#but its surprising how much i still enjoy playing thru all the stories even tho i. pretty much just did that last week

[ajdrawshq]

sobbing. im replaying octopath (again) with Therion as my mc and Primrose as second n i just noticed that when u make them walk slowly n stop they look like theyre holding hands .........

[muwur]

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up” 

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc. 

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧  “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧  “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧  “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today” 

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

[vroenis]

Reaching Out, Reaching In

It would be criminal not to use ABIIOR for the lede given I’m going to quote Matty albeit not quite verbatim - nevertheless - buy this album, it’s incredible.

But of-course, I’m going to start by talking about

BT

I mention BT a lot; he enters the lists often in my writing, in my discussions. Like many artists in my collection and listening rotation, I seem to be really into an artist for a period of time and then reach a cutoff point where I stop being into them. This probably happens for most people, I don’t know, I’ve not asked most people, but I do want to be very careful of not living in the past or rather dying in it. Still, I like to keep finding new things or rather I’m compelled to. I enjoy things that continue to grow older each second time passes, but I always thirst for new creations by all artists of all ages, whether they bring to bear the experience of years, or they’ve only been around for a few. The point is everyone is here on this wild ride and art is their response to the stimuli; it’s what comes out of us in abstract and semi-abstract, re-translated and it forms these amazing emotional and often transcending connections and multifaceted responses in us and by us I mean me.

I’m getting distracted.

In the last and understandably downcast piece on my deathbed playlist, there are three key BT albums and it’s worth noting the years he released them;

2006 - This Binary Universe

2012 - Nuovo Morceau Subrosa

2016 - _ (untitled - there’s a story, you can look it up if you like, it’s more or less just referred to as the character *underscore*(verbal))

There were other albums in-between but naturally those don’t make the list as far as what I want to be hearing if I’m half or unconscious or in a delirium on my way to imminent death. In 2019, BT released two albums;

October 2019 - Between Here And You

December 2019 - Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear

You may remember I wrote a whole lot about 2009 - 2019 and these albums were absent.

If you go to the wiki for BT, which are his initials for Brian (Wayne) Transeau, you’ll see a wonderfully rich history of a stupendously talented musician and immensely intelligent individual. He is part of a collective of people most wouldn’t know about (which is perfectly fine, to be honest) who are responsible for the digital audio revolution that has completely changed the way we create, record, produce, publish and distribute music as we know it. There are parts of that people may think are negative and some elements certainly are, but the net benefit is unquestionably positive even if only on the sole subject of accessibility. Accessible digital audio has put creation and power within reach of everyone and of-course this means there’s a glut of material available, but it also means we catch sight of more amazing art rather than never see it, or it not seeing the light of day. I lean on humans seeing it and saying that directly rather than speaking in abstract. The light of day is literally us - we humans, seeing the expressions of one-another and hopefully remunerating appropriately so that we can continue to live and improve each other’s lives.

I have always had and continue to have immense respect for BT. He began writing This Binary Universe when his daughter was born, and as she grew, continued working on the album with this tiny infant often in his lap as he worked. He wrote it from creation in 5.1 surround sound, rather than all other “surround sound mixes” being done in retrospect from the stereo stems. It is an astonishing work and See You On The Other Side may very well be one of the greatest pieces of music in history. When I first listened to TBU in 2006, I  had a myriad of emotional responses and I certainly didn’t have as much knowledge of BT’s creation process and background for the album at the time, but I can appreciate that shortly thereafter upon learning it, it probably does form biases in how I feel about the album. This will be important to the discussion later. Nevertheless, the album feels massively injected with specific intent and yes, surely every artistic work is regardless and we’ll get there. This is going to be personal but all writing is - that doesn’t warrant further discussion, we should always be making that assumption.

I follow BT on Instagram and saw him build his awesome new studio, an amazing space for all his gear and synths and something any music professional would love to have in some way... which I may check in a moment, or perhaps not so soon but I hope I don’t forget to come back to that. I will say that I do like it. It is a wonderful playground of vintage, rare and new synths, of super powerful computers with extremely new software and plugs, of high-end analogue desks and outboard units, extremely nice monitors and custom designed absorbers, panels, racks and furniture. It is an absolutely amazing space.

After the studio was finished, he did some collabs with some other artists and folks, some of which I also follow on Instagram whose setups are wildly different so it was nice to see some cross-over. He also interspersed with increasing regularity work on his albums which included clips of 100+ piece orchestras and often DAW session captures of the stems and him working on them. It was all pretty cool and the tiny snippets he posted were rad.

In October 2019, I was travelling to visit family due to cancer treatment, something that’s been at the centre of my life for well over 18 months, and I have my first full listen-thru of Between Here And You on an early morning when the rest of the house is asleep. It’s pretty great, sonically I like it a lot. I don’t have the same response to TBU but I don’t expect to, I should give it a chance, but it still doesn’t elicit a really significant response in me. At this point it has to be said that on the same trip, I have my first full listen-thru of Telefon Tel Aviv’s Dreams Are Not Enough, having slept on its initial September release, and that might be enough to give context to how I responded - it may have been where my head was at and remains to this day. I couldn’t shake it tho, as I still really have an affinity for TBU and I was wondering what was up.

Fast-forward to December and the release of Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear, and I do not respond to this album at all. It has some decent BT synth and sample work in it that exhibits his amazing talent, but it’s cut with orchestral and choral music that to me is indistinct from any other contemporary material available on a Pandora channel playing similar genres. I hate the sound of myself being so critical of someone I admire so much, because for someone who can write bangin’ trance and intricately complicated micro-rhythms and sample-chopped music, someone who writes their own freaken’ software and who edits audio down to the sample because their attention to detail is so specific and demanding - for that same person to be so talented to also be able to write scores and choral vocal arrangements is immense. I’m sure it all means so much to BT and I’m so proud of him for creating what to him must be an amazing work. I’m not trying to say anything negative about the work itself...

But I just don’t respond to it. Almost all the other music I’ve been listening to over the last 10 years including very recently, feels like it’s been created in response to extremely personal experiences that haven’t all been great - singular or accumulations of events that have precipitated significant introspection, and the art that has resulted from it for me reflects it clearly. BT’s two albums feel like... a very fortunate and privileged guy who’s had a lot of time and opportunity to play with his gear, record it and release it. The title also sounds presumptuous as if to position that systemic poverty and oppression and struggle outside of ones’ control can be solved by the oppressed simply stopping being afraid and I border on hating it every time I read it... - and that sounds so horribly mean because it is, I don’t intend for it to be mean. I need to check my expectations and I need to respect that Brian is still doing what he wants to do and he doesn’t owe me anything, least of all in something as abstract as how something sounds and whether or not I like it, because ultimately that’s all I’m talking about here, no matter how obscure I want to make the discussion. The intent of the title, especially - I’m certain - isn’t to diminish those who suffer, and I should be careful in my reading of it. So keeping myself in check, I’m here to explore the rest of my response, and I’m going to try and give further context.

Coldplay

I’ve no problem telling you I like Coldplay. I guess if you knew more about my musical background, it’d be less of a surprise, tho if you’ve been following along, it’ll make sense. If you’re reading this journal backwards, it may or may not, depending on how much I write about production in the future. To cut a long story short, like many bands I’m almost not at all into the band themselves and almost entirely into the production that surrounds them. Meow meow meow, all the art purists will bang-on about how music is about the performers but producers and engineers are artists in every way as much as performers are, and even bands or individuals who “just perform” with their instrument and no-one else on stage and no technicals (screens, lights, unseen backing musos etc.) still have a myriad of people surrounding them without which they can’t execute their working careers. Anyway, feel free to remain ignorant of those facts if you like and be all “pure performers”, no problem - magic can be real for you.

I lost track of Coldplay at after their 2015 album A Head Full Of Dreams. I’m less emotionally invested in the band and totally don’t mind that they’d up until that point releasing more or less the same sound for four consecutive albums. I really like the sound and if you pay close enough attention, it was actually evolving nicely, enough for me at any rate. I’d forgotten all about the band which is easy to do when you don’t really pay attention to pop-music and the activities therein, and then a couple of months ago (January maybe?) by whatever divination of the YouTube algorithm, a video titled Coldplay: Everyday Life Live in Jordan came up in my recommendations - a thing I was until then, unaware even existed. I’d no idea what the band was doing and I’m always keen to give them a shot, so I clicked-thru.

Moments ago I said I was happy with the band doing the same sound over and over again, and when I listen back to those albums, I’m still fine with them - let’s call it the Viva/Prospekt’s/Dreams anthology. Several things struck me about Everyday Life. Given my personal experiences of the last ten years, my struggles and the struggles of everyone around me, both personal and the cultures I observe and choose to observe, watching these four guys geared up in these ruins in Jordan looked stupendously privileged and a massive flex of wealth and influence. It looked like money buying good photography, framing and impossible location kudos and style. The sound in culture to my personal experiences also felt irrelevant.

And now I can finally talk about

The 1975 - Reaching Out, Reaching In

I now don’t remember whether it was at the ABIIOR concert in Melbourne, September 2019, or in one of the many interview snippets on YouTube or an article - I’m fairly sure it was his voice, so I either saw him say it in a video or he said it at the concert or both. Matt Healy said something along the lines of...

“... I know our last album was very inwardly focused... but A Brief Inquiry is very outwardly focused... it’s more about the world... and you... and us...”

That is not at all what he said verbatim but it was something very similar to that so I desperately hope a 1975 fan drops in and corrects me or can find a clip of him repeating it. Anyway there are a lot of really good things to extract from that, firstly from what it means about The 1975′s music and the culture that forms around it, and then about the discussion I’m having.

BT, Coldplay and The 1975 all live in my Ultimate folder on my hard-drive,  but while BT and Coldplay fall where they will alpha-numerically as far as directory structure is concerned, The 1975 have the auspicious honour of having leading zeros in their text so they appear first. This is so that I never have to scroll all the way down to T in any program or utility (like my car’s head unit) to find them. Worth noting that composer Yoko Kanno is 01 and Underworld are 02.

The album that preceded A Brief Inquiry... was released in 2016, titled I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware Of It, an intentionally Emo title, I believe or at least hope, and it is definitely an inwardly focused album in the themes indicated by its lyrical content. It’s to date one of my favourite albums of all time, superbly performed and produced and overflowing with emotion - there’s some truly heartbreaking sound and words therein. I feel like this album is a perfect inclusion with the others in my Circa 2009 - 2019 piece that was somehow vaguely about how much of a struggle those 10 years have been. I guess it’d be difficult to get a notion of that if you’re not familiar with the music and material, but all of that music is introspective - it’s all about reaching in. As mentioned above, the art these artists are producing is the result of deeply intimate experiences, some they share directly with us outside of the abstract of art - relationships, family loss, drug addiction, mental health - but many that they don’t so clearly telegraph and leave us with the abstract; the art.

A Brief Inquiry.../ABIIOR certainly is about reaching out, even when the lyrics do seem to be personal, but to me as an individual, it feels to reach out in the right way - that is to say *I* feel it’s reaching out to a world *I* identify with, in a way that *I* agree with or find agreeable. The songs in ABIIOR are about misunderstanding, they’re about not giving up, making mistakes, desperation, honesty, the chaos of the destruction of modern society. One of my all-time favourite songs has sprung from this album and has become anthemic for me - Love It If We Made It and I’m going to embed it;

And now I feel I want to say that naming an album “Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear” and also performing a concert in ancient ruins on the top of a mountain during a picturesque sunrise in Jordan with expensive drone photography both feel to me like also reaching out but in ways that I don’t like and agree with, that feel irrelevant and/or culturally inappropriate but I use the term culturally to mean my personal culture; the culture I see myself fit into as an individual that interacts with others, the struggles we seem to share as a collective.

I feel as tho Coldplay once did reach out in the good way I’m trying and possibly failing to describe, or perhaps just trying to frame from a position I prefer. I felt they had a more grounded sense of community with everyday people which makes the irony of their most recent project more apparent. It may well be that I just don’t like what these artists are doing any more and that’s fine. Sometimes we might feel entitled to a sense of righteousness, to validate our distaste for something on a more grand cultural level, to co-opt others into our critique so more fingers can point and collectively say “See?! That thing you’re doing really *is* BAD! More people said so!” but I really am keeping myself in check and not wanting to do that. I think I’m writing this journal to explain myself to myself - yes, to log my justifications because I believe in them, but also ensure I don’t turn into an arsehole. 

Still - I stand by my criticisms because they’re important. I don’t know why in-particular these few examples struck in this way when others didn’t. I bought a bunch of Anjuna music that has nothing to do with culture and emotional response in the ways I’ve discussed them and I love them. Sometimes music is about bangin’ beats and euphoria and that’s OK. Still, the world isn’t entirely a joyous place for me at the moment and hasn’t been. There are positives to celebrate, but I have never been one to only log my celebrations. In particular from a mental health perspective, only documenting positives is incredibly hazardous and I condemn the practice. As much as these entries are laced with darkness and difficulties, each one also contains the things that assist me in surviving, keeping me nourished and navigating this often hellish experience of life. Ultimately of all my skills, seeking out art I identify with is the most valuable survival skill I have, it is the only one that matters. 

Love is a kind of art, there’s nothing abstract in that statement - the love between people is artful, in any and all forms it takes - hence the tags; Art Worth Dying For, and Art Worth Living For.

[pinkykitten]

Nooo honey, don't you say that. You're an awesome writer, underrated as hell. I was gonna request a bunch of things but I didn't really know what I wanted. I'll probably drop some in later today or tomorrow, if I still can. Also planning on being part of the MARVEL Endgame celebration, I'm just afraid to open my requests because I'm a horrible procrastinator and I'm always afraid I'll disappoint people.

omg r u actually talking to me?!?! im sorry im like love your writing, you’re talked in our household. like my sister said that she loves the way this red little person on tumblr writes and she showed me you and im like omg i love her writing as well! so its surprising like you would even know about my blog (of course u prob would with me tagging u in almost everything cringily idek if thats a word prob not) anyways hi, thank you for the lovely things you say it means a lot to me since i really like your writing. 

I always see my writing as like meh, its okay, its not quite how I want it. Some stories are better than others for me. And I’m always open to learning. To growing especially in something I love so much. I’ve always enjoyed writing since I was a child and reading (ugh i love reading so much like ill prob die with a book lol) The thing is I don’t so much need all the followers, because I know that will never happen. I have learned to be humble about things like that. And to let you in on a little secret I don’t think (idk if this even is a secret) my writing is that good that it deserves all followers or like even like a thousand tbh when I first started this I thought I was gonna have 10 and thats it. And 10 was so much for me because I’m like thinking in my head 10 frickin ppl actually like what I’m posting i mean i know some of them are like porn bots and stuff but still! 

I just like to engage with my followers, with the ppl, with my peeps because I want to make them happy. There are days when I feel high (yeah man jk) when I feel happy and encouraged and there are days when I feel discouraged about my writing but I think of course thats normal with writing and whatever you’re writing. I just had high expectations that it was gonna be a celebration and that people would request all the time. I was ready and kinda felt stupid waiting here by my computer like the whole day awaiting a request, just one. I already wrote one of my own to get the ball rolling so maybe I will be the one to do all the stories. Who knows? That would make me a little sad because like I said I wanted a celebration. 

Also its hurts my feelings because I have a life. I have a big family I have to tend to. I have personal things in my life that I have to get to. I also have not been feeling good at all these past couple of days yet I sit here wanting to write for not just them but just wanting to write and write their request because then ppl get mad or inpatient. I just want ppl to be happy on my blog, thats it! if ppl aren’t happy then I feel like kinda like a monster. so if i dont get requests again today i will just go thru it, its not like i havent. i mean what more could i do? 

lol you don’t need to request if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel now obliged to do it cause I was sulking lol. But you should totally do a marvel thing as well you would be amazing at it and I would totally participate in whatever you were to do. I did @ardentmuse quiz and let me say that was the best quiz ever it was amazing!!!! so to see all types of writers doing things for marvel first off makes me wanna cry lol and its so much fun cause thats like my fav fandom. But I get what you mean about procrastinating. I kinda do that too lol. Thats my thing too tho! See you get me! I’m afraid I’ll disappoint ppl. Thats me to a T! Thats my fear, and I feel like I sometimes do. Idk my feelings are just all over the place. I usually don’t speak about my feelings on tumblr because I don’t want ppl to think oh she wants to play the victim or look she wants attention. I don’t want any of that. literally u guys should see me writing this im like wrapped up in my blanket wanting to like die in a hole. i feel my feelings are so cringy and like MS. WRITER NOBODY CARESSSSSS!!!! lol but i don’t want like attention at all thats not what im going for at. all. i just want if someone who is also writing has the same feelings as me and they stumble on this blog and read this post and it encourages them or uplifts them in any way. 

just know writers that are famous on here and writers that are starting out, or just writers on here. You matter! You are doing something so difficult and something tedious and awesome. I feel us writers make imagination real. People give us a request and we make it happen for them. Thats hard in itself yet we all have that power to do it. Thank you writers, and you know what if they ask for payment to their writing DON’T JUDGE THEM! DONT HATE! just like you would pay for art well this is art and if they ask for you to pay just pay. Again thank you writers, and thank you darlings that do uplift me and that do read my stuff and that do request I SEE YA! 

and thank you to my big sis cuz she reads my stuff, I love you to infinity and beyond. u r the best sister ever! 

[matronaa]

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz  e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it  and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is  l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i  d i e  for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das  a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur  like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

[cosmospoons]

House MD season 2

30 second episode recaps from someone whos just watched em for the first time and has bad recall

Ep1: they gotta cure the death row dude so he can go back to death row to b killed, cameron is Bad at telling ppl they're dying, house n Wilson had lunch with the coma guy, they cured death row man, also they changed the theme and I hate it Ep2: House has hayfever lmao, this cancer girl with hallucinations is honestly just the coolest she's so positive I love her, shes nine and got chase to kiss her hero,, house an Wilson have a shared balcony amazing, Wilson is so good and pure and is amazing at his job holy shit I love this man. House actually 'temporarily killed' the patient to cure her and made people run drills on a dead man. House is 400% going to buy a motorbike Ep3: i prayed for Cuddy's handyman to fall off her roof past the window and then god answered my prayers and he did, house broke into Cuddy's house mainly to look at her underwear lbr and then won the 'can we chop off his arm' argument, house secretly speaks spanish and waited for the most dramatic moment to reveal this, they gate crashed a cock fight (ayy) and saved the patient Ep4: the patient is a doctor with an ego ((according to house lmao pot, kettle)) who wanted to sit in on the diagnostic process and honestly is actually full of himself,, house puts him on a tippy table and cranks it up, foreman made a patient cry except he was pretending to be house lmao house got in shit,, Cameron needs to stop please, can the patient get his head out his arse please. house gatecrashes the press conference that the patient called and managed to put him into cardiac arrest on live television and eventually cured him of everything cept bein a knob Ep5: Wilson's handwriting is such doctor handwriting and house definitely bought a motorbike and made Wilson pay for it he's so pleased with himself. The kid keeps getting electrocuted but like,, by his own body. House is avoiding his parents but Cameron n Wilson aren't letting him get away with it. I love house n Wilson's friendship so much it's worth 5k apparently lmao. These patients are fukin serial liars jc why are ppl like this, it was rADIATION wow houses dad is a fucking DICK. There were so many good interactions and the house/wilson ship is sailing Ep6: there was a cyclist who took a LOT of drugs which turned out to be curing him of the thing he had, house is a douchebag but we all knew that - he may b a dick to mark but m sure mark deserves it n I love him anyway. Wilson remains a sweet boy even if he cheats idgaf he's adorable look at him ((wilson: i net someone who made me feel funny, me: was it hOUSE)),, he n house are balcony buddies and house shud stop stealing his food, and he should definitely stop digging thru stacys life but actually fuck it why not he's not gunna let go of this why is she so pissy i wanna know Ep7: I love houses new pet rat Steve McQueen,, Wilson is 4000% done with houses Stacy related antics which is fair tbh he should stop but I actually don't give much of a shit about Stacy I've taken against her....he did deserve what she said after reading her file tho. The patient may have given Cameron aids and Cameron got high and slept with Chase, who she may have given aids lmao these ppl r messes but not as much of a mess as that father/son relationship jc...i dont remember anything else about the patient whoops Ep8: chase is being suuuueeeeddd and he keeps lying about why lmao,, house fuckin reamed him one which was probably called for but maybe not like that, turns out chase screwed up cus his dad died and foreman is houses boss ((supervisor)) now how well do u think that's gunna work (((not very))) Stacy's still a bitch and has ~~feelings~~ Ep9: foreman is in charge and house is doing his utmost best to be the dick of the year and it's fucking hilarious honestly I love this man the shit he pulls jc,,, Wilson is super aware of houses antics as usual and had a mild gay panic when foreman started to question him about house,, the patient was a big ol Faker™ but surprise surprise she was actually sick this time ((house totally injected her with a load of stuff so she’d b readmitted after they’s released her)) Ep10: house solved a case thru the phone alone and spent most of the ep at the airport except for those five minutes when he almost slept with Stacy who once had a terrible experience with curry apparently and called house a vindaloo, nice restraint very well timed phone call thank fuck,,, they will sleep together tho and I am Not Happy about it....the power play amongst the fellows is a boiling pot of trouble - the patient was v interesting I enjoyed the word scramble game Ep12: WHAT A GOOD FUCKIN EP so the patient orgasmed in the white chamber while unconscious and covered in burns but more importantly house gatecrashed the lecture of his old archenemy that he had arranged just so he could disturb it and criticise the dude who got him thrown out of med school for snitchin on his cheating all whilst Wilson told him to get better hobbies (('a hooker anything please')),, to test this dudes migraine meds he gave deliberately himself a migraine and the meds didn't work (unsurprising) so the fellows turned out all the lights while he had a nap under the table,, wilson took a diff approach and deliberately made a Lot of noise because he is a Shit even if he hides it better than house,,,, then house dropped a tab of acid and took a bunch of antidepressants, and cured his migraine as well as the patient Ep13: houses leg was super duper sore but at least we got some fantastic house/wilson interaction when wilson pretended to be God during that MRI, even if house hit him with a cane.... The patient was a teen supermodel who seduced her own father to get whatever she wanted,, house was super sure she had cancer and it turns out she did but it was testicular because she had xy chromosomes and was immune to testosterone - which was really fucking interesting...... Also cuddy played house like a violin and gave him placebo saline instead of a morphine shot to prove to him that his leg pain was psychological Ep14: House is stealing organs now. Ok so technically he did get the husband's permission to steal his newly dead wife’s heart for the dying old dude with a strangely young daughter but only after he kneed house in the balls super hard. House spent the whole ep goin on at wilson about the affair he thought he was having and at the end wilson showed up on houses doorstep but sURPRIse !! It was his wife who was sleeping around!! poor baby Wilson I know what goes around comes around but he's such a kicked puppy cmon Ep15: Wilson and house living together is a recipe for disaster and I'm living for it so good so many good interactions I love that house is gunna keep him for his food ((I'll never b over house hearing the voicemail about Wilson's new place, looking over at him sleeping on the couch and then deleting it so he has to stay)). The patient had a super cool marriage and didn't have lupus except whoops actually not a happy marriage his wife is tryna kill him thru gold poisoning. House needs to stop accosting ppl in bathrooms and should also stop destroying marriages Ep16: oh man good shit so,, first of all house n Wilson are still living together and there are some Domestic Antics happening right here including but not limited to a prank war which house desperately tried to get Wilson to participate in, the peak of which had house making Wilson wet the couch and Wilson sabotaging houses cane. The patients mum was ridiculously overprotective and house essentially kidnapped the patient to find the tick noone else thought was there,, surprisingly Wilson helped set that up despite the fact house was the reason he woke up wet that morning Ep17: first things first house could absolutely clean everyone out at poker if he knows Cuddy's tells that well through just a phonecall,, also he needs to stop calling Wilson out on his toenail varnish habits lmao. The patient was a smol boy who presented the same symptoms as an unsolved and dead case that house had 12 yrs ago so he really wasn't gunna let this one go cus he's like a dog with a bone. They were in formal wear all ep which was a Good Look™ and Wilson's retelling of how he won the poker championship may have been one of the cutest things I have ever seen Ep18: Emma from Glee is here and she has the black plague,, her gf decided to donate her liver n Cameron was all het up cus house had worked out plague girl was gunna leave her and sending the gf in blind would be ~~unethical~~ but turns out she knew and deliberately did that so Emma would stay with her out of guilt lmao. In other news Cameron's pissy cus foreman 'stole' her article and house spent most of the episode napping cus wilson is fuckin up his sleep cycle ;) I'm upset there was no physical wilson Ep19: the most annoying patient so far appears in the form of a 15 yr old faith healer with herpes. I feel like the degree to which unrelenting niceness irritates me rly says something about me but eh oh well. Chase (ofc it was chase) kept a tally on who was winning God or house, faith healer managed to shrink a womans cancer tumour through giving her herpes (((a miracle praise be))) and during poker night house called wilson out on sleeping with said cancer patient and discovered wilson was actually living with her whoops bad Wilson ((he totally regrets his life choices ((he should)))) Ep20: HOLY SHIT ITS A TWOPARTER AND FOREMANS GUNNA DIE !! Ok so,,, there was this cop who couldn't stop laughing till he could but then it got a lot worse and then foreman caught whatever it was which they began to realise when he smirked as house shot a corpse to see what a bullet in a brain would do to an MRI ((spoilers it broke the machine)) anyway long story short it wasnt the pigeons and the cops dead and foreman is gunna die even after that shitdick move he pulled where he stabbed Cameron with a needle so she'd go to the apartment Ep21: HOO BOY OK SO a lot happened so much happened the most important thing is foreman by the end of the ep is mostly kind of ok - he's just a bit muddled on his lefts n rights. During the ep house was stressed the entire time cus even tho he denys it he does love n care for his ducklings,, he even cares enough to deliberately attempt to poison Steve McQueen which didn't work but can be added to the list of stressful events. Cameron grew a spine a lil bit I literally yelled when she berated cuddy and she forced the biopsy cus foreman had the foresight (ayyyyy) to make her his medical proxy even if house managed to find the problem anyway so it was ultimately unnecessary and has just resulted in some possible brain damage Ep22: house keeps trying to pick a fight with foreman and failing because Foreman's all happy go lucky now, the patient was mad because of a thing and killed her baby accidentally on purpose, the music that played during the baby autopsy was super unnecessary and bizzare, and in the end the woman had cancer but she's refusing treatment cus of the baby guilt. Cuddy didn't have cancer, which we know because Wilson ((WILSON NOT HOUSE)) stole her dna and ran secret tests in the middle of the night, but it still wasn't a date Wilson despite what house said about skin lessions she was actually just going to attempt to use u as a sperm donor - have fun at the L-word marathon with house you big sad loser (I love u) Ep23: we meet an old house friend which is Super fun he is ridiculously naive and I love that he calls house g-man holy shit. House is now giving cuddy injections as part of a fertility treatment which is nice of him especially seeing as his leg was in a Lot of pain this ep,, like a LOT...he's self-injecting morphine now which is probably bad :/ house's friend's daughter was the patient at one point she pooped out her mouth gRoSs and house ran a paternity test n told the girl she was actually the dudes daughter ((except he was lYINg in support of his friend)) he does care Ep24: HOUSE GOT SHOT WHAT IS IT WITH THIS TEAM SUFFERING RN JC this was a very fun episode of 'guess when house is hallucinating', spoilers the answer is all the time the whole ep takes place in his head. That aside I absolutely loved the hospital gown/trainer combo (no I won't apologize) and the fact that house did almost none of his physio - instead relegating it to others which is....not how it works. The hallucinatory clinic patient was freaky deaky his eye exploded and so did his dick but dw cus to escape the hallucination house killed him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can u do. At the end house woke up n requested ketamine we'll see how that goes

Season 1

[ffxvhoe]

im jumpin on this male s/o bandwagon before its too late. may i have some hcs on prompto and noctis shenanigans with a male s/o? maybe drunk escapades or silly rough-housing

no need to worry bb i’m always up for doing male s/o requests!! ya’ll just need to specify so i know whatcha want ;) anyway i hope you enjoyyyyyy

Noctis

Okay so like it really isn’t all that often that noct drinks but almost every time he does he’ll end up drunk ((not bc he’s a lightweight more bc he enjoys bein able to let go and the feeling of it))

honestly there’s no particular reason he just doesn’t like alcohol like if he’s gonna put something that burns in his body he may as well just eat his veggies so at least he’s bein healthy lmao

but on occasion he will have a couple of cold ones with the bois

or ehem…his boy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

when noct gets drunk with his bf he’ll tend to let loose a lot more than he may with the other guys around

like as much as he trusts the guys, there’s still some things that he would prefer to not do in front of them ya know??

like spill his guts about how much he loves you but ANYWAY

no but fr there was an Instance™ once before and to this day the guys won’t let him live it down

“who ever thought the prince was such a softie?”

“noct we really don’t need to hear about your bedroom preferences”

“did _____ appreciate the manscaping?” noctis could still see the smug look on gladio’s face >.>

so ye when noct is in a drunken stupor with you the night’s aren’t exactly crazy but there is a lot of touching ((sometimes innocent sometimes not so innocent)) and a lot of slurred love confessions

lowkey that’s how noct first told you he loved you but that whole story is to be saved for another day

noct also has a small tendency to strip when he’s drunk so uhhhhh hey more royal bod for you to ogle ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

there has been a few times where noct dares you to let him point warp you places 

the first time you were inebriated enough where you didn’t question it as much as you probably should have lmao 

when he took you to the top of the citadel tho you kinda came back to reality but didn’t quite have enough time to tell him uh bro my buddy my dude my babe let’s maybe not

bc as soon as you were up there a shirtless noct grabbed you around the waist and had you standing on the next rooftop over

it was a very tarzan-esque moment

that was also the first night ya’ll fucked outside of the bedroom bless up

so yeah all in all when you and noct end up drunk together it’s less crazy and fun escapades and more noct becoming way more daring than is probs safe and you being lucky enough to join him on that ride ((and the other “rides” that follow ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ))

Prompto

PROMPTO on the other hand is 110% the type of person that’ll drag you along throughout the city at night on random adventures when he’s drunk

like noct he doesn’t really drink all that much 

probably even less so than noct tbh, something about the alcohol does funny stuff to his stomach so he’s learned he’s better off only having a bottle or two ((or glass, sometimes he likes a fruity drink too))

there have been a few notable experiences you’ve had with a drunken prompto

the first one you honestly don’t remember much of all you do remember is that you had started the night just outside of the Crown City and somehow ended up on the beach of Galdin Quay with five chocobos sleeping around ya’ll

the thing that made it the most memorable was the fact that when prompto woke up he wasn’t surprised by the fact ya’ll were in Galdin Quay but by the fact there were three extra chocobos

not that he was complainin lmao 

another memory you remember quite fondly was when you two happened upon a hole in the wall bar and proceeded to take a tour around the city while tipsy

there’s several pics on prompto’s phone documenting that night and he claims that those are some of the best photos he’s ever taken even if literally all of the damn photos are blurry as hell

that’s the thing about prom tho he won’t take his camera around with him if he’s about to get drunk – too risky – so whenever ya’ll do go on your drunken adventures the photos are on his phone

the one time that prompto ended up super drunk well…that was the first time ya’ll went skinny dipping together

in the royal pool 

noctis to this day does not know about this

prompto plans to keep it this way

but that doesn’t stop him from goofily wigging his eyebrows whenever you’re around and noctis mentions it

anyway, sloppy make outs happened, some dick sucking may or may not have happened, ya’ll may or may not have lost some clothing when running from a guard that came patrolling thru the building

there were many things that may or may not have happened and not bc you didn’t remember but bc it was much better to play dumb than to admit to some of the shenanigans that happened that particular night >.>

[astrxealis]

okay !! thoughts neath the cut, SPOILERS for p5 (vanilla) ending bits ?!?!? like. 12/24.

just small thoughts yeah anyways that was so goddamn amazing and epic and emotional and nice

tbh the whole mementos fusion w reality reminded me of a certain ff ?? no spoilers but that rlly helped w the emotional aspect tbh considering that ff made me so goddamn HDHAJDJKS AND IT STILL MAKES ME YEAH ... but yeah w the falling red rain and the weird af sky and disappearing. esp the disappearing (but diff stories)

okay i teared up w akechi but tbh morgana was the one that actually made me cry ?? like damn i was alrdy tearing up b4 bcs this is so heart warming like. power of friendship !! they've gone so far my poor lil lovely babies i love them so much :(( but morgana (fuck ppl who hate him btw /lh) i love him a lot ? esp bcs i understand his character tbh n he just. undeserved hate (same w mishima) tho both make sense w yeah (moreso mishima bcs mona only w that one bit tho, but not rlly either bcs like ?? it was just bad writing tbh mona doesnt deserve hate. mishima too but its more understandable in general) and DAMNEKJRKWJD THAT MADE ME SO SAD ... even if i have a feeling still that wont be the last time we see him (in the royal version, at least) bcs 1 i wont allow it to happen 2 ... idk but yes LMAO

satanael was so fucking cool that was SO EPIC AND THE MUSIC WAS SO GREATYFUDHKENDKS I LOVE THE CONFIDANTS I LOVE THE PHANTOM THIEVES SMMMMMMMMMM

tbh just feel free to watch my stream for like my reactions to stuff like w being surprised (laughing) at igor's. new (actual) higher pitched voice /lh HELPFPJWJDJW AND LAVENZAAAA THAT WAS SO SMART W THE BUTTERFLY !! also thank god that time i didnt get the credits LMAO i got the credits w the interrogation room bcs i sold out my friends :(( i dont like being dishonest okay WHEEZE I LEARNED MY LESSON THO !! FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC <3

honestly i rlly enjoyed all that tho even if the battle took so long (phew ... got it first try tho LETS GO GAYMERS) and yeah damn . that was such a great experience persona 5 is great man

but if it makes sense yeah still not complete ?? to me at least. mostly bcs ik theres still royal stuff. tbh i cld probably still stream if i want to but i rlly dont think i will instead anymore so i can enjoy it super thoroughly and moreso at a proper my pace? im /nm w streaming vanilla p5 tho hehe i rlly enjoyed doing so no lie <3 i cld use the ps play thing to uhhh share to my mac's screen but ion have an ethernet cable so it won't be as high qual ... and i dont have a capture card either :") idrm !! but yeah i wna keep track of how my gameplay is n take screenshots (bs that i cant even take screenshots on ps4 ffs) but yeah i wont like actually stream it anymore >< aaa so fun tho i rlly enjoyed it all TvT p5 is great but until i finish royal it still feels a bit empty for me KABWIWBDJS

i didnt date any of the girls yet bcs i like sumi WHAHAHDHAJ AND I DONT WANT TO GET LIKE ... more than 1 girl for valentines LMFAO bcs that shit like does stuff yeah ?? WHEEZE

i dont know how the normal ending is like but bruh akechi just up and appeared and im so glad hes not dead but im wondering and rlly excited nervous for royal content. aahsgehdhshdbsjsn <3

normal ending i will probably watch on yt !! hehe <3

but yeah that was a really great ending :( but yeah like i said like twice alrdy at this point. feels empty still bcs i know i have royal content to go thru n havent gone thru that yet LMFAOOWWJDJJS p5 def one of my fave games tho <3

okay thats it from my thoughts ... !! rlly looking forward to how the royal parts will go thru. scared but vv much looking forward to it

hello i finished the vanilla parts of p5 now

onto royal exclusive content now >:)))

[cicinicole-14]

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. 

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor. 

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros: 

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother* 

good science program so I can be a dr?? 

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons: 

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home 

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them. 

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc… 

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked. 

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college. 

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college. 

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college. 

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart 

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that. 

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked. 

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old. 

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop. 

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things. 

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird. 

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it. 

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses. 

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for… 

college is stressful. 

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting. 

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too. 

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier. 

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow. 

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush. 

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table… 

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically. 

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici 

[gabrielbishop-blog1]

whaddup peeps i’m lily :-)) im under eighteen, mdt timezone and she/her pronouns !! anymeme i thought to spice up my intro w a moodboard, not sure if it’s gabe’s big schmood or mine but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyways under the cut is a bit more about gabe if y’all are interested in learning more about ur garbage mayor !

( BEN AFFLECK, CISMALE, 45 ) have you seen GABRIEL BISHOP around town ?? we call HIM the FACADE around here , and they work as THE TOWN MAYOR . it makes sense , you know . HE can be CHARISMATIC and ALLURING but pretty PHLEGMATIC and ELUSIVE. word around town is THEY WORK WITH A NOTORIOUS MAFIA IN SALEM but are you really really all that surprised ?? ( OOC. lily. 15. mdt. she/her. )

alcohol mention, drug mention

ok so if u guys knew pre-revamp gabe i’ve decided to ?? keep his old background/personality pretty much the same w just minor tweaks sO now he’s basically future!gabe which makes no sense cause he’s actually younger and no time has passed but he ar me out,,, u can read gabe’s old intro post here if ya want it delves into his i guess we’ll say old self now

so pre-revamp gabe used to be a dirty cop who did favours for a drug ring but im switching that shiz to the mafia. so he was still a dirty cop who liked to use his position to scare the shit out of people but i’m kinda pushing that back a bit in a sense like it started when he was younger like early to mid 30s

essentially what happened is that along the years the mafia started asking more and more out of gabe until basically ?? they made him run for mayor in astoria so they could use astoria as kind of a cover if that makes sense ?? and it was perfect too cause i mean gabe came from humble beginnings. his parents created their business from the ground up and gabe was just your local cop, one of the people. even if he wasn’t a people-person he played up the whole im jUST LIKE U GUYS campaign

so if the mafia needed somewhere to hide one of their own men, dump something, hide/launder money they’ll use one of their fake businesses/properties in astoria all personally approved by gabe. he lets their municipal requests/paperwork pass through and being mayor he can also help take suspicion of their backs and basically its just a bunch of paperwork being approved that shouldn’t be, paperwork mysteriously missing, and things like tha t..

at first gabe was just their guinea pig. being a naturally abrasive and introverted person, he hated being mayor and not to mention the fact he still held up his values/morals pretty strongly so he also hated what he was doing on the dl. bUT NOW gabe has kind of ?? embraced it. like he knew he was stuck there, under the mafia’s thumb so why not just take advantage of it and top them ?? 

so slowly gabe has been working his way up that chain by strong arming certain members, hiring his own men, serious threats, etc. until now gabes pre much one of the big dogs and hes well known n feared but only to people who are actually involved in/with the mafia cause he still gotta keep this shit secret. along the way gabe kinda completely lost his way ?? like he actually enjoys the powerful man he’s become and the shitty stuff he does doesn’t eat away at him anymore.

he’s become full blown manipulative, learned how to become more charming to the people, he’s less abrasive and more sociable but its all an act. the only thing grounding him is his kids but even then he’s distanced himself from them, become less attentive as a father. mainly cause he knows he bad and doesn’t want to ?? bring the darkness inside him into that part of his life ?? he doesn’t wanna infect his kids ?? so … if u were looking for any redeemable qualities in gabe .. he has like one and even then it’s a bit of a double-edged sword lmfao

alsO while we’re on the topic of the kiddos… he knows they’re not his. he’s never said it out loud, brought it up to anyone, or even given it much thought. but he’s heard the whispers and he’s always known in the back of his head ??? and SUPER duper deep down like eight layer dip deep it kills him but he doesn’t love them any less ?? they are still essentially his kids and he is their father

anyWAYS so some plots i’d like to have ?????????

old friends - people who were friends w the old gabe but ever since gabe ran for mayor they’ve become less close and they’re like ????????? bich who tf r u ?????? and whatd u do w gabe ???

brotp - pls give me this. ride or die. someone gabe’s been friends w for a long ass time and stuck w him even thru his confusing and totally ooc decision to run for mayor and weird af personality changes. doesnt know what he does but BOI when he finds out ,,,,

drinking buddy - someone gabe regularly sees but doesnt know their name bc ?? wow hello fellow sorrowful human being we both like to day/afternoon/night drink at the same bar how Beautiful

enemies - wether its a u just annoy the shit out of me or a i might actually put on a hit on u cause ur threatening my career/life/family pls i ust want interactions w gabe maybe actually feeling threatened or someone to roast gabe and gabe can roast u back. OR someone that ran against gabe in the election and was like ???? fkc u ??? how did an emotionally stunted grandpa beat me in this shit ??

reporters ?? - or anyone who might work for the media that’s constantly hounding gabe w questions, interviews whatever and hes always like !!!!! f u !!!ck !!! leave !! me !!!! alone !!!!!!! but w a dead inside smile cause hes a Man of the People now :)

body guard - ok this one ur... muse would have to be shady af. like ex hitman or ex military/marksman or smth and hed be working under the table w some sort of cover story cause he wouldnt actually work for the mafia ?? just literally just for gabe cause he hired them himself just for Insurance AGAINST the mafia .. cant have an assassination on his hands yknow this is v specific ill prob have to request this but ??

affairs - occasional hook ups ?? regular hook up?? hooked up once ?? past thing ?? on-going thing ?? lowkey sugar baby ??? an escort ?? this lowkey depends on his relationship w his wife but it is kinda implied in the secret that their marriage is unhappy and it mf tears me up cause old gabe WOULD NEVER litterlay this boi had ‘i <3 my wife’ tattooed on his forehead :// but he a complete shitshow now so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

coworkers - basically anyone he could possibly work with. but i would like just one of them tho to be like gabe’s secretary/assistant and his dedicated right hand man/woman and lowkey knows what he’s ACTUALLY doing but is loyal af so doesnt sya shit

advisor - gabe wouldve hired this peep early on cause obv he doesnt know shit about politics and needed some help. lowkey shady n under the table too cause wow the people cant know tha tgabes amazing ideas ?? arent actually his ?? but idk still kinda working this out in my head

old flame/the one that got away - give me the ugli high school sweethearts trope that is so sweet it makes u wanna puke :’) ur muse would have to be like 41-43 tho lmfao aND we can plot out how it’d be like now whether they drc or it angsty af

unrequited crush/feelings - gabe has no time n space for feelings rn so itd have 2 be ur chara having ?? icky ?? feelings for gabe ?? god that shit alwyas gets me FCKED UP

[tumblunni]

Bunni talks about thier cute pets! Cos I’m on such a rune factory hype today I figured I may as well ramble about what monsters I captured, and maybe other stuff about how I personally chose to play the game. I love how there’s so many different ways to play and all different routes to making enough money and exp to progress the main story! Usually in these kinds of games I focus on dungeoncrawling (like i did in stardew valley) but I’m surprised how much I genuinely enjoyed the farming in this game even though it was A HUGE CHORE in stardew! This series is the pinnacle of farming type games in my opinion, it appeals even to non-fans like me!

ANYWAY UMM I LOVE MY MONSTERS I pretty much never take them with me to dungeons, the only time I use dungeon monsters is if I catch them in the current dungeon, then I just send them home and never want them to get hurt ever again. I really REALLY like that the game levels up your monsters with a percentage of your exp even if you dont fight with them! It means you dont lose buddy battle festivals just because you choose to use them for farming instead of fighting. i have like a bazillion monster barns all super maxed out size and i have all my monsters doing the majority of my farming work nowadays except if I need to try levelling up seeds or growing a large crop. I respect them a lot cos theyre doing all this hard work so I’m able to take time off and focus on dating people and saving the world, while still making good money and PP! They save me a lot of time juggling the two sides of the game ^_^ Also I started off wanting to try and catch one of every monster in the game, but it started to become impossible to afford the higher level upgrades to get big enough monster barns to hold them all, cos I was having 90% of my fields taken up by growing enough hay to feed them all. So i sadly had to give up on the idea! But by then i’d grown attatched to a lot of them so I was only able to release the last few newest ones I’d got, I still have like forty of them and only ten of them are actually doing anything :P BUT THEYRE TOO CUTE TO SAY GOODBYE!! Oh and now i am still trying to maybe collect all the ghost types, cos theyre sweetie boops! i really love the design of the spirit types with the flamey body and the jack o lantern face. (funny since theres an ACTUAL jack o lantern type ghost that just has a regular smile) Its a bit of a lazy design choice that all of them are flameballs just recoloured to match the elements tho, i mean why not have them be lil tornados or water droplets with faces? Anyway, my main one is a wind elemental named Gizmo after my rotom in pokemon. She was one of The Saviour Trio, whom I love! They were part of an unusual strategy that helped me powerlevel early on. I would run into a dungeon that was way too high level to be completed right now, and throw all my good cookery items at the first monster i see, hoping I could catch it. Then if I succeeded I would use that monster to beat up all the similarly levelled monsters while my low level self was dying in the background, carrying me thru the dungeon til I’d powered up enough to fight alongside it! ^_^ The initial two I started with were Fester the hammer giant and Atlas the beetle, but when I saw the adorable ghosties I had to catch one and call it gizmo! i actually saw that dungeon’s wind variant ghosties before i met the original fire ones in the actual dungeon I was supposed to go to. Another noteable trio were the first three monsters I caught, who’ve been managing my main farm field ever since. Virion the archer orc, Snap the chipsqueak and Florin the flower thingie! Also Iron the bull, who’s been perpetually useful with how he’s like the only damn way to get milk items, seriously :P Why is milk so sparse in this game :P (tho randomly i do like how this world’s equivelant of cows are like if cows and bulls were merged into one creature. genderfluid bovine! maybe theyre like clownfish) There’s also Silver and Kafka, the two mandatory pets that you get during the various sechs dungeons for some reason. I got particularly attatched to Kafka cos I headcanoned that the monsters trapped in that cage were human test subjects used to develop the rune stone technology that ethelberd uses to steal the dragons’s power. It just seemed like that would be the only reason that this fairy monster can talk when no other ones do. So i kinda treat Kafka like he’s my character’s child, even though he never talks again after you add him to your party I like to headcanon he’s still sentient and part of the family. Oh, and I headcanon he’s a boy cos I didnt know until seeing the monster profile after recruiting the character that the green fairies are meant to be female. None of the other monsters get described as only being one gender except the fairies, if I recall correctly? (and the guardian bosses, but thats understandable considering their origins) So yeah, i kinda made him into an oc and I can imagine him having a gijinka form like the guardians after theyre purified? but fairy type monsters already look pretty humanoid and if I made them any more so then they’d just look exactly like amber. So maybe if I draw him as an oc I’d change what kind of monster he is and try drawing a gijinka of that? Maybe merge some of my monsters together and do a gijinka of the wind ghosties or the dead tree thing? SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOVE MY NEWEST TEAM MEMBER russel the tree ghost boss character!! he is so huge and so powerful!!! I love him!! I was so pleasantly surpised to find out I could catch boss monsters!! I think he’s the best one ive got so far, cos the second bosses in each guardian dungeon were kinda ones that didnt have any plot or anything, so i feel more like i can make ocs of them. it was weird how they just came out of nowhere to have ane xcuse for the revisit quests to have a boss battle too. Extra weird cos you can still rematch the guardian bosses once per day anyway. anyway my oc thoughts for russel is that he is Large but very kind and gentle and shy and cries whenever he hurts the smaller peoples. He is a quiet gardener who likes to bake apple pies for people. (”This apple was grown from my flesh!” *sunny smile*) So he’s kinda like a more socially anxious Amber? I was thinking if he got to turn into a human with a tragic past like how the first four bosses did, he would be a big bara love interest guy cos he’s like the largest boss character model. And cos shy kind baras are some of my fave love interests! (I am SO excited to marry benny in Fe Fates whenever i finally get that game!) I was thinking maybe he could have dark skin and have some bright shoulder tattoos that look all flowery like the apples he had as a tree. And maybe he sprouts flowers from his shoulders when he blushes! Or maybe has a flower on the top of his head? But I like the idea of him having very big hair of some sort, to tangeantally resemble a tree. Maybe a handsome afro, or maybe very long very soft flowing rapunzel hair, or maybe very non-bishie scruffy hair that he can never tame? Or maybe he’s bald and has a long beard... Anyway he would be very cute and I think he’d be a fan favourite.

[sailoryue]

Tale of a Saiyan's tail pt 3

Bra continued terrorizing the forest, seemingly finding the trees an annoying adversary, snagging at the tutu sewn into her suit. She suddenly paused, narrowing her eyes and began readying an energy beam, as Vegeta had known she would figure how to do. Right now she was running on pure instinct. Most untrained and lower-classed saiyans never bothered training in their great ape forms, it was often difficult given that Vegeta-sai's moon was full only once every 7 years, and most didn't see the point. Vegeta's own father however saw to it that on his first full moon, at the very age Bra was, he would learn Control. His father had an advantage in that training tho. Vegeta had to teach his daughter control, outside of his ape form. He fired a low powered blast above her head, breaking her concentration causing the energy she was accumulating to disperse. "Hey! Watch firing at our daughter like that!" Bulma's voice shouted in the earpiece he had nearly forgotten he was wearing. He shot a glare at the nearby remote drone hovering overhead. "First of all, you have no idea what destruction that blast could have wrought, secondly, had I not fired that low powered big bang, she would have fired a major blast, that would have destroyed your barrier." "FIRST of all, " Bulma countered, "I in fact DO have an idea at what destruction such a blast can bring. I've seen Goku use it before." That statement took Vegeta off guard, "Wait, when the hell did you see Kakarot turn into the great ape?" "I could have sworn I told you this story. It was a long time ago, when I was 16." How had Vegeta not heard this story before? In his distraction however, Bra took this time to grab him in her hands. Vegeta cursed under his breath for foolishly allowing that to happen. "Oops, sorry dear." Bulma's voice chirped from the earpiece, before going completely quiet. Vegeta growled and struggled to get out of the firm grip of his daughter, who thankfully hadn't done more than just hold him. He had to think, and think fast. An Ozaru's grip can crush damn near anything. "Bra, please release your father this instant." He said as patiently as he could muster thru clenched teeth. He could easily break her grip just by going super saiyan, but he worried that doing so may break her hands. If she broke a few ribs, that didn't matter. Any injury he obtained was inconsequential compared to any injury done to his daughter. Rather than do what he said, all Bra did was stare blankly at him before uttering an earth-shattering roar right in his face, spraying him with spit in the process. That was not pleasant. Obviously words weren't going to work. At least not spoken ones, as she was not hearing them. He focused his abilities. 'Bra. This is your father. Let me go now!' He sent a telepathic message to her. This caused the massive beast his daughter became to pause; not a moment to soon as she had just started to squeeze. For now it was just a tad difficult to breath. She looked around trying to find the voice that just spoke to her. 'Bra, I'm here, in your hands' He tried again, bringing his mental voice a little louder and firmer. Bra looked down at her hands, and tilted her head. She uttered a questioning grunt. 'Yes, down here. Do you recognize me?' Bra uttered another grunt, softer. Her mouth moved as if to try to talk, but all that came out was growls. Followed by a huff. Vegeta couldn't help but chuckle. 'It's ok daughter, it takes time to speak in that form. Your father would greatly appreciate it if you would let him go?' Vegeta felt the massive grip around him finally loosen he floated in front of Bra in her great ape form. “Good. We will work on telepathy another day. The great ape mind can be a little... over whelming at first.” Then he switched to telepathy, as he was actually getting somewhere with that. –---- While Vegeta was having a one way mental conversation with his daughter, the great ape, Bulma and Trunks were in a nearby observation post just outside the barrier she had put up. She didn’t worry too much when the drone stopped picking up audio. She saw that in some way Vegeta was communicating with Bra, even if not out loud. She knew that Vegeta wanted privacy at this point, as she watched him pull the communicator out of his ear. She turned off the audio feed from the drone as at this point it was pointless, but still watched the video. Trunks was looking out the window with a pair of binoculars. There was a sudden whoosh sound followed by a crash. She turned around to see Goku standing with his fingers on his forehead; Goten was laying on the ground, having apparently lost his footing when they 'landed.' "Bulma, quick! There's a large power level nearby!" He exclaimed. Bulma rolled her eyes. "Yes, I am well aware." She pointed to the video screen. Goku came over and saw the scene playing out. While Goku watched the scene of Vegeta talking with the blue furred great ape, behind them Trunks helped Goten up, silently greeting his friend, laughing at how Goten always falls over when he instant-transmissions. "Sorry, dad was in a rush on that teleport and it caught me off --, holy crap what's that!?" He said taking notice of the looming figure in the distance. Trunks handed him a pair of binoculars. "It's Bra." "EH!? THAT'S LITTLE BRA!?" Goku shouted in surprise. "Yes. It is. And Vegeta is trying to train her on controlling that right now." "Oh, I thought I sensed his energy near there. Lucky I thought to lock on Trunks's energy instead then" Goku chuckled. Bulma quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, it is a good thing. If you ended up breaking the hold he had on Bra's concentration, he probably would have let her throttle you had she got you first." Goku gave a sheepish grin. "But does he really got her under control?" He asked getting rather serious. He knew how destructive that form can be, how one can be completely and utterly lost in its instincts. Bulma pointed at the video monitor again, with a proud grin. "Considering she's no longer tearing up my forest, You tell me." Goku watched the scene of Vegeta perched on the giant ape's knee with a determined concentration on his face. He made some gestures as if telling a story. Goku was impressed. "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!" He said with a chuckle. Goten groaned while Trunks rolled his eyes; Bulma pinched the bridge of her nose. Goku always had such a terrible sense of humor. "Anyways," She sighed, "As you can see Goku, we have everything under control here. The sun's going to rise soon, so its best that you get going before Vegeta realizes you are here." ------ As the sun began to rise, he felt a shift in the air as the energy withdrew itself into his daughter. Her giant great form began to dwindle, and shrink as she slowly turned back into a small child. He floated down to the ground right as she was 100% back to normal, catching her as she collapsed, weakened by the transformation. Once safe in his arms she fell into a deep sleep, snuggled into his chest, tiny fist clenching his shirt. He smiled, chest swelling with pride. 'Sleep well my little princess. You did well, and we have two more days for this lunar cycle to go.' He took off into the direction of the observation post that Bulma and Trunks were staying, noting that Kakarot's energy had vanished. The other saiyan was lucky he didn't stick around as he was not in the mood to deal with him. He too needed his rest for tonight would be another full moon. Funny how the Earth's lunar cycle provides 3 full moons every month; it was baffling! Looking down at his sleeping daughter in his arms, he smiled to himself. Yes, she was going to be a great saiyan warrior when she grew up. And he couldn't wait to see how she expanded her potential! ------- ok so i may have taken a little creative liberty on this one. I know that in dragon ball that Goku never used that beam attack great apes use, but.... lets just say for the sake of this he did. anyways. this was fun to write, and there was one line that i absolutely had to put in... I probably have one or 2 more fics in my series of family fics for the Briefs. hope you enjoyed, and please review~!