#but its soul sucking to be with someone who’s ashamed of you

[dogmotifs]

hey i just ended my first long term relationship after over two years together if anyone has any words of advice or commissary or tinder profile tips (only half kidding) it’s gladly welcomed <3

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

Warning: rant

my best friend who I'm super super close with (we dated for a bit and when we broke up cause we're both aspec we kept cuddling and basically being each other's forever people) isn't comfortable with the term queer platonic but we've agreed that our friendship is inherently queer because of how much we break relationship norms (we kiss and are obsessed with each other and genuinely are just soulmates) and he's okay with me sometimes calling him my platonic partner if I need to explain why he's so important to me, but I just feel really abandoned knowing that he'll never talk about me that way. He's as in love with me as I am with him but I've always been the poetically 'romantic' one who's good at expressing my love and he just isn't really like that. I feel like a bad person because of how much it hurts me that when he talks about me to others they'll just assume we're normal best friends, it feels like he's ashamed of me. I'll never pressure him to do anything and I know our relationship isn't gonna be a queerplatonic one because he isn't comfortable with that, I just wish society understood that I can be both his best friend and his soul mate and favorite person.

Ugh ik it sucks, my qp crush used to keep talking about how she'd marry me but not in a romantic way and i kept being like "...qpr???? queerplatonic??????? same?????????????" but every time she wouldn't ask me more about it or do any research and then it'd happen again and she'd forget what a qpr is 😭 (it makes more sense now knowing that she liked me romantically but it was extremely frustrating when i thought we felt similarly)

Its hard when you know someone else isn't comfortable with a label you like, but i hope the relationship works out for y'all

[sleepyivoryrose]

i need to charge up my creativity...these last days I have quite a few ideas for stuff, but zero motivation for anything, spent a lot of time with napping or sleeping...

today I ate corn for lunch and now boiled potatoes with spinach...I'm still probably hungry afterwards, but I am working towards to at least eating a bit more healthy, even if it's not less.

(I am ashamed to say, that even as an adult, I am very picky with my vegetables. My grandma wasn't exactly someone who cooked a lot of it when I was a child, and my mother loves hotpots, but she cooked them on the other hand so often that I grew sick of it...my family says "Sae eats well!"...Sae eats well when the food is tasty for him. Sadly.)

But I'm trying to implement them slowly but surely in my diet (even though often I am too stubborn to eat the vegetables I bought and let them wilt. I hate when that happens, I'm such a manchild sometimes.)

And I hate wasting food. I did eat rotten food before, because I didn't want to waste it. Not very smart, I know. Actually, really fucking stupid. But when I think, that in meats case, an animal sacrificed himself so that I could live another day, I get really depressed and can't do it. It's like the animal dying was in vain, and it makes me angry.

I don't have the sheer will to turn vegetarian or even vegan, but the least I can do is honor the death of it, by making it a part of my own.

I heard that religion back in the prehistoric ages was all about being grateful for a good hunt, or having rituals so that the hunt might succeed. That included honoring the dying animal by painting it on the walls, or singing in the honor of its soul. That's also the reason why we like hearing singing with echo, like in churches or bathrooms- because the rituals were held in the caverns, and it reminds some primitive part of us of those ages. Don't quote me on that though, it's been years since I last heard of that theory.

Going back to the food talk...(sorta) It's going to be really hot again this week. I was hoping that it would be tolerable before my big appointment, but I don't seem to be in gods grace right now. Which is okay. He's already good enough with me as it is. Sometimes, you just gotta sack it up and endure.

Which means - I shouldn't go outside with this heat. Which means, of course- I can't go grocery shopping. Or at least, I got to hydrate properly before going outside, which is a giant pain in the ass (it's complicated, don't ask)

At the very least, I went outside a bit today. The sun was shining, and there were a lot of people (i was exasperated), annnd I bought a new shoujo manga. I didn't even notice it's from the same mangaka who created lovesick ellie. But I guess I was drawn to it, because it subconciously reminded me of it. "Definitly love", they call it in Germany. It's quite cute, the heroine is almost the same as last manga personality wise, but...it's kind of a guilty pleasure. You know it's not some revolutionary shit, but you keep coming back for more.

It keeps me at least a little bit sane. Inmersing myself in other worlds, I mean. I am fully aware that's it's very luxurious escapism, but...people scare me. A lot. I get half a panic attack only thinking about them getting displeased with me. Never learned how to deal with conflict I guess, only by shutting up and ignoring it.

Which most of the times doesn't make the conflict go away. Actually, most times, if it involves humans, it mutates into some atrocity. I am aware. Yet the fear is just too strong. Humans scare me so much.

Yet, how communities work, is through conflict and, generally speaking, talking things out. And I noticed that we suck in the peacefully speaking department. Our selfish nature doesn't allow us more often than not to consider other peoples feelings. I'm no different. But that's one of the many reasons why I try not to interact too much - I feel like a bother. And I am. I know it.

But as said, I need to work. I want to work, in a job, and have a healthy lifestyle and routine, and maybe even work on my self, physically and emotionally. For some reason, I never seem to change though. My advanced mental illness doesn't help to be strong, because it's a huge handicap, when you got a little monster in your head that inserts images and words in your head you don't want, and worst case scenario, materializes in form of mean, bullying voices. Thank goodness the later didn't happen for years now (As I am aware for now. Illusions are so real I can't differentiate it from the real thing.)

But yeah, I know, TMI.

Anyways, enough trauma dumping. I'm sorry if this text upset you, dear reader, and I hope you can forgive me. Hopefully this text is so long that you gave up halfway through.

At least...I hope there are no readers. I just want to be by myself. Sort things out, yknow?

But yeah. I'm getting drowsy, it's time to kick back and relax a bit.

[the-maddened-hatter]

I Can't read their names, but here's their character blurbs!

Witch 1- Fairy Witch. Nature: Paranoia. A witch who fears dying, her true form is a faintly humanoid blob of nectar. Her vines entangle all over her barrier. The bells will alert her familiars of an intruder. Coming from a girl who loved botany her barrier is a thick and deep forest, her vines wrapped all over the place.

Witch 2- Succubus Witch. Nature: Hollow. A witch who desires to fill the void in her chest, she can show other people's desires but cannot fulfill hers. She is quite ashamed of her barrier's form (a striptease). When a human comes near, she will drag them into her void. She targets humans in a drunken stupor.

Witch 3- Rainbow Witch. Nature: Zealous. A witch who has one wish: to be adorned with the brightest of hues. She prides herself on all the colors that she has slathered on her body. If she sees any colorful item (alive or not) she will suck them dry. Her barrier is a monochrome sky with lollipops and paintbrushes sticking out of the ground.

Witch 4- Crescent Moon Witch. Nature: Serenity. The witch sees her barrier as an ideal haven. Although naturally calm, she considers humans as pests and the mere presence of a human will set her off. Her barrier is breathtakingly beautiful: a sky full of stars, glowing flowers, and a castle in the distance.

Witch 5- Gown Witch. Nature: Insecure. A witch who desires to be beautiful. She always finds herself hideous and is envious of models and actors for their beauty and charisma. She hates someone looking at her. You can stun her by giving her a genuine compliment. Her barrier is a large maze, and clothes litter the floor and it looks like a closet

Witch 6- Tsukumogami Witch. Nature: Perfectionism. A witch who craves the perfect show. She never accepts even the smallest mistakes. She puppets all of her barrier and even makes the music. She will tear apart any disturbance to her rehearsal. Her barrier is an old & decrepit Japanese theater. With every strum of her shamisen her barrier shifts and moves.

Witch 7- Alcohol Witch. Nature: Lovesick. A witch who desires one thing: Love. She will kiss you until your lips bleed and hug you until your spine breaks. She sees everyone regardless of race or gender. She is always devastated when her "lover" dies, but will forget about them when a new person enters the barrier. Since she is made of alcohol she sets on fire easily.

Witch 8- Unicorn Witch. Nature: Bliss. A witch who lives her days blissfully day dreaming. She is a docile witch as she never attacks, however this does not mean she is defenseless. She leaks rainbow mist that is filled with toxins. She loves sweets. Her barrier may look harmless, but everything in it is deadly: the flowers are carnivorous, the water is acid, and the butterflies feed on blood.

Witch 9- The Witch of Gold. Nature: Superficial. A witch who desires only more and more gold. She is never satisfied no matter how much gold her familiars find. She will eat and devour anything that looks remotely valuable, only to puke it out when it loses its luster. Her barrier may look like a luxurious mansion, but it turns into a bleak mine deeper within.

Witch 10- Witch of Perfume. Nature: Courtship. A witch who creates and contains different perfumes. She makes them to attempt to find love and friendship. Unfortunately her perfumes cause death and hallucinations. Those hallucinations will make anyone fall into madness.

Witch 11- Cradle Witch. Nature: Crybaby. A very infantile and innocent witch. She believes that she is always alone. She tries to soothe herself using her music box. Despite her familiars begging her to come out of the witch's chambers she will never, as her sobs will drown them out. Her barrier looks like a giant crib: Soft patchwork blanket floors, toys littering the floor, and giant white pillars that are seemingly endless.

Witch 12- Pumpkin Witch. Nature: Trickery. A witch who finds human souls to be sweet. She has quite the sweet tooth and is easily distracted by them. Any soul she devours she is able to create an identical puppet of to lure more people into her barrier. The barrier she dwells in has a multitude of colorful doors and Halloween decor. The artificial fruit scent it so strong that it gives anyone a headache.

Art Repost #7

[primofate]

Genshin x fem!reader [Volleyball Team AU - Inspired by Haikyuu!] He introduces S/O to the team

Before you read this, might be a good idea to read the introduction first. To give you the whole low-down of the team and their dynamicsssss.

Other works in the Volleyball Team AU Series: Click Here

Scenario: You and him have been dating for a while now. Why does the team not know and what’s their reaction in finding out/when he introduces you?

Warnings: AU if that’s not your thing then don’t read, not proofread...as usual.

#1 Zhongli (Captain/Wing Spiker/Ace)

You’ve been dating for nearly 5 months at this point. Beforehand the two of you were close friends. So the team kind of already knew you guys were close, but you’d never met the team properly.

It’s not that he was HIDING your relationship, its that he didn’t want to pressure you into meeting his team. They could really be an overwhelming bunch of high schoolers sometimes.

As it happens he walks to the gym hand in hand with you one day, his other hand on his duffel sports bag, thinking that he’d be the earliest one there as always. 

But when he slides the gym doors open his WHOLE TEAM greets him “CAPTAIN!” and then there’s an awkward silence that descends as they all catch him with his hand intertwined with yours.

KAEYA AND TARTAGLIA LOSES IT. “C-Captain, you had a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?!” “You finally made a move on her?!” “S’about time!”

Needless to say they both get knocked on the head by Zhongli’s fist. 

Zhongli sighs and turns to you apologetically but you say that you don’t mind meeting them. He perks up and claps his hands to ask his team to line up.

They do so diligently. Kaeya, Tartaglia and Thoma are giddy while looking at you. Xiao and Kazuha have their mouth slightly agape as if you’re some kind of rare species. Diluc and Albedo stare you down. 

You introduce yourself as Zhongli’s gilrfriend and as you do so Tartaglia’s eyes dart towards Zhongli who has a slightly shy expression on his face. 

“Oh, oh question time!” Thoma raises his hand “Does the captain secretly eat sweets behind our back?” You haven’t even answered when Kaeya asks “Does the captain ever glare at you (he mimics Zhongli’s face) and say 10 Push ups NOW!” Surprisingly Diluc raises his hand too “...Is the captain strict with you too?”

Zhongli gets irked the more questions are asked and he finally steps in with an ominous presence. “10 laps around the gym...NOW!” 

He apologizes to you again but you reassure him it’s totally fine and they all seem like such fun. 

#2 Diluc (Vice Captain/Wing Spiker/Defense Specialist)

The vice captain is a very secretive guy.

Not even his brother knew.

It’s not that he was ashamed of you, he just liked his privacy and you already knew that. 

But there was this one time where he forgot his textbooks under his desk and you had to go and give it to him while he was at practice.

Shyly looking into the door the first one that spots you is Albedo.

“...Do you need something?” you tense up at Albedo’s question and shakily hand him the textbooks.

“U-Uhm... D-Diluc’s...”

Albedo tilts his head and turns to shout at the team. “Someone’s looking for the vice captain,”

Everyone stops what they’re doing and snaps there head towards you.

Diluc jogs over, sweat still fresh on his forehead. Without thinking he takes the books from you, small smile on his face and thanks you.

The rest of his team freezes up all thinking: “Hold on, is he...SMILING?”

You’re oblivious to them staring and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. When Diluc turns back his team is glaring daggers at him, he stares back at them. Doesn’t say anything, and continues practice.

No one is brave enough to ask him about it.

Tartaglia whispers to Kaeya “You didn’t know about it either huh?”

#3 Kaeya (Middle Blocker)

This MF would talk about you whenever he had the chance.

Y/N this, Y/N that, Y/N is so cute. 

Frankly the team is kinda tired of it. 

But when you finally visit one of their practices the team levels their gaze at you and think “Oh shit, he wasn’t lying, she is actually cute,”

Sees his teammates expression and brags even more. “I know what y’all are thinking. You’re thinking, OH! She’s actually really cute! Hm?”

Slings an arm around you shamelessly with a grin. “Back off boys, I’ll block all your attempts,”

Diluc is the one that walks up to you and you blink at him. Kaeya blinks at him, confused as well.

Diluc suddenly bows, “I feel sorry for you but please take care of him,”

The rest of the team either bursts out laughing or snickers behind their hand.

Their vice captain is low key savage

#4 Albedo (Setter)

The team finds out about you cause when they finish practice they find you waiting outside the gym.

Kazuha asks politely while the others look on “Are you lost?”

You straighten up and stutter a little, “Ah, uh, no, I’m...” You’re at a loss for words. 

Then Albedo suddenly appears from the gym doors and sees you. “Ah, were you waiting long? Sorry,”

Thoma tilts his head in question. “Albedo...Your sister?”

Albedo at this point was standing next to you already. “...No, my girlfriend,” like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Everyone is stunned into statues.

“H-How did you get one before me?” Tartaglia looks as if his soul had been sucked out of his body.

“Next time you can just come inside and wait inside the gym, it’s dark out here,” their responsible captain suggests and you’re amazed at his kindness and bow at him with a thank you.

Albedo doesn’t see what’s the big deal and just grabs your hand and starts walking away.

#5 Tartaglia (Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The team already knew since the first date. It’s because he.would.not.shut.up.about.it

That particular day at practice his spikes were a tad bit stronger than usual.

“Oi... you’re getting too excited...” Xiao mumbles at him. Tartaglia just grins and scratches the back of his head. “Aaaahhhh... I can’t help it, I’m so nervous for my date with Y/N!”

A few more dates later he starts showing off his phone wallpaper to the others. It’s a picture of you and him.

Kaeya tries to piss him off by saying, “Huh, we’ve never actually seen her in person. Maybe it’s photoshopped,” The others snicker.

Is so pissed, asks you to come immediately.

You thought it was an emergency so you come into the gym with a worried look on your face only to be hugged tight into his chest. “See? See? She’s totally real and totally cute!”

Albedo crosses his arms and blinks, then looks at Kaeya “...You totally baited him, he’s such a simpleton.”

Kaeya responds with a smirk “Right?”

#6 Kazuha (Decoy/Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The most formal out of all of them and even tells them seriously that he had an announcement to make.

Next day he comes into practice with you in tow.

Properly introduces you as his girlfriend. 

Everyone is wide-eyed at how official it feels. Then you suddenly take out a big container of fruits and tell everyone it’s for them (The captain doesn’t allow sweets, he thinks it’ll fatten them up or some crap.)

EVERYONE IS BLESSED BY YOUR PRESENCE and Kazuha is just enjoying you getting along with them.

Kaeya and Tartaglia try to whisper and bribe you into making cookies for them. 

Albedo and Xiao stares at Kazuha thinking ‘If someone like you can get a girlfriend, we can get one too, right?’

You offer to come back next time with more fruits and some secret cookies.

#7 Xiao (Libero)

Tried to keep it a secret because he knows his team will make a fuss about it.

The team finds out when his phone suddenly starts ringing in the middle of practice and he asks for a timeout to pick it up.

“Mm... Yeah... I’ll pick you up when I finish,” Everyone starts nudging each other when they hear him talk to you in an unusually calm and soft tone. So different from when he plays volleyball and gets angry at them.

By this point everyone tries to keep quiet and enlarge their ears to eavesdrop.

“Idiot... I won’t be late. I promised to take you out didn’t I?” 

Hearing their tsundere libero say something so sweet makes everyone combust.

When he turns back everyone is staring at him with smirks on their faces. “Hey, why not just ask her to come here?” Kaeya sneakily suggests.

Xiao blushes “A-As if I’d let her near you bumbling fools!”

He was worried it would scare you away, actually.

#8 Tohma (Pinch Server/Middle Blocker)

Literally no one is surprised he has a girlfriend.

It would be MORE of a surprise if he DIDN’T have one.

But they find out cause he left his phone out on the bench one day and there’d been a text message while Xiao was conveniently sitting on the bench.

“...Tohma, someone me--” Xiao looks at the screen where the message ‘I love you!’ is clearly written.

Xiao is so curious but is not gunna admit it so he nudges Kaeya or Tartaglia who might be sitting next to him and secretly motions over to the phone.

They read it and ask in a real loud voice “Oi Tohma! Who’s Y/N? They said I love you!” 

Tohma laughs nervously and since it’s already out he might as well introduce you. 

“This is my princess,” he says when you enter the gym to walk home with him that afternoon. You bow and introduce yourself and everyone looks at you thinking... “Ah, they look like the perfect domestic couple,”

Low-key everyone is jealous of how you dote on him.

Hello Hello! Technically this could be counted as fluff, but I understand that not everyone is fond of AUs, so, if you don’t mind being tagged to something like this, please fill in the survey again (I’ve added AU as an option, just click that one if you’ve signed up for the others before!)

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[vrishchikawrites]

There was an idea I had seen on crossdressingdeath's tumblr where JC & WWX were having an argument and then JC tells WWX that LWJ should've died in Xuanwu cave. WWX snaps at him by saying that he had wanted JZX to die as well to which JL overhears that and results in a fallout between the uncle and nephew.

I thought that idea was amazing and I needed to see it written.

(I hope crossdressingdeath or op don't mind me writing this. As always, this prompt goes in a little different direction)

"He should've died and saved all of us the trouble!"

Jin Ling stops and frowns at his Uncle's sharp words. Tentatively, he peers around the corner to see Jiujiu scowling at Wei Wuxian, his eyes flashing and posture stubborn.

And Wei Wuxian...

Jin Ling shivers, eyes going wide.

He has never seen Wei Wuxian angry. He didn't even know the man was capable of anger.

Jin Ling resists the urge to take a step back and run because Wei Wuxian looks ready to kill. His red-tinted gaze is focused on Jiujiu and his expression is almost cruel.

A sneering smile, teeth bared like a demon on the verge of devouring its meal.

"You know, Jiang Cheng, the way you talk about Lan Zhan makes one thing very clear. You've now switched to projecting your insecurities onto him." Jin Ling winces and his uncle snarls, "It would serve you better if you followed his example instead."

"You!-" Jiujiu steps forward threateningly, Zidian sparkling in response to his anger, "How dare you?!"

"How dare I?" Wei Wuxian's tongue goes razer sharp, "Unlike you, I don't stay silent when someone attacks the people I love."

Jiujiu seems to understand something from that because laughs coldly, "I never loved you! You were a bane since the very beginning!"

"Good to know!" Wei Wuxian snaps back, "Because that gives me the freedom to shove some hard truths down your throat." He takes a step forward and for the first time, Jin Ling sees ice-cold resolve on Wei Wuxian's face.

It looks remarkably like Hanguang-jun's expression.

"You forget Lan Zhan wasn't the only one I saved that day, Jiang Cheng. Where would Jin Ling be if I hadn't saved Jin Zixuan? Wen Chao ordered his men to kill both Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan. Did you care for Shijie's heart at all?"

"Shijie would've moved on." Jiujiu snaps and Jin Ling grows cold, "She would've had children with someone -!"

"Jiang Wanyin!" Wei Wuxian sounds just as horrified as Jin Ling feels.

"You killed Jin Zixuan! You hated him before that. Don't act high and mighty now." Jiujiu says but Jin Ling is just numb. He knows his parents died under complicated circumstances.

While he isn't entirely comfortable with Wei Wuxian's role in their death, he has learned to move on. He hasn't forgiven the man, not entirely, but-

'You're a lot like your father, prickly and sensitive. You also have his heart. He was proud but he had a good heart.' Wei Wuxian had laughed, 'And there's your mother's kindness hidden there, too. You have her capacity for love. Her generosity of spirit.

You are good.'

Wei Wuxian had been the only one to say he was like his parents. Everyone said he was like Jiujiu.

To hear the same man casually dismiss his existence hurt.

"I fully acknowledge my part in it but you don't get to turn this around! Have you no care for Jin Ling?" Wei Wuxian demands, his voice is stern and concerned. "What are you doing, Jiang Cheng? I hope you haven't said anything like this to Jin Ling! That boy is your nephew!"

Jiujiu snarls, "Of course, I care about him! But what about my mother? My father? All the people who paid with their lives because you provoked and distracted the Wens! Are they less valuable than Jin Ling?"

"Jiang Cheng," Wei Wuxian breathes, "Mind your words, what are you saying?"

"I'm right!" Jiang Wanyin says and Jin Ling covers his mouth shakily, "Who cares if Jin Zixuan died then? Who cares if Lan Wangji died? What's so important about them that you were willing to risk it all? If you only had kept your head down-"

"You cruel, cowardly fool."

There's complete silence and Jin Ling swallows.

"The Wens would've attacked regardless. They wanted to setup a supervisory office. They did it already in Qinghe!" Wei Wuxian starts pacing, "Think. Think for once in your life! War was on the horizon and our response was 'let them come to us, we'll fight'. It was arrogance itself to presume we wouldn't fail. We should've prepared, we should have come up with backup plans or evacuation plans! Something. But we did nothing and we paid the price."

"You-!"

"Don't! I am ashamed of you!" Wei Wuxian's tone is sharp and grave, "It is good that we're no longer martial brothers."

Jin Ling sucks a sharp breath and watches as Wei Wuxian spins around and walks away.

"Jin Ling deserves much better than you."

Jin Ling is too shaken to react as Wei Wuxian rounds the corner and spots him. He just looks up blankly as the man's expression goes from cold disgust to horror.

"Jin Ling,"

He sounds heartbroken, somehow. Jin Ling looks beyond Wei Wuxian to see Jiang Wanyin. The man had followed Wei Wuxian to shout some more, he supposes.

He looks shocked and dismayed too. There's perhaps a touch of regret in his expression.

He doesn't care.

He stares at them wordlessly and Wei Wuxian crouches before him, placing both his hands on his shoulders, "Jin Ling- how much-?"

"I heard enough to know Jiujiu thinks I'm replaceable." He says, eerily calm.

"Don't be stupid," Jiang Wanyin says, "I didn't-"

"Just stop talking." Wei Wuxian interrupts, rubbing his hands down Jin Ling's arms comfortingly. "Jin Ling, what do you need?" He asks, raising his hands to cup his face, "How can I help?"

Jin Ling appreciates that his- his mother's shidi- doesn't ask any stupid questions or offer empty reassurance.

He appreciates that Wei Wuxian doesn't say, 'He didn't mean it,' or 'don't misunderstand.'

Jiang Wanyin absolutely meant it.

"Baba?"

They all look to see the Hanguang-jun and Lan Sizhui walking towards them. The younger Lan is clearly concerned. Even the Hanguang-jun seems a bit suspicious, glancing from Jin Ling's face to his husband's and then to Jiang Wanyin.

"Wei Ying?"

"A moment, xingan," Wei Wuxian studies Jin Ling, "What do you need, nephew?"

Jiang Wanyin hisses but Jin Ling grabs hold of that word and embraces it, holding it close to his soul.

He can choose to dismiss him. Or he can choose to reach for the hand that is offered in compassion.

"I need Jiujiu to leave." He takes a deep breath, "And I don't want to see him until I'm ready."

"Jin Ling!"

"Very well, Lan Zhan, can you drag Jiang Cheng away for me? He's being an absolute brat."

The Hanguang-jun doesn't hesitate and Jin Ling refuses to pay attention to Jiang Wanyin's protests. He just stares into compassionate silver eyes.

Eyes that haven't looked away for a single moment.

He takes a deep breath, absorbs all of that focus, and steps forward.

The scent of sandalwood incense envelopes him as his uncle hugs him back.

Even now, he isn't alone.

He needs to focus on that.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Sheer | Kai Parker

Warnings; SMUT, ANGST, and FLUFF, mentions of death, mourning, loss, mentions of murder, trauma, swearing, unprotected sex,

A/N; sorta made up a whole storyline for this imagine, may be a teeny bit different and may have gotten a little carried away, please enjoy loves

It would not uphold, the weather held a grudge against you as you trudged through the pouring rain, cursing you for thinking that you would be safe on your lonesome.

Instead of a monster, the world wished for you to drown in its falling rivers, making you shiver down to the bone. It was too cold, but you had to go there, it was a ritual.

Since the death of your boyfriend, Aaron, who was killed by Damon, someone you thought to be a friend, you felt broken.

You had tried everything to bring him back, but without the power of a witch, it was deemed impossible, and Bonnie refused to help you, claiming that it was necromancy, and far from her beliefs.

It angered you, how everybody would dismiss the lost lives that Damon took. He got a free pass, he didn’t even regret his own invalid actions.

He was a monster, and you hated him. If you couldn’t bring Aaron back, then you would instead kill his murderer. That would not only give you a sense of revenge, but also make the world a safer place. There would be one less vampire making people’s lives a misery.

“Hi there.” You stopped in your tracks, the voice sending shivers down your spine. Whilst it sounded like a man, in reality it could be anything.

The skin of a human was a disguise the majority of the time, a bloodsucker or a wolf coping inside the exterior, thirsting to break free from the walls of bones and flesh.

“Kai.” He was not exactly human, he was a witch, the one thing that you needed. You had met him through Elena, who was luckily also angered by Damon’s actions, Aaron had been her friend.

And just like that, he had died. But she hid her feelings well, pretending all was fine because she was in love with the gruelling monster that you wished to execute.

However, even though you wanted to bring back your lost beloved, the time that had passed made your mind being up the idea of moving on.

The first person that sprung into your imagination was Kai Parker, the new sociopath in town. He was new, unaware of the traumatising past experience that lingered in your heart, and not to mention, his specimen was one of beauty.

Those grey eyes, ever so curious could bore straight into your soul, and you’d gladly let him mangle it, you no longer had a use for it anyway.

“Why are you out here y/n/n?” He asked with a tilt of his head that had your heart beating profusely.

Everyone knew of his effect on you, but they told you to dismiss it. It was cruel, that they’d rather have you mourning the loss of your partner than to move on with another.

To you, it didn’t matter if he were supposed to be the enemy, you no longer wanted to fight their battles. All you desired was to be in love, with somebody that felt the same.

And whilst you doubted that Kai knew how to feel such a strong emotion, some attention wasn’t the worst thing in the world. As a matter of fact, it worked well as a distraction, it made you almost forget the grudge that you held against the eldest Salvatore.

Almost.

“It’s nothing.” You whisked the direction of the conversation away from your deceased boyfriend, not wanting to talk about him to anyone, let alone Malachai Parker.

Even thinking of Aaron caused a void to open in the middle of your chest, it was unbelievably painful. You thought some people, such as Bonnie would understand, rather than think the loss as a regular occurrence.

To put it simply, the entire ordeal was completely fucked up, and you felt much more guilty for biting your lip at the expression that Kai pulled; his eyebrows raised, and his fingers carefully running down the side of his own jaw.

Oh god, his fingers. There were so many things that you could imagine him doing with those, and from the way he waved them on a greeting, he knew that he teased the thought too.

“Basically...” he began, rolling his grey eyes with what he liked to call modesty, and you classified as boredom, “you’re stuck out in the rain, and if I’m not mistaken, you live halfway across town.”

“Stalker much?” You sneered, crossing your arms across your chest, which only made his gaze wander down, and hold their movements for a dragged out moment. “What are you looking at?” You exasperatedly sighed, only understanding when you followed his peering.

He was focused on your chest, that through your white shirt, appeared almost bare. The lace of your bra was giving him a clear frontal, and so you adjusted your arms, so that they covered more and whatever they had pushed up to peak his intrigue.

“Why am I not surprised?” Shaking your wet hair, which was pointless considering that it was still raining, you realised that you felt the creeping of the cold.

You had been oblivious to it, thinking that it was a side guest to your tears, almost a consequence. But you were no longer tearful, mostly angry at the killer that ruined your future and acted as though it were no big deal.

“I thought you were supposed to be at college.” Kai quirked his brow, proud of the fact that he knew that. However you shook your head, and watched as he removed his jacket, clasping it around your shoulders, shielding you somewhat from the weather.

It appeared as no big deal to him, but it was to you, sociopaths weren’t famous for being kind and charitable. They always had agendas, their agendas, well they were obviously sociopathic.

But from the glazing of the witch’s eyes, you only saw a lost man. He was misinterpreted by all that he knew, they treated him like an outsider, alienated him as though he were a monster, and validly that was why he was seen as one.

“No.” You whispered, confused as to why you were so complied to correct the man. “My boyfriend was killed, I don’t want to go back there, it’s clear why.”

You attempted to give him a small smile, but it came out as a pained grimace. Just the thought had your mood drained, even more so since there was no route to resurrect him.

“Oh yeah, I heard about that.” He didn’t shiver in the rain, instead he seemed comfortable simply standing there, conversing with you in the rainfall. “Damon did it, right?”

Licking your lips, you hesitantly nodded, ashamed of the fact that you had once called the vampire a friend. From the start, you were always wary of him, but eventually you managed to become close to him. And then he ruined your chance of happiness, literally sucking the life out of it.

“What a dick.” Kai was blunt with his annotation, but you couldn’t deny that he was right about them. “Sorry for your loss and all that blah blah. We should get somewhere warm though, you can tell me more.”

It was a strange feeling, you felt pulled to the male, it was as though he was one side of a magnet, and you were another. And so you accepted his invitation, and followed him, breathing in the scent of his black coat. It was much sweeter than you had expected.

🏹

His so called home was an apartment, that you no doubt expected he had convinced someone with his magic to give him rent free. Or he killed them, either or you guessed.

But the thought of death itself was one that you weren’t too keen on thinking about, not now. Instead, you’d rather enjoy the company of someone that didn’t shame you for hating and desiring to kill the one and only Damon Salvatore.

Most of your friends didn’t take you seriously, they just barked laughter, not believing, nor willing to think that you could ever commit such a sentence. But they didn’t share your pain, if they did, you were sure that they’d understand.

Matt got it, he resented the vampire and a lot of the other blood suckers too. And your certainly couldn’t blame him, he had lost his sister, and there was no reason behind her change. It had all just been a game, a gruesome one at that.

Kai lightly removed his jacket from your shoulders, hanging it on a hook to dry. He almost appeared embarrassed, having you in such a private space.

But you didn’t want him to endure such a mindset as that. Instead you smiled, brushing your damp hair out of your face, grasping his hands. They were cold, and that made you frown. No one ever cared what he had gone through, instead they just wanted to rid the world of him.

Even his family had dismissed him, all because he had been different, and treating him as such had definitely had a mind mingling affect on him. It repented an unstoppable rage inside of him, one that ended in dead children and imprisonment.

“Thankyou.” The small example of affection had Kai tilt his head awkwardly and pull his hands away from your own. He wasn’t used to people even being polite towards him, let alone openly sharing contact with him.

You should have been scared of him. Or at least somewhat repulsed, but you weren’t, and it was a first for him. Most around him taunted him with blame, or pointed out his obvious flaws.

And so he ducked his chin downwards into his chest, taking a couple of steps back, mumbling something about retrieving you a dry shirt.

As you waited for him, you peeled off the sheer layer, dropping the ball of wet material upon the ground. Your bra had soaked into your skin, but you left that on out of modesty.

When Kai returned, his mouth gaped open, eyes widening at the half undressed sight of you. But he tried to avert your gaze, blushing at your lack of attire.

“It’s okay.” You jested to him , reaching out for the clean shirt that he had brought for you. “You can look, it’s not like I’m naked.”

“Yet.” He smirked as he allowed his stare to freely roam. His voice had been small, but you had heard it as clear as day. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be thinking like that, you’re in mourning and I get that you wouldn’t want to, yknow.”

His hand gestured between the pair of you , prompting what he was talking about. But maybe he was wrong, after all, it had been a while since you had any physical intimacy, and you’d be a fool to deny that there was chemistry between you and a particular witch.

“Don’t be sorry.” You put the dry shirt aside, walking closer to the brunette. “I am in mourning, but I’m going to get my revenge, and a distraction sure wouldn’t hurt.”

“And here I thought that you were just a pretty face.” Kai’s hand drifted to the side of your face, pulling you closer so that your lips were almost brushing. His breath ghosted over your own intermingling the fumes of lust and intrigue. “But it seems that there is a darkness in that mind of yours, I’m impressed with your plans to say the least.”

“I haven’t even told you any of them yet.” Your hand drifted under the band of his jeans, plucking teasingly at the denim, licking your teeth as you made strong eye contact with him.

“Tell me after.” He ordered, grasping your hips, and clashing your bodies together. Your lips worked hungrily against each other, both pairs of your hands grabbing all that they could, you and him both desperate to hold onto anything.

Kai shoved you backward into a table, trapping you against it as his lips fell downwards, and began to suck at your neck.

But at that contact, you pushed Kai away, freezing for a moment. Damon’s teeth had been on Aaron’s neck, sinking in and draining all that be worth.

“See Elena thinks I’m a monster, and she’s right.” You were unable to move as Aaron stood against the vampire, you had been compelled, and you wanted nothing more than to scream out for Damon to stop, but there was no audio in your throat.

There was no scream as Damon bared his fangs , nor when he sunk them into your boyfriend’s neck, instead you were holding back your tears, as you had been commanded to.

He held him to his mouth for a moment before dropping his body lifeless upon the ground. And you couldn’t help but stare at the sight.

Enzo wore a content smirk, and it sickened you to your stomach. Damon turned, his thirsty eyes boring into your form, that wanted nothing more than to crumble into a million people.

“You may now speak.” His pupils found yours, engaging with your soul, that felt broken and completely shattered.

“Are you going to kill me too?” A part of you was hopeful that he would, but as he came closer, you recognised the mischief in his stance.

He had plans for you, none of which you suspected to like. “Do it, show Elena how much of a monster you really are!”

If he killed you, you’d have liked to think that Elena would be furious , but it was expected that eventually she would forgive him when he put his humanity back on.

“Or instead...” you feared his humoured expression, eyes flickering between his feet that were walking closer to you and your dead partner that lay lifelessly a couple of meters away. “I could show her how much of a monster you are.”

He bit into his wrist, bringing it towards your mouth, and as much as you felt the urge to squirm, you could do nothing more but stand there and abide his compulsion.

“Are you okay?” Kai asked, brushing his nose against your own, wanting to know if you wanted to continue. He knew that you were a victim of trauma, and he understood it’s affects.

In regards to his past, his coping method had been inflicting it in return. But you had done no foul against him, and so he would not torture you or force you into something that you had no intention of continuing.

“Yeah.” You breathed, blinking to push the memory away, temporarily at least. “Bedroom.” You ushered, squealing distractedly as he hoisted you into his arms, wrapping your legs perfectly around his waist.

He dropped you upon the mattress, hovering over you, removing his shirt after you began to tug on the dark and rain pelted material.

Leaning your elbows, you unclipped the back of your bra, discarding it somewhere far from your memory, and Kai sunk down, his lips latching onto your nipple, playing with the other in his rough hands.

“Your fucking gorgeous.” He hummed around your breast, his fingers drifting down your stomach to the band of your leggings.

His compliment made you smile, and as he ripped off your pants, he slipped a hand inside of your panties, rubbing your sensitive flesh. But you groaned, frowning at his tantalising actions.

“Just need you inside of me.” You told him, and he was more than happy to comply, so he worked on his belt, as you slipped off your own underwear, and removed the torn fabric from around your legs.

When you looked up, you noticed that he was completely bare, and already had himself in hand. There was precum balancing on his tip and at the sight you licked your lips.

“You ready?” He asked bringing his head down to your chin, placing a delicate kiss upon the bump, and teasing his other tip against your opening, swiping through your wetness and using it to lube himself up.

“God yes.” You sighed, your hands finding refuge upon the back of his shoulders, your nails sinking into his firm skin.

And so, with consent, he pushed in, groaning at the initial tightness. “And I thought that it was wet outside.” He laughed, causing you to snort, he was funnier than you had expected him to be.

It almost made you swoon, but no, you couldn’t be interested in Kai, could you? Everyone thought you had been, even Bonnie had stated that you often undressed him with your eyes in the worst of situations, but it had never been a big deal to you.

And then it hit you like a ton of bricks, with a snap of Kai’s hips. All along you had denied any interest of another man, all because of the one that you had lost. And everyone already knew that there were sparks between you and the witch, before either of you had caught on.

“Shit.” He huffed, reaching down and biting your lips, causing your eyes to flutter sensuously, and dark veins to appear underneath.

At the feeling, you tried to bury your face sidewards into the pillow so that he couldn’t see, but he held you still as he gave shallow thrusts inside of you.

“Don’t look away, I think you’re beautiful.” Him saying that alone had you almost in tears. Despite trying to bring Aaron back you feared what he would think of you when he returned, or well, if he could.

Would he think you a monster, that stood idly by when he was killed? Because if so, you’re heart would literally break, and you wouldn’t be able to bare living any longer.

Living, funny. You hardly described what you were doing as such anyways. But currently, you did truly feel alive again, perhaps that was just the affect of having a dick inside of you.

But as Kai reached down and fiddled with your clit, you knew that you were done for. Your head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open, showcasing your fangs, your orgasm hitting you like a train.

He continued his movements until he felt he was nearing his point, and then he finished too, having no worry in impregnating you as you were well, to put it lightly , dead.

Both of you panted as he pulled out and fell beside you. Your eyes stared at the ceiling, your concentration eventually broken when Kai spoke.

“Damon did it, didn’t he? He turned you.” Your face had returned to its previous disguise, you looked human once more. But it was no secret that you were now a savage, a monster like Damon.

“Yeah.” You bit your lip, trying not to cry at the thought. It was the last thing in the world that you ever wanted, but Damon knew that too. And so he had cursed you, for all of eternity.

“Then he deserves to die.” Kai stated, he was already against the Salvatores, but his hatred for them had just increased.

[seriouslysnape]

Hi i would like to request severus x reader where its their first time together and reader guides sev bc he‘s a virgin ?

Okay, so I’ve been putting this one off. It’s such a good idea, I wasn’t sure how to tackle it. However, I’ve been thinking on it for a few days, and I think I did this request justice!

__

A Fast Learner

Severus Snape x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Smut.

Word Count: 3,066

“Shh. It’s okay.”

__

He had become very self conscious about it over the years. Well, he was self conscious about a lot of things, but especially something like this. It was embarrassing that he had made it this far in life and had never been intimate with someone. He knew it was mainly his own fault. He had spent his life saving himself for someone who wasn’t even around anymore, and someone who never loved him the way he did her. 

Now, he was well into his adulthood years and he had yet to have sex with anyone. He had quite honestly accepted long ago that he’d never allow anyone to take his virginity. To most people, a person at his age with their so-called “v-card” still intact was odd and even a bit weird. Even if he did find someone he cared enough about, he would have NO idea what to do and it would be so off-putting that they’d likely run for the hills. Severus, as disappointed as he was, was convinced he’d live out the rest of his days as a virgin. 

That was until he fell in love with you.

He admittedly didn’t expect it. You seemed rather average to him in the beginning. He failed to see how you were any different than anybody else he had ever encountered. The more time he spent with you, though, the more he saw in you. You were probably one of the most patient and understanding people he had ever met. You were an efficient communicator and an even better listener. You were a picture perfect person. He eventually found himself in a relationship with you that exceeded having dinner and private talks in each other’s offices. 

For the first time in Severus Snape’s life, he had a steady girlfriend. 

As thrilling and exciting as that was, it also caused a whole new set of worries for him. Having a girlfriend meant that he was going to have to be fully intimate at some point. It wasn’t something he could keep putting off the way he had been. You had a gut feeling that Severus had never had sex before. At first, you brushed his hesitation off to just being nervous. However, you began to notice the way he visibly would shrink away any time your make out sessions began to heat up. If nothing else, it explained why your relationship seemed to move at an aggravatingly tortuous pace. 

He’d become fidgety when you tried to reach for his belt or when your giggles turned into breathy moans. He would simmer down the situation before it could ever evolve into more, which he hated to do. He knew you were dismayed whenever he did so. You were a beautiful, young woman who had needs. It wasn’t fair that you had to push your needs aside because of him. He definitely didn’t want you to begin to think that it had something to do with you. 

He had never told you upfront that he was a virgin, and he hoped that maybe he would never have to. Whenever he did build up the courage to make love, perhaps he could get away with not saying anything. That dream was rather short lived when you finally questioned him one night after he turned you away once more. 

You had been snuggled up next to him on the sofa in his living quarters, just chatting after a long day when your kisses became a little more heated and you ultimately ended up in his lap. Your knees were on either side of him so you were in a straddle position, kissing him with passion and desire. He kissed back as always, but you could feel the hint of uncertainty as his lips worked with yours. You kept in mind that this was usually the part where he’d stop you or get himself out of it. Still, you rolled your hips downwards into his crotch, your fingers finding his belt and beginning to unbuckle it. 

As expected, he stopped kissing you and gently gripped your wrist. That was his signal for you to stop, to which you would normally just smile reassuringly and move on. However, you pulled your hand from his grasp and rested both of them on his shoulders. 

You were intently looking at him, reading his guilt-stricken expression.

“Severus,” You began; “Is there something you want to tell me?”

He knew exactly what you meant. It was only a matter of time before you began to question him. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” He said, letting the lie slip through his teeth.

You never averted your eyes from him. He wasn’t leaving until you obtained some answers. You wrapped a lock of his charcoal colored hair around your finger and twirled it mildly. 

“Most men barely wait for their girlfriend to make a move on them. With you, it seems like you don’t want me like that.” You pointed out.

Severus was quick to answer, because this was exactly the thing he didn’t want you to think.

“No, no. I do. I really do.” He said truthfully.

Make no mistake, Severus did want to have that level of intimacy with you. He just couldn’t push himself to that point. He never wanted to disappoint you in any way, and he just knew his skills were probably little to none. You were confused at his response.

“Then why do you always push me away when I try?” You queried.

He sighed heavily. It was a fair question for you to ask. He would’ve probably asked the same if he were in your shoes. It was humiliating, but he knew he couldn’t hide it any longer. He took a breath and told you that he was a virgin. He half expected you to get up and walk out or go tell every living soul you knew. Instead, you smiled kindly and let out a soft laugh that wasn’t at all intended to be a mock towards his confession. He clenched his teeth as he awaited your reply. You moved your right hand to cup the side of his face.

“Oh, Severus...is that all?” You asked sweetly.

A feeling of surprise and relief fizzled through his body. He had been waiting for a much heavier, dramatic reaction. 

“Well, I...it’s not really something I thought I’d ever tell you.” He explained, avoiding your gaze.

“You didn’t think you could keep it from me forever, did you?” You wondered. He didn’t respond, so you went on; “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can help you.” 

He let out an irritated huff. You could tell he was beyond embarrassed.

“You shouldn’t have to.” He said.

You kissed his forehead, encouraging him to embrace the situation a little. 

“I want to. It’ll benefit more than just me. Your first time should be special. I want to make it special,” You acknowledged; “But only if you want to. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

He was at a crossroads here. He wanted to do this, but he was still nervous. There were a million ways he could go wrong and mess up, but he also never thought there’d be anyone willing to offer a hand to him as an adult virgin. He realized that he loved you too much to keep treating you this way...so he agreed. He couldn’t help but nervously chuckle at your blinding smile. You were eager to teach him. He’d be a master in no time. 

“I promise we’ll go slow.” You declared, whipping your shirt off of your head. 

Severus felt a surge of heat go through his body at your breasts that were now VERY prevalent to him. His eyes widened and his stare lingered on them like a kid in a candy store. He looked over the black, lacy material of your bra and how it perfectly accented them. His cheeks burned a fiery red that he tried to hide, but to no avail. You bit your bottom lip to hold back a smile.

“Blushing already, Professor?” You asked teasingly. 

If he was already this flustered, you couldn’t wait to see him when you got to the good stuff. His eyes snapped back to yours, he sheepishly apologized.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

You hushed him, putting a finger to his lips.

“Shh. It’s okay.” 

You took his hands, bringing them around to your back. You maneuvered his fingers to unclasp your bra, and you slowly pushed the straps down your arms until it fell to the floor. His cheeks turned a darker shade of red now that you were fully exposed to him. He didn’t even try to confine his stare now. You spoke softly. 

“You can touch them if you want.” You granted.

“Touch them?” He asked.

You giggled lightly.

“Yeah, S. With your hands...or your mouth.”

He decided to go with the first option, not confident enough in his skills yet. His hands were trembling a tad, as he brought them up to your chest. He was awkward at first, sort of just fondling with them in an amateurish way. Your nipples grew hard at the feeling of his large hands on your soft skin. He wasn’t sure what made him do it, but he leaned forward and took one of your nipples into his mouth. He sucked firmly and swirled his tongue over your breast. A satisfied gasp fell from your lips, startling him and causing him to stop.

“Are you alright? Did that hurt?” He asked frantically.

You let out another laugh.

“Sev, I was moaning.” You told him.

He shyly grinned.

“Oh.” 

He took your nipple into his mouth again, his confidence slowly but surely beginning to build. You brought a hand to the back of his head.

“Kiss my neck.” You instructed.

He nodded, moving his lips up to your neck and kissed where you guided his head to go. You grinded your hips down onto his lap, a groan falling from his throat. You could feel his growing erection through his pants. You smirked, knowing the real show was about to begin. 

“Let’s move to the bedroom.” You said, persuading him up from the sofa.

You took him by the hand, leading him to his large bed. You debated for a moment over what the best approach to this was. You thought for a minute that maybe it would be best if he stayed on the bed and you rode him, but you figured that he wouldn’t learn much out of that, however it would be pleasurable for him. You wanted his first time to be special, as you had previously mentioned. You decided to go traditional missionary, that way you could talk him through it. 

You laid on your back, laughing at the way Severus was ogling over you. You motioned for him with your finger, and he timidly climbed onto the bed. He instinctively placed one of his knees on either side of you, which was a good start. 

“Move down a little.” You requested. 

He shifted down a bit so you could unfasten his belt and his pants. He helped you get them off, throwing them aside. You did away with your skirt and panties, now fully naked in front of him. He was fully hard now, your hand palming at his evident erection. He let out a soft groan, feeling amazed at how he had never been touched by anyone else like this before. 

He sprang free once his boxers were thrown aside to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Your eyes gazed at his length, raking him over. You snapped out of your trance, taking him into your hand. You stroked slowly and softly, just enough so he could see how it felt.

You knew this was going to be a tedious process for the first time, you didn’t want to completely overwhelm him and ruin it for him. He let out a stuttered sigh at the feeling of his dick in your hand. He had of course rubbed himself like this before, but it was totally different when it was being done to him. His sounds were alone enough to make your sex become slick with wetness, but you reached for one of his free hands.

“Take these two fingers,” You said, pushing his side three fingers down, just leaving his middle and ring finger. You brought his fingers to your heated sex; “Now, just gently-”

You were stunned when he began rubbing in circles, slowly but firmly. You wriggled underneath him, not prepared for him to do it so well. You let out a groan at the waves of pleasure building through you, he kept his eyes on you with a rather concerned expression. He was still afraid of hurting you or messing up. 

You stopped stroking him, taking his wrist and directing his fingers towards your clit. He knew he had hit the spot when you breathed out his name in a way he had never heard you before.

“Severus...” You exhaled.

He felt a burst of pride. Maybe he really could get the hang of this. He could feel the wetness spreading around his fingers, which is when you knew to stop him and move on with your instructions. You were beginning to realize that Severus was a fast learner. He’d have this in no time. You were a little breathless now, which swelled him with even more confidence.

“Take one of my legs and wrap it around your waist.” You said.

He took your right thigh into his hand, securing and hooking your leg around him. He noted that was how he’d be sure that you wouldn’t get too far from him. He was beginning to put pieces together.

“Okay, when you’re ready just push yourself in. Go slow at first.” You said, lining him up with your entrance. 

His tip just barely was touching you, he looked to you, stricken with a bit of panic.

“[Y/N], I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, registering that this was the part he was most scared of.

You shook your head. Half in desperation for him and half to reassure him. You put his hands on your hips so he’d be steady once he did start to move. 

“You’re not going to hurt me, Sev. I promise,” You said truthfully; “Just go at your pace. I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

You knew it wouldn’t, but it made him feel better to hear you say it. He took a breath, and leisurely pushed himself in as far as he could. You both let out a synchronous moan. He didn’t move for a second, wrapping his head around how damn good this felt. You didn’t expect him to stretch and fill you the way he did, so you were a little scattered when you spoke next.

“S-Sev, pull out a little, and then go back in again.” You said.

He gingerly pulled out, and went back in. He watched each time he moved in and out. He saw the way your eyelashes fluttered each time he went back in, and how your grip on his bicep tightened. You weren’t used to such a slow speed, but you didn’t want him to go fast if he didn’t feel like he could yet. However, you did try to convince him to pick it up a little.

“A little faster. If you want.” You said, really hoping he’d get the hint. 

He did get it, and began to rock his hips faster, filling in the pauses that he had been taking between tortuous thrusts. He had figured out a rhythm now, his movements becoming monotonous, but gloriously good. He watched as your breasts bounced each time he pounded back into you, and how your mouth fell open with noises that were music to his ears. 

You knew Severus was getting the hang of it, so you gave him another request.

“Take my leg and put it on your shoulder.” 

He gave you a puzzled look, thinking that there was no way that would actually do anything. Still, he draped your leg over his shoulder and he thought he might just collapse. He was slamming into you at a new angle that was a total game changer, and created a whole new feeling of pleasure. 

He knew sex was supposed to feel good, but he never thought it would feel THIS good. It was a bit of an accident, but he rotated his hips and you let out a high-pitched shriek that even he couldn’t mistake as a bad sound. You smirked at how he was now hitting your sensitive spot each time he went back in.

“Severus, you feel so good. Holy- yes, that’s perfect.” You cried out.

He didn’t dare speed up or slow down, if he had it right, he wasn’t going to mess with it. He continued to pound into you, alerted when he felt himself twitch inside of you. He assumed that meant that something was happening. Your own inner coil was growing hot, which was a delight to you, because you honestly weren’t sure at first if you would even finish since it was his first time. You arched your back to meet his thrusts, both of your releases coming quickly.

“Darling, I think I’m about to-” He was cut off by another one of your moans.

He felt the muscles in your leg contract, as you came around him. He thrusted a few more times before he did as well. A flash flood crashed over every nerve in his body. Your arms rested above your head as your chest heaved with each inhale. He slid out of you, falling next to you on the mattress. His head was spinning.

He had just lost his virginity. Something he had kept so private and locked away. He thought that maybe he’d be a little sad, but he wasn’t. He was beyond joyed to have lost it to someone he cared about so much. He leaned over, kissing your neck and nibbling on your earlobe.

“How...how was that?” He asked, a little apprehensive to hear your answer.

You looked over at him, a flashy smile and a voice full of honesty.

“Severus Snape,” You said; “You are one fast learner.”

[krispdreemurr]

This might be a very personal question but do you have any headcanons or theories on how Kris feels about Asgore? I’ve seen someone describe Asriel as Very Angry at him but i havent seen people come up with how Kris might feel about it. If its resentment or anger. Because the trash bin in their house has a floral scent so you could assume that Kris has brought flowers there a lot and visits Asgore a lot. The thing is we also know that canonically the SOUL has been with them for a long time so its possible the SOUL just forces them to this almost everyday...?? What do you think?

hoo boy. this is a thing i've been avoiding a bit because it makes me uncomfortable and sad but. yeah. i have thoughts abt kris and asgore

in short - i think kris knows that whatever the fuck is going on w asgore isn't something they can fix, but they haven't yet realized it's not their responsibility to fix it, and the contradiction makes them feel guilty and avoid spending a lot of time around asgore

to be blunt, i really, really think asgore sucks as a dad. maybe not in every respect, but... he's Really putting the burdens of his mental health and his relationship woes on kris' shoulders. asking them to bring toriel flowers without telling her who they're from is like... such an absolutely fucking terrible move that, intentionally or not, sets up an us-versus-her thing where asgore is the poor sad dad who just wants to make toriel smile while toriel is like the Cruel and Cold one throwing away innocent gifts. when you're a teen you can't think clearly abt your parents being separated, not if it's recent, and asgore's pity party bullshit is like... not. helping kris think about it rationally

so kris is stuck in this position where their dad is really, really obviously unwell and really, really obviously wants their help in making the dreemurrs a proper family again, but they don't have anything they can do but bring flowers and try to start conversations that toriel shuts down, and so they end up feeling like they're Failing asgore. like if they just tried harder or were a better confidant or whatever he'd get better and toriel would welcome him back and it would all be okay. that's the narrative asgore's spinning - that there's some magical route back to a reconciliation, and that kris bringing toriel flowers somehow ties into that...

so. the end result is that like. kris feels guilty and ashamed and exhausted facing asgore. they wear themselves out in bursts trying to be there for him in a way no kid should be there for a parent, then draw away and hide when it gets unbearable. a-few-times-a-week visits are the most they can manage without just absolutely shutting down and retreating

and to be clear here: i don't think asgore is malicious. i don't think toriel is handling this perfectly, and i think she should have a frank talk with kris about how the relationship isn't their responsibility. i just think asgore is Fucking Up Really Badly

[mieohmy]

𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝖨 𝖲𝖺𝗐 𝖸𝗈𝗎 | 𝖧𝗎𝖺𝗇𝗀 𝖱𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗎𝗇

PAIRING: huang renjun x temp blind! reader

GENRE: angst (with a happy ending), fluff, humor, strangers-to-lovers, shared dreams! au, soulmate! au, college au

WC: 7.6k

NOTES: reader is temporarily blind, cursing, mentions of a car accident, trauma, slight anxiety and depression, mentions of injuries/hospitals

SUMMARY: dreams are your place where you feel alive -feel like yourself. the only place you can still see. which means you don’t want to share them. not with this random guy who keeps appearing in them, and especially not since he seems so real -almost like he actually exists in the real world outside of your dreams, but that couldn’t be possible... right?

oof this is late- anyways, it’s this beautiful soul’s birthday today <3 

hbd to our fairy renjunnie ! 

Three months. Three months stuck in that space.  

And all because of a reckless driver. Like they all say, it happened so fast. A single glance of the road. It seemed clear, the pedestrian sign flashing even. 

Then was the rush of a car engine coming closer. 

You suppose it was also your fault. Whoever it was that caused a notification to ping on your phone. It was an almost natural instinct to take it out and check.

But you were never able to find out. 

One of the scariest things in the world is to wake up and wonder why the world is an empty canvas. 

Why you have so many questions that can’t be answered.  

Why you can’t see the spring anymore.

The doctors said it was temporary. Some kind of head trauma from the accident caused whatever nerves to swell in your eyes. 

And that’s why you could no longer see the day. or night. anything. 

“It’ll eventually return to normal, and you’ll be able to see again. Just give it time.”

So why has it been three months and nothing except dark moving shadows and pain?

“I’m sorry, we’re not sure how long it’s gonna last. Let’s just wait and see.”

But how much time did you have to give? 

You were sent home in the end. The other injuries were much more minor, and you were just prolonging your stay. 

Only because you wanted to know. You wanted to know it would all go away. That it would be okay.

You just so desperately wanted to see once more.

They only gave you ambiguous answers. Answers that only made the scratchy and uncomfortable sensation inside you grow bigger. 

And here you were now. Four months after the incident and barely living on your own. Sight not improving in the slightest bit.

You lived separately from your parents, far away because of college. They helped you with all the hospital and stupid complicated health stuff, but there wasn’t much else they could do. There was no choice for them but to work hard and earn money instead of assisting you since bills were shit expensive.

You assured them it was fine, you would learn how to deal with everything. 

Friends were a different issue. The thing was, you didn’t have very many considering you just moved to a new school, but the few you did were kind and understanding. 

Except you never told them about the incident. Maybe because you were in denial. Maybe cause you were ashamed of yourself for ignoring them and cutting them out of your life. Because they got to see and experience everything they wanted while you were stuck behind.

And then you were truly alone. Alone with the faint light and shadows you were still sort of able to see. 

Siri basically became your best friend. You never realized how helpful it could be. Just ask, and it would tell you everything you needed to know.

To be honest, there wasn’t much to do. You weren’t able to attend your classes for the time being, and there wasn’t much you could to do without seeing. 

It was hard to adjust to life without your sight. There were a lot of things you couldn’t do without your sight. A lot of things were knocked over. A lot of bruises on your body from bumping into obstacles. That’s probably why you barely went out, only ever leaving your place for necessary resources to live.

This is not permanent. It’ll all go away soon.

You constantly told yourself that, repeating it in the morning. At night before you went to bed. But deep inside, you knew the real reason for everything. The denial, stubbornness.

The answer was clear. 

Fear. 

The fear of a permanent life without being able to fully experience the world. 

The fear of what your life would become without having the chance to achieve all your dreams and goals. 

You knew you should be grateful. For being able to see from birth until now.  You survived your accident with mostly minor injuries. Occasionally, you would get intense migraines- one where you could barely move- but you truly didn’t want to go back to that place to get it checked. You didn’t even want to leave your home.

At least you could still move and function properly for the most part. 

But it didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt. 

There was one thing. When your eyes closed for the day- when everything was okay. 

Because there was no need to feel any emotions asleep. 

But also because of the dreams. Mainly because of the dreams.

It wasn’t every day. You would absolutely love to dream every night, but if you did, then something must not be right. 

The power to dream and be able to recall everything in the world before you lost it all would be your one wish if anyone asked. 

Sure, you could just close your eyes and remember whatever you wanted, but it wasn’t the same. 

Dreams were like a story. A story you wanted to read. And you could only do it because of your memories. 

Thank the universe for memories. Ones that allowed you to still remember and see again in dreams. 

They were the one thing connecting you to the real world. 

The weird thing is, sometimes you would dream and be able to choose what you wanted to say and do. It was just like playing a fun game where you could do whatever you wished.

But it didn’t always happen. it only occurred on occasion. Why? You had no clue. 

But even so, you’ve never had a stranger appear in one of your dreams before.

ꔫ

You couldn’t recall everything that happened in last night’s dream, but when you woke up, a strange face was the only image stuck in your brain. 

You’re sure you’ve never seen him before. 

Can brains make up random faces? Or maybe you just made up a fictional character because of loneliness? 

Either way, he’s the only thing you can clearly remember.

Your eyes flick open, and it’s the same nothingness.

But his face lingers. Pretty and delicate eyes. Brown hair that flutters in the wind and a gentle smile that sucks you in. 

Who are you? 

Whoever this person was, you hope to dream about him again. 

ꔫ

And he does show up a few weeks later. Or has it been a month? You were really losing track of the days, especially now more than ever.

This time, the image of him is stronger in your head, burning into your skull. 

And you curse yourself for not remembering any more than his face. 

You rack your brain, trying your best to just think. 

Why do some people forget their dreams immediately when they wake up? When it feels like you’re just in one, but your mind starts up again for the day, and the dream vanishes just like that?  

You so desperately want to know. 

You can faintly remember images of a grassy meadow? Flowers? You don't recall any field that you’ve been to, but maybe it’s just somewhere you’ve forgotten about... Perhaps your mind just made your dream to be located there. 

As you get up for the day, you still wish to dream about him. A dream where you can fully control yourself and find this imaginary character you created in your head. Whoever he is.

ꔫ

And the world grants you that one wish. 

It’s been a while since you last dreamed. But of course, you never forgot him. 

The setting sun is the first thing that catches your attention. 

Immediately, you smile, standing up and brushing yourself off. 

The place is faintly familiar, a beach. You know which one. The one your parents used to take you when you were little. 

It looks exactly the same as you remember, but this was the first time you’ve ever dreamed about this specific place before. 

Then sounds of footsteps approaching make you look up.

It’s him.

The fictional character somehow procured from basically nowhere. 

What’s strange is that you didn’t even notice how the two of you were now sitting by the shore, watching the waves flow in and out. 

What’s even stranger is that you don’t question it, and neither does he. 

But you do take the chance to look at him, admiring his face.

“What’s your name?”

He looks startled like he never expected you to speak.

“Oh. Uh, R-Renjun.”

“Renjun,” you pronounce. The name feels unfamiliar on your tongue. 

Now how did your mind come up with a unique name like that?

You shrug, letting the dream continue on its own. 

But wait, you realize, if you were able to ask and think your own thoughts not according to the dream’s... that means you can control this-

Your eyes snap open. You can see nothing. And feel an oncoming headache.

Damn it.

ꔫ

You want to know why you’re so curious about this ‘character’. Why you want to see him over and over again without ever getting bored.

It’s just a dream. Or, several dreams that he’s appeared in by now. 

That could be it, you suppose.

You usually didn’t have about the same person, or in your case, the same ‘character’ appear in your dream three times in a row. 

But for some reason, you appreciated having your own imaginary friend in your dreams. 

 He wasn’t a real person. He wasn’t someone you had to watch out for. You could act however you wanted to him and he probably wouldn’t care. 

Wait-no, you correct yourself. He has a name. A name that seems so far but so close at the same time. 

Renjun. 

You go to sleep chanting his name in your head over and over again. 

ꔫ

“Wait... Renjun!” 

A satisfied grin appears on your face from having remembered his name. 

You stroll along the forest path, an unfamiliar one that you don’t particularly remember ever going to, but you shrug it off and continue towards him.

It’s been a while since you’ve last seen him, not having dreamed for a while. 

His eyes widen, taking you in. “Whoa. You’re here again?” 

You frown. “Um... yes? It’s nice to see you.”

Renjun nods hesitantly. “You too, uh....”

“Y/n!” you beam. You’re not sure why you’re so happy to see him, but any company is still company, so no complaining.

Since you figured you were able to control yourself in this dream, might as well take the opportunity. 

If your brain was able to give him a name and a *cough* pretty *cough* face, he must have a personality. And what better than to get to know ‘renjun’ while you still had dreams about him?

“Do you want to walk together?”

He shrugs. 

And since it’s your dream, right? you start on the path, knowing he’s gonna follow you anyways.

You reach an opening overlooking some city. It’s unfamiliar, but the sight is too pretty you don’t think much of it.

You can’t take your eyes away, the view one you’ve never seen before. One that wasn’t from your memories, and it almost blinds you. Especially since you haven’t been able to experience anything new in a while because of... everything at the moment. 

“It’s beautiful,” you breathe.

“It is,” Renjun agrees. 

Why is it so natural for you to sit next to him, get along with him?

“I haven’t been able to go out like this for a while, so it’s a lot to take in at once.”

He glances at you.

“Really? Why?”

Suddenly the air feels tightening. 

“Um. Health stuff. I guess.”

Renjun nods. “That’s understandable. But going out might be good for you. It’s nice to get a little fresh air every once in a while.”

His words hit differently. It rings inside of you, making you sit up. 

“You’re right, Renjun. I should go out more.” Your voice is quiet but smooth. 

Suddenly, he laughs. It’s a beautiful sound flowing out in a beautiful place. 

“I say that, but honestly, I’m also holed up inside all day. I need to go out more too.”

You don’t get what he means by that- why does it matter to a non-existent person how often they go outside?- but the feeling of just being here is incredible. You can’t waste your time in this dream pondering on pointless thoughts. 

“You should take advantage of it. You never know what could happen one day. Never take things for granted.” You finish, voice suddenly serious.

He looks surprised. “Oh. I suppose you’re right. Thanks, y/n.” 

Instead of responding, you sit back on the ground, looking at the dream -but still beautiful- sky.

Your hand pats around for a second before landing on its target. Your fingers wrap around renjun's, pulling him back so he plops down next to you with a grunt. 

“Geez, could’ve given a warning.”

“There’s no need for warnings here,” you sigh. 

Sure, the clouds aren’t real, but you’ll take any chance to see something you can’t in reality anymore. 

“Y/n,” he starts.

And when you turn to look at him, his face is a lot closer than you thought.

There’s a pause. 

The last things you remember are his long fluttering eyelashes and alluring brown eyes- ones that look so realistic and strangely familiar? 

That morning, you wake up with the scent of the woods still lingering in the air and a little more ease in your heart.

ꔫ

Over the next couple of months, Renjun keeps appearing. And you’re completely fine, even delighted with that. 

Now you’re always excited to go to bed, hoping each night that you’ll dream about him. 

Even as the days get hotter and your a/c is definitely getting overused, you find yourself thinking about him and imagining if he was next to you. 

You had to keep reminding yourself that Renjun wasn’t real. No matter how much you wished he was. 

But you still considered Renjun your friend. Technically, your only friend.

And each time you met in your dreams, you felt happier and more content. You felt alive next to him, your heart that always beat faster around him only confirming it. 

Sometimes you’d spot Renjun in a place from your memories, and sometimes he would appear in a completely unfamiliar area to you. 

You didn’t care enough to think twice. A new place with new sights was a highlight to your encounters. 

And today, it was no different. A colorful park. You know you’ve never been here before, but it feels like you’ve seen it somewhere..... perhaps somewhere online? 

Ever since the second time you met him, you noticed a theme with the unknown places you sometimes ended up in. 

Mostly in nature, surrounded by fresh air and plentiful green. You were confused, but I mean, who cares? They were beautiful, peaceful. Places that made you forget everything. 

You find Renjun sitting down at a nearby bench, messing with his hands.

“Hi.”

He looks up, attempting to smile, but it falls short. “Hello, y/n.”

That’s interesting. Renjun always seemed happy to see you. At this point, you can tell when he’s acting strange or not.

You decide to play along. “What’s up?”

“Oh. It’s nothing. Just really stressed about upcoming school stuff.” You cock an eyebrow, amused. This isn’t the first time you’ve felt weird when he says something like that.

“You know, for being an imaginary character, you sure act like a real person.”

“What did you just say?” Renjun stands up.

You follow, getting up and looking at him, confused. “What?”

“What the hell do you mean by imaginary?”

“Imaginary? You don’t exist -like you’re not real?”

“No way.”

Your eyebrows raise. Why was he getting so defensive over this?

“I’m not an imaginary character- you are.”

A scoff escapes your lips. What the fuck?

“Stop talking nonsense.” Even though you’re trying to stand your ground, you can’t help but reevaluate everything. You look at him, panicked but still staring straight into his eyes as if to say, stop the joking right now.

Renjun only stares at you, fighting back with a headstrong expression. “I’m not. So you should stop too.”

You place your hand on his arm, inhaling.

Renjun tries to pull away, bewildered, but you keep your grip.

His arm feels warm, veins partially showing through. Almost like a real.....no way. But there’s even a faint scar on his wrist. Your brain couldn’t possibly be so meticulous as to add such details to a fictional person.

Your eyes flick to Renjun, studying him, memorizing everything you can about him.

Your breathing is heavy as you step closer to him, almost in a daze. “If you’re not just an imaginary person I created in my dreams,” you whisper, watching as he swallows and his adam’s apple bobs up and down-

“Then who are you?”

But before he can say anything, the world fades to black. 

You wake up with an immense urge to scream in frustration but also hide away to just think everything over.

You lay in bed for what feels like hours. Contemplating. Panicking. 

This was a joke, wasn’t it? 

He’s lying. 

Just a dream? 

But this time, you can’t say that it was “just a dream..”

Your hand punches the bed in defeat.  

You don’t understand. How are you able to see another living and breathing human in your dreams? 

All the things and places you were able to dream about were because of your memories. But Renjun... Renjun was a complete stranger. 

So how are you able to see him perfectly fine?

You think back to all the previous times you met him. 

If he truly was real, then he must’ve been dreaming too? Since he believed you weren’t real either? 

And all the unrecognizable places you saw -they must exist in real life? 

That means.... you and Renjun must be sharing dreams.

There were a lot of questions. All that were making your brain pound. 

More importantly, how the fuck are you even able to share dreams with another person? 

ꔫ

You spend every night praying that you’ll fall asleep and see Renjun again. 

Renjun? Is that even his real name?

Oh my god, you don’t know anything about him. 

But for some reason, it isn’t hard for you to wrap your head around the fact that he exists. 

His reaction seemed so real -he couldn’t possibly be faking right? 

You smack your head on the pillow. Many times. Repeating, “Go to sleep. Dream. Go to sleep,” over and over again. 

Until eventually, you do. 

And when you find yourself at your old middle school- gross- you immediately start. 

Getting up, you navigate throughout the old place. Everywhere’s blurry and hazy though, you suppose it’s because you haven’t been here in a while and forgot.  

Where is he? You know he has to be here somewhere. 

You spot his familiar silhouette. Target acquired. 

He must’ve felt your presence too, since he turns around to face you. 

You’re about to say his name, but then you remember the whole ‘he’s actually a real person thing’ and then you can only splutter out an accusing “you!” with an accompanying point of a finger. 

“Me?” His eyes widen. “No-you’re not supposed to be a real person. So who are you?”

“I’m y/n.” You repeat yourself again with more force. 

“This is my dream, and you’re in it. Look,” you gesture around. “This is my old school. If I wasn’t real, could we be here at a place like this?”

Renjun falters, and you exhale. “I’m not joking. I swear. My name is y/l/n y/n.”

He holds his hands out. “B-but how? How can you-?”

You shake your head wearily. “I don’t know. I don’t even know you!” 

He sighs in defeat. “My name is Renjun. Huang Renjun. And I promise I’m not joking either. I truly thought you were just a figment of my imagination.” 

You nod, fidgeting before holding out a hand. “Well then, I believe you. Nice to meet you,” you look into his glittering eyes, “Huang Renjun.” 

When his hand touches yours, you feel a rush of emotions. 

You think he does too, judging by his tightening grip on yours. 

He quickly takes his hand away, making you frown. “And just to prove it, you know the forest we were at once?”

You nod, recalling the pretty leaves. You haven’t seen leaves in a while.....

“It’s near my city in the real world. And that mountain too.”

Then it hits you. You glance up at Renjun, surprised. 

“No way. I know where you’re talking about. You live like, a couple of hours away from me.” 

“Wait, really? Where do you-“

You sit up, feeling the familiar sensation of a blanket around your legs. 

And then let out a loud screech of frustration - while also internally apologizing to your neighbors.

ꔫ

When you meet Renjun in the next dream, you pick off where you left off, and move into telling each other about your actual lives.

“You study plants? That explains why we’re always near grass in your dreams.”

“Hey!”

“I’m joking. It’s really nice. I like it more than you may think..”

“Seriously,” you look up from your position on his lap, “savor it while you can.”

He nods dutifully. To others, it may seem annoying or strange that you’re constantly telling him to enjoy when he still has the time, but Renjun appreciates it. 

It’s always a nice reminder.

He assumes something must’ve happened to you before, but nevertheless, he doesn’t pry. 

“What about you? What are you studying?”

Suddenly, you can’t look at him. You're unable to tell him that you don’t even attend school anymore. 

“Um, I’m still deciding... it’s hard, you know?”

“I get it. Comfortably take your time. You don’t have to rush, do what you want.”

Your heart warms. 

“Can you cook?”

“Eh.”

“What about roller skating?”

“I’m a pro.”

“Bet I could beat you.” 

“Oh yeah? Just wait, one day we’ll go together in person, and I’ll kill you at it.” 

“What about aliens?”

Your eyebrows raise. “What about aliens?”

“What- what do you think of them?”

“Oh. Aliens are cool.” 

“Do you think they’re real?

“Sure. I mean, if we’re able to share dreams like this, then why can’t aliens exist too?”

You miss the growing smile on renjun’s face. 

“.... is this what you really look like in real life?”

“What- yes! Why would I look like someone else in my dream?”

“I dunno, you’re a lot more handsome than most guys I can remember..” you trail off, hoping he doesn’t catch the rest of the sentence. He does. 

That goes on for a while, asking each other random questions. But while you’re still here in the dream, you should take advantage of it. 

Standing up, you brush yourself off. 

“Huh, what’s up y/n?”

“The sky.”

Renjun scowls. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you.”

And then you sprint off, yelling, “first one to the tree gets bragging rights!!”

Renjun falls halfway, and you have to help him and his dramatic ass. 

ꔫ

When Renjun brings up the prospect of possibly meeting each other in real life, you’re both really excited at first. 

But then it hits you. That’s right. You’re kinda blind at the moment. 

You never once told him about your... sight problems, probably because you first thought he wasn’t even a real person, and it never seemed important. 

As Renjun sits there, excitedly listing off ways to find each other that actually while you’re awake, you can only absentmindedly nod, a storm brewing inside you. 

It makes your insides churn. Should you tell him? 

You hated lying, but there was that growing insecurity rising up. 

What if he finds out everything and doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore?

What if Renjun doesn’t want to be your friend? 

What if... 

He leaves you?

“Y/n???” He waves a hand in front of you. 

You blink. “Yes?”

“I was just talking about how it’ll take around 3 hours to take the subway to your city or, yours to mine. When we both have a free day, we should meet up!”

He looks so excited and cute, but you still cringe. When was the last time you took the subway? 

You nod uneasily. Renjun must notice your expression because he turns concerned, “Are you alright?”

You hastily smile. “Fine. Just really stressed about upcoming school stuff,” you joke. 

That answer must be good enough because he drops the subject. 

What have you gotten yourself into?

ꔫ

And for the first time, you’re scared to dream. 

Scared to see Renjun. 

Stress and anxiety gnaw at your head, swirling thoughts constantly floating in and out. 

Renjun won’t like you anymore. 

He doesn’t want to be with a liar.

And after he excitedly mentions that he obtained an internship near your city in the spring, your guilt and frustration grow more.

Since that one conversation, you’ve been having more and more headaches, most likely because of the lack of sleep from stress.

Renjun’s probably sleeping peacefully hours away from you as you stay up, plagued with concerns.

You shake your head, wanting to get rid of bad thoughts so the pain doesn’t overtake your brain again. 

Think of happy things. Happy memories when you were young and carefree. 

Like.... the one water park you went to with your friends years ago. That was a good memory.

You rack your brain.

Wait a second -what did it look like again?

ꔫ

As the air turns colder, you have to bust out the old heater that hasn’t been used in years-the dust floating in the air lingered for days. 

Overtaking your breathing, your brain. 

Just like your thoughts. 

You’re still constantly worrying about Renjun.  Because of Renjun.

And yourself. 

You and Renjun. 

Renjun and you. 

All those thoughts weren’t good for you. Why you may ask?

More thoughts lead to overthinking. 

Overthinking leads to stress. 

Stress causes the agonizing headaches. 

And those headaches are the bane of your existence.

Because it makes you unable to recall. 

The headaches weren’t a big deal at first. After the car accident, the doctors said your brain seemed clear for the most part. 

But obviously- it wasn’t- since you were here now with daily migraines- the pain multiplied from anxiety. 

And that caused your memory loss.

It was simple things at first, just like what you ate for the day and where you put your stuff. (It was already difficult since you couldn’t see, and the forgetful memory was making it so much worse) 

And then it was the more important recollections. 

Like what your parents' birthdays were. Your favorite restaurant. What schools you attended.

You don’t want to admit that the only thing left perfectly clear in your brain is yours truly, Huang Renjun. 

This isn’t happening. 

Pigs can’t fly and.... you can’t remember. 

Why? Every time you try to think of something, your brain pounds like crazy.

You really don’t want to believe it’s an effect of the accident. And the stress. 

You don’t want to think about it at all. 

But sadly, you were still human and had to sleep. 

Which meant eventually dreaming sooner or later...

“Y/n!” 

Wait. What?

“What’s going on?”

No. What’s happening?

“I know people don’t dream that often, but three months and nothing from you? I went to bed, happy at the thought that we might meet again, but it’s like you’re purposely not sleeping and avoiding me or something-!” 

There’s no way you heard everything he just said, even his irritated tone that you’ve never heard before didn’t faze you. 

Due to the fact that everything except Renjun himself was a blur.

Basically- you couldn’t see shit. 

Your heart rate begins to pick up. You swirl around, squinting and rubbing your eyes like crazy. 

Why? Why is this happening? Why can’t you see the dream world around you?

But you know the reason- it’s quite obvious. 

Since your memory disappeared just like that. And without your memories, everything has crumbled to nothing. 

Ironically, you forgot about Renjun who was still standing there, perfectly fine.  

“Y/n? What wrong?”

He snaps a finger in front of you, and you barely react.

“No, nothing’s wrong.” Your voice has been reduced to a whisper.

“Listen-I-why are you lying? I thought we were friends. I thought we trusted each other enough to talk honestly.”

It’s too much. Renjun’s growing anger plus everything you’re experiencing at the moment is overwhelming. 

“Just stop-!” You screech, arms held out in front to protect yourself from everything. 

He freezes. 

And you collapse on the ground, hands shaking as you look around. Look for anything you can clearly see. 

There’s nothing.

The worst pain ever runs through your brain- the feeling to curl up in a ball and stop everything is strong. 

“Y/n- please. Please talk to me.”

He leans in front of you. 

“I- see-“ you splutter, collecting your thoughts.

Your mouth forms the words but immediately comes to a halt.

He doesn’t know. 

You stare at him, helpless. Your eyes flicking all over the place, pupils dilated. 

Renjun does the only thing he can think of at the moment. 

He places his lips on yours, and your eyes automatically close. 

Your heart steadies, adrenaline slowly fading. 

He just feels... right. 

And then his hand brings your body closer to his, making- 

You sit up in bed, breathing heavily. 

All you can think is, 

what a dream. 

And as much as you still feel the ghost of his soft lips on yours, you can’t get over the fact that everything else was blurry. 

You could only see faint lights and shadows. 

You couldn’t remember. 

ꔫ

No. 

What does the sky look like again? 

No.

Why can’t you remember the day anymore?

You spend days- weeks maybe even- trying to recall as much as possible. And spend less time attempting to sleep for the chance that you’ll have to see Renjun again. 

Your mind is in shambles. One part of you is yearning to see him -find Renjun in the dreams again and explain everything. 

But the other part is scared. Extremely terrified at his reaction. His feelings. 

Will he still- you dare to say- like you? 

I mean, that kiss had to mean something, right? 

Right?

You smack the nearest object in exasperation.

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. 

Can everything just stop? 

Your poor pillow has been punched into oblivion by now.��

Either way, you fall into what could be considered a slump. 

A slump in life. 

The uncomfortable sensation grows bigger and bigger each day since the only thing you can do is stay at home and dwell on the fact that your life is basically over now.

There's no recovery in sight -ha- of your future. 

Each night is spent exerting your aching brain to recall. 

The only thing that comes back is Huang Renjun.

But once again, you’re only human. A human that occasionally passes out from the lack of sleep.

Renjun would be nagging at you. Your heart automatically drops at the thought of him. How long has it been since you last seen him?

More importantly- how long has it been since you last properly slept? 

You can’t even see yourself but you know the eye bags you’re carrying are bigger and brighter than your future. 

You call out for Siri. 

“It’s currently 3:21 AM.“ 

You sigh, so desperately wanting to chuck your phone across the room even though you know finding where you threw it would take hours. 

Pathetic. 

And then you figured you must’ve fallen asleep. 

Because you open your eyes. And at first, it just seems like another day of barely making it through life, but no- this is different. 

You’re not in your bed. You’re on a blank, hard surface.  

You realize where you are right as a familiar voice calls out your name. 

The fear that courses through you is a feeling to laugh at.

“What the fuck, y/n.”

There’s no way you’re getting out of this. 

“What’s going on? I just wanna know why. You ghost me for months without saying anything. I deserve an explanation.” Renjun’s fists are clenched at his side, anger barely seeping through. 

You sigh wearily, partly from him and partly from the fact that you still can’t see anything else except his face. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been going through stuff, okay?” You hope your tone is enough to tell him that you don’t want to talk about this anymore.

But it isn’t. 

“What things? You can tell me, y/n. I thought we were close enough for that. I thought we trusted each other.”

As much as your heart clenches at his words, it isn’t enough to suppress the frustration building inside you. 

“This isn’t about trust, Renjun. It doesn’t matter if I trust you or not. What does it have to do with me telling you about my life? It’s my privacy.”

His eyes burn into yours. 

“So you don’t trust me?”

“What- of course, I do! Why are you so stuck up on that?”

“Cause I care about you,” he groans, running his hands through his hair. “I care about you- a lot- but clearly, you don’t seem to return the feelings!” 

“What? What makes you think that!?” 

“Because you act like this!” He forcefully gestures. “Because you push me away without any explanation and don’t show any sign of your feelings! Don’t seem affected like I am when I haven’t seen you in months and miss you, okay?”

You pinch your nose bridge, annoyed. “Well, I’m different. If you cared about me that much, wouldn’t you have noticed?”

You know your words mean nothing. They’re just randomly produced from the deepest, darkest insecurities that are pent up inside and need to escape. 

“What’s so different about you? As far as I’ve known and seen you, you’re just another human like me-“

“-Because I can’t see fucking anything, okay?” You yell, forcing yourself to take a breath. 

“I’ve been blind for what seems like forever, and at first it was all okay, but now I can’t remember anything except you, which means I can’t see shit. Is that a good enough answer for you?”

You feel your body trembling, barely able to look at him. 

A good silence lasts for a couple of minutes. 

You turn around, anywhere away so you don’t have to look at his face anymore- since he’s stupidly the only thing you can even see. 

You don’t know what to feel. Perhaps relief for finally saying it? Exhaustion from keeping everything pent up and finally letting it all out? 

Then you recognize the sensation. 

You’re waking up. 

You think Renjun calls your name at the exact moment. But it’s too late. You’re already gone at that point. 

And now you don’t know what to do. 

ꔫ

After that, you get the best sleep in your life.  There’s surprisingly no more stress about lying to Renjun, you already spilled everything. 

On the other hand, there is his whole response. But you bury those worries deep inside. 

Maybe it’s for the better, you think. After the fight, you couldn’t the guilt go. The angered lies that slipped from your lips won’t leave. 

Renjun doesn’t deserve someone like you. 

But for once, you decide to go out. To get some needed fresh air like someone once advised you to, and also because you’re running out of food to eat. 

Before you leave, you grab the sunglasses on the counter and put them on. Most people would just think you’re avoiding the spring sun, which is exactly what you wanted.

You didn’t want them to see your blank stare and then realize that you had lost your sight. It was simply more comfortable for you and others. 

It was always a challenge to go out. Strange how normal people would never think twice before closing the door behind them and entering the outside world, but it became something you had to prepare yourself for. 

Taking a deep breath, you close the door behind you and navigate as best as you can to the nearby cafe. 

Sure, you barely left your place, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy a refreshing drink outside every once in a while. 

Two people bump into your side, and you barely spare them a second, continuing on. 

An apology is given, but you brush it off, hiding your face and quickly continuing on. 

That’s strange. One of the voices sounded really familiar, but it was too quick, and you barely heard the voice enough to pinpoint it. 

It happened all the time- if not always- running into another person. But this time, it was different. After touching the stranger's shoulder by accident, it felt like a flame burst inside of you. Intense enough to make your head spin a little and set your body alight. 

And the sun wasn’t making it better. 

Gosh, why is the sun so bright today? 

You brush it off, opening the door to the cafe and taking your sunglasses off to be polite and not seem weird or suspicious. 

You squint at the board, cautiously walking to the register and ordering. 

After they confirm your order, you find a nice spot alone in the corner. 

It’s not too busy or slow today, you note. But soon boredom overcomes you, and eventually, you find yourself staring at the entrance door whenever someone new enters for no reason in particular. 

The entrance bell rings, and your eyes subconsciously flick to see who it is. 

Wait. 

No fucking way. 

It can’t be. 

Huang Renjun?

 in your city?

Entering the same cafe you were currently at? 

You suddenly remember. One dream, a long time ago when he excitedly rambled on about that internship he got. Located where you lived. That’s right, he said it was in the springtime. And here he was now. 

A string of curses run through your brain, your heart beginning to pick up its pace in panic. 

You debate just leaving. But your order..... oh god, what if he sees you? 

Will he recognize you? Stupid, obviously Renjun would recognize you. 

What if he comes up to you? 

Shit, you have no clue what to do. 

Maybe if you just look away and hide your face when he passes, then he won’t see you. 

You look down, pretending to be occupied with your shirt and shuddering when you hear his voice get closer.

You let out a tiny sigh of relief when he passes with someone else, you suppose a friend. But it’s not over. 

“Order for y/n!”

You unleash more curses internally. Of course, they had to call your name. Of fucking course. 

You desperately hope Renjun isn’t paying attention.  

Exhaling, you try to act as normal as possible walking up to get your drink. But before you even make it there, you can feel eyes on you. It burns the back of your head. 

You scream into your mouth, teeth gritting to barely muffle the sound. 

It’s okay, just pretend you can’t see him -you already yelled at him confessing that you were blind anyway, so maybe he thinks that you can’t see him. 

It’s fine. 

Act normal. 

You obtain your order and take one step carefully at a time. 

Oh no. 

Oh no- he’s coming towards you. You can just barely see in your peripheral view Renjun approaching and getting closer. 

“Y/n.” 

You try not to stiffen at his voice. Just act like you’re blind and can’t see him. 

Turning around, you pretend to act blank. “Yes? Who’s talking to me?”

“Y/n,” Renjun says more insistently. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize you. Who are you?”

And then his hand reaches out to yours.

You panic, swatting it away. 

You hear renjun's breath hitch. “Wait- how did you do that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Y-you,” he stutters, “you blocked my hand. B-but how? I don’t-“

You frown. “Cause I saw it?”

Your hand raises up to cover your mouth. 

You saw his hand. 

You can see. 

What- when did this happen? 

How did this happen?

Why didn’t you notice? 

There are so many things swirling in your mind, but Renjun calls your name again. 

You look back at him, truly look at him, and suddenly it’s like all the puzzle pieces fit together. 

He’s breathtaking. It’s so different seeing him in person and not in your dreams. If anything, you’re jealous of how much prettier he seems in real life. 

You’re not sure how long you stare at each other. Seeing those eyes that once captivated your soul right in front of you. 

“The last time I saw you was in my dream,” you breathe, “but it feels like the first time I’m meeting you.” 

Renjun doesn’t say anything, and abruptly you find yourself in his arms. 

You don’t care that you’re hugging in the middle of a public place, it just feels so right. 

You bury your face in his shoulder, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was just so afraid at what you'd say, and I just liked you too much and I’m sorry-“

Renjun pulls back, staring at you like he hasn’t seen anything more magnificent before. 

“It doesn’t matter. You can tell me everything you want now.” 

ꔫ

“I’m happy to report that the swelling in your optic nerves has gone down. It’s like a miracle occurred,” the doctor remarks.

Luckily, renjun’s internship lasted for a couple weeks, and you were able to spend as much time as possible with him. The only time you weren’t next to his side was when he was working or you were at the doctor's to check up on your condition. 

There was no more blankness. There were no more headaches. It’s like Renjun brought a breath of fresh air into your life. It’s almost like he was meant for you. 

You simply smile and laugh at the doctor as you think, 

Yes, a miracle did happen. One where I met the person who seemed only like a dream and learned the most important lesson in my life. 

That dreams really can come true.

Bonus : 

“Renjun, you’re going the wrong way.”

“Well excuse me for not having ever been to this place before.”

“Okay, you’re excused.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, and you grin cheekily before taking his hand. 

“C’mon, we still have to get to the top.” 

“Did you get the blankets?”

“Yep.”

“And the snacks?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got your favorite.” 

It’s been so long since you came here. Your favorite spot to stargaze. The one you went to all the time before the accident. The one you were going to when the car accident happened. 

But this time it was different. You had Renjun next to you. 

After ten minutes of hiking and Renjun complaining, you finally make it to the top of the secluded hill, the night sky seeming so close and yet so far. 

Renjun takes everything in with a breath. “Wow. I can see why you love this place.”

You feel a rush of emotions. How long has it been since you were able to come here and see the stars? 

You two set up the blankets and sit back, embracing the sight. 

He sits down on the blanket, and you automatically lie down next to him, placing your head in his lap. 

“Doesn’t this remind of you that one dream where we saw your city from above?”

Renjun grins. “I remember that. I still thought that you were just a fake simulation or whatever. And now look, we’re together in real life.”

You hum thoughtfully. 

“Thank you, Renjun.”

He looks down at you. “For what?”

Suddenly you can’t look him in the eye. “For everything. For being my friend and never leaving,” you gulp, nervous. 

“I... I love you.” 

Renjun jerks a little, eyes wide. “What did you just say?”

You breathe in, out. “I love you, huang renjun.”

He starts laughing for some reason, leaning down to kiss your forehead. 

“I love you too.”

After that, you enjoy the peaceful silence and the buzz of the insects. 

“...don’t you think this would be a hotspot for aliens to come to? This field is so vast and secluded -if I were an alien, I would come here a lot.”

You shrug. “I don’t know. But I guess I would too.”

Renjun suddenly looks at you with an accusing glare. And you catch on, smacking his side. 

“Don’t even think about it.”

He feigns ignorance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Okay sure. You totally weren’t gonna say something about how I could be an extraterrestrial creature from another planet since I come here so often.” 

“Well-”

You stuff food in his mouth to shut him up. 

He chews for a minute or two before talking again. 

“.... what if we get abducted by them?”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. I’ve been here so many times, and nothing happened to me.”

“Maybe that’s because you are a-“

“Oh my gosh. Just stop. And trust me, if I were one, you would already be abducted with that face,” you joke.

You look up from your spot on his lap, staring up at the twinkling lights in the dark sky. 

“It doesn't matter, I’m not scared.”

Renjun looks down at you with a curious smile. “Why?” 

“Because everything got a little better when I saw you.” 

And the stars seem to agree, twinkling in the background when your lips reach up to meet his.

You had so many questions that couldn’t be answered. 

But maybe it would all be okay.  

Because you could suddenly see the spring again.

a/n: if you made it to the end, thank you for reading :) 

also i tried my best to research as much as i could on all related topics to this work yadaddaa but if there are errors and inaccuracies, i apologize! 

taglist: @elcie-chxn @dearseungie​ 

unable to tag: @flower-lise  

[the-sympathetic-villain]

Lullaby of Woe

AO3

Angst Prompt - "Of all the times to tell me, why now?" - Any pairing From @crazydemigod666 on Tumblr

@crazydemigod666 Psst you sent this ask to my main but I don’t really post my writing there, so I’m posting it here. Hope you don’t mind ;) Also, though very different in tone, this actually reminded me of your own Jolly Sailor Bold as I was writing it in a lot of ways lol so I hope you enjoy!

---

Description: Feeling unwanted, Patton climbs up to the deck of their ship to get some fresh air when the voice of a siren comes calling.

Also, there's a song in this one. I modified the lyrics, but the song is "Lullaby of Woe" - Ashley Serena and you can listen to it here if you'd like.

Word Count: 2104

Pairings: Logicality

Characters: Patton, Logan

Warnings: Major Character Death (Ambiguous, honestly its entirely up to how you interpret it), Angst with an ambiguous ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of neglect, Mentions of cheating, Past toxic relationship, Mentions of food insecurity, Touch starvation, Hypnosis-like trance, Brief Suicidal ideation, Crying, (Let me know if I need to add anything!)

---

    Patton had a problem.

    The crew hadn't been able to look him in the eye for over a fortnight, even though he could feel the pity in his stares as he milled about the deck without purpose. At any other point in his life, he would have been deeply ashamed, but he was nearly too tired to care now. The captain had notified him that his rations had been cut. He'd been told it was a temporary measure, but Patton knew better. The captain was starving him off the ship.

    The wind nipped at his arms as Patton nimbly topped the ladder to the upper deck. Moonlight pooled on the polished wood, lighting his way as he strode through the darkness. He moved confidently, though he felt himself nearly stumbling and losing his footing with the sharp rocking of the ship. The weakness was getting to him. He knew he shouldn’t be up in the open air as the boat rocked in the wind. One swift wind could blow him overboard and he'd be gone forever, but he couldn’t bear another minute of listening to the crew's whispers.

    His heart was broken enough already. He'd thought the captain loved him. When they met, Patton’s body and soul had felt like fire. In a flurry of passion, Patton had dropped his comfortable life to follow the man he'd loved across the sea and it had been the thrilling journey of his life. Flowing from adventure to adventure, the pure excitement and adrenaline had lit up his world and blinded him to the fire that had begun to eat him up inside.

    Only now, as Patton staggered to the bow of ship, did he realize how much he'd withered away to make way for the man who claimer to love him. Mere embers of the previous flame remained in Patton’s heart as the captain drifted into the arms of new lovers, his loyalty already fickle and fading before Patton was even gone.

    Patton sucked in a sob as he lurched forward, nearly tumbling over the ship's railing as a sudden wave jarred the ship. His white knuckles gripped the wood on instinct as he sunk to his knees. A soundless cry escaped him as he collapsed to the floor and tears flowed freely down his face in silent grief.

    The pain in his chest was nearly unbearable as Patton lost himself staring into the black water of the sea below, mesmerized by the swirling vortexes as he desperately pushed away darker thoughts. He had no idea how long he sat there, silently sobbing as the moon moved across the sky, but it seemed like only moments before an unnerving melody floated through the air.

    Fishes asleep among the weeds,

    Patton’s head shot up at the sound the unfamiliar voice echoing eerily across the open deck. His knees curled to his chest as his eyes darted through the darkness, searching for the source of the voice.

    Waves all a swaying in the breeze,

    “Who’s there?”

    Patton shivered as he raised his head to get a better view of the deck below. Unable to spot anyone, he cautiously reached up to the railing to pull himself upright and listen to the voice continue.

    But one soul lies anxious, wide awake,

    Fearing no manner of ghouls nor wraiths.

    Patton jumped, spinning on his toes as the last line finished directly behind his ear. His shoulders spun clumsily as he stumbled away from the bow of the ship, landing on the ground with a thud as he turned to stare at the beast balancing on the bowsprit of the ship.

    The creature stood on two feet and Patton could nearly have mistaken him for a man a man, if not for the pallid color of his skin and haunting blue glow of his eyes. The specter glided forward with an unearthly grace, balancing on the narrow bow of the ship as it rocked chaotically in the wind.

    “Do not scream.” The man purred as he dropped silently on the deck. “Lest you condemn the rest of your friends to share your fate.”

    A grimace curled on Patton’s lips at the statement and he resigned himself to quietly edging closer the railing behind him.

    “Oh, not friends then.”

    The beast cooed under his breath as he leaned forward to loom over Patton.  Adrenaline rushed through his veins as the creature slowly kneeled in front of him and raised a hand to his face. Patton flinched as cold fingers brushed along his jaw and guided his chin up until he was staring into the ice-cold eyes of the man above him.

    “Relax.”

    Patton felt the tension in his body disappear as the dulcet tones of the man's voice lulled him into complacency. His vision blurred as he tried to stay focused on the man’s face, but as he was pulled to his feet, only one thought rang out in his mind.

    He's…pretty.

    The beast's calming voice continued to fill the air with a lilting melody as he smiled crowded Patton against the railing.

    Don’t dare let him tremble,

    For the witcher, heartless and cold,

    Paid in coin of gold,

    He comes and goes and he'll leave not behind,

    Subtle chills tingled across Patton’s skin at the man's power. He knew fear should be gripping his heart, but he couldn’t help but his starstruck smile as the man lips curled into a sharp-toothed grin.

    but heartache and woe,

    Deep, deep woe.

    Patton’s breath caught in his throat as his waist caught the railing. His balance wavered as the momentum nearly sent him tumbling into the dark water below, but an iron grip caught his collar.

    Deep, deep woe.

    The man’s deep voice resonated against Patton’s chest and he finished its last note, drawing Patton’s attention back to his mesmerizing eyes.

    “Are you afraid?”

    Patton sucked on his lip as he stared into the icy look of the man’s eyes. His heart slowed as the air shifted blinked his shock up at the man in front of him.

    “Please, I'll do anythi—”

    “Young one, be at peace. Fearing me is a waste of your energy.”

    A raspy breath escaped Patton’s parted lips as the beast's hand passed over his jaw to curl around the back of his neck. Instinctively, he started to flinch away, but the monster caught him.

    “Why do you allow yourself to wither, human?”

    Patton sucked on his lip as his skin tingled like wildfire from the man’s icy touch. He hated to admit it, even to himself, but it'd been a long time since he'd been touched with such gentleness. The sense of danger radiating off the man in front of him should have made him quiver with fear, but instead he felt himself leaning into the unfamiliar comfort with a quiet sob.

    “Hush now. You no longer need to suffer.”

    Scaled fingers slipped through Patton’s hair as the pale beast comforted him. The walls which he’d built around his heart came crashing down and his feelings escaped him in a subdued mourning.

    “That’s all you really wanted. Isn’t it? To be needed?”

    Patton’s grip tightened on the man's flowing silk shirt as a soft whisper escaped him. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

    “I've been watching you since your ship left the port nearly a full moon ago. The effort you extend to for the benefit of the others aboard this vessel is nothing less than commendable.” The beast’s breath passed through Patton’s hair like a soft wind as his fingertips brushed Patton’s cheek. “You are not simply a weight to the man who scorns your love.”

    The man’s soothing voice resonated from his chest as Patton timidly tipped his head up to him.

    “W-who are you?”

    “My name is of no consequence,” The man’s whispered, though he seemed to immediately correct himself as he noted Patton’s disappointment. “Though you may call me Logan, if your heart desires.”

    “Logan—” Patton breathed as he lifted his head. “—you've been watching me?”

    “With deep interest, my dearest. You are too delectable to be wasted on someone who does not appreciate you.” Logan’s sharp-toothed grin grew wider as his thumb brushed Patton’s cheek. “Your scent is absolutely dizzying.”

    “T-that can't be true.”

    “Oh?” The siren's pale fingers trailed down Patton’s jaw, letting out a melodic chuckle as Patton sighed at the touch. “And why is that, my lovely?”

    Patton’s face twisted in disgust and he started to pull away. “I'm—I'm not—”

    Logan’s hands caught Patton’s waist, eliciting a gasp as he effortlessly lifted Patton and placed him on the railing of the rocking ship. He moved forward, standing between  Patton’s legs as his piercing, blue eyes locked onto Patton.

    “Not what, darling?”

    “N-not special.” Patton whispered quietly, suddenly entranced by the mesmerizing glimmer in Logan’s eyes.

    “It truly is a crime that any man was able to convince you of that.”

    Patton blinked in disbelief as the siren curled a finger under his chin, lifting his gaze. “What?”

    “Your soul leaves a sweet scent in the air that only a fool would neglect to savor.” Logan whispered, sending pleasant chills down Patton’s spine as his other hand slipped around Patton’s waist. “My dearest, you are a gift to this world that has kept my eye for thrice the time it's taken for the dark moon to turn bright in the sky.”

    “If—If you've been watching me—” Patton started after a moment of silence, shaking as he reached up to grip Logan’s wrist. “Then, of all times to tell me, why now?”

    The siren was silent as his piercing eyes bore into Patton, sending a heated wave of adrenaline through him as another wave crashed against the side of the ship. Logan’s grip tightened on Patton’s waist as sea's mist filled the air.

    “I think you know why I have approached you.”

    “Y-you're a siren.” Patton whispered as he nervously clung to the railing.

    “Come away with me, darling.”

    “They—” Patton swallowed the lump in his throat as he turned his head away from the dangerous look in Logan’s eyes. “The sailors say that those who are taken away by sirens are never heard from again.”

    Logan remained quiet for a moment before raising a hand to wipe the tears from Patton’s cheek. “You will not be missed by the men on this ship.”

    Patton sucked in a breath as though he'd been struck in the stomach. “I—I know, but—”

    “Hush, now. Do not be afraid.” Logan whispered as tears brimmed in Patton’s eyes. “Do you have loved ones on the land?”

    “No,” Patton breathed as an emptiness filled his chest. “I am alone.”

    “Then what do you live for, dearest?”

    Patton started to shake as tears streamed down his face. “I—I don’t know anymore.”

    “Then tell me, my love.” Logan whispered as he curled a finger around Patton’s chin to lift his head up. “What risk is there in leaving with me?”

    “I'm not ready to die."

    Logan's sharp teeth glistened in the moonlight as he leaned into Patton’s ear. “Who said anything about dying?”

    Patton blinked, still in disbelief as he sputtered out a response. “Are you going to hurt me?”

    “Will you take the risk to find out?”

    Patton sucked in a breath as he stared into Logan’s blue eyes. His heart pounded in his chest as he balanced on the railing of the ship, teetering above the dark waters above.

    “O-okay.”

    Logan leaned in closer with a knowing grin. “You have to tell me what you want, love.”

    “Take me away, p-please.”

    Logan's unearthly grin widened as Patton curled into his chest. “As you wish, darling.”

    A hum started deep in Logan's chest, soothing Patton’s uneven breathing as he continued his song.

      The waves are silent for the night,

      All matter turned in as daylight dies,

      But one soul lies anxious wide awake,

      My dear darling Patton, shut your eyes,

      Lie still, lie silent, utter no cries.

    The world around Patton seemed became blurry as the siren’s song lulled him into a deep trance. His skin tingled with a pleasant vibration as the soft sound of Logan’s voice filled his ears. Deep in a stupor, he barely noticed as they dropped into the dark waters below. The moonlight faded as they disappeared beneath the surface, but Logan’s voice still echoed beautifully in his mind.

    Beware of the man who covets your soul,

    He'll chop you and slice you,

    Cut and he'll dice you,

    Eat you up whole,

    Eat you whole,

    All while he sings to you,

    he lullaby of deep, deep woe.

---

General Taglist:

@justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck @shadowyplaidpurseegg

[hinac0lada]

the wrong reasons

RISS’ NOTE: food for .. tsum tsum fuckers <3 this is also dedicated to @agaassi​ !! ilysm mrs. miya mwa mwa big thanks to @drabblily​ for beta reading !

CHARACTER PAIRING: fwb!atsumu miya/f!reader

WC: 5.1k

WARNING/s: nsfw/smut, vaginal sex, blowjob, riding, some cock warming, dirty talk, crying, slight crack + angst + fluff

today was indeed a bad day for you. thoughts filled your head with the recent fight you had with a friend that left your heart broken. but the show must go on, you and your friends with benefits agreed specifically on this day, so you just can't just say no. sighing once the elevator doors open, you make small but quick strides on the way to the front door. you rung the doorbell to his apartment complex, hoping you could get your mind off of your problems for a while with him. 

it was, after all, something he accomplished without fail.

upon hearing the doorbell ring, atsumu loosely hangs a towel over his nape, hair still damp after just having taken a shower. he makes quick strides, soon opening the door with a small grin. "took ya long enough, babe," he greets, eyes watching you enter as he subtly checked you out. 

"head over to the room. i'll be there in a second," he takes the towel hung around his neck to rub his hair before he heads over back to the bathroom. you playfully punched his arm, rolling your eyes with a smile at his use of the pet name you somehow can't get used to. you discarded your shoes, hanging your coat by the rack. 

"alright, babe," you mimicked while making your way to his bedroom, plopping down on the soft mattress and lying down to release the tension while fiddling with the ends of your sleeves. distracted by your own thoughts, you failed to take notice of his presence.

after he's gone to take care of his necessities, he followed you shortly in the bedroom - only clad in loose shorts with a hand running through his half-damp, half-dry hair. 

"so, what'dya wanna do? missionary? doggy style?" 

he stated positions of names that they'd try out. he's not that picky - just a preference as long as he got his dick wet. still, he used to think of fucking you for his own pleasure. nowadays however, he's been slowly easing himself and taking his time. focusing on making it worthwhile for the both of you.

"damn, that's a first.." slightly taken aback by his sudden change of heart, you dodge the towel hurdling towards your direction with a giggle. 

"i'll go with your flow. besides, you're the one who called me over," you point out, removing your sweater, leaving you adorned in a lacy bralette and skirt, ridding your hair from the pony tail.

"what's the plan, tsumu?" you leaned on the bed with your elbows propped up. under that mask of provocation was one of despondence, but you’d rather hide that from him - he wouldn't care anyways. 

atsumu walks over to the bed, knee dipping over as his weight is added on, hand reaching behind you for support while he cups your cheek with his right. 

"ya don't mind riding my cock right? not really feelin' like doin' so much work t'day," he smirks lightly, leaning in to snag a quick kiss, tongue licking over your lip to tease you. he pulls back, moving over to your side as he awaits for your next move.

"alright you tease," you rolled your eyes for the nth time, pulling away from the kiss when you felt like you were getting too into it. what a jerk. nonetheless, your face featured a smirk - one that matches with his own. as if immediately, you straddled him, placing yourself on his lap, clothed sexes rubbing onto each other. your lips attack his soft ones hungrily, hands finding its way to his hair, fingers entangled with his fluffy locks.

a soft groan slipped past his lips, jutting his hips upwards to directly rub his bulge against your clothed heat, hands squeezing your hips - mouth pulling away to kiss your neck, repeatedly attacking and sucking everywhere his mouth got on; teeth nipping on skin, red marks forming after every trail. 

atsumu slowly dry humped you, controlling the slight pace and direction of how your hips rolled languidly against his, but never going further than that. he did say you’d do most of the work. 

"c'mon, doll. m'sure ya could do more," he murmurs against your collarbone, half-lidded eyes flickering upwards to momentarily meet with yours. a calloused hand reached over your behind, cupping your ass and squeezing softly, smirking coyly from the small pleased sigh that left your lips. you let out a sigh of satisfaction from the action - the way atsumu’s hands grabbed onto your ass felt like a puzzle meant to be complete at some point. 

in reality, your half assed humps were a result of your mind overthinking the dilemma you so desperately wanted to forget. " oh, i'll do more just you wait," you snapped back, kisses trailing down to his bulge - ridding him of his shorts and boxers, grabbing his length in your small hands as you slowly pumped it. you lock gazes with him as you took his whole length in your mouth, gag reflexes close to none from doing this countless times.

atsumu lets out a grunt, hand flying towards your hair as he slightly forces you to bob your head faster - tucking away stray hairs that got in the way of your face.

"look at ya, taking my cock like the good girl you are," he murmurs under his breath, groaning from when you started to deep-throat him. his grip soon turned even tighter, hissing ever so slightly when he felt your hands fondle his sack, making his balls tighten from your warm touch. 

"come on, babe. you can do more can't ya?"

you stopped for a second to give him a look as if you were pondering on something - right until you resumed back to sucking his cock almost immediately. your tongue swirled at the tip of his shaft, using both hands to pump his length while bobbing your head up and down. moans vibrate against his dick, the tug at your hair turning you on the slightest. and for a second, you forgot about what you were lamenting about in the first place. your only goal was to please him.

"fuck, suck it just like that," he juts his hips upwards, slowly fucking your throat as he felt your teeth graze the edge of his girth. head thrown back, he let another pleased groan leave his lips. he wasn't ashamed. you sucked his dick so well, why wouldn't he be vocal? dirty praise and sighs were mumbled each time, dick twitching every so often inside your mouth - tongue lapping up by the prominent veins over his cock. "s-so.. fuckin' hot," he sputters, cursing under his breath.

the sight of him squirming beneath your touch was something to behold as you took in his form from where you were. eyeing his expressions full of ecstasy, all the while sucking his dick like no tomorrow. you liked it when he fucked your throat - moaning at the impact of his hips connecting to your mouth; every tug at your precious strands of hair sent a powerful throb in your core. 

your moans were no comparison to his. every lick and suck on his hard cock while each of his groans and grunts grew louder - close to push him to the edge of a climax. you continue to pump his length with both of your hands, quickening the pace.

"shit- i'm close," atsumu releases a ragged breath, feeling his cock throb from the way your hot mouth felt on his sex. he now had two hands on your head, forcibly thrusting his dick in and out of your mouth while your hands still fondled his balls. 

"fuckfuckfuck- cumming- m'cummin'-!" he spurts his load directly inside your eager mouth, groaning in satisfaction with each spurt of cum that shoots from his shaft. he pulls out, a lazy grin contorting on his face. "open yer mouth, babe. let me see you swallow it all," 

the familiar sweet yet salty taste of his cum filled your mouth, leaving some to coat your luscious lips. you slowly opened your mouth enough for his entertainment, gradually swallowing the creamy white substance. 

you licked the remains of his cum that was left on your fingers, moaning in fulfillment at the taste you seemed to have favored. a perk in getting a pro athlete to be your fuck buddy was that they actually had a healthy diet. you zoned out a bit, train of thought still filled with the doubts from earlier. 

of course the fight you had recently wasn't that easy to forget. your (now) ex-friend left you feeling worthless. but there was no time to sulk, no tears left to cry - at least that's what you thought. you didn’t think atsumu would notice anyway.

he pats his thigh, eyes observing your somewhat forlorn expression. "somethin' wrong there?" 

atsumu pulls you up by the arm, easily transferring you to his lap; half-hard groin brushing against your inner thigh. he hisses lightly but still kept his focus on your face. "ya alright?" atsumu wasn't sure when he'd gotten a bit more keen on your attitude since you got here, but he could more or less tell something was bothering you. 

as much as he'd want to stuff you full and rearrange your guts, he'd rather know what the hell made you seem so dull and not happy that you’d just have sucked nearly the soul out of him.

"yeah, yeah- i'm cool.. we're cool.”

you dismiss it almost immediately, attempting to laugh it off in which you kind of regret. it was true that whenever someone asks if you were alright - in which you aren't, you could cry on sight. "nothing for you to worry about," 

you avoid his fiery gaze, eyes flickering everywhere but his eyes as you tried to blink the tears back into your system. before the male could utter another word, you position your entrance on by his erection, folds kissing the tip of his cock. you slowly bring yourself down, letting his shaft invade your velvety walls.

atsumu wasn't able to ask further upon feeling your tight hole suck in his cock. "f-fuck- so goddamn tight," his hands find its way back to your waist, rolling his hips against yours to fully sheath his length inside. he does not believe a single word that you had uttered. you were avoiding it. but how else would he focus his attention on two things at a time when your pussy took in his dick so fucking well? no matter how many times they'd fuck, your cunt was as tight as ever - fitting nicely around him; almost as if your dirty and needy pussy was made for him. 

despite his fair share of past flames, he couldn't get enough of you. even if it was a friends with benefits situation. he doesn't know what it was that drew him to you- being fuck buddies for nearly 3 months and counting has been a wild ride. the mutual agreement between you two was unspoken, but it hangs there. they weren't supposed to fall in love. 

pushing himself back to reality, he thrusts up, cursing.

you let out a shaky moan, the feeling of bliss from getting fucked overtook your senses. his dick felt so good inside; invading your tight walls which only clenched even further around him. your hips started rolling in tandem with his own. you needed this, you wanted this. and yet you couldn't bring yourself to fully enjoy it. 

you felt bad for dragging atsumu into your mess. the male was only looking forward to pleasure after all; at least, that's what you would assume. and if things couldn't get any worse, the tears start welling up right then and there. your whimpers were blended with ecstasy, yet they were full of the gloominess that slowly crept up on you. 

you didn't know if it was the pang in your heart or if it was the pleasure your pussy has indulged in. you felt so pathetic, so stupid. you thought this was the only thing you needed, but in reality, all you needed was reassurance and comfort.

he snaps his hips with a bit more ferocity, grinning when he's elicited shaky moans and whimpers from your ample lips; a vexatious smirk curving on his lips upon feeling you clamp down on his length, eyes nearly rolling back. "yeah, just like that, baby - fuck yourself on my cock- shit-" 

atsumu cuts himself off with a small growl, fingernails digging in on your flesh. he peers back down with one eye open, immediately cutting off the lust and slight ache of his cock upon seeing your eyes well up with tears. he curses under his breath, hand reaching up to wipe them away with his thumb. "hey, hey- why're ya cryin?" slight panic coursed through him. did he fuck up or something? jesus. 

"does somethin’ hurt? was my dick in too deep?" concern laced his voice heavily, even if his cock was still hard.

"n-no it's not.. it- it's just -" and there it was. the water works. tears cascaded down your cheeks endlessly, hanging your head low as your hands violently brushed away the endless waterfall of tears away - as if that could help. you were in too deep in your own misery. 

"i'm s-sorry 'tsumu," you apologize, not expecting to bring your own baggage in your supposed lustful sex. you felt guilty for ruining the mood, for ruining his mood specifically. 

crying in front of him - for the first time - was not part of the plan. at all. but here they are now, in the most awkward situation a fuck buddy could ever face - more specifically to you. you didn't even think he'd care for your well being.

"gosh, this is so fucking embarrassing.." you muttered in between hiccups, trying to hide your face from his view; paying no mind to the fact that his dick was still inside of you.

"shh, shh. s'alright, darlin," he cups your cheeks with both hands, wiping away anymore stray tears free-falling from your eyes. now, this wasn't exactly an ideal situation atsumu would've imagined himself facing. he stays still inside you, having to hold back his need to fuck your insides to calm you down and fix.. whatever the hell your problem was.

"why don't ya tell me what's wrong? we can... ah, wait it out. no needa rush," he slips in between grunts. it wasn't helping that as you cried out onto him even with his cock still inside, you were still tight as fuck. the blonde sighs, adjusting his position for you to be more comfortable, taking mental note of how you’re theoretically cock warming right now. 

"c'mon, (name). talk to me."

it took a while to calm down your sobs, but you eventually got a hold of yourself. it was.. beyond embarrassing, to cry on your fuck buddy's shoulder while he was basically cock warming. it didn't help how your cunt would occasionally clench around his dick whilst venting about the things your ex-friend said. it made you feel like absolute shit. 

you poured your whole heart out for him to see. you would've never imagined doing this with someone like miya atsumu; the guy that took your first - and will probably be your last. despite knowing the fact that you shouldn't have fallen for him, you did. 

"basically.. she made me feel like i'm the scum of the earth," you croaked out, holding onto his broad shoulders for dear life. 

"i'm starting to see why.. i'm really sorry about this, atsumu - we should've just cancelled. but could you blame me? i wanted to.. try to forget about that for a while. with you." atsumu listened to every word as closely as he can. although it was something he might've considered dumb and cared less if it were anyone else, this was about you. he'd be willing to make an exception, even if his cock was still sheathed in your tightness. 

"s'fine, don't worry 'bout it. if this is something that could help you... forget, i'm always willin' to do it with ya," he murmurs, thumb slowly rubbing your cheek as his loopy, brown eyes softened by your fragile state. 

"i'm no good at comfortin'... so, if you'd let me..?" he awkwardly shifts, pushing you back a bit, still letting you keep your grip on his shoulders. sighing, he entangles a strand of [h.c] in between his fingers, bringing it up to his lips. 

"so what about her? fuck her. cut ties with that bitch for all i care. she won't be botherin' ya anymore. not if i have anythin’ to do 'bout it," his tone went down an octave, nearly a spiteful growl leaving his lips.

"don't- don't worry about her, s-she already got what she wanted out of me," you stutter, fingers running through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. your mind was still trying to comprehend that his dick was twitching from inside of your cunt. you let out a breathless moan as you switch places. 

atsumu’s toned body hovered over yours as he gently laid you down - his touch much more delicate than before. it was as if he was taking care of you; a complete contrast to those rough nights where he'd dick you down until you were in tears. your eyes locked onto each other, and for a while it was like time was non existent. as much as they didn't want to admit it, you both fell. and you fell hard. his hips started thrusting on a slower pace, following the beat of your own moans of pleasure.

"that's right, just focus on my cock," he whispers with tongue held taut in between his teeth, hand finding placement back on your hips. 

he can't get it out of his sights - the way your pussy greedily sucks in his length in one go, bottoming out once again. atsumu lowers his head down, lips sucking and nipping on your clavicle as his hips snap against yours, carving the shape of his cock inside your tight and glorious hole. the primal feeling inside him stirs; plunging in and out of you as much as you could take. his thumbs find shelter on your nipples, rolling and squeezing the erect buds as his teeth marked your neck, the fast rhythm he's set on has his balls slapping against your ass - grunts and every curse from the book spewing from his lips from the jubilant fuck. 

"fuckin' take it, baby. shit- you like that? bein' stuffed full. such a dirty girl," his thrusts turn irregular, practically drilling himself inside you; brows creasing from the brutal pace he's challenged himself under. 

he was right when he said you favored being stuffed full by his cock. every snap of his hips meeting with yours sent your body jolts at the violent impact. ecstasy was all you felt - as if you hadn't cried your eyes out a minute ago. your nails clawed at his back from the amount of pleasure your tight cunt was blessed with. your legs could only spread wider, wanting to feel more of his fat cock. "a-ah-uh! 't-tsumu - fuck!" 

you chant his name like a mantra, head being completely empty other than thoughts of the sensual fuck. the chemistry you two had was incomparable to any other. atsumu lets a loud grunt escape, fingernails digging in on your supple flesh. beads of sweat formed on his creased forehead, his left hand switched over to your ankle, stretching your legs even wider as he plunged himself even deeper in your hole - stroking your walls just right. 

the male smirks at a particular whine that left your lips, signaling him that he was pleasantly hammering your sweet spot within moments of being sheathed inside. he captures your lips back in a feverish kiss - wet and sloppy as he let out lewd whispers of how fucking tight your pussy was around him, milking his cock like the good little girl you were. the hand on your hip lowers down back to your pulsing cunt, calloused fingers flicking your slit to increase the pressure on your fucked out state; enjoying how your expression varied from tearful to a full-on rapture. 

"look at your cute lil' pussy, taking in my fat cock so well. s'too big for ya?" atsumu breathlessly chuckles, feeling his dick twitch.

your moans were incomparable to the porn stars that horny teenagers would be more than familiar with. who could blame you though? he was fucking you so damn good. if anyone had to ask you what was your favorite part, it's the way his full length invaded your tight walls - stroking the sensitive bundle of nerves. 

you were filled with overwhelming pleasure, so much to the point that his back looked like a crime scene with red marks all over - a symbolism of how well he fucked you. "fuck - yesyes! h-harder 'tsumu - shit you're so good!" you moaned out, praising his ministrations on your needy pussy; too intoxicated to even care about your foul mouth.

you felt like his kisses were your only remedy. kissing your bruises, your scars and all of your worries and doubts. maybe it was the sex or maybe it was his existence in itself that made you fall.

the scratches and marks left on his back were ones he could proudly wear as battle scars. each cry and whimper from your lips only encouraged him to slam himself in you even more. he swallows every moan, every sigh as he plowed through you like a beast. atsumu’s teeth bite down on your bare neck, littering it with hickies as his thrusts got even sloppier from his impending release. "fuckkk, baby. i'ma cum soon- shit!" he lets out a shaky groan, hips stuttering from how your needy cunt squeezed his shaft so fucking tight.

you could feel the room spinning, moans and sighs of pleasure getting louder and louder in line with the squeaking of the bed, headboard banging against the wall from the amount of pressure atsumu has put in his thrusts. 

"uh- 'tsumu - shit - i-i think i'm," you cut yourself off with a loud whimper as your hands quickly traveled to his scalp that was slightly dampened yet again with sweat. "i'm c-close!" he was pounding your sweet spot over and over again - your screams were high-pitched, lost in the euphoria of sex. but you would've never prepared yourself for the three words atsumu was about to say in the middle of your orgasm.

atsumu lost himself inside your tight walls, sloppy thrusts and loud pants echoing through the room. "fuck, i...i love you-!" his murmur of tenderness almost went by unnoticed as his dick spasmed, feeling it go numb as he cums hard and deep inside your dirty and abused little pussy. 

"shitshitfuck! take it all, baby- fuckin' that dirty hole with my cum," he growls against your neck, biting down as he slammed back inside with every ribbon of cum spurting out of his dick. the blonde lets out another shaky groan, a hiss leaving his lips as he plops his weight on you, letting out a satisfied sigh; feeling your own essence mix with his cum.

upon the release of your juices, you let out a loud cry, volume matching up to his as he felt his dick spurt a load of cum inside. thank the heavens you were on the pill. but despite the intensity of that moment, you never let those words leave your mind. was this his confession? or was it just the atmosphere of the moment? 

you glanced down at his weary expression, his body laying on top of yours. both of your hands reached for his cheeks, cupping it for them to come face to face. (e/c) irises meeting with his - both still dazed from the previous haze of lust. "was that true?.. you love me?" 

at this point, what was there to lose? certainly not the dick that was still inside your cum-filled hole. you proceed to wipe the sweat off of his forehead gently.

the male lets a shaky breath escape his lips, feeling his lungs throb - or was it his chest? he hadn't meant for it to slip out, but he can't take it back now. not ever. "...fuck." he curses, wanting to pull away because he fucking knew it wasn't right. they had a deal. they weren't supposed to fall in love. yet, here he is - the miya atsumu, spilling out his profound love after an orgasm with his fuck buddy. what a time to be alive. 

"..so what if i do?" 

his voice was low and unsure, not having it in him to pull away. not when his dick was still clamped inside your creamy walls. atsumu looks right back at your hazy eyes, not wanting to back down from what he truly felt. 

"gonna leave right after?" even as he tried to hide it, his tone had wavered. this was exactly why he didn't want to fall for anyone - especially his fuck buddy. still, he'd either go all in or not at all.

"dumbass, why would i ever leave you?" 

your eyes softened at the crack in his tone. the hands that were cupping his face slowly eased to much more fond and tender type of warmth, holding his cheek like you were holding the world - your newly found world. 

atsumu’s eyes stayed locked on yours; slightly widened, taken aback by your words. he never braced himself for what was about to come next. your connect your lips with his, seems as though there was more passion put into it. you pull away momentarily, thumbs grazing over his the skin beneath his eye.

"if it isn’t obvious enough, i love you too." you state with a small, shy smile.

"i mean, i thought you would've known by now.." mousy hues widened a fraction, heart thumping against his chest. 

"well, fuck. we had an agreement, didn't we?" he captures your mouth in a lip lock again, grinning against your lips. 

"ya got a real funny way of showin' it," he snickers as he pulls away, gazing down with a soft look, relishing in your touch. yes, he felt sticky, sweaty and overall gross, but he's not letting that ruin this moment of adoration for his newfound lover in bed. 

"i fucking love you."

"wow, i fucking love you too." 

you respond almost in a whisper, eyes never leaving the other. you both were too enamored by each other, failing to realize you were cock warming, yet again. sunset skies eventually transition to the night skies, and after another make-out session in the shower, atsumu insisted for you to stay the night. who’d say no to that? now, you both were laying in his bed; cuddling and talking about nonsense - besides the fact that you were now aware of each other's feelings. nothing was out of the ordinary. 

"nice to know that i make you cum so hard that you confessed you love me too," you chuckle, the image of his fucked out-state confessing would never leave your memory.

the male rolls his eyes as a chortle escapes his lips. atsumu wraps an arm under your waist while the other tucked away hair in the way of your eyes. "darlin', if you only knew how pretty you looked cryin' on my dick i wouldn't have stopped ya," he sighs with content, leaving open-mouthed kisses over your clavicle; tracing up to your jaw. 

"sure yer feelin' fine? ya were on the pill, right?"

"of course. wouldn't want another you running around," you replied, uttering another sigh of fulfillment, indulging the feel of his lips connecting onto your skin. you scoot closer to his side, an arm wrapped around his torso. 

"at least not yet.." you trail off, quite hesitant of his answer. this was all new to you; getting in a relationship with your friends with benefits? it sounds too good to be true - like a really good plot for a movie type of good.

atsumu perks up at this, an excited grin threatening to form on his lips. "soo.. yer sayin' ya do want another me runnin' round here?" he kisses your cheek, hugging you close to his chest. 

"mm, you takin' my last name doesn't sound too bad now, does it?" the thought of kids - hell, marriage itself wasn't a foreign thought in the pro player's mind. it was .. endearing, to say the least. he wasn't opposed to it. it would be nice, wouldn't it?

your cheeks were flushed red at his statement, the red and pink hues vivid even in the dimly lit room. "at least take me out on a proper date then i might consider," 

you teased, giggling at the evident pout on his face. "not gonna lie, miya (name) sounds nice.." you take his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers together, imagining your fingers adorned with rings. 

"say, what would we even tell our kids about how we met?" you question, head snapping towards atsumu’s direction as you heard a snort coming from him.

"oh yeah, it'd be a real kick knowin' their mum cried on daddy's cock durin' sex," he throws his head back as he howls, eyes crinkling from his own comment. 

"don't sweat it, babe. i ain't plannin' on marriage til' the right time.. maybe," he gazes up at the ceiling, now calming down as a content sigh leaves his mouth.

your eyes were set on his face, adoring his features; taking in every single detail - his eyes, his smile, his lips, his jawline, his hair - everything. you never would've thought that you’d meet the love of your life in the form of a 'friends with benefits' situation. it definitely wasn't the ideal way of ever meeting your significant other, but that's the charm of blindly falling in love. they fell in love for the good things, despite starting off for the wrong reasons. 

"i'm starting to get hungry. and no, i am not hungry for your dick." before he could even say anything, you cut him off, knowing him and his dirty jokes.

"i jest," he moves his arms, raising them in mock surrender. the blonde pulled away, sitting up as a hand flew up to cover the yawn that left his mouth. 

"well. whaddya wanna eat? it'll be my treat." for now, he'd settle on easing himself on this. this relationship. dating you. it's certainly a sight to get used to - you, laid in his bed, clad in his shirts that were a few sizes too big on your body. 

maybe in the near future, he'd have little (name)'s running around with his jersey's too.

GENERAL NSFW TAGLIST | @hakueishirei​ @pyblos​ @kxgeyamasmilk​ @kunimwuah @ideshine @janellion @kageyamasbabygorl @miyaosamoo @iinessa @levisackerwoman​ @yams046​ @rainyslvt​ @lightningsistxr​ 

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝒟𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓮 𝒪𝒻 𝒯𝒽𝓮 𝒟𝒶𝓂𝓃𝓮𝒹 (𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷!𝒮𝒶𝓃) 𝓡𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐷𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛! 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛 (𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧)/ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 (𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒)

𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝑆𝑚𝑢𝑡, 𝐴𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑡, 𝐹𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑦/𝐷𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛 𝐴𝑈

"𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝒂 𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒆...

𝑫𝒆𝒇𝒚 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒚, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔

𝑫𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍’𝒔 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔.."

-𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒓𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆: 𝑷𝒐𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑯𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑮𝒐𝒓𝒆

𝑹𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝑴𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

The young raven haired man strolled through the crowds of other guests, taking a glance or two whenever something seemed to catch his eyes. But those glances were only fleeting. There seemed to be nothing particularly interesting in any of them.

He took in the scene before him: long, glittering ball gowns spun around, either in tune to the orchestra playing or in a presumptuous effort to be shown off to others. The male specimen differed no greater than their female counterparts, often standing up straighter or running a hand down their expensive and delicately tailored suits, except they were willing to take it a step further and actually discuss how much they paid for it.

Foolish mortals

He scoffed as he studied each one of them. It was truly sickening to him how much humanity had reached its lowest point. More frequently than not, he noticed how humans more than ever were vain, prideful, arrogant, egotistic and disdainful of anything or anyone who wasn't them.

It wasn't entertaining anymore. He recalls a time many centuries ago when he would get a thrill out of corrupting the innocent, driving the wisest of beings into insanity, destroying picture perfect marriages and making the purest of souls fall into an abyss of sin and darkness.

What was the point of trying to do all that now when some of them are destined for destruction since the moment of their birth? It truly irritated him.

Sighing he picked up a glass of wine from one of the trays carried around by the many butlers, poor useless souls as he liked to refer to them. He sipped on the crimson liquid, it's alcoholic venom doing nothing to him even though it was probably his 13th one already.

13? Was it?

He lost count. He shrugged it off though. He could drink it as if it were pure water, his kind were immune to this substance unlike humanity.

He snorted when he'd look at certain people's masks. While most went all fancy and elegant, others decided to have fun and make sure their attire stood out, in the form of red or black masks, adorned with either fangs, horns and overall rather gruesome or grotesque visages. Clearly they were meant to represent none other than his fellow kindred. He scoffed at their personification of him.

"Damnable bastards. If only you knew we are some of the most beautiful creatures to walk next to you....."

Perhaps that's the main reason why they all, man or woman, no matter their age, education or social status, end up ensnared by them. They were irresistible.

He was about to walk out of the hall, bored out of his non-existent soul, when a small titter caught his ears. Turning his face towards the sound, his breath was caught at the sight of an ethereal looking woman. His eyes scanned her from head to toe. She was absolutely perfect: from her luscious (enter color) hair, to her satin smooth skin, all the way down the her tempting figure. Her scarlet colored dress was impeccably on her, the deep plunge in the chest decorated with sequins and rhinestones daring men to not gaze at her cleavage. The waistline was fitted and then fanned out to accentuate her captivating body. Anyone would think this lady was sin itself, she certainly looked the part.

But San knew better. He could see and feel the aura around her. She was wholly pure, absolutely nothing to signify that she'd been stained or deemed unclean. She was simply an overly sheltered girl who no doubt wanted to fit in, be regarded as a mundane person like the rest of them.

Absolutely perfect if you asked him.

He sauntered in her direction, his devilish smirk plastered on his face. Sensing a pair of eyes, she tilted her head and made contact with the demon, now unable to look away from his alluring gaze. Even through the mask covering half of his face, she knew he was the most handsome man she'd ever see, albeit she'd never seen a lot of men in her life anyway.

Inexperienced and naive as she was, she let him stand next to her and take her hand. Lifting it up to his lips, he introduced himself:

"Choi San. Pleased to make your acquaintance my fair lady."

Delicately, he placed a kiss to her fingers, before releasing them from his hold. His touch was cold, but it sent a burning sensation up her entire arm and she found herself longing for his touch again almost instantly.

"L/N Y/N..." She replied in a voice that was merely above a whisper.

"A truly befitting name for such an angelic lady."

He chuckled to himself at his use of the word. If he was successful, which he always was, by the end of the night, there'd be nothing angelic left about her.

He extended his arm out towards her.

"May I have the pleasure of requesting the next dance?"

He made it a point to flash his dimples, knowing they only added to his charm and rendered women unable to refuse him. She stood up and linked her arm in his. He felt a shiver when she touched him, a feeling he only felt when his kind were in the proximity of a pure soul. It was precisely what he'd been craving for who knows how long. Definitely more than a hundred years since the last time he felt such a presence.

He guided her to the dance floor, the other couples already in position. If there was anything San prided himself on, it was his dancing. He's had years of experience to learn almost every dance that had been created, not only because it added to his attractiveness, but because it truly was one of the few mundane things he thoroughly enjoyed.

He especially loved the waltz they were currently playing. Waltzes were so elegant, refined, polished and were perfect when seducing someone. Intense eye contact, hands intertwined and his arm pulling her close to him, he could see a glimpse of the light blush peeking out underneath her ebony mask. She was flustered, exactly how he wanted her. They were practically gliding across the dance floor, perfectly in tune with the music playing.

"Did you come alone?" San decided it was time to strike up a conversation before going for the kill.

Y/N simply nodded, looking down somewhat ashamed. Instantly he knew she was probably not supposed to be here in the first place.

Interesting detail.

"Tired of sitting at home all bored?" He raised an eyebrow at her, but already knowing the answer.

"Can you tell?" She asked, wondering if he could read her mind.

"Well..... I can tell a lot of things about you..."

Releasing his hold on her waist, he lifted his hand to spin her around before bringing her back into his embrace, now closer than before.

"Things like what?" She wanted him to elaborate.

He hummed along to the music, making her impatient for his answer.

"Like..... how you want something exciting to happen tonight. Your eyes are practically for something, anything, that contrasts the dull life you've lived so far..."

She widened her eyes when he spoke those words. Was she that easy to read? That a mere stranger could notice that about her?

"And your countenance only serves to confirm my theory." He finished.

She sighed softly and loosened her grip on him, wanting to walk away, but he only tightened his hold on her. He smirked at her and leaned in, whispering dangerously close to her lips:

"Why don't you let me open up a new world for you?"

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

The girl fluttered her eyes open, soft blissful pants escaping her lips. It had been a while since they left the mansion, where San took her to what she assumed was his place. Ruby red walls with matching velvet carpet, umber brown furniture, candles in every corner being the only illuminating feature in the dark room. The only exception was the bed. It was a pitch black color with white sheets and blanket.

Her dress had long been discarded in one of the chairs in the room, the only article clothing her at the moment being her cream colored garter belt with matching thigh high stockings. San thought they looked absolutely adorable on her. The visual only heightened his need to claim her, to corrupt her, to stain her forever with his unholy mark.

He was currently in between her legs, his mouth attached to her heat. Purple blotches were already decorating her inner thighs, courtesy of his teeth. He swirled his tongue around her clit before sucking down on it. He moaned and that action alone made her thighs tremble and close around his head. But he was having none of that. His hands pushed her thighs apart again, nails digging into her petal soft skin as he continued to ravish and feast on her succulent taste.

"S-San...wait...feels f-funny...." She stuttered out after a few minutes.

He knew exactly what she was referring to: she had about to have an orgasm. As much as he'd love to see her come undone on his tongue alone, he made an effort to pull himself back before the feeling got too intense. She let out a whine of frustration and looked at him with a puzzled look, unsure of what was happening.

San ran his thumb across her lip.

"Don't worry darling. I told you I'll open up a new world for you..

And I always keep my promises."

Unzipping his pants, he pushed them down his legs and threw them onto the floor. He smirked as he took in Y/N's astonishment as she gaped at his nude form, or more specifically, at his thick and long length. She seemed to hesitate for a minute, no doubt intimidated by his size, wondering how was that supposed to fit in her.

Climbing on top of her, he placed a reassuring kiss to her temple.

"I'll take good care of you darling...trust me."

His lips captured hers in a hungry kiss. His tongue slipped inside and danced around her mouth, almost like the waltz from hours before. His hands went to the back of her thighs, lifting them up and wrapping them around his waist. He lifted his hips up slowly, the tip of his cock pressing against her folds. He began slipping inside her, going inch by inch so she could get adjusted to the feeling, not wanting to scare her.

Although it took a lot in him to not just pound into her as he wished to.

She wrapped her thighs tighter around his waist, the foreign and stinging feeling of his intrusion causing her to hiss and cry out a little. San peppered kisses across her jaw and neck in an effort to soothe the pain, while his hands drew circles around her thighs. He stayed still until he felt her relax under him. She looked back at him, her face asking what to do now.

"I'm going to start moving now ok? Just relax and let yourself go."

He pulled out of her in a speed that was torturous to him. Then he slowly pushed himself back in, watching as she took deep breaths and looked down at where their bodies connected. The more she looked at him pushing in and out, the more it helped to relax and put her at ease. San knew it too. Her at first raspy breathing turned to soft, melodious moaning.

His hips snapped up and began rolling at a faster pace, causing his cock to hit the perfect angle in her. Her breath hitched and she gasped when the overwhelming feeling in her stomach started to return, building up inside her, threatening to be released any second now.

The demon could feel it too. He's had years of experience to know what her body was doing. He watched as her face contorted, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Sa-San..." She called out, trying to warn him.

He smirked at her.

"I know, I can feel you clenching around me. You feel so good. I can't wait to feel you cum on my immense cock."

His dirty talking only served to have her whine underneath him. His hand reached down and began toying with her nipple.

"So come on babygirl, let me feel you burst. I know you can do it.....

Give it to me."

He commanded those last words to her and just like he knew would happen, she shuddered under his body, her first orgasm in her entire life taking over her, a soft pathetic whimper being the only noise she could muster. It wasn't anything too loud or over the top, as San pretty much expected. It was her first time.

Besides.....there was plenty of time to have her scream his name.

He kissed her nose and smiled.

"You did so well darling. I'm so proud of you."

She blushed at his compliments. San pulled out of her, a proud evil grin plastered on his face as he noticed the sticky trail that dripped out of her onto the sheets: a few droplets of blood signifying he had deflowered her.

Now to corrupt her even more.

He picked her body up and spun her around, making her get down on all fours as he gripped her hips once again.

"Now it's my turn to have a little fun."

She let out a loud moan when he entered her for the second time, her body still sensitive from her first orgasm. San didn't bother to go slow anymore, he knew she could take it. He thrusted in and out of her at an inhuman speed, low moans and hisses coming out of his mouth.

"Fuck! I can feel you getting close again beautiful, your pussy is so fucking tight, it's practically swallowing my cock."

He chuckled when he felt her clench even tighter around him.

"Oh you like that don't you? You like being told you're nothing but a cockslut?"

She hid her face in the pillow in front of her, trying to hide the groan that just past through her throat. San however grabbed her by the hair and pulled her face back up.

"Answer me you little whore."

She yelped when his hand landed a harsh smack to her ass.

"Y-yes San!"

He smacked her once again before pulling her even more roughly and pressing her back to his chest.

"Right now it's Master. Got it you filthy slut?" He growled into her ear.

"Yes Master!" She cried out.

"Good little whore." He praised her.

He continued his merciless pounding, one of his hands trailing down her abdomen to rub her now swollen and pink clit. Y/N now had a few tears rolling down her cheeks from the overstimulation and she hung her head low.

"Uh uh little slut. None of that."

His free hand wrapped around her neck, forcing her to look up. He tilted her slightly to the right so she could see their sinful reflection in the mirror by the wall.

"Look at you. You look so fucking desperate, wanting to cum again on my cock. Is that what you want? To cum on master's cock? Then beg for it."

Y/N let out a series of whimpers, collecting all the strength she could to cry out:

"Please master! I want to cum, let me cum on your cock!"

San was loving this. It had been so long since he had such an innocent thing begging for him.

"How bad do you want it darling? Does Master's cock make you feel that good?" He teased her.

"Please Master I want it so bad! It feels so good, please don't stop!" Her words were barely incoherent now from how overwhelmed with pleasure she was.

Having being satisfied by her answer, he squeezed her throat, causing her to gasp and writhe her body as her second orgasm took over, far more intense than the first. He never slowed down his pace therefore making her convulse even more violently and shriek out a chant of his name, further heightening his pride and ego.

Very soon after, he cursed loudly as he reached his own climax, his cock spurting out his cum inside her, filling her up with his sinful load. She collapsed on the bed, worn out by the physical intimacy that just took place. San chucked darkly when not even a minute later she was completely passed out. That always happened. Humans couldn't handle having intercourse with a demon, they were practically insatiable and always passed out after a night with them.

Pulling the blanket to cover her, San ran his fingers through her hair. He admired her features for a few minutes. She was really beautiful, an ethereal beauty that only came once every century. Even in her now corrupted and tainted state, she was still the most alluring person he'd ever seen, and he's seen even angels themselves.

Now he knew he wanted her all to himself, completely for him and for no one else to own. He wasn't going to allow anyone to take her from him. He didn't have to worry about celestial beings claiming her, they wouldn't want her now. But other demons might want her.....

Getting up he opened a drawer and took out something he'd never imagine using in any lifetime. But there was always a first time for everything. He held up the gold contraption in his hand before letting it set over one of the flames from the various candles in the room. Once he made sure it was hot enough, he approached Y/N quietly.

It's a good thing she wouldn't wake up for a couple hours....

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Y/N squinted, trying to let her eyes adjust to the lighting. She felt a dull aching in her lower abdomen and legs, reminding her of the events that took place last night. She looked around, seeing that she was still at San's place, but he was nowhere to be found. She sat up and rubbed her shoulder, feeling some sort of burning and stinging pain.

She paused when she looked at the mirror and noticed something on the back of her shoulder. Getting up and trying her hardest to walk with her limp, she went to the mirror and turned slightly to the left. She froze when there was a bright red mark on her upper back in the shape of a pentagram with the letter 'S' in the middle of it.

She started freaking out. Was this some kind of joke? Where was San?

"Well good morning my dear."

Speaking of the devil, he appeared right behind her, making her whip around and face him.

"Did you do this?" She asked, pointing to the mark.

"I did. I think it really suits you." He smiled proudly.

"Why? Why would you do this?"

"Why you ask? It's simple."

He took a few steps forward. Leaning in, he gripped her chin.

"Because you're mine now and I own you."

She scoffed at his words, repulsed that he could do this.

"You're insane." She spat out.

"I've been called worse." He sat up straight again.

Y/N marched over to the chair on the other side and began grabbing her clothes.

"And just where do you think you're doing?" San crossed his arms in front of him.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving."

He let out a hearty laugh at that.

"Leaving? Oh no sweetheart. You're not leaving. You can't leave me." He told her.

"Yeah? Watch me."

She pushed him out of her way and headed for the door, but before she could reach for the handle, San appeared right in front of her out of thin air, causing her to step back in fear.

"What the-" She exclaimed.

"Let me repeat myself darling..."

San began to take steps towards her as she began to slowly retreat from him.

"I own you. You can't leave because you're mine now. I marked you so no one else takes you from me, in other words..."

He slammed his hand against the wall behind her when they reached it. She watched in horror as his dark orbs shifted into a fiery red color that burned deep in her soul.

"You're bound to me for all eternity...... and now you're a part of my world....and there's no turning back..."

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

[cosmiclatte28]

Guns and Roses (Assassinator Yuta x you)

A quicky imagine scenario i am trying to challenge myself  (4 am thoughts)

a/n ; mentions of killing, a killing demand, and much assassinator related. do not follow anything written here, it’s pure fiction and I don’t recommend you to read if those topics do not suit your taste. Mentions of rape, sorry but please do not force yourself to read this. 

The theme is a bit dark but it’s basically fluff I guess- idk you name it after reading (just be sure you are not bothered by the warning)

no tags because this theme is sort of the darkest I made (said the girl who tried to make a superm mafia au in wattpad please check them out lol, but anyways it’s me trying new genre tell me if i should stop because this suck)

---- 

You curled up beside the red-raven haired man laying down on the bed next to yours. 

With a wild grin, you crawl on top of his well built strong body and plant a small kiss on his cheek. 

“Do you know how much I love you?” 

He sighs and opens his eyes “Who do you want dead this time?” 

You chuckle, “Do you think I only say that when I need you to kill someone? Am I that cold hearted , Yuta?”

Yuta, the best private assassinator who was first sent to kill you but instead fell for you, gently roll you over his body so you were under him.

“Listen, as much as I hate to admit it, yes you are cold hearted. You asked me to finish a lot of people honey.” his soft gaze falls to your eyes. 

Your lips tremble, “So are you not going to help me?” 

He closes his eyes one more time and shakes his head, “You shouldn’t mess with this job-”

he taught you on how to be a great assassinator, Yuta saw the potential in your soul when he was ordered to finish you that one cold night. He remembered your fierce bravery to not simply accept death. 

“I will go and finish them by myself then-” you blurt out the words with emotion. 

Yuta holds your hand and pins you down on the bed before you can leave the bed full of emotion, “Listen, who are they I will finish it for you.” he sounds hopelessly strict but still soft and caring. 

You throw your gaze to the other side, “My parents.” 

Yuta groans, “Not them, we’ve talked about this.” 

You shake your head, “They have tortured me Yuta! They sent you to kill me, just because I- I-” your lips trembled and you cannot finish your sentence. 

Yuta quickly falls to your side and pulls you into a hug, he runs a hand through your back and caresses your hair. “You don’t have to talk about it if it only brings pain to you.” 

You bite your lips and suck your tears up. “They were ashamed of me, if it was - not for that unfortunate night... It- it was rape! I didn’t want it.” your red eyes look into his calm but painful eyes. 

Yuta kisses your temple, “I know, I know it is hard for you...” 

“They locked me up in the attic, they pretended I was not their family, they wanted to kill me slowly but because I- I don’t know why I still live with that condition- they sent you to kill me. How can I forgive them?! Shouldn’t they offer me a safe place after that horrible traumatic incident.” your hand slowly hits his sturdy chest constantly. 

Yuta remembers clearly the night he was ordered to kill you, he saw your small fragile dying body on the cold street, running an errand to buy some groceries, Yuta thought this was gonna be quick and clean, but he couldn’t bring his finger to pull the trigger when he sees how pained yet afraid you were in the cold lonely world. 

So he did what he never even expected himself to do, faked your death and brought you into his secret house. You were trained to protect yourself but Yuta kept maximum security around you. 

“They are still your parents, you cannot finish them.” he whispers to your ear. 

“I hate them, and I hate you for not allowing me to finish them.” 

“No honey, I will never let you! Those clean hands should never have blood on them, even worse your own family’s.” he gently takes your hands into his, giving it a small squeeze and kisses the knuckles lightly.

“I also will not do your wish, you were emotional and you will regret this choice. Trust me, I’ve seen people regret  their choices and I don’t want that to happen to you. Now, if you want, I can make you some hot chocolate drinks and we can cuddle for the night.” Yuta pulls you to stand up. 

Your face still shows no emotion, but Yuta pulls you up and carries you to the kitchen. 

“I know I cannot heal your heart,  but I hope this warm chocolate can at least make you feel better tonight.” Yuta stirs the small spoon in the warm glass and hands it to you. 

You gulp it down and your tension goes down, you suddenly cry and Yuta lets you have your time. He only sits across you while giving you the tissues to wipe your tears. 

Once you don’t have tears left, you look at him and he smiles “Better?” 

You nod “Can I go to the beach tomorrow? I want to let my stress out.” 

Yuta nods in a heart beat, his hand extends to tuck your hair away from your face “We can! I am free this week.” He lies to you without doubt. 

Tonight he actually had to do a task, but seeing you like this made him stay back. After all your safety and feeling come first, he would blame himself if you ever did something so silly both of you will regret. 

“Don’t lie, I saw your planner you actually have one tonight.” you speak slowly between hiccups of your sobs. 

Yuta smiles “I’ll accompany you to bed and wait for you now until you are calm, then I’ll think of a way. Don’t worry about me.” 

Your smile come back to your face just a little but its there “Thank you Yuta, I am glad you stopped me, you’re right I may regret my decisions.” 

He leans over to kiss your lips, “I know the feeling darling, don’t hesitate to let your emotions out okay. Now do you want to sleep or you want to do something?” 

You pull his hand to follow you to the bed, “Cuddle me please?” 

He giggles “One cuddle coming through, my princess.”

--

“Stop staring,”  you say as you yawn while waking up from your deep sleep.

Yuta quirks his eyebrow, “I am not staring.” 

You groan “Yes you are not, you’re gawking over me...” you move your body to face him. Judging by how neat his hair is and his body is covered with another tee shirt, you knew Yuta has been awake for long. 

“Did you finish it?” You ask

He smiles “I did not do the last task. I resigned from the company, I decided to stoop doing this.” 

You want to question him why, but you know he has his own reasons and he will tell you once he is ready. For now, you will just accept his choices, for Yuta is the better one in making choices. 

“What are you going to do then?” you look up into his pretty face. 

“I will enjoy a break and maybe start my own flower shop.” 

You scoff “From assassinator to a florist! You really have many surprises.”

He kisses your lips quick, “Both are sexy, and you know I love flowers.” 

You roll your eyes, “Whatever, I love you!” 

He grins, “Do you want me to make you a bouquet now?” 

You laugh, “Did you always associate my i love you with a request of your job?!” 

He shrugs his shoulder, ‘I don’t know, you’re hard to understand!” 

You flick his head “Say that again and I’ll finish you.” 

He rolls over on top of you and his eyes glint with lust “Not before I finish you.” he licks his lips and winks to you. 

end

[ditttiii]

Of Caresses & Promises | jjk | m.

Summary: You love your husband and you know that he loves you just as much, if not more. But sometimes, you can’t help but feel like he could do better—better than you. (Jungkook x Reader)

Genre: Smut, Angst (light), Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Smut, and one curse word? (18+)

Word count: 2k+

The ballroom that you were standing in was huge. The white marble floor was polished to the point that you could see your reflection gazing back at you. It was gorgeous, the party that you were in, a success in the books.

However you couldn't bring yourself to enjoy it, none of the extravagant galore around you could take your mind away from what you had heard all night. Whispers, snide comments–taunts thrown your way. They thought you couldn't hear them, or maybe they knew. Maybe they wanted you to hear them. 

You fold further inside your shell, your shyness taking over as your insecurities rear their ugly heads. You have always been more on the quieter spectrum, oftentimes whispering your opinions because you were too afraid of making others around you mad. But you had been getting better, slowly and steadily coming out of your shell. 

But tonight, you felt like you were back to square one. You don't fully understand why that is either, maybe because those taunts hit wounds that still hadn't healed fully. The scabs of your insecurities are still too fresh—too raw to be prodded like that.

The drive back to your home is quiet. Unusually quiet. While you have always been shy and a little silent, that is never the case when around your husband. Jungkook keeps stealing glances at you, his eyes furrowed and his lips downturned into that pout that you love so much. 

Jeon Jungkook. The CEO of one of the biggest tech companies in the world, the youngest self-made billionaire and your husband. Your loving, caring, sweetheart of a husband, who you love with all of your heart and soul. 

You don't want to worry him, you hate doing that. His workload already gives him enough stress and worries as it is, you never want to add to it too. But you can't bring yourself to say anything—can't reassure him that you are alright because you're not. Your heart hurts and you can't help but compare yourself to those other girls. The ones who flipped their hair flawlessly and sashayed across the ballroom as though they owned it—as if Jeon Jungkook was their husband and not yours. 

Too lost in your self-deprecating thoughts you fail to notice as your husband takes one last glance at you, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel before he presses the accelerator further.

You are unlocking the door and pushing it open when a hand slams down beside your head and pulls it back close, then proceeds to wrap itself around yours, over the handle. You can feel Jungkooks warm breath hit the nape of your neck, his palm—warm around yours, while the faint scent of his cologne wafts over to your nose. 

"Does this have anything to do with what bullshit those women were spewing tonight?" 

You stiffen as you hear him growl those words out. Of course, he knew, he always knew. Hiding anything from your husband was simply put–impossible. So really, you shouldn't be surprised to hear him say that. He had probably deduced the reason behind your sudden aloofness before and was only now mentioning it.

You just nod without turning around or looking over your shoulder at him, too ashamed and too afraid. You know that he loved you, but some part of you—can't help—but ponder over the fact that even though you are good, maybe you are not good enough. 

You are snapped out of your thoughts when you feel Jungkook kiss the nape of your neck. His lips grazing against the soft skin of your neck, touching the bone there as his breath ghosts over your skin and gives you goosebumps. A shudder runs through you as you feel his hand slide away from your wrist, over your arms, and lower and towards the thigh-high slit of your dress. 

You push open the door when you feel his other hand start to inch higher, your husband at times could be impatient and you would rather not give your neighbors a show, but before you can turn around and reprimand him, Jungkook is already pulling you up in his arms, bridal style, and carrying you towards your bedroom.

Your back hits the soft sheets of your bed and your mattress bounces under your weight as Jungkook crawls over—closer to you. Once his face is levelled with yours, he places his arms on either side of your head and locks his gaze with yours.

Your breath hitches as you look into his eyes. His shimmery, beautiful, doe-like eyes that look like they shelter the entire universe inside of them. Your eyes trace the angry crinkles around his eyes and all you want to do is rub them away and turn them into happy crinkles. 

"Y/N I don't care about what they say, I will never care about what they say. You know why? It's because—they. don't. matter. I love you, and I will always love you. You are perfect just the way you are and I wouldn't change a single thing about you," He says before he bends down closer and now you can feel him breathing, his breaths mingle with yours, and he continues, "Baby don't ever let the opinions of irrelevant people get to you. To me, you are the most precious thing in this entire world and it kills me to see you get hurt like this."

Your eyes blur with tears as you hear him talk. He had never given you the impression that he was ashamed of you or that he would rather you act some other way—be someone else. No, that has always been your doing. 

You nod, too chocked up to try and form any words and bring your hands up to cup his face, cradling it softly, before you slide your fingers to his scalp and run your fingers through his hair���dragging your nails, with just enough force. He loves it when you do that and the answering groan only makes you smile. 

Jungkook finally closes the distance between you two and kisses you. His lips interlock with yours, caressing them softly, gently—like the two of you have all the time in the world to memorize the feel of the other on your lips. He kisses you softly with all the love that he has for you, then with a bit more desperation. Tongues clash and your breaths mingle as he fists his hands in your hair and gives them a soft tug—dragging a breathy moan out of you.

Sliding his hands under the straps of your dress, he slowly inches it down your body. The feel of the smooth silk and his touch enough to give you goosebumps all over. He follows the descent of the dress, leaving butterfly kisses in his wake before he finally reaches the bottom and yanks your dress off. The heels that you were wearing, quickly follow. 

He rises and unbuttons his shirt and your eyes can't help but follow the motion. You have seen him shirtless before, countless times, but the sight never fails to make your breath hitch. His built, well-defined body was sculpted like Adonis, perfect in ways that a human shouldn't be.

He crawls closer to you, on all his fours as his fingers lightly trace your skin, then settles himself between your spread legs. You groan and try to arch into him, but he holds you down by holding both of your wrists above your head. 

He runs his free hand along the side of your body—softly, with a feather-light touch, and you shudder, before he softly nuzzles the underside of your ear. His thumbs stroke your wide cheekbones, his fingers tangle in your hair, finding the edges of your ears, the tender spot where the jaw meets the neck, the soft indentation underneath your chin. You moan as you feel his warm breaths hit the sensitive skin of your neck and you struggle to free your hands, you want to run them over his back, touch him–please him, just like he pleases you, but he doesn't let up and only tightens his hand further. 

"Jungkooook," you whine as you shift restlessly under him, a groan makes its way out of your throat when you feel his hardness slide over your wetness, only covered by the thin material of your panties and his pants. 

"Not now love, tonights about you," he whispers and soft lips form the words over your skin before he pushes down and grinds into you. Your back arches as you feel his lips suck the sensitive skin of your neck. You feel as his tongue glides over you—leaving a warm, wet trail behind before he latches onto one of your nipples and sucks. You moan and arch, pushing into him–giving into him. 

Jungkook alternates between sucking and kissing both your nipples, as he gives you all the attention that you desire. Before long you can feel your wetness seeping, the burn in your lower belly simmers and spreads, demanding to be relieved. 

He releases you with a pop sound, your nipples now tender and raw after his ministrations, pebble as the cool air of the room hits them. He then kisses down your stomach leisurely, pausing and blowing hot warm puffs of air over the wetness left behind by his kisses and you mewl.

The feel of his lips tugging into a grin is not lost on you and you just arch, grinding yourself into him and letting out your own satisfied grin when you hear him curse as he chokes back a moan of his own.

Once at the apex of your thighs, he reaches down and tugs your panties off, leaving you bare. By now you are panting—warm, wet, and desperately needy for his touch. 

He presses his lips to your slit in a soft kiss, and you groan, letting go of the breath you’d been holding. Your hands fist the sheets under you as you try not to buckle. But, as soon as his tongue slips between your folds, curious and hungry for a taste, you buckle. 

Jungkook holds you down as he continues to eat you out. Licking and sucking at the sensitive skin of your folds and clit. His warm breaths over your even more heated folds—leave you a shivering, whimpery mess. 

After years of being together, he knows exactly how to get you off but he doesn't let you come. Instead, he takes you to the edge, where your sighs turn into loud groans and then backs off, leaving you at the edge—aching for a release. 

Your eyes are closed, breaths coming out as pants when you hear the long rasp of a zipper. You open your eyes as you feel Jungkook lay back over you, on his elbows, holding his weight to not crush you and you rise to kiss him. Your breaths merge and his tongue reaches out to yours, dancing around you, reaching inside of you—caressing you. You breathe him in as he breathes you in and you are suddenly one—your presence, a unity bright enough to illuminate all of the darkness inside you. His caresses, his kisses, his soft sighs, and loud groans touch parts of you, no one before him ever could. 

Your bent leg presses against the outside of his thigh, and you slide your hands down his back, feel the way his muscles ripple under your touch, and you pull him closer. 

Jungkook draws back just far enough that you can focus on his face, see its defined shape, the tousled dark hair, those beautiful lips, dark brows shadowing even darker chocolate brown eyes—brimming with fondness and love for you. 

His eyes search yours and you feel yourself slipping in, getting lost inside the warm, comforting abyss that is your husbands eyes.

When he finally enters you, warm and firm and filling parts of you that no one but he can fill, you moan—unabashed and loud, breathy yet free. 

He rocks into you, and your legs wrap around his narrow, perfect waist—squeezing, pushing, pulling him in. Deeper with each thurst, he drives you to the brink of ecstasy and then pushes you over. Your toes curl, and your vision turns white as you feel pulse after pulse of pure euphoria flow through your veins. Your hands fist in between his silky soft strands as he rocks himself to completion, and you feel him come inside of you with a loud, deep, guttural groan. Filling you up, completing you—marking you as his and his alone. 

"I love you." you whisper into Jungkooks hair and wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, not letting him out just yet.

"I love you too." you hear him say before he closes the distance between you two again and kisses you, lips mingling, tongues dancing as he rocks into you again, and you both grin as you tighten your legs around him more, pushing him in deeper—Again. 

A/N: Originally requested by an anon. This is my first smut ever and I am equally excited and terrified of posting this. 

Please leave me your feedback in the Comments or Asks or Reblogs and let me know what you thought. This took me three days to write and I came too close to bashing my head against a wall one too many times. So I would really really appreciate knowing your thoughts! Thank-you for reading, Much Love <3 

[hankwritten]

Disapprobation

Demoman/Soldier, 3k Warnings: Mild Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia

n. Moral disapproval; condemnation. Tavish’s life has a lot of shouldn’ts

Tavish’s life has a lot of shouldn’ts

For instance, he really shouldn’t be risking life and limb to meet up and have drinks with some barmy American he met at a projectile weapons convention. He shouldn’t be breaching contract over a bloke who’s got so many screws loose he could open up a hardware store, shouldn’t be sneaking around when the best case scenario is a few good laughs and the worst case scenario is losing a multi-million dollar salary.

He shouldn’t keep his lunch in the same place he keeps his potassium chloride. He shouldn’t drink so much, but he’s heard that one so many times anyway it’s hard to pay attention to. The voice of self-preservation is constant and buzzing, putting a churning in his gut, reminding him that he could be making friends with folks who aren’t a walking death sentence. He shouldn’t be going out for ribs. He shouldn’t be accepting invites to Las Vegas for the furlough.

He definitely shouldn’t be pressed into the mattress, another man’s tongue in his mouth.

The hotel bed creaks as Jane kisses him harder, and he thinks, oh god he wishes he could just not think. Their bodies are hot pressed against each other, their fancy jackets gone for the evening as they’re down to their undershirts as insubstantial barriers between skin on skin. Jane is heavy on top of him, and he shouldn’t like how that feels, to be held down while he and his best friend suck the air out of each other’s lungs. Jane has each of his wrists pinned to the sheets, and he shouldn’t like that either, how Jane’s taken control, how Tavish is slowly letting himself come undone.

There’s this plop at the loss of suction as Jane lifts his lips off Tavish’s and onto the Demoman’s neck, whisper-hissing, begging, praying, “Tav, Tavish. Oh god Tav.”

It’s slippery where time is now and where it was minutes ago before he was like this, before he was craving Jane's everything. It happened because they were laughing or maybe fighting or maybe…no they just tripped. They tripped and Jane landed on Tavish, and it wasn’t different at first. It just knocked the wind out of him. It wasn’t until Jane was chuckling and trying to push himself up that they had stopped, that they’d locked eyes and Jane’s smile had slowly fallen away, a mask lifted to something underneath. It was hunger, small and fiery at first when Jane’s eyes openly raked Tavish’s body, not disguising the fact as they took in his state of undress since—unlike Jane—Tavish had been successful at getting out of his dress pants. The hunger had grown hotter, burned brighter, a bonfire as someone kept shoveling more on, and Tavish drank in being looked at like a dying man in the desert. He’d never been desired like that, not in his entire life, and when Jane finished his tour of Tavish’s body he couldn’t suppress the hitch in his breath when their eyes finally met again.

He’d swallowed when Jane leaned closer. He’d closed his eye as Jane had pressed that first, tentative kiss against him.

Now his back arches, shoving his stomach up into the human canopy above him. His nipples are hard and he didn’t know they were so damn sensitive until they scrape against the solid plane of Jane’s chest and he whimpers. He shouldn’t be doing that either. He’s a damn mercenary, a Demoman, and he shouldn’t...

“God Tavish,” Jane’s muttering in his mouth in-between rough kisses. “I fucking. I love you. Want you so damn bad.”

And Jane must be a fucking mind reader because those words are a switch in Tavish’s brain. He can’t censor the moan that comes out of him, no matter how weak, how pathetic he sounds as his hips jerk upwards. Jane is moving his arms, and it takes him a second to notice that Jane is taking time to pin down both his hands with one of his own, and his free one now slides down until it can toy with the edge of Tavish’s undershirt.

“Jane…”

It’s the only thing he’s said in ages. He shouldn’t be saying anything at all, let alone confessing what’s coursing through his system, revealing how I want you isn’t quite right but I want you to want me is just so damn conceited. So the only thing he can do is breathe Jane’s name in a plea.

The roaming hand snakes up under his tank, the pretense of attire gone as the too-cold fingers press against unbearably hot flesh. Jane further displays his mind reading powers tweaking Tavish’s nipple with his thumb, clawing out another gurgle from the Demoman.

It’s so dangerously similar now, edging so close to fear, the shouldn’ts piling in his head as his breath increases. He tries to lift his arms and can’t. He tries clear his mind and can’t. He tries to make his voice behave where his body will not, as Jane’s knee begins to move up-

“Jane,” he yelps, only this time he says it in panic as his eye snaps open and he jerks upward. “Shit Jane- shit we need to stop. We’ll- shit.”

Jane freezes. The constriction around Tavish’s wrists lessons, and then disappears entirely and Jane rears back onto his haunches. Tavish wriggles until he’s against the headboard, panting heavily.

“Holy shit,” he coughs.

“You alright Tav?” Jane is looking sideways at him, but not in the way Tavish is expecting. The expression on his face is inscrutable.

“No. No! Of course not, we almost just-” The ghost of Jane’s body is on him, the memory of seconds ago where his hand was so close to Tavish’s waistband. He tries to shake it away. “If I hadn’t said something just now, we would have both crossed some damn lines.”

“Uh. Yeah. Probably.”

Tavish looks up and is bludgeoned upside the head with understanding. He realizes why Jane’s expression is so damn weird: he’s not ashamed. He’s not ashamed in the slightest.

“Jane,” Tavish says cautiously. “You know why we can’t do this, right?”

This when they’re still half-undressed on the bed together, breathless and sweating and the only thing keeping them back is Tavish’s self control. No one else’s. He’s alone at the wheel and Jane’s only refraining out of personal respect, not any sense of how screwed they are.

Jane squints at him. Thinking hard, peering deep into the soul he sometimes claims a RED can’t have, (and at the next drunken moment declaring that if it existed, it would be the purest, bravest soul in the damn world.) “Because you are…no longer in the mood?”

“Because we’re in enough trouble as it is!” Tavish throws up his hands. “Do you know how bloody condemned we are? Already RED and BLU can catch wind of us at any moment, I can’t go into half the places you can in this blasted country, and we want to add shagging each other in our Vegas hotel room to that bloody list?”

Jane’s forehead wrinkles, his features that Tavish has only ever seen go soft in the past few minutes now toughening up again. “Were you not…wanting that?”

“Fuck, Jane of course I wanted it,” the admission falls out too quickly. Too late to grab back and saying it aloud is its own line crossed. Having already failed to keep it packed down, he tries to at least get to his point. “I just shouldn’t.”

Jane stares at him blankly.

“Right. Of course.” Tavish presses the heel of his palm against his forehead. “Look at who I’m talking to here. Man who’s never suppressed an impulsive urge in his life.”

“It is not an impulse Tav.” Jane almost sounds…offended. Or something like it, as though he's irritated he has to make such an obvious correction. “It’s not an impulse if I’ve thought about doing it nearly every day since I’ve met you.”

That desire, that hunger Tavish had seen. He knows Jane has looked at him before, can now recognize it for what it was, those eyes flickering at him sometimes with the smolder beneath. It feels unwarranted. He feels undeserving, that Jane has been fancying him for months, and he diverts, “if that’s what you want, there’s a lot better sheep in the field.”

Jane narrows his eyes. “Gross.”

“Ach it’s an expression-” Tavish huffs. “Look, if men are to your tastes, you can find a hookup that’s a lot less dangerous. You don’t have to lower your standards just because I’m…around.”

“My tastes?” Jane scoffs. “What do you know about my tastes, DeGroot? Every time we go to the pier, you get me the wrong flavor of ice cream—even when I tell you exactly what kind to get.”

“I told you lad, they were out of ro-”

“My tastes,” Jane carries on, “are rocky road and handsome Scotsmen. So you can take that to the bank and sign it.” Jane crosses his arms.

A new, cool feeling runs down Tavish’s spine, the freezer-burn of fluster. “Jane,” he groans, running his hands over his scalp, craning his neck backwards until Jane finally falls out of his vision. “You’re not making this any easier.”

“I don’t understand why it’s can’t be easy. I love you. You, uh…” Jane trails off. “Like me. I think.”

Not since they stopped groping each other has Tavish wanted to touch him this bad, to assure him that he wants what Jane had given him, wants his hands, his mouth, to feel him again-

Tavish lets out a strangled cough, hard minutes of trying to cool off down the drain. Jane notices his state, the dilatation in his eye, and that only adds to his embarrassment. “Ach, please Jane. It’s not that simple. I just need you to listen, just a few minutes.”

“Fine. I will listen. But then you have to listen while I tell you what I think.”

Tavish allows it. He starts, “doing...” He waves his hand, disturbing the humid air between their still cooling bodies. “This, would be risky. More dangerous than anything we’ve ever done.”

“Un. Like. Ly,” Jane scoffs. “We’ve been sneaking around for ages by this point, and we’re damn good at it. Face it maggot, you didn’t want retreat with your tail between your legs until sloppy makeouts came into the picture.”

Tavish folds his arms. “I was thinking about it before then too. That we should break it off.”

“Ah bub bub bub!” Jane points out gleefully.

“It’s ‘bup bup bup’.”

“Quiet. You thought about it, but you didn’t actually do anything. So what is it Tavish? What’s the difference between then and now?”

An awkward silence hangs between them.

“…C’mon lad, don’t make me say it.” Tavish tries to look away, but he can still feel the solar rays of Jane’s glare socking him in the jaw. “Ach, it’s- what we got here isn’t right Jane. It’s not a natural thing for a pair of mates to do.”

“Ha! Natural?” Jane laughs. “I don’t buy that ‘natural’ crap from hippies and I certainly don’t buy it from you. I do not care about how natural the devil’s lettuce is! I do not care how much natural they cram into those granola bars, or how much fiber will help my bowel movements! Natural is for suckers.”

Tavish stares at him, long and hard, and finally, finally something small and brittle inside him crumbles away just enough that he’s hit with a weak chuckle. “You know, sometimes I don’t know how crazy you really are, and how much is just insight disguised as malarkey.”

“Good,” Jane smirks. “Keep it that way.”

“But still we need to-” Tavish rubbed his eye. “We need to think about this. It feels like I’m the only one here who’s trying to keep us both from getting killed.”

“Why?”

“Well someone has to, and it certainly isn’t going to be you.”

“Why?” Jane is angry now. “Why does one of us have to be holding the goddamn reigns? I didn’t ask you for ribs because I thought you would keep me back, I asked you for ribs because you broke that cop’s back and it was the most glorious display of patriotic strength I have ever seen!”

“Patriotism for where, exactly?” Tavish asks tiredly.

“You damn know well where. Don’t ask stupid questions.”

So Tavish doesn’t deign him with anything, just sits there massaging his head. He knows his rationality is eroding. That Jane is sitting here chipping away with his donkey’s indifference, his stupid, (literally) hardheaded attitude that Tavish can’t just turn away from.

“So,” Jane says. “I listened. Now you listen.”

“I barely got a word in edgewise,” Tavish complains.

“And they were all bad words. Now,” Jane sits crosslegged, stripped in the half-light coming in from the window, painting him radiant. “It’s clear you have some hangups about your latent bisexuality.”

Tavish puts all the power of a two-eyed stare out the focus of his singular optic, hoping the pure concentration gets his disdain though.

Jane carries on. “It is nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Ach, it's just that...I shouldn’t have wanted…shouldn’t have even…”

“You and your damn shouldn’ts,” Jane frowns.

The frustration, the embarrassment, all the waves of different emotions Tavish has been put though are washed away in the new torrent of shame. “Ah fuck.”

“Tavish,” Jane says sternly as Tavish begins to clutch his head. “I have been dying to put you in a supportive yet comforting hug for the past twenty minutes. Permission to embrace you?”

Fuck he could use a hug right now. He could use Jane right now. He nods.

He leans in to the enveloping warmth as Jane holds him in a touch that is scored all different than before, yet the same strange intimacy he’s starting to suspect relates to what Jane said before that knee-shaking I want you so damn bad. That he didn't say that in the heat of the moment or because he feels sorry for the sad Cyclops that happens to be his friend, but because he genuinely wants this as much as Tavish does.

Oh god does Tavish want this.

“Tav, has that stupid voice in the back of your head telling you not to do things ever made you happy?” Jane asks the back wall over Tavish’s shoulder.

“Kept me safe,” Tavish sighs.

“That’s not what I asked, private,” Jane reiterates. “Has it made you happy? Has it ever actually helped you find the man you’re supposed to be?”

Tavish thinks long and hard, bringing his hands up run shaky fingers through Jane’s hair. “No,” he admits. “I don’t think it has. You?”

“Me? I crushed that voice years ago under the heel of my American-made double buckle combat boots. Like a goddamn ant.”

Tavish snorts. “Figures.”

They stay like that, holding each other, for a long time. They stay like that until the neon pizza sign across the street winks off, until the digital clocks on the matching nightstands read long past 4am.

“I don’t know what to do about this,” Tavish admits finally.

“Fair. Even if you did, I wouldn’t listen. You’ve changed your mind so many goddamn times tonight I’d tell you you’d have to sleep on it first before I believed you.”

“I have not,” Tavish laughs. “Just…there’s a lot. And I’m scared. I’m scared every day RED or BLU’ll find out and we’ll be…” He sighs. “I guess it wouldn’t matter at that point if we were friends or…anything else. We’d be dead either way.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Tavish leans back and finds it in him to grin at this stupid, crazy, reckless man that is certainly going to get them both killed. No, no he’s not going to think like that anymore. They’re in this together, and they’d share the blame just as much as they shared each other.

He squeezes both hands to the side of Jane’s face and says, “I love you too, you crazy, crazy Soldier.”

It’s worth it to see the light flare up in Jane’s eyes, the dopey grin that springs to his face. “Well, then that makes you just as crazy as me.”

“Aye, I suppose it does.” He presses his forehead to Jane’s. “We’re already doing a spicy shimmy on what’s taboo and what isn’t. I suppose we shouldn’t give a damn what’s considered crazy.”

Jane’s face is so beautiful, the only shame being how long shouldn’t has kept that realization at bay. But Tavish quashes it, watching as a new question forms in Jane’s brow.

“I know I told you to sleep on it but,” Jane bites his lip. “Can I stay here? While you do that.”

Tavish likes Jane's warmth against him. He likes him here, where their atoms are pressing out against each other in the closest the universe can approximate as touch.

“Aye. Come here.”

They lay down on Tavish’s bed, and Jane rolls around until he’s nestled in Tavish’s arms. As their breathing slows, in sync then out of sync then back again, Jane says, “even if you weren’t freaking out, it’s a good thing you stopped us when you did. We don’t exactly have any condoms.”

Tavish’s jaw locks, and he quickly scoots his pelvis back a few inches. “You’re doing that on purpose,” he snarls into the nape flush with his nose.

“Maybe. I’m craaaaazy, remember.”

Tavish hates him, and loves him more in that moment than he ever has. If this is the night where he’s cut everything off, where he’s chosen this Soldier over the world’s approval, then so be it. He makes a little mental image of an ant, and steps down.