#but its not. he can love will AND be angry abt how much responsibility he had to take for will and the family

[kohlirahul]

pov you're jonathan byers

older than i am – lennon stella // welcome to the family – watsky // shoreline – broder daniel // family line – conan gray // older than i am – lennon stella // me and my friends are lonely – matt maeson

[cornerdreams-txt]

thoughts abt cubitos regressing together? Like tiny codebreakers or little hide duo?

GRIPS YOUR SHOULDERS. ANON YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I THINK ABOUT THIS STUFF. YOU HAVE UNLEASHED A MONSTER. HERE'S MY FAVS. LONG POST SO ITS UNDER THE CUT

contains agere hcs for: codebreakers, veterans, hideduo, guapoduo

★ CODEBREAKERS

— a little bird and his equally tiny knight in shining armor <3 they're precious together. phil is always holding onto etoiles and following close by, and etoiles doesn't ever want to leave phil's side, and will look around frantically for him if they get separated. they're equally feral about protecting each other, but when they're small together and there's no threats, they're basically joined at the hip.

— phil can't imagine feeling safer with anyone else, and chirps and makes little sing-song sounds in response to etoiles' rambling at him, clinging to etoiles' arm or shirt or backpack straps, huddling close and resting his chin on etoiles' shoulder whenever he gets the chance to.

— etoiles is always giddy to be around his brother, and keeps some kind of weapon in his off hand, with phil's hand in his other. if there's some kind of threat, he always pushes phil behind him. he knows phil can fight for himself, but he's brave and strong and he's phil's knight! phil will always be safe with him! and then if he gets hurt he tries to tough it out and ignore how bad it stings while phil fusses over him and takes care of him and makes him eat a golden apple to heal up his ouchies.

— little birdbrain over here gets very jealous of people dragging etoiles away, and will make angry trilling noises and ruffle his wings threateningly until etoiles grabs onto him and drags him with, always refusing to leave his side. etoiles doesn't like being separated any more than phil does, and it always helps with the stinging jealousy of "that's my family" that hits when someone tries to pull etoiles from phil's side.

— despite adoring one another, phil still refuses to let etoiles help with his nests. he wants to do it by himself, and he wants it done RIGHT. but that's okay! etoiles will scour the house and grab soft blankets and pillows and offer his hoodie to phil to add to the nest, and then he hurries off to get them water and easy snacks to enjoy while phil makes their nest for them to curl up in together.

— if they need supervision, your best bets are fit (easily gets phil's attention, and etoiles will follow phil anywhere) or cellbit (both of them LOVE hanging out with cellbit, and cellbit has a whole castle for them to play in with minimal risk of injury), but typically, they can handle themselves just fine!

— etoiles calls phil "little brother" and "baby bird" in french when he's regressed with him. phil calls etoiles "big brother" in response, or chirps family-based calls at him. :)

★ VETERANS

— with phil being a bird regressor, and fit regressing to older years, you get a very sweet dynamic of phil being fit's little songbird, following him around and whistling and chirping at him cheerfully, while fit hangs out in safe places with him, dragging phil headfirst into various little tasks to keep them both occupied, proud that phil wants to hang out with him, of all people. he's so cool, and clearly, phil knows it!

— one of their favorite spots to hang out is at techno's shrine by the potato farm. phil tucks himself up into a corner, and fit sits across from him. they'll talk for hours there, phil scribbling his words down on signs, and fit sometimes doing the same. they always leave something at the shrine for techno - phil always leaving an emerald or a green shiny object, and fit leaving cool-looking mob drops he has scattered around, or a baked potato or two. whatever feels right in the moment.

— fit is quick to jump to phil's defense when they encounter mobs, but phil is violent and feral when it comes to mobs coming up on fit, and fit isn't reacting to them. zombies are shredded into skeletons with strips of rotten meat hanging off the joints, skeletons have bones broken and shattered, endermen are ripped apart, the whole nine yards. he might be only a little bird, but even regressed, phil is a vicious fighter who doesn't hesitate to protect his own.

— but typically, the two of them prefer to curl up somewhere safe and just relax in each other's presence. phil drapes a wing over fit while they snuggle close, and fit uses his good arm as a pillow for phil, holding his head close to his chest and closing his eyes to listen to phil's whistling breaths.

— fit is allowed to help construct the bases for the nests phil creates, because phil knows fit is VERY particular about where he sleeps and rests, and wants him to be comfortable. but! the details and layout are phil's job to complete. fit just sits and watches, always interested in how phil makes his nests so cozy, and happy to watch his friend.

— they don't need supervision. you're welcome to check on them, but between fit being a 2b2t veteran, and phil's status of the angel of death, they always have eyes watching them from a void-washed realm, the crows that phil always chirps greetings to when they pass by being how a goddess watches over her little followers.

★ HIDEDUO

— the sweetest little pair ever :( they desperately need a babysitter, though! pac is too reckless and chaotic, and fit is too paranoid. usually, mike is the best option for that, but other times they end up harassing tubbo (or phil) until they get tired and leave to go sleep, or until one of them slips out of regression and can take care of the other person.

— fit gets nervous and stiff around people, but pac loves socializing, so sometimes fit hangs behind and watches over pac while pac talks to people, before turning and bounding back to fit's side, grabbing his hand and dragging him into their next adventure.

— pac knows that fit hates being out in public when he's small, so he likes taking fit to the hide and seek arenas to play in while they're little. they'll chase each other around, play proper hide and seek, and bring food so they can climb up as high as they can go to have a picnic together and watch the clouds and talk!

— language lessons! pac tries to teach fit new words in portugese, and giggles at fit's difficulty with specific sounds, promising him that it's okay! he's doing great! it's cute! and fit grumbles and gets flustered and changes the topic. they'll try again when they're not so little.

— usually, they sleep in one of the houses in the favela that pac turned into a hideaway for when he's little, because it's safe and perfectly designed to match the needs of a little one or two, or in chume labs, because mike is usually in the labs and will protect both of them while they rest.

— fit is very shy around mike when he's small, by the way. pac typically drags him along and nudges him into things, translating between mike and fit for them. he doesn't mind - he actually quite likes helping his soulmate and his fitchi understand each other better!

— fit calls pac "trix" as a joke when he's little, because of the american cereal. pac fires back by calling him "águia," which means eagle in portugese. because. yk. bald eagles. and fit's bald. yk? eh? eh? :D

★ GUAPODUO

— oh, guapoduo... gatito e pequena aranha.... little kitty and little spider. so cute, so RIDICULOUSLY chaotic.

— roier is an enabler. there's no nice way to say it - he enables cellbit so hard. he squeals and laughs and cheers him on when he does stupid stunts and takes down mobs and play fights roughly, and cellbit is absolutely smitten with roier's laugh and will do anything to hear it.

— when cellbit's REALLY small, he just makes cat noises instead of using his words, and roier understands him (most of the time) anyway. roier becomes his translater, standing proud and tall, arms folded over his chest smugly while cellbit clings to him and rubs his face against roier's shoulder.

— they trade overwear! cellbit gets roier's hoodie, and roier gets cellbit's jacket. they love doing that, cellbit burrowing into the soft fabric and shoving his face into his hands, covered by the sleeves, so he can smell his guapito. and roier spins in circles to feel the jacket flare out, giggling happily at the feeling and holding the collar close to his face to breathe in the smell of his gatinho's favorite coffee blends.

— roier complains about cellbit's coffee breath when he's little, so whenever they're both small, the threat of withholding kisses is always enough to make cellbit give up his coffee and opt for juice, water, or milk instead. he's not a huge hot chocolate fan, and he's picky about tea, so cool drinks are a safer bet. roier doesn't REALLY hate cellbit's coffee breath so much, but he does think it's a bit stupid cellbit wants to drink it when he's little. clever little spider knows exactly how to get what he wants.

— cellbit's tail likes wrapping itself around roier's limbs when he's little, and roier likes petting cellbit's tail when HE'S little. a perfect win-win situation!

— to an outside eye, roier looks like he's taking care of cellbit pretty often. following him into trouble, petting his hair and ears, smothering him in love, giving cellbit disapproving scowls when he does something dumb.

— but internally, that's all in response to cellbit promising he'll always-always-always-forever protect roier, wandering off with the knowledge that if something happens, he'll sprint right back to roier's side. cellbit rubs his face on roier to make him smell like CELLBIT, helps him reach stuff on higher shelves - cellbit protects and looks out for roier, and roier does everything he can to return the favor in thanks.

— they don't USUALLY need supervision, but if they do, then getting jaiden, bad, foolish, or phil is a good idea. not quackity though, little cellbit isn't very fond of quackity. or his twin, for that matter (roier tries to help them get along! but cellbit is stubborn and possessive and hisses at quackity when he gets too close to HIS husband.)

[ay-chuu]

Be My Lover?

Warning: (gn!reader but pls dont care abt the words about gender in songs... tagging my love, @senpaiofotome)

I must confess girl, yes, I wanna be your lover

He's the purest boy you'll ever see. Immature, who lives entirely based on his feelings and will most likely be a big pain in the ass. He's so stupid and unstable that your parents might question why you started dating him. he's so weird that he's in the category of the last person older people want to hire. He's like the clichéd protagonist of a cheap comic book that's been written. Oddly enough, after he confessed his love for you in a “brave” way, his trembling makes him more suitable for this pattern. A stupid, shy and naive boy.

Take a chance, my love is like no other

But these things that you know about him, gives you an another truth. He is so immature that his love is as pure and natural as himself. A love big enough to knock you off your feet without even realizing it himself. A love that you will involuntarily soften into two sweet eyes, even if you are angry with him.  the kind of stupid boy love that he will ask the mans who tell you that he can find better , “but there's no one better than them?"  look them in the eye. It is like a seed that has been planted but has not blossomed.

On the dance floor getting down

But you know that the seed you sow has a lot of responsibilities. This relationship is going to be bumpy. For example, when he hurts you, he won't understand, but he will put his soul out to win you back, no matter the reason. Or he won't understand when you explain to him the issues that you feel insecure about, but its because that he sees you as perfect in every way, no matter what the topic is. Your relationship will be a responsibility that matures him. A responsibility that would make him realize that he was already mature on the one hand while discovering himself.

Hold tight, I'll never let you down

But you know that none of your efforts will be wasted. Because even when the seed you planted becomes a tree, it will always be grateful to you and will bear fruit to you. And when you are with him and you will never be abandoned, feel unloved or anything else you scared. You are sure of this because no matter how pure his love is, it is also so strong. It's like a fire that has just been lit, but it won't go out. It is stronger than all the love that other men can give to prove his commitment and determination to you.

My love is definitely the key, like Boyz II Men I'm on bent knee

That's why you don't regret holding his hands and accepting his love now. Because you are sure of the end of this long journey that you will embark on. Eternal lovers.

And looking at that smile that came to his face when he was trembling with happiness, you couldn't help yourself and pulled his face to yourself. You knew what he was thinking when you calmed him down with a kiss. The person he was in love with was as much in love with her as he was. Be his lover? Yes, his lover.

I want to be your lover

DEUCE, Ace, Epel, Kalim, Ruggie, Jack, Silver, Sebek, IZUKU, Shoto, Kirishima, Denki, Shinsou, CHUUYA, Ranpo, Atsushi, MAMMON, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Scaramouche, Kazuha, Xiao

song: La Bouche - Be My Lover

[mrsnancywheeler]

ommggg i read let me down easy today and i kept re-reading it bc its TOO GOOD AHH !!🦅🦅

it hurt so much but im a whore for angst first, and a human second🫶

just thinking about the reader suffering in silence because she feels guilty for having any negative feelings towards finnick :(( the way she dismisses those feelings bc she thinks that whatever she’s going through is nothing compared to what he’s been through :((

also thinking abt finnick’s slow realization that she’s suffering because of him :(( like the incident at the market is when he began to notice the changes :(( and later when he fully understands how his behavior affected her IT MESSES HIM UP SO BAD

i just know he was remembering his past interactions with reader (where she breaks the glass / when she rejected his money at the pearl necklace stand) AND CRINGING …and it only gets worse when reader spills her guts about what she went through. omg ik he was sick.

another #thougjt i had was how this might mess up the reader for a bit after too #idk (that just might be me tho lmaoo) bc i feel like once you’ve been in that cycle of feeling depressed/insecure for so long it’s hard to snap out of, even with constant reassurance 😔

But maybe that’s just my angsty side talking HAHA

but i loved this fic, 11/10🫶

-🦅

omg yes, literally my favorite thing I've ever written. ik I wrote it, but it's the only thing of mine I reread bc it's like the perfect expression of how I feel, like if I could represent myself in one fic it would be that one if that makes any sense. it's like a concept that always haunts my mind no matter what I'm hyperfixating on maybe because I'm just like melancholy like that 🎀🎀🎀

but thank you so much, I'm literally so glad people are enjoying it because it literally is my own roman empire

yes she wants to be angry, she is angry, but refuses to let herself be because his issues are what she needs to prioritize. how can she be angry when he is constantly suffering? even if it's not so slowly tearing her apart, like a piece of paper sitting in water, she's trying to stay connected for the illusion of it all, to be strong for him.

her being loving isn't new to him, so he isn't thrown off by that, only slightly confused by her waking up earlier then usual. so her gifts have little bearing when he's used to it and he really doesn't want to feel loved right now because he's trying to reject whatever will make him seek comfort. when she starts changing her clothes and makeup, it's different, but he's not responsive because she's always been his pretty girl and always will be, her buying new clothes doesn't make him perceive her any differently or wonder if there's a reason, people try out new things.

when he notices how other peoples interactions with her have changed that's when he really starts to notice, if everyone else perceives her as melancholy then something has to be wrong. even if he's not quick to point the finger back to himself. he tries gifts, maybe she wouldn't buy something because she wanted him to do it, some sort of attention, but it's not big enough part of the issue to have any bearing on the effects it's now had on her. the girl rotting depression era shall we say. eventually through that, what people say to him, self-reflection he gains full consciousness of what he's been doing, how he's been hurting the person he loves so much. and the guilt is incomprehendable.

how could he be so selfish? so closed off as not to process all the clear cries for help? thinking about how he was getting annoyed, feeling like she was being moody when she insisted on doing the dishes until the dish broke. how she ran out into the ocean, in the rain without a care to regain some sense of composure, composure to try and make him happy. then the necklace thing, how could he miss her clearly trying just to be with him, be near him, have the interactions with him that he was giving to the girl at the shop instead? he was so unresponsive to the emotional needs he just assumed it to be a material need that he was willing to give. so when she rejects the money it just doesn't compute, to buy it she needs it, and then she tries to send the message that buying something isn't what she's asking for but he misses it completely. he gets snappy and it snaps her.

so when he's finally talking to her, he needs her to tell him the truth, the nuances because he's been so blind to all of it. he needs to know how he hurt her and it really is like a full wake up call. he can't let his own trauma consume him, allowing it to traumatize her in different ways. like when she mentions her getting to the point of just wanting him to want her body if he wouldn't want her because that's how people perceive him, that's what was hurting him, but he inadvertently made her feel that way. it breaks him to think that he did that to her, that he hurt his girl that way. then the idea that she would have let him cheat on her, she would've picked being with him over her own well-being, well she did, and he doesn't deserve that. he can't fathom how he could be with someone who loves him so blindly as to choose being with a ghost of him over not having him at all, when she deserves so much better. when he has been so callous with such a precious kind of love. or the fact that he even made it seem like he had interest in anyone but her.

there will be a fluffy, smutty requested sequel but readers issues afterwards will be lightly touched upon in it. but yes, she would have to spend so much time mending her relationship with herself afterwards. he's totally on hand and knee trying to make it up to her, to prove how much he loves and needs her, to give the attention she deserves. but she's still paranoid about cheating, insecure, scared, even if she tries to mask it. but he knows. he could, and does, spend hours praising her, telling her how pretty she is, how she's the only one, how sorry he is, how much he adores her, but it doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of her head. she tries to hide it but she's clingier and he's okay with that, she needs him more.

but yes there's lots of long term effects the incident has on there relationship. and they have to try and navigate that together.

thank you pookie, I love your thoughts sm 💋💋💋💋💋💋

[valdrift]

as the end of 2024 has been getting closer ive been both dreading and anticipating the new year and its a feeling tht i really dislike lol (more under cut bc my rambling got way longer than i thought 😦)

like i moved out 2022 and its been amazing for both my mental health and growth as a person since being away from my family gave me the space to figure out what i want to do and how to. idk. live ? got medicated, developed better coping mechanisms, made great friends, etc. i mean im living with my friends rn and theyre like family and i just got licensed to be an lvt and its all great ! but the thing is that my bio family need me and thts probably the root of the issue

cus my family is dirt poor, like living on gov aid, and none of them can work so growing up i was always told how i needed to be successful to take care of them even though i had plenty of rich relatives and i always wondered why none of them bothered to help and decided to put all that responsibility on a kid ?? and i was pretty much raised into being my family's eventual caretaker. from 13-17 i used to be so angry/depressed/resentful about it and hated my family bc it felt like they robbed me of my agency but now, i cant blame them. im not saying they should have done tht to a kid but i understand why. theres a bunch of complicated legal things and other stuff i dont want to get into and my family are either old, disabled, or both and god knows my relatives arent going to help so its up to me yknow ? its why im moving back in with them by 2025 to take care of them. and i love my family, i really do even if i dont tell them bc we dont talk like that and we all know it anyways. my mom is such a strong person despite how everyone looks down on her and i want her to have nice things, i want my family to live in a house that is clean and not falling apart, i want my mom to not have to ever worry about working and to have time for herself bc shes been stuck caring for kids for half her life. i love my family, i want to take care of them, and im angry i never got a choice. family is complicated and i wish it was as easy as just going "i dont want this responsibility" but i know its not

i keep telling myself that this is just how things are supposed to be and im going to spend the rest of my life taking care of them and i thought i accepted it but theres still some small part of me thats reluctant. i know im never going to have a partner or romance bc my family is and always will be my first priority and ig thats sad but i really dont mind. and im not just saying that, like genuinely im fine being single, i dont need companionship and have never felt that loneliness. im just fine with my friends and i dont need anything more, it just kinda sucks i dont get that choice. the whole thing is kinda sad and ive been told as much but these are the cards life dealt me and better me than someone else i guess

truth is im kind of scared, it feels like my life has already peaked and being away from my family has been so freeing but its selfish and damn if i dont want to be selfish for just a little longer. but its hard when i can see my mom getting older and the house getting worse and im angry that this isnt as easy as it should be. this country is awful and the systems in place are cruel and makes life as difficult as possible for people of color, the poor, and disabled. i know i'll get over it and i'll be moving back in and helping them like i promised but i'm only 22. my relatives are acting like i'm wasting my life every second im not helping my family or working towards making 6 figures or whatever and i won't lie it's put doubts in my mind. but im only 22!!!! i dont know. maybe im being dramatic because honestly it could be worse and we're even lucky to have a roof over our heads and to even have a steady source of income no matter how little it is. ive never told anyone the last bit abt being scared and all that, i think its easier to type it than say it, and it also helps i dont have a face to yall and i dont have to look you in the eye. i dont know if ive ever shared this much or anything like this on here either lol. i dont know

tldr; do it scared i guess

[thatdeadaquarius]

With your language AU, I remember watching a video about a guy speaking angrily nonesense in an Indian accent and people thinking he was very angry. Imagine this as the Creator speaks angry gibberish to people and they just assume that the Creator is cursing them or something. (Or like when they speak gibberish to babies and everyone's like, "Aw the Creator is teaching that baby their divine language")

*AUDIENCE DRAMATICALLY GASPS.

✨️I look pretty good for a dead bitch✨️

She's alivveee!!!

Whats up i almost passed away from sheer academic workload, but im not in the ground yet 🥰 And with drafts outta my ass! :D

Hope yall ready for ur regularly scheduled Bullshit Genshin Sagau <3

SANDBEES THATS SUCH A GOOD USERNAME & ALSO SORRY I ANSWERED THIS SO FUCKING LATE JESUSSSSS 💀💀💀

SORRY ABT THE POLL I CANT BELIEVE I COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT IM FUCKING CRYING I WOULD DO THIS-

Well at least i can do polls thru this in the future?? Idk tumblr is ass so we'll see how this accidental test works out...

☆

So these were the first thngs i thought of and its not super long bc ASKERS R GENIUSES OKAY

SOMTIMES I JUST WANNA PROFUSELY THANK U GUYS AS A REPLY FOR SHARING WITH THE CLASS THRU MY BLOG 💖💘💫

Saw the gif and couldnt help but think this is how ppl like Alhaitham or Diluc would react to u "speaking ur langauge"

"Our langauage" aka being a SIM 💀

◇

Stop Albedo would ask you to teach him ur lang/grammar rules 😭

What u gonna do when Zhongli asks you to teach him some words-

OH NO

NO DONT PASS ON YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO

U GIVING ZHONGLI SOME STUPID SIM WORD LIKE

Your ass: "GIGGLABAH means beautiful :) "✨️

Zhongli: "Oh thank you, how different from our own version, so excited sounding..."

You walk by him strolling the harbor and he just smiles at you and says

"You look gigglabah today my liege."

HIS REGAL FACE AND FANCY WALK WITH HIS HAND BEHIND HIS BACK AND EVERYTHING

(honestly ppl paint him as oblivious but he kinda seemed like the type of bastard who seems like he's not aware but sometimes he secretly knows the truth, he's just getting too much amusement out of it to stop doing it, LOL he does shit like the above to see YOUR reaction- LMAO)

◇

You're a maniac pls tell me u dont pass on simlish to all the serious characters-

XIAO WOULD SECRETLY THINK IT SOUNDS GOOFY BUT WANT TO BE INVOLVED BC ITS YOU ANYWAY LMAO

SO HE'S JUST SLIGHTLY SQUIRMING AND GETTIN PINK EVERYTIME HE SAYS A STUPID SIM WORD BC HE FEELS LIKE A GOOF HAHA

(& he's not the only one, others too like Kaveh, YELAN, Ningguang, Nahida, DILUC, AYAKA LMAO-)

◇

Some ppl i could see taking ur gibberish bullshittery and whether they believe its real or not is irrelevant bc theyre using it anyway-

And i dont mean in a good way 😭

LIKE IM THINKING OF VENTI.

CRAZY BARD INCLUDING SIMLISH ASS GIBBERISH WORDS IN HIS SONGS BC OF YOU

"Be cheerful like the hugkukie,

and may your cup never leaky!"

And Diluc loves you.

Really he does, deeper than he thinks-

But his eye is twitching LMAOO

◇

(Ok but if you did like multiple of these language shenanigans thruout the asks ive gotten, Kaeya would literally grow so fond of you and associate you with goofy funny shit that makes him laugh so hard that everytime he sees you he automatically is beaming with a smile, or trying to supress a warm grin- this got away from me but its 1:44am for me rn so i would love a smiley Kaeya rn -)

♡

Speaking language bs I have my 2nd oral exam for spanish tomorrow, pls send whatever good vibes u got and i am also really open to prayers from any religion as well. sobs

Hope anyone got any enjoyment out of my response bc tbh the ask is what rlly matters to me atp lmao

Until the next shenanigan-

Safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds mwah ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[hazbin-proship-central]

okay!!! this is my sign to go insane abt lucifer/charlie !!!

they have the potential to be so cute and wholesome, but it's me - i can't have my ships nice and fluffy. healthy relationships are for the real world, everything needs to be fucked up in fiction !!

my headcanon is that charlie always had a special relationship with her dad. a better one with mom, but her times spent with lucifer even though rare were closer. but its normal, she's his only daughter and it's just normal parental love!! he didn't dare try anything when she was little, hes not that horrible (he totally is but he cant show that part of himself to charlie). it was a loooong investment to slightly push those boundaries more and more, but he has all the time in the world to do so.

so, when charlie is all grown and lucifer visits the hotel for the first time, they greet eachother and start making out. everyone freaks out because holy shit why didn't she ever mention theyre like that??? why are they like that???

she never mentioned it cuz its normal for her. she never knew another father-daughter relationship, it's nothing out of ordinary for them to cuddle, kiss and get a little touchy. and lucifer couldn't give two shits about what some lowly sinners think of that when he can destroy them with a snap of his fingers.

they were never human, so human taboos don't apply to them. or maybe they apply to hellborns too, but as i said - lucifer simply doesnt give a fuck lol. he's the devil. from the bible. let him be a little awful...

ALTERNATIVELY, they had a normal regular not weird relationship. and when charlie reunites with her dad, he's acting just a bit weird. okay, maybe he just doesn't know how to act after such long separation, maybe he's nervous about others, maybe he's just not used to his little girl being grown up.

or maybe that's what bugs him. she's so different now, responsible, so mature and oh lord why is she kinda hot?!?!? she can't be hot, she's my daughter!! but all denial went out when he saw her kicking ass in the final battle, full demon form.

he gets even weirder, there's so much emphasis on my charlie, my daughter, my little girl, and yeah okay he missed her for sure but isn't that a bit over the top??

he's surely just overprotective as always, angry at anyone who touches charlie, anyone who spends time with her alone, and he always growled at alastor when he was too friendly with her. so its not weird. charlie just has to accept him as he is, she could've just misremembered how he was before.

(small intermission: radioapple enemies to continued enemies but they're now both fucking charlie so they have one thing to agree on. they make a competition out of this too tho.

okay, back to the scheduled ship!)

eventually his self control breaks and they fuck nasty about it, charlie knows it shouldn't be like that, but it's not cheating, right?? he's not her lover, he's her dad. and she always wanted him to pay more attention to her, so now that he does charlie shouldn't complain. take what he gives, and if it's mind-blowing sex that's an added bonus (adam's first and second wife didnt seem to hate what he had to offer, charlie doesn't seem to hate it too ^w^)

so, two options! either she's on that from the start, or he drags her into this later (that includes more guilt and shame!! always a treat)

and about charlie x vaggie x lucifer - i thought of that too and it's fun, but i just can't bring myself to really get into anything chaggie. don't get me wrong, they're cute, but that's their only thing. vaggie's personality doesn't (yet? i hope) exist besides charlie, she's just her girlfriend (that happened to be an exorcist but that's it. not much else). chaggie and vaggie's character in general had so much potential, but imo they ruined it by automatically making them girlfriends. both songs that vaggie sings revolve around charlie, it's always vaggie AND charlie!! (barbie and ken kinda situation, they ken-ned vaggie 😭) give my girl some personality, damn it. and what draws me to a ship is all the intricacies that make the relationship interesting, i sadly can't see that in them :/

(but consider this: charlie and lucifer's "more than anything" love song, and vaggie having to sing a reprise later to say "hello??? im also your partner, remember??? i love you more than anything too???" LMAO)

- 🌈

Ah! I love reading your rants, rainbow anon.

Both of these scenarios are so fucked up and yummy! I really like the guilt aspects that can be played with in this ship. The denial <3 "Oh, im just being... overprotective! Its nothing weird! It cant be weird! Im her father!"

Plus, Charlie gaslighting herself into thinking its okay and healthy is sooo good😋 of course, with them being in Hell, they dont have a moral system like us humans do, so it makes sense they wouldnt really care. But, I like the concept of Charlie and Lucifer both intuitively knowing what theyre doing is wrong (maybe influenced from Lucifers time in heaven, considering he is a fallen angel). They both have sex, and Charlie is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, but she cant stop. It feels too good, and she loves that shes finally getting one on one time with her daddy. She feels so loved and safe.

Lucifer feels bad, because he knows he groomed his daughter into this situation, but he just cant help himself. Shes so pretty, prettier than Lilith could have ever been. (haha I like the idea of him secretly lusting for Charlie over Lilith, I read a fanfic about it and it drove me wild.) Shes his daughter, he created her, technically owns her, in a sense. He can do what he wants to her. Thats how he justifies it.

Matter of fact, I've read multiple Morningstarcest fics. When I first joined the fandom, I was uninterested in the ship, but then I got an urge to just... look at the tag on ao3. Give it a shot. I was sold 🤭

Oh, and I TOTALLY agree with you on Vaggie. "They ken-ned Vaggie" is SO TRUE i never even thought of it in that way but thats such an accurate way to put it! She really needs to go off and have her own adventures/goals/whatever, separate from Charlie and the hotel. Some sort of type B plot.

Hmm... random idea that popped into my head, maybe she could make some sort of support group for other fallen angels in hell (im assuming her and Luci can't be the ONLY ones down there), and they could like. Train for exterminations or something. Ah, im going off topic.

Anyway, yeah! Morningstarcest is great.

[angelsdean]

how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this

no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from).

i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)

the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not vilifying it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.

dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.

this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.

also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to vilify him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.

[albaqae]

OH MY GOD I FINALLY WATCHED MUTANT MAYHEM AND DJJSAJJSNSNFHXJDJ

queue the ramble :) (also yes spoilers)

I’m so so happy being able to take off mutant mayhem filters NOW I CAN BASK IN THE FANART YES YESBEYYEYSYSYSYSA

Ok so like I pulled up right and I knew it was gon be GOOD, but IT WAS GOODER THAT GOOD???? After I watched rise I was like mkmk yea there’s NO WAY they can make them more teenager-y But they Did.

My friend my love told me that they told the VA to change the script if they wanted to and if they thought it was more relevant and honestly? BEST DECISION EVER

U can feel however u want abt the movie but I will Fight You about the relevancy of it so bad, like something that media tends to focus on capturing is the Present, the feeling of the very moment “insert thing” happens, and the relevancy of certain situations in certain times. It’s the very reason why nostalgia hits so hard, because it is capturing the feeling of being right there in that moment, and so effortlessly

That’s what I felt watching the movie, THEY LITERALLT SAID RIZZ AND SUS, and I never in my LIFE thought I’d hear that in an ACTUAL OFFICIAL MOVIE, I just KNOW history scholars are gonna psycho analyze every reference they make

ALSO I ADORE SPLINTER SO SO SO MUCHANJAJASJKEKNX, I love seeing just-became-a-father splinter it’s AKJSNDNX. I really really love the angle they took with him, and him seeing himself reflected in superfly and how being so strict hurts his kids because it doesn’t let them explore options or themselves fully, even if he really does think he’s right

ALSO HIM AND SCUMBAG AKAJNSNSNX IT WAS SO CUTEEEE IT KILLED MEEE

AND OH GOD near the end when superfly had the turtles and was abt to like snap them and I saw the broken shells I, no kidding, screamed. THE AMOUNT OF ANGST IVE CONSUMED THAT HAS HAD BROKEN SHELLS AS ONE OF ITS MAIN PLOTS AOQJJWNSNX, it was WILDDD having it canon ngl

Overall all the characters, like every single one, felt so fleshed out and real, it was genuinely so refreshing. I love how media now focuses on capturing raw human states instead of the heavily filtered beauty standard that our societies have for so long clung to. I think future generations being able to see that will really heal some of the damage being “chronically online” can cause

April had SUCH GOOD STYLE and I loved her :) because the plot was so heavy I almost expected a lot of the characters to not have an arc at all, so I was real surprised when splinter and April realized what they did was hurting ppl. The writers were REAL good at keep the plot semi-un-crowded despite how much was going on

Again, THE HUMOR WAS SO SO PRESENT DAY AKAJWJENNX

I loved Raph LIKE ALWAYS and how they made him an angry mf w/o making it against his brothers, and just making it as just how he is, I thought it was so nice to have an iteration where he keeps his spark without making it harmful to those he cares abt (his outfit at the end was so very fire it was my fav)

Mikey was so so sweet, I love whenever he’s both a goofy goober but also one of the most empathetic ones, the hope and kindness in his eyes <33

DONNIE WAS SO RADDDD, the VA did SUCH a good job, he has my fav voice and overall he was so cool in character too, freaking out abt the attack on titan doodle was so me and I love seeing a representation of what non-toxic fandom looks like that wasn’t seen as a problem or as meant to be looked down on, bro just loves k-pop and anime!!!

Leo was AMAZINFGGGT, they kept his leader persona and his want to take responsibility and decency without making him an ass !!! And for someone who grew up with 2012 Leo that’s something I was REALLY at awe at

It’s also the first turtle x human ship i don’t hate, they didn’t make Leo be CREEPY ASF LIKE W 2012 DONNIE, but he was still a hormonal teenager having a real crush and they were still friends

I also loved lizard dude

Superfly character was so rad too, the way he spoke and carried himself was really interesting to look at and I thought it was so cool, I love villains that have actual stories, AND BABY HIM WAS SO CUTEEEEE, wish we got more sibling content on him and his crew tho, but that’s very me nitpicking

Splinter cracking his back remind me of “BUMBUMBUM BUM BUM BUM!”

I love when tmnt doesn’t do orientalism :))) it’s very hard to avoid in iterations cause of the very foundation of tmnt, but I take it as a major W whenever we get a decent story(USUALLY AMAZING STORIES) that doesn’t rely on “oooohhhh mystery ninja stuff ooooooo” to make a compelling “aesthetic”

I also loved how Baxter stockman looked, and the turtle tots, the animation was OUT OF THIS WORLDDD, I rlly love how, as artists, we accept more diverse styles rather than just sticking to realism being the standard, because it allows for stuff like this to happen!!! And the scribbles added so much to the world ownqnnsndndjxjx I’ll rewatch it over and over again just for the art style

And also when Leo call himself leon IT MADE ME SO HAPPY BC LIKE LEO IN RISE LIKES LEON TOO IT FELT LIKE A WINK WINK SKSNSNWNMSND not sure if it was tho but it was me giggling and kicking my feet

The plot itself was so good too in the way that it applies to more than mutants, the seeking of acceptance is something really really relatable in so many contexts: neurodivergence, queerness, immigration, and so so so much more????? It’s one of my fav things of most tmnt iterations, its themes carry on to other contexts, not just to the specific story being told. This is what leads it to being so attractive to so many audiences

The music was very atsv and I thought it was so rad, it’s always nice to watch a movie that has that kinda soundtrack, especially in urban settings it’s a lot more fitting than an orchestra (sometimes, or at least I think)

By the time me movie was over with the BADASS SHREDDER APPEARANCE I lost control of my body and was just happy stimming violently and my friends just kinda 🧍‍♂️ at me, and they got the same rant u just read but even more messy, if that’s possible

I’m proud to have mutant mayhem as an official tmnt iteration, and I’m proud of the work that’s been done, and I hope to in the future maybe somehow contribute to a version too!!

I didn’t revise this, and it’s very messy, and I doubt I’ll go back and fix it, but it’s just beginning thoughts :D if you actually read this far thank you and I love you

[pomplalamoose]

hey omg I have this idea, could you maybe do headcanons (IF YOU WANT TO) abt enemies to lovers with Luke? Well, you can have it kinda be like a Mara Jade scenario where she needs to kill him but Luke doesn’t necessarily hate her. Honestly all up to you!

Hiii anon, thanks for your ask🩵 I really like the idea, so let's jump right into it!

• I find this to be a very interesting concept because there are so many possibilities how this could play out 

• across the galaxy there is a wide array of people that could have good reasons to hate Luke, even the ones that have never actually met him before 

• the reasons for said dislike can range from petty to understandable, depending wholly on whose side you are on

• imagine: you could be a fellow kid from Tatooine, having one sided beef with Luke because he was always the better pilot and shooting womp rats came to him easily, whereas you wanted nothing more than to beat him once but always failed 

• maybe Luke stole the love of your life right from underneath your nose without even realizing 

• maybe you hate him just because he made it off that hell hole of a planet and casually overthrew the Empire in the process 

• like, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU and the jealousy is gnawing at you

• maybe you are a politician's assistant or the politician yourself and, because you can't stand Leia, hate Luke too, simply because they are related 

• possibly Luke's actions, unbeknownst to him, had a serious impact on your life; you are left reeling, trying your hardest to pick up the pieces left

• maybe you worked for Jabba and lost your job due to his death 

• alternatively you lost friends in the same battle that cost your boss his life 

• or maybe Jabba died before he could pay you your well deserved money

• and worse: you are responsible for caring for friends or family and now can't do that anymore because your employer is fucking dead

• maybe you had family or friends on the Death Star

• maybe you are part of what remains of the Empire 

• alternatively you could have been raised to hate and fight the Jedi, and now, that there is only one left, you want to end them one and for all

• either way: the only thing still keeping you from crumbling down, what keeps you going,  is the thought of revenge 

• no matter your motive, Luke will not hate you in return no matter what you do

• we have to be realistic here, that man didn't even hate his father and refused to kill the Emperor with his own hands

• so the whole enemy part is pretty much one sided, to him you are a slight annoyance at best 

• (additional reason to absolutely hate his guts)

• (personally I think it's hilarious but obviously you don't)

• there is nothing more infuriating than your sworn nemesis acknowledging your presence but not being really bothered by it 

• and why would he? 

• (going forward I'll assume your goal is to hurt him or possibly end his life)

• unless you have some serious outstanding skills, you wont be able to even get close enough to do any harm

• plus, it would be in your best interest to catch him alone, which in its own right is hardly implementable

• if you somehow get this far though, he will already know 

• it's basically impossible to sneak up on him, especially with murder on your mind 

• and taking on Luke wholly on your own? You wouldn't stand a chance 

• even though you could potentially be a trained fighter you are blinded by rage and thus not equipped to meet him at the same level he's on

• all of this, of course, doesn't mean that Luke would simply accept the way you keep trying to mess up him or his family 

• he might have developed lots of patience during his training and over the years but when the people he loves are in danger, he isn't playing around 

• (it doesn't matter that every single one of them is dangerous in their own right and can very well defend themselves)

• if you're lucky he only gets angry 

• but if you somehow manage to catch his interest and become subjected to his curiosity, you might as well turn yourself in straight away

• he will either make an effort to get you arrested, or alternatively, seek you out himself 

• abruptly the roles are going to be reversed; no longer will you be the hunter but instead the hunted 

• Luke will naturally want to know who you are and where you are from, what your occupation is or was and whether you are working alone 

• most importantly he'll want to hold you accountable for your actions 

• since he doesn't consider you a real threat he is able to take his time to methodically tire you out 

• he doesn't mind if you constantly manage to evade his grasp, he knows you will return again to try and hurt him

• eventually, if you like it or not, he'll get his chance to confront you 

• depending on your reaction, the results are different ones 

• if you insist on following your path, he'll see you punished according to your crimes

• if you're willing to engage in conversation/are reasonable enough, he will reach out, offer his help 

• you absolutely don't want to go to prison but his pity would make you feel similarly awful 

• it's easy to stoke hatred and to keep your anger burning when your target is, as far as you are concerned, a monster 

• however, coming face to face with Luke for the first time, you are thrown and your world, once again, is turned upside down 

• he is nothing like you imagined 

• he is kind, charming even, and not arrogant and blinded by pride, like you thought 

• above all he's so beautiful it hurts

• despite everything you did in order to bring him harm, he is ready to forgive you 

• and not only that: he offers his support, might even apologize and explain his point of view should you entrust him with the reason for your actions 

• while Luke does not expect you to do so, in fact doesn't demand anything, he still wants to come to an agreement 

• he's busy enough as it is and permanently keeping an eye out for you is, frankly, irritating 

• so what is it that you want? A stable job? A place to live? Money? Some other kind of compensation for what happened to you?

• it's hard to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, you were in the wrong all along 

• that he is, just like you, a survivor of the war and it's circumstances and did only what had to be done 

• (alternatively you are a Sith and want to admit to your faults even less)

• whatever the case, Luke will remain understanding and, should you refuse his help, won't judge you for it 

• if you promise to leave him and his family alone, he'll let you go

• it's all up to you and he won't pressure you into something your pride doesn't allow 

• he'll be happy to part ways peacefully, of course, but if that's not the case you'll still get your chance to stand by your word to not cross his path again 

• regretfully he does not disappear from your thoughts, no matter how much you try to forget about this embarassing encounter

• maybe you try to unfairly twist your interactions to make them fit your narrative

• it's not working though and with growing frustration you realize you want to, need to, see him again 

• only to accuse him of messing with your mind of course, no other reason (like taking a last look into his crystal blue eyes)

• if you can settle this once and for all, maybe he'll stop appearing in your dreams and leave you alone 

• surely this is all the doing of a Jedi and has nothing to do with a guilty conscience and a burning longing to be held in his arms

[timothylawrence]

it saddens me so much to see shity posts abt will being supposedly out of pocket when talking abt his new appearance in front of tieflings when. first of all knowing his story this is never about tieflings and not meant in a mean spirited way to anyone but himself. and secondly this is a person whos sense of self worth is literally little to none because of everything that happened with ulder and mizora when he was a kid. wyll feels so much guilt over existing just as "wyll" that he doesnt really see anything worthwhile about just being "wyll ravengard" and thus is always trying to overcompensate for (in his head) not being the "perfect son" or the "perfect hero" and puts himself in danger disregarding his own well being and safety by playing the part of the Blade of the Frontiers, this larger than life hero of legend persona that he's created, both to do something about the guilt he feels ovr being only human. like theres a reason why hes always so charming and proper apart from being a genuinely nice person but i guess some ppl dont gaf abt nuance. like girl how would you react if the person whose job is to love, accept and nurture you, and who has been your personal referent your entire life REJECTED YOU AND KICKED YOU OUT AT SEVENTEEN. like girlies did we even play the same game. ulders opinion meant the world to wyll. so much so that he took on this perfect blades of the frontier persona and hid the real, human, wyll persona because he thinks that to be accepted by uldred he can be nothing short of perfect. and then mizora changes his appearance so that the proof of his pact is visible to anyone knowing how much having to look and be perfect weighs on wyll. its so unfair and sad like. wyll will be genuinely kind and accepting towards people who have more faults than him bc he recognizes the person behind the faults, but he will never give that same treatment to himself. he beats on himself so much over natural human responses bc of what ulder said to him.. girl i cant do this. his first response to not looking """proper""" as the blade of avernus is to hide from the other people at the party, even if those other people share most of the same physical traits he now posesses. he can accept and understand "weakness" and "imperfection" from other, just as long as it doesnt come from himself.. AND STILL HE IS SO SO KIND AND LOVING AND SMART AND TALENTED AND TENDER AND PRETTY AND DREAMY JUST THE WAY HE IS ok im normal now. sorry for writing this so shittily im in a rush but anyways wyll supremacy

LOL anon you got it down to a T. People chalking up Wyll being ‘angry’ about being a tiefling now like, missed the point entirely. He’s not a tiefling. He is a devil- he’s been touched by the hells and people NOTICE. Especially when you get to act three, multiple guards call Wyll out on not being a ravengard- one even calls him a devil boy!! Not to mention, his own father literally calls him a monster. He was manipulated and preyed on by a devil- his life was RUINED by a devil. Why would he be okay with being one? With being the very creature that preyed on him?

A lot of people seem to skip over Wylls relationship with his dad- he loves his father more than anything. There is no anger over Ulder kicking him out, there’s no anger over not being listened to. One of my favorite quotes in the whole franchise is from their scenes together— “everything I did, I did for Baldur’s Gate. I did for you.”

Wyll gave away his life to a devil to save Baldur’s Gate. He did this for his people but most importantly, in his own eyes, to make his father proud. And Ulder cast him out. If making a pact with a devil earned this response, why would Wyll not be scared about LOOKING like one??

Not to mention, if you play his origin, mizora states to his face that the blade of frontiers is just a persona- she taunts him abt his need to be good - to have this perfect image, to manipulate him to do her bidding (killing Karlach). She knows just as much as he does that without the blade of frontiers, he’s nothing but that scared, exiled boy.

Wylls biggest fear is not being needed, because if he’s not needed, if he’s truly alone, then there’s no use for the Blade of Frontiers.

There’s just Wyll.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[darishima]

bonesy here ! do the character ask thing with either ummmm aubrey omori (because you said shes you coded)(i know you havent finished the game im just thinking lots about it becuase im still formulating my response) or midari (because i know youre so abnormal abt her dari) or stan pines (because you keep posting about him) -🦴

hehe hiii bonesy. thats just your name now i guess. change it legally thats the rules

sidenote but the other day (yesterday actually) i was on a discord call w my friend and mentioned offhandedly something like "oh yeah theres an anon that regularly sends me stuff and the other day they asked--" and then they went "oh yeah i know i've seen bonesy asks" LIKE LMFAO.. bonesy truly just is your name now. and all my mutuals will know of you

anyway. hmm. for aubrey (please note i have played like 30 minutes of omori):

sexuality headcanon: lesbian gender headcanon: transfem aubrey is good but to me thats a she/they cis girl a ship i have with said character: AUBREY X KIM, EASY a BROTP I have with said character: kel and aubrey 4ever a NOTP I have with said character: aubrey x any man. any of them. especially sunny. sunburn makes me want to throw up and i dont respect anyone who ships it sorry. i pray youre not a sunburn shipper bonesy or i'll hafta kick you out of my inbox /j a random headcanon: hmm. she plays guitar or bass general opinion of said character: i like her :3 i'll like her a lot more when i actually . yk. finish omori.

also since my omori knowledge is limited i consulted my wonderful best friend-partner-mortal enemy @/stariacht, my resident omori expert (who im playing it with) and when i asked about his general opinion he said: "she’s such a good character and the omori fandom not only has no idea how to interpret her but they dumb her down so much and i refuse to talk to anyone about aubrey unless they prove to me they aren’t stupid LMAO" and to that i say he is right. and i agree

midari, i have some OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH WILL MAKE SOME PEOPLE ANGRY BUT IM OBJECTIVELY RIGHT:

sexuality headcanon: lesbian, only sexually involved with men for her own gain/pleasure, not actually attracted to them gender headcanon: i think outwardly she presents as a cis girl cause she doesnt really care what people think about her but internally she's like, genderqueer nonbinary, she/it/they, but she wouldnt bother coming out beyond occasional offhanded mentions of "not being a girl" a ship i have with said character: MIDARI X SAYAKA!!! also midari x yumeko because im WHAT? DELUSIONAL ! [im schizophrenic i can say that] a BROTP I have with said character: midari x runa, weird little freak creatures <3 a NOTP I have with said character: this is about to piss some people off . but yuriko x midari is my notp. i dont HATE IT necessarily its just.. such a nothingburger.. yuriko doesnt have enough characterization in canon for me to care about her beyond the version of yuriko that exists in my head so i dont want midari with her. theyre friends though and midari likes her. also midari x ryota is so disgusting it makes me want to slit my throat general opinion of said character: me irl /srs. my one true love. my world, my everything, the center of the universe, the point that my entire life and identity revolves around. without midari i am nothing. without midari i do not exist

stan pines:

sexuality headcanon: he feels kinda aroace i cant lie but maybe pansexual. or bisexual. or, more likely, he has no idea what any of the labels mean and just calls himself whatever will serve him in the moment LMAO gender headcanon: just a guy. jus some dude a ship i have with said character: none, really ? maybe stan x eda clawthorne cause its funny, but nobody from gf a BROTP I have with said character: stan and soos !!! a NOTP I have with said character: stan x bill. eugh a random headcanon: he secretly feeds waddles leftovers or scraps under the table at dinner. he loves that damn pig general opinion of said character: looove him. love him dearly. wish he was my uncle...

[sanchoyo]

Hello there friend...I'm silly tired and it's the middle of the night so this might not be coherent but I saw ur tags on that religion vs non post. Just wanted to say I know where ur coming from. I'm sorry that happened to u, that was a terribly presumptuous and unhelpful thing for them to do. I went thru something similar when my cat died, just to a lesser extent. I was told, in a well meaning comforting way, that she wouldn't suffer anymore, and my bitter grief stricken response was "she doesn't EXIST anymore. She's gone forever" bc I don't believe in the afterlife either.

OHHH sending u love for this <33 I was half awake and mad abt it but honestly its been like 2 months and im Fine with it now. (well maybe not FINE. still angry but it doesn't feel RAW anymore, like I can talk about it now) what's kind of funny is, I normally do like to talk about religion and the subject of an afterlife! it's something me and my sister have talked about a lot (not entirely sure what label she'd use now, but she used to be really into witchy stuff, so spiritual/religious topics would be fun to discuss between us, I am still spiritual in...weird ways...) it's just. there's a time and a place!! when he is dying and I am grieving is NOT the time or place!!!

It's so annoying when people around here assume I MUST be some flavor of christian because we're in the bible belt. like it doesn't even occur to them that I might not be. I have had people talk to me at previous jobs about how much jesus loves me and how he'll make things go well for me, and during those times I just kind of smiled and nodded along (I have to assume they want to tell me, specifically, these things because they see the Blue Hair and Pronouns vibes and feel...compelled...?? which like. lol???) like my mom took me being gay super well, much better than me telling her I wasn't a christian!! she CRIED over that!! and that didn't bother me so much because it's about me, right? and I don't care what happens to me after I die. it comes up a lot, where I am. people are fanatic about it, so I'm used to it.

but when it was about my precious dog, that really got me...the way those vets handled it was the only time I've been actively so annoyed and upset by it. the fact his pawprint came embedded in a little booklet thing that had a whole long ramble about how he's so happy and waiting for me to arrive REALLY upset me.

I totally get how 'she won't suffer anymore' could have set off the same thing, ugh, my heart goes out to you for that. funnily enough that was the only little phrase that DID bring me comfort. because my boy was suffering a lot his last few weeks, and not existing...put a stop to that pain. but it also put a stop to everything good, right? which sucks. like obviously I would have preferred him being ALIVE and not suffering, but that wasn't possible, so...that felt better than 'you'll see him again in heaven/he'll get to see jesus/rainbow road' stuff, in a way, for me. I just..knew it was his time and it would have been irresponsible and selfish for me to let him go slow and painfully.

it's just like...different things help different people. maybe the idea that dogs go to heaven helped the vets, as many animals as they likely put down, it makes it easier for them, I assume. and I'm glad if they had something like that to comfort them. I'm kind of jealous of it, honestly. I honestly want to give them a bit of grace for it, they were otherwise very kind and handled things well...

But they weren't the ones losing a best friend so they shouldn't have said it out loud. They can comfort themselves with that in their minds and keep things non-religious with clients. a very bitter and still-angry part of me wants to write the owner of that place a letter chewing them out for it. I won't but-- the idea of it makes me feel a little better lol. mentally being a karen and having a big dramatic fit in my brain only is very cathartic.

(I'm also open to the idea of reincarnation in some way, and I DO hope I can meet him again, somehow...it's just really really hard for me to imagine a christian 'heaven' scenario, lmao) I've been lucky enough to see him again in my dreams though, (those do still make me cry when I wake up and realize it wasn't real aaa ;_; ) and i'm lucky to have a lot of pictures and videos of him, as long as I'm alive he'll be alive in a sense, in my memories, and that's a lot of comfort. I can still speak fondly of him and see him in those ways, even if I'll never be able to really be with him again, never hold him again or play with him again. and I got 15 years with him, which I try to be grateful for. I tried my best to give him the best life I could. And I'll always have so many fond memories and so much love for him, and I'm sure the same goes for your kitty. <3

silly boy in his silly little hut ☝

[lloydfrontera]

the new chapter of the novel dropped and i just realized something abt javier(which i should have realized earlier, but im blind so its fine) but like most of the times that javier smiled is usually regarding lloyd 🥺 like sometimes its just to make fun of lloyd but also he has like such genuine feelings towards lloyd- i just hate them so much 😔

god i know i've talked so fucking much about this in the past but i will literally never stop because they just!! make me go insane!!

if i think too long about how javier was just twenty years old when he was destined to lose everything and everyone and go on to have a life of pain and loneliness and it was only thanks to lloyd that he get to not only not go through any of that but also to loosen up and enjoy being his own age the way he never allowed himself with anyone else i start shaking

because javier is, pardon my fucking language, such a good boy. he's just, thee main-iest character to ever main character. he's a genius, incredibly talented, responsible, serious, honorable, kind, loyal, and fucking gorgeous to top it off. he's also just a kid. like sorry if you're twenty, you're just two years away from eighteen which is just one year away from being a teenager which basically makes you a baby. ok, but being a bit more serious, you can just tell from,,, well, all of him, that he's been taken seriously since he was very young, which is good because yeah, kids also deserve to be taken seriously. but not to the point where they don't feel free to also just,,, loosen up. relax a little bit. be their own age.

and the comes lloyd who is shameless and manipulative and aggressive but overall good and of course javier feels at ease with him. of course he feels like he can be himself with lloyd. it's about letting someone see the worst parts of yourself and trusting that they will still love you the same.

and lloyd does bring out some of the worst parts of javier, he makes him angry and petty and bitter and heartbroken but he also brings out the best of him, he makes him happier and braver and pushes him to do more and more over and over again. javier is just,,, more when he's with lloyd.

it does make me go insane i'm not gonna lie <3

[definitelynotshouting]

Hey friend, I am absolutely rotating the HECK out of Hunger AU rn. I just binged all of the tagged posts and I'm going FERAL! Watchers being like parasitic wasps? Listeners being like fungi? Absolutely based takes.

I'm very much a fan of the emotional realism going on and I'm so terrified of Angry!Mumbo. Like. Bro doesn't get all that angry that often those folks are the scariest properly pissed.

And I relate far too much to the Search Party tbh. Something about the themes of mental and physical illness, wanting to help but not knowing how, the one you want to help not wanting help at this point, the resentment that causes on both sides of that stalemate... yeah I've been there.

Also, I am insanely curious about the ecological niche that Watchers and Listeners fulfill. Like. There has to be a reason they are the way they are. I'm insanely curious about what the environment they evolved in looked like, and even more curious as to what they provide back to the universe in return.

Like. Irl most wasps are predatory insects, controlling the population of pests and invasive species, but the tidbits you've given us about how they feed on emotions and the groups they feed on put me more in mind of, like, herding dogs. Yknow? Does that make sense? Gathering players together and moving them away from half abandoned worlds to let them dissolve back into the greater code. Maybe interviening in virus-infected worlds or virus-vulrable worlds, encouraging those players to move or perish.

And Listeners, well, fungi occupy so many diverse niches they could do just about anything, really. It's very fun to think about and I am rotating them vigorously, thank you for feeding us so well <3

(May I be 🐸 anon?)

This is such a sweet ask i am so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 abt it, im really pleased that you're enjoying the emotional realism ive committed to for this fic, because thats just such an important aspect for me-- my goal here is to depict a deeply emotional, moving, and messy situation about illness and recovery where no one's feelings are punished or demonized by the narrative. Its just so, so important to me that the Search Party (and later on, the other hermits) get their emotions properly respected and explored. Its not just about Grian, even if he is the ultimate focus-- everyone else deserves varied, emotional responses to an ugly and terrifying situation where theres hurt on all sides. This is the kind of realism i love putting in all of my writing, and the kind of justice i want to do for all characters in stories like these!!

Its a little funny how this au originally started with me brainrotting absently about Watcher biology because i wanted to explore the idea of Grian pretending to be an avian and finding certain aspects of it deeply uncomfortable. And then it just. Snowballed into this!! And now i am chewing on worldbuilding for breakfast DKXNSJDJ im really glad you enjoy the Watchers and Listeners lore!!! I need to make a proper post on Devs (or dev crystals, as theyre actually called), as well as general code structure, bc they are both so fucking cool as well

I absolutely love your herding dog analogy, and its giving me some great ideas because for the longest time i couldnt quite figure out what exactly a Watcher's ecological niche was beyond predator to Players and prey for something else that's extinct. But now im really looking at the connection between Watchers feeding habits and Players' biological need for play (or dreams, if you want to get into the minecraft end poem of it all), and theres something there that i really wanna take some time to tease out before i give a concrete answer. I need to update my hunger au masterlist LOL i am saur behind 😭

Anyway this was such a lovely ask to sink my teeth into!!!! Thank you so much for sending it, and ofc you can be frog anon!!! This was a really stimulating conversation for me so thank you again for getting my brain whirring :D i hope to see you in the inbox again!!