#but its just.... gone
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#i cant sleep bc im too stressed and ruminating about the financial situation im gonna be in next year#i hate being working class i wish i had enough money to even finish my mf uni degree properly#its so unfair that some of my peers are rich enough that they dont even have to really significantly worry about finances#can i please be a trust fund baby im begging#but yeah this sudden hit to my sense of mastery and independence is very hard for me to deal with#i finally began to feel like i could afford my rent ok and food/necessities plus some nice things here and there#and even had plans to build my savings#but its just.... gone#i dont even have the words to describe how empty and defeated i feel#not feeling very tinkerbell#og post#personal
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Isn’t that worth holding on?
#bakudeku#mha#bnha#that love is like a star#its gone we just see it shining#it’s travelled very far#I’ll keep a leftover light burning so you can keep looking up#ISNT THAT WORTH HOLDING ON?#STAR BY MITSKI#bkdk#my hero academia#bnha fanart#mha fanart#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugo#kacchan#midoriya izuku#deku#bakugo katsuki#my art#thank you my hero academia
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YO TREY CLOVER IS HERE !!!
TREY NOOOO you weren't supposed to look so cool, I was supposed to be able to save my keys for all the upcoming birthdays, how could you do this to me --
also hey. hey Trey. what's in that bowl.
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#don't get me wrong i am a trey enjoyer and i was expecting some pretty art but MAN they just went as hard as possible didn't they#i want to scoop up that color palette and spread it on some toast#love that they've just gone full neon casino lighting for the hearts boys 🤌🤌🤌#this card art is doing its darnedest to make up for the general lack of trey ssrs#anyway looking forward to freaking out about the rest of chapter 12 for the next couple of weeks!#can't wait to see how trey saves the day by making a cake taste like dirty socks or something#(no but i maintain that trey is actually the most ridiculously overpowered character in twst if you think about it)#(he could end malleus' reign of terror by replacing his head with a potato but he simply chooses not to)#(he has chosen a quiet life of culinary arts and dental hygiene over glorious power)#(i am only like...60% joking about this)#(somebody's gotta make sure riddle doesn't actually explode after all)
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you know what boils my blood.
over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."
i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.
but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.
today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.
the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.
so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.
#zee rambles#this isn't to guilt trip anyone#but im so so tired of people coming in and just refusing testing because they want to see grandma or whatever#and on top of that people are avoiding vaccinations and all that too??#we all lived through the pandemic - everyone saw how many people unfortunately passed away from it#now because of vaccinations and some amount of herd immunity we're finding milder cases in healthy people#but that doesn't mean its gone#that doesn't mean it doesn't have long-term repercussions even in healthy people and that doesn't mean people aren't still dying from it#honestly i just needed a lil rant#and if this helps at least one person??? im all for it#also i can't sleep so here we are spilling thoughts into the voidddd
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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noo don’t cry about july ending and the time passing, just remember the july poem :)

#end of the month melancholy is so real#the feeling that i’ve gone another month without achieving anything or bettering myself just punches me in the gut every time#but its going to be okay#i think#not les mis#poems and quotes#morgan harper nichols
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i love to come up with in-universe explanations for dumb things
#deanna troi#lwaxana troi#will riker#jean luc picard#star trek tng#star trek the next generation#carro art#i have been struggling with deanna's s1 hair if its supposed to be a hairpiece or if we're supposed to pretend its her real hair#they didnt even get the color right#so ive gone with Pretend Its Her Real Hair#anyway. first and hopefully last time drawing beardless will riker#ANYWAY. deanna cant just not do it after her mom made a stink. wears betazoid clothes for 5 years
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getting emotional over footage of an amateur scuba diver interacting with a coelacanth. they are hunted by large deepwater predators, and here comes a large creature bearing the brightest lights it's ever seen, making strange noises, but it does not shy away. it hovers, calmly, as the diver reaches out and trails a hand down its back. im strongly against the anthropomorphizing of real life animals but the stupid emotional part of me loudly insists this is because it recognizes us, the alternating movements of its four paired limbs matching the diver's four paired limbs, & it is thinking, "hello, cousins, we missed you these 66 million years, it's so good to see you again. welcome back, welcome home."
#[OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: he should NOT have touched the fish. do NOT touch random fish you find while scuba diving#especially if the fish is 6ft long & has sharp teeth#ESPECIALLY if the fish is a critically endangered species#being overwhelmed by the majesty of the coelcanth is understandable but that does not excuse his behavior]#[obligatory disclaimer 2: i know nothing about this guy; by 'amateur' i just mean he wasnt part of a scientific expedition at the time]#[obligatory disclaimer 3: i mean it wasnt CALM. its first dorsal fin was erect which we have reason to believe means it is on edge.#but it didnt flee like you would expect of a wild animal]#...disclaimers over. now im going to wail about how life began in the sea and we left & they stayed#& we thought they were gone & now we're finding our way back home to them#they are so beautiful and they are our family and they love us ok. they do i know it in my heart#coelacanth#Latimeria chalumnae#animals#andy original#ALSO I KNOW THEY HAVE 8 FINS by four paired limbs i mean the pelvic and pectoral the others arent paired they dont move like legs do
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coming out as a "Will snores obnoxiously loud" and "Nico breaths so quietly you can barely tell hes alive" truther
#LISTEN OKAY. WILL WORKS CRAZY HOURS. EXHAUSTS HIMSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY#hes going to snore. really loud. as soon as he hits the pillow.#its not uncommon for even people who dont snore! that i know anyways.#happened to family members of mine who dont usually snore#also additionally nico sleeps like a corpse so it works out for both of them#i think personally nico is usually like 3/4's awake but once his body actually lets him rest? out. gone.#sleep deprived x also sleep deprived for different reasons#also on a different note (slightly) i feel like will just grabs nico sometime in the middle of the night like hes his teddy bear#nico is lets himself get dragged into wills arms because he too. is completely and utterly asleep#solangelo#nico di angelo#will solace#the sun and the star#rrverse#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo
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#still in my hole and a little scared to post this#just coz if it gets notes im worried ill end up in square one of only drawing for attention and getting stuck again#winter hasnt been easy on me for a while#and work has me so tired lately coz of it#im losing myself a bit#but the passion is still there its just gone a bit dormant#anyway.. vamery save me...#trigun#vashmeryl#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#trigun maximum#my silly art
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we need to abolish the idea that ancient greek myths and legend have a coherent timeline. they do not. for any given myth there are like 10 heroes mentioned that feasibly could not have been adults or even alive. herakles keeps showing up in places where he should probably be dead. anyone could be a suitor of helen. even herakles. even theseus if you count that kidnapping stint he did. nestor is alive for 10 billion years. time is fake and anything beyond vague generational outlines is conjecture
#the thing about classical studies is sometimes you gotta just accept that sometimes We Dont Fucking Know#a majority of our sources are GONE. we don’t have the full picture and its impossible to make definite statements off fragmentary evidence#is achilles older than patroclus? is he younger? NO IDEA. myth is a fluid tradition. who give a shit#all that matters is: is this guy the same general age range? is he young enough that hes got less respect? is he old enough to earn respect?#and if anyone cites wikipedia at me for this post im killing them with lasers#tagamemnon
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my theory is neurodiverse people also have anti special interest a thing that they just can't record any information about and listening about it makes us almost physically ill like you want to be out of your body and out of existence
#for me its soccer#and dont get me wrong ill listen to someone passionate about it#but once it gets into my ears its immediately gone#i just cant help it#neurodivergent#neurodiverse stuff#actually autistic#autistic things#adhd problems#autism#adhd#neurodiversity
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I’ve been consumed by fiddstan
#its either this or fidds is so far gone he thought ford got contact lenses and grew out his hair in just a few days#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines#fiddlestan#fiddstan#gravity falls fanart
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the scenes of rhaenyra and alicent going to each other this season, desperately trying to halt fate even though they have always known deep down they are stuck with seeing this to the end. the future visions of the game of thrones universe and how everyone is stuck in their own destined deaths for a story hundreds of years beyond their own lives. alicent and rhaenyra being just two girls wearing blue who might have been soulmates in another life but are now too clouded by their own paths to save each other anymore
#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#maybe this is because i just saw i watched the tv glow but it reminds me of that in a way#hotd#rhaenicent#alicent seeing that there is life beyond their worlds of scheming and succession and trying to save rhaenyra#but rhaenyra is already too far gone in her own path and turns away while alicent screams its not too late#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#house of the dragon spoilers
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Part 2 (kinda?) of this
#her ass didn't mean that kind of eye#“P:how have you not gone crazy already?”#girl she has#its just that no one has noticed yet#srry for the constant change of quality :')#tadc#the amazing digital circus#ragatha#pomni#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#mattdrawz
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This is my favorite hobby~♥️
As long as I’m still interested in the things I make, then I’ll still share whatever I draw into this space :)
It’s nice to have other folks interested in the stuff I create because it’s exciting and fun to chitchat about it. But that’s all just bonus. I’m gonna make whatever I want whenever I want, no matter if others are interested in it or not lol
#I know that it used to be a rareship before episode 5#but even after ep 5#I got so many messages or comments across platforms that were along the lines of ‘boo radioapple boo!!’#but I just kept at it because 1. i was now a possessed woman and 2. i liked writing n drawing radioapple#I’d also get messages when I draw radiohusk like ‘ew mare is pro ship’ and after I learned what that meant#those disinterested folks still weren’t gone stop me lol#toxic yaoi is good shit#anyway all this to say everyone should just have fun with their hobby#I think if I had 2 followers I’d still post just as much#but the quality of my art would probably be pretty bad LOL#a huge reason why I started feeling motivated to improve was because really talented hazbin artists followed me#and suddenly I was like *OVERDRAMATIC ANIME GASP* ‘I can’t let them down…’#haha no but there is something about having an artist you admire start to follow you that makes you like ‘I must get stronger’#this is fun in its own way haha#i do try to keep that element from making me feel pressure tho#I mean yall have seen my chicken scratch doodles#ight enough rambling it’s 3am#(I went to bed too early T_T)
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