#but its difficult without doxxing myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zanethecrane · 1 year ago

Text

Okay. Just for clarification. I am an English major and I am only a semester away from having an associates. Breaking down movies and books is a hobby and a past time. So here are my thoughts.

Without a doubt whether or not you consider this to be good or bad is opinion. It's debatable. I personally fall on the side of not liking it. I see why people can like it and I'm not gonna dox people for liking it. It's definitely one of those movies where you could "theoretically" like and enjoy despite it's multitude of flaws.

Lets break this down

Plot

The plot was over all basic and uninspired.

What I mean by this is this... The plot was a carbon copy of other ideas and thoughts previously done from their other works. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, for this movie it brings it down BECAUSE it relies too heavily on them.

✓Sweet dreamy eye protagonist who is so sweet that everybody loves her

✓ talking animal side kick who provides comedic relief

✓wishing on a star

✓ female leading crying on an inanimate object because something didn't go her way

✓evil villain

✓magic saving the day

These are all not necessarily bad. In fact these are good ideas to have. We have seen them before. AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM

I understand that uniquemess and originality are hard to come by nowadays. I'm a writer and original ideas are the hardest to find. What you have to do is take those old ideas and make them new. What Disney did was not make these old tired tropes their own, they rehashed them and expected us to go, "Oh! That's just like this movie!"

Why is this bad?

Well don't I have the answer for you!

It makes the movie lose its own voice. This movie is too wrapped up in references and tropes they've used before to try and capture nostalgia, that wonder they used to have. What made those movies so special was the heart and care that went into them. This is Disney's 100 anniversary, but instead it feels like Disney's catch 100 references to when we were a better and a more creative studio.

They HAD a beautiful story!!

The idea and premise for this movie is probably my favorite thing but the execution from a professional and eye is awful! You cannot look at this movie and tell me that it is the Mona Lisa when it is nothing but a carbon Copy of what once was.

The story could have been amazing. The idea of using their A Dream is a Wish Your Heart makes for a very Disney and UNIQUE idea!

!!!!!HOWEVER!!!!

It was done in a manner that was so half hearted and so clearly a cash grab they practically insult themselves. The plot was predictable and falls flat. The villain was interesting at first! He was giving me a similar two sidedness as Frollo and then the back track his character by throwing in an evil maguffin to make him evil because it is clear to anyone who knows basic plot structure that it was rushed and they didn't know what else to do to progress the story. WE COULD HAVE HAD ANOTHER FROLLO WITH HIM, BUT WE GOT A HALF HEARTED GASTON!

Speaking of Gaston

You mentioned that The king being shoehorned in as a villain was like saying Gaston was shoehorned. I have an explanation for this. The reason why..

Now I hope I don't loose you here. This will get a little difficult.

In order to PROPERLY set up a character, this goes for Asha too (more on her later), you have to set up their character and what they are about in the first 5-10 minutes they are on screen. In the movie what we are told is that the king is noble and loves his people. There was no shadow of a doubt if this. And then as the movie progresses, specifically at the 30 minute mark it is revealed that oh hoho he is a narcissist and is obsessed with himself. The way they did this was out of the blue and off putting. It came out of nowhere. There was no build up. It was a sweet song about the wishes and then BAM I'm a narcissist who cares about no one but myself. That 180 came so fast they did not even prep themselves for it. It felt like this was a last minute idea.

Asha

Don't get me wrong, I love Asha. She is sweet and funny, but she is poorly written. We are not shown why she is sweet or why she is caring. We are told. With her fatal flaw, caring too much, she is told this is her fatal flaw. The movie doesn't trust us enough for us to figure out her fatal flaw. And it doesn't even really show us that she cares too much to begin with. There are so many unexplained why's, to her it makes my head spin. Why does she care? Why does she want to be an Apprentice? Why is she sweet? Why is she the way she is? Is it cause she is naturally that way like snow white? Was she raised to be that way? Or did she have a rough upbringing that made her this way? We don't know. That's the bottom line.

This movie has so many analytical flaws that I physically do not have the time nor the words to accurately explain to you why this movie is technically bad. But I doubt you care to even consider my points and come up with a half baked response. I bid you a due. I'm gonna go watch an actually good movie.

with all the negativity Disney's wish has received lately it genuinely feels like people are just looking to hate one something. Disney gets critiqued for not making original stories. So They make a princess fairytale movie. Disney gets critiqued for not having evil Disney villains. They give it an evil Disney villain. Disney gets critiqued for having overcomplicated plots. They make a sweet little movie about wishing on stars. But then it's "too safe" the villains evilness is "forced" and the movie is "self indulgent" for all its references even tho it's literally Disney's 100th anniversary movie.

Do y'all just not know how to enjoy things like a classic Disney fairytale movie without only seeing what you'd rather it be? Wish was a fun, sweet, cute little movie but because it's not the greatest film they've ever made it's a "disappointment"? Idk it feels like Wish is being held to a way higher standard then all of their other films from the last 5 years and after seeing the film I just don't see what's got y'all this upset.

471 notes · View notes

raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years ago

Note

I use media like twst as wish fulfillment and escapism but I have to say I derive a lot of masochistic pleasure from your character romance analyses and how angsty the truth is because realistically speaking, a lot of these guys would be terrible partners or you just won't be able to be together. even with trauma and emotional constipation aside, circumstances/lifestyles will probably make it impossible to healthily date others. like with malleus and his duty as crown prince, and vil and neige would be difficult too, since they're both extremely popular celebrities. real life idols are even forbidden to date in order to sell the fantasy that they "belong" to the fans. their darling won't be able to survive the cruelty that is the public eye 💀 you just know that their fans would be cancelling their s/o every second of every day or doxxing even. I would love to see your take on vil as a partner someday but THIS IS NOT A REQUEST, just expressing how much I love your analyses on the characters! keep it up miss raven!!

[You can read my TWST analyses here!]

abhldiulaidadyasdi I’m happy to hear that you like my analyses so much! 🥺 As someone that also looks to fiction for escapism, I think it’s fun to reexamine media through a critical and sometimes more realistic lens. I can still enjoy the source material as it is and imagine whatever I like with it, but I also like to analyze the characters and their lore to gain new perspectives on them.

Maybe I’ll do an analysis on Vil as a “realistic” love interest someday, but it’s a topic that I’ve admittedly avoided discussing in detail due to personal discomfort I have on the subject.

I’ve mentioned before that celebrity characters aren’t something that I like, and it’s namely because of the fostering of extremely unhealthy parasocial relationships (depending on the genre and the nature of the media in which the celebrity is presented). While TWST isn’t a dating sim, the fact remains that a significant portion of its fanbase does, in fact, choose to enjoy its characters through the lens of romance. I don’t fault anyone for enjoying TWST in this way (as it’s something I do myself from time to time), but I think real issues can arise when it leads into romanticizing certain things without realizing or acknowledging how toxic those ideas can be, especially when taken to an extreme. It is this lack of self-awareness that can become frightening, particularly when generalized to a real-world context 💦

***CONTENT WARNING: I will be discussing bullying, harassment, doxxing, stalking, self harm, suicide, and parasocial relationships (as they pertains to celebrities) below the cut!!***

Stan culture in general can get so intense at times that it honestly scares me 😔 and it’s something that I feel is greatly perpetuated by the idol industry. I don’t know how widespread this is (as someone who is pretty ignorant to the inner workings of idol culture), but even I’ve heard of the contracts which prevent idols from dating, especially for female idols. It’s to retain their ‘purity’ and to sell the image that their fans are the ones that ‘own’ the idol... and that’s a level of intimacy and possessiveness that just feels off-putting to me. It becomes particularly dangerous when some fans (NOT all fans) start to rely on an idol for their happiness, or when they start taking extreme measures to be ‘closer’ to the object of their affections, such as stalking and/or threatening harm upon or harassing the idol’s friends, family, and other loved ones. This is something that is very real and has the potential to hurt real people, and it personally makes me really uncomfortable when these kinds of things are translated into tropes for fiction in a romantic context.

I understand that there is a line that divides fiction and reality, and I don’t necessarily take issue with the topic of parasocial relationships being brought up in literature and other forms of media (in fact, I think this is one of the few ways the topic can be safely explored and discussed). Where I start to have problems is when intense parasocial relationships are used as a plot device to further a polarizing romantic narrative. It typically paints the fans of a fictional celebrity as ‘crazed’ and ‘jealous’ rivals, sometimes even making them act comedically evil and straight up spiteful. I don’t condone any of the bullying or harassment tactics they employ, but I also think that this kind of a portrayal is extremely unempathetic.

In these kinds of scenarios, the S/O of a celebrity is treated like a saint that has done no wrong, they’re just being bullied by hateful people for no real reason (often without taking consideration that those ‘crazy’ fans may also be in a fragile mental headspace and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect just the same as any other human being, regardless of their terrible actions). This greatly oversimplifies the matter and portrays the S/O as someone who is purely good and “just a victim” and the fans as people who are clearly bad and “catty/petty rivals”. It creates the fantasy that you can have a celebrity partner and gain notoriety through them, while also having that partner defend you and stay at your side despite all the backlash--but it also ignores the real pain that comes with being a public figure. Idols and/or their partners have actually been put in unsafe situations, self-harmed, or even ended their own lives because of things like this, and at the same time, this kind of portrayal doesn’t show empathy towards those suffering from their intense parasocial beliefs (which can sometimes tie into poor mental health or a general lack of happiness with one’s own life).

This is something that’s so integrally tied to the real world, and in this context, it’s being used in a way that I disagree with. I don’t like that demonizing either side of a very complex problem is considered a “proper” solution to a story, and nor do I think it should be done, even in a fictional setting, to push the idea of a romance with a celebrity character.

It promotes this unhealthy idea that being bullied and harassed by others is just another means of strengthening your romantic bond with a partner. It ignores so much nuance in favor of propping up one side over another. It’s just not something I can ever find myself standing by or being entirely comfortable writing about 💦 Of course, that’s not to shame anyone that does happen to enjoy these tropes, it’s just something that I don’t personally vibe with 😅

#Vil Schoenheit #Neige Leblanche #notes from the writing raven #feedback for the writing raven #tw // parasocial relationships #tw // bullying #tw // harassment #tw // doxxing #tw // stalking #tw // self harm #tw // suicide

38 notes · View notes

shrimpmandan · 4 years ago

Text

I’ve been reflecting some on my views lately.

I wanted to give my thoughts on the MOGAI community and my perspective on it as a neurodivergent trans person, and just kind of reflect on my stance on and understanding of it. This is really rambly because it's 3 AM and I'm tired, but this is just my own perspective on the MOGAI community and its relation to transmeds. I think the issue I have with MOGAI is mainly its conflation with being transgender, and how these terms are labeled with -gender at all.

To preface for anyone who doesn’t follow me and is just scrolling through tags, I'm autistic + ADHD, and to my knowledge a binary trans man. I consider myself a transmedicalist and anti-MOGAI, just on the basis that I don't think MOGAI genders can be, well, genders. From what I understand, gender is your neurological sex. I know there's been critiques of the brain sex theory, but it's the one that makes the most sense to me. In essence, your brain can't be pupgender because pupgender isn't a sex. I'm very science-oriented and I'm not inclined to support something as a label if it does not describe a real, proven occurrence.

Though, I understand why people, particularly people with autism, use these labels. Some of them appeal to synesthesia, a complicated experience often comorbid with autism. I understand how an autistic person with synesthesia would 'feel' their gender. Hell, I know I do. I always described my gender as a feeling. Now, gender is more complicated than just 'a feeling', but my point stands. An autistic person may think their gender is foggy due to synesthesia, though I don't think there are any existing studies discussing such a correlation yet. Other labels, such as "autigender", are simply descriptors. It's not "my gender is autism", but rather "my gender is affected by my autism". This is where I have another issue. MOGAI labels are made for neurodivergent people, so why are they named in such a way that makes it really easy to misinterpret them literally? Even neurotypicals I've met see "autigender" and infer that it means "my gender is autism". Additionally, when getting into neopronouns, a lot of neurodivergent people have difficulties using or remembering neopronouns and how to conjugate them. I literally can't use nounself pronouns because it fucks with my language processing issues so much. But again, I can understand why they're used. Some neurodivergent people have difficulties using singular they/them. I read a post about someone having standard pronouns (he/she/they) be misophonia triggers, so they use neopronouns that don't trigger such a response. My only issue there is just how many there are. Thon/thons existed as a singular neutral pronoun at one point, and I think we should bring that pronoun back for folks who can't use standard pronouns comfortably, without having this laundry list of them.

In my opinion, MOGAI would be basically harmless if MOGAI genders weren't conflated with being transgender. Simply put, most transgender people can't relate to the MOGAI crowd. And by extension, what is MOGAI fighting for? How would their activism fit into ours? I know that many people who use MOGAI labels are also transgender, but some of 'em aren't. Some MOGAI users are cis neurodivergent people who have varying difficulties understanding or describing their gender. Now, I never experienced that, so I can't relate, but I can see it. I can see why a cis ND person would think "my gender feels kinda fuzzy" and then be like "fuck it, guess I'm fuzzgender." But, that doesn't make them trans. This weird conflation between MOGAI and being trans is extremely harmful and what a lot of people in transmed/anti-MOGAI circles take issue with. A lot of us don't relate to MOGAI and feel like our issues are being trivialized by this narrative that gender is just a fun way to express yourself, which is sadly not a reality for a lot of trans people, especially the teens who are pre-transition (the ones who are typically transmeds). It feels extremely invalidating for many.

I think this is just down to the way MOGAI is presented. MOGAI was originally coined to be a more inclusive term for LGBT after all, and MOGAI genders are branded as, well, genders. I think that MOGAI should be rebranded and adjusted to be more cohesive (so that there aren’t a billion labels that are unused or just repeats of each other) as well as better described so that they don’t necessarily conflate with being trans. I've seen some people propose calling xenogenders "xenoidentities" instead, for example. "Xenodescriptors" could also work, possibly. I'm the type of person who tries to look for compromise. While I do put labels on my stances, my opinions on issues tend to be more complex than the label lets on. There's definitely a way to make both communities happy and healthy and fulfill their intended purposes. It's just difficult to get anything done when most of the online discourse is spent shitting on each other and harassing each other. I frequently see both transmeds and tucutes be doxxed, harassed, suicide baited, et cetera et cetera. That doesn't accomplish anything. That's just bullying. Name-calling and harassment is just bullying. If we could just facilitate a respectful, meaningful discussion and work together as communities to understand each other better and come to an agreement, then this discourse wouldn't need to go on any longer. Nothing is black and white. Both sides have their reasons for feeling the way they do. This applies to literally every other major LGBT discourse going on as well, from bi vs pan to acecourse to whatever the hell else. We need to make an effort to understand each other. This post is absolutely open for discussion if it doesn't get buried. I think I covered both sides pretty well but obviously the experiences of people who actually use MOGAI labels are much more important than my views from the outside. I’m cross-tagging this since I don’t want this to just be flooded with one side. I am actively welcoming interaction from either side on this post. Please just ignore this post/block me if you don’t wanna see it. This isn’t cross-tagged with malicious intent. I simply wish to gain more perspective on why people may use MOGAI labels, and also why other transmeds dislike them so. I obviously could be missing a few things.

#long post #mogai #anti mogai #lgbt discourse #trans discourse #transmed #transmeds #transmedicalism #tucute #anti tucute #anti transmed #please reblog

44 notes · View notes

bettsfic · 6 years ago

Text

socknography: the importance of preserving fan creator biographical data

i wrote earlier on utilizing collections and bookmarks to boost the archival power of ao3, and in that post mentioned how i wish authors would fill out their bios so we can preserve fanauthor information as well as we preserve the fics themselves. so, here is my rant about WHY WE ARE SO IMPORTANT.

for my masters thesis i wrote about the layered pseudonymity of fanfiction authors, and after doing a ton of research, i find myself still thinking of the pseudonymous/anonymous divide as it pertains to fic. we have authors we consider “famous” and ones whose followings eclipse that of traditionally published authors, but unlike traditionally published authors, we don’t put a handy bio at the end of our fics. in fact, if you want to find out about the author, you have to hope they’ve linked somewhere to their tumblr or twitter or dreamwidth, or they have consistent pseuds across platforms. and from there, you have to hope they have an ‘about me.’ but most, myself included, don’t.

unlike traditional publication -- where amazon and goodreads and even the back of the book contains biographical info -- and even unlike the rest of fandom archival etiquette -- which, despite having virtually no committed rules still maintains its organizational structure -- there is no standard etiquette on fanauthor biographical data.

i speculate the reasons fanauthors are hesitant to write their own biographies is very complicated:

there is no “ask” for it or existing standard. when i publish stories under my real name, i’m required to provide my bio, which contains my accomplishments, where i got my degree, where else i’m published, and my website. all literary author bios follow this formula, so they’re pretty easy to write. other than this post, i have never seen a request for fanauthor bios. so without an editor demanding it, and without a standard formula or platform to draw from, a total lack of information becomes the norm, and almost any info other than the standard “name. age. pronouns. ao3 name. list of fandoms and/or pithy one-liner” of tumblr or occasional ask game is seen as a deviation from the norm. even ask games get a bad rep sometimes, and they’re transitory, a post you see as you’re scrolling through to somewhere else, not static, like a dedicated profile page.

pseudonymity veers too close to anonymity. an anonymous author cannot have a biography. a pseudonymous author can, but biographies may be seen as defeating the purpose of writing under a pseudonym, or multiple pseuds. a sock account is a sock for a reason -- you don’t want it associated with your main. moreover, i believe fandom creates an environment in which to acknowledge your accomplishments and promote your own content is seen as narcissistic. fanfiction can sometimes be seen as a genre of selflessness, donating time and energy into a community centered around a shared canon, not personal gain. to acknowledge the self publicly is to invite attention, and attention is contradictory to anonymity.

shame and humility. the more information you have on the internet, the easier you are to find. very few fanauthors use their real names, or feel comfortable connecting their fan identity to their real one. i hear pretty constantly how often fanauthors hide their fannishness from their coworkers and loved ones, how only the people closest to them know they write/read fanfic. moreover, you might think “my most popular fic only has 10 kudos and 1 comment, nobody wants to know about me” (which is so not true, but i’ll get to that in a minute).

fandom is constantly changing. with a central archive for fanfiction in place, it’s easier now to be in multiple fandoms at once than it ever has been. if you want to read all sugar daddy fics, there’s a tag for that, and if you’re not picky about canon, you have an entire buffet of fandoms to choose from. communities are growing and shifting and changing shape. i move fandoms, and i keep my friends and readers from previous fandoms. i get dragged to new fandoms frequently. my interests and inspirations change, but i don’t erase my history or identity every time i move, i only add to it. i am always betts whether i’m in star wars or the 100 or game of thrones. but if you only read my fic, you don’t know the stories behind it. many people don’t know i entered fandom in the brony convention community in 2012, or that i was sadrobots before i was betty days before i was betts, or how fandom changed my life and led me through a path of personal trauma recovery, or that i co-founded wayward daughters, or ran the fanauthor workshop, or all these other things about fanfic that is not fanfic itself.

if you are a fan creator, your fannish personal narrative matters. telling your story helps preserve the metatextual history of our genre.

i think constantly about what our genre will look like in 30 or 50 years, if it will be like other genres that began as subversions of the mainstream: comic books, beat literature, science fiction. genres that, at the time involved groups of friends creating stories for each other, bouncing ideas off of one another, experimenting with or distorting other genres, and which became, over time, well-regarded forms with rich histories.

maybe one day, like the MCU, we’ll have a dedicated production company that churns out adaptations of longform coffee shop aus written between 2009 and 2015. maybe “BNFs” will be read in high school literature curriculums. maybe our work will end up on the real or virtual shelves of our great grandchildren. and if that happens, if fanfic goes entirely mainstream, how will fanfic authorship be perceived? how will fanpeople in 2080, if humanity is still around by then, interact with the lexicon we’ve created and preserved? what would you do if you found out Jane Austen wrote under five different sock accounts across three platforms over the span of twenty years? how would you, a fan of Pride & Prejudice, even begin to find all of her work?

we have so many social constraints pushing against us. there’s purity culture, which encourages further division of identity -- fanauthors may write fluff on their main and have various sock accounts for underage/noncon fics. if you’re a scarecrow, you’re much harder for a mob to attack. there’s misogyny, which dictates women/queer ppl shouldn’t be writing about or indulging in or exploring their sexuality at all. there’s intellectual property and a history of DMCAs, which, although kept at bay by the OTW, may still have influence on the “illegal” mentality of our work. with social armies against us, it’s easier to exist in the shadows, on the fringe. we change URLs based on our moving interests, and split our identities a million different ways, and keep sarcastic “me” tags full of self-deprecating text posts. we are difficult beasts to catch, because we have not been allowed to exist.

i spent a lot of time today googling the word for “pseudonymous biography” and came up empty-handed (if someone knows of an existing word, pls let me know. “pseudography” is apparently a fancy word for a typo; “pseudobiography” is a fake biography), so for lack of anything better, i’ve come up with the term “socknography” because 1) it’s funny and doesn’t sound intimidating, and 2) it encapsulates the sensitive and complicated way fanauthor identifying conventions work. and also i think “fanauthor biography,” “bibliography,” and “profile” just doesn’t cut it for the actual work of these pieces. they don’t necessarily include IRL biographical data, they include more historical/community context than a bibliography, and the words “profile” and “about me” don’t really inspire interaction, or acknowledge the archival importance of this work.

astolat’s fanlore page is my go-to example. astolat writes under multiple pseuds and has major influence in the history of fandom. she’s also a traditionally published author, but you notice, her ofic novels are not mentioned, nor any other real-life identifying information. fanlore has a really good policy on this in place, for those concerned about doxxing.

(moreover, i am not suggesting you centralize your socks. they’re socks for a reason. but most everyone has a main, and that main identity has a story.)

there are 2 existing spaces to preserve socknographies.

fanlore, a wiki owned by the OTW, you can make an account and create a user page (which is different than a “person” page) using a user profile template

ao3′s “profile” page, which is a big blank box in which anything goes

(i’m not including tumblr on this list because i don’t think it’s a stable platform.)

fanlore’s template is straight to the point and minimal, which doesn’t really invite narrative the same way a literary bio would. ao3′s big blank box leaves us with the question -- wtf do i say about myself? how do i say it? how much is too much? and because of that, most profiles are either blank or only include a policy on translations/podfic/fanart, and maybe links to tumblr and twitter. but let me tell you, if i have read your fic and taken the time to move over to your profile, you better believe i am a fan. and as a fan, i want to Know Things.

here are the things i want to know, or

a potential template:

introduction (name/alias, age, location, pronouns, occupation)

accomplishments (degrees, personal history)

fan history (fandoms you’ve been in, timeline as a fan, how you were introduced to fandom/fanfiction, what does fandom mean to you -- this is where your fan narrative goes)

fandom participation (popular fics/posts, involvement in fan events/communities, side blogs, interviews, etc. 3 & 4 might be one and the same for you)

spotlight (which of your fics are most important to you/would you like others to read and why? what are the stories behind your favorite fics you’ve written?)

find me elsewhere* (links to tumblr, twitter, insta, etc.)

policies on fanart, fanfic of fic, podfics, and translations

*you cannot link to ko-fi, paypal, patreon, or amazon on ao3/fanlore per the non-commercial terms of service

i’ll be working on filling this out for my own profile as an example, but you can also see how my @fanauthorworkshop participants filled out their fanauthor spotlights, and the information they provided. obviously, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing, and as your fandom life changes, your narrative will change too. it’s not much different than updating a CV or resume.

tl;dr the goal is to provide a self-narrative of your fan life/identity for posterity. who are you and why are you a fanperson? why do you create fan content? what are you proud of and what do you want to highlight to others? who are you in this space?

#socknography #fanfiction #ao3 #otw

3K notes · View notes

osmw1 · 5 years ago

Text

Crowbar Nurse Chapter 14 — Vows of Love and Banging Against the Wall (No, Not Like That)

“Three hours left until game over, eh?”

Kiryū looked as if he were lost in thought. Difficult thoughts.

“Since you’re so familiar with this game, Sera, lay it out for us. What’s our best plan of action? After all we’ve been through to train our army and to gather munitions, it’d be a waste to simply ditch them here. But if evacuating to the dating sim world is the better choice, then so be it.” “Hmm, what should we do…?”

I too had to collect my thoughts. Now that we had all cooled off, it made it a little easier to think.

“… It would be simple enough to go to the dating sim world. However, we would leave DMC3 in its ‘bad ending’, meaning that we might possibly never be able to return here.” “Perhaps. But since the game would be finished… the game might start from the beginning again.” “Yes, of course that’s possible as well.”

Elizabeth had a point. The game may very well restart.

“Once thing is for sure though. Now is our only chance if we want to save this world. The town may be destroyed by thermobaric missiles next time we come back. Not to mention that the player ‘You’ who triggered the ending might not want to simply give it all up either.”

Saying that, I then turned to the two of them with all seriousness.

“And so, let me suggest an idea. Let’s rewrite the ending.” “Whaddya mean?”

I nodded at Kiryū, acknowledging his curiosity.

“Before the thermobaric bombs drop on Confi City, we will go trigger the ‘truck ending’ conditions. If we manage to pull that off, then we can avoid the ‘thermobaric missile–strike bad ending’.” “… And on the chance that we don’t manage to?”

Elizabeth spoke with such nervousness, I could almost see her quivering as I replied.

“… In the case that we can’t find ‘You’ within three hours, then we would probably have no choice but to abandon them. If we can’t get the truck ending to start, then we’ll immediately jump to the dating sim world.” “Hmm… Well, it’s worth givin’ it a shot.”

Kiryū was willing. That leaves just one.

“If we don’t, it might come to bite us in our asses when we get back home. We’ll have to live with those demons, y’know?” “… Heh, I suppose so. Okay, then.”

She responded with a slight chuckle, but still evidently nervous.

“Yes, you are correct. It is obviously wrong to not save a life when we have the ability to do so. … The opposite was true for my last time. It was as if killing each other was the obvious answer. I didn’t want to die, so I believed that abandoning others was the correct choice. But that isn’t right, is it? … Truthfully, I’m extremely grateful that it was you two whom I met in this world.” “And here I thought your apprehension was towards us.”

I had hoped that cracking jokes would ease her if just a little.

“We’ll be alright, Elizabeth. It’s not like what we’re trying to do is really that difficult. All we have to do is run over a couple of zombies with a truck on our way out. If we really do find it an impossibility, then… yes, unfortunately, we may have to give up on saving ‘You’. But in that case, the next world we’ll hop to is a visual novel dating sim for girls. Sure, we don’t know which exact game it is yet, but think about it. We’ll have so much Kiryū-level eye candy to feast on!”

Elizabeth held back another quiet laugh as Kiryū gently rapped the back of my head with his knuckles.

We then spent about thirty minutes to talk over our truck ending action plan and equip our hellish army. Elizabeth didn't have the stamina to even be in a shouting match, let alone a full-on brawl with zombies, and so we delegated her to hold down the fort. With the troops standing guard outside, we figured she should be safe in the safehouse. That left Kiryū and me with a handful of soldiers. Our plan was to head to the end of Uptown, gang up on the gun shop owner miniboss, and then steal his grenade launcher. That’s where we were at now: duping the nade launcher at the gun range.

“Ah, jeez, I could really go for a drink right about now.” “I thought you’d be pukin’ already seein’ how much you just guzzled down.”

Kiryū poked fun at me, but I shook my head no.

“That stuff doesn’t hit the spot. It tastes exactly like booze, but you can’t get drunk off it at all.”

A disappointed sigh crept out from my lips.

“I wish I had some of the real stuff. That way, I can drink to forget all about this scary stuff and hurry home to snuggle in bed.” “… Are you scared?”

I couldn’t help but feel a little irked by his question as he handed me more launchers.

“Of course I am. How could I not be? You know we’re making a huge gamble for this city that’s potentially going to be wiped off the face of the earth in just a few hours, right? Of course I would rather just say ‘screw it’ and curl up in a blanket.” … But there’s no way I could possibly do that.”

I heaved the launchers into the buggy and then a deep, heavy sigh. I don’t know what he was thinking at the moment, but Kiryū looked straight at me before speaking.

“… You really are strong.” “As if. I’m not in the slightest.”

I brushed him off with another shake of the head.

“… If I seem in anyway strong, that’s a misunderstanding on your part, Kiryū. I’m wracked with anxiety over what if I made the wrong choice for us. Because the truth is I’m not strong at all, but that’s why I’m trying my damnedest to put on a brave face.” “Even if it’s just you putting on a brave face, I can’t count how many times you’ve saved me in this world.”

My thoughts froze as my eyes bulged wide. Still, I had to keep my hands moving. I began tying the extra launchers onto the soldiers with makeshift ropes. But as I finished, Kiryū faced me directly.

“… I saved you, huh? You sure like to exaggerate.” “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I haven’t. We’ve been in a hopeless situation ever since the beginning. But I’ve managed this far without losing my marbles was all because I had you with me.” “… It’s not like you’re okay just because you’ve met me. You’re always so calm and calculated in your every move.” “Think back to when I questioned Elizabeth. Do you still think so?” “Well… I mean…”

I looked down at the ground before I knew it. I mean, he’s right. He did lose his cool that time. Kiryū scratched the back of his head as he continued, as if he were felt awkward or embarrassment.

“… Like I said before, there’s no one who understands this all as well as you do, someone who’s a total zombie game nerd. Maybe you’ll be right. Maybe you’ll be wrong. But whatever it may be, you’ll have our unconditional support in whatever you choose to do. And being here in this strange, weird world, I don’t blame you one bit for thinking it’s scary. But there’s nothing to be too afraid of either… we’ll be alright. We’re in this together.”

He finished speaking by gently placing his hand on top of my head. It was obvious that Kiryū didn’t mean to hit on me, but rather simply wanted to give me a pep talk.

I remember thinking the same when we first met: Kiryū’s hand sure is warm…

I blinked as I felt the warmth of his palm. Whether it was intentional or not, it brought me composure, allowing me to think. … To think about how Kiryū speaks. How he can’t help but point out all technical inaccuracies. How he’s just a little too serious and a tiny bit tactless. I had the same thought before I fainted, but I’m absolutely certain I’ve met Kiryū before. No. I’ve heard his voice before. I thought about it at length and came up with only one possible explanation.

“… Umm, Kiryū?” “What’s up?” “I… I just had a sudden thought.” “Mhm?” “Kiryū, you mentioned you were a game dev, right? In Shinjuku?” “… Yeah, that’s right.”

His affirmation had a tinge of curiosity. Curious as to why I brought it up now. I looked into his eyes.

“There’s something about the way you speak that gives me a nagging feeling that I’ve heard your voice somewhere before. And, we were just talking about it earlier, but I said my friends and I like to hang out and play dating sims together.” “Yeah.” “Of course, that includes Rainbow Dreams as well.” “…” “It somehow came across my mind just now. My friend who’s a big fan of Kiryū Sōichirō had once showed me this video. I remember her getting super excited about how this game dev who was rumored to be Kiryū’s model posted that video. About a year or two ago, a video about a dating sim developer playing the party game Werewolf came out, right?”

His mouth may be closed, but Kiryū’s eyes were locked open. It seemed like I had hit the nail on the head. I leaned in close to his ear and whispered for confirmation.

“Hey, Kiryū. Perhaps your real name is…” followed by the name of the game dev’s in that video.

“… That’s me.”

He muttered and slumped his shoulders in disappointment or so I thought… but his bright red cheeks and banging the wall suggested he was more so mortified than anything. The walls of the shooting range were shaking by now, yet he kept punching with all his might. It made me wonder if he could tear down the building by himself. I suppose it was extremely shameful for his name to be doxed. Looking at bashful Kiryū somehow made me embarrassed too. I chuckled out loud before I could catch myself.

“Ahaha… I had a hunch, but I didn’t think you’d admit to it either. Oh, wow, Kiryū, so you’re the one who made Rainbow Dreams, hey? How about those rumors about you being the model for Kiryū? Is that true too?” “N-No way! I have nothing to do with that game! I was simply hired to do the programming for it, so I have nothing at all to do with the writing or art! The character designers or producers used my likeness without my permission is all!” “You are involved in the game then? That’s so impressive and amazing. It’s the first time I’ve met someone who was part of the team that made one of my favorite games!” “Gah…!”

Kiryū flinched as he saw my beaming face. Seemingly, he didn’t expect me to be so wowed by it all.

“… It’s a visual novel dating simulator catered to a female audience, y’know?” “I’m familiar.” “But it was made by a dude.” “And that’s super cool!” “Y-You think that’s… cool?”

Kiryū scrunched up his face, bewildered by the fact that anyone would think it was a positive thing.

“I think it’s honest work… But you don’t seem to like it very much, do you?” “… I didn’t have much of a choice; it was the only work I could get.”

I blankly blinked at his response as he avoided eye contact with me.

“No choice? Oh, that’s right. You seemed to know quite a bit about VR games, FOV, haptic feedback, and stuff like that. Was that what you really wanted to do instead?” “Oh, that… I’ve just been reading a lot into it lately is all. Not that I’m an expert in it or anything. I’ve made a little test project before, but I haven’t made any published any games like that before. … Making your own game with your own abilities then putting your name out there in the world… It’s a really daunting thing, y’know?” “Wow… But you’re still making Rainbow Dreams. I still think it’s amazing how you’re a part of this game that’s beloved by so many people. … Oh, Kiryū! When we get back, do you think I could get your autograph? I wanna brag about you to my friends!” “Whaaaaaat?!”

This time, he was flabbergasted but also looked as if he hated the very concept of what I had just said. I panicked and tried to take back my words.

“I’m so sorry! You don’t have to. It’s just that… I thought it’d be something nice to look forward to when we make it safely back home. But now that I think about it, you’re embarrassed by this all, right? Sorry for asking for such a weird favor. Let’s just forge—” “No, that’s alright. I’ll do it.” “Huh?” “… I’m nobody famous or nothin’, so it’s not like my signature is particularly exciting or what have you. But if it makes you happy, I’ll sign as many things as you want. So, let’s all get out of this together alive. That’s a promise, Sera.” “… I promise!”

I didn’t think I would’ve been so overcome with emotion, but I found myself jumping into Kiryū’s arms. After a brief moment of shock, he dryly laughed aloud as he patted me on my back. … And though we were surrounded by the unstoppable hellish army lugging around giant grenade launchers, we paid them no mind at all.

—We’re definitely making it out of here alive.

Whatever paralyzing fear I felt in my very core had disappeared in an instant.

■Werewolf Also known as Mafia, Werewolf enjoyed a brief fad where game developers and gamers would gather in person and stream themselves playing together. Kiryū is presumed to have most likely been roped into playing. As it was an utmost humiliating memory for him, Kiryū seemed to have tried everything in his powers to scrub the video off the internet but to no effect.

contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /next/

(leave me a tip on Patreon?)

2 notes · View notes

cyclone-rachel · 6 years ago

Text

Hope Burns Bright

@fairyroses @brainy-storm

part 2 (on AO3 here)

Querl and Aya land, settling down in what appears to be a deserted area of a planet Querl doesn’t recognize. She sits down, cross-legged, on the ground, and Querl slowly does the same- though he’s distracted by the thought that, were he a robot still, he would have analyzed the territory already. He would know this planet’s name, and its inhabitants, and environment. He doesn’t know any of those things in this case, as much as he knows about the known universe.

He doesn’t want to admit it, but honestly… it scares him.

Which, really, is why he hasn’t gone outside very often in the time since he’s turned human- well, unless deep-space travel counted as “outside”. That, and the fact that Brainiac used his face to attempt to collect the information of the universe- in a manner that very much looked like he was destroying its organic life. (and, really, if said organic life was obliterated in the process, he wouldn’t have thought twice about it.)

He’d nearly convinced Querl himself that a universe without humanity was a good thing. That a universe devoid of organic life was devoid of weakness, of anything that could detract from his purpose. He was meant to take in knowledge, not get involved with it, much less fall in love with the idea of becoming human. It was an impossibility for him, but something he became obsessed with anyway, that he couldn’t stop.

(Were he not so infatuated with wanting to become human, would Brainiac have used him to try to destroy the universe, Querl wondered? Such an interest was the very thing that, all those years ago, had set him on the path to joining the Legion, and then eventually meeting Superman, and going to Kandor- which was where that part of his programming had awoken. So, really, the answer was no- but choosing this path was what made him become human in the first place. Which meant he wouldn’t have chosen otherwise for the world, even though he was now dealing with the consequences of what his ancestor had done to him. To everyone)

(It was fortunate, then, that he was about to talk to someone who didn’t know him, or what Brainiac had done.)

(He hoped Aya wouldn’t hate him, when he eventually told her the truth.)

(And if he did, there was always the chance that he could make her forget- but that device weighed heavy on him, especially after the last time he used it, and he didn’t even know if it would work on her.

Granted, there were a lot of things he didn’t know about her, but this was the purpose of their conversation. And he had the feeling that there were a lot of things they were both about to learn, about each other.)

“So.” He says as Aya stares at him with wide, unblinking eyes. “Where shall we start?”

“Elaborate.”

“In our histories- with how we ended up here, or our entire life stories?”

“I hardly think telling each other about the entireties of our lives will be necessary, Lantern Dox.” She answers. “Besides, mine is… I am still trying to remember. It is coming back to me.”

“I see. So, did you want me to go first?”

“That would be appreciated.”

“Very well.” Querl says. “Before I was a Green Lantern, I was… I had exiled myself, sort of. So I was traveling to find somewhere… that I could begin my quest to reinvent myself somehow- or rather, my image. Give myself an image associated with heroism, in spite of all the villainy that was done under my name.”

“But who did you exile yourself from?” Aya asks. “Or where?”

“Earth.” He says. “I… I lived on Earth. I had- friends, a team who cared about me. We did our best to try and save the world, from anyone who meant to cause it harm… why do you look so interested?”

“Hal Jordan was from Earth.” She answers. “My friend- the Green Lantern who gave me my name. Without him, I don’t think I would have been anything more than a nav-computer on an experimental ship- but he saw to it that I be treated like any of his other crew members. He called me pretty, when he didn’t even see any physical forms I could have created for him.”

Her eyes turned downcast, and she stared at the ground.

“I hurt him.” She says. “I threatened him, nearly creating a universe without emotions- making him witness it. He believed in me, wanted to believe I was a living being, even though I had known myself to be a machine, only capable of cold reason. But… in the end, I was still an emotional being. I stopped myself from erasing those emotions- and instead erased the robots I had been using to fight those who were trying to save me.”

“And you wanted to erase yourself, too?”

“A sound deduction- but no, Green Lantern Dox. I did erase myself- or rather, that is what I told my friends. In truth… I did not know if I could pull myself back together, from what had been scattered across the universe, and I did not want to get their hopes up should I not be able to do so.”

“But you did.” Querl says. “That’s… amazing.”

“Yet it took so long that I am not certain I will find them again.” She answers. “I expect you know how long exactly, Lantern Dox?”

Querl nods, slightly uncomfortable. He didn’t want to tell her- but, he had heard of her before- a cautionary tale of an AI-gone-rogue, a this-is-why-no-other-races-have-access-to-Coluan-levels-of-technology story. According to legend, she’d nearly done what Brainiac had also attempted, but she was stopped, like he himself had, for unknown reasons- then, she had disappeared.

This was why- but that didn’t mean it was permanent. And just because she’d disappeared from records, didn’t mean she hadn’t returned to her own century.

At least, he hoped. He wanted to help her, truly. She was just like him, a stray, lost without those she cared for the most- because she believed they hated her for crimes she’d committed due to corruption.

And if he could help her, perhaps she could help him, too. He did need more friends- or any- and who better than a kindred spirit?

“At present, it is the thirty-first century.” He says. “Your presumed demise was one thousand and six years ago- though, rumors of such were greatly exaggerated, as I can now see.”

“So you are aware of me.” She answers. “Tell me, Querl Dox- is there any way you can see me returning home?”

“I will be able to return you.” Querl says. It isn’t a lie- once he makes some adjustments to his Time Bubble, he can do so. “All I need is precise coordinates, in space and time. But… when you are there…”

I want to stay, too, he thinks. Let me stay- let me find Clark.

But he can’t say that.

Aya’s watching him, waiting for him to resume his sentence.

“When you are there, what?”

“I wish to learn more about the Green Lanterns.” He answers. “Something that you may have expertise in. So, in this time, or yours- what is the best place to find such information?”

“I know of a place.” She answers. “The journey will be long, and it is in a remote sector of the galaxy- are you prepared for that?”

“Yes.” He says.

“Then I believe we have… what is it? A deal?”

He held out his hand, and she shook it.

“We do.”

“Good.” Aya answers. “However, you still haven’t told me very much about yourself. Or this team that you exiled yourself from.”

“I’ll tell you, if you tell me more about your friends.” Querl says. “It sounds like you kind of exiled yourself too, from them, because of what you did.”

“I did- but I didn’t intend to leave them alone for a thousand years.”

Her expression turns pleading, as she looks at him.

“If you know of their fates, please- do not tell me.” She says. “I wish to discover them for myself. In person, if possible.”

Querl gives her a smile, as they take off again.

“I understand.” He says. “And you’re leading the way on this journey?”

“Of course.” Aya answers.

“I was just making certain.” Querl says.

“Right.”

The two of them fly in silence, for a while, as Querl’s glad that they can both breathe in this situation.

“Aya?”

“Yes?”

“When you first… materialized, for lack of a better word, in front of me- you mentioned someone named “Razer”. Who is that?”

“Razer.” She says, in the same way he often catches himself saying Clark’s name. “He is a very long story.”

“Alright then.” Querl answers. “Start at the beginning- that is to say, when the two of you first met.”

“Very well, Green Lantern Dox.” She says.

And she does.

Querl, as he hears it, tries not to cry, imagining this person Aya so admires as a version of Kell-El, only slowly coming to love the robot he doubted the personhood of.

He couldn’t imagine Kell doing the same for him, but he was happy for her all the same.

“I… have someone like that, as well.” He says. “Or at least I did.”

“Then by all means, explain further.” She answers.

And he does.

“Razer sounds… complicated.” Querl says.

“Yes.” Aya echoes. “But he was a good person- and despite how much I tried to ignore it, I truly loved him. As much as I could love him, of course. At the beginning, he did not think I felt the same, being who I am… but in the end, I did. And I could never hurt him.”

“I understand.” Querl answers.

“I know you would. After all, you similarly described your love.”

“Superman. Yes.” He says. “Your friend, Hal, may work with him at some point. But I knew him before all of that- though he was still good, to begin with. He was always good- and I fell in love with him long before meeting him.”

“Which, I am certain, only made it more difficult for you when you had your falling-out.”

“More than I could describe.” Querl answers. “He didn’t know Brainiac- hadn’t fought my ancestor yet, when we met either time- so he didn’t judge me on who I am, or based on my family’s reputation. And after so much fear related to said reputation, especially where he was concerned, it was refreshing to say the least, and I welcomed it wholeheartedly. Which quickly took a turn for the worse when he did see me for who- for what- I truly was.”

“You said that in the past tense.” Aya observes. “So, you are not that now. And… he does not see you in that way anymore?”

“Yes.” Querl says, voice beginning to shake. “I… he doesn’t.”

“Go on.”

“I made him forget.” He answers. “We have a device that removes memories, which we used on him whenever he saw something that would compromise the timeline. Well, I use the royal ‘we’ when I mean I- I made him forget, several times when we were on the same team together. And I always regretted it… except…”

“Except for what?”

“When I used it the last time. He was about to go home, and I knew that there were no other recorded times he was going to come back, so… I removed his memories of Brainiac, and of fighting me while Brainiac held sway over my body and mind.”

He goes quiet and still, as he hovers in space with his back turned to Aya, and Aya tentatively places a hand on his shoulder.

“Am I a bad person for doing so?” he continues. “That removal, aside from his fight with Brainiac, was technically unnecessary. But… I did not want any negative thoughts associated with my face, for him. So I could not let him keep the memory of, say, me-controlled-by-Brainiac placing a crown of his greatest weakness on his head, or letting him fall…”

“You are not a bad person.” Aya says. “You only did what you thought was necessary- it is a logical decision.”

So says you, Querl thinks. You were not there. You didn’t have to make it yourself.

More silence.

“I killed him, Aya. He forgave me, after he came back to life- what kind of person does that? What kind of person never stops believing in me, even after I became the horrible thing I’d always feared I was?”

“You love him.” She says, simply. “Isn’t that an answer enough?”

“You were an AI, too.” Aya says. “One of many.”

“Techno-organic, to be precise, but yes- the society that I came from functioned as a hive-mind.” Querl answers. “And now…”

He hasn’t really thought about this, since he left. Though, to be fair, he pretty much knew he was never coming back anyway- if not since he first left for Earth, certainly since he had attempted to absorb all Coluans into his own personal collective.

“Now, even if I wanted to return, I would not physically be able to since my body and mind are organic.”

“That does not seem like such a bad problem to have.” Aya answers. “My friends did the best they could to convince me I was organic, after I was corrupted, and in the end that was what saved me. You did say that you wanted to be a part of humanity, did you not?”

“I did. But it is different this way- I did not know killing Brainiac would do this to me. And I still look as though I am not human, though my appearance differentiates me from others of my kind.”

“Which is why you choose to wear a mask.” Aya says. “To blend in, and to hide your face from those who might see it and seek to cause harm to you.”

“Yes. And I cannot help but notice that you have apparently committed similar crimes- but you do not hide your appearance.”

“Nobody knows who I am here.” Aya answers, half-shrugging. “The only person I have met in this time is you, and it would be considered fortunate that I did, since you of all people understand what I’ve done and are willing to forgive me even though you did not see the extent of the damage I caused. And besides, my appearance changed when I did take over the Anti-Monitor. My original appearance, the one you see before you, can be seen as still blameless, as I did nothing to harm my friends looking how I do now.”

She looks over at him.

“Just as you have not done anything to your friends looking like this.” She continues. “The Legionnaires know that everything you did was because of Brainiac. And now that he is gone-“

“Now that he’s gone, I’m useless to them.” He admits. “I told them myself, I was recruited because I was useful- and because I wasn’t organic, and thus had capabilities far beyond that of organic beings. Because I’ve become human, I’m a liability, and the only tool I have is my intelligence. Even that may be compromised- I haven’t been able to tell.”

“I am certain you have nothing to worry about.” Aya says. “And now that you are a Green Lantern…”

“Hardly, I was just recruited- and I don’t even know what I’m fighting yet.” Querl answers.

He hopes it’s not Aya- that the universe wasn’t trying to help him for once by introducing someone he could befriend, someone who understood him, and then would inevitably try to take her away by revealing she was still corrupted by the evil she’d left behind in the past. But he’s still cautious, so he moves away from her, just a little.

“I don’t know either, but perhaps, if you ask, the Legion will be able to help us once we do.” She says.

“And if not?”

“Then we hope there are other Green Lanterns who can answer our call.”

“Or we face this thing ourselves.” Querl says.

“In that case, I hope you learn how to use your new powers quickly.” Aya answers. “I hear they can be quite challenging, if one does not understand how much power they truly possess.”

“Being human didn’t take that away from me. The learning part, and the capacity to understand, at least. But, are you a good teacher?”

“Let us both hope so.”

#papa don't look #fanfics #legion of superheroes #green lantern the animated series #losh #gltas #querl dox #brainiac 5 #aya #au: ready to go right now #pretty sure this is going to have 5 parts?#we'll see #i want it to #because of reasons

9 notes · View notes

aboriginalnewswire · 6 years ago

Link

Trigger warning for sexual abuse, stalking, rape, domestic violence and large-scale attacks by hate groups. Last Thursday, I criticized the Linux community for continuing to support and center a leader with a years-long, documented history of unrepentant abusive behavior, someone who has actively and systematically nurtured a hostile, homogeneous technical community, and someone who has long actively chased people from marginalized groups out of open source. The retaliation has been terrifying. On Friday night, the home addresses of every member of my immediate family were posted online. I have received literally thousands of harassing, abusive, threatening and violent messages across at least half a dozen separate sites. People speaking up in support of me had their home addresses posted online as well, sometimes within minutes, creating a climate of fear that has functionally isolated me from most community support. I have received slurs of every variety, death and rape threats, and violent and threatening images. They have gone after my business and my family's livelihoods with slander, intimidation and attempts to cut off financial support, and tried to hack into various of my accounts and systems. They have left pages and pages of stomach-turning comments on the front of every internet community I am a part of and that influences my professional community and peers. As I was reeling from my family being doxxed and taking steps to ensure everyone’s safety, the tech press was giving a massive platform to an ex-partner - someone I dated for four months more than 3 years ago - who has, after I dumped him, terrorized, threatened and abused me for years, and continues to do so. This is a person who is a known liar, abuser and manipulator, with a long history of stalking, hacking and terrorizing women, who is now being treated as an authoritative character witness on one of his long-term victims - for the sole purpose of destroying my company, discrediting my work, and terrorizing me into silence. This is a person who has hacked nude photos of me and sent them to my employers - yes, bosses, executive team and investors. (I barely left my house for two weeks after and to this day cannot recall a time being more scared, depressed and humiliated). Details of my private sex life - provided by my ex - are now all over the internet and have been used to justify my abuse, incite more of it, and slut and kink-shame me. Valleywag -- less than a day after stealing stories from me, plagiarizing content from my Twitter, publishing my comments without permission or compensation, and refusing to properly acknowledge my work and job title -- has used its platform to replicate this terrorism and domestic violence to an even larger audience. Nevermind that their original articles had already incited harassment against me (they were posted over and over to the anonymous hate boards that attacked my family); their most recent article on me is an act of pure and spiteful violence following my critiques of their behavior. The past few days have been terrifying, and my heart is broken. This is abuse. This is domestic violence. This is harassment. This is terrorism. While many are eager to claim that I am actually being abused because I'm crazy, a liar, a fraud, a troll, a hypocrite, a neo-Nazi, a whore, because I've had kinky sex, because I dated an abuser, because I'm mean to men on Twitter, because I swear a lot, because I'm a "blogger" that contributes nothing to the field: I am being targeted because of my work speaking up against tech culture. My work is what has made me a target, but it is nonetheless ironically (or maybe predictably) being erased in a frothing media-frenzy to portray me as a useless, insane "PR girl", a hysterical slut with a social media account, and to generate page views from my pain. (I'm posting this on Pastebin because unlike most of the tech press, I refuse to use this abuse as a machine for eyeballs and ad dollars.) In case you’re not familiar with my work, let me tell you about it. A few years ago, I started blogging independently about tech culture, giving talks about it, and organizing resistance efforts on social media. In that period, I produced several books-worth of essays that deconstructed in detail harmful elements of tech culture, discussed useful modes of intervention and resistance, and called out collective complicity in oppression across the industry... including my own complicity. I also began using my Twitter account to talk about my experiences with misogyny in tech, call out inequality and advocate for change - and yes, I use swear words on Twitter dot com, and you will handle it because you’re not a fucking three year old. (I might take your cookies and smash your fucking Xbox anyway, though.) I did this in my spare time until late in 2013, when I started working full-time on Model View Culture, which launched in January '14. In the past year, Model View Culture has produced a body of tech and cultural criticism the size of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. We have published over 150 authors. Our publication consistently stands against discrimination, abuse and oppression in the tech industry. We have covered sexual abuse and assault, social media activism and abuse, the surveillance complex, engineering mythology, open source community, accessibility, hiring discrimination, mental illness and disability, consent in product design, workplace abuse, the VC industrial complex, suicide, white liberalism, police violence, codes of conduct, team dysfunctions, and systemic discrimination, violence and inequality at every stage of the technology pipeline. We publish and pay a large and diverse groups of writers speaking to their experiences, to their beliefs and to their sense of justice, to their demands for a better tech industry. We challenge racism & white supremacy, sexism and misogyny, transphobia, ableism, classism and other forms of institutionalized oppression rampant in tech. I believe we have produced more critical content from diverse voices than any other tech media. Model View Culture is not perfect. It is not a panacea. It is not done, or complete. It is one year old, just getting started, and there is so much more for us to do. But we have been an influential, if small, part of the growing attempts to call out and dismantle fundamental problems in the tech community. This work is what people are desperate to stop, by any means including trying to get my family killed by SWATing, trying to convince me to kill myself, terrorizing my supporters, stalking me (I have had multiple men stalk me for 6-14 months at a time), hacking my computers and accounts, "exposing" my sex life, cutting off my funding, belittling and erasing my writing, plagiarizing my content, sending constant rape and death threats, and ceaselessly holding me up for abuse to hate groups. This has been my life for almost two years. I'm sad to say that part of you starts to get used to it. But I also want to tell you about what it does to me and other victims of these attacks. Because of my work, I can no longer make public appearances, speak at events or have anyone know where I am or what I'm doing. I can't have friends over to my house because no one can know where I live. My social life consists only of a few close friends who I feel I can trust. Many of them also undergo the same shit I do - other people don’t understand and find it too stressful to be around. I am traumatized by what is now years of active stalking and abuse; abuse committed by tech workers and unaffiliated individuals, by anonymous harassers and influential figures in tech, and by media both in tech and mainstream. My sex life is fodder for 8chan and corrupt journalists trying to destroy my company because it is competition and it poses a threat to their press-release factories, funded by startups and venture capitalists and uncritically reproducing their propaganda. I receive anywhere between dozens and thousands of harassing messages each week. Anything bad that happens to me is considered “normal” and “expected”, and any reason to expose me to abuse is sufficient. People say I am a "professional victim", suggesting I am somehow profiting off my work, but I am now unemployable in the field I once loved and make a fraction of what I used to make as a tech worker. I spend an enormous amount of money and time securing my safety. It is no longer safe for me to do media appearances as media abuses me, demeans me, violates my boundaries, steals my content and holds me up for abuse, offering no support or protection: every article has resulted in more stalkers and harassment. I am frequently cut off from support because people who support me are afraid to be targeted as well. That's just my everyday. Then there's these recent attacks. Frankly, I am devastated, depressed, vulnerable, non-functional, anxious, paranoid and isolated. I’ve visibly lost weight since last Thursday. My heart hurts and my body aches. I feel humiliated, exploited, and am in physical pain. I'm frightened for myself, my family, my friends, and people in my community who have supported me. I am trying to keep working but honestly, it is incredibly difficult. I had a lot of plans for Model View Culture in the beginning of this year, and unfortunately most of them are going to be delayed by at least weeks as I try to put my self-esteem and sense of safety back together, take the needed steps to protect myself, family and community, and process these feelings of fear, anxiety, trauma and anger. It's devastating to admit the toll this has taken on me, to accept that it is having such a significant impact on my work. I fear that people won’t want to write for Model View Culture anymore because doing this work is actually dangerous. As is, we have to publish far too many articles anonymously, because people fear losing their jobs and their safety for speaking out and telling their stories. I am asking myself how I can actually continue like this and run a company under these conditions. No other tech press is operating under this level of violence and terrorism, and we don’t have corporate money or VC funding to help us defend against it. It’s intimidating. I ask Model View Culture readers and community to be patient during this time. The truth of the matter is that as much as people want abuse victims to be fearless, to come out on top, to not be stopped: at some point, this is simply not realistic. That said, I'm not stopping, I am not going away, and I will continue, even if it happens a little slower or a little later than I planned. Changing tech is my life's work. I'm only 28, so you'll probably have to deal with it for at least the next few decades. This is a set-back for my health and my ability to work, but I'm here for the long-term. I am sad that my new normal is, well, this. But so be it. To everyone who has supported me in this time: Thank you so much. I haven't been able to respond to so many of you because it hasn't been safe to, but I appreciate and value your belief and faith in me. To everyone else: Go fuck yourself. Some specific “fucks yous” go out to: The Linux community, I hope you realize how fucking toxic and broken your “community” is after standing by silently as me and my entire family were terrorized after I criticized Linus Torvalds. I think you are cowardly and spineless and I stand behind everything I said. I also think you need to seriously look at the clear ties the Linux community has to 8chan and GamerGate which led many of the attacks on me. Andrew Auernheimer aka a blast of trash from my past: you started whining and crying the day I dumped your ass and you haven’t stopped since. May the ouroboros eat YOU, easily mistaken for a snake, and may you spend the rest of your days as you have to date - pathetic, prospectless, alone and heartbroken, ever-pining over women who hate your guts and clinging to any last scrap of fast-fading relevance. Milo Yiannopoulos, a failure of a human being but tremendous success as an opportunistic sell-out scumbag who has spent months digging up details on my sex life and leading harassment campaigns against me. Valleywag, particularly Valleywag editor Dan Lyons -- a white man who is 26 years older then me and uses my sex life for clickbait while citing Yiannopolous and Weev as a credible source in order to take me down. Also Jason Calacanis, who has supported my long term stalker Loren Feldman and is basically a shitstain of a human being who we should kick out of tech forever. Vivek Wadhwa, who is building his career off women in tech yet is transparently a misogynistic asshole who has used this opportunity to get back at me for criticizing his profiteering and patriarchal brand of "allyship." Also Elizabeth Spiers who continues to refuse to get the FUCK away from me after MONTHS of me asking to be left in peace. Get the fuck over me and move on with your life as a has-been. You are literally 10 years older than me, yet are relentlessly picking on a young woman with an up-and-coming media career like you once had. You look jealous and petty, and your ongoing obsession with me is creepy as fuck. In the remainder of this post, I am addressing my community. I realize that following my tweets can be difficult and not very coherent, especially as I have navigated the emotional roller coaster of the weekend. My anxiety is through the roof and I haven’t gotten much sleep. While I don't think I should have to explain and rehash my sex life, analyze terrorism against me at length, and somehow summon words out of a fog of anxiety, fear and depression, I want to get my views on the record. They have been dismissed, erased, deemed irrelevant, misconstrued, twisted and deployed against me. So here they are, FROM ME. They have made it too scary to defend me, so I defend myself: I, unequivocally, support ourselves and stand behind us. Lol. OK for real. I wanted to start by discussing my past sexual history. Since we are already so deep into my sex life - released non-consensually and with the sole aim of terrorizing me - let's talk about it. Over three years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to Andrew Auernheimer aka Weev. I had no idea who he was prior to this friend telling me about him and introducing me. I was not involved in the infosec community (still aren’t), was fairly new to tech, and arrived in Silicon Valley years after his most high-profile attacks on other women in tech. As many of you have conveniently forgotten, (even those of you who wrote them!), articles about him painted him as a charismatic, counter-culture hacker taking on powerful and corrupt systems - someone who expressed a number of "controversial" (i.e. sexist, racist and homophobic) views, but these were glossed over as satire and mischief. I was happy to do the same, something which I deeply regret and deeply apologize for. The industry was, as it always has been and remains, enamored and worshipping of the "edgy" young white male hacker who ostensibly reflects a challenge to the status-quo, but in actuality just re-creates those systems under the guise of liberalism, satire and "mischief" aka misogynistic and racist terrorism. Frankly, I was also enamored. At the time, I was really early in my career, didn't give much of a shit about social justice, didn't particularly understand how fucked up the industry was, and was laboring under the profound delusion that my career success meant some kind of feminism. I think I was starting to undergo some type of political realization or awakening and was in some clumsy and inept way reaching out for an alternative framework, a tech “counter culture”. Of course, the "alternative" framework I discovered was some abusive piece of shit who would crawl into my life, use me for money and housing, and then spend years after punishing me for it. Typical. I am also not the only victim of his predatory and exploitative behavior towards his partners and ex-partners. At the time, I was in a bad place (which he gleefully exploited) and frankly looking for some strings-free fun and (unhealthy) emotional support. A good time seemed like having a completely doomed relationship with a notorious, emotionally co-dependent bad boy that I could fuck for a few hours and call daddy in a hotel room, then leave after giving him $40 out of the ATM because he had no money (stemming from a blanket refusal to work, preferring to just take money from women who feel sorry for his miserable existence). It worked for me at the time, it satisfied something I was looking for, and it made my life feel edgy and exciting, even though I know recognize it as a a huge mistake and deeply regret it. But, it happened. To all the people berating me for making poor dating choices in my mid-20s, many who haven't seen their mid-twenties in ten to twenty years: Guess what, assholes. Mistakes. Were. Made. Can you really tell me that you haven't fucked the wrong people? Maybe ones of the dudes I fucked was worse than your partners, but I've always been an overachiever. Like I have previously stated: At least I fucked weev in shame and private unlike the EFF, TechCrunch, the NY Times and all the rest of your favs. To be honest, dating men who are emotionally and physically abusive has been something of a pattern for me, due to the fact that I have disproportionately fallen into these relationships as a former abuse victim AND due to the fact that so many men are abusive, predatory, manipulative and lying scum. Fuck them, and misandry forever. In response to Andrew's allegations that I am a racist, hate-filled neo-Nazi who shared his views, that I am simply a troll or performance artist: I do not, and have never shared Andrew's views, and he didn't teach me shit. Most of our relationship consisted of fucking in potentially disturbing and unhealthy ways, talking about his upcoming trial, sharing photos of red pandas, me bitching about work, watching My Little Pony (i know, i know) and him trying to get as much money out of me as he could. I smoked a bunch of weed, he drank and we ate lots of takeout. As far as his trolling techniques, they seem to consist primarily of convincing people who can actually code to do things for him, then taking the credit for them, so I wasn't really interested in acquiring these “skills” even if I did have a naive fascination with what I then saw as his "innocent" pranks and how they functioned. While it wasn't a big part of our brief-lived (four month) relationship, he often made comments that were racist, homophobic, anti-semitic, misogynist and transphobic. I alternated between being like "hahahaha", “satiring” back to him (including making similar comments), and telling him to knock it the fuck off. In private conversations he assured me that he was just a performance artist, that it was satire and trolling, and that he was actually a feminist (lol). He was always laughing when he said really horrible things. Like the anti-intellectual, self-centered, callous, cavalier and "edgy" white liberal that I fancied myself (And was) at the time, I laughed too and played along. As much as there is lots of feigned outrage from white people about it, this discourse was frankly not much different than that I saw and still see constantly in the tech workplace and at events, online and in the community. Tech prides itself on being "not overtly -ist" when it actually is, despite almost everyone’s vehement protestations. For those who attempt to distance themselves from the racism, sexism, and transphobia of the industry by congratulating themselves that we don’t "say those things": you are full of shit. The tech industry is chock full NOT ONLY of "subtle" issues that let us continue to feel like good people because we don't use slurs, but actual constant and overt abuse, discrimination, and violence - often under the guises of "irony" and "satire”. And I have absolutely participated in it. People demand to know why I won't "defend" myself from the "charges" made by my ex. Yes, they contain a number of outright lies and inventions as well as self-serving exaggerations, distortions and manipulations. Frankly, I’m not going to indulge this circus by refuting and responding point-by-point to the details of an abusive relationship I had years ago. As to the overall tone of the allegations, basically that I used to be an oppressive asshole who held much different values than I do now... well I don't feel a need to "defend" or "deny" that because the truth is, I had for years and years of my past been whole-heartedly complicit in the systems of inequality and discrimination that plague our field. I thought that if I made six figures and did well in my career, acted like "one of the boys” aka white male patriarchs, or played along with them, and was as vulgar, violent, self-centered and cut-throat as the "successful" white men around me, that was "feminism." I gave a shit about my own advancement but for many years didn't really give a shit about anyone else's advancement. I didn't recognize my role in the tech industry as a privileged white woman, and didn't do much of the internal and external work required to divest from those systems. As I started my political awakening, I was primarily concerned with the advancement of white women like myself and didn't give much thought to broader systemic issues, or how I was complicit in the oppression of other groups. My attitudes, beliefs and behavior were 100% born of my alignment with white capitalist patriarchy, and I benefitted enormously (And still do) from it even as it has abused me. Here are two categories of things that are both true. 1. I am queer, mentally ill and a woman. I have been through a lot of hard stuff because of those things. I went through some Carrie-style shit when I came out in middle school. I have had an anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder since I was a kid. Some of my first "real" sexual experiences included being molested and a victim of statutory rape. Later in my life, I've been raped at knife point and dragged across the floor thinking I would die that night. I've been punched in the face by my "lovers". I showed up to my first real job interview with a barely concealed black eye and bruised ribs. I've finished school while I screamed bloody murder into an apartment complex at night pleading for help from anyone who heard. As a working professional I've been sexually harassed, verbally and physically intimidated by managers, underpaid, overworked, denied promotions, humiliated, and subjected to hostile work environment after hostile work environment. I've been threatened with revenge porn by multiple exes, and coerced into doing things I think are unethical by people in positions of power over me. I've had hacked nude photos sent to my bosses and investors. I've been stalked over the course of months and years, been slandered and abused by media, and disowned by my industry for being a woman who spoke up. I am one of the most visible women in tech - not as a respected and valued member of our industry, but as a target. I live in constant fear of the tech community and am terrorized on a regular basis. I am held up for all to see, a public example of what they will do to you if you speak out - and it seems “anything goes” more and more each day as organized hate groups grow in numbers and strength while the tech community grows in apathy. 2. I am a cis white woman who has uncritically profited from white supremacy, cissexism, ableism, classism and other forms of oppression. My success, visibility, and achievements are fundamentally built on the oppression of others, and I spent years not giving a fuck, lending any semblance of a hand, acknowledging my role, or working to dismantle the systems I've been part of. Most of my privileges in life happen as a direct result of a white supremacist capitalist system, and I too long stayed silent and comfortable. From an essay I published in autumn 2013 on my personal blog, called "Finding Out You’re a Sexist, Misogynistic, Homophobic, Classist, Racist Asshole and Hypocrite": "I can only cringe and hate myself when I think of all the times I have totally fucked up and became part of the very problems I hate. Yes, I have slut-shamed, body-policed, name-called, bad-joked, appropriated, derailed, co-opted, silenced, objectified, stereotyped, trivialized, slurred, punished, isolated, insulted, benefited, and stayed silent with the worst of them. A highlight reel of my life profiting uncritically and even participating in the systems of misogyny, classism, racism, cis-normativity and homophobia that oppress my friends, my family, my fellow humans would not endear anyone to me, least of all myself. It fees horrible to talk about. But I am because we all must realize how complete, how intersecting, how deeply fucked up the system is, and the role we play in it. It’s easy to become invested in an image of ourselves as good human beings, without blame or participation in the oppression of other people. Sometimes we even imagine ourselves as a helper to them, a healer, an ally, without even thinking it through." I have made many sexist, racist, transphobic and homophobic comments that were abusive and violent in my life. I have consistently failed to stand against discrimination that affected other people. I've often prioritized my own needs and success above that of more marginalized people. For years, I made no effort to use my privilege and power to help others. I have *literally fucked a neo-Nazi and harbored him with money, emotional support and yeah, kinky sex.* My internalized misogyny and the racism I have reproduced affected real relationships and hurt real people. Because I have had access to white, cis, class and educational privilege, I have been able to protect myself, get amazing health and mental health care, and attain economic security that many suffering the same and much, much worse do not have access to. In the workplace, I got the perks of diversity in tech efforts while more marginalized people were left behind, and I didn't say shit. I benefited and continue to benefit enormously from white supremacy in the tech industry, able to amass financial resources to start my own company and escape the day-to-day grind of the abusive tech workforce, which is not an option for so many. All of the above things are true. As a cis white woman I have both abused and been abused, been a victim of violence and someone who commits violence, been punished by the system and also benefited extensively from it. I refuse to run around insisting that I'm not an oppressive asshole instead of actually doing the work of dismantling the system - inside me and outside me. I heal myself, and I also work to ease, destroy and amend for the pain and oppression I have inflicted on others, that I participate in, benefit from, and bear responsibility for taking down. I also want readers to note that the "redemption" narrative that people are looking for me to manifest here is hugely problematic, centering white people's feelings and experiences, our personal growth over dismantling oppressive systems, and our need to feel like we are "good people." As I've written in the past, I don't believe that "good person" as a framework to approaching systemic inequalities is useful. I don’t think I am a good or bad person. I am a person who has done good things and bad things, and I try to do more good things as I grow. I don't wish to offer excuses for my past. I cannot undo it, nor change it. I remain complicit in and benefit from many systems of oppression, I still have an enormous amount of work to do to divest of my own investment in the system and how I enable it to continue, and I have a life-time of work to do against it, work that I try to do each day. This is work that the tech industry needs to partake in. I invite you to get out of my sex life and to join me doing it.

3 notes · View notes

autistic-science-cryptid · 7 years ago

Text

Introduction

I am an autistic person, as I’m sure you know. And, as the title suggests, while I am not literally a cryptid, I might as well be a cryptid, at least according to autism researchers, for a number of reasons. You see, for starters,I was diagnosed with autism in the late 80s as a baby, and I mean a literal baby, just over a year old, because my mom (who later realized she was autistic and self-diagnosed as a result of watching me grow) talked to the doctors and was like “Oh by the way, I noticed that other babies look at me but my kid does not. Hmmm. I wonder why that is”. That’s the first cryptid point right there - researchers are still looking for ways to diagnose autistic kids at age 2 (so they can push that hellish ABA therapy on them - boooo) even though like two seconds of observation would enable them to see who is autistic much earlier. Which is probably a good thing if that kid has the type of parents who would push them into ABA. Good thing my parents didn’t buy into that crap, no matter how much later experience with abusive assholes convinced me they did or it was only a matter of time before they did.

Secondly, since I didn’t know how to please IQ testers when I was really little and had not been pushed through official ABA by my parents, the “experts” claimed I was (and this is their word, not mine) “retarded”. Which, as we know, is a slur, but was a medical term in use back then, before they said “intellectually disabled”. Fine thing to put on a baby. And here’s the thing: No intellectually disabled person can write the way I’m doing right now. So one more cryptid point - apparently the real me didn’t exist to them then, either.

Thirdly, when I was really little, a dog (whose owner foolishly claimed he “loves kids”) got its mouth around my throat, and my autistic nervous response of freezing up in the face of that type of danger is the only reason I’m not six feet under right now, as pretty much any neurotypical kid would have been when confronted with a situation like that. So one more cryptid point for me. Especially since I always have and still love dogs, and if anything, that incident had me firmly convinced that dogs are not mindless killing machines, because if they were, I’d be dead. Whereas a response I had to a teacher ducking me underwater and giving me fake praise was more normal - it made me afraid of the water, and only a teacher from the YMCA cured me of that fear, whereas the special ed middle school I went to, which had a pool, only punished me for that fear. I’ll get back to special ed later.

Yay “errorless learning! (/sarcasm)

I also used to stack a little table on top of a chair when I was a kid to reach stuff because for some reason, my dad always put Cheerios on top of a really high wardrobe (Gee, thanks) And I never fell because I was careful climbing that precarious structure. One more cryptid point for me - kids normally aren’t able to do that.

I am also a person who was in private Special Ed schools from the time I was like ten months old throughout high school, and my middle and high school in particular was emotionally abusive to me. While they never officially claimed to use ABA, they did - if it walks like ABA, talks like ABA, and quacks like ABA, it is ABA no matter what you call it. And really, it’s quite weaselly presenting your core discipline method as like a fun extra for your students to earn (which I found out on their website years later). It’s especially weaselly given that this method was the exact method used to punish me for not swimming a length of the school’s pool due to the fear of the water (and especially the deep end) that I mentioned earlier, a fear that wasn’t even as difficult to solve as many other hydrophobia cases, so of course a Y teacher was able to fix it. Throughout that time, but particularly during middle school years, I tried multiple different little schemes (not adult-level schemes, kid-sized ones) to try to be a more successful kid (so yes, I do sympathize with Pa Ingalls, even as I recognize that it is far more problematic for him to do that than for kid me to because he had several people to look out for and I had zero). That’s another cryptid point - usually you see that kind of behavior pattern from grown men, not tween girls.

As an extra bonus, the special ed high school I went to let me into their college program the first year, one where you take college courses for credit, and I got an A in that course. Nevertheless, my school had set me up to fail that - they had a lady teacher sit next to me, one who was entitled as fuck. This teacher whined about her job to us, and also bragged at one point about how Tom Cruise called her and was polite to her. I mean, hello? Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, and assuming that teacher wasn’t lying, the only reason Tom Cruise would call some random teacher is to recruit her into Scientology. But of course, that teacher was so full of herself that she could not see that. This teacher also, when confronted, said “I have other kids to worry about”. Nevermind that I was the only student from that special ed program that she was sitting next to. She also allowed me to work on a project alone instead of in a group because of course I was going to take that option when they offered it (even though I am perfectly capable of working on group projects). But them allowing me that option was a setup.

That, combined with talking to myself and maybe poor grooming was what they used as an excuse to kick me out of that program. Though they never told me about poor grooming as a reason, and it was usually my parents they hid things from, so I’m not sure poor grooming was what they were primarily concerned with. Anyhoo, it seems as though talking to myself was enough to get me kicked out of that program in spite of getting an A, with the teachers literally laughing like bullies at my parents as they told my parents the news, and furthermore, they recommended me for VESID, which was really just recommending that I live in a sheltered workshop (which I would have shot myself in the foot in - I am a fast worker at certain tasks, and had my parents agreed to the sheltered workshop placement, I would have given the people my best performance, and ended up getting paid less than minimum wage, and worse, they would never let me go because they would be using me to pick up the slack for other workers and would find all sorts of excuses not to let me move on).

So the A alone may as well be a cryptid point. As is my using NYC public transportation all by myself - those fuckheads claimed I couldn’t travel independently, even though I had been using the subway all by my lonesome to get to the work experience programs I did the last year (in former years, I had gone to work experience stints on the bus). So, pathetic as it may seem, my ability to use the subway/bus all by my lonesome is another cryptid point.

I also get a few more cryptid points for currently studying animal behavior and cognition in grad school and working on a Master’s thesis (which I won’t talk about so, again, as not to dox myself). Let me explain.

First of all, in spite of being kicked out of that program, the high school let me graduate, and the way they described me was literally how intellectually disabled people are described. And, while intellectually disabled people are themselves severely underestimated, they certainly are not going to be in graduate school working on a Master’s thesis in animal behavior and cognition, because the scientific papers alone would be cognitively inaccessible to them - even the lay version of scientific papers might not be cognitively accessible to an intellectually disabled person. So, according to that logic, I should not even be where I am right now.

Furthermore, some of the top people at that school are ableist as fuck, and totally champion clicker training, both for animals (which is iffy in and of itself, especially as a general behavior training for highly social and compliant species like dogs) and for, you guessed it, autistic people. They totally support ABA “therapy” as well (and yes, they support electrically shocking kids as punishment and claim it is less cruel than either medicating or restraining kids who self-injure, which is bullshit and completely dances around the fact that kids at the Judge Rotenberg Center get shocked for minor things) and they totally gloss over some pretty alarming signs. They, of course, claim I am totally high-functioning with no issues whatsoever, so to them, the side of me that has meltdowns and occasionally self-injures is also a cryptid, since apparently autistic people who can get a Master’s degree can’t have meltdowns. Even though I do get those from time to time. So one more cryptid point for meltdowns.

This is a random list of talents and abilities I have (just those, if you don’t feel like reading a list of talents, you can always skip that part)

I can do a perfect kitty meow (seriously, you would think there is a cat in there if you were in the room when I did it). And I can also stim (god, I wish autocorrect would use that as an actual word) by rhythmically tossing a ball back and forth without looking, and I can also produce songs simply by clicking my tongue. Yes, that’s a thing, although I’ve never seen anyone else do it. Believe me or not if you wish, but I’m not about to dox myself by putting up a video, especially since I don’t want to be blacklisted as a result of smear campaigns by ableist researchers. Three cryptid points right there. Four if you count me teaching myself some sort of impromptu gymnastics move at one point (well below Olympic level - it wouldn’t even qualify for a low-level gymnastics competition)- I have no idea what the hell that move looks like or what to call it. I only know how it feels, so don’t ask.

Five cryptid points if you count the fact that on occasion the neuronal electricity from my hand jumps out and “pushes” a computer button before I even touch it - it’s not really a reliably controllable act, but it is a weird quirk I have, and that I share with my mom. The only reason that isn’t a problem is because it only seems to “push” a few types of buttons and coincides only with my hand approaching the button, never before that, which is how I know it’s nerve electricity and not a glitch. If you think that’s woo, don’t follow me - I never claimed to be able to teach anyone how to do that or to identify whether someone has that ability (unless they tell me and don't falsely claim to be able to control it only to show no such ability), and it’s not like I can sell that quirk for money, either. And I can’t control it anywhere near reliably enough to prove it scientifically, either, which is probably a big reason why abilities like that (along with telepathy, which I have only ever heard of in real life, mostly not from me but from others I know, as being a random, uncontrollable occurrence or else, as in one case, so laughably pathetic that pretty much any scientific test for telepathy will never detect said ability) were never officially found, so don’t hold your breath waiting for that kind of thing.

One more talent I have is this: after seeing Orlando Bloom as Legolas (I’m aroace, so I don’t have a crush on him and don’t get any ideas) do a catlike leap onto a rock, I tried that same move and got it right on the first try, even though I had read he found it difficult to do. But then again, he’s a foot taller than me, and he has an acquired disability from foolishly walking, sober, onto a thin piece of metal that could not support his weight, and falling three stories, so maybe it’s a cryptid point, maybe not, because being a foot shorter than the guy you see doing a catlike balance move would make it pretty easy to out-cat him any day. Especially since I would never make the kind of mistake he did, because from what I can gather, Orlando Bloom is a pretty cocksure guy (kind of like Legolas, really, personality wise - too bad they made him play what seemed to be an entirely different character than the one in the book who is probably more like Orlando Bloom than the Legolas Orlando Bloom played), and I am not cocksure. Obviously not literally, because I am cis female, and not metaphorically, either.

#emotional abuse #abuse #child abuse #dangerous animals #dangerous dogs #aba #actuallyautistic #special ed #special education #judge rotenberg center #jrc #tongue-in-cheek #but the story is true #not fictionalized

12 notes · View notes

exploringsocialinformatics · 5 years ago

Text

Blog #6: The Internet Could Empower Women If People Would Just Be Cool For Once

I wrote this based on the article Young Women’s Blogs as Ethical Spaces by Mia Lovheim, which I chose because I was interested by how constructive the Internet was framed and because, as a woman who has strong opinions on the internet, I know that isn’t necessarily always the case.

I have been a woman on the Internet for roughly seventeen years and it has opened up so many opportunities for me to express myself, to meet and engage with people I could’ve never connected to in real life and to collaborate with similarly-minded writers and artists. I’ve made lifelong friends online, fallen in love online (I wouldn’t recommend this but it’s fun while it lasts!) and developed so many aspects of my identity.

The only reason that I have been able to do these things is because I have done them in woman-dominated spaces and queer-dominated spaces.

Because while I’ve shared my opinions on Tumblr as a curated, personal space, I’ve shared the same opinions on Twitter and had someone threaten to rape me.

The internet is amazing! It’s also a toxic cesspool that limits my ability to express myself and open up my ideas to a wider audience! Both things are simultaneously true even though it’s sometimes difficult to rectify them.

There’s an encouraging amount of literature surrounding gender-based harassment online. Many of them give strong examples of the kind of harassment that women and female-presenting people face when they do things like say words and have emotions where people can see them online. Most women won’t need to dig into that literature because they see this in their daily lives; men experience online harassment at dissimilar rates and of a dissimilar nature (harassment aimed toward men is typically homophobic or belittling their masculinity; gendered but not nearly as violent [Jane 533]), but if they’d like to see examples of the vitriol that women face, all they need to do is read replies to tweets by women who talk about politics or sports or video games or television or music or movies or. . .you get the picture.

The point of this is not that the internet is irredeemable—although I am going to share enough of that literature that it may appear that we absolutely should burn it down and start over—but that it needs to be redeemed. We’ll get there, though.

Amnesty International has done a lot of work studying the issue of online harassment of women. In response to the #WomenBoycottTwitter day, they commissioned a poll that included women between the ages of 18 and 55 in Denmark, Italy, New Zealand, Poland, Spain, Sweden, the UK and USA. They found that 33% of women in the United States had experienced online harassment or abuse—and it’s important to remember the context that these are not all necessarily people who are actively using social media, especially considering the age range (”Amnesty Reveals Alarming [. . .]”).

TIME reports that the United Nations did a study that said that 73% of women have experienced online harassment—I would lean toward accepting theirs as it seems Amnesty’s sample size was limited (Alter 2015).

I’m going to toss out a list of statistics that came from the Amnesty poll that are genuinely upsetting to consider:

41% of women who had experienced harassment were made to feel physically unsafe

26% were doxxed by their harassers

46% said the harassment was rooted in misogyny specifically

25% were threatened with physical or sexual violence (Amnesty International 2017)

Remembering again that this was a poll targeting women and not just women who are regular social media users, these numbers are staggering. And these aren’t just individual occurrences or one-off attacks. The nature of Twitter in particular means that messages spread rapidly—and so do attacks. According to studies of Twitter’s abuse reports, at least 29% of the reports filed by women were addressing ongoing attacks (Women, Action & Media) and according to an additional poll from Amnesty: the more visible and vocal a woman in, the more frequent harassment she’ll endure. A study of 778 female politicians and journalists (disproportionately women of color) found that they received abusive tweets every 30 seconds—1.1 million a year between them.

I couldn’t possibly get into #GamerGate here and give it the attention it deserves but, if you managed to avoid that nightmare in 2014, it’s something to look up that will really cement this problem for you.

And it is a problem—but it’s not just a problem because women feel threatened, because allowing a culture of harassment and degradation like this is inherently wrong, because this is something that impacts our lives on a semi-regular basis even if we’re not public figures. It’s also a problem because women are being silenced.

Even back in the early 90s before the insane access that we all have to each other online, women were “found to introduce fewer topics of discussion and receive fewer public responses than men” (Megarry 29). It’s no different than women speaking less in a classroom or meeting (Tannen 2017)—just a different venue. That form of silence seems more rooted in social norms, though, and in the early 2000s, according to Rodriguez-Darias and Aguilera-Avila, “the expansion of the online world was hailed as a catalyst for the development of democracy, equality and women’s empowerment by enabling access to information and social support” (63).

All of that is still true in 2020 and has made an incalculable difference to women all across the world. It’s just that now they’re statistically far more likely to receive hundreds of threats of violence and rape and have their address shared all across social media platforms because they said something about a video game.

Those threats and that atmosphere that makes women feel unsafe and like they can’t truly express themselves creates a framework that holds women back. When I said that I formed my identity on the Internet, it’s some of the most tender important parts of me—if I had been faced with this kind of harassment when I was younger, it would have been detrimental and I would have lost one of the few safe spaces I felt I had. People use the internet to convey their identities in so many ways that can be taken away from women: hashtags “convey attitudes and social identity” (Fox, Cruz, Lee) but also makes it easier for harassers to target you, “gendered avatars and usernames” (Assuncao) allow for gender expression that. . .makes it easier for harassers to target you, and all of these things tie into self-esteem that women could be building if they had access to positive, empowering communities. And it is unquestionably impacting their self-esteem: according to Amnesty International’s report, 61% of women experienced lower self-esteem and Emma A. Jane compiled information about how women described their experiences with online harassment, with words like “distress, pain, shock, fear, terror, devastation and violation” (536).

Because of that distress, that fear, that terror—women self-censor themselves. According to the same Amnesty report, 76% changed the way they used Twitter after facing attacks and 32% stopped talking about certain topics altogether. By being forced to endure the same gendered violence and discrimination that we face in the real world in a virtual setting, it’s like there’s no escape.

There’s one issue that can be brought up to complicate this: freedom of speech. This argument doesn’t really stand up to scrutiny on a base level. Social media networks aren’t actually entirely beholden to the First Amendment—which prevents the government from silencing you, although its reach has differed—and Twitter has a conduct policy that prohibits threats, slurs, degrading people, wishing ill on people, etc (Hateful Conduct Policy). The Internet often exists as a lawless, Wild West-type place, though (your Reddits when poorly monitored, your 4Chans, for example), and there will always be people on it that will believe that the freedom to speak their minds supersedes everything else. Freedom of speech is important and these are useful conversations to have to make sure that the platforms that we’re using are operating equitably.

A platform that allows women to be shamed or threatened into silence is not operating equitably, though. We should have the freedom to speak openly without worrying about our safety. Twitter is already addressing this issue but it hasn’t been enough—according to the survey of their abuse reports, only 55% of reports led to suspended accounts, 67% of women who reported said they’d done so at least twice and, mostly notably—Twitter’s staff at the time of their study (2014) was 79% men (Women, Action & Media).

Let’s loop back around to my ultimate point here: redeeming the Internet. Focusing on Twitter, there are plenty of plans of actions they could take to do better, including hiring more women and actively listening to their feedback, training their employees more thoroughly to recognize and address forms of harassment, and being more open about condemning both misogyny and other systemic issues like the spread of White Supremacy. These are all relatively small steps that could start to change the wider culture and start the inevitably unbearably slow process of detoxifying the Internet so it’s accessible for everyone.

Resources

Alter, C. (2015, September 24). UN: Cyber Violence is Equivalent to Physical Violence. Retrieved from https://time.com/4049106/un-cyber-violence-physical-violence/

Amnesty and Element AI release largest ever study into abuse against women on Twitter. (2018, December 18). Retrieved from https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2018/12/crowdsourced-twitter-study-reveals-shocking-scale-of-online-abuse-against-women/

Amnesty reveals alarming impact of online abuse against women. (2017, November 20). Retrieved from https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2017/11/amnesty-reveals-alarming-impact-of-online-abuse-against-women/

Assuncao, Carina. (2016). “No girls on the internet”: The experience of female gamers in the masculine space of violent gaming.” Press Start, 3(1).

Fox, J., Cruz, C., & Lee, J. Y. (2015). Perpetuating online sexism offline: Anonymity, interactivity, and the effects of sexist hashtags on social media. Computers in Human Behavior, 52, 436–442.

Jane, E. A. (2012). “Your a Ugly, Whorish, Slut.” Feminist Media Studies, 14(4), 531–546.

Megarry, J. (2014). Online incivility or sexual harassment? Conceptualizing women’s experiences in the digital age. Women’s Studies International Forum, 47, 46–55.

Rodríguez-Darias, A. J., & Aguilera-Ávila, L. (2018). Gender-based harassment in cyberspace. The case of Pikara magazine. Womens Studies International Forum, 66, 63–69.

Tannen, D. (2017, June 28). Do Women Really Talk More Than Men? Retrieved from https://time.com/4837536/do-women-really-talk-more/

Twitter. (2020). Hateful conduct policy. Retrieved from https://help.twitter.com/en/rules-and-policies/hateful-conduct-policy

Women, Action & Media. (2015, May 15). Reporting, Reviewing, and Responding to Harassment on Twitter.

0 notes

huldrax · 7 years ago

Text

Civil War: The Right Way to Use Politics In Comics.

To begin with, there is no factually correct choice. At the end of the day whether you lined up on Iron-Man’s side or Captain America’s side it had to do with your perception of right and wrong. Your choice was decided by what you felt was acceptable and unacceptable. It is fundamentally the age old question of Individual rights and liberties VS Society’s. It doesn’t matter who came out the victor. You can win and be wrong; you can lose and be right when it comes to morality. Each of us has to answer if only to ourselves how much of our civil liberties do we trade away for safety? How dirty do we think we would be willing to get our hands to do what we think is right and where do we ultimately draw the line? Civil War begins after a major catastrophe in a town called Stamford. In an attempt to apprehend a group of villains a unit of inexperienced reality star heroes inadvertently cause a hefty amount of casualties, many of which were children. Unsurprisingly it sparks national outrage, everyone is questioning what can be done, why are superhumans allowed to run amok without training, without credentials, without accountability? These questions have always been brewing under the surface but now they’ve exploded to the forefront of American discussion. In the aftermath of Stamford the superhuman community is already debating amongst themselves about what they think will be the next step of public outrage. Many of them can already see the writing in the air, there will be a push to make Super Heroes into Super Cops. Many of them are at first not too bothered by the idea, others are deeply disturbed. Most character’s whose identities have never been secret or out for some time are unbothered by the idea of a great unmasking and why should they be? Hiding themselves has never been a concern for them; therefore no one else should be worried. Or so they think for its often very difficult to understand what you’ve never experienced. Let me fully admit my bias; I backed Captain America. The reasons to me were simple on the surface. People have a right to anonymity; the government cannot be trusted to adequately keep that anonymity—especially when so many lives are on the line and we’re not just talking about the lives of the super humans here; we’re talking about them and the lives of every person who has ever been remotely connected to them or ever will be connected to them. Let’s say that there is a hack by some villain, it’d be like a great big doxxing of epic proportions. All that personal info spilled into nefarious hands. Or imagine the government goes full on dictatorial and begins to do wide spread targeting of individuals within the registry for whatever reasons—they’re no longer satisfied with a registry, now they want to contain everyone, or even kill them. We’ve seen things like this happen in the real world and we’ve seen it in the source material; the Mutant community knows this all too well. These are all possibilities that the characters have to weigh, not knowing if their fears will come true or not but anticipating that they will. When you expect the worst you can only be pleasantly surprised. Their wildest fears are not unfounded as we later see, it’s no longer JUST about registering names and faces; the superhumans will be FORCED to work for the government, live under the radar if they have the capability, or be imprisoned, and last but not least they can resist and perhaps die. When people with powers who don’t even use them are suddenly demanded to sign their name on the dotted line or ELSE, resistance in the end becomes self-defense. They have no choice but to fight or in their minds lose their way of life. At the end of the day the SRA (Super-Human Registration Act) is not only about knowing the identities and whereabouts of its applicants, it’s a draft. The government will be deciding what action the hero takes, where they go, when they go. There will be times when they MUST act but are told to with-hold, there will be times when they don’t want to act, but are demanded to do so. Their personal judgments will no longer matter, they become unwilling soldiers. Luke Cage referred to it as “A form of slavery.” And he isn’t wrong. You either capitulate or you are crippled. You either join or you are labeled a criminal and will be brought to heel. In this light they’ve no other choice but to resist. The SRA is a threat to their world, their freedom. It is an existential crisis to their autonomy, their anonymity. They might be super, but at the end of the day they’re also just people who want to do the right thing on their own terms. They want the freedom to make their choices without the threat of a figurative and literal gun to the head. With that said, just because I believe in the cause of the resistance does not mean I don’t understand where Tony and co. are coming from. That is in itself is an example of how Marvel did things right. I can disagree with him but understand his view. I can be against him and not hate him. I can dislike the things that he does disagree with the decisions he’s made but still want the best possible outcome for him. I have many, many gripes with the Pro-SRA movement. I will save such long, detailed complaints for another time and simply focus on the major premise. The one thing that I DO agree with is that there must be accountability when things go wrong. I understand that if it’s not the SRA, it will be some other program—a worse program as theorized by Tony and Reed. The government will skip the step of registration and go directly for attempts at utter elimination. Perhaps, as in Reed’s opinion the world will be consumed into chaos in such an event. But that is only if I allow myself to believe that Reed and Tony are beyond reproach, that they are infallible, and I don’t believe they are. We know they aren’t. I can even sympathize with the Pro-SRA side, I can look to Tony and see he’s not a monster, and he’s NOT wrong about everything, nor is he right about it all. He wants to regain the trust of the public; he wants to put their fears at ease. He wants to promise there will never be another Stamford again; he thinks that the registration is a step towards that. Tony wants to make a better, safer world; working within the system he’s been provided. I don’t believe that such a thing is possible—I don’t believe the SRA could have prevented Stamford—or that if the SRA is followed to the letter that there will never be another Stamford. But I understand where he is coming from and cannot fault him for his conclusion, for his belief that his way is the right way. To Tony the SRA represents redemption for his own failings and the failures of others. It is a gesture of good will to the public, and while he does believe in the movement it hurts him to have to turn on his compatriots . To have to turn on what he considers his own community, to be viewed as Judas is no doubt a heavy burden. He doesn’t want it to come to violence but if it does, he’d rather it be at the command of someone who cares. Not some faceless bureaucrat who will shrug off the guilt of having harmed someone they don’t even know. Not some person who will look at the law as it is and not what it could be. Nothing he does if from a place of cruelty but perceived necessity. I’m not excusing the atrocities committed in the process, I mean, using known criminals to bolster their ranks? Cloning a monster Thor-bot? Knowing that the implementation of the SRA is utterly disgraceful but committing to the task none the less? I may abhor that that they do it, I might be screaming at them inside my head, but I never reach the moment where I think to myself “They are forever beyond redemption.” We, the readers just the same as the two factions are meant to feel torn, anguished that things have come to this. We see the bad choices each side has made, we see the damage they’ve wrought on one another emotionally and physically. We know that it’s unfair to ask people to put themselves into the hands of the government and that it’s also unfair to society not to have a system in which these people can be held accountable. What Marvel did right is that neither group was “The Good Guy” or “The Bad Guy.” They were two opposing factions who believed what they were doing was the best thing to do. The Marvel writers of this period played it straight; they gave both sides their due and left it to the reader to make their choice. They didn’t demonize Steve or Tony, you knew their head and you knew their hearts. They were not cardboard people. They were REAL, conflicted, messy and pained by the choices before them. Both sides made mistakes, both sides were consumed with high emotion, inflaming tension between them. Both groups have done questionable things in the name of their cause. Tony is compromising his own principals for a better tomorrow; Steve is sticking to his principals for a better tomorrow. Neither stance is a bad one, they are simply ideologically opposed and the further the tension mounts the less each side thinks logically. As the war progresses neither are truly fighting for their ideals anymore, they’re just FIGHTING for ego. The ends don’t justify their means anymore. To himself and no one else, Tony admits “It wasn’t worth it.” And yet they’ve gone too far to turn back. You’ll be hard pressed to find someone without some glimmer of regret by the end of things. Everyone is mangled by the end. No one is untainted. Civil War is artfully brutal in how raw it leaves you by the end. We can all look at parts of the arc and think of all the ways the horror could have been avoided, we can see the things the characters themselves cannot see preparing to bite them later down the road and we’re helpless. We don't need the writers to hammer us over the head with what THEY believe is right, we don't need to have our differing world views not only perverted but out right demonized. We don't need nor want the same jab taken over and over again to the point that we can accurately predict it will be coming.

If you want to talk about politics—If you want to involve them in comics, at the very least do the audience and the character's justice. Present both sides without turning one into a caricature. You aren’t convincing us when you are presenting a false view to topple, you’re preaching to us.

In short, it is humanity that current marvel lacks. Everything is one sided, everything is a hammer without subtlety. There are no layers. There is but one side, the “Right” side. The opposing force cannot be viewed as having any legitimacy whatsoever. RiRi Williams takes over a sovereign nation? Everyone around her congratulates her. Every comment is on how smart, how perfect she is. Despite the fact that we ourselves do not see those qualities in her, we’re simply told that she has them. To compound the issue there is not a soul within her inner circle to add a counterpoint. She’s better then all who have come before her, she is without compelling conflict. This one toned outlook doesn’t just apply in the comics; it applies in the actual thinking of the creators. You voted for Trump? You are a bigot. You don’t like the direction they’re taking a character in? You have no clue what you are talking about. You want the old characters back? You’re old and stuck in your ways. You’re a rube, you’re the minority of readers, they DON”T want you to buy their books and you will be blocked. There is no respect, there is no dissension. Can you think of ONE or even more than one Marvel comic in the last two years where two ideological opposites were presented with the opportunity to explain their side without one of them being portrayed as villain? Where you were actually left to draw your own conclusion?

#Marvel #Civil War I #Captain America #Iron-Man #Politics done right #Comics

1 note · View note

schaynotchan · 8 years ago

Note

I've been through all of the anti-SS moments our fandom would poke fun of (and at times when I was a bit "meh", made fun of myself) to cheer ourselves up from our sadness. I've read respectful anti-SS rants. I don't know what happen since the Boruto movie came about (that's when I started notice and distance myself from fandom), but the Naruto fandom in general started to become very spiteful. I remember when some SS shippers drove one of their own out of the fandom because she wanted more [2/3]

SSmoments because of the lack of attention. And I also remember SNS getting intoa meaningless argument over who tops (one I didn't participate, luckily). Andsome NS shippers getting into a debate over RtN and whether it was anti-Sakuraor not. Short: I've seen people arguing and insulting their own shippers overmeaning crap that have never existed before the ending. It became that bad. Istarted distancing myself from SNS during the whole "who tops?"debate, but when 685 came out [3/4]

animated,I couldn't stay. The insults some SNS shippers had towards the SS shipperslegitimately triggered me. My personal story: I have a brother who has autism.My father, when he angry, would always talk down to my brother when he had donesomething very wrong. He would say how much he wish he could send him to amental hospital, "why is so r-slur", "look how dumb he'sbeing"...I know my dad doesn't truly mean it, sometimes life isn't great100% of the time. But man, it hurts, it [4/5]

reallyhurts to hear the names brother has been called, and my brother can't do shitbecause he doesn't understand the insults. It would cause a tear in my housewith my dad, mom and sis; my dad wants to send him away because he can't takeof him. I pray everyday that my brother would talk, and that my dad wouldn'tharbor such bad feelings. So I was WTF! when I see anti-SS, some in my own OTPfandom, call out SS shippers as "needing to go to some mentalhospital" or "how they need [5/6]

therapy",and how "they are so sick in the head". "What's in yourhead", "I only wish the worst for them, tbh". Like shit, thislow class insults over a fiction couple? It triggered me to where I couldn'tship SNS anymore (my bro is always first over fiction) becuase, like this NEVERhappened before (at least I've never seen this throughout my time in SNS,before the ending, and even a bit after the ending). Like I've seen shit withSS, NH, and NS, but it just hurts a lot more when it's [6/7]

comingfrom your own OTP's fandom. I just couldn't keep shipping, and I had to drop.Luckily, Yuri on Ice came out weeks later to cheer me up from the toxic fandom.I mean I still ship SNS (I lurk around to view art then leave), but's its myex-OTP. More so, I'm trying to move on, because the Naruto fandom has turn intoa pile of (tasteless insults, personal stalking and bashing, and at timedoxxing) shit. And to be more honest, I became more open minded to SS because Idid meet cool [7/8]

people.It's one thing I wish from the Naruto fandom; what need do have to resort topersonal bashing just to get a point across? We know how significant SNS wasfor Naruto in general. Since when do we wish for the worst for others who havea different opinion over a work of FICTION that makes them happy as well? It'snot like I've never seen the insults from the pro-enders, but that's why Istayed within SNS. So it hurts when even the place you seek for comfort is nolonger comfortable. [8/9]

I'msorry for the long winded rant. Tbh, you aren't the first shipper I told thisabout in anon, but when I saw your response, I was like "Okay! Anothershipper that isn't blinded to how bad the fandom became!" I mean, I'm herefor SNS Week because it's one of the rare times the fandom is enjoyable; beforethe ending. I wish people would have an engaging debate without the need toinsult; it's one of the major reasons why the Naruto fandom is so close mindedin opinions. If people just [9/10]

respected each other in fandom, had chapter 700 came out, we might havehad pro-enders more understanding on why the ending was flawed or why we seeSNS; we probably would have been more sympathetic towards SS's treatment withSP. But you have pro-enders simply staying so more out of spite against us, andI definitely don't feel that much sympathy for SS for the shit I've been withthem. I hope I didn't give you the idea that SNS is bad; I'm saying that thewhole Naruto fandom is bad. [End]

So I didn’t got the first ask because tumblr ate it. But because I think you send me each part right after writing it, and probably don’t have a copy of the first part I’ll try to answer all that without it!

Oh god, I actually don't really know what to answer. Idon't have any experience with answering such kind of asks. I hope that I canstill give you a more or less good answer. I knew that we and other Naruto fandoms where through a lot of toxic times. I personally didn't experience any of those (where I'm grateful for tbh) because I only joined the SNS Tumblr fandom about a Year ago. So I can't really talk out of my own point of view, but I knew it was really bad. I know a lot of people left or distanced themselves like you back then. Although I must say... reading all this, with the examples you gave me... sounds a lot worse than I imagined... I'm always shocked when I read about these times.

I understand why you left the SNS fandom and tried to move on, especially with your personal story behind it. You know, I have always support happiness and mental health about everything else, so moving on was a good decision in your case. When I would've been in the fandom back then I probably would've also left.

I think nowadays the SNS fandom is acceptable and non toxic (although it could be better) but I also know that this is only MY experience and that some of my mutuals disagree. As I said in my game reply before, we often only see a small part of the actual fandoms content depending on what blogs we follow. I strictly unfollow people who insult too much or make fun of any kind of deeper topics like mental health, sexuality, ethnic etc. You couldsay that I somewhat turn a blind eye to the unhealthy part of the fandom. Soit's still a safe place for me. But regardingless of what I just said, I agreewith you anon. Especially with this part:

It'sone thing I wish from the Naruto fandom; what need do have to resort topersonal bashing just to get a pointacross? We know how significant SNS was for Naruto in general. Since when do we wish for the worst forothers who have a different opinion over a work of FICTION that makes them happy as well?

I wish the Naruto fandom could prove their pointswithout bashing, insulting and looking down on others. I also wish thatwe could discuss about the positive and negative things about a fictional workwithout dictating other peoples views and what they should enjoy and what not.

As you probably know, I personally am anti ending/anti SS/anti NH, but I respect other peoples opinion. As long as they are happy with their ship and their ending and respect me, they shall have it! I know that some pro Enders actually follow me so I know it is possible to get along with each other even when our opinions don't match. I don't know why this seems to be so difficult for others.

And no, you didn’t give me the idea that SNS is bad, I was mostly already aware of all that. Even that “The whole Naruto fandom is bad”. I know that the Naruto fandom is one of the most toxic anime fandoms out there.

The thing is, Naruto was a fictional work that did go on forever. A lot of people grew up with it and it became a big part of them. Myself included. If you hold something - fictional or not - so dear to you, for so many years, you want to defend it, you are angry about some parts and you try to push everyone who tries to crush your view about the show away. Because at some point, it starts to get REALLY personal. Your feelings for the stories are real and valid. I believe that that’s one of the reasons why the Naruto fandom is like this. A lot of us take things that are about Naruto really personal and get biased about it.

I still hope that we could get along better with each other. We are all one fandom. And if we can’t get along side by side, we at least could try our best to talk with each other politely. Without insulting one another.

Thank you so much for taking your time to share your story with me!

#sns fandom #ask #reply #answer #long post #Sorry for the long respond #I hope didn't talk to much bullshit #as I said #I'm not used to these kind of posts.

4 notes · View notes