#but its been bothering me for days
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yellingart · 1 year ago
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I've been seeing a lott of discourse recently around adopt your pet vs shop from responsable breeders and I won't rest my head until I give my two cents on it-
First, this obviously excludes people who need their animal for their job or in their life, in which said animal has to perform a set of very specific tasks (herding dogs, police dogs, service animals, etc). I'm only talking about pets.
I see a lot of people defending buying from reputable breeders as a better option to adoption because they don't want to put up with the unpredicted beheavour that might come with an adopted pet, or that they dont find in shelters the kind of animal that would suit their household and while I undersstand wanting to find an animal that suits your household these arguments irk me in a very specific way.
Like these people think of getting an animal as a right, as if they needed to get an animal to justify being picky. Sometimes its just aesthetics sometimes it's beheavours, I don't care, I think is about time people stop feeling entittled to have pets. Maybe if you cant find a good suit for your household in a shelter then you should also consider that it might not be the right time for you to have an animal.
And this goes for any situation, even people that defend "I'm alergic to dogs so I NEED a portuguese water dog because theyre hypoallergenic" I get that!!!! but as heartbreaking as it is you don't NEED it you WANT IT!!! there's a difference!! you'll be fine not owning a dog if you aren't in a situation to own a dog!!!!!! It gets to a point in which it is lowkey ridiculous the lenghts people will go to justify their selfish desire to own a certain kind of dog.
I won't go after anybody who decide to buy (from responsible breeders) if they so desire to do that, you do you, if you're ok with it then so be it but I think it is about time we start calling things for what they are, nobody needs a pet bad enough to justify not even wanting to give a chance to shelters first.
I can't bring myself to justify buying, even less buying without even giving a chance to shelters, however I understand this is my personal choice and as long as people is responsible I have nothing to saay about it. But I'd like more people to consider owning animals is NOT and will NEVER be something you need bad enough to justify being so nitpicky about their characteristics unless youre in a field of work that requires working animals or need a service animal with you for medical reasons.
So now that it is clear that it isnt a need,it is a want, a desire, I hope thats enough to make people understand that theres no excuse, no possible excuse, not the money, the time, the effort, the energy, nothing justifies doing less than everything you can to ensure youre obtaining that animal from the most ethical place possible. And that might not always be a shelter, because I am aware not every animal is "adoptable", theres a lot of animals, fish, reptiles, birds, that aren't adoptable but it still isnt an excuse to not do everything you can to ensure youre getting that animal from an ethical place. Because you'll be fine wothout it. You dont need to run. It isn't your "only option". Do your research. Check yourself. Consider option 2, 3, 4, 5. Nothing justifies cutting corners.
Hopefully this will make sense, idk!
Thats all I wanted to say really
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welcometogrouchland · 6 months ago
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Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)
#dc comics#dc#batfamily#batman#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#dick grayson#cassandra cain#duke thomas#anyway. zdarsky run sure is something huh?#its still so funny to me that half of 148 was leaked a few days before like someone has it OUT for that book over at bleeding cool ig#i don't necessarily think this theory will come true I'm just imagining how stupid it would be if it did#I'm not super happy with the dialogue in the cass+duke+dick comic but i felt my og dialogue might've read too fanon#mainly just bc cass' last sentence was originally shorter/just ellipses and duke said smthin like ''wait? villain arc?''#which you could easily find in wayne family adventures. even tho it would've been appropriate for this situation 😭#now the dialogue just sounds kind of generic (esp cass') and it's BOTHERING ME AUGHH. this is the comic book fandom panopticon /j#anyway Bruce is in the retirement home in this scenario /j#me n my friends were talking over discord and came up w the cursed scenario that jason is tims robin in this (apart of the 'redemption' arc#-that he's been nail gunned with in this run. god this run is so weird when it comes to jason. like it doesn't outright dislike him-#-like it clearly does damian and (more obviously) cass steph and duke) but the tone of everything w jason is still bizarre#god. anyway yeah i didn't draw him but please picture grown man tank Jason in the robin undies (ala tt 03 but dare i say better)#also the dick being silly sketch was bc the issue i was reading had damian refer to dick as 'jolly'#specifically like ''unreasonably jolly'' or something like that (god i love when ppl find dicks cheerfulness deeply unsettling hehehe)#and i thought it was so funny. bc damian met dick when we has going through his ''bruce is dead'' depression-#-and STILL thought that dick was extremely unserious. he sees happy dick and is like ''what is wrong w you. genuinely''#but at the same time he loves it#i need to stop reading their batman and robin run so scatteredly (or i can just reread nightwing must die...always a possibility)#anyway yeah 👍 bad sketches be upon you#mine
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months ago
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most of you will not understand the agony of this outfit. but hey here's fantasy au Howdy!
rambles:
yes. i know. he looks like a gunslinger. but I think it'd be funny if Howdy shows up and he minorly tweaks the genre simply by Existing! plus, he has to make himself useful beyond being a traveling salesman - he doesn't have a scrap of magic in him! so! alchemist gunslinger!
due to much of this "final" outfit design being Miguel's (@indigopoptart <3 thanks for your help homeslice <3) influence, i have less to say than usual! i'll talk about the things i Kept from the first terrible, terrible draft!
i wanted him to have full-coverage gloves because One, gloves fuck, & Two, shooting gloves! plus, he regularly works with dangerous materials! gotta keep his hands as safe as possible! speaking of his guns, they were a Ton of fun to draw. i wanted to make them ornate... Howdy seems like he'd enjoy nice things? fancy stuff perhaps? anyway the guns have his tavern "logo" on them!
the "second safety" mentioned triggers a magic-oriented mechanism that allows him to piece the guns together! they "unfold" into a big ol clusterfuck of a powerhouse weapon! unfortunately, using this immediately breaks the guns and they have to be repaired, so it's a "break glass in case of emergency" ace up the Neighborhood's sleeve!
i like to imagine that his bandolier, while cool, stresses everyone out a little bit. each bullet is full of pressurized weaponized magic. If they break while on the bandolier, well! Howdy would probably be very much Royally Fucked! i also drew the bullets too large here, so imagine that there's a lot more than shown and they're a lot smaller. I didn't realize this mistake until right now! oopsies!
i want to keep elements of the canon outfits in these fantasy ones. hence why his vest is striped and blue, he's still got the reddish brown pants, and! why his cloak clasp is shaped like a tie! and why the inside of his cloak resembles his apron!
i like to think that Howdy got his magic pack by swindling some poor soul out of it! when the buckles are undone, it unfolds into a vendor stand that looks Much different than the tiny scribble provided! said scribble is there to ah... what's the word. Demonstrate? get the point across? it's actually quite a nice stall! he has space to sell, and a workbench to tinker on! the pockets on the bag actually do function as pockets, though.
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puppyeared · 4 months ago
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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starry-bi-sky · 11 months ago
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ive been hesitating to ask this bc youve been on a roll with the clone^2au (which i am frothing over) but could i poke you for some childhood friend au? bc GOD i wanna see how danny reacts to reuniting w jason or how the rest of the batfam react to learning jason never told danny of his resurrection or wondering if dannys gonna put jokers dead body on a display/offering to jasons grave. i havent been normal about this since i first read it and was wondering. thank you for your writing.
RAAAAHHHH DON'T BE HESITANT I AM JUST AS FERAL OVER MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU AS I AM WITH CLONE^2 I AM DELIGHTED BY THIS. Like.,,,, i literally love them,,, so much. I can't listen to The Crane Wives without thinking of them.
(which is my fault - the ao3 fic of them has literally only crane wives lyrics for each chapter title and summary (posted AND the ones not written) so of course im gonna associate with them.)
(if you wanna listen to some of their songs while thinking of cfau here are my recommendations: "Once & for All", "Here I Am", "Hollow Moon" is a Danny AND Jason song to me, this would be my go-to song for an animatic of CFAU if i had the skills for it. "Tongues and Teeth", "Curses" and "take me to war" is a heavy cfau danny song to me, and of course, "the moon will sing")
Like they're BEST friends dude, they're two sides of the same coin and when they were kids they would do this thing where their 'fingers crossed'/'double-crossed' was them hooking their index fingers in the fingers crossed gesture.
and i'm actually currently rewriting my original post into a more fic-like format, and when I'm done I'll post it on here under the cfau tag - with the original post still in tact. But its,,, gonna be so long dude,,,, the original behemoth was just over 9000 words,,, and I've written 3k words already of the new one and we haven't even reached Jason and Danny reuniting at the gala yet,,, i need to get back to that,,,
and then to answer your questions!! god im almost hesitant to answer because i dont wanna spoil the little fic i had planned for it but also like,, its not like im gonna spoil everything, right? and answering the questions isnt the same as writing the scene down so!!
i love danny and jason's reuniting, like i've thought about it SO much and I've thought about it happening after Danny kills the Joker. I know the reveal could have been before that, and it could have been equally just as dramatic but like??? Thematically, doing it after danny kills the joker is SO good. To me at least.
Because like?? Jason's been in somewhat denial about danny's plan to kill the joker for months. ever since danny told him that he wanted to at the gala. And from Jason's pov its not even technically a plan. He sees his best friend for the first time after five years and his best friend still isn't over his death. He hasn't stepped foot in Gotham since his funeral and now suddenly he's here.
And he's still so full of grief over his death that he tells a masked vigilante that he's going to kill the guy that did it, who lives in said masked vigilante's city. And danny's got that look in his eyes that Jason knows so well that means he's being serious. And yet he still doesn't know if he should believe him or not.
And then he does. Danny kills him. And Jason can't fucking believe it. And when he goes and sees Danny, Danny's hands are still covered in blood. And that reunion? God like a fucking firework show. Danny's so fucking angry, and pissed, and hurt, and so goddamn overjoyed that he's alive and here that he sends them both to the ground, and if he doesn't calm down he's gonna take out the power in a five block radius.
there's just so, so much yelling on Danny's end. And then so much crying, first from Danny and then them both. because god, you're alive. you're here. i've missed you so much. i'm never letting you out of my sights again.
and Joker's death! God I don't want to actually say too much about that, but the way I have it set up thematically makes me actually not want danny to take any part of the joker with him as an offering. and he may actually forego that particular ghost etiquette and offer something else as an offering to Jason in substitute to not bringing him the Joker's heart/head/ritualistic body part.
Because you know what the last thing a man whose been spending the last two decades of his life building himself up to be larger than life would want? A death that's unremarkable. :) and that's all i'll put on the matter for now.
and the batfam!! they technically already know that jason hasn't told danny he was resurrected, and plenty of them have mixed feelings on them. largely bruce and dick i think, considering they saw firsthand how close jason and danny were when they were kids.
Dick was honestly surprised at first when he found out that Jason hadn't told Danny he was alive - and on one hand he understands the reasoning for it, and on the other hand he isn't sure if it was such a good idea. Especially after he sees Danny again after he arrives back in Gotham and sees just how badly Jason's death was still affecting him. But it's not like he's going to try and convince Jason to tell him - he can make his own choices, even if Dick has questions about them.
Bruce has much the same thoughts as Dick, so there's not really much to add here other than he might bring it up once or twice to Jason like, vaguely. And then immediately drops it when Jason shuts him down. He might actually somewhat...?? prefer that Jason hasn't told Danny because that raises a lot of questions and could jeopardize their identities. However, again, Jason can make his own choices and there's not much Bruce can do about it other than disapprove from afar.
Tim who knew of Danny from stalking the Wayne family shares similars sentiments of being surprised that Jason didn't tell Danny, but again, yeah, understands the thought process to some extent. Doesn't bring it up ever.
Everyone else who hadn't seen firsthand how close Danny and Jason are don't really have much opinion on it -- Jason didn't tell his best friend he was alive, great, he also didn't tell them either so it's not like its that much of a surprise. It would've been more of a surprise to them if Jason had told Danny before he told Bruce and co. Damian may make a comment or two about Jason not telling Danny, but its not about how he can't believe he didn't tell him or anything like it.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#cfau#childhood friends au#danny and jason are such best friends i love them so much#BUT YEAH ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT CFAU I'LL SCREAM#AND THEN TRY AND ANSWER THEM TO MY BEST ABILITY#like i could go on RANTS almost SPECIFICALLY about rath (dan) and then about jason and danny#and their friendship like i've thought about this au with a combined soulmate au and immediately hated the idea because no!#no! i can't call them soulmates. i can't it doesnt fit. their bond goes DEEPER than that. its *better* than that#this wasn't written in the stars it was forged in the back alley streets of gotham with all the broken glass under their feet#and the smell of nicotine weaving itself into the fabrics of their shirts. their souls aren't intertwined because the universe said so#they're two balls of yarn tangled together because they batted it at each other and decided to play cats cradle. and then never bothered#to untangle the string from one another. you'll never know where one ends and the other begins#i actually have a cfau miscellaneous facts post in my drafts that i need to finish too and i might do that today because of this ask <33#the fastest way to starry's heart is through her ask box#asking me questions about my aus is the fastest way to make me make more content about them ajshld#see: clone^2 (i've been coasting off the fanart i got from them for the last two days) and now this#i need to stop more before i start waxing more poetic about jason and danny's bond with one another.#also also jason is equally as feral about danny as danny is about him (see: him plotting joker's demise since he was 14) its just not#showing as much since a lot of this is from danny's pov. like dw this isn't one-sided obsession its mutual.#see: jason seeing danny's scars and immediately wanting to find out who caused it and getting murderously angry about it#its not a starry post unless its long#idk maybe im just obsessed with the idea that relationships are chosen and forged with time and that the bonds we have arent because they#were predetermined but because we made them to be. Like how clone^2 said 'i choose to be brothers' and how danny and jason said#'i choose you. i will always choose you. you're my other half. the one who watches my back. i choose you.'
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zebratimw · 2 years ago
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The entirety of SVSSS--
I may have forgotten to unmute the audio for the tumblr posting on the first upload...
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no-light-left-on · 7 months ago
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"Fuck you."
I've been re-reading What Lies Between Sorrow and Longing and since I am unwell about this entire fic I drew a scene from Chapter 4
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scolopendramorsitans · 19 days ago
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that's One Way to Drink water I guess
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triglycercule · 3 months ago
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i'm finally doing it. i'm finally making that stupid ass horror character analysis i promised myself to make like a month ago. and DAMN this shit is actually so fun ngl horrortale is so beautifully tragically written. i've been listening to SAS's horror theme the entire time i've been doing this because it's actually a pretty good theme for depicting horror ans i need to get into a HIM mood. this sets the tone. my hands are so sweaty but i also have my fan blasting at me so i don't know why the hell i'm so sweaty wtf. anyways idk when i'll finish this but it'll be soon TRUST (i need this character analysis more than anyone 💀💀 this doc is just a first draft since horror is like wayyy more complex than i originally thought wtf)
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paingoes · 4 months ago
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Cuckoo Egg
(continued from here)
(Content: institutionalized slavery, military content, minor character death, fear, begging, lot of crying, blood)
tags: @echo-goes-mmm @sowhumpshaped @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @teachunks @4th-dimensional-writer
======================
She leaves it there, too. She disappears again. It bleeds continuously onto the table, staining the sleeves of his uniform. He has to keep it perfectly still to stop the pain from reigniting. He sobs dryly.
The door opens again. Nicolette slinks in. She’s carrying a glass full of clear liquid. He tries to apologize again, to beg. She quiets him.
“It’s just water,” she says. With his hands bound, she has to bring the glass to his lips for him to drink. He flinches, fully convinced she will break it off in her mouth. But her hands are careful.
“If you lose a lot of blood, you get thirsty,” She explains, “And you’ve been crying a lot.”
He drinks the whole thing. She pulls the glass back, placing it on the table.
“Thank you, ma’am,” Cillian says weakly. This time, she does a worse job masking her surprise.
“You’re welcome,” she says slowly, “Are you ready to talk now?”
He tries not to cry again, to immediately lose whatever hydration he just gained.
“I told you,” he whines.
 She makes a small noise at the back of her throat, “Unfortunately, I don’t have another knife.”
“Wait-“
She plucks the knife out from the table, through the layer of flesh. It hurts just as bad going out. The blood pours with renewed force. Cillian screams. 
She doesn’t get back up on the table this time. It’s too soiled now. She doesn’t want the layers of accumulated blood to strain her clothes. Cillian recoils as she presses the knife flat against his uniform, wiping his own blood on the fabric. The metal catches the gleam.
“Please stop,” he gasps. 
“I’d like to.” Nicolette is right beside him, leaning on the same side of the table that he’s chained up on. All the blood has shocked him. All the terror.
“I’m trying,” he says quietly, going into a kind of trance, “I’m trying, please. I’m trying to be good.”
“Do it, then. I’ll let you rest after. Give me something.”
“I don’t know,” he practically yells. His voice breaks, “I am domestic. I’ve never been in a warzone before. I don’t know anything.”
She holds the knife to his throat. He sobs, barely flinching.
“I don’t want to die over this. It was just supposed to be a day trip. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my choice.”
“What do you mean?” The knife moves down a little, more to the collar than the jugular. It digs into his chest, not quite breaking the skin, but still thorny and painful.
“I don’t-“ he blinks back tears, cutting himself off. It’s so hard to speak now. The pressure in his throat has grown so immense.
Nicolette cuts him, unexpectedly. He jumps in pain and shock, forcing the dagger along a longer trail. It cut through the clothes, along his chest. Its shallow, but it bleeds heavily. His hands clench up reflexively. The muscles tensing triggers pain within the new wound. 
“Stop,” he pleads. She withdraws the knife. He wants the pain stop now, not just the interrogation. But the cuts still throb and burn. There’s nothing anyone can do for that. It takes him a minute to catch his breath. A moment too long and Nicolette presses the knife to the other side of his chest.
“I was only here as a punishment,” he chokes out. His face burns. It’s such a deep instinct for him to try and evade it. The shame cuts through him. 
“I’m sorry,” he manages, “I don’t- I’m not supposed to be here. I’m not a soldier. I’m not. It was just to punish me. I’m sorry.”
He can hardly see her through his tears, “You don’t believe me.”
Without moving the knife from its spot on his chest, she traces her hand around the bare skin of his neck. He winces, expecting her to tighten the grasp. She doesn’t. She’s looking for something.
“No dog tag. Cillian, what’s your full name?”
“I don’t have one.”
The knife enters, just a little.
“I don’t, I swear. They didn’t give me one.” He rushes the words out.
“I don’t- I don’t know,” his face burns, again, deeper, “My master.”
He hates how the word feels in his mouth, but it gets her to take the knife out. 
“No name on the uniform, either. All the others had one.”
He cringes as she realizes she is talking about the dead bodies of the soldiers he’d come with. He wonders where they’re keeping them now.
Nicolette slides off the table, turning back towards the door. Cillian can’t see her expression though the tears. Even if he could, it wouldn’t tell him much.
============
She returns quicker than he expected, but it still feels like hours have gone by. Cillian had calmed down a little, just enough to stop crying. Her sudden reappearance dashed his progress. She was trailed by two men. 
“Please don’t, please, please,” Cillian panicked, his imagination already running wild.
“Tell them what you told me,” her voice is more urgent now, almost beseeching, “Why you were in the desert.”
“I don’t know!” Cillian’s voice rose in frustration, his anger only slightly subdued by the blood loss.
“No. You, specifically. You know. Tell them.” She insisted.
If his hands were free, he’d have brought them to his face, in spite of the way the blood would smear. He wants to hide.
“They sent me on the mission as a punishment. I didn’t come by choice. I’m not a soldier.” His breathing is heavy and uneven. It makes his voice pitch.
Nicolette exchanges a look with the men she brought with her. They eye the wounds he’s been given. Without any words sharped between them, they all turn to leave. Cillian collapses back in the seat, too exhausted to live.
They return shortly after and without Nicolette. There is not much in terms of discussion, but one wraps a piece of cloth around his hand and another on his elbow, stopping the blood flow and cutting off circulation. It’s a little late for that. The cuffs are undone from the table, but not removed from his wrists.
“Where are we going?” Cillian says weakly
“Infirmary. There’s been a mistake,” The man says, not exactly looking at him. It doesn’t matter. Cillian can’t even hold his head up.
=======
They find the brand quickly. Cillian had forgotten it was even there, it was the last thing on his mind. He had put a lot of effort into pretending it didn’t exist. In this instance, it saves him.
Their tone changes immediately. It is not one of apology or of outrage, but of hushed guilt. They can’t even look him in the eye. Still, he counts himself lucky just to have been left alone. The cuffs come off. They strip the bloodied uniform from his back so they can treat the shallow chest wounds. The medics there wrap his hand in a cloth bandaid. They do not seem to be in any hurry to get him a new shirt, but some of the desert heat seeps through the walls and it’s not at all unpleasant. The bed is so soft. He sits on the edge of it, still party curled in on himself. He rubs at the flesh where the metal bit him. His skin is still stained a bit pink.
He doesn’t hear it when Nicolette returns. She seems to maintain some barrier between herself and Cillian the entire time. She crosses her arms over the top of his headboard and rests her chin on top of them. Cillian jumps, scooting closer to the foot of the bed.
“Does it hurt, Cillian?” She says in the same emotionless voice. He cringes a little.
“No, ma’am,” He answers fearfully. It was true, though. The shot they gave him made his whole body numb. There’s a strange tingling feeling where the pain should be.
“Don’t call me that. I don’t like it anymore.” Her eyes are so wide. Cillian doesn’t respond.
“You are very upset with me,” She observes.
“I told you,” he hisses. He can’t hold it in. He wants to apologize for it immediately, but to his surprise, she speaks first.
“You told me what anyone in your position would say.” She readjusts herself, pulling one hand free to brush her hair back, “All the others had stories just like it.”
He shakes his head. She keeps going.
“You have to understand, Cillian. There’s nothing we find more despicable than an evil coward. Someone who can inflict pain onto others but can’t take it themselves. You’d be surprised how often we see it among the ranks. It needs to be stomped out.”
“But I didn’t do that.” Cillian says and feels as if he’s right back in the cell.
“I know. I’m sorry.” She still doesn’t blink, but her lips press into a thin line. 
The apology snaps him out of it. He’s not any less angry, but he is less afraid. He wants to cry again.
“My hand is never going to heal.” He clutches the cloth tightly. He might as well get her while he has her, before she can change her mind.
“It will,” Nicolette insists. She holds up her own palm. A jagged scar runs down the center of it.
“One of the most sensitive parts of the body, you know,” She speaks without feeling.
Cillian shivers. He did know.
“Are you going to let me go now?” He asks quietly. The room feels colder.
“Go where?” She tilts her head in that familiar motion, smooth and uncanny. 
He blinks. Back to his master, of course. Where else would he go? Nicolette eyes the brand, a deep purple against his tan skin.
“I don’t think so, Cillian,” She shakes her head, closes her eyes.
“I think we should find you new clothes.”
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skunkes · 2 months ago
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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yeah so i'm falling for @weevmo's Guys... they're so neat! i dig their vibes and can't wait to see what Corduroy Stew is all about <3
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everysongineverykey · 1 year ago
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as much as i love stardew valley i really don't like the emphasis it places on marriage and kids. it's just something about the way that you HAVE to add a nursery to your house in order to complete the house upgrade achievement (and of course you need all achievements to achieve 100% completion), the way having kids is an achievement in itself. the way that when your spouse asks you if you want to have kids your options are "yes" and "not now". i'm genuinely really thankful for the option to turn your kids into doves. the way the DAY after you become best friends with someone single you get a letter in the mail telling you how to ask someone out, the way there's ANOTHER achievement for dating ten people (well. it's really for reaching a ten-heart friendship level with like eight people but there are only so many people you can do that with without dating them). the way the mayor says at your wedding ceremony that "from this day onward, [name] is going to be just as much a part of the community as anyone else" implying that you weren't a part of the community until you got married. the way the eight heart events are supposed to just be you becoming best friends with that person but at least three people's events involve them secretly being in love with you during that supposedly platonic cutscene. i personally love getting married in stardew valley but not everybody wants that and the pressure the game puts on you to settle down and have a nice little family with 2.5 kids kind of puts a damper on the fun.
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arson-09 · 4 months ago
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just saw an art from an artist who worked with sjm during acomaf, basically her work is the closestof the character's actual appearence, like, the anon who said sjm looked at natalie alyn lind for description, that is basically what happened, and in a cartoon style she made, lucien is kinda almost the same color as tamlin, and cassian and azriel are the same as rice.... it is all funny considering that in arts were they (except tamlin) are not "darker" some people complain about white washing...
also, gonna mention helion, bc he actually has a persian/iranian appearence, and there were people complaing with the official artist that she white washed him, in the official acotar coloring book... y'know, """"""""""""""""the official artist instead of drawning the character as my headcanon, no, she did as close as they are supposed be, that must be white washing!"""""""" like, people are so dumb
I hate when people hate on artists when they're just doing the best they can with the information given and what the author has said.
on that note, the issue comes down to what I call implied diversity. SJM almost never straight up says a character is a PoC, especially if they are a main character. She may describe someone's appearance one way, usually with flowery and ambiguous language then lets the fandom do the heavy lifting. She lets the fandom make the diversity.
Its why people attack artists for 'whitewashing' even if they are just doing their job. Because people read and interpret it how they like and canonize their perceptions. Its why there's so much skin color variation in Rhysand art (for example) ((it's also why there's so much discourse in this 'fandom' over characters in general but I digress))
Sjm is a bad author when it comes to writing diversity in her cast of characters, and when she tries its very halfhearted. People get their panties in a twist over everything in acotar. She fumbles writing cohesive characters (rhysand changing skin tones acotar-acomaf, tamlins whole character) but the majority of the 'fandom' can't handle discussion over that lmao.
anyway, kinda went off but yeah!! whitewashing is a serious issue when it comes to character art but it's a moot point in the acotar fandom because of sjm lmao.
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moeblob · 6 months ago
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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