#but its also Teenage Dream and Out of My League. no one understands them like I do

[welcome-to-the-shit-library]

do you ever make a playlist for a character or pairing that’s like definitely not consistent but like. It’s my artistic vision. maybe you just dont get them like I do

[spiderdreamer-blog]

My Adventures With Superman: “Adventures of a Normal Man, Pts. 1 and 2″ Review

Since the end of Superman: The Animated Series, Superman has not had an animated series solely dedicated to himself as an adult in the intervening 23 years. He’s certainly been part of team shows like Justice League/Unlimited or Legion of Superheroes (albeit as a teenaged Superboy) that had his character as a key component. And there have been no shortage of movies, live action or animated, that starred him either. But it feels like something’s been lost, especially on the live action end, where interesting ideas by Zack Snyder and Henry Cavill largely failed to coalesce into a compelling character (and also were a major contributing factor in the current disaster zone that is Warner Bros. Discovery, so, that doesn’t help). But we finally have a new series starring him in My Adventures With Superman, and its two-part premiere has finally surfaced. How do things shake out for the Man of Steel?

Rather than start with the standard origin, the series picks up with Clark Kent (Jack Quaid, The Boys, Star Trek: Lower Decks) arriving in Metropolis to start work at the Daily Planet as an intern alongside his roommate Jimmy Olsen (Ishmel Sahid, Cousins for Life). They quickly meet Lois Lane (Alice Lee, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist), a fellow intern who dreams of bigger things, but is currently stymied by the Planet’s gruff editor-in-chief Perry White (Darrell Brown, Gabby’s Dollhouse). Lois drags Jimmy and Clark along on a story about military tech stolen by mercenary Leslie “Livewire” Willis (Zehra Fazal, Voltron Legendary Defender, Amphibia, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), which pretty quickly spirals out of control. Clark quickly leaps in to save the day, and now the question of who or what this “Superman” is becomes THE question.

The first, most striking thing about My Adventures With Superman is its look and tone. Aided by the ever-capable Studio Mir, the character designs are bright, expressive, and far more rounded than the stripped-down, angular DCAU look of old. Clark in particular has an appealing sweet softness to his farmboy frame, Jimmy being black has been done before but never quite this excitable, and Lois is now a full-on tomboy with short hair and dark skin, much to the consternation of idiot YouTube grifter screamy men everywhere. This spreads downward to the tone, where producers Jake Wyatt (DuckTales), Brendan Clogher (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), and Josie Campbell (She-Ra) basically position the proceedings as a shoujo/josei romantic comedy that happens to have superhero action scenes.

Nothing against them, of course, they’re very well done (and fix a core problem I had with She-Ra in that the action scenes were, number one with a bullet, the weakest part due to jank). But just as much attention is paid to loving close-ups of Lois and Clark blushing as they realize they might LIKE like each other. Needless to say, I find it incredibly charming, especially after years of SnyderBros breathlessly insisting that Cavill’s dour, contemplative lonely god Superman who SNAPS PEOPLE’S NECKS is the best version of the character instead of some pussy who, I don’t know, saves kittens from trees.

(Full disclosure: Cavill is a fine actor in other projects and I have a great deal of admiration for Zack Snyder as a filmmaker, just...not them together for the most part)

In particular, a Clark who’s unsure of himself gives things a bit more of a mysterious tone than usual, particularly in the most intriguing plot hook so far: the Kryptonian ship that he came in contains the usual hologram of Jor-El, but he speaks in garbled Kryptonian that Clark can’t understand and is frightened by as a child. This, the ship creating The Costume (though Martha adds a humanizing touch with a belt and shorts), and a flash of a space battle when he unhooks a piece of damaged tech from Livewire’s back hint that it may be harder than usual to reconcile his Kryptonian and Earth selves. Which I’m not opposed to. While, as said in my STAS review, I don’t generally like the idea that Krypton was some cold unfeeling society with no value to Clark, this could be going a different, more interesting direction.

The awkwardness also adds great dividends to his interplay with Lois, who he generally has to keep up with anyway. Jimmy is also boosted in terms of already having an interest in extraterrestrial stuff, and he feels like a genuine part of the ensemble instead of a third wheel. The supporting cast is also going in some interesting directions, with a wearier Perry White than usual as a solid semi-antagonistic force, Livewire standing out as a smart, canny villain even before she busts out the Electro powers, and an excellent read on the Kents, with Jonathan and Martha warm and supportive, but fretting about losing Clark to this new persona. (Hey, Snyder? That’s how you make the Kents conflicted about Clark being Superman, not “idk, maybe you should let kids die rather than reveal your secret”)

All of this is aided by an incredibly strong voice cast. Quaid is my favorite Clark voice in a long time, affecting a soft dorkiness rather than going for a slightly formal patrician vibe. His comic timing is also great, such as in an early scene where he first meets Lois and is quickly embarrassed. Lee matches him well by switching out Lois’ usual businesswoman vibes for “overcaffeinated”, as well as self-aware enough to admit her mistakes, though not enough to cop to her immediately becoming smitten with Clark. Sahid is a funny, excitable Jimmy, taking the edge off what could have been an eye-rolling “CONSPIRACY THEORIST” gag, and his interplay with Quaid and Lee is often a highlight of the show. On the supporting end, Brown wisely dials down to be a straight man, Fazal is credibly tough and intelligent as usual, Kari Wahlgren gets those aforementioned great beats as Martha, and Azuri Hardy-Jones is immediately endearing as Flip Johnson, a gender-flipped version of the leader of Jack Kirby’s Newsboy Legion (now the NewsKIDS Legion, given some other gender-swaps in the group); she’s very much a believable scrappy kid, worrying at one point if they should call the President or “my mom”.

(Sidebar: the funniest, most unusual casting here is Chris Parnell as an anime twunk-ified Slade Wilson/Deathstroke, who appears as an ominous figure that tries to get intel out of Livewire, fights her, then captures and interrogates her with Amanda Waller and seemingly Sam Lane in attendance after Superman de-escalates the situation. Now, Parnell is an excellent voice actor with a long resume at this point, but his stock in trade is usually characters like Cyril Figgis on Archer or Jerry on Rick & Morty, who are most charitably described as weak-willed sexual obsessives. It’s a head-trip to hear him take on a role previously essayed by deep-voiced gravel pit legends like Ron Perlman, Will Arnett, Mark Rolston, and the late Miguel Ferrer. Though perhaps wisely, he doesn’t try to imitate those guys and leans into his own tones, just more of a smarmy asshole variant. His delivery of “We’re the good guys” at the end of the premiere is wonderfully insincere.)

Overall, My Adventures With Superman is immensely promising and I hope it has a decently long, unimpeded-by-Discovery-fuckery run. By going off-book but also appealing to the fundamentals of the character, it’s a fresh take that I am keenly interested in seeing develop and grow. Also, it’s just really dang cute, sue me.

[achliegh]

Olive and Otto

Masterlist :)

@domesticatedbeetlenamedjorge

This is an AU still set in the SW universe but a little to the right and maybe down the block. I want Leo to have a little secret!

This is the 19th chapter of this little series I have and it's a little spicy. Enjoy!

This is a big one!

TW/CW: Smut, Drama, Arguing, Questioning Sexuality, Food, Panic attack

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Kids… Leo has kids. Leo has twins… TWINS! Finn was just blinking at them still as a statue while Leo's mom brought all the kids' stuff in and Leo was wiping the tears off the little boys, Otto, face. He must have left them to pursue his dream, suddenly he feels light headed, when Otto turns his head and on the right side just above his ear, he has a crescent shaped surgery scar. He watched Leo run his thumb over the scar lovingly and it makes sense.

Leo being the loving and considerate person he is, shaved the sides of his head like his… sons. INK had the right side of her head shaved too, was this because Otto was worried he wouldn’t fit in or something like that. Then Finn remembered the Tattoos! O&O behind Leo's ear on the right side of his head. Everything has a meaning.

The kids he would hear on Leo’s phone calls… Olive and Otto

Why would he keep them hidden from the team though. Why hide them from the world? If you search Leo you don’t find his offspring on his google profile. WHAT THE FUCK!

Holy shit, INK is the mother of Leo’s kids! No wonder they have such a special bond! Then again, they are both big ole gays so how the fuck does that work! He was so confused. He felt a tug on his pinky finger and looked down, those striking blue eyes stared up at him. Olive had the same shape of doe eyes that INK has, actually she looked so much like her except for her eye color, curly hair and… dimples. She was smiling at him and his heart melted into a puddle like ice cream on a hot day. He squatted down to her height and was surprise when she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered to him.

“Thank you for staying with daddy.” She pulled away after pecking him on the cheek and ran to find her mom. Putting a hand over his mouth he couldn’t help but smile. Finn has always loved kids but he couldn’t imagine having kids so young. Was he ready for this? Should he get involved with Leo and his family. What if he messed up and the kids grew up horribly and it was his fault. What if the kids just hated him, or if one of them hated him!

“Fish?” He looks up to see Leo looking at him nervous as he holds Otto on his hip. The child is nuzzling his neck and yawning, tired from the long car ride. “Are you okay?” Leo looked terrified, Finn was guessing that his twins had driven a few possible suitors away. Finn didn’t know if he could take care of a child, he could barely take care of himself. Leo was still a child, well not really but still.

“How old?” He looks at Otto who shy's away from him by shoving his face back into Leos neck. “How old were you?”

“15, it was the one time INK and I ever did anything like that” He is looking at the ground in shame. “It was a 1% chance, we even used protection and she was on birth control. She was on that because her cycle is so bad but we thought it wouldn’t happen, somehow it did. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.” He kisses Otto’s forehead and looks at Finn for a second then looks towards the kitchen where he can hear Olive and his mother laughing. “My mom was actually really excited, I had come out to her before we even knew INK was pregnant. She said she didn’t care as long as she got some form of grandkids.” He laughs a little and Otto whines as he jostled him. “That's when INK was kicked out and she lived with us, she dropped out of school for that year because it took such a toll on her body, I felt so guilty the entire time. Then this little thing developed a small tumor in his brain last year, had surgery and asked us to have hair like him.” He tickles Otto's stomach for a second, he wiggles and Leo puts him down as he runs to Olive.

“I never would have guessed”

“I try to keep them out of the public eye, my parents didn’t tell the world about me until I could decide if I wanted to be in the public eye. I plan to do the same for them, plus it isn’t safe. There is also the stigma of teenage parents, you know, bad parents who neglect their kids to go out and party. Stupid shit like that. I don’t want to hear it from the league, its my family. I don’t want to be criminalized for them. They’re my life!” Looking at Finn with eyes that are begging him to understand. “I send most of my paychecks to the kids because they need it more than me. They need me but I need to be here.” He sighs “Once they lay down for a nap we can talk about this more, okay?”

“Can I call Logan over to have this talk with him too?”

Leo swallowed as his nerves were coming back.

He nodded

[warmest-oceans]

A Non-Paradoxical Moment of Accepting Oneself While Falling in Love with a Best Friend

Set in Phuket, a beautiful large island in southern Thailand, I Told Sunset About You already wins the Best Picture category. The island is magnificent on its own — blessed with emerald clear water, bed of white sand, quiet calm breeze, but the island also has the charm of its old town scenery. Every shot feels like it was shot in a new world. The combination of laid-back island life with culturally rich town is visually pleasing.

Aside from its excellent choice of set, the storyline is the true gem here. In the peaceful island of Phuket, we’re brought into the not-so-quiet lives of our two male protagonists, Teh (Billkin Assaratanakul) and Oh-aew (PP Amnuaydechkorn). From the start we know that these two best friends are about to be involved in something that’s bigger than themselves, something that’s uncontrollable and something that will change their lives forever.

It won’t be a 10/10 series if the actors can’t bring the golden storyline to live. The actors who play our male protagonists apparently have been friends since they were teenagers, making every scene they act on-screen believable. The chemistry can be seen clearly with a dash of improvisation here and there by the actors themselves and the magical direction by Boss Kuno, the director of the series.

I can’t really wrap up my introductory of the series without mentioning the amazing soundtrack and scoring. We only have three songs as soundtrack (with different versions) sung by our male protagonists, but the quality is top-notch, you’ll fall for it!

OK, I’m done with my introductory piece. Now, let me gush about this series. To me, I Told Sunset About You has become a coming-of-age story that left a permanent dent in my heart. It’s everything I ask for in a series; a beautiful set, excellent story, magical chemistry, and incredibly fitting soundtrack. Sadly, the series is almost always lumped into BL category, which I find insulting to the series to be honest.

Although I don’t identify myself as a part of LGBTQ+ community, I relate to the series more than I initially thought. Let me be honest, I am INVESTED in this series. Let me just write down the things that I think make this series is in a whole another league.

Self-acceptance in the middle of everything else

The series is great at delivering the moment of being a teenager who’s in the middle of self-discovery, starting to think about the future (the protagonists are in 12th grade), falling in love (hard) for the first time (on top of that, with your very own best friend!), seeking acceptance and validation, and trying to stay afloat at the same time. The topic seems to be nothing out of ordinary, but its ordinariness that brings up its own charm when it’s combined with excellent character development.

We all go through self-discovery and we all try to accept who we are when we’re teenagers — how crazy it was, restless, tiring, but also exhilarating it was. That’s why I think the series will resonate with most people.

I love how the process of the protagonists discovering and accepting themselves also answers the dilemma of falling in love with the best friend. Personally, I believe that I need to love myself first to love another person (note: if you want it to work and if you want the relationship to be a healthy one).

Thanks to this series I had a pleasure of reliving the experience of self-discovery and self-acceptance once again. No kidding, after I watched the series, I did a bit of self-reflection.

Impulsiveness

I think the first emotion that the series successfully portrayed is the impulsiveness of hot-blooded teens. I love how chaotic and erratic Teh and Oh-aew can be. One day they’re best friend, tomorrow? Who knows. Everything is a mess and everything is truly a collection of fleeting temporary moments.

Nobody in the series got their shit together and it’s supposed to be like that. Nobody figures out shit when they are in 12th grade. Everyone in the series is scattered, explosive, tortured, yet sensitive and delicate at the same time. It really reminds me of my own 12th grade moments!

Most of teens would act out of their gut reactions and that’s exactly what the characters do in this series. They’re not perfectly groomed and planned. So if you’re no longer in your teenage years or maybe if you’re in your 30s, you may find some of their actions to be silly and atrocious even. Tip: try to remember your teenage years. Try to remember all the stupid things you did in 12th grade. It helps you understand the characters.

Jealousy among friends is real and valid

I rarely see a show can realistically execute the side story of jealousy in friendship or even rivalry. Sometimes it’s too mean, sometimes it’s not even brought up (mostly being avoided in a story). I Told Sunset About You portrays jealousy in the most relatable way, through microexpressions. Through Oh-aew’s subtle glance at Teh and Ma or through Teh’s smile when talking to Oh-aew. Really, kudos to the whole team!

Naivety that leads to boldness

I think we can all agree that we’re much bolder when we’re younger, no? That’s because we have this naivety vested in us. Like trying to learn how to ride a bike for the first time, we don’t think much about the risk, we just want to have fun with the bike. We think adults will catch us when we fall anyway.

It’s another thing from the series that makes me fall in love with it. These flawed characters, probably in their 17 or 18, think that everything will be sorted out eventually. While, we adult know that most of the time, we clean our own mess. You’ll know what I’m talking about in episode 4.

Everyone got their own idea of first love

I think love is a complex, hard-to-understand feeling for everyone in every age, let alone for a bunch of 12th graders. Deeply impressed with how the series handles the tenderness and also the chaos of first love. How the series shows different outcomes of loving romantically for the first time is also admirable.

Teh stole my heart. At first, he was so certain about his feeling. He was calm, loving, and patient, the best you could be when you’re in love. But later when he’s in turmoil with himself, he becomes petty, awkward, and impulsive. He thought he loved, but turned out, it wasn’t even the kind of love he’d imagined.

I’m the main character

No character in this series is a filler. Everyone got their own dream and ambitions. Tarn, the female character isn’t just an obstacle between our protagonists. She’s a fully-developed character, an independent woman that works hard for her dream and a dynamic person. Bas, a male character, a good friend of Oh-aew has his own likings and dream. He’s good at some things. He acts on his own. Everyone is the main character in their own world and it’s evident in the series.

Symbolism and color theory

This wouldn’t be one of my favorite series without hidden meanings, symbolism, and color theory. Almost every scene and every material placement is intentional in this series. I won’t talk about it much because it’ll spoil the fun of you finding them.

Nostalgia

I had fun watching, crying, smiling, and laughing throughout the episodes the way they are. Aside from warmth and the feeling of awe, maybe the production crew doesn’t realize that it also makes me feeling nostalgic.

It reminds me of how futile and just fragile some of the moments from my youth were. They looked like big deals when I was in my 17, but now they are just dust. They really don’t matter in the next 5 years.

It reminds me of how insanely good falling in love felt like. It was intense yet tender, messy yet everything fell into pieces perfectly. The feeling that you want to give the person the world, but sometimes that world isn’t what the other person wants or needs. The feeling that you can almost do anything for this person. The suffocating feeling of not knowing what to do, but want to do everything for the other person. The liberating feeling of falling into the abyss. The feeling of surrender… completely.

The series makes me remember how exciting and scary it was when I realized I fell in love with one of my best friends, how confusing it was to even talk to him the next day after the realization. I just wanted to be with him ever since. Nobody could take that away from me and everything just didn’t make sense anymore in my head, just like how Teh and Oh-aew felt.

As you can see, I only have good words for the series. I hope, after watching the series, you’ll feel various emotions but hopefully… they’re all good and warm, because that’s how I felt. I also think that the production crew tried really hard to deliver a heartwarming series (please watch the documentaries/their behind the scene videos, it’s amazing!). I hope this series can be a newfound joy for you.

[kangaracha]

tell me about your ocs tho

you asked for this

so it’s been like, a while, since i really looked at my ocs outside of zombies, and also my work with the most proper ocs for zombies isn’t published yet, so i’m just going to do the three from other fandoms that i have big fics for and if you wanna hear about my little zombies ocs you can ask about em. okay. okay.

this is also really hard cause these characters go through so much change over the course of these fics, and i’m trying not to give away spoilers xD i will try. my best.

the OG. the one and only. the working-through-your-teenage-frustrations character. i love her.

IMOGEN HAYLOCK

mcu -  read sparrow

so the thing with imogen is that i wanted to do something different to the other oc fics I’d seen so far in this fandom. which is not to say those fics were bad or anything, i love them, i just want to be different. I was interested in writing a character that was like....not the perfect fit for the avengers, or the girl that got along with everyone, and then i saw TWS and related media (lookin at you, agents of shield), and i was like, ‘okay but if you were just hydra by name and working by shield values and principles all that time, and then suddenly you had to get up and kill your coworkers....’ and imogen Began.

i find her interesting for her wit and dry humour, her sarcasm and her big attitude - but also, her frustration with life, the deep-cut anger that she’s carrying with her like a rock, her struggle with self-worth and the way she presents herself to the world, and her complete average-ness in a place where everyone is exceptional. she’s nothing special - she’s just skating by, actually, she’s a high school dropout and on probation as a shield agent, and she’s really only off the streets because hydra value her as an object that might hold some valuable information related to a twenty year old cold case that doesn’t even have any relevance anymore in the grand scheme of things.

in sparrow, she finds something to relate to in clint barton - avenger, but also human disaster zone, making things up on the fly, most overlooked superhero of the century, completely regular guy with one unusual skill. she has to learn to be open to change and to want to be a good person, instead of an angry, ignorant person who will blindy follow whatever order she’s given and pick fights with anyone that disagrees with her. she also realises a lot of things that she should have realised sooner - that what’s left of her family is toxic as hell, that she’s been blindy following the forces of evil for years, that she doesn’t have to be an angry child from a broken home anymore, and that there’s a whole, scary world out there waiting for her and she can go and find anything she wants.

the rest of the trilogy, flicker and swift, follow her finding her way in the world, figuring out who she’s going to be and what she’s going to do, which is very relatable to me rn. it’s like therapy. flicker is also a great opportunity for me to have a crack at writing a romance as a side plot, and getting to let this character grow and realise her own self-worth and that yes, she can actually love and be loved in lots of different ways, is so satisfying. swift is just the icing on the cake, swift is her coming into her power, in her own way, it’s her looking back and realising that she’s changed her life and that she could do it after all, it’s a satisfying ending, i promise. i’m going to share it with you one day.

the slaughter of the lambs is kind of the sequel to the very first ac game that i always wanted and never got - except it’s not about altair because. i’m ~special~. the fic is set 20 years after the game, in the Levant, and is split into 4 parts spanning most of marwa’s lifetime, starting in 1211 AD and ending in 1257 AD and following her through the golden era of the assassin’s and the brotherhood’s downfall. it’s canon complaint, but runs like....canon adjacent. it’s its own story.

MARWA ABADI

assassin’s creed - read the slaughter of the lambs

marwa begins this story as a novice training in masyaf, the only female assassin in all of the levant. she’s raw and half-trained, never seen combat, her strength and ability put into doubt every day - but she’s talented too, and she works twice as hard as the boys, determined to prove everyone wrong. she’s tough and scrappy because she has to be to survive in the world she’s put herself in, and just a little too self-confident, which leads her to a downfall but also an important learning curve about wit and wisdom and loyalty, and the importance of striking a balance between free will and service to a cause. 

the rest of the story follows these themes on through the times of most upheaval in her life, as she struggles with following the creed and the beliefs of the assassin order and playing her role as a soldier for this cause, and with doubt and acting in accordance with her own personal morals and beliefs, which as time goes on and the assassin’s change, she finds do not always align. she has a strong sense of right and wrong and a strong character to back this up, and she strives throughout her life to become wise like her mentors were and to guide the world as best she can towards the right kind of future, as an assassin is supposed to. 

i wrote this character to explore the idea of being a servant to a higher order, to being faceless and lost to time and serving your cause knowing that, and how you find peace with giving your life over to that. especially coming from this day and age, when everything is recorded and everyone wants to be remembered for something, i found this interesting to explore. as marwa developed as a character, the other things came; her struggle with blind loyalty and festering doubt and the careful balance that she needs to strike between them, the folly of youth and the wisdom that she gains as she grows older, and the struggle of being a woman living in a male-dominated period of history and dedicating herself to a craft usually reserved for men. 

the first thing you need to understand about this fic, and this character, is that this is the therapy fic. this is me working through my own issues, but like also add +10 drama so that it’s interesting. and a romance plot, because i need the practise.

ANGIE SOMMARS

pokemon - read to go beyond your borders

angie’s story is mostly a sword/shield fic, though i borrowed some characters and stuff from diamond/pearl. the timelines are not canon. it’s set the year after the events of sw/sh, in galar. it follows angie through the gym challenge and her own personal conflicts, of which she has a laundry list. the fic finds her freshly arrived in galar from her home region in sinnoh, having run away from her responsibilities and the pressure of them at home looking for some kind of answer to her problems, or reassurance that she’s still good at what she does.

angie’s main conflict centres around her being the champion of the sinnoh league, a talented and experienced pokemon trainer sitting painfully exposed in the public eye. she struggles hugely with the reality of this position, and all the expectations that are put up to the person that holds it - she’s expected to be the strongest trainer in the region, to keep up a positive public image as the figurehead of the pokemon league, to be on the job most days of the year and ready for whatever it might throw at her. there’s always someone pushing her to be better, to present herself the way they think she should - and she’s used to being pushed and to being shaped, but there’s only so far you can bend a person before they will break.

angie is burnt out. she’s been in the public eye since she was five years old and competing in pokemon contests, and she’s far from the perfect princess of the league. her mistakes follow her around like a black cloud, creating controversy every time she reaches a new goal and drawing more and more bad press every time she messes something up. she doesn’t know what her own goals are anymore, and she doesn’t know where to go from the platform she’s found herself stranded on - she’s clinging to a position she’s too afraid to admit she doesn’t want anymore, and she’s scared to fall, or to break, or to look out to different horizons.

angie’s story explores the double-edged sword of fame and fortune, the satisfaction of being the best but also the scrutiny people place you under, the impact of ‘cancel culture’ on an individual, depression and anxiety and the endless circles of guilt in a toxic family environment...but also the hope of finding new horizons and finding the courage to take those first steps into the future that you want. it’s a coming of age kind of story, it’s young people finding their feet and new friends and new dreams and supporting each other through hard times. and it all ends well, which, to me, is the most important thing.

[vannahfanfics]

Teenage Angst

Category: General Fluff

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Characters: Hitoshi Shinso, Shota Aizawa

The taiga biome is the largest terrestrial biome, occupying large regions of Europe, North America, and Asia, often abutting tundras. These biomes are also known as coniferous forests or boreal forests. They experience short, wet summers and long, cold winters… 

Hitoshi threw his biology textbook across the library table with a snarl. The pages flapped in the air as the textbook somersaulted, and it landed face-down on the smooth wood with an almost depressing flop. Hitoshi’s lavender eyes regarded the educational tome with disdain, while it just sagged pathetically back. He wondered if the Hero Course students had to slog through boring lectures about global biomes and habitats, or if certain aspects of general education were omitted in favor of more practical hero-based education. 

He lightly slammed his forehead down on the table with a groan. He’d thought that making an upset in the school festival would entice the admission committee to reconsider his placement, but it seemed that he’d been overshadowed by the flashy members of Class 1-A. He pounded his forehead against the smooth wood several times, trying to beat the frustration out of himself. It just ate him alive, slaving away in the General Studies Course while what he desired most remained tantalizingly out of reach. 

He rolled his head so his cheek rested against the table and his lidded purple eyes stared at the book. Maybe I’m really not hero material, he thought, his lips twitching down into a frown. He thought that more often than he’d like to admit. He just couldn’t help but think that sometimes, perhaps as a defense mechanism to appease his sadness. If anything, it just made the frustration that much more potent. It roiled in his belly, slowly clawing away at his insides like a poison. 

“I see you’re absolutely riveted by your studies.” 

Hitoshi rolled his head the other way, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, to see Class 1-A’s instructor, Shota Aizawa, standing beside his table. His dark eyes were lidded as he stared at Hitoshi blankly, the lower half of his face hidden by the large coffee cup he was sipping from. His other hand was buried in the pocket of his baggy black jumpsuit, crinkled as he slouched lazily. 

“Well, you know,” Hitoshi grunted as he slowly forced himself to sit up, “I do so enjoy learning about boreal forests.” 

“Oof. Biology. What a bore,” the teacher huffed, the corners of his lips peeking around the cup as he scowled in distaste. 

He then walked to the end of the table to pick up the upended book, carefully smoothing down the creases and closing it before setting it down. He stared at the book for a moment before exhaling deeply, pulling out the chair opposite Hitoshi and sinking into it like he was exhausted. Hitoshi doubted he’d done anything of substance today, except maybe deal with the rowdy bunch in 1-A. Actually, that probably was exhausting. 

“So, let me guess… You are frustrated that your escapades during the school festival didn’t have the desired results, so now you can’t see any worth in your studies and are embroiled in teenage angst?” the teacher said, staring at Hitoshi with a blankly bored expression. Hitoshi grimaced at the strange way he uncannily voiced the source of Hitoshi’s foul mood. 

“A weird way to say it, but yes. How’d you know?” 

“I understand that reading about boreal forests is mind-numbingly boring, but I don’t think it necessarily prompts throwing a book across a table,” Eraserhead shrugged. He set his coffee cup down with a gentle thunk, then leaned forward, clasping his hands as he stared at Hitoshi levelly. “The bottom line is that you want to be a hero because you internalized all those comments about your Quirk and want to show the world that it can be used for good.” 

“Stop psychoanalyzing me. You’re too good at it,” Hitoshi frowned, squirming uncomfortably. Was it that obvious, how much ill content he possessed? Still, “teenage angst” was a strange way to put it. Then again, Eraserhead was a pretty strange dude, dozing in a sleeping bag and wriggling around like a worm while he sucked on baby’s applesauce packets… Seriously, who allowed the employment of this dude? 

“I’m not psychoanalyzing,” Eraserhead said, showing the first hint of emotion through the entire exchange in the form of a smirk. “People used to say the same thing about my Quirk.” 

“Really?” 

“Really. I got a lot of comments about how frightening it could be, rendering heroes powerless and allowing other villains the chance to gang up on them. As much as you try to brush it off, it gets under your skin after a while, and soon you start to even believe it.” 

Hitoshi sunk down in the chair, forehead furrowing into a frown. Maybe I’m really not hero material. He hated how often he thought that, how he believed it more every day. Anxiety began to prickle underneath his skin. Had Eraserhead come to tell him that too? Had he come to tell him that his Quirk was useless and he could never be a hero? A small tremor gripped his body, and he swallowed thickly, unable to look at the hero sitting across from him. He trained his gaze on the library table, tracing the patterns of the grain, round and round in circles. Was he getting dizzy, or simply nauseous with fear? 

“For the record, I don’t believe that your Quirk is only suited for villainy.” 

The cold sweat that had gripped Hitoshi dispelled in an instant. He whipped his head up with a small gasp to see Eraserhead smiling kindly at him, his dark eyes glittering with something like fondness. Hitoshi’s heart thrummed with hope, and he found himself leaning forward, eyes widening as he hoarsely whispered, “You don’t?” 

“No. It’s a unique Quirk, but with the right training and support equipment, I think it could definitely be polished into a very heroic Quirk indeed.” 

Hitoshi smiled shakily, tears beading in his eyes. He’d never really idolized Eraserhead or anything, but… having a bonafide hero telling him that his Quirk wasn’t evil, that he could be a hero, sent joy singing through his body. He shook in the wooden chair, tears dripping from his eyes to roll down his cheeks. They dropped down to a puddle on the library table, and for a second, Hitoshi felt a little embarrassed for crying. Eraserhead’s expression never changed, though. He just continued to smile softly, reassuringly. 

“I appreciate that,” Hitoshi said, gathering himself with a sharp inhale, “but it doesn’t matter. I’m in the General Studies Course. I can’t take the hero licensing exam, at least not now.” 

“That’s true,” Eraserhead said, leaning back in the chair and drumming his fingers on the table. “However, if you were to switch courses, you’d have all the avenues open to you.” 

“Is that possible?” Hitoshi gasped, practically jumping across the table in excitement; his belly dug into the edge of the table and his hands slapped down, scattering the tears that had puddled on its surface. 

“It’s uncommon, but that’s why we allow all the courses to participate in the school festival. Accepting forty students to the Hero Course per year forces us to exclude students with a lot of potential… The school festival gives such students a second chance,” Eraserhead explained. “As much as we like to keep the classes balanced, there have been instances where we invited students into the Hero Course in their second or third years.” 

It was then that Eraserhead smirked, and the look in his eyes made adrenaline surge through Hitoshi’s body. Did this mean…? 

“I was impressed by your performance in the school festival. It’s no small feat to fight your way to the one-on-one battles, and you put up an impressive fight against Izuku Midoriya, who’s no slouch, especially in the combat department. As such, I’ve approached the administration about possibly transferring you to the Hero Course next year,” the teacher revealed. “It’s been approved.”

Hitoshi’s breath left him in a long, shaky exhale, deflating him like a balloon. He flopped back against the chair, body shaking and making the wood rattle against the floor. He clenched and unclenched his fingers in the fabric of his uniform pants, scratching into the skin of his thighs. The dull pain bled through the shock, but he didn’t wake. This wasn’t a dream. Eraserhead really just told him that he would be going to the Hero Course. 

“I…” Hitoshi started, but there really were no words for the sheer elation and triumph he was feeling. His lavender lashes fluttered, causing more tears to drip down onto his cheeks. “I don’t… I’m…” He blushed in embarrassment, hiding his face with his hands and rubbing at his teary eyes with the heels of his palms. “Sorry…” 

“Don’t be,” Eraserhead chuckled in amusement. “I can only imagine how gratifying it is.” 

He allowed Hitoshi to gather his thoughts for a moment; the boy closed his eyes, taking very deep breaths to squash down the overwhelming happiness. He still couldn’t keep the giddy smile from playing over his lips. 

“Now, don’t think that you can just waltz right in,” Eraserhead warned when Hitoshi finally looked back to him. “Your peers will be leagues ahead of you as far as combat ability and tactical sense. For the rest of the semester, you’ll be training directly under me to hone your skills.” 

When Hitoshi raised his eyebrows in shock, the hero’s smirk widened. 

“We thought this would be best given the versatility of your Quirk as well as… personality attributes.” Now that Hitoshi thought about it, he did vibe well with Eraserhead. They even kind of looked alike, with the messy hair, sleepy gaze, and perpetually bored look. Ugh, does that mean in twenty years I’ll be shirking my work to lounge in a sleeping bag and living on coffee and baby’s applesauce packets? I’m not sure I like this. As he internally berated the teacher, Eraserhead picked up on his attention lapse and rapped his knuckles against the table. 

“Following your training, we will hold a joint training activity between Class 1-A and 1-B, in which you’ll participate. This will see which class you build the most rapport with and how easily you can integrate into their rhythm, which will determine which class we place you into next year.” Shinso scowled at that; he didn’t exactly want to make friends, but cooperation was a necessity in hero work, so it supposed it couldn’t be helped. 

“Does all of that make sense to you?” Eraserhead asked, and Hitoshi nodded. 

“Yes. I’m incredibly grateful, Eraserhead… You really stuck your neck out for me,” the purple-haired boy smiled gratefully. The pro hero turned a little pink and shyly rubbed the back of his neck, looking down into his coffee cup with a faint smile. 

“Like I said… I’ve been where you’ve been, and I thought you had potential. It made sense to advocate on your behalf after watching you in the festival. Besides, it didn’t take much convincing. It isn’t often that a General Studies student makes it so far against the Hero Course students,” he said, a hint of pride bleeding into his voice. His expression then hardened. “We’ll start tomorrow afternoon. It’ll be hard, so be ready.” 

“Of course. I’m no slouch either,” Hitoshi smirked, echoing his previous praise of Izuku. Eraserhead smirked, tapping the table twice before standing. He sipped at his coffee, then grimaced. 

“I need more espresso if I’m going to make it through the afternoon,” he grumbled as he sauntered away. Hitoshi chuckled, shaking his head. Eraserhead’s blood was probably coffee at this point. 

Hitoshi sat there for a moment, basking in the gift he’d just been given. He would be joining the Hero Course. He was going to be a hero. That giddy smile stayed on his lips, making his facial muscles burn a little, but he was too euphoric to really make note of it. He was going to be a hero! 

His gaze dropped to the biology textbook still resting at the other end of the table. His smile took a wan turn as he reached out, dragging it across the wood toward him. It’s true he would join the Hero Course eventually, but he supposed he needed to pass the classes he was in now, “teenage angst” and all. It was a drag, but it was a bit more tolerable knowing that better pastures were just around the bend…

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

[nosybookworm]

Ninja Academy vs Hero School Rant

Naruto was my jam back in the day. I stayed up late to watch the new episodes, bought the dvd box sets and manga volumes, collected toys and cards just to stare at adoringly, even pretended to be sick so that I could stay home and watch a Naruto marathon. Point is, I LOVED Naruto.

I was invested in the characters. My heart ached for every single character that gave me a backstory. I ugly cried on more than ten occasions.

The action and moral dilemmas sucked me in and spit me out, made me the person I am today thinking critically about the stuff I love because wow that universe is in no way safe or sane for the people living in it lol.

The villains absolutely TERRIFIED me DESPITE STILL WANTING TO SEE MORE OF THEM, Orochimaru alone had me sleeping with the lights on and ripping the arms off his action figure just to be safe.

When I started watching My Hero Academia those old happy feelings started slapping me in the face drawing me in. MHA hits a lot of the same points that Naruto had and I didn’t really notice until the end of season 3 because those points weren’t as in-your-face or emotionally impactful as it was in Naruto I guess. Not to say it didn’t have an impact! Just that it rolled off me a lot easier which might just be a me problem.

I Mean:

The main character getting bullied/excluded because of something he can’t control. 

Underdog character then meeting or making an emotional connection with a mentor figure truly feeling “acceptance” for maybe the first time and taking that all important first step toward their life long dream. 

A teacher willing to sacrifice himself to protect the students. 

A school training teens to protect/serve. 

Rivalry that may or may not be actual friendship.

Students fighting against each other to “rank up” by showing how capable they are to their superiors.

Enemies invading to terrorize the kids and escaping to terrorize another day.

Traumatic family backstories that child will now attempt to seek justice through own power.

Previous underdog character actually having a secret power that no one knows about but a select few and that he has to train to learn how to use, but it makes him a powerhouse that is always surprising the enemy and inspiring his fellows.

Sure all that can be tied to any story when generalized like this, but the way MHA presents them is pretty similar to Naruto.

(Okay, ALL OF THIS is going to be my personal opinion. Things I want to say to get out of my system so that I can move on. It’s long too. So, now that you’ve been warned continue on.)

The more I got into it the stranger it felt because despite hitting those same points I loved they hit in a different way that....well... made me a little uncomfortable to sit through.

Like Aizawa

Very clearly the Kakashi in MHA. He’s sly hardly ever telling his students the truth but has incredibly high expectations of them, has been known to expel students left and right until his most recent batch of kids, is ready and willing to throw himself in harms way for them, and surprisingly competent despite his exhausted persona/personality. However the way these two teachers act get two very different results from me. Naruto got a chance to introduce Kakashi in a way that endeared him to me, the bell test was more than just showcasing the kids current abilities it was introducing Kakashi (the Jounin that is a kind of jack of all trades, the known perv that will publicly read porn, the guy that will happily mess with a bunch of kids to “teach them a lesson” and because its funny, the guy that requires the students under his care to care about each other because caring for his team matters to him more than any mission, that guy). MHA gave the quirk test. Aizawa mostly in the background taking notes and jotting down scores after his speech about expelling whoever comes last. We didn’t get to hear Aizawa’s thoughts until the very end when Izuku surprised him. 

I didn’t really feel any connection toward Aizawa until I stumbled across fanfics that wrote him more involved with the students and I think that’s the problem. Aizawa is dedicated to his student’s education, he believes they will all be amazing heroes one day, but he hardly ever interacts with them. He can be seen watching their training from afar, sleeping in a corner as another teacher takes over for a bit, protecting them from danger or fighting along side them, and proudly declaring that Bakugo would never turn villain but all of that means very little emotionally when I can’t see him making connections with these students to make this standoffish confidence understandable. He comes off as one of those super smart teachers that have undecipherable lessons because he has no idea how to connect with his students enough to explain in way they understand. Similarly, he like jots down that he’s taking note of Bakugo and might need to step in before he goes down the wrong path but then does nothing and confidently tells the press Bakugo would never be a villain.

Kakashi was pretty standoffish too, no denying that, and the little episodes when the kids conspire to try to see him without his mask are the kind of outside interactions that would be weird for a modern teacher-student relationship like in MHA, so I get why Aizawa doesn’t really have that with any of the kids. However, Kakashi saw the path Sasuke was going down and spent time with him and confronted him about it (it did nothing to stop him but he tried). He took time to find a teacher for Naruto. He was present and awake for just about every milestone in there education with him. He told them when he was proud of them not other people. He involved himself in some of their high jinks to measure their growth and as such was able to have confidence in them when they went off on their own.

The Villains

And My Hero Academia villains, namely All For One. 

I felt nothing when he showed up. I was all caught up in All Might and his passing of the torch. The guy without eyes didn’t feel threatening, didn’t feel like the big bad he was suppose to be. The League of Villains really didn’t feel like “serious enemies” either cause I actually really enjoyed them when they were on screen for their dynamics with each other. Similar to how I liked the Akatsuki in their more light-hearted scenes when they where super strong idiots banded together by sheer force of will and explosive personalities that refuse to leave a job half finished. With the League I would be just as entertained (probably more so) if they were in a slice of life anime just being terrible people together.

I get the feeling All For One was supposed to be MHA’s Orochimaru. (And I say this despite knowing Orochimaru’s introduction is probably a lot closer to Stain what with the confrontation and all, but his whole “the world is corrupt, I will cut out the wrong and remake it into the pure world it should have always been” aligned more with Pain especially with his quick turnabout saving Izuku.) 

Orochimaru always felt in control even when he was in hiding or on the run, he felt like he had more up his sleeve which is the only thing I got from All For One when he was imprisoned. Both Orochimaru and All For One showed up out of nowhere, very obviously in a class of their own that the teenage main characters had no hope of beating, and a mysterious backstory that clearly put all the adults in the know on edge. But I just don’t see All For One as a villain. Nothing about him screamed “Run for your lives this man will smile as he tears you apart!” like Orochimaru. Nothing about All For One’s secret Mad Scientist lab gave me creepy vibes that left me on the edge of my seat clutching at the nearest pillow the way the Sound Village that practically worshiped Orochimaru and the many base of operations he had did.

Terrible Parents

The Todoroki family. 

...

Look. The world of Naruto has terrible parenting, but they also live in a dictator/military run nation where kids can be a front-line defense or key players in a war zone so it’s hard to measure how to view these people. Cause a father that beats his kid and yells at him to get stronger has genuine reasons to rightfully freak out when children as young as 8 get sent to ninja academy. Families that have a rare genetic trait like the Hyuga or Uchiha have every right to be tough and stern if they feel that will protect their kids when they know putting them out into the world makes them an easier target for enemies that would rip out their eyes. 

I can judge their actions based on their consequences. Like the Uchiha clan planning a revolt forcing their eldest to massacre them to keep the peace and their youngest to live with a crazy amount of trauma. Like the Hyuga clan branding their branch members to protect family eyes, but forcing them into being lesser than the main branch and all the trauma that forced on Neji’s poor head. The stupid level of expectation set on Hinata’s young shoulders that she couldn’t meet in the way her clan wanted that made her self-confidence practically non existent. The Hokage leaving Naruto mostly alone for his entire childhood in a village that openly hated him. The Kazekage trying to have his lonely three-year-old assassinated multiple times once by his beloved uncle - the only person that was kind and loved him - that scarred him so entirely that he carved “love” into his forehead and rampaged around the village and did casual murder intentionally for years before meeting Naruto. 

All that... I can get behind as abuse. I want those sad kids to be happy. They deserved better and I will happily lose myself in a fix-it fic where they get that.

MHA gives me similar scenarios but without the clear-cut consequences that shows when parenting for that world is abuse. 

Endeavor is not a good husband. He is emotionally abusive to his wife to the point she has a mental break and attacks a child. 

However, in a world of heroes, in a world where high school students are trained to protect and serve and that self sacrifice is a noble heroic trait. How do I compare such a society to my own? They put children in harms way with hero internships yet don’t allow them to defend themselves if they don’t have a hero license, that would be like getting a learners permit but not being allowed to practice driving.

All this to say I have a hard time telling when bad parenting falls into abuse when it comes to MHA. Endeavor is not a good parent, he is an abusive husband, but is he an abusive parent? As a hero training up the next generation of heroes can it be argued that he is pretty okay even if his methods are a little harsh? None of his children fear him from what I’ve seen. Shouto happily tells him his plans to never use his fire and all the reasons why without fearing he might be punished for it. The other kids seem to be pretty okay going on with their lives. Toya being the exception but again I don’t know what happened to him and he’s a follower of Stain so did he have a falling out with heroes or did his father push too hard?

Nighteye & Tsunade

Okay so this is where I get super rant-y. I have feelings on Nighteye and none of them good.

Nighteye being the estranged comrade of All Might the underdog’s teacher, Tsunade being the estranged comrade of Jiraiya Naruto’s teacher.

Tsunade has been hurt deeply. She ran because she felt that was the only way to save herself from more pain. Here comes Jiraiya with his new little tag along demanding she come back home, she gets appropriately angry and tries everything she can to get them to leave her alone. Naruto being the special little underdog that he is immediately gets under her skin reminding her of all the loved ones she lost bringing back all of that old pain back, so she gets even. She beats him down and challenges him to an impossible challenge to show him how small he really is and get out of her own responsibilities. But he wins. He wins, and shows Tsunade how closed off she’s become forcing her to face reality head on and face her fears at last. He changes her whole world view through action.

Nighteye has been hurt deeply. He sees the future for every person he touches and as such sees futures in which people he loves get hurt and sometimes die. He believes there is nothing he or anyone can do to change these visions. All Might is his hero, His friend and mentor, his comrade. His friend gets hurt in a way he can never fully recover from and he sees a vision where his friend dies on the battle field. He then tells All Might who refuses to retire and leaves without a backward glance. They don’t speak until years later when Nighteye picks out a successor for One For All, but Toshi chooses Izuku and never meets Nighteye’s pick.

Izuku, needing an internship not Gran Torino, goes to Sir Nighteye All Might’s old side kick. He gets tested, told he’s not worthy of One For All, and has to work under this man as he tries to get Izuku to see how Mirio is more worthy of All Might’s quirk. Facing off against Overhaul when they are at their most desperate Nighteye uses his quirk to see what will happen and sees the worst possible scenario. They lose. Then Izuku flies in sweeps Eri into his arms and fights Overhaul saving the day. Izuku proved, unknowingly, that the future Nighteye sees is not set in stone with his actions and on his death bed Nighteye acknowledges that without acknowledging it.

Nighteye’s treatment toward Izuku makes me uncomfortable. This is a man in a position of power over this student telling him that he is not enough, will never be enough, and that he is a disappointment.

His glorifying of All Might makes me uncomfortable. He was All Might’s partner and yet he practically had a shrine of the man in his office. He made him more than just a man, built him up as The Symbol of Peace and kept him there (as many of Toshi’s friends seem to do except for Nedzu and Naomasa) despite getting close enough trusted enough to learn about One For All. And despite all that “love” and “devotion” he left Toshinori alone to deal with his new normal of a permanently damaged system alone for years then takes out all that frustration and grief out on his friends chosen successor.

Then when all is said and done and he’s dying and he’s confronted by Toshinori and Izuku what happens? Does he apologize? Explain his actions? Get closure in his final moments?

No. Well, Toshinori got some measure of closure. Izuku got a few words that essentially boiled down to “Good job, your better than I thought.” without talking about the newfound hope Izuku’s action gave him that his visions are only possibilities not absolute. All of his attention then goes to his choice for One For All, Mirio. 

Understandably. 

He’s dying and Mirio was always his main priority as a mentor, and you know who Mirio looks like? All Might. He’s blonde, buff, blue-eyed, cheerfully friendly, and with a happy-go-lucky persona about him. Sir Nighteye taught him to smile. Chose him to be the new wielder of One For All and without telling him anything planned to introduce him to Toshinori to make his choice reality. Doesn’t that sound... I don’t know... uncomfortably close to manipulation? Grooming? To taking this child under his wing and molding him to be pretty close to a new version of All Might?

I don’t know. Maybe if Sir Nighteye had lived this uncomfortable impression I have of him would be lessened as he began to internalize the full extent of possibilities for the future that he never thought possible before and acted more hopeful, more willing to take gambles because his visions were no longer a guarantee of what will happen. 

[irwinkitten]

feisty | a.i | part two

notes: so this was deff requested after i posted feisty about 8 months ago lmao i got sent an anon who literally astounded me with their idea and so working off that, part two started to get created and honestly i love it so much. however, as i posted the other day, it reached 16k and i was like “this isn’t even halfway done i need to stop and reevaluate this” so i’ve decided it’s gonna be three parts with part three already started.  request: Hi I was thinking ab Feisty (I’m the one who requested a pt 2) but like I was really thinking about it and I absolutely adore the way Cassie was written. She’s strong, she’s powerful, and she knows what she wants. She never turned her back on the idea of a pack and being part of one even tho she’s human. I was wondering if maybe you could incorporate the idea of her having a wolf, but that wolf is locked inside of her, but it slowly makes it way out in different ways. Like the idea she’s a 1/?  Like one day she’s getting extremely riled up and all of a sudden only her eyes shift and everyone around her is like “um the FUCK Luna???” And no one knows how she was able to do that but then maybe she finds some sort of ancient script ab humans among werewolves and they’re actually extremely powerful and something to be feared bc they’re sent to guide the pack and all of a sudden it makes sense bc Roxanne and Trixie are both extremely smart and intelligent and the other humans within 2/? The pack that have come around during her time also have the same intelligence and wisdom that the wolves tend to overlook and it look Cassie for the packs to understand and appreciate their power and it’s like up to her to continue to push forward and make sure that all packs respect the humans as if they were a wolf themselves but inside the humans is a wolf more powerful that they’re in tune with which is why they are able to lead the pack and point out the flaws in plans and makes them so 3/? Valuable to the packs in different forms and she’s out here being bad fucking ass and she won’t take no for an answer and she just has all this power and she knows she might just be a human in many of the wolves eyes forever but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t go down trying to change that bc no one, I repeat no one, should disrespect her or the others like her bc they are not less than the wolves and idk that might not be the way you were thinking of taking it but it’s just what I imagine 4/? Bc I think it would be really cool to see the other wolves reactions to her having some sort of power within her that’s untapped, along w the other humans and the backlash and rebellion that could ensue. Like how are these ~humans~ so powerful they’re just that, filthy, disgusting humans and I think that would be a really cool spin on it but that’s just me lol. Tbh it’s time to go reread feisty again and just revel in how well written Cassie is and how much I am DYING for a part 2 5/5 ALSO sorry I was just thinking that you could make Roxanne’s mate someone powerful as well, showing that even those who are tortured are destined for greatness warnings: mentions of murder, death, word count: 14.2k lmao am i ever gonna write a small one shot that’s an oc? probably not.

part one

donate to my ko-fi here 

-

The low alarm that keened throughout the small town of werewolves, it was one of both comfort and panic. The panic was of those who had been living on the edge, scared to step from the packs boarders without a warrior or two within distance or sight. 

The comfort resided within the Alpha and Luna, both who had planned and expected this to happen. 

There was a traitor.

The pair peeled themselves away from the bed, both fully focused on the fact that what they had seen, what had been pointed out to them had come to fruition.

“Luna?” A soft voice came from one of the rooms below theirs as they reached the next floor below, both dressed in similar attire, yet the Alpha’s attire was less restrictive than the Luna’s.

“You were right Trixie.” The soft tone of reassurance did nothing to stop the teenagers lip from wobbling. 

“So many are going to be hurt.” She whispered dejectedly as the Luna opened her arms out to the young girl. She stepped forwards into the embrace.

“Come, the elders will insist you are awake.” 

Nothing was spoken as the young woman and her charge continued further down, heading into the office that was located on the ground floor.

“Luna Cassidy, it’s about time.” The scathing tone of the Elder of Vinewood Pack reached her, Cassidy Irwin drew herself to her full height, meeting the Elder with a hard glare.

“Trixie Teller is the one who foresaw this. Need I remind you that she is but a child in all of this? They may be rogues but they are waging war, Elder Greydown. The knowledge of such a thing being right is distressing for any wolf, let alone a human teenager.” She snapped in return. The Elder scowled but did not refute her argument.

“Elder Greydown, I do not want to remind you, yet again to respect my Luna.” Cassidy watched as the Elder bowed to her mate.

“My apologies, Alpha Ashton.” Cassidy ignored the slight against her and bundled the trembling teenager into the spot between herself and her mate. Ashton did not hesitate to let his arm wrap around the teenagers shoulders, and she leaned gratefully into her Alpha’s comfort.

“Beta Hemmings has made contact with the warriors on patrol. They know not to engage, and survey the attempted attack.”

“Who knew of the council meeting?” Another Elder spoke up. It took a second before Cassidy realised it was Elder Maybanks.

“None outside this circle were told. Not even young Trixie knew of this.” Eyes fell on the form of the still shaking human teenager whose eyes were heavy and her body exhausted.

The silence of the alarm was deafening and the howl that followed in its wake was pain filled.

“They found the traitor.” Trixie whispered. Cassidy wanted to shield her from the pain, the dull reminder of her loss of Talon still serving her as a constant reminder of the failure that haunted her dreams.

“Should the human even be here?” Elder Greydown spoke, his tone condescending.

“You are coming very close to insulting someone under my protection, Elder Greydown.” Cassidy snapped. She received a scoff in return and Elder Maybanks exploded.

“You teach our pups to be tolerant, yet you cannot be tolerant of the two humans who have served our pack faithfully! It begs the question, what kind of tolerance are you filling the pups heads with in the first place?” 

Ashton held back the growl of frustration. He knew the Elder’s struggling attitude with the changes that Vinewood Pack had undergone. 

“Now is not the time.” Cassidy spoke, her tone stern and unrelenting. Elder Greydown huffed, but did not argue with her. She shared a look with Ashton and Elder Maybanks. They knew that they would be asking Greydown to step down before the week was out.

A sharp hiss escaped from Trixie before it turned into a whimper. 

“He’s hurt. Abel is hurt.” She got out as Cassidy held her face, forcing the teenager to look at her.

“You are here and safe. Alpha Irwin is tracking each of the warriors.” She knew better than to make the promise that he would return safely.

“His brothers are with him. He’ll be healed before he gets home.” Ashton reassured the teenager who gave into the tears. Cassidy understood. She allowed the teenager to cling to her in comfort as Ashton moved to his desk, tapping away at the laptop.

“Rosewood has confirmed that it’s Leo.” Ashton muttered and she sighed as Trixie finally relaxed against her. She carefully lay her down on the couch, tucking the blanket around her.

“How bad?” Cassidy finally asked once the teenagers breathing evened out.

“Sixteen wolves were injured. Two are serious, but the pack doctor with them has reassured me that they’ll be okay eventually.” Ashton murmured and his gaze returned to the two Elders in the room.

“We will require you at the offices by noon.” Both of them bowed to Ashton. Elder Maybanks bowed to Cassidy, Elder Greydown did not.

“If he wasn’t an Elder, I’d have Calum break his neck.” She muttered darkly once Ashton nodded that the two Elders had indeed returned home.

“He’s going to be retired from his position. Are your new teachers ready to take over the position?” She sighed.

“I think so. But there’s still some animosity between Roxanne and Gwen.” Ashton sighed.

“Gwen believes that Roxanne is the reason for her Aunt and Uncles’ demise and her cousins restriction, doesn’t she?” Cassidy nodded.

“Gwen is still openly hostile with her, and as much as I have tried to ingrain that Roxanne was the victim, she will see nothing of it. Personally, I’m close to pulling Gwen off the course and moving her to something that isn’t so potentially volatile.” Ashton nodded at his mates words, allowing her to talk freely.

Ever since they had returned so many years ago from his first visit to her old pack, she’d planned with various teachers about teaching the pups to practice tolerance and acceptance of humans within the pack. It became more so when more humans had been born.

Only a handful, but Ashton could see that each of them were gifted. Born years apart, the youngest only being just shy of a year old, and the oldest at the age of six already, Ashton knew that changes needed to be made and fast. 

The human girl they had rescued so long ago, Roxanne Teller, had been a significant trigger for the changes. Cassidy was determined that no child should suffer the fate that she had suffered.

Just shy of her twenty first birthday, Roxanne had been determined to do her adoptive parents proud. And she had excelled with Cassidy as her mentor.

Her younger sister, Trixie, was in a league of her own. Freshly turned fifteen year old was an extrodinaire with technology. Ashton had been the one to encourage that. But when she had turned thirteen, she’d been gifted with prophetic visions.

The Moon Goddess, Selene had appeared to both Trixie, and the Irwins, to explain the prophetic nature of the teenagers dreams.

They were dreams that could not be altered by choices or decisions. They were outcomes that the fates had decided themselves. Cassidy, was rightfully angry with her Goddess for placing such a burden onto the shoulders of someone so young.

“They will be prophecies of the years you will experience and the years you will never see. They are to guide my children into the rightful acceptance that you have started.” 

Cassidy knew she could not remain angry with the fates if they had deemed Trixie their host to record prophecies for years to come. 

Many had complained of Ashton taking both girls under his wing, but at the Alpha’s conference, both Ashton and her previous Alpha, Isaac Lockard told them of the successes that Cassidy had. 

That was the day the first laws began to change. Abuse of a human born or mated into a pack would be met with penalties and jail time. Anything that could be seen as an attempted murder will be met with either exile or execution.

Alpha’s grumbled about that until Cassidy stood up on the podium, her eyes sharp as she snatched a dagger from one of the security wolves belts and sliced her hand open like she did to her own pack.

Alpha’s watched in fascinated horror as her blood trailed down her hand, dripping onto the stage. 

She’d forcefully pointed out that any attack on a human could be considered attempted murder because there was no accelerated healing. 

The High Council has been quick to distinguish parameters of what was considered abuse and what was considered an attack.

It wasn’t a lot, but it had been a start for Cassidy.

===

Both were used to sleepless nights, and this one was no different. Ashton had his werewolf stamina to keep him going, Cassidy relied on caffeine to keep her afloat.

When Trixie stirred, she jolted awake in shock, a short gasp of hair escaping as black curls seemed to fly everywhere, wild eyes searching the room.

“It happened.” It wasn’t a question but Ashton nodded anyway.

“We had some injuries, but they’ll make a recovery. We found the traitor.” 

The tone in Ashton’s voice had dropped from reassuring to deadly in seconds, and Trixie couldn’t help herself as she shuddered. Part of her was grateful to her Luna that she demanded Trixie be kept away from any kind of interrogation. 

She didn’t want to be on the end of Alpha Ashton’s tone.

The shrill ring of the phone made the teenager jump in fright and Cassidy smiled as Ashton answered the phone.

“Morning Isaac.” 

Something was spoken for a second as Ashton placed the phone handle face down before hitting the speakerphone button.

“You’re on speaker now, Isaac. Trixie is with us.” 

The other Alpha did not need to be told the warning in Ashton’s tone. Keep it teenager friendly.

“Leo was injured last night. Hope nailed him good, however he was rescued by a wolf waiting on standby. It looks like there are a few traitors from packs within their cause.” Cassidy sighed.

“We managed to catch ours, or at least the only one we hope we have. What about your side?” Cassidy finally asked.

“Dead.” Came the blunt response and Trixie gasped.

“Isaac.” Cassidy snapped back as she took a hold of Trixie’s hands. “There was nothing you could do for them, sweet girl.”

“My apologies Miss Teller. Unfortunately, there would’ve been no saving this wolf. The rogues had clawed into their very minds and warped their entire views.” Trixie finally nodded before a blush crept up her skin. 

“It’s forgiven, Alpha Isaac.” She finally got out and Ashton smiled at her reassuringly. “If I can be excused? I know that Rox wanted to meet for breakfast and she’ll crucify me if I’m late.” Ashton nodded.

The excuse was weak, but she was still too young in Ashton’s eyes.

Once the door had closed, Cassidy moved herself to Ashton’s lap, his arms winding around her waist.

“Who was it, Isaac?” 

“Gregory Sampson.” Cassidy closed her eyes at that, her heart sinking at the fact the sweet boy she knew had turned traitor. 

“Who discovered him?” She felt Ashton’s hand on her hip, his thumb rubbing slow circles into her skin. 

“Kallie Tyson.” Came the amused response and Cassidy snorted. 

“What tipped her off?” 

“She was there the day Leo was exiled. Apparently he hadn’t bothered to dampen his scent and she smelled him all over Sampson. She’s been wary of a lot of wolves after the whole debacle years ago. When she realised the scent, she went to patrol and alerted them.” Isaac explained and she sighed. 

“Was Sampson executed immediately?” Ashton’s tone was a lot more calmer than the harsh tones he’d spoken earlier. 

“No. We got him for all the information that he was worth. I know that another two packs caught traitors, not including yours. Cassidy I’d say collate with the other strategists. Get the information any way possible and work through it.” A low sigh escaped her lips and Isaac paused. “Cassie?” 

She tried not to groan, she knew that when her old Alpha called her Cassie, it was his way of checking in with her as her surrogate family member and not her old Alpha. 

Before she could speak up, Ashton cut her off, giving her an apologetic glance. 

“Elder Greydown has been testing her patience. He’s been the one who has been teaching other pack Elders for tolerance with humans. However he borderline disrespects Cass in front of other Elders and pack members.”

Cassidy found she couldn’t be angry with Ashton as she laid her head on his shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek to convey that she wasn’t mad at him. 

Isaac growled audibly. 

“I’m assuming that his position is about to become open to other Elders?” 

“Yes and no.” Cassidy answered calmly. “I’ve been training pack members to take over that role. However there’s been animosity between the two of them so I may ask for an outside Elder to come in and learn but then teach other packs.” 

“I’ll speak with Elder Orion. You know he forever asks after you.” Cassidy grinned. 

“That’s because I’m respectful to my elders, old timer.” She teased and Isaac barked out a laugh. 

“Alright trouble. Get in touch when you want to plan with the strategists. I’ll spread the word to the other packs.” 

“Appreciated Isaac.” Ashton muttered before the line went dead and Cassidy sighed. 

“How long do we have until we need to be at the offices?” This earned a tired groan from Ashton. 

“I don’t want to have to deal with Greydown’s disrespect. I’m hoping that the other Elders being there will reign him in but I’m not going to hold my breath. We need to start moving now if we want to get there on time.” 

Cassidy moves from her mates arms, but not before giving him a gentle kiss. He smiled in return before pushing himself up and the two headed to get changed from the black outfits they’d worn in preparation. 

Part of Cassidy was raging. Angry that rogues would make this attempt. Another part of her was filled with sorrow, knowing full well that there would be packs that would collapse from that kind of onslaught. 

By the time the two had reached the offices, her mind was whirling. She greeted the Elders that were gathered, unsurprised at the lack of respect from Greydown. 

It hit her. 

She kept her body relaxed, refusing to give away her realisation. She knew that the moment he was discovered, it would either cause more problems or give them their solutions. 

Taking Ashton’s hand in hers was always normal. Absentmindedly, she began to trace letters into his palm, making out soft patterns at each space so the game wouldn’t be given away. 

The Elders knew she was very touchy with her mate for good reason. They eventually got used to their Luna’s quirks, barely concealed amusement on their lips at the resigned look on their Alpha’s face when she threw herself into the architectural planning of new homes. 

Ashton understood her message, immediately switching to plan B. They’d concocted this plan when lay together, her mind frazzled with worry of a traitor being someone so close to them they’d never suspect it. 

“Greydown.” 

“Yes Alpha?”

“Tell me Greydown, why do you respect me but not my mate? And if you utter a word about her humanity, I’m sure she will take gleeful pleasure in throwing you from the window.” Ashton’s casual comment was met with a look of fear. 

He pinned the older man down with a dead stare, the mirth gone from his face. 

“She doesn’t know how to run a pack. And as your Luna, she still falls under your command yet flounces it regardless.” Both Irwins could see the hesitation. His words were just another dig at her humanity without outright saying the words. 

“Tell me Elder Greydown, I have ever disrespected your authority?” Cassidy started. Ashton leaned back with a smirk. 

“No, Luna.” 

“Have I ever been found lacking with my leadership, especially when I was appointed the Head of the strategists?” His smirk grew wider. Greydown became slightly flustered, his cheeks dark as he avoided looking at her. 

“No Luna.” 

“Look at me.” Her voice rang with the authority she held as the Alpha’s mate and Greydown’s head snapped up, staring at her in shock and awe. 

“Why do you believe that my humanity is a problem then? Everyone knows a wolf's mate is their ultimate weakness. Why is my humanity a deciding factor in that too? Or do you just hate humans on principle?” Greydown kept his lips pressed shut. “Answer me, Elder Greydown.” Her voice rang with the authority once more and he found himself unable to keep his mouth closed much longer. 

“They’re a disease that needs to be taken under control. We’ve had six runts born since you arrived and clearly it’s knowledge of a disease to spread to packs, to ruin the hierarchy.” 

Ashton’s smirk had fallen from his lips, standing from his chair as he stalked forward, closing the distance between the two. 

Cassidy didn’t even try to stop her mate. She’d learned fast he was a possessive mate at the best of times but anyone disrespecting her? 

She could only hope for Greydown that Ashton was in a kind mood. 

“Watch how you speak about my mate, Greydown.” The growl was low, a warning. 

Greydown scoffed in return. 

“I will speak of the human how I want. She wants to believe she’s Luna so badly.” 

The room froze at the Elders words, Ashton glancing back to his mate who had closed her eyes in rage and frustration. 

She paid no mind to the others as she rose from her seat, her eyes snapping open and glaring at Elder Greydown. She didn’t miss how his eyes widened and his cheeks drained of their colour. 

“You have no right to speak to me like that. Let alone the other humans in this pack who will outsmart you six ways to Sunday. You’re relieved of your duties of teaching tolerance. Tell me, would Leo Lockard treat this failure with the retribution he tried to give to me?” 

The shock turned to horror. He attempted to move but found himself being pinned down. 

“Sit still.” Cassidy snapped, her anger flooding dangerously. Greydown froze and didn’t move. 

“Get him out of here.” Ashton snapped to the two guards that had restrained Greydown. His attention turned to Cassidy. 

“Love, you need to calm down.”

“Why?” Ashton didn’t respond to her, merely pulling her to the mirror that sat in the office. 

She stared at herself in shock, fingers reaching up to touch her skin, her eyes focused on the amber coloured eyes that stared back in shock. 

Her gaze met Ashton’s as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“We can ask around other Elders. They’ll have something we can work on, with what’s going on.” Cassidy found her voice lost as she looked back to the mirror, watching as the amber coloured eyes faded, leaving her bright green eyes confused and tired.

===

It’d been days since Greydown had been exposed as a traitor to the pack. Ashton had kept the techniques used quiet, but he relayed all the information that Greydown had given them. 

Part of Cassidy was screaming at her, telling her that something was off with the information.

“Ashton, I’m not saying that I don’t believe you-” The gentle smile from her mate as he cut her off relaxed her tense shoulders.

“-but it feels like something is wrong. I know sweetheart. But we’ve tried every tactic.” Ashton climbed into bed with her, her body automatically pressing against his as they fell into their positions easily. 

Sometimes Cassidy marvelled at the bond. Their first year together was almost purely physical, like they were trying to reconnect their souls. And she’d guessed that in a sense they were. But the smallest thing would set Ashton off, and vice versa. 

They learned what buttons could be pressed and what they needed to avoid. And after the first year, it calmed down so fast part of her wondered if it had just been a bizarre yet realistic dream. 

When it had come to nights, they could share the night easily, no hastily ripped off clothes or pushing their delights into the early hours of the morning. Some days Cassidy just enjoyed being held by her mate, and others she enjoyed the way he ravished her until the early break of dawn. 

Tonight was a night where she was content to lay in his arms, fingers trailing up and down her skin.

“Would you be willing to let me try?” Her question made him tense, but she was surprised he didn’t outright reject the idea immediately. This caused her to turn her head towards her mate who was wearing a contemplative look on his face.

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea. He wouldn’t expect you.” 

“And we can see if what happened the other day happens again. It looked like he couldn’t even fight my orders, although he must’ve tried.” Cassidy’s tone was convincing, hardly daring to believe that her mate was even considering this. 

“It’s one way of looking at it. But also, if he’s the only traitor to the pack, he’s the only one that knows about your eyes and the slight change. It means we have an avenue to look into that people may underestimate you for.” She could see that his mind was disappearing down various ideas. So she reached up and kissed him softly.

“We’ll keep considering my handsome mate. But both of us need rest, especially if I get to do this tomorrow.” The tease was delicate but Ashton could only grin. 

“As you wish, my love.” 

The following morning, Trixie was waiting for the couple at the breakfast bar. The majority of wolves that lived in the main pack house had either gone to school or work, or they’d be returning home from their shifts in the next few hours.

“Alpha.” Ashton took in Trixie’s exhausted state, her hands trembling but the determination set on her face intrigued him.

“Yes Miss Teller?” 

She’s following formalities, Cassidy mused as she remained at Ashton’s side.

“Selene came to me last night. She has instructed me to oversee the next three days.” Immediately Ashton tensed and Cassidy wondered if he was going to change his mind about her dealing with the traitor.

Then it dawned on her that the techniques he’d most probably used wouldn’t be good for a fifteen year old human to see.

“What were her exact words, Miss Teller?” Ashton’s response was calm, but Cassidy knew her mate better.

“Tell your Alpha that the next three days are crucial for you. A prophecy will be in play that you do not understand, but must follow through.” Ashton hummed as he took in her exhausted appearance.

“What happened in the dream, Trix?” Her body seemed to sag at the use of her name as tears flooded her face.

“It was Roxanne.” Dread filled Cassidy’s stomach.

“She was h-hurt so badly. But no one cared about her!” Ashton was quicker than Cassidy as he soothed the distressed teenager. “S-she was dying, in the middle of a road. They hurt her so much. Tied her to a kennel and left her in the wilderness.” Cassidy froze. 

“Sweetheart, what else happened?” 

“She was crying for our Luna, but they laughed. They-they-” She was sobbing into Ashton’s chest now, her words cut off from her sobbing but when the two mates shared a look, they knew exactly what she had seen.

Her nightmare had been a mixture of what had actually happened to her older sister with her own nightmare of Cassidy never answering the call she’d made as a child. Cassidy left her mate to comfort Trixie as she called Roxanne.

“Luna?” Her voice was groggy and tired.

After the prophetic dreams began, Rae Teller had requested that Trixie remain in the pack house, knowing that the urgency and frequency of these dreams would be too much for the teenager. It’d distressed both the sisters and parents when the move first happened and Trixie was struggling, feeling like her parents were rejecting her.

However Rae called her every night for a month and visited as often as her new job would allow. She’d rediscovered her talent in peacekeeping, and often went on envoys with her husband to attempt to settle various conflicts. 

Trixie then understood the need of her job and was the first to convince her parents to make the first trip when she was fourteen. Roxanne had already moved out of the pack house by that point but the sisters would meet for lunch before their respective school hours and work hours and almost always shared dinners together.

“You’re needed at the pack house today.” She responded softly.

“Is Trixie-”

“Your sister is fine. I’ll explain when you get here.” Cassidy cut her off calmly, knowing that she needed to be the voice of reason at this point.

Roxanne hated her past, she never opened up about it to anyone apart from the therapist that Ashton had convinced her to see not long before her eighteenth birthday. She’d resisted till she broke down in front of her Alpha. That was her turning point.

She’d never talked about the details to her parents, but they knew she’d been abused. However it had been some kind of unanimous agreement that Trixie would never learn of the horrors Roxanne suffered.

Their Goddess had taken the decision from their hands and shown her in her dreams in the worst way possible.

When Roxanne arrived, her hair dishevelled and clothes seemingly the first things she could pull on-sweatpants and a tank top-Cassidy intercepted her at the door.

“I need to tell you so it doesn’t shock you. Our Goddess came to Trixie last night.” Immediately Roxanne was wary, her dirty blonde hair falling in front of her eyes as she pulled it into a loose bun.

“Luna, what did she show her?” 

“There’s something that’s going to happen today, I’m going to see the traitor we caught,” Roxanne’s eyes widened, “she was told she needed to be with me as it happened. However, the Goddess emphasised her point by showing you.” 

“Me?”

“Specifically, what happened to you before I found you.” Cassidy watched as Roxanne took a step back, her face filled with shock followed by anger. Then resignment.

“It scared her, didn’t it?”

“She’s clinging to my mate sobbing her heart out, distressed because she saw you getting hurt. Apparently you called out for me and I never came.” That in itself was distressing for Cassidy, to turn her back on someone in need.

Roxanne didn’t hesitate to hug her Luna tightly.

“You came for me regardless. And you came for her too.” Cassidy felt slightly guilty, her own distress at the words eating her up. But Roxanne didn’t relent as she pulled away and looked towards the kitchen.

Cassidy needed no further encouragement as she led Roxanne to the kitchen to find that Ashton had sat on the bar stool, Trixie was sat cradled in his lap like a child. His voice was soothing, the sobbing having receded to gentle hiccups of noises as his fingers worked through her dishevelled jet black curls. 

All Cassidy could think at that moment was how good a father he would be when they were ready.

“Trix?” Roxanne’s voice was hesitant and Cassidy watched as the younger sister scrambled off Ashton’s lap, launching at her sister, the tears still streaming down her face.

“Alpha told me that it was real. Please, please tell me he’s lying.” Cassidy could feel the tears prick the corner of her eyes. Roxanne’s were falling down her cheek.

“Alpha wasn’t lying, baby. Before Luna saved me, those nasty people who had me, hurt me in the worst ways. But then Luna rescued me, and brought me to you, where momma was the first wolf to show an ounce of love towards me.” 

“R-rox.” the younger Teller’s voice trembled as she gasped her sisters name, but Roxanne shushed her, soothing her back curls with her hands as she pulled away to look her sister in the eyes.

“Then you came in, sat atop our Alpha’s shoulders and asked me to be your sister, that your warrior would protect us both and we’d have big brothers who are teddy bears.” Cassidy pressed her lips to stop the giggle at the description of Josh and Jacob. 

The twins had lived up to that description, both of them forming solid friendships with the girls as they got older. No other wolf dared to insult the girls, knowing that it would get back to the warriors and they’d be facing a pissed off Alpha.

“I was reborn that day because of you, Trixie. You, momma and pops gave me a new life that I wanted. Whatever our Goddess showed you was probably true, I was treated with cruelty and hatred. But I found love in abundance with you.” 

It wasn’t much longer till Trixie had calmed down enough to let her sister go, only to return to her Alpha and accept the hug that he offered her.

“I’m assuming our Goddess showed you that to show what could most likely happen. She’s done it before so we’ll follow her guidance for now. But any signal that you want out, just show and we’ll get you out of there, okay?” Trixie nodded against his shoulder before he moved and began to make breakfast.

Roxanne sat down, throwing a cheeky smirk to her Alpha.

“It’s not often you get an Alpha making breakfast for you Trix. Maybe I need to come by more often.” 

“You can make your own breakfast, ratbag.”

“Hey, I came over here at your mates request! I was lying in the most comfortable bed at the time.” Roxanne whined in return, earning a laugh from Ashton.

“I doubt your mate would appreciate you calling him a bed.” Roxanne snorted.

“He makes the bed worth the comfort, but he doesn’t match the comfort of that bed and he knows it.” Ashton laughed, Trixie’s own soft giggles joining in and Cassidy smiled as she realised their ploy. 

To make the teenager giggle. 

When they reached the pack offices, Trixie was a lot more relaxed. Roxanne had foregone this trip, not entirely comfortable with the idea of watching an interrogation.

Ashton didn’t begrudge her this, instead asked her to coordinate with the other Elder’s with Elder Maybanks. The Elder never questioned the change, knowing that the disrespect would never have gone unpunished in Ashton’s eyes.

Cassidy felt her nerves, knowing that pack eyes were on her whether they’d announced this or not. People looked to how she dealt with situations and this was another one.

Calum greeted them with ease, pulling Trixie into a bear hug which made her giggle. 

“Everything okay little bird?” His voice was quiet and she nodded her head, glancing at Ashton. He nodded it in return. 

“Selene came to me last night.” Calum raised a curious eyebrow at that. 

“She decided to show her something that involved her sister.” Cassidy’s voice was tight and Calum gave her a confused look before she shook her head subtly. 

He took the indication and moved the subject forward. 

“So that was what drew my mate from me first thing? Sounds fair. Didn’t think I’d see you here though, little bird.” The statement wasn’t laid with curiosity as the group finally moved, Trixie pulling away to move back to Cassidy’s side. 

“I was told to be here.” Was the only reply she could give. Ashton smiled at her before motioning to his Head Warrior to hold fire. 

Calum fell silent as they made their way through the offices, his stern glare making wolves pause in their approach. 

Abel held no such qualms when he realised who was with his Alpha. 

“You’re safe.” Trixie breathes before rushing to meet him, her arms going around his neck as she held him tightly. 

“I’m sorry. Jacob got to me quick enough so it’s only desk duty for a few days rather than weeks.” He murmured in return and she simply held him a little bit tighter. 

Cassidy watched with relief as he comforted her and she shared a small smile with both Ashton and Calum. 

Abel had been invaluable to the Tellers. After his discovery that Trixie was his mate, he made every effort to help them get Roxanne settled into what should’ve been a life that she should’ve experienced growing up. 

Trixie was kept in the dark about her mate until she moved into the pack house and finally understood that loving her best friend the way she did was okay because he was hers. 

When Ashton offered to allow Abel to stay in the pack house she shook her head almost immediately; to Ashton’s confusion and Cassidy’s amusement. 

“I-I don’t want that with him. Not yet.” Her voice was timid and Cassidy understood. 

Ashton wasn’t quite so understanding. 

“But he’s your mate?” Cassidy took pity on her own mate. 

“She’s not ready to explore that side of their relationship. He’s her best friend and she’s comfortable enough to admit that she loves him but this is new territory for her. Not to mention, I doubt she wants anything untoward happening under her Alpha’s roof.” Cassidy’s explanation had sent Trixie red as a tomato, her eyes unable to meet her Alpha or Luna’s gazes.

But she nodded.

Then the light-bulb clicked for Ashton and he pressed his lips to hold back a laugh. He knew that laughing at the young human would distress her. 

“Don’t be ashamed of your choice, Trixie. You know Abel will wait for you.” Ashton finally managed without choking on the words. 

She’d fled soon after and then Ashton had laughed at the fact that she was so mortified. 

But in that moment, the way her hands fluttered around his face-her eyes and hands searching for any visible injuries-it was painfully obvious how much she cared for him. 

“Abel, with us if you will?” Ashton instructed as the group began to move once more. Trixie was torn between her Luna and her mate and Cassidy simply came up to her other side so that she was sandwiched between them. 

Two more wolves followed behind whilst Ashton and Calum took the lead. 

The group remained silent until they reached the elevator, only daring to talk as they passed underground level. 

“Why is Trixie here, Alpha?” Abel finally asked and Cassidy just nodded at Ashton’s brief glance. 

“She’s here because we found the traitor. Elder Greydown. We’ve tried to get all the information, however we’re not sure to trust it so religiously. So my mate is going to take a crack at him. According to Selene, Trixie must be with her.” Abel felt his stomach jolt as they reached the lowest level. 

Cassidy took pity on the warrior wolf, his eyes darting to an oblivious Trixie. 

“She was shown what happened to her sister.” Calum blanched at that, his sharp gaze meeting Cassidy’s. 

“She didn’t.” He barely got out, his eyes flickering to Trixie who had seemed to hunch in on herself once she’d registered the conversation. 

The group reached the first offices available to them which in turn gave Calum a second to pull his own composure as he sat down with Trixie. 

“Have you spoken to Rox since the dream, little bird?” She nodded her head. “Do you understand what happened in the dream?” 

She hesitated. 

“I understand some of it. But not all of it.” She whispered and Calum wiped his hand down his face, a slow breath escaping him. 

“Calum, I do not need her distressed before the interview.” Ashton warned and Cassidy sighed. 

“She needs to understand it. As much as I hate the fact that Selene took the decision from all of us, she needs to understand the actions of those wolves and the consequences that followed.” Ashton frowned at his mate but did not contradict her as Calum leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on his knees as his chin rested on his clasped hands. 

“Tell me what the Goddess showed you, little bird.” 

She described the dream in horrific detail, registering every mark and cut that had covered her sister's body in the dream. 

Abel had fallen into his stoic face, Cassidy belatedly realising he was there that day to see the aftermath. 

Calum was patient and wiped the tears that appeared on Trixie’s face as she described how both girls had been calling out for their Luna, but she never came. 

“I’m so sorry you had to witness that, little bird.” Calum murmured and she took in a shaky breath at his words. 

“Why did she show me that?” She finally whispered, the tears still in her eyes. Glancing to his Alpha, Calum rubbed his face with his hands before pulling away, a sigh escaping his lips. 

“Our goddess is showing you that we’re on the right path. That had Alpha Lockard not cared for our Luna like he did, she would’ve died. That the packs would’ve potentially fallen to rouges if this continues.” Cassidy felt her stomach twist as Ashton’s arm wrapped around her possessively. 

She couldn’t even find it in her to tell him to leave her be, because she knew on some level that hearing your mate might never have survived was difficult to hear. 

“Humans are at the centre of this. There’s something in play that we don’t know about yet, but Greydown knows something.” Ashton finally murmured and Calum nodded his head as they finally stood and made their way to the interrogation rooms. 

“If you need out, hit the door once. Twice if you need help.” Ashton murmured to Cassidy. She took a moment to see that he was genuinely worried, his eyes anxious and she placed her hand on his cheek, pressing a kiss to his lips. 

“We’ll be cautious.” She murmured, knowing it was entirely pointless but she needed him to know that the thought was there. 

Greydown openly smirked when they both entered the room, his arms bound behind his back, legs shackled to the chair he was sitting on. 

“The big bad Alpha decided to send the humans? Ha. That boy was never an alpha. He wanted to so desperately believe but letting humans do a wolf's work? Pathetic.” Cassidy kept silent, her eyebrow lifting up being the only indication that she was listening. 

This unnerved Greydown as Trixie followed her Luna’s example and kept her face impassive. 

‘Don’t say a word. He’ll crumble.’ A voice whispered to the young human. She gave no indication, no acknowledgement. Simply stared at Greydown. 

“Humans have been a bane to all the packs, to the lives we lead. Why should they be the ones who don’t have to hide?” 

Silence was his only answer once more. 

“Infections. The old prophets believed humans to be some kind of saviours of the packs. You’re nothing but thorns in our sides.” Cassidy moved. 

“You believed words of a prophet?” Her tone was empty, and Greydown sneered. 

“They were heralded as truth for centuries. But no humans were born to packs until now. Their words are nought but lies and desperation.” Trixie hid her smirk. 

“Why were they lies and desperation?” Cassidy kept her tone impassive once more and Greydown scoffed before spitting at her. Trixie stiffened, the disrespect sending something akin to fury down her spine. 

“The human born to wolves of lore, will hold the knowledge of Alphas unsure. To train and love and win the days, the wolves must seek their human mates. The one who shows the righteous path, will guide the Alpha to their new start. The prophet, the hurt, the broken and bent, will bring new times of peace and death. The dead reborn shall hold the keys, to start anew with the springtime breeze. The lonely wolf with no chance to escape, shall tear one from life to meet their fate. The humans born to wolves of lore, will lead the packs to glory and more.” The words were intoned, emotionless as another scoff followed. 

Cassidy shared a look with Trixie. 

“You will tell me how much Leo knows of this.” There was a firm edge to her voice and Trixie witnessed her Luna’s eyes flash amber. 

“Leo knows nothing of the prophecy. He refused to believe in something that would, in his eyes, be wrong.” Greydown responded before his eyes widened and his lips clamped shut. 

“Tell me what you know of what is happening to me.” Trixie felt a tingle run down her spine. Something in her was begging to submit to her Luna. Something she’d never felt before. 

Greydown’s lips parted despite his obvious attempts to keep them shut. 

“There were prophecies, that depicted the human born to wolves would possess the wolf. The human would have control of the wolf inside but there would be no change, no transformation. It would mark the start of an era that would either succeed or collapse. The prophet never said.” 

Greydown’s words were forced, reluctant. But Cassidy paid him no mind as she turned her attention to Trixie. 

Cassidy watched as Trixie stiffened, her eyes rolling back into her head as she let out a harsh breath. Her first instinct was to reach out but Greydown twitched and she froze. 

“The traitors are gone, the cause is done but the wolf that roams alone will continue. The wolf that was denied will fight and the wolf that has sprung forth will thrive. The traitors are gone and the cause is done.” 

Greydown stared at Trixie in shock as her head tilted forward, her eyes refocusing before her knees gave out. 

The door burst open, Calum and Ashton storming in. Calum went to Trixie, scooping up the teenager with ease whilst Ashton wasted no time in knocking Greydown out before his attention returned to Cassidy. 

“It’s answered a lot of questions. We’ll need to go to the Elders to learn more about this prophecy.” She nodded, but her focus was on Trixie who had taken in a startled breath. 

“I’ve got you little bird. Abel is waiting for you.” Calum’s voice was gentle as they reached the meeting room they were previously in and Abel wasted no time in getting to his feet, cradling his mate so gently as she trembled. 

“That was scary.” She finally whispered, her eyes finding her Luna who was pressed against her mate, relaxing to his touch as his fingers massaged her temples. 

“It means you’re a strong prophet little bird. And we need to talk to the elders sooner rather than later.” Calum piped up and Cassidy sighed. 

“There’s a lot we need to discuss with them. And maybe we can get this worked out before Leo decides to try his hand at another ambush.” Cassidy muttered as she sent Trixie a reassuring smile, leaning into Ashton’s touch. 

===

When the Elders met, Cassidy brightened upon seeing Elder Orion. And despite her ingrained sense of respect, the second he opened his arms in greeting, she allowed the comfort of her previous elder wash over her. 

“You truly have thrived, Luna. Your father and old Alpha pass on their wishes.” She found herself smiling at him before greeting the other elders. 

“Luna Cassidy, what happened after we dispersed?” Elder Maybanks went straight to it once they were sat down. She sat protectively next to Trixie, her mate on the other side. 

Abel realised there was more to the situation and remained silent as he comforted his mate, knowing she needed that more than anything. 

“A lot of things have happened, Elder Maybanks. Our Alpha has been interrogating the traitor, when Selene came to young Trixie once more. She was shown what happened to her sister upon a decision that was made to use the new skills I’ve acquired,” she hesitated but Elder Maybanks nodded, “he told us about the prophecies.” 

Elder Orion's gaze sharpened at her words and Elder Maybanks sighed. 

“What else happened, Child?” Cassidy found herself hesitating, glancing at Trixie. The young girl took in a deep breath, her shoulders determined, but her hands trembled. 

“I gave a prophecy.” 

The Elders froze. 

“Are you sure?” Elder Maybanks words were sharp, a steely glint in his eyes. 

“I saw it with my own eyes, as did Head Warrior Hood. She’s a true prophet and a strong one.” Ashton cut in before Cassidy could snap. She bristled at the silent accusations of deceit from the Elder but Ashton had stopped her from putting her foot in it. 

The worried looks shared between the Elders caused the Alpha and Luna to exchange worried looks. If this was concerning the Elders, what was happening? 

“This changes a lot of things.” Elder Orion muttered as he leaned back in his chair. “Luna Cassidy, do you remember what I taught you about prophets?” 

Cassidy could feel every set of eyes on her, and she determinedly ignored the look of shock from Elder Maybanks as she tried to remember what Elder Orion was discussing.

“I remember when you taught me about the witch trials, how packs were found by hunters who were seeking out witches and razed towns to the ground, no man, woman or child surviving. You mentioned something about prophets being saved by other packs but I don’t remember much else.” He nodded his head, turning to the other wolves in the room.

“Whilst Cassidy was growing up, Alpha Lockard assumed that she may have been a prophet. Not to say that she wasn’t extremely clever in her own right, but she seemed to predict the wrong moves that were made. We later realised that she had a strategic mind, a mind that calculated every potential move. There’s not been a prophet within the packs since the 1700’s. After the witch trials, they simply vanished.” Elder Orion explained.

This caused an alarm for Trixie, her grip on her mates hand getting tighter.

Elder Orion noticed immediately and smiled kindly to the distressed teenager.

“It is simply believed that prophets moved packs and never spoke about their gifts. We have always watched out for potential prophets in the more recent years, but in my own living history, I’ve never seen or heard of a prophet until you, Miss Teller.” This did little to soothe her, but Cassidy placed her arm around Trixie in comfort.

“Why is any of this important?” Calum finally asked, his eyes flickering between his mates little sister and Elder Orion.

“Because if Selene has truly gifted her as a true prophet, it will change the tide with the rogues. But also she will be sought out by many other packs, determined to bind her to their pack with a mate of their choice.” 

Those very words were the wrong ones to say. 

Abel growled lowly, the noise startling Trixie as his own body seemed to fight the transformation, amber coloured eyes glowing.

Cassidy felt her stomach swoop before Ashton stepped in.

“Abel, if you shift, you will hurt her. I’m ordering you to calm down.” The power of the command was heavy, his eyes falling shut as he went to move his arms around Trixie, but he froze.

Without any prompting, the teenager moved so that she was sitting on his lap, allowing him to pull her closer, his face pressing into her hair as he took in slow, steady breaths.

“I think that answers that.” Ashton muttered and Cassidy just felt the absurdity of the comment hit her, a giggle breaking through her lips before she was laughing, her head resting on Ashton’s shoulder.

“I think Luna has lost the plot.” A soft whisper came from beside her and she found herself struggling for air as she shook her head.

“I haven’t lost the plot. Just my mates comment, and the whole absurd idea that Abel would even let anyone near Trixie if she were in danger.” The teenager understood her Luna's words immediately and the two shared grins.

Ashton merely rolled his eyes at his own mate fondly, a soft smile on his lips before his attention turned back to the elders. 

“Is there anything we can do for now?” 

Elder Orion shook his head.

“The best thing we can do is protect her secret. Greydown will have to die regardless of his knowledge. He heard her prophecy.” This sobered the room up immediately, Trixie’s smile fading as she realised the implications.

“Is that because of me?” The question was timid and Elder Orion paused, his gaze turning to Cassidy and Ashton who turned their attention to the timid teenager.

“He was a traitor to the pack regardless of him hearing your prophecy. Traitors to the pack have two options. Exile or death. Greydown knows too much to be allowed exile.” Ashton explained softly and she sighed, a small nod following seconds later.

“I understand.” Cassidy could see that she did understand, and grimaced slightly, but there was nothing she could do.

“We also need to discuss what happened to Cass. Her eyes turned amber when she interrogated Greydown when she realised he was the traitor. Do you have any ideas?” 

The two Elders shared a look before Maybanks spoke up this time.

“There is something, Greydown wasn’t wrong when he said that Elder’s across the globe believed that prophecy to ring true. We need to get full facts from some contacts. When we know more, we’ll sit down with you, if that’s okay Luna?” 

Cassidy nodded her head.

“That works for me Elder Maybanks. It’ll give us a chance to deal with the consequences of today before we look into my own changes.” The two Elders nodded before the group dispersed and they went back to the main offices.

“Abel, finish up today and then take the next couple of days off. It’ll help your healing so long as you do nothing strenuous, so no weights and no shifting.” Calum finally muttered and Trixie stared at him in shock before turning to her mate.

Abel seemed to break into relief, his lips curving into a gentle smile. He knew a gift was being given to him at this moment and he decided to take it.

“Thank you Warrior Hood. I’ll be sure all paperwork is done and then take my leave.” He pressed a kiss to Trixie’s temple before making his way back to the small cubicle that was his whilst the rest of the group headed out of the pack offices.

“I’ll take Trixie back home.” Casidy hummed and Ashton nodded, his lips meeting hers in a short, sweet kiss.

“I’ll handle the problem. If there are any issues, I’ll call. Drive safe.” And with those words, they disappeared back into the pack offices and her gut knew what was going to happen. But she ignored those thoughts. Greydown was beyond saving, so it would be a mercy. 

The ride back home was silent.

When they returned home, Trixie disappeared into her room, causing Cassidy to sigh before she made her way to her office.

It was one thing she was insistent on when her move to the pack became permanent. 

She knew that Ashton had nothing to hide from her, and he knew that she had nothing to hide from him. However they both realised that being up in each others space wasn’t going to help either of them. 

So she convinced Michael to stay on as strategist, however he then convinced the Elder’s to make her appointment not only official, but put her up there with the other Alpha’s. Within three years of moving to Vinewood, she was appointed the Head Strategist for all of the continents packs. 

She accepted the title with grace in public, but within the confines of Ashton’s office, she voiced her ways of brutally murdering Michael as payback for putting this on her shoulders.

However, she shone as she went from strength to strength and that was when both her and Ashton decided to install an office for her and her alone. It meant that any confidential information would remain as so, but also it gave her the space that was not only hers, but also showed her hard work and the results of that hard work.

Once ensconced within her office, she contacted the other packs that had been attacked, gathering the information about the traitors and anything they had in common. That was what they needed to discover before Leo twisted his claws into more wolves. 

It was easy to work in the silence, tapping away at her computer as she emailed back and forth with a few of the other pack strategists. 

It was only when a gentle knock on her door made her pause, tearing her eyes away from the computer.

“Come in.” 

There was a second of hesitation before the door opened to reveal a red eyed Trixie Teller and she felt her heart going out to the teenager.

“Sit down sweetheart.” Her tone was reassuring and gentle, coaxing the young girl to try to relax.

Once the door was shut and Trixie was seated, Cassidy studied her for a moment before she resumed typing away, knowing that the young girl would speak when she was ready.

She’d been dealt with a lot of knowledge, some of that being the death of a pack member because they heard her prophecy. It was a lot for anyone to take in, let alone a teenager.

The silence seemed to stretch on for longer than Cassidy had expected, but she’d glanced over a few times to make sure she was still there. 

She was, but her eyes were glued to the floor, not even glancing up.

So Cassidy stopped, switching off her monitor and resting her hands on her desk.

“Talk to me sweetheart.” And finally, Trixie looked up, a frown upon her features.

“Today has been a lot.” The statement was simple, but it spoke volumes for Cassidy.

“It has. What do you want to talk about first?” 

“Elder Greydown, well I guess he isn’t an elder anymore, but still. Why would Alpha kill him instead of exiling him? Even if he didn’t know of the prophecy?” The question was a good one, and Cassidy had been expecting it.

“You see, Greydown had continually disrespected me as Luna since day one. This has been six years of abuse that’s been building up. However, he committed treason against the pack. He willingly put young wolves in danger because he believed us to be diseased.” 

She watched as Trixie’s face dropped.

“You wanted to redeem him, didn’t you?” The question wasn’t accusatory, and one look upon Cassidy’s face helped Trixie understand that. So she nodded.

“I didn’t want to think he was that bad that he deserved death over exile.” She finally whispered and Cassidy sighed once she realised that they’d stumbled onto the crux of the matter.

“It’s nice to try and see the best in people, trust me I did that for years. It was how I met my best friend. But sometimes, people just don’t have any good qualities in them. Greydown was one of those wolves who refused to see silver linings. He did not teach tolerance to the pack pups like he was meant to, he could have knowingly sabotaged that ambush that resulted in Abel getting hurt.” 

She hated using Trixie’s mate as a point, but she needed the teenager to know that he’d arranged for it to happen in such a way. Mates were sacred, and had he succeeded in killing Abel, she would’ve been a shell of a person, either choosing to live like her sister had done and pray for a second chance mate, or follow after him.

And Cassidy was certain that she would’ve chosen to follow after him.

“He’s the reason why Abel got hurt?” There was a steely glint in her eyes, her jaw clenching and Cassidy hesitantly nodded her head.

“Ashton uncovered his treachery. It’s another reason why exile was not possible. He actively worked against the pack that nearly resulted in a death. The last time that happened in any pack and they chose exile, it led to the rogue issue that we have currently.” 

“Leo?” Cassidy nodded. “What happened?” 

And so the two sat there as Cassidy told her stories of her best friend, of how he had put faith in her plans but Leo-the jealous son of the Alpha who favored her-sabotaged her plans, therefore worked against the pack that resulted in Talon’s death.

Trixie remained stunned as she heard this tale for the first time, her unease slowly slipping away as she found herself engrossed in the story that her Luna was telling her.

By the time that Ashton had returned home, both girls had migrated down to the kitchen, choosing to cook a small meal together as Cassidy told Trixie tales of her childhood. 

And despite how the day had gone, the heaviness that weighed on his chest, seeing the two of them giggling together over something that his mate had done when she was a child, it lifted Ashton’s soul from the floor back to the heavens where she’d first lifted it when he met her.

Trixie greeted her Alpha with ease, despite knowing what he had done, she realised that this was simply consequences of an action that nearly killed her mate. 

“Alpha. Did you get a chance to eat today?” Cassidy smirked at the jet black haired teenager, Ashton shaking his head at his apparent new keeper.

“Not today little miss. There was plenty of deskwork with the field work that we had today, so not much was consumed food wise. I’ve certainly had my fair share of caffeine though.

This made Cassidy giggle.

“My mate seems to drink coffee like it’s water.” The look of disgust that Trixie gave her Alpha made Ashton smirk.

“When you have to patrol so many nights in a row whilst still remaining upright in the middle of the day, coffee would be your best friend too. I know that Calum is just as addicted and drives your sister up the wall with it.” His arms wrapped around Cassidy as he pressed a kiss to her cheek in greeting. 

Trixie snorted.

“Yeah well, she likes the stuff too. It’s no surprise that they’re mates really.” Ashton laughed at her statement and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Don’t let her catch you saying that otherwise she might skin you alive.” He teased her playfully as she finished up the meal, elbowing his stomach as she moved to get some dishes.

This was what Cassidy loved. It was simplicity at its finest but also it was Ashton teaching Trixie to stand up for herself. If she could stand up for herself against her Alpha, then the world had no chance.

“Yeah well, she’d skin you alive first so I’ll just hide with my Luna under the nice, new, wolf skin rug that we’d end up acquiring thanks to my sister.” This set Cassidy off as they finally sat down to eat and she noticed that the dark cloud that hung over her mate had slowly disappeared.

“Brave words, tiny one. How about you and me do some training this week?” Her eyes lit up as a grin stretched across her face.

“Absolutely. Do you think we could include Abel this time so that he knows that I can protect myself? I know he’s my mate and he’s always going to worry, but I just want him to worry less.” She explained in a rush, Ashton nodding to her request.

“It shouldn’t be too difficult. But we’ll get Cass involved so she can sit on him to stop him from shifting and protecting you from me. Sound fair?” She nodded at his words as they dug into the meal and a feeling of peace settled over the trio.

Cassidy knew better than to think that this would last, but she was going to enjoy it whilst she could.

===

The first training session had been a disaster. 

Abel hadn’t known what to expect, and watching his Alpha phase and launch at his mate was not on his list. Cassidy hasn’t had a chance to stop him before he shifted and crouched in front of Trixie. 

It took Abel more time to come down from that bout of anger, but they left the session at that and Abel had kept his silence. 

The next session was better. He was able to stop his initial reaction, especially after a firm talking to from his Luna, he watched. 

And even though her techniques needed refining, he could see how she handled herself. That was when he began to understand why she wanted him to see her train. 

Cassidy stepped in from time to time as well, showing the teenager some of her own moves. Ashton stepped back when this happened and Abel began to understand why his Alpha only had mild concerns for his mates safety. 

She was a badass.

By the end of the session, Abel was relaxed in the knowledge that should anything happen, she could take care of herself. 

“Why not make something like this mandatory for all of the humans in the pack, Luna?” Abel questioned as the quartet headed inside. They would grab some food before the two males would head back out to the pack office buildings.

“Because they’re children. They rely on adults to protect them.” 

“And Trixie doesn’t?” Cassidy smiled at him.

“No. I don’t think she’s really relied on anyone since that day six years ago. It may seem simple to you Abel, but human children are so fragile compared to a young wolf. We’ve got a couple of the older ones in a self defence class, anymore at this point would be too much. When they hit thirteen, they’ll come to me and I’ll start teaching them then.” 

“Two styles to switch it up, then?” And Trixie grumbled as Cassidy grinned.

“Someone in the pack who uses their brains.” This earned her a confused look and Trixie sighed.

“Luna had to practically spell it out to us why we were in self defence classes as well as training with her.” The way her cheeks turned pink had Abel grinning as he squeezed her hand gently.

“I have a step up since I’m one of the warriors. I can guarantee you other wolves would not think of it that way.” Ashton glanced at his watch and sighed.

“Practice with Cass, T-bird.” The teenager grimaced at the nickname as she ducked from the hair ruffle that her alpha bestowed on her as he walked past to kiss his mate.

Her own mate laughed before doing the same thing and kissing her forehead before he got up and headed out, Ashton following seconds later. Trixie hid her face in her arms, her hair a mess thanks to the two men.

“Stupid Alpha and stupid mate messing up my hair.” The grumble had been loud enough for Cassidy to hear, earning a round of laughter.

“C’mon, I’ve still got some time before I’m expecting a call. How about we take a look at your English papers.” The groan that followed from Trixie made Cass laugh as she all but frog marched the teenager upstairs to her office

Barely fifteen minutes in and her phone goes off, earning a curious look from Trixie as Cassidy picked up the call.

“Luna Irwin of the Vinewood pack. Who am I speaking with?” 

“Cassie, thank god.” The relief in Issac’s tone caught her off guard.

“Two seconds.” She tilted the mouthpiece away as she looked to Trixie. “Would you mind finishing off downstairs? I’ll join you when I’m off.” The teenager didn’t argue as she gathered her things and shut the door behind her as she left.

“Cassie it’s been mayhem.” 

“Issac slow down please, what’s happened?” 

“There’s another traitor in the pack. But they killed a human child.” Her heart stopped at his words.

“Who?” 

“That’s just it. We don’t know. I was sent an email, and god Cassie it’s gruesome. I thought it was a wolf at first because the kids' eyes were amber, but when we checked the registry and the young boy that was murdered was definitely human.”

“Fuck.” The whisper might as well have been a scream. “It’s been happening to me, the amber eyes thing. The Elders believe it’s a prophecy in play. Fuck.”

“I’ll forward it to you, but it’s brutal.” And with that, she opened up her computer, clicking through until the video uploaded to her screen.

And as she watched, she felt sick. Tears burned her eyes as she tried not to cry out, but when the final blow was delivered, she couldn’t stop herself.

Issac had stayed on the line for her, his steady breathing being the only thing that stopped the panic attack overwhelming her.

“I need to contact Ash, fuck, Issac this is big. The Elders are going to get involved.” Her brain was going miles a minute. “Have you found the little boy yet?” 

“There’s a team working on it now. We’ve already been in touch with their parents. It was Demela’s and Mason’s youngest lad. Joseph.” And she felt her body lurch uncomfortably. 

“Issac.” His name came out as a sob.

“I know.” He soothed. 

Joseph had been one of the four children born into her old pack after she left. He came from a family with six older brothers who doted on him regardless of his status as a human. The first time she’d visited and she’d been introduced to the family, she’d clicked instantly. It had also been the first time that she’d really considered having a child. 

“I need Ash. He needs to know.” Part of her felt disengaged and heartbroken, the other part of her was planning out how she’d skin the traitor for this.

“With the state of distress, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on his way.” 

Issac’s words rang true when there was a firm knock at the door before it opened.

“Cass? Baby?” His frantic eyes searched for whatever was causing her this kind of pain. But she couldn’t get her words to work, only pointing at the video that was still open on her computer.

Issac spoke up.

“It’s something you need to watch, Alpha Irwin.” 

Ashton realised immediately that if something could make his mate this distressed, then it was a bad thing.

And so he clicked play.

Cassidy tried to block out the noise, the images. But she couldn’t. Her heart broke all over again. But she could feel her mates anger through the bond. Anger that was mounting into fury and she grasped his bicep.

“We can’t leave this. We need to find the traitor.” Her words were quiet but determined. Ashton nodded once, his jaw set.

“We’re flying out to you, Issac. Expect us by nightfall with the Elders.” The decision was firm and Cassidy immediately moved and headed to their room to pack a few bags. 

“Trixie will need to come with us.” Ashton’s words made her jump in fright, her hands trembling as she continued to fold the clothes up before packing them.

“She cannot see that video. And so help me goddess if Selene decides to take that decision from our hands because I will march up to her fucking door and demand judgement.” Her tone was harsh, but Ashton could hear her fear, her pain under the words. “He was a child.”

And her composure slipped into tears, Ashton pulling his mate closer as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“We’ll explain in basic terms to Trixie. We will warn her that should Selene take the choice out of our hands, it is gruesome. I need to call an emergency meeting. We need to get a warning to the families as well.” Ashton rattled off and Cassidy took in a deep breath.

“Calum, Luke and Michael need to see this. They need to prepare.” Ashton nodded at her words as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

“Finish packing, I’ll go talk to Trixie.” She didn’t argue as he left the room. She knew that there was no way that she’d have been able to even describe what happened.

By the time that the trio had packed and gotten to the offices, Ashton instructed Trixie to stay with Abel until they left. He didn’t miss the frown, but Cassidy simply gave her a reassuring smile.

“Protocols need to be followed, Trix. Twenty minutes tops and then we’re heading for the airport.” Trixie nodded at Cassidy’s words and turned her attention to her mate, the two of them quietly discussing her latest pet project with an old computer.

When the Irwin’s reached the conference room, she fought down the need to be sick as Ashton played the video for the other three as well as the remaining Elders. Their reactions were ones of horror, but it was Elder Orion who had tears down his cheeks.

“Little Joseph, Demela and Mason’s youngest, correct?” He whispered and Cassidy nodded as she tried to wipe her tears away once more.

“Issac is searching for-for the place. He’s contacted the family. This was a brutal attack but it also means that there are potential traitors we don’t know about. Sleeper cells, if you will.” Calum nodded at her terminology.

“We’ll talk to the other families which have human children and see if we can convince them to the pack house. It’ll be easier to defend rather than trying to split our forces seven ways to protect the land.” Ashton nodded at Calum’s immediate response.

“Every wolf we have available has to be on this. Four teams on rotation for the pack house and double the patrol on the borders. No one gets in or out of the pack lands. Trespassers are to be captured and interrogated immediately, any violence is to be met with full force.” Calum nodded at his Alpha’s orders. 

“Michael.” Cassidy’s voice was softer, but caught the blonde’s attention.

“Yes Luna?”

“I’m going to be coordinating with other packs on this. See if there have been any-any other murders.” She stumbled over the words and he nodded his head in understanding. “Also I’m going to place you in as my second in command. If any other strategists get in touch, they’ll be redirected to you. As of right now, I will be uncontactable until further notice.” 

“Has it been approved?” His eyes glanced to Elder Maybanks who nodded in return.

“We cleared it last week. It was intended to be a surprise for you, but as you can see that’s had to change immediately.” Cassidy held back a snort.

“Luke, it’s basic day to day running as possible.If anyone asks, there’s been a credible threat with another pack that needs to be dealt with. Shutdown pack lines until we return home.” Luke nodded at that before Ashton returned his attention to Calum.

“Trixie will be coming with us. She’s already told her sister she has to go but not why. You need to make sure she doesn’t follow us. It’s going to be tough enough with the devastation from my Luna.” Calum nodded once more as he let out a breath of air. 

Ashton and Cassidy were gone once it was confirmed that everything had been set in place.

They collected Trixie from Abel who looked unsure and the trio were up in the air quick enough. It wasn’t unusual for packs to have access to small airports, most preferred to travel by car or by shifting. But this wasn’t an option and it was the fastest way for them to get there without causing widespread panic. 

Matthew was there to greet them and didn’t hesitate to pull his daughter into a warm hug as Ashton helped Trixie off the plane. 

He greeted her with the same amount of ease and Ashton a firm handshake before they were bundled into the car and off again. 

“Who else knows?” Ashton’s question was quiet but Matthew shook his head. 

“The trees have ears.” Was all he replied with, causing Ashton and Cassidy to exchange alarmed looks. Nothing else was spoken about as they made their journey to the pack offices. It spoke volumes of the tragedy that had happened because there was no one else greeting them when they arrived.

They entered the building without being looked at twice. Cassidy stopped herself from going over to Demela and Mason when she spotted them. The couple looked exhausted and their children looked equally tired. 

When they reached Issac’s office, Trixie had shrunk into Cassidy’s side, the intimidating and unfamiliar wolves unnerving her. Cassidy was briefly reminded of Hope as her dad knocked on the door before letting them into the office.

“Cassie.” Her eyes snapped to her younger sister who looked relieved to see her. She wasted no time in moving around the desk and launching at her older sister.

“Alpha Irwin, thank you for coming at such short notice.” Issac’s voice was tired and Ashton waved him off.

“You do the same for us, Issac. This young lady here is Trixie Teller.” Ashton gestured to Trixie who found herself feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

“Miss Teller, I’m so pleased to be finally meeting you, I just wish it was under better circumstances.” She gave him a wry smile in return.

“Likewise, Alpha Lockard.” 

“Looks like humans can be taught manners, brat.” Issac’s voice carried to Cassidy, Trixie shooting a confused look to her Alpha who simply shook his head when Cassidy laughed.

“Oh no. With her own Alpha, she’s worse than what I was. With her sister, they tease him relentlessly.” She fired back before letting the girl go.

“Trix, this is my sister Hope. Long story short, she’s next for the Alpha title.” Trixie nodded as she shook hands with Hope.

“It’s nice to meet you Hope, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Hope gave her a crooked smirk.

“All lies, I assure you.” And Trixie giggled.

The giggle broke some of the tension and Issac’s shoulders slumped as he ran a hand down his face. 

Cassidy truly saw her previous Alpha in that moment, the tired lines around his eyes. 

“How’s Pandora?” Cassidy’s question brought a smile to his face. 

“Good. Little Jessie is driving her mother mad.” This made Cassidy laugh. A few years after she’d left the pack, Issac had announced his mates pregnancy with sheer glee and she loved getting updates from him about the rascal. 

“At least Pandora knows how to handle rambunctious pups with no sense of self-preservation.” Issac chuckled as he rummaged through papers before handing them over to Ashton. 

“I understand the need to keep Miss Teller protected but does she need to be here for this?” Trixie remained silent, only casting a glancing look to her Alpha. 

“She’s a true prophet.” Issac’s jaw fell slack, a gasp of air escaping from Matthew. Hope held a look of polite confusion. 

“ Touched by the goddess herself.” Matthew whispered and Trixie shifted uncomfortably under the stares. 

“Pack it in. She’s frightened enough and doesn’t need you two confusing her.” Cassidy snapped at them both and the two men exchanged looks. 

“Cassie, you remember when we thought you were a prophet but instead you were scarily smart?” Matthew tried to keep his awe from his voice but didn’t quite succeed. 

“I only know what you told me. I don’t remember much else.” At this, Matthew sighed before sitting down. Issac pressed his lips together. 

“Do you want me to tell her?” Matthew shook his head. 

“Tell me what?” The hesitation was in Cassidy’s voice as she looked between her dad and old Alpha with  uncertainty. 

“Parts of your memories don’t remember it because the Elders locked it away. When you were seven, you’d been stolen from under our noses.” 

Her body went still. 

“We believe that it’s linked with this killing. There’s no recognisable scent and it was a child who was not only human but one we’d been watching for prophetic tendencies.” 

“You’re not telling me everything.” She could see the tears in her dad's eyes and then she slowly realised. 

“No.” The word was a whisper but Matthew flinched. 

She could never remember her mother’s death. She was told that it was a sudden death, that there was no notable cause for it. She’d been seven at the time because her eighth birthday had been the first one without her mother. Jamie had been three. 

“They killed her in retaliation to us rescuing you.” She could feel her heart shatter. It was too much and with the situation going on, she couldn’t take off like she wanted to. 

“I need to go.” She was up and out of the room, the tears running down her face as she took off for her old home, using one of the pack cars they’d arrived in. 

Ashton didn’t even have a chance to try and stop her, the sudden heartbreak catching him off guard mixed with the overwhelmed feeling. 

“I take it that the Elders locking the memory away was for her benefit?” Ashton couldn’t be angry. He understood to an extent that to watch a child suffer like so was difficult. 

He watched as tears rolled down his father-in-law’s face. 

“She awoke every night screaming. There were days when she would fight to get out of the house, her trauma so much that she couldn’t tell that I was her own father.” Matthew sounded so broken, Issac’s hand coming to rest on his Beta’s shoulders. 

“Alpha?” Trixie’s voice was nervous and Ashton turned to the teenager and noted the pale pallor her skin took. 

“Trixie? Are you okay?” The second he said that, her body slumped into the chair and Ashton swore. 

“This is too fucking much Selene.” He snarled, scooping the teenager up, cradling her carefully. Hope looked stunned for a second. 

“Selene?” In truth, although Ashton had known she was there, she’d kept herself quiet enough to have become background noise, something he wouldn’t have noticed had she not spoken up. 

“Young Trixie usually has prophetic dreams, only once has she gone into a trance. But with the prophetic dreams, if she is awake at an inconvenient time, she will suffer in such a way until she passes out. Cassidy believes this to be because she is young and therefore is not trained to handle the drastic changes.” 

“Your mate may be onto something there, Ashton.” Issac finally hummed. 

The young human twitched and the colour began to return to her cheeks and Ashton sighed. 

“You love her like your own, don’t you?” Matthew murmured, his face clear of tears but his eyes rimmed red. Ashton nodded. 

“She has kind and loving parents who love her and her sister. It’s not a parental kind of love, more like I see her as a younger sister, someone to protect. It’s the same with her older sister. The only instinct that is stronger is my bond to Cass.” Hope giggled. 

The giggle once more eased the tensions that had been building up and he felt the heartbreak ease in his chest. She was somewhere safe. 

“And what’s so funny little miss?” Matthew teases his youngest child, unable to stop the smile at her cheeky grin. 

“Sounds to me that Alpha Irwin got bitten by the same thing that had Cassie practically adopt me so many years ago. The only thing that was stronger than the bond she has with me was the one that Leo created. It’s why when the bond was broken, my bond with her was what eased it and helped me function.” Hope explained gently and Ashton understood. 

His awe for his sister-in-law increased tenfold and she found herself blushing at his impressed look. 

Matthew finally chuckled. 

“Somehow we thought she was just an anomaly, however the fates certainly matched you two well, Ashton.” And Ashton grinned. 

Trixie finally stirred and her cheeks went dark as she pressed her face into Ashton’s shoulder. 

“It happened again didn’t it?” 

“Unfortunately so, my favourite human.” At the muffled curse, Ashton laughed. 

“Selene really picks her moments.” She finally pulled away and retook her seat, eyes locking onto Hope. 

“When Luna returns tomorrow, you and her will need to head to the next city over, without guards shadowing you. One to drive and one as a backup but they stay in the car. A rogue is unsure and has the information we need. Selene wishes for him to be tried under pack law and for Luna to use her gift on him to get the truth.” Ashton knew better than to voice the outrage but he tampered it down to a raised eyebrow. 

Issac and Matthew however, disagreed entirely, voicing their displeasure. 

“Hope that’s an ambush at best, suicide trip at worst!” Issac snapped and Trixie turned her gaze to the other Alpha. Ashton recognises the look immediately and turned his attention to the other three. 

“You will listen to my avatar on this earth Issac James. The rogue is unsure about the goals of the rebellion and is pulling away. Cassidy Helen will set things right for another pack and give Hope Rose a second chance.” 

Both Issac and Matthew froze. 

“Selene.” They whispered in unison. Hope was speechless. 

Ashton tried not to smirk as Trixie returned her attention to Ashton. 

“I will visit Cassidy Helen tonight. Do not panic if you feel your bond fall dormant. I’m most proud of you Ashton Fletcher.” He simply inclined his head before he watched Trixie give a little shake before meeting her Alpha’s amused gaze. 

“At least it wasn’t in front of a prisoner this time?” She offered timidly and Ashton burst out into baritone laughter. 

“Life will never be dull with you and your sister around, Trixie. Issac, Hope, Matthew, we will see ourselves down to the canteen for some food and let you digest this information. As you realise, this cannot be known by anyone, not even Jamie until Selene deems it safe. Like you said, the trees have ears.” 

Issac could only nod weakly before Ashton escorted Trixie down to the lower floors where the canteen was situated and they got themselves some food. 

Trixie remained by his side, unwilling to stray towards the unfamiliar stares. She felt like she was under such scrutiny but once those eyes turned to the man next to her, their gazes dropped and they never cast a look in her direction. 

Confused, Trixie turned to Ashton to question the strange behaviour but then she saw the murderous look upon her Alpha’s face and understood why they averted their gazes so fast. 

Unsure how the other wolves would take her teasing her Alpha, she kept herself formal. 

“Alpha, will Luna be okay?” Ashton glanced at the teenager and noted her shy hesitance. He smiled kindly at her as they collected food. She didn’t protest when he paid for it. 

“This was just a step too far. She needs to process that before she’ll come back. She’ll always come back to us, but much like when you hide away after it’s been an overwhelming day, it’s been an overwhelming week for her. We just need to give her space.” Understanding dawned as they sat down and ate silently, listening to the steady flow around them. 

It was towards the end of their lunch that Hope appeared, paying no mind to the small bows from her pack. Trixie frowned. 

“May I join you?” Hope’s question was met with a nod from Ashton but the frown on Trixies face didn’t let up. 

As Hope sat down, she finally caught the look on the teenagers face and raised an eyebrow. 

“Everything okay Miss Teller?” The use of her last name startled her and a blush coated her cheeks but she remained silent. Hope wasn’t too sure how to take this and Ashton snorted. 

“She takes offence to ignoring your pack when they acknowledge you. It’s not something I like to practice unless I’m in an emergency.” Ashton explained softly, and Hope had the decency to look ashamed. 

“It’s still something I can never believe. Alpha Issac is still working on that with me.” Trixie nodded but remained silent as she took another bite of food, clearing the plate.

Ashton had pushed his plates to the side long ago but waited for the teenager, knowing her discomfort.

“Would you like to see her training? Your sister has been training her so far and it’d be nice to get an outsiders opinion of her progress who knows where she should ideally be.” Trixie grinned and Hope returned it with a smile of her own. 

“I would be delighted Alpha Irwin. Miss Teller, if you would follow me?” And the trio left without another word between them, the stares of the pack members following them out of the doors. 

-

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[nabtime]

Hold My Broken Hands, Ignite My Burning Heart

1h27min/25 songs that make me think of Tododeku in different ways 

Fire - Diskopunk // Out of My League - Fitz and The Tantrums // Aawake at Night - halfalive // Bad Liar - Selena Gomez  // Collide - Howie Day // Falling For U - Peachy!, mxmtoon // Crush - Tessa Violet // Would You Be So Kind - dodie // Please Notice - Christian Leave // I See You - MISSIO // Talk Too Much - COIN // Tongue Tied - Grouplove // When the Day Met the Night - Panic! at the Disco // First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes // Home to You - Sigrid // Fall On Me - A Great Big World // Grow As We Go - Ben Platt // Two - Sleeping at Last // High Hope - Patrick Droney // Talk to Me - Cavetown // Sunkissed - khai dreams // I Do Adore - Mindy Gledhill // Pink in the Night - Mitski // Laundry Room - The Avett Brothers // Brand New Day - Kodaline 

explanations for song choice under the cut ! its looooong

Fire - “When I saw you a fire / Started in my heart / I looked at you again / Yeah, you've burned from the start” 

Every tododeku fic youve ever read has a moment like this or a moment similar. izuku has to light shouto on fire either metaphorically or literally. “It’s your power, isn’t it?” This song is for that. its about a spark that ignites between them, whatever the catalyst, and sets the world around them ablaze (wonder, gratitude, amazement, relief, an all-encompassing light and bubbly feeling that leaves them stunned and in love)

Out of My League -  “You were out of my league / Got my heartbeat racing / If I die, don't wake me / 'Cause you are more than just a dream”

both of these idiots, at one point or another, think that the other one is out of their league. Izuku is far too cute and personable and an over all sunshine beacon and obviously he is far too good of a person to ever be in Todoroki’s league and Todoroki is far too beautiful and composed and an over all competent badass to ever be in Midoriya’s league 

Aawake at Night -  “ Alone in a crowded room / My eyes will search for you / Abandoned by my company / I'll search for what's in front of me / And hope that I find something new”

a tribute to those fics where Midoriya and Todoroki meet at a party. where they lock eyes and everything begins from there bc damn if they hadn’t just spotted the hottest person theyd ever seen. its about those fics where theyre both awkward wallflowers finding solidarity in not wanting to be at this party that their friends dragged them and abandoned them in

Collide - “ I'm open, you're closed / Where I follow, you'll go / I worry I won't see your face / Light up again / Even the best fall down sometimes / Even the wrong words seem to rhyme / Out of the doubt that fills my mind / I somehow find / You and I collide”

what is this an early 20s comedy show that has its surprisingly deep/romantic subplot moments? absolutely and there’s noting you can do about it. its about Midoriya punching Todoroki with friendship and then showing him via the dekusquad how to be a person and that friendship slowly evolving into love. its about Midoriya being fumbling and awkward sometimes bc this is the first time hes ever had friends or a crush that he actually talks to?? on a regular basis?? and even though getting together is a clumsy mess they still come together

Bad Liar - “ Oh I'm tryin' /  Not to think about you /  With my feelings on fire / Guess I'm a bad liar “

Theyre gay and trying to repress their feelings and thankfully its not really working out for them. its about the boys trying so so hard to not be in love with the other for whatever reasons the fic has (he’s my best friend and i dont wanna ruin it, obviously he doesnt like me like that, my father would kill him, etc etc) and failing miserably. 

Falling For U - “ I didn't wanna believe my feelings for you / I didn't wanna believe that I could lose you / If I told you just how I felt “

Gay repression and mutual pining take 2 ! but also including That Moment when oh everything comes together and oh my goodness im in love ?? and Midoriya cant believe the world is crashing down around him and Todoroki has set himself on fire and theyre both so dense and suffering from so much emotional trauma but here they are, in love. 

Crush - “  You make it difficult to not overthink / And when I'm with you I turn all shades of pink, ah / I wanna touch you but don't wanna be weird / It's such a rush, I'm thinking wish you were here, ah-ahh “

doesnt matter when the fic is set, if theyre teenagers or adults, these boys are the epitome of puppy love crushes and blushes and fumbled awkward words and gestures and not quite knowing what to do with their feelings and theyre both so anxious about and its always such a relief to find out that its all mutual but still, having that crush is always like being hit over the head with affection

Would You Be So Kind - “ Oh would you be / So kind / As to fall in love with me, you see / I'm trying / I know you know that I like you / But that's not enough / So if you will / Please fall in love “

oooo its about that sweet sweet mutual pining that they both thing will forever remain unrequited and that yearning for the other to love just as much as them. its about the boys falling into daydreams about what it would be like if their feelings were mutual. its about that first fumbling confession maybe where its either todoroki being blunt or midoriya finally scraping together his courage and always always saying “its okay if you dont feel the same, we can forget this and still be friends, but i need you to know...” and its about hoping, hoping so much, that they wont stay friends and that maybe, if the other takes the chance, he’ll fall in love too (even tho he’s already there) its about skirting the edge of friendship and pushing boundaries into the romantic hoping that it sparks something (even tho it already has) its about fake dating with a crush and never demanding that the other not fall in love (bc maybe theres hope)

Please Notice - “ Do you know how in love with you / I am / Do you see how in love with you / I am / Every thing that you do, it makes my heart stop / Oh, it stops / And baby when you sleep, do you dream of me? “

its about that hope again. its about midoriya staying up so late at night overthinking everything hes ever done and wondering if todoroki is just humoring him bc his crush on the other is just so so obvious and it feels so awful to know that hes so obvious and todoroki is just playing along and he wonders if todoroki really knows how much he loves him. its about todoroki in his own room, worrying about the same thing. its about noticing the little things about each other. its about already knowing a whole host of secrets and knowing its okay to trust themselves to the other. its about midoriya noticing everything about todoroki and detailing all his little ticks and favorite things in his notebooks and hoping that todoroki notices just as many things about him, wanting the other to feel the same depth of feelings. its about todoroki becoming more and more emotionally aware (heroes can cry too) and noticing everything about midoriya and thinking hes just cataloging everything he’d need to take down a rival but do you really need to know all of someones different smiles in order to fight them?

I See You - “ I'm alone with you / You're alone with me / And I'm hoping that you will see yourself / Like I see you / Yes, I see you “

its about mutually loving each other even in the hard times, even in the sad times. its about that sweet sweet hurt/comfort that the both of them inevitably have to have bc of the trauma each of them have faced either in their childhood or together as heroes. its about being able to see through the masks that they both have whether it be a stoic one or a smile. its about hoping that the other will see their own inherent worth past their hurting and understand why they love them. its about hoping the other will see how much they love them 

Talk Too Much - “ You know I talk too much / Honey, come put your lips on mine and shut me up / We could blame it all on human nature / Stay cool, it's just a kiss / Oh, why you gotta be so talkative? / I talk too much, we talk too much “

a cute and silly song about midoriya being overly talkative bc hes a little chatterbox and we all know that todoroki loves it but sometimes it get a little frustrating when he wants kisses instead of the fifty-third rant about all mights golden age costume design (really todo it was a brilliantly done color scheme and- and the symbolism!) and maybe sometimes even midoriya would rather be kissing than talking too

Tongue Tied - “ I loved you then and I love you now / Oh yeah / Don't take me tongue tied / Don't wave no goodbye “

kinda debated about whether or not this one fit enough to keep but its a bop so it stays. its mostly the tongue tied part of the lyrics that apply bc both the boys get a little mixed up and tongue tied when it comes to talking to each other when theyre in love and crushing hard ( mostly midoriya but todoroki too) 

When the Day Met the Night - “  When the moon fell in love with the sun / All was golden in the sky / All was golden when the day met the night “

do i really need to day more than sun and moon motif tododeku? its about izuku bringing warmth back to shoutos life and shouto being a steady gentle presence for izuku. its about izuku being able to light up a room and shouto being full of radiant grace and the two coming together as opposites in harmony 

First Day of My Life - “  Yours was the first face that I saw / I think I was blind before I met you / And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been / But I know where I want to go / And so I'd thought I'd let you know / Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow / But I realized that I need you / And I wondered if I could come home “

we’re getting into the really mushy gushy songs that make me sigh like a lovelorn maiden or something. i love this one for tododeku especially with the sports festival in mind as a sort of awakening. like shouto had only just realized what it was like to fully live for himself bc of izuku. izuku really opened up a path for him and guided him out of his misery into a brand new life full of acceptance and love. and shouto was there to return that love tenfold to izuku who hadnt really ever felt such devotion before. its about finally realizing that they can be so good together. its about wanting to come home to each other 

Home to You - “  But I see the world so different now / But there's a place by the sea and that's my town / When I don't know what to say / When I don't know what to do / There's a room I need to sit in / Surrounded by my favorite view / When I need a hand to hold / Someone to tell the truth / Would it be okay if I came home to you? “

One of my favorite ooey gooey songs about coming home and finding solace in another, which is just so perfect for tododeku. i love it when shouto feels like izuku is his home. that hes never felt like he truly belonged anywhere before he started belonging in izukus arms, holding his hand, and loving him. i feel like they would be good for settling each others doubts and fears. izuku worries that hes not good enough, that he needs to do more in whatever hes doing, that he will once again be found useless. but shouto is no nonsense enough to tell him straight that hes enough, hes wonderful, and already does so so much that its astounding and izuku cant help but to believe him. and when shouto starts to think hes like his father too much in the wrong way, starting to doubt is path in life, or thinks that his trauma makes him too difficult to deal with. but izuku is far too open and loving and shouto knows hes far too good to ever let shouto be what he fears most and izuku is there to remind him of all the good things hes done to earn that love. its about both of them being emotionally repressed in different ways and not knowing what to do or what to say but finding a way to communicate with each other anyway. 

Fall On Me - “  Fly like a cannonball straight to my soul / Tear me to pieces and make me feel whole / I'm willing to fight for it / To feel something new / To know what it's like to be sharing a space with you “

there can be a lot of challenges for the boys depending on the setting their relationship takes place in; shouto’s father always plays a role, kacchans attitude whether a constant interference or a ghost of izuku’s past, acceptance from the outside world, acceptance from friends and family, power imbalance (shoutos a prince and izukus a servant/knight/random adventurer) and a whole host of fic specific issues. this is about falling in love with each other despite them all, this is about begging each other to fall despite the dangers, this is about fighting to be together anyway. this is about finding an impossible love that shocks your soul and embracing it with all your heart.  

Grow As We Go - “  I don't know who we'll become / I can't promise it's not written in the stars / But I believe that when it's done / We're gonna see that it was better / That we grew up together / Tell me you don't wanna leave / 'Cause if change is what you need / You can change right next to me / When you're high, I'll take the lows / You can ebb and I can flow / We'll take it slow / And grow as we go “

you know some of those fics that hurt good bc mostly izuku but sometimes also shouto decide that their hero careers need to come first and that having a relationship would only interfere with that despite the fact that they love each other a lot? this is the song that plays when they realize that’s not true and come together and decide to be together anyway and that theyll be stronger for it. its about growing together as a couple as well as separately and still loving each other even through the changes. its about rising through the ranks together. learning about the world, together. and its about taking on any challenge thrown at them. together. growing, changing, loving.

Two - “  I know exactly how the rule goes / Put my mask on first / No, I don't want to talk about myself / Tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / 'Til you're good as new / And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too / Like a force to be reckoned with / A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss / I will love you with every single thing I have / Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess / Or calm waters, if that serves you best / I will love you without any strings attached “

listen listen this song is so so so good for tododeku like look at those lyrics i just wanna cry about it. its about highlighting the flaws that can happen in their relationship when theyre both trying to fix the other more than to help themselves (especially izuku like baby boy please) its about making the promise to love each other unconditionally bc neither have really had that before outside of their moms? (and shoutos sibs) love without strings attached (doesnt matter if you were quirkless, doesnt matter if youre not the number one hero, doesnt matter that youve been through so much trauma ill help you and love you anyway) both of them striving to be the best fit for the other either a tidal wave or calm waters, eaither righteous fury or gentle love and its about just being so so thankful that they love each other even through the hard times

High Hope - “  Know you're coming from a bad place / Honey, I was there just yesterday / So I know the time it's gonna take / For you to feel like you again / And I'll be here if you need me / If you don't, just know / I've got a high, high, high, high hope “

this about past trauma and shared trauma and healing both on their own and together and knowing their relationship can weather through it all. this is about izuku comforting shouto through everything about his father and his family and the feelings that dredge up when someone asks about endeavor and its about shouto helping izuku through his complicated relationship with katsuki and how he flinches when a villain says his hero name in just the wrong tone. its about izuku covering shoutos scar with kisses and its about shouto tracing his fingers along the scar tissue on izukus hands. its about being patient and waiting and helping each other through times that feel like just too much to handle. 

Talk to Me - “ You don't have to be a hero to save the world / You don't have to be a prodigy to be unique / You don't have to know what to say or what to think / You don't have to be anybody you can never be / That's alright, let it out, talk to me “

its about both of them living up to the high expectations placed on their shoulders and telling each other that theyre enough. that izuku doesnt have to be the next symbol of peace exactly like all might. that shouto doesnt have to be the number one hero exactly like his father. its about encouraging each other to talk even though their both bad at it; izuku mumbles and stutters and takes forever to get to the point and shouto takes a long time to say what hes thinking and form it all into words and sometimes he still cant find the right ones. but shouto is patient and so is izuku.  

Sunkissed - “  So slowly a sunlit dream pulls me out of sleep / Feel the morning through the blinds / I turn my head to meet your sunkissed face / In this quite place I can give you all my time “

the ooiest and gooiest and again with all the sunlight that always used as a lovely motif. izuku is always lit up like the sun and shoutos hair always catches the light just so. its about finding each other and falling into a home and comfort together and being disgustingly in love with each other. its about the comfort that comes after the hurt and being happy and being at peace with each other

I Do Adore - “ When you're near, I hide my blushing face / And trip on my shoelaces / Grace just isn't my forté / But it brings me to my knees when you say / Hello, how are you, my darling, today? / I fall into a pile on the floor / Puppy love is hard to ignore / When every little thing you do, I do adore  “

ah another cute to emphasize that both the boys are dorks and sometimes even when theyve established that they like each other they cant help but combust into blushing messes. its about how sometimes shouto still lights himself on fire when izuku has a rare bout of confidence and really zuku that was very bold and my heart cant take it and about how shouto can still shock izuku speechless with a few well timed kisses 

Pink in the Night - “  I could stare at your back all day / And I know I've kissed you before, but / I didn't do it right / Can I try again, try again, try again / Try again, and again, and again “

izukus got a nice strong back and so does shouto (theyre heroes of course they cut a nice figure) and sometimes shouto gets lost in daydreams and sometimes izuku does too and its about the soft soft kisses that neither can get enough of. its about the yearning despite finding each other bc sometimes it doesnt feel real and ya gotta kiss again and again just to make sure and honestly its a mitski song what more to you want from me

Laundry Room - “ Don't push me out / Just a little longer / Stall your mother / Disregard your father's words / Close the laundry door / Tiptoe across the floor / Keep your clothes on / I've got all that I can take / Teach me how to use / The love that people say you made “

theres just so many fics about laundry? what makes doing laundry together so intimate? sharing detergent and smelling like each others clothes? showing a part of yourself to someone else? anyway, its about love and being home with each other and wishing the love will last. its about sometimes things dont end so well and you want to turn back time and sometimes izuku leaves and sometimes shouto runs but most times one or the other comes back and it all hurts but the love again is worth it

Brand New Day - “ I'll be flicking stones at your window / I'll be waiting outside 'til you're ready to go / Won't you come down? Come away with me / Think of all the places we could be / I'll be waiting, waiting on a brand new day  “

its about running away together or just traveling the word together or going out on a journey (always together) its about izuku wanting to go to the states for hero work or about prince shouto needing to complete a quest to be free of his father and its about izuku not wanting to go without shouto and about prince shouto only loving the journey after picking up a stray green-haired adventurer. its about beginning something new together, its about ending one chapter and starting another. 

oh tha t took soooooo long . ..  anyway ! hope you enjoyed !!!

[crimeronan]

what i know about aftg through fandom osmosis: a primer on where i’m at in the beginning of this reading

neil

redhead with scarred face

i constantly mistake him for adam parrish

will sell soul for sport

jock

sad

organized crime dad maybe???? definitely murdery abusive dad

andrew

on so many drugs

just. so fucking many drugs

i don’t know why he is i think he’s just vibing

killed a bunch of people with his bare hands?? and/or a weapon??

dunno if that was before or after the drugs

antagonizing. possibly beats neil up though i am unclear on this plot point

asshole

i constantly mistake neil/andrew art for adam/noah art from trc which is from what i understand an infinitely softer ship

aaron

andrew’s identical twin brother

too hetero to live

also an asshole but like. declan lynch style maybe??

stressed 24/7 probably because of all the crime and drugs. and drug crimes. and murder

kevin

i know literally nothing about him except that he looks very haughty and annoyed about being present in all art

rich bitch gucci vibes

in an early draft apparently ended up in a triad with neil and andrew although i do not know if this is true

sad violins for the poly that could have been

(i might hate the concept when i get to know him. who knows)

women

there’s a girl whose name i can’t remember who has a quote about forgoing her principles and slitting someone open for her buddy & i remember that because sweet jesus i am a lesbian

i am also told the women aren’t super developed in canon but that the fandom is a playground of my city now relationship building which is an exciting prospect

i don’t know anything else

one is named renata?? ree? renee?? i have no idea. something that starts with r

exy

fake sport

seems lacrosse-ish maybe? always see edits that have balls in stick netty things

my theory is the author wanted a book about jocks but could not bring herself to research actual sports and sports leagues

so just made up an entirely new one

valid. highly relatable content

possibly also she couldn’t find a real sport that she could justify her main character being so into that he’s willing to risk life and limb

also valid. highly relatable content

content

one of the books is called the raven king

trashy but with some fun feelings

if u had fun with the wannabe gritty violent parts of the divergent series (i did) you’ll be into this

don’t expect anyone to act normal or say normal things or have reasonable opinions about anything

like every terrible teen drama you binged in high school except gayer and even more self indulgent

characters walk twenty miles after being knocked out with a concussion?? or something??

look i’m gonna square up with y’all i’ve seen most of teen wolf, all of pretty little liars, all of the vampire diaries, all of switched at birth (WHICH IS ACTUALLY AN INCREDIBLE AND VERY THOUGHTFUL WELL-WRITTEN SHOW but with its fair share of dumb teen drama plots), all of secret life of the american teenager, and a ton of other teen soap operas i mainlined during three-week manic episodes and can’t think of off the top of my head now. i remember very little except that i enjoyed them.  i will enjoy this

quotes

“you’re a pipe dream” i only know this one because it’s always in parallel posts with “thanks for the straight teeth then”

possibly andrew is high off his ass and thinks he’s hallucinating when he says it

possibly also he just talks like that

possibly it’s not even andrew’s quote at all and somehow i’ve mixed him up with some other sad blonde boy

[somniumoflight]

Crossover Idea #11 – My Hero Academia/Minecraft

Izuku has a Quirk that lets him transport himself back and forth between the real world and the world of Minecraft.

So, I’ve been on a Minecraft binge for a week or so at this point. I was bored and I was suddenly struck with the urge to re-watch an MC role-play series I haven’t watched in literal years, and then I started watching Game Theory’s newest Minecraft theories, and later, somewhere in the middle of building something in Creative, my brain suddenly spat out the idea of hey what if Izuku had a quirk that let him enter the MC world?  Like, you don’t need powers to be a hero there, you just need to know how to learn/craft.  This was the result of that thought spinning wildly out of control.

So, here’s the idea I’ve got in my head so far.  Somewhere around, oh, the ten-to-twelve-year range, Izuku’s getting really depressed.  The bullying he’s dealing with is worse than it was ever shown to be in canon, the teachers are even worse, and he’s just having a generally hard time.  After a particularly bad day, Izuku doesn’t feel like watching any hero vids for once, and instead looks around for some other vids to watch for something to do, and finds a Minecraft YouTuber in the process and falls in love with the game.  It basically becomes his second major obsession, and his mom gets him a copy of the game for his birthday (secretly glad that Izuku is interested in things other than Heroes now.)

When Izuku installs the game, though, and goes to make his first single-player survival world, the Quirk he never knew he had activates, and he’s dragged into the computer screen and dumped straight into the MC world – or, rather, a real world similar to the game, complete with the same game mechanics but a lot more meat to its lore and history and the creatures living in it.  This is no longer just a game, it’s a real world he can explore in all its blocky glory.  Izuku ends up surviving on his own for several Minecraft days, slightly terrified but able to hide from the mobs well enough, and when his Mom comes in to tell him dinner’s ready and finds the game apparently running on its own, she pauses it and the screen spits a shocked Izuku right back out at her.  

So yeah, Izuku’s quirk is Minecraft-based.  He, personally, thinks this is really cool, but since all he can do is jump back and forth between IRL and the world behind the screen, not even take anything with him as he comes and goes, it’s pretty useless for Hero work, and the people in his school still treat him the same because they’re stupid and prejudiced.  He retreats into MC more and more as time goes on, because after the initial scare it became hella fun to live out a life there, and its a good way to escape his normal life’s torment.  He meets Villagers, who are actual people capable of speaking and being friendly to newcomers and stuff, and makes a few friends in the first village he finds.  He explores a LOT, and encounters Illagers as well as normal unfriendly mobs.  He starts learning how to sword-fight, because clearly he needs to lessons after that encounter with Illagers.  He starts getting more and more invested in the MC world, but is conflicted about it, because he still has dreams of being a Pro-Hero.

Then Izuku meets All Might, and has his dreams crushed.  He doesn’t get a chance to impress All Might by saving Bakugou, because instead of sticking around he just goes straight home immediately to dip back into the MC world, as its his go-to-comfort at this point.  At that point, his Villager friends help him finally figure out that his world really isn’t a good place for him – and so he talks to his mom, and they make a deal.  If Izuku can’t find something he feels is worth sticking around in their world for (other than his mom, of course) by the time he finishes high school, Inko’s okay with him basically moving into the Minecraft world full-time if it will make him happy.

So, while Class 1-A at Yuuei gets into villain-related disasters and misadventures, Izuku’s having his own misadventures, both in the MC world and his non-Yuuei high school.  In the high school, he’s mostly trying to find something he wants to do with his life that isn’t Hero-related, and trying to make new friends.  In the MC world, though, he’s helping his Villager friends and getting into misadventures that would probably make class 1-A balk, even while slowly building up that world into something magnificent without realizing that he’s sorta become a hero in his own right.

Details for this Crossover include:

Izuku’s quirk basically works by taking him through the screen into whatever Minecraft world he previously logged into.  This does work on servers, btw, though Izuku avoids almost everything to do with PVP once he figures out that shit hurts for real and leaves him with injuries irl.

He mostly prefers to stick to his first survival world as a result, or to do stuff in creative in a different world.  He may or may not sometimes dive into multiplayer servers, though, mostly minigame servers, and in the process accidentally make friends with some of the regulars there.  (He also may or may not sometimes encounter the Minecraft-playing Class 1-A members and the occasional villain from the League that way, not that he realizes it until Bakugou of all people turns up and one of the villains, Toga, tells him cheerfully who she is.)

Izuku gets turned into a blocky version of himself while in MC, mostly because Izuku’s freak-out about turning into an MC player character would be fun to write, but also because there’s no way that the Illagers wouldn’t do something to him if he was walking around as a normal human AND as a Player.  See MatPat’s vids about them, and assume the Illagers are up to that kind of shady shit.

At first Izuku just explores the world and wanders between villages once he finds them, helping people out (he’s useful!  He’s not useless here!)  Up until All Might crushes his dreams, though, that’s p much all he’s doing.  He’ll, like, fight off mobs and save villagers, and make friends in the process, but his mind’s still set on being a hero while MC is… possibly a way to go about being one?

He makes friends with several Villager children/teenager equivalents in the process, and this friendship with them makes it clear to him that his “friendship” with Bakugou is pretty fucked up.  It takes a while, but he gets there eventually!

When his dreams of being a hero are crushed and he doesn’t get One for All, Izuku ends up spending more and more time in MC when not in school or working on school stuff, because the “real” world just doesn’t seem like a good place for him.  He starts helping the villagers fortify their villages against mobs and Illagers, helps traveling merchants, and starts learning more about the history of this world in the process.

After an incident in his new school leads to him begging his mom to let him be homeschooled or do stuff online, he starts getting more ambitious.  He starts building cities for the slowly growing Villager population of the world, fighting off hordes of mobs, exploring ancient ruins Indiana-Jones-style, and starts helping the Villagers deal with the Illager threat for good.

He goes on that whole “defeat the enderdragon” quest and may or may not end up hatching a baby ender dragon as a pet by complete accident.  (I like the dragon rider mod in MC ok, and come on, Izuku’s slowly turning into an MC badass, he NEEDS a pet dragon like I need to breathe.)

… He also may or may not encounter a very unusual stranger in the wilderness, one that almost looks like another human, who helps him out during this time.  (He SAYS he’s Steve, but there’s something a little off about him, and he’s not too keen on interacting with other people for some reason?  And doesn’t seem to understand them all that well?  And seems to like acting like a bad guy, to an extent?  Izuku clues onto the fact there’s something p weird about him soon after meeting him.  But hey, he’s not going to judge, and isolation can really mess with your head, right?  He read that somewhere.)

… Steve may or may not be possessed.  By someone who is supposed to look very similar to him. (Wink wink.)  Who may or may not be intrigued by Izuku when he first meets the kid, because this kid is clearly incredibly smart, and he’s bored and kinda wants to see what this kid will grow into before he tries messing with him.

Izuku catches onto these shenanigans eventually, but the person that Steve may or may not be possessed by is trying to be subtle, and Izuku can be kinda oblivious sometimes (not to mention he’s always been interested in playing Minecraft and has read about Herobrine’s lore like, once, and since “Steve” never has white eyes he never really figures it out.)  He DOES catch onto his pseudo-villainous attitude and general dislike of “Players” though, and is suitably wary of him as a result.

… Izuku may or may not also figure out that at least part of the villainous attitude is because H just doesn’t understand people in general.  The dude’s a former computer virus who got into Minecraft and accidentally became a part of it.  There’s no way he knows about emotions in the same way that humans/villagers do.

Years pass in the game very quickly (I mean, dude, one Minecraft month is like, 10 hours.  The days are 20 minutes long, he’s in there for a VERY LONG TIME) and Izuku’s basically considered a hero by the villagers, something which makes him very happy because hey, it’s almost like he’s fulfilled his original dream, even if it’s not in a way he would have expected.  He’s also got some p good friends in other servers he dives into sometimes after visiting his mom, and of course, the H-possessed Steve who pops up sometimes. (His relationship with HIM is complicated.  Like, almost as complicated as his relationship with Bakugou was before he graduated into full-on bullyhood.  He considers the guy a tentative friend, though.)

Then a new patch comes out, complete with a “Removed Herobrine” line in the text, and things go to shit, because the MC game can affect the real MC world to an extent, but H is kinda there for good.  And he’s sick and tired of having his code/existence torn apart with every update, and oh would you look at that, there’s a player he can take the blame out on right there, along with entire cities of his villager friends.  

Cue a sudden war as the mobs in the world go crazy under his influence, and Izuku and his villager friends are suddenly in for a fight for their lives.  It’s practically a full-blown war, and it may or may not follow him to a server he retreats to to try to get some advice from his online friends (friendly reminder that at least a couple of them are Heroes or Hero students, and at least one of them is probably a villain.  He’s got a wide range of advice.)

Izuku does eventually figure out that at least part of the problem is that Herobrine is sick of being removed, and makes a deal with the guy – if he leaves people alone, then Izuku will find a way to contact the game developers and force them to stop removing him from the game.  H doesn’t accept this at first – but then Izuku leaves the game long enough to talk to his mom, and send the MC game developers an email explaining his quirk, and what’s going on, and can they please stop removing Herobrine from the game, even as a joke?  It’s hurting him every time they do this and he’s trying to take it out on Izuku and his friends.

… This actually works, to Izuku’s shock.  The game developers contact him about this whole thing for more details a couple IRL days later, and though they’re extremely uncomfortable with the fact that Herobrine exists, they’re also decent enough people that they don’t actually want to hurt someone, even if that someone is digital and only able to be talked to through Izuku’s quirk.

(Izuku tells H this the next time he sees the dude, and what the fuck, Herobrine wasn’t expecting the kid to be SERIOUS about this. He may or may not calm down a bit after that, and stop warring against Izuku and Co. though his relationship with the kid stays very firmly in the “complicated” category.)

This event, however, leads Izuku to realize that hey, the “real world” can still affect MC even if he lives there full-time, so he should probably stay in the real world so he can keep an eye out on the developers.  After all, he can still visit his friends in MC.

… may or may not include bonus content after the main story where Izuku starts recording what he does in MC for other people to see. Not sure.  But I kinda like the idea, so it might be a thing, just a post-canon thing.  It would also probably be excessively shenanigan-y, by complete accident, because it would be funny (and I DID say Izuku’s relationship w/ Herobrine would be complicated, right.  Yup, I did.  Couple of times.  Well, that’s VERY IMPORTANT okay.)

[hayesit]

matt’s 2019 year in review

here it is! and it’s late because i had other/better things to do (and procrastinating), was recovering from hangovers (also procrastinating), and recovering from being sick (procrastinating).

i’ve been doing these year in review posts since 2016, so here is my fourth installment. every year i look back through my google calendar, my camera roll, and my bullet journal as a gratitude exercise and to chart my own development as an adult. 

here is my spotify wrapped 2019!

the beginning of this year was off to a good start: i met two friends that i know through the internet! i met my friend riley when she visited boston (i met her through a mutual friend and through overwatch league twitter) and my friend jimmy that i’ve known for…. 6 or 7 years (?!) through tumblr and designed the logo for me and alex’s late podcast, hardly tea, may she rest in peace. 

i moved dorm rooms in between the fall and spring semester, and once again i was not happy with where i lived. i lived with 4 rando’s that i was placed with and the 5 of us barely even talked with each other. my direct roommate i saw for only two weeks, and for the nights he slept over in the bed (that he was paying room and board for) and had the worst snoring humanly possible that not even earplugs could kill (video below). i hardly slept while he was there and roamed the halls of riverview suites like a ghost due to the anxiety i felt about my lack of sleep (we love a vicious circle)! he disappeared after those two weeks without notice and i lived in fear of him returning for the rest of the semester (which he didn’t), but returned to my normal sleep schedule. 

that semester was my first semester of full-time grad school. i got a poor grade on an assignment that had a note from the professor that said she knew i could do better and it hit me how much different grad school is from undergrad and how much more effort and dedication it requires. after crying in my professor’s office, my work ethic has improved since then, but it’s not anywhere near where i’d like it to be (more on that later). 

now to more positive things for the spring semester: i met some friends that semester both ~on and offline~ that made the semester far more bearable AND i did however truly pop off in every last one of my powerpoint presentations for class. i looooove making powerpoints and just fuckin telling jokes about my research topic and have ppl tell me that they are looking forward to my presentation & that i should teach college classes :)!

me and 4 friends had a social group in which we’d drink and play board games and forget about the board game and drunkenly talk shit called cabam after all our first initials! i always looked forward to that and dug the group chemistry a lot.

during this semester i grew a   “ beard “, otherwise known as i chose not to shave just to  “ see what would happen “ (praythatitfilledin). sorry about that!

the overwatch league was something that i had to look forward to watch every week and i had my experience enhanced through sideshow and avast’s unofficial companion streams, which guaranteed lots of laughs. i have bought tickets to two boston home games in 2020 which i am very excited about! analysts have predicted boston to be in 20th place this year (there are 20 teams) but i’m still excited for the 2020 season anyway!!

i can’t have a year-in-review of 2019 without mentioning game of thrones. due to the show’s final season being undeniably weak, i enjoyed the camaraderie with the other people that watched thrones during those six weeks. i haven’t thought about the show or its universe for quite a while, unfortunately. i truly was quite into the world of westeros, but the weakness of the end of the story cheapened the journey of each of the characters, in a way. such a shame.

while i got my diploma in december 2018, i walked across the stage of umass lowell’s tsongas arena with my bachelor of arts in psychology (and minor in theatre arts). it wasn’t as emotional or triumphant of an experience and just felt weird, considering i had already gotten my diploma and was going to remain in the clutches of rowdy the riverhawk as i am staying for my masters degree in applied behavior analysis/autism studies. i brought a ceramic monkey to graduation. it didn’t have any symbolism, but i just wanted to see if they’d stop me (which they didn’t)

 this summer was better than most summers of mine go, i hung out with alex nearly every weekend, got my very first iphone, and got a data plan. the combination of these three things got me back into playing pokemon go, an unexpectedly fun pastime! went on lots of walks!

my favorite day of summer was going to a lake with alex and our friend gianna, who i grew closer to after meeting her during macbeth last year. fond 2019 memories with gianna include: doing simulation patients with her, watching movies with her and alex, and the halloween party. what a great gd person and a great gd friend! big fan and eternally rooting for her. 

fire emblem: three houses came out on the switch in august and is, without a doubt, my game of the year. there’s truly so much to love about the game: the world, the characters, new changes made to the series, things that were gone but returned, interesting micromanaging, and best of all, how huge my brain feels when playing it. 

i got a 6-week summer job as a paraprofessional at an extended-school-year program for children with developmental disabilities at a preschool in haverhill which taught me a lot of lessons, such as: i hate cleaning shit off of children.

then i had feelings that didn’t make much sense for about a month! whoops!

my full-time job i currently have is working at my old high school as a behavior specialist. i provide consultation and work on programs to lead to more appropriate behavior in students, primarily ones with developmental disabilities. so far it’s been fairly rewarding, some days are more challenging than others, some days are a lot of sitting in meetings, and some days are a lot of running around. some days there is not much to do at all, which has its obvious upsides and downsides. working at the high school isn’t something that i want to do forever, but it’s a good place to start with. i’m definitely learning a lot and there are a lot of benefits to working here. sometimes i can work on my grad school work (which is all online until the 2020 summer semester) which is definitely huge. and my commute is either a 15 minute walk or 3 minutes if my mom drives me! 

a ~complex~ thing about working in my hometown is that it makes the most financial sense to live at home because it’s so close to work. this is my first time living at home full-time since high school and i’m not enjoying that part too much. most weekends i visit alex in lowell, but being stuck at home with no car (going to retake the license test in the spring when the ice melts!) and having to go to bed so early definitely hurts. sure, i have what is likely the lowest amount of expenses i’ll ever have in my life (no car-related payments, no rent, no groceries), but i feel landlocked. i feel like a teenager with minimal freedom, which is in part because my mom doesn’t quite understand yet that i’m a 22 year-old that should have a lot more freedom than i do now. the most i really do on weekdays after work gets out (2:30p) is go to savers with my mom if it’s tuesday (senior citizen day), maybe go for a walk if it’s nice out (which for most of the school year, it isn’t), or be on the computer watching bon appetit videos and playing overwatch, fire emblem, or pokemon, eat a bland dinner at 6, go to bed at around 9:30. sad! truly not a situation that i want to be trapped in that much that much longer!

i think the best and most important part of this year was becoming closer with alex. as i mentioned before, we see each other most weekends, to our great benefit. our living situations have flip-flopped, with me living at home and alex living in an apartment near campus, which in both similar and different ways have taken their respective tolls on us. having each other while going through changes and stagnations in our lives has been immeasurably important. thank you alex for providing a place to be myself other than my own head. thank you for being my best friend. 

now i come to the thing that i’m most excited about for 2020. not 2 suck my own horn but i have cobbled together a fuckin dream team of five friends (me, alex, chris, kelly, and molly). the two times we have all gotten together it has been so satisfying in such a wonderful and otherworldly way that i am filled to the brim of happiness being around them. the craziest thing is that i met chris and kelly through twitter! TWITTER. and they’re real-ass people and my real-ass friends! i haven’t been so pleased with something in my life like this for so long and it feels so good to have adult friends that i have chosen rather than friends by circumstance. it’s truly a crime that we can’t see each other more often, but we already have a day picked out for the next time we all do something together. feeling emotional writing this paragraph bc i love me gd friends so much!

there is a lot of uncertainty about this new year for me. i sure as fuck don’t want to live at home more than i have to but don’t know where to go, my practicum class starts for me this summer which means i’ll most likely have to change jobs (fine by me, but will be exhausting), i recently began my search for therapists and hope to find one soon to help me ~unpack things~, my thesis begins in the fall semester and i don’t know what to do for it, and i’m not 100% dead-set on working in special education. it’s been hard transitioning from living on campus and going to school full-time to the life i have now. 

[adrianodiprato]

+ "They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary." John Keating | Dead Poets Society (1989)

Thank you, Mr Keating

During the coronavirus I have found myself doing more reading and also connecting more with film’s that have motivated me to abandon binary thinking and be open to new perspectives. One such film has been Peter Weir’s seminal Dead Poets Society. A new English teacher, John Keating, played by the late Robin Williams, is introduced to an all-boys preparatory school that is known for its ancient traditions and high standards. He uses unconventional methods to reach out to his students, who face enormous pressures from their parents, the school and the entire society. It is a story that affects me about the qualities of inspiration itself: the possibility for our passions to move and motivate people around us to enact a new normal.

In recent days, transformation for our time, to a new normal, has been brought on by things beyond our control. The coronavirus crisis has changed our world. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would ever have to deliver an entire school’s curriculum remotely, from the home campus. We now need to embrace the fact the world has changed. Our well-loved stories – our words, our ways, our practices and processes - are suddenly expressions of what used to be, not what is, far less what will be.

In today’s new world, we are all required to continually learn, unlearn and relearn. And it is our teachers that have seized the day in this regard, much like what the character Mr Keating, in Dead Poets Society, advocated for with his students. The coronavirus crisis has provided an opportunity for our remarkable teachers to shine, to show that they can ensure that students stay connected and engaged with their learning and wellbeing, in a time of great uncertainty and for some, chaos. Principal of Strathcona Girls Grammar in Melbourne, Marise McConaghy recently wrote this in her opinion piece for The Sydney Morning Herald, “Giving teachers the agency to adapt and apply creativity in delivering lessons to students has been a masterclass in what it means to be agile in the 21st Century. In no time at all, teachers have dramatically pivoted the way they conduct their work and deliver learning to children.” McConaghy goes on to highlight the profoundness of strong relationships in school communities and dismisses the long-held misconception that emerging technologies has made younger generations socially distant, stating “…many of our students have checked in with their teachers to ask about their wellbeing and offer support. Certainly, it is our job as educators to pastorally care for our students, and for school leaders to check in on staff for the same reasons, but how beautiful it is that our students think to do this for their teachers. Teenagers are, after all, not as self-obsessed as they sometimes are made out to be.”

Schooling as we once knew it is officially over. And the misguided application on standardisation, a feature of the once heralded and, now, outdated industrial model of schooling, with its over emphasis on testing, league tables and pitting students against one another, has come crashing down under the weight of coronavirus. Because of this global pandemic the exciting precipice of doing schooling differently just came into sharp focus. Founder of Unfold Learning Willian Rankin recently wrote that the future of education must be about generating whole, competent, humane citizens. “What the world needs moving forward — and this is especially clear as the novel Corona virus burns off what’s irrelevant — is people who can apply information to meaningful contexts to create serviceable knowledge and solutions (creating knowledge) and people who can enculturate knowledge to produce culturally relevant contexts and wisdom around that knowledge (creating wisdom). Unlike processing data and information, these are profoundly human enterprises, tasks where machines have no fluency. Lamentably, many in modern education consider it too difficult, messy, and subjective to show that students are more considerate, compassionate, mature, collaborative, or humane when they finish our courses. It’s so much easier to show that scores on a particular test rose by 3.6% year over year, that 14% more students successfully completed a course, or that failing grades declined by 6% in a given cohort. The current system settles for this easy information, despite the fact that it’s functionally meaningless.” And “We can beat the wasteful swords of linear consumption and instructionism into the generative and regenerative plowshares of creation and constructionism. We can abandon education for learning.”

Swiss-based futurist Gerd Leonhard believes the biggest trends to have emerged from a world dealing with a pandemic, economies in crisis and many citizens in lockdown are:

Increased global collaboration

A widespread adoption of remote work practices, from home offices to Zoom meetings

Travel bans and an acceptance of remote working crippling the travel industry

The use of technology for remote work accelerating the digital economy

Education is not immune to such far-reaching disruption that Leonhard speaks of. The industrial model of education was designed to ensure factory workers were punctual, docile and above all compliant. The concept of a teacher standing in front of a room full of students who listen and respond to direction is increasingly a thing of the past.

The only people that appear to have been blindsided by the phenomenon of a new normal in schooling and learning, during the pandemic, are some conventional school leaders and conservative governments fixated on holding on to a broken learning paradigm. The OECD’s 2018 TALIS Insights and Interpretations report stated, “The real obstacle to education reform is often not conservative followers but conservative leaders who stick to today’s curriculum rather than adapt pedagogical practice to a changing world, because it is so much easier to stay within everybody’s comfort zone...” (page 57).

John Keating, in Dead Poets Society, said this during one scene, as he stood on his desk, "Why do I stand up here? Anybody? I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way." The end of the industrial model of education is a remarkable opportunity for a bold rethink to finally move to a new normal, a different way. A new learning paradigm that allows for experiences that are a blend of on campus, online, in context and in country, all becoming part of the fabric of this new normal.

Andreas Schleicher, the Director for Education and Skills, and Special Advisor on Education Policy to the Secretary-General at the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) recently shared his perspective on the coronavirus crisis via an interview with hundrED, “…education is no longer just about teaching students something, but about helping them develop a reliable compass and the tools to navigate with confidence through an increasingly complex, volatile and uncertain world.”

So, imagine if students have more opportunities to learn at different times in different places. With anytime, anywhere learning becoming the new normal for our students. Where online tools facilitate opportunities for a more highly personalised learning experience of individually targeted stretch and challenge tasks. One that is self-paced, self-determined and incorporates relevant and real-world inquiry-based learning. Resulting in all classrooms being flipped, meaning the knowledge and skills part is learned outside the classroom, at home. Where on campus class time becomes one of deep collaboration, teamwork and the practical application or transfer of knowledge and understanding, of real-life issues. Where taking tests will be replaced by students’ growth and achievement through creative and collaboration projects to problem solve these difficult real-world questions.

So, imagine if teachers assume the crucial role of learning designer and mentor. Becoming the central facilitator in the jungle of information that our students will be navigating their way through. Assisting each young person with developing their independence and agency, academic competence and confidence skills, as well as the development of learning goals, interests and future directions. Supporting each young person through obtaining growth around agility and adaptability in our collective quest to foster their personal resilience and overall mental and physical wellness. Therefore, making a significant emphasis on social and emotional competency central to all learning and interactions. With on campus, in context and/or in country curricular activities such as competitive sports, music, visual arts, language and cultural immersions, play and even cooking as accelerators for quicker social and emotional skills and global competency attainment.

So, imagine if in an online environment, with access to unlimited information, the focus on memorising things loses its meaning, and is replaced by the need to know how to select and use the information appropriate to each context. Where there is a universal step away from control, compliance and human “data” collection and we give permission to our highly able and innovative teachers the freedom to shape curricular, in partnership with students, to suit the needs and interests of all learners.

So, imagine if all school leaders had the courage to lead. Where all school leaders join the ranks of those that already have the courage to lead through this crisis, not simply manage a response. Expecting the expected, what was once “normal”, is simply not adapting to the global reality of our times. Where all school leaders accept that they need to manage the present but remain focused also to plan for a new normal for 2021 and beyond. And where all school leaders accept that perhaps, just perhaps, this is your crucible moment.

Paul Reville, the Francis Keppel Professor of Practice of Educational Policy and Administration at Harvard Graduate School of Education recently stated, “In this situation [covid-19], we don’t simply want to frantically struggle to restore the status quo because the status quo wasn’t operating at an effective level and certainly wasn’t serving all of our children fairly.”

Carpe Diem is a most commonly remembered line from Dead Poets Society, alongside “Oh Captain! My Captain!”. Explaining to his students that their lives are fleeting, John Keating implores them to seize the day, to make their lives count, to leave a legacy of “carpe diem.” This stirring call to ‘seize the day’ endures. John Keating, yet another example of a remarkable teacher, tries to encourage his students to break free from the norm, go against the status quo and live life abundantly. Much like the John Keating character, perhaps I’m simply agitating all school leaders to contemplate life and therefore learning, from a different way. And much like the films core theme, my hope is that all school leaders, and conservative governments for that matter, choose courage over comfort, are simply bold and brave to doing schooling differently.

I’ll leave you with this final quote from Dead Poets Society, "Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"

Ultimately, it is in how we define responsibility and learning, for their future. So, the big question for all school leaders is – When you had the opportunity did you choose courage over comfort or were you resigned to quiet desperation?

In order to make their lives extraordinary, for the young people in our care, I choose courage over comfort. Thank you for today’s lesson, Mr Keating.

[uozlulu]

Not sure how long Viz had this offer up but I’ve got until tomorrow to read all of this for free so here we go~

BnHA/MHA chapters 122 – 162 reaction and spoilers. I also eluded to some Black Clover manga spoilers but I tried to be vague about it. I also mentioned One Piece once but nothing actually spoilers I don't think

I sorted everything by chapter under the read more cut

Chapter 122

This chapter appears to pick up towards the end of season three. Present Mic being hyped to teach the kids still gives me life

If Hound Dog loves soccer does he play it like a guy or like a dog or does it like all depend on his mood?

Chapter 123

Must be awkward knowing you’ve seen your senpai naked on national TV

lol “His [Mirio’s] face is a good one. Easy to draw.”

Chapter 125

I like that Overhaul is kind of a look at what Crazy Diamond could be if it was wielded by a proper villain and not just some chaotic teenager

Chapter 126

Yagi’s got some solid reasons for not being on board with this whole let’s send the sixteen-year-olds to war idea, but it also cracks me up we’re getting peanut gallery commentary from the other teachers in the teachers’ office in the background of the panels.

lol “Three, it’d be awkward for me” but also another solid reason

”..you’ve got to make him smile” “He’s got a lot of respect for humor” something something King Kai

Tickle Hell. Why WHY are you like this, Horokoshi?

Of course Sir Nighteye’s a Capricorn. Of course he is.

Chapter 131

Let’s be perfectly honest here, with Yagi’s body the way it is, an early death is inevitable. The gruesome part though makes me curious how an upcoming event in the manga is going to pass and if maybe that will be when Sir Nighteye’s foresight will come to pass. It would also make sense since the manga feels currently (in the 240’s) like it’s about to shift and evolve as a story, like a potential half way point is looming

Also, this chapter lends insight into why Midoriya is telling us this story as a narrator. Given whatever’s about to happen it makes sense that he would want to lay everything out to the next successor of One for All. It only strengthens my theory that the end of the manga is Midoriya looking at the reader and offering us a chance to become his successor in some manner.

Chapter 132

Tamaki’s quirk is basically you are what you eat. I’m screaming. lol

Chisaki’s plan kind of reminds me how in a way Black Clover and BnHA are tackling some similar questions and themes. There’s a hierarchy that’s existed for generations and there are people who want to upend it. However a key difference is Asta is a driving force for changing the system, which he begins to understand more and more as he goes along, which is I think why we’re starting to see a shift in narrative with the story’s current arc. Meanwhile, Midoriya is trying to preserve the current hierarchy, which while being questioned by the villains, is not really questioned by the heroes (at least not yet). It’s interesting to watch the similarities and differences in Tabata and Horokoshi’s approaches to questioning and challenging concepts like tradition, system, structure, and inequality.

I already know what Eri’s power does and how she’s basically the X-Men mutation cure plot point, so that actually kind of helps here I think. Thank goodness Kirishima’s quirk is basically a defense against needles (that must have been a pain at the doctor’s office for all adults involved as a kid)

Chapter 135

I love Tamaki ngl

Chapter 136

Even though they’re being more blatant in this chapter, I do like that once it’s revealed that Sir Nighteye saw how Yagi will die, it’s part of the motivation for why he does some of what he does like being on the fence at first with Midoriya in terms of acceptance, calling Midoriya’s desire to want to do more for Eri when he met her arrogance, trying to play things as safe as possible, etc…etc… and now he’s reluctant to use his quirk and it all comes back to foreseeing his good friend/mentor/hero’s death even if it’s been six years since

I like that Aizawa is taking the track of basically he knows Midoriya is a hero of a Jump manga so they might as well work together on this because he already knows Midoriya will just run off and try to solve this problem since it’s personal for him. I also kind of hope letting Aizawa help is part of the track the narrative takes because I think actually Midoriya could learn a lot from observing Aisawa up close in a non-school setting about patience, strategy, and timing as well. It might even help Midoriya with his quirk problems.

Chapter 137

Actually enlisting Kirishima, Uraraka, Asui, and Midoriya to help retrieve Eri is probably a good idea considering what the kids were able to do when it was time to rescue Bakugou a while back. While it isn’t ideal asking sixteen-year-olds to take on responsibilities of adults, this is a task this group of kids has shown they are well suited to. Even Asui who was not a direct participant in the rescue but could size up the situation for what it was and make sure the adults knew what was about it happen. Knowing when to go for help is as important as being a helper. The group can benefit from her maturity.

I like that Nejire is using her hair as a scarf

Chapter 138

Gung Ho! Pretty Yure 10! Sure sounds like a play on Futari wa Pretty Cure

Chapter 139

I wonder if Mirio had to get in contact with someone whose quirk increased hair growth so they could get enough hair to make that fabric.

Chapter 141

I can’t wait to see Tamaki’s quirk animated. I want to see this kraken thing in all its glory

I like how in the story about why the underlings joined Hassaikai it continues the theme of how there’s so much wrong with the structure of the world. Like these guys, just like a few others from season three, found themselves sliding down the hierarchy until they were on the streets and at the bottom. Then comes Chisaki who gives them what the hero and common world won’t provide. Of course they will be loyal to him. It also illustrates why Tamaki can’t understand it. It’s not brain washing, Chisaki saved them from the streets in a society that doesn’t care once you hit rock bottom. It reminds me of that guy who could copy himself last season who didn’t realize he was damaging himself mentally in the process until he created an irreversible mental illness. The heroes would want nothing to do with that and so he had no logical place to go but villainy. The way the villains are going about fixing the situation is of course villainous, but I like that the narrative keeps showing us that the villains do have appoint, that their society is indeed broken and in need of some kind of repair. It’ll be interesting to see if the story gets to a point in which the heroes in turn begin to realize this. Or perhaps they won’t be able to realize it until the tables turn since they’re on the top of the hierarchy and don’t really analyze what’s in the shadows. It’s like I was saying a few chapters ago. While Midoriya, like Asta in Black Clover starts out as an outsider who wishes he could be on the inside, Midoriya as he becomes an insider, loses some of that outside perspective while Asta retains it. Even after meeting Endeavor and learning of his hidden villany, Midoriya doesn’t really question if other Endeavors exist in the hero world and the narrative doesn’t really go there either whereas in Black Clover there’s a constant theme of the nobility having a lot of problems and while some are starting to come around, there’s always another asshole to uncover, to challenge. One Piece does this too. There’s the Celestial Dragons and the Marines and once one problematic person gets their just deserts five more show up, but One Piece always tries to kill the evil dream rather than the bad guy for the most part and try to have them learn something if possible, and show that growth and change in society is a multi-level, multi-person effort. Anyway, it’s interesting how these manga all kind of tackle similar things in different ways and this is getting to be too big of a bullet point, but I should expand on this thought sometime properly.

Chapter 142

I think it’s interesting when we run into linguistic nuance in this series. Like for example the yakuza guys from the previous boss’ era clarifying that there are villains that have come into their yakuza group since Chisaki took over and started using the name Overhaul. Even though yakuza do bad things, there’s a distinction, at least to them, between themselves and villains.

Chapter 151

Honestly I would be the threat of STDs and STIs would put Chisaki off sex entirely come to think of it

Chapter 158

The thing is even if you destroy the quirk factor humans will still find yet another hierarchy to create. It’s what we do.

Chapter 159

Then again now that we’ve proven that Sir Nighteye’s quirk can be wrong (which honestly makes sense since the future should be fluid like time) then maybe I was wrong earlier in thinking that Yagi might just die coming up here sooner than later. Though I do know he will eventually die. Because he’s the mentor and because he’s probably like 50 years old anyway so by the time Midoriya gets to a point in which he’s passing on One for All, it’s probably unlikely that Yagi’s still living. Unless I’m wrong about that too and the manga isn’t ending on Midoriya telling his successor enough information to make an informed decision of course.

Chapter 160

Oh good. Spinner learned how to drive from video games.

Honestly surprised Chisaki didn’t consider the fact that when he talked about getting rid of all quirks he was basically threatening the League of Villains with possibly the biggest possible threat out there so of course Tomura was going to neutralize him instead of make him some kind of weirdo martyr.

Chapter 161

I love how Rock Lock’s baby has such a Rock Lock expression their face

Chapter 162

Mirio mentions being the “final hero” and it makes me wonder since Yagi gave Midoriya his quirk instead of Mirio if perhaps that shifted things so Midoriya will be this final hero. Or perhaps Final Hero is idek Mirio’s eventually vigilante name or something. Lots of options

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

There was a girl, and I accidentally fell in love Chapter 1: It was summer when I saw your face, looked like a teenage runaway

You know how sometimes in the movies the first scene is the climax, and then the protagonist goes “To explain how all of this happened, I’ll have to take you back a few months, back to where Blah-and-blah did bleh-and-bleh, and consequently, I’m here”?  

Well, here I am, up on stage on Prom night, in front of a huge crowd of students, holding the hugest Teddy Bear in my right hand, an extremely colorful bouquet of flowers in my left, and just about to start declaring my undying love for the prettiest girl in the world, and I bet you’re wondering how I ended up like this.

Would you believe me if I told you it wasn’t my fault?

Probably not. You shouldn’t, that is. A lot of this story happened because I was an idiot, an insensitive idiot, a stupid insensitive idiot, and other unflattering descriptions of me that you will probably hear from my friends’ mouths. But I will say this: it did not start with me. I was not responsible for kicking over the first domino that resulted in this clusterfuck of lives in National City High crashing down on top of each other. That person, was Lex.

See, the thing is, despite all of it, I still love him. He’s my brother, no matter how much of an asshole he is. He likes starting fires and he can be terribly mean, but he’s always been sweet to me. He is the closest thing I have to a loving home, seeing as my real one consists of a Basilisk for a mother, and a ghost for a father. He’s the reason I am up at the very top of the food chain at school. His Jock-reputation carried over to me, and made it easier for me to not only survive, but thrive. I am Lena Luthor, sister of Lex Luthor, and life, is easy for me. I wouldn’t go as far as claiming that people threw flowers at my feet when I walked down the corridors, or that they bowed whenever I passed by, but it is true that I was untouchable. Even the fact that I was a lesbian didn’t get me any bullying. One stare from Lex and his huge biceps was enough to stop any in its tracks.

All in all, Lex is a pretty good brother. The only character flaw he possibly has is his utter loathing of Clark Kent.

That brings us to Clark Kent. Charming nerd. The best actor in our school. Voted Student with the most beautiful eyes in the world two years in a row. Falls in the category of Not Exactly Popular but Everyone Lowkey Likes Him. And the arch-enemy of Lex Luthor.

Nobody knows how it started. Rumor has it Clark once made the winning catch in their Little League team, and Lex hated him getting the attention. Rumor also has it that it started when Clark got to play Superman in the school play, back in fifth grade, winning the part from Lex, who had been harboring dreams of playing a superhero since, well, forever. People say a lot of things, but nobody knows exactly why they hated each other so much, me included. Every time I’d ask Lex about it, he’d smirk it off, and distract me with something else, and after a while, I gave up on asking, and accepted it as one of the enigmas of National City High.

Either way, that was the relevant bit of backstory that was needed for you to understand this entire sordid tale of romance. It all started when Lex Luthor opened his mouth, during lunch, and asked who the girl trailing behind Clark was.

Imagine the scene. It’s lunch. There’s a lot of people milling about, eating. People talk about the classes they have attended, the classes they have yet to attend, the teachers who made an idiot out of themselves and the ones who made idiots of the students. I was sitting at the table with the most Popularity per square area in the cafeteria, with my brother at my side, Sam sitting in front of me, juggling two apples, while Jack sat next to her, frantically completing his AP Math homework. Half of the football team players with their cheerleader girlfriends filled up the rest of the chairs

“Look at them,” Lex mused, biting thoughtfully at a Tater Tot “High School hierarchy in action. The geeks sit with the geeks, talking about Star Trek or Dungeons and Dragons or whatever the fuck they’re on these days.”

Settlers of Catan, I thought, but keep my mouth shut.

“There are the less-popular cheerleaders, the AV club nightmare freaks, the Glee club rapping like idiots, and there he is, the King of the assholes himself.”

I looked up to see Clark Kent walked into the room, and five of his fan girls trail behind him, swooning and giggling. I rolled my eyes at them, but I had to admit, I did see the appeal. He had that Lord of the Nerds thing going on, with his glasses and a pen tucked into his perfectly ironed shirt, and every straight girl in the college had, at least once in their life, been charmed by his smile. But that wasn’t what was bugging Lex today.

“Who is that?” he nudged my side, bringing me back from where I had been staring into space.

“Who?”

“That girl, behind Kent,” he told me, impatiently.

I saw Alex Danvers, stomping past all the annoying girls, looking as though she was just about one hair away from ripping everyone in her immediate vicinity apart.

“That’s Alex, dude,” Sam told Lex before I could open my mouth.

“No, you idiot,” he muttered. He took my head between both his hands, and physically turned it “Look. There.”

It took me a minute, and then I saw her.

You know those movies where guys see the girl, and it’s like a light bulb goes off in their heads, or violins start playing in the background, and the world slows down? It definitely didn’t happen for me. She was pretty. Blonde hair, tied up in a ponytail, large glasses over her face, and a humongous pile of books in her hands, she did the opposite of stand out.  She seemed to be in deep thought, and as we watched, tapped Alex’s shoulder to tell her something.

“That’s Kara,” Jack spoke up, suddenly, and all three of us turned to him “She’s in AP English with me. She’s Alex’s sister.”

“Since when does Alex Danvers have a sister?” Lex asked.

“Since her parents adopted Kara,” he said, then sighed at our dumbfounded faces “It’s like none of you have any idea what’s up.”

“Start. Speaking. Now,” Lex growled at him.

“So she is Clark’s cousin, and she’s apparently very tight with him, because her parents, the Danvers’ and the Clarks were really close. Her parents got into a car accident when she was young, and she’s been brought up by the Danvers ever since, and she was studying in some private school until now. She just transferred here.”

“How did we not know Alex had an adopted sister?” I wondered aloud.

“Because she’s Alex Danvers. Nobody knows anything about her.”

I nodded, and closed my eyes, topic already forgotten in my head. But Lex apparently wasn’t.

“Did you say she was close to Clark?” he demanded of Jack.

“Yes?”

I opened my eyes when I heard him chuckle. It wasn’t his nice chuckle. This spelled more doom than anything else.

“So hurting her would be hurting him?”

“Lex,” I warned him “Please don’t tell me you’re planning on killing a person. Because I will not approve.”

“No, no,” he rushed to reassure me “But think of how devastated he’d be if someone from Lex’s circle dated her and then broke her heart.”

There was a beat of silence, then both Sam and I chucked the objects in our hands at him simultaneously. Lex ducked both a pen, and a half-eaten apple.

“What?” he asked, bewildered.

“Nothing,” I said, and walked away.

**********

Now, in a perfect world, that would have been the end of matters. Not this one, though.

I’m still not sure what it was exactly that triggered both of them, but I got out of Physics just in time for a random kid to come running up to me and show me a video of Clark punching the lights out of Lex. I watched it for half a minute, and then I was off and running towards the principal’s office. They were both sitting outside, Lex bleeding from his nose, Clark with a black eye, already done with Principal Cat, by the looks of it. I heard my mother’s rising voice from inside and winced.

“She called Lillian, huh?”

Lex mumbled something that sounded close to an affirmation. From the corner of my eye, I saw Clark scowl at us, and move even further away.

I asked Lex what had happened, whispering the question to him.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, eyes still burning with righteous fury “But I hate him. God damn it, I hate him so much. I cannot walk this earth without having revenge.”

Well. That’s drama.

His voice had started rising, so I calmed him down by rubbing his back “I know, I know. Calm down, okay?”

He turned to look at me “Please tell me you’d do that?”

“Do what?”

“That thing I was talking about earlier.”

It suddenly clicked and I started shaking my head vigorously “Lex, no, no , that’s…..”

“Please, please, please, Lena,” he implored “I’ll do anything for you, I’ll……..I’ll get you that trip!”

I paused. There had been this science competition coming up in a city nearby, and I had an idea for a great project lined up, but Lillian, being mother of the year, had no intentions of letting me go.

“You can’t,” I told him “There’s no way you can convince her to let me go.”

“Lena,” he told me back, just as seriously “If there is anyone in the world who can convince her, it is her Golden Boy, aka me.”

I took fifteen minutes “Three or four dates. There will be no prank. No humiliation. I’ll just call it quits before it gets serious. But I’m serious, Lex, no humiliation.”

“Eh, I’ll take care of the rest,” he said which didn’t really sound promising, but I convinced myself I’d just break it up before she developed feelings for me. And it was a very good possibility she wouldn’t even want to date me. That would leave me off the hook.

“We have a deal,” I admitted, grudgingly, and he wrapped me up in a tight hug.

[ataboolife]

“Wolverine, Batman, and Spider-Man: The Holy Trinity of Masculinity” - Why Superheroes Help Celebrate the Nature of Masculinity While also Addressing its Perils.

I’ve come to believe the reason why superheroes play a large part in culture is due to the symbolism they represent of humanity. Since the dawn of storytelling, we have always made wisdom palatable and entertaining through fiction — a truth hidden in an elaborate tale. Superhero comics, movies and video games have become the next step in the evolution of story telling. I also believe there is a subconscious attraction for men to be drawn to superhero tales. Not only because it would be cool fly or stick to walls, but they’re communicating a wisdom about the nature of masculinity. We all wish we had the strength and the gadgets to take on great feats, but do we need to be a superhero to be the best parts of ourselves?

  Wolverine: The Indestructible Protector

I often fanaticized as a child that I had the ability to heal immediately from any mortal wound and have adamantium claws extend out of my hand whenever I needed to fight; hell, I still do it as an adult. Despite my childish delusions, there is an understandable allure to Logan which all men can feel whenever they see him in the comics or watch Hugh Jackman fiercely bring him to life. He speaks to a profoundly animalistic and noble part of masculinity: the protector.

Despite the profoundly skewed current views on sexual roles, there is an intrinsic duty to protect that all men have to fulfill because it is in our nature. We must have the ability to protect the ones we love. We’ve done so ever since we first protected them from the ferocious beasts outside the cave during the dawn of man. Today’s threats may not be as primal in modern culture but they still exist, and we’re sometimes powerless to stop them. It may be a burglar, a random street mugging or predatory bankers whose greed caused a recession.  But there are times when we can face these threats and engage them. Meet them head on and subdue them. But to do so comes at a physical price through injuries or even death. Wolverine can face any threat without paying that price.

Wolverine speaks to the protector side of masculinity because he is what we wish all can be for the ones we love. Even without his adamantium-laced skeleton and claws, Logan is a skilled warrior and his unyielding will in the face of adversity, and god-like enemies represent a real aspect of the masculine spirit. But it is the combination of his skill, will, and powers which make him a deity of the protectors. We wish that we can take on danger and challenge without being scathed. To lose a battle without the scars such as Wolverine does, even when he fights the Hulk. Some men seem to embody this, such as your tough as nails Uncle or a Medal of Honor recipient. They are men who protect, fight and live to tell the tale.

Even though we wish to be indestructible and have our “claws” ready at any moment, we are still vulnerable from the things we fight for. Logan has survived brutal punishment over the centuries, but he is haunted by the women he loved and lost, notably Jean Grey. He’s even tried to settle down and raise a family, i.e. “Old Man Logan,” but danger always looms wherever he goes, and it’s the ones he loves who pay the price. Through drinking, limiting his intimate relationships and being a solitary Ronin, Wolverine tries to make his heart indestructible. Which is the problem all men share: the more powerful we become as protectors, the more vulnerable our hearts are from the ones we finally love.

Wolverine is best of what he does, and what he does isn’t really nice. Embracing the protector side of masculinity is an ugly task because we as men have to face our shortcomings and become better so we can protect the ones we love. It also means facing both failure and death. We wish we can be a living weapon and indestructible, but this is reality and not the comics. Wolverine only died once and was resurrected; we don’t get to be so lucky, which is why men are fascinated with Wolverine.

  Batman: Gotham’s Father

He is vengeance. He is the night. He is the paternal figure of Gotham. Batman may be the most revered fictional character ever created. The boy Bruce Wayne was made a man through tragedy, using his resources to fulfill the full potential of his body and mind, he has devoted himself to protecting Gotham from the evil that borne the Batman. Bruce Wayne has three personalities/identities, with two being a mask. There is the playboy-industrialist-philanthropist Bruce Wayne which the public sees, which is an elaborate decoy. There’s the Batman which strikes fear into the monsters of Gotham. Then there’s the real Bruce Wayne, the one that exists between both worlds. The one that only Alfred knows.

Batman is in many respects is a selfless father figure for Gotham. He even has adopted surrogate sons such as Dick Grayson and Jason Todd (the prodigal son), who were orphans also. Like many fathers, he provides his family with resources, discipline, and knowledge; even if it’s on the extreme side. Bruce was born into wealth but he uses it and his influence to create new technologies to help humanity or invest resources into Gotham so the city his love can grow. Then there’s the Batman who uses his body and mind to protect Gotham, like any true father who would do anything to protect his family.

Like Batman, father’s wear a mask or show different personalities depending who they are in front of. A father will show a different personality to his friends, to his coworkers, and a different one to his family. When there is tragedy or hardship, he puts on a mask to hide his fears and sorrow so he can lead his family. And sometimes these masks or personalities maybe even be used to hide lost dreams or quiet desperation.

Why does Batman only show his true self to Alfred? Alfred represents absolute trust. A surrogate father to the young Bruce Wayne, he has never forsaken him and never judged him the lunacy of dressing up as a bat. But he understood the pain and the goodness in Bruce Wayne and fostered and guided him as any loved one could. In reality, Alfred symbolizes the one person a father can be vulnerable to and doesn’t have to be afraid to show their fears and dreams. This person could be a parent, mentor, a best friend or a wife.

Despite the heroic paternalism Batman displays, he is deeply flawed because he can never truly be honest to another person, besides Alfred. If you live a life of wearing a mask, then you will alienate the people you love. Dick Grayson, his first son, left Bruce because he was afraid to become like Batman, a man obsessed with vengeance and is afraid to live without his mask.

  Spider-Man: The Realistic One

Out of all the superheroes, Peter Parker a.k.a. Spider-Man is the most realistic. Realistic because he represents the truth of becoming a man. Spider-Man was just a teenage boy when he received his amazing powers. And like many of us, he makes poor choices when given new freedom or ability. We would use ours to get attention or to impress a girl, such as when I rear-ended my first car because I was too busy trying to get the attention of the pretty girl driving next to me... Sometimes we get lucky but other times unintended consequences are created by our actions, and we have to reap the costs of them. Such as Spider-Man letting the robber go who would later kill Uncle Ben.

Spider-Man is every boy who has ever had a crush on a girl who's out of his league, whoever had a dream, and who has ever been bullied. But it wasn’t the powers that made him a hero; those were just a means. It was the call of responsibility that Uncle Ben has instilled into him, which his death had fortified. Every person has the potential to become something much more. And it’s in our youth when we are bitten by the symbolic “radioactive spider” of inspiration that we learn that we have a calling. We sometimes squander our calling because of the fear of rejection or the fear of failing to live up to our potential. It’s responsibility that gives us great power. We take responsibility for ourselves, our mistakes, our shortcomings. Then we do something good with them.

Unlike Batman and Wolverine, Spider-Man’s beauty is that he is vulnerable. He wears a mask not only to protect Aunt May but so his greatest foes can’t see him afraid. His smartass remarks are a way of coping with the bloody fights he goes on. He feels pain and sadness when his relationship with Mary Jane is on the rocks. He worries about paying the bills and getting good grades. He is every man who has been given a great responsibility and must find a way to balance it with a healthy, normal life.

 The Hero in Us All

Men play an essential role in existence, as do women. Though the sexes may not be equal biologically or in societal expectations, both sexes are equally crucial for humanity. One sex can’t live nor enjoy the beauty of life without the other. It’s hard on both sexes; neither one has it easy. We both have roles to play, and sometimes those roles are unfair. Women are expected to be beautiful, caring and nurturing no matter what. Men are expected to be stoic protectors and providers.

An excellent superhero example for women is Gal Gadot’s version of Wonder Woman. She isn’t just a mighty warrior, but a strong maternal figure who uses compassion and grace as a superpower.  She doesn’t treat the men fighting with her as inferiors but fellow soldiers on a mission. She even shows a wonderful excitement over seeing a baby with its mother. Wonder Woman represents an icon who can be both feminine, intelligent and a warrior without forsaking her natural role or the opposite sex.

We all have roles to play and different ways to play them. We can never be indestructible like Wolverine, resourceful like Batman or acrobatic like Spider-Man. These heroes are based in fiction, but they were borne out of the best qualities of men. What men innately have. We can train ourselves to be the best physically and mentally. We can face terrifying situations for the ones we love. And we can become heroes if we take responsibility in doing so.