#but it's something i come across a lot
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I swear some hair creators are afraid to add the proper graying swatches to some hairstyles. If you're using the EA swatches and meshes, it shouldn't be hard to add the EA graying swatches right?? Or am I wrong for saying that???
#idk im not trying to vent or complain#but it's something i come across a lot#and a lot of the times i add those swatches myself to the ones that are missing it#playing in CAS atm and im just klfhadslkhg#just ignore me ig#🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation
tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it
#oughhhhhhh#this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol#i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content#and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock#but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once#and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion#i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like#a handful of times at best#it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away#(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts#musing about fandoms past as well#that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore#also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)
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the innate horror of google earth
#seeing ur childhood home changed rahhhhhhh *explodes#this one pissed me off a lot . still dont know if i like it#i hope the feeling i was going for comes across#seeing something permanently changed and out of your control when the memory of it is so frozen in ur head .#the horror that is google earth ❤️they shouldn't let me on there#my art#esp the fact u cant see much#never in always outside the house#always just below the front steps
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I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.
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#ah thank you! I'm so glad these themes come through the way I intended#this touches on something that I've been thinking a lot so sorry if this gets a bit ranty#but I have massive personal beef with the sentiment “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else/someone else can love you ”#I hate it with a passion#I know it's meant to encourage positive growth and I get that self-love and healthy self-image are something you should strive for#but it also sort of sends the message that people who struggle with these sort of issues don't deserve to be loved#not until they reach some external invisible standard of “okay I'm normal and well adjusted now”#“perhaps now I'm worthy of entering a relationship without the danger of dragging the other person down with me”#people who aren't in perfect health mentally or physically already feel like they're inconveniencing others with their mere existence#depriving them of the possibility or even the idea of loving and being loved won't make them better#it's just a stupid idiom it doesn't matter but to me it just comes across as unspeakably cruel way to think#and it rustles my jimmies#answered#anonymous
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what draws you back to your country what draws you back to your land when i was a kid i told myself if i ever left iran i'd never go back 2 years into living in the UK i started looking at news on iran again 10 years in and i visited it for the first time again and today i heard an iranian mother talk in farsi to her child on the train to london the way my mother used to and i wanted to cry i wanted to ask her whether they're still cutting the mountaintops whether the lakes are still drying today i showed the person i was with pictures of waterfalls and palaces and forests and snow-white north something odd pulls me back with increasing force i can't ignore it ever again
#i just dont know how else to tell you everything !!! santoor from a different room the large family gathering the black tea with saffron#drank out of delicate glass and gold vessels cold marble on hot nights big stars big rivers big mountains#visible from busy tehran roads the ease of conversation tension eased by sarcasm tall tall cliffsides you drive by#rushing to put on headscarves before the head teacher comes in a rave by the base of damavand massive sun pastel purple skies#disjunct architecture trucks on road sides with fresh fruits pomegranates watermelons oranges everywhere#the smell of golpar on tangerines beautiful girls in tehran holding hands bautiful boys in kermanshah speaking kurdish the janky#cars on the verge of breakdown held together by love caspian sea lighting up in spring staying up into the morning on noruz#my friends uncle sang and played setar his son played the violin a little fear a lot of love remnants of something#grand carved into the cliffside everything feels bigger taller the landscape swallows you it smells like#illegally imported wine and orange blossoms and auntie's tahchin soaking your eyes in warm tea when youre sick#tomatoes and salt concrete and stone something mandmade and something raw new flag old resilience#the anger getting to us bruised eyes big grin all i know is the north i feel sorry my mother asks if id be okay#if they got a place in tajikistan we love each other enough dont we? when we look in the mirror we see each other. theres a love letter#across the border and it says I MISS YOU IM GLAD YOURE DOING BETTER itll never be the same im not okay with it at all there are no more#stars i miss jumping over big fires i miss our fireworks im sorry we cant be happy anymore everyone#leaves the mint and rosewater and sunlight for a reason.#it's not pride it's just generational regret
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the thing about eliot spencer as a character, right. the thing about him.
(and as always your mileage may vary on my analyses so if we disagree that's cool actually)
is that he is in fact a somewhat emotionally constipated idiot who is occasionally sensitive about his perceived masculinity and gets defensive about emotional intimacy around other men (largely hardison, who's much more comfortable expressing affection and embracing a softer kind of masculinity), but eliot displays enough emotional awareness and sensitivity and respect for women etc etc that anyone who's been subjected to that era of television will put on rose-tinted glasses without even looking twice.
(and he is, don't get me wrong, incredibly emotionally aware for a professionally punchy guy with enough trauma to sink the titanic. it still startles me to see.)
on top of which we have the layers and the accessories and the excellent hair with the secret braids and the way he barely has an ego and he's good with kids and protective of his team without taking it too far, and some of us never stood a fucking chance.
#eliot#eliot spencer#orig#further discussion in further tags#I'm being perhaps a little critical and there are other ways to read eg the fragile masculinity moments#but I Do think they were intended this way and largely come across this way#I'm quite happy playing with a fanon eliot who's better at this shit is the thing? it feels faithful enough to the original.#but this is something I'm chewing over in a rewatch and it's interesting so far#the fact that he pretty consistently respects women doesn't stop him from treating men and women differently y'know?#the fact that his bantering with hardison expresses affection and gets quite soft over time#doesn't stop him from pushing hardison away on a semi-regular basis. often physically.#the fact that the fandom unanimously decided he's an utter gentleman in matters of dating#doesn't quite negate the time he physically stopped aimee from getting away when he wanted to talk to her#though that's one I might disregard because it's so early and I think they hadn't quite figured out the characters then#and it was admittedly a brief moment followed by very consensual happenings#perhaps. honestly. eliot may be reflecting the attitudes of the show here.#which were very progressive for the time and are still startling on several fronts now but also showing definite signs of age#arguably fanon eliot (as I understand him) is eliot adjusted for inflation. as it were.#there's a lot going on here I'm having a normal amount of thoughts about it I'm. stopping now
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something something
#these aren't all of them just a random collection but just thinking about how much him not talking is such a strong part of his character#which is. well i think some of it is just that he's naturally quiet but some of it is definitely something that's grown in him over time#like when we first see him in digne he talks a Lot more than when we see him again in montreuil. which is probably bc he then has something#to hide but the way that him having something to hide ends up bleeding this sort of silence over into the rest of his life. hh.#there's more of these particularly there's a lot where it goes like. someone says something to him. he does something in response. they say#another thing. he does something in response. they say something else. he does something in response#<- so it's like a dialogue except actually they're the only ones talking#there's like whole sections of text that are just like this. whole conversations he's in that only really have one vocal participant#anyways. uox faucibus haesit coded of him for real :(#thoughts#les mis#also thinking abt how i think this is a big part of why he comes across differently in the musical. which is not the fault of the musical#bc it's just not possible to do in that medium i think . but it does chance things impression wise#Also this paralleled with all the places cosette is described as quiet/not talking when he first goes to get her
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Niche politics tip: If you start dissociating from politics so much it starts feeling like each side is akin to a football team or a game, you might need to take a step back in order to recuperate.
When you're so caught up in politics that you need to dissociate from the humanity of it in order to engage with politics, that's not a good sign. It's especially not a good sign when we are talking about human rights
#politics#it's especially weird when people treat your human rights as a game to 'win' regardless of how it affects you#there have been so many trans allies i've come across who treat trans rights as a game or a bargaining chip. and that's. kind of scary#this doesn't solely apply to trans rights but it's something i've encountered before#but i think a lot of people are so... desensitized? unaffected by horrible things that they genuinely dissociate from it#that's not a good thing though i think#in the long run it's for the best if you try avoiding this defense mechanism as much as possible...#...you are not the spawn of satan for stepping back to ground yourself back to earth...#...have you ever been on a plane where they tell you that in the event the plane goes down you put YOUR oxygen mask on first?...#...it's a similar principle when applied to politics...#...how exactly ARE you going to help like you want to and how others need when you are ground into dust?#and no this isn't 'be complicite!!!!' if people read it like that...#...this post is saying 'do not view people as a game to win because you are so desensitized to the horror around you'...
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seriously wondering why WW1 was never brought up at all throughout the show in regards to edwin and the life he was living before hell. I mean fuck we get a WW1 ghost in the FIRST EPISODE but edwin doesn’t say a single thing about his familiarity with the soldier’s garments and circumstances. you’d think that would come in handy in some way, or at least be an interesting thing to reference to emphasize edwin’s age (for lack of a better word) considering this was all during the expository section of the first episode.
1916 is directly in the middle of the Great War, and depending on how long edwin had been 16 by the time he died, he would’ve been somewhere between 1-2 years off from being conscripted and sent off to the trenches– ie; really not far, so it inevitably would be a huge weight on his mind at the time. since it was the middle of the war, he would’ve known decently well the horrors being faced out there– the mustard gas, the widespread illness, the shellshock– from newspapers and such, and I have to think that he’d feel like there was a clock ticking, counting down the days until he’d be sent to his inevitable death (considering he’s not the most athletic and physically resilient boy to say the least). and if he was exempted from conscription? it could very well be for “mental illness” and/or “moral indecency” if he didn’t hide his “effeminate” behavior well enough. all-around, it’d have to be an incredibly stressful time period for more reasons than just being bullied, alienated, and repressed at school– and yet we never hear about the elephant in the room. will they do something with it later? will it play into his family background in some way? for gods sake I need to KNOW
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#I have a lotttttt of thoughts about this#do you think. while sitting in the office next to charles one snowed-in night. charles would ask him about the war. and he’d actually let#his guard down and lean into him and express that it was something so terrifying looming over his head that all he could do was pray it’d#end or pretend nothing was happening for as long as he could get away with it– which would be difficult for a lot of reasons.#do you think he’d admit that in his studies the past few decades being dead he’d come across names of wartime martyrs he recognized as#classmates of his. and felt something about how so many of them– like himself– didn’t make it to true adulthood#sure he didn’t like his classmates very much on average but. it’d still take a toll on him to think about.#he could’ve seen a few names come up when searching for the identity of the gas mask ghost in episode 1 even. knowing edwin though I doubt#he’d point it out. at least not until he was alone with charles and felt safe and comfortable enough to do so.#aaaaaaaaaaanyway…………….hoo boy#rambling
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I'm researching Scottish mythology for the Cyberknights AU, and I was skimming through the wiki entry for the Glenmasan manuscript (I'd tell you what it is, but I haven't actually finished reading yet), when I read this sentence
Like what are the fucking chances
#not art#not cod#not exactly at least#I love love love when I just come across something that perfectly fits what I need#what do you mean there's a fuckin 13th century manuscript of scottish mythology that is allegedly written by someone called John M'Tavish#cyberknights au#if anyones interested I've done a lot of thinking on the worldbuilding for cyberknights... and i WILL infodump if given the permission#new blorbo acquired..... his name is Eoin M'Tavish and he's been dead for like 800 years <3#joining blorbos as the wanderer from the exeter book who may never existed and also been dead for a 1000 years#and that one Georgian queen who was so epic they wrote several books of poems about a guy representing her fighting armies#Edit I was checking how common M'Tavish (or MacTavish as it's the modern spelling) is bc I was like 'am I stupid is that just a common name#but its not. theres only about 3000 people with it#which is pretty damn rare in my standards (tho my surname is even rarer but mine has a weird ass origin lmao)
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I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
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posally
#posally#pjo#only the hot girls get it#idk i think sally kind of anchors poseidon and i think poseidon breathes life into sally and that’s why they love each other#they’re that warmth of hope in pandora’s jar. to each other#it’s hard to explain#but poseidon found sally as a person who was probably very lost & possibly bitter#and sally found poseidon period. across his eternity#and i think they both rekindled something in the other that nobody else will ever touch#and i think a lot of their relationship comes down to simplicity and beauty and love. and that was the inspo behind this
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i think sacred music in the kryn dynasty would be very cyclical and repetitive in form to symbolize the idea that life is a continuous thing (at least those who are consecuted right right) and is a cycle across lifetimes and yeah
#court rambambles#cr#critical role#kryn dynasty#finishing up my religions class and i've used the last two topics to research non-western music because hi music major western music gets#super fucking boring. and i've been having a Blast listening to classical indian music. this shit slaps. i fucking LOVE music with drones.#but since this is a religions class obvs im researching in in the context of religion so I'm doing music in hinduism and this was something#brought up in like 2 sentences not even in a paper im using a a ref and it reminded me a lot of this and idk yknow. very neat.#ive been thinking a lot about fantasy music as well. okay like using western music and medieval western European music as inspo is fine and#dandy.#but like goodness guys there are so many other amazing cultures and styles and genres of music and subdivisions within cultures and i just.#im so amazed by them. give me that microtonal music give me these awesome instruments give me these great scales and rhythms and just. yes#if anyone comes from some non western European cultures and has neat traditional/folk/classical/whatever music and they want to share it my#dms and ask boxes are/should be open and stuff. please i just like learning about music across the world#*non western-european bc yknow eastern europe has unique things too#FOLLOW ME FOR MORE POSTS LIKE THIS WHERE I RAMBLE ABOUT MUSIC AND MY INTERESTS. SOMETIMES I EVEN POST ART AND TALK ABOUT MY OCS WHOAAAA#please talk to me about music i just really like music. it's not like im majoring in it at all. is it a smart idea in this economy with adh#wellll yknow
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on the road to hell
#hadestown#art#my art#tag ramble as promised:#firstly#i’ve been thinking about redoing this as digital art#(like - mostly the same but cleaner and with some of the details fixed) and probably will if i have time#because i like this composition a lot#but! for now i am oddly happy with how this turned out despite being traditional art/watercolor (no undo button. sobs.)#and it Is a noteworthy day for hadestown with lola tung and lillias white departing#(this is Not meant to celebrate them specifically - i used the obc as reference not them - i just think it’s a nice day symbolically)#so i thought i’d put this out. whatever. yknow.#oh a second thing i will say is that this was a great excuse to check out the slime tutorials on youtube#i spent like 9 or something hours on this :/ so. plenty of time to have things on in the background while i was working. we love slime#thirdly! two things i feel like are worth mentioning rq for Symbolism:#wait for me reprise (intro) originally having wedding procession imagery (from anaïs mitchell in working on a song)#is what first made me desperately want to put the flower/petals on the edges (it still fucking haunts me)#though it was a solid composition choice in general i think#and i mean. clearly the carnation should be prominent. it’s the carnation. from hadestown.#i don’t think the wedding procession reference comes across the way it turned out but that was the first thought#NEXT ouroboros. the snake devouring its own tail (i legitimately forgot that this was why i first drew the rattlesnake that way but#fundamentally i really did just want its tail and head to point to each other lmao)
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I'm sure you get this a lot but because my cousin and I love that one Danny Trejo action comedy, I always have to snap my brain into the right position when I read Machete's name. Maybe I should draw them both chilling
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#I do get it a lot#people have been comparing him to that Danny Trejo character for 13 years#on monthly or these days weekly basis#sorry if I'm about to sound surprisingy pissy and bitchy and petty in the tags of your ask in particular#please don't think I'm not upset with you specifically#but I've been told this same thing three times this week alone and it's only wednesday#and it kind of stopped amusing me a long while ago I'm sorry#I know people mean well and find it funny#but having your longtime deeply personal oc continuously compared to some other unrelated fictional character#just because they happen to share a name#wears you down eventually#I never respond to them because I don't want to come across as needlessly nasty and overly sensitive#over something as utterly trivial as this#but if I never give even a slightest hint that I'm not particularly delighted by it anymore#I'm afraid it's going to just go on indefinitely#answered#rancidslime#I've thought about changing his name numerous times over the years just so I wouldn't have to hear about Danny Trejo anymore#but he's been called Machete for 16 years so it's not easy to let go of that name
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"[...] narrative interest in Kingdom of Heaven focuses not on the outcome of the conflict between the Crusader Kingdom and Saladin but on the way it was fought, on means rather than ends, performance rather than goals. In the end, how the hero performs is more important than the fact that he lost the battle and surrendered the city. [...]
"Scott perhaps best encapsulates the anxieties that surround hard-bodied masculinity and the mourning for its loss in his uncanny image of Baldwin, the leper king of Jerusalem, whose death precipitates the destruction of the Crusader Kingdom. Rather than focusing the audience's attention on the ravages of the disease of leprosy (at least until after his death), Scott depicts him in a funereal image of a male body swathed in white robes and veils, his face hidden by a beautiful but lifeless silver mask. Baldwin is beautiful but inanimate on the outside - a hard-bodied shell - living but hideous on the inside. His voice detached from his body, Baldwin becomes a ghostly acousmatic, despite his physical presence onscreen. His voice seems to issue from an inanimate shell, cut off from its origin in a human body. He is his own - and his kingdom's - funeral effigy. In this figure the hard-bodied masculinity of the crusaders in Kingdom of Heaven is exposed as a performance, a disguise that hides the rottenness within the kingdom beneath its beautiful but dead veneer. The image allows not only the crusaders but Scott's audience to mourn lost glories."
- Laurie A. Finke and Martin B. Shichtman, Cinematic Illuminations: The Middle Ages on Film, Johns Hopkins University Press, 2010, pp. 231f.
#kingdom of heaven 2005#baldwin iv#i came across this while doing research for my thesis#the authors have written a lot on the reception and remediation of arthurian legend#and then i saw that they had a book on the middle ages on film#there's so little academic material on koh i'm always surprised when i come across one in the wild#something something the king's two bodies#one day i might write up that post on portrayals of masculinity in koh that i've been wanting to do for ages
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