#but it's okay! they can't all be groundbreaking

[microraptorart]

Junicorn day 16, "chimera". Not feeling too creative today, just a classic sorta chimera guy who just happens to also be a unicorn

I'm following the prompt list posted by Artofmisi

[IMAGE ID: a coloured pencil drawing of a creature with two heads, side-by-side. One is a goat-like unicorn, the other is a lion. The creature has spurs and little wings, and a snake for a tail. The goat head is grey and the lion head is brown. The rest of its body is patched in those colours. END ID]

[catboybiologist]

“As a biologist, the terms biological woman and man don’t make any sense to me” okay then you’re an idiot and a terrible biologist. I swear to god, morons like you only become biologists just so you can hold it over others, when in reality, if biology deniers like you can become biologists, then being one really doesn’t mean much anyway. But this probably just gave an autogynophile like you a boner to read, anyway.

Oh fun! Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Disregarding the fact that you somehow think the qualification for being a biologist entirely hinges on defining womanhood, I do need to ask some clarification. I know I'm feeding the trolls here, but here we go: does your definition of "biological woman" mean:

Sociological woman? Eh, context dependent, I'm not fully out of the closet, but oftentimes, I am and present femme. So let's call that one 50/50.

Psychological woman? Because I am one.

Neurological woman? Because I am one [1].

Physical woman? My soft tissue redistribution is handling that well.

Hormonal woman? My blood tests are within cis female ranges.

Transcriptional woman? As a signalling molecule, the downstream effects of estrogen have broad transcriptional effects, completely changing the profile of gene expression and functional genomics of my cells. [2]

Genetic woman? I mean, see my above point- as far as my genes that are actually active, I have all of the same transcripts being produced, controlling which genes are expressed.

Karyotypic woman? I actually have a few signs pre-HRT that might point to a non-XY chromosome pair, but I haven't had a karyotype. We'll put that down as unknown. And hell, even if its XY, there's plenty of cis women who are karyotypically XY, with suppressed sry or complete androgen insensitivity. Interestingly enough, a completely androgen insesitive woman can go her whole life without knowing- and functionally, is very similar to a trans woman, actually. Fancy that. [3]

Reproductive woman? I can't produce an egg cell, but neither can significant fractions of cis women. Also, this is all gonna change soon, which is fun. [4]

There's also a lot of understudied aspects to the biology of HRT and even pre-HRT that are emerging, largely demonstrating widespread cellular and genetic remodeling of trans individuals undergoing hormone therapy. The field is a bit behind due to constant political pressure to revoke funding, but a lot of the results are extremely exciting in both testosterone and estrogen hormone therapies. I'm sure that, as a self professed biology As someone who presumably has a lot of expertise in biology, I'm assuming that you're aware of all of this cutting edge research, and are keeping up with modern papers, including but not limited to these cool findings:

Trans men on HRT exhibit significant genetic and transcriptional changes that make them biochemically male. [5][6]. It's a good hypothesis that the same happens with estrogen treatment, but those studies don't exist yet- I'm sure you're reserving judgment until more publications exist, of course.

Trans men on HRT develop male cell types and tissues. [7]

Trans women experience muscular and blood cell changes that align with cis women moreso than cis men [8]

And many, many more! This is an exciting, underserved, and groundbreaking field of research, and I'm sure you're keeping up with the latest in scientific journals about it.

I'm sure, of course, that you understand that it becomes impossible to draw a distinct line anywhere in here, and that words like "woman" are shorthand for the myriad of traits that invisibly synthesize in our mind and in society to represent a concept? I'm sure you understand that science is fundamentally descriptive, not prescriptive? I'm sure that you understand that these findings, while really cool and interesting, actually don't mean jack shit about what the word "woman" means or not?

As someone who is the ultimate decider in what a biologist is, I'm sure you know that bioessentiallism is a childish mindset that completely ignores and disregards the constantly changing, dynamic nature of biological systems, something that extends well beyond biological sex and its relation to gender.

I'm sure that also, that you understand that beyond just this, that the role of science in society is to advise how to achieve our moral principles, not create moral principles in themselves. And I'm sure that understanding means you know that trans affirming healthcare and supportive societal treatment leads to reduced mortality and increased happiness for everyone, right?

So great to talk to someone who is surely a scientist on this. You are a biologist, if you're talking like this, I assume? I assume you're not going to spit complete misreadings of scientific language from the background sections of these papers that only reveal you've never read a scientific paper in your life if you're thinking this way? I assume you have experience interpreting data like this?

Also, imagining my genitalia while writing this? Ew. Please stop projecting your fetishes into my inbox.

Works cited:

Kurth F, Gaser C, Sánchez FJ, Luders E. Brain Sex in Transgender Women Is Shifted towards Gender Identity. J Clin Med. 2022 Mar 13;11(6):1582. doi: 10.3390/jcm11061582. PMID: 35329908; PMCID: PMC8955456.

Fuentes N, Silveyra P. Estrogen receptor signaling mechanisms. Adv Protein Chem Struct Biol. 2019;116:135-170. doi: 10.1016/bs.apcsb.2019.01.001. Epub 2019 Feb 4. PMID: 31036290; PMCID: PMC6533072.

Gottlieb B, Trifiro MA. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. 1999 Mar 24 [Updated 2017 May 11]. In: Adam MP, Feldman J, Mirzaa GM, et al., editors. GeneReviews® [Internet]. Seattle (WA): University of Washington, Seattle; 1993-2024. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1429/

Murakami, K., Hamazaki, N., Hamada, N. et al. Generation of functional oocytes from male mice in vitro. Nature 615, 900–906 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-023-05834-x

Pallotti F, Senofonte G, Konstantinidou F, Di Chiano S, Faja F, Rizzo F, Cargnelutti F, Krausz C, Paoli D, Lenzi A, Stuppia L, Gatta V, Lombardo F. Epigenetic Effects of Gender-Affirming Hormone Treatment: A Pilot Study of the ESR2 Promoter's Methylation in AFAB People. Biomedicines. 2022 Feb 16;10(2):459. doi: 10.3390/biomedicines10020459. PMID: 35203670; PMCID: PMC8962414.

Florian Raths, Mehran Karimzadeh, Nathan Ing, Andrew Martinez, Yoona Yang, Ying Qu, Tian-Yu Lee, Brianna Mulligan, Suzanne Devkota, Wayne T. Tilley, Theresa E. Hickey, Bo Wang, Armando E. Giuliano, Shikha Bose, Hani Goodarzi, Edward C. Ray, Xiaojiang Cui, Simon R.V. Knott, The molecular consequences of androgen activity in the human breast, Cell Genomics, Volume 3, Issue 3, 2023, 100272, ISSN 2666-979X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xgen.2023.100272. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666979X23000320)

Xu R, Diamond DA, Borer JG, Estrada C, Yu R, Anderson WJ, Vargas SO. Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals. World J Urol. 2022 Mar;40(3):849-855. doi: 10.1007/s00345-021-03907-y. Epub 2022 Jan 16. PMID: 35034167.

Harper J, O'Donnell E, Sorouri Khorashad B, McDermott H, Witcomb GL. How does hormone transition in transgender women change body composition, muscle strength and haemoglobin? Systematic review with a focus on the implications for sport participation. Br J Sports Med. 2021 Aug;55(15):865-872. doi: 10.1136/bjsports-2020-103106. Epub 2021 Mar 1. PMID: 33648944; PMCID: PMC8311086.

[heliumshorns]

This???

Oh, it's....

It's just an absolute ramble about how GOOD toji fucks when it's nice and slow.

You know.

The basic.

... mdni obviously??? Uhhh.... spit?? A little bit of that.. TOJI IS A SOFT DOM????? FOR ONCE???? WE LACK SOFT DOM TOJI CONTENT????? this was more lovemaking than sex tb but still works I guess

The hand tugging your hair, making you face him even when you believe you just can't? He'll make you remember you can take him, and very fucking well.

Something he murmurs into your ear while you're getting pounded your soul out of your body. And even though 90% of the time you end up losing any sense of coherency with how good the curve of his cock is massaging your G-spot, the times your ears don't ring out of pleasure? You catch a few words.

"Mhm... look at how pretty you look like that, baby. Yeah? Can you hear me?"

And when your moan comes out something minimally affirmative, he grins. He's cocky because he knows. He knows he's good when it comes to making you feel good. He knows you know. It's hard not to when he proves it to you almost every day.

"Stay here. I'm here. Listen to me.... Yeah, good girl."

Now. Toji is aware it technically isn't possible, but he grits his teeth anyway because damn you might just snap his dick off. He laughs, though. A low rumble that runs all through you. He sees how your skin forms goosebumps. How your nipples harden with that shiver.

"Oh... oh yeah... You can be loud, darling, it's just you and me... Just you and me."

Even though you could barely brethe to moan, really. Probably too gone to even think about how you sound. Choked noises with every breath you take. His eyes bore into your rolled back ones, and he sneaks a hand around your throat. Legs over his shoulders. Folding you into a mating press.

"Eyes on me. I want you to see who's making you feel good, baby. That's right."

He felt your heartbeat. There's no way. He's sinking so far deep, feeling how your cervix is massaging his tip so... good. Jesus, he's going insane here. Your eyes eventually manage to look into his, and the lust swirling in his irises? Yeah... The loud, borderline pornographic moan you let our wasn't a plan. Nor were you aware, really.

His laugh makes you whimper. Feel so small.

"My little pornstar, aren't you, baby? Open your mouth for me, baby. Can you do that?"

Your shaky nod has him grinning as he licks the back of his teeth and roof of his mouth. Gathering saliva.

His hand holds your jaw open as he leans down, not once faltering the slow and deep thrusts. His eyes are on yours as his spit slowly drips down.

"Oh fuck, baby..." He manages to lose his own composure. His head falls foward, hair hiding his eyes when he moans out. Low. Deep. And so fucking good while he stares at your cunt just swallowing him so good.

With a thumb swiping to your clit, he hears your yelp. Sees your legs twitch. Yeah. He wasn't gonna last longer.

"Honey, do me a favour. Come for me, yeah? Let's count down. Let's come together."

... Okay. Not easy thing to do, but worth a try.

He uses one hand to fix his slightly overgrown hair, looking into your eyes. With that same hand, he holds your face. He could tell you were so fucking close it hurt. From the curled lip to the furrowed brow. The almost pained look in your eyes.

His thumb presses down. He feels as the nub naturally twitches.

"Three..." He murmurs, hips not faltering their face as he pushes your clit around, making sure to angle his hips just right.

"Shit- so fucking tight, ma-" He moans with a smile.

"Two..." Your eyes glaze over, and your mouth starts to tip open. You can barely fucking breathe now.

"One, baby. Come with me, please."

And God, do you come. Absolutely fucking groundbreaking. Mind on the clouds as his hips snap, and snap, bringing himself to orgasm as you milk him dry. He feels your nails dig into his shoulders? Yeah. Does he care?.... not really.

This is probably the longest orgasm you've had in a while. Shit had you trembling with the aftershocks with God knows how long, but once you're back here, on earth? Yeah.... You're instantly squirming away. Pushing at his chest.

And he complies.

He already had you out of your mind pre-orgasm. He didn't want to ruin you that bad.

Flopping down beside you, chest heaving as he stares at the ceiling.

After a minute or two of silence and heavy breathing, you finally speak:

"Told you it was worth it to take it slow."

He only laughs and nuzzles his face in your neck.

[faeriekit]

What it's been like to try to get into comics thus far:

Someone tells you to try reading comics online. It's free! Cool. You'll try it. You make a mental note to try an online search when you get home, and go about your day.

You try to find a site that has old comics. You click around. The scroll bar is huge. You recognize none of the names. There are some sets of series that seem to have the same name. You pick one at random. You don't understand what you're looking at. You close the tab. You'll try again tomorrow.

"Try reading _____ series! It's so good!" You look for the series name online. Turns out it's just a nickname. You can't be sure which version of the series it is. The wiki is no help. You'll try again tomorrow.

You watch a show based on the comics characters. It's fun; not groundbreaking, but fun. You look it up online later. Everyone complains about how it's not like the comics' characterizations. The writers did them dirty. You should read the comics instead. You close the forum tab.

"Why don't these idiots just get into comics? All these people are just cluttering up the fandom with their horrible takes on the characters. They clearly have no idea what the actual character/plot/series is like!" Okay. You do want to know, so it's probably worth another try. You'll try again tomorrow.

They didn't include a link. You have no idea what you're looking for without context. You keep looking stuff up and getting different names of series and characters and location. You have no idea where you are, and every beginning seems like the middle of the story. There are four different wikis in your results tab and you're not sure which one is actually the think you're looking for. You'll try again tomorrow.

You read the graphic novels. You like them a lot. You know that's not what they're talking about.

You watch a movie. It has the comic characters in it. You like it. You check it out online to see if other people like it too, and all you see is more complaints about how it differs from the comics. You're doing it wrong.

"People who can't get into comics are just weak. Just pick a random spot and start!" Okay. You go back to that endless scroll bar. You try to start reading something at random. It relies on concepts you haven't been introduced to and character relationships that already have an unseen depth to them. You don't have the context for any of it. You don't understand. Why is it moving so fast? Are you just too tired to understand what's on the page? You'll try again tomorrow, just in case.

You pick an omnibus off the shelf at the library. It starts in the middle of someone else's story and ends up with a cast in the low twenties. You try to keep up. You know who most of the people are, but the focus is so large and the story is so overwhelming that you don't think you really absorbed, like...any of it?? You put it back on the shelf. You'll try it again tomorrow.

You've seen more versions of every character than most fans ever will. You think longingly of what it must be like to be a filthy casual. You bet they're not wondering if they're bad at this hobby late at night. People probably vagueblog about them, too, but they don't even notice. Must be nice.

You watch another movie. It's nice. You end up with an omnibus of a short-run of something, so it's easier to digest. That's nice too. You're just reading to read. It's pleasant.

People argue online about what the BEST characterization of this person is and who's an awful writer and the runs no one should read and the stuff that WAS canon but now it ISN'T and there's the RIGHT stuff to read and the WRONG stuff to read, and some of it is truly terrible. You try to remember what the RIGHT stuff is, or else everyone will know that you're doing this wrong. You have to remember that this is just a hobby. You're having fun. You're supposed to be having fun.

"Fans of THIS adaptation are so annoying; they clog up the real works of appreciators of the original comics run and ruin the characters!" You look at the adaptation. It's officially licensed. Neat. The rest of the stuff you've tried has been official too. It hasn't stopped the vitriol.

You think that some of the fans hold the preciousness of the comics closer to their chest than the actual publisher. You're not sure what to do with that thought. You're so tired. You read another comics-based graphic novel, since it's on the shelf at B&N, and it's good. It's really, really good. You know in your heart it doesn't count as liking comics, and you wish it would get the same appreciation as the famous comics in your fangroups. You know it won't.

A fanauthor you like vagueposts about the idiots who can't even read the fucking comics once every other week. You've almost unfollowed them maybe half a dozen times. If you do, you won't get to see their works when they post. They hate you and they haven't met you, and they have no idea you exist. Okay. Maybe you'll do it tomorrow.

You like the characters. You like your fellow fans' interpretations of them. You like their stories and you love their art and you love sharing ideas with them and you're having fun. You're having fun and you're doing it wrong. No one wants you here and you don't understand what makes a good adaptation as opposed to a bad one if they're both well written and well liked and no one is willing to have a full on conversation without condescending down to you for being a fan without knowing anything. It's been a year. It's been a year and everyone else has been reading since they were knee high and you're behind because it's only been a year and there's cultural history you're only just learning and how dare you be ignorant of it. Don't you know how much you're missing? Don't you know how stupid you are??

You see officially licensed merchandise in the store. It makes you feel weird. You're having fun. You have to be having fun, or else what's the point?

People will do anything with beginner or prospective fans except give them a link to a recommendation. You can like a character, but you can't have a different interpretation of them— that's exclusive to officially licensed adaptations, and even then people will complain. You're on your own. No one will help you.

You're on your own. No one will help you.

You check out a couple of comics-based picture books and a graphic novel that looks interesting. You put a DVD of an adaptation on hold. You're on your own, and no one will help you, but maybe you have a right to have fun by yourself.

You watch. You read. You have fun. It's not enough, but you're...happy. You're pretty sure that's what this is.

Close enough.

[sepdet]

Okay but.

In her concluding remarks, while talking about people who have fought for our rights whom we can't let down by handing the country back to a dictator, Kamala Harris name checked factory workers, farm workers, Freedom Riders, Selma... and Stonewall.

I was marching in the 90s when one could lose one's job, healthcare, kids, so much for coming out, and the BEST compromise we could get out of a sympathetic president was the "Don't ASK, Don't Tell" rule making it just as much a crime to out somebody as to be out. Seriously. That was an improvement.

Right now, with a significant part of the country attacking trans and LGBTQ people, Democrats lose votes when they stand up for us.

But Harris has always fought for us. She was joyously officiating a lot of the first gay marriages in the country at San Francisco City Hall during the Winter of Love in 2004. She created a task force and trained attorneys on how to fight back against the "gay panic" defense, when it won a case in the 90s. As state Attorney General, she refused to defend Prop 8 (gay marriage ban) from legal challenges, which was officially her responsibility, but she just... Would Not.

All this when support for gays was considered a liability while running for public office outside of the Bay Area. The Democrats wouldn't decide it was "safe" to endorse LGBTQ+ rights until Obama's second term (surprisingly, Biden convinced Obama).

When Biden finally signed the Respect for Marriage Act in 2022, repealing DOMA, he gave Harris the pen. Because it mattered deeply to her.

Harris wasn't just paying lip service to Stonewall, although it was already groundbreaking for a presidential candidate to mention it. She meant it.

[wileycap]

PALPATINE: My dear boy. The only thing that we are discussing right now is what you want.

ANAKIN: Hm. Okay, world peace for Padmé, a Best Jedi mug for Obi-Wan - no, that's not me being bitchy, he literally will not accept a bigger gift...

PALPATINE: Yes, you shall have it all. Just -

ANAKIN: Oh, I'm not done. A billion... no, you know what, a trillion credits for Ahsoka, rights for the clones plus backpay and overtime for the war, full rights to their own genetic code, a special vode-only tribune that will investigate Kaminoans and natborn officers for sentient rights violations...

PALPATINE:

ANAKIN: ... slavery is to be abolished across the galaxy, I and any vode who want to join me will be sanctioned by the Republic to hunt down slavers, starting with Tatooine, hair cream for Windu - okay, that one is me being bitchy - and, well, I guess I'd want a fleet of the absolute best ships for me. As a treat.

PALPATINE: I see. Are you done?

ANAKIN: I guess. How soon can you deliver?

PALPATINE: Well. As it stands... it might... take some time.

ANAKIN: That's cool. You can get all the legal stuff done tomorrow, just call in a special session of the Senate, but I get that commissioning a fleet will take some time. I didn't even give you a list of models or anything.

PALPATINE: ... yes. I can't help but to think that you're disregarding your wife's safety here.

ANAKIN: Oh, no. I'm being smart.

PALPATINE: You are?

ANAKIN: Yup. Padmé is a completely healthy woman. Her pregnancy is very low risk. So, if she's going to die in childbirth, it's got to have something to do with the war, right? If we end the war, there's no danger to Padmé.

PALPATINE: Have you forgotten what I told you about Darth Plagueis the Wise?

ANAKIN: No, but if I use Sith Magic to save her, she's probably going to turn into a zombie or something. Trust me, Chancellor, I've seen it before.

PALPATINE: I'm afraid to ask, but where have you seen zombies?

ANAKIN: Eh, you can check my mission reports. Anyways, if you just hand me your credit chit, I can get to buying Obi-Wan that mug, giving Ahsoka the trillion and all that.

PALPATINE: Well, I...

ANAKIN: And if you don't want to go through with this, I'm definitely going to murder you right now. You being a Sith Lord and all that.

PALPATINE: Oh.

ANAKIN: Yeah.

PALPATINE: Well, here's my credit chit.

ANAKIN: Thanks, Sheev! Just one more question. What are you getting out of this?

PALPATINE: ... I'm going to declare myself Emperor and bring about the age of the Sith.

ANAKIN: Okay, that's cool.

PALPATINE: It... is?

ANAKIN: Sure. I mean, you basically are an emperor already, and we have freedom of religion. Just make sure that your Empire is strictly democratic, or else Padmé's going to be mad at me.

PALPATINE: I... what? The purpose of an Empire is to do away with democracy! Cut away the rot of bureaucracy!

ANAKIN: Chancellor, do you remember the conversation we had just now about me murdering you?

PALPATINE: Yes, but you hate the Republic too!

ANAKIN: I know, but work stuff can't come between me and Padmé. One of the rules of a successful marriage. Anyways, get it done. I gotta go buy a mug and some hair cream.

-------------------------------

BREAKING NEWS!

PEACE! Supreme Chancellor / Emperor-Elect Sheev Palpatine has announced the immediate cessation of hostilities between the Republic and the CIS along with a slew of other groundbreaking proposals. The Supreme Chancellor stated that with the death of General Grievous...

The Coruscant Herald spoke with Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, also known as the Negotiator.

"I've got this mug." said Master Kenobi, before launching into a protracted rant about the state of our democracy.

"I got back from Utapau, and Anakin tells me that he 'kind of' turned to the Dark Side. How do you 'kind of' turn? But now we have galactic peace. But we also have an Emperor. Well, in three days we will have an Emperor. But the Emperor is going to have less power than the Supreme Chancellor has right now, and they're the same person. Not to mention that he's the Sith. My entire life has turned into a philosophical nightmare on whether the ends justify the means, and it's all being personified by this blasted mug." ...

Senator Padmé Amidala of Naboo had a brief conversation with the Herald.

"Well, I think of it like a retirement present. A lifetime achievement award. He is an older man, and no doubt he'll abdicate in due time. This will be an interesting footnote in the history of the Republic." ...

Spokesbeing for the Shmi Skywalker Foundation, Anakin Skywalker spoke at length with our reporter.

"Well, we at the Shmi Skywalker Foundation offer only two things: freedom to slaves and death to slavers. And sometimes imprisonment to slavers, because Obi-Wan and Padmé were pretty adamant about that. And also financial aid, legal aid, housing, therapy, et cetera. For the freed people. So I guess we offer more than two things, but they're all good things."

"Sheev? Sheev is great. A nice old man. I think he's going to abdicate in, oh, three years or so? [Editor's Note: Transcript is garbled due to the Emperor-Elect coughing suddenly.] [...Yo]u need a glass of water, Sheev? Get him - yeah, one of you red guys, get him a glass of water. You're not a young man anymore, Sheev. Yeah, I think he'll abdicate within three years."

Emperor-Elect Sheev Palpatine declined to comment at this time.

[thestrangestthlng]

Thoughts and prayers rants...

So, now that I've had almost 48 hours to marinate on this and cycled through my emotions, I am in a much better headspace to talk on the whole 9-1-1 of it all.

But this bears repeating: We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.

So, first and foremost, I've decided that canon stopped for me at 8x05. lol. I am going to continue with my BT train like that shit show didn't happen. And for me, for a while, I am going to let the show end there. I will go back, probably after the hiatus, but not how I was. I do love all the characters on this show (some more than others) and I still want to be able to see their journey, but I need a break from that manipulation stunt. I'm still going to share all the positive BT stuff I see and all the beautiful Lou content I see.

Secondly, now that I am over the initial hurt of the breakup, I'm just mad. We were manipulated intentionally with 8x05 for us to feel worse when the break up happened. That was unnecessary. And that was cruel. And I know that a lot of this is because it was the icing on a shit week. Emotions were already raw due to the election and it was reallllllyyyy bad timing for this, but that doesn't make the way they did it okay, just that it can explain why there was such a strong reaction for many of us, on top of the completely justified anger.

Breakups happen, and that's okay. If it was the end of Tommy's time on the show, that's okay. I am a Buck girlie and I always will be. But... the breakup was reductive, stereotypical, and just poor storytelling. I get they want to leave doors open a crack, because you never truly know, but turning him into an OOC stereotypical biphobic gay man is disgusting. You had this beautiful thing and you shat on it. I am going to do another post about my personal relationship with groundbreaking storylines next.

That was a miscommunication. That was a breakup where someone chases after you and is like wtf actually just happened. It felt like whiplash, because that is not how breakups are formulated in media. You know how else you could have written him out of the story?

At the date (and the basketball tickets are actually a really sweet touch when you think about it) Tommy could have told Buck that he got a job offer in another city or state or that his parents are ill and he has to go home to take care of them and asked Buck to go with him. At the apartment, it could have been buck telling him that as much as he could see a future with him, he can't go with him.

Would it have sucked? Yes. But it wouldn't have induced this amount of rage.

For over six months Lou and BTs have been at the receiving amount of a ton of vitriol. And that's not to say that there weren't antagonizers on this side of the fence or that BTs never did anything wrong, but this isn't a both sides bullshit piece. People can suck everywhere, but only one "side" harassed an actor and his family with death threats, he read about the "stoning" calls, used slurs on a regular basis. All of this persisted for months for it to turn out that he was the only one who seemed to give a shit about the story and it's representation. There honestly doesn't seem like there would have been anyone better for it.

You know what's ironic? It was the Buddie's hate and vitriol that pulled me into fandom and made me love Tommy and then Lou. When they would run their mouths, I would look into it and I found a man who genuinely seems like (he is still someone we don't know) a wonderfully kind, sweethearted, genuine man. He looks like a bundle of light and his smile can warm even the coldest hearts. So their vitriol made me a fan. So thanks BoBs.

Buck and Tommy wasn't just about Buck's queerness and definitely not about "wanting to see two white men kiss". It was about our love for Buck. We saw him happier and more fulfilled than he's ever been. We see his life being lived and full of love and stuff and joy.

Again:

We fell in love with Tommy because he made Buck fall in love with Evan.

And you know what, not matter how reductive and all the phobics that breakup was, they can never take that away from us.

[dnpbeats]

hiii I'm new here and I just cannot believe these guys?? Are these the ones whose relationship was such a "mystery" what haha they literally foreplay on live. I get feral over them being so cute and flirty but I can't imagine the level of shock some of the people longer in the fandom feel? Weren't they always like this I can't imagine not. I mean I recently saw a video here of them doing a live back in the day and phil says they won't get up to more gaming thaf day and dan's going all blushy and flustered. Is this the mystery???

anon firstly welcome <3 secondly.... LOL okay like. yes people have always known they’re together but there were many years where d&p tried to downplay their relationship or at times even outright went against ppl shipping them. I'm assuming you're talking about the livestream they did while on tour. so that was 2018. While this was around the time that d&p started to be more open with how they interacted with each other, keep in mind this was still a year before either of them even came out (though dan started being more open w/ his sexuality around 2016). Before that, it was like Platonic Bros over in danandphil land. In 2012/2013 dan would actively fight with shippers and tell everyone they were idiots for thinking him and phil were together 😭 but it was more than that, they also downplayed a lot of aspects of their relationship. phil went so far as to make up a lie that they met through a mutual friend, they would talk about needing gfs/why they didn’t have them. as far as im aware the first active denial of their relationship was in 2011

to give you more of a sense of what it was like: in 2015, on Oct 19th they were doing a liveshow and acknowledged that it was their “friendiversary” which was like groundbreaking (despite the fact that they were calling each other friends) bc I don’t think they’d ever acknowledged Oct 19th before. When dan made the shipping joke in his diss track everyone lost their minds because, again, before that they either didn’t acknowledge shipping or actively went against it

like. I was in the phandom 2014-2017 and I left for a while. what convinced me to come back? d&p reacting to all the pinofs and phil making “they’re touching” jokes 😭 like honestly. bc when I was first in the phandom, d&p reacting to all the pinofs wasn’t something they really seemed keen to do (see them reacting to pinof 1 in pinof 10 and gtpwtw). but also, poking fun at both shippers and themselves by mocking how ppl used to freak out over them touching isn’t something they would’ve done. phil making that joke is what made me go “oh shit it’s different now.” different bc d&p now acknowledge shipping in a teasing/friendly way (rather than an antagonistic way), and different bc the phandom is also able to look back and go “yeah we were kinda unhinged in 2015” yk?

tldr: them being together was never a mystery but yes, as someone who has been in the phandom a long time, it is still shocking sometimes to see them openly flirting

[leikeliscomet]

The Black Gay Asexual Potential of the Fifteenth Doctor (And Why It Will Never Happen) - Mini Essay

If you're wondering if any of these words are in the Bible, walk with me for a second!

Obviously the Doctor being Black is a huge moment for Black representation but also for Black queer representation in particular. After his smooch with Rogue and alleged hot summer with Houdini, RTD isn't shying away from an openly gay incarnation of the Doctor (bearing in mind, he's not the first as the Doctor's been queer, okay!). Plus the show is fully aware of Ncuti Gatwa's attractiveness with constant references to his hotness throughout the season and Ms Cherry Sunday catching feelings (good for her). But one aspect that's rarely spoken about is Fifteen as an asexual character. If the Doctor is an asexual character being played by a Black man in the main lineup for the very first time, we essentially have the very first Black asexual main character not only in the show's history, but in queer TV/Film history. And that would be huge. Groundbreaking even. But many fans (and likely RTD himself) aren't seeing Fifteen as asexual like previous incarnations. From the cries of the Doctor 'finally' becoming gay (like he didn't lipse Jack back in '05), the Doctor 'finally' becoming hot or the Doctor 'finally' being 'allowed to fuck', it's like Fifteen's asexuality has been erased before it could even exist to begin with. And whilst non-asexual gay identity deserves its representation too, especially as it's lacking for dark skin Black gay men, I can't help noticing the erasure not only of the potential of Fifteen's asexuality, but the non existent conversation about it in the first place and how it feeds into the long erasure of Black and gay identity from the face of the asexual spectrum and asexual representation as a whole.

Black asexual representation is rare, with the only Black asexual main character in film history being Selah Summers of Selah and the Spades. The only Black asexual boy in TV history is the recent character Elijah in Big Mouth. The sexualisation and desexualisation of Blackness play a key role in why Black aces are nonexistent in TV/Film. Through tropes like the Mandingo and the Jezebel and the fetishes of ebony and BBC, Black people are assumed to have an insatiable, animalistic sexual appetite stemming from slavery. Ncuti Gatwa's actually spoken about experiencing this fetishisation in white gay spaces. In reverse, tropes like the Mammy desexualise Black people, Black women especially. If Black people can't serve a sexual purpose then we have no sexuality at all and must give ourselves to exclusively performing domestic and physical labour. When you're asexual these stereotypes manifest in the most confusing way possible. On top of navigating a sexuality that's largely invisible itself already, you're balancing the sexual stereotypes of your desire that don't exist because of your alleged undesirability but also exist strongly enough to stop you from actually being asexual.

Prominent Black aroace activist and model Yasmin Benoit is the prime example as her aspec identity is constantly attacked by white conservatives and white TERFs, claiming she's 'too sexy' to be asexual. Even in outfits where she's fully dressed, the white conservative right sees her as too sexual to be asexual and that she is a 'heterosexual' sexual grifter. In other contexts, white conservatives and TERFs see her as 'sexualising asexuality' because she wears lingerie as a model whilst existing as an aroace (the horror!). In that respect they do recognise asexuality exists, but not for her specifically. Asexuality is real, but not in Black people. These stereotypes also manifest inside the asexual community itself. The image of the asexual in most people's minds, is a nerdy awkward white man (The Sheldon), a smart too-busy-for-a-girlfriend white man (The Sherlock) or if we're really, really lucky, the previous but a white woman (The Florence from Sex Education). Whilst ace visibility slowly grows and progress is still being made, Black asexuality is still missing from the conversation. Plus when you look at 'acceptable' asexual Doctors the incarnations form qwhite an interesting pattern. Socially, the idea of asexuality aligns closer with incarnations like One and Twelve, heavily explaining why claiming those two as ace is least likely to be controversial (The Aztec fans notwithstanding). #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike was created by Benoit for this very reason. Black asexual men in ace activist circles such as Tyger Songbird and Marshall Blount have spoken about the erasure of Black men from asexuality specifically. The stereotypes about Black men's sexuality in particular like the Mandingo, the thug and the player can make it difficult for many Black men to come to terms with asexuality because of the sexual stereotypes they're societally expected to live up to. The Doctor Who fandom played into this a bit as I still remember the jokes about 'BBC having new meaning' once Ncuti Gatwa was cast. Whilst not necessarily hinging on his Blackness, there were also many memes and hyperfocus on Ncuti Gatwa's arse and crotch and large reactions to his nude magazine shoots. Whilst it's important not to stigmatise sexual desire whether it's of Fifteen himself or of the gay, bi and pan fans who find him attractive as their desire towards men is already stigmatised in wider society, sexual attraction to Black people doesn't an ally make. And participation in sex and sexuality is not unconditional, permanent consent. There's a difference between sexual attraction and sexualisation. Recognising someone as sexually attractive isn't at odds with recognising their own autonomy as a sexual being. And shouldn't be. From the already addressed sexualisation and invalidation of Yasmin Benoit's asexuality and aromanticism, the long history of the sexualisation of Black people and the specific sexual stereotyping of Black men, it's no surprise Black asexuality is left as an afterthought or impossibility. The Doctor Who fandom is no different.

From the very real sanitisation and repression of gay sexuality from the banning of gay men's books, criminalisation of homosexuality and 'homosexual acts' and the gay panic of the HIV/AIDS crisis, there's always been a fear and stigmatisation of gay sex and sexuality. But because of this, there's a knee-jerk reaction to sexless gay identity as it's seen as a side effect of gay sanitisation. Gay asexuality can't exist autonomously without being a sign of that repression. Alternatively, because of the sexual puritan idea that being gay is inherently sexually deviant and an inherently sexual identity, the asexual gay man 'can't' exist. This also explains the conservative rhetoric about Fifteen and RTD making the Doctor 'not asexual anymore', because to be gay and asexual in their eyes is an oxymoron due to their homophobia. This also bleeds into the erasure of bi, lesbian and pan asexualities too. As written before in my Thasmin thinkpiece, the Thirteenth Doctor's lack of sexual attraction to Yaz is seen as proof that not only that she doesn't love Yaz, but that Thirteen isn't even a 'real' sapphic or a 'real' strong female character. Under compulsory sexuality (and most Thasmin discoursers apparently) to be a sexually liberated woman and a sapphic means to have sex and sexual attraction. Thirteen's repressed, as in having a sexual attraction yet to be unlocked or a sexual attraction she was 'supposed' to have, but not autonomously ace as in not having it in the first place. So in a similar sense to Fifteen, ace-sapphic Thirteen got her wings clipped before she could ever properly fly. Linking back to gay asexuality specifically, the compulsory sexuality that prevents the acceptance of asexuality and the sexualisation and demonisation of gayness means to be 'to be gay and asexual is to coexist in conflict' according to queer writer Michael Paramo, who's consistently written the about these contradictions as a Mexican gay asexual person.

When gay asexuality and Black asexuality are brought up, it's almost exclusively in the context of desexualisation. Many and frankly too many people use asexual as a synonym for desexualised. This leads to a push to 'stop making POC asexual' and 'stop thinking gay people are asexual' plus constant reminders gay and Black people fuck with to 'correct' a sexlessness that's seen as abnormal for these groups to have, further pushing Black and gay asexuality to the back of a very, very long queue. If your asexuality can't exist because you're an inherently sexual being whether you want to be or not and it can't exist in the space where your sexuality is supposed to be free, where do you go? Where do the Black asexual and the gay asexual go if they aren't supposed to exist in the first place?

So enter the Fifteenth Doctor, we have a golden opportunity right here. Under antiblackness and homophobia wrapped in the ribbon of compulsory sexuality, you have a Black gay asexual incarnation of the Doctor. You have a character navigating layers on layers on layers of contradictions. You can navigate the gay experience in someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. You can navigate the ace experience in someone who experiences romantic attraction to men. You can show two forms of queerness from an underrepresented dark skin Black lens. You show asexuality, Blackness and gay identity in how they overlap, intersect and shape one experience. You're showing a form of queerness that is never, and I mean never shown before.

And that brings me to why I don't think it will ever happen. If series 15, 16 or beyond proves me wrong the 'Black Gay Ace Fifteen is Amazing' thinkpiece will drop with a quickness. Trust me! But, RTD doesn't tend to write asexual characters. He focuses on the experiences of gay and bisexual men, has the occasional lesbian character and some trans characters. Apparently, there's an ace person interviewed in the Tofu web series in the 'Not Having Sex' episode so that's cool, but overall, The Asexual Character written by RTD is yet to be written. And I don't think they'll ever be. I don't expect RTD to write do this because I don't think queer writers, in this case, gay writers writing specifically about their own queerness slightly more than others is weird at all. I'm not surprised RTD writes mostly gay men as a gay man, so I'm not expecting or demanding asexual representation from him specifically. Similarly, from how RTD's written his Black characters in RTD1, I'm really not expecting him to make the next Moonlight. Whilst Roscoe from It's a Sin felt like a breath of fresh Nigerian gay air, this hasn't really translated into RTD2 yet. From 'Do you come in a range of different colours?' to how series 14 had no Black writers at all let alone queer Black ones and the atrocity that was Dot and Bubble, if Fifteen's experience as a Black queer person is missing or fumbled completely I won't be surprised.

That being said, RTD and Doctor Who are fully aware of its reputation as a queer show, as in an umbrella of all gender identities and sexualities. If Doctor Who both in show and fandom are pro-queer, as in embracing all forms of unconventional sexuality, as in being a safe haven for sexuality that's unrepresented and as in challenging the ideas of 'normal' sexuality then asexuality needs to be a part of that. No ifs, buts or excuses. I can't help but notice the coincidence of the Doctor 'not being asexual anymore' alongside the Doctor not being white anymore. And from the deliberate erasure of Black and gay asexuality on screen, inside asexual community and in wider queer community, I can't get behind another form of erasure even if it's accidental. The concept of Fifteen simply being demisexual, greysexual or a sex-favourable ace isn't even entertained in fandom either or the idea that Fifteen never stopped the Doctor's asexuality actually, but instead is just showing a flirty side of it. But even then it begs the question of why being Black and/or gay with no sexual attraction is seen as an impossibility. Why is letting go of sexual expectations of Black and gay people an impossibility? The Doctor Who fandom's and writer's (looking at you Moffat) long fear of asexuality is yet to be unpacked and until that day comes, I don't think we'll get close to any openly asexual doctor, let alone a Black and gay asexual one. Fifteen being asexual wouldn't dampen, sanitise or ruin him as a queer character. He could be flirty as can be, clubbing every night, skimpy outfit wearing, hot summers with Houdini galore and running off with Rogue into the sunset and still be asexual at the end of the day. Asexuality is a massive umbrella of different experiences, perspectives and people. It isn't asexuality that limits people, it's ignorant and restrictive attitudes about queerness that do. Asexuality doesn't, hasn't and will never restrict the Doctor's queerness, but compulsory sexuality does. And will.

I would love to be wrong about this and get bamboozled with Fifteen being written as a gay ace Black man in future series but knowing how RTD does Black characters in Doctor Who and the 'queer hierarchy' of the fandom, I won't be getting my hopes up. All I ask is that fandom and its writers be brave and look at representation different from their own. Something unfamiliar, something new, something borrowed, something blue. You could learn a lot. Queerness is a large umbrella after all. Anything is possible.

[bellyasks]

i been meaning to do some tummyache prompts for dayssss tummyache prompts at last. nothing groundbreaking or original here im just havin fun [no emeto but it could be implied with some of em]

Your character's belly isn't feeling good. Whether they're trying to soothe it or power through it, they think they're finally starting to move past it, when a sudden case of hiccups attacks. Each unwelcome jolt knocks them further away from feeling okay, and draws attention to them as well. Does anybody notice how bad they're feeling? Do they want anybody to notice?

Your character has been feeling terribly nauseous all day. They can't stand it, and they're utterly miserable, on the verge of crying out of discomfort and frustration. How are they dealing with it? Do they have anybody to comfort them?

Your character is feeling bloated and queasy, but they're trying to hide it while spending time with some friends. Unfortunately, the friends are feeling much livelier than your character. They want nothing more than to lay down and take it easy, but their friends are dragging them around like Spongebob at the industrial park. How long do they last before they have to speak up--or before their belly speaks up for them?

Your character wakes up in the middle of the night with an awful tummyache. Maybe something they ate isn't sitting right, maybe they're coming down with something, but it quickly becomes clear that they're not getting back to sleep easily. Their partner is fast asleep beside them. Do they wake their partner, deliberately or accidentally?

Your character is always whining about not feeling good, and they're usually exaggerating or crying wolf, maybe for attention or to get out of something. This time, though, their belly really does feel awful. It's terribly sore, and they can barely move without being overcome with nausea. Does anybody believe them about how bad they feel? If not, what does it take for someone to buy it?

Your character is on an outing with friends/partner(s)/etc. At some point, their tummy started hurting, but, not wanting to spoil the fun for everybody else, they keep quiet about it. Does anybody notice? How long can they keep up the act?

Your character has been looking forward to a special meal all week, but when the day finally comes, they're feeling under the weather. Maybe they ate a little too much earlier in the day, or maybe they're just not feeling too good, but they aren't particularly hungry at all. How do they feel about the situation? Do they try to eat it anyway?

Your character is stuck at work with an upset tummy, and their boss won't let them leave. How does their bellyache affect their job--or how does their job affect their bellyache? Are their coworkers looking out for them, or getting annoyed that they're moving so slow?

Your character is stoic and stone-faced, never showing weakness or discomfort. Unfortunately, they've got an awful stomachache right now, and it may be starting to wear through their tough exterior. How do the people around them react when they notice? How does your character feel about them noticing?

[hopeful-puffin]

Been doing some rereading sporadically through the series again. And I noticed something interesting while perusing Season 3 in particular. Now this probably isn't anything groundbreaking or earth shattering. From what I can gather, I wouldn't be surprised it was entirely intentional as well.

Siren and Fizz are polar opposites.

I know, I know. Swallow your gasps of surprise and stow away those eye rolls. I realized it initially in the obvious differences between how they both view and treat Kappa. Where Siren is gentle, respectful, and worried about, Fizz is possessive, disrespectful, and invasive. Where Siren views Kappa as Kappa, an individual with his own wants, needs, and goals that is not defined by his undesirable title, Fizz only sees said title and what it means for his own benefit.

I could go on and on and on about this until I pass out from exhaustion, but it got me thinking. That can't be their only major difference, right?

Right?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized these two characters are on the opposite end of various spectrums. Case in point; being told "no," particularly from Kappa. When Siren is presented with even a hint of hesitation or discomfort, he immediately backs off with sincere apologies.

He doesn't raise his voice. He even pulls his hands away until Kappa assures him it's okay. Siren maintains this show of respect by asking if he can hold Kappa rather than assuming the confirmation included stronger physical contact.

Fizz, on the other hand, repeatedly gets into Kappa’s bubble, only backing off when someone either makes him (Siren and Fean) or when Kappa flusters him. Despite being repeatedly told "no" to varying degrees, Fizz keeps doing it.

Originally, I chalked this up to being socially unaware or just plain ignorant to social cues that aren't being screamed in his face. That he's just that dense. But then it kept happening.

Don't think Kappa could be clearer short of stating he and Siren are dating. Oh wait. Didn't he already?

Fizz kind of goes quiet at this and avoids it ever coming up again. Going so far as to look and sound disingenuously surprised and perhaps even disappointed when Kappa brings Siren with him to meet with the Flyfin in episode 146.

Which, as we all know, eventually culminates into Kappa telling Fizz off in a much more polite way than I would have been able to handle in this situation. Kudos to Kappa for that.

Oh look. It's the consequences of my own actions. Weird how those keep cropping up at inopportune moments.

And it all came to a head in 165-167. In a display of violence I'm sure I'm not the only one who was surprised by.

Brutality aside, this next panel in particular I feel makes it clear how Fizz truly views Kappa.

Where I had my doubts and concerns were quickly thrown out and confirmed respectively at this very moment. Fizz doesn't see Kappa as an individual. He sees the Beacon as a means to an end; something he can take his anger out on behind closed doors. Where Siren has respect and care, Fizz has possession and hostility.

But this isn't even the first blatant time:

Kappa's value lies only in his title to Fizz. Nothing else should matter, in Fizz's mind, to the coveted Beacon. Honestly, I'm surprised Fizz even calls Kappa by his preferred name. He strikes me as the sort who would deadname a person repeatedly because that's not how he views that individual.

This brings up several more note-worthy differences between Siren and Fizz. Siren handles being told "no" with dignity and consideration for both himself and Kappa. Fizz, on the other hand, resorts to violence and self-righteousness. Hell, even being told "no" by Siren on defense of Kappa not being there to fulfill his dream sets the bastard off into a malicious tirade, all but telling Siren to off himself outright.

At first I thought there was no way Fizz was that damm dense. But, after 166-168, I've come to the conclusion that he really isn't. He's delusional, likely seeing himself as the hero in this story. That Kappa is merely a tool granted to him by God and Siren is just another antagonist getting in his way.

The fact that Fizz resorts to violence like that makes me worried and morbidly curious if he's that way with the other Flyfin, in particular his siblings. Is that why they stay back and let Fizz do whatever he wants? Like disassociating zombies before he unleashes on Kappa? Because he'll lash out on them if they say or do something? Finley, I believe. He is submissive on reflex, even with Siren. He even helps Kappa explain away his illiteracy. It's Fean where I'm unsure. She acts like she has some semblance of control over Fizz (smacking him in my previous example). Still, there is some love between the siblings. Otherwise they wouldn't have gotten so distraught when Siren nearly killed their brother.

But enough about that side-tangent.

Going back a little bit to comment I made earlier, Fizz likely sees himself as a hero trying to save both the Flynfin and the whales (I'm choosing to ignore that last panel in 169 until we get further details). A hero who is met with irritating barriers in the form of the Sluggi baring him from the archive/not wanting to wake the whales and Siren shielding Kappa from Fizz's delusions of grandeur both physically and verbally. Hence Kappa’s accusation that Fizz was trying to get him to push Siren away when he confronts the trio alone.

By contrast, Siren feels immeasurable guilt for not saving his people when he already knows the "cure" to their curse. He doesn't look at his reflection and see a hero worthy of praise and affection. Siren sees someone who is selfish simply for wanting to live despite his people and boyfriend encouraging him to stay alive. Someone who is surrounded by love and support he does not deserve.

I don't think Siren sees himself as a villan, but he certainly could stand to be less harsh himself. Easier said than done, I know. And I love that realism about him.

Both Siren and Fizz want to save their respective people. I don't doubt that. It's one of the only things they have in common. It's a difference of what they are willing to sacrifice in order to reach that lofty goal. Personally? I don't see Fizz as being willing to lay down his life for his own people either, which is rather ironic given his moral high ground shpeal with Siren I touched on earlier.

Last but not least is there willingness to actually be violent. Fizz clearly has zero qualms with it when nobody is around. Siren, on the other hand, seems almost averse to it, outright feeling awkward about using his knife (and even his teeth) initially.

He seems to get over the aversion to use his teeth, but his feelings about his knife linger on.

He is willing to cripple himself (in a way) in order to not make Kappa uncomfortable anymore. Despite it more or less being a heirloom of his father. Siren doesn't even reach for it when he knows Kappa is in danger. You could call this a slip of the mind due to his panic or being in a rush. I like to think knowing Kappa is afraid of it played into this decision as well. And Siren proves once and for all he's not above using his teeth anymore either!

Despite his protective rage, Siren is still shocked to realize how violent he's become.

I didn't sign up for this psychological warfare, but damn if I'm not staying here for it!

Fizz, but contrast, while he has no weapons so to speak, is not above using his fists. Consciously battering someone weaker than him. All too happy to resort to torture even.

This guy is sadistic enough to see that look on Kappa's face and be excited about the mental and physical pain he's about to inflict on his perceived prey. Thank the surface Kappa was able to draw his own blood, which is not a sentence I thought I would ever say.

Compare that to Siren as soon as he realized what Kappa was afraid of:

There is no joy in Siren's eyes as he takes in Kappa’s look of fear. He wants to make things right, going so far as to stow his weapon out of sight before trying to approach Kappa again. When Kappa eventually flees, Siren respects the decision and does not follow despite everything in him screaming to give chase.

Long winded story short, I love the intentional differences between these two.

One last unrelated comparison before I hit the road (because I absolutely love finding these sprinkled throughout this amazing story):

That despite being "imprisoned" by the other, they're both happy. That first panel, by the way, is still one of the most heartbreaking ones to me in the entire comic. Just the implications behind it all, fortified by the later treatment at the hands of Fizz, is just chef's kiss.

Also damn this 30 image limit! I had to remove a few panels, but I hope my point(s) still comes across.

[beauty-and-passion]

This is going to sound really strange but the most recent GRWM video has. Some of the best Janus characterisation I think we’ve seen in a while?? Also he canonically sheds now, so

You are not wrong, anon: this is the best characterization in a while. It's way better than the last one, in which Janus was mostly a drunk idiot, and it's way worse than SvS. This one sits in the middle: it's not bad, it's not amazing. It's good.

Just like Mr. Sanders' last videos regarding Sanders Sides, this GRWM is okay. Not groundbreaking, not impressive, not deep, not stupid. Just okay.

And trust me, this is the best possible outcome! When I found out Thomas was planning a video with Janus and it was a GRWM and Janus had questions to answer... I wasn't just scared, oh no. I was absolutely terrified. I feared to see the destruction of Janus' character. I feared to see him being all like: "YASSS QUEEN all I love is WINE and nothing else, also being SASSY is my religion BIATCH".

And we got a bit of that, sure. But it was a bit, not the avalanche I expected. I was bearable.

After all, this is just a random video. There's nothing plot-related here. Heck, there's not even too much Sanders Sides stuff, because this GRWM clearly was Thomas' attempts to reconnect with the character. I shouldn't care too much about it. I shouldn't overanalyze it.

But you know me: you know I love to over-analyze. And if you know me, you also know that Remus is my favorite child, but Janus has a special place in my heart and if one little thing about him is off I will start rambling.

Hence why I will overanalyze the shit out of these 9 minutes of a video and I will do what I shouldn't do, i.e. look back into the past's characterization. Not for shaming Mr. Sanders for not remembering it (even if the videos still exist and he can watch them too if he wants), but to remind you all of Janus' personality. The public needs to remember what kind of character he was and who he became.

So I'll over-analyze everything and no, you can't escape. You're stuck with me here, so put your seatbelt on, because you're in for one of the things I love the most: talking about Janus.

The importance of nuance

Let's talk about make-up a little bit. Don't worry, by the end you will understand my point.

The current make-up isn't even comparable to the past one. And if a lot of people complain about it and prefer the old one, it's not because they're all demanding: it's because of nuances.

Let me explain and let's start with the current photo Mr. Sanders showed to promote the GRWM video:

If you look at this make-up, your eyes will inevitably be drawn towards that sharp black line. And as soon as you will look at it, you will immediately register it as a drawn line.

It's so clear and so evident it's a line, I can literally see the black liquid eyeliner, the tip and the hand tracing that line on Thomas' skin.

But this line isn't supposed to be a line: it's supposed to be/resemble a snake's mouth.

Now, look at the past make-up:

The line isn't sharp black: the line is nuanced. You can see a bit of brown and a hint of red/pink to give it depth and emphasize the shadow.

Also, this color is very similar to the little shadow given by Thomas' upper lip on the lower one, so it looks more natural against his skin tone. It doesn't seem like something added on him, but on something that was already part of him. And isn't that the goal of make-up? To add something and disappear, so people won't notice it exists in the first place?

Look at the eye as well: the past one is a softer, more nuanced pink. It looks more natural, against Thomas' skin tone. The present one is so dark, it looks more like a bad bruise.

So the problem with the current make-up isn't just that the colors aren't the same: it's that the current colors are too much. They're too sharp, too saturated and, consequently, too fake. It's clear that Thomas wears make-up, while in the past the blend was softer, the colors closer to Thomas' actual complexion. Consequently, the make-up faded and gave us an illusion of reality.

I know Mr. Sanders had skin conditions and everything, but I'm talking about colors and nuances here. Two things a make-up artist should know better than me, an idiot on the Internet who loves art, color theory and learns from artists on the web. You can obtain these things independently of the used products.

So my opinion on the make-up would be: please Mr. Sanders, switch for softer tones, no sharp black and no coral. Too much. Nuance is the key.

And not just for make-up.

---

The fakeness of reality tv

Janus enjoys reality television because nothing about it is real. His specific words are:

I very much enjoy reality television: the scheming, the plotting, the lying. Every person for himself and even on top of that, all of the production none of reality television is actually real. It's just delightful.

I get the idea behind it and I understand why Thomas thought it was a good choice. On paper, it works: Janus should enjoy this kind of show because it's made of lies and he's Deceit.

But if I follow this line of thought, I inevitably meet with Janus from Into the Unknown:

[Patton]: Well yeah I guess you'd like it, everyone all dressed up, disguised as someone else... [Janus]: How is it we've had so many of these visits and you still know so little about me?

Janus himself said that not everything associated with lies is something he enjoys. And it makes sense, because Logan too said the same thing in the last Aside:

"Is that all I am to you? The reading guy?"

So now I'm asking: why does he like reality tv? Just because it's fake? Then why is he so happy about it being fake? Reality tv should represent reality, it should mirror how society works. And thanks to SvS, we know Janus doesn't hold society into high consideration:

[Deceit]: Society itself is a lie! (...) You get enough people to share a piece of land and breathe the same air and... you've got a society. Why? It's just a bunch of people in the same general area. It's an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed! But we obey these rules or get punished for breaking them. All in the name of society. It's absurd and terrifying.

Just like society, reality tv has a group of people put together and they make a society. It's an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed. And these people must obey the rules or get punished for breaking them.

And yet, Janus doesn't think reality tv is "absurd and terrifying", but "delightful".

Again: why does he like it? Why does he like something so similar to what he hates most?

Maybe you can live with the "It's fake" explanation and that's good for you. But what if instead of liking reality tv because "it's fake", Janus likes it, because it perfectly mirrors the flaws and the emptiness of society? What if he enjoys it, because he loves the irony of society using its own means to unmask itself and show its real face? What if he watches it, not because "it's delightful", but because it's bittersweet to see such an inability to understand your own flaws?

Which explanation do you think is more fitting for his character?

---

Remus eats glue sticks

Of course he does. His digestive system is probably able to digest molten lava, so glue sticks are a walk in the park for him, bless his chaotic soul <3

(Have I already said Remus is my favorite boi?)

---

The possibilities of shedding

Okay, the "Have you considered not having pores?" is hilarious and I love it on multiple levels.

Well, here we are. Janus sheds, two to four times a year. And I know the fandom went crazy over this and I'm happy for you... but I never really cared too much about it.

I mean: it's fine, but I can't really think of anything truly special to headcanon about it. Snakes shed their skin all the time and they just chill around, while slowly peeling their skin off. It's not dangerous, it doesn't hurt, it's just exfoliation time✨. I mean, does it hurt you, when you remove sunburnt skin? Don't think so. The worst thing for snakes is probably not being able to take the skin off with hands, since they don't have hands.

But hey, this is canon now, so I should probably integrate it in my headcanon. And I can do it in two different ways:

The shedding is just part of Janus' routine: twice a year he gets one day off, takes a reeeeally long bath and slowly peels off his skin until he's done.

I can take inspiration from this fanart and imagine the shedding as a real "leaving your body behind" process, in which Janus slowly gets submerged into his room and re-emerges as a form of pure power and instincts, which then solidifies into a new body. I think I like this idea more, because when I go with Janus, I need something that makes him look either more god-like or more monster-like.

And since we're talking about snake traits, how many more does he have? Because I already added a few on my list, like:

sunbathing

climbing trees

laying everywhere (especially on trees)

taking long relaxing baths

And I'm just waiting for an excuse to add "mating". But I suppose only future will tell.

---

What you don't like

"An important aspect of being oneself, in addition to knowing what you like, is knowing what you don't like and saying to that thing: ew get away from me, I don't like you... Roman"

Okay, that was genuinely funny and it made me smile, so kudos for that, Mr. Sanders. It was a clever move and I enjoyed it.

Also, for more reasons I will explain further down, this makes me want to write a conversation between Janus and Roman, to study how they work together, why they don't like each other and their personalities in general. My only problem would be to put it on a timeline, because I don't like to write things suspended in a temporal vacuum. If inspiration strikes, maybe I'll do it.

---

Religion... and self-preservation

Now, I don't know who made that question about Jesus Christ, but you. You. You gave me real fear... but also indirectly confirmed one of my headcanons, so thank you, I suppose.

I was bracing myself, waiting and hoping Thomas didn't say anything stupid, because Janus and religion have a super tight bond and one misstep can lead to me rambling for the rest of my life, all while throwing canon into the trash because no one can say anything wrong about the relationship Janus has with religion, not even Mr. Sanders.

But the answer was... okay. Harmless. A bit simplistic, maybe, but I can accept Janus saying that Jesus is cool for having followers and turning water into wine.

What really struck me the most was when he said Jesus is his style because "he refuses to die".

For me, that's the most important part of the video. You can take away everything else, because this is the only part that matters for me.

Why? Because this is the essence of self-preservation. Because, as I said in the past, self-preservation is that force that protects you from dangers, threats, even yourself. And it protects you from death. It's part of that intrinsic will to live that defines all living creatures.

So, since Janus encompasses this role too, it has always been implied (at least for me) that he's that force that will fight against death until the end, just to make Thomas live a little longer. In my headcanon, he literally refuses to think Thomas can die before his time, because he's built to not make this happen.

Hence why when I saw Janus putting such emphasis on the idea that Jesus refuses to die made me immensely happy, because it's (implied) canon. Janus refuses to die, because he will never surrender to death. Because it's his nature, to never surrender to it.

---

Deceit or Ego?

The snake telepathy part was fun when mentioned, then it was followed by the "memememe I'm gorgeous" part, which is perfect if you're the representation of Ego, a bit less if you're deceit.

Speaking of that, I think there's a bit of confusion in Thomas' mind regarding these two aspects. And since they're represented by two different Sides, the contrast is even more jarring.

Janus is confident and this is part of his personality. But confidence isn't repeating "me" in your head 400 times and telling yourself that you're gorgeous and handsome even when sitting still. This isn't confidence, this is Ego. This is something Roman could say to himself... and he did it, in the past. He looked at himself all the time, called himself gorgeous, asked if his makeup was okay because the prince's gonna slay, said he dramatically serenaded himself in front of the mirror. All these things are a constant reconfirmation of yourself and this is what the Ego does: it constantly reconfirms you're great and cool and gorgeous.

Confidence, on the other hand, doesn't need constant confirmations. If you're confident, you already know you're great, you don't need to repeat it yourself. You just do your things and if others criticize you, you shrug their reprimands off.

One example of confidence from this video? This part:

"What are my guilty pleasures?" Guilty pleasures? Why would a pleasure be guilty? I've got none of those. Indulge in your pleasures guilt-free, people: life is short.

This proves Janus is confident, WAY MORE than him repeating how cool he is. This is the tone he should've had for most of the video, not that "Oh, look at how cool I am".

Also because it may seem a paradox, but the more you repeat how cool you are, the less people will believe you. That's why people who constantly show off are perceived as weak and insecure: because they search for a constant reconfirmation they would probably never need, if they were truly confident.

---

All of the selfcare - and what else?

Aside from the things I already mentioned, the rest of the video is mostly made of advice like "your opinion is the only one that matters/others are less than you/don't give a shit about others".

I don't know if this is Mr. Sanders making a reminder to himself to not indulge in criticism too much, but okay, let's ignore it XD

These pieces of advice can all be traced back to another aspect of Janus' personality: the self-care one. The last canonical one.

And since it's the last, I can understand why Thomas latched onto it and made it be like 60% of the video. It's probably the part of Janus' character he remembers the most.

And it's the easiest too, along with the "sassy" aspect. Put them together and you get the sassy queen who tells you to relax dear, don't give a fuck about the rest of the world.

So I understand you, anon, when you say this is the best characterization in a while: it is, because it's based on the last canonical piece of Janus' character, mixed with the "sassy" aspect that developed more recently. Of course it seems more coherent with Janus' character, compared to him being drunk for an entire video.

But even if canonical, self-care is just an aspect of Janus' personality and it makes most of the video. The remaining part is a huge amount of Ego, which shouldn't even be here, because it's Roman's trait.

And the other aspects? Nowhere to be seen. No distaste for society, no cryptic language, no wittiness, barely any lie, barely any real confidence, barely any body language and zero foreseeing ability.

I know what you're thinking and yes, I said at the beginning that this video is clearly just a way for Mr. Sanders to reconnect with the character. So I understand why Janus' personality is like that and that there are mistakes or incomplete things. I am not blaming Thomas for trying.

I am writing this post, to remind you Janus' full personality. To remind you that he's not just "sassy wine aunt/self-care queen".

On the contrary, I think present Janus is exactly like his make-up: the traits are similar to the original one, but the aspects are too sharp. They should be here, they are part of him, but they're not in the exact shade or nuance to be him. They are similar, but off, because something is missing. And that something is nuance.

In the end, that's what this post is all about: nuance. Past Janus was more nuanced, because he was more than one aspect. Present Janus is less nuanced, because he's stuck between two aspects - which is a truly cruel irony, considering his entire thing is being a gray, multifaceted character.

My only hope is that, just like with the make-up, Mr. Sanders will find a way to bring nuances back into Janus' character and make him at least similar to who he used to be.

[ofmdsalt]

i do think it’s funny that the gentlebeardies who proclaim their love for the revenge crew don’t actually talk that much about or create content for the revenge crew. they don’t give a shit about the “boatful of queer poc that Izzy sold out” (LMFAO) unless they can use the crew’s diversity as some kind of moral gotcha. they care about GB because that’s the only thing that matters about the show in their eyes. and it’s so fucking unoriginal!!! just endless regurgitated post about “omg they’re soooo in love~~ and isn’t it great that love conquered all their problems~~!” it’s unoriginal derivative dreck unless they have to invent new ways to lie about how izzy deserves the death penalty.

oh anon you get me

you have no idea how much i hate the diversity of the crew being used as a literal weapon in this fandom when it comes to demonizing izzy and washing Ed and Stede of any of their wrong doings.

im frustrated by the use of the crew in season 2 only because it was so painfully obvious to me that the budget cuts really affected the ensemble. the way the Swede and Buttons were written out of the show felt rushed and like it came out of nowhere, especially as those two characters, felt the 'least' developed out of the rest of them. so giving them both this long winded set up to be written out was too clunky for me.

i miss when Frenchie was singing and strumming along on his lute. i miss when Jim was Jim, because lbr that was Vico in s2. it just felt like Jim wasn't there anymore. i can't say what happened in the writer's room at that time or what sort of material Vico was given or if it skewed more to improve, but a lot of what was established for the characters in s1 was missing for me.

the rhetoric of this being the Ed&Stede show i think did more harm than good. the assertion that the other characters are only here in service of Ed and Stede's development reduces the sense of scale and scope and also agency these characters have.

a lot of the foundational aspects of GB as a ship i think falls a bit too much into fan service. people talk about how revolutionary and groundbreaking the ship is as a cis gay couple on screen. as if it hasn't been seen before. like i didn't get the wow moment of Stede in the mermaid costume as other fans did. Stede's dream at the beginning of season 2 with him killing Izzy and then colliding with Ed in this romantic gesture of love and passion on the beach is straight up fantasy for Stede, but i think fans took the idea of Stede literally killing Izzy a bit too seriously because that is Stede's fantasy. he wanted his reunion with Ed to be simple and understandable. that it was all Izzy's fault when the reality of the situation was so much messier and complicated. like David and the writers were literally telling us that Izzy is not the enemy here because this moment on the beach was pure fantasy. and fantasies can be dangerous

and then the fans said that Izzy deserved it, should have had his second leg shot and amputated, that he deserved to die, that he's still a nuisance even in death despite the fact that he's dead. that is both a master manipulator but also a cringe fail loser incapable of doing anything right. and it's like. okay. you don't seem to understand this character either.

like a lot of the problems in this fandom have existed before and will continue to exist in other iterations. every fandom has its ship wars. every fandom has long ass call out posts about characters they don't like. but let's not pretend this is anything revolutionary

what i've noticed is that this fandom will reach a burnout period and it's probably already upon us. the constant need to be like 'we're trending!!' when all algorithms are dog shit and glitchy as hell doesn't mean anything. plus the fact that there are only two seasons, less BTS content to go around, it's all coming from the same overdrawn well and eventually it will come up empty.

it's okay to step back. it's okay to leave a fandom for a bit and come back to it years down the road. it's okay. but all of this is exhausting

[shiftylinguini]

Fuck I Can't Write Crisis Pack:

@phoebe-delia asked in response to this fun lil ask game:

Do you have any advice for getting out of a slump/getting writing confidence back? . (for the ask anything) Do you have any advice for getting out of a slump/getting writing confidence back?

Now THIS. This is a good question, and something that is very much on my mind and has been for a while, as I am currently absolutely in the midst of this and trying to army crawl my way out. I don't have any magic bullets (is that the saying? idk) but I have been here before and i do have a small arsenal of tips or methods that I find can help me. 

Here is my Fuck I Can't Write Crisis Pack (In no particular order):

Write anything 

This is hardly groundbreaking advice, and it's also the hardest thing to actually do (imo) so do not beat yourself up if it takes a while to get to this. Basically, write ANYTHING―it can be aimless, it can be pointless, it can be crap (crap is subjective!! don't let the brain gremlins win!!). 

Don't think about posting it, don't worry about anyone else ever reading it, just fling a few words onto a page and feel the rusty faucet turn on, proving to yourself that it still works. 

Try and sus out what it is that's blocking you 

Again this one is hard and annoying but functional. Once you can put your finger on the particular reason you're staring at a flashing black line on a blank page it can help you kick that reason off your lawn and into the bin. 

And then, take it out of the bin and be kind to yourself about whatever that reason is. Maybe you feel shit because you're comparing yourself to others, your last fic felt like a lead balloon, you can't muster enthusiasm for what you once loved doing and fear that it's gone forever, you're projecting in a Tumblr post―whatever it is, it's something all the writers you admire and aspire to be like have felt, and been annoyed with themselves for, and so you can wrap it up in a blanket and put it on a shelf and be kind to it so it, (respectfully) shuts the fuck up. 

(and remember, everyone feels insecure about their stuff. Like literally everyone, at some stage, feels like their stuff is rubbish)

Cheat on your OTP 

Okay this one might not work for everyone, but it really does for me lol. Ruts (not the sexy kind) can often come with not wanting to engage in my usual ships, being annoyed by my lack of ability to fucking write them/anything/all my ideas taste like cardboard/bleh, and stepping out on them and reading something new can snap me out of it. Just, an injection of new ideas or scenarios or words or even just a little reprieve from being fed up with myself, which ideally, is why we're all here anyway. 

(And then I come crawling back, and am welcomed with open arms haha)

In a similar vein:

Engage in media 

This subtitle is genuinely terrible, i am sorry, LMAO, but essentially: find a piece of media that makes you go "oh, helLO sailor", unhinge your jaw like a snake, and consume it whole. 

Let it nourish you, inspire you, excite you, making you feel SOMETHING, and then take that and think "fuck, what if i wrote bleepbloopblarp" and even if you write nary a single word, you've thought about it and that fucking counts. 

It might be an album, a book, a song, a show, gifs of a hot person, the wikipedia summary of a movie, literally anything counts here if it makes you feel a twinge of creativity. 

Ask yourself, what would Astolat do? 

No for real. @candybarrnerd and I genuinely use this haha.  

Worried your idea is stupid? Astolat would say write it. 

Worried it's too weird? Nah, just write it. 

It's dumb and no one will read it? Just write it for you *waggles eyebrows* (and then find out that yeah, nah, someone else will absolutely read this and be real fucking happy about it haha.)

Worried you're a one trick pony and have already written this fic before, like, and not even once before, and also you're projecting again in Tumblr post? WRITE IT AGAIN! As Astolat once said, "it's a fic so nice, I wrote it thrice". 

It's good advice. 

Make a friend or lean hard on the ones you have here

Misery loves company because it knows they'll come out of this together :). I know, I know, that's fucking NAFF, but fandom is all about finding like-minded freaks and blowing up their DMs because you saw a gif and now feel a kind of ways about it. 

And lastly: 

FUCK STATS! 

I mean I love stats (yay validation!), but god can they make you feel like a worthless shit (hey where did my validation go :((( ). It can be really insidious, so piss that right off when it starts to fuck with your confidence or outlook on your own writing.

Hopefully there is something useful here, even if it's just looking at this advice and thinking "no that's shit, it's writing POISON" cos then you can maybe do the version you think is NOT shit, and that might work. 

Good luck, fellow travelers!!

[miqotepotatoe]

Here's what I think your favourite Ninjago ship says about you (made with plz don't take seriously)

Jaya - You definately pick a ship in the begining and you stick with it which isn't usually a problem because as seen here you're usually right

Lava - Same as the first person but you're usually wrong

Bruise - Aw this is your favourite ship? Wow I can't beleive you never told your crush how you feel about them that's really sad

Scruff - I'm gonna be real with you guys until recently I didn't know people shipped this unironicly I thought it was a joke and that's all I'm gonna say on it

Gemstone - These characters interacted maybe one time but that will not stop you from shipping them

Pixane - So it doesn't need to be like your OTP or anything but this is kind of a general rule if you don't ship this I don't trust you does that make sense

Greenflame - On the other hand if you do ship this I also don't trust you GET OUT!!!

Opposite - Yeah we can be friends I can see it

Survival - This is your favourite ship holy shit you got a lot of willpower

Glacier - I could see this happening like it's not a groundbreaking ship or anything but like it's a ship and it's cute I could get behind this

Conya - Really? Like objectively there's nothing wrong with this ship but like you're really sticking with that okay

Mudshock - You really said fuck the love triange or whatever shape it's become

Polyninja - You have wonderful taste in ships

[lost-inanotherlife]

If you had to convince someone to watch lost what arguments would you use?

Now this is a great and very difficult question, dear Anon.

The thing is that Lost has a bit of a bad rep because of its finale. 14 years later people are still very bitter about it and some of them also still hold a grudge against Damon Lindelof which okay but chill, folks.

And I understand that, well, i do up to a point at least. The issue is that the discourse frames Lost as a series that's not worth watching because it supposedly lacks payoff and this is just unfair (and incorrect, but that's an argument for another day).

Having said that, my arguments will be the following:

it's a show that doesn't feel cheap. Many shows nowadays do. Very small cast, very set-like settings, you can sense the plot is constrained by production's demands. This doesn't happen with Lost. There are scenes in the water, underwater, on the beach, on the beach at night, in the jungle, in a subterranean bunker, there are aircrafts' remains, fighting scenes in the rain... you name it, you got it in Lost. They don't make shows like that anymore. The cast has, like, 20 people in it or something and all, ALL characters are fleshed-out, they are ALL convincing and very well played by the actors. They deliver dialogues that are brilliantly written but that also sound like real, normal sentences people would actually say. 20 years later and Lost S1 still feels contemporary, it's a fucking miracle. There are very few shows that can say the same thing.

the writers have a superb command of the storytelling craft. It's old school but also innovative. Lost was groundbreaking as far as TV storytelling goes. They wrote TV history. You can't say "cliffhanger" today without thinking of Lost. What I mean is that this is a compelling story and you're bound to be hooked on it. With Lost you're in for an experience that can verge on the existential. And I'm not joking.

Talking about existentialism: Lost's themes, they are universal. Destiny vs Free Will? Science vs Faith? Moving on from one's past? I mean, come on. From S1E1 the show goes hard on this stuff thanks to an array of deeply flawed characters that might not be liked by all but that you can't but sympathize with because of how deeply human they are. It's a show that talks about humanity standing in front of Big Questions and how each one of us replies differently to them. These questions are, of course, still relevant to this day, making Lost a sort of universal show. You can watch it in 10 years' time and you'll still find these questions interesting.

So, to sum it up, I'd say that Lost is 100% worth watching today because it's still relevant, it feels like you're actually watching a show and not actors playing in a setting and the writing is so fucking good you'll find yourself addicted to it in a hearbeat.

Have I convinced anyone? Eheheh!