#but it's nice to indulge every now and then
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atomite-ton · 3 days ago
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ghost always had the default alarm set to wake him up in the mornings. specifically the loud, jarring, classic iphone alarm that would jolt him up and out of bed at 5am sharp every day. he never thought anything of it, never felt the need to change it. it did the job, after all.
until johnny.
the first night they'd slept in the same bed- simon curled up with his upper half sprawled over johnny's chest and his head tucked under his chin- the alarm had sent johnny shooting out of bed in a jolt so violent, they had both ended up tangled on the floor.
after that, johnny had stoutly refused to go anywhere near simon's bed until he changed the sound to something a little less heart-attack inducing.
and so, simon had fiddled around with his alarm setting until they settled on something a little softer. it was nice in a way he had never considered, waking up to the cheerful clanging of distant bells, rather than the harsh blaring he was used to.
it allowed him some time to breath, to indulge in the warm body pressed against his own. simon treasured those stolen moments, wrapped around each other, trading sleepy kisses before it was time to rise and face the day.
even now, alone in the bed that had only just started to adapt to consistent warmth, the tune stays the same.
even as the choir of bells grate against his ears, once soothing, now too akin to the church bells that rang hollow and foreboding, he keeps it. call it masochism, call it sentimentality, he cant bring himself to switch it back.
he knows johnny would want him to keep it, if only to make the mornings a little softer. johnny always wanted him to indulge in the little comforts of life, and even now, simon will always be helpless to obey his every whim.
and so, he continues to rise to distant bells, thinks of his johnny, and faces the day anew.
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kyunniebuns · 13 hours ago
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˗ˏˋ Entry : 057 - Lover! Sung Jinwoo x Fem! Reader: Drabbles ◛⑅·˚ ♡ ˎˊ˗
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚ 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠 ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
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╰┈➤ ❝ [ Every Little Thing You Are ] ¡! ❞
[ Why are you still awake? ] [ I don't have my online status on how'd u know:0? ] [ Instinct. ] [ Lmfao what is that supposed to mean? ] [ Get off the game. ] [ DD:] [ I'm picking you up in five minutes, we're taking a walk ]
Why does your boyfriend suddenly sound like a mom out of nowhere, hahah? No wonder Jin-ah occasionally complains to you, her brother is basically an annoying mama hen habitually.
So, you awkwardly dress for the cold outside on top of your pajamas and wait for Jinwoo to arrive on your front door.
You really only waited for three minutes and he's already there, pressing the doorbell.
"You are such a handful"— Was the first thing Jinwoo said when you opened the door for him. "You stay up until late at night and then complain the next day that you feel drowsy and tired."
"...Okay, mom" You pout, earning a flick on the forehead from your own lover before intertwining your fingers together.
"I'm your boyfriend" He corrects,
"Well, it's not my fault you appear more like a mom sometimes" You quip back and he could only sigh at your stubborness
꒰ .... ꒱
Midnight walks was Jinwoo's preferred method of easing you into the night. He knew you had trouble sleeping on most nights due to stress and anxiety. He wasn't the kind of boyfriend who would bug you to tell him about your day, he lets you vent to him when he knows you're ready to start explaining how your day is comptely terrible.
When you're agitated, he doesn't enjoy it.
Not that you take your anger out on your beloved.
Of course not, neither of you will ever land a hand on one another. Well, to be frank, even if you do hit Jinwoo— he wouldn't really care.
But tonight? The priority is to tire you out for an instant knockout.
The only thing that broke the serene silence between the both of you is the crunching of grass and gravel underneath the both of you as the chilly breeze whistles on the air.
You could feel Jinwoo squeeze your hand more, as if reminding you that you aren't alone at the moment and you don't have to be so stiff in the face of such the cast darkness of the park you're both taking your walk in.
"Hey, take a look" Jinwoo peers behind a bush where a frog is croaking.
"Eek!" You squeak, backing up immeadiately.
"???" Your lover blinks, "It's just a frog"
Well it's a slimy little thing but it's not bad compared to the horrors he had gone through with the gates before regressing through time.
"Sung Jinwoo, put that down right now!" You cry out as Jinwoo picked up the frog with his gloved left hand.
"Come on, it's a bit cute actually" Jinwoo smiles, as if he was brewing evil in that stupidly fluffy head of his.
And just like you expected, he started chasing you around with the frog croaking (maybe crying). While you sob for mercy, Jinwoo is laughing in bliss at messing around.
"What are you, five?!"
"Nah, it's just cute at how scared you are"
"I'm breaking up with you!"
"Hahah, nice try"
You were about to ball out of the park until Jinwoo yanked you back by your waist.
"Ew, ew, ew!" You squirm, "Don't hold me with your slimy hand!"
He mused, "I removed the glove, why are you still so cranky?"
"No!"
You whine and attempt to free yourself but his hold on you is as steady and unmoving as a mountain.
"Done?" Jinwoo asks, rubbing your stomach affectionately when you finally stopped struggling against him.
"You just brought me out here to make fun of me" You glare at him,
Jinwoo chuckles, pecking your lips briefly. "Maybe?"
"I'm really breaking up with you"
"Very funny."
He knows you'll never leave him anyway, just as he is in too deep in this whirlwind of love— So are you.
Only that Jinwoo is willing to do so much more in the name of his affections for you.
But that's a story for another day and another time, right now— He just wants to indulge in you underneath this moonlit evening.
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꒰ 🪼 A/N: I'm very burnt out atm, I'll rest up for a bit before I start doing more fics and such. I have a lot of things in mind to do including lads and hsr. I'm very tired atm for no reason ahahahsa I jst wanna sleep. So please excuse me for this terrible short fluff ꒱
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ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .。✧: ~ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.
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innocha-childa · 8 months ago
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trend that sorta spoke to me (alternate target in cut below)
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aforementioned alternate target
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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago
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how I like to imagine lucanis is feeling about being dragged along to the grand necropolis every other day in this playthrough... it's about the duality of
all the walking dressed up skeletons and other assorted body parts strewn around: undeniably kind of bad and creepy. how the fuck is it so cold and windy down here all the time rook is just a slip of a thing how are they not shivering constantly. should I get him a nice warm scarf or would that be against his sense of swag as a watcher I am currently being made to think way too much about spirit possession (these weirdos seem to think it can be benign???? it does NOT feel benign). someone might have worked very hard to get those bones to lie still and dead on the ground it seems disrespectful to that hard work to make the bones get back up again and dance a jig like this. is all I'm saying
vs.
hearing rook speak to spirits and wayward wisps with kind calm authorativeness and care and generally show a whole new side of competence and knowledge they've kept close to the chest so far: ...this better not awaken anything in me (challenge failed)
(rook who's anxiously trying to gauge if the skeletons are going to be a dealbreaker fondly reminiscing 'oh I had my first kiss over there by the van markham mausoleum from the latter part of the steel age actually' and lucanis having to admit 'this does explain some things about you'. there must be some kind of comfort in feeling like you're too removed from the normal human experience anymore to connect with someone only to find that the person you're growing a terrible crush on had barely ever seen the sun until the age of like 34 and thinks this place is the height of normalcy. lucanis' broody line where he's like 'I only know death' and ingellvar both meaningfully and amusedly raising their eyebrows like 'yeah? uh-huh? please, say more' fhdskjaf. i'm sorry you've had your freak matched lucanis I'm sure it's a bit disorienting but we'll figure this out together yet. two little death dudes sitting in a tree k i s s i n g and also trying to figure out the 'life' part of things together)
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lavenoon · 2 years ago
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Eclipse tries to make a point, both wins and loses and wins again <3
@naffeclipse I don't have any bells to share, but I can do embroidery >:3c
*self insert is not a girl (he/ she)
og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!
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radioiaci · 20 hours ago
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He will have to keep it to himself that he has often wondered exactly how that pig of Angel's might taste. But there is enough food in the hotel kitchens to keep him from chasing that particular rabbit. Especially since he is certain it will curry him no favor. He will have to be polite to the creature if he is to remain in Angel's good graces. (Though when he has begun to consider that he wants to remain in Angel's good graces is of some intrigue that he will need to further investigate later.)
Alastor finds flattery in Angel's compliments of his eggs, simple though he finds the recipe to be. With some manner of pride, the radio demon carries himself as the other seems to indulge in the meal overall. And he himself cannot keep expressions of appreciation at bay when he finally tries the steak that the other has prepared to near perfection.
"They are really only secondary to this beef," he says, offering Angel Dust a compliment of his own. "Together, I think they blend quite nicely. Maybe this is a recipe I'll work into the hotel circulation for the others."
It is more savory than he thinks many will want to enjoy on a regular basis, but a special treat every now and again will be hard to turn down. Especially if it is cut with some sweeter offerings of fruit or pastries that can be paired alongside. Things Alastor does not typically enjoy but he knows he is a bit of an outlier in that way.
"I appreciate you taking the time to make it with me."
Alastor is not above giving praise of his own, when it is rightfully deserved. And maybe there is some gratitude in the statement that he has yet to give for their night together too, though he does not explicitly say as much.
"I am expecting you, however, to actually make an attempt at some rest today." It is a statement said with some manner of side-eye. If Angel Dust has yet to truly get any sleep, even in the form of a nap at some point, then he is certain that it will be obvious to the Princess. And any other residents who might try to fenagle the Sinner into some exercise or other.
"I can come up with an excuse for you, if you'd like."
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“Hm, even for a pig, he ain’t a squealer. And I guess he ain’t one for words neither. Either way his Daddy ain’t raised no snitch! He likes to steal snacks though, I gotta make sure he has a supply, or things would go missin’!”
Angel chuckles softly, ease working its way through him as he feels the welcome warmth of what had to be… a form of camaraderie, friendliness that made it a little easier to breathe with him. And perhaps that might be the delectable smell of the meal they’d cooked together. But, you know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is said to be through the stomach! Even if that statement is in no way anatomically correct… There is something magical about sharing a meal, he can’t deny.
That- it is something he can say for certain. He often lacks suitable time or energy, quite familiar with the situation of being needed in one place or another, or being busy. Often he finds that if he isn’t here before the others rise, then the time for this is usually passed.
He’d felt lighter already. Well, in that area of his chest and shoulders at least. He’s still a bit sluggish, feeling heavy. But he is sure the nice meal before him will make him feel better. The fried egg giving a pleasantly fresh smell with the pepper and spice used.
He’s a little cautious, in a way that he’s making sure the plate is secure when it’s held. When it is offered to him, it’s taken gratefully, the warmth and smell savored just a moment but he doesn’t exactly wait for anything to cool, he’s convinced he needed a big bite right away. Yeah it’s hot, sure, but also he’s gratified by it being delicious. He’s not overzealous about it, but he does certainly show appreciation for the flavor.
“Fabulous..!” He feels a little silly, and perhaps a little like a stereotype, but it brought a good mood about him, it had been a good while since he had something nice and filling such as this. Of course he can appreciate it in its entirety.
“I don’t think I’ve had em cooked this way b’fore. I’ve used hotsauce, or soysauce but, this is definitely better. An’ it’s perfect texture too.” He has no choice, he’s gotta praise where he sees fit! He won’t praise something that’s not deserving, but he is in no way shy to give credit where it’s due. Especially seeing that it’d made him a bit giddy.
Hm. He’d definitely need to remember to approach their agreement with some form of caution and respect. Though in the mean time, this should give good insight. After all, he had been serious as to bring offerings for Alastor to eat should he really need some place else to feel security.
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pokimoko · 10 months ago
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Hiiii! I don’t know if your art reqs are open, but can you draw some non binary birds? Thanks and have a great day!!!!
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Neither you or @iamchaos1234 specified exactly what kind of bird or parrot you wanted, so allow me a moment to indulge in some Australian bird propaganda. I hope you enjoy your critters!
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squuote · 9 months ago
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lately i have been filled with the intense need to hug stanley parable and i know you are the one person who will understand this emotion. hes such a guy. im gonna cry i love him so much
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everyday i think of this and i am filled with the upmost glee i think i could feel in my entire life. give this guy a million hugs. i weep for this man every time i think of him.
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one-winged-dreams · 5 months ago
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Hpnotiq
ship: every dog has his day (cygnus x gallagher) source: honkai star rail word count: 1449 cw: inebriation
i don't even know, call this a pseudo vent fic ig i really wanted to write about him ;_;
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tag list: @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @kylilah @dorothys-wife @the-sleeping-city
@goldenworldsabound @dear-gambler @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitosoulmate @faerie-circle-ships
Visits to the bar were always low-key. It wouldn't do for someone of Cygnus's status to be seen getting publically plastered, Maria would raise hell if she had to deal with the media repercussions that would inevitably come from such a thing.
Much like everything else in Penacony, drinking was a gamble. The appropriate term would be ‘lightweight’. 
Misery begets escapism, and libations were the dream within the dream. 
“Think you’ve had a bit much, doll.”
Gallagher’s forearms rested against the bar, a blatant disregard for how the damn thing had just been wiped down. Concerned was a description for his expression, but he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t just a little bit amused. 
“Nooo. No no no, I’m… It’s fine. Can I have a shot this time? Want a Hpnotiq Breeze, pleeease?” Cygnus’s eyes were already hazy. His words were already rubbing elbows with each other, but Aeons, he was so fucking loose right now it wasn’t NOT funny. 
Gallagher’s head dipped down with a fond sigh before fixing Cygnus with a squint. 
“Don’t think you need any more Hpnotiq tonight, sweetheart. Gonna be seein’ blue if I give you any more. Why don’t you call it quits for the night, yeah?” 
“Nooo! I’m good, I’m- HCC, ‘scuse me, I’m okay, just one more shot?” Cygnus whined, lashes fluttering like wings trying to keep his eyes open all the way.
Shaking his head was the IMMEDIATE response, but Gallagher’s lips pulled into a smirk. Damn damn damn, what a cutie. 
“Not gonna happen, doll.”
“Take one fr’me, then. Come on, come on. Wanna seeya…” Cygnus slurred, his refined, usually sheepish demeanor smashed in the most literal sense. 
“That right?” Gallagher chuckled. “Alright then, just for you.” 
Swift and efficient, prep was nothing. If it sated his pretty little bird, he was gonna do it right.
“That it?” Gallagher held the glass with his thumb and forefinger, tauntingly close, but Cygnus was a sweet little thing, if not a bit captivated by the scenario his addled brain had conceptualized.
“Yeah yeah! Wannasee… All for me?” Cygnus rambled, his words making less and less sense. 
Fuck’s sake, that was a whole different type of ‘celebrity charm’ for Gallagher to handle.
“Yeah, doll. All for you,” he replied, that low tone on par with the way all those prior drinks had made Cygnus all warm and fuzzy. 
Hazy silver eyes went wide as the glass touched Gallagher’s lips, the blue concoction making a warm, pleasant journey down the bartender’s esophagus. Gallagher couldn’t tell which was hotter, the heat of the alcohol, or that gaze burning a hole in his throat.
“Yaaaay!” Cygnus was clapping and giggling like a schoolgirl, swinging his legs on that barstool that could be considered a second home.
Not that he was prone to this level of indulgence.
It wouldn't do for someone of Cygnus's status to be seen getting publically plastered.
“Alright doll, you’ve had your fun. Gonna call your driver and get you home.” Gallagher procured his phone, just a few taps away from his frequent contacts list. He was a gentleman, after all.
“Noooo!” came the immediate protest, cute pink lips pouting and all.
“Noooo?” Gallagher questioned. “Told you, doll, I ain’t giving you any more.”
“YOU take me home.” Cygnus’s reply was a whine that was outright insistent. 
“Me?” Gallagher chuckled with curious amusement. “Why me?”
“B… Big sexy Bloodhoundsecurityofficerrr- Security officer… You can take me home, right? Please take me home, I wanna be with you more,” Cygnus whimpered.
Well, even more than a whimper, it was a plea. Something about the tone didn’t sit right with Gallagher and goddamn, what kind of heartless bastard would keep a cutie like that all sad and lonely?
“Alright, alright. Can you walk okay?”
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The way home was a blur to Cygnus, all he could fathom was the warmth of Gallagher’s arm around his shoulder and the occasional interaction directed his way.
“Aren’t you that one actor?” “Ease off, buddy.”
What a damn good guard dog Gallagher was. 
Without much more fanfare, Cygnus was lowered to the couch with the same finesse as how Gallagher would pour a drink. Gotta be careful with the merchandise, valuable as this one was. 
“Alright doll, you all settled? Not gonna have to toss you in bed, am I?” 
“Nuh-uh… ‘m oookay,” Cygnus feebly reassured, circling his thumb and index finger.
“You sure? Don’t wanna leave you here if you’re just gonna pass out, if you wanna sleep I’ll carry you to bed.” Gallagher crossed his arms over his chest, arching an eyebrow with a good amount of skepticism. He knew plastered when he saw it, and he was certainly seeing it.
“Then don’t go…” Cygnus spoke in a voice that was softer, less belligerent than he’d been all night. Drastic as a turn it was, Gallagher didn’t need to be told twice that something was up.
He took a seat next to the pitiful form lying on the couch, hair splayed out like he could have been Halovian. “Something the matter, doll?”
His concern afforded him only silence as a reply, a bit unfair but when did anyone in Penacony ever play fair?
“Gotta talk to me if you want something, sweetheart, need to use your words,” Gallagher gave Cygnus’s shoulder a little shake. “Can’t fall asleep on me after droppin’ something like that.”
He felt the tremors under his hand then, the feeling of jackassery descending upon him instantly.
Fuck.
“You cryin’, doll?” He gave another small shake, biting his inner cheek as an inappropriately placed curse rose in his throat like bile. He wasn’t good at this shit, not at all. It was unfair to both of them how unattuned to genuine sympathy he was, really. Couldn’t really fault himself, but damn did it sting when he saw his little vice cry.
“I don’t think I’m real,” the little crystal bell of a voice whimpered from the cushions.
Aw fuck.
“Whatdya mean, doll? Talk to me,” Gallagher coaxed, settling in for the long haul as he transferred that pretty little head to his lap. And oh how willingly Cygnus came, how willingly people were to be comforted by the ones that they loved so dearly. 
And oh how dearly he… felt the same.
“Feel like I’m some shallow projection of someone else’s dreams and desires,” Cygnus sniffled, and Gallagher felt hot wet pinpricks of moisture blossom on the fabric of his pants. “’m scared I’m part of some dream that’ll just dissipate when someone wakes up.”
A pause.
“Well hell, doll, do you think I’m real?” Gallagher managed to regurgitate his signature lie.
More bile.
Another pause.
Gallagher sighed.
“You’re you, Cygnus. I promise. You trust me, don’t you?” That Hpnotiq Breeze felt like it was going to make a comeback. Something burned in his gut, in his chest, and then spilled out from his lips; “I wouldn’t lie to you, you know that.”
“I know… I know. Don’t actually believe myself when I think these things, just… Feels like that. Don’t know if I’m happy living like this. ‘r if I e-ever was…” Cygnus mumbled, curling in on himself like he could tuck himself under wings that weren’t there, clipped by circumstance.
Gallagher’s hand hovered over a shoulder that vibrated with silent tremors, sighing to himself.
His little bird was feeling the ache of a cage he was beginning to outgrow. And even though Cygnus couldn’t see those bars, for Gallagher, they were clear as day.
“‘fraid I can’t answer that one for you, doll.”
No amount of gentleness could keep the walls from crumbling, or maybe it was ONLY that delicate touch that could break them down. As soon as his hand settled, the contact sent a shockwave of pain that no harsh strike could ever recreate. 
Gallagher had seen Cygnus cry on stage, he sometimes marveled over how a person could crank out tears as hard as a script could even demand. But no one was demanding anything now. Ugly sobbing, and not in the beautiful theatric way that was tailored to play at people’s emotions. Those were to get the audience invested in the story, these were for no one to see. 
Well no, maybe that wasn’t right. Maybe this was all part of some bigger stage play. Unpracticed, no auditions, no dress rehearsals. Cygnus was the lead, and Gallagher was simultaneously the plot and the audience, the co-star and the extras, the props, and maybe one day he’d be the curtain too, but there was currently no script to tell him what would happen. And he was fine with that.
He liked to think he was pretty good at improv.
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angelofthemornings · 9 days ago
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The Silt Verses is really good so far
(Well, the first episode is. Maybe the entire rest of it sucks. I don't know that yet.)
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swordmaid · 4 months ago
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durge yves is so very jaded about everything because nothing compares to the euphoria bhaal grants from killing that she latches onto anything that piques her interest. to the point that performing surgeries and experiments on her own self gets so boring that she stopped for a time. she also has very little regard over her own body, not caring what happens to it because it's merely a vessel for bhaal and he can make and remake it as he wishes. i think the moment orin betrays yves that's one of the few times she feels excitement and joy, and when she was experimented on by kressa then shoved in that pod she was ecstatic about it. it's different. it's a change. she enjoyed it so very much that the moment she awoke in the nautiloid she can't help but smile. she doesn't know why, hardly can remember anything about herself, but for some reason she feels a certain excitement; an anticipation of a hunt.
#like all her senses was drowned out by that certain euphoria else wise if she regains a semblance of her past sane mind#she'll go running back to kelemvor lol. which is what she does in act 1 except in act 2 she feels that familiar euphoria again#and it feels like home to her.. and it's something so warm and inviting that she feels herself slipping into it.....#to me yves' durges/dark urges is this kind of siren song state that lulls her in#makes her feel so warm and good and homey and cozy and all things nice#she blanks out when she's drowning in it and every drop of blood feels so good against her skin#and she doesn't register that she's killing someone. it's like an out of body state of euphoria for her#and durge yves would've indulged on that feeling over and over and over and over that nothing else compares anymore#everything is so boring..! nothing is worth doing..!! except killing for bhaal.#and she finds gortash mildly interesting bc his mind is so diabolical. does not care about ketheric at the slightest til she learns about#his immortal state now she's fantasizing about killing him then stitching him up and killing him over and over#she finds orin entertaining bc she reminds her of a roach somewhat. someone so resilient despite being beaten down quite literally#like durge yves was very much orin's abuser to me. she's her fave squeaky toy that she throws and beats and plays with over and over#and every time she breaks orin she'll heal her back up to break her again <3 so the betrayal and lobotomy was very much deserved#anyway thought was brought to u by me doodling yves in that pod knocking her head against it and laughing and cackling#she'd enjoy that sm i fear...#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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lctibule · 4 months ago
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random headcanon generator
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minjoon:
almost drank the lethal dosage of caffine once.
is oblivous to any and all romantic interest someone may show him.
is a simp.
forgets to eat sometimes.
has an incredible long-term memory but an awful short-term memory.
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si-u:
can't handle criticism.
if someone he knew commited a crime, he would cover for them.
desperately needs a hug but doesn't know it and refuses to ask for one.
has chronic nightmares.
if he likes someone, he will give them a pretty rock.
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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 5 months ago
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remember the riftling fic ae wrote
^ this one
so ae haven’t done anything with it in a while but ae want to (as well as start a sort of companion series for it) so!
are there any questions you have about the riftling series in general? anything about ford or stan or anyone else, about the town, about the anomalies, about the rifts, etc. etc.? we have a few questions we’re already planning on answering via fics but it’d be neat to involve ya’ll in the fic somehow
ae’ve always wanted to do an interactive fic. giving you folks the option to suggest stuff for the series to cover seems like a neat way to start doing that <3
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rec-a-fanfic · 7 months ago
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That time I got reincarnated as a doomed side character
By gentrychild
Rated teen
Complete at 85k words and 12 chapters
Izuku is isekai'd into the mha universe, and is genre savvy. His character is doomed to be killed off, but he won't go so easy. This leads to chaos. And tododeku. It's very cute.
It's better than it sounds, honestly! Isekai fics can get very hand of the author and self-insert-y, but this one is so very immersive. I took my phone into the shower to read, it was so immersive.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40634532
-💛
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40634532
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sucrose-soymilk · 1 year ago
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hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better
#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow#Seven’s Small Thoughts#not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary#and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much#i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know#i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else#which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways#and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog#i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t#nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty#anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah#i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently#it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy#maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get#i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller#and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available#which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless#that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine#trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip#i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly#eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it
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daz4i · 11 months ago
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how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend
#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there#i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway#(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think)#(but not only)#i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it#bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous#in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol#bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either.#(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry)#also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol#i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly#smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me#also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words#(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it)#which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but#things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible#all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day#thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues#. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long#i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔#vent
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