#but it's like. well even in the fics where it isn't relevant it's still how i picture him

[desperatepleasures]

for months I've been thinking about how whatever my next fic ends up being is going to introduce the Chubby Kantarou tag into the ao3 ecosystem but now I'm strongly considering just. not tagging it at all and just acting as if readers should expect it. do you think I could gaslight pple into thinking that that's widespread fanon and not just my own personal headcanon? do you think I could gaslight readers from outside the fandom into thinking it's canon? not tagging it could grant me unspeakable power....

[allaboutnayeli]

Would you be able to do a ashley sanchez fic please. Maybe they've been dating for while and reader is always getting teased when she'll propose and finally does

AT LAST | a.sanchez x reader

summary: you make ashley your fiancée, finally.

author notes: finally getting to this request! this is actually so cute so thanks anon. also um.. i hit 800 followers? that's crazy but thanks yall 💞 enjoy the fic!

contains: ashley sanchez x reader, ncc!ashley, tons of fluff, lesbians are dumbasses, this takes place in a different reality where ashley is still getting call-ups to the national team 🥹 this isn't relevant.. i just miss usa ash

playing prove it by 21 savage ft summer walker 🎵

"four years and no ring? you should dump her, ash," kerolin says as she walks into the locker room. you are quick to give her the middle finger. groaning in annoyance when she gives you the middle finger right back.

ashley laughs like she always does at the teasing. everyone's favorite pastime is to tease you about not proposing to ashley quick enough. you two have been together for four years, almost five now, and still no proposal in sight. it's not like you don't want to propose, you're just waiting for the right time.

kerolin stirred up everyone else with the teasing. half of the team is in the locker room, getting ready to leave after a long training session. they don't have enough energy to play around like usual, but have enough energy to tease you; great.

"i agree with kerolin. you really should dump her," dani gives ashley's shoulder a playfully sympathic pat on the shoulder. the blonde smiles and shakes her head, focusing most of her attention on changing her cleats. you try to throw a waterbottle at dani, but she dodges it then sticks her tongue out at you.

the usual playful comments are thrown around about how "you're making her wait too long" and "if you need some tips, you could just ask."

you make sure to internally write down every word, so you can keep this in mind when they ask you for favors.

"whatever. why is it my job to propose and not ashley's?" you say in defense, standing to go over to ashley who's now changed. you peck her cheek as you pull her close. she says a response before anyone else could, "because i pursued everything else in this relationship."

you let out a gasp of shock that makes everyone else laugh.

"great. now even my own girlfriend is against me. thanks for being bad influences, guys." you gently pinch ashley's side before pulling away from her. the blonde tries to hit you, but you dodge easily. instead you grab her hand and push her to sit down in her cubby.

cortnee is quick to get back to teasing you, "we aren't bad influences, ashley is right. wasn't she the first to ask you out? and the first one to ask to be girlfriends? and also the first one to ask move in together? sounds like she's making all the decisions in the relationship."

you regret yapping about your entire relationship story to your teammates at that one team outing when you were drunk (but you can't really blame yourself when ashley was looking so good that night and you suddenly felt the urge to express your love for her). regardless, you can't even say anything back because she's right.

"whatever," you say. you let go of ashley's hands, going to grab her bag. "can we go?" you look at ashley. the blonde stands, going to link arms with you.

"running away from your problems is cute of you, y/n," you hear kerolin say as you grab your bag as well before walking out with ashley.

you make sure to give her a middle finger on the way out.

on the drive home, your mind blocks out the sabrina carpenter ashley is blasting as it drifts. the teasing is bothering you more than you like to admit. even though you know it is all in good fun, still, that pressure from the comments lingers. it's not like you haven't thought of making ashley your wife. you're smitten with the woman. she could ask you to get the moon for her, and you'll find a way. might even grab an asteroid on the way as an extra gift. she owns your heart; that's a known fact.

proposing has been on your mind and in your heart for a long while. you will never admit this, but you thought about proposing since you two's first anniversary, but didn't want to be one of those lesbians who go too fast.

this year is a perfect time, and you want to propose soon, but you just don't know how or where or the exact day.

you're determined to figure all this out. ashley deserves a perfect proposal.

and you know just the person to help out.

"a beach proposal is cliché and the waves would ruin it," you're currently sitting across from trinity at this cute brunch place you found. getting trinity to come from washington d.c. mid-season was a struggle, but when you told her that you were ready to propose, she booked the first flight to north carolina.

trinity rolls her eyes, "beach proposals are cliché because they're cute!"

"still a cliché and ashley deserves better than that," you say. trinity, and you have been debating on where to propose. she suggested beach at the number one choice, then used a hotel proposal as her second choice. you quickly disagreed with both; beach is too cliché and hotel feels too impersonal.

trinity sighs, "you have been shooting down all of my ideas this entire time. why even have me come all the way here and not use my opinions?"

"not my fault if your opinions are wrong." you shake your head as the forward frowns at you.

"alright, i'm sorry. i just want everything to be perfect. she deserves the best," you sip some of your orange juice to calm your nerves. trinity gives you a look of understanding. it's obvious you just want to not mess this up. why else would you have ashley's bestfriend fly out?

"maybe.." trinity trails off just to take a bite of her alfredo, "you could do it at home?"

it's like a switch is flipped in your mind; of course, a proposal at home makes complete sense.

after trinity's suggestion, the pieces of the plan fall into place like a puzzle.

the location will be at you and ashley's home, you needed carnations and white chocolate, a simple silver band with ashley's intials needs to be made, and you have to work on your speech.

ashley has always been low-key. she's the one who wanted to soft launch your relationship at first, and still, you two aren't over the top with showing things off. everyone knew yall were together, and everyone of any importance knew how much you guys loved eachother, that's all that matters.

trinity had to fly back to washington d.c. to prepare for an upcoming match, so she couldn't distract ashley on the day you wanted to propose. instead, the day after the match against kansas city current you get denise and bianca to take ashley out for dinner. you made some excuse about "not feeling well" when ashley asked why you weren't coming then had to convince her to just attend the dinner when she wanted to stay and take care of you.

at last, you start getting the house ready. firstly, you grab the bouquets of carnations that you hid in the guest room that ashley never goes into. even though it is cliché, you spread the petals on the floor, so they lead into the master bedroom. then you make a heart with the petals on the bed.

you step back to make sure the heart looks at least decent, smiling when you see it's perfect.

the next step in your plan, you go to grab the box of white chocolate you hid in the back of the fridge. you may have took of one piece, but it's fine, you're the one planning this all.

you place the box of chocolates in the middle of the flower heart. you check the time on your phone and see that you have forty minutes left to get ready.

everything is set up, so all you really need to do is shower, change, and make sure your speech is good. also that you didn't forget where the ring is.

after a good ten minute shower, you change into some black dress pants and a loose white dress shirt. you didn't want to overdo it as this is supposed to be lowkey, but still you wanted to look nice. you check your phone to see ashley texted that they are almost finished and she will be dropped off soon.

you spend the last thirty minutes doing the finishing touches on the lil display you did and going over what you wanted to say. the gorgeous silver band you got customized sits nicely in the velvet case you got with it.

finally, you hear the front door open. you hear the soft footsteps of ashley as she walks through the house, softly calling your name.

"in our room, baby," you shout. a smile graces your lips when she steps inside.

ashley gives you a surprised look, her eyes glancing from you to the flower petals to the bed.

"what is all this?" she walks closer to you. when she's close enough, you pull her close by her hips.

"a surprise.." you say before kissing her. she melts into the kiss easily, her arms finding their home around your waist. every time you kiss ashley, the only word you can use to describe it is magnetic. it's so hard for you to pull away from her just to breathe, but you have to. you need to do what you have been meaning to do for a long while.

"grab the chocolate, babe. it's for you," you let go of her. ashley looks at you, then the box of chocolates on the bed before walking over to the bed. she picks up the box, smiling when she opens it to reveal the white chocolate inside.

slowly, she turns to face you, still looking at the chocolate as she says, "baby.. i don't-"

when her gaze lands on you, she sees you down on one knee, a small velvet case in your hand that's open with a silver ring sitting nice and pretty in it.

ashley damn near drops the chocolate, but is able to throw it on the bed before she starts tearing up.

"baby-" she starts, but you interrupt her.

"let me talk first. i swear it's worth it," you smile. laughing when she giggles in between trying to catch her breath.

you sigh then give ashley the biggest smile you are able to do, just to cover up your nerves.

"i know you been waiting for this for a while now, and i'm sorry.. i just love you so much, i wanted it to be perfect because you deserve all the good things in this world. i remember the first time we met, and i just couldn't stay away from you. at the time, i didn't get why i was so attracted to you, but i figured that out a long while ago; you're special, ashley. i don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone, but you, so ashley sanchez, will you marry me?"

"yes! of course," ashley says. you stand, and she immediately jumps into your arms. after a long hug, she pulls away just to kiss you.

"no more teasing for me then?" you say when ashley pulls away. she laughs before kissing you again.

there was definitely no more teasing after that.

author notes: finally posted another fic 😍 i thought this was bad, but it turned out cute!

© ALLABOUTNAYELI

[luvsturniolo]

ー ★ !! STRANGER

pairing : matt sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis : having been dared to kiss a random stranger, you're the first person matt choses to approach

a/n : guys ive been needing to write another fic so badly that i got this prompt off of pinterest and i'm completely winging it (this is a cry for help. pls send reqs bc i'm running low atm.)

i hate how this is written & this is prob the worst thing i've done on this app but i need to post something so ur gonna read it anyway !

wc : 2.5k

nick, matt, chris, nate, and madi are currently on an expidition to the mall. they hardly ever hang out as a complete group, so everyones moods are sky rocketed from the simple fact of them all being together. it honestly doesn't matter what they're buying or where they are. they'll all have smiles on their faces regardless.

"i'm surprised nick isn't trying to record a video right now." chris says as the group enters a random clothing store. "it's one of the very few times we're all together and everyone is in good moods. nick would normally take advantage of that."

"just say you want to record and move on." matt grumbles, walking over to one of the racks to flip through the t-shirts on display.

"i don't want to record! i was saying nick probably would!" chris tries to defend himself, earning weird looks from everyone due to this very clearly being a lie. chris lets out a sigh when he realizes that nobody is believing him. "whatever. i'm just saying that i don't think we should waste the opportunity to make good content. the fans love nate and madi."

"woww," madi says sarcastically, feigning offence, "you're just using us for content?"

"oh, shut up." chris replies, dramatically rolling his eyes at her teasing. madi giggles and takes a sip from the cup of lemonade she got from lunch earlier today at the food court. everyone else already finished their drinks, she's the only one with anything leftover from the meal.

"i didn't bring the camera anyway." nick says with a careless shrug, causing chris's jaw to drop with shock. "i wanted this hangout to be authentic. just everyone laughing and smiling together as a group. no cameras. no new friends. just us."

"since when did you ever leave the house without your camera?" chris asks him with his jaw still hung loose on its hinges. "it's practically glued to your bag at all times."

matt finds himself zoning out of the conversation as he looks around at the clothes. their argument about recording is only relevant to him if they decide that they are going to record. otherwise, it's unimportant and frankly quite boring. and now that nick admitted that he didn't even bring the camera, the conversation is no longer of interest to him.

they continue to stay near the front of the store, nick and chris arguing about the camera predicament while nate and madi laugh at them from the sidelines. but matt strays away from the group. he has about eighty bucks he brought with the intent on spending it all today. well, at least half of it or more. so he begins to get distracted with the task of finding new clothes to add to his wardrobe.

he made a mental note before leaving the house that he wants more hoodies since the weather is started to get colder. knowing this, he wanders over to the back of the store. he's been here enough to know that there's a rack of jackets and long-sleeved shirts in the right corner beside the employee exit door.

matt flips through the clothing. he wants more bright colors in his closet. most of his hoodies are black or dark grey. nick said that his wardrobe looks like a funeral home and he needs something more lively. but nothing here seems to catch his eye.

"need help finding anything?" a random female voice asks him. he turns to face the sound and sees a worker standing to his left. you. and lets just say you definitely catch his eye — unlike any of the clothes you're selling. he likes the style of your hair, the color of your eyes, the shape of your face, the bridge of your nose, all of it.

damn! matt's never been this whipped for a random stranger. it's normal for him to find random girls attractive in public, but something about you is making him unable to take his eyes away yours.

"okay? i'll take that as a no." you say before turning on your heel and leaving. as soon as you walk away, matt feels the urge to call out and stop you, but he doesn't know your name. he was too busy admiring you to read the tag on your uniform.

he lets out a sigh before walking back across the store and rejoining the group, his mood now soured completely. when he walks up to his brothers, nick turns around with a camera in his hand, recording.

"what the hell?" matt says. "i thought you didn't bring it."

"he lied so he didn't have to film." chris says with an eye roll. "but i didn't believe him. so i dug through his backpack and guess what! i found it sitting on the very top, fully charged."

matt just nods, not having anything to say to that. plus, now that he's in a bad mood it's be best to stay away from the camera so his bitchiness doesn't ruin the video. he feels guilty for being like this while everyone else has such high spirits, but he can't help it. he embarassed himself in front of the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. there's no coming back from that.

the group exits the store and they begin to wander around. they're looking for a sunglasses store for nate so he can buy a new pair seeing as he broke his last ones while leaning out of the window of the van. the slipped off of his face — never to be seen again. but nate claims he needed new glasses anyway due to how old and scathed those ones were.

"you okay?" nate asks. the fact that he noticed matt's fatigue takes him by surprise. matt wants to continue sulking in his soured mood, but when he looks at nate's genuine worried expression, he can't help but confide in his friend about the events from earlier.

matt tells him about how he was looking for a jacket when you approached him. you came up so casually as though it meant nothing to you, when it meant everything to him. matt describes you, accentuating your beauty to paint the picture as well as possible. he tells nate that he feels like he's being dramatic, but he can't help it. i mean, you're a complete stranger whose name he doesn't even know. and yet he can't take his mind off of your guys's short interaction.

"i wish i had some wise words of advice for you, but i don't." nate says. "but judging just by the way you talk about her, you need to get her number or something. i've literally never heard you talk about a girl like that. you're fuckin' whipped, man."

"i agree." matt says. "but how the hell am i supposed to get her number when she's a literal stranger? i don't know anything about her."

"you know where she works." nate points out.

matt thinks about this for a moment before deciding that nate's right. he knows where you work and that's more than knowing nothing. someones job says a lot about them — how much money they make, what means a lot to them, etc. i mean, he's not the type of guy who gives a shit about your income, but if he wanted to know something about you, he could easily find out a lot.

"lets buy your sunglasses." matt says, confidence slowly overtaking him now that he doesn't feel like this whole thing is hopeless. "then, we can all go get a snack at the food court so i have some motivation to go talk to her."

nate agrees and hurries to catch up with the rest of the group. matt does the same, rejoining everyone now that his mood is boosted once again. they go to the glasses store and nate picks out a pair that he likes. the whole time, matt is back to normal. everyone notices the shift in his demeanor, but they decide not to point it out.

after nate purchases the glasses he chose, matt tells nick that he's hungry. madi agrees with matt, saying she could eat something seeing as it's been a few hours since they had lunch. not thinking much of it, nick agrees to go to the food court.

"fuck." chris says, sitting in the plastic chair beside matt. "i didn't know they had mozzarella sticks! if i'd known that, i would've gotten them too!"

matt just shrugs, eating another bite with a smug look on his face. chris shoots him a glare and scoffs, turning back to his cheesy fries with a frown. just as chris is about to insult matt, nick and madi come over to the table with their food. nick is still carrying the camera around, filming everything for their next blog. most of what he's filming will be edited out, but he's still taking the footage just in case.

as they all begin eating their food, nate — who had been using the bathroom for the past few minutes — comes back with a slushy and a small grin. he sits on the other side of matt with a weird look on his face. matt gives him a strange look and nate just giggles and looks away.

"i'm bored guys." nate says. "we should play truth or dare."

"okay." chris agrees easily. but nick shakes his head, not thinking this is a good idea. but chris insists. "c'mon, it'll be good content. plus we're not gonna do any stupid dares that will get us in trouble or anything."

when matt and madi take chris's side, nick has no choice but to give in play the game. his only condition is that he gets to ask chris first, and he has to pick dare. chris agrees to his terms.

"i dare you to say yes to everything i ask for the rest of the day." nick tells him with a sarcastic smile. chris rolls his eyes, but has no choice but to do as he says.

"can i go next?" nate asks excitedly. it's supposed to be chris's turn next since he was the one who did the dare, but nick answers dow him. he nods, letting nate go ahead. and chris can't argue since he has to say yes to whatever nick wants. nate grins widely and continues. "matt, truth or dare."

"dare." matt says without hesitation.

"i dare you to kiss a random stranger." nate tells him with a grin. "they have to be in the food court, though."

"what the fuck type of dare is that?" nick shouts. "we're not bringing random stranger into this! plus, isn't that against some kind of law? kissing random people can't be fucking legal."

matt is about to agree with nick, saying it's a horrible idea. but he notices nate flicking his eyes back and forth between matt and someone over his shoulder, gesturing for him to look at them. matt turns around and follows nate's gaze to find you sitting alone at a table. you're wearing your work clothes, sipping on a smoothie while scrolling through your phone.

matt changes his mind in an instant. "it's my dare, nick, not yours. so fuck off and play the game like everyone else."

with that, matt stands up from his seat, causing the legs to scrape against the tiled floor beneath it. he awkwardly approaches you with a giddy smile. god, he feels like an idiot. he feels like he went back in time to when he was a child, getting nervous to talk to literally any girl on the playground.

he stands in front of your table and clears his throat to get your attention. you look up at him and raise a brow in confusion. "mind if i sit down?" he asks, pointing to the chair beside you.

"go ahead." you tell him. you're still confused about who this guy is as he sits down at your table. he's attractive and seems sweet, but who is- oh. as he runs a can through his hair, you remember who he is. "you're the guy from the store. you were the one who stared at me instead of answering."

matt feels his cheeks heat with embarrassment. that's not the first impression he wanted to make. but at least you remember him! it's better than you not knowing who he was at all.

plus, you're not talking to him in a weird way. you're smiling as though you find his awkwardness amusing rather than strange — which it is.

"that's me." he says. matt glances over his shoulder at his friends only to see that they're all staring at you guys intently. chris waves him on, urging him to hurry the hell up.

"they're nosy." you say with a laugh. "i'm assuming they're your friends. otherwise, i'd be extremely creeped out."

"uh, yeah." matt says, looking away from chris to refocus on you. fuck. every time he looks at you, he's taken aback by your beauty. like time seems to slow when you guys make eye contact. "listen, they sent me over here as a dare. i'm supposed to kiss you."

you laugh at him for a second. but then you realize he's not kidding. he's being serious. "god, take me on a date first." you tell him sarcastically. matt laughs, but is still pretty serious about the dare. you feel weird agreeing to kiss a stranger, but it'd be even weirder if you were to say no.

not to mention, the boy beside of you is insanely attractive. it wouldn't be such a bad thing to kiss something this hot. "i'll let you kiss me if you agree to give me your number afterward." you tell him.

"i would have asked for it anyway." matt says with a teasing smile. knowing you have an interest in him as well gave matt a boost in confidence. and you honestly think that his confidence makes him even more attractive.

he leans forward and you do the same. you were expecting a small smooch the way little kids kiss at recess, but this guy went all in. he places one hand on the back of your head to tangle through your hair while the other hand cupped your cheek. the kiss was passionate and needy. and you fucking loved it.

when he broke it to catch his breath, you felt deprived of something more. you were practically craving this guy you met only a few minutes ago.

matt smirked at you before you guys exchanged numbers. you were still distracted by the fact that you guys nearly made out in the middle of the food court to process what was going on. as your confidence left, his was refilled.

"i'll come back to your shop before i leave the mall." matt says. "maybe next time i'll actually catch your name before we make out in the storage room."

@kasqnxx @lvrsparadise @prettysturniolo @strniolo @urmyslxt @cupidsturniolo @opheliaofficial07 @thetriplets3 @sturn1olo-ffics @uhnanix @deadxrx @kitaysworld @lovelysturniolo @wilmalovegood @ladylokilaufeyson5 @sturniolopepsi @strnilolo @knowingnothingnoel @its-jennarose @lea0518 @slaysturniolo @sturnlover @tcvazq @ifilwtmfc @poopydroopt @cl0esblogg @ellaynaa @itzdarling

[0bees-knees0]

(One sided! Satan x Gn!Mc/reader)

Also small A/N( I'll probably have another at the end lmao 😭) this MC is a reader and the whole little fic sort of pertains to that. You can still read this even if that's not your forte ofc, but I thought I would leave a note bc some ppl don't wanna read about an Mc that's nothing like them 😅. Also Mc in this fic does NOT crack the spine of their books.(This is relevant I promise) And personally I don't either but to each their own.

Where Satan casually walks into the library at RAD, and sees you the book that you're reading and he is just completely obsessed with the sight, forgetting all about his original reason for entering the library in the first place. It looks so interesting you look so interesting. He sits and watches your facial expressions to see what you think of it. You notice him after some time, how could you not I mean he's literally just staring at you, and when you do realize that he isn't spaced out or anything you decide to see what was up.

"...Satan?"

"...yes Mc?"

"i-is there a reason that your staring at me so aggressively? Did I do something to annoy you?"

What?! The look on his face in that moment was absolutely unreadable. He was so red. He had been caught staring at you for crying out loud! But he also looked kinda shocked or offended. How in the world could you possibly think you could do anything to annoy him?! (It definitely isnt like he has a serious case of rbf or anything!) He was appalled, though he tried his best to hide it.

"what?! I-i...um no. I was just... interested in the book you were reading. I didn't want to interrupt however so I just...kinda stood here."

Yes! That was it! That was most definitely why he was there, no particular fascinating human or anything, and he had to make sure you knew that this was his only reason. Nothing else! Goodness, when did you start becoming so important to him that he was out here stuttering up excuses, becoming all red and shy, just from being around you? He didn't know but what he did know was that his sorry excuse for an explanation did seem to take hold in your mind and that was all that mattered.

"oh the book! It's actually one of my favorites...I've probably read it more times than I can count! Do you wanna read it? I can lend it to you for a few days."

Wow. Your book. Your favorite book, so good that you've read it countless amounts of times, and you're going to lend it to him?? He was ecstatic.

"...yes that would be good. I want to know if it's actually worth reading as many times as you say it is."

Of course he couldn't tell you or show you how ecstatic he was, that would blow his cover. If it wasn't blown already thanks to the recent display of events.

Oh how he wished he could just tell you how he felt for you. Really, there was nothing stopping him, just himself and his thoughts, his fears. Maybe he might do something cheesy like write his opinion on the book, as well as an invitation to hang out together(if you could call this hanging out) again like a date like how you were now. Yes maybe, he'll even write his feelings to you right then and there on the paper, in his pretty handwriting it has to be pretty for you, and then fold it and put it in the back of the book.

"it really is that good, I think you'll really like it Satan, here just bring it back to me in like...three days? Is that enough time?"

He's so happy he might burst. So he just nods to keep his cool. He is going to learn so much about you, and you might talk to him even more than you already have just because of this book. you place the book in his hands that he is willing to stop shaking and tell him that you have somewhere to be.

Three days come and go. He read the entire book on the night you gave it to him, and did research on everything involving the book the next day. The book itself was pretty good, though he really wanted to know why it was your favorite. He thinks there is probably some reason in your mind that he can't read on a page that will help him understand, but in order to get that he'd have to actually ask you. He spends the last day trying to decide whether he should write the letter or not. He decided no, that if he really wants to go on a date hang out with you, then he should ask you in person. He didn't want you to think he was a coward.

He shows up at your door a few hours after school, book in hand. You open the door and happily invite him in. He hands you the book and immediately starts talking about it and telling you his opinion, in hopes that maybe you would talk to him about your thoughts as well. Normally you would have, so happy to have someone to discuss your favorite book with, except this time is different. Something is off and Satan can tell, though he doesn't know what.

"hey Satan?"

" yes Mc"

"can I ask you a question?"

A question? Of course, you can ask him anything! And he tells you as much.

"why did you break the spine of the book? It's my only copy and well...it's not that big of a deal I guess, and it does make it easier to read I suppose..."

You keep talking, trying to justify his actions but all he can think about is what you just said. He can't believe it! He always breaks the spines in all of his books before he reads them. He didn't think of anything different, doing the same to yours. He was trying so hard to be considerate and careful with the book, even keeping the bookmark you left in there in its place, careful not to dog ear any pages(another bad habit of his).

He's so upset with himself. You're never going to let him borrow anything from you ever again. How long will you hate him for? He wasn't sure but he was ready to suffer in silence for his actions despite how upset it will leave him, and he will probably never talk to any-

"Satan?" You call for him for the 5th time, trying to regain his attention.

"...h-how long are you going to hate me for?" He asks the question before he can think rationally about it. You seem to have that effect on him.

However, when you burst into laughter he is confused.

"hate you? Satan it's just a book!" You say through your laughing spells.

"but it's your favorite..."

"I can just get another one, in fact I was thinking of going to the bookstore anyways."

"then let me come with you and pay for it! As an apology for ruining your first one." You smile and nod and he swears his stomach could qualify for the Olympics the way it's flipping and turning. You tell him to meet you outside of the HoL in 30 minutes and he gets there 10 minutes early (not that he'd ever tell you that) and when you meet him you smile and wave. He tries so hard not to look behind him to see who you're waving at, not fully trusting that it's him.

"You know, I've never really been to this bookstore before, so you'll have to show me around." You say to him as you both walk in the bookstore in front of you. As it turned out for Satan, he didn't even have to ask you on a date to hang out again, because here you are now. One of his favorite places, getting to talk about one of his favorite things, with one of his favorite people. He had to try so hard to keep his cool.

You both ended up getting a few books, and obviously when you got to the checkout you weren't allowed to pay a grim. Although you didn't mind paying, you also didn't protest(free books am I right?) and as you're walking back you guys talk about the books you got. When you find yourself at the door to your room that Satan had walked you back to(like the true gentleman he is) you say your goodbyes.

"this was super fun Satan. I really appreciate it! We really should hang out more, I like the way you think about things, and I also like your taste in books."

And he thinks that if he were killed right then, he would be okay with that. You tell him that there is a movie to the book you let him borrow, and ask him if he would want to watch it with you one day. And once again he is reeling.

"Uh...yeah I mean, I guess I could possibly find the time for that. I'll need you to tell me when though so I can check my schedule" he absolutely has nothing to do and if he does he will reschedule it for as long as he needs to if it means another date hanging out with you again. He says his goodbyes and heads back to his room.

He thinks to himself that he would love to read another one of the books that you like or continue the discussion from the last time.

As long as he doesn't break the spine again of course.

A/N: hey guys had this in the drafts for a good zillion years but I finally decided to get it done yay! I hope you enjoy even though it's one sided lmao. I didn't say earlier but this is set in like the first few weeks or so once mc gets to the devildom so they're not great friends with everyone yet. Also was thinking about making a pt.2 where Satan confesses but idk if anyone would be interested 😭 if I did it would probably be another eon or two before I publish it 😅😅😅 but please give me your thoughts, as this is one of the first really big things I've wrote on this acc. Anyway that's all I think thanks for reading!!

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (Sdv) x gn!Anorexic Reader

Tw for anorexia, mentions of purging, poor self image, and weight loss. If you struggle with an eating disorder please reach out for help. Things will be okay, and you can get through it.

Another note, this fic (even tho almost all of mine are) is gender neutral. There is this stereotype that only girls can have eating disorders, but this is not true. Anyone can get an eating disorder and everyone deserves comfort.

This is proofread / sensitivity read (Is that the word?)and requested by @vvnbxz (tysm!!!)

Sam

• If you told Sam you had anorexia he wouldn't know what the hell to do.

• Honestly if you opened up to him about anything to do with mental health he wouldn't know what to do.

• And it isn't that he doesn't try, it's just that he doesn't know. (He is just a clueless guy and that's okay/hj)

• But yeah, when you tell him he is just so worried. He noticed as a general statement you didn't eat a lot, but he thought you just had a low appetite.

• So he never thought too much of it, unless it was the days you didn't eat anything.

• On one of those days, he finally asked about it. When you told him you had anorexia, he just looked. So sad.

• "Babe I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. But I will be now. What do you need?"

• If you need comfort, he is there the whole time. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "You are beautiful babe. How on earth did ever land someone like you?" (He is still a skater boy haha)

• If you need structure and legitimate help, he will be asking and researching. He asks Harvey how to help someone with Anorexia, and Google became his best friend. Though Google was a tad unreliable, you appreciated the effort.

• Overall, he just wants to be there for you, and will do his damned best to make sure you feel better.

Sebastian

• This is going to sound off topic but it's relevant I promise!!

• Sebastian is online a lot, okay? He almost definitely uses discord. At one point he was in a mental health server because he was really struggling and was just trying to find resources to help himself right?

• Well there was a channel in there about eating disorders, and while he didn't personally have one, he kinda just lurked in the server and read about everything.

• So Sebastian has a really large amount of knowledge in almost any mental health topic! And knows where to look for more info, and has heard personal storied. (Yay context is over with now onto the actual thing-)

• When you tell Sebastian you have anorexia, he is probably the calmest put of all of the Bachelors.

• He saw the signs, but recognized that it was still your business, and you were not in a desperate situation where he would have to step in. So he waited for you to tell him, while keeping an eye to make sure things didn't get any worse.

• Back to when you tell him though, he holds your hand and just pulls you into a hug. He offers to make food more often so you don't have to think about it.

• He tries to make sure it's lighter stuff, and doesn't overwhelm you with anything.

• He watches out for signs of it getting worse, and checks in with you often about how you are doing, and if there is anything more he can do to help.

• He understands that anorexia affects your entire life, but he knows that it is your life. He respects your boundaries, basically. He wants you to he in full control of your recovery, with him just helping you along the way.

• He encourages you to go to therapy. He sets you up with an tele-health therapist, and he gives you a bunch of online resources for when he isn't around.

• Overall, Sebastian is really sweet about it, and just tries to be helpful.

Alex

• He would unknowingly make things worse at first.

• When you get together for sure, but especially when you move in together. He definitely counts calories to make sure he is getting enough for whatever sport thing he is doing, and when he tried to encourage you to join it brings back some old habits.

• After a month or so of living together, Alex notices you've been loosing way too much weight. So he asks about it.

• He thought you were doing an extremely unhealthy diet, so when he did ask you about it he was not expecting this to be a long time issue.

• When you tell him that you have anorexia, he immediately apologizes for asking bluntly.

• "No, no. Alex it's fine. I should have told you."

• He takes a pause because he knows he has to be careful now. "..why didn't you?" It was so quiet.

• "I just couldn't Alex!" That came out louder than you meant it.

• "You are so perfect and really damn.. I dont even know you just.. I'm jealous of you. You have everything under control all the time. And I see how much effort you put into keeping it up that I didn't feel like I could stand next to you! I feel gross, food makes me feel gross. And I didn't want to burden you with this. Nothing in my life is going right right now. And this is the one thing I can make go right. But apparently I can't because I'm screwing this up too!"

• You pulled your hands to your face and broke down sobbing.

• Alex pulled you onto a hug. "Shhh, shhh" he strokes your hair. "Your going to be okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was making you feel like that."

• You shot up. "No don't apologize! You aren't doing anything wrong, I'm the one who needs to get things together!"

• "But I should have been more considerate! I should have seen!"

• Both of you took a second to calm down.

• After a moment, Alex spoke again, "what can I do to help you?"

• And you didn't know. You didn't know anything.

• "Alex I don't know. I didn't even think this was going to come back again I don't even know how I dealt with it the first time."

• He let out a breath. "Okay. I'm not changing what I'm doing, because I know that will just make you feel guilty. But I won't talk about it okay? I'll move the scale outside somewhere else. And I'm going to check in with you every once in a while. Okay?"

• You nodded.

• "I don't know what I can do to help, but I will not be giving you more to overtime about. You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change, your body is perfect. Okay?"

• You nodded again. This time it was you pulling him into a hug.

• "Okay. Okay yeah we can do this. Thank you." The last words came so softly that you just hoped Alex heard.

• "Of course, anything for you."

Harvey

• Harvey had seen the signs well before you confirmed his suspicions.

• He noticed you leaving very shortly after dinner dates, how you avoided mirrors when getting ready.

• He had known you for a long time now and he could see that you had lost weight, and not at a normal rate.

• After you moved in together, things became blaringly obvious.

• One morning he woke up to the sound of you throwing up.

• That's when everything became real.

• He walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "My love? Can I come in?"

• "NO!" You coughed, "no, no I'm fine it's okay."

• "Dear we have to talk about this."

• "No we don't, I'm fine. I just wasn't feeling good."

• You went back and forth on this for a while, but eventually he just came in.

• "My love, we just moved in together. I am very serious about this relationship. This means we have to tell each other when things aren't okay. Okay?"

• You thought for a moment. "Harvey, you're a doctor. You are just going to go on a medical spiel if I talk to you. I already know what's wrong. I'm handling it."

• He sighed, "I don't mean to be blunt, but clearly you aren't. All you have is protein shakes in your fridge, you can't live off of those. And I'm assuming you do this every morning? You can't be drinking those and then throwing them up. It defeats the purpose of drinking in the first place."

• "But I have to! I have to do this Harvey. This is the one thing in my life I have control over I have to do this."

• "No, you don't! Dear, I can help you, you just have to let me! You have full control over your life. Let me be here for you"

• You sat there. Just thinking. Harvey had no idea how what he said would land. Would you get upset? Would you lash out? Cry?

• "Okay." You whispered

• He stared at you.

• "I said okay!" You were nearly shouting. "Help me! I know this isn't okay but I need help!"

• Oh thank yoba you listened. "Thank you. Now, please just listen to me. Please." He waited for a nod of recognition before continuing,

• "I'm making all the food from here on out. And I dont care what you say because you are not burdening anyone. You aren't going to look at any labels, I'll scratch them out if you need me too.

• "I'll make a meal chart for each week, and you don't have to eat all of it, but you need to eat something. Eating something is better than nothing, I don't care what it is."

• This was already making you nervous. It was all too much, but if nothing else you had to try for him.

• "Okay.. okay. Okay yeah... thank you."

• He gave you a big hug.

• "I'm here for you with this. You don't have to do this alone."

Shane

• Shane is not perfect by any means, we all know this.

• But one thing I will stand on is that, if y'all are dating, he will stand with you through any mental health crisis no problems.

• He probably wouldn't notice much of the mental signs, but would notice you loosing weight.

• He tried to ask you about it a few times, but you always brushed it off.

• He let it be until you literally fainted from lack of food intake.

• He rushed you to Harvey's and honestly just hoped you would finally open up to him about what was going on.

• Harvey had already known you had an eating disorder because it was in your file, so when you woke up, he strongly encouraged you to talk to Shane about it.

• Shane was chill enough to at least wait until you had gotten home to talk about it.

• ...

• "So what the hell was that?" He asked.

• "Shane, I'm sorr-"

• "No, don't be sorry that's not what I'm asking for. I'm asking what that was." He stared you down.

• "Shane.." You sighed. You had meant to tell him but everything you tried, something got in the way.

• "Shane, I have anorexia. I'm not going to make it into a big thing. I mean, I guess I already did because I literally fainted. But I want you to know that I am working on it."

• "And you didn't tell me, because.? Babe, we all have our issues we are going through. I want to be there for you but I can't be if you don't tell me."

• "It was hard, That's why. I know you don't care, but I care so much as to what others think of me. About what I think of me. I dont like the way I feel. The way I look. I just always compare myself to others and I don't like it. I'm not asking for help and I certainly don't want it but I think I might need it at this point."

• He sighed, and had both of you sit down. "Okay.. okay, thank you for telling me. Now that the hard part is over, here is the harder part. We are getting you into therapy. It might be uncomfortable. But it will help. I know it helps me. And I know I can't do anything personally, but talk to me if anything is going on. I'm here to listen, okay?"

• He doesn't tend to be one for random physicaly affection, but he pulls you into a tight hug.

• He really meant every word, so from then on you became more dependent on him like he was on you.

Elliott

• Elliott. Oh Elliott.

• He knew something was up right when you started going out.

• You never ate much, never drank much. It looked like you felt food and taking care of yourself was a burden.

• So once you got married and moved in together, he knew he had to confront you about it.

• "My love?" He knocked on the door to your room. You were in your pajamas getting ready for bed.

• "Yes?" You smiled softly at him.

• "We need to talk." Your face dropped. Elliott tended to have a way with words but he became far less eloquent under stress. "Not in a we need to talk, my dear. Apologies." He cleared his throat,

• "I've noticed your. Ehm. Unusual? Eating habits?" And your face dropped more.

• "Oh Ellio-"

• "Hold on." He reached for your hand, cupping it between his. "I'm not upset with you. There is no reason to be. But I think I know what is going on, and I just want you to know. I am here for you. Alright, love? You can talk to me, and I can help. Food can become a stressor for the best of us. So you don't have to talk to me now, but just know I'm here for when you need."

• You met his hands with the one left on the bed. "I'm not sure if what your thinking is entirely accurate? But I suppose I should clarify." You took a deep breath, "I have anorexia. I've been managing it, at least what I thought was, pretty well. I didn't think you would notice, but I guess it was something I should tell you. I just.. I just didn't have control over much in my life when I worked for Joja. So food was a thing I could control! I thought it helped. But it didn't."

• You continued, "When I moved here, things genuinely became better! I have full control over my life. How I run the farm. My time, my pace. But I became so dependent on my food patterns for regulation that it was just a habbit I couldn't give up. So now here we are!" You let out a dry laugh.

• Elliott wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, despite his general dramatics.

• He knew that it was hard for you, but from what you said, you were working so hard on your own to help yourself.

• He reassured you that he would be there if you needed it, and tried to make sure you were eating a good amount of food everyday. But life continued on as normal for you two, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

An* so this was a deep one, I personally do not have anorexia but a lot of this still resonated with me for other reasons. Please reach out to either a doctor, family member, or friend if you think you have an eating disorder. They are serious business.

Also. I tried to make it accurate to anorexia but my knowledge isn't all encompassing, so it might have slipped into general eating disorder territory. So if it doesn't line up perfectly, I'm sorry about that- I also tried to not make it stereotypical but there may be a varying amount of success with that. Please lmk!!

Less serious an* I really wrote so much for Harvey I was not expecting to be able to write this much- Harvey's might as well have been it's own little fic from how long it was.

Masterlist

[gl00mur41]

hello twst tumblr... particularly those who enjoy idiavil... i don't know who to share these ideas with so i have decided to post them here.

the idiavil brainrot is constant. persistent. so is the twst brainrot in general but not a day will go by where i don't think about idiavil at least once. this has caused a whopping 21 different fics ideas to form in my brain. some i like a lot more than others and so i wanted to ramble about my favorites. these may eventually show up on my ao3 (EdgarAllanFruitbowl), possibly posted on here as well, but i'm kind of drowning in school work and just life in general so idk.

ANYWAYS!!! i have a few general fics i wld like to write (arcade date, mutual pining, ghost au) but i honestly have more oddly specific ideas.

first of all, a pokémon fic. i like the idea of them being in the pokémon canon universe, but the idea of a fic where idia just infodumps about pokémon and vil builds a team and they battle eachother... it tickles my brain right. i personally feel like vil would enjoy pokemon but idia would be more into it... i think vil enjoy stuff more like animal crossing and stardew valley. idk i just can't exactly picture him playing pokémon or the legend of zelda and enjoying it like idia would.

NEXT FIC IDEA. this is one of two mutual pining fics i have written down. it's less mutual pining, more idia being idia and vil just isn't sure how to feel about liking idia romantically. very specifically, i got the idea from won't say i'm in love from hercules. i ADORE that song, and it just feels super vil-coded to me. i mostly imagine the "muses" in this situation (basically just the people trying to get vil to stop denying his feelings) would be ortho and epel. epel because he's also in pomefiore (and i also LOVE HIM), and ortho because of the film studies club (but also because he'll have relevance since it's idiavil). ortho wld know about how both parties are interested but he wld keep it a secret. i also think that ortho and epel wld be like their matchmakers... i love ortho and epel as a duo, i think they'd wreak a lot of havoc together. other than that it's kind of basic compared to my other fic ideas but i still love it a lot.

THIRD FIC IDEA. i only recently came up w this one and jotted it down frantically on the bus so i don't rlly have much of a concept yet but an actor au, either stage or like tv actors. i know acting is out of character for idia but he could always be in the tech crew... also its an au i can write him a little ooc if i want.

FINAL FIC IDEA I WILL SHARE FOR THIS POST. I SAVED MY FAVORITE FOR LAST. BAND AU. ok so it's more like a singer/stand alone artist au. i think abt this au so much it's not even funny. i have a ton written down but this post is already long enough so i'll sum it up, if for some reason this idea gains traction i'll post more abt it again. this takes place like one or two years in the future? idkfs yet. idia and vil are both individual artists but enjoy each other's music a lot despite the contrast in style. after a few interviews and messages they end up making a song together, which then turns into a few songs, and oh no now they're in love. i eat breathe sleep this au i don't even know why i haven't started writing for it yet (because i have adhd and school is kicking my ass) . ANYWAYS THATS IT. i thoroughly enjoy rambling abt these fics but also idiavil in general so comments/responses are encouraged if u feel like it. i will probably respond at lightspeed unless i am sleeping. farewell idiavil nation 🫡

[juanabaloo]

Plot hole that bothers me: where was Faith in "Helpless"?

Oooh this is such a good one, thank you for asking it. Pretty sure others have talked about this before, here's my attempt:

This is post Amends but pre Bad Girls, so the Faith and Buffy friendship is going pretty good at this point. (Literally we've only had 5 Faith episodes by Helpless, and that's how quickly she and Buffy get to a good place.)

In Helpless Faith is purposefully sent away so she would not interfere with Buffy's birthday Test by Giles. (cruciamentum is an annoyingly long word) I don't think the Watcher's Council thinks much about Faith, if they do at all...

[related - this ask answered by coraniaid is great and includes Post taking Faith out of town for the test at Giles' request. also it gets into how hands off/disorganized The Council is.]

Anyways, Giles has heard Buffy talking about Faith and knows they patrol together. He also knows Faith spent Christmas Eve with Buffy and (mostly) Joyce. So he knows Faith would definitely not stand by while Buffy gets tested. So he sends her out on a silly mission, like gathering a weapon from LA or something like that. He does not tell her that the Test is coming up for Buffy.

More under the cut bc this got really long!

Giles wrongly assumes that Faith is aware that on her 18th birthday a Slayer gets this Test. This is because he wrongly assumes Faith has already been through this herself, bc she is already over 18. In my HC Faith IS over 18 she only seems younger sometimes bc she's emotionally immature. In my HC she is over 18 but she has not had the Test and has never even heard about it.

[if you HATE the idea of Faith being older than 18 by Helpless, then Giles thinks she is over 18 bc he snooped one day while she and Buffy were sparring in the library and he found her wallet and saw her fake ID**. This leads him to believe she is in fact 19 or 20 or 21. So in this slightly divergent timeline Faith is only 17 but she still won't ever have the Test bc she doesn't have a proper Watcher / they don't really care enough about Faith to give her the Test.]

[** MORE FAKE ID thoughts: It honestly makes the most sense that her fake ID would say she's 21 so she can buy liquor bc that's what *ahem* most people did back then. BUT also Faith would not have much trouble getting guys to buy her liquor so maybe she only needs her fake ID to prove she's over 18 so she can get a bank account. BUT it seems weird that she's THAT responsible and she's not just shoving her cash under her mattress...

FAKE ID CONTINUED: Other interesting theories for a fake ID to prove she's over 18 that aren't about liquor or opening a bank account: change her birth name (non cis Faith? she already changed her name TO Faith?? maybe she has her Mom's name and she hates her Mom so she changed it on the fake ID? all valid), get piercings/tattoo (although in the 90s it was very common for under 18s to have these), get a job (only believable if she wasn't already a Slayer), buy a car (maybe an aspirational goal), go parachuting (another goal?). ANYWAYS enough thoughts about fake ID Faith this is turning into a fic prompt with like 10 options...)

MORE AGE THOUGHTS: Sorry one more thing. It seems unlikely that Fatih would be sentenced (for murder 2) to 25 years to life in prison - not jail but prison - for murder without legally being 18. Well just researched that and sadly this isn't true. I thought maybe her going to prison was a point in favor of her being at least 18 by ATS 1x19 Sanctuary but perhaps not. It's unclear. There's a 2000 California Prop 21 that seems relevant, which passed in March 2000 and Sanctuary aired in May 2000. And ofc the carceral system sucks and makes mistakes and Faith might have lied about her age.]

Where were we? Giles thinks that Faith already passed her own Test and knows that Buffy will get one when she (Buffy) turns 18. This leads to some trickery by Giles, bc he wants to hide when Buffy's birthday is from Faith. He shares a fake birthday for Buffy with Faith in a very awkward conversation while they wait for the Scoobies to assemble one day in the library. (Repeating the I Robot You Jane continuity error from S1.)

Faith thinks it's weird bc it seems like Giles is telling her to buy Buffy a birthday gift - which is already weird in itself - - and bonus leads her to wondering if Buffy is telling Giles what gifts she wants Faith to buy her, like a girl might with her Dad Watcher about a boyfriend -- and it's even weirder bc Buffy's birthday is months away. Thankfully the Scoobies arrive, and Giles stops talking about it. But the lingering "queer vibes boyfriend gift buying vibes" nugget has now been planted in Faith's already pretty-gay-for-Buffy mind.

And since i HC Faith as over 18 by Helpless, Faith should have gotten her own Test back in Boston but Diana (her Watcher) did not administer it. Diana had plans to, or plans to somehow avoid giving it / giving Faith a cheat, but then Kakistos came and she became pre-occupied with surviving him. (She sadly did not, as we know.) (Bonus points for the very sad HC of Faith turning 18 on the same day that Diana dies. OR she could turn 18 on a bus by herself during her cross country trip to Sunnydale. Give that girl more angst!!)

Diana never told Faith about the Test so Faith doesn't have any idea Buffy is in danger, even when she learns that Buffy has her 18th birthday coming up. And how does she learn this, despite Giles's attempt to hide it?

When Willow mentions something about Buffy's birthday coming up! Faith is confused bc of the prev Giles birthday talk. Once Xander mentions something as well Faith knows that Giles was lying to her. (This adds to her mistrust of Giles / The Council, not that she needs it.)

Faith resigns herself to the idea that Buffy doesn't want her around for her birthday party, and that is why Giles came up with his awkward birthday talk / lie. (This also reinforces the idea that Giles is very close to Buffy, since he's telling birthday lies for Buffy.) Faith then leans headfirst into her Slayer duties leading up to the week of Helpless, bringing it up to Buffy multiple times so Buffy knows Faith isn't totally wounded annoyed about missing Buffy's birthday.

(I'm not sure how Faith gets to LA for the Giles-weapon-mission. If she drives herself it makes her ATS 1x18 Five by Five bus arrival kinda "look how far she has fallen." If she takes the bus it makes her ATS 1x18 Five by Five bus arrival kinda "oh she knew what to expect at the bus depot bc she'd been here before.")

In LA Faith learns some local stuff (what neighborhoods are dicey, where the fun clubs are) and does indeed find the weapon Giles has sent her to get. She returns after Helpless and is surprised when no one talks much about Buffy's birthday party. When she tries to chat with Buffy about it in a fun casual way - it's clear Buffy doesn't want to discuss it.

And what weapon does Faith bring back to Sunnydale? It's the sword she uses in The Zeppo's first scene! It turns out not to be as important as Giles predicted, but that fits with this plot hole filler.

Faith doesn't find out about Giles drugging her for the Test, bc Buffy is repressing it and no one else ever talks about it again. (I don't agree with the writers' decision about this really terrible thing Giles does, but this filler needs to match on both ends.) This also matches bc if Faith ever did find out about it she would be incensed to the point of shouting and at least shoving Giles, if not more. She def would not shut up about it to Buffy, even if Buffy asks her to not bring it up again. ("How can you trust him B? After what he did to you??")

Anyways, i hope you enjoyed this! It was a lot of fun. Thanks so much for the ask!

[jellybeanium124]

maybe it's time for me to make a post about izzy's redemption arc as a jar guy who's been a fan of the bastard since season 1.

prior to season 2 airing, I was redemption arc neutral. I thought that a redemption arc could be good, but a "get even worse" arc could also be good. my ideal izzy ending was him leaving ed to go be a pirate on his own after realizing that they couldn't fit together in any healthy way. I wrote a fic about this.

anyways, they completely fucked the redemption arc up. I don't have too much of a problem with 2x01-2x04, despite the major issue of izzy suddenly understanding his feelings for ed and being able to physically say out loud to ed "I have... love, for you." I mean, it's a fantastic line and con delivers it perfectly, I just wish it hadn't happened in the first 15 minutes of the season. like imagine placing this line somewhere else? what if it was in 2x02 instead, aka The Edizzy Episode Ever aka The Episode That Made Me Interested In The Edizzy Dynamic. like ok ok ok ok. ed gives izzy the gun. he goes and stands like jesus in the light on the cross. izzy shakily holds up the gun, but then he laughs. he laughs and then cuts himself off and then he chokes down a swallow and says "I have... love, for you, Edward." imagine being ed in that moment. isn't that super fucked up? isn't it glorious? imagine hearing that when all you want to do is die?? like WAUGHHHH right?

anyways, moving on.

I do like 2x05. I think it's a just a really fun chill episode and my exact flavor of TV that I like. I call it "11 short films about the Revenge" because it's structured in a series of loose snippets and scenes. I do enjoy the izzy & stede stuff in this episode (izzy slaps stede's ass lmao how could I not enjoy it?) but it's really the episode where issues with how izzy is redeemed start to come to light.

why is he so good at not being an asshole? izzy, for the most part, doesn't fall back into old habits. he'll make the occasional uncomfortable comment, or walks up to wee john looking like he's gonna say something homophobic, but he doesn't. sure, he can't move as fast or as well as he used to, but he used to have no issues pushing the crew, and he never trips up. he's just so goddamn open too! I get that accepting the leg is like, a metaphor for accepting the crew, but it'd be cool if izzy had trouble actually doing that. in s1 izzy is so socially awkward, and he clearly is not a people person. Why didn't he struggle with being accepted, an entirely new feeling? Why didn't he try to remain a loner, just a little bit? HOW ON EARTH DID HE GET TO THE POINT WHERE HE COULD DO DRAG IN PUBLIC??

my favorite flavor of steddyhands in fic, and I promise this is related and I wouldn't say that if it wasn't relevant, is the kind where stede and ed conspire to flirt with izzy and izzy is a complete dumbass who doesn't know what's going on. izzy in these fics is trying to be better, but he doesn't know how. he constantly struggles to voice his feelings, he struggles to change his old toxic thought patterns, he struggles with openness and vulnerability. how come izzy didn't struggle with that in the show? he spent 50-something years being closed off to the world, and now he can open himself up with no issues?

that's how you "redeem" izzy and keep him fundamentally izzy. he's trying to be less of an asshole, but he's not really great at it. he wants to learn how to open himself up, but he's never done it before. he's still a loner at heart. he's still socially awkward. he still has toxic assumptions to work through. my izzy, my ruthless bastard rat man, was replaced in the show with a clone and then that clone was killed.

I understand that doing this right would require more time. I wish they got that time. and I wish they did something different with the time they had.

[anistarrose]

okay serious inquiries now, i wanna hear about the adopted ango fic and freak4freak4freak4freak 👀

(WIP meme here, still taking asks!)

thank you once again, fex! I feel like I've mentioned the Lucretia adopts Angus fic to you before, it's the one where she raises him on the Bureau and he even gets to have an ambiguously evil Red Robe uncle (who is allowed to give him piano lessons, because Lucretia is a total softie).

more relevant to the only writing I've completed, though, is the way THB meet Angus on the Bureau, and Angus actually sneaks off to get on the Rockport Limited with them once he hears there's a murder mystery in play. Lucretia obviously panics about this, because she does not want her son getting anywhere near a Relic — and this Angus & Taako scene is dealing with the fallout. the writing's old and there's stuff I'd change but the skeleton of it holds up, IMO. bit of outsider-looking-in on Ango and Lucretia's relationship:

Taako raps on the door to Angus’s room, trying not to sound neither too threatening nor too invested. “Hey, it’s, uh — it’s cha boy. Taako. Can I… come in?” “Whatever,” Angus sniffs, which is…  Well, Taako hasn’t known Angus for long, but that doesn’t sound at all like the polite, oddly mature little pipsqueak Taako’s gotten so used to seeing around the Bureau. He really is upset. Shit.  Taako wishes he could just send in the big armored teddy bear instead, ‘cause Magnus might comfort the kid with some actual success — but of course, Taako had to be the only one loitering to hear two distinct voices being raised in the Director’s office. To see Angus bolting out of a debriefing with his actual mom, covering his face with his hat and making a mad dash for his bedroom across the quad. Angus clearly loves his mom, and the Director clearly loves her kid. Taako never got any bad vibes from either — just vibes of a weird kid, in the care a parent with a weird enough job, that things cancelled out and everyone’s weird, weird needs got met. In a way he’d never admit, it actually made Taako kind of jealous. But Angus is upset, probably shedding tears, over the debriefing-turned-argument that Taako didn’t mean to overhear — So he opens the door, and steps into Angus’s room.

Angus has trauma and it's causing him to catastrophize about the argument, worrying his Mom will send him off the Bureau to keep him safe and he'll lose the only family he has. so Taako kind of clumsily, uncomfortably, tries to reassure Angus — that because "the Director" cared enough to adopt him, she would never throw him out for nothing.

but then... Angus spills the beans. the Director has "a brother" who definitely isn't bio-related to her, but the adopted nature of their family doesn't keep them from having an extremely terse relationship that they only even keep that civil for Angus's sake. so Angus is very scared that if two people he thinks are good people could have chosen to be family once, but then turn out Like That, then who's to say the same won't happen to him?

obviously, Taako isn't even getting the "evil Red Robe" piece of information in the story — but even so, he just has no idea of how to respond to that.

*

also, freaky found family! that was the one I was actually writing most actively before work picked up, but you can expect me to finish it as soon as I'm unemployed again if not sooner lmao. it's BLT Trio plus Kravitz (or Reaper Squad plus Taako, if you prefer) hurt/comfort and cuddling, but it starts out with house hunting fluff:

Kravitz sniffs the air, in the direction of the charred crater in the wall. “Is it just me, or is there, like… a smell coming from the Hole? I mean, we agreed the house is probably on the market because of the Hole —” “Yeah, oh, completely. But the — the Hunger smell? Dav figured out a couple days back that baking soda can handle it.” Barry puts his hand on his hip, shaking his head and smiling. “Never had to figure that one out before, the way things were, but — but good ol’ sodium bicarb, turns out that does the trick —” “Oh, good,” Kravitz says. “I have lots of that on hand to deal with zombies.” “Ah, mix it into your salt circles, right?” “Obviously. I like a three-to-one ratio. Does the job, and cost-effective.” “Man, they should — uh, they should pay you to go on baking soda commercials.” “I’ll keep that in mind, Barry.”

[undertale-fic-librarby]

Hello! I know a lot of FANTASTIC fics, and I think they should be read more!

I can't link anything on anon, so I'm only able to give the titles, summaries, and who wrote them :(

Two Too Cool Assholes Share A Body by TheInevitableSense Teen and Up, unfinished [WARNING for suicide and suicidal thoughts] "In which mistakes are made that can't be taken back. Mistakes that land Sans and Mettaton in another reality. One where they are share the same body. Whoops. Surrounded by friends that don't remember they even existed as separate entities, can our heroes find a way back to normal? More importantly, can they survive each other until then?" (god I love this fic so much.)

Sugarless Milk Chocolate by starrylitme Teen and Up, unfinished WARNING for suicidal ideation "“I’m really tired, so... You win, kid. I give up.” And, as awful as it is, those words are liberating. (In which Chara really needs a new method of making friends to murder with. Granted, this method they're going with might just work. Vaguely. Like, they have their moments at least. Circumstances are still pretty terrible, but it's still something.) (Also known as "Wow isn't that story title cute. Yeah uh, this story isn't very cute in context.") (This one is edgy but it's edgy in a way that's actually so cool and I love it so much and I can't stand how much I love it aghghg)

bone to be wild by SquareFriend Not Rated, oneshot (In my opinion this one can be rated as General Audiences, if you ignore all the cursing) "Sans and Undyne make a grocery run. It goes about as well as you’d expect." (Their dialogue feels very in-line with canon)

Core the Apple by Devcipher Teen and Up, finished WARNING for a suicide attempt and sparse energy consumption that could be interpreted as an eating disorder. "Nightmare has grown weary of the constant strife between himself and his brother. Every time he manages to fuel the ever-persistent need for negativity in his system, Dream and his friends immediately sap it out of him. So, Nightmare has decided he was done. If they believed the multiverse was better without negativity, he was okay with that. He'd well descended past apathy years ago." (I read this years ago, I should read it again.)

(I love these fics so so so so much)

I might suggest more in the future, because BOY do I have a lot of recommendations.

Oh, and here's one of my own fics: If I killed someone for you by SundogSkies Teen and Up, oneshot "Nightmare had given Killer an ultimatum. Either Killer cut ties with the human himself, or Nightmare would execute them. Because of course. Of course things would turn out like this. Why did he expect anything different? No matter how hard he tried, no matter what it was he loved, whether it be a rock or a human or a- a cat, he could never have anything good in his life. Not- ... ...Not while Nightmare was still alive. Or: Things have been building up for a long time. Maybe it was inevitable Killer would break like this. Or or: Did you know that canon Killer used to have cats, key words being 'used to'? It's a relevant detail." It's not the best, I'm aware, but I think it's still enjoyable.

I hope you have a good day :)

-SundogSkies

Howdy, & thanks for the recommendations! The fics being recommended are…

Two Too Cool Assholes Share A Body by TheInevitableSense (Teen And Up, Incomplete)

In which mistakes are made that can't be taken back. Mistakes that land Sans and Mettaton in another reality. One where they are share the same body. Whoops. Surrounded by friends that don't remember they even existed as separate entities, can our heroes find a way back to normal? More importantly, can they survive each other until then?

Sugarless Milk Chocolate by starrylitme (Teen And Up, Incomplete)

“I’m really tired, so... You win, kid. I give up.” And, as awful as it is, those words are liberating. (In which Chara really needs a new method of making friends to murder with. Granted, this method they're going with might just work. Vaguely. Like, they have their moments at least. Circumstances are still pretty terrible, but it's still something.) (Also known as "Wow isn't that story title cute. Yeah uh, this story isn't very cute in context.")

bone to be wild by SquareFriend (Not Rated, Complete)

Sans and Undyne make a grocery run. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

Core the Apple by Devcipher (Teen And Up, Complete)

Nightmare has grown weary of the constant strife between himself and his brother. Every time he manages to fuel the ever-persistent need for negativity in his system, Dream and his friends immediately sap it out of him. So, Nightmare has decided he was done. If they believed the multiverse was better without negativity, he was okay with that. He'd well descended past apathy years ago.

If I killed someone for you by SundogSkies (Teen And Up, Complete)

Nightmare had given Killer an ultimatum. Either Killer cut ties with the human himself, or Nightmare would execute them. Because of course. Of course things would turn out like this. Why did he expect anything different? No matter how hard he tried, no matter what it was he loved, whether it be a rock or a human or a- a cat, he could never have anything good in his life. Not- ... ...Not while Nightmare was still alive. Or: Things have been building up for a long time. Maybe it was inevitable Killer would break like this. Or or: Did you know that canon Killer used to have cats, key words being 'used to'? It's a relevant detail.

[evelhak]

Part 1

When @vespersposts put together an event [𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝐵𝑢𝑚𝑝𝑠 ✘] with the theme "How I met you", I really wanted to participate but couldn't think of anything at first... I write canonverse longfic, so my ships can't actually have a second first meeting... except, a couple of them did! I remembered my convoluted fairytale fic, which is a fantasy AU within my canonverse longfic, because it's just a dream. So, I decided to draw KagaKuro's first meeting from that fairytale fic, as a comic.

I'm not completely happy with how I drew this. My drawing is still (always) so inconsistent, and I had too long breaks between drawing, so I made mistakes like forgetting where exactly my angle on the characters had been and for some reason being too stupid to check... but oh well, it's readable. And I do like the atmosphere.

I'll try to introduce this briefly and make some sense of it.

I drew this because it almost works out of context. You can read it as a standalone, I think, you just won't see the full extent of everything, where things came from and where they're going. I think what you need to know is that the idea of this story is reinterpreting/reliving your past, but it's not just "I dropped these characters back into a metaphorical dream version of the past", because it's also important that it isn't really the past. It's the present under the mask of some past events. The years aren't undone just because the characters momentarily don't remember who they are. That's why the past events are not a direct translation into a fantasy AU, it's slightly more complicated. The sense of "this is actually just a character meditating in the present(=third year of high school)" is kind of crucial to the story, even though no one in the dream knows it's a dream. It's about trying to make sense of what you missed. Things that you thought you knew, mistakes you thought had already been understood to their fullest extent, but weren't. In other words, everything that has happened after the events that are referenced in this comic, still affect the characters' decisions and what they say.

So, when the characters seem a bit off, or you can't see where they are coming from, it's probably because you missed about 800 000 words of character development. (Unless you've read my TOTverse of course.)

Okay, I definitely don't deserve praise for putting that simply and concisely.

I guess the elephant in the room is that in this dream fic there's a genderbent version of Kuroko, but it would be way too complicated to get into the narrative and meta reasons why that is relevant in this dream, without explaining the whole story, so, you're just going to have to take it at face value.

I hope you enjoy reading. ♥︎

(Read from left to right.)

(To be continued.)

[olderthannetfic]

I think with smut it really comes down to having its own identity. A lot of smut that's just there for the sake of it isn't really that good even when it's pwp. In long stories I also mainly skip it unless there's plot relevant points in it. Meanwhile smut that has an identity, be that a smut fic on its own or as part of a larger story, is definitely better, esp for masturbation fodder. You can do a vanilla story, or a kink-fetish fest and both could be equally as good for masturbation fodder as long as they got good engaging writing because the author wanted it to be; something a lot of smut falls short on. It's about how much effort someone puts in it to get those juices flowing, and actually cares about painting a sexy picture and wanting it to be horny. If it feels like the author just wrote a checklist with a bit of fluff to pad it out because smut was expected, it just won't do anything, regardless of how many of my kinks it hits.

It's funny how noticeable it is that people forget that porn just like plot or any other indulgent scenes still needs a purpose, and if that only purpose is "aim make ppl horny" that's still a valid purpose. It's like people see smut, forget that it's still a part of writing and painting a picture. Too much smut, even when emotional scenes are scattered throughout, feels too sterile and like there was little care put into it. In that case the emotional scenes has a purpose, but the smut around it just exists. Maybe that's why some fluff often feels more satisfying and leaves you blushing and giggling, while smut has become a kinda neutral experience. The author actually wants us to feel a kinda way when reading about the characters being sweet and holding hands, and just being cute, the author is engaged in writing in a way that makes us feel that way. Meanwhile with some smut, it's just there and feels like a chore because maybe the author really didn't care to translate emotions and feelings into the writing. Very hard to actually describe it well. Maybe this could be a decent example, when I read two fics some time ago. I remember reading the smut chapter from a huge slowburn where it felt like the smut was just written between the emotions in the chapter. It became a slog to read through, it was like a pov shift between interesting emotions and boring physical activity. While another slowburn I read around the same time, had the emotions as part of the smut itself, and it was more fun to read since it was weaved together. The latter one did a lot more for my horniness than the first one.

--

I have found many fluff writers to be phoning it in too, but yes, plenty of smut is poorly written because people have no idea how to build tension.

[thrandilf]

while i fully agree with the thesis of your gay best friend mei post (she is often pushed aside in fanworks and her friendship with red son is undersold) but i think you might have gone too far in the opposite direction regarding mk and red sons dynamic?

obviously they dont have as much plot-relevant screentime as mei and red but mk is still important to red son. even disregarding their s1 nemesis dynamic, red son still regularly brings up mk in his conversations with mei during the s3 special, announces his entrance to mk in the mech, and asks about him on meis stream in 401, all of these feel like intentional writing choices to imply he cares about mk (and mei, but thats more implicit with him saying her name and such) more than he lets on

that is to say, i dont think shipping mk and red means someone doesnt value mei and reds dynamic or think its unimportant, just like shipping red and mei doesnt mean disregarding mei and mks bond

i hope this doesnt seem like im trying to pick a fight or anything, i just wanted to put in my 2 cents :v (also tumblr is being shit so sorry if this sent twice)

MK and Red Son are definitely friends, not denying that, but the show doesn't have an interest in developing their specific relationship further past like... halfway through Revenge of the Spider Queen. MK says they should trust him, and from there on out the two banter or work together sometimes, but nothing between them really gets going or more intense

Because after that the majority of the time is spent developing Mei and Red Son's dynamic (which was already starting in S1, 1x08 in particular I'd argue, but it was still minor then).

Her and Red Son constantly get paired up onscreen together in RotSQ, both on the main quest and then in like... every shot possible. The piggyback ride thing is actually a romance trope as well, btw. 3x06 involves everyone, but it's Mei who Red Son touches and has the Samadhi Fire connection with, and even then it's Mei who interacts with Red Son before they leave and she leaves her plushie, and then -insert the special here-. MK comes up in their conversations, as Mei comes up in MK's conversations with Red Son, so that segment's even to me, but then the Samadhi Fire ending is kinda like. Man. That's unique to Mei and Red Son and it got build up. That's something intimate and between just them

Don't get me wrong, I don't think shipping Has to be about who a character values most, because my arospec ass doesn't think that there has to be a One person put above all else. But it often comes across that way in shipping. I guess a fic doesn't have to include people who aren't in the pairing, but it does feel like it skews Mei's importance to MK and Red Son.

TBH, entertaining my own idea of a Most important person, even liking Red Son and Mei together, I think think that MK is more important to Mei than Red Son is, if she had to choose. Frankly I also think both of the boys would pick Mei before each other if they were in a situation where they had to choose, MK as Mei's best friend and Red Son, to me, having Mei as his anchor to the group considering how S3 went. They all matter to each other, but in different ways.

So sure, I don't think shipping automatically means that a dynamic is skewed to exclude or devalue a character, but it sure comes across that way when paired with seemingly ignoring all Red Son and Mei do get together, as well as how often I see people trying to give the Samadhi Fire to anyone but Mei. This is also a fandom where it seems like Lady Bone Demon's nameless male sidekick gets the same amount of content she does, which makes me scratch my head

Like, if Drag-onfruit was m/m, would Red Son and Mei be the rarer pair? Would ppl keep trying to give the fire to anyone else? For me it does read as fandom sexism with a gay hat slapped on. At the very least it's MK/main character bias, even though Mei is the female lead

No one Has to ship anything to be clear, Drag-onfruit isn't canon, but maybe it's because I watched the series all in one go that hitting the end of S3 and imagining going, "Who do I think Red Son is most likely in love with/has the most compelling relationship with? -insert anyone but Mei-" baffles me

I certainly prefer Drag-onfruit where MK is deeply important to both of them, even as a sort of platonic third (1x05 shot down MK and Mei or chimera faster and harder than any other ship known to man for me lmao) and to be fair I rarely engage with Red Son and MK shipping because it isn't my thing for multiple reasons, so maybe there is a lot of stuff out there where she's really given the love and place in their lives that she canonly has and I just don't know it, but the Mei treatment that I see in fandom does seem to be a side effect of said fanon favorite ship which is how I landed on the original post I made about her getting shoved aside to be the sassy bff who's conveniently fanonly a lesbian (for reasons I don't get) so people don't have to consider that she could have a relationship MK doesn't get to have

Maybe I'm a pessimist but this is how I've perceived it. TLDR they're a delightful trio regardless

Thank you for being polite btw, I know this got long winded but I appreciate being able to discuss!

[bcbdrums]

Given the fact that we were talking about our perceptions of certain kinds of ships in regards to Stein and how they suit or do not suit his character, how do you feel about smut/the relationship dynamics within Stein x character smut fics?

All righty then...! Here comes a very long rambling of my headcanons about Stein, his two primary relationships, and his relationship with those deeper intimacies. This takes some turns before it gets to the main point but well, I love talking about this man. Extremely long post under the cut.

Also - there are two blogs I tag at the very end of this post - you two feel free to ignore all my ramblings, just know I praise you both at the end and I still re-read your Soul Eater stories VERY regularly.

I'm truthfully still trying to reorganize my thoughts on this specific topic because 1) I have listened to many a headcanon from others on the subject and I always try to give validity to their thoughts even when they differ from mine, and 2) I've also read tons of smut fic with Stein out of sheer desperation for...well, Stein fic. (Come on Stein fandom where you at? Write me some gen fic too, lol)

I have not read too many fics of him with Marie cuz those always contain manga spoilers so I'm skipping those for now until I finish reading (exactly halfway through!). So what I've read is mostly Stein/Spirit smuts and just a couple with Marie, and I want to say….almost zero?? I think zero of those fics (and boy I've read plenty) have "hit the spot" in terms of what I would want for a Stein smut. They're good stories, in some cases great stories, well-written and thoughtfully conceived, but they're not fitting my headcanons and interpretations of who I see onscreen (and who I see in the manga so far).

All that said now… Some of my own relevant headcanons for him, and then I'll get more into fic of others.

I go back and forth toying with the idea that Stein experimented with intimacy just a little as a teen. He's not immune to puberty and hormones; he's human whether he likes it or not, which isn't to say mind over matter doesn't work for him. (Clearly it does, in staving off madness among other things.) But he's a scientist. He's curious. And I can see him justifying an experiment or two in his teen years. But they would in fact be just that, experiments. It's still a big maybe. I can't say for certain he would, it's the sort of thing like…if all the dots line up just right, he'd attempt it. If not, he wouldn't. And it would only be with those two people: Marie and/or Spirit. He doesn't trust anyone else enough. (Yes, I'm on board with the popular fanon that Marie was one of his other weapon partners after Spirit.)

Another teen headcanon... I can also easily see a sort of angsty distraction possibility for him. When he loses Spirit to Kami, I can see him getting into a "romantic" relationship with Marie as sheer distraction, and even misguided retaliation. Spirit "cheated" on him with another meister and abandoned him, so why shouldn't he do the same with another weapon? Which sucks for Marie but well she's not healthy about relationships any more than Stein or Spirit are. But this is just another sort of maybe-thought; another situation where all the dots would have to line up just right for him to go for it. But I can see it, no question, just like the prior thought.

As for Stein as an adult, at the point we see him in the show… While I think relationally he and Spirit have the most interesting dynamic to explore, the one he shows more openness toward is Marie. It's clear that he cares for her. And he doesn't fully understand that either. Now I don't think he wants to get into bed with her, or marry her, or anything traditional to a romance. But I also don't think Marie is going anywhere. Thinking post-anime now…. Unless he gives her a sign that there is nothing between them, I think she's staying put. But sadly for her, I think there is something between them... Sadly because, Stein doesn't know what it is, and it's not "love" the way that Marie wants it. It's just something he's unfamiliar with. Meanwhile she's devoted to him, poor woman.

Now, end of the anime… Let's talk about this…. Marie helps him back to sanity with her healing wavelength. But…then he's just "okay"? No he isn't. Look at that man. His dark circles are darker, his eyes are more haunted. That man has been living off madness and cigarettes for weeks. When is the last time he ate anything? Showered? Legitimately got any sleep?? How he's even standing up let alone fighting Medusa is beyond me, and then he performs freaking major surgery and then waltzes into the death room afterward like he's fine. Because...that's who Stein is.

Stein will fight until he is incapable of fighting anymore, to serve those he loves. Yes I said loves. And it is agonizing how much he strives to show his love for others, and it's something he doesn't even realize he has within him. He thinks he can't understand love? It's because he feels it so deeply and passionately it's beyond definition. Part of this however I'm also certain is motivated from his deep desire for purpose as an adult. The manga shows that aspect of his character even more-so than the anime (in what I've read so far). That man is desperate for purpose and to belong somewhere, with someone. He can't escape his human nature even if he doesn't understand it, can't define it, and even though it drives him crazy all on its own…

So bringing this back to Marie… End of the anime. I don't think Marie is leaving. She's gonna stay, help nurse Stein back to health and sanity despite his pretending he's fine (or perhaps even sheer ignorance of his condition), and Stein…is gonna be confused the whole dang time about his feelings for Marie. He knows he feels something but he has no idea what it is or how to process it. But "love" in the romantic sense he doesn't possibly consider, because well...his conceptions of that sort of thing aren't based in anything healthy (see: Spirit's relationships).

So yeah… She's not leaving. He won't reject her attentions because he does care about her, just not in a way he understands and also not in the way she wants. And as she starts to realize that he has some kind of feeling for her, I think she'd turn up the romance and she'd make a move on him. OR…she'd play the extremely...long...patient game, and wait for him to make a move on her, when it's within his comfort zone. And let me be clear… This man still does not know what love is in this traditional sense, does not understand love. He knows what physical attraction and hormones are and darn him he can't shake those either, but as an adult he wouldn't act impulsively on them nor would he confuse them with love. Stein is the ultimate master of mind over matter. If he were to sleep with her, it would be a choice; a decision he makes consciously and deliberately. I see this within the realms of possibility. But if he chooses it himself, if he's the one who makes that decision simply out of his wanting to…it would be a long, long time that that woman is waiting for him. But I do think it possible. The question is simply, how long will she wait. And she's also the type to try to stir things up (see: her behavior toward Joe in the manga). So who knows when they may end up in bed together... These dots are more complicated to align than those of his teenage years. And if Marie made the move first...I think he'd accept it. Because, see again, his wanting to belong with someone, and he knows he feels something different with Marie.

As for Spirit, well... Stein sees that Spirit likes women. And Stein sees that Spirit can't commit. I think Stein "loves" Spirit more than he loves Marie. First love, young love... Spirit is the relationship of his life, even though that's yet another thing he cannot possibly understand. I think that while part of him, the mad obsessive part, and the curious part, does want to be close to Spirit in the intimate way…it's not out of a healthy desire or even typical motivations. It would come from a desire to possess, from his deeply human but inexplicable yearning to be closer to the one he loves even though it's not the right type of love for that type of intimacy. Not really sure Spirit would be all-in if Stein were to make the move... I think Spirit would take persuading. It's another circumstance where all the dots have to line up just right, and in this case probably more while caught up in madness than in sanity. Because as previously mentioned… In his right mind, Stein knows that Spirit likes women and more importantly that Spirit cannot commit. And he's ironically smart enough to know not to attempt a traditional human romance with someone who cannot commit. I don't think Stein would himself attempt intimacy with Spirit in his right mind at all, unless something happened to make him utterly desperate not to lose the man... Another instance of, all those dots have to connect.

But ugh, the angst. Spirit abandoned him after five years... Stein is not going to willingly subject himself to possible heartbreak again. Plus, he does not think Spirit has forgiven him for the "experiments." I think he thinks Spirit only hangs around him now as an adult as his handler, despite desperately wanting his friendship again. But I think he figures it's a lost cause so he just takes what is offered and never pursues more.

Okay but before I digress further into my endless thoughts about Stein's and Spirit's relationship (I'll do another post for that maybe), back to the point of your question.

I am really not one for labels, partially because I don't understand them but also because I think the spectrum is just so deep and too much defies definition. But if I were to label him, I guess I'd go with...gray ace with demi leanings…?

The man is driven only by curiosity, about anything and everything. But the level of intimacy we're talking about is more than he ever wants to trust anyone with. It's always gotta be on his terms, and more often than not…his terms would be unhealthy.

So let's talk about what shows up in fanfic, since that was what the original question was about. And once again, I like to lend validity to everyone's interpretation. Just because it isn't mine doesn't mean it's wrong or shouldn't exist. But you did ask about MY thoughts, so that's what I'm sharing here.

Once again, I've barely touched Stein/Marie fic because I'm avoiding manga spoilers. In the one or two I've seen, he comes across as not connecting emotionally in the typical way, but knowing that there is indeed something different about being with her. He knows she cares about him, and he cares in return. But it doesn't come across as anything intimate on his side of it. This isn't a characterization I particularly like, because Stein as an adult... As I said, I think he'd choose that intimacy if and when he wants it. In the stories, it comes across more as him just doing her a favor, just going along. It doesn't sit right. But like I said, that's only two stories. For other Stein/Marie, I reserve opinion for later.

Stein/Spirit... Okay. I've noticed a great many commonalities in the fics I've read. And this isn't a taste or preference thing; like I said I have devoured almost every smut fic just in desperation for any fanfic of them. Would prefer more gen fic less smut personally, but anyway.

Most fics have Stein in the dominant role, Spirit in the submissive role. I understand that interpretation but it's not how I see them. I see them as equals if they were to get into that type of intimacy. There is often a lot of bloodplay, frequently madness on Stein's part, major instances of non-con, pet play, BDSM, sometimes light cannibalism... It all suggests an impersonal and unhealthy relationship most of the time, which again...is not at all how I see them if they were to become a couple. Could such things come about? Unhealthily, possibly. But darn me and my desire for happy endings.

These two men are so broken, that if they were to become a healthy couple...I feel like it would be slow, cautious...extremely hesitant. There is extreme distrust on both sides, and also misconceptions about how the other feels. Which...I will save that analysis for later. Focusing back on smut fic.

I have seen only a few that touch on the give and take in a trusting relationship (all by the same author) that come closest to what I feel is accurate to the characters onscreen as I see them, but still the emphasis is too much on lust. It still isn't hitting the spot for me due to a lack of that relational development... Make no mistake, the stories are great, but I personally am hoping for something much deeper.

In my view, Stein just does not seek out physical intimacy in that way. I don't think he can fully escape the innate human need for touch, but in terms of a drive to get into bed with anyone... I think the occasional human desire for it crops up, and he easily ignores it/packs it away because it's not useful to him. It doesn't bother him. He doesn't think about it.

So this is where that...gray-ace, demi vibe comes into play for my view of him. Talking about Stein here as an adult and in control of himself, not consumed by madness... This is I supposed a bit of a summation of my thoughts.

If he did get into a relationship with anyone (and again I think his only choices are Spirit and Marie), it would not be based on the physical at all. I also don't think he would rush into any relationship. It would be a long process before he trusted the person enough to consider them a romantic partner. And really, we could get away from the word romance entirely... Life-partner is a better word, in Stein's case. If the person wanted physical intimacies, I think he would be responsive to that. The other person would be in the lead, but in no way dominating. It would have to be an equal trust thing or else Stein would nope out hard. Stein would gradually learn what it is he likes physically, and how to give his partner what they want. He can come to enjoy it because this is his life-partner, the one he belongs with, the one who needs him and is part of his purpose. But again...the physical is not something that drives him at all. Not in how I see him portrayed onscreen or in the manga.

So, overall, in my point of view nearly all smut fics miss the mark. Now...the stories I've seen where I think the physical intimacy is nailed don't even get to smut. Those are the stories by @asymmetryestablished (AO3 NothingSoDivine) and their characterizations of Stein and Spirit defy description in any words I have. The other author who nails it is @wispforever (same on AO3) and the closest to physical intimacy they get is dancing, but my gosh still the characterizations are utter perfection. I will be re-reading y'all's Stein/Spirit stories forever.

I hope I did in fact answer your question, but overall, I was delighted to just spill out so many of my thoughts about Stein even if in summary form. Yes this was a summary... Okay. I'm done. Thanks.

[curseofdelos]

what’s ur newest fic abt??

I'm still figuring out the best way to summarise/describe this fic to people because this one is A Journey, so can I interest you in a sneak peek instead? I've been calling it my solangelo starcrossed lovers AU, but the actual starcrossed lovers part isn't relevant until halfway through the fic lmao whoops Obligatory disclaimer that this is a work in progress and is subject to change in the final version <3

Going to the underworld was a bad idea. 

Will knew it was a bad idea, but he found himself in Central Park with a ukulele strapped to his back anyway. 

What other choice did he have? His sister was dead, and his healing could do nothing for someone whose thread the Fates had cut. It was bad enough that Lee and Michael had died during the Titan War; he couldn’t accept losing Gracie too. 

If bargaining with Hades himself was what it took to get her back, then so be it. He was not losing another sibling. 

Will spent the better part of an hour searching Central Park for the entrance before he eventually stumbled upon a pile of boulders just north of the pond. They didn’t look like much even to his demigod eyes, but a dark sense of foreboding emanated from them and he knew this was what he was looking for. 

The Doors of Orpheus. 

The closest entrance into the underworld, and the inspiration behind his plan to save his sister. 

Finding this made what he was about to do feel more real, but he had come too far to turn back now. This entire plan hinged on his ability to keep moving forward and to never look back. 

Will removed the ukulele from his back, and began softly strumming one of his mother’s songs. They always brought him comfort, and he needed that comfort now more than ever. His voice was unsteady due to his nerves, but he poured his grief into the performance, hitting each note with passion and fervour until he was interrupted by a loud groan. 

The ground shook as the boulders shifted, and slowly a triangular crevice revealed itself. The gap was just wide enough for a person to squeeze through, and he was hit with the smell of mildew, decay, and dust. When Will peeked inside, he couldn’t see a thing. 

It was dark and creepy, but down those long winding steps was the god who could return his sister to him, and so he took a deep breath, slung the ukulele across his back, and pushed into the gap. 

Will had barely made it down ten steps when the rocks began to groan again, and the doors shut behind him. 

He was officially past the point of no return. There was no changing his mind now. Whatever happened, happened. 

“Well, here goes nothing,” he muttered to himself. 

With the doors closed, there was no more sunlight to light the way, and Will was plunged into pitch black darkness. He had always been frustrated at how useless some of his powers could be, but he was grateful for one in particular at that moment. 

Will took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. His skin began to emit a gentle glow, and it lit enough of the passageway that he could see where he was stepping. With one hand on the cold damp wall, and the other gripping the strap of his ukulele, he made his way down the stairs. 

This was where he was going to lead Gracie on the way out, and where he assumed Orpheus tried to lead Eurydice. Now that he was making the journey himself, he could understand why Orpheus had been so paranoid. 

Even with his glow, it was impossibly dark down here, and sometimes he swore he could see something move in the shadows. The soundscape of New York City was silenced, and the tunnel was filled with nothing but his own breathing and heartbeat. At one point, he thought he heard footsteps further down and almost slipped down the stairs in his surprise, but he swallowed his fear and pressed on. 

Gracie needed him to be brave and focused. No matter what he saw or heard, he was going to do what Orpheus failed to do and lead her out of here without looking back. All he had to do was convince Hades to let him try (something he suspected was easier said than done). 

The staircase seemed to go on forever, but eventually, the darkness began to brighten. Will switched off his glow to conserve his energy once he was certain he could see without it, and soon he reached his destination at the bottom. 

The underworld. 

It was everything he thought it would be and worse. 

The staircase opened up onto a beach of black volcanic sand. The roar of the River Styx was loud in his ears as it cascaded down the rocks and winded its way through Erebos. Far above him hung a ceiling of stalactites, no sky or clouds in sight, and the lack of natural sunlight was making him feel oddly lethargic. The smell of sulphur was so strong it made his eyes water. 

Will surveyed his surroundings until he saw it: off in the distance, camped out along the horizon, was Hades’ palace. Its obsidian walls were tall and imposing, and dread settled into his stomach at the mere sight. 

He was going to march through those bronze gates and demand an audience with Hades, arguably the most intimidating god in the pantheon. 

Gods, he hoped Hades wasn’t in a smiting mood. 

Will took a deep breath to steel himself, and stepped forward, sneakers crunching on the sand as he walked. 

“Going somewhere?” 

Will was not proud of the string of expletives that left his lips at the sudden voice. He whipped around in shock, and only then noticed that someone was leaning back against the cliff wall next to the stairs. 

His first thought was that this was a god, but he was fairly certain Hades was not in the habit of appearing like a sixteen year old boy in a My Chemical Romance t-shirt, and he had no other ideas on which god this could be.

His second thought was that this was a demigod, but that didn’t make any sense either. Nobody went to the underworld unless they had no other choice. Not to mention, as head medic, it was Will’s responsibility to know everyone at Camp Half-Blood and he liked to think he would have remembered a face like that. 

The boy looked to be about his age, give or take, with messy black hair that tumbled down to his shoulders. His face was angular with a hooked nose, a sharp jaw, and sharper cheekbones, and his mesmerising eyes were so dark they looked almost black. It would not be difficult to get lost in eyes like those. 

What really caught Will’s eye, however, was the third degree burn scars on his right arm. Patches of harsh red and scorched black skin dotted his arm all the way from the back of his hand up to his elbow. He knew just from looking at him that the injury had to be years old and long past the point his healing would have any real effect, but still, the healer in him wanted to take a closer look to see just how deep that burn went.

The scarring proved this couldn’t be a god - no god would choose to appear with anything less than perfect skin - so this had to be a demigod. 

But what was a demigod doing down here? 

Regardless, Will knew better than to snark at someone who may or may not be a god, so he stood up straight, held his head high, and defaulted to deference. “I’m here for an audience with Lord Hades.” 

The boy raised an eyebrow and looked him over, his gaze fixing on Will’s ukulele. “If your plan is to sing a song so pretty it convinces him to let you bring a loved one back to life, you might as well give up now because it’s not going to work.” 

The immediate dismissal hit him like a punch to the gut. “You don’t know that,” Will shot back defensively. 

“I think I do, actually.”

“Why?”

“Well, for a start, it didn’t work out for Orpheus, so I don’t know why you would think it would work for you. Secondly… he hates the ukulele.”

Will’s face burned in embarrassment, and he gripped the strap self-consciously. “But… it’s my Dad’s.”

“And who’s your Dad?”

“Apollo?” 

The boy snorted. “Even worse. He hates Apollo. You don’t stand a chance.” 

When Will went spelunking through the Big House attic in search of an instrument (one he could smuggle out of camp without his siblings noticing it was missing anyway) and he happened upon a ukulele that his father had blessed, he had taken it as divine endorsement of his plan. Apollo himself approved of Will’s mission to rescue his daughter, and directed him to one of the few instruments Will knew how to play. In a world dictated by prophecies and fate, there was no such thing as coincidence. 

Now that a random teenager who spoke like he knew Hades personally was telling him that he was doomed to fail, his confidence was shaken. He already knew this was a longshot. He already knew that this was going to be one of the most difficult things he had to do. What did it say about his chances that a kid from Hades’ court thought it was impossible? 

…But giving up meant dooming Gracie to an untimely death, and he just couldn’t do that. 

“I guess we’ll find out,” Will said stubbornly. “Now if you’ll excuse me….” He spun on his heel, and continued on his way towards Hades’ palace. 

Will half-expected the boy to follow him, but he heard no footsteps behind him, and breathed a sigh of relief. 

He thought he had escaped him and his judgement until the boy popped out from behind a fallen stalactite and fell into step beside him. 

Wait. How did he get in front of him? 

Will looked back over his shoulder at the cliff face - a distance too far to walk that quickly - and back at the boy who merely raised a brow at him as if Will was the weird one for being so confused. 

Did he teleport?

“You know, you’re not the first person since Orpheus to try this stunt,” the boy said as if whatever just happened didn’t happen, “and every single person before you failed. They weren’t even allowed to try. What makes you so special that you think he’s going to let you?” 

That’s the problem: Will didn’t think he was special, and there was nothing about his situation that felt particularly unique or worthy of Hades’ consideration either. He was here because he loved his sister, and he had to try something to bring her back, no matter how impossible it seemed. 

This guy and his pessimism, however, was beginning to piss him off and he had no desire to explain himself to him. Instead, he rounded on him and blurted out, “I’m sorry, who are you?” 

“Nico,” he said, as if that explained anything, “and you are?” 

Will straightened. “Will Solace. Head medic at Camp Half-Blood.” He watched Nico’s face for any sign that he knew what that was, but his expression remained carefully neutral. “And I’m going to ask Lord Hades to release one of his souls into my care whether you think that’s a good idea or not.” 

“I don’t, for the record.”

“Yeah, you made that clear.” Will rolled his eyes and continued walking. 

Nico casually strolled beside him. “As head medic, you should know better than anyone that the dead should stay dead. Lord Hades doesn’t appreciate people who try to argue otherwise. If you don’t want to end up dead with them, I suggest you head back now.” 

“Thanks for the warning, but I’m well aware of the risks. I know what I’m doing.” 

Will could feel Nico’s eyes watching him, but he kept his gaze fixed on the palace. “...If you don’t leave, I’ll be forced to make you.”

“Oh yeah?” Will scoffed. “And how are you going to do that?” 

Without warning, Nico grabbed the front of Will’s shirt and shoved him. 

The move was so unexpected that Will stumbled backwards with a yelp. There was another fallen stalactite behind him, and his back should have hit it. Instead, all the light around them was snuffed out and they were plunged into freezing cold. 

Thousands of whispering voices screamed in his ear. The wind whirred past him so fast it pushed at his face like he had gone down the drop on a rollercoaster. The world around them was completely black, and he could see nothing but Nico’s serene face in front of him, feel nothing but his bony fingers gripping tightly onto the fabric of his shirt. 

It only lasted a moment, and Will soon fell flat onto his back with an audible “OOF!”

Disoriented, he blinked up at the cloudy sky. Green grass tickled at his bare forearms. 

Will sat up on his elbows and realised he was back outside in Central Park. Nico stood in the Doors of Orpheus, looking down at him with faint amusement. “If you value your life at all, you won’t come back.” 

Nico thumped the inner wall of the passageway, and the rocks rolled back into place, shutting Will out and his hopes of rescuing Gracie with him. 

[hello-nichya-here]

hey you expressed support for Palestine before, i was wondering what ur thoughts were on a volunteer for AO3 being warned and canned for supporting palestine? i don't see a lot of big fanfiction writers on ao3 talking abt this, and you aren't obligated to, but i feel like you would have a unique perspective (in a good way)

Okay, I've tried looking into it but everytime I just get linked back to the same post that talks about what alledgedly happened, but no links or screenshots to the actual thing, so if anyone can help me out with that so I can check how true it is, I'd appreciate it a lot.

Now, if it turns to be true... man, what a fucking disappointment. Not just because, obviously, supporting literal genocide is attrocious, but also because for years ao3 has been the anti-censorship website, so it suddenly deciding "Actually, we ARE going to ban you if you say stuff we don't like/agree with" is a terrible sign.

Again, if this is true, hit them (and especially OTW, who own them) where it hurts: no donations, and make sure to send emails contacting them to demand explanation/make it clear that the reason for lack of donations is them supporting genocide going back on their word and censoring people despite their main thing being "We're a goddamn archieve". It's an organisation that functions through volunteer work after all. After all the years of always surpassing their goal and getting extra donations all the time, that should scare them enough to bitchslap some sense into them.

As for the possibility of changing to a different site, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you guys that, but nobody who got used to ao3 is changing to fucking Wattpad and the likes because these sites are unusable, and Fanfic.Net is basically dead and glitching all the time AND a large portion of ao3's userbase jumped ship from Fanfic.Net and they're not coming back. There's a reason ao3 grew so fast it's because it was literally the only site that wasn't broken, unusable or heavily censored - and again, even if this fuckery is true and that last part seems to be at risk of going out the window, that still makes it the only fic site that is in any way functional.

Even if a perfect alternative were to magically appear today, it'd still take time for people to try it out, get used to it, like it, post stuff both there AND ao3 on the regular to build a community, and then finally move to the new alternative exclusively. It won't be an overnight thing.

As for the inevitable "but how can you continue using ao3 knowing what it supports" I'm gonna get even if this turns out to be a lie or misunderstanding: there's a big difference between a major company or super relevant government supporting something attrocious and a fanfic site supporting something attrocious.

Ao3/OTW doesn't have the money to buy Israel more guns and bombs. It isn't funding illegal mining in Congo that is killing toddlers like Tesla is, or making a bunch of chinese children work as slaves like Apple, and it is OBVIOUSLY not the same as Biden not only continuing to fund Israel's war effort but also randomly attacking Iraq and Iran just because americans always look for any excuse to bomb the middle east.

Ao3/OTW supporting Israel would be the popular kid in school or the neighbour everyone likes supporting Israel - disappointing, and at worst makes you worry about them influencing some morons to go "Well, BOTH sides have done bad things" or "It's just different opinions", but it won't actually kill anyone.

For now, I'm still on ao3, and on Belletristica despite their search function sucking, and I'm one of the five people that is still on Fanfic.net and will likely stay there until the site implodes for good. Worst comes to worst, you guys just have to google "Zucest" over and over until you inevitably find me somewhere.