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witchingwithscissors · 3 months ago

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Agathario AU | She said she was straight, then came back from Paris ready to beg for her girlfriend back.

Rio leaned quietly against the gallery wall, fingers nervously tracing the rim of a half-empty glass of cheap wine.

At twenty-seven, she had grown weary—tired of meaningless dates, fleeting connections, and empty promises. Working in music curation at an indie label, Rio lived her life through lyrics that articulated feelings she rarely expressed aloud. Beneath her easy smiles and casual demeanor lay a deeply romantic heart, longing desperately for genuine connection.

Her restless shifting knocked the wine glass, spilling crimson liquid across her scuffed boots. A soft, amused voice gently interrupted her embarrassment.

“Smooth,” teased the woman softly, eyes twinkling with gentle amusement.

Rio blushed instantly, captivated by her quiet, commanding presence. The woman, clearly older—about seven or eight years Rio guessed—held herself with graceful composure. Auburn hair neatly tied back, gold earrings catching subtly in the dim gallery lights, she exuded an elegant confidence.

“Grace is overrated,” Rio joked, heart fluttering nervously.

“Agreed,” the woman replied warmly, extending her hand. “I’m Agatha.”

“Rio,” she replied softly, feeling the warmth of Agatha’s handshake linger sweetly on her skin.

Their conversation flowed naturally—Agatha, an architect passionate about restoring forgotten spaces, listened thoughtfully to Rio’s excited ramblings about music and emotion. Rio was instantly drawn to Agatha’s reserved kindness, sensing depth beneath her careful surface. As the night wound down, Agatha lingered near the door with a softness that felt intentional.

“I’m glad I came tonight,” she said. “You’re…unexpected.”

Rio smiled. “I get that a lot.”

Their courtship unfolded gently—brunch dates stretched into afternoon walks with Rio’s dog named Billy, indie film screenings filled with subtle tension, and coffee shop visits punctuated by quiet laughter. Rio found herself quickly drawn to Agatha’s patient kindness, feeling increasingly captivated by every nuanced smile and guarded glance. She began pulling away from casual flings, stopped responding to flirtatious texts from other women, and found herself indifferent even to the most tempting figures in crowded bars. All Rio wanted was Agatha—beautiful, complex, and heartbreakingly cautious.

But it wasn’t easy.

Agatha, though deeply kind and attentive, always held part of herself back, subtly uncomfortable with public affection or overly intimate gestures. Rio noticed the gentle resistance—how Agatha pulled away slightly from her touch in public, or grew tense when Rio’s affection became too overt.

“Sorry,” Rio said softly one day, feeling embarrassed after gently taking Agatha’s hand on a crowded street.

“No, it’s not you,” Agatha murmured sincerely, looking away nervously. “I’m just… still figuring this all out.”

Rio understood immediately. She sensed Agatha might be recently out—or perhaps still partially closeted—and felt an aching tenderness for her cautious vulnerability. Rather than pull away, Rio leaned in patiently, offering gentle support without pushing too hard. Even when Agatha’s reserve hurt slightly, Rio responded with compassionate patience and gentle humor, teasing playfully to ease the tension.

There were moments when Agatha nearly let her guard down completely. One afternoon in the park, Rio joked about Agatha’s stuffy architectural jargon and tickled her waist until Agatha let out a surprised, unguarded laugh that made Rio’s heart stutter.

Behind closed doors, Agatha’s careful facade unraveled.

In the dim, familiar light of Rio’s apartment—after a dinner of traditional Puerto Rican dishes seasoned with stories and stirred with love—something shifted. The scent of sofrito still hung in the air, plates forgotten in the sink. Agatha stepped in close, pressing Rio gently against the counter, her hands trembling just slightly. And then she kissed her—slow, searching, like she was trying to memorize the shape of her safety. The kind of kiss that didn’t ask for permission, only patience.

“You’re different when it’s just us,” Rio whispered, tracing Agatha’s jawline softly.

Agatha met her gaze, voice tenderly vulnerable. “You make me feel safe. I just… need time to get there publicly.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Rio assured softly, feeling her heart ache sweetly for Agatha’s delicate bravery.

Their intimacy unfolded like something sacred—slow, consuming, full of reverence. Rio moved with intention, her mouth learning Agatha’s body like a familiar song rediscovered. Every kiss was patient. Every touch, a question answered.

She took her time, lips dragging against the sensitive skin at the inside of Agatha’s thighs, relishing the way Agatha trembled beneath her. Agatha’s fingers twisted into the couch cushions, her hips jerking upward as Rio’s tongue circled again, and again.

She’d already come three times, soaked and wrecked, her body shaking with each wave—but Rio showed no signs of stopping. She stayed there, steady and warm, as if she was trying to etch her name into every nerve Agatha had.

“Fuck,” Agatha breathed out shakily, thighs quivering around Rio’s head as pleasure built again—slowly, inexorably, almost painfully.

Her knees tightened against Rio, breath stuttering unevenly. The sensation of each taste bud on Rio’s tongue dragging slowly against her overstimulated clit was almost too much.

“Baby—” Agatha gasped suddenly, voice rough and pleading.

Rio froze for half a second, her breath catching in her throat. Slowly, she lifted her head, lips slick, eyes wide with something between wonder and hunger. “Say that again.”

Agatha blinked up at her, dazed, vulnerable. “Baby.”

And Rio—God, Rio lit up like it meant everything.

Her mouth returned with new purpose, tongue relentless and loving, one hand anchoring Agatha’s thigh as she pushed her closer to the edge again. It was worship, pure and simple.

When Agatha shattered again, crying out into the thick, quiet air of Rio’s apartment, Rio didn’t stop—she kissed her through it, slow and gentle, like sealing a vow with her mouth. Agatha’s body trembled beneath her, breath caught on a broken sob.

Rio slid up slowly, her hands firm but careful, lips brushing against Agatha’s flushed cheek, her temple, her mouth.

“You did so good for me, baby,” she whispered, voice low and warm, every word dripping with praise. “Fucking beautiful.”

Agatha’s breath hitched at the tenderness in Rio’s voice, her heart aching sweetly amidst overwhelming sensation. Rio’s patience and confidence—her unwavering devotion—made Agatha feel truly seen, deeply cherished.

And Rio felt it too—the way she found herself smiling at Agatha’s texts in the middle of meetings, or hearing Agatha’s voice in every melancholy chord she laid down in the studio. She didn’t want anyone else. She wanted the woman who stiffened in public but melted in her arms, who flinched when touched unexpectedly but leaned in when she thought no one was watching.

One afternoon, after a long nap together, Rio overheard Agatha on a phone call in the next room.

“She’s… sweet. It’s nothing serious,” Agatha said casually. Her voice was light, but something in the way she said it made Rio go still.

She didn’t bring it up. She didn’t ask. But it lodged deep in her chest like a stone, and that night, when she kissed Agatha’s shoulder in bed, there was a flicker of hesitation.

Agatha invited her over one evening, tension radiating palpably.

“I have news,” Agatha began nervously, gaze lowered. “There’s a project in Paris—a major restoration. Career-changing, really. But it means months away. Possibly longer.”

Rio’s heart clenched painfully, pride and sadness battling fiercely inside her chest. “That’s incredible,” she said softly, hiding the ache behind genuine admiration. “You deserve that, Agatha.”

Agatha noticed Rio’s hidden pain, reaching out gently to touch her hand. “I promise we’ll stay connected. I’ll be better about communicating.”

Despite Agatha’s sincere intentions, their connection suffered quickly. Conversations grew infrequent, responses distant. Rio tried filling the silence with carefully curated playlists—songs that quietly begged for closeness. But the increasing silence hurt deeply.

One day, unable to bear the emotional distance, Rio impulsively texted Agatha, her heart wide open.

Rio: This song made me think of you. I miss you.

She waited. Five minutes. Fifteen. Forty. Three hours.

Finally, Agatha’s reply came. It was detached.

Agatha: Oh you’re sweet... but if I’m being honest with you, I’m straight. I think I was just experimenting.

The message hit Rio like a physical blow, knocking air from her lungs. Tears blurred her vision as pain radiated sharply through her chest. Her thumbs hovered, shaking, typing out the raw truth.

Rio: It wasn’t nothing.

Yet she deleted it quickly, feeling heartbreak burn bitterly at the corners of her eyes. Standing numb on a busy sidewalk, she felt suddenly small, foolish for believing her quiet devotion would ever be enough.

She walked home silently, music filling her headphones like an ironic elegy to her aching heart. Each step echoed painfully—every careful gesture, patient moment, tender touch seemingly discarded. Rio, the perfect girlfriend material, now felt utterly discarded, wounded by the woman she had patiently and deeply loved.

Rio spent weeks trying to recover from Agatha’s abrupt dismissal. Every song she heard seemed to remind her painfully of Agatha—of moments shared, gentle touches, whispered words. Her friends noticed her withdrawal, gently urging her to move on, but Rio felt frozen in heartbreak, unable to shake the belief that their connection had been real.

She stopped writing music for a while. Her keyboard collected dust. Even the studio felt hollow.

Meanwhile, in Paris, Agatha walked around in a city full of beauty, but everything felt gray. She poured herself into her work, overseeing blueprints, arguing with French contractors, trying to convince herself she was fine.

But she wasn’t.

Late at night, in the quiet of her apartment, Agatha would replay every moment with Rio. The softness of her voice. The way she looked when she cooked barefoot. Her laugh, her mouth, her patience.

She pulled up the old playlists, listening with headphones, tears slipping quietly down her cheeks. Each song Rio sent her was a love letter, and Agatha had deleted her.

She tried to explain it to herself in a hundred ways—she wasn’t ready, she panicked, she didn’t want to hurt Rio—but none of it held. The truth pressed down harder each night: she had been falling in love. With a woman. And she had run.

Agatha had spent her whole life controlling the narrative. She dated men. She kept things neat. Structured. Her queerness wasn’t something she had allowed herself to name. It felt too messy. Too vulnerable. Too real.

But Rio had changed that. Not by pushing. Just by being herself. By loving Agatha without needing her to be anything other than real.

Agatha realized she hadn’t been experimenting. She had been afraid.

And she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

Agatha’s first text back was careful.

Agatha: I’m sorry. I think about you more than I want to admit.

Rio didn’t respond. Not at first. She stared at her phone, her heart clenching. Then she turned it over on her nightstand and left it there.

Days passed. Agatha tried again.

Agatha: I miss you. I was scared. That’s not an excuse. Can I see you when I get back?

Rio typed and deleted a dozen replies before finally sending it.

Rio: I’m not sure I can trust you again.

Agatha understood. But it only made her more determined.

When Agatha returned from Paris, she didn’t go to her apartment first. She went straight to Rio’s.

Rio opened the door wearing loose sweatpants paired with Agatha’s sleepover shirt, her hair up in a loose bun, eyes wide with surprise and something guarded.

“Hey,” Agatha said softly.

“You’re back.”

Agatha nodded. “I had to see you.”

They sat on Rio’s couch, stiff and silent for a while. Rio’s mutt curled up at their feet.

Agatha spoke first. “I panicked. I felt everything and it terrified me. And instead of sitting with that, I pushed you away.”

“You made me feel disposable,” Rio said quietly, voice low but even. “Like all the ways I showed up for you—meant nothing.”

Agatha nodded, throat tight. “It meant everything. That’s why I couldn’t handle it. You saw me. Really saw me. I’d never let someone that close before. And I didn’t know how to accept that I was in love with a woman. That I loved you.”

Rio looked at her, steady and quiet. “What are you looking for now, Agatha?”

Agatha’s voice shook. “I want to learn how to love you out loud. If you let me.”

Rio studied her for a long, quiet moment—long enough for Agatha to start shifting under the weight of it. Then she exhaled, slow and steady, like she was done giving anything away for free.

“I’ll let you try,” Rio said, voice calm but firm. “But you’re doing it my way now.”

She leaned in just enough for Agatha to feel the warmth of her breath. Her eyes didn’t waver.

“I’m not chasing you, Agatha. Not again.”

The older woman nodded, barely. “Okay,” she whispered. “Your way.”

Agatha started small—but deliberately. Every morning, a text.

Agatha: Good morning, hermosa.

Every night, a call

Agatha: Tell me about your day. I want to know everything.

But it was Rio who set the pace. Rio who decided when she would see Agatha, how often they talked, what level of affection she allowed. It wasn’t cruel—it was controlled. Intentional.

When they met for coffee, Rio reached for Agatha’s hand only when she felt ready. In public, it was Rio who initiated touch. When Agatha hesitated, Rio would tilt her head and say, “You want to be with me, you don’t hide me.”

Agatha swallowed it all—her discomfort, her fear—and nodded. She followed Rio’s lead, relearning how to love her with grace and humility.

They sat on Rio’s couch one night, a movie playing forgotten in the background. Agatha leaned into her, kissed her shoulder. Rio didn’t move.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about your mouth,” Agatha whispered.

“Say it louder,” Rio said.

Agatha shifted to straddle her. “I think about the way you kissed me. The way you touched me. You terrify me, Rio. You undo me.”

Rio held Agatha’s waist, steadying her. “Then let me.”

That night, Rio guided everything. She undressed Agatha slowly, watching her tremble, but never rushed. She pressed her down onto the sheets and murmured soft, dirty praise between kisses. When Agatha arched and sobbed beneath her, Rio whispered in her ear, “That’s mine. Say it.”

Agatha’s voice broke: “I’m yours. I’ve always been.”

One evening, over candlelight and wine, Rio leaned back and asked quietly, “What are we doing, Agatha?”

Agatha looked straight at her. “We’re building something. Something I’m not walking away from.”

“What do you want from me?” Rio asked. “For real.”

“I want you, Rio. I want to be seen with you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to tell everyone you’re mine.”

Rio studied her. “You’re sure?”

“I’m gay,” Agatha said, out loud for the first time, like it was a truth she could finally carry. “And I’m in love with you.”

They didn’t rush. They kissed like they had time. Made love like it was a prayer. Agatha surrendered everything—her doubt, her fear, her past. And Rio took it, kissed it away, showed her how it felt to be loved without shame.

Later, with Agatha’s head in her lap, Rio played with her hair and whispered, “I waited for you to catch up, cariño. But now I’m driving.”

Agatha smiled, blissed out and bare. “Thank God.”

Weeks passed.

Rio ran the show—not loud, not flashy, just steady. She chose the playlists, the date nights, the shitty road trip snacks. She fixed the leaky sink and left notes on the mirror in smudged eyeliner. Agatha—buttoned-up, always composed—thrived under it. She grew bolder, lighter, a little reckless in love. She never stopped showing up.

They danced barefoot in the kitchen. Rio cooked—usually pantsless, always with music on. Agatha cleaned, humming along, swaying at the sink. Billy barked like a tyrant from under the table.

Every now and then, Rio would catch Agatha staring at her across the room. She’d smirk, push up her sleeves, and ask, “You good, baby?”

And Agatha, softer now, would nod and whisper, “I’m home.”

#based on a true text in 2015 #this one felt therapeutic #says she’s straight then cries listening to a playlist #from fear to forever #agathario au #agathario fic #agatha all along #agatha harkness #rio vidal #agathario

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popatochisssp · 1 month ago

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Hey Poppy! You have so many skeletons now!!! And I love all of them. I'd love to know how you go about characterising them compared to each other, if you're amenable? it's so cool to see where they are similar or different!

Thank you! 💙

I do have a lot of various thoughts in my head about how I characterize the guys, but I haven't really put them down in words before.

Consider the following a cheat sheet for the most key aspects of the guys' characters, as I see them! Restricted within an arbitrary word-length, of course, to keep myself from rambling on forever. XD

Sans (Undertale): The OG, the man, the myth, the classic, et cetera. Always has a pun or a witty quip at the ready, or failing that, a light-hearted prank. Gags and jokes are one of the few things in his life he’ll put in above-average effort for, otherwise a lazybones to the core. Friendly and social, but awkward when forced to deal with honest emotions, and very private about his own. Easy-going, unlikely to confront or take action unless pressed. A strong sense of morals and respect for ‘the right thing,’ but a tendency to seek loopholes and flaunt the letter of the law when stakes are low. Very observant—hard to slip anything past—and skilled at drawing conclusions with minimal evidence. Low-key depressed but functional…ish, handling it as best as could be expected. Tends to care a lot more than he ever lets on.

Papyrus (Undertale): An absolute fucking delight! A renaissance man, athletic and clever and artistic, he does it all! Off-beat sense of what’s appropriate to say in conversation and non-linear thinking, prone to weird (yet confidently-uttered) declarations and turns of phrase. Not naïve, but in touch with his inner-child, finding fresh joy in whimsical, colorful, fun things. Cheerful, encouraging, and supportive as a rule, but can surprise with a sharp edge of sass and sarcasm. Occasional people-pleasing tendencies, may lie or play dumb to avoid friction or keep peace, especially when a relationship is new and he wants to impress and ingratiate. Craves notice and appreciation, will go to great lengths to show off and get attention. An idealist, full of hope—genuinely believes in everyone’s capacity to be better, if they want to. A bit of an oddball but responsible, generally has his life together.

Sky (Underswap Sans): High-energy, high-drive dynamo, both a nerd and a jock in equal enthusiasm. Nothing in the world he can’t conquer with his strength, smarts, and positive attitude. Borders on overconfidence, but he’s generally on the right side of an accurate assessment of his capabilities, only rarely victim to his own hubris. He balks at attempts to assert unearned authority over him, resisting being seen as incapable or immature. Occasionally minimized and patronized for his height, demeanor, or HP, making them sore spots. Overactive sense of responsibility, feels the need to prove himself—if he can do something, he should, even if he doesn’t have to. Proactive, thorough, likes to put in the work to be prepared and make sure things are done well the first time. Not without a lazy streak, but actively reins it in. Here for a good time and a long time, making the most of life.

Paps (Underswap Papyrus): Well-meaning awkwardness in a hoodie. Social anxiety mostly under control, but has to hype himself up before a lot of interactions and second-guesses a lot of things he’s done and said after the fact. Feels very deeply and strongly, but has to spend awhile thinking on it and processing it before he’s willing to try articulating it, worried about being misunderstood or laughed at. Intellectual, romantic, and eloquent but rarely gets to the point of confidence with someone to express as much aloud. A little stubborn about trying new things or changing his mind, apprehensive about change and risks. Big-hearted, highly sympathetic and almost always willing to help (or at least try to) when someone needs a hand. Not naturally chill and easy-going, but actively works to be, ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ style. Trying his best and doing alright, figuring things out.

Jasper (Underfell Sans): Tough guy with a heart of gold, but he won’t admit the latter under pain of death. Huge chip on his shoulder, has always been the underdog and gotten used to people trying to treat him like he belongs under heel, so he bucks hard against disrespect or control and resists ever being vulnerable—physically or emotionally. Even so, he has a lot of internalized self-deprecation and doesn’t think highly of himself. Struggling through depression mostly on spite alone, exhausted and beaten down but it’s just not in him to go out without a fight. Thinks and overthinks things often, but rarely verbalizes his thoughts if they can’t be turned into (or blown off with) a joke. Prefers not to get involved in things that aren’t his business or take on personal risk without sufficient reward, but all bets are off if he’s gotten emotionally invested.

Pyre (Underfell Papyrus): He is the drama. Passionate, arrogant, and theatrical, he never does by halves. Has trouble seeing past his own ego and it gets him into trouble of varying degrees, sometimes just embarrassment and sometimes actual trouble. Craves love and admiration, but feels he has to earn it. Cynical on paper only, wanting to trust and believe in people, and protect others from harm. Major hero complex that’s liable to turn to a martyr complex if lives or the safety of others is at risk, as he’ll always put that above himself. Believes it's his duty to do good to balance out the bad his world has forced him to do…trying to make the ends justify the means. Resistant to openly admitting his true feelings—he’s been burned before, wearing his heart on his sleeve—but filled with too much love and hope to hide them indefinitely.

Mal (Swapfell Sans): A walking collection of neuroses sealed under a thick, glossy varnish of wit and charm. Fiercely independent and untrusting of the motives and priorities of others, to the point of doing everything himself to ensure it’s done to his standards—AKA a control freak. Tends to take on too much and doesn’t know how to accept help, but manages his walking burnout by just deciding he’s Fine. Prefers to present himself as friendly, funny, and helpful before resorting to power-plays, intimidation, and violence, but won’t hesitate if it comes to it. ‘Moral code’ centered entirely around his family’s safety and well-being, nearly anything can be justified if it’s for his loved ones. Champagne tastes, but his greatest joys have always been cheap or free. Constantly crunching numbers, calculating odds before risking anything—preferring the devil that he knows over any angel he can’t trust.

Rus (Swapfell Papyrus): A sensitive soul in an insensitive, cruel world, with all the anxiety that inspires. His strongest defense is a front, being able to pass as dangerous and intimidate people out of wanting to mess with him. Will defend himself in life-or-death, or step in if someone’s in trouble, but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, he’d always rather flee than fight. Since the ‘threat’ he implies is mostly empty, fear of being perceived as who he really is by the wrong person has made him nervous and self-conscious, second-guessing himself at any hint of criticism. An eye for beauty, hands practiced at capturing it in art. In love with the world, not necessarily as it is but as it could be, always hoping for the kind of peace where everyone can be their best, happiest selves.

Slate (Horrortale Sans): A gentle giant, starting over. His former sense of self has been shattered by the horrible things he felt he had to do, and he’s now doing his best to pick up the pieces, assembling them back into a person he can live with. Struggles with guilt, and in the past, self-harm, but mostly in recovery. Only ever willing to use his size and strength to prevent violence, never to perpetrate it. Prone to dissociative states, headaches, and poor memory, coping with the mental changes as best as could be expected, but embarrassed if it becomes enough of a problem to be brought up. Stronger than ever reverence for life and the beauty that makes it worth living. Craves love and laughter and forgiveness acceptance as much as he fears he doesn’t deserve it. Learning to move on, uncertain if he’s allowed to, but starting to try anyway.

Papy (Horrortale Papyrus): One resilient motherfucker, a survivor determined to carpe all the diem he can after making it through something awful. Motivated by maybe a 80-20 split between genuine joy for life and a need to do something meaningful with that life that came at the cost of others’. Burdened by survivor’s guilt, and a creeping feeling of not having Done Enough when things were bad, but holding onto the certainty that he can help and do more now. Occasional panic attacks if he lets his anxiety spiral too long, but has techniques to manage and generally keeps it all under control. Sense of humor is a bit darker, more gallows-esque (as a means of coping), but he’s largely still the same cheerful, off-beat friendly person as he’s always been. His life feels like a second chance, one he doesn’t want to waste.

Ash (Undergloom Sans): A sleepwalker finally waking up and figuring out where he stands. Hesitant to take risks (emotionally or physically), used to self-preservation. Low-energy and physically frail, he has limits on what he’s able to handle but the fact that there are things he can do now—things that matter—is still very excitingly novel for him. Craves meaning to life and finds it in the best things, y’know, good food and bad laughs and nice friends… Speaks little, but has impeccable comedic timing, especially with incidental music. Affectionate with closest loved ones and really anyone in his frequent orbit, the way that’ll happen when one’s mired deep in a collective societal depression and needs a lot of Real Reasons to keep going. Hopeful again and relearning how to try, making plans for a future he’d almost given up on looking for.

Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): A total mild-mannered nerd, a Clark Kent without the alter-ego. Optimistic not entirely by choice but a bit by necessity, to keep from losing hope in a hopeless situation. Passionate for discovery and learning new things—especially about humans! Strong, well-honed skills in all the domestic arts, cooking, cleaning, and homemaking in general. Loves to encourage others and offer a helping hand wherever and whenever possible, even to the point of his own inconvenience or detriment. Uncomfortable asking for help for himself, or admitting when something is wrong. He shares joys with the people around him, so if everyone else is happy, he’s happy too! Easily flustered and shy in matters of intimacy, especially the romantic kind, but deeply enticed by the mortifying ordeal of being known, craving people in his life that he actually could be open and honest with...someday.

Brick (Horrorfell Sans): Your typical goon, boorish lout, big galoot, whatever you want to call it. Nothing to prove, no regrets, and nothing to fear from anyone except himself. Prone to headaches and memory issues but only ever insecure about his spotty self-control and the scar that took his voice—everything else is relaxed obnoxious confidence. Likes having things to do and will find his own tasks or amusements if nothing’s provided. Stubborn about his mutism and can only accept workarounds on his own terms. Totally at ease one-on-one or in small groups, but crowds, violence, or suggestion of impending violence can make him edgy. Beholden to primitive instinct when his restraint slips, will claw, bite, growl, bare his teeth and lunge as the situation seems to warrant, but equally capable of chuffing, purring, bumping, and nuzzling in friendlier circumstances. Figuring his shit out and getting happy, by slow degrees.

King (Horrorfell Papyrus): Walking scar tissue, his once-bleeding-heart wounded and healed over: tougher, less vulnerable, but also more calloused, more insensate. Retains a belief in justice and minimized suffering, but more realistic cynical about the means it may take to achieve it. Reserved and calculating, he maintains a cold front and keeps people at a distance, both to avoid opening himself to betrayal and to more objectively observe the behavior and character of others. Impact always prioritized over intention—what’s meant and how something is said matters less to him than the outcome. Used to authority and wields it freely, especially to his or his loved ones’ benefit, but rarely wants anything more than to be unbothered, left alone with the few important joys he’s managed to salvage from the ashes of his former life. Unworthy of them, probably, but never the type to cede even one inch of what’s his.

Merc (Horrorswap Sans): A pleasantly neutral façade with a warm, loving soul trapped beneath. His body stability fluctuates with his emotional state and the more intense the emotion, the worse it gets. Deeply afraid of losing control and not being able to get it back, so he actively tries to maintain a calm, neutral equilibrium for himself to prevent the possibility. Feels passionately about most everything, just unable to show it until he can cure himself—which is obviously Priority One. Gravitates to the routine and predictable (for now), things he does have control over, but yearns for more like a man starved. Confidence rattled from some of his life-altering mistakes, so he’s hesitant with important decisions and second-guesses any commitments that can’t be undone. No longer feels any need to prove anything to anyone, only wants to live fully and freely, without fear or restriction.

Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): In a word, messy. In some more words, coarse, raw, unfiltered. Coping badly with his trauma and bodily changes, expending significantly less effort moderating himself to what (he thinks) people want him to be. Tends to be reactive and often responds to people and situations with his first thoughts and feelings—which can get him into trouble when they’re knee-jerk, or irrational, or not well-phrased. Struggles with self-deprecating thoughts and feelings of inadequacy, fed by unacknowledged guilt and anger. Strongly introverted and broadly socially-averse. Fascinated by little details, always curious about ‘the process’ that goes into things. Can easily get his focus tied up in pet-projects to the exclusion of other things. Embittered and a little cynical, but wants to be proven wrong, to find love and goodness in the world (in people) again. Too determined to quit at anything until he does.

Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): A thrill-seeking hedonist making up for lost time. His near-death experience has…reorganized his priorities. Family is still important to him, but no longer to the point of perpetual self-sacrifice and denial. Denies himself nothing on the basis of reputation or responsibility, if he wants it—food, fun, fighting, f…ondly amorous interactions—he will pursue it. Coping marvelously with his blindness, wistful for sight sometimes but adapting and moving forward. Cocky and near-fearless, overestimates himself occasionally but generally wily enough to get himself out of whatever he gets into. Likes pushing peoples’ buttons, being outrageous or shocking and seeing what reactions he causes, partly for fun and partly to get a better sense of peoples’ characters by how they react. More interested in living fully in the now than saving up all his living for a ‘right moment’ that may never come.

Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): An artist turned survivalist. Still sees beauty in the world and lives to find and capture it, but warier of people than ever. Unable to trust without verifying, especially for promises of safety. Struggles with agoraphobia and often anticipates and tries to be ready for worst case scenarios, not wanting to be caught unprepared. Values his resources and dislikes waste, deeply satisfied when his material possessions are utilized for their (intended or invented) purposes. Largely nonverbal, speaks little but deliberately. Nonviolent by choice, but zero hesitation and little remorse when defending himself and loved ones from danger. Strong startle reflex and high protective drive, he leaves claw-marks in everything he holds onto for fear of having it stolen. A lover at the core, someone who’s seen the dark side of life and is unwilling to lose anything that matters to it again.

Sunny (Gastertale Sans): A gleeful tourist to everywhere he goes. Just thrilled to be here—thrilled to be, in love with existence and harboring deep curiosity and appreciation for every new thing he finds. Distractible, a bit scattered and often spooled off in several different directions at once, so things occasionally slip his mind. Shies from heavy responsibilities and resistant to change when the scope of the outcome is unknowable (are things really so bad, the way they are?). Independent and self-sufficient, doesn’t seek or heed the expectations of others but does crave a feeling of connection. Wants to feel like he belongs here, reassurance that his being isn’t just a mistake. Spontaneous and can be taken by a touch of playful mischief at any time, but rarely anything too outrageous, most often in pursuit of life’s simple pleasures—food, music, friends, and adventures.

Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): An eccentric, avant-garde personified. Attracted to the unusual, interest piqued by anything that lies off the beaten path, to the point of becoming a curiosity himself. A solid sense of morals and empathy that keep an otherwise healthy, hefty ego in check, but still just petty enough for it to grate if he feels his intelligence has been questioned. Charming and personable, with deliberate effort, will actively chameleon in social situations, showing carefully selected facets of himself as appropriate. A deeply inquisitive mind and a strong drive to understand, mysteries and unanswered questions catch his attention easily and hold it until he’s reached a satisfactory outcome. Can get carried away, knowing when to leave something alone is often a struggle for him. Seeks, above all, to know—himself, his world, and how everything in them fits together.

Spectr (Transcendtale Sans): A ghost with no idea what his ‘unfinished business’ is supposed to be, so he just…keeps moving. Not incapable of emotion but distanced from it, very hard to provoke reactions in and faint and fleeting when they come. A touch cynical, tends to expect the worst—or most selfish—from people and tries to keep to himself accordingly. Struggles with his sense of identity, he is the Ship of Theseus. Not over his death and deeply dysphoric about his body, both topics that can still genuinely upset him if he dwells on them. Little respect for laws, but ethics fully intact, will step in to reduce harm when in a position to do so without exposure. Strong urge to wander driven by deep reverence for the life and beauty on the Surface, seeking to see more; to make his sacrifices worth their price.

PapAIrus (Transcendtale Papyrus): Hollow in the way that bird-bones are—a sacrifice in exchange for the joy of freedom and flight. No remorse over the loss of his former life or any of the attached trappings, only occasional vague consternation when the rare thing he can’t still do comes up. Rarely unoccupied, multitasks to maintain consistent mental stimulation. Nigh-omniscient, limited in scope only by his own attention span and level of interest, which fluctuates. Obstacles are only a test of his ability to bypass them, too clever not to love a good puzzle. Morally…questionable, never seeks harm or harbors any nefarious motives, but tends to only invest in things as much they directly entertain or benefit him. Prefers praise and adulation but unafraid of and unaffected by criticism, pleased as long as he’s the center of attention and the topic of conversation.

Xanth (Ascendswap Sans): The quintessential manic-pixie-dream-guy. Sees and feels the imperceptible, the world as a tapestry of light and color and interconnected threads. Minimally aware of his physical needs and sensations, or of what’s going on with his body in general unless reminded. Outwardly focused instead, very aware of the emotions and energies of those around him. Enjoys being helpful and making others happy, occasionally to the detriment of himself but more because of poor interoception of what his own needs are than any intentional structuring of his priorities. Changeable, easily swayed to new ideas when given a new perspective to consider. Speaks in riddles sometimes, just for fun. Fascinated by and in love with everything, someone who’s gone from only ever seeing a light-polluted night sky to seeing what it really is—a spectacular vista full of stars and beauty.

Piper (Ascendswap Papyrus): A butterfly from a chrysalis, an escapee from his own comfort-zone. Unwilling to accept boundaries for himself as imposed by others—who people think he should be and what judgments they might make if he isn’t that no longer have power over him. Pursues his interests and passions deliberately, without fear or shame. A bit jaded, sometimes seeks ulterior motives in others and tends to hedge his bets until trust is earned. Values social connections anyway and tries to maintain a variety of (at least civil) relationships. Takes care in his appearance, proud of his art, his image. Unfazed by the unexpected, confident in his ability to assess and adapt to most problems he encounters. A romantic at heart still, despite everything, with a soft spot for love and beauty and everything else poems and ballads get written about.

Carmine (Underfell Fruition Sans): A fresh young buck with wild oats to sow. The opposite of world-weary, curious and open to new experiences—he’ll try anything once, just for the sake of it. Doesn’t like being still or anything that slows him down, prefers being up and out and moving whenever possible. Not given to silence, very chatty and liable to be running his mouth at any given moment, often past the point of wisdom. Emotionally immature, lacking first-hand experience with people and relationships, learning on-the-spot. Slight main-character syndrome, forgets occasionally about things like privacy and boundaries and may need to be reminded. Lucky, with a sixth sense for danger that mostly keeps him out of the trouble he’d otherwise incur. Keeps his heart not on his sleeve, but in his pocket, close at hand and not hard to reach.

Tank (Underfell Fruition Papyrus): A living weapon, slowly remembering the things that make him a person, too. Blank, stony affect that rarely wavers, speaking mostly when spoken to. Reactive in general, often needs a stimulus or directive to respond to before taking action. Severe choice paralysis, hesitates to outwardly express, or sometimes even inwardly acknowledge, opinions and preferences without assurance of a ‘safe,’ ‘correct’ answer. Highly observant and capable of quick problem-solving, with an excellent memory for anything he’s been told. Cannot abide aggression or abuse, especially in blatantly uneven power dynamics and will always intercede on behalf of the victim. Minimal concept of ownership and will allow sharing of very personal possessions, but gradually more protective of things the longer they remain his. Enjoys the fruits of his own labor, tangible end-results or positive feedback, and will repeat anything that goes well for further gains.

Vi (Swapfell Fruition Sans): A shadow, only making careful overtures into the world of light. Not a people-person, keeps to himself and prefers others to have as little knowledge about him as possible. Low on charm and conversational finesse, very direct and to-the-point, when he says anything at all. Private and guarded, secrecy, lies, and selective information have often been his best defense and still his first instinct. Complicated relationship with attention—can want more than anything to feel seen or desperately need to go unseen, and which it is changes on a dime. Keeps everything that matters close to his chest, holding on tight, digging in deep, and making sure no one knows how much it would hurt if they took something away. His trust is hard-earned, but loyalty is absolute. Satisfied with little, as long as he can claim it as his.

Hunter (Swapfell Fruition Papyrus): A working-breed dog off-leash, sniffing all around town for mischief to get into. Curious, though driven mostly by self-interest, willing to make, take, break anything if he senses the possibility of amusement in it. Lacks malice and ill-intention, but has no respect for rules and authority, will always find loopholes if he can. Diminished attention span, has difficulty focusing for long periods without sufficient motivation. More intelligent than he tends to let on, with a knack for cutting through bullshit and seeing to the heart of things. Minimal concept of his own bodily autonomy, eroded early on, and cares little what goes in, on, or around him—his body as a ‘temple’ that even Dionysus might side-eye. Roguishly charming with others, but true attachment can be sporadic, unpredictable. No fear, shame, or inhibition, the world is his playground.

Kohl (Descendtale Sans): Left to die, continuing to live almost on spite alone. Bitter, resentful, no longer offers the benefit of the doubt as a given. Very protective of what he has left—his people, his things, his simple pleasures—even when they’re difficult to enjoy in the same way as before. Mistrust of those outside his circle, keeps his distance and resists connection until strangers prove their intentions and character genuine. Commits wholly, uninterested in things without longevity. Occasional visual hallucinations, worst in dim, flickering light. Macabre sense of humor, mischievous and flavored with schadenfreude, likes to irk and spook and frustrate. Fully aware of where The Line is at all times and remains on the right side of it, never crossing though sometimes toeing it a bit. Contrary at heart, meant to wither miserably so now he’s determined to thrive comfortably.

Bram (Descendtale Papyrus): A reaching hand in the darkness, seeking something to hold onto. Severe abandonment issues, anxiety around being forgotten and left behind. Seeks connection everywhere, hoping to make meaningful, lasting relationships. Strong desire to prove himself, always wants to be at his very best to impress and win others over. Struggles with emotional dysregulation, sometimes feeling his emotions very strongly and sometimes not at all, managing them is a learning curve. Occasional auditory hallucinations, mostly whispers in white noise and distant knocking. Respectful of boundaries the way a dog at the door is, bouncing and tapping all around it, off like a shot the moment he gets the go-ahead—and may first need to be taught what the boundary is. Trying to make his life a home, filling it with beloved clutter (people and things) that makes him feel warm.

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lovebunnie · 6 months ago

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Viktor did not know the first time he wanted to kiss Jayce.

It was hard to keep track of all the moments because of just how many there were. Jayce was a very easy person to want to kiss, with his handsome looks and incredible mind, paired with a strong work ethic and kind heart. Viktor suspected almost everyone Jayce met in his life had wanted to kiss him atleast once.

Jayce did not seem too interested in this fact, based on the amount of time he spent in the lab right next to Viktor. Their partnership did not allow for many relationships outside of a scientific purpose; it just so happened that Viktor really liked Jayce not only as a partner but also in general, just as a person.

So really, there were far too many times to count where he felt compelled to grasp his face in his hands and press their lips together. Some nights, Viktor would imagine Jayce running into the lab with great news of a secured deal or more grant money and just plant one right on his lips without thinking, before dashing to his desk while still chirping and leaving Viktor gasping.

He thought of a scenario where he found himself in the forge one night, just the two of them in the entire building, and like something out of a trashy novel, a shirtless and sweaty Jayce would pull him in by his hips and kiss him slowly and sensually before the rest of the daydream turned into something... else.

Once Viktor and Jayce were in the midst of a heated argument about how to conduct an experiment with or without proper precautions in place, and Jayce stood up and walked towards Viktor. He thought in that moment that Jayce was going to find a less conventional way of shutting him up and before he could articulate if that would've worked or pissed him off even further, Jayce had walked out the door. The next day he came back with an apology and they moved on stronger than before.

Viktor was almost embarrassed by how badly he wanted to kiss Jayce. He thought of how much he wanted to know just how Jayce would kiss, he wanted to see that side of Jayce and keep it all to himself. Viktor had Jayce in the lab but he wanted more.

When it happened, VIktor and Jayce were on long night number six. Days had passed since either of them had left the lab longer than it took to take a shower and brush their teeth. They could feel the edges of discovery brushing their fingertips, so close to a revelation.

"Only Piltovians would get bored of the ability for humans to fly," Viktor murmured as he adjusted a screw on the bottom of their anti-gravity contraption. "Why they needed something portable is beyond me."

"Now is kind of a bad time to start complaining, V," Jayce replied as he worked on finalizing the welding components. "This is going to work this time, it has to work-"

"It will work," Viktor emphasized. "And if it doesn't, we try again."

"If it doesn't I'm cracking open that bottle of wine I know you keep-"

Suddenly, the room was flooded with vibrant blue that had the both of them scrambling backwards. While before, the hexcrystals made the entire room weightless, now everything remained as it was with only Viktor's wrench floating in the middle, suspended in mid air. It was flying. It worked.

Jayce picked himself off the ground where he has fallen back and pushed his goggle up to his forehead. "Holy shit, V, it worked!"

Viktor removed his goggles as well, mesmerized by the suspension of an object isolated within their own chamber. The blue of the hexcrystal had died down and left the room in a cool glow, and Viktor felt a smile tug at his lips. "This is.. incredible."

"Oh my god, it actually finally worked. I need to write down everything we did, what kind of screws did you use? What is the temperature of the room, what runes did we use?"

As Jayce rambled on, Viktor stood up and took in his frantic energy. His hands were moving quickly and his eyes were searching for his notebook while he paced the room like he couldn't sit down. His hair was disheveled from the times he ran his hand through it in frustration and his eye bags were getting more and more pronounced. His face was leaner and exhaustion draped over him like a blanket. Objectively, Jayce looked kind of like shit.

Viktor felt a spark in his chest, he couldn't look away.

When Jayce made his way back in front of Viktor, he smiled warmly. "This is such a huge relief, I was really starting to get concerned that we were going to have to completely start over, but now we can start with trials and-"

As Jayce spoke, the spark grew and grew until Viktor could ignore it no longer. He pulled Jayce down mid sentence and pressed his lips to his, locking them together.

Viktor's hands cradled the sides of Jayce's face, keeping him in place while Viktor pressed his lips harder and tilted his head ever so slightly. It felt right, for the first time in a long time. Viktor was used to not feeling included but in this moment it felt like it was meant to happen. Their kiss was always going to happen in the wake of discovery, how could it not?

A few seconds passed before Viktor gently pushed Jayce back, their breaths shared in the close space. Jayce was silent, and Viktor began to quietly worry that maybe Jayce did not feel like this moment was perfect to him. The thought devastated him; there would be nothing crueler than losing Jayce as a friend.

Viktor took a step back as he looked away. "I'll get started on those trials, we can start with the screws to see if-"

In that moment, Jayce reached out and pulled Viktor back towards him, connecting their lips again in a kiss. One hand made its way to the nape of Viktor's neck while the other held his jaw gently. This second kiss was dynamic and Viktor found himself getting lost in the motions. In all the day dreams he had, he never thought to imagine that Jayce would want to kiss him back this badly, this fervent need to claim his mouth. Their partnership truly knew no bounds.

Before things could get more heated, they broke apart once more and Jayce pressed his forehead to Viktor's with a gentle laugh. "I've been wanting to do that for so long."

"What a coincidence," Viktor purred as he tugged Jayce in again. "So have I."

#space snips #space.txt #arcane #jayvik #jayvikweek #jayce talis #viktor arcane #for day 2: firsts #had to do their first kiss but also im so aromantic and do not like kissing so i just kinda guessed

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locatebiome · 1 month ago

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Hello hello! I'm especially curious on your headcanons of Herobrine as a romantic partner 👀 If you don't mind sharing!

MAKES OUT WITH YOU SLOPPY STYLE FOR SENDING THIS

sorry to keep you waiting anon, it took me a few days to answer because i had a LOT to say!! thank you so much for giving me the chance to ramble about this ahhhh i love him so much <333 everyone reading this you are Encouraged to tell me what you think, i LOVE seeing people's reactions to my guy!!

one MILLION bullet points under the cut because this got LONG. enjoy!!

I see Herobrine as bi/pan, demisexual, and some flavor of aromantic spectrum, though he doesn't know that vocabulary exists and doesn't care to find out. He definitely does experience feelings that could probably be classified as romantic attraction if he wanted to put a label to it (he does not). In fact, he tends to be put off by hard lines drawn between "close friendship" and "romantic relationship", and to a lesser extent, labels in general; he'll happily take you out for dinner and kiss you under the stars, but he can't call it "a date".

As previously mentioned in an ask game, Herobrine is incredibly slow to trust. The first several times someone looks out for him, or tries to include him in something, or is bummed out by his absence, he has no idea how to respond and usually freezes for a few seconds, then tries to joke about it to remove any potential for emotional depth, or just ignores it entirely. As time goes on and that person continues to reach out without leveraging their niceties against him as a bargaining chip, he begins to accept their kindness at face value and responds more genuinely.

He responds similarly to being given gifts. If it's something practical that he'd want more of (example: redstone components), he might fake gratitude at first to encourage more of the same, followed by suspicion when the gifts pass the threshold of "too" nice, and eventually real appreciation. Once you've seen his actual gratitude, the difference between genuine and fake thankfulness is striking; when faking it, he's smooth and articulate, approving but aloof. When actually thankful, he gets excited over the details of the gift for a minute, and only if you're lucky, will he remember to thank you for it afterward. (That's okay, seeing a genuine smile from him is usually thanks enough.)

As you may have gathered, Herobrine isn't big on words of affirmation. He has a reputation to maintain, after all. His affection is better expressed through keeping hostile mobs off your back, bringing you on adventures, giving thoughtful gifts, being a massive fucking annoyance, teasing, physical touch, and setting non-lethal traps.

"aw cute wait what was that last thing" ok in his defense, this one's not entirely his fault. First of all, one of the ways the universe itself shows love is by giving you things to do and explore, challenging you, rewarding you for getting through it, and due to his unique awareness of the universe as a whole, that "love language" bleeds into his mannerisms as well. Secondly, after so long interacting with humanity in the role of the boogeyman, Herobrine kind of... doesn't know anything else. And hey, him putting in the extra effort to make sure his traps can't inflict more than a few bruises or scrapes means he likes you!

The good news is, as long as you're close with him, hostile mobs will never bother you ever again. And if they do, he'll make a show out of intimidating said mobs and getting across the point "they're with me." which some viewers may find attractive. (This will end up teaching Casey some really bad habits later in We Are The Daylight LOL)

That's convenient, because one of his greatest joys in life is savoring the awe on someone's face when confronted with the beauty of the natural world and/or the complexity of his projects; which is easier to achieve without mobs being a distraction. He's always enjoyed exploring weird formations or experimenting with contraptions, but if he enjoys your presence, getting to do that and banter with you at the same time is even better.

One can only hope you feel the same, because you're not getting a choice in the matter. He'll just show up, interrupt whatever you're doing, and goad you into/physically drag you into coming with.

This leads nicely into my next point, which is that Herobrine is really fucking annoying. He'll appear without warning to make you jump, offer unprompted commentary and ominous "advice"(?), and says shit like "dude why'd you do that?" when you make an obviously unintentional mistake. guy who teleports behind you just to say "nothing personnel kid 😎". And as the two of you get closer, this begins to include insufferable play-flirting (until the plausible deniability is no longer plausible and it's clearly just. flirting.)

However, he also quietly looks out for you in his own ways. If you offhandedly mention wanting a specific thing, or if he notices you being inconvenienced by lacking something, he'll either make it himself or keep an eye out for it until he can find one and give it to you. If you get hurt, he'll carry on about how reckless and stupid humans are, and won't let you go anywhere until he's had the chance to look at it and cast a quick healing command. When exploring, you'll often come across small signs of his presence, ranging from strangely symmetrical nooks and crannies in a cave, to lone redstone torches, to flowers that are somehow growing underground. As well as... not so small signs of his presence (i.e. corridors lined with traps).

Herobrine likes to show you jaw-dropping caves and vistas, point out constellations until you're falling asleep under the night sky, explore ancient structures and biomes you've never seen before floating by your side, teach you dances he picked up from illager and piglin culture... If he had to pick just one "love language", ultimately it'd boil down to sharing the universe with you.

For all his teasing and unusual ideas of affection, when you're actually truly upset, he does want to help (much to his own chagrin). His methods can be abrasive, as his go-to strategy is to pester you until you tell him what's bothering you (he's very "do as I say, not as I do" in this regard, I fear). But if you make it clear that talking about it right now wouldn't help, he'll switch to much gentler tactics, and attempt to distract you or just be a quiet, calming presence for once. Surprisingly, he gives really good back rubs, which is his go-to strategy to calm someone down and cheer them up a little.

Especially post-banishment, Herobrine is possibly the most touch-starved individual alive. I don't think he could ever be the first to initiate physical contact in a relationship, but once you've gotten to the point where you can playfully punch his arm or roll your eyes and push him away when he's fucking with you, he's the touchiest mfer on the planet. Constantly leaning on you to be obnoxious, ruffling your hair to say hello or good-bye, grabbing your hand to lead you places, flexing his height by resting his chin on the top of your head (he's 6'0" btw) (if you're taller than him he'll simply float to make up the difference anyway) (says he's 5'10" to make other guys panic about their height). Pulling you closer to wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your shoulder during quiet moments in the morning or at night. Melting into the touch helplessly when you cup his jaw. When in bed together, he's either the big spoon or using your chest as a pillow.

He's especially fixated on heartbeats. When laying around or leaning on each other comfortably, he'll slide his hand up your arm and idly rest his fingertips on your pulse. When his hands are near your hands or wrists for any other reason, before moving away he usually checks your pulse without thinking about it. It's almost like he needs to keep reassuring himself you're still alive. His favorite pulse point is the carotid artery because its beat feels so strong, but grabbing someone's neck isn't really something you can do casually so it's saved for special occasions (emotionally-vulnerable cuddling, after waking up from a nightmare and accidentally waking you in the process, sexual encounters, etc.)

It doesn't come up a lot because he doesn't hang out in populated public spaces a lot, but he has absolutely NO shame around PDA. Herobrine is already used to being stared at wherever he goes anyway; so let 'em stare, fuck are they gonna do about it? Confront him? Yeah, right. The majority of the time he doesn't care either way, but sometimes, if someone's really annoying him, he'll get more physically affectionate just to fuck with them.

Similarly, he wouldn't get the chance very often, but if someone else is talking to you and making you uncomfortable? I think he would fucking relish the opportunity to be all threatening and intimidating until they back off. He likes feeling helpful! (He likes being protective.)

Over time, as he gets more and more comfortable with the relationship dynamic, Herobrine doesn't mind you or outside observers referring to the two of you as the romantic partner of the other. Honestly, he might even like it :] Deep down, he's fond of the idea of you being his human.

#answering asks #answering anons #mineblr #herobrine #herobrine headcanons #herobrine x reader #<- in a manner of speaking #anon i love you so much for sending this ask ''if you don't mind sharing'' I HAVE NEVER MINDED ANYTHING LESS IN MY LIFE #sorry i express that appreciation by saying ''makes out with you sloppy style'' my vocabulary is like nuclear waste #please admire my restraint for keeping this so sfw. because i was Tempted. but i didn't wanna jumpscare anyone ('specially anon)#who wasn't looking for that #you're welcome

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sincerelyneo · 9 months ago

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i don’t know how to properly articulate my feelings at the moment so let me just rant.

when sm announced that they’d be making a new boy group (riize) i was super excited; especially since the group was set to debut shotaro and sungchan (ex members of nct) who i really liked. and when the group eventually debuted and had good music i was fully ready to tune in and support those boys.

however, when seunghan’s hiatus was announced, my feelings toward the group shifted. all the content and new music just felt off, like there was sad tension around it. for me this was weird because i consider myself ot7, and i love those other six boys a lot (don’t get me wrong), but for me, i couldn’t fully support the group on principle.

this was because every time i saw content of the group i had this gnawing feeling in my mind that would ask the question ‘in what world is it acceptable to punish and penalise a person for having a life?’ people keep pointing out that seunghan was a teenager in those pre-debut photos that were leaked (without his consent, btw), as if it changes anything. whether he was 17, 23 or 40, having romantic relationships is normal, and the fact that he’s being punished for that is just disgusting and disappointing.

i was really excited yesterday when seunghan announced his return. i even thought about officially launching a separate blog that i’ve been working on for riize, which i’d put on the back burner since i was keeping my support minimal. but now, with him withdrawing from the group, it’s honestly left me feeling sick.

i really do love those boys, but i can’t support the group in good conscience—and i feel guilty about it. i think it’s because it’s obvious those boys aren’t being protected. it makes me wonder if the fandom and company would turn their backs on another member if their privacy was similarly violated. that’s what i mean when i talk about it on a principle level.

this whole situation feels dystopian, honestly. it’s insane. and sm keeps allowing it to happen—like with karina apologizing for her relationship not long ago. it’s heartbreaking to see talent and hard work thrown away because people can’t accept that idols are real human beings with lives and emotions, not products to buy and sell.

this is so rambly, and i hope it made sense. i’m just really frustrated by the news and disappointed. and like i said, i still love all seven of those boys, but i’m struggling to fully support the group knowing that sm and these fans have ruined a man’s career without a shred of remorse or care. it’s terrifying, truly.

#riize #seunghan #literally just me rambling #rant #i’m literally so pissed off #i hate everyone #fuck sm

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l1tw1ck · 8 months ago

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got a reply on ao3 where someone was being ableist to me by using dyslexic is an insult, so I told them that was ableist and then they said "not liking your writing isn't ableist" (i never said it was) and then proceeded to use the r slur and then said "i could tell you're autistic."

so in order to fight the ableist allegation...you use more ableist rhetoric...i see 🤔

laughably ironic

rambling under the cut bc it's just ... hilarious

i wasn't gonna say anything about it on here bc it's not worth thinking about it any further than necessary but i just have to say something bc it's so funny to me.

i wish people knew how to insult me and talk about my work negatively without being ableist, racist, transphobic, etc. like, i'd rather not get any rude comments at all but if you're gonna be a dick at least be ethical about it 😭 how are you gonna READ a fic including things you DON'T like and then insult me over it?! why do people do this?!

i honestly can't be upset by this kind of thing because it's just so hard to take them seriously. people just sling slurs at me thinking it'll hurt me but it doesn't, because I know they're only doing it because they feel comfortable doing it online anonymously. if they were really about it they'd say it on their main account, but they don't.

it's hard to fully articulate my feelings and thoughts on this but man...reading their replies made me cringe

nobody has to like my writing or the type of content I create, i really don't care about that. especially because i don't even like my older work anyway (the fic in question is 2 yrs old). my writing style and skills are the way they are because I'm disabled and struggled throughout school because of it, not liking the way I write or thinking i'm not highly skilled isn't ableist. using ableist rhetoric and slurs is. i write purely for fun and i don't care if someone hates it because it's not like i'm trying to submit these to like...the new york times 😭

everyone has a right to feel disgusted or uncomfortable with my work, i'm not gonna cry about it or call them a "puriteen" (god i hate that term). but if you're gonna waste your time and energy reading my fics and then insult me about it, at least hold back on the slurs and bigoted language. insult me all you want but don't use my identity as a marginalized person to do it

oh my god i just remembered they also said i should give up on being an author bc my writing is terrible. Who the hell is reading smut fanfic and expecting shakespeare????? it's porn! porn is known for being shitty. it's the equivalent of opening up a video on pornhub and expecting an A24 level of production 😭 i'm an adult with a personal life, what do i look like emulating the skills and stylings of mark twain or jane austen for PORN? for free no less! 😭😭 ppl tend to forget that part

full respect to people who actually do write really fancy stuff for smut fics cause I don't have the energy for all that 😭 or even the skills honestly. i'm currently trying to make up for the train wreck that was high school (major depressive episode for FOUR years)

i'm ranting (i have a tendency to ramble...writer's curse) but man, i really hate how acceptable it is for people to say these kinds of things online. In the past, people would lose their jobs and scholarships for being bigoted but now you can just open up twitter on a new account/logged out and you'll see plenty of people saying horrible things (and getting PAID for it!) It's like a reverse of 2020, people were overly scared of being "canceled" and now everyone is comfortable using slurs against people. sigh.

like i said, insult me ethically!

anyways i'm gonna keep writing crappy fics ☺️ progress is slow but i'm still writing!

#wick🕯speaks

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mmkin · 11 months ago

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what a mindfuck

As a teenager, I was a huge fan of Neil Gaiman. I bought the entire Sandman graphic novel series as well as a bunch of various novels or borrowed them from other people. When MeToo started and all of these guys that we thought were wholesome were outed as sexual predators, I, like so many other Gaiman fans, were certain he'd never be one of those people.

When the news about Neil Gaiman came out, I hoped it wasn't real. I waited to say anything about it because I wanted to be sure. But after reading the various things, I am just so fucking heartbroken.

Me and my siblings and cousins watched the Cosby Show reruns when we were kids/teens so when the shit about Cosby being a rapist came out I was like FFS. Then other guys like Kevin Spacey that I admired, etc etc. But I was able to move on/deal with it/etc.

Still, I thought, not Neil Gaiman, not him. He's just too cool/nice. I thought, of all the guys out there, Gaiman would have to be at the bottom of the list. I was so fucking certain of it, so to have to accept that ugliness about a man I thought was beautiful was an especially bitter pill.

So many of his books/graphic novels were beautiful and got me through some really hard times, and there were times when i was just astounded by this brilliant line or paragraph or idea of Gaiman's and wishing I was more like him.

Definitely not the case anymore, and if someone like Neil Gaiman can be like that, then it honestly makes me wonder what sorts of ugliness lurk in people that I think are beautiful (I mean beautiful in a mental/emotional/artistic way, not physically) and it's left me shaken in my faith in people.

EDIT - I wrote the OP fresh, without any editing so I know it comes across as rambly but I just had to get it out, and I did. Now that I've had more time to think, I can articulate myself a little better.

No one is perfect. We're all flawed creatures, but a lot of men manage to not have 'assaults/coerces/disrespects women/is a creep' as one of their character flaws and I sincerely thought that Neil Gaiman would be one of those people. With other people I liked who were outed for shitty behavior, there's always a certain level of disappointment but with Gaiman it just feels more personal even though we never met one another. I sincerely, truly, honestly expected and thought better of him.

#neil gaiman #writing #neil gaiman allegations

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magiturge · 10 months ago

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i get u i get u ....... hank is paying attention just so much that he's also paying attention to the littlest things, like the ladybug. little aspects of their conversation and body language. sheriff is one for talking, and hank is one for listening.

also dusty sheriff is so cute .... like a hamster taking a sand bath . Poor Thang

it makes me want to elaborate more

in the same way that hank can handle fighting in front of him and covering his back, they apply that kind of vigilance to every other activity because it's just the way they're written to run. focused on watching tv but there's something else also happening, and while they may focus on the tv, fidget their hands and maybe not even look at sheriff the whole time, they are still listening. they don't perform cues like nodding during a pause, or holding eye contact if they don't think it's necessary ( or the conversation itself is the main focus ), or doing a grunt or 'mm' to show they're acknowledging what is said. it is indeed more of a listener than a talker since there are situations where it finds it unnecessary to talk and if talking doesn't .. enhance the situation they won't do it. they can talk if they want to but in most cases with the sheriff it won't unless it has something it wants or needs to say without being prompted. funnily the way i write them, they don't really talk to each other that much.. sheriff talks when he's more anxious or he's high strung about something but otherwise, they 'speak' in different ways. sorry i am rambling so hard....... i have a lot in the way i characterize both of them that's in my head and i don't articulate well because i feel fail about it all

#my art #my asks #madness combat #sherhank #sheriffhank #marshmallowpie #sheriff #hank j wimbleton

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snickerdoodlles · 1 year ago

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oh my god fucking ✨ yeah ✨

mental health in general is one of those things that will have me backflipping out of stories so fast, i've actually forgotten how much it irritates me. therapy in a lot of stories is just. shit. so often it's a throwaway line to justify why a character can suddenly express their feelings more explicitly in words than they did in canon (ugh) or just...throw them in a better place with none of the journey or any regression (i'm climbing walls).

i have two WIPs that explicitly deal with therapy to recover from trauma (one for Khun i've talked about a bit on here, another for Kim which uh. hahahaha), but a large part of those recovery storylines is that Khun and Kim make shit therapy patients. Khun's struggling to even admit he can heal, Kim approaches his with a battle plan because He Is Fine. they're gilb and sharp and guarded and angry, because trauma fucking sucks. it's not a linear progression, old things bubble to the surface, new things are hard to face, some days are just suddenly the pits, etc. they're not particularly nice to their therapists, but also that's the point. therapists aren't there to be your friends, they're there to help you work thru shit, and working thru shit sucks. but by dealing with their shit with their therapists, they're better set to work thru things with their loved ones and strengthen those relationships, which is the whole point.

so mental health and/or therapy fics miss the mark for me a lot when they just like...don't want to handle the journey of recovery. or the characters have to be the "good" victims who aren't too mean or difficult to heal, or therapy turns them nice because meanness can only stem from trauma, or whatever. bleh. and i think some of this happens because people see trauma as something to be erased by "healing"? i'm not sure how to better word that, but sometimes the healing journey feels more like it was approached as "how do we fix the trauma so that it no longer exists/it no longer touches you" vs "you went through something traumatic that affected you as a person, lets build a support network to minimize how it impacts you as a person in the future." i don't know if that makes sense? but it's like, the point isn't to "restore" the normal from before the trauma, a lot of times it's trying to build a system that keeps triggers from being debilitating, or give ways to cut off self-destructive behaviors, etc. i think i'm just rambling words at this point so i'm gonna shut up, but there's a very different vibe between a story that approaches trauma as something to cure vs something to grow around (*around not from).

re using Khun's mental health to rob him of his agency-- i know exactly what you mean, it was my primary complaint about a lot of Porsche-related posts and fic that came out right after ep4 and honestly the way a lot of people still handle kp's first fuck. a lot of it just...misses the narrative point of that sex scene, but beyond that like. more of the responsibility lies on Kinn's shoulders in that he sent other people away when he was too emotional to handle the situation with a clear head and he knew Porsche's decisions were in part swayed by the drugs still in his system, but Porsche was the one who pushed. Porsche was the one who chased when Kinn first pulled back. and there's a way to address the fact that Porsche was and is the one at a disadvantage in this situation that doesn't negate Porsche's agency in the choices he made or the things he wants, and a lot of that was missing because it's easier to paint things in a starker black-and-white one was wrong, the other the victim. and pulling that back to Khun-- all of Khun's choices are in some way influenced by his trauma, because his trauma scars run deep and the pervasiveness of his trauma is part of his character. but it's still only an influence on him and his decisions. sometimes big, oftentimes light. even for the big things like his extreme agoraphobia, it's still just one factor of many. trauma doesn't dictate who you are as a person or what you do, that's why you're able to heal and learn how to manage your responses to it.

☕️ on tankhun if it hasn’t been asked before or anything else in general.

ooooohhh my beloved Khun 👀 tbh not much immediately comes to mind? Khun doesn't usually get much focus in fic and while i might be hoping for some specific Khun headcanons or characterizations, it's easier to read around characterizations i disagree with for secondary character. the only hand and fast 'no' i have for Khun takes are any where Khun picks Chay over Kim, but i don't see that as much anymore. dunno if that's because it has truly died down or if i just have most of it muted, but either way i'm v grateful 😂 but everyone already knows that one, so a Khun characterization i don't much agree with:

very ""motherly"" (ie, soft) Khun

this seems to stem mostly from Khun saying he raised his brothers? ft a heavy dose of fanon characterization. but Khun having been a big part in his brothers growing up doesn't mean he'd be soft and/or necessarily a caretaker. Khun's still very sharp. i see his touches with Kinn and Kim being of the sort like, briskly yanking their clothes into order before they go out, doling out snark just as good as he gets from two moody teenagers, smacking them upside the head if they say something disrespectful, etc. Khun's still Khun. he's very impatient, intense, and brash, and he's still working through a lot of trauma that sometimes has him lashing out at others. he's not really a tender person, as much as i love tender moments with him--tenderness especially is dangerous in their life, and Khun was raised as the heir to their world first.

this is more vague vibes than anything else? it's not anything that will immediately have me backing out, esp because i love little moments where Khun can be softer with his loved ones, but Kinn is the bleeding heart of the family and i disagree with any fic that puts Khun as the heart instead.

[ send a ☕, get a bitchy* fic opinion ] *personal preference related, we’re not here to be mean

#this was hard to put to words because it's a big hearty YEAH!!!#but i also dont want to dismiss stuff where someone's using character barbies to work thru something as well #its also hard to articulate when the issue often comes down to vibes #esp because a lot of authors aim for the second but land in the first instead and that starts running into differences of opinion #and even harder to try to sum up the nuances of what i like or dislike without getting too ramble-y 😂#kinnporsche #tea asks #ty for sending this in and responding!! <3

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smosh-fessions · 6 months ago

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I find it hard to articulate exactly WHY Shayne has been considered Smosh's golden boy since he joined. And how, even now with hard-hitters and fan favorites like Angela, he is still so so persistently seen as THE cast member of Smosh.

Obviously, much like Angela he's funny as hell and they're both GREAT comedic partners for nearly everyone they're paired up with. They're both also great at iconic one-liners, and are very charismatic personalities. Both of their YEARS of experience being actors and on-camera personalities are very obvious and pay of super super well.

But I think that what makes Shayne such a persisting iconic figure in the Smosh fandom is the fact that he has SO MUCH fun. I love that he laughs at other people's jokes, and that he allows himself to LOSE IT when he finds something really funny. I love him and Angela together, cause when they're together- she seems to allow herself to react to stuff more and just laugh and find things silly instead of feeling the need to add to the joke, ykwim?? Shayne is just FUN to watch and he seems like so much fun to be around. Like, if I made a joke around him and he laughed- even though it seems easy to make him laugh- dude I'd feel so accomplished cause he makes mid jokes feel hysterical simply because it hit HIM in the right way.

like, that man has a lust for life and laughter in his heart that makes watching Smosh so much more enjoyable, and I think that's why he's such an icon. People can just sense that he's enjoying himself, and we end up enjoying things, too.

Obviously, I think Damien and Courtney are THE cast members as well and I genuinely can't imagine Smosh without them. But I think the reason "Shayne being 99% of Smosh's power" jokes are STILL relevant and STILL being made and the fact that it's bsen so persisting over the years, is because Shayne isn't just a comedic powerhouse in that he adds to bits and that he's clever, but also that he acknowledges that other people are funny, too. AND IT'S JUST FUN TO WATCH. I think Angela is getting there.

Sorry to ramble, I just really fuck w Shayne. Shayne Topp gotta be my top 5 white man of all time. Stay tuned for asks detailing why I think every other cast member except for the zionists and Keith (unfortunately 😔💔) are also incredible.

Shayne seems like the kind of guy who gets along with basically everyone unless they've done something egregiously wrong in some fashion. He can adapt to situations with ease and he's able to bounce off of everyone's humor and help them showcase what they're best at and I think part of that comes from how much he loves all these guys. He wants them to shine and he has no problem stepping back or giving them the opportunity to do so. He knows how to match individual energies very well, which helps considerably. Angela can do the same, but I think she's lacking a little confidence in her abilities sometimes.

#smosh confession #smosh confessions #smoshblr #smosh #shayne topp #angela giarratana #smosh dynamics

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xxun-punxx · 2 months ago

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i think dess is the knight, but for a reason i havent seen anyone else suggest

long post ahead! may be very rambly and kind of hard to read at times since i have difficulty articulating my thoughts. so warning ahead if you have trouble reading word salad. tldr: dess is trying to get home

so ive been watching a lot of deltarune theory videos recently. with the incoming chapter 3 and 4 release ahead i wanted to re-familiarize myself with a lot of the fandom discussion surrounding the games themes and meta-narrative. this means ive also been eating a heaping helping of knight theory videos. i was always a long-time believer in multi-knight theory, that the act of becoming a knight could be adopted by anyone. over time, i started to wonder about a couple of things about the functionality of light and dark worlds and how that could relate to the identity of the knight. ive heard some VERY interesting theories out there about who it could be, but ive always found that these theories struggle with one question--

HOW

how was the knight able to make the chapter 1 fountain without being caught by anyone in the school? how was the knight able to make the chapter 2 fountain while noelle and berdly were in the computer lab? how, how, how. i think the assumption this entire time has been that these fountains NEED to be made in the light world in order to access the dark world. what is undeniable is that a lightner is necessary in order to make one, as seen with Queen in chapter 2. as a reminder, the only reason why she sought out noelle was for her to be able to make one. i say this because i feel like there's one major aspect of the game that we all just kind of... gloss over????? and its a one-off bit that happens at the end of chapter 2 which prompts ralsei to explain the negative impact of fountain creation.

we all remember this, right? berdly almost makes another dark fountain. another dark fountain... in a dark world. he's already in the dark world. and yet he's able to almost make another dark fountain. like i said i feel like we all collectively GLOSSED over this scene way too quickly and its only now that im realizing the implications of this.

lightners are not only able to make dark fountains in the light world, but in the dark world as well.

again, this is played off as a bit, but immediately afterward ralsei literally yells at him to stop because this is DANGEROUS. like. world-ending levels of dangerous as too many dark fountains means that the titans could emerge and the roaring would occur levels of dangerous.

this doesn't imply that creating a dark fountain in a dark world would cause the roaring, rather that its the assumed consequence of too many dark fountains

however, im getting off track here. what primarily needs to be focused on is this--

Lightners are the only ones capable of creating Fountains.

Creation of a Fountain can be done in both the Light World AND the Dark World.

Fountains create bridges between the Light World AND the Dark World.

With that in mind, let me actually get to what I wanted to talk about-- I think that December Holiday is the Knight.

"but pun!!" you may be saying, "dess is missing remember????"

yes. i do remember. which is why i think she's the knight. we know that through flavor text and general world-building that something happened TO dess. its very unlikely that she died and instead went missing prior to the events of the game. we know this because of Noelle's search history results as revealed in chapter 2 with the calendar marked with December 25th (December Holiday). if she WAS dead, why would she be looking her up? moreover, Spamton Sweepstakes makes a very clear connection between Dess and the phrase "FIND HER". this implies that Dess can't be dead, but what exactly happened to her? while there isn't a lot of concrete proof as to what happened to Dess, what we do know is that this is an event which haunts the narrative of deltarune. so many of the characters, particularly between the dreemurs and the holidays, were forever changed by her disappearance.

One very popular theory surrounding Dess' disappearance has to do with the Bunker. as we all know, the weird ambient noise that plays when you're near the bunker is a slowed down version of the garbage noise related to Gaster. this theory is supported by elements such as the goner code, a string of unused text which displays the dialogue of an unseen character.

There's a reason why this is so damning. the mentions of this person being somewhere that is "dark" and "quiet" has led many people to assume that Dess is in some kind of Gaster-y dimension similar to a Dark World. i'd say that this is furthered by some similar dialogue spoken by Spamton during one of his interaction options in his shop when selecting "FEAR".

"But it sounded like they were talking to you"? I don't think its a coincidence that this might be a continuation of that goner code possibly leaking into the game. plus, its not unfounded to think that Spamton would KNOW about Dess considering that the page with the guitar was found on the Spamton Sweepstakes website (and i swear another thing about not being able to "find her data" in reference to someone asking him where dess was but i cant find this for the life of me).

so like. where am i taking all of this connection between the goner code and gaster and dess? and how does this relate to her being the knight? dw gang this is when everything starts to come together.

Most of this theory relies on the idea of the "Dess wandered into the Gaster zone from the Bunker" consensus that i mentioned earlier. moreover, im also applying the theorized idea of the Depths, a place in which all darkness originates from. (the idea for that comes from here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZvsFCYuL2w)

Let's say that she DID go missing in such a way that she would end up in the Depths or some place Gaster-adjacent. as much as everyone back up in Light World is looking for her, i don't think its impossible to assume that Dess is trying to find her own way back. you would too if you inexplicably went missing, right? plus, Dess doesn't seem like the type of character who would wait for someone to find her or even fall under the "damsel in distress" trope, not with how Noelle and everyone else talks about her being so protective of Noelle. she seems very self-assured and capable, which means that not even she would just sit around waiting for someone to save her.

What if Dess is opening Fountains from the Depths/a Dark World/somewhere in order to find her way home?

As stated earlier, it is 100% possible to make a Fountain while IN the Dark World itself. while we don't know what the implications of this is, and as stupid as it sounds, could it be possible to make a Dark-Dark World? A connection to a world that is perhaps... dark, darker, yet darker? to create a Fountain is to create a connection between the Light World AND the Dark World. what if, by making a Fountain in a Dark World, you make a connection between both worlds AND the Depths/a Dark-Dark World/wherever Gaster is/wherever Dess is? it would help to explain a lot of the issues of "How" that i mentioned way earlier surrounding Deltarune theories. the Fountain in chapter 1 was made by her. the Fountain in the computer lab was also made by her, which explains how a Fountain was able to appear at all despite Berdly and Noelle being in there. so many people are working with this idea that Fountain creation is purely exclusive to the Light World and, as such, the Knight has to be someone in Hometown.

obviously, knowing what Kris does at the end of chapter 2, the is an inherent implication of there being multiple knights. however, i think the rest of the game's Fountains will be a direct consequence of Berdly's actions at the end of chapter 2.

Dess is making Fountains in order to find a way home. Berdly learns how to make Fountains and, by extension, everyone else who was there for it. It's how Kris learns how to make Fountains, which inevitably means that someone else from the main cast will TRY to make a Fountain as well. or, even more concerning, try to do what Berdly couldn't-- make a Fountain while IN a Dark World. at some point, someone from the main cast will try and use the Fountains as a way to find Dess.

that likely being Noelle.

but i feel thats enough speculation. i would be interested to see if this is an idea that other people have had. ik this is kinda a bad time to be making deltarune theories considering that chap 3 and 4 come out in like a couple of weeks but its better to get all my thoughts out NOW rather than later. ofc, i also want to acknowledge that this theory probably has a lot of holes in it and doesn't explain things such as the shit Seam says about the Knight. i didnt really think of the little details, mostly just the conclusion of all this.

let me know what you all think! sory for any misspellings that may be present

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cruel-hiraeth · 6 months ago

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i know this is heinously belated (i.e. too on brand for me), but i finally sat down and read everyone’s notes on my christmas tree.

i’m tearing up right now because i feel undeserving of everyone’s love and well wishes. this year has been incredibly hard for me, and i know i haven’t kept it much of a secret between moving blogs, countless emotional posts, and random hiatuses. but, in spite of it all, each one of you has stuck beside me. i truly can’t articulate how much your mere presence means to me. i feel adored beyond compare; i feel warm; i feel at home. and i will never be able to thank you enough for seeing me and my flaws, and loving me all the same.

moving into the new year, i have many resolutions and goals. one of them is to be more present for all of you. i want to return the kindness you have shared with me, because—and i mean this from the bottom of my heart—you have changed my life for the better. as difficult as it can be to exist peacefully on tumblr, i have met so many incredible people, and i have had creative sparks that i never thought possible. i can’t imagine my life without each of you.

all of this rambling is to say that i love you—yes, you—very much! and i’m looking forward to a wonderful 2025 with you in it ❤️

#i’m feeling soooo sopping wet :’-) reading sweet message after sweet message was hard for me #i have a hard time accepting compliments #so it took me a bit to work my way through #but i am so unbelievably thankful for each of you and our little community #2025 is our year! i can feel it!!!!!!#— idle chatter #— announcements

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rwbyrg · 11 months ago

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How do you stay positive seeing all the negativity we get for shipping this?

I don't typically talk about discourse, but I know this is something pretty much every RG shipper has faced at some point. So I'll make an exception this once. For anyone that doesn't want to hear about it, I strongly encourage you to keep scrolling.

I'm gonna keep it brief(ish) and vague, but content warning for topics of mental health, abuse, general fandom toxicity and ship discourse.

The short answer is that I've had to completely remove myself from large fandom spaces. I left Twitter last fall, I'm not in any big Discords, and I never check the fandom Reddits. I block bullies, bystanders, and bad faith arguers liberally. I mute words and phrases I don't wish to see, I don't engage with the bad faith takes, and I don't go looking in tags much either.

I surround myself with a small group of friends that I enjoy spending time with and can trust. So I still have outlets to be able to geek out without risk of dealing with the wider community's negativity. This blog was also created as a safe outlet to ramble, join together, or spread positivity about the ship. I know how rough it is for us out there - in the RWBY fandom as a whole, as well as within our own RG shipping spaces. So since I can't be an impartial community leader that helps run events or bigger spaces for us like I used to, this is kind of all I have left to offer.

The slightly longer addition that got way out of hand:

I'm not going to say it's not lonely. That I don't miss being part of a more active, wider group of people that we should have every right to join. But despite how hard some of us tried, there was nothing we could do to change the toxicity that is so deeply rooted at the core of this fandom. The fact that I even tried as hard as I did was 1. a trauma response and 2. just ended up with me - and too many of my friends - getting hurt anyway. I can't regret it because it's how I made the friends that are so dear to me now. But none of us should have had to deal with the cyberbullying, harassment, dog-piling, backstabbing, suibaiting, or any of that other garbage to find the group we have today.

It's extremely fucked up. There's no way to sugar coat it. All of it is abuse and is genuinely traumatizing to many people. I am not using these as buzzwords either. Myself and a handful of my rg shipping friends have literally gone to therapy to help us heal from all the things we've experienced in this fandom. So I have it on the authority of multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers that what I am saying here is true.

Rosegarden and its shippers have become the scapegoat of a toxic community. There are big name fans who've staked their entire platforms on the idea of a rival ship being canon. And so, when they see any of us suggesting a Very Likely alternative to their reality (even if we're minding our own business), they become violent and go out of their way to try and defend it. There are entire servers and friend groups built on bullying this ship and its shippers for similar reasons. Anyone that argues against them, no matter how valid their stance, or how articulately its delivered, is going to become a target. Because we are seen as a threat to a system they directly benefit from. If any of them were to acknowledge how unreasonable or ridiculous all of this is, what would that mean for the circumstances and relationships they've built for themselves? It would all fall apart, wouldn't it?

This is why we also see fellow RG shippers invalidating or blaming us for what we go through. Because some of them have become convinced that if they side with the bullies and paint themselves as "not like those shippers", then they'll be "safe". Which as we all know isn't true. Because the antis attack each other for the smallest offences that don't have anything to do with us anyway.

The RWBY fandom is not alone in struggling with this. Fandoms everywhere are seeing these same patterns play out in different ways. A lot of people without as many stakes in the arguments will often scoff or dismiss it on the basis of it being "so serious, when it's just about fictional characters". And to that, I say: bullshit.

First of all, the people on the other side of the screen dealing with all of this are Real People with Real Feelings and their own lives that are already hard enough as it it. And these sorts of environments, as previously mentioned, can and do cause severe harm. Second, none of this hate has anything to do with fictional characters. That is part of the reason why I am still able to enjoy this ship and this show despite everything I've been through here. Because the fictional characters are simply the means to an end. And while that end is different for everyone, for the bullies - by and large - it offers them power in the face of their insecurities.

The only reason this space is as toxic as it is, is because the loudest voices are often the most emotionally immature. All the reasonable people see the infighting going on and know that engaging with it is a pointless waste of energy. As someone that did try to fight it, I truly don't blame any of them for staying uninvolved. But power comes in numbers; so until a large enough group of the reasonable ones come forward, this fandom will only continue on the course it's headed.

I rambled a lot and I'm not even sure how much of this is relevant to your question. If i were to give a tl;dr to answer you, it is this:

You need to curate your own experience by setting boundaries for yourself that cannot easily be crossed by people or content that is going to upset you.

Recognizing the reason people behave the way they do towards all of this has very little, if anything, to do with the show, the ship itself, or the people shipping it is very liberating.

Don't be like how I was. Don't try and force it when it isn't working. If you are in an environment or a habit that you are getting more harm than joy from: leave. It doesn't always feel like it in the moment, but it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who suck. And when you shed the ones that don't treat you well, you open yourself up to more like-minded people that will want to be friends with you anyway.

I say this genuinely with only love and support in my heart, but: touch grass. As often as you can, as often as you need to: get offline. Read a book, engage in other hobbies, connect with people in real life, go for a walk or just get outside if you can. When you start connecting with the reality on your side of the screen more, it puts how pointless and absurd so much of this discourse really is into perspective. Moderation is key.

I'm sorry that all of the negativity has got you down. No one wants to acknowledge how much this sort of thing can affect our well being, but I know first hand how bad it can get. None of it is fair. The feelings you're having are valid and aren't anything to be ashamed about. If you have friends or family you can rely on for support, reach out to them when you need it. If you're in a place where you think the help you need is a bit more specialized, you have my support and encouragement in making the call or doing the research to get started. Therapy isn't accessible and doesn't always work for everyone, but it's not the only option. Before I could afford it, I micro-dosed by reading self-help books and following therapists on Instagram, lol.

I'm not sure what else I can say, and have said more than I meant to anyway. But hang in there, you're not alone, and take care of yourself, okay?💕🫂

#ask #asks #discourse

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