#but it's also baffling and frustrating that she wanted this in the first place

[eelclaw]

stupid fucking bastard. i am not coping with the leaks

[carlsangel]

YOU’RE WHINING

carl grimes x reader

(carls whining gets irritating.)

tags: oral sex (m!receiving), needy carl :P

masterlist here!

Carl was never really one to pry for things. He really did love taking care of you whenever he had the chance, he enjoyed the traditional ways of handling your relationship. He would love to hold doors open for you, let you enter places first (unless dangerous), cooking for you, or even when it came to your intimate relationship.

Most of the time, he did what he could to pleasure you. Whatever position allowed you to feel best, he did it for you. He also made sure you finished first every time. Not to mention he loves going down on you, not just because it pleasured you but he just absolutely adores it. Anyway, the first time you’d done something for him, he realized how nice it was to be to one receiving the head.

You didn’t realize how needy he could get before then. That man is vocal. The first time he let you give him head was when you guys were insanely bored while no one was home.

It’s a good thing no one was home as he practically couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Anyway since then he’s been begging for it again. Unfortunately there was never really a right time. You were always on runs and even then you were always having some sort of trouble whether it was walkers, issues with the car, even people. It all got worse when you were assigned on different jobs for a week. Aaron had found a new horse and you were put the task of breaking it. Meanwhile, Carl had perimeter watch.

After a long and frustrating day with the new horse, you pull her into a newly built stable to brush her down n such. Despite your struggles in breaking her, she was beautiful, you had to admit. You were just about done before you heard footsteps approaching, so you turn around to be greeted by the sight of Carl. He said he’d come meet you after his shift.

“Hey.” You smile and he almost swoons completely. He greets you back with a small hello and a kiss on the cheek before giving his attention to the horse in front of you. He stroked her for a moment before looking back at you, admiring how you looked. He wanted you to suck him off so bad, he was practically yearning for it. He felt this feeling in his throat, almost like a moan, but not. You look back over to him and look at him sort of oddly, wondering what the expression on his face was about.

“You okay?” You ask, sort of setting him off. Then he lets out a noise, one that sort of baffles you before he started rambling. “Please, I really need it can you-” His breath is heavy and he pulls his hat off to cover his crotch where you can assume there’s a tent in his jeans. Your eyes widen and you’re not quite sure how to respond. “Jesus, Carl you’re whining.” You state, completely taken aback by his demeanor.

“I know m’really sorry but I…I really need you to go down on me I’m begging here.” He takes a step closer to you and takes your hand in his, holding it real tight because he is, in fact, begging. “Just behind the stable, no one will see.” He pleads.

Well…how can you say no to that?

Soon after, you’re kneeling down in front of him in the grass between the large steel wall (of Alexandria) and the wood of the stables. He was right, no one would see you there but they could definitely hear you so you warn him. “You’re gonna need to be quiet.” You start to work on getting his belt off and he nods, his breath getting heavier the longer he sees you on your knees in front of him.

As you work on his belt, you decide to tease him a little because, why not? So you press kisses to his (very hard by the way) dick through his jeans, causing him to moan already. You haven’t even gotten to the real thing. “I told you baby you gotta be quiet.” You smile up at him and he looks down at you so frustrated. Frustrated because you’re teasing him and you know how long he’s been wanting this. Except, that only makes it hotter for him.

You finally get his belt unbuckled and you unbutton his jeans. You tug them down, along with his underwear, just to see how needy he really was. He was rock hard, he couldn’t help it with the way you looked when he walked into the stable, your hair a mess, tired eyes and sweaty. It got him really, really aroused. You take a hold of his length which draws a sharp hiss from his mouth.

Just looking up at him like the way you were prompted him to leak a little which you very clearly took notice considering you took that as a go ahead to take him in your mouth. “Oh god-” His arms were practically nailed to the wood behind him and you continued to take him, sliding his cock in and out of your mouth repeatedly, your saliva building up and following each movement of your mouth. Your other hand goes to the base of his cock and it sort of lingers there, your fingers gently massaging. It was taking everything in him to not rut his hips into your mouth.

“I can’t..” His hands now go to your hair where he gently tries to steady himself but he seriously can’t take it. The wet noises coming from your mouth as you still won’t stop. “Please baby I’m close.” He moans, prompting you to pull back a moment, pulling a whine from him as well. You still slowly twist your hand around his dick while you look up at him, admiring him and how gorgeous he looks. His bottom lip is red from biting it so hard trying to keep quiet, but his mouth is agape and he’s breathing so hard. Meanwhile his eyes are half lidded and he just looks so fucked out.

“Is this what you wanted?” You giggle and swirl your tongue around his tip, prodding your tongue into the slit of it. All the air leaves his body and eyes roll into the back of his head. He moans so fucking loud, your eyes widen at his volume. “If you don’t close your mouth I will stop.” You laugh and he nods, taking in a deep breath to get ready for you to start again.

“Good?” He looks down and nods yes. “Yeah, good.” So you start again, moving your hand with your mouth too, spreading the saliva down to cover him with it completely. You go back to bobbing your head at a steady pace, feeling his cock twitch in your mouth. Carl resorted to just letting out soft groans, quiet enough for just the two of you to hear.

Soon enough, he was close again and this time you wouldn’t stop. You’d move quicker, taking more and more of him into your throat while he pushed your hair back out of your face. “M’gonna cum please don’t stop-” He speaks breathlessly and you comply, not stopping until he grips the back of your head still against him while the warm liquid spills down your throat. Once every drop is out of him, he lets go of your head and you pull away, doing everything you can to make it look somewhat attractive. A string of saliva follows your mouth from his dick.

You wipe your mouth with your sleeve and he gets himself back situated in his jeans. All he wants to do at this point is love on you. You treated him so well. He pulls you into a hug, leaning back against the stable wall while he kisses you all over your face.

“That good?”

“No that was incredible.”

a/n: so let’s talk about this LMFAOOOO LISTEN!!! i got this request and started writing it right after T-T and then finished it an hour after it was requested. where did that motivation come from? no idea. but also this made me realize i have never posted a fic where the reader gives him a blow job so…that might be why?

anyway this was very impromptu, match ups done soon blah blah ghost in the woods blah blah

tag list: @zomb-1-egutzz @lunarnightt @ilikestrawberriesandwomen @hiro--aoki @h00d-tr4sh @callsignwidow

[pandapetals]

The Wedding

You and Logan get married!

professor logan howlett x professor fem!reader - married couple, cute, fluff, teasing, no y/n used, no reader description, your an english professor, logan is a history professor - imagine days of future past logan with the white streaks in his hair

also thank you to @coocoocachewgotscrewed for the idea of logan keeping the pen reader gave him and using it to write his vows.

read on ao3 or find more parts for the series: here

divider credit: @enchanthings

"It'll be a small wedding," Logan grumbled, scratching the back of his neck with that familiar, slightly awkward air he got whenever something made him uncomfortable. He stood in the middle of the living room, looking like a bear that had wandered into a tea party, completely out of place.

You raised an eyebrow, glancing up from the pile of bridal magazines scattered across the coffee table. "Small? Logan, there's at least a hundred people living at the mansion alone," you said, your voice somewhere between amused and exasperated. "It’s not exactly going to be 'small' with that kind of guest list."

Across from you, Jean nodded, sitting cross-legged on the couch with a wedding planning book perched in her lap. "My wedding had three hundred guests, remember Logan?" she chimed in helpfully, flipping through a page on flower arrangements.

"Our wedding," Scott corrected from the armchair beside her, not even looking up from the paper he was reading.

Logan groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Exactly why we should skip all this crap and just get hitched already," he muttered, his voice low and gruff.

You shot him a playful look, shaking your head. "What happened to 'you can do whatever you want, darlin'?" you asked, mimicking his gravelly voice with a teasing smile.

Logan’s mouth twitched, almost into a smile, but then his eyes flicked back to the growing mountain of wedding plans, suggestions from friends, and magazines full of over-the-top ideas. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he stood just a little too rigid like he was bracing for an attack.

Truth be told, you were feeling the weight of it too.

At first, you had been excited—three months of engagement bliss, giddy over every little detail. The idea of a big, beautiful wedding had seemed like a dream. But now? Now it felt overwhelming. Everyone had an opinion, from the color scheme to the type of cake to the seating arrangements. You loved your friends, but the constant suggestions had turned into something else, something bigger than you and Logan. It had started to feel like the wedding wasn’t really yours anymore.

Jean leaned in, holding up a sample invitation. "Oh, and I was thinking," she began, clearly not picking up on Logan’s discomfort. "You could have this gorgeous ice-blue theme with silver accents—it would match the winter season perfectly."

Logan shot you a look—one of those looks that said I’m two seconds away from walking out of here. You couldn’t blame him. The more Jean talked, the more you realized something had shifted inside you. Somewhere along the way, you’d gotten caught up in making the perfect day, and forgotten what this wedding was really about: you and Logan.

Not the flowers. Not the guest list. You two.

Logan cleared his throat, trying once more to gently steer the conversation. "Listen, all this sounds real nice," he said, his voice tight with barely restrained frustration, "but what if we just kept it simple? Y’know, courthouse, couple of rings, call it a day."

Jean blinked, clearly baffled. "A courthouse? Logan, this is your wedding! It’s supposed to be a special day, something beautiful."

You opened your mouth to agree with Jean, to defend the idea of having a "proper" wedding. But then, you looked at Logan again. His eyes—those deep, hazel eyes—were watching you closely like he was waiting for you to decide. Not just about the wedding, but about what you wanted, deep down.

Suddenly, it clicked. You realized that Logan was right. You didn’t need a grand affair. You didn’t need three hundred guests or ice-blue color scheme or a designer dress. You didn’t need all the noise and spectacle. What you needed—what you wanted —was something that felt like the two of you. Something real. Something simple.

You smiled softly, the decision made. "You know what?" you said, standing up from the couch and tossing the magazines aside. "I think Logan’s right."

Jean’s eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

Scott finally looked up from his paper, equally surprised.

Logan raised an eyebrow, his usual gruff skepticism tinged with curiosity. "Really?"

You nodded, crossing the room to stand in front of him, resting your hand on his arm. "Yeah," you said, your voice quieter now, more certain. "I don’t need the big wedding. I don’t need all the fuss. All I need is you. " You smiled up at him, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders as the words came out. "Let’s just get married. Just us."

For the first time in days, you saw Logan’s shoulders relax. He let out a low breath, his lips twitching into that half-smile that always made your heart skip a beat. "You sure?"

"Absolutely," you said, your hand slipping down to intertwine with his. "Let’s get hitched."

A week later, you found yourself standing outside the courthouse, the sun just beginning to set in the late afternoon sky, casting a warm glow over everything. It was quiet, just the way you wanted it. No crowd, no elaborate decorations, and no endless chatter. Just you and Logan, and the soft hum of the world around you.

You looked down at the simple dress you’d chosen—nothing fancy, just something that made you feel good, made you feel like you. Logan, dressed in his usual button-up, looked handsome in that effortlessly rugged way only he could pull off. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top, a teasing glimpse of his chest visible, and his hair styled in those little tufts as always, the white streaks more visible. 

"Ready?" you asked, your heart fluttering in anticipation.

Logan’s eyes met yours, steady and calm. "More than ready."

As you both stepped inside, the courthouse was quiet. There was no fanfare, no grand entrance—just the two of you, walking hand in hand, a quiet sense of peace settling over the moment.

The ceremony itself was simple, just like you’d wanted until Logan surprised you. He cleared his throat, looking a little awkward as he reached into his jacket pocket.

"I, uh... I’ve got somethin’ for you," he muttered, his voice rough but filled with something soft underneath. From his pocket, he pulled out a pen. Not just any pen.

Your breath caught in your throat. It was your pen—the one you’d given him two years ago when he had started his first-day teaching history at Xavier’s. A "good luck" charm, you had called it, but it had become something meaningful to Logan.

You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes as Logan handed it to you with a small smile. From the same pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of paper, slightly crumpled, like it had been carried around for a while.

"I wrote somethin'," he said, his voice low as he unfolded the paper, his eyes flicking nervously to yours. "Figured you deserved more than just... y’know, me wingin’ it."

He cleared his throat, glancing down at the paper. Then, with that same rough tenderness that was so purely Logan, he began to read.

"I ain’t great with words, darlin'," he started, his voice softening. "But I figure you already know that. So, I’ll keep it simple. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I ain’t perfect... never will be. I swear to you, I’ll spend the rest of my life doin’ whatever it takes to make you happy, keepin’ you safe, and showin’ you that you’re loved. 'Cause you are, more than I ever thought I’d love someone."

By the time he finished, your vision was blurred with unshed tears. You didn’t need any more words. You didn’t need anything grand or fancy. In that quiet courthouse, with Logan standing before you, holding the pen you had given him long ago, you had everything you could ever want.

"Logan," you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion, "I love you. I never thought I could be this happy, but every day with you... you show me something new. You make everything better."

He smiled then, a real, full smile that softened the lines of his face and reached his eyes—a rare sight, but one you cherished every time. He stepped closer, his hand warm and rough as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch grounding you in the moment.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice a low, steady rumble that sent warmth spreading through you, just like the way his presence always did.

You held each other's gaze as the quiet world around you seemed to fade, leaving just the two of you standing there. Together, you exchanged rings—simple gold bands that glinted in the soft light, but they felt like so much more.

Logan leaned in, his lips brushed yours, sealing the vows with a soft kiss. It was as steady and certain as the love you had found with him. It was simply perfect.

[sepublic]

Boscha basically disappearing for a season only to suddenly be relevant again in S3 while demanding attention is hilarious, it’s exactly how it felt from the perspective of Amity and the others because like. She was a S1 antagonist but those were lighthearted, low-stakes times so Boscha fell into obscurity as a nuisance.

(Note: Amity doesn’t start gripping her hem in discomfort until Boscha grabs her hand in marriage/divorce)

So the viewer shares the same feeling as the protagonists about Boscha just coming back out of nowhere with all this baggage that from her unseen side of the story must’ve felt like a natural progression amidst S2. But to Amity it just feels so awkwardly out of nowhere, out of place, even if it does matter within the themes and all that. Just this uncomfortable question of What the heck did I just miss and Why now. And these apply to Kikimora and the Collector’s absurd role playing and Luz’s own baffled reaction to that.

(Amity really having to go through it twice)

It’s hilarious. They just want to get this frustrating side quest over with but dealing with frustration is also kinda the point for Luz and Hunter’s arcs this episode, which ties into Camila and Willow’s respectively; While Amity caps her overall arc off by knowing what to say to Boscha and establishing who’s really in control with boundaries here. She’s clearly well past all this petty S1 drama and obligations, and she demonstrates that development perfectly in this scene. Likewise, it’s a callback and pay off to Eclipse Lake; Once again Amity is reaching out to someone she can relate to, in the same position she was in, to get them out and create a new cycle. And this time she succeeds!

And look at her leading Hexside like she’s the popular girl again, but in a way that fits her!!!

Revisiting Hexside is like a victory lap for character development, like revisiting the first level… Look how far they’ve come in how they respond to old problems so much better now! It’s like a high school reunion, except they’re technically still in high school for like four more years to go but whatever. This was a nostalgic final return to the lighthearted humor of S1 and the ‘ol Hexside subplots… I’ll miss ‘em and have been!

[mncxbe]

OMG OMG, what about, Bsd characters(pls include jouno, I'm starved of content from him) with a drunk s/o, that is all like "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, don't touch me(or sth else, but u get the gist-)" ALSO if you don't want to do this, don't. <<<:

Ok I love the idea. I tried to make it as silly as possible hope you like it♡♡

Note: I have some Ango content for tomorrow👀

°☆○

Strawberry Daiquiri

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐, 𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: silly/ fluff♡

𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐

starting off with our blind king; let's assume that you're so drunk you don't recognize him

he's amused by your act at first, but the longer you keep it up the more frustrated he gets

he does find it cute that you're so loyal to him tho; also worried that you're so drunk

surely teases you about it the next day

Although he may not seem like it, Jouno was a supportive boyfriend; your unyielding determination was his favourite quality. He didn't see any problem with it until one day you decided to beat Fukuchi in a drinking competition.

"I'm telling you Sai. I got this" you said as you walked into the captain's office with a handful of bottles of sake.

Your boyfriend only rolled his eyes and went back to his business. He returned three hours later when he finally managed to finish the last of his reports. Knocking at the mahogany door he gently pushed it open, stepping inside the room.

"Captain" he saluted with a small bow and Fukuchi waved at him, utterly unaware that the man couldn't see it.

Just then, your voice echoed through the room; a high pitched groan.

"Naah captain I'm sure I'll beat you. Pour more for me." Your words were slurred and Jouno could sense your hightened body temperature, a sign of clear intoxication.

Fukuchi chuckled, filling your cup again.

"You think you can take it? You look quite plastered to me"

"I'm not done 'till you are."

A smile rose to Jouno's lips as he caught the hint of resolve in your voice, but he knew by your fast heartbeat that you should probably stop drinking soon. He walked to your side, gently seizing your forearm.

"Let's go home Y/N. I think you've had enough to drink tonight"

"Huh? Fuck off dude I have a boyfriend." you said nonchalantly, yanking your arm away.

For a brief moment Jouno was baffled, hand frozen in mid air as he watched you down another glass; but then he snapped back to reality.

"Hey Y/N look at me." he said playfully, seizing your chin to make you look up to him. "It's me, Sai"

"Sai..." you contemplated, his name rolling off your lips in a low hum "Ah Sai"

From across the table Fukuchi let out a low chuckle. "Take her home, Jouno. She's drunk"

"No I'm not. I ain't stopping 'till I get you... uh..-till you give up" you mumbled, causing Jouno to sigh.

"We're out of alcohol Y/N" added Fukuchi, dangling the last empty bottle before your eyes.

"Please dear let's go home" Jouno cooed, his fingers gently intertwining with yours and you eventually got up, holding on to the back of your chair for support.

"I consider this this a draw, captain" you said sluggishly and Fukuchi nodded.

"Goodnight to you two"

With that, Jouno snaked an arm around your waist and walked with you out of the office, down the halls of the Hunting Dogs's headquarters and on to the crowded street. He raised a hand to hail a cab and as soon as the yellow vehicle pulled over, your boyfriend opened the backseat door and placed you inside; then joined you in the backseat.

Jouno gave the driver your address and the car drove off towards your apartment.

"Are you feeling ok darling?" he asked in a concerned voice and you nodded, scooting closer to him.

"Yea I am..." After a moment of silence you added in the same slurred, giddy tone. "Say, are you really my boyfriend? You're handsome."

Jouno blushed furiously at your words, his lips curling into a sly smile. "You bet I am pretty girl."

The lights of the city came and went in blurry waves, causing your head to ache. You leaned your head on the crook of Jouno's neck, shielding your vision. He only chuckled, placing one of his hands on top of your head.

"Go sleep darling. I'll wake you up at home"

You mumbled a mhm before closing your eyes and, drunk on love and sake, drifted into a deep slumber.

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

such a tease; will make fun of you about it tomorrow if you don't recognize him

he's a smooth operator

he's all like: "Aww sure my sweet lady. How about you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then?" and just sits there listening to you praise him

probably carries you home and puts you to bed after

It was Yosano's birthday and she decided to take the Agency members out for a drink at a local pub. The place was cozy, dimly lit; low, wooden tables lining the sides of the room. Peach Pit's "Alrighty Aphrodite" sounded through the speakers in the corner of the room.

Not only three hours in you were plastered, body hunched over as you rested your arms on your table. Seeing your state, Dazai made his way to your side and took a seat next to you.

"Everything alright bella?" he hummed cheerfully, causing you to moan.

"Ah shut up. My head hurts." you whined, holding your head between the palms of your hand. "And just so you know I already have someone so... [you hiccup] just let me be."

"Oh I see" Dazai chuckled, placing his drink on the table. "Why don't you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then."

Only then you raised your head, eyes half lidded as a tender smile rose to your lips. "My 'samu is such a darling. So handsome and smart. He gives the best hugs you know?"

You casually wrapped your arms around your own body, demonstrating your words. "Just like this. And he's so handsome and... he's caring. I love him lots ya know?" you went on.

Dazai chuckled upon hearing your words. "Is that so?"

"Yea. And- Hold on mind if I just?" you asked, leaning your aching head on his shoulder "Mm this is better. Anyway, 'samu's the one for me. I just know it. Did you ever feel this way about someone?"

"I did. I do, in fact." he replied, taking in your sleepy features: your cheeks were flushed, nostrils slightly flaring as you steadily breathed in and out, lashes fluttering shut.

"That's nice then" was all you said before dozzing off on his shoulder.

Your boyfriend smiled again and placed a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

"I love you too, bella" he said in a hushed voice before downing the rest of his drink, the golden liquid warming up his insides just like you did with his heart and soul. [so cheesy of me nah]

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

poor baby is so confused at first

he frowns so much

if you do end up recognizing him and get all giddy and affectionate he's gonna blush so much omg

probably asks you not to get drunk again cuz he's lowkey scared you'll get brain damage

"Piss off. I have a boyfriend" you said with a blank expression as you brushed his hand away from your shoulder, swaying your hips towards the bar.

Akutagawa was left speechless, utterly confounded by your sudden actions. 'What the...' he thought, walking right after you. The roaring music in the bar made it impossible for you to hear him calling out your name.

"Hey Y/N. Cut it out will you" he hissed, seizing your wrist.

"Let go of me" you pleaded, trying to free yourself but ended up stumbling backwards. If it weren't for Rashōmon you would've fallen flat on the hard floor of the bar; the black tendrils wrapped around your waist, bringing you back to your feet.

After you managed to regain your composure your glassy eyes met his, gazes locked in a drunk daze. Then a sign of recognition flashed in your eyes and your lips curled into a soft smile.

"Aww Ryuu baby" you giggled, arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm quite drunk baby"

"I can see that..." he stammered, trying to hide the rosy blush that bloomed on his cheeks upon hearing your endearment. "Want me to take you home?"

"Yea I'd like that sweetie" you continued in the same slurred voice. You pulled away from him a bit but your faces were still mere inches apart, a giddy smirk on your lips; fingers toying with the tufts of his hair.

Just when Akutagawa was about to walk towards the exit your lips found his and you pulled your body flush against his. The kiss was sloppy and warm, the taste of alcohol on your sugary lips causing your boyfriend to moan lightly. His hands came to rest on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

After a few moments he gently pushed you away. His face was red as a tomato.

"Come on Y/N. Let's go home"

"But I wanna kiss you mooore" you pouted and attempted to kiss him again but he leaned slightly back, chuckling.

"How about you kiss me at home? I'll let you kiss me all you want." he said awkwardly but it wad enough for you to take a step back.

You grabbed his wrist and marched through boisterous crown and towards the back exit of the bar where you car was parked.

"We better hurry then" you added playfully, voice muffled by the sounds around you.

[luthien-under-bough]

my meandering thoughts after ep7:

i think a lot of people are overlooking the importance of daemon's scenes in episode 7 in focusing so much on oscar tully. like ok sure it is objectively funny to see daemon be read for filth by a teenager, but this is not some meta punishment doled out by the writers because they hate his character - or even oscar "gagging" daemon. this is daemon directly responding to rhaenyra's accusation during their ep2 argument: "I think you used my words as an excuse to take your own revenge… to indulge the darkness you keep sheathed within you like a blade." Oscar's own words to willem blackwood call back to this: "it is true that he made clear his base desires, but you did not have to pursue such savagery. You did it… because you wanted to."

like yes, daemon is being humbled, but he is also specifically acting contrary to his own desires, and choosing to do what is necessary in service to rhaenyra's claim. it's obvious in the look he shares with ser simon, and in his shifting expression from anger to acceptance as he realizes he must do this to earn the crucial support of the riverlords. i do not think the daemon of episode 2/3 would have responded this way. he would have given into that impulse that's telling him to smack oscar around and burn the lot of them. he is putting aside what he would do, in favor of what rhaenyra needs him to do.

And the look on his face afterwards is full of horror - for the first time we really see him haunted by his own act of violence, when we've typically seem him remorseless or flippant (rhea royce, vaemond velaryon, the unnamed body they used for laenor's "death") if it advances his aims. this contrasts with rhaenyra in this same episode, where we see her really indulging in violence for the first time - she sacrifices the dragonseeds in pursuit of finding new dragonriders, which is also a repudiation of her and daemon's earlier argument, where he accused her of being too weak to spill blood to achieve greatness.

(literally everything they do ties back to one another, their influence on one another, and which parts of each other and viserys they choose to internalize and express - two halves of a whole, indeed - so it baffles me that most daemyras are unsatisfied with this storyline just because they aren't physically together, but that's a story for another post)

daemon's scene in the Harrenhal godswood leads directly into the vision with viserys, where he is confronted with the question of whether or not he still wants the crown (really, if he ever actually wanted it - or was it just a symbol of his brother's love, of recognition, of the ultimate tool to achieve power and respect in this world). he's just had to make a choice and take an action that conflicts with his own worldview, of what strength and loyalty means, of the acceptability to the ends justifying the means, of the ramifications of the collateral damage that such choices have - which is all tied into the true weight of bearing the crown. is he really cut out for this? i think it's clear the answer will be 'no' - and it will reaffirm his support for rhaenyra, at the same time her own journey has brought her to a place where she has found a way to wield her power and authority in a way that can be respected (and feared) and is independent of her reliance on daemon's martial prowess and masculinity.

if there's still any doubt that daemon's visions all have purpose and are moving him forward, i really don't know what to tell you. it's frustrating to see his arc reduced to "daemon is doing nothing all season" because most of it has been internal. both daemon and rhaenyra have grown from the accusations levied at one another in their argument, and i think are positioned well for a reunion that allows them to "finish their conversation" from a place where they are both more able to function within the parameters of their strange and unique relationship as sovereign/consort, husband/wife. uncle/niece, and even brother/sister (as their relationship to viserys is very much reminiscent of siblings competing for their father's love and attention). it's a very clear arc to me, and i am very excited to see how it all comes together in the finale (as well as how this sets the stage for future conflict between them).

(the " but in the book…" arguments about daemon at this point are also weak IMO, because daemon basically does nothing during this section in the book. and because the show has added different dimensions to his character that simply do not exist in the source material. his time in harrenhal is summed up in a couple of paragraphs. the riverlords all honor their oaths without conflict - and he fights in the battle of Stone Hedge, which you can mourn as an adaptational choice you do not agree with, but personally i think it's far less interesting than what we were given in the show.)

this is where i wish the fandom at large would give the writers a little more credit, and extend your faith a little further. sure there are some odd choices throughout, and yes they have taken adaptational liberties you may not agree with - but as we near the end of the season, the overall vision for daemon (and rhaenyra) is clearer, and i think it will be even more rewarding looking back on the season as a whole.

[mari-lair]

your posts about this newest chapter are so real because it disappointed me so much.

It was way too lighthearted and just seemed like a huge joke. I was expecting the trial to have suspense where you can really feel for the characters and wonder what will happen next, but it just ended up being comedic. It was funny, I’ll give it that, but I really really wanted some angst.

This may just be me, but Teru felt so out of canon to me. I can understand him putting on that “flawless student council” mask but it feels odd considering he is around mostly supernaturals. He is shown to be very intelligent and considering he is an exorcist and they are school mysteries why tf would that “look at how beautiful I am I could never” argument work. It was funny, sure, but just seemed out of canon for him.

Akane felt a little out of canon too to me? Probably not but he seemed to fully accept his role as a judge with little to no guilt at all. We don’t really get him looking guiltily at Teru or feeling frustrated, he’s just kind of there. Probably because (as always) the story focused on Hanako, Yashiro, and Tsukasa.

NOW UGHH TSUKASA IS SO FAVORITED ITS PAINFUL. You’re telling me after all that suspense around the clock keepers he takes them out in TWO PANELS. The clock keepers seem like a fucking joke in this chapter instead of the powerful mysterious beings they have shown to be previously.

Overall I expected something much more satisfying and I hope next chapter will be a little better because the last chapter got me so excited for nothing.

just my opinion though, I know some people enjoyed this chapter and that’s totally ok! just not my personal favorite

That's a mood ya-rr-ow. Big mood.

Many people enjoyed the chapter, and I'm happy for them, but I was also majorly disappointed so I'll talk about what you mentioned here and add some other things.

(I will just focus on the negatives here so if you're feeling hyped about the chapter. I am sorry, I wouldn't recommend reading this)

Okay let's go

Chapter 108 went out of its way to create a tense atmosphere, it was mostly a set up and hype piece for the trial.

Mirai was a beast, but Akane was the one that really set up the tone. He had the power to make Teru harmless, which only hyped up the other clock keepers since he is the lowest ranking keeper. Mirai and Kako's supposed power was said to be dangerous enough to make Akane, who hates supernaturals and is so firm in his beliefs, feel cornered, switch sides to 'do his duties', his vague words hinting that there is more to this trial than it seems on the surface.

So I don't think we were being delusional to expect this trial to be dramatic. To have angst. Or at least, character dept. To be important.

But despite the trial being the title, the spotlight, we got none of it: Not only is the trial treated as a joke, which I already don't vibe with considering how tense the atmosphere in chapter 108 is. It is an empty joke.

It doesn't teach us anything about the characters, it doesn't give any new information. Nothing.

Hanako's trial was a gag. He isn't even my priority character, but considering how he have the title of 'leader of the mysteries' and had been put on trial before for the Yorishiro's destruction, it is a baffling choice to make Kako not mention this big BIG crime when judging him.

Nene's trial 'revealed' she likes Hanako and want to confess to him. Which she has been doing this whole manga.

We could talk about her time crimes (every time travel that made her meet Amane), try to bargain her lifespan since this is the main conflict in the story and they are talking to the keepers of time. They could talk about her crime of helping to destroy the yorishiros with Hanako, or just acknowledge she is still a threat since she is the Kannagi, the only one capable of ripping their yorishiro in the first place. But no, those are stupid, let's spend 4 full pages of a monthly manga to tease a confession she already did in the very previous chapter.

Teru revealed he has some craving for destruction on him. Which surprise, surprise! It also isn't new information! How nice!

( I talked about his love for the idea of destruction and how it's almost an escapism recently, here you go if you're curious)

About Teru and Akane's acting weird. That's not them being ooc, that's Aidairo making a narrative choice to not take anything serious, including his own characters. Everyone is acting like themselves, and nothing contradicts what has been established about their personalities, but their competence has been drastically downgraded to move the plot quickly.

Teru has the bad habit of becoming pathetic when he has strong feelings, like locking himself in his room and hiding under the covers after his fight with Kou, immediately hitting Akane's stab wound when he is too late to rescue aoi cause the situation stressed him. So it is in character that he wants to kill Akane, who has always been his stress relief.

However, because Teru takes things so personally, and it was stablished in chapter 108 that Teru is way more bothered by Akane's betrayal than being in a court of law, it makes no sense that he treat it as a normal court instead of using his very obvious alibi that he couldn't destroy the clock because he was with Akane. Teru doesn't turn this court into the confrontation that would bring attention to their split up, doesn't go "Are you doing to deny my alibi now?? betray me again??" or question "So? We are here! Why did it had to be now??" or anything that builds up on the last chapter to expand it.

Cause Aidairo decided the court doesn't matter. The build up doesn't matter. Once more, the consequences are an afterthought. We don't need the answers to anything.

Akane is still guilty, he can't look at Teru in the eye, can't defend him, but he goes "!!!" when Teru finally calls for him, paying full attention.

But this is comedic. And as i mentioned above, Teru doesn't say anything useful, anything with more depth than what we already know: that he is angry by Akane's betrayal and hasn't forgiven him.

We TRULY are given nothing in this trial.

Which is insane, cause even the promo art had details to build intrigue, a vague idea that while the chapter would be comedic in nature, it would explain more about the clock keepers, or at least expand on their boundaries.

Like, what are those numbers on the scale? will they be judged by year? Will a lie make their time be stolen? oooh what could it be! Can't wait for the chapter!

And the chapter comes, and there is nothing. The whole trial feels like filler. They treated the audience as a fool for being excited.

That's why this big twist at the end? I don't care.

As you said Tsukasa is overpowered, they are Aidairo's golden child. And they will break established lore rules and make a joke out of everyone else just cause he can.

It's not just Teru and Akane who were nerfed to make the plot move faster, not allowed to have any proper focus. The clock keepers were also a joke, acting 'in character' but more incompetent than they have been stablished to be.

Tsukasa op moment doesn't make me go "wow he is so cool" it made me look at the clock keepers and go "You are all are stupid"

Cause Tsukasa has the judgment seal?? And he was already sentenced as guilty??? There are three clock keepers in the room too? So why not... you know... restrict him again...?

The clock keepers is a school rumor that was introduced all the way back in chapter 23. Like you said they are supposed to be super op! They are a mystery so hyped up that just Mirai's power (who isn't the strongest keeper) can throw the intire school into chaos in the Near Shore, where supernaturals are debuffed.

Even before Tsukasa attacked he made the clock keepers act incompetent, to make him look more mysterious and cool in comparison.

These very old and supposedly op school mysteries know Yugi Amane is Hanako, but they don't know who Amane's twin brother 'Tsukasa' is, they also don't refer to him as a yorishiro despite the seal being in his face, and use titles for every other character (Leader of the school mysteries. Kannagi. Student Body Representative)

Which might look like a small thing, silly nitpick, but it shows the favoritism isn't just for a twist. Aidairo naturally likes Tsukasa more than his own narrative, and is willing to make others be less competent for the sake of it.

I don't think Kako will die. That would objectively be bad writing at this point. He'll probably be back in the next chap, a la "teru got fucked up by No.6" and "Akane got stabbed by Aoi but he lives bitch" or even "i always had a ton of clones, like Mei of the art room" but it is still disappointing to see him and Mirai get fucked up in their own boundary after all the hype they have accumulated through the story.

There is a hint Akane can be a yorishiro at the end of the chapter, and that is cool, genuinely really cool, but I am tired of getting excited over possibilities and 'promises for the future'. I want something concrete.

Speaking of which, I don't think Akane will die. This is just another bait to keep reading like when No.6 slashed Teru, Kou, and Akane and we didn't get any answers for a few months before 'oh well nothing happened :) no consequences to be had here folks!'

"But Tsukasa has always killed everyone that he pulled the heart of! there is Mitsuba, and The puffer fish of the mermaid, and the previous No.3 (the bird)" And to that I say I trust Akane's ability to say fuck to fate.

My boy gets new death flags every year, he collects them like pokemon cards, you all should have gotten used to it.

He also survived his bae stabbing him, this isn't new. Sucks to be Tsukasa and die by a stab in the gut and all but Akane is built differently (quite literally with two bodies).

He is also in his own boundary, so if Aoi doesn't kill him while in the territory of another mystery, but he dies in No.1's boundary I will... idk probably just sigh.

In short, Aidairo treated this as joke, so I will treat their cliffhanger as one too. Give me reasons to care in chapter 110. Cause at the moment? I don't.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Alright, I know I’m a bit late to the conversation, but I can’t get over the Deuxmoi debacle. Seriously, what on earth is going on? How can anyone think the whole incident was a coincidence or believe the girlfriend was the one who arranged it? It's painfully obvious it was orchestrated. With so many people talking about it—PR anons, is there ANY chance A could have been the one to call the paps? I just don’t see how she’d have access to those resources.

Now, about Luke’s behavior during all this—it’s baffling. If you arranged this, at least try to act like you care about the girl. Walking ahead, refusing to properly hold her hand, come on. The picture that annoys me the most is the one where A is pointing at the car while Luke is in the background signing autographs. It reeks of attention-seeking. Where is his sister? Why is she acting like she’s the one the paps are there for, which technically they are, but still.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why Luke appeared so aloof with his girlfriend. Here’s my theory: have you ever made a decision and, when it comes time to execute it, something in the back of your mind tells you it’s not right? Like your body REFUSES to let you do it??? I think that’s what happened with Luke. He might’ve thought, "How romantic would it be to claim my girl on the premiere day of the show where I’m the lead?" I can see his girlfriend and friends encouraging him. Heck I can even see A and S picking out that dress she wore. I really fucking hope that wasn’t deliberate. Maybe he did this to distract from the debacle with A’s mom, but I also think he genuinely thought it was a good idea. But on the day, he froze. Almost like it hit him why this wasn't a good decision. He couldn’t bring himself to hold her hand. As frustrating as that was, it gave me hope that he knows deep down what his priorities should be and that he’ll work towards them.

Nic is really starting to annoy me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love her and Luke, but she’s getting on my nerves. Her friends say she’s too good for her own good. HARD FUCKING AGREE. Clearly, Luke and his girlfriend don’t care about any of this, so why is Nic even bothering to help? It seems like she’s done with it for now, at least. Luke won’t learn if Nic keeps stepping in. Let him deal with it and figure it out on his own.

And finally, about polaroidgate—Nic knows people are watching. I think she kept it at first without thinking, saw the traction it got in Australia, and decided to keep it longer. Every time people saw it, they went crazy, myself included. I’m not saying she kept the polaroid solely for PR reasons, but I do think she’s holding onto it until the buzz for season 3 dies down. Honestly, I don’t think she cares that much. One day, she’s just going to remove it while on set in her little fairy costume. Can’t wait for it! Sorry, I know this was a bit of a rant but had to get it off my chest.

Just wanted to give a shoutout for this blog. It's really cool to see a place where different perspectives are welcomed and encouraged. The way you keep things balanced makes the discussions way more interesting. Thanks for all the hard work you put in. You really help keep my delulu alive, really appreciate it!

Thank you for sharing your pov of events!

Sorry it took me so long to get to your message

[karmarox]

Fallen Gods and the Curse of the Crowns

Wanted to share an idea/headcanon I had about the Follower Bishops. This is based off of how they are when they first arrive at the Cult + their traits, expanding and adding more lore/story potential around the idea.

Essentially, the now Mortal Bishops all have a curse placed on them due to how they used their crowns, and then being separated from them after being connected to them for so long.

Leshy Curse of Chaos: Has random sudden fits of "Bad Luck" where he gets struck by misfortune. -It's not actually that debilitating, he never was a particularly strong Bishop and left Darkwood to its own chaotic devices most of the time. -Most of the time it manifests as just a weird string of chaotic and perfectly timed happenstance that leads to him being inconvenienced or put in a compromising position or tossed around like a ragdoll. -The rest of the Cult can only watch baffled whenever things just seem to randomly go wrong around Leshy in impossible, bizarre ways. (He finds it kinda funny, honestly)

Heket Curse of Famine: Has random, unpredictable bouts of extreme hunger pangs. -They can happen at any time, even immediately after already eating to the point of fullness or in the middle of the night while she's sleeping. -If she doesn't eat to stave off these pangs she could very well collapse. (And has multiple times due to being too prideful to let the Lamb or the other Followers help her, at first) -Takes to always carrying food and snacks on her as a result. -The Lamb gave her a key to the food stores and free access to the kitchen because of her condition. She hates them for "pitying" and "mocking" her. -Gets extremely uppity if people waste food. Maybe that's why she hasn't actually sabotaged the food stores even though she states she definitely could and the Lamb is a fool for giving her easy access.

Kallamar Curse of Pestilence: Very poor health. Frail, gets tired easily on most days, and prone to fever and illness. -Pretty much constantly in danger of catching a cold, fever, migraines, or whatever illness is floating around the area at the time. -It doesn't help that he doesn't particularly sleep well and also strives to push himself to get into the Lamb's good graces. -Frequent visitor to the Healing Bay because of it. -In actuality, he's the first to notice how all of the Former Bishops have strange ailments and occurrences surrounding them that are rather coincidentally related to their former domains. -Theorizes that they've all been cursed due to their abuse of the crowns, since all of their afflictions are related to how they usually treated mortals they didn't like (he especially is aware of how prone he was to taking his frustrations out on his followers by throwing sicknesses around without a care), and the Curse's power seems to scale with the former Bishop's, from only mildly inconveniencing and amusing Leshy to being horribly debilitating for Kallamar and Shamura.

Shamura Curse of War: Enters sudden fits of rage and hostility, lashing out at anyone around them no matter who it is. -These fits seem to always happen whenever Shamura is having a better, more lucid day. -They're almost perfectly timed to ruin the moment. Is Shamura in a good mood? Are they recovering more memories than usual? Are they bonding or trying to reconcile with their siblings? Are they actually befriending the other Followers? Suddenly they see red, and by the time they're lucid again whatever they had is poisoned and gone. -For some reason, this particular Curse seems have a strange effect on the Lamb. Whenever they get close to each other or have any sort of insightful conversation, it seems like instead of Shamura being hit by a bout of rage, they'll inevitably end up saying the wrong thing that will send the Lamb into a rage instead. Not even the Lamb knows why being around Shamura makes them so much easier to upset. -They end up becoming rather reclusive after realizing how they always seem to sabotage themselves and any bond they try to have, old or new. Not to mention horribly depressed. They even avoid the other Bishops whenever they feel particularly lucid.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

okay so i just stumbled upon your blog and the first thing i saw was the pianjeong tag.

i have to ask.

do you ship piandao and jeong jeong??? do other people ship piandao and jeong jeong ???? is pianjeong a thing, and if so, WHY ?????

i'm truly baffled but i want to be enlightened

(i know you sent this a while ago sorry, took me some time to figure out how to respond and gather all the links to fic)

yes, yes, and yes, though of course it's a pretty niche thing since it's about minor characters.

as to why - imo it stems from the fact that if you want to ship either of them with someone, the other is the most obvious choice. around the same age, fellow white lotus member, fellow ex-fire nation military, easy to interpret as gay. like no, they don't have any canon interaction, but it's easy to imagine that they've interacted offscreen.

for my part, i got into it in 2020 when my friend abby @rarepairnation came up with it while writing earth system history, a zukka fic with piandao as zuko's gay professor. when trying to find a character to be his husband, she landed on jeong jeong, and then decided to go explore that dynamic with spark from a flame and we said forever (but forever wouldn't wait for us). i'd always liked both characters - i'm a sokka fan so of COURSE i like piandao, and i thought jeong jeong was fascinatingly tormented - so i was drawn in.

i think i'm still into it so many years later bc the storyline and characterizations established back then are legitimately really good. there's kind of a pianjeong "canon" to me:

they meet as young men in the fire nation military. young piandao is desperate to prove himself worthy (backstory from an old nickelodeon lore site says his parents abandoned him as a kid for being a nonbender) meanwhile young jeong jeong is a firebending prodigy (from that same lore site) vaguely uncomfortable with the status & privilege that grants him. they both crave what the other has

piandao brings a sword to a fire fight and wins. they both find the experience exhilarating - piandao is thrilled to be defeating a powerful firebender, and jeong jeong is thrilled to have someone stand up to him (spark from a flame, an old phenomenon)

they start a relationship of sorts, kept secret bc of the homophobia in the military (army dreamers)

jeong jeong deserts, leaving piandao behind (we said forever)

piandao eventually leaves the military too, traveling the world and learning the truth of the war (beyond your darkness)

they both independently end up in the white lotus

piandao offers jeong jeong a place to stay at his mansion after the war and they reconnect. it's been so long and so much has changed and jeong jeong definitely isn't in the right mental place to be in a relationship but slowly, he gets better and they get close again (i'm your light, ghosts, diary of the deserter)

like, is this kinda just two OCs in atlaverse? probably. but i think another reason i've been into it so long is that it allows me to engage with atla without always having to deal with the broader fandom discourses that frustrate me. i think atla is a pretty good show so the way fandom tends to want to change or ignore canon doesn't really appeal to me. i'd rather just play around in the universe! also i started writing a lot of pianjeong fic in 2020-2021 and tend to be a slow writer so i'm still working on it, and that keeps my interest alive.

so yeah. feel free to join us in old man yaoi if you like :)

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Chapter 2

Series Summary: Gemma is definitely Cassidy James' favourite Styles family member, considering they are best friends and all. And especially considering that Harry Styles is Gemma's smug and self-centered younger brother. Her life isn't perfect, and neither is she, but she hates how everyone thinks Harry is. Because she knows that's not the case.

Chapter Summary: As Harry's show continues, so do the flashbacks that keep bombarding Cassidy with each song.

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language, mention of drinking, anxiety attack, Robin Twist passing away & funeral reception

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy doesn't like to admit that Harry's songs are really good. She also doesn't like that she can't help herself from dancing to them. And what she hates even more is when Harry catches her doing it. Especially when it causes a smirk to appear on his face.

He's sung two songs already, and is now performing 'Adore You'. It's good. Too good. And it's so fun, which is why she starts to move around with Gemma as soon as the rhythmic bass of the intro begins to play.

"Walking your rainbow paradise…"

His quick glance up is the first moment he's looked at her. At least, it's the first time she has allowed direct contact, because she did not want to give him that during 'Watermelon Sugar'. She's not dumb, she knows what that song is about. And giving him her attention during that one just wasn't going to happen.

"Walk through fire for you, just let me adore you."

He looks up again, a quick glance up, a concentrated furrow in his brow under the bright lights. The thought crosses her mind that maybe he can't see her. That would be nice, considering she wouldn't be personally feeding his ego by being in attendance.

With the hope that she is hidden from Harry's view, she begins to bounce along to the song more vibrantly. It's almost unavoidable, and as much as it annoys her, she can't hold back from moving to the beat.

It's a fun song, and she may as well attempt to have some fun while she's there, considering she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Just let me adore you… oh honey!"

Again he glances up, this time forming a smirk on his lips as he notices her dancing, and performing a little imitation of her moves from the stage.

A little frustration appears from being seen dancing, but more so from the fact that she just blushed from that mild moment of attention she received, and the smile it produced from him. That frustration grows as she realizes she once again fell for the charm, even if for a second, and once again fed his ego. So her movements halt.

"Walk through fire for you… sing!" He points his mic to the crowd, and of course they obey.

"Just let me adore you!"

She rolls her eyes, keeping her lips tight as everyone else chants it out, wondering if this song is actually from his perspective or something he wants to hear from others. He knows he's adored, but he still wants to hear it.

Typical Harry.

He wants everyone to love him, and they do. He wants people to be there for him, and they are. Just like back in his One Direction days, except this is worse, because it actually is all about him. Just how he likes it. Just how he expects it.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy has no reason to be shocked by the article Roxie had placed in front of her that day at the office, two weeks ago.

She knew exactly what was going to happen on that yacht trip. Exactly. She would say she's dumb to think any different, but that wasn't even the case, because she didn't. She didn't think any other scenario would play out.

So it's baffling to her that she is sitting on her bed, still staring at the photos plastered all over social media, feeling a twinge in her heart at the sight of Kendall Jenner's body pressed down against Harry's bare chest. She's baffled by the knot forming in her stomach, as she looks over images of another girl's lips on his, remembering the moments they were soft against her own, as well as the moments they were a bit more ravenous.

She can't be upset. She has no reason to be upset. They had sex twice. Two casual hookups, with a guy she has only ever been annoyed by, do not grant her the right to feel jealous.

So she won't. She doesn't.

To her relief, her phone itself pulls her out of those thoughts with multiple vibrations. She opens up her messages and clicks on the first notification

🗨️ Gemma: hey, r u coming to harry's bday thing tonight?

She loves her best friend, but sometimes she's clueless. Granted, she doesn't know about the activities that Harry and Cassidy have partaken in, but she can only remember one birthday party of Harry's that she attended since he auditioned on X-Factor. She didn't even attend all of them during the time before that. Why would she do that now?

🗨️ Cassidy: wasn't planning on it

She closes that message, knowing full well that Gemma will potentially send her a response of protest soon, and takes the moment to open up the other new one waiting for her attention.

🗨️ Nathan: hey cassidy, i'm back in london this weekend. wanna meet up?

That one she will wait on. She had a fun time with Nathan on New Year's Eve. He was hot, charming in his own way, and made her laugh a lot that night. Granted, she was a bit drunk, trying to convince herself it was only because of the celebration and not to forget certain interactions on the other most recent holiday. But, either way, he was good company and did happen to be her kiss when the countdown ended that night. A good kiss.

She was grateful, that time, that she shared a hotel room with her friends. She told them she didn't want any drunken hookups that she could regret in the morning, clearly learning from the secret rendezvous she had with a certain someone.

So, even though emotions were high, alcohol was coursing through her veins, and hormones were raging, her friends made sure she went back to the room with them at the end of the party.

That's not to say that his question to hang out won't be answered, and it's not necessarily something she will decline, but this moment, with thoughts of Harry and a supermodel curled up on a yacht flooding her brain, it's not the time to respond.

•••

With her sweats and jumper on, an order of her favorite Chinese food delivered, and 'The Princess Bride' playing on the television, Cassidy begins to enjoy her relaxing night alone.

Her dad is out of town on a business trip, and her mum has taken a graveyard shift at the old folks home. These nights are rare for her, and she is going to take advantage of every moment of peace this situation can bring.

As she takes a bite of orange chicken, her phone begins to buzz. She pauses the movie and picks it up, seeing Gemma's name appear.

"Hey! Is the party over already?" She chuckles, mildly amused that the birthday dinner of her nemesis could have ended so quickly.

"No. It's not." She hears in a stern reply, but not from the voice of her best friend.

"Ummm… Harry?"

"Oh! You… you remember me? And… you remember it's my birthday party?"

"Yeah…" She replies, confusion filling every inch of her mind.

"So why didn't you come then?"

"I… umm… what?"

"Just thought you'd… thought you'd come."

Why would she go? Why in the world would she go? It's not as if she's been to every birthday celebration before tonight. It's not as if they are even that close, or even friends.

But the stutter of his words clues her in to the fact that while the party isn't over, it has definitely been in full swing. There's no doubt that he's had a few drinks. And as much as her instincts tell her to roll her eyes, or argue with him, she knows it's pointless to do any of that when he's drunk.

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"I just… thought you'd come." He repeats, the sadness in his tone sounding sincere enough to give her heart a little tug. Minimally. "Wanted you to come."

"I'm sorry, Harry." She repeats this time, feeling the tug a little stronger at his admission of wanting her there, even if it is an inebriated confession. "Get back to having fun, yeah?"

She picks up on a subtle sigh on the other end of the line, followed quickly by nearby shouting of his name.

"Harry, what the hell are you doing?" She hears in the background.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

"Give me my phone back!"

Cassidy chuckles, understanding that Harry has been caught by Gemma, who apparently didn't realize that he had taken her phone for this conversation.

"What the-? CJ?" Gemma chuckles in surprise at who Harry was on the phone with. She's not the only one a little shocked by the random call. "That idiot. He had asked if you were coming. I didn't think he'd become a thief and call you. Sorry 'bout that."

"It's fine." Cassidy replies, unsure how to feel about his desire and attempt to see her, or at least talk to her. "I'm guessing it's going well?"

"For him, yeah." She responds, chuckling and exhaling a sigh in the same breath. "He's getting a little wild, so I'm babysitting now."

"Oh boy."

"He's tried to take his shirt off twice already!"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, regretting not going solely for the possibility of getting another glimpse of his bare upper body.

"Shit." Gemma states. "He's slumped over some random girl. I better go."

That's something she's glad she isn't seeing, and it's part of the reason she didn't go. Not that she'd be jealous, she has no reason to be jealous, but she doesn't need to be there watching him try to charm his way into someone else's pants. It's just annoying. No, the reason is she doesn't want to be that girl. Especially with Gemma there. That just wouldn't end well.

Not that she would be that girl. Not that he'd pick her. Not again.

"Alright. Talk later." She quickly replies, hanging up as she hears her friend yell out Harry's name once more.

She sets her phone down beside her, grabbing her food container again, and taking another bite. A giggle of disbelief comes out, followed by frustration, which is always the emotion she feels related to Harry.

What is his deal? They hook up, he goes back to his popstar life, they hook up again, have a very confusing Christmas, and he has a romantic rendezvous with his famous supermodel 'friend'. But then he calls her, seemingly upset that she didn't attend his little birthday dinner?

Does he think that since now they've had sex, she will forget all the torture he put her through during their childhood? Does he think that now she is just going to fawn over him like every other girl he meets? Does he think he has some kind of hold on her, that all she wants is him?

If he does, he needs to get over himself. Doubtful that'll happen, but she's not going to give that to him. And she's not going to let this consume her night.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

After watching and listening to Harry perform 'Falling', Cassidy is ready for another upbeat song. That one brought up too many emotions, and she knows it's not even about her. That song is about someone he really and truly cared about. Plus, there wouldn't be one about her anyway.

A fun little riff on the guitar starts to play, and there's hope this one is a bit more bouncy.

"Don't blame me for falling, I was just a little boy."

Immature. Sounds right. She knows she's being mean, even though it's only internally, but she can't seem to help it. It's been a long time, sure, and there wasn't much between them, but it still gets to her. Everything about him just gets to her.

"And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch, who can't admit when he's sorry."

Funny, and true. She's definitely thought that for a long time, and is pretty sure she may have said it to him once.

[ flashback - Jan 2016 ]

Cassidy didn't even realize she fell asleep on the couch until her mum called, saying her shift is over and she'll bring home some breakfast.

A knock on the door surprises her a little, not expecting her mum to be back so soon.

"Need help, Mum?" She shouts towards the front door, as she makes her way closer.

"Umm… no, it's… it's Harry."

She stops in her tracks, even more surprised than she was when she thought her mum had come home in record time. She looks over her outfit, knowing there's no time to change, but quickly throws her hair up in a bun before opening the door.

"Hi." He simply states, a small but shy smile already on his face.

"Hi…" She responds, her tone soaked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

He looks around outside, potentially making sure no one was around to see, or capture through a camera, the interaction between them.

"Can we chat?"

"Sure." She opens the door to let him in, watching him walk through the doorway as she realizes she can't remember a time when he's been there. Gemma has been there a few times, but Cassidy usually refrains from having people over. So she's sure Harry's never been there. It's not the most comforting environment. Hell, she doesn't even like being there herself.

Although, this moment feels a little different. She isn't sure if it's due to the lack of presence of the drunken prick she calls her father, the relaxation she was able to have the night before, or Harry's sudden presence, but she feels more peaceful than she thought she would while having him step inside her home.

"So, what's up?" She mumbles, walking behind him into the living room.

He stops and swivels around, a subtle furrow displayed between his brows.

"I didn't mean to call you last night. That was stupid. I was drunk." He states with an unreadable tone to his words.

"Oh. Right, I figured." She gives him a smile, reassuring him that his actions were fine and attempting to break the awkward tension she is suddenly feeling. "No problem."

"But… umm… why didn't you come?"

"What? To your dinner?" She asks, taken aback by the fact that despite his unintentional call, he was still questioning her lack of attendance.

He simply nods.

"I didn't realize you wanted me there."

"I invited you." His arms cross over his chest, and the awkward tension builds. So much for there being peace in the home. But that's the true nature of that house. That's its default setting.

"I've never gone to one of your birthday parties. Wasn't a big deal before." She chuckles. "I didn't think this year was any different."

"F'course it's different!" He instantly retorted.

"Why, because we fucked twice?" The words spilled out, unintentionally harsh. Unintentionally spoken in the first place. She regrets it, but it's also a fair response, and she feels justified for the questions swirling through her head the night before, because he clearly does think she'll forget the past, that she'll fawn over him, that he has some sort of hold on her. But his wide-eyed reaction produces a bit of guilt to begin to creep in.

"Well, sort of-... not just-... no, because we're friends."

"Friends?" She begins to laugh. His statements are getting more ridiculous by the minute. "Harry, we've never been friends."

"Harsh."

"But true." She quickly adds. "I'm Gemma's friend. All we've done is… is pester each other. Our whole childhood."

"Again, harsh. I was just a boy. I figured you'd see me in a different light at this point…" He mutters, clearly his throat as he runs his fingers through his annoyingly perfect locks. "So, we hook up and nothing's changed for you? That's fucking rubbish."

"Are you bloody joking? Have things changed for you?"

"Yes."

"What then? What's changed for you?"

"I…" He brings his pointer finger and thumb to his bottom lip, beginning to mindlessly pull on it as his brow furrows again. There's anger apparent on his face. "I like talking to you. I like hanging out with you."

"Okay…"

"I like kissing you. Your lips." He states, and her breath hitches as he takes long strides towards her. His penetrating gaze, accompanied with his sultry scent, sends shivers down her spine and a blush to her cheeks. "Sort of miss them, if I'm honest..."

But the good feelings are then also accompanied by irritation. She cannot let him have a hold on her. She cannot keep reacting this way just because he is close. She cannot fall for his charm, or his wit, because it's just a game to him. It's just a trick to get her to cave to him. She cannot be yet another girl he can use when he needs to and forget when he doesn't. He's already done that to her.

"Is that why I haven't heard from you since Christmas?"

"I was away-"

"Right, on the yacht. And is that why you were kissing Kendall Jenner? Because you 'missed my lips'…?"

He goes silent and his body stiffens. She can just make out how his breathing becomes a degree more shallow than before, seeing his nostrils flare slightly with each exhale.

"That's not fair." He mumbles, and his gaze drops to the floor. "You went out with that Nathan guy…"

"I went to a party."

"You can't really blame me for thinking it was more. He wanted to see you again, after he was basically eye-fucking you at that after party."

"So what if he was?"

The entire conversation has escalated so quickly, that Cassidy is almost having a hard time catching her breath. Her mind is racing so fast that it can't even begin to process what's happening, what they're talking about, what he means behind everything he says, because at this point it has gone beyond confusing.

"I just didn't like it."

"Didn't like the competition?"

"He wasn't competition." He replies so smugly, even without his usual dimpled smirk.

"God you're cocky." She scoffs, his aggravating ego reappearing effortlessly as it always does. "I could've left with him, you know."

"But you didn't!" He raises his voice, his jaw clenching as his eyes burn into hers, causing her to take a step back. "You left with me! You had sex with me!"

"I was drunk." She mumbles back. It was the alcohol, she still blames the alcohol.

"You weren't drunk the second time, Cass. You can't tell me you didn't want it the second time."

"You arrogant son of a bitch! This is so fucking stupid. What are we even arguing about? Yeah, we had sex. That was all. It's not like we are gonna be more… like we want to be more…"

His entire body straightens up and he steps back. His jaw drops open but he immediately closes it. They stand there in silence, except for a few panted breaths from each of them.

"You're right." He clears his throat, dropping his gaze downward. "This is stupid."

More silence. Her body begins to ready itself for fight or flight mode again, she can feel it coming on, and her breathing becomes even more shallow. She tries to take a deep breath, desperately hoping she doesn't have a panic attack, in front of him, yet again.

His eyes shoot up to hers, and that unfamiliar concern he showed the last time appears again in his expression. That is the exact opposite of what she wants right now, so she draws in a breath that finally, and thankfully, starts to calm her down.

"Can we… can we at least hang out?" Harry asks, his tone even, most likely not wanting to trigger anything for her.

"Why do you even want to be friends?"

"Why don't you want to? What's your reason?"

Because it's complicated. Because she's confused. Because being friends won't help to clear those things up for her. Because she's afraid she can't keep composed around him anymore and that's dangerous, because he's her best friend's brother. Because he's Harry Styles.

"We've never been friends. We've never hung out. I just don't see the point in starting now."

"Stop being so stubborn, CJ!"

"Don't call me that."

"Stubborn? But you are!"

"No. Don't call me 'CJ' again. We aren't friends."

"Bloody hell, you're so fucking infuriating! Fine. We aren't friends. We aren't anything." He pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, and begins to make his way to the front door. "I'm almost starting to regret what we did. You should've just hooked up with that Nathan guy. Would've saved me… us… all this… trouble."

"I definitely regret it." She immediately replies, not entirely sure why she said it, because she's not entirely sure it's the truth. As complex as it has made things, she can't deny that it was good. That it was exciting. That it was potentially the best she's had. "I… I mean-"

"Don't. I know you mean it." His eyes narrow and the glare sends a sharp shiver down her spine. That look, more than any other, is not one she has seen from him. Not ever. Not directed at her. "You're stubborn and I'm exhausted. This is it, yeah? Won't have to see me again."

"Good. Get out." She states sternly.

He turns to the door and grabs the handle, letting out what sounds to be a disappointed sigh, and tilting his head down to the ground.

Cassidy opens her mouth to tell him to leave again, but is stopped as he swiftly turns around, grabbing her face and pressing his lips firmly against hers. There's no movement, just him against her, and she opens her eyes to see his squeezed shut. Her hands softly grip onto his Rolling Stones t-shirt, intending on separating them, and a subtle, sad whimper is drawn out from him. He pushes her back just as quickly as he had pulled her in, and takes less than a second to stare into her eyes before swinging the door open and slamming it shut.

She stands there, frozen in place, only able to pick out a single thought, or question, that's whirling around in her mind.

What just happened?

What the hell just happened?

She doesn't even have time to process anything, as the door slowly opens back up. Her chest tightens and her breath hitches, but she's met with the tired, yet cheerful face of her mum.

"Hello, darling!" She greets her daughter. "Was that Harry I saw driving away?"

Cassidy's throat becomes dry and she tries to swallow the lump that's wedged itself there.

"Y-yes. It was."

"He's such a sweet boy." Her mum replies, walking past and placing bags of food on the kitchen counter.

But Cassidy continues to stare at the front door.

"I always thought he was keen on you." Her mum adds, fully snapping Cassidy out of her bewildered trance. "And maybe you were keen on him, too."

"Absolutely not!" She replies. Anger begins to boil up inside, and truthfully she isn't even sure why. She still hasn't had time to dissect whatever it was that just occured between the two of them. But, at this moment, she also doesn't want to. She wants something to distract herself. She opens her phone to her messages.

🗨️ Cassidy: i'm free tonight…

She inhales quickly, not really sure what she's doing, and not wanting to acknowledge that she knows it isn't great, but not really wanting to pause and think about it. She holds her breath as her phone buzzes back.

🗨️ Nathan: pick u up at 7?

🗨️ Cassidy: perfect, it's a date

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

Cassidy is beginning to think she should have listened to the entire 'Fine Line' album, not solely so she could sing and dance more at this show, but also so she can know what to expect next. She only knows three of the songs well enough, and each one was released as a single.

Harry stands in front of the microphone again, squeezing his eyes shut as he begins to strum on his guitar.

She instantly knows it'll be an emotional song. As if this night and all the memories it's bringing back isn't enough, these types of songs seem to be getting to her tonight.

"Put a price on emotion, I'm looking for something to buy." He begins, almost causing her to growl as the lyrics seem to be the complete opposite of what she's feeling. It's saying he wants some, and right now she has too much. Ironic.

Already, the corners of her eyes become moist and she wipes it away before tears can fully form. But being there, seeing him, hearing the songs, is all overwhelming. The song itself is sentimental, but something about it is really digging into her soul.

"We'll be a fine line…"

Just like the song from earlier, she knows that this will mean so much to so many people, and in so many different ways. And it's true for her too. Not just for one specific reason, but for a few.

As that one-line chorus continues, she does what she can to not dwell on it each time it's sung.

"Spreading you open is the only way of knowing you…"

Wait a second. Obviously Cassidy hates arrogance more than anything, and she never wants to make something out of nothing, but those lyrics sound familiar. Like something she's heard before. No, like something that's been said between them before.

Coincidence, right? It's just a coincidence. Common phrases, common experiences. Admittedly, he's good at making every one of his songs feel personal to whomever is listening and that's what has happened here. That's all it is.

"We'll be a fine line…"

He looks up that time, but she knows it couldn't have been to her. He was just glancing up to see his fans, even though the section she is in is only for family and friends. But that's what it is, he's looking for those people. Family and friends. Like Gemma. Whose arm she feels begin to wrap around her own waist and sway them both along to the rhythm of his guitar.

That single line chorus continues as she manages to get her breathing to do as well. Continue. That is, until he pulls away, strumming his guitar for a few chords, and just as he brings his mouth back to the mic, he shoots a quick glance up to her. Unmistakably to her.

"We'll be alright…"

Nope. No she won't.

[ flashback - June 2017 ]

Despite it being Summer, overcast skies perfectly mirror the tone of the day. Not Robin's personality, because he was always such a bright presence to be around, but definitely the feeling of what his passing means to everyone else.

As harsh as it may sound, she assumed she'd be attending the funeral of the other father figure in her life, not that he was much of one though. Her own father was a much more likely candidate for a day like this. Though she actually isn't convinced she'd even attend his.

But today is not about anything except remembering Robin, and being there for Gemma and Anne.

And Harry, she supposes. Though, that will be from a distance if she can help it. It's been over a year since they've seen each other, and so much has happened during that time. She's moved on, not that there was much to move on from to begin with, and has been immersed in her busy life just as he has with his own. However, there's a lingering twinge of something, and she wants to be careful.

"Does anyone need anything?" She asks the family as they stand around in the backyard, occasionally mingling with those who were in attendance at the memorial.

"No thank you, sweetheart." Anne replies, giving a small smile as she squeezes Cassidy's hand. "Do you?"

Her question tightens Cassidy's chest. Not because she does need something, but because Anne never fails to make her feel looked after. And loved. And Robin was the same way.

She shakes her head, quickly wiping a few tears that threaten to fall, and clears her throat. "No, no. I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me… focus on your family."

"CJ…" Anne grabs her shoulders and looks at her with such a motherly love. "You are a part of our family. You always have been. And Robin loved you, sweetheart."

Cassidy pulls her lips inward, dropping her gaze to the floor as she picks at her nails.

"Maybe more than he loved Harry." She chuckles, and their eyes meet again as they both smile, almost in acknowledgement that the joke was potentially one that Robin would make himself. "Speaking of… have you seen him 'round?"

"No." She replies, feeling slightly guilty that she has been avoiding him, but guilty solely for the reason that his mother is asking about his whereabouts. "Do you… want me to look for him?"

She does everything in her power not to show the sudden tension in her body as she awaits an answer.

"No. I'm sure he's charming the hell out of some family member or something."

Or the pants off some girl.

Cassidy feels even more guilty for that thought. She needs to set herself straight.

"Well, I'm going 'round to get some water for myself. If I see him, I'll send him your way." She smiles, giving Anne another hug, which she reminds herself is the main task of the day.

The kitchen is empty, much to her relief, so she gets herself a glass of water and slowly sips on the contents. The quiet is nice, and welcome.

Footsteps get closer and she sighs at only having a short period of time to herself, but is grateful to see her best friend's face when she comes around the corner.

"Hey Gem." She mutters, almost to not disturb the only stress-free place in the house. Maybe not stress-free, but tranquil. No, not tranquil either, but sedated. That's it, sedated.

"Hey. Want something a little stronger?" She asks, pointing to the wine rack, making Cassidy giggle with a nod of her head.

"But only a little. I'm gonna have to leave within the hour to make it back before dinner."

"Right." Her best friend states, leaving a quietness around them.

"It…" Cassidy sighs, not wanting to cause Gemma or herself any heartache by bringing up memories. "Never mind."

Gemma looks up after pouring two glasses of wine, handing one over.

"You can tell me…"

"It feels weird to be in this house now." She replies, wincing at her confession.

"Well, yeah, the last time you were here was when you were-"

"I meant because Robin's… he's not here anymore." Tears begin to fill both of their eyes and Gemma wraps one arm around Cassidy's waist. Their temples lean against each other as they simply stare down at the kitchen counter, down to one of his favourite foods, only the sound of sniffles filling the room.

"I still can't believe they let me stay here for four months. Especially with my situation." She shakes her head, remembering the day she showed up to their house with bags in hand and her heart shattered.

"Your 'situation' was exactly why they let you live here, CJ!" Gemma squeezes her tighter then releases her, grabbing her glass and taking a gulp. "You're like my sister! They've always loved you. We all have."

All Cassidy can do is sigh, and attempt to hold back the flood of tears wanting to stream out, which isn't exactly working well for her.

"They were more than happy to do it." Gemma adds. She kisses her on the cheek and takes her wine glass, walking out to mingle with the other guests, leaving Cassidy alone in her thoughts.

Anne and Robin helped her more than they may ever have known. What Anne says rings in her ears. She is family. Even if Robin wasn't her actual father, he still was one to her. A better one than the one she has. And now she's lost someone from that family. She's lost him.

So much has changed since last year. Actually, everything has changed since last year. And even though she feels somewhat steadier in her life now, the Styles family, for the most part, has always been the stability in her life that she was missing from her own family. Truly, everything has changed since last year.

With the last sips of wine gone, she places her glass on the counter and decides she needs some air. Hopefully it'll clear her mind and take away the dizziness that's suddenly appeared, unrelated to the beverage she just consumed.

She begins to make her way through the house again, nodding politely at those who give her a few kind words. She feels a bit awkward accepting them, since Robin wasn't her actual dad. Yes, he was the closest thing to one that she had, considering her own couldn't care less about her, but her grief feels almost selfish. Yet, with each acknowledgement from a guest, another tear begins to form. She continues maneuvering around everyone, feeling her lungs beg to catch a full breath, as she makes it out to the backyard. Instantly, the noise and sheer presence of so many people has her head spinning, and she knows that she has to find some refuge. Fast.

Shuffling her way against the outside of the house, she walks around to the side, thankful to see that no one is lingering nearby. She takes as many steps as she can manage before pressing her back against the wall and sliding her body down.

Her knees position themselves against her chest, and her arms wrap around them in an attempt to hold herself together. She leans her head backwards and closes her eyes as she attempts to steady her breathing.

"Inhale for ten." She mumbles while she inhales as deeply as she can, which isn't much at this point. "Exhale for ten."

She growls with frustration at her failed attempt to calm herself, which only makes her breathing even faster and more shallow.

"Keep going." She hears close by, and looks over to see Harry kneeling down next to her. "Inhale for ten…"

She would potentially be annoyed that he was there, if she didn't need the help to calm down, and he helps her to regulate her breathing. She's a little surprised it's working considering who it is that's helping her.

"Breathe, Cass. You've got this." He encourages, and she responds with a nod. As odd as it is, he is making her feel a bit more at peace, or at least a bit more physically stable. She sees a subtle smile on his face as she exhales a steadier breath. "There you go."

Cassidy looks at him more directly, seeing that same concern in his eyes, it melting away with every normal breath she takes.

"Better?" He asks softly.

"Better."

"Good. It's a bit overwhelming here, yeah?" He chuckles, looking down at the ground with a shake of his head.

"Yeah." She mutters back, feeling stable, but less at peace, as she fully registers his presence beside her. But she can handle it. It's been long enough. "Thank you… for your help…"

"No problem." He mumbles, imitating her position against the wall.

They sit in silence, both looking out ahead of them, the only noise being the crowds around the corner who are actually engaging in conversation with each other.

She decides that she is steady enough to rejoin everyone, and rubs her legs before placing them on the ground with the intention of pushing herself up.

"How've you been?" Harry asks, stopping her movements as her eyes move over to meet his. That's when she gets a good look at him. A good look at how good he looks.

"Your hair is shorter." She blurts, closing her eyes and scrunching her nose at her inability to keep her thoughts to herself.

He chuckles and runs his fingers through the curls she was just admiring.

"Been like this for 'bout a year now." He responds, bringing his lips inward to hide a smile. Failing. "You didn't know?"

"No." She lies. She knew. It's hard not to hear or see stories and photos about one of the world's most popular megastars. But is she going to give him that satisfaction? No. There was only that one time, on Christmas, when she gave him a compliment like that, and that was too much.

"Hm."

Her gaze drops down as she circles a finger around the top of her knee.

"You didn't answer my question." He adds, causing her to quickly turn back to the man beside her. "How've you been?"

"It's not really the best time to ask, is it? I've been better."

"You know that's not what I mean, Cass."

She sighs. She knows. Although the emotions of today sort of cloud everything else at the moment. But, also, maybe she's using that as an excuse to not share any details of her life. Not only are there so many, but she isn't sure if it's his business to know. If he deserves to know.

"It's been good. Busy."

That should be enough to ease his curiosity.

"Work? Family?"

Apparently that wasn't enough. Nosey bastard.

"Both, yeah." She simply states, trying not to let the growing annoyance overcome her to the point of lashing out. Definitely not today, definitely not there.

"Still at POPSUGAR then?" He inquires, suddenly and subtle scooting a smidge closer towards her.

"Yeah."

"Wow. Riveting."

There it is. The frustration. He sure knows how to push her buttons and bring it out in her. Easily.

"Why is my life such a pressing matter to you?"

"What? We can't have casual conversation?" He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"I just don't want to talk about things right now."

His brow furrows, and his lips press firmly together as he takes a deep breath. He turns his body towards hers and his gaze pierces into the side of her head.

"You never want to talk about things, Cass. Apparently not even cordially now. The only time we've ever had a real, normal conversation is that morning after I stayed in your hotel ro-"

"Knock it off, Harry."

"Was having sex the only way I could get to know you?" He growls, in such a deep tone that if this conversation did not have an argumentative context, it would be a major turn on for her.

"I said knock it off!" She immediately stands up, unfortunately seeing Harry do the same. She crosses her arms over her chest and glares.

"All I've tried to do is be in your life... like, be your friend… but, fuck, it's so difficult that I…" He sighs, jostling his hair around and letting fall back into its perfect position, as it always seems to do. Then he looks up at her with a glare. "I almost wish we never met. That you never met Gemma."

As much as he has tormented and teased her, she never thought those words would come out of his mouth. She never thought he actually felt that way about her.

Anger boils over. She feels as if he has no right or reason to be that upset about anything that's happened between them. And if he does, then he didn't have to talk to her, he didn't have to help her, hell, he didn't have to have sex with her.

"I shouldn't have said-"

"But you did." She sighs, her eyes darting behind him, hoping to see a clear path to escape back to the house, which she finds. "Look, we are what we are. Childhood… acquaintances… or whatever. Having sex crossed the line, apparently a very fine line, and now it's made things weird. It was… a mistake… but now we just need to move past it."

"Childhood cquaintances?"

"Harry… come on-"

"No, you 'come on', Cassidy! I'm trying to keep my cool, but you're really testing my patience, because this is so stupid. I don't know why we can't be t-... friends, maybe I'll never know. But… but…" He growls as he stutters and she notices his jaw clenching along with his fist. He takes a deep breath and frowns. "I don't want to fight you on this anymore. I give up. I fold. We both have our own busy lives. So, we'll just go our separate ways and we'll be alright, yeah?"

"Our paths don't even cross anymore. So, yeah, we'll be alright." She responds, a little sarcasm and snark added in there to bite back at him.

She begins to walk around Harry, her heart tight and her head becoming dizzy yet again. But this time it's from emotions.

"I want us to be alright." She hears him whisper, realizing he must have thought she was out of earshot. Then she feels the panic threaten to reappear and quickens the pace of her feet. But as she rounds the corner, she slows down. Despite the words, the confusion, the frustration, she realizes there's also a caring quality she hasn't really thought about with him.

She wants them to be alright too. But they're not. And they are not going to be.

[ present - Dec 2019 ]

'Fine Line' becomes melodic, which signals that it's coming to an end, and Harry blows kisses to the crowd. He looks up to the section where she stands with Gemma and salutes the occupants, making sure to blow a few extra kisses to his sister.

"I need to get going." Cassidy states, her heart beating rapidly.

"Oh, this isn't actually the end. There's an encore." Gemma replies with a smile, leaning in closer in her ear. "He's got some surprises. He's singing 'Juice' by Lizzo."

"Damn it. I love that song. But I do have to go." She replies. "Tomorrow's the last day before the holiday break…"

"Right." Gemma nods and gives her a big hug. She pulls back and looks straight into Cassidy's eyes with a caring yet pleading look. "Are you coming over on Christmas this year?"

"Ummm…" Her eyes quickly flicker over to the stage, no one there to meet her gaze. She hasn't been over to the Styles' house for Christmas since that weird night a few years back. So much has changed since then. Too much to spend time there again, especially a holiday. "I don't know. Probably not, to be honest."

"Okay. I have presents, but I can bring them over another time if someone's okay with waiting…"

Cassidy lets out a little chuckle. Waiting will give her another chance to hang out with her best friend, and a way to avoid any unwanted run-ins with certain others.

"We can wait."

•••

She was expecting to feel a few things last night at Harry's show, she was expecting her boss to assign some sort of piece to write once she found out she had been there, and she was expecting to be quite tired in the morning.

But what Cassidy wasn't expecting was to hear a knock at the front door as she gathers everything to head out of it.

"Shit." She quietly mumbles under her breath, setting down the bags she just had on her shoulders.

She walks over and swings open the door, only to have the wind knocked out of her.

"Harry!" She breathes out. "Ummm… h-hi! What's… what's up?"

He smiles that obnoxious grin, and she realizes it still, after all these years, causes a little tingle in her stomach.

"Hello." He runs his hand through his soft, curly locks. She's able to get a better, closer look at them now. His hair is definitely longer than the previous time she saw him, over two years ago. He's dressed in a hoodie, under a coat, and some sweatpants. A typical and appropriate 'day after a show' outfit for Harry. "I didn't get a chance to say hello, or goodbye, last night."

"Yeah, sorry." She replies, still in shock that he is even standing there, let alone that he had wanted to see and interact with her the night before. "I had to leave early."

"Well, I just… wanted to say thank you for coming."

"Oh." She manages to respond, that inconvenient flustering instantly coming back to her. "You didn't have to come all this way to thank me though."

"Felt better to do it in person." He shrugs, his hands shoved in his pockets, like she's seen him do before, and his gaze occasionally dropping to his feet.

"That's… really nice, Harry. And it was a great show." She admits, giving him a simple smile and receiving one back from him.

A tugging on her coat interrupts the conversation, and Cassidy realizes that in her stunned state, she has forgotten what she was doing, and where she is going.

"M'ready!"

Both Cassidy and Harry's gazes drop down to the toddler standing right beside her.

"I'm sorry, honey. I was just talking to-"

"Hello!" Harry states, crouching down to the eye level of the little girl and putting his hand out to shake hers. "I'm Harry. What's your name?"

"Cece!" She exclaims, a wide grin beaming across her face, and placing her hand into his.

"It's nice to meet you, Cece."

"Y'know Mummy?" She asks, looking between the two adults. Harry looks up to Cassidy, with a mixture of surprise and amusement in his expression, and her chest tightens.

"I do! We are fr-... we've known each other for a very long time."

"Wow!" She replies. "Wanna see Matilda?"

"Who's Matilda?"

"Matilda!" She shouts enthusiastically, running through to the next room and leaving his question unanswered. He lets out a chuckle and stands back up to be face to face with Cassidy.

"Cecelia, we don't have-" She yells back into the house, realizing her attempt to catch her daughter's attention and stop her mission will only fail.

"You're a mum?" Harry asks softly, attracting her gaze again.

"Yeah." She quietly replies.

He crosses one arm around his chest and tugs on his lower lip.

"H-how old is she?"

"She's three." She answers, her heart racing, knowing what he's doing as he stays silent and his brow furrows. He's calculating. "She's… she's not yours."

"Oh." He clears his throat, folding his other arm around his torso and bringing his beautiful green eyes up to meet hers. "F'course."

"I would've told you… if she was."

"Hm." He hums back. "Right, well, I… umm… I will let you get back to things. I just… wanted to thank you for coming last night."

He gives her a small smile, putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, and turning around. He takes a few small steps and something inside Cassidy screams at her to stop him. Why? She has no idea. But she seems to have lost control of herself.

"Harry, wait."

What does she even want to say? She wasn't planning on calling out to him, and now she seems to have lost her logic as he turns around to face her.

"I… umm… it's good to see you." She blurts out.

"You too." He mumbles back.

"Mr. Harry!" Cecilia yells, jogging her little feet to the front door, and stopping there with a sad little pout. "I didn't find Matilda. You didn't meet 'er!"

"That's alright, love." He replies gently, taking a step back towards her, and giving her a big smile. "It was very nice to meet you though!"

"Maybe t'morrow." She responds.

"Oh, umm…"

"Mummy makes peeps on Sat'days!"

"Crepes, honey." Cassidy corrects her. She looks up from her daughter's beaming face to see Harry's wide and expectant expression. "We make crepes on Saturdays."

"Right. Your mummy loves crepes." He tells Cecelia.

"Me too! Me too!" Her daughter bounces up and down. "Mummy, please?"

"Oh. Umm…" Cassidy darts her eyes between her daughter and the man in front of them, unsure how to make the interaction and conversation any less awkward. Cecelia's eyes are so hopeful, and Harry seems to be expressing almost the same emotion. It's almost too much to bear with them unknowingly teaming up.

As her gaze lands and focuses on Harry, she realizes he is staring down at Cecelia with a wide grin, seemingly adoring, and it tugs on her heart so much that she can't hold herself back.

"If he isn't busy…"

His eyes shoot up to her with the most shocked look. The grin he displayed moments ago quickly reappears and he nods.

"I'd love to."

"Yay!" Cecelia squeals. She grabs her little backpack from where her mum had set it down, along with her favourite stuffed animal of the day, and grabs Cassidy's hand. "Okay, Mummy, le's go!"

"Alright, alright." She chuckles. "Grab your water bottle first, yeah?"

She nods, and runs off again, causing Cassidy to shake her head with another chuckle at her daughter's carefree demeanor.

"I don't have to come over. You can tell her I had to work or something." Harry states bluntly, no tension, yet also no confidence, in his tone.

Now it's her turn for a shocked look. She didn't expect any of this to be happening, but for some reason she also didn't expect him to give her an out.

"No, Harry. You're welcome to come."

He pulls his lips inward, like she's seen him do many times before, as he tries to cover up a smile.

"What time should I come by?"

Suddenly, her heart flutters. There it is again. She's charmed for a moment. Her instinct tells her to guard herself, to rescind the offer, and tell him it's best not to come. But she doesn't want to do that to him. No, she doesn't want to do that to her daughter. Her daughter. That's all.

"How about 8am?"

He nods quickly as little trodding of feet can be heard getting closer.

"Sounds great." He bends down. "I'll see you tomorrow morning Cece!"

•••

Cassidy does what she can to keep herself busy, but can't seem to shake the anxiety taking over her as she waits for Harry to arrive. The entire rest of the day before she was in a daze. She couldn't fully focus on her video meeting with the other writers, she barely got any of that work done, and she burned the spaghetti she was making for dinner. Though, Cecelia was more than happy to have chicken nuggets as an alternative.

But this morning it's all clear, and she can fully comprehend what is about to take place. Harry would be there soon. The man who frustrated and annoyed her beyond belief. The man who charmed her then made her out to be a fool. The man who was so persistent on making things way more awkward and complicated than they already were, that man would be there soon. Harry would be in her house. That sacred place she shares with her daughter. He would be there.

"Mummy! The door!" Cecelia yells, snapping her out of all those chaotic thoughts. She walks to the door and opens it up, finding Harry standing there with coffees in hand and a hot chocolate for Cecelia.

"Good morning." He holds up the goodies in his hands. "Hope this is alright…"

"It's… yeah… it's great. Thank you." She steps aside to let him in, her heartbeat thumping in her ears as he steps inside. She leads him to the kitchen where he sets down the drinks.

"She can have hot chocolate, right? I should've asked first, somehow."

"Harry!" Cecelia exclaims as she rushes to his side.

"Hello again." He chuckles, squatting down to her eye level. "How are you?"

"Wanna see Matilda?"

"Now, tell me, who is Matilda?" He asks.

"Our kitty!" She replies.

He looks up at Cassidy as he stands.

"I didn't think you liked cats…" He states, almost inquisitively.

"I liked your mum's cat. I got Matilda after I moved out…" She quickly clears her throat. "...of my parents' house."

He nods and gets pulled by Cecelia down the hallway, giving Cassidy a moment to release the deep breath she didn't know she was holding in.

She turns to her cookware and ingredients, beginning to make the weekend breakfast she is so accustomed to making for two of the three people currently inside her home.

Thankfully, her process is speedy and the crepes are ready within minutes, accompanied with an array of toppings placed along the counter.

"Umm… food is ready…" She states, hearing Harry and Cecelia make their way back to the kitchen.

"...an' I had a brown bunny, but I los' it." She hears her daughter sadly state, seeing her head down as she still holds onto Harry's hand with her little fingers.

"That's terrible." He replies, looking at her with as much compassion as he did when he saw Cassidy in her panicked state, long ago.

"Yeah." She replies, looking up at the counter and licking her lips. "Peeps!"

He chuckles at her sudden turnaround, and squeezes her hand before grabbing a plate.

"Here Cece, take this plate and sit on your chair, please." Cassidy says, motioning her daughter over to the small kitchen table, usually only hosting the two of them.

"I think I met all of her stuffed animals today." Harry states as he places a crepe on his own plate.

"She's…" Cassidy begins, not exactly knowing how to describe her daughter, especially to him.

"She's… adorable." Harry finishes for her, giving her a quick glance and a subtle smile before making his way to the table.

Cassidy takes a moment longer to grab her own food, taking peeks at the two at the table, who anyone would think have known each other for all three of Cecelia's years of life. She is talking his ear off and he is giving her as much attention, if not more, as he gives anyone else he is in conversation with. Admittedly, one of his good qualities, maybe his only one.

•••

Through all the surprisingly casual conversations, a few sessions of Cecelia persuading Harry to color with her, and a cup of tea, she doesn't realize how long Harry's been there until she sees Cecelia yawn and looks at the clock.

"Oh! Cece, it's naptime, honey." She states, hurriedly standing up from the sofa they had made their way to.

"Mummy, no… I don' need a nap…" Cecelia drags out, though the rubbing of her eyes betrays her statement.

"I think you do." Cassidy smiles.

"I wanna stay up!" She argues, looking sleepily towards Harry, as if trying to convince him to be on her side.

"Naps are great! Might need to take one myself when I get home." He smiles at her, pushing himself off the couch to encourage her to do the same. "But I had loads of fun today! Thank you for inviting me!"

"Y'welcome."

He kneels down to shake her hand, but she throws herself, with outstretched arms, into his chest and he instantly wraps his own around her.

She pulls away and reaches for her mum's hand, giving Harry a little wave.

"Buh-bye Harry." She mumbles.

"Goodbye Cece." He replies.

"I'll… umm… I'll just be a few minutes. Sorry." Cassidy states before walking down the hallway.

"No problem."

•••

After quite a few questions from Cecelia, typical toddler stuff, and an attempted negotiation to avoid naptime, she finally falls asleep and Cassidy is free to leave her bedroom.

She walks back to the sofa to see Harry typing on his phone.

"Sorry about that." She expresses, suddenly very aware that it is just the two of them in the room, the atmosphere a lot less giggly and a lot more awkward. At least on her part.

"You don't have to apologize for taking care of your daughter." He reassures her.

"Thank you… for entertaining her. She's definitely a little fireball, that one."

"Just like her mum." Harry quietly chuckles, a tiny smirk slyly appearing on one side of his mouth, with a dimple just barely popping through.

"What?" Cassidy's mouth drops open in faux offense and disbelief.

"Hm. Okay. I would think Cece would be the one who plays pretend…" His smirk deepens and Cassidy finds herself becoming heated with a blush in her cheeks.

A silence falls between them, standing several feet apart, both fidgeting with the fingernails.

"Well, I-" They both state, letting out short laughs at the simultaneous statement.

"I… have to get going. Jeff, my manager, just called me. Gotta get this meeting in before the holidays." Harry states, crossing his arms over his chest. To her, he almost looks as if he's holding himself back from leaving.

"Oh. Right! Of course you're busy." Of course he is, he's Harry Styles. The one she didn't want to complicate things with those few years ago. The one who can, and probably still does, have any girl, anywhere, anytime. The one who said he wished she and Gemma never met, so that he could avoid the uncomfortable situation they had found themselves in.

Why did she let him come over? How did he manage to charm his way into her home and completely change her attitude towards him from the night before?

"But thank you, so much, for… inviting me over. And the crepes. I had a nice time with you. You two. Like, you and Cece." He huffs, running his ringed fingers through his hair.

She allowed herself the slightest moment to acknowledge how cute he looks, how annoyingly cute and sexy he looks at the same time. Things work out too well in his favor and it's really unfair. She hates it. There's a few reasons she does.

"Thank you. For coming over. Cece had a great time." She replies, feeling a lump form in her throat.

"Oh." He sighs, suddenly and slowly moving his way to the front door. "I'm glad."

She follows Harry to the door, her mind racing and feeling her emotions being ripped in two different directions. Everything she has felt towards him so far, with the exception of those two sinfully delicious nights, has been of a negative connotation. All the way up and through the show last night. But this time spent together this morning, watching him be sweet with her daughter, has her feeling so unsure. Of anything. Well, she can be certain that she hates uncertainty. Maybe a little more than she hates Harry. Hated Harry?

"Harry." She finds herself blurting out, right as his hand grasps the door handle, and his head twists to look in her direction. "Ummm… would you… be willing to do, like, one more little interview before the holidays?"

"What?" He asks, his full body turning towards her now. This time, they aren't too far apart, and she can pick up the distinct scent of his cologne. It's still the same. Dark and sultry.

"I know it's a lot to ask…" She mumbles, suddenly feeling a flash of heat come over her, and sweat threatening to run down her neck as she feels the faintest touch of his breath graze her face. "But… my boss knows I went to your show, and wants me to write about it. Well, I just thought maybe-"

"You could get a couple of quotes in?" He finishes her sentence.

She winces, embarrassment flooding over her, not only because she just asked Harry for an interview, but also because she just asked him to help her with her job. Not that she needs the help. So why did she just ask? Nevertheless, it's awkward and rude and he will reject it.

"Sure." He agrees, shocking her to the point of forgetting how to move. She exhales with no sign of an inhale following. Her eyes grow wide and refuse to blink. Her jaw drops open and remains slack as she just stares.

"What?" He chuckles.

Finally some function returns to her and everything resets to normal. She blinks to clear the daze she was in and shakes her head.

"I didn't think you'd agree to it."

"Why not? There's not much I wouldn't do for-... a friend-... well, a childhood acquaintance, I s'pose."

"Right. Yeah. That would be great." She replies, the haziness of surprise still looming over her. "Here. Enter your number and we can coordinate something."

She hands him her phone and her heart stops when he doesn't immediately take it, but rather stares at it instead.

"Oh, shit." She exclaims, slightly dropping her arm down, device still in hand. "You probably don't want your personal phone number out there in the world, with some random journalist-"

"Give it." He states, reaching out to grab the phone from her, and adding his contact information. "You're not someone random, Cass. And you're not just some journalist."

He hands the phone back and meets her gaze. His own expression is one of stern sincerity, which utterly throws her off.

"I sent a text to myself so I have yours, just so I know you're not 'some random journalist'. Hope that's alright." He smirks, his usual, deeply indented, dimpled smirk.

"Yes." She nods. He returns the gesture and opens the door.

"I'll talk to you soon then." He smiles, lingering for a moment longer than necessary, and she swears his eyes flicker down to her lips in the swiftest of motions. "Bye, Cass."

"Bye, Harry." She replies. As he walks away, she closes the door and frowns in confusion. From herself.

Why did she ask to do that? She didn't need an interview with him. Granted, yes, it'll make her article that much more impressive but she would have done a good job on it either way. It's not as if it would be lacking. And why did she get so flustered? Better yet, why did she let him get her that way, again, even after all this time? It's like some magical hypnotizing power that he has. She never wanted to think, or admit, it was there and that it would work on her but it has. And clearly still does.

She needs boundaries. She can't be that girl, definitely not now, definitely not since she has Cece. She needs boundaries. It's all professional. She can get the quotes, write the article, then he will fly off to his next big adventure and her life can go back to normal.

No hookups. No feelings. No complications.

Her phone vibrates in her hand and she opens up her messages when she sees the notification.

🗨️ Harry: good xx

She frowns in confusion at his text, not understanding what he might be responding to until she reads the message he sent to himself from her phone: 'I had a nice time too'

🗨️ Cassidy: you twerp

She rolls her eyes and smiles to herself, immediately letting her thumbs take over.

🗨️ Cassidy: fine… i did. i had a nice time too

If you like what I post, and want to just send some extra support, I have a ko-fi account. Even the smallest amount is greatly appreciated. There is no obligation or expectation to donate, because I am honestly just so grateful that you're here! 💗 Bee xx

Series Masterlist

•••

•••

Overall Taglist: @watermelonsugacry @tw1nflamebruis3 @hopefulwastelandcreation @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @queenmadi2 @runway-to-my-aid @theekyliepage @be-yourss @harryistheonlyoneforme @b-reads-things @behindmygreyeyes @michellekstyles @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @buckybarnessimpp @little-freak-satellite @msolbesg @sleutherclaw @katiebaxterrrrrr @percysaidnever @thatbitch2828 @mrspeacem1nusone @thurhomish @sushiabby @harrystylesrecs @vickiii17 @itsbebeyyy @divalovesyou @bxbyysstuff @jessitpwk @sunshinemoonsposts @theroosterswife24 @boybands-baseball @austynparksandpizza @missmielyhoran @harryspirate @qualitygiantshoepsychic @tiaamberxx @matildasatellite @fool4him @cherryshouse @yatebe-kohayu @perfectzinenerdperson @babyiamperfectforyou @daphnesutton @around1302 @daydreamingofmatilda @swiftmendeshoran

[ooihcnoiwlerh]

I Wrote Another Thing!

For people who follow Some Things Are Meant to Be on AO3 first of all, I am so, so sorry for how slowly I've been updating. Life has hit me pretty hard and on top of that I have writer's block on how I want to continue the main story.

Second, I have been working on a companion piece that is a prequel written from both Elvis and the reader's perspectives as they navigate the lives they lead before they finally meet in early 1973. The first chapter is up on AO3 now and I can link it here:

Before You - ooihcnoiwlerh - Elvis (Movie 2022) [Archive of Our Own]

I've also fallen into the rabbit hole of Pinterest boards and have made one for the first chapter that I'll link here: (1) Pinterest.

For those who want sneak preview, I'll post tidbits below the cut:

People like to say that you're too big for your britches.  People see a scrappy kid in her sister's secondhand hand-me-downs and think it's sometimes cute and funny, sometimes exasperating how stubborn and competitive you can be.  It gets you in trouble early on; grown ups and other kids alike quick to remind you of your place.

You never listen for long.

You have a few early memories of your mother taking you into work with her a couple of times a week because you’re too young for school like your older siblings and she tells you to not bother anyone or cause a scene while she rolls out and laminates dough and makes and pipes filling.

You don’t bother anyone or cause a scene as far as you’re concerned, but you quickly lose interest in seeing your mother at work and wander off briefly which results in a thorough spanking.  You don’t get why it’s so wrong for you to want to see new places or leave your little bubble, especially when no one seems to have time for you anyway.

All things considered, it could be worse.  The two-bedroom, one-bathroom row house with paper thin walls, warped floors, and occasional faulty wiring is better than no home at all and your parents know how to shop and cook economically enough to make a grocery budget stretched to its limit feel like plenty.  It’s also not like the kids at your school have it much better and can mock you for being poor when a good chunk of them are too.  While you doubt you’ll ever develop the same love for cooking as your parents, you do like being “the little helper” in the kitchen when your siblings outgrow that title (even if your mother has more than one use for a wooden spoon that can put the fear of God in you if you cross her.)  A few of your classmates and neighborhood kids make fun of you but you still make at least a few friends.   And while they find you annoying, your older siblings still love you, even if that love sometimes feels like that baffled fondness one feels for a yappy terrier trying to sidle up to a Rottweiler.  

And for nearly as long as you can remember you love movies and big billboards with people whose names you’ve never heard splashed across them.  You coax whichever older sibling is most likely to give in to take you to all the movies and disappear, for the brief time you’re watching the screen.  You’re not little Y/F/N Y/L/N, the tagalong youngest of four with nothing to your name and no one to listen to you; you’re whoever you want to be, sharing in the adventures you see in each movie.  And someday you’ll be in those movies, and be that person for another lonely and frustrated child who wants to escape.

At first you decide you want to be an actress.  After all, for a child there’s little else you really understand that goes into making a movie.

“That’s what I’m gonna do,” you announce to your parents and of course they think you're being ridiculous.  They also can't afford to fund your little fantasy even if they wanted to.

But there are school plays and musicals you try out for and get into.  You find that you have a perfectly fine singing voice and an aptitude for matching pitch.  It doesn't take you too long to learn choreography or lines.

It's fun, and you get the impression that you have some moderate talent for it.

But you start to realize that you’re not amazing.  You’re not sure why some part of you was hoping you’d be some kind of prodigy, but you’re definitely not.  And that’s fine; it’s been said that success is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration, but you also don’t love it.  You don’t feel the same thrill that you hear real actors do onstage.  You don’t transform into your character or become this larger-than-life persona like the stars and starlets you see onscreen.  You’re still little Y/F/N Y/L/N, just in grease paint and a costume giving a “solid, even charming” performance.

Funny thing, you don’t then lose interest or decide that show business isn’t for you, after all when you come to that realization.  You just wonder what it is you should be doing if not acting.

You’re not that interested in lighting or set building.  The technical aspects of filmmaking interest you to some extent, but what fascinates you is how it all comes together.

"Maybe directing, then?” a friend who still humors you tells you after rehearsal and before you have to go home.

“Maybe.”  The next time you go to the movies, you pay attention to the credits and all the different job titles.  You’ve matured enough to understand a lot more goes into making a movie than the people onscreen and so mentally pick through and notice “A Cecil B. DeMille Production” and “Produced and Directed by Cecil B. DeMille.”

What does a producer do, exactly? you wonder, and after a bit of digging you find out.  A producer oversees the entire picture as a whole and promotes it so that audiences actually come to see it.  They're the ones pushing them during awards season.  And that…sounds perfect.  You help bring the entire thing together, as it were, and you realize that was what you wanted all along.

"I think you stand a better shot at being an actress," people tell you when you explain your new career plans.

It's a man's world, of course.  And men entirely different from any that you've met.  And yet, somehow, it never really occurs to you that your dreams are impossible.  

You never stop believing that you'll be able to do anything you put your mind to.  At times that belief is all you really have.

...........................

Everything changes again one night right when Elvis is twenty, when they get the chance to perform for KWKH station’s Louisiana Hayride. 

It’s certainly the largest crowd they’ve played so far, the farthest they’ve ventured out.  It’s the first time anyone’s going to record them live, and that’s the part that terrifies him the most.  He pictures himself freezing, forgetting all the lyrics, and who knows, maybe simultaneously throwing up and pissing himself onstage before being booed into oblivion.  Scotty and Bill try to talk him down.  Dixie, sweet Dixie, who’s two years his junior and who he’s pretty sure he’s going to propose to after the end of her senior year, offers him a soda that he can’t drink because his stomach’s already foaming like it has rabies.

Twenty-six different states all listening in.  It’s too much.  He gets the sweats and the shakes performing in front of tiny crowds at clubs for almost zero money.

“What if I forget the words on live radio?” he asks.

He calms down enough, encircled by Scotty and Bill, by Dixie, by his parents, to steel his resolve once they’re called to the stage.

He’s still shaking like a leaf, feeling nauseous and sweaty as he barely registers Lorace Hogan’s words as he introduces himself and isn’t entirely sure what’s spilling out of his mouth as he tries to thank everyone and introduce the song and then…silence.  Elvis can sense Bill and Scotty getting nervous behind him as he can’t quite get the sound out, as he freezes.  A guy around his age in the audience calls him a fairy and tells him to get a haircut.

And while, for some reason, he was terrified of this very thing, the sudden noise is what spurs him on.  It shocks him into clarity.  That’s the worst of it, then: some stranger spouting nothing he hasn’t already heard before.  He can just move on and do the song.  He takes a deep breath, and he lets loose.

It’s a fun song; Elvis likes the bouncy rhythm of it and playful tone and finds it comfortable in his range.  He thinks that he and the guys play it pretty well.

What he doesn’t expect is for the amount of girls and women in the audience to start screaming; it starts out as a few giving little shrieks, jumping in their seats, but then the number grows, and he’s not sure why.

At the instrumental break he turns to Bill and Scotty for some explanation and the answer is, “The wiggle!  Them girls wanna see you wiggle!  Move, man!  More!  Much more!”

Funny; he hadn’t been fully aware of the fact that he was wiggling.  But these girls sure seem to like it.  So he keeps moving, keeps feeling the music and lets it take over.  The screams, the near-hysteria from the audience keep him going like they’re fuel and he’s a pink Cadillac and for a couple of minutes he’s never felt more powerful.  As one final gesture he reaches out into the audience, and they nearly pull him off the stage, tearing his jacket off of him.

And he leaves the stage, stunned, like he’s just had an out of body experience.

That was real.  That was all real; the show, and the audience’s reaction to it.  To him.  To some extent he’d known that the audiences enjoyed him, that for the last few years anyway that some girls liked him, but he’s never felt their reaction so deeply before.

He knows, in this moment, he’ll never be the same.

.........................

Elvis promises both Mama and Dixie that he hasn’t gotten to any foolin around on the road and so far he’s managed to keep his promise.  It’s not easy, granted. A lot of pretty girls would love to be in his hotel room where he stays, alone.  It’s funny; while he started dating back in high school, he’s never felt so deeply wanted until now.  

It’s an intoxicating feeling, like one night when he was younger and tried drinking peach brandy.  So at first he reminds himself of the morning after trying the peach brandy when he spent the majority of it throwing up and swearing to God above that he’d never touch the stuff again.  He flirts with the audience, tries to hide how flustered he feels to see so many girls throw their unmentionables onstage when he performs, and stops there.

It comes to a head, albeit not literally, when a woman his age, perhaps a little older, invites herself into his hotel room without a word.  He recognizes her from earlier, when she’d asked for his autograph after the concert.  She’d said her name was Natalie and he’d noticed even then the raw sex appeal she’d exuded, how she’d seemed interested in him but not in the breathless, star-struck way the other girls were.  More like he was a fun new toy she wanted to play with.  It had thrown him off guard but he’d almost been able to forget, until now.

His resistance has been falling each night.  He knows that he could easily ask this woman to leave.  Instead he turns his head to watch her sashay past him.  He takes in the sight of her supple curves shown off to almost dizzying effect in her tight little dress and she smirks over her shoulder, aware of how he's watching her as she drops her purse on the edge of the bed.  One that Elvis had been getting ready to retire to; he’s taken his shoes and socks off and had been working on his shirt before opening the door.  He stares, dumbfounded at her confidence and the way this woman’s skirt hugs her hips and backside.

He knows that he's on the verge of something new once more, that if he keeps going there's no returning to who he was before.

He shuts the door and turns to face her.  His heart pounds, he feels flushed and hot, his nerves on fire.

He could easily ask her to leave.  He should.  He should tell her that there’s some misunderstanding, that he’s flattered but he has a girl back home who’d be crushed if he fooled around with someone else.  He wouldn’t have to tell this woman that he’s never actually fooled around with his girlfriend, either.

“I haven’t done as much as you probably think,” he says instead.

......................

Ma sent you and your brother out for one last errand before the shops shut and you glance past the TVs in the home appliances store.  Your family may have moved into a nicer rowhouse with an extra bedroom and bathroom, but a television set is not a luxury your parents see any reason to throw away money on.

You’re glad, then, that you’ve been sent out this particular night because the image you see stops you dead in your tracks.

You know who this man is–you’ve heard his voice on the radio recently, the deep crooning and vivacious mix of rhythm and blues with country.  You’ve seen pictures that left you stunned at his combination of masculinity and almost ethereal beauty.  But you’ve never seen actual footage of him moving until now.

Fully dressed and before an audience he moves with untamed energy, rocking his hips in a way that just looks so primal that you can hardly believe it’s real.

It feels like you shouldn’t be allowed to see this.  Technically, he’s not doing anything wrong; it’s not like his thing is actually out for you to look at.  It’s not like he’s actually–well–you blush, watching as his hips go between undulating like the rolling tide and bouncing frenetically.  You let out an involuntary gasp, face flushing.  

While your eyes travel everywhere, noting his pretty face and plush lips, his long hair, you keep looking at, well, the area in between his legs you know is forbidden until marriage.  The part of him that you have only the vaguest knowledge of and have been told is meant for making babies only, just like your flower that's been bleeding every month for two years now.  You know the mechanics, and think about them sometimes with a detached sort of curiosity but no particular real desire.  

In between your own legs you throb, feeling hot.  You can't move, can't look away.  You've never seen anything quite like this.  Never felt quite like this or so deeply.  Once again you forget how long you’re standing there and staring at the vision before you.

“Y/N, what’re you looking at?  We need to–” your brother sees the monitor, looks at you, and rolls his eyes as he shakes his head.  “Oh, for–you can drool over that guy later.  Come on."

You immediately bristle, ashamed and almost afraid.  Is it really so obvious that you were thinking such indecent thoughts?  

"Oh, screw you!" you tell him, flushed now from embarrassment.

Your brother feigns an offended gasp.  "She's cursing now!  What next?" He reaches for your arm to tug you away and you pull away.

“I’m not a child!” you tell him, and he rolls his eyes. 

"Remember this conversation in four years.  Now come on."

Your brother doesn't bring it up later.  He could easily tease you about it in front of your sister and parents and a few years ago probably would've.  You're grateful; since you're the youngest and the only one who hasn't dated at all yet, and your parents hate the mere suggestion of that changing anytime soon.  But they also want you to get married.  If you had the gall to sass them, you’d ask if they knew you’d have to eventually date to marry.

That night you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what you saw.

You feel wet, but not like you're about to pee.  You squirm as you think about how you’ve heard whispers of people taking care of their…urges…alone.  And you keep thinking about it as you desperately want something to rock against, to rub against the ache between your legs.

You can't.  You mustn't.  You shouldn't.

Although if your sister wasn't sleeping just a few feet away, you probably would at least try, even if you wouldn’t have any clue what you’re doing.

You give a small whine through closed lips and throw yourself onto your side, flopping around in bed like a fish out of water.    

You groan, embarrassed, and after a moment fish out the magazine you’ve kept hidden under a book in your nightstand along with your flashlight.  You silently apologize to your older sister as you pull the covers up and turn on the flashlight.  You catalog everything you see, every detail.

You wonder what he looks like under those baggy suits.  You know enough of the basics of a man's anatomy but wonder, still.  He's slender but not too thin.  Would his…his thing match that or be thick like a…a Coke can?  Is that even possible?  You've heard that he's six feet tall.  Would that mean he'd be long?  You're not sure what "long" would even look like.  You haven't been so bold as to ask your sister (who you know for a fact has gone all the way already with her fiance and that's part of why they're engaged now) nor any of her friends.  Right now you wish you had, so you have a better frame of reference.  You wonder how it would feel nestled within you.  

You've never even been kissed and already you're thinking about far more than that.  It's safe to imagine, though, that he's a wonderful kisser.  With those soft-looking full lips he can probably do a lot; you're not sure exactly what, but your body seems to understand things your brain hasn't learned yet.

You end up falling asleep with your flashlight in your hand and the magazine pressed against your cheek.

.......................................

The Colonel asks him what he’s going to sing tonight.

“I’ve made no decision,” Elvis says, not in any particular mood to pretend that he’s happy with the Colonel right now.  “I’ll feel it.”

The cop smirks and cheerfully tells him it will all go fine, “just so long as you don’t wiggle a finger!”

And that does it.  Something snaps within him, even as he sits still and quiet, face still impassive as he gazes out the window at the massive crowd that’s formed.   A crowd of people who are there for him because they responded to who he actually is, not the neutered parody of himself that Steve Allen and the Colonel have been trotting him out as.

I’m here for them, not for any of the people who want to hold me back.

As he’s being announced, as he and his guys start to ascend the stage, the Colonel grabs Elvis’s arm.

“All you gotta do is sing the nice song, smile the nice smile, no wiggling, and then we can get back to show business!  And have fun, my boy!  Fun!” he says, either not noticing or not caring about the coiled tension in Elvis’s body, the way Elvis doesn’t respond.  A little over two years ago Elvis thought the Colonel had all the answers to questions he never even thought to ask.  He thought the Colonel understood him better than anyone else in show business possibly could.  Right now he’s not so sure.

What he is sure of is that something needs to change, and he’s going to be the one to do it.

Now.

He knows for a fact the cop who drove him here is in attendance, watching and seething as Elvis points one pinky in the air, and that knowledge makes him smirk.  For a moment he feels like a prowling lion, ready for the attack.  

“Trouble,” he instructs the band.

“I’m gonna show you what the real Elvis is like tonight!” he cries out to the audience.

‘Fuck you,’ he thinks, the moment the first chord hits.

‘Fuck you,’ he thinks, as he begins with, “If you’re lookin for trouble, you came to the right place.”

He won’t lie down, he won’t give in.  He doesn’t give a shit that there’s a segregationist rally nearby and in fact he hopes he ruins the rally because fuck them, too. He doesn’t want their approval.  Elvis gyrates and writhes and screams and doesn’t give a single flying fuck what trouble he’s really causing because for the first time in months he truly feels alive.  

[mythsandheather]

I've been pretty curious about the LO Critical side. I'm asking genuinely but what are the reasons why LO has such a strong anti Fandom.

Do people not like it? I was curious because it seems like a lot of lo critical/anti lo blogs seem to enjoy certain aspects and characters. Is it the author people don't enjoy?

Like I said I'm really being genuine. I think people have the right to have like their own critical space for a free webcomic. It's just interesting because it's like. This Fandom has a second Fandom of people who seem to hate the comic.

The anti community for any fandom is sure to be a complex place that’s usually, in my experience, more built on pain and disappointment than anything else. Pain because something important to you no longer provides comfort, maybe even perpetrates harmful themes for your own personal experiences, and disappointment because this is something you used to love and you wish could be better.

There’s two parts of the anti community for LO. There’s one part that, as you said, still holds some affection for the series, for memories attached to it and for some characters. There’s also another part that, again as you said, straight up just hate it.

I’ll briefly touch on the first part. They can see so clearly how LO could be infinitely better and that’s frustrating. They can see all the flaws they didn’t notice or didn’t want to see before and are exasperated by why it’s allowed to continue this way. Let���s not forget that a significant number of LO’s critics are people who were young teens and read it in their formative years without realising what they were being so carelessly exposed to.

With that realisation, there’s a level of anger and horror at learning what was put in front of them, marketed as safe and heavily promoted at every turn, and it’s only gotten worse over time. That must be an absolutely gut-wrenching thing to feel over something you loved once.

So in that sense, you’re correct; a big part of the anger comes down to Rachel herself and her choices.

Then there’s the other part of the anti fandom, the part that just out and out hates it and always has. This is where yours truly fits in.

Now, I was super active on tumblr during 2014-2017, when fandoms like Steven Universe, FNAF and Undertale were at their peak. I had to learn, trial by fire, how to be real critical of any media I consumed. There is certainly a downside to this, I tend to see the negatives of anything I enjoy first and then find positives later. The upside is it’s certainly been one helluva way to improve my media literacy and spot the bs from a mile away.

A lot of people don’t believe when I say I got skeevy, uncomfortable, gross vibes from LO from chapter one, but I did. I don’t know what it was, but it set me off so bad that I couldn’t get past “her butt is shaped like a heart” and never read it again.

Now I’m willing to admit that this part of the fandom, like me, are the way we are because we were never the target demographic for LO.

Therefore, when it came out and got popular, we were the ones who were absolutely baffled and the ones who got dog piled and called every name under the sun by fans for a long time…that is, of course, until a lot of those fans grew up, realised what they were reading and turned on the series.

As I said, the critical side of any fandom is complicated and this is just my two cents.

I could do a much longer post about how fucking angry I am at Rachel personally for the fact she’s from my country, a country who constantly gets ignored, and given this amazing chance that so many of us wish we could have, yet chose to peddle her self insert x celebrity crush jailbait fantasy.

I could talk all day about how physically sickened I am that she’s taken so many aspects of trauma experiences by myself and millions of others and used it as ignorant, glamourised, fetishised shock-material.

I could go on at length about what a racist, misogynistic, homophobic piece of baggage she is and how she’s permanently done damage to another culture while completely misrepresenting ours…but I won’t.

I’ll just draw more mean art of Persephone’s giant lips and Hades accidentally letting the air out of them with his mosquito nose instead.

What’s Rachel going to do? Draw a goofy, technicolor caricature of me in her comic that’ll blend into the background, be only half finished and look like a recoloured Persephone in her otherwise pristine and totally professional looking masterpiece that’s definitely not losing readers? Oh wait—

[icaruskey]

I know you're sick right now so feel free to not answer or wait to answer but you were one of the first people I saw actually critiquing Serano and a podcast I really like, It Could Happen Here, just released an episode that has her on as a guest and like... I mean it's great to give trans women a platform to speak on and she's talking about the latest edition of her book (according to the summary) but I also don't think I can bring myself to listen to it because I'm going to be afraid about how they talk about trans mascs the entire time

Like that podcast has a couple trans hosts and neither are trans masc which is fine, but then the vast majority of their trans focused episodes don't have trans masc guests and disheartening to see this as a pattern in a podcast I otherwise enjoy (I mean I don't listen to every ep because they release every weekday and that's So Much but I love the ones I listen to)

So yeah little vent to your blog I guess

I've been actually meaning to scroll through their trans episodes and check out the guests and see how many trans mascs they've actually had on (not that they only have trans guests on trans episodes but that's the easiest place to look)

I hate complaining about trans mascs being invisible every time they have a trans fem on because there shouldn't be *fewer* trans fem guests just *more* trans masc guests

I think I made myself sick from eating decent food for once :') So I should be okay in the long run, just. WTF body I thought you wanted probiotics and vegetables.

I still am just :/ on Serano. I'm glad people are pushing back against the talk around transandrophobia not being necessary as a word by citing her own writing, but from reading her current writings online it feels like she hasn't substantially changed on her underlying feelings about trans masculine people that I've seen thus far in Whipping Girl.

This still isn't touching on her racism. I'm still baffled she used a text written by a white man to talk about Navajo/Diné gender identities.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable, and I get the frustration of masc, nonbinary, intersex, and nonwhite voices remaining off the table. I don't want to say erased so much as not platformed? There's a but somewhere. Needing to understand and keep from falling into an echo chamber and try to see the good and/or humanity

idk this went downhill fast. I'm probably gonna give it a listen when I have brain cells again. So... post graduation? :''''

[lunas-otome-blog]

Luna's Review: Café Enchanté

Official Summary:

When Kotone inherits her grandfather’s Tokyo café, she discovers the shop holds more secrets than anyone could imagine.

The café is a meeting spot for beings from multiple, mystical worlds. You’ll meet the king of demons, a humanoid beast, a fallen angel, and more.

And when government agents monitoring non-human activities show up at your door, your new café is about to become a lot more colorful.

.

(Spoiler Free) Luna's Thoughts:

(Just as a reminder, I'm writing this for myself to keep track of my thoughts and leave a record of the games I've played. Others are welcome to read and feel free to provide your own thoughts, but please, no hate! They're just my opinions, nothing more.)

I was excited for this game. The premise sounded amazing: a cute cafe full of magical beings from other worlds? Sign me up! I love the colorful cast of characters, and the art is undoubtedly gorgeous.

But, while I enjoyed elements of this game, the setting falls apart almost immediately, and has very little to do with any of the routes, with the exception of the true end. The whole game is actually incredibly dark, complete with bloodshed and death in every route, which is normally not a bad thing, but it feels a bit misleading here.

You're told almost at once that the cafe is somehow sustained on payments from only a handful of romanceable characters, none of which use human currency or seem to have jobs that would involve payment, with the exception of the one human bachelor Rindo. This is nitpicky, I know, but I found it frustrating because it would have been so easy to write a way around this.

Let me be clear that I don't necessarily mind a game with a ridiculous premise. I love Mystic Messenger, and the entire game hinges on the fact that you have moved into a stranger's apartment and have somehow remotely taken on party planning for a charity group of people you haven't met. But the thing about Mystic Messenger is that the ridiculousness is upfront, right at the beginning, and once you get past it and accept the game for what it is, you can enjoy it.

This is not so with Cafe Enchante. There are many times in this game where just a little more thought could have made things make more sense. To me, the whole game was plagued with sloppy writing and baffling plot details that could have easily been avoided or explained in a different way — not to mention the litany of literal editing errors. It's also not translated very well in places — or maybe it is, and just written poorly in its original Japanese. Either way, it reads awkwardly a lot of the time

Overall, I was not impressed with this game. It just goes to show that pretty artwork and a fun initial premise do not necessarily make a good product.

Below are my thoughts on each route in the order I played them.

.

(SPOILERS BEGIN HERE)

Ignis Carbunculus Route

This is the route I got first, without trying. I actually did not want to get Ignis first, because I figured he was the tsundere character in this game, and I like to do those a bit later. He's actually not particularly tsundere at all, just hypermasculine and therefore not great at expressing emotions other than rage.

This is one of the darkest and, in my opinion, one of the laziest-written routes in the game. You're expected to believe that Ignis went on a rage, literally killed and ate many of his own people, including his family, forgot about it and then just continues on with his life, only to be conveniently reminded of his dark past at the right moment to advance the game. And the rest of his clan has been tolerating him because they're afraid of him, and for whatever reason, Ignis has never noticed everyone hates or fears him??

Ignis is also the only member of his species who can eat. The rest don't need to because they're born with all the calories they need for the rest of their lives apparently, meaning the beasts of the literal beast world don't kill each other for food, just sport. And oh, yeah, that's somehow also Ignis' fault.

I felt like this route could have been simplified in a way that made more sense. Instead, the writers had a vision and manipulated many small details to make the rest of the game work within that vision, resulting in a lot of strange decisions.

I'm aware this game isn't meant to be realistic, but Ignis' whole plotline seemed very contrived. It's like they had something written already but realized certain elements weren't congruent with other aspects of the game, so they just...manipulated elements of Ignis' route until it kind of fit.

Overall, I think Ignis' route was my least favorite. It felt the most rushed, the least polished, and assumed a lot of things conveniently went unnoticed for years in Ignis' life. There was just too much coincidence in this route for me.

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(SPOILERS)

Il Fado de Rie Route

This was the second route I played, and overall my favorite route. It felt the most cohesive out of all the characters, and it was the longest aside from the true end.

That doesn't mean I don't have my gripes with it. My biggest one is that Il, who has apparently based his entire personality, including his name, on an otome game character, makes the baffling decision to tell Kotone about the game and literally recommend she try that character's route first, only to immediately regret it when he realizes she's going to notice something is off.

Like, I could understand it if the personalities were just similar, but he took the name, too. I cannot believe he would be so stupid as to forget the game that he stole his persona and name from and then just freely give away that information. What pisses me off so much is that Kotone could have so easily encountered this information on her own. Have her buy the game independently to surprise Il, and then discover the overlap herself. Why on earth would he just give her that information? It's lazy writing.

I did really enjoy how angels are basically human androids and god is a supercomputer. That was rad as hell and is a brilliant explanation for why angel magic is math based. I'd say this route has the best worldbuilding, including the gorgeous pretty-boy side characters.

I don't feel completely satisfied with how Il's route was resolved, as there's still some question to how much of his personality is his own, but ultimately it was the most solid route in the game. I didn't think I would like Il as I don't particularly enjoy his character archetype, but in the end I was pretty attached to him. His characterization in the true end route was adorable as well, and I adore his friendship with Misyr.

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(SPOILERS)

Kaoru Rindo Route

Rindo was my second favorite route in the game. I think it's super funny that Kotone keeps talking about their age gap even though he's the second youngest character in the game at 42 years old.

His route is also (to my knowledge) the only route that lets you just straight up kill the person you're trying to romance, although it does dead end the game if you make the choice not to save him when you can.

The worst part of this route for me what the treatment of Rindo's sister, Shizuku. She doesn't get a proper sprite in her human form, so you have no idea what she looked like, and it makes it kind of hard to feel anything for her. I did like the utter horror of watching Mikado feed her with his blood with no explanation.

This is one of the darkest routes and the only one where a side character with a sprite actually dies. And when he does, you feel bad for him because he was just trying to protect the woman he loves.

It did feel a little predictable to have Rindo become non-human after oodles of conversations about whether or not humans and non-humans can have relationships. Honestly the game writers are cowards for not making Rindo look more extreme as a non-human. Make him a freak!!

I do appreciate that he remains non-human at the end, though. I feel like forcing him to become human again would have eliminated any of the growth he made during the route.

Personality-wise, Rindo is one of the cuter characters IMO. He's flirty but as soon as things get serious he backs off. Super adorable!

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(SPOILERS)

Canus Espada Route

This route was...ok. Just ok.

Honestly, I was bored through most of it. I can't really say why. It just didn't appeal to me that much.

Right at the beginning it annoyed me by assigning a gender to Vennia. Like, he could have just been left nonbinary. It's canon in this game that fairies don't have genders anyway, so it would have been fine to continue using they/them pronouns. I guess otome games haven't gone that way yet but it would have been nice.

I did like Vennia's relationship with Titania, and in the end, when he betrays Kotone, it felt natural. You can't hate him because you know he just wants to protect his sister.

I thought maybe his headlessness would be plot relevant but on the contrary, we get literally no explanation for why he's headless and nobody else is. I get that they wanted to make him an interesting character, but we know his ancestor was not headless, so why is he? Aren't there other dullahans in Medio?

I do think it's hilarious that we don't ever get to see his face. The implication is that he does in fact have one, so I had predicted it would be revealed as part of his route, but they stuck to their guns and kept him headless throughout the entire route.

Idk why I wasn't impressed with this route. Worldbuilding-wise it was one of the more solid storylines. It just wasn't particularly shocking or interesting to me, so I didn't love it, but I suppose I didn't hate it either.

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(SPOILERS)

Misyr Rex Route

This route was, quite frankly, absolutely ridiculous. This was the most obvious case of having an overall idea and not having the skills to execute it well.

So many things happened just because Misyr willed it to. For example, he gains magic powers and a semi-human form simply because he wanted to visit a four-year-old on earth? How does that even happen? This is already ignoring the fact that he transformed into an ash monster through forced evolution or whatever, which is already a stretch, mind you.

And if that's not ridiculous enough, we then get introduced to Noah, who is somehow an entire world. I actually found him to be more interesting of a character than Misyr, now that we know that Misyr's entire life consists of going to one cafe and doing nothing all day.

The most disappointing part of this route was Asmodeus, who was largely not relevant at all other than the initial shock of realizing Misyr wasn't the demon king. Why bother making such an annoying character for a brief gag? He could have been so much more but instead he's reduced to an unlikable flirt who kidnaps Kotone in order to provide an excuse for a cute CG, and then we barely see him ever again.

This whole route stinks of worldbuilding with no consideration for how certain elements would affect the rest of the world. You know how sometimes worlds in fictional programs (ie: Black Mirror) build their entire concepts around one aspect of society and don't bother fleshing out everything else? That's basically this whole route in a nutshell. It falls apart under the tiniest bit of scrutiny.

To top it off, the good ending of this route, and therefore the whole game, involves Kotone becoming the world herself, largely losing her human form, now cursed to live for eternity as a realm that turns people to ash????? Who decided this would be a satisfying ending for an otome game?

The one element I did like was the explanation for why non-humans look so much like humans. I think it's super cool that humans used to have superior technology and lost it and everything else grew from that. I like the biblical references as well.

Ultimately, though, this was a disappointing way to end the game for me.

[historia-vitae-magistras]

If you don't mind answering, I'm really curious about Jack having both a sunny, carefree disposition while being maybe more cynical about people and there being some rage there and how thats viewed by the others. Is there anything in particular that triggers his temper and do any of the others pick up on it and try to placate him?

On a somewhat related note i found when i lived in Aus people were often both very laidback and friendly but also kinda more gruff and sarcastic then say North Americans. Also a funny culture shock moment was seeing the general disdain and open mocking of authority figures. Like the US looked strict and formal in comparision, which was so unexpected for me lol. I'm guessing its something left over from beginning as a penal colony?

Most people find it understandable. Jack isn't and never has been someone who wants to be angry. He doesn't like it when he loses his temper, and it's rarer than Arthur losing his. Most people who know him know his needs and how to work with his personality.

Brighid, for example, had figured out within days that giving him a choice, even if it was only between eating their gruel in the yard or on the floor where they slept, was the key to his compliance. Or keeping his interest with a certain amount of stimulation. He hates repetitive menial tasks? Give him the choice of songs to learn. She had very little to work with when he was first with her but she made it work. When he's older, this is still true. When Jack comes to her with a problem, she asks if he wants whiskey and rant or tea and a solution. Both choices come with a hug. He lost his shit in an Arthurian way exactly once and she sat him down and put the fear of god in him.

Alasdair and Arthur have a harder time with him because fuck does Jack hates being told what to do. They battle with him over everything. If he's on his way to complete a task and Alasdair or Arthur, by now used to the quiet and largely obedient Matt, tells him to do the task, he won't do the task out of spite a lot of the time. His enthusiasm has to be cultivated into obedience or he will dig in his heels just to dig in his heels, just to feel like he has some control in his life. Alasdair and Arthur are both intelligent enough to realize that but refused to bow to the wants of child over every little task. Arthur, Alasdair and every British governess Jack ever had would sit there with a sobbing Jack and scold and butt heads, threaten to hit, take away a toy, or punish but get nowhere. They'd give up in sheer frustration and go downstairs as Jack found yet another way to get out of or ruin his clothes.l and shoes. Then Matt or Rhys or Brighid, if present, would get up, go upstairs, give Jack a choice and boom, they'd have a dressed, placated and compliant baby Jack. If not a completely happy baby Jack.

Matt is a mix. He understands Jack's frustration often; if anyone knows what it's like to be a disappointing child in this family, it's Matt. He figured out the way to get Jack to learn something like his multiplication tables was to get him up on horseback to keep him interested. And the way to teach him to read was to let him snuggle up and be taught. Jack has to be moving or actively and affectionately held in place. But he also doesn't quite understand why Jack can't just fucking do as he's told sometimes. That some of the rules are to keep them safe. And Matt tries to be reasonable, but sometimes Jack will pick fights with him even more than Arthur when he's a teenager because he's catching up in development and is the wealthier and more critical colony over Canada but isn't given the same say. Matt finds his hostility baffling even if Jack doesn't understand why Matt has authority over him as the 'elder. That doesn't get any better once Arthur vests more responsibility on Matt after he gets the title of 'senior dominion' or 'first dominion.'

As for Zee... Jack's frustration is normal for her. They know how to help each other through things. But when she looks at Arthur's relationship with his siblings, she sees her worst nightmare. She looks at Alfred and Matt and doesn't want that either. And if anything beyond the political about Jack would take them there, it's his temper. Jack was always more inclined to cry than get angry when he was small, but like most men, that transferred to anger as he got older. If he and Zee played with human children when they were little and Jack got into trouble, the Kiwi bird broke shins and put the fear of god into their peers, not Jack. Most of the time, their anger aligns and she can appreciate the force of personality he can be. And like they squabble and get annoyed with each other. All siblings do. But there are fights siblings have where a switch gets flipped and if Jack ever yelled at her in that way, grabbed her, or did anything ever, he'd get exactly one chance. One chance to look at his sister's face, as cold as it's ever been, and believe her when she says if you ever talk to me like that again, you will not have a sister. Because even if he wants to act like Arthur, there is a lot more fucking water between them than there is between England and Ireland.