#but it's also baffling and frustrating that she wanted this in the first place

[eelclaw]

stupid fucking bastard. i am not coping with the leaks

[carlsangel]

YOU’RE WHINING

carl grimes x reader

(carls whining gets irritating.)

tags: oral sex (m!receiving), needy carl :P

masterlist here!

Carl was never really one to pry for things. He really did love taking care of you whenever he had the chance, he enjoyed the traditional ways of handling your relationship. He would love to hold doors open for you, let you enter places first (unless dangerous), cooking for you, or even when it came to your intimate relationship.

Most of the time, he did what he could to pleasure you. Whatever position allowed you to feel best, he did it for you. He also made sure you finished first every time. Not to mention he loves going down on you, not just because it pleasured you but he just absolutely adores it. Anyway, the first time you’d done something for him, he realized how nice it was to be to one receiving the head.

You didn’t realize how needy he could get before then. That man is vocal. The first time he let you give him head was when you guys were insanely bored while no one was home.

It’s a good thing no one was home as he practically couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Anyway since then he’s been begging for it again. Unfortunately there was never really a right time. You were always on runs and even then you were always having some sort of trouble whether it was walkers, issues with the car, even people. It all got worse when you were assigned on different jobs for a week. Aaron had found a new horse and you were put the task of breaking it. Meanwhile, Carl had perimeter watch.

After a long and frustrating day with the new horse, you pull her into a newly built stable to brush her down n such. Despite your struggles in breaking her, she was beautiful, you had to admit. You were just about done before you heard footsteps approaching, so you turn around to be greeted by the sight of Carl. He said he’d come meet you after his shift.

“Hey.” You smile and he almost swoons completely. He greets you back with a small hello and a kiss on the cheek before giving his attention to the horse in front of you. He stroked her for a moment before looking back at you, admiring how you looked. He wanted you to suck him off so bad, he was practically yearning for it. He felt this feeling in his throat, almost like a moan, but not. You look back over to him and look at him sort of oddly, wondering what the expression on his face was about.

“You okay?” You ask, sort of setting him off. Then he lets out a noise, one that sort of baffles you before he started rambling. “Please, I really need it can you-” His breath is heavy and he pulls his hat off to cover his crotch where you can assume there’s a tent in his jeans. Your eyes widen and you’re not quite sure how to respond. “Jesus, Carl you’re whining.” You state, completely taken aback by his demeanor.

“I know m’really sorry but I…I really need you to go down on me I’m begging here.” He takes a step closer to you and takes your hand in his, holding it real tight because he is, in fact, begging. “Just behind the stable, no one will see.” He pleads.

Well…how can you say no to that?

Soon after, you’re kneeling down in front of him in the grass between the large steel wall (of Alexandria) and the wood of the stables. He was right, no one would see you there but they could definitely hear you so you warn him. “You’re gonna need to be quiet.” You start to work on getting his belt off and he nods, his breath getting heavier the longer he sees you on your knees in front of him.

As you work on his belt, you decide to tease him a little because, why not? So you press kisses to his (very hard by the way) dick through his jeans, causing him to moan already. You haven’t even gotten to the real thing. “I told you baby you gotta be quiet.” You smile up at him and he looks down at you so frustrated. Frustrated because you’re teasing him and you know how long he’s been wanting this. Except, that only makes it hotter for him.

You finally get his belt unbuckled and you unbutton his jeans. You tug them down, along with his underwear, just to see how needy he really was. He was rock hard, he couldn’t help it with the way you looked when he walked into the stable, your hair a mess, tired eyes and sweaty. It got him really, really aroused. You take a hold of his length which draws a sharp hiss from his mouth.

Just looking up at him like the way you were prompted him to leak a little which you very clearly took notice considering you took that as a go ahead to take him in your mouth. “Oh god-” His arms were practically nailed to the wood behind him and you continued to take him, sliding his cock in and out of your mouth repeatedly, your saliva building up and following each movement of your mouth. Your other hand goes to the base of his cock and it sort of lingers there, your fingers gently massaging. It was taking everything in him to not rut his hips into your mouth.

“I can’t..” His hands now go to your hair where he gently tries to steady himself but he seriously can’t take it. The wet noises coming from your mouth as you still won’t stop. “Please baby I’m close.” He moans, prompting you to pull back a moment, pulling a whine from him as well. You still slowly twist your hand around his dick while you look up at him, admiring him and how gorgeous he looks. His bottom lip is red from biting it so hard trying to keep quiet, but his mouth is agape and he’s breathing so hard. Meanwhile his eyes are half lidded and he just looks so fucked out.

“Is this what you wanted?” You giggle and swirl your tongue around his tip, prodding your tongue into the slit of it. All the air leaves his body and eyes roll into the back of his head. He moans so fucking loud, your eyes widen at his volume. “If you don’t close your mouth I will stop.” You laugh and he nods, taking in a deep breath to get ready for you to start again.

“Good?” He looks down and nods yes. “Yeah, good.” So you start again, moving your hand with your mouth too, spreading the saliva down to cover him with it completely. You go back to bobbing your head at a steady pace, feeling his cock twitch in your mouth. Carl resorted to just letting out soft groans, quiet enough for just the two of you to hear.

Soon enough, he was close again and this time you wouldn’t stop. You’d move quicker, taking more and more of him into your throat while he pushed your hair back out of your face. “M’gonna cum please don’t stop-” He speaks breathlessly and you comply, not stopping until he grips the back of your head still against him while the warm liquid spills down your throat. Once every drop is out of him, he lets go of your head and you pull away, doing everything you can to make it look somewhat attractive. A string of saliva follows your mouth from his dick.

You wipe your mouth with your sleeve and he gets himself back situated in his jeans. All he wants to do at this point is love on you. You treated him so well. He pulls you into a hug, leaning back against the stable wall while he kisses you all over your face.

“That good?”

“No that was incredible.”

a/n: so let’s talk about this LMFAOOOO LISTEN!!! i got this request and started writing it right after T-T and then finished it an hour after it was requested. where did that motivation come from? no idea. but also this made me realize i have never posted a fic where the reader gives him a blow job so…that might be why?

anyway this was very impromptu, match ups done soon blah blah ghost in the woods blah blah

tag list: @zomb-1-egutzz @lunarnightt @ilikestrawberriesandwomen @hiro--aoki @h00d-tr4sh @callsignwidow

[pandapetals]

The Wedding

You and Logan get married!

professor logan howlett x professor fem!reader - married couple, cute, fluff, teasing, no y/n used, no reader description, your an english professor, logan is a history professor - imagine days of future past logan with the white streaks in his hair

also thank you to @coocoocachewgotscrewed for the idea of logan keeping the pen reader gave him and using it to write his vows.

read on ao3 or find more parts for the series: here

divider credit: @enchanthings

"It'll be a small wedding," Logan grumbled, scratching the back of his neck with that familiar, slightly awkward air he got whenever something made him uncomfortable. He stood in the middle of the living room, looking like a bear that had wandered into a tea party, completely out of place.

You raised an eyebrow, glancing up from the pile of bridal magazines scattered across the coffee table. "Small? Logan, there's at least a hundred people living at the mansion alone," you said, your voice somewhere between amused and exasperated. "It’s not exactly going to be 'small' with that kind of guest list."

Across from you, Jean nodded, sitting cross-legged on the couch with a wedding planning book perched in her lap. "My wedding had three hundred guests, remember Logan?" she chimed in helpfully, flipping through a page on flower arrangements.

"Our wedding," Scott corrected from the armchair beside her, not even looking up from the paper he was reading.

Logan groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Exactly why we should skip all this crap and just get hitched already," he muttered, his voice low and gruff.

You shot him a playful look, shaking your head. "What happened to 'you can do whatever you want, darlin'?" you asked, mimicking his gravelly voice with a teasing smile.

Logan’s mouth twitched, almost into a smile, but then his eyes flicked back to the growing mountain of wedding plans, suggestions from friends, and magazines full of over-the-top ideas. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he stood just a little too rigid like he was bracing for an attack.

Truth be told, you were feeling the weight of it too.

At first, you had been excited—three months of engagement bliss, giddy over every little detail. The idea of a big, beautiful wedding had seemed like a dream. But now? Now it felt overwhelming. Everyone had an opinion, from the color scheme to the type of cake to the seating arrangements. You loved your friends, but the constant suggestions had turned into something else, something bigger than you and Logan. It had started to feel like the wedding wasn’t really yours anymore.

Jean leaned in, holding up a sample invitation. "Oh, and I was thinking," she began, clearly not picking up on Logan’s discomfort. "You could have this gorgeous ice-blue theme with silver accents—it would match the winter season perfectly."

Logan shot you a look—one of those looks that said I’m two seconds away from walking out of here. You couldn’t blame him. The more Jean talked, the more you realized something had shifted inside you. Somewhere along the way, you’d gotten caught up in making the perfect day, and forgotten what this wedding was really about: you and Logan.

Not the flowers. Not the guest list. You two.

Logan cleared his throat, trying once more to gently steer the conversation. "Listen, all this sounds real nice," he said, his voice tight with barely restrained frustration, "but what if we just kept it simple? Y’know, courthouse, couple of rings, call it a day."

Jean blinked, clearly baffled. "A courthouse? Logan, this is your wedding! It’s supposed to be a special day, something beautiful."

You opened your mouth to agree with Jean, to defend the idea of having a "proper" wedding. But then, you looked at Logan again. His eyes—those deep, hazel eyes—were watching you closely like he was waiting for you to decide. Not just about the wedding, but about what you wanted, deep down.

Suddenly, it clicked. You realized that Logan was right. You didn’t need a grand affair. You didn’t need three hundred guests or ice-blue color scheme or a designer dress. You didn’t need all the noise and spectacle. What you needed—what you wanted —was something that felt like the two of you. Something real. Something simple.

You smiled softly, the decision made. "You know what?" you said, standing up from the couch and tossing the magazines aside. "I think Logan’s right."

Jean’s eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

Scott finally looked up from his paper, equally surprised.

Logan raised an eyebrow, his usual gruff skepticism tinged with curiosity. "Really?"

You nodded, crossing the room to stand in front of him, resting your hand on his arm. "Yeah," you said, your voice quieter now, more certain. "I don’t need the big wedding. I don’t need all the fuss. All I need is you. " You smiled up at him, feeling the weight lift off your shoulders as the words came out. "Let’s just get married. Just us."

For the first time in days, you saw Logan’s shoulders relax. He let out a low breath, his lips twitching into that half-smile that always made your heart skip a beat. "You sure?"

"Absolutely," you said, your hand slipping down to intertwine with his. "Let’s get hitched."

A week later, you found yourself standing outside the courthouse, the sun just beginning to set in the late afternoon sky, casting a warm glow over everything. It was quiet, just the way you wanted it. No crowd, no elaborate decorations, and no endless chatter. Just you and Logan, and the soft hum of the world around you.

You looked down at the simple dress you’d chosen—nothing fancy, just something that made you feel good, made you feel like you. Logan, dressed in his usual button-up, looked handsome in that effortlessly rugged way only he could pull off. His shirt was slightly unbuttoned at the top, a teasing glimpse of his chest visible, and his hair styled in those little tufts as always, the white streaks more visible. 

"Ready?" you asked, your heart fluttering in anticipation.

Logan’s eyes met yours, steady and calm. "More than ready."

As you both stepped inside, the courthouse was quiet. There was no fanfare, no grand entrance—just the two of you, walking hand in hand, a quiet sense of peace settling over the moment.

The ceremony itself was simple, just like you’d wanted until Logan surprised you. He cleared his throat, looking a little awkward as he reached into his jacket pocket.

"I, uh... I’ve got somethin’ for you," he muttered, his voice rough but filled with something soft underneath. From his pocket, he pulled out a pen. Not just any pen.

Your breath caught in your throat. It was your pen—the one you’d given him two years ago when he had started his first-day teaching history at Xavier’s. A "good luck" charm, you had called it, but it had become something meaningful to Logan.

You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes as Logan handed it to you with a small smile. From the same pocket, he pulled out a folded piece of paper, slightly crumpled, like it had been carried around for a while.

"I wrote somethin'," he said, his voice low as he unfolded the paper, his eyes flicking nervously to yours. "Figured you deserved more than just... y’know, me wingin’ it."

He cleared his throat, glancing down at the paper. Then, with that same rough tenderness that was so purely Logan, he began to read.

"I ain’t great with words, darlin'," he started, his voice softening. "But I figure you already know that. So, I’ll keep it simple. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I ain’t perfect... never will be. I swear to you, I’ll spend the rest of my life doin’ whatever it takes to make you happy, keepin’ you safe, and showin’ you that you’re loved. 'Cause you are, more than I ever thought I’d love someone."

By the time he finished, your vision was blurred with unshed tears. You didn’t need any more words. You didn’t need anything grand or fancy. In that quiet courthouse, with Logan standing before you, holding the pen you had given him long ago, you had everything you could ever want.

"Logan," you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion, "I love you. I never thought I could be this happy, but every day with you... you show me something new. You make everything better."

He smiled then, a real, full smile that softened the lines of his face and reached his eyes—a rare sight, but one you cherished every time. He stepped closer, his hand warm and rough as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch grounding you in the moment.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he murmured, his voice a low, steady rumble that sent warmth spreading through you, just like the way his presence always did.

You held each other's gaze as the quiet world around you seemed to fade, leaving just the two of you standing there. Together, you exchanged rings—simple gold bands that glinted in the soft light, but they felt like so much more.

Logan leaned in, his lips brushed yours, sealing the vows with a soft kiss. It was as steady and certain as the love you had found with him. It was simply perfect.

[whovianofmidgard]

Day 2: Makalaurë

for @feanorianweek, also available on Ao3

Fëanáro was many things; inventor, craftsman, master smith, and he was also a linguist. He felt strongly about the preservation of proper speech, had revolutionised the writing system with his tengwar, and had even studied Valarin, something only the most devoted Vanyar bothered to do. 

So, when he became a father for the first time, it was no surprise that he made a study of observing the developmental stages of language learning in elflings. Maitimo was the first of his many research subjects to come, and he filled notebook after notebook listening to his son's babblings slowly turn into recognisable words. 

When Makalaurë came around, Fëanáro armed himself with paper and quill, and decided to run a little experiment with his second born. How would his tiny elfling mind adapt to being subjected to two languages in his everyday life? 

Thus, Fëanáro made sure to switch between Quenya and Valarin frequently whenever he spoke to Makalaurë, and he watched with fascination as his baby mind soaked all that passive knowledge up like a sponge. 

There was only one thing he did not account for: that when Makalaurë finally started making his first attempts at forming words, it was not just one language being incomprehensibly butchered, but two. The child’s penchant for imbuing his voice with Power didn’t help clear things up either. It posed the young parents a great challenge to not only do their best at deciphering what their baby was trying to say, but also to identify which language he was saying it in the first place. 

"Zik! Zeek!" Makalaurë demanded of his parents with a gradually mounting frustration. If only they knew what it was that he asked for so they could give it before the incoming Power filled tantrum broke out. 

"Is it Valarin?" Nerdanel questioned while she tried to placate the elfling with cuddles. "Náro, do you recognise what he's saying?" 

"No, and neither does 'zik' resemble any word in Quenya either. He must be missing a part of the original word," Fëanáro frantically flipped through his notes in search for answers. 

The issue did not resolve itself that day. In the end Makalaurë cried himself to sleep, exhausted and beyond miffed that his parents could not understand him. 

It was much later when they finally got the answer to the riddle that was 'zik'. A leisurely walk to the markets of Tirion was interrupted by a visiting bard one flowering of Laurelin, playing a jaunty tune in the streets that had Makalaurë shrieking in delight. 

"Zik!" he pointed his chubby finger towards the bard, making the family halt. 

Fëanáro looked between his youngest son and the elf playing his lute for the crowd, baffled. "That's zik?" 

"Zik!" Makalaurë nodded and happily hummed along to the tune drifting around the market square. 

Maitimo's eyes lit up in recognition. "It's music, Atya!" 

Then he turned to his little brother. "You wanted to hear some music, didn't you Káno?" 

"Music?" Nerdanel asked. "All that fuss because he wanted one of us to sing for him?" 

Fëanáro was just as stunned as her as he watched Maitimo encourage Makalaurë to properly pronounce all the sounds and syllables of the simple word while listening to the melody. 

"Well then... Mystery solved! It was Quenya all this time," he concluded, reaching for his notes stashed in his pocket. He was rewarded with a gentle shove and Nerdanel looking towards the heavens like someone praying to the Valar for strength. 

[sepublic]

Boscha basically disappearing for a season only to suddenly be relevant again in S3 while demanding attention is hilarious, it’s exactly how it felt from the perspective of Amity and the others because like. She was a S1 antagonist but those were lighthearted, low-stakes times so Boscha fell into obscurity as a nuisance.

(Note: Amity doesn’t start gripping her hem in discomfort until Boscha grabs her hand in marriage/divorce)

So the viewer shares the same feeling as the protagonists about Boscha just coming back out of nowhere with all this baggage that from her unseen side of the story must’ve felt like a natural progression amidst S2. But to Amity it just feels so awkwardly out of nowhere, out of place, even if it does matter within the themes and all that. Just this uncomfortable question of What the heck did I just miss and Why now. And these apply to Kikimora and the Collector’s absurd role playing and Luz’s own baffled reaction to that.

(Amity really having to go through it twice)

It’s hilarious. They just want to get this frustrating side quest over with but dealing with frustration is also kinda the point for Luz and Hunter’s arcs this episode, which ties into Camila and Willow’s respectively; While Amity caps her overall arc off by knowing what to say to Boscha and establishing who’s really in control with boundaries here. She’s clearly well past all this petty S1 drama and obligations, and she demonstrates that development perfectly in this scene. Likewise, it’s a callback and pay off to Eclipse Lake; Once again Amity is reaching out to someone she can relate to, in the same position she was in, to get them out and create a new cycle. And this time she succeeds!

And look at her leading Hexside like she’s the popular girl again, but in a way that fits her!!!

Revisiting Hexside is like a victory lap for character development, like revisiting the first level… Look how far they’ve come in how they respond to old problems so much better now! It’s like a high school reunion, except they’re technically still in high school for like four more years to go but whatever. This was a nostalgic final return to the lighthearted humor of S1 and the ‘ol Hexside subplots… I’ll miss ‘em and have been!

[mncxbe]

OMG OMG, what about, Bsd characters(pls include jouno, I'm starved of content from him) with a drunk s/o, that is all like "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend, don't touch me(or sth else, but u get the gist-)" ALSO if you don't want to do this, don't. <<<:

Ok I love the idea. I tried to make it as silly as possible hope you like it♡♡

Note: I have some Ango content for tomorrow👀

°☆○

Strawberry Daiquiri

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐, 𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: silly/ fluff♡

𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒐

starting off with our blind king; let's assume that you're so drunk you don't recognize him

he's amused by your act at first, but the longer you keep it up the more frustrated he gets

he does find it cute that you're so loyal to him tho; also worried that you're so drunk

surely teases you about it the next day

Although he may not seem like it, Jouno was a supportive boyfriend; your unyielding determination was his favourite quality. He didn't see any problem with it until one day you decided to beat Fukuchi in a drinking competition.

"I'm telling you Sai. I got this" you said as you walked into the captain's office with a handful of bottles of sake.

Your boyfriend only rolled his eyes and went back to his business. He returned three hours later when he finally managed to finish the last of his reports. Knocking at the mahogany door he gently pushed it open, stepping inside the room.

"Captain" he saluted with a small bow and Fukuchi waved at him, utterly unaware that the man couldn't see it.

Just then, your voice echoed through the room; a high pitched groan.

"Naah captain I'm sure I'll beat you. Pour more for me." Your words were slurred and Jouno could sense your hightened body temperature, a sign of clear intoxication.

Fukuchi chuckled, filling your cup again.

"You think you can take it? You look quite plastered to me"

"I'm not done 'till you are."

A smile rose to Jouno's lips as he caught the hint of resolve in your voice, but he knew by your fast heartbeat that you should probably stop drinking soon. He walked to your side, gently seizing your forearm.

"Let's go home Y/N. I think you've had enough to drink tonight"

"Huh? Fuck off dude I have a boyfriend." you said nonchalantly, yanking your arm away.

For a brief moment Jouno was baffled, hand frozen in mid air as he watched you down another glass; but then he snapped back to reality.

"Hey Y/N look at me." he said playfully, seizing your chin to make you look up to him. "It's me, Sai"

"Sai..." you contemplated, his name rolling off your lips in a low hum "Ah Sai"

From across the table Fukuchi let out a low chuckle. "Take her home, Jouno. She's drunk"

"No I'm not. I ain't stopping 'till I get you... uh..-till you give up" you mumbled, causing Jouno to sigh.

"We're out of alcohol Y/N" added Fukuchi, dangling the last empty bottle before your eyes.

"Please dear let's go home" Jouno cooed, his fingers gently intertwining with yours and you eventually got up, holding on to the back of your chair for support.

"I consider this this a draw, captain" you said sluggishly and Fukuchi nodded.

"Goodnight to you two"

With that, Jouno snaked an arm around your waist and walked with you out of the office, down the halls of the Hunting Dogs's headquarters and on to the crowded street. He raised a hand to hail a cab and as soon as the yellow vehicle pulled over, your boyfriend opened the backseat door and placed you inside; then joined you in the backseat.

Jouno gave the driver your address and the car drove off towards your apartment.

"Are you feeling ok darling?" he asked in a concerned voice and you nodded, scooting closer to him.

"Yea I am..." After a moment of silence you added in the same slurred, giddy tone. "Say, are you really my boyfriend? You're handsome."

Jouno blushed furiously at your words, his lips curling into a sly smile. "You bet I am pretty girl."

The lights of the city came and went in blurry waves, causing your head to ache. You leaned your head on the crook of Jouno's neck, shielding your vision. He only chuckled, placing one of his hands on top of your head.

"Go sleep darling. I'll wake you up at home"

You mumbled a mhm before closing your eyes and, drunk on love and sake, drifted into a deep slumber.

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

such a tease; will make fun of you about it tomorrow if you don't recognize him

he's a smooth operator

he's all like: "Aww sure my sweet lady. How about you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then?" and just sits there listening to you praise him

probably carries you home and puts you to bed after

It was Yosano's birthday and she decided to take the Agency members out for a drink at a local pub. The place was cozy, dimly lit; low, wooden tables lining the sides of the room. Peach Pit's "Alrighty Aphrodite" sounded through the speakers in the corner of the room.

Not only three hours in you were plastered, body hunched over as you rested your arms on your table. Seeing your state, Dazai made his way to your side and took a seat next to you.

"Everything alright bella?" he hummed cheerfully, causing you to moan.

"Ah shut up. My head hurts." you whined, holding your head between the palms of your hand. "And just so you know I already have someone so... [you hiccup] just let me be."

"Oh I see" Dazai chuckled, placing his drink on the table. "Why don't you tell me more about that boyfriend of yours then."

Only then you raised your head, eyes half lidded as a tender smile rose to your lips. "My 'samu is such a darling. So handsome and smart. He gives the best hugs you know?"

You casually wrapped your arms around your own body, demonstrating your words. "Just like this. And he's so handsome and... he's caring. I love him lots ya know?" you went on.

Dazai chuckled upon hearing your words. "Is that so?"

"Yea. And- Hold on mind if I just?" you asked, leaning your aching head on his shoulder "Mm this is better. Anyway, 'samu's the one for me. I just know it. Did you ever feel this way about someone?"

"I did. I do, in fact." he replied, taking in your sleepy features: your cheeks were flushed, nostrils slightly flaring as you steadily breathed in and out, lashes fluttering shut.

"That's nice then" was all you said before dozzing off on his shoulder.

Your boyfriend smiled again and placed a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

"I love you too, bella" he said in a hushed voice before downing the rest of his drink, the golden liquid warming up his insides just like you did with his heart and soul. [so cheesy of me nah]

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

poor baby is so confused at first

he frowns so much

if you do end up recognizing him and get all giddy and affectionate he's gonna blush so much omg

probably asks you not to get drunk again cuz he's lowkey scared you'll get brain damage

"Piss off. I have a boyfriend" you said with a blank expression as you brushed his hand away from your shoulder, swaying your hips towards the bar.

Akutagawa was left speechless, utterly confounded by your sudden actions. 'What the...' he thought, walking right after you. The roaring music in the bar made it impossible for you to hear him calling out your name.

"Hey Y/N. Cut it out will you" he hissed, seizing your wrist.

"Let go of me" you pleaded, trying to free yourself but ended up stumbling backwards. If it weren't for Rashōmon you would've fallen flat on the hard floor of the bar; the black tendrils wrapped around your waist, bringing you back to your feet.

After you managed to regain your composure your glassy eyes met his, gazes locked in a drunk daze. Then a sign of recognition flashed in your eyes and your lips curled into a soft smile.

"Aww Ryuu baby" you giggled, arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm quite drunk baby"

"I can see that..." he stammered, trying to hide the rosy blush that bloomed on his cheeks upon hearing your endearment. "Want me to take you home?"

"Yea I'd like that sweetie" you continued in the same slurred voice. You pulled away from him a bit but your faces were still mere inches apart, a giddy smirk on your lips; fingers toying with the tufts of his hair.

Just when Akutagawa was about to walk towards the exit your lips found his and you pulled your body flush against his. The kiss was sloppy and warm, the taste of alcohol on your sugary lips causing your boyfriend to moan lightly. His hands came to rest on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

After a few moments he gently pushed you away. His face was red as a tomato.

"Come on Y/N. Let's go home"

"But I wanna kiss you mooore" you pouted and attempted to kiss him again but he leaned slightly back, chuckling.

"How about you kiss me at home? I'll let you kiss me all you want." he said awkwardly but it wad enough for you to take a step back.

You grabbed his wrist and marched through boisterous crown and towards the back exit of the bar where you car was parked.

"We better hurry then" you added playfully, voice muffled by the sounds around you.

[thus-wrote-mrs-zeppeli]

Hi may I ask if you can make some part 7 characters you want (each one separate) headcanons with a Reader who struggles with anxiety and how they comfort them (also just optional if Reader is implied to be autistic, you don’t have do if you don’t want or don’t feel comfortable writing autistic!Reader). I really enjoy reading the things you write and I hope this request isn’t too complex for you to engage in. Thank you for reading and I hope you’ll have a good day or evening! <3

Thank you, I really appreciate how kind and considerate your message is! I hope your day/evening goes great as well~

Your request is perfect, I will gladly attempt it (and I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety so I relate big time). Reader can be read as implied autistic (if I get anything wrong please point it out to me) but I am mostly focusing on reader feeling anxious. And I went with more of a social anxiety, varying in intensity.

(Ok looking over the characters had me like oh boy some of these people will have No clue what to do lol.)

Content: some of these characters are CLUELESS; Diego is a bit of a jerk

Various SBR characters x anxious!reader headcanons

Characters: Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, Hot Pants, Diego Brando, Blackmore

Johnny Joestar: Because of his past as a famous jockey, Johnny was familiar with eyes on him and lots of attention, so he doesn’t really notice it, even after being out of the spotlight for a bit. Though he’s able to be sympathetic, he won’t always understand, since he is practiced at keeping his composure under high stress. Honestly, he’s a bit unnaturally good at containing his anxiety.

He Could offer you advice but…it’s kinda exclusive to him. So instead he’ll just stay with you, taking you away from whatever’s making you anxious but not leaving you by yourself. He won’t say anything unless you ask, since he’s not the greatest at this sort of thing. But if it makes you feel better he can try to tell a story or a joke; he’ll say he’s not as good at that sort of thing as someone like Gyro would be, but Johnny is great at being calm and levelheaded; and he’s reassuring to have close by. If you wanna be left alone he’s fine with giving you some space, it’s not a big deal to him, and he can at least understand if your anxiety makes you a bit irritable towards him. He won’t take it personally, and will give you some time until you’re ready to talk about it or move on.

Gyro Zeppeli: He doesn’t really get it, it takes a LOT before he feels anything resembling stress when it came to eyes on him, and he’s literally performed surgeries before…so he’s got experience keeping a level head in super high stress scenarios.

And it’s frustrating for him to hear you’re feeling distressed when he doesn’t understand it. If it was a physical wound or a dangerous situation then he could treat or protect you, but a sudden bout of heavy anxiety is something he’s genuinely inexperienced with. He doesn’t mean to make it worse when you quietly express you’re feeling stressed, but replying with: “Huh?? What? Right now?” in front of people and with a baffled look on his face doesn’t really make you feel better. He doesn’t entirely get it, but he HATES seeing you distressed, so if it’s something physical that’s causing you anxiety you better Believe he’s removing it. Harshly, if he has to.

He’ll try his usual strange jokes until you’re smiling again, and sometimes placing his hat on your head as his way of saying he’s got your back. Just tell him what you need and he’ll get it done, but preferably something he understands…like taking you outside for some fresh air or distracting you with light conversation. He likes to be close, so if you don’t want him in your personal space just tell him.

Hot Pants: She’s observant, able to tell before you mention it that you’re feeling stressed or uncomfortable. Often it’s her who reacts first, her firm hand on your shoulder asking you if you wanted to leave, or at least step away from the situation for a bit. She’s incredibly good under pressure…most of the time, so she’s a reassuring presence, even when she’s not the best at comforting you with words. Her actions are enough, never in your space when you’re overwhelmed and not rushing you to recover from a sudden bout of anxiety. She keeps an eye on you, but keeps her distance unless you want her near. If it helps, she’s willing to hold your hand or stand close, but you’ll have to express it to her, otherwise she’ll assume you want space. If you want comforting words, she is not really one for that sort of thing. So she’ll be honest with you. She will wait for you when you are ready, and stay by your side if you need her. But she prefers using actions rather than words to comfort you.

Diego Brando: He genuinely doesn’t get it, and he won’t pretend to, even for your sake. He loves attention, loves everyone’s eyes on him, loves when it feels like the world is revolving around him…so when you express a specific dislike for that sort of thing…

He coldly told you that you’d have to get used to it, because he wouldn’t be changing how he lives and behaves for your sake.

So you’re better off not bothering with him when you’re feeling stressed, unless he’s feeling particularly empathetic that day (very very VERY rare occasion, and his version of empathy isn’t really the textbook definition). Just excuse yourself quietly and he’ll hopefully dismiss it and not care. But sometimes he’ll chase after you. He finds it irritating when you need space from him because he can’t understand it, and he especially doesn’t understand when his presence seems to make you feel even more stressed; but he really is way too much sometimes. He’s physically clingy, talks loud, and for whatever reason assumes you also enjoy a ton of attention on you. Just try to ignore him if he’s stressing you out more, and he’ll eventually leave you alone and usually won’t bring it up later.

But in the rare moments he does decide to try and make a situation more comfortable for you, it’s because he also needs a break. He’s not particularly relaxing when the two of you are enjoying a moment of quiet, but he’s got his own weird charm that can distract you from your anxiety sometimes.

Blackmore: He’s a capable and efficient assassin, calm by nature but not so good at talking. Often apologizing for nothing, just to stay out of trouble, so in a way he can be quite sympathetic to social anxiety.

His job keeps him occupied and away from you a lot, but when you do get to spend time together his generally impassive and quiet disposition is honestly pretty soothing most of the time.

He’s more of a listener than a talker. So much so that you’re probably better off just sticking to talking to him than asking for his advice, he is Not great at that sort of thing.

Walks in the rain are great for both of you when you’re feeling anxious, under his umbrella and listening to the water hitting the ground, making small talk but otherwise enjoying the comfortable silence of each other’s company…it’s soothing. He’s got a naturally calming presence when he’s not around people he has to appease all the time, and when it’s just the two of you he can lower his guard a bit.

In a way you’re a source of comfort to each other. You can both relax in each other’s presence, so you take advantage of the rare occasions when you can be together.

-

Debated adding Valentine and Wekapipo but wasn’t sure. If anyone wants me to do a version of this for them just lemme know.

And also BLACKMORE. FINALLY A PERFECT request to mention Blackmore in I LOVE him.

I genuinely couldn’t think of a name for this piece, haha-

[queenjunothegreat]

Hello everyone!!! I'm BACK and this time I come bearing Pipeyna. I've missed my girls <3 Anywho, @manygeese (WHO SHOULD OPEN UP HER AO3 TO ALLOW FOR GIFTS WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE) made a fun post about various ships as stuff she found on Pinterest, and my little goblin brain took over and made fluff. I will never apologize for who I am.

So, without further ado, here is The Pill Bug Means I Love You

Reyna held her phone up, squinting at it like that would help her decipher the cryptic message Piper had sent her. Reyna’s original message of Love you. On my way home now, had received the kissy face reaction Piper almost always sent her. If that had been the end of it, Reyna would have been able to go about her evening with no issue. Instead, Piper had quickly sent her a picture, and Reyna felt a bit like she was failing a test. “Jason, can I get your opinion on something?” she asked. When he hummed in acknowledgement, she turned her phone so he could see the text conversation and Piper’s message of a heavily pixelated bug with a speech bubble pointing to an equally pixelated box of McNuggets. “What does this mean?” Jason squinted at the phone for a moment, his brow furrowed deep and serious. He blinked, then took off his glasses, cleaned them, returned them to his face, and got right back to squinting. “Is that a pill bug?” *** Piper sends Reyna an absolutely nonsensical message. Being the obliging girlfriend she is, Reyna makes sense of it anyway

Reyna loved her girlfriend. Loved her more than anything. As far as she was concerned, the Earth came into existence strictly so that it could eventually be blessed by the presence of one Piper McLean. She was funny and clever and kind and beautiful beyond mere description. Every moment Reyna got to spend with her was one she treasured, and she looked forward to all the moments they would spend together for the rest of their lives. 

That being saif, she was also the single most baffling creature on the planet.

Reyna held her phone up, squinting at it like that would help her decipher the cryptic message Piper had sent her. Reyna’s original message of Love you. On my way home now, had received the kissy face reaction Piper almost always sent her. If that had been the end of it, Reyna would have been able to go about her evening with no issue. Instead, Piper had quickly sent her a picture, and Reyna felt a bit like she was failing a test. 

“Jason, can I get your opinion on something?” she asked. When he hummed in acknowledgement, she turned her phone so he could see the text conversation and Piper’s message of a heavily pixelated bug with a speech bubble pointing to an equally pixelated box of McNuggets. “What does this mean?”

Jason squinted at the phone for a moment, his brow furrowed deep and serious. He blinked, then took off his glasses, cleaned them, returned them to his face, and got right back to squinting. “Is that a pill bug?”

“I think so,” Reyna said slowly. Her lips puckered in confusion as she typed out a message. What does that mean? Help. Immediately, it was marked read with no response or reaction. Her brows knit, and she turned her frustration to Jason. “Does she want me to pick up dinner? Why send me a pill bug, in that case? Does asking for dinner make her feel like a pill bug, or does eating McDonald's make her feel like a pill bug? What could she possibly want from McDonald's in the first place?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Leo would get it?” Jason ventured, cocking his head to the side. “To be honest, a lot of their jokes still fly over my head.”

Reyna nodded solemnly. She wasn’t exactly eager to admit to needing help to understand her girlfriend, but some things were worth more than her pride. She screenshotted her messages with Piper, then sent it to Leo with the caption Can you explain? Jason and I are both confused. Moments later, Leo replied, and Reyna’s face puckered in distaste. “Divorce your husband immediately.”

Before Jason could respond, his phone chimed with a text notification, and he grimaced. “He sent me a picture of a dog cry-laughing and pointing at me.”

“Like I said, divorce him,” Reyna said dryly. “His idea of being helpful to me was ‘lmao’ with–” she paused briefly to count– “seventeen ‘o’s at the end.”

Jason chuckled warmly and shook his head, stashing his phone back in his pocket and looking as absurdly smitten as he had on his wedding day. Reyna narrowed her eyes at him, cursing his betrayal. “I'm sure it's not a big deal in that case,” he soothed. “Piper will probably just laugh and tease you about it when you get home.”

Reyna frowned down at her phone, unsatisfied with that answer. She didn’t like the thought of Piper asking her for something, and her not even making an effort to supply it. Still, she heaved a deep sigh and pocketed her phone as well. “I suppose there's nothing else I can do.”

Jason smiled at her, warm and gentle as their train pulled into the station. “Yeah. It'll be fine, I'm sure of it.”

I'm sure of it, too, Reyna thought to herself, determination flaring to life in her chest.

*-*-*

Piper was starting to get concerned. Usually, when Reyna texted that she was on her way home, she arrived right at twenty minutes later. It didn’t matter how far away she was, she always timed her texts so that she got there exactly when Piper was expecting her to. So, when twenty minutes turned into twenty five, Piper sent a text checking on her, and received confirmation that Reyna was on her way home and perfectly safe, she was just running an unexpected errand. That in and of itself was concerning because Reyna didn’t do unexpected errands, but Reyna said she was fine, and Piper trusted her girlfriend. However, it was now almost an hour after Reyna had sent her initial text, and Piper’s dumb phone game was doing a worse and worse job at distracting her. 

She was just about ready to actually call Reyna and demand to know what in the hell was going on when their front door opened and in came Reyna, her arms laden with all of her work stuff, as well as a few grocery bags and fast food sacks. She carefully unloaded her parcels onto the dining table and heaved a heavy sigh of relief, surveying the lot with something that looked like satisfaction. 

“Uh, whatcha got there, babe?” Piper asked, slowly approaching the table.

Reyna turned and gave her one of those tiny smiles that only Piper ever got to see. Just like always, it made her heart flutter. Reyna took Piper’s hand in her own and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “Hello, Piper.”

“Hey, Reyna” Piper said, kissing her on the cheek. With their usual ritual complete, she gestured to the table and repeated her question. “What’s all this?”

“Dinner,” Reyna said. “I wasn’t able to figure out what your picture meant, exactly, so I pursued every interpretation.” She gestured at each individual item as she went through her list, her posture perfectly straight and serious like she was giving a mission report. “The first option was simply getting the 20 piece chicken nuggets meal from McDonald’s from the picture. I didn’t think this was likely, as they don’t have any plant-based options – I asked – so I got you some french fries and a McFlurry as well. The next option was that you simply wanted fast food in general, so I went to that burger place down the street and ordered you that black bean burger you like. Then I thought that maybe you wanted chicken nuggets, specifically, so I went to the grocery store and purchased some. They are chicken fingers, not nuggets, and will need to be cooked as the only vegetarian option they had was frozen, but I was hoping that they would do.”

Piper gaped at the table for a moment before she pressed her fingers to her mouth, tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. She sniffled, and her voice was soft when she said, “Reyna…”

Reyna’s eyes went wide, and she gently gripped Piper by her elbows. “Piper? Is there something wrong? If there was another meaning, I’m more than happy to go back out and get it for you. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

Piper let out a watery chuckle as a few tears trickled down her cheeks. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m very happy, I promise.”

Reyna cupped her jaw and carefully thumbed one of the tears away as her dark eyes traced over Piper’s face. “Then tell me why you’re crying. Please.”

“You’re just so sweet,” Piper sniffled. “And I’m being a big ol’ crybaby about it.”

“You’re my favorite crybaby,” Reyna said, her voice firm enough to offer no room for argument and so very earnest.

“I can tell,” Piper grinned, gesturing at the table. “I didn’t mean anything by it, Reyna. It was just a dumb picture Leo sent me and I thought it was funny. I wasn’t expecting you to journey halfway across town and back over it.”

“Oh.” Reyna looked a little embarrassed now. “I guess that’s why Leo found the whole thing so amusing.”

“You asked Leo for help?” Piper giggled.

“And then promptly told his husband to leave him, yes.”

“Why did you do that?”

Reyna scowled. “He was unwilling to help me get what you wanted, so I decided he didn’t deserve to be married.”

Piper burst out into full-on laughter then. “I love you. I love you so much. Like, holy shit.”

Reyna smiled at her, just wide enough to make her eyes sparkle. “I love you, too.”

“I can tell,” Piper said again. She grabbed the McFlurry and Reyna’s hand. “Come on. It’s cuddle time. I wanna watch Grey’s Anatomy.” That last bit was a lie, but it was worth it to see Reyna perk up in interest.

But then Reyna paused, a frown tugging at her lips. “But what about the food? It’s going to get cold.”

“We have an air fryer; we can just heat it up later,” Piper dismissed. “Right now, though, my girlfriend did one of the nicest things ever for me, and I plan to reward her by kissing her until she turns bright red and gets dizzy while we watch her favorite TV show, which is far more important. Any objections?”

Remarkably, there were none.

[dramaticallytotal]

I've Been Around The World! TDWT Rewrite Headcanons: Part Nine

Idea Post Part One Last Part

• This will be true in a lot of my aus, but Izzy was adopted by Noah's mom after she heard of how Izzy's mom treated her. She was prepared to take it to court if she had to, but Izzy's mom willingly terminated her parental rights, and it was deemed the best option for Izzy in the court. So Abbi adopted Izzy. When it was official and she moved in after season two was wrapped up, Izzy cried genuinely for the first time in a long time.

No one on the show besides Eva, Owen, Chris, and Chef know about Izzy and Noah being siblings.

Izzy did not change her last name, though, because it's her grandparents, and she loves her grandparents. Her grandparents are still very upset with their daughter for just terminating her parental rights and not telling them. But they are also grateful to Abbi because they aren't really fit to take care of Izzy due to their age. Plus, her grandma needs around the clock care.

• Izzy is the one to help Noah win the comeback challenge. She knows he's capable of doing it himself, but she wanted to give her bro a boost just in case.

• I said it before, but once again, Owen being voted off just as Noah came back was one of the reasons why he decided, "Fuck it," and became the schemer Chris knew he could be. His sights are immediately set on Blaineley. No way was she staying when she had the biggest hand in Owen's elimination. He immediately began as soon as he and Alejandro were in First Place, so Alejandro got a front row show to Noah scheming.

He's definitely not swooning! You're swooning!

When Blaineley started going around broadcasting the "pros" of forming an alliance with her, Noah immediately went to Chef and basically threatened his father figure that if he joined the shedevil he would have hell to pay. Chef isn't intimidated easily... but the kid is scary when he wants to be.

• Before she was taken off the show, Izzy had/has a habit of biting her friends. Everyone else on the plane was baffled, though, when she did it to Noah, and he just bit her back. Like??? Hello??? (Izzy shows affection through biting, [though she just bites a lot in general], and Noah bites a lot, but he's better at masking the habit than Izzy. But if she is doing it affectionately, then Noah has no problem reciprocating. Actually, to be fair, he is always down to bite back. Affection or not.)

• When Noah was kicked off and on Aftermath, he overheard some of the interns talking about the whole Aleheather plot line and at first he was pissed and hurt and felt like he needed a good cry when he heard the said interns talk about how it was a deal with the show. That had Noah pausing and actively eavesdropping as the interns spoke over the phone (he noticed that now) to interns he knew were on the plane.

They were complaining about how hard it was trying to sell the relationship with Noah on board, and now that he was gone, they could try and focus on it more. But an intern on the plane just laughed at that and went on to gossip about how sad Alejandro was now that Noah was gone.

It gave Noah hope. But he still needed to find proof of this deal.

• Thus, a Team E-Scope heist commences. The target was the Deals folder on the networks computer systems. No hacking would be needed considering Noah knew all the passwords and logins, but he needed enough time to get into an employees only area, then find the computer/editing room and access the system. And he needed no witnesses.

Izzy is so down, and so is Eva, but mainly because she's bored.

• Noah ended up confirming the deal and had never felt happier but then depressed because he realized how he had been avoiding Heather and how he had let Alejandro get between their friendship. He really liked Alejandro, but now he was frustrated because he also really liked being friends with Heather.

This was also a reason he fought so hard to win the comeback challenge. He wanted to fix his relationship with Heather, maybe see if a relationship with Alejandro was possible, and to piss off the producers.

• When Owen was voted off, he was sad because he just got his little buddy back, but before he jumped, he revealed to Alejandro that he knows the guy doesn't like being called Al but Owen did it one purpose and got the others to call him that and that he's not sorry. He gave Noah one last hug before he jumped and laughed maniacally the whole way down as he remembered everyone's shocked faces. But especially Alejandro's.

This may or may not have earned him a teensy weensy bit of Alejandro's respect.

• After he got Blaineley out, Noah's next target was Sierra. Views be damned!!! He is done taking shit and doing what the producers wanted, and he is going to make it everyone's problem. This basically started a chain reaction of Alejandro and Heather putting a stop to their deal because at this point, it wasn't worth it and from their understanding, things were already not going the way the network/producers wanted.

Chris started hosting more like how he wanted than what was expected of him, and he did it all with the biggest smile. The smile may also be because Noah gave him blackmail to use in case his job was threatened.

• No Chinese Fake-Out...well, definitely not the way it happens in Canon. It's still a race and an eating competition, but it's more of a roulette situation where most of the food is great, but one is awful and Chris has to correctly guess who has the awful food. If he guesses correctly, the person is eliminated from the round.

Noah's got this in the bag because his sister Nila likes playing food games at home. Such as challenges from Hell's Kitchen or even the old eating challenges in Survivor, and of course, she roped her siblings into participating.

Alejandro decidedly does not have this in the bag.

Trent is traumatized from his season one eating challenge and is very hesitant to do this. (Yes. Trent makes it to the merge. :D)

• When Sierra was gone, Cody had been so overjoyed that he immediately hugged Noah and kissed his cheek. It probably would have been more than one kiss, but Noah pushed the guy away at the same time Alejandro pulled Noah away. Noah just said the most basic welcome that was a little fond because yeah, Cody was his friend, but Cody couldn't focus on that because Alejandro was glaring at him like his very existence was offending him.

• Now that Chris gets to run the show how he wants, there are way more costumes! For him and the cast!

• Alejandro keeps pulling the, "As your husband..." card with Noah, and even though secretly he is pleased, it still flustered him like no tomorrow, and he just yells, "That marriage was not legally binding!"

Heather is all for this development and responds with, "I was a witness. You're totally married."

• All the viewers are confused about the switch up of dynamics between Alejandro and Heather, but more are all for the new dynamics between Noah and Alejandro.

• Trent and Gwen made the merge instead of Duncan and Courtney! And since they see Noah not give a shit they just decide not to care also and start to flirt with each other as much as they can.

• Sierra got a major talking to once she was on Aftermath about her behavior and had to watch clips of herself. Many of the cast refused to be in the room with her there and waited until her segment was over, and she was escorted away before they came back. Is this the catalyst of change? Maybe.

Next

[helenekuragina]

while trying to make any of the characters in great comet more nuanced is kind of a lost cause due to how out of context it is, the sanitization of pierre truly does kill me because pierre is many things but he is never supposed to just be an explicitly Good Man. and in the case of great comet it truly does feel less like an oversight and more like a conscious decision to make pierre seem less complicated and therefore easier to position as a good, kind, main character when that's just... not who he is. i understand why that's the way that a Musical would decide to position him, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating as a war and peace fan

the specific way that the duel is added kind of baffles me because i do think it benefits from the added context in theory but rather than just providing context it instead warps it and i end up questioning what purpose it really serves? throwing in a random event from literally 5 years earlier in the novel's timeline without adding any of the fallout is such a questionable decision and truly just leads to such a warped perception of hélène and pierre's relationship

by having pierre be certain of hélène's infidelity before the duel with dolokhov, it completely writes over the purpose of the duel in the first place. in the novel, this is the moment where pierre begins hating hélène, where he decides he has to leave and therefore sets off on the beginning of his spiritual journey. it's also notable that the affair is never actually explicitly said to be happening, either. pierre hears a Rumor and he reacts violently to both dolokhov and to her, threatening to kill her and throwing a marble slab at her before leaving petersburg. meanwhile, the musical takes place 5 years later where he has (reluctantly) reunited with her and he's currently [insert the lyrics of 'pierre' here], etc etc. he's resigned to his loveless marriage already, so the duel cannot have anywhere near the emotional impact nor purpose that it did in the novel. so what is its purpose in the great comet???

the easiest answer is that in contextualizes why hélène is so well-suited to be the one to "seduce" natasha and ease her worries about not being loyal to andrei, but even then that was never the way that hélène seduced natasha. she seduced her with her beauty and influence because those were things that natasha admired and wanted. so it's not exactly necessary there. the other explanation is to position her as a more clear antagonist for pierre, but this also just pushes him further into that "bumbling and kind guy who things kinda just happen to" role that isn't entirely inaccurate but isn't really accurate either

you can't have his violence towards her after the duel because the duel in the context of the musical doesn't have the same emotional impact from the novel that led to that outburst but without it and without the context of it being his reaction to a rumor (meanwhile it's blatant and shown directly in the musical, giving him "reason" to hate her), it just positions pierre as a victim rather than a violent participant, which he was. when he speaks to her during the 'find anatole' scene in the novel, she is Afraid of him and she's afraid of him Because he has actually physically threatened her before. taking that kind of weight away from their characters is frankly boring and annoying, especially in terms of the conclusions it leads great comet fans to draw

[luthien-under-bough]

my meandering thoughts after ep7:

i think a lot of people are overlooking the importance of daemon's scenes in episode 7 in focusing so much on oscar tully. like ok sure it is objectively funny to see daemon be read for filth by a teenager, but this is not some meta punishment doled out by the writers because they hate his character - or even oscar "gagging" daemon. this is daemon directly responding to rhaenyra's accusation during their ep2 argument: "I think you used my words as an excuse to take your own revenge… to indulge the darkness you keep sheathed within you like a blade." Oscar's own words to willem blackwood call back to this: "it is true that he made clear his base desires, but you did not have to pursue such savagery. You did it… because you wanted to."

like yes, daemon is being humbled, but he is also specifically acting contrary to his own desires, and choosing to do what is necessary in service to rhaenyra's claim. it's obvious in the look he shares with ser simon, and in his shifting expression from anger to acceptance as he realizes he must do this to earn the crucial support of the riverlords. i do not think the daemon of episode 2/3 would have responded this way. he would have given into that impulse that's telling him to smack oscar around and burn the lot of them. he is putting aside what he would do, in favor of what rhaenyra needs him to do.

And the look on his face afterwards is full of horror - for the first time we really see him haunted by his own act of violence, when we've typically seem him remorseless or flippant (rhea royce, vaemond velaryon, the unnamed body they used for laenor's "death") if it advances his aims. this contrasts with rhaenyra in this same episode, where we see her really indulging in violence for the first time - she sacrifices the dragonseeds in pursuit of finding new dragonriders, which is also a repudiation of her and daemon's earlier argument, where he accused her of being too weak to spill blood to achieve greatness.

(literally everything they do ties back to one another, their influence on one another, and which parts of each other and viserys they choose to internalize and express - two halves of a whole, indeed - so it baffles me that most daemyras are unsatisfied with this storyline just because they aren't physically together, but that's a story for another post)

daemon's scene in the Harrenhal godswood leads directly into the vision with viserys, where he is confronted with the question of whether or not he still wants the crown (really, if he ever actually wanted it - or was it just a symbol of his brother's love, of recognition, of the ultimate tool to achieve power and respect in this world). he's just had to make a choice and take an action that conflicts with his own worldview, of what strength and loyalty means, of the acceptability to the ends justifying the means, of the ramifications of the collateral damage that such choices have - which is all tied into the true weight of bearing the crown. is he really cut out for this? i think it's clear the answer will be 'no' - and it will reaffirm his support for rhaenyra, at the same time her own journey has brought her to a place where she has found a way to wield her power and authority in a way that can be respected (and feared) and is independent of her reliance on daemon's martial prowess and masculinity.

if there's still any doubt that daemon's visions all have purpose and are moving him forward, i really don't know what to tell you. it's frustrating to see his arc reduced to "daemon is doing nothing all season" because most of it has been internal. both daemon and rhaenyra have grown from the accusations levied at one another in their argument, and i think are positioned well for a reunion that allows them to "finish their conversation" from a place where they are both more able to function within the parameters of their strange and unique relationship as sovereign/consort, husband/wife. uncle/niece, and even brother/sister (as their relationship to viserys is very much reminiscent of siblings competing for their father's love and attention). it's a very clear arc to me, and i am very excited to see how it all comes together in the finale (as well as how this sets the stage for future conflict between them).

(the " but in the book…" arguments about daemon at this point are also weak IMO, because daemon basically does nothing during this section in the book. and because the show has added different dimensions to his character that simply do not exist in the source material. his time in harrenhal is summed up in a couple of paragraphs. the riverlords all honor their oaths without conflict - and he fights in the battle of Stone Hedge, which you can mourn as an adaptational choice you do not agree with, but personally i think it's far less interesting than what we were given in the show.)

this is where i wish the fandom at large would give the writers a little more credit, and extend your faith a little further. sure there are some odd choices throughout, and yes they have taken adaptational liberties you may not agree with - but as we near the end of the season, the overall vision for daemon (and rhaenyra) is clearer, and i think it will be even more rewarding looking back on the season as a whole.

[mari-lair]

your posts about this newest chapter are so real because it disappointed me so much.

It was way too lighthearted and just seemed like a huge joke. I was expecting the trial to have suspense where you can really feel for the characters and wonder what will happen next, but it just ended up being comedic. It was funny, I’ll give it that, but I really really wanted some angst.

This may just be me, but Teru felt so out of canon to me. I can understand him putting on that “flawless student council” mask but it feels odd considering he is around mostly supernaturals. He is shown to be very intelligent and considering he is an exorcist and they are school mysteries why tf would that “look at how beautiful I am I could never” argument work. It was funny, sure, but just seemed out of canon for him.

Akane felt a little out of canon too to me? Probably not but he seemed to fully accept his role as a judge with little to no guilt at all. We don’t really get him looking guiltily at Teru or feeling frustrated, he’s just kind of there. Probably because (as always) the story focused on Hanako, Yashiro, and Tsukasa.

NOW UGHH TSUKASA IS SO FAVORITED ITS PAINFUL. You’re telling me after all that suspense around the clock keepers he takes them out in TWO PANELS. The clock keepers seem like a fucking joke in this chapter instead of the powerful mysterious beings they have shown to be previously.

Overall I expected something much more satisfying and I hope next chapter will be a little better because the last chapter got me so excited for nothing.

just my opinion though, I know some people enjoyed this chapter and that’s totally ok! just not my personal favorite

That's a mood ya-rr-ow. Big mood.

Many people enjoyed the chapter, and I'm happy for them, but I was also majorly disappointed so I'll talk about what you mentioned here and add some other things.

(I will just focus on the negatives here so if you're feeling hyped about the chapter. I am sorry, I wouldn't recommend reading this)

Okay let's go

Chapter 108 went out of its way to create a tense atmosphere, it was mostly a set up and hype piece for the trial.

Mirai was a beast, but Akane was the one that really set up the tone. He had the power to make Teru harmless, which only hyped up the other clock keepers since he is the lowest ranking keeper. Mirai and Kako's supposed power was said to be dangerous enough to make Akane, who hates supernaturals and is so firm in his beliefs, feel cornered, switch sides to 'do his duties', his vague words hinting that there is more to this trial than it seems on the surface.

So I don't think we were being delusional to expect this trial to be dramatic. To have angst. Or at least, character dept. To be important.

But despite the trial being the title, the spotlight, we got none of it: Not only is the trial treated as a joke, which I already don't vibe with considering how tense the atmosphere in chapter 108 is. It is an empty joke.

It doesn't teach us anything about the characters, it doesn't give any new information. Nothing.

Hanako's trial was a gag. He isn't even my priority character, but considering how he have the title of 'leader of the mysteries' and had been put on trial before for the Yorishiro's destruction, it is a baffling choice to make Kako not mention this big BIG crime when judging him.

Nene's trial 'revealed' she likes Hanako and want to confess to him. Which she has been doing this whole manga.

We could talk about her time crimes (every time travel that made her meet Amane), try to bargain her lifespan since this is the main conflict in the story and they are talking to the keepers of time. They could talk about her crime of helping to destroy the yorishiros with Hanako, or just acknowledge she is still a threat since she is the Kannagi, the only one capable of ripping their yorishiro in the first place. But no, those are stupid, let's spend 4 full pages of a monthly manga to tease a confession she already did in the very previous chapter.

Teru revealed he has some craving for destruction on him. Which surprise, surprise! It also isn't new information! How nice!

( I talked about his love for the idea of destruction and how it's almost an escapism recently, here you go if you're curious)

About Teru and Akane's acting weird. That's not them being ooc, that's Aidairo making a narrative choice to not take anything serious, including his own characters. Everyone is acting like themselves, and nothing contradicts what has been established about their personalities, but their competence has been drastically downgraded to move the plot quickly.

Teru has the bad habit of becoming pathetic when he has strong feelings, like locking himself in his room and hiding under the covers after his fight with Kou, immediately hitting Akane's stab wound when he is too late to rescue aoi cause the situation stressed him. So it is in character that he wants to kill Akane, who has always been his stress relief.

However, because Teru takes things so personally, and it was stablished in chapter 108 that Teru is way more bothered by Akane's betrayal than being in a court of law, it makes no sense that he treat it as a normal court instead of using his very obvious alibi that he couldn't destroy the clock because he was with Akane. Teru doesn't turn this court into the confrontation that would bring attention to their split up, doesn't go "Are you doing to deny my alibi now?? betray me again??" or question "So? We are here! Why did it had to be now??" or anything that builds up on the last chapter to expand it.

Cause Aidairo decided the court doesn't matter. The build up doesn't matter. Once more, the consequences are an afterthought. We don't need the answers to anything.

Akane is still guilty, he can't look at Teru in the eye, can't defend him, but he goes "!!!" when Teru finally calls for him, paying full attention.

But this is comedic. And as i mentioned above, Teru doesn't say anything useful, anything with more depth than what we already know: that he is angry by Akane's betrayal and hasn't forgiven him.

We TRULY are given nothing in this trial.

Which is insane, cause even the promo art had details to build intrigue, a vague idea that while the chapter would be comedic in nature, it would explain more about the clock keepers, or at least expand on their boundaries.

Like, what are those numbers on the scale? will they be judged by year? Will a lie make their time be stolen? oooh what could it be! Can't wait for the chapter!

And the chapter comes, and there is nothing. The whole trial feels like filler. They treated the audience as a fool for being excited.

That's why this big twist at the end? I don't care.

As you said Tsukasa is overpowered, they are Aidairo's golden child. And they will break established lore rules and make a joke out of everyone else just cause he can.

It's not just Teru and Akane who were nerfed to make the plot move faster, not allowed to have any proper focus. The clock keepers were also a joke, acting 'in character' but more incompetent than they have been stablished to be.

Tsukasa op moment doesn't make me go "wow he is so cool" it made me look at the clock keepers and go "You are all are stupid"

Cause Tsukasa has the judgment seal?? And he was already sentenced as guilty??? There are three clock keepers in the room too? So why not... you know... restrict him again...?

The clock keepers is a school rumor that was introduced all the way back in chapter 23. Like you said they are supposed to be super op! They are a mystery so hyped up that just Mirai's power (who isn't the strongest keeper) can throw the intire school into chaos in the Near Shore, where supernaturals are debuffed.

Even before Tsukasa attacked he made the clock keepers act incompetent, to make him look more mysterious and cool in comparison.

These very old and supposedly op school mysteries know Yugi Amane is Hanako, but they don't know who Amane's twin brother 'Tsukasa' is, they also don't refer to him as a yorishiro despite the seal being in his face, and use titles for every other character (Leader of the school mysteries. Kannagi. Student Body Representative)

Which might look like a small thing, silly nitpick, but it shows the favoritism isn't just for a twist. Aidairo naturally likes Tsukasa more than his own narrative, and is willing to make others be less competent for the sake of it.

I don't think Kako will die. That would objectively be bad writing at this point. He'll probably be back in the next chap, a la "teru got fucked up by No.6" and "Akane got stabbed by Aoi but he lives bitch" or even "i always had a ton of clones, like Mei of the art room" but it is still disappointing to see him and Mirai get fucked up in their own boundary after all the hype they have accumulated through the story.

There is a hint Akane can be a yorishiro at the end of the chapter, and that is cool, genuinely really cool, but I am tired of getting excited over possibilities and 'promises for the future'. I want something concrete.

Speaking of which, I don't think Akane will die. This is just another bait to keep reading like when No.6 slashed Teru, Kou, and Akane and we didn't get any answers for a few months before 'oh well nothing happened :) no consequences to be had here folks!'

"But Tsukasa has always killed everyone that he pulled the heart of! there is Mitsuba, and The puffer fish of the mermaid, and the previous No.3 (the bird)" And to that I say I trust Akane's ability to say fuck to fate.

My boy gets new death flags every year, he collects them like pokemon cards, you all should have gotten used to it.

He also survived his bae stabbing him, this isn't new. Sucks to be Tsukasa and die by a stab in the gut and all but Akane is built differently (quite literally with two bodies).

He is also in his own boundary, so if Aoi doesn't kill him while in the territory of another mystery, but he dies in No.1's boundary I will... idk probably just sigh.

In short, Aidairo treated this as joke, so I will treat their cliffhanger as one too. Give me reasons to care in chapter 110. Cause at the moment? I don't.

[karmarox]

Fallen Gods and the Curse of the Crowns

Wanted to share an idea/headcanon I had about the Follower Bishops. This is based off of how they are when they first arrive at the Cult + their traits, expanding and adding more lore/story potential around the idea.

Essentially, the now Mortal Bishops all have a curse placed on them due to how they used their crowns, and then being separated from them after being connected to them for so long.

Leshy Curse of Chaos: Has random sudden fits of "Bad Luck" where he gets struck by misfortune. -It's not actually that debilitating, he never was a particularly strong Bishop and left Darkwood to its own chaotic devices most of the time. -Most of the time it manifests as just a weird string of chaotic and perfectly timed happenstance that leads to him being inconvenienced or put in a compromising position or tossed around like a ragdoll. -The rest of the Cult can only watch baffled whenever things just seem to randomly go wrong around Leshy in impossible, bizarre ways. (He finds it kinda funny, honestly)

Heket Curse of Famine: Has random, unpredictable bouts of extreme hunger pangs. -They can happen at any time, even immediately after already eating to the point of fullness or in the middle of the night while she's sleeping. -If she doesn't eat to stave off these pangs she could very well collapse. (And has multiple times due to being too prideful to let the Lamb or the other Followers help her, at first) -Takes to always carrying food and snacks on her as a result. -The Lamb gave her a key to the food stores and free access to the kitchen because of her condition. She hates them for "pitying" and "mocking" her. -Gets extremely uppity if people waste food. Maybe that's why she hasn't actually sabotaged the food stores even though she states she definitely could and the Lamb is a fool for giving her easy access.

Kallamar Curse of Pestilence: Very poor health. Frail, gets tired easily on most days, and prone to fever and illness. -Pretty much constantly in danger of catching a cold, fever, migraines, or whatever illness is floating around the area at the time. -It doesn't help that he doesn't particularly sleep well and also strives to push himself to get into the Lamb's good graces. -Frequent visitor to the Healing Bay because of it. -In actuality, he's the first to notice how all of the Former Bishops have strange ailments and occurrences surrounding them that are rather coincidentally related to their former domains. -Theorizes that they've all been cursed due to their abuse of the crowns, since all of their afflictions are related to how they usually treated mortals they didn't like (he especially is aware of how prone he was to taking his frustrations out on his followers by throwing sicknesses around without a care), and the Curse's power seems to scale with the former Bishop's, from only mildly inconveniencing and amusing Leshy to being horribly debilitating for Kallamar and Shamura.

Shamura Curse of War: Enters sudden fits of rage and hostility, lashing out at anyone around them no matter who it is. -These fits seem to always happen whenever Shamura is having a better, more lucid day. -They're almost perfectly timed to ruin the moment. Is Shamura in a good mood? Are they recovering more memories than usual? Are they bonding or trying to reconcile with their siblings? Are they actually befriending the other Followers? Suddenly they see red, and by the time they're lucid again whatever they had is poisoned and gone. -For some reason, this particular Curse seems have a strange effect on the Lamb. Whenever they get close to each other or have any sort of insightful conversation, it seems like instead of Shamura being hit by a bout of rage, they'll inevitably end up saying the wrong thing that will send the Lamb into a rage instead. Not even the Lamb knows why being around Shamura makes them so much easier to upset. -They end up becoming rather reclusive after realizing how they always seem to sabotage themselves and any bond they try to have, old or new. Not to mention horribly depressed. They even avoid the other Bishops whenever they feel particularly lucid.

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

okay so i just stumbled upon your blog and the first thing i saw was the pianjeong tag.

i have to ask.

do you ship piandao and jeong jeong??? do other people ship piandao and jeong jeong ???? is pianjeong a thing, and if so, WHY ?????

i'm truly baffled but i want to be enlightened

(i know you sent this a while ago sorry, took me some time to figure out how to respond and gather all the links to fic)

yes, yes, and yes, though of course it's a pretty niche thing since it's about minor characters.

as to why - imo it stems from the fact that if you want to ship either of them with someone, the other is the most obvious choice. around the same age, fellow white lotus member, fellow ex-fire nation military, easy to interpret as gay. like no, they don't have any canon interaction, but it's easy to imagine that they've interacted offscreen.

for my part, i got into it in 2020 when my friend abby @rarepairnation came up with it while writing earth system history, a zukka fic with piandao as zuko's gay professor. when trying to find a character to be his husband, she landed on jeong jeong, and then decided to go explore that dynamic with spark from a flame and we said forever (but forever wouldn't wait for us). i'd always liked both characters - i'm a sokka fan so of COURSE i like piandao, and i thought jeong jeong was fascinatingly tormented - so i was drawn in.

i think i'm still into it so many years later bc the storyline and characterizations established back then are legitimately really good. there's kind of a pianjeong "canon" to me:

they meet as young men in the fire nation military. young piandao is desperate to prove himself worthy (backstory from an old nickelodeon lore site says his parents abandoned him as a kid for being a nonbender) meanwhile young jeong jeong is a firebending prodigy (from that same lore site) vaguely uncomfortable with the status & privilege that grants him. they both crave what the other has

piandao brings a sword to a fire fight and wins. they both find the experience exhilarating - piandao is thrilled to be defeating a powerful firebender, and jeong jeong is thrilled to have someone stand up to him (spark from a flame, an old phenomenon)

they start a relationship of sorts, kept secret bc of the homophobia in the military (army dreamers)

jeong jeong deserts, leaving piandao behind (we said forever)

piandao eventually leaves the military too, traveling the world and learning the truth of the war (beyond your darkness)

they both independently end up in the white lotus

piandao offers jeong jeong a place to stay at his mansion after the war and they reconnect. it's been so long and so much has changed and jeong jeong definitely isn't in the right mental place to be in a relationship but slowly, he gets better and they get close again (i'm your light, ghosts, diary of the deserter)

like, is this kinda just two OCs in atlaverse? probably. but i think another reason i've been into it so long is that it allows me to engage with atla without always having to deal with the broader fandom discourses that frustrate me. i think atla is a pretty good show so the way fandom tends to want to change or ignore canon doesn't really appeal to me. i'd rather just play around in the universe! also i started writing a lot of pianjeong fic in 2020-2021 and tend to be a slow writer so i'm still working on it, and that keeps my interest alive.

so yeah. feel free to join us in old man yaoi if you like :)

[cherryblossomcinephile]

Genshiken: The Anime I Wish I Found Sooner!

**Based on Season 1; Episodes 1, 2, 3, & 9** 

Written by Shimoko Kio, Genshiken offers a take on geek culture in college that’s shockingly relatable! This anime follows Kanju Sasahara, a shy freshman finding his place in a group of friends which he finds within the Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture, also known as Genshiken. 

As many people know, starting college can be a daunting experience especially when you aren’t sure where you fit in. Sasahara is drawn to Genshiken but he isn’t sure if he wants to own the otaku label. Otaku holds many meanings but in general, its a Japanese term used to describe someone with a strong obsession with pop culture. In the case of Genshiken, its main interests seem to those centered around manga and anime. While Sasahara is unsure about the otaku title, his classmate Makoto Kousaka joins the group effortlessly fitting in like he’s been there the whole time. Soon after joining, Sasahara joins in on the club’s activities which included visiting the local shops. While on their outing, Sasahara learns more about the club’s favorite stores and he also learns that there is a strategic way of shopping as some stores take longer to fully appreciate the offerings. This can reflect real world fan culture. In Japan, as well as worldwide, fan culture runs high for sports, television shows, bands, and more. With the love of their favorite media, fans visit stores both in person as well as online browsing for whatever they may be collecting or looking for. 

As Sasahara becomes an official member of Genshiken, he learns even more about the otaku culture. His first adventure buying doujinshi (self published anime) was filled with self doubt but that mirrors real things young people face especially when living away from home for the first time without the guidance of their parents. The club’s discussions about anime and manga also show Sasahara how passionate they are. 

A big contrast within Genshiken is Kousaka’s girlfriend Saki Kasukabe. She struggles tro understand Kousaka’s passion and her frustration is multiplied when she tries to get him interested in more “normal” activities only for him to remain oblivious. Saki later learns that Kousaka had a girlfriend in middle school and this makes her jealous as well as confused because in her mind, it baffles her that someone so into otaku culture could have had a previous relationship. We see that the members of Genshiken enjoy teasing and poking fun at her which pushes her even more from learning and integrating into their world. 

Genshiken is a fantastic, heartfelt, and funny look at finding yourself in a community. I feel that this anime gives a fantastic representation of what its like going to college and trying to find your place. If you’re into fandom culture, I think you’ll find this anime enjoyable! 

[ooihcnoiwlerh]

I Wrote Another Thing!

For people who follow Some Things Are Meant to Be on AO3 first of all, I am so, so sorry for how slowly I've been updating. Life has hit me pretty hard and on top of that I have writer's block on how I want to continue the main story.

Second, I have been working on a companion piece that is a prequel written from both Elvis and the reader's perspectives as they navigate the lives they lead before they finally meet in early 1973. The first chapter is up on AO3 now and I can link it here:

Before You - ooihcnoiwlerh - Elvis (Movie 2022) [Archive of Our Own]

I've also fallen into the rabbit hole of Pinterest boards and have made one for the first chapter that I'll link here: (1) Pinterest.

For those who want sneak preview, I'll post tidbits below the cut:

People like to say that you're too big for your britches.  People see a scrappy kid in her sister's secondhand hand-me-downs and think it's sometimes cute and funny, sometimes exasperating how stubborn and competitive you can be.  It gets you in trouble early on; grown ups and other kids alike quick to remind you of your place.

You never listen for long.

You have a few early memories of your mother taking you into work with her a couple of times a week because you’re too young for school like your older siblings and she tells you to not bother anyone or cause a scene while she rolls out and laminates dough and makes and pipes filling.

You don’t bother anyone or cause a scene as far as you’re concerned, but you quickly lose interest in seeing your mother at work and wander off briefly which results in a thorough spanking.  You don’t get why it’s so wrong for you to want to see new places or leave your little bubble, especially when no one seems to have time for you anyway.

All things considered, it could be worse.  The two-bedroom, one-bathroom row house with paper thin walls, warped floors, and occasional faulty wiring is better than no home at all and your parents know how to shop and cook economically enough to make a grocery budget stretched to its limit feel like plenty.  It’s also not like the kids at your school have it much better and can mock you for being poor when a good chunk of them are too.  While you doubt you’ll ever develop the same love for cooking as your parents, you do like being “the little helper” in the kitchen when your siblings outgrow that title (even if your mother has more than one use for a wooden spoon that can put the fear of God in you if you cross her.)  A few of your classmates and neighborhood kids make fun of you but you still make at least a few friends.   And while they find you annoying, your older siblings still love you, even if that love sometimes feels like that baffled fondness one feels for a yappy terrier trying to sidle up to a Rottweiler.  

And for nearly as long as you can remember you love movies and big billboards with people whose names you’ve never heard splashed across them.  You coax whichever older sibling is most likely to give in to take you to all the movies and disappear, for the brief time you’re watching the screen.  You’re not little Y/F/N Y/L/N, the tagalong youngest of four with nothing to your name and no one to listen to you; you’re whoever you want to be, sharing in the adventures you see in each movie.  And someday you’ll be in those movies, and be that person for another lonely and frustrated child who wants to escape.

At first you decide you want to be an actress.  After all, for a child there’s little else you really understand that goes into making a movie.

“That’s what I’m gonna do,” you announce to your parents and of course they think you're being ridiculous.  They also can't afford to fund your little fantasy even if they wanted to.

But there are school plays and musicals you try out for and get into.  You find that you have a perfectly fine singing voice and an aptitude for matching pitch.  It doesn't take you too long to learn choreography or lines.

It's fun, and you get the impression that you have some moderate talent for it.

But you start to realize that you’re not amazing.  You’re not sure why some part of you was hoping you’d be some kind of prodigy, but you’re definitely not.  And that’s fine; it’s been said that success is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration, but you also don’t love it.  You don’t feel the same thrill that you hear real actors do onstage.  You don’t transform into your character or become this larger-than-life persona like the stars and starlets you see onscreen.  You’re still little Y/F/N Y/L/N, just in grease paint and a costume giving a “solid, even charming” performance.

Funny thing, you don’t then lose interest or decide that show business isn’t for you, after all when you come to that realization.  You just wonder what it is you should be doing if not acting.

You’re not that interested in lighting or set building.  The technical aspects of filmmaking interest you to some extent, but what fascinates you is how it all comes together.

"Maybe directing, then?” a friend who still humors you tells you after rehearsal and before you have to go home.

“Maybe.”  The next time you go to the movies, you pay attention to the credits and all the different job titles.  You’ve matured enough to understand a lot more goes into making a movie than the people onscreen and so mentally pick through and notice “A Cecil B. DeMille Production” and “Produced and Directed by Cecil B. DeMille.”

What does a producer do, exactly? you wonder, and after a bit of digging you find out.  A producer oversees the entire picture as a whole and promotes it so that audiences actually come to see it.  They're the ones pushing them during awards season.  And that…sounds perfect.  You help bring the entire thing together, as it were, and you realize that was what you wanted all along.

"I think you stand a better shot at being an actress," people tell you when you explain your new career plans.

It's a man's world, of course.  And men entirely different from any that you've met.  And yet, somehow, it never really occurs to you that your dreams are impossible.  

You never stop believing that you'll be able to do anything you put your mind to.  At times that belief is all you really have.

...........................

Everything changes again one night right when Elvis is twenty, when they get the chance to perform for KWKH station’s Louisiana Hayride. 

It’s certainly the largest crowd they’ve played so far, the farthest they’ve ventured out.  It’s the first time anyone’s going to record them live, and that’s the part that terrifies him the most.  He pictures himself freezing, forgetting all the lyrics, and who knows, maybe simultaneously throwing up and pissing himself onstage before being booed into oblivion.  Scotty and Bill try to talk him down.  Dixie, sweet Dixie, who’s two years his junior and who he’s pretty sure he’s going to propose to after the end of her senior year, offers him a soda that he can’t drink because his stomach’s already foaming like it has rabies.

Twenty-six different states all listening in.  It’s too much.  He gets the sweats and the shakes performing in front of tiny crowds at clubs for almost zero money.

“What if I forget the words on live radio?” he asks.

He calms down enough, encircled by Scotty and Bill, by Dixie, by his parents, to steel his resolve once they’re called to the stage.

He’s still shaking like a leaf, feeling nauseous and sweaty as he barely registers Lorace Hogan’s words as he introduces himself and isn’t entirely sure what’s spilling out of his mouth as he tries to thank everyone and introduce the song and then…silence.  Elvis can sense Bill and Scotty getting nervous behind him as he can’t quite get the sound out, as he freezes.  A guy around his age in the audience calls him a fairy and tells him to get a haircut.

And while, for some reason, he was terrified of this very thing, the sudden noise is what spurs him on.  It shocks him into clarity.  That’s the worst of it, then: some stranger spouting nothing he hasn’t already heard before.  He can just move on and do the song.  He takes a deep breath, and he lets loose.

It’s a fun song; Elvis likes the bouncy rhythm of it and playful tone and finds it comfortable in his range.  He thinks that he and the guys play it pretty well.

What he doesn’t expect is for the amount of girls and women in the audience to start screaming; it starts out as a few giving little shrieks, jumping in their seats, but then the number grows, and he’s not sure why.

At the instrumental break he turns to Bill and Scotty for some explanation and the answer is, “The wiggle!  Them girls wanna see you wiggle!  Move, man!  More!  Much more!”

Funny; he hadn’t been fully aware of the fact that he was wiggling.  But these girls sure seem to like it.  So he keeps moving, keeps feeling the music and lets it take over.  The screams, the near-hysteria from the audience keep him going like they’re fuel and he’s a pink Cadillac and for a couple of minutes he’s never felt more powerful.  As one final gesture he reaches out into the audience, and they nearly pull him off the stage, tearing his jacket off of him.

And he leaves the stage, stunned, like he’s just had an out of body experience.

That was real.  That was all real; the show, and the audience’s reaction to it.  To him.  To some extent he’d known that the audiences enjoyed him, that for the last few years anyway that some girls liked him, but he’s never felt their reaction so deeply before.

He knows, in this moment, he’ll never be the same.

.........................

Elvis promises both Mama and Dixie that he hasn’t gotten to any foolin around on the road and so far he’s managed to keep his promise.  It’s not easy, granted. A lot of pretty girls would love to be in his hotel room where he stays, alone.  It’s funny; while he started dating back in high school, he’s never felt so deeply wanted until now.  

It’s an intoxicating feeling, like one night when he was younger and tried drinking peach brandy.  So at first he reminds himself of the morning after trying the peach brandy when he spent the majority of it throwing up and swearing to God above that he’d never touch the stuff again.  He flirts with the audience, tries to hide how flustered he feels to see so many girls throw their unmentionables onstage when he performs, and stops there.

It comes to a head, albeit not literally, when a woman his age, perhaps a little older, invites herself into his hotel room without a word.  He recognizes her from earlier, when she’d asked for his autograph after the concert.  She’d said her name was Natalie and he’d noticed even then the raw sex appeal she’d exuded, how she’d seemed interested in him but not in the breathless, star-struck way the other girls were.  More like he was a fun new toy she wanted to play with.  It had thrown him off guard but he’d almost been able to forget, until now.

His resistance has been falling each night.  He knows that he could easily ask this woman to leave.  Instead he turns his head to watch her sashay past him.  He takes in the sight of her supple curves shown off to almost dizzying effect in her tight little dress and she smirks over her shoulder, aware of how he's watching her as she drops her purse on the edge of the bed.  One that Elvis had been getting ready to retire to; he’s taken his shoes and socks off and had been working on his shirt before opening the door.  He stares, dumbfounded at her confidence and the way this woman’s skirt hugs her hips and backside.

He knows that he's on the verge of something new once more, that if he keeps going there's no returning to who he was before.

He shuts the door and turns to face her.  His heart pounds, he feels flushed and hot, his nerves on fire.

He could easily ask her to leave.  He should.  He should tell her that there’s some misunderstanding, that he’s flattered but he has a girl back home who’d be crushed if he fooled around with someone else.  He wouldn’t have to tell this woman that he’s never actually fooled around with his girlfriend, either.

“I haven’t done as much as you probably think,” he says instead.

......................

Ma sent you and your brother out for one last errand before the shops shut and you glance past the TVs in the home appliances store.  Your family may have moved into a nicer rowhouse with an extra bedroom and bathroom, but a television set is not a luxury your parents see any reason to throw away money on.

You’re glad, then, that you’ve been sent out this particular night because the image you see stops you dead in your tracks.

You know who this man is–you’ve heard his voice on the radio recently, the deep crooning and vivacious mix of rhythm and blues with country.  You’ve seen pictures that left you stunned at his combination of masculinity and almost ethereal beauty.  But you’ve never seen actual footage of him moving until now.

Fully dressed and before an audience he moves with untamed energy, rocking his hips in a way that just looks so primal that you can hardly believe it’s real.

It feels like you shouldn’t be allowed to see this.  Technically, he’s not doing anything wrong; it’s not like his thing is actually out for you to look at.  It’s not like he’s actually–well–you blush, watching as his hips go between undulating like the rolling tide and bouncing frenetically.  You let out an involuntary gasp, face flushing.  

While your eyes travel everywhere, noting his pretty face and plush lips, his long hair, you keep looking at, well, the area in between his legs you know is forbidden until marriage.  The part of him that you have only the vaguest knowledge of and have been told is meant for making babies only, just like your flower that's been bleeding every month for two years now.  You know the mechanics, and think about them sometimes with a detached sort of curiosity but no particular real desire.  

In between your own legs you throb, feeling hot.  You can't move, can't look away.  You've never seen anything quite like this.  Never felt quite like this or so deeply.  Once again you forget how long you’re standing there and staring at the vision before you.

“Y/N, what’re you looking at?  We need to–” your brother sees the monitor, looks at you, and rolls his eyes as he shakes his head.  “Oh, for–you can drool over that guy later.  Come on."

You immediately bristle, ashamed and almost afraid.  Is it really so obvious that you were thinking such indecent thoughts?  

"Oh, screw you!" you tell him, flushed now from embarrassment.

Your brother feigns an offended gasp.  "She's cursing now!  What next?" He reaches for your arm to tug you away and you pull away.

“I’m not a child!” you tell him, and he rolls his eyes. 

"Remember this conversation in four years.  Now come on."

Your brother doesn't bring it up later.  He could easily tease you about it in front of your sister and parents and a few years ago probably would've.  You're grateful; since you're the youngest and the only one who hasn't dated at all yet, and your parents hate the mere suggestion of that changing anytime soon.  But they also want you to get married.  If you had the gall to sass them, you’d ask if they knew you’d have to eventually date to marry.

That night you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what you saw.

You feel wet, but not like you're about to pee.  You squirm as you think about how you’ve heard whispers of people taking care of their…urges…alone.  And you keep thinking about it as you desperately want something to rock against, to rub against the ache between your legs.

You can't.  You mustn't.  You shouldn't.

Although if your sister wasn't sleeping just a few feet away, you probably would at least try, even if you wouldn’t have any clue what you’re doing.

You give a small whine through closed lips and throw yourself onto your side, flopping around in bed like a fish out of water.    

You groan, embarrassed, and after a moment fish out the magazine you’ve kept hidden under a book in your nightstand along with your flashlight.  You silently apologize to your older sister as you pull the covers up and turn on the flashlight.  You catalog everything you see, every detail.

You wonder what he looks like under those baggy suits.  You know enough of the basics of a man's anatomy but wonder, still.  He's slender but not too thin.  Would his…his thing match that or be thick like a…a Coke can?  Is that even possible?  You've heard that he's six feet tall.  Would that mean he'd be long?  You're not sure what "long" would even look like.  You haven't been so bold as to ask your sister (who you know for a fact has gone all the way already with her fiance and that's part of why they're engaged now) nor any of her friends.  Right now you wish you had, so you have a better frame of reference.  You wonder how it would feel nestled within you.  

You've never even been kissed and already you're thinking about far more than that.  It's safe to imagine, though, that he's a wonderful kisser.  With those soft-looking full lips he can probably do a lot; you're not sure exactly what, but your body seems to understand things your brain hasn't learned yet.

You end up falling asleep with your flashlight in your hand and the magazine pressed against your cheek.

.......................................

The Colonel asks him what he’s going to sing tonight.

“I’ve made no decision,” Elvis says, not in any particular mood to pretend that he’s happy with the Colonel right now.  “I’ll feel it.”

The cop smirks and cheerfully tells him it will all go fine, “just so long as you don’t wiggle a finger!”

And that does it.  Something snaps within him, even as he sits still and quiet, face still impassive as he gazes out the window at the massive crowd that’s formed.   A crowd of people who are there for him because they responded to who he actually is, not the neutered parody of himself that Steve Allen and the Colonel have been trotting him out as.

I’m here for them, not for any of the people who want to hold me back.

As he’s being announced, as he and his guys start to ascend the stage, the Colonel grabs Elvis’s arm.

“All you gotta do is sing the nice song, smile the nice smile, no wiggling, and then we can get back to show business!  And have fun, my boy!  Fun!” he says, either not noticing or not caring about the coiled tension in Elvis’s body, the way Elvis doesn’t respond.  A little over two years ago Elvis thought the Colonel had all the answers to questions he never even thought to ask.  He thought the Colonel understood him better than anyone else in show business possibly could.  Right now he’s not so sure.

What he is sure of is that something needs to change, and he’s going to be the one to do it.

Now.

He knows for a fact the cop who drove him here is in attendance, watching and seething as Elvis points one pinky in the air, and that knowledge makes him smirk.  For a moment he feels like a prowling lion, ready for the attack.  

“Trouble,” he instructs the band.

“I’m gonna show you what the real Elvis is like tonight!” he cries out to the audience.

‘Fuck you,’ he thinks, the moment the first chord hits.

‘Fuck you,’ he thinks, as he begins with, “If you’re lookin for trouble, you came to the right place.”

He won’t lie down, he won’t give in.  He doesn’t give a shit that there’s a segregationist rally nearby and in fact he hopes he ruins the rally because fuck them, too. He doesn’t want their approval.  Elvis gyrates and writhes and screams and doesn’t give a single flying fuck what trouble he’s really causing because for the first time in months he truly feels alive.