#but it's also an exercise in patience
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in other news suzanne collins really needs to stop killing off people who have no business dying in stories sejanus sweetheart you deserved a life of light, love and joy
#abosas#sejanus plinth#thg#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#a ballad of songbirds and snakes#is a wonderful exploration of the way the machine of war eats children#hammering home the whole war is bad and children are always the ones who suffer the most and turning suffering into entertainment is evil#(for all those who missed it the first time around)#but it's also an exercise in patience#how much can you read in a go before you need to put it down#bc you know that no one will come along to bash coriolanus snow's head in with a brick#he lives to old age in luxury and power#and then dies from what probably in his head counts as natural causes#like. he wins
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(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)
#MY GIRLLLLLLLL <333333 you're doing amazing sweetie kill them all you deserve to#anyway. coping mechanism. the problems in my life i could solve if society just let me have a death note#this show really is an exercise in patience and suffering i get SO squicked out#by how much the horrible characters and situations mirror the insanity of what's happening in real life#also the revelation that some of the actors are Exactly as shitty as their characters are is. ugh.#but every time i'm like okay i can't take it i need to stop to protect my headspace#i think of kimiko and am like.... no... i need to see my gir....#hope karen gets jucy roles in other shows too PLEASE#the boys#kimiko miyashiro#karen fukuhara#theboysedit#tvedit
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I forgot to share, I tried out some woodburning recently and had a fun time:
the wood was so soft it was more like wood carving lmao but I'm hoping to doing more sometime
#it always looked fun#and getting to do a hands-on craft feels good#though next time I'll heat the tip early#and also maybe read a few tips on how to do things haha#thinking about slicing this beam and using the slices for further projects#ohoho got an idea just now#tbh I can deal with the patience thing it feels good to exercise#hard part is my hand strength is nonexistent so holding the heat pen is very difficult#worth it though#anyway enjoy wood friends
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kids these days love falling into mountain holes
#skye's doodles#little character design exercise bc its good for fighting artblock and bc my dearest friend undertale has been on my mind lately#ihad designs for these guys ages ago but i was also like 12 so it was fun to come up w new ones. maybe ill think of names for them sometime#also chara n frisk were nice to draw again i missed them so much. chara's one of the most important skye comfort characters of all time <3#undertale#frisk undertale#chara dreemurr#patience undertale#bravery undertale#integrity undertale#perseverance undertale#kindness undertale#justice undertale
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I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
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always kind of strange and uncomfortable when someone admits "yeah i basically fried my attention span on Phone so i can't do anything that requires patience now". the kind of thing where i want to say a million things in response but i tend to say nothing at all
#indexed post#The main threads are like#I think attention and patience are more complicated than people expect and it kind of needs to be seen systemically#But also it's something you just have to exercise#And also patience-requiring things can be fun sometimes. And you can mix patience things with quick reward if you want.#And I dont like to be judgmental or like 'YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW' i think shame keeps ppl in this position#but its like If U think its a problem There Is Help#I guess i'd say something like 'does this bother you?' bc people seem bothered but resigned#i think i also feel like im in a weird place with it because my attention capacities are all over the place#On account of being split into like 15 pieces#But I sure can do boring tasks sometimes.
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Sometimes the things in our lives aren't directed at us individually. It is so easy for me to look up and ask God, "Why did you do this to me?" But that is such a self-centered thing to do--especially when the thing in question is on a large scale or effects more people than just me. I think often we deal with the effects of what is happening to other people, and it may not be directed at us specifically. It can be hard to realize that when we are suffering (or "suffering") but it may not be our specific problem beyond how we handle it in the given moment and move on with our lives.
#every now and then you learn about whose problem that really was#or whose miracle inconvenienced you...but mostly you don't#i kind of think of it as divine splash damage#or really#it's probably just God multitasking#“i will provide an act of providence for this person who desperately needs it and also give this other person an exercise in patience.”
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I find it a bit frustrating that the user base on tumblr has finally clocked on to the idea that posting online is Not Activism and that we have to do something irl, but refuses to popularise knowledge about how to organise (in communities, around campaigns etc) and replicates many of the barriers to organising by positing that not having all the information about a subject is a good reason to disengage lest you should repeat some semantic error.
LISTEN TO ME. YOU WILL LEARN MORE THEORY AND BUILD SUPPORT NETWORKS BY TURNING UP TO A MEETING AND ASKING SOME QUESTIONS. reading theory online is fine and even good! but your political education is not an isolated event! you can and should learn from other people where possible and make up your own mind based on material realities IN ADDITION TO scholarly thought.
sometimes you might be wrong. sometimes you might change your mind based on new information. these are not factors that should stop you from opening your mind to working with others in search of a collectivised future
#i have to scan some resources and post them one of these days#organising is deeply frustrating but its an exercise in patience and community building that we will not survive without#and its mostly really hard bc of capitalism and its symptoms! its okay!#i definitely owe my personal politics to the organisations and groups ive worked with...not mark fisher...sorry mark fisher...#comrades arent just like ppl you know and do stuff with theyre also like an important means of safety and survival
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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#mine#death note#misa amane#instant gratification tempts me but also I can exercise self control and patience
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ur all invited to the party btw
#zoe's notebook#also sorry for the weeklong obsession with my birthday i cant help it<333#this IS a pretty big milestone so exercise ur patience✨#spilled ink#poets on tumblr#poetscorner#prose poetry#young poets#poets corner#poets and writers#im tired of tagging. whatever!
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So today was my first day teaching an after school elective theater class (10+ 2nd 3rd 4th grade girls) and holy shit y'all I have even more respect for teachers now than ever before because that was BRUTAL lmao it was like they could smell my fear and knew they could trample all over me. Maybe my viewpoint is skewed, seeing as I was a really meek, easygoing kid at that age, but I can't fathom just...blatantly ignoring the teacher when they tell you not to do something. I get theater is a bit more loosey goosey but damn I can't imagine treating any of my past theater teachers (or any adult for that matter) with such disregard. Hoping that they were just crazy because it was their first day back at school after summer break and they'll mellow out a tiny bit by next week.
There were two super sweet and responsible 4th graders that I'm probably going to have to lean on to get through to some of their classmates. Like appoint them "team leaders" or whatever.
Either way, no more Ms. Pushover next Wednesday--Miss Helen is gonna lay down the fucking LAW lol I'm going to print out a set of class rules and expectations and have the kids repeat them back to me, and I may invest in a fucking whistle to cut through how loud they can get. If any of y'all have a background in teaching or otherwise dealing with large groups of children, feel free to drop any tips or suggestions you might have to get a handle on a rowdy crowd of munchkins and gremlins without yelling or being overly strict.
#I lose almost all patience as soon as I can tell a child is fucking with me lol#like if they're genuinely confused or anxious#I'm usually very patient#but man there were a couple kids who are the physical embodiment of the worst traits of adhd#speaking as someone who has it#but not the physical part#I've never been physically hyper or restless#it's just my brain going at 100 miles an hour all the time#but cant relate to the whole bouncing off the walls thing#also that school has an insane amount of floors and the theater is in the basement level 5 floors down from the entrance#and since the elevator was in use I had to lead those kids up the most insane amount of stairs I've ever encountered#truly humbled me because I was not prepared to drag my entire 200+ lb fat ass up five stories#first time my legs have ever felt so close to just giving out entirely#and now I have exercise induced asthma which will go away in a couple hours but OOF#I literally whistle like wind through a car window when I breath rn]#euthanize me#put me down like old yeller#personal
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"This show is SO good, you should watch it!!"
I gotta be honest. If I look at a character list on Wikipedia and get five characters down without seeing a single woman, it's probably not for me.
#I have no patience for 'there is exactly one woman in the main/supporting cast' anymore#unless the writing is INCREDIBLE and the themes are explored with a type of depth and nuance I can't get anywhere else (like shiki)#(daily media plug for shiki)#then I just. probably will not vibe with it. if there are no women. (also shiki DOES have interesting female characters in it)#and this isn't to say that like. things involving men or talking about men or that have a male protagonist are Not Worth#My Time that is NOT what I'm saying at all. I just want like. several women. who show up and affect the story. like LITERALLY that is all I#am asking for. I feel like that's just. the bare minimum. but alas.#mel screams about fictional ladies again#there are plenty of things that are male-character-focused that I enjoy and even genuinely think are good! but I do want people to#ask themselves why they aren't willing to go to bat for media that DOES have more women in the cast than men.#(I mean. the answer is misogyny. but I want people to be. aware of that. and evaluate accordingly)#(evaluate meaning 'acknowledge I have some biases I need to continue deconstructing' not 'drop interest in everything tumblr#user musical-chick-13 personally doesn't like')#I feel like so many times we get trapped in this space between overcorrection via 'don't like ANYTHING that's pRoBLeMaTiC in ANY way'#and people taking the 'it's fiction it's not that deep' to the conclusion of 'because I cannot actually hurt fictional characters because#they're not real that means I am incapable of hurting irl people when they talk about those characters'#like there is. nuance here. there is a middle ground. and most people have NO interest in finding it lmao#and like...if you carry your biases from irl (which EVERYONE HAS. INCLUDING ME. COURTESY OF LIVING IN A PREJUDICED SOCIETY.) into a#direct and one-to-one evaluation of stories or characters that allow you to exercise those biased ideas. then that reinforces those biases#like. no hating...for example every anime lady isn't the same as structural misogyny like the pay gap or anti-women violence#but if you automatically associate the idea of 'female character' with 'lesser-than' it strengthens the already-present societal idea that#women are not as important or dynamic or worthy of support and attention as their male peers. if you are willing to see every (white)#fictional man as having interiority and depth but struggle to see that in any fictional woman then it adds to the things society is already#telling us about women. it creates an association of 'women' with 'inferiority' and uh. that's what misogyny is.#it is not the same as misogynistic crimes against irl women but it IS a reflection of the rhetoric and societal impulses that lead to them#and even if it's a reflection and not the actual thing. it's still important to break down and examine and reevaluate because#if we don't examine our OWN biases. then even if we tear down the greater oppressive structure we'll just end up building it back up again#no your thousands of words of m/m fanfiction or liking late 2000s shonen anime isn't responsible for misogyny nor are these things#inherently misogynistic. I just want like. some acknowledgement that something being 'for fun' doesn't automatically mean that bias/#prejudice is nowhere to be found
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I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want yo donate it I won't cut my hair short cuz I want to donate it—
#its just one more year its just one more year its just one more year its just one more year its just one more year its just one more year#AHHHHHHHHHHHH#i going to get my tips done tomorrow and oh lord. i truly want to get my hair chin level again.#but ive wanted to donate hair ever since I learned you could do it!!! and ive been a year and a half letting it grown for that!!!#it was also like a patience exercise? cuz im like the less patience person in the world and so impulse#so everytime i tried to let it grow i lasted like three months (tops) before cutting it off#i just like my hair short#so like#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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I am NOT shaming anyone for this because doing it at all is a huge undertaking but the animation snob demon in my head is eating my brain and I have to say it or else I die. But it's always a bit obvious when an artist decides to create an animatic while being entirely unfamiliar with the principles of sequential art.
And I hate that I care about this. Why does it matter if an otherwise very good animatic made out of love for a story looks like a slide show. Why do I have to be this pretentious and picky. The art is beautiful. The editing is perfectly serviceable. Why can't I just appreciate something for what it's trying to do and how do I stop immediately noticing every flaw in everything I look at.
#FUCK YOUUUU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU LITTLE BITCH BRAIN THAT KEEPS WANTING TO UNDERMINE EVERYTHING I LOVE#JUST LET ME LIKE THINGS#NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A MASTERPIECE CATERED TO YOU AND YOU ALONE#AND IT ALSO FUCKS UO OUR PERCEPTION OF OUR OWN WORK#WE DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT#WE DON'T HAVE TO REWRITE AND REDRAW SHIT 1000 TIMES TRTING TO DO IT EXACTLY HOW IT LOOKS IN OUR HEAD#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KILLS YOU KILLS YOU KILLS YOU A MILLION TIMES#vent#sorry. my standards are too high. i need to exercise understanding and patience
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it’s late night, so it’s time to think irrationally again
#the rare leigh#been feeling lonely again#Which is annoying#cause I’m not alone ya know?#I got a lovely caring wife#Two affectionate cats#And a solid handful and a half of good friends#Doesn’t stop the feeling tho#It’s not just a late night thought; it just happens to be late night rn#thinking about hrt stresses me out too (big thing on my mind lately)#Cause even if the new doc will just prescribe them immediately#I can’t get them#Cause I need the job I have to keep up with all our payments and food and shit#I feel so old too#Barely been around 3 decades#(That really is also stressing me out about hrt and body image)#Cause like#what if it takes longer than expected?#I already have little patience for exercise and healthier eating#But I have a look in mind#And I’m just not it rn#And it sucks#sorry for the pity party#Being lonely makes feel like spilling almost everything on my mind#I should go to bed#take a shower in the morning#All that jazz#sorry for the wall of tags as thoughts#it will likely happen again
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