#but it's a very minor canon thing that effects no one and very little so we'll just uhhh avert our eyes thanks

[plantfell]

Event: Homecoming - Arrival Drabble

TW: suicide / suicidal ideation and self harm

“Vash!”

The unfamiliar voice of a child calling out his brother’s name is the first thing that registers to Knives. His eyes are closed, but it’s impossible to not recognize the warmth of the sun on his skin and the taste of an arid desert breeze. It occurs to Knives that he doesn��t remember walking outside, 0r why he might be standing there with his eyes closed, or why a child might ever be outside the Ark.

“Vash!”

There’s the voice again, further away now. Right, the other sound must be small feet stomping through the sand. As more comes into focus, Knives starts to feel a nagging sense of deja vu. It lingers for a moment, then it all comes together and Knives’ eyes snap open. There’s no Ark in sight. The only building for miles is a lone church which the young boy is running towards.

Carlito.

That’s right. The child’s name is Carlito. Carlito Bond. The child of a frontier doctor. This is where Knives brought his brother after their fight. This is the last memory Knives had of No Man’s Land, but it’s not a memory. It all feels too real to just be a memory. For some reason he’s been sent home with all his memories of the island, but Knives isn’t sure that’s how this is how it’s supposed to work. Vash has been on Spirale longer maybe he- Knives takes one step towards the church, then stops.

Vash is here. Knives can feel it in his bones. If he follows Carlito inside, and down to the bunker, he has no doubt he’ll be greeted by his brother’s all too forced smile. But is it Vash? Is it the same man he’s spent the last nine months with? The points they come from all vary. If Vash was sent back too would he be sent to this point with Knives or somewhere further into the future?

Knives’ stomach churns as he considers the possibilities. He knows, of course, that whether or not the Vash of the present has memories of Spirale or not they’ll be able to rebuild their relationship. It would probably even be easier with the knowledge he has, but would it be the same or would there always be some unbreachable wall between them? He’s not even supposed to be here. It’s nothing but pure luck or the Star’s whims that he arrived before he was able to take his own life. The way things are supposed to be is that Carlito runs to get his father and Vash, and…

And Knives never really thought about the after before. It was never supposed to be something he needed to think about. His final selfish act, he supposes. Now he’s in the beginning of the after with a heavy knot in his throat and stomach. There’s too many what ifs and too many hard questions and conversations ahead.

If he stays.

Which he doesn’t. Knives gives the church one last longing look before turning and flying away. If Vash remembers, he’ll reach out. If he doesn’t… It doesn’t matter. What Knives needs to focus on is where he’s going and what his options are. The Gung-Ho Guns are done for, and the Eye of Michael isn’t an option. Their ranks already shaken by the loss of their leader no doubt in even worse shape after the disappearance of their angel. No, there’s no telling how those fanatics, or any of his fringe followers, might react and he doesn’t have the luxury of being able to waste energy fighting them off if things go wrong.

For now, Knives makes his way to the nearest city. One that’s not so small they might make notice of a strange new traveler, but one that’s not so big it will have a large police force. Somewhere he can disappear into and collect his thoughts in relative privacy. With only a tattered sheet of fabric to his name, it’s easy enough for Knives to play the part of a homeless beggar. Pay no mind to the dirty man skulking the streets. Don’t look too closely at his face or the wanted posters plastered on every wall of the city.

First things first, Knives needs money. Stealing is an option, but it will only get him so far with the annoying need to conserve his energy. It would be pointless to steal only to lose his life defending his loot. He can’t take too many risks. He needs to start out small.

It isn’t hard to find a good mark and follow them into an unpopulated street. Forming a small blade in his hand uses a negligible amount of energy. All he has to do is slide it into the unsuspecting man’s back and claim his prize. It’s something he’s done dozens, if not hundreds of times. Killing is as easy as breathing. It’s been his way of life for decades.

So, why then does he find himself freezing with his blade just inches away from the man? His hand is frozen and his stomach is tying itself into knots again. Something about it feels wrong, and it doesn’t take Knives long to figure out why. Killing a man for no reason other than a need for money feels too much like backsliding. He’s spent months trying to be a better man than he was. Better than this.

If he were anywhere else, Knives might feel proud that he stopped himself, but not here. Not on a planet where everyone rightfully wants to see him dead for what he’s done to it and it’s people. A planet without allies or a place to call home. It’s kill or be killed, and apparently he can’t kill. Is there any way he can survive or is he just delaying the inevitable by trying?

Before Knives can reconcile what is and what was, the man notices him and turns. Recognition and fear are quick to spread across the man’s face in a way Knives almost forgot. He remembers how the humans used to look at him, of course, but those memories dulled over time. It’s so much different when the fear is palpable.

Once the initial fear passes, the man is quick to run, and Knives makes no move to chase. It’s an odd sensation to watch the man’s retreating figure and to see it as a man, and not prey. To be feared fills him with an intoxicating sense of power, but it also makes him feel lonely. Knives doesn’t care about chasing or killing. He just wants to be home.

Knives grabs at the cloth covering his aching heart. Home. When was it that Spirale came to feel like home to him? It’s a nighmarish world that restricted his power and threw cruel tests at him, but it has it’s peaceful moments, too. More peaceful than No Man’s Land, certainly. It has Vash. It has Zazie. More recently it’s come to have Elendira. There are others it’s missing, but there are those who he would never be able to meet otherwise, too.

The sound of boots rapidly approaching drags Knives from this aching thoughts just in time to see a trio of Terrans round the corner. Damn it. How quickly the consequences of letting the man go came to bite him in the ass. Knives braces himself to fight, but his inability to kill the man has left his resolve shaken and he’s not sure if he’s willing to test quite how much bloodlust he has left.

For the second time in this world, Knives finds himself running from a fight. He has to get out of the city, and fast. There’s no telling how quickly the Terrans might be able to get word of his location out to the rest of the Earth fleet and how long it might take that information to get to Chronica. In his current state, Knives is confident he can get out of a fight with the humans alive at least once, but fighting with a fully powered independent is without a doubt a death sentence.

Wings give Knives an advantage, and it doesn’t take long for him to find his way out of the city limits. He keeps flying in random directions until the twin suns begin to hang low in the sky. Adrenaline keeps him moving for the most part, but when the crash comes it hits Knives hard. His wings begin to dip and he falls into the sand on his hands and knees. He’s not sure if he’s made it far enough away, or if he’s obfuscated his path enough, but Knives has reached his limit.

All at once the emotions he’s been trying so hard to control fall onto his shoulders. Where is he supposed to go? Who can he rely on? How long will he be here? Is there any fate left for him other than death? Knives’ mind swims with a dozen unanswerable, but equally important questions. He presses his head into the sand as his arms wrap tightly around his torso. Nails dig into his shoulders and drag painfully along his upper arms, drawing tiny specks of blood as they go. He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He just wants to be home.

Vash, Knives calls out. Not to the man still hidden away in a doctor’s bunker, but out into the void. As if his powers might be able to transcend time and space to reach the brother he’s left behind on Spirale.

I’m scared.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Obkk ghost marriage fic where after kannabi bridge, the Uchiha decide Kakashi can keep the eye but only if he agrees to marry Obito's ghost in a traditional ghost marriage.

(This also means he officially joins the Uchiha clan. Maybe lean into how he knows very little ab his own clan history, so there's like some minor complexes playing off of that as he ultimately takes up the Uchiha name and traditions, effectively abandoning his own -> which could also play interestingly into his negative views of his father at that age. This also means he moves out of his clan compound and into the Uchiha district— which is actually really good for his mental health)

Kakashi doesn't argue, he sees it as the ultimate atonement actually. He's incredibly dutiful but especially so at that age. He'd take it dead fuckin seriously and be the best ghost bride possible. Instead of constantly going to the memorial stone he has like a proper shrine to honor him in the house where he leaves his favorite foods n stuff

Like little 13 year old widower Kakashi w Rin as his witness rip

I'm not the biggest Rin fan bc her canon characterization feels like that usual boring "girl crush turned martyr" (naruto misogony strikes again rip) and I've yet to find any interpretations that really strike me— with one exception.

I don't remember the fic, and Rin only showed up for part of it, but I remember being rlly taken by her in it. It highlighted her being as struck by Obito's death as Kakashi, with her an official mednin working overtime in the hospital as the war ramped up. Also it gave her a smoking habit!! I can appreciate a well played addiction to cope in text. Idk I just read it and kinda went "woah she suddenly feels like a real person to me"

But like, that for Rin here. She's working triple overtime in the hospital, day and night. The war is getting worse and worse and some nights she comes home w her gloves still stained in the blood of her patients from back to back surgeries where her patients died on the table. They have her listed for eye trauma specifically after her successful transplant for Kakashi, and she's proving to be invaluable for the patients w eye based kekkei genkkai. She wants to go into specifically researching and healing for eye bloodline limits, but is struggling to convince the clans to allow her access to that information.

Kakashi's new home is closer to the hospital that Rin's parents, and stuff w her parents is starting to get... tense. It hurts them, to see their daughter struggling like this. To see her coming home with dulled eyes and bloodied hands. To be waken by her nightmares and then not know how to comfort her.

Rin slowly starts staying over with Kakashi more and more and after a while she's just kind of fully moved in, but neither of them actually really talk about it

Let them be best friends w a kind of codependency on eachother that would be concerning if not for how it's very clearly keeping both of their heads afloat as days go on and things get worse.

Queerplatonic besties Rin and Kakashi sharing the same bed so when they wake up screaming they can help eachother go back to sleep easier. Rin likes it when Kakashi summons his ninken to sleep w them. They sleep easier w eachother bc they feel safer knowing they're there to have eachothers back, just like they would on the field

Anyways, Kakashi moves out of his clan compound and into the Uchiha's. He's neighbors with a little 6 year old Shisui and is kind of picked up by the scruff by a lot of Uchiha who have really weird complex feelings ab Obito's death (many of them feeling bad ab not having reached out before to him / seeing him die so young, and then projecting that onto Kakashi)

Kakashi and sometimes Rin kind of accidentally becoming a babysitter for Itachi both bc of proximity and bc Mikoto is friends with Kushina

On that note -> Minato does not really get the ghost marriage thing. He's civilian born, and the practice is really old and hasn't really been used since like, warring states era. So Minato is kind of weirded out and very "uhhh. Are you SURE this is what you wanna do?" But Kakashi seems set, and like, if it helps him cope???

He is however very supportive of getting Kakashi out of the fucking tomb of his father's house and into the much more populated and lively Uchiha clan compound

Minato makes Kakashi ANBU and designates him as his home guard specifically to keep him off the battlefield. He lowkey does the same to Rin (minus the ANBU part) positioning her in the hospital and making sure she's getting that good good mednin education. If pressed on why she doesn't go out as a field medic, he insists it's because she shows too much promise as a healer to risk— not now that they've lost Tsunade. If Rin can grow to be even half as good as she is, it'll be worth keeping her away from the fighting.

Neither Kakashi nor Rin feel very good about this decision (tho hypocritically, they agree w it when it comes to the other, bc ofc they do)

Rin doesn't die bc I say so and Obito does a comedy spit take when he inevitably learns he's legally married to Kakashi under the eyes of the Sage, Amaterasu and all.

[kentopedia]

fresh air

FEATURING. levi ackerman x f!reader — wc: 4.5 k

SUMMARY. everyone on levi's squad wonders where he disappears to when they get time off in wall sina.

CONTENTS. fluff, secret relationship, the scout find out levi is in love, doctor!reader, established relationship, levi gets a minor injury, canon universe, she/they pronouns for hange, no warnings bc this is all just very sweet

based on this ask here ♡

The first time that Levi met you, he’d been too rough around the edges, a newly freed man from the underground with one too many health issues and a sickly complexion.

Against his will, Erwin had sent him in for a medical examination, a requirement he’d been forced to endure before officially joining the Survey Corps. It seemed a life with minimal sunlight had lasting effects on the human body. Levi thought that was a reasonable assumption.

He’d suffered through the check-ups, holding his tongue when the doctors prodded at him with invasive hands and told him what nutrients he needed more of. He’d taken their advice, for the most part.

You were still a nurse back then, holding a strong desire to help people and eyes with an innocence that would never last. When the doctor had been running late one evening, you’d come in to check Levi’s pulse, asked if he had any pain.

He’d stared at you for a moment, and for the first time in his life, fumbled for the right words to say.

Trivial things like beauty had never been important to Levi, but your smile had been the only image in his mind for days.

You’d visited him again for another check-up the next day.

And Levi was, really, perfectly fine. He knew there was nothing seriously wrong with him. Though, you had been so eager to do your job, so happy to help a fragmented man, that he let you take care of him for a week and, ridiculously, pretended that he was in much more pain than he actually was.

A hesitant sort of bond started between you after that. You were still intimidated by his brashness, and he was too afraid of his own feelings to ever let himself accept that he found you enjoyable to be around.

Although, whatever he felt ceased to matter after that. Levi officially became a scout, lost the only two people that cared about him, and hardened even more.

Years passed before he saw you again, and by then, you’d become a doctor, saved more patients than you lost, and built a name for yourself.

Levi saw you much more once he became the Captain of the Survey Corps; soldiers on his squad were always getting injured, and he nearly died on a couple missions.

Somewhere along the way, he’d fallen for you. Too quickly and too easily, especially for a man like him who knew better than to care for people.

Still, he figured he was allowed at least one good thing in life, and he’d chosen that to be you. The pretty little doctor who had snuck into his heart.  

“Levi?” Hange was in front of him, snapping a hand in front of his eyes, overly concerned and much too close. “Are you losing more blood? You look pale.” She prodded at him, a humored grin spreading across her mouth. “Someone might think you’ve been living underground.”

Hange laughed loudly and Levi pushed them away, irritated, and worn-out from the mission.

“I’m fine,” he said, though his ribs ached, and he couldn’t deny the pain that lingered in his side. “Just get off of me. You smell foul.”

Hange made a face. “Just plug your nose then.” A slender finger poked at his ribs again, and he recoiled, hissing. “See! You’re not okay.”

Levi’s aggravated response went unheard as Hange called a doctor over, waving their hands dramatically. A scowled embedded even deeper into his features.

“I’m fine, shithead. Stop being dramatic.”

Though his protests didn’t matter much. A man in a white coat came by after Hange’s call, adjusting a spectacle as he tucked parchment under his arm. “Is everything alright?”

“Can you please have the captain checked out? He was injured outside the walls, and I’m not sure our first aid did well at stitching him back up.”

The doctor looked over Levi skeptically, peeling back the wrapping around his middle that had already dried brown with blood. “We’ve got a lot of people in need of assistance. I can try and get a nurse to help you, but—”

“Where’s the other doctor?” Levi knew your name, of course he did, but he was afraid if he said it something would change on his face. “The younger one.” 

“There are other squads that ended up worse off. She’s taking care of them at the moment.” the gray-haired doctor said, looking at his parchment. “I’ll tell her to make her way over here. I don’t know how long it will be.”

Levi could tell what the man was thinking: that he was Captain Levi, and they could afford to lose the other scouts, but they couldn’t afford to lose him. Still, Levi’s wound had been treated sufficiently. At the very least, he didn’t feel like he would pass out again any time soon.

“I can wait.” Levi looked at the other battered members of the Scouts, some of them with slices up their arms and deep gashes in their skulls. It was a sickening sight really. No one should’ve been worried about him. “These soldiers have worse injuries than I do. You should treat them first.” He glanced at Hange beside him, the glasses making their eyes look even rounder. “And take Hange while you’re at it. Maybe you can find out if there’s a cure for being an idiot.”

The doctor cracked a smile. “Come with me then, Section Commander. You seem to be free of injuries, and we need some help taking care of these soldiers.”

“Of course, sir. I’ll do everything I can.” Hange nodded and stood to follow the doctor. She sent Levi one last look before leaving. “Don’t let your wound get infected because you’re trying to play the hero.”

“I’m fine, Hange. Seriously.” He blinked at her, his expression blank, and Hange sighed before disappearing into the crowd, into the mess of carnage from another fruitless journey outside the walls.

Levi waited for a half hour, watched as more soldiers were led away from the central room into the private wing of the hospital. Someone had cracked a window, and a warm breeze of fresh air fanned into the anteroom.

It was starting to get hot again. He dreaded the summer missions that burned his skin.

The chair was stiff, but he could’ve dozed off in it, suddenly feeling more light-headed than he had when Hange left. Levi shifted, bringing a palm down to his wound. The pain was starting to get worse again. When he drew his hand away, there was more blood.

Shit. That wasn’t a good sign. The stitches mustn’t have been done properly.

He started to stand, beginning to wonder if he should just stitch the wound back up himself, when you finally approached, and the sight of you sent a wave of relief over him. You were like his very own guardian angel, illuminating the hospital with nothing more than a hopeful smile.

Immediately, Levi softened, wondering how you could get more and more beautiful every time he saw you.

“Captain Levi.” Your eyes dropped to the seeping bandage, the shoulder that wasn’t sitting right. He’d dislocated it, twisted a little too funny when slicing up a titan. The tissue there had probably worn down too much. “Don’t tell me you’ve been waiting for me.”

“My injuries are minimal. Thought I’d take my chances until someone competent could stitch me up properly.”

Your jaw clenched, and though you reached your hand out to him, you retracted it, remembering there were other people around. With a sigh, you pointed over your shoulder instead. “Come with me.”

Levi followed you down the hall, to a shimmering white room that smelled too much like flowers. You gathered a few supplies, and he watched you, taking a seat on the bed.

Without a word, you began unwrapping the bloody gauze, cleaning the dark wound with unfazed, sharp eyes. His chest was exposed to you, the shirt already removed.

“At least tell me you missed me before you get me undressed,” Levi said, his tone dry as you pressed a warm cloth to his skin.

You narrowed your eyes, your expression exhausted. He was certain you’d been working nonstop since the Survey Corps got back. “I did miss you, Levi,” you said quietly, wringing the blood out of the cloth. “I always miss you.”

Against his will, Levi’s heart panged in his chest. It was almost too easy for you to get a rise out of him.

You worked in silence, and Levi let you—you’d done this many times for him before, and he knew how much you hated being disturbed.

Though, you looked so sweet with your lip jutted out in focus, and he relaxed, unable to stop himself when he leaned forward to give you a kiss.

To Levi’s disappointment, you saw him coming and pushed him away, placing a bloody hand in front of your mouth to stop him. “Levi!” you shouted in exasperation, though you were far too used to him to be surprised. “I’m not done.”

He sighed, leaning back once more, though the smallest of smiles was on his lips. “I thought you were the best doctor in the interior,” he said mockingly. “Shouldn’t you be a little faster than this?”

“You should work on being more patient. It’s only been a few minutes.”

“Has it?” Levi snorted. It felt like an eternity. You were there in front of him, so lovely and focused, and he could hardly contain himself. He’d spent weeks away from you, and he couldn’t even sneak a quick kiss.

You laughed, the sound stirring up butterflies in his stomach, and he relented, the seriousness in your expression pulling him back to reality. He sat quietly and left you to do your work.

Your hands were soft against his skin as you sealed up the wound, fixed up the stitches, so gentle that he almost forgot about the pain entirely. Having you to watch certainly helped keep him distracted.

Finally, you stepped away, satisfied, and grinned. “Alright. All done.”

“You mean it?” Levi leaned forward, and the ache in his abdomen pinched. “You’re not going to wipe your disgusting palm on my face if I try to kiss you?”

A part of him was, completely serious, but another laugh escaped you as you wiped your hands on a clean rag, the blood still staining your palms. But it was his blood and Levi figured if it had already dirtied his own skin, it didn’t matter much. 

He kissed you, momentarily, and the feeling of your lips brought him entirely back to life. Levi wasn’t sure what about you changed him so completely, made him feel a jolt of energy zap into him every time you were around, but he was addicted to it.

He took a breath, for a moment, his expression gentle, though he didn’t have the opportunity to kiss you again. The door had been thrown open, slamming against the wall, and Hange strolled in, wearing a wide smile and bright eyes.

“Levi,” Hange said, much too loudly, and he recoiled, wondering if they’d seen him kiss you. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Probably not then. Hange would have made that the first topic of conversation.

You smiled politely beside Levi, already placing a professional distance between you. He craved the warmth, missing you again already. “How are you, Hange? I take it you didn’t get too banged up on the mission?”

Hange laughed, throwing an arm over your shoulder like old friends. “Not a single scratch.”

“A miracle, really, with the way you’re always throwing yourself into danger.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. I always play it safe.” Hange turned back to Levi; lips pulled up to reveal a white grin. “I see you’re feeling better then. The doctor got you all patched up?”

“I always do,” you hid a smile behind your hand, careful not to touch it to your mouth.

Levi sighed, hating how well you two got along. He might as well have told Hange about your relationship in the very beginning. You two saw each other every time the Scouts were in the interior wall. “Didn’t you have something to tell me, Hange?”

Hange scrunched her face up, before recognition passed through it. “Right,” they said, straightening. “Erwin’s requested your presence in a meeting with Commander Pyxis and the Military Police. They’ve got a lot of questions.”

“I’m sure they do.” Levi struggled to his feet, feeling much older than he really was. He wondered when all of the hits to his body would start to catch up to him. “I’ll follow you out, then.”

Levi exchanged a look with you, conveying everything he couldn’t with Hange standing there.

“I’ll see you later then, Captain Levi. Hange.” Your smile was refined, corresponding to your current status, and you saluted like a good soldier would. Then, the two of them were off.

Hange tossed a grin over their shoulder once the two of them were outside the hospital, eyes crinkling behind thick lenses. “You look a little flushed there, Captain.”

Levi stared back at Hange indifferently, not an ounce of emotion in his cool eyes. Hange always teased him when it came to you, but he doubted she ever figured out the truth. “Is that so?”

“Why don’t you just confess your love already?” Hange said romantically, batting their eyes and holding clasped hands to her chin. “It’s been years Levi.”

“I’m sure you’re not insinuating I’ve got any sort of romantic feelings,” Levi said dryly. He was certain that he had not been blushing, and he pinched Hange’s cheek too, the pink tint there as well from the warm weather. “It’s not like it’s nearly summer.”

Hange swatted him away, their joyful expression falling as a pout formed on their lips. “Oh, you’re so boring, Levi. I’m only messing with you.”

Levi let out a weary noise, somewhere between a sigh and a groan, wondering how he’d managed to put up with the most insufferable person for years and years on end. “You sound like a teenager.”

After his mess of a meeting with the military police, Levi headed to one of the nicer homes at the edge of the city, an older building in Wall Sina that had managed to stay intact after the Female Titan incident.

It wasn’t his home, not really, but it was the only one he had outside of the military housing and the single private room he received as a commanding officer. And, it might as well have been his anyway—his clothes all hung in the closet, his teacups stuffed in a crowded cabinet. He was there more than he was anywhere else.

The door opened easily when he pushed the knob, and while he knew you were expecting him, he hoped you didn’t always keep it unlocked. The streets were too wrought with crime; a fact he was far too aware of.

When he opened the door, the scent of home and a freshly made meal invaded his senses, warming him to the very core of his soul. He slid his shoes off at the door, careful not to track in any mud.

You hadn’t heard him come in, too busy cutting up vegetables to throw into a pot. You hummed to yourself softly, distracted entirely by your own thoughts.

Levi smiled, admiring you for just a moment and taking in that second to carry it with him on his next mission. For so much of his life, he’d hardly had a home to come back to. It was nice to remember that he had a person waiting for him on the other side, someone that could be there for him in the moments that he didn’t want to be alone.

He snuck up behind you quietly, and you remained completely unaware until he wrapped his arms around your middle, relaxing into your body in a way he’d never been able to when he was away from you.

You jumped momentarily, but eased into his arms right after, recognizing his touch easily. One of your softer hands wrapped around his, the other still throwing chopped vegetables into the pot.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” yod, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, tranquil.

So much of his time had been spent in a world that was a living hell, trying to deal with the overarching mess that had started years ago, and being with you was the only time he could ever recover. The knowledge that he didn’t have to always be humanity’s strongest soldier with you gave him, at least, some semblance of peace.

“I hope I didn’t scare you,” he whispered, hooking his chin over your shoulder as he looked at the stew you were making. It was the best thing he had smelled in weeks, and Levi felt too spoiled after a childhood spent eating mud and garbage from the streets. “You could’ve waited for me to get home. I would’ve cooked something instead. I know you’ve been working all day, taking care of the Scouts.”

“Levi.” You pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, smiling into the delicate skin. “You’ve been gone for weeks. You probably haven’t had a proper meal since you left, and you were injured. I don’t want you to strain yourself.” You turned to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I’m glad you’re home. You can get some rest now.”

You pressed a kissed to his nose, and no matter how many times you referred to your home as his as well, a fiery warmth bloomed inside of him.

“Me too.” Levi smiled at you tiredly, brushing his thumb over your lips before retracting. “I’m going to get cleaned up. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“I’ll tell you when the food is ready.”

Levi nodded, and released you hesitantly, already wanting to be around you for every moment he had in Wall Sina. Instead, he headed towards the bathroom, where he knew the soap that he preferred would be waiting for him, just as he’d left it before.

“Levi?”

He turned at the sound of your voice. You were watching him with hearts in your eyes, the very expression something he would probably never been accustomed to.

“I love you.”

Levi softened, his feet melting into the floor entirely. “I love you too.”

Your face grew so bright, and you turned back to your task, newly invigorated. Levi had gotten better at saying the words, at accepting that you wouldn’t get taken away from him just because he cared about you.

It had been a long road, certainly, but somewhere along the way he’d started to become familiar with happiness.

“Levi, what do you think of this one?” You spun in a slow circle, making sure that he saw every angle of the dress. You were watching him with a skeptical look, suspecting that he wouldn’t be honest with you.

Which was maybe true. Levi didn’t know very much about what was in style. He just thought you looked nice in everything.

“It’s pretty,” he said, indulging you with a nod. “You look very pretty.”

Despite yourself, you grew warm, smiling at yet another compliment from him. He’d said the same thing about every dress, but he loved seeing the expression on your face, the twitch of embarrassment, even though you’d been together for years.

It was rare that the two of you got to do something so calming. You were meant to go to a ball in the upcoming weeks, gain some kind of recognition for your accomplishments as a doctor, and you were in desperate need something to wear.

Of course, you’d decided the moment that Levi was home would be the perfect time to go shopping.

Though, it didn’t matter. He would’ve gone with you anyway, even if you needed an outfit or not. Levi was just so incredibly proud of you. A part of him wished he could accompany you to the ball, even if being in a stuffy room with a crowd of pretentious, wealthy men sounded like the most undesirable event in the world.

“Well, which makes me seem like I know what I’m doing?” you asked him through the mirror, the tailor doing her best not to intrude on the conversation. “I like the blue one, but do I look too young?”

“Well, you’re not old,” Levi scoffed. “Besides, I hardly think you need new a dress to let people know you’re a professional.” Though, he mulled over the question regardless, mostly taking your inquiry seriously. You were making a face at him. “I like the blue one too.”

He liked them all, really. 

You smiled, letting the tailor finish up her job and Levi turned, wondering how much of a dent this would put in his wallet.

“I’ll just be a second,” you said, leaning down from your stool to kiss him. His lips curled up when they met yours. “Want to wait outside?”

“Sure.” Levi turned, and for a moment, swore he saw a flash outside, someone speeding past the window. When he looked closer, no one was there.

He ignored it, leaving a wad of cash with the store-owned and tried to remember that he no longer needed to save that money for another meal.

As he waited for you to finish up, Levi leaned against the wall, watching the people walk back and forth, paying him no attention at all. It was sometimes easy to forget that not everyone recognized him. Not everyone cared, really, that he was Captain Levi.

It was refreshing to be ignored.

“Levi,” you said wearily as you came out of the short building, and he knew what was coming next, knew what words would leave your mouth. “I told you I’d take care of it.”

“Consider it paying back a favor.” He fell into step beside you as you turned the corner, going down the narrow alley. 

You creased your eyebrows skeptically, trying to catch his eyes. The ones that had brightened minimally after a night of rest in an actual bed. “A favor for what?”

“I don’t know. Letting me live in your house? For cooking for me last night?” Your frown deepened, exasperated and Levi sighed, rolling his eyes. “Just accept the gift, you idiot. I was trying to do something nice.”

You gazed at him in disbelief for another moment before laughing, the seriousness evaporating. “You’re so sweet.” You grinned, and Levi thought that was hardly the word to describe him, but you seemed so happy that he didn’t say anything. “I appreciate it a lot. Thank you.”

“Come on,” Levi said, huffing when you tried to kiss him again. “We should go back home before I run into one of those intolerable brats from my squad.”

Though, Levi really regretted the words, wondering if there was some higher being out there who just lived to cause him grief. Not a moment later, he heard a familiar voice rounding the corner, getting much too close to where he was standing.

“Armin, look! I told you. I saw him with someone.”

Levi’s jaw tightened as Eren sprinted down the alley with his smarter blond friend in tow, and a dark-haired girl who never seemed to leave his side.

The three of them nearly ran into the two of you, skidding to a stop only when they noticed you both turning the corner, and gauged the unamused expression on Levi’s face.

“What are you two doing here? Don’t you have training or something?” Levi’s voice was stern, though he knew they had the day off, just as he did. Just as you did.

“Captain Levi!” Armin straightened, looking nervous under his tense gaze. Levi wondered what it would take for that kid to gain some confidence. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to intrude. Eren just said—”

“Eren said—” Eren began, but before he could continue, Hange had also come around the corner with Erwin, the two of them laughing like they’d found something very funny.

Levi wished he had his gear so he could start swinging the blades at all of them.

“Levi,” Erwin greeted him good-naturedly, and Hange was snickering beside him, their eyes glued to the minimal space between you and him. “Eren said there was an emergency this way. What seems to be the issue?”

That little shit. Levi could’ve kicked the stupid grin right off his face again.

“Did he?” Levi said, swallowing down his anger, his expression as nonchalant as usual. “I’ve got no idea what he could possibly be talking about.”

“Eren said you two were kissing.” Mikasa spared no time for idle conversation, her eyes as hard as his own as she made the comment in a bored tone. If Levi had to guess, she’d been pulled into the situation because Eren had caught them and couldn’t keep his nose out of other people’s business.  

And Hange, who had never been very good at holding back laughter, doubled over with tears gathering at the corners of their eyes.

“Oh,” you said beside him, embarrassed, and Levi softened, remembering that even though he’d kept the relationship a secret for your own safety, there really had never been a need to. You were never going to leave his life, not if he could help it, and he trusted the five people before him enough to keep it from becoming public knowledge. “I’m sorry,” you whispered to him, momentarily panicked. “That was my fault.”

Levi hated the look on your face; he never wanted you to look so disheartened again. He sighed. “Eren, you should learn to keep your mouth shut.”

At least, Eren had the good sense to sober up. His back became rigid, any humor disappearing from his face immediately. “Right, sir, I’m sorry. I just thought—”

“I’ve got the day off like the rest of you, don’t I? Maybe you should let us spend it in peace.” Levi boldly grabbed your hand, walking through the middle of the starstruck crowd, knowing he’d have to deal with their endless questions sooner than later.

For now, though, he just wanted a relaxing day with you by his side.

“Levi, wait! Why didn’t you tell me?” Hange’s dramatic cries rang out through the air as he glared at them over his shoulder, eyes narrowing so intensely it almost hurt.

Behind him, Eren’s cry of pain could be heard after Mikasa slapped him over the head. “Eren! I told you that was a bad idea.”

“Bye!” you said sweetly, like nothing had happened, and continued along with your hand in Levi’s, a stupid smile on your face.

When you were far enough away from lingering ears, Levi looked over to you, shaking his head. “Why do you look so happy?” he asked, exasperated, and ready to go home.

You shrugged. “I like that someone else knows that I love you.”

And though Levi would still push Eren twice as hard at the next training, he couldn’t be too mad at him after that.

[seiwas]

₊˚⊹｡ tell me about love (show me how) | gojo satoru

wc: 7.4k

summary: you teach gojo how to love. 

contains: f!reader in mind but no pronouns mentioned, descriptions of blood (typical jjk canon type stuff), shibuya onwards manga spoilers, implied minor character death, there are swears, suggestive bit at the end (but it’s funny!), lots of internal thoughts/dialogues, kind of canon divergent

a/n: relates to my short blurb, do you believe in love?, explores a lot on how i think gojo would be when it comes to love; ambiguous but linear timeline (jumps through scenes)

collection masterlist: conversations on love 01. do you believe in love? <- you are here -> 2.5. and my body keeps saying (it's yours)

When Gojo has love for the taking, he makes no move to reach for it. 

It’s unusual for him to be so restrained, being born into greed and predetermined purpose—a one-man clan fated to hold power close to God. There exists a hunger within him, insatiable and stubborn, unstoppable until he gets what he wants. It’s all he’s ever known: to take and devour, simply because he can. 

Yet with this, he doesn’t. He can’t seem to. 

“I think I’ll always want to be with you, Satoru.” 

When you offer your heart to Gojo, he looks at you softly. 

You catch his eyes and see the sky, bright, with flecks of light floating on his irises like cotton clouds in its periphery. It’s different from the piercing blue you’re used to—a terrifying riptide that washes you away. 

It wasn’t intended as a confession, but Gojo always takes whatever you have to say. He commits it to memory each time; how could he not? Words that come from you flow so naturally, so earnestly that the air around you shifts all on its own.

His lips part slightly, red spatterings lining pink inner corners before they close again. He doesn’t say anything, but you know Gojo and the fingerprints of his soul—the way he bites his lips to withhold himself from speaking. 

It’s dangerous, he thinks, how you make wanting something so complicated seem so simple.

He takes a small breath, then you feel it, pressed against you—the faint signature of his cursed energy overlaying his entirety. It tickles your skin a little, the effects of it brushing. You don’t remember the last time he put it up around you.

A million things run through Gojo’s mind for every split second he breathes, but at this point in time, he counts a million and one—one thought that if he touches you by infinity instead of his hands, he can have this good thing for now, that this is the only way how. 

You’d think this a rejection, if any, but he doesn’t move away from you, and the blush blooming at the tips of his ears says more than he ever could. 

.

.

.

The subtle intimacy you share with Gojo grows sporadically, from knuckles brushing to pinkies touching. He stands next to you more often, a few inches closer than he used to and sometimes, still, with an infinity connecting you.

.

.

.

When you hold Gojo’s hand for the first time, he jolts very slightly, as if you’ve shocked him. He’s started to put his infinity down around you again, and you continue the limbo of whatever it is you both are—except this time, he’s made it clearer, just a little bit. 

During the last few leaves of fall, Gojo skips to an ice cream stand like a pre-schooler on early dismissal. You trail behind him slowly, shaking your head affectionately; he’s the only adult you know that still acts like he’s 5. 

“You’re like a horse.” you jest, stopping next to him in line.

“You’re a snail.” he huffs, side-eyeing you, like a child.

You gasp exaggeratingly, hitting his arm. He fake-winces, but that’s all it is; Gojo’s the strongest and you don’t know of any human touch that has managed to hurt him, except—

Yeah. Your eyes trail to the side of his neck, hidden in the shadows of his jawline; there’s really nothing, but sometimes you blink and see crimson, oozing, gushing, leaking—you shake away the thought.  

When he receives his ice cream cone stacked with vanilla-strawberry-vanilla and rainbow sprinkles on top, the smile on his face parallels the sun. He looks cozy, almost boyish, beaming against the autumn breeze blowing on his thick gray hoodie. 

You wonder if he feels just as warm.

(Maybe that’s why you do it, then).

Once Gojo turns to give you the cone, you reach for his other hand tentatively, shyly—your fingertips grazing his palm lightly. You want to give him an out if he can’t take this, but he doesn’t move. He twitches a little, as if he’s been caught off guard, but that’s it. 

His eyes widen briefly, just a bit, before turning into the same soft skies frequenting them lately. 

“Sorry, is this okay?” you whisper, peering up at him. 

He stares at you for a while, his hand in yours unmoving. You leave a sliver of space between your palms–your own version of his infinity–just in case. And he takes it all in: how tiny your hand is wrapped around his, how gently you speak—how warm he feels now amidst this autumn breeze. 

“The strawberry’s really good,” he finally replies, pressing the dessert closer to you, “try it.” 

You give him one last look before you indulge in his request. Gojo’s always been good at that: pushing and pulling—pushing you away with non-answers only to pull you back in with something else. 

But he doesn’t let go of your hand, so you keep yours there, palms nearly touching. (You make a point not to mention how the parts that do touch become clammy for the rest of the afternoon). 

.

.

.

You start to think that your relationship with Gojo is going somewhere, then he disappears (‘gets sealed’ might be the more proper term). 

His absence is deafening. You’ve all lost so much, and it hurts, but you carry on knowing full well that this is what being a jujutsu sorcerer means. There aren’t many left to fight his fight, so you do what you can to. You stay with Shoko, mostly, if not going back and forth with Utahime. You can’t afford to be crying when the students, the kids—you can’t even bear to think about what they’re going through.

Nights are the hardest, when the world is quiet but your mind is loud, throwing far too many questions you can’t find the answers to.

What will Gojo come back to? Then the scarier thought: Will he even come back? 

You don’t want to doubt him, ever, but your mind continues to play back that day, like a final memory. The unintentional confession; his eyes like the sky. 

You don’t want it to be the last important thing you tell him. 

“I should start looking into retirement plans, like Nanamin.” you raise an eyebrow, questioning. Gojo’s never spoken this far into the future before, most especially his. 

“Work is shit now for you too?” you scoff, leaning back on the wooden ledge. 

Gojo rolls his eyes, skipping the coverage of his blindfold today. 

“Well, after I remove the old geezers and change everything, there won’t be much left to do.” 

You hum in response. He does make a point. 

“Also, Megumi won’t need me anymore,” he pouts, whining, “who else will want me around?” 

You try to hold back your laugh, wanting so badly to tell him that Megumi doesn’t even really like him around to begin with—but you figure breaking Gojo’s heart isn’t really something you want to do if you value your peace. 

“I don’t know,” you reply, shifting your weight, “I think I’ll always want to be with you, Satoru.” 

Even now, especially now. You wish you were with him, too. 

.

.

.

The day you hear of Gojo’s potential return, you drop your breakfast outside the 7-Eleven near Jujutsu Tech. You’re supposed to meet up with Utahime for a weekly check-in but your feet take you to Shoko, and the footsteps in your heart have never echoed louder. 

This is the first good news in a while—especially after finding out about the state of Megumi and what happened to Tsumiki, your sweet girl Tsumiki. 

When Gojo comes back, it’s like he never left. He pops out of the box joking the same way, talking the same way. He proves himself to be the strongest all the same, and when he wins—there are scars, but he wins and that fact stays the same. 

So, when you reach for his hand now and he moves away, you’re stuck wondering what’s changed. 

.

.

.

You let it stay that way for a while, your understanding extending to Gojo the way it always has—you don’t push, and he gives you what he can. It honestly isn’t all that bad, because at least he’s still talking to you like he used to. 

Jujutsu society is still shaken from its core. You and all who have survived bear the task of building everything from the ground up; it’s exhausting, especially since most of you are still mourning. 

Megumi’s been put in an induced coma; you understand why but it still tugs at your heart when Shoko tells you it might take a while. Everyone else has been assigned to sweep through the rest of Japan to ensure that any remaining curses are taken care of. 

You see Yuuji and Yuuta visit Megumi sometimes, along with Maki and Toge when they’re free. Gojo’s there pretty often too, using healing sessions with Shoko as an excuse to see the boy he’s practically raised at 17, with you. 

But while Gojo’s smiles to everyone else remain as charming as ever, you can always tell when they’re untrue. 

.

“Are you okay?” 

You find Gojo a little after midnight on the rooftop of the faculty building. The city always looks pretty from up here—a sea of lights reflected up on the sky. It’s a running joke that rooftops are Gojo’s ‘thing’, but you know he really only comes to places like this to think. You wonder what’s on his mind now, coming here every single night since being unsealed. 

Despite how quiet you try to be, sneaking up on Gojo is almost impossible; he senses you before he hears you, sees the familiar traces of your cursed energy through his Six Eyes. 

“Can’t sleep thinking about me?” he teases, looking straight ahead.

The steps you take towards him are careful, afraid of running him off like you seem to be lately. You sit beside him, leaving a space larger than you usually do, then shrug, “These days, yeah.”

It’s times like this when Gojo forgets how honest you can be, how he takes your word for everything, completely. 

It’s threatening, he thinks, how you can say so much with so little. 

“Well, maybe I can suggest—” 

“Seriously, Satoru,” you grip the ledge tightly, knuckles turning white, “please.” 

You tend to let Gojo dodge your questions a lot of the time, his elusiveness a hallmark of who he is. So you never sound like you do now, serious, pleading. 

Gojo fiddles with his fingers, pondering. He hums lowly before speaking, “Does it matter?” 

It hurts you a little, how that’s even a question. He should know better than to ask that to you. 

“It matters to me, Satoru,” you sigh, “you know it does.”

You barely catch the way his brows furrow at your response, but there are creases on his blindfold that can’t be created by anything else. And Gojo knows—is so painfully aware of the way you care. 

Since coming back, he’s never felt like he’s fully returned. It’s an odd existence of in-between, like he breathes everything and nothing all at the same time. The emotions are even worse, overloading his senses with feelings he can never pinpoint. 

How does he tell you that he must be fucked in the head? That every second in his mind is another step closer to insanity? That he’s lost your tether on Satoru in pursuit of Gojo—of being a god? 

“I’ll tell you,” he starts, “but you have to look away.”

You’ve always treated Gojo tenderly, patiently, and he knows, without a doubt, that no matter what he says you will continue to do the same. But he can’t allow that, not anymore. Not after the way you looked at him that day.

“Okay,” you mutter, turning your head the other way. 

He breathes out and you can almost picture it: half-bitten lips and eyes like low tide. 

“I’m fine,” he says to the back of your head, “you have nothing to worry about.” 

A breeze picks up and brushes past your neck. It’s a lie. He knows it, knows you know it too, but—

it’s easier this way, he thinks, to give you answers when you’re not looking.

Gojo’s never found a weakness he can’t work around, but he might have just found one with you—in your eyes, that read through his every lie. If you turn around now, he’ll want to tell you everything.

“Satoru,” you whisper, letting his name fill the air. You get it—him, and even when you don’t, you try damn hard to because you refuse to let Gojo carry all of it on his own. 

There are crescent indents on your palm from squeezing your knuckles too hard. You think, is this how you form shallow cuts on your heart?

“It’s just me,” you continue, facing him when you say it. 

He takes you all in—your eyes that hold the city lights, your lips, the only vessel that handles his name so delicately. It’s that look on your face again and Gojo’s hit with an ache in his chest—the overwhelming truth that whatever it is, he feels the same. 

.

.

.

There’s a secret Gojo keeps, one he’s certain he’ll never tell you: that when he looks at you upon his return and finds an emotion he refuses to name, he’s never felt so afraid.  

He takes in the shadows under your eyes and the sunkenness of your cheeks—the number of blinks it takes you to reign in tears on the brink of leaking. The way your voice shakes when you say his name.

Shoko tells him about it because she knows you never will—about how you’ve been running yourself dry, speeding through colonies to gather intel for any possible way to break the seal. She tells him about the sleepless nights, how she catches you standing outside his office at 3 a.m. before travelling to Utahime the next morning. 

And he cannot comprehend it at first, cannot understand how he’s caused you to crumble this way. 

If this is all because of him, how you’ve broken yourself all for his sake, he can’t allow it. To see you ruin yourself over him, over anyone ever—you deserve better.

So, when Gojo has love for the taking, he makes no move to reach for it; he cannot possibly take any more from you if this is what is left of you when he does. 

.

.

.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” you catch him by the door of the conference room. 

Rebuilding an entire society requires work and apparently a lot of meetings. Gojo doesn’t usually go to most of them, leaving you and Utahime to carry the chunk of his attendance when he’s not there. In the rare times that he does show up, he makes it a point to be the last one in and the first one out. Utahime hates him for it but you don’t blame him—he isn’t exactly amicable with other figures of authority.

He pauses when he steps out of the door, hands in pockets as he turns to face you. 

You’re not mad or anything, just stating the fact. He’s always known you to speak this way. You lean against the wall next to you, keeping your arms crossed. More people continue to file out of the conference room, some eyeing the two of you curiously as they pass by.

Gojo glances at them, suddenly self-conscious as he clears his throat, “Right, I’ve been avoiding the paperwork you left in my office,” he emphasizes, practically announcing it to everyone in the vicinity, “let’s finish it now.” 

You don’t know whether it’s irritating that Gojo’s so terribly bad at acting, or comforting that he still can’t, for the life of him, successfully lie in front of you. 

He motions for you to follow him as he strolls down the hallway, but you intentionally lag a few steps behind, careful not to encroach on his space lest it make him avoid you any more than he already is.

Stepping into Gojo’s office after so long feels weird, like you belong here but only to a memory of it—as if closing the door behind you feels like activating a muscle you haven’t for a while. It’s been months after all. 

Your eyes skim over the entire room, zeroing in on the stacks of paper lined up on his desk; paperwork has always been Gojo’s least favorite part of the job, often leaving you to do them with him (or alone, when you’re feeling generous). Not much has changed in his space; the mini living area still exists to the left of the room, with little bits of you in its interiors—the pillows, the coffee table books. 

Gojo plops down on the sofa chair and props his feet up on the ottoman, giving four scrolls to his phone before pocketing it. He has the audacity to casually offer you the seat across from him, as if nothing’s wrong—as if he hasn’t been avoiding you for god’s sake. 

Ever since the rooftop, he’s canceled lunch with you six times for reasons that you’re now realizing are less likely to be true. He’s kept a distance of at least one person in between you at all times, and to this day, you still don’t understand why. 

You sigh, taking a seat and leaning back to cross your legs. 

“You’re so bad at acting.” you start.

Being with Gojo for so long, you’ve come to realize that there’s no point being angry with him when your heart can never take it. 

“I technically wasn’t lying.” he replies, sticking his index finger up. 

“Yeah, I can see that,” you snicker, nodding to his desk. 

It’s always like this with Gojo: he pulls you in and you follow. No matter the distance between you, when you sit down together like this, it still always flows so easily. The banter you’ve built together over a decade and more shines through no matter what state your relationship is in. 

Neither of you say anything until Gojo replaces his blindfold for his sunglasses, placing the piece of cloth on the coffee table. 

You break the silence. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” you ask quietly. Gojo aches at that, how you still choose to regard him so kindly. 

Why has he been avoiding you? It’s a good question, completely valid with how he’s been treating you lately, but he could draw up every answer he has, all one million and one, and still not know what to say.

Gojo’s a pretty bad communicator; for how much he talks, he doesn’t really say much—and maybe that’s the root of all this. There are too many things he wants to say but can’t formulate in the right way. 

“If it’s something I did, can you at least let me know?” you continue. Gojo frowns, how can you be wronged yet still think of yourself as the one to blame? 

“Why do you do that?” he tuts, head tilting sideways as his hands dig deeper into his pockets. 

“Do what?” you furrow your brows, confused. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t worry about it.” he says dismissively. 

You arch an eyebrow; he has it all mistaken. 

“Satoru, I’m not worried because I feel guilty,” you sit up, inching towards the edge of your seat, “I’m worried because you’re pushing me away.” your voice is level, but your pupils shake.

Something grips at his chest seeing you this way; together or apart, he seems to be the main contributor to your heartache. 

You wonder if confronting him like this is any good if he’s not going to say anything anyway. 

“If you want space, that’s okay, I get it, but,” you exhale, “at least just tell me why.” 

This entire time avoiding you, Gojo’s had you on his mind—the million and one. He’s come to terms with what he feels when you’re together, and how it amplifies when you’re not. 

It’s shitty of him to practically ghost you, not just in text but in real life too. But he’s thought about it logically, really, that removing himself from your life should be just like ripping off a bandaid—painful but quick. At least that way, you’d get over it fast. 

He’d been resigned to doing that and that was the plan—until now. 

All it takes is seeing that look in your eyes, and his resolve falls apart. 

“I can’t.” he speaks softly. 

What hurts the most is that beneath his sunglasses, his eyes still hold the sky. 

You think you want to cry. 

You take this as your answer and close your eyes, taking a deep breath before getting up to leave. If this is goodbye, you don’t want your last interaction to be an awkward memory of him watching you bawl in his office chair. 

You push yourself up with the armrest only to sit back down—because Gojo is right in front of you, blocking your way. His infinity is up but touching, a tingling sensation sweeping across your knees. 

“Wait,” he swallows, a franticness you’ve never seen before. His head stays down as he bites his lips, sunglasses hanging by his fingertips. You wonder what he wants to say, that even if it comes out messy, it’s okay. You want to tell him that it’s just you—that you’ll always want to hear it all anyway. 

What comes next is unlike any version of Satoru you have ever known—nervous and uncertain, almost like he’s afraid. He lowers himself, slowly coming down to his knees in front of you. A giant of a man so small in your presence. 

“I don’t know how.” he mutters, dropping his sunglasses to the floor. 

You blink once, twice, still surprised by what’s in front of you. Gojo has always towered above you, has always known how to do anything and everything so effortlessly without fail. 

Watching him now, with every inhale and exhale dragging in slow motion, you do your best not to startle him. 

“How to what?” you whisper, the moment so fragile. 

He looks up, eyes locking with yours. A reaction happens in that moment—the split second of all his thoughts collapsing into one. You see a clear sky, blue and bright as day, the Satoru he saves for you—while he sees you, with that look on your face, the one that he knows has always only meant love. 

The sincerity in your gaze overwhelms him—makes him look away before it becomes too much. Red blooms at the tips of his ears as he bites the inner corners of his lips, fingers grabbing at the fabric of his pants. You’re afraid he might run away again, but he doesn’t and stays right where you are. 

“You know…” he looks to the side, pouting, “whatever you do….”

“Like…?” you coax lightly, trying hard to hide the small smile forming on your lips. 

You wonder how many versions of Satoru you’ll meet in your lifetime, and if this one, shy and nervous, will be one you’ll fit into the crevices of your heart just like all the others. 

He grips his pants tighter, fabric bunching under his fingers, “When you hold my hand… those things. You get it.” 

And you do (get it), so you don’t push, taking whatever Gojo has to give you like you always have. 

The tension relieves from you slowly, comforted by the fact that at least he’s given you his reasons now (no matter how vague they still seem to be). That at least there are no non-answers this time. 

You tell yourself that it’s okay, that you’re content as long as Gojo’s in your life even without the possibility of becoming something more. 

“Ok—”

But there’s always one thing you forget about Gojo—

“So show me how.”

—in the moments you least expect it, he speaks the words that matter most. 

.

.

.

You choose to show him slowly, gently, like the trickling introduction of water to a man who is first learning how to drink. 

In the first few weeks of you and Gojo readjusting to one another, he turns on his infinity again—but only when he gets close enough to touch you. Lunches together happen more often, dinners sometimes too. Then he puts his infinity down, indefinitely. 

For the most part, your relationship falls into the usual steps of your dynamic with Gojo; there’s no pressure for anything and he likes that, appreciates the time you’re giving him to learn things at his own pace. 

It grows organically that way: knuckles brushing as you both reach for the stapler, pinkies touching whenever you walk side-by-side during site visits—until you’re able to hold his hand fully again, leaving that little infinity between your palms for him to close (hopefully, one day). 

.

.

.

The faculty room is cold, especially during winter. The heating system is never warm enough to keep your hands from shaking whenever you mix your morning coffee. 

“So loud so early,” Gojo saunters into the kitchen, hands in pockets as he approaches the pantry. 

You stop mixing, ceasing the clinking of the spoon against your mug. “How are you not freezing?” 

He shrugs, grabbing his box of (heavily sugared) cereal. “I guess I’m just hot.” he says, turning to wiggle his eyebrows.

You roll your eyes and set your coffee on the table, Gojo following with a bowl brimming with cereal and milk. 

Mornings usually consist of you and Gojo, with an occasional new hire who has an early class that day. Most of the time, it’s just you two though, with Shoko coming in much closer to lunch time already. 

“Want some?” he asks, holding out his spoon.

It’s routine—Gojo asks and you decline, choosing to save yourself from the cavities that he somehow manages to evade despite having a diet of 80% sugar. 

Today though, you’re feeling a little adventurous. 

You nod, opening your mouth. Gojo’s eyes widen, nearly dropping the spoon at your request. You see the flush of his cheeks and smile, corners of your mouth extending wider. The spoon is shoved to your mouth too quickly, almost like he’s embarrassed to feed you. 

“Too sweet,” you scrunch your face, swallowing down the copious amount of sugar you’ll feel for days. 

If there’s one thing you’ve learned about Gojo throughout this whole relationship trial period, he recovers from any state within a nanosecond. There’s no end to how shameless he can be. 

“Like me, right?” he winks.

“Sure,” you drawl sarcastically and Gojo smiles like it’s high praise. 

You sip your coffee slowly, revelling in the heat that flows down your throat.

“Can I have half of that?” you point to his bowl. Gojo looks at you, confused, but slides it over anyway.

What happens next is an abomination to Gojo’s eyes—pure absolute disgust: you pour half of his cereal into your coffee and mix, sipping and crunching on a few pieces every now and then. 

His face contorts into complete distaste, horror and revulsion in the way his mouth hangs open. 

“What are you doing? That’s gross!” he nearly yells, reaching over to bring your mug down. His hand covers yours for a moment, the contact still causing gallops in his heartbeat. 

You laugh, giggling as he processes what you’d wasted his cereal on. It honestly doesn’t taste that bad, you think. 

“You’re weird,” he says to you, the grin on his face uncontained. This morning, he feels fond, like the butterflies in his stomach are warm, tickling him from the inside. “Give me.” he motions to your mug. 

You hold it up for him to take a sip but he keeps his hand over yours when he tastes, sticking his tongue out once the bitterness of your coffee hits. You set the mug down, preparing to reach for your spoon, but he takes your hand in his, long fingers slotting right between yours, interlacing. 

Gojo doesn’t normally reach for your hand, much less interlace them together (a recent evolution to your hand-holding), but this feels nice, how your fingers fit right in the spaces of his. 

You turn to him, a shy smile on your face. The tips of his ears are blush red but he looks at you the same, “Your hands were cold,” he pouts, “is this– is this okay?” 

“Yeah, it’s warm. Thank you, Satoru.” you nod, beaming. And it’s not a competition but he hopes you see the light in his eyes, how it feels to be ignited within him only when he’s spending breakfasts like this with you. 

.

.

.

Shoko asks what you are and you don’t know what to tell her other than you’re happy and it’s good. Gojo’s existence is loud and vibrant, easy to spot from miles away—but he cares for you discreetly, in the hand that gently rests on your lower back while crossing the street, and the seemingly unlimited supply of your favorite coffee when you have no recollection of restocking it ever. 

He gives you a new mug for Christmas, one with little cereals painted all over while you give him his own tube of hand cream that he claims always smells like you. 

During the faculty New Year celebration, you overhear one of the new hires make a move on Gojo. You aren’t bothered by it or anything, simply walking past to sip your sake by the couch. You can hear them talk a bit from the kitchen, but you try not to pry despite how curious you are about his response. 

Until—

“I’m taken,” you hear Gojo say bluntly. 

Everything rings in your ears after that. The countdown music is loud, but your heart beats louder; there are murmurs and footsteps around you, but only one man crouches down to check on you, glass of water in hand. 

You snap out of it and see blue, the sky—a familiar light; you don’t think you can control the smile on your face, the alcohol lowering your inhibitions to paint on something lovesick. 

And when he smiles back, pink lips stretching wide—oh your heart can’t take it. He places one hand on your knee, rubbing gently. You hear it faintly, how he asks if you’re okay, but all you can do is nod, words failing to express how you feel right now.  

The countdown starts. 3 — and you take his face in your hands, squishing his cheeks to an image of him on your phone from many, many years ago. 2 — you go closer and his eyes go wide, a mixture of panic and surprise, but soft at the same time. 1 — you lean in and his eyelids fall shut, his chest on rampage. Then it lands, there, on the tip of his nose: a delicate peck and the smell of sake mixed with mint (like the lip balm you always carry around in your pocket). 

When you pull away from him, you’re smiling the biggest he’s ever seen, and he can’t feel it from how numb his cheeks have become, but he’s doing the same. 

.

.

.

That kiss to his nose serves as the catalyst to the months that follow: Gojo becomes more comfortable touching you now, and though he blushes every single time, there’s nothing to be ashamed of because you do too. Shoko can’t believe the slow burn this is taking you both, having watched this on the sides since you were both 22, but you think you like it—like the slow drizzle of honey on Gojo’s favorite breakfast waffles. 

“How is it?” you ask, watching as Gojo takes a big bite. 

“D Beft.” he replies, mouth full as he chews. You take the seat beside him and take a spoonful. 

“There’s a secret ingredient.” you say mischievously, wiggling your eyebrows. 

He swallows before he scoffs, “What?” cutting up another piece, “Love?” 

You’re surprised because he says it so casually, and Gojo’s never talked about love, has never even mentioned the word since this shift in your relationship. He realizes a beat late by the expression on your face and gets flustered, thinking immediately of ways to brush past it. 

You had meant to say that you used that infused sugar he buys whenever he goes to Kyoto, but… you suppose love works too. He should know by now, right? 

“If it is?” you whisper, pretending to stir your coffee. 

Gojo doesn’t know how to approach this, really, but he’s come too far to back out now. He clears his throat, mentally running through what he wants to say, then, “Good. ‘Cause that’s what I put in your coffee too.” 

You laugh and the tension dissipates; there are hearts in your eyes for how hard Gojo has tried after denying himself of this for so long. 

He stares at you—at the laugh lines by your eyes and the soft curves of your lips, the moment moving much too slow, stop motion in his mind. He’s drawn in until you’re all too close, a few centimeters from your noses touching. 

Your laughter dies and your cheeks feel like they’re on fire; he’s so close you think he might kiss you. The signs are there—his eyes scaling your face to focus on your lips, his tongue peeping ever so slightly to wet his lips. 

So you wait. 

But he doesn’t, because he moves away after wiping his thumb on the side of your mouth. Even though you know there was nothing there. 

Gojo continues to eat, blabbering about a site visit he’s assigned to next week, but you don’t miss the way his ears are fully red and how he’s biting his lips to death.

.

The tension this time is different; instead of a growing rift, you can’t seem to be close enough. Every time you part ways, he lets go of your hand more reluctantly—as if he wants to say more, do more, but stops himself while he still can. 

When he leaves for missions, you kiss his cheek, pull him in by the hand and linger there, shyly. He gets embarrassingly red but tries to cover it up by telling you not to miss him too much (even though you know you will, and he knows he’ll miss you more). 

Your near-kisses with Gojo happen more frequently, and it comes to a point where he even manages to land one on your forehead, while you fall asleep next to him on his office couch. 

It’s driving you crazy, this tension—the mixed signals of it all. You try to kiss him a few times on the lips, but he evades them each time. You’ve caught Gojo staring at your lips more times than you can count; if that isn’t a sign, you don’t know what is. 

Now that Gojo thinks about it, he’s come so far yet the prospect of kissing you properly still scares him. What if he fucks up? Doesn’t do it right? What if it’s not how he wants you to be kissed? 

There’s that secret Gojo will never tell you, of how seeing that look on you has never gotten him more afraid. And he’s worked through that now, but it’s evolved into something else: how Gojo is now afraid of love, more than anything else, not because of loss but because he might not know how. 

And kissing you, loving you this way—he’s never done it before, doesn’t know how to make you feel love without his lips shaking and heart palpitating; how to do it while letting you know he feels the same. 

.

It happens during an assignment out of town. Curses aren’t as bad as they used to be, but they’re still stronger than what any of the available sorcerers right now can handle. 

You don’t remember the last time you saw Gojo use his technique that way—almost forgotten how powerful and ruthless he can be. Every time since, holding your hand, keeping you close—he’s just been your Satoru. 

Your apartment for the weekend is a two-bedroom unit with one bathroom and a decently sized living area and kitchenette; Gojo always chooses the room in front of the bathroom because he tends to wake up in the middle of the night to pee (information you know from your many other assignments with him before). Still, going as what you are now—it feels different. 

There’s a charged air between you as you move around the unit; you make your nightly tea while Gojo looks through the groceries for some crackers. It’s peaceful and quiet—domestic almost, but there are goosebumps on your skin for reasons you can’t explain. Being around Gojo lately has felt that way.

He brushes past you to throw the finished packet of crackers and the feeling intensifies; it’s not awkward, just tense, like anticipation sitting deep in your bellies, waiting on each other to make the first move. 

He announces that he’ll use the bathroom first, if you don’t mind, and you motion for him to go ahead. Your mind is fuzzy and having Gojo around seems to only make it worse.

When you walk past the bathroom and straight to your room, you hear Gojo humming that soft pop tune from a popular girl group on the radio earlier. You giggle, thinking it’s sweet—how he sings obnoxiously around everyone else but is admittedly pretty good when it’s just him, alone. 

You still have the rest of the weekend in this area, having agreed to monitor the site and any nearby locations for other suspicious activity, but at least the worst of it is over (maybe just to you though; Gojo hates paperwork). 

The sound of running water stops and you hear the bathroom door swing open. You don’t see Gojo when you exit your room but he leaves the door open to release any remaining steam.

There’s a reason why people say showers are good for the mind. You’re happy for those who’ve found it, but that couldn’t be you, because the only thought plaguing your head right now is Gojo—and whether you should greet him goodnight, if you should kiss his cheek or hug him tight. The tension between you now is palpable, an electric current waiting to zap on both ends. 

Your mind is so out of it that you don't realize you’re missing your skincare bag until after you finish brushing your teeth and dressing for bed. You open the bathroom door with the sole intention of going back to your room to get it, but instead, you’re met with a wall of chest.

Gojo’s eyes are wide, bright blue with damp strands of white falling like curtains barely shielding the sky. He’s just as surprised as you are, toothbrush in his hand as you hold up the towel wrapped around your head. 

You’ve seen Gojo in his pajamas many times before—white long sleeves with gray cotton pants, but your eyes trail to his collarbones and the way the bathroom lights cast it under a soft glow. The redness on his cheeks, a visual manifestation of the heat on yours. 

Gojo can’t stop staring at your lips, at how soft they look—at how soft you look fresh out of the shower. The little baby hairs sticking out under your towel are cute, and he leans in without knowing—a pull he can’t seem to resist. For once in his life, Gojo’s mind is still. 

You try to meet him halfway, tiptoeing, but you’re a little out of your element; you don’t know where to put your hands and your heart’s about to explode out of your chest. When your noses touch, you can’t breathe, closing your eyes while you wait for it. 

But it doesn’t come. 

You feel Gojo’s breath stilling before speeding up into little exhales. Something is wrong. You open your eyes and find him staring back at you, a version of Gojo you haven’t seen in a while—that you rarely see ever, except that day during your confrontation in his office. 

Concern laces your features and you move back a little, hands coming up to caress his cheeks. His eyes still look frantic, but they focus on you when you cup his face so gently. 

“Satoru,” you whisper, voice grounding. His breaths slow down a little. 

You realize that it must be true then, what they say, that those who love to be feared, fear to be loved, because you’ve never seen anyone afraid of something so good as Gojo is of this. 

“Satoru,” you repeat, massaging his temples with your thumb, “we don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

Gojo hates it, how you’ve always had to adjust for him. He hates that he can’t give you this one thing, hates that you’re still so patient, that he’s still so afraid. He swallows, closing his eyes tight before opening them again. 

“I want to,” he chokes out, “I just don’t know—”

You chuckle, without judgment, “I don’t either,” you lean forward, foreheads touching, “but do you want to try together?”

You learn that Gojo sees himself so differently from how you do—and maybe that’s everyone, but Gojo tends to say things while doing the other. He says he can’t bother with kids, but continues to take so many of them under his wing anyway; he calls your cereal concoction disgusting but tastes it regardless; and he says he can’t think about love, doesn’t know how, but proceeds to try so much harder, everyday. 

When you look at Gojo, you see a heart so big, so capable, that he can’t see it himself. 

You nudge his nose with yours and he breathes deeply, closing his eyes once again. If he doesn’t do this now, how much longer ‘till he does? 

Gojo hums before nodding his head slightly. His hands come up to cover yours, toothbrush wedged in the spaces between his fingers; they’re clammy, he’s sure, but he’s kept you waiting long enough. 

When you kiss Gojo for the first time, everything trembles—his pupils, his lips, the breath he takes. It’s all shaky and nervous, but your lips touch and all you know is that you like it there. He’s a little bit stiff but you don’t mind, pressing closer just for a little bit before pulling away. 

Gojo keeps your hands in place, half-lidded eyes staring at you lazily. His ears are fully red now but he’s giving you a look you’ve never seen before—like lightning crackling in the gaps between his eyelids. 

When you kiss Gojo for the first time, you don’t expect it to be by the bathroom door of a rented apartment, while away on a mission. You don’t expect it to be in your pajamas, towel wrapped around your hair as you’re getting ready for bed. You definitely don’t expect him to guide your hands down his neck while he places his on your lower back, squeezing lightly before pulling you in to kiss you again. 

This time, his lips move more pliantly, parting yours slightly; he tastes mint, mixed with the strawberry candy he had earlier and it’s nothing he could have ever imagined before, but is now everything he’s ever wanted. The push and pull between you is magnetic, soft lips and the intermingling of held breaths. All Gojo can think of now is to take, to devour—to keep you with him, like this, always. 

You wonder if Gojo is lying—that he’s never done this before, because you don’t think you can kiss anyone after this and not think of his lips on yours. 

By the time you part, the air is significantly warmer. Your fingers thread through the hair at the base of his neck and you smile, sighing. Gojo looks warm, with his swollen lips and flushed cheeks. 

“That…” you trail off, nudging his nose. 

Gojo looks at you fondly; to ever even think he could have this now, with you—he doesn’t believe in any higher being but you must be his prayer come true. 

“We can practice a bit more, I think.” he pulls you closer, hands gripping your hips. 

You feel it against you, something solid and firm against your stomach and your eyes go wide at the realization; Gojo does the same. 

“Satoru, you–” he moves back and freezes, untangling himself from you completely. There’s a faint outline on the crotch of his pants and your whole face goes red. 

“Let me use the bathroom real quick.” he panics, rushing past you and closing the bathroom door. 

You stand there stunned for a good minute before you shake out of it, laughing. Gojo yells about how you’re being so mean, making fun of him when he’s like this, but you aren’t—not really. 

It’s been a long time getting to this point with Gojo, but considering all things, you think, this might just be the beginning.

thank you notes: i would also like to shoutout @stellamancer for leaving such lovely comments on dybil that it actually kinda pushed me to write this longer piece connected to it!!

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

[cup1dz]

TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY (g/n reader x ruggie bucchi)

★ ruggie doesn't know why, but he seeks you out when he gets injured. and he doesn't know why, but you let him in knowing who he is and what he's done. ★ fluff(?) ruggie is a little angsty here methinks ★ 2.7k words, reader is the ramshackle prefect, written from ruggie's pov because why not, ruggie is written a bit more melancholic than canon for The Plot

ruggie’s been in fights before. 

too many to count, really. it’s a given, considering his tendency to take anything that seems like it can be repurposed or sold. old habits die hard, he supposes. even if he’s living way better off than how he was a couple years ago, he still feels that itch in his fingers whenever he sees something he can take. it’s never ending, that constant want in his gut for more. it’s a good thing that most of the students on campus are so easily duped. 

most of them, at least. 

ruggie knows he’s agile enough to outrun any spell cast at him. scratch that, ruggie knows he can outrun anything if he tries hard enough. he’s got stamina and determination for days, and simple humans could never outpace a beastman. especially not a hyena beastman. even if ruggie gets caught pickpocketing, it’s just too easy to escape from the scene of the crime. after all, some kids never grew up needing to run like he did.  

but nobody’s perfect, and even ruggie messes up sometimes. really, he’s gotta hand it to those prissy heartslabyul kids with nothing bouncing around in their empty heads besides tea and biscuits, they know how to aim their spells. 

thankfully, the magical properties of the school uniform nullified most of the effects of the spells that hit him. it’s just a shame his face isn’t quite as immune. as luck would have it, one of the fire spells just barely managed to hit him, leaving him with a minor burn on the side of his face. he’s lucky he got away with his life, really. who knows what would’ve happened if it hit him dead on. 

as he sprints through corridors, desperately holding onto the heartslabyul students’ wallets, he briefly considers playing goody-goody later in the year so he can recruit them. it’s really too bad they were aiming their spells at him rather than at a spelldrive disc. their talents would be better utilized on the field. 

leona would probably be pissed he brought along heartslabyul students, but in the end he would begrudgingly acknowledge their potential. and when he realizes what great players ruggie brought, he’ll toss some of his princely dollar bills ruggie’s way as a thank you, and ruggie can treat himself to a hard-earned meal. 

yet even as the prospect of securing a dinner lies tantalizing before him, the throbbing pain of the burn on his face snaps him out of it.

maybe he should be getting used to burns by now, considering all the times he’s accidentally been blasted with a fireball in the countless spelldrive training matches in savanaclaw, but what can he say? he’s a sensitive hyena.  

ruggie takes a moment to glance behind him. the corridor is empty. those heartslabyul kids seem to have given up on trying to trail him. 

he takes a moment to slow down and catch his breath. 

he’s not dumb. now is no time for rest. ruggie knows that at this very moment, he should go to the infirmary as soon as possible. or maybe his dorm instead, to ensure that those heartslabyul kids won’t find him and try to start something again. who cares if the sweltering heat of savanaclaw irritates his injury? at least he’d be safe.  

yet as he begins his trek to the hall of mirrors, he hesitates. stops again. glances around. and decides to make a detour to your place instead. 

stupid, he knows. but his feet seem to have a mind of its own, dragging him to you rather than back to his room. 

nobody would go looking for him at your place, he rationalizes, it’s safe. it wouldn’t aggravate his burns like savanaclaw would. 

most importantly though, there’s you there. and ruggie, the greedy hyena he is, would endure any pain if it meant a singular second longer with you. your presence is, admittedly, compensation enough for the troubles he has to face.

but the rational part of him doesn’t want to drag you into his problems. what if they do come looking for him at yours? you’re a stupid bleeding heart, and considering your track record for playing savior, he doesn’t doubt that you’d immediately try to help him. if he makes you take care of him, makes you deal with his own situations, then he owes you one. and if there’s anything he wants to avoid most, it’s owing people. 

and he absolutely cannot owe you, of all people, anything, lest he fall into madness trying to figure out the unsolvable problem of how to pay back someone who deserves something far more than what he can provide. what can ruggie bucchi offer you that matches anything you’ve done for him? honestly, he shivers to think about what sort of repentance would be enough for you. 

you’d probably tell him that you don’t need some sort of thank-you gift, and that’d make him go crazy. usually, he’d praise those people to heaven and back, grateful to keep his money and his time. but with you, he feels like he’s tearing his own hair out in frustration. just take his damn gifts of gratitude! 

but even as his brain tells him to turn right back around and go back to the hall of mirrors, he finds himself at your doorstep. he hesitates a little before pocketing the wallets and knocking. 

...now that he thinks about it, do you even have proper first aid equipment?

“ruggie?” you say as you open the door, interrupting his thoughts. your expression morphs from being confused to being worried. he feels like an insect under a microscope when your eyes flick to the rather prominent burn on his face.

“had a little run-in,” he laughs. the sound isn’t as smooth as he thought it’d be, and it only seems to make you frown even more. “can i, uh, y’know, crash on your couch real quick?”

he probably looks like a stray dog, begging for scraps at your doorstep. do you think he’s pitiful? is he someone to be pitied?

your eyes soften. “like i’d say no. come in.”

you step aside, allowing him access into your home. it’s funny, the way the outside is so rundown, but the inside is perfectly cozy. for some reason, you personally put in the effort into transforming an old house clearly falling apart at the seams into something somewhat decent looking. 

ruggie doesn’t really understand why you bothered. it isn’t your responsibility to take on the burden. if it were him, he would’ve just let someone else do it.

doesn’t mean he’s not a fan of your furniture choices though. you suggest he go sit on the couch and he practically collapses onto it. his ears pick up the sound of you running water and opening cabinets. probably looking for first aid. good to know you do, in fact, possess medical supplies. 

you scurry over to where he’s sprawled on your couch and hand him a cool, wet cloth.

“thanks,” he grins, sighing with relief as he presses it against the burn, “you’re too good to me, you know that? you okay with having me in your house like this?”

(are you okay with having me at all? are you okay with me?)

“of course i am,” you say with a huff, placing the kit on a nearby table, “why wouldn’t i be?” 

ruggie blinks. he can think of a multitude of reasons why you wouldn’t want him in your space.

“if someone who stole from me came up to me asking for help, i wouldn’t just, y’know, let them in with a smile and be like, ‘sure, why don’t you put your feet up on my couch, even!’” he says. with a more rueful sigh, adds on, “man, you’re just too nice for this school. ya gotta learn that not everyone has your best interests at heart.”

you roll your eyes playfully. clearly, it’s not the first time someone’s told you to be more alert. it surely isn’t ruggie’s first time telling you to watch your back. at this point, he’s pretty sure the information just goes in one ear and out the other.

why do you care so much? actually, scratch that, why don’t you care at all?

“you didn’t steal from me, you stole from grim,” you quip back, popping open the lid of the first aid kit, “so technically, you haven’t wronged me just yet. at least not enough to warrant me shutting the door in your face. anyways, i’ll let you know, i’ve been extremely, super-duper careful. haven’t gotten into a sticky situation in a week now.”

“...hate to be the one to break it to you, but most people don’t get into ‘sticky situations’ like overblots ever.”

you burst out into laughter, and the sound is just as soothing as the cool press of the cloth against his raw skin. maybe you do possess some sort of magical prowess after all, the way you make all aches dissipate into thin air. 

no, that’s not it. no amount of healing magic could hold a candle to how your smile heals his soul.

“ya know what,” he says with a smile, sitting up as you grab ointment, “i won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. if you’re offering oh-so politely to give me medical care for free, well, just who am i to refuse?”

“honest as always, huh?” you smile back. you gently pull ruggie’s hand away to apply ointment to the burn, and ruggie’s heart rate spikes. when you grip his chin so you can be more precise, he’s almost certain that you can feel the way his face heats up. 

he could’ve done it himself. but you just took it upon yourself to do it for him like the goody-two-shoes you are. what a savior. 

ruggie’s learned that in the real world, the only person he can rely on is himself. when he got hurt and scraped up, the only person that could help was him and him alone. but with you, he’s reminded of how his grammy used to kneel in front of him and kiss the cuts on his hands better. he’s reminded of that feeling of having somebody else take care of him for once. 

it’s nice. being here with you. letting you take care of him. really nice. 

you’re nice. 

ruggie can’t help but stare at your concentrated expression as you carefully dab at the raw skin. can’t help but stare at the furrow of your brow, the way your eyes squint slightly, the way you bite the bottom of your lip. how would you react if he told you the reason why he got burned was because he nabbed the wallets off some poor heartslabyul kids? how would you react if he told you, yet again, that he’s stolen something?

you probably wouldn’t care. you probably already know the reason why he got hurt was because of some nefarious act of greed. the thought that that’s what you think of him, someone who perpetually lies and steals, is a heavy one, but nonetheless true. 

but you still sit here and treat his wounds. you, who is possibly the very definition of an angel, treat the wounds of a thief without a moment’s hesitation. you and your stupid bleeding heart.

why?

“does it hurt?” you ask softly, pulling away. ruggie can’t help but try to chase after your touch like the greedy hyena he is. begging for more than what he’s allowed like he always does.

“‘course not,” he snickers, “who do you think i am? it’s gonna take a lot more than a little cream to get my hair standing on end.”

“of course,” you roll your eyes again with a smile, procuring gauze from your first aid kit, “shouldn’t have asked. you’re the most resilient student i’ve ever met.”

ruggie’s shoulders shake as he laughs, a hand coming to his mouth to partially hide the ever-familiar grin on his face.

“resilient, huh?” he says, “that’s definitely one way to put it.”

you reach out once more, cradling his face and covering the burn with gauze. you treat him like some sort of precious object. what a stark contrast to him being thrown against the floor only hours prior.  

does he deserve this genuine kindness from you? maybe not. but when has the concept of “deserving something” ever stopped ruggie? 

“and… there,” you breathe a sigh of relief, a proud smile working its way to your face as you gaze upon your incredible work of medical genius, “good as new!”

ruggie’s fingers reach up to gently brush against the gauze. he feels like he’s just cheated you of your time, medical supplies, and energy. 

…he hopes you can forgive him, because he doesn’t feel a lick of regret. 

(what can he say? he never said he was ashamed of being a thief.)

“thanks,” he says, “you’re surprisingly good with first aid. must’ve had to open up the kit a lot recently, huh?”

“you know it,” you sigh dramatically, closing the kit with a click! “you’d think after the third time, something would change! but nope, i’m still getting thrown around like a ragdoll left and right.”

you seem to realize something, and inquisitively tilt your head towards him. “now that i think about it, why’d you come here instead of the nurse? they could’ve healed you up in a second of what it took for me to bandage you.”

“you’re asking that now?” ruggie asks, “man, you really are too trusting. i could almost mistake you for kalim.”

“very funny. so?”

ruggie hums, pretending to be lost in thought.

“...i’m used to doing it this way,” is what he settles on. kicking up the dramatics, he sighs and places a hand on his heart. “back home, there weren’t many people who could do fancy-schmancy healing magic, y’know? so this is more familiar.”

“liar,” you accuse immediately, “you could’ve just done it yourself then.”

“i wasn’t lying! and anyways, fine, i guess i just wanted to leech off you, then.”

“hey!”

ruggie laughs again, leaning back on the couch as you giggle along with him. 

“okay, okay,” he relents, “you want an honest answer from lil’ ol’ me? i like being doted on. y’know, i’m always being run so ragged by leona all the time, i can’t do all the work myself. why should i when i could come here and get you to take care of me and serve me delicious snacks?”

you gasp in mock offense. “is that all i am to you? free help and food?”

“and free couches!”

okay, yeah. maybe he’s not being entirely honest. even though it is true he likes being doted on. having grandmas serve you biscuits whenever you feign sickness was always pretty nice. but when you dote on him, it’s just… well.. 

you make him feel like he’s worth more than he actually is.

but when you laugh with him and swat at his shoulder, he thinks that you probably don’t need to know all that. 

“...thanks again,” he smiles, “is it okay if i stay a little longer? i don’t feel like walking all the way back to my dorm.”

“duh!” you say immediately. the way you don’t even hesitate, the way you don’t think twice about having ruggie in your home, in the space you so carefully curated, it makes him feel butterflies in his stomach. 

you don’t mind if he stays. you don’t mind letting someone so obviously beneath you take up space in your home and use up your supplies. you don’t mind keeping a lowly thief. 

…you really are too trusting.

“wait,” you tell him, “let me go get you a drink or something.”

“there’s the free food part. been waiting for you to pull that out!”

“hey, don’t test me! or i’m gonna feed you grim’s cat food!”

note: hey guys... GULP. i know i said the next fic would be a deuce fic but WHHEHEEEWW i underestimated how much school would be a pain and how much i'd have to write!! the slow burn really is slowly burning. Sorry if the plot kind of doesn't know its own identity i just wrote this because i wanted to write for ruggie and thats all that really matters right..............

[ishgard]

Presenting: An Absurdly, Stupidly Long and Wordy Warrior of Light-based Questionnaire, or as my bestie dubbed it:

30 WoL Think Thonkers

Less an ask prompt, more of a daily prompt, (though you can use it as an ask prompt if you prefer!) Answer the questions however you want: straight-forward, with stories or screens, or a mix of all.

Get any of your little brainworms out. Wax poetic, ramble off into several digressions, challenge yourself to answer in the least amount of words possible, whatever you're vibing with! (If you want to tag them #wolthinkthonkers feel free!)

This is very Warrior of Light and MSQ based. It's set from a Post-Endwalker mindframe, so there are some minor/vaguely worded spoilers.

----------------------- WARM-UP QUESTIONS

I. Where is your Warrior of Light from? What was their home like growing up and what set them out on their journey?

2. What city-state did your WoL start in? How did they feel about it then, and how do they feel about it now? (ie, did their experiences sour their perception, or make them appreciate it more?)

3. How do they feel about being Hydaelyn's chosen? (Feel free to break it down from ARR's "Champion of Eorzea" all the way to "The Savior of Etheirys" as much as you like. Have those feelings changed, or just grown more complex?)

4. What do they do in their down time? Do they have any hobbies outside of Primal-slaying and world-saving? Are these lifelong hobbies or recent interests?

5. How do they feel now that "it's all over" (the story of Hydaelyn and Zodiark)? What do they plan to do next? Or is their story finished - and if you're retiring them, what does retirement look like for them? Do you have someone else taking the stage going forward?

6. Who was their Azem? What were they like, and were they different from your WoL? Who were their family, friends? Or, if you don't care for the Azem angle or went in your own direction for their past self, how so? How does your WoL feel about their Ancient identity?

----------------------- CHANGES

7. Have they gone through any physical changes? What scars have they collected, and how do they feel about them? Did they sprout horns or other features as a result of spells or pacts gone wrong? How did light corruption impact them? Or have they walked away miraculously unscathed? Are they more peculiar for how eerily unmarred they are?

8. What is one of their biggest regrets? Has it had an effect on how they act moving forward, for better or worse?

9. The Warrior of Light has been through quite a lot, but what is a moment, big or small, that bolstered and renewed their spirit? Was it a cup of hot cocoa or a lovingly crafted sandwich? Did someone give them a few words or a gesture at just the right time that meant the world to them? (Of course, this can be a canon event or headcanon!)

10. What does home look like for them now? Do they still return to the home where they started, and if so has it changed at all? Or have they found or forged a new home? Who do they live with, if anyone? What sort of things do they keep in their personal space?

11. Despite everything, is it still you? Has the core of who they are as a person remained true through everything, or have they been changed by what they've experienced and learned, for better or worse?

13. Is there a canon moment you've drastically (or not-so-drastically) rewritten? A character death, or something that just really did not fit your WoL's character. Or just some alterations and personal touches you've added? Has that had any long-term changes on the wider story?

----------------------- STORY

12. Which canon moments shaped your Warrior of Light and impacted them the most?

14. Do you have any headcanons for what happened post-Ultima Thule? What kind of injuries did they suffer, or did they walk it off like a boss? Did they take a lengthy vacation, did you shove a time skip in there before 6.1 hit? Or was it quickly off to the next adventure?

15. What were their thoughts and feelings on the events of Myths of the Realm? How did they regard the Twelve prior, and how did the revelations impact them? Was meeting their patron particularly special to them, or not really?

16. What were their thoughts and feelings delving into Pandaemonium? How did they feel working alongside Themis and Lahabrea, after all their history? What did they think about how things ended?

17. Taking a step away from "canon", do you have any wholly unique side quests and adventures your Warrior of Light has gotten caught up in? Did they chase down ghosts of their own past, get married, open a bakery, or fix an ancient blood curse on their family line? Have they reunited with loved ones or buried old hatchets? If there's some unique story behind your character, how does it show up and how did it play out?

----------------------- COMBAT & ABILITIES

18. How do they feel about the work they do? As the Warrior of Light they're tasked with quite a lot of violence, is it something that comes naturally to them or do they resist it? Are they merciless, do they try to spare as many lives as they can, or do they fall somewhere in between?

19. While many fights are dramatic or have high stakes, are there any especially memorable or difficult fights they encountered? Outside scripted battles, were there conflicts that you thought felt better if they were tweaked for narrative or lore-based reasons, ie their first time fighting a primal? Or perhaps a more meta "You the player had a hard time so it translated into headcanon for them".

20. Are there any unique abilities that they possess outside of what's in-game? Are they actually a dragon, or do they see visions of the future? Or, is there a special way that their Echo manifests?

21. Jobs! What job is your character and why is that the route they chose? Is your WoL a Jack-of-all-Trades, or just have one (or a few) specialties? Did they start with one job and change to another? Have you 'homebrewed' their job at all, adding any unique twists or details to it?

----------------------- RELATIONSHIPS & THE WORLD

22. What are their feelings on the Scions? Who are some of their closest allies and dearest friends? Are they more of a loner, or closer to people outside the Scions? Have they kindled any romances or partnerships?

23. How do they feel about getting pulled into politics? Are they adept at navigating political intricacies, or does it go over their head? Do they appreciate getting asked to do more than punch their enemies, or would they really rather just punch their enemies? Are there any areas they like to be particularly involved in?

24. How do they feel about Hydaelyn? What was their perception of the Mothercrystal in the beginning, and how did that change by the end, if at all?

25. Do they have any particular enemies that stand out to them? Someone who inspired a lasting grudge? Our beloved and beloathed antagonists give us plenty of reasons to despise them, but are there any that particularly rubbed your WoL the wrong way? On the other hand, are there villains they can't help but sympathize with, even if it's at odds with the narrative or their allies?

26. What are their thoughts on the Ancients, their way of life, and the world they lived in? Did they sympathize at all with the Ascians, or did learning the truth not influence them in that way?

27. How well known are they? Does everyone know their name as the Warrior of Light, or have they managed to maintain some level of anonymity? Do they prefer it that way, and do they have any struggles resulting from it? (Getting stopped on street corners VS awkwardly avoiding questions.)

----------------------- WHAT'S NEXT

28. What's something they look forward to? Exploring the stars, more of a place we've already been, or somewhere we haven't? Or do they look forward to retirement, starting a business with their craft of choice, or any other little old thing?

29. How do they feel heading into Dawntrail? Excited? Exhausted? What do they think of the promises of adventure to come, and their role to play? If you're using a new character, do you have any idea how they'll end up on this path, and where is their headspace starting out?

30. What are they going to be doing while waiting for the ship to Tural?

[tinydefector]

TINY-DEFECTOR WORK MASTERLIST

RULES BELOW ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

REQUEST & ASK OPEN

Please feed me request they are keeping me sane.

information

1. I WRITE M/M GENDER NEUTRAL READERS OR CANON CHARACTERS I WILL WRITE TRANS MALE.

I am not a Fem writer

2. have the right to not do request if I don't want to.

3. I get a large number of requests, and sometimes they get lost in my inbox.

4. Every three months I will do an inbox clear out. And will save what I'm working on into my drafts.

5. I write as a hobby to keep myself busy.

it's been a long while since i've written on tumblr. I lost my last account, but I'm hoping to get back into writing fics or oneshots again. Mainly going to be Writing Transformers.

What I write for:

Transformers - Bumblebee

Transformers- ROTB

Transformers Prime

Transformers Gen 1

Transformers Mtmte, IDW

Transformers Skybound

Transformers Earthspark

Transformers One

Character list and links below ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Requests & ask Rules:

I don't tend to close my request unless I get over 30+ of them.

- 1 character per request if you want a longish one shot fic.

- you can make requests for multiples with scenarios but but I tend to keep them short with a few headcannons added in.

- Specify if you want a continuation of a previous fic.

- I will do both human and Cybertronian and occasionally Experimental monster readers.

-if requesting Cybertronian for smut, they have both a valve and spike as I write all Cybertronians with both parts, all cybertronian characters I write have both parts. (I will accept request with the fem bots, I just don't write Fem readers)

- your more than welcome to ask for NSFW, SFW, Angst, fluff and all sorts. I'm pretty chill. All Smut and NSFW content is marked with #valveplug

I write: gender neutral, or Male characters, (I'm not good nor do I like writing fem character, I'm a guy, if I do get fem readers I'm going to write them as gender neutral)

I will do:

- Scenarios

- Yandere and possessive.

- family content

-disabilities (to the best of my knowledge)

- Fluff/Angst

- fearplay, mouthplay

-Vore: soft vore/ light vore (may experiment, but very light)

- NSFW, kink:

and Dub-con/ consensual Non-con

size kink 

skin fetish 

hair pulling 

Scent/ smell/ pheromones

Sex pollen/perfume.

silk and ribbon play

cum inflation 

breeding

pet play

Predator/prey

(On occasions will write Alpha/Omega/Beta, I write it rather differently to the classic AOB. But I will only write it on very rare occasions)

vore

fluid play and consumption (paint, energon, oil, cum, spit, lubricant,)

spiking warming

Heart and spark syncing 

new spike and Valve modifications to test on their human lover

(Just ask pretty much)

-Pregnancy

- death request are alright just keep it civil I won't go into details on the deaths.

- The AUs:

First Contact PotatooftheLand

Tasty AU of @callsign-relic

Energy fluid AU - (my silly energy drink transfluid ones)

Human effects series - (either characters for the main storyline or smut request spin off's just be specified)

Sparkeater AU

Human pet

Merformers

Wings of Primus AU

Domestic Cybertron AU

I will NOT do:

-Incest

-Pedophilia

- Self harm

-Minors (exceptions if they are children of the Bots and reader but only exception)

- Don't get angry if I'm not willing to write fem characters, I'm a guy, and I tend to stick with trans content, M/M, or gender neutral, but I'm leanent but respect my boundaries.

Slightly iffy:

- death of parents (I recently lost my mother in an accident so please be aware I that things one's sometimes I won't do due to my own feelings on these fics, while other time I may because it gives me comfort)

I enjoy making silly little one shots or even just sweet little things. I will eventually do up a master list for links once I make more stuff. (Pretty much anything you can think of up that alley I'm more than happy to do)

If you want a request of one who's not on the list, please submit it. These are just all the ones I can remember off the top of my head, people enjoy.

Ps I love writing silly little things too outside of the fics and even enjoy making art to go along with them when I feel up to drawing.

So nothing is too silly ask away over all the strange little things you want to know.

__________

All my art so far:

Tiny art dump

Art dump 2

My little spot for art

Art others have made off fics

_________

Works series

Marine Centre- Merformers Au

Human effects list

Transfluid headcannon

human and Cybertronian biology works

Rut cycle Masterlist

Kinktober 2024

______________________

Character list and links:

Arcee

Beachcomber

Blaster

Blurr

Brainstorm

Breakdown

Bumblebee

Bulkhead

Cyclonus

Drift

First aid

Ironhide

Jazz

Knockout

Megatron

Mirage

Optimus Prime

Perceptor

Pharma

Prowl

Ratchet

Rodimus

Rung

Starscream

Skyfire

Skywarp

Skids

Swerve

Soundwave

Shockwave

Swindle

Tailgate

Tarn

Tarantulas

Thundercracker

Ultra Magnus

Whirl

[lokigonnakmsforbucky]

Sam Winchester NSFW Alphabet

I needed some Sam recently so why not an NSFW Alphabet :) enjoy :))

Rating: MINORS DNI 18+

A= Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Sam first thought after sex is you. How you are feeling, are you sore? etc. He is very sweet and makes sure to cuddle you for a little while before cleaning you up and giving you anything you need before even thinking of himself. You come first. Always.

B= Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and their partners)

Even though he might not like to admit it. He is very confident in his body. He is most confident in his hands. Mostly because of how his fingers have an effect on you.

Sam loves everything about you, but if he had to choose he loves the way your hips are curved, so it is easy to grab you ;)

C=CUM (Anything to do with cum basically... I'm a nasty person.)

If you gave him an okay, he would always cum in you. The way it drips out of you turns him on more.

But, if he couldn't that way he loves seeing it on your tits or face.

D=Dirty Secret

Sam loves when he comes down your throat as you give him a blow job.

E= Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they are doing?)

He may not be as experienced as Dean but he is experienced nonetheless. You will know everything about his past before you have had sex for the first time, but let me tell you he definitely leaves you wanting more after every time.

F= Favorite position (Goes without saying)

Missionary- him between your legs, your legs around his waist locked together. Up close and personal. He loves seeing your face full of pleasure.

Doggystyle- Remember when I said he loves holding your hips? He loves this position.

G= Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? or are they humorous)

He is mostly serious. It's a very serious moment of passion and intimacy for both of you.

I= Intimacy (How are things during the moment, romantic aspect.)

His hands never leave your body, he is very handsy and grabby but he always never leaves his lips off your body.

J= Jack off (Masturbation head canon)

It's not often that he does, in the line of work he does. But, when you are separated he may get one or two out of thinking of you. Or even calling you for help ;)

K=Kinks

Sam loves being dominate towards you. Choking you and edging you.

He also has a bit of a breeding kink. Just the thought of you being pregnant with his child makes him more turned on.

L= Location (where you guys would do the deed)

Sam is a very private guy, so any place that is private like his room is ideal.

But, he has taken the impala for a spin...if you know what I mean.

M= Motivation (What turns them on, or gets them going)

When you wear nothing but his shirt and he sees you with a book, immediately turned on.

N= No (Something they wouldn't do, or turns them off)

Anything that would bring you any pain. You are his love and seeing you in pain is his worse nightmare.

O= Oral (Do they like giving, receiving, both?)

Sam is an Oral god...he loves giving it and watching your face come from pleasure and knowing he is the one doing it.

He loves when you give him a blowjob, it gives him another time to relax.

P= Pace (Are they slow? Fast and rough?)

It really depends on the mood. He can certainly go rough and fast but if you requested gentle and slow. You got it.

Q=Quickie (Their opinion on it, how often would they have one)

Sam is a quickies fan even though he doesn't do them often. But, if you and him have time for a quick fix he is all for it.

R-Risk (Are they risky?)

In Sam's line of work, the risk is dangerous. He don't need it in the bedroom.

S=Stamina (How long can you last? How many rounds?)

Sessions with Sam are so hot and heavy, yall be lucky to have three rounds.

T=Toys (Do you guys own toys? Do they use them?)

You guys own a vibrator which is rarely used, You guys both can satisfy with what you get from each other.

U=Unfair (How likely would they tease)

Let's be honest, You would be the one that would that would tease. But, when Sam had enough of the teasing he would definitely let you know.

V= Volume (How loud are they)

Sam doesn't make much noise but expects a lot of heavy breathing. Low growls and grunts.

X=XRay (What's going on down there)

Sam is a big boy, and I don't just mean his height. You can expect that he is bigger than average.

Y=Yearning (How high is their sex drive)

Despite him big majorly quiet and hiding behind a book, Sam's Drive is higher than you would think.

Z=ZZZ. (How fast he would fall asleep)

He would fall asleep a bit after you did.

[justaz]

arthur has always been suspicious of the tavern excuse for merlin’s absences, but he has no proof on the contrary and when confronted merlin either tells him outlandish tales of near death experiences that have no chance of being remotely truthful or he admits to and apologizes for slacking on his duties to get drunk. one day, he decides enough is enough and he and all the knights go to the tavern with merlin and arthur casually brings up merlin’s history in the tavern and says he could probably beat gwaine in a drinking contest. merlin tries to divert the discussion away from the idea but arthur is determined. they receive a round of drinks and arthur pushes a pint of ale into merlin’s hands with a look of challenge. merlin’s options are to either commit to the lie to hide his secret or admit to the lie and risk exposing his magic. he takes the former. merlin gives lancelot a Look and then slams back the pint of ale with a minor bit of gagging and pauses to breath. gwaine already finished his pint thirty seconds ago but its entertaining to watch merlin so he doesn’t say anything.

merlin (built like a twig, rarely drinks, lightweight) is proper sloshed. arthur is almost vindicated but he needs merlin to admit it. he orders two more pints and gives one to gwaine and the second to merlin, instigating the competition further despite the fact that gwaine won already. merlin grimaces and tries to do the same thing again but only gets a few gulps in before he folds. he slams the mug down and gives arthur a kicked puppy look before admitting and apologizing for lying. arthur is Vindicated. merlin is still wasted.

the nights wears on and merlin feels the effect of the ale more and more every minute that passes. he sits between arthur and lancelot and feels almost unbearably warm but that could be bc of the alcohol in his system, or the crowded tavern. merlin looks around and watches the people that pass their table by while the knights talk and joke and laugh amongst themselves. merlin feels relaxed and excitable now, his worries seem to have melted away and he cant seem to remember why he was always so stressed and worn down before. he sees a game of [insert game here] (i was gonna say darts but google says that game hasn’t been invented in canon time so ill leave it up to interpretation) going on and climbs over lancelot to join in.

the knights watch with amusement and anticipate merlin’s clumsy attempts at [whatever]. oddly enough tho, merlin is a fucking god at [game]. a small crowd gathers and betting pools form and then challengers approach and put money on the line to go against merlin and merlin absolutely demolishes them all. honestly if arthur didn’t know any better, he’d think merlin was using magic to win bc there was no way his bumbling fool of a servant was that good at…anything.

the challengers take their defeat with honor and grace. the audience is a huge fan of merlin and they keep buying him drinks but he just sends them to the table for the other’s to drink. many people come up to him and flirt, maybe motivated by all the money he won that night or maybe just bc he’s merlin, and when merlin responds to them he’s………..he’s a real good fucking flirt? like could put gwaine to shame and he’s rejecting them???? how can someone come across so flirtatiously while turning down offers to take various beautiful people to bed??

arthur was already itching to intervene when people were flirting with merlin but he seemed to have a handle on it so he let it slide, but then people started touching merlin and arthur’s hand had drifted to his hip where his sword was usually sheathed. however, again, merlin was very skilled at escaping the situations with little to no conflict and he came back to the table with his winnings. the knights cheer for him and order more drinks with his money which merlin is too inebriated to notice and truthfully doesn’t really care about. his eyes are on arthur and if arthur thought watching merlin flirt from afar was bad then having him up close in his personal space, hands brushing against his arms and dark eyelashes fluttering softly against his pale skin, breathing his name into the space between them and licking his full pink lips was absolute torture and the worst and best agony he couldn’t even dream up.

[iridiss]

it’s that time again folks. minecraft block people character analysis time. This time I wanna take an in-depth look at Garmau, Laurmau, and Garrance’s character dynamics, and I MEAN in-depth. I am breaking the canon source material down within an inch of its life. I am going to go until I either discover the character limit for a tumblr post, or reach the end of all Aphverse content, or reach the image limit of a single tumblr post. Whichever stops me first. Which is to say, this is a very long post, so if you want to read a Great Gatsby’s worth of information and analysis and gushing about Garrance, Garmau, and Laurmau, this is the place for you!

To get the party started, something I find to be immediately of notice is that the first thing Garroth ever says to Aphmau is a complaint about how he believes no one will ever listen to the guard (to him) anymore, not after Lord Malik’s “horrible” rulership.

This already paints a picture of a corrupt (or at the very least inept) leader that Garroth followed the word of. And by following Malik’s word, the people’s distrust or disdain for their previous Lord now extends to Garroth by proxy. There’s a sort of running theme with Garroth that I presumed, and it’s that Garroth feels a disconnect from the townspeople. They don’t trust him, he fears their disapproval, he’s a little bit of an outcast, regarded with some level of disdain. In Diaries: Rebirth, it’s instead stated that the guard are being suspected for the murder of Lord Malik and his family, because they don’t have the bodies to prove it wasn’t them, which is a WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL of “not trusting the guard”!! But Donna reiterates this idea in Rebirth, stating how the villagers have lost faith in Garroth.

This brings to mind the idea that Aphmau was likely one of the first few that really did listen to Garroth. If he already felt like an outsider in his own town, then it makes sense he would be drawn to a…literal outsider who’s new in town. There could easily be an aspect to Garroth and Aphmau’s relationship that extrapolates upon Aphmau’s attentive and persistent friendliness and kindness making Garroth feel heard and seen in a way he doesn’t often get.

His first overall impression with Aphmau is on the note of feeling surprised and grateful for all the work she’s done for the town. He thanks her, and offers minor aid/makes requests/encourages her to continue. He appears to only grow more and more flattered by her generosity as she continues, and one notable moment between the two of them I found to be utterly adorable was when Aphmau built him the first guard tower in episode 48:

It’s likely that this is how Garroth first started falling in love with her, through her acts of selfless generosity. The lines that stick out to me here are: “This is too much, you didn’t have to do this for me,” and “No one has ever done anything this nice for me.” Giving the impression that Garroth not only hasn’t received very much kindness in his life, but also feels insecure about being showered in presents from Aphmau, further pointing to this idea that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. She keeps giving him what effectively feels like the world to him by repairing his withering village, and he doesn’t feel like he personally deserves any of the gifts she gives him, he’s taken aback and flustered by it and it absolutely means something significant to him that she’s helping his case as much as she is.

Plus, the state of the village likely contributes a lot to Garroth being frowned upon by the other villagers, so she, entirely unintentionally, ends up doing a lot to save his skin and make his life better in her casual, day-to-day improvements on the town. Even more so when Garroth becomes her personal guard and right-hand-man. If his name was soiled by working for Lord Malik, I can only imagine his reputation would be healed by working for Lord Aphmau. Which is to say, she makes his life better overall, without even realizing it.

After that, Garroth gets mortally wounded, and Aphmau travels all the way to Bright Port and faces the Alpha of the Southern Werewolf Tribe (and goes to hell!) to save his life. And soon after his recovery, Aphmau finds Levin, and brings him to Garroth.

He automatically volunteers to help Aphmau raise him the second he hears she’s going to raise this child herself, not even sparing a second to ask if he could but just. Without any hesitation or argument, he immediately steps up as Levin’s new foster dad. This blows me away, personally! Not very many people on this earth would just, without any hesitation or question, automatically volunteer themselves as some random kid’s new father figure just so that they didn’t have to watch their friend suffer through the trial of being a single mom. He recognizes that Aphmau is going to struggle to be a single mom, so he immediately takes away as much of that burden as he can by signing himself up as a co-parent. Now it’s Garroth’s turn to help Aphmau <3

To me, the intimacy of this commitment cannot be understated, even though the canon source material doesn’t recognize it as an intimate thing at all, or even as that big of a deal! They are now co-parents!! Well before they’re ever lovers, most likely well before Aphmau even develops any sort of attraction to or deep, personal bond with Garroth, they have become co-parents. They are now a family, because Garroth refuses to let her go through this alone. That shit!! Should mean!! A lot!!! To her!!! I think!!!!!! And should at the very least be the first, most pivotal moment between the two of them solidifying their bond as companions before anything else!!

I’m also beginning to notice a pattern between these two, a sense of “You’re not gonna be alone anymore. I’m here.” That now goes both ways. Previously, Aphmau had unintentionally been making Garroth feel less alone, and now, Garroth is making sure Aphmau doesn’t go through it alone.

Another adorable addition!!!

“In fact, he welcomed it like a proud father, he did!” I’m going to cry. Garroth helped organize a baby shower celebrating Levin’s arrival!! He was so happy to accept Levin as his new son, he threw a party about it!! “Look at my son!! I’m so proud of him already!!! I love him!! Look at him!! Everyone from Bright Port to Scaleswind will celebrate my new son!!!” Papa Garroth is so cute sometimes, he makes me so happy <3

From this point on, I would consider them companions. Garroth might have developed a small crush on her by this point, and there’s a chance that Aphmau has as well, but there’s also the chance that her feelings for him are still entirely platonic and such a thing has never even occurred to her before. They’re not really close at all, but they’re parenting together now. They’re a family before anything else.

I could be wrong about this but I think this is also around the time when Aphmau starts to receive a lot of pressure from people on the outside to Pick A Man And Get Married. A sizable chunk of the garmau/laurmau/etc. shipping content seems to consist of this, sadly. Where everyone else but Aphmau continues to press her over and over again about when she’s gonna shack up with Garroth or which man she should choose, and if I were in her shoes, I’d get pissed with anyone who asked me this. It’d get real old after the second time ‘round of someone else, completely unrelated to my love life, trying to pressure me to hook up with someone when I didn’t want to or didn’t feel ready to. Fortunately, Aphmau has a LOT more patience than me when it comes to dealing with this shit.

Dale asks Aphmau if she plans on hooking up with Garroth. Aphmau says no, she has too much on her plate right now to think about romance. There’s probably something to be said about how her rejection reason is “I’m too busy right now to worry about that” and not “no, ew, WTF, im not attracted to him, why would i ever hook up with Garroth.” Which, in the subtext, would imply that she very well could have some sort of attraction for Garroth or desire to get with him romantically, but since she’s the Lord of a village and dealing with all kinds of shit, she has decided to sweep all of that shit under the rug and just. Not worry about it, and ignore it for as long as she can before it starts to become a problem. Aphmau likes to do this a lot. If there is any romantic attraction in her brain, throughout most of the series she does a very, very good job at refusing to look at it. (which is very reasonable considering how fucked up everything around her is!! girl’s got a lot on her mind!! she doesn’t have time to start worrying about emotional shit, not when lives are at stake and she has a whole ass village to run and wars to fight !!!)

When the townspeople ask her if she wants to hook up with Garroth, her reaction is not “wait, what? why would I hook up with Garroth lmao. no, I’m not interested in him,” her response is “I don’t want to think about that right now.” And that is a noteworthily different thing than saying “ew no.” There is a world of difference between those two replies. And that is fascinating to me.

This is still a strong contrast to Mystreet Aphmau however, especially in comparison to how Mystreet starts with an Aphmau who crushes HARD and LOUD and is an open book with her feelings, it is NOT hard to tell when that freshman has a crush. MCD Aphmau is, from what I can personally tell, such a master of repressing her own emotions that she can easily be mistaken for having zero attraction for anyone at all throughout the entirety of season 1. For her, you kinda have to dig for “tells” that she’s attracted to Garroth or Laurance, up until the beginning of s2. While Garroth and Laurance wear their hearts on their sleeve, Aphmau buries it deep where she doesn’t have to look at it, doesn’t have to worry about it, doesn’t have to make any rash, life-changing decisions, doesn’t have to face the vulnerability of it, and can instead put her energy towards much more important shit, like saving lives and recovering towns and stopping wars.

This is how I interpret her reactions and responses, at least. She seems much more romantically reserved than Mystreet Aphmau ever is, if im being honest

…then of course there’s this classic moment lmao

Garroth prepares Aphmau a chest of supplies she’ll need for her journey to meet Levin’s mother, and inside is a wedding ring. Aphmau is confused to find a wedding ring in the chest, and says “uhhhh…I don’t need that” and sets it aside. Meanwhile, Garroth stands less than a foot away.

My man, you have got to be less subtle than that.

Not that I think she would have accepted the offer if it were bolder, I believe she would still reject him all the same at this point in time, but this also shows how Garroth prefers to handle matters of confessing his feelings for someone. He doesn’t get on one knee and beg for her to marry him in front of everyone in Phoenix Drop, or make any sort of grand love confession—no, he doesn’t even specify that he was the one who prepared the chest!! He tries to be incredibly subtle about his feelings for her, trying backwards silent ways to maybe, quietly, suggest that he likes her. He’s shy about it!! He struggles to make grand gestures of proclaimed affection!! He’s quiet with his feelings and doesn’t talk about them!!

Later on, this will contrast Laurance, who handles his feelings in the POLAR OPPOSITE way, loudly and proudly and utterly obnoxiously even to a highly detrimental point, and it’s interesting to see the differences in Aphmau’s beginning opinions of Garroth vs her first impression of Laurance. She’s civil and friendly and giving towards Garroth, they don’t talk about their intimate feelings (because they’re both chronically bad at it lmao) but they become a family and she trusts him with that, she trusts him with her child and with her life, and goes the limit to save his own life and make sure he’s okay. And meanwhile, her first impression of Laurance is much closer to hating his guts lmao. It’s interesting to think about how Laurance’s bold demeanor clashes with Aphmau’s more reserved demeanor at first, before that boldness ends up becoming something she needs, something that fills a void in her life that she depends on and trusts to always be upfront and honest with her (we’ll get more into that later). And meanwhile, Aphmau and Garroth both matching with kinda-similar demeanors leads to them becoming friends much faster than Laurmau does, buuut it also means it takes them 100+ episodes to actually confront how they feel about each other lmao.

I also want to point out: At this point, Garroth is not just asking Aphmau to maybe consider dating him. He’s going straight to marriage. Which means Garroth—the man infamously known from running away from a previous engagement, might I add—is willing to become her goddamn husband right goddamn now.

This could probably be attributed again to the fact that they’re co-parents together. Something about assuming it’d be “easier to raise a child together and be levin’s mom and dad for realsies” if they were married. But Aphmau’s also just about to travel to meet Matilda, so Garroth knows that there’s a full possibility that Levin may not be their kid to raise anymore when she gets back. If they got married now, before she left, then they may not be parents anymore, but they could still be a couple/a family together. Maybe this was even some sort of last-ditch effort to salvage that and make sure their new arrangement stays, so he doesn’t have to let go of this wonderful thing with Levin’s absence. My man’s got fatherhood and family and marriage on the mind—and meanwhile, Aphmau doesn’t even want to start THINKING about the possibility of romance. When it comes to handling a possible intimate relationship, they’re both really bad at talking about their feelings, but in terms of what they’re willing to face—these two are on opposite ends of the book. He’s willing to become her goddamn husband, but Aphmau doesn’t even wanna think about romance—no matter what she may truly feel.

It is at this point when Laurance enters the scene.

Lmao, MCD!Aphmau has a WILDLY different reaction to Laurance’s advances than Rebirth!Aphmau. Rebirth!Aphmau blushes bright red and feels flustered and confused by his flirting, and meanwhile MCD!Aphmau says he is “creeping her out” and tells him to get the fuck away from her and says “uhhh no thanks!!” To all of his advances. She is NOT a fan of his pick-up lines and finds his advances unnerving, unwelcome, and often frustrating. I like to imagine this is to contrast gentlemanly Garroth, who would never EVER treat a lady so inappropriately. But Aphmau is frustrated with Laurance’s advances for a long while throughout S1, and it’s only as she starts to get to know Laurance intimately as a person and as a friend first that her reaction to his flirting gradually changes from irritation to laughter, teasing him back and playing along with their banter. He ends up flirting with her mostly just to make her laugh, because he knows she’ll crack up smiling whenever he does, and he likes to see her smile. Buuut that’s only when they become closer friends first, right now they’re practically strangers, and Aphmau hates his inappropriate behavior.

(disclaimer to all the fellas in the audience: please don’t ever actually do this in real life. if a girl very clearly says no to all of your advances, back the fuck off and stop. im taking a gentle hand with this because Laurance is a little more complicated of a character whom I adore very much and I want to analyze him and his relationship with Aphmau with an open-minded, gracious hand in order to give their later relationship and true bond in canon a fair and accurate, loving chance. but in real life? its much simpler. this would be considered sexual harassment. please don’t ever do this lmao)

The first ever Garroth/Laurance/Aphmau interaction is when Aphmau gets arrested. I love the contrast here between how Laurance and Garroth talk about each other. “He seems like a nice guy!” VS “How inappropriate. I’ll make sure to have a few words with him…” Garroth’s first impression of Laurance is disdain for his behavior (and for flirting with his crush), and Laurance’s first impression of Garroth is “I like this guy! He’s nice :)” lmao. The feeling is not mutual, Laurance.

Then we have the face reveal scene. Here, Garroth’s deepest shame is put on display. Very intimately, Aphmau is the only one he trusts enough to see him like this, to let her in and see his worst sins.

He feels like he’s failed the village, and has likely failed his people in general, for a myriad of reasons. 1. He feels responsible for Zenix’s betrayal and corruption, because Zenix was his apprentice, he feels like his upbringing is his responsibility, and if Zenix turns bad, it’s therefore his fault for not teaching him to know better. For not noticing that Zenix was even corrupt or a Shadow Knight in the first place. Garroth feels like the attack on the town is his fault, because of this. 2. He left his kingdom behind in their time of need, because he couldn’t face marrying a woman he didn’t love, so he’s already pretty predisposed to feel guilty and ashamed of himself and convinced that he’s a failure. This is why revealing his face to Aphmau brings back the worst of his shame when paired with Zenix’s betrayal. To him, showing her his princely appearance and his true identity (the thing he tries his damndest to keep hidden from other villagers, his skeleton in the closet) is the equivalent of showing her a raw and infected wound. He is deeply insecure, but Aphmau doesn’t see him as a failure. She doesn’t see him for his faults at all and sympathizes with him, insisting that he doesn’t deserve to hurt like this. He disagrees.

Maybe he’s too far deep in his own shame for pretty words to drag him out, maybe he knows that Aphmau doesn’t understand that he’s a Prince yet. She doesn’t understand the full extent of his crimes, so she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. It’s a nice sentiment, but he’s certain that once she learns the full truth about him, she’ll turn her back on him and see that the cruel voice inside his head is right.

Little does he know how truly forgiving Aphmau is, especially with him. She worries for him.

I wonder if there’s an angle to be played that Garroth’s personal shame and self-loathing might effect his ability to open up and be confident and bold on his own—and how that would effect his view of Laurance, as well. Because here’s the thing, Garroth doesn’t know it yet, but Laurance is just as full of guilt and shame as he is. Laurance blames himself for the death of his father figure, Lord, and previous mentor, in the same way Garroth blames himself for Zenix’s attack. Laurance feels like he’s failed as a guard, and it’s easy to think that he would carry that feeling with him going forward. But Laurance handles his shame differently. He handles it by hiding behind a mask.

This clip is fascinating to me because it’s the first time Laurance truly, fully, deeply opens up to Aphmau on a vulnerable level. And in doing so, he lets her peek behind the mask for just a moment, to reveal that this flirtatious Casanova exterior he has is nothing but that—an exterior. An act. It’s something he’s making up to hide the fact that in truth, he’s awkward and doesn’t know what to do or how else to respond to all the one-sided advances he’s getting. He doesn’t flirt with the girls of Meteli because he actually likes them, he does it because… he doesn’t know what else to do. He goes along with the game as a sort of front, and without it, he actually really struggled to talk to girls and connect with others. He never actually forms a more intimate bond with any of these girls, and later on he even reveals that he’d never even kissed a girl before Aphmau. This man is a single virgin who hasn’t even kissed anyone before, he doesn’t actually sleep around or date anyone, the player act is all for show.

And I believe Laurance uses this front to cover up other emotions or parts of himself as well, more than just his true awkward nature and disinterest in any of these women. Laurance strikes me as the kind of guy who uses humor to cope with the pain, or to hide how insecure/scared/depressed/upset he actually feels. Maybe if all of Meteli thinks of him as the confident, sexy, Casanova flirt who picks up chicks all the time, they won’t see him for the failure he truly is: the guard who couldn’t even save his father’s life.

Garroth hides behind a literal mask. Laurance hides behind a figurative one.

But Laurance is so good at pretending to be confident and bold and brave that it’s likely Garroth feels jealous of him. In episode 15 of S2, Garroth says: “…Or maybe, I’m just having flashforwards to things I should have done. I feel like I should have taken the time to know you more as a person, rather than just protecting you as my Lord. In a way, I’m a little jealous of Laurance. He was able to befriend you, and make you laugh. . . . I wish I had the chance to create fond memories like that with you. I wasn’t sure how to approach you, so I just acted as your Guard.” Which is true! Before Laurance showed up, 98% of Garroth and Aphmau’s interactions were purely formal.

It’s funny, despite Aphmau not actually wanting any of Laurance’s romantic advances, Garroth wishes he could be more like Laurance. I can guarantee you if Garroth tried to flirt with Aphmau as obnoxiously as Laurance did, he would still get rejected. Because Aphmau doesn’t really work that way, you need to become her friend first, form an actual bond, before she’d even allow herself to start thinking about romancing you. She’s not one for smooth, confident, hot guys who pick up chicks, she’s got a goddamn job to do (even if Garroth flirted with her, it wouldn’t change the workload she has to focus on instead)

By episode 39, Garroth‘s opinion of Laurance seems to be improving. From nothing but irritated disdain, to “he’s a good man, he’s in my good graces and I’m on friendly terms with him now, but I still don’t like how inappropriately he treats you.” Laurance’s friendliness is beginning to be reciprocated! :D There’s also a blooming impression that Laurance and Garroth are beginning to speak with each other off-screen, especially with Laurance talking about them sharing a previous confrontation over Aphmau off-screen (and Laurance flippantly disregarding Garroth’s request to stop harassing her lol)

And then… Laurance gets trapped in the Nether. He sacrifices himself to save Aphmau (and castor)‘s life, but sadly gets left behind to face Shad all by himself. It’s an incredibly noble thing for him to do, and frankly, it’s a way we can look at Laurance’s actions, and not his words, to see more clearly what kind of person he truly is at heart, and it’s someone selfless and caring and honorable enough to give his life to save an old friend that consistently pisses him off, and a woman he barely even really knew. It’s an act that solidifies an impression on Aphmau, and from this point onwards, she doesn’t seem to treat him like an annoyance anymore, but as a friend that she worries for and wants to take care of.

Garroth’s reaction is more…complicated, however. When Aphmau first arrives on PD shores to tell him the news, Garroth’s reflexive reaction is this:

Garroth doesn’t hate Laurance for “stealing his thunder” and saving Aphmau’s life, it actually hugely improves his opinion of the man. He’s deeply grateful for him and his sacrifice, and values his honor and knighthood quite a lot. He’s determined to save him and bring him back (even though he may pose a “threat” as a “romantic rival”).

…Up until Ungrth comes back with the news of Laurance’s transformation into a Shadow Knight. Now here’s where shit gets dicey. As a Shadow Knight, it would be in Laurence’s nature to kill Aphmau, and he forever will be drawn to killing her. This makes him incredibly dangerous, and a massive risk to Aphmau’s life from this point forward. Understandably, this makes Garroth feel a bit… nervous. Apparently so nervous that he decides to pull this:

This feels a bit cold, to me. It makes sense logically speaking, but like. I’m pretty sure the continuity of the series forgot this rule for a reason lmao, because forcing Laurance to kill himself the second he leaves the Nether would be one HELL of a derailment of the main plot. There’s a potential timeline out there where the narrative didn’t forget about this rule and Garroth could’ve tried to hold him to this, and he tries to pressure him into it, and Laurance gets caught in a binding dilemma as a guard, but also as a person!! That’d be dark as shit!! And very fucked up!! Especially considering the horrific trauma he’s been through and the mental state he’s in once he’s freed!! There’s a world out there where Garroth makes his mental health sooooooo sosososo much worse than it was and Aphmau has to step in and tell him to knock it the fuck off. Would it be in character for him to do that? I dunno! That’s why I’m here! Did Garroth abandon his own rules on purpose? Was it intentional that Garroth never ended up holding Laurance to the rule he created? Is there a world where Garroth gets it in his craw that he needs to protect Aphmau above all else, even at the cost of Laurance’s life, and he hand-writes and integrates a new and damning rule into Knighthood itself to eliminate him as a threat—but then he actually reunites with Laurance, and he sees him for the traumatized, earnest, tender, broken man that he is, and silently decides to never bring it up again? To potentially betray his own honor as a guard by forgetting the very rule he created, because he can’t bring himself to face the cruel reality of actually forcing Laurance to do it now that he’s seeing him face-to-face? Did Laurance’s return soften his heart?

…or was that just a continuity error in an amateurly crafted minecraft roleplay series made in a youtuber’s bedroom lmao.

…Probably just the latter. Either way, I can’t help but just…take note of the vehement 180 he did? When it’s just Laurance by himself, he’s desperate to save him, but when he’s dealing with a Shadow Knight who’s very likely to kill Aphmau, it’s Aphmau’s life over all. She is his Lord after all…but also, the love of his life. Of course he would pick saving her life over making sure Laurance gets out of the Nether alive. He barely even knew the man by this point. He had only just barely started to feel positively about him on a basic level, so of course he would choose to kill Laurance and single-handedly sabotage any chance of bringing him back in one piece, if it meant he could save Aphmau’s life instead.

…now, of course, the narrative kinda forgets this rule and it doesn’t really come up ever again, especially after Laurance’s return, but I still want to point this out as a view into a sort of…darker side of Garroth. For a man with supposedly such a big heart, he does seem to be able to drastically shut it off at a moments notice, if he’s been horrendously slighted in some way or another. Even if it comes at the expense of others lives. It’s cold as fuck of a choice, but it’s also very understandable that he wouldn’t want to welcome a sort of…murderous monster into his home and put the life of his Lord at such huge risk, possibly even his family and Phoenix Drop itself could have been endangered as well. Thats the mother of his child he’s protecting here, and all he knows is that Laurance is pretty guaranteed to try to kill her the second he comes back. They just barely tangoed with the damages of Zenix’s own attack on the village, he does not want to contend with that a second time.

I can’t help but imagine how Garroth and Aphmau might’ve argued and fought over what to do about Laurance.

Aphmau desperately wants to save Laurance and bring him back, despite the risk upon her own health and safety. Garroth, however, stops her, and holds her back. He’s terrified of Laurance hurting her now. Even if he is their friend, he’s not willing to sacrifice her to bring him back. They still care for each other, despite this conflict of interests. Aphmau’s care for Laurance pulls her to him, despite the danger, Garroth’s care for her holds her back, and Aphmau’s care for Garroth brings her to listen to him and continue to do nothing.

I don’t feel like Garroth is doing this to “keep Aphmau all to himself.” I think his love for her is most certainly influencing him to be more protective than usual, but I think the theory that he’s actively sabotaging Laurance’s return out of “jealous rivalry” was proven wrong by his reflex response at the start. Like, if Laurance had gotten stuck in the Wyvern dimension instead, Garroth would 1000% single-handedly fish him out and bring him back to stay at their side. Before Ungrth confirmed that he was being transformed into a bloodthirsty monster, he was desperate to rescue him. But now, he had to choose between Laurance’s life, or Aphmau’s, in bringing him back. He’s closer with Aphmau, he loves her dearly, he’s raising a child with her, a son who needs his mother, Phoenix Drop had just been attacked by another Shadow Knight already, an attack he feels horribly responsible for. So if he feels guilty for leading Phoenix Drop into ruin under Zenix, then he absolutely is going to try his damndest to prevent that from happening again. He will do everything in his power to amend his sins by keeping the village, and his Lord, perfectly safe.

And I think he’s probably even sad that Laurance is gone! “Laurance was a good man and a worthy guard, it’s a shame the order lost him. Ulrich and Luna of Meteli told me so many notable deeds Laurance has done for his people…” He wasn’t intimately close with the man at this point, but there’s a clear solemn respect that he holds for him now that he’s gone. He wishes that it hadn’t come to this, he wishes that Laurance was okay and that this never had to happen. He believes he’s honoring Laurance’s wishes by choosing to keep Aphmau safe, saying if it were him in Laurance’s shoes, he would have wanted him to do the same. This tells me he fully believes that if Garroth had gotten trapped in the Nether instead, and Laurance was left on the other side, he would fully expect Laurance to treat him the same way, to leave him abandoned in the Nether, to suffer the torture and trauma and pain alone.

…I don’t fully think Laurance would do the same, however. I feel like he would have been at least a handful more open to the idea of rescuing Garroth, especially since Laurance felt much more positively about Garroth as a friend than Garroth felt about Laurance.

Garroth and Aphmau make up when Zane arrives. He starts trying to force Garroth to reveal his identity as the Prince of O’khasis. Aphmau doesn’t know that he’s a Prince, however, she only knows that he feels uncomfortable with showing his face for reasons he refuses to talk about. When the High Priest of O’khasis himself demands she order him to take off his helmet, she defends Garroth’s boundaries and refuses.

And even when her hands are tied and he forces her to order him to do it anyway, she finds a loophole to make sure his boundaries stay protected.

This means A LOT to Garroth. Considering how vehemently Zane, his brother, is currently trying to break his boundaries (and the fact that he was forced into a marriage he didn't consent to), its likely that Garroth's family frequently refuse to give a shit about his boundaries or his consent or his opinion about what he does and does not do with his personhood, life, body, and appearance. So to have Aphmau, someone in charge who very much has the power to force him to do what he doesn't want to do, then turn around and respect him as a human being and care for his consent on a level no one's ever done for him before? It means a fuckin lot!!

they truly are the “he asked for no pickles!” couple of all time…… aphmau protecting Garroth as he protects her…… protective aphmau…… aphmau defending Garroth when he’s the one in need of a knight……

This means so much to him, that he decides to...go out in public for some reason?? Anyway?? Despite all that fuss?? And shows up at the reception to ask Aphmau to dance with him. Any strain over Laurance is mended, as they enjoy their night together and share a special moment.

They're starting to really drop their formal, professional behavior from earlier. They really are beginning to draw close to each other now, allowing themselves to joke around more often. Aphmau starts teasing him more, and he lightens up a lot. Aphmau’s own reactions have started to shift from neutral, professional, unbothered, breezing through the scenes without much of a reaction at all on the video cam, to now smiling and laughing along. She grows fond at the sight of him. A playful heart that’s often so buried under the professionalism of their jobs and the stress of their lives bleeds out in the brief moments where they can take a break from it all, in the moments of casual comfort they bring each other.

(also Garroth nearly asking if they could get married…… he tries a second time……)

I do want to note that Aphmau 100% supports Garroth’s decision to leave his throne behind. She doesn’t want Garroth to go back and fulfill his duties, she wants him to stay right here with her and leave the rest of the world behind. She needs him here with her, with their son, with the town that relies on him, as her guard, as her dear companion. This contrasts Laurance’s own opinion, who believes going back and returning to his old throne and marrying Nicole is not only the more honorable thing to do, but would likely get them out of this mess if he did.

He finds Garroth’s refusal to take the throne cowardly, and seems to resent him for it, at least on some minor level. If Garroth just tended to his responsibilities and stopped running away, he could single-handedly take over the threat of O’khasis as a whole and make the world a better place, and they wouldn’t need to suffer through any more violence and war and loss at the hands of Zane Ro’meave or the King. But it means more than that to Garroth. He’s terrified of taking any position of leadership. Partially because he’s just naturally better at being a follower than a leader, but mainly because he refuses to become his father. In episode 68 of S1, he admits that he used to look up to his father a lot, he wanted to grow up to be exactly like him. But then he turned cruel and corrupt with time, and Garroth’s feelings changed. If his father is abusive, it’s likely that he had some sort of realization of the truth about how horrible his father truly was. I do feel like it is NOT a coincidence that Garroth looks almost exactly like Garte and is named after him. It’s pretty much like if he named him, “Garte Jr.” It would make sense if Garroth’s chosen destiny was meant to revolve around continuing Garte’s legacy, taking his place when he’s gone, becoming the perfect King as his father wanted him to become, act and behave. Which is to say, a cruel and corrupt one. It’s easy to think that Garroth, as kind and soft and shy and good as he is, didn’t want anything to do with fulfilling that legacy. He had been running away from his father long before the marriage arrangement. When he was in his youth, he says he joined the Guard Academy specifically so he could get away from his father, saying “one day [he] had enough.” He runs away from the throne not because he’s a coward who doesn’t feel like being responsible—he’s incredibly responsible, when it comes to being a Head Guard—he runs away because he’s running away from his father.

It’s likely he’s running away from abuse. Or at least some sort of toxic, unhealthy, or potentially even abusive family dynamic, given how many examples we see of the Ro’meave being dysfunctional and cruel and uncaring, with Zane’s behavior, with Garte’s behavior, with Zianna feeling the need to cheat and confide in another man due to how bad her husband got, with Garroth running away from his family as far as he can get and literally going under cover just to avoid them. These are not the signs of a happy, functional family unit. These are the signs of trauma.

What doesn’t occur to Laurance is the extent of what he’s asking Garroth to do, by returning to his family and their legacy. To step up and become King. Laurance, the stubborn man who grew up with caring Hayden as a father, with a perfect loving sister, and however Joh was like as a dad, he only sees the potential Garroth has to become the wonderful, good Lord that fixes everything and undoes all the damage and brings peace to the world. He doesn’t see the darker truth that it means to Garroth, the scars that motivate him to hide himself so vehemently, all the time.

I wonder if Garroth would be more confident in himself if he grew up in a healthier family unit. Maybe that’s why Mystreet!Garroth behaves so differently (and was able to confess his love to Aphmau MUCH sooner). He carries this strong sense of guilt, of shame, of feeling like he’s always inadequate and always a failure who doesn’t deserve love or nice things and doesn’t quite know how to love yet. Insecurity that strong usually comes from somewhere, and I believe it came from Garroth’s upbringing/childhood/family/mainly his father. Especially since that level of shame and guilt isn’t anywhere NEAR as present in Mystreet!Garroth. There’s a point to be made about how he always hides his feelings, buries himself deep, and always assumes that it’s his fault when something goes wrong. Especially if part of his guilt stems from…not taking the throne. From refusing to become what his father, his family, wanted him to be, all because he couldn’t take it.

I feel like all of this does occur to Aphmau. And that’s one of the main reasons why she’s so empathetic with him, why she immediately takes his side and refuses to turn him over to Zane and insists that he stay here, with her, and run far away from that arranged marriage and his father. She’s protecting him. Here, he’s safe. Here, she can continue to love him and keep him close. She recognizes his family for the corrupt and fucked up unit that it is and refuses to let him subject himself to that suffering any more. She knows he doesn’t want to go back, doesn’t want to marry Nicole, and she stands by his boundaries and defends them, even with an entire army, even with her life and the lives of her people, if it means keeping him out of Zane’s grasp.

…But also… if he stays with her, and never accepts his arraigned marriage… it means he’s still up for grabs. He stays single… he stays with Aphmau. So if she wants to date him, if she wants to marry him sometime in the future, then she can. I do believe there is a romantic aspect to her refusal to accept the arraigned marriage. It doesn’t feel to me like she’s rejecting it purely only on principle, there’s surely some sort of intent behind making sure Garroth stays single lmao. (especially since this is the aphverse we’re talking about……)

No matter what he does or what horrendous faults he commits, she still clings on tight to him. She refuses to let him go.

Speaking of Laurance, guess who returns from the Nether!!! And Garroth has a turnaround!

I don’t know what happened to “Laurance needs to kill himself the second he touches overworld soil” but I’m happy to see it has immediately vanished from Garroth’s mind. He cares for Laurance, though “I’ll be watching just in case he turns” shows he still has that sense of caution when handling SK!Laurance. He wants to take care of him and make sure he’s okay, and he pities what he’s been through. Saving Aphmau’s life did a lot to improve his trust + opinion of the man.

Laurance hugely confides in Aphmau once he’s returned. But before I get to that, I want to unpack this confession.

Laurance refuses to pressure Aphmau into a relationship. Neither of them are ready for one, and he’s certainly not at a place mentally or physically where he could handle being someone’s boyfriend. He tells her this not to get anything out of it, but because he knows he lives on a timer, and he doesn’t know when it’s gonna run out. He doesn’t know if or when he’s going to hurt her and lose control, so he wants her to know that he loves her. As some sort of parting words before the storm begins, but also likely as reassurance for like…”hey, if I turn and try to kill you later, just know that’s not actually me and I don’t want to hurt you!” He’s also pretty chill about her rejecting him.

That rejection.

See, this is where my job gets hard. As the POV YouTuber roleplaying in a minecraft server, it’s harder to see into Aphmau’s head than it is to see into the NPCs. She’s sort of a…vessel, at times, and other characters often try to decide what Aphmau thinks or feels. There’s a lot of people in the cast claiming that Aphmau has romantic feelings for Laurance and Garroth, but that’s their opinion, and if you remove all the outside pressure and actually look at what subtle, minute actions and reactions Aphmau has, it is very different from what everyone else keeps presuming about her. It’s fascinating how everyone else in the cast just kind of…assumes Aphmau’s feelings for her and tells her how she feels, all the time, while Aphmau herself is a lot more reserved and subtle and harder to read. Laurance states a factual detail here though, she supposedly clenched her grip on his hand when he confessed.

…in real life, this kind of physical reflex would mean jack shit. My hands would be fuckin’ tensing up too if someone I wasn’t attracted to suddenly dropped a love confession on my ass. My hands would tense up if the love of my life confessed to me. My hands would tense up if they said they didn’t care about me. My hands would tense up if the love of my life said there’s a goddamn ice cream truck around the corner and we should go get that sweet sweet creamy sugar substance right tf now. I don’t care. This means nothing. If we’re gonna talk noticing physical details that imply someone is experiencing attraction, Garroth would surely mention something about Aphmau blushing bright red, or Aphmau’s own dialogue options would specify that she starts to blush, as they end up often doing later on. This is bullshit.

So I’m inclined to believe that Laurance is full of shit. But as a writer, I also know what it’s like to use characters dropping facts like this as some sort of way to directly communicate to the audience that they’re dropping an important truth bomb and that another character is lying. So I don’t know for sure. Personally, if we’re going off of Aphmau’s reactions and development up to this point, I’m inclined to believe that she’s telling the truth when she says she’s not interested in him romantically (as per usual) and Laurance is just being the same little shit he always is. But MCD!Aphmau also seems to be the type to lie about her feelings and push them away if she was pushed against some sort of wall and pressured to choose in the moment. So take it as you will, I guess.

Nonetheless, she appreciates the honesty. This hasn’t ruined whatever fondness she feels for Laurance. But additionally, she appreciates the honesty, coming from Casanova Laurance. The man who puts up a mask and fakes being a flirt. If she knows that all the previous times Laurance flirted with her was him blowing smoke and pretending to be something he’s not, then she knows that this confession was as real and true as they come. This is Laurance finally dropping that mask completely and being nothing but his full, vulnerable, genuine self for her, and there’s this potent fondness shared between the two of them for it. That raw intimacy, he shows her what he’s really like underneath, and she says, “I appreciate the honesty.” She appreciates the true Laurance. She cares, deeply, for the real Laurance, and is happy to meet him. “Please do this again,” she communicates to him, “I don’t want my rejection to dissuade you from thinking I still care about you, because I do. You mean so much to me already, and I want to see more of the real you. I appreciate you, I’m happy you’re back. Stay by my side.”

They’re so soft I’m gonna die. I’m gonna SCREAM—

Aphmau immediately turns around and starts teasing Garroth. Lmao look at this loser you guys.

…do you think this means she knows he has feelings for her. do you think this means she has feelings for him. Either way, I love to see her fluster Garroth by being bold and ballsy with her taunting. When she’s comfortable with someone, MCD!Aphmau really can be a flirt at times. ((btw this definitely absolutely counts as a flirt. like this is the kind of shit I would pull on my own crush. girlie you are not fooling anyone))

These two are fucking hilarious. Aphmau like “…what if we ‘pretended’ we were dating……… what if you called me your girlfriend and gave me kisses and called me honeybear in public ……… what if we hooked up but it was all for the joke hahahaha…… purely only for business!!! because all that matters to me is making sure my job of saving the town and my people and my loved ones is fulfilled!!! and that includes saving your life rn hahaha!!! do you think it would save your life if you kissed me” girl. girl come on. at this point you are actively looking for an excuse to allow yourself this. I just love so much that she’s the one who suggested it and came up with the idea in the first place (why were u thinking of pretending to be his girlfriend honey… that’s suspish…), and Garroth immediately turns very visibly flustered and refuses, insisting he could never force her to do such a thing for his sake. Of course Garroth Ro’meave would never ever ever ever come up with the idea of forcing someone else into a romantic relationship they didn’t want to be in, that’s so on brand for you. Of course it would never occur to you to envision a hypothetical scenario where you possibly had an excuse to be romancey with your crush. Loser. Nerd. Doofus. Dork. Dweeb. I want to squeeze his tiny body in my hands and make him squeak repeatedly

The idea that Aphmau searches for an excuse to allow herself a love life the moment it becomes relevant to her “job” because she feels like work is all she’s allowed to focus on… girl……… you have got to allow yourself to live a little I stg

Behold, the beginning of Laurance and Aphmau’s playful back-and-forth teasing banter!!! One of the best and funniest parts of their dynamic. Once Aphmau forms a genuine bond with Laurance giving his life for her and revealing his true self to her from that point onwards (because he’s too fuckin traumatized and depressed to keep up the mask as much as he did before, and Aphmau means way too much to him now to not be sincere and vulnerable with her), she switches how she responds to his flirting and his dialogue, and starts teasing him back. They become much more light-hearted, and in the same way Laurance loves to make Aphmau laugh, it’s heartwarming to see her return the same sentiment for him, making him crack a smile while he’s at his worst. She brightens his day, every way she can. She’s so proud of him. She’s seen how he’s changing, and she’s so, so proud. She sees him smile again, and it makes her so happy to see. She’s so proud of him every moment he smiles and laughs and looks towards something better. She takes his hand!! She holds his hand and happily offers to guide him through!! She convinces him to get back on his feet and go to a party!! AUUGHHH !!!!!! He means so much to her now. Maybe she’s trying to do everything she can to repay the favor of the immeasurable gift he gave her, maybe she’s incredibly grateful for his sacrifice and wants him, the real Laurance, to know that he’s safe here, with her, and he always will be. She was desperate to get him back, and now that she has him, she’s going to do everything in her power to make sure he feels appreciated and happy and safe and cared for. She’s not just tolerating a weird stranger anymore—thats her new best friend.

They’re so goddamn adorable. They turned into something so wholesome. I love them you guys.

Also, remember that I said I would go until I hit either the character limit or the image limit? I’ve hit the image limit now. We’re making this analysis journey a multi-parter. I’ll link the next part here at the bottom of the post (and likely at the top as well) once it’s uploaded! I could and I can and I will gush about these losers all day and night long. See you in part two!

[conundrumoftime]

Fandom grandma tales: how I survived canon ruining two of the ships I liked.

(Written after a discussion with some of my TROP fan pals about how canon can break your heart re: shipping, and how fandom manages. There are spoilers here for the entire run of Babylon 5, and for one story JMS wrote after it. yes, that story. sorry.)

Babylon 5 was a sci-fi space opera show that ran from 1993 to 1998. It is sci-fi of the era of 22-episode seasons, of huge ensemble casts with characters who get their own B- and C-plots, with an effects and casting budget that doesn’t always match its ambition, and - something it was quite pioneering in, at the time - grand pre-planned story arcs. 

It’s the first fandom that I was involved with in internet spaces as it was running, or at least when its final season was (there’s Discourse and drama from earlier years that I missed). Its showrunner, J. Michael Straczynski - ‘JMS’ - was very active in (non-fanfic) fan community spaces, and you always knew exactly what he was thinking about things because he was part of the discussion around them. There was also fanfic, which he didn’t stop but didn’t go near on the grounds of legal liability for story ideas. 

Most of the fanfic in the early days as the show was airing was focused around two big ships, of which one was canon endgame (Delenn/Sheridan) and one was canon all-ends-in-despair (Marcus/Ivanova). I, as a teenager discovering a developing online fandom for the first time with all the overwhelm and excitement that causes (ask me anything about what reading fic was like before the days of tags/ratings/warnings!) got into Marcus/Ivanova and also into one of the minor ships, Delenn/Lennier.

Delenn/Lennier was never, ever going to happen in canon. This is obvious; it clashes with Delenn/Sheridan which was JMS’s baby darling OTP, the show’s big love story. Delenn is married for the later part of the show. Lennier is her diplomatic aide, is absolutely devoted to her, and they have a very intense mentor/student relationship, which it seems is kind of standard in their culture (when Delenn’s own mentor died she went briefly insane with grief and started a genocidal war over it) but is still Very Intense. He is canonically in love with her, but that’s as far as the explicit canon statements go.

However. HowEVER. Canon also gives us, for that relationship, some wonderful ship fuel. Lennier knows about every bad thing Delenn has done, including all the stuff she doesn’t/can’t tell her husband. He’s her link to her previous world and culture and stands by her even when they kick her out. She says at one point, “without him, I would stumble and fall and never get up again.” 

And then… we had Season 5, the final season.

Season 5, for various complicated production reasons, was operating a little outside of pre-planned story arcs and in this season the Delenn/Lennier stuff ramped up about three gears in one go. It was still very obviously never, ever going to be canon, and was almost certainly not intended by the creator (who wrote most of the episodes himself) to look like there was even anything there. At this point Delenn is married; any relationship with her aide would not only be going against the show’s OTP, but going against it in the sense where she’s cheating on her husband, and there is Just No Way JMS would have gone there. And yet! Season 5 gave us:

A scene where Lennier says he can’t stay, it’s too painful to be around her now she’s married, and she’s devastated and has the following conversation with her husband about it:

S: I got your message about Lennier. Is there anything I can do?

D [snapping]: Almost certainly not.

S: Is it because of me?

D: In part, I think so.

S: Yeah, I was afraid of that. Well, as we say back on Earth, three’s a crowd.

D: On Minbar, three is sacred.

S [slightly uncomfortable laugh]: Well, I don’t think I’m ready to handle that one, Delenn.

Delenn then calling Lennier back to the station to do some secret mission thing for her, which involves her sneaking out of her bed while her husband sleeps to meet Lennier in a darkened alley behind a bar, where she tenderly strokes his face and they have a whole conversation about whether her husband understands her or not.

A scene where Lennier comes back from his secret mission to meet both Delenn and Sheridan, Delenn goes to greet him with a hug, and Lennier does this very pointed step back and nod in the direction of her husband, and she pulls back and just sort of pats him on the arms instead. 

I MEAN.

But, the issue here is not what fans did about it but what canon did about it. Canon did the canon equivalent of dragging that ship outside and shooting it in the head. 

In the final few episodes of the entire series, Lennier tries to kill Sheridan, runs away in shame, and then someone finds his diary in which he’d been writing for ages about what a bad decision he thought Delenn had made and how her whole marriage was an awful idea. Even to this day, it’s fun/awful watching people go through a first-time watch when they get to season 5 and hit that. ‘Character assassination in the form of a diary’ was a whole thing for a while. It’s been 20+ years and the actor who played Lennier is stilll mad about it (not because of shippy stuff, but because he - correctly! - thinks Lennier absolutely would not have done that). 

What *fandom* did, on the other hand, was Fixed The Problem.

Delenn/Lennier was not at all a big ship when the series was airing, and for a few years after. Then the fandom dynamics started to change. With less pressure on what canon was going to do, it felt like fandom had more space to play around with things it didn’t do. Fanfic got less interested in trying to fit within the overall story being told and started spinning off in all its own directions. And *this* ship started getting bigger and bigger. People did really interesting things with it, canon divergence went in all directions, everyone wrote a fix-it story of some variety, some authors did a great series of connected stories based on an idea that Minbari have three genders, the quality of the writing has been brilliant. And I think without that absolute whiplash feeling of what happened in canon, there would never have been this feeling of “well I’m not having THAT” which led to all this.

We did not need canon! Canon had done its thing. And canon had broken our hearts enough ways with many of the other stories it told (entirely on purpose) and we weren’t just going to sit back and let it ruin us forever.

By comparison, the other ship I was into was Marcus/Ivanova. This is entirely doomed. Susan Ivanova’s love life is just perpetually doomed. The first partner of hers we meet is an ex who’s interested in getting back together, but then it turns out he’s just using her to infiltrate the station for the fascist terrorist group he’s secretly joined. Then she falls for an archrival of hers, Talia, who works for Psi Corps, the organisation she loathes most of all things - but it’s okay because it turns out Talia is starting to question them too! Maybe these crazy kids can make it work! They have one night together and then OOPS turns out Talia was being secretly controlled by a sleeper personality implanted in her by Psi Corps the whole time. Ivanova’s love life is doomed. 

So for two seasons, she has this sort-of-flirty, sort-of-bickery, sort-of-friendship going with Marcus, who is on the surface of it very much “why not fall in love at first sight like a true romantic, YOLO!” but it turns out is actually deeply messed up himself and full of survivor’s guilt and pain and, you get the clear impression, would have died of shock if she’d actually called his bluff on the OTT flirting and said “yeah, let’s go for it”. And then he sacrifices himself to save her life. It is a very tragic ending, it is absolutely the way he would have wanted to go, she wakes up both furious and absolutely distraught, says that the last thing she heard was him saying “I love you”, says she wishes she’d at least slept with him once, and says that in a way all love is unrequited. PAIN. 

So, lots of fix-it fanfic, lots of ‘Marcus comes back to life’, lots of canon divergence AUs where he doesn’t die and they live happily ever after and both get over their huge levels of unresolved pain. Pretty standard for that kind of pairing. And as a pairing it doesn’t get in the way of any big canon pairings, it doesn’t imply anything icky like mentor/student power imbalances or adultery. And JMS clearly quite liked it. So that’s better, right?

NO. It was WORSE.

JMS wrote an Marcus/Ivanova story himself, published in one of the sci-fi magazines, to try to give them a happy ending. This happy ending involves Marcus, many many years in the future, waking up from the cryogenic suspension he’s in (it’s sci-fi, keep up, keep up). Ivanova is long dead, but he isn’t about to let this get in the way, so what he does is to *create a new Ivanova* by getting some kind of DNA + computerised memory/personality bank thing, finding a doctor who will clone her, putting himself back into animated sleep until the clone reaches the age Ivanova was when she died, then - THEN, I’M STILL GOING - takes her to a distant planet where, with her memories wiped and their spaceship having deliberately been crashed BY HIM so there’s no way back, they live out their lives in peace.

WHAT.

That pairing still does okay in fandom but it’s not really taken on a post-show world of headcanons and riffing on other people’s ideas and tropes in the way that Delenn/Lennier has (and we all just pretend that story never existed). 

So! This has been my experiences in the field of What We Do When The Show Has Thoughts On That Non-Endgame Ship We’re Into. Fandom manages. Fandom will see you through. And in the words of Susan Ivanova:

Babylon Five was the last of the Babylon stations; there would never be another. It changed the future, and it changed us. It taught us that we have to create the future, or others will do it for us. It showed us that we have to care for one another, for if we don’t, who will? And that true strength sometimes comes from the most unlikely places. Mostly though, I think it gave us hope that there can always be new beginnings - even for people like us.

[xjulixred45x]

I see a lot of Kusakabe talk lately. Can I please ask for General relationship HCs for our resident lazy sorcerer <3

FINNALLY SOME NEW CHARACTERS!!! I don't like Kusabake that much, but Def His memes makes me laugh so considerate it done. Thanks for the Request❤️

Atsuya Kusakabe General Dating Headcanons

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: neutral

Warnings: typical canon violence, some spoilers of the manga.

Okay, for starters, YOU CANT TELL ME THAT HIS S/O IS NOT ONE OF THE REASONS THIS MAN VALUES HIS LIVE SO MUCH!

We all know that Kusakabe, although he is quite strong, does not really want to risk dying and prefers tasks that do not endanger his life, such as evacuating civilians and facing minor curses.

partly because he appreciates his life...and partly because I don't think he wants to cause pain to the few people he loves (reader included).

He wants to LIVE HIS LIFE with his s/o, he doesn't want to die prematurely and leave them alone!

I firmly believe that if he had a partner they would probably be a civilian, because 1- then he wouldn't have to worry about them dying because of sorcery work and 2- he can finally have some normality and peace of mind.

TELL ME THIS MAN IS NOT LOOKING FOR TRANQUILITY WHEN HE IS THE TEACHER OF A GROUP OF SUPER POWERFUL CHILDREN. OF WHICH *TOUDO* HIMSELF IS A PART

I imagine him in part as a boyfriend-father, who, although he is usually quite serious, usually shows that he cares in other ways, such as asking if you have eaten, buying food if you haven't, going for a walk to clear your head if you feel overwhelmed. . that kind of things.

As I said before, he is someone who appreciates tranquility a lot compared to his rather hectic life, so I think he would meet his s/o somewhere where he often lives as a civilian, perhaps (similar to Nanami with the girl at the bread) from some place where he goes to eat after his missions.

You could say that seeing his s/o gives him a hit of dopamine.

THERE IS DEFINITELY NO WAY HE'LL LET HIS STUDENTS KNOW ABOUT HIS S/O. he wants to save himself from Miwa's constant teasing and questions.

although maybe after a while (and only to Miwa) he will show ONE (1) photo and brag a little about them.

There is also a possibility that he ends up talking a little about his s/o to Panda in Shibuya, just to calm down and not be so stressed, you could say that is the effect it has on him.

I can see him as a protective boyfriend, more than anything because just as he appreciates his life a lot, he appreciates his s/o's A LOT MORE, and will give him priority over that of others (he thinks it's appropriate, they are civilians after all).

There's not much chance that he'll end up running into his s/o during a mission, but that can either automatically lower his stress level considerably or raise it to unimaginable levels.

If it were a normal mission, it is most likely the first case, since there he can simply greet his s/o and have them go somewhere else for "safety issues" and be reassured that they are away from danger. even if it is a lesser grade curse.

Now, if his s/o were involved in a mission like SHIBUYA he's definitely losing his shit trying to protect them. and he is escorting them all the time with Panda to wherever it is safe and far from danger.

He grows green gray hair, as we say in my country.

It doesn't mean he's against his s/o going to see him at work! Quite the opposite, but he prefers that they go see him when he is a teacher.

I think he would especially like it if his s/o brings him food (whether made by them or bought) or something like that (more cigarettes/candy) and he is very grateful.

Although he doesn't like to share his love life with his students, he is DEFINITELY bragging to his workmates about how he DOES HAVE TIME for good things and that he doesn't regret anything >:)

He's like "that's what happens to you for not doing things the easy way, not like me, I even have an INCREDIBLE and very pretty partner😎" he's shameless.

I would say that his main language of affection would be compliments in a certain way, he knows what to say to get his way in situations where it is required, but with his partner that translates to what he knows what to say to cheer them up or make their day better. .

apart from the fact that he is much more attentive than one would think due to his vague nature.

He remembers his partner's main dislikes well, although he sometimes uses that against them to joke with them (for example, if they don't like bugs, he will chase them with a spider around the house) but he never takes it too far. It's just a little fun between the two.

Apart from that he knows very well when his partner really likes something or if he only says he likes it so as not to hurt his feelings, which is nice, but he prefers sincerity in those types of aspects.

very direct.

Let's say that just as he greatly appreciates his life and KNOWS that he could die at any moment, he doesn't want to waste time, so he is going to be as direct as possible with his s/o if what he wants is something lasting or something temporary, he will do it. which is very good for the relationship honestly.

I think his Achilles heel with the relationship would be PDA, I mean, he doesn't mind things like holding hands or kissing in public, but I don't think he does much more or at least with people around.

low key his s/o will be the one who initiates physical contact at the beginning.

The dates are usually either somewhere preferred by both (anywhere where salmon eyes don't work, please) or right at home watching ridiculous movies to disconnect a little from reality.

or even just be silent for a while with your s/o, at PEACE and let things flow in your head, this is what you do more than anything on a particularly bad day at work.

Sometimes he blurts out sudden thoughts about thoughts he's keeping from work to his partner, it's completely unintentional, but it helps him open up more honestly to his partner.

He's generally pretty open about almost everything, EXCEPT his job, so his s/o has to appreciate those kinds of moments of vulnerability.

As for issues of, for example, settling down, I think he wouldn't be against it at all.

His job already causes him enough stress, it is not unreasonable to think that one day he would like to retire and function alone as a teacher or some other common job (anything seems like baby play compared to cursing).

Along with that, I can see him in this case proposing to his s/o, wanting them to be in his life permanently and "officially" so to speak.

As for the children...I don't think he would want in the first place. He just doesn't see anyone he likes (he can barely stand his own students, my God), so he could be fine with an s/o who has that same opinion.

Did you see that Kusakabe has a sister named Usami? the one who was devastated by the death of her son so they gave her something similar to Panda.

I imagine that Kusakabe would take VERY much into account if his sister likes his s/o to continue the relationship, Usami is one of the few people he cares about and believes that it is appropriate to have her approval.

Can you imagine if Kusakabe had met his partner through his sister? That would be nice

Probably his s/o is also one of the few people with whom he confides secrets like about his sister's son, I don't think he reveals important things about work, but he definitely lets his s/o know that it is for the greater good and especially for their safety.

I saw on the wiki that apparently he likes fishing, it would probably be a hobby that he normally likes to do alone, but if his s/o shows interest, he will try to teach them the basics in a decent way and have them form their own opinion about it.

He secretly hopes that they like it, but no pressure.

Kusakabe wants them to share the hobby because they both like it after all, he doesn't see the point in it being just to spend time together if they don't enjoy it :/

Now, going to the elephant in the room, a s/o sorcerer or part of the academy.

It would be more useful in the aspect of seeing each other often, since they would constantly see if their s/o is a teacher in Kyoto as well.

They could even do joint classes to teach their students an ear of tricks (and that way he doesn't have to give it all alone). ironically the students would respect the s/o more than their normal sensei.

Even if the s/o was from Tokyo, it's not that there would be a serious problem in seeing each other, they send him on missions nearby often, so they could take advantage and see each other after finishing work or better yet, go on missions together.

The problem would be that his more protective side comes to light, which is not necessarily bad, but it can be somewhat annoying.

always puts the s/o behind or does the work before the s/o can do his part, especially if it is a mid-grade curse.

which can be irritating because HELLO, they are of the SAME RANK, they are supposed to be able to do the same things.

Kusakabe should learn to stop being so scared when his sorcerer s/o goes on a mission with him and let them do their job.

Even if we're honest, after that phase, they make a good combo, especially if your s/o encourages you to get out of your comfort zone and not be so lazy.

It would be like the dynamics of "no energy" and "a lot of energy" in short.

He finds it adorable that they believe in him so much, but at the same time he thinks they should be less naïve before the world of Jujustu swallows them alive.

He still liked the idea of settling down, but in this situation it will have to be his s/o who takes the first step. It's a feeling.

In general, if you are one of the few people this man cares about, rest assured that he will not take your affection or your company for granted. He will appreciate it as much as he can and APPRECIATE you as much as he can.

He just wants to live another day. hopefully with you.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Thanks for the Request ❤️

[olympeline]

@endlesscolddreams and @liemurienn dropped some really good replies on my USUK vs. FrUK post and it’s made me think about the differences between both pairings and why they might attract their respective fans the way they do.

Let’s begin with USUK, which nearly from series start has more canon on its side. Or rather it has more “serious” moments. Hetalia is a gag show at heart and its non-jokey parts are few and far between, ship tease included. The first gut punch most fans will encounter is Alfred and Arthur’s battle during the American War for Independence. That will definitely stick with a lot of people if for no other reason than it’s so unexpected. The funny, silly anime about pasta and gag war abruptly pivots to a main character sobbing his heart out in the rain while another looks on, stony faced, with no joke at all. This can’t not leave an impression. Even fans who loathe Alfred never try to pretend his effect on Arthur isn’t huge. Then the series carries on teasing the things left unsaid between them in both serious and silly shapshots. With all this is mind, it’s not hard to see why USUK became the big, swinging dick of Hetalia’s ships. Aside from the borderline canon Gerita, nothing else really has the weight behind it I think.

This definitely makes it what I would call an “easy” ship to get into. That sounds bad because fandoms can be very judgey about pairings they find to be basic. Just like everything else in the arts, there’s a perception among some people that if something is popular then it must be dumber/less deep/worse. Pure elitism basically. And it’s bollocks. Just because something is popular with the masses doesn’t make it worse. It just means it’s popular. Plenty of people hate USUK for the perfecly legitimate reason that it just doesn’t gel with them. But there’s always been a minority undercurrent of “I hate this just because it’s the fandom’s most visible ship!” Seen this happen a million times with other communities over the years.

USUK also has the almost universally beloved tropes of Happy, Gregarious, Extroverted one loves Moody, Gloomy, Introverted one. Who loves him back but can’t say it because tsundere. FrUK on the other hand is more subtle. It has Slowburn, Rivals/Enemies to Lovers as its bread and butter. These tropes are well loved but there’s no big, attention grabbing dramatic moment early on that makes use of and cements the FrUK interpretation of them in the minds of fans. Francis and Arthur share a lot of screentime but it’s all jokey and fun. Even the ship tease is all gags relating to Francis being comically pervy and Arthur being comically stuffy and flustered. Francis gets some heart rending moments later (Joan of Arc, the wish for a mortal life) but Arthur isn’t included. Even though he could have been because of what happened to Joan. It’s left up to the fans to add him. In another universe the Closet Cleaning arc was replaced by a Bitter Hundred Years War arc, and FrUK subsequently took the top spot in the fandom’s ship rankings as a result.

Leaving plain, old personal taste aside, I think all this divided the fandom between shippers who wanted something they could leap into and get early gratification (USUK) vs shippers who wanted to expend a little more energy on interpretation (FrUK). Because there’s plenty of drama to be had with Francis and Arthur thanks to the French/English historical rivalry (see above). But it’s not offered up on a plate in canon like with Arthur and Alfred. A USUK shipper gets drama given to them while a FrUK shipper has to dig deeper and make their own fun. Different strokes.

This kind of thing is very interesting to me. Please feel free to add on your own interpretations if you like ☺️

[tgm-all4one]

On May 27, 2022, Top Gun: Maverick was released exclusively into theaters. Almost overnight, it became a cultural phenomenon with a fandom of individuals from all over the globe who loved the movie and its characters.

One of the fantastic things about the TG and TGM fandom is the diverse and innovative creators who have used these movies as inspiration for their art. Whether that be in the form of writing, fanart, GIFs, moodboards, edits, etc, we have all taken the same 4 hours and 1 minute of film to create unbelievably varied and original content. And that is what this challenge is about.

What is the "It's not the prompt. It's the creator." challenge?

The idea behind the "It's not the prompt. It's the creator." challenge is to show that even though we might all use similar tropes or AUs, or create GIFs of the same scenes, or use the same moodboard themes, it is our own personal creativity, innovation, and preferences that make our work unique.

So unlike other challenges, everyone will be using the exact same prompt. That's it. One prompt. And an unlimited amount of participants.

And yes, there will probably be art that is similar (either the tropes, themes, characters, etc), however the point is to show that even when two creators have similar independent ideas, their final creation is unique because they put their own original spin on it that only they could do.

What is the prompt?

To celebrate the one-year anniversary of Top Gun: Maverick being released, the prompt is:

"Last summer was one no one could ever forget. Now, a year later, character(s) still feel(s) the effects of that time."

Be as creative as you want and feel free to use any characters from Top Gun (1986) and/or Top Gun: Maverick (2022). Also, while the prompt says a year has passed, there is no set time your art has to be set. It can be pre-canon, post-canon, during-canon, and AU setting, etc. Whatever inspires you!

What is allowed?

Whatever you want. It can be SFW, NSFW, slash, reader insert, OC, no relationship, poly, AU, fluff, smut, angst, whump, etc.

You can also use whatever your preferred medium is to fill the prompt. Writing, artworks, GIF sets, edits, moodboards, playlists, Pinterest boards, etc. Or think out of the box and build a scene out of Legos, make a stop-motion video, draw a flipbook. Whatever inspires you and your creativity! If you created it, it counts.

And there are no minimums or maximums limits for words, time, number of GIFs, etc. Just however much or little you want to share, even if it is still a WIP.

There are only three requirements:

TAG YOUR WORK APPROPRIATELY so others can filter out what they might not be comfortable with. Each post will be checked before being reblogged, however, mistakes can be made so please tag them correctly.

You must be 18+ to participate. Due to the freedom of the event and the fact NSFW content is allowed, only those 18 or older may participate. And if your blog does not have any age indicated on it (18+, 20s, over 21, 35, etc.), your post will not be reblogged. I am very sorry to any minors hoping to participate at this time.

No AI resources can be used as part of a submission. While AI can create cool works of art, they aren't your works of art. As that is the point of this challenge, it will not be permitted.

When does the event take place?

The event will start on Saturday, May 27 and run until Saturday, June 4. However, if you can't finish in time and post after that, this blog will try its best to still reblog your work whenever you feel ready to post.

How do we submit our work?

You can do this one of two ways:

Post your work on your blog as usual and tag @tgm-all4one. Also, tag the post with #tgm all4one. It will then be reblogged here throughout the week.

Submit a post to this blog using the "Submit your papers" button in the blog header. As long as it is tagged correctly, the blog will then post it throughout the week.

There is also an AO3 collection if you prefer to share over there. Please check the FAQ page for the link.

Please check out the FAQ page if you have any questions and please feel free to reach out either through an ask or DM if you have any questions! There is also a condensed version of this post here for quick reference.

I am excited to see what everyone comes up with and happy Top Gun: Maverick anniversary!

[princess-of-the-corner]

SKETCH THE TEETH

TEETH TEETH TEETH TEETH

Yes this was done lazily but fuck it it's cold my hands are a bit stiff I need better compression gloves

ANYWAY NOTES

1.) Quirkless

Yeah I mentioned switching the toe thing for teeth and BOY

Very 'normal' to us teeth.

Ex: All Might, Melissa, Aoyama

2,) Baseline Quirk

Anyone who has a Quirk but their Quirk doesn't effect their teeth will have fangs of some kind. Canines are noticeably larger than Quirkless.

Ex: Like 80% of the cast tbh

3.) Big

Canines are even larger than baseline. Most Mutation Quirks will have this. The trait can be passed down to children who seem to have Emitter or Transformation Quirks, either as a sign of minor mutation(often accompanied by other inherited traits) and/or a sign of dormant genetics

While the first two categories are able to hide in the mouth, this set will have the larger canines poking out a little unless they actively hide them.

Ex: Most Mutation Quirks, 5/6 of the Todorokis, Himiko

4.) Kiri!

I had to add Kiri's teeth. Technically also Tetsutetsu's but I didn't write him because it's early af for me.

All teeth are sharp! Likely from a mutation, especially as I'm adding more shark-esque qualities in regrowth ability.

While all teeth are sharp, most aren't bigger than normal. Their canines are in similar size to the 'Big' category though, and will stick out

There's probably other characters with this teeth type out there but fuck it not dealing with that now

5.) Vlad King

Had to add him because I have NOT given him as much attention as I'd like to tbh. But he canonically has big lower canines and I love that!

Which yes those teeth stick out even when his mouth is closed!

Notes:

Due to the differences in teeth, it's harder to nail down the fact that Quirkless people don't have fangs. Plenty of people have Quirks that influence their teeth and throw off data of 'are the 'baseline' genuinely 'baseline' or just a common mutation? Not to mention someone could have a Quirk that takes away their fangs. Or hell they don't have any kind of teeth they have some weird snoot or beak or just goo.

Add in the confusion on Quirks. All Might is someone who has no fangs, but seems to have a Quirk as far as the public knows. Same with Aoyama. On the flipside, Izuku has the baseline Quirked Fangs, but has been labeled as 'Quirkless' until recently. And there's likely more people like him who have some hard-to-notice Quirk and are mislabeled as 'Quirkless'.

So while it's a rule within my writing, in-universe it's speculated on but not confirmed.

note:

This is also something I'm using in my main Crossoververse in regards to Magic. No Magic or Dormant = Quirkless teeth. Most Magic users have the Baseline Quirk. Some creatures like Vampires, Dragons, etc. will have the Big ones. All pointy or lower canines are also options.

[pjunicornart]

Papercut (Reclaimed)

I've decided to reclaim Papercut for the fandom! Here's the explanation.

Papercut (a Fell variant of Paperjam) was originally created by the person who created PJ's Daycare and NaJ. I'm not name dropping them because... I just don't want to. Anyway, the creator (if you know you know) is not a great person. I believe fandoms can reclaim characters from people who were less than role models. Now, a QnA under a cut:

Doesn't Paperjam already have a Fell variant? Yes. They already have a canon Fell and Swap variant if I'm remembering correctly. That being said, this is what I propose for Papercut: He's a completely original variant away from the Fell labeling. He's from a universe where he was named Papercut instead of Paperjam. Outside influences made him edgy instead of it just being his nature.

What did you change about Cut's design? For starters, I made his design less "rule of cool" and more practical. Admittedly some of the AU Sans designs I think are bad because they follow too heavily on the rule of cool. His outfit ties into his new story. Plus, if I'm going to draw him again, I want his design to be simple. Second, I desaturated the color palette, except for around his face. I kept the "hairstyle" Cut had, because I think it makes him stand out compared to other Sanses.

What's his lore? Currently I'm going for a troubled teen angle. Gets mixed up with the wrong crowds, been in and out of juvie, that type of thing. He's clearly hurting, but his environment and home life make it worse and hard for him to stabilize his life. Speaking of his home life, Ink and Error are NOT his parents... creators... people. They don't even exist in this AU. Instead, his parents are two completely different people who will NOT be classified as Sanses. These two people are one of the many reasons for Cut's rebellious persona.

What are some specific details about Cut? He's 17, a cis boy (amab), and pronouns he/him. Because he's been suspended and put into juvie a lot, his formal education is lacking. He can read and write just fine, but he won't be able to answer questions about history or sex ed. If his parents cared, they'd realize he needs serious help in this regard. But they only care about themselves and making sure he's out of the way. He's been arrested for minor crimes - Theft, vandalism, and misdemeanors. His vandalism is graffiti, of which he is quite skilled. His graffiti includes the usual stuff (tagging and such), but also political and artistic pieces. He thinks he's only into girls.

Does he have any powers? Yes, but he's not especially powerful or skilled with them. He can control paint fairly well since graffiti art has given him practice with it. He got this power from his mom. His other natural born ability is a blade only he can summon. This is something he inherited from his dad's side of the family. All the men on this side have their own unique blades. His is a dagger with a serrated blade for a ripping flesh effect. As for learned abilities: Teleportation (short distances), Healing (can't heal major wounds, but he can heal a bruise), and various stat boosters (attack, defense, and speed - minor changes). He's not particularly powerful because he hasn't taken the time to learn his abilities.

Will his story have anything to do with The Playground? We'll see. His story is still in the early stages of being fleshed out, so things are definitely subject to change. However, if he were to be in The Playground, he would become Playjam's third little brother.

Since he's technically not a Fell variant, could he be put into RNaJ? Yeah, he definitely could! He'd probably skip class and hang out alone. Maybe smoke a joint or two. Very confrontational and rude at first, but if you tolerated him enough he might open up a little. His vulnerability will be layered under tons of jokes, though.

Outfits, roleplay, and fan stuff? Outfits: I don't have any more at the moment, but if you wanna design some, be my guest. Roleplay: I'm down to roleplay as him, but you can also rp as him if you wish. I'm not gonna police you about it. Fan stuff: Everything is pretty loosey-goosey right now, sooo... go nuts.

Any more questions I didn't address can be sent to my ask box!