#but it’s gone along with my old blog! such sad

[fromkenari]

@alliwantforchristmasislou

I don't talk about my identity a lot because I live in a town in the 2/3rds of the state that is red despite it being a blue state. I'm not accepted, nor is it really safe for me open about it beyond my friends, and the sad thing is I have only one other friend in this town with the same pronouns as me and my friends, all of whom are queer positive and a bunch of whom are queer themselves don't use the correct pronouns for my other friend who uses them or me because well, you know, transphobia but they claim it's because using "they" in a singular sense is just too awkward for them to do that for my one other friend who uses they/them and me. And I could talk about the suicide rate of non-cis kids in this town, but this is a positive post, right? It's why the Trevor Project is so important.

So anyway. Tumblr, Discord, and the internet, in general, have been the only hardline I have to a diverse queer network. I've been on this site since sometime in early 2009, and you know, before that, I was on Livejournal, and before that, I was on fan forums, Yahoo! Groups, and Pro Boards. So I've been around. I've seen it all in real time. And even though I was not into anything to do with Superwholock, I saw all of that, and you know, I have never really been deep in a fandom. Not even when I was on Livejournal. I just have a massive aversion to oversaturation.

So. I've been watching 911 since the pilot. I was hyped for it because of Angela Bassett. I thought, "You're making Angela Bassett a cop and handing her a TV show; what could go wrong?" (That's rhetorical; don't @ me. I know better now.) Anyway. I was hooked from the first episode, and you have to understand when 911 premiered, I was in one of the darkest points of my life. I had finally been declared legally disabled, which I had been working toward for 3 years. So, you know, nobody on Tumblr was talking about this show. By the end of Season 1, a few of us were scratching around at things, but there wasn't much there.

Then, Season 2 happened, and you know, Season 2 was some of my best times in the 911 fandom. I was there when we were deciding on Beddie vs Buddie. I was there when the first Buck/Eddie fic was posted to AO3. I even wrote some back then. It was a completely different energy then. There was an entire Discord server of us who were mortified that "Be Careful What You Wish For" was likely about the part of fandom that wanted Eddie and Shannon to end, but the consensus was, "WTF, we wanted her gone, but not like that!" And then, you know, the people celebrating it got louder and louder, and I was in fandom less and less until I stopped posting about 911 entirely on Tumblr.

Eventually, I made a new blog, this blog, not because of that, but because Tumblr shadowbanned my old blog, and nothing I posted would show up in tags. And you know, I was a big fandom creator and roleplayer, and I had to start all over. But I was still watching 911. I never stopped. I also watch Lone Star, and oh, the stories I could tell about the early days of Lone Star when 911 OG purists were throwing hissy fits that Lone Star content was getting tagged as 911. Seriously, it was a knockdown, drag-out fight to watch. But anyway, you know, I'm watching, and I'm waiting. I'm waiting for Evan Buckley to be confirmed as bisexual as I get my Henren scraps and cry over everything they do to Josh.

Then, the show gets canceled. But OMG, it's Immediately picked up by ABC, so trying to understand how to feel was indescribable. Because Seasons 5 and 6 sucked, they sucked, and I won't be convinced otherwise, and I was despairing because I was going to have to jump ship. And then the show jumped networks. So, I'm figured what do I have to lose?

So, I am still reeling from the Cruise ship disaster and rescue. And I'm going, "Is my show back? It's kind of back, right?" while also going, "And Tommy's back, and he's getting along with everyone. Sure, why not?" And then, you know, Episode 4 happened, and I'm watching it wondering what the hell is going on. Is Tommy going to be a recurring character now? And then you know Buck was an idiot, and you know I thought it was about Eddie, and I was kind of mad because really? The cast and crew get kicked around by their ship's fans, and you're giving them this? Because anyone who tells me watching that episode as it was airing that they thought Buck was doing that for Tommy before the loft scene, I'm calling horseshit because I've been watching since episode 1

I've wanted Bi Buck for as long as I can remember. And it was not until the loft scene that I even realized something was happening. I didn't know what it was, but something was off. And some point, I was standing on the couch freaking out at my TV, going, "WHY ARE THEY STANDING SO CLOSE TOGETHER? WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?" And then, you know, the kiss happened, and thankfully, no one was living next door in my duplex at the time because I was not quiet about my joy, and I sprained my freaking knee. I was so chaotic in my reaction. (I had to go to urgent care. It was a whole thing. Eh, my joints suck because of chronic illness. I told you I was on disability a long time ago, okay.) And you know, once I simmered down, I ran to this blog to post about it because 4 episodes on a new network, and they gave me Bi Buck.

And you know, I tried so hard to find a voice for Tommy in my head, but I couldn't. I didn't have enough material to do it. I appreciated everyone who could do it because I read your fic, which was great. I didn't even get into the fandom for it until Season 8 because I couldn't wrap my head around the ship, but I was going to sit there as long as it took to understand Tommy because it's Bi Buck's canon ship. Of course, I want to be able to write it myself. That's what I do. And right about when Tommy brought Buck avocado toast, I got it. Everything synced up in my head, and I understood it. I could go back and look at things and understand why Tommy did things now.

So, during that break for Halloween, I was writing little things and not posting them. I had already at the start of Season 8 found a Discord server, and I was hanging out in the tag. I was looking through follow lists people posted and zipping through them. And yeah, sue me. I call it Tevan because that's what Tommy calls him. That's not a judgment on anyone; it's just my preference. I forgot to mention that I was also there when shit hit the fan during the Season 7 hiatus and trying to survive in my old 911 Discord Servers, but people were awful for no reason. I'm never gonna understand why a whole swath of fandom hated the ship to the point that they were causing traumatic harm to other people, especially queer men in fandom. That's just so beyond me, and, again, another reason we need the Trevor Project is that queer men fetishists on Tumblr do not constitute a safe community for queer people. But I'm getting off track.

So you know, they broke up Buck and Tommy in the next freaking episode, and I had a lot of feelings. I posted a lot of them here. Some of them conflict because you know the human brain can handle more than one viewpoint. Gray areas are my bread and butter when it comes to media. Anyone gets puritanical about anything; I don't care what you ship; I will remove you from my curated experience because I don't need it. It's not healthy.

I've been writing more and more about this ship since the breakup. I even wrote a fixit for the breakup. And you know what happened in the show compared to what people say in interviews? There's a huge disconnect. In any other situation, especially given it's 911 and the Abby of it all, you would expect this to not be over because that's not how Buck's big love interests work. Most of his relationships end with him being too invested, but you don't get to call it a pivotal relationship for Buck and say it's over cold turkey. That's crappy writing because it completely goes against his characterization.

But I didn't realize how attached many people were to Tommy. I felt like I finally met him in the Halloween episode, and bam, he's gone in the next. So much wasted potential. So much drama. So many harassed actors and crew members. So many "journalists" acting like it's their blog is the gossip section of their high school newspaper, but they get screeners? So much crap happened, and what was it all for? So Buck can pine for Tommy and cause Los Angeles County to go on a flour ration? Like? I don't get it. So yeah. If the show wants to fix this mistake because this one they did leave themselves a contingency plan by not killing the man, they can fix it.

So bring back Tommy. If you do, I'll think about forgiving you for Amir's storyline last season. But we still need to talk about what messages we're sending people in these episodes. Those teenage girls do not deserve to get blamed because a grown man went rage quit to the max. The copaganda is SO HIGH that I can't even watch Athena's scenes now. And there's a bunch more I won't list because we're talking about Tommy and how you need to bring him back. I love these characters, but I'm tired of them repeatedly getting the same trauma and outcomes. You finally let queer people kiss again on your show, and then you get rid of one of them?

Anyway. I'm going to keep writing BuckTommy because I need something good to happen in fandom as I continue to watch this ridiculous show. And if you read this whole thing. I'm sorry that this is how it ends.

[locksox]

(insert the old ask about what species my joel is/why he drools so much)

oops! looks like i never reposted this one lolol

also because it’s not stated in the image, he has a genetic variation for sharp teeth + a glitch that made all his teeth incisors! they’re like razors :)

[jtownraindancer]

had a momentary obsession that i shall ramble about in the tags

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

I’m an OG fan. I ship L/H but how ships are meant to be - your fave pairing, fun, fantasy, fandom activity, not something to discuss publicly much less with the celebs - but I never interacted much in fandom bc I disliked the bizarre obsession with ships being “real”. The “truth” of their sex/love lives is none of our business & was never their value to me. (i’d be much more interested in the truth about their friendships/coworker dynamics but we’ll never get it.) I drifted from the fandom when they went solo bc I saw how Harry was “Timberlake’ing”. No one seemed to see how calculated & ruthlessly ambitious he is, vapid, & fame obsessed. how he only befriends/dates rich, well-connected people. It’s refreshing to learn that blogs like yours exist - that people see him & see what he did to the other guys. Zayn, Louis, Liam - were all at times villainized and scapegoated while he’s treated like a naive princess who can do no wrong. His interviews are so pointless bc he never answers anything honestly. he’d never admit to being a cokehead who purposely deceived & fucked over the others to make sure he could launch his solo career without competition. Zayn tried to outmaneuver him but didn’t have the powerful team behind him & has too much integrity to ever be the kind of “star” Harry is. tbh I enjoy how much it irks harry that Zayn sees through him. It’s wild how sincere the others stayed, how they matured, how they have bigger priorities than money or fame. Harry mimicked Louis’ personality when they were younger, pretending he couldn’t wait to have kids & marry - when really he just wanted to be as rich, promiscuous, and famous as humanly possible. He bootlicks anyone in showbiz, so he has a glowing reputation in the industry - it’s laughable. “TPWK” unless it’s your bandmates who you can’t deign to acknowledge unless it benefits you - hosting SNL or winning an award? ok, mention the band so you get headlines. But like one of their promo posts or even follow them back on IG? heaven forbid, bc that won’t benefit him more than them. It shows his true character that he’s SO successful but still won’t be openly supportive or even seen with them. I don’t think he’s evil but I do think he’s lost to the industry… which is sad, bc there’s once a lot of sweetness there. His eyes have lost their sparkle; he traded it for “success”.

Hi anon,

I was reading this ask and nodding my head right along each sentence. A lot to unpack here, but mostly you’ve said everything I’ve tried to say. I’m not sure if anyone is listening, to be honest! Like you wrote, blogs who don’t worship Harry never become popular. So here I am talking to the air lol. Insanity.

I don’t think Harry is evil either. I think he realizes the trade-offs now, watching his ex-bandmates’ careers slowly build with intentions very different from his, their old ties fading to nothing except when tragedy yokes them back together. He has gazillions in wealth, industry kissing his feet, a lot of women (+ a few men) fantasizing about him, but nothing inside, the lights gone from his eyes years ago. It must feel awkward to stand next to his bandmates again?

Here’s the thing. I’m sure in every circumstance, forever for the foreseeable future, Louis is always going to be the bigger man and speak well of Harry. No matter how many times Louis refutes the idea of Larry, Louis has always said he’s proud of Harry, and I am sure he means it. 100%. No matter what Harry says or does, Louis considers him part of One Direction, his band, and that concept is sacrosanct to him. “We move as one.”

What Louis has in his heart is worth a million Manchester Co-ops. It is priceless. No one can take it away— no Kardashian money, no Rolling Stone cover, no Anna Wintour, no A-list actress or acting role. Nothing. What Louis has is the feeling of loyalty and unity that is the epitome of the song he wrote, Strong. “I don’t care, I’m not scared of love.” It’s not romantic love, at least not anymore, but what Louis describes in Only The Brave— the love that comes from the deepest pain, from uncomfortable truths, alienation, grief— broken beaks and dead birds— the love that requires moral courage. “Because love is only for the brave.” Louis earned it by going through fire, the love that endures because he chose to respect it, intentionally, over all the other things.

Last, Zayn’s intentionality is also transparent for those who open their eyes and see. I’m glad to see that Zayn is touring, and choosing to play the same smaller venues as Louis when he first started his tour. I’m also glad to see Louis communicating via social media. It’s not actual friendship, but a step! It means so much.

Louis and Zayn aren’t perfect people— far from it— but they chose to stay grounded and chose to preserve some part of their humanity. I know they haven’t always been their best selves. But who they are, especially who Louis is, is so endearing, and so inspiring.

[moonywritez6]

Kinktober Day 3 Punishment (Reupload)

Character: Tetsuro Kuroo x Reader

Reader: Fem Reader

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, smut, fingering, oral (f receiving), pet names, exhibitionism, harsh language, degradation

Wc: 1,330

A/N: Hello my sweets! Unfortunately, I got locked out of my old blog account, so I had to make a new one! So, chances of you having seen this before are high as it's on my old account! (I am so sad about it honestly). But I am going through all my old accounts posts and reuploading them here! I hope you can still enjoy my works!

______________________________________________________________

“Well, Y/n? What do you have to say for yourself, kitten?” Your boyfriend Kuroo purred as he went and pushed your dress up while keeping you pinned against the bathroom sink. You let out a slight whine as you tried pushing the jealous man away from you but to no avail. “Kuroo! What if someone tries to come in?” You cried, cheeks red from embarrassment at the thought of some random person walking in on the two of you being naughty. Kuroo clicks his tongue in annoyance as he starts attacking your neck in messy kisses, leaving a few bruises behind as his fingers slide along your panties. “Good, maybe it will be that scumbag you decided to give your attention to,” Kuroo growled, his other hand pulling up your leg to see what was happening down there. 

A small moan escapes your lips as you part your lips, watching Kuroo’s fingers press into the fabric, causing it to dampen with your juices. A chuckle comes from the cocky man as he glances up at you, eyes narrowed. “Tell me, kitten, did I get you wet?” He questioned, going to nip at your bottom lip just enough to the point he knew it would bruise. “Or did he?” He voices the last part in a lower tone before slipping a finger inside, causing you to slap a hand over your mouth as his finger bullies inside your dripping hole, the juices starting to drip down your thighs and onto the tiled floor. The two of you had gone out drinking with some of Kuroo’s work friends for a little celebration, which wasn’t unusual for you; however, there was a new group member this time. 

He was a younger man, maybe by two years. Kuroo wasn’t too worried about anything happening between the two of you as he knew you only had eyes for him, and no other guy could possibly beat him when it came to pleasuring your body that he had trained just for his liking. However, as the night went on, Kuroo couldn’t help but get annoyed as he watched the new guy continue to try and shoot small passes at you while blushing each time you gave a smile or a laugh. Kuroo was annoyed, but it wasn’t until he saw you allow the guy to touch a strand of your hair and push it out of the way, causing him to snap finally. Before anyone could process what was happening, Kuroo had excused the two of you while dragging you towards the nearest bathroom, his grip on your wrist tight and possessive. 

This leads you to your current situation as Kuroo gets on his knees back facing the bathroom door as he teasingly places kisses and bite marks up your thighs, his Hazel eyes staring up at you lovingly but burning with jealousy. “You’ve been naughty tonight, kitten.” He whispers while circling a thumb against your clit, watching you squirm around, your hands gripping the counter as you bite your lip. “W-what do you mean, Kuroo? What did I-!” You stop, eyes going wide as you toss your head back when you feel Kuroo’s tongue slip inside you as he presses his face deep into your pussy, a low groan leaving his lips, causing a vibration as you go and grip his hair. “You know exactly what you did, kitten…what have I told you about letting filthy men touch you?” He growled out, his tongue sliding up and down your wet folds as he brought his fingers back, this time inserting two as he playfully placed a kiss on the throbbing bundle of nerves. 

“But Kuroo, he was just pushing back my hair! Are you sure you’re not over…mmh…thinking it?” You mumbled between moans; your eyes glossed over with lust as you stared down at your boyfriend, drool slipping past your lips. The sight of you made Kuroo grit his teeth, wanting to rip off your clothes and fuck you so hard that everyone in the restaurant would know you were his and that they should know where they stand. Kuroo lets out a sigh while shaking his head in disappointment. “Oh, Y/n~ It appears I’ve failed to remind you how dirty guys are.” He sighed dramatically, his fingers curling in a spot he knows makes you weak in the knees. You stumble slightly before finding your balance again as you press the back of your hand to your lips. 

Kuroo smirks that playful and mischievous glint shining in his eyes as he continues to do the same motion, repeatedly watching as the waves of pleasure cross your face. “I didn’t know I had such a slutty kitten~” He cooed, but his tone was laced with venom as he kept thinking of how you smiled and laughed with the guy with his chest growing tight. “Do you want him to be the one fingering this dirty pussy of yours baby?” He asks, going and scissoring the two fingers inside you, watching you try to support your upper body. “Should I call him in baby? Would you like that, huh? Would my filthy kitten like to have a guy she only met once come in a fuck her slutty little hole?” He laughs, watching as you leak more juices from his words, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

 “Kuroo, I’m gonna cum~” You whine out in a hushed whisper, not wanting anyone to discover the filthy things you were allowing your boyfriend to do to you. “Oh? Do you think you deserve a reward?” Kuroo questions, amused as he stands up, pressing his head against yours, leaving space between your lips. He sighs deeply, loving how your eyes look at that moment. “Can he make you feel this good kitten? Can he make your body shiver with pleasure like I can?” Kuroo sticks his tongue out while licking at the corner of your mouth. You whine, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel your orgasm approaching. 

“Kuroo, I’m sorry I let him touch my hair! I’m sorry for being a bad girl, so please, I need more!” You cried, wanting to feel his dick deep inside you. Kuroo looked at you with a giant smirk as he went and nuzzled into the crook of your neck, deeply inhaling the scent of your perfume as he felt your walls tighten around his fingers. “Is that right?” He whispered, feeling you nod your head in agreement with his words. He lets out a deep laugh while quickly pulling his fingers out, stopping you from reaching your release. You let out a whine while looking up at him with confusion. Kuroo smiles at you with that mischievous glint still in his eyes as he licks his fingers, letting out a satisfied hum as he tastes your juices on his tongue. 

“Why did you stop Kuroo?” You whined, feeling frustrated at his behavior. “Because kitten,” He starts while leaning next to your ear, one hand spreading your legs further apart, causing you to knit your brows, wondering what he was up to. Suddenly you feel a harsh slap against your pussy, causing you to arch your back, eyes wide in shock from the sudden stinging pain. Kuroo quickly does it again three times, causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. “Fucking is a reward, but you haven’t been good now, have you kitten?” He growls, giving your pussy one last smack making sure it is rougher than the previous ones. He pulls away from you, watching as your knees give out, causing you to fall to the floor. Kuroo squats down before you with a smile as he caresses your cheek. “We need to get back to the others, or else they’ll definitely find out my sweet kitten is a dirty little slut~” He coos, watching you with dark eyes. 

“When we get home, I’m going to have to retrain you Y/n~”

[thursdayinspace]

Hello “touchstone” anon here from tigers blog. I love to hear your analysis on Mulder and Scully relationship both right before and right after iwtb. You can include the revival if you want but it’s not really my cup of tea. Thank you!!

hi anon! I think their relationship around iwtb is really interesting and i have read a lot of very different takes on it. For me, it makes absolute sense for them to be where they are at that point.

Mulder has been isolated for a long time, and he isn't doing well. All his life, he's had a purpose—his search for the truth and a belief in the fact that the world was worth fighting for. All of that has been taken away. Add to that years of unprocessed trauma, and it's natural that he's fallen into a deep hole. He needs something to hold onto, but he can't have that. He's in hiding. There doesn't seem to be any kind of future for him.

Scully has gone back to work. She exists in the outside world and in her and Mulder's world, essentially living a double existence, torn between responsibilities in two universes that can never, ever touch. It takes a toll on her, as does the fact that it's hard to see the person you love suffer the way Mulder is suffering. But how could she even begin to help him? He can't go to therapy. He's in hiding. And she's too close to him. A partner can never be a therapist. The situation he's in is her situation as well. She's caught up in all the same shit, having to battle her own traumatic experiences along with facing the hopelessness and sadness at home every single day.

When he's offered the chance to help out on that case in exchange for having all charges against him dropped, of course she has to insist that he take that opportunity. He needs to get out of the house, he needs a chance at having a life and a future, a chance to be okay again. But because he's Mulder and because he's had to sit still for years, he throws himself into it head-first and completely, going straight back to the life that already destroyed them once. Could she have known that would happen? Of course. Was there any alternative? Of course *not*. It was his only chance to get to live a normal life again.

But their relationship had been strained before they were offered this chance, for all the reasons mentioned above: his isolation, her inability to help him, their trauma. They love each other. They always have and they always will. But love doesn't fix everything. Due to everything that happened to them and due to the situation they're living in, they're not able to take care even of themselves, much less of each other. You cannot carry someone else's burden for them. And especially not if you can't even carry your own. So there are cracks in their relationship. Big ones. It's hard to be happy when you see your partner going through hell without being able to help. More than that: it can lead to you withdrawing from them, because you don't want to put your own burden on their already aching shoulders, and also because you can't handle theirs for them either. That has nothing to do with how much you love someone. Our strength as people is not unlimited.

So throughout the movie, they go through a true roller coaster of emotions: she pushed him towards taking this deal so he would be able to lead a normal life again. He accepted because he knew he couldn't go on the way he was. And then she has to watch him slide back into old patterns right away, staring into the face of untold horrors, and she knows, she remembers what that did to him the last time around. She was there all those times he nearly destroyed himself for his mission. and she's tired. From everything they've been through, including the last few years where she was stretched thin between two worlds. She can't live that kind of life anymore.

But they do love each other. They have never given up easily. And they don't do it now. They're really, really close to breaking up, and I know there are a lot of takes saying that they do, at the end of the movie. I don't see that. He goes off on his own to save that missing woman, and she follows him to save him. But I think she realizes something there: she realizes that this is who he has always been and that there really isn't any middle ground. There is no room for negotiation. She can accept him like this or she can leave. And I think he realizes something similar: he realizes that she was serious when she said she can't do this anymore. So he has a choice between two options too: go back to his old life or live the quiet life with her that she wishes for. The thing is, they don't make a decision by the end of the movie. But when she leaves that morning, she leaves for work, and nothing more. That kiss by the car is not a goodbye. It's a promise to keep trying.

They're not okay after iwtb. Far from it. In terms of their relationship, they have solved very little. But they have become aware of what their problems really are. I don't think they really get to the core of it. That doesn't happen until just before the revival. But they get a little closer to the truth. Close enough for them to know that ignoring all that is wrong will only hurt them more in the long run. They are headed towards a breakup here. There are still too many things they are keeping from each other, about what they are truly feeling in the wake of everything that happened since 1993. They still try to protect each other from their own pain, and that's no way to live. But they have gained a new foothold. One that will not be strong enough to fix their relationship, but one that will allow them to break up without hating each other when they reach that breaking point.

That wording is very intentional: it *allows* them to break up. They need to spend some time apart to figure themselves out and to separate the good parts from the bad parts of their relationship. To figure out what it is that they're fighting for. The breakup is absolutely necessary for them in order to get back to a place from where they can eventually build a solid relationship. But there we're heading into the revival and this post is long enough. So. That's my take on it. iwtb is open-ended where their relationship is concerned. and I really like that. :)

[tsp-narrator-ask]

Hey guys blog runner juni here! I know I haven’t been active in a while… but I’m not here to be sad about it I’m here to tell you my followers the great news in my life! I’m going to college in a few days!

This fandom has been great to me, and the support and love I got for my silly little things really made a difference when I needed it, but I’m here to announce I most likely won’t be posting at all again. Or rather I might only answer questions that can be answered through text when I’m bored,

I’ve grown out of this fandom just a little, though I will never grow out of the friends I made along the way!

you guys can still do what ever you’d like with my silly little shrimp narrator- but for now consider him “retired”

“Ahem juniper may I speak?”

Oh yea of course shrimp narrator the floor is yours!

“My dearest readers, as juniper has said it’s time for goodbyes, but goodbyes are never forever, the time I shared here made this parable, this story, worth more then words can express. So as the only gratitude I posses to pass along I’ll paint a picture of what’s to come for me so you aren’t left on a cliffhanger of sorts, Stanley and I are retiring, so no more parable- though some times we come back to it for our child squilla runs it and now has rebranded as the “back rooms” we couldn’t be more proud of them. meanwhile we have created our own little home in the memory zone. But never fear we still bounce in and out of the narrator and Stanley meeting spots to say hello to good old friends.”

Great choice of words shrimpy my boy, all in all… thank you. Feel free to still send in asks just know it won’t be the same “Stanley and shrimp narrator” as before. They aren’t gone- just new, they have simply grown so far into there own thing. Just as they have grown in my narrative I have grown as a person along side it.

Goodbye, Sincerely signed the shrimp narrator 🦐

((If any one wishes to further support me and my work please consider following my original series on tumblr @yumikus-guide ))

[holylulusworld]

More than a feeling

Summary: Dean recalls his time with you.

Character: Dean Winchester

Warnings: angst, Dean’s self-loathing, mentions of loss of loved ones, sadness, written in Dean’s pov

Written for @deanwanddamons​ Rock SPN Flash Fan Fic Challenge! Round 3. My song was More than a feeling (Boston) Lyrics are taken from the song.

Words: 500 (including lyrics)

I jolt up on the bed, panting and wheezing. I haven’t had a nightmare for what feels like ages. Most of the time I can suppress the memories of hell. 

What I can’t suppress are the faces of all the people I lost over the years. Including the one, I’m yearning to see again.

My life went down the drain the moment I was born. At least, that’s what I like to tell myself. The truth is that I’m the master of my fate. After my father’s death, I chose to follow the path leading to hell.

I groan as the hangover from last night catches up with my head. I swing my legs out of the bed, hissing as my feet hit the cold ground.

It gets colder again. I can feel it in my old bones.

Who would’ve thought I will grow old, and grey? But I did. Well, not old…old. Just old. 

I’m fifty now, and I slowly feel every battle I ever fought in my bones.

I get up from the bed to look out of the window. It’s been a while since I left the old house I bought after Sam decided to retire. He told me to do the same after the last hunt almost killed me.   

It’s raining again. The weather mirrors my mood. 

I dreamed of you again, and it hurt like hell.

“Music always helps,” I grumble, and cough a little when I do. I switch the radio on, and of course, the station is playing our song…

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone

 Turned on some music to start my day

 I lost myself in a familiar song

 I closed my eyes and I slipped away

Awesome. Now I feel even worse as I remember the way we sang along to the song. And how we made love in the backseat of my car. Baby. The only remnant of my former life.

“It's more than a feeling, (More than a feeling), When I hear that old song they used to play …” I sing along one last time.

Maybe it was for the best to let you go. Maybe not. Who knows?

Life always found a way to fuck me over. If not, I found a way to mess things up. 

I sigh and turn off the radio. 

The song still plays in my mind. I shake my head, hoping to just forget about you, and the past.

Easier said than done.

I decide to go for a ride to clear my mind.

I wanted to go for a ride and here I’m standing in front of your door.

You’re the missing piece I’ve lost so long ago, and I pray it’s not too late. 

I look for the song on my phone and pump up the volume. 

Boston is playing as I lift my fist to knock at your door.

I breathe in, hoping it’s more than a feeling bringing me back to your door...

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags  

@lyarr24

@akshi8278 

@spnfamily-j2

@irmcpar

@negans-lucille-tblr

@deans-baby-momma

@squirrelnotsam

@roonyxx

@underthewrapsrp-blog

@deansgirl-1968

@butifulsoul125

@lyinginthegingerlocks

@champagneneen

@janicho88

@woodworthti666

@thevelvetseries

@dreaminemz

@midnightsilver16830

@mrspeacem1nusone

@ria132love

@caligraphee

@the-witch-in-silence

@justanotherwinchester

@multisuperfandom

@magssteenkamp

@tranquility-or-chaos

@jxackles

@michellemxndes

@addictedtofictionalcharacters

@impalapark

@waywardrose13

@myopiamystical

@rintheemolion

@bluecornflowers

@rosalynshields

@peaches007 

@thoughts-and-funnies

@beabutterfly987

@deandreamernp

@quicksilver-x-blog

@olichat

@pink-sparkly-witch

@lassie-bird

@babygirl-one-and-only

@lessons-of-red

@wykkedwitch

@yvespecially

@morpheus-zion-au

@liloxclu

@wirdbeimaufhebengebunden

@creepzeyecandy

@kiki13522

 @deansonlywife

[babiebom]

Abigail Headcanons

I had wrote some of these for my old blog but forgot to save them so i forgot what i wrote and now I have to start over haha

Tw: cursing, brief sexual mention, cheating(not abby), some canon info may be wrong lmao

Is between 5'4-5'8

Mostly because she does give off tall goth mommy vibes but also gives off short angry troll vibes(I'm 4'11 I'm allowed to say this)

I think she's like 22-24

It's stayed at some point that she takes online college classes right? Or am i insane?

I do 100% think she's the wizards daughter I mean it does line up and if she's not then wtf

It's more than just the hair

But even then like isn't it said that she only dyed it ONCE and the color just never went away?

Like I feel like its one of those things where she had to activate the trait for it to show up

Like Idk if you've seen Barbie in a (and a?) Mermaid Tale but like

Barbie(her name isn't barbie but i cant remember what it is) doesn't show any mermaid traits at all until shes a certain age then she does things to trigger it(like going in the water and being able to breathe or her hair turning pink.)

Or traits that have been there already now making sense(her being obsessed with the water and surfing)

For Abigail, she just needed to dye her hair that specific color in order for it to stay in that state

And she has other abilities like being able to see the Junimos when literally no one else but the farmer and the wizard can.

And her love of adventure and the unknown

And i think she is a witchy girl along with Emily

Also the fact that Caroline hung out near the wizards tower then got pregnant with Abby

I think she still hangs out there sometimes or maybe its a mod or maybe I'm delusional(this one is a fact)

N e ways i've gone on too long about this

I think she would study for something like archaeology or something or like game development.

Does play video games as much as she can

Does rage quit

Gets angry when she dies

Though its canon that Abby and Seb would end up together if not with the farmer(I think?)

Highkey a toxic gamer but her outbursts are funny so it's allowed

I think she likes games like Undertale, the Sonic games, Mario, hates Valorant with a passion but still plays even though it only makes her angry

I feel like her feelings for him are shallow

Not in a bad way

But in a theres no one else for me to realistically end up with or crush on type thing

Like unless she's going to date one of the girls(I think Pierre is homophobic) Seb is her only choice

I do sorta ship her with Haley tho (goth gf x pink gf)

Does wish to be in the adventurers guilde but i also think she would be terrified

Also realistically I feel like she knows it wouldn't work out for long. Though she does sometimes go in the upper(lower?) levels of the mines.

100 percent prefers her mom to her dad

I think if she ever found out about the wizard possibly being her father it would make her be the most torn she has ever been

Because on one hand she does love pierre hes the man that raised her and I dont think she would accept cheating AT ALL and it would hurt her to know hes not her biological father

But on the other hand she would find it cool that theres a reason for her weirdness

Like theres a reason she can see the weird creatures in the forest when no one else can(to her knowledge)

Theres a reason for her longing to venture out and explore the unknown

And the wizard is pretty freaking cool seeing as she hangs out next to his tower often

Either showers everyday or once every 3 days there's no in between

Probably does want to travel at some point, maybe when she has her own money to spend.

If pierre wanted her to take over his store when he gets too old she would refuse

Is sorta sad she doesn't have any siblings, but at the same is glad because she only has to worry about herself

Learned to play the drums as a way to let out her anger

Has an okay voice when singing, but doesn't know how to properly hit notes without fucking up her voice

[kalamatagreen]

Hisashiburi

I was listening to a podcast called "You Do You," a Japanese language podcast that features two best friends, one in Australia. The one in Australia mentioned that she had revisited her old blog posts and was quite impressed with what she had written, and that the last one was in 2017! Much the same with me. I just logged on here to see that my last post had been in October-ish 2017. I had written about the wrap party in Santa Rosa for the WWE2K video games.

I don't think I'm ready to make this private, but it's a big deal to be sitting at my desk at all typing out my life. Some folks are smoking cigs outside and apparently celebrating a 21st birthday and it is really grinding my gears with this period-induced headache I've been nursing.

The Australian in the Japanese podcast said she had been ruminating on the quote, "If you think that sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain." The quote hit her differently when she first blogged about it, thinking simply that it was a nod to having a shift in perspective to think more positively. But after experiencing more tragedy and loss and such, she's realized the deeper meaning of being able to find joy and meaning even within sad moments or pain or a state of tragedy.

Today, I asked my 6th period Japanese Language Arts 6th grade class what they had done during Thanksgiving. One student Enzo had gone to Austin and Houston, visiting his dad's cousin's family, as well as NASA headquarters. I immediately thought of my dad visiting NASA headquarters for his work but didn't mention that, just asked if Enzo had any family working for NASA, which he didn't. I did say that I'd also been to Austin over the Thanksgiving break. What a coincidence and small world. Enzo cracks me up because he talks in a stream-of-consciousness way in both his speaking up in class and his storyboards. I know his style of writing now.

At the AirBNB in Austin, there was a book in my bedroom titled "Write your novel in a month." I combed through it a bit. I believe the target was to get down on paper 50,000 words. I guess that's 500 times as much as 500 words, which is one to three pages? Doesn't sound insane. I think about all of the characters I've come across in my life, from my elementary, secondary school days, college life, JET Program life, Monterey Institute torture, 2K Games adventures, Tonko House stint, freelance and freeloading days back at my dad's, and now working as a full-time Japanese language teacher at Culver City Middle School in the immersion program! What are the odds??

I watched "The Gospel of John" on youtube for the second night in a row, and my roommate Jaspreet caught me watching it as I sat in my workout clothes (burgundy ribbed tank top and black pants). I felt a little self-conscious about it so I watched a few more minutes and then switched over to "Komi Can't Communicate," watching the last few minutes of the first episode. So you can see that I don't watch TV for extended periods of time, not since moving to this branch of Category/Common - Matteson, where I have two male roommates in their 20s, versus the rotating band of adventurers at Centinela, except for Terri who stayed firm through to the end, although she had moved in a couple of months after me originally. At Centinela, I had faithful TV-watching buddies in Terri and Ariel.

Lord, I find it hard to orient myself. The kids were singing "Country Roads," the English version, along to the Japanese version that I was showing them through an EdPuzzle. My favorite Ghibli movie of all time, though I usually publicly say it's "Princess Mononoke," is actually "Whisper of the Heart" - "Mimi wo Sumaseba." The theme song in that is "Country Roads," sung by the lead character and accompanied by her boyfriend on violin and his grandpa's string quartet. I found it so charming that the 6th graders knew "Country Roads." I asked them how they knew it, and they said they simply just did, because it's a song that people know, and that it's a classic. That means so much in this age where shared culture has been fragmented by the internet.

I was thinking that I've had the privilege to re-live my adolescence every half generation or so. I re-lived it once in Fukuyama, Japan, as I taught 5th- 9th graders as an assistant language on the JET Program, and now I'm re-living it in a more removed, reluctant way... I pretend I'm so much more experienced and wise than the kiddos, but really my most vulnerable experience happened in 8th grade, and that was losing my mom.

"Mimi wo Sumaseba" was a Studio Ghibli VHS tape that was part of a collection that Masayuki Ojisan, my mom's younger brother gave to us on our summer trip to Japan, probably between 5th and 6th grade. I remember watching that video tape and feeling so connected to the story - a young girl coming of age and falling in love and trying to find her gift of writing, and being inspired by the boy who made violins, and them performing "Country Roads" together and her following a random fat cat on a train and through town, and how charming it all was. I showed this to my Japanese classes last year, and my Japanese 1 class in particular seemed similarly charmed by it.

[mama-scarebear]

Hi mommy ummm it’s your dumb bratty daughter from yesterday🥺… I was up most of the night feeling so guilty n sad cuz I los my gold star. I was thinking of a way to make it up to momma n then u says u want fantasies… I hope u like it because this is not rlly a fantasy mama it’s a true. 

So ummm I am 18 yrs old mommy n I still go to high school…. U come in one day for a lecture or smt n see me at the back of the class. I’m very shy n don’t have many friends… no one will notice if I were to disappear. U follow me home n notice I take a side path that’s completely covered by trees, so no one can c me so u grab me n take me home (I’m 4’9 mama there’s no way I can fight you). U keep me in ur basement tied to the wall without my clothes. U come back to beat me every day, I cry and cry for it to stop but it never does. eventually you’ve broken me enough to allow to bring me upstairs… that’s the first time u rape me mommy (I’m so tight mommy… can’t even fit one finger inside myself). I beg for u to stop but that’s it… can’t even seem to rlly fight u anymore. After you’re done u put me in a big crinkly diaper n in my crib I go. I don’t even have enough energy to cry anymore mama, and if I ever brat out you’ll just shove me back to the dark cold basement until I get all better. I’m all yours mommy to shape and change and mold over and over again until I’m perfect for you… mommy decides and mommy knows best and I’ll do anything to earn my mother’s love and praise…. I love you mommy👉🏻👈🏻

Good God a genuine high-school student? Like sure I know 18 and what not but good God I feel like a creep now... at your age looking at blogs like mine can do rather serious damage you know. Though I have quite the feeling that damage has been done hasn't it hon? You've gone and rewired your brain to be desperate for the big scary lady you found online... children these days... though you did spend time to make up for your previous behavior and I can see why you were so impetuous now, folly of youth and all that... goodness sweetie I'm near a decade older than you... surely there are other girls your age you'd rather flirt with no? I digress... a gold star well earned and hopefully a good night's rest to go along with it. Keep your focus on classes little one I won't be the reason why your future is compromised.

[landboundstar-writing]

Movie Night

Another repost from AO3 and my main blog.

Tip if you can. Reblog if you can't

NSFW - Minors, be gone. You have been warned.

CW- Zatanna/Boston Brand nipple play, oral sex, spooning

"Zee,"

The whisper startled Zatanna from where she was reading on the couch. Uncrossing her legs, she looked up to see a ghost 

"Hey, Boston."

She could see their unit's resident ghost with no problem thanks to magic, even times like now when he did not borrow somebody's body, and he came further into the room. The flames in the fireplace started to turn blue as he stood in front of them.

"What's wrong?"

Boston was normally a pretty chatty and cheerful ghost, but he looked sad. Zatanna shut her book and stood, coming over to stand with the ghost.

"I'm lonely. Can we watch a movie? Please?"

He shifted his foot back and forth, and she was pretty sure he was blushing.

Zee shrugged. "Sure."

"Really?" His eyes lit up, literally, for a second.

Zee smiled. Zachary and John had gone to see a local band at the bar, and they were both likely to be out for hours yet. And things had been quiet tonight while she had been on call. It was the perfect night for a baggy sweater and leggings with a fire in the fireplace. But she had started to feel a little lonely herself halfway through the last chapter, so hanging out and watching a movie with Boston seemed like a great idea.

"What movie?"

He flashed a smile. "Something old that we both have watched a dozen times so you don't get mad if I talk and I don't lose the plot? Comedy? Musical?"

Zee couldn't find Singing In The Rain right away, so she clicked on The Court Jester.

"It's nice having a quiet night with a movie after spending time with people all week."

"With people? Or around people?"

Zatanna looked startled by the question. 

"You are surrounded by people every night. But your cousin, John, your assistant, Dinah, some of the Belfry. You don't really hang out with the others. And, I was a performer. Don't try to tell me that you are just hanging out when you are on stage."

"You sounded like John for a second."

"He gets it too. And most of the Justice League treats both of us like we don't belong. Besides, John doesn't mind doing this when he stays in or is at the Watchtower. He doesn't even mind the hugs."

"Hugs?" Zatanna was startled into laughter. "Sorry, I didn't realize you liked John."

"When he isn't threatening to send me on because I possessed somebody, we get along. He'll talk, give me hugs, watch cheesy horror flicks or the Twilight Zone. And he gets me wanting to be around people. I miss it. I can't even change out of what I died in."

"Do you want that? To change clothes? Or get a hug?"

"Yeah, but -"

Zatanna waved her hand and did a quick backcasting. Boston still sat next to her on the couch, but wearing a black tee shirt and pajama pants. His face was scrubbed clean of greasepaint, just a regular guy with blue eyes and brown hair.

"Cozy." He blinked down, staring at his hands resting on the soft flannel pants, looking so confused, sitting next to her in normal clothing.

"It's magic." Zee whispered and pulled him into a hug.

There was a beat, then two, before he hugged her back, pulling her head against his shoulder, hands rubbing circles on her back.

Then, he stilled. Slowly, he went to pull away.

"Boston?"

"I shouldn't do this." His words were barely a whisper against the top of her head, stirring her hair.

"I wouldn't have given you a hug if I wasn't okay with it."

"Zatanna, I don't want to stop with just a hug."

"Okay."

"What?"

She climbed onto his lap, hands resting on his hips. "I said I am okay with that."

"Last time that  I did this, I got shot for it."

"I don't plan on shooting you." She gave a gentle kiss at the point where his neck and collarbone met.

And found herself laying back on the couch, Boston leaning over her.

"If it's okay, I'd like to take the lead. There are some things I've missed."

"Go ahead, then."

Zatanna felt lips skimming over her throat with gentle kisses as she felt deft hands rolling her leggings and underwear down and off.

As his hands slid back up, he grabbed the hem of her sweater and lifted it up and off.

"You aren't wearing a bra."

Zatanna stared up at him, as he looked at her naked body. "Is that a problem?"

"Not at all."

He kissed her breasts, teased her nipples, licking the undersides as he slid down to kiss down her stomach, hands gently pressing at the insides of her knees to urge them apart.

He kissed lower and lower as his hands slid back up her thighs.

She gasped as he started, licking and sucking on her center, his tongue parting her labia.

He licked another time, and her hips lifted, muscles tightening as she moaned and came.

Sliding back up, he turned her quivering body, spooning her.

Zatanna spent a bit of magic to clean up and pull a blanket over both of them.

"I take it you did that a lot."

Boston smiled. "Best way to watch a movie. You should see what I could do with a drive-in."

Zatanna laughed. "Maybe once it's warmer out. But, I don't mind having a movie night with you now and then."

"I'm glad because I wouldn't mind doing this again too. Have you ever seen Some Like It Hot?"

"Of course."

Boston smiled and kissed her neck, his touch spectrally cool. "Great. That means you won't miss anything."

"Sounds like a date."

[cometcactus]

greetings once again: a little update... now where are my soccer fans at? ⚽👀

hey y'all, nia here, it's been months since i posted... would you like to hear a story? not sure if this is going to last but i may be a soccer/football fan now... or at the very least feeling nostalgic for it. it's quite funny because i was never interested in soccer myself, but i do have fond memories of experiencing the world cup hype where i live, and i remember having a few soccer fans in my neighborhood. part of this story has something to do my growing interest in german culture over the past few years. i'll tell you about that as well in another time. so, i was 10 years old when germany won the world cup last time, and while i wasn't actively following the games, i did remember the 7-1 semifinal becoming a meme and hearing götze's name every so often in the news back then... (10-year-old me had almost no idea why he was in the news, lol) also, i remembered seeing those winner group photos where the all the goalkeepers wore that one (ugly but catchy) shade of green. fast forward to this year and a couple months ago i had the chance to watch the euros with my german friends. it was my first soccer watch party in years and it was my first time watching soccer with my close friends :) so as i was watching the games i noticed that along a bunch of new names in germany's team, there were a few familiar names from 10 years ago: müller and kroos (and that time i had no idea and i certainly didn't think for once that this would be their last tournament as a team) but one name stood out to me more than others: manuel neuer. 🧤 i guess my friends were all nostalgic for him since they would occasionally talk about him and recall his many achievements, joke about him a lot so that he became a bit of a meme among my friend circle, and at that point he instantly became my favorite goalkeeper. (plus, he looks super cute too...🥺)

yeah i have to admit, for a moment i may have gone crazy for him (he certainly looks older now but i kid you not, i would yell his name every time he appeared on camera during the euros, silly me) here comes the sad part though: 10 years is quite a long time in a soccer player's career, and it seems a lot of them have retired or are retiring due to their age, so it may come as a surprise for some that some of the old gang from the world cup 10 years ago were still playing in the euros. with the last players from back then - including the lovely keeper neuer himself - having announced their retirement from the german team by the time i started writing this post, the days of the world cup winners are pretty much over. god, i feel old every time i see photos of germany's world cup team this year's euros have left me with some beautiful memories, and made me a new soccer fan who's also nostalgic for the world cup champions. so, as a homage to this goalkeeper and the Weltmeister of 2014 i started a new tumblr blog where i would mostly repost german soccer stuff from the past years and maybe throw in some original content as well. @neuerstalgia - come check it out if you want ^_^ and, i said i would bring more content to my main, but i have to admit i wasn't being very productive these days. and it's not like i don't have anything to show - rather the opposite - i have been making stuff for my page but i often leave them unfinished, to the point where i just have too many drafts lying around. but i'll be a responsible citizen and finish them all 'cause i sure do have a lot of things and ideas i'd like to show to you. 💛 in other words, i'll try to spend more of my time publishing content to my blog. i've got a list of what i'd like to post here, but i don't want to spoil the surprise. but i'll tell you, it's going to be interesting :D so, i end the day by listening to a german song. look forward to more posts, doodles and reblogs from me and hope you all have a pleasant evening.

[wonibow]

˚ ༘ ( 🥀 ) ⋆˚ ࿐ྂ 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟

𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑦 ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ 💋

𝟎𝟗.𝟎𝟏.𝟐𝟐 — 𝟎𝟗.𝟎𝟏.𝟐𝟑 ❤︎

𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙞𝙩, 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚⇢ 💌 ;; incoming love letter for @snghnprk !

happy one year to the absolute love of my life! where do i even start...

wow, we've gone through so much in this past year but we did it together and i'm so glad i had you right here beside me through it all. we're not perfect individuals by any means, but we're learning and growing together as we go along and that's what has kept us from drifting apart. i want this to be about our happiest memories and about us, so i'll leave out all the unneeded details, but i hope you know that you've helped me through so much and there will never be enough words in the world that could begin to describe how much i love and cherish you. you mean the world to me and i'd like to stay attached by our red string of fate forever~

you always make me feel like such a princess, always calling me the sweetest pet names and even going out of your way to ruin your angsty emo boy blog theme to reblog pretty pinky things that remind you of me. c': you never fail to make my heart go whooshhh~ and whenever i'm in my sad girlie hours, you're always there to give me infinite snuggles and distract me with the cutest baby videos you find. i couldn't ask for anyone lovelier than you, you've become such a safe space for me and that's all i could ever want in a future husband~

remember that first date we went on? c': where you took me to watch a sunset and gave me a cute necklace which i definitely still wear to this day? remember that phase you went through where you used to toss me over your shoulder almost every day? c': i pretended to hate it but it was so much fun, you always know how to make me giggle. remember all those random love spams you'd send to me while i was asleep? i loved waking up to read them, it was such a good start to my day... waking up to you just makes my day brighter~ remember when we started to plan our wedding just two months after making it official? i guess we always knew we'd stay together for a long, long time, huh? i can't wait for the day it finally happens... there's no one else i'd rather spend the rest of my life with than you, you're my forever~

ahh i'm definitely rambling now but i just... i'm so thankful that i still have you... i can't imagine what i'd be doing without you here... you're so precious to me and i'll love you endlessly, no matter what. thank you for the best one year of jangkku, and for many, many more years to come! i love you to the moon and back, always~ 🌙

from, your future wife who's totally not sobbing sparkly tears while writing this 💗

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ jangkku turns 1 year old ! { 9.1.22 }

[scp-ao3-author]

Hi! Do you have any stories about the origin of something you wrote?

OH OH OH OH OKAY

SO UHHH LETS JUST DO THEM ALL

Lightning:

Lightning was my first attempt at a 100k fic. its currently on anonymous because I have a firm belief that A Certain Author is reading my work and that is very scary. There was an actual draft that made it TO 100k, but the plot sucked?

Like I detailed every moment of Y/N from birth to SCP Foundation because I was a very "Grrr... Accuracy" guy. and then I had an entire subplot between y/n and kondraki, which inevitably fails. there was a whole thing of Y/n's brain being fried from amnestics and someone was like "this is actually stupid :/" so i ended up rewriting it with whatever I pulled from my ass.

Confession booth:

Confession booth was supposed to be a crack fic. surprise surprise. my (ex) friend wanted me to write a crack fic of clef in a priest outfit. but he didnt seem... like the kind of guy to just do that for no reason? at least back then I figured him to be like that guy. since then, I have grown to learn more about clef so in hindsight, I would like to rewrite some of my older stories to be more fitting. But I made a plot to rationalize Priest Clef and well. thats what was created.

Hold The Line:

I was maladaptive Daydreaming to Give and Take by Poor Mans Poison and i thought I was going to die if i didnt share the thoughts in my head.

The Only World You Know:

I got tired of Iceberg being shitty and pathetic with no backstory. Had to flesh that sad little milkshake

Take the seeds:

Fin.

Memory:

I always had the headcanon that Francis had legitimately worked in the Foundation as a system well before taking control as Dr. Clef. But one of the questions that always begged in my head was like... How would he have reacted with the other staff? I experimented with Kondraki, who also went through his original change. The idea of Kondraki being part of the Montauk Procedure and spiraling actually came from Author Kondraki's old blog. the rest I pulled out my ass with the help of a few friends. The original story was supposed to be "They hate each other, but begrudgingly are forced to get along. thats it." but people were ADAMANT about making them fall in love. it was mildly uncomfortable but i rolled with it and i will admit. I kind of like how it turned out apart from the last chapter.

Its Like Dying:

I wanted to write a followup to Memory about how Francis affected Kondraki's life in such a way that when Kondraki finally realized he cared, it had been too late to actually follow through on that. He takes this out towards Clef, the man who suddenly appeared after Francis Dissapeared, but eventually learns to accept when something is gone forever, and hopefully when i get around to it again, he will move towards actually accpeting clef into his life, not knowing that hes the only other person who will treat him like hes not insane for knowing Francis Existed.

I Am Ready To See You Again:

its supposed to be like a ressurection idea not FOR resurrection but similar. they wake up, everything is new and strange. and different. but as they explore the memory of their previous lifetime goes away, and they have to adjust to their own world. It centers mainly around A Major what with their multi universal knowledge? the idea was SUPPOSED to be that at least. I got the intro out and.... I lost all my notes apart from "Gears finds 173"

They Dont Even Have Dental:

This was supposed to be a silly joke seminar about Clef hating the GOC for not having dental, a running gag between some of my friend groups. its like an unspoken agreement. that place sucks, they dont have dental. and then i planted a cute little bit of plot at the end for an... upcoming show im working on. dw. ill share the script.

when its done.

Francis Disturbed:

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

HHHH OKAY SO.

this was built off of a million headcanons swirling in my little head, but the final headcanon that broke the google doc was this:

Francis was a premature baby.

lemme break this one down im a bit excited lol

in 4231, Francis loved lily. alot. and it hurt him because she hurt him, but he stayed nonetheless. that, plus having DID? probably meant that it was VERY unlikely he had a stable family life growing up. dads out of the picture, type greenery adapted at a young age... you know? it adds up. then there was the stuff about agora. I thought...

I honestly thought that Agora was laying the self-shaming and "I should have killed my son" stuff a bit... i hated it. Like it was good but it rubbed me the wrong way a little and after a moment im like... "What if... i worked with that idea?" and created a story about Francis' childhood dynamic. this is where it gets fun:

Ive been planning the next chapter for a little while now, but this all happened during a time period in which I did not EXIST, so i have to go around my writing carefully. the next chapter is going to be the after effects of what... Agora... Did... and after THAT we get to see Francis entering the GOC, and what happened to him in the Ichabod Campaign.

it gets a little funny there was going to be a bit where ukulele gets a balloon tied to his arm so his team can find him off-missions.

Now. this wont make sense, until you SEE the chapter but... I cant continue writing the story until I get a physical copy of IT by stephen king....

and i dont live near a library or book shop OR thrift store that has it.

And I hate amazon.

A Different Shade OF Green:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD

HHHHH lemme grab my notes uhhhh ADSOG has been planned for a WHILE

ACTUALLY HERES THE DRAFT

FAIR WARNING: TREAT this story like it is NOT the actual bones of ADSOG on AO3. I kind of just kept rambling, I wanted an arc for a story where Blackbird takes an interest into Francis, but it ultimately doesn't work out, ukulele appears more. Adam is a dick. Ten is more active in the story too. there's SO many differences between this and the actual story. AND the format is FUCKED

ADSOG was supposed to be a single one shot, where seven confronted clef about his issues. She responds to his dickish behavior by shoving a spoon into his face, and he replies by biting into it and slowly chewing it while they make eye contact. that was ALL the story was supposed to be. then i was like "I like the barber scene." that is actually a one shot on its own that i just blended into the draft and main story. there are SO gonna be more scenes in the main story where francis is stimmming. at some point or another though i had at one point built SO many one shot stories on them that i just said fuck it and made it all one big story and

oh my god.

you are going to cry at the ending.

Orangechild:

uhh this was actually a full narrative but then i hit up @tickedtimebomb and was like "give me a line that fucks and ill turn it into a poem" and that's how I got "and then i fed the world my soul" WHICH IS ALSO REFRENCED IN THE DRAFT OF ADSOG

idk if anyone's noticed or not but i have a million little red strings tying all of my story together. :D

intervention:

fin

eye for an eye:

Eye for an eye was created with the ongoing concept of "4231-a comes back, how will clef react?" but instead of the "he would cry and die" I decided to go for a "He's going to be pissed."

it is a vacation:

I had a silly idea of the doctors being sent to antarctica and i played with it a little with mattastr0phic because I wanted myriad in the story. I had another friend who helped me with the iceberg bit too. <3

in cod we trust:

I just wanted to give Cimmerian some shit.

apples and oranges:

I take commissions for writing. I was paid to make this, that doesn't mean I don't love it though i have EVERY chapter preplanned. as of right now, unfortunately, I am on pause for my writing because I burned myself a little bit on regular writing and am just sticking to script writing for some *cough* shows.

Ketchup and Mustard:

I am preparing for something called a "Kingson bomb" which is: whenever i have an extra amount of money laying around, I grab some artists and nab them to make Kingson commissions, thus making a small vault of Kingson art. when I reach an unholy large amount, I'm going to blast @finiffy with it and fucking kill them. one of the people I commissioned said something along the lines of "They are so ketchup and mustard to me" and well. I had to do it.

Bear your tombstone:

The idea for this story was actually the fact that it was supposed to be its own chapter in Francis disturbed, but i got WAY to excited making it to the point I just uploaded it on its own.

Seventeen minutes:

i wanted to autism code kondraki and have others see my vision.

Something New:

I want a story similar to Memory, I am specifically making this in honor of Amones, who has absolutely INCREDIBLE art!!!!!

THEY ARE ALSO MAKING A REALLY COOL VIDEO GAME AKFSJDKLF

tales of a greyhound stranger:

THIS story was inspired by 4231 and personal experience, but not in a sad way. 4231 briefly mentions that Francis rides on the Greyhound, a bus station that's prominent in Europe and America. I also ride greyhound (and will be going partially across country in about a month) and sometimes when you use the bus system, you come across some... REALLY interesting people. I think Francis had a beautiful time traveling and ended up having fun once in a while with others. I think he deserves nice things.

[crittercrossing]

Return from another unannounced hiatus... four years later! With big updates and a blog revival

Well... sometimes, time gets away from you. Anyway, it's Blaze here, and I'm glad to be back.

I've had this pet blog for, I think, 11 years now, and it hasn't been updated in over four years. I left off here pretty early into the start of the pandemic. I didn't mean to abandon the blog with no notice, but life was... like that, and I just didn't have it in me for a while to keep up with taking, editing, and posting photos.

That being said, I'm reviving this blog because I really miss sharing photos and stories about my pets. I realize now how important it is to me to share with the world how much I love these little guys.

So, starting now, I'm going to be regularly posting here again (to the best of my ability) with lots of photos! There will be a good mixture of things that I consider my "real camera photography" and silly phone photos.

I have some brief updates I want to go over here, though there will also be individual update posts on each animal soon.

(Content warning below the cut: pet loss and illness, though not discussed in extreme detail.)

Cats: My best friend, Smokey, passed away in 2021. It's been over three years now, and the pain is still with me every single day. I see now that I was closer to him than to any other animal in my entire life so far. After he passed, Violet was my only cat. I had only posted about Violet a few times when I was last active here, and I have a lot to share about her in her own post. She's probably the second-closest cat friend I've ever had, and I am savoring every single moment I get to spend with her because she has terminal cancer and it is really unclear how much time she has left. Three semi-feral cats appeared, hung around, and then passed away and/or disappeared during the hiatus: Shadow, Artemis, and The Void. Two more semi-feral cats appeared, who are still hanging around and doing very well: Leonard and Tree. Both are pretty tame now, both were neutered, and Tree may very well join me indoors someday. And, though I kind of thought I may never have another house cat for years after losing Smokey, I made two more indoor cat friends in 2021: Dorothea and Ivy. They are lovable disasters and I can't wait to start sharing more about them regularly.

Dogs: Katy, Chevelle, and my mom's dog Holly are all still around and doing moderately well, given that Katy and Holly are now old, and Chevelle is solidly middle-aged.

Chickens: I've lost most of my chickens within the past four years. Jamal, Jesse, Miah, Ezekiel, Sheba, Mahalia, Mykerion, and Jamie are all gone now. JD and Willow are the only two chickens from pre-hiatus that are still around, and both are extremely old, but doing pretty well. I have two new chickens since then, two sons of JD's, named Dominic and Jakob. Having three roosters and one hen is far from an ideal setup, but everyone is getting along relatively well. Additionally, due to my current living situation and my planned near future change in living situation, I'm just not able to get more chickens for the foreseeable future, which I am really sad about. But, I will keep my fingers crossed that someday, I can have chickens again in the future!

Rabbits: I am sad to say that I no longer have any rabbits. Bruce passed away in 2021. In 2020, a few months after the hiatus began, I took in a young rabbit named Jersey. He passed away in 2023. Due to my living situation and other complicating circumstances, I decided that now isn't a good time to have any more rabbits. I love rabbits dearly, and would love to have more in the future.

So, here's to a new future for my silly little blog for my photography hobby and the love I have for these silly little critters.