#but it’s def a good learning opportunity ig

[leviathans-watching]

sitting in a room full of people who are all way more talented than you is kinda wacky

[starjxsung]

brb lemme book a flight so i can come to the u.s and do your nails 🫡🛩️

also omg life update ig butttt ive always dwelled on the fact that im taking an extra year at uni so im there for 5 years instead of 4. when the winter sem ended i went back to the doc where i tracked the credits/coures and other program requirements i had done–and the way i was shocked and had to double check if i was correct with how i was tracking my uni progress cos after this summer sem of taking 3 courses is completed, i'll have 5 courses left of my uni career for the coming fall+winter sem.

so if all goes well then at the end of the winter 2025 sem, i would have completed all my uni degree course requirements so i can apply for graduation. i'll (hopefully) be a uni graduate next year!!

going back to the whole dwelling thing, i focused more on how long i had already been at the school and i was completely blind to the fact that i'm almost done. i was completely blind to the progress i was making, too focused on the past instead of the future ig

but like holy shit i didn't realize i was almost done my uni career and it blew my mind when i did that tracking and rechecked and realized that i really am almost done.

since that whole realization, i've been thinking of what i'm gonna be doing after i graduate and it's still a big ?? but i do know im not going to grad school or anything, my time at uni just further cements the fact that school and i don't mix, i can't sit down and study for hours on end, so going to grad school would just be a waste of time and money. at the same time it'll be the first time where i wont have that school routine of attending class and doing homework which has also got me wondering how my days are gonna look once ive graduated. so ive been thinking about adulting recently and its quite daunting and scary so i try to save those thoughts for when im in my therapy appointments.

but that's my little life update, 🌸 anon is gonna be a uni graduate soon!!!! ~🌸

UNI GRADUATE NEXT YEAR LET’S GOOOOOOOOO IM SO EXCITED OJ MY GODDDMDKDKDJDK

I took 5 years too because so many of my course requirements shifted around when covid hit and everything was virtual. But no shame in it!!!! It was def something I dwelled on when I first realized I was going to be taking a little longer to graduate but now I look back and I’m like whooo cares the important thing is that eventually I graduated ! Completely feel you on missing sight of the fact that you WILL be graduating eventually and you’re so close to it, too! You should be so so so proud of yourself and I’M so so so proud of you!!!!

post-uni life is veryyyyy scary when you first approach it, but it’s so refreshing at the same time. It’s such a good period of time to just learn about yourself and figure out what it is that you want from your life and from your degree. There’s so many opportunities you have with a fresh degree and so much more time to just have fun and meet people and embrace adulthood for the first time without the barrier of school. Definitely scope out what you can do with your degree but remember it’s also a great time to do things for yourself and be happy. Don’t forget you’re just a human being at the end of the day and we’re all trying to make it here ❤️

I love you! And I’m beyond proud of you!!!!! Go get em 🫶💓💘💕💗🩷👼

[dumpster-fire-deluxe]

Good time of day to you, most preeminent rubbish receptacle! I hope this obnoxiously long (1) book rec finds you well, I took my (prescribed) adderall today if it's any consolation lmao

As a fellow palpatine enjoyer, I was wondering if you have read "Lords of the Sith" by Paul S. Kemp? Kemp commits one cardinal sin, in that he uh, he makes Darth Vader run lol, like a lot. He uses the word "sprint" often. But other than THAT, it's stupid good. It's about the early days of the empire and the subjugation of Ryloth.

Both plots are given a similar amount of time and meet together at the end so idfk which is the A plot and which is the B plot, but let's call ryloth's rebellion the B plot, since our sith friends arent in this one til the end.

The A plot? Darth Vader and the Emperor crash land on ryloth (a la RoTS, palpatine even makes a fucking joke about the similarity) in ryloths single jungle, its equatorial (think the amazon for climate, but spread over the entirety of south america for size) with just 2 of palpatines red guards, and all the radios on the whole planet, including imperial transmissions, all of it, are down.

So they're just, stuck there, no help, traipzing through a huge ass old growth forest trying to find "out" with stampede amounts of large bug-like feral carnivorous animals and a small rebellion trying to personally hunt them down (the bug monsters are included in the "personally hunting them down" bit, btw lol)

You get so much insight into how palpatine works, thru his actions, thru how the red guards react to finding out palpatine has the force, what they think of him in general and also through Vader's perspective (pov character), and theres parts throughout where it's clear Vaders being a bit of an unreliable narrator (lol @ him being a reliable narrator) which is always fun, and palpatine's teaching vader darkside lessons and philosophy on their trek, including some excellent zingers and one liners which are v in-character actually, and hes actually participating in the action and violence too, no one but vader and his personal redguard are there so he can use the force willy nilly without having to keep up the weak old man persona and dude goes ABSOLUTELY ham. That robe of his generates ungodly amounts of static electricity, just shocking.

And the A plot, that's Cham Syndulla and his freedom fighters (the characters from the TCW ryloth episodes) and there's twilek/ryl political stuff on the ground and senate levels and theres guerilla warfare and secret missions and theres even spycraft! Really good spycraft!

It's set riiiiight after RoTS, so this is like, the FIRST act of resistance against the Empire. Actually wait, maybe that's why vader keeps running. He hasn't learned he doesn't need to yet, slow learner and all that. I'll downgrade that to a venial sin. But it still displeases me.

It's ~350 pages (8"×4" book, avg paperback size if that helps anyone), but both times I've read it, I finished in under 3 hours, cause its that captivating. It also reads a bit different each time, I noticed new stuff that enhanced the story on ea read, so if you(or followers) have read it already but it was over a year ago, it's def worth it to read again imo.

*****

Medium CW for fatphobia; one of the lady moffs gets compared to a Hutt (only in a few chapters, but its constant in those chapters) and her appearance is spoken about by her direct underling (a pov character) in very, uh, conducive to fascism way. which, apropos ig lol. Hes pretty much the only one doing it tho, like palpatine and vader absolutely have the opportunity to jump in on the fat bashing but neither do.

No wait, palpatine makes fun of orn free taa's appearance, but to my mind it's a 50/50 on whether he was mocking him for being fat or if he was doing a "Jesus this guy sweats a LOT when he's around us, eh vader? Embarrassing for him, huh? Probably thinks he's gonna die. Go ahead and toss him into the bulkhead on your way out I need to make a point later" and the second is more, uh, in character for him, so.

The fact that you're into palpatine of all ppl indicates to me there's probably not a lot of cw's that you'd need, but just incase I wanted to give it cause it's like, very realistic (it's the most realistic part of the damn book, it's star wars lol) and there isn't any warning in the text that its coming. At all. Belkor (pov character) complains about mosquitoes and then goes on a spiel in his head about how fat and gross and gluttonous and lazy his moff is out of fuckin nooooowhere just cause shes in the room now, it's our literal introduction to her character. And I KNOW I have friends that'd be at minimum bothered by that for sure, so, its getting mentioned.

Also by nature of the story being set on ryloth, there's slavery, there's forced sex work, there's a vigilante ex sex worker that murders imperial johns sometimes, for fun. Theres on page drug use, cause its ryloth, the planet where they mine the drugs. But like, nothing about spice remind me of any singular drugs IVE taken (unless you've somehow got access to opium concentrate to mix with some cocaine and a micro dose of lsd lmfao) so i doubt anyones gonna be jonesing for the shit han solo's smuggling if you feel me.

The fatphobia IS jarring though if you're not expecting it, i think Kemp got free reign to be an asshole about her cause shes an imp. He doesnt do it to the other imperials, but i dont think there are other female presenting imperials for him to rub his 2015-era internalized mysogyny all over either.

So, okay, 1 venial sin, 1 cardinal sin that wasnt considered a sin by publishers when the book was written, and probably wouldnt have a hard time going to print today. But (spoilers: but not really, this tells you nothing i could mean anything by this) she gets hers. Also she's a lesbian.

(And no they don't burry their 1 gay if any of your followers want to know before diving in, but also shes not in a relationship it isnt a gay story there's no romance shes just a random fictional facist who likes bush, and its v likely that someone figured they could squeeze a queer in there for brownie points if she was in the bg and a bad guy. She's still a v compelling character tho, and one of the few characters who expirience growth and betters themselves, and good lord the tragic backstory.) Either way id probably hang and that means i say shes cool.

Got it in paperback off thriftbooks for smth like $3, if you/anyone don't have access to a library!

Adderall made me aggressive so you're doing much better on it than I did 😂

and palpatine's teaching vader darkside lessons and philosophy on their trek, including some excellent zingers and one liners which are v in-character actually, and hes actually participating in the action and violence too, no one but vader and his personal redguard are there so he can use the force willy nilly without having to keep up the weak old man persona and dude goes ABSOLUTELY ham

Okay I'm sold I'm gonna read it lmao

The fact that you're into palpatine of all ppl indicates to me there's probably not a lot of cw's that you'd need

Idk why but I laughed so hard at this. "If you're into THAT then you must not be shocked easily". Like, it's so true, I'm known for being stoic or apathetic (I'm the one people confess or vent horrific things to because they know I stay cool as a cucumber). Guess the Palpa-porn was on-brand all along 😂

Thanks for the recommendation! I'd heard of a "Vader-Palpy buddy road trip on Ryloth" book, but I hadn't read it yet. I found the audiobook so this is going to be fun 🎉

[crowstan]

Sanders Sides post except I haven't seen it before

Ok this post is inspired by an absolute flood of Patton and Logan in a skirt, on my Instagram, which was not anything related to any of the dnd or homestuck tags but whatever. That whole mess that happened yesterday inspired this, because as y'all know: I love analyzing things weirdly and what is blogging but analyzing your own thoughts in an odd way? Anyway, spoilers ahead because this is what I've unfortunately been leaked, which means I got this stuff via spoilers.

What is Sanders Sides? So, I actually have no idea and I want to go in bare bones because. I never get to go in with little info. All i know is that it's by Thomas Sanders (he apparently does have a tumblr, I did not look up what it was because, once again, trying to get the barest and best experience I can and I worry that may taint it in some way). All I know about Thomas is that he did vines that I really like and that he has his pronouns in all of his bio's, which so far makes him very ok in my books because I have not met one person who is in any way harmful to others who has their pronouns in their bio. Then again i don't see it often anyway but regardless. And that's literally all I know about him and Sanders Sides, so. Stuff that I have worked together with the unhealthy amount of spoilers I didn't willing get that made me want to make this. -They are all symbolic or are humanoid versions of like, different parts of someone? They're also color coded which my little color coding heart loves sm! There's morality, creativity, creativity #2: electric boogaloo, logic, anxiety, and deciet which may also be denial? not sure about the last bit. -Morality's (moralities?) name is Patton, and his color is light blue. He is the dad character and is bad with any "negative" feelings, which, mood. He is one of the sides i saw in a skirt and may be my favorite possibly, simply bc I Do Not Have Good Male Figures and he's a dad character. Name a better duo than good dad characters and my lack of any positive guys in my life that aren't my age. He's part of the "core four", whatever that means. Really likes animals? I mean that does make sense bc, morality, but also that's different for each person. overall conclusion: now my dad. (/j) -Next up: Anxiety. Name is Virgil (?), color is a shade of purple. Don't know what one bc purple is one of those colors i can't remember too well. Seems like how I imagine my anxiety but a little less focused on death. I would befriend him were in not for the fact I Cannot approach people unless I'm actually dying and even then I can't. Apparently was a "dark side" at some point but now isn't? Redemption ark ig, idk what a dark side is or if it would be equivalent enough with "evil" to have that be a redemption ark. Final conclusion: wait, is that me but cis and let loose in a hot topic? -Creativity #1. Name is Roman, color is red I think. A prince character, and I'm not sure what else to add. I think he is a theatre fan, amd also I would avoid him at all costs because as friendly as he is, we don't have the same vibes and i would panic. Definitely drinks his "respect women" juice, and it's actually "respect women" juice n not whatever the hecc it is that people who /say/ the drink "respect women" juice drinks. he'd go out of his way to make sure your drink doesn't get spiked. this man is hella good, 10/10, would trust but not talk to. -Creativity #2, apparently the brother of Roman? His name is Remus, color is green, and i say this with my full heart: I love him. he seems like the kind of person who barked at people in middle school bc he thought he was a werewolf. who drank an entire bottle of glue in kindergarten at had to go to the hospital and did it again. he's the kind of person who would offer you up a worm and tell you disturbing facts about animals and then go off and play his little games he made up with twisted scenarios. and you know what? that's amazing and i absolutely love that so much. I know nothing about him except he eats deodorant and is the embodiment of intrusive thoughts and "oh god /why/" scenarios you thought of for some reason. -Logic. Name is Logan, ah, really similar to what he represents but I mean, still a very good name. His color is dark blue, aka my favorite color besides dark grey. Really likes jam? I feel like this man has read the dictionary and has "different vocabularies" he uses for different events and people, which may be a self projection but. Def Ravenclaw vibes bc!! hear me out!! not stereotypes!! I feel this man, the literal *embodiment* of logic, would value learning and knowledge which is part of what makes a ravenclaw! so it is not self projection, it is *knowledge* (/hj). that's it, i would absolutely love to debate him sm but i feel like that would be similar to that time i talked about Quadrants with a friend for an hour and they had no idea what was going on at all.

-Last one, deceit/denial. I don't know if he's denial as i got that from a little comic that i thought was funny because it had a pun. His name is Janus (don't know how to pronounce it, been saying it like Jay-Nuhss), and his color is yellow. apparently part snake or something and!! I love snakes. Apparently was in a courtroom at one point, and we all know those are fae territory, so possibly a fae (hj). apparently has multiple arms!! which does not fit in with the snake bit, as snakes have zero arms, but regardless still cool! I know the least about him, and I'm definitely looking forward to watching him!! i love snakes sm.-

moving on from the sides slightly, apparently there's another one, who's color is orange! from someone who vaguely knows about colors but knows enough that each side more or less relates to their color, i have no idea what this side could be! best guess is it's just Thomas in a top hat. I never learned about orange because orange, yellow, some reds, and some blues are very stabby to my eyes and i will get a headache so I just. never learned it. why would i learn about a color i literally can't look at without my eyes hurting? I do know orange is a caution color, and in nature it cam be found on dangerous stuff as a "stay away!" color, and pared with black it doesn't kill my eyes and those are the Halloween colors. So maybe caution? Or some dangerous thing? It doesn't make sense, as those aren't really "sides" in the traditional sense, nor with anxiety being a sort of "caution" thing. Anyway, I would need more info on orange and, depending on how the orange color is, i may react more negatively. Like with blue Christmas lights.

-there are lots of puns!! i love puns!! i don't take the opportunity to make many, but i love them sm. just like snakes! and cats! in fact i actually know a lot about cat behavior

lmao that's literally all i have, I'll go watch the whole series and also talk about that later in smaller posts, each post being one or two episodes depending on how long it is

(ah jeez it got all messed up again, under maintenance!! sorry about that!! the tags got all mixed around too!!)

(update #2: still messed up but I'll need to not use my tablet to fix it, which i can't do rn! sorry y'all :(!! )

[ryo-hirakawa]

thoughts on f3 sochi feature 2021:

before we begin.

and now. let's get started

rip simmons can't even start so he really appeared for one f3 race huh. why did yeany even leave

the circuit's still damp?

JUAN P4

noo lorenzo :(

FILIP'S JUMP OVER THE KERBS that was scary

"they're driving like they won't have to speak to the teams at the end of this" "they'll have to speak to the teams if they want to race next year" bshsgfgdkj dead. fellas can we stay calm!

i kind of like these wide tracks for f3 actually

noo caio :(

alex flew i hope he's fine. and the car too ig it's got some damage

juan vs dennis :fear:

fred fastest lap :)

would love if jonathan gets a first podium tho

dennis getting mugged is a rare sight

rip to roman's car. what's wrong with the hitechs across the board lately anyway

OH SCREAM

DENNIS GOT SPUN ROUND IN ALL THAT BATTLING

victor got sent over the bumps too rip there goes his third in the championship hopes

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING !!! (jack and clem)

"jack don't do this anymore do it for me please" lmaoooo help

comms have a point i don't think trident gets to tell them to not fight. this isn't f1 team orders don't exist they're here for themselves. although i understand the anxiety

jack's being asked to let clem past :o

fred's approaching...oh spicy

dennis brought in to swipe fastest lap...the team strats here are driving me mad its so funny

10s pen for oliver rass

"jack, clem is faster than you, we need to let him by and protect him please" this is some toyota gazoo racing level shit 😭

JACK IS IGNORING HIS ENGINEER HELPPPP

fred's radio is so peppy love it

dennis has swiped the fastest lap bdsfgkh oh god trident pit wall losing their minds rn

breach of article 39.8??

they're investigating his deliberate pit to get fastest lap??? im creasing

ah victor's back nice double overtake

what a save from fred. bad for my heart tho. don't go off again.

PLSSS JACK AND CLEM ARE STILL FIGHTING FR...AND TRIDENT IS STILL TELLING THEM TO STOP

OH MY GOD...FRED GOT PAST CLEM...

you're telling me if jack and clem finished p2 and p3. the teams championship would be exactly level. on points.

oh thank god they've managed to do it! jack and clem hauled ass...against each other...but they've done it and got the teams!

jack makes a lot of points in his speech. but it's sending me that his engineer just went "sorry i don't agree. thank you anyway"

i still find it funny how trident's up there in f3 but flopping in f2

jack's standing his ground even in the interview. he def wasn't happy about being nagged on the radio constantly

fred being all :D while tense undercurrents run between jack and clem. oh boy

clem saying he got fastest lap but "someone" pitted to get it at the end...im in tears they're all so shady

DID THE GUY GIVE THE TEAMS TROPHY TO FRED ACCIDENTALLY BSFGKJS

this was such a good race tho there were moves everywhere

and it's a good learning opportunity for everyone involved actually, about weighing the balance between driver and team, taking risks or being reserved...they'll think on it tonight.

and that's all for f3 :') what fun it has been. loved it.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[bisexualhobi]

One thing someone has said, is that Bighit never really learned how to properly care for their artists (bts specifically) mostly because they were poor and didn’t have the resources but as time passed and bts gained more popularity, well they weren’t prepared for that. And they never learned how to do the “proper” but have been continuously riding the fan support. And I think it’s really true because in the beginning they didn’t know what to do with them or their growing popularity and never really bothered to learn?

One example was BTS’s Instagram, (if they don’t have solo ones honestly who cares it’s not the end of the world) but they rarely use it and they have so many opportunities to promote them to not only inform the fans who are mostly on there but a greater outreach on IG. They could post comebacks, schedules, include links to preorder or presave, pictures of concerts, their online ones, mv teasers, etc. But they so rarely post there. Not everyone is going to go to Twitter. I remember when dynamite and BE came out, fans on other platforms like IG, Tiktok and fb had no IDEA about the comeback. Like bighut really posts it on their Twitter and let’s fans run with it, when they have so much opportunity to do more.

ohh that’s a great point anon. the instagram thing, yeah i had never even thought about it. i mean, it’s still very weird how they don’t have personal insta nor twt accounts but i digress, i’m not gonna argue that’s big hit victimizing them again, who cares about social media clout except for brand reputation obsessed akgaes?

but yeah you hit the nail in the head here: “Bighit never really learned how to properly care for their artists (bts specifically) mostly because they were poor and didn’t have the resources but as time passed and bts gained more popularity, well they weren’t prepared for that. And they never learned how to do the “proper” but have been continuously riding the fan support”

would i want them to sign with another company?? not really, bc as i said there’s no good or better companies it’s all the same shit, literally the same shit. if i HAVE to choose then yeah i’d stay with bh and since bh it is, then i will def analyze and be critical of bh. thank god i don’t ult an sm group because then i would definitely have a heart problem with all the shitty things they do.

[ankcna-blog]

hello guys !! i’m blaire, and i come to you with a VERY belated greeting !! i went to a skz concert a few days ago and as you would expect my life has been flipped upside down ever since !! but now that things are calming down, i’ve got things in order and would like to introduce you to my beloved weirdo kwanchai, more commonly known as dreamdrop’s choreographer KAI ! i’ve wanted to join you all for the longest and can’t wait to have some fun now that i’m finally here ! without further ado, you can find all his links here ( more to come ) as well as some important info about him below ! and of course, like this if you want to plot ! i’ll also be joining the discord very soon, so that’ll be an option too !

background !

from bangkok, thailand ! maybe it’s because of this he’s such a city boy and loves being around people, because that’s basically been his whole life ! in bangkok there were people around nearly all the time and now that he lives in seoul, it’s no different !

like his fc, he’s ethnically chinese but his nationality is thai ! honestly he feels more of a connection to his thai side because it’s the one he’s the most familiar with, though recently he’s been trying to connect with his chinese side. 

grew up around mainly girls, 3 older sisters and one younger ! his dad’s the only boy, but his parents are divorced. they still co-parented pretty functionally, though, so he mainly stayed with his mom and did weekly visits to his dad. he believes the heavy presence of females in his life is the reason he grew up to act a little more conventionally “feminine” and why he has such a high respect for women ! his sisters have always been .... v strong in comparison to him ojoijoijoij so it makes sense why !

his sister is the original dancer of the family, picking up ballet at only 5 years old ! she’s older than him so, wanting to follow in her shoes, he begged his parents to join as well !

his parents were v apprehensive at first, especially his dad, because they weren’t the most progressive and didn’t think a boy dancing ballet looed good. it took some convincing, but eventually they allowed him !

absolutely loved it, would come home dancing nearly every day. once they realized he was really enjoying himself and taking himself seriously he convinced them to add on tap and hip hop classes as well !

always been into american culture, he was always watching shows & listening to music from america, and that transferred into a general interest for the country ! so in high school, he studied abroad for a semester w / a host famiy !

this really helped his english skills and is the main reason he’s so fluent today, which definitely helps with his job ! it’s the reason he sounds less like a foreigner now when he’s speaking.

coincidentally, through america, he found an interest in korean culture ! his host family lived in california, which already was home to a lot of korean spots, but his host sibling was a kpop fan and got him into it ! so when he got back home to thailand he had gained an interest for it.

he started listening to a lot of the music, and at 17 made a very spontaneous decision to send in an audition tape to a company ! ( not noir, a smaller up-and-coming one probably ! )

he was .... incredibly shocked that he’d gotten in, but ecstatic for the chance to do what he loved ! not everyone was quite as ecstatic as him ... mainly his dad who thought his career choice was unfit for the one son of the family.

regardless, he packed up things and moved to korea, where he began to train to become an idol ! contrary to what he’d thought he kind of hated it lmao ! he had a super hard time trying to learn korean initially and didn’t deal too well with the stress of such a cutthroat environment. on top of that, he wasn’t favored by the company and they kept giving other trainees opportunities he didn’t have ! he didn’t like that because he felt he had the personality and drive, they just weren’t willing to take a chance on him. but he really loved the chance to perform alongside other passionate people and learn from them.

so it was a bittersweet moment when, at 18, he terminated his contract. he felt relieved with all that extra pressure off him e but was also sad to no longer be performing. he tried to lie and act like he didn’t to his family but eventually, they found out and his mom sent him back home to thailand. his dad was livid and promised that if he didn’t do something within 2 months to get a job he’d stop helping him out.

kwanchai wanted to keep dancing but still needed a job, so did the best thing he could think of ! a choreographer he’d met in seoul promised him a room in his house if he agreed to fly back to korea and start working as a sort of dance apprentice under him at a studio !

so, going back yet again, he agreed and made one of the best choices of his life ! he got a lot better and not only dance but teaching / choreographing it ! with this, he comfortably began to adjust to the country and learned a lot !

the more he was there, the more he realized how much he enjoyed choreographing ! his friend gave him the chance to begin creating dances from the studio and it was then he decided he wanted to do it as a career !

he didn’t want to feel like a burden at his friend’s for so long, so it was then he decided to apply for a job at noir as a choreographer, hoping to save up and buy his own place. he applied unsure if he’d really get it due to his short experience, but was ecstatic when he did !

the whole thing has proved to be one of the best choices of his life - he’s got a steady job that’s very fulfilling, he saved up enough for an apartment, and he gets to dance while maintaining the level of freedom he’d craved as a trainee !

personality / random tidbits !

his app summed it up well, he’s incredibly eccentric ! he’s just different in nearly every way and if told to do something one way, he’ll probably do it the other. 

his name is kwanchai, but ever since he was 17 he’s gone by kai, a shortened version of his full one ! it’s because it not only easier to pronounce for koreans but to his many american friends as well, and honestly it makes him feel less out of place as it’s a fairly universal name !

he’s super talkative, inherited from his sisters, but in turn is a very good listener ! so you’ll catch him either ranting about all his problems or listening to someone else doing the same.

naturally, he’s very fun and excitable ! rarely takes anything seriously, that is .... unless he’s dancing ! typically when teaching he likes to crack jokes and such to make the experience fun, but if it’s crunch-time he does a whole 180. when he has to he takes dancing very seriously, sometimes maybe even too much ! he may come off as controlling but in reality he’s just very passionate and a true perfectionist in terms of technique. 

speaking of dancing, seeing him do it is quite an amusing sight ! kind of like j-hope he’s always making noises when he does it, and always has some sort of noise or word that correlates with his dance move ! def the type to say “and jazz hands !!”

maybe it helps, maybe it sounds stupid ! but since he has such a horrible memory it does tend to help him out a lot.

his hair right now is dyed, and the best reference i can give you is the john’s banana video lmao !! he keeps it pretty short to keep it out his face when he dances, and tbh his hai is a different color all the time !

he has a food blog, “rate what i ate”, where he does food reviews for restaurants ! it’s really fun for him because he loves to eat and has a very strong opinion on nearly everything. muses feel free to come eat with him, he’ll never say no to a dining buddy !

aside from that he has general social media and an ig where he posts short dance covers ! thinking about starting a yt cover channel.

coffee is his everything. he’s got a horrible sleep schedule, staying up late and having to wake up early ! but coffee is the one thing that gets him through, and no matter what time of the day he can always be found with his favorite cup in his hand.

remember how his app said power poses ? well it’s something kai actually does ! every morning and before doing something important he stands in a power pose for 5 minutes, saying affirmations rather dramatically. that alongside his guided meditation obsession makes kai in the morning time quite the amusing sight.

he has a black bombay cat affectionately named luna ! she’s his daughter whom he loves very very much and would die for. a total sweetheart who will accept all love, muses feel free to pet !

even though he’s fairly happy somewhat out the spotlight, he still has the idol mentality, and definitely has the whole charming personality thing going on ! he’s a whole personality and it’s almost a sin he didn’t become a talkshow host, but i assume he’d have a small following because of it ! not dreamdrop level of course, but a little bit of recognition !

that’s all i can thin of right now, that and i don’t want to keep you all waiting for this intro for too long ! i’ll add more as i see fit, and again, i can’t wait to meet you all !

[soofection]

jenkai discourse in retrospection

 (long post)

to take a slightly more light hearted break from all the updates regarding the burning sun case, I propose a discourse of jxk in retrospection after gaining all the new knowledge exposed by the media recently

dont read if you dont want to, if you read please dont come attack me for posting what I want on my own blog 🥰

In no way is what I type facts, and I am NOT comparing burning sun case with jxk (jxk is so insignificant and jxk is not a criminal case) yet I will make references to what the media and companies are capable of doing as proven by the exposure from the b. sun case regarding similar behaviours.

---

we now know that the kpop world is not what some once thought - an ideal fairytale land where idols/ the media never lie to us.

The truth:

We finally realize for sure that in korean ent. industry, sexual favours (in exchange for sponsors, promotion via media manipulation, basically fame and safety), offering prostitutes services... all in all using SEX is commonly used in return for connections / power / protection from the 'higher ups'.

why did jxk happen?

I propose: to cover yg x jni sex/sexual activities and jni has sponsors rumours (updated). After knowing yg is to a certain degree (personal assumption: large extent) involved in B.Sun and gangnam clubs, it makes sense to suspect that the jni rumour could be real. look up yg's past history, how he obtained his wife (emphasis, obtain). 12 years older yg 'fell in love' the moment he saw his wife as a second year middle school girl, recruited her at 16, ruined her career and married her. who knows how exactly yg treats his younger girl employees? Who is there to protect them?

but its just a 'groundless' rumour why was yg desperate?

to propose reasons: 1) it could be real, if so he HAS to camouflage it before it blows up further. 2) even if its not real, he didnt want to put bp's and his own name's reputation at stakes since bp is his most money earning group right now 3) if he doesnt make a deal with dispatch, who ofc are capable of digging deeper and they hate yg (proven by their ability to obtain kkt chats and exposing b.sun evidences) to supply them a fake scandal to cover ygxjni... dispatch WILL expose him. (also keep in mind jni has other sponsor rumour that might or not be true). and 4) - suggested by anon: yg could be taking precautions before b.sun scandal blows up. As we know b.sun revolves around sex crimes, Yg must get rid of the 'boss had sex with employee' label before b.sun blows up. Or else he will get dragged, it would be like adding oil on fire.

this theory is reinforced by allshitpop stating a media outlet discriminately announced 'the yg x jni rumour was false.' why purposefully mention it when no one asked?

but why ji?

main reason: hes an artist from sm. Yg desperately needed a scandal impacting enough to satisfy dispatch (releasing small unconvincing sandals will discredit dispatch's liability and reputation. ) But what to do when none of yg's male artists are popular enough to create a fuss nor any male groups's careers mature and stable enough to withstand the scandal pressure from the general public? the obvious solution is ofc to beg other big companies - sm or bighxt.

Most popular boy groups atm is still btx and ekso. honestly yg wouldve prefered btx due to their crazy fame, and jni will be their first dating scandal... the reactions would be DRAMATIC. yet in contrast to ekso, btx didnt really need to take that risk in hopes for more popularity. (rmb there would always be adverse effects when being involved in a dating scandal despite positive reactions and large no. of supporters). Also, even if btx has any scandals to cover, bighxt's recent merge with cj-enm (described as 'a powerhouse' aka very huge powerful company) means btx's any potential scandals can be taken care of for now. so that leaves ekso.

Who in ekso fits ji's image the most?

(hence will recieve 'positive' reactions and make them more aesthetically believable. without a doubt, its ji and his on going promoted sex appeal.) Reasons for ji and not other members: 1. theres no harm in giving him a beard (personal belief, ignore point 1. if you think homosexuality/kaisoo pairing isn't plausible) 2. to raise his popularity for his potential upcoming solo. 3. if someone who was involved in dating scandal before came up again, they probably predicts the pairing to be more positively recieved --> more supportors and a more hyped response from the public.

but none of that happened, the scandal was managed poorly. The paris evidence was made in a rush (dates didnt match) park pictures were too ambiguous (again dates and time didnt match), even when dispatch posted a pic of ji in a carpark supposedly came back from hawaii to give jni presents after landing - we learned from ji's own ig live that the day he wore the outfit in the photo, he had already returned to korea a few days ago, was around town shopping and went no where near the airport. Besides these failed attempts there was absolutely no other proof that jxk is real.

why was it poorly managed?

bc this is a rare collab between two big rival companies. Yg was the one begging at the start yet sm wasnt able to take full control of this scandal. Conflicts and disagreements upon makng many decisions were highly likely to occur between these two rivals.

The break up

a lot of fans were shocked when jxk broke up just after 25 days. (brand new record). what else is weird?

sm personally confirmed jxk broke up abruptly. Usually when couples break up, fan rumours start to float around first. But not this time, no rumours surfaced yet sm all of a sudden definitively stated that jxk broke up. Back then I already predicted it maybe because yg or bp got into trouble hence sm wanted to distance themselves as far as possible. I still stand by that idea.

Sm must get away from yg and b.sun case for the sake of theirs/ekso's reputation. sm def dont want to be dragged into the mess. Remember, sm as a huge company themselves def have their own dirt to hide, getting dragged means huge consequences if the investigators target them.

so why did sm agree in the first place? I assume its bc altho sm knew that yg had dirt to hide, they did not know it was something as serious, severe and big as b.sun case / tax evading case. Therefore, what are the coincidences that sm announced breakup shortly before dispatch sparked reinvestigation into b.sun by posting crucial evidences? (the first chats)

its highly possible that dispatch warned sm, (which makes them sound like the good guys but no. remember sm is dispatch's source of money and partnered with them many times. b.sun indeed aint directly related to sm, (as for now) dispatch has no reason to ruin sm) Or, sm could have found out through other sources that b.sun case will blow up soon. they quickly cut their collab with yg early, and announced break up probably without telling yg first. (since telling them possibly means giving dispatch away).

this also suggests that dispatch hates yg but anyway.

The benefits of ji

Comparing the two, jni seems to be the one who gained more from the scandal. She got most of media and the public's attention. there is an explanation for this - shes the 'rookier' one, and the trendier one out if the two since bp is still rising when ekso has reached their plateau. However, ji did gain his own lesser share of attention (indicated by the gained followers on his ig).

I have always said that when idols agree to be involved in a scandal, they are likely to get a 'reward.' but now thinking about it, agreeing to scandals is part of ji's contract, rewards are bonus but not obligations. Besides, the scandal itself supposedly helps ji gain popularity for solo and gains a beard, sm didnt NEED to give him more bonus. Often when idols get more modelling jobs / solo etc after scandals is bc sm uses the risen populairty from scandal as an opportunity to maximise profit by giving them more jobs, it might not be bc sm wants 'pamper' them.

Plan cut short

unfortunately for ji who is not getting his solo soon, the jxk plan flopped due to poor management, and was cut short due to b.sun case. The scandal did not fulfill what it was supposed to do and ended prematurely . Followed by the apparent troubles in sm negotiating contract terms with ekso, (delayed ekso schedules),chxn suddenly getting a solo, and the blowing up of b.sun case, ji might have missed his chance again. Or hes simply still preparing.

to summarize i want to clarify a few things.

- none of these are facts, but an overall picture forming one huge speculation.

- I dont try to defame bp or shame them. i also am not trying to state that girl artists def had sex with the hihgher ups. b.sun has shown us that men always have more power over women, and they rarely get protection.

- I want people to realize the dark side of kpop. The kpop industry is full of conspiracies, media manipulation and lies. What you see on tv is not who your idols are portrayed to be on camera. Don't impose your ideal vision on them and hurt others when reality suggests otherwise.

side note: this theory conveyed reinforcement to statements I've made before

- conspiracies are real and true. Look at all the dark and shady events involved in b.sun case

- media play, mass manipulation exist and are common practice.

- dispatch and sm collab and are partners on a case by case basis.

- idols lie on interviews all the time, their tv persona is different from the real them.

- companies offer protection for their idols

- it is indeed common practice to use one scandal to cover another

ANYTHING can happen in the world of the k ent industry. dont lightly dismiss any possibilities. We must analyse the sum of the situations - the full picture of any events before believing anything we are told.

[zackhq-blog]

well hello !! you just saw me yesterday, but this time i’m coming at you with my second muse !! now look - i told myself i wasn’t going to have two, but he came to my mind after creating chunja and i loved them both too much to choose !! so without further ado, i present to you my complete opposite actual baby zachary “zack” choi !! he’s in kdi & has way too much going on. but anyways you can click here for his profile, and under the cut is some info on him, i tried to make his shorter, i swear !! and i forgot to say on her’s, but like this if you’re interested in some plotting !! i can’t wait to interact with you all.~

his full name is zachary taeho choi, taeho being his korean/middle name ! but he hates zachary because it’s so formal and he definitely is not - so zack is both his stage name and preferred name since practically...always !!

so !! his story actually begins in la, california. his parents split shortly after he was born so while he sees his dad from time to time, his mom has been the main one supporting him both financially & emotionally, so she’s really his only active parental figure ?? 

this is a big reason why he’s so maternal and emotionally transparent ?? the toxic masculinity just didn’t pass over to him bc his mom always taught him how to be in tune with his emotions, embrace them, and just to care for everyone freely !! which is a big reason why he’s so affectionate now. 

he’s a second gen korean american and was raised by a pretty american mom !! his parents never learned korean and therefore didn’t teach him, which is why he struggled so much to adjust when he got here !

also the only child, so if you wonder why he’s always so eager around the kdi boys and referring to them as his brothers - there you go !! he always wanted siblings !!

totally irrelevant fact but he was such a skater boi back in la and will kill for a chance to show some of his tricks nowadays !! he’s just like....begging someone to ask him to skate lmao !! but since he doesn’t really have the chance now he just rolls around in his hoverboard because he is a legitimate child !

but look - this boy has aaaalways loved to rap and sing. way before so!ar, kdi, any of it ! his mom loves music too, and he grew up surrounded by it in la, so quickly grew attached to it ! also loves attention, which just meant he was a little performing machine wherever he meant !! i’m saying dancing down the grocery aisles at five years old to grocery store music type of extra everyone

but his interest for kpop didn’t really peak until later on ! he tried out for a middle through high performing arts school when he got to the 6th grade ! fun fact he performed look at me now and they thought he was a joke rip...but what got him in was singing stereo hearts !! don’t you love the early 2010s everyone

anyways he got in for singing !! and there was just like ... a wave of kpop stans wanting to be like idols there !! at first he was really put off & a little weirded out because he’d never been into it but !!

for a showcase these girls performed a kpop song ( the boys if you were curious sksk ) and baam !! he went down this endless kpop rabbit hole which hasn’t ended to this day.

 so he basically his love for kpop transferred into his love for korean culture ! he wanted to know more about his origins, so got into the language, history & all that. so around this time was when he contemplated traveling to the country ! but never expected to move there, or anything. 

it was only right before christmas of his junior year did things start to change !! news about online video auditions for so!ar spread in his school like a w i l d f i r e. but zack really knew he wasn’t that good of a singer in comparison to his other classmates, and didn’t expect anything out of it !! but he did feel a lot more comfortable in his rap skills, so took a risk and rapped as his primary skill !

so you could imagine this boy was...confused af when he got called back !! he hadn’t even told his mom about it, or really anyone so that they wouldn’t get their hopes up. he hadn’t expected for it to go anywhere and now that it had...he didn’t really know what to do ! 

but when he eventually got around to telling is mom ?? she was soso excited !! she was basically .... a failed musician as a teen sksks, so she was happy to see her son have a real shot at fame. so zack was kind of like - wait slow down what’s going on ?? but she was like book the flight to korea !! right now !!

initially, the plan was for him to go for his in-person audition then spend the rest of winter break in korea with his mom, but that didn’t really work because he was chosen & given the shot to train as long as he could start right away ! he ... hadn’t expected to make it that far at all and was really at a loss of what to do since he had a whole life in la !

but after talking to his mom for a bit, she basically told him the story of how she missed out on opportunities & felt unfulfilled, so at a point he was kind of just like fine !! let’s do it !! and started the move there.

everything was fine at first - he got enrolled in a korean school, he was having fun working toward his dream, and his mom was staying nearby in an air bnb, but the move was temporary, and after a month she had to return to the states. that was when things got really hard, and really real for zack. he was only 15 at the time, barely knew any of the language, and his only family were aunts and uncles he’d barely met. it was a really rough patch in his move & probably when he was visibly the saddest !! 

def considered moving back many times at this point to just feel happy again, since he had such an attachment to his old life !! but the friends he’d made made things a lot easier !

at first when he was placed in kdi he didn’t know what to expect - they had this delinquent type image to them, and zack being the babiest person ever didn’t know if he could fit it !!

and at first, he was really awkward, trying to work as well in the rougher concepts as he did the cute ones. but nowadays he’s gotten a lot better and his rap skills have helped a lot with him gaining duality, something he’s now known for !!

 now for some tidbits on him !!

he’s got two fan nicknames - the meme king, which he technically gave himself on a vlive because this toddler will not stop referencing memes & vines !! and the last is zenergy, because he’s always at two extremes - either passed out sleep on the couch, or up and bouncing off the walls !! there’s no in between !!

suuuper affectionate !! sometimes it can come off as overbearing but i swear he means well. he just got a lot of love during his childhood and feels like he should pass it on !! like if someone’s teasing and is like “awww you love me !!” he’s like “yeah of course ??” also means he depends on people a lot for attention & overall validation ! just.... a whole softie when it comes to that okay

also i must mention he willingly ships himself with everyone ??

but on the other hand, a very closeted very shy/panicked bi !! like if he thinks a guy’s being serious and flirting with him ? he will freeze ! he’s just not used to the idea & just really is figuring his feelings out. but he stays having unexpected crushes because he’s a lovebug so oh well ! this is something he’ll probably struggle with for a bit, but that’s what development’s for, folks !

a whole ass momma’s boy ! he loves her with his whole heart, especially since she sees how hard she worked to support the two of them ! he has a rough time being away from her, but you can catch him facetiming her everyday !!

also v chivalrous ?? his mom would beat his ass if he didn’t use manners so you can catch him opening doors, pulling chairs back for people, all that ! a lot of people seem to think that’s all fanservice but no...he literally Cannot not do it !!

oh and his duality is a little shocking ?? but like i said before, it’s been something he’s had to work on. he struggled a lot at first especially since his korean pronunciation wasn’t up there, so it was hard for him not to be so focused on that ! but now that he’s more confident in his skills it’s easier to play up their concepts for cameras, so he can definitely switch it up for cameras nowadays ! but...turn them off and he’s a baby lamb all over again everyone

he can be very lazy ! has all the ambition but none of the energy. if he doesn’t want to do something, he can put up a whole fit about it, so kdi members beware !! just put him in his place, he’ll get over it sksksk

relating to that, he respects his kdi hyungs a lot !! you have to remember he was a true baby when he came to korea to train, so he depended on them & other trainees a lot. he hasn’t forgot that and nowadays would do anything for them ! therefore takes their opinions very seriously and is just...a baby around them !

but @ the future kdi maknae: he may swear he’s baby, but he also swears you’re his child !! 

a major kpop stan nowadays !! like past him wouldn’t believe it ?? a huge gg stan especially, and he’s learning all the new dances everyday !!

still in the honeymoon phase lowkey...? like he can’t even believe he’s famous !! it still comes as a shock for him, and therefore he reacts to nearly all “omg you’re so famous i love you !!” fans with a “thanks ig?? i’m literally just zack but ok”

he does want to explore other entertainment fields eventually, especially variety & music production !! 

also remember how i said he loves vines ?? yeah my ask message on the main wasn’t for nothing ! he reenacts the zack stop vine nearly everyday folks

alright this is long let’s move to wanted connections ! i think that’s all anyways ?? if not i’ll add more later ! but for now, let’s go !!

wanted connections

best friends !! please give zack someone stupid to act out with ok

someone who helped him adjust to korea when he first got here & took him under their wing !! maybe they’ve developed a sibling type relationship ?

a grumpy muse who he’s always trying to cheer up & make happy !

maybe another foreign muse to share his stuggles with ?? i don’t know if there are other la muses but if so childhood friends are an option !

he would 100% goof off with all the staff so whenever they get some staff he’d love to get kdi into some mess with them !

the one person who he just really doesn’t like ??

cute little crushes !!

language exchange buddies ?? it doesn’t have to be just korean !

someone he really looks up to & adores !!

a partner in crime - they’re always sneaking out the dorm, going thrill seeking and just having fun together !

frenemies !!

i’ll add more as i think of it !

[ogbellarke]

(i took this from @ vesselofink on ig)

this was supposed to be a 'work on your wip and answer a question a day' type thing, but we'll instead use these questions to distract us from our wips!

1. what is your current word count? around 34k

2. what’s the basic summary of your wip? a girl discovers she’s an enhanced human after her father is murdered so she joins a secret group that is after those who killed her father and who plan kill more like her.

3. what is your title? calling the cavalry :)

4. who’s your favourite character? how are they introduced? my favs are the core five lol they’re all written to be likeable. and they’re all introduced in the first three chapters.

5. your favourite ship in your wip? the romantic subplot and the secret couple, don’t wanna spoil lol

6. what’s the biggest mistake your mc has ever made? i’m actually not sure yet, i’m not too deep in backstories yet but she’s an icon in the present

7. what/who inspired you to write? my very first work was inspired by a dream that wouldn’t leave me alone. but for this work, it was actually that taylor lautner movie where he finds out his parents aren’t his real parents and he has to go on the run with lily collins from a bad organization lol

8. most underrated character? her name is noa cantillo and if i ever publish, she’ll be considered the most underrated, i’m sure of it.

9. favourite lines? with or without context. “we still have too much life to live.” “even drunk you talk like a scientist.” “don’t think this means anything.” “i like jello.” “don’t tell me i’m going soft again just because i’m proud of you.”

10. create a moodboard/aesthetic for your mc. first one for my main, savannah and second one for the wip itself

11. what is your mc’s fondest moment? when she graduated and walked across the stage as her dad whistled and clapped louder than anyone with the biggest smile on his face.

12. songs that remind you of your wip and/or favourite characters? young god by halsey, somewhere only we know by keane, nothing’s gonna hurt you baby by cigarettes after sex

13. do you enjoy torturing your characters? lol no omg but sometimes it’s necessary.

14. what is your mc most afraid of? oblivion, disappointing her dad, failure to bring an end to the bad guys

15. secret talents of your characters? with the enhanced beings that most of them are, they have a faster metabolism, super speed and strength, skin pliability, and quicker regeneration. but idk about like legit secret talents yet

16. if your book had the opportunity to be turned into a media, would you take it? who would be casted as who? oh fuck yes omg that’s what’s keeping me going--the possibilty of a movie. and laurel thoma, xavier serrano, marina laswick, tessa thompson, and michael b jordan are my core 5 face claims so

17. what are some basic moral and general beliefs your mc has? she’s an atheist, first of all. she believes in second chances. she has a real good moral compass and always fights for what’s right and for those who cannot protect themselves

18. how did your characterws find out the tooth fairy doesn’t exist? savannah found out at 14 when her dad decided she was old enough. kit was a foster kid so he never got that experience. same with tate. heidi woke up to her mom putting a loonie under her pillow at 9 and was traumatized. and grey decided at 5 that he was too old for that ‘baby stuff’.

19. which character of yours has the best name? oooo, i love my main girl savannah natalia moreno (fun fact her first name was orginally natalia but 20k words in i decided i liked savannah better.) but arlington samuel reed and beckett alfred greystone are also winners lol

20. who is your least favourite oc? the villain lol gotta read to know who that is

21. teaser! post a snippet of your wip. here’s a three paragraph entry to learn how no-bullshit my main sav is :)

Grey turned to her, standing up straight with his arms crossed. If Sav were honest with herself, she’d admit the guy kind of scared her. “Excuse me,” he began with a low voice, “I'd like to advise you to watch your tone.” 

She understood how vital Grey was here, but he was no authority figure of hers, and ever since she was little, her father taught her not to let people walk all over her. She was emotional, and she spoke her mind when she got upset. 

“Excuse me, but I saw my father killed in front of my own eyes, I was chased from my home in freaking sweatpants, shot at, picked up by strangers, shot at some more, and now I'm told I’m being targeted by some secret organization that's been out to kill me since birth! I think I'm entitled to a bit of leeway right now, don't you?”

22. what are some representations your wip has? (gender, lgbt, poc, disabilities, etc) of the 12 main characters, 6 of them are women, 9 of them are lgbtq+, 8 of them are poc, and as for disabilities--there’s a character with half-deafness, one with a prosthetic arm, and another with a prosthetic leg. also the main character has ptsd.

23. is your wip a stadnalone or part of a series? honestly, it could be a series if i got my shit together. i’ve written two endings already, one of which closes it completely, the other opens it to a sequel so we’ll see

24. which character goes through the biggest change throughout the story? def the main girl. she starts out as a regular college student and ends so strong and powerful.

25. who knows about your wip or interest in writing? do they help/support you? only my fam and a few friends know about my writing at all, but as for this book, my girl @harpermiller who i love very much lets me rant and send snippets and ask questions all the time

26. annoying habits your characters have? heidi is a know it all, kit is almost annoyingly loving, tate is real closed off and even those closest to her don’t know much about her, grey doesn’t let his emotions show which makes it hard for people to help him.

27. what’s the last three lines you wrote for your wip? with or without context. no context!

Sav supposed this was their now or never moment. She knew she loved Kit Torres--she just didn't know in what way. Sometimes it felt completely platonic, other times Kit would give her a look that grew butterflies in her stomach.

28. are any characters based off people you know in real life through looks, personality, or habits? i suppose tate is kind of like a side of me no one knows. and kit gives me grant ward vibes sometimes. but other than that, no.

29. what’s a ship that could never happen in your wip? who and why? almost anyone with grey because he’s their leader and mentor. 

30. what’s your goal word count? like 60-100k honestly i just wanna finish it lol

tag 5 peeps to keep it going. pick a wip and get crackin: @nillle @harpermiller @trashy-greyjoy @biondebeauties @holy-captain

[unproduciblesmackdown]

weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably. 

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

[yungtal333]

  Hello beauties,

And welcome back to my blog!

Before we read this interview; let’s get centered by focusing on our breathing.

Take one deep breath in…. hold it for 4 secs.

Now slowly release it out your mouth for 4 more secs.

***You can repeat this exercise as needed. 

Now onto today’s post.

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday is formerly known as ‘Woman Crush Wednesday’ or #WCW.

Here on Roseconnexa; Wednesday is for our #INSPOBAE feature!

Because she is our woman crush everyday.

Today, I’m bringing you a beautiful, smart and talented young lady.

She has been inspiring and influencing since like…. forever.

Not only is she a beauty but, she is also very creative.

And, she’s deeper than meets the eye. 

She recently started to pursue one of her God-given talents; Makeup artsy. 

So, of course I had to support her and, share her with you all.

Tune in and get inspired by this week’s #INSPOBAE.

Here is my interview with Roseconnexa’s #INSPOBAE of the week:

Amber aka @secretsthatsell

Hey Amber,

Thank you for joining me today on Roseconnexa.

Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

My name is Amber. I’m 24 years old. I’m originally from Orlando, Florida however I just recently moved to Atlanta, Georgia mid August. I work full-time as a Customer Service Specialist for Comcast (which I’m hoping will soon change). God willing, I’m praying that in the next 6 months to a year, I’ll be able to do makeup professionally full-time. I’m also hoping to one day own a cosmetics line.

What do you want your legacy to be?

I really want to be remembered as someone who was always honest. I think the most influential people and greatest teachers in our lives are the ones who don’t sugarcoat anything and just give us the raw honest truth whether we’re receptive to hearing it or not. Most times, we often shy away from those who “tell us about ourselves” but 9 times out of 10, it’s exactly what we need to hear.

Makeup is def a talent of yours. What inspired you to pursue it as a career/part-time?

I’ve always had a love for makeup! I’ve actually been doing makeup since I was 13. Crazy thing is, for a long time I didn’t think my work would be profitable. For the longest; my mom, sister, friends and other relatives would tell me how good I was and I just kind of brushed it off. I did makeup sporadically through college but I still wasn’t fully confident in my work. Until recently, I did a photo shoot and it kind of ignited my flame to start doing it again.

What are some of your makeup tips/secrets?

A good skin regimen and lots of water! The first step to a flawless application is taking care of what’s underneath FIRST!

You’re very fashionable. What’s your process of putting a look together?

Thank you! 🙂 But my process for putting a look together is simple, I like to be comfortable first and foremost. I’m the self-proclaimed cozy girl, haha. If you’re not comfortable in a fit, you’re not going to be confident. I prefer overall tonal and monochromatic outfits.

What motives you and keeps you inspired from day-to-day?

In my head, I’m already a mom at heart. I’m always preparing and planning ahead for my future kids. Most decisions and life choices I make now are contingent upon how I want their life to be.

Do you have any advice for young ladies who struggle being creative?

My advice to any female struggling with creativity is to get out of your own head! Creativity is literally all around you, if you just take the time to notice it. I find most of my creativity from other women.

What’s your #1 beauty secret?

My number one beauty secret is highlighter and lots of it! If there’s anything I get compliments on is my glow honey! Trophy Wife by Fenty is my favorite.

What’s the best advice that you have ever received?

I’ve received so much good advice, LOL. But the best advice I’ve ever received is get out of your feelings. Feelings are fleeting. Most times I choose to ignore how I feel because one moment I can feel one way and then the next second, I can feel the complete opposite. If I went off every feeling I had, I wouldn’t even get out of bed most days. Because quite frankly, I don’t ever feel like going to work or to the gym. But it has to get done, so get out your feelings!

What’s next for you?

Well I’m hoping to continue to grow my clientele in Atlanta and then eventually quit my 9-5. I have so many different gifts and talents, God has blessed with me. I just pray he continues to guide my steps and bless the work of my hands.

Thank you again Amber.

This was a great interview and I got so many great takeaways from you.

It’s so adorable that you consider yourself a mom already. I can understand how having that mindset can motivate you. I think we should all adopt that mindset. My thinking is that we should always do something that will better our next generation and the generation after that. This keeps me motivated and committed to becoming a doctor. I want my kids and my future grandkids to want for nothing. So, becoming a doctor and, entrepreneur is my way doing that. 

Feelings are fleeting! I love that advice. I can be overly emotional at times. And, I had to learn to control my emotions. You can either run your emotions or let them run you! It’s def a practice though. I had to become aware and, understand my emotions first. Mediation helps with that! My strongest emotion would have to be anger. I use to lash out really bad but, now I try to sit in it. I try toobserve my feelings; rather than just lash out and, regret it later on. Like you said, we can feel one way and, in the next second we can feel the complete opposite. So, don’t hold onto your feelings to firmly. Get out your feelings but, feel your emotions when they arise.

I love what you want your legacy to be. Not too many can be completely honest with themselves let alone with others. I respect that you want to be known for your honesty. I def. get that vibe from following you for so long and from reading your tweets too! I love your tweets by the way!! 🙂

I’m wishing you the best in your future endeavors. I’m super excited and happy that you started to pursue your talent professionally. You have a skill with makeup brushes for sure and you are very creative. I see nothing but opportunities and great blessings heading your way. Looking forward to watching it all unfold for you.

Thank you again Amber for joining me today on Roseconnexa.

You can follow Amber on IG and Twitter @secretsthatsell <— Just click the link!

You don’t want to miss her intellectual tweets nor her gorgeous pictures.

Plus her vibe is truly beautiful.

I love following her! And, you will too. 

Check out some of Amber’s work!

Amber’s makeup page is @inmymakeupbaggg <—- Just click the link!

If you are in the ATL area and looking for a dope MUA then hit Amber up!

Her work speaks for itself. You won’t be disappointed ladies. 

And, tell her I sent you!

If you like this post then check out last week’s #INSPOBAE feature. Just click here to read!

Oh, and check out Amber’s sister; Diamond’s #INSPOBAE interview with me. Just click the link. If you love Amber- I’m sure that you will love her boss babe of a sister Diamond. I guess phenomenal and inspirational women run in their family. 

Thank you to all our visitors today!

We appreciate you for taking the time to stop by Roseconnexa to read this dope interview.

*****If you have someone who inspires you and that you want to get to know better; then send me their name below. It can literally be any lady. I promise that I will try my best to get that interview for you. 

As always dolls,

If you like this post—->

Like it,

share it,

comment below

and, follow my Blog!

You Can Also Follow Me on Social Media:

Twitter: @roseconnexa

Instagram: @troiiiii_

Tumblr: @roseconnexa

Until next time….

Stay Happy, Grateful and Aware. xoxo

With love,

Troi. 

    #INSPOBAE Self-taught MUA and CEO of ‘In My Makeup Baggg’ Amber. Hello beauties, And welcome back to my blog! Before we read this interview; let's get centered by focusing on our breathing.

[piancapink-blog]

Hi Amores! 

So I’m sharing some insight from my reflection time this week, please bear with me lol, I’m def going somewhere with this one. This week, a friend made me reflect on the difference between the judgments we make about people, how we tend to label them, and the difference between accessing someone’s behavior, judging them and/ or labeling them. Firstly, by definition, a judgment lays down the gavel on someone and labels WHO they are as “this or that”, whereas an assessment by definition is simply an observation of a behavior or action of a thing or person. To some people, this is semantics, but it really isn’t, because people change every day, and sometimes people stay the same, and sometimes they don’t. In fact, those of us who believe in the God that makes all things new every day, according to His word, often have to or need to leave space for people to change, evolve or heal even if their behavior is hurting us, or has hurt us in the past. I’m reflecting on this, because often times I have to constantly check myself on whether I’m making judgments or assessments of a person or thing, and that reflection often times leads to an awareness of something either negative or positive about myself. 

It is said, that God says to, “protect your heart amongst all things, for it is the well-spring of life”. I so strongly believe this to be true. How many times have we been heartbroken or let down not only by others but by our own behavior and our lives have been completely changed by it? Or how many times have we trusted the wrong people, only to be betrayed over and over again? Or how many times have we allowed people into our mental or physical space, and have been used and taken for granted, or our vulnerability and graciousness were used against us in our darkest times? How many times have we opened up to people who are were committed to misunderstanding us behind our backs, yet have portrayed love and kindness straight to our faces? How many times, have we unknowingly been our own worst enemy, despite our good intentions and taken on the role of the victim for longer than we should have, just not to look in the mirror and see the reflection of our own darkness? 

All of this causes mental and emotional trauma, and trauma takes a lot of time to heal because the science of our biology builds up so many internal defense mechanisms just to survive and push forward, without ever seeming to break in the eyes of others; that it’s hard for some to even know they have an issue or hurt other beyond words, or even take the time to get better, because let’s be real… Healing HURTS! The thing is that time is very unforgiving, it keeps going, and it tells all truths and waits for no one. This is a reality and law of life. 

I’m not big on judging people, as I’m often misunderstood myself and I always find it easier to rid myself of my anxiety if I understand others instead of judging them; but I believe that it is wise to call things and behaviors as they really are today, in the present, even if that’s not what will always be. If not, I/we will fall prey to being eaten alive by the toxicity of others, and of our own. When we don’t hold ourselves and other people accountable for allowing and accepting bad behavior, we become traumatized by the pain, hurt and confusion it causes. Some things happen for a reason, some unfair cards are dealt at times, but most of the things that happen, are because of the decisions we make. So it’s always the healthier option to look within and reflect on the lessons or purpose of the experience than it is to find out WHY others do what they do, or focusing on the problem, issue or pain, than the solution and path toward healing. Everything can be a learning experience if we allow it to be, even the bad and unfair things, and the more we learn, the more abundantly we live from the inside out. Once we heal and go from a victim to VICTORIOUS, only then can we see the lessons from our failures and the failures of others. 

We all need someone, or each other to get through, no one is an island and if they are people that are, it’s because they chose to be. SUPPORT SYSTEMS ARE EVERYTHING! We are only alone in our minds, but often times when we step outside of ourselves, can we look around and reflect on about the people that love us, even if their love doesn’t extend itself how we would like, they are there… Even if our trauma doesn’t let us see it. Gratitude helps us heal, and we see that we really aren’t alone and that even if there are times where no one shows up and there are NO family or no friends in sight… There is still a God who wanted us to be alive at this very moment in history, and that is truly the ultimate source of TRUE and unconditional love. We aren’t alone, it just seems like that at times because we live so much in our own minds, or the mental health conditions or personality disorders some incur through life’s trials and tribulations make it hard to feel worthy, the gratitude of life and a healthy love for ourselves, and others. Remember, the battle is always in the mind FIRST, and then everywhere else. KNOW this, so that you won’t forget where’s the battleground! My therapist used to challenge me to understand the negativity and pain of others around me, even when I was directly in the path of that pain because it helped me to learn HOW to let go of the hurt, whether they caused it intentionally or unintentionally in that moment, giving me space for forgiveness. Forgiveness helps bring back the focus back on myself, my healing and my lack of awareness in whatever areas I’m struggling with. I surely don’t know it all, and I’m forever learning about myself, as I am of others as life plays itself out. Taking time every day to talk to God, and reflect on the day or things that He has put in my spirit, has helped me so much in my personal growth and I want to encourage you all to practice taking the time out to reflect on a daily basis. I’m definitely not perfect, but self-awareness is KEY towards the discovery of self and a very important tool that helps us better listen to God from within ourselves… Guiding us, showing us, healing us.

None of us are positive ALL the time, or happy ALL the time, or LIGHT all the time. We ALL have a dark side, the key is to do our best not to let that dark side hurt the people closest enough to see it. No matter how you try to control the “energies” around us, dealing with negativity with GRACE is apart of life, and a necessary interpersonal skill. Not all people have to be a part of our “circle of family and friends”, but we shouldn’t limit our kindness, empathy, and love to only those within our circle because that’s wack, self-righteous and extremely pretentious. This is a different journey for us all, all with different a different storylines, time marks, and experiences, so let us all respect the process, and reflect more often, so we can spend more time checking ourselves than we do checking others. Also forgiving has always helped me put things into the right perspective, even if that meant I never want that person or issue back in my life. Not every person you love comes to stay.

Always question your behavior, know your triggers and manage them accordingly, most of all… Live your life so abundantly grateful that you can’t help but be joyful to be alive, and given the daily opportunity to correct ugly behaviors or poor mistakes, to change your circumstances, to learn new things and most importantly, how to learn how to better love yourself and one another in acceptance and without attachment to our own ego. Divine love conquers ALL! Get you some… Concluding this reflection, with a quote from a friend and excellent psychotherapist @ontologicalpsychology - Follow him on IG and stay WOKE! ——- “Sometimes what we consider "bad energy” is actually “good energy” trying to help us address our unresolved issues, [traumas], and our resistance to change. - J.Villodas

Let’s do better, folks. We got this! Thanks for reading and until the next… : ) 

#reflection #personalessay #healing #divineconnection #universalgratitude #loveyourself #loveothers #thinkdifferently #hijadeDios #gracelife #loverandafighter

[yungtal333]

Hello dolls.

And, welcome back to Roseconnexa!

Before we start reading this post…

We should center ourselves for the one time:

Breath in slowly and deeply,

Now exhale slowly using your mouth.

Okay, now that that’s over.. we can get right into this post. Okur!

Happy Wednesday. 

I know you love hump day just as much as I do. 

It’s the middle of the week.. which means the work week is almost ovaaa!

WOOT WOOT. 

And, I love Wednesdays because I get to promote and recognize our #INSPOBAE of the week!

This week I’m bringing you a vlogger.

She started her channel to embrace her journey of self-love and self-care. 

I have known her since my freshman year in college.

I don’t know why we clinged to each other but, I just always loved her sweet soul.

And, she’s pretty funny too. 

She’s one of those friends that has no drama and we always had a good time together.

She has really inspired me which is why I knew I had to feature this goddess on Roseconnexa.

So without further ado..

I present to you all my interview with this week’s #INSPOBAE:

Semone Allen aka @birthmarkbliss

Hey Semone,

Thank you so much for joining me today on Roseconnexa.

Can you tell our readers a little bit about yourself?

I’m Semone, a 26-year-old wine drinker with the home girl vibe. I was born with a Nevus of Ota birthmark across the right side of my face and I want to bring more awareness to it, and other types, as I continue to embrace it. 

What do you want your legacy to be? Or what is your life’s mission statement?

I want to show people how being themselves can open them to endless possibilities. For so long we as a society have been shaped to fit a mold and I just want to show people that they can truly exist beyond societies standards. When you truly walk in your purpose the blessings multiply and who’s not ready for that?!

What inspired you to start Birthmark Bliss?

This page is basically a gift to my younger self. I was so insecure growing up because of the constant stares and rude questions. Some people would walk up to me and say, “So did you get punched in the face or what?” Those questions hurt me, not only because of the sharp delivery but because the answer never seemed to satisfy them. Telling them I was born like this still didn’t register with them, they needed some wild ass story to confirm their imagination.The fact that on January 14, 1993 a Queen was born with an extra patch of melanin didn’t cut it for them. I began to hide behind make up to erase the questions. 

 A year ago I just said screw it, they’ll either love it or hate it and I don’t care either way. I made my page and the out-poor of support from family and friends was amazing. Most importantly I started to find people within my community. This whole time I thought I was alone in the world but I was receiving DMs from people in South Africa, Saudi Arabia, and all across the US who I call my birthmark twins. We just love and uplift one another and that’s been my motivation to keep the page going.

How did you become so comfortable in your skin?

Being comfortable in my skin is a continuous journey. There’s a lot of de-programming going, but my number one thing is to not compare myself to others. I recognize that I have one body so I need to cherish it and that all starts with the mind. I talk to myself with love and that flows into other areas of my life. 

What advice would you give to others who struggle with accepting their birthmark(s)?

If you have a birthmark, I want you to know that you are dope as hell. God had his hand in making you so don’t ever shrink yourself from experiencing your full potential.

What motivates you from day-to-day?

I finally felt it in my spirit that I’m operating in my purpose and that’s what makes me so happy to wake up in the morning. This page and these relationships that I’m developing have the capacity to take me farther than I’ve ever imagined. I don’t feel alone in the world anymore, so giving that feeling to someone else is my motivation. 

How do you manage keeping a balanced lifestyle?

I’m learning to leave things where they are. I leave work at work. I don’t let someone’s behavior rub off on me like a contagion of negativity. Living in the moment is key.

Who would you say is your biggest inspiration? And, why?

My sisters’ are my biggest inspiration. I’m the middle of 3 girls and both of my sisters are so unapologetic about who they are and it’s so inspiring. I’m coming out of my shell because they’ve shown me that it’s ok to do and say what’s on your mind.

What is your #1 beauty secret?

I use raw aloe on my body and I honestly don’t feel like myself without it. An aloe leaf costs less than $3 but has so many functions and has been keeping this baby face poppin!

What is the best advice that you ever received?

*Inserts clap emojis* Get rid of the timeline you have made for yourself!!! This doesn’t mean to just drop everything and go with the flow because I’m an avid believer in having direction. It’s the OBSESSION that had my anxiety at an all time high and contributed to bad decisions just to meet a fabricated deadline. Life happens and opportunity may not present itself when you want it, but it will come and you’ll know when it’s right.

Wow Semone, you are so beautiful and so brave. 

I can def. relate to your feelings towards your beauty mark. I have extra boob meat in my under arms. Growing up; I was so insecure about it. I would never wear tank tops because I was so ashamed. No one ever made fun of me but that’s because no one really knew. I always always hid it. But, today I don’t care! I’m so comfortable with them now. My under arm boob meat occasionally makes an appearance in my pictures. I play with them in front of my fiance from time to time too! I never did that ever. I love them and embarce them as a unqiue part of me. 

You said it best “being comfortable in my skin is a continuous journey.” Our bodies (espeically as women) continously change. We have to be patient with ourselves. Change what we can and accept what we can not change. Only compare yourself to the old verison of you. Like Semone said, we only have one body. You can hate yourself and suffer. Or you can love your being; including your flaws and learn to be happy. Happiness is not a desitnation- I remind you; rather happiness is a jounrey. You have to continously work towards it because as we all know life experiences will test your happiness. And, it all starts in your mind. You can let your mind run you or you can run your mind. 

Walking in your purpose is a great motivator for sure. When you understand and surrender to your purspoe; you become a different creature. It so beautiful how you opened up about your struggles. And, on top of that you made a page dedicated to it! I am so happy that you have found your purpose and passion for helping others in your own way. All while you helping yourself in the process. 

Semone, you really added so much to my life and my blog by doing this interview. Your transparency is so appreciated. I love that I have a platform to promote young ladies such as yourself. You are paving a path for so many!

We thank you!!!

  You can follow Semone on IG @semone14 and @birthmarkbliss <—–Just CLICK the links to follow her. 

Her youtube channel is BirthmarBliss <—– Just CLICK that link. Subcribe to her channel and watch some of her videos. You will LOVE. 

She is the cutest and I already told y’all that she’s funny! So, don’t miss her vlogs. 

We would like to thank all our readers for showing up and supporting us today.

We appreciate you guys so much!

If you like this post; then click here to check out Roseconnexa’s last #INSPOBAE. You don’t want to miss her! Go read and get even more inspired. 

Do you know someone who deserves to be recognized for being a bad ass lady? Well, why are you waiting? Send me her name asap!!!! You can comment down below or send me a personal message; here or on my instagram. I’m always looking for new #INSPOBAES. 

Special thanks to this week’s #INSPOBAE, Semone. This was a great interview and I thank you for being apart of Roseconnexa. You are inspiring and we are tuned in, to your journey. Continue to walk in your purspose. 

As always dolls,

If you like this post—->

Like it,

share it,

comment below

and, follow my Blog!

You Can Also Follow Me on Social Media:

Twitter: @roseconnexa

Instagram: @troiiiii_

Tumblr: @roseconnexa

Until next time….

Stay Happy, Grateful and Aware. xoxo

With love,

Troi. 

#INSPOBAE Birthmark Beauty and Youtuber Semone Allen Hello dolls. And, welcome back to Roseconnexa! Before we start reading this post... We should center ourselves for the one time: