#but it’s also harmful because people will think that if you are one of these then you can’t be another

[ms-demeanor]

Great question! This is legitimately an important thing to ask when you're presented with advice online.

Some tips for when you see instructions/a how-to/educational guide online and you aren't sure if you should trust the source:

Find out what else the author has done; you can do this by searching their name online or by following the links they may have attached to their writing. In my case, I've got information about myself in my pinned post which includes links to previous guides I've written on a variety of subjects - including tech-related subjects - and a link to my personal website that you can investigate.

Find out what experience the author has in the field being discussed. During the height of the pandemic we saw how important this was, because there were often GPs and nurses giving advice that contradicted the information shared by virologists and infectious disease specialists. It's not just important that someone presenting information is knowledgeable about one subject, it's worthwhile to find out if they're specifically knowledgeable about the subject they're talking about. To find this kind of information you'd want to look into a writer's history; check their publication history by searching their name on the site you found their writing on (so if it's a magazine click the author bio, if it's a journal search research databases). On tumblr you can click through someone's archive or you can run their handle through the jetblackcode tool to see what their most popular posts are about. I try to make this easy, so I (again) link a bunch of posts in my pinned. Tumblr search is notoriously terrible, but you can also search keywords on someone's blog (and it's a good idea to do this on anyone's personal website if you're following up about something they've read online). Personally, I have a long history of posting about various kinds of scams (medical and pseudoscience scams, as well as email and phone-based scams) and social engineering; you can find this in my archive but also in some of the many sideblogs I list in my pinned.

Think critically about the information being presented. Ask yourself: - If this information is incorrect, how could it cause harm? - If it does do harm, WHO would it harm? - Who is this information aimed at? - Does it seek to change someone's behavior? How?

Fact-check the information yourself. If something stands out as sounding wrong or incorrect to you, or if it is directly counter to something else you've learned, do some research.

Compare the information presented to what other writers in the field have to say. If the information is way out of line with other writing in the field is there a reason why (is it highly contextual? based on new research? predicated on an unusual behavior) and if so is that reason explained?

Do exactly what you've done here and ask questions. People who are operating in good faith generally don't mind being questioned about their work and why they did it. (They won't always have time to answer, but they should at least be *open* to being questioned)

Anyway, the 30-second answer on why you should trust me specifically on this topic: I am a tech professional who has spent 13 years educating people on how to avoid being scammed online as part of my job. I also have a background in journalism and have a great deal of interest in increasing media literacy in general; I consider this kind of thing an aspect of media literacy.

How to avoid sharing Social Media Scams in the Wake of a Disaster

The world is full of disasters. It is also full of people who have learned to profit off of disaster. It is an unfortunate fact of life in the modern social media/online environment that in order to avoid spreading scams, you have to make a continuous effort and you have to be cynical.

There are a lot of wonderful, well-meaning people in the world who want to help everyone who asks for it. Unfortunately, those people are easy to scam.

These are some rules to prevent you from either falling victim to scams or from passing scams along to other people.

These are not suggestions, these are not things to take into consideration, the rules listed here are RULES that you need to adopt in order to keep from spreading scams on social media.

Rules:

Never, ever share screenshots of fundraisers or resources that you haven’t verified yourself. If you see a screenshot of, say, the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds Instagram announcing that they will be accepting evacuees with RVs, you go find the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds website, you find the social media linked on their website, and you check that the post you’re seeing actually came from the entity it’s claiming to. Once you have proved that the post actually came from the entity it’s claiming to, double check that entity with a couple of verifiable sources. So, for instance, if I was checking on the Guitar Center Music Foundation I’d check Guitar Center’s website and maybe I’d look for news articles about donations from the foundation. If I was looking up the Antelope Valley Fairgrounds, I’d look for a local newspaper calendar of events that linked to the fairgrounds or would check the city websites in the area and search “fairgrounds” on them. I would not share a link to a social media page for an organization until I was 100% certain that it was actually associated with the organization. You shouldn’t either. If you see a post that claims to come from a specific group but all you have is the screenshot of the post, go find the group’s website and if it all checks out you may share it IF AND ONLY IF you add the link to the post. And if a post has a link already, click through it and STILL check that everything looks okay.

Never give money or information to someone with a free email address. This sucks. I know. But if the group you’re looking at only has a gmail address or a protonmail you have no way of knowing if they’re legitimately associated with the organization at a glance. And even if they ARE associated with the organization, the free email account demonstrates a lack of planning/commitment that has troubling implications for the handling of your money or data.

Do not share screenshots of “resources,” headlines, social media posts, or news articles. I’m done with screenshots. Screenshots are easy to fake and almost always remove context from the discussion. A standalone screenshot isn’t information, it’s a trap to get you to share something without thinking. Do not *trust* screenshots of “resources,” headlines, social media posts, or news articles. Always assume a screenshot is faked unless you have found the original post yourself. A screenshot isn’t a “resource” it is an un-source, it is intentionally removing information from the viewer and we are well past the time when people should have understood that sharing screenshots without a link to the original text in context is never, every trustworthy.

Do not give money or information to accounts without a history. This may mean individual social media accounts, or it may mean a shiny new mutual aid project that popped up near your house. It’s unfortunate that people have their accounts deleted, it’s unfortunate that new orgs have trouble finding support, but the likelihood that a new account is a scam is simply too high to trust your money or information with it. If someone is asking for money or offering help on an account that hasn’t posted for years, or that suddenly changed all its content, or that has only existed for a month with no links to other, older sites and socials, you shouldn’t trust that account.

Okay, those are the RULES. Those are the lines you draw in the sand. The TL;DR version is this:

Don’t share posts you haven’t personally verified

Don’t give money or information to accounts with generic email accounts like gmail

Don’t share or trust screenshots that have no links or further context

Don’t give info or money to brand new accounts

I absolve you of any guilt you have surrounding this. You want to share that post to help a stranger but they have only had an account for a week. You want to spread that resource, but unfortunately it is only available as screenshots of an anonymous instagram account. You think that perhaps that mutual aid group really can help people, but the only way contact them is to put your info into a google form and send an email to their gmail account. That post seems really helpful, but actually you can’t find anything that suggests that the Mt. Pacifico Aquatic Center exists outside of this twitter account. No more guilt! Guilt be gone! You do not have to feel bad for not sharing these things, or not reaching out, or not giving money because doing so would be irresponsible and would put other people at risk of being tricked by scammers or wasting what money they can donate on a potential fraud.

Now, some tips:

Always, always, always take at least ten minutes to think about giving someone money or your information online. Read the post that moved you, then re-read it, then go sit away from it for ten minutes and think about it. There’s a good chance you will still want to give, or sign up, but ten minutes away will give you a chance to consider if there are any red flags in the post that inspired you.

Independently search everything you’re going to share. Go outside of social platforms and check on search engines. Check Wikipedia. Look up the website and send a while clicking around. Go on a *different* social media platform and check their account.

Just straight up search “[SUBJECT] Scam” before you do anything. See if this thing you’re looking at is actually an old scam that’s revamped for a new disaster. See if you can find an explanation of how something might be a scam or risk in a way that you didn’t understand before.

Get used to getting away from social media. Go check websites.

Learn domain name syntax. “musicfoundationguit.arcenter.com” is a bullshit scam. “guitarcenterfounditaon.org” is a bullshit scam. “guitarcenter-foundation.org” is a bullshit scam. The actual domain is “guitarcenterfoundation.org” and the link to the correct page isn’t going to be “guitarcenter.foundationfires.org” it’s going to be “guitarcenterfoundation.org/fires”  

Tips for Orgs:

If you do not want your org to look like a scam you are going to have to put some effort into it. Unfortunately this will probably also require at least a little bit of money; I know it’s hard to get money together at the beginning, but it will pay off in the long run.

Invest in a domain and hosted email. You can get relatively inexpensive hosted email through most domain registrars and even if you only get one email address for your domain you can forward it to all the free gmail and protonmail accounts you want. But buy a domain, set up a simple website, and get an  info@[yourdomain].com email set up because you don’t want people emailing “MyOrgInfo@gmail.com” because it’s super fucking easy for a 1337 hax0r like me to set up “YourOrgTeam@gmail.com” and scam the people who want to reach out to you.

Make a blog on your actual website, not on a social media site. A blog means that you can make regular posts and establish a history to prove that you are real and you do real stuff; it will also help with SEO and help to ensure that when people search for your org YOU are what comes up. Keeping up calendars of previous activities with links to those activities is also good.

Set up social handles on all the sites you use, make a “socials” page on your website, and link to your handles so that people can verify if you’re the one posting something. If you don’t make it extremely easy to find your socials, that means it’s extremely easy to set up fake accounts claiming to be you. Then put the link to your website in the bio on your socials.

If you are offering something or holding a fundraiser or doing anything on your social media page, link it back to your website. If you have an IG post offering resources, you should include a url for your site in each image. If you share a photo on twitter with the info for a march, that should link back to your website with more info about the march. If you post a fundraiser on tumblr you need to link the fundraising page of your website on that post.

If you absolutely positively cannot set up a website and a real-ass email address, set up a linktree, choose a primary social media to post on that all the others refer back to, and very explicitly state what your email address is and that you do not have other email addresses somewhere that's difficult to miss. Build a history of posts and link to other orgs that you work with or any writeups or stories about your events or projects. The point of all of this is making yourself easy to verify. "northfullertonfnb@gmail.com" sucks but it sucks a lot less if it's in the bio of "@northfulltertonfnb" and that page has a two year history of posting meal share schedules and menus.

In conclusion, don't share things that you haven't personally checked. When in doubt, it is always safer not to share.

[frownyalfred]

👉 👈 ok but Kryptonian!Lord Clark needing a liaison for Earth so that a good partnership can be made with them and the last few residents from Krypton (earth knows that tho they may be lowered in numbers, Krypton could with minimal effort take over Earth)

In comes Bruce who does not have political ties, nor positions as an Earth spokesperson; but is still one of the richest men and thus well known "celebrities" of Earth, everyone knows of him, so thru some mal-intended BS from his company executives, they nominate him to be Earth's liaison with Krypton.

And Bruce takes it on the chin, and knows that while he may not be experienced in the political field - yet - but he knows how to charm and work a room, knows how to sway people to get them to agree to a deal even if they end up losing on a benefit. He adapts to Kryptonian language as much as he can, he attends meetings and learns customs. He gains secret access to things because they think he's not intuned to their mannerisms. They too think he's a vapid celebrity, just a pretty face.

Then he begins to shadow Clark, who knows this man is more than he seems. He too learns Bruce's mannerisms, he learns to distinguish his smiles from fake and genuine. (It's only genuine when he FaceTimes his kids on Earth, and his father? Butler? as well).

They begin to meet outside of meetings and presentations, Bruce translating Clark's presentations in English for Earth as well as other languages , and soon a friendship blooms.

But as Clark gets more and more political power, when his Uncle Jor-El is killed, he begins to trust those around him a little less and depends on Bruce more. His uncle's campaign don't like that. So they arrange for Clark to seek out a partner for marriage, to distract him from "the thing from earth", and they both learn that /that/ friendship feeling ran a little deeper, now that they know for sure they can't be more.

They still meet up, they still are friends, then Steppenwolf wants in on the Earth discussions, says he's here on behalf of Darkseid, to be friends. He's offering deals that Kryptonians, Earth, and others are interested in.

But Bruce advises against it. He knows this won't end well. Clark knows Bruce wouldn't advise against it if he didn't have a reason (and he doesn't trust Steppenwolf either), but now there was an assassination attempt on him, and they failed, but somehow it is linked to Earth and this rock they have in a supply.

So now they go threaten Clark's "fiancée" but they're escorted to safety but thats what they planned and go after Bruce instead. Bruce is bewildered because why him? He has no power over Clark and Krypton, so he's a mute point. Meanwhile Clark is going a bit berserk because... No. Not Bruce. Anyone but /him/.

Bruce is rescued but he almost didn't make it, and Clark lays the cape/shawl of the house of El on his recovery pod and those around him understand that Steppenwolf messed up bad. That this was a step too far, and Clark is red eyed, mad, impassive like his late uncle, and it's found out some of his own party made a deal with Steppenwolf (Bruce was investigating and Clark found his notes).

So Clark breaks off the deal with Steppenwolf and becomes a Liaison himself for Earth and Krypton but not as it was before but as one entity and when Bruce recovers, Clark asks him to be his partner now in marriage, not just work.

Just, Bruce wearing his colors and Kryptonian uniform /clothing , keeping him healthy and helping him recover while also symbolizing a union unlike before. (His company executives are eating their words, when he returns to earth, still in the uniform, a lot powerful than before).

(Sorry ran on a tangent from you Kryptonian uniform, clothing post of the El cape/shawl protecting Bruce but failing when kryptonite is brandished and used to pierce Bruce's body. It won't poison him like a Kryptonian body would fall to but a projectile with force will still harm a human body, you know?)

I feel like I just read a whole Superbat big bang and I’m in love. I love the way Kryptonian houses/symbols/clothing play into all of this. I love Kal losing it over Bruce. Ahhh!!!

[thelov3lybookworm]

Journals (part 2)

Part 1

Summary: new realisations and hauntingly beautiful words

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 2059

Warnings: heavyyyy angst, mental health issues, depression, feeling unworthy of love, panic attack, self harm (alluded to), self hate. thats all i can think of right now, but let me know if i need to add anything

A/n: based on old poetry by @garden-of-runar 🤭i had reblogged them to my drafts on a side blog that i dont use at all, so i couldnt reblog them on my main, but i have put them in the fic, so ig that works🤷🏻‍♀️ also, if i ever write a part 3 (which i might based on feedback) azzie would be the love interest <3

ALSO MY GIRLIE IS SO TALENTED DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED I LOVE THESE POEMS 🥹

(im also tagging people who asked for a part two hope u dont mind <3)

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Lying on the ground, despite how it hurt her joints sometimes, was one of Y/n’s favourite pastimes. Maybe because sometimes she did not have the energy to crawl into her bed, but that was not the point.

They hate you.

The hardness of the wood panels was oddly comforting, the way the grains sometimes raised enough for her to feel them with her fingers, the soft creaking when she stepped on them. It reminded her that she was here, that she was alive. That she was getting what she deserved for being so pathetic.

The soft mattress did not give her the same level of comfort. Sure, it was warm and cozy, but did she deserve it?

No.

You deserve this.

You deserve the worst.

Y/n sniffled, lying on her side as she lifted her hand higher next to her, dragging her nails down the planks, the feeling overwhelming in itself but better than not feeling anything. She watched her fingers jerk with the motion, pale and bloodless.

She could feel her tears collecting in a pool and seeping under her cheek. She glanced at the foot of the bed in front of her.

It looks so majestic from down here.

Do people who are worse off think the same way about me?

I don’t want them to. Because I am not worth being thought of like that.

I am nothing. I am pathetic.

It became harder and harder to take in a breath from her nose, as it continued to grow clogged from all her sobbing.

It was one of her least favourite things about crying.

Pathetic.

Stop it!

You’re pathetic. Crying over nothing.

You don’t deserve anything good.

The thoughts kept echoing in her head, louder and louder. She couldn’t breathe any longer.

And it was not because of anything physical.

Her chest began to constrict, forcing her lungs to let out precious air. She tried to breathe it back in, desperately wishing to cling to any remnants of oxygen like a child clinging to its mothers skirts.

Please. Just one inhale.

Her throat tightened.

Just one.

She gasped, futilely trying to breathe one last time to breathe before she knew she would collapse, faint because of the lack of air in her body. It gave her some reprieve, and her eyes focused back to the bed.

The longer she stared at it, the more drowsy she became. Her eyelids were drooping, and she finally, finally decided that maybe letting herself submit to her body’s needs wouldn’t be too bad, if it meant that the thoughts would stop. Maybe if she gave in to the tiredness in her bones after hours of sobbing, her mind would stop being so cruel.

Maybe it would take pity on her.

Maybe.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

"We should go out tomorrow!"

Y/n smiled a little. A rare smile that only recently had begun showing on her face.

It wouldn’t be considered a real smile. But it was still there on her face. The tilt of her lips.

We. Not me. We.

They wanted her to be present too.

Cassian jumped up, looking at Y/n with a grin. "I always wanted to take Y/n out to Rita’s."

Her smile grew.

The other members talked, making plans for tomorrow. Slowly, the conversation spiralled, as it always did between them all.

Azriel leaned close to Y/n, whispering jokes in her ear that made her giggle. Rhysand sat on the same couch as Cassian, fighting like children. Mor sat next to Amren, amusement shining in her eyes as she added fuel to the fire, while Amren looked like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

They talked well into the night, politics, food, court gossip bleeding into one another as the time trickled by.

But the moment the conversations wandered into their future, Y/n’s smile faded. She wondered, would they want her to stay in their life?

She didn’t have to wonder long, as the words they uttered were enough to give her peace.

They talked of vacations, of parties and new traditions. Of getting married, of being with their partners. Of celebrating lives and years and months, of celebrating ends and new beginnings.

They talked, and included her.

They talked in ‘we’s’. Not in ‘me’s’.

And that was enough for her little heart to be happy.

For it to heal, for the blood to return to her face.

For her to smile, free and unbidden.

But then, time passed. And just like the sand in an hourglass trickles away, so do all good things.

As she watched, the scene changed from only housing six people in the living room, to adding three more members. And slowly, she was pushed out.

And they began talking in ‘me’s’.

Some ‘we’s’, but it never meant Y/n.

No, it meant them. Them and their partners.

It meant Feyre and Rhysand. Their new lives and baby.

It meant Cassian and Nesta. Their new mating bond and blooming love.

It meant Azriel and Elain. Their growing infatuation.

Y/n doubted the infatuation had ended, as Azriel no longer sat next to Elain at dinners. Lucien’s visits to Velaris had increased too.

But everyone’s visits to Y/n and their thoughts about her had decreased. No one seemed to remember her existence.

And she deserved it.

They chatted among themselves, and the armchair she sat on vanished from under her, leaving her standing knee deep in the freezing snow. Watching from the outside as the warm interior that had seemed so welcoming just a moment ago turned into a nightmare.

Her worst nightmare.

It left her whimpering, leaving her to curl on the cold ground.

All alone, just like she deserved.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

It was almost sunset, and finally, Rhysand had built up the determination to read the damned journal.

He walked downstairs, peering into the living room before stepping in front of it.

Mor had departed after Y/n had left, tears in her eyes. Azriel and Cassian had been sitting in the living room for the whole two hours since then, staring into space, looking haunted and horrified at the way they hadn’t realised what was going on with their friend. Amren too, sat in an armchair in the corner, looking as unbothered as ever. But Rhys saw the cracks. The shifting eyes, the too hard hold on the book she held in her lap, the downward tilt of her lips more pronounced.

"I think it’s time we read the journal."

Four sets of eyes shot up to his figure.

"Are you sure, Rhys?" Cassian mumbled, standing up uncertainly.

Rhys nodded. "It is the only option we have."

Azriel sighed, mirroring Cassian’s movements and moving closer to Rhysand.

Feyre perked up. "What is going on Rhys?"

He clenched his jaw, guilt and regret festering in his gut. He had been so busy in his newfound happiness, so wound up in enjoying every moment with his mate that he had forgotten family. He had forgotten her to the extent his mate didn’t even know what the slight tang of copper in the air meant.

"Nothing, Feyre." He mumbled, turning away.

"Elain was asking-"

"Tell her to stop asking, then." Rhysand froze at the coldness in Azriel’s voice, his eyes going wide. Azriel never used that tone of voice with anyone outside of work, let alone Feyre.

Feyre stepped back, her calves hitting the couch as she stared at her friend in shock. "Az?"

Azriel pushed past Rhysand, making his way towards his study where the journal sat, looking as frustrated and unapologetic as ever.

After a shared glance, Rhysand and Cassian followed, Amren hot on their heels.

Azriel was already seated in one of the chairs at Rhysand’s mahogany desk, his eyes fixed on the journal that lay in the middle, his jaw clenched. He seemed to be the most affected, and Rhys only had the faintest idea why.

The four of them sat in waiting until Mor finally arrived, shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she sniffled lightly as she came to stand next to Cassian.

"Rhys, do we really have to read it? It will be an invasion of privacy."

Rhys swallowed. Thought it over. "We don’t really have a choice, do we? We need to figure out the root of this. She won’t tell us if we ask, we know that. Plus, she might already be way down the path of another breakdown after what happened today."

"That is why I think that instead of sitting around on our arses," Azriel ground out, "we should go and check up on her."

Rhys raised a brow, though concern festered in his gut. "Azriel, we’ve been through this before. She will feel worse about herself, thinking she inconvenienced us."

A muscle feathered in Azriel’s jaw, but he said nothing.

And so they began reading.

Rhysand opened a random page, his breath catching at the sudden tang of copper, and began reading. As he stared at the words before speaking them aloud, he remembered seeing the exact poem in a book he recommended to Y/n over fifty years ago.

Forgotten.That is my nameThat is the path I walkIt has been so longI don’t remember what it is like to be seenAnd I spill, my tears lining the path to the woods where my body lies,Forgotten.- from GardenofRunar

Instantly, Rhysand’s blood ran cold. He leaned back, exhaling. The pages were decorated in flowers and hearts, tiny little clouds and doodles in the margins so at odds with the thoughts spilled onto them like a hauntingly beautiful scenery.

At this point, Cassian and the others had moved to peer over Rhys’s shoulder. Rhys watched as Cassan reached over to turn the page with a shaky hand, pulling it back almost instantly as if the page had burned him. There, just above the words was a small handful of doodles, and he knew the small figures resembled the inner circle before Rhys had been taken under the mountain.

The poem was more a letter than anything, except it contained so few letters but thy hit everyone with a guilt so hard it was almost like a mountain fell onto them.

So like Y/n, to say so less yet still make an impact.

I didn’t forget about you.Can you say the same for me?Don’t bother.I know the answer.-GardenOfRunar

Under the poem, were a few words.

The poet is so talented. Every poem of them I read, it makes me want to sob.Maybe because I relate to these. Maybe that’s why.

Quiet sniffles came from Mor, but Rhys turned another page. It was the first page where blood began dotting the corners, a few drops on the center of the page veining out towards the edges, as if trying to exit but being unable to.

The almost poeticness of the sight was not lost on them. The blood droplets were almost like Y/n, trying to escape a cruel mind but unable to.

My friends are living lives, and I’m trudging through a million little days,Wasting away.- GardenofRunar

A hand snaked towards the book, slamming it shut. Rhysand jumped, his eyes flying to the owner of the scarred hand that appeared.

"Enough." His voice was still, quiet, but so cold it could freeze even the summer court over. And Rhysand knew. He was blaming himself for not paying attention to Y/n.

Rhys nodded, feeling guiltier by the second.

Everyone went back to their places, sitting in silence. Contemplating.

Wondering how they had become so oblivious to the point that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them the entire time.

The regret, the sadness was heavy in the air. It was getting hard to breathe it in.

Finally, Azriel stood, grabbing the book.

Then he turned, and walked out the door without a word, his wings pulled tight against his back.

And Rhysand wondered again.

Was this just some friendly concern, some self blame, or something else entirely?

Needless to say, suspicion took root. But guilt and hate overwhelmed it once more, and the family was left to sit and roil in it.

To wonder, how could they have been so busy that they ignored such an important part of them?

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

(ps. the first part in the memories/dreams Y/n has is based off this poem

You talk in ‘we’s’ Not ‘me’s’ And it heals my heart, just a little. Puts a smile on my face, just a little. You talk about a future One with me in it And I feel the color Return to my face. Just a little. - Runar

)

@velarisnightsky444 @fasoaurore @anainkandpaper @urfunnyvalentin3 @gabbiskylar01

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[pleaseinsertwittyurl]

There are always 2 sides.

The discourse around Louis and Lestat being a victim and abuser and nothing more drives me insane.

Something i don't think enough people remember is that the very same reason the fight began in 1×05 (lestat grabbing claudia by the throat when she tries to "take louis away") we see Louis himself do to her in 1×07 when she tries to get Louis to burn Lestat.

They BOTH would harm her rather than live in a world without the other. They are both guilty of abusing her and each other.

There is an implication that a good deal of time passed between Louis and Lestat meeting and the church. Louis expresses that he shares himself with Lestat in a way he only had with Paul. I would assume that goes both ways, to a degree. We know Louis knows at least enough about Nicki to discourage Claudia poking that wound. He also clearly knows that the threat of leaving is his most powerful weapon against Lestat.

Mental abuse is abuse. And Louis abused Lestat mentally for years. Shaming him, ridiculing him, shutting him out, manipulating him into making Claudia (a traumatic moment for him, whether Louis understands the depths of it or not) by promising to give him what he's being denying him, promising to never put him through what he fears the most.

Louis admits to purposely making Lestat suffer. He admits he was warned that Claudia would suffer and he wanted her anyway because he needed to feel redeemed. He is not innocent. He is not a trapped, weak victim. He made choices to hurt both Lestat and Claudia time and time again.

Does this justify Lestat's actions in 1×05? Obviously not. But we now know Louis was not willing to stop the fight. He taunted Lestat the same way he taunted the Alderman. He was unleashing years of frustrations just as Lestat was. His priority was not to protect Claudia, it was to hurt Lestat, consequences be damned.

I hate the drop scene as much as the next person and Lestat has admitted he will never earn forgiveness for what he did. But if you view Louis as some squeaky clean victim who was manipulated, trapped, and abused by Lestat you are missing so much of what this show is conveying.

We will always tend to paint ourselves as the hero of our own story. It is hard to accept your faults or that you hurt people you love. It is much easier to shift that blame on to someone else, to frame them as the villian. But life is not usually that black and white. Claudia had harsh words for them both in her diary, even before they got to Europe, for a reason. They both made hurtful mistakes with her, both treated her like a pawn in their relationship instead of a person, both harmed her, took away her choice, never prioritized her.

That is the great tragedy. That she never had a choice and was not allowed to be her own person. And in the end, they both are responsible for her misery and her death. That's what makes the reunion scene so important. They have been grieving her and carrying that guilt alone, all the while longing for the comfort of the other for 70+ years. Louis has found clarity in his memories, he has accepted his role in their suffering, he has seen Lestat's perspective more fully. Lestat is broken, totally consumed with that guilt and grief. Both know that although they cannot change what they've done, they can forgive the other, even if they can't forgive themselves. They can love each other despite everything they've done to one another because they cannot stop loving each other. But now they can try to rebuild that love from the rubble.

[aquatic-armageddons]

How the mercs would try to make up after a fight

SCOUT

Knowing Scout, he'd try to smooth talk his way out of it and call it a day. He doesn't like to admit he's in the wrong, but depending on how serious the fight was, he'd swallow his pride for the sake of the relationship.

He may even ask Spy for help, because he can be pretty awful with words.

But more than likely, the apology would be fumbled and blurted out (like he knows what he wants to say but his head can't catch up with itself).

Feel sympathy for the poor boy, because he feels very frustrated but he still wants you to know he's sorry for what happened.

Make-up cuddles on the couch are a MUST, too.

SOLDIER

You think Scout gets frustrated trying to apologize?

Solly is mentally kicking himself for letting the fight happen in the first place (he might actually kick a few things for real).

We all know Solly shouts a lot, but during the fight, he almost breaks a vessel screaming at you, but he silences himself immediately the moment he sees tears.

He tries desperately to apologize; sputtering 'I'm sorry' and 'Cupcake, please! I didn't mean to!'. But the one thing that'd damage his pride is leaving and making him stew for a couple of hours.

Later on in the day, he will approach you as slow and kindly as he can (a struggle), but he's back to his happy, loud self once you forgive him.

And expect a bone crushing hug or two.

PYRO

This kinda hurt to write.

Poor baby is beside themselves :(

The fight definitely shook you both up, as Pyro hardly ever gets into arguments with anyone. Even though their shouts are muffled, it was still clear enough to understand.

Once it all sinks in, they'd try to hold your hand tightly and mumble apologies like there's no tomorrow.

You forgive Pyro almost instantly, because you know they're a sweetheart and never meant any harm.

If you need some space, Pyro would give it to you, but not for too long. The separation would be too much to handle, and they'll give you the 🥺 face until you cave.

DEMOMAN

It would take him a bit to accept that he's in the wrong.

And I think brushing it off would add more fuel to the fire, but only if he really wanted it to hurt.

Space would be a key factor in this instance. He'd use that time to drink the stress away, but that nagging feeling won't leave him. And he'd definitely wouldn't want to go to sleep with you mad.

"Lass? You awake?" He'd still try to gently shake you awake if you're asleep (anyway).

That's all he'll say before he climbs into bed and spoon you from behind, nuzzling his beard in your neck.

If he tries to bring it up the next morning, just hear him out. And vice versa.

I also think he'll tell a cheesy dad joke to get that smile back on your face!

HEAVY

He'd only snap when under a massive amount of stress.

His frustration is probably misplaced, and once he sees your eyes watering, his shoulders fall in shame.

Honest, gentle words and small, fresh baked snacks is his go-to to bring things back to normalcy. This could also be how he settles his disputes with his mom and sisters.

"Y/N should not be angry with Heavy... let me make up to you."

His tone of voice would instantly make you melt and forgive him on the spot.

Let him spoil you for now and act like it never happened. Tomorrow's a new day!

ENGINEER

Fights with him are something you can never prepare for, as it hardly ever happens.

But when it does, it's all the more intense and awkward.

Dell feels helpless, because it's not like him to raise his voice, let alone shout at people he loves.

Like Heavy, a soft, reassuring voice is his way of de-escalating an argument.

But don't be surprised if he pulls the 🥺 face on you.

If in the midst of you yelling at him, he'll probably kiss you out of nowhere to shut you up.

"You were saying, sweetie?" He'd say with a smirk.

MEDIC

This man is very prideful, and may not consider the possibility of being at fault.

Depending on the severity (like if you threaten to leave him), only one of two things will happen: he'll either call your bluff and regret it later, or just shut down and seclude himself in his lab.

If the latter occurs, he'll feel the need to punish himself for hurting you.

You'll have to coax him out of the lab. Even if you were angry, you still didn't want to see him sulking.

"Liebe, I'm sorry for how I acted...please don't hate me!"

The best thing to do when he says that is to pull him in for a bear hug. "Dummy, don't be like that. You're too handsome to be all sulky and sad on me!"

That puts an instant smile on his face, and you both immediately forget what you were squabbling about.

SNIPER

Him being one of the more patient mercs on the team, it would take a mountain of effort to get him angry.

So he just goes quiet and waits for the right time to come around.

But there's no way of telling when that will happen; it could take just a few minutes or even several hours.

Mentally, Mundy is at war with himself. Does he want to apologize? Does he want to leave you stewing?

He eventually chooses to just be next to you, even when you demanded to be alone. He won't leave until you've calmed down.

Mundy knows his presence can ease your frustration. He'll hold your hand as you sob and vent at him, not saying a word.

It may not show, buy it breaks his heart to see you so upset. Just like a therapist, he's the man who wants to hear what you want to say.

"Honey, I'm sorry about earlier." He whispered. "You don't have to forgive me. Just know that-"

You practically tackle him in a tight hug, crying harder than ever. "I don't care! Just hug me, fool!"

SPY

He can be a real jerk, but he handles arguments more maturely out of everyone.

He apologizes when necessary, taking responsibility for his actions/hurtful words.

But he won't neglect to point out your mistakes as well. He won't take the blame if it's not warranted.

Discussing things like adults (in his opinion) is the best way to settle a personal dispute, and trying to get a reaction out of him would prove useless.

"Sweetheart, let's just take a moment and breathe. I don't want to fight with you, you know that. And I apologize if I hurt you. It was not out of malice, and I didn't mean to come across that way. Let's just stop for a little while and settle your nerves, oui?"

He's got that kind of parental approach you, and it works nearly every time.

---

A/N: IT'S FINALLY DONE!!!!!! I honestly struggled finishing this last minute as I was busy hacking up a lung and puking simultaneously 🤢🤒 But I didn't want to disappoint any of you. Let me know what you think ❤️❤️❤️

[crescenthistory]

hi darling carina! all the congratulations and love and hugs to you <3 can i request an explain for this concept — remus and reader with scars !! i thought it was so beautiful and i’d love to hear your thoughts on it :) thank youuu

my lovely lovely san<33 thank you so much darling! big hugs to you too 🤍🤍

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will EXPLAIN this post about remus and reader with scars

carina's 2k celebration

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

unfortunately, one of the key aspects of remus is immense self-loathing, specifically for his lycanthropy

i personally wouldn't necessarily call it insecurity, because it is less so about him being uncertain and anxious about his worth and more him being adamant that he is inherently bad

he's not unsure of it, remus knows that he is bad

(as readers, we know of course that he isn't; but this is his belief)

and his scars are the permanent physical manifestations of his affliction, so remus has felt nothing but hatred and shame for them his whole life

some of them were from the night he was attacked, but most were self-inflicted from his many moons where he lacked self-control and adequate care and support

he believes they are "proof" he is a monster

he will try to hide them and make them go away, while simultaneously not wanting to be too gentle with his scars either because he doesn't think he deserves it

scars being scars, any rough treatment will of course only make them more prominent

and so the evil cycle continues

however, as with most of what remus dislikes about himself, he would be confronted with his own mistreatment of himself if he loves someone who is scarred

if reader is also littered in scars in whatever capacity, he would never want to make them inadvertently feel the same shame he does

because you have nothing to be ashamed about?? (remus take your own advice)

there are so many ways to become a rather scarred individual, so this applies to many different readers

these can be scars from accidents, skin conditions, surgeries, mental health struggles, scarification, etc.

the last thing remus wants to do is harm the people he loves, whether that is directly or indirectly

(if your scars are somewhere only visible to a partner and he finds out a bit into your relationship, he would be kicking himself for not having been more sensitive and careful)

so when he is around someone else who is heavily scarred, especially if he loves them as deeply as he would you, he will have to catch himself

he will have to bite back cruel jokes on his own expense, because it will no longer just be his; he will have to quit rubbing them angrily in your presence; he will have to stop verbally or visually equate scars with monsters

to him, you are beautiful through and through

he is able to separate whatever trauma may have led to your scarring from the scars themselves and just see them as decorations on his ethereal partner – this is the point where bells may begin ringing in his head

if you are in a relationship, remus will do his best to help you with your own scar care, applying aloe vera, sunscreen and any specific medical creams you may require

and when you insist on putting some on him too, well, he has never been good at denying you anything

it would be a gradual process, but by loving someone with scars, remus would eventually be made to accept his own

to care for them, to not bash them at every opportunity, to look in the mirror and not see them spelling out "MONSTER" in white lettering

in general, i believe this is how remus begins his self-acceptance and self-love journey – he tries to shield his loved ones

lily hates her freckles? remus has to embrace his own, maybe even compliment them. james is insecure about his laughter? remus will make sure he laughs loud enough for him to not feel alone. sirius thinks his poor relationship with his family makes him unlovable? remus will learn to separate his father's beliefs from who he is and allow himself to be loved

you have scars? remus loves them with the same ferocity he loves you, even if that means being kind to his own

slowly but surely, remus is "tricked" into being kind to himself by being kind to the ones he loves

gods, i love him

[ghouljams]

Hi. I slept around when i was 18-24 years old. I slept with 27 people (mostly one night stands) in total. I deeply regret this. My behavour started due to a sexual assault, which sent me into a spiral of alcoholism, self-hate and depression. I had almost most of my partners in a drunken state, some I don't even remember. Thankfully I have been sober for two and a half years and abstained from sex for three years. I have also reflected upon my actions and turned my life around. My past experiences and behaviour have really damaged how I percieve sex and my body. Since being abstained from sex I have realized how much it means. I want to start dating, to hopefully have a long-term commitment. I am however, terrified that my "encounters" will be a dealbreaker. This idea that men just "have to deal with it" is nice, but I think it is bs in reality. I think for most men it is a deal-breaker, and I have to live with that. But I do not wish to lie about my past to my future partner either, should the topic come up. Any thoughts or tips? Would love some perspective.

Wow. Heavy.

I sat with how, and if, to answer this for a while because I want to approach this with compassion and understanding.

First: I think talking this out with a therapist, if you aren't already, would help you out a lot. There are plenty of therapists who specialize in sexual trauma and I think that's what you should look for if you decide to seek help.

Second I want to say that I think this hard pendulum swing from hyper-sexuality to sexual guilt is too common, but no less harmful to the person experiencing it. I wish I could hold your hand when I say that I think you've moved from one form of self harm to another. Beating yourself up over decisions you made in the wake of a horrible trauma that came from a need to cope is not going to help you in the long run.

The way we perceive ourselves is constantly changing, but that doesn't mean we're always right. I also would caution you against putting "meaning" on sex. Sex is just sex. It's a thing people do for a million different reasons, some mean something and others don't. The idea that sex has some huge weight to it or is a special gift that you only give people you truly care about is incredibly dangerous and will only damage your perception of yourself further. It's also incredibly motivated by the idea that you can shame people into obedience.

Do not fall victim to indoctrination tactics that put you in a position of shame.

Here's the truth of the matter. For some men it will be a deal-breaker, and for others it won't be, but why would you want to chase after the men who dislike you for something you did out of self-preservation? Also in all honesty most men don't give a shit about how many people you've slept with. This idea that all men want a perfect virginal vessel is just absolute horseshit that's been perpetuated by misogynistic media and disseminated to the general population. The only thing a good partner will care about is if you're comfortable and interested in having sex with them.

Men don't care how many people you've had sex with. Men are dogs. Men are lucky to even get sex with everything they've done to you.

I also want to leave you with this: the way you talk about yourself and sex raises many alarm bells. I don't know if you have a deeply christian background or if you've recently gotten involved with a church, but they are not helping you. I would caution you against placing too much weight behind the decisions you made in the past impacting the way your future will go. You are not a sinner who's been permanently marred by your deeds. You are a person who made choices you now regret and that's ok. Your future is dependent on the people you surround yourself with and the way you present yourself. Sex doesn't mean anything unless you want it to, but the people that tell you sex means everything are hurting you.

[lananiscorner]

Perhaps I was not clear enough in my original reblog, but I think you may have misunderstood several points of my post.

I was not trying to invalidate anything about the OP or miss its point--I was adding onto it, because for some adults who enjoy media for children, nostalgia is part of the appeal. I am sorry that the nature of your childhood meant that this could not be the case for you, but that doesn't change the fact that it is a factor for some, including for me. Your experiences are not universal, and neither are mine.

Personally, I occasionally rewatch cartoons from my childhood because they take me back to "simpler times". I occasionally watch shows or movies like them, designed for kids, even today as a grown adult long out of childhood, because there is something comforting for me in enjoying a well-made show/movie that focuses on the core messages we try to instill in future generations in terms that nobody can miss: be brave, be understanding, be kind, make friends.

The reason why I went into the second topic of my post (the stigma around adults consuming media for kids being puritanical panic around the potential of adults corrupting or hurting kids if they engage with the fandom) is because this is precisely the reasoning I see flung around most often by other people as criticism of adults who are in fandoms for child media or who enjoy media for children.

Gonna repeat that again: BY OTHER PEOPLE. I do not agree with that take.

I cannot count the many times I have either received asks myself, or have had mutuals receive asks, saying we should not be in fandoms X, Y, Z, because a grown adult enjoying stuff for children is creepy.

I was pushing back on said argument, to state why it is, in fact, beneficial to have people of multiple age ranges enjoying the same thing, precisely because it is the argument I most frequently had people try to wield against me and my mutuals.

I WISH I had no need to bring it up. I WISH that sentiment (that all adults who enjoy stuff for kids or are hanging out in fandoms for said media are creeps) did not exist, but it does, and so I decided to address it, before anybody tries to jump into my ask box and go "hurgh, hurgh, that post you reblogged about how we shouldn't shame adults for enjoying media for kids--do you not realize what massive creeps you are?"

You also grossly misinterpreted what I meant by "not every". "Not every" does not automatically mean "a good chunk" or "most". It means "not 100%". At no point, did I make any statement about how many percent of adults who enjoy kids media or enjoy hanging out in fandoms about kids media may be abusers, but I did acknowledge that they exist, because they do. They do exist in kids media fandoms, as they do in any sphere of life where kids may be present. So let me state this clearly for the record: In my experience, it is an incredibly small number, but it is not 0%. It is also not 100% though, which is what some other people like to assume.

There are plenty of people who are into children's media or part of those fandoms for entirely normal, healthy reasons:

They enjoy the simplicity of it.

They enjoy the quality of the writing/animation/music/various other parts of the work.

It helps them work through trauma or tough times.

It gives them nostalgic comfort.

They have loved ones or friends who enjoy it and want to be able to connect with them about it.

[Insert probably around half a dozen reasons here that I cannot think of at the moment.]

I do not judge anybody who likes media for kids for liking media for kids. As long as you are not harming anybody, you do you. Have fun, live your best life, enjoy the things you enjoy.

And regarding your question "How do you think about people who WORK in animation??" - In general, I think most of them are incredibly talented people. Whether they are decent people in a moral sense is something I cannot judge, unless:

A) I get to know them personally (highly unlikely).

B) They use their amazing talent to create something bigoted/hateful.

C) They publicly interact with others in a bigoted/hateful/abusive manner, or records of them interacting in such manner in private become public.

And if B or C ever happen (e.g. Rowling), I simply block them, stop interacting with their material, and move on with my life.

I like to think of people as innocent until proven guilty. I do my best to treat strangers with respect, understanding and kindness, and I say "do my best" because nobody's perfect--we all mess up sometimes and there have definitely been days when I have been physically or emotionally drained enough to be a sad ball of rage lashing out at anyone who interacted with me, and also because I am well aware that I have certain culturally-ingrained biases that I am actively doing my best to unlearn. But my default is always "assume decent person, until proven otherwise".

I will conclude by saying this: I wish you the best and I hope I made my point clearer this time.

Quick edit to add: I will also mute this post now, in the interest of not getting into any further arguments and derail OPs post even further. My initial reblog was meant to be a simple addition in further support of letting people enjoy what they enjoy.

I really have no patience for posts talking about "adults who only watch kids' cartoons," because, like...people accuse me of "only watching kids' cartoons," despite all evidence to the contrary. It doesn't matter how much I talk about other adult media I like, if I post too many things in a row about Steven Universe or The Dragon Prince or The Owl House, people come out of the goddamn woodwork to accuse me of "only watching kids' shows."

So I really can't take people seriously when they start talking about the supposed "problem" of "adults who only watch kids' shows." Are the "adults who only watch kids' cartoons" in the room with us right now, or are you basing your entire opinion of people solely on their fandom blog? Like, come on.

It makes me think of the couple years I spent volunteering in a school library. The librarian talked a lot about how it's hurtful to enforce "reading at grade-level" on every student with no nuance. Teachers would try to force their students to check out books "at proper grade-level," instead of letting students pick out whatever they wanted (even if it was "too easy"), and it resulted in a lot of students deciding books were boring, too hard, and only good for making them feel stupid. They started to hate reading entirely, because people constantly shut them down and told them they were stupid for not reading the right things. This was especially brutal on disabled students.

I personally apply the same philosophy to adults. You don't know what someone might struggle with, you don't know what someone's history is. You might think a piece of media is "too simple," but that's your experience and your opinion. People learn and grow and experience the world at different paces, and what seems to you like a "simplistic" piece of media may be the most complex, illuminating piece of media someone else has ever had the opportunity to experience. It doesn't make them "stupid" or "childish," and believing that it does is cruel and counterproductive. You cannot wield shame as a fucking cudgel if your goal is education, support, and helping people expand their horizons.

I don't think a culture of shame is helpful. I don't think a culture of "if you like 'childish' things, it means you're too stupid for anything else" is helpful. I don't think constantly making fun of children's media does anything other than demean people--and not just the people who enjoy it, but the people who make it, too.

[beautysurvives]

also don’t see enough ppl acknowledge how Dean and Jack are going through such similar journeys in s14. The parallels between Jack losing his soul and the s6 soulless Sam arc are right there on the surface, but what Dean is going through with Michael is also a huge parallel.

I know people get mad at Dean for putting Jack in the Ma’lak box, and I guess it’s easy to forget that Dean’s original plan was to put himself in there. The way Dean blames himself for Michael’s escape (the line is something like “I let my guard down”) is something that gets echoed by Jack so many times, about failing to kill Michael and getting tricked by Lucifer. Jack thinks it’s his fault for not being strong enough. His fault for being too trusting.

And the fact that Dean didn’t put himself in the Ma’lak box — the fact that he allowed his family to convince him not to — that he let his emotional connections guide him rather than his instincts — probably feels like another huge failure for him, and it 100% connects to Mary’s death. Not just because he’s grieving her, not just because he indirectly got her killed, but because, for him, she represents emotional vulnerability and honesty and connection, everything that he believes family should be. Trust and safety, and most importantly, the presence of a parent/matriarch/patriarch — because if she’s gone, who’s left to lead the family? The responsibility has always fallen on his shoulders as the older brother without a stable father figure, but Dean has never wanted this role, and at this point is really not equipped to handle it. Once Mary came around to filling that role in s14, a bit of the weight was lifted from Dean’s shoulders.

And now that ability to breathe a little easier, to start accepting Jack as his own son with the knowledge that, this time, he doesn’t have to feel like he’s the only person responsible for a kid’s life — all of that, to Dean, was his own mistake. It’s a reminder not to trust, not to be emotional, not to form new attachments, and especially not to feel safe or happy (another huge theme in this season: happiness leading to death)

Because if he had just gone in the box, Michael wouldn’t have gotten out, all those hunters wouldn’t have died, and Jack wouldn’t have burned the last of his soul to save him. And if we go even further back, if Dean had never said yes to AU Michael in the first place — which, if you remember, was to save Sam (and Jack, who also doubles as Sam’s foil) from Lucifer.

Another important detail is how in his s12 confrontation with Mary (in Who We Are), Dean blames her for everything that happened in her absence — including Sam losing his soul. Although in that situation, prior to Mary’s resurrection, the main person who could’ve been blamed for that was Cas, and even that (in Dean’s mind) was a reach, because I’m sure he believed that Cas was telling the truth about it being a mistake, and at the end of the day no one really knew why Sam lost his soul. Similarly, many of the things that Sam did while soulless were blamed on Sam himself, which, in light of what we saw in s11 and with Donatello (that not having a soul doesn’t automatically make you harmful), kind of holds up. But still, who can be blamed for mistakes, errors in judgment, or consequences of risky decisions made in the absence of crucial information. Mary, like Chuck and Amara in s15, becomes that person simply by virtue of being a parent. Which is also why it’s so easy for Dean to start placing all the blame on Cas for failing to warn him about Jack killing the snake, and then failing to get back in time to warn them — being absent when they needed him there most. Regardless of how Dean has been behaving towards Jack, regardless of his own internal feelings of parenthood, Cas is the only one in tfw who has claimed responsibility for Jack, verbally identified himself as Jacks father, and accepted blame by apologizing.

People often point out how Sam behaves like a parent to Jack, but I think they miss the opportunity to connect this to the role Dean had to play after Mary’s death when he was a child. Sam sees Jacks need for another father figure besides Cas, just as Dean did for Sam when they were children — which is something I think Dean recognizes in s15, when he says “I tried the family thing, didn’t work” and Sam says “Yeah, me too.” Dean could be talking about Cas and Jack, or Lisa and Ben, but Sam is most likely talking about Jack. And if you watch the scene, there’s this little look from Dean that I’ve always read as guilt, because imo he does see Jack as his child, and regrets that Sam was parentified in his absence.

But when it comes to Dean himself, as one of Jack’s parents, he completely deflects blame in light of Mary’s death. He starts acting like he never saw Jack as family — and like his relationship with Cas was never “real” — and it’s especially easy because they’ve never had an actual out loud conversation where they explicitly defined Dean’s significance to either of them. His rejection of Jack as a family member — and his subsequent rejection of Cas as a partner — is not because Dean never loved/cared about him — it’s a rejection of responsibility. It’s his inability to recognize himself as partially culpable (and he is, because, despite his relative passivity at the start, he went along wholeheartedly with the plan to use Jack’s soul to bring him back, and he, like Cas and Sam, put the responsibility to make sure that Jack didn’t lose his soul on other people AND allowed Jack to be unsupervised and put in situations where he’d be tempted to use his powers AND didn’t even allow himself to see the warning signs — and none of this makes it entirely Dean’s fault, because of course he was dealing with his own Michael crisis — he was hardly in a position to really act like a good parent, which he knew) — but the death of Mary also means the absence of a central figure to blame. It is the absence of a leader.

So when Chuck appears and gives him the Equalizer — the gun that will kill both its target and the person wielding it — of course he’ll take that deal. God is telling him to do it, and that it’s the only way — and without Mary present to remind him that she wouldn’t want this (which he realizes on his own later), he believes it.

Of course he’ll die killing Jack, because in Dean’s heart he sees them as the same person. He sees them as equally to blame. And it’s so connected to everything that came before Jack too — it’s a fitting punishment for the mistake Dean’s been making over and over again since episode one — since his father first told him that he’d have to kill Sam. Since he refused, time and again. Since he let himself get close to Cas just to get betrayed over and over. Since he decided to team up with Crowley, despite that warning he’d been given (if John saw you working with a demon…) Since he saved Baby Amara, not knowing that she’d grow up to be the darkness. Letting his love and compassion and empathy blind him to something that, in his mind — in any good hunter’s mind — should be black and white. The monster is supposed to die, even if it looks like you. It shouldn’t matter how you feel because feeling means the monsters win.

[29daffodils]

bison : resident noob dom extraordinaire

context : there was a discourse going on on twitter (as per usual) about whether bison is actually a dom or not or if it's just a trauma response that he may grow out of and eventually realize that he is not into bdsm. or something.

before i begin anything,

disclaimer : OP has both good and bad experience, so this meta/rant is entirely written based on my own understanding and experience within the BDSM community and with partners.

now, let's begin.

the original tweet that sparked the debate (also i think OP's QT aiming at “self proclaimed bdsm connoisseurs” is snooty and entirely dismisses all their arguments before and after that) (but that's just me)

the tweet with the counter argument?? i guess???

in support of the OG tweet

now that i've laid all that out, i'll begin by saying :

the idea of anyone being a “natural dom” or there being something like “natural dominance” in the context of sexual preferences is inherently harmful and sets people, both the dom and the sub, up for having a bad experience, or worse, being abused.

i know this statement wasn't from OP, but considering how they are on about the “bdsm connoisseurs” flooding their mentions, i think they should have addressed this since it's in support of their tweet. anyway.

now, i agree in part with OP's take :

bison is definitely influenced by his entire life being surrounded by violence. we have a young adult who has mostly no control over his life or how he lives it. he has witnessed violence and now he is in the center of it, and nevermind how good he is at his job, bison has made it clear he doesn't want to kill. bison has also told us that “pain kinda excites me.” so, just because his sexual lifestyle might be a trauma response, it doesn't mean he “isn't really a dom” or that his behaviour is “not rooted in natural dominance”. the idea of “natural dominance” is moreover, in my opinion, based on unrealistic patriarchal ideals and if you squint, this is a not so subtle shade on our young twinky dom as well.

so now let's look at bison as he is introduced to us :

witnesses the murder of his parents, clearly traumatized, get “adopted” by some shady ass woman who puts him back into a system where he is the one now inflicting violence, bison realizes at some unknown point of time that he “wants to be in control” because “pain kinda excites me” and purchases all sorts of bdsm paraphernalia, except he never dates because of his profession, until he meets kant who dupes him into trying out s&m, and bison very much enjoys his first play, fast forward to the falling out and kidnapping of kant and the fighting and make-up, and finally the scene in question that sparked the OG tweet :

in this scene, bison admits that he goes out and does fun things, like bowling, right after a kill, to take his mind off it. clearly, he doesn't like it. we already know this, bison has always insinuated to fadel that he wants an out and it's evident he doesn't hunger for the kind of violence he is made to dole out. but this is the first point we see him actually address this and outright say he deliberately does light-hearted activities to disengage from the aftermath of a kill. we also see him admit to the difficulties of a hitman's lifestyle and this particular piece of dialogue shows that whether he enjoys it or not, he is good at his job and he has made his peace with it. so where does his need for control fit in here?

in previous episodes (#2, tattoo parlour scene), bison admits to wanting control in bed, but he doesn't clearly state whether he is the S or the M. coupled with this omission, his “pain kinda excites me” dialogue makes me think he is both into giving and receiving pleasure from pain.

anyway, coming back to the main point, bison's need for control in bed may very well (and i've been suspecting it for a while) arise from his difficult lifestyle and his lack of say in how he lives, considering he is a hitman and (has to) reports to mother probably everything he does. for a 24yo, that's not the best case scenario. assuming bison was immediately adopted after the murder of his parents, he did not have a lot of (if any at all) time to explore himself or live his life in a way he sees fit. we know he sleeps around (that's his M.O. after all in most missions, i believe) and that's probably the only place where he could excersize any control or take charge. but we also know he hasn't done any s&m play before. so with the introduction of kant and the whole bdsm shebang, we can tell bison is exhilarated to finally be calling the shots and leading in bed in a way he and his partner both find pleasurable. and since he has all the tools and knows his own desires, it's safe to assume wants to be a dom. now whether he is or not, let's see.

we'll address the “natural dominance” debate here.

in the very first interaction with kant (who is older, btw, let's keep that in mind), he immediately tells off kant for being patronizing towards him. if you live anywhere in asia, you'll know it's kinda rude to talk back to older people. so even though they are in an informal setting, and the age rules don't apply here as such, bison doesn't shy away from putting kant in his place.

in the red room, we can see kant take the bed but bison walks away from him and takes the loveseat. in this scene, it is clear kant is used to leading, so he expects bison to listen to what he says. but bison (bless my boy), very easily throws him off by remaining seated and gesturing kant to come to him. kant still tries to keep his ground, but ultimately he makes the most pathetic meow meow begging face and that's when bison finally lets him have it. even after this, we can see kant is used to topping and pulling the strings, but bison once again throws him off by saying, “you are not doing this solo, you know?”

this whole exchange immediately defines their roles in the current setting and imo, is a very subtle foreshadowing for their future interactions.

in the tattoo bed scene, bison is excited beyond measure to be finally introducing and sharing his kink with kant and while initially we could see kant trying to lead this interaction, there are subtle signs/actions from bison that shows how he prepares kant for his submissive role : the slap to the hand on his thigh and kant's little flinch and gasp (one of my fave scenes from first, the micro-expressions were outstanding), the little slaps to his cheek before bison departs, etc.

i could go on and on, but the “natural dominance” that QTOP claims bison doesn't have, is actually out there taking a walk in broad daylight lmao. i think their intent was to say that because bison's dominance doesn't exist irrespective of his trauma but actually goes hand-in-hand with it, it's less valid than say, a dom who doesn't have a violent past and trauma related to it.

the question now here would be how good of a dom he is and whether he lets his trauma define his status as a dom. so far, there have been no signs of bison misusing his power and control over kant during a play (i believe we cannot count the drunk bison whipping kant scene here for obvious reasons). but so far, while bison was sober, he hasn't abused his power over kant during one of their plays. until very recently that is, and outside bed, does bison actually makes use of his power over kant : kidnapping and outrageous demands because he is hurting, but, the moment kant uses his safeword, bison drops everything and pulls away. from my experience, bison is very much a good dom so far, but he is also inexperienced, excited, in love, and under-informed (or that bit may just be the sloppy writing).

the word “natural dominance” suggests to me that QTOP expects bison to be in his dom role all the time, but it's not very often that people adapt their sexual preferences and make it into a lifestyle. doms are caregivers (by this, i mostly mean they lead and guide the sub and provide care/pleasure during and after any scene) in bed and outside of it should it be an exclusively d/s relationship with that kind of lifestyle. we haven't seen bison and kant discuss their dynamics or how they are going to implement it anywhere outside a particular scene. moreover, bison so far hasn't indicated that he wants kant and himself to be exclusively a d/s pair. rather, he is very much a romantic and likes doing all sorts of things that a stereotypical younger twinky bottom male in a gay relationship is supposed to do. even in the swing scene, bison is affectionate with kant the same way he was before learning the truth. the only difference we feel now is because bison finally knows the whole truth and is letting himself freely accept affection that he was holding himself back from when he was suspicious of kant's motives (even after getting together with him). so bison's cutesy actions in this ep are not because he doesn't have the dom bone in his body or because he hungers for affection but gravitates towards domination because of his cycle of violence. he is free and affectionate and it feels different now compared to before is because his entire relationship with kant is no longer sitting on a bed of lies and they have both come clean. this ultimately changes their body language and how they interact with each other. therefore, bison's desire to lead is just as strong as his desire to be cared for (leaning on his boyfriend, being cute, cuddly, etc) and both exist on opposing sides of the same sphere that's bison's life.

therefore, i think it's kind of ridiculous to say his actions/behaviour isn't rooted in “natural dominance”. I'm not even sure what that is supposed to mean except that QTOP either thinks bison is supposed to be some caricature dom who likes leading both in bed and outside it. because that, my friends, is not how most relationships (bdsm and otherwise) work. or that he is a christian grey 2.0 (which, 🤣🥹).

so what i urge most readers/watchers to do here is separate bison's innate ability to inflict violence effectively in his job from his desire to dominate and use pain for pleasure in bed. both are different things and not mutually exclusive.

i think most of us need to give up on whatever 50SoG “taught” us about bdsm and actually look at this whole thing realistically. also, i think from all this info it's clear bison isn't gonna change his dom status anytime soon and for valid reasons. so from what we have seen him do so far, i can safely say he knows what he wants and he will very much keep wanting to play with kant while he calls the shots.

therefore it's important that we see bison's character from a realistic pov instead of whatever christian grey was. yes, he craves control because he doesn't have it in most instances of his life. but also yes, he craves romantic affection from his partner because he is a fool in love. both of these things can co-exist. what we need to remember is that just because someone is a dom doesn't mean they only need to be a sadist or be a top (I'm looking you, vegas).

in the future eps, bison might settle more into his skin and he may (however unlikely) realize he doesn't need to demand as much control (not that he is doing that a whole lot now). but, we still have 4 more episodes left and I don't think we'll be covering that anyway. so, my final verdict is bison is very much a dom, but he is a total “noob dom” (as i fondly like to call him) and will get many things wrong before he gets them right. but kant will be there along the way to learn alongside him, so no worries about that.

anyway, rant is over. cheers.

[occultchrysalis]

Why is it that the common interpretation of the Land of the Lustrous fandom is that "Phos did nothing wrong, everyone around them was terrible?" Not only is that not true, but it takes the nuance out of so many complicated characters and just reduces them to shallow good or evil.

For example, one fandom favorite punching bag is Cairngorm. I think we have to remind ourselves that for basically their entire life before meeting Aechma, they HAD ZERO SELF AGENCY.

They were trapped in Ghost for the majority of their life, and after, even when Ghost was gone, the small part of them left was still able to influence Cairngorm so much that Cairngorm was almost driven to suicide for Phos multiple times. Offer their head for Phos, pretend to be Antarc for Phos, you name it. OF COURSE Aechmea villainizes Ghost and Phos, and by extension the rest of the gem society for this, because he knows that isolating Cairngorm will make them cling to him more, and therefore Phos will be alone and easier to manipulate as well.

Cairngorm's complete 180 in personality likely isn't just as a result of them being repressed for the entirety of their life, but also from an extreme repelling of everything gem society was, stood for, and expected of them. They were vulnerable, and Aechmea took advantage of that and took away one of the few people who might've been able to help Phos.

And them there's Cinnabar. Maybe even more divisive then Cairngorm, because they actively try to physically harm Phos at the end, but they’re one of my favorite characters in Land of the Lustrous for exactly that reason.

Cinnabar loved Phos in the beginning because of their earnestness, not because they thought that Phos would actually be able to find a job. They become less and less attached to the actual Phos and more attached to the Phos that once was and will always be in their mind as Phos changes constantly. Even Phos has lost sight of who they were, Cinnabar never did, and I personally interpreted Cinnabar trying to destroy Moon Phos in their final battle not just as an obligation towards gem society, but also sort of as a way to get Moon Phos to come to their senses, or, if that was impossible, to at least “free” the old Phos Cinnabar knew and loved. Cinnabar, in this way, is such as tragic character to me, and there’s so much more I could say if it weren’t for the fact that it’s 1:30 am in New York City right now.

[doberbutts]

Of course- and thanks for the excellent discussion :]

I did think of another one- I don't remember the exact context but again regarding the abortion debate, there was a talk show that invited a bunch of trans people to discuss reproductive rights. But... because they (the cis men and women running the show) had only reached out to trans *women*, the second they got to the abortion and pregnancy care section, basically all of the trans women present went "well idk why you didn't reach out to trans men, that's more their court than ours".

To be clear I do not blame these trans women because from the sound of it, the fault was purely on the cis people who in an attempt to be progressive excluded a huge section of trans people who are directly affected by lack of access to abortion. They spoke out in solidarity to ask why none of the producers had thought that maybe asking a bunch of perisex trans women on their thoughts on abortion was probably not the correct option. They are not my enemies in this.

(To be clear, Cox is also not my enemy. She spoke poorly, was corrected, and took ownership for her mistake and apologized. That's enough for me.)

But the situation still happened- trans men were excluded from a conversation that directly affects us, while trans people who are not affected were included.

And, to be clear, there was recently a YouTube channel in trouble for this in reverse. Plenty of information about testosterone HRT from trans men, and absolutely zero trans women included in the estrogen HRT discussion. This is a problem that unfortunately continues to happen where the (often cisgender!) people having these conversations will then not include the very demographic that absolutely needs to be included.

It's like they see "transgender" and just assume that we all know each other's lives and wants and needs without actually thinking about it logically. It's lazy. And it causes immense amounts of harm to vulnerable people.

I also think that when I see people demanding a *unique* oppression, that they are asking for something impossible and also are very much misunderstanding intersectionality in the first place.

I don't believe any oppression is truly unique. I do think there are faces of oppression that change with the demographic, but more likely than not you as Oppressed Group X have way more in common with Oppressed Group Y than you might think.

But also, Crenshaw's original paper on intersectionality discussed a specific context: black women being skipped over for hire where black men and white women were both getting hired, making that specific context unique to the intersection of black womanhood.

People get skipped over for jobs they are more than qualified for all the time. Even within the paper itself, there is discussion about this happening to black men and white women at other companies, just that this specific company was excluding specifically black women from its pool of candidates due to their specific bias against black women.

Experiencing workplace discrimination and hiring discrimination is not at all unique to black women. The *context* was. It was not "just racism" because black men were being hired, and it was not "just misogyny" because white women were getting hired. It was the intersection of both that resulted in black women being excluded.

When a trans man states that he is being removed from, say, a reproductive rights conversation and it's happening specifically because he is a trans man, what's meant shouldn't be that no one else struggles with reproductive rights. It means that it's not happening to the cis women who are actively leading the conversation, nor is it happening to the cis men who are pitching in. It is, however, happening to anyone with a uterus who is deemed as too "gender devient" to count: trans men, trans women, intersex people, and nonbinary people. Albeit, for different reasons, and the face of which changes depending on the demographic of the person receiving it.

But the conversation around reproductive rights is also one that must include disability, must include race, must include sexuality, must include class, must include age, because these things also have a direct effect on discrimination within the medical field and whether someone truly has access to the autonomy needed to make reproductive choices of their own without others choosing for them.

Similar to how we can understand the context provided in Crenshaw's coining of intersectionality to examine how black women specifically were experiencing something that neither black men nor white women were victim to within that specific example, so too must we understand that these are contextual and circumstantial conversations that will not always be truly unique.

After all, black men and white women do both get rejected for jobs on account of race and gender. Cis women and other marginalized genders frequently must battle for their right to make their own reproductive choices.

But when someone says "this happened to me due to the combination of my race and my gender", we must understand that likely the combination, the intersection, created a unique scenario that cannot be understood by only examining a single piece of that person's identity. So, too, must we understand the same when someone says "this happened due to the combination of my transness and my gender".

So when I see a challenge to name something unique from someone also flinging around the "learn intersectionality" phrase at those who are trying to describe the things that happened to them that hurt them, all I can think is that clearly that person does not understand interaectionality. Nor have they ever actually read the words of the woman who coined it. She's still alive. Her TED talks are on YouTube. Many of her essays are online for free.

Finally, I must remind these people that Crenshaw is not the woman who coined misogynoir, and while both Crenshaw's and Bailey's theories do work in conversation with each other, being discussed by different people does mean there is not a 1-to-1 basis to compare them to. There will be disagreements and inconsistencies between the two because they are two different people.

[transmutationisms]

like there is a (usually subconscious) perception among medical professionals that any degree of patient self advocacy is a threat to their expert status & simultaneously in psychiatry specifically it's ultra important that everyone toe the line because these aren't diagnoses that you can like physically document even.

hgkgj3m i was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with "cluster b" in the psych emergency for patient self advocacy and not backing down on seeing a pain specialist after years of jumping through hoops to no avail... also said the opioid epidemic was a result of gross medical neglect in overprescribing and was now resulting in gross medical neglect the other way w underprescribing

diagnosed with Extra Not A Disorder, i think they literally couldnt decide which "this person is manipulative and sinister" disorder to give me, for undermining their expert status and that of doctors everywhere by not accepting being patronised and pathologised (tried to blame it on hrt, Maybe i would Change My Mind™) and suggesting doctors could be responsible for causing harm ^_^

this patient thinks she knows so much and is better than Me she must be a narcissist... but shes manipulating me she must be evil hysterical woman... but she's icky trans so maybe she's a sociopath (male coded)... but she's making such a big deal out of this maybe she's histrionic... eh it's not like these disorders have quantifiable symptoms lets just say it's the whole category

alright so i generally think this isn't an issue of overprescribing per se (i think drugs should all be legalised and available lol) but one of lying about the risks—whether or not someone 'needs' opioids for a broken ankle, they do need to be told that opioids have addiction potential, and that is information that the sacklers were massaging out of their trial data and that doctors in turn were not telling their patients, even after it was very obvious to anyone doing followups that the risk existed. & like i say this as someone who did start doing opioids because they were around the house lol. i don't think the answer here is that doctors magically become able to determine with pinpoint accuracy who actually 'needs' the drugs—there is no way to eliminate human error from that process, for one, and anyway i think people should be able to make their own decisions on substance use in general. but you have to be doing that with actual full information. but i do certainly agree the underprescribing is an issue—this has always been a problem for people with chronic pain/illness, and media coverage of the 'opioid epidemic' (scare quotes bc i think the epidemic framing is a bad one) has certainly made this worse.

anyway though. this is funny cause i initially got shuttled to psychiatry because i was trying to get my chronic fatigue diagnosed, and i definitely think asking for pills was a factor in the psych deciding i was bpd or hpd or bipolar or whatever he even said lol. you always have to do this little song and dance with them where you showed up to the office of the prescribing professional but now you have to pretend you're not looking for a prescription becsuse if you want it too much that's Bad obviously. and then because PDs in particular and psych diagnoses in general are vibes based, it's literally just the psych announcing in medicalese that they don't like you. if you look at the criteria for some of the PDs they even explicitly include points for how the patient 'makes' the doctor feel akajaksajs like literally i diagnose you with im doing transmisogyny to you

[insert-random-account-name]

Crappy Character Analysis, part 6

I've been putting off this one, simply because I love Contrarian, everyone loves Contrarian, and I was worried I wouldn't do him justice. BTW, if you haven't read any others, I'd recommend at least reading Cold and Stubborn before this one.

part 1 (Broken)

part 2 (Skeptic)

part 3 (Cold)

part 4 (Paranoid)

part 5 (Stubborn

VOICE OF THE CONTRARIAN

Contrarian is my favorite voice, so let’s just get that out of the way. I’m doing my best to give him a fair analysis, but if there are any flaws, that’s probably why. I’d say a good 40% of Contrarian content was added after the Pristine Cut, probably because the fandom loved him so much. He basically lives up to his name. Any time someone says something, he immediately tries to counter it. Slay the Princess? No thanks. The world beyond yours is beautiful? Eh, it ain’t all that. Take the knife? Only to throw it out the window! In fact, throwing the knife out the window is his MO, seeing as he does it in three separate chapters (Stranger, Razor (No Way Out), and Fury (through Adversary)) and the only reason he doesn’t do it in the other two chapters he shows up in is because there are no windows for the blade to go out of. He also dabbles in bending reality, working together with Stubborn to keep you moving without your muscles. He is also, objectively, kind of a jerk. He calls Hero a baby for being upset at whatever abomination you see in the Stranger, refuses to give the Narrator vital information, antagonizes Stubborn by calling him weak, and then proceeds to manipulate him into throwing away your weapon, and then delivers the line that goes to the affect of “Oh, are we lying? I’m happy to be here, and I like all of you.” Of course, he does turn a new leaf at the end of the Stranger, and if you get the Stranger’s cabin at the end, he seems to have matured since the last time you’ve seen him.Contrarian exists to amuse himself. You get him by not taking the consequences of your actions seriously (not going to the cabin, fighting the Adversary unarmed, not taking the blade/stabbing yourself in the Razor, cutting your throat in the Tower). This attitude makes him careless. He wants to sow chaos, start conflicts, and just have fun. His commitment to the bit helps you survive and fight in the Apotheosis and the Fury. Who cares if you die? You were going to anyway. Contrarian doesn’t fully realize the effects his recklessness has on others until it is far too late. In the Razor, if he throws the knife out the window, he thinks of it as a funny bit. But after he realizes that there will be no getting it back, he admits he might have acted too hastily. Something similar happens in the Stranger. There may be a more deep-seated root to his nature, as well. One that most people miss. Contrarian is a contrarian out of frustration. You tried running away from the problem, and now it got worse. Now you have to face it, and he isn’t happy. If he has to confront his own mistakes, well, he isn’t going to make it easy. If he has to be miserable, so does everyone else. He reminds me of Cold, in a way. One turns to indifference, while the other turns to indignation. This point is accentuated by a line in the Stranger ending, where he confesses that he thinks of himself as the worst part of you. In the Stranger, it takes the entire world collapsing in on itself for Contrarian to fully realize the harm he’s caused. Once he sees the bigger picture, he shows remorse, and suggests that you try and help the Princess. In the Stranger ending, when you return to her cabin, he’s had more time to cool down and reflect, and he shows a surprising maturity, holding back on yeeting the blade. This may be the only voice who got significantly more content in the Pristine Cut, yet whose depth lies in pre-Pristine Cut content.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Is there any version of Nightmare across the fandom that you like? Or ones that you think are interesting? [Im a nightmare fan :D. But mostly, particular fanon Nightmare versions. i have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the original Nightmare.]

I don’t care enough about nightmare or most fanon depictions to seek out content of him, but I do like signanothername’s version, as well as the Creature (i forgot what the users name was, the one where nm is very small and treats the gang like pets or toys, is kinda childish).

There’s also byrd’s version, can’t remember the username rn but from the little I have read about, that version is very interesting.

But tbh gang I prefer more canonish depictions of nightmare because fanon just isn’t interesting to me and feels very sanitized most of the time. Most people want him to just be misunderstood and that’s it, but this often comes at the cost of making him “good actually and everyone else is wrong” or “Dream was secretly bad or just mislead and naive” or just plain boring to me.

Not to mention I feel it again overlooks and ignores an opportunity to address or portray things like labor trafficking/modern day slavery, abuse, trauma, etc, because it feels like the fandom just wants everyone to like everyone and get along always and forever and everyone can be redeemed. Which is fine of course, just not for me.

Same way people think people going through the same types of abuse will all become codependent and empathic and love eachother and understand eachother so much even though the environment they’re in actively doesn’t foster that environment and it feels like another trope of the “perfect victim” where everyone is all so empathic and kind and understanding and they all hate their abuser together and trust eachother and will never harm or hurt eachother ever.

Even when their environment does not allow or foster that. Everyone just reacting and responding the exact same way to the same trauma and abuse and horror just feels very unrealistic and boring ig im tryna say as I go completely off topic.

[thedandelionresistance]

I hope this is not derailing, but this is also the exact same shit happening in the disability and plural communities right now as well. The idea that if you don't have a "physical condtion" that you're "able-bodied" and therefore have privilege and are basically an oppressor (when physical symptoms of "mental" conditions are not only common but sometimes part of the diagnostic criteria and vice versa, and mental conditions are just the consciousness-altering symptoms of a neurological condition), and likewise that if you're physically sick you have easy access to care in a way that people with 'mental' illnesses don't. The idea that mental illnesses and neurodisabilities can never be as disabling or affect literal physical access or be as dangerous as physical conditions, while also focusing on mobility disabilities to the exclusion of basically all other physically disabling conditions. Claiming strangers are more privileged than you despite their actual lives contradicting it, claiming universal or general community experiences are exclusive to only one part of the community, using "do not derail" to mean "people who are both physically disabled and neurodisabled we will not believe you in the same way doctors and ables society don't believe all of us".

Same with sys//course, exclusion because of system origin, exclusion because of disordered status.

We've experience more neuroableism and sanism and endomisia online as a traumaendo system, but admittedly we are aware of huge amounts of corpoableism in the disabled community (often more from gatekeepers and exclusionists), and have experienced a lot of plurableism specifically at the hands of sys//meds and anti-e//ndos.

And there's always excuses, ranging from "but I didn't experience this ableism/level or type of disability with my shared neurodiagnosis so you must be lying" to "well technically if you're physically disabled in any way we'll say you count but we'll still harass you off the internet if you claim to be physically disabled from a condition we don't believe that can happen with or significantly affect your life from" to "well because ableists choose to be shitty and bigoted about plurality that's the fault of endogenic nondisordered systems actually" to "well men benefit from patriarchy so trans men do too".

It's exhausting, and those of us in both of the communities/subgroups the discourse centers around and splits into a binary always are left the most vulnerable and the most harmed by it.

I try to avoid conspirational thinking especially because of our schizophrenia but damn sometimes it's hard not to feel like this is a genuine actual psyop meant to divide us and make us blame each other. I keep reminding myself that people who like to deepthroat boot exist in every community and tend to be the type that think "being loud all the time wins arguments" and aren't the majority.

But DAMN do we need to come together as communities of marginalized people and present a united front (yeah, even with people we can't stand as a person, as long as they're not actively backstabbing people), now more than ever.

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.