#but it’s a tragedy this fandom tag is so empty

[tasnia-5812]

So I adore the Sammy Keyes series, I kept up w/ it in elementary and middle school and recently I got back into it thru a reread of the series, tho I’ve been doing it with the audiobooks. And I don’t see people really talk about it (but that’s bc this fandom is kind of dead lol), but the audiobooks are so good! You can really tell that the narrator developed such distinctive voices for the characters as they recorded more books.

There are so many snippets of the audiobooks that just feel iconic to me bc the va put so much work into them! The showdown in sin city in particular really feels like the peak of their performance (probably bc imo it’s the peak of the series too), it’s so good! The iconic Sammy monologue about all of the crazy stuff she did to track her mom down, her mom’s shear confusion at why Sammy would think she would run away to Oregon of all places lol, and Sammy’s internal monologue thru her ups and downs in Las Vegas are just so well done.

The va really makes it feel like this is the inner monologue and life of a middle schooler, their voice doesn’t feel out of place at all, which isn’t the case for as many audiobooks as I would hope. If anyone wants to do a reread of the series, I highly recommend the audiobooks, they’re on another level.

[idlebirdsparagon]

Musings On Sacrifice And Happiness Regarding Ram & Bheem

@hag-lad this snowballed a bit and took me a few days, but I was not making empty promises in the tags; it is done.

All right folks. This little analysis was inspired by this post by @enigma-the-mysterious and is an exploration of Ram and Bheem's attitudes toward their mortality and potential deaths. Neither of these two knuckleheads (affectionate) seem even the least bit apprehensive at the thought of their own deaths and I want to unpack that.

Content warning for talk of death, and disregard for personal safety, as per the movie.

Bheem: "I'll die with pride."

[Note: this section will be a little less of a deep dive into subtext and deeper meaning/conjecture and more a general explanation of the text, mainly because Bheem, barring the necessity of his Akhtar persona, functions narratively as the "what you see is what you get/I said what I meant" type. But it's fun to talk about him, and I'm making a culminating point at the end of this so I need this here for the sake of ✨️balance✨️]

Given his role as the protector for the Gond people, I would argue that it's reasonable to assume Bheem is, at any given point, ready to sacrifice himself for those he considers to be under his protection, whether directly a part of his tribe or not, especially based on the description of the protector given by Venkat Avadhani; yes Bheem is often likened to a tiger within the fandom (I do this too), but I think the imagery presented of a man willing to break a tiger's teeth and pry open its jaws to save someone is incredibly visceral and indicative of how far Bheem is willing to go as just one person.

Bheem lives with the knowledge that there's always a high chance that he will die as a natural outcome of his role among his people, as evidenced by how he doesn't promise his return when comforting Ram, saying instead "If we get out safely, I'll come meet you again."

And if he dies for the sake of ensuring that others get to live, that's a net positive for him; his purpose as protector fulfilled.

His entire line to Ram before he leaves to rescue Malli is a verbal acknowledgement of how much love he holds for his friend and an assurance to Ram that he'll have comfort in his final moments should they come to pass; he's not actively seeking to die, and he'll do his best to avoid dying, but he won't deem it an untimely tragedy should it happen. And having forged such a close friendship with Ram, that's another net positive he's been party to, so he can die with pride having done his job and holding the memory of Ram in his heart in his final moments.

Ram: "I will die gladly, Uncle."

I'm not gonna ease into this idea, I'm too eager so I'm just going to lay it out: Alluri Rama Raju does not live for himself and does not pursue his mission with his wellbeing in mind. Ram operates under the notion of being an instrument of the revolution and, even in times of his most heinous acts, regards himself as such rather than as a person. This is ultimately a topic for another dissection, but to tie it into the point of this post: when a tool breaks, do you weep? Does the tool?

I'm not going to wax poetic about material loss versus emotional loss; there is a nuance there that begs for a much longer word count. However, I will underline the point I'm making about Ram and how he regards his life.

Ram is given the mantle of being the weapon of the revolution at a very young age and we are told that he has worked for 15 years toward his (and his father's) goal; if you subscribe to the ideology that your life is that of a tool meant to achieve a goal, rather than as evidence of a living being, how will that change how you regard that life? Is it something precious outside of the mission?

Ram has a severe reckless disregard for his personal safety; jumping into a throng of protesters with nothing but a lathi as his weapon/protection being the biggest example of this.

(look at him go. wild. i'm armchair diagnosing him as clinically unwell.)

Ram is well aware of his prowess as a weapon and that gives him the confidence and internal permission to take wild risks without a moment's hesitation; he also knows that, ultimately, a weapon, if broken beyond repair, is replaceable; while he isn't looking to break himself, he certainly isn't being precious with his existence either.

And I would posit that he functions on a day to day basis under the need to accomplish his mission, get the weapons for his people and expel the British; beyond that? I wouldn't put money on Ram having planned for the future, or even having thought of making it to whatever future might be there for him. Though this idea is more of a headcanon than anything else; feel free to agree with or dismiss it as you like.

Then comes his ideological shift in the face of Bheem's rousing defiance of the Empire, and Ram's participation in it, in front of the people of Delhi at the whipping post.

Ram is forced to reckon with the fact that in his bid to be the weapon that brings about the downfall of the British Empire, he has effectively put that weapon into the hands of the enemy and allowed it to be wielded against the people he has been trying to liberate, and he knows this. The thought has been building for some time, as evidenced by his letter to Sita, but being ordered to flog Bheem expedited the process of cementing it as truth, with the final acknowledgement of that truth happening during Komuram Bheemudo.

But what to do with that realization?

What do you do when your purpose is thrown at your feet and you're forced to look at the culmination of your life's efforts as something that has been horribly corrupted and been rendered ultimately impotent? Let's me be specific with this rhetorical bit: What is Ram meant to do when looking at his guilt made manifest in the wounds littering Bheem's body, put there by his hand? Guilt that has been looming over his actions since his final shot in his village at his father's back?

(do you ever think about the fact that they show us the moment Ram stopped genuinely smiling until the day he met Bheem?...i do)

After the flogging Ram says Bheem is a volcano; I want to take that metaphor and turn it in my hands a bit to say I'd regard Bheem more as the catalyst for the eruption of people in Delhi, the introduction of magma into the chamber that triggers the previous buildup to come rushing forth; again another analysis for another time. Suffice it to say Bheem's actions and defiance in the face of the British and his torture incite immediate and tangible results in a way that Ram's methods from the inside never have and never would have been able to.

Here's where I'm going to bring it back to the idea of Ram and his happiness to potentially die for Bheem

Ram pins his hopes of a successful revolution onto Bheem. He doesn't seem the type to excuse failure in any capacity in regard to himself, and he has just been made painfully and undeniably aware that what he has been doing for the past 4 years has not been working; time to effectively decommission himself as the weapon. And if he dies, well, such is the way of things, no? Ram is beyond skilled in a great many things, especially combat, but I doubt he's ever regarded himself as invincible, he gets hurt too badly and far too often for that to make sense. Luck eventually runs out. He can do what needs to be done, he has every confidence in that, but he's aware of the possibility that doing so will come at the cost of his life. And with all that he has done up to the point of his about face after Bheem's flogging, he's more than ready to pay that price in his own blood.

Ram's life is not his, at least not by his estimation, and if he can keep Bheem alive, his own life is fine to be forfeit. He can die happy knowing Bheem still lives, with the added bonus of knowing the revolution will continue in his absence. At least in death he will have successfully done something good for his people and country.

To Summarize:

Both men are at peace with the idea of their respective deaths: Ram ultimately because he doesn't see his death as a loss if Bheem is still alive, and Bheem because he doesn't see his death as a tragedy if it means saving the life of another, especially with the knowledge that he can hold his friendship with Ram in his heart as he dies.

Though of course, within the context of the movie, neither of them has to die for the other, and I like to think that after the events of the movie they will gladly keep each other alive and never even think to regard doing so as a burden.

And that's where I'll end this analysis. If you made it this far, or just skipped to the summary, thank you for reading!

[tildeathiwillwrite]

June of Doom Day 3

"Well, well well..." / Hiding / Ambushed / Stalking

Prompts List | Event Masterpost

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 900

Tag List:@juneofdoom @fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @pigeonwhumps @mr-orion

@scaewolf

CW: kidnapping, attempted rescue, recklessness, breaking in, stealth, blood, chained by wrists, injury, gun, gunshots, threats

----------

Snap!

Caretaker winced at the noise, tenderly lifting their foot to reveal the broken branch, trodden upon in their careless haste to get close to the house unseen. They likely needn’t have bothered, the house appeared to be empty. 

But looks can be deceiving. 

Especially in this line of work.

Cautiously, paying more attention to where they put their feet, Caretaker crept along the side of the house until they reached a window. The interior was dark, the light from the setting sun illuminating the rough wooden floor, littered with shattered furniture.

Everything within view was covered in a thick layer of dust and grime. It lined up with what the police had said about the place: no one had stepped inside for years since a particularly violent tragedy beset the previous owners. 

If what Caretaker suspected was true, however….

Their phone buzzed in their pocket.

Caretaker jumped, their heart leaping into their throat before their rational mind caught up. They pulled the device out to find a text from the officer working with them on the case.

Officer: How’s it look? Caretaker: Empty. Officer: Told you. It’s a dead end. Officer: Get back here ASAP

Caretaker stared at the phone, hissing through their teeth. Seriously? Just because the house in the middle of nowhere looked empty, it didn’t mean it was! For all they knew, this was where Whumpee had been taken! And perhaps the dust was left in view of the windows to keep up the appearance of an abandoned murder house.

They peered back through the window, gnawing the inside of their cheek. If it really was as empty as it looked, then… wouldn’t hurt. And if it wasn’t?

Caretaker: I’m going in. If I don’t text within 10 min, call for backup. Officer is typing…

Caretaker didn’t wait for their response, no doubt an all-caps message about how stupid they were being, with an order to get their ass back to the car. They slipped their phone back into their pocket as it buzzed with the angry message, but they ignored it and hesitantly pushed on the window.

The sash slid up without protest, and Caretaker frowned. If the house had been left alone all these years, how come the window opened so easily? And it was unlocked? Suspicious.

They grunted as they pulled themself up on the windowsill and clambered into the house. Dust rose into the air as they stepped lightly onto the floor and crept through the house, taking care not to make too much noise.

Every room was the same. Shattered furniture, scattered garbage, everything covered in dirt and dust. Disappointment rose in Caretaker’s throat with each room they checked. Maybe Officer was right, and this was a bust….

Their eyes fell on the last door. It was shut, but they guessed it led to the basement. Well, if Whumpee would be kept anywhere….

The door creaked softly as they pushed it open, revealing a pool of light at the bottom of the stairs. Caretaker’s heartbeat quickened. Not so abandoned after all.

They hesitantly put their weight on the first step, keeping close to the wall to decrease the chances of noise. Perhaps some kid had broken in to explore and left behind a flashlight. 

Caretaker descended another step. And another. Or maybe they’d left the lights on. 

Another step. Or—

Was that their breathing? Or someone else’s?

They steeled themself and reached the bottom of the stairs. The bare lightbulb on the landing didn’t illuminate much of the basement, but what little they saw made their stomach turn.

Caretaker had seen a lot in their line of work. Cheating partners, domestic abuse, child abuse, missing persons’ cases, cold cases, murders. They’d dealt with many a crime scene, almost to the point of becoming deadened to blood or injury.

And yet the sight of Whumpee, dangling from the ceiling by their wrists, the stench of their blood heavy in the air, the sound of their labored breathing, all of it made Caretaker step back in shock, hand over their mouth, bile rising in their throat.

They shouldn’t be alive.

With the amount of blood on the floor and the extent of their wounds, Whumpee should be dead. Blood loss, shock, sheer exhaustion….

Slam!

Caretaker jumped and spun around, instinctively moving to place themself between Whumpee and the staircase. Heavy footsteps descended the stairs.

Thump. 

Thump. 

Thump.

“Well, well, well…” the newcomer said slowly, pausing just above where the light touched the stairs. “If it isn’t Caretaker, the famous detective. Come to do me in, I presume?”

“What the hell did you do to them?!” Caretaker demanded, voice shaking.

Whumper chuckled, a sound that made the hairs on the back of Caretaker’s neck stand up. “Nothing too terrible. They’re alive, aren’t they?”

“Barely!” Caretaker reached for their phone. “I’m going to ensure that you never see the other side of the prison wall ever—”

Bang.

Caretaker flinched back with a cry as their phone was shot out of their hand, shattering on the ground in a million pieces.

Whumper tsked softly. “Can’t have you doing that, little sleuth. Why don’t you put your hands above your head?”

Caretaker gritted their teeth. They had to wait until Officer did what they asked and called for backup. Until then….

They slowly raised their hands.

“That’s a good little sleuth,” Whumper teased, “a good little sleuth indeed.”

[marvel-ous-m]

Wiggy Wednesday 🧠🪱

I was tagged by @devondespresso @steviewashere and @hotluncheddie !!! Thanks for the tags bros, sending love your way <3

Okay, this one is a little bit sad, TWs for depression and isolation.

I've been having a lot of thoughts about Steve being left alone for so much of his life.

I know this is explored a lot in fandom, but there are some aspects of his isolation that I think are especially heart-wrenching.

Steve, who only spends time with people when he's at school. Mother and Father are on another trip, and they've fired his nanny, so he's ten and alone in a big, big house with no one to talk to. He leaves school on Friday afternoon, only to return on Monday mornings with his voice raspy from disuse. He becomes 'the quiet kid', until he meets a boy named Tommy who gets him out of his shell, a boy who asks him to spend time together on weekends. A boy who helps him speak.

Steve, who immerses himself in social hierarchy as a means of running away from the lonely feeling eating him from the inside out. If he's surrounded by people, he can't possibly be lonely, right? He's able to believe that until high school, when the lonely feeling begins to nag at him again, relentless. It's there when he returns to his empty home, it's there when he's at school and surrounded by his friends, by his teammates, by girls. It's always there. He tries to smother it by shrouding himself in popularity, then tries to drown it by throwing parties where he gets so drunk he can't see straight. Still, at the end of the day when he finds himself wrapped in a plaid comforter with matching patterned walls surrounding him, it is only the loneliness that remains.

continued below the cut

Steve, who finds a reprieve from the crushing feeling of isolation after a moment of absolute tragedy. Barbara Holland's life was taken too soon, in his own home, and Steve's loneliness is replaced by an overwhelming sense of guilt. He's never alone, though- he has Nancy at his side constantly. She's experiencing a similar kind of guilt, despite how many times Steve tells her it's not her fault. Steve's not alone, because her guilt keeps his company. He hates how her pain helps to relieve his own. The guilt grows.

Steve, who has his loneliness return with force, the guilt still unrelenting, after the events of Halloween, 1984. He has no one. Nancy is with Jonathan, and Steve's fairly certain that there's no hope of repairing that relationship. Tommy and Carol are a no-go, and all the teammates that he once called his friends are drawn to Billy like moths to a flame. They were never his friends, anyways- not really. They gravitated towards his popularity, his ability to put them in the spotlight. His reputation had soured, now. His name is only spoken by those gossiping about his fall from grace. It made sense that people wouldn't want to be associated with that. If he was in their shoes, he'd distance himself, too.

Steve, who finds himself becoming quiet again. Who was never called on much by teachers anyways, who doesn't have anyone to talk to, who returns to an empty house and an empty room every night. The loneliness becomes his shadow, and his light is extinguished by its darkness.

Steve, who finds himself abandoning his plaid walls in favor of driving around town into the late hours of the night. He calls it 'patrolling' when anyone asks- but really, questions have only come from Hopper once or twice, when the chief has had the bad luck of being stuck on the night shift. He drives until his eyes get dry from strain, then drives some more, until he begins to feel tears, until he's sobbing in the front seat, his hands banging against the steering wheel and his throat raw from his screaming. He drives until his body gives up, until the loneliness swallows him whole and the aching pain is gone, replaced by an eerie nothingness that has become all too familiar and painfully comfortable. He pulls over, then. He finds a spot hidden by trees and parks his car, then curls up in the backseat, exhaustion overtaking him.

Steve, who lives off of too few hours of sleep and too many bad dreams for months, until he's approached by the weird kid with curly hair, who asks him if he needs a place to say, who says that he's seen Steve sleeping in his car some nights.

Steve, who feels seen for the first time by a super senior that has been deemed The Freak of Hawkins High.

Steve, who tentatively opens himself up to the friendship.

Steve, who soon finds newfound solace in his nights, surrounded by the hazy comfort of smoke from a shared joint and the loving hold of a boy who sees him.

Loneliness is nowhere to be found.

No pressure tags!! (I know it might not be Wednesday in your timezone anymore but time is an illusion!!): @klausinamarink @hairstevington @pearynice @withacapitalp @lightoftheseraph @eyesofshinigami @scriptorbemi @sourw0lfs annnnd @ YOU! <3

[bananasfosterparent]

I'm gonna be real, I'm very worried that Larian is going to try & make AA even more overtly the "bad choice" in their next patch (they promised some epilogue animations). I just really don't understand why the antis have to be so obnoxiously loud telling a company to change THEIR game because of a way they choose to interpret something. Isn't the whole point of an RPG that you're allowed to craft a narrative around the narrative-- but to pressure the writers into editing their hard work because they "don't like it" is just so,,,,..ugh

I just wish people would stop infantilizing the crap out of Astarion as a character. They give him all these sweet HC when half of them are just Wyll.. Like the "I can fix him" complex has rotted our society

Honestly? I'm not worried about it at all.

Mostly because I don't think Larian cares lmao At least, not in that way.

Get ready, it's 1am, I had my meds, and had some caffeine, so here comes ramble :D

They want to please their fans, and while spawn fans make up a majority of the Astarion side of the fandom, and there may be (speculated) peices in place to make AA seem worse in-game with these updates....I honestly don't think Larian as a whole cares enough to join in on the one-sided righteousness battle.

They made this game for the purpose that most AA fans (at least, ones I know) use it for: roleplaying, as you pointed out. And I'm very sure they aren't blind to just how one-sided the discourse is.

For example, on the official Larian Discord server, AA fans voiced their opinion on the Tav/Durge expressions in the new AA kisses. And from what I saw, the opinions were presently respectfully and with the roleplay experience in mind. How the expressions aren't ideal for evil roleplay. But after that, the same suggestions thread got clogged with anti-AA players begging Larain to "not destroy the narrative" they've apparently been telling and to not listen to us "delulu" AA fans. And the threads were locked by a mod and cleaned up, to "prevent bullying". I think Larian sees clearly who is focused on quality of roleplay and who is focused on arbitrary arguments.

Because the evil endings aren't supposed to be satisfying to those who don't play them. They aren't supposed to be a moral lesson to the player. It's not that meta (no matter how some people want it to be). It's not that type of game. The evil endings are supposed to be satisfying for those who enjoy playing those endings.

It's supposed to be a different experience. Empty and lonely, sure! But it's still meant to be rewarding for the player. Otherwise, it would be pointless to offer as a roleplay style.

I don't think Larian anticipated so many of us would prefer playing evil like this. I think the idea was for it to be a thing you do after you get bored of playing a few good solo runs. It also doesn't make any sense to spend time and money on an ending, just to slap the player on the wrist for choosing it. They see from the stats how often people make certain choices. People play evil in this game for a lot of reasons, but one big one is because it's just good, devious fun! And without any actual, real world consequences. And I think they see that more than anything. I assume you're also talking about the new evil ending updates?

This phrasing from the first article I saw about it is promising to me that these updates will be satisfying for those who actually enjoy playing/romancing evil--as a positive dark romance and not as some abusive romantic tragedy.

I hope "satisfying narrative conclusions" means that the player can enjoy it for their roleplay. And doesn't just mean the endings are rounded out, but the player gets "punished" in the end. I mean, what are you being punished for exactly? Having fun? SERIOUSLY. Any anti-AA fans lurking the tag care to explain exactly WHY you want people to be punished for playing evil in a video game? I really don't get that. And I don't think Larian cares to do that to their consumers.

Truthfully... I'm hoping the new evil ending fixes will fix Minthara's bugs for one thing. But I also am hoping that it will give us some good AA content. I don't even want to speculate... I'm just gonna wait and see!

AND YES. The infantilization of Astarion and the whole concept of "oh what a cute helpless silly lil bby gorl who needs saving from himself, must be protected and shown who he should be because my Tav/Durge knows best for someone they barely know who's a different creature from them entirely" is...just...

They want a mix of Wyll and Gale but with Astarion's face, voice, and body.

[thelordofgifs]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @sallysavestheday and @grey-gazania! I was eyeing this one and hoping for a tag, some great questions here.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 51, although one's a podfic.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 250,683. More than half of which is from last year alone!

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently exclusively the Silmarillion, with the occasional little LoTR ficlet.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? the fairest stars, Inflection, an ancient song, all those that follow, Ilimbë. I'm always surprised by an ancient song's popularity – it was a pretty low-effort ficlet – but a solid list nonetheless!

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, always! (Glances nervously at the pile I've accumulated in the last couple of weeks of travelling). I love replying to comments, though. It's so nice to be able to engage with all my lovely thoughtful readers and their excellent thoughts!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ever an anguish that pursued is pretty bleak. before the black gale is also a tragedy of sorts, though I'm not sure that makes it qualify as angsty as such.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Ilimbë ends quite joyfully, although while writing the final scene I did have the shadow of their unhappy future in mind! I think the cleaving's ending is also quite happy, or at the very least cathartic.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, thankfully! All my readers have been very kind and appreciative <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Three fics so far! All of which were gifts for friends, and made me push my boundaries a little. I'm proud of all of them, though! Smut is less scary than I used to think :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No, never! If I did, it would probably be more of a retelling/AU than straight-up having characters from different fandoms meet.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No – I fear I am rather too much of a control freak for this, and would rather not inflict myself and my pedantry on an unsuspecting co-writer.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Russingon... it's the forbidden romance and the doomed nature of it all and the fact that love wasn't enough to save them :( also the murders, of course.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? boats against the current, the "Maedhros doesn't swear the Oath" AU I blithely started back in 2022, is simply not going anywhere at any sort of speed. Perhaps this is the year! Let's see.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and characterisation! I'm good at emotional beats, I think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Description... I tend to write VERY minimally and then have to go back on edits and add in some descriptive language so that the entire story isn't just two talking heads in an empty room. Always very pleased when people compliment my descriptions for that reason – they take conscious effort!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Fine if it's footnoted, I think. I tend to avoid it on the basis that all the dialogue I write has been "translated" from one of Tolkien's languages anyway; and I don't know any real languages well enough to write fic in them.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter, although I've soured on the fandom now for obvious reasons :/ For a while I used to think that I could still enjoy the books I loved so much growing up while separating them from the author, but she's so continually hateful and bigoted that I just... can't gain any enjoyment from the franchise anymore. Which is painful, but I'm glad I have the silm fandom to absorb all my creative energy now!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? the fairest stars! My weird gremlin baby, I love it so. I never expected to care about this fic as much as I did, but I've poured so much thought and heart into it that it was perhaps inevitable. And it's taught me so much about writing cliffhangers :)

No-pressure tags for @eilinelsghost, @searchingforserendipity25, @welcomingdisaster, @that-angry-noldo, @swanmaids, @echo-bleu, @jouissants, @tanoraqui and anyone else who, like me, was eyeing this one hoping to be tagged – @ me and say I tagged you!

[tideswept]

⛵️ Five Fandoms, Five Ships ⛵

Get to know the blogger, via five different ships from five different fandoms!

I was tagged by @dark--whisperings and @kingdomvel! (and possibly someone else, sorry if I missed you!)

[I will also not be including Obikin because C'MON]

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

Sarah Williams/Jareth (Labyrinth)

One of these days I'm going to disappear. Nobody will know where I went. Seasons will pass. My name will become a dusty thought you think of occasionally, but not often.

THEN ONE DAY, I WILL RETURN. I'll be emaciated and weak. I'll be dragging a 500,000 word fanfic (in a USB, I'm not a monster) and I will press it into your hand, and I will say, "It was... my seven year old self... she finally broke lose.... held me prisoner.... forced me to write this... " and then I will close my eyes.

You'll think I'm dead. Turns out I'm just sleeping and incredibly dramatic about it. And it'll be the most indulgent fic in the world, filled with glitter EVERYWHERE.

2. Dom Toretto/Brian O'Connor (Fast & Furious)

SOON. I WILL WRITE THIS SOON, I SWEAR TO GOD. It needs to be soon. I'm ready. My heart has healed from the loss of Paul.

tbh I'm always a bit shocked at how this series blew up. I'm not mad, though. It got me more movies with them getting to be them.

3. Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin (Kingsman)

My beloved. Let me cradle you close and weep over what that terrible sequel did. I really wish I'd been here when the fandom for it was alive--alas, I am left to wander through the great architecture that was left behind, peer into the empty homes, and listen to the echoes of a thousand voices laughing, crying, chatting.

4. Wriothesley/Neuvilette (Genshin Impact)

I really didn't expect to like these two together as much as I ended up. But dang it, they're so funny together. Wriothesley is one of the people who most gets Neuvilette... and yet he's still clearly baffled by him constantly, in the most "oh God, you're so weird and silly and so dead serious about it" kind of way.

5. Emet-Selch/Azem(/Hythlodaeus) (Final Fantasy XIV)

I can't really say anything about this ship that wouldn't be spoiler-y as all get out, (even including a gif would be iffy!) so all I'll say is... my god, the pain. The tragedy. The ever-lasting flame of hope, the desperation, the endless, endless loneliness and longing.

It won't be forgotten.

TAGGING @ragnarlothcat @sky-kenobye @olivejuice96 @dream-about-dancing @usakostar

[hxhhasmysoul]

so someone compared gojou to leorio, and came to the conclusion that gojou is better...

hxh is my comfort fandom, these are my comfort tags, especially in these trying times in the jjk tags. please don't bring that shit here, especially not the gojou shit. is it not enough that you people try to make the whole juju fandom about that man? must you go into other fandoms and do the same?

ok so tldr: leorio slays. gojou is an irresponsible man with a god complex who failed and traumatised the people close to him, especially the people in his care several times.

leorio didn't adopt anyone, but leorio cares about his friends and he has devoted his time and attention and care to them. he worked with them throughout the exam. he went to save killua from his fam even though killua was a little shit to him. he reunited with his friends in york new. he tried to do stuff when gon was dying. all this while being in med school, and being neglected by togashi.

gojou took megumi in as a power play between himself, the elders and the zen'in. then couldn't bring himself to teach megumi anything. worked hard for megumi to honestly dislike him and honestly have responses to him that signal childhood trauma. and then did nothing to save megumi from sukuna. he actually trash talks megumi during that fight. i will not go into it more because i already have.

their friends drowning i emptiness is true but. leorio has always actively shown interest in kurapika and supported them as much as he could, despite pikachu trying their hardest to ghost their friends. gojou let getou to rot in his fascist thoughts. and then was sad about what happened next...

gojou was born into wealth and privilege and had been worshiped since birth, he'd been created for greatness. he'd always been arrogant. his irresponsibility is the partial cause of most of the tragedy in jjk. his goal was to make his world better but only a smidge, with no true change. because true change of the jjk world would've made him lose his god-like status and rendered the title of the strongest meaningless. he has accomplished nothing and abandoned those ideals as evidenced by him appointing gakuganji as a leader of the jujutsu society and didn't try to save megumi or how he readily dumped the responsibility on his students when he got sealed in shibuya.

leorio came from poverty and lost his best friend to poverty. he's disillusioned by the world. he truly cares about the injustices and the weak. his goal is true change. whether he can accomplish that is unlikely. but he's staying true to it. he's strong but not the strongest. but he makes as much as he can out of what he has and has developed a technique that could save countless lives. his technique literally reaches outwards when gojou's concentrates on himself.

[midnightpink]

on a string

read it here on ao3

Wanderer is artificial skin stretched over fake limbs and gaping cavities and he was never meant to be anything else. His mother gave him a heart and then she took it away and that was the first time he realised that not being empty is a privilege reserved for humans and gods and that he will never be able to become either. — Horrifyingly, the next thing that comes out of Wanderer’s mouth is, “Where have you been staying then?” “Here and there,” Kazuha muses, looking up at the sky. The sun is coming down hard and Wanderer can see the bottom of his smile like this. “Why?” he inquires, a teasing glint to his eyes when he meets his gaze again. “Are you offering?” “No,” Wanderer snips and turns around, successfully ending this conversation by walking away.

Or: Wanderer wants to be human so badly he forcefully dehumanises himself to cope (a tragedy in three parts)

by: lonelydoctors

Words: 23,748, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English 

Fandom: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Kaedehara Kazuha, Scaramouche (Genshin Impact)

Relationship: Kaedehara Kazuha/Scaramouche

Additional Tags:  Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Past Kaedehara Kazuha/Kaedehara Kazuha's Friend, Scaramouche is Called Wanderer (Genshin Impact), Scaramouche Being an Asshole (Genshin Impact), Touch-Starved Scaramouche (Genshin Impact), Scaramouche Needs a Hug (Genshin Impact), Enemies to Lovers, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Childhood Trauma, (kinda), Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Borderline Personality Disorder, There Was Only One Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Explicit Sexual Content, Top Kaedehara Kazuha, Crying During Sex, Gentle Sex, Identity Issues, the mortifying ideal of being treated gently for the first time, don't you just love it when character a thinks of himself as unloveable, and character b loves them as if it's breathing, let wanderer be loved!!!

[singeart]

Fic Writer Q+A

tagged by @mytardisisparked, thank you! <3

1. Why do you write fanfic?

I write if I feel like there's something left out of canon for me to explore or an idea I want to talk about, or to make my own comfort fics hehe

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I am always thinking about Kathryn Janeway, PI, I want her to have a whole series of adventures (especially with Chakotay) but I haven't figured out how to make it work (yet??)

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Trust the process, trust it!!!! You will figure out how to write the thing I promise just give it time and take breaks if needed! Also your style will change and that's okay it doesn't mean you're getting worse at writing ToT there's no wrong way to do this it's for fun!!!

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

Every kudos, comment and bookmark gives me the warm fuzzies!! But sometimes I get stuck on wondering why one fic didn't get as much attention as another...

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss writing J/C soo much but I have little to no ideas. I love their tragedy and drama and I love giving them a happy ending afterwards <3

6. What motivates you to write?

An idea I think is really good, curiosity about what other people will think, funsies

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

I've written for Star Trek Voyager and The X Files because I am in love with the otps I have for them

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

Cry Take a multi-day break or work on my drawing ideas for a while instead

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

Leave comments on old fics, do it, the author will be so happy

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

Nay, head empty

Tagging: anyone and everyone!

[loserchildhotpants]

Fic Writer Q & A

Tagged by @casdeans-pie :3333 (thank you for tagging me!!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on loserchildhotpants I've got 151

on someonetoanyone I've got 30

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

on loserchildhotpants it's 1,614,148

on someonetoanyone it's 370,992

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Oh, so many. Right now, I'm writing strictly for Supernatural bc i have too many ideas to split my time lmao but I still v much enjoy writing for Good Omens, Star Trek, Star Wars and IT : )

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

On loserchildhotpants my top 5 fics by kudos are:

Madman and a Fool (w over 9k kudos y'all are insane ilu)

Seeing Wolves (Where There Are No Wolves)

Just to See You Again

Derek Hale's Possible Heart

The Witching Hour

And honorable mention to surprising me by showing up in 6th place: The 'Do Not Fucking Touch Me' Tour which is my reddie post-canon fic that i wrote an entire, original, actual stand up routine for skjdhf

On someonetoanyone my top 5 fics by kudos are:

Being Lead Home

Threw Stones At The Stars (But The Whole Sky Fell)

Years of Sorrow Wash Away

What Used to Be Mine

Perihelion

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I try my best to reply to every single comment a person leaves on any and all of my fics, no matter how old! I hope it encourages them to KEEP writing comments, not just to me, but to any authors. Fic authors suffer a huge disparity between kudos/views/bookmarks and actual comments written. The ratio sucks so bad, actually, it's kinda disheartening.

There's a big difference between eating someone's homemade cookies at an event and giving them a thumbs up before walking away, and staying at the table to tell them how the texture and sweetness was PERFECT, and they don't even usually like snickerdoodles, but you made them so well, they want more and more, they're so glad you're at the event and so glad you brought your cookies!! -- like, that really is the difference between leaving a kudos and comment. Comments are my lifeblood.

I've also made great fandom friends in the comments section of my fics lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

On loserchildhotpants the angstiest angst I ever wrote is in the Angst November collection for kylux -- none of them have happy endings, and happy endings are sort of my staple! It was fun to write a series of tragedies though. Beyond that, probably my kylux series Not About Angels

On someonetoanyone, probably The Levee Breaking, which is just a specific scene rewrite that offers an alternative to Despair where Cas' body is left behind by The Empty or One And Only, Time And Again which is endverse, so.....

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A curious question! The HAPPIEST? Huh.... uh.

On loserchildhotpants probably Seeing Wolves (Where There Are No Wolves) or Madman and a Fool. The endings for both those fics are gooey and tooth-rotting lmao

On someonetoanyone maybe Being Lead Home or It Won't Be Perfect ? idk this is a hard question lmao what makes a happy ending happier than another?? sdljkfh

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes! I have had to delete several fics in the past because the threats, suicide-baiting, slurs, and absolute vitriol was actually too much for my heart.

One of the reasons I made a new account was to outrun that sort of abuse. There were people that knew and fucking hated loserchildhotpants and among several other reasons, i decided making a new account was a good idea, but the hate i got on fics under loserchildhotpants was definitely a contributing factor.

I've had people be shitty about my fics on someonetoanyone in the bookmarks and on twitter and tumblr but not on the fics themselves.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i write so much smut sldkjfhsldkjfhksdhj now, i'm generally a p vanilla smut writer; some end-of-fic, on-top-of-the-covers w the lights on missionary stuff, but I've been widening my horizons as of late.

I went outside my typical comfort zone for Red, Red, Red (sterek), and Arrows Made of Desire (sterek), and I've got an unpublished WIP on someonetoanyone rn that's sitting in the drafts and it's... perhaps the most animal, insane, monsterfucking smut i've ever written lmao sdlkjfhsdkfjh but y'know, after writing so many years of original flavor smut, you wanna take up new challenges!

Like, im not into food play, so i would have never thought of it on my own, but someone prompted me w it and i was like '.... you know what, i bet i could write the shit out of that' and i did! lmao (the fic in question is on someonetoanyone; Lost In The Sauce lmao) it's not my usual gig, which made it exciting and new and fun! so, i'm usually v vanilla but i am starting to try new flavors lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not written any crossovers, but I'm attempting my first one! It's for a dear friend, and I'm trying to make it just right, but this is way harder than i thought it would be lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Several! Oh my god, so many of my fics have been stolen, and I always find out through a reader. Someone always lets me know through a comment like 'hey, head's up, [x] has literally copy and pasted this entire work and replaced the names w their current ship' and every time my shit is stolen or reposted on different sites without credit, i see fuckin red, dude.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many! I was going to list them here, but it's actually a v long list lol if you look at my top kudos'ed fics on loserchildhotpants, you'll find several translations and podfics of those available, and i think maybe two of my fics on someonetoanyone have been translated as well : )

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Sorta? We haven't published it yet, but once it is published, I'll have officially cowritten a fic lol check back in

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i have stared at this question for 5 full minutes i have no idea sdkjfhlsdkfjh i can't choose!!!! i love them all so much T A T my top five IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER are probably destiel, bagginshield, kylux, spirk, and johnlock (this list being comprised of who i have read the most fic for - although, sterek also deserves a spot tbh)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I do not have an unfinished work currently that I have no intention of going back to. A few months ago, I went to loserchildhotpants and deleted all unfinished works that would not be finished, so if it's still up on AO3, it's JUST a hiatus and i WILL be returning to it someday

16. What are your writing strengths?

... uhhhh... huh. Does tangential, narrative metaphor count? Tbh I'm not sure. When folks have told me what they specifically like about my writing, the consensus has been that it 'feels like [i am] ripping [the reader's] heart apart and then tenderly putting it back together' and that my stories on the whole are 'satisfying.'

I have a certain speaking cadence, and I write like a talk, and I talk like I write, so people can usually hear it in their heads as they read. Whenever I am composing what I hope is a deeply emotional crescendo, it appears to land ?

Again, no idea what I'm doing there, idk the technical word for that. Maybe pacing? But it feels tied to diction too... composition ??? idk skdljhfksjdh if anyone's got an answer to this, lemme know

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Exposition and character introduction skdjlfhslkdjhf too many years of writing fic have allowed me to neglect these skills and i'm really bad at them. i just hate exposition!! just let me psychically transfer the information to you!! how do i write out the rules of the universe in a way that doesn't feel like a boring info-dump ??? thiS IS HARD

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Back during my FF dot net days, I'm p sure my first fic was an Inukag fic for Inuyasha. Back in the day, I majorly wrote for Inuyasha, OHSHC, HP, Death Note, Star Trek and South Park. But yeah, I think the first time i was like 'i need these two to kissy kiss right on the LIPS' was when i was 10 and watching Inuyasha for the first time sljkdhfskjdfh

Idk who to tag! If you see this and you want me to tag you in future stuff like this, consider yourself tagged by me! I'll make a mental note!

[ao3feed-ateez]

Certitude in Oh Hazia!

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/yjAVGPi by Gwen_Ea Tears streamed down his cheeks in a parade of pain as he clung to the bed, crushed by the overwhelming weight of his thoughts. A sigh of lament escaped his lips, accompanied by tremors and silent screams that echoed in the emptiness of the night. What had he done wrong? All he ever wanted was Hongjoong's happiness, so why had he been condemned to this endless agony? The reality of his situation hit with devastating force, and Seongwha was willing to do anything to right his wrongs. Nothing mattered if Hongjoong wasn't there; he was ready to beg gods or demons for his beloved. His determination was unshakable: he would do whatever it took to ensure Hongjoong found the peace and happiness that had been stolen from him. Seongwha knew that only when his beloved was safe from the danger that had led to his death could he find his own redemption. Words: 2060, Chapters: 1/20, Language: English Fandoms: ATEEZ (Band) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: M/M Characters: Kim Hongjoong, Park Seonghwa, Jeong Yunho (ATEEZ), Kang Yeosang, Song Mingi (ATEEZ), Choi San (ATEEZ), Choi Jongho (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ), Park Seojoon, Original Characters Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa Additional Tags: Top Kim Hongjoong, Park Seonghwa Needs a Hug, Park Seonghwa is Bad at Feelings, Park Seonghwa-centric, Regression, Slow Burn, Kim Hongjoong is Bad at Feelings, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa in Love, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy, Trauma, Fake Marriage, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Violence, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Boys In Love, Sexual Tension, Villain Jeong Yunho (ATEEZ), Princess Song Mingi (ATEEZ), Minor Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Minor Choi San/Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/yjAVGPi

[xeiin-n]

✎ About Arisa

||• Arisa •||• 17 •||• She/Her ▪︎||

Masterlists ◇ More about me ✧

╰┈➤ Fandoms;

Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Demon Slayer, Oshi no Ko, Haikyuu, Tokyo Revengers, BNHA, EnStars, Ninjago ++

╰┈➤ Fandoms; K-pop & Pop

Engene & Swiftie

ೃ⁀➷ Passengers of Getaway Car ↙ @luvvy04, @lazyalani, @rilzaly .ೃ࿐

╰┈➤ Socials;

Instagram: @xeiin.n_

Twitter: @wonnieswcct

Discord: cli.o#2900

Wattpad: @xeiin_n

BYF ¡!

♧ I DO NOT WRITE SMUT¡!

♧ MOSTLY FLUFF, ANGST, ROMANCE, TRAGEDY!¡

☆ I am quite an eccentric human being ;>

☆ I like to reblog posts and contents that I find to my liking <3

☆ I accept dms, but I usually end up emptying my social battery (つд⊂)

♤ I'm lazy asf (might not post much :'>)

DNI !¡

◇ If you're racist, rude, sexist, or you have anything bad to say. (I accept criticism but never tolerated a rude one)

◇ Kindly leave if you don't like my content or how I write my stories.

|| Note; Please do not steal my works. Refrain from posting it on other sites without permission. I do not tolerate Plagiarism

|| Note #2; If created a story that was inspired by mine, kindly tag and mention me, Thank you! \^o^/

I'm new to this whole thing, so I hope to get along with everyone. Dw, you can interact with me! Luv y'all .ೃ࿐

#xeiin-n

[skymaiden32]

Mariana Trench

Fandom: Stingray

Tagging: @dragonoffantasyandreality @thundergeek59 @janetm74 @katblu42 @liseylou @amistrio @uniwolfcorn (Please ask if you would like to be alerted when I update or write new stories)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3: The Abandoned City | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

------

It had been a few days since what the aquanauts of WASP would later dub ‘The Tragedy of Lemoy’. The second they’d gotten confirmation that Titan and his forces were no longer on the island, they’d searched the place from top to bottom. But there was no sign of any Aquaphibian influence. The place had been cleared out completely. Even the house where Phones had once been examined by a psychiatrist was void of any inhabitants, although Phones felt vindicated when he found a comms system hidden there. He knew he hadn’t been hallucinating that day. It must’ve been an agent of Titan messing with him.

The feeling didn’t last long. Troy was still missing, and it seemed like WASP’s only option was to lead an expedition down to Titanica. Marina had returned to duty by now, and despite her obvious want to join Phones down there, Commander Shore had expressly forbidden it. Phones couldn’t help but agree. He’d do anything to protect Marina from her former captor if need be. He wouldn’t fail her like he’d failed Troy.

Atlanta had been inconsolable when she’d learned what had happened to her boyfriend on Lemoy, and had been giving her father the cold shoulder ever since, angry that the Commander had agreed to the Treaty in the first place. As much as Phones agreed though, he couldn’t stay angry at Shore for long. In times like these, they should do their best to stick together, not be torn apart at the seams. That’s what Titan would want. Hopefully, Marina would be able to convince Atlanta to make amends with her family while Stingray was out.

Ordinarily, it was protocol for a WASP submarine to have at least a crew of two, a Captain to command and a Lieutenant to operate the hydrophones. But Stingray was different to the other WASP subs. You needed special training to operate it. There was no time to train another person, and the previous Captain of Stingray, Bradley Holden, was nowhere to be found. They knew he was serving elsewhere in a different organisation, but they had no clue exactly where. Likewise, Holden’s former crew were also scattered, and couldn’t be reached. So it had been decided that Phones would be in command, as the person with the most experience in Stingray. Lieutenant Fisher would operate the hydrophones.

Phones sat in his usual seat, waiting for the all clear to launch the submarine. Fisher was sat behind him in Marina’s seat. Phones’ gaze drifted sadly to the empty Captain’s seat, sending out a silent plea for Troy to be okay. 

Atlanta’s voice drifted through the tannoy as the alarms signalling Stingray’s launch sounded through Marineville. “Tower to Stingray. Immediate launch.”

Within seconds, Stingray was out of her pen and traversing the deep blue around Marineville. “Stingray to Tower. Seabourne.”

“Good luck, boys. Bring him home, if you can…” Shore said through the radio. 

Phones found himself nodding, even though he knew the Commander and Atlanta couldn’t see it. “PWOR.”

------

“Why aren’t we being fired at?” Fisher asked, peering over the dashboard to stare incredulously at the city. “They would’ve noticed we’re coming by now, right?”

Phones frowned. “We are trying to get in undetected, but you’re right. Titan’s never hesitated to fire on us before…”

“Maybe…” Fisher hesitated before making a suggestion. “Maybe they’ve abandoned the city, so we can’t find Troy and bring him back home.”

Phones’ eyes widened. “I think you’re right. It’s the only thing that makes sense…” His heart screamed for his best friend’s safety once more. Who knew what Titan could be doing to him? “It makes me wonder though…”

“What exactly is Titan planning for him?”

A moment of silence passed between the two men before Phones said something. “Get to the aquasprite. Just because we’re sure the city is abandoned doesn’t mean it necessarily will be. We’ll approach with caution...”

------

Shore nervously poked his head round his daughter’s door, grimacing when he saw Atlanta glaring daggers at him. Marina sat next to her on the bed, braiding the humans hair in an attempt to keep their minds off things. The merwoman was also staring at him, but the expression was a lot sadder. “Ummm… Honey?” The gaze somehow became much harder than before. Despite his anxiety, the father pressed on. “Can we talk?”

Atlanta stared at him for a few more seconds before huffing, giving in. “I guess.” She looked down, unable to meet her father’s eyes anymore, but the sound of his mechanical wheelchair seemed to echo through the room as he approached. Marina gently laid a hand on her shoulder, gesturing something. Atlanta’s eyes widened. “You… wanna leave us to talk in private?” Marina nodded, causing Atlanta to sigh. She could really use the calming presence of her friend right now, but Marina was right. This particular conversation between father and daughter was fairly personal.

“Thank you, Marina…” Shore said quietly as the mute woman left the room. “Feel free to barge in if you hear things getting messy, though.” Marina grinned, giving the pair a thumbs up as the door closed behind her. Shore turned back to his daughter. “Stupid question, but are you okay?”

Atlanta huffed. “What do you think?”

“I’ll take that as a no…”

“What were you thinking?” Atlanta would’ve snapped if she had just a bit more energy, but she just felt so drained. “You knew that the Treaty might’ve been a trap. Troy warned you. I warned you. Fisher warned you. The whole base warned you. You know what Marina went through as Titan’s prisoner. And yet, you went through with it anyway…” Shore didn’t even try to argue. He felt as though he deserved every ounce of hostility his base was throwing at him. He’d really messed this up. He’d let them all down, Troy and Atlanta especially. Shore just listened as his daughter continued to rant. “Titan has Troy. He has my boyfriend. Who knows what could be happening to him right now, all because you were too stubborn to listen to the warnings...” She reached slowly for the single photo frame that adorned her dresser.

Atlanta fell backwards on the bed, running a hand down her face as she looked at the photo. It had been taken only a week prior to the announcement of Titan’s supposed surrender. Her father had commissioned that photos be taken of the crews of every WASP vessel currently serving at Marineville. She’d been included in the Stingray photo, along with Fisher, as they’d often assist on missions from time to time, so she’d been given a copy. Atlanta sighed wistfully as the tips of her fingers gently brushed the image of her boyfriend’s face. She clutched the frame to her chest, fighting back tears, although a few managed to trickle down her cheek. Neptune, she missed him so much…

She looked up at her father when he laid a hand on hers. “No words…” He hesitated. “No words can ever convey just how sorry I am, Atlanta. I should’ve listened. To all of you. I was just afraid of what Titan would do if I refused…” Shore sighed. “You don’t have to forgive me. You can hate me for this all you want. But I just want you to know, that I will do everything in my power to help track them down, and make this right. I promise…”

“I could never hate you, no matter what mistakes you’ve made. You’re my dearest papa, and I couldn’t imagine life without you.” The man was blindsided when Atlanta wrapped him up in a tight hug. “Thank you, Father…”

“No. Thank you, honey…”

On the other side, Marina lifted her ear from the door, smiling. They’d be okay…

------

Titanica was quiet. Too quiet. The lights were on, evidently to scare people into thinking it was inhabited, but there was no body home. Still, Phones and Fisher stuck to the shadows as best they could, just in case. It was only when they reached Titan’s throne room, throne devoid of it’s user, that they realised the place was abandoned for real.

Phones frowned. This was the only base of operations for Titan WASP knew the location of. If Troy wasn’t here, where was he? He turned round to Fisher. “Let’s split up and have a look around. We’ll cover more ground that way.” He glanced at his watch. They were expected back by sundown. “Meet back here at 1700 hours. If we run into any trouble, or find anything that could help us find Troy or know what Titan’s planning, get in contact and rendezvous sooner.”

Fisher nodded. “Got it. Good luck.” The aquanauts left the throne room, going their separate ways to explore the city.

Phones had some idea of where he was headed. Stingray and her crew had been on incursions to Titanica more times than he could count, or would’ve liked to, but having travelled through these halls was more than helpful when trying to navigate the city. Even so, this was enemy territory, and his knowledge had it’s limits. Maybe if Marina were here… 

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he banished it. Marina would never come back to Titanica if he could help it, no matter how empty the place was. 

Phones wondered how Fisher was getting on?

------

Well, that settled it, Fisher thought as he entered a hallway that looked exactly the same as the last twenty he’d gone down. He was lost. 

Groaning, he pulled out his watch, and immediately grimaced. He had no idea where he was, and the time he was supposed to meet back up with Phones was fast approaching. He’d have to start retracing his steps now and pray if he were to get back in time. 

He turned to head back the way he’d come, and froze when something caught his eye. Curiosity peaked, he faced it head on. There was an open door right in front of him, disguised as a regular part of the wall. If it weren’t open, Fisher would never have spotted it. Must be pretty important if it was supposed to be a secret door…

Cautiously, he opened the door further, frowning as it creaked in protest. Just how old was this room? He squinted against the blanket of darkness, stepping forward into the space and grabbing the torch he’d attached to his belt prior to leaving Stingray. Once the room was flooded with light, his eyes flung open. 

He fumbled for his communicator. “Phones…”

It took a few moments for the other aquanaut to pick up. Fisher waited anxiously for him to answer, breathing a sigh of relief when Phones did, voice so staticky he almost couldn’t hear him. “Fisher? What’s up? Have you found anything?”

“Yeah.” Fisher chuckled nervously. “You’re gonna wanna see this…”

“Okay. Where are you?” 

“I… I’m not sure…” Fisher admitted. “To the east of the throne room, for sure, but everything looks the same, and I-” He started rambling.

“Calm down.” Phones stated calmly, cutting off his downward spiral. “I’ll find you. Just make sure you stay in the hallway so I can spot you.”

Fisher took a deep, calming breath, silently thanking Phones. “PWOR. I’ll be waiting.”

------

Phones’ breath hitched in his throat when he saw the room. It seemed to be Titan’s laboratory. If he was honest, he’d completely forgotten about the mad King’s scientific pursuits. Aged stone tablets lined the walls as displays, written in an undersea language. Phones didn’t recognise it. It certainly wasn’t the language used by the Titanicans. Marina might recognise it though, or maybe records existed in the Pacifican archives. His camera was out in a shot, taking photos of the tablets.

Fisher was on the other side of the room, investigating the stack of papers next to Titan’s chemistry set. These were far more recent, and unlike the tablets, were written using Titanican characters. Most WASP aquanauts knew how to translate at least a little of the language, and Fisher did his best, revealing to Phones just what they were. “They look like plans that Titan’s acted on in the past.” He held up one of the reports. “This one is about the time he kidnapped Duke Dexter.” He snorted. “Says here he viewed that one as a success…”

“Huh.” Phones mused. “I wonder why…” They worked in silence for a few more minutes before the older aquanaut said anything else. “Anything about current plans?”

Fisher frowned, shaking his head. “No. These are all past plans. Things WASP knows about.”

Phones ran a hand down his face. “That makes sense. Titan wouldn’t just leave information about current schemes lying around in an abandoned city for us to find. He knew we’d come here at some point.” The hydrophones operator sighed. “Guess we won’t find anything if he’s been this meticulous about a secret lab. I’m guessing he was expecting us to find it either way…”

[ikementally-deficient]

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Rating: Cayenne (See Masterlist for rating descriptions)

Tags: Nanami Kento & Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for Shibuya Incident Arc, canonical character death

A/N: Title is a line from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

If you had to choose an adjective for Nanami Kento, it would be ‘dry’. From his sandy blond hair to his tan suits, everything about his appearance is reminiscent of a desert, sere and arid. His rough baritone voice does nothing to mitigate the impression; quite the contrary, when everything he says is as factual and objective as he can make it. Even his cursed technique is a thing of ratios and numbers.

You’ve never been good at math. 

Words are your playground. Language can be slippery and malleable, synonyms and puns and emotions tangled up together. Words are messy and ambiguous, visceral. Even Nanami can slide into the verbal quicksand on occasion, usually when asked about his purpose in life. You’ll never forget the shock of hearing this dry, unemotional man suddenly shout “Work is shit!” with the same level of intensity other people reserve for war crimes and public tragedies.

But you know that jujutsu sorcerers all have to be a little crazy, so maybe this flat affect interspersed with moments of disproportionate passion is just how Nanami expresses that. It’s caught your attention though: you find yourself watching him, waiting for the next moment that he slips and expresses a feeling or an opinion not backed up with facts and citations.

These incidents – you find yourself calling them ‘incidents’, like you’re going to write a report on them later – slowly accumulate and you string them together like metaphorical beads, a rosary of instants that you run your thoughts over in times of quiet. You build a picture of the man: likes to travel, hates overtime, weirdly intense about bread, wears bizarrely loud ties at odds with his boring salaryman suits. Takes his responsibilities so very seriously, trying to hide the deep affection that underlies his protective attitude towards his students (“They’re not my students. I’m not a teacher,” he says, completely avoiding the obvious fact that he cares regardless of formal relationships). Puts up with Gojo’s lackadaisical approach to, well, everything, even though it clearly irritates him. 

It’s a complicated picture, when you finish assembling it. You’d expect any poem about Nanami Kento to be a sonnet or villanelle, some form with fixed rules of rhyme and meter. Instead you find yourself thinking of him in free verse, subverting any expectations. 

After Shibuya, when the dust settles and the bleeding is staunched and you have time to think and grieve, you think of him again. What elegy can you write for this complicated man? Dry, yes, but also warm and soft and occasionally tender, the little despairs that made him human blurring out of the sharp outline of the 7:3 sorcerer. He wouldn’t appreciate your grief, wet and messy and ruining the lapels of his suit, but you know he’d understand it. Maybe he’d even, if he were present, give you one of those rare nods and brief smile when you stand at his grave reciting T.S. Eliot.

Nanami Kento was indeed a man composed of odds and ends; the empty space he’s left behind is not one coherent man-shaped void, but an ongoing series of unexpected holes in your every day life. You wish you had known him better, gotten close enough to understand the heart behind the ugly tie, but instead all you can do is lean against his marker and whisper a shaking goodbye.

“You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends,

And how, how rare and strange it is, to find

In a life composed so much, so much of odds and ends,

(For indeed I do not love it ... you knew? you are not blind!

How keen you are!)

To find a friend who has these qualities,

Who has, and gives

Those qualities upon which friendship lives.

How much it means that I say this to you—

Without these friendships—life, what cauchemar!”

-- T.S. Eliot, Portrait of a Lady

[sassydefendorflower]

I posted 7,996 times in 2022

That's 5,372 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (1%)

7,941 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@notteadrops

@awkwardalphajay

@blas-ph-emy

@fanfictiongreenirises

@elytrians

I tagged 1,115 of my posts in 2022

#unreality - 193 posts

#poppy war spoilers - 97 posts

#yes - 45 posts

#ask game - 21 posts

#goncharov - 16 posts

#poppy war - 12 posts

#fma - 12 posts

#fmab - 11 posts

#y e s - 11 posts

#my writing - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i think it needs to be remembered that critical thinking and suspense of disbelief are two completely different tools of engaging with media

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I know Ice Pick Joe ultimately died to save Katya and break free from the circle of abuse, but I can’t help but weep for the cats he adopted throughout the film as a sign for his inner heart. 

Like... I know it was part comic relief/much needed levity for a film as dark as Goncharov, but I really felt for Ice Pick Joe and his five adopted cats. Who do they have now? Ice Pick Joe is gone.

77 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#4

You know what always bothered me about this screenshot? That Ed’s clothes aren’t pinned back on his left side. We know it took almost a year before he had his automail surgery, recovered from it, and did the PT necessary to use his arm and leg to their full capacity again. During that time it would have been a tripping hazard to let his empty pant legs just fly around (same goes for the sleeves of long sleeved shirts).

So...

Headcanon Time :D 

While Pinako and Winry did pin up the legs of his own pants, they never dared to do the same to Alphonse’s old clothes. Of course not. Not one of them wanted to acknowledge that Alphonse might no longer be able to wear them - Ed was much the same. Alphonse once said that they could give his clothes away and Ed yelled at him until he had to stop or cry. 

At the same time... Alphonse hated how nobody was using his stuff anymore, all the things he had once loved but now could no longer feel. So, since these two brothers would do anything for each other, he asked Ed for a favor: he asked Ed to wear his old clothes. 

And Ed said yes. Of course, he did. 

He needed this reminder of Alphonse’s humanity just as much as Al did. He wanted to feel close to his baby brother, to the brother he felt responsible for. So, quite often, he wore Al’s clothes in the year that followed the incident. And since neither Winry nor Pinako would touch these almost sacred clothes, they never got altered the way Ed’s wardrobe was following the loss of his limbs.

Later, when Ed joined the military, he gave up on wearing Al’s clothes for two reasons: 

a) since Ed had actually grown at least a bit between his eleventh birthday and his twelfth and Al’s clothes were growing to small

and 

b) he didn’t want the military to soil his memory of Al - so, Ed chose a coat with the symbol of their teacher on the back and dark clothes he knew Al would never wear, and asked his brother to join him on their dangerous quest

104 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#3

You know what I find interesting about the Goncharov (1973) phenomena? Tumblr had the opportunity to make Goncharov and Mario or Andrey or Sergei explicitly gay - they had the chance to write the next cookie-cutter bland Gay Pairing that fits into the current fandom trends of ship hopping and washed out boring dudes... but they didn’t. 

Yes, many people wrote homoerotic subtext for Katya and Sofia and for Goncharov and Andrey, people faked academic queer readings of this masterpiece or wrote about the subversion of toxic masculinity within the film...

But as a collective we decided that all of this would be subtext. We decided that Katya and Goncharov are married, and it might not even be a loveless marriage (the jury’s still out on that one) after all. We decided that it’s a tragedy with Goncharov being betrayed by his wife, and killed by Andrey (which is often read as a sign of love and commitment). We gave a side character the ability to break out of the narrative, Ice Pick Joe the only character who escapes the circle of violence while everyone else falls victim to the narrative - time is a flat circle, after all, and loss of identity and the inevitability of one’s fate are the central themes of this fake movie. 

We could have turned it into a gay romcom or a mafia spoof or some flat reimagining of movies from a long time ago.... but we chose to turn it into something that is far rarer and more fun to analyze: a tragic tale of love and betrayal and queerness and the horrors of the cold war and lonliness and death and time. 

Our reading of Goncharov (1973) is queer - but the movie itself isn’t.

(only that it is, because we created Goncharov and as such we are a part of its story)

192 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

#2

Gentle reminder than Chen Kitay does know how to fight and is not a clumsy soft boy. He was good enough at material arts that he could have pledged combat if he hadn’t thrown his fight against Nezha - and he gave up because he knew Nezha would win either way and he didn’t want to get beat up.

Rin is the person who only sees Kitay for his good qualities and regularly forgets that he is a very capable soldier, even if his true worth places him in the war room.

But Chen Kitay can fight. And he will kill.

313 notes - Posted June 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Holy Server B@tman! Fanfic Rec List

Hello and welcome to a very special fanfic rec list! 

The members of the amazing Holy Server B@tman! Server are an extremely talented bunch - many great artists and writers together in one place to foster each other’s creativity and joy to participate in fandom.

That has to be celebrated! 

So, please welcome a list of stories our writers loved to create, their very own Greatest Hits!

(please click on your own discretion - you’ll find the appropriate warnings on ao3)

+

if you fall in, i’ll jump down by rutaceae @applejee

When boys like Tim are going missing in Gotham City, Cass pushes herself to the limit to solve the case before any more boys disappear, fearful that Tim himself will be a target. This doesn't work, and ends up with her captured instead.

Luka’s words: i would say this is my favourite because Cass has so many complex motivations, and i’m super proud of the way i wrote her here!! also women deserve whump too!

+

Asimov’s Integral by sElkieNight60 @selkienight60 

Tim is an unwanted android, a Robo-Child. After being sent back by his parents, his last and only hope rests in the hands of a man still grieving the loss of his own son.

Selkie’s words: I like this fic because it inspired catharsis in so many people!

+

You Wing Some, You Lose Some by AuroraKant @sassydefendorflower

When Dick agreed to do this mission with Jason, he knew it would most likely include some physical pain - but waterboarding? Really? Dick hated getting waterboarded.

Aurora’s words: This was the most fun I had writing a Batfamily fic in a long time - especially since Jason and Dick are just such a funky brother dynamic to delve into! 

+

I Must Leave, Right Now, Immediately by motleyfam  @motleyfam

Tim splits his pants at a charity gala. To say that he’s expecting merciless teasing from his brothers is an understatement.

What he gets is… not that?

motley’s words: this fic was the most objectively fun for me to write and reading people’s reactions to the twist always makes me grin!

+

How Far Can We Go? by SilverSuperSpy  @supersilversleuth

Dick closed his eyes, anguish tearing through him. “It won’t be enough. It’s impossible, Jay. We wouldn’t make it.”

“Well we have to try!” Jason shouted at him, betrayal in his eyes. “Did the Change suddenly make you stop caring about them? The Dick Grayson I know wouldn’t give up on his family.”

Silver’s words: I wrote some of my highest quality Dick Whump for it.

+

Something Left Unsaid by AshWinterGray 

See the full post

655 notes - Posted October 21, 2022

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