#but it wasn't looking very good so i put it on Nesta's hand

[westrangecollectionkoalaposts]

What if....

Neris Week: Day 7 - Free Day | @nerisweek

So, I was kind out of time and did it fast, so shapes be kinda weirder than usual, idk... And the background is definitely bad... Anyway, that is how I pictured a "what if Nesta had a bond with Eris and it snapped while they were dancing on Hewn City"! And also a represetation of the bond itself.

Down here is zoomed pictures of Eris and Nesta, sorry for the worse shapes 😭😭

[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 1

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Koschei the Deathless Sorcerer was killed by the Spymaster of the Night Court. 

It was less dramatic than it sounded. At least Azriel thought so. 

And if Lucien hadn’t been a fucking idiot and put himself into a position to be kidnapped by the very same deathless sorcerer…then they wouldn’t even have been in that kind of situation. 

But he had been and so it ended with Azriel so magically exhausted that he collapsed the very same moment Truthteller stroke true once more. 

At least Koschei was slayn. 

And the only reason Azriel had gone to rescue the red-headed male in the first place was the fact that  Lucien was Elaine’s mate. Lucien was the male Elain loved. Azriel couldn’t let him die. 

Couldn’t let Elain feel the devastation of a mating bond broken by death…so his decision making had been quick. Either he would manage to get Lucien free…or he would die trying.  There wasn’t many things that he wouldn’t do for the female he loved. Even when he knew it shouldn’t be. 

Azriel had never been very good at knowing when enough was enough after all, wasn’t he?

No price was high enough to pay when it was about Elain’s happiness, as far as Azriel was concerned.  

He hadn't expected to wake up, and yet… there he was. Alive and whole.

*I hope it was worth it, Master,* the shadows sniped at him.

He blinked, taking in the dim light of the room, taking in the familiar surroundings. His room in the House of Wind.

“You are a fucking idiot, you know?” Cassian hissed at him from his place at his bedside and Azriel blinked at him.

"Lucien?" he brought out hoarsely.

"Not as much as a fucking scratch on him. Thanks to you," Cassian responded. "You on the other hand...Madja thought you were going to fucking die from pure magical exhaustion!"

Even Azriel he had...it would have been worth it. Lucien had made it out alive - and that was all that mattered in the end. Elain would be happy. That was all he cared about.

He didn't say that aloud though. 

He took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. "How long was I out?" he asked.

"Three days," Cassian growled. "Three. Days."

Azriel sat up slowly, wincing at the ache in his muscles. It felt like his entire body was one giant bruise, every inch of him pained and sore.

"Lay back down," Cassian snapped.

Azriel shot him a glare, but sank back onto the bed nonetheless. "I'm fine," he grumbled. "Just tired."

"Yeah, well, we'll let Madja be the judge of that," Cassian snapped. "And when you are feeling better, I am going to kill you for going off on your own!"

Azriel just gave him a weary look. "Better me than you," he said dryly. He closed his eyes, feeling a deep exhaustion settle over him. Cassian had Nesta to think about. Azriel didn't. Azriel just had himself.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Cassian demanded.

Azriel didn't have the energy to answer

He dosed off, feeling the shadows twine around him. They were muttering, words he could c quite understand, bitching under their breath but for once it was comforting.

He woke up, feeling groggy and disoriented. His eyes felt like sandpaper, and his limbs were heavy. He groggily blinked at the room, feeling like he was in a haze.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't alone. Cassian was still there, as was Madja.

Azriel groaned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His head was throbbing, and his vision was a little blurred. He rubbed his face, trying to clear the fog from his mind. "Hey," he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

Cassian and Madja both looked at him, their expressions relieved. "How are you feeling?" Madja asked him, moving closer to the bed and waving a hand in front of his face.

"Like I was hit by a wagon," Azriel admitted. His muscles felt tight and sore, his body heavy with fatigue. His wings felt like they were made of lead, and every movement took a huge effort.

"That's unsurprising considering you nearly magicked yourself to death," Madja said gruffly. "Your body had a tremendous amount of stress and strain put on it. You're lucky to be alive."

He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of other options," he pointed out.

Madja just let out a huff and began prodding and poking at his body, running her hands over his wings and checking his pulse. Cassian watched anxiously from the side, his arms crossed over his chest.

Azriel bore her ministrations in silence, trying not to wince as she poked and prodded at him. He knew she was just trying to help, but it didn't make the ordeal any more pleasant.

After what felt like forever, she finally stepped back, nodding to herself. "You're lucky, shadowsinger," she said gruffly. "You're lucky you're so damn resilient," she said, and he couldn't tell if it was a compliment or just an observation.

He looked at her blearily. "I guess I can add that to my list of things to be proud of," he muttered sarcastically.

Cassian barked out a laugh, but Madja just rolled her eyes. The door opened at that moment. "How's he doing?" Rhys demanded.

Azriel wanted to let out a sigh at the sight of Rhys. He loved his brother, but he didn't have the energy for a lecture right now.

Madja turned to Rhys. "He's weak and he's stupid," she snapped. "But he's alive."

Rhys let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little. "Thank you, Madja," he said. "Would you...give us a moment?"

Madja nodded, patting Azriel's leg as she got up to leave. "Rest," she ordered. "And no strenuous activity for at least a week."

As soon as the door closed behind her, Rhys turned to Azriel. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, his eyes blazing.

"I was thinking that I was saving Lucien's life," Azriel replied evenly, meeting his brother's gaze. "I couldn't let him die, Rhys."

"Wouldn't that have made it easier for you?* Rhys demanded sharply mentally. *You are the one that fancies himself in love with Elain.*

Maybe it shouldn't hurt him as much as it did. He didn't fancy himself in love with her. He was in love with her. Had been in love with her and Rhys had been the one to order him away from her, which had given Lucien the opportunity to swoop in and Elain had...Elain had given in. Given in to that Siren Song of the Mating Bond and was very much in love with her mate now. 

It hurt to hear Rhys say it like that, like it was just some passing infatuation that he'd gotten over.

*Lucien is her mate,* he responded simply. He didn't say what he really thought. He didn't say that he would rather have Elain be happy and never talk with him again than to have her wilt like one of her flowers because her mate had died and the mating bond would be broken… He didn't say that he loved Elain enough, that her happiness was more important to him than anything else. He didn't say any of that.

*At least you are recognising that now,* Rhys said with a snort.  Azriel didn't flinch. Didn't react.

He hid away in that little corner of his brain he went to when everything became too much. Where he could just shut up all his feelings, all these pesky emotions, and just be...nothing. Nothing. That's the only thing he still had left.

He just shrugged, schooling his face into a careless expression. "I did what I had to do, Rhys," he repeated stubbornly. "Lucien is a good male. He didn't deserve to die."

"Elain wants to thank you," Rhys said suddenly.

Azriel's stomach twisted as Rhys mentioned Elain. He felt a pang of longing in his chest, a desperate ache to see her, to touch her, to hear her voice. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't subject himself to the torture of seeing her with her mate, seeing her happy in Lucien's arms.

So his answer was definite: "There is no need for that," he said simply.

Rhys gave him a sharp look. "Don't be an idiot," he said gruffly. "She's been worried sick about you."

But Azriel just shook his head, even as his heart thudded in his chest.

*You can keep it together for 5 minutes,* Rhys snapped into his mind.

"Rhys," Cassian said carefully. "If he doesn't want to, just let it..."

"He's being ridiculous," Rhys snapped, interrupting Cassian. "Elain is family.”

Azriel grit his teeth but didn't respond. He didn't have the energy for an argument right now. He just wanted to sleep.

*See her for 5 minute snad then you can sulk like a spoiled child until you feel better about yourself,* Rhys bargained drily.

Azriel hesitated. He knew he should see her, knew that it would make things easier for everyone if he did. But the thought of seeing her, seeing her happy with Lucien when he was so miserable, was like a knife to the gut.

"Does it even matter what I want?" he asked, his voice flat.

Rhys let out a frustrated sigh, looking at him with exasperation. "Az, stop being so damned stubborn. Elain has been worried sick about you - the least you can do is let her see that you are alive."

Azriel didn't say anything. Didn't respond. He just stared at Rhys, feeling like every fiber of his being was being pulled apart. He wanted to see her. Wanted to see her more than anything. But he knew that once he saw her, he wouldn't be able to hold himself together. He would break. He would shatter into a thousand pieces.

"Just...come on, Az," Rhys said finally. "Let her see you. She needs to know you're alright."

Azriel knew he couldn't say no. Knew he couldn't hurt her like that. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Fine," he said softly. "But just for five minutes."

Five minutes. He could do five minutes. He had to. For her…

She was still as achingly beautiful as she always had been. These devasting brown eyes, the caramel curls...

Azriel's breath hitched at the sight of her, and he felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over him. Love, longing, sadness, and that bittersweet pang of being so close to something he could never have.

Behave, Rhys warned him sharply.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Trying to push back that wave of feelings that threatened to drown him. It was just five minutes, he reminded himself. Five minutes. He could do this.

The shadows swirled around him, welling up with intensity, shrouding much of his body in inky blackness and Elain flinched back from them.

She had never quite warmed up to them. Azriel was just thankful for that display, for keeping her away from him as she entered the room, Lucien on her heels.

"How...How are you feeling?" she asked him, her voice soft.

He could tell that she was worried, that she was concerned for him. It warmed something inside him, and he hated himself for it. 

"I'm fine," Azriel answered hoarsely.  "Just tired.

"I...thank you," Elain said softly, binting her lip. "If you hadn't...if you hadn't killed Koschei and freed Lucien...I...Thank you, Azriel."

Hearing her say his name again was like a punch to the gut. It was both a comfort and a torture, to be so close to her and yet so far away. He swallowed hard, biting back the words that threatened to spill out.

"You don't owe me any thanks," he said quietly. "I just did what had to be done."

"I do owe you my life," Lucien disagreed. "Thank you. Without your interference...I wouln't have survived, " he said flatly.

Azriel just shrugged, feeling a wave of bitterness wash over him. He had saved Lucien, had risked his life to save the male who was mated to the female he loved. It was a strange sort of irony.

"It's fine," he said roughly. "I'm just glad I got there in time."

He couldn't look at her. Couldn't look at Lucien. It hurt too much. So he stared at the floor, willing the shadows to consume him entirely.

"We are all just happy you are feeling alright," Elain said softly. "I...I was worried about you. Everyone was."

Azriel forced himself to look up at her, his heart clenching at the sincerity in her eyes. She really had been worried about him. "I'm alright," he promised her, his voice rough. "Really. I just need some rest."

Elain hesitated, taking a step forward. He could hear her heartbeat, could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. It was torture to be so close to her and yet so far away. It was torture to know that she was so close and yet so unattainable. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her, but he knew he couldn't. He held onto that last shred of reason he had.

She tugged a piece of hair behind one delicately arched ear...and that was the moment he saw the gold and pearl ring that decorated her ring finger.

"Congratulations." He wasn't sure how he even brought out these words...how he managed to make them sound...appropriately happy for her.

It took a herculean effort to say those words, to offer a smile that barely reached his eyes. Every fibre of his being was screaming in protest, yelling that he should have been the one giving her that ring, that he should have been the one by her side. But he pushed back those feelings, burying them deep down inside of himself. He couldn't let her see how he truly felt. He couldn't let her know how much it was tearing him apart to stand there and look at her. Look at her with her mate, with the male she loved, the one she had chosen. 

"Congratulation," he repeated, his voice a little rougher than before.

"It wouldn't have been possible without you," Elain said, with a smile.

Azriel just nodded, feeling a lump in his throat. He couldn't find the words to respond, couldn't find the words to express the tangle of emotions swirling inside of him. He just sat there, feeling more alone and isolated than he had in a long time.

Elain took another step in his direction, seemingly ready to reach out, but Cassian intercepted her. placing a gentle hand on Elain's shoulder. "He needs his rest," he said softly. "Let's leave him be for now."

Azriel felt a pang of gratitude towards Cassian. Elain hesitated, looking torn.

"I wish you every happiness," Azriel brought out his voice hoarsely. Not even a lie.  It was the frank truth in these words and Elain gave him a smile, before Lucien's hand came to rest at her lower back, guiding her out of the room.

Thank the cauldron. They were gone. 

He slumped back into the pillow.  He was falling apart. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He just wanted to be left alone, to lick his wounds in peace.

"Az..." Cassian said carefully, but he cut him off.

“I am tired,” Azriel said, his voice hoarse. “I need to sleep.”

The shadows swirled around him tighter. 

Rhys and Cassian exchanged a look, before Cassian nodded, "Alright," he said. "Get some rest."

He laid down properly, closing his eyes, calling the shadows to him wordlessly. They swamred around him immediately. Damn Near suffocating him.  It was the only thing that kept him from starting to sob.

The shadows embraced him, wrapping him in their inky blackness, shielding him from the outside world. They were his only comfort, just like they had been for centuries. 

*We are there, Master.* They promised him softly. *It will be fine, Master.*

He didn’t believe a fucking word they said. 

*We are not willing to lose you, Master. We aren’t interested in finding a new master,* they told him seriously. He choked out a laugh that turned into a sob. 

*Sleep, Master. We'll keep watch,* they promised him.

And they did. 

Bone deep exhaustion meant that at least his sleep was dreamless. At least that was given to him. It was a small mercy. 

When he woke up again, Nesta was there, sitting in an armchair reading.

Azriel blinked, feeling disoriented and groggy. He sat up slowly, wincing as his wounds protested the movement. Nesta looked up from her book, her expression neutral.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him quietly.

"Fine," he answered, his voice hoarse. He was fine. He would be fine. 

"Thank you," Nesta said suddenly.

Azriel looked up at her, surprised. He wasn't even sure what she was thanking him for.

"For what?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

“You nearly got yourself killed to save my sister’s mate. I think Thank you is the least I owe you," Nesta said drily.

She mustered him with grey eyes and he knew that she knew. Knew that she knew or at the very least could guess about his feelings for Elain and probably be right. She wouldn't say anything, but she knew.

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It was over with. Done. 

Lucien and Elain could be happy and Azriel…Azriel would hide away somewhere. 

"You don't owe me anything," he waved Nesta off weakly, but she didn’t seem to want to take the hint, sticking out her chin. 

"Yes, I do," Nesta disagreed. "You are the reason why my little sister is happy right now," she told him fiercely. He swallowed down the unkind words at the tip of her tongue...didn't say anything. Didn't.... He didn’t want to think about this. He didn’t…

"Is there anything I can do?" Nesta asked him, her voice soft. "Anything at all, Az?" H knew that he could ask for anything and Nesta would do her level best to give it to him. She was stubborn like that. He had half a mind to ask her to use her silver flames to put him on fire and put him out of his misery. 

He didn’t. 

Even that wouldn’t fix it. 

There was nothing. There was absolutely nothing to make it any better. There was nothing that could...that could fix the ache in his chest.

"Porridge," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Porridge?" Nesta repeated incrediously.

"Porridge with honey. I am hungry," he repeated, meeting her gaze. Food. Food. More Sleep. More Work. He could fill his waking hours with useless things and everybody would be happy. 

Nesta just looked at him for a moment, then inclined her head.

"Porridge with honey. Alright," she agreed. Just a moment later a massive bowl of Porridge with honey drizzled on top, appeared on his bedside table, so hot it was steaming. Seemed like the house was in a mood to spoil him. He even got a whiff of cinnamon from it.

"Thank you," he thanked Nesta's creature aloud as the shadows fetched the bowl and held it up for him to eat a spoonful. "What are you reading?" he asked Nesta, changing the topic. 

She was polite enough not to say anything about it. 

Nesta held up her book. “The newest Sellyn Drake novel,” she replied.

"Is it any good?" he inquired, stirring his porridge gently.

“It’s brilliant," Nesta gushed, her eyes devoured the pages as soon as she looked down to continue reading.

"You seem to really like it," he pointed out, taking another bite of his porridge. "It is brilliant," Nesta agreed readily. “The plot is so intricate and twists and turns and the characters are so deep and complex and their emotions are so real and the romance is so...” she trailed off, blushing slightly.

He opened his mouth to respond...but then he heard her.

Mor. Of course.

He couldn’t deal with Mor. Not right now. But there she was, Rhys hot on her heels.

Nesta heard her too, rolling her eyes, curling back up on her chair, making it very clear that while she was going nowhere, she was letting him deal with it on her own. 

And he didn’t want to deal with Mor. 

But there she was. 

Mor came strolling into the room, her usual confident smile firmly in place. Rhys just looked at Azriel, his expression unreadable.

He didn't say it.  But Azriel knew. Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.  Either it was about Elain and Lucien...or about Mor and Emerie. Like Azriel would ever do anything to put that in jeopardy. Like Azriel was a jealous child that wouldn't allow Mor to be happy on her own terms. Like...

Azriel ignored the sharp pang of hurt that shot through him at Rhys's look.

Still it was better than looking at Mor…he couldn’t bear to look at Mor. 

 Didn't want to look at Mor, in her usual bright red, skin baring dress, that clung to all her curves...didn't want to look at the female he had spent centuries in love with even when he had known that she was never going to return his affections...it hadn't helped him. He had still been in love with her.

And he had still hoped...hoped against all hope that maybe...maybe there would be a time where she would return his affection...that maybe there would be a time where...

But there wouldn't. He knew. He knew. And he had still been in love with her.

Would have given damn near anything for her attention, for that broad smile on her face to be directed in his direction...would have given anything for her to bound over to his bedside and envelope him in her arms...to feel her soft skin against his as she hugged him fiercely, cinnamon and citrus enveloping him.

Now...now it felt like somebody was pouring salt into a gaping wound. Now it felt as painful as the fire and oil on his hands had. She was flaying him alive and she wasn’t even aware that she was hurting him. 

"How are you feeling, Az?" Mor's voice was gentle, concerned. He knew it was genuine, knew that Mor really cared about him. But he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Not when his heart was bleeding out just from the sound of her voice.

"Fine," he answered, his voice flat. "Nothing that sleep won't fix," he promised her, even as her hands fluttered around him as she sat down on his bedside...

She was so close. He could reach out and touch her, could feel the soft fabric of her dress against his fingertips. He clenched his fists, willing himself to keep his hands to himself.

But he couldn't help it. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. He could see the concern there, the worry. He felt a pang of guilt for putting that look on her face. He didn't want to cause her any distress. 

"I'm just glad you are feeling better," Mor sighed, gently patting his arm. "You had us all worried for a moment there," she admitted softly.

Even just the touch of her hand felt like she was branding him. He wanted to flinch away and forced himself no to.

It was like a bittersweet poison, the way she touched him. It was so familiar, so comforting. But it was also so painful, a reminder of what he could never have.

He looked away, staring down at his hands. They were shaking, just a little. He clasped them together, the monstrous scars that covered them, standing out starkly.

The shadows trembled around him, pulling nearer, growing darker and Mor watched them with a raised eyebrow. "Worried, are they?" she teased him slightly.

*You are fine, Master,* the shadows promised him. *No more fire,* they promised him fiercely. But it didn’t help. He didn’t trust himself to speak without his voice cracking.

Mor seemed to sense his discomfort and stood up, her hand slipping from his arm. "Just rest and get better soon, alright?" she said softly, taking a step back.

"Thank you," he thanked her, his voice hoarse.

He risked a glance up at her, just a quick look. Her face was soft, her eyes filled with warmth. He felt his heart squeeze in his chest and he had to look away again. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

"We should let him rest, Mor," Rhys said, giving Azriel another look.

"Right, right," Mor agreed, already turning towards the door. "Rest up, Az," she said again, giving him one last smile as she disappeared out the door.

Azriel felt a sense of relief wash over him as she left the room. 

Gone. Thank the cauldron. He couldn't take much more of her presence, not right now. 

He didn't even want to know why Rhys had accompanied her. Probably because he was worried that Azriel wasn't going to behave.

What was he supposed to do instead? Tell Mor about how much she had hurt him over the centuries? How she had given him jut enough scraps of her affection to make him yearn for more but never telling him that she didn’t love him like that? 

He wasn’t going to do that. 

He didn't want to look at Rhys right now, didn't want to face the scrutiny of his high lord's gaze. He just wanted to be left alone.

He knew that Rhys was watching him, that the male wanted to say something. But Azriel didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear the lecture, the warning. He just wanted to be left alone.

The room fell silent, except for the sound of his own breathing. He closed his eyes and sank deeper into the mattress. Maybe if he just pretended to sleep, Rhys would leave him alone.

"He's tired. You should let him sleep," Nesta said flatly.

Leave it to Nesta to tell Rhys to stuff it, he reflected weakly. He heard Rhys sigh, but he kept his eyes closed. And after a moment, he heard the sound of footsteps leaving the room.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. 

Alone. Safe. Mostly at least. 

Life went on. It always did.

The exhaustion went away after a few days... he caught up on Paperwork in the meantime. He sent the shadows off to find him one information or other and they didn't even bitch to him that badly, which told him that even they felt bad for him.

Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.

So he did. He behaved.

He did his job. He did everything Rhys could possibly want from his spymaster. 

He didn’t argue. He didn’t fight. He did his job and he trained and he did everyhting that was expected off him. 

And then he hadn’t tortured himself enough… and he went to visit Rosehall.

Where his mother lived.

Under the Mountains had it’s own kind consequences. This was one of them: His mother didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. 

50 years without him...and his mother had made herself a new family. A family that he wasn’t welcome in. A family that she wanted him nowhere near. He couldn’t fault her for it. Not at all.

She had been half a child when she had had him and it hadn’t been by choice.

So who could blame her for making a new family with people that weren’t as fucked up in the head as he was? Not Azriel.

Azriel didn’t blame her at all. Azriel left her in peace. He didn't reach out. He made sure that she was fine, that she had enough money to never worry about it and otherwise dissappeared from her life. 

His shadows kept an eye on her…He shored up the wards around Rosehall and caught a glimpse of her. And then he left it at that. She looked happy. That’s all he cared about.

Happy and safe and…she didn’t need him. She didn’t want him around her either, and he could understand that too.

And still, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. 

But 

*You know the rules,* he told the shadows quietly. *You don’t need to report to me about her anymore. Keep an eye on her and only tell me if she is in danger or hurt.*

*Yes, Master,* they agreed readily. 

So he went back to the House of Wind. Back to Velaris…Back to work. 

He went back to his routine, back to his duties, back to his mask of indifference. He hid the pain behind his usual stoic facade, only letting his shadows know how much it hurt. He threw himself into his work, using it as a way to distract himself from his own loneliness.

And when he wasn't working, he would spend hours and hours in the training ring in the House of Wind, working himself to exhaustion. Anything to try and drown out the ache in his heart.

For gods sake, he even attended Elain and Lucien’s mating ceremony. And gifted them an appropriate gift. He behaved just like Rhys wanted him too.

He even summoned up a smile for them on their special day, hiding his own pain behind a mask of false happiness. He congratulated them both, feeling a pang in his chest at the sight of Elain's beaming face. But he didn’t let it show. He behaved. Like Rhys wanted him too.

He stayed for the whole thing. Stayed for the dancing, stayed for the feast. Stayed until he could physically take it no more. And then he had retreated to that training ring again, beating his pain and loneliness out on whatever dummy he could find.

He was so tired. Tired of hiding, tired of pretending. Tired of pretending like nothing was wrong. He wanted nothing more than to just scream and rage and shout and cry. But he didn’t. He held it all in. Bottled it up like he was so good at doing.

He was in the bathtub, sluicing off the sweat he was drenched in…shaking off his wings just because he could move them however he wanted to

*You should go out, Master,* the shadows suggested seriously. *Go out and find a female.*

He just snorted. *Not interested,* he sniped back harshly. *I am not getting my heart broken again.*

Everybody could just fuck off and leave him alone. Even when he was aching…aching for somebody in his life that loved him. For whom he could be everything. Somebody he could dote on. Somebody that wanted his attention, that wanted his love…that would like his ruined hands on their body and wasn’t paid to simply acccept it. 

*You could let us pick her!* the shadows suggested brightly.

His eyes snapped back open and he glared at the shadows swirling around the room. *Absolutely not,* he said firmly. *I mean it, you stay out of it.*

*We can’t do a worse job than you do,* they sniped at him. *Neither The Seer nor The Morrigan would have suited you at all.*

*Excuse me?!* 

*You heard us, Master,* the shadows said, sounding far too smug for their own good. *And you know it.*

Azriel just glared at them, feeling his temper start to rise. *I know I wasn’t good enough for them,* he snapped. *You don’t need to tell me that.*

*You think you weren’t good enough for them?!* The shadows asked him incredulously.

*They deserve better. So much better than me,* he said quietly. "I'm not good enough for either of them. Never was.*

What was he, after all? An Illyrian bastard? A monster? Either? Both? 

He had never said it out loud before, not even to himself. But in that moment, lying in the water, his heart so raw and exposed, he couldn't help but speak the truth that he had always known but never admitted to himself. "I'm not good enough for either of them," he repeated softly, the weight of his words settling heavily on his chest.

He knew it was true. Mor was a golden ray of light, the embodiment of beauty and grace. Elain was sweet and gentle and kind, a pure soul in a sea of darkness. 

And what was he? Damaged. Broken. Scarred. Inside and out.

He had done unspeakable things, things that would haunt his nightmares for centuries to come. He was nothing compared to them. He was darkness, they were light. And they deserved better than him, far better than him.

Even if he had loved Mor with every fiber of his being, even if he had yearned for her with every beat of his heart, even if he had dreamed of her every night, it didn't matter. It had never mattered. Because he wasn't good enough for her. And he never would be.

He wasn’t good enough for Elain. The mother hadn’t thought it to be prudent to make them mates. Both of his brother had been gifted with a mating bond, but not him. That should tell him everything he needed to know abotu the state of his own soul. 

So why…why should he even try anymore. 

Why shouldn’t he just stew in his own misery, alone and heartbroken and a monster and expect everybody to just leave him alone? There was no point of putting himself out there again. There was nothing out there for him. Nothing but more pain.​​

So he closed his eyes again, sinking lower into the water, letting the warmth soothe his aching muscles. He let out a long sigh, his mind already racing with thoughts of his next missions, his next assignments. Because that was all that really mattered now. His job. His duties. His responsibilities. That was all he had left.

Behave. That’s all he was good for. 

*Alright, that’s fucking enough,* the shadows snapped. *You are not letting The High Lord talk to you like that any longer, Master.*

Azriel was so surprised by their fucking vehemence that he could just stare at them. 

*The Morrigan used you for centuries to make herself feel better about herself,* the shadows snapped. *She used the feelings you had for her and that she was very much aware of to strangle you and keep you in line.*

Azriel swallowed. He knew they were right. He knew that Mor had used his feelings for her for a long time. She had led him on, given him false hope, only to yank it away time and time again. It had been a painful cycle, one that had left him feeling used and broken and worthless.

*She could have stopped at any time but she never did,* the shadows hissed. *But instead she hurt you on purpose. Instead of turning you down, she slept with other males to show you that you would never have her!*

Azriel felt bile rise in the back of his throat. Mor had flaunted her other lovers in front of him, making it clear that he would never be enough for her. She had used his devotion to her as a weapon against him, wielding it whenever it suited her needs. And he had let her. He had been foolish, desperate enough to cling onto any scrap of affection she might throw his way.

*And The Seer?! Granted she has never done that, but her feelings for you weren’t particular deep when she replaced you on her affections with The Fox as soon as you weren’t available anymore! If she had cared, truly cared, she would have thought about what happened during Winter Solstice,* the shadows snapped.

*And The High Lord? Don’t even let us get started on him,* the shadows snapped. *You haven’t even done anything since that Winter Solstice, and he keeps behaving like some kind of despotic Overlord, worried that his orders won’t be followed. If you wanted to punch him in the face, you probably had every right to it,* they mumbled.

Azriel couldn’t help but snort. 

*You deserve better, Master,* The shadows told him fiercely. *You deserve somebody that loves you.* 

. He wanted to believe the shadows. He wanted to believe that he was good enough, that he deserved more. But the scars on his body and the memories in his mind told him otherwise. He had done terrible things, things that he could never undo. How could someone like that be good enough for anyone?

*Alright,* he finally agreed weakly. *Find me a house,* he told the shadows, as he closed his eyes.

*A house? What kind of house?* the shadows gave back, sounding surprised.

*A house,* he repeated. *A home. Somewhere in Velaris. Find me a home.* Something that could just be his.

A home. The idea sent a flutter through his stomach. He had never…never truly had a home. Had something that could just be his and nobody else’s. Just…a place that was his, where he could be whoever he wanted, where he was accepted and loved...it was appealing. Maybe even more than just appealing.

He closed his eyes, picturing it in his mind. A cozy little house, just large enough for himself. Warm and cozy and filled with light.

*That’s what a male needs to take a wife after all, right?* He asked, a flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. Was that what he should want? What he was supposed to want? He had never really thought about getting married before. But now, at the mention of it, he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing. A wife...a family...love and companionship. It all sounded so…so nice.

*You want to get married, Master?* the shadows asked curioulsy. *To whom?*

*You pick,* he told the shadows. They swarmed out in pure excitment. Azriel couldn’t even remmeebr the last time they had been so excited. 

He couldn't help but chuckle at their reaction. Maybe they would do a better job than him. At least they could probably sieve out females that were in a romantic relationship or preferred females themselves. 

*Find me somebody that I could make happy. Somebody that….Somebody that could want me.* Some long-suffering female for whom Azriel could maybe try to be enough. Somebody that would love him.

*What should she look like?* they asked seriously.

*I don’t care. Find me somebody that loves me and she’ll be the most beautiful female to me anyway.*

[surielstea]

The Best I Ever Had

Based on this request.

Pairing: Eris x Fem!Reader (Azriel’s ex)

Summary: Reader seeks revenge on her ex-boyfriend, and that revenge just so happens to take the form of a very willing Vanserra.

Warnings: Smut | Minors DNI | p in v | fingering | cervix brushing | no aftercare (not Eris) | angst (not Eris) | manipulation (not Eris)

7.6k words

I've been dating the shadow singer for a little over a year now— but calling it dating seemed to be a stretch. It started with a few dates but inevitably it turned into a cycle of him telling me to come over, we'd hook up, then I'd leave in the morning. If he wasn't busy I'd stay for breakfast, but that was pretty much it.

Now I lay next to him, thoroughly fucked out and sweating. Azriel was a busy male but when he fucked, he fucked good. That fact made me feel selfish for wanting more than just being a casual hookup.

I sigh audibly, sitting up and slipping out of the bed, waddling into the bathroom to get myself cleaned up. That was another thing, once Azriel got what he wanted he was kind of done with me, so aftercare was absent and it made me feel like shit.

I huff as I wipe myself down with a warm rag, then splash water over my face and pat it dry with a soft towel.

I met the spymaster through Morrigan, I hadn't been particularly close to the inner circle but Mor was a good friend of mine, and of course, I could see the way he looked at her, admired her with a silent devotion. He has for years while I just watched in the background. Then the three Archeron sisters showed up and he began doing it to Feyre's sister Elain, or Nesta's friend Gwyn. But never me. Never looked at me that way. I was slowly realizing I was becoming a placeholder until something better fell into his lap.

I turn the faucet off and leave the bathing chamber, shuffling back to the bed, slightly defeated. I slide onto the mattress, my boyfriend already sounds asleep with his winged-back facing me. I yawn and decide I’ll voice my opinions tomorrow after a full night's rest, perhaps over breakfast, I could tell him how I feel.

With a plan in mind and enough exhaustion to make a pegasus pass out, I was able to find a light sleep.

The morning greeted me with an empty bed, Azriel's spot empty, and I doubted the male was downstairs making me breakfast. I grumble a curse as I flip the blankets off of me and get up. I simply glance at myself in the mirror and brush my hands through my hair before leaving his room in my nightgown, rubbing at my eyes as I descend the stairs and into the kitchen.

The clatter of a fork sounds and I turn to my left to see the silent shadow singer who had just finished eating. "You didn't want to wake me up?" I say, squinting at the male's silhouette framed by large windows of the morning light behind him. He shrugged in reply. "Figured you'd rather sleep," He murmured as he stood, collecting his dishes and walking towards me.

As he brushes past me towards the sink I remember the loose plan I had put together last night.

"I was thinking," I start. It was now or never. He turned his head to me slightly, signaling that he was listening while he placed his dishes in the basin. "We've been going out for about a year now, maybe we should do something special?" I offer and he turns to me fully, slight confusion creasing his brows. I didn't understand what was so puzzling about it.

"Like what? And when?" He asks, his tone making me feel like I was scheduling a business meeting. I roll my eyes and take a few steps closer. "I don't know, you're always busy," I sigh, making my annoyance clear. He bristles. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

"I just mean, would it kill you to take a break for a day?" I look up at him, my arms behind my back. I hated this. Hated the way he looked down at me as I begged him to just give me the slightest fraction of his attention. He blows out a long breath in contemplation. "I suppose I can take a day off in a couple of weeks," He utters like it's such a chore to leave work.

"A couple of weeks?" I balk with wide eyes and he shrugs again. "I'm not that flexible," He explains and my frown deepens. "Just the other day you took off to help Morrigan with writing letters to the continent," I argue. "That's, different," He said with a slight hesitance in his voice. "How so?" I cross my arms over my chest.

"Because that's Mor," He muttered and a pang of hurt bloomed in my chest. My lip quivered at the words but I maintained my composure. "Listen, I'm not trying to make you sad I'm just telling you the truth," He craned his neck, stretching it out like I was tiring him out with this conversation. "Which is?" My brows raise a fraction. He opens his mouth, then shuts it again, rethinking what he was about to say.

Instead of speaking at all, he leans in and presses a light kiss to my lips, his hands coming to the back of my neck as he slants his mouth over mine. There was no passion behind it, just a move to shut me up and I was a fool to fall for it.

He kisses down my jaw, making his way to my neck where his marks from last night were already fading. His other hand finds my thigh, pushing me up against the counter and hiking up my dress. "Az," I place a hand on his chest. "Az, I don't want to have sex," I murmur, pushing him away and he backs off, confusion in his eyes because that hack has worked every time before.

"I just, I wanted you to look at me the way you look at Elain, or Gwyn, or—" I start. "Don't be ridiculous," His hands come to my cheeks as he interrupts me. "I'm not with them now am I?" He tilts his head. "No, but, you would be as soon as they called," I reason and his gaze falters because he knows I'm right.

"Don't think like that," He shakes his head. Then presses his lips to mine again, his hand returning to my thigh. "Don't think," He whispers and that sets me off. I push him away harder, sending him stumbling a few feet back. He looks at me like I've gone insane. I'm sick of it, sick of feeling so compliant when he wanted me and when he didn't. I was easy to please, and he liked easy, but he loved a challenge more.

"If you're not going to even take the time to make your girlfriend feel like she means anything to you, then," My breath hitched and a stupid smirk came across his features when I didn't finish my sentence. "Then what?" He scoffs. "You're gonna break up with me? Then when you can't find a male who fucks you better than I can you'll come crawling right back, I know how you are," He crossed his arms over his chest and I hated it. Hated that he was right. Because he was such an arrogant asshole but he was handsome and knew how to pleasure a woman. Which was rare to find in the Night Court.

"No, I'm done this time," I stand my ground. "Don't be like this," He sighed at the dramatics of it, looking up to the ceiling like I was draining him. "You always do this," He shakes his head. "I'm serious," I bite out. "Yeah, sure you are," He scoffs, unbelieving of my words as he leaves the kitchen without another word.

I'm serious. I hated being treated like this. I have a long life ahead of me, I can find someone better, perhaps go to another Court where I won't be given such limited options.

I collect my things, forgetting about the rest of my clothes in Azriel's room as I shrug on my jacket, I looked ridiculous with the oversized leather jacket over my short nightgown but I was only going home.

I gave one last look at the house before slipping out and closing the door with a particularly hard slam, making sure he heard I proudly took my leave.

My pride didn't last long before tears began to stream down my face. It was foolish to be crying over my own decision but I couldn't help it. Leaving him meant leaving the entirety of the inner circle, and as close as Morrigan and I were, she'd choose Azriel without a second thought. I knew it, she knew it, and he definitely knew it. So now I was walking through the streets of Velaris teary-eyed, hands shaking as I attempted to wipe them away but inevitably I gave up and just let them run, let myself crumble into the dejection of it all.

I had a house in the hewn city, it wasn't a home necessarily but, it would make do for a few nights until I figured myself out. I muster all of my energy and source my power, before winnowing back to the Court of Nightmares. I sigh in relief to be home, a shock to myself since this is the last place I'd ever want to be. Yet here I was, in my shitty apartment with little to live for. I slump onto the couch and curl into a ball, then just allow myself to bawl and promise myself this is the last time I’ll ever cry over the shadow singer again.

It had been a week.

Azriel was right when he said I’d crawl back to him. This sort of thing happened often, we’d argue then I’d leave until eventually I got too lonely and find my way to his doorstep, he’d take me back and we would pretend to forget about what had happened until the cycle repeated, over, and over, and over again.

But I was done this time. I promised myself I was done and I’m sticking to it. A week was the longest I had gone without going back to him so I took myself to the flower shop down the street to treat myself to something as a reward. Flowers had always brought a smile to my face. Azriel never quite understood when I’d bring him to the gardens, he didn’t see the beauty of them, the way they all lived so harmoniously with each other. So he rarely went to the flower markets with me, it especially hurt when I found out Elain and him had visited the gardens more than—

I shook my head, voiding my thoughts of the spymaster and focusing on the beauty of the white dahlias in front of me. I picked up the bouquet and went to the clerk’s cart to pay. I had visited her whenever I was in the Hewn City, so it was nice to see the familiar face.

She smiles brightly when she sees me. “Just the dahlias for today?” She asks in a raspy tone and I nod. “Yes, but I’ll most likely be back tomorrow for those daffodils tomorrow,” I say, placing five marks down on the counter. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” She says, taking the bouquet from my hands and wrapping it in a burlap paper. “My tulips bloomed this morning, they should be in stock by the end of the week,” She hinted and I grinned at her memory of my favorite flower. “A pleasure as always, Moe,” I say as she hands me the wrapped bouquet.

“Have a good day!” She calls back and I wave at her from over my shoulder before walking down the cobblestones back towards my apartment.

It was a short walk, only around the corner, I had been a few yards away from my apartment yet somehow I still managed to clumsily ram right into a wall while staring down at the flowers— no, not a wall, a male who barely even faltered as I stumbled back. "Sorry, you alright?" Warm hands come to my shoulders, steadying me. I look up to see a familiar set of amber eyes, ones that could only belong to one Eris Vanserra. "Oh, it's you," He uttered but his voice didn’t carry any distaste, only simple curiosity in his gaze. "Are you okay?" The male asks and I was surprised at the concern of his voice.

I often ran into Eris, so much so that it had become sort of a thing between us. I had never loathed him like the others, I understood him better than the rest of the inner circle who had never tried to see more than just a monster. It was clear to me that he was nothing like his father, no matter how much he tried. So clear that it had been a shock to me when Rhys didn’t understand he was only wearing a mask, even when the High Lord had to do something similar while Under the Mountain.

"I'm fine," I shrug with a hurried motion, Eris was also good at reading me, leaving me terrified that he’d somehow see right through my feigned smile. "You sure?" One of his hands left my shoulders only to lift my chin, angling it up towards him. "Who's got a pretty girl like you crying?" He tilts his head, and I blanch. How was he so good at that? I pull away from his touch and avoid his piercing gaze.

"I'm fine," I repeat. "You're a terrible liar, sunshine," He intoned.

Sunshine. A nickname that was only used to remind me that I didn't belong in the Night Court, didn't belong with the Inner Circle at all. There was no place for the sunshine in a place that thrived in darkness.

"Where's that bastard of yours, I doubt he'd like you running around the Hewn City dressed like that," He gestures to my low-cut dress, my cardigan parted just enough to reveal any excessive, albeit impressive amount of cleavage. I press the flowers to my body and a smirk grows over his lips. "He wouldn't care," I grumble. "Really?" He tilts his head. I shrug. "We broke up last week," I don't know why I told him. Some undiscovered part of me has always trusted him, so much that my actions have often betrayed my own thoughts.

"Is that right?" A smile curves his features, nothing but amusement in his tone. "You could at least pretend to feel bad," I frown.

"Why? He lost something he didn't deserve, you gained the freedom to be with someone better. It's a win in both cases, for you at least," He justifies, and a small smile tugs at my lips. "There she is," He admires and maybe it was because I was looking for revenge, or maybe it was because Eris and I had always flirted, but I couldn't help but feel this magnetic pull to the male.

"Hey, do you want to come inside?" I offer, brushing past him and walking up the steps of my apartment, he blinks in shock, I was surprised with myself just as much but I didn't show it. "Just to talk, I'll open a bottle of wine?" I added and his cool demeanor returned.

"Why not," He hummed.

"You're telling me, he did all that— then didn't even provide aftercare?" Eris said in pure disbelief and I nodded with a sigh, thinking myself stupid for letting a male treat me so poorly.

I had spilled most details of my relationship with the Shadow singer to Eris, it may have been wrong to vent to one of the male's many enemies but I owed him nothing anymore, it wasn't like Eris could do much with the details of our relationship anyway.

We sat on my couch, too small for his large legs so I was positioned with my feet in his lap, not that I was complaining once he started tracing shapes on the tops of my knees mindlessly. Eris actually listened, it hadn't been something I hadn’t experienced in quite some time. This easy conversation that made me feel like he wanted to be a part of it. Perhaps it was the three glasses of wine or the glint in his eyes, but what he said next left my head reeling.

"I have a meeting with him today, maybe I should mention it," He hummed, his tone so casual I could hardly tell if he was being serious or not.

"It hurt," I mumble, unsure if I was referring to the sex itself or how he treated me. "It shouldn't," He replies with that damned look in his eyes, reassuring every part of my turmoil. "I know," I shrug.

He doesn't reply, his eyes linger on mine, something beneath that gaze that reminded me so much of how I used to look at Azriel, a certain yearning that I've known so well it was hard to mistake it for anything else.

But before he does something he'll regret, before he gets me attached his breath catches in his throat and he suddenly stands. I look up at him curiously with creased brows.

"Well thanks for the drink, sunshine," He says. I stand, following him to the door like some dog. Was I capable of honing independence for five seconds?

"I appreciate the gesture, but I don't need to be walked out," He gives me a crooked smile, and something foreign pangs in my chest, something I hadn't even felt with Azriel. "But, it was just," I struggle to find exactly what I wanted to say. "Never mind," I sigh, spinning on my heel, angling back to the couch but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back to face him. "It's okay, use your words," he eased and I swore I didn't imagine his thumb stroke on the back of my palm.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to help me get back at the spymaster," I utter and his brow lifts a fraction. "Are you always plotting in that pretty head of yours?" He leans against the doorway, clearly interested. "You can say no if you want—" I start. "Tell me what I have to do," he sighs and a small smile curves my lips.

"How would you feel about faking a relationship, for the sole purpose of making him mad, nothing more I promise," I say. His brows raise and his hand leaves the knob of my front door. "Why don't I come with you, to the meeting?" I propose. A grin curves his lips. "Look at you scheming," He hums and I roll my eyes. "Who do you think I learned it from?" I smile and he returns it. "Go get cleaned up then, I'll wait," He leans against the closed door and I nod, spinning on my heel and walking down into the hall.

Faking a romance with Eris had been easier than I had thought. Our touches were casual, before the others had even arrived he had his arm slung around my shoulders as if he'd been at my side for the past century. Maybe this was all to get back at Azriel, but my hand on his abdomen didn't have to be there, and I didn't have to look up at him like he stole the breath from my very lungs but it was involuntary, something that couldn't be helped when around him.

He was regal, his features sharp and his words sharper. But more importantly, he actually looked at me, looked at me like I was anything worth importance and more than just a distraction. "You nervous?" He asks, his other arm coming around my waist as I turn to him fully. Everything was so natural, whatever this tether was between us rendered any awkward tension and allowed a casual intimacy.

"No," I shake my head and I meant it, I didn't feel scared with his arms around me, his warm hands splayed over my waist as if they were meant to be there. "You think we'll be convincing enough?" He tilts his head down at me. I peer up at him through my lashes, wrapping my arms around his neck— something about him made me feel so bold, so powerful, so content.

"You want to practice?" He offers with a smirk. "It couldn't hurt," I whisper, his mouth just inches from mine. "Unless you bite," I add and his smirk widened. "Only if you want me to," He shrugs. I grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down, his lips sealing over mine with a fervent force that was unknown to me, his hands mapped my body as he slowly pushed my back into a trunk of a tree, he was entirely addicted to the way I felt, the way I tasted. He was at my mercy and entirely satisfied with the fact.

I arch up into him and he kisses me deeper, pushing me harder into the tree as his tongue swiped over my bottom lip with a needy intent. I parted my lips just wide enough for his tongue to take control, worshipping my mouth like a temple and I could only let him, knew no better but to comply because I loved it, loved the attention, the feeling of him giving me his all while I met him halfway, giving and taking.

“Gods, are you done?” A familiar voice grumbles from the distance and I freeze, Eris’s lips slip from mine, and a broad smirk breaks across his features as he turns to face two winged men, revealing me in the process.

Their eyes weren’t on Eris like mine were, they were pinned directly on me. I smile softly as Eris possessively tightens his hold around my waist, fingers digging into my skin through the material of my dress.

Cassian and Azriel continued to gawk at me, the both of them held straight expressions but their eyes didn’t leave me once, brows twinged upward in both shock and concern, as if I was in any more danger with Eris than with Azriel.

“Are we going to get this over with or are you going to continue to stare?” Eris cut through their gazes and both their eyes snapped towards him. “What’s she doing here?” Azriel seethed, crossing his arms over his chest like he always did when he was infuriated. He was so easy to read for a spymaster. Eris seemed to have recognized this too, anyone angry had little control over what they said, making Eris gain the high ground.

“We can trust her, if that’s what you’re worried about,” The male beside me retorts. Azriel only ground his teeth in reply.

The meeting had started and they began talking about politics, to which I quickly tuned out. Azriel made a few digs at me but it was nothing but a toddler lashing out over not getting what he wants.

It was amusing to watch his cool demeanor deteriorate while Eris found every weakness and dissected it with insults and remarks, I just stared up at the red-haired male with an amused grin, my arms wrapping around his torso, occasionally pressing kisses to the top of his hand that had been slung around my shoulders.

I can remember kissing Azriel’s hands, the scars, it was one of our better moments. It was a low blow to do it to Eris too but it had happened without thought, like an instinct and it made Azriel absolutely feral.

Once the meeting was over Cassian was quick to grab Azriel’s arm and tell him to winnow before he could say anything he’d regret.

“Always a pleasure Cassian,” Eris smiled to the male. “Shadow singer,” He nods his head. “If you don’t mind I’d like to leave early, we have places to be,” Eris looks at me with a smile and I return it. “Yeah enjoy my sloppy seconds,” Azriel spat and I smirked. “You’re the one who told me to find someone who could fuck better than you,” I scoff. “Don’t be jealous because I did.”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous when I had you before you started whoring yourself around—” He started. “Az,” Cassian warned, even his brother was upset at him. It felt good to make him hurt, felt like power. Eris looked like he was about to retort, looked angry, and angry meant having little control over what you say so I placed a hand on his abdomen and he clamped his mouth shut with a low growl. He knew this was my battle, knew it should go out on my terms. However, that didn’t stop his fingertips from singing with fire.

“It’s humiliating, honestly Az,” I tease. “Don’t call me that,” He bites but I ignore him. “First you lose Elain to Lucien, and now me to his brother?” I say like it’s something to study, a truly demeaning tone. It made him furious. “Maybe you’d be better off going for girls who don’t want you,” I shrug and the spymaster snarled, Cassian winced at the indirect mention of Morrigan. “Just a suggestion,” I shrug, then look to Eris, signaling that I’m finished.

“Excuse us,” Eris flashes them a smile as he slips his warm hand into my cold one. Eris doesn’t wait for them to reply before he winnows us away, back to my apartment.

“You’re a lot more cunning than you look, Sunshine,” Eris says, his hand leaving mine in favor of coming to my cheek as I peered up at him. “I wasn’t too mean, was I?” My brows crease in worry. I wanted to get back at Azriel, sure, but I wasn’t looking to break any alliances. “There’s the girl I know,” He uttered. “I didn’t mean to be impolite— I just,” I begin to ramble until he tilts my head up manually to face him, making me seal my lips shut at the wonder in his eyes, how he looked at me the way no one has before.

“You were perfect,” He reassured. “And watching you tear him apart was awfully attractive,” He smirked. “I did not tear him— what do you mean?” I snap my head up to look at him and he shrugs. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t want to,” He shrugs. He wanted to?

“Do you, still want to?” I asked meekly with his hands on my cheeks and my heart pounding against my ribs so loud I was sure he could hear it.

“So shy,” He observes with a growing smile. “That’s okay, we can work on that,” He says like it’s a pressing issue, clearly excited to corrupt it out of me.

I rise onto my toes and crash my lips onto his, warmth blooming in the pit of my stomach at the sensation. My hands came to his jaw while he traveled down onto my waist, one finding purchase at my hip while the other came under my hip, tapping twice and indicating for me to jump. I wrap my legs tightly around his torso as he catches me.

My back bows as he leans into it, tilting my head to the side and opening my mouth for his tongue. We blindly stumbled down the hallway, he must’ve been guessing his steps because he was too busy with his lips on mine, too enamored with our kiss to ask which door was my bedroom.

He got lucky and opened the door to the master chamber, quickly closing the door behind him.

I didn’t want to waste another moment without his skin to mine, a moment without him inside of me, a moment without his hands in my hair— so I was grateful when my back met the mattress of my bed and he crawled over me, settling between my open legs, hovering above me with his hands on either side of my head.

We were both panting when he pulled away, need blazing in his eyes like a fire and I leaned closer to smother it, or get burned by it, I hadn’t decided yet.

His lips reconnected with mine and I was quick to reach for the buttons of his shirt, pulling him free from the fabric that strained against his muscular arms while he worked at the ties of my dress.

We were a tangle of limbs and needy pulls until eventually he thrashed my dress off and I unbuckled his pants. He breathed deeply as he pulled away, taking my bare body in, studying every curve and fill of my figure. Gods he looked like an animal with that glint in his eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” He confessed, head dipping into my neck and leaving sloppy love bites trailing from my jaw to my collarbone. “You imagined this?” I murmur, attempting to tease him but it came out all too soft and innocent. “Fuck, every night baby,” He admits and my cheeks flush.

He manages to get his pants off, freeing himself from the constraints of his boxers. I nearly gasped at the sight of him because, Mother, he was huge.

“Eris I don’t think I can,” I look down at his erect member with creased brows, afraid he might split me in half.

“I know baby, it’s okay, we’ll stretch you out first,” He reassured, placing a gentle kiss on my neck and I nodded, trusting him.

“You want my tongue or fingers?” He questions and his sultry gaze leaves me wanting his lips on mine. “Fingers,” I say, only because I favored his lips when they were kissing me. I’d have to see how good he was with his tongue at a different time.

He flashed an animalistic smile before leaning down and sealing his mouth over mine, tongue immediately finding its place swirling with mine, not a battle but a dance.

He practically rips my panties off, and then two of his fingers dive into my soaked folds, my arousal lubing his hand. He smiles at the feel of me, how wet I was over just a few kisses.

His thumb made contact with my clit and I arched, a soft moan slipping from the base of my throat and he caught it with his mouth. He smirks, his fingers beginning to circle over my pulsing entrance, I ached for him, for all of him.

“Eris,” I pleaded out and that was all he needed before he sent both of his long, wide fingers into my cunt. I gritted my teeth at the stretch, holding back moans as he began to curl them expertly inside of me, flicking over that sensitive spot with ease like he knew exactly where I wanted him.

“Fuck, so good at that,” I murmur incoherently, sweat lining my brow as he continues to pleasure me with his hand alone.

His thumb returned to that delicate bud, teasingly circling it with the perfect amount of pressure. My breathing becomes heavy as a symphony of moans is pulled from my chest. There was no way to explain the feeling in my abdomen, the feeling he caused. It was engrossing and hot, so fucking hot.

He was like a furnace above my body, absorbing all the heat from the room so he could possess it, burning over me.

“Eris, I can’t s’too much,” I whisper helplessly and his hand continues to work, continuing its relentless pleasure over my pussy.

“Be a good girl and cum on my hand, alright?” He instructs and I suck in a sharp breath, feeling that orgasm pick up then tumble over that fine line. My legs jolt as I find release, doing exactly as he said and reaching my high on his fingers alone. “That’s it, just like that,” He hummed, helping me down from my climax as he pulls his fingers from my stimulated cunt.

“You think you’re ready to take me Sunshine?” He tilts his head with a caring look in his eyes, if I didn’t know any better I’d think he was being mean, but his touches were gentle and his movements were slow, hinting that if I wasn’t ready he would stop and we could go to bed now.

“I want you inside Eris,” I confess. I wanted him more than just inside. I was ready to cut myself open and allow him to dissect me, analyze me. But I’d have to settle for this connection instead. “Please,” I beg, tears at the corners of my eyes from my earlier release and he nods. “Tap me twice if it’s too much alright?” He kisses my cheek with the intimacy of lovers who have been tangled in bedsheets for decades. “Okay,” I nod.

We watch as he aligns his heavy cock with my entrance, a pearl of his pre-cum budding at his red, angry tip. He swipes himself through my folds a few times, the weight of him alone enough to satisfy. He lathers himself in my arousal, then strokes himself once, twice, until finally, he pushes his head into my aching slit. He grunts at the tight feeling and I was unsure if I was pushing him out or sucking him in.

He moves deeper, going quicker as to get the most uncomfortable part for me over with. His movements remain gentle, my fingers intertwine into his deep, auburn hair. Whiskey-colored eyes stare down at me half-lidded and it only leaves my heat sopping wet.

I swallow my moans as he reaches halfway, then deeper. He brushes over that perfect, sensitive spot then somehow goes further. I hadn’t even known it was possible to be so fucking long because by the time he had sheathed himself entirely his tip lightly kissed my cervix.

I writhed beneath him as he began to pull in and out, thrusting his hips at a leisurely pace, feeling out what made me feel good and where he was when I moaned the most. He was specializing this entirely to me and how it made me feel.

“Faster,” I panted. “Fuck, Eris I want you feral,” I plead, the tears that had been threatening at my eyes now spilling onto my cheeks, down onto the mattress below my head. He followed my instruction, picking up his pace and beginning to piston himself into me with such a maddening force that the bed began to creak against the power.

He held me tight so I didn’t move up the bed with his movements, and the sounds, the wet, lewd sounds of his cock entering me over and over sent me into a moaning mess.

“Spread your legs,” He ordered. I did as he said, going as far as I could manage. “That’s it, wider baby,” He hummed and I let out a cry of pleasure as he brushed my cervix at his next thrust, breath leaving my lungs momentarily at the feeling. He smirks at the way I squeezed him tighter. He grabbed my thighs and forced my legs apart himself, folding me in half and bringing them up to my chest, holding me in a mating press.

I whimpered at the realization that I was completely vulnerable for him, laid entirely bare and I fucking loved every second of it.

A fire roared in the hearth, the warm light making his skin practically glow with the sheen of sweat on his chest. “You’re so tight,” He grunted out in between thrusts. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock.” My pussy pulsed at that, at the unapologetic force of his shaft as he rammed into me, the dirty words, the perfect sounds that filled the room.

Eris continues to push into me, faster this time, his speed outmatched and the look in his eyes, pure lust. He leans down and trails kisses from the side of my neck, taking in the expanse and leaving it with marks and saliva. He kisses to the back of my ear, his soft whimpers inaudible if he was any farther sent me reeling, gods he whined every time he drove into me and I loved every fucking moment of it.

“All mine,” He purrs at the shell of my ear, his breath fanning over my jaw. “All yours,” I reply and he twitches at the devoting words. “No one else can fuck you this good, isn’t that right?” He hums and I mewl— because he was right, he sent me to planets of pleasure, the emotion behind each of his thrusts left me convulsing.

“Mhm,” I nod. “Best I ever had, Eris,” I pant and he smiles, nipping at my earlobe before returning his attention to rolling his hips over mine, his balls slapping against my ass as my slick drips onto my thighs.

He continues to push into me, every injection harder and deeper than the last leaving me to spiral beneath him. His base rubbed against my clit and that had been my breaking point. “Eris, I’m gonna—” I couldn’t even get the words out. “I know, me too baby go ahead,” He allowed and with his next thrust hitting my cervix I found that sweet ecstasy and it was more than just a wave of pleasure it was a tsunami, crashing down onto me with a force I thought I’d never recover from. I felt full, complete.

He followed soon after, his release pumping into me and painting my walls white, and gods he was so close to my womb I could feel his warm seed seep into my cervix while I milked his cock dry.

I pant and my legs jolt as he guides them away from my chest and slowly pulls himself from my throbbing cunt, still squeezing him in despite just experiencing the best orgasm of my life.

He flipped over onto the pillow beside me. Our pants filled the room as the fire dwindled into ash and we were left in the darkness, with nothing but the company of each other.

We lay there for only a moment before Eris left my side on the bed, pulling his boxers back up. I assume he’s going to leave now that whatever transaction this was is over, and even if I felt my heart crumbling to pieces I’d let him go. We didn’t owe each other anything, there was no reason for him to stay anymore, even if I wanted him to.

I ignored the noises of clothes ruffling and drawers opening, closing my eyes and waiting for him to leave until I got up to clean myself.

That was until warm arms came beneath my back and thighs, hoisting me up into his arms bridal style.

“What are you doing?” My brows crease, arms wrapping around his neck involuntarily. “I’m getting you cleaned up,” He explains with such a casual smile it makes my heart beat twice as fast.

He led me into the bathroom and placed me on the cool counter, the apex of my thighs aching with an already developing soreness. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” He offers, finding a rag beneath the sink and wetting it with warm water. “You were with me for most of my day,” I mumble and he smiles at the fact. “Tell me about before, talk to me,” He says and an odd feeling begins to spread in my chest, the kind that made my cheeks flush and my head spin.

So I did. I told him about my day, how I went to the flower market and ran into a familiar face, how I invited him in for wine and it managed to end in the best sex of my life.

I also told him about how I felt when I was getting my revenge on Azriel. Told him that it made me feel powerful, but also that I was satisfied where it ended and I wasn’t interested in associating with him at all any longer.

I told stories, topics varying in length until I was sure I had been talking his ear off— but he was listening, chiming in now and then, signaling that he was still tuned in to whatever I had to say. It was healing to talk about all of this while he cared for me, his touches gentle and his calloused fingers warm. He healed internal scars with those hands.

When I cleaned myself up I wiped myself down and then changed into a nightgown before getting into bed. He took his chance to go above and beyond, he even offered a bath but I told him I was tired so he only wiped me down in touches so featherlight I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t been staring at him in the low lighting the entire time.

He brushed through my hair and made sure I was okay and safe. I had realized he was so gentle with me because of the way his father had treated women in the past, his mother in particular. Becoming a male like that seemed to be Eris’ greatest fear, which made clear why he was so soft with me. And perhaps it was also because I deserved the kindness.

“This one?” He held up my softest nightgown and I nodded, putting my arms up so he could slip it over my head. He grinned as I adjusted the dress down past my head, leaving my hair in my face, making me grin wildly. He reached out and brushed it behind my ears.

“I love that smile,” He hums and my cheeks burn with a blush. He then leans in and presses a loving kiss to my lips. I had never experienced anything quite like it and now I never wanted anything else. He pulled away, analyzing my features beneath the dim light, and if I wasn’t red from his earlier comment I definitely was now.

“Alright, let’s get you into bed,” He reached beneath my thighs and hoisted me up into his arms, carrying me back into my room and then laying me down on the soft mattress.

I sigh contentedly as he slips into the bed beside me. “Can you hold me,” I whisper, feeling confident enough around him to ask such a thing. “Was planning on it,” He smirks, wrapping his arm around my torso, and pulling me right into his chest.

I smirk excitedly, slinging my leg over his torso and wrapping my arms around the back of his neck. “I thought you were tired?” He murmured as I pecked all over his face in lazy kisses. “I don’t want to waste this,” I confess and his gaze softens. “I’ll be here in the morning,” He reassured and I swallowed thickly. “Promise?” I murmur and he nods, pressing a hard kiss on my forehead. “I promise, sunshine.” And those words sent me into the first peaceful slumber I’ve had in a while.

Eris had not been in the bed next to me when I awoke. A sense of hurt and betrayal ran through me at the sight of the empty bed. I audibly groaned in defeat, muttering curses into my pillow because last night had left me so hopeful, but I suppose what’s easy in the evening is a drag by morning.

I huff and slip from my covers, adjusting the straps of my nightgown and leaving my bedroom with small, waddling steps due to my horribly sore legs.

I continued my slow, depressing trudge until I made it into the kitchen and froze at the sight of Eris leaning over the stove, making breakfast.

“You’re going to get burned cooking shirtless,” I warn, ignoring the visible release of tension in my shoulders. Because he held up his promise, even better, he’s making me food. He whirls around to face me with a small smile. “I won’t get burned,” He scoffs, holding his hand out to the fire of the stove, the flames growing then reaching towards him and forming into a ball in his palm.

I marveled and walked closer, staring straight into the flickering ball of heat, dangerously close. “You won’t either,” He says, uncurling his fingers and allowing the fire to stretch into a line of flames leading from me to him. My breath hitched as the flame came into contact with my skin but it didn’t burn, in fact, it barely even tickles. The serpent of fire twines around my wrist, dancing along my skin and I smile, looking up at him excitedly like I was the one controlling it.

“See? You’re safe,” He says then retracts the flames and feeds them back into the fire at the stove. Safe. That was the feeling that’s been filling that pit in my stomach.

“Now, you hungry?” He tilts his head and I look up at him in wonder, why was I ever settling for less when I could have everything I ever wanted with him?

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips hard onto his, attempting to show my gratitude through the action, my chest pressing to his as his arms came around me, heating my frame as I exposed my fragile heart to him and he returned the movement with the same tenderness. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He mumbled against my mouth, making me smile giddily up at him.

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[itsjunear]

Hidden feelings

Az x reader

Warnings: None, mention of loneliness, death and a little anger.

Note: Hello again! Thank you for taking the time to read me. I'm sorry if this is a disaster again, English is not my first language but I do what I can. Maybe I'll do a second part, I don't know yet. Again, thanks for reading even though I may not be very good at this.

I was listening to this song while writing this and I really loved it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Was it a good idea to come today?"

I shrunk a little in my seat and swallowed hard. Of course, it had been a good idea; I was with my family. With mine, I reminded myself.

However, I couldn't help but feel a little... alone.

Rhys was in front of me, laughing at the story Feyre was telling him about one of the children attending painting classes in her studio, and Amren watched her amusedly with a glass of wine in her hand.

Cassian was at one end of the room, engrossed in listening to Nesta's account of how the Valkyries' training had gone.

And Az... the shadowsinger was chatting with Elain, who smiled sweetly at him, and she talked to him about the new flowers she was planting in the front part of the River House, in her lovely garden.

My heart squeezed a little, and I approached the window.

I gazed at the view, the lights twinkled cheerfully across the city, quite contrary to my mood. I sighed and took a sip of wine. Mor was visiting the Winter Court, so I had no one to get drunk with, even though I was very sure that anyone would have agreed to the request. They wouldn't have asked questions; they wouldn't have asked why I desperately needed to drown myself in drunkenness. They would have simply accompanied me.

But I didn't want to interrupt. I didn't want to ruin their states of... happiness.

They deserved it after all. Each one deserved whatever moments of happiness, and I didn't want to take that away from them.

I discreetly turned my gaze back to the shadowsinger, and a deep pain invaded my heart. There was no trace of Az's shadows, who was smiling at Elain in a way that felt very genuine. And she returned the gesture.  Part of me could understand it, the sweet Elain, who could resist her? She was so delicate, so kind, and she had won everyone's heart.

She wasn't to blame for any of my feelings. She wasn't to blame for my secretly being in love with the shadowsinger for over three hundred years and never having told him. That was my fault.

"Maybe you should stop looking at the window as if it were your enemy, or it will think you really hate it" Cassian joked beside me.

I turned my gaze to him and smiled slightly.

"I didn't see you at training today," said as he gently squeezed my arm as a show of affection. I shrugged, feigning indifference.

"I wasn't feeling well." Lie. I hadn't gone because it hurt to look at Az. I knew he would be there, and I... well, maybe it wasn't entirely a lie. I did feel a little unwell. Not physically, of course.

Cassian put an arm around my shoulder and looked at me with concern. "Is everything okay?"

No. Yes.

I forced a smile on my face, convincing enough not to ruin his evening. "Yes, Cass. It's nothing" I downplayed it. "A little food will cheer me up" Cassian smiled slightly, but the concern didn't vanish from his eyes.

I had never told anyone about my crush on Az. No one. And I supposed I had hidden it enough not to raise suspicions.

"Well, I'll tell them it's time to eat, or you'll get grumpy" he said. I laughed a little as I nudged Cassian lightly. Minutes later, we were all seated in the dining room.

Rhys had sat next to me, followed by Feyre "May I know why you've become so lazy that we now need to schedule an appointment to see you?" a voice spoke in my mind. I smiled without looking at Rhys as I served myself some salad. "I have a very busy schedule, High Lord" I replied aloud. Rhys raised an eyebrow, but he didn't press further.

Grateful that he didn't ask more questions, I looked up only to meet Az's eyes staring at me intently. I smiled slightly as I watched his shadows swirl behind him and coil around one of his round ears.

Okay, maybe I had been avoiding everyone a little, it's just that I didn't want to infect them with my bad mood. And I didn't want to hurt myself more by seeing Az with Elain.

The shadowsinger continued to look at me, and I furrowed my brow.

"Do I have something?" I asked.

"Aside from a bad mood, nothing" Cassian teased as I kicked him under the table before hissing. Nesta chuckled softly.

The conversation flowed slowly. Everyone conversed with everyone, and I simply listened. I enjoyed the naturalness with which Feyre laughed at a bad joke from Cassian and the way Rhys howled when Amren teased him afterward. I even enjoyed the dessert Elain had prepared, complimenting her on how delicious it had been. But I never looked at the shadowsinger. I didn't want to torture myself anymore. I didn't want to hurt my heart anymore when I thought about how much I longed to be close to him. So, for my own sake, I resisted sneaking glances at him.

Then something Rhys said caught my attention "... happened on the outskirts of an Illyrian camp. It ended in the death of four females" Horrified, I looked at him. "I didn't get any coherent or hole-free answers about what might have actually happened" anger emanated from him, from the rage that tinged his voice, I could assume he was quite frustrated with the situation. Feyre put her hand on his, trying to reassure him.

My friends deserved peace. They deserved these moments of peace. So, I didn't think twice before offering myself. "I'll go, Rhys"

"No" Az said quickly, his voice firm.

Cassian looked at him but didn't say anything, apparently in agreement.

Maybe it was anger that surged through my spine and made me act like an idiot. "I wasn't asking for permission" I spat out each word slowly.

The shadowsinger tensed as he frowned, the shadows behind him stirring. "It's very dangerous"

This time it was definitely anger boiling under my skin. I wanted to go on this mission so they could continue to be at peace, but also to get away from him. I needed a break from thinking about his eyes, from thinking that every part of him seemed beautiful to me. Even the hands he hated. "I'm old enough to make that decision" I simply said.

"I'll go with you."

I felt my whole-body tense.

"No" Az gave me a hurt look, and I regretted behaving like this, but I needed to get away. To distance him. "I can do this alone. The others need you here" I added quickly.

"Rhys" I called. He looked at me a little indecisive, debating whether to side with his brother or mine. He looked at Feyre, and I guessed they had a conversation mind to mind as they usually did when they had to make a decision.

"Alright. But you'll report every day" Feyre concluded. I smiled gratefully, and she returned the gesture, although concern also shone in her eyes.

The room filled with tension.

"She's not a spy" Az declared with a frosty look.

"Enough, Azriel" I said irritably.

Why did he insist so much on this? I was perfectly capable of doing it. I had gone on more dangerous missions and come out unscathed. This shouldn't be so complicated, and I felt that justice needed to be served for those four dead females. Cassian cleared his throat, bringing me back to reality in my seat, and I looked at Rhys with a polite smile. "I'll leave at dawn tomorrow. You'll get a report in the evening"

Rhys nodded, and dinner ended without any further incident. However, I felt the intense gaze of the shadowsinger on me for the rest of the night, until I fell asleep on the couch while some continued to drink.

In the midst of unconsciousness, I felt warm hands lift me up and a hard chest brush against my body. Drowsily, I buried my head in the crook of the neck of the one carrying me and relaxed when a familiar pine scent enveloped me. He gently laid me down on the large bed and took off my shoes almost reverently.

I might have imagined it, but I clearly felt how before leaving, he placed a kiss on my hair and closed the door, leaving me engulfed in darkness.

[writingforrhys]

as you were

cassian x reader warnings: none! just some arguing and very sassy bat boys LOL. and some nesta and elain slander oh and quite a bit of swearing contents: welcome to a long awaited part 2 of smaller than this! i finally wrote the comfort to the hurt. please enjoy!

masterlist

Cassian couldn't find you anywhere.

He was sweaty, and disgusting, and disheveled after a long morning of training with his brothers. Azriel had been on point this particular session, seemingly being able to read Cassian's mind and know his every next move. He'd been put to the floor more times than he could count and all he wanted was to find you, bathe, and throw himself under the covers for some comfort and some really good sex.

The Illyrian had flown down to the Rainbow in search of your favourite bakery for some custard treat that he knew you couldn't get enough of and a bunch of your favourite flowers. And now, he couldn't fucking find you.

There was nothing better to Cassian than that shy look you'd get on your face when he'd turn up with gifts in hand, like you couldn't believe you were the one he was giving them to. The way you'd wring your hands together and rock on your feet, reaching towards him with that big, bright smile and a welcome home kiss, just to rush off to put your flowers in some water or show Rhys exactly what he'd bought you.

Gods, he needed to find you.

He felt like he'd searched the house 3 times over. He'd gone to the library, the kitchens, even Rhys's study and still no sight of you. It had barely hit noon and he knew your routine ridiculously well. You should've been pottering somewhere.

He found himself standing outside of your shared bedroom, concerned that perhaps you'd fallen ill, or caught on to one of Az's headaches, and had retired to your bed for the day. He craned his ears to search for any signs of life from the room; put off by the lack of light funnelling through the gaps of the door.

Cassian was just about ready to haul ass and search for you again elsewhere, when he heard it. It... you... a sniffle?

The door slowly creaked open, warm light from the hall washing over the unmoving mass under the sheets. Cassian moved as gently as he could, (albeit he was not very gentle at all), and found only the top of your head peeking through.

"Are you okay, honey? Not feeling well?"

His kind words and tender tone made you want to cry even more and you had to resist the urge to not look over the sheets and take a look at his beautiful face.

"I'm fine, Cass." And there it was. Mistake, mistake, mistake.

Any other person would've walked away. Any other person would have wished you farewell and hoped you got better. Any other person wouldn't concern themselves over the inflection of your voice. But not Cassian.

No, Cassian heard it all. Saw it all. He heard the shaking of your speech, the uncertainty. Could hear the wetness. And, he could bet that if he pulled back the bed covers, he'd find you tear-stained and choked up and utterly humiliated. And he was always right when it came to you.

And now, as panic blossomed in his chest, he took a seat next to your unmoving form and placed a hand just atop your body. He was careful not to remove the covers; he didn't need you closing off even more.

"You wanna tell me what happened, my love?"

A head shake.

"Did someone do this to you? Has someone made you upset?"

Silence.

"Who."

You removed the covers now, no further down than the top of your chest he noticed, and the sight of you broke his heart. You were all sniffles and puffy faced and hair so unkempt it could make a Naga run back to the woods. You'd obviously been here a while - alone and vulnerable. His heart broke again.

"It's okay, Cassie, really. They didn't mean any harm. I wasn't even supposed to hear it."

"They?" He was furious. Utterly and blindingly furious. Whoever had made you cry was very soon certain to wish they were never born.

Your eyes fluttered closed as you sighed, realising this was a battle not easily won. Cassian was not the type to let things go easily, especially when it came to you, and you weren't foolish enough to hope that he would just leave it alone.

"Nesta and Elain," Your voice was just a whisper, eyes still closed, "They... they were talking about me. Didn't have many nice points."

The Illyrian was the picture of silent rage. His heart a furnace; one doing a terrific job at boiling the blood under his skin.

"What did they say?"

You were hesitant now, as if speaking the words aloud would somehow make them more true. Your eyes peeked open, looking everywhere but Cass, until a large hand took purchase upon your cheek, tilting your face to meet his encouraging stare.

Your voice wobbled as you told him what they'd said - the descriptions that had hurt you the most. More tears streamed down your face at this and a calloused thumb reached to wipe every one away.

Once you had finished, Cassian stood silently, leaning down to plant a kiss to your hairline, and made a beeline for the door.

"Where are you going?" You wiped at your tired eyes.

"I'm off to kill some sisters."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The door to the living room had slammed open so fast that the walls of the house had shaken. Every head in the room had whipped to a seething Cassian in the doorway.

Rhysand was the first to stand and reach out his hand tentatively, as if taming a beast, "What's wrong, brother?"

Cassian's gaze didn't even land upon the High Lord. His line of sight shot right to the sofa behind him, carrying Feyre and Lady Death herself.

"You."

Nesta wasn't someone who showed much emotion in her face. Her range of expressions only varied between extremely discontent and mildly satisfied. But now, with the General standing in the doorway and a thunderous stare thrust upon her, she didn't know how to hide the amount of emotion bubbling up to her face.

Seeing her sister's agitation, the High Lady also rose to her feet and stepped forward. One of her hands rested upon Cassian's arm, gently rubbing as she lead him into the room.

"You need to tell us what the problem is, or we can't fix it."

"What's the problem, Feyre?" He scoffed, "She's my fucking problem."

The Illyrian's voice was raising with every word he spat. His voice had reached the adjourned kitchens, where Azriel and Elain now tentatively filtered out. Elain monitored the situation carefully, and quickly took a seat next to Nesta, grasping one of her hands in her own.

"Cassian, perhaps you need to calm down. I'm sure Nesta will be more comfortable to talk to you then." Elain's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Oh, go bake some fucking bread, Elain!"

"Cassian," Azriel spoke, "You need to choose your next words carefully."

"Really, brother? I don't think I do," He turned to Azriel, "Would you like to know what your little girlfriend has been saying about Y/N?"

The room was silent. Elain was red.

A beat passed as Azriel and Rhysand made eye contact. Azriel's shoulder's squared and his jaw ticked. Rhys laid a hand on Feyre's elbow, who was quick to leave the room with a soft mutter of I'm going to check on Y/N. The three Illyrian's were now facing the sisters on the couch, a storm brewing in the room.

"What did you say?" The shadowsinger's voice was uncomfortably steady.

"We didn't say anything. Get your guard dogs away from us." Nesta seethed at Cassian.

"You didn't... say anything?" Rhysand spoke slowly - accusatory.

Elain was nothing like her sister. Nesta could lie for days on end and not break a sweat. Often, when they were young, Nesta would spin tales about the other children in the village and see which rumour she could make spread faster. When she was confronted, Nesta had no problem lying to their faces again, or telling them exactly what she thought of them to their face. Whatever she preferred in the moment.

Elain was not like Nesta. Elain would return from school or the market, sit by the hearth on the floor, and spin her tales there. The words she spoke never left their house, not by her own voice anyway. She knew from Nesta's approving hums and nods that the next day, whatever Elain had spun would miraculously make it across the town. And she loved it.

Elain did not like consequences, and she did not like confrontation.

"We didn't say anything." She whispered. She dared not look up.

"That's funny, really," Cassian spoke to his brothers, "Nesta and Elain have decided that Y/N isn't good enough for us. For me."

"Oh, I wasn't aware that was up for them to decide, Cass."

"Neither did I, Rhys."

Azriel's face was still stony, "Would you like to tell the truth now?"

"Oh please, what we said wasn't that bad. The drama in your court is abysmal, Rhysand." The eldest Archeron bristled, "You'd think the royalty of the Night Court would have better things to do than gossip."

"Let me make one thing very clear. If I ever hear you speak ill of another member of my court again, it will be the last thing you ever do in this court." Rhys was not speaking as himself now. This was the High Lord. This was your High Lord. Undoubtedly and unapologetically loyal to you.

"Y/N is the best of us," Azriel spoke lowly, "I wouldn't expect you to understand, but you have misspoken and you've made a grave mistake. You will apologise profusely, and from this point on you will do everything you can to make this right."

Azriel left then, his long legs climbing the stairs and his footsteps following the familiar path straight to your room. Elain's face had fallen completely now, tears threatening to spill over her cheeks.

"We have known Y/N for the best part of 500 years. We have known the both of you for all of 5 minutes," Rhys' eyes bore into the sisters, "She has loved us and we have loved her for longer than you've been alive. You should be surprised that I haven't already dropped you at the border."

Rhys turned then to the door, his back facing the room.

"Do not let me hear of this again."

And with that, he followed Azriel up the stairs.

The Seer glanced between her sister and the General and took her opportunity to breathe a weak apology and immediately flee the room.

Typical, Nesta thought.

"Well, whatever you have to say, I suggest you get it out."

She was right. Cassian had been far too quiet. If he left his emotions unchecked any longer, he could very well do something he would regret. Well, he wouldn't regret it that much. But he'd like to avoid the grovelling he'd have to do to Feyre.

"My life is none of your concern," He began, "Who I take to bed is none of your concern and who I spend my time with is none of your concern."

Nesta rolled her eyes.

"What?" Cassian spat, "Would you rather I profess my undying love for you instead of her? You, who has shown me nothing but hatred and contempt since the moment we met. And Y/N who has spent 5 centuries giving me kindness and a home."

She wasn't looking at him anymore, completely silent as the Illyrian grew quiet again himself.

"She means everything to me. I have never and will never tolerate anyone who attempts to jeopardise what we have. Especially not you."

"What do you even see in her?" Cassian couldn't tell whether it was a jab or a genuine question. He didn't like either.

"All I see is her," A small smile, "All I think about is her. When I leave in the morning, I think about what she might choose to wear that day. And on the way home, I think about where I'll find her. Whether she'll be reading in the library, or teaching Az how to knit for the 50th time, or baking or bathing or singing."

He didn't pause to see Nesta's face shifting to shock.

"And when I do get back, the first face I want to see is Y/N's. To see her smile or hear her laugh. Most of the time I can't believe that I'm the bastard she chose to love. That I'm the one who gets to hold her every night."

Cassian made his move to leave, but just before he reached the doorway, he turned back to look Nesta in the eye.

"Y/N is the most beautiful, loving person I've ever met. I wonder sometimes how flowers don't grow on the grass she treads. You're lucky I haven't left you dead on the floor for the way you've spoken about her."

And as you listened on the stairs, your cheeks red and smile bright, you knew.

You knew that you didn't have to travel the universe to find someone who loves you. You didn't need to have a different body or a different mind to find someone who sees you.

Because Cassian was here, in this house, loving you and seeing you. For everything you are.

He loved you just as you were.

[azrielwingspan]

DISTRACTIONS (AZRIEL X OC)- PART 1

Distractions is a collection of short stories whose main characters are Azriel and Nyra (OC).

It's established that there is some heavy tension between them (everyone suspects lol) and I decided to put into words a few visualizations I've had of the both of them just pining for each other, playing hard to get, flirting, a bit of angst, some fluff and overall just being HELLA CUTE OKAY.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is PART 1 !!!

Summary :

The IC , Nyra and a couple of mutual friends decide to stay in for a night and celebrate the success of one of their more important missions. A bit of alcohol and a cozy setting can do wonders.

Warnings: Nothing major. Lots of drinking, fluff if you squint your eyes.

"Okay, bring out the expensive wine. I'm sick of whatever crap this is." Cassian said making a disgusted face at the glass of wine in his hand. Nesta, curled up by his side on the love seat in front of the fireplace , smirked at him over the rim of her peppermint teacup.

"That would've been possible.." drawled Rhys from the wingback chair adjacent to the fireplace "if you hadn't made it your life goal to rid my wine cellar of it's most expensive occupants."

A few chuckles rose around the room and Cassian scowled , halfheartedly taking a sip from the crap wine in his hand.

Despite the lack of good wine, everyone was in good spirits that day. The parlor in Rhysand's and Feyre's Riverhouse was occupied by their closest group of friends who were finally able to let loose after weeks of intense work. The fireplace cast a cozy glow over the dark wood furniture with emerald green accents and provided a warm embrace against the frigid rain lashing against the windows.

The smell of alcohol , rain and smoky cedar mixed in with the quiet chattering of the occupants , sometimes interrupted by a boisterous laugh set everyone's senses at ease and lulled them into comfort.

"I heard the party started without me."

Heads whipped towards the doorway of the parlor where Nyra stood grinning with her hands behind her back. Dressed in a gold satin dress with dark hair in a braid, her green eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Well..." said Nicolai, her best friend since childhood, "you are two hours late." He glanced at the clock placed on the mantel above the fireplace.

"I am aware. Which is whyyyy..." Nyra brought her hands forward showing everyone the two bottles of tequila she'd managed to buy before showing up.

Cheers erupted through the room, Cassian nearly jumping out his seat. Mor tackled her in a hug saying "Thank the Cauldron. I was ready to fall asleep."

She was pulled into the room , bottles taken out of her hand and replaced with shot glasses. A grin was etched onto her face as everyone assembled near the fire place to take their first shots together.

Nyra was trying very hard. She really was. She was putting every ounce of her willpower towards not looking at the male at the periphery of her vision. Being in the same room as him was enough to make her heart stutter and set off a swarm of butterflies in her stomach. Her body was attuned to his every movement and he was the first thing her mind directed her to in any room.

She would've gone straight to him and spent the entire evening by his side but this thing between them was becoming too evident. She would be asked questions that she didn't have an answer to. She wasn't ready to face that. Not yet. Perhaps she was a coward but she didn't want to face that either. That's how she had survived for so long and she wasn't keen on facing those parts of her anytime soon. There were more important things to focus on.

"To us. The dreamers and conquerors." Rhys raised his shot glass in the air and everyone followed him. Once the shots were downed, a few coughs erupting as the burn of the alcohol kicked in, Nyra made her way through the crowd talking to everyone she knew.

She would speak to him last. She could spend the most time with him. She almost rolled her eyes at her own thoughts and tried to focus on her companions words. She'd sneaked a peek at him because she couldn't help herself and her stomach lurched at how devastatingly handsome he looked. Wearing a simple black shirt unbuttoned at the top , the firelight falling across half his face making the deep tan of his skin glow against the stark contrast of his shadows, hazel eyes that were glazed from the alcohol he had consumed, he looked ravishing good. He stood near the chest of drawers, an elbow placed on the surface of the chest lazily while the other hand held his glass of...whisky. She would know for sure if she kissed him.

She had immediately turned away , not trusting herself to stop staring if she started and tried to give her undivided attention to her companion. She might have zoned out on his face multiple times because he seemed to take the hint and end the conversation before she made a bigger fool of herself.

"NYRA!" Feyre called from the other side of the room, where she was perched on the chair that Rhys occupied. She made her way to Feyre all the while being aware of the set of hazel eyes that trailed her.

Don't look. Don't look. Don't you dare.

Successfully making it without tripping on her dress or making lovesick eyes at a certain male, she listened to Feyre update her on what had happened in her absence. A couple more shots and drinks were consumed during their gossip session with Mor. Nyra had reached a point where she let out a laugh at every single thing that came out of Feyre's mouth. That tequila had done its job too well. She'd forgotten how many shots she had until that point but judging by the lightness in her head and the slight spin around her , she had enough.

Realizing it was time to sit down before she split her head on the floor, she turned around looking for an empty seat. She found one at the other end of the parlor but it didn't look as enticing as the chaise lounge chair where Azriel was seated speaking to another male. There's just enough space for her to squeeze in. She'd reached a point where her intrusive thoughts couldn't be ignored anymore.

Letting her alcohol addled mind take over, she excused herself from the fizzing out gossip session and made her way over to Azriel. His eyes shot to her the moment she moved, making her think that he'd been keeping note of where she was the entire night. Her heart pounded harder with that thought and she forced herself to breathe normally. Hazel eyes finally clashed with hers and she couldn't help that child like joy that lit up her face. She wasn't this bad during her teenage years either ugh. What had this male done to her?

A small smirk curled his lips while his eyes shone with amusement. The bastard had known. He'd known that she was trying to avoid speaking with him till now. He had known and he had waited for her to come to him because Azriel knew that she couldn't fucking stay away.

She tried not to fidget under the intense gaze that he had fixated on her as she walked towards him. The male he was speaking to rattled on and Azriel interrupted him muttering in a low tone all the while not taking his eyes off of her. Nyra didn't know if it was the alcohol causing the heat to flush her face or if it was something else. Someone else. The male he was talking to found elsewhere to be.

"Hi." she whispered looking down at him and trying to control the whirlwind in her mind. "Hi." he whispered back looking up at her , his eyes holding promises of things she didn't let herself wonder about. He shifted on the seat hinting at her to sit down.

Maneuvering herself around a table, she fit herself into the space next to him trying not to sigh in content at the immediate cocoon of warmth that enveloped her. His scent invaded her senses and seemed to be more potent than the alcohol she had. The entire room seemed to vanish when it was just the both of them and she grateful that they were seated in a dark corner of the room.

"I think you're going a little cross eyed there." Azriel said throwing an arm behind her on the couch. She wanted to lean into him until there was no space left in between. "I think I see two of you." Double the fun.

He let out a raspy laugh that set shivers running down her back. They were so close but not close enough. His shadows faded into the darkness behind leaving the both of them blanketed in glimmers of firelight running across their skin.

"And here I thought avoiding one of me was a hard task for you." he said , eyes shimmering gold in the firelight.

"Not that hard truly. I just have to keep away from dark corners."

"Corners like this?"

"Exactly like this."

"And yet here you are."

"You seemed desperate to talk to me. So I decided to put you out of your misery."

"Did I now?"

"Oh yes you did."

"Well thankyou for putting me out of my misery, Nyra." He had a wonderful way of saying her name. The R came out with a trill, a habit he had picked up from her as a way of mocking her.

"You're welcome Shadowsinger. I do need a favor in return though." she said bringing up the glass of whatever was in there upto her lips while keeping her eyes glued to him.

"Favour?" he asked ,eyes trailing the movement of the glass to her lips. She might have taken an unnaturally long sip to keep his eyes trained on her mouth.

"Yes." she said breathily watching his eyes flick back to her.

Too far. This was going too far and too fast.

Clearing her throat she said "I demand to be taken to the pastry shop that everyone here seems to rave about. If there's anything to put me out of my misery, it's deliciously sweet pastries."

"Pastries? You know I've heard people say I can be deli--"

"Don't finish that sentence." she said fighting the laughter ready to erupt.

He raised his free hand in mock surrender and tipped back his glass of whisky. She could smell it now. A kiss could could confirm though.

She stole a glance at the tattoos peeking out of his shirt as he turned away from her to place the now empty glass on the floor beside them. He turned back towards her stunning her with the intensity of his gaze.

"Do you want to go now?" he asked shifting himself into a more comfortable position. His arm continued to rest behind her.

"Now? It's the middle of the night."

"I know."

Nyra blinked once, the only indication of her confusion.

"I'm sure the baker would go beyond working hours to put a beautiful woman out of her misery. I've heard he's quite charming."

Nyra was sure that the heat rushing to her face was not the alcohol this time. It was such a cheesy line and yet she almost fanned herself to get rid of the red staining her cheeks.

Azriel who never missed anything especially when it came to her, laughed quietly earning a smack on the arm.

“I think you’ve had enough to drink for tonight.” Nyra said trying to collect herself.

“I think I need more now that you’re here.”

“Funny. I was thinking the exact same thing.”

“I think every male requires a bit of liquid courage to be around you.”

“Am I that torturous?”

“You’re resplendent.”

“Is that your new word of the week?”

“One of the many for you.”

“Why Az, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were trying to charm me.”

“You don’t know better then.”

Nyra shut her mouth not knowing what to say. Azriel was much more talkative today. The alcohol had loosened him up and they were crossing into dangerous territory. Nyra would be lying if she told herself she wasn’t getting a rush from it.

“Charmed?” He asked breaking into her thoughts. They’d leaned a little closer to each other in the past few minutes. She was able to smell the heady mix of alcohol and cedar on him that muddled up her brain.

Maybe it was the sudden surge of confidence due to the alcohol or maybe it was the way Azriel was looking at her that made her want to play along.

She leaned even closer , stopping an inch from his face and let her breath wash over his lips as she said “You have to try much harder than that, Shadowsinger.”

His eyes flashed with surprise and desire. They’d never gotten this close to each other before. They really were cartwheeling across the invisible lines they had drawn for themselves today.

A grin broke out on his face sparking something in her chest that made her feel content. He was beautiful. She wanted him.

“I like a bit of a challenge. Things were starting to get boring around here.” He said as his eyes roved over her face as if he were trying to memorise every inch of her.

“Is that what I am? A challenge?” she questioned letting her free hand trace the markings on the ring he wore. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch and felt an absurd amount of satisfaction.

“An enigma.”

“Another word for me?”

“Only for you.”

Her mouth went dry at the stampede of emotions running through her causing her to wet her lips. Azriel attention honed in on that movement and her breath hitched at the predatory focus directed towards her.

After a beat of heavy silence, he gave her another lazy smile and moved away dropping his head back against the couch.

The firelight highlighted his onyx hair and she fisted her palms to stop herself from moving away a stray piece of hair from his face. She needed to leave. If this went any farther, she was reckless enough right now to cross a line they would never come back from.

As if hearing and agreeing with her thoughts, Azriel lifted his head and said to her “Get some sleep. I’ll take you to the pastry shop tomorrow morning. We’ll see how much of your misery can be taken care of.”

She tried to ignore the twinge of disappointment as he removed the hand from behind her. He was leaving. He paused his movements, suddenly studying her face intensely as if he were trying to decide on something.

The next thing she knew, a warm caress of lips touched her bare shoulder igniting a fire within her. Her head went silent, unable to process what just occurred.

“Good night.” His lips brushed the shell of her ear, his breath setting off goosebumps. Her entire body flushed with heat and before she could mutter her response, he left.

She saw him leave the parlor and realised that everyone had already left for the night. She hadn’t even noticed.

Pouring herself another glass of wine with her only companion being the soft pattering of rain against the windows , Nyra realised she was fucked .

Truly, utterly, completely fucked.

[helionpegasus]

ceilings part 5

Azriel x Reader

masterlist

summary: Reader always had vivid dreams due her Seer heritage. But things take a twist in her life when she wake up in a world that is not hers and the loving male that were always in her dreams shows to be very different from what she known him to be.

warning: none. but let me know if you find anything :)

words count: 1979

author's note: we're baaaack! now things will start happening more quickly and i'll try not making it too slowburn haha. i'll also include my personal theories in the story. anyway, hope you like it ❤️‍🩹

A whole month had passed.

The dream with little Azriel never happened again, and you didn’t know if this was good or bad. Because it wasn’t the only one to disappear, all the other dreams you used to have did.

All that surrounded your mind was what could that possibly mean. You came to Velaris because of those dreams, so it’s logical that you must need them to go back. So the possibility of not dreaming ever was starting to get the best of you.

The Shadowsinger being so wary of your being was not helpful at all. Once you talked about it with Nesta and she only said that “He’s like this. It’s nothing personal.”, but it feels extremely personal to you.

How he would stop talking about something once you enter the room, or send a bunch of his shadow to follow you through the House of Wind, and even look at you in a weird way during dinner.

Today you woke up to the rain pouring outside, the thunder humming low. When you enter the dining room to have breakfast, you find Nesta there, with a cup of tea in hand and a book in the other.

“No training today?” You ask sitting across from her and already putting a piece of strawberry pie that you found to be your favorite thing in this world.

“Headache. I’ll take the day off, since dealing with Cas and Az the whole day would only make it worse.” She said, taking a little laugh from you. You can’t even imagine what it was like to work with both of them.

“Well, today seems like a good day to relax. I don’t think the rain is gonna pass too soon.” You took the last bite from the pie.

“You’re right.” Nesta sighs. “I’m gonna give myself the privilege I didn’t have for so long: Spend the whole day in bed.”

“You deserve it!”

“Thank you! See you at dinner.” She took the last sip from her tea and exited the room going directly to the main hallway.

Unlike Nesta, you weren’t feeling so useful lately. So you think the best decision was to take your cup of tea to the library and continue your search, which you started last week but ended up in nowhere.

The floor you use to study wasn't much visited, you assumed the first time you went there. Even after having your presence for a whole week handling books and discovering shelves, all of them still have a layer of dust. And maybe the people who live here simply didn’t hold a curiosity in learning Prythian history, you thought that it would be a better option than the fact that this floor was so close to the darkness under it.

After hours of hard searching, because you are dealing with history and most of the books were written in the oldest language, your mind gets tired of it. Your tea was no longer hot and your eyes hurt from reading.

When your mind starts questioning if it was lunch time already you felt the presence. His presence. You could ignore how much it makes you uncomfortable, like you have been doing for all this time. But, today you were tired of it.

“You know I can feel when you are spying on me, right?” You say closing a book. Your back is still fronting him. “I’m just saying that, in case you didn't know, I think it would be good the information that I knew you were there all those times.” Then you finally turn to face him.

Azriel tried to not show the shock in his eyes, since this was the first time something like this was ever happening. He decides to stay silent, trying to form a sentence that wouldn’t make him sound like a stubborn child.

“Look, I don’t know what you have against me. But I already said a bunch of times that I’m willing to answer any question you have and I also said that Rhysand or Feyre can look in my mind if they want to.” You said looking into his eyes, hoping that he could see the truth in them.

You never stop being surprised with how his eyes could be so different looking at the same person. You.

“I don’t trust you.” He simply said.

Those words cut deep that you wanted to. With his low voice echoing in your head.

“Well…” You start, still gathering the right words to say and not betray how hurt you felt. “If I could help to change that, you certainly know where to find me.” You gave him a small smile that did not reach your eyes, and left the library not in the mood to continue your research anymore.

*

Azriel went straight to the River House after the quick conversation. Calling Rhys through his mind to an emergency meeting.

“You should look through her mind.” Azriel said when they entered the High Lord’s office.

“We already had this conversation a million times, Az.” Rhys says massaging his nose bridge. “She never was suspicious and never made any harm to any of us or the court.”

“Yet.”

“For Mother’s sake, Azriel.” Rhys rolls his eyes.

“I’m just saying that I think we should treat her like any stranger that enters the court out of nowhere.” Azriel said firmly with his opinion. “We gave her a roof the first day she came here. We don’t know anything about her, and I think this decision can put us in danger.”

“I wouldn’t make a decision to put any life in this court in danger, Azriel.” Rhysand's look was not friendly anymore. “And I don’t know what is happening with you lately. This is not the first time I say that you are having weird behavior.”

The Shadowsinger still remembers every word they shared in this same office in the first week you spent here.

“I’m just worried.” Az's voice was calmer this time. “I have noticed some things about her that I found strange.”

“And what would it be?”

“She can sense me around while I’m still hiding in the shadows.”

“She always had a weird connection with your shadows, we’re all working with that and she included.”

“Right. But I noticed that during her first nights, she disappeared.” 

“What do you mean?”

“When she went to sleep, she just disappeared for a few hours and then came back still sleeping. She did this for two or three nights and never did it again.”

Rhys was processing the information Azriel just said, his mind working on how she was capable of doing that on the House of Wind, a place that you could not winnow in or out.

“I can ask if she gives me the permission to look into her mind.” The High Lord says. “But if she doesn't, I will not force her to do so.” 

Azriel let out a sigh of relief, only nodding at his friend before leaving the office.

*

You weren’t expecting a reunion today. So when Nesta knocked on your door saying that everyone would meet in the living room, you needed to take time to fix yourself.

Everyone was already there when you arrived, and Feyre invited you to sit by her side.

“You must be wondering why we decided to do this unplanned meeting.” Rhysand says and you only nodded in confirmation. “We all want to help you to find answers and we need answers as well…”

“You want to look into my mind.” You finish his sentence.

You couldn’t keep your eyes from looking at Azriel for half a second. Remembering the convo early this morning.

“I’m only doing this with your permission and firstly, if you are comfortable with it.”

“You can look at it.” You look into his eyes, transmitting all the confidence you could gather.

Rhys took the spot in the chair in front of you. The first thing he did once he entered your mind was make himself present. He could be sneaky if he wanted to, you knew that from other experiences with Ruhn even if he only entered to communicate.

“I’ll show you everything and some things may need an answer. But I would prefer to answer all questions you may have privately.”

“You have my word.”

And you showed him everything.

The first of your dreams, the work you have been doing with your friends in Crescent City, your life with them and the University. Till what happened the day you came to their world, the fight with the strange creature and your last dream.

“The creature that attacked you was a kelpie.” Rhys said once he left your mind with all the information he needed.

The atmosphere of the room that was thick with expectation suddenly turns into shock and worry.

“A kelpie? In my world they look very different.” You say mostly to yourself.

“What do they look like?” Nesta asks to you.

“They are species that belong to the House of Many Waters. They are shapeshifters that appear mostly as a black horse and sometimes in a human form.”

“If those things were supposed to look like humans they are in the wrong shape.” Nesta says remembering her own fight with the creatures. That got a fit of laughter from everyone in the room.

“Thank you for showing me, (Y/N). Now that we have more details, maybe we can help you more.” Rhys said, offering you a soft smile.

“Since everyone is here, we should all take dinner together.” Cassian says and we all agreed.

“I will take Nyx and be back.” Feyre says going to the balcony with wings already appearing in her back.

“We can talk now if you want to.”  The High Lord offers and you give him a nod.

He leads you to the private library of the house. Much smaller than the one the priestesses work, but as beautiful.

You both sit on a couch near a window. You loved every view of this place, because Velaris was beautiful in every angle and every weather.

“I put a sound barrier and a shadow barrier, so we can talk freely.”

“What do you want to know?” You ask the male in front of you.

“You only dream with Azriel specifically, do you have any idea why?”

“No. I’ve been waiting for this answer and a bunch of other ones for a long time too, but the only one answer was learning his name when I arrived.”

“I’ve dreamed with Feyre before we met each other too…” He says with an expecting look that makes your cheeks warm.

“You think we are mates?” Rhys only smiles. “Well I bet that your dreams with Feyre were not like those, and I am certain that she wasn’t from another world.”

“Well, you’re right. But that can still be a possibility.” He took an invisible dust from his pants. “Warn me if those dreams return, we see what we can do to help.”

“I’ll let you know.” 

“Also, Azriel commented to me that you disappear while sleeping. Do you have any explanation for that? Because people weren’t supposed to be able to winnow from here.”

You gave him a questioning look. A million questions going through your mind.

“Disappear? I don’t have the power to winnow.”

“He said that it happened on your initial nights.”  Rhys was also confused. “You don’t remember exiting in the middle of the night?”

“No. Those nights I only dreamed.”

Then Rhysand started to connect all the points. He also didn’t see you in any other place besides your dreams, so you disappearing did not make sense. And he would know if you manipulated any of the memories.

The fact was that there were only dreams. Vivid dreams.

“I think that your dreams are where you disappeared to.”

taglist (overlined users i couldn't tag): @humanpersonlasttimeichecked @valeridarkness @his-sweet-nightmare @leeknows-wife @mich0731 @kristalhi @marina568 @brekkershadowsinger @cafe-inaaa @lovierhys @kenmaisacinnamonroll @alt-ghost @marigold-morelli @thelightnddarkness @amysangel @thecraziestcrayon @fall-myriad @a-court-of-milkandhoney @hungryforbatboys @elizarikaallen @allison-rosewood-maximoff​ @gamarancianne @weirdo-fun @tsumsamu @myheartfollower @acourtofmarvels @sunshine-and-midnight-rain @act1839 @reareaikea

if you asked for being tagged but it didn't happened, please gentle remind me :)

[ellievickstar]

Winter Wrestles

A/N: As @aroseinvelaris so eloquently put it. I have written something that doesn't bring my readers to tears. Even so, you guys don't mind....right? (Say yes or I kill Az)

Summary: It's finally a snow day in Velaris, with the Illyrians all about to have their annual snowball fight, what if someone planned something ahead?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Reader, Feyre x Rhys, Nesta x Cass

Warnings: Just some fluffy shenanigans with the group.

~*~*~*~*~

"He'll never fall for it" You hissed. Cassian grinned from beside me and you debated wether you should just leave and pretend you were never here. With the three Illyrians about to go on their little snowball fight, Cass thought it would be funny to surprise Az with a little...trick.

It was like a regular bucket-on-door prank, but instead of water it was snow. And then after Cass wanted to ambush Az with snowballs while you helped him. At first, it sounded like a good idea, but now you were thinking that maybe you should quit before Az covered you in snow when he figures out that you had something to do with this.

Deciding that you were better off snow-free, you winnowed to the front of the cabin. You weren't going to expose Cass's hiding place, he could do the prank if he wished but you were going to wait in the open so that Az knows for a fact, it wasn't you.

That's when you saw her.

From the slightly ajar door you spied Nesta coming out, however, Cass had dug himself his own grave, he could damn well lie in it. You waved to Nesta and she smiled at you, going to open the door, Az behind her, his eyes trained on you-

BOOM

The bucket fell as a pile of snow hit Nesta. She stood completely still for a moment, the shock not quite settling in, when Cass came out of his hiding place, laughing widely, hands full of snowballs. That was when he saw his mate, her face was red with fury as she glared harshly at Cass, her arms crossed. If looks could kill Cass would be on the menue for the Winter Solstice dinner. Cass seemed to be frozen on the spot, like an animal realising its predator was near-by

"Run!" You hollered and as Cass dropped all his snowballs, he sprinted across the clear fields in front of the cabin, Nesta quickly following suit, determined to make Cass pay. Chuckling, Az came up to you, using one wing to bring you close as he pressed a kiss to your temple.

"You already knew, didn't you princess?" You nodded and he chuckled again. "It was technically meant for you," You mumbled, "But I decided if I went through with it you'd never let me live it down and also I spent a lot of time braiding my hair, not worth it at all." He grinned down at you again, leaning down and kissing you temple- again. "You're too cute," And to that you smiled.

You watched Cassian run from Nesta, wondering why the brute wasn't thinking of flying considering Nesta seriously lacked wings to catch him. That's when a ball of snow, almost too perfect, went flying threw the air and his Cassian in the face. Cassian howled in false agony and you turned to find a small Nyx with his father cheering.

"Now Nyx very good on the aim, however, that one was a little small, so maybe make it a little bigger. If you can't hold it in your hands use you're magic, trust me it's worth it," Your sharp ears heard Rhys 'whispering' to his son. Shaking your head in disbelief, you felt Azriel let go of you as he went and swept Nyx up, placing him on his shoulders as he grabbed chunks of snowballs, shaping them into two snowballs. Passing one to Nyx, both of them yelled battle cries as two more snowballs were launched towards Cassian who screamed in indignation.

You shook your head as the annual snowball fight finally begun, Nesta huffing as she smoothed her skirt, mumbling about how she'd have her way with Cassian later. Again, you giggled as you joined her arm in arm towards the sweet smell of Feyre's baking that had began to waft out the front door of the cabin.

With any luck, she might need help tasting the baked goods.

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: There it is, very short and very sweet. I thought it would be nice to finally see the inner circle in their natural habitat, the three illyrian males finally kicking up shenanigans after so long.

taglist:

@positivewitch

[tilseptemberends]

Post ACOSF Elucien snippet

Elain stared absently at the wall of the strange apartment. Not strange in that it looked odd, honestly most homes in Velaris had a very samey feel to them, but in that she hadn't expected to find herself coming here of all places. But where else did she have to go? There was not one place in this city that she could call her own. And going to her room in Feyre's new home was not an option. Not while the others were still there recovering from the night of Nesta's mating ceremony.

It hadn't just been the necklace... It was everything about the situation. How happy Gwyn looked as she twirled around in a corner with a veritable pack of shadows. How Azriel watched her with the smallest of smiles on his face. I'll bet he never thought that kissing her would be a mistake... Elain thought and immediately regretted it. Gwyn deserved to have someone look at her like that. It wasn't the preistess's fault. Wasn't that why Elain had refrained from commenting on the necklace till Gwyn brought it up herself? Azriel had watched them warily. Actually, warily was putting it rather mildly. He'd looked about ready to launch himself out of one of the nearby windows when Gwyn had approached her. Like he'd expected her to point out who he'd originally given the necklace to. As if she would ever be so graceless. She should have given him a good knock about the ears for thinking so little of her. Elain had simply said that the charm suited Gwyn and casually changed the subject so she wouldn't have to think about it a second longer. And then she'd found the first opportunity to excuse herself. And come here.

She'd started walking in the direction of the apartment without thinking. She just needed to get away from everyone. The inner circle. Nesta's new friends. All of them. Separately she could handle these developments in her life but they just kept coming. And before she knew it she was at his door, practically weeping that she didn't know where else to go.

"Damn, another one?" A hushed voice came from the next room and Elain lifted her head from one of the pillows. "How long did you live in Spring, and you still can't keep a house plant alive?" he spoke again and Elain blinked in surprise. Had she seen any houseplants last night? No, she'd been far too busy spiraling and kicking Lucien out of his own damn bedroom. Elain sat up and rubbed her face. She'd been so busy thinking about herself that she hadn't even considered that she might be intruding on his already sparse free time. She slowly got to her feet and paused as she caught sight of her reflection in a full-length mirror sat next to his armoire. She frowned. Not night court black but the charcoal grey was close enough. Who was she fooling with this getup? She might have shredded the dress with her bare hands if she had something else to change into. Elain shook her head and moved past the mirror to the bedroom door.

When she opened it she was struck by a few different things. The first being Lucien at the stove in his kitchen. The sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows as he cooked his breakfast. And second, the poorhouse plant he'd scolded himself about earlier. She tentatively approached and gave the pot a look. Yikes. She winced slightly at the condition of it and when she looked up she found that Lucien had turned in her direction. He stood very still, like he was scared she might bolt if he made any sudden moves. She cleared her throat lightly,

"Do you mind if I ask what your pot of mud used to be?" she asked and Lucien slowly set his plate back down on the counter.

"...it's a peace lily," he replied quietly and Elain snorted. She immediately covered her mouth and she knew her face had gone quite red. "I- Gods, I'm so sorry. That was so rude." Shit. SHIT. She was going to crawl under a rock and die. But then Lucien started laughing. His own face tinted pink. "I knew it was bad. In my defense, the flowers in Spring don't need maintaining." He pulled another mug down from the cupboard and Elain made sure she was looking at the dearly departed lily when he looked back at her. "Would you like some tea?" She folded her hands together and considered. "That won't... will it?" she couldn't bring herself ask finish the question aloud. Lucien filled the mug with hot water and set it on the counter next to her with a teabag and a spoon. "I don't think so. But just in case." Carefully, Elain slid the mug toward herself and did her best not to stare at his forearms. The bond was making maintaining a normal conversation excessively difficult this morning. But he walked back across the kitchen to grant her the space she need to think. Maybe he needed the space too. She dropped the teabag into the mug of water. "Thank you... for helping me." She tapped her spoon lightly on the counter. "It's alright. I... know what it's like to not feel like you have anywhere to go." Elain nodded to herself. How close she must have struck him last night with those words. I didn't know where else to go...

She rubbed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"I should go before Feyre sends the city guard out to search the streets for me..." Lucien considered her for a moment.

"Would you like me to walk you back?" And that offer... she swallowed and shook her head. "N-no... that's alright... I need some time to think before I see them." And I won't be able to if you're right next to me... she didn't finish. Lucien didn't insist though. If Elain wanted to walk herself back home after commandeering his bed for a night then he would let her. Something about that twisted her heart in a way she couldn't think about right here. More space. She needed some distance from him before she considered what it meant that she'd come here to escape the others.

Elain finished her tea and Lucien saw her to the door. He paused when he opened it though.

"Is something wrong?" she asked and he tapped his foot sharply. Weighing a decision apparently. He sighed and buried his hands in his pockets.

"You can come here any time you like, Elain. Even if I'm not around. There are wards on the door but... they'll let you in." He didn't look at her, instead staring hard and the ground between them. "I... thank you, Lucien." she spoke quietly and he nodded without another word. Without much else to say Elain turned and followed the Sidra back toward her sister's home.

[shadowqueenjude]

Day 6 of @nestaarcheronweek

Learn to keep a secret --> Nessian, post-ACOWAR

What if instead of Cassian yelling at Nesta and getting angry at her rejection, we see Cassian trying to reach out in a softer manner?

Cassian paused before Nesta's front door, building his nerve.

Nesta had withdrawn from everyone, even her younger sister. She had flat out told Cassian that she wanted nothing to do with him, not long after she had laid her body over his, choosing death with him. After his confession. It stung, Cassian had to admit, but nothing hurt him more than watching her destroy herself.

He had gone with her a couple of times to the taverns. He hadn't interacted with her directly, of course, but he had observed her. She seemed to be drawn to sensory stimulation, things that drew her out of the darkness that was inside her. Like the music, the drinks, the dancing. So hopefully...his plan would work. It had to, otherwise...he didn't let himself think further.

He was perfectly aware of the fact that his high lord despised Nesta. If she continued on her self-destructive path, Rhysand would do something drastic; Cassian might have to take them both out of Night for the time being, or even permanently. He didn't want to have to do that, but he had to protect her in whatever way he could.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door, waiting.

No response.

"Nesta." Still nothing. Was she even here? Was this the wrong house, or was she already at the taverns?

"Nes, please." Cassian couldn't help the desperation that slipped out on that last syllable. He understood; he really did. Recovery couldn't be rushed. But it was killing him inside to see her like this.

A blast of warm air hit him as the door opened abruptly. His mate looked beautiful as ever, even though it seemed as if she hadn't been eating properly, a plain white nightgown emphasizing her bony shoulders. A shard of ice stabbed his heart.

"What do you want." Her low, cool voice always did unspeakable things to him, but he tamped down on his mating instincts, trying to speak to her normally. "You look hungry. Want a bite to eat?"

"I told you I want nothing to do with you, Cassian," Nesta answered shortly. She was about to slam the door in his face when he put a hand out. "Nes, please. I'm begging you. If you come out today, I'll convince Feyre to give triple your usual amount of money."

Nesta's silvery blue eyes focused all their relentless attention on him. Cassian spread his arms, letting her see it all. He'd given her everything that day she'd beheaded the king of Hybern anyway.

"Fine," she snapped. "Give me a moment to get dressed."

Cassian heaved a sigh of relief, slumping into the snow in front of her house. Part 1 was successful. The hardest part was done.

She came out in a magenta empire gown with black embroidery at the collar resembling the shape of teardrops. Her hair was up in its usual braided crown, and Cassian's heart stuttered in his chest. Even emaciated, she was so heartbreakingly gorgeous, every bit the cunning courtier who was far too good for him.

"This had better be quick," she muttered. Cassian offered her no such assurances, fully aware of the surprise they had in store.

He took her to a place off the main road, with simply, hearty meals, yet very tasty ones. "You should have their Palak," Cassian murmured as they walked inside. "It's delicious."

They took a table near the back, Nesta still saying nothing. A small little critter who seemed to be a ghost except for the long spiky black tail he had came up to them, notebook and pen in hand.

"Order?" Cassian looked at Nesta. Her call. She scrolled the menu on the table before answering, "Two Palaks, please." Cassian's eyes widened in surprise that Nesta had actually listened to him.

"Don't you dare," Nesta seethed.

"I wasn't going to say anything!" Cassian protested.

Nesta said nothing, but Cassian spoke. About how he was retraining his wings after they were shredded, how the Illyrians fared, what her sisters, Amren, and Lucien were up to. He wasn't sure how much she listened to, but she didn't seem inclined to wipe him to dust with her silver flames, at least.

After she wiped her plate clean, she shoved it away from her, standing up. "Can I go home now?"

"No!" Cassian shouted. Nesta raised a brow at him as other people turned to stare at them. "No, I mean, I don't think anyone has ever given you a proper tour of Velaris. Would you like one?"

"I've already seen all there is to see," Nesta replied drily. Cassian shook his head vigorously. "You've only lived here a few months. I've lived here centuries. Come on." Nesta still looked skeptical, but she took Cassian's arm and let him lead her out.

When they were well away from the building, Nesta spoke. "You're a terrible liar, you know. I know you have something planned."

Cassian blushed. "My strength is on the battlefield, not the courtroom."

"Clearly." Well, she sounded amused, at least. Another big sigh of relief.

They walked along in silence for a few minutes before Cassian blurted out, "Do you prefer being indoors or outdoors?"

Nesta raised a brow. "I suppose it depends."

"What about today?" Cassian mentally cursed himself. Subtlety was certainly not his strong suit.

Nesta squinted at him before she smirked. "Today is a nice day. We should be outside."

Move everything outside, Cassian shouted to Feyre mind to mind. Right now.

On it, Feyre replied before shutting off the connection.

"I like outside," Cassian said stupidly to cover for his slow response. Nesta's smirk widened. "I'd imagine so, considering you're a warrior and all."

"Yeah." Cassian was so bad at keeping secrets. His mind was screaming fit to burst, begging him to reveal the big surprise. Nesta only looked around, seeming more at peace than she had in months.

"Let's sit here," Cassian said, pointing to an outdoor table. Nesta obeyed, and the two of them settled onto the bench.

"So," Nesta said, "are you finally going to tell me what you've planned?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Feyre and Elain shrieked as they walked in, Feyre's arms laden with gifts while Elain held the prettiest chocolate cake Cassian had ever seen. Nesta didn't look remotely surprised, a small smile flitting across her face.

Feyre placed the bag on the table, pulling out all the gifts. "I baked this cake myself," Elain said, her face radiant as she placed it by Nesta's side. Feyre furrowed her brow in concentration, trying to sort out the gifts.

"Oh yeah, here! This is my gift: this lovely ring." Feyre slipped it on Nesta's hand. "It's not an ordinary gift; see the flame ornament? There's real magic in there. For a maximum of five uses, you can generate your own wings, so you don't have to rely on one of us to take you places!"

Nesta looked at Feyre in surprise. "That's...thoughtful of you."

"I also got you some nice jewelry, since I know you like sapphires so much." Feyre whipped out a stunning necklace with sparkling deep blue stones with sharp ends. Feyre winked. "It doubles as a knife." She turned one stone, and sure enough, a stunning knife appeared.

"Now my gift," Elain said enthusiastically. She pulled out a large patchwork, showing it to Nesta proudly.

"Er- what is it!"

"It's us!" Elain exclaimed. "This one," she pointed to a crimson lady sewn into the patchwork wearing a crown, "is you. She's chopping wood and wearing a crown, see? And this one..." she pointed to a blue one in the middle holding a bow, "is Feyre, because she was skilled with a bow and provided for us! And this one..." she pointed to a purple one holding a frying pan, "is me, because I did all the cooking!" She pointed to the center piece, featuring all three. "That's us sleeping on that small bed in the cottage." She smiled. "Anyway, I hope you like it. Now for Cassian's gifts."

Cassian stood up, clearing his throat nervously. "I...well....I got you some stuff." He pulled out the first gift; three books bound with ribbon. "I know you like romance novels, so, well...I asked around, and these are some of the most popular ones in Prythian, so I hope you like them." Then, he pulled out his second gift. He fiddled with the ball in his hands. "This is...a symphonia. It captures music in a ball so you can listen to it later. I...noticed you enjoy music."

Cassian turned the ball, activating it. One of the most popular songs at the tavern began to play. He sighed. "I know it isn't much, but-"

Nesta jumped into his arms.

"I love you all," she said in a muffled voice as she pulled away. She sniffed, wiping a tear out of the corner of her eye. "This is the best birthday ever." Feyre and Elain squealed, swinging their arms together in triumph, but Nesta only had eyes for him. "Dance with me," she whispered.

So Cassian offered a hand, and she took it; her slender, elegant hands were so small in his. She was an excellent dancer, and Cassian could by no means compete. But Nesta didn't seem to care, content to be there. She placed her head against his chest, looking for all the world completely joyful.

"You're such a silly boy," she murmured against him. Cassian stuttered. "What? I'll have you know- um, that is to say-"

"I figured out what this was about the moment we left that restaurant," Nesta interrupted, steering him into a spin. "And you're adorable, really, for arranging all this for me." She got on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear, "But you reallyyyy need to learn to keep a secret, Lord of Bloodshed."

[luxmaeastra]

//haha something slightly different. Pick whichever muse in whatever scene you want to explore!! 👀//

Diem stared at the war map, her mind spinning. Hearing Bryce and Rigelus fighting for their world, for the underdog an ocean away made her heart soar.

But Rigelus could not be crowned without dealing with the fallout his decisions had done.

To choose the rebels over his own people, to choose the very people who orphaned him...well she'd seen first hand how the Asteri took to anyone wanting to change things.

Rhysand rubbed at his wrist, the same hollow eyed look she'd had when her father had died. She didn't know him well, she wanted to comfort him.

But clearly he was better at compartmentalization than she was.

She looked to Seraphine, a flash of gold and blue that hadn't left Rhysand's side since he'd come here for support.

The archipelago was on its own, Rhysand and his sister were gearing up for war.

Diem exhaled, shoving her worry for Bryce away. Her cousin has trained just like she had. She was powerful just like her.

She would be fine.

Rigelus, though she'd never met him...she'd heard enough about him to know he was a good male.

He'd protect her.

She had to hope that would be enough.

"Is there anything we can give you Rhysand?"

She didn't want to chose sides but she - the way Spring was slaughtered ate at her. But even she was struggling with the need for revenge.

But as her father said - choose your battles wisely, live to fight another day.

------

Xaden rubbed at his temples and looked at his parents.

"Are you both not at all worried? It looks like the entire world is about to plunge into war."

Xaden knew his mother's work with the rebels. His family had houses and helped them over the years.

Maybe he'd been naive in assuming that was enough.

He turned to Violet reaching for her hand.

"Violet?"

She stared at the war map, her eyes slowly lifting to his mother.

"Which side will you all choose in this war?"

So many of her cousins were dead, she'd seen the slaughter herself...it had been a massacre. They'd been tortured by Night for daring to marry Aliren and Tamlin without Night's consent.

------

Nesta stared out the window, her fingers tightening imperceptibly on her glass. The archipelago was growing perilous. Her father had ordered she and her sisters stay here in Midgard.

It was safer he'd said.

That was before Rigelus had showed his hand and worked with the rebels. That was before he had demanded change from his family.

Change she knew Austrus and the others would not give.

Austrus fixed his cufflinks watching Nesta look out the window. He swallowed the pretty words in his throat. All the empty assurances he didn't think he could give her.

All the promises he didn't know if he could keep.

Prythian and Archipelago was teetering on war. In Midgard it was here.

Where would they go?

Where could he send her?

He should keep his distance, he was a decade older than her. He should be focused on the rebel movements.

On the war Rigelus seemed determined to win.

Did he understand the cost yet?

Would he put his sword in his siblings' necks?

Could he? Could he truly cut his baby brother down?

Austrus came to stand next to her, staring out the window and not really seeing it.

"How are your sisters dealing with it? I know you all wished to go home to meet your knew queen."

Diem was Bryce's cousin. Was it a coordinated effort?

Had this been planned when Ulther had taken ill? Wasn't Diem's mother a palace healer?

Had the rebels done this to destabilize the two most powerful Asteri strongholds?

He looked to her, wishing his mind would stop. He wanted to shut it off, to just have a moment of peace.

But he only found those around her...or when he was too exhausted to not think of her as he drifted to sleep. When he was too tired to stop believing it was her he dreamed of.

"Nesta are you -"

"Worry makes you a wise leader Xaden." Sebastian responded as he moved from where he was leaning over reports, his hand reaching out to touch the lower back of Natalia as he moved nearer.

He did not want to scare his son any more than he was, but they needed to think sensibly. War was always around the corner, war was always likely to happen.

"We can't balk at war, we are in the position that the risk is always there,."

Natalia's attention was drawn back to Violet when she spoke, when the question came. What side would she choose?

"With those I care for and trust, I believe it is obvious from the writing on the wall." She interacted to the map, to the reports. There was clear indication of ally and enemy.

[lady-winter-sunrise]

It's interesting that I agree in part with your arguments, but not everything.

After reading the bonus chapter, a question came to my mind "Who own the Trove? The Night Court or Nesta?" Based on what Sarah wrote the answer would be Nesta. I say that because in the midst of a conflict, if Rhys or Amren made a decision regarding the Trove, Nesta would be the only character who can oppose them. Not just because of her powers, but simply over who she is. I'm not saying that Nesta is impassive of mistakes, but she has already proven in ACOSF and ACOWAR that for the greater good, for what she believes, she's willing to sacrifice herself. Nesta's sense of justice and loyalty are her greatest characteristics.

ACOWAR - Nesta chose to be a bait for the King to help Feyre get closer to the Cauldron. Nesta was ready to protect Cassian with her own body, even if had nothing she could do for him, she wouldn't run away, Nesta was ready to die alongside Cassian.

ACOSF - Brialyn planned everything at the Blood Rite so that Cassian's life was in her hands and Nesta had no choice and gave the Troves to her. And even with her mate's life at risk, she didn't hand over the Trove, she was willing to do so at the price of Cassian's life.

Look at what happened in ACOSF, is there any mated couple who would be capable of something like that? Cassian was ready to kill himself instead of hurting Nesta!!! They are made of justice and loyalty.

Nesta never swore loyalty to any court, very different from Cassian, so the fact that she expresses this directly in the book is important, because it maintains her independence of decision. So I understand Cassian, he serves Rhys as a General and besides that, he loves Rhys and Nesta. Just as it wouldn't make sense if Cassian left Nesta unprotected, I also wouldn't understand if he supported her blindly.

But again, based on the relationship that Cassian had with Amber and Randall, Cassian's concern isn't with Nesta's decision, I know that he's on her side, but with the fact that she done it alone, and put herself at risk. That's what Nesta means when she tells Amber that Cassian is the one who's most upset with her.

However, what I don't understand is Rhys... I don't think it was out of character of them, because from one book to the next, if Nesta and Rhys' relationship changed from water to wine, that would be very inconsequential. But especially after the sacrifice that Nesta made for Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx, she definitely deserved the benefit of the doubt. Even Amren offered more understanding than Rhys.

Rhys and Feyre are as flawed as any characters would be, just as they made sacrifices for the greater good, in ACOSF they made a mistake that went far beyond their relationship, exactly because of their position of power. And yes I'm referring to the suicidal bargain.

At the end of ACOWAR Feyre was driven by a desperation of not losing Rhys and he should have foreseen that it wasn't the wisest decision, especially after the war. Feyre wanted the truth from Rhys, no secrets, that's what she asked, and in ACOSF, as soon as the first serious problem happens, what Rhys does? He keeps a secret from Feyre... Okay, he didn't have the courage to give her so much pain, but above all else, he shouldn't be the first to know that she was capable of surviving that risk?

Apart from the imminent fact that if a new war were to happen, this bargain would prevent them from fighting, just as happened at the end of ACOSF in which Rhys could not take any risks because of Feyre. There's also the fact that by killing one, you automatically destroy the other, leaving the Court completely unprotected from its most powerful leaders. So anyone with the slightest sense of the future sees how illogical this bargain is. A risk of their own making.

And no matter how much Feyre might have argued before, "We can make this bargain, because we will never allow another war to happen." Not even Gods have power over destiny, let alone High Lords...

Feyre was driven by fear, and even in the sense of motherhood, if she really wanted to be a mother, why she would create a risk for her possible children? For the rest of eternity, every time she was pregnant, her children would have the double risk of dying, for something that she chose!!! And worse, if these children were born, they could lost both of their parents at the same time.

Is selfishness enough to describe all this?

Honestly... I had very negative thoughts about the Mating Bond, but after ACOSF, I understood that the bond does much less than the couple themselves can do. In Crescent City Aidas lived 15.000 of years without his mate, Baxin survived without Danika, two examples that losing your mate isn't a death sentence. Therefore, I will never understand how parents are able to choose to leave their children orphans, unless that decision saves that child's life, simply living with that possibility it's incomprehensible.

In summary Rhys is capable of putting the greater good at risk, much more than his ego allows him to judge Nesta.

Yall are delusional if you think Nesta is going to leave Cassian or the night court. First, they are mated. Not just mates. Mated. They accepted the bond, and SJM loves her Heas. It's a done deal. So either keep reading and deal with it or drop the series and find something you enjoy. Not to mention if they even could break the bond, how empty and broken Nesta would be for eternity. You really want that for her?

HOFAS happened three months after acosf. There's still alot of healing on Nesta’s part. Just because she saved Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx doesn't mean things are swept under the rug with them. Her and Cassian are both fiery and stubborn. They are going to have arguments. Honestly, it's perfectly normal for them to argue on occasion.

This. What Nesta did in HOFAS. Went beyond her and Cassian, beyond Rhys. This was a decision that Nesta should not have made herself. Yes I understand that she saw Bryce's desperation and understood her. She probably put herself in Bryces shoes for a moment. She took a chance. But it's a huge fucken chance because they don't know nor trust Bryce fully. And if she failed the whole of Prythian/Midgard is fucked. They have nothing to defend themselves against the weaponry Rigelus has. They will all die. Including Nesta Archeron.

Rhys had every right to scold her. And Her saying he's not her High Lord isn't accurate. She lives in his lands. Whether she wants to admit it or not. If any of the courts got wind of what was happening with Bryce or that Nesta gave this mask up to a stranger from another world do you know who would be faulted? Not Nesta. Rhys and Feyre would. They would suffer the consequences because Nesta falls under their lands. Their rule.

And now Cassian, who apparently had never defended Nesta once. Again. Nesta was In. The. Wrong. Her actions were beneficial and understandable but wrong. Cassian being upset and disappointed in her would absolutely make sense. Think of times in TOG, when Rowan wasn't happy with Aelin. He stood there silent until they were alone. That's more than likely what happened. Cassian didn't say his piece until everyone left. It's an argument between Nesta and Cassian and no one else.

That argument. The one that happened off page yet everyone wants to fucking crucify Cassian over cause you think you know what he said. When in reality you don't. Is wild. Three months ago, when she was with Emerie and Gwyn, they were taken and placed in the Blood Rite where he was helpless in going to her. He lost her briefly in the bog, watched her put her life at risk. How many times in acosf? He went a year or so watching Nesta absolutely ruin herself, had her lay over his body in front of Hybern, almost losing her, them, then too. Now, someone, a stranger and someone potentially dangerous, opened a portal in his living room where his mate was. And he wasn't there. All that trauma and ptsd he keeps on lock was blown wide open.

So now Cassian is a storm of emotions when he arrives home. Probably arrived mid argument between Nesta and Rhys, and the entire flight was given brief details of what's happening fueling his emotions. His fear, trauma, concern, disappointment, and anger. When Rhys leaves, Cassian and Nesta got into it. Sure he was pissed about the mask anyone would be. I would be. I personally think it goes on beyond that. Far beyond it. Nesta’s life, once again, was put a risk and no one knew what Bryce wanted. Cassian’s worst fear when the portal was open, was Bryce taking Nesta and never seeing her again. All that came out in their fight.

As readers, we know Bryce's intentions are good. They as characters who haven't been given the best view of Bryce dont believe it. Yes, I do think there needs to be more trust in Nesta. Especially where Rhys is considered. Cassian, as her mate, blowing things out of proportion is logical cause all mates have done it at some point. But yeah he needs to trust her a bit more too. He trusts her more than Rhys does that's for sure.

To play devil's advocate, I could be wrong on Cassian and Nesta and their fight. Absolutely. Im not Sarah. But neither are you who are wishing he dies, and Nesta leaves him over a risk that was never hers to make alone when it involves the whole world of Midgard.

If you read this entire thing and disagree. That's cool. The unfollow and block buttons are right there.

[purpureumwrites]

Azriel x Witch!Reader | Electric Blue Ch. 3

Pairing: Azriel x Reader Chapters: Chapter 1 , Chapter 2, Chapter 4 Word count: 1.7k Warnings: None Summary: Reader is half-breed witch, insecure but powerful, who just can’t resist Azriel. New plans are going ahead, it might be time to let go? Tagged: @fussel9913 A/N: So reader powers are basically those of Storm (X-Men) in case someone was wondering, just a mini version of them. Also a lot of Cassian this chapter, it's a bit of a transition one, some light hearted content before the slow burn ahead. Hope you enjoy!

The Illyrians, as predicted, were starting to grow impatient. There was no war to fight, no challenge to overcome, no army to best. You were completely oblivious to the situation until Cassian approached you one night. You were sitting down in the roof, enjoying the stars and the moon in the sky, the soft breeze of the final days of summer with a cup of tea in your hands. You watched him land gracefully before clearing his throat and sitting down next to you. He seemed to be preparing himself to ask you something, trying to find the most convincing way of doing so. You repressed a smile at his body language, aware of the topic that he was about to bring up. Nesta had told you the day before.

"Hi, Cass"

"Enjoying that tea?", he smiled.

"Yeah, do you want one?", you offered.

"No. I'm...", he looked forward to the city of Velaris. "I want to talk to you"

"Sure"

"We've been dealing with some restlessness in the camps, and I was wondering if you would be willing to help"

"I'm willing to listen", you answered putting your cup down.

"That's all I could ask for. You are really talented with magic and you have that amazing gift to control the weather"

"Oh, don't flatter me", you chuckled and he winked at you in return.

If you could just fall in love with someone like Cassian. A man so honest and sweet, emotionally mature and understanding, close and kind to everyone, patient. It was hard not to think how easy things could be. But maybe easy wasn't for you. Not like you had difficult either. You instead had a whole lot of nothing.

"I want to bring you to the Windhaven camps"

"I mean... I see where this is going, but the idea of a camp full of illyrians is not very... appetizing?"

“I know, but I’m the general and I have to ensure our court’s armies are not in shambles. If another war was to take place, we need to be ready”

“And you want me to…?”

“I want you to make them suffer, to be completely honest. Many of them think they have nothing else to learn, that they can defeat any enemy that stands up to them, but they can’t. You know how close we were to lose against Hybern. We can’t afford a rebellion in the ranks”, he sighed, he must have been concerned about this issue for a while now, trying to find a solution. “You can give them the harshest climate conditions they’ve ever been on. They might be used to the snow and the cold in the mountains, but they haven’t had the chance to experience much more. It’s not just my job as their general to keep them well trained and busy, it is also my duty to Rhys to make sure our army can protect this court”

It was obvious he was a good general, but you had never see him talking about this topic firsthand. He really cared, even if the illyrians refused to respect him, or Rhys or Azriel, the way they should. He had no problem putting his own issues with them aside and choosing to do the right thing.

“Let’s say I will go up there”, you began. “Is Rhysand aware of this?”

“He is, and he agrees it’s a good idea. I’m not sure how he didn’t come up with it before I did”, he smiled timidly.

“You underestimate yourself sometimes, Cass.”

He gave you a grateful look.

“Apart from the whole ”camp with a bunch of winged warriors“ thing, you know I don’t have much practice at this, right? Most of the time I affect the weather without realizing and the times I do it intentionally it’s because I’ve been triggered by something”

“Oh, I noticed”

You kicked in the ribs and he chuckled.

“It’s a chance for you to train as well, not just for them”, he got up and stretched his wings. “Come on, give me a yes”, he said extending his hand down to you with a smile on his beautiful face.

No wonder even Nesta couldn’t resist this man.

“Okay, yes”, you answered reaching out to him before he pulled you up and hugged you.

***

Rhysand stood over the table in his new kitchen, another one of the tastefully styled rooms by Feyre when he gifted the new house to her. Cassian and you sat down next to each other, while Azriel watched from the doorway, resting against the frame.

"What radius are we talking about?", Rhys asked.

"I'm not sure, I haven't done much more than a relatively small area above me. But we could use the opportunity to check"

"It could be interesting"

“I’d like to reiterate that I don’t have that much control over this power”

"That sounds to me like even a better reason to train then"

“Rhysand”, Azriel said suddenly. “A word”

The fae’s smile banished when he gave Azriel a questioning look. You observed them exit into the hallway and gave Cassian a confused look. At first, their words were barely a murmur, you noticed Cassian frowning but you didn’t really understand why until their voices raised enough to be heard by your human ears too.

"… and what makes you think they will just accept this? They're a bunch of retrogrades, they won't like the idea of a woman just coming in and making their training turn to hell", Azriel questioned Rhysand.

"You can go keep an eye on her whenever you want. Besides, she’s free to choose what she wants to do. And you won’t keep questioning her judgement. Or mine"

Only silence as an answer.

Cassian shrugged at you when he realized you could also hear Azriel and Rhys arguing in the other room.

"Even I can hear them from here", you whispered.

"He's not wrong, you know, about the men in Windhaven. I'm sure you have heard Emerie talk about it before. It won't be a pleasant experience"

"Don't coddle me, Cass, I'm not expecting it to be. I will go there, figure out some things about my powers, annoy them as much as I can and be back home… right?"

"Right", he winked.

Neither of them came back again. When Cassian got up and headed to the streets of Velaris you followed him, guessing that Rhysand had talked directly to him telepathically. You didn’t understand what the big deal was, why Azriel seemed so bothered by the plan and why Rhysand sounded so irritated at hisfriend. Had something happened between them?

***

The Windhaven camp. Full of illyrian warriors who made it clear they didn’t accept your presence there. As Azriel winnowed Cassian and you there, the cold wind hit you. They conducted all the introductions between you and Devlon, the war-lord of the camp. He didn’t seem too happy by the idea of having you wandering around the place but looked curious about the ordeal.

For your initial presentation, Cassian requested for you to turn the climate in the camp to that of the hottest day in the Summer Court. As you stared briefly at the sky, the temperature rised, the skies cleared and the air turned heavy. The warriors started to feel uncomfortable in their leather suits. Devlon nodded and they had a talk about the strategic benefits of the training and agreed on your schedule. You stood close to Azriel until the illyrian left.

The plan was for Azriel to winnow Cassian and you several times a week to the camp. You would follow the training plan Devlon and Cassian had agreed, just two or three hours in the morning, until Azriel got back and took you to Velaris again.

At the end of your first week, you decided to take a walk to Emerie’s shop. You talked to her quite a few times when you went up to the House of Wind to see Nesta and you had grown quite comfortable with each other. When you entered, she greeted you with a smile and offered some tea.

“How is your first week going?”, she asked.

“Well enough? The testosterone here might be too much for me”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I know”

“I hope you’re not having a hard time with the crazy weather changes. I have a whole list of meteorologic conditions that I have to produce… I’m not even sure I know how to”, you shrugged. “But they seem to be enjoying the challenge”

“Especially since the one challenging them it’s a woman. They won’t allow themselves to be defeated by a small thing like you” 

If there was someone who knew how backwards and brutal illyrians could be, it was definitely her.

“You’re pretty close to Nesta”, she changed the subject while she handed you a cup. “How come you’ve never been to our trainings? I doubt she hasn’t tried to convince you to practice with us”

“She has but… I’m not a very physical person, to be honest”

“Come to watch, nothing else”

“I’m not sure…”

“Please?”

“Only to watch. No tricks”

“No tricks”, she smiled.

“Nesta is going to kill me”

You both laughed.

***

You flew to the House of Wind. You didn’t usually utilize that skill but there was no way you could survive the ten thousand steps it would take to get there otherwise.

As you dropped carefully on the ground, the girls were already practicing some kind of movements under Azriel’s supervision. You walked up to them. Emerie smiled at you, happy you had decided to visit, and Nesta mouthed a traitor, making you chuckle.

“How did you get here? ”, asked Azriel when he heard you, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I flew”

“You flew?”

“I can fly”, you insisted. “I mean, more like… levitate? I’ll admit it’s not as graceful or practical as your wings”

He frowned.

“You didn’t know?”. You couldn’t repress a laugh.

“I’ve been taking you up here every single time for the last few weeks”

“Because you’re that nice?”

“… because you can’t fly and you will have a cardiac arrest getting up those stairs”

“I can fly”

You stared at each other.

“You’re a terrible spymaster”, you teased before laughing again.

[vic-the-bookdragon]

A little glimpse of Elain not being as "helpless, useless, inactive and boring" as the majority seems to think she is.

Sarah decided to show us (intentionally or unintentionally) that Elain has a fighting spirit beneath her gentle, kind and delicate "veneer". (Although I do believe Elain is inherently a good person as she is so often described as, I also think there's rage burning behind that, which has been building and building since she was thrown in the Cauldron)

Disclaimer : These are just my opinions and interpretations.

The scene, where Feyre and Azriel went to rescue her from the Hybern war camp, stood out to me :

"Get ready to run." My heart thundered. Elain glanced between us, but did not tremble, did not cringe.

"Grab onto him!" Elain ordered the wide eyed human girl as Azriel thundered toward her. The girl looked like a doe about to be run down. The girl didn't open her arms as they neared. Elain screamed at her, "If you want to live, do it now!" The girl dropped her cloak, opened her arms wide. Her black hair streamed behind Azriel, catching amongst his wings as he practically tackled her into the sky. But I saw, even as I ran, Elain's pale hands lurch - gripping the girl by her neck, holding her as tightly as she could.

The girl screamed, but Elain moved. As Azriel fought to keep them airdorne, keep his grip on them, my sister sent a fierce kick into the beast's face. Its eye. Another. Another. It bellowed, and Elain slammed her bare, muddy foot into its face again. The blow struck home. With a yelp of pain, it released its claws - and plunged into the ravine.

Now, for my personal favorite...Elain killing the King of Hybern :

Elain stepped out of a shadow, and rammed Truth-Teller to the hilt through the back of the king's neck, as she snarled in his ear, "Don't you touch my sister."

According to how she has been portrayed so far, how "should" Elain have reacted to these situations?

She should have been crying, screaming, yelling. She should have been terrified, horrified, scared out of her mind. In one instance she had been kidnapped, taken to an enemy camp to be used for her power - and who knows what else - and she'd been bound by magical chains, in the other she'd been in a literal war, something that for her would've been absolutely petrified, (with that I don't mean to say that only Elain had a right to be afraid of war and not the other characters, but from her descriptions she's the one most easily affected) so it's only logical to have such a reaction. Add to that the fact that her mental state wasn't good in any way, shape or form (I believe she's still struggling, but has improved, not healed completely), yes, she should've been freaking out to put it mildly.

But what happened instead? How did Elain react? What did she do?

She ACTED. She did what was needed. She was cool, calm and collected - as much as the situations allowed, mind you.

In those scenes, SJM showed us that there is more to Elain, that she's more than what she seems to be. She also showed us that there's a level of selflessness to Elain's character. We don't know what went through her mind yet, but the way I see it, choosing not to leave Briar behind - a stranger -, when she very well may have slowed them down and gotten them killed, is a deeper, albeit small, glimpse to her character/personality. And the scene with Nesta. That doesn't need much explaining. There, Sarah showed us that Elain will protect her family, her sisters. And if she has to do something horrible in order to achieve it, she won't hesitate.

To me, these scenes foreshadow how her character development will go. They foreshadow the dichotomy that Elain Archeron's character is.

What I'm about to say now is most probably not true, since people associate it with Nesta, but in this line right here "Hello, fanged beast and trembling fawn" I also see Elain, not just at the trembling fawn part, but at the fanged beast too. In my mind, it seems like a highlight of the contrast that is Elain. On the one hand gentle, delicate, soft, quiet - a trembling fawn - and on the other fierce, resilient, determent, strong - fanged beast. And I expect there will be a scene in her book where she goes feral, where she is done with everyone's opinions and expectations of her, and will show us that she is so much more (whether it has something to do with protecting her family, her friends, or Azriel). But I know I'm probably reading to much into anyway. (I interpreted differently than most people to be honest.)

Now I'm about to make a statement I wholeheartedly believe :

ELAIN ARCHERON IS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT A STRONG FEMALE CHARACTER SHOULD BE LIKE. (or will be when her book is out.)

Every time someone uses that term, I want to gag and run head first into a wall (no, it's not an exaggeration). The reason for that is that people have a warped and biased idea in their heads of what means to be strong and female at the same time.

Many people believe that what defines a female character as strong lies in the character's ability to fight and be a "badass". If they don't know how to wield a sword, know ten different fighting styles, bring grown men decades or even centuries older than them to their knees and generally be some type of Bruce Lee, then they're viewed as weak and boring, not worthy of anything and lesser than.

Sorry to break it to you people (not really if I'm being honest) and please excuse my vulgar language, but that is utter bullshit. Yes, it's good to know how to fight and defend yourself, but that's not all there is to someone's personality. And, knowing how to fight in physical fights doesn't make you strong as whole. Not taking shit from anyone is good in the sense of not letting people walk all over you and use you, not when you're doing it out of arrogance because you think you're the best or because your excellent fighting skills entitles you to being mean and bitchy and petty (this doesn't go specifically to someone from acotar, just to be clear).

"Strong" female characters when presented only like that, while lacking in every other aspect, are just a marketing tool, because the majority eats that nonsense up. Everything revolving around one's ability to know how to fight in the traditional sense is not as empowering or as feministic as you think it is. (at least that's just my opinion)

You can be strong, while also being kind. You can be a badass, while also being gentle. You can be a fighter, while also gardening and baking and crocheting and wearing make-up on a daily basis and loving all things pink and girly. Fighting isn't just something physical. It comes in different shapes or forms.

A true strong female character should be her own person, make her own choices, fight her own battles. She should have flaws. She should have her own story and journey that will both develop her character and help move the plot forward.

Elain Archeron will bring all that. Her journey has already started, and it's independent of who her love interest will be. Because, ultimately, it doesn't really matter. Ships aside, whether she ends up with Azriel or Lucien, not much will change. She will still grow into her own and the plot will develop. Who will be her love interest doesn't define her. Can people honestly say the same about G?

*Again, these are just my opinions and I view the following lines as foreshadowing*

"You belong to him." "I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you."

Being her own person and making her own choices? Check and check.

Elain cut in sharply, "I am not a child to be fought over."

Fighting her own battles, both literal and figurative? Check?

"But I wonder if everyone has spend so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she'd disappoint you all." He sighed toward the ceiling. "With time and safety, perhaps we'll a new side of her emerge." "That sounds dangerously close to what Nesta said about Elain finally becoming interesting." "Sometimes Nesta isn't wrong." I glowered at Rhys. "You think Elain's boring?" "I think she's kind, and I'll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also think we haven't yet seen all she has to offer." A corner of his mouth tagged upward. "Don't forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one's hands dirty along the way." "And torn up by thorns," I mused...

Rhysand hinting there's more to Elain leads me to believe her book is next, combined with the opening line of the last chapter in ACOSF, "Spring bloomed in Velaris...". So, her own journey? Check.

See how Elain getting a book in general or more specifically the next one, stands all on its own without knowing for certain who her love interest will be?

And I could go on, but I'll stop here.

As Sarah said...I thought it was obvious.

[writingsbychlo]

I wanna talk about an elain headcanon I have

nesta has a very muscular build and always will because of her training. mucle mommy, and cass goes wild for that.

feyre is always gonna have a slender build. she's got strong shoulders and core, especially the way she learsn to use her wings, but she could never wield a sword the way nesta does or climb the stairs at the house of wind. its like how rhys is muscle-y and strong but not in the same way as az and cass.

now, elain. lets talk about elain. elain is thin to begin, very slim, mostly because she's been starving for years and was always seen as weak and lithe, that's what she was supposed to be. just grayson's small, quiet spouse. but now she's got her freedom and her life to be the way she wants it, anything, she can have it.

she has access to food, and not only that, she learns to bake. I think elain would start to put on weight, and fast. she doesn't really work out the way nesta does, she likes to go for a walk and tend to her garden, she exercises and she's healthy, but elain is a plus size girly. and the way her body becomes? she was always meant to be a plus-size girly. her boobs would fill out, her hips get squishy and soft in a way that she loves, her thighs get pudgy. she loves it. she likes the way she looks.

she never liked being able to see a gap between her thighs or her sharp edges in the mirror, it made her feel so vulnerable and exposed, and just reminded her of their poverty and her helplessness.

she likes it so fucking much. she likes baking and eating the things she makes, she likes that cassian and her bond over cooking, because he's got a big appetite too. she likes that she doesn't feel like she's going to break anymore. she likes that she doesn't feel so invisible, that she's seen.

she does it for herself, she loves it. one big fucking bonus, though? is that it drives lucien wild. she'd never been much concerned with how he thought about her at first. she wasn't ready for a mate bond, she was still working on herself. she didn't think about it at first, but one day when feyre says lucien will be coming for dinner, she realises it's been almost a year since he's seen her.

when he walks through the door, he practically falls over himself as he sees her. the opposite of all his usual elegance. she's ready to turn her nose up, to give him an earful about judging her appearance, until cassian is laughing so loud nesta winces and elbows him, teasing lucien with "someone likes his mate's new look. at least try to control your scent, fox-boy."

if elain wore a few more daring necklines and tighter corsets to show it off during his visit, that was nobody's business but hers.

now, lucien makes her feel good every single day about it. whether it be feeding her treats, running his hands over her body and squeezing all his favourite parts, picking her up like she still weighed nothing, or whispering dirty things between the sheets like "so much of you for me to love, you drive me fucking crazy, petal."

I just have this headcanon that given the choice to be whatever she wants, elain is a very happy plus-size girly. she loves never having to question her food or meals, she loves her new body and the happiness it signifies, and she loves the way lucien fucking worships her.

especially in those revealing Day court robes, which hang low on her chest and show off her beautiful thick thighs.

[talkfantasytome]

Bless us with more Gwynriel! Loved the story you posted <3

Thank you! 💕💕 Idk if the ask wanted a continuation from the last Gwynriel piece I did. If so...that didn't happen. 👀 I wanted to do autumn fluff instead, so I did. This is in the same AU as my Touch of Spice piece. I think most of what I do this month, fluff or kinktober, will be within this AU if it's for ACOTAR.

Cassian invites Az to join him and Nesta for lunch, purposefully hiding who else will be joining them.

Warnings: Innuendo, super mild hints at Gwyn being the dom she is

Word Count: 2,111 | Read on AO3

a/n: This piece is basically fluff, and I don't entirely know what it is, to be honest. Like, part of me feels good about it, part of me feels like it's crap. Part of me thinks I've got some great lines, another part of me is like, "oh, shit, what if everyone hates it or thinks I crossed lines???"...which, you know, will be a super fun anxiety to have as I move into the kinktober asks over the next few days. 👀 (Yes, nonnies that sent those, they'll be answered. 💕)

Also, this wasn't really edited.

Azriel was going to kill him.

It was time. He was finally going to do it.

He was going to wipe that stupid smirk off his stupid face and slam his stupid, hairy head into the wall. Or maybe just knee him in the balls. Hard enough he loses function. That would be worse than dying for Cassian.

And he'd deserve it for this horrendous trick.

Even if it likely did come from a 'good place', as Nesta would say. Always defending her man.

Az hated that even more. Because he wanted it desperately.

Worse, he knew exactly who with, and she was standing right next to him, her red hair shining in the autumn sun, the two of them practically on a double date with Cassian and Nesta. Except it wasn't, because Az had no idea she'd be there, and he was fairly certain she didn't know he'd be there either.

No, Cassian had simply dragged Az to the Pumpkin Patch festival the city of Velaris put on every year, saying he was meeting Nesta there for lunch and Az should join. Something about trying out some new curry chips booth Emerie had been raving about all week.

Az liked curry, so he agreed, assuming it was just some casual, last minute lunch.

The look on Cassian's face when Az realized Nesta wasn't alone told him it most definitely wasn't last minute or any type of coincidence. Cassian knew exactly what he was doing bringing Az with him, and Az was pretty sure Nesta was just as knowledgeable. Especially after she claimed she wasn't yet hungry enough to eat, so they should all go on a hayride to let her hunger grow.

It was noon, and Nesta spent almost two hours every Saturday morning at the gym. Typically from about nine to eleven. And he'd seen her come back to their place afterward and instantly devour half a carton of eggs and two chocolate croissants.

Not hungry his ass.

But what was Az to do? He couldn't exactly say no. Not without looking like a stubborn jerk in front of Gwyn. Besides, it's not that he didn't want to go on a hayride with her. He very much did. Preferably at dusk, or even night with a full moon overhead, maybe bringing a picnic for afterwards.

A proper date.

However, that would involve him getting the nerve to actually ask her out. And seeing as she obviously didn't like him back, Azriel doubted he'd ever actually have the courage to do so.

Cassian was really just wasting his time with this attempt. Gwyn was gorgeous, funny, outgoing, and incredibly smart - she'd never have any interest in him. Besides, she was always teasing him, and Az couldn't see that as a good sign.

"Just the four of you?" the hayride driver asked as the last group unloaded from the bed of the truck.

"Yep!" Cassian exclaimed, offering his hand to help Nesta into the cab. She ignored it and used his shoulder instead, knowing that denying him would drive him about as crazy as her touch on his shoulder would.

Az also hated how he knew that. He really did need to get out more on his own, without them, for his own sanity.

"Are you going to offer to help me?" Gwyn asked in a taunting tone as they walked up to the truck, an eyebrow raised at him, though he barely noticed. He was too busy getting sucked into those teal eyes, deep and entrancing and completely unique to her.

He felt his cheeks warm as he nodded, holding out a hand for her and stiffening his arm as she used it for balance, savoring the shock-like sensation that sizzled through him from where her skin met his.

Hopping onto the hay beside Gwyn, he rolled his eyes as Cassian shot him a wink before turning his attention fully on Nesta.

"So, how long do you think they'll last before…never mind," Gwyn sighed, looking away from their friends as Nesta started peppering kisses to Cassian's neck as she whispered something to him, Cassian wearing that same dopey smile he always got around her and laughing softly.

"Yeah, I kinda wish they wouldn't do that so often," he groaned, his own eyes moving to look at the surrounding area as well, not wanting to watch their friends in their…affections.

It was a beautiful backdrop.

The festival was on the border of the city, and the hayride took a path where the wooded area at the edge of the mountains started. Most of the leaves had already shifted colors, the trees in hues of mustard, rusted orange, and deep crimson. Even the sun seemed to have a slightly warmer yet dimmer light, as if it, too, were celebrating autumn with them.

The hay wasn't exactly comfortable to sit on, even with the blankets covering most of the bed, but somehow it felt right in the gentle breeze. It was true sweater weather, something neither Nesta nor Gwyn seemed to be taking for granted, the latter looking absolutely adorable bundled up in a knit, russet pullover.

"At least we have each other to talk to," Gwyn offered, throwing him a kind smile. Az met her stare, hoping she read the agreement in his face. "Assuming you know how to hold a conversation for longer than a minute," she added with a chuckle and a mischievous glint in those seas of green-blue.

"What would you like me to talk about, Berdara?" he requested, his tone low, somehow portraying a confidence he certainly wasn't feeling.

Gwyn thought for a moment tilting her head slightly and looking up, her irises sliding to the right side of her eyes. "Pumpkin carving," she finally decided.

"Pumpkin carving?" he repeated.

"Sure! We are at the Pumpkin Patch."

Az chuckled, brushing his fingers through his hair quickly. "Okay. I'm not much of a fan, I guess. When done well it can look cool, but I'm not particularly good at it, and it just seems like a waste of pumpkin. I mean, sure, you can roast pumpkin seeds, but that's nothing to what you can do with the shell of the pumpkin, but instead we're just going to carve it up, put a candle in it, and leave it outside for the squirrels to munch on, often destroying the design before Halloween actually comes? I mean, surely, with the technology we have today, we could create fake pumpkins that are a lot like real ones, but without the gross insides, and wouldn't be as appealing to the squirrels. Best of both worlds - people can do the activity and make their own, since that seems to be important to some, and you don't end up with a ruined design. Plus, farmers can then grow actual, good-tasting pumpkins, and we don't have to deal with making sure we're buying the right ones for the various foods we wish to make with pumpkin. What?"

He focused back on her as she giggled, watching him in his rant.

"I didn't realize you felt so strongly about pumpkins, Az," she teased, a light smile on her face that had his heart fluttering.

He blushed again under her gaze, his own eyes hopping from freckle to freckle on her face. "I like…pie…" he explained, only afterwards realizing he sounded like an idiot with that statement.

"Pie?"

"Yes." His eyes darted away from her as she laughed heartily, tipping her head back slightly.

"Pie is good," she agreed, Az meeting her stare once again, the hint of a smile on his lips. "But I never would've expected such a rant from you."

Az raised his eyebrows at that comment. "And why's that?"

She shrugged. "You're just so…stoic and mysterious. I always feel like you'd rather hang out in the shadows, on the outskirts of whatever's happening."

"The shadows are my friends," he joked, feeling the smirk in his eyes.

"Oh, do they talk to you? Or, better yet, sing? Do you sing to them?" Gwyn's face grew wide with excitement at the concept. "Are you a shadowsinger?"

"What is a shadowsinger?" he asked, laughing loudly. He'd never heard of such nonsense.

"I don't know, but it sounds cool," she answered simply, beaming up at him.

His laughter died down as their gazes remained locked. In his peripheral, he noticed a leaf lightly float into her hair, the burnt orange against her shimmering copper hair was gorgeous, but Az doubted she'd want the leaf to stay there. So he lifted a hand, leaning in slightly to pick it out.

Just as his fingers grabbed hold of its stem, Gwyn pushed herself forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, Az freezing at the touch, his mouth opening slightly in shock when she pulled back away. Her eyes were wide as she looked at him, something like horror flashing through them when she caught sight of the leaf in his hand he'd clearly been reaching for.

But he didn't say anything, not as his heart galloped away, not as his mind raced, attempting to process what had just happened. He just stared.

"Oh my gosh," she gasped, her face falling into her hands. "I'm so sorry. I thought…"

She shook her head, still hiding herself from him when his mind finally caught up to everything. Gwyn had just kissed him. She kissed him. And he was just sitting there, stiff as a statue.

Az tossed the leaf to the side as his other hand lightly wrapped around her wrists, pulling them down. He used his now-free hand to tangle his fingers in her hair and lift her face, bringing her eyes to his.

Gwyn stared back at him, uncertainty and fear staining her glorious eyes, and Az knew he'd never find the right words to make her feel better. So, instead, he acted.

Flashing her a small half-smile, he leaned in and brought his lips down to hers, gentle and tentative, just in case she'd suddenly decided she didn't want it.

As it turned out, Az was far luckier than he ever could have imagined. Gwyn was quickly kissing him back, fisting her hands in his shirt to pull him closer. Their lips parted in sync with each other's, both attempting to deepen the kiss, but the growing smiles made it difficult.

Gwyn gave up first, resting her forehead against his as they breathed each other in. "I've been waiting for you to do that for months."

"What?!" Az asked before he could think better of it. "I…I didn't think you liked me."

Rolling her eyes, she sighed loudly, huffing out a small laugh. "I thought you were supposed to be smart."

She looked into his hazel eyes, her pupils dilated to the point that the teal was only a small ring and Az wanted to shout at her eyes to bring it back. But instead he just chuckled, placing a small kiss to her nose, which had her scrunching her face adorably. "I'm pretty sure my mind empties whenever I'm around you."

"Ew, gross," she groaned, pushing him away lightheartedly as they both laughed before scooting closer and resting her heat on his shoulder. She nuzzled in when Az wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and then placed a hand on his leg, brushing it softly. Her hand going higher with each stroke.

"Um, Gwyn," he gulped, his focus now entirely on that hand, and the feeling as she got closer and closer. "Not that that doesn't feel amazing but, erm…I'd rather not have something…extra on display when we go for lunch."

She tilted her head to look up at him, a playful smirk on her lips, her hand never stopping. "I guess you'll just have to control yourself, then."

Azriel felt his eyes widen as he saw a small question flash in Gwyn's. If he truly wanted her to stop, she would, but he definitely didn't now. Not after that comment. Not as Az hardened instantly at the power she seized.

"I think you and I are going to have a lot of fun together, Berdara," he grunted in a guttural tone as he attempted to breath deeply and steel himself.

"Oh, I know we are," she shot back. "But you might not want to think too hard about that right now." With a wink, Gwyn was back to leaning fully against him, her eyes drifting to watch the trees go by, her hand continuing its soft brushes. And Az attempted to think about everything other than the wicked woman he now knew he was desperately in love with.

a/n: So, yes, I'm American, and most everything will use American terminology. However, curry chips is really a more British thing (and something I've only had when I lived in London - it was amazing), and I just can't call it "curry fries"...it sounds weird. So, yeah...in case that confused some of you...there's that explanation. XD

And really hope this flowed well! There may be a part I put in to help me with something later on, and idk if it really works but I'm keeping it. 😂

If you would like me to make a Gwynriel tag list and put you on it, let me know! 🙂