#but it used to be a lot more back then... i miss it!!
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Hellooooo my favorite catlover/writer
I got another pop up idea this morning (happens way too often)
But first of all ! Don’t wear yourself out ! You write a lot and it’s amazing ! But prioritize yourself first. Don’t let requests put a pression on you ❤️
I know how it feels
Anyways
I’m not a morning person like most of the population except SOCIOPATHS.
And I imagined what it would feel like having the emt!marauders watching you up since they have to go to work early. You know like kisses, shoulders massages, soothing words as they try to calm your rise and everything…
If you don’t like it that’s ok! Don’t write it.
Love you, rest well. (Drink water)
Thanks for your request babe! Hope you're resting well and drinking water too <3
emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 654 words
You stir when you feel Remus shifting underneath you. He reaches over to shut off his alarm, hand coming back to rest over your head placatingly. The appeasement doesn’t last long; when he goes to move out from under you, you make a soft whining sound.
“Dove.” His voice is husky with sleep, but there’s fondness to it. It makes you want him to stay even more.
The mattress creaks at the other end of the bed as James gets up. Sirius grumbles, scooting closer to you and shoving his face into your neck in rebellion.
“Don’t let them take me,” he mumbles pitifully.
“Baby.” Remus sounds more exasperated and also more amused now that both you and Sirius are half atop him. You’re not sure which one of you he’s talking to, but it hardly matters. “Come on.” His lips touch down on your head. “You can sleep, but we have to get ready.”
The bathroom light turns on. Both you and Sirius moan tormentedly.
James’ laugh is too loud for the early hour; you’ll never understand how he wakes so quickly. “Need some help, love?”
“Please,” Remus replies.
Sirius makes a half-asleep sound of protest as he’s dragged away from you, James speaking to him in a low, amused voice.
“Alright,” Remus murmurs, kissing your head again, “my turn.”
He eases your head off of his chest, setting it gently on the pillow before getting out of bed. You mourn the warmth of his spot next to you.
James is ready the fastest, back to press kisses to your pouty lips and soothe his big hands over your shoulders. “Do you want me to make you something for breakfast, lovie? If you get up now I’ll whip you up a fancy coffee.”
“James,” Remus chides from the bathroom, “let her sleep.”
James sighs but bends to mush loving kisses into your neck, murmuring nonsense at you all the while.
“I know you don’t like the bathroom light on, but if you think about it, we’re the ones who have to endure it. Sirius is in there halfway to a temper tantrum because his hair won’t behave, and you’re here all warm and cozy in bed. You look terribly cute like this, do you know? It’s really cruel of you, it ought to be illegal, and if Sirius were awake enough to form a thought he’d agree with me.” His kisses turn ticklish, and James chuckles when you wriggle. “Really! I mean it, you don’t know how lucky you are getting to stay here in bed and looking so adorable. Remus is about to drive us to work, and Sirius is going to insist on laying down in the backseat and moaning about how much he misses you all the while, it’s terrible. I ought to take a picture of you to console him.”
“Don’t,” you mumble. You find one of James’ hands with your own, dragging it underneath your pillow for safekeeping.
James laughs again, and another chuckle joins him as Sirius comes out of the bathroom.
“What’re you doing to her, you relentless pest? At least one of us should be allowed to sleep.”
James makes a soft grunting sound as the bed dips. You don’t have to open your eyes to know Sirius has draped himself over his boyfriend’s shoulders.
“Don’t worry, gorgeous, I’ll get him away from you,” Sirius promises. “Jamie, I require one of your fancy coffees.”
“Me too,” says Remus from the bathroom.
James succumbs to the weight of peer pressure and goes, and a short while later the bathroom light shuts off. Remus crouches by the bed, kissing you softly.
“Sleep well,” he says, brushing some hair away from your face. “We’ll see you after our shift, dovey, okay?”
You mumble out a response, already falling asleep again in the returned darkness of the bedroom.
Remus’ thumb skims fondly over your cheek. “Love you too, sweetheart.”
#emt!marauders#emt!marauders x reader#poly!marauders#poly marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly marauders x reader#marauders au#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders one shot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#marauders x reader
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Last one before I try doing it with another character (and before i force myself to get back to work on art and stuff lol)
With the usual lady herself. The scourge of the undead and the paranormal alike. Hunter of monsters. Breaker of bones (and hearts). EATER OF RARE HAMBURGERS.
The unwilling vampire, Sammy!
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv This gal! vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
This one is really long, so I'll be dividing them by sections like the original!
Appearance
1. What is your favorite physical trait that you possess?
SM: If I could, I'd be feeling flustered right now. But since I can, I'll just say something at random.
SM: ...
SM: Hair.
2. What would you wear if they told you you had to gussy up?
SM: ...
SM: I AM gussied up.
3. Is there anything about your appearance that you would change if possible?
SM:
SM: Hope that answers your question.
4. Do you have a favorite material that you like to wear?
SM: Denim or leather. Easy to wash, hardy enough. Hides bloodstains.
5. What's your opinion on scars?
SM: I miss them.
6. How much do you take interest in trends?
SM: More than I'd like to. Apex predators have to stay at the top of the game.
SM: Oh, you mean fashion trends? About the same. Even if I don't feel anything, I want to look my best when I put the bloodsuckers back in their graves.
7. Is there someone you try to look similar to?
SM: Myself. From about 2 years ago.
8. Do you have a physical trait that you're known for?
SM: Take a guess.
9. What do you smell like?
SM: Wouldn't you like to know. Good enough, is what I'll say.
10. If you could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?
SM: Sunglasses. Or a new jacket. Anything that can help keep me cool.
11. Is your favorite color a color you wear often?
SM: Yeah.
12. Have you gone through major stylistic or physical changes?
SM: I guess you could say somethin' like that.
13. What is something you would refuse to wear?
SM: Anything degrading.
14. Is there a style you're afraid you can't pull off?
SM: Average.
15. Would you wear something someone else picked for you?
SM: Silver picked this outfit for me. It's easy to move in and looks good, so I don't mind.
16. Is your appearance more telling or deceiving?
SM: What a way to ask about it. Hopefully the first one.
17. What are your thoughts on wearing costumes?
SM: It's been tainted for me, the whole "human pretending to be a monster" thing. But if it's for innocent fun, I try not to mind.
18. Do you have a favorite outfit?
SM: I feel like I already answered this.
19. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?
SM: Crucifix. Practical reasons.
Objects
1. Is there an item you don't like to live without?
SM: Crucifixes. Have to keep them upside down, though.
2. What gift would you give to someone you didn't like, but felt obligated to?
SM: Something as cheap as generic as possible. A card or something.
3. What object is likely to catch your attention?
SM: The answer is inside you. Literally.
4. Is there an item you liked that you can't get back?
SM: Don't think so. None that I recall.
5. Would you ever try to haggle?
SM: Depends. For what?
6. Is there something you're proud to own?
SM: I can't feel pride anymore. But I used to brag a lot about my cd collection.
7. Do you ever spend more time than you have?
SM: I have all the time in the world. But I do spend more time than I should...
8. What would it take for you to give up an item you like?
SM: A stake, or cash. Depends.
9. Do you prefer to give or receive gifts?
SM: As long as they're useful, receive.
10. Is there a type of object you don't like?
SM: Anything that can cause bodily harm. And I don't mean to myself.
11. What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for you?
SM: Burger.
12. Do you personify objects?
SM: No, but I know someone who does.
13. What do you most enjoy shopping for?
SM: Nothing in particular.
14. Is there an item you're embarrassed to own or want?
SM: Again, I can't feel embarrassment anymore.
15. Would you prefer something bought or made personally?
SM: Something that functions.
16. Are you willing to ask for things?
SM: Who isn't?
17. What is most important to you when shopping?
SM: Keeping an eye on the budget. Unlike some people I know.
Food and Drink
1. What flavor would you say your personality is?
SM: Bitter.
2. Would you prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?
SM: Cooking. No one seems to get it right for me.
3. Is there a food or drink you're unwilling to try?
SM: Their... "specialty".
4. How big is your appetite?
SM: One appetite too big.
5. Do you consider eating fun?
SM: These questions make me angry.
6. Would you consider eating something you didn't like just to appease someone?
SM: No.
7. Is there food that has made you sick?
SM: Not anymore.
8. What is your favorite food group?
SM: Food has groups?
SM: ...Why?
9. Do you like to try new foods?
SM: I sure hope I did.
10. What is a childhood meal you cherish?
SM: ...Burger.
11. Are you food-motivated?
SM: ...
SM: Really?
12. Which meal time is your favorite?
SM: The final kind.
13. How much do you care about wasting food?
SM: Very. My mother raised me well.
14. Do you prefer restaurant or home-cooked food?
SM: Restaurant. For the time being.
15. What food or drink do you consider a treat?
SM: Burger...
16. Is there a food texture you don't like?
SM: Liquid, viscous and slightly oily.
17. What kind of drinks do you prefer?
SM: Water.
Weather and Nature
1. What would you do if you were suddenly caught in the rain?
SM: Find a place with a roof.
2. Have you ever had a meaningful encounter with an animal?
SM: If I have, I can't recall.
3. What season would you say you're most similar to?
SM: ...What?
4. Is there a natural phenomenon that scares you?
SM: I don't feel fear. But for sake of the question, I'd rather not be involved with any right now.
5. Have you ever had an animal phase?
SM: Don't think so.
6. Do you enjoy sky-gazing?
SM: I don't mind it when Johnny asks me to join him. That's about it.
7. Do you have a good sense of direction?
SM: Yeah. Par for the course.
8. What type of environment do you like best?
SM: Not too hot, not too cold.
9. Are you good with animals?
SM: Animals tend to run away from me. Don't blame 'em.
10. How would you react to snow?
SM: Just 'cuz Vegas is in a desert doesn't mean it doesn't snow. The place is literally called Nevada, por dios.
11. What part of nature do you most resonate with?
SM: The supernatural has no place within the natural world.
12. Could you survive on your own in the wilderness for a week or more?
SM: Depends on the place. Probably.
13. What element best represents you?
SM: Darkness.
14. Do you prefer hot or cold weather?
SM: Cold. Reasonably cold.
15. Is there a creature that scares you?
SM: No.
16. What celestial body interests you the most?
SM: The sun.
17. Are you good with plants?
SM: About as good as anyone.
18. How willing would you be to nap outside?
SM: Unwilling.
19. What animal would you say best represents you?
SM: A mosquito.
Community and Relationships
1. Do you prefer company or solitude when sick?
SM: I don't get sick.
SM: ...
SM: But Silver being a pest during... that, wasn't so bad.
2. What is your favorite kind of social event?
SM: None.
3. How comfortable would you be with singing and dancing in front of everyone?
SM: I would not care. Though it would be better if I got something out of it.
4. Are you upfront about your feelings?
SM: If I had any.
5. Who would you seek first if you needed medical help?
SM: Nobody. For their sake.
6. How willing would you be to go to a party with people you don't know?
SM: If it leads to something useful, willing. Otherwise, rather not.
7. Who are you most honest with?
SM: Silver.
8. How likely is it for you to initiate a friendship?
SM: Unlikely.
9. Where is your comfort place?
SM: ...Home.
10. Is there a habit you've learned from someone else?
SM: Less learned and more forcefully conditioned into me.
11. Do you think you have people who would worry about you if you got injured?
SM: Yeah. Somehow.
12. How would you react to being put in a position of leadership?
SM: I don't like it.
13. Would you be good at providing medical assistance?
SM: Would a starving bear be good at it? Carajo.
14. Who would you say knows you best?
SM: Silver. Maybe a little too much.
15. Is there a person you would turn to for backup in a fight?
SM: The boys. Either of them, for different reasons.
16. Who would you most like to sign your cast if you got one?
SM: If I were able to get a cast? Everyone, probably.
17. How well do you work with others?
SM: Well enough.
18. What is your favorite form of affection?
SM: Minding your business.
19. Do you enjoy celebrating holidays?
SM: I really don't care.
20. What would it take for you to get into a fight?
SM: Not much.
Mind, Body and Soul
1. What is a habit you have that others might find cute?
SM: I don't think anyone would ever find me cute.
2. Are there any particular sounds you're fond of?
SM: Heartbeats.
3. Are you more prone to fight or flight?
SM: Fight.
4. Do you believe in myths and fairytales?
SM: Do you?
5. What words could tear you down?
SM: None.
6. How well do you act under pressure?
SM: Pressure isn't something I'm familiar with.
7. Are you good at practicing self-care?
SM: That's not a luxury I can afford.
8. What do you find most comforting?
SM: Not comforting, but I'd rather be left alone.
9. Do you have any allergies?
SM: No.
10. Are you a light, medium or heavy sleeper?
SM: I don't need sleep.
11. Do you have a strong willpower?
SM: Given how everyone around me remains safe and ignorant, I'd say yes.
12. Are you more likely to give advice or take it?
SM: Johnny seems to ask me for advice often, and I can't understand why.
13. How do you relax?
SM: I don't.
14. Is there a secret you long to hear?
SM: The method to end this madness.
15. Do you have a sleep routine?
SM: I used to.
16. Would you feel confident in a fight?
SM: Why would you be in a fight otherwise?
17. Are you more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?
SM: Night. Self explanatory.
18. How often do you have nightmares?
SM: ...Often.
19. Are there scents you dislike?
SM: Blood.
20. Is there a fear you'd like to learn to overcome?
SM: I fear nothing.
21. If you had to act in a play, what role do you think you'd perform best?
SM: Background character. A tree or something.
22. Do you have a high pain tolerance?
SM: Pain is a quality of the living.
Hobbies and Activities
1. What kind of games do you most enjoy playing?
SM: Silver introduced me to Castlevania. Good game.
2. Do you have a secret hobby?
SM: Its a secret.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
SM: The talent to end this quickly.
4. Is there an activity you used to enjoy that you now dislike?
SM: ...Hard to decide.
5. Which do you prioritize more, work or hobbies?
SM: Work.
6. Do you work better with creative or technical endeavors?
SM: Direct endeavors.
7. What is a talent you're proud of?
SM: The talent to brutalize all these parasites.
8. Are you more outdoorsy or indoorsy?
SM: ...
SM: "Indoorsy".
9. What is a topic you'd be exited to talk about?
SM: Again. Can't feel excitement.
10. Is there a skill that you don't know you're bad at?
SM: I-- What?
11. Do you have any injury story?
SM: Fine. Since you're so insistent. Let's see, I've been stabbed and maimed multiple times. I've had my limbs torn one by one. I've been cut in half. Decapitated. Had my bones broken. One time I had to gouge my own eyes out. Had my tongue pulled off. My neck broken. I've been ripped apart, and one other time I was eviscerated. Then I got flayed. Had my skull caved in, my mandible displaced. And lately I had my brains blown out with my own friend's gun.
SM: Oh, and this one time a creep bit me and drank my blood. But really, it didn't hurt. Happy now?
12. What kind of music do you enjoy?
SM: I used to like pop. But lately, I've been subjected to hours of rock music by Silver.
SM: It's not so bad. The guttural screams keep my... mind off things.
13. Have you ever made something for yourself or someone else?
SM: I used to cook often.
14. What is your opinion on cheating in games?
SM: A necessary evil sometimes.
15. How good are you at following through on projects?
SM: VERY good.
16. What's an activity that reminds you of someone else?
SM: That's... I don't wanna answer that.
17. Do you prefer music or silence?
SM: Its complicated.
18. What is something you wouldn't wanna talk about?
SM: I don't want to talk about it.
🌸My Super Long Hopefully Fun Character Ask Game:
👕Appearance
What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?
What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?
Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?
Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?
What are your character's opinion on scars?
How much interest does your character take in trends?
Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?
Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?
What does your character smell like?
If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?
Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?
Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?
What is something your character would refuse to wear?
Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?
Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?
Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?
What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?
Does your character have a favorite outfit?
If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?
📦Objects
Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?
What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?
What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?
Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back?
Would your character ever try to haggle?
What is something your character is proud to own?
Does your character ever spend more than they have?
What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?
Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?
Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?
What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?
Does your character personify objects?
What does your character most enjoy shopping for?
Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?
Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?
Is your character willing to ask for things?
What is most important to your character when shopping?
🍽️Food and Drink
What flavor would your character say their personality is?
Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?
Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?
How big is your character's appetite?
Does your character consider eating fun?
Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?
Is there food that has made your character sick?
What is your character's favorite food group?
Does your character like to try new foods?
What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?
Is your character food motivated?
Which mealtime is your character's favorite?
How much does your character care about wasting food?
Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?
What food or drink does your character consider a treat?
Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?
What kind of drinks does your character prefer?
🌤️Weather and Nature
What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?
Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?
What season would your character say they're most similar to?
Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?
Has your character ever had an animal phase?
Would your character enjoy sky gazing?
Does your character have a good sense of direction?
What type of environment does your character like best?
Is your character good with animals?
How would your character react to snow?
What part of nature would your character most resonate with?
Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?
What element best represents your character?
Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?
Is there a creature that scares your character?
What celestial body would interest your character the most?
Is your character good with plants?
How willing would your character be to nap outside?
What animal would your character say best represents them?
🤝Community and Relationships
Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?
What is your character's favorite kind of social event?
How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?
Is your character upfront about their feelings?
Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?
How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?
Who is your character most honest with?
How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?
Where is your character's comfort place?
Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?
Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?
How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?
Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?
Who would your character say knows them best?
Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?
Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?
How well does your character work with others?
What is your character's favorite form of affection?
Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?
What would it take for your character to get into a fight?
💓Mind, Body and Soul
What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?
Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?
Is your character more prone to fight or flight?
Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?
What words could tear your character down?
How well does your character act under pressure?
Is your character good at practicing self-care?
What scents does your character find comforting?
Does your character have any allergies?
Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?
Does your character have strong willpower?
Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?
How does your character relax?
Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?
Does your character have a sleep routine?
Would your character feel confident in a fight?
Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?
How often does your character have nightmares?
Are there scents your character dislikes?
Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?
If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?
Does your character have a high pain tolerance?
🎲 Hobbies and Activities
What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?
Does your character have a secret hobby?
What is a talent your character wishes they had?
Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?
Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?
Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?
What is a talent that your character is proud of?
Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?
What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about?
Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?
Does your character have any injury stories?
What kind of music does your character enjoy?
Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?
What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?
How good is your character at following through on projects?
What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?
Does your character prefer music or silence?
What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?
#oc asks#OC stuff#sammy moors#is her name#the ask stuff#no one can stop me!!!#minor warning for graphic descriptions of violence
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Talk of the "4B" movement on here is a great way to see a lot of people declare "oh, they'll probably be saying it's transphobic soon" before dropping unalloyed transphobia. I mean, the top posts are all posts mocking the idea that it's being used by TERFs posted by people whose bios identify themselves as radfems and whose tags say radfems can interact, and making posts just saying things like "leftists will claim it's transphobic to class trans women with men", so we're not exactly dealing with a savvy covert operation here
But that misses the larger point that in this context going on Strike Against Men is pointless. It's all based on the assumption that it's incels driving Trump's victory, but that's a very online assumption to make, because it was evangelicals, and evangelical men only date evangelical women. They won't even notice any movement, because there's no shortage of women who support the misogynistic culture of evangelical America.
This is a thorny thing to talk about since while they're all victims of patriarchal brainwashing, yeah, there are a substantial amount of women in this country who have embraced it, who are against feminism, who think they should be quiverfull housewives with a dozen kids and no notions, and who think that lifestyle should be forced on other women. Conservative women are often oppressed by the restrictions placed on women by conservative culture, but also many of them enforce those restrictions. The idea of a large group of women enthusiastically co-signing their oppression is haunting. So it's unsurprising that for many, the response to that is to ignore it: to retreat back into a worldview of men who support Trump and women who oppose him
The incel is a descriptor of a certain type of angry, isolated young man, but it's a term that's overused until it's presented as the bulk of the right. I regret to inform you most MAGA men are, in fact, getting laid; they do have wives and girlfriends, who are themselves often MAGA. A majority of white women voted for Trump, after all. Of course presenting women as a united front for liberation against a lonely oppressor class would sound more appealing than that reality, but it's also a useless model for accomplishing anything, since it's, well, not reality
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*𝑺𝒐 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍*
Pairing: Seungmin x Reader (Fem)
Genre: Fluffy smut (tiniest bit of angst)
Warnings: Oral (F), Praise, Creampie, Unprotected Sex, Slight mirror sex?, lots of use of beautiful, sorry for any mistakes or missing warnings.
Find The Request Here
-🖤
You were out shopping with some friends, looking for some new clothes for the summer. You found a few pretty things taking a few pictures to ask your boyfriend what he thought of them. Like normal he just replied kinda bland.
You: How do these look? I really like this black one.
Mong😘: Looks good
You: Should I get them? I don’t knooow :(
Mong😘: Get them if you want
You felt a bit sad, I mean he wasn’t being mean or anything. However you were at least hoping for a ‘you look pretty’ or something more. This is how Seungmin is though he doesn’t express himself really well and sometimes it makes you feel bad. Like you’re either boring him or he doesn’t care. You signed a little not even wanting to get it anymore but your friends made sure you did.
When you got home you put the stuff away walking past seungmin who was sitting on the couch scrolling his phone. You thought to yourself ‘maybe if I show him it now he’ll say something?’ You could only hope. You slipped the pretty black dress on walking back out to the living room.
“You got the dress” he said looking up for a moment from his video.
“Yeah! How’s it look?” You asked with a small hopeful smile.
He didn’t even look up shifting a bit in his seat before replying “Good” he said bluntly.
The small smile on your face faded looking over at him before walking back to the room. You felt defeated like maybe he just didn’t find you attractive anymore. You crawled onto your bed hugging onto a pillow and felt a tear fall. You didn’t even realize you started crying. A whirlwind of thoughts spun around in your head. ‘Did I do something wrong?’ ‘Does he even like me anymore?’ ‘Am I just not attractive?’ Your heart sank more and more as the thought just kept swirling.
Seungmin however was still sitting on the couch he let out a small breath situating himself. Realistically he loved the dress on you, you looked so fucking good. When he saw the picture of you in it his cock god instantly hard and seeing you in front of him was the same thing. He didn’t wanna seem like a horn dog so he just kept his thoughts at bay. He did that a lot, knowing how men have treated you in the past. Unbeknownst to him how he was making you feel.
You eventually took the dress off putting it back in the bag. You were just going to take it back. When seungmin had came back to the room he noticed the dress sitting by the door folded in the bag. “Not hanging it up?” He asked looking over at you.
“No. I’m.. I’m just gonna take it back” you said softly not meeting his gaze.
“What why?” He asked confused.
“I just am ok..” you snapped a bit curling yourself into the pillow.
“Is there something wrong with it?” He asked.
“I don’t know is there? Or is there just something wrong with me?” You snapped again this time sitting up to glare at him.
He was taken back a bit “what?”
“Nothing just forget it” you said getting up to walk into the bathroom.
You shut the door behind you feeling like you were gonna cry again. You heard a small knock before seungmin slowly opened it. “Are you alright?” He asked softly.
“Seungmin..” you said choking back your tears. “Am I not attractive to you anymore?” You said voice almost a whisper.
“what? Why would you think that?” He asked more confused than ever.
“You barely touch me, you didn’t even look up from your phone when I came out.. you couldn’t even tell me I looked good in it..” you could feel the tears slowly falling now. Seungmins heart dropping.
“Hey” he said reaching out to you. He cupped your face with his hand whipping the tears away. He turned your head to look at him where you could see the hurt on his face. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t- like I don’t like you..” he said softly.
“Then why are you so bland when we texts? Why does it seem like I’m just.. ugly or something..” you said in a whisper.
“Sweetheart, you’re not ugly. I find you so attractive.. I guess I’m just really bad at expressing how I feel towards you because you make me feel so much.” He says. “That dress looks so phenomenal on you. You look- god you look so good in it.” He admits.
You look over his features trying to figure out if he’s being genuine. “Put it back on. I’ll show you how much I like it” he says with a smile.
Although you’re hesitant you do, you go back out slipping it back on before opening the door once more. He smiles taking your hand to bring you over to the mirror for a second. “Look at you. Look how beautiful you look. Those curves” he says placing his hands on your hips. “Your tits look so good in it too, they’re just sat so nicely” he says as he brings his other hand up to fondle them over the fabric. The suddenness of it making you jump a little.
He massaged the softness of your skin, he pushed his body against you letting you feel how hard he was. You let out a soft moan at the feeling of his touch, the feeling of his cock. “And the nice thing about dresses is that I can see those sexy thighs of yours.” He says letting the hand from your ho caress at the plush skin. “And even better thing is that I can do this” he says hiking your dress up a bit to expose your panties.
His hand slid up pressing firmly on your clit. You let out a gasp before moved your panties to the side slipping his fingers under the fabric. He slid his fingers up and down your folds. You felt yourself becoming soaked as he played with you. “Look at yourself sweetheart. So beautiful. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t think that. But actually I was trying so hard not to just jump you. Fuck. This dress just looks so good on you.” He says before pushing his fingers into your dripping core. His hand that was playing with your tits pulled down on the fabric, Letting your breast spill out.
“My beautiful girl, let me show you how much I love you. How beautiful you are to me.” He says against your ear. You could only let out a groan in acceptance. He moved his fingers into curling them as he picked his pace up a little. He left sloppy kisses to your neck sucking at it, his other hand playing with your nipples. His body rutted against you and in all the pleasure your legs started to wobble.
“Seung- I-“ you stuttered out not being able to finish your sentence.
He smiled before removing himself from you for a split second. He moved your body to face him kissing you hungrily. His hands gripped you close to him he slowly moved you backwards, letting you fall back to the bed. He got on top of you meeting your lips again. He fumbled to take his pants off as he kept kissing you not wanting to pull away. His tongue darted into your mouth wrestling with yours.
You could feel his cock now against your panties. However they weren’t there long before seungmin was pulling them off. He let his cock glide up and down your folds collecting all your wetness. You moaned into the kiss hands finding his hair deepening the kiss. You could feel the warmth from his body against yours his hands wondering lower and lower before they slid into you once more. Fingers pumping into you as his cock slid against your clit.
“Min” you said between breaths.
“Yes sweetheart?” He said pulling away.
“Please” you begged not knowing exactly what you wanted.
He hummed in response before pulling his fingers from you once more. You whined feeling the emptiness only to have seungmin pushing his tip against your entrance.
“This what you want?” He said in a teasing tone.
You nodded “yes, want you”
“Anything you want sweetheart I’ll give you” he said.
He pushed himself slowly into you savoring the feeling as your walls clenched around him. He leaned down to kiss you again as he started to move. His hips rolling into you, cock hitting so perfectly at your cervix. He started off with slow, shallow movements before picking his pace up.
“Y/n- fuck you’re so pretty” he said looking down at you. The way you looked back at him eyes already hazy lost in the pleasure made his cock twitch. His hips snapped harshly pushing him deep into you.
“Fuck!” You moaned out hands scrambling to hold onto him.
“Shit- shit” he said pulling out of you. He was so close already. He didn’t wanna cum yet, he wanted this to last longer. Needed it to last longer, needed to make you cum first.
He moved his body down you, hastily attaching his mouth to your gaping hole. He pushed his tongue in to you. Hands coming down to grip your thighs, as he ate you out like a starved animal. His nose brushed against your clit making your body arch off the bed.
“Min! Seungmin!” You almost screamed hands gripping at his pretty locks. You bucked your hips into his tongue feeling your high getting closer.
“That’s it- use me sweetheart- make yourself cum on my tongue.” He groaned. He let you move against his tongue. His cock twitching at your moans and the grip you had on his hair.
“Shit! Min- I’m- I’m cumming!” You said gripping his hair harder. Legs clamping around him as your body stuttered chasing your high. Seungmin lapped at your juices licking everything you gave him. He rode out your high letting your body settle a bit. He pulled away from your core eyes glazed. His lips glistened with your juices licking them clean.
He moved quickly hovering over you once more. He pushed himself into your sensitive cunt moving sloppily into you. “My beautiful baby. The love of my life. M’sorry for making you feel the way you did. No more. Fuck- I’ll remind you every day how much I love you” he babbled on.
You felt another orgasms sneaking up on you and as if seungmin could read your mind he moved a hand to your clit. Rubbing the overly sensitive nub in unison with his thrusts. The moans that escaped your lips drove him closer and closer to his high.
“Gonna cum for me again? Please- fuck please cum with me” he pleased. Eyes locked on yours now.
“Close Min, I’m- I’m close!” You admitted and he knew. He could feel your cunt clenching around him. Walls pulling him deeper into you.
He moved his hand once more to interlock with your hands. His body pressed against you as he rutted into you deeply. You felt his cock twitch before a guttural moan left his lips. You felt his warm cum spraying your walls coating them as his thrusts slowed a bit. The feeling of his cum mixed with the sounds he was making drove you over the edge. Fuck did he sound so hot.
Your legs gripped around him pulling him in even more before you came. The feeling making him let that sweet sound out again mixing with your own moans. Seungmins body fell to your side pulling you close to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around you kissing your shoulder softly as you both caught your breath.
You could feel his cum dripping out of you making you shiver a bit. “Y/n, if you ever feel this way again tell me ok?” He said softly.
“I will, I’m sorry” you said breathily.
“Hey, none of that don’t apologize. I’m the one that made you feel that way.” He said turning you to look at him. “I love you y/n”
“I love you to Min. So so much” you said smiling fondly at him.
“Let’s get cleaned up, don’t wanna ruin the pretty dress” he said with a smile.
“Oh yeah, I was gonna return it” you said teasingly.
“Nope. Never getting rid of it” he said with a little chuckle.
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵
Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp
#stray kids#skz#stray kids scenarios#skz scenarios#seungmin#seungmin scenarios#seungmin drabbles#seungmin smut#seungmin fluff#stray kids smut#stray kids drabble#stray kids fanfic#stray kids x reader#seungmin x reader#kpop smut#kpop drabble#bangchan#changbin#han jisung#hyunjin#jeongin#Lee know#Lee Felix
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Midnight Pals: Dark Days Coming
King: hey guys sorry i'm late King: i just could not get up this morning King: feels like I've been sleeping for days King: what did i miss? King: how did the election go? Lovecraft: not too bad King: King: oh no King: oh no oh no oh no
Lovecraft: don't worry steve it won't be so bad Lovecraft: I've heard assurances from the new regime that they only want the trade unionists King: King: King:
Lovecraft: i mean really steve Lovecraft: how bad could it be? [meanwhile] Donald Trump: we're gonna have the biggliest boot stamping on a human face forever Trump: we love the boot stamping on the human face forever, don't we folks? Trump: more and more people are saying they love the boot
Lovecraft: you're overreacting steve Lovecraft: what's trump even going to do? King: well i'm glad you asked King: [unrolls comically long scroll] Lovecraft: oh is this going to be a song
King: well for starters King: decimate reproductive rights King: LGBTQ rights King: labor rights King: civil rights King: accelerate climate change Lovecraft: [sweats] this is making me feel bad steve Lovecraft: i can't wait for trump to outlaw you telling me this stuff!
King: use the military to brutalize americans King: abandon Ukraine King: and as for gaza George Romero: in all honesty steve Romero: that probably won't change much King: oh look! an optimist!
Lovecraft: ok but Lovecraft: has he actually SAID he's going to do any of that? King: yes Lovecraft: oh he was probably just lying Lovecraft: he lies a lot Poe: he does lie a lot
Lovecraft: i think you're overreacting, he's probably not gonna do all the stuff he says he's gonna do King: so you don't believe him? Lovecraft: nope! King: king: then what's his appeal? Lovecraft: well he's just so honest
Lovecraft: a real straight shooter Lovecraft: tells it like it is Lovecraft: says what he means King: King:
King: howard please tell me you didn't vote for trump did you? Lovecraft: [sweats] steve! please! Lovecraft: i'm only a loveable archie bunker style racist Lovecraft: i'm still 100% yang gang King: King: King: i picked a bad day to quit cocaine
King: i really need some cocaine King: edgar you know where i can get some cocaine don't you Poe: steve stay strong Poe: you don't need cocaine King: just one bump King: to get me through the next four years King: i mean few days King: no i mean four years
King: how about a beer? i was an alcoholic too you know King: maybe i'll take that up again King: this is good drinking weather Poe: steve no Poe: dean help me hold him back King: don't try to stop me! Poe: no steve! you've got so much to live for! King: yeah? like what? Poe: well Poe: you've got a loving family King: Joe is pretty great Koontz: and owen! King: King: yeah and owen is alright too i guess
King: yeah he's pretty good King: what the heck, i can say it King: i love owen too! Koontz: and there's naomi too King: whoa wait a second, i have THREE kids?? King: this just keeps getting better!
King: thanks guys i do feel a little better Poe: good, hold onto that Poe: cuz it's going to be a long four years Lovecraft: only four years? i thought we weren't gonna have to vote anymore! Poe: Poe: good drinking weather, huh?
Joyce Carol Oates: huh, i really don't see why the electorate would hate trans people unless they were persuaded by hate speech and fearmongering JK Rowling: well well well look at the fancccy pantsss rich author Rowling: with her out of touch fancccy ideasss about a pluralissstic sssociety! Rowling: with her fancccy german automobile! Oates: this car was made in Guatemala
Rowling: you're clearly too rich to underssstand the feelingsss of the common man Rowling: unlike me, a true daughter of the proletariat Rowling: i know all about the material needsss of the underclassss Rowling: anyway i'm going to insulate my Scottish castle with big bags of money
#midnight pals#the midnight society#midnight society#stephen king#edgar allan poe#hp lovecraft#dean koontz#jk rowling#joyce carol oates#george romero
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Of course their friends didn't suspect a thing, not even Alan could imagine how miserable William felt. Not only today - lately, in general. It took such a toll on him and yet he kept on his mask, acted all strong and protective towards Sebastian. An uncomfortable conversation awaited them - Alan kind of mentioned to Ronald and Eric later on that their meet up had something to do with Sebastian's health and that William seemed really stressed and exhausted about it. So...they somewhat had an idea but really, they had no clue.
Sebastian of course recieved William's text - oh, despite his condition right now it brought a smile to his face right away. Even the nurse taking his blood pressure noticed and as extroverted as Sebastian was, he was chatting with the nurses frequently of course. "Oh, my boyfriend texted. He's the sweetest...he has to work today but he'll come visit in the evening. He's a teacher", he smiled and while he said that, he texted him right back.
'Good morning, dove! <3<3<3 I'm feeling fine...all sore and surgery wound hurts but the worst is that I still can't eat solid food. I'll be fine though. Miss you too, so much!! <3 Have a great day at school <3'
Honestly, the amount of hearts they used during texting should be a crime - but they were simply just as cheesy as in real life, heh. This brightened Sebastian's morning for sure and he just couldn't wait - he wished William was back with him already. Until then, he had to lie in bed some more, wait for the pain meds to kick in and have some more tests done by the nurses. Visiting hours didn't start until around 2pm, so he couldn't expect any visitors until then either. Only one more interesting thing happened before noon - he got a new neighbour in the next bed. An elderly man who apparently had surgery later in the day. He came with his wife to get ready here, left his bag and got changed into the hospital gowns. Huh...Sebastian had been the same just yesterday. At least something was happening and he could chat with them a bit too, so he wasn't bored.
For Alan, Ronald and Eric, today was much as every day - it was the new school year, so there was lots of planning and new stuff to do with the students. The kids got used to their routine again, diligently worked on their tasks and practiced their instruments. Weather was nice today too, which added to their motivation, and yet Alan couldn't fully relax, be happy about it. He kept thinking about William the whole time. He was worried. The principal didn't say anything about Sebastian's sick leave yet and he wondered whether a whole new substitute teacher would come to replace him. He wondered how serious Sebastian's condition might be. By the time all of them had lunch together, Eric too had to silently agree with his husband that William really didn't look well today.
By 3pm, school was pretty much over for everyone. Eric and Alan were in the faculty room, getting ready to go and Ronald also joined them just a few minutes later. They had agreed to meet up at William's place.
For I have sinned...
The principal cleared his throat, eyes scanning the notes that he had wrote down before this meeting. It already lasted an hour, and the teachers gathered in the faculty room were becoming restless and bored. But indeed there were some things to discuss, with the concert that the senior class was supposed to perform at the end of the semester, and with recent staff changes.
William glanced down at his watch, sighing softly. His class was starting in 15 minutes, so at least, whether the meeting will be done soon or not, he will get to excuse himself. He looked out of the window, his mind wandering. Principal’s voice turned into white noise in the background. It was a pleasant day, late summer. But William was looking forward to a slightly cooler weather. Wearing all black could really be bothersome at times.
“And lastly, I am pleased to announce that we have finally found replacement for the violin teacher. Dear Mr Tanaka, may he rest in peace, was with us for so many years that I’ve been concerned we won’t be able to find someone as good as to fill this position.” the principal spoke. “But Mr… Michaelis, was highly recommended to me, and he indeed has impressive references. He will be starting this week, so please welcome him warmly once he will arrive. Ah yes… about that. He will arrive today at noon, I need someone to pick him up from the train station and bring over for the tour around the school. Any volunteers?”
William was barely listening, and definitely not paying much attention. He glanced at his watch again, and saw that it was time to leave, as his class was about to start. He raised his hand to excuse himself, and little did he know, he just volunteered.
“Father William! Excellent!” the principal exclaimed. “Just don’t be late, the train arrives at noon.”
“Train…?” William questioned, raising his brow. He had a feeling he was missing something…
***
Right after the meeting, William had to run for the class, so he had little time to clarify what exactly he had volunteered for. He was a piano teacher in this Music Academy, but also he served as a priest in local church. Well respected, and rather liked. So when he later found out it was about the new violin teacher, he didn’t refuse. Who, other than himself, would be a better choice to introduce a newcome to their community?
So even though he raised his hand by accident, he accepted this fate.
After classes, at noon, William took a taxi and drove to the train station, to pick up their new teacher. Wearing black trousers, and a black shirt with a thin tie, was absolutely dreadful in this weather, so William quickly found shelter under the roof of the station platform, that provided some shade.
The train had just arrived. William had no idea how Mr Michaelis looked like, but he figured he will just look for someone carrying a violin case with them.
He was in for a bit surprise.
@crazyvik97
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✏️ film major!mingyu x reader.
"the greatest films of all time were never made"? not if your ex, film student mingyu, can help it ✶ part of my svt university milestone event
⤿ college exes, exes to friends. more content under the cut. ♡⸝⸝ prompt from @taeraegyat & @gyubakeries!
DIR. BY KIM MINGYU
FADE IN INT. CINEMA '76, LOBBY - DAY
MINGYU enters with his DATE. MINGYU's eyes go wide when he notices YOU at the cinema's snack bar.
DATE Do you want some popcorn?
MINGYU (hesitant) Uh… Isn't it kind of expensive?
DATE shoots MINGYU a look. He heaves out a longsuffering sigh.
MINGYU Okay, I'll get us some.
MINGYU makes his way to the snack bar. YOU look up. His eyebrows furrow, because he can't read the look on your face as well as he used to.
MINGYU Hey, look—
YOU (interrupting) Welcome to Cinema '76. What can I get you?
MINGYU feels his heart drop in his stomach. He wants to explain, but then DATE comes up to him.
DATE Can you get us some soda, too?
MINGYU wishes he hadn't noticed the slight change in YOUR expression. But YOU keep YOUR cool as you go to punch in the order.
YOU A large popcorn and two sodas. Anything else?
MINGYU I—
DATE And a pack of M&Ms, please.
YOU Got it.
MINGYU watches helplessly as you go get their snacks. When YOU return, he wordlessly hands over the payment. The tips of your fingers brush.
MINGYU (softly) Thanks.
YOU only give MINGYU a nod in response. He winces slightly when DATE grabs him by the arm.
DATE We'll miss the previews!
MINGYU Right, right.
MUSIC UP: "You Were Beautiful" by DAY6
MINGYU lets DATE drag him off. He casts one glance over his shoulder at YOU, except YOU'RE not even looking at him. Somehow, that's even worse.
INT. CINEMA '76, CINEMA 1 - DAY
The film is one of those cheesy romcoms. MINGYU thinks about how YOU had introduced him to his favorite romcom; how the two of you used to spend hours and hours debating over which was best.
His DATE leans over a lot to comment on things, he notices.
DATE (pressing close to MINGYU) I think Glen Powell is severely underrated...
MINGYU laughs, just a bit, because in his mind's eye, he can see how YOU would react to that opinion. He's also imagining the look on YOUR face if YOU saw somebody talking during a film.
YOU only allowed movie commentary if it was in the comfort of YOUR home. Otherwise, in public places like cinemas? YOU would glare daggers at anybody who dared.
DATE (CONT'D) ... And that's kind of like Sydney Sweeney, isn't it?
Crap. MINGYU has no idea what DATE had just said.
MINGYU (whispering) Yeah, I agree.
DATE seems placated. Close call, thinks MINGYU. But he's also thinking about how the two of you would argue about everything. How YOU would never back down on YOUR opinion, and how he adored YOU for all YOUR convictions.
DATE goes to hold MINGYU's hand. He almost flinches away. But that would be rude, so he awkwardly lets them hold on.
It's cruel, but throughout the movie, MINGYU bears it by imagining that it's YOUR hand instead.
INT. CINEMA '76, LOBBY - EARLY EVENING
MINGYU emerges from the movie with DATE. He immediately drops their hand.
MINGYU Hey, uh, I think I was short on change from the cashier. Mind if I go check on that real quick?
DATE Oh, sure. I'll wait for you by the entrance.
MINGYU Thanks.
MINGYU rushes back to the snack bar. YOU'RE nowhere to be found. He checks his watch; YOUR shift has probably ended.
MINGYU (underneath his breath) Damn it.
MINGYU had wanted to explain. He does the next best thing. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and pulls up your contact, which is still your name with a heart emoji. He hasn't changed it after all this time.
He types and retypes several texts. When did you start working at Cinema '76? and You looked good and Can we talk, please? and I wished it was you during the entire two-hour runtime of the film.
In the end, he only sends out an I'm sorry.
MINGYU puts his phone away. He wanders back to DATE, who greets him with a helluva good question; they're looking at the posters for upcoming shows.
DATE (absentmindedly) How do you feel about sequels?
And, again, MINGYU is thinking of YOU.
MINGYU I think they're always worth a shot.
FIN.
#mingyu x reader#kim mingyu x reader#mingyu smau#mingyu imagines#mingyu fluff#svt smau#seventeen smau#svt imagines#seventeen imagines#── ᵎᵎ ✦ mine#── ᵎᵎ ✦ milestone event: svt uni#[ film student mingyu ? my new religion. ]#[ this came to me in one fell swoop idk when the rest will come out but i was sure about THIS ONEEE baby ]#[ @dir.bykmg it seems ive grown quite fond o f u ]
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🍃THE RIVERS EDGE🍃
Just a Noa/Mae drabble I came up with this evening, I might continue it 🤭
@nomae-week-2024
-adult content-
-18+
~
It had been approximately three months. After Mae left Noa that day, she couldn’t stop thinking about him and how she felt protected with him around, wishing she would one day, by coincidence, stumble across him.
She wasn’t really welcome back with the humans due to being immune to the simian flu but still at risk of carrying it. She felt more alone than ever and missed Noa terribly.
She clung onto the symbol that Noa gave to her with one hand as it rested against her chest and held onto the reigns tightly with the other as she travelled on horseback through the forest in the hopes of finding a safe place to settle for the evening.
She took a deep breath and looked up at the trees as she travelled, the golden sun rays shone onto the ground and danced with the movement of the leaves. Looking to her left, she saw the faint sparkle of a river.
Slowing her horse down to a stop and dismounting, she walked over to the riverbank and looked around, listening to the gentle flow of water along with the birds singing. She closed her eyes, and the golden shimmers sparkled onto her face, but she still struggled to shake Noa from her mind.
Unknowingly to Mae, Noa was close by, he dismounted from his horse and looked around, making sure that it was safe to camp out there for the night.
Mae stood up, finally deciding that she wanted to bathe. She began taking off her clothes, unaware of Noa standing not too far away, and he wasn’t aware of her presence yet either.
Noa crouched down and set up his sleeping place, eventually satisfied that it looked comfortable enough, although he wasn’t too fussed about sleeping on hard ground. He smiled with approval but stopped abruptly when he heard rustling not too far from him. Glancing up, his eyebrows quickly lowered when he saw movement. Then, when his eyes finally adjusted, he saw her, the pale skin that seemed to glow in the suns rays.
Mae slowly stepped into the river, her breath quickening with the sudden temperature change, she stood there for a moment to get used to the cold water.
Noa’s eyes widened, he wasn’t sure what to do, if course he was glad to see her. But as he stood completely still and watched, the feelings from when he last saw her came flooding back. Scolding himself that she wasn’t of his kind, he couldnt help but stare for a little too long, it had definitely caught him off guard, but after observing for a while, he finally made the decision to grab his blanket from his saddle and walk over to her. Was it a mistake? He didn’t know, didn't exactly care either. He just wanted to get a better look.
Mae sank lower and lower into the river until all that was showing was her head, she hummed softly with relaxation. Unknowingly to her, Noa slowly edged closer, his eyes narrowing with curiosity as he watched her lean back and close her eyes whilst the gentle lapping of water covered her.
Noa reached the waters edge and crouched down. A feeling quickly came over him that he had never felt before, and the faint sound of his intrigued grunts escaped his throat.
As he laid the blanket onto the grass for Mae to step out onto, his eyes never left her. Tilting his head, he was completely mesmerised and not able to break away from the urge of wanting to see more of her. he couldn’t help it. His eyes narrowed to try and get a better look, but the waters shimmers made it impossible for him to see the details on her chest.
Mae opened her eyes slowly, and the suns brightness made her squint. Sitting up and giving her eyes time to adjust until she could see clear enough, she looked at the riverbank and noticed the blanket that Noa had laid out. Smiling, she instantly realised it was his, and stepped out onto the bank.
Noa stood with his back against a tree, his mind racing. Experiencing this feeling he had never felt before made him question a lot of things, causing him to let out an irritated sigh. He didn’t look at her, not once. He was lost in wondering why he felt these certain feelings towards her. Scrunching up his nose and repeating the phrase;
“She is... a human”
Mae looked at him as she dried herself the best she could with the blanket. She walked over to her horse and began putting on her clothes until Noa cleared his throat, making her pause.
“she is... beautiful” he said, still looking away from her.
“Huh?” She spun around to face him, raising a brow.
His gaze darted from left to right until he finally composed himself enough to ask “you are... camping here, too?”.
Mae nodded but was in shock. She had wanted to see him again for so long but could only manage to gawk at him with, was he taller than before? She could see from his side that he was wearing more feathers underneath his arm cuff.
Walking closer to him, she had the realisation that she was naked, but Noa was an ape. He surely wouldn’t care, right?
“I thought I smelt too terrible to be around, Noa?” She taunted.
He smirked as his green eyes cautiously trailed in her direction but still unable to look directly at her “You bathed... there is... an excuse”
He turned to face her, and seeing her uncovered caused him to hold his breath. It almost made him want to pounce on her there and then. He wondered what this feeling was. Why did he feel this way for a human? He turned away and wrinkled his nose, trying to shake it off.
Mae turned and picked up her clothes, leaving Noa to his instinct but unknowingly to her, it was growing too strong for him, he glanced up at her body and the sudden vision of him pinning her to a tree and biting onto her collarbone sent him into a spin. He shook his head quickly, trying to snap himself out of it.
“So why are you out here?” Mae asked, but was startled when she turned back around and bumped into him. Noa had moved closer to her without her knowledge.
She looked up at him and saw his emerald eyes staring down at her. Before she could speak, the fur on his torso brushed off of her bare breasts, causing her to shudder. She gulped uncontrollably and dropped her clothes, wondering if it was really happening.
Mae knew that this fantasy had been swirling around her mind for such a long time, but now, the feeling she had was almost too much.
Noa kept his eyes on her “you are... beautiful” he spoke in a low gravelly whisper.
Mae didn’t reply, she stood there holding her breath and staring up at him and feeling his hand touch softly against hers, she knew that it was dangerous, but now hearing him growl as he leaned closer to her made her realise that he felt the exact same way for her.
#kingdomoftheplanetoftheapes#kingdom of the planet of the apes#planetoftheapes2024#planet of the apes#apesmovies#noamae#Noa x Mae#noa planet of the apes#noa pota#mae planet of the apes#MaePOTA#short fanfic#fanfiction#ship fic#nomaeweek#nomae
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let me offer some subtle foreshadowing for this oneshot :)
that headcanon was made to be written for dofp/70s!logan cause those kitty ears do be voluminous, but feel free to insert whichever logan you prefer!
tags/warnings: 18+ — afab!reader (no pronouns/gendered language), oral sex (reader receiving), munch!logan, explicit language, fingering, teasing, use of “baby” once, edging, light biting (let me know if anything was missed!).
Logan is ever the perfect example of a walking contradiction.
A rough voice but gentle words. A soft touch but purposeful fingers. A guarded nature but a caring heart.
He juxtaposes himself. Every characteristic, every feature, has a partner in crime that shows you his versatility as a person and as something more.
The full, styled tufts of his hair graze the inside of your thighs with every deep lick up your slit.
Your legs rest over his bare shoulders while your heels slide up and down his back in restless pleasure; you have to dispel the tension in your muscles somehow.
“You’re shaking, baby,” Logan mumbles against your clit, readjusting the grip he has wrapped around the tops of your thighs.
He’s got you locked down. His hands slid along your hips and around to the top of each thigh, peeling them apart and keeping you tight against his hungry mouth. You couldn’t move in the slightest even if you tried. And you’ve tried.
A light gasp is ripped from you as his lips catch your clit. “It’s j-just, ah, a lot,” you breathe, eyes fuzzy with bliss.
Everything between Logan’s warm tongue to the ends of his hair brushing up against the tender skin along your thighs has introduced your body to new lengths of perception its never experienced before.
He’s been toying with you for half an hour. Half an hour of fleeting kisses, firm licks, and harsh sucks to your clit with the occasional finger or two pumping slowly inside you to back you away from the edge you’ve been chasing.
He’d take his mouth off of you, slipping his index or middle finger, or both, inside you as a reprieve; it would calm your impending orgasm but still keep you excited enough to soak his fingers for the few minutes he’d be pumping them into you.
You think he’d be able to get off on the sound of your cunt swallowing his fingers alone—a subtle squelching that puts just how desperate you are on display.
Logan pulls away from your pussy, turning to smear wet, messy kisses along the inside of your left thigh—this does nothing to soothe your aching cunt. If anything, it makes it worse. Feeling him right there but not where you want him.
“You want a break?” He asks, still scattering kisses while he loosens his grip on you, rubbing his hands comfortingly around your hips. You grab two of his fingers and squeeze them in your grip lovingly.
You arch into the touch slightly with a protesting groan. You don’t have the energy to lift your head to meet his playful hazel eyes, so you speak to the ceiling. “No—keep going. It hurts,”
Everything is on fire. Everything is throbbing. Your cunt is sore, tired of the teasing, but you want more of it. You want to drip through his sheets, coat his tongue, and feel the tips of his hair caress the sensitive skin inside your thighs.
“Mhm, I know, I know.” He gently nips at the skin adjacent to your cunt along the crevice of your thigh, not trying to break skin or leave a mark.
Your swollen clit gladly welcomes his clever tongue back. He gives three broad strokes before sliding down to your hole, lightly prodding it in quick motions that makes the tip of his nose bump against your clit.
“Ah, fuck. Fuck,” you whine, nearly wanting to start kicking against his back.
He buries his face so deep in you that his hair brushes your thighs with each keen mouthful of your pussy. Up, down, up, down.
You barely hear his moans over your own, but you know they’re there. You can feel them. They travel right through you—they vibrate against your clit—and you start clenching around nothing.
You want to clamp your thighs together, but his strong hands keep you open, and there’s nothing you can do but take it.
It’s a whole different level of euphoria when you aren’t able to control your pleasure. Logan knows that, and he likes to abuse that knowledge.
Your lungs can’t seem to get enough air to make up for how fast Logan’s stealing it from you with every stroke of his tongue.
He wraps his warm lips entirely around your clit, sucking just enough for your muscles to tense as he flicks the bud soothingly with the tip of his tongue.
You’re basically crying out with every exhale, wrapped up in tingling, sharp pleasure that has your lower body burning and every part of your cunt begging for relief.
“Oh, please. Please, please, please,” you chant, sliding a hand through his hair and grabbing a handful to anchor yourself.
He grunts, giving a hard roll of his tongue that has you coming on his sheets.
Thankfully, Logan doesn’t push you any further, even if he likes to most of the time. He gives mercy to your cunt, removing his mouth but letting a curious finger slide along your slit and down to your hole to feel how much cum he’ll get out of you.
He pushes in an inch or so, feeling your walls fluttering and pulsing.
You might be numb down there now. You nor your body acknowledge his wandering finger.
You lay with your eyes closed as you try to control your rapid heartbeat. A careful hand glides up along your side to your chest before stopping at the base of your neck.
You crack your eyes open to see Logan leaning beside you, gaze tracing down your quivering body.
“Nice work,” you say, a satisfied smirk pulling at your lips.
He raises a brow. “You do something long enough…you get good at it.” He shrugs, matching your wicked smirk.
A hundred-something years of experience, you remind yourself.
He lets himself fall on top of you, his damp facial hair chafing against your throat as he presses firm kisses along your jaw in praise.
Two fingers press into your cheek, turning your head towards his. You let your neck roll to the side.
His lips catch your own. You let him work your mouth open, tasting the remnants of your cum as he drags his tongue over yours enthusiastically.
“I’m so fucking hard right now,” he says against your lips, giving you a rather forceful kiss before you have to pull yourself away to laugh.
Logan is someone that will always give you both sides of himself—hard and soft, rough and gentle, stern and loving.
You feel very lucky to get it all.
#oh we’re SO BACK#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett smut#wolverine smut#xmen smut#xmen x reader#wolverine imagines#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x you#wolverine x you#logan howlett fanfiction#marvel smut#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman smut#dofp!logan x reader#70s!logan x reader#long post
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what did you make of the scene where caitlyn hits vi ? the timing of the blow was so unexpected to me…she was kinda steadying herself and then WHAM. What was going through her head ? Was she making some kind of decision ? Mind still reeling that she chose (?) to gut punch Vi to signal the end of their relationship.
well, i dont exactly know what made her make this decision. it looks like a momentary lashout based on rage. i think her rage comes from a place of betrayal, so she wants to make vi as hurt as that betrayal feels.
i actually think the "misunderstanding" thats happening here is very well written. clearly we as the audience see that caitlyn is becoming more and more unhinged. vi sees it as well. caitlyn might have missed the shot and killed a kid- her composure at that moment was very much shaken. most people, given this scenario, would choose to opt out. so to us, caitlyn being so insistent feels callous and irretional. which, it is. but lets look at it from caitlyn's perspective.
so, caitlyn feels a lot of guilt about the fact she didnt shoot jinx back at the dinner table. its very well established. she mainly blames herself, but i think a small subconscious part of her also blames vi- vi is the one who got her to hesitate, after all. the fact that she "messed up" last time and that caused so much grief and pain not only to herself, but to the 2 cities, makes her EXTREMELY determined to NEVER make that mistake again.
vi told caitlyn to not bring back up, so basically, theyre each other's only support. caitlyn agreed, that means that to her she put 100% of her trust in vi to help here and to have her back. vi told her, my sister is gone. when u have the chance, take the shot. caitlyn is convinced theyre on the same page here. so when vi turns on her, shes in utter disbelief, and she starts questioning whenever vi ever had HER best interest in mind.
thats why i think caitlyn is so obsessed with bringing up the idea of who's "side" vi is on. you could read it as "piltover vs zaun" but i think what she means is "me vs jinx". at the dinner party caitlyn didnt shoot because of vi, and she wonders whether or not the girl she sacrificed everything for would do the same for her.
and at that moment, after she missed her shots, again, because of vi, she comes to the realization that vi would never choose her over jinx. and she flips out.
now. thats how CAITLYN sees it, im pretty sure. we know there are other things at play that have affected vi's decision, and that caitlyn currently is not seeing the bigger picture. but that's what i think she felt that drew this severe of a reaction from her.
#maybe vi will choose u in the end caitlyn#but for now vi remains as uncertain as ever#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane#asks#caitlyn kiramman#and no i dont believe caitlyn believes vi that its about the kid#she thinks its a smoke screen
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A muted shade of green ✧ Chapter 7: The end of beginnings
genre: angst, fluff, a lot of introspection
word count: 9743 (MY GOD IT'S A LONGER CHAPTER)
pairing: reader x spencer reid
description: you and spencer finally give into the tension that's been growing between you, but what happens now?
a muted shade of green masterlist
previous chapter // next chapter
This chapter I'm dedicating to @chicaconfundidaycuriosa who makes my day with her hypothesis in the comments <3 thank you all for your support throughout this series!
“You do it.”
“No!” You gasp, shaking your head so fast you feel like your brain is shaking too. “You do it!”
“Your entire job is about people, you do it.” He insists, gently nudging you forward, but you don’t bulge. “Y/N, come on, it’s not that scary!”
“I’m not scared, I just hate talking on the phone! You wouldn’t know what’s that like, since you barely use yours.”
“And now you’re diverging,” He giggles, pushing the phone over the counter to you once again.
It has been almost thirty minutes of this and that is not really how you imagine spending your morning after all that had happened last night. For a moment there, Spencer’s voice fades to the background and all you can focus on are those beautiful, pink lips. Now that you know how they feel– the perfect balance of chapped roughness and natural softness; not now that you know how he tastes, something so naturally Spencer and minty toothpaste; not now that you know how he sounds when he whispers for more, more more. Not now, not ever.
Took you both some time to come down from the absolute high of acting like teenagers. What had started like a sweet, slow kiss, quickly turned into what teenagers would refer to ‘making out’, and suddenly you two were a little hurricane of hands, lips, and tangles bodies trying to make it to the room. The feeling of his hands on your waist, tugging you closer, pushing you down– “Y/N?”
Your cheeks explode in a fiery red shade when you realise he’s caught you daydreaming.
Again.
“Yeah?” Shaking your head slightly, look down at the phone being pushed between you two.
“Are you going to call her?”
To be fair, you haven’t really explained everything to him considering how… distracted… you were last night. And then this morning. And even now, mind going not so far away from the kitchen to the room, where absolutely nothing had happened last night. Absolutely. Nothing. Frustration settled after a while, a thrumming hum in the back of your head that never really let you fall asleep. It was only natural that after so long craving this, you had been excited at the thought of finally letting it happen, of allowing yourself to enjoy a moment that had meant as much in your dreams as it did in real life… but then you two made it to the bed. And you laid down. And suddenly, the underlying need behind every push and pull of his perfect lips against yours started to fade, and his hands that explored your body oh so eagerly started to slow down, and before you could say anything, he was backtracking to forehead kisses and getting up to brush his teeth.
Like it had been just another day.
Just another kiss.
“I don’t want to,” You whisper back, eyes wide in a vulnerable state that has nothing to do with Abigail or the fact that you are about to hire her to take care of your store.
This is not even about last night.
This is about this morning.
This is about the fact that when you woke up, he wasn’t there. His side of the bed was tussled, and the pillows were thrown around, but Spencer was missing. For a moment, your heart sinks. You scramble around the bed, feeling out his side, searching for something, anything, that would give into your dwindling hope of last night not having been a dream, because god knows how many dreams you’ve had of him. But then you hear it, the sound of the shower running and the light humming of a man who has not a single musical bone in his body, and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.
Then it downs on you. It wasn’t a dream. Spencer kissed you last night, that’s a fact. And now he’s about to come out of the bathroom and you refuse to let the first thing he sees, on such a special morning, be this messy hair, panicked face version of yourself. The way you roll out of bed, rushed to the point of tripping on the blankets and falling on your knees with a hiss, is enough to have you laughing at yourself. Your cheeks blush when you think of facing him so early in the day and despite the excitement of it all, you are nervous. What will he say? What will he do?
Making breakfast seems like a great way to ease your overthinking mind of any incoming anxieties, and it’s a simple matter of action and reaction.
Action, breaking the eggs over the hot pan. Reaction, frying some eggs. Action, putting the bread in the toaster. Reaction, getting some toast to eat with your eggs. Action–
“Good morning.” Action, Spencer comes out of the shower.
“Good morning,” You call back, looking down at the pan with such an obsessions you barely notice him stopping behind you.
You do notice his hands landing on your waist, though, and when he turns you around, you can smell the fresh scent of his minty soap he loves so much. His smile calms you a little, and he leans forward, coming down, down, down… until his lips touch your forehead. “Slept well?” He mumbles, reaching behind you for a toast and then walking away to grab his bag from wherever he hid it. Blinking, you can’t even answer his question. Is he fucking teasing you or is he serious?
Safe to say, you don’t really speak up then nor later, and that’s how you two end up where you are, sitting in front of each other in a stupid battle over who calls who.
“Why don’t you want to call her?”
Eyes cast down, almost in shame, you shrug. “I…” How do you explain it to him without sounding crazy? “I don’t know, Spence. She makes me feel… weird. Like she knows something I don’t.”
“Oh sweetheart,” His nice words can’t hide the smile on his face. “It’s just change. And you’re human, Y/N, which means you naturally don’t like change. But it’s okay, I promise. You already asked Garcia to dig as deep as she could and nothing came up as suspicious. You also refuse to entertain the idea of hiring your second choice because you said, and I quote, ‘he grabbed a book with greasy hands.’ So, this is pretty much the only option you have.”
Great. Instead of a kiss that you crave, you get the dose of reality check you deserve. “Thank you, Spencer,” You grumble, the irony of your words not missing the spot when his smile falters. You grab the phone to dealing the number you’ve been avoiding for so long, but you stop before pressing call. “Fuck.”
“Y/N–“ The magic of last night is gone when his phone rings and you know he has to go.
“Go,” You whisper, patting his shoulder with dejection. At this point, the morning is ruined and, to be very honest, he is partially at fault.
A kiss is not something you would consider casual. You know a lot of people do, and that’s okay; you don’t mind about how other people live their lives. You do, however, care about what Spencer thinks and does, and in your books, kissing you and then ignoring it the next day is simply not acceptable. But then you sit with it for a while, and your brain starts whirring up. Usually, when you open your eyes, the sun is barely up and Spencer’s breathing is regular enough to keep your head going up and down, up and down, up and down. The more you two cuddle, the more you realise you love the sound of his heartbeat– you were yet to see him hurt, but you’ve heard enough stories from past cases that now, whenever you got that little extra confirmation that he is okay, you feel a sense of relief that you can’t really explain. Yet, that morning, when you finally make sense of what the fuck was happening without the your usual warm body next to you, you don’t feel relief. You don’t feel anything, to be very honest, because for a moment, your blood turns cold at the idea that Spencer might have woken up and regretted it all.
“I feel like I shouldn’t,” He frown, cocking his head to the side in that way that makes you think he’s about to tell you something about yourself that you’ve never asked. “Y/N–“ “Go to work, Spencer,” You repeat yourself before pressing ‘call’. The phone in your ear is enough to keep him from trying to chase you. “Abigail? Hi! This is Y/N, from the bookstore… Yes. Yes, and from the uh, from the building. I’m calling with good news– you seem like the perfect person for the position. You– oh, no, no, it’s okay, you don’t have to bring me anything, it’s fine!”
This is the last thing you need– Abigail and her nosy nature. “What’s going on?” Spencer I next to you and his mouth is so close to your ear you shiver a little when he speaks.
“Abigail, please, I’m about to go out and– oh, no, my… Spence is going to work. Thank you for offering to bake a cake but I’ll just se you at work, okay? Alright. Yeah, okay, thank you! I’ll be sending you a follow up email with all the information for next steps. Thank you! Have a good day! Bye!”
“Y/N, did Abigail do something to make you uncomfortable?” His hands on your shoulder that hold you at arms length are starting to annoy you. Now he didn’t even want you close? There is more to it and you know it. Above all, you’re not completely illogical, but your brain is working overtime and your heart is hurting, and now every little thing Spencer does will be an issue.
Fed up with it all, you stomp your feet and walk away. “Go to work, Doctor Reid!” The impetuous way you huff as you turn around and slam the door of his room shut has him gasping, and you can hear if from where you stand, embarrassed by yourself and your ridiculous, childish behaviour. Still, you refuse to go back out there until you’re sure you’ve heard the door closing behind him.
“Fuck me,” You mutter after you sit there in your own silence. The apartment doesn’t feel the same as it used to anymore. It’s not a matter of coming in and watering his plants anymore. You don’t just walk around looking for clues from the scattered books in his apartment anymore. You actually know things now. You know parts of his life that he had to tell you, parts that you didn’t have to guess, and it actually felt good— he was opening up out of his own volition and now you’ve ruined everything. Maybe you got greedy. Maybe you got greedy for his welcoming arms and whispered pet names. Maybe it all felt too good, and, just like Icarus, you might have flown too close to the sun, and now you are falling, wings melted and ruined.
Before you know it, you’re already dialling your mom’s number.
“Mom?” You are sitting on the floor, legs pulled to your chest with a ridiculous pout on your lips, and from the way she laughs on the other side of the line, you think she can hear it.
“Well, look who it is,” She teases. It’s easy to picture her face when she says that. You two have made a dance out of it, this whole loving sarcasm thing, and she always go first. Naturally, you just follow her lead. “My daughter who forgot I exist.”
“Aw,” You smile, shaking your head in amusement. “Is this my mother? The one who knows how pick up the phone and dial my number if she wants to talk to me?”
You two laugh for a while before she speaks again. “I’m serious, sweetheart, I’ve missed you. I haven’t seen your face in a while and… and your dad misses you too, you know?” The slight sniffle on the other side of the line breaks your heart a little.
“I miss him too,” You whisper, voice a bit too soft for her not to notice.
“Y/N, is something wrong? Did something happen?” It’s no surprise your mom panics quickly when it comes to you, specially after everything that happened in New York. “Is it Josh? Did he find you?”
God, how it hurts that she even has to worry about that. “No, no, it’s not Josh, it’s…” You are yet to tell her about Spencer. And not in the context of this entire situation with Cat, but about Spencer as the wonderful human he is. About his quirks and his love for books and his chess addiction and… and the fact that he has your heart in the palm of his hands and you’re scared. You’re so scared. “I met someone.”
Her gasp has your eyes shutting– it’s so nostalgic, that noise of motherly surprise, that you can’t help but bask in it. Growing up, you had always been very close to your mother, enjoying days out together on Sundays and always trusting her to keep your secrets safe from the world. She was your biggest fan, too; supported you on everything you did, cheered from you from the sidelines of every game you wanted to try, helped you convince your dad to let you go to parties you never enjoyed. Never had she unfairly punished you, never had she betrayed your trust, never had she treated you with anything but love and pride. Hiding things from her is hard, possibly one of the hardest things you have ever done, and you hate how easy it’s becoming to deflect her questions and ignore her comments, because truly, all you want to do on days like this, where your heart hurts and your spirits dwindle, is to go to her and cry. Is that too much to ask?
“Tell me about this person,” She immediately shuffles around and you picture her in the same living room you’ve grown up reading book after book. If you have to guess, she has her usual coffee mug next to her, an addiction you blame her for passing onto you, and she’ll throw the old knitted blanket she’s so proud of making over her legs.
“Well, his name is Spencer–“
“Spencer is a good name!” She whispers to herself and you smile.
“It is,” You agree, stretching your legs in front of you and wiggling your toes, glad to be distracted by anything and everything that gets your mind off of last night. “He is a good guy. My favourite customer, actually. That’s uh, that’s how we met.”
“At the store? That is adorable!”
“Yeah, he reads… a lot,” That is the understatement of the century. “He was my first client when I opened up, and we kind of became friends and gotten closer. Then I kind of, uh, started apartment sitting for him, whenever he was away at work and we just–“
“Oh, what’s the apartment like?”
“It’s… beautiful,” You mumble, looking around with a small smile playing on your lips. “The walls are this pretty shade of green and it’s really cozy? Books all around. I like it here.”
“Here?” Oh no. “Wait, are you at his house right now?”
“Yeah,” You mumble, picking the lose threads on the socks you borrowed, one blue and the other purple with polkadots. For the life of you, you couldn’t find matching pairs in his sock drawer. “I’ve been here a lot, lately.”
“Is he out of town?”
“No.” The silence that follows speaks volume, and for the first time ever, you realise that your mom might not be just worried. She scared, too; for the daughter she saw so happy one day and then moving cities the next. “Mom?”
“I– I’m happy for you, sweetie,” Her words are kind, but the edge of hesitation is there. “And you’re not going too fast, right? You said you’ve known him since you opened the store, so that’s a year and something, and–“
The assumption that you are repeating the same mistake you’ve make with Josh annoys you. You’re not the same person you used to be, you’re not like that anymore– needy and blinded by love and all the shinny things it brought you. You’ve come a long way since then, and you know your mother recognises that, you do but… but you’re still embarrassed. Embarrassed about who you were. About who you loved. It’s a bit ridiculous, how whenever one of your parents bring him up, you immediately raise your defences, walls coming up so high you can’t even see over the green field of life that awaits you on the other side.
“Mom,” You wince when your voice comes out a bit too harsh. “Sorry. Mom, I’m fine. We’re… nothing. I’m here because… because a pipe burst in my apartment and he was kind enough to let me stay at his place.”
“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to– I mean, I’m glad you have someone to help you out when we’re so far away.”
“I wish you guys were here,” You whisper, slowly getting up to move to the living room. You immediately sit down in the armchair, grabbing your blanket and covering yourself. If you couldn’t hug your mom, this would have to do. “You’d love him.”
“Yeah? Is he handsome?”
“So handsome,” You giggle, and it’s an instinct, looking to the side table in search of that familiar frame of Spence and his team at a fancy dinner. You love his smile when he’s happy, so wide and taut that it almost looks like he has too much emotion in proportion to his body. “And he’s so kind, mom. He’s kind, and gentle, and oh so smart. A genius, really.”
“Of course he has to be a genius to keep up with you and the hundreds of books you read in a year,” Her reply is comical when you think about it. The idea of Spencer having trouble keeping up with you, and not the other way around, makes you laugh. “So why do you sound so sad, if he’s such a great guy? He’s treating you good, right?”
“He treats me amazingly, it’s just that… we kissed last night.”
“And it was bad?” Her teasing makes your shoulder relax enough until you are melting onto the chair. “That’s why you’re sad?”
“Mom! No!” Cringing, you hug the throw pillow closer. “It was great. Amazing, even! It’s just that it was our first kiss and then this morning he just… didn’t do it again.”
“Oooohhh, I see what’s going on,” She chuckles. “You expected him to talk about this and he didn’t, did he?”
“How do you know?”
“Because you dad was the same way–“
“Oh gross, no, no, no!” You refuse to fall onto this freudian trap. “I’m not dating my dad!”
“Wait, so you guys are dating? Is this you telling me you have a boyfriend?!”
“No!” Groaning, you know you’re between a rock and a hard place. There is no escape anymore, and you have to come clean. “I don’t know! We kissed, but then he didn’t talk about it this morning and he just left like nothing happened, and and– and yesterday, he didn’t even say he likes me! I’m too old to be on this whole will-they-won’t-they thing, mom! I need verbal confirmation!”
“Well, have you asked him? Or told him how you feel? Or tried to start a conversation?”
Squinting at the phone, you huff, incredulous at her insinuation. Her correct insinuation. “Mother! Whose side are you on?”
“Always yours,” Your mother laughs. “Which is why I’m saying talk to him. If he won’t start the conversation, do it yourself. I raised an independent young woman, and this is the perfect time to prove it.”
You wait a second before sighing. “I’m scared.”
“Of what, sweetie?”
“Of everything. Of what happened before. Of it happening again.”
“Y/N,” Your mother say and suddenly you think you’re about to get scolded through the phone. “You can’t be afraid of your future because of one mistake you made in the past, sweetheart. I– I’m sorry we didn’t notice. I’m your mother, I should’ve noticed, I should’ve said something, and I’m never going to make that mistake ever again. So I’m saying something now. You haven’t sounded this excited about pretty much anything in a while. You… You sound like how you used to be. But better.”
“Mom,” There is no one to witness the way your lower lip trembles at her words. Back then, you thought you were doing a good job keeping your parents safe from it all– you thought you were good at hiding the tiredness with makeup and the miserable tone of your voice with sweet high pitched laughter. None of your parents ever talked about what was happening, either. They didn’t ask questions like how your mom does now; they didn’t see past the beautiful necklaces, the pretty dresses, and the important parties. They were blinded, much like you were, with the fake promises of a happiness that never came. And now here you are, scared out of your mind to jump into this again, and yet, everything fades away when your mom guarantees you she’ll never let this happen again. As grown as you are, nothing reassures you more than your mom– your biggest fan and your biggest protector.
“I’m scared too,” She whispers, like she’s telling you her biggest secret. “I’m scared my baby will hurt again and I won’t be there to help. I’m scared I’ll never be able to visit. I’m scared about a lot of things when it comes to you, sweetie. But I prefer to focus on the silver linings.”
Ah. So that’s where you get if from. “And what are the silver linings here?”
“You being you,” It’s as simple as that for her. “And that’s all I really want.”
For about an hour, you two stay on the phone, chitchatting about the randomise things. It’s no secret that you miss New York– the bustle of people, the endless lights, the pollution and its grey hue in the air. God, you miss it a lot, but what you miss the most is the ease of everything. Moving around is quick, whatever you need you just need to turn the corner and a deli will surely have it, and, above all, whenever you want to see your mom and dad, all you have to do is take the express from the Upper east side down to Midtown and you’re there. You’re at the same small apartment you grew up in, the same brick walls, the same loud neighbours, hell, even your room still looked the same as you left it! But that’s not what you need right now, even though you would love to see your old room with such new eyes… what you need is that feeling of warmth spreading through your chest when it dawns on you that you are home.
“Mom, I have to go,” You finally say. “But let’s talk more often, okay? I miss you and dad a lot.”
“We miss you too, sweetie. I love you.”
“Love you too,” Hanging up the phone is harder than you expected it to be, but you don’t have a lot of time to suffer in silence.
Spencer is a man who naturally avoids all forms of technology. He is not the biggest fan of computers and cellphones, and whenever he texts you or calls you, you feel like you’re winning in life. You’re the exception to his firm, firm rule. But for work purposes, he had explained, he had to be reachable at all hours, meaning Spencer has something you haven’t see in ages– a landline phone. When it starts ringing, that nostalgic loud, shriek of a ring that never fails to make you feel like you’re about to have a heart attack.
Instinctually, you reach for it as if you are the one expecting a call. It would be so easy to just pick up the phone and say Dr. Reid’s residence, how may I help you? Yet, you don’t. You stop yourself just as the tips of your fingers touch the phone and you pull back. This is exactly what happened last time– a box for him and the consequences ending up being yours to face. Since then, you’d like to think you’ve grown smarter, and so you let it go to voicemail.
“Hello, Dr. Reid, this is Nurse Kenny from Bennington Sanitarium. I’m calling about your mother.”
Somehow, this still feels like facing the consequences for something you didn’t do.
—————————————
In your defence, you did try calling Penelope before panicking. You called her, you called Spencer, you even called the BAU hotline in a feverish desperation to reach your boy wonder. All the hurt from that morning, all the pain and the insecurities immediately fly out the window as soon as the nurse hangs up with a final call me when you can.
“Fucking hell,” You push your way through the crowd trying to make out of the subway station, everyone rushing through the steps to finally be set free in the loud streets of Washington, and if it was any other day, you might have taken the time to enjoy it. The sun is high, the air is cold, and the smell of coffee reaches you almost instantly.
But there is not time to be happy when all you can think about is Spencer– his face crumpling up in that way it does whenever it goes uncharacteristically serious, his brows furrowed in worry, his hands frozen in place like the rest of his body. It kills you being the deliverer of bad news. It’s something you have always tried to avoid, ever since you were a tiny little girl and you had to tell your friends that no, you didn’t like My Little Ponies and then later on that also no, you didn’t want to go to that party. The disappointment in their faces always makes you crumble, give in, give up, anything to see them smile again.
This time around, you can’t do that. You can’t give up, or tell him something he wants to listen to instead. This has to do with his family, and you don’t know anything about his family– so you know they mean a lot to him. Oddly enough, it’s one of his little weird habits that you find the most endearing; for someone that talks a lot, when it comes to the people he loves, Spencer doesn’t talk at all. Maybe this is the price to pay to work at the BAU… when the most despicable and inhumane people in the world know his name, he has to do everything in his power to not let them find out any other.
“Ma’am, where do you think you are going?!” The security guard approaching you is, to say the least, terrifying. You forget that you have to sign up, so uses to walking in with Officer Kaper and his badge, except this time around, you didn’t have time to call him. You did everything Spencer told you not to do, and he will lecture you on it later, you just know he will, though you don’t really care about it, as long as he talks to you after this, you don’t care about what words come out of his mouth.
Because sure, it was an accident– listening to the nurse’s message was an accident– but you still did it. There is no hiding it, you did it and my god, you feel terrible about it. Feels like something akin to looking through his phone while he is in the shower, close to searching through his letters at home, similar to reading through the annotations in his books. This is private. It wasn’t enough to be living at his apartment? Sleeping in his bed, stealing his clothes? You also had to go ahead and listen to his private messages? “I’m here to see Dr. Spencer Reid,” You say, lower lip trembling at the thought of a possible confrontation with this man. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but it’s urgent, I need to see him, I need to talk to Spence, he’s not picking up his phone and–“
“Do you have a form of identification? You have to sign in,” When he takes a step closer, you immediately shrink back, shoulders hunching forward in a tense attempt to cover yourself from his eyes.
“Of course, yes, I’ll… sign in, but can you– I’m so sorry, but can you call Penelope Garcia? She is the BAU’s tech analyst, I think. She has a lot of computers and–“
“Get in line.”
It’s an order more than a request, and you consider telling him to fuck off. Your nerves are high and you feel a sense of urgency that you have only felt one time before in your entire life– and that was when you moved to D.C. The thing no one tells you about signing in into the FBI is that is practically impossible. People like to think that all you need is a government issued ID, and technically, they are right– there is nothing else you can provide them other than you driver’s license, but the hoops they have to go through to grant you access add another ten minutes or so onto the wait that is already killing you.
Until the clerk says, “Here you go, ma’am,” And gives you your visitor’s pass like it’s nothing.
Like it doesn’t hold the weight of the world for you then, as you shove it into that stupid guard’s face and runs to the far left end of the hallway. At this point, you’ve been at the building enough times to know how to get upstairs, but despite the faint familiarity of it all, you continue to feel displaced and singled out whenever those beige walls surround you. Your oversized cream sweater is like a beacon of light in such a dim office, but it serves its purpose to keep you warm against the powerful air conditioner in there. How Spencer gets anything done under those circumstances, you don’t know, but the shivers travelling up and down your arms are enough to keep you alert and on the look out for the most likely presence to see– your favourite bright pink, bleached blonde geek.
“Excuse me, can I help you?” He’s wearing a suit, much like the ones Agent Hotchner wears and you have to hold back tears. It’s all very intimidating, knowing that at any point one of these people could find you suspicious and start asking you questions.
“Uh, y-yeah, I guess you can,” Clearing your throat, your hand squeeze the shoulder of your bag tighter, and when his eyes move to look at the slight movement, you know he’s a part of the BAU. You know he’s reading you like Spence does. “I need to find Dr. Spencer Reid,” Saying his full name still feels odd to you. “Could you maybe tell me where he is?”
“Oh? Reid?” This expression you know– surprise. “Are you his girlfriend or something?”
“His girlfr– I uh– I mean, I–“ It takes a moment for you to realise that if you say no, then you have to explain to this stranger what you really are to Dr. Reid, and that is a can of worms you rather not open right now, so instead of being honest like you always try to be, you blush and nod. “I uh, yeah. I am.”
“Oh wow!” His genuine shock to the news ticks you off a little. It’s not all that crazy that Spencer would have a girlfriend, considering his charming awkwardness and his bright, beautiful smile. “He never mentioned a girlfriend before, I didn’t–“
“Is he here or not?!” You kind of shriek, widening your eyes in hopes to make him pity you enough to move on with this a bit faster.
“No, he isn’t. I think his team just left for the tarmac, they got a case in this morning and–“
His voice fades to the background easily, your anxiety peaking through with that annoying ringing in your ear. Spencer left to another state and didn’t call you. Logically, you know that his job and his feelings for you, however good or bad they might be, are not connected. Logically, it is easy to make that distinction. However, you are not a logical person all the time. You are not a genius like he is, and sometimes, you let your heart lead; you let your emotions take over like a tsunami inside of you, crashing and crashing and crashing, until you are nothing but a crumble of what you once was.
You are ready, too. Ready to give up and delay the inevitable until the nurse can reach him directly, until you’re not the one having to panic, until he can deal with this personally. Consider it an addictive habit of a you of many moons ago, a Y/N who let things go to protect herself and avoid unnecessary confrontation. Confronting Josh was never the best option, so you had to come up with strategies. Plans, schemes, lies. You hate that you’ve become good at those, hate that all the work you’ve done to leave those behind is now at risk, but something deep inside of you can’t let this go.
Something that you know very well is the need to make Spencer proud. The need to be there for him after all the times he was there for you. It’s your time to be the hero.
“Call Hotchner.”
There is a harshness in your voice that is very much planted there. The same goes for the twitch of your brows, the bite to the inside of your cheek, the averting gaze to the floor. It’s time to tell the story the profiler wants to read, and you double down when you let out an exasperated sigh, pushing your disheveled hair back. “I need you to call Hotchner and get Spencer back here right now.”
You shouldn’t want to laugh with how he fumbles with his phone, quickly dealing the boss’ number, but all amusement is gone when he mumbles something about an Spencer’s girlfriend and passes the phone to you. “He wants to talk to you.”
“Oh god… hello?” You say, voice wobbling a little.
“Miss Y/L/N?” In the background, you can hear some chatter and nothing else. Are they in the jet already? Have you failed? “Is everything alright? Why are you in the office?”
“I am truly sorry, sir,” You gulp down, glancing at the man in a silent request for some privacy. “But I need to speak to Spencer. He is not answering his phone and it’s an emergency. Penelope wasn’t answering either, so I thought I could come find her, but SSA Greenberg asked me if I needed help and–“
“Is that why you told him you were Spencer’s girlfriend?”
“Family emergency trumps everything,” You explain, the heavy weight of you guilt settling in. For some reason, you think you got Spencer in trouble.
“Miss Y/L/N, is this about your case? We explained that we would have cases alongside–“
“Sir, it’s his mother. I don’t know the details, but there was a call and they asked him to call them back as soon as possible.”
The eery silence that follows has you holding your breath. You are not sure how much his team knows about the intricacies of his personal life, but they surely know more than you do, considering the immediate rustle you hear on the other side of the line.
“We’ve just arrived at the tarmac. I’m sending send Reid and Garcia back to help us from there,” Agent Hotchner says, voice dripping with authority. “Wait for him there. Tell Officer Kaper he will be relived as soon as Reid arrives.”
“Office Kaper is… not here.”
“…We will discuss this later. They should be arriving in twenty.”
“Okay. Okay, good,” You breathe out loudly. “Thank you, sir.”
Once the call ends, once you give SSA Greenberg his phone back and evade all the questions he has about you and Spencer, once you push down the wave of relief that almost makes you fall to the ground… you make your way to Penelope’s office. You need credentials to walk into her lair, it’s not as simple as just opening a door– she is the gatekeeper of all things confidential, and you know not all people are authorised to walk in. The fact that this is the same woman who has invited you over for wine night and got so drunk she couldn’t stop talking about the one time she walked in on Morgan showering is actually insane. The Penelope you know can’t keep a secret for her life, but then again, this is not Penelope’s office. This is Garcia’s lair, and you need to remember that these are fundamentally two different people. Just like Spence and Dr. Reid. JJ and Jennifer. Prentiss and Emily. All of them had managed a level of separation that seemed practically impossible to you, leaving work outside of their homes in a perfectly packed box by the door. It makes you wonder, though, if when he walks out the door to go to the office, he leaves you behind in a box inside.
Compartmentalising is not something you did well. You tried, back when you first arrived in Washington, at the recommendation of your therapist, but you seemed to struggle more than normal. At your core, you believe in honesty, in transparency, and despite everything you’ve been through, you never gave up on yourself, on your core self, not the self you’ve created to appease Josh. Though you did forget about her, for a while. Distracted by your new life, you missed your old self like you miss old high school friends; remembering the good old times but still doing nothing to reach out.
Just like you told your mom, you’re scared it will happen again. That you’ll lose yourself in the beautiful world of Spencer Reid and lose sight of what matters– yourself. You might have learned this way later in life than you should have, but a relationship is a two way road and now you know that. Now, you want to know that, you want Spencer to show you that. There is a kind of romance in how he leaves books for you to read next to the armchair, a certain indication that he knows what you like. A type of care in how he buys the shampoo and conditioner you mentioned you liked one time almost eight months ago. This is where you are trying to meet him at, ordering the rare books he’s so desperate after through your unique contacts. Making him breakfast before work. Unfolding the corners of his books. Even though you express yourself better with words than actions, you don’t miss the way his eyes sparkle a little extra whenever he sees his coffee mug filled up for him first thing in the morning or how he always pretends to be caught off guard when you bring him a surprise book from the store. Spencer can read you like he has been born to do so, and yet, he still played along. For you, he’d always play along.
Which is why, when they found you sitting on the floor next to Garcia’s office, he plays along. “Are you more comfortable there than sitting on my desk?”
His casual tone shocks you a little bit. Scrambling to your feet, you meet him and Penelope halfway. “Spence!” You gasp, hands stretching out to touch him, feel him, ground him, anything. You just need to make sure he is paying attention, the hands on his biceps squeezing it slightly. “Spence, you need to call your mom! Something happened, and I tried calling you guys but you weren’t picking up, so I came here to tell you that you need to call her, you–“
“Y/N,” Spence whispers in that way that makes your heart speeds up. His eyes are stuck to yours, shinning with something you’ve seen before, something you’ve seen last night. “Y/N, my mom is okay. Hotch told me to call her as soon as he sent us back, she’s okay, everything’s been handled. Are you okay? Sweetheart, you’re sweating…”
Garcia’s gasp falls onto deaf ears as you and Spencer lose yourself in each other. “I was nervous,” You mumble, trying to pull away and dab at your forehead, but he’s on it. His hands catch you by the elbow and gently bring you closer into what slowly turns into a hug. “I’m so sorry, Spence, I didn’t mean to listen to the message, I swear I didn’t, I was just there and the machine–“
“I know,” He nods his head distractedly and gently wipes you clammy skin with the wrist of his sweater. “I know, Y/N, you don’t have to apologise. Thank you for coming all the way here to look for me just to tell me to call my mom. I truly appreciate it.”
“Of course I would,” There is something building between you two, a tension very familiar to you now that you’ve been watching it pile on for the past couple of weeks.
For Penelope, though, it is certainly news.
“OH MY GOD!”
Snapped out of the trance of those honeyed eyes, you turn to look at your blonde friend with a pale complexion. “Pen, no–“
“OH MY GOD, YOU TWO BONED!”
“What?! No! Absolutely not!” Spencer takes a step back from you like he’s suddenly troubled by thought of being that close to you, and you can’t really hide how your heart breaks a little at that.
“Yeah… apparently absolutely not,” You repeat, coming back down to your harsh reality since the bubble burst.
“What– What just happened?” She utters, but you don’t really give her a chance to develop her line of thought, grabbing the access card from her hand and swiping it through the reader to unlock her door. “Wait, wait, what–“
“I’ll stay here with Pen,” You say without looking back at Spencer. Your job here is done and until Officer Kaper can come pick you up, you know they won’t let you leave the building. “I’ll call Mike for a ride, so don’t worry about me going back alone. I–“
“He’s not here?” Spencer asks, looking around with that adorable confused frown of his. “Wait, Y/N, did you come here by yourself?! Didn’t we talk about–“
“No Spencer, we didn’t! We didn’t talk about a lot of fucking things, and then you left off this morning like you didn’t want to talk about it and, and, and I was panicking, okay?! You didn’t pick up the phone and I’m a big enough girl to take the subway alone!” Your voice certainly raises enough to have people looking at you two, and your cheeks fire up in embarrassment. You are causing a scene at his workplace, and in your opinion, that is unacceptable. Gulping, you look down, tugging Penelope into her sacred space and closing the door behind you. “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I’m really sorry.”
“Y/N, wait–“ But the door closes midway through his sentence and despite him having access to enter, he knows better than to press on a sore spot.
The worst part is that you kind of want him to. And you hate that part of yourself that wants such a reactive behaviour from this peaceful man. Spencer does plenty to show you he cares, even if he does it in his own quiet, subtle way, and that is enough for you. Fuck, that should be enough for you. Yet somehow, nothing seems to shut up that voice in your head telling you that yes, he is enough… but you aren’t. In your overthinking mind, you know that you are too average for Spencer. You’d never be able to keep up with him, with his spectacular brain and his humble attitude. At best, all you offer him are books, some observations here and there, and a warm body to hug at night. At worst, you’re a burden to a man who already carries the entire world on his shoulder.
“You two?!” Penelope’s dramatic gasp is enough to put a pause on your pity party. “Boy genius and you?!” Scoffing, you sit down on the chair she pulled for you. “I know… sounds ridiculous, right? I mean, the man is a genius and I’m… well-read at best.”
“Oh, no. No, no, no, no, we’re not going there,” Barely does she know you’re already there, that you’ve been there this entire morning. “What happened? Last time we talked, it was a crush and nothing else! And now you and boy wonder are ‘sweetheart’ing each other and the forehead kiss was just so adorable and–“
“We kissed.”
The way it comes out to her, unlike how it did with your mom, is a confession rather than a posing issue. It makes your heart race and your sad face lifts for a second, enough to let a giggle escape. This is what friends are for, and you are happy to be living through this again.
“YOU WHAT?”
“Pen, don’t shout!” You whisper, looking at the door like it’s about to slam open at any second. “What if someone hears?” “Would that matter?” She laughed. “You basically told the biggest gossip in the FBI that you are Spencer’s girlfriend.”
“Oh my god,” You groan. Slowly getting comfortable in your chair, you pull your legs up to your chest and let your head fall on your knee dramatically. “He’s going to hate me.”
“Now why on Earth do you think that? I’m pretty sure Spencer has had wet dreams of you calling him your boyfriend.”
“Penelope!” It’s suddenly way too hot in her office, your entire body flushing instead of just your cheeks. “You are wrong, by the way… He had a whole dinner planned, you know? He was turning his apartment into the perfect date when I got back home, and he was cooking and he looked so good, Pen, so, so, so good and we just– I mean, it just happened! And then…”
Penelope is holding onto your every word, perfectly painted lips biting on her fluffy pink pen. “And then…?” Her wiggly brows are a dead giveaway of where her dirty, dirty mind is going.
“And then, just as we get to the room…” You repeat, leaning forward as if you’re about to tell her the biggest secret of your life, only to deflate right after. “He pulls away, kisses me on the forehead, and goes to sleep.”
“No!”
“Oh yeah,” You sigh, body crumbling in a defeated lump of limbs. “And then this morning? Nothing. Nada. Not even a peck on the lips as a ‘good morning’.”
“Oh wow,” She says after a moment. You find some comfort in how she seems as wordless as you were early today. “Oh wow, that’s… wow. It’s impressive, but it’s not shocking. Still, it’s… wow.”
“Not shocking?” You shriek. “It’s very shocking!”
“Oh, sweet pumpkin,” There is so much comfort in the clicks and clacks of her heels when she gets up and comes to give you a hug. Admittedly, Penelope’s hugs are much like one of a mother; warm, caring, and all encompassing. It’s enough to heal wounds you didn’t even know you had, like she is searching your soul the same way she searches the web for evidence– with expertise. “I sometime forget you’ve never known little boy genius when he was, well, little. Our pretty boy over there is not… the best with people.”
“That’s mean, Pen,” You sigh, frowning a little. He might not say much about his feelings, and sure, sometimes Spencer is quite reserved to his own mind in a way that makes you think he assumes people won’t really understand what’s going on up there, but never has Spencer made you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself. Saying he is ‘not the best with people’ actually upset you because despite a couple of hiccups here and there, Spencer is great with you. He remembers everything you say you like or dislike, he cares about your opinions even though sometimes you feel like you’re just saying the obvious, he is gentle with his touches and hugs. “Spencer is amazing, he’s always so careful with everything and everyone, and he’s so kind, and gentle, and considerate. He’s just too in his head sometimes, but that’s okay! So am I, so is everyone, you know?”
“It’s so cute how you’re quick to jump to his defence,” She teased, shaking you a little by the shoulders. “I know he’s all of that, trust me. I would die for Spencer– no, that’s too easy. I would kill for Spencer, and I actually almost did once! And–“
“Wait, what?!”
“And what I’m trying to say is not that he is a bad person, but that he can get a bit awkward. Try to think from his perspective, Y/N, the kid went to college when he was 14. All those crazy life experiences we had in college, he didn’t. And then he joined the FBI, and time just… got away.”
“Are you trying to tell me Spencer Reid is a virgin?” You gasp, mouth hung open in surprise, because from the little action you two had going last night, you would not have betted on that.
“God, no… or at least I don’t think so, but what I am trying to tell you, my cute bookworm, is that his experience is… limited to a couple of people. Very different people. One of his exes was a famous actress kind of people. They did long distance every single time kind of people.”
Little by little, the engines in your brain start turning, and things start making sense. “He never… had a proper relationship?” Somehow, this makes it feel like all that weight that is sitting on your chest, the pressure of figuring everything out by yourself, the racing thoughts that can’t leave you alone… it’s all gone. All easing up in a lighter mist of confusion and sadness.
Her curls bounce around her face when she shakes her head. “Not that we’ve known. So just… god, please give him a chance. He’s a good egg, a perfect egg, even! Just a bit confused with his own brain and, and, and he’s probably wondering what’s the proper procedure from here on out! He’s probably confused and wondering what to do and– and he’s so happy, Y/N. This morning, he couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t tell
Morgan to shut up when he made sex jokes. He didn’t hog the coffee machine. It was like he was in his own little world and it was so cute to see him finally acting like the boy he should have been all along. I don’t want to see that go away.”
Penelope Garcia has a tell that you are pretty sure she doesn’t know about. It usually peek through her desperate rambles that you love so much, squeezing her voice out of her until she’s barely speaking. You know she’s self-conscious about her rambles, the amount of times she has apologised to you enough proof of it, but when she starts feeling guilty, like she’s staying something she shouldn’t have been, Penelope’s voice dies down, to the point that her mouth is moving but no sound is coming out.
“Pen…”
“I know you like him,” The intensity of her eyes behind her glasses is enough to have you looking away. “I know you do, you like him so much that you broke your security protocol and ran to the FBI to tell him that he needed to call his mom. Please don’t give up on him.”
“I’m not,” You whisper back, shaking your head so fast your neck hurts a little. “Pen, I’m not giving up on him, I don’t think I ever could. I’m just… insecure. I understand Spence’s experience is unique to him, but mine is unique to me, and I think we’re both in the learning process. I just wish he would’ve talked to me, you know? Spencer kissed me like there was no tomorrow yesterday and this morning he didn’t even acknowledge it. What if he doesn’t want to do it anymore? What if he changed his mind? You know, his brain works too fast and he could’ve thought about all the future scenarios in which this goes wrong and–“
“You know, sometimes you two sound so much alike that it’s scary. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him, get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat.”
“Hey!”
“Your intrusive thoughts are shitty!”
“That is a really weird way to put it–“
“What are you two talking about?” Turning to look at Spencer, you’re surprised to see him all packed up with his satchel hanging by his side. You deflate a little at how ready he is to leave, thinking he’s going back to the tarmac to meet up with the team wherever they are, but he beats you to the punch. “Y/N, ready to go home?”
“Oh,” You scramble to get up, grabbing your bag and your visitor’s pass and then nodding. “Yeah, I guess. Are you coming with?”
“Yeah, I told Hotch I’d be working from home in case my mom’s nurse called again,” He gives you that tight-lipped smile you love so much and you kind of swoon.
“Alright,” You give Penelope a hug goodbye and from then on, you find yourself in the longest stretch of silence you’ve ever been before.
The tension is there, taut enough that you feel like your stomach is being pulled out of your body every time he sucks in a breath a bit too hard or opens his mouth just to close it again. Every time, you think he’s going to initiate the chat, and, every time, he doesn’t. It disappointment after disappointment, and by the time you two make it back to his place, yo can’t keep it in anymore. “Spence,” You call softly, letting him open the door the the building without rush and following him inside. As per usual, he’s quick to let you lead, gesturing politely for you to go up first. “Spence, we need to talk about last ni– Abigail, what are you doing here?”
You’re not even at the top of the stairs when you see her, all sweaters and ponytails standing by your door. “Oh, hi boss!” Her joke makes you cringe a little, but you smile nonetheless. You must’ve done something to alert Spencer of how uncomfortable you actually are, his hand sneaking to grab yours as he squeezes past you to stand one step above, body almost covering yours completely. “Oh. Hi.”
Her tone change is obvious even to your layman ears, and you squeeze Spencer’s hand in nervousness. “Abigail, right?” He asks, a small smile playing on his lips as if he’s trying to be nice, though the squint in his eyes tells a whole other story. “Good to see you again. Did you move in okay?”
“Yeah,” The way she moves her head to the side, trying to get a glimpse of you, has red flags raised all up in your head. “All moved in and ready to start work on Monday!”
“I’m happy to hear you’re excited, Abigail!” You reply with a forced chuckle, climbing the extra step to stand side by side with Spence. Your hands are intertwined behind his back, his fingers playing with yours, and if it’s to keep you calm or himself, you don’t know. “I’m excited for you to start at the store, too. Is there anything you need, though? I know I said I’d send you a starter email and a draft of a schedule, but I just haven’t had the time today. I’ll work on it as soon as I can!”
“Oh, no, no, no hurry!” Once she can see you, it’s like her whole persona changes. She’s bubblier when she’s talking to you, shoulders less tense and voice less tense. “I was just coming here to bring you this. It got delivered to my apartment by accident, but it has your name on it.”
From behind her back, she pulls a brown package. It’s small and thin, and it doesn’t seem so have any logo on it. “Y/N, are you expecting something?” Spencer whispers, eyes not leaving Abigail’s hand and for a second you let yourself panic enough to believe she’s carrying a bomb. It felt like she was carrying a bomb. Like it was going to blow up and your entire life, your entire re-construed life with Spencer by your side, and everything would soon come crumbling down.
“N-No,” You stutter back and your body goes frigid cold when Abigail takes a step forward to you two, arms stretched out to give you the package. “Oh my god, no, no, no one knows I’m–“
Quickly grabbing the box, Spencer wastes no time in getting you inside the apartment. “Thank you so much for bringing this, Abigail, but we really have to get home. As promised, you’ll hear from Y/N soon on that starter email. Have a great rest of your day!”
“Wait, I wanted to talk to Y/N about–“ The loud slamming of the door drowns her words out.
Before even looking your way, Spencer is on the phone. “Hotch,” He breathed out, eyes wide in that crazed way that you’ve only see once before, in your shop when he had his gun out. “She found Y/N.”
You know you can’t call this an ending, not when you two never even had a begging…
“We have to relocate her.”
But it surely feels like one.
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#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid series#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x oc#nerdy spencer reid#spencer reid angst#spencer reid smut#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#doctor spencer reid#spencer reid comfort#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fic#criminal minds fanfiction#aaron hotchner#jennifer jareau#emily prentiss#jason gideon#david rossi#penelope garcia#matt simmons#luke alvez
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STRESS
~850 words
>After long missions Ben is obviously stressed. What else can you do if not help him?
warnings/notes: smut, minors dni! oral (m receiving), female reader but there aren't many real descriptions other than calling reader a "heroine", no usage of y/n, no proofread I'm gonna die, ben is being canonically really rough, but there's just a bit of his softer side i wish was there in canon so maybe ooc, supe!reader, reader is a second captain of payback (like starlight in the third season but no parallels between starlight & homelander and reader & soldier boy)
REBLOGS WILL BE APPRECIATED!
It hadn't been a hard day, not even a hard week, it had been going on for a hell of a long time. Everyone was on edge, even Tessa and Tommy were exhausted, and if all those missions, he filming of that stupid movie Legend had insisted on, could exhaust the twins, whose energy had always burned like dynamite, pun intended, then obviously no one had any energy at all.
People deal with stress in different ways. Some people try to abstract themselves from society - that's what Mindstorm did, and something in you told him that if he missed one more training session, then as soon as his coat even looms in Soldier Boy's peripheral vision, Dan would be dead.
Some were trying to forget themselves in training, and some were trying to beat the crap out of them in training. And you, as co-captain of this incorrigible team, as a supe who still had some humanity left in her, it was unbearably painful to watch Ben take it out on the others. But not at you, of course. Of course not at you, you were fucking special.
For instance, you were special when you sat between his legs in the meeting room.
No, don't think anything terrible, Ben wasn't the kind of man who would force a woman to do something like that, after all, he may have been a bastard, a misogynist and...a lot of other bad things, but he was a real man of his time - or at least he thought he was. In his opinion, it was much more manly to get a woman to fall at his feet - in this case, literally.
No, it's just that after he almost smashed Black Noir's head on the table during today's meeting, you had no doubt that he could use some stress relief.
And who, if not the second captain of the Payback, America's No. 1 heroine, on a par with the Statue of Liberty, could help him, America's greatest hero, become even a little more forgiving? The answer was obvious: no one. Did you do it out of fear, Stockholm syndrome, or because the only humanity left in you somehow cherished the bastard? It wasn't that important. Not now, anyway.
Not when his big hand was clutching your hair, painfully pulling back and literally slamming your head into his lap again and again. His cock slammed into your throat with a sharp and tremendous pressure, and somewhere through the veil of your own pleasure in the process you could hear his absolutely animalistic growl. Well, knowing that you could bring him to such a primitive state fueled so much pride in your chest that you obviously grew bolder.
You could grip his shaft lightly with your teeth, which made your hair pull back especially hard, forcing you to let go of his length from your mouth. You only laughed, and Ben only feigned annoyance.
And just a few moments after that, he's back to exhaling your name gutturally, stretching the "r" sound especially hard when he says you're his "good girl". And soon enough, Ben's grip on your curls tightens, and he's moving your head at an unsteady pace in pursuit of his pleasure alone. You suppress your gag reflexes, because to your great surprise, not only he likes it, but you as well. You were definitely a masochist.
His growls, guttural moans, and sloppy grunts mingled with your whimpers and the wet slapping of your face against his heated skin. How strange was it that you were ready to cum now without even touching your needy slit with your fingertips, just from the feel of his huge length in your mouth? It was probably very strange, but you didn't have that thought in your head, or any other, God, Ben had literally fucked the shit out of your brain, because all your sick mind was thinking about was his voice, his face, his hands, just fucking him. Thrust, thrust, another thrust--
He stops abruptly, apparently not wanting to end it like this. Soldier Boy lets go of your hair, pats your head approvingly (a rare sign of tenderness on his part!) and then takes up the locks again to lift your face off his still-hard cock, glistening in a mixture of pre-ejaculate and your saliva. He grins smugly, taking your chin with his finger. Judging by the fact that he's even allowed himself that smirk, some of his stress is already gone. But this is not enough.
"Get up, love. And sit on the table," he growls, lifting you off your lap as you almost hit your head on the edge of the table, and Ben lowers himself to you, pressing his lips dangerously close to yours in a scalding kiss. His lips taste gross, a mixture of expensive whiskey, weed, and smoke, but you grasp the taste with your whole life line. But before you can even open your mouth to his tongue, Ben soon pulls away, biting your bottom lip.
"I'm not going to end this with you so easily."
a/n: of course know this man is huge asshole and i hate him with all of my heart but your honor he's played by jensen ackles so he can be pardoned. idk what was the last time i written smut tbh
#the boys#the boys x reader#the boys x you#soldier boy#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x you#soldier boy x female reader#writers on tumblr#soldier boy smut#smutty smut smut#your honor im just a girl
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ARE YOU ALRIGHT? (보이넥스트도어)
synopsis: when you randomly ask for a hug. warnings 🚨 fluff, skinship, kissing, and a lot of relationship stuff. not proofread 👍🏻
Nova notes: HIHI saur.... first bonedo post.. what do we think? 😗
Sungho (성호)
"Are you alright?" Was the first thing he said, getting up from the couch to give you the hug nonetheless, as soon as the words came out of your mouth. You nodded, wrapping your arms around his torso and relishing in his warmth and heart-fluttering scent that you recognise oh so well. He tightened his arms around your face, sensing you melting in his arms, melting his heart in the process. "I love you." He whispered so softly you almost didn't catch it. You smiled fondly as you looked up at him, "I love you too."
Riwoo (리우)
"Ofcourse." He said, rushing over to you with a gentle smile on his face. He pulled you in his arms and rested his head above yours. As your eyes were close, melting in his soft touch, you heard him whisper, "Are you alright?". The concern was evident in his voice. Looking up at him with bright eyes, you nodded. "That's good." He chuckled as he patted your head and pushing it against his chest again, missing your warmth.
Jaehyun (재현)
He looked up at you with stars in his eyes. "Ofcourse, my love." He said while rushing over to you with the biggest grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled tightly against his chest. Used to his clingy self, you chuckled as you wrapped your arms around his neck making him let out a happy noise as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. "Are you alright, though? You never just randomly ask for a hug." He whispered gently against your neck, tickling you a little. "I'm alright. I just missed you." As soon as you said that, he pulled away from your neck and pressed his soft lips against yours into a soft, gentle kiss.
Taesan (태산)
Taesan looked up from his computer and looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. "Are you alright?" He asked immediately and got up to pull you into a gentle hug. "I'm okay. I just missed you." These few words were enough to make him fall even more inlove with you. "Just incase, if you ever need to talk, I'm always here for you, okay?" He asked, pulling slightly away from the hug to look into the eyes he adored so much. You nodded with a small smile on your face. He smiled back as he pulled you against his chest again, enjoying the feeling of love.
Leehan (리한)
"I don't see why not." He said as he wrapped his arms around you, not to tightly to give you room for breathing. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and listened to his steady heartbeat, washing you over with a sense of safety. "Next time, don't ask. My arms are always, and only available for you and you only, you know that?" He said softly against your ears making a big smile appear on your face. You nodded as you pressed yourself against him more making him tighten his arms around you, no space for breathing this time.
Woonhak (운학)
He rolled his eyes jokingly as he made his way over to you with a lovesick smile. He wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on your shoulders. "What's the occasion?" He said, with his voice low and gentle. "No reason, just didn't see you enough today." You said with a stupid smile as he sighed, feeling an immense amount of love filling his heart. "That's flattering, babe." He chuckled as he pecked the shell of your ear. "I'm always here for you, you know that?" He said with a tender tone. You nodded as you tightened your arms around him making his heart burst with love.
Do not copy this post. Spam likes = blocked. Spaming and plagiarism are not tolerated. Respectfully follow these rules :)
#boynextdoor#boynextdoor x reader#bnd#boynextdoor imagines#boynextdoor reactions#boynextdoor au#park sungho#sungho x reader#riwoo#riwoo x reader#myung jaehyun#jaehyun x reader#taesan#taesan x reader#leehan#leehan x reader#woonhak#woonhak x reader#kpop#hybe#fluff#kpop x reader#KOZ#zico
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Psst... Queer American fam...
A lot of us are in survival mode right now, and who knows how long that is going to last. An onslaught could begin the first day, or it could be relatively quiet until a storm breaks, so our background stress/anxiety levels are going to be high, and some of the effects of excess circulating cortisol include anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, digestive problems, and problems with memory and focus.
It’s normal to be struggling right now.
It means you’re human.
I know this sounds bad, but I’m restating a thing I think many people already know, because the thing is, a common tactic of the Right is to put people in a stressful situation and then blame them for their response to it (I’ve seen this referred to in other contexts as “reactive trauma”). As queer folks and people being targeted, we might think we are immune to this, but it works more insidiously than that. It can tear us apart, and it plays out like the following:
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
As violence towards our community escalates, they will start publically pointing at things “we are doing” that are “causing” the escalation.
They will use this term “we”, because they don’t understand that we are not homogeneous.
Sometimes we ourselves, as individuals, will not be part of that “we”.
It will be terrifying, in that moment, to have rights stripped away (or worse) without having any perceived control, and that lack of control will feel like it is due to the actions of another being blamed on you.
DON’T FALL FOR IT THOUGH!
This is misdirection. They do not have to hurt us, even if we are loudly gay, even if we protest the ways they are hurting us already.
Please, please don’t let yourself get to a safe place and wonder why others aren’t hiding. You are allowed to keep yourself safe. In fact, I encourage it, but please remember that those of us fighting this thing publicly are not the enemy. We need your support and solidarity.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
We are a big family with many different survival strategies:
We don't all have to utilize the same one
We don't have to stick with our original choice over time
We are not bound to only using one at a time
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m going to end this with a list of some survival strategies found in nature, because I'm definitely rambling and this was the thought I actually started typing this post with:
Do you recognize any of your own strategies in the list below?
Do you recognize any that are the opposite?
Can you hold that we are all in this together coping in our own ways, that we are not each others’ enemies?
Can you remember that "health" is a social construct, and that a strategy doesn't have to be the "best" one for it to be functional for the time being to keep someone alive?
I hope you can, because we will need each other to get through the coming years.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
STRATEGIES:
Becoming a spore (more info) - Shutting down completely for a bit - Sleeping more - Building mental walls
Playing dead (more info) - Retreating from social life - Retreating from social media - Missing work
Camouflage (more info) - Going back in the closet - Codeswitching - Becoming extremely quiet
Mimicry of a more dangerous creature (more info) - Being argumentative/loud - Being assertive - Presenting even more queerly
Nocturnality (more info) - Nocturnality - Avoiding people - Staying in a social bubble
Distraction (more info) - Drag - Hacking - Certain forms of protest
Pursuit-Deterrent Signals (more info) - Making oneself needed - Feigning compliance - Presenting in “stealth” mode
Mobbing (more info) - Protests - Taking down websites - Coworker solidarity to create workspace change
Staying in the middle of a group (more info) - Being in community support networks - Going to therapy - Getting to know your neighbors
Sounding an alarm (more info) - Being loud on social media - Being loud in the workplace - Naming the quiet parts out loud
#queer#lgbtqia#election 2024#nature#rant post#neurodivergent#trauma#resilience#personal rant#lgbtq community#trans community#coping#mental health
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@vaspider, this isnt directed at you, this is to support your point.
So, we have a lot of data about redicidivism rates. If you don't know what this is, it is a measure of how often people who go to jail, go multiple times. Smaller scale, i have also known a lot of people who have gone to jail for various reasons, and a lot of people who have been addicts, whether they went to jail for it or not.
On the larger scale, the data shows pretty clearly that countries which punish inmates, to "teach them a lesson" have really high redicidivism rates.
On the smaller scale, the people I've known who are in and out of jail, and the people I've known who are stuck in their addictions or have died from them, are the people without options or hope. The people who get abused for their habits and told that they're evil or stupid or otherwise irredeemable, and/or the people who think that their habits are their best survival mechanism. The spiral for them is downward.
Conversely, large scale, countries which treat inmates with dignity, which rather than burdening them with debt and shame, but give them skills and resources they're missing and consistently message to them that they are not permanently defined by their worst actions but rather that they are capable of growing and deserve to do so as much as those affected by their actions deserve to heal, have incredibly low redicidivism rates.
On the smaller scale, the people I've seen break out of cycles of imprisonment and addiction are the people who found something they felt like they were capable of and people who believed that they were capable of growth. Better survival mechanisms.
I think we want shame and punishment to be an effective tool. People who hurt us make us feel like shit, and we want to rebalance the scales. But that's not actually what happens, and it's not actually what we're doing when we flip people's actions back on them.
People's minds don't change when they get told how terrible they are. They don't change when their lives get worse because they get punished. In fact, they double and triple down, even if (and maybe even especially when) they can see that their actions got them into the mess they're in. Because they start to feel like that's the only path, and start to get a twisted catharsis in their own suffering. And they feel justified in continuing the cycle of hurting others.
People change when they are given better options, and shown that they too can participate in making those better options happen. They change when people believe in them, over and over and over again. Which I know, feels like rewarding them for their bad behavior, but trust me, they'll feel their own shame worse than you could ever inflict yourself when you tell them "I know you're capable of better than this, more kindness than this." And they know you believe what you're saying. That's when people change.
Every time you think to yourself, "I want the people who voted That Way to learn their lesson," I want you to come back to this post and ask yourself, "Is that really more important than marginalized people's safety? Am I engaging in Leftist LARPing to the detriment of actual people?"
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43) “god you’re so emotionally constipated.” for Emily x Reader please.
history smothers us
emily prentiss x gn!reader
summary: years of unspoken words and misconceptions threaten to destroy what remains of a once close relationship. you couldn't imagine your life without emily. now you look at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. featuring prompt "god you're so emotionally consitpated" from my prompt list.
word count: 2.3k
warnings: angst with a happy ending. mention of blood. no use of y/n. set in season 12. unit chief prentiss.
a/n: thank you so much for the request <3 sorry it took me a while I struggled to find the right idea. I imagine this wasn't what you had in mind but I do hope you enjoy it anyway. also side note: i've deleted my taglist, i'm restarting because it was years old so if anyone would like be re-tagged or anyone new would like to be added pls lmk!
The police lights flash in the midnight sky. Agents and local police spread across the farmhouse. And you, sitting in the back of an ambulance, blood dripping down the side of your head, the beginnings of a headache making itself known.
The bright torch shining in your eyes makes you wince, but the EMT clears you of a concussion and hands you pain meds to swallow. You drag your hand through your hair, a frustrated sigh leaving your lips.
The unsub had come out of nowhere and whacked you over the head with a metal pole, and he probably would’ve done a lot more if it wasn’t for Tara being two steps behind you.
Honestly, you were fine. A little banged up, with a nasty bruise already forming, but the blood had been wiped away and it was almost like it had never happened.
Well, apart from the very angry Unit Chief Prentiss stalking towards you.
You wish this was an unfamiliar sight, but god she’d been back months now and you don’t think her smile had been pointed in your direction once.
“What were you thinking?” She scolds, voice sharp and eyes narrowed. You don’t miss the shaking of her hands as she holds them tightly on her hips or the rising flush of her cheeks, both she would blame on the cold but you knew they were born out of concern, not that she’d ever admit it. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realise the FBI now required its agents to have the abilities to see through walls.” You roll your eyes, the half-joke an attempt to fix her glare, but you know even as the words pass your lips it’s futile. Your shoulders slump, already tired for the fight ahead, “He came out of nowhere, Prentiss.”
Her lips purse, “They require you to be able to clear a room. It seems you might need a refresher course. Maybe until you can be trusted and I deem you requalified it’s best you stay back in quantico.”
“What?” You ask incredulously. Of all the dumb things- “Let me get this straight, you’re benching me over nothing? Tara was through that door seconds later. I wasn’t defying your orders. You have no reason to do this!”
“I want you to redo your basic training so I know you can be trusted in the field.” She demands, stoic, serious, and so far away from the soft woman you used to be able to reach out to.
You laugh, but the noise is sad and wild. You shake your head in disbelief, watching the woman in front of you that years ago used to be the person you were closest to in the world. Now you stare at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. “God, you’re so emotionally constipated.”
“Excuse me?”
You push yourself off the end of the ambulance, bringing yourself to your full height and meeting her gaze. You knew the day she accepted the unit chief position this wouldn’t end well, there was too much history, too much the two of you had left unsaid, hurt and anger smothering any possible relationship left.
“Let’s not pretend this has anything to do with my performance.” You begin,
words low enough that if she didn’t listen the words threatened to disappear with the wind, “It’s because I got hurt and you’d rather damage my career and ruin the tatters of our relationship than admit that me getting hurt scared you.”
Emily steps backwards, face stricken. Her hands fall from her hips, her mouth opening and closing as she struggles for words.
You decide there’s nothing left she can say. You excuse yourself and grab a lift with Luke, happy to leave the crime scene and your boss behind. After everyone’s finished at the farmhouse and packed up at the police station it’s nearing two am and everyone is ordered back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep before the flight in the morning.
Your feet are dragging by the time you make it to your room. The meds have done their job though and your headache had faded away, but nothing but sleep was going to help your heavy and aching bones. You wave a tired goodbye to Tara, who unlike Emily had no issues checking in and making sure you were okay, and then retreat to your room.
You slump into the chair at the desk, telling yourself you’ll find the energy to get ready for bed in one minute. But so thankful to finally be off your feet. Your reprieve lasts only minutes before a knock sounds at your door. A withered sigh leaves your lips and you consider ignoring it but still find yourself pushing yourself upright and making your way back to the door.
When you open it, you wish you’d listened to your thoughts.
“Hi?” You say hesitantly, staring into the tired face of Emily Prentiss. There’s no anger, her shoulders are almost slumped, defeated maybe? You look away, too scared to analyse further.
“Can I come in?”
You open the door further allowing her entrance. She smiles, tight lipped at you, nodding her thanks. You close the door and wait for her to speak, pondering how in the hell you both got to awkward silences and forced tight lipped smiles when years ago you two could share looks across the room and know what the other was thinking, spent hours talking and laughing together, how you had built a life and never thought there would be a day that she wasn’t in it with you.
“We can’t go on like this.” She starts eyes meeting yours before flickering away, “Things between us have not been right since I returned and I think maybe we should clear the air. I want to be the Unit Chief, I want to be back here at Quantico but that only works if we can be a team.”
You scoff. It slips from your mouth, uncontrolled and harsh. Emily’s gaze snaps to yours, her surprise at the sound clear. You shake your head, “What is there to say?” Where would we even begin?
“I-” She chokes, blinking as the emotions claw at her throat. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Your brows draw in confusion as you shake your head, “What are you talking about?”
“After everything that happened with Doyle-”
Your eyes bulge, “You think I'm still upset about that? God, do you think I’m a monster? You survived. You lived. That’s all that matters.”
Tears pool in her eyes, but she blinks them away, her gaze shifting to the wall as her fingers pick at a hangnail. She looks back at you, still picking, gaze more open and lost than you’ve seen in a long time. “Then why? I hurt you. I can see it in the way you can barely stand to be around me, like it hurts you to even be in my presence.”
You blow out a breath, eyes moving around the room before they land back on her and then away again. “It’s not your fault.” You breathe, emotions lodged in your throat and heart beating wildly against your chest as you try and force the words out. “You didn’t hurt me, I hurt myself. There was never going to be a life I led that you weren’t right with me, you know?” You laugh, wet and broken.
Emily’s mouth falls open, her eyes emotional pits that you don’t dare hold.
“And then you left for London and I couldn’t exactly be upset because I had no say in what you did with your life. We were just friends. I knew it’s what you needed and I don’t resent you for that. I just…” You take a breath, “I was so angry at myself for missing you, for thinking that I could be someone you would stay for.”
And there it was. The truth. Because at the end of the day, you’ve always just wanted to be enough for the woman in front of you. For her to see you as more than just your friend. To one day have your feelings returned.
She’d left and you’d both been busy and you’d deliberately tried to separate yourself as well, drawing back from the painful reminder that you weren’t enough. And since her return, all those emotions have been resurfacing, however much you tried to keep them buried. Because falling out of love with Emily Prentiss was just not something you were capable of, and you’ve spent years trying too.
Emily approaches you, the space between you closing ever so slightly. Your gaze sticks to the ground, scared to see the easy to read emotions across her face. She takes a breath, the sound muffled by the beating of your heart.
“After I came back from Paris, I used to find myself looking at you and knowing I couldn’t be that woman you remembered, the one you sought for. I wanted to. Desperately.” Her voice hitches, and then lowers to a hoarse whisper, “I wanted to be the woman you fell for.”
Your eyes finally rise, against your will. Tears make their way in delicate paths down her cheeks, she looks every bit as lost as you feel. The only thing stopping you from falling apart is the fear that if you let go you may never recover.
“I didn’t need you to be anyone. I just wanted you to be yourself. I wanted you to trust me.” You respond gently.
She shakes her head, “No, everyone was looking for that version of me that I couldn’t grasp onto.”
“Emily,” You sigh painfully. Her face crumples, eyes squeezing shut at the sound of her name from your lips. It’s been so long, you know. “You were healing from a trauma. I’ve always wanted the authentic you, whatever that includes. Why would that suddenly change?”
She nods, a deep frown on her face as she accepts your words. Then a wet laugh, as she wipes away her tears. “I’ve missed you. Every day. I hate being in the same room as you and it being awkward. I used to be able to look at you and know what you’re thinking. I want that back.”
A small smile curves your lips, “Me too, more than anything.”
“Yeah?” She questions. Her teeth run across her lip, as she dares to hope. “You think we could get back there?”
Your heart hammers. “I just need you to be really clear here. What exactly are we getting back to?”
She steps forward, finally close enough to touch. Her hand hesitantly reaches out and touches yours, her cold fingers intertwining with your warm ones. Your body remembers her touch, relaxes and leans into it automatically. You eat it hungrily, tracking the movement before your eyes rise to meet hers and find soft, open eyes watching you. “I want to make you fall in love with me again.”
Your breath catches in your throat, tears pooling in your eyes as your hand shakes in hers.
“And this time, I promise, I’ll be there to catch you.”
“We might have a slight problem with that plan.” You laugh, trying your hardest not to sob.
She frowns, nose wrinkling in the way you adore. “What’s that?”
“It’s pretty difficult to re-fall in love when I never stopped loving you in the first place.” You huff, and Emily laughs, rich and free and bright. Her face joyful and happy, and with the wide bright smile you’ve waited months to feel pointed in your direction. God the sight makes your head spin.
“Is that so?” She asks, hand moving up to cup your cheek, eyes full of love and pointed at you.
You can only nod, dizzy from her attention and the emotions coursing through your body.
When her lips find yours it feels like finally coming home. Soft and delicate, both too scared to push too hard, exploring slowing even as her hand holds your cheek and yours fists in her shirt. You’ve waited years for this, and if you get more of these than it will be worth it. Everything is worth it for the feeling of Emily in your arms.
When she pulls away, it’s too soon. You follow her mouth and she concedes and gives you a couple more slow kisses before she stops herself, resting her forehead against yours.
“I just want to say sorry for earlier.” She whispers into the safe space you’ve built. “You were right, I was scared when you got hurt. Dave’s already kicked my ass for my response, you won’t receive any disciplinary action.”
You nod slightly, her forehead moving against yours, “Thank you.”
“It won’t happen again.” She promises, sealing the words with a kiss to your lips.
“I know.” You kiss her again, but this time you break out into a yawn midway through. Your momentarily forgotten exhaustion, making itself known.
She melts against you, caressing your cheek. “Oh, you need to sleep. We can talk more tomorrow. I’m taking you out for dinner.”
You bite your lip to hide the smile threatening to take over your face, “A date?”
She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Yes, a date. But only if you sleep first.”
“Your wish is my command.” You can’t stop the grin from taking over your face anymore. You press a peck to her lips and lead her back towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.” She agrees, eyes fluttering over your face as if she’s committing every aspect to memory. “Sleep well.”
“You too.”
She presses one last kiss to your lips before she opens the door and makes her exit. You close the door quietly behind her, sinking back into it and allowing the giggle to finally escape your mouth.
What the fuck had just happened.
Emily Prentiss kissed you.
Emily Prentiss has feelings for you.
You weren’t alone.
You bite your lip and push off the door, finally ready to get ready for bed and praying come morning that this would still be your reality.
taglist: @aburman03
#emily prentiss x reader#emily prentiss#criminal minds#season 12#gn!reader#cm fic#fanfiction#kt writes#angst with a happy ending#history smothers us#not my gif
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