#but it shouldn't stop you from remembering them.

[qqueenofhades]

Okay all -- few quick thoughts about the Elon Muskifying of the government, especially the takeover of the Treasury and associated financial data for every single US citizen and organization, that we are learning about in detail today.

Don't panic. This sounds bad, because it is bad. It's really, really bad. It's outrageously fascist bad. But we've still gotta take a deep breath and get through it.

This is the kind of shock-and-awe exercise of untrammeled fascist power where they are absolutely counting on gleefully terrorizing, paralyzing, and stunning you into mounting no resistance, or just giving up and giving in. They are literally live-tweeting it in real time and boasting about all the access and influence they have right now. They want you to know about it and feel like you can't do anything, so you might as well let it happen.

We have to show them that's not true.

TIME TO MAKE SOME NOISE. Because it's Sunday night, I've gone ahead and contacted my state Attorney General and both senators by email (but come Monday morning, we should all be calling). Here is the email that I wrote to my AG:

Dear Mr. [AG],

As you will be aware, today (February 2, 2025) the Trump administration has granted wide-ranging access to sensitive US Treasury data, including the personal and private information of [state] citizens, to Elon Musk's so-called "Department of Government Efficiency." Musk is an unelected private citizen who has no legal right to access this data, and is engaging in extensive intimidation and coercion to fulfill his personal and harmful ideological agenda. The present and material harm that this causes to US citizens, [state] residents, and basic laws of government, privacy, and financial security is direct, unconscionable, and actionable. I strongly urge you, in your capacity as [state] Attorney General, to file direct suit against the Trump administration, Elon Musk, the "DOGE" office, and any identifiable individuals who have taken part in this action, in order to protect consumer data, citizen privacy, and basic faith and trust in government.

All the best,

[Qqueenofhades]

Short! To the point! Doesn't waste time, tells him what I want him to do, how Elmo's nonsense directly harms the residents of my state, and why he should take action to stop it! And frankly, given how on-the-ball blue-state AGs have been thus far, they're probably already working on it. You are very welcome to copy-and-paste this message and fill in your AG's last name and your state as appropriate. Super easy to do. Takes five minutes. Call tomorrow.

If you are in a red state, your voice is particularly important right now. The Trumpsters are counting on and are even emboldened by blue state pushback, but you really need to make it start coming from Republican strongholds. Congressional Republicans will only feel the slightest amount of unease about docilely enabling this BS when it starts threatening their own personal power. Hit them where it hurts.

Other lawsuits are coming. Marc Elias, Democratic lawyer extraordinaire, is well aware of this situation and has noted on Bluesky that more lawsuits are in the works. He often wins his cases. This does not mean that you shouldn't loudly make noise elsewhere, but please remember that this is one of those 24-hour periods where, as noted, they are counting on demoralizing you with a nonstop blizzard of bullshit. It does not say anything about how this will play out long-term or the opposition that can and will be mobilized to stop it.

Once again: courage. Take the small steps that you can do today. Then take a breath and get off social media for a little while. Try to take the long view. One step at a time, we will get through this.

Courage.

[lila-kriegerin]

It would be amusing if someone did send an e-mail for each sex of that fungus while continuing to try to censor "mushroom" and other frequently repeated words so they don't easily spam block anything that says shroom, fungi, amanita... you know the drill. If the entire text became increasingly hashed the office trying to block e-mail would possibly block someone sending them too frequently, but if everyone would happen to be throwing eggs, tomatoes, toilet paper, etc., it would be impossible to spend too much time trying to block all senders since theres no time to sort kfficial mail from noise so not massive sweet bans should be happening either.

Thays an interesting IT security problem for their iffice to grapple with. It's a good thing I know nothing of those things and it's way above my paygrade and every one else's since no one could ever interfere wkth making america great again, right?

I bet someone might want to run the risk of using the global replace search function in a word processor since that is the tits for doing the task of continuing to change many recurring items like "17,000" (for example) with random alphanumeric variants which should also help keep someone out of the spam filters... though that person may be tempted to vary document length so whoever may wish to stop them wouldn't have the bright idea to block their favourite words and alphanumerical sequences, right?

The US government has many 3I373 H4X0r5, so you shouldnt even think of ever trying to have fun poking their baskets while looking for holes to shove so much data into!

That's a bad idea to call them and e-mail them too much with unimportant stuff because they need all available time to properly do their jobs instead of feeding hard drives of data through cloud analysis to find useful data in the e-mail servers. That would cost too much time, effort, and money so don't make their jobs harder!

While you're at it, don't remember the e-mail address DEIATRUTH@OPM.GOV unless you really have a real emergency to report someone illicitly using DEI practices in any place of business or society, golf resorts, etc.

It's really important to have good patriotic citizens telling them important things about those uppity minorities throwing their weight around and disenfranchising true American patriots who want to make America great again.

I would never tell someone to ever even think of swamping their phone numbers and e-mail addresses and web portals because Donald Trump is the nunber one hero to patriots who want to make American great again and you could get in trouble!

You should know it is also never worth sending copies of various film scripts in plain text format in the e-mail's body that involve anything you're interested in, although I do know someone who works there would love to find out what the actual dialogue was for the Wookiees in the Star Wars Christmas Special and all three trilogies.

Whoever shouldn't do those things also definitely would want to avoid sending anything truly pornographic without protecting their parts and lil ipp because whoever could do anything that unrecommended could catch nasty bugs and worse attentiin, shame, and fines if they ended up as Don Quixote in court or even a drunk tank or on a ridealong with one of our excellent boys in the thin blue line between American citizens and their woke DEI goals.

Be careful out there, everyone!

Be a real, true-blue, dyed in the wool, American patriot!

Forget about anything except doing your jobs and using your personal time (not company time on the job) to to properly inform the right offices and contacts about unamerican activities and all the interesting things they need to know.

That way, you can really paint the town red going after those fake american wannabes by reporting them on only your own personal time when you arent misusing the moments you're bored at work. Focus on the job when you're the job, and focus on special people when at home— absolutely never on the clock —and may God bless America!

Make America great again by showing them who needs to be kicked out of the places that only the real American patriots belong— in power in the USA!!

(X) (X)

ETA a new option:

(From a source I will not link.)

[allthingsfangirl101]

My Archenemy – Tyler Owens

All anyone can talk about is Tyler Owens. My students are obsessed with his videos. They idolize him.

I, on the other hand, would love to go a day without someone bringing him up. After high school, I stayed in town and went to the nearby college. I remained here and ended up teaching science at my old high school. Tyler only reappeared when tornados came to town.

I tried not to think about him. I didn't want to. We were childhood archenemies. Tyler and I were constantly competing. From spelling tests to reading competitions to science fairs. I was better at biology. Tyler was better at environmental science. We were always going head-to-head.

Whenever one of us won something, the other jumped up and won at the next thing. It got tiresome for me, but Tyler loved the competition.

After a long day at work, I stopped at the grocery store on my way home. I roamed the aisles, grabbing things here and there. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that there was still one box of my favorite granola bars left. I went to grab it but someone had the same idea.

"Oh. I'm sorry. . . I was just. . . Tyler Owens?"

"Well, I'll be," he chuckled, instantly smirking his famous smirk. "If it isn't little Y/F/N Y/L/N."

"I'm surprised to see you back in town," I said, resisting the urge to look him up and down.

"Did you miss me?" He smirked.

"No," I didn't hesitate. "But now I miss the peace that was here when you weren't."

I started to reach for the box of granola bars, but Tyler snatched it. "Really?" I mumbled under my breath.

"I seem to remember you always had several of these in your backpack in high school," he chuckled as he pretended to read the nutritional facts. He smirked at me before dropping it into his handbasket.

"And something tells me you're not going to give me the last box," I scoffed, grabbed my shopping cart, and started walking the other way.

"We could make an exchange," Tyler said after he jogged to catch up with me.

"You have nothing I would want," I scoffed.

"Not even in exchange for the only food I've ever seen you eat?" He chuckled.

"Nope," I said, grabbing some cereal.

"You're no fun," he pouted.

"Yep."

"You haven't changed, have you, Y/L/N?"

"You shouldn't change perfection, Owens."

* * * * *

After my weird run-in with Tyler, I went home and instantly ordered my favorite granola bars on Amazon. I then used a bottle of wine to help me forget about our town's hero.

When I went to work the next day, the students were all buzzed. I had no idea why until I heard a certain conversation.

"Can you believe he's here?" One of my female students giggled.

"Isn't he from here?" Her friend asked.

"He is!" Another one of their friends added. He did a video a few years ago, and they talked about how he grew up here and even went to this school!"

"Wait," the first girl said, "didn't Ms. Y/L/N go to this school when she was our age?"

I kept my focus on my computer, hoping they wouldn't do what I thought they were about to do.

They did.

"Ms. Y/L/N, we have a question."

"What's up, girls?" I asked.

"Is it true that you went to school here?" They started with a warm-up question. They did this all the time.

"I did," I nodded, leaning back in my chair and embracing myself for the question they really wanted to ask me.

"Is it true that Tyler Owens, the Tornado Wrangler, went to school with you?"

"He did," I sighed. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes when they squealed.

"We know he's gorgeous, but what was he like in person?"

"Is he sweet?"

"Is he funny?"

"Was he always the 'risk his life to save others' type?"

"He is basically the town's hero! Did he ever save you?"

"Girls," I cut them off, "I'll answer your questions if you answer mine."

"Sure!"

"Have you finished your assignment?" I smirked when they looked at each other. I almost laughed when they sighed and walked back to their desks. Luckily, the bell rang before they could come back and ask me those questions.

At the end of the day, I finished a few things before heading out. By then, it was raining. I pulled my jacket over my head and ran to my car. As I got in, I debated whether driving home in this weather could be unsafe, but there was no sign of it letting up.

My need for comfy clothes and a glass of wine convinced me to risk it. I carefully pulled out of the staff parking lot and headed home. I got to a red light and looked at the clouds, wondering if this would turn into a Tyler Owen's Worthy Storm. When the light turned green, I didn't hesitate to go.

I should've hesitated.

Right as I went through the intersection, another car ran the red light. I didn't have time to react before they hit my back tire. My car started spinning but there was nothing I could do to get out of it. Suddenly, I heard a large bang and my car stopped spinning.

I looked around but nothing made sense. I couldn't recognize any landmarks. I couldn't even remember what light I was at when I got hit.

"Y/N?!"

I couldn't respond. My head was spinning too much. I reached up, gasping in pain when I touched something wet.

"Y/N, are you alright?"

When I brought my hand back down, there was blood on my fingers. I leaned my head against the headrest, waiting for the spinning to stop.

"Shit, you're bleeding," the voice said. "Y/N, unlock the door."

I could feel my hand shaking as I hit the unlock button. As soon as I did, the door swung open. Someone knelt next to me, gently putting their wet hand on my knee. I could feel the rain hitting my face.

"Y/N," they said, their voice softer this time. "Look at me. Please?"

When I did, it took a second before I realized who it was. "Tyler?" I stuttered.

"Oh good," he joked. "You didn't hit your head so hard that you forgot about me."

"I wish I had," I mumbled as I looked away.

"You wanna know something, Y/L/N?" He chuckled. "I don't think you actually hate me. I think you pretend to hate me so I don't find out that you have a crush on me."

"You wanna know something, Owens?" I repeated his question, slowly lifting my head and looking at him. "I would. . ."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the headrest when it got too painful to try and focus on his face.

"We can bicker later," he said lightly. "Right now, let's get you some help. He grabbed my hand as he stayed squatting down but called 911.

Tyler stayed with me the whole time. He was right by my side, getting soaked in the rain, as we waited for the ambulance. Even as they put me in the back and took me to the hospital, Tyler stayed in the rain, watching.

* * * * *

I was only in the hospital for a night. I called the school and let them know what happened. They didn't hesitate to cover my classes for me and reassure me that they could handle things until I was better.

When I got home, I instantly collapsed on the couch. I put on a show I was binging before the accident and soon fell asleep on the couch. I woke up about an hour later to someone knocking.

"Tyler," I gasped when I opened the door. I subconsciously wrapped my cardigan tighter around me. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were released from the hospital earlier this morning and I wanted to see how you were feeling," he said, shoving his hands into his back pockets.

"I'm fine," I sighed.

"Are you sure? It was a bad accident," he shrugged. Something in his eyes changed. "Your car spun out and you ended up hitting. . ."

"I know," I cut him off, looking away from his weirdly soft eyes. "It was just a concussion."

"But it must've been scary," he said softly. I looked back at him, my heart feeling like it was in my throat.

"I don't remember it much," I mumbled.

"You don't?" He asked, taking a small step toward me.

"I remember my car spinning out," I recalled slowly. "And trying to turn out of it. Then. . . nothing."

"Y/N," he said softly.

"What are you doing?" I snapped, breaking this weird tension.

"What do you mean?" He chuckled.

"This," I said, gesturing between him and me. "You coming and checking on me. Being sweet. Saving me."

"Y/N," he gently cut me off. "Do you really think I'm the kind of guy who'd watch you get in a car accident and not help you?"

"You did it in high school," I said, dropping my voice.

As I stared at him, I remembered the day in high school when I got rear-ended on my way home from school. I still remember being on the phone, waiting for my dad to answer, and seeing Tyler drive by in his truck.

"Y/N. . ." He stuttered.

"Thank you for checking on me," I said, clearing my throat, "but I'm fine. In fact, I should probably get some rest."

Before he could say anything else, I shut the door.

* * * * *

A few hours later, I sighed when there was a knock on the door. I stood up but had to stop because I felt dizzy. When it passed, I slowly made my way to the door.

"Tyler," I stuttered. "What are you doing here? Again?"

"I wanted to apologize," he said. "I know we had our weird back-and-forth growing up, but I want you to know that I didn't hate you when we were younger. I've never hated you, Y/N."

I smirked as I folded my arms and leaned against the doorframe. "So the time you stole my science notes and spilled soda all over them? Or the time you wrote swear words on my notecard for our biology exam? Or the time you almost tripped me at graduation?"

"Don't you notice flirting when you see it?"

"Bullshit," I scoffed a little too soon.

I saw the look on his face drop. Only for a second though. He quickly recovered his annoying smirk. My heart jumped into my throat when he took a step closer, instantly feeling like he was towering over me.

"Clearly, I need to take a more direct approach."

"Direct approach?" I repeated. "Tyler, what are you. . ."

He cut me off by grabbing my face and pressing his lips to mine. I wasn't sure what to do. My mind was racing and all I could focus on, besides Tyler's surprisingly soft hands holding my face, was the feeling of his lips on mine. Sooner than I would've liked, he broke the kiss.

"I may not have stayed," he whispered, "but I called the police."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, matching his tone.

"That day," he continued, dropping his hands from my face, "in high school. When you got into your crash, I froze. I kept driving because I didn't know what to do. When I got home, I instantly called the cops. I didn't even tell my mom until after I had gotten off the phone."

"Why are you telling me this?" My voice was now under my breath.

"Because when I saw your accident yesterday, I didn't freeze," he said gently. "I knew I had to do something. And fast. I couldn't drive away again."

"I shouldn't have brought that up," I stuttered.

"No, it's okay," he cut me off. "I was wrong not to do anything in high school. I should've stayed around. I should've helped you."

"You did tonight," I said, my voice dropping again. I couldn't help but smile when I thought about the girls in my class the other day.

"What?" He asked, his playful smirk returning.

"It's something my students said the day of the accident."

Tyler smiled as he reached up and moved some hair out of my face, his hand lingering on my face. "What did they say, Ms. Y/L/N?" He lightly teased.

"You really are this town's hero."

Tyler laughed, slightly shaking his head. "I only care about being one person's hero," he said, slowly leaning in.

"Who's?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Yours."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I ignored all the doubts that flooded my brain as our lips started moving in sync. I grabbed the front of his flannel, pulling him closer to me. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Oh!" He broke the kiss suddenly. "I almost forgot."

Confusion flooded me as Tyler stepped slightly out my front door and grabbed something from the ground. When he turned back toward me, he was holding a box of my favorite granola bars.

"I believe I owe you these."

[s0fter-sin]

cw mild horror

johnny moves into a new house with his dog riley after his last relationship implodes

it's on the older side, a fixer upper; a project he can lose himself in so he doesn't have to let himself think of how his ex used him up just to toss him aside. the backyard's huge with a cluster of trees ringing the property that look beautiful in the sunset. it even has a basement, rarely seen in the uk, that's perfect to store all the supplies he'll need to fix the place up

the only downside is how far away it is from everything; it takes a good hour to drive to anything

but johnny has riley and that's all he needs

he talks to him as he works on the place; promises a new start for them both, that this could be the place they always needed. sure it's old and the groans and scratches that occasionally come from the walls can be a bit unsettling and the smell coming from the dumbwaiter is… concerning but johnny needs this place to work; he needs something to go right and be his and if that thing is a slightly creepy house then so be it

it was a steal; he still can't believe how cheap he got it considering the size of the block but the realtor seemed all too happy to be rid of it. she couldn’t tell him much about the place beyond the size of the land and that it only belonged to two people since it was built; the original owner who built it before it went abandoned for a decade or so until it was bought by a young couple who owned it for over thirty years

he asked about the couple, if they were happy in the long years they lived here, but she just said it wasn’t her place to say. johnny just shrugged; guess confidentiality extends beyond doctors these days

riley sticks by his side as he evaluates the house, figuring out what needs to be done and what to prioritise. he gives himself a week to wallow, living out of boxes with battery powered lanterns to light his - admittedly dismal - dinners before he gets to work. he decides to start with the wiring and old electricity box in the basement. riley occasionally gets distracted by some smell in the old vents but always coming back when johnny starts talking again

it's late by the time he gets the lights to finally stay on so he decides to shower in his newly lit bathroom and turn in

he's laying in bed, hair still wet, when he hears the scratch of riley's nails on the floorboards and sighs, swinging an arm down the side of the bed for pets if riley wants them; wiggling them in invitation when feels his breath on his fingers

"am i doing the right thing?" he asks him. "just- up and leavin'? i don't miss him. i don't... but... should i have tried to make it right 'stead of runnin' with my tail between my legs?"

riley's breaths are all that answer him

then he remembers his ex's apathetic face when he walked in on him in their living room; when he looked him right in the eyes and didn't even bother to stop his moans or hide the legs slung around his waist

"that shouldn't be on me," he growls. "he's the one who decided to nail that goddamn tart- i shouldn't be the one to have to fix shit. he should've been the one on his knees beggin' me to stay."

and he did beg- begged him not to sell the flat he owned and already paid off, the one his ex never spent a dime on rent on yet still had the audacity to ask to stay until he found a new place to fuck his side piece in

"just... why didn't he try?" he whispers. "...why wasn't i enough?"

johnny flinches as riley's tongue laps at his fingers, thick and wet and gross, and he huffs a laugh. "you're right," he smiles. "we're better off without him. just you and me, aye boy?"

he doesn't stop licking and johhny laughs again, pulling his hand back to wipe off on the sheets

"nasty boy," he chuckles. "least you love me."

a whine comes from the bedroom door and johnny frowns, looking over as the door swayed open; he thought he treated those hinges already, the sound was driving him nuts

bloody old place, he groans, sitting up-

and freezes when riley cocks his head at him from the doorway

johnny's throat constricts, ice flooding his system while the warm, wet saliva still on his hand burns. his neck protests as he slowly turns to his left, his quickening breaths roaring in his ears; everything in him begging him to not to look-

and screams when he sees a pair of brown eyes and wet lips spread in a wild grin before the man throws himself back into the vent in the wall

the same scratching and groaning johnny’s heard since the day he moved in following him as he crawls somewhere inside the house

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 10

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9)

Would you look at that, I'm finally making it before the new episode again. Can you believe. Also, when I started writing this at first I thought that this one wasn't gonna be as long as my recent ones this time, but no. It's still at over 10k words. Oops. Someone shut me up.

HAVE FUN <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: After a turbulent roadtrip through the country, Style finally has his boyfriend back. Yay.

No. 1: Goodbyes

(Ok yes I am cheating with this section cover pic bc I stole it from the official THK twitter account instead of taking a screenshot directly from the episode as I usually do, but I'm just upset that we never got to see Fadel grab Style in the actual episode and so I'm commemorating it here, bye <3)

Their little island getaway is over and the hitmen drop their normie-boyfriends off at Style's place. Fadel reminds Style to change the bandage regularly and Style asks if they're not gonna be spending the night together and I'm already crying, because I'm already reminded of episode 6 only two lines into the new episode. Back in episode 6 Fadel was going on a mission and Style wanted him to stay the night so bad and back then Style couldn't even tell Fadel that he was fully aware of where Fadel was going and what Fadel was doing. Now in episode 10 everyone is aware of everything and yet Fadel still won't spend the night before the mission with Style. Style isn't happy about it, but accepts Fadel's decision without an argument. He does ask Fadel to call him and keep him updated, though. And again I cry as I remember how last time Fadel went on his mission, Style didn't hear from Fadel for an entire week and was worried sick about him. Style doesn't wanna go through that very same experience again. Fadel agrees to call and keep him updated, but then immediately also says that they shouldn't be in touch for a while for safety reasons. Style nods unhappily.

Then the hitmen drive off and the normie-boyfriends are left staring sullenly after the jeep. Kant is back to his usual pessimistic self, asking "Why do I have a feeling that we won't see them again?" This time even Style is too worried to act as the optimistic counterpart. Instead, Kant's comment clearly stresses him out and he scolds Kant not to jinx it. Style looks down and Kant puts a comforting arm around his shoulder. There isn't much they can do apart from waiting it out.

No. 2: When Will Our Husbands Return From War

As if the episode 6 callbacks from the first scene weren't enough, Style and Kant are now back at the restaurant where we saw them in episode 6, too. Back then, the brothers were just about to go on their mission and Style and Kant couldn't stop them, because they couldn't exactly tell them that they knew about their plans. This time around, the brothers already are on their mission, and despite everyone being aware of everything, Style and Kant still failed to stop them. Kant especially is quite irked by this as he goes on a rant. Style agrees, and while he's not exactly happy about the situation, he still seems to be taking it fairly well considering the circumstances. Or at least he seems to be dealing with it a little better than Kant is in that moment. Style does suggest Kant does a little sniffing around to see what their boyfriends are up to, but Kant reminds him that he already knows exactly what their boyfriends are doing. The problem isn't that Style and Kant don't know what Fadel and Bison are off doing, the problem is that they couldn't convince Fadel and Bison not to do it. Kant certainly couldn't stop Bison and he's convinced Fadel wouldn't listen to Style either. Style realizes that Kant is right. As much as they both hate it, in the end there isn't much the two of them can do except to wait for their husbands to return from war.

No. 3: Let Me Help

Let me just say, considering how similar both of the FadelStyle and the KantBison reunions are, I think that before Style and Kant left the restaurant in the above scene they did come up with a plan that wasn't just "let's wait for our husbands to return from war". And I think the plan is: "instead of sitting around, if we can't keep them from going on their mission, then let's get them to let us help them by acting pouty and grumpy so that they'll agree to take us along on their mission". Because both the KantBison as well as the FadelStyle scene have the normie-boyfriends acting upset only to end with them asking to help. However, I'm not sure Style actually needs to do a whole lot of acting here. Because I think he has valid reasons to be legitimately upset with Fadel.

Also, there's been debate about whether a time skip happened or not, and personally I'm leaning towards team time skip, because Style's gunshot wound is nothing but a band-aid by this point. Although, to be fair the injuries didn't seem to be a big deal when they were playing frisbee in the ocean either, so who knows with the healing times in this show. Might as well have been just a day or two that has passed 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, the scene starts with Fadel grabbing Style out of nowhere and shoving him into something. This is the third time this has happened over the course of the series and the fourth time in total that Fadel has ambushed Style from behind. Style is genuinely startled and I do wonder if Style re-lived that trauma of having been drugged and abducted at the hospital for a second there when Fadel grabbed Style's mouth like that. It genuinely scares Style for a moment and this would already be the first reason he has to be upset with Fadel in this scene, if we're already counting that. Because as much as he loves Fadel and even if he doesn't hold it against him at all, getting ambushed, drugged, abducted, tied up and held at gunpoint is quite a traumatic string of events to go through and I like to think that it left at least some subconscious marks on Style. He was also startled in the locker room (episode 2) and in the greenhouse (episode 4), but in both scenes, which both happened pre-abduction, his heart didn't nearly stop the way it does now (first of all, he explicitly tells Fadel "You scared me" and second of all, it's also in the heavy breathing. His breathing is much calmer in the other two scenes).

Fadel apologizes and Style is confused as to why Fadel is even here without a heads-up, because "Didn't you say we needed to stay away for a while?" Fadel explains "I can't help thinking about you" and.... well, in Thai he's actually more specific than that:

I'm worried about you. ก็กูเป็นห่วงมึงอ่ะ [gôh - guu - bpen hùuang - mueng - àh] well - I - be worried (about), be concerned (about) - you - [particle]

Fadel worries about Style and he immediately proves it when he continues to ask about Style's wound. Style tell him the wound doesn't hurt anymore, but "My heart hurts more". Style is really snappy and I think some of that anger is certainly played up to reach his goal, but I do think it comes from a genuine place as he explains a bit later: "You hurt my feelings. I thought you trusted me. You know I know everything, but still you push me away." And let me just...

I'm hurt that you don't trust me. น้อยใจนะเว้ย ที่มึงไม่ไว้ใจกู [nói-jai - ná - wóiie • tîi - mueng - mâi - wái-jai - guu] hurt, upset, offended - [particle] - [particle] • that - you - not - trust - me Official subs: You hurt my feelings. I thought you trusted me.

Style is much more direct in Thai and he's actually accusing Fadel here. It's not just "I was under the impression that you trusted me now, but apparently I was wrong and the fact that I was wrong hurts me", it's actually "You are still not willing to trust me after everything and your distrust hurts me". And I think Style is right to feel upset about that. The two of them have been through so much at this point and Style has proven over and over again that he is worthy of Fadel's trust, but even now that there are no lies, no acts between them anymore, Fadel still won't trust him 100%. When Style's worked so hard to regain Fadel's trust the past two episodes. Style himself has been all in since episode 4 (he told him as much in the "be my boyfriend" scene) and I think it hurts Style that the person he loves won't return the same trust on an equal level. Especially when Style was literally here trusting Fadel even through the constant death threats, down to the moments where Fadel actually was about to shoot him dead. And yet, Style's trust remained. But Fadel still won't return the favor. Instead, Fadel is just pushing him out of his life again. That may have been a fun challenge for Style in the first couple of episodes, but now that genuinely hurts his feelings as I've already discussed in detail in my ep9 meta as well. Style loves Fadel and he cares about Fadel sooo so much and he just wants to be part of Fadel's life, dammit.

Fadel explains "Well, I'm worried about you.* I don't want you getting caught in the crossfire."

*กูเป็นห่วงมึงไง [guu - bpen hùuang - mueng - ngai] I - be worried (about), be concerned (about) - you - [particle] Official subs: I'm doing this for you.

But Fadel's worry still doesn't solve Style's issue of feeling like Fadel doesn't trust him and it still doesn't solve Style's issue of Fadel not letting Style participate in his life and it still doesn't solve the issue of Style explicitly asking Fadel to call him and to keep him updated and then Fadel just turning off his phone: "So you'd rather I wonder whether you're dead or alive? You think that'll make me happy?"

Style has been through this before. Last time Fadel went on a mission to kill Ruerat, he went completely MIA for an entire week and Style spent that week worried sick about him, stopping by the restaurant every single day (it's canon to me, idc idc). That week really wasn't fun for Style and neither was the time he's spent waiting this time around. Style hates the idea of their relationship to continue like this for the next foreseeable future. He doesn't wanna spend his life waiting to see if his loved ones live or die. Style has been through this before, and not just in episode 6, but also in his past as @nabi-unveiled points out: Style lost his mother to cancer and so he's familiar with the feeling of having to wait it out while not knowing how it will end. And back then, it ended in his mother's death. He doesn't want to go through this again. Style is legitimately upset and angry now and he voices his feelings in the most Style way possible: "It hurts more than getting shot."

And all that Fadel has to say on that? Is:

Can you not be so dramatic? มึงอย่าเวอร์ได้ป่ะ [mueng - yàa - wer - dâai - bpà] you - not, don't - be dramatic, exaggerate - can, be able to - ? Official subs: You’re so dramatic.

Fadel actually uses the slang term เวอร์ [wer] which I actually already went over in my ep3 meta. One of my irl-friends explained it to me a few months ago and I don't remember her exact wording (it was an oral conversation while we were out and about, not a written one) but she told me it comes from the English word "over" and it is used in the context of indicating that someone is being too much in the sense of someone is overdoing something (someone is doing/saying something that is "over" the level that the situation calls for). This article translates this slang term as "exaggerate" or "overstate" or "overreact". I'm going with "dramatic" for some consistency, since we've heard that in the series before.

"Can you not be so dramatic? (Can you not exaggerate/overreact/overdo it)?" Fadel asks and Style is offended at that request:

You always claim I'm dramatic. มึงก็หาว่ากูเวอร์ตลอดอ่ะ [mueng - gôh - hăa wâa - guu - wer - dtà-lòt - àh] you - [sentence link] - accuse of, claim - "over", exaggerate, overdo - always - [particle] Official subs: You love calling me that.

Yeah, Style actually repeats the slang term, so literally, when Fadel asks "Can you not 'wer'?", Style replies "You always claim I 'wer'."

This is funny, because I quickly skipped through all the FadelStyle scenes at 2x speed (no time for a proper rewatch if I have any hope of publishing this before ep11 drops) and if I didn't miss any, there were exactly two (2) instances of Fadel using เวอร์ [wer]. One of them I already discussed in my ep3 meta: when Style helps Fadel work at the diner in the scene where Fadel comes out to offer Style a burger he says "Don't 'wer'" when Style goes "You like me now, don't you?" The other instance is in episode 7 at the hospital when Style is really worried about Fadel's well-being, Fadel also tells him not to "wer". Other times when the subtitles have Fadel say something about drama, he actually uses the word ดราม่า which is literally the word "drama" transliterated in Thai letters. He uses it in the same episode 3 scene from above when he says "Don't be dramatic" after Style laments being exploited and he also uses the word "drama" when he tells Style to stop being dramatic when Style is crying in episode 8.

Either way, Fadel's words hurt Style. It hurts him that Fadel isn't taking his feelings seriously and instead undermines them. And so he tells Fadel: "If you really believe that, just go." I actually wanna share two other possible translations/interpretations of the line:

If that's the only way you think, then just go.

If you think nothing but that, then just go.

ถ้ามึงคิดแต่อย่างเงี่ย มึงก็ไปเลย [tâa - mueng - kít - dtàe - yàang ngîia • mueng - gôh - bpai - loiie] if - you - think - nothing but, only - like this, this way • you - then - go - [particle for emphasis]

And again, even if it is a ploy to get their boyfriends to yield, I think Style is legitimately angry about this. Because Style wants to be taken seriously in this relationship. Style also has feelings and he wants Fadel to take his feelings as seriously as Style takes Fadel's feelings. And he certainly doesn't wanna be told "you feelings don't matter" or "you're exaggerating" or "this is not a big deal". Only two episodes ago Fadel asked Style "You think that you deceiving me wasn't a big deal?" and Style took his anger seriously and acknowledged that what he did to Fadel was, in fact, a big deal. Now Style is the upset one and instead of Fadel taking him seriously or acknowledging Style's hurt in any way, again Style only gets told to stop overdoing it. And it's happened a couple of times. Back in episode 4 when Style was upset about getting nailed-and-bailed, instead of taking Style's hurt seriously Fadel took him out in the woods and nearly killed him (and then it actually ended with Style being the one comforting Fadel, even though Style was initially the upset one). It happened again in episode 8 when Style was crying himself to sleep and all he got from Fadel was "stop being dramatic" (Style doesn't know Fadel nearly broke and even if Fadel almost comforted him after all it doesn't change the fact that in the end, Fadel didn't, and Style still went to through the experience of crying himself to sleep uncomforted that night). And it's happening again now, where Style is legitimately upset and Fadel just undermines his feelings, telling him he's exaggerating. Style has a dramatic way of phrasing things, that's true, but it doesn't make his feelings any less real or any less important than Fadel's. And if it's always Style taking Fadel seriously and being there for him and offering him comfort, but then in return Style gets left hanging... Well, that's not the kind of relationship Style wants to have.

He wants a relationship on equal footing and what's more, in addition to Fadel not taking Style's hurt seriously, if Fadel keeps Style out of his life he might as well just not date Style at all. Because he can't just say he's Style's boyfriend and then not even participate or let Style participate in this relationship. Either Fadel is in for this relationship or he's out, but if he's out then that relationship is off, because again, that's not the kind of relationship that Style wants to have.

Style very firmly tells Fadel:

Really, go. No need to come back again. ไปจริงๆ ไม่ต้องกลับมาอีก [bpai - jing jing • mâi dtông - glàp maa - ìik] go - really, for real • no need - come back, return - again Official subs: Go, and don't come back.

The choice is Fadel's now: either Fadel starts taking Style's feelings seriously and starts taking Style's needs into consideration or Fadel can continue to keep Style out of his life, in which case Style will also keep Fadel out of his own life. In other words, they'll be over. Because this is not going to be just a one-sided relationship. Style isn't having that, no matter how much Style loves Fadel. He shoves Fadel and walks away.

Fadel catches Style's wrist. And I kinda love that, because last episode we had Fadel walking off grumpily and Style catching his wrist and pulling him back to make up with him and now we have Style walking off angrily and this time around Fadel has to make an effort to stop Style and to make up with him. And so Fadel grabs Style, pulls him back and tells him "I don't want to lose you". Yeah, exactly. Neither does Style. That's exactly what Style is so angry about right now. Because at the end of the day his anger boils down to him not wanting to lose Fadel. And now he finally gets to say what he's been meaning to say since the start: "That's why you need to let me help you." Fadel goes through a whole range of emotions while Style watches him, waiting. There is only one correct answer and Fadel knows it. And Style knows that Fadel knows it.

No. 4: Team Meeting

It worked. The hitmen brothers both agreed to let their normie-boyfriends help on their mission. Style is absolutely delighted and stoked about this, because he's fully back to confidently dropping flirty lines at any possible opportunity he gets. Fadel asks "Are you sure you want to do this?" and without missing a beat Style goes "Hell yeah. When I'm in, I'm all in, body and soul." As @clemelntine notes, Style's words parallel his words from when he was talking to Kant in the locker room back in episode 5. And if we take a look at the original wording we can see that this is even more so the case in Thai:

→ Someone like me puts all of their body and all of their heart into everything they do. คนอย่างกูอ่ะ ทำอะไรลงทั้งตัวทั้งใจอยู่แล้ว [kon - yàang - guu - àh • tam - à-rai - long - táng - dtuua - táng - jai - yùu láew] person - like - me - [particle] • do - something - enter (in) - whole, all - body - whole, all - heart, mind, spirit

For comparison, in episode 5 he says:

→ My body is already in it. ตัวก็ลงไปแล้ว [dtua - gôh - long bpai - láew] body - [sentence link] - enter (in) - already Official subs: I compromised my whole body, → And I gotta confess สารภาพเลยนะ [săa-rá-pâap - loiie - ná] confess - [particle for emphasis] - [particle] Official subs: and if we're being honest, → my heart is half in it already as well. ใจกูก็ไปครึ่ง​หนึ่งแล้วอ่ะ [jai - guu - gôh - bpai - krêung nèung - láew - àh] heart, mind, spirit - mine - also, too - go - one half - already - [particle] Official subs: I've already compromised half of my heart, too.

Five episodes later and it's not just all of Style's body and only half of his heart that is in, but now it's his whole body plus his entire heart that is in and that he also actively puts in. And not just that, his whole body and his whole heart are Fadel's, he's offered it all to Fadel in episode 8:

→ Take all of my cars, all of my body, and all of my heart. เอาไปทั้งรถทั้งตัวแล้วทั้งใจไปเลยนะ [ao bpai - táng - rót - táng - dtuua - láew - táng - jai - bpai - loiie - ná] take (away) - all of - car - all of - body - and - all of - heart, mind, spirit - away - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Take my cars, my body, my heart.

And now here Style is, announcing without any hesitation that he actively puts his whole body and heart into everything. And what I love about this is that when he's speaking? His facial expression is serious and the tone of his voice is also very firm and determined and rather serious. But as soon as he finishes his sentence you can see just how much he fails to keep a straight, serious "I mean business" face. Style is so overjoyed that Fadel is finally including him and that he finally gets to be by Fadel's side that he can't stop smiling about it.

Fadel thinks Style is just exaggerating again and scolds him: "Don't say that just to be cool." Without missing a beat, Style replies "I'm not saying it to be cool, I'm saying it to be yours." In Thai, this is a pun on เอาเท่ [ao têh] (= "to be cool) and เอาเธอ [ao ter] (= "to get you" in the sense of wanting, taking). Also, pronoun switch! Because in his flirty line Style switches from the rude mueng that he usually uses with Fadel to the much sweeter ter. If you're unfamiliar with Thai pronouns, this is the you-pronoun that is typically used in love songs and many couples like to use it. Actors in CPs will also use this pronoun to tease their partner with a flirty line or joke. Style's deliberate use of ter makes his flirty line sound even flirtier than it already is (and I love that we actually did get a ter drop, because people were speculating about it after one of Dunk's lives this summer where he used "ter" as a pronoun to get across the gist of some scene that his mom helped him run lines for).

Kant announces that he too is all in and that he's qualified because of his past occupations. Style doesn't exactly have a criminal past or anything (as far as we know?), but he's confident in his abilities anyway:

No need to worry about my skills to get through situations smoothly. สกิลความเนียนของกูอ่ะ ไม่ต้องห่วงเลย [skill - kwaam niian - kŏng guu - àh • mâi dtông - hùuang - loiie] skill - smoothness - of me, my - [particle] • no need - worry, be worried - [particle] Official subs: You don't have to worry about me. Otherwise I wouldn't have made you be this crazy about me. ไม่งั้นไม่ทำให้มึงคลั่งรักกูขนาดนี้หรอก [mâi ngán - mâi - tam hâi - mueng - klâng rák - guu - kà-nàat níi - ròk] otherwise - not - make that, cause - you - crazy in love - me - like this, this much - [particle] Official subs: I'm good enough to make this dude fall for me, aren't I?

Yeah. Style has the audacity to say it straight to Fadel's face, not just because he's looking at him, but because he also explicitly addresses Fadel with "you". Gotta love his confidence. Style is truly in the bestest of moods now that he has his boyfriend back by his side and said boyfriend also lets him participate in his life. And again, Style can't stop smiling, especially when Fadel meets his eyes:

And again Fadel thinks that Style is just playing around and tells him off: "Stop joking. This is important to the two of us." But the thing is, Style isn't actually joking. Even if he's in a good mood right now, he still seriously means it when he says:

Your life is my life. ชีวิตมึงอ่ะ เหมือนชีวิตกูเหมือนกันนะเว้ย [chii-wít mueng - àh • mĕuuan - chii-wít guu - mĕuuan gan - ná wóiie] your life - [particle] • like - my life - also - [particle] Official subs: Your life is as important to me as my own.

Fadel is important to Style, no joke. Fadel doesn't have an answer. Bison suggests splitting up in teams to do some snooping and Fadel asks one more time if anyone wants to back off from this mission. He even looks directly at Style when he says "It's not too late to back off." But there is no way that Style is backing off now. As he told (and showed) Fadel last episode, Style is a man of his words. Also, he just wants this whole thing to be over so that he and Fadel don't have to live in fear. Besides, he's also sick of have to keep a distance from Fadel. Style is absolutely determined to be part of this mission, because he himself also has something to gain from it.

Style holds out his hand. One by one the rest puts their hand in, too. Well, except for Fadel. Kant gestures for Fadel to join and Fadel makes a skeptical face. Bison tries to encourage him with words, but it's only when Fadel looks over to Style that he rolls his eyes exasperatedly and also puts his hand in at last. As much as Fadel hates to see Style tag along on this dangerous mission, there is absolutely no way he can convince Style to stay out of it and Fadel knows it. And Style knows that Fadel knows it. He throws Fadel a very happy and pleased smile when Fadel puts his hand in and announces that he can finally have a boyfriend without being afraid of dying. When everyone except Fadel sits back down again, Fadel still looks pretty grumpy. Style grabs his hand and smiles at him encouragingly. And I'm almost offended that he doesn't kiss Fadel's hand when it's right. there. in front of his very lips. How is that not tempting?? I'd kiss that hand if it was my best friend, even, ngl.

No. 5: We're Off on a Secret Mission

Just as agreed in their team meeting, Fadel and Style go after Keen. And of course their mission has to start with them immediately bickering. We wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Fadel rebukes Style for not being inconspicuous enough and I laugh, because even though Style is the least experienced of them all, he still does a better job at it than Known Killer Bison who in a bit will just. STROLL AROUND ON THE GOLF COURSE IN HIS MOTHER'S LINE OF SIGHT????? More or less???? Make it make sense... 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, Style asks Fadel what he knows about Keen and we, too, finally get some insight into what Fadel and Bison's relationship is with Keen exactly. They were adopted together. He's the office guy. They don't actually have much to do with him, nor do they care much about him. Style feels bad for Keen. And somehow that seems right for Style. To me he seems like the kind of guy who'd want people to feel included. But then Fadel informs Style that this exact pitiful guy was the one who tried to kill them. Nevermind. Fuck this guy. Pity is out, revenge is in. Style wants to get back at him. But Fadel asks him: "What are you gonna do? Shoot him?"

Guys!! If you remember, in my ep9 meta I was wondering if all the references to Style with a gun (here's a collection, if you didn't read my ep7 and ep8 meta) was foreshadowing to Style getting shot in the store to help Fadel. But no. After a little break in episode 9, our Style + guns counter is back. We're at 6. And with Fadel asking "Can you even kill people?", in addition to wondering if Style will be shooting someone in the future, I am now also wondering if Style will not only shoot, but potentially also kill someone in the last two episodes (actually, I have been wondering if Style will kill someone since all the way back in episode 6, when Fadel told Style he needed to blend in, but then I was like nah, I don't think the show will go this dark, but he MAY at least injure someone with a gun. But now ep10 has me back on my wait, will Style ACTUALLY be KILLING someone??? bullshit dgfkjdkjgdgfk).

But for now, when asked about his capabilities of killing anyone Style just sits and re-thinks Fadel's words.

Fadel is right. Style isn't as ruthless as Fadel. Style isn't a killer at heart. On the contrary, actually, with the way he always tries to mediate just because he wants everyone involved in the incident to come to as little harm as possible. Style is even self-aware of the fact that he prefers to keep people out of trouble, he explicitly comments on it in episode 3:

I'm just a good looking young man who doesn't want anyone to get into trouble. ผมก็แค่ชายหนุ่มหน้าตาดีที่ไม่อยากให้ใครมีเรื่องกัน [pŏm - gôh - kâe - chaai nùm nâa dtaa dii - tîi - mâi - yàak - hâi - krai - mii rêuuang gan] I - [sentence link] - just - good-looking young man - who - not - want - that, for - anyone - get in trouble Official subs: I'm just a good-looking pacifist.

Yeah. There's no way Style can just up and kill anyone in cold blood, as much as he'd like to get back at Keen for shooting him. Keen gets up to leave and Fadel and Style make a run for it before Keen can spot them.

No. 6: Hide and Seek

Fadel and Style follow Keen to a hotel and watch him enter someone's room. They wonder who he could be meeting and Fadel guesses it could be his faen. Style brings up the point that it's kinda weird for them to meet at a hotel if they really are dating and asks if Keen might be hiding from Lilly. Fadel looks almost proud when he says "And you said you're not much of a detective". Style says he learned it from Fadel, but the thing is that Style actually is a smart boy. Even if he's an idiot (affectionate <3). The reality of the matter is that Style is a smart boy who sometimes makes stupid (or unusual) choices. That doesn't make him unintelligent, though.

Now the question is how they're gonna proceed from here. Wait for Keen to come out of the room again? I think Fadel misunderstands Style's question as impatience a little bit (or maybe he simply just expects Style to ditch him), because he snaps at him: "Can you do that? If you can't wait, just go home."

But instead Style tells him: "Like hell I will. I said I'd help. I won't back down." Style is a man of his words and he will not be going home, thank you very much. He's made his choice to help Fadel and so here he'll be, helping Fadel until the end. And with that he's just proving to Fadel once again just how loyal he is and that he'll be staying by Fadel's side no matter what. In fact, in the end it's even Style who thinks of a way to find out who Keen is with. Not our trained assassin Fadel.

No. 7: Truth Bombs All Around

(Awww look, it's a Star in My Mind cast reunion <3)

Style's plan is as follows: he dresses up as hotel staff and pretends to bring room service. That will give them access to the room and they'll see who Keen is with. Now that could be a good plan, except... did Style forget that Keen has seen him???? Did he forget that he's actually met and talked to Keen in the men's room of the bowling alley???? And even if Style was too tipsy at the time to remember him, only one episode ago Keen literally shot him, so like. he knows Style and Style should also know Keen knows him. What does he think will happen once he sees him????

Well, lucky for Style, it's Keen's boyfriend who opens up the door, not Keen. So that solves the mystery of who exactly he's with. Unlucky for Style, though, Keen does recognize his voice and he's also been expecting Fadel, so if Fadel's boyfriend is here then that must mean Fadel himself is also nearby. And so suddenly Keen appears at the door, gun pointed at Style. The very same gun whose bullet Style has gotten to feel on his own body before. Uncertain, Style turns to Fadel and squints his eyes a little. What now? Fadel doesn't know either. Style turns back to Keen and slowly walks inside the room.

Now, on the outside Style looks pretty calm and collected. But I think on the inside Style is actually terrified this time. Because he's completely silent. In fact, during this entire encounter, from the moment Keen first pulls a gun on him, our chatty cat Style doesn't say a single word until he kicks Keen at the end. Not a single time does Style try to talk himself out of it the way he tried when Fadel was the one pulling a gun on him or when those three men at the host club attacked Fadel. No, instead Style remains quiet, but attentive to the situation the entire time. And I think part of why he doesn't say a single word is because this conflict is between Fadel and Keen and Style is smart enough not to meddle, but I also think part of it is because he is genuinely scared.

Fadel is at the door soon after Style has disappeared inside. Keen guides him inside the room with his gun pointed at Fadel's back and orders him to drop his own gun and to kneel next to Style. Style looks tense and uncomfortable.

And again, I think Style is actually really scared right now. Fadel drops his gun onto the bed and Style stares at it for quite a long while.

That gun isn't gonna help them this time, lying on the bed like that. Fadel kneels next to Style and Style wordlessly stares at Keen, watches him as Fadel talks to him. Keen has the gun on Fadel the entire time and threatens him: "One wrong move..." To showcase what he plans to do if Fadel doesn't abide to his wishes, Keen moves the gun and points it at Style instead. Style immediately turns away.

Keen continues his implicit threat with explicit words: "...and I put a hole through his skull." Again, as calm as Style looks, I think he's actually terrified right now. He can't even look at the gun.

This is very different from any time Fadel was pointing a gun at him. Even when Style was tied up at the pool, he never really shied from the gun except for the very end of the scene where for a brief moment he thinks Fadel is actually about to kill him for real. But during that entire conversation he doesn't even turn away from Fadel that time he gets jumpscared when Fadel suddenly shoves the gun closer while putting his foot on the step and yelling at Style to shut up. But when Keen is the one pointing the gun, things are different. Because with Fadel, Style knew he was going to be fine. Style could handle Fadel. But Keen actually has it out for Style and that very gun that is being pointed at him has hurt him before. Style is severely uncomfortable in this situation. He doesn't say a single word, not even to defend himself. Fadel does tell him "No need to be scared" and I think part of it was to comfort Style, but mostly I think this was actually a stab at Keen. Especially with how Fadel immediately continues by saying "He doesn't have the gut to do that". Keen points the gun at Fadel again. Style continues to stay silent during the brothers' argument. Style doesn't meddle or interfere at all. He keeps completely quiet, paying close attention to what is happening. And so when he takes note of how Keen gets distracted, because he's too emotionally affected by Fadel's words about their parents, Style immediately uses that chance and bravely attacks Keen. From episode 3 we know that Style doesn't actually have the skills for a fight and so again we see that Style will just throw himself into a situation if he thinks he can help somehow, even if he doesn't necessarily have the skill set for it. And we also see how terrible of a fighter Keen himself really is (I had some more thoughts about it here), because Style, who is canonically bad at fist-fights, actually manages to overpower him and wrestle the gun out of his hand. In the meantime Fadel makes a grab for his own gun and threatens Keen with it. Style shoves Keen's boyfriend onto the bed and points Keen's gun at him. The Style + guns counter goes up to 7. At this point either the writers are mocking me or we really will see Style pull that trigger at some point. Keen asks Fadel not to hurt Nont and Fadel snaps: "You dare ask me to spare your boyfriend when you were going to shoot mine?"

Fadel actually repeats the word "boyfriend" in Thai:

You still dare to ask for your boyfriend's life? นี่มึงยังกล้าขอชีวิตแฟนมึงอีกหรอ [nîi - mueng - yang - glâa - kŏr - chii-wít - faen mueng - ìik - rŏr] [interjection] - you - still - dare (to) - ask for, request - life - your boyfriend - again, once more - ? Weren't you going to shoot my boyfriend? ทีมึงจะยิงแฟนกูเลยไม่ใช่หรอ [tii - mueng - jà - ying - faen guu - loiie - mâi châi - rŏr] [particle] - you - will - shoot - my boyfriend - [particle] - no - ?

And I think the repetition is probably just from the way the language works in general, but there's just something about hearing Fadel utter the words "faen guu" ("my boyfriend") that makes my heart sing after him vehemently denying it for two episodes straight. Especially considering how at the time of Keen trying to shoot (and ending up injuring) Style, Fadel was actually still refusing to call Style his boyfriend (although he also didn't outright deny it when Style called them boyfriends). And now he's finally back to explicitly calling Style his boyfriend. We love to see it.

Style still doesn't say a single word, even though he himself was actually very involved in the whole "Keen tried shooting Fadel's boyfriend" plot. In fact, he was a main character in it. Style is clearly out of his element here. This is Fadel's area of expertise and also Fadel's conflict. And so for once, Style shuts up and lets Fadel do all the talking.

First, Fadel was the one dropping truth bombs on Keen. Now Keen is returning the favor: Lilly not only killed their parents but in addition she also had Fadel's ex killed. When those news are out, Style immediately turns his head to check on Fadel:

Style has context now, Style knows Fadel thinks the ex just up and left him without a word. And he knows that this new information greatly changes Fadel's worldview. Fadel and Keen continue to yell at each other and Style doesn't take his eyes off of Fadel. The camera is on Fadel and so we only get short glimpses of Style watching Fadel when the camera moves to the side enough for us to see Style's face for a second, so it's a bit hard to interpret what exactly Style is thinking in this moment, but I think the reason why he's watching Fadel so carefully is first of all, to check on him how he's taking the information and second of all, probably also to see if he's gonna do anything to Keen. But Fadel doesn't. They yell at each other for a bit and then Fadel has to turn around and process things for himself for a moment. The fact that he actually turns his back on Keen shows that Fadel really is back to trusting Style again. Because I don't think he would have just turned away from Keen like that if he didn't trust Style to have his back if Keen tried to attack him in this vulnerable state. Style turns to Fadel a little, still clearly uncomfortable in this situation, unsure what to do or what to say, especially now that such a huge bomb shell was dropped onto the person he loves. And he still doesn't utter a single word.

Fadel takes quite a while to process and when we next see Style, he's looking at Keen and Nont again, his expression now very stern.

The fear has faded. Style is in protective mode now. But he still doesn't say a word. He still doesn't interfere. He just waits to see what Fadel wants to do about this situation. Fadel finally regains his composure and suggests Keen a deal. Then Fadel only says Style's name and gestures with his hand. Style immediately obeys, no questions asked. He grabs Nont and pulls him off the bed. Fadel threatens Keen one more time, then walks away. Style watches Fadel leave the room. Before he follows Fadel out, Style kicks Keen and shouts "That's for shooting me!" and it's satisfying to witness, especially considering that this is Style who rarely ever holds grudges.

Style pulls Nont along as he moves to walk out the room himself. Now the question is... Did Style only take Nont to the door as some sort of human shield in case Keen had any stupid ideas and then let Nont go in the hallway or something? Or did Fadel and Style take Nont as an actual hostage? I guess we'll find out next episode. Hopefully.

No. 8: Hurt/Comfort

When they confronted Keen at the hotel, the sun was still out. Now the sun is long gone. I wonder how much time has passed since Fadel found out the news and what happened in between? Did they stay together? Was Style taking care of Nont first while Fadel already went to sit outside somewhere and that's why Style arrives a little later? Or did they separate? Did Fadel call or text Style to come meet him there, because he was feeling like shit?

Either way, Style finds Fadel sitting on some stone stairs and close to tears. Style stands in front of him for a moment with a concerned look on his face, before he sits down next to Fadel. First thing he does is to gently wipe away a tear that has escaped Fadel's eyes before he asks "Are you alright?" He also tells Fadel "You can talk to me, you know?" and then he just waits. He doesn't pressure Fadel to open up, he leaves the decision to open up entirely up to Fadel. Style always does this, actually. He never pressures Fadel to share if he isn't ready to. Only last episode, when Style was asking about the guy from the picture he waited for Fadel to answer without rushing him and when Fadel ignored the question, Style was quick to apologize and to tell him that it was okay if Fadel didn't want to share. Or in episode 5, when he asked about why Fadel goes to the Rise Up meetings he also patiently waited for Fadel to speak willingly and then waited again only moments later when he asked about how Fadel's parents died. Style offers Fadel a safe space to open up, but ultimately leaves the decision to take and make use of that safe space up to Fadel. It's no different here on the stairs. "You can talk to me," Style says and he wants Fadel to talk to him, to trust him enough to open up and to share his pain with Style, but he absolutely won't pressure Fadel into it. He offers Fadel a safe space and then waits. It takes 13 seconds for Fadel to open up. And when he does, he really talks. As soon as Fadel starts to speak, he shares without any hesitation like he did last episode when he told Style about his ex in the first place. He no longer shares just a sentence or two like he did back in episode 5. It all comes spilling out of Fadel now: "You know what? I've always blamed myself. I thought… He left because of me, because he was scared of me. He didn't want a future with me." Style sits and listens intently. Fadel ends with:

So that's why I don't wanna have anyone. กูก็เลยไม่อยากมีใครไง [guu - gôh loiie - mâi - yàak - mii - krai - ngai] I - as a result, that's why - not - want - have - anyone - [particle] Official subs: That’s why I don’t want to get close to anyone.

Style thinks about Fadel's words for a moment, then looks at him, raises his eyebrows and nods like Yeah, that tracks.

This really does explain a lot. In retrospective, all of Fadel's behavior and actions make so much more sense now with the added context. Style doesn't just think that to himself, but he also tells Fadel explicitly:

Ever since I found out about this, ตั้งแต่กูรู้เรื่องเนี่ย [dtâng dtàe - guu - rúu - rêuuang nîia] since, from - I - know - this thing, this matter Official subs: Now that I found out about this, it makes me understand everything about why you are the way you are. มันทำให้กูเข้าใจความเป็นมึงทุกอย่างเลยนะ  [man - tam hâi - guu - kâo-jai - kwaam bpen mueng - túk yàang - loiie - ná] it - makes that - I - understand - the being you - everything - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: I finally understood you And why it was so difficult to woo you. ว่าทำไมมึงถึงจีบยาก [wâa - tam-mai - mueng - tĕung - jìip - yâak] that - why - you - get to - flirt (with), hit on, woo - difficult Official subs: and why you were so closed-minded before.

Fadel looks up and his jaw clenches for a split second. Style is looking back at him with an attentive expression, almost giving him the tiniest smile.

(Is it just me or does the left corner of his mouth (to our right) twitch very subtly?)

Fadel elaborates on why that is: "I don't want to have any expectations just to be disappointed." Style is still looking at Fadel, still listening intently. He gives just the tiniest nod after Fadel says this.

He empathizes with Fadel. This time Style doesn't say anything, though. He stays quiet again and just lets Fadel continue talking whenever he's ready to share more. And things just continue to spill out of Fadel under tears: "I never thought… that he'd be dead because of me. If only I didn't want to quit my job, if only I didn't get close to him… He'd still be alive." Style looks away from Fadel again, contemplating Fadel's words, his expression serious.

When he looks back at Fadel, there is something on Style's mind that he does want Fadel to hear: "It wasn't your fault. Lilly was the one who had him killed. It was her fault. Don't blame yourself." Style's voice is soft, but there is a bit of an urgency to his tone as he says this. It's important to Style that Fadel understands that he has no reason to continue blaming himself. Style ends his little speech with "You had the full right to love and to want a future with him" and his voice sounds so very gentle and kind. And I just love that the writers never made Style be jealous of the ex, but instead made him so understanding. Style is here to help Fadel work through his trauma, to support him, to be his safe space and his shoulder to cry on. And it's beautiful.

Fadel slowly lifts his head and looks up at Style. The moment their eyes meet, Style tilts his head just a little bit closer to Fadel and that makes it look like he becomes even more focused on Fadel as he waits for Fadel to say something back.

But as it turns out, Fadel can't embrace Style's words right now, can't bring himself to believe them. Because in his experience, things don't go well. And so he drops a bit of a bombshell on Style:

You see it now, don't you, Style? มึงเห็นแล้วใช่มั้ยสไตล์ [mueng - hĕn - láew - châi mái - Style] you - see - already, now - right? - Style Official subs: You see now, Style? That loving me will lead you to death. ว่าการรักกูจะพามึงไปตายอ่ะ [wâa - gaan rák - guu - jà - paa - mueng - bpai - dtaai - àh] that - loving - me - will - lead, bring, take - you - go - die - [particle] Official subs: The only thing my love will lead you to is death.

Yeah. The official translation actually completely turned around the meaning. In Thai Fadel doesn't say that him loving someone is what leads to death, but it's him being loved that leads to death. The problem isn't that Fadel can't love, no, the problem is that Fadel can't be loved. Because the moment someone loves him that person is in danger. Fadel can't allow himself to receive love, because that will lead to dire consequences. This is also why Style later says "You deserve love". It refers right back to this line here and to Fadel being convinced that he can't accept anyone's love. Fadel says "Loving me will lead you to death" and Style swallows, his expression now slightly less soft and more serious compared to how it was before.

Style, believer in the power of love, who loves so ferociously with all his heart, gets told that this very love will be his death sentence if he keeps on loving Fadel specifically. Those aren't exactly cheerful news. You can't love me, because you will die, Fadel tells him and I think that hurts Style, because first of all, it's not exactly a great thing to be told "your feelings will cost you your life" and second of all, I think he's also hurt for Fadel, is hurt that the person he loves so dearly would shy away from receiving love, because to them it's a terrible, traumatic experience. And what's more, I'm pretty sure once's he's heard that line Style understands Fadel is about to drop a break-up speech. And breaking up is absolutely not in the cards for Style.

Fadel looks at him full of desperation and says:

It's better if you leave my life. มึงออกไปจากชีวิตกูเถอะนะ [mueng - òhk bpai - jàak - chii-wít guu - tùh - ná] you - go out, leave - from - my life - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Please just leave me.

Fadel tells Style "I won't even get mad at you" and it's kind of reminiscent of that one time in the beginning of episode 5 where he told Style he'd be cool with it if Style suddenly wanted to back out of the relationship after all. Except now Fadel needs Style to back out of the relationship, because he's terrified for Style's safety. Style looks away and thinks about Fadel's words again, looking almost a little tense now.

This really is a break-up speech and Style definitely doesn't like where it's going. He doesn't say anything yet, though. And Fadel continues:

Live the life you want to live. มึงใช้ชีวิตที่มึงอยากใช้ [mueng - chái chii-wít - tîi - mueng - yàak - chái] you - live life - that - you - want (to) - live (lit. "use") Official subs: Live the life you deserve. Don't entrust your life to me. มึงอย่ามาฝากชีวิดกับกูเลยนะ [mueng - yàa - maa - fàak - chii-wít - gàp - guu - loiie - ná] you - not - come - entrust - life - with - me - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Don’t leave it with me.

Now Style really can't shut up anymore. "Why would you say this?" Style almost sounds kind of offended now. And when he says "It hurts my feelings, you know?" he's really angry. All that softness from before is momentarily gone. And it makes sense for him to be angry now. Only last episode he was angry when everyone just ignored his own agency in this whole thing. And Fadel is about to do the very same thing again. But Style is perfectly capable of making his own choices, especially when it's about how to live his very own life. Fadel can't decide Style's own life choices for him. And what's more: after all this time, does Fadel still not know Style? Does Fadel still not understand just how loyal Style is? Does Fadel still not believe that Style will stick by his side through life and death? Does Fadel still not believe it, despite the fact that Style was literally out there proving it over and over again in episodes 8 and 9? It makes Style really upset that Fadel has so little faith in him. And I think it also hurts him that Fadel would think of him as the kind of person who'd just up and leave the person they love the moment things get difficult and not pretty. "What kind of man do you take me for?" is a question that Style asked Fadel back in episode 3 already after their storage room hook-up. And now the very same question is relevant again. That question is the subtext of when Style asks "Why would you say this?" and Style then also goes on to elaborate on it: "I'm not the type to be scared of dying and ditch the person I love.* I’m not selfish like that."

*กูไม่ใช่พวกที่จะกลัวตายแล้วทิ้งคนที่รักนะ [guu - mâi châi - pûuak - tîi - jà - gluua - dtaai - láew - tíng - kon - tîi - rák - ná] I - not - group, community - that - will - be scared (of), fear - die - and - leave, discard - person - that - love - [particle] Official subs: I'm not the type to leave the one I love to save my life.

The anger in his voice is already gone when he says this. His tone is softer again compared to when he told Fadel that his feelings were hurt, and there is also some slight urgency to his tone again. It's important to Style that his words really reach Fadel. He really needs it to get through to Fadel that there is absolutely no way Style is leaving him, especially not now in this state, in this condition. Not in his wildest dreams would Style ever even think to just abandon the person he loves at rock bottom. Because that's not at all how he views love: "Love is something you fight for together. You stay by each other's side, no matter what obstacles you run into.*"

ต้องอยู่ข้างๆ กันไม่ว่าจะเจออุปสรรคแค่ไหน [dtông - yùu - kâang kâang gan - mâi wâa - jà - jer - ù-bpà-sàk - kâe năi] must - be, stay - by each other's side, next to each other - no matter, regardless of - will - meet, find - obstacle - how many Official subs: Stay by each other's side through every obstacle.

Lilly killing Fadel's old boyfriend and Style's life now also being in danger is an obstacle they're facing in their relationship, but they're gonna face it together. No way Style is gonna ditch Fadel. Because: "If I was scared of you*, I’d have run away the day I found out you’re a hitman."

*ถ้ากูกลัวมึงอ่ะ [tâa - guu - gluua - mueng - àh] if - I - scared of, fear - you - [particle] Official subs: If I was scared,

Yeah. I need you to know that Style is actually more specific in Thai. It's not the entire situation or Lilly or anything else that he's referring to here. No. He's referring to being scared of Fadel specifically and he also explicitly says that. He says "If I was scared of you", in other words he's saying You don't scare me which is something Fadel really needs to hear. Style already told him that last episode when Fadel first opened up about his old boyfriend, and now Style is repeating it, both for emphasis but also as a reminder. Style is not scared of Fadel, because if he was he could have easily backed out much sooner than this. Because the reality of the matter is that initially he was scared of Fadel for a moment right after Kant told him the truth. But then Fadel never gave Style a reason to actually be scared of him and Style fell deeply in love anyway:

But that I'm still staying / But that I still stayed แต่ที่กูยังอยู่ [dtàe - tîi - guu - yang - yùu] but - that - I - still - stay Official subs: But I stay with you is because I love that you're you / is because I love you for being you เพราะกูรักที่เป็นมึง [próh - guu - rák - tîi - bpen - mueng] because - I - love - that - be - you Official subs: because I love who you are. And I'm confident, you know, that you're the person I desire. แล้วกูมั่นใจนะ ว่ามึงคือคนที่กูต้องการ [láew - guu - mân-jai - ná • wâa - mueng - kue - kon - tîi - guu - dtông-gaan] and - I - be certain, confident - [particle] • that - you - are - person - that - I - want, require Official subs: I know for sure that you're the one I want.

I'm not entirely sure about how accurate "desire" is as a translation here, but I chose it for the lack of a better word. In Thai there are actually two words for saying "want": อยาก [yàak] and ต้องการ [dtông-gaan]. I asked my friend about the about the difference and he explained that ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] is more serious, you don't want the thing because you just feel like it, but there's a deeper/more serious reason behind it. The example he gave was if you say you อยาก [yàak] some candy then it's clear that you just wanna have some candy because you feel like eating it, but if you say you ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] candy, then you have a deeper reason for it, like for example you're a diabetic who's sugar levels are getting low. Style uses the more serious word ต้องการ [dtông-gaan] here when he says he wants Fadel. Him wanting Fadel is not just a fleeting mood. Style's voice is very firm now. Style means every single word that he says. And nothing that Fadel says or does will changes Style's stance on this matter. In episode 5 Fadel told Style to judge once he's seen all of Fadel, and this right here is Style making his choice knowing the entire truth of the situation. A choice, that in reality he had already made in episode 5. Style loves Fadel and he's made his choice to be with him five episodes ago and nothing so far has made him want to change his mind. On the contrary, he's just gotten even more determined the better he gets to know and understands Fadel. And it had to be Style. The person to worm his way through Fadel's walls had to be Style. Style, beacon of hope and optimism and unwavering loyalty. Style, who is even more stubborn than Fadel is.

For the past minute, Fadel has now been the one to intently listen to Style's words. When Style finishes his little speech, a tear rolls from Fadel's eye. Style lifts his hand and wipes it away with his thumb. Then he takes Fadel's face into both hands and sighs. He doesn't want to see Fadel this miserable. Style continues to gently wipe away the tears from Fadel's face. Then he tells Fadel: "There's no need to be afraid. You and I will be fine. Everything will turn out alright. Knowing how much you care about me makes me certain that I didn't choose the wrong man. You deserve love just like anyone."

And for those who are curious, here is a more literal translation of the last two sentences:

The more I know how much you care about me, ยิ่งกูรู้ว่ามึงแค่ร์กูขนาดเนี่ย [yîng - guu - rúu - wâa - mueng - kâe - guu - kà-nàat nîia] the more - I - know - that - you - care (about) - me - like this, this much the more I know that I don't love the wrong person. มันยิ่งทำให้รู้นะว่ากูอ่ะ รักคนไม่ผิด [man - yîng - tam hâi - rúu - ná - wâa - guu - àh • rák - kon - mâi - pìt] it - the more - make that, cause - know - [particle] - that - I - [particle] • love - person - not - wrong You deserve love very much. มึงคู่ควรกับความรักมากๆ เลยนะ [mueng - kûu kuuan - gàp - kwaam rák - mâak mâak - loiie - ná] you - deserve, fit - with - love - very much, a lot - [particle for emphasis] - [particle]

When Style says "deserve" he actually uses the word คู่ควร [kûu kuuan] which my friend explained as a very poetic word that isn't really used in real life unless you're being sarcastic. Obviously Style is not being sarcastic here and I think it's sweet that he expresses himself in a poetic way.

Style's voice as he talks to Fadel now is both so firm and determined and urgent, but at the same time it's also so gentle and soft and warm. And it's so very filled with love. Filled to the brim with love. The love that Fadel thinks he's not allowed to accept, because it will lead to his loved ones dying. But Style doesn't care that he might die. Style loves so fully and so wholeheartedly and so earnestly, and he will give Fadel all the love Style knows Fadel so desperately needs. Because Fadel deserves to be loved. And Style will stay right here by Fadel's side, loving him fiercely no matter what dangers they'll face.

When Style is done with his little speech, you can literally see him trying to figure out and thinking hard about whether it's okay to kiss Fadel now. Whether Fadel will be okay with it or if it maybe overwhelms him right now after all of that. But in the end Style raises his eyebrows as he decides Fuck it, I'm kissing him.

And then he leans in slowly, very slowly, so that Fadel has more than enough time to react and to pull away if he feels uncomfortable with being kissed right now. But Fadel lets him, and Style kisses him so very gently with all the love that he has. And actually, even when Fadel has already clearly given his consent by letting Style kiss him in the first place, in the beginning Style still opens his eyes for a brief moment to check Fadel's reaction, to check if Fadel really is okay with being kissed right now.

They break apart and again Style observes Fadel's face intently. Fadel has his undivided attention, nothing matters right now but Fadel and his well-being. Style is gonna make sure Fadel leaves this place feeling much better than when he got here.

But Fadel still looks rather dejected. So Style gently pulls Fadel's head closer and kisses his forehead. Then he goes back to simply just holding Fadel's face and looking at him. And that's when Fadel really breaks. He pulls Style into a sudden hug and cries into his shoulder. It's the second time this has happened and this time Style is actually aware of it. And this time Fadel is fully aware of just how much Style actually truly loves him. Style holds Fadel as Fadel trembles in Style's arms.

Now, the trembling. I wanna talk about the trembling for a moment. Because I have a mother who works in the medical field and she's mentioned on multiple occasion how trauma release can manifest in the body through shaking and trembling. And when I saw that I was like "YES!! YES!!" Because, remember how Style draws tears on Fadel in episode 6? In the episode itself that worked as direct foreshadowing to Fadel crying tears because of Style's "betrayal" of course, but the first time I watched the scene it didn't even occur to me that this could be foreshadowing to the episode ending in Fadel's tears. No, my very first thought upon seeing those drawn tears was "Are those the tears Fadel never got to cry?" And if you read and remember my ep6 meta, when I got to this part I actually wrote:

I do hope later down the line we'll get a scene where Fadel finally lets it all out, let's out all the pain from all the trauma(s) he's been through while Style is right by his side, supporting him through it, is there for him. Because they'll do this together and Style will always be ready to happily offer and create a safe space for Fadel, just like he did in episode 5 when he was asking Fadel about his parents or when he was trying to get Fadel to let lose and dance a little in the bowling alley or now when he's offering to wear matching make-up with Fadel. And when Fadel cries (and I hope he will cry, and not just from Style's "betrayal"), then Style will offer a safe space for Fadel to cry in, too.

(Bolded for emphasis.)

And I am sooo, so happy I actually got this!! Fadel crying out all of his trauma while Style is there to support him and to hold him through it. Maybe the make-up tears were double foreshadowing after all: In episode 6, Style offered a safe space to Fadel and drew fake tears on him. In episode 10, Style offers a safe space to Fadel and Fadel cries real tears. And both these episodes are the only two episodes that ended with me just staring into thin air for a while afterwards, unable to form any coherent thought. That's it, meta canceled. I'm gonna go throw myself off a cliff now. Bye.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep9)

[toyboxterror]

End Year, New Year

Pairing: Asakura Shin/Reader

Summary: Shin's plan to give you a New Year gift didn't go as well as he hoped.

Contains: Established relationship, mostly Shin's POV, reader is insecure about their looks, gender neutral reader, they/them pronouns used on reader, but only a couple times and doesn't affect the story.

Author's Note: This was supposed to be published during the anime debut but stuff happened. :P

Huge thanks to @jasminerva for giving her idea, which I used as inspiration! <3

Shin remembered the time when you were eyeing a necklace. You thought it was beautiful, and Shin agreed in his mind (although he had his eyes more on you when he thought of it). But he only saw negativity in your thoughts.

You traced your fingers slowly around the pendant, as if you didn't deserve to be touching it. It was a stunning necklace, but just imagining wearing it around your neck feels like you ruined its beauty, as if someone like you shouldn't wear such jewelry. But your boyfriend didn't think the same.

“You're not gonna buy it? I think it suits you.”

You laughed at him, as if he was telling you a joke. “Nah, I want to spend my money on something better–” You suddenly gasped when you saw something that caught your attention more. “Shin! Isn't that the vinyl of your favorite album!?”

You already pulled him away excitedly before he could tell you his honest thoughts. His eyes lingered at the ornament as you dragged him away.

He spend the rest of the year saving enough money to buy it. After the end of the year, he rushed to the store and let out a huge sigh in relief. He managed to get his hands on the last copy of the jewelry. He was determined to prove your thoughts wrong.

His plan was to invite you to his family's dinner, then surprise you with the gift when you arrive. He felt enthusiastic from imagining your happy face and thanked him with a kiss. It's really simple and not complicated, isn't it? Then Shin had nothing to worry about. Until something worrying happened.

“Yo, Shin. What are you doing?” Heisuke asked curiously as he took a bite from his warm pork bun. Some of the crumbs fell onto his jacket, and he casually brushed them off to the floor. He had been watching the blond man rummaging around for a while since he got back from buying gift wraps.

“Did you see any small brown box near the cash register? I think I misplaced it around here before I left this morning…” He asked as he picked up and looked into the small empty trash can near him, hoping to find what he's looking for with luck.

“I think I saw it earlier,” Lu, who was sweeping around the store and eavesdropping on the boys, spoke up. She tapped her chin with her finger as she tried to remember. “I thought it was one of the trash along with the empty cup noodles so I threw it away when I was cleaning the counter.”

“Pii.” The little bird perched on Heisuke's shoulder and let out a noise to confirm that he saw it happen.

“WHAT!?” Shin yelled in shock at the top of his voice. Lu and Heisuke were startled by the sudden outburst. The red haired girl almost dropped the broom from her hands.

“T-the box…” He kneeled on the ground and held his head with his hands in distress. “It's a present for [y/n]... They said they're coming over this evening…”

“WHAT!?” / “PII!?”

It was their turn to panic.

“M-maybe it was still in the back of the building. Let's check it out together, yo!” Heisuke pulled on Shin’s arm to make him get up from the floor with the help of Piisuke tugging on his strand of hair. He didn't budge. A thousand of horrifying imaginations already haunted him and made him freeze in place.

“I'll check the nearest dumpsite to see if anyone has already picked up our trash.” Lu said, grabbing her jacket before heading out and lightly kicked on Shin's butt in annoyance. “Stop moping around, it's not over yet! Why did you put that thing around here carelessly, damn it!”

Shin and Lu sat near the cash register with a dejected expression on their faces even though they're fresh out from a warm bath. The trio spend the whole day digging around the trash to look for the box whenever they're able to. They were covered in stink, so they decided to take turns in cleaning themselves up after closing the shop, with Heisuke being the last.

Shin heard a sniffle beside him. He looked over and jumped at the sight of Lu's tears already wetting almost her whole face with her snots dripping down from her nose. “Whoa! Lu!?”

“S-Shin…. Bwahhh….” She sobbed and looked at Shin with teary eyes. “It's all my fault…. I should have- *sobs* I should have checked what's in the inside���”

Shin watched her wiping her own tears with her sleeves and sighed. He brought his hand to the young girl's head and gave her comforting pats. Lu stopped her sobbings and looked up to him with tears still flowing down from her eyes.

“It's not your fault. It's mine to begin with,” Shin looked away and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I should have paid more attention and care to my own things. Besides, inside of it is just a cheap cool notebook that I thought [y/n] would like, I can just buy it again next time,” he lied, he didn't want to make Lu feel more guilty. “So don't feel bad.”

He couldn't lie to himself, but he was devastated by the whole thing. He had been saving up for a long time to give you the gift and make you happy. He's not good with accessories, he wasn't sure if he could find another that would suit your taste. Maybe he should gave Yona[1] a call and asked for advice…

“Waah… Shin…” The man felt a sudden tug on his green apron. He glanced at Lu and watched her in terror as she brought the fabric to her face and blew her nose out on it.

“Gah! What the hell!? You could have at least asked for a handkerchief! Get off me!!!” He yelled as he tried to push Lu’s head away from him. But her grip and strength were too strong.

“... Guys?”

The pair of siblings didn't notice the doorbell rang and you already stood by the door. “Are you alright, Lu? Did you two fight again?” You let yourself in to check on Lu as you looked at her in concern.

Shin gave a final pat on Lu's head and smiled at her, signaling her that it's okay and wanted some privacy with you. Lu nodded at him before smiling at you, “It's alright! We just made up, you two have fun!” She winked at them and waved them goodbye as she headed upstairs, leaving the two of you alone in the empty store.

“Sorry about that. We're okay now,” Shin breathed out tiredly, carefully taking his apron so the snot didn't stain on the rest of his clothing and put it on the counter. He groaned, “And Lu dirtied my apron again. It's the usual stuff, don't worry.”

You chuckled. You find it cute at how they quarrel and get along sometimes, they really act and care about each other like siblings.

Ding!

“I heard that!” He glared at you and huffed, his cheeks were tinted with pink. He can admit that he cares for Lu, but sometimes it's a little embarrassing to show it or hear how others talk about it.

You only laughed at him in response and took a seat near him. “You said you want to give me something important before having dinner with your family together. What is it?” You asked giddily. You tried to hide it, but Shin could tell you're excited from how you bit your lip and your eyes lit up from anticipation alone.

“About that…” He tried to find an excuse, a lie, a cover up. He didn't want to disappoint you, but he didn't know how to answer you without letting you down.

No. He shouldn't hide anything from you. It's in the family rules. He took a deep breath, to muster up the courage to tell the truth to you.

“[y/n], I'm really sorry. I wanted to give you a gift for New Year. It took me longer to save up money for it, so it's a bit late. But–”

“[y/n]! [y/n]!”

A young, high pitched voice called out for you, making Shin's and your head turned to the source of the voice. Hana ran up and climbed up to your lap excitedly, clutching something in her hands. You hurriedly held her steadily so she wouldn't fall over. She gave you a tight hug, surprisingly strong for a little girl. “Hana missed you!”

You laughed at her and patted her head, “I missed you too, Hana.”

“Look, look!” She waved the thing in her hand to your face. Shin widened his eyes in disbelief. It was a necklace. The one that he bought for you specifically. “It's a gift for [y/n]! Shin bought it for you!”

Your eyes brightened at her words. “Really!? You planned this together with Hana, Shin? You guys are so sweet!”

“H-huh…?” Shin furrowed his brows in confusion.

Ding!

After tuning into her thoughts, he learned that Hana found the necklace on the counter, the place where he carelessly put it. Unknowing that it was a special gift for you, she used it to play dress up in her room for the whole day.

So that's where it went, and why none of us couldn't find it. Shin thought to himself and smiled, watching Hana happily handing the necklace to you. While he was mentally and physically exhausted from searching for it all over the place, he's relieved that it's safe and sound in his little sister's care this whole time.

You heard Aoi calling out for Hana, saying that her favorite show had already started on TV. She bid you and Shin “bye, bye!” before she eagerly left, leaving the two of you alone once more.

“I remember this necklace. I didn't expect you to buy it for me,” you chuckled lightly at the memory of seeing it for the first time as you admired the beautiful necklace. “I really do want to buy it myself, but I wasn't sure about it. I don't want it to end up not looking good on me and becoming another waste of huge money.”

When Shin felt self-deprecating thoughts and imageries slowly crept on to your mind again, he shook his head and took the necklace from your hands in a gentle manner.

“And I'm here to prove you wrong,” he said and bestowed you with the charming and kind smile that always makes your heart skip a beat. “Turn around. I'll help you put it on.”

You did what you were told. You felt his warm fingers against your skin as he tried to put the necklace around your neck and fumbled with the hook. His touches felt delicate and careful, as if you're fragile and he could break you from even the smallest wrong moves. It was kind of ticklish. You held yourself back from shivering.

“Done.” He said after clasping the hook.

You touched the pendant hanging on your neck. After dreaming about having it once in a while, it felt odd that you finally get to wear something as exquisite as this.

“Uh, there's no mirror around here but you look great!” He stammered, cautiously choosing his words to avoid hurting your feelings on accident. “It really matched your look… But you're more charming than the necklace, of course! Not that the necklace is ugly, but– You know–”

You chortled at him. You brought yourself closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, it surprised him that he shut himself up from making himself sound more awkward. Even though you two already dated for some time, he was still bashful when you got close and touched him like this. You watched his whole face turned bright red as his slightly shaky hands held your hips to keep the two of you steady.

“Thanks, handsome. I wish I bought something for you if I knew you got me a New Year present. But–” When you brought your face closer to him, Shin squeezed his eyes shut and puckered his lips a little too hard. He was still afraid to kiss you, as he wasn't used to it. He was scared of messing it up and ruining the moment for you. But you didn't mind. You find it kind of cute. You made a mental note to teach him how to kiss you properly when you have the time. (It made Shin feel more flustered when he read your thoughts.)

However, instead of getting kissed on the lips, he received one on his cheek.

It was a small kiss, but enough to make his head spin. He opened his eyes and stared at you like a deer stuck in headlights and about to explode from how red his face was.

You laughed at his reaction and patted his chest after you fixed the part of his clothing where you grabbed from the wrinkles, “I hope this will do it for now. I'll give you more after dinner.”

Right on that moment, Heisuke walked in and fresh out from the bath with a towel hanging around his neck. He saw you and his face brightened to see his friend. Completely unaware of the situation, despite seeing the two of you in each others’ arms, he called out to you, “Yo, [y/n]! Have you seen– Ack!”

Thankfully, Lu and Piisuke rushed after him and he was quickly yanked away by the back of his shirt with the bird pulling on his ear. He was shushed by Lu before you and Shin got the chance to spot him, leaving the love birds more time for each other.

Reference:

A small cameo / mention of Jasminerva‘s OC from cloud8 to show my appreciation for her as a friend.

[cloudyfacewithjam]

SAS: Rogue Heroes + txt posts

[voids-ideas]

I saw this and thought "what would someone who isn't a nazi would say?"

And I laughed. I would laugh. There's no fucking way you would think I'm a nazi. Not because I can't be, everyone can be any type of person. But I've been obsessed with extreme political movements since i was 12, I've learned how they operate and I've worked to ensure my way of thinking prevents me from ending in one

I conditioned myself to think "why the fuck am i doing this?" Every time a sense of extreme hatred for a group of people starts. I learned to take a step back and think in every situation where i feel I'm 100% in the right. It's fucking hard, specially when you're autistic and that fucking strong sense of justice that makes me think i need to speak in every fucking argument. But i worked. I've worked since i was a child to not be a nazi. And i learned to identified when my emotions are valid and I can think i hate someone so much and they've done so much damage i think the best for the world is for them to die. And i know even with the valid of my emotions, that doesn't mean a government should kill people

I've learned you can think something should happened to someone, and doesn't mean a government should do it, because a government it's there to protect all the people, and everyone it's people. A government can be kind to everyone, because a government it's not a person and it doesn't have emotions, can't feel resentment. Their purpose should be everyones well being. Because if you let a government be bad to one person, then it can be bad to everyone

People don't need to work like a government. And a government shouldn't work as a person, a government doesn't have the right to validation of its emotions. Because it shouldn't have them

People have the right to have their emotions being validated, and to understand their actions based on that emotions, Doesn't meant they are excused of their actions.

I lost track of what i was saying. No fucking idea what i was saying, fuck this is a good song... so... have a good day?

...Oh, ok. I remembered something. When i say a government has to be able to protect everyone, I'm not saying let the nazis go because they're people, I'm saying look for the reason they are nazis and make sure there won't be more by fixing things. Stop the possibility of being more nazis in the future

What do you do with the ones that exist? Idk man, I'm an engineer, I'm against prisons and i would like to punch them, but i don't think that's exactly the way a government should work, and... well, it's not like I'm the only person in the world and i should know the solution

I would want to punch them, but pretty sure a government shouldn't punch people

[tzufcallsmeshomps]

Why did it take my landlords' young kid pulling a prank on me to realize I do in fact have unprocessed ptsd

[seonghwasblr]

SVT coming to Europe for the first time ever in 9 years (not counting Gastonbury, cause that was sold out a year before they were announced, so carats didn't get a chance to go) and it's not even going to be ot13 should be a crime.. AND IT'S BECAUSE OF A SCHEDULE?!

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

yeha sorry the i dont care fuck off attitude doesn't work for me. i will continue on with the fuck off part tho

[dragolord19delta]

Mephiles stared at the door. The door behind the two beings that had defeated him slept. The door his fathers slept. Staring at it didn’t help the twisted feelings within his chest. The emotions that boiled within his soul, within his very mind. For that door held more than just the ones who had destroyed him, it also held two beings who loved him. Who did so much for him, even if they didn't know their son's previous life was one of destruction and darkness. He remembered the warmth of being held to their chests when he could not stand yet, feeding off what they gave to him. The feeling of love that radiated from them and filled him with peace and warmth. The same sensations they filled him with today, to his dismay. How can beings destroy you, yet still act with such kindness? Their past actions, the kindness shown, the hatred burning away the coldness, the lack of reason in destroying him once more, the burning fire within him growing with his confusion. The warmth and the cold, clashing and at war with each other to decide his path. And these feelings will make the outcome unpredictable. But one thing was known. What a strange fate, for a shadow like himself to become so warmed by those who snuffed out his darkness. The door he stared at cracked open, his Bab-Shadow standing there, his own glowing eyes spoting his son standing in the hall. "Suriel, what's wrong?" The name didn't click. But he did feel shame burning. "…bad dream" Mephiles mumbled, "Sorry. Just a stupid nightmare…" "…" He felt his Father hold the door wide, walking out and kneeling. It wasn't as if Mephiles was small by any means. So his Father looking him in the eyes while kneeling down made his guilt stronger. As if his heart was slowly breaking him. A gentle touch. "You shouldn't be embarrassed by nightmares." "…" "It's an expected emotion." A hand. Guiding him toward the opening. His Father held his hand gently. "…" "You don't need to deal with these emotions alone, Sur." His Father smiled as he lead Mephiles inside their bedroom, the door shut behind him as he was guided inside. He watched Dad-Sonic stir awake as they came inside, "Whuzz goin' on?" "Suriel had a nightmare." Shadow replied. "Oh. Well he needs his Daddy-o to make it all better." Sonic smiled and sat up, holding out his arms as to indicate him coming over, "Bring it in, kid~" Mephiles let the actions just happen to him, letting himself just sink into his parent's touch as they hugged him. How? He remembered being trapped into the scepter, his mind boiling in anger at the time of his loss. He remembered killing the hedgehog who was now cuddling him to his chest, the black one's rage the next day. He remembered this all, he shouldn't like their hugs. They destroyed him! Destroyed his plans! But that didn't stop his body from relaxing, or from enjoying their touch, their care, their warmth. "…F-Fuck…" What did these idiots do to him?? What have they turned him into?? … Shadow poked his arm softly, "Bad language," Suriel didn't know if the tears rolling down his face were in anger, grief, happiness or remorse. The closest word he could find for this emotion, however, was a sense of longing. To what? He didn't know, he just knew he never had felt like this, at least not since being reincarnated by their souls. "…Sorry…" He muttered Why did he need their approval? Why did he care if his bad attitude upset them? … why?

****

I may have wrote a little something @jesterjesteringjesterly

I love your dark reincarnation au!! Does Mephiles still has his memories? It would be funny if it was like Goku where he used to be a violent baby until he completely chill out and forgot who he was.

Oh he remembers alright

It’s actually kinda the opposite. He had none of his memories as a baby/small child. But as he grew his memories came back to him, he remembered who he was, who he IS. And that’s really what makes his reincarnation a “Punishment” of sorts. Reincarnated as the child of the two people that destroyed him but also that he now CARES about them. He is still their son after all, they showed him love only a parent could but he is now aware that they destroyed him previously.

It’s easy for him to hate and wail on Silver because he just showed up one day when he had his memories back, remembering Sonic 06 and those feelings are still fresh to him. He doesn’t CARE about Silver like he does sonic and shadow and Silver doesn’t care about him either. But this is truly his punishment, to suffer the fact he is no longer just mind and will but he has feelings that get in the way of his logic. His logic that he should despise the people who blew out the flame of his original life. The feelings that make him love them and the knowledge that they love him too.

I turned this funny question into a angsty lore dump whoops. I just love being asked stuff about my aus hehe :3

[ghost-of-you]

5sos: puts HBG on the dice

5sos: has to play HBG

5sos: surprised pikachu face

No because those men took a glorified beach ball the size of Luke, slapped a song they actively hate and they think we like because of the chanting (hbg), 2 songs a lot of people talk about in social media and we do actively like (wayf and iydk), a song they never played before that is somewhat popular on 5sostok for conspiracy theories about who it is about (ela) and 2 songs I have no idea how even ended up on the mix (voodoo doll and heartache) and decided that literally throwing that in the audience would be a great idea. A tour doesn't need a surprise song, they made a conscious decision of making the dice, then they pick the songs on said dice and go all when it lands on half of them.

Like dudes what the hell did you think was gonna happen? That you could cheat your way into not playing it the whole tour? If you don't want to play the song don't make it an option, is not like y'all are not pretending half your discography doesn't exist, put hbg in that box and tell the people chanting for it to get over themselves. It's your show, you make the rules. If you hate a song don't fucking make it an option.

[sunnymainecoonx]

How do you feel about errormare and destructivedeath?

I'll be completely honest with you I don't really like the ships? I mean they're great, I really like seeing people interpreting the relationships and everything and I do enjoy fanworks of them in general but overall I just- honestly I think it's a kind of bias(for what? I dunno...)

For errormare it depends what kind of relationship a creator is giving them, I really don't like the toxic aspects of it.. so ehm

Destructivedeath is actually very cool in its different concepts, but it isn't my cup of tea...

[kittlyns]

.

[sskk-manifesto]

(๑•́ω•̀)