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imtryingmybeskar · 2 years ago

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Come Home Chapter Twelve

Joel Miller x F! Reader

Word count: 5755

Fluff, fluff and more fluff. With a little angst on the side. We finally get a small insight into what has been tormenting reader, along with Ellie behaving very strangely. And of course, it's the morning after the night before...

Spoiler for what Joel does for Ellie for her sixteenth birthday (as shown in TLOU 2). Its my favourite scene of either game and I can't wait to see Pedro and Bella bring it to life!

Come Home

Chapter Twelve - Dull The Pain

Music pounds so hard you can feel the vibrations in your chest. The neon-painted corridor you’re standing in is so tiny that condensation is running down the walls from the bodies packed tight together. There’s a queue. Why is there always a goddamn queue? You’d think by this point they’d design these places with twice as many stalls as urinals. You shuffle, tensing the muscles in your leg to distract from your bladder and then stand on tip toe, trying to see over the heads of the people ahead of you.

People…no, not people. Not anymore. No laughing. No chattering. No hopes or dreams. Just swaying, drunk on the chemicals of infection that the fungus is pushing. You walk among them and they do not attack, their skulls with their fungal-infested sockets merely turn to look at you impassively as you go, as if you're as dead as they are. You have to get out. But there is only one way through, one chance at salvation. The black doorway looms large. The door to the bathroom.

But then...it isn't. It's a different door. One that you keep your back to every second of every day. You try to stop your feet from moving forward but it's as if the fungus really is driving your motor functions and you have no control anymore. The music is gone, relegated to a time long dead, but your heart still jars with its pulse. The walls are blank now, a mysterious slate grey at the edges of the halo of your torchlight. You are alone, no infected to watch your progression and you feel a gaping loss for the poor company they provided.

The focused beam reflects off the metal bars of a medical cart on wheels, the grid reflection cast wide upon the wall behind it. Nothing of value remains inside, just scattered dusty records of patients who were lucky enough to live in a world where people cared enough to write down what ailed them.

Shattered windows with twinkling broken shards of glass teeth line one wall and inside...you can't bring yourself to look. The mural that your light sweeps against tells all. Smiling rabbits and squirrels and raccoons dance eternally as giant, gleeful toadstools oversee everything. The cots lie in haphazard rows under their collective gaze.

But worse, far worse awaits and some desperate part of you thinks that maybe if you don't put your gas mask on this time that the outcome will change. That the place, the portal you can now see at the end of the corridor will open out into sunny pastures and true peace. Your fingers betray you, slipping the constriction into place to protect your body even as your soul is screaming.

And in the black doorway at the end of the corridor, the too-large figure begins to emerge…

“Hey!”

You sit up, panting and sweating and breathing so hard you think you’re going to pass out.

“Hey.” The voice is gentler this time and you realise a big hand is resting on your arm, squeezing it slightly, leading you back to reality. Squinting against the morning light that spills around the blinds you follow the path of the hand, up an arm to see Joel sitting beside you with a look of concern on his face.

“You’re okay. Just a dream.”

“Yeah. Yeah…a dream,” you gasp. He sits in silence with you while your breathing returns to normal, then silently hands you a cup of coffee which you take with a wan smile.

“A man of your word I see, Miller. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He picks up his own cup from where it rests on your bedside table and warms his hands around it. “Thought I’d let you sleep in. Maybe that was a mistake.”

“Nah, I appreciate it,” you say and you suddenly realise how husky your voice sounds from both the sleep and the aftereffects of the drink. You clear your throat. “It was just a bathroom dream.”

“Just?”

“There may have been infected also queuing for the bathroom.”

“Ah,” he nods sagely. “A classic.”

You huff a laugh and pull down a sip of the bitter, hot, steaming coffee.

“You okay?” The soft concern in his voice startles you and you blink up at him stupidly, head still feeling a little like cotton wool.

“Yeah…yeah I’m fine. There’s just…a recurring dream I also have which was kind of blending in to the bathroom dream. You woke me up before the best part of that for which I’m very grateful.”

He frowns and nods and the simple gestures tell you he knows exactly what you’re talking about.

“Guessin’ you don’t wanna talk about it.”

You shrug and open your mouth to say “Not really,” but what comes out instead is “I didn’t used to be like this.”

“None of us did.”

Your own desire to talk takes you by surprise and you don't know if its because you're still half asleep or because you know Joel will understand but you take a deep breath before plunging ahead.

“No I mean, of course the outbreak changed me. But even after that I didn’t used to be like this. I lost someone. He travelled with me to keep me safe on some stupid fucking goddamn mission I cooked up and…I lost him.” You draw your knees up to your chest and hold your coffee cup on top of your knee cap.

“And the worst part is that its not even what happened to him that gives me these fucking nightmares. I carried on. I went alone to do what I thought I had to do and-“ You break off and shake your head, then look up at Joel with a bitter smile.

“Doesn’t matter,” you say. “This is just the post-alcohol depression talking.” Another swig of scalding coffee helps to stabilise you. Sharing was one thing. Re-living was quite another.

Joel bites his lip as he stares into the black depths of his own coffee.

“I lost someone that way too.” His voice is so quiet you’re not even sure you heard him correctly. “When I first met Ellie. There were three of us at first and…she got bit in the process of protectin’ her.”

His jaw clenches in angry thought and you know that he too can’t forgive himself for his mistakes. For all of it. For any of it. Regardless of if it was his fault, it was his fault. So you don’t try to sympathise, don’t spout any platitudes. Instead you wordlessly slide your hand over his and squeeze it hard. His dark eyes flick to yours and bore into your skull and at that moment you know that you were wrong. He’s not a closed book, not at all. He walks with the weight of what this world has made of him every single moment. He carries it, clutches it to him like something precious because he doesn’t believe he deserves redemption, much less that anyone could redeem him. Something shifts in the air between you. An understanding settles like blossom on river rapids.

“But then there’s Ellie,” you whisper, and the trembling breath he releases tells you all you need to know.

“Then there’s Ellie,” he agrees, and you finish your coffees in comfortable silence, hanging on to one another’s hands for life itself.

After a shower and fresh clothes you feel much better, though your head is a little painful and the sun glaring off the snow outside is much too bright for your liking. Following a smell that makes your stomach rumble, you head downstairs to find Joel cooking.

“Eggs? I didn’t have any eggs.”

“I do. Or did,” he replies. “You look like you need ‘em.”

“Thanks,” you say in a sarcastic tone, though you genuinely are grateful for both the food and the thought. “I’ll have to make you guys dinner soon.”

“You don’t have to,” he corrects you. “This ain’t a transaction.”

“No, but…I want to,” you shrug. “I like having you and Ellie here.”

He gives that coy little smile again as he focuses his efforts on the pan and you feel your chest swell with affection. How can someone so rough around the edges be so…well…so damn cute?

“Take over will ya?” he asks. “I just gotta go to the bathroom.”

He departs and you resume pushing what will be scrambled egg around the pan. When you had first met Joel you would never have thought that you could be alike. He exuded danger and coiled menace, and you had seen that come to the fore when faced with the situation in the store. But every time you had opened up to him, he had reciprocated. Little by little, bit by bit, he was showing you other facets of himself and you found yourself more eager for that than you would necessarily like. He had trauma, everyone did. But his and yours seemed to stem from a similar place, at least in part. He understood the need to push away those things that you simply couldn’t deal with and he made no judgements. He understood that in order to survive you sometimes had to cut pieces away from the person that you had been and solder those wounds shut. He was so kind – to you and Ellie at least - but you didn’t doubt for a moment that he had been truthful when he said he was very different ten years ago. You wonder just what he and Ellie had gone through to bring about such a change.

A knock at the door jolts you from your reverie and you turn the eggs off and move the pan before going to answer it.

“Hey,” Ellie says, a nervous energy permeating her as she absent mindedly rubs her right arm. “Have you seen Joel? I don’t think he came home last night.”

“Oh, yeah,” you say, stepping back and gesturing for her to come in. “He’s-“

“Have you put a bookcase up against that door?” Joel’s voice rings out as the stomp of his boots comes down the stairs. “I mean that’s one way to deal with it I guess-oh! Hey, Ellie.”

Ellie’s eyes are wider than you’ve ever seen them, darting between you and Joel and a sly smirk begins to creep over her face.

“Before you say anything, no,” you say firmly.

“No what?” she asks innocently.

“You know what. No.”

“Hey, it’s none of my business what fogeys get up to when they’re alone!”

“Jesus Christ, Ellie,” Joel huffs as he joins you at the foot of the stairs, and you have your own moment of sneaking amusement at the fact that he looks quite flustered as he shakes his head in disapproval at her.

“Yes Joel, I put a bookcase against that door. Out of sight, out of mind, right?” you say, not taking your eyes off Ellie. “As for what we got up to-“

“Oh fuck! I don’t wanna know!” Ellie exclaims, suddenly horrified.

“-it involved very clothed sleeping. No touching, no kissing, no se-“

Ellie stuffs her fingers into her ears and walks off humming loudly before exclaiming “Can I have some of these eggs?!” as soon as she walks into the kitchen.

Joel and you exchange an amused glance and you notice a creeping redness up his neck before he goes off to portion what he has made on to plates.

What you had told her wasn’t strictly true. You had awoken sometime in the night to find yourself pressed in tight against Joel’s back, your arm thrown loosely around his hip and your cheek against the soft plaid of his shirt. He smelled even better this close – warm sleep musk mixed with an indefinable scent of comfort that was purely him and you had gently removed your arm and turned over before you got too enamoured of it.

He had other ideas, giving a deep, sleepy groan that shot straight to your core and then flipping over so he was on his side with his chest now pressed against your back and his arm thrown around your waist, his movements clumsy in his semi-conscious state. You had held yourself stiffly and hardly dared to breathe, wondering if it was intentional, if he wanted more. The gentle snores that came almost immediately told you no, and you relaxed back into his embrace, smiling drowsily as you fell back to sleep yourself. The next time you had awoken it had been to his hand on your arm and the relief that you wouldn’t have to relive yet another nightmare. You have no idea if he knew what had occurred, and you weren’t about to bring it up.

The morning passes in a haze of pleasant domesticity. While Joel goes back to his house to shower and change, you take Ellie into town to do some shopping and pick up eggs for both you and Joel, as well as some fruit, vegetables, rice and chicken. Next stop is the armoury. The bows and arrows that you had retrieved from the town had made you realise that it had been a while since you had practiced with that particular weapon, and you wanted to make sure your skills were up to par for the next planned sweep by a scouting party. Ellie sets up the targets in the yard outside, and you spend an hour being completely outmatched by her abilities, though you do get better under her tutelage as time goes on.

As you make your way back towards your respective houses, you get the impression she wants to talk to you. She’s dragging her feet a little through the stony slush on the ground, pensively looking down at them. You allow her time, and eventually your patience wins.

“So…you and Joel huh?” she says. Her voice is more timid than you’ve heard in a while, as though she’s scared of your answer.

“No," you laugh. "I meant what I said. Nothing happened between us. You know sometimes I’ve had…difficulties adjusting to life here. He helped me through one of them last night. Not like that,” you hasten to add, feeling heat rising in your face. “He just…he was kind to me.”

She nods, her face a little less anxious and a little more Ellie, a small smile creeping over her lips. “But at the dance…you guys were kinda close.”

“I was pretty drunk,” you admit. “He looked after me, made sure I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself and then helped me home. That’s all.”

“Do you like him?”

The direct nature of the question catches you off guard and you splutter a little in your reply. “Like him? I’m too old for that high school shit, Ellie.”

“I’m not hearing a ‘no’,” she shoots back in an irritating sing-song voice.

You sigh and try to collect your thoughts. “Of course I like him. He’s a good man. And he’s already helped me through a lot. So have you, come to that.”

“You know what I mean,” she presses.

“Ellie, I can’t think about shit like that,” you say, bluntly. “Much as I’d like to, it’s just not possible. I let myself get close to people and then they die. Chris…Jacob…A-Alex-“ The litany stops and so do you, squeezing your eyes tight against the memories that threaten to invade. You take a deep breath and open your eyes to look at the girl ahead of you. “It’s too hard.”

“And what if they don’t? Die I mean.”

You frown and try to make your next words as gentle as possible. “But everyone does. It’s just a matter of when.” Before she can formulate a reply, you carry on, trying to bring a levity back to the conversation as you continue walking. “I’m not taking your old man away from you, don’t worry.”

“Not what I’m worried about.” The reply is waspish and it takes you by surprise.

“Well then, what’s this all about?”

“Never mind. Just forget it.”

“Hey.” You stop again and gently touch her shoulder. “If there’s something bothering you and you don’t want to go to Joel you can talk to me. You know that.”

“Sure,” she says, nodding, but there is nothing else forthcoming and you walk the remainder of the journey in silence, wondering if you’ve somehow managed to already fuck up your friendship with her.

The afternoon is spent beginning to tackle the garage that came with the house. There’s not too much in there for which you’re grateful – some standard junk that you sort by usefulness. A pile for you, a pile to donate to the supplies in Jackson and stuff that you think should probably be thrown away. Then you clear the cobwebs and dust and sweep up as much as you can. The light is beginning to fade as you stand tall and stretch out your back. Maybe tonight you should use your bath as intended, though you’re not sure of the wisdom of using that much hot water in one go. Deciding to shower instead you open up the garage door to leave, but before you can you hear a flurry of raised voices from next door.

“Jesus, Joel. Can’t you just fucking leave it alone?”

“No, I can’t. Not when you’re bein’ pissy with me for no goddamn reason!”

You don’t want to hear this. You don’t want to intrude on anything so personal and you definitely don’t want to think about the possibility that you’re the reason for Ellie’s bad mood that she’s now taking out on Joel. As you exit the garage as quickly and quietly as you can you hear Joel’s voice again.

“Ellie? Where are you goin’? Ellie!” Then the distinct sound of Joel’s side gate slamming hard and his quiet curse of “Goddamnit!”

You creep up your back steps and your hand is on the door handle and about to turn it when –

“Uh. Hey.”

You close your eyes against the thought of the conversation that will follow, but turn and speak to Joel who is standing in his yard looking both angry and a little ashamed.

“Hey.”

“So…guessin’ you heard all that.”

“I wasn’t trying to, I swear,” you protest. “I was just finishing clearing out some of my garage and-"

He’s shaking his head. “Naw. S’ok. We musta been pretty loud. Not used to havin’ neighbours still I guess.” He rubs his hand on the back of his neck in an embarrassed sort of way.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. I just…I don’t get that kid sometimes.”

You lean against the wooden railings of your porch and take hold of the top of it, feeling the paint crumble a little under your hands.

“But you do remember what it was like to be fifteen?”

He scoffs and folds his arms. “I guess.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. She just needs some time to work out whatever’s bothering her.” Joel nods, but his jaw is still set angrily and his eyes are faraway as he stares toward the place that she stormed away.

“I uh…” You grip the railing more firmly, anxiety swirling in your stomach at your imminent confession. “I think it might be my fault.”

Joel looks taken aback. “What, you guys have a fight or somethin’?”

“No…yes? I don’t know really.”

“Look, why don’t you come over? I don’t really wanna discuss this outside in the dark when I’m not wearin’ a coat.”

“Understandable. I’ll be right there.”

You remember to grab the eggs you had got for him before crossing to his side of the fence and knocking on his front door.

“Come on in,” he calls from inside.

You weren’t entirely sure what you had been expecting in Joel’s house, but the first impression that hits you is that this is a home. The hallway lies in front of you and opens up to his living room, along one entire wall of which is a huge, beautiful bookshelf, packed with ornaments, framed pictures, video cassettes, DVDs, books and magazines. His furniture actually matches – a brushed suede settee in beige with a reclining chair off to one side and a window seat also upholstered in the same, all with plump, welcoming cushions on them. He was correct in saying that it is more modern than your house, but not by much. It does, however, exude a charming middle class quality that is distinctly lacking in yours.

You don’t get a chance to be nosier than that before he’s calling you, and you follow the sound of his voice into the delicious warmth of his kitchen, which is fitted in shades of warm white wood, a large central unit in the middle of it all against which he is leaning, his back toward it and arms outstretched behind.

“Drink?” he offers.

“Tea?” you ask hopefully, and he nods and begins to prepare it.

“So what happened?”

What did happen? You don’t really have a good answer for him, so you start from the beginning.

“We did some shopping – here’s your eggs by the way – and then we practiced some archery. Well, I practiced, she told me where I was going wrong. And then on the way home she seemed to have something on her mind and when I tried to talk to her about it she just shut down.”

“Any idea what it was about?” his voice is full of concern and you realise you can’t keep the details from him, no matter how much it might embarrass you.

“Well she…she asked about us.” He raises a questioning eyebrow at you and you plunge ahead. “ ‘You and Joel huh?’ were her exact words. I told her again that nothing like that had happened last night. And then she asked-well she asked if I liked you. I said of course I did, you’ve been nothing but kind and generous to me. Both of you. But she meant…well, you know. And when I said that I can’t think of that kind of stuff because…well because of the past, she just shut down.”

“Hmm,” Joel says, his back to you as he grabs two cups and places them on the counter. “Anythin’ else?”

“I told her...I told her everyone dies,” you blurt out. “And that’s why I can’t get close to anyone. I thought…I thought that being who she is and living the life she has that she would understand that. But maybe…she’s so young. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so blunt about it. And I said-“ You take a deep breath before continuing. “I said that I wasn’t going to be taking you away from her and she said she wasn’t worried about that and that’s when she stopped talking completely. I’m sorry if I overstepped. Or if I was insensitive.”

He continues to make the tea in silence, his back to you and your anxiety moves even harder through your veins.

“Joel? Did I…did I fuck up?”

He sighs before turning to you and handing you a steaming cup that smells wonderfully of apple and winter spices.

“No, I don’t think you did. Comin’ to Jackson has been an adjustment. Well, you know yourself…Sometimes she confuses the hell outta me and I just wonder if I’m too old to be raisin’ a teenager. Especially now. What the fuck do I know about what she’s goin’ through?”

“Well,” you say slowly, picking your words carefully so as not to betray any of Ellie’s confidences. “I never raised a teenager. Or any kids for that matter.” You stop, take a breath, get a firm grip on yourself. “But you know some of what she’s been through because you lived it too. Its hard…now you’re safe. The stuff you couldn’t allow yourself to feel, it starts to come through anyway no matter how much you might not want it to. And so much stuff is so much more important at her age. Being liked by her peers. Finding out who she is. That’s all still there but we got to do it in high school. I’m not saying high school was great, but there were things you took for granted y’know. There were lots of people to bounce off and figure shit out. She has to find her own way. I guess…all you can do is always be there for her.”

Joel nods slowly, seeming to absorb your words. “I will,” is all he says firmly before taking a sip of tea.

You relocate to the living room, where you carefully put your steaming cup on a coaster on the table while Joel lights the gas fire that sits under an ornamental mantelpiece.

“Ooooh fancy,” you tease.

“I actually prefer yours,” he says, collapsing onto the soft cushions with a slight groan on the other side of the couch from you. “Nothin, like an open fire.”

“Your house is beautiful,” you say, looking around and taking it in again. “Guess this is what you get when your sister-in-law runs the joint.”

He grins softly. “Ellie chose it.” His face suddenly clouds. “You think I should go after her? I’m kinda worried. She has a history of…runnin’ off.”

“If you want to,” you reply gently. “And I’ll help if you want that too. But if you find her before she wants to be found, would it make things worse? I mean…you don’t think she’s gone out out, do you?”

Both of you look outside simultaneously, your eyes drawn to the darkness beyond the windows by the horrific notion.

“I’m goin’ to the stables,” Joel says as he puts his own tea on the table and stands, the firmness of his voice still not enough to quell the faint note of panic you can hear underneath.

“I’ll go look around town,” you say, standing too and grabbing your coat from where it lay on the back of the couch.

Before either of you get any further, you hear a scuffling on the porch and then the sound of the door opening. Joel moves quickly into the hall and his relieved sigh of “Ellie,” is enough to make your stomach untwist itself. Faint murmuring reaches your ears and you debate sneaking out of the back door to give them the time they need together. You don’t get a chance to make a move before Ellie is coming around the corner, looking at the floor slightly shamefaced and twisting her fingers together.

“Hey,” you greet her. “I was just gonna go. Sorry to interrupt-“

“No, no,” she says, “Its…its cool. Stay.” Joel nods his agreement behind her and you take your coat off again. A slightly awkward silence falls between the three of you before Ellie ventures, “So…you guys wanna play cards?”

The peace offering is taken up and the evening ends up as so many of them have recently, with stupid jokes and playful teasing and smiles all around. After Ellie beats you and Joel for the third time in a row, the crowing becomes almost unbearable and to make it stop you offer her something you know she won’t be able to refuse.

“Hey, Ellie?”

She gives a tiny delicate cough. “I think you know that’s not my name right now,” she says somehow managing to sound both prim and full of glee.

“Fine! Supreme Queen of Go Fish and Jackson in general-“

“Yes, peasant loser? What can your Queen do for you?”

“You want your Christmas present a little early?”

All pretence drops from her as she sits forward eagerly. “You got me a present?”

“Sure did. And Joel said he’d be more than willing to help you use them.”

Ellie says “Them?” as Joel says “What now?” and you laugh as you rush out of the house to collect the skates. You place them into one of the many boxes that you had emptied out of the garage this afternoon and inwardly curse your impulsivity and bemoan the fact that you hadn’t made it look nicer for her before heading back to Joel’s.

“Thank you,” she breathes as you hand her the box, her eyes bright with excitement. When she opens them, her face falls just for a second. “Oh! Thank you. But I-uh-I don’t know how to skate.”

“Well I thought I could teach you,” you smile. “Or Joel can. He’s not half bad when he’s not falling on his ass.”

Joel covers his eyes with his hand as Ellie giggles. “I ask you to keep one goddamn secret,” he jokes.

“Yeah, I’d like to learn,” Ellie says happily. “Is this where you went earlier in the week when you were “scouting”?”

“I got these from when we actually did go on patrol through that town. But earlier in the week we were scouting, just not for supplies. There’s a good lake not far from here. It’s safe, the ice is thick enough. Tested and approved by Joel’s ass and my knees.”

“One time! I fell one time!” Joel protests. “Pretty good considerin’ I haven’t skated in almost thirty years!”

“This is so cool! Thanks,” Ellie smiles happily. She stands, clutching the box to her chest. “Well, I’m gonna leave as the undefeated Queen and turn in.”

“Chicken,” teases Joel.

“I am making a tactical retreat,” she replies haughtily. “G'night, fogies!”

Joel grins fondly after her as she departs. “Night, Ellie.”

You wait until you hear the door close softly behind her before asking what you want to.

“She okay?”

“She’s fine,” Joel reassures you. “Just needed some time. And while we’re still on the subject of gift givin’ I have a favour to ask you.”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“It’s Ellie’s sixteenth in April. Now I got an idea of what I wanna do for her, but I’m gonna need your help. I’m plannin’ to take her to a museum. Its a few days ride out."

“What museum?”

The Wyoming Museum of Science and History. She loves space, thought I’d take her to see the exhibits if there are any left. But it won’t be much of a birthday if we’re fightin’ off infected every step of the way. I need your help to check it out, clear a path to it. You up for it?”

“Damn straight,” you say with a smile. “I love a museum. And no one can tell me not to touch anything now!”

Joel relaxes back into the couch, a relieved smile on his face. “Thanks. I was gonna ask Tommy originally, but he’s got so much shit to do with the dam that I woulda felt bad takin’ him away from it.”

“Not a problem. Might be fun. Apart from the possible infected. When do we go?”

“Not for a while. Not till the weather gets a little better. We’d need to go partway anyway, sweep those areas once the snow clears and make sure it’s all okay.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You drain the remnants of your tea and then stand. “I better get going too. Otherwise she’s gonna think there really is something going on between us.”

“Before you do, just…hold on a sec, okay?”

Joel springs up from the couch and retrieves a small parcel wrapped in brown paper from one of the shelves on the bookcase. He hands it to you with a smile.

“Since you’ve decided we’re doin’ Christmas presents early.”

Your mouth falls open in shock. “Oh shit, Joel no. I didn’t get you anything. I mean, you’re more than welcome to pick through the stuff I found in the garage, but unless you REALLY like old copies of classic car magazines you might be shit outta luck.”

“Its okay. Honestly, sharin’ your coffee has been more than enough. Well go on. Open it.”

A rush of warmth and excitement trills through you. The presents you and Chris had managed to exchange each year had been tokens at best. This felt like...well it felt like-

You gasp as you unwrap the book to find a beautifully embossed book of John Keats poetry in your hands. Your eyes rove over the cover, not quite comprehending that you actually had a copy in your hands and more, that Joel had given you something so precious and meaningful.

“Ellie said he was your favourite.” His gravelly voice breaks into your shock and you manage to nod at him, your eyes suddenly watery.

“Thank you. So much. This is…this is incredible.” You skim through the pages, to find them barely touched by the ravages of time. Even the cover is only mildly battered. “Where did you even get this?”

“I might’ve been on a sweep with Tommy and we may have come across a bookstore. I got me some more Game of Thrones books too, don’t you worry.”

You laugh, but it sounds like half a sob and half a hiccup when you do.

“Thank you,” you whisper again, managing to tear your eyes away from the book to look at him instead.

“You’re welcome,” he says softly.

He walks you down the hall to the door and when he opens it, instead of stepping through immediately you move forward to hug him, your arms barely able to circle the breadth of his shoulders. You feel him tense at the contact, but before you can pull away and apologise you feel his arms come tentatively around your back, holding you a little closer. His beard is prickly against your upper cheek, his muscles hard under your hands, his scent once again filling your nose and before you allow yourself to get dragged too deeply into that undertow you pull back.

“Goodnight, Joel.”

“Goodnight,” he smiles softly, dimple winking in his cheek.

The short walk back to your house feels like you’re walking on air. The thoughtfulness and beauty of the gift is unparalleled, the emotions spiralling uncontrollably from you are all blissfully good. Tonight, the tub is just that and you barely even contemplate getting in before heading toward the soft welcome of your bed. You lie there for a moment, thinking about the warmth of Joel's hands on your back and the soft light in his eyes when he saw your joy at his gift. You turn over to hug the pillow that his head had laid on, wrapped in his comforting scent and smiling into the darkness.

Taglist - @thisshipwillsail316 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @elegantduckturtle @dihra-vesa @midwesternwitchery @just-here-for-the-moment @eri16 @readsalot73 @littlemisspascal @princessxkenobi @harriedandharassed @pagannightwitch @tentacruels @kirsteng42 @shirks-all-responsibilities @deadhumourist @pedrostories @abbyhaslongshorts @celebrtyskinz @majahu @sanscas @myloveistoolittle @ohthemisssery

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#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel tlou x you #joel tlou x reader #joel tlou x f!reader #joel tlou x female reader #joel tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel tlou fanfic #joel miller fanfic #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic

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skylesbian · 3 years ago

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im gonna write everything down because i need to remember this entire day forever!!

first of all, i’ve already said this but @louis-in-red is literally the loveliest and kindest person and i LOVED sharing this experience with her 🥺 so thankful i got to meet her! definitely wouldn’t have been the same without her

okay so we got campo delantero (ga) but we got there like 2 hours before doors opened kdhdkd i was a little worried there wouldnt be more merch, but i could buy in uruguay if that was the case. but we got there and they still had peach hoodies so we were queuing and we started hearing screams and people started running so obviously we didn’t question it and started running too ksjshsjs

so we got to the main entrance and there he was...... oli 💀 he was wearing a white shirt and sunglasses and oh my..... he is fit! so hot jshsjs and he walks like louis, at first i couldnt see his face because of a tree and i thought it was louis for a moment and almost died 😭 but that was somehow the only moment that felt real during the entire day, i was like HOLY SHIT THATS OLI

so then we got the merch, took some pics, we met @lou1e and talked to her for a few minutes and she’s so nice and sweet 🥺 it was so lovely meeting her ❤️

after a while we went to get some food and went to the bathroom and we were like just gonna wait everyone gets in, so we just sat to wait and the queue never stopped 😭 so we started walking opposite to the queue to join the end and it continued around the corner like it literally never ended, and at one point we finally got to join the queue. we got in (i went to the bathroom again - for like the 15th time that day.... uruguayan things, you wouldn’t get it 🧉) and the crowd didnt seem that big, so we went to the back in the middle and the stage wasnt that far!

paz carrara was singing and she was LOVELY she was so emotional, she thanked us so many times and said louies were the best, she’s a sweetheart and i love her 🥺

and then the chaos started.... we saw two paramedics take an unconscious person out and after that i lost count of how many people were taken out, or had to leave. people walked out of the crowd wet from head to toe and they were pale and about to faint and throwing up. we helped a few fans, but there were so many during the entire time sunroom was on stage, i couldnt even listen to one song properly. hope they enjoyed anyways 😭 the staff was throwing water on the front (like actually wetting them) and handing plastic glasses of water. and i was getting so anxious, i was scared to have an anxiety attack because watching that happen live a few times was bad, but being there, with sooo many young people getting sick was a bit terrifying ngl. it was too hot and people were pushing too much.

louis started late because they were trying to make the crowd take a step back and when they finally did and louis showed up, everything worked out!!! it was still too hot but people respected the space a little better.

i was so nervous and freaking out a little the minutes before it started, but then we made it started and life stopped being real. like when i say i had an out of the body experience.... i didnt feel like i was there. i think it took me a few songs to be like, okay this is louis, im here, this is happening. and even then it didnt feel as real as when i saw oli KDHDKD i don’t know how to explain it, maybe he’s just so perfect my basic human brain can’t comprehend HE’S FUCKING REAL.

i have so many blanks but the things i DO remember:

we didnt know there was a platform, and between people getting out of the front of the crowd and joining the back, and the few steps back we took, we didn’t seem that close anymore. like we could still see him clearly (when people weren’t raising all their phones at once 🥲) but it was fared away than initially. BUT THEN at one point he starts walking our way, reaches the end of the stage and keeps walking, and KEEPS WALKING, AND HE WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE WTF!!! WE SCREAMED SO MUCH 😭😭😭

i think fearless was the song i enjoyed the most live which isn’t exactly a surprise because i love it, but its SO GOOD LIVE it was amazing. always you was also one of my top songs of the night and the lights during beautiful war were sooooo pretty!!!! really feels like being in the middle of a thousand stars (or more like fifteen thousand stars 😌)

he’s voice????? is so????? fucking flawless??????? i have always loved listening to him during performances/live shows/etc, i always thought he sings even better live. but HOLY SHIT i was not prepared for it to be EVEN BETTER??? he blew my fucking mind. HE’S SO TALENTED!!! HES WORKED SO HARD ON HIS VOCALS AND ITS PAYING OFF AMAZINGLY, HES SO WONDERFUL!!!!

singing his songs back to him was so good 🥺 i was really looking forward to sing YOU WERE MY BECAUSE at him but that moment is also blank 💀 buuut i do remember thinking “oh he got it right” in the first verse KDHDJS

when he went to the barricade during kmm everyone pushed closer and he raised his arm and i saw all his tattoos, and everyone who knows me knows how obsessed i am with that arm so it was a pretty special moment to see them so close 😭

oh before ttd i was like “the pic????” so ttd ended and people were chanting for perfect now (except for me and steph, we were chanting for just hold on skhdks) and steph yelled “the photo!!” and he immediately said lets take a photo, so we choose to ✨believe✨ that he heard her. they are practically besties now 😌

also my throat still hurts so much because we screamed the entire time 😭 kshsks

and the funniest part of the night was that getting back to the hotel, our taxi driver was a bald man in his 50s who was a harrie, but we made him a louie (he said louis has a better voice and sings better 💀) but thats a story for another day 😁

#hehe this is too long and i dont expect anyone to read it but i needed to write it down 😭#CANT BELIEVE I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN IN TWO DAYS #hope this time it actually sinks that im seeing HIM 😭😭😭#ltxt

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j0eyj0rdis0n · 4 years ago

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FIRSTS | RH

Ricky Horror | 1,939 Words

Smut

Ricky was a loner. No doubt about it. It was pretty plain to see. So it came as no surprise he didn’t have very many friends... He hoped that by junior year he would’ve had more friends than this. But he guessed that the four he had would be just fine. The four guys he’d hang around were quite the bunch, sometimes they jammed out together since they all seemed to play some instrument for a rock band, sometimes they’d sit around and listen to music, or Ricky’s least favorite option... Prank Chris’s older sister.

Chris was your younger brother and god was he a nuisance. Him and his little gang of friends would come over almost every night since your dad was a trucker, meaning he was out for a lot of the time. He really only came home to check on you both on weekends, the only time he could really have off. Your mom decided not to stick around very long when you were young so she wasn’t an issue for the boys either. They just loved to torment you.

Chris was the asshole of the group, Vinny was the wild idiot, Ryan was the crafty stoner, Justin was the devil respawned, and Ricky... Poor little Ricky. Sometimes you wondered how the kid got dragged into their group. He seemed nothing like them in everything but style. He was sweet. Always gave you shy glances, quickly looking away when he realized you’d caught him. He was the quiet one of the friends. But you knew he was damn smart.

But overall, they were all just perverted teens.

And the one thing you despised about all of them was their love to play tricks on you. That’s why you stayed in your room for the majority of the time they were at your house. You remembered when you came home from going and getting some snacks at the gas station since you had none at home, only to go up to your room and see Vinny looking through your underwear drawer. That’s when you started not leaving your room.

Another time Ryan decided to take a few pictures while you were bending over to look in the freezer for something to make for dinner. You honestly didn’t think your skirt was that short. Just goes to show boys will lay flat on their stomach for a look up there. You only knew it when everyone was filing out to leave and go home, Ricky came up to you and told you.

Chris was just along for the ride. He thought it was funny. Sometimes he’d snap your bra straps or tell you that you looked funny. Brotherly love as people liked to call it. But he never took part in the perverted antics, only laughed to you about them after. Salt in the wound.

Ricky never tried anything on you, and for that you were thankful. But this was until the guys put him up to it.

The one time you decided to come out of your room that night when you thought you were finally alone. You get a bucket of water dumped on you in the kitchen by the one and only Ricky. You stood there in shock, soaked to the bone in your white crop top and black shorts. You heard a chorus of wolf whistles from the guys who were littered around the kitchen. Vinny sitting on the table staring you down, Chris had shouted moments before that he was going to get pizza so he wasn’t around for the scene, Justin standing by the door with a smirk, Ryan behind you clapping, and poor Ricky right in front of you with the most fearful expression on.

You knew that the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra was obvious through the soaked white shirt and you were totally embarrassed. Wrapping your arms around your chest, you try to make your way to the stairs, only to be blocked by Justin.

“Y/N, our friend Ricky here needs some help and we thought you’d be the best to help him. Since you probably want to get your clothes off anyway.” You can practically hear the smirk in Ryan’s voice without having to turn around. You hear the sound of him moving closer and you stand there with your back to him as you feel his breath on your neck. “You should help Rick out. He has been talking about you all night you know...”

Why would he be talking about you? You didn’t think you were anything special... Just your brother’s sister. He couldn’t think you were attractive! Could he...?

You turn around and look at Ricky who’s still holding the bucket that’s now empty and his cheeks are a bright red and you almost find it amusing. You were only a year older than him and it seems to you that you’d gotten more action than he has. You could tell he was pretty clueless about the whole subject but you almost wanted the challenge.

You motioned with two fingers for him to come to you. His eyes snap open wide with shock and he drops the plastic bucket onto the tiled floor. You motion one more time and he scurries over to you, standing in front of you and trying to keep his eyes at a respectable level. You tried not to chuckle as you see his eyes wander. He was so nervous he was about to piss himself. You, a hot girl, were about to hopefully have sex with him. But then again, he didn’t even know if that was really the case. You could just bring him upstairs and lock him in a room until the end of the night. He didn’t know. But your boobs were quite distracting right now and his pants seemed to be rather tight.

You grab his hand and push past Justin, dragging Ricky up the stairs with you. More whistles came from the guys as you two made your way to your room.

Once you shut the door behind you both, you threw off your tiny black shorts, leaving you in lacy black underwear that Ricky couldn’t tear his eyes away from. You were not going to lay on your bed in wet shorts. Your shirt will come off next but you’ll leave a little work for Ricky. The boy needs to use his pencil arms anyway. Maybe he’ll get a workout in out of this.

You sit on the edge of your bed and look over at him as he’s standing in the doorway. He has absolutely no clue of what to do and you can totally tell.

“Ricky... Have you ever seen a girl in her underwear?” You ask.

You didn’t think it was possible but his blush only deepens as he shakes his head and looks at his feet.

“Come here.” You say calmly.

He does as you ask and stands in front of you.

“Do you want to do this?”

He shrugs.

“I need a yes or no Ricky.” You sigh.

“Y-yes...”

You smile and carefully lift his shirt over his head. He’s as skinny as you imagined him to be. You grab his hands softly and put them on the hem of your shirt. You could feel them shake as he pulled your shirt over your head. He stares shamelessly at your breasts, taking in the sight. You chuckle and undo his belt, throwing it to the other side of the room and he wastes no time chucking off his skinny jeans.

You glance down at him and you are pleasantly surprised by what you see. His black boxers are definitely tight and you feel a surge of heat down there. You shouldn’t be as excited as you are but goddamnit you don’t care.

“Have you ever kissed anyone before?” You ask sweetly.

He shakes his head no once again.

“Would you like to try?”

He nods.

You put his shaking hands on your hips as you stand up, resting your arms loosely around his neck. You lean in and kiss his lips softly, pulling away after a few seconds.

“Wasn’t so hard huh?” You smile.

He smiles in response, you’d never really realized how beautiful his smile was. It was cute, heart shaped.

He leans in for another kiss, this time much more passionate and heated. He was obviously a fast learner. You both end up on your bed, your bra and underwear had quickly disappeared along with his boxers. You guided his hands to your breasts and he gave them a slight squeeze, rolling your nipple between his fingers. He was hesitant about touching any girls breasts but he slowly warmed up to the idea. You let out a shaky breath as he kisses your neck hesitantly.

He’d seen the guys do something like this at parties. He knew they’d reach down and start touching on the girls they were with so that’s exactly what he did. Slowly he snaked his hand down your torso, rubbing a few circles on your hip bones with his thumb before continuing down, rubbing on the place it really mattered.

He smirked into the crook of your neck when you moaned quietly. He felt acomplished in a sense, that he could make a girl as beautiful as you have this reaction to a simple touch. He was so fucking hard and honestly he didn’t know what to do. It was almost painful.

“Rick.” You mumbled breathlessly as you throw a packet at him. “Put this on.”

He looked down at the packet that was on the bed. A condom. Of course. He tore open the wrapping with his teeth and rolled it on. He had no clue what to do from here. None whatsoever. He didn’t even know where the fuck to put his dick.

You saw the shyness flood back in his body and you knew exactly why. “Do you want some help?” You smile up at him.

His cheeks turn a bright red as he nods. You help guide him in the right direction until he understands, slowly pushing himself in. He has to bite his lip in order to keep a moan in. Shit you felt so good and he hadn’t even done anything yet!

You nod after a few moments, letting him know that you’ve adjusted. He takes the queue and slowly thrusts in and out. Whoa this was new. Really fucking new and he loved it. He gets to a better pace and he leans down, kissing you lightly. He didn’t know if he was doing a good job, but he was taking the moans you let out as a good sign though.

It didn’t take him all that long to finish. He felt completely wasted as he continued, trying to get you off as well. You gripped the sheets tightly, squirming every couple seconds with your eyes tightly shut. He smirked as he reached down and rubbed your clit. Your orgasm was coming up fast and shit was Ricky doing a way too good job for his first time.

You felt your thighs shake as you came, letting out an embarrassingly loud moan that you’re 100% sure they heard downstairs if they weren’t already standing outside your door. You look up at Ricky with half lidded eyes and a smile. He slowly pulls out and falls down onto the bed next to you.

“That was... Awesome..” He says softly as he looks up at the ceiling.

“Well come back anytime.” You chuckle and kiss his cheek.

Oh he will surely do that. Don’t you worry.

#ricky horror #ricky olson #ricky horror fanfic #ricky olson fanfic #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #motionless in white #motionless in white fanfic #miw #miw fanfic #miw fanfiction #smut

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goldeneyedgirl · 4 years ago

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mcu xover: jar of hearts 3/?

Oh yes, my MCU x Twilight crossover is still happening.

And this chapter may even reference the MCU directly. SHOCKING.

Seriously, I’m so sorry this took so long. I’ve been writing a lot, across a lot of different fics and this one slid to the back of the queue. Also, I wrote myself into a corner and needed to get out again.

And yes, we’re inching closer to joining up the MCU. These things take time, but it’ll happen.

part two here

roadtrip.

They’re almost in Arizona when Charlie calls to find out where the fuck Seth Clearwater is, because apparently he’s been tangling up his story all over town - he’s told anyone on the Res who asks that he’s staying with Charlie. He’s told Charlie that he’s staying with Colin or Brady.

Alice scowls at Seth through the rearview mirror and begins to weave a tale of being told Seth had permission to join them to go see their cousins - in between lecturing Seth about setting them up for a kidnapping charge across state lines.

By the end of the conversation, Charlie’s trying not to snigger at Alice’s increasingly indignant rant at Seth, at law breaking in general, and at fucking son-of-a-bitch moron drivers, sweet Jesus. Emmett and Seth are howling at Alice’s cussing and even Charlie is a little bit shocked at her language (later, when the boys are picking on her about it, she rolls her eyes, looks over the top of her heart-shaped sunglasses, and reminds them both - quite primly - that she married a goddamned soldier.)

Seth’s favourite part of the whole ordeal is that Alice isn’t even driving.

But Charlie clears Seth accompanying them, so that’s one less problem. Of course, it means his Jeep stinks of human food, and that they have to stop, but they still make good time up to Alaska.

It’s a hard drive to make - closer to the cities and urban, abandoned cars have been moved off the road. But in the rural areas, cars are still scattered, seemingly abandoned or crashed. Most of the bodies have been removed, thankfully. But still, only most. And it’s been weeks - months - since it happened, so those bodies aren’t in good condition.

And not all of them are adults.

They start out burying the people they find (well, Emmett and Alice do - they both insist Seth stay in the damn car), but then only the children.

Then they just stop because they are both tired of handling rotting bodies who never should have died, let alone forgotten on the side of a long, empty stretch of highway. The graves they’ve already dug haven’t got markers or anything. Just a hole on the side of the road.

It doesn’t feel like enough.

The house in Denali feels wrong before they even get out of the car. The house has always had a sense of otherness, thanks to the fact that it’s the permanent residence of immortals. But right now, it feels more forgotten, lesser in a way.

Tanya’s walking out the front door the second the car pulls up, and she looks old. Tired and strained, and she walks straight into the hug Alice offers.

Seth gapes at the house - the enormous glass-and-wood lodge, tucked carefully in the wilderness where it is mostly forgotten. It might be on a map somewhere, might be noted down in some database, but it is mostly overlooked, a sanctuary in the middle of nowhere.

There’s not really much for them to say or do in Alaska, Emmett realises; Carmen and Tanya are more than capable enough to manage on their own.

Except… Carmen looks like a ghost. She looks disorientated and disinterested, and there’s a part of Emmett that is cold and dead that is perversely fascinated with all the different ways there are to fall apart after the loss of a mate. He’s walking around like a hollowed-out old man, Alice is… not quite there, a little unbalanced.

Sometimes he wonders if Rosalie should have stayed, should have taken his place instead. He would have given it to her, without question. Rose only deserved good things, easy things.

But then he wonders. If living through it all really was easy or good. It doesn’t feel like it, most days. It’s a heavy weight in his chest and a constant feeling of leaving something behind (he’s got one of her hair ties around his wrist; it’s dumb but he always had one on him just in case - at school, when they went hunting, everywhere; he’s also got one of her shirts in his bag. It won’t smell right, being crammed in with his stuff, but he brought it anyway).

Rose wouldn’t have been happy in this world. She wouldn’t have known what to do with Alice or Seth. She would have been angry at the disruption to her life. She would have been afraid and lonely and lashed out at everyone.

No, not good and easy at all.

Then he wonders how Jasper would have faired, without Alice, and that is a grim, grizzly train of thought. Thanos would have begged for death, if Alice had been taken and Jasper left behind. He’s only ever seen a glimpse of the monster behind the man over the decades since Jasper and Alice joined the family, and it’s enough to think that perhaps nature intervened and tried to protect everyone from what Jasper would become without Alice.

They stay in Alaska for two days; Tanya and Carmen are ill-at-ease with Seth, even after they explain who he is.

“But,” Tanya had frowned, “why is he with you?”

He didn’t have an answer for that.

Because Seth was… he was Other, like the Cullens. He understood what it was like to be special and expect to be strong enough to survive and to save; to be beyond the reach of petty mortal shit. He was a fucking kid, who’d lost his family, his friends, and most of his community. Fuck, at this rate, he’d lost his childhood too. He was the natural leader of what remained of the pack, and he’d done something fairly smart - looked for adult guidance.

A shame that the only thing he could find in its place was him and Alice. If someone had ranked his family by ‘best choice to care for a teenage boy’ he, Alice, and Jasper would have been dead last. Edward would have ranked higher.

(It still feels weird to think or talk about Alice without adding ‘and Jasper’. Like he’s mispronouncing a word.)

But it is what it is, and Seth’s still clocking more hours doing online school than online games on the laptop Alice gave him, plus there’s a bunch of food in the back of the Jeep, so they aren’t failing too badly.

Seth turns red when Tanya smiles at him, and Alice banishes him to a guest room, loudly forbidding any imprinting for the next decade, and that just means Emmett has to explain imprinting to Carmen and Tanya, and Alice has to read the riot act to Tanya about not flirting with the fourteen-year-old boy upstairs and it almost feels like old times.

They go hunting whilst Seth is asleep, and it’s obvious that nothing is the same. So much of the forest surrounding the house is just… gone. Empty, as if there was never trees looming over them, underbrush to push through. There are less animals to track and hunt, no excuse to be picky.

It was probably the same around Forks, truthfully, except there was that cloud of grief and horror surrounding him and Alice when they hunted - that was where Edward stumbled and fell. That was where Jasper couldn’t run any longer.

That was where he heard Alice scream when Rosie disintegrated.

In the harsh light of day, the situation feels much bleaker, much bigger outside of the insular forests of the Olympic Peninsula.

They don’t see a single bear.

He’s not entirely sure why they’ve come to Alaska, except he sees Carmen and Alice go off together, finds them sitting quietly together talking. On one hand, he wishes that he could sit with them; that he lost Rose just like they lost Jasper and Eleazer, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want to be a part of that particular club. Doesn’t have words left to comfort Carmen. Most of his platitudes have started sounding hollow.

Alice vanishes one morning, and leaves him to help Seth with school work, and he grimly realises they have nearly four more years of this until Seth graduates. But things will be different before then; they’ll be back in Forks and Seth can ask paid professionals to explain algebra to him.

When Alice returns, it’s time to go - she’s been off in the wilderness, trying to See around Seth, and deciding to go off on her own is, apparently, the best way.

“Call us if you need anything,” Tanya says, pulling all three of them into crushing hugs, and if Seth turns red and tries to look down Tanya’s top, Alice pretends not to notice.

“Where are you headed next?” Carmen asks, as Seth climbs in the back, clutching an energy drink they’re all going to regret.

Alice smiles. But it’s the wrong kind of smile; it’s sharp and sinister and looks wrong on her face. A Cheshire Cat smile, a Joker smile, and Emmett wonders if after all these years together, if Jasper’s reactive violence hasn’t bled into his wife a little.

“We’re going to Mexico.”

—

The trip to Mexico can be described as long.

If the Jeep wasn’t Rosalie’s last gift to him, then they probably could have run there faster, even with Seth in tow. But there won’t be anymore perfectly modified cars ever again, so he’s staying with the Jeep.

Alice gives up the passenger seat once they make it through to Alberta, apologetic that Seth’s been crammed in the backseat. But then Alice starts muttering to herself, tapping away on her phone, and seems distracted and irritated when Emmett tries to get her attention.

He can’t make out what she’s saying at all, it’s just an irregular hum, and he wonders if she’s having more of her one-sided conversations with Jasper.

The trip takes a week, winding through landlocked states. It shouldn’t take so long except everything is in chaos; they lose an entire afternoon carefully shifting some abandoned cars off the road to get the Jeep through in the middle of backwoods Montana. They spend hours waiting for gas every time they stop. And Seth might be a mystical shapeshifter, but he needs a proper bed, and hot food, and human moments; they have varying success at finding all three, but they try, and Seth is nothing if not agreeable and grateful for even the smallest attempt at making him comfortable.

They find an abandoned farm in Wyoming and they let Seth transform and run for a few hours at dusk, sitting on the front of the Jeep in silence until it’s dark enough for them to hunt, as well.

It feels like the world has ended, some days, and they are the only ones left - to him, at least. Maybe that’s why Alice is talking to herself - it’s the only sensible answer she’ll get.

Some towns are empty; no one for miles. The information that filters through the internet mentions people heading to the cities, to the larger towns, because the population is too small to keep so many different settlements functioning. There’s no money or survival if you’ve lost your entire farm, if the hospital or the school is unmanned.

And Emmett wonders if he’s been cured of human blood for good now he’s seen so much of it spilt, stale and rotting, on the backroads of the country. It feels like everything smells just a little bit like decomposition right now. He’s not sure if that’s him or if that’s everything.

And they get closer to Mexico.

—

They arrive just as the day turns to night, and he expects… he’s not sure what he expects, honestly. Maybe setting up in the motel they’ve found, that Alice has declared a safe distance from any of Maria’s plotting, and getting Seth some fresh food - he hasn’t complained, but even Emmett’s tired of the pre-packaged, long-life crap.

Instead, Alice slips from the car, clad in jeans and a leather jacket, tucking her phone in her back pocket.

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” she says, like she’s going alone.

“What?” Seth looks suspiciously at the pair of them, and it’s only later that he realises the kid is terrified of being left behind. That he’ll cling to their belt loops with his dying breath. His mom left, his sister left, his friends and pack left, and he took a chance on leaving everything else that was left to stick with them.

That makes Emmett feel guilty for no reason he can name.

“I can’t see with you around me,” Alice says gently. “It’s a simple clean-up job, it won’t take long.”

Seth frowns and looks at Emmett.

“You aren’t doing this alone, Alice. Even if we wait in the car,” he says with finality. This isn’t going to be an argument, because there’s nothing to argue about. He’s not letting Alice roam around in a city full of uncontrolled newborns, no matter how talented she is.

Alice scowls. “I know what I’m doing, Emmett,” her voice is sharp, and she never likes reminding them of how long she was alone before she found Jasper; what the family knows about those years is quite vague and patchwork - as far as Alice is concerned, nothing important happened before she met Jasper, as if she popped into being on a diner stool just in time.

Rose always suspected Alice’s real story was very lonely, very frightening, but no one asks when she so obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. He knows what it costs for her to bring it up now.

“I know. But that doesn’t mean I’m letting my only sister go newborn hunting alone,” Emmett says, and Alice sighs and nods - her visions have gone dark, obviously this is not a battle she can win.

Emmett ends up wishing that he and Seth had stayed behind.

Alice is like a laser, zeroing on her targets with a single-minded intensity. He hears that hum faintly, of her talking to herself and he wants to ask her what she’s saying, what thoughts are so important she needs to say them almost out loud but he doesn’t get a chance.

The first one of Maria’s abandoned acolytes is a girl around seventeen with matted black hair and a dress that Emmett mistakes for some kind of lace at first, except it’s the remnants of dozens of meals dried across the front of her, ripples of dried, stale blood that have solidified into a repulsive black and red mass.

She snarls at them, her face bloody, and the pale form of a man beneath her. Alice just walks up to her and backhands her with a crack that makes Seth jump; Emmett flinches but he’d never admit it.

The newborn snaps at Alice, and in one movement, the girl is pinned to the brick wall behind them, cracks spiralling up her neck from Alice’s tight grip.

“Who the hell are you?” the girl snaps in Spanish and Alice says nothing, just rips her head off by her neck, the screech sounding deafening so close. Moments later, her body is in pieces in a dumpster, along with her victim, and Alice has set the entire thing alight, her face blank.

Emmett makes a decision then, to leave Seth in a brightly lit burger place with a promise he’ll be back in one hour because this is nothing a kid should see.

And he’s so, so glad that he made that choice. Alice’s hunt is something that will be burned into his brain for the rest of his life.

The next newborn is a middle-aged male who reminds Emmett of his English lit teacher back at Forks, right down to the salt and pepper streaks in his hair and the slightly off-centre nose. He’s the worst of the night, Emmett silently decides, as he guards his hunt - a family of five that he’s only half-finished. The father is extremely, viscerally dead and there’s no putting him back together; the mother is choking and struggling for a breath that her torn throat will never give her as she bleeds out; the baby in her arms is long dead with its head taken up by a gaping wound. There are two young girls, clinging to each other in terror, and there is no way this ends well.

The newborn obviously thinks Emmett is more of a threat than petite little Alice, practically frothing at the mouth as Emmett approaches him, and grabs at one of the children. It all happens in seconds - the girls scream, there is a crunch of bone and more screaming, the rich scent of fresh blood, another crunch of bone and muscle, and then the newborn’s head is half-torn away before Alice can get better leverage and finish the job. The dead child dangles from his grip, bent the wrong way; her sister has her head half caved in, and the mother still chokes on her own blood. It all happens so fast.

He should have stayed with Seth.

He lets Alice handle the rest of them - she’s located six of Maria’s surviving nine, and after the family, she takes them down swiftly and wordlessly, just a diminutive blur and the sound of tearing metal.

The sweet smoke clings to them as they make their way back to Seth, Alice’s head down.

“I thought,” she began and just shook her head. And he reached out to squeeze her shoulder.

She thought it would be closure, would feel like an ending or an achievement. That there would be some peace in ending Maria’s life’s work. Instead, she’s just the same, but with blood on her boots and a tear in her jeans. The newborns barely got an opportunity to fight back, to give her the pound of flesh she was looking for.

Seth is waiting for them in the window of the store, a broad grin on his face when he spots them. Back to the motel for the night, now. And then tomorrow…

“So,” he says finally. “What now?”

#twilight fic #alice cullen #emmett cullen #seth clearweater #mcu crossover #my fic: jar of hearts #marvel #mcu fic #why yes we did need a twilight x mcu crossover #it felt necessary

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architectuul · 4 years ago

Text

Yugoslavia Express

in a discussion with the photographer Roberto Conte, who discovered the modernism of Yugoslavia during his 9000 km photo trip.

Portrait Photo © Melania Avanzato

Roberto, why is an Italian, Western guy interested in Yugoslavia National Liberation struggle monuments from the WWII?

As an architecture photographer I work a lot with the post-war modernist architecture. I soon realized that a former neighbor nation of my country was literally disseminated by very interesting structures, rather expressionist but with a more modern appeal, with some extremely interesting solutions or design proposals with so many names that would deserved to be known more and that is the worthy purpose of many publications and exhibitions like the project organized by Architectuul. I didn't know much about Yugoslavia in general, despite the geographical proximity.

Monument to the Uprising of the People of Banija and Kordun (1971-1981) in Petrova Gora, Croatia by Berislav Šerbetić | Photo © Roberto Conte

My first trip to Belgrade was in 2015, followed by a big tour in 2017. One thing, that impressed me very much, is the locations of most of memorials and monuments strictly tied to the places were important and often painful historical events took places and not just a way to celebrate those people from the distance, like in the main cities itself. It's really a strong connection with the genius loci, the spirit of the place, and that gives a totally different read to these monuments and, of course, a totally different approach about the preservation of them.

Korčanica Memorial Complex (1975-79) by Ljubomir Denković on Grmeč mountain in Bosnia and Herzegovina | Photo © Roberto Conte

For example, just to mention two of the most famous spomeniks, I would like to mention the monuments in Petrova Gora, Croatia, and in Grmeč, Bosnia and Herzegovina. They both remember episodes of resistance dating back to WWII and located in the very places where things happened, and that gives a lot to them. The first is located on a hill and the surreal silence of the area is just broken by the low buzz of the repeaters/signal amplifiers put on the top of it. The second lies literally in the middle of the forest, in this case with the only buzz of mosquitos. As a person interested in the topics architecture, memory and time it's strange to see them.

On your trip map are also many other sites, not only monuments, how did the research started and what was the context of your research?

My very first trip was in Belgrade, were I explored the city a lot with the focus on the suburbs. I was totally surprised to see the Genex Tower as well as the whole New Belgrade, but also the Rudo Buildings, the now famous Toblerone in Karaburma and so many more. Despite the conditions of some of them, while some are in way better shape that many public housing complexes in Italy, I realized that in those years there was a genuine push in providing a real and modern home to many people that were moving to a fast growing city on a scale that I had never seen before.

Konjarnik neighborhood (1972-75), New Belgrade | Photo © Roberto Conte

On top of that, many buildings related to leisure activities, such as the 25 May Sport Complex, the Museum of Contemporary Art, the Aeronautical Museum or the Pionir Sport Complex were designed in a very innovative way and a complementary feature in this idea of modern city and modern urban citizen. After that trip I wanted to discover more, therefor I started to research and read more where I broadened my interest also to the memorials for the National liberation struggle of the WWII.

Residential building in Split by Dinko Kovačić | Photo © Roberto Conte

Without the need to gather the material for a specific publication or a pre-determined editorial project I was free to move as much as I wanted so I started to scout the buildings I was more interested to reading some books as Modernism In-Between, checked online databases as Architectuul or the Spomenik Database as well as scouting sites using satellite imagery.

Student Dormitory Goče Delčev by Georgi Konstantinovski in Skopje, Northern Macedonia | Photo © Roberto Conte

We are talking also about the unity in no border’s Europe but during your trip you have to cross many borders?

I travelled for about 9,000 km, crossing each single republic that once formed Yugoslavia, but whose current divisions were pretty much shown by the 15-border crossing I had to queue, and in some cases I had some not kind inspections and questions. Of course I realized the clear differences from some place to another, but at the same time my trip was organized following a common line and I often checked architectures made by the same people but now located in different nations, in many cases neglected, when not even destroyed, like for example the monument in Knin.

The monument to the National People's Struggle (1964-65) by Janez Lenassi and Siva Baraga in Ilirska Bistrica. | Photo © Roberto Conte

To be honest it was a very weird feeling, as an Italian born in 1980 I remember very well the borders inside the European Union and I am glad to be able to travel from one country to another, on the opposite, a country that was united as Yugoslavia is now so much divided, not only by state borders but sometimes also by ethnic differences inside the same republics.

Makedonium, also known as the Monument to the Ilinden Uprising (1973-74) designed by Jordan and Iskra Grabuloska. | Photo © Roberto Conte

But in one leg of my trip, between the incredible memorial complex of Kadinjaća in Serbia and the Bratunac spomenik in Bosnia and Herzegovina, I crossed a border on the river Drina. It was a bit strange to see two fishermen right in the middle of the river, right in the very same waters and immersed in the very same landscape, but ideally located in two different countries.

Monument to the Revolution (1969-72) by Dušan Džamonja, at the Kozara mountain, Bosnia and Herzegovina. | Photo © Roberto Conte

Did you have some other encounters?

Beside some recent and pretty ridiculous revival in Italy we have quite a detached relation with our flag, mainly used only for soccer events, and the need of highlighting our ethnical identity. That's also why I found it rather interesting what happened to me between Montenegro and Kosovo. I was at the gas station in Rožaje, Montenegro, waiting for my tank to be filled. Then I heard the horns of a column of cars celebrating a wedding (as we also do quite often in Italy), but the thing is that on the first car there was a huge Serbian flag waving proudly.

The Jasenovac Monument by Bogdan Bogdanović is devoted to the victims of the Ustasha genocide during World War II. | Photo © Roberto Conte

I found it interesting that a micro-social event, such as a wedding, was considered a good opportunity to wave a flag, moreover considering that these people living in Montenegro was considering themselves more connected to another country, in this case Serbia. Then I crossed the mountain and the border with Kosovo and when I was approaching to the city of Peje I've seen another horning car parade, another wedding, with another flag! And, once again, the flag was about the one of another, Albania. I found these episode quite revealing of a probably diffused attitude.

---

Architecture. Sculpture. Remembrance. The Art of Monuments of Yugoslavia 1945–1991.

Curators: Boštjan Bugarič, Kristina Dešman, Maja Ivanič, Špela Kuhar, Eva Mavsar, Špela Nardoni Kovač, Damjana Zaviršek Hudnik Producer: DESSA gallery Židovska steza 4, Ljubljana, Slovenija Organiser: DESSA gallery, ab_Arhitektov bilten, DAL, Architectuul Mediapartner: Architectuul

*** Also read interviews in DOMUS, ÉPÍTÉSZFORUM and WEARCH

#interview

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sambergscott · 5 years ago

Note

OOH! 🚦im excited

prompt: kissing at red lights + driving mac home for the very first time

He nervously taps his hands against the steering wheel, fiddles with the mirrors and lowers the window, despite the cool October air sending a shiver through his body.

He’s driven this route a million times over - their apartment to the hospital and the hospital back to their apartment. From the early days of their partnership, taking Amy home after she fell and sprained her wrist in pursuit of a perp, to their anniversary last year, holding hands over the central console and discussing their Thai take-out order, to a couple of months back, touring the maternity ward; he knows every pot hole, left turn and shortcut to avoid the crazy New York traffic. But he’s never driven it with a baby before. His perfect, day-old, liquid fire baby. It’s a lot of presh.

He glances at Amy over his shoulder, quadruple checking that Mac’s car seat is secure. She kisses his chubby cheeks and shuts the passenger door, climbing in the front with Jake.

She grimaces in pain as she settles into the seat.

“Still sore?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer. He saw Page 53 with his own eyes.

“Mm-hmm,” she confirms half-heartedly, trying not to complain. Not after they waited so long for this moment. Not after all the vitamins and overly-scheduled sex and nights spent crying into his chest. She’s already told him she’d go through the pain - both physical and mental - all over again to end up with this outcome, to end up with Mac.

(“I could’ve done without having to run an entire precinct on my own during a citywide blackout while in labor, mind,” she added, making him laugh.)

“You’re a freakin’ hero. You did so good, Ames.”

She blushes under his complement and double-tucks and yeah, that still sends his heart into overdrive.

“As soon as my Paternity Leave is up, I’m recommending you for a Medal of Valor. As is Holt. As is Terry. As is Rosa. As is Charles. Hitchcock and Scully still think they saved the precinct by emptying the fridge, but I’ll just forge their signatures or something. You deserve this.”

Mac makes a noise of agreement in the backseat or maybe it’s more of a “hurry up and get home so I can get out of this car seat” kind of thing, but either way, Jake starts the engine.

“I love you so much,” Amy says, her eyes filling with tears.

“Love you so much too,” he responds easily. He can’t believe he ever struggled to say those words, the way it comes so naturally now. He tells her he loves her all the time - at the end of phone calls, on post-it notes stuck on the fridge, in work emails attached to information on a case, at home, when she brings him a coffee or pretends to care about Mario Party, when she wears one of his plaid shirts or on Thursdays when she goes over their weekly budget, her tongue sticking out her mouth in concentration. His heart feels so full, yet his love for her only seems to grow and grow.

His love for the little guy, too.

Every look, every tiny whimper, every time he clenches Jake’s finger in his fist. He may have his dad’s face, but he has certainly inherited Amy Santiago’s incredible everything else.

He goes to press his foot on the gas, but his muscles atrophy, refusing to let him move the metal death-trap and endanger his newest best friend.

He takes a deep breath, reassures himself that it will be fine, that people safely take their babies home from hospital all the time, that they specifically bought this car because of its safety features, and tries again.

Nope.

His leg won’t move.

His brain runs wild with everything that could go wrong. He could fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die. A drunk driver could swerve towards them, crash, and die. The engine could blow up, causing them to crash, and die.

“Jake, let’s go,” Amy prompts, already missing the weight of their son in her arms.

“I’m scared,” he confesses, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “What if something happens? What if I suddenly forget how to drive? What if the car spontaneously explodes?”

“This isn’t Fast and Furious, Jake. There will be no explosions. We’re just taking our son home.”

“We have so many arch nemeses that might want to hurt him,” he frets. They’ve collectively put away hundreds and hundreds of criminals and the list of those wanting to get back at them is long.

“Then they’ll take one look at his adorable face and change their mind. Come on, if I can push this massive baby out, you can do the 15 minute drive home.”

He nods quickly, looks at Mac one last time, and gently presses the accelerator. For his wife.

He drives at like 20 mph, earning himself a lot of honking horns, middle fingers and shouted curse words in thick New York accents from the queue of cars behind.

“You alright there, Peralta?” She says as he stops at a red light, raising her eyebrows. “You never drive this slow.”

“Got precious cargo in the back,” he explains. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning white. His eyes are all over the place, his detective intuition seeking out any potential threats. His heart beats faster and faster.

Amy leans over the central console and kisses him tenderly.

It helps.

There’s an angry honk behind them when they miss the light change and he holds his hand up in apology, setting off at a snail’s pace once more.

He stops at 8 more lights, earning a kiss for every block closer to home.

When they finally reach the apartment and he switches off the engine, he leans his head back against the seat, releasing a shuddering breath. “That was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done. And I had to use a prison shower.”

“You’re a freakin’ hero and you did so good,” she repeats his words from before.

He shakes his head. “Driving has got nothing on Page 53, babe.”

“Yeah, you’re right, Page 53 was not fun.” She scrunches up her nose at the memory. “Help me out?”

“Of course, m’lady,” he grins, jumping out of his side and jogging to her door, wrapping his arm around her torso and helping her up.

Amy gets Mac, delighting in the way his eyes light up when he sees her and Jake gets the bags and Baby Boy balloons and locks up the car, following them to the apartment door.

First big dad challenge, nailed.

Maybe he can do this after all.

#my writing #b99 fic #jake x amy #b99 spoilers #I love Mac!!!!!#I will never shut up about him

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lu-undy · 4 years ago

Note

Hi!❤️. Spy is a romantic. He always makes nice things for Sniper, and the dates he plans are amazing. Sniper wants to be romantic too, so, this time, he wants to surprise Spy with his own planned date. He'll take him camping and they'll watch the starry together. Convincing Spy to go camping was a little hard, but totally worth it, Spy completely loved that date.

Alright, a date in the forest it is! I hope you’ll like it!

“Non, Sniper, I cannot accept.”

“How can you not like it if you’ve never tried it?”

Spy got up from the shade of the van and walked further away, his more-than-friend on his heels.

“Let us be serious, Sniper. Do you see me in the middle of a forest with squeaky plastic green boots?”

The Australian sighed and let his shoulders sink. He put a hand on Spy’s back who had just lit a cigarette.

“Spook, please… You always take me to wonderful places I’ve never been before, luxurious hotels and restaurants, and there was the tailor too, that fancy hairdresser… I want to try and open yer horizons too. I-I’m sorry I’m not a fancy city man like you but-but I’m sure I can make it worth your time.”

Sniper saw the cloud of smoke float in the air like the steam of an old train. Thoughts were racing in Spy’s head.

“Please, Spy. It’s not all about dirt and wilderness. There are beautiful things outside of a city’s walls.”

The Frenchman turned to face the reason his heart was beating for and Sniper put his gloved hand on his cheek.

“Like you, right now, you’re in the middle of the desert and uh… Y-you… You’re just beautiful.”

Spy raised his eyes to Sniper. His lagoon blue eyes shone so gently that he didn’t find it in his cold stone heart to refuse.

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“Oui. Let us go camping tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much!” The Australian squeezed the slim Frenchman between his arms.

“S-Sniper!”

“Ah, yeah, sorry, the suit, alroight, I’m sorry.” Sniper took a step back and wrapped his arms around his own self, lowering his head. He knew the Frenchman didn’t like anyone to touch his absurdly expensive attire.

“Sniper, look at me.”

The Australian shyly raised his eyes.

“I don’t like when other people touch my suit…” Spy added a smug smile, for good measure.

They had spent the night in Sniper’s campervan and when the sun rose up, the Frenchman found himself entangled in his lover’s limbs. His first reflex was to free himself certainly out of professional habit but then he realised that he liked that embrace more than he could admit. The warmth of his lover, the comfort of his soft body, the touch of his rough skin against Spy’s…

“Mornin’, Spook…”

“Oh, you woke up?”

“Felt you movin’ on me.”

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to disturb your sleep. You may go back to your dreams if you will.” Spy took Sniper’s hand in his and kissed his knuckles. He couldn’t see it but the Australian’s eyes snapped wide under the gentle touch.

“Not a chance. I’m likin’ this way too much…” The embrace tightened.

“So, when are we going to the jungle, Tarzan?”

“Oi, I’m no Tarzan and I’m takin’ you to a forest, not a jungle.”

“I don’t see the shadow of a difference.”

“Between me and Tarzan or between a jungle and the forest?”

“Oui.”

“You’re a bloody mystery and a half.”

“It is indeed my job title.”

About an hour later, the van was crossing the empty golden, flat desert, on the thin strip of grey asphalt.

“Are we there yet?”

“Spook, not yet.”

A few seconds passed and the van's engine was roaring.

“And now, Bushman, are we there yet?”

“Do you see anythin’ that looks like a bloody forest?”

“Non, I can only see the dull, boring orange desert.”

“Well then that means we’re not there yet, roight?”

“How long is this journey, Bushman? Are we going to make it before you get baby kangaroos?”

“Oi! A bit of patience, Spook!”

The Frenchman sighed and let his head fall back on the headrest.

“Also, I can’t get babies on my own, this isn’t how it works.”

“Is this an invitation?” Spy smirked.

“Shut up!” Sniper nudged him with his elbow.

The journey took an extra hour before they could see the end of the orange and the beginning of the green. The Australian lifted his foot off the gas pedal and eventually parked somewhere that the Frenchman would describe as “the middle of nowhere”.

“Roight, this is it.”

“Ah, oui, merci Sniper, for this delightful ride to the middle of nowhere, forest edition.”

“Oh get out and cheer up, I’ll show you some nice stuff!” Sniper answered and cut the engine off.

“After you, Mister guide…”

They got off the van.

“Uhm, I am not really dressed for this, Sniper.”

“Come ‘round. I can lend you some clothes.”

“Non merci.”

[No thanks.]

“You’d rather walk around in yer suit and nice shoes, then?”

“I did not say that.”

“Then c’mere.”

They walked to the van’s back and Sniper jumped in. He rummaged through his belongings and found an old flannel shirt and a pair of jeans as well as some white trainers.

“Here, wear this.”

“I do hope that you are kidding me, mon beau.”

[my handsome one]

“Nah, I’m not. It should be yer size more or less and it’s fine to get them a bit dirty, although you’ll see that we’re not gonna go through any survival things. This is just to show you that you can find as many beautiful things in nature as you can in a city.”

The Frenchman winced.

“Alroight, I can uh… I mean if it helps, I can… Ahem…” Sniper put a hand on the nape of his neck.

Spy jumped in the van and got close to his lover.

“Tell me, what is it?”

Sniper glanced over his lover’s shoulder and seeing the door shut, he lowered his head and whispered.

“I… I can remove yer suit for you and dress you up… I-if that helps I mean…”

“Oh I don’t know if that would help.” Spy smirked and put his index finger under Sniper’s chin to push it up until their eyes met. “On one hand, if you do remove my clothes, I might get carried away. Should you proceed anyway, I would find it most enjoyable.”

“Is that a yes then?”

“Oui.”

“Alroight…”

A few minutes later, both men were out in the green. Spy kept his gloves and balaclava on. He took his lover’s hand in his.

“Show me then, please.”

“Alroight, see those trees here, well, you gotta understand somethin’ about the way they work…”

It wasn’t a visit, it was a trek, an excursion, a hike across the green. The Australian unveiled the secrets of the forest, the local wildlife as well as the typical flora around this parts.

“Oh and what is it about the mosquitoes! it’s getting worse!”

“Ah that must mean one thing, Spook, we’re getting closer to some water. Oh, look here, on the ground.”

“What are those fluffy, uhm, mille-pattes?”

“Mill-what?”

“What do you call those insects with a lot of legs?”

“Ah, caterpillars. These are called caterpillars.”

“Why are they so fluffy? Can we touch them?”

Spy got his finger closer to them.

“No, no, don’t! They’ll sting you!”

The Australian took his lover’s hand away.

“And why do they walk in a line like this? They look like they’re queueing for something…”

“Haha, my poor city man, they’re blind, that’s why they follow the only one that has any idea where it’s going!”

“Oh… I see…”

“What do you think about’em?”

“They look actually quite pretty. And very organised.”

“Glad to hear you say it, they’re amazin’ these creatures, see? Blind but they know what they’re doing! Let’s continue.”

“Fine, I’ll follow you.”

The guided tour lasted the entire day and to Spy, it seemed that he had received an entire encyclopaedia of information about the place. Everything had been accounting for, every straw of grass included. The sun was now gently setting in the distance.

“Hungry, luv’?”

The Frenchman raised an eyebrow.

“Did you just call me…?”

“Oh, uhm, sorry, that came out like that, I didn’t think about it, uh…”

“Don’t apologise, now I am quite hungry indeed…”

Spy winked at his lover and Sniper’s cheeks turned red instantly.

“R-roight, uhm, I-I’ll get the fire goin’ uh…”

“Sniper?”

“Yeah?”

“Let me light the fire, please.”

Sniper’s eyebrows jumped.

“You know how to do it?”

“May I try?”

“Alroight, go ahead. I’ll get to the van and arrange some stuff meanwhile.”

A few minutes later, the Australian exited his van again.

“Crikey, you did it! You lit a fire!”

Sniper jumped out of his van and leapt at his lover.

“Mon amour, non-oof!”

[My love]

The momentum of the Australian’s jump made them both tumble and fall on the grass. The Frenchman rolled his eyes.

“Oh now even my balaclava will be dirty…!”

“Yeah, but it’s protecting yer hair! Why are you always seeing the glass always half-empty?”

Spy smiled.

“I guess you are right.”

“Also, did you just call me-?”

“My love, oui, I did.”

“I… I love you.”

Sniper wrapped his arms around his lover and buried his head in his chest as he laid on top of him on the earthy ground of the forest.

“Sniper, y-you are crushing me…”

“Don’t care, I just love you.”

They enjoyed their sausages and marshmallows, sat on a tree log, Spy leaning his head on his lover’s shoulder. The sun had now fully set and the sole source of light on which they could rely was the dancing flames of the campfire that the Frenchman had made.

“It’s cold now, mon amour.”

“It is. Climb up the van’s roof, I’ll be a minute.”

“The roof?”

“Yeah.”

“But it’s cold!”

“Trust me, Spook, please.”

“Fine. I have been so far so why not go all the way?"

A few minutes later, both men were on the van’s rooftop. Sniper had put the flames out and only the smoke floated in the air, evaporating through the darkness of the night.

“Here, a duvet, we’ll be a bit warmer.”

The Australian sat next to his lover and threw the cover on their shoulders. Spy snuggled up against his taller man.

“Now look up, luv’. See those stars in the sky?”

“I see them in your eyes.”

Sniper looked down and saw the Frenchman’s eyes riveted on his, his wide black pupils reflecting the moonlight.

“Oh, uh, they must look tiny on my eyes, uh, y-you better look at the sky to see them better, I think.”

“You are adorable.” Spy took Sniper’s arm in his and looked up.

“See those stars shaped like a saucepan?”

“Oui.”

“That’s the Great Bear.”

“It doesn’t look like one, does it?” Spy tilted his head left and right, trying to see where on Earth anyone could see a bear up there.

“Nah, it’s true… And that one there, the upside down saucepan, that’s the Small Bear.”

“It doesn’t make any sense, Bushman. Who are these people who decided on that, their vision is terrible! Have they ever seen a bear in real life?!”

“Oi, don’t blame me, I have nothing to do with that, luv’! I’m just explaining it to ya.”

“I know, but still. They should have called it the saucepan and the upside down saucepan.”

“I agree with ya. Now there’s that one there, that’s the Dragon.”

“And unsurprisingly, it does not look like one.”

“Oh cause maybe you have seen a dragon in real life?”

“And what if I did.”

“Oh, shut up and c’mere…!”

They snuggled up closer to each other under their white fluffy blanket and the dark one God had laid above their heads.

“So what about today? Did you like it?”

“Oui, I think I did. You know a lot of things about this… Nature business…”

“Well, yeah, I’ve lived most of my adult life outside and in me van, so I guess it makes sense.”

“I find this interesting.”

“Is that a way to say that you would like a second trip some time?”

“Maybe, Bushman. It all depends on one thing, you see.”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“The way that you decide to spend this night with me.”

“Well, we’ve got the cover here and no one around for miles…”

The gaze they exchanged in the night sealed their decision and as the day had started with their limbs entangled, it ended the same way.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy

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cosmiclatte28 · 4 years ago

Text

TEMPO (racer reader x sehun, nct, exo) #3

Hi you made it this far...

read the previous chapters here 1 / 2

Meanwhile..

“Yes Kai! It’s a big win tonight. Come on let’s party. Drinks are on Kai tonight!” Baekhyun cheers loudly when Kai returns to them with the money.

“Easy game tonight?” Lay speaks up.

Kai ponders for a moment “It’s a rough game.. I’m surprised by the 127 racer. It’s a girl right? I saw her small body .. I must say she’s a tough one. Though I managed to kick her and made her lost her balance. She fell right before the finish line.”

“Not really a gentleman are you?” Chanyeol teases him. “Anyways it’s a competition. Someone’s bound to win and someone’s bound to lose. Tonight the spotlight is yours! Shall we party?”

Kai, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Lay, and the others made their way to the nearest bar to celebrate Kai’s first win in the new cage.

“I think I saw Sehun earlier.. he has changed! He goes to street racing now.. what is he doing..” Lay blurts out when they finished several bottles down.

“Oh right! You saw him too? I thought I was seeing things.” Kai abruptly sit up straight.

“Maybe it’s someone like Sehun. I don’t think this place is his style.” Baekhyun cuts the wild imaginations and the two men seem to agree they’re just seeing things.

Kai becomes the new star player after (y/n). Because (y/n) is in hiatus.. Kai actually dominates the track. Yuta does beat him in most of the races, but in other programs where Yuta did not sign up, Kai is the favorite player.

Apparently for Kai, the competitors here are too easy for him. He is looking for that one player. The mysterious girl he knocked off on his first race. He knows she’s not playing probably because of what he did, but Kai has never seen her properly. Let alone know her name or status here. Funny how deep in his heart he feels bad whenever he remembers the scene. Kai knows it’s coward for him to kick a girl opponent.. and most importantly she looks smaller than the other players.

After finishing his race, he walks to Kris who acts as his manager and asks “Hyung. Do you know where is the 127 girl that I beat on my first race here?”

“Oh that girl.. she’s on break. Her left hand is fractured.. she’s actually the ace player here before you come.”

“Whose team is she in?” Kai looks around the crowd.

“I’m pretty sure that young boys.. over there.. sharp gazes tight pants leather jackets.. pink and purple hair” Kris points to Taeyong and Jaehyun.

“Wait.. I know them..” Kai puts his vision to the small group. He knows the other two.. it’s Johnny and Yuta.

“Apparently the brunette boy is also their racer for the short track program. He beats you several time right?” Kris shifts his gaze to the small team too.

Kai nods “Yeah. Yuta is a tough racer. Where is their ace.. shouldn’t she come and watch?”

Kris shrugs his shoulder “I don’t know Kai.. anyways I see Sehun was with them on that day.”

Kai freezes in his place. So he and Lay were not seeing things. Sehun was there on that day. Hmm funny how the world makes them see each other again.

“I’m curious. What makes a boy like Sehun jumps into this muddy lifestyle.” Kai grins slyly.

That keeps on going on until one day.. (y/n) is back on track. Kai has his golden opportunity to talk with her and ask her some more about herself. She welcomes him nicely.. without realizing Kai is actually an enemy of Sehun.. the man she starts to grow fond with.

“You’re too young to be here.” Kai puts on his favorite boy mask. I mean he’s a homme fatale. Of course girls will get head over heels for him… and this cute racer in front of him catches his attention since day one.

“That’s what people will always say as their first impression. I’m seventeen. Legal to drive.” She proudly smirks.

Kai chuckles “Let’s make a deal.”

“What deal? I’m on for challenges.” She arrogantly folds her hand on her chest.

It’s been a while since someone dares to challenge and mess up with her.. people all stop challenging her when they know the real color of this cute girl. Plus Kai looks tempting and nice.

“We play fair and square tonight. If you win I’ll let you do what you want.. if I win.. you’ll do what I want you to do.” Kai raises his brow.

“Does that means you’re ready to be my personal butler? I really need one right now and you look perfect!” She puts on her cat eyes. Kai definitely curses in his heart when he melts at those eyes.

He sighs. Of course her bets will be something silly like this.. she’s seventeen after all. What do you expect Kai.

He sighs “Okay. And if I win.. you’ll do what I want. I’ll think about it later.”

“Don’t bother thinking. You’ll be my butler! For a whole month! Be prepared Kai.” She playfully pinches his cheek and walks away to Sehun. Kai’s eyes follow her and he smiles in secret when he sees Sehun.

Old friend he missed. Is there any way to annoy him again? Maybe by winning the race and force her to be his girl? Or just by losing and being her personal butler. That means Kai will have more time with her than Sehun did right? And with his skills he can make sure Sehun knows about it and gets jealous.

Kai laughs hysterically to himself and make his way to his team. He told them to bet low on him, tonight he has a plan. The whole team just follow his words. They know Kai is probably up for a silly business deals he made for fun.

The race starts, after a secret goodluck kiss from Sehun, (y/n) sits on her bike and glances at Kai. She growls her engine and winks when the MC queue the count down. The number hits one and they all push their gas to the limit.

Tonight marks the first return of the Ace Queen (y/n) and she lives to her name. The money tonight is a huge amount, people are excited seeing Kai and (y/n) in the race together once again.. the fact that she wins brings her over the moon, not because of the money, but the silly deal she made with Kai.

She quickly slips away when no one is watching and Kai sees her move, so he swiftly make his way too. The two meet again on the same quiet spot they talked earlier.

“Congratulations Ace! You really played nice today. I’m sad yet honored to lose before you.” Kai jokingly gets down on one of his knee and looks deep into her eyes.

She blushes from the intense stare. Kai is really attractive and cool. Different from Sehun who makes her feel comfortable, she feels a burning desire in her heart and turning stomach whenever Kai throws her that smoldering look.

“Okay Kai! You’re officially my butler for one month! Give me your number.”

“Eager are we? Smooth way to get my number.” Kai winks.

“Not that! I need your number to call you if I need anything.” Kai inputs his number to her phone and place it under the name Kai, “Perfect! Now get ready to answer my calls in random times. We should meet to make more agreements. I don’t want my butler to be lazy and a handful.”

Kai begins to regret his choice. If she’s only bossing over him, where’s the fun? But he’ll see how this go.

“Alright Kai oppa.. see you!” she waves her hand and jogs to her team.

Kai happily descends to his friends and acts like nothing happens.

(y/n) keeps the deal in secret. The whole world knows if Jaehyun heard this, he won’t allow his sister to have a butler like Kai. Come on people like Jaehyun knows how dangerous Kai and his populations are. So she keeps it low to herself.

(y/n) POV

I return to my small apartment alone. My friends live in another floor, but I have a small studio for myself. Maybe because I enjoy living alone with my mess. Oh yeah Jaehyun has been lecturing me about cleaning my room, but I’m a busy girl. I have no time to clean my mess. Morning until noon I study at school, then I have a lesson date with Sehun (since he treated me every time.. I cannot turn the offer down.. it’s a good way to save money) then at night I have to study for my tests and do my works just to make it in time to race the night and earn my money. Then I will go home, smoke a bit, and sleep my 6 hours sleep and wake up and repeat the cycle. Except some days I don’t race.

So having Kai as my butler.. means a free house cleaner, chef, and laundry man.

I welcome him on a peaceful Monday night. He shows up by 7 and we agree on our rules.

“No feelings attached… no complaining… no sleeping in my room… and no inappropriate acts.”

He easily agrees and I told him he will have to help me for my cleaning, laundry, and maybe cooking. But turns out he can’t cook, so I have to cook by myself to avoid food poisoning.

“(Y/n) I swear.. your room is super unlike you. How can a cute girl like you live in this dirty room?!” Kai is shocked when he needs to start cleaning.

I shrug my shoulder as I pick one stick of cigarette and lights it up “I’m busy.. and I have not enough time to clean up.”

Kai stops his activity of vacuuming when he sees me blows a smoke “You.. you even smoke!”

I Roll my eyes “Like you yourself don’t… come on Kai.. you’re not my boyfriend or my father.. don’t lecture me.”

“I mean.. I did not expect anything like this coming from you..” He continues vacuuming.

I grin “Nice. That means you will not try to win my heart. A good sign.. I can sleep peacefully without worrying you will take the chance to fuck me.”

Kai smirks “Be careful.. I never said I don’t like girls like that.. besides these things might have turned me on.”

I Hit his back “Cut it off. There’s more to do.”

After vacuuming the floors, he cleans up the cigarette buds while wondering “Do you really finish this much? It’s like two box worth of buds..”

“No.. my brother and his friends sometimes come here.. they smoke too.. plus my friends.. everyone leaves their buds here.. so don’t think I’m that maniac. I have to live a week with this one box.. my money is limited to number of races I won remember?”

Kai seems to get it now.. that I am living half independently. My parents are still funding my tuition fees and apartment rental costs, but for my exclusives I have to earn my own money.

“Why don’t you share a room with your brother? I heard he’s a tidy guy.” Kai actually knows Jaehyun and the others: they were once on the same dance group, but Kai left to focus on his racing more.

“Seriously.. they share a house for 4 people. I have no more space. And I am not living with those loud boys. I mean I also can’t live peacefully seeing Taeyong’s handsome face.. Yuta’s smile and Johnny’s attention. I’ll fail all my tests and make it awkward. “

Kai laughs at my tacky remarks. But deep inside his heart, Kai finds this small girl interesting and challenging.

They talk more and laugh about many different things. She told Kai that for the laundry, she has separated the piles of the private ones and the ones he can clean. She told him which basket he has to take for laundry, the soap and softener she likes, and Kai notes how adorable she is when she gets happy over small things : like the smell of her softener.

“Which floor is it again?”

“Fifth floor. Now go. I’ll cook us some ramyeon. I’m sure you’re hungry.. besides you did quite well.”

Kai finds her unique and adorable rather than annoying. He sees her as the living proof of younger sister he had always imagined. Cute but at the same time sassy and playful.

After an hour, he returns with a pile of clean and fresh laundry. She also finishes cooking the meal and welcomes Kai to sit across her.

“Thanks! I thought you’ll let me eat on the floor.”

she laughs “Aigo.. I’m not that mean. Let’s eat.”

They dig in and afterwards the clock shows it’s already 9.30. Kai knows the rule, he got to go home. That’s the manners. She offers him a cigarette and he accepts it. With that one lighted bar, Kai goes home with a warm heart and big smile.

ON the other hand, (y/n) is busy replying the texts Sehun sent but she did not reply before.

Chapter 4

#sehun x you #sehun x reader #sehun imagine #tempo #yuta #jaehyun #johnny #kai #taeyong #jaehyun x reader #taeyong x reader #nct fanfic #nct imagines #exo imagines #exo fanfic #nct fanfiction #nct imagine masterlist #nct #exo

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cultml · 4 years ago

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Breaking of Now

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"

That’s what I should have said to my sister when she asked genuinely what my problem with wearing a mask was. On this occasion I had gotten trapped and was pretty pissed about the whole situation. The week before one of the big retailer announced a mandate masks. Virtue signalling group think as far as I was concerned and assumed, wrongly that if i bought a little more I would have time to finally workaround them. The day the mandate took effect and the day i talked to her, I stopped by one of the more expensive less convenient workaround places to find a mask mandate. An couple hours latter i find out my main grocery store and the others options where going to mandate as well. Online is feeding a different beast and sending someone in my place is out sourcing my acquiescence. Trapped. In the end I just told her no one knows what they are doing (the failure to still count the deaths correctly), it's ridiculous (contradictory studies and disparate rules), that i suddenly didn't have a choice and it was going to take me a few days to adjust.

What was really going through my head was about USSR. “ It wasn’t the just the necessary lies it was the absurd little pointless ones that broke the spirit of the people” to paraphrase badly from a place I don’t remember. That is clearer statement of Voltaire and a simple explanation of why we shouldn’t lie. It’s not the childish notion that we should not because the truth is easier. Most see mask wearing a virtuous, for me it’s an affirmation of a lie, of several, of the ones closer to the roots. It’s not a herculean feat to see for me it’s just stupid hard wired reflexive contrarian angst , not hell no so much as why the hell . It leads you to question anti-vax, reduced fat, publish or die, replication crisis, Russell conjugation, virtues signalling, Overton window, attacks on moral relativism destroying gradation of sin and virtue, cognitive biases , government building as nation building, gas lighting, the church defending itself and the existence of God but not the moral order(not that it knew the difference), the irreconcilability of socialist thought and Jihadists with the west, big government as government playing god, half the people are dumper than the other, death of the common, the long list of what’s called the regressive left we focus so much on (more of a symptom than a cause),cultural relativism, common human behavior dressing up common human behavior as conspiracy, fragility of high civilization, economics standing in for moral order, monogamy, “perfect as your are” drowning the phoenix, nuclear family, woke rewrites hiding more subtle rewrites of western mythos, the prison of two ideas, deep silos of knowledge standing in for wider wisdom, and....

At some point you find yourself outside and not in some sort of edgy artsy way, not quite smart enough to figure out why no one else is there. I am sliding back into the hope I have gone insane. You deal with the whirling nightmare as little as possible, you don’t call it out at every turn, you don’t cheer it on, you don’t help it, and YOU DO NOT FUCKING LIE ABOUT IT.

So sitting in the parking lot,deciding if one of the innocent creatures that lives with me, approaching month four of the six the vet said she had left, gets the food she prefers at the moment... She had other food that was better for her anyway.., not that it matters now. I have a duty of care especially now. She won’t understand the problem or the cost to my honor, for lack of a better word. She will just miss the thing she is used to. In reality avoiding the mask is likely impracticality anyway. On the verge of throwing up, crying, punching the dashboard or screaming fuck over an over... a car pulls into the spot across from me and a woman starts unpacking a kid out or the back seat... none of the above. A few deep breaths and fuck it, the easy way it is. Never thought about actually punching a stranger or really anyone but the assigned finger wager at the door.... “I am a virtuous little citizen and those who know better know better” and not “we aren’t all writhing around in the liquefying corps of a great civilization” On queue they where still out of or ran out of again of the food I was after.

I didn’t feel anything brake that day. Thinking about it since something is missing. Maybe things are just numb and will come back in time. As of now thinking about what may have to be done in defense of a civilization worth defending against those that can not be reconciled with it, elicits little. The little emotional triggers that made question if I could if i had to, are gone.... I am pretty weak willed and was happy to stand on the side lines. Muse at what might untangle this mess. I am not a hard man by any imagining, but you made me lie exactly in the way that end civilizations. Not that mask work. Not that I was virtuous for doing so. Not that “we are all in this together”. Not that those in charge know. Not that anyone is in charge. Not that some version of normal coming. Not that this version of the west isn’t dead. It’s the lie that there isn’t a massive upheaval coming.

The mass of rubble , ideological and real that will have to be cleared. Unfortunately a fair amount of blood that is likely to be spilled. Driving now the phrase “ the ugliness of modern architecture” rings in my ears. Affordable little canvases of our own that last only a life time is not the worst thing, but churches in strip malls? Regardless if this is just contrivance of my head or not I have been pushed a few degrees off of where i was. For now, a reprieve as there is still the innocence creatures in my care. It sadly is not open ended.

This kinda of thing might not have pushed as hard as it did if the ground wasn’t already soft. Before all that a few thing had pushed me to wrap up what i was thinking and walk from my online musings. So. Brit Hume has been one of the perennial “ this is the most important election of our lives... til the next one” He and Thomas Sowell, calling it a point of no return have both come to the conclusion that it actually is. If Biden wins the next election wouldn't matter and any other road blocks would be gone.

Charlie Hurt calling it a make it stop election and latter Victor David Hanson questioning if a silent major exists leads one to believe that reason may have been locked out. That this is a who ever can convince enough people they can save them election. It really fell like the argument don’t matter at all. My suspicion is that if you had really solid polling and knew the outcome of a handful of thing you could easily predict this election now, nothing the candidate did would mean anything. I have kind of gotten used to the idea that thing are going to get well... bloody when the left takes power and finally nails the door shut behind its self.

I was under the illusion that there are a number people that “know” where that leads and would as a last resort raise the black flag. Someone “on the inter webs” I thought was one (for no good reason on my part) when asked opted for the benedictine option. “The monasteries survived”. The monasteries where not an existential threat to the king. Little literacy. little printing and no internet. The parallels to the Maoist and the jihadists to our current insurgents? rebels? look pretty clear. What makes anyone thing they going to be left alone by this “madness”. I got very worried. Those you think might keep Trump in power surrender to the mob.... and those who would fight might decide to hide..... A number of things start looking pretty frivolous.

Author Brooks among a legion of others, well meaning I am sure, prescribe kindness and reason and be patient. I short you don’t hug the guy with the suicide vest.... clear? For the jihadists anything said buy outsiders is meaningless, faith isn’t easily to question on the best of days. For the utopians, you can’t understands till it finally works and usually the censors and secret police help. To our little friends if your the oppressor you have no room to speak even if you think you understand how evil you are or your so oppressed that your don’t know what your taking about. It all insulated ideology, and all of it gets people killed. They haven't officially taken power so i guess you could try it one a time, cult deprogramming. However the cult isn’t living in the middle of nowhere, we are all living in it.

Jordan Peterson comes at it from a reasoned position focused more on the broader problems of the West. “Orientate your self properly,aye”. You raise yourself up and it raises those around you. Don’t think saving the West was at the top of his list when it all started Again a one at a time, bottom up approach. At the time I was sure it was far to slow and he never seemed to have a handle on American politics though he knows how badly societies can go wrong. He and many other I don’t think quite understood how bad intentioned the left really was, or how much the compromises made with them where always seeding ground. It seems like a great many people are still living there.

The other problem is the lack of a common. “if there is no common understanding there is no common sense” Mark Steyn if memory serves. My past understanding of the malignant “God is dead” quote was just that and it was a good thing. In part from Peterson, my understanding now is “the common belief in a common God / moral order is dead”. A strong civil society might be able to hold things together and let people do generally what they want....... as long as the reap the consequences of their choices. The problem comes when all choices become valid because there are no consequence . A strong moral order would have put the brakes on.

This is the general problem with the various libertarian imaginings. Over time it will always be a problem. Any significantly democratic organization will trend left or as to hear the left tell it “the long arch of history tend toward justice”... social justice.... popular judgement..... mob rule. Entropy. We all want to be nice and liked so we let the margins slide, leave a little wiggle room in the rules. Eventually it ticks over. Instead of allowing it’s restricting. I doesn’t matter now whatever the case. There is no way now to go any where near letting people reap their own consequences, what would the bureaucrats do with themselves.

So come at it from the other side? The moment the Enlightenment or the industrial revolution started the church was in existential peril. The less the average person need God to explain their day to day the less the ethereal wonder holds. The explosion of knowledge even if they didn’t understand all of it, become a surer path. Defense of the moral order was what was called for. The church defended itself and eventually the existence of God. I would like one of these fill in the blank “nationalist”, common good conservatives, new theocrat types explain to me how governmental policy is going to fix it? They seem to see it as a problem caused by the left. The left is just taking advantage. If it wasn’t them now it would be something else in a generation or four. Not only are they misidentifying the problem their solution is making it harder to solve. Setting government policy to favor what worked is not a guarantee it works going forward. There are plenty of good studies and sound arguments and some policies may work well. The problem, it introduces rigidity. It will help stave off the known worse, meanwhile staving off the unknown both for the worse and for the better. It slows the development of better.

There is this notion that the “left and the “right” should just get a divorce. The “left” will never be satisfied with that. There is as well the notion that we are to diverse to coexist. This is another result of the lack of a common. If a civilization or a country in this case, are bound together even loosely by a civil order an a moral order diversity isn’t a fatal issue. To say it isn’t possible is to reject the American experiment out right.

Those who have accepted a civil war is inevitable talk as if the fight will be to restore something? The war is between who? One side is usually the government. Not sure what is gained by pickling fight with Antifa et al.

I had thought after Ferguson leadership would have leaned it’s lesson. APCs for riot control, yes. For no knock warrant, not so much. It’s become abundantly clear I assume far to many things. We went from throw a water bottle at a cop, jail and the protest is over to everything is acceptable up until your try to burn people alive in a public building. As far as I am concerned those mayors and governors who allow this signed there own resignation letters.

It is has become clear Trump or likely any president can’t fix this. Trump specifically doesn’t have the tack to talk us off this ledge. Suspend the campaign for a week and talk about the consequences, the nature of and solution for the problem.... and never mention himself? I don’t know that and president would have the resources to declare an insurrection, deploy enough federal agents and national guard (assuming the governors allow it) and hold on til the local government went back to arresting the first bottle thrower. I doesn’t look like the decades long hold the “left” has had on these city is going to be broken by this, so no major change in policy that will stop this short term is coming. Those who decide to leave are likely to bring the same ideas that lead to the policies that lead to the chaos where ever they go. It’s not going to stay contained.

It sounded like there where the start of some defensive militia and there are always community deescalation groups. This is driven by policy fuel by ideology that can not be question (though they used to act as if it could). All solutions look to be outside our normal acceptable practice. Comment by Mark Steyn about Islam are instructive. Surrender, destroy, or reform. As with Islam this is a self fulfilling ideology. So? a form of colonization inside our country, an insurrection? Remove the mayors, city counsel and the prosecutors, none of which are doing their jobs. If the rule is that the feds don’t declare insurrections, and it is not declared as such then it is not. What about the governors? Then what..? What policies changes the culture? What are the markers for holding the next election? It is outside our norm, not so much for history in general.

If Trump wins whatever the left does including secession will be responded to by the federal government, our little city experiment aside. That at best will just reimpose the status quo. It is very unlikely to force the “left” ideology into retreat. If Biden gets elected? Play the city experiment out writ large . The constitution almost by definition can’t survive. So... just reprint the thing and put a new start date on it? What does that solve? Maybe I am not digging in the parts of the internet where these this are being hashed out. If they are I not sure it’s by the type of people I want running things.

A list of systemic grievances going into all this would be useful both as a guild for what comes after and as set of red lines. I am sure most libertarians could give you a library full of outrages. It is not the day to day bureaucratic nonsense that’s the problem or police outrages. It’s things like deferential impact, judicial realism, popular election of senators, and the supposed precondition in which regulation is allowed just to start. The last line may be when the left has easily won two or three elections in a row while everyone is being forced to do things they don’t want and never hear a word in the press about it. It may be to late by then. I believed that would be the result if Hilary got elected and it looks to be a certainty if Biden gets in.

Whatever the case maybe the violence has started and to what degree it escalate who knows. The idea that violence is never the answer was always a myth, one we are coming face to face with now. The fact is violence on very rare occasions is the only answer unless you are prepared to surrender everything, to live on your knees in agony. That is why the idea that the constitution is not a suicide pact never made any sense. We seeing it now to with the virus. “we must sacrifice everything even if it save one life”. What childishness. If you won’t die or worse live in pain for your principles they only hold until someone or thing threatens you with just that. If others know it your principles don’t mean much. Further more at societal level if leadership isn’t prepared to risk the live of civilian to protect those principles they aren’t going to last long either

All that in the end still solves nothing. You have beaten back the enemy for what? If violence comes or not we have to have something to go to, to strive for as a civilization. We are a fractured mess of half thoughts and endless “problems” to solve. We have no common understanding of what the moral order or any order is or should be. As is we are done.

“We are very unlikely to come up with entirely new definition or invention. We are very unlikely to invent new Gods, very unlikely to come up with new religion, ...very unlikely to be able to go anything this good again.” Douglas Murray.

A similar sentiment two plus years ago sent me in this direction.

“ Where the road we’re traveling takes us. Where do the above events and that one trend leave us? Not in a good place. Unless there’s a black swan somewhere down the line, we are heading inevitably towards a socialist America. “ “ I’m praying for a Black Swan. My prayers aren’t usually answered, though. That’s why I’m assuming that the American future will be totalitarian — either Marxist or Islamic — and that it might happen within my lifetime and will definitely happen within my children’s. “ - Bookworm

So what we are looking for is a Black swan, a new god, a new religion. In an ocean of ignorance with an occasional mist of wisdom let me see if I can puzzle this out a bit. First there is no puppet master just us. Though they took full advantage ,even the “left” isn’t the problem. We began to gain knowledge abundantly, with certainty if not ease. It distracted, if not overwhelmed the the ethereal of the church and rendered the judgement of the wise mute. So what do we need? We need to temper knowledge. We need not just the facts or the working of the parts we see. We need to pursue the truth, not exactly the truth. Not the truth of the tangible world or that of the ethereal. It is the truth of the moment. Our best understanding of the working of the two combined. And an understanding that some day it will change. And that is what we should pursue. The honest truth of what we know and a drive to find more. To try, succeed and fail, to find what is actually better. It is an extension of the road humanity was on before this diversion.

How to paint the picture? A discovered / revealed God/ devil/ saint/ mythic hero, a torch bearer along the path humanity has always been traveling. The path of our increasing understanding, the path that raised our civilization. A light that only shines on the path behind us, to illuminate the things we missed and on our figure calling us forward. One who demands that those who obscure the past repent. One who demands that those who misrepresent the path their on to get others to follow repent. One that asks us to forgive those who do and use the shape of their misdeeds to search for our own misunderstandings and mistakes.

In practice, a secular church that is neither. A voluntary body with neither the force of law or a claim to the moral order. A nondemocratic organization because the long arc of history tending toward social justice. An organization the is trusted to ask better questions. A group of people that will put themselves in the experiments in order and be brutally honest about the results.

So for instance the question about transmission of wisdom from one generation to the next is about how we raise children and that is about family and marriage. What is best? what do we really know? Follow the path all the way back. Romantic marriage is new, so why not practical or arranged marriage? We see the obvious problems with polygamy, with polyamory? Maybe some combination? maybe not one big romantic marriage but three,may be four people, one marriage is practical, one arrange, and one romantic. I have no idea. We can’t just default to the wisdom of religion or assume the recklessness of the “left”. Let Go. If it works or not we are better for knowing. We will have surer footing on the path ahead at least in the understanding of this moment.

If don’t like that formulation good. You build a black swan. If there’s a flock of them maybe one survives. Maybe we avoid generations of brutality. Maybe something of what we have done survives.

All I can do now is try to find a way not to live on my knees before anyone, anything, any ideology or idea. Try. That is all I can do.

Credit to those i stole ideas from that i can no longer remember if they're mine or not. I am going to put away my crayons down, shut my mouth give my mind a rest, deal with only what i must, and hopefully find a way to wonder at the world again.

or try to

#black swan #god gap #reversion is not reformation #CultML

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years ago

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Shanghai Disneyland re-opens

Shanghai Disneyland re-opened today with a suite of post-pandemic measures that are being watched as a bellwether for other public space reopenings. I've spent a lot of time thinking about themeparks and their future, so I find this very interesting.

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/shanghai-disneyland-reopens-intl-hnk/index.html

Shanghai is a weird park to start with. Sure, reopening in China (versus somewhere else) makes sense, given the progress that's been made in containing the pandemic there, and the merging of the invasive surveillance state with public health surveillance.

But of all the Disney parks in the world, Shanghai is the one that relies the least on social cohesion and rule-following. It's basically built on the assumption that everyone who visits will cheat the system.

For example, its queue stanchions are chest-height and solid to the ground to prevent queue-jumping (I have no idea how they square that with fire safety). The entrance turnstiles don't have their own queues (which invites scrumming), instead there's a maze of riot-fencing.

It's one person wide (to prevent queue-barging) and a cast member directs the front to a specific turnstile as it becomes available.

There are limits to how many turkey legs you can buy because people were buying several and walking back down the line, selling them.

When you use a Fastpass, your face is matched to a database at the queue entrance and then once (or twice) more before you board.

It's a contrast with other regional parks (HK, Tokyo), where there's a high degree of trust embodied in the queueing architecture and policies.

Shanghai also has the longest lines I've ever seen at a Disney Park, and several of them are lines for GA shows with no seating, some of them indoors. They have strict limits on the number of Fastpasses they give out and all Fastpasses are gone shortly after the park opens.

So there will definitely be some serious challenges to re-opening. First, there's the queues. Switchback queues are space-efficient and psychologically inviting (compared to a long, snaking queue), and they're compact enough to encase in an air-conditioned building.

They're also impossible to maintain distancing in. It looks like they've modified some switchbacks with bulges that separate people in adjacent turns, but this makes the queues less compact, and still has waiting spots where you'll be too close.

https://www.bbc.com/news/in-pictures-52620179

It's gonna be 31'C tomorrow in Shanghai, and 70% humidity. Pushing queues out of the show buildings and into the direct sun is gonna be brutal.

To make things harder, they're reducing capacity on the rides to create distancing, meaning that queues will move more slowly.

Then there's the technical matter of whether distancing on an attraction is meaningful or just pandemic theater: the research is inconclusive, but being next to someone in a show for 45 mins (or downwind of the HVAC direction) sounds risky.

As does being in someone's slipstream on a fast-moving ride for 5-8 minutes.

They're removing every second restaurant table from service:

https://www.cnn.com/videos/travel/2020/05/11/china-shanghai-disney-reopens-coronavirus-culver-pkg-intl-hnk-vpx.cnn

But again, without knowing about predominant HVAC currents, it's hard to say whether this will do much. We know that sitting a couple tables down(wind) from an infectious person is a risk:

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6915e1.htm?s_cid=mm6915e1_w

Some of the countermeasures feel like theater, such as the multiple temperature scans. It's true that these will catch cheaters who go even if they know they're sick, but the hard problem of coronavirus isn't cheaters, its asymptomatic carriers.

"At least 44% of all infections--and the majority of community-acquired transmissions--occur from people without any symptoms. You can be shedding the virus into the environment for up to 5 days before symptoms begin."

https://www.erinbromage.com/post/the-risks-know-them-avoid-them

Whenever I hear someone talking about temperature checks, I wonder about their calculus. Is it:

* Delivers some benefit, doesn't hurt, why not? * Mostly useless, but makes people feel safe, why not? * My world is full of cheaters who'll selfishly risk others?

I don't see anything wrong with temp checks but I worry that social cohesion is our only way forward (asymptomatic people who know they were exposed but refuse to isolate are a much bigger risk than people with fevers who do so).

I also don't want to trust my safety to anyone who engages in symbolic gestures "to make me feel better" even if they don't make sense. Those people distort our discourse about safety and security and elevate nonsense to the same plane as evidence.

Given Shanghai Disney's emphasis on cheater-prevention, I think the temp scans are about catching cheaters, but if management is assuming that people will cheat, then temp checks won't catch the majority, who'll be asymptomatic.

IOW: if you think large numbers of cheaters will break the rules, then you can't open safely until the rules aren't needed (that is, until a vaccine is on hand).

A red flag for me: it's not clear how Disney will operate profitably under these constraints.

Independent analysts say the break-even point for a themepark under normal conditions is 50% of capacity (probably higher if you're paying additional staff to clean surfaces and manage compliance).

The news reports don't say what the new capacity of Shanghai Disney is, but it looks low. One way to fix this is to raise prices. At Disneyland California, the prices have skyrocketed without a drop in attendance, suggesting attendees are price-insensitive.

(Maybe not so much after their fortunes were destroyed by coronavirus, ofc).

But high prices ARE correlated with more pathological customer behavior, from arriving at rope-drop and staying until closing to "get their money's worth" (no one ever enjoyed a 16h Disney day).

They're also correlated with customers demanding - or cheating - to get a turn on every ride and show (to get their money's worth).

I'm worried that charging more will reduce compliance.

I really wanna go back to Disneyland! I hope this works! But I'm concerned that it's premature and will set things back.

#pluralistic

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dacrethehalls · 5 years ago

Text

Wonder Palace

Billy Hargrove x OC

Summary: Billy gets a summer job as a life guard at a water park in the next town over. He never expects to find a family in the rag tag group of people who work with him. Word Count: 15k+ Warnings: Physical Abuse, Abuse mention, Drug use, language, slight Smut A/N: Off Cannon! Season 3! Billy because baby boy deserves all the love and happiness in the world. This is based on State Champ’s music video for the song Losing Myself. This is my first fic in forever and it has taken me WEEKS to finish it. I’m rusty, so be nice!

Summer in Arbor Pines, Indiana was my absolute favorite time of year. Not only did it mean school was out, it also marked the opening of Reynolds’ Wonder Palace, a seasonal water and mini amusement park on the outskirts of town.

I spent almost every summer since I was 14 working there becoming a somewhat dysfunctional but loving family with the rest of the staff.

My best friends; Geoff, Maggie, Issac and Derrick were among the group of people I worked with along with our pseudo big brother, Tyler Reynolds, or as we called him, Naldo. Who’s family owned the Amusement Park.

Arbor Pines was a smaller town right outside of Hawkins, and Naldo’s Palace, as we all called it was right in the middle of both cities.

I blew my horn at the blue camaro who cut me off at the gas station sticking my middle finger up at the driver as I pulled my jeep into the gas station. I was already running late, but that never stopped me from grabbing the world’s best breakfast burrito from the world’s shittest corner store.

“Is it opening day already Daph?” Francis, the clerk beamed as I sat a cup of coffee and my burrito on the counter. I hummed pulling out a wad of cash from my pocket.

“The best day of the year!” I mused as Francis placed my items in a bag.

“I’m thinking of bringing Sydney and the kids next week. Do you give any friends and family discounts?”

“Of course! I work everyday, I’ll be sure to leave tickets at admissions for you.” I chortled grabbing my things off the counter. I gave a quick wave goodbye as I headed back to my Jeep.

“Daph, have you seen the new life guard?” Maggie asked as I climbed over the pool float rental counter. “His name is Billy, he’s from Hawkins” she continued as I punched my clock in card.

“It’s opening day and you’re already looking at the new meat?” I mused pulling my staff shirt over my head and hoisting myself up on the counter. Maggie’s mouth curved up into a smile, “of course, I’m a planner.”

I let out a snorty laugh swinging my legs a little, kicking the pool floats in front of me, “You think he’s as cute as Robin? I’m really sad that she got a job at Star Court and isn’t here with us.”

I pushed my bottom lip out, dramatically frowning at the thought of not being able to work next to one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen. “Well, he’s blonde and you have a thing for people with light colored hair. He’s a solid ten out of ten.”

I rolled my eyes playfully pushing her.

“... and this is Daphne and Maggie! Ladies, this is Billy Hargrove.” Naldo mused banging on the counter-top to get our attention.

Maggie and I’s head jerked over in the direction the boys were standing. I kicked my legs over to the other side of the counter grinning.

“I’m Daphne.” I chirped offering my hand for Billy to shake.

Maggie wasn’t kidding, the boy was a complete work of art, from his blonde curls that adorned his head to his torso with well defined muscles. My heart instantly fluttered when the two of us made eye contact.

He was beautiful. Until he opened his mouth.

I could tell by the way he deepened his voice, eyeing both Maggie and I with hungry eyes that he was a complete bonehead.

“Daph, you have training duties with Billy today. First rotation will be The Serpent.” Naldo grinned nodding his head towards the giant water slide. “You mind introducing him to the rest of the staff on your way over there?”

I nodded giving a toothy grin. “Of course!”

I hopped off the counter saluting Naldo and Maggie, than looking over at Billy “Let’s go Fabio.” I mused Strolling backwards placing my heart shaped sunglasses on my face.

Billy followed quietly behind me as I introduced him to the rest of the staff.

I knew he wasn’t paying attention to me at all by the occasional “Mmmhm.” and “uh huh.” I got as we made our way to The Serpent. I switched from talking about the park over to mine and my friends latest campaign, to talking about the latest centerfold in playboy, laughing to myself noticing he still wasn’t paying attention to me.

“Daphne!”

I felt arms wrap around me picking me off the ground. “You missed the morning roundup. You know what that means. SUPER SOAK!” Geoff yelled as our friends Issac and Derrick came out of the bathroom spraying me down with their water guns.

“Don’t you losers have anything better to do than hide in the shadows and attack an innocent bystander?”

“Poor Princess Daphne, is in distress with nobody to help her.” Derrick grinned shooting me again. Geoff flipped me over throwing me over his shoulder, carrying me towards my post.

I didn’t even try to protest Geoff carrying me. This was a usual occurrence not only being bullied by my best friends, but also being called Princess Daphne from the video game Dragon’s Lair.

All three boys eyes lit up when the game was released, having more ammo other than Daphne from Scooby Doo to poke fun at my name. Dragon’s Lair give them an inch and they take a mile.

“Well, I wouldn't have been late if an asshole in a blue camaro wouldn't have tailgated me, making me go twenty under the speed limit. I wasn’t going to not stop and Syd’s Gas Station and get a steak and egg burrito.” I chortled.

“You left the neighborhood before any of us and you were still the one that was late.”

I rolled my eyes looking up at the boy behind us. “Billy, these three idiots are Geoff, Issac and Derrick.” I grunted as the other two boys fell back behind Billy, still spraying me with water.

“And if you miss morning roundup, you’ll get sprayed with a water gun.” I huffed as Geoff sat me on my feet on the stairs.

“Our girl Daphne is always late. Don’t be like her!” Issac mused as Billy pushed past us heading up the stairs.

The four of us watched silently before I cleared my throat. “I think Naldo sticking me with him is some form of punishment. I’ve known him for about fifteen minutes,” I gestured my hand up the stairs watching the blonde boy climb up the third flight. “And I already want to fight him.”

The three boys started laughing as the park horns blew indicating the park was now opened.

“Try not to let anyone drown.” I quipped snatching the water gun out of Issac’s hand winking at the boys before heading up to the top of the slide.

Later That Morning

“So you’re from California?” I questioned as I helped a father and his daughter into their tube. “I’ve always wanted to go there, I love the beach.” I added looking over at Billy who wasn’t paying attention to me at all.

I rolled my eyes looking down at the duo in front of me, “You ready kiddo?” I Sang, placing my whistle in my mouth.

She nodded as her father held on to her tightly, “3...2...1..blast off!” I yelled blowing my whistle and stepping aside as the tube started its small plummet to the swirling bowl below.

Billy and I traded places for the next set of people as I continued to make conversation with the boy who was completely uninterested with everything I had to say.

“You’re not very nice” I finally, muttered watching as he pushed a kid in his tube down the slide, I was counting down the moments until our first rotation was over.

“I don’t have to be nice, princess. I’m just here to make money so I can leave this shit stain of a state.” He chided leaning on the railing looking down at me.

“Oh my god, you can talk!” I beamed clapping my hands.

Billy rolled his eyes as he helped another kid into a float pushing him down before he was actually prepared to slide.

“Come on, lighten up Billy. We don’t have to be friends, but I can promise you work will be a lot more bearable if you drop the bad boy facade” I stepped down the little ledge switching place with Billy again, ignoring the kid getting into the tube behind me.

“How about you stop acting like you know me, prin-”

“Call me Princess again and you’ll be the next one to go down this slide” I warned, cutting him as the kids snickered behind us.

“I’d listen to her, dude. I pretended I was drowning so she would give me CPR last year and sh-” I grunted snatching the float from under the boy kicking him down the slide. “I can still taste the peanut butter sandwich he had for lunch.” I complained, as the last of the queue took their place on our slides.

“You’re not very nice” He mocked suppressing a laugh, turning from me so I couldn't see him smile. I felt a warmth grow in my chest, watching the boy in front of me. I contorted my face in disgust at the feeling that smile gave me.

“Believe me, he deserved that.” I grinned watching as Billy relaxed his posture a little. “I have to admit, you may have won me over a little with that one”

“I’m a very likable person.” I chortled as he smirked stepping closer to me. “And you’re really pretty too”

I stepped back feeling the blood rush to my cheeks while looking at Billy like he was a complete nut Job.

“I have watched you flirt with every single girl who has crossed your path today. It’s not going to work on me.” I stammered.

“I like it when I have to work for a girl.” He smiled devilishly making me feel even more flustered.

If it wasn't for us being on the clock and a bunch of children surrounding us, I would have totally let him take me right then and there. But I had enough self control to know how bad of a decision that would have been.

Never get your honey where you get your money. I repeated the words my mother told me on my very first day of working here to myself as I tried my best not to seem completely flustered.

I cleared my throat as Isaac and Geoff approached us.

“You two can go on break now, and then you have lazy river duties.” Issac Hummed looking between Billy and I, giving me a look that I prayed only Derrick noticed.

“Oh thank god!” I praised shoving my rescue float at Isaac. I looked over Billy, smiling at him, pretending that the last five minutes didn’t happen.

“Let’s go, Fabio. We might as well stick together if we have the same duties for the next rotation.”

“Not a chance Princess.” He smirked as one of the many girls who flirted with him this morning shuffled up to us once we made it down the steps. “I have lunch plans already.” He eyed the girl, Victoria, hungrily.

What a pig.

I scrunched my nose, looking up at him. “Have fun with that.” I muttered as he took her hand, pulling her to the direction of the employee entrance.

I turned on my heel making my way back towards the rental booth, where Maggie was still stationed.

“How was first rotation?” Maggie questioned as I climbed over the counter and grabbing my lunch box from the cubby beneath it.

“Billy is a complete bonehead.”

I hoisted myself up on the counter, crossing my legs under one another and putting my lunchbox in my lap.

“He’ll fit in perfectly with the boys then.” She chuckled making me grimace at the thought of Billy being part of our group.

“Mags, he would one hundred percent make fun of us for playing D and D.”

“But I bet you he’s never played Drunk Dungeon and Dragons before.” she grinned.

I chuckled taking a bite out of my ham sandwich.

“Where is Judd Nelson at any way?”

“Eating lunch with Victoria Andrews.” I snorted using finger quotes around Eating Lunch

Maggie’s face contorted up in disgust. “He went off with Hickey Vicky?”

“I asked if he wanted to eat with me but he told me he isn’t here to make friends, so I see it as a lost cause.” I spoke, cringing at how bitter that sounded after I had said it.

Maggie let out an excited gasp, slamming her hands down on the counter on either side of me. “You’re crushing on him aren't you!?” She mused leaning in and taking a bite from my sandwich.

“No! I am not. I called him a bonehead for a reason.” I sputtered, eyes growing wide knowing that Maggie, the girl I had known since I was seven years old could see right through my bullshit.

She smirked at me crossing her arms. “Getting small flutters in my stomach is not a crush Margaret.” I jeered saying her full name.

“It totally is,” she retorted. “And you’re blushing!”

I sat my sandwich on my knees as I touched my cheeks with both hands. “He’s just flirty and was trying to pull a move on me and then he went off with Victoria.”

I avoided Maggie's gaze turning my focus on the rest of my lunch.

I made towards my new station, stopping and saying hello to some of the park’s regular customers. The lazy river was probably the most boring part of the water park.

It consisted mostly of the parents who brought their kids to the park and let them run loose, along with the occasional shithead kids who got joy out of taunting the life guards with water guns.

I started gathering the floats that people had left at the end of the lazy river, putting them back into the bin they belonged in.

“Hey, princess.”

I turned looking over at Billy disapprovingly. “How was lunch?” He questioned as I grabbed another float tossing it into the bin.

“I ate a ham sandwich, an apple and some chocolate pudding. And I sat at the rental booth with Maggie. How was your lunch?”

A smile spread across his face as he placed his whistle in his mouth, “It was great.”

“Just so you know, Hickey-” I closed my eyes suppressing my laugh at the nickname we all dubbed the poor girl when we were all twelve years old. “-I mean Vicky is a little on the loony side...and is probably already planning your wedding.”

Billy grimaced, as he helped me clear the rest of the floats out.

“You couldn’t have warned me?”

“I didn’t warn Issaac when he hooked up with her and he’s one of my best friends.” I mused, struggling to push the ben. Billy bumped his hip into mine moving me as he started pushing it without ease.

“The lazy river is the most boring but easy duty. Beginning of rotation we clear out the tubes from the gathering pool and same with the end. And then we just sit thirty feet apart and hope nobody will drown”

Billy hummed as we walked together to the start of the lazy river.

“So, I was an asshole this morning, and I wanted to apologize for that” Billy uttered. “I just need money and I don’t need any attachments.”

I raised my eyebrow looking over at him. “Flirting with me this morning and hooking up with a girl on lunch break isn't an attachment?” I questioned

Billy nodded his head pushing his lower lip out. “Touche.”

“I’m just saying, if you’re going to have vehicular sex on break, you might as well at least try to be friends with some of the staff. It doesn't even have to be me,”

I brought my whistle up to my mouth blowing into it and looking over at two kids who were running.

“Do you dweebs not know how to read?!” I yelled pointing to the NO RUNNING sign that was posted on almost every pole around the water park.

“Sorry, Miss Daphne!” One of them yelled as both boys slowed their gait.

I turned back looking at Billy with a smile, “Derek, Issac, Maggie, and Geoff are my best friends, so if you’re friends with one of us, your friends with all of us.”

He chuckled to himself quietly. “I figured that much. And what about Tyler?”

“You mean Naldo? He’s like the mom in the group. He’s five years older than all of us. He makes sure we don’t ever get ourselves killed. Or kill each other.”

Billy nodded. “My little sister has a friend like that. I think it’s weird but you know, it’s whatever.”

I shrugged. “He’s probably like a role model to her. My dad is an ass and I’m an only child, so having Naldo to go when I had problems was great.”

Billy nodded in agreement, “Kinda wish I had someone like that.” he muttered. “I mean, as long as you work here, you’ll have Naldo. Everyone needs a Naldo in their life.”

“I mean, I guess you’re right.” He shrugged as we stopped in front of the steps to the lazy river.

“I know I am.” I grinned earning a laugh from Billy.

We unloaded all the floats we gathered, Billy mostly telling me about himself, where he was from and how he was working as much as he could to go back.

Second rotation seemed to drag on after Billy and I went to our separate. I was dreaming of a cold shower after sitting out in the sweltering afternoon heat.

I signed slumping down in my chair kicking my legs over the railing. Discreetly looking over at Billy and laughing at how un interested he was in the conversation that Victoria was trying to have with him.

I turned my attention back to the water watching as a few people floated by me.

Suddenly feeling cold water being poured over my head, I gasped, turning to see who the culprit was seeing two middle school age boys laughing at me.

I jumped off my chair hitting one of them in the back of the head with my rescue float.

“YOU LITTLE SHITS ARE GOING TO WISH YOU HADN'T DONE THAT!” I fumed running after them and tackling them to the ground behind Billy’s lifeguard chair.

I sat on both boys hitting them both in the head with my life raft. “You twerps ever do that again you will be banned for life from this entire park!” I screamed hitting them again.

“Hey, relax.” Billy spoke lifting me off the boys, who were starting to cry as I struggled against Billy’s arms that was locked around my waist.

“That’s right, you cry for your mommy you shit stains!” I yelled kicking my legs at them as Billy carried me away from the two boys. “Uh,” he mumbled quietly as he set me down on my feet.

“Although that was probably the hottest things I have ever seen, but In my experience, trying to bring harm to middle schoolers will only bring harm to yourself.”

“Those two always like to pull shit with me.” I grunted as Naldo ran up to us. “Daphne would you like to tell me why the Erikson boys are crying right now?”

“Yeah, they poured water on me...again I guess hanging them up by their trunks to the light pole last year didn’t teach them anything.” I chided only to have Naldo shake his head angrily at me.

“Daphne, this-”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s my first and last warning.” I rolled my eyes cutting him off before adding “ I’m off lifeguard duties for the season, blah blah blah.” I chided as Naldo shook his head again in disappointment.

“I’m not that mean Daph. But I’m upset, just don’t act out so fast when they mess with you and let me handle it. Promise me you’ll come to me? That’s what the walkie talkies are for.”

I sighed in defeat, “I’m sorry, Naldo. I’ll go apologize to the boys too. And I’ll- uh sanitize the floats and snorkel gear tonight.”

A smile grew across his face, accepting my apology“Toot it and boot it Daph,” Naldo exclaimed holding his hand out. We high fived then bumped our fists together.

“Ok, you two can get back to your posts now.” he spoke, turning on his heal and heading back from where he came from.

“Toot it…..and boot it?” Billy questioned raising an eyebrow.

“He makes everyone do that. So get use to it Hargrove.”

I trudged out the back gate to my car noticing the blue Camaro from this morning parked next to mine, and Billy laying back on top of the hood. “Billy?” I questioned, approaching both vehicles.

He lifted his head looking over at me as I stood beside him.

“What are you still doing here? Everyone is gone.”

“I’m just avoiding going home,” He admitted. “Why?” I questioned throwing my bag in the back of my Jeep then laying next to Billy on top of his car. He grunted in response to me pushing him over a little to make room for myself.

“I just don’t want to go home.”

I could tell by the look on his face that it wasn't a subject I should push. “You want to spend the night at my place?” I offered

Billy looked over at me raising his eyebrows at me, a smirk forming on his lips.

“Uck, You wish, Fabio. I’m just being nice. I have a pullout couch in my room.”

Billy chuckled nervously, “I guess I can take you up on the offer.”

I sat up, sliding off of his car, “Okie dokie then, I’m starving so just follow me home.” I chirped turning around and climbing into my jeep.

“Oh and by the way, You drive like an asshole.”

Billy rolled his eyes as he slid off the hood of his car. “You’re the one that goes twenty under the speed limit.”

“Yeah, well I wouldn't have if you didn’t ride my ass like you were doing.” I chortled as I started my car.

“I’ll see you in a little bit, Fabio.”

It didn't take long for us to arrive at my house, I pulled into my driveway getting out as Billy parked his Camaro behind me

“Your parents will be okay with this?” Billy questioned as we went up the front steps of the house.

“Mom is a nurse over at Hawkins Memorial. She won’t be home until the morning,” I assured stepping into our home. “And besides, she wouldn’t care, she loves all of my friends. Maggie and the boys stay over all the time.”

“What about your dad?” Billy questioned.

“Doesn’t Live here.” I grinned dropping my bag by the door before kicking my shoes off.

“Billy, this Tatoonie my cat. She’s an asshole and will probably either pee on your shoes or sleep on your head tonight.” I giggled as we made our way to my bedroom.

Billy paused backing up looking at a framed photos of me and my mother hung up on the wall.

“Santa Monica Pier.” He whispered looking over at me.

“My mom took me there for my fifth birthday, paid for surfing lessons. We went every year until she left my dad and we couldn't afford it anymore” I frowned looking at the 8 photos of my mom and I standing happily together on the beach.

“You can surf?” Billy questioned looking over at me.

“Yeah, but I’m awful at it, if you were paying attention to what I was saying this morning you would have known that.” I crossed my arms jokingly glaring at him.

“I’ve been saving money so I can go back and visit. It’s been a while and I really miss the ocean.” I added looking back at the pictures and some of the best memories I had with my mother.

“I want to go back also,” Billy spoke softly not taking his eyes off of the center portrait of the Santa Monica Pier.

“Well if you play your cards right, I might let you come with me.” I winked

grabbing Billy’s hand pulling him away from the photos and to my room.

He looked around taking in my room and the various posters and photos that adorned my walls.

“Make yourself at home, I’m going to shower.” I quipped grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from the mound of clean clothes sitting on top of my bed I hadn’t bothered to fold then padding into my bathroom.

I quickly washed the work day off of me, taking the time to shave the areas on my body that needed it, - you know just in case. I stepped out of the shower, pulling a t-shirt over my head and wrapping my hair up in the towel to dry it.

I went back into my room right as Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent filled my room. Billy was sitting in front of my record player, thumbing through my collection of vinyls.

“You have great taste in music.”

I chuckled sitting next to him. “Thank you, there is a record store here in town that has a killer selection.”

He pulled Black Sabbath's Paranoia album out of my collection placing the needle precisely at the beginning of the song Iron Man. I laid back kicking my legs up and resting them on the wall in front of me.

Billy followed my motion laying the opposite way, placing his head next to mine.

“Hey, Princess?”

“Call me that again and you’ll sleep outside with the family of unfriendly gophers that live in my backyard.” I grunted.

He sighed loudly. “Daphne.” He corrected turning his head looking over at me. I hummed in response, closing my eyes, focusing on the music that was humming through the speakers.

“Thanks for letting me stay tonight. Even if we just met.” Billy whispered. I turned my head, smiling at him.

“It’s not a problem. I figured you didn’t want to talk about why you didn’t want to go home so I didn’t press it.”

He didn’t respond, he kept his focus on me. I rolled up on my side propping myself up on my elbow, looking down at him. “But if you ever want to talk, just know I’m here. I’m a good listener.”

Billy looked at me sitting up and pressing his lips to mine I stared wide eyed at him as he placed his hand on the side of my head, his fingers gripping some of my hair. My heart started to flutter after the shock of being kissed wore off.

Billy pulled away looking at me, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He apologized.

I tried my best to hide the shock of being kissed on my face, feeling my cheeks grow incredibly warm.

“I-I mean y-you could have -a-asked. I would've said y-yes, but that’s b-beside the p-point.” I stammered, rolling back on my back and trying to regain my composure. Normally when I was kissed, I didn't get so flustered. I was able to play it cool, but this kiss was different.

I cleared my throat looking back over at Billy who hadn’t taken his eyes off of me. “Can I kiss you again?” Billy questioned softly, any trace of the bad boy facade completely gone. He reached over gently caressing my cheek.

I could have melted into him right then and there without any hesitation. But playing hard to get would be more fun. I wanted to see how flustered I could make him, just like he had just done to me now and earlier on in the day.

“I’m actually really fucking hungry. Come on, Fabio lets raid the kitchen for some grub” I stood up putting my hand out to help Billy up. He took it with a smile, not even needing my counter weight to help him up.

“...so is that a no on the kissing you thing.” Billy questioned stroking my cheek with his hand.

“Yes, that’s a no.” I chuckled lightly grabbing onto his wrist. “Let’s go, lover boy.”

I lead Billy into the kitchen. “Mom and I made meatloaf last night. We have leftovers from that ooooor,” I hummed looking in the freezer, “We have pizza, pot pies ooooor,” I sang again looking in the small cookie jar on our counter we kept our money in for take out. “We can order Chinese.”

I turned facing Billy who was leaning against the counter. “You’re the guest so you can choose” I mused.

“Pizza is fine”

“Done deal.” I grabbed a cheese pizza from the freezer turning on the oven so it would start to preheat.

Turning back to the fridge I grabbed two beers, tossing one over to Billy, who continued to stare at me silently. “What’s your deal, Billy?” I questioned raising an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing- it’s nothing. I just- it’s-” He sputtered popping the can open. I chuckled stepping around the counter and standing by him.

“Now that we have decided on dinner, I suppose that you can kiss me. If you still want-”

Billy pressed his lips against mine cutting me off mid sentence, softly placing his hand on my cheek. I stepped closer to him, standing between his legs as his hand found its way to the back of my head, fingers knotting in my hair has he deepened the kiss.

I had never been kissed like this before, it almost felt like time came to a complete stop as our lips moved against each other. It wasn’t until the oven’s timer went off alerting us that the pizza was finished cooking that I had noticed it’d been a whole half hour that we stood in my kitchen making out.

I cleared my throat stepping back, “The Pizza is ready.”

Billy let out a small throaty laugh -- trying to hide the fact that he was just as flustered as I was. “I didn’t really peg you as that good of a kisser.” He mused earning an eye roll from me.

“Better than Hickey Vicky?” I joked winking at him as I sauntered over to the oven grabbing oven mitts and pulling the pizza out and sitting it on the stove.

Once it was cooled, I brought the tray over to the counter Billy was at sitting it on the bar and finding a place next to him.

“I would say you’re definitely in the top five.”

I contorted my face in disgust.

“I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”

Billy hummed in response looking over at me, he opened his mouth then promptly shutting it opting to shove a slice of pizza in his mouth than telling me what he was thinking.

We sat in comfortable silence eating our dinner.

“I need to wash my uniforms, if you want to give me yours too I toss them in with my dirty laundry.” I spoke, finally breaking the silence. Billy got up and made his way back to my room emerging with soiled clothes and handing them over to me.

I threw Billy and I’s dirty uniforms in the washer pressing start before walking back out to the kitchen, smiling at him as I watched him clean up the small mess we made from dinner.

“Ok, uniforms are in the wash, Mom will probably put them in the dryer when she gets home, So I’m going to pass out.” I nodded my head towards where my room was.

“Uh, you’re welcome to sleep on the couch out here or in my room. The latter would probably be the best option so my mother doesn't come home from work to a man-child with a mullet asleep in her living room.”

Billy chuckled following me to my room.

“I want to thank you again, Daph, for letting me stay here.”

“Oh, it’s honestly no problem, You’re a bone head, but I enjoy your company.”

Billy plopped down on my couch pulling his shirt off over his head. I grabbed a blanket from the top shelf of my closet, unfolding it and draping it over Billy. He smiled up to me sleepily, “You’re going to steal my heart from me” He muttered as I grabbed a pillow handing it to him.

“I don’t take hearts, I break them.” I joked leaning down and pressing a small kiss on Billy’s cheek then switching off the lights in my room.

Billy let out a soft chuckle, repeating the words I had just spoke to him. I rolled my eyes climbing onto my bed and getting under the covers.

“Goodnight, Princess.”

“Goodnight, Fabio.”

I rested my cheek on my hand watching as all the people in the park passed by the shaved ice stand I was assigned to for my shift.

Most of the customers opted for actual ice cream or frozen lemonades over the shaved ice truck, which didn’t bother me too much, not only was I able to sit in an air conditioned trailer, but my stand was also located close to Billy’s lifeguard post.

We were about a month and a couple weeks into the season. And Billy and I had grown pretty close, especially since he stayed at my house a few times a week.

The boys and Maggie, of course, welcomed him into our group with open arms and he begrudgingly became the Barbarian in our DND party.

The fuzzy feelings I felt in my chest when I was around him and the fact that my mother absolutely adored him didn’t help my situation either.

And that made me feel gross, seeing how he was always flirting with me and all the girls around him. Especially since we spent ninety percent of our lunch breaks making out in the backseat of my Jeep.

It was gross.

He was gross.

“Are you crushing on Billy?”

I rolled my eyes turning my attention to Naldo, who was leaning on the counter behind me, with a huge shit eating grin plastered across his face. “No, Tyler I’m not crushing on Billy!” I growled.

“Then where did that come from?” He questioned poking at the red mark on my neck.

“I got bit by a spider,” I lied.

Naldo pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head. “I know when you’re lying Daphne Louise.”

I grimaced at the use of my full name. Naldo undoubtedly making a dig at me for calling him Tyler moments before.

“Hypothetically speaking, if I were to be crushing on Billy. And he left Hickeys on my neck even when I have repeatedly asked him over and over not to would you be angry with me?”

Naldo let out a guttural high pitched laugh startling the people who were walking by. I was almost certain Billy had heard him also, I nodded at the startled customers then looking across the way at Billy who lifted his arm up in a what the fuck kind of way. I gave him a shrug before turning back to Naldo.

“What the fuck was that!?” I hissed as Naldo failed to regain his composure.

“I knew it!” He exclaimed, “You’ve been a lot nicer than usual.. And,” He grabbed my leg making me lose my balance falling into the counter. “You’ve been shaving your legs.”

“You’re such a weirdo.” I fumed as he dropped my leg.

“Happiness looks so good on you, Kid.” he chortled

I smiled to myself eyeing Billy has he waved sheepishly at me. I waved back at him. Not turning back to Naldo, who started singing Billy and Daphne sittin’ in a tree.

I finally turned to him, sighing. “Yes, I like him. Will that make you shut up?”

Naldo looked at me, smugly. “Like I said, Happiness looks good on you. But how about you two eat lunch with all of us today instead of eating lunch in your jeep.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “Okay, Naldo.”

I held my fist out to him as he we did our not so secret toot it and boot it hand shake.

“I’m serious, I better see you in the food court!” He chirped as he stepped out of the shaved ice stand. I gave him a small salute before he turned and skipped away.

Our first shift felt like it lasted forever and I was hungry for some actual food instead of the ice I had been grazing on all morning. The person who came to relieve me was late, per usual, so I was late meeting up with him for our daily lunch break.

“There’s a party everyone is going to tonight Billy, are you going?” I overheard as I made my way up to Billy and the girls that had flocked around him.

“Please, and hang around the losers that work here?” Billy quipped once I was standing behind him.

“You work here too, Hargrove, so that makes you a loser by association.” I chimed in, poking him in the back.

Billy rolled his eyes before pushing his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose and turning back to the girls.

“Have a good lunch break, Jackass.” I quipped grabbing the cigarette from behind his ear and placing it between my lips heading towards the burger post.

I wasn’t even half way there before Billy caught up to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“You know I was just kidding right? About you and the others being losers?” Billy spoke, quickly obviously hiding the anxiety that he actually pissed me off in his voice.

“Sure you were, Fabio” I smirked as we reached the doors to small cafeteria. He dropped his arm that was draped around my shoulder to open the door for me.

“I’m serious Daph.”

I rolled my eyes rising up on my toes pressing my lips to his cheek. “Billy, I’m just fucking with you. Don’t you worry that pretty little face of yours.”

Billy ducked down quickly kissing my nose. I beamed up at him grabbing his hand as we shuffled into the building.

“There’s a party tonight Billy, are you going? You can crash at my place after.” Issac offered leaning back in his chair.

“Please, Issac, Billy is way too cool to be seen at an Arbor Pines party. Apparently we’re all a bunch of losers.” I quipped looking over at Billy hinting at the conversation he had had earlier with some of the girls that crowded around him at the pool during shift change.

Billy's lips twitched up as he dug his fork into his potato salad. It was small and quick and I was almost certain that I was the only one who saw it.

“We weren’t a bunch of losers when we kicked Hawkins High’s basketball team at nationals.” Geoff smirked.

“And you made that Tommy kid cry.” I chortled taking a bite of my hamburger.

This time Billy didn’t suppress his laugh, it bellowed out of him as he threw his head back, eyes watering. “You were the one that made Tommy cry?” Billy asked between laughs trying to catch his breath.

“Jesus, Hargrove, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I insisted, flinging a french fry at him.

“Tommy H cries all the time.” Billy sputtered causing all of us to start laughing along with him.

I felt the warmth creep across my chest again, watching as Billy was generally getting along with our little group. His asshole behavior and blunt attitude fit in perfectly with the rest of our personalities.

“When we were little, all of us were on a soccer team together, and he cried because he got beat by a team with girls on it.” I sat back rolling my eyes.

“Back to the party, you in Hargrove? We’ll have a few kegs, different kinds of alcohol and some special baked goods. You can’t say no, It’s your girlfriend’s birthday party.” Issac coaxed, winking at Billy.

Without a beat, Billy turned to me, eyebrows raised. “It’s your birthday?” Ignoring the fact that Issac referred to me as his girlfriend.

The look on his face was a mixture of embarrassment and panic, for either forgetting, not remembering my birthday.

“Relax, Billy, It’s tomorrow, and don’t think I ever told you my birthday.” I chuckled watching as his rigid posture became more relaxed.

He bit down on his lip trying to regain his composure.

“If there is a keg, you can count me in.” Billy grinned.

I wiped my mouth shooting my two middle fingers up at Billy. He stood there staring at me in disbelief after I beat his keg stand time by 30 seconds. I smirked at him blowing a kiss as I placed a cigarette in my mouth.

“It’s okay Fabio, You’re still the keg king in Hawkins” I quipped patting him on the chest.

“That was…..sexy.” He blurted as I passed my cigarette to him. He drew it in tilting his head up blowing the smoke in the air before passing it back to me.

“I almost forgot! I got you something!” Billy grabbed my hand pulling me through the crowd and out to his car.

“Billy, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I giggled as he dug through the back seat of his car. “Well you’re my best friend and the fact that I didn't know your birthday is so bad. So here you go!” He shoved a badly wrapped package into my hands smiling down at me.

My heart fluttered at how excited he was, and how he referred to as his best friend. I tore at the paper chuckling as it revealed a half eaten bag of cherry licorice and a small stuffed animal obviously taken from the carnival games at work.

“I will cherish these for the rest of my life.” I beamed pulling Billy into a hug. He wrapped his arms around me picking me off my feet. “Thank you.” I whispered into his shoulder as he placed me back onto the ground.

“It’s no problem, Princess.”

The night continued on with more and more people showing up for the occasion. We danced, and sang and drank the night away as everyone wished me a happy birthday.

Half way through the party I decided to try and start sobering up so I wouldn't be completely hungover on my actual birthday.

I made myself a home on the front law where it was pretty quiet. I laid back watch the stars before Billy plopped down next to me in the grass.

“Has anyone told you that you’re kinda scary?” He coaxed causing me to laugh.

“How high are you right now?” He shrugged laying back looking up at the sky.

“Only, a little,” he grinned sheepishly at me before continuing.

“You’re one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Your love and compassion for people-even the ones you hate is so genuine. You bring light into people’s lives, Daphne. And that scares me.”

I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging my arms around me in an attempt to keep my heart contained in one place as I looked down at the boy.

“Why would that scare you?” I questioned him as he closed his eyes drawing in his cigarette, than offering it to me.

I took it placing it in my mouth.

“The last person that was a light in my life left me alone in the dark.”

I frowned watching as he was fighting whatever thoughts were crossing his mind. “I lose myself in the best possible way when you’re around,” Billy opened his eyes, looking over at me as he sat up. I bit down on my lip, looking at him.

“I’m in love with you.” Billy spoke leaning in and pressing his lips to mine hungrily, our teeth clicking together as he knotted his fingers in my hair.

“Do you want to go inside?” I muttered on Billy’s lips. He opened his eyes slowly looking down at me through his lashes.

I lead Billy through the house and to the empty guest room, Maggie and I would always use when we stayed the night with Issac. I closed the door behind us, turning the lock then looking up at Billy.

He stepped towards me hooking his fingers into my belt loops pulling my body to his connecting our lips together. He backed me into the door as his fingers found their way to the hem of my of my shirt. He broke our kiss momentarily to pull my shirt over my head.

I rose up on my toes, to kiss him better pushing him backwards until he fell on the bed. I stepped out of my flats as Billy all but threw his boots across the room. I unzipped my shorts letting them fall to the floor as I climbed on the bed and on top of Billy connecting our lips once more.

His hands traced up my spine finding the band of my bra. “It unhooks from the front.” I chuckled

after a small grunt came from him.

“Why would you buy a bra that unhooks from the front?” he groaned has his fingers fumbled to get it unclasped.

“Because it was cute and on sale.” And I also got joy out of watching boys work hard to see my bare chest. I gave Billy a hand throwing my bra to the ground as he looked up and admired my topless form.

He grabbed my hips flipping us over so he was hovering over me, connecting our lips together. His hand that wasn't wrapped in my hair slowly brushed down my body, his fingers finding their way inside of me. I let out a small squeal at how cold his touch felt

. “Sorry,” He chuckled as he continued to move his fingers.

“You could have warned me that your hands were cold.” I giggled pulling his face back to mine.

I let out a small breathy moans while Billy kissed down my jaw, slowly making his way between my legs, kissing the inside of my thighs. He pulled my undies all the way off pressing more kisses on the inside of left my thigh before his mouth made its way to my clit.

My fingers instinctively ran through his hair knotting it in my fingers as he continued to hit all the right places with his tongue.

It didn’t take long for the electrifying sensation I hadn’t felt in so long to take over my entire body completely.

“Uh.. Um..B-Billy.” I spoke softly, voice shaky, as the electric sensation slowly left my body. He hummed unbuttoning his pants with one hand while placing small kisses up my body until our lips met once more.

“You have a condom right?” I questioned as he pulled away from me frowning.

“No, but we can still do it.” He muttered looking down at me.

“Uh, no we can’t. No condom, no sex.”

His head dropped on my shoulder, an annoyed grunt coming from him. “Do you have one?” he whispered nuzzling his nose into my neck.

“No,” I lied knowing that I had one hidden away in my wallet, Something my mother had always taught me, to keep one on me as a backup plan for if and when a boy tells me he didn't have one.

Billy sat up crossing his arms glaring down at me. “You’re lying.” I sat up on my elbows frowning, Billy had been around me long enough to pick up on my tiny mannerisms I subconsciously did when I told a lie.

“I have one in my wallet, but I really don’t feel like doing it anymore.” I mumbled reaching out to touch his face. “I love you too,” I cooed, responding to his confession from earlier.

“And I don’t want our first time together to be when we both are cross faded in someone else’s house.”

Billy finally rolled off the bed angrily buttoning his pants reaching down and grabbing his shirt. Not even looking at me.

“Billy, I want to, but I just don’t think its the right time for us to have sex.” I apologized earning a grunt from him as he left the room leaving me alone.

I got up, getting dressed quietly trying not to let the tears that were stinging in my eyes to completely fall.

I took a deep breath and headed back out to the party, where Billy and I didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

“Good morning, my darling birthday Girl!” My mother cheered as I hoisted myself onto the counter next to where she was standing. I smiled at her leaning over dipping my finger into the blueberry muffin batter she was preparing.

“Daphne Louise, that has raw eggs in it!” She scolded as I fished out another blueberry from the mix.

“That never stopped us from eating cookie dough while watching The Facts of Life” I giggled as my mom swatted at my hand.

“How was the party last night?” She questioned scooping spoonfuls of the mix into the muffin tin.

“I think Billy was trying to tell me that he loves me.” I crossed my legs under one another laughing nervously.

My mother’s eyes lit up as she looked over at me. “Annnnnnd?” She sang.

I dipped my fingers in the batter once again grabbing another blueberry, “We almost had sex. But I stopped it and he got mad and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night”

She knew I wasn’t a virgin, I hadn't been since the ninth grade when I lost it to Joseph West in the back of his Cadillac DeVille. It was way less than satisfying. I asked my mother if it was supposed to be - that bad she laughed at me and told me the first time for everyone was pretty bad. My mother and I had a very close relationship, I was able to tell her things whether she approved of them or not, and she would always offer advice to me when I had any kind of problems.

She gave me a confused look, “Why did you change your mind?” She questioned moving the batter from out of my reach quietly giving me a “tsk.” as a popped another batter covered blue berry in my mouth.

“I don’t know, I just- want to make sure he’s in it for the right reasons.” I muttered.

“I like him, mom. I actually more than like him, I love him,” I admitted with a sigh. “And I want to protect my heart if the feelings aren’t mutual. What if he was just telling me the things I want to hear from him just so he can get me in the bed.”

My mother sighed wiping her hands down her apron.

“Honey, that’s just something you will have to decide for yourself. I personally think he really likes you, especially with all the time you two spend together. He never seems to go home. And he stopped sleeping on your couch weeks ago.”

I grinned sheepishly at my mother, knowing that she knew that Billy and I cuddled in my bed the nights that he stayed with me.

Hell, we would even cuddle the nights we both stayed with Maggie or one of the boys.

“Your father called last night. He wants you to come over for dinner to celebrate your birthday.”

My mother informed me changing the subject, Although we were open with each other she still preferred to not hear about my sex life.

I groaned grabbing and licking the last of the batter off of the spatula. “He’s going to be upset that I haven't applied to any schools still. He won’t even humor the idea of me taking time off of school and living,” I frowned. “I don’t even want to go to college.” I continued looking up at my mother.

My father was the complete opposite then my mother, he was harsh and cold where she was loving and accepting. When I was seven years old, my mother finally had enough of his anger and his hatred that she left with me, finding a home in Arbor Pines.

Growing up, there was a lot of stress and expectations put on my shoulders from him, from being forced into dance classes when I had to spend the summer with him, to having to go to after school tutoring when I wasn’t meeting his standards of grades.

I finally humored him when I was in high school taking advanced classes as well as being on the cheerleader squad and that still wasn’t enough. What I didn’t tell my mother was the abuse she endured before she got the courage was now put upon me. He promised that he’d never lay a finger on me but that complete changed the older I got, and the more of a failure he found me to be.

My mother cupped my chin in her hands pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Baby girl, no matter what you do, or where you go, you will accomplish wonderful things. I couldn’t be more proud of the young lady that you have become.”

I smiled softly at her as I wrapped my arms around her body hugging her. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too my sweet girl.”

I spent the rest of my morning eating and cleaning the kitchen with my mother and avoided going to Hawkins until I absolutely had to.

“I’ll probably hang out with Robin after dinner then come home.” I announced prancing out of the hallway to the living room where my mom was sitting. I pressed a kiss on her cheek.

“No parties while I’m gone.” I joked as I headed out the door with a wave.

It took less than an hour to get to Hawkins from my house, it was one of my favorite drives to take, a two lane road with a vast amount of trees, on the days I had to go to Hawkins to spend with my father, I would always take the top off of my car letting the wind and smell of pine surround me as I sped down the road.

One of my biggest dreams was to be able to travel the country, looking for hidden back roads that would twist and turn. Ones that I could zoom down listening to my music as loud as it could go.

I noticed a familiar blue car parked on the side of the road and as much as I didn’t want to stop and check up on the stupid owner with his stupid amazing hair, I did any way because, I’m a nice person that was in love with a asshole.

I pulled up behind Billy honking my car horn at him. He looked up from his flat tire, wiping his forehead, before standing up and stomping towards my jeep.

“Hiya, Princess.” Billy smirked leaning on my window. I rolled my eyes, ignoring the fact that I would never not be called princess by Billy.

“Come on, I’m heading into town. I can drop you off at the mechanic and they can bring a tow out here.” I smiled nodding to my passenger seat.

Billy took my offer, lumbering around to the passenger side climbing into my jeep. I took off once he was settled humming to myself to make up for the silence between us.

I wasn’t sure if he remembered the night before or not, which I was really hoping it was the latter. That he didn’t remember the kiss we shared or me rejecting him after us almost having sex.

I made a right turn onto the main road that took us to Hawkins, pushing my latest mix tape into the radio pressing my foot down heavily on the gas.

“AHHH AH!! WE COME FROM THE PLACE WITH THE ICE AND SNOW,” I yelled turning the volume to Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song.

“FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN, WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS FLOW,” I looked over at Billy as he clung onto the grab handle above him as we zoomed down the winding roads towards town.

“The Hammer of the Gods!” I smirked returning my attention back to the road swerving my jeep back into my lane.

“Are you sure you’re allowed to drive?” Billy questioned trying but failing to mask his genuine fear in his voice.

I laughed easing up on the gas, “What, never been a passenger to someone who drives like you before?” I smirked eyeing the boy next to me.

He grunted in response as I drummed my thumbs on the steering wheel. “Billy, if I wanted to kill you, vehicular manslaughter wouldn’t be my first choice.”

I could feel his harsh stare boring into me as I brought the jeep to a stop at a light. “I’m serious. I’d poison you and then get Maggie or Issac to help me hide your body.”

Billy rolled his eyes looking away from me. “Remind me to never eat anything you ever give me.”

“You always seem to enjoy the muffins I bring to Naldo’s every morning.” I mused earning another grunt.

“Ok, what gives Hargrove, I understand you being grumpy because you got a flat tire but did Issac piss in your Cheerios this morning?”

Billy muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t quite understand. I reached over to my radio turning the volume completely down.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I questioned, finally pulling into the parking lot of Hawkins only mechanic.

“If I wanted you to know what I said, Princess, I would have said it louder” Billy grunted opening the door to her car hopping out of it. I sat back in my seat, staring at him.

“Are you seriously angry at me because you didn’t get laid last night?”

Billy let out another grunt slamming my jeep door shut. I felt my cheeks grow red from anger as I watched the boy stride away angrily. I placed my car in park getting out and chasing after him.

“You’re such a prick, you know that. Huh?” I yelled pushing his shoulder.

“Was you telling me that you love me last night just some bullshit ploy to get into my pants?!” I jeered as he turned around staring down at me, straight faced.

“What if it was? Huh? What are you going to do Daphne?”

I squeezed my fists into tight balls digging my nails into my palms. “Nothing. I won’t do anything but be completely disappointed in myself for letting some asshole into my heart. There’s a reason I didn’t want to sleep with you and this is it.”

Billy bit down on his lip before sighing and reaching down for my hand. I stepped back crossing my arms over my chest, waiting for him to respond.

“I’m sorry,” he began stepping towards me, and sign of anger he had slowly leaving as his composure relaxed. “I meant everything I said to you, Daph.”

Billy reached out stroking my cheek, “I’m an asshole..and a bonehead and anything else you want to call me.”

I rolled my eyes lightly grabbing his wrists as his hands found their way to the back of my head.

“I love you” he muttered before closing the space between us and kissing me.

“Who lives here?” Billy asked as I pulled into a driveway of a bright blue house. Billy and I spent most of the afternoon waiting for the Camaro to be repaired. After, I followed Billy to his home where he dropped off his car and got into mine so we could go and eat.

“My father and his wife.” I growled turning to my back seat and digging through the mound of growing cloths, settling on a dress. I pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it in the back seat and replacing it with the dress. Billy just sat there staring at me wide eyed as I traded my doc martens with a pair of white flats.

“My father isn’t a big fan of how I dress,” I explained running my hands down the length of my dress. “He’s honestly not a big fan of anything that I do. Probably won’t like you either.” I muttered leaning over and buttoning two of his buttons.

Billy frowned, “Your mom likes me.”

I chuckled taking my hair down from the messy ponytail it was in. “Yeah well, my dad is an asshole. So we’re not going to stay very long.” I cringed looking at the front door, dreading the monster that was behind it.

We both sauntered inside, Billy following me to my room. “Wow… it’s so…”

“Boring,” I cut him off looking around at the bare walls of my room. “I don’t stay here often, so there's no point in making it homey- especially since my dad will sell my things he doesn't like or want me to have.”

Billy frowned as I shut the door behind us. “Don’t worry we won’t be here for long. Just have to show my face because it’s my birthday.”

I rose on my toes pecking Billy’s slips making him smile.

“Wanna make out?”

I pushed his shoulder playfully as he scooped me up bridal style, pressing his lips to mine.

I could hear the rumble of my father’s car from outside my window. “Uh.. Billy,” I mumbled with a shaky voice as hummed against my neck.

“I need you to get into my closet”

Billy looked down at me confused as I slide from underneath him.

“My dad is home. And you being here is something he won’t like” I dug through my bag grabbing my powder compact, patting down the area where Billy had left a hickey. I groaned at how red the mark had remained.

“Daphne! Are you here?!”

“Baby, he can’t be that bad.” Billy spoke plodding towards me.

I turned to him frowning “Billy, please. Just get in my closet and stay there.” I begged pushing him towards the doors.

I turned around grabbing a book of my bookshelf climbing on my bed and laying down opening it. “DAPHNE!” my father boomed busting into my room.

“Hiya, Daddy!”I beamed smiling up at him.

“You didn’t show up for the first day of work at the post. We had to hire Karen Wheeler’s bimbo daughter.” My father growled.

I closed my tattered copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath sitting beside me on the bed

“Daddy, I told you I was working at Wonder Palace for the summer.” I mused only to earn a grunt of disapproval from him.

I stood up giving him a small hug before sheepishly stepping back eyeing my closet to make sure Billy could not be seen.

“Can we please not do this right now? It’s my birthday, I came to eat dinner, not fight about my future.”

My father grabbed my arm pushing me hard against the wall. “I’m so sick of you running up and down the street with all the riff-raff you hang around.” I bit down on my lip, breathing heavily

“You haven’t even given them a chance, dad. They aren’t as bad as you think they are.”

“I told you about these people. Smoking marijuana and drinking at that rundown amusement park isn't a job, It’s about time that you grow up Daphne. You’re 19 years old now. Did you apply to the schools like I asked?”

I looked away seeing Billy looking at me with terror in his eyes from my closet. “No, I didn’t. Mom said that I-“ his hand smacked across my face as he grabbed a hold of my face pinching my cheeks hard.

“I don’t care what your mother has told you. You’re going to go to college. I didn’t raise a failure did I?” I averted my gaze as tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Dad- I just graduated. I want to take time off of-” His grasp tightened around my jaw, forcing me harder into the wall.

“DID I RAISE A FAILURE DAPHNE LOUISE?”

“No sir,”I said through gritted teeth breathing heavily.

“You didn’t raise me at all. Mom did, and she’s proud of me. She’s proud of the person I am and who I may become in the future.” He lifted his hand to hit me once again but Billy caught him by the wrist, staring angrily at my father.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” He bellowed pushing him away from me. I dropped to the floor finally letting the tears fall from my eyes. Billy stood in front my me guarding me from my father as he stormed back over to the both of us.

“You’re not going to amount to anything. Just like your whore of a mother.”

I stood up balling my hands into fists, “And you’re going to die sad and alone.” I growled as Billy remained in front of me.

“I’m not letting you near her.” He spoke harshly reaching back and placing his hand over mine, squeezing it in an attempt to show me I was safe.

“And who are you?” Dad challenged bowing his chest up to Billy.

“My name is Billy Hargrove, and I’m in love with your daughter. We work together at Wonder Palace.”

My father squeezed his eyes shut in frustration, a huge knot growing in the pit of my stomach. Billy squeezed my hand again as I stepped up to stand by his side rather than behind him.

“Really, Daphne? You bring this trash into my house when you know better not to? You let him do this shit to you?” My father pushed Billy roughly away making him fall into my small vanity grabbing my chin, hard, pushing my face away from him so he could get a better look at the marks Billy had left on my neck.

“You’re disgusting.” He barked squeezing my cheeks as Bill pushed him off of me winding back to punch my father in the face. “Hey,” I spoke softly grabbing on to Billy’s arm.

“Let’s just go.”

Billy looked between my father and I before giving me a small nod. I turned to my dad. “I’m never coming back here again.” I declared as Billy grabbed my hand pulling me out of my room and to the front door, my father not even protesting us leaving.

I grabbed the keys out of the pocket of my dress. Pushing them into the ignition reeving my car to life and pulling out of the driveway.

“Daph, please pull over let me drive.”

I Ignored him, pushing my foot down harder on the gas pedal as we zoomed down the street. “Daphne,” Billy reached over caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. I let out a shaky sigh as I pulled over on the side of the road, resting my head on the steering wheel, finally letting out a sob.

“Daphne,” Billy repeated as he started rubbing my back.

“My father treats me the same way.” Billy whispered. My head shot up looking over at him.

“That’s why you never want to go home, isn't it? It’s where, all of your bruises come from?” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand as Billy slumped back in the seat.

“Yeah. My dad expects a lot from me, and no matter what I do, it’s not good enough.”

“What about your mom?” I questioned.

“She left when I was young, and she didn't take me with her. But if she did, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up just like you.”

“Cute with a bad attitude? Oh wait…” I joked winking at him.

“I’m serious,Daphne.”

“Are you going to be ok?” Billy questioned he as pulled into his driveway.

“I have a friend that works at Star Court, I’m going to go and visit her.” I leaned over pressing a kiss to Billy’s cheek.

“Thank you for today.” I continued as he turned looking at me, placing a small kiss on my nose.

“Anytime Princess.” Billy climbed out of my Jeep and striding over to the passenger side, opening my door for me. I slid out of my seat, Billy placing his hands on either side of my hips.

“Can I come over tonight?” He murmured leaning down and pressing his lips to my neck.

“There’s a slice of ice cream cake with your name on it.” I gasped as I felt his teeth lightly graze my neck.

“Uck, can’t you slobber over your girls somewhere else?”

Billy grunted resting his head on my shoulder as I looked over at the small redhead standing in front of us.

“You’re Max!” I beamed pushing Billy away from me and stepping towards her. Billy made another grunt of disapproval as I stuck my hand out to his little sister.

“I’m Daphne, Billy’s girlfriend.” I chirped as she reluctantly shook my hand.

“Max.”

I looked down noticing the skateboard she held in her hand.

“I have the same one but mine is blue. Me and my friends always hit the skate park in Arbor Pines when we have time. Next time you should tag along, you can spend the night if you want to!”

Max looked between Billy and I lifting an eyebrow. “He wouldn’t be invited if that’s what you’re worried about.” I chuckled as Billy slumped against my Jeep. I turned and looked at him angrily.

“Don’t be rude William.” I smirked earning a laugh from Max as I turned back to her.

“I’m serious, I don’t have any younger siblings. I am always game for a skateboarding session and a sleep over!”

Max gave me a huge smile before trying to shrug off her obvious excitement.

“Sounds like fun,” She looked over from me to Billy, who was still throwing a fit that I was talking to his little sister. “Try not to be a jackass and mess things up. I like her.” She quipped before excusing herself and going inside.

“Daphne, why?” Billy groaned as I turned to face him.

“Because if we’re going to be together, I want to try and have a relationship with your family- the ones that matter any way. Did you see how I instantly won her approval because I acknowledged her existence?”

He huffed crossing his arms.

“Stop being such a grump. Or I’ll make you sleep on the couch tonight.”

Billy sighed in defeat. “Fine. Thank you for caring…..about my little sister.” He spoke through gritted teeth, faking a smile.

I skipped into Scoops Ahoy leaning on the counter as a string of cuss words came from the back room. I hit the bell a few times before a boy with fluffy hair strode out.

“Ahoy there! Are you ready to be a passenger on the SS Butterscotch? Let me help you and your taste buds to set sail! I’m Steve Harrington.” He exclaimed running his fingers in his hair smiling at me.

I lifted an eyebrow at him as Robin opened up the back window to watch the boy fail miserably at flirting with me.

“This is what you left us for, Buckley?” Her eyes lit up as she ran out to the front of the store pulling me into a huge hug.

“What are you doing here Daphne!?”

“I had to come to Hawkins to visit my father for my birthday.” I mumbled with an eye roll.

Robin cringed contorting her face up in disgust. “And how did that go?” She questioned as I leaned back on the wall next to the counter.

“The usual, him being an asshole and hitting me. But my boyfriend came between him and I and my dad kicked us out.”

Robin knew most of what happened at my father’s house, after things got bad and I wasn’t able to go back home to my mother, I would find solace and safety at the Buckley household. Away from my father and whatever he had been drinking that night.

An exasperated sigh came from the boy, Steve standing behind the counter. I turned to him giving a confused look.

“You okay over there?” I questioned making him wince a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that- it’s just of course you have a boyfriend, you’re too pretty not to have one.”

I laughed at Steve as he awkwardly averted his gaze from mine. “Thank You. You’re very pretty also.” I complemented.

“I’m Daphne Collins.” I added offering my hand to the boy for him to shake. He gladly shook my hand reintroducing himself as Robin took me to the back room for us to hang out.

We spent the rest of the day catching up and hanging out until it was time for her to help Steve start closing the store.

“I love you, Buckley.” I beamed giving the girl a hug before telling her and steve goodbye.

I wandered to the food court noticing a familiar tall blonde haired boy standing incredibly close to a tiny brunette, smiling down at her as he rubbed his hand against her cheek. I marched up behind him tapping him on the back of his shoulder. He grunted turning around

“I told you to go away Max!” the color in his face completely drained as he looked down at me.

“Billy who is this?” The girl spoke peeking from behind him as he stood there stifled

“Yeah Billy, who am I?” I crossed my arms as he regained his composure.

“She’s just one of the losers I work with. Are you stalking me?”

I didn't even resist punching him in the face, the blow threw him off balance. He turned looking at me holding his cheek in surprised. “You’re an asshole.” I seethed through gritted teeth. I looked at the girl still standing behind him.

“He’s not worth the heartbreak.”

I turned around seeing that most of the food court had their attention on us.

“The Show is over, assholes!” I yelled. Before making my way back to the parking lot and to my car.

Billy pointed his rescue float at me before bringing it to his mouth, using it as a makeshift microphone.

“TOO RA LOO RA TOO RA LOO RA AYE.” Billy sang as he started dancing like a complete dork running into a few people in the process. I stared at him as he started using his float as an air guitar.

“COME ON EILEEN, OH I SWEAR WHAT HE MEANS, AT THIS MOMENT YOU MEAN EVERYTHING!”

I rolled my eyes pushing my sunglasses up my nose as Billy made his way dancing towards me and the skeeball carnival game I was in charge of.

“You know you’re making a complete ass out of yourself in front of the entire park.” I scoffed crossing my arms.

Billy shimmied pointing his rescue float at me once again as he kept singing along to the rest of the song.

“Come on, Princess, you can’t stay mad at me forever.”

“You tell me that you love me, twice might I add, and then you turn around and you flirt with any girl that looks your way. Do I only exist to you when you’re not in Hawkins?” I sneered crossing my arms.

Billy frowned dropping his arms to his sides. “Come on Daph, it’s not like that- It’s just,” He paused, thinking of a way to say what he wanted without pissing me off more.

“You have an image to keep in Hawkins and if you’re seen with the weird stoner chick who likes girls as well as boys people will think less of you.” I blurted leaning back on my stool.

“Life isn’t a popularity contest Billy. If you really loved me than you wouldn’t actually care what people think. And that’s the difference between us, I don’t have to put on this front to get people to like me.” I sneered as Geoff strolled by doing a double take at both Billy and I.

“Everything ok, Daph?” He questioned looking between us.

“Do you mind covering for me? I don’t feel very good.” Geoff nodded eyeing Billy skeptically as I grabbed my things and made my way towards the front office.

The knot in my stomach only growing bigger, the more I thought about the past few days I had shared with Billy.

I stepped into Naldo’s office not even bothering to knock, making my way over to and sitting on the sofa he kept in the tiny room.

“What’s on your mind, Kid?” He questioned, turning his chair around and facing me.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Naldo smiled softly at me, out of our group of friends, him and I were the closest. He genuinely thought of me as his little sister and was probably the closest thing to a loving father figure I had.

“Hargrove, eh?” He stood up, taking a few steps over to the couch sitting next to me.

“I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate it, Naldo. It seems like every time me and him get close, he finds a way to mess things up. Is it me? Am I the issue here?”

I was never the type of girl to question why I got treated badly by who I dated, I would normally end things with the person and move on. But with Billy it was completely different. With Billy, it wasn’t just an infatuation that would only last for the summer. With Billy, I could easily see us together, with a family.

Before him, the only future I saw was me traveling alone finding a beach somewhere to call my home. But now, I wanted the same kind of future but I couldn’t picture it without him. And I hated that.

I hated how I let this complete mess of a boy blow through my entire being like a natural disaster, leaving a permanent imprint in his wake.

“Sometimes, people do really stupid things because they don’t know how to react to the way the person who they love, makes them feel. But Daph, I promise you, by the way Billy just looks at you, He’s in love.”

I frowned looking up from my hands at him, “what do you mean by that?” I questioned.

Naldo gave me a half smile. “When you’re not looking he looks at you like you’re his entire world.”

“Toot it and boot it.” Naldo mused as I pulled him into a hug.

I chuckled rubbing my nose on his shirt. He grimaced looking at the snot and tear stain on his shirt. “I love you, Daph.”

“I love you too, Naldo.”

“Daph, your bonehead is here!” My mom called as I stumbled out of the kitchen seeing Billy standing in the foyer next to her.

“I do not claim ownership to this bonehead you speak of.”

I grunted putting my hands on my hips.

“Can we talk? Please?” He begged, biting down on his lip, a noticeable bruise forming below his eye.

“Please tell me you ran into a wall and Geoff didn’t punch you in the face” I grumbled stepping up to him and taking his face in my hands, examining his eye.

I looked over at my mother who was still standing next to us. Eyeing me with a smile. “Billy will probably stay for dinner, so grab something extra.” I sighed reaching down and grabbing his hand.

Okay, Fabio. Let’s go.” I spoke pulling him to the kitchen as my mom called out her departure to the store. I sat Billy down sauntering over to our refrigerator grabbing a bag of peas wrapping it in a dish towel and handing it to him.

I grabbed his chin examining the dark purple that had formed around his entire left eye.

“I don’t think Geoff, Issac or Derek likes me very much.” He muttered earning a laugh from me.

“They get protective. We all do. All for one and one for all y’know.”

“I’m sorry,” Billy spoke sitting back in his chair as I took my place on one of the bar stools across from him.

“I just, I don’t know how to react to these feelings I have. It’s new and scary, and nobody has made me feel like you do.” He blurted averting his gaze from me.

“You being in love with me is no excuse for being an asshole. You can’t just treat me one way and then the next you laugh at me telling people I’m the weirdo you work with.”

He frowned chewing on the bottom of his lip. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Billy, you are an asshole. But you’re very lucky that I love you and that Naldo talked me into giving you another chance.”

A smile spread across his face as he stood up. “Really?”

He stepped towards me, sitting the bag of peas on the counter next to me before grabbing my face and pulling it to his. I pulled back shaking my head.

“You’re still in trouble, Fabio. You’re not winning me back that easily.”

He groaned dramatically placing his head on my shoulder.

“You’re an asshole.” I repeated making him look at me. I rubbed my thumb over the bruise that started forming under his eye.

“I’m going to make you wait until the end of summer,” I started as he closed his eyes from my touch.

“No making out on lunch, or cuddling in my bed. You can still spend the night, I’m not going to make you stay with your father. We’re friends. Just Friends. Until I say so.”

Billy looked down at me, tears brimming his eyes. “But you promise, that eventually you and I will have a future?” he questioned making me nod.

“I’m not ready to give you another chance as a boyfriend, Billy. But I do love you. I really really love you, so yes we will eventually have a future.”

Billy rested his head against mine. “For you, Daph, I’m willing to wait.”

The remaining months of summer flew by in a complete blur. Billy spent most nights over at my house or he stayed with one of the boy’s house floating around until he eventually stopped going back home all together.

The two of us fell into a comfortable routine of being together but not officially together. I was still withholding myself from him with only a few slip ups when the sexual tension between us got to be too much.

We’d lay in a mess of blankets and tangled limbs on those days, seemingly not letting each other go as we held onto one another. Eventually, I didn’t even bother protesting him sleeping in my bed with me. My absolute favorite time of the day was right before Billy woke up in the mornings.

He was so completely ...Soft when he was sleeping. And I completely loved it. His unruly blonde curls poking out of the quit we were under. Every morning he’d wake up, cuddling into my side. He’d mumble a good morning and a I love you before falling asleep again.

I was completely head over heels in love with this boy and had him wrapped around my finger. And the best part about it was that he didn’t care what people thought about him anymore. Spending the five summer months with me and my group of friends changed him for the better.

He had a group of guys that befriended him because they wanted to and not because they had something to gain in their social status.

He was loved and then in return learned how to love and let people in again. He finally had a family who accepted him, flaws and all.

I woke up next to Maggie, who was sprawled out on my bed, leaving little room for me to actually be comfortable.

We had an end of summer slumber party with Max and her friend El, both girls passed out on my pull out couch.

Max almost instantly took to me after our first meeting, when she wasn’t with her group of friends she was hanging out with me and Maggie. Sometimes all of her friends would pile into my truck, much to Billy’s dismay as we hauled the load of children to Naldo’s Palace.

The kids would spend the duration of mine and Billy’s shift running around the park, or they’d be picked up by Steve and taken back home.

“When did you get here?” I questioned hugging Billy from behind. He turned his head slightly peeking down at me.

“Right before your mom left for work. She told me that everyone was still asleep so I didn’t go into our room.”

“Our room?”

“Your room.” He chuckled correcting himself.

“It can be our room, if you want it to be. Y’know, stop bouncing between mine and the boy’s houses. Move here permanently?” I offered as he turned from the stove and the breakfast he was attempting to cook to pulling me into his arms.

“Moving in with you? That sounds so official.” He beamed leaning into me pressing a kiss to my lips.

I smiled into the kiss, “Guess that makes us official.”

“Have you seen Billy?” I asked Maggie as I took a look around to see if I could find him.

“I went to the bathroom and then ended up talking to Victoria Andrews for twenty minutes.”

Maggie nodded her head up to the top of The Serpent where I could see my boy. Smoking a cigarette.

“Why is he up there?”

Maggie shrugged, “I don’t know, but he mentioned if I ran into you to tell you to go up there.”

“...Okay?” I muttered reaching down grabbing two beers.

“Thanks Mags.” I beamed as I made my way to The Serpent.

Once I finally made it to the top, I sat next to Billy swinging my legs over the railing watching as the party boomed below.

“Whatcha doing up here?” I questioned handing him the can of beer I had grabbed for him..

“Just thinking.” Billy placed his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him, I instinctively leaned into him as he pressed a kiss to my head.

“About what?” I questioned reaching up to his hand that was around my shoulder, and intertwining our fingers.

“What I wanted out of life eight months ago compared to now.”

I gave him a confused look, waiting for him to continue whatever he was thinking about. “Eight months ago, my only plans were to work my ass off and save every penny I made so I could move back to California.Back to my home.”

I felt a tinge of pain pierced through my heart, I had the same plans for myself, but they fell through after we expectancy lost Tyler in a car accident that involved his car being hit by a drunk driver.

All of us were completely devastated at the lost of our pseudo big brother and one of our closest friends.

I just assumed that after Wonder Palace closed for the season that Billy still had plans to leave and go back to California, even when I made it clear I was staying in Arbor Pines.

After Tyler passed, we learned that he had left the entire theme park to the five of us, and of course we almost instantly took the offer to make sure that Naldo’s spirit lived on in his theme park he had loved so much.

“But now?”

He smiled looking away from me, as some of his curls fell into his eyes. Billy took his arm from around me stuffing his hand in the pocket of his jacket pulling out a small velvet box. He opened it exposing a beautiful diamond ring.

“Now, my home is here with you. And I can’t picturing being anywhere else but where I am right now. I love you, Daphne, and I know we both are young but when you know, you know. Will you marry me?”

I could feel a fire spread inside of me. The butterflies that had made a home in my stomach from the moment I had met the boy in front of me trying to burst out of my body.

I looked down at the box Billy held- his hand trembling waiting for me to answer the question he had just asked. I looked up at him giving a soft smile.

“I thought you wanted no attachments working here.” I joked earning an eye roll from him, completely killing the serious mood Billy had tried to set.

“I didn’t plan on having any attachments, until I fell in love with an absolute pain in my ass. Now answer the question before I change my mind.”

“Well at least I a cute pain in the ass.” I fell into a fit of giggles as Billy glared down at me, waiting for me to answer the question he already knew the answer to.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Billy.” I finally replied feeling my cheeks grow warm as a smile spread across his face. Billy slipped the small ring on my finger placing a kiss on my hand before pressing his lips to mine.

“Where did you get this, B? It’s beautiful.” I lifted my hand up looking at my engagement ring, wiggling my fingers out in front of me.

“I used all of my graduation money from my relatives I have never met and all the money I have saved from working here.”

Billy placed his arm back around me, as we fell into the same comfortable position we sat in when we were together. We sat up in the tower of the slide where we shared our first shift together until we decided to go to rejoin the party that was growing below.

“Daph, did you say yes!?” Issac beamed as everyone ran up to us.

“They knew?!” I sputtered turning to look at Billy with wide eyes. “You actually told these idiots you were proposing and trusted them to keep it a secret from me?”

“Of course I told them, Daph. They’re our best friends. I needed their approval.” Billy chuckled pulling me into his side.

“Wait, So you’re staying here?” I questioned making Billy nod.

“I just told you that I spent all of the money I saved for Cali on your ring. And I just proposed to you so why the hell would I go back to Cali when you and our friends live here?” Billy snorted

“I mean, I guess you're right.” I admitted, slightly embarrassed at the stupid question I had just asked.

“I’ve learned that home isn’t just a place, it’s also the people you surround yourself with. Home for me isn’t in Cali anymore. It’s right here with all of you, right here with the absolute love of my life.” Billy spoke, a small smile growing on his face as Maggie and the boys attacked both of us in a group hug.

Billy was completely right, home wasn't just a place, it was the people that you surround yourself with, the ones that when you felt completely alone, they would be there to catch you when you were falling and remind you that you weren’t alone.

And with us, Billy never had to worry about feeling alone again. He had us, and we had him. And all of us had Reynolds’ Wonder Palace.

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lily-blue · 5 years ago

Text

CODE Z3RO | CODE 12

characters: BTS & Red Velvet genre: thriller, futuristic au warning: death summary: The twelve most ambitious and promising university students are welcomed in Choego, the world’s first entirely artificial intelligence-driven city, to compete for five job contracts that could change their life. But what if something goes wrong? What if they get trapped? What if the city suddenly turns against them? Can they find a way out before the countdown reaches zero? words: 4,1K tagged: @philosopher-of-fandoms

➼ Chapter Index

All Namjoon could think about was Wendy and her lifeless body that had been slowly sinking underneath the flowery soil barely an hour prior. And he hated the whole world for taking her away from him in such a cruel and unfair way. She, out of all people, would have deserved so much better. Better than a tomb and a useless boyfriend like him.

After his short-lived conversation with Yerim that had failed to put his restless heart at ease, his mind started throwing bittersweet flashbacks at the engineer, memories of them fighting over the last piece of toast, him drinking straight from the carton of milk, Wendy complaining about his lame choice of presents for her birthday and Christmas and suddenly he regretted that he had always forgotten Valentine’s Day. Reminiscing about his girlfriend, lipstick stains on the edge of his favourite mug, even their most irritating fights and habits seemed nice thus he wished he hadn’t rushed out of the kitchen so hastily. He should have stayed there and borne with her teasing because deep down he had known very well that it had been her way to cope with the suffocating death lingering around them. If only she hadn’t run after him and rather stayed with the rest of the team, peeling the ingredients, she would have been still alive. But she had chosen him over her pride and it all had been his fault. The thought alone truly drove Namjoon crazy, transparent hands choking him with every breath he took.

Wandering in the dark pit of self-blame, still angry due to the newfound information about the researchers’ decision to keep going with such a dangerous project, he was only pulled back to reality when Taehyung pushed him against the wall of the air-drain and that was when he also realized that it was hard to breathe. Maybe his chest wasn’t heavy solely because of his grief after all but also due to the gas that filled the pipes. Another splendid feature that had been made by the creators. One more way they could have killed them. And funnily, the boy didn’t care about dying anymore let it happen in an abandoned building amongst people or all alone at home while sleeping at the age of eighty.

He could hear the echo of Yoongi’s panting and thinking of Wendy, Namjoon turned to their leader and helped him with the slow crawling forwards. He tore a small piece off of his tee to lift it in front of the guy’s face then reminded him of the importance of breathing through his nose even though it might have been annoying with the cloth touching his eyes and mouth whenever they made a move. They were merely in an arm’s length distance from Jungkook’s dirty shoes when they snapped their heads towards the little girl ahead, her silent cry echoing in the small area. She buried her face into the crook of the young boy’s shoulder, shaking and if anything then it proved that something terrible had happened.

Truth to be told, Namjoon was jealous of them having each other but he tried not to think too much into their close proximity because every single member of the team knew that the boy didn’t like the girl. It was merely the aftereffect of the shock that they all felt due to the death of their former acquaintances. It wasn’t real love. He shouldn’t have envied such a fake bubble of nonexistent affection. But he did nevertheless, yearning for the soft skin of his girlfriend’s palm on his cheek.

The boy didn’t even realize that Taehyung was missing until Yoongi’s loud cough beside him remained unnoticed, silence embracing them instead of the familiar mocking tone of the lilac haired guy. After the initial confusion that was clearly written on his face, Namjoon decided to follow the front of the queue regardless of his dislike of letting someone as dangerous as Seulgi take the lead once again. She was unworthy of his trust, her words were imprecise and her knowledge was markedly limited. They moved towards the computer room as one, trying not to stare too much when they passed the hole where the Marketing guy escaped from the gas and they threw Jungkook’s left shoe down at the next exit point to check whether it was safe. They didn’t want to make the same mistake, Taehyung had made, jumping into the arms of death out of carelessness and fear. So far the gas seemed to be harmless, only making them cough although they couldn’t be sure that it wouldn’t have had negative side effects on their bodies later on. But that later felt out of reach taken that they could have died in any minute. They would have been utterly stupid to care about cancer or such although Wendy must have disagreed. Such a silly thought.

The group stared at the lonely shoe for long minutes before Yoongi climbed down and the others followed, their feet touching the ground one by one. When even Yerim got out of the pipes safely, her trembling hand holding onto Jungkook, they looked around silently in the enormous room with a dozen of computers in it. No one dared to speak about Taehyung’s selfish death hence the buzzing sound of the electronic devices slowly drove them nuts. They were finally inside the killing machine. Yet their limbs were frozen.

‘So… is this it? The main computer that can help us get out?’ Yerim asked in a small voice, her arms besides her sides. She took a step towards the biggest screen and looked up at it with her big doe eyes so innocent as if she was begging them to agree.

‘I think, yeah,’ Namjoon told her not one hundred percent sure of himself but at least he tried unlike their leader who walked next to the girl quietly then passed her by without a word to take a good look at the computer, he was so addicted to, from a different angle.

It was white, a warm blanket as thick as fog, the familiar scenery getting blurry and the IT guy’s limbs froze, legs unable to move. Yoongi snapped his head towards the corner where Seulgi should have been but the room was empty and he had suddenly found himself utterly alone. He furrowed his brows in confusion and lifted his hand in front of his right eye to rub it as if he could have magically gotten everyone back. It felt like a nightmare especially because his palms also became sweaty when he realized that his precious laptop bag had disappeared as well.

‘You ungrateful child! I asked you, I begged you not to go but you needed to prove yourself, hah? Aish. Look where your precious IT major has gotten you! You should have listened to me when you still had a chance. And now you’ll die without me being able to say goodbye. You’re such a cruel boy, Min Yoongi. You have never been easy on my heart!’ a sorrowful plea came from out of nowhere, blaming the prodigal son and begging him at the very same time, yearning for something quite impossible.

The always so rational boy shook his head, hands sliding onto her ears and knees trembling a little as he sat on his heels to find his balance. A tiny part of his sanity was aware of the fact that his mother couldn’t possibly be in Choego as the whole city was locked down and not to mention that she hated public transportation so much that she had barely left Daegu. Yet, his heart churned at the thought that she was close and that he could have talked with her one more time. He wanted to tell her a hella lot of things alongside his useless apologies. More than anything, he wanted her to know that he was grateful for everything she had done for him through the years, that he loved her regardless of their debates and that he felt truly sorry. He hadn’t made it easy for her either as he was ever so stubborn, lacking the ability of letting his emotions be shown without feeling overly anxious.

‘Mom? What are you…’ he spoke up with warm tears piercing his eyes and it was stupid, he knew but he couldn’t help it. It was so freaking realistic, he wanted to smash something or cry out helplessly. He was tired of this whole situation, of acting as if he had been truly hopeful when in reality he craved for reassurance just as much as the others. Under the cold exterior, he was just another human being who freaked out when he saw dead bodies and blood. He definitely hadn’t signed up for being a part of an impossible survivor show, a new generation Battle Royal with a smart city being their biggest enemy besides time.

There was a moment when his mother’s voice became so loud, his doubting thoughts melted into nothingness and he truly believed that it was over. That he would follow Seokjin and the others and die like a rat. It was a frightening thought.

He felt a stinging pain in his shoulder but he decided to not care about it too much until a small palm slapped him and his eyes opened wide. It was Yerim kneeling in front of him, face so close to his own that the boy could see the barely there moles on her nose regardless of the fog. She looked scared yet very much determined as she pulled away and mumbled a quiet sorry. Yoongi shook his head.

‘It’s fi—’

‘It’s a hallucination. Guys, it’s a hallucination. They’re not real!’ Yerim’s pitched voice echoed in the air once she stood up, running towards Jungkook so fast as if she felt guilty for not choosing him first. The memory of the younger’s teary eyes froze the IT guy’s limbs because even though it was only a wild guess on the boy’s part, he thought that those tears might have been brimming in her eyes because of her brother who had died in the basement of the local hospital. Just like in his case with his mom, they couldn’t have said goodbye to each other either. That must have been still hard on her. And Yoongi was sure that it would remain the same for the rest of her life, let there be one more hour or year ahead of the girl.

Just like Yerim, Jungkook hallucinated about Seokjin as well but while the eldest had seemed sad in his sister’s dreams, he was quite furious in the boy’s. He blamed him for his own death and screamed into his face, yearning for revenge.

‘You killed me! You killed both of us!’ he shouted and Jungkook didn’t even need to think hard to know whom he was referring to. The elder was talking about Gangnam Girl whose name had been so insignificant back then that the boy couldn’t even recall it. Seeing her begging for help, he had run towards the exit like a selfish child and had refused to mention to the others where she had been exactly or that he had seen her stuck behind the glass door.

The boy was aware of the fact that they were all responsible for themselves at first and only then came the others. He also knew that back then neither of them had known that the city would murder them one by one with its fucked up security system. So maybe others would have done the same as he had done. It didn’t make him a cold-blooded killer, it only showed how desperate he was to get a contract so that he could take care of his poor family. He was a good person, a good person. He was good. Seokjin knew nothing about him and his motives. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been so unfairly judging.

‘I’m sorry… I didn’t…’ he tried to reason but his tongue felt sore and he failed to form the words that mingled up in his mind. There was a helpless teardrop running down his cheek when two tiny palms slid onto his cheeks and his heart could finally rested in a warm embrace. He kept murmuring under his nose though, looking for an excuse that could have cleared his self-conscious. He did feel guilty for both the rich girl and Seokjin’s death.

Yerim didn’t leave Jungkook’s side and watching them, Yoongi pushed himself onto his feet and walked towards Seulgi who was indeed in one of the corners of the room where he had previously assumed. A few locks of her messy hair fell into her face, hands shielding her ears from whoever who was talking to her in her head. Her eyes were teary just like Yerim’s and it made the boy feel uneasy as he slowly made the distance between their bodies disappear.

‘If only, you would have been braver. You could have saved a lot more. But no, you needed to make it worse with that accident in the researcher building, didn’t you? I told you, smoking will kill you one day.’ It was her mother’s raspy voice but she was facing herself as if she had looked into a mirror. She couldn’t bear the sight.

There were lots of people throughout the years who had told Seulgi that she had reminded them of her mother but she had always shushed them away with a small wave of her hand. In her opinion, they couldn’t have been more different from each other as they had never once agreed on any topic let them talking about food or TV programmes that they could have watched during dinner. They had different taste in music, in actors, in holiday destination and in future plans. She preferred to stay in South Korea to build new and better houses on the countryside that could keep the poor warm while the woman wanted her to leave, to move to America and became just as wealthy as the chaebols she hated. Only later she had realized that when she had been in her age, her mother had had a twin sister who had died due to a robbery in that petrol station where she had bought her cigarettes most of the time. But regardless of this newfound information, she still couldn’t make herself quit smoking. She was an addict and life was too stressful.

A shiver ran down her spine when something warm wrapped around her wrists, peeling her hands off her ears with force. Even though she hated the feel of the touch, she was too weak to set herself free. She was stuck in her mind.

‘It’s not real. Snap out of it, Seulgi! You hear me? I’m the one who is real, not them. It’s me,’ a familiar voice addressed her but it was fairly quiet as if it had come from under heavy layers of icy water. So instead of listening to it or asking back who was talking to her, Seulgi kept her gaze on her reflection, on the voice that was blaming her, mocking her with wearing her own face.

She didn’t even realize that she was holding her breath back until insecure fingers started to play with her hair, whispering the same words into her ear over and over again. ‘I’m the one who is real. It’s me. I’m here.’

Namjoon stood in the middle of a room full of people and it was worse than being completely alone because they markedly didn’t want to listen no matter how loudly he screamed at them. They remained still, talking to each other, laughing on ridiculously nonsense jokes and acted as if he hadn’t been there in the first place. He couldn’t decide whom he should have walked up to first to shake a little sense into the emotionless bunch so he closed his eyes and pointed at someone blindly, taking a few unsure steps towards the chosen direction before the blood froze in his veins. He snapped his head at the door on his right, the little girl who had been his target a mere second ago, long forgotten.

‘Namjoon! Namjoon please help! I can’t breathe,’ Wendy said along with a cough that both scared the hell out of the boy and lifted those heavy weights off his chest that made it hard for him to breathe as well. Because his girlfriend was still alive and at that moment, nothing else mattered. Sadly, not even the fear in her voice. Namjoon’s mind shut it out entirely until the girl spoke up again, this time a little weaker after a more painful cough. ‘Something is wrong with the air, it’s suffocating as if the whole building was on fire. Help me!’

There was a loud thud and then silence.

‘Wendy?’ her name, as a question, fell from the boy’s lips while he ran to the door, trying to tear it open. But there was no handle, he could have grabbed.

He slid down along the metal and hit the object with his fist until it became numb and sore. It hurt as it was bleeding on his knuckles but he couldn’t give a damn about the physical pain. The thought of losing Wendy again was much worse because this time it would have indeed been all his fault. It would have been him who couldn’t save her.

‘Namjoon, please. I don’t want to die, not yet. Please,’ she begged him but her voice came from another direction this time that forced the boy’s eyebrows to the middle of his forehead. He looked around in confusion, his gaze observing the crowd but as he paid close attention to the mass of people, he noticed that they had no faces nor ears. They looked like a bunch of lifeless dolls, one could have seen in shop windows. It didn’t make any sense. A few minutes prior he had heard them laugh so hard, he wanted to punch them in the face.

His legs were wobbly when he stood up and turned towards the metal door that changed into a transparent wall. Now, Namjoon could see the hallway in front of the room but the corridor was empty and the air looked fresh.

‘Where are you, babe? Wendy, where are you?’ he asked in despair turning around multiple times, running from one puppet to the other. He pushed a few on the ground carelessly, not bearing the thought of wasting his time while his girlfriend was in danger. He wouldn’t let this shapeshifting building take her away from him now that he got her back.

His heartbeats were so loud that he needed to stop for a minute and calm down otherwise it could have been possible that he would go totally deaf before he could have deciphered the instructions that the girl gave him. So after his short-lived rampage, his movements came to a halt and he closed his eyes to be able to focus more effectively, repeating his question over and over again until he finally got an answer so weak, it churned his heart. It sounded as if it came from a ghost.

‘It’s so dark, I can’t see,’ she claimed and the first thing that came to the boy’s mind was that they had buried her under pretty flowers. Was she calling for him from her coffin? Could she had been still alive underneath, waiting for him to get her out of that stupid hole? Was this freaking city developed enough to heal major wounds, to save lives even when people failed? It seemed so impossible and yet Namjoon found himself believing in his childish ideas. He wanted to believe that somehow Wendy had survived the blood loss, that miracles existed in Choego.

But then came a faint knock from behind his back and this time it echoed on the surface of a wooden door that had a handle.

‘I… I love you. I… I wanted to have a family with you. I… I’m so sorry,’ the girl confessed quietly and it was so out of the character from her, apologizing when she didn’t do anything wrong. Because regardless of their stupid debate that had been started with her comment on his cooking skills, he couldn’t put the blame on her without feeling bitter. He could have also chosen to stay and eat the lunch they had been about to prepare. No one had forced him to run away.

He had wanted to have a family with her too but Wendy had been always adamant when the topic had come up between them at home. She had worked super hard to become an excellent doctor and settling down and having children together would have ruined everything for her. She had wanted to have a stable career before she would have gotten pregnant. Namjoon had usually understood her reasoning and he had loved her so much, he could have waited for her to be ready, but the fact that she had been so against the idea had hurt him nevertheless. So now when he could hear the sincerity in her faint voice, the whole wide world turned into something worthless and insignificant in his eyes. The core of his existence was Wendy and the medic girl alone who had never failed to take care of him when he had caught the cold.

‘I’m coming. Please hold on for a little while. I’m coming,’ he said but the door got further and further away with every step he took.

‘I’m so scared, Joon-ah,’ she admitted and the boy could imagine how hard it could have been for her to show him her vulnerable side. Out of the two of them, it had been always Wendy who had been the stronger.

He brushed the hand off his shoulder when someone touched him then snapped at the intruder harshly for stealing some of his precious time. Yet, the doll didn’t back off, not even when he pushed her onto the ground. No. It stared at him horrified as it put on a familiar face. It looked at him with Yerim’s big doe eyes, unshed tears shining in them like restless stars on the cloudy sky.

‘Namjoon, stop! It’s not Wendy! It’s a hallucination, the fog’s doing,’ Seulgi tried to reason, touching his upper arm tentatively but even for the lightest touch, the boy snapped. He slid his angry gaze to the other girl and gritted his teeth. Seulgi was the last person he had wanted to encounter with now that he was on his way to his girlfriend. The same girl whom he had lost due to the Architecture major’s incompetence.

‘Let go of me!’ he pushed her further as well, and it was only because of Yoongi that she didn’t lose her balance the same way as Yerim had done. Namjoon was much stronger when he was angry than any of them would have guessed. They simply couldn’t stop him marching towards the door. ‘She needs me. She’s waiting for me. I can’t leave her alone,’ he told them before he speeded up and grabbed the handle.

‘Snap out of it, man!’ Jungkook shouted after him, voice trembling at the end of his sentence. He couldn’t believe what was about to happen in front of his eyes, in front of all of them.

Because one thing was inevitable once Namjoon opened the door and crossed the threshold to step out to the hallway where Taehyung’s body laid. The laser cut him into pieces before he could have screamed. He smelled like roasted meat, falling onto the ground in five different directions.

Jungkook grabbed Yerim’s elbow and pulled her into his embrace on instinct so that he could cover the dreadful sight of the lifeless body parts and the flood of blood on the tiles. Then he also buried his face into the girl’s hair as if it could have functioned as a curtain between the world and them. It couldn’t.

Seulgi kept her eyes on Yoongi and the IT guy just stared at the still figure, dumbfounded. It took him long minutes to collect himself and walk back to the main computer, looking for the control panel of the aircon that could have helped them suck the fog out of the air. As they didn’t need the door to make the air clearer, Seulgi closed it, trying not to glance at the bodies before she leaned her forehead against the door and made an attempt to even her breathing in vain. Even if one of them was Taehyung, it was definitely too much to handle.

The silence that was broken only by the buzzing sound of the computers was suffocating, Jungkook thought, while he fondled Yerim’s hair. This time she didn’t cry like the boy had expected from her. Her shoulders didn’t shake, not even a little. And her stillness was more frightening than her tears had ever been before.

➼ XIII. chapter

#code zero #bts scenarios #red velvet scenarios #ssbyme #thriller #futuristic au #this was one of the most challenging chapters for me #i hope the visions are dark enough #and not too cheesy #idk why would they be cheesy lmao #the ships are sailing

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head-like-a-steel-trap · 5 years ago

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COUNTERFEIT (February 2020)

So I went on a tour this February to follow one of my favourite bands, Counterfeit, across the UK. They were opening for a band called Palaye Royale which I didn’t know before. It all started in Manchester at the O2 Ritz on 19 Feb 2020. It was a rainy Wednesday and I decided to take an early train there. I met up with my friend Angelica, whom I knew from the previous tour in December, and her friend Federica. They are both Italian. We booked a hotel room together close to the venue. We met up there, got ready for the show and waited until it was time to go to the VIP Meet&Greet with the band. The weather was horrible, so we were freezing outside for a solid half an hour, during which we saw Jamie and his brother Sam smoking outside. Then we were let in and I got to talk to Craig, the tour manager, who’s a sweetheart and at the point my favourite “member” of the band. He gave us posters and then he brought the band in. We all set down on the floor and did a Q&A. I asked about the meaning of 11:44’s title. Apparently it’s just the time they wrote the song! Simple as that.

Then we took pictures with the band and Craig let us stay inside the venue. I bought myself a hoodie from the merch stand and we decided to stand close to the stage from that point on. We got a nice 4th row right in the middle of the stage. We waited a bit and then Charming Liars started playing. They weren’t too bad. Then finally Counterfeit came on and the whole crowd got excited, cause they really know how to put on a good show. They played Paralyzed, Getting Over It, Alive, Lack of Oxygen, The New Insane, 11:44 and It Gets Better. New Insane was absolutely mental and Jamie jumped into the crowd during 11:44 and somehow ended up in front of me, so we got to sing it together. The show ended and I decided to buy another VIP ticket on the spot for London. I only had a GA for that show. We decided to stay for a couple of songs of Palaye Royale, when we saw Tristan, the Counterfeit guitarist, on the balcony. We went up there and as we were on our way to him I noticed Roland, another guitarist, and Jimmy, the drummer, standing right next to us. We decided to play it cool, because they had their girlfriends with them. So we watched another song or two from the balcony not looking at them. I turned around and suddenly Jamie and Sam are right behind us talking to the other guys. Surreal. Once again, we didn’t approach as we didn’t want to disturb them. Soon after Jamie and Sam left and we decided to go too. Angelica wanted to go out for a smoke and lo and behold, Jamie and Sam are in the smoking area talking to three German fans. We joined the conversation and spent a while talking to them, which was super lovely. Then we went back to the hotel.

The second concert I went to was in London at the O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire. It was Sam’s birthday. Angelica lives in London, New Malden so I spent three nights at her place. 2 out of the 3 nights Miriam, another Italian fan, also slept at Angelica’s and we all went to the show where we met again with Federica and the German fans. We got to the venue an hour before the M&G. They let us in and we saw Counterfeit sound checking Paralyzed. Then we went to this other room and as the band went in we all started singing Happy Birthday to Sam and they german fans brought him a cake. We did the Q&A again, but I didn’t ask anything this time. We went to Sam immediately after the Q&A to give him a present we bought him the day before in Camden Town - a silver guitar pick customized with his name on it and the number 26 - it was his 26th birthday. We took a picture and I asked for a funny face, but only Sam tried to do one. Jamie on the other hand smiled, which he never does in pictures. We call it his “Statue” face. They told us that we need to go outside of the venue again and join the normal queue. We managed to sneak in the O2 Priority lane, through a guy who brought us with him. They let us in at 7pm and we listened, once again, to the Charming Liars. Then Counterfeit came on and things got pretty rough. People were pushing so much. They did the same setlist as the night in Manchester. Jamie went into the crowd during 11:44 and I was really close, but not necessarily in front of him. When the show ended we hung around for a couple of Palaye Royale songs and went once again for a smoke hoping to meet the band outside. Angelica pointed out an older man standing about 30 meters away from us. It was Jamie and Sam’s dad. Soon after Sam appeared and hugged his dad and they both waited for Jamie who came out soon after. They all got into a car and we saw that their mum was inside and Sam’s girlfriend too. They all left, probably to go celebrate Sam’s birthday. We went back in for more songs and then decided to walk through central london before going back to Angelica’s.

The day before the last gig we got an email that the show in Birmingham was cancelled and so w naturally freaked out. After 4 hours of absolute mayhem, Counterfeit managed to secure another venue for themselves and they organized a free show for us, Counterfeit fans, at Mama Roux’s in Birmingham the next day. We were super excited, because we would get more songs. Basically a full setlist not just the shortened version as when they were just opening. We got to the venue in time and met Craig outside and talked to him for a bit. He then let us in, gave us free stickers and took us upstairs. I was hella nervous because I had and important question for the band. They came in, introduced themselves and I was the first one to raise a hand. “Hey, so in Manchester and London you talked about fear and anxiety a lot. How do you deal with it? Do you have any tips? Cause I’ve been struggling with it a lot recently.” and I expected just a short answer, what I got instead was a 10 minutes long answer from Jamie. He was looking at me the whole time and basically just talking to me about his experience and what he does to make it better. That made me super emotional and grateful. The Q&A’s are usually 20 minutes, so that means he spent literally half of it just talking to me. Then it was time to take the picture. I walked over to them and thanked them for answering my question in such a detail. I asked for a hug and they all hugged me, but especially Jamie - he squeezed me super tight. I stood in the middle and suddenly I hear Jamie’s voice “Do you want some chocolate?” which totally took me by surprise and I just looked at him and said:”uhhh, ok, I guess yeah. Thank you.” He turned around and reached for a box or chocolates, took one out and gave it to me. I said goodbye and went outside of the room. Sat on the stairs and started crying super hardcore. People were looking at me, but i didn’t care. We will get a refund for the cancelled Palaye Royale show, so we asked if we can give the money to Counterfeit. Craig told us that they weren’t taking donations but if we bought a shirt that the money would go to the band so I bought myself one. Talked to Craig and complimented him on his rings. He said that they are to remind him of his cat. Then we had to go out for a short while, but we were let back in very soon. I got the first row right in front of the mic, basically the best spot in the venue. There were only about 50 fans at the venue so it was super intimate. And i stood next to Leah, a girl which I met in Leeds on the last tour. Thee were 3 opening bands: Y!KES, The Uma and Lizzy Farrall. They were great. I took a selfie with Y!KEs’ drummer. He was super cute. Then finally Counterfeit went on stage. I was right in front of Jamie, literally 20 cm from him the whole show. We made long eye contact so many times and he was super happy during the show. They even did a twenty one pilots cover. They went into the crowd multiple times and played some old songs as well as the new ones from the unreleased record. The energy in the room was amazing. When the show finished, me and Leah hugged for a long time, crying and holding each other. Then I did the same with Angelica. We went outside and Jamie was there. He was talking to one of the german fans so we joined in and spoke to him for good 30 minutes. He said goodbye and went back into the venue, but he told us to wait, because the rest of the band would go see us too. Sam showed up shortly afterwards and we made jokes about how tall everyone in the band is and how short me and my friends were. I complimented him on his coat and he said he thrifted it for only £3. We said goodbye and waited a bit more. Saw Roland and Tristan loading the van with equipment and talked to Jimmy for a while, hugged him and went back to out hotel. I have so much respect and love for these boys. They are such nice, genuine and humble people. I miss them already, xx.

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themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years ago

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The Hand That Reaches for God- Chapter 22

Warnings: Graphic violence, gore, some insinuated violence toward children at the very end, dark material, and language.

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.” – Steven King

-2 Years Before-

Dean laid in his hospital bed, watching the ceiling tiles warp and wave from the morphine pumping through his IV into the vein in his arm. It quieted the ache of his leg, his burns, but it didn’t quiet the ache that was so deep inside of him that no surgery could possibly reach it. He was only grateful that he didn’t lose his sight, because at least the way that he was kept him from seeing Charlie at all hours of the day. He only saw her when he closed his eyes, and he only heard her in his nightmares. So he tried to stay awake, but the drugs made him tired, so the nightmares came and most of the time he accepted them like an old friend. It was what he deserved, after all. They were laughing, for god sakes. The image of her smiling face was burned into his retinas, the last moment when he was still Dean Winchester, when his friend was still alive. He’d never forget laying there in the dirt, with his leg twisted the wrong way, pain coming in waves just knowing that no one was coming. He used to believe that hope was something essential, something that everyone had, but as he laid there in the heat of the desert among the broken pieces of his friend, he felt the hope leave his body like a piece of his soul. It was something he feared that he’d never get back. Maybe he didn’t deserve to have it back.

A brief knock came to his door, and he groaned internally before turning his head away from the door. “I don’t want any visitors. Come back later.”

“That’s no way to greet your Commanding Officer, Winchester,” a familiar, gravelly voice met his ears and for just a second his heart squeezed.

It was only for a second.

“Don’t have one of those.”

“Dean.” Castiel opened the door to his hospital room, but stayed hovering in the doorway, presumably taking in Dean’s broken state.

“Cas, I’m… I’m tired, can you just come back later?” Dean asked desperately, gripping the sterile bed sheets in his fingers.

“I can’t come back later. You know that,” his friend sighed. “You won’t let anyone in to see you.”

“But yet you’re still here,” he grouched, the sting behind his eyes almost enough to risk closing them. Almost.

“Turns out the nurses like a man in uniform,” Castiel joked as he closed the door. His boots making the familiar heavy-footed sound as he crossed the room to Dean’s hospital bed. “Plus, they’re worried about you.”

His lip curled up at that, and he hastily turned over on his side, wincing from the new angle against his bad knee. “Well everyone should just mind their goddamn business. How am I supposed to heal if people won’t let me rest?”

“Dean,” he sighed, standing no more than a foot away from the bed. “Shutting everyone out isn’t the answer. I… we miss you. It wasn’t your fault. If anything, I shouldn’t have sent her along. I should’ve checked on you both sooner… I should’ve…”

“Stop,” Dean said sharply, Castiel’s words hitting him like shrapnel. He rubbed his aching chest with the heel of his hand. “It’s no one’s fault.” But mine, he silently reminded himself.

“You’re almost right.” His striking blue eyes met Dean’s. “The only one at fault is whoever placed that landmine. No one else’s. No matter how much we want to beat ourselves up over it.”

Easier said than done, Dean thought bitterly. He offered a smile that settled on his lips, but it reached no further. Cas was his friend, after all, he didn’t deserve the silent treatment. None of them deserved the shit that they got, though. It was the luck of the draw. “I’m glad you stopped by. Nice seein’ your face.”

“Glad yours is all in one piece.”

“Right,” Dean said tightly. He grunted and shifted his weight to lay flat on his back. “Can you get the nurse? I just... I think I need some more meds.”

“Sure, Winchester. Of course.”

He hoped he appeased his former officer, as he watched Castiel disappear into the hall, and he let out a breath that he’d been holding. It hurt. Everything fucking hurt and no amount of morphine would help. Not this time.

-30 Days After-

In a different circumstance, it might have been funny watching Castiel in a gas mask waving his arms like he was at some kind of concert. He was running out of the smoke like it was a dramatic display, and it kind of was, but there was something deeply unsettling about the way he pulled his mask up to uncover his lips, despite the risk in the air, just to shout. “Rouges!”

As if on queue, a hand reached out from the mist, grabbing ahold of Castiel’s shoulder and yanking him backwards, knocking the feet out from under him. His gas mask rolled away as his head slammed onto the ground. He didn’t move immediately, likely dazed from the impact. It wasn’t until the Rogue bent down onto its knees that he finally started to scream.

Dean let go of Emerson’s hand and instantly started to run, his bad leg be damned.

“Dean!” Emerson called, moving her own gas mask. She stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. The world was unbelievably still, quiet, the bleep bleep bleep of the alarm ringing out into the air, matching Castiel’s screams. It broke the quiet like shattering glass.

Before Dean could reach him, another set of hands reached out of the mist. It was like when rain would start to fall, one or two drops at first before a complete downpour.

Dean didn’t slow, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Not after what happened when he was in Afghanistan. He refused to lose anyone else, not on his watch. Emerson knew that about him, she knew as he pushed forward harder. Something settled within her then, as she watched the Cas hold off the Rogue with his forearm, as it’s fingers dug hot into the fabric covering his skin. She knew that they wouldn’t be able to save everyone. A lot of people were about to die.

Sam had dropped Pheli’s hand when Emerson wasn’t looking, and he was running after Dean, too. The older brother hoisted his gun off of his back and pointed at the Rogue, ready to shoot.

“Dean!” Emerson called, her feet leaving the ground before she could consider the ramifications, because the mist was clearing, and she could finally see that they were fucked.

A shot rang out in the air as the Rogue on top of Castiel collapsed onto him. Cas pushed the limp corpse away, looking to Dean with fearful gratitude. The ground was soft under Em’s feet as her and Pheli ran after the stubborn Winchester brothers, who were running directly into a massive horde of Rogues.

Sam held out his arm, stopping Dean mid stride. They were frozen in place, as Cas’ grateful smile melted on his cheeks. He started to get on his feet, but before he got the chance he was surrounded by gripping hands, biting teeth, peeling, bubbling flesh. A larger Rogue stumbled to him, and when Cas caught the look of him his mouth hung open.

Emerson caught up to Dean, grabbing his shoulder in order to hold him in place, and that’s when she saw it. The hat on the head of the Rogue, the hair prickling through the burning skin on its chin, the military jacket that matched Castiel’s. “Benny,” she murmured as the Rogue reached forward with a strong hand, grabbing Cas’ throat and yanking hard.

There was so much blood. It sprayed out of the open neck wound, between the Rogue’s fingers, onto it’s face. He couldn’t even scream, he just gurgled, staring with wide eyes as another Rogue reached behind him, it’s teeth biting into his shoulder, burning through his layers of clothing. When he opened his mouth to try to scream again, black blood spurted from his lips, his face was pale as they watched the life fade out of him. Four more Rogues surrounded him, circling, grabbing at him, screaming an inhuman wail.

“Dean we have to go,” Emerson said tightly, finally able to force her body to move before they were spotted. “Dean, hey, we have to go.” Her voice was gentle, but her hand on his shoulder was firm and squeezing.

He turned to her, and although she couldn’t see his eyes, she knew that something clicked with him. He nodded, and grabbed her hand again. He held up his gun in his free hand, and Emerson held hers up in agreement. She pulled her mask back down and they all turned to look for the Jeep.

Time was running out, a count down, a ticking clock, it was always like that with them. There was never enough time, but they always managed to pull out, didn’t they?

-5 Years Before-

The countdown to Midnight was winding up. Pheli was already celebrating, sitting in Sam’s lap, her arms tossed around his shoulders lazily. Her fingers were tugging on his growing hair.

Emerson rolled her eyes and stared into her cup. It was just Coke, but she wished it was more. She never fit in at parties. She wasn’t the type.

She sat down her coke and flattened out the black dress that Pheli picked out for her, deciding that maybe she would go to the bathroom. She was sick of standing around and not being talked to, no one ever talked to her at parties, and Phel said it was her resting bitch face, while she insisted that it was something else altogether.

She tugged on the black lace choker around her neck, feeling unbelievably claustrophobic. The party was at Sam and Dean’s house, since their parents were on a ski trip. The house was pulsing with music, and filled with people from Dean’s graduating class and some that were in classes with Sam and the girls. Em hadn’t seen Dean all night, not that she was looking for him, but it was still weird that he wasn’t hanging around annoying her.

She ran her fingers along the wall, squeezing past bodies kissing in the hallway. It was hot in the house, the air damp from the sheer amount of people. Emerson wanted to just be away from it all. A party wasn’t her idea of fun, she would’ve rather been home, somewhere open, somewhere that she could hear herself think, somewhere that maybe she could just sit and talk with another person. Her stomach flipped at the insinuation deep in her mind, and she pushed it back, because there was no point.

She’d splash her face with some water in the bathroom to get some clarity. They were so close to Midnight, that she would be able to easily sneak out when the year changed. She opened the bathroom door, and immediately stopped in her tracks. There was a couple in the bathroom, the woman was being kissed down her neck, her back was arched, and her head was lulled back, her hair dipping into the sink. The man held her up, her hand in his pants, as he groped her chest. The muscles on his bare back flexed as his hands moved over her curves. Emerson wanted to turn and walk away, but she couldn’t make her feet move. She couldn’t make them move until the girl squealed, covering up her breasts with the man’s own naked chest.

He turned and met Em’s eyes. Dean. His mouth hung open. “Em, what...”

“Sorry!” She squeaked, slamming the door. She ran, pushing past the couples in the hall. Her fingers gripped her choker, ripping it away from her neck, because fuck, she couldn’t breathe.

“Five, four, three, two, one! Happy New Year!”

Emerson opened up the front door, running into the yard, her stocking covered knees falling into the snow. The yard was dark despite the explosions of fireworks overhead. She needed to get up, go home, and shower at the very least. She wanted to curl up in bed and never leave again.

“Em,” Dean said, behind her.

Goddamnit! “Its midnight, don’t you have someone to kiss?”

“No.”

“Sure looked like it to me. I bet your date will be missing you. I’m good, just... go.”

“Em.”

Her bare fingers curled into the snow, and she clamped her eyes shut tightly. What is the point of it all? Why is he doing this? “What, Dean?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? You can do whatever you want.”

She heard his heavy boots taking steps toward her through the soft padded snow. “You shouldn’t have had to walk in and see that.”

“No one should. You need to learn how to use a lock,” she said tightly, urging herself to stand.

“I...”

“What?” She turned to look at him and immediately frowned. He’d shut the door behind him, but he stood there, out in the yard in just his jeans, his t-shirt was balled up in his hands. “What the fuck, dude?”

“What? I... oh.” His cheeks turned a deep shade of scarlet and he quickly put his shirt on, covering up his freckled chest, and that line of hair from his belly button all the way below his belt. “Shit I just saw you upset and I... I’ve had a bit to drink,” he said sheepishly, his hand reaching behind his head to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.

“So, you just left her there?”

“Uh, yeah. I guess I did.”

She couldn’t help but smile a bit. “Why would you do that?”

He shifted his weight. “Wasn’t really about her.”

“Right,” she murmured. What was it about?

“Em, I...”

He had that look. Emerson knew that look all too well, it was the look that told her that he was going to say too much. It was that confession look. He was drunk, some girls hand was just down his pants, and no matter what else happened, or what she may feel for him when he looked at her with that face, he was still Dean Winchester. It still wasn’t right. So she reached down and grabbed a hand full of snow and threw it at him.

“What the...” His eyes were wide as he looked down at the snow rolling down his chest. “Did you just throw a snow ball at me, Maklen?”

“You must be drunk. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“You’re dead,” he said with a smirk, reaching down and balling snow in his own hands.

Emerson quickly shuffled to her feet, not able to get away before a snowball hit her back. She turned to him with her mouth wide open in shock. “You seriously hit me?”

“You hit me first!”

They stared at each other, eyes narrowed. It was a challenge and they both leaned down, grabbing snow, and pelting it in each other’s direction. It was cold, wet, and they were laughing. He dumped handfuls of snow down the front of her dress. “Dean!”

He laughed and pulled her into a hug, nuzzling his face into her hair. She took the opportunity to slide her leg between his and kick his feet out from under him, unknowingly sending them both backward into the snow. His back hit the ground, and he stared up at her, out of breath. She laughed, looking down at him.

Dean reached up and brushed her hair out of her face and held her cheek. “You should smile more often.”

She rolled her eyes. “You shouldn’t tell people when to smile. It’s rude.”

“It’s just the truth. You look beautiful when you smile, and when you don’t, but even more when you do.” He leaned up, his eyes fluttering closed and holy fuck, he was trying to kiss her.

“Dean,” she squeaked, putting her fingers on his lips to stop him.

“What? Oh shit, I’m sorry. You don’t want to, I was reading the signal wrong.”

“You were just kissing another girl five minutes ago. It sort of looked like you were going to do more than kiss her. She sure as hell was going to do more than kiss you,” Emerson said, shifting her weight off of him. She sat in the snow, suddenly feeling the cold that seemed to seep through her clothes and her skin, deep into her bones until it chilled her soul. “It doesn’t matter that you left her in there. You don’t want me, Dean. If you did, you wouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

She brushed her fingers along his jaw, staring at him with more longing than she usually allowed herself. “You are very sweet, Dean Winchester. You know just the right things to say, but you don’t just have to say what’s right. It has to be right.”

“It...”

“Shh, don’t,” she pleaded softly. “Go back inside. Celebrate with your brother. I’m just the girl next door that you like to annoy. Sleep off your hangover, and I’ll see you later.” She stood up, brushing the snow off of her tights, offering him a hand to help pull him up. He put his hand in hers and stood up effortlessly, without using her help at all. He just stood there then, looking down at her, with her hand in his. He was looking at her like he wanted to say something. It was that same face again that made Emerson’s stomach hurt. “Dean...”

He pulled her against him, cradling her head in his hand, his face in her hair. He seemed to breathe in the scent of her. They stood there for a few seconds, before he pulled back and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Happy New Year, Em.”

-30 Days After-

The Jeep was in running distance, but in the exact direction of the Rogues. It was still parked near the fallen gate, and the fact that it was still parked there amidst the disaster left Dean with a really bad gut feeling.

He pointed to the Jeep and looked to Sam, who nodded knowingly. The two brothers were able to read each other easily after their years together. They would have to run and fight their way through the horde. He turned to Emerson and pulled up his mask. She followed suit. “Listen to me,” he said, immediately holding her face. “We’ve gotta run. We are gonna have to fight, hard. If something happens to me you will not stop.”

“What I...”

“Shh, stop. We don’t have time to argue.” His thumb traced her jaw, and his chest ached looking at her. Something inside of him worried that he may never see her again. “You run and you don’t look back. You get the fuck out no matter what the cost, because I...” Fuck. I can’t say it, not like that. “You’re family, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Her eyes scanned his and she nodded, pulling his lips to hers for one last urgent kiss. He bled his heart and soul into her, pressing their bodies full flush together, and the moment that they released their embrace, he felt an emptiness that travelled through him so deeply and endlessly that he thought he may never feel whole again.

They pulled their masks back on, and they ran forward.

The mist had almost completely dissipated, revealing the true amount of Rogue’s that they were dealing with. There were dozens. Some had clearly migrated from the city, they were older, almost all bones and hanging flesh, compared others who looked more like Benny. They were new, recently changed. Dean hadn’t believed it before, not really, but when his eyes met the dead, lifeless eyes of Ash, his mullet still swinging low behind his head, matted with blood, he couldn’t deny it anymore.

He didn’t want to do it, but it seemed like just about everything that Dean Winchester did was something that he didn’t want to do. So he raised his gun, aimed, and blew his old friend away.

The mob that was leaning over Castiel popped up at the sound of the shot echoing through the camp. The Rogue that used to be Benny turned, and opened his mouth that was covered in wet blood and let out an unholy screech. His bony finger pointed out to the group, and the twins ran. It was all that they could do. Sam and Dean hung back, picking off the Rogues that they could with their guns as the girls pushed forward, their feet slipping in the mud.

The continuous sounds of shots ringing in the empty air was muffled from the sound of Dean’s heart racing in his ears, and the breathing that filtered in and out of the gas mask. Keep it together, Winchester. He glanced back to see that the girls were almost at the Jeep, and he let out a sigh of relief. He knew that’d be the hardest part. They could get away if they reached the Jeep. All they had to do was reach the Jeep.

He gave himself a second to breathe. He should’ve known better.

He felt the fingers curl around his shoulder, blistering, bony, with a grip that was paramount to a professional wrestler. Dean turned immediately on instinct and raised his weapon, sending the butt of the gun into the jaw of the Rogue. It dislocated with a loud crack. The creature blinked at him, it’s jaw hanging loose on its hinge, being held together by molten, dripping flesh. It’s tongue wiggled out like it hadn’t experienced fresh air before, and Dean thought he was going to throw up. He swallowed back the bile that grew in his throat, and turned the gun back on the creature, pressing the barrel to its forehead. Bang!

Another hand grabbed his shoulder from behind and just as he turned to administer another blow, he caught sight of a mask. Sammy, he thought weakly. His brother raised his weapon and shot over Dean’s shoulder, causing his ears to ring out. Sam grabbed ahold of Dean’s arm and they ran.

The Rogues were on their tail. Dean could tell by the heat radiating at their backs, and the increasing sounds of groaning. It was either the horde, or the early bird special at Denny’s.

He couldn’t even pull a smile from the jokes floating around in his head, his own coping mechanism failing to let him relax back into step with Sam. It was all too close. They were running out of time. One misstep could ruin everything. He knew that all too well. He couldn’t even count how many two-steps back he took. Letting his father wail on him, swearing into the military, not kissing Emerson at the homecoming dance all those years ago, putting his tongue in the mouth of a sorority girl on New Years Eve, getting in the humvee with Charlie, giving Lisa the shit he should’ve given to Em, and letting Emerson walk away to the fire and sit down with Gordon. There were some things that were just on him. He knew that. There was nothing he could do about the past, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again. He was going to get the girls and Sam out alive, no matter what the cost.

“What’s the hold up?” He asked as they reached the Jeep, pulling up his gas mask.

“There are no keys,” Emerson said anxiously, her own mask on the seat in the Jeep.

“I can hot wire it,” Dean said quickly, handing her his gun. “Keep ‘em away.”

He opened the driver side door and crouched down to look under the steering wheel. He pulled out his pocket knife, flipping out the screwdriver extension and twisted his wrist to unscrew the panel. Bang! “Fuck,” he mumbled, pulling the pieces apart to display the wires. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip. It stung and burned from the rain. He knew he had to look like hell, because fuck, he felt like it. There were a variety of colors twisted within he wire column, and he swallowed heavily. Not every vehicle was the same, but he anticipated if he connected the pink with the blue that he would get the engine going.

“Dean, what’s the hold up?” Sam called out, his voice shouting after several shots in conjunction. “We have company!”

“I’m fucking hurrying!” He shouted back, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead with the back of his glove. He held the wires between his fingers and brushed them together a few times before the took. One last thing. He grabbed the red and yellow wires, saying a quick prayer to a god that he didn’t believe in before brushing them together. The Jeep started with a quick growl. “Thank god! Get in!”

Bang!

He slid into the drivers seat and the other three quickly piled in, slamming the doors shut. “Lock them manually,” he instructed, and looked up, putting the Jeep in gear, just to see that they were surrounded. “And put on your seatbelts.”

After the four consecutive clicks of metal buckles sliding into their locked position, Dean pressed his foot on the gas pedal. The Jeep jolted forward, his chest pressing against the locked belt, the vehicle climbed over the bodies with the unsettling sound of crunching bones. Emerson’s hand shot to his, her fingers gripping his tightly. He wanted to turn to look at her, but he couldn’t. He needed to focus forward and drive through the open gate. He had to get them to safety.

Dean glanced over his shoulder to check his blind spot before turning toward the gate. “Dean!” Emerson screamed, her hand squeezing his tightly.

“What? Fuck!” He slammed on the breaks, his heart pounding and his mouth dry. There was a figure in front of the Jeep staring at him, directly into his soul, with its head tilted, dark hair matted from blood, but still hanging limply down a bubbled, blistered arm. It’s mouth opened in a desperate biting motion, black saliva dripping out of its mouth and over its once nice teeth. The eyes never left Dean’s, and he wondered suddenly if they could remember. If they knew. The Rogue’s fingers were twisted into a red stained white blanket, and even through the blood stains he could see a careful blue embroidery name stitched in the corner of the blanket. Ben.

“Lis,” Dean muttered, his lips barely moving as her fingers raised and reached for him like she was asking for help, as if he could still help her, as if he didn’t fuck up so deeply again.

—————

Chapter Twenty-Three

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