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woofwoofwolf · 1 year ago

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REPUTATION

Hobie Brown x fem! Reader

Hobie masterlist: [link]

Summary: Hobie Brown has earned a reputation as one of the toughest punks around. As his new girlfriend you dont dare mess with it.

Notes: alt reader but make it pink and pastels, fem! Reader (she/her pronouns), hurt/comfort, reader has an anxiety/ panick attack, Hobie is a little clueless, new relationship, I'm neurodivergent and this is from my experiences in these settings, so can be read as an autistic reader, flip side to that, I've never actually experienced night life so it might be inaccurate,

Might still edit this lol

You tried to make yourself small in the corner of the dark and musty room. It felt as if that somehow made you stand out more. Which… It probably did… You were the only pastel soft looking thing in a sea of edgy spikes and leather, despite your attempt to tone yourself down. You were honored that Hobie had invited you to watch him play following your newly formed relationship. Last weekend, Hobie had dissipated all your insecurities with his soft kisses and raw words, but they were back full force this night.

It was obvious how respected Hobie was in his community from watching the crowd. It was overwhelming, but made sense all the same. Hobie had this amazing talent of accepting people wholeheartedly and, more importantly, knowing WHO to accept. He wouldn’t even want to give you a second of his time if you were any kind of fascist or creep. He made a great judge of character. He did his own thing, denying the leadership or icon role that would be forced upon him, but giving people hope nonetheless.

His music was…. A choice, but it set the people in the venue ablaze. You mostly loved watching him on his guitar, sweat dripping down from his arms and forehead, filling your cheeks and stomach with warmth. His voice grounded you in familiarity, a bright spot engulfed with the crowd of some scary looking people. You were sure they weren’t trying to intimidate you, Hobie had proved to you to not go by that stereotype, but their outfits were often as loud as their personalities. You weren’t much for the binge drinking that was going on and you had tiptoed away from a table of people that looked to be under the influence of something stronger. Other than that not a lot of people had bothered you.

You had come with Valerie, a female acquaintance of Hobie whom he had trusted to look after you. You could see her in the crowd keeping an eye on you, despite having urged her to pay you no mind and to go have fun. She came back to where you were any time some guy did approach you.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” They’d ask, before being shooed away by Valerie…

Oh god.

You were being a total killjoy to these people, weren’t you? It was too embarrassing. If people found out you were here for Hobie, they’d laugh you out of the building.

At that point, Hobie’s set ended. He was brilliant, pure adrenaline radiating off of him. He jumped off the banged up stage, being celebrated and hit on the back by the crowd as he made his way through. His eyes were searching for something, for you. When your eyes met, his lit up, while your gaze plummeted down, feet cemented to the ground.

You felt his large hand on your bicep and you flinched. “Ey, what’s wrong?” He said.

Shit. You didn’t mean to make him upset.

“You not feeling good?”

You shook your head. “You didn’t drink anything suspicious, did you?”

“She didn’t drink anything all night,” came the voice of Valerie. All of a sudden you were aware of all the worried eyes directed your way. You stood out way too much.

“Oh,” He sounded disappointed, it made your stomach turn. “Did you not have fun, darling?”

That was when the full on panic set in. You didn’t want his friends to know you were dating- what would happen to Hobie if they did?

“No, it was okay.” You said in a quick, high pitched voice, big tears beginning to fall down your face without warning. “Please let me go.” You tried to break free from his touch and run away, but he caught you quickly and walked you out of the event room, through the hallways towards one of the exits. You didn’t dare struggle, but couldn’t help squirming under his gentle grip as people stared and whispered. Valerie followed you two. It was a pleasant and unusually quiet night as you stepped out onto the curb

Once you stopped walking the tears flowed freely from your face and you did nothing but hiccup out apologies. Hobie’s warm eyes watched you full with worry. “Sorry, ‘m sorry. I’ll let you go if you want, I just can’t let you leave like this, okay?” He gently rubbed your right arm, leaving you space, but you subconsciously melted into him regardless, which seemed to reassure him just as much as it reassured you.

“Hobie you idiot,” Valerie said. She was leaning against the poster covered event door to make sure nobody would follow you through that exit. “Are you okay, (y/n)?” You nodded with a sob, another apology leaving your mouth.

“What the hell happened?” Hobie asked. “Did some bloke put his hands on you?”

“No,” you croaked. “No, Val kept an eye on me.”

“You shouldn’t have brought her here in the first place, you dumb git,” Val interjected. “This obviously wasn’t her scene.”

“No- that’s not it either, I, ehm,” your eyes darted from the ground to Valerie, feeling self conscious. She dramatically sighed.

“Fine. I get it, I’ll be inside if you need me.” She put her hand on the handle before pointing at you. “But I want to see you before you leave, okay? You were my responsibility tonight and I’m not letting you leave like such a mess.” You nodded, your whole face feeling hot. “And I’m still mad at you,” she said to Hobie before diving back into the building.

When the door shut, you separated from Hobie as he petted your head, moving his thumb down to your cheek, stroking it in an attempt to dry your tears. You closed your eyes and frowned.

“God, I’m so sorry, Hobie..”

Hobie shook his head. “Shit, I’m the one who should be sorry. I was too daft to notice this wasn’t your thing.”

“No!” You took his hand and squeezed it, looking into his deep brown eyes to convey your sincerity. “That’s not it. I loved watching you, you were .. SO breathtaking. I’m so thankful you wanted me here in the first place, seriously… I’m the one who’s problem, really,”

“What are you on about?”

“I- I can’t put your name to shame like this. I’m not- punk, I’m not cool- I totally humiliated you just now, I mean with your reputation-”

He let go of your hands and shook his hands in a dismissive motion. “Woah, woah, stop right there.” He let out a nervous airy laugh. You picked at your nails as he searched for words. “...I could NOT be arsed about something like that, alright?”

“But, people respect you and-”

“Nah-ah, no buts,” He caged you between himself and the wall “If my mates respect me less for who I love, then they’re not worth shit to me- get that through your thick skull,”

You could only sniff in response, still feeling bad about the whole ordeal. You were surprised when Hobie pressed a kiss to the crown of your head and held it there.

“’m sorry I didn’t check with you more if you were cool with being here,” He whispered into your hair. “I was just so excited to have you be watching me… I’ll do better next,”

You laughed. “I’ll do better too. Promise… and It was exciting for me too,” you could feel him grin against your head.

“Well, that sure is convenient for the both of us, innit?” He let you go and you felt your anxiety lifting. “Next time, if you still want to go to a show, let's go to one together, yeah? I won’t leave you on your own.”

You nodded. “And next time I’ll disguise myself and tell people that was your crazy ex.”

Hobie snorted. “Just tell em you were pissed and no one will care. C’mon, let's get Vals permission to leave and then I’ll keep you company tonight, yeah?”

————

Wait how did this turn into an hurt comfort fic? This was supposed to be a fluffy little drabble lol… I’m semi proud of this one ngl,, writing Hobie’s dialogue is HARD AS BALLS though. I tend to write very formal sounding dialogue, so a character like Hobie is difficult for me, even if he weren’t British. Plus I only know like,, old people British slang lmao. Like sure, I can google and stuff, but for example when you google slang for “happy” the word “chuffed” will come up. Like, Brits correct me if I’m wrong, but this mfer would NOT say “chuffed”?? like that sounds so old to me? (Istg if he says it in ATSV or BTSV I’m going to be so mad lol)

On that note- long shot- if someone who’s British would like to go over my dialogue sections and leave some suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. Message me if you’re interested. Don’t feel pressured though, I love you guys all the same.

I did read this through multiple times, but not as thorough as I sometimes do. Let me know if there are any mistakes.

#hobie brown #spider punk #spiderverse #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x you #spiderpunk x reader #atsv #hobie brown x y/n #scenario #hobie brown x fem reader #hobie brown x autistic reader

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messymaelstrom · 6 months ago

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I just want to talk abt this panel

It's hitting me really hard that the author (genius) is so accurately representing various types of trauma, particularly this.

Oh my fucking god do I relate. This is exactly how I (still) feel about adults/other people.

Laios has been "othered" throughout all of his developmental years. Everyone knew he was different (read: neurodivergent) and they made damn sure he knew it, too. From what we know of his relationship with his parents (from the brief nightmare & the fact Laios is no contact), we know his parents were doing the same thing to him.

He grew up with no sense of safety in being himself, and he still feels it. It's present in how he was reluctant to admit he likes (uh, loves. He loves them) monsters. I'm certain he was berated and shamed for that too. Once he crosses that milestone of just admitting it though, he's all in on being his authentic self despite the criticism he's still getting from the party (a lot).

It's really the perfect situation to try being authentic; if they want to revive Falin they need to get to her as fast as possible, which means no time to get money for "adventurer food," so they are eating monsters. Now Laios is able to indulge an interest, and it's fantastic Senshi is there to guide him and match that enthusiasm. Senshi is the least judgemental of Laios, and I hope Laios considers him a safe person.

And there's no doubt that Laios' deep interest (love) of monsters is continually saving the party's collective ass. It's practical knowledge!! Thank god he knows so much!!

Anyway thanks for coming to my Tedtalk, I have a lot to say about emotional abuse at all times

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #also laios & falin's people pleasing comes from the emotional trauma of being othered and having 'abnormal' interests/abilities #these kids had a rough development & it shows #blessed be thy accurate consequences of emotional abuse #laios has my heart bc ik he suffered in childhood in one way that i did #emotional abuse is still Not taken seriously even though like. youll fuck up ur kid for life from it #anyway

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junkbbykow · 5 months ago

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𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔑𝔢𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔎𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔄𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔉𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰

Hey lovelies! Sorry it's been so long since I made a pac :( I hope you like this one!

This reading is about understanding your current platonic relationships and unveiling the alignment or misalignment they have from your soul family. Whether you feel confident in your friendships or are considering ending them, this reading is for you. Please only accept what resonates, as this is a general reading.

Think of your current friend group and pic a picture.

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3 pile 4 pile 5

Your Current Friend Group Dynamic

Hi, Pile one! From the cards I am getting that you lose a lot of your power in your current group of friends. This has also been a pattern throughout previous relationships. I heard that you can be belittled or torn down by the people around you. It might not be as obvious to you whether that's because you have a neurodivergences that makes it hard to pickup social cues or because the people you are around are sneaky about how they mistreat you to make sure you don't leave. This reading might be for you if you feel like the odd person out. If you're the fat friend, or the Black friend, or any other singularity within the group. Additionally, this pile might be for you if you don't have very close ties with anyone, including family.

With Strength in reverse, you have great power, wit, and charisma but around the people you currently see as friends you make yourself small, avoid stirring the pot, and get mistreated. I also feel as though you have made yourself docile? Like you have the ability to clapback and stick up for yourself, but around these people you have lost touch with that incredible ability. It is okay to be angry. It is a justified response to being mistreated. One thing you can do is reconnect with your anger and be confrontational. Your current friends are WAY too comfortable making jokes at your expense, excluding you, and even talking about you behind your back.

With The Emperor in reversed after that, your energy appears to be off balance. What I am picking up is that you are overly giving. Now, I am not saying you are too generous of a person. I AM saying that there is not a fair exchange or a sense of reciprocity in your current relationship. You may show up to all of your friends events, plan birthday parties, help your friends find opportunities and resources while all they do for you is the bare minimum. I'm seeing that your inner self is very used to this mistreatment. What I am seeing visually is a young femme presenting person who's familiar with being bullied for their appearance or how they act. Again, that might just be people picking up on you for being neurodivergent and not knowing how to handle it. Regardless, I see a person who's very familiar with being the topic of discussion in a negative light. Your inner self has latched onto these friend groups that do the bare minimum because at least instead of bullying you for how you come off they give "constructive criticism" that you can use to be "accepted". That is not friendship and you are perfect the way you are. You don't need to glow-up or do a complete 180 with how you show up in the world to be deserving of love. I also feel like there is no amount of clothing, makeup, money, or glamour magic that will stop people from being hating a$$ b*tches. Just do you. Similarly, you have a personality and energy that can't be hidden so stop trying!

The Wheel of Fortune in reverse demonstrates to me that your blessings are being put on hold due to the unhealthy dynamic of the people around you. I genuinely believe the people you currently hang out with or have been with in the past don't have your best interest at heart. If given the chance, I think these people would deliberately harm or betray you. Their loyalties do not lie with you and they think you are easily used and manipulated (you are not). The reason this is halting your blessings is because these people are very envious and insecure. If you have great opportunities in your life to reach your dreams they will disrupt it on an energetic and physical level. I see a whole WORLD of opportunity open for you and the spiritual hands at be do love you.

Your current friend groups feel restrictive. You can't fully show up as yourself. I can tell you feel alone, isolated, and unloved, but that doesn't have to be the case forever.

With The Hanged Man in reverse at the bottom of the deck you are not showing up in your authenticity. The people around have probably told you that you are too loud, take up too much space, or something along those lines. To me you are bodacious in all meanings of the word (audacious, impressive, and attractive). These can be intimidating for a person who covets those traits but doesn't know how to embody it. While you might not believe me because your friends may be more conventionally attractive, go on dates, and seem outwardly courageous, the way they mistreat you goes to show how little they think of themselves and the pedestal they put you on because you are unapologetically you and there's now way to hide it. Their attempts to change you are to make your smaller and less remarkable.

Your Soul Family's Dynamic

First, I'd like to acknowledge that your soul family's energy is very vocal. And what I heard is that they are concerned about your well being.

CW - the next paragraph mentions suicidal ideation. Please skip the next paragraph if you are not in a place to consume this type of content.

For anyone experiencing suicidal ideation, your soul family genuinely wants to support you through this time. For those of you who can afford metal healthcare please invest in working with a licensed professional. If you cannot access a mental health provider please take some time to ground yourself through mediation, somatic yoga, affirmations etc. If you do have trustworthy people in your life reach out, but if not, I heard a tarot reading could be a way to connect with your soul families energy and bring you some reprieve (this reading does not have to be with me and is not a promotion of my services. It's genuinely what came through as a solution).

END OF CW

With The Hanged Man upright, you'll be in a position to be your truest self. Your soul family will naturally pull you out of your shell or help you unmask for those of you who are neurodivergent. Your soul family is a group of people who all outwardly express themselves differently. As a group you may not look like you make sense together or you all are very expressive in how you dress or show up in the world. Your soul family values being different and not obeying social norms. They may also have unconventional jobs in sex work, art, or a job you never knew existed.

With your soul family, you exist within The High Priestess energy. Your intuition is heightened, your independent, and you are working towards your own goals. Your not wrapped up in other peoples BS or missing out on your own life supporting someone else. Boundaries are respected and you can have your needs met. This High Priestess Upright card also represents not looking for more. You are satiated. Your are not looking for greener grass or needing to beg for your friends (and partner(s)) to provide what you need in the relationship. I also feel like you get to be a lot more selfish with your time and resources. To me, this indicates being with people who are a lot more self reliant then your previous friends (I initially wanted to say partners so maybe your soul family is less platonic and more polyamorous or you identify as aromantic/asexual. Alternatively, this could simply apply to both romantic and platonic relationships).

The Chariot upright, your soul family helps you get places they are the horses pulling you along. You and possibly several of your friends may be disabled. You all work together to get through the day. This could be helping each other clean, reminding each other of their responsibilities, etc. Basically, if you feel like you're doing everything alone and it's holding you back from living the life you desire, your soul family will make it so that is a more collaborative, community effort. These friends may also bring you into connection with a romantic partner.

Judgement upright indicates that these relationships will not only help you in the physical with The Chariot card, but on an energetic level. Having the support of your soul family will help you reach new heights and start on a new stage of your journey. You will be transforming a lot as a person in this group. Your soul family will also help you with decision making in a sense. If you are very indecisive as a trauma response, this will be healed through these connections.

With Justice upright, your soul family connection will not only feel balanced but the amount of love and support you receive will almost make you forget all the bullshit you went through. I think it will also help you value the relationships you have built with these people because you recognize how bad you used to have it. Your inner child will also be very excited for this relationship because it'll be the kind of friends you always wanted to play with as a kid. There's a lot of deep healing here.

With The Tower upright, these relationships will definitely deconstruct your old world view. Essentially, you have never experienced a love like this before and it will reshape how you see love. From this I see a romantic connection coming through with The Lovers Upright (you might meet at a house party/kickback). Overall your friendship is very harmonious.

Last thing I will note about your dynamic is that The Hierophant upright indicates you will be setting some new personal vales. Again touching on your new found ability to be decisive. This also may be more spiritual, so you could gain a better understanding of what you believe when it comes to your spirituality.

How to Evolve towards your Soul Family

If the Shoe Fits indicates you need to go where you are accepted. A lot of past relationships consisted of you bending and contorting yourself to be included in a group of people who don't love themselves let alone you. You'll know when you are moving towards the energy of your soul family when you go where you are wanted. When you are no longer seeking invites, but simply existing on your own. An aspect of this card is appreciating your uniqueness without muddling it down to fit into a box. You are not a "core" or aesthetic your a human being with a wide array of traits, quirks, and abilities. You'll be a lot more outwardly expressive through your clothes, speech, or something that is on public display. This could also be voicing opinions or unmasking if you are neurodivergent.

With Clear As a Bell following the previous card, you'll be in a space in your life where you don't feel bogged down by external factors. There's sense of freedom and openness in your life. Because of this, you'll have less room for BS from other people that you tolerated in the past. I'm having trouble putting this time into words, so you may not even notice when this is happening. It's a period in your life that will sneak up on you. What I can tell is that you'll be focusing on yourself and goin through a time of grounding. Reconnecting with your body through nature is highlighted here.

Fill Your Cup shows me that evolving towards your soul family requires you to invest in your own wellbeing through therapy, exercise, somatic healing, shadow work, hygiene, organizing, and other forms of self and healthcare. Like I said before, focusing on yourself and what you have going on will bring you closer to your soul family. Prioritize yourself and what you have going for you.

At the bottom of the deck there is Offerings. This card is double-sided. On one hand, you'll notice an uptick in opportunities and abundance, but on the other you will be asked to sacrifice valuable things in your life. While I say asked (and of course nothing will be forced on you) it will probably won't be the easiest to let go of. For example people, places, and things that no longer deserve to hold space in your life will start showing their a$$. This is a tell tale sign that you should pack up and move on.

Final Remarks

There's an airy playfulness not only to you but the life you will lead in the future. This is the energy you should look for in a friend group.

The first step is acknowledging that people have not been the best to you and then processing that. Then you can finally grieve the relationships you have never had but always wished you did.

It will be very clear that the people you consider your soul family are. There won't be hesitation or doubt. The relationships you build won't come with many setbacks. For example in your past relationships you could have fall in and out of contact with people or maybe had a argument early into the relationship or a third party disrupted your friendships.

Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!

Your Current Friend Group Dynamic

Immediately I felt as though your current friend group was in alignment with where you currently are in life. I think this is more how you feel and perceive them and less to do with the reality of the relationships you are in. You idolize your friends in ways they don't deserve. With Death being the first card for this reading, your current friend group has put an end to a lot of unhealthy cycles for you. Simultaneously, I am picking up on a codependent energy. While they may help you unlearn a some destructive perspectives from your past, they are teaching you just as many new ones. Your current platonic relationships consist of a group of people from all backgrounds. It seems as though there's a lot of people with different perspectives on life all connecting through a mutual experience or philosophy. This could be connections born from close proximity like roommates, coworkers, classmates, etc. While this group may be in alignment with you currently, I do not foresee these relationships being lifelong commitments. One thing I'll note is that I am picking up that you are very different from the people you currently hang out with. I don't think you realize it yet, but beyond the surface you will come to realize just how different you and your current friends are. I see this taking years to accumulate and present itself to you.

With The World following the previous card, this is apart of your life journey. These current relationships are there for a reason and you are currently exactly where you need to be. While this may sound positive, it's really a neutral outlook. Your current relationships aren't bad or good. There's an energy of indifference. I just heard "good for now." Enjoy the people you are currently around. Cherish the time you spend together and what you have gained from them being in your life while they are there. When it's time to le t go, be open to leaving these relationships behind even if they haven't been "bad" to you in the physical.

With The Fool on the bottom of the deck, I think you are oblivious to the true intentions of the people around you. You're moving to the beat of your own drum and taking things as they come. People around you are definitely not in that energy. I see people being envious of this energy you have and investing a lot of energy in seeing you fall.

The vibe of your friend group is very trickstery and they almost convinced me they were not of harm in the current moment, but they definitely are. Please leave the people you are currently around immediately. If you are in forced close proximity due to being roommates or something like that, create distance, spend less time with them, and create relationships outside of this group. Someone(s) trying to control you and keep you to themselves.

What I picked up earlier in the reading may be true. You might be in alignment with this energy, but I don't think you want to be. I think this might be the first time you have had a friend group that feels even halfway decent. The trickster energy might even be coming from you in some aspects. I think you are disregarding A LOT of red flags in these relationships. You have never not been mistreated so being mistreated less feels good. To you it seems like normal arguments because at least it's not as explosive as before. It may be subtle but it is deadly.

These people are definitely blocking the right people from entering your life.

Your Soul Family's Dynamic

With Death reversed, this dynamic will be an opposing reflection of the relationships your currently in. For example, where your current friends may be all about dressing super nice for superficial trendy reasons, your soul family will dress up because it makes them fell good and is representation of who they are. Your current friends are very performative and egotistical, whereas your soul family is pleasure based and is motivated by their internal compass instead of external gaze.

The Empress indicates that your soul family is a community. No one person is the "leader" or better than the rest of the group. I feel as though your soul family pulls its resources together into a community library of source. if there's something someone needs one or all of you are willing to lend it. Similar to Pile One, your soul family is not seeking anything more than what they currently have. They are satisfied with the relationships they have built and are more focused on cultivating one they have than looking for greener grass. There's an openness to new opportunities with your soul family, but you wait for the opportunities to arise instead of spending time searching for them constantly.

Temperance only further proves that you soul family is a group of people who call it by ear and coat with the circumstances they are given. There's a playful balance and a skillful maneuvering of abundance within this family. With temperance, I see your soul family is appreciative of your fool energy. Instead of looking to manipulate this playful, naive, and optimistic personality you have, your soul family embodies these attributes as well. This brings a lot of luck and positivity to you all.

How to Evolve towards your Soul Family

You'll connect with your soul family's energy when you stop constantly searching for the next big thing. I think it eats you up inside not to be where you want to be or experience setbacks, but it's okay to slowly ease int the life you want or take a turn for something better because you have the capacity to take it on because you were going slow enough to change course.

With Fill Your Cup, you should dedicate energy to uplifting yourself. With Plie 1, this was about self-care, mindfulness, and health. For this pile, I see you should invest in your education. Learn what it means to be in healthy interpersonal relationships, but also improve your technical skills in your your hobbies/career. I think you all should take time to cultivate a strong sense of self. What do you like and dislike, what's acceptable or what's not, and what are you seeking and does it actually interest you.

Final Remarks

MAJOR shadow work needs to be done in this group. Literally had a breakdown reading into this energy xD Please write, talk, move whatever you are dealing with out of your body.

YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY AND NOT HAVE YOUR FEELINGS HURT BY THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU!

There is a funky energy around you. Please heal and protect yourself from harm when & how you can

There's a person around you either love bombing you or just very aggressive with how the try and get close to you. Your relationships should unfold overtime. They are faking closeness to misguide you

Your current friend(s) do not see you in high regard. They think your easily manipulated or just flat out not smart

If you are seeing this and this pile truly resonated with you, there's an opportunity for you to leave your current friendships before it blows up in your face. Creating distance and not making long-term commitments to the people you are currently around would be a smart move based on the energy I am picking up. When you avoid a sticky situation, you'll never know what was wrong or out of alignment with your energy. You just have to take that leap of faith and trust that you made the right choice.

Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!

Your Current Friend Group Dynamic

I didn't get a card for this question, but it seems to me you don't have friends. It's interesting because the image of your group makes me thinking of having an imaginary friend. Maybe you're a frequent or maladaptive daydreamer. You might have acquaintances or people you talk to but no real bonds with these people. On an emotional level you feel very distant from most of your peers and general environment. I'm hearing this could also be a one-sided dynamic between you an other people. A majority of you are giving your best into "friendships" you have but the people you are trying to build relationships with don't seem to show an interest in any offers you make. This might also be in the reverse where someone(s) is trying to be your friend and you keep shutting them down.

Overall, you are alone or alone adjacent. I'm also picking up on a defeated spirit.

Your Soul Family's Dynamic

Your soul family's dynamic is sort of elusive. The best way I can describe it is as an empty beach with big crashing waves. It makes me think of that one scene from My Sister's Keeper. Your soul family might have disabilities both visible and invisible. /i think internalized ableism is going to be something you unpack with your real friends. You might also live together for an extended period of time. I think you'll start as friends and then become roommates and start to feel like a family. There's probably four people in this group but two in particular stick out. One has a very goth presentation while the other seems more generic or "normal." I am also picking up on the city of San Francisco and living in a duplex with one of those rounded windows. I'm also seeing a queer flag hanging on the wall like a tapestry. Your house with them isn't messy but definitely lived in. The vibe is an mid-2000s romance/drama. Also everyone in the group is pretty young. I think you'll meet in your mid to late 20s.

How to Evolve towards your Soul Family

Your evolution doesn't require steps. It's more of just keep hanging on. Like giving up is an option that I think you very eagerly want to take, but the only way to get to these people is by sitting through the bullshit and waiting for it to get sorted. Basically, you need to build up your endurance. If there were any steps to take it would be to fill your time with something until they come along. Hobbies, binge watching TV, sports. doesn't really matter as long as it keeps your from ruminating in scary (possibly self-harm ideation) thoughts.

Final Remarks

From the very start f this reading I can tell that this collective is very dissociative. Please look into professional counseling or seeking out grounding rituals that will tether you to your reality.

You're loveable now your just not in a loving environment

There's emphasis on not changing. Don't alter your values or change your standards in hopes it will speed up the process. It won't.

Doing stuff for the plot is fine, but be safe. You may have a self-destructive pattern that puts you in harms way (specifically with romantic/sexual encounters) Be wary of people who view you as a sexual being and nothing else

ENJOY YOURSELF. There is no point in being sad for your entire wait. If it makes you happy do it.

Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!

Your Current Friend Group Dynamic

Your current friend group seems curated. Almost as if you handpicked them to serve a specific purpose in your life. While this a great strategy for networking and building a career, it doesn't carry the depth of genuine connection. You may still be picking friends based on who your parents or some authority figure would approve of. I almost feels as though your "friends" have to be impressive asf (on paper) to run in your circle. This may even transfer into physical beauty and expecting your friends to meet a certain standard. While I think you are satisfied with your friend group from a certain perspective, it doesn't have long lasting impact. Do you feel like your relationships are lacking? It might be missing sincerity. These transactional relationships lack reciprocity. Both you and who you are in relation with expect some compensation for every good deed from rides to the airport to venting about a shitty ex.

Your Soul Family's Dynamic

Your soul family is supportive. They show up. They aren't looking for anything in return accept your love and affection. Your soul family is trusting. They don't look for the evil in everyone. These people genuinely have an optimistic outlook on life and believe people are "good" at their core. I'm picking up Gemini energy so you might be a group of talkers. There's also two sides of your groups dynamic. On one side you are supportive and hold deep conversation while on the other you have fun an goofy conversations. I see a minimalist apartment in a city that's candle lit for some kind of dinner party or game night. Your soul family has a seriousness about them. You might all excel in your fields and still be impressive on paper but that's not WHY your friends.

How to Evolve towards your Soul Family

To reach your soul family start by living your life without expecting to get hurt. I also feel like you like to play games with people and test them. That won't serve you when you engage with people who are genuine. You have to learn how to trust and lean into what feels right. I also suggest gaining an understanding of when your body is aligned to people and places. Instead of testing people you can simply check-in with how you feel and make choices from your internal world instead of external.

Final Remarks

Hang out with people who look different. Add some diversity to your circle

Your need for perfection is impacting your ability to make true connections. Unpack how you force yourself to meet impossible standards and how that might be bleeding over into other relationships

Give back to others. Your energy is very self serving and there isn't much space for other people in the picture

STOP GIVING A F*CK

Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!

Your Current Friend Group Dynamic

Your current friend group seems like it's a group of people who feel counter-culture but perpetuate the same systems they feel oppressed by. You may be surrounded by (or you are as well) people who describe themselves as "haters." While critiquing harmful systems and practices there's a point where is becomes obsessive. Are you and your friends pointing out how a trend or style is appropriative or are you just bullying "normies." When n your not hating or sticking your nose in other peoples lives what are you doing? Is any of it meaningful to you? Does it feed your soul?

This one is a bit harsh, but this isn't an easy thing to hear about yourself of your friends. Please keep in mind I am in no way judging your character. This is just the energy I am picking up.

I suggest taking note of how much your current friends talk about random people and the choices they are making. When you remove the comedic timing and social justice lens is it a critique or is it just liberal bullying? You might also notice that the same things they claim t hate may be perfectly fine when they do it.

Your Soul Family's Dynamic

Your soul family is nonjudgmental. They don't spend much time focused on the actions of others. Your soul family dynamic is more focused on pleasure and giving back. Instead of making sly comments about things they dislike, they have a strong sense of morals that they do their best to uphold in daily life. Essentially, they lead by example. When I see your soul family, I see a backyard garden. one that you all share. I also see your soul family as people who do random acts of kindness just because they can. I'm not sure how you all will interact with each other but you all seem very focused on making the world a better place. I think you all enjoy the simplicity of life: reading books, walking, and looking at trees.

How to Evolve towards your Soul Family

You need to do a thorough assessment of who you are surrounded by. Are you oblivious to the true intentions of your current friends? Are you perpetuating harmful behaviors that aren't aligned with who you want to be? You might also be lacking in abundance. That's a clear indication that the vibes are off and you need to plant yourself in a more nourishing environment. If this reading resonates, it's likely your close friends are sending you evil eye, engaging in one-sided competition with you, or just genuinely could careless about your wellbeing. To evolve to you soul family, stop running from loneliness. If you spend time alone, you'll probably discover a lot about yourself and be able to see your current relationships from a new perspective. You might even come up with a solution to your abundance problems.

Final Remarks

Love yourself enough to sit with your own thoughts

Your current relationships come off as codependent. Do any of your friends have anything going for them or do you all just fill up each others time to avoid dealing with your problems

The nature of your soul family with become clearer as you spend time deciding what YOU want from life

Do you even like your friends as people? Like sure they are funny but are they people who are nice?

Don't let someone else's problem become yours

Did you enjoy the reading? Please give me feedback! If you'd like to book a reading, I have Cameos for $15 here and written readings for various prices here. Find more PACs here!

#pac tarot #pac #tarot pac #tarot reading #tarotblr #junkbby kow #soul family #platonic #shadow work #Spotify

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moii3 · 2 months ago

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My Candy Love New Gen Episode 8- Little Review&Commentary

!Spoilers Ahead!

I'm not that excited while writing this review today because I honestly feel like a lot of people clocked beemov's ass really fast in regards to how innapropriate this whole story was and i respect the good points ppl made. I don't know how much i can add to this discussion then you guys.

No matter how much some members of the fandom might imply we are being dramatic or harsh in our opinions, i don't agree with them at all. And i want a little round of applause to y'all for not letting this slide.

Devon and Thomas are the two characters that change the story's direction in the way of Ysaline choosing to go with them (everyone but Amanda basically) to try to spy on Roy.

I honestly didn't have any opinion about Devon prior to this but being on Thomas's route currently, this whole thing pissed me off. I really think Thomas has a pretty privilege or something because imagine if there was a guy in your office (well, two guys) that suggested you go spy on your naked coworker and they weren't conventionally attractive 😭 Wouldn't you be more creeped off? Just goes to show attractive people be getting away with everything.

Thomas being possibly/probably being neurodivergent has been discussed here before but like, the comments he made and the way he acted was not it. Grown adults acting like spies.

Devon being their boss and still doing that shit to his supposed "friend" was also an hr nightmare.

Amanda won my heart in this episode by having some sense to refuse to go. Everyone acting like she is so stuck up was the only realistic part of this episode tbh. Feeling like you are the only sane person in a work setting is real.

Also beemov making Amanda openly imply this whole idea is off putting and innapropriate makes this whole thing worse. Like you knew what you were doing& how it might have been recieved by writing this.

I played the whole thing towards Thomas's illu to see what happens&how bad the episode went. As i predicted, we didn't see him naked (of course...) and i was relieved this shit didn't get more out of pocket.

Also when it comes to the special scene&illustration, i agree with people saying our romance is moving a little too fast. Like i'm not shaming anyone who says they love quick-paced heated romance stories or games. Nor do i shame people who say they would move fast like this with their date/crush irl. Honestly everyone can do whatever they want as long as they are safe. You do you.

But like is it that crazy not to expect Ysaline being naked in front of the guy she have known for only a few weeks, without not even properly kissing him? (the one on ep 7 doesn't count, come on.)

MCL games usually have more classic slowburn romance elements and i didn't expect this.

I wish i played Amanda's route before but seeing im on this journey with Thomas, i think he has an issue with personal boundaries and this is gonna be pretty interesting..

welp

i think we should start chasing cishet men around with baseball bats.

Elenda and Brune agreeing to go with these freaks..

Stand up queens..

I usually put more illustrations&more commentary to these but i don't feel like this one is going to be long.

There is a month left for the next one so, until next time

xoxo

#my candy love new gen #mcl new gen #mcl ng #mclng #mclng spoilers #amour sucre #amour sucre new gen #my candy love

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mirageofadesert · 8 months ago

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Give me more morally gray characters ...

Let me interrupt my regular program for a brief rant about Downton Abbey and Thomas Barrow… well, not really regular as I've been too busy to watch anything with subtitles for the past few weeks. Instead, I passively binged on Downton Abbey while working.

I love morally gray characters, be it Tantai Jin from TTEOTM or Spike from Buffy. One of my favorite characters is Thomas Barrow from Downton Abbey. (Spoiler Alert, TW // suicide, homophobia, conversion therapy)

Thomas is everything I need in a character ... unhinged, angsty and gay.

I loved him from the first rude line to the last. He starts out as a delightful troublemaker with a cruel streak born of fear, hurt and the desire to be respected, fit in and belong. He is, as Baxter understands so well, his own worst enemy, having perfected self-sabotage over the years.

A supporting character for most of the show, the footman-turned-butler's story is usually prioritized over his character development - meaning the writers know where they want him to end up each season, even if it contradicts previous characterizations. This leaves the audience with a character who can be hard to follow at times.

The writing really got on my nerves at times. From conveniently forgetting his medical training when they want him to despair during his job hunt, to pulling any kind of cunning out of him when they want him to appear changed (and depressed), Thomas is always what the showrunners need him to be, but not necessary what would make sense for his character. I'm still annoyed that they made him go through medical torture in the form of conversion therapy and a suicide attempt, and then glossed over these traumatic incidents in favor of boring other storylines. Or how they portrayed his war injury as an act of cowardice rather than desperation.

What I love about him is that he was still a coherent character who remained a morally gray character (the last film aside, because they sort of forgot to give him any of his character traits back). Thomas would still lash out when he was angry or hurt, would still manipulate others for his own gain, and would still feel wronged by the world. Once the world has brought him to his knees, he understands that he has only himself to blame, and he tries to do better - which has its ups and downs. The Thomas we see in the final and in the films still wants to belong, is still a desperate romantic, but he is also so incredibly insecure in a rather endearing way.

Younger Thomas was rather stiff but dignified, trying to appear immaculate, trying to hide the fact that he felt he was anything but. Once the mask comes off, he goes from being a reluctant cat to being full of nervous puppy energy. As a neurodivergent person who has recently struggled with not being able to masks well, I can relate a little too much to this version of Thomas.

Most characters, that start out as villains, either change completely (like Tantai Jin), their behavior will be excused (like Mo Ran or Spike) or they sacrifice themselves for the greater good to redeem themselves (like Spike). Thomas stays more on less morally gray. We understand the reasons better, why he would lash out at others, and we can feel sorry for him. He had a harder life than most, but that still does not undo the harm he has done to others.

All in all, the last film was a bit of a disappointment for me, mainly because a lot of the characters felt a bit off. I had to watch the film twice to get behind the romance with Guy Dexter. What Guy meets is Thomas desire to be respected as a person, to be seen as worthwhile, to escape the life as decorative wallpaper and to finally have a romantic relationship with someone that is rather enthusiastic about him. A lot of their relationships seems to have developed off-screen, based on Guy knowing who Carson was during his proposal and understanding how uncertain Thomas still feels about his role in the household. I wish them well - but not at the expense of Thomas being excluded from the rumoured 3rd film. I hope it takes place in the USA and we get to see him again!

I really wish we would see more morally gray characters like this, even through a quick look into the fandom of Downton Abbey shows me, that not everybody can handle it.

#downton abbey #thomas barrow

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cain-speaks · 5 months ago

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LMK Season 5 Animation Analysis

basically just me rambling about how i feel about the animation. i'm not going to talk about plot but i tagged spoilers just in case :3

First, to put it bluntly:

No, I do not like the look of season 5. The movement of the characters is regularly stiff and slow, the character proportions are odd, lines are oddly angled instead of smooth (like the monkey tails), you can tell they're still adjusting to how LMK does character lighting, and it's not as flashy and fun in my opinion. I think some of the sound design was a little weird this season, too (in EP3, Wukong busting a giant hole in the wall makes like no noise? Just seems weird to me). The space cracks are oddly... solid, if that makes sense? In season 4 they appeared much more delicate, while in this season they're, in a way, heavy? Also, this is certainly a personal irk, but the blended style for the tears? Not a fan. I could be misremembering, but Flying Bark made them crisp.

Having said that, it's not nearly as bad as I (and others, I imagine) thought it would have looked, judging from the trailer. Part of this is probably because they reused a lot of animation from previous seasons; which, by the way, isn't bad, it saves time and I'm sure it's a lifesaver while they're learning. It's just... obvious. Very obvious, especially because you can tell they did it more this season than Flying Bark did.

I've watched some clips from Carmen Sandiego because I think it's one of Wild Brain's most recent shows, and I think you can see the similarities. I didn't watch a lot, but it seems to me that characters are less expressive with their body language and more stagnant. They also don't seem to be super facially expressive to me, but like I said, I didn't watch a lot. Now, Carmen is a beautifully animated show! But it's different. And different's not bad, it's just... hard. Unsatisfying and disappointing, currently. Flying Bark's style, in my opinion, had the characters constantly moving. Whether it was a tail twitching, a position shift, a little expression in the background, they were moving. And they moved fluently and quickly. It really made the characters feel alive. I THINK it's also a different between puppet animation and frame-by-frame animation but don't quote me on that.

ANYWAY all of that is to say that yes, there are visible differences and they're upsetting. I hold LMK very near and dear to my heart as I'm sure many of us do, so as thrilled as I am to have season 5, it does hurt a bit.

HOWEVER.

Wild Brain isn't responsible for that. Flying Bark had a learning curve just in season 1 vs season 2. We have to give the new studio TIME to grow and adapt to the style. It's really unfortunate because now we have what feels like a very crudely animated season that I just know would have been better with the style we all know and love, but hopefully there will be more seasons, they'll get better, and we'll realize that this is just a blip in our hopefully long lives.

And to the neurodivergents: you are valid, we are valid. God knows I loathe change. I was really hoping the studio change was just a misunderstanding, but unfortunately it's not. LMK's visual aspect is important. If you decide to leave the show behind, that's okay! If you don't, welcome to the ship I'm trying to keep afloat!

Back to everybody now. Your decision is yours; don't let others make you feel bad about leaving or sticking with the show and most DEFINITELY do not lash out at the studio, because istg if the show gets cancelled from backlash I'll jump off a bridge (/dramatic).

Anyway idk if this is really an analysis. But it's something! Less than 4 days for the english dub, whoop whoop!

#cain speaks #lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid season 5 #lego monkie kid spoilers #monkie kid #lmk #lmk season 5 #lmk spoilers #flying bark studios #wild brain studios #me writing as if the masses are gonna read this and not just like 6 ppl LMAO

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adamnablelittledevil · 4 months ago

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Just finished Part I of The Vampire Lestat and here are my first impressions (I skipped IWTV *for now* since the show has already covered it... I'll read it eventually):

I can't tell yet if I like it or not.

So far, I enjoy the concept and the characters seem to be compelling. In terms of eventfulness, there hasn't been much, but I do have some interest in these people. They all appear to be complicated and have a lot of baggage, which I guess makes them appealing and gives the story potential. Let's see where this goes.

I don't hate, but I also don't love Anne's writing style. I don't think she narrates and describes things very well, she lingers on stuff I don't care that much for and doesn't provide details on things I'm actually curious about? There are some abrupt changes that annoy me sometimes as well.

I do believe this might be an attempt to get ourselves in the mind of Lestat and how he process to the world around him, though? It would make sense considering how chaotic he is.

Another thing I like is how he got so obsessed with the 20th Century, music and theater. The descriptions really give me the idea of someone experiencing the world for the first time (in a while) and considering how isolated he was growing up or after everything that happened with Louis/Claudia, it makes sense that he is so fascinated by all these discoveries. And it's really immersive and sweet to see how he in awe he is with all of it.

He also speaks like he is somebody born in the 1700s. So I give her credits for that as well.

Pretty sure Lestat is neurodivergent at this point (ADHD is basically a yes from me, maybe he has dyslexia and/or autism too).

And his memory is trash. So often he doesn't know if he actually did something, or if it were someone else, or if it was just a thought... I'm like, ARE YOU OKAY (he isn't)? By the way, this is painfully relatable because I also have poor short (and long-term) memory. Heaven help him (and moi).

That boy is a water sign if I've ever seen one.

He cries A LOT. I don't remember ever seeing any (book/show/movie) character cry that much, specially in such a short time lol. And the fact this is coming from a man and not a woman... There you go with defying gender norms, king!

Lestat having Borderline Personality Disorder isn't even a headcanon at this point, but a FACT.

He probably hasn't been hugged enough times in his life and it SHOWS.

Even with the abuse in his family, his frustration with his mother and the "malady of mortality", he manages to stay optimistic in a way that feels so childlike and naive that makes my heart warm and ache for him. I'm like, you deserve better.

Again, I don't know if I'm enjoying or not, but I do like the fact I can imagine Sam's Lestat doing all of this on season 3. Picturing Sam bringing these moments to life is the BEST PART of the reading.

Would I still read these books if the show never existed? That's what I need to find out.

I can see why some people got so invested in this character, though. At least for now. Some stuff hit close to home and I find myself rooting for him. I imagine that for the ones who read it at as a teenager, it must've made them feel less alone and seen to some extent.

At this moment, it's Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicholas for me.

Lestat's father isn't a person I care about, but depending on how the show adapts him, I guess it could be a good opportunity for a blind actor. It would be killing two birds with one stone, because it would develop Lestat's backstory, but also give space for a category that barely gets any job in the industry. I would love to see a powerful guest star that is a an actual disabled person playing a disabled character. Sure, we would hate him, but if someone manages to show their potential, book more roles and maybe even earn an award or nomination, why not?

Whenever Lestat talks about kissing his mother I get confused if the incest is already happening or not lol. Because I normally would just imagine a platonic kiss on the cheek or forehead and I haven't seen anything explicitly inappropriate. I don't know if it's because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version, or if Anne wasn't that clear, or maybe I'm slow and naive, but nothing big seems to have happened? But I'm familiar with those spoilers, so... Anyway, whatever. It's not like I was counting the days to read about incest, so I don't really care about it being evident or not. I just mean that for now they seem to be more of a "parent that didn't want kids, but cares for him in a distant, but still real way and child that seeks for any crumbs of love and affection" kind of relationship.

Speaking of that, Lestat is SO DESPERATE for love, omg. Nicki was basically the first person besides his mother that was nice to him and he told the guy ALL OF HIS LIFE STORY AND FELL IN LOVE almost immediately? Get up!

Peak BPD/ADHD/maybe autistic/water sign/Scorpio behavior. MY GOD.

Still don't know how to picture Gabrielle and who I fancast playing her. I do think I have some sense of who she is now, which is nice. I also have some actors that could pass for Sam's parent and have the appropriate age to play her in my mental library, but I can't form a face yet. Not the face of a real actress or even an imaginary face, it's just a blur so far. Which sucks because I loooooooooove imagining fancasts, specially for a show as great as this one, but I'm just waiting for the revelation to come to me lmao.

#interview with the vampire #the vampire lestat #lestat de lioncourt #gabrielle de lioncourt #nicolas de lenfent

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year ago

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I know a lot of people feel in their early days, Jimin was kinda heavy-handed with his attention on Jungkook, but I think Jimin acted that way primarily for Jungkook's benefit. I mean it's clear Jimin has cared for Jungkook deeply since debut but I feel the way he displayed it, so loudly and sometimes almost obnoxiously, acted as a key stabilizing and assuring force for JK in an environment that could've easily overwhelmed him.

This is a fresh take on the whole dynamic. I’ve never thought of it from this perspective or never seen anyone else point it out. Is it a popular thought? I felt that Jimin was only playing the extremely manly flirty character that he was asked to play and it’s the popular theory too. Tho’ it wasn’t sitting well because this is the same guy who gave JHope his fan letters and questioned stereotypes and was ok with wearing a pink dress in AHL etc etc.

***

Yeah… I’m not sure I can call it a theory, not to talk of if it's popular. It’s just how I saw them at the time, and it still feels consistent with how I’ve seen their interactions and relationship progress.

Jimin had his role to play in the group just as they all did. That’s true. But I also think, with what we know of Jungkook’s personality and their environment, their relationship could be easily explained, considering.

I mean, let’s think about it. The idol industry is incredibly fast-paced, hectic beyond what anyone can imagine, Jungkook was still in school when they debuted and had to juggle their activities with his classes. We know that when Jimin was still in school, he’d wake up at 6:30 AM and then after school, practice till around 2:30 AM before going to bed. We know from jikook’s words that Jungkook was often with him for some of this time, sometimes even sleeping with him in the practice room. So, JK was putting in work too, perhaps not to the same levels Jimin did, but Jungkook was also younger than him. All the guys had big responsibilities already, and it’s clear from footage in their early days that all of them were all just trying to stay afloat mentally, physically, and otherwise.

In that sort of environment, at that period of Jungkook’s development, with his age and what I suspect to be possible neurodivergent traits, it would’ve been very easy for him to get swept away, in a sense. To become overwhelmed and 'detach', develop unhealthy coping habits and such. Jungkook is someone who by his own admission, needs a lot of love. All the members made sure to keep an eye on him, but Jimin seemed to take it upon himself to love Jungkook, loudly. To shower him with attention as though to remind him, "I see you", "I'm watching you", "I'm in your corner always and I'm here for you".

Jimin obviously loved and cared for Jungkook back then, and it was mutual, but the way he went about showing it was one of the biggest indications of his emotional intelligence, to me. He was mocked for how he appeared to be all over Jungkook, the members too would make fun of him, but I don't think he was stupidly, blindly 'in love'. At least not quite at that point. I think he showed remarkable awareness of his own emotions, Jungkook's needs, and the environment they were in. And Jimin used all of that to his advantage and to Jungkook's benefit because it served the purpose of emotionally assuring JK, while improving JK's profile within the group (people look more desirable when it seems other people desire them), further building his confidence.

It's remarkable to me that before they debuted when Jungkook got overwhelmed and said he wanted to quit BTS to become a company dancer, the person he went to with that worry was Jimin. Jimin who was the last trainee to join their agency - so, a relatively recent addition to the group. That, to me, shows one way their bond was already quite deep, even back then, a connection that I think Jimin was intentional on developing with Jungkook. When they had their infamous rainy day fight, when all the other members sort of tossed their hands in the air after letting loose on JK, it sticks out to me that the breaking point for Jungkook was Jimin telling him, "You know what, do whatever you like. I won't care for you anymore."

Jimin's presence in Jungkook's life can't be overstated. I think over time, as Jungkook grew up and matured, he recognized how integral Jimin was to him, began to better acknowledge Jimin's needs as well and their relationship became deeper, more reciprocal and balanced. And that's how we ended up with GCF in Tokyo, as an example. I also feel this 'dance' of recognizing each other's needs and loving each other in-line with their personal boundaries, is an ongoing process for them.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook

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lycanthropyreturned · 2 months ago

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Human Emotions and Alterhumanity; Personal experiences and general discussion

First of all I wanted to apologize for my sudden absence, life is in full swing this fall and I am currently in the process of moving! While it's a fun step in my life, it's a time consuming one.

Now to the topic at hand. Alterhumanity has throughly impacted my life, not just through how I identify but how I perceive the world and others. This includes how I process my emotions and other's as well.

I have always questioned why I didn't understand certain things to human life. I have never found the fun in substances such as alcohol or drugs, I have never found myself attractive, and I have never understood the love that people have for man-made items.

While some of these can one-hundred percent be attributed to my neurodivergence, I also see my alterhumanity as a form of that. After all, my experiences with nonhumanity are mostly all psychological.

I was confused when people spoke about attractiveness, and when people talked about drinking and other activities. I was confused both as to why humans revere these things and why I- who unfortunately am inherently human- did not understand.

It was only recently in the past two years I realized why these things confused nor appeal to me. I am wired differently. I am wired on mother nature and the call of the wild, not the human nature of vain and technology.

And while I won't deny that there are times where I experience human nature- such as vain- it doesn't mean I understand them to their true extent. And that is because I am simply not human.

Think about it. Wolves don't find themselves physically attractive. They don't look into the reflection of the water and think "wow I'm looking good today". In fact they probably don't even understand their reflection at all. When I realized this, it just made too much sense to me. Of course I didn't understand all human natures, I am not one of them.

So what happens when a wolf experiences human emotions? No good thing, I'll tell you that. A lot of confusion and fear. It takes me longer than most to understand my own emotions, and to process them. At times this can put me into situations that are less than enjoyable, I won't deny that.

Human emotions are complicated. The human brain itself is fascinating, in which therianthropy and alterhumanity stem from that itself. It is genuinely so intriguing how the human brain can take such things and change someone's entire life with it. But with a little wolf brain- one designed to only the simplest of urges, these emotions can be overwhelming.

I've learned overtime to let myself have moments to process emotions much better. To get into the "human mind" portion of myself and to be logical. It takes time and effort, but in the end it does pay off. I won't lie and say I wish I was fully a wolf all the time- I enjoy the fact I am human most days, and have these experiences and opportunities. And that's alright.

When people say being non-human is so much more than an identity, it means things like this. It means not understanding the human world and facing it even when we don't want to. It means trying to learn and pick up on human cues- only mimicking because we are used to such simpler communications. It means looking at the world in such a different lense that no one else could begin to understand.

And that's one of the many beauties of alterhumanity, therianthropy, and all those labels. Not one person can have the same experience- and they are all accepted. I can talk to as many therians as I want and not one may have the same experience. The terms themselves are so vague in definition that it can encompass such a large category of people. And I find that fascinating and beautiful. It is one of the reasons why I still consider myself an alterhuman educator. The human mind- and non-human mind- fascinate and intrigue my animal nature.

While we are inherently physically and somewhat mentally human, the animal mind is within everyone. That animal mind that works on the simplest of urges and emotions, the one that gets overwhelmed at the complications of human life. And sometimes we have to learn from that animal mind, and that is more than okay. Sometimes the opposite applies to someone and they learn from their human mind, and that's also more than okay, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

I think that many folks in the community believe it's a bad thing to still inherently know they are human, which can lead these people down a more dangerous mental path. I believe that we need a balance within our lives, even if one outweighs the other- we still need moments in time where there is equality.

#alterhuman #alterhumanity #lycanthropy #nonhuman #nonmedical lycanthropy #therian #therianthropy #lycanthrope #otherkin #therian community #kin #otherkinity #alterhuman blog

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qoldenskies · 16 days ago

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I just finished binge reading your fanfiction and WOW. I have no words. (Actually I have a lot of words but I digress.)

First of all, objectively speaking, the writing is PHENOMENAL. I feel like this is just standard praise but I truly do mean it when I say that it’s GOOD. Like—good-good. There’s a nice use of evocative language and a blend of “complex” (rather I’d argue descriptive) verbs and adjectives, and also, the speaker tags are AMAZING. I personally struggle with using the “said” speaker tag too much and I notice many fic authors do too so it’s not a major grievance of mines (if any grievance,) but when it came to reading caged lungs the speaker tags were always new and very very (that’s two verys,) contextually sound. Like you did your research. I was on call with a friend praising your work and it really truly does stand strong after finishing the whole thing (as to date. you know?) . Not sure if this was intentional but I did notice the speaker tag “crowed” show up a lot, and it’s really ironic considering the motifs of being a bird in a cage, (I LOVED the analogies by the way, about how a caged bird was better than a dead bird and -oh my gosh!!! It’s just SO good!!!!!) and crows are..well…….birds. Also find it nice that you use CROWED out of all of them in the context of things—yes, I do know why—to make a comparison to a crows cawing and their vocal inflection HOWEVER, crows, as the animal, are clever and smart but social animals. They’re very quick witted and remember when they’ve been wronged. They’ll let their crow buddies know and it’s just a whole thing. I just really liked that detail even if it was completely unintentional. Also the tonal shift really hit me in the SHIN here. Going from Leo saying “peedrunner.” With no hesitation to —the absolutely heinous stuff (/pos) that I read is so JARRING but it works well in your favor. Speaking of jarring!!! REPETITION! You used repetition so masterfully in your work it was making me ANXIOUS to read it. It’s so. Tastefully done. Well done. I love this.

That’s in terms of writing though, in terms of the STORY!??? AWESOME AS WELL. Holy shit. You really just boiled Donnie down right to his bare characteristics, his weaknesses, it was . CRAZY.(in a good way.) the juxtaposition of everything with Donnie v. Which town and this whole fic is. So good. Good feels like such a redundant word to use. Spectacular? Stupendous? Prodigious? Savant-esque? You get the gist.

This is also a more personal reason why I like this, but autism is depicted so so so well in this. Idk if you’re autistic YOURSELF and it would honestly make so much sense but either way—thank.you. This is such an amazing depiction of how debilitating autism can be and it really spoke with my own experiences. 10/10 fic. I only have minor criticisms but otherwise this is beautiful. You are an insanely talented author and I can tell you put in the EFFORT to perfect your craft and it is worth it. I was up till 4 am reading it and it was well worth it.

AWHHHH THANK YOU!!!! some repeating words/phrases are intentional and others arent, im just an amateur writer and i notice stuff like that happening accidentally, but i will accept happy accidents!!! o7 i love when people read into my work and talk about the metaphors/symbolism mwah mwah mwah (i also do love that line about how caged birds still sing and dead ones dont...... oooh that says so much about how donnie operates in CL imo)

and ive mentioned it before but *TO MY KNOWLEDGE* i'm not autistic!! i have a brother that is (who is very similar to donnie actually) and i have a lot of overlapping behavior as someone with adhd, so i put a lot of personal experience into the way that i write neurodivergence (particularly in the fear of being too sensitive, or being unable to take jokes, since i grew up with a lot of that kind of bs leveraged at me) and made sure to be tactical when i wrote things i dont personally experience. its really good to hear it resonated, im glad!!! ^w^

this is such a nice ask thank you so much!!!!! was an absolute joy to wake up to haha

#ask #canary continuity

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fountainpenguin · 2 months ago

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i know youve mentioned that the dimmadomes have adhd but are there other characters in your fics that are neurodivergent? :0 if that makes sense

It's not usually mentioned in-story, but here are some that have shown up in my writing:

Humans

- You brought up the Dimmadomes having ADHD/OCD comorbidity. They're some of my favorites just in terms of me developing those headcanons somewhat separately for each one of them... starting with Dale, not Dev, actually. But Dev was a logical conclusion afterwards.

Detail I think is cute: Both Dale and Dev like Sims games because they like building nice, organized things that are under their control (Yes, Dev does have a computer in his bedroom and I imagine he uses it mostly for games). Dev likes cleaning and organizing simulators. Dale played a LOT of Sims during the 50 years of frozen time. I like to think Sims was an awakening for teen Dale in terms of same-sex relationships, but he will never, ever tell you that. Come to think of it, there's no way boy x boy manga-loving Dev is not also exploring same-sex relationships through his Sims world. Like father, like son?

Realizing how funny it would be if Doug had ADHD and OCD and that's why he jumps from one business to another and why his dream in "Mooooving Day" is a suburbia of people dressed in identical outfits living in identical houses in many identical rows still has me on the floor. I'm sorry, I just think my realization of that when I'd already headcanoned both Dale and Dev with ADHD/OCD was extremely funny. Big "Wait a minute" lightbulb moment.

Dale has several interesting things we could talk about, and they're discussed in detail in the character profile I'm posting for him next week. On his list are complex PTSD, hypervigilance, and dissociation. He also has misophonia as part of his OCD (and so does Dev).

- My OC Hadley Harrington also has ADHD/OCD comorbidity. Her big thing is hoarding OCD. I discussed it more in her character profile and we saw it in action in "50 Words of Dev and Hazel," where Dev dug through his mom's stuff to rescue an au pair that had been crushed under her hoard.

In that story, Dale told Dev he was allowed to go to a Christmas party with his peers as long as he brought back some of their wrapping paper so Dale could wrap Hadley's present. She actually likes her presents when they're made of scraps because the recycling helps her feel better than paper being wasted, plus she thinks it looks fun in videos, and Dale knows that. Just a little detail I thought was cute.

- Chloe has mild OCD. She sometimes has anxiety attacks and experiences dissociation.

- Timmy and Mikey Munroe are two other characters who have ADHD in my works and I LOVE playing them as foils for each other, with Timmy being less attentive and Mikey being more hyperactive.

- Mikey also has dyslexia (Heavily implied by canon where he struggles with the spelling bee), which is interesting. I am still obsessed that his crush (Sophie Sanders) seems to have dyscalculia. Boy who struggles with words, girl who struggles with numbers, what crimes will they commit?

- Peppy Happy Betty has severe anxiety. In the original version of "Solo" (which was posted and up for a while), she said Sanderson helped her through her self-harm struggles. I later tweaked it so she says she's been scratching herself as I didn't think the original phrasing fit with the rest of my T-rated content (and I didn't want to catch people off guard with it).

Pink and Gray is supposed to delve into her self-harm, which is part of why I plan to raise its rating when it comes off hiatus (and I'll update the tags accordingly). This is one of the stories that I expected to censor most from its original draft, but since I want to raise its rating for other reasons anyway, I'd like to explore her self-harm arc too. Carefully and with proper tags as mentioned. Betty gets into tattoos later as a way to redirect some of those feelings. I... think she has bat (Anti-Fairy) wings tattooed on her back, but I'll have to double check. Pretty sure it's bat wings.

- I'd also like to write Hazel as autistic- I've seen autistic writers talk about the many things they relate to with her and I like their portrayals.

- I've been waffling over making Kevin Crocker neurodivergent because it feels right to me, but I haven't nailed down exactly what I want to do with him. Open to suggestions, but still doing research and trying to find what feels right :)

Non-Humans

Disclaimer - My non-humans have non-human brains; I'm translating a few things from their in-universe diagnoses for clarity.

- Goldie has Harm OCD. Her species (will o' the wisps) are stereotyped as "damsels force drakes into harems" and she has a lot of paranoia regarding that.

Enter Goldie-Poof dubcon arc where Poof feels awful about expressing his relationship concerns to Goldie, knowing she'll panic about them, so he keeps hiding his feelings. "Watch and Learn" was a story where Poof broke up with Goldie, only to take her back almost immediately.

- Anti-Cosmo has bipolar disorder (hand in hand with mania, depression, dissociation, and hypersexuality). Specifically, he has a parallel of it that applies to his specific species- In-universe, he has multiple diagnoses for his condition.

Anti-Fairies refer to him as "having a lightning spirit in his head" (and those he grew up with used they/them pronouns for Anti-Cosmo in his youth because of this, in accordance with Anti-Fairy culture). Fairies diagnose him as "being a Fairy in an Anti-Fairy's body" since his mood changes are arguably similar to those of a drone without pheromone exposure.

In Fairy terms, Anti-Cosmo has divus displacement disorder, which is treated by rubbing pheromones on his face every day. This is referenced again in the sideblog post I'm putting up tomorrow (about pheromones), but Anti-Cosmo throws off a lot of people because he always smells different due to those pheromones. Fairies consider him to have a shifting identity and don't trust him.

- Anti-Cosmo's mother (Anti-Florensa) and brother (Anti-Robin Jr.) have a magical parallel of schizophrenia. His brother experiences hallucinations of the past while his mother has hallucinations about different future timelines.

Anti-Cosmo had a bad falling out with his brother around the time he figured out who he's a reincarnation of (Frayed Knots), as Anti-Robin's struggle to remember who Anti-Cosmo is in this lifetime (and react to him appropriately) strained their relationship.

In Anti-Fairy culture, they're also considered to have their souls entangled with nature spirits and are referred to as they/them by many people (though their enjoyment of being addressed that way fluctuates).

- Foop has dissociative identity disorder. I don't really have anything more to say about it. Lots of trauma going on there. Definitely some PTSD. And again, as an Anti-Fairy, his culture also diagnoses him as having a nature spirit tangled with his soul.

Unfortunately, Foop doesn't get a lot of the help he needs because Anti-Fairies tend to wave his situation off as a genetic condition rather than something trauma-related, seeing as several members of his family tree are also diagnosed with nature spirit conditions. This actually plays into why Foop connects with Fairy culture in a lot of ways (and why he has a pixie therapist, not an Anti-Fairy one).

- I think Poof has a little PTSD too and/or some anxiety, seeing as he had a panic attack at the end of "All I Ever Wanted" when talking about life with Goldie.

- Two characters of mine (a fairy named Rupert Roebeam and a pixie named Walter Keefe) have dysolfactya, which is a parallel of dyslexia I created for the inability to organize scents in your head (Not exactly the easiest thing to live with in a world that relies on pheromones to keep you from wandering into dangerous areas).

- I... usually refer to Longwood's and Poof's lack of interest in preening as a parallel of asexuality for a world where licking necks and faces is a big deal, but it's kind of interesting to think about. In-universe, they'd probably be diagnosed in some medical or psychological way.

Very pre-DSM update vibes, which absolutely fits the time period I have the cloudlands set in. Something akin to "diagnosed with critically low libido" for sure, but for licking.

- H.P. has OCD (Imo, this is implied by the song he sings in the Musical about how he doesn't hate the Fairies and doesn't want to take over, but can't stop himself from doing so because he "must cater" to his urge to be "the world's administrator," not to mention his insistence on 37-year plans).

He hates untidy notes- There are several scenes where he rewrites his entire note page because he doesn't like marks on his notes (including crossed-out words). He also has issues with lying and his athazagoraphobia (fear of being forgotten), leading to the winning combo of making it explicitly clear when he plans to enact a takeover plan. There's a whole thing about how he has to justify his takeovers in terms of "It's their fault for not stopping me; I warned them I'd do it."

H.P. also experienced zoochosis during his time at the Eros Nest (zoo run by Cupid's family), leading to repetitive behaviors with no clear end goal. That probably affects him even now in a PTSD-adjacent way.

There might be characters I didn't mention - I feel like I'm blanking on something Anti-Marigold experiences - but those are the ones that come to mind for FOP 'fics!

#Me holding 2 characters & looking back and forth in surprise between the list of neurodivergent conditions and them #“Can't believe these two don't count. I am a fool.”#FAIRIES!#ridwriting #asks #idk if I want to add character tags but maybe later #Cherry lemon ship tag #Long post

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goodluckclove · 6 months ago

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On the Autonomy of Character (Or: How I Fucked Up and am Now Fucked)

Hi! It's me. It's Clove Gardener, the writer who was diagnosed as schizoaffective at age 12 but 15 years later was informed that they would've likely been entirely neurodivergent if not for the severe C-PTSD that those doctors in their childhood missed at the time. Oops. Turns out I just have a big imagination, and that's going to come across strong in what I have to talk about today.

I'm a big proponent of character autonomy in writing - always have been, always will be. I don't outline more than a loose conception of what I'd like to happen, but as I say that I know there's a chance that i might not. Because what I hold highest in my work is my sense of character, which often results in my characters being the ones that get to control what actually happens.

I hear a lot of writers allude to this in posts on here, but they don't go into detail. I'm going to try and explain what that means to me in an attempt to make the process make more sense to writers who prefer a bit more control and structure.

(edit: this is a ramble be warned)

For the most part it's not too obtrusive. I'll use my novel Blind Trust (E-Book available now, paperback hopefully coming out next week) as an example. There's a point in writing it that Edgar, our befuddled initial narrator, learned some information that would really come as as a shock to his love interest Scott.

Well, okay, I mused as I wrote it, he would want this to be a secret. I'll have to navigate that.

Counter to that thought, Edgar ended up telling Scott immediately. Literally, as soon as the two of them were alone. Because by then, even though I knew it would make more thematic sense, I had enough of a grasp on Edgar's character to know that he would not be able to keep this to himself.

That's usually what it looks like. Small ripples that change the current, but ultimately keep the boat riding easily. Then, a solid 100k into the sequel Migration Patterns (Also I just realized I hit 100k yay me), my cast made the biggest executive decision of the story so far.

Let me explain. Where I'm at right now, Katy Delaney and her brother are in Nebraska, and they have to drive a few states over to Oregon. The problem is that Katy is currently having her brother's house patrolled constantly by guards from Stillrush Outreach Center, the closest witch town. This includes three birthrights, one of which being Fern, a deaf ex-Navy Seal.

So that was my problem. These guards are tasked specifically to keep Katy safe, meaning they aren't going to want her to fuck off for no good reason. She needed to escape, right? That's what I thought. That's what Katy and her brother thought too. So after some brainstorming with my wife I ended up devising a ploy for them to fake a fire that would allow them to escape in the following chaos.

Here's the thing, though - and this really centers on the fact that Fern is causing me a lot more trouble than I expected for a character that was meant to be a one-off escort. The plan was to make enough smoke in a trash can fire to trigger the alarm and call a truck - but of course the guards would see it too.

Two Academic witches don't pose too much of an inconvenience - they're rule followers, they know to wait for authority. Even the two less-experienced birthrights would wait for orders before trying anything. Fern, though. Jesus Christ. Fern had years of training and an immense knight's complex, so before the firetruck even had a chance to get there they burst through the front window in case she needed to be rescued.

I didn't plan for this, but it made sense. Birthrights aren't typically bad people - they aren't all perfect, but birthright magic is typically used in the name of either social services or community good. So if someone needs help, a birthright helps - it's just a part of the culture. It definitely clashed with my plans to have Katy escape and get on the road.

And it also immediately made Katy feel like a total asshole, because of course it did. She typically gets itchy and uncomfortable around shows of heroism and goodness, even though at her core he is very much a good person. So now Clove, the writer wants Katy to book it and go on a fun road trip with her brother. But Katy Delaney sees someone who got hurt trying to save her from a danger that she made up, and she immediately thinks "well fuck, now i have to help".

So she helps Fern out of the house, and once they get themselves patched up and Katy meekly explains the weird prank and the situation it was trying to solve (Trying to keep the spoilers at a minimum), Fern is silent for a long time. Then they make a very simple conclusion.

I'm coming with you, they say.

Now Clove, the writer, the one who brought these people into existence, is like "NO. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS. I HAVE TO WRITE TWO MORE BOOKS AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO BE IN THEM, FERN. WHERE DO YOU GO NOW? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO OREGON?"

But Katy feels guilty. Katy feels tired. Katy's very disorientated by how much she's suddenly feeling.

"I DO NOT THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT IN BLUEROSE, FERN," Clove, the writer, tries to insist. "I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE IN BLUEROSE WILL LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT, FERN."

But Fern feels obligated to Katy. Maybe she reminds them of someone they used to know. Someone that they failed in the past and refuse to fail again.

"I DID NOT PLAN FOR GUN-TOUTING WITCHES TO BE THIS BIG A PLOT ELEMENT IN MY COMFORT-CORE ASEXUAL FANTASY SERIES, FERN," Clove wails inside their head.

It's too late, though. Clove is weaker than Fern and as much of a bleeding-heart as Katy insists she isn't. Katy agrees, and now I have two and a half books that now must at least make reference to an ex-military witch who's quick with a gun and canonically loves ska.

I don't have an inspirational ending for this. I truly don't. I'm gonna do it, because I know it's what the characters would do, and shoving them in a mold that does not fit just to appease my false sense of ego would turn storytelling into masturbation.

So yeah, guys. Fern is here. They don't have a first or a last name or any real appearance other than tall and I think tattooed, but fuck it. Fuck it. Whatever, guys. You win.

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #authors of tumblr #on writing #writing #queer writers #migration patterns

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