#but it isn't very funny when he's gone and those words are all that can echo through your heart

[zepskies]

Ooh I'm excited to get into more Shaw drama! (I still need to read those books. 🤔)

Ahh so him wanting to solve his father's murder is what drove him to distance himself from his wife and kids, in order to help him reconcile with Colter. It does make sense, even if it is heartbreaking.

“What about your mother?” Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

lmfao she really does! I was literally just wondering about how he views his mom in all of this. She literally let Colter believe Russell had something to do with Ashton's fall, and then basically told him to get gone. What kind of mother does that? She seems very suss in all of this.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand. His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

LMAO. I don't know who Manny is, but I already love him! 😂 And I'm even more intrigued by the hints of Russell Family Trauma mixed in with the family mystery, piecing together the puzzle of his mom along with his father's killer...

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

Very on brand that Russ shares a Dean-level love of food. 😆

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

LOL God, Russell isn't good at this, is he? It's tough to say which one of the Shaw boys got more childhood related trauma affecting their ability to communicate, let alone be emotionally available. 😭

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

Oh my God, Russ... I wasn't expecting you to take it there, but it's an understandable consequence of his PSTD, especially for him as a soldier. It also explains why she picked up Lewis and left him to pull himself together.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

Ooh again with those lies of omission...

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Dear Lord, their mother is more and more suss to me. How she could ever justify making her eldest son be a scapegoat is beyond me. 🥲

But I'm glad Colter and Russell are getting just as much of an honest heart-to-heart as Russ and the reader did. 💜 Now I can't wait to see what you did with the finale of this series!

The Exit Strategy – Part 4

Summary: Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+, language, fluff, some angst & feels, family secrets, spy stuff, a bit of spiciness

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: Welcome back, friends! We're diving a bit into Shaw family secrets this week – fully Wayne's version, though. While I did read the books, there's no major spoilers**, so don't you worry. I just played with an idea here 🤓 I also won't be fully diving into the Shaw family life, but some things are heavily hinted to be... fishy here 👀 Enjoy & let me know what you think! 🤍

**There's a small part where Russell tells Colter about their parents. It's mentioned in the books that their mother was a psychiatrist. I took that and ran with it 🤷‍♀️

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Part 4: This Is Not an Exit

“You’ve been walking down memory lane a lot tonight,” you teased with a nudge of his ribs, still tightly cuddled in his warm embrace in the freezing basement.

“Haven’t you?”

“No, I have,” you admitted with a melancholic sigh. “Maybe we should stop dwelling on the past so much. Think more about the future…”

Russell scoffed a small chuckle. “Dory said something similar not that long ago. Actually the reason why I came here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, his fingers absently drawing circles on your arm. “I think it’s time we retire, sweetheart. I mean, after everything we’ve been through, I think we deserve to, right? You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I’m surprised we’re even still here, considering how many war zones we’ve been in.”

“Well, you know what they say – beware the old soldier because he’s old for a reason,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, think I might be getting a little too old…” Russell chucked lightly, running a hand through his long hair. “So? What d’you think? One last hurrah, and then we hang this up? I was thinking maybe we could open up a brewery, you know? A family place. Bet the kids would love it.”

“Sounds nice,” you said with a yearning smile. You wanted all of that and more. “I’d love to retire with you.”

“But?”

You laughed slightly at his anticipating look. “But I don’t think you can yet.”

His eyebrows drew together till they met above the bridge of his freckled nose. “What d’you mean? I just told you I’m ready.”

“You say you are, but you aren’t,” you replied like the annoying Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. “Have you solved the murder yet?”

Russell licked his lips, which was his telltale sign that you caught him there. After all, you knew him better than anyone in this world – knowing when he needed to be pushed and shoved was part of it.

“No, but I don’t need to anymore. Look, the only reason I wanted to solve it was because I thought I had to prove my innocence to Colter. And well, turns out I didn’t. He believed me anyways, so…”

“That wasn’t the only reason,” you reminded him with a scrutinizing look.

“Maybe, but like I said – Dory thinks we should keep all this bullshit in the past, and after the last three years, I’m starting to agree with her,” Russell said, dragging a hand over his face.

“Look, if that’s what you want–”

“It’s what I want,” he assured you and placed a hand on your thigh, gently squeezing it. “Having my little brother and sister back is enough. I don’t need more. Nothing good ever comes from being greedy.”

You nodded in understanding, clearing your throat. “Still, in the name of our deal to always be honest, I kinda have to confess something.”

Rising from your seat, you dusted off your awful, flowery skirt and wandered to the wall safe once more, retrieving a thick folder from it. You took your place next to Russell again, his questioning eyes meeting yours as you handed him your research.

“When you didn’t come back after a year or so, I started looking into it as well. Might have done a full deep-dive,” you admitted with a bite of your lip.

Russell shot you a chiding look, shaking his head, but most of all, he was worried. “I told you to leave it alone. You don’t know what sorta people we’re dealing with here, but we do know they’re dangerous.”

“I know. I just wanted to help. Figured I could speed it along. I do have more access than you,” you countered softly. “I’m sorry, okay? But I was careful. I promise.”

“Good,” he said and looked at you, interlacing your fingers with his. “‘Cause the last thing I want is losing you over this bullshit, too.”

Nodding, you squeezed his hand in reassurance. “There’s something you should know, though.” He raised his brow anew – you’d always been full of surprises. Life certainly had never been boring. “Someone accessed the files after me.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. Definitely had a higher clearance than me, though,” you replied.

Russell threw his arms up, and you could see he was getting more upset again. “See? This is what I’m talking about! The whole point of us separating was to keep you and the kids away from it. Otherwise, we could’ve just stayed together, and I could’ve joined Horizon anyways.”

“I know that, too,” you said remorsefully. “But don’t worry. I wasn’t followed, and no one ever came after me. I made sure of it. It’s been two years now. They probably figured it was nothing after I didn’t reach out to you straight away.”

“Still… I don’t want you involved, alright?”

“What about Colter? Doesn’t he want to know? He doesn’t strike me as someone who just lets things go,” you noted observantly.

Russell clicked his tongue – a sign of defeat. “He isn’t, but he’s not gonna find anything either. I mean, the only reason I know is because you were so relentless and kept digging.”

“You haven’t told him what we found out?”

Russell licked his lips and admitted quietly, “No. I don’t think it does anyone any good to keep looking into this.”

Leaning forward and hugging your knees, your head bobbed pensively. “I thought you guys talked about what happened?”

“We did. Kinda… It’s complicated,” he stated, swallowing. “Dory was easy, you know? I guess she never really believed it… But it took a while till Colter even picked up the phone, let alone answered a goddamn text message. Had to get a little annoying.”

You smirked. “Well, you’re good at that. That’s how you won me over.”

“By being persistent?”

“Exactly. Like a tardigrade.” You grinned. “I mean, you kind of are doing it now again, too.”

He chuckled quietly. “Yeah, guess so.”

“Is that why you haven’t told him about me and the kids? Because you’re not sure about him yet?”

“Partially, yeah,” he admitted. “I guess I wanted to protect you. And maybe myself a little, too… Not sure I’m ready for those two worlds to meet yet, you know? I mean, you and the kids are the best things that ever happened to me, and when I look at Colter or Dory, I’m sometimes reminded of the worst things in my life.”

“What about your mother?”

Russell let out an exhaustive sigh that was half amused. “Geez, you haven’t changed a bit. You still ask the most uncomfortable questions possible.”

You laughed a little. “Gathering intelligence in uncomfortable ways is kind of my job, Shaw.”

“Yup, and no one’s better at it than you, sweetheart,” Russell quipped.

“So I’m guessing it’s a no on Mommie Dearest?”

Russell licked his lips, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna see her. Mostly because I don’t even know what to fucking say anymore,” he said. “I don’t want her to meet the kids either.”

“It’s okay,” you assured him and took his hand in yours. “It’s your choice, Russ. We go at your pace, alright?”

“Thank you.” Russell brought your intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of your hand before he looked at you deeply, a smile dancing across his plump lips. “I love you.”

You mirrored his smile, your heart fluttering like a wild butterfly in your chest. “I love you, too.”

“I’ll tell them – Dory and Colter. I want this to work,” he promised. “Just… after we finish this. I want him to have a clear head. I prefer not to get him killed, you know?”

“I get it. I thought the same thing when I first met you, too,” you joked, patting his chest. “But you brought him into this. It’s kinda on you.”

Russell scratched his bearded chin. “Yeah, but I didn’t exactly know what I’d bring him into.”

“Didn’t you, though?”

Amused, Russell bobbed his head. “Yeah, maybe I did,” he acknowledged. “You know, when Manny called me–”

Your eyes widened. “Manny called you?”

Russell blinked at you, brow creased in confusion. “Yeah, why?”

“That motherfucker…”

Furiously, you stomped to the desk and grabbed the radio. “Drone-5. This is Queen Bee-1. Report to Hive.”

The static of the radio cracked almost instantly, as if the idiot had been waiting all night for this call. “Yo, Queen Bee-1. How’s my boy?” Manny’s laugh echoed through the basement.

Russell’s glowing cheeks reached his eyes when he heard his friend’s voice. He’d known the guy almost as long as Doug.

“You’re the one who fucking told him?!” you yelled into the radio, almost crushing the device in your hand.

“To be fair, I told him not to engage with tango,” Manny sheepishly replied.

“Ha-ha, funny. Fuck you,” you huffed and tossed Russ the walkie-talkie. He caught it with one hand.

His boyish grin widened as he pushed the button. “You know, Drone-5, you could’ve told me you were actually working this thing.”

“Aw, you know I can’t do that. But I guess congrats on crashing another operation. You’re Worker Bee-3 now. Old habits die hard, huh?” Manny chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess…” Russell replied with a lighthearted chuckle, but his teeth tugged pensively at his lips.

“Great to have you back, brother. Hope this works out for you. See you on the other side, man. Oh, and could you move like three feet to the left and turn the washer off? We can barely hear and see you guys, and Drone-2 just ran out to grab popco–”

“No, absolutely not. Out,” you snapped as you grabbed the radio from Russ. He laughed as you put it furiously back on the desk. You knew what you had signed up for, but you still deserved some privacy. Annoyed, you took off your cross necklace – another bug – and settled down beside him again.

“What did he say when he called you?”

“Nothing much, really. Just told me your coordinates and that you like to pick up your mail at three o’clock at the local post office,” Russell replied.

You shook your head, smiling. “Well, he always loved you, so…” You started to chew on your lower lip, the anxiety in your belly returning. For the sake of your mind and heart, you had to make sure Russell was fully back, and this wasn’t just a fluke. “You know, I worry sometimes that if you don’t face this thing with your family, you’ll always feel this way. I mean, after Lewis was born–”

“I know.” Russell nodded, swallowing thickly. He saw the worry shimmering in your eyes, and it cracked his heart a little. “I know I kinda lost it there. Took me by surprise, too. Trust me. Figured I had dealt with all that shit already, you know? But I guess seeing you with him and feeling all that love myself, I just-… I don’t know. I don’t know how she could do it… Ashton was one thing, but she just stood by. And I don’t even know what the hell she was up to while he took us out into those woods…” He shook his head as if to rattle the answer out of his brain. “And then when we found out you were pregnant again… I mean, I’d barely held it together with Lewis. Everything just became a blur. I couldn’t think straight anymore, and I worried all the time I’d be like them…”

“I tried to help,” you said softly.

“I know you did. Guess this was just something I had to figure out on my own,” he replied with a beat shrug.

“How’s your vision now? Still blurry?”

“Clearer than ever.” A smile flickered alive on his lips, green eyes boring into yours as he leaned in and kissed you slowly like he meant every word. Blowing a raspberry, he then turned his attention to the file in his lap. “So, what am I gonna find in there?”

“Honestly, nothing we haven’t already puzzled together,” you replied, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. “But I found a couple of names associated with your parents. Thought maybe you could look at them and see if you recognize the person you saw in the woods.”

“I already know where this is going…”

“Russ, please, just–”

Russell interrupted you, placing a soothing palm on your thigh that curbed your enthusiasm. “I’ll think about it, alright?”

Satisfied, you raised two placating hands. “All I was asking…”

“How was the lasagna?”

After four hours in the basement, you and Russell quietly treaded up the stairs a few minutes after midnight, finding Colter in the kitchen, eating leftovers out of the ceramic form in the warm glow of the stove light. Tom, on the other hand, had passed out on the couch, only the blue flickers of the TV and the soft noises of a peaceful nature documentary filling the silence of the dark living room.

“Excellent,” Colter stated, swallowing down a mouthful of lasagna before speaking. “I told Tom he should be a chef in a restaurant or something.”

Russell’s brow knitted in doubt. “Really? Lemme try.”

“You just ate two entire bags of junk. You can’t still be hungry,” you argued with a giggle, shaking your head.

“It’s lasagna,” Russell said simply, grabbed a fork from the drawer, and dove right in.

That man would eat anything. You’d seen him do it, too. He didn’t even go hungry when he was lost in a desert.

“Wow, that is good,” Russell announced his judgement with a full mouth. “Maybe we should hire Tom for the brewery, huh?”

“I’m guessing this means you two talked?” Colter asked with a carefully arched brow.

“Hmm. I don’t know,” Russell mused in jest. “What d’you say, sweetheart? You taking me back?”

You rolled your eyes at his antics. “Guess I have to. God knows returning you is impossible.”

Russell laughed and slung an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. He kissed your temple.

But then you noticed Colter’s smile falter, his brows creasing in question. “Is your hair different?”

“Shit!”

Wide-eyed, you bolted back down the creaking stairs to the basement, hearing Russell’s laughter fill the kitchen.

“Was she wearing a wig? And her eyes too, right?” Puzzled, Colter tried to piece it all together. He had already figured by your extensive vocabulary of swear words that you might be a better match for his older brother than he had initially surmised.

“Yup, all fake, man,” Russell confirmed and smirked. “Still think she’s not my type yet?”

“No, I can see it now,” Colter admitted, chuckling. “So, you guys are good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Russell nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket, swallowing.

Colter’s smile widened, filling the older Shaw’s stomach with more guilt. “That’s great. Happy for you, man. Guess that means you’re retiring now, huh?”

Russell scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, we’ll see. Always depends on what the wife decides, you know?”

Yup, he sprinkled that important bit of information into a joke. Then, he watched his little brother take a stumped step back, brow furrowing and unfurrowing and then furrowing again.

“Wha-, wife?”

Russell produced a popping sound with his lips like the noise of a bottle when the cork was pulled. Welp, this bottle was surely open now.

“Yup, got married in Thailand in 2011,” he added another helpful tidbit of information, but Colter’s jaw dislodged all the same.

“Alright, got this all figured out,” you said, sauntering back into the kitchen with a pastel pink towel wrapped around your head and a matching bathrobe. You’d just grabbed them from the dryer, the fluffy material still cozily warm. It was the best option, considering you didn’t want to mess around with your wig as well after popping the lenses back in had already cost you most of your patience. In your little bubble of bliss, you hadn’t instantly noticed the brothers staring at you. But once you did, your brows morphed into a frown. “What’s going on?”

“You two are married?” Colter asked, a pointed finger flicking from Russell to you.

You threw your arms up, looking at your husband. “I was gone for five minutes! What happened to telling him after the operation?”

Russell offered you a sheepish shrug. “Well, this old soldier’s getting weak too, apparently.”

“He said it like a joke…” Colter mumbled, still in the middle of processing this new revelation. His older, estranged-but-now-less-strange brother had a wife. A family. Friends. And he knew none of it. What else was there? Kids?

“Yeah, he does that...” You shot your husband a scolding sideways look. “Should I leave you two alone for this?” you then offered, hoping the answer was a goddamn yes.

“Why would you? You’re family, right?” Colter retorted with a dry smile and a sharp look.

You pursed your lips. While you could see some similarities between the brothers, you took note of one big difference: Russell wasn’t as sarcastic and sharp-tongued. Probably because Russell had always been more concerned with what he should, would, or could share with people in an overthinking loop, while his younger brother seemed obviously free of that burden.

“Don’t take it out on her,” Russell stepped in gently, which really was a warning. “She didn’t know about any of this. Kinda pushed her into it.”

“Seems to be your style,” Colter scoffed.

“Can’t work for the CIA without going through a baptism of fire, little brother,” Russell said simply, giving an unapologetic shrug of his shoulders.

“Why would you not tell me?” Colter stared at him, his look a mix of reproach and agitation.

“Look, you weren’t exactly welcoming during our first meeting,” Russell argued with a bit of bark in his deep voice, although confrontation was probably not the best approach. But why should he always have to take the blame for everything? He’d already done that for more than two decades.

“That was months ago,” Colter countered, scowling. “I’d like to think I’ve come around since then… Coulda told me after we saved Doug.”

Russell let out a small sigh of defeat, rolling his eyes back slightly. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, man, alright?” he apologized earnestly.

With a questioning brow, you carefully nudged your husband’s arm. “What happened to Doug? Is he alright?”

“Yeah, uh, he went to work for Horizon with me. I’ll tell you later, okay?” Russell replied, his voice a lot quieter as if sharing a secret, and if Horizon was involved he probably was.

“Is Tracy okay?”

“She’s fine. Little shook up. You should probably give her a call. Smooth things out,” Russell told you.

Tracy thought you worked in marketing at some company for the government. Whenever you, Russell, and Doug were stuck on a mission, the boys made you call her to “smooth things out” – aka reassuring her everything was certainly fine with her husband and he wasn't in any danger at all. They’d once made you call her from a Black Hawk. The noise had been fun to explain away – you’d told her you were picking up a client from a helicopter pad.

Colter chewed on the insides of his cheeks. “So she knows Doug, too?”

Russell nodded. “Yeah, me and Doug were mostly Delta, but SAD liked to borrow us from time to time. We ran in her team for quite a while. She was actually the one who recruited me.”

At his little wink your way, you smiled. He’d come along way from the sweet boy you had once teased like a special-forces-trained kindergartner.

“Listen, things were obviously a little complicated between me and her the last few years,” Russell (under)stated. “But I’ve brought you here for a reason, okay? Figured it’s time you meet your sister-in-law.”

Eyes drifting from you to Russell, Colter pursed his lips – a tell he shared with his brother.

“Are you mad? I can’t tell.” Frowning, Russell tilted his head.

“No,” you absentmindedly replied for Colter, who gave you a curious look but steered his attention back to Russell.

“No,” the younger Shaw repeated your assumption. “I mean, not more than I was before, you know?”

Russell’s creases only deepened. “No, I don’t know.”

“He means he’s indifferent about knowing or not knowing we’re married because he’s already pissed about not knowing about my existence in general,” you explained.

“Ah. Your nerd is showing, sweetheart,” Russell teased you with a smile that made your heart melt.

“Dory would like her,” Colter commented like the thought had just popped into his head – something else he didn’t share with his brother.

You’d always wondered about the youngest Shaw of the three. Russell could never tell you much about Dory. His memory had been one of a smart and feisty nine-year-old, not a young woman and physics professor.

Thumbing at you, Russell cocked a brow at his brother. “Is she right, though?”

“Spot on, actually.” Colter’s tongue poked his cheek, his gaze flickering with a hint of astonishment and new-found respect for you. “And I guess I’m not really mad either way. Just… surprising, you know? I should’ve asked. That’s on me.”

Russell seemed more than a little baffled to hear this, considering he had to pause to find an appropriate response. “No, uh, we’re good. I could’ve just told you, anyways.”

“Yeah, no, that’s alright.” Colter swallowed, sending his older brother a smile of forgiveness. “Honestly, I was glad to hear you weren’t alone all this time, so…”

Russell’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he pushed down the lump in his throat. With a nod, he averted his green eyes to the kitchen floor. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

“Aw, aren’t you guys adorable,” you teased.

Colter wanted to retort something dry-witted, but Russell held up a warning finger. “Ah – wait for it… Trust me. She’s not done.”

“You girls need tissues or a tampon, maybe?”

“Oh, Dory would definitely like her,” Colter repeated his earlier statement with an amused grin.

Russell, on the other hand, shot you a pointed look, but that had barely ever stopped you before. “Okay, you can lay down. You don’t have to give him the initiation. No hazing my little brother,” he ordered you sternly, and you stifled a snort. “And no one better kidnaps him tonight and puts a bag over his head, alright? I don’t wanna pick him up beaten and bloody from some warehouse tomorrow morning.”

“Hm, what?” Colter’s brow furrowed. For the first time, you could see slight panic spread in his pupils.

Who was hazing who now?

You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance. “Fine, we’ll leave him alone,” you acted your capitulation.

The younger Shaw blinked at you. “Thank you?”

“Should we at least tell him about the other thing while we’re at it?” you asked Russell with a suggestive look.

Thoughtfully, he paused for a beat, then clicked his tongue. “No, I got it from here. It’s getting late. We’ve been here long enough,” he decided. “This is less becoming a friendly ‘welcome-to -the-neighborhood’ dinner and more starting to look like an orgy to the neighbors. Especially since you’ve put on the robe.”

“It just came from the dryer. Look, it’s so soft and warm,” you argued, pouting, your palms caressing the fluffy material on your arms.

“Uh-huh.”

The little bob of his Adam’s apple made you grin slyly. The way his jaw ticked and his pupils widened with a primal hunger, you could tell he wanted to tear that robe right off of you. The thought caused a shudder to run down your spine.

“What, uh, other thing do you have to tell me?” Colter asked and smiled expectantly, tapping his fingers on the the counter.

Russell, however, grabbed his arm and dragged his curious little brother toward the exit. “I’ll tell you in the car,” he said and thumbed to the front door behind his shoulder. “Wait outside. Gimme five minutes, alright?”

Wordlessly, Colter nodded without argument, gave you a quick goodbye-wave of his hand, and strolled leisurely back to his car as if he knew exactly what his older brother intended to do.

As expected, Russell impatiently conquered your lips, roughly pressing you against the foyer’s wall, your arms draping around his neck.

“What’s the bedroom situation in this place?” he asked between kisses.

“First floor, west side, third window from the right. I’ll leave it unlatched,” you replied, smiling against his lips. “Tom’s always sleeping on the couch. Part of our cover is going to marriage counseling with Pastor Jeff, which happens to work out great for us.”

You exhaled a shuddered breath when one of his hands wandered past the robe and splayed warm against your ribcage, just underneath your breast. His thumb fought an itch to get closer.

“Wouldn’t do that, baby,” you murmured into his ear with an amused smirk. “That boner’s not gonna go away in five minutes.”

“Mmm, I know,” he groaned and dropped his head between your boobs, lips pressing a chaste kiss to your collarbone. If he continued on with this, your arousal would surely streak down your bare thighs soon. Luckily, he had mercy on the both of you. “I’ll talk to him and then come back, okay?”

You nodded with a smile. He kissed your lips, then your forehead, and then disappeared through the door with the same cometary velocity he had entered your vision.

And all you could do was hope you’d see him one more time in your life.

“So?”

4.3 seconds after Colter killed the engine of his pickup in a spot a block away to the west side of your house – as per Russell’s very specific instruction – he stared scrutinizingly at his older brother.

Impatience was also a family trait – one even their father had despised.

“Look, uhm, there’s no easy way to break the news…”

“Is this about you having two kids?”

When Russell’s eyes met Colter’s, he didn’t recognize any anger, hurt or resentment in them – just pure slyness. At least that was good news. His little brother was just going to be annoying about this whole thing.

“Yeah, remember those five minutes you left me alone in the car? I called Bobby. Had him check some things out for me. Wasn’t easy to find. I’ll give you that…”

As expected, Colter was going to be a smartass about it. He figured it out on his own. He won the game.

“Hmm.” Russell pursed his lips, nodding. “You do know the CIA is on your guy’s ass now, right? Shouldn’t have done it in their perimeter, man. Manny’s probably all over this by now…”

Then his brow knit as if the thought of his old friend had provoked an idea, his head tilting with narrowed eyes at the air vents on the dashboard. How long had that car been parked outside and out of sight again?

Like a game of Operation, Russell then used thumb and pointer finger as his tweezers to retrieve a tiny bug – the spy kind.

“Gotcha,” Russell muttered, smirking. He then held the bug close to the speakers of the radio before turning up the volume to its highest setting – only for a second. He switched the radio off, rolled down the window, and threw the unwanted listening device onto the pavement. “That should teach ‘em a lesson…”

Colter cocked an incredulous brow at his brother. “They bugged my car?”

“Oh, trust me, they bug anything they can get their greedy little hands on,” Russell retorted. “Would probably check for a tracker underneath, too.”

“Great, thanks,” Colter huffed wryly.

“Hey, you wanted in. That’s what they do,” Russell reminded him, shrugging, but there was a smile of amusement on his lips.

Colter only bobbed his head. “So, you and her? You guys are good now? Just like that? Seemed… easy. Sorta…”

Russell chuckled lightly, brushing a hand through his beard. He knew his relationship with you was unconventional, but it had always worked for you and him.

“Me and Y/N have a deal, you know? It’s not all black and white. I mean, we became aware a long time ago that the two of us operate in a lot of gray zones. But, uh, we always know we can rely on each other, you know? Doesn’t matter if we’ve been separated by time or space,” Russell explained to the best of his abilities.

“So what happened?” Colter prompted with the same amount of confusion. “Why did you guys split up? I saw on the birth certificate your daughter was only two years old. I mean, did you-… did you even know?”

Russell inhaled deeply, nodding. “I knew she was pregnant. When she told me back then, I-…” He paused, licking his lips. It wasn’t something he had ever talked about with anyone before – not even you. “Well, shortly after that, I had a breakdown and I-… I almost hurt her.” He choked on the words, fighting the sting in his eyes.

He’d tried so hard to forget, wasn’t even sure he had ever really apologized for it to you because he so badly didn’t want it to exist that he’d tried to wish it out of literal existence, and hence, never really blamed you for leaving like you did. He understood. In fact, he had even wished you’d leave. He had convinced himself you’d be better off without him – something he still believed to be true – but he also knew he wasn’t better off without you.

He’d been lost and alone. And maybe, he was being selfish by crashing back into your life now. Or Dory’s. And Colter’s.

“I mean, nothing ever really bad happened. It’s just-… That night I came scarily close,” Russell confessed, swallowing thickly. He still hated himself for that night and everything that followed. “It’s like a switch flipped, you know? I couldn’t do anything against it… And Lewis saw parts of it, and I was already impatient with him and short with her the weeks before, so I just left that night and disappeared for two months. Volunteered for some mission. Figured it was best for everybody.”

It’s better off if he never comes back…

Russell licked his chapped lips. The next part was the hardest.

“When I got back, she told me she got a job offer in another country, and that she would be taking it and taking Lewis with her. She wanted me to use the time to… I don’t know… solve this, I guess.” He let out a humorless scoff at the painful memory.

Russell hadn’t seen it at first, maybe because he hadn’t wanted to, his anger and pain blurring the truth. After his son had been born, Russell knew you could see him struggling, so you started digging deeper into his family and what really happened. And when you’d found something – Horizon – you’d told him you could infiltrate. Naturally, Russell had passed a hard no – it had been a five-hour long fight, but he'd emerged victoriously by the end. So, you’d told him he should do it, but he didn’t want to leave you, and he didn’t want to endanger and jeopardize his family.

He’d told he was fine, but he wasn’t. It kept gnawing on him – and gnawing and gnawing and gnawing… till you eventually pulled the plug and ended his suffering.

“I was exhausted, so I told her we’d talk about it in the morning. When I woke up, they were gone. Didn’t even notice she’d already packed.”

Colter was silent for a beat. “Was it PTSD or something?”

“Or somethin’,” replied Russell.

“But you’re good now?” Colter checked with a warily raised brow.

“Guess so…”

Truthfully, Russell didn’t know if he was or wasn’t. He’d tried hard to figure out what it was exactly that had set him off that night and fix it, but he didn’t know if that feeling would ever disappear for good. He just knew he had never felt that way again since then. But could he guarantee it would never come back?

He didn’t know.

“Look, all I know is, seeing you and Dory again helped, so…” Russell twitched his shoulders and sighed. He didn’t know what else to say, how to explain it better, but Colter seemed to understand anyway, reading between the lines.

Russell worried he’d be like their father.

“I think I get it.” The younger Shaw nodded and licked his lips. “You know, you’re not crazy like Dad was, Russ. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re crazy in your own way, but I wouldn’t worry about the other stuff.”

“Well, thanks,” Russell said, not convinced but appreciative of the vote of confidence. “Makes at least one of us…”

“I-, uh, I noticed their names,” Colter then said and clarified, “Lewis and Amelia. Like explorers. Like us.”

“Ah.” Russell smacked his lips and brushed it off, “Wasn’t really my idea. I told Y/N that story once. Guess she took a liking to it..”

“Are you, you know, gonna tell Mom?”

Russell was almost surprised by the question. The brothers had barely talked about their mother since they’d reconnected. Considering Colter had never brought her up again after their first meeting, Russell figured there was a reason for that – and he thought he probably knew the reason, too.

Russell scoffed a chuckle and looked at his little brother with an almost incredulous look. “I think you can guess the answer to that one,” he replied and figured it said enough. “Did you tell her I came back?”

Colter pursed his lips, and Russell took it as a sign of admission. So his mother knew. Great…

“Sorta,” Colter admitted hesitantly.

“What d’she say?” Russell almost smiled out of amusement. He already knew the answer, but his brother still seemed reluctant. “C’mon, you can tell me. I’m not gonna be butthurt after twenty years…”

“She told me to ignore you,” Colter finally confessed, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. They had ever since his mother said them, but even more so now that he knew his brother – and parts of the truth.

“Hmm,” Russell hummed with tight lips and ground his jaw.

Granted, the confession stung more than Russell would ever be willing to admit. The tiny, naive part inside of him had constructed a hopeless fantasy of his mother having a sudden change of heart over the last two decades and happily welcoming her firstborn back. Apparently, not a thing had changed, though, and he cursed himself for feeling disheartened.

“But I actually haven’t talked to her in a while now,” Colter added with a small shrug, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Huh, really?”

“Yeah, uh, and when I did, I didn’t exactly tell her I didn’t take her advice, you know? So…”

“Why not?” Russell’s brow furrowed a little more as he analyzed each word, simultaneously realizing why he had been so reluctant to share his life with Colter before – his subconscious had been afraid his alienated little brother would report back to the mothership.

Colter’s lips pursed. “Because I disagree.”

“Ah.”

Colter chewed on his lower lip. “Look, I know you and Dory wanna keep all of this in the past and play family – and trust me, I want that too,” he assured, but his heart was beating fast in his chest. “But I need to know, man. I need to know why she lied about this for twenty years and, you know, did all of this,” he insisted, and yet, Russell could tell he wasn’t done. He might have broken the dam. “She did it to you. I mean, aren’t you mad?”

“Of course I’m mad,” the older Shaw admitted, but there was no fire behind his words.

“Then why are you so calm?”

Amused, Russell chuckled, shrugging. “Probably ‘cause I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than you, little brother.”

“So, what are we gonna do now?”

“We ain’t gonna do anything,” Russell clarified, his voice stern. He’d die to protect his family, you and the kids, and do anything in his power to keep you out of it, but Colter was a grown-up – a free agent. If he didn’t want to listen, Russell couldn’t force him. “Look, you wanna find out, you go find out. And if you do find something and need help, you call. But I can’t be involved in this,” he explained, his firm expression morphing into something more vulnerable and sincere. “And frankly, I don’t care that much. You, me, Dory, Y/N, the kids – that’s all that matters, trust me. You’re not gonna feel better or more… whole after finding those answers.”

“How do you know? Do you know what really happened?” Colter instantly asked, and Russell knew in that moment, it’d be hopeless. His brother wouldn’t stop till he found it – forever restless.

“No, I told you. I don’t,” Russell repeated, and while he didn’t know everything, he omitted that he knew something.

“What about Y/N?”

Russell froze at the bare mention of your name, his protective instincts kicking in. “Leave her out of this,” he all but snarled.

But Colter didn’t think about stopping. “Did you ever ask her? I mean, she’s CIA. She could probably find out something, right?”

“Yeah, I asked her once, alright? Was a long time ago,” Russell admitted, sighing. The intended lie would stick better if there was some truth to it – you had taught him that.

“C’mon, Russ… And?” Colter impatiently threw his arms up, brow raising higher and higher as he waited for an answer.

“She never found anything,” Russell said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.

This time, it wasn’t just an omission. It was a blatant lie.

“I think whatever Dad was involved in – or both of ‘em – was just some activist shit. I don’t think the government cares.” Lie. “We both know he had a mental thing. Paranoid, probably schizophrenic… I mean, Mom used to pump him full of meds sometimes when he got too out of hand.” Truth. He then stole a glance at his little brother and saw the confusion shimmering on his face. Russell scoffed. “You didn’t know that, did you?”

Quietly, Colter shook his head.

“Well, you were a kid,” Russell said and hoped it would curb the blow slightly, although he knew better than that. “He always took something as far back as I can remember. She used to prepare his pills every evening after you and Dory went to bed. But when we moved to the cabin, he started refusing to take them. Said they made him ‘not clear-headed enough.’ Kinda ironic,” he shared and snorted. “When it got too bad, though, she’d still crush ‘em into his food.”

Colter took everything in with a nod but didn’t say anything more.

“You good over there?” Russell checked after a full minute had passed.

“Yeah,” Colter said and even tried to form a reassuring smile before the attempt failed. Instead, he swallowed. “Just a lot, you know? I didn’t know. I mean, I had some idea, but not-… not that.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Russell said, his voice almost a whisper in the silence of the night. “Like I said, you were a kid…”

When Russell finally left the car to sneak back to you, his shoulders felt a little lighter and his heart a little calmer. He might just float through that unlatched window tonight.

The bad news was, though, he might not be able to retire just yet.

Part 5: This Is a Start

Honestly, I should've called this chapter "Heart-to-Heart Part II" 😂 I'll see you for the finale next week, but as you know, it's not the end for them – only just the beginning 😉

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[ghost-proofbaby]

“I love you” “it’ll pass” okay but which one is Eddie and which one is reader bc I don’t think I’d be able to handle either outcome

okay. just. hear me out. listen. listen to this idea i don't know if i could ever put myself through the heartbreak of writing. (tw: i'm bringing up the cursed thing that is eddie's canon ending in stranger things as of right now. yes. his... very, very, very long nap.)

"i love you" = reader

"it'll pass" = eddie

...and how ironic it is, for him to have insisted so many times that it'll pass, especially after the canon events of season 4. in which you are left alone, with nothing more than a memory of him, and all you can think is how it'll never pass. the love, the grief, the pain - he lied. it won't pass. even when you finally crave it to.

[another-random-paradise]

Can I rq for hc about twst.. Where the fem!reader(gn!reader if like) has an abusive father and caused her a truma? And the boys ( the first years + lilia & leona & azul & trein) are shocked when they find out?

Something about angst/comfort with some fluff .... I hope you're comfortable writing that.

A new start

thank you for the request. I'll be honest, i was debating wether to write this or not, as abuse is a complex subject, and i was worried about misunderstanding or accidentally offending those who have gone/are going through this. But remembered that, I too, turned to fanfics for comfort during some of my worst days, and if i can be, or at least create, that comfort for someone else, then I'm satisfied with what I've achieved in live. But I do have a 4 character limit that i have to enforce for the sake of my own mental health, so i didn't do the first years, I'm very sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------

Reader opens up to them about their abusive father

Characters: Lillia, Leona, Azul, Proffessor Trein

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Talk of past abuse

written platonically, but Leona and Azul can be read romatically

!Please note that this is not meant to glorify or romanticize abuse, but meant as a form of comfort for those that need it!

Lillia

-Lillia has always been one to sneak up on and scare people, he just found their reactions so funny!

-But he can easily tell that you react a lot more intensely than others. He eventually stops sneaking up on you, because your reactions aren't fun, they just seem.. sad to him.

-Instead of surprise, you feel fear, and he doesn't like it. He can tell, just from that, that something is wrong, and while he wants to know what, he won't pressure you. As a father, he learned quickly that, that only leads to dishonesty

-As the two of you become closer, you start to be more comfortable and open with him

-And during a particularly calm conversation, a rather rare thing with someone like Lillia, you finally open up to him

-You two are sitting on a bench near his dorm, with no one around, when your conversation suddenly shifts to the past.

-As you tell him what your father did, Lillia feels anger, no, rage.

-But not at you, never at you. No, he is enraged that your father could treat his own child like that. He raised his enemy's son, after a war that lastet years, the child of the same man that killed the woman he loved, and still managed to be the best father he could be. And that trash bag of a person- if you could even call him that - couldn't even take care of his own?! 

-When you see the look in his eyes, you almost get scared, but something just tells you, that anger isn't directed at you. And before you can question him, he pulls you into a hug. You would dare to call it the most gentle hug you have ever experienced.

-"You are safe now. You always will be for as long as I'll live."  His words are as genuine as can be, as his grip tightens ever so slightly. But it doesn't feel like a cage, more like a weighted blanket engulfing your body, the weight slowly lulling you to sleep.

-If you weren't crying before, chances are you are now. And he lets you, comfortingly rubbing your back your back as you sob into his shoulder, finally letting it all out.

-The days after that, you notice that Lillias attitude towards you has changed over so slightly, he is acting a lot more caringly, he is acting.. almost fatherly. And you don't even realize that, that is his goal.

-He makes sure you always eat enough, and will cook your lunch and dinner himself if he has to, and that alone is motivation enough to eat properly, checks up on you, helps you with homework and similar, and always lends you a shoulder to cry on.

-Lillia has already made up his mind. He raised a human and a fae prince, what harm could taking in one more human do?

-You may have not have had a proper father up until now, but rather late than never, no?

Leona

-He noticed how skittish you seemed to be when you first met. The fear in your eyes obvious, no matter whether you try to hide it or not, as he snapped at you for stepping on his tail. It was the main reason he let you of so easily.

-He saw it again during his overblot, right before he transformed, as well as shortly after his recovery, when he approached you to sort things out. He expected fear, an overblot is nothing short of scary after all, but something about your fear just seemed different to him, but he decided not to bother you about it.

-Eventually you two get closer, he considers you one of his closest friends ...which isn't that great of an achievement since he doesn't have that many- but at least actually becoming one of his friends at all can be counted as one!

-One day, while simply hanging out, he decides to bring it up. He says it casually enough that you know you don't have to answer, without him having to outright say it. 

-You decide you trust him enough and tell him about your father and what he did

-He's shocked. He doesn't know what exactly he expected, but it, for some reason, it wasn't this. He thought maybe bully's, a bad ex, or something like that... but your own father? He didn't know he could hate someone so much without ever meeting them

-He's now wide awake, but stays quiet. He has never been good with words, let alone comforting someone, so he just lends you an open ear. 

-The quietness might put you off at first, but his tail subconsciously wraps around your arm, as he processes it, I'm afraid this is as much proper comfort you'll get, but if you decide to hug or cuddle him, he'll let you

-While he may not be the best with words, he does know how to take action while still being lazy.

-He practically has his own fan club at his beck and call, also known as the savanaclaw dorm, and he puts them to use.

-He tells them to make sure no one gives you trouble, and that you remain harm free, or else they'll have trouble with him. And it works! Suddenly all your bullies leave you alone!.. you don't even realize the amount of savanaclaw members staring the bully down.

-It's Leona's way of comforting and taking care of you, because if your father won't, then he damn sure will.

Azul

-Azul can be very observant when he wants to be, so it wasn't hard to tell, that the fear you felt when the twins got violent in front of you.. your fear was different, than that of the usual person

-He has to be honest, when he first saw it, he thought maybe he could utilize it to make you sign a contract.. but after his overblot his entire perspective seemed to change, you just seemed to understand his childhood trauma a little to well, how the constant abuse could hurt and even change oneself

-He'd be lying if he said that, that wasn't part of the reason you two got as close as you did, you two just seemed to understand to understand each other on a deeper level

-One day, while simply sitting in the VIP lounge while he worked, you two once again ended up talking about the past, and this time, you decided to be the one to open up to him about your childhood

-Azul stops in his tracks as you do, horrified at the thought of that happening  happening to you. He was just quiet for a moment, and unlike usual, this wasn't a comfortable silence

-"Well.. you're here now, he won't reach you here. I'll make sure of this, I'll make a contract to prove it." His voice was quiet, as he was debating what to do, he wanted to properly comfort you, but he didn't know how. He was still very young when his mom got divorced and, well, the twins never exactly needed comforting. So instead, he does what he does best, write a contract.

-For once, it's a contract that benefits you more that him. It mentions that you'll get protection from bully's and your father, should he somehow end up in twisted wonderland, and that Mostro lounge can be like a save haven that you can go to even after it's closing times. In return, he asks that you come to him should anything happen to you, from your father actually finding you, to simply getting triggert by something that reminds you of the past, whatever that may be.

-He just hopes that, even though he isn't the best when it comes to comfort, he can be the save haven for you that your dad failed to be.

Professor Trein

-Trein likes you for the simple reason that you're one of the very rare students that doesn't either cause trouble or fall asleep in his class

-During the topic of ancestry and how it affected history, ever so often the topic would change to the students family's, some students interested in yours, since your from another world. He couldn't help but notice how you never brought up your father.

-Eventually Trein became your favourite teacher! Sure, his lectures can be boring, but history is one of the few subjects you can participate in, and as long as you behave, he's actually pretty nice!

-Trein, already a father of multiple daughters, couldn't help but feel fatherly towards you, he made sure you knew you could confide in him

-One day, the lesson is about the past of some important historical figure, as things happened to be, this historical figure was abused too. Trein almost immediately noticed how quiet you got, and how hesitant you were to do the assignments. So, Trein asked you to stay after class

-He told you he noticed the change, and you decide to entrust him your story

-Trein, as a father himself, is horrified. How could anyone do that to their own flesh and blood? He lets you speak, nodding occasionally to let you know he's listening.

-"I am so sorry that happened to you. you deserve better". If you need or want it, he'll hug you and let you sob into his shoulder

-Trein, similarly to Lillia, will start to act more fatherly after that. He won't be less strict with you exam wise, but if he feels a subject could be triggering to you, he'll let you know before class, so that you can mentally prepare yourself, or miss class with his permission if needed.

-Since you aren't from twisted wonderland, you don't have a legal guardian here, do you? How do you feel about adoption? He's already raised multiple daughters, he's sure he can do it again. That way you also have somewhere to go during holidays! 

-He can't change what has already happened, but he'll make sure your last few teenage years are spent happily in a proper home

Abuse is a sensitive subject, and while i tried my best to be as respectful as possible, I know it is very possible for me to have done something wrong. So, if anything here is disrespectful, triggering, or just generally insensitive, I beg you to tell me, so that i can fix it as fast as possible.

I admit to not being the most educated on this subject, but if you are still in this situation or believe someone else is, I believe there are different hot lines for different country's that can tell you what you can do to get help. If you can, find a public computer or use a friends phone to find and call said hotline.

I truly hope that your okay anon and anyone else that is reading this, and that this fic could bring you some comfort.

[ironladders]

"I circled half the globe searching for him, but he was gone."

Starscream ;_;

RIGHT?? IT'S SO SAD .

and i have sooo many thoughts about this whole situation with skyfire/starscream that's been presented to me, if you dont mind anon im gonna use your ask to ramble a little

(disclaimer im sure nothing i have to say here is particularly new & has been said by those who've been deep into TF longer than myself but i need to get this out my system anyways. and also im still watching through g1 so if im horribly mistaken about anything #oops)

unless i missed something, i don't think it's specified in "fire in the sky" how long starscream looked for skyfire?? but just thinking about that line.... he obviously didn't immediately go back to cybertron, he didn't just give up on skyfire. starscream cared about skyfire enough to look for him, only leaving after (i assume) he realized he didn't have the resources to conduct a proper search for his companion. and i mean can you imagine being starscream in that situation???? your partner just disappears into a storm, and no matter how far and long you look you're unable to find them????????

i get starscream, man. i'd also become awful if that happened to me.

and here's the thing: i stumbled upon this post which posits that the decepticons happening to stumble across skyfire in the ice was no incident, but starscream's own doing, and i LOVE this theory/headcanon so much. when i first watched the episode yesterday i was thinking that it was funny they just happen to be mining right where skyfire was frozen so it's nice to see my suspicions affirmed LMAO

i honestly love that episode so much because as i learn more about starscream and transformers as a whole i think little tidbits like that offer a deeper look into who he is (or was, idk) beyond just megatron's second-in-command. he was a scientist, an explorer, a friend. "was" isn't even the proper word here, because he still is all of those things, he just...... applies them differently, i suppose. which is the real tragedy in who he is as a character.

beyond starscream and his search for skyfire, you wanna know what i've REALLY been thinking about a lot with these two? when skyfire becomes a decepticon (for like a day lol but still), starscream immediately declares that when he overthrows megatron, skyfire will become his second-in-command. not any of the other seekers, not either of the waves, not literally anyone else who's been a decepticon for more than an hour, but skyfire. his long-lost science partner. on starscream's end, virtually nothing about his relationship with skyfire has changed. he still trusts him as much as he did millions of years ago, to the point he'd be willing to have him at his side as leader of the decepticons.

but on skyfire's end... the starscream in front of him is different from the one he knew. war and being a decepticon changed starscream for the worst, something that unveils itself very quickly to skyfire. one of the first things he asks starscream after becoming a decepticon is if starscream is genuinely happy about being a decepticon warrior over the scientist he used to be. skyfire can't believe that the person standing in front of him could be the starscream he once knew before being frozen. still, it's starscream, so skyfire ends up going along with things up until he can't ignore his morals and deny that he's on the wrong side anymore.

that is where the second tragedy happens for starscream: betrayl, by the man he'd waited to get back for so long. he finally got skyfire back, only to lose him all over again.

if skyfire had never crashed that day -- if they'd never gone closer to explore the earth in the first place -- would starscream had gone down such a dark path? would he have taken countless lives, and become the ruthless decepticon he is now? does it eat at skyfire, knowing that in his absence starscream lost who he once was? or perhaps he'd still be the same starscream, but skyfire would be at his side serving the decepticon cause. maybe they both would've been so drastically changed by the years of cybertron's war together.

skyfire is a living, formerly frozen relic of the past before everything went wrong. starscream has aged far beyond that, to the point of no return. as much as they surely both want it, and regardless of what happens to them, their bond can never go back to what it once was.

god i just. i need more!!! i need to watch more transformers and read more of the comics and see more of these two!! i watched tfp + some of the live action movies as a kid but this is my first time learning about skyfire and this thing he's got going on with starscream and it's fascinating to me i can't believe i didn't know about this before!!!!! but it's also so fucked up oh my god!!!!!

ok yeah ive gotten the brainworms out my system. idk how to end this here's screenshots i took that i found funny

[dalliancekay]

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.”

Joseph Heller, Catch-22

I don't yet know how to explain this... And will probably mess it up. But I think that in fiction, sometimes in life too* and in my case, obviously particularly I'm talking about Good Omens here - people often forget that if something terrible does not happen, that it was going to be fine all along** and the character who was worried about it, was overreacting (being stupid, cowardly, uncool, wimp, sissy etc etc).

It was @seaweednpeanuts who put this idea in my head and now I'm trying to express my thoughts on it.

You know how people tend to joke that Aziraphale and Crowley do nothing in S1 and are completely useless and isn't that hilarious, but aww, we love them anyway, the two idiots etc? Sure, it's funny but it's also not true.

When Aziraphale says:

He doesn't mean - 'we are completely useless'.

He means they messed up as far as it goes for things they were supposed to be doing. And even thought they were doing. They didn't double check they were raising the right baby for example; they perhaps could have (but Adam grew up the best human he could have been - by well.... sheer accident? Fate? God's actual Plan?).

If they weren't both so good and kind and dither so much trying to find other ways to stop the Armageddon (I’m looking at you Aziraphale), they could have found Adam in Tadfield and kill him. And if they were truly with their respective sides... well, it all would have gone very differently too.

That's one thing.

They messed up, sure, as far as big grand Ineffable Plans go and nothing went the way they imagined (or were told) but they still played an important role in bringing the whole Armageddon and War plan down. The point is, that everyone there did. In some way. From Anathema to Adam's dad.

Just because it was fine in the end doesn't mean a real possibility of Armageddon wasn't there. Not unless you want to take away all the agency away from Az and Crowley (which is the eternal debate over an omniscient God anyway).

And it's the same across millennia. Just because Aziraphale is extremely cautious about his words, Crowley's words, their actions and the possibility of them being watched or overheard and punished for working together, doesn't mean that the possibility wasn't always there.

It doesn't even mean that the possibility couldn't still be there.

GIF by @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky

They aren't safe. They've never been safe and there was never anywhere to hide or run to.

And Crowley knows that too.

"You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there," he said. "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there," said Aziraphale. "Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy," said Crowley sourly. "Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?" "Sure," said the demon. "There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-" "I meant afterwards." "Oh."

They have suffered already so much; even if they did manage to keep their Earth jobs and their friendship for over 6000 years. Their existence was always fragile.

Aziraphale gets blamed so very often for how cautious he is.

I hate it when this line gets weaponised against Aziraphale. (Yes, I admit, even in fics.) Because, he has nothing to apologise for. He couldn't have done anything differently. There is no way Crowley could would e v e r blame him for saying no to a date. For never saying out loud how he really felt. What he really wanted.

Those things were impossible. And even though Crowley offered, if you actually watch his face after Aziraphale refuses, he is not angry or bitter or offended (as many metas and posts would have him feel). He's sad and thoughtful. Because Crowley knows exactly how much he is loved and cared for by that refusal.

F15 is so tragic because once again, Aziraphale is reminded they are not free. That they are not safe and they have not been left alone.

And this time

he's truly furious about it.

*Controversial perhaps, but you know all those feel-good posts and quotes about asking people in retirement homes or something what'd they have done differently and what are their biggest regrets and they all say (or at least the published picks say) some sort of - I wish I worked less, tried less hard to make money, spent more time with kids and family etc...

Well those can fuck right off. Because I believe that most people would absolutely want to spend more time with their friends and kids and family and less time at work and constantly worrying about money. But that's not how life works, is it. Just because I was lucky so far and managed to pay all bills somehow, doesn't mean that I can just stop worrying about them, does it. Next time, I'd love to know the places these quotes are coming from. Just because Donald didn't spend time with family and is now dying alone doesn't mean his regrets and have anything to do with Tom on the other side of town who worked 3-4 jobs at a time his whole life and his biggest regret anyway is not trying harder (he couldn't have tried any harder) so his kid wouldn't have to work part-time job while at uni. Donald was always a jerk and his regret should be that he was a jerk and didn't pay his taxes so people could stress less about what happens when they lose a job.

Anyway. Rant over.

I know Aziraphale will win his love and his freedom and his happiness. But that doesn't mean that his worries and his caution and his anxiety were ever unfounded.

** When Gabriel claims that most things are fine in the end, he's not exactly contributing to it, is he. It's Aziraphale's stubbornness and caution that keeps him safe.

[songmingisthighs]

Feelings, Feelings

group : ateez

pairing : wooyoung × reader (platonic)

genre : oneshot, hurt/comfort

wc : 1.4 k

warning : shitty friends lmao

a/n : requested by anon

buy me coffee ?

You were not in the best mood and it showed.

The people who woukd usually greet and talk to you seem to avoid you because you looked like you didn't want to be bothered. If the look on your face didn't give it away, your hastened pace and rigid body language absolutely did.

See, you weren't having a bad day. You were actually on the verge of an emotional breakdown. It all started about a week ago when your group of friends talked about going for a night out, bar hopping or clubbing or something and they talked over you completely. One person actually had the decency to ask your opinion directly while the others only said things like 'oh she wouldn't like that' 'that's so not (y/n)' 'she'd just be in the corner being a bummer' and more. While you do realize they were just joking around and trying to be funny, it hurt you that they'd just talk FOR you. Sure, you really didn't like their plans but it HAD been a while since all of you met up and hung out.

So imagine your surprise to see your friends posting a picture of their drinks on their social media accounts.

You stood frozen in the middle of the grocery store when you saw one of their Instagram stories and you even had to sit in a corner as you scroll through your group chat that had been practically dead for 2 days, wanting to see if you missed any updates because as far as you know, they were only talking about a plan and not making actual plans. Now you know why those bitches were so fucking silent.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't 703," Wooyoung called, snickering to himself as he sidled up next to you who was waiting for the elevator. Usually, you wouldn't mind the younger guy because you had been used to his voice. How can you not? The first day you saw him was when he moved in for college. You had just finished your first week of internship and he had accidentally bumped into you. Literally, he dropped a thermos on your foot which prompted you to cry in front of a very confused and panicked 17 year old Wooyoung. Though he was unsure, he sat his boxes aside and just sat there while listening to you rant about how he shouldn't grow up, get out of college, and just go back to his parents' house because working and being independent was so overrated. Rather than focusing on how you were spewing your guts to a complete stranger, Wooyoung was more focused on why a 20 year old sounded like she had gone through 4 divorces and a public scandal.

It was odd how you were able to be vulnerable with him and it was even more odd to find him in front of your door that night with two packs of ramyeon and a huge grin on his face. He confessed he had bothered approximately every apartment on floors 1-6 and half of floor 7 looking for you because he wanted to make sure you were okay. You should've been embarrassed that a guy who's practically a child had to come and comfort you but you didn't. He made you feel comfortable.

Unlike now.

"Go away Wooyoung, I'm not in the mood," you sighed, shifting the grocery bags in your hands slightly. Wooyoung didn't listen, however, instead, he leaned his shoulder on the wall and ducked his head to meet your eyes which you avoided, "I thought you would've been busy with your friends tonight or something. I had to rethink of a new plan to make a move on you!" He teased.

The mention of your friends and hanging out, your blood boiled and your grip on the grocery bags tightened. "Wooyoung," you warned, jaw tightening as you felt your eyeballs burn. "I'm just saying, I thought my sexy little noona would've been out and about," he grinned innocently (despite the words he used).

You dropped your grocery bags and turned around, making way to the stairs. "Whoah, wait!" Wooyoung grabbed your hand and turned you around, "What's wrong?" He said with furrowed eyebrows, genuinely confused as to why you acted that way. He was even more confused when you yanked your hand off his grip and saw tears welling in your eyes.

"You can seriously shove whatever it is you think of me down your throat, Wooyoung," was all you said before you trodded upstairs to your floor.

It was a mistake for you to do that because once you finally made it, you were panting and the blurriness in your eyes was not only caused by your tears but also from the exercise. So you weren't sure if the sight of Wooyoung in front of your apartment was real or a hallucination. He even had your groceries in his hands.

"Go home, Woo," you sighed, sniffling as you fumble for your keys in your bag. This time he wasn't as vocal, only shrugging until you opened your door and slipped in together with you despite your clear expression of annoyance but you still let him in. You both were silent as you removed your shoes and settled your things, Wooyoung helping put things away which was how he noticed you buying your favourite cereal and milk, a comfort "dinner" for whenever you felt like your life was on the verge of tipping into pure chaos and you just don't have any time and energy to give a fuck about crap like dinner. "I'm not going to entertain you, Woo," you stated, voice cracking slightly as tears welled up in your eyes again all the while you tried to busy yourself by putting things away.

You hadn't noticed it initially but when you turned to kick him out again, you saw him with a bowl of your cereal and a soft smile on his face. "If what you need is me out, then I will go but not until I see you eat," he stated, putting the bowl on your counter and sauntering over to pull you so he could sit you down to eat.

In your head, you knew how ashamed you were for needing Wooyoung who's around 3 years younger than you to take care of you. But it felt nice to be tended to for once. Amongst your friends who were around the same age as or older than you, you were always expected to keep things together because they don't really have the time or energy to deal with what they labelled as "personal bullshit". Or maybe they're just a bunch of bitches dressed in fake prada and cheap jewellery that were slowly turning green with each wear. Wooyoung had once expressed how he doesn't like your friends because of what they were saying about you to your face even in front of him who was a stranger to them but they didn't seem to care. Heck, they seem to enjoy being annoying, catty bitches.

Thinking that you weren't going to eat in front of him, Wooyoung smiled and squeezed your hand once before turning to leave but this time, you stopped him. You grabbed him by the arm and with quivering lips, you looked up at him, "D-do you think y-you can accompany me eat on the couch? I-I think I'm gonna need company," you asked.

Without hesitation, Wooyoung nodded and pulled you into a gentle and warm hug. "Can this 'company' include watching A Man Called Otto? Because San watched it without me and he cried so I wanted to know if the movie was really THAT sad or if he was just being a bitch," he pulled away just as he heard you chuckling and felt you nodding, "Only if you have a bowl of cereal with me."

As you watched Wooyoung busy himself with getting his own bowl of cereal and making both of you comfortable on your couch, you realized that it was stupid of you to have been upset to be left behind by your supposed friends. Sure, it sucks to be singled out and heard how your friends make you sound so lame. But honestly? Being in your own home with Wooyoung loudly commenting about the movies as you spoon cereal and milk into your mouth, you wouldn't have it any other way.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet @pirateeznet

taglist :

@kodzukein @phenomenalgirl9 @skzatzloveismonsterous @memorymonster @surveilenceysystem @dreamlesswonder86 @maddiebabyxoxo @imababywolf @do-you-actually-care @marievllr-abg @ilsedingsx @wasteitonserendipity @bbymatz @noonaishere @honeyhwaaa @ateezourstars @yoonjunshi @yoongiigolden @camillelafaye @charreddonuts @kpopnightingale @starryunho @atinct @mirror-juliet @hyuckilstan @jayb17 @kpoplover718 @haatohwa @x-bluee @erinaimeexx @blackb3ll @mingiholic @angelicyeo @vampcharxter @meowmeowminnie @marvelous-llama @kawennote09 @hongjoong-lovebot @stopeatread @spooo00oky @jwnghyuns @cutie-wooyo @asjkdk @shinotani @aestheticsluut @mingiberrii

@chloepurpy

[hailthedoll]

Meeting in Helvete

i originally wanted to make it very like cutesy and then I didn't(?) lmfao idk. I'll probably change it later summary is just meeting euronymous for the first time<3

"helvete" your friend said. you looked at the building across the street from the restaurant you were eating at. of course you've heard of it; you've heard all about the black metal scene, but your friends aren't those types of people; they're not involved in dark things, and they don't even listen to metal music.

"hmm, cool," you said while taking a bite from your food, looking at your friends whose eyes were fixed on the building. "we should go there when we're done," your eyes wandered towards the building. "great" you thought; if its anything like what you've been told, you were bound to be in for some embarrassment from your friends' comments.

walking towards the store, you began to notice the details on the building, the posters hanging on the windows, and the darker aura that was that store specifically. when you walked in, you were hit with the smell of cigarettes and aged memorabilia; it was dark. you turned to your friends, whose faces had dropped compared to the previous look they had walking towards the building.

"can I help you?" you turned around, seeing the man standing behind the counter; he had dark, long hair that fell over his eyes, his voice was cold, and his eyes barely even moved from the vinyl he was holding. he had to have been euronymous.

"no we're just browsing." you turned back around, facing your friends; they had grabbed a vinyl, pointing at the cover, whispering to one another, laughing. you sighed and rolled your eyes, looking back at the man you realized he had finally looked up, his eyes piercing at you. "i dont think this is the right place for you and your friends" he said. you could hear his tone has gone from cold to slightly annoyed.

your friend held up another record. "look at this one; I didn't know they had children's music here." you looked at her in disbelief. a sound came from behind you; the man had walked over to the group. "children's music? that's what this is to you?" you were speechless; the feeling of embarrassment washed over you. "there's no way." you thought to yourself.

"I'm sorry, the music isn't for everyone, and it's clearly not for them" you uttered out. "but its for you?" he chuckled. "and why would that be funny?" you snapped back, he scanned your face, looking for any sign that you might just be fucking with him. you kept yourself emotionless, wanting him to know that you are interested in the music. "its the essence of life, its the truth," he spoke passionately, looking at you then turning to your friends. "its easier to make fun of what you don't understand."

the look on his face was frustration; like he has explained this multiple times before, your face softens as you hear your friends snicker. "ok I want to understand." the moment the words left your lips, you and the man locked eyes, and the laughter in the background faded. "what's your name?" he asked, tilting his head while looking down at you. "its y/n", he smirked in response. "y/n, I want to see you and only you in here again" he walks back to the counter where he once was.

"definitely-" you paused, looking at him for help, trying to find out what you should be calling me. "you can call me euronymous" he smiled. your friend pointed to a poster on the wall. "uhh hey, euronymous-" she said, exaggerating his name. "is this art or is this just borderline messed up?" that was your queue to get your friends the fuck out of this place. "maybe it's both" he says, his tone once again back to being annoyed. 

"oook, well, I think its time we get going" you say, sighing. euronymous smiled at you. "yeah, this place is too weird," your friend belted. you started to push your friends towards the door, turning back to look at euronymous, he was staring at you, a soft expression filled his face.

"I look forward to seeing you again," his voice turned soft and calmer. he watched you and your friends leave, and as you walked away, the excitement of seeing him again filled your thoughts.

[cursedcupcakemaster]

can I please order a Spider Cider and Poison apple pie x reader yandere reader.

sincerely 🦝 anon (if you don't mind me being called that) sent with love because your a lovey person

Happy spooky season!

Aww that's sweet and I don't mind calling you that and congratulations you're my first double Dutch poison apple pie requestor 🦝 anon

Order; double dutch poison apple pie and a glass of spider cider

Notes; I do not own twisted wonderland, Skully or the reader,Skully and Twst belong to Disney as well as the brilliant mind of Yana Toboso, reader belongs to themselves, this is just my interpretation of how this would go with the character, reader isn't neccesarily Yuu but if you want to imagine they are you're welcome to, y/n, reader is you

Warnings;yandere reader and yandere, reader and Skully Skully may or may not have killed a few people, implied death, implied minor cannibalism(?),descriptions of blood

Yandere Skully J. X yandere reader

Sickly sweet

Everyone adored your sweet shop and you just loved baking for everyone, but there was a favorite customer of yours

Skully J. Graves, the most handsome man in town at least to you anyways

His order was always the same a glass of apple cider and a slice of your pumpkin pie

Just seeing him made your heart race and brought a genuine smile to your face

You would secretly watch him enjoy the treat and just seeing the happy expression he would make on the first bite made you feel so giddy

It helped that you always had an extra special ingredient that helped you get so popular

Sadly today you weren't greeted with the usual smile of Skully, he looked positively miserable

You went over to ask Skully what was wrong and he told you about how everyone threw his invitations in the trash

He had been telling you about a wonderful party he was planning this year, even asked you to make treats for the event since no one could do it the way you could

"I'll just have to cancel it if no one will come" the skeleton like man said with gloom in his voice

An idea crossed your mind before you spoke

"Don't cancel it just yet Skully, I'll find a way to convince them"

Your words managed to calm him down before he hugged you tightly thanking you but it was time to put your plan into action

When it was time for the party you arrived with a load of guests behind you many of them smiling

Skully had gone all out with the decorations including those lovely little games that one would have for kids of guessing what was inside a jar and feeling it

Inside them were rather odd feelings

Skully was very happy with the treats you had brought, your lovely red velvet cake and a few meat pies, lollipops bright red of course you included your famous pumpkin pie Just for him

The guest all throughout never really said anything fearing it would upset you or skully

Skully raised a brow when one of the guests seemed ready to go home within a few minutes of eating your meat pie until you said you'd handle it

The guest wasn't seen for the rest of the party after

After a while you danced with skully who asked to meet in private after the party was over

When you did he smiled at you "I'll keep your secret if you keep mine " he spoke

"Oh? And which one is that Skully?" You giggled

"Your secret ingredient you made extra with it today just for me right?" He asked

"I did but don't worry if anyone says anything I'll be sure to treat them the same way I did the last one"

"Funny I found some extra"

He showed you the last people who had been rude to you in your shop that went missing months ago

Their organs were missing from their insides to their eyes, this would normally frighten anyone but certainly not someone who was used to cooking with those parts

This made you smile because it meant there was someone as crazy about you as you were them and now you had a little baking partner who would throw the best parties every year on Halloween

All with a secret ingredient along with love

[pumpkinbxtch]

“unbearable?” ✿.｡*

— frank zhang x fem!reader

Summary: When Frank confesses his love to you, the reaction he gets from you is not what he expected, as you have always thought that he hated you. warnings: none, just language a/n: welcome to my first frank blurb, he's so fuckn cute. i love him. sorry if it's very weird.

— I like you— As soon as that sentence ended, your ears felt empty and your skin bristled. Your mind started working a thousand times faster, but all you managed was to let out a silly snort.

That was enough for Frank to take two steps back; he wished he could jump to another continent at that very moment, to a place where no one would ever see him again, especially you. All those nights he stayed awake practicing his confession seemed to have been in vain, even the talks with Piper on how to treat you. Everything seemed to have simply gone down the stupid toilet.

Unintentionally, both of you fell into silence. Each had an expression that the other would have mocked if not for the situation. Your tongue failed you, but you began to murmur and shake your head.

— Frank, this is not funny.

The boy opened his eyes and also started shaking his head, totally confused by your accusation. How could you think he was joking about his feelings? But above all, what gnawed at him inside was, what had Frank done to make you think that way? He had no fucking idea.

—Excuse me?— He whimpered. It wasn't his intention, but his heart was breaking, and you were rubbing it in the dust with every expression you made.

It surprised you; after your words, you expected him to give you that strange look and leave in silence with a mocking laugh. Why? Because that was practically what Frank always did.

From your perspective, the son of Mars always seemed tired of you. No matter what you tried, he always brushed you off with strange glances, furrowed brows, and a completely tense body.

Remember that time you bought him a bear-shaped ice pop because it reminded you of him? You recall how happy you were searching for him to give it to him, “he will love it,” you thought, “with this, I can get closer to him,” you believed, but when you could hand him the gift…

“Thank you,” he said, without any damn expression on his face. His shoulders completely stiff and his brow deeply furrowed. He quickly walked away from you after finishing the sentence, and you didn't see him again in the evening.

On that occasion and many more, you had no doubt, Frank couldn't stand you.

And how wrong you were. Frank was just holding back the urge to laugh like an idiot in front of you, to not sweat excessively or make any exaggerated movements that would give away his feelings for you. You misinterpreted everything, while he thought he was being gentle with you and slowly connecting the dots to be more than just your friend.

Frank had the best strategy in mind to win you over, but apparently, of all his plans and strategies, that one had not been successful other than making you think he hated you. Someone bury him alive!

— It's not funny — you repeated, popping your thoughts, and looked around. There were small arrangements in the park, some lights, and a blanket folded over a picnic basket. That made you doubt.

—I'm not joking —he took a step towards you. If you didn't reciprocate, it was fine, he would cry later, but he had to make it clear. He couldn't leave things like that.

— You are — you accused, and he started to despair.

— No! I like you! Isn't it obvious? 

You huffed.

— Well, it's not! You hate me! Wasn't that obvious? 

— No! —He complained exasperatedly.

Both sighed and looked at each other in silence with doubt. You started to tremble, the night was approaching, and the air was getting cold. You just wanted to go back to your cabin, but things weren't getting any better. You wished you could bite your tongue and not have reacted that way. What if Frank was serious, what chances did that leave you? Your stomach began to twist, and you let out a small groan.

— So do you like me? 

Frank's cheeks started to turn pink, and his stuttering made you feel guilty. Damn it, damn it, damn it. What were you missing out on?

— Frank— You called him, and he started stuttering even faster. You feared he might turn into a swarm of bees and run away. — FRANK

The boy felt a drop of sweat running down his back, his breathing quickened. He never thought things would turn out this way. He let out a groan, clenched his hands.

— YES, I LIKE YOU — Pop. And he turned into a bear. Typical.

You opened your eyes wide and let out a laugh, then two, which turned into a fit of laughter. Frank was dying of embarrassment, but he decided to stay in that form. Maybe you would leave, and he could hide for the rest of his life, but you kept laughing.

Things got complicated, turned strange, but you knew you had to talk about it no matter what. How did you feel about Frank? You weren't sure because you never had the chance to define it, but he seemed sweet, very attentive.

Maybe deep down you always wanted his attention, that's why you tried to connect with him so many times.

You inhaled and exhaled, after the last laughs, Frank had sat on his bear's hindquarters, and you sat on the grass. The lights he had apparently set up finally shone in the darkness, resembling fireflies. You looked at him in his brown fur.

— I thought you hated me… — you sighed. — I had no idea, Frank… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with my reaction.

He let out a growl, you never wished so much to understand bear language. Without hesitation, you stroked his head.

— Frank… — You called him a bit more insistently, and the son of Mars transformed again. His pale face was illuminated by the small lights, shyness still evident in him. Your hand ended up on the boy's forearm, but you didn't remove it. On the contrary, you tightened your grip, catching his attention.

— I was very naive, I thought I was making it clear that I liked you — You let out another giggle and hugged yourself when another gust of wind blew against both of you. Frank didn't hesitate for two seconds and took off his jacket to drape it over your shoulders. You thanked him with a glance, and he smiled.

—That's one of the few smiles you've given me… I always saw you very tense or serious around me. I stopped trying to engage with you…

This caused a pang in Frank's chest, and he gently shook his head.

—I should have tried harder.— It was your turn to shake your head. You wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault or give him encouragement, but you saw a better opportunity.

You walked over to the basket and tightened the jacket around your shoulders to keep it from falling when you picked it up. You lifted it into the air.

— Did you have something planned? — You inquired with a raised eyebrow, making Frank blush. It made a knot form in your stomach, but this time with a better feeling. You weren't blind; you always knew he was terribly handsome.— We can mend this lack of communication. What better way than with something you created? 

Frank nodded and walked towards you. He crouched to pick up the blanket and took the basket from your hands.—Let me do it.

You let him. As he set up the picnic, you felt anxious.

— Frank, I didn't really answer you…— He looked up at you and shrugged it off, but you ignored it. — And I won't until you've set up enough picnics to convince me.

He noticed your smile and the way you swayed as you spoke, with your hair flowing and his jacket covering your body. Damn, Frank would become the best fucking picnic expert if it meant increasing his chances with you.

[love-evetor]

May i request romantic! Pest x gn!reader headcanons ples im hungr y

QUITE LATE here is ur food anon served on a paperplate . eat up i hope it isn't word slop

obligatory this is not beta read LMAO its 6 am but i saw the ask and i started Writing sorry if i messed up 202049823008 words and have the grammar of an infant /exag

unsurprisingly, he is.. a bit of a dick! generally cold and silent and will probably look dazed when you show them affection. he's very dense as well, subtle little things go RIGHT over his head.

he has his struggles with emotional intimacy as well, gift giving and acts of service end up being their primary love languages. he loves to give you gifts of little things he creates and has definitely made a little machine guy for you! it doesn't do much though, just flashes some little messages of care.

continuing on his machinery, they spend a LOT of time on those things. its one of the only things you'll get him to talk about for more than a few sentences - absolutely in-love with the way robotics work. that being said, they will 100% ramble to you. they're normally not that emotional, but it makes him really happy when someone listens to him about his robotics. he'll go out of his way to help you understand, even!

more physical stuff, their mandibles do get in the way sometimes. the ones on his mouth are a little rough but kept clean, so they aren't too bad when it comes to kisses. the head ones though can be a little uncomfortable, having to slot yourself in-between them and they've scratched against you a few times. they've never hurt you though, only tickle a little, caused for a few funny moments.

cuddling, hugs, all that stuff with them they're INSANELY open for. will he ever ask for it himself? no, but its almost like he can sense when you're about to ask with how fast he says yes. he might be a teensy bit touch starved, but you'll never get them to admit that lmao

you, 100%, WILL catch him staring. he is captivated in you, that much is obvious - over and over again staring at you with the most love struck eyes before jumping and quickly looking away every time you catch him. he'll play it off like it hasn't happened every time, don't even get him to TRY and admit it you will FAIL

more of a detail, but he chitters a lot when you both cuddle - more or less mumbling to him. yet, it makes little rumbles in his chest and its obvious when he's doing it. you aren't supposed to know what he's saying, its in his native language of course - but its all sweet nothings. he does it subconsciously, but its cute nonetheless.

to end on a rather soft note, he loves you more than you ever know no matter what. you infect his mind, his work, his hobbies and he hates it in a way - but all in all he doesn't want it gone. :}

[lady-z-writes]

Sal Maroni x reader

Only because I'd searched the tags weeks ago and found nothing, then saw @like-sunflower post asking for some...

Did I type this at 2am and now it's 3 and I can't sleep? Yes. Regrets, I have none.

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

A phone call wakes you up at 2am. You're bleary-eyed and dazed, but you fumble for the ringing thing and answer without looking. Someone calling you this late, must be important.

"Hey, duchess...I...uh...m'outside."

You'd know that voice anywhere, had heard it countless times - in the echo of expanse hallways, over the collect call a time or several, whispered in the dark over a nice glass of something you couldn't pronounce...

That voice was expensive; privileged, untouchable, haunting...imprisoned.

"You pay somebody off again to get a late-night call, Sal?" You flip on the beside lamp, stir in bed, pull your bare knees up to your chest, oversized hoodie riding up as you do so. "You're talking crazy again."

A groan sounds on the other line and you bite your tongue through a blush.

So, you had a crush. So what? Out of pure respect for Nadia, you'd never acted on it.

Though she saw right through you; was humored by it, never threatened. A lady like that was very aware of her place.

Sal loved his wife.

That didn't mean she was unaware of the flirtation. From both of you.

Called you out on it over drinks one night. Thought it'd be funny to watch you squirm; see the shame spread through you.

Powerful people often play with their prey.

It'd been the last time you'd seen them; when she'd teased you to "go ahead" and "seduce my husband."

Mortified. You'd been mortified.

After all your years of friendship, that was how it ended.

Perhaps she'd been pushing you away, you'd later realized, when the news spread that he'd been arrested. Maybe it was to protect your heart. Nadia had always been a caring friend; stoic, calculated.

But it didn't tame the hurt.

"I'm serious," Sal's voice cuts through your thoughts, very much in the present moment, as he waits for you.

Sure enough, one glance out your window and you can see the oversized man leaned against the doorframe to the entrance of your building, waiting to be buzzed up.

Heart in your throat, you let him in.

You probably should have put on pants, you realize, as you stumble for the door.

His presence crowds the doorway. He's always had that effect - taking over a room, holding space, commanding respect.

You're crazy about it.

Would fall to your knees the second he asked.

It'd been teased before, over late-night drinks. Nadia struggled with chronic migraines that would knock your good friend on her ass and often, your weekly wine dates were spent with Sal - alone - instead.

Nothing ever happened, but your mind loved to wander those nights.

Sal was a flirt. Only words. Only innuendo. But it didn't stop you from fantasizing. Those hands. That voice. The power.

...

You realize your lack of clothing immediately as he raises a brow once the door opens.

The look is gone quickly as he composes himself and you let him in.

Your apartment isn't much, nothing like the grand rooms at his place; the high ceilings, the spacious kitchen counter you'd have loved for him to fuck you on...

"Nadia's gone,"

His voice is hollow, the statement like ice water thrown on you.

You almost ask what he means by this. There'd been a very clear escape plan for her, say things got rough for their family. You hoped he'd meant that she fled.

When he looks up at you from your kitchen table, his eyes are bloodshot, tears welled up.

The sob that escapes you would be embarrassing, were it anyone else. The tears cloud your vision and you almost crumple to the floor in grief.

But he's got you. His hands pull you into him and you're seated in his lap in seconds; a scene you'd imagined a time or several before, but not under these circumstances.

Nadia had been a good friend for many years. You'd known her before Sal, before any of this darkness the city brought upon you, when your future felt bright, when college classes were your only worry. She'd been your classmate. Your confidant.

Which is why it hurt so much when she'd pushed you away, months ago. Now you were convinced she'd smelled blood in the water - knew of the sharks circling the family. She had a way with the universe like that, even before Sal and all his money. She was effervescent.

And just like that, the spark of her was gone.

As was their son.

...

Oz.

Fucking. Oz.

Of course it was Oz.

You'd poured drinks. Three glasses, like usual. An empty space for Nadia now, as Sal told his tale of woe.

It was numbing, really. This city takes and it takes, but you never quite get used to it.

A stuttered movement from Sal has you questioning him. So unlike him to slip up. You know him well enough by now to see when something's amiss.

A quick wince, but you'd noticed.

"It's nothing," he insists. "I patched it."

Only his patch jobs were garbage, and you'd had to stitch him up before.

"Let me see."

Hesitation, but eventually, the shirt raises, and you see the gore from the stab wound.

His voice comes out strained after a long drink, "You were always so good at fixing - so good at finding things to fix."

You nod softly, grateful for the kind words. "Some things I can't."

His desperate stare finds you in the dim light and you know - you know - why he sought you out tonight.

Twenty minutes later, the wound is cleaned and dressed. He's shirtless on your couch and the alcohol is doing too much right now.

"She loved you, God, she loved you..." he whispers.

"And she loved you," you acknowledge, fighting back tears.

You're met with nods, a long blink, a shaking inhale.

"I've lost many," he pauses. "These ones ache."

You understand.

"This is a hurt that can't be fixed, Salvatore." You know it's why he showed up tonight.

"Can we try?"

His hand on your bare thigh, you meet eyes with him and fight every instinct, ignore every memory of every flirtation all those nights.

It's wrong.

You know this.

He's hurting.

You're grieving.

Yet, you straddle those thick thighs and move your lips with his.

It feels a little like fixing, after all.

[my-name-is-bunnyfoxy]

Do you have any Fluffybunny (Jax x Pomni) headcanons in mind?

Not much really. Although I can come up with a few!

Jax actually does hold a little admiration for Pomni's determination in wanting to escape. The only person he has ever seen like this was Kaufmo. He does also kind of find it stupid but given how almost everyone acted like that before, he expected it and doesn't blame her all that much.

On that topic, while most of Jax's sarcasm and teasing was rather him doing it out of fun and just cause he wanted to be an ass, he also wanted to lighten the mood for Pomni when she first arrived.

Jax has probably been at the circus for a long time and most likely acts the way he does because well- there are no real consequences. If he broke something it might just be respawned and or fixed by Caine in a snap of a finger. He has probably witnessed a bunch of crap so like mentioned before, he might try to lighten the mood up.

Jax clearly has been shown to like pranks and obviously bully the others and since jester's are rather meant to be funny, he believes Pomni would like it too. So he invites her to prank the others, although, she doesn't really like how sometimes his pranks can become genuinely cruel that calling his pranks mean is an understatement. She says she isn't gonna be apart of any of his pranks. Unfortunately that leads to him pranking her now.

I believe in later episodes, perhaps Jax, Ragatha and Pomni are gonna be often seen together and Pomni will probably cause of this reason, warm up to Jax and even predict his actions. Jax can't help but genuinely be surprised by her predicting his actions and words. He ends up feeling impressed and maybe even flattered which is why he ends up teasing her about it that he might have a secret admirer who constantly watches him. Pomni easily gets annoyed by this and would get upset if Jax one time says he has a stalker when that is not true. Jax kind of cuts it out seeing how annoyed she gets, but still teases every once in a while.

Regarding Gummigo's death, Jax does see Pomni genuinely upset and saddened by his death and what had happened to him. So, to get her to let go of those feelings, he tells her that he is fine and that Caine often just returns them back to where they originally were. Of course- in his own way of words. "Calm down Poms, that guy is probably fine. Caine just takes them back to their original maps and that's it. Now you can stop being sad and thinking he is gone forever when really he is probably doing just fine."

Pomni would try to keep asking Jax if that is the case and he just tells her that this has happened many times and Caine often just takes them back to where they originally belonged. Pomni would feel a lot of relief knowing that, at the very least Gummigo is safe and unharmed. Jax just glad she cut the bullcrap and ain't thinking about him anymore and can finally relax for once.

Perhaps, Jax warms up to Pomni eventually and maybe starts getting more comfortable. Like I mentioned in the 1st headcannon that Jax has an admiration for Pomni's determination, I believe Jax would admire that she is somehow surprisingly going well and slowly getting used to her new home. He expected that, considering what had happened when she first arrived, she would still be insistent on trying to escape and would have probably gone insane by now but no. She actually seems fine. To be honest- Jax- sort of respects that. He has seen others going insane almost immediately and abstracting easily, so Pomni becoming used to the circus after what had went down, makes him hold to some level respect(?). He genuinely assumed she would abstract but nope. He slowly claps her for that. Could deserve more but it's Jax we are talking about really.

Not really the best at coming up with headcannons and apologies if maybe this seems out of character with some of these. Okay that's about it.

[sea-you-in-paradise]

Hi can I please get an Erwin x secret wife reader? Just a lot of fluff and how the scouts finds out that their commander is a married man. Thank you

homie... this is the cutest ask ever oh my god i'm fucking giggling over this and i'm not even an erwin girly

summary: erwin smith x secret wife reader: meeting, married life, and the discovery word count: 1.449 setting: canonverse features: erwin smith fem!reader warnings: season 2 & 3 spoilers

when erwin smith met you, not even his resolve to stay away from relationships could stop him from falling in love. and somewhat unfortunately, there was no stopping you from loving him back.

frankly, your relationship was the last thing erwin wanted. being a scout, the commander of the scouts nonetheless, meant that tomorrow was never promised. with the disproportionately slim chance of surviving his career until retirement, he had made a silent promise to stay away from love. of course, meeting you changed that in spite of his better judgement...

-it was shortly after erwin had been named the new commander of the scouts. after is appointment, he often went and got a beer at this small tavern in one of sina's outlier districts so he could try to organize his thoughts

-you were the one to approach him, asking if he was alright because he looked a little dejected. erwin, always hellbent on demonstrating his strength, overcompensated a little bit and exuded a little too much of his illusive confidence

-you laughed at him and told him that he acts like a politician

-it wasn't often that someone saw through him, he found it intriguing. you talked for awhile that nigh, expecting to go your separate ways, but you ran into him there a few more times, and when you did, you would sit together and talk. eventually, you organized some cafe dates on sunday mornings. you didn't actually know who he was until your fifth or sixth meeting, which was funny to you because he never thought to mention it, and funny to him because he thought you knew all along

-you made him realize that there was more to life than discovering the unknown- that there was a lot of value in what he already had. he made you think more about your existence in the walls. you challenged each other

-within a year of meeting, you were married. you decided that if you were determined to be in a relationship, it was best that you went all in since time might end up being short

-married life with erwin doesn't always feel like married life. there's a lot of being alone for both of you while he's away on missions or in other districts for planning and other administrative tasks

-he sends you letters if he's away for more than a week. they are not very emotional letters and they don't ever detail anything specific about people, just events. but he is sure to tell you about the things he thinks you would enjoy the most- like how he saw a sunset that reminded him of one you watched together early in your relationship

-he's the type to be like "i'm not a romantic, but.." and then write something really gushy lol

-when he gets home, he likes to bake those cookies that are shaped like flowers with jam in the middle. he has mastered his family recipe for them. he feels like it's a nice way to show you how much he still cares about you after being away from home for so long

-when you're together, he tries to be very present with you. he enjoys cooking meals together and playing card games

-his love language is acts of service so he really wants to make you feel at ease when he's home because he's sure it stresses you out a lot when he isn't. he ends up doing a lot around the house, even if nothing really needs to be done. like especially on longer stretches of being home, he would start home improvement projects if there was nothing to clean or help with. somehow, he always finishes them even if it's at the expense of a decent night's sleep

-he has a home office, but he does his best to only do work after you've gone to sleep/before you wake up if it's his day off (this man is always working :( even if he doesn't have a deadline)

-you don't usually go out on the town. it's exhausting travelling as much as he does, so he likes to feel like he has a real home base and spend a lot of time there

-definitely "lets" you win arguments, but he still thinks you're wrong lol

-he is a bath man. like he spends an unhealthy amount of time in the tub if he has the time for it. he likes salts that help with soreness and he likes when you take them together so you can just talk about your day

-if you were part of something like a book club/knitting group/something where other women get together and do granny activities, erwin loves when you host. he is making cocktails/tea and hanging out with you all to get the latest gossip. he doesn't like to interact with too many of his coworkers bc he doesn't want to get attached lmao, but he loves knowing the neighborhood tea

-"ingrid, waiting for him to come to his senses is a waste of your time. you deserve someone who respects you." (needless to say, everyone loves him.)

-because of stuff like this, you aren't exactly secretly married. like your family and friends all know that you are married to the scouts' commander, they just know better than to run their mouth about it. erwin just never talks about his personal life at work

-his section commanders all know, but they were all super shocked to find out. everyone would have been up late working on a plan or something and he finally tells them to go home. someone would have asked a last minute question and he's like, "tomorrow. i'm late for dinner." and hange is the only one bold enough to be like, "haha, you got a secret wife or something?" and he just raises a thick eyebrow like "my wife isn't a secret."

-everyone was shook and waited for him to leave to talk about it and try to figure out the lore

-levi found out later, awhile after he joined the scouts when he heard everyone gossiping about you two. he pretended he didn't care but the man was shocked

-you might meet a few section commanders/captains over the years by picking him up at work for a date or eating lunch with him in his office when he's in the capital, but the introduction is always brief and it's never long enough for you to get to know anyone

-any day that you plan to visit him at work, he calls miche into his office beforehand and tells him that he's not allowed to sniff you in the event that you meet

-when erwin loses his arm and levi finds out, he's obviously pissed that he couldn't have been there to help, but all he ends up saying at first is "sucks for the mrs."

-when erwin comes home for the first time after this, he almost feels embarrassed that he can't be doing things on his own, and terrible that he can't do things for you like usual. tbh, he'd ve kind of aloof at first bc mans is avoidant, so you'd have to show him that you're not throwing in the towel

-it's a massive moment of vulnerability for him when you help him out with things that used to be second nature, like buttoning his shirt and writing. however, he spends a lot of time at home while he's healing and although there are some moments of tension, you grow together a lot

-hange would offhandedly mention you at the beginning of the events of season 3, like half joking and half curious. "you think erwin's wife is gonna leave him? he lost an arm and now he's in prison. that's gotta test the ol' vows."

-levi would glare at them in utter disbelief like ?? "honestly, shitty glasses. where do you get the nerve?" and sasha and connie would overhear and look at each other and just go off the rails trying to piece it all together, like trying to figure out if they missed signs or smth

-levi squad uses this as a distraction from the horrors of humanity within the walls :D

-overall, erwin values you and your relationship above any other relationship he has. he wants to protect you from getting attached to his coworkers because it's bad enough that you fell in love in the first place. he considers your relationship the most selfish and self indulgent thing he's taken part in, but he can't bring himself to feel remorse because you're impossible not to love and he wants you waiting for him when he gets home

[faketrex]

More cakegate bodyswap? More cakegate bodyswap. Part 3, in which our heroes are remarkably ill-suited to subterfuge.

To be continued.

...

SHARING A SLICE... part 3

RWRB, rated T, 650 words (this part).

(click here for part 1) (part 2)

...

As much as Alex hates agreeing with Henry about anything, they see eye-to-eye on this: they can't tell anyone. No sisters, no best friends, no Secret Service or PPOs. This secret is theirs and only theirs.

Alex had never imagined he would share any secrets with Henry, let alone one that could cause an international incident.

Well... a second international incident. The caketastrophe probably already had to count as one.

Keeping the secret makes Alex's video call with Zahra complicated.

“—you're going to sit your butt in the residence, go to class, and not get papped until we do damage control.”

Henry-as-Alex makes a pissy face. Off-screen, silent and out of range of the phone's camera, Alex kicks him. “Assuredly, by all means,” Henry stammers.

Alex scribbles in his notebook and turns it around, holding it in Henry's line of sight and shaking it to get his attention. TALK LIKE A HUMAN. Henry’s frown deepens.

“If anyone asks about the prince, you stick to ‘no comment,’ is that clear?”

BE A HUMAN YOU DUMBASS. Alex taps the paper for emphasis.

“Alex. Is that perfectly clear?”

“Bloody crystal,” Henry mutters.

Exasperated, Alex throws up his hands. Never mind his mom, Zahra’s gonna kill him, which means she'll kill Henry since he’s still in Alex's body.

ISN'T YOUR DAD AN ACTOR?? he scrawls. WHERE DID THOSE GENES GO??? When Alex turns the notebook around again and Henry reads it, he recoils as if Alex had slapped him, mouth dropping open.

“You have no—” Henry starts, but Zahra doesn't let him finish his thought.

“What the hell, Alex, are you listening to me?”

Subterfuge is clearly a lost cause where Henry is concerned. Alex has to intervene. He crosses to sit next to Henry, deliberately coming into frame on-screen.

“Oh, your royal highness—”

“Please,” Alex says, “call me Henry. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to inform you of the plan.”

“The plan,” Zahra repeats slowly.

“Yes, it hasn’t been fully vetted by my staff—” Henry makes a noise and Alex pinches his thigh to shut him up, “—but hopefully you can help expedite things from your end.”

“I can certainly try. God knows your country loves protocol.”

“In the interest of resolving this as soon as f— as soon as feasible,” Alex clears his throat, “we've agreed Alex should remain in London for a few days. We’ll put on a horse and pony show for the press to demonstrate there are no hard feelings.”

It's Henry's turn to step on Alex's foot, but Alex ignores him. They hadn't had time to discuss a plan before Zahra had called. Piloting Henry's body around the White House wouldn't exactly go unnoticed — and Henry taking Alex's body home while Alex stays in England and pretends to be a prince sounds like a nightmare.

Henry had been right earlier: Alex can't leave yet.

“Alex,” Zahra is saying, “I can take this up the ladder, but you need to promise you'll hold up your end of the bargain.”

“What—” Henry begins.

“It's a decent plan, but you need to sell it.”

“I—”

“You need to act like the sun shines out of his dick, do you hear me?”

Henry's mouth snaps shut.

“I'm sure he'll excel,” Alex jumps in. “Who wouldn't be thrilled to have the company of a prince?”

Zahra snorts. “Alex?”

Alex can see Henry’s face pinching again, but he nods. “It's the best plan we have.”

That bar is really low; it's the only plan they have.

“I'll be in touch tomorrow,” Zahra says. “And Alex?”

“Yes?”

“No funny business.”

“Of course not,” Alex-as-Henry protests, syrupy-sweet. “I assure you, my family takes foreign diplomacy very seriously. I even drove an American car, once.”

The screen has hardly gone dark before Henry smacks him with a decorative pillow. Alex doesn't regret it.

...

(Part 4)

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

[possessionisamyth]

okay, hi, im back extremely briefly but just hear me out this time!!!

So pre-time skip Sanji goes up to Usopp and asks the age old question "how did you know you were trans?" At first, Usopp's hackles go up for a split second. She hasnt been able to physically transition anything, just socially, and it's hard enough getting anyone outside her crew to believe her. Therefore, this does rub her the wrong way until she recognizes Sanji's tone as being genuine and not condescending. She notices the hesitancy in his posture and the concern in his eyes before she takes up her usual role of lightening the mood.

Usopp explains how it's kinda funny actually. That Ninjin from her village had a pet cat who absolutely hated all men except for Usopp. At the time, Usopp bragged about being one of the world's greatest animal tamers, but it was the hint she needed to start really looking at herself. Sanji interrupts with a hand on his chin in thought and says something like "okay, yeah, animals confirm your gender" and Usopp stops him right there. She then explains that it was actually Luffy's spiel on being themselves and following their dreams that made her take the leap with the social transitioning aspect she struggles with off of Going Merry. She asks Sanji why the question, but Sanji says he's just curious cause he's only really ever run into drag queens and Usopp was far from being the type (even if her wardrobe got a little too silly sometimes). The subject changes to ideas for dinner before Sanji walks off to do his chores. Yet, the conversation sticks in the back of Usopp's mind like a little footnote.

At some point she is able to slowly start physically transitioning, and during this she catches Sanji saying things that are just kind of strange in a familiar way. She doesn't acknowledge it though. She's honestly surprised she notices half the time considering all the other shit they got going on.

Then the group is separated, and Sanji is on drag queen island for a long time. He has a lot of talks with people that make him both extremely uncomfortable, royally pissed off, or terrified and questioning. By the time his tenure on the island starts coming to a close, Sanji faces some very hard truths about how he's treated people and how he's treated himself. So, understandably, when she shows up to meet everyone at Sabaody she's a little nervous. She doesn't let it show though. She was just happy Ivankov's kindness didn't come with a drawback. She also has a little vial for a friend with her cause like, it's easier to skip where you can right?

When she runs into Zoro and he doesn't bat an eye while they get into their angry banter, Sanji starts to relax. Everyone came back different, which means they did what they were supposed to do. Get stronger to take on the new world. She thanks the sea that she isn't attracted to any of the motley men on their ship. It was a real scare with the drag queens that she might find herself pitching for the other team after the transition, but her love for women remained in full force.

This thought occurs the exact moment she sees Usopp. Three words hit Sanji like arrows piercing through her body at the sight of Usopp, which is Strong, Busty, and Beautiful. Usopp's hair was so long now??? Did her smile get even cuter???? Why the hell was she wearing the world's tiniest crop top under those suspenders??!!???

Usopp's eyes light up with something knowing that makes the nervousness return to Sanji in droves. Then Usopp smiles and says "long time no see", and her voice?!!!! Gone is that strange warble from the lingering edge of puberty, and it's been replaced with something smoother right at the bridge between a tenor and an alto in rhythm. Sanji is GONE. She is MELTING. She is BLEEDING ALL OVER HER NICE NAVY SUIT. Oh wow, she's feeling light-headed all of a sudden. She passes out. Wakes up to see she's in Usopp's arms? Passes out. Wakes up to see she's in Usopp's arms? Passes out. Chopper realizes what the hell is happening, and Usopp is switched out for a giggling Luffy. Sanji stays conscious this time.

Fishman Island happens, and things are calmer among their crew as they leave. Well, as calm as they can get for the strawhat pirates. Usopp finally finally gets a chance to corner Sanji in the kitchen because she's excited! Shared experiences and all that jazz. Sanji is both distracted and shy because Usopp is still wearing that tiny crop top that just barely covers her assets as well as showing off her abs AND Sanji didn't think she'd have to keep talking about the transitioning thing. She thought she'd be sort of done unless she ran into someone from her past about it, but she likes listening to Usopp talk about it. While Usopp is talking about all the hurdles on the island she was stuck on, Sanji remembers the little vial she asked for from Ivankov. Sanji asks Usopp to stop mid-story and gives it to her explaining that if she ever wants to just stop taking her shots, she can have Chopper administer that. No pressure obviously. Usopp can do whatever she wants and Sanji will respect her for it.

Usopp is extremely touched by the gesture, and tells Sanji she'll have Chopper hold onto it in case she does want to just go the quick way in the future. They sit in amicable silence for a little while before Usopp narrows her eyes at Sanji and asks "wait, does it change Everything?" Sanji says it does. Usopp pointedly looks down. Sanji hunches forward. Usopp repeats, "Everything?" Sanji now red faced with embarrassment shouts, "YES! EVERYTHING!" Sanji already went through mourning the loss of being about to take a piss anywhere without a second thought before being stabbed with like ten large needles. She was used to squatting now! The bleeding on the other hand...

Usopp sets her chin on Sanji's shoulder, and Sanji looks over in time to catch the smile on her face. She thanks Sanji again, and Sanji sort of nods and hums because there's that nervousness again since Usopp is so beautiful and she's SO CLOSE TO HER. The singular not short-circuiting part of Sanji's brain does speak up as she tells Usopp she's really proud of her. That she feels kind of like she cheated being gone and going the easy route and just being able to step into something Usopp had to work for. That if their roles were switched, Sanji wasn't sure she'd ever feel brave enough to do half the stuff Usopp did to get to where she is.

And that little footnote Usopp kept in the back of her mind for a while pops up right then, so she interrupts Sanji mid-spiel to ask her "how did you know you were trans?" It's a role reversal of a conversation from what felt like so long ago. And Sanji pauses. She's quiet for a little while until she speaks up and says she got a hint for it back in Little Garden. This confuses Usopp, but Sanji continues on and explains how Usopp didn't have any trouble calling herself a girl, and after Brogy and Dorry just accepted it, how happy Usopp looked and how relaxed she was.

Sanji says she wanted that freedom. The freedom to really be herself without any strings attached, and that she envied Usopp but didn't actually understand what the emotion was until much later. To Sanji's chagrin, Usopp pulls away with a hand on her chin in thought and says "okay, yeah, giants affirm your gender". And Sanji stares at her incredulously before Usopp starts giggling. The giggling is contagious. Sanji starts laughing herself, and sure it's nearly 11 at night, but that doesn't matter. There's an understanding here. There's a love here. They'll both be moving forward on the right foot into the future.

But for now, it was time to go bed. Sanji asks if Usopp wants to shower first since she's unsure about the hot water situation. Usopp, as if she's completely forgotten who the fuck she's talking to, says they can just shower together now if Sanji wants to. It's no big deal. Sanji proceeds to start bleeding all over her nice blouse. Usopp promptly freaks out and calls Chopper. There is a long lecture about blood transfusions needing to be SPARINGLY PROVIDED WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T HAVE A DISEASE. Usopp says they'll figure something out. (They do because the pair start dating around the middle of Punk Hazard).