#but it is sometimes even better to observe the very specific points that have remained constant

[sol-consort]

Alien holiday ideas?

Not even necessarily stuff like Christmas, just holidays in general

Some major arabic holidays don't actually have an official date to when they start, that's because they aren't based on a human-made calander but on the phases of the moon during the year.

Specifically, the current one in the sky, you can't rely on a written date from previous years. As a result, the holiday shifts in weeks each year, much like our own moon shifts from Earth since a full day isn't actually 24 full hours.

People can give you an approximate week/month when Ramadan will start, but not a specific day. Not until the astronomers who observe the moon announce it.

And before observatories were a thing? You just had to wait for a clear night sky and look at the moon with your own eyes. It's why so many decorations in Ramadan and Eid are moon-themed.

That's actually common in various human cultures, the use of astronomy, specifically the moon. Chinese New Year is based on a lunisolar calender, which you guessed it, is determined by the phases of the moon in the sky. Why it's sometimes called lunar new year.

Most alien species' homeplanets lack a moon, Thessia, Sur'kesh, even Tuchanka. Like in this post, only Palavan—the turians, have a moon.

Species who have a moon seem to completely fall in love with it. While the sun is useful for keeping track of hours, the moon is useful for keeping track of the days, weeks, and even months.

What I'm saying is, with no easy way to keep track of months in ancient civilisations, alien holidays will be disorganised and lack a proper "tell" to when it is time to celebrate. Without a moon, their months won't be around 4 weeks because that, too, is based on the moon cycle.

Without a moon orbiting your planet, the ocean tides will be less than noticeable. This rock in space is the major thing keeping our oceans in check.

So the hanar can't base their daily cycle on the direction of the ocean tides since no moon = random weak tides. The deeper you get in the ocean, the harder it is for light particles to penetrate the water. It's called the abyss for a reason. Depending on how deep the hanar usually reside, there is a very good chance they didn't use the sun to determine their daily cycle. Having natural bioluminescent seems to imply they originate from deep within the ocean floor.

Not to mention how a lot of human holidays are season based. Celebrating the first harvest of the season in spring, the warmth in summer, the life cycle of autumn, the snow and rain in winter.

When I first wrote this post, I claimed the Earth's loop-sided orbit around the sun is what causes the seasons... which is false, actually. I was wrong.

In fact, the Earth is at its furthest point of orbit during the crest of summer—aphelion—and the closest to the sun—perihelion—during winter.

So, if it was truly the orbit of the Earth, then it wouldn't make sense.

The Earth spins around itself on its axis, the north and south pole, that's true. But those axes are titled in relation to the sun. Add to it the fact that the Earth is closer to an oval shape than a perfect ball, and you realise one side of the planet is leaning out to the side.

Funny enough, the reason is that this tilt is theorised to be caused by the creation of the moon. A celestial body slammed into the Earth hard enough to cause the planet to tilt, and the remains of it eventually got locked in our gravitational pull and became the moon.

This info guide from NASA explains it better.

To achieve seasons, you need a planet with titled axes

Which is really common in planets. All of our solar system planets have an axial tilt to some degree.

RIP Pluto. You'll always be missed you cheating marble.

We don't get information on the axial tilt of Mass Effect planets... do we get them in Andromeda? I'm not sure. I'll need to check.

The less severe the tilt, the more consistent the weather and seasons will be on the planet. It's how you achieve a tropical all-year-round planet like Sur'kesh.

So if the alien homeplanet doesn't have a noticable axial tilt, then their holidays have no reason to be based around the changing of the seasons.

Because there are no seasons to be changed.

It's also a slippery-slope, if you have too much tilt, then any life on your planet is practically wiped out clean during the extreme temperatures. There is a small room of error allowed in a tilt in order for life to prosper, and Earth just hit bullseye.

So far, the alien species holidays

possibly aren't season based

Aren't moon based

Aren't monthly based (you need the moon for that)

Possibly not even calander based.

And that leaves us with...???

Well, the cycle of life.

The elcor are known to migrate from one capital to another during the swtich of the dry/wet season. Despite their advanced technology, they prefer to do it on foot, to walk the distance and take it slow.

That seems like a holiday in everything but name to me, like your entire civilisation went on a joined roadtrip to the other side of the planet. It's practically a cultural event when your entire culture is participating in it during the same time.

But how do they get a wet/dry season on their planet? An axial tilt.

What does wet and dry remind you of? The dryness of autumn winds and the sprinkling rain of spring. Dekuuna is titled just slightly to alter the water cycle, offer spring and autumn, but not severe enough for summer and winter.

Then there are the krogans who have heat cycles, now the question is, are they synced or personalised to each person like a period?

If not them, then another species might have a specific mating season that's enforced by their biology. Which can easily take the shape of a holiday. Be it a celebration of love, family, or even life itself.

A holiday which we can't recreate or relate to since humans mating season is all year long.

There are also the turians who couldn't afford to go out much during the day courtesy of the deadly sun laser in the sky, meaning their holidays are either mainly located at home or occurs during the night.

A lot of holidays stem from religion, usually getting embedded into the culture itself, and even non religious people look forward to celebrating it. Christmas is one of the examples, Valentine's Day, even Halloween.

So the hanar, drell, and asari (maybe even turians who used to worship titans) definitely have holidays who once held a great religious significant, but now is more of a cultural holiday.

Although with the devoted hanar, it might still carry those religious roots.

The asari having a day to celebrate the goddess who gifted them their biotics. Possibly, the day is centred around biotics and their use. Maybe a festival style holiday?

The drell priests who never forget to honour Arashu, the goddess of motherhood. What to us is a single day celebrating Mother's Day, the drell turn into a full week or longer of celebration and gratitude to all the mothers in their life who gave them this gift of life.

And how could I forget food! A lot of holidays could boil down to "get together with your loved ones and eat delicious food" at its core.

The dancing as well, a lot of aliens seem keen on the idea judging by the booming business of clubs in Mass Effect. Quarians especially deeply honour and respect their dancers. There's gotta be a holiday dedicated to dancing in their culture.

Holidays don't even need to be rare or once-a-year event, it can occur weekly! Sunday, Saturday, and Friday are holidays in a lot of religions/cultures that got so widespread that it shaped the modern working week. It could vary as well, in the Middle East, Friday and Saturday are the weekend days, while sunday is the "ugh monday" of the week.

A holiday is an abstract idea. Its definition can vary and take many shapes and forms. It can range from occurring many times per week to once a century event.

Talking about centuries, asari holidays definitely are more spread out, a 100 years is nothing to them after all.

The very concept of a birthday could also qualify as a holiday, there is a possibility it's a human thing where we're the only species who celebrate the date of our birth.

Or it could take different forms in other species, maybe they celebrate the birthing mother instead of the child? Maybe it's common practice to offer your parents a gift during your birthday than the other way around.

Gifts play a major part in so many human holidays. We like material things, having posessions, and trinkets to decorate our caves with. Be it gifting money or an object we think the other person would like, we use holidays as an excuse to give freely and show that we have no ulterior motives.

But Earth also has an overabundance of resources and self-sustaining ecology. It's what allowed this gifting process to prosper. Even if you pluck a flower from outside to give someone, another will sprout in its place courtesy of the rich soil and pollinators.

At least... back before we polluted the planet.

On planets with scarce resources, the act of gifting might seem wasteful. In cultures who deeply respect the life of all creatures around them and never take more than they need, gifting might seem blasphemous. Or in highly pridful societies that nurture independence, gifting can be seen as insulting and sketchy.

Many holidays focus on gifting things to children, Christmas toys, Birthday presents, and Eid money. Would other species look at this act with fondness, or would they think humans create spoiled kids?

Much like we have holidays centred around invoking certain emotions, like Valentine's Day and love, or Día de Muertos and remembering our late loved ones. Despite being drastically different holidays, love is there at their core.

Alien species who value different emotions would have days for the invoking of these emotions.

Drell, whose range of feelings puts humanity's limited range to shame. Their holidays embody their intense emotions, how hard it would be for a human to relate or begin to understand.

Turians who value honour and service could dedicate their holidays to invoking these feelings. Maybe the celebration is related to their heritage and clan of origins.

The angara who surprisingly have very few holidays that are centred around love because they consider it an average everyday thing. The concept of Valentine's is so absurd to them because why can't you just act like that every day of the week? Why do you need an excuse? Do humans also have a day celebrating the oxygen they breathe?

The protheans are prideful, yes, but also have shown a distaste to what they deem as frivolous events. Their holidays need not only be practical but serve a purpose, strengthening their empire, ideally. It's less of a relaxing get-together and more of an intense day of labour and one-upping one another.

But yeah those are all the ideas I could squeeze my brain for.

[destinyc1020]

Austin choosing the wrong women for him

“I have some theories as to why that is. 🤐”

girl please tell I need all the theories 😅

I mean, this is just my personal observation from an outsider looking in... and as a disclaimer, I don't know him, so I could be totally wrong on all of this....

But just as a casual observer....

One, his mom died at 23, which is still relatively kind of young, and it would also have been the stage/age where a lot of women would be teaching their sons the type of woman that would be good to settle down with 🤷🏾‍♀️

Second, his parents divorced when he was really young, and even though they stayed very friendly (even living in the same house for a time), no doubt divorce takes a toll on children.

Third, his mom remarried, but apparently according to what Austin has hinted, his stepfather was pretty abusive towards his mom and quite possibly towards him and his sister as well, to the point where they had to flee like stealthy bandits to get themselves out of that toxic situation. That alone can give you a warped sense of relationships.

He's more on the shyer side, but he's also good-looking, so to me, that probably means that he maybe hasn't had to really had time to observe or chase after too many women. Most women probably easily flirt with him. And sometimes, when you just take from whatever is after you (instead of quietly observing someone first), you don't always make the right decision. 👀🥴 So he's probably not as discerning.

Idk if he knows how to be just be alone? 🤷🏾‍♀️ This is a man who was in serious long-term relationships ever since he was like 12 rofl 🤣 Sometimes when you can't be alone or just remain single for a spell, you don't always make the wisest choices in relationships.

And lastly, he seems very sweet and kind🥰, and just generally-speaking, sometimes, people who are kind get people who are not-so-great latching on to them... or people take advantage. That's even more compounded when you're a celebrity, and some ppl are just dating you for what they can get. Not saying that's specifically been HIS case, but just that it can happen to people who seem to be good-hearted people.

Those are just my personal theories. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Again, I don't know the man lol, but those would be my personal thoughts on why he might have a bad woman picker.

Some people also don't believe that they deserve better. 😔 It happens to many people. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I've seen plenty of friends (myself included!) get into relationships that really just did not serve us well. Unfortunately, it just happens sometimes!

[madara-fate]

Hey maddy! I hope you’re doing great! I’m writing to you to share my thoughts about Hinata, Neji, their dynamic and what type of message they represent in the story.

I always see Hinata fans question about the way Hinata is portrayed in the story and even I wonder about Kishi’s decision of portrayal sometimes but I decided to reread the Chunin Exams, specifically her fight with Neji to get some answers myself and instead of fighting the author and forcing my way of thinking on how things should’ve turned out or happened, I decided to comprehend why Kishimoto decided that scenario and how Hinata and Neji represents the two sides of the Hyūga Clan. However, this is simply how I started looking at things and I could have missed a few points or details and I’m happy to hear your thoughts and corrections on the matter.

Also, this probably won’t be a detailed explanation because this is simply a late night rambling of mine. Lol.

When I hear fans talk about why Hinata was no longer expanded after her fight with Neji, I reached to the conclusion that because her role in the story was over. Her character and Neji is surrounded by their individual roles in the Hyūga Clan. An Heir whose ability is considered mediocre and was replaced but still is able to enjoy the privileges of being part of the main family and a slave who is born with outstanding talent but feels encased due to his social standing.

Neji is born a genius and as Hinata said, Neji is caught between the destinies of both branches. From what we got from Lee, he said that the main branch started making rules and decisions that would better benefit them and preserve the family line and purity of their blood, from what I know is that all of the Hyūga Clan techniques are taught either to the main branch and main family (to the head and its heirs) and everyone in the lower branch are members who most likely doesn’t even know how to activate their Byakugan, more or less utilize them. The only reason why Neji knows is because he observed the main branch members practicing and his father knows because he used to be a main branch member. So the lower branch members are not taught how to fight or defend themselves, not only that but they also have the Caged Bird Seal on them to be able to control them if they every do revolt against the main branch. Basically, the lower branch from the very beginning, since birth, were already destined to be nothing but slaves or failures. To be below the main branch, a chaste system basically. They were forbidden to learn any of their clan’s techniques and freedom got strip away along with the opportunities of ever becoming strong. Yet, Neji defied that destiny. He was from the lower branch and yet he is considered to be the “greatest genius in Hyūga Clan history,” as Hiruzen said.

So this is where Neji is stuck between the destiny between the two. Since the system is designed to make the main branch flourish and the lower branch remain below. Neji is someone who broke the order of that system. He, afterall is stronger that the heiress herself, the one who would lead the clan and allow it to prosper, so this leads to Neji questioning the doctrine he grew up with as a child. He is supposed to be lower than Hinata yet why is he beating her? He is supposed to be useless, a failure, yet he is a genius. The main branch destined to succeed and lower branch to fail, yet he is a lower branch who is born with great talent who bested the main branch or succeeded, so where does he actually belong? In the main branch or in the lower branch?

I think this is what made Neji felt caught between the two branches. Furthermore, because he is a lower branch despite his great talent, he is not accommodated and he doesn’t receive the same opportunities as those in the main branch. I think this is why Neji talks so much about destiny or fate and how once a failure, always a failure. If you’re born like that, weak and frail, that’s it. I think Neji is talking more about himself than Hinata, that no matter how much he tries, to be better, to be powerful, he’s still a lower branch member destined to fail. He will never be acknowledged and he will never be able to reach his full potential.

Then we have Hinata, as Neji said, Hinata was burden from birth because of being born from the main branch. There are certain expectations set upon her due to being heiress and to simply clear a certain thing up— as much as people like to disagree, Hinata was most likely weak. I don’t think it has anything to do with being weak physically or power-wise but the necessary attitude that’s needed to lead the clan. The Elder Hyūga said that having a heart like stone or steel is the burden that the main branch has to carry. Hinata doesn’t have that yet Hanabi does. When both Hinata and Hanabi fought, Hinata was reluctant to hurt Hanabi if she wasn’t she would’ve won, Hanabi was pretty serious with their fight and was actually trying to defeat Hinata knowing the fact they’re sisters, she regretted it right after but they seem to not have taken the outcome of the fight personally since they seem to be in good terms with each other, but I don’t think it’s simply a steel heart that makes Hanabi a suitable heir in their eyes, but the resolve to carry the consequences of those actions. I think that’s the burden that the Elder Hyūga was referring to. Being leader of a certain clan, community, or even a country, you’re bound to make decisions that would be difficult to make, some would be against your values and principles, making a certain thing a priority means you have to sacrifice the other, there’s no path where everyone gets to be happy and live joyfully while eating three meals a day.

Example is when Hinata got kidnapped on her birthday in which Hiashi saved her but ended up killing the Cloud Village’s Head Ninja (or was it Ambassador?) and so they wanted his head, while Hiashi was willing to pay the price and present himself, the Elder Hyūga refused and said that he is very important and needed in the clan since he’s the Head, so they ended up sacrificing his twin brother, Hizashi. That broke Hiashi obviously, he didn’t even want to let Hizashi sacrifice himself, and even I think that Hizashi’s speech about him “choosing” his fate is simply him trying to lessen the guilt his brother would feel when he dies for his sake.

When Hinata is presented with such situations as well, how well and how will she be able to handle it? The never-leaving-anyone-behind is too optimistic and ideal and reality is not like that. Not to mention, if she had two kids one is gonna bound up being in the lower branch like what happened to Hiashi and Hizashi but it seems that only takes effect when the Heir officially become the Head of the Clan.

(Also, the circumstances I’m presenting is when the Hyūga Clan didn’t have a massive change in its ways, I think those outcomes were unexpected and when Hiashi made the decision of making Hanabi his new Heir; he certainly didn’t thought that one day the Hyūga Clan would change.)

I think that is what made Hiashi think that Hanabi is better than Hinata and it has nothing to do with strength, I think we take much emphasis that the clan head must be the strongest and strength is the measure if one is fit to rule when obviously there’s more to it than just that, even in being Hokage I’ve realized that it’s not just strength that makes the people think you’re suited (although that’s certainly part of it) but possessing great patriotism to either your country or village is the key as well. That’s why in Naruto betrayal of a comrade, loved one, or the village is the worst thing you could ever do. People didn’t cheer for Naruto because he saved them during Pain Arc (sure, that was part of it) but Naruto, who is seen to be the nine-tailed fox who destroyed their village, fought with his life to protect the place they called home. Loyalty and devotion.

(Such views ties up to Japanese Culture really well. Japanese people are very patriotic and take great pride in there culture.)

The reason why Hinata felt burdened and why she didn’t pursue being the Head after her title got strip away from her is simply the fact she didn’t want to be Head. She probably wanted it first but along the way realized that it’s not something she wants to do, in the first place, Hinata was expected to be Head by the very second she was born, her destiny was plastered already by birth, but did people even stopped and ask if wanting to lead the clan is what Hinata wanted? Hinata forcing herself to do something she doesn’t wanna do is what lead her to suffer that’s why she has nothing but bad memories during her training days, she is not motivated in any way, she lacks interest, and it doesn’t make her happy or feel fulfilled. Hinata’s weakness doesn’t come from the fact she’s just naturally born weak or average but because she wasn’t driven to grow or had any motivation or reason to. When she decided to get strong to be able to fight by Naruto’s side she was able to significantly grow, even pushing herself to the limits during the war and that’s because she was determined to. Naruto is the inspiration of Hinata’s growth and her motivation to become strong, but most of all she did it for herself because she acknowledged that she was lacking and wanted to better herself.

I don’t think there’s anything shallow to wanting to be strong for another person, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with valuing those who strive to be better and stronger, those who always supported you than the people who made you feel like you’re expendable.

(Moreover, if Hinata wanted to lead the clan and since the line to the “throne” was determined through a fight then it should be settled back through a fight. Hinata should’ve asked a rematch with Hanabi yet she didn’t even though she had plenty of time to ask after the war. Reading her monologues, Hinata doesn’t give a single damn about her clan at all and she possess no desire to lead it— in her fight with Neji, she wasn’t thinking about how she should keep going in order to not disgrace the Hyūga name but she was worried of looking uncool in front of Naruto.)

All in all, I think I loved how the conflict between the two branches of the Hyūga Clan ended. Hiashi trained Neji and abolish the ideology and ways of the Hyūga that prevented the cadet branch to have equal opportunities and rights as those in the main branch. Neji was able to grow and reach new heights without feeling like he’s being held back by which branch he got born into. And Hinata was able to pursue a path she actually wanted (even if it’s a path most fans didn’t want her to trek upon) I think it’s still empowering. This is why I said that Kishi oftentimes write women embodying Pro-choice. Hinata chose the life she wanted, she isn’t manipulated or forced in any way.

I think the message that:

* Being poor and possessing low social status shouldn’t hinder you for ever succeeding and that your family situation whether you’re a family of very “problematic” people or none of you ever got to go to college isn’t what determines your future. There are times where the apple falls far from the tree.

* It’s okay to be a writer, a dancer, a musician in a family of doctors and lawyers, you don’t have to be an architect or an engineer because everyone in your family does or everyone is expected you to be. You’re allowed to have dreams of your own and have the right to pursue them.

More extra thoughts, the conclusion made what Neji said about Hinata to be wrong.

Hinata is definitely not all sweetness and light, sure, she is kind, but she can be edgy or rough at times if she wants to; she also has no problems in inflicting harm to others. A good girl would’ve followed what her father wanted of her, a person who isn’t a troublemaker would’ve stayed put and follow authority, yet she kept bettering herself, kept practicing even after her father told her she’s nothing compared to her younger sister. Neji tells her she’s easily led when she didn’t even followed what was expected of her.

Also, after re-reading their fight again, Maddy. I’ve found out that most likely not every Hyūga can hit or shut off tenketsus, apparently it’s a high level technique and that most Hyūga members simply inflict damage on the internal organs and chakra pathways (Keirakukie) disrupting the flow of chakra and not everyone can close off chakra nodes because they’re super small and basically undetectable so they’re super difficult to target or hit through the gentle fist, that’s what made people consider Neji a genius as well.

I always thought that hitting the Tenketsu was something relatively easy for the Hyūga Clan because of their eyes but apparently, despite how good their eyes are it still very difficult to perceive the Tenketsu because of how small it is and it’s difficult to accurately hit it as well. I also thought hitting the chakra pathways and the nodes were the same thing and has similar damage. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Lol.

This was a lot to take in, but yeah I don't really disagree with what you said, and it's interesting food for thought.

[godsopenwound]

Jen Degregorio, from The Last Poem I Loved: “Satan Says” By Sharon Olds

The poem opens with the speaker informing the reader of her odd predicament: “I am locked in a little cedar box / with a picture of shepherds pasted onto / the central panel between carvings.” The box sounds eerily like a coffin. But further description of “curved legs” and the “gold, heart-shaped lock” reveals an object closer to a girl’s jewelry chest. What’s interesting about opening the poem this way is that the box image functions as both metaphor and literal space in which the rest of the poem unfolds, and through which it can be interpreted. The specificity of detail keeps me rooted in a tangible, if surreal, setting that I can picture clearly in my mind; that’s what hooks me as a reader. After the poem is done, however, it’s the intelligence of the metaphor that keeps me interested. I interpret the box as the set of childhood experiences that have trapped the speaker in her particular mode of thought and behavior. But the metaphor is also bigger than that; it’s universal. All people are, to some extent, psychologically “boxed in” by their own personal circumstances. What is adulthood if not a fight to free oneself from the burdens of the past in hopes of a better future?

Despite our best efforts, however, sometimes the demons of our childhood come to haunt us. And this is precisely what happens to Olds’s speaker, in the form of Satan. “I’ll get you out,” Satan slickly offers. In return for freedom, however, the speaker must utter a series of profanities. First, she’s asked to denounce her father as “a shit” and her mother as “a pimp.” Desperate, the speaker complies, repeating Satan’s words. “Something / opens and breaks when I say that. My spine uncurls in the cedar box / like the pink back of the ballerina pin / with a ruby eye, resting beside me on / satin in the cedar box.” With the image of the pin and satin pillow, Olds keeps the reader anchored to that jewelry box even as her speaker begins to explore some very spacey Freudian territory. Soon Satan ups the ante, ordering the speaker to “Say shit, say death, say fuck the father.” The words effectively shock, not merely because they are vulgar but because of their particular metrical arrangement: Three spondees in row upend the easy four-beat lines that have guided the poem to this point. Again, the speaker repeats after Satan. But doing so continues to “open” a host of unsavory feelings: “The pain of the locked past buzzes / in the child’s box on her bureau.” A kind of displacement occurs in these lines, in which the speaker seems to have an out-of-body experience; she is simultaneously inside the box and able to observe it from the outside, noting how it rests on “the child’s”—no longer her own—bureau. This move in the poem speaks to the difficulty of confronting painful memories, or “the locked past,” in general. Many people cope with traumatic events by disassociation; others by casting blame. Olds’s Satan tries to coax the speaker from her disassociative cocoon, or box, by urging her to blame her “shit” father and “pimp” mother.

This is the problem of the victim, and the problem of the writer who wants to address trauma. Anyone familiar with Olds’s body of work knows that child abuse is one of her perennial themes; in particular, Olds explores what it means for a girl to be physically abused by her father. Whatever trespass has occurred in “Satan Says,” it is never specified; even the speaker’s gender remains in question throughout the poem. But the mention of a “locked past,” and words such as “torture,” “cock,” and “cunt” that appear later, all imply a childhood violation of some kind. And why else would Satan require the speaker to impugn her parents, in particular, if they were not the ones to perpetrate whatever awful event haunts the speaker? When viewed through the lens of Olds’s other poems, which take a more visceral approach to the subject of abuse, “Satan Says” reads like a self-argument about wading into these dangerous poetic waters: “I am trying to write my / way out of the closed box,” Olds’s speaker tells us. “Satan Says,” then, becomes a kind of ars poetica, and a model for any poet looking to deal with the theme of abuse or violence in her own work.

As the speaker repeats Satan’s increasingly nasty words, the box begins to open. Yet the speaker quickly realizes that this opening leads to another, different kind of prison. Like the wolf in the tale of Little Bo Peep, Satan is waiting hungrily for the speaker: “The exit is through Satan’s mouth.” Satan asks her repeatedly to “Come in.” As the “huge hinge / begins to close,” the speaker recognizes her mistake and takes back what she’s said about her parents. “Oh, no, I loved / them, too,” she tells Satan, who is none too pleased. The Prince of Darkness then “seals / the heart-shaped lock with the wax of his tongue. / It’s your coffin now, Satan says.” The speaker is abandoned. The poem ends with her freezing, trying to warm “her hands at the dancer’s / ruby eye— / the fire, the suddenly discovered knowledge of love.”

It’s that last line that gets me every time, and really “makes” the poem for me. It feels like a true catharsis, that a discovery has been made by the poet through her process of writing. But what is this discovery? For me, it’s a caution—for writers especially—against simplistic notions of good and evil. It isn’t a vision of some benevolent god that allows Olds’s speaker to escape Satan’s maw, but a recognition of “love” and its ability to coexist with feelings of betrayal and hatred. The speaker’s father may be “a shit,” as Satan says, but that doesn’t mean that the speaker can’t—or shouldn’t—love him. In a world that likes easy definitions, and takes pleasure in anointing heroes and stigmatizing villains, this is no easy revelation. Therein lies the brilliance of “Satan Says”: Olds’s Satan is not villainous because he urges the speaker to denounce her parents—just as the serpent tempted Eve to disobey God, or the Judeo-Christian “Father”—but because he is too obtuse to comprehend the uselessness of such denunciations to a curious intellect.

The real achievement of “Satan Says” is the truly original way the poem illuminates an intelligent mind’s struggle with what John Keats described as “Negative Capability,” or the ability to exist “in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.” Indeed, “Satan Says” does not resolve, but ends with the speaker frozen in the face of a paradox: the “knowledge of love” that can arise, somehow, from pain and suffering. Yet, even as it freezes her, that paradox remains the only “fire” capable of warming the speaker— a paradox within a paradox. Why? Perhaps, like the ruby-eyed pin inside Olds’s metaphorical box, because it is Beautiful.

[seawitchkaraoke]

Interesting thing I've observed is a lot of left leaning shows/youtube groups/etc are fully in favour of diversity, but aren't themselves very diverse. Both on tv and on the internet you'll still have at most 1/3 women a lot of the time and mostly white guys and all that

And the reason for this is so so often the same: they started out with all or mostly white guys and now those original people are still there (and of course they're the reason the show got big in the first place so you can't just get rid of them all, plus they're perfectly nice, funny, good people so why would you) so even if all the people you add or who come on as guests aren't straight white guys, you're gonna have to add a lot of people for it to be as diverse as you might want it to be (and of course maybe you want to add another straight white guy sometimes! And your fans wouldn't respond well to not letting them on just bc they're a straight white guy! But in pure terms of numbers this does of course set you back)

And when it's TV programming you can at least blame the ppl who originally cast the show but on youtube and such it's usually that they started as just a group of friends having fun - and if that group happened to be all white guys well, that's pretty common, in our society we to tend to mostly make friends with people who are like us, bc those are the people we're surrounded by.

It's difficult bc you often can't even really blame anyone specific for this but the fact remains that it sucks that these groups of left leaning perfectly good people aren't more diverse. Especially since this also means that anyone who is added who isn't a white cis straight guy is gonna have a harder time - bc if you have no black people in your cast, you will have racist fans, no matter how vocal you are about supporting black ppl. (And not just openly loud racists, those are easier in a lot of ways. But especially a lot of people with unaddressed biases who may not even realise that the new person being black is part of the reason why they don't like them)

If there was always a black person on the show, a lot of people with those biases will either slowly learn better or not watch the show at all.

Like. Idk when I look at the kind of comments Aabria Iyengar gets under Critical roll videos vs dimension 20 videos I think it's an example of exactly that. Sure there might be other factors too, but the dimension 20 has from the start been more diverse (and made an effort to increase that even more through side quests and such) so there are simply less fans in that fanbase who aren't open to new people and specifically less people who have a problem with a black queer female DM taking the place of their beloved Brennan.

And it has nothing to do with the creators themselves. Matt and Brennan have both been nothing but supportive of Aabria. But it's just that exact thing that if your cast isn't diverse, you're gonna have more bad eggs among your fans.

Idk what my point here even is. I don't have a solution to this other than, if you're starting smth try and have it be a diverse cast from the start. But I just... I see a lot of comments along the lines of "I can't believe this group has racist fans when they're all such good people" and I always just think it's so obvious why.

[nickgerlich]

Turning 20

A significant milestone birthday happened this last weekend, and hardly caused a stir among news outlets. A few picked up on it, but the day passed without much pomp or circumstance. It was just another day as usual, even on the platform marking this day.

I can only be talking about Facebook, the social media giant hatched 20 years ago this last Sunday. Mark Zuckerberg and a few friends launched it from a Harvard dorm room, their motives pretty typical of young guys: To meet women.

When it launched, it was known as The Facebook, a nod to the printed booklet incoming Harvard classes receive when arriving on that hallowed campus. It’s like a miniature yearbook, with head shots and pertinent details about each student. Actually meeting and mingling with that large class—which these days is about 1700 students—is up to the students themselves.

So why not create an online network where all this mingling and connecting can be done more easily? Sheer genius.

Soon it spread to other Ivy League schools, and then, like a contagion, across most universities and colleges. It wasn’t until September 2006 that they dropped the requirement of having a valid .edu email address, meaning the rest of the world could join.

And that they did, in droves. In short order, Facebook had a billion monthly users in 2012, and kept growing. It did not take long for it to dwarf MySpace, a once-popular social media site that launched in 2003, as well as Friendster, which debuted in 2002.

Facebook went on to purchase Instagram, WhatsApp, and Occulus, created Messenger, and renamed its parent company Meta, a tip of the hat to the Metaverse in which they saw themselves. In July 2023 they launched Threads, one among several new sites created across the web to compete with the rapidly decaying Twitter. I mean X.

Perhaps most importantly, Facebook found itself in the advertising business, and had more than $150 billion in revenue from it last year. Only Google is bigger in the digital advertising business.

In spite of the fact that younger people are less likely to use Facebook these days, their global footprint across all of their platforms now exceeds three billion persons. Many of those same younger people are on Instagram, for example, so Meta can still reach them with advertising.

Competition always forces us to dig deep and find ways to either innovate or duplicate, and Facebook and Instagram have done just that in recent years, thanks to competitive threats from SnapChat and TikTok. They have done a good job keeping eyeballs within their own eco-system. By comparison, TikTok ad revenue was about $13 billion last year, and is projected to grow to $22 billion by next year. That’s significant, but still tiny in comparison to Meta.

But the most important things to consider as we observe this birthday is just how much Facebook has changed our lives. What started out as a way for college kids to connect turned into a way for all of us to remain connected, and then ultimately into a debate forum littered with highly targeted advertising. Sometimes, that advertising is political in nature. Worse yet, misinformation is as prevalent as potholes on a midwest street in winter.

It is little wonder that some people have been turned off by it, either closing their accounts entirely, or limiting how they use the site. As for me, I still use it to engage with very specific groups, follow certain individuals, and remain connected with people from the various chapters of my life. The latter is priceless, because I am in better contact these days with fellow high school grads than I ever was, and it has been 47 years since we walked across that stage.

COVID was the turning point for me, because that’s when Facebook took a decided turn for the worse. Conspiracy theorists and anti-vaxxers used Facebook as a CB radio, broadcasting their opinions that lacked supporting evidence. This quickly devolved into the anti-woke movement, co-opting a word that never once meant “everything I disagree with.”

So while I still post an occasional stand-alone item, mostly what I do is just mirror my daily Instagram post over to FB. Otherwise, I just scroll by quickly, looking for important family moments, mourning deaths of loved ones and pets, admiring great photos. But that’s it. I guess you could say I’m just grazing around the edges.

And yet Facebook is hanging on, its numbers supported by global growth (and free internet) in regions only recently reached. To be honest, I actually like my Threads experience better, where I have found a photography community I never would have expected to find. Remember, Threads was designed to be a new Twitter, but it is evolving in its own way.

For better or for worse, Facebook is still rocking it. You know when something has become larger than life: It becomes a verb. Just like Google, more than two billion people “Facebook” something on a regular basis. Ads are as thick as skeeters on a hot Georgia night, often appearing every fifth or sixth item in both my FB and Insta feeds. That’s big money.

I’m pretty sure that Mark Zuckerberg never envisioned this, nor the power and wealth he was about to have. And I did not even get into the issue of data, which I am saving for a future missive. Twenty years is a long time on the internet, and Facebook is not only a survivor, but a force far bigger than you or I can begin to contemplate.

Here’s to many more years, I suppose. Just don’t let that power to go to your head any more than it already has.

Dr “Add Friend” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[sukunarii]

Pairing: Yandere! Sukuna x Reader

Warnings: (Sukuna’s Era!) Yandere | Unhealthy relationship | Murder | Blood| This fic is much darker than my usual style! Please beware when you read it. 

Synopsis: In the early morning, you would play your koto in your garden. It was a show for one audience: a stranger that refused to step out of the shadows. A stranger that perhaps grew too fond of you.

Wordcount: 3.0K

A/N: A koto is a Japanese instrument kind of like a harp. Also this fic might be very historical inaccurate. This fic is inspired by a poem by William Blake titled “Song:  When early morn walks forth in sober grey.” 

The sky was gray on the day you first spoke to him. It was early morning, you were in your garden, under the gazebo as usual where you go to practice playing your koto. You enjoyed it, for it was one of the only times where you could feel absorbed in your own world, in your own solitude and tranquility. However, you have noticed that lately, you were not so much alone.

"Behind the willow tree, I know you're there," you called out. You could see the shadow shift, but the person behind did not step out into your view.

"I see you have noticed me," a masculine voice replied. It carried a hint of playfulness.

"Of course I have, you've disturbed my peace for a few mornings now," you replied.

"Am I not welcomed?", he asks.

"What brings you here?", you asked back immediately.

His answer did not come as quick as yours, as if he chose his words carefully  "I was captivated by the music you played," he complimented you.

You were flattered, you had to pause and recollect your thoughts for a moment. If he is just here to listen....well there's no harm, right?

You let out an airy laugh, "As my only audience, I supposed you are welcomed to stay." 

You resumed to playing your koto. From behind the willow tree, Sukuna stole a few glances at you. Along with the beautiful music you created, you looked so effortless and absorbed in your own world while playing. A world that Sukuna could step a foot into by observing you from afar but felt too delicate for him to disturb. You were like an angel while he was a curse— a monster. He shouldn’t have any business with a girl like you. 

Yet you called him, 'My only audience'...he liked the sound of that.

You were playing for him only, and he was glad that he did not even have to capture you for this. After all, a caged bird does not sing the same.

However, the serenity of dawn was disturbed by the loud and abrupt chime of the bell.

With a jolt, you stopped playing.

"Ah, that was the wake up call for the village, I got to go now," you said and got up.

From his shadow, you see him stand up too. You hesitated but decided to ask anyways, "Will you tell me your name?"

He laughs lightheartedly, "A musician does not need to know the name of their audience."

The buds on the dull brown branches were blooming into beautiful flowers that decorated the garden. Summer was approaching. It became routine, he would come to your little concert every morning. It was romantic even. You did not know who he was, but sometimes you would carry little conversations with him. You knew that he was not from the village, he said he travelled up from the valley every morning to visit you.

Knowing that he was not from the village also gave you a sense of security as you could tell him anything and everything without worrying that he would spread rumours. Afterall, you were the daughter of the richest man in the village, from suitors to enemies to your family's reputation, there was so much that you had to keep to yourself. You've learned to express these thoughts into the music you played, but being able to say them out loud in words was relieving.

He was your audience and you were his musician.

Nonetheless, most of the time, very few words were exchanged. It was just you, him, your music in the air and the garden in the surroundings.

You were wearing a purple kimono the day you asked him if you could see him. He gave you the same response as the day you asked him for his name, "A musician does not need to know the appearance of their audience."

You sighed, disappointed, "How about if I ask you as a friend?"

From the flickers of his shadow, you could tell he hesitated. Your heart started racing, in hopes that you will finally see your mysterious friend. But, you were left disappointed, "Not today, my darling. You're still not ready yet."

You looked at his shadow quizzically, what did he mean by not ready? Did he have self-esteem issues? Or a scar? Or was he really ugly...? Not that you would have minded of course, you pouted, "That's not fair. You get to see me all the time."

He chuckles, "I think this is for the better."

The urge to show himself to you or even take you for himself was very strong. However, he had to hold himself back, he didn't want you to be afraid of him. For one, you just called him a 'friend'. And he knew that if he did show himself however, this friendship would be over. You were an angel. He was a curse. Sometimes fate was cruel that way.

The green leaves that fell from the trees were fluttering in the summer breeze. Lately Sukuna has been observing you more and more throughout the day. Instead of rampaging the nearby villages, he would spend more time observing you from the outskirts of your village.

The more he observed, the more he noticed the amount of unsolicited male attention you get when you stroll in the village. Had he not been a curse, he wished he could be strolling by your side and indicating to all of those nuisances that you were his.

The village was not very large, thus, Sukuna has come to recognize most of the faces. However, one time there was a strange man with black hair that appeared in the village. Not that Sukuna cared much as long as he didn't try to flirt with his little darling — except the man did this very thing: he stopped you.

Sukuna could not hear what the man said to you, but he could certainly feel the rage rising in him. The urge to kill this man was very strong. In fact, in the heat of the moment he feels like he could kill everyone in this village to prove his point. Seeing another man try to talk to you so intimately enraged him. He has held himself back multiple times from rampaging your village and taking you home with him. Taking you as his. But for your sake, he has managed to suppress these dark thoughts. But not this time.

He approached you, or specifically the stranger menacingly...with killing intent. But once he was in hearing distance, he heard you tell the man firmly,

"I'm not interested."

The man paused. But insisted again, "Why not? I can treat you right."

"I'm interested in someone else," you told him.

Sukuna paused. Were you talking about him?

"What? No way, who might this be and how come I've never heard of this before! You're just making up lies to turn down my love," he argues back condescendingly.

You shot him a dirty look and you tried to leave but he grabs your arm, “Hold it there girl, I’m not done talking yet.”

That’s it. You slapped him. Not a weak slap, a hard one. The man's face flipped towards the other side.

"That is none of your business. Now if you would excuse me," you said angrily and turned around and left.

Sukuna smiled, 'That's my girl.'

He didn't even have to do anything.

You ran your hand through the calming blue water of the pond in your garden. You have strained your hand from playing on the koto for too much, they were sore and calloused. You tried inviting your friend to come feel the water too but he refused, insisting on remaining well hidden from your view.

"He is from this powerful family, the Zenin clan I believe. And he seems really interested in me."

Sukuna didn't answer.

"But I'll keep rejecting him, I don't like him and don't care for his advances," you rambled on, then sighed, "However I can't say the same for my parents. They are interesting in getting a hold of the powers of the Zenin clans."

"Why don't you leave the village with me?" he finally answered you.

You didn't think he was serious, but you entertained his idea, "They're not just your normal powerful families. They are very powerful as in even if we leave the village, there's nowhere left to run."

"Then I'll just kill them. Everyone of them."

You laughed bittersweetly, what could he possibly do against them when he was too shy to even show himself to you? The Zenin clan was one of the most powerful sorcerers of the eras!

"Haha, yeah that would be nice. But with all of the curses rampaging the nearby villages, we really need the Zenin clan's protection. It really sucks but they're powerful jujutsu sorcerers, it's a miracle that our village is not destroyed yet unlike the our neighbouring villages,” but swiftly, your fake optimism fades. You couldn’t play your koto today, but this stranger was your friend and talking to him gives a sense of comfort. He was listening to you and he was trustworthy.

You say softly, “If only something happened to their third son so that he would stop trying to woo me all of the time...." then, you laughed sheepishly, "Of course I'm just joking haha, I mean it's awful to wish death on someone..."

But Sukuna only heard the first part.

With summer abruptly coming to an end and winter approaching, sunrise came later every day. The sky was still black the morning you broke down crying to him. It was moonless.

"I-I know I said I wished he was d-dead, but I didn't mean it f-for real," you said between your sobs, "I just didn't w-want to marry h-him, but he got killed by a curse and I f-feel like I cursed him."

"Wasn't that what you wanted?", the intonations of his voice came out as cold as the autumn air. However, you were too absorbed in your sadness to pick up these nuances.

"No! I would never truly want anyone to die! That’s awful!”

“Now you won’t have to worry about unsolicited attention anymore,” he answered briskly

You hugged your knees closer to your chest and buried your face into them, “It didn’t make a difference...the Zenin offered their s-second son instead..., so it wasn't cancelled regardless..."

"What wasn't cancelled?", Sukuna asked.

"The wedding...”

Sukuna's jaw tightened. He was upset. Furious. You’ve mentioned that the Zenin family was interested in you but you’ve never mentioned that there was anything official. He didn't like that you didn't mention this to him at all. 

"Leave with me."

This time it wasn't a question. It was an order. Yet, you refused it again.

"I can't. I can't leave my family behind like that...if I run away, the Zenin clan would bare a grudge against them, who knows what they’ll do..."

For the first time, Sukuna finally stepped out of the shadows.

But you didn't notice, nor did you see him, the obscurity of the lightless sky hid him from your vision.

"Pathetic, why would you care about family that are selling you off to strangers? This is why you humans are so weak. Being emotional for things that do not matter," he says, words dripping with menace.

Your eyes widened, alerted by the swift change of mood. Tension high in the air. He did not sound like the friend that you knew. It’s as if he was a real stranger.

"That's not true! It's wrong to be selfish, they're my family. I have to listen to them and it's for the best of the village," you tried to reason but you were worried that he could hear the slight fear in your trembling voice.

"Oh yes because the Zenin clan will protect your village from curses. You think too highly of them. When I killed that nuisance, he was crawling and crying, begging for his life. He may be a little stronger than your average jujutsu sorcerer but he was still a weak human." Sukuna was tired of keeping up his calming and human-like demeanour. He topped off his statement with a sadistic laugh.

However, you didn't answer him. Not immediately at least, you were soaking in the words he just said. You gasped.

"Y-You mean you killed him?!"

You took a step back in shock and fear. You were told that he was killed by a curse...if this stranger you've befriended was a curse and one strong enough to kill someone from the Zenin family....you were in deep trouble.

Sukuna continued laughing, "Ah, yes I killed him. I sliced his body into pieces but I preserved the head so he could be recognized. It was a masterpiece, you should of seen the expression of anguish on his decapitated head!"

All of his efforts of wanting to preserve this friendship, fearing to taint your innocence, and scared of not being delicate around you, all thrown away in the heat of the moment. It didn't matter anymore, not when annoying jujutsu sorcerers were going to get in the way and take you away from him.

You screamed, "Get away from me, you monster!"

Your fight or flight instincts kicked in, this man in front of you— no this curse in front of you— was not a friend. You have befriended something much more sinister, he was a killer. A powerful killer and from the enthusiasm in his voice, he was a sadistic one too. You turned to run back to your house.

To your surprise, he didn't follow you. He watched you and even if you can't see him, you can tell that he was smiling.

You didn't dare to leave the house the days before the wedding. You were also too scared to tell anyone about your foolish encounter with a curse. Instead, you urged your parents to push the wedding earlier. The earlier the better, much to their delight.

Luckily, you did not hear about him and it seems that things have returned to normal. But your instincts say otherwise. If you play with fire, you ought to get burned. And you seemed to have attracted the attention of something very ominous.

You were wearing white on the day of the wedding. A veil covering your face. As per tradition, you were patiently waiting for your groom in another room, waiting for him to lift the veil off your face and take you to the main ceremony room to present you to the invited guests and families. Then allow the head of the households to pronounce you as husband and wife.

Maybe it was your nervousness, it seemed that every minute went by slower. Almost as if the ceremony has been delayed. But with your eyes covered by the veil, all you could do was wait.

Then finally, you heard someone approaching you. You feel a hand gently lift the veil off your face. To your surprise, the person who brought you out of the darkness was not the second son of the Zenin family. There he was, the powerful curse that rampaged villages: Sukuna. You might be the only person who has seen all four of his arms and eyes up close and lived to tell the tale. Not that you would have anyone to tell this to.

He was covered in blood. You were not sure who's but from the silence and the lack of wounds on him, you can formulate a pretty good guess. You drew in a sharp breath and jerked away from his touch, hoping to crawl away even.

"Help!", you shouted out hoping that anyone would hear — anyone at all....wasn't half of the Zenin household here? What were they doing?

"Shh, I was late because I had to take care of some trash, but don't worry, I'm here now," Sukuna says to you. You recognized his voice right away.

You were so terrified that you didn't even notice tears started coming out of your eyes. You struggled to get away from him, you clawed at him, tried to push him away, but it didn't work. He didn't even flinch.

"(Name), stop that before you anger me," he warned you.

You didn't listen.

"You're a monster," you spat at him and you tried to slap him but he stops your hand midair, the blood on his hands imprinting onto your white kimono.

"I'm not like those pathetic Zenin, you'll have to try harder if you want to hit me," Sukuna says with a taunting voice.

Despair washes over you. He was right, if even the Zenin couldn’t win against him, then what could you do? There was no way you could win this nor escape him.

When he carried you bridal style out towards the main room of the ceremony, you’ve stopped struggling. The room was plastered with blood. You recognize some of the body limbs on the ground, the remains of the guests, of your family, of the Zenin family. They were barely remains, mostly just little pieces. You had the urge of throwing up. No one was coming to save you.

It was just you and Sukuna.

Sukuna laughs, he can hear the whiplash of the puddles of blood as he steps over them. He was proud of his work, "Just like usual, only you and me. I'm your only audience."

The blood that covered him stains onto your previously white kimono.

Sukuna always compared you to an angel. And he was a curse—a monster. You two were not meant to be, fate was cruel like that. But Sukuna can be even crueler.

You are his bride.

And it was a red wedding.

[shotorozu]

TITLE : hospital stay

PAIRING : bakugou katsuki x reader

SYNOPSIS : you’re in the hospital on your boyfriend’s birthday, and bakugou seems to have no issue with spending it in there.

WARNING(S) : MHA MANGA SPOILERS ‼️ (recent arc)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, a quirk similar to the avatar but that’s about it.

note(s) : so, it’s bakugou’s birthday. and i had this idea since march 20 😦 so i’ve been waiting for his birthday to come for literally a month but i didn’t want to post this way too early. alsooo i don’t know if this arc happened near spring but lets pretend it did for the sake of the story

When you woke up, the fluorescent lights were the first to hit your face

Following by the incoming beeping of a monitor, and the sudden throbbing of your head, the dryness of your throat evident.

Blinking slowly (or trying to, your other eye being a bit delayed.) you try recalling what just happened. You’re in a hospital, that’s one thing you know, but the specifics are still unknown to you.

Right. You remember now, you were fighting along side your classmates, and you managed to get blasted away when you thought that shielding Bakugou Katsuki would work. Yeah, you were sure that you were going to get an earful from him, if he—

You jolt when you notice said blond standing right next to your bed, vermillion eyes staring deep into your own, and somewhat— you could feel the weight and intensity in the stare

“S-since when did you get here?” You’re startled, and your voice is hoarse. Bakugou doesn’t formulate a response, and chooses to avoid the question as a whole.

“Finally you’re up.” He rolls his eyes. He looks much better than you remembered, despite having a few bandages on his forehead— he looked well. “It’s been 5 fucking days.”

“Five days?” You question out loud, your sense of time all disorganized. You clench your hand, just to see if your quirk was still working. Seeing air, fire, water, and just.. something, would relieve your worries— but a look from the blond shot you down quickly. You decided that it was wise if you didn’t try.

The blond seems to be done with the conversation, since he immediately walks out of the room. Actually, why was he here? You’d expect him to be laying down in bed, but despite being hit with that beam, he was walking around like everything was fine.

He comes back with a few other nurses, and they’re relieved to see that you’re awake— and even though they’ve bombarded you with questions with how you felt, you couldn’t brush off the feeling of a pair of ruby eyes on you.

Just, glaring. It’s nothing abnormal.

When the nurses finally leave you alone, giving you details of a few injuries— like your injured— well, burned eyelid that honestly stung (it came from the fire aspect of your quirk) you would’ve expected to be alone in your hospital room for the rest of your time there but Bakugou stayed.

“You’re going to tell me why you jumped in front of me?”

You were expecting to be questioned by him, after all— what you did didn’t exactly shield him, since he was also pierced. You didn’t expect the interrogation to be happening this soon

“Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to fucking know.” And he suddenly changes his mind, just like that.

You would’ve said impulse as an answer, but you doubt that he would’ve taken that seriously. And besides, you were kind of glad he changed midway that he didn’t want your answer. Your voice feels parched, despite chugging down a glass of water earlier.

“Did you check up on Deku?” You cringe when you hear cracks in your voice, and the dryness is unbearable to your throat, but he nods. “Idiot’s knocked out cold.”

He doesn’t mention the fact that you were one of the last few people that were still rendered unconscious.

“Your throat sounds like the sahara desert. Do me a favor and drink up.”

You blink owlishly at the glass of water that was set on the mini table, and when you drink up— it actually does something to relieve (temporarily) the dryness.

It was a consequence of your quirk after all, using your quirk too much would cause your body to feel sore, and everywhere to feel dry, and he knew that.

Bakugou was acting uncharacteristically, and you just don’t know why. Maybe it’s not so uncharacteristic of him, since he’s been less of an asshole as of recently, but you know that he would probably deviate from the question if you asked, so the both of you sat in silence.

—

It’s the next day, the same as yesterday— except it looked like dawn when you woke up. Bakugou also appeared at the side of your bed once again, almost as if he was there for quite some time.

“Nice to see you too,” You think to yourself, and you’re glad you didn’t actually say that out loud. You try to stand up straight, but Bakugou’s quick to push your back against the pillows.

“Don’t sit up, that’s idiotic.”

“Right, sorry. How did you get here? Isn’t it too early?” The parched throat came back. Though the ‘magical’ baku-water helped, it’s effects were only temporarily, sadly.

“You call 7am early?” Right, because for him— 7am isn’t that early, you even remember seeing him up at 6 sometimes.

“Actually, wait.” You blink, trying to recall what day it was, and what month it was. You recalled it being spring but.. was it March? or was it April already?

“What.. day is it today?”

It was almost like he was hesitant to say, “..April 20.”

“What the— April 20?” You’re appalled, because the last time you remembered, it wasn’t anywhere near April 20, but maybe it’s your 5 day unconsciousness to be blamed. “Isn’t it your birthday?”

“Shut up,” He mumbles, and he shifts around the room in search of something, but it’s too dim to be able to tell.

“Medicine. The nurses said you should take it now.”

You don’t reply.

“It’s for your Sahara desert throat. The other things are for your fucked up eye and injuries.”

That seems to be enough to convince you to take the medicine, and despite wanting to run away screaming from the bitterness, you take the medicine— not wanting to be met with any consequences

“Why are you spending your birthday here?”

“Do idiots like you ask that many questions?” He shoots back, and you’re unfazed by the fact that he just called you an idiot. You wouldn’t blame him.

“No but.. you seem fine.”

“A few days ago I was not, but now I am because I took medicine.” He walks over to untwist a few medicine caps, it appears to be for your eye.

“So, Does my eye look fine?” You bat your eyelashes just to mess with him, and he flicks your forehead with an ointment cap “No.”

“Sorry, sorry,” You laugh, choosing to completely ignore the sudden sharp pain when you laugh.

He bends down to reach eyelevel, “Can you see?”

“Sorta.” Your eye has this thin blur filter to it, that can’t be good— can it? Going blind in one eye, and having to wear an eye patch.

It was almost on cue, because Bakugou says “You’ll be rocking the pirate look if you don’t take your medicine,” Instead of handing the medicine for you to apply, he quickly applies a decent amount around your eyes— not giving you a warning whatsoever.

You wince slightly, but you’re glad it’s over. But why is he playing nurse with you? And why was he brushing off the fact that it’s literally his birthday.

—

Through out the entire day, Bakugou continued to act as if he had some responsibility over you. From helping you put on your medicine, to just monitoring you with eyes of a hawk. The fact that he chose to ignore all your protests was just a part of him.

His behavior was also very.. interesting. It would swing from being his usual self, to being this eerily quiet and calm Bakugou. You would’ve guessed that you were having a fever dream, if it weren’t for the fact that he wore his usual scowl on his face.

What remained consistent, despite it all— was that he stayed. He ate lunch in your room. He only left when the doctors and nurses asked him too, but that was only temporary. He stayed with you the entire day, even when the clock stroke 5pm.

But it’s quite literally his birthday? Why would he spend it in a hospital room with some extra? Or idiot? Let alone, why would he take care of said idiot/extra on his birthday? You don’t know because he refuses to tell you on why he spent it here.

“Did you at least get some cake or something?” You ask for the umpteenth time, Bakugou’s paced back and forth for some medicine bottles and bottles of water, and you could tell that he was scowling, despite the fact that he was facing the other direction, “Why the hell would I want cake? You’ve been asking weird shit all day.”

“Because it’s your birthday? Seriously— have you been brainwashed into thinking that it’s not your birthday?”

“What— fuck no. I haven’t been brainwashed.” He turns over to you, “I know today is my birthday.”

“Okay, so you know. Why aren’t you celebrating then? Did people forget? Or am I finally going insane?”

Bakugou chooses to stay silent. He stands up, and walks over to you— everytime he moves closer, you could feel your heart pound, luckily not at a dangerous rate.

“Birthday, birthday, birthday” He grumbles, quiet, but loud enough for you to hear. “That’s all you’ve been talking about. As if like you weren’t the one in the hospital bed as we speak.”

“Okay, is it wrong to remember your birthday?”

“Shut up, I didn’t say that.” He gets closer once again, almost to the point that your faces weren’t that far away.

“You’ve just been so concerned about my damn birthday, that you haven’t even taken a good look at yourself,” He gestures at you, by looking you up and down

You finally take observation of all of the gauzes, the IV tubes, and bandages, his words forcing you to look at what was reality.

“I don’t know why you did what you did, jumping in front of me like some kind of heroic bastard, it’s dumb. For all I know, I should be screaming at you, and wishing you the worst for that.” He clenches his fist when he recalls, the scene replaying in his head

“But what I am saying is that, you can give me a gift if you’re so fucking concerned about my birthday. It’s the least you can do.” His statement is solid enough for you to take him seriously. You wouldn’t have if he was scowling, but it’s quite.. different. An expression you’ve seen all day, but seeing it up close is a different story.

“And that would be..?” You gulp, anticipation bubbles

And just like that, he presses his lips against yours, the warmth of his lips sending shocks of warmth all around your body— the impact was abrupt, but the kiss as a whole was surprisingly gentle

Yet, it was also similar to his quirk, it sparked up spurs of need and sent goosebumps all over your body.

You place a hand on his shoulder, the tubes around your arms making it too difficult to wrap your arms around him as you deepened the kiss, Bakugou’s touch is cautious when he lays his hand on a spot that was the least affected, aware of your injuries. Pushing the small of your back with his hand quite gently, he kisses you like it’ll be the very last— even though you both know it won’t be.

When you both pull back, you’re taken aback— unable to think of coherent words, and a proper response.

But this damn bastard, he smirks at you knowing that he just sent shocks and explosions of intense feelings all around your body, your lips still tingling from the kiss.

“Wait, that’s unfair!”

“What?”

“I had no idea you even liked me!”

“For the fucking longest time I did, why the hell would I even be in some extras room, if I didn’t care about them?!” He tries not to yell too loudly but, the tone of his voice gets raised

You blink, “And you preferred playing nurse with your crush this entire time, instead of spending it properly like well.. everyone else?”

“Who the hell said— Fucking hell, do I have to kiss you again for you to understand?”

“Enlighten me,” Your mouth quirks up into a smile, which ultimately causes his cheeks to be set ablaze.

“Playing fucking nurse with you isn’t horrible. It’s one way to spend my birthday, even when you give me shit about it” His brows press together, trying to drown out his flustered expressions with a scowl, “There’ll be more birthdays to come, so why would I be ‘wasting’ it here? There, that’s it. You happy now?”

Silence.

“..More than happy. But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about your thing for playing nur—”

“Don’t you fucking finish that thought,” He says stern. “I’m going to get the nurses to check on you, and then— I’ll go home and come back again, tomorrow.”

He storms off, and when the blond is sure that he’s not in your line of vision anymore— he slumps against the wall

“Fucking hell, they’re driving me crazy.” He mumbles, recalling what he had pulled off earlier.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[doorbloggr]

Tuseday 7/9/21 - The Dinosaur Scavenger Debate

Model of Sue the T.rex eating a baby Edmontosaurus, from the Field Museum, Blue Rhino Studios

Full disclosure before I start this article, I am not a palaeontologist, neither have I kept up with all of the relevant literature to know everything on the topic. But I've seen this debate flair up a few times on paleo twitter in the past, so I'm gonna give you a very shallow overview of the discussion.

Therapod dinosaurs were a very unique type of carnivorous animal. All the active hunting terrestrial carnivores we have today have an upper size limit of maybe a tiger or a bear, and most of those travel on all fours. Large meat eating dinosaurs had different bone structures, metabolisms, and importantly, different prey.

A few times in the past, and again recently, there have been those sceptical of the actual hunting ability of large therapod dinosaurs. Sure they were big enough to kill their prey, but were they fast enough? Had enough stamina? Tyrannosaurus rex had jaws powerful enough to break clean through flesh and bone, but you know what else does? Hyenas, jackals, vultures; scavengers. I am not personally aligned with this hunter-sceptical side of palaeontology, but it is an argument that exists.

Hyenas scavenging, Credit: The Next Crossing

Long ago there was an ill-informed take that some dinosaurs were too big to walk. Now the current take is that some dinosaurs were too big to hunt. So, with a bit of research, today I'm going to explore both sides of this debate.

Obligate Scavengers

The first part of the argument is usually about how powerful the jaws of Tyrannosaurus are. Its bite could crush bones, and coprolites (fossil poo) from the species has shown remains of bone fragments, confirming that this dinosaur was indeed eating bones. The teeth of dinosaurs more commonly thought of as pursuit predators such as raptors have narrower, blade like teeth, while T.rex had large, thick, banana sized/shaped teeth. So was this dinosaur specialised for mostly rotted carcasses?

Tyrannosaurus eating a Triceratops, Atrox1 (deviantart)

Tyrannosaurus has also been recently found to have extraordinary senses. It's eyesight is second to none in the dinosaur kingdom and may even rival the visual acuity of today's falcons. And it's sense of smell was amazing too, able to smell blood way beyond even it's visual range. Senses like these are useful for scavengers today who need to travel long distances to find their food. Vultures and condors may travel thousands of kilometres to find a carcass, and like T.rex, their large size means that they can scare off most smaller scavengers from a larger corpse.

Allosaurus fragilis attack a Diplodocus, Fred Weirum

This last point is more about Allosaurus, who has recently been accused of a scavenging lifestyle too. Although Allosaurus was more lightly built than Tyrannosaurus, and had large powerful claws, it has long been studied to most often preyed on Sauropod dinosaurs, which were many, many times larger than Allosaurus. Allosaurus was thought to be unlikely to be able to take down a Sauropod on its own, and its skull is not as robust as most large therapods its size. Sauropod dinosaurs were truly gigantic, and have been studied to move in herds, so perhaps it was just that Allosaurus followed these herds, and when one died, that's enough meat to sustain even a family of Allosaurus for weeks!

Active Hunters

While it's easy to find fossil evidence of bones being damaged while the animal is dead, evidence of the animal being hunted is not as easy. BUT it can be found. Many prey species dinosaurs have evidence of bone scar tissue, meaning that the animal was injured, but got better. In some specimens, there are specific markings evident of teeth marks on partially healed bones, or even teeth lodged in the bones. Tyrannosaurus rex teeth markings have been found in multiple specimens, showing that Tyrannosaurus was actively attacking live animals, and sometimes, the prey got away.

Tyrannosaurus, Mark Garlick

The unusually well adapted senses also point to a predator positive position. Tyrannosaurus' binocular vision is evidence of an animal that needed depth perception, and the only extant animals with true binocular vision are predators. Bone studies have, for a long time, concluded that Tyrannosaurus rex could only walk relatively slowly. But this is a misconception, Tyrannosaurs preferred to walk slowly, and may have travelled most of the time at a more relaxed pace, but it could likely experience short bursts of higher speed. The herbivorous prey items it hunted were not extraordinarily fast either, and a quick dash as an ambush was probably all it took to grab a surprised hadrosaur or ceratopsian.

Komodo Dragon hunting a feral goat, Caters News Agency

The hardy teeth of Tyrannosaurus rex may have been well suited for crushing bones, but their overall shape point to damages that could also better injure their prey. Unlike the pointed daggers of most therapods, Tyrannosaurus teeth were deeply serated like a Komodo Dragon's. And Komodo Dragons do not need to kill their prey in one bite either. Their serated teeth are home to bacteria, and once they bite into their prey, the wound festers and bleeds out profusely, until their injury worsens enough that the predator catches up and finishes them off. Palaeontologists have theorised T.rex may have done the same.

Opportunistic Scavengers

The issue with this debate is there seems to be this misconception that it's either one or the other. But what if we consider modern examples of meat eating animals? Sure Hyenas, a well established scavenger can crush bones with its jaws, but you know what else can? Lions, and Tigers, and Bears! Oh my! Crushing bones can help you kill living animals too actually.

And sure Tyrannosaurus rex has shown evidence of scavenging on the carcasses of long dead animals, and Allosaurus has been discussed reaping the benefits of a massive Sauropod carcass, but what predator wouldn't pass up on an already dead animal corpse? Big cats, bears, and wolves have been observed countless times reaping the benefits of animals killed by humans, or massive sea mammals or fish that wash up dead on the beach.

A brown bear and a wolf scavenging on a fin whale carcass, Credit: Brad Josephs

The probable truth of the dinosaur scavenger debate is that most large therapods were capable of taking down some prey items, but would not pass up a large dead dinosaur if the opportunity presented itself. Because much like the corpse of a whale at the bottom of the ocean, a dead dinosaur could sustain a small ecosystem of its own for a while.

Thanks for Reading

This was a very long blogpost, so if you read all the way through it, I much appreciate you taking the time. The topic of predatory dinosaur behaviours is ever evolving as new tests and evidence are presented. The consensus on Tyrannosaurus is currently leaning more toward predator than scavenger, but this study on Allosaurus is still fresh, and despite much of the paleo community opposing this take, evidence against it hasn't been well compiled yet.

If you have any further information you want to present on this topic, I am more than happy to hear it in the Notes, or via inbox. If you know other Palaeontology based topics that you think would be interesting to cover, my inbox and asks are always open.

You can find more articles like this linked in my pinned post.

Credits/Further Reading:

Was Tyrannosaurus rex a Ferocious Predator or a Wimp? (Wilkin & Hone); Frontiers for Young Minds

Allosaurus was not a Carnivorous Predator but a Scavenger during Late Jurassic, Study Finds (Jefferson); The Science Times

Time to slay the T.rex Scavenger Debate (Brian Switek); National Geographic

Tyrannosaurus rex was not a Fast Runner, more a Slow Walker, Simulation shows (David Bressen) Forbes

T.rex: A Hunter AND a Scavenger; The Prehistoric Saga

The Truth About T Rex - Predator or Scavenger; Dangerville - Youtube

[mosswillow]

Focus - Dark!Bucky Barnes x ADHD!Reader

Warnings! Dark! 18+ content, vaginal fingering, noncon/dubcon, smut, kidnapping, oral (female receiving)

Summary: You never should have taken the job cleaning for Stark industries. The Avengers might be heroes on the outside but something sinister lies just beneath the surface.

A/N: this is part of the Synonyms series. You can read any of them as stand alones but I encourage reading them in order if you want to read all of them. This one specifically ties them all together (but you can still read it alone and it should make sense)

This is one of those where it doesn’t feel done but I’m done writing it. I think I just hyped it up in my head too much so after actually writing it I’m like, eh it’s not as good as I thought it would be.

Word count: 3.4k

If you could just focus, everything in your life would be better.

Your inattention follows you around like a shadow. It stands behind you, silently ruining your life while you try in vain to just focus. Just don’t forget. Just stop losing things. Just pay attention. Teachers in school would tell you to stop daydreaming, that if you just listened you could do so much better. Growing up, Your parents treated you like you would never amount to anything. They would push your siblings to do well in school but when it came to you they were silent, unwilling to spend energy on a kid who couldn’t even make it through a family dinner without getting distracted. Everyone around you would laugh at your “quirky” personality. You know that for other people you’re funny, always getting yourself into trouble and making silly mistakes. You don’t think it’s funny though and you never did.  As a kid you would frequently cry yourself to sleep. You found ways to hide your stupidity so that just maybe others might overlook your shadow. You’ve tried so hard to act normal, to make check lists and routines but it never works and you always find yourself once again brought to tears after your inevitable failure.

This is why you took the job at Stark Tower all those years ago. You knew you wouldn’t excel at school  and so you took the first job you could find, cleaning for Stark Industries. It’s something you’re actually good at and the only routine in your life you’ve been able to consistently follow. It makes you move around constantly and there’s always some different puzzle to solve. You love the feeling of finally getting out a tough stain from the carpet or finding the perfect tool to finally get to a hard to reach spot.

Now, after years of hard work and an extensive background check you’ve been promoted to cleaning the Avengers floor. You have a generous salary now, health insurance, your own place with no roommates. Some people may judge what you do but you don’t care anymore. It’s honest work and you love it.

---

You walk into stark tower, showing security your badge before heading to the elevator and riding it up to the Avengers floor. You’ve had this job for a few weeks now but you still feel nervous every day. If you’re honest you’re scared of them, the Avengers, They feel unhinged. It’s nothing they do or say. It’s the general vibe you get when you’re around them, like they’re filled to the brim with unbridled anger that hides underneath a cracking exterior. Any moment they might break completely and whatever trauma they’ve all been through will spill out and consume anyone who dares stand close to them.

You start your day in one of the many bathrooms, scrubbing every surface before taking your cleaning supplies and working your way through the floor. Every day is much of the same, you spend all day cleaning the massive Avengers living area, trying your best to stay out of their lives.

You turn a corner and see Captain America with someone, a new recruit you’ve seen around but haven't met. He has her against the wall, pushing his finger into her pussy. You stand stunned for a second.

“If I don’t take action now I might lose you and I can’t lose you.” Captain America says.

You turn and jump back behind the corner, sliding your back down the wall. You can make out some of their conversation and it sounds dramatic. She’s crying and begging him to walk away. You close your eyes and tell yourself to stay out of it. It’s not your place and if you tried to step in you could lose your job.  

You hear footsteps walking towards you. Captain America stops and flashes a smile while you stand up.

“We appreciate privacy here, you understand the consequences if you tell anyone about anything about our personal lives?”

You do know, they had you sign an agreement that said they’d take everything away from you if you talked about their personal lives in any way to anyone. If you value your livelihood you won’t speak a word about it to anyone.

“I’m sorry sir, I saw you there and didn’t want to interrupt. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but, Is… is she ok?”

He crosses his arms and looks you up and down.

“Everything is consensual if that’s what you’re asking, we enjoy a little roleplay sometimes.”

you‘re not totally convinced, something inside you tells you that he’s lying to you. He looks at you so intently and you know, despite his hero status, that he wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of you permanently if he had to. you nod your head and give a smile.

“I’m sorry if I insinuated anything sir.”

He checks his watch before quickly walking away. You exhale and pick up your cleaning supplies. As you walk past her room you stop for a second, deciding if you should knock. You back away, not wanting to interfere more than you already have.

“You’re new here.” a voice says as you reach the living room.

“Yes, I just started a few weeks ago.” you reply.

“I’m Bucky.” he walks over to you, looking you up and down.

“I have a lot of work to finish.” you back up a few steps and hold your cleaning tote in front of you. Bucky stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles.

“I won’t keep you.”

---

Six months later

---

You walk into Tony’s suite and lean down to plug in your vacuum. A pop of red catches your eye and you pull a thong out from under the nightstand. You turn it over in your hands, deciding what to do with it. A hand comes behind you and takes it from you. You look up to see Tony Stark in front of you, stuffing the thong in his pocket.

“Mr. stark.” you gasp.

“From a one night stand.”

“Of course sir, do you want me to wash and return it to your... friend?”

“No.” Tony says quickly. “That will be all in here today.”

“I haven't vacuumed yet, do you want me to come back later?”

“No, just leave.”

You unplug the vacuum and roll it out the door, turning just briefly to close it behind you. As the door closes you see Tony pull the underwear out of his pocket and bring it to his nose.

You try your best over the next week to keep your mind focused on work. Everything starts to get back to normal.

One evening you hear a thud and someone yell out in pain. You run over to see Tony in the hallway standing threateningly over a woman.

“Is everything ok? You ask.

“We’re fine, you can leave for the night.” Tony says, waving you away. You make eye contact with the woman, looking back and forth between her and Tony. She nods and gives you a small, unconvincing smile. You turn around and walk away, wanting nothing more than to get home and take a long shower. Maybe you can forget about what you just saw.

On your way out you run straight into a wall of muscle.

“Hey, what’s the rush sweetheart.” Bucky catches you, holding onto your shoulders.

“I, uh, I’m sorry sir. Nothing, I’m just anxious to get home I guess.”

“Call me Bucky.”

“Bucky.” you say, moving away from him and towards the door.

“Hey, are you ok?” He takes a step towards you, cocking his head and furrowing his brow.

“Yes sir… Bucky.”

“Hey, you can tell me.”

“No, I can’t.” you look into his eyes, silently communicating the reason for your silence.

Bucky runs his hand through his hair and looks down.

“Your socks match.” he looks up and smiles.

“I’m sorry?” you look at your feet.

“You usually wear mismatched ones, it’s cute.”

You know he meant it to be a fun observation, maybe even a weird complement, but it feels pointed. You always lose your socks, it’s just one of the many small things that you should be able to do better but just can’t. You can’t even keep your life together enough to consistently find matching socks. You give a fake smile, used to laughing at yourself when these things are pointed out.

“Oh, yeah.” you laugh.

Bucky takes an almost imperceptible step towards you and you in turn take a very obvious one backwards.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sir.” you say.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky.” you give a tight smile before walking away.

---

Two weeks later

---

Natasha hands you a book.

“Can you wrap this please?”

“Yes ma'am, whose name should I put?”

“Say to my little bookworm, Love Nat.”

You wrap the present lovingly, putting extra care into it. You’ve seen them together, Nat and her girlfriend. Tony and Steve’s wives mostly keep to themselves but Natashas girlfriend is always nice to you, acknowledging you and thanking you when she sees you working. She owns a bookstore that you’ve visited a few times and always remembers you when you walk in.

“I think you forgot a piece of tape.” Bucky whispers in your ear making you jump. He’s started doing this, becoming more comfortable around you, touching you in small ways and getting just a little closer than what’s appropriate. You grab another piece of tape and secure a bit of paper.

“Thank you.” you say as you tie a bow around the gift and write the note. You pause with your pencil trying to remember what Natasha told you to write. You should have written it down when she told you it. You curse under your breath, wishing you had paid better attention when you were given instructions. You remember it was something easy but not exactly what she wanted.

“I have to get this back to Ms. Romanoff.” you push past Bucky.

“Did I do something to make you upset?”

You stop and look at him.

“No sir”

“Bucky”

“I just prefer to remain professional while at work,” you look down.

“What about outside of work?”

“I would rather keep that life separate. I’m sorry, I just really like this job and don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize it.”

Bucky clenches his jaw and you half expect him to grab you and push you against the wall like you’ve seen the captain and Tony do to their girlfriends and then wives. You flinch when he takes a step towards you. He reaches out, brushing the back of his hand over your cheek.

“I’m not like the others,” he whispers.

You’re not sure what to say, you just nod and watch as he steps back and walks away.

---

One month later

---

You’re doing dishes, scrubbing hard against burnt on food that was never soaked or even rinsed. One of them had a date the night before, making a complicated meal.

“How long until you get your girl?” Thor says to Sam as they walk into the kitchen.

“Tony’s working on it, probably a few weeks before I can take her home.”

They each grab oranges and head into the next room. their voices get quieter for a few minutes then louder again as they walk back to throw away their orange peels.

“I’m envious, I often fantasize about finding mine, If only I knew where she was.” Thor says.

“You have no idea where she could be?”

“I must confess, friend, I don’t even know what planet she’s on. She’s a slippery little lady.”

You stop washing dishes for a second, mind trying to dissect what you’re overhearing.

“You ok?” Bucky sets a plate next to the sink.

“Yes sir.” you reply, taking the plate and washing it.

You turn off the sink and turn around, seeing multiple dishes you forgot about. You pick them up and bring them to the sink, restarting the cleaning process.

“I think you should take a vacation.”

You look at him and raise your eyebrows.

“You’re a hard worker, and fast too.”

You nod in agreement.

“You’re… unusual to watch though.”

You set the last clean dish in the drying rack and turn your back to Bucky, taking a step away. You put your hand in your pocket to pull out your phone which holds your to do list but it’s not there. You look to your right and left and then turn back toward Bucky. He holds your phone out to you and you grab it and open your list.

“This is the third time today you’ve misplaced your phone.”

“I appreciate your concern, you’re very observant.” you bite your tongue before you say something aggressively inappropriate to your boss.

“Hey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You’re very smart and capable, I just noticed it’s been worse lately and think you should take a break.”

You take a deep breath.

“I’m taking next week off.” you say, grabbing a broom and walking out of the kitchen.

“Good.” Bucky yells after you.

---

Three months later.

---

Your phone rings, waking you up from a deep sleep.

“Hello,” you say sleepily.

“Hey, can you come in ASAP?” Tony says from the other end.

You jump out of bed.

“Of course, I’ll be there soon.”

You quickly get dressed and run out of the apartment. You gasp and drop your bag as soon as the elevator door opens. There’s a huge mess covering the entire living room and kitchen. There’s broken glass and furniture everywhere as well as a hole in the wall. It looks as though there was a fight and you wonder what happened. You get to work right away.

Thankfully a few of the Avengers wives come and help you clean up. Natashas wife evidently is back from a long honeymoon and you’re happy to see her. You smile at her and she frowns back at you.

“Are you ok?”

She looks away. “Just tired.”

You watch her give a tiny flinch as Natasha calls her name from the next room. Something is very wrong.

“You got this cleaned up fast.” Bucky says, taking a dustpan away from you and dumping the contents into the trash.

“I had help.” you say, looking over to where Natasha and her wife stand across the room.

You look back at Bucky and give a sweet smile.

“I was wondering if I could leave a little early on friday. There’s a birthday party for my grandmother.”

“I think you’ve earned leaving a little early after today, you’re welcome to get ready for your party here too. You can use the guest room.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Bucky.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“Thank you Bucky.”

---

You put on your dress and a full face of makeup, admiring yourself in the mirror before heading out. Bucky stands outside of the guest room door, obviously waiting for you.

“You clean up nice.”

“Thank you.”

Bucky clicks his tongue as he stares at you.

“Did I ever tell you that you remind me of someone I used to know?”

You back away.

“No, you didn’t.”

“I miss her.”

You try your best to take even breaths. The way he looks at you makes you deeply uncomfortable. You feel naked despite your dress being on the conservative side. You make the mistake of looking straight at his crotch, seeing a very visible bulge. You gulp and shift uncomfortably on your feet.

“Have a good time at your party.” Bucky says.

“I will.” you say politely before basically running to the elevator. You get in and realize you forgot your phone. You walk back to the guest room where Bucky waits, holding your phone out for you. You grab it and turn around but bucky catches your arm.

“Focus, do you have everything you need.”

You shift your eyes away and realize you forgot your wallet and keys too.

Bucky grabs your things out of his pocket and hands them to you.  

“Thank you.” you breathe.

Bucky hums and lets you go.

“Be safe,” he yells as you walk back to the elevator, this time taking it down and leaving the tower.

---

Three months later

---

You’re going to quit today. As good as the money is it’s not worth the fear and stress of working there. Not only have you become more and more concerned about the wives of the Avengers but you just can’t take Bucky anymore. You’re scared of him. The way he looks at you makes you feel as though he could decide at any minute to lock you in a room and tear your clothes off. You feel constant stress at work and have developed a tremor. No amount of money is worth this work environment. The lease at your apartment is about to end and you’ll move back with your parents until you find a new job.

You enter the avengers floor and hear yelling.

“Fuck!”

“I thought we were kidnapping women?”

“You weren’t supposed to just snatch one. Now there’s a whole mess to clean up.”

“Thor just took his.”

“He has a point.”

“Thor had that whole betrothal thing.”

“Touche.”

You make eye contact with a scared woman who is sitting on the couch with her hands tied in front of her. She mouths run and you do, running out of the tower and home. You start frantically packing a bag, throwing your phone away since you’re sure they can track it.

“There’s nowhere to hide baby.”

You scream as Bucky pulls you away from your suitcase and throws you on your bed.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” he touches your face, smoothing his finger over your lip.

“We’re married now, Tony already set it up. I’m going to take you on a honeymoon on an island until I can trust you.”

It clicks in your head, the honeymoons. They always come back so quiet and introverted.

“What did they do to those poor girls?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Tears start forming in your eyes.

“I won’t tell anyone, just let me go.”

“This is the only way.”

Bucky’s hand travels down your body, grabbing your waistband and pulling your pants off. He puts his hand in between your legs and you squirm away, clenching your legs tight.

“Please baby, I don't want to hurt you but I will if i have to. Now open up”

You shake your head, tears now spilling down your cheeks. He slaps you hard and you clutch your throbbing face, crying out and pushing your body against the headboard. You slowly and shakilly open your legs for him, closing your eyes as he dips a metal finger in your pussy.

“I’m not like the others.”

He thrusts his finger in and out.

“They took those women out of greed. They feel like they deserve love after everything they’ve given up... we’ve given up.”

He reaches his other hand up, still fucking you gently with a metal finger, and grabs your chin, shaking your head gently until you look at him.

“I just want you to be safe and happy.”

Bucky pulls his finger out. He grabs his cock, stroking it as he looks at your naked lower half. You try to close your legs but he grabs them, pulling them open. He kisses your mound gently and you arch your back involuntarily, pushing your pussy into his face. He grabs your legs and holds you against his mouth, suddenly sucking and licking until you’re coming undone. The pleasure washes over you and you relax for a second before your mind is brought back to reality. Your legs shake as He pulls back and smiles at you, climbing over you and pushing his impressive dick in. He kisses you as he thrusts into you, grabbing your shoulders and squeezing them as he comes.

“I’m going to be good for you, this will be good.” he whispers, holding you as you cry in his arms.

---

You’re forgetful. You don’t focus, don’t pay attention. It was right in front of your face and you still missed it. You always miss it. You’ve always been someone who gets themselves into trouble, always making silly mistakes and having to pay for them.

Your shadow did it again, silently destroyed everything around you while you ignorantly looked the wrong way. If you could just pay attention.

If you could just focus.

But you can’t.

[cheelduh]

hi!! can i request childe fluff with a reader who has a very strong fear of heights? like, they want to confront it and fail, and are down about it? sorry if i missed anything!

The Fall

Pairing: Childe x gn!reader

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: A shitton of typos prolly. Pls ignore any mistakes 

Synopsis: You've been afraid of heights for as long as you can remember, avoiding dangerous mountainsides completely. However, you can't quite stifle the yearning for wind gliding, wishing to experience the enjoyment of it yourself.

Note: Thank you so much for the request. Sorry I took so long, I hope you enjoy it! :)

It starts as a mellow gnawing, the fear, sometime around your early teen-hood when your adventurous cousin lugs you around mountaintops, away from the safety of your village that you're accustomed to. Then it matures, slowly but surely condemning every crevice in your body to the same paralyzingly fate.

"Isn't it beautiful?" She says in awe, clamping hand around your wrist, ensnaring you towards the edge. Her eyes are widened in amazement, brimming with wonder.

Your anxiety blinds your from said beauty. All you can see is the fall, the danger, how all it takes is one uncoordinated step or a joking push from someone to fall to your impeding doom. You don't see the beauty at all, because it's corrupted by dread.

The longer you look down, the deeper the fear manifests, deep within the pit of your stomach, becoming a never-ending inferno that threatens to consume you whole.

You scramble away from the mountainside, your cousin, staggering back until your back hits the grass beneath you, and you're trembling, shaking, unable to breath.

After that day, you never venture too close to the edge of cliffs, preferring to stay grounded, safe, away from the risk. And it works out for you, for a while.

You follow designated pathways up mountains to gather flowers and ore you need, forgoing the climbing part completely in dangerous areas. If there's no way to get somewhere without climbing too high, you just move on to another area, avoiding it completely. It works. Your system may not be the best, but it isn't supposed to be. It gets the job done, and that's all you really care about.

Although every time you catch someone wind gliding from afar, or couples enjoying the view from higher altitudes, you can't help but feel a twinge of envy, a deep rooted dejection.

Your boyfriend, Childe, doesn't really let you sulk in the misery that stems from your fear of heights, finding much more fun date ideas that involve your feet safely on the ground.

His creativity never once ceases to amaze you, every single outing with him being far more enthralling than the last.

He doesn't ask. He doesn't really need to. Being the eleventh harbinger, he has a knack for observing things that people won't admit. He's patient, caring, and loving, has all the best qualities in a person (except for his penchant for violence, which you easily bypass). To be frank, he's the best boyfriend you could ever ask for.

One day, in the midst of your cuddling session, you confess that you'd like to get over your deathly fear of heights.

Childe reassures you, peppering your cheeks with his loud kisses. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm perfectly fine with enjoying everything Liyue Harbor has to offer."

"But I want to." You pout, nuzzling your head deeper into the side his neck. "I want to appreciate more viewpoints and scenery. I want to be able to wind glide, like super super high."

He chuckles at that, finally agreeing and setting a date, but lets you know that if you wish to back out he has a number of other activities planned.

The morning comes in minutes it seems like, your jumpy nerves not allowing you a wink of sleep. You don't mourn much for the lost hours, because it gives you more than enough time to observe the adorable way your boyfriend snores.

It's not like you have a choice either, because Childe refuses to let you go—that too subconsciously. He's trapped you in a fixed position, front to front, legs tangled for the entirety of the night.

When Childe wakes up, he isn't an idiot to know you've been up all night, but doesn't seem to push it. He has a penchant for sniffing out haywire-nerves, oftentimes pointing them out in himself or his soldiers before an upcoming battle.

After you two finish with your morning routine, he takes you out. Specifically, you're headed towards Luhua pool, and it takes half the day to get there from your home back at the harbour. Once you finally reach the location, you realize why he chose it. Luhua pool is an easy place to glide, closer to shallow waters, and all the while breathtaking to behold.

"Come on," Childe outstretches a gloved hand, gently easing you in close proximity to the border of the ruin you two have climbed. "I got you."

Getting up here wasn't so bad, not when Childe was behind you, telling you to focus on each step and to take your time.

Side stepping the scattered paint brushes and random sketches that someone was in the middle of prior to this day, you clasp his hand tightly, and he weaves his fingers within your own. With a guiding tug, your face meets his chest.

"Turn around," He brushes your hair away gently. "Come on, you don't want to miss this."

Apprehensively, you peek an eye out from the safety of your boyfriend's hold, moving around so you're semi-facing the breathtaking view in front of you. When your eyes are blessed with the delicate hues of the scenery beyond you, your jaw begins to hang. Seeing everything from a distance, from high up, even if you aren't as high up as you'd one day like to be, makes everything look all the more breathtaking.

Childe's right, you don't want to miss this. You don't want to miss this ever again.

But then you look down, the intrusive rhythms of your brain forcing you to peer at the drop, the fall, inches away from where your feet are standing.

The fall. It's always the fall. You aren't even too far up, but the agitation that overtakes your entire body, numbing you completely, branching off in your heart, makes it seem as though you're hundreds of feet away from the ground.

You turn to him, to tell him about your seconds thoughts. The I'm not ready weighs down on your tongue, but the stars in his eyes as he basks in the warm casts of the setting sun terminate the words before they are even born.

So when he finally snaps out of his momentary daze, shrugging off the remaining inertia to grin at you, you doubtlessly agree to what he says next.

"Ready to try the wind glider?"

—

You failed with the wind glider. Panicked last second like a complete moron, caught your leg on the edge of a rock and then fell to your death.

Thankfully your impeccably-adept-at-flying fatui boyfriend launched himself into a free fall not even a millisecond later. With expertise like no other, he dodged your flailing hands and seized your body close to his, swiftly opening up his gliders with an experienced motion.

Even when Childe's feet landed on the ground, arms around you, safe, secure, you couldn't stop screaming, clinging onto him like you'd die if you let go. Took him a solid five minutes to calm you down, wiping at your tears and soothing you with loving words of consolation.

"Hey, are you still thinking about today?" Childe's voice draws you out of your momentary trance. "You haven't even touched your crystal shrimp yet."

"Oh," You blink, pushing them around with the chopsticks. Poking, but not eating. "Thanks."

The harbinger sighs, neatly placing his chopsticks down—not like he was using them right anyways. His hand snakes across the table, finding yours with the sole intention to relieve your unpleasant brooding.

"I'm sorry," You squeeze his hand, unable to meet his eyes yet. "It's so stupid. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have wasted our day—"

"Stop it." For the first time, he's provoked in your presence, words holding more weight in them than they usually do on his end. "You're not stupid. It's perfectly valid to want to get over your fears, in fact, I think it's admirable. I just—I don't understand why you can't see that, why you can't see how much progress you've made today. Just because you had one slip up doesn't mean anything, it doesn't erase the fact that you faced another challenge and came out of it stronger."

"What if I..." You murmur, timid when you look up to meet his piercing gaze. "What if I don't want to anymore?"

Childe smiles at that, thumb circling around your knuckle, familiar in motion. "Then that's that. Perfectly fine. We don't talk about it ever again unless you bring it up. But if you decide you want to continue, then I'll be there to catch you. Always."

"Thank you." Your beam is small, but doesn't go unnoticed by the other.

"Of course," He lets go, scooting his chair so that it's right next to yours. "And as for compensation, you can feed me. Better feed me dessert too, us fatui are clear-cut with our dealings. To the T."

You roll your eyes, soaking a jade parcel in the broth before picking it up with your chopsticks. "Fatui scum, so hellbent on collecting debts."

[the-obelisk]

By The Fire -- Fae Collection

Loki x Reader

Summary: Fireside conversations between you and the trickster.

“There you are. Where have you been?” You noticed Loki in the library/work station Tony had built for you after noticing the mess you lived. 

With all of your books being crammed in the corners of you room; And the the added mounds of paper Tony would see spread all over the common room, he was sick and tired of seeing it. 

Or worse, for him to have to deal with you asking FRIDAY a hundred times where you left your book or papers. And once Loki moved into the compound, you had even more access to a plethora of new books that he slowly moved into your library space. 

For the both of you, it was the place you often ran to for silence from the chaos that seemed to lurk the corridors of the compound.

“Loki?” You asked quietly noting that he sat on the floor, his book casually off to the side. Something about him felt off, therefore, you took a seat next to him on the floor and faced him slightly. 

“What happened?” 

He took a minute to respond. Sighing, he looked at you and just offered a weak acknowledgment. “I miss my home. As strange as it might seem, I miss being able to hide away.” You listened at his soft voice. His eyes turned back to the fire, “I miss my mother.”

You nodded. You knew very well that Loki was homesick. With his mother dead, there was no reason to return home. Asgard was no longer home to him. Instead, it was better he remained on Earth rather than his childhood realm. 

You wrapped your hand around his and leaned towards him, finding your other hand at the back of his neck. Your fingers ran softly through his hair, you projected emotions of comfort towards him. 

He smiled at the comforting presence you offered him. 

Loki looked at you, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. “Do you ever feel out of place, Y/N?” 

You looked at him, seeing the softness in his eyes made you want to wrap your arms around him and tell him to not feel so alone. “I do. When I am here— some of the times.” You spoke in a tone matching his own. 

He looked at you quizzically. It was a response, he didn’t anticipate. You seemed to flow so easily with everyone in the compound. Always talking and laughing with whomever you were in contact with. 

What he didn’t know was that you often wondered what you offered to the table for such an elite force of individuals. 

“How come?” He asked. Loki didn’t have the intention to open up, but it did comfort him knowing he wasn’t the only one that felt alone here. 

Or rather, the only one to tell him that they too felt out of place. 

You exhaled and shrugged. “I’m not like everyone else here— They all are experts at what they do. I’m still learning how to even use my powers, so I don’t excel like you or Wanda or even Vision. I can’t fight like Natasha or Cap.” You just pouted your lips and look at the fire.

“I try to make it my home, but this isn’t my home,” you sighed quietly, “It’s just an opportunity to help others while having the ability to learn more about myself, I guess.”

So with that, you trained in combat with Natasha, ran or sparred with Steve and Bucky, engaged in sparring lessons with your abilities with Wanda and sometimes, Vision. Then other times you found yourself in the lab trying to digest the scientific terms that spewed from Bruce’s lips and Tony’s demonstrations of his latest tech. Each one had a specific skill set, and when working with the others, created an dynamic force with the best of the best in their respective fields.

You wondered if you had anything to offer. You took to the artistic sides of life. Before being picked up by SHIELD for accidentally reading one of their agents thoughts— not to mention, an undercover one— you had worked as teacher, mentor, researcher. You wanted to understand the triumphs and pitfalls of humankind. Why they operated in their specific ways, how culture and religion shaped their motivations. You had questions, and when answered, you had even more questions develop.

And in many ways, you did the same with your team members. You were here to get it right, not be an expert. You wanted to know it all and even then, it became tiresome.

Loki peered into your thoughts, noting that you had once told Thor, during his visits back to earth, that it was hard to see what role you could play. You weren’t a fighter like the combat experts on the team, you weren’t a science geek-- you were simply you. Otherworldly, Y/N Y/L/N.

So what did you have to offer to the table?

Loki tuned out of your thoughts and smiled at you, “What did life look like before you got here?” 

Smiling at him, you turned back to face him. Now with your body shifted towards him, and fingers still twirling the ends of his hair. 

“I was a researcher, well— I guess I still am. I traveled to a bunch of places like Cambodia, Peru, Afghanistan, India, Madagascar. I wanted to learn their culture, and I offered help when I could. I usually worked in small villages to avoid the connection of my lack of aging. So, I worked with the locals there. They taught me their history— their way of life— and I would heal sometimes, help them with harvests, teach their children. It was peaceful, to say the least.”

Loki smiled at how your eyes lit up when recounting your brief account. He listened as you continued in tone filled with deep contemplation, “I often ask myself, why are there so many quarrels, and clusters of hate? Why were we created as we were and what is our meaning? I suppose because I never was able to learn about my own origin until Thor was able to give me further insight, that I finally received answers, but they didn’t answer my larger questions.”

“Why do you think you are here?” The raven-haired man asked entertaining her thought with deep interest at your words.

You quirked your eyebrow and laughed a little. “Perhaps to learn the lessons around me.”

“And what lessons would those be?” 

“To understand peoples’ actions. To listen and to help. But most importantly,” You said in a soft tone while looking at him, “to uplift those who are learning lessons of their own.”

He knew that your last point was directed towards him. He nodded, “And what lessons are you assisting me with, little one?” 

“Right now, redemption. Yours is to learn to forgive yourself and others. To simply, do better rather than apologizing and wishing to forget the past. You are facing it, something I admire you for. And one day,” You leaned a bit closer and gazed back into his blue orbs, “you will learn to love. Yourself, others, and hopefully, the world around us.” 

Loki nodded and could feel the devotion roll off your frame. “I think you are too kind for this world.” He said quietly. It felt more like an observation for himself, but still you acknowledged it.

Running your fingers through his hair, you nodded and hummed in response. “Always be kinder than you have to be. There is more to others than you think, trickster.” You lightly tease with a soft smile and empathetic eyes.

The raven-haired man looked at you dearly and raised his hand to you cheek. Loki leaned to lay a kiss on your cheek. “I am grateful for you, my little dove.” 

Instantly, you felt your nerves bundle in the pit of your stomach. To you, his touch seemed to ignite something within.

You ran your fingers through his hair one last time before resting your hand on his cheek. Pressing your forehead against his, you closed your eyes projecting another emotion— one of endearment that seemed to swirl within you towards him. 

“I am grateful for you as well, Loki.” Kissing his nose softly, you looked in his eyes unable to read the emotions but they felt warm and gentle. 

If Loki could have it his way, you could remain that close forever; However, he smiled at you and sat in the silence of it all with you. And sadly, soon he pulled back causing you to miss the cool touch of his forehead against yours. 

“Sit with me while I read?” 

You nodded in response as his hand left yours and slowly wrapped around your frame, pulling you closer to him. You positioned your back against his frame while he used the chair behind him as a back rest. 

“What have you been reading?” 

“A collection of poems from Vanaheim.” He spoke in a low tone as he held the book that hovered above your legs. His long legs laid outstretched around yours as you nodded at him to begin. 

He exhaled calmly, flipping through the pages and started, “This one seems like a good place to begin...”

You sat there reading along the words that flowed from Loki’s lips in an entrancing manner. You fell in love with the way he narrated the long, winded poem with ease and comfortability. 

If you hadn’t known any better, you were sure he had read this book thousands of times. 

But you didn’t seem to care if he had or hadn’t. You were consumed with his emotions of safety and happiness he felt in that moment. For you, that was enough. 

And for a little while, before the world would begin again, you enjoyed the quieted world that stemmed from his verbal inflection of the poems he read. Ones that created a mini-world between the two of you in the quiet library.

[holykillercake]

Strawberry and Cigarretes

pairing: Sanji x Reader

word count: 2.6k

highlight: ¨Everything hurt, and for the first time, you wished to forget what the ocean sounded like.¨ 

warnings: slight angst

notes: This was a request from @vemuabhi​! <3 Very special because it was my first ever request! I wanted to doge the obvious path (which I almost took) and do something that didn´t involve Whole Cake Island, so maybe it is not the biggest angst (hats off to Mr. Oda cause he is Father angst) but I did my very best! I hope you all enjoy and Happy Birthday, Sanji-kun! <3

𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤, 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤, 𝕠𝕣 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤!

Do you remember when you were a kid, and you´d find a shell laying on the sand? And you would pick it up and put it on your ear, hoping to listen to the ocean? It´d always make a smile grow on your face before you tossed it aside and jumped into the water.

That time was different. When you heard the ocean share its endless secrets and tell its adventurous stories, you just wanted to sit there all day and listen. 

This specific event happened a couple of months after you joined the Strawhats. Chopper had borrowed you his stethoscope cause you thought it was cool, and in the middle of thousands of things you´ve already heard in your life, good and bad, the heartbeat was something that you were oblivious to. 

Some would think that asking to hear someone else´s heartbeat was weird, but inside the Thousand Sunny... well, those guys put ¨weird¨ on another level, and you would have to work your ass off to surpass that. 

Chopper got all blushed when you leaned closer to his tiny and furry torso, Usopp told you stories about a war he once won but had to have his heart replaced by a lion´s, Franky said that if you wanted to see a heart he could simply pull it out for you, Brook invested on the same ¨Oh, I don´t have a heart. Yohohoho¨ joke, Zoro let you listen to his wrist, Nami and Robin almost had you sinking into their generous breasts, and Sanji... you left him for last because you didn´t know how to ask him. So you just tiptoed quietly inside the kitchen, sneaked behind him, and tried to listen to his heart through his back. You feared that your nose would start bleeding if he faced you while you were doing it. 

That was exactly what he did, by the way. He poured more water into the stew he was cooking and turned around, putting out his cigarette so ashes wouldn´t fall on you. Immediately you began to sweat, your breath quickened, and hold the stethoscope with a steady hand became a herculean task. 

His lean fingers moved to the collar of his blue shirt and started to unbutton a few, enough for you to have better access. At that point, you believed that the reason why you weren´t bleeding yet was that you were slowly having a stroke, and Sanji´s action was God´s gift to you for being a good person while alive. 

Then he didn´t do anything else, just put both hands in his pockets and waited while you listened to every single bubble popping inside his chest like you were afraid to miss one. In the end, he tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and went back to his stew.

But that was all about it. The following months were just like any other, the crew kept acting as weird as their minds allowed, and you kept shutting whatever your stupid heart was yelling at you. Although... if you could be honest for one moment, deep down you were hurt. 

Maybe you scared or crept him away with your childish curiosity. Maybe he had noticed your feelings for him and got disgusted. Well, not disgusted, he probably didn´t like you the same way and didn´t know how to tell you, so keeping words to a minimum was his way to go. 

He stopped singing and twirling around you, he´d rather call your name respectfully; when you shared the night watches, he just remained quiet by your side, answering briefly to your questions or comments; he even stopped trying to sneak into your baths or make suggestive comments - which you didn´t love before, but you know, you only miss something when it's gone. 

The whole crew had noticed the change in both of your behaviors, but they too were not sure how to address it. Whenever someone asked something about it you would say ¨Really? I didn´t notice anything.¨. Either too proud to confront him or too afraid of the truth. 

~

¨Oi, you ok?¨ Zoro asked, breaking into your personal bubble of sadness. 

You knew it was Zoro because you two were taking the night watch, but you didn´t expect him to show interest or concern about your upset state. 

The night was chilly, so you were sitting on Sunny´s grass, arms around your knees, holding them close to your chest to keep the warmth. 

¨Why do you care?¨ you answered bitterly, but he didn´t mind since he was the king of freaking Bitter Land. 

¨I don´t. But I´ll go crazy if I hear you sigh one more time.¨ he sat close to you, not too close, just enough for you to listen to each other.

A chuckle left your mouth involuntarily, you never expected his grouchy temper would come in handy in times like this. Then your frowned expression came back, and you let out another sigh. 

Before you realized Zoro had pushed you with his Sandai Kitetsu scabbard, making you fall to your side with a squeak. 

¨I told you.¨

You sat again, taking some grass off your leg ¨Yeah. Can´t deny it.¨

¨Yeah, you´ve been doing that a lot lately.¨ 

He didn´t look like he was teasing you, his eyes focusing on the line where the sky met the ocean, where the stars disappeared and became blurry white brushes on the water. 

¨I... I don´t-¨

¨I think you can do better than the stupid cook.¨he kept his usual tone ¨ But I guess we don´t get to choose these things.¨ 

You were taken aback by his words, and despite you trying to fight your lips from trembling and tears from falling, it was useless. You had been crushing these feelings inside you for too long, and it killed you the more you ignored it. 

The swordsman wasn´t saying those things because he loved you or anything like that, but because the entire crew - except for Luffy - had already noticed and began acting weird about it. And despite being the captain´s duty to solve any problem or an uncomfortable situation, your captain was a bit too oblivious, so he had to step in. 

Besides, his nakama was getting hurt. He didn´t care about the ero cook. 

¨If you want me to beat him up... just let me know.¨ 

He said it to cheer you up - not that he didn´t mean, he´d do it for much less - but nothing seemed worth smiling for now. You just bit your lip in order to avoid an embarrassing whining, since you were unable to stop the painful tears from rolling down your cheeks. 

Everything hurt, and for the first time, you wished to forget what the ocean sounded like.

¨W-What should I do?¨

¨That´s not my problem to solve, Y/N.¨ he stood up beside you ¨But sometimes, when I have a difficult problem that I can´t solve my way...¨ his gaze still locked with the horizon ¨... I think about what my captain would do.¨ he left without any further words, leaving you not only sad but confused as well. 

You slept on it for the next couple of days, still not understanding what he meant. Maybe he just wanted to leave the conversation and said whatever came to mind. But even that didn´t fit right. If he didn´t want to be stuck in an uncomfortable conversation, he wouldn´t have started one. 

So you took as a personal mission to observe your captain until you learned how to think like him, hoping that figuring that out would solve your problem. 

You had joined the crew as a historian, the person responsible for writing down every adventure meticulously, every tiny detail of every battle, and every glorious victory along the Strawhats journey. So in one dusk, when you were in charge of the night watch with Robin and the moon was full and bright, you took your journals and began rolling through the pages, looking for a pattern, something that anticipated every major decision of your captain.

You even borrowed old diaries from the time you were not part of their crew. The stories lacked details, but they served to paint a picture. Basically:

Luffy insults an ugly lady, saves a kid, eats something, finds Zoro, beats the crap out of a crazy marine, saves the day, gets his first crewmate. 

Luffy gets eaten by a bird, then vomited in a town, finds Nami, eats something, is put in a cage, beat the crap out of some pirates, saves the day.

 Luffy wants a new ship, meets Usopp, eats something, gets thrown from a cliff, beats the crap out of some pirates, saves the day, gets Going Merry and a liar. 

Luffy wants a cook, explodes a restaurant, becomes a waiter, eats something, meets Sanji, beats the crap out of some pirates, saves the day, gets a cook. 

Luffy eats something, finds the fishmen, goes for a walk, is thrown in the water, beats the crap out of some pirates, saves the day, gets a navigator.

Luffy wants a doctor, eats everything, fights some crazy ass bunnies, climbs a mountain, meets Chopper, beats the crap out of some pirates, saves the day, gets a doctor. 

Luffy eats something, wants to fix Going Merry, meets Franky, loses Robin, beats the crap out of some world government agents, saves the day, gets an archeologist, a shipwright, and Thousand Sunny. 

Luffy hears a ghoulish singing, finds a speaking skeleton in a busted ship, has his shadow stolen, beats the crap out of some Warlord of the Sea, gets a musician.

When you finished the last journal, the weight of your body pushed you to the floor, and you laid on your back for a couple of minutes, overwhelmed by the amount of information in your head.

¨I know what to do...¨ you took a deep breath ¨... I´m gonna eat something.¨

You mumbled something to Robin, telling her that you´d be back in a few minutes, and wandered to the kitchen. 

As soon as you entered the room a sweet and comforting aroma like whipped cream and strawberries invaded your senses, making your head turn to the counter immediately. 

¨Y/N-chan...¨ the cook said.

You opened and closed your mouth a couple of times, looked at him, and then to your feet, your fingers fidgeting as a sign of your anxious state. 

¨D-Didn't know you were awake.¨ you marched to the table and helped yourself with some sugar cookies.

¨Oh... It won´t take much longer...¨ you heard his muffled voice somewhere in the back of your mind, all you could hear was the blood pumping in your ears ¨... cake because today is my birthday and I thought we...¨ your vision was focused on the cookie jar, crushing the granular biscuit with your fingertips ¨...and I...I didn´t know if-¨

¨What would Luffy do?¨ you whispered to yourself.

¨W-What?¨ 

¨What would Luffy do?¨ 

The question wasn´t for him, it was for you. You felt something growing inside your chest, like the blood that pumped in your heart was boiling and burning, giving you the strength and courage you needed. 

¨I have been trying to find answers to a lot of things, you know?¨ you stood up to face the cook, palms spread on the table, ¨I ... do you hate me, Sanji?¨ 

He stopped what he was doing and let the knife rest on the cutting board. When his gaze found yours, there was no way back. That is what Luffy would do. He´d eat something, do whatever came to his mind, and deal with the consequences. No need to go back. 

¨Y/N-chan... why do you...¨

¨I mean, I ask this because...¨ you clenched your hands, cursing yourself for feeling the need to cry ¨I can´t take this anymore, Sanji! If I did something to offend you or if I said something...¨ your voice was broken and weak, and you were a mess of tears and sobs ¨You don´t have to love me back, that´s not what I am saying, but... I can´t stand-¨

¨Y/N-chan... why do you think I hate you?¨ he wiped his hands with a towel and made his way towards you, slowly.

¨Oh, come on, Sanji... You treat me differently, you´re cold and distant, you don´t say a word to me even when we share night shifts! If you don´t hate me, then this must be a sick game you´re playing.¨ your legs felt wobbly, and you sat back in the chair, not being able to face him anymore.  The courage and strenght you had minutes ago was gone.

You just watched him get closer and kneel in front of you, his cold fingers gently brushing away the hot tears on your cheeks. 

¨I could never hate you, Y/N.¨ he said softly ¨I am sorry I made you feel like this, I am sorry I made you cry...¨ his fingers touched your trembling lips. 

¨Then why...¨

¨I didn´t want to scare you away like I always do, Y/N... I know I can be too much sometimes, with the nose bleeding and everything. But that´s how I am, and I didn´t want you to think of me as an idiot... so I prefer being silent, then say something stupid and... ¨ 

¨You don´t have to say this. I don´t need pity talk...¨you spoke as more tears fell, giving him a chance to take his statement back.

¨I have to, Y/N. But not because of pity talk.¨ he gently pressed his forehead against yours, like bunnies do when they apologize. 

¨Then why?¨ 

¨Because I love you, Y/N.¨ the blonde closed the space left between the two of you, kissing you passionately. 

He helped you get up without breaking the kiss and leaned you against the kitchen table, his hands holding your body close while yours ran through his golden hair. His mouth tasted like strawberries and cigarettes, a flavor to which you could easily get addicted. 

You parted the kiss just enough to get some oxygen, your noses were touching, and you could feel his heavy breathing against your skin. 

¨I didn´t know today is your birthday...¨ you whispered, afraid that this was a dream and you´d wake up alone again. 

¨Yeah, I was hoping to get a Happy Birthday from you, you know.¨ he chuckled.

¨I think you´ll be getting more than that.¨

You stared into each other´s eyes for a moment before he pulled you to a hug. When you leaned against his warm chest you heard it again, the same babble of the ocean, only this time you smiled, knowing that it wanted to listen to your stories and secrets as well. 

¨Sanji?¨

¨Hm?¨

¨Happy Birthday... I love you.¨

¨I love you too, Y/N.¨ he kissed you again.

¨Please, don´t have sex on the dinner table.¨ you jumped when Robin spoke.

 When you turned, you saw all your crewmates dressed in pajamas and messy hair staring back at you with sparkly sleepy eyes. You spot Zoro back in the crowd, you smiled and gave him a silent ¨Thank you.¨. You couldn´t help but wonder how the guy who manages to gets lost walking down a straight path was able to guide some sense into you. 

In any way, you´ve found it. Inside of his chest, inside of his heart was the All Blue you heard so much of. Maybe that was the thing with it, and why only a few people found it. Everyone assumes that it is a place, where the four Blues meet, but it´s easy to forget that when you´re a pirate the ocean becomes the essence of who you are.

Little did you know that Sanji had found his All Blue too.

[jjuzoir]

Homare Arisugawa General HCS

request: “Hi Sora! I never see any art/writing for my boy Homare from A3! (Maybe because his dialogue is so ridiculous.) Would you mind writing something for him?” from tlali

a/n: ahhh i don’t think i’ve ever taken so long in a request jdjdndnd but i just wanted to make it right because i love homare so much❕ he deserves everything and more i just HDHSJJA we need more homare love 🤬 his dialogue is hilarious and i feel like we need to appreciate his style more no more homare slander 🙅

word count: 1667

- He smells like earl gray tea. No one knows why since he uses unscented soaps, he says it’s probably because he spends most of his time drinking or around tea.

- He’s very particular about his hair, he uses very specific shampoos and conditioners that he will absolutely not share or change unless he notices his hair needs it. Talking about his hair, it’s naturally kind of dry so he uses a lot of hydrating products which leaves him with the softest, most fluffy hair ever. It’s like touching a cloud.

- One of his favorite gifts given to him is a tie given to him as a birthday gift by his members. Everyone pitched it, including Izumi, and Azuma picked it out. It’s black, much like his everyday tie, but it’s got a small embroidered snowflake.

- He’s got three main pairs of glasses; his everyday ones he keeps at hand when he goes out, his at home ones which are (according to him) less flattering, and his driving ones. Keep in mind he can’t drive, he doesn’t even own a car.

- He can speak french and latin, and he’s super loud about it too. He’ll sometimes slip in french phrases and no one will understand other than Chikage and it’s just a mess - Muku is always so amazed that he knows two other languages too and probably asks him to teach him sometime.

- Definitely has the prettiest handwriting when it comes to the roman alphabet, he writes in ink and with fancy pens that cost more than Banri’s tuition.

- Absolutely has a bunch of business cards printed out, each with its own quote made by him. Sakyo thought it was such a waste printing them until he realized that no matter how many Homare took when he went to run errands he always gave them all, to whom? No one knows.

- He’s very well respected in the literary community, which still shocks pretty much everyone. He gets stopped often by fans or people who’ve read his work, it happens at least once a day and Izumi really doesn’t… she doesn’t understand, poor girl.

- He’s not that good with phone calls, he’s not bad but he definitely prefers texting or just talking face to face. To him there’s just a certain level of discontent he doesn’t like that doesn’t exist in other mediums.

- His favorite shows are either comedies or heavy hitting detective shows, there is no inbetween. You’ll walk in on him watching a sitcom leave the room and walk in on a serial killer chase down.

- About his love for detective shows, his favorite pastime is trying to solve the mysteries with the main character. He’ll rewatch the episode so many times to try and pick up clues, he’ll take notes and come to a conclusion and he loves the feeling of getting it right.

- In the same spirit as the statement above, absolutely got Tsumugi and Sakyo hooked on some of his favorites and they hang out to talk about the latest episodes and the overarching mystery. The conversations can tend to get kind of heavy very quick, more than once Muku thought they were investigating a real crime and almost fainted.

- He looks like he’s probably allergic to wool sweaters, they make his skin itch and he always needs to use a shirt underneath them - so he tends to buy those expensive anti-allergic ones that need to be washed in a very specific way that could probably pay Tsuzuru’s whole college debt and it takes a lot of restraint from the playwright not to steal one and sell in the black market.

- Talking about Tsuzuru, he often gives him writing advice. Said advice tends to be very useful, like keeping a pen and notebook on him in case anything comes to mind during the day or writing daily to help ease him into a style, etc. Homare genuinely wants him to bloom into a writer and is willing to beta-read anything Minagi needs, be it a script or a sleep deprived rambling about the gay subtext in Nocturnity.

- Arisugawa sets himself reading goals each month, he likes to read at least one book. He prefers poetry books or classic english literature, but he also likes to read romance books or really bizarre dystopian novels.

- Has read more books than most people in the company and can give very detailed recommendations if you give him like a day.

- Sings operas in the shower, unless stopped he will keep going until the second act. Surprisingly good falsetto, but one time Tenma thought it was a Banshee for a second and almost cried into Juza’s chest.

- He’s not only an overly emotional drunk but also a loud drunk, he’s already quite loud but when he’s downed half a bottle of wine and a shot of vodka he’s louder than the Summer Troupe combined. Because of this, Izumi tends to restrict his alcohol intake when they’re at the dorm.

- I can see him being very big into musicals, not all musicals but a very specific niche; classic horror novels turned into musicals. He’s a very big fan of both the German and Korean versions of Dracula, his favorite song is probably “Zu Ende” or the Korean version of “It’s Over”. He also likes the Frankenstein musical too, but overall he finds Junsu’s Dracula more interesting thus his preference.

- He will talk your ear off if you mention any musical though, be it a classic like Phantom or something newer like Heathers.

- A very big fan of Ghibli movies, he told me so himself today. He really likes Spirited Away though, it’s a movie he’s watched so many times but he’s still completely enamoured by it; he probably has made the Winter Troupe watch it at least once and Hisoka definitely knows the beginning of the movie by heart now.

- Homare is also really good at drawing, not like Kazunari but he’s probably the second best. He learned by analyzing and looking at artists he admired and picking up on their techniques. A true Renaissance Man™️.

- I feel like he’d also have a bunch of skills that are kind of, useless? He can probably carve wood and make candles, he also took a course in glass blowing probably. Arisugawa just wants to try everything at least once, his motto is probably to explore and learn as much as possible, not just about art but the world (he can be surprisingly smart if you have a dictionary at hand).

- Very observant, just in general. Which can be both good and bad, it’s good because it helps him understand the situation in ways others might not but it leads to him to sometimes overthinking things and behaving in manners which may annoy or hurt others.

- He also has a hard time trying to react to social cues, as seen in game, with certain people. While he’s worked it out with the Winter troupe and the Mankai company he still struggles when it comes to new people.

- Will make little tunes he sings in the shower that kind of become a little daily song, each day there’s a new one he’ll hum.

- He also canonly makes music and he makes contemporary electro-pop, you cannot change my mind. He probably also mixes opera and classical music into his tunes, which can go from 1 minute to 10, so you end up with a very cool mix of orchestra and techno-pop - it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but he’s probably got his own niche group.

- Now, into more romantic HCs...

- He’s a good flirt, a very good flirt. They may sound weird looking back at it, but his pickup lines work and they work well.

- He knows when to stop pursuing someone too. He senses even a bit of discomfort and he’s backing away, won’t ask anything. Very big on consent and unless stated absolutely explicitly he’ll keep his distance.

- A true gentleman, please - he’ll never let his dates pay, always open the doors for them, will even do the “walk on the inside of the sidewalk” when he’s walking you home.

- His favorite dates tend to be ones where you get to know more about each other, not always necessarily by talking though. Being able to go into a bookstore and look at the books, seeing the ones you pick, what you pick at a cafe or restaurant, it all helps him draw a better picture of who you are and he likes to think it helps you get to know him better too.

- He’s very in tune with his S/O’s feelings but is afraid of overstepping any boundaries which may lead to some miscommunication at the beginning of the relationship. But it’s workable and it wouldn’t be that big an issue in the long run as long as his partner is willing to help him understand them.

- Not big on PDA, thinks certain things should remain inside - not to say he wouldn’t talk for hours about his partner to anyone who listens but things like kissing or hugs tend to be behind closed doors. He’s okay with hand holding and maybe a kiss on the cheek though!

- Likes wearing matching outfits with his S/O, thinks it shows how they’re “one in spirit, heart, and mind” and will not stop pointing it out to the point even married couples feel single as they hear him ramble on about the subtle coordination in your color schemes to create a perfect contrast.

- Notices the smallest things like how much sugar you like in your drinks, the telltale signs of when you’re lying or uncomfortable, how you act when you’re too cold or too hot, and learns it by heart.

- Homare is also the kind of boyfriend who’d confront the waiter if they get your order wrong, he’s not ashamed of it either.

- He kind of just wants to make sure you’re doing well and happy, he’s a gentleman.

- Damn… I love him so much

[linkspooky]

Mahito and Todo

Gionshōja no kane no koe, Shogyōmujō no hibiki ari. Sarasōju no hana no iro, Jōshahissui no kotowari wo arawasu. Ogoreru mono mo hisashikarazu, tada haru no yo no yume no gotoshi. Takeki mono mo tsui ni wa horobin(u), hitoeni kaze no mae no chiri ni onaji.

The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind.

Todo is quoting the Tale of the Heike, one of the most famous stories in japanese literature.  The central theme of the story is the Buddhist law of impermanence, specifically in the form of the fleeting nature of fortune. It’s remarking on the transitory nature of life. In other words, nothing is permanent. 

However, Todo only quotes the first part of the text. However, we are the exception! Is something Todo added. Not only is he altering a classical text which has implications of arrogance in a cultural context, Todo is also turning the quote around entirely to say that even if everything in the world is fading, his friendship with Yuji will never fade. 

All of this to say, that Todo and Mahito’s philosophies towards life are complete opposites. Mahito represents the inevitability of decay, which is why his touch destroys whereas Todo insists he is stronger than that decay, then that inevitability, and arrogant enough to fight against it. More on their character foiling under the cut. 

1. Life Circles

The 4-character expression (yojijukugo) "the prosperous must decline" (盛者必衰, jōshahissui) is a phrase from the Humane King Sutra, in full "The prosperous inevitably decline, the full inevitably empty" (盛者必衰、実者必虚, jōsha hissui, jissha hikkyo).

Mahito as a character is someone very observant of natural law, and the nature of the world around him. His closest friends are all literally made to be embodiments of nature as cursed spirits. 

The budhist law of impernanence is another natural law, remarking that with time everything fades. Eventually everything in this world will die. LIfe is fleeting, etc. etc. Mahito as a character has a special understanding of both the composition of the soul and the body. He can see through it in a way that others can’t. 

However, his ability to see the soul causes him to dismiss it as nothing special. It is just another part of life. Mahito as a character observes and compeltely obeys both natural law and his nature. He is a curse. He’s there to curse people. He does that to his fullest ability. To  Mahito life circles around. It cycles. Everything living must inevitably die, and because of that there’s really no point in attaching meaning to something imperanent. 

Mahito just sees it as something that goes in circles. He doesn’t see the soul as anything special. Humans and curses both have souls, so they’re completely equal in his eyes. Human awareness, reason, logic, emotions, values, connections, doesn’t add anything to it, because Mahito can’t see them therefore it’s all made up. Mahito’s argument towards life then becomes very nihilistic. 

Everything is the same in his eyes. Mahito can twist a human form to a fat, bulbous monster, but he still sees it as a human because there’s a human soul dwelling inside of it. Mahito rejects the idea that any of these things, human reason, human emotions, give any sort of value to life. 

Mahito is inherently nihilistic, at least in the sense of moral nihilism. There is no meaning to life, therefore it gives me liscense to do whatever I want. He doesn’t have any respect for life in the slightest. Everything is fleeted to Mahito, so he’s completely without respect, and without sentiment, because to Mahito there is no point in getting invested in something that is inevitably going to die anyway. 

Mahito is the embodiment of the fear of other human beings. Therefore it only makes sense, that he denies connection. Humans have no connection to one another, and no conenction to the world around them, they’re just there. It’s inherently nihilistic statement, because he’s arguing basically there’s no meaning to existence. 

Jogo even calls Mahito the embodiment of death because he reflects that idea so well, that everything dies. Even Mahito’s own curse ability is the embodiment of his inability to connect, if he reaches out and touches someone he only harms them with just a single touch of his hand. Hands are pretty basic symbols of human connections. 

However, even though Mahito’s nihilistic he’s not indifferent. He outright hates, and torments other humans. He encourages Junpei to hate life, exactly like he does. 

2. We Exist

If Mahito is a character that hates life, antagonizes life, then Todo is the complete opposite of that. Todo is someone who represents love and connection. Hence why even down to his curse energy takes the form of little hearts. 

Every detail we know about Aoi, centers around this idea of love, and particularly this love of life. The hearts are a repeating motif with him, they even appear on his volume cover. We know he has a crush on an idol named Takada. 

The first question he always asks people when he meets them is what kind of girl do they like, (but even if it’s a guy who is only into other guys he finds that answer acceptable as well). 

He dismisses Megumi from the moment he meets him, but immediately falls head over heels for Yuji. However, look at the difference between Yuji and Megumi. Megumi is someone who feigns indifference, and pretends not to be invested in the life around him. He’s always repressing his emotions and pretending he’s not interested. Yuji on the other hand, loves life, loves other people, and will react to save people’s lives without even thinking. Megumi is principled, but Yuji is unprincipled and acts on a simple love for the people around him, so therefore it makes sense why he’s more Todo’s type. 

The only other person Todo seems to respect on the level of Yuji is Okkotsu Yuta, who also said this. Whose cursed technique was converting the girl he loved into a cursed spirit to remain with him after her death. 

If Mahito’s character is built around the hatred humans have for each other, Todo is built around love. Even if it’s kind of in a weird way sometimes. He asks people what kind of girls they love. He respects people who are open about what they love. This isn’t even the first time that Love and curses have been connected thematically to each other in the series. 

Love and curses are presented as a complementary pair. That is rather than being binary opposites ,like life and death, fire and whater, they’re like yin and yang. Two ideas that seem like opposites but go together. Love can be like a curse. You can curse someone you love. Etc. etc. 

Love and hate, is much like love and cursing, seem like they’re opposite ideas. They’re traditionally held to be opposites. Mahito even comments on this. There’s Junpei who is apathetic. Mahito says the true opposite of love is hate, and saying apathy is the opposite is just japanese wordplay. He then encourages Junpei to hate people, to curse them. Mahito is a cursed spirit, hating people, cursing people is in his nature. 

Junpei even said, the hatred that the bullies constantly lobbed against him, the fact that his mother was killed, it all felt like he was being cursed by everyone around him. Cursing people, hating people, are presented as the same thing to Mahito. 

Mahito’s philosophy is basically that there’s no particular meaning to existence, therefore it’s okay to hate life. 

Both Mahito and Todo have a special insight to how cursed energy flows around him. Todo as weird as he is, seems like the wisest of all the students especially in regards to curse energy. 

Todo has a similiar perspective of the world as Todo. He too says that life, that cursed energy flows through the world. However, rather than using that argument for nihilism, he uses it for existentialism. Mahito says we don’t exist that there’s nothing special for existence. Todo says we do exist. Therefore it’s okay to love life. 

While Mahito encourages Junpei to hate and spite others, Todo does the opposite of that, telling Todo to repress his hatred for now, because he has to think of the feelings and well being of the people he loves and is trying to protect first. 

Todo is someone who fights against the natural order of things, for the sake of the love he feels for other people. He even literally fights Hanami, who is an embodiment of nature. 

Hanami, the practice of watching the blooming sakura flowers is also a symbol of transience. Todo fights against this transience, and declares himself the exception. Mahito is natural order, Todo opposes natural order. Therefore in both love and hate, and also in philosophy they are complete opposites. Todo fights for what he loves, and Mahito fights for the sake of hating others. 

Even in thie cursed techniques they are opposites. They both use their hands. However, Boogie Woogie is a cursed technique ideally suited for cooperation. When he claps his hands together he switches places with anything. Todo is like, the one sorcerer in the series whose cursed technique is far better for team fights than it is solo fights.

Mahito calls for them to curse each other. 

Todo, blows a little kiss when he’s fighting against Mahito, another symbol of love. 

(Mahito’s Let’s curse each other, is also a callback to Geto’s let’s curse each other. Geto is someone who after all, hates humans as well, at least the ones who aren’t jujutsu sorcerers). 

When Mahito shows Yuji he is all alone by killing two of his allies Nobara and Nanami (Nobara is fine though), Todo shows Yuji that they are still all together because he is carrying the feelings of his allies with him. Something Mahito would insist means nothing. Something Todo says means everything. 

Lastly, when Mahito moves to finish off Todo he’s distracted for a moment by Todo’s little locket. The symbol of his love for both Yuji and Takada. 

Which buys Todo enough time to clap Mahito’s hand and used his cursed technique even after one of his own hands is completely blown off. Hands are the symbol of connection, Todo connects to others and Mahito doesn’t. 

What’s ultimately ironic is the memories Todo has are completely fake. They are made up. Just like Mahito says, there is no meaning to life, any kind of meaning we try to make is just made up. However, even though Todo’s friendship with Yuji is completely imaginary, he obviously values it. His fake friendship with Yuji trumps Mahito who really only values his own individuality, and only thinks about himself. 

Mahito says I am the only thing that’s real, therefore it’s only natural I only care about myself.

Todo says, my friendship is Yuji is real, and our feelings will far outlast both of us. 

[nikethestatue]

Spy Games

Elriel Month - Day 3

Spying

Spying Lessons

Elain, the pretty, polite, courteous sister, who spoke well and moved gracefully, was also one who was never considered with any seriousness by anybody. Not her mother, not their weak, gentle father, not the imperious, sharp-tongued Nesta, or the self-assured, determined Feyre. However, she was a merchant’s daughter, and she was as sharp-eyed, as Nesta was sharp-tongued. 

She inherited the trait from their father--he was always able to spot a deal, or a weakness, a loophole and he used it to his full advantage when making deals. She watched him, and learned how to use her words, how to compliment and smile, how to appear innocent and helpless, while seeking favors and looking to get what she wanted. It worked. It worked with everyone--it worked with Nesta, worked with their servants (when they had them), and when they didn’t, and had nothing, Elain always managed to charm someone at the market for an extra apple, a couple of bread rolls, or a swath of cloth. Even Lord Nolan was not immune to her charms, and even though there were better offers from others, he encouraged Greyson to court Elain, despite her family's ‘reputation’. Elain loved Greyson, but she also watched and noticed. She saw groves of ash trees, the number of sentries patrolling the walled estate, and how many guard dogs there were. She didn’t even try, but she noticed...and counted...and remembered.

Nuala was good. Smooth and discrete, she’d never be suspected of keeping tabs on Amren. Though Amren was a vengeful Angel of a young god in her previous life, and she probably knew what Nuala was doing. Yet, Nuala was not so good as to suspect Elain. Because Elain knew as well. It came as a surprise, but it was apparent to Elain that Nuala closely monitored Amren, as well as Varian, when they were around. 

They were making lemon cakes in the kitchen--Elain and the twins. Baking and cooking--many assumed that that’s what Elain was good for--the kind, tidy, domestic Elain. What no one, except for one person, was privy to was that these chores quieted the roaring in Elain’s head. They silenced the visions, cleared the pounding in her skull, gave her a sense of normalcy, even if for only a little while. 

“What do you think Varian reports to his High Lord?” the question startled the twins and they exchanged quick looks.

Elain’s face remained placid, as she busied herself with grating lemon zest. “Do you think they laugh?” she chuckled. “Our court is dramatic, to be sure.”

The twins were silent. 

“Is it wise though,” she continued, uninterrupted, “to have a representative of another Court so closely entwined with the affairs of the Night Court?”

“The High Lord trusts Prince Varian,” said Cerridwen, her voice neutral.

“Perhaps.”

Elain stirred the zest into the custard and there was silence, the twins assuming that the conversation was over. 

“Does Azriel?” she suddenly asked.

They stared. 

“Does Azriel trust Varian?” she pressed.

“The lord,” began Nuala, but Elain interrupted. “Not High Lord,”

“Lord Azriel,” corrected Nuala, “does what he must to keep the Night Court safe.”

That explained everything.

“Could Azriel use another pair of eyes and ears?” Elain didn’t even know where the offer came from. Perhaps, it stemmed from the desire to be useful, to offer something of herself that so few knew that she even possessed. She turned to the twins and stared them down, her gaze unflinching.

“Teach me,” she pleaded. “Teach me what you know. What and how you do it. Please.”

“Lord Azriel may not approve,” countered Cerridwen softly.

“Let’s not tell him,” whispered Elain,

“Lord Azriel will know.”

“Eventually. I am not asking you to lie to him,” she added quickly, sensing that this was the reason for their hesitation. “Just don’t tell him. Not yet. Teach me, a little something, and then I’ll decide if it’s for me. Please. I,”

“Fine,” said Nuala. Cerridwen gave her a silent look of admonishment and surprise, but did not argue. Perhaps that would come later. “We’ll teach you the way he taught us.”

“Yes!” Elain’s brown eyes sparkled with excitement. Goodness, she hadn’t felt this excited in….well, forever.

The lessons were not what she expected, but she did not question them.

There were no weapons, or peeking through peepholes, or breaking locks.

At first, it was a little bit boring even. Odd requests, such as making conversations with random faeries--in the park, on the street, at the markets. The twins would point out a fae and order Elain to go and start a conversation. It lasted for weeks, and she even grew frustrated, thinking that they were just humoring her and these ‘lessons’ were nothing but a game. Until one day, Nuala told her to obtain specific information. She pointed at an elderly male Fae and requested, “Approach. Come back with the following information--did he serve in the first War, what rank, does he have children, how many, and what is his favourite breakfast?”

“What?” Elain stared in confusion, but Nuala’s face remained inscrutable. 

“Is there a problem?” asked Nuala. Her tone of voice...well, the tone was very much Azriel’s.

Elain shook her head and said, “no”, before crossing the street and approaching the male fae.

The realization that she could do this was thrilling. At once, she understood why she spent all those weeks approaching and making conversations with all those fae. She found ways, ways to ingratiate herself to them, to mark something small, but unique to each one, and then weave a connection around that tiny tidbit. It worked every time. 

The elderly male fae had a small, but noticeable limp. This was Elain’s opening. He was hauling a basket of groceries, and she approached gently, offering help. Oh, he couldn’t possibly trouble such a pretty lady. And she was a High Fae to boot. No, no, thank you, he could manage. Not a problem at all, she was walking that way anyway. What was he making for dinner with all those vegetables? Oh, soup? Did the wife send him to the market? Oh, a widower? So sorry. Were there children to assist? Three? That’s good that they helped out…

“He was a Captain in the Third Legion during the first War. He is a widower, with three children--two male, and one female. Three grandchildren as well. He usually eats leftovers for breakfast, because he is too lazy to cook, but his favorite breakfast are almond croissants from the Brea Bakery,” reported Elain.

A small, satisfied smile touched Nuala’s lips.

So the lessons continued. She was ordered to obtain more detailed information, and in places which were harder to access. She did. Sometimes, she failed, but rarely.

In addition, Cerridwen began training her on walking. 

Walking? 

Walking.

“Make your presence unknown,” she explained and Elain only nodded. Sure, she would learn to walk, if that’s what was required. She learned how to roll her feet in such a manner that they were completely silent with every step that she took. Learned how to notice her own body, its presence, and the space that it occupied. And learned how to make it unknown. How to melt into shadows, stand near someone and have them be unaware of her, sneak quietly into rooms and spaces. It took a month, maybe longer. Meanwhile, she learned other tricks. How to swap papers, how to pull documents with a flick of her wrist, how to read upside down (very difficult). 

“Could you take this to Lord Azriel please,” Cerridwen handed Elain a folder. 

“Um...yes, of course,” Elain took the folder, a bit surprised that Cerridwen couldn’t deliver it herself, but by the time she was going to ask, Cerridwen had disappeared.

First things first--Elain didn’t know where Azriel was.

The River House was enormous, so she started with Rhysand’s office, but it was empty. She peeked out into the garden, but only saw baby Nyx and his nanny, who was attempting to contain Nyx on a picnic blanket, and failing. Elain smiled. Nyx crawled like a fiend and made an aggressive beeline towards the fluffy peonies. No doubt, they’d be trampled and pulled soon enough. Especially, if the nanny wouldn’t take her eyes off the handsome delivery male who was standing by the gate and flirting with her.

Elain closed her eyes. Smell. Sense. They haven’t gotten that far in their training yet, but Azriel’s scent--oh, she knew it well. The most delicious scent to ever hit her nostrils. The one scent that she craved and hungered for above all others. Even in this huge house, she could isolate Azriel’s scent, as it rose above all others, at least for her. The strongest trail led to Azriel’s bedroom, which was unsurprising, even if he did not spend much time here anymore. He and Rhysand met to discuss matters of state, and then there were the mandatory ‘family dinners’ that Azriel attended. They used to be obligatory, but after the last Solstice, they became mandatory, by order of the High Lord. 

No, Azriel wasn’t in his bedroom. She followed the scent down the hallway, past the drawing room, then up the side stairs. Ah. She should’ve guessed. There was a terrace that overlooked the garden that Azriel favored. Sometimes, she thought that he observed her from there, when she tangled with weeds and seeds. But that couldn’t be. Not after the fiasco during the last Solstice and him pulling away from her with no explanation. A momentary lapse of reason on his part.

She spotted the spread of his wings. A smile touched her lips. How things were different before, when he was so comfortable around her. When he’d come and sit with her in the garden, sunning his wings, doing his work, both of them enjoying each other’s company without the need to talk. All of that somehow crashed and burned, and she didn’t know why and how to bring that intimacy back.

“Azriel,” she said, “Cerr,”

Azriel flinched and whipped his head to her. His eyes blew wide at the sight of her, standing in the doorway.

“Elain...Phhh, you startled me….” he muttered hoarsely.

And the Spymaster of the Night Court shifted with discomfort. 

She had surprised him. 

“Sorry,” she murmured and handed him the folder. “I apologize. Cerridwen asked me to give this to you.”

He was still staring at her, as if processing what had occurred. His hazel eyes raked over her body, settling on her feet for a few moments. It was like he was trying to discern how she managed to approach him so silently.

“Umm, thank you,” he said and opened the folder. It was empty.

Neither one said anything to each other, and Elain turned and stepped back into the house, her cheeks flushed.

As she hurried down the hall, Cerridwen and Nuala both appeared in front of her, grins plastered on their lovely angular faces.

“What?!” she snapped. 

The grins widened.

“There was nothing in the folder!” she exclaimed, irritated.

“No,” agreed Cerrdiwen. “But you passed the first phase of your training.”

“You surprised Lord Azriel.”