#but it is so important to me that i am deeply intimidated by it

[madeline-kahn]

@pscentral event 34: parallels + event 35: take three (arcs | favorite character | growth)

Downton Abbey 1.01 || Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022)

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

nymph. [part 2] l General Marcus Acacius

Summary:  you have been with him for a long time, but he has never seen you

Warnings:  +18, smut, fluff, oral sex (f!receiver), unprotected sex (don't do it), mythological figures treated in a simple way

A/N: I hope you will be gentle with me. your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

>> PART 1

nymph [masterlist]

You gasped for air. Brown gentle eyes were staring at you as if you were an incredible miracle that suddenly found itself in his arms. 

Marcus wanted to say something and the words were already forming in his mouth when he saw the fear in your face. With a quick movement you slid off him, sitting on the edge of the bed, just like a wild animal that was ready to run away.

"Wait. Don't be afraid." he whispered, sitting up and slightly raising his hand, "You're in no danger from me."

There was no answer, but you didn't run away either. You watched him carefully, though. The glow of the candle flames danced on his bare chest, and his face showed curiosity, delight, but also fear.

When General Acacius woke up, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen was sitting on his hips, with a face that had haunted his dreams for so long. He wanted to get to know you, but at the same time he had the impression that he knew you so well.

"I've seen you before." he said finally. He tried to choose his words carefully, he didn't want to scare you. Your eyes twitched at the sound of his voice. "After the battle. You were standing there, in the middle of all those corpses... So beautiful and so intimidating at the same time."

"It was a terrible battle." you replied quietly, and Marcus was delighted to finally be able to hear the sound of your voice too. "Many lost their lives... Many tears were shed by the mothers of the fallen..."

He heard the pain in your voice as if you had also physically suffered during that event.

"Why did I see you?" the question he had been carrying around in himself for so long finally came out "Who or what are you, sweet bird?"

You looked away as if you were trying to find the answer to Marcus' question yourself. It wasn't easy or obvious. However, you knew that you had to be honest with him, because that was the only way both of you could enter a common path.

"I am... I was a servant of the goddess Minerva. One of many." you answered.

"Nymph?"

You nodded. "Yes, that's what you call us and that's the name we took." You took a deep breath. "You saw me, Marcus, because I lost my guard for a moment. It shouldn't have happened..."

"Why?" he was surprised.

He carried this memory of you like his most precious treasure, and the knowledge that he had acquired it unfairly, almost stealing it, hurt him a little.

"I didn't want you to know about me..." you replied quietly "I was supposed to be like the wind enveloping you, I was only supposed to watch and accompany you... I guess I got too involved."

The General moved a little closer. You quivered uneasily when his warm fingers brushed your bare shoulder, your eyes looked at him in fright.

"I've felt you by my side for so long..." he said, tracing his fingers that were roaming over your soft skin, so different from the roughness of war "You drilled under my skin so deeply that even a red-hot iron couldn't get you out. You were like a grace from the Gods, like a blessing... Don't take away my hope that you were meant for me."

"Only the Gods know what is meant for us." his fingers moved to your shoulder, and a strange shiver ran down your spine.

"So why do you say that what happened to us was just an accident? A mistake? I think that's what they wanted for us."

You sucked in a breath through your parted lips, and your chest rose sharply.

Maybe there was a grain of truth in what he was saying, maybe the Gods really had been planning this for you for years. 

Was it really an accident that you found yourself near this man? Could it be an accident that his eyes finally saw you then? You didn't know the answer to these questions. All you could do was flow with Marcus as it was planned for you...

His closeness stunned your senses, just like incense did in temples. Unconsciously, your hand found his cheek. Marcus closed his eyes as if your touch was a pleasure he had never experienced before.

"The Gods bless you, Marcus." you said, stroking his face, running your fingertips over the small wrinkles around his eyes, over the scar on his cheek. "All your successes and victories, the glory you brought to the Empire, all of this is the sum of your strength and their love."

"It's all just dust if I can't have your love, sweet bird." he lifted his eyelids and in his brown eyes you saw that these weren't empty words "May the earth swallow me, may the Gods curse me if I can't know the taste of your lips... That's all I've been dreaming about for so long..."

Not a single word left your mouth. When your lips brushed his, you already knew that you'd never forget that taste. 

The next touches were as gentle as the touch of a butterfly's wings, but Marcus wanted more with every moment. His strong arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, then he kissed you with all his might. You had never experienced a kiss like this before, deep and full of lust, almost stealing your breath and soul. 

You clung to his strong body, your hands sliding into his curly hair as you kissed him back as if that was the only thing that could keep you alive. His tongue deep in your throat drew sweet moans from you. But then you felt something else beneath you, his hard manhood twitching lustfully.

You finally pulled your lips away from his, rested your forehead against his, feeling his hands caressing your back hidden under the soft robe.

"My dreams were full of you." Marcus whispered, he looked at you, but you had the impression that he didn't see you at all, as if all his senses were playing tricks on him. "But reality is even more beautiful, more perfect..."

"Forgive me, please. It was the only way I could pretend that I was one of you, mortals. It was the only way I could accompany you, even for a moment." You slid your hands to his chest, you felt the strong beating of his heart under his skin.

"Since you are like me now, you can experience it yourself. For real."

He saw a flash of fear in your eyes, but also suppressed hope. "Do you want me, Marcus?"

"More than all the gold in the world we know. More than glory and immortality. If being with you was the last thing I would do before I died, I wouldn't hesitate for a moment."

There was no lie in his gaze. There was no empty desire that you sometimes saw in other people's eyes. This man wanted you, all of you, just as you were. He loved you before he was even able to lay a finger on you.

"So take me as I am. Give me this moment so I can love you..."

"I'll give you my whole life for this, little bird..."

You kissed again, and his hands carefully slid the robe you were wearing from your shoulders. The curves of your breasts revealed themselves before his eyes, your nipples hardened from the change in temperature and fear. But you weren't afraid of Marcus, nor were you afraid of what was about to happen. 

But you realized that every time he looked at you was the first real one. It wasn't a dream, it wasn't a stolen moment on a battlefield. You were there with him. Alive, with a beating heart, with blood flowing through your veins. The same as him, mortal.

Marcus' lips kissed your jaw and slowly went down your neck, all the way to your collarbone. He took your breasts in his hands, kneading them gently, feeling their softness, his fingers caressing your nipples as his lips showered your shoulders with kisses.

"Marcus..." you sighed, closing your eyes, desire flared in your lower abdomen, and his caresses only strengthened it.

"I've never wanted anyone like I want you." he whispered, one of his hands slid lower, right between your spread thighs, "I want to lose myself in your body..."

He felt how wet you were under his fingers, proof that you wanted him too. He ran his fingers over your folds, and then found the place where your body tensed in a pleasant sensation. 

In one swift movement he laid you on your back on the bed, his lips finding yours again as his hands greedily removed your robes. Finally, you were naked beneath him, the glow of the candles dancing on your skin. Perfect.

A trail of kisses stretched between your breasts, across your stomach, and to the inside of your thighs. You gasped loudly as his hot tongue licked your core. Marcus threw your legs over his shoulders so you couldn't escape his mouth, which sucked and licked your most sensitive spots.

Moans and spasms escaped your throat, fingers tightening in his hair as he, hidden between your thighs, shamelessly brought you to the edge of pleasure.

He sucked and kissed, long licks through your folds, drinking your juices sweeter to him than the best wine. And when a loud moan escaped your throat carrying his name, he knew he had paid you the proper homage. 

He raised himself on his shoulders and looked at you from between your trembling thighs. His beard and lips were shining, his hair, thanks to you, was a total mess. But it was his eyes, darker than before, that drew you to him.

You quickly sat up and took his face in your hands, moved to kiss his lips that tasted of you. 

His whole body was tense, wanting your closeness, the relief that only you could give him. One of your hands shamelessly reached for his strained cock, stroking it. Marcus' lips parted in your kiss at this sweet pleasure.

"I beg you..." he panted "I want to feel you."

So you pulled him behind you, and he fenced you with his broad arms. The tip of his cock, guided by Marcus' hand, brushed against your entrance and slowly slid into you. A pleasant feeling of stretching and filling spread through your body, but it was only when Marcus slid in completely and hid his face by your neck, inhaling your sweet scent, that you felt that he was fully inside you.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, stunned by how complete you felt in the arms of this man. You didn't notice when he lifted his head to watch your face with the first thrust of his hips. 

At first it was slow, just enough for you to get used to his size and how you felt him inside you. But when your legs closed around his waist, it was a signal for him that he could allow himself more.

Marcus raised himself on his shoulders, curls falling over his forehead, dark eyes shining with excitement as he stared into your face. To him, you were equal to the Gods. Your parted lips, slightly closed eyes, the quiet moans escaping from your core as he moved faster and harder inside you - it was worthy of worship in temples.

"Marcus... Please..."

You didn't ask for anything specific. Maybe just for him to end this, because you weren't sure if the next fulfillment that was building in your lower abdomen wasn't meant to be your end. 

Could ordinary people survive feeling so much? It was almost too much, and all you just had was your first sip, your first bite, your first breath with him by your side.

His hand grabbed yours and pressed it to the pillow just above your head, your fingers intertwined almost painfully, but you didn't care. You opened your eyes to look into Marcus’s focused face. Furrowed brows, quickened breathing and his hips perfectly slapping and grinding between your legs.

"Can you feel it? Can you feel how perfectly you fit me?" his voice was low, hitting you with a vibrating sound, as if you were a copper bowl in his hands. "They made you for me. Just for me... They couldn't be wrong. Ugh! I want to fill you with my seed, my love..."

"Do it... Mark me as yours..."

His. You were his. You were no longer just a fleeting being between worlds, doomed to live forever. You could feel, love, desire, but also suffer, cry and lose. But you wanted all of that if you could have it with Marcus.

His movements became stronger, his hand tightening on your thigh as he slammed into you. Then you reached your peak, tears pricking your eyelids, your body arching from the fulfillment that went through you like a bolt of lightning.

Marcus was right behind you. When your velvet walls squeezed his cock, he knew that he would only want to feel you for the rest of his life. A few more, strong thrusts, a low and deep moan escaped his throat as he tilted his head, showing you his beautiful neck. His seed filled you up, to the brims, and his cock twitched in the remnants of an orgasm.

If one of your sisters had been with you in that tent at that time, she would have had a truly amazing view. Your tangled and sweaty bodies, your deep breaths, the sweet and suffocating scent filling this place.

"Marcus..." you whispered, brushing his wet hair away from his face.

He mumbled something incomprehensible, and you laughed quietly. He seemed completely dazed. However, he raised his head and looked at you, his eyes sparkling like stars in the night sky.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming. Tell me you're really here. With me."

These words were like a pleading prayer addressed only to you. Even though he had you in his arms, even though his cock was still buried inside you, he still feared that you were just a dream.

"I am. I am with you, Marcus. And if you only let me, I will stay until the last beat of my heart."

"The Gods are truly kind to me."

He stole a kiss from you, still hungry for more. A strange feeling of emptiness came as he pulled out of you and lay down next to you, pulling you so that you were as close to him as possible. His seed lazily dripped down your thigh.

"Tomorrow we go back to Rome." he said, but he sounded like he didn't want to think about it. "I will take care of your safety. You will be able to find shelter in my home" his fingers drew unknown signs on your arm "I don’t want you to find yourself in the Emperor's court right away. You are too good for this..."

"The Gods have their own plans for him." Marcus kissed the tips of your fingers that brushed his lips.

"Do not say that in front of other people. Betrayal is severely punished." he said and you nodded "In Rome we can only trust ourselves, little bird. And I will do everything to make you happy and safe."

"You are enough for me."

He kissed your forehead, hugging you even tighter. Marcus was still afraid that despite everything you would dissolve like morning mist. He was afraid that he would wake up in an empty bed, that he would return to Rome alone, and the memory of you would fade with each passing day. He couldn’t bear it.

However, when he opened his eyes, after a few hours of deep and soothing sleep, you were still next to him. You were curled up at his side, sleeping, beautiful as every time he saw you. 

He didn't think he could ever get used to the sight. You were the grace of the Gods, their gift to him. A prize more precious than anything the Emperor could give him. 

"You are safe, little bird..." he said softly, kissing your temple. "I will never stop loving you. For the rest of our lives, for eternity."

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist: @ashleyfilm @gothcsz @littlenicpascal @missladym1981 @axshadows @psychoenergy @sabsunflowergirl @pedrofan @heckzprince @hard-candy-writing

[withlove-angel]

How would they confess to you ?

(Luffy, sanji, zoro, Buggy, law)

Luffy

I think Luffy would be very straightforward with his confession, he wouldn't want to beat around the bush or cause any confusion. He would be very clear about his feelings for you and how much you mean to him. He might not be the most romantic person in the world but he would try his best to show you how much he cares about you and how important you are to him.

He might start by saying something like, "You know, I've been really enjoying our time together, and I have to say...I'm starting to fall for you!" Then, he might add, "Oh, who am I kidding, I've completely fallen for you! You're the only person who can make me smile like this and I never want that to go away." He might even end his confession with, "So, wanna be my treasure?"

Sanji

Well, Sanji might not confess right away, but he might start with subtle hints. He might drop little compliments or flirt a lot more. He would also make an extra-special meal to impress you. Eventually, he might get up the courage to tell you how he feels, and he would say something like "You're so beautiful and kind, it's hard not to have a crush on you"

That's true! Sanji does like to flirt, but he's also very respectful of women and their boundaries. He wouldn't push if you said no, but he might be a bit... persistent... if you said maybe, or said you wanted to get to know him better before making a decision. He might ask you more questions about yourself and your interests, or try to impress you with his cooking or fighting skills. But he wouldn't force you into anything, even if he does really like you

"I love your smile, and your laugh. Your eyes sparkle like jewels and your hair is like the sun on a sunny day. You're strong and brave, and you don't let anything stop you. I want to be the person who makes you smile the most in the whole world. My heart is yours; will you please accept it?"

Zoro

The way I envision it, he'd confess during a time of quiet, peace, and contemplation. He'd be hesitant, nervous, probably even a little awkward in his own way, but he'd do it without hesitation because it's what he's feeling. He'd want it to be genuine and sincere, and maybe it'd even be a spur-of-the-moment decision. If it's a more emotional moment, his swords might even be discarded to the side, as a symbolic gesture

*deep breath*" Oi. You know it's me, right? There's something I wanna get off my chest. It's not easy for me to put it into words. I don't know if I'm making sense... But here goes. I kinda like you- like like you. A lot. I think I've felt this way for a while now, but I haven't been able to say it. I know it's a lot to just say out loud, and it feels a bit... reckless. But I gotta just get it out. I like you."

Buggy

Buggy likes to present himself as powerful and intimidating. But deep down he's just an insecure guy who worries about what others think of him. In a private setting with someone he trusts, I think Buggy would be a lot more honest and open about his feelings. But he would still do it his own way, maybe in a roundabout way without actually saying the words "I love you".

I think Buggy would be very loyal and protective in a relationship, and he'd make sure that his partner knows that he values their connection deeply.

He would be careful not to say anything overly cheesy or melodramatic. He might try to lighten the mood with a joke, or compliment you in a way that makes you feel special and important to him. He would probably try to impress you with his strength and courage, and show off his abilities as a fighter and leader.

He would probably also be quite thoughtful and sweet, and show that he really cares about your well-being and happiness. But he wouldn't want to be too vulnerable or emotional, so he would likely try to keep things light and playful.

"So.. I.. err.. *cough* you're the most beautiful and amazing person I've ever met. (Turns all red) *cough* I mean... err... you're not too bad I guess. (Tries to smile) Wanna.. err.. be my partner.. I mean... umm... *cough* wanna be my romantic partner? Yeah, that's it. *cough* That was a joke, right? Right?"

Law

Law is the type to give subtle hints that he likes someone while keeping his feelings under wraps. If you like him too, you'd probably have to make a move first. He's the type to deny his feelings until the moment they're expressed. He has a hard time displaying his emotions, although he's quite a warm person internally.

If you confess he would probably be stunned at first. He wouldn't expect this to happen. However, once he processes what's occurred, he would probably say something along the lines of "Oh... hmm. Is that so?" His expression would definitely display his surprised and potentially pleased state. Though, he'll probably keep his answer brief and ambiguous. But the slightly blush and smirk on his face dont lie...

[daringlyhers]

Integra x Fem!reader

A/N: Hi! This is my first fanfiction so please bare with me if it’s kind of lame LMFAO if you have any tips please tell me in the comments <3

Pairings: Integra x reader | Platonic! Alucard x reader

————————————

You were always there for her, both mentally and physically. Most of the time you were glued to her hip, keeping her company or helping out with the most mundane things. You were her best friend… though in the back of her mind she wishes you two were more.

You stand by her side, playing with her hair while she focuses on some documents in front of her. “Surely you’re bored” she mumbles out.

You giggle slightly “Never” you respond back. She hums back, acknowledging what you said but not quite believing you.

You sigh, gathering all her hair before separating it in three equal parts so you can braid it. “You’ve been working on these for a while now. Don’t you want to take a break?” you question gently before immediately scoffing “Of course you don’t. This is my way of telling you to.” you say, replying to your own question.

She looks up at you, an amused smirk on her face “Oh? Am I right to guess you have something in mind that is more important than these documents?” she questions. She was fully aware that this was your attempt at pulling her away from her never ending work and she can’t help but feel her heart flutter at your concern.

You sigh in exasperation, finishing up her braid. You admire your work before unraveling it, knowing she would rather not be seen with it. “Hmm, I don't know. Maybe eating something, you know, so you can continue to survive” you say with sarcasm.

Integra rolls her eyes, though a hint of amusement is present in her next sentence “Survival, hm? I suppose I can’t argue with that logic”. She leans back in her chair, stretching out her back and rolling her shoulders, letting out a sigh. After a moment of silence, she speaks up “I suppose a short break won’t hurt but you know I’m more than capable of managing my own”.

You gasp in fake offense “I know that! I’m only saying this because I’m bored…” you reply, walking in front of her seated from. You cross your arms, giving her a playful glare and she chuckles softly. “Oh how very intimidating” she teases you “Your glare could rival that of Alucard himself” she says, her smile seeming to grow.

You gasp, quickly shushing her “He could be listening!” you say, looking into all the dark corners of her office while sweat dropping “We’re just kidding Alucard!” you say, worrying if he heard.

Integra shakes her head, hiding a smirk behind her hand at your reaction “Oh, don’t worry Y/N” she says, her voice sounding amused “Alucard wouldn’t mind a bit of harmless teasing”. She folds her arms across her chest “Besides, I can handle him. I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do that would phase him”

Your eyes seem to light up “That’s so true!” you practically sing out “You hear that Alucard?! You’re a freak and you smell bad!” you say, puffing out your chest with a broad grin.

Integra facepalms with a sigh, shaking her head “You’re incorrigible,” she mutters under her breath, though her tone still held amusement.

Suddenly, a deep chuckle echoed from the shadows and a voice resonated through the room. “Now, now, I’m hurt,” the voice drawled, heavy with a thick Eastern European accent “I happen to have an excellent smell”.

You squeal, jumping into Integra’s lap for safety. You look towards Alucard’s voice with wide eyes “Alucard” you say in surprise “You were really there!...I was only kidding!” you squeal out. Integra laughs lightly, her arm wrapping around you, securing you firmly.

Alucard emerges from the shadows, chuckling deeply at your reaction. His tall, imposing figure moves closer, a smirk on his lips. “So quick to cower?” he teases, his red eyes watching you closely “I had hoped for more of a challenge” he hums out.

You chuckle nervously “Ah ha ha… hey! Stop getting closer!” you say, pointing at his approaching figure. Alucard simply raises an eyebrow, a smirk still present on his face. He takes more slow and measured steps to you and Integra. He clearly relishes the fact that he’s making you uncomfortable. “What’s the matter? Afraid of the big, bad vampire?” he teases, his deep voice dripping with humor.

You look up at him like he’s dumb “Ummm, yes?!” you say back. Finally you call out to Integra “Integra…” you say or more like borderline whine “Don’t let him kill me! I’m still too young” you say dramatically, burying your face in her shoulder.

She laughs now, her hand coming up to the top of your head and petting your hair “Oh, calm down you theatrical little thing,” she teases light-heartedly. “Alucard wouldn’t dream of killing you, you’re way too amusing for him to get rid of” she muses.

Your head immediately perks up “Really?” you question towards Integra but Aucard’s deep chuckle rings out through the air “Oh, trust me,” he says, his voice smooth and confident “You’re far too entertaining. Why would I want to get rid of such a great source of amusement?” he questions.

You slowly grin, puffing out your chest and placing your fists on your hips “That practically makes me immortal” you say confidently with a gloating grin. Integra rolls her eyes from behind you but there’s a small smile on her face.

Alucard arches an eyebrow, his smirk turning into a sly smile. “Well, well,” he says, his voice oozing with amusement “Quite the confidence. How about we just say your immortality comes with terms and conditions” he drawls out.

You chuckle nervously, pushing further back into Integra’s lap “No… I’m one of those free immortals” you say back. Integra’s arms wrap tighter around your waist, making sure you’re snuggly pressed against her. Her hand comes up to stroke your hair again, a reassuring gesture. “Oh, I’m sure you’d like to think so,” she says, her voice dry. “But I hate to break it to you-” she goes to say before getting cut off by Alucard’s chuckle, a dark, dangerous sound.

He takes a step closer to you, looming over you both “No ones truly immortal,” he says with mirth “We all have our time, one way or another”. You gulp, having to crane your neck to look up at him “S-Stop that, you’re not funny!” you say while glaring up at him pathetically.

He merely chuckles once more, his smile never leaving his lips. He leans down slightly, resting his hand on the edge of Integra’s desk. “Oh, I’m not teasing,” he says, his voice taking on a darker tone. “I speak the truth. Everyone meets their end eventually.”

Integra, the ever observant lady, notices your unease right away. She tightens her grip, drawing you impossibly closer to her. You shiver at Alucard’s sadistic smile “Stop getting closer! Or I’m staking you!” you say, grabbing Integra’s quill off her desk and pointing it threateningly at the dangerous vampire. You know you look absolutely ridiculous pointing a quill at the most powerful vampire to ever live.

Alucard simply raises an eyebrow, looking absolutely amused rather than threatened. He doesn't back away but does stop his descent. “You? Stake a being as powerful as me, with a quill?” he asks, a hint, no his whole voice dripping in mockery, “I don’t know if you’re extremely brave or just plain foolish.” he muses, the corner of his eyes creasing with his smile as he finally straightens himself up, putting distance between us.

You gasp in offense “That makes me brave” you growl out. That only makes Alucard’s smile widen, he now wears a wolfish grin. He seems to take great pleasure in riling you up “Ah youthful audacity,” he hums out, his voice almost sardonic. “So naive, yet so confident. But let me ask you this- do you even understand just how powerful I really am?” he questions.

You glare at him harder “Let's find out then” you quip before lunging for him. Although you wheeze rather than him. You just now remember Integra’s grip around your waist, keeping you in place instead of allowing you to try and get at the grinning creature.

You struggle in her grip “Let me at him” you say, twisting in her arms in an attempt to get free. Unfortunately Integra holds your firmly, her arms tightening their hold. She gives a small laugh, amused by your fruitless attempts to break free. “Oh, would you settle down,” she chides, amusement dripping in her voice. “You’re not attacking anyone.”

Alucard barks out a laugh, amused by your eagerness to end his immortal life. “Quite the little firecracker you have there, master Integra'' he merely responds back. You huff in defeat, going still in Integra’s hold “You’re lucky she’s holding me back, Alucard. Or you would be d-e-a-d” you say, spelling out the last word. In one last act of defiance, you throw the quill at him, it uselessly bouncing off his chest.

Alucard doesn’t even so much bat an eye as the quill bounces off his chest. He just smirks down at you, his eyes glittering with dark humor. “Ah, yes, I’m so terrified,” he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm . “A young, fiery human with a quill. Truly, a force to be reckoned with.”

Integra chuckles, shaking her head “Do forgive her, Alucard,’ she says, holding you snugly against her “She tends to act a bit rashly when provoked”. She pinches your ear before letting go and you yelp “Ow!” you squeak out, rubbing your now pulsing ear. “Whatever” you grumble, looking down at the ground while sulking.

Alucard, still standing over the two of you, notices your sulking state. He lets out a small snort of amusement “Tsk, tsk,” he says, his grin returning “Quite the sore loser, isn’t she?”. Integra rolls her eyes and sighs, knowing you will retaliate but there’s an affectionate look in her eyes as she gazes down at you.

Your head snaps up, a murderous glare on your face “Why you little-” you say, once again struggling in Integra’s grip. Eventually you make it out or more like she lets you go, either in exhaustion or plain curiosity in wanting to see how this will turn out.

You lunge for him, picking up the discarded quill on the ground in the process. You stab at him, trying to get a hit but he easily dodges each of your attempts, his movement quick and agile. “Hold still!” you yell out. His deep laughter echoes in the room, finding great amusement in your act to “stake” him, as you called it. “Oh, this is comical,” his voice filled with mockery. “Quite the feisty one, aren’t you?” he teases your agitated form.

Integra watches you both from her chair, exasperated but wearing an amused grin at the scene unfolding. This was a pretty great way to spend her break.

[sundrop-writes]

My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader

The joke's on you - we are salt and you are the wound.

Summary:

Ellie confronts your abuser, and after years of torment, you finally feel free.

Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader. Strangers to Lovers. Hurt and Comfort. Can be read with or without considering the canon events.

Word Count: 9,600

The Last of Us Masterlist | AO3 Link

THIS IS A RE-POST. This is a fic from my old blog (a blog that was shadowbanned, forcing me to move). This fic is not stolen, it is completely mine, and I am just re-posting it to help people find my new blog, and to make my masterlist complete when I post new fics for this fandom.

Detailed warnings and author’s notes below the cut.

Warnings: reader uses she/her pronounces, the reader is a lesbian/does not date men, themes of abuse and abusive relationships, domestic abuse, ‘love at first sight’ trope, could be considered ‘soulmates’ trope, hurt and comfort, the reader is being abused by a family member and is saved by Ellie,the reader is being emotionally and physically abused by a family member, evidence of emotional manipulation/brainwashing in the reader character, the reader character has injuries from physical abuse, trauma, becoming free from abuse, depictions of violence (fist fighting between Ellie and the abuser), mentions of guns and gun violence, there is elements of Joel and Ellie’s relationship in the background and this could be read with or without considering the canon events (their emotional falling out), mentions of alcohol, drugging someone against their will (done toward the abuser), threatening someone’s genitals with a knife (done toward the abuser), kidnapping and intimidation through violent threats (done toward the abuser), mentions of hanging/choking/suffocation, use of lesphobic slurs (I think ‘rug muncher’ is the only one?) (from the abuser towards Ellie), Joel and Ellie making a kidnapping (and potentially murder) plot together, this has a happy/hopeful ending. 

A/N: Another re-post of a fic I really, really love. This one is particularly deeply personal to me. Whenever I write about the concept of abuse, it’s very emotional for me, but this one has some more personal touches - because it is about abuse coming from a family member and how it can be difficult to part from that because you rely on them for survival and resources that keep you alive. Often times when people think about abuse - or when abusive relationships are modelled in media, it is a romantic relationship, and they display how a person can go from sweet and romantic and turn into a monster, and how it manipulates the victims emotions and makes it difficult for them to leave. And I do think that is an important story to tell, but one equally important - the story of an abuser who is a constant in your life, and makes you dependent on them for survival, and it causes you to rationalise all of their poor actions and behaviour because you need them. You want them to be a good person in your mind because you don’t know how to sustain your life without them.

Another deeply personal touch on this fic - the title. It is titled after a Fall Out Boy song, and you guys might know - I fucking love Fall Out Boy. I feel like all of their songs have a direct cord to my soul. But this one in particular is so special and tender for me. I was struggling with what to title this fic, and I was going through a playlist of songs that I listen to frequently - and this one came up. Although I believe the original intent of this song is about a cheating spouse, for me, it brings up feelings of how I think of my abuser. Especially the lines ‘I’m the kind of kid that can’t let anything go, and you wouldn’t know a good thing if it came up and split your throat’ and 'this is me wishing you in to the worst situations’.

I feel like it is very accurate, because Ellie is someone who is very 'wearing her heart on her sleeve’ and through this fic, she wants to be emotionally detached and leave the situation alone, but she can’t. And it turns her heart into this weapon against her, and ultimately, against the abuser. Because it is only of the fact that she cares so much about y/n that she wants to hurt the guy at all. And it also works to describe y/n’s feelings, because she hates that she has emotional attachment to her abuser, but she does, and it makes her feel as though her heart is a weapon against herself. So yeah. I hope you enjoy this fic, and if you relate to it somehow, I hope you can heal.

...

Ellie didn’t believe in love at first sight. 

She was the type of person who thought it was cheesy - some made-up bullshit built for movies and books to sell people on the type of story that would never actually happen. She founded herself on facts, and though she knew realistically it would never happen in her lifetime, she thought that space travel was far more factual than something like love at first sight. 

Until she met you. 

And yeah, it probably wasn’t love - at least not true love - until later on. But there had to be some reason that she stuck her neck out for you like that. There had to be something drawing her to you like that. Maybe it was that fabled invisible string. That unspoken thing that made her want to die and want to kill for you, especially within the first ten minutes of meeting you. 

You were with a group taking refuge in Jackson. In such a small town, rumors were rampant. The group had been in town for less than a day and people were already whispering about whether or not Maria was going to take in such a large number of people on such short notice. 

Personally, Ellie didn’t care. She knew that Jackson had the resources to support new people and she knew that Maria would make the right decision. She was a good leader; she would sense if the group were good enough people to stay or not. She wouldn’t knowingly let in any dangers. 

But then, Ellie started to care very suddenly, very much - when she met you. 

When she saw you, the very first thing she noticed was your smile. She didn’t think she had ever seen someone smile with such intense, genuine joy. It was something that instantly twisted her gut into knots - filled her with those cartoonish butterflies as she took in the sight of you. 

You were standing along the edge of one of the fences, near a small, green pasture for the animals in town. It was a small wooden fence that came up to your hips, around an area that was sectioned off to keep the baby cows in so they could graze. You were leaning on the wooden panels, admiring those little cows with awe, a smile on your face a mile wide as you watched the animals stumble around happily in the field. It was a beautiful spring day, with a light breeze kissing against your skin, and plenty of bright green grass for the cows to snack on. It made the sun seem so much brighter with your smile under it.

Ellie couldn’t help but find herself drawn to you. 

She was supposed to be on her way to return her rifle to the gun shed after patrol. But instead, her feet carried her to you, almost entirely against her will. And soon she found herself standing barely a foot away from you, leaning on that same fence with one hand and staring at you with a big idiotic smile of her own. 

You gave a small jolt when you finally took your eyes off the cows and noticed her staring. Ellie panged with guilt. She hadn’t realized how unintentionally creepy she was being. She didn’t know that it was a programmed response on your part - an ingrained jumpiness that you couldn’t help. 

She swallowed around the dryness in her throat, struggling for words, and she was thankful when you spoke first. 

“You guys have everything here.” You said, bright and excited as you put your eyes back on the grazing pasture. “It’s the first time I’ve seen baby cows before.” 

“We - uh - we also have sheep.” Ellie tripped over herself to say this, shouldering the strap of her rifle to point beyond to a spot where the sheep’s pasture could not be seen. “And there’s greenhouses, and horses. My horse is named Shimmer. You can come and meet her if you want!” 

Ellie almost felt stupid, rushing to say all of this, rushing to impress you. If you liked Jackon’s plentiful resources, then perhaps if she pressed just how fantastic and resource filled the place was, you would want to stay. 

She found herself wanting you to stay. Very badly. 

You bit your lip, slightly shy, and let out a nervous giggle. You didn’t want to turn her down. But years of warnings in a closed off echo chamber had made you weary of strangers. Even seemingly kind ones. 

“That would be nice.” You told her quietly. “Maybe later.” 

Ellie thought she was coming on too strong. She kicked herself internally because of it. 

She had no idea that you were hesitant to be friendly - hesitant to get too close because of the ‘consequences’ you had seen in the past. In your eyes, Ellie seemed like a lovely, friendly person, but you didn’t want to get hurt for trying to make friends. Even if you felt a spark of attraction towards her, you could never pursue it. You didn’t have the room to do so. 

Ellie simply nodded at you, the pain of rejection curling in her gut as she began to walk off. But she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard it. 

Yelling - a brute voice disrupting your peace. 

When Ellie turned around, there was a man. Someone who would have been otherwise average in his looks, if not for the violence he wore so boldly, obviously uncaring of who saw him. His face was tight with anger as he crowded into your personal space, grabbing a hold of your wrist and screaming at you relentlessly as though you had greatly offended him. 

She wondered how someone like you - someone so sweet, who took wonder in baby cows, could ever do something to warrant such a visceral reaction of anger from someone. 

Ellie gripped her rifle tightly. 

A voice in her mind told her that it was none of her business, but another quickly argued back and said that you didn’t deserve to be treated like this. It said that she should step in. She felt frozen as the two sides warred inside her. For a few moments, she simply watched on, taking in the one-sided conflict between you and this man with horror swimming inside of her. 

Your reaction was the worst part. 

Your face immediately shifted from that excitement, awe, and wonder that the baby cows gave you and contorted into pure pain. Tears welled up in your eyes and pure fear overtook your entire body. Your spine coiled up, as if to protect your internal organs, but you made no real moves to get away from this man. 

He spouted at you about ‘wandering off’ and ‘what have I told you before’, ranting on and on as if you had made some horrible mistake by taking time out of your day to admire a grazing pasture full of animals. Ellie was just about to unlock her knees and charge over there to do something about it when a vial, angry eye caught hers over your shoulder. 

“The fuck you lookin’ at?” He barked at Ellie. 

Those simple words were all it took to trigger something in Ellie. 

At a moment’s notice, all of her logic flew out the window, and she found herself consumed by the impulse of her rage instead. She shed off the strap of her rifle, leaving the heavy object on the ground behind her in case it might impede her as she barreled toward the man like a raging bull. 

“Why don’t you tell me, asshole?!” Ellie fired back, entirely nonsensical. 

But both of them, ill-tempered, were beyond talking at that point. 

He stepped around you and went to open his mouth again and Ellie took a swing. She easily made contact with his jaw, but he absorbed it well. Her knuckles stung as she pulled back and landed another hit on his cheek, most definitely leaving a nasty bruise. 

Ellie was caught off guard when a large fist collided with her face. 

She would never be the type to say that men shouldn’t hit women simply on principle. Especially not in this case, because she had swung first. 

She was shocked simply because of the sheer force behind the hit. It wasn’t just to get her off of him - it was vengeful. 

Though her skull was rattled, when he moved his hand up again, Ellie caught his wrist and hit him again. Still feeling that blinding rage, she took him to the ground. His nose felt like mush under her knuckles and she wouldn’t have stopped - if not for someone forcefully pulling her off of him. 

She wanted to yell when she found out that someone was Tommy. But he quickly dampened any of her protests. 

Tommy then gave her a long lecture about ‘first impressions’ and handling her temper during ‘misunderstandings’. He told her that being a part of their family meant that even unintentionally, she represented Jackson as a whole. Regrettably, Ellie felt guilt curling in her stomach because of his words. Even if the guy had it coming, she hated Joel or Tommy looking down on her with disappointment. 

And some time during that long, droning speech, you and that man slipped away. Ellie had a very bad feeling in her gut because of it. 

She had a feeling that he was nothing but a cause of pain for you. 

But of course, she had no outright proof of that. Aside from your tears. But you weren’t even there to tell Tommy your story. And what story was that? That you had been yelled at? How the hell did that substantiate Ellie beating a man up? 

She had nothing more to go on than a gut feeling. 

So rather than telling Tommy about any of the things she suspected, she accepted everything she had said, she apologized for losing her cool, and then (after he gave her a hug, patted her on the head and said ‘it’s okay, kiddo’) - she turned and walked away. 

When she returned her rifle to the gunshed, Jesse asked if something had happened on patrol to cause the bruises on her face and make her expression so sickly, and she quickly shrugged him off. 

Ellie felt intensely guilty for not doing something more. She felt bad for not simply asking you what was wrong, for not handling the situation like a real human being. She had no clue why she couldn’t simply be calm when she saw you so upset like that. 

She didn’t even really know you. She just had a feeling that you were too good to be treated like that. Something deep in her gut was screaming that you did nothing to deserve it. 

The group you came in with split up. Some of them made their way down to the coast with the intention of fishing, perhaps finding and fixing up an old boat, and some of them stayed. 

Ellie took notice when you and the man who had yelled at you stayed. 

She also took notice of the fact that whenever she saw you around town, that man was never very far from you. And whenever he lingered around you, you were much different from the girl she had met that day near the pasture. You were slumped down, never rising to your full posture, constantly tense, and incredibly quiet. You never spoke a single word to anyone other than that awful man. You never even made eye contact with other people. 

Ellie spent weeks watching you from afar, attempting to see if you were okay, looking for some ‘evidence’ that you weren’t. Some hard proof that she could bring to Tommy and Maria, something to show that she wasn’t insane for attacking that man. And it wasn’t until the spring rolled into summer, and Ellie’s bruises from the incident had faded, that she found time to speak to you again. 

There was a time when Ellie caught you without your ugly shadow - when you were by the coops, feeding the chickens, imitating their clucking and laughing to yourself. 

“I think you’ve got a career as a chicken caller.” Ellie chuckled as she walked toward you. 

You smiled when you looked up and saw her. 

“Maybe.” You shrugged. “I just like them because if they say mean things to me, I don’t have to know.” 

Ellie felt a lump rise up in her throat at the pain behind your words. 

It left an awkward, painful silence for a moment before you spoke up again. 

“Look, I’m sorry about before.” You told her. “If you thought you had to defend me, or…” You continued staring at the grainy feed on the ground, pointedly not looking at Ellie. “I piss him off. Often. He was just having a bad day, and I-” 

“That’s no excuse for him to yell at you like that.” Ellie cut you off. She rushed to get the words out, desperate for you to know this at the truth. “He’s got a temper, doesn’t he?” 

“So do you.” You chuckled. It wasn’t genuine laughter. 

There was a twinge of fear in your voice. It made her nauseous. She never wanted you to fear her the same way that you clearly feared that horrible man. 

“I’m sorry.” Ellie said quietly, intense guilt overtaking her. “I do genuinely apologize if I scared you. I just… I couldn’t stand to see you crying like that.” 

“I totally get it.” You snorted, painful humor lingering in your voice. “It’s so annoying. But… sometimes I can’t help it.” Though you kept your voice steady, these simple words spoke volumes of pain. 

Ellie wanted to ask why. She wanted to ask if there were more days when he pushed you to tears. 

“I’m sorry that I’m such a crybaby.” You told her. You tried to laugh this off, as though it was just a funny trait of your personality, and not a fault of pain being inflicted onto you. 

Ellie shook her head vigorously. 

“No.” She quickly corrected you. “That’s not what I meant.” 

Confusion knitted over your features. Ellie fought hard to find the words to explain it. 

“I was angry because he made you cry.” She explained. “I was pissed off because he upset you, and - and, I know it’s stupid. I don’t even know you. But you don’t deserve that.” 

Hearing those words for the first time was a truth so radical it almost tore the ground from underneath your feet. After years of being told that you weren’t worth the trouble - that the food you consumed was a burden, that the bullets used to protect you were a waste - being told for the first time that you didn’t deserve such treatment… you felt like the words didn’t belong in your ears. 

“What?” You looked at her with pure shock overtaking your expression, a most genuine and raw reaction. “You really care that much about me being upset?” 

This gripped Ellie’s insides worse than anything else. You could barely conceptualize someone caring about your feelings this genuinely. 

“Yeah.” She admitted quietly. “I do care.” 

This left your face tight with contemplation, intense thought. Ellie didn’t want to leave room for you to get too caught up in it, for you to overanalyze her genuine gesture. So she came up with something else. 

“So… did you still wanna meet my horse? Maybe we could take her out for a ride?” Ellie posed. 

You seemed hesitant. But eventually, you decided ‘fuck it’ - you might as well have some fun. Especially if it meant spending some time with someone who actually seemed to care about you. 

Ellie took you to the stables and introduced you to Shimmer, and officially introduced you to herself, as you did in return - which seemed odd after all that had happened. But it was nice to finally have a name to go with your pretty face. It was nice to finally hear your laughter as Ellie made an age old joke about hay and horses. 

After you took a while to pet the horse and get acquainted with her, Ellie got permission to go past the gate. She took you on a slow trot on the outskirts of Jackson. She had butterflies curling in her stomach the whole time as you gripped her waist, sitting on the back of the horse, and you smiled brightly and complemented how peaceful everything was. 

When the two of you got back from the ride, you kissed Ellie on the cheek, and she nearly squealed with happiness. 

And then, she didn’t see you for nearly a week afterwards. 

She thought she had done something wrong, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with that awful man who barely let you out of his sight. 

The next time she did see you, you were walking along closely behind that wicked man, your eyes low to the ground. And when she called out your name, you didn’t look up to greet her. 

The sweet summer turned into fall and Ellie felt the guilt gnawing at her more, especially when she noticed the days or even weeks when you didn’t seem to come outside. Days when you didn’t show up to do your chores and were supposedly sick, days when nobody else seemed to care why you were missing. 

There was that voice in her head. ‘She’s just a girl.’ The voice said. ‘It’s just a crush. It’s none of your business. You should just move on.’ 

Ellie couldn’t bring herself to listen to that voice. For some reason, she felt this thing gnawing deep in her gut - something that said you needed her. 

Against her better judgment, Ellie went to the house she knew you were staying at, and knocked on the door. 

She wasn’t surprised when you answered. You peeked through the door with only half your face showing, utterly terrified. 

“What are you doing here?” You barked.

Ellie had a feeling that your anger was a formation of fear, and it wasn’t entirely directed at her. 

“I was worried about you.” Ellie admitted shyly. 

You opened the door further, hesitantly, and then pulled Ellie inside before you shut the door and closed all the locks. Ellie felt her stomach twist when she noticed you looking through the curtains, as though you were afraid for your life, looking out for danger. 

Ellie had a distinct feeling that she knew what that danger was. 

A giant lump formed in Ellie’s throat when you turned around and she saw it - that black eye, swollen and bruised, glaring at her. It was the part of your face you had been blocking with the other half of the door. There were other things she couldn’t see. Scrapes and bruises and hand shapes swats over your arms and torso, covered by your purposefully baggy sweatshirt with long sleeves. 

“Just stop.” You said, turning to Ellie, your voice quaking with the intensity of your emotions. “Stop worrying about me.” 

Ellie’s jaw tensed. She would find that intensely difficult - practically impossible. 

“No.” She easily told you so. “I care about y-” 

“Stop.” You said, a harsh cry in your throat. 

It was too painful for you to consider. The idea that someone sweeter and nicer existed in the world and cared for you. The idea that the way of life you had known for years wasn’t the only way to survive. 

“Look, I like you.” You added on. “You’re really sweet. But you don’t want me. I’m sure you can find someone else-” 

Ellie stepped forward, her fingers brushing so gently over your cheek, right underneath the swelling of that awful black eye. You were so entirely startled by the pure gentleness of the touch that you let out a choked off sound from the back of your throat, almost a sob. 

“He did this to you?” Ellie asked, her voice deadly calm and quiet. 

You refused to answer. 

“Is he your fucking boyfriend?” She prodded, her voice even sharper and more offended now. 

You scoffed, pulling away from her touch. You thought she was jealous of the idea of you having a romantic partner. But in fact, she was deeply offended at the universe, she was in turmoil at the idea that someone would even consider hurting you when they claimed to love you. 

“My brother.” You told her, the word almost sounding like poison on your tongue. “I would never choose someone like him. But I’ve been stuck with him for as long as I can remember.” 

“Oh.” Ellie said quietly. 

It was not a possibility she had considered. But she knew that there had never been any romantic connotations to the interactions between the two of you. Only danger, intimidation, and pain. 

It was almost a worse fate, in a sense. The idea that you had been saddled with him because of genetics, that you couldn’t escape him because of obligation, or being forced to survive together.  

“Yeah, oh.” You repeated, tears clutching the inside of your throat. “And really, it’s none of your business. He’s always taken care of me. He takes care of me, so-” 

“This is not taking care of you.” Ellie argued sharply, gesturing to the mark on your face. “If you need someone to take care of you, I’m right here.” 

You rolled your eyes at this. Again, you thought it was jealousy. That it was her trying to make herself seem appealing as a romantic partner. 

You didn’t know that she was serious, that she would give you the world on a silver platter if given the chance. 

“And I sure as hell won’t hit you.” Ellie added on. 

“That’s easy for you to say.” You scoffed. 

“That’s easy for me to do.” She fired back. “Not beating the people you love is the bare fucking minimum. In case no one ever told you that.” 

Her last words were intensely sharp, but struck a chord deep inside of you. It caused your stomach to churn with harsh realization, something you probably already knew that was brought to the surface and waved in your face:

This was not a life that everyone lived. 

“I can’t do this right now.” You huffed quietly, shaking your head. 

You were still swimming deep in denial, hating the idea that your life was founded entirely on pain. But Ellie would fight through all of that pain to get to you. 

“Come on, how long is it gonna be before he kills you?” She asked, the words quiet but devastatingly striking. 

You remained painfully silent. 

“What kind of life is this for you?” She spoke up when you did not reply. “There’s so much more out there for you that doesn’t involve your asshole brother.” 

“Look, you know nothing about him.” You said sharply. “You don’t know what kind of life he’s had. You don’t know what he’s been through. What we’ve been through. Some of the things he’s saved me from.” 

Ellie could only imagine what was going through your mind. Obviously, she had seen some of the darker things the world was capable of. She knew that if your brother had saved you from some of those horrors, it made him look like a saint by comparison. 

She wanted to scream that you didn’t have to go through this. Life didn’t have to be like this. Absorbing his hits and being a target for his anger wasn’t necessary for your survival. 

“Usually it’s my fault anyway.” You sighed. “I meant what I said before. I have some weird talent for pissing him off.” 

Ellie was downright insulted at this. 

“It is not your fault.” She rushed to say, her throat straining with the intense passion behind the words. 

You found it difficult to believe her. 

Any reply you could have mustered was drowned out by the sound of heavy boots coming up the porch. 

“Get out.” You barked at Ellie, panicked. “Get out, you have to leave.” 

You shoved Ellie out the back door before she could argue, and the sound of more screaming and an ugly collision of a hand on flesh made Ellie clench her fists to avoid charging back inside. She had to tell herself one simple thing - she wouldn’t be able to explain a murder to Maria or Tommy. 

She wouldn’t have to. 

And there was maybe only one other person in town who would understand. 

She went right from your place to Joel’s, and he seemed too pleased about her being there in order for him to really question it. He seemed even more pleased when she asked for his help. 

When Ellie explained the situation, she was surprised that Joel didn’t want to take it to Maria. But they both knew that she was diplomatic. She had an entire town to think of. She couldn’t be chasing down people’s personal problems, and she couldn’t be known for doling out vigilante justice. She had to make people in Jackson feel safe, and she didn’t think that civilian trials and public executions would be the way to do that. And as far as Ellie knew, nobody in Jackson had ever acted up like this before. Maybe they were just good at keeping it a secret. (That thought scared her more than anything.) 

Joel suggested something about a quiet smothering and a shovel. Nobody would ever find the guy’s body, he reasoned. 

Ellie didn’t want it that way. Even if the guy was a piece of shit, he was your only family. She knew that in some fucked up way, you would miss him. 

No - it needed to be his choice. And he wasn’t going to make the right choice on his own. So they had to guide him to it. Well, they had to force him to it and shove his face in the damn right choice. 

And then, if he didn’t make the right choice - then they would go to Joel’s version, a Plan B, and they would get the shovel. 

Her and Joel talked it over for hours, making a solid Plan A. When they were both finally satisfied, Ellie left out the back door to head to her place to finally crash for the night - when had it gotten dark out? 

She paused in her tracks when she saw you standing at the bottom of the few stairs that led up to the porch. 

You had a large sweatshirt hood pulled up over your head, and in the minimal light from the back door’s bulb, Ellie could see that your eyes were entirely startled. Your cheek was sporting a fresh, wicked bruise that hadn’t been there before. Your lip was busted, and you had the neck of the sweater pulled up, half hiding some marks on your neck. 

Clearly your brother had come home furious about something. Perhaps he had seen Ellie leaving. She partially felt guilty about it, and definitely felt more secure in her plan. 

“I - uh - I ran into Dina, and she said I could find you here.” You said, motioning off to where you must have spoken to Dina, muttering nervously because Ellie had been standing there for a few moments staring you down with sadness in her eyes and had not spoken. “I was gonna knock. But… I…” 

‘I got nervous.’ The words were lost on your tongue. You knew it sounded strange. Being afraid to knock. Being afraid to ask for help. 

Ellie walked down the steps to meet you on the ground, and you didn’t move away when she reached up and brushed a gentle thumb across your lip - not quite touching the area when it had been split open, but clearly scorning it in her mind. 

She wanted to suggest something about running away, but she knew Joel would just come after her. The easier solution would simply be to get rid of the awful man who had done this to you. 

You grabbed her wrist and leaned into her hand. She cupped your cheek then, holding you so tenderly that it almost hurt. Your body was so unfamiliar with sweetness, with comfort. 

“I can’t do this.” You sobbed quietly. “Ellie, I can’t do this.” 

You weren’t feeling brave enough to leave the familiar, the thing that bound you in pain and torment. 

“Yes, you can.” Ellie told you firmly. 

She gently tilted your head up, forcing your gaze toward hers. 

“Ask me.” She told you. 

You both knew what it meant. 

‘Ask me for my help.’ 

‘Ask me to get rid of that monster, and I will.’ 

You let it bubble inside of you. The words swelled up inside of your throat, and a wicked sob escaped, causing hot tears to leak down and touch Ellie’s hand before you got it out. 

“Help me.” You croaked. “Please.” 

“I will.” Ellie told you firmly. “I’ll get rid of him.” 

She leaned in then and planted a kiss on your forehead, something sweet enough to render another sob from your throat. When she moved to pull away, you reached around and grabbed the back of her shirt, clutching on tight to keep her there, pulling her into a hug and holding her to savor the precious temporary moment you were able to be away from your tormentor. 

“Ellie?” You said her name, and she hummed a response, still leaning with her lips gently pressed against your forehead. “I know - I know it’s so stupid. But… I don’t want him dead.” You told her. Ellie had predicted as much. “I just… I want him gone.” 

“It’s not stupid.” Ellie assured you. “I understand.” 

By the time Ellie got everything together, the cold was just setting in. 

The first snowfall had just hit Jackson, and she had made sure to keep a close eye on you in the interim. You told her over and over again that you were going to be fine. 

A few times you even went back on your ask, you told her that you and your brother were getting along much better. Ellie’s gut churned on the days when you smiled and told her that things between you and your brother were getting much better, that he was making an effort to control his temper, that you could see him making ‘big changes’. 

On for another fresh wound to show up on you and when she would ask you about it, you broke down crying and declared that it was all your stupid fault. 

Ellie knew that he was never going to change. And it only made her more firm in her convictions to carry through with the plan that she and Joel had carefully laid out. 

Gathering the supplies needed for her plan wasn’t as hard as she originally thought. 

The pharmacy in Jackson was surprisingly easy to steal from. She found a pharmaceutical journal in the library; finding out which drugs could knock out a grown man and memorizing the names of them - not that hard. 

And then Ellie took an easy fall during one of her patrols, wincing and whining about the pain in her twisted wrist far more than she felt it, getting the nurse to unlock the drug cabinet to give her some tylenol with codeine. Then she ‘accidentally’ knocked over a tray with a bunch of stray pieces on it, and she got what she needed out of the unlocked cupboard like clockwork. 

She wasn’t sure if the people in Jackson were naive, or if she was far too used to being a criminal. 

Her wrist had healed up nicely by the time everything else was ready.  

Joel thought it would be wisest that they use his basement. 

He explained to Ellie that they could use an old military technique - shut out all the light, take away anything potentially familiar about the room, make it naked and bare and anonymous so that it would seem like a random place that could be anywhere. 

It would be right in town, but the prospect of seeming so far off, so ‘in the middle of nowhere’ - it would be a good part of the scare tactic. They spent some time cleaning out the basement, putting garbage bags over the windows, and draping the room in plastic tarping - partially to scare him, and partially, just in case. 

Joel got a bottle of cheap whiskey that he watered down some, and Ellie poured out the bottle of pills onto the counter with the intention to crush them all up and mix them with the alcohol. 

“Christ Ellie, that’s enough to take down a goddamn horse.” Joel commented. 

Clearly, it was too many pills. 

Ellie took a handful of them - half, and put them back in the original bottle. When she looked up at Joel again, he shook his head. Still too many? 

“Here, let me.” He said, gently shouldering her out of the way so he could make the mixture himself. 

“You act like you’ve done this before.” She commented. 

“You act surprised that I’ve done this before.” He replied. 

He did have a point. Especially considering that when Joel had met Ellie, he had likely been expecting her to be a large bag of drugs, and not a child who needed to be smuggled. 

Joel put back a much bigger portion of the pills, only leaving four tablets that he began to crush up to be mixed in with the drink. 

“The alcohol is gonna magnify the effects of this stuff. A lot.” Joel explained, emphasizing the last words. “You kept saying you didn’t wanna kill him. So you don’t need to give him an overdose.” 

Ellie nodded. It was a good point. She felt lucky to have his help with this. 

Joel scraped the crushed up tablets - now a powder - into the bottle, and put his thumb over the opening to seal it while he shook it up, making sure it was well dissolved before he put the cap back on. 

“Remember. Pour one for yourself, but don’t fucking drink from it.” Joel reminded her. 

It was a mental tactic. Pour two glasses, so as to not seem suspicious, but don’t take a sip. 

Joel handed her the bottle, and they walked over to your place. 

Ellie made sure that Dina was keeping you busy with spare chores, things she supposedly couldn’t do without your help, ensuring that you would be out of the house for the night and wouldn’t miss your brother gone. Ellie went around to the front door and Joel went to the back, waiting for her signal. 

She knocked on the front door and when your brother answered, she waved the bottle. She apologized for the two of them having gotten off ‘on the wrong foot’ when he first came into town. She claimed that she wanted to set things right with him. 

He looked her up and down with suspicion, but opened the door. He fetched a couple of glasses and Ellie did as Joel instructed - poured one for herself after she poured one for him, took it in her hand, but didn’t sip from it. 

He eagerly knocked the first drink back and Ellie hated the fact that he didn’t pass out right away. He poured himself a second and she forced herself to make an attempt at conversation. 

She asked about one of the pictures he had on the mantle over the fireplace - a framed photo of him and some woman. He grunted, saying that it was ‘his bitch’ but ‘she was dead now’. The way he spoke about women made Ellie want to hurl. This caused the conversation to lull into him asking if Ellie had a boyfriend. 

She shrugged it off. Especially seeing as he didn’t seem like the most accepting type if she told him why she didn’t have one. Then he looked her up and down as though he was inspecting her. As though just because she didn’t have a man in her life, that made her an available prospect for him. Ellie clutched her glass so hard she thought it cracked. 

He took more gulps of his drink, and then he mentioned you. He said that he had seen Ellie talking to you. 

He wasn’t clever about his intentions. He wanted to know why someone who was clearly friendly toward his sister wanted to be on his good side all of a sudden. 

Before she could make up some lie, the drugs kicked in. He became hazy, and made a slurred thought about his liquor tolerance being higher normally before he dropped to the floor, out cold. 

Ellie knocked on the back door for Joel, and they had his unconscious body halfway down the basement stairs when Tommy’s voice came into the house, shouting for Joel. They both gave each other that ‘oh shit’ look and Joel dropped the man’s head like a sack of potatoes. He rushed up the stairs to talk to Tommy before his brother could come to them. 

Ellie dragged the dead weight the rest of the way, and she listened as the voices carried through the house. Joel was getting called out for an emergency patrol route - a large horde of Infected had been spotted near the west watch tower. 

Tommy asked for Ellie too, but Joel lied and said that he hadn’t seen her. 

As Joel was gathering his things to leave, he went to the top of the basement stairs. He gave Ellie one last firm, knowing look. It was an out. She knew that if she wanted to, he would stay back and help her clean up the mess, and they would find some other way to go about things so she wouldn’t have to go it alone. 

But she was firm in her convictions. 

“I’ve got this.” She told him, giving him a nod. 

He nodded back and then closed the basement door. 

She picked a steady beam in the ceiling. 

She dangled off it with her body weight to make sure it wouldn’t budge (even though your asshole brother was probably a good hundred pounds heavier than her). And then she put him in the noose Joel had tied, with the rope tied precariously around the beam. 

She had more than enough slack on it to make sure that he wouldn’t choke while still unconscious from the drugs. As tempting as it was to simply kill the man who had been abusing you for years, this was about scaring him. This was a warning. An attempt to get him to make the right choice. His hands were tied behind his back, making him unable to get away. 

As he came around to consciousness, he began to groan and squirm, and Ellie wasted no time in putting her plan into action. 

She went to where she had the other end of the rope tied, fashioned to some hook that might have been used to hang up tools or something else at one point, and she untied it and hoisted him up. He choked furiously as his breath was cut off by the noose, and Ellie made sure he was far enough off the ground before she grabbed something else important - the stool. 

When preparing, Joel had intentionally cut off two of the legs, making it wobbling and unsteady. She put it underneath him and guided his legs to it, and then he took a wheezing breath as the pressure was released from his neck while his feet wobbled on it unsteadily. 

“What the fuck?” He barked out, obviously trying to sound intimidating when he was so breathless. “What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re fucking insane!” 

Ellie took a step back, looking up at him with a neutral expression. He was entirely powerless. He couldn’t swing and hit her, he couldn’t run. If he jumped, he would hang himself. He was completely at her mercy, and he had to listen to what she had to say. 

In regards to the question, she shrugged. 

“Maybe.” She said simply. “I just wanna talk.” 

“Oh, you wanna talk?!” He growled out the words in anger, still trying to sound lager and more powerful than he was. 

And then, all too predictably, he swung out his leg in an attempt to kick her. 

Ellie easily dodged it, and the motion made him unsteady on the stool. Both his legs fell off, and she simply watched as he struggled, hanging freely by the noose for a few moments. He sputtered and choked, kicking around frantically to get his feet back on the stool. It was a wonder that he didn’t knock it over. 

Eventually, he did get back up to stand on it before he passed out. He continued to choke on the air, veins bulging in his face from the effort. All while Ellie stood back, arms crossed, staring at him condescendingly. 

“That was stupid.” She commented quietly. 

“Fuck you!” He choked out. 

“Look, the way I see it, you have two choices. Maybe three.” Ellie explained. 

He glared at her with absolute poison in his eyes, but remained silent and still, other than the tremors in his legs as he struggled to balance on the stool. 

“Option one: you continue being a petty bitch, so I leave you here.” She told him simply. “You can test your endurance for a few hours, maybe even a few days. But no one will find you, if they come looking at all. And eventually, your legs will give out from exhaustion and you’ll hang.” 

“Y/N will come for me.” He replied confidently. The devilish smirk that spread across his face gave Ellie the urge to smack him. 

“No.” Ellie argued, just as quick, just as confident. “You really think Y/N is gonna be able to find you?” 

This was the mind game Joel had talked about. He was right in Jackson, right under your nose. Would he shout for help, or would he believe that he was out in the middle of nowhere, stranded somewhere that you would never be able to find him? 

His silence was all too telling. Ellie resisted the urge to smile, knowing how important a firm, intimidating face was in this situation. 

“Option two,” She continued on, taking his silence as a sure sign that he didn’t like option one. “You can listen to what I have to say, and you can get agreeable about it real fast.” 

“What’s option three?” He asked. 

Of course, he didn’t like option two either. He didn’t like being agreeable. 

But Ellie had a feeling that in a few minutes, option two would be the one that he’d beg for. 

“You say something I don’t like,” She got her switchblade out of her back pocket, and clicked the switch to show off the sharp, shiny blade. “And then I kill you.” 

There was a pointed moment of silence as he looked between the sharp point of her knife and her unforgiving, deadly calm expression. For a moment, his enraged face wavered, and then came fear. It was just a flicker, but Ellie saw it as weakness. And she was going to exploit it. 

“What the fuck do you want?” He barked. 

“It’s very simple.” Ellie explained. “Leave Y/N the fuck alone. Get your shit, leave town, and get as far away from her as possible.” 

“That’s my sister.” He argued. “That’s my blood. You can’t just expect me to abandon the only family I have, I-” 

“If you respected her as your family, you wouldn’t fucking beat her.” Ellie cut him off, the words turning to poison on her tongue. 

He looked intensely caught in that moment, his expression becoming ghostly. As if he somehow hadn’t figured out that this whole thing was about his abusive ways. 

“What? You don’t like me ‘cause I protect her? ‘Cause I look out for her?” He immediately switched, swelling into that self righteous, taunting person he was with you. “You wanna fuck her, don’t you? You fucking self righteous rug muncher, think you know what’s better for my own sister than I do! What the hell is wrong with you? You-” 

As he ranted, Ellie stepped forward and hesitantly grabbed the waistband of his pants. Clearly, the message wasn’t getting through to him. 

And though it was something more disgusting to her than blood, guts, viscera, even the smell of an old moldy building - Ellie yanked down his pants in one swift movement, trying to ignore the sight of it in front of her. She placed her switchblade right at the spot where his dick met his inner thigh, simply resting it there. 

The feeling of the cold metal in such a sensitive spot easily shut him up. His stomach clenched as he held his breath, likely waiting for Ellie to cut him. 

With him on the stool, it was hovering at around eye level, and she tried her hardest not to look directly at it. For you, it was worth it. That’s what she told herself. 

“Listen carefully,” Ellie told him, her voice still low, still deadly calm. “You are going to agree to my terms, or they’re going to find your body missing this.” She threatened him, gently nudging the blade upwards, not yet cutting into flesh. 

He gasped, shock and horror crashing through his system. He continued to struggle with balancing on the stool, struggling not to lean into the knife by accident and maim himself by mistake. 

He looked at Ellie with terror in his eyes, but oddly enough, he didn’t say anything. Ellie considered it progress. 

“I’m going to be very generous,” She said lowly, making it sound like a threat. “You have twenty four hours to get your shit, and get the hell out of Jackson. I don’t give a fuck what you tell Y/N. In fact, you don’t have to tell her anything at all. Just disappear. I don’t care where you go. Just get the fuck away from here. The farther, the better.” 

Ellie paused, letting her words hang in the air for a moment. 

“If you’re still in town by sundown tomorrow, I will kill you.” She said. “If you tell Y/N about this little incident, I will kill you. If I see Y/N later and she has a single scratch on her-” 

“You’ll kill me.” He quickly finished off the sentence as he thought she would say it. 

Ellie shook her head, putting on a wicked grin of her own for the first time during the conversation. 

“No.” She said, a chuckle peeking through her voice. “I’ll make it slow. I’ll make you beg for death. I’ll make you wish that you had taken this very fucking generous first offer.”

There was another silence, filled only by the wobbling legs of the stool rocking against the ground, and the man’s anxious breaths. 

Ellie wondered if he was stupid enough to decline her generosity. 

“Okay.” He finally agreed. 

Ellie hoped that she wouldn’t have to follow through on her threats, but she wouldn’t hesitate to. 

She took her knife away from his crotch, leaving a small nick on his inner thigh that would hopefully serve as a good enough reminder of what he was supposed to do. 

Of course, the temptation to hurt him more brutally was there. She knew that if Joel came home and she was covered in blood - he would help her clean up. He would help her hide the body. But Ellie knew that this was about something bigger than herself, her own rage, her own guilt. 

It was about keeping your conscience clean. 

She knew that if you ever found out that she had killed your brother, no matter the reason, no matter the situation - the guilt would fall back onto you. You would spend the rest of your days wondering how you could have done things differently to solve a problem that was never your fault. So she would take the burden of guilt or fault off of you, and force it onto him - where it belonged. He would get to live, but he would never go near you. Not ever again. 

After thinking about all of this for a moment, and calming herself, Ellie unceremoniously cut him down, letting him fall into the middle of the floor with a grunt. She pulled his pants back up and shoved a bag over his head. The bag something else that Joel had woven into the plan - another scare tactic. 

She kept his arms bound behind him as she struggled to lug him all the way across town without getting caught. He struggled against her hold and spoke up every now and then, demanding to be released, but Ellie simply kicked him and told him to shut up. It worked well. It seemed that he was truly afraid of her, because he was much more docile now than the man who had risked hanging himself to kick her in the head. 

She dumped him on the back porch of your house and cut the ties on his wrist. He could feel stupid later for the fact that he had been in town the whole time, not secluded off in the woods someplace you would never find him. He yanked the bag off his head and looked up at Ellie with pure scorn in his eyes, and she held up her knife once more, reminding him just how sharp it was as she left him with some parting words. 

“Sundown. Tomorrow.” She told him firmly. “Or Y/N won’t even find the pieces of you scattered out in those woods.” 

Ellie was surprised when he didn’t say a single word, didn’t even hurl any insults at her back as she walked away. 

She had no idea that he was happy to cut his losses, thinking that you weren’t worth the trouble if Ellie was willing to kidnap, threaten, and eventually kill for you. 

Ellie went to bed early and hoped that everything had worked. 

She woke up from a deep, hazy sleep to pounding on her door. 

She struggled to get out of bed, thinking there was some kind of emergency. She flicked on a light and opened the door, and you came rushing inside. 

Ellie almost didn’t see you through her sleep dulled eyes, her lids still half-closed, but she recognized your voice as she closed the door behind you. 

“My brother is gone.” You said, your voice edging between worry and fear. Ellie thought you might be relieved. She didn’t know that you were still tentative - scared that he might come back, terrified it was a trick. “It’s just - he just packed up all his things, and when I woke up, he was gone. And he left me this note.” 

You thrust a piece of paper into Ellie’s hands, and she blinked her sticky eyes open a few times in order to read it. She scanned over the messy writing, barely absorbing it. It was some bullshit about how Jackson ‘wasn’t right for him’ and he felt ‘suffocated’ and he was going to travel to catch up with your group who had gone to the coast, he thought he was a man of the sea, blah blah - but you needed to stay in Jackson, because it would be safer for you. 

“It’s a trick.” You announced as Ellie read over the words. Your voice quaked, your throat tight with fear. When Ellie looked up, tears were dancing in your eyes. There were sharp scratches on your neck - they were scabbing over, and a greenish bruise on your cheek that was fading. “It’s gotta be a trick. He’s testing me. He wants me to - to follow him? Or he’s coming back, or-” 

Ellie tossed the paper aside, uncaring of where it landed, and then stepped toward you, grasping your face with gentle hands. 

“It’s okay.” She said calmly. “He’s gone.” 

She echoed the words you had said that night, letting you know that she had miraculously granted your request. 

If it was true, then you would consider her a guardian angel. But you almost couldn’t bring yourself to believe it. 

“You did something.” You said quietly. It wasn’t accusing. It was a simple truth. You swallowed thickly. You waited before you asked your next question. “Is he dead?” 

You would have hated to think that Ellie would go through so much trouble to frame his murder as him simply leaving town. 

“Would you hate me if he was?” She replied. 

Strangely enough, you had no clue how to feel. 

Ellie saw the warring on your face, the years of pain tethering in your soul, and hoped to release you from it. 

“He’s alive.” She sighed, a heavy awful truth floating from her lips. You looked somewhat relieved, but then that fear pricked into your big, sad eyes once again. “He’s not coming back. I can promise you that.” 

If he did, Ellie would kill him. But she didn’t speak those words to you. 

You lunged forward then, tightening your hands around her back, squeezing her with intense, passionate ferocity as you pressed your face into her shoulder and began to sob. Ellie held you dutifully, trying her hardest to be gentle with you, petting smoothly over your back as her heart ached at the sound of your cries. She had no idea that it was relief - pure relief exhaling from your lungs, the feeling of finally being able to breathe with the presence of that dark tormentor no longer hanging over your life. 

“Thank you.” You sobbed, clutching onto her shirt. “Thank you, Ellie. Thank you.” 

… 

When Joel came back from his patrol, he asked where Ellie had buried the body. She sighed and told him that the guy had made the wise decision to leave town. Completely of his own accord. He shrugged and said he didn’t care either way - he just wanted to meet the ‘lovely young woman who was worth going through all the trouble for’. 

Ellie invited you over for steaks at Joel’s house a few days later, and artfully dodged all the questions about whether you were dating or not. 

… 

A few months later, when winter thawed out and spring had come around once again, Ellie had taken you beyond the walls of Jackson once again, both of you delighting in the purity of everything nature had to offer, and your newfound freedom. 

“Is it just me or is the air out here… fresher?” You posed, inhaling deeply as you threw your head back, truly basking in the nature around you. 

Ellie giggled at this, and you threw a smile back over your shoulder at her. You walked along the path, bobbing between the trees and enjoying the greenery as it thawed out from the snow. 

“It’s the mountains, there’s nothing but fresh air up here.” Ellie chuckled. “As far as I’m concerned, it beats living in the city. That place stunk to high hell. People piled on top of each other, old rotting buildings, no trees anywhere.” 

You let out a small laugh at this. It wasn’t Ellie’s greatest work in comedy, but your lungs felt much lighter these days, and she soaked up the sound like the new saplings soaking up the sun. 

She had also noticed your choice of attire for the day. For her, there was still that small nip in the air, something indicating that there might be one last frost left to the year, something that made her want to wear a sweater. But you had worn a short sleeved tee shirt with your jeans, and Ellie preened at the fact that there was not a single bruise anywhere on your skin. Some old scars that she could never have the hopes of reversing, but more and more lately, your smile outshined all of them. 

“Ooh, look at this!” Ellie came to crouch at a small patch of grass, what you didn’t recognize as thick reeds that were somewhat special to her. 

“What is it?” You asked. 

“Joel taught me this.” She noted, making you even more intrigued. 

Ellie plucked one out of the dirt, and held it between her two palms before she held it up to her two lips and blew - it made a sharp noise like a duck’s call, and you instantly began giggling at this delightfully strange sound. 

“Okay, how did you do that?” You asked, kneeling down beside her. 

Ellie grabbed up another one and put it in your hands, positioning them well. After a nod from her, you put it to your lips and gave a hard breath. You dissolved into laughter once again when it made that strange sound. 

“I love that.” Ellie commented, absolutely beaming herself. 

“What? You play the guitar but your favorite instrument is grass?” You joked. 

“No.” She replied. “I love that smile.” She told you, motioning up toward your face. “That’s why I fell in love with you.” 

“Els.” You murmured quietly, unable to truly explain the wave of emotion that came over you - being intensely thankful for her saving you, changing the course of your life, the swelling of love you felt for her and how it only grew with time. 

Ellie didn’t need words. She leaned in and kissed you then, and you - for the first time in a long time - relaxed into her love and let yourself be happy. 

From time to time, you were tempted to ask what exactly it was that she had done to make your brother go away. But as the months ticked on and your relationship developed - as Ellie helped you navigate your freedom and enjoy the sweeter things in life, you found that you truly didn’t care.

...

A/N: This is a standalone oneshot, so please do not ask about a sequel or a continuation for it, because there won't be one. If you liked it and you want to comment on it, please comment on the body of work that I have written. Or feel free to check out the many other works I have written on my TLOU Masterlist. Thank you!!

[radioapplerevue]

See a lot of questions scattered about regarding "Why do people even ship Lucifer or Alastor? They hate each other/Lucifer's married/Alastor's ace etc etc etc." And while I doubt most people are asking in good faith, I figured I'd give my answer anyway! In part because these two in conjunction with each other fascinate me and I want to talk about it.

First off, you have Alastor, this character whose whole shtick is trying to convince everyone around him all the time that he's the most mysterious and most dangerous person around. And... he's not. We know he's not. Hell, he's not even in tier 3 of "dangerous people in Hell." But it's very important to him that he is perceived that way, and he goes to great lengths to manufacture and maintain that image.

Then you have Lucifer, who is the most dangerous person in Hell, power-wise, by far. But he doesn't seem to give a shit about that at all. His power means little to him, he didn't want the throne, he doesn't do anything with this position that Alastor would do everything to have. Lucifer is a deeply broken individual whose only concern is his family, and he's not intimidated by Alastor in any way, and never will be.

So he was pretty much tailor-made for Alastor to hate. This guy who has everything Alastor wants, but doesn't give a shit about having it, who he can't scare. Ever. The only way he can get under Lucifer's skin is by digging into his emotional sore spots, and boy howdy does Lucifer have a lot of those. And here's the fun thing! Or one of the fun things, anyway. Most people, even in Hell, would never dare to try and upset Lucifer. Upset the King of Hell? That's suicide, right?

But Alastor knows it's not, because he sees two things right off the bat: one, Lucifer wouldn't do anything to hurt Charlie, and hurting Alastor would do that -- and two, it's just not in Lucifer's nature to do so. Surprising for the King of Hell, but nonetheless true. Lucifer's a showy guy, but he's not a violent guy -- even against Adam, he only toyed with him until Adam made the mistake of going directly for Charlie a second time. Needless to say, it takes a lot to make Lucifer get violent, and it's unlikely to be anything that only targets himself.

And thus sets the stage for what is already a really fun and interesting dynamic, and one that can become even more so with time. Because these are two characters who treat each other in a way that nobody else can or will. Alastor can poke and prod and peel back Lucifer's scars and peer directly at his insecurities. Lucifer can give as good as he gets and challenge Alastor and there's nothing Alastor can do to scare him off. In short, they can make each other confront things that right now just aren't likely for other people.

I like to think eventually, once they get over the initial "how dare he, this isn't allowed, I hate everything about this" stage, they begin to actually... enjoy it. Enjoy the back and forth, enjoy hitting the ball to each other's court, enjoy having someone around who won't back down. And Lucifer is, at his core, sweet. How unsettling it must be for Alastor, to see this extremely powerful man who is also just. Good. How over ten millennia of pain haven't changed that, even as they crumbled his heart into little pieces.

I think Lucifer would fascinate Alastor. And I think Alastor, with all his idiosyncrasies, and his ballsy manner of never backing down from a challenge, would fascinate Lucifer too. And there are so, so many ways you could go from there. Darker ways, softer ways. But there's so much potential, and I am finding it an absolute blast to explore.

As for the ace thing, hello, hi! I'm aroace. And on the sex repulsed side, even! I shouldn't have to reveal this in order for people to get off my back, but hey, there you have it. Now please stop expecting people to volunteer their sexual orientations just so you can be sure they have the... what? Right? To ship things? I enjoy this ship in all flavors. A lot of people have been taking the time to explore asexuality in their fanworks with Alastor, and it's been a delight to see! But in the end, fandom is a sandbox, and I don't care how you are smashing your dolls together as long as you're having fun. And if seeing them in a particular configuration is uncomfortable for you, there's nothing wrong with that, either... just back out, and move on to things more pleasant.

And goodness, don't go after real actual people in defense of fictional ones.

[sissyisawitch]

Noctua...

Relationship: Ominis Gaunt & Noctua Gaunt

Summary: For his seventeenth birthday, Ominis receives a very unexpected present… A letter informing him that he has inherited his Aunt Noctua's house, and all the memories that go with it.

Word Count: ~2.5k

Author's Note: This one-shot was really important for me to write, so I really hope you'll like it!💚

Warnings: Remembrance of a lost one

Dear Mister Gaunt,

In the name of the Wizengamot, it is with great regret that I remind you of Noctua Gaunt’s passing.

I am writing to you as the executor of your aunt's will to inform you that, before her passing, she appointed you as the fortunate and only heir to her Gringotts vault, and house in Manor Cape. Now that you are of legal age, these assets rightfully belong to you.

To proceed with the official transfer of the property and funds, I will wait for you in Headmaster’s Black office on Monday morning, so that we can discuss the details and the steps to follow.

Best regards,

Ernest Hawkworth

It was the umpteenth time Ominis was rereading the bloody letter with the help of his wand. He had never expected to receive such a poisoned gift on his seventeenth birthday. "'Fortunate heir'"... What a ridiculous thing to read. Who in the world would be happy to learn that a member of their family had died? Someone cruel surely... Or simply anyone other than him in the Gaunt family. Any income was good news for them, whatever the context.

Ominis sighed dejectedly, and tucked the letter away in the inside pocket of his jacket. It was Monday morning. He had better get to Headmaster Black's office.

Mechanically, his feet carried him towards the Gargoyle Corridor, and led him up the stairs. He barely had time to knock on the wooden door before it flew open.

“Ah! Mr. Gaunt!” An unfamiliar man hurried to shake his hand enthusiastically. “I’m Ernest Hawkworth. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course…” Ominis answered idly. “Mr. Black is not with you?”

“No, no. He simply guided me here and left, claiming he had more important things to do, which I have no doubt he does.” Hawkworth explained with a wide genuine smile that could be heard in his voice.

“Typical Black…” Ominis muttered under his breath unintelligibly.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing.” The Slytherin student quickly replied, before changing the subject. “How did you want to proceed to the transaction, Mr Hawkworth?”

“Well, to start with, I need to show you your aunt's house.” Hawkworth suddenly looked embarrassed. “If you see no objection to… taking m-my arm, I'll apparate us to Manor Cape.”

Ominis knew that this abrupt stuttering had nothing to do with anything other than the fact that he was a Gaunt, a highly reputed family considered to be royalty by the other Purebloods. Hawkworth was probably intimidated by the idea that he was about to touch one of the Slytherin heirs.

Ominis did not bother to reply, restraining himself from rolling his eyes. He simply placed his hand on the man's arm as lightly as possible.

A second and a loud crack later, Ominis found himself in the middle of a radically different scenery.

The first thing he noticed was the melodious trill of birdsong. With each chirp and whistle, he felt a sense of tranquillity wash over him, as if the birds were welcoming him to the only place he had ever called home.

He looked up at the sky, taking a moment to savour the gentle breeze of the countryside brushing against his skin with a soft, comforting touch. It carried with it the faint scent of grass and flowers, a fragrant perfume that filled his senses and invigorated his spirit. Ominis inhaled deeply, taking in the earthy aroma of the land, feeling a deep connection to the natural world around him.

With each step he takes, the man becomes more attuned to the beauty of his surroundings, the sights, sounds, and scents of the countryside enveloping him in a sense of wonder and awe. In this tranquil moment, which awakened all the memories of the moments spent in the house that had enchanted his childhood.

“Well, here we are!” Hawkworth announced eagerly. “There are just a couple of things left to sort out. Don't worry, it won't take much longer.”

“That's all right…” Ominis automatically replied in a dreamy tone.

“First of all, here's the key to your aunt's Gringotts vault... which is now yours. All the arrangements have already been made with the goblins on your behalf.”

“Thank you.” Ominis placed the golden key in his pocket, taking no notice of it.

“And finally, you just need to sign this paper to finalise the inheritance.”

Ominis took the quill that Hawkworth handed him, and signed at the bottom of the parchment. Admittedly, Ominis could not write because of his deficiency (yes, he considered his blindness as such, just like the rest of his family had always done). As a result, he had always used a Quick-Quotes Quill, or asked someone else to write for him. However, once he was older and more mature, Ominis learnt to write his own signature by himself.

“Congratulations, Mr. Gaunt! You are now officially the owner of this delightful residence.” Hawkworth grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. He had found a brand-new sense of confidence, which even allowed him to pat Ominis on the shoulder. “May I take you back to the castle?”

“No, thank you. I'll stay here.” Ominis replied, taking a step back to put an end to this unwelcome contact.

He heard the man in front of him take in a sharp breath, “Very well, then. I won't keep you any longer. It was an honour to meet you, Mr. Gaunt.”

Ominis gently touched the stones of his aunt's house – which he still struggled to accept as now his own. Each stone, cold and ancient under his fingers, seemed to whisper anecdotes of the past, of days filled with laughter and the quiet hum of magic that once filled these rooms.

As he traced the rough texture, the ivy that climbed the walls reached out, tenderly tickling the back of his hand, as if nature itself was trying to comfort him, to bridge the gap between the loss he felt and the legacy he had inherited. It was a small, almost imperceptible connection, but in that moment, Ominis felt a little less alone, surrounded by the lingering presence of his aunt and the life she had cultivated in this magical place.

Hesitant to enter his childhood refuge, Ominis chose instead to wander towards the garden, finding solace in the idea of being closer to nature before confronting the memories housed within those stone walls. On his way, he caught a few wild branches in the face and heard twigs cracking under his feet, a testament to the many years spent without Noctua's care for her plants.

Despite the pitfalls, Ominis continued peacefully towards the lake. The smell of humidity and the soft murmur of the water's gentle eddies... seemed to call out to him, to urge him closer.

With a deep breath, he sat at the water's edge, slipping off his shoes and socks to touch the water, its icy caress sending a shiver up his spine. The cold sensation on his feet jolted a memory loose—a memory of a younger version of himself by this very lake, with his aunt by his side. At the time, he truly could not understand why his aunt had insisted on taking him to an unknown place, something that terrified him, given that he did not yet have his wand to guide him.

He had complained the whole way there, and upon touching the water, he had burst into tears, overwhelmed by the cold and a sudden fear of the unknown depths. His aunt had scooped him up, comforting him with her laughter and assurances that there was nothing to fear. He could still feel her breath against his ear when she whispered that she was right there with him, and that even though he could not see it, the world was too beautiful not to explore it.

Sitting there now, feet submerged in the chilly water, Ominis could not help but smile tenderly, because he now agreed with her. Even though his aunt was gone, her lessons and love continued to guide him, teaching him that it was okay to be scared and that there was strength in facing one's fears, just as he was doing now, one step at a time.

And just like that, his aunt’s words once again gave him the strength to face his current fear. He cast a drying spell on himself, put his shoes back on, and strolled back to the house. He stood still as he faced the front door, before taking a deep breath.

With a mixture of trepidation and curiosity, Ominis finally summoned the courage to open the door and cross the threshold. Stepping into the living room, he was immediately enveloped by a wave of nostalgia and melancholy. The room was a shrine to his aunt's life, filled with her belongings and memories that seemed to echo with her presence.

Ominis put his wand away in his pocket and moved forward, holding his hands out in front of him to avoid bumping into furniture, as he used to do when he was only a young child.

First, he came into contact with the worn armchair by the fireplace, where she would sit and read late into the night. watch him, while she lent him her wand and taught him the spell that allowed him to see the outline of the objects surrounding him (the one he still used to this day). It was the first time he had really discovered the world, and it was entirely thanks to her. It was she who had created the spell. Just for him.

And it certainly was not the only time that Ominis had felt such gratitude towards his aunt, for not far away there was a library full of books written in Braille. It was Noctua who had taught him to read in the same way as blind Muggles, because it was essential to her that her nephew should be able to acquire an education from a very young age.

As he moved through the room, Ominis ran his fingers over the familiar objects placed on the shelves. Only souvenirs that Noctua had brought back from her various expeditions to the four corners of the Earth, and which she took great pleasure in recounting to her nephew afterwards to lull him to sleep at night.

Every object held a story, a piece of his aunt's past that she had carefully preserved… but he knew that not everything was there. His aunt's research was missing.

He knew he would find it in her study, which happened to be the room Ominis dreaded the most, out of fear it would bring back too many memories and shatter his heart with grief all over again. Still, he climbed the stairs to go there, and a sense of unease settled in his chest. The weight of anticipation mingled with apprehension, each step a reminder of the memories waiting for him behind the door.

With a trembling hand, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, the air heavy with the scent of old books and dried herbs. The room felt frozen in time, untouched since his aunt's passing, a silent witness to her tireless pursuit of knowledge and understanding.

Instinctively, his hands reached out for her desk. To his greatest surprise, he felt parchment under his fingertips. With a mix of curiosity and trepidation, he reached out and picked it up, his heart pounding in his chest.

He unfolded what appeared to be a letter, and took out his wand, guiding its tip along the lines…

My dearest Ominis, my little boy,

If you are reading this letter, it’s unfortunately because my curiosity and my research into Salazar Slytherin have gotten the best of me. I have always been fascinated by the history of our ancestors, but I fear that this time, my enthusiasm for the past has led me a bit too far.

I am writing these words to you, my dear child, because it is important for me that you know why I have chosen you as my sole and only heir. You might still be young, but your soul carries a wisdom and a purity that I haven’t found in any other member of our family. While many have let themselves be corrupted by greed, pureblood supremacy, or the desire for power, you have always followed your heart, staying true to your moral values and that integrity that so defines you. It is for this reason, and this reason alone, that I know my belongings and my research, but also my hopes and dreams for a better future, could not be in better hands than yours.

I fondly remember all the moments we have shared. Your first steps into the world of magic, your eyes wide with wonder when you finally saw how the world was shaped. You were so wise, so shy, and yet already so determined to do what is right. Your tenacity, even when faced with the greatest challenges, has always impressed me. You were that little boy with a stubborn temperament, the one who refused to be walked over, all while maintaining a softness and kindness that made you so special in my eyes.

Today, as I write these lines, my heart is heavy at the thought of not being able to meet the handsome young man, wise, intelligent, and accomplished that you surely have become. I have no doubt that you have grown to become an exceptional person, upholding the values we have shared and that I have tried to teach you.

My last advice to you, my dear nephew, is to never lose sight of who you truly are. You are a Gaunt, and you have strong convictions and a heart of gold. So, yes, you are a Gaunt, but it does not necessarily have to be a fatality. Stay true to yourself and show the world that not all descendants of Slytherin need to be feared.

Take care of yourself, my child, and always remember that you have within you the strength and wisdom to change the world.

With all my love,

Your aunt who loves you the most.

Ominis's tears flowed uncontrollably, falling onto his hands. He put the letter down for fear of soaking it and destroying one of the only things he had left of his beloved aunt.

Despite his deep sorrow, Ominis was suddenly overcome by an unshakeable determination. He vowed to himself to carry on his aunt's legacy. Armed with her research and her unwavering belief in him, he knew that he could face whatever trials awaited him. He felt a deep sense of connection to her, as if she were still there, guiding him with her love and her wisdom through this new chapter of his life… even from above.

She was the one who had shown him the world... so he was going to give his heart and soul to making it a little more like she had dreamt.

“You can count on me, Aunt Noctua… I’ll do it for you. I’ll make you proud. I promise.”

[thelov3lybookworm]

Gone Through Enough (part 2)

Day 2: Childhood

Summary: New friends and heartbreaks.

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Word Count: 2053

A/n: hehehe this one is looong (kinda)

@erisweekofficial

this is the part 2 of this series, soooo

✨ENJOYYY✨

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Y/n had not wanted to move into the big, scary looking palace, but her mom had told her that it was important. Something about a high lord and her father working for him.

It did not mean the high walls intimidated her any less. The palace-like house looked like it contained ghosts. The place was too big for Y/n’s liking, who was used to living in a home where every corner was filled with love and didn’t look like you would get snatched wherever you turned.

The palace looked like the people inside would be mean and not give Y/n her favourite pineapple cake just for the sake of making her cry.

She reached up to grasp her father’s hand tightly, Sir Pine clutched tightly in her other arm, her stuffed bunny.

George August glanced down at his little daughter, smiling slightly at the petrified look on her face as the driver of the carriage finished unloading the bags the family had brought along. Servants rushed to pick up the bags, bowing deeply before hurrying away. It scared Y/n more, and she let go of her father’s hand to wrap herself around his leg.

Alana glanced at her husband, then tried to get Y/n to let go.

George simply smiled, then gathered Y/n in his arms. "You have nothing to worry about, my love. You will make friends here."

The girl blinked at her father.

He chuckled. "There is a boy your age. I’m sure you will be the best of friends. You will be kind to him, won’t you?"

The girl nodded vigorously, her fright momentarily forgotten as she began rambling about how she would share her toys with him.

George led them in, already familiar with the layout of the massive fortress, considering he was the high lord’s most trusted advisor. Also the reason he was ordered to move in with the royal family.

The high lord had bestowed what he thought was a favour upon the Augusts.

Stalking through the winding corridors with his daughter hugging him tightly, George finally stopped in front of the chambers the high lord had assigned to the family, then passed Y/n to his wife.

"Alana, there is a chance the lady would be waiting for you inside. Good luck."

Alana nodded, then walked in, setting Y/n on the ground.

Y/n was in awe of the room. Despite how scary the exterior looked, the room she had come in with her mother was very nice. The walls were the same colour as Y/n’s room back at her old home, the fire in the hearth warming up the entire sitting area.

Where a lady was also waiting with a boy in her lap.

Y/n gasped, then hurried to hide behind her mother, her little frock bouncing against her knees.

"My lady, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you." Y/n’s mother spoke, her voice echoing in the high arched chamber.

"I would love to say the same, Lady August. And who’s that little angel behind you, if I may ask?"

Y/n peeked around her mother’s skirts, eyes wide as she stared at the lady from before. She looked nice, and not how Y/n had thought she would look like because she lived in this scary palace.

Y/n refused to speak unless her mother told her to, so she waited as the two ladies continued speaking, then looked at the boy who poked his head out from behind the lady. He had the same height as Y/n, and his hair was red. What shocked Y/n though was his eyes. She had personally never met someone with amber eyes.

They looked almost like liquid gold.

"Y/n? Meet Eris." Y/n glanced up at her mother when the lady spoke, suddenly feeling shy. "Oh, and pardon me. I did not introduce myself! Silly me, I am lady Autumn, though you can call me anything you want."

Y/n ducked her head in a shy nod, smiling because that was the right thing to do as Y/n’s old nanny said.

"Eris? Why don’t you show Y/n your toys, huh?"

The boy nodded, then came forward. He offered his hand to Y/n, who glanced at her mother before taking it. He led her out and into another room, where he pulled out a box of wooden swords and shields.

It is safe to say Y/n got bored pretty soon.

But she did love playing with him and dragged him off to show him her toys, though she did have to be her mother to unpack her toys.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Eris’s pov.

Eris had nothing to smile about, really. But he woke up with a smile every morning because of her.

Y/n was his friend, the only one he knew cared about him. She made him smile, she made him laugh. Hell, she made him cry. But it was something he was happy about, because he could never cry in front of anyone else.

Even alone in his own room, he hesitated to let go of his frustration in tears, because being the son of the high lord, even the walls were his enemy.

But with her, he felt safe, secure. Everytime after a beating, she would come talk to him, bring snacks. She would look into his eyes and instantly know whether he wanted her to ignore his newest bruises or whether he wanted to sob his heart out.

She was just like that, his Y/n. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

So when he heard the news of her departure from the capital and into a fairly far away province, his heart nearly gave out.

As he now ran towards her room after overhearing a conversation between George and his father, he wondered if there was any way he could beg her to stay.

Wondered if it would even matter, considering it was the high lord who was sending the August’s away because he was pleased.

Beron had decided to gift one of the bigger provinces to them because he was pleased with their loyalty and services to him.

Eris doubted it was the only reason, considering Y/n and Eris had been growing ever closer recently.

But his mind emptied of thoughts as he skidded to a halt in front of the large double doors and then, heart in his throat, pushed them open and hurried inside.

There on the couch sat Y/n, holding her favourite bunny toy that was falling apart at the seams.

His heart stopped, then started beating faster.

Eris was barely fourteen, still a baby in fae standards, but he was not dumb enough to not understand what he felt towards Y/n was not just friendship.

But he did not want to think too much about what he felt when the one he cared so much for was sobbing right in front of his eyes.

She glanced up as soon as he sat down next to her, and reached out her hand to hold his. "Eris." she gushed, "I don’t want to go. I will have no one to play with, no one to talk to. I don’t want to leave you here either, Er."

He nodded, tugging her into a hug.

"I don’t want to leave you here. He will hit you again and I won’t be here to hug you. What will you do?"

"If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I will survive either. But we have no other option, you know that."

She nodded, pulling away and wiping her tears. "Promise we’ll stay in touch?"

She extended her smallest finger to him, and despite how ridiculous he had always found this pinky promise of hers, he lifted his hand, wrapping his finger around hers, nodding. "Promise."

But as a day later, Eris watched her wave at him teary eyed, and then watched the carriage drive off, the horses whining, he knew it would be almost impossible to keep that promise.

And even though he knew she was as helpless as he was, he did not realise when tha seed of resentment took root in his heart where once a happy tree flourished in the barren land of his conscious.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

"So I get anything I want if I agree to help you out?"

Eris nodded, meeting the three pairs of eyes that sat around the lounge in his bedchambers.

"Anything that is within reason, obviously."

"So if I want more land, I get it. If I want to come back and be a part of your council of advisors, I will-"

"Yes. As long as it is not something as absurd as handing you the whole court, I will give it to you."

George August grinned, standing up and sending a glance at Y/n. "The plan has already been set in motion."

Eris wondered if Y/n knew, but by the furrow on her forehead, she didn’t. The fact that she was even a pawn in this dangerous game -let alone the fact that she had been oblivious about it- boiled Eris’s blood.

"Care to elaborate?"

Y/n’s father opened his mouth, and with every word that he uttered, Eris had to hold himself back from punching his teeth down his throat.

Y/n showed no emotions as her father talked about his plan, and when her mother started giving her inputs, she just looked numb.

But Eris could see the turmoil in her eyes.

When George finally stopped speaking, Eris dismissed them, but then he did what he never would have in his sane mind.

But, well, he was not in his sane mind.

"Y/n. Stay, I have to talk to you about something."

She glanced at him skeptically, her eyes burning, but then dipped her head in a nod.

Eris did not miss the smirk George shot his wife as the couple exited.

He walked over to his liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of whiskey and began making himself a glass.

Y/n remained quiet while he worked, but Eris could feel her gaze on him the whole time.

Once he was done, he settled down on the settee, meeting her eyes.

"Are you okay with this plan?"

She raised one perfect eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

He stared at her as he shot back the glass in his hand, refusing to wince as the liquid burned his throat.

"Are you okay with this plan."

She snorted. "Like it matters to you."

She turned to the door, her hand grabbing the handle. But before she could so much as take her next breath, he was on her.

"I think I asked you a question, Y/n."

She glared at him over her shoulder as he pressed her against the door. "And so did I."

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t-

"It does matter to me Y/n. It does because if you are not okay with this plan, it could go wrong-"

She let out a harsh laugh, pushing against his hold. He let her go, scowling as she turned to him with a sadistic smile. "Of course. It only matters to you because me being a pawn in this benefits you."

His heart begged Eris to tell her the truth, but Eris refused to bow down.

"I mean, what did I even expect? You didn’t care about me this past century and a half. Why would you care now?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, placing his palm above her head, the grooves carved into the wood digging into his skin. "You never tried to reach out to me for you to pretend it was my fault we did not stay in touch."

Her lips parted, disbelief shining in her beautiful eyes.

"You don’t know what you are talking about. And even if I did not reach out, you never tried to either. You can’t put the whole blame on me."

She spoke the truth. That did not mean Eris liked it.

He maintained eye contact, breathing deep in through his nose before she shoved him off of her, scoffing when he stumbled back.

And then she left.

Just like she had over a century ago.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

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[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

Trine [5]

Anselm Vogelweide X Blue Jones X F!Reader • Rating: 18+ pals Part One • Trine Masterlist • Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? • request info • ko-fi •

Series Masterlist

Summary: When Anselm has to go to a meeting Blue gets bratty.

A/N: A MASSIVE, HUGE THANK YOU TO THE WONDERFUL @lonelyisamyw-0love FOR BETA READING AND SAVING ME FROM BAD SPELLING, TERRIBLE TYPOS, AND QUESTIONABLE GRAMMAR! Also huge thank you to the anon suggesting Blue called reader and Anselm, mommy and daddy. (I will be answering your ask in more detail in the future for sure!)

Warnings: reader is married to Anselm, Blue being a BRAT, then a whiney sub, begging, p in v sex, cream pies, oral (f receiving), grabbing by the neck (Blue receiving), Blue being quite rude actually, Blue calling the reader 'mommy', please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 2362

________________________________

Anselm had gone out to an important meeting early, well before Blue had even opened his eyes. 

Your husband had kissed you goodbye, promising to return as soon as he could. 

When Blue found out that Anselm had gone without saying goodbye to him he was insufferable. Pouting and scowling, huffing and puffing as he ate breakfast. (Which was another cause for his distress. You’d already eaten. And despite how you’d kissed his cheek and told him you’d sit with him while he ate he still grumbled and glared. One breath away from throwing a toddler level tantrum.)

“I’m showering.” He had declared with a stroppy throw back of his head, his arms crossed. 

You had smiled despite your best efforts not to, thoroughly amused by his little display. 

Which only further upset him. 

You’d settled in the day room, reading with your legs up on the sofa. 

An hour or so since you’d last seen Blue he came marching into the room, a deep scowl on his face.

He was only wearing the thin silk dressing gown he had decided was his. His hair still wet from the shower. 

He stopped an arm's width away from you, his hands on his hips. 

You watched him out of the corner of your eye and slowly turned the page.

He huffed, sighing irritatedly at your lack of attention. 

You ignored him and suppressed your grin. 

“What are you reading?” He demanded, speaking before you even had a chance to respond. “And why is it more important than me?” 

You hide your face behind the book to stop your laughter from being completely obvious. 

Blue breathes in deeply, scowling. “This isn’t funny!”

You can’t help yourself. “Isn’t it?” You put your bookmark in and close your novel, placing it gently on the floor. 

“No.” He pouts. “It’s not, despite how amusing you’re finding it.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Quite the display you’re providing me with.” 

His frown deepens and you can’t help but think he shouldn’t look cuter while he’s trying so hard to be menacing. 

“I want to fuck you.” He says with all the arrogance of a spoilt prince. 

You stare back at him. 

“I said,” he steps closer, going to grab your ankles. 

“Uh, uh, uh,” you tut and move your legs away. 

He gives you the dirtiest look you have ever seen. “Wh-”

“If you’re so desperate to get off,” you nod towards his obvious erection and move so that you’re sitting upright. “You can get on your knees and hump my leg while I read.” 

His face reddens in anger. “I am not a fucking dog that you can just order around,” he leans closer to you, trying to intimidate you  by caging you in, “that you think you can-”

You grab his neck firmly and he yelps, his right hand going to grab your wrist as his eyes widen in surprise. 

Your goodwill with his bratty behaviour comes to a very sudden end. You sit up straighter, forcing him to his knees and squeeze ever so slightly. 

Blue gasps, whining, his pupils dilating. 

“You think because Anselm’s not here you can behave like this?” Your voice comes out in a hiss, the closest to anger he’s ever heard. 

Blue tries to shake his head but your grip hampers his movement. 

“You think I’ll just roll over and let you be so disrespectful?” 

His eyes widen as you squeeze. His words come out in a whimper. “I’m sorry.”

“What was that?” 

He swallows, his throat bobbing under your hand. “I’m sorry.” He says clearer. 

You nod, but don’t loosen your grip. “And?” 

His cock twitches at your firm tone. “I won’t… won’t do it again… I’m sorry.” 

“You better not.” You snarl and push him back away from you. The action isn’t hard, or intended to cause any real pain. But he stumbles back anyway, reaching out behind himself to stop from toppling from his knees. 

You pick up your book and open it, your jaw clenched. 

Blue bites his lip, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes as his heart hammers in his chest threatening to break his ribs in two. 

He hadn’t meant for this to happen. Hadn’t meant to anger you. To make you truly upset. He’d just… wanted his own way. 

Nervously, he tugs at his short hair, shoulders slumped, mind speeding. His thoughts going so quickly he couldn’t even keep hold of them. 

He risks a little glance up to you.  You’re back to reading, seemingly ignoring him again. 

Hesitantly he shuffles forward on his knees, inching closer until you can feel his warm breath on your bare shin. 

He reaches out, lightly placing his hand on your knee with trembling fingers. 

You don’t react. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again, his voice trembling ever so slightly. “Really sorry, I…” He swallows pitifully and shuffles closer. He presses his face against your leg, rubs his cheek against your skin as he kisses you lightly. “Please,” there’s a little hitch in his breath as he tries to not let his emotions completely overwhelm him. Tries not to drown in them.

He doesn’t know what’s happened, what’s wrong with him. He used to just take whatever and fuck whoever and now… now he’s here practically sobbing on his knees for your attention. And he’s never felt so aroused in his life. 

“Please,” he drags his lips up higher to your thigh when you don’t stop him, kissing and licking at your soft skin. “Please,” he groans, he just can’t help it, as he slowly presses your legs apart and you yield. 

“Please,” his eyelids flutter as he moves the skirt of your dress up and sees you’re bare underneath. Heat sizzles along his spine and he moans wantonly, gazing at your pretty cunt. 

He glances up at you, rubbing his thighs together and bowing his back ever so slightly to get some relief on his aching cock. 

You’ve put the book to the side and your expression has softened somewhat. But still not enough to reassure him he is back in your good graces.

He licks his bottom lip nervously, “please?” 

You cock your head to the side and watch him for a moment. “You think you deserve it? After how you behaved?” 

He closes his eyes and hangs his head, “no.” His voice is soft and submissive, just on the edge of breaking. 

Gently you take his chin in your hand and raise his head up. He gazes at you, blinking heavily with shiny and confused eyes, but moves with you when you guide him forward between your legs. 

His breathing hitches, excitement pooling in his belly as he moves ahead of your touch, pushing your skirt up completely around your hips and licking a long, slow line through your folds. 

You bite your lips together to stop the moans from escaping your throat, but you needn’t have worried, Blue’s own groan is loud and drawn out. Vibrating through you as his tongue circles your clit.

He sucks it into his mouth, whimpering and whining and inching as close as he can, burying himself between your legs. He rubs the length of his cock weakly against the edge of the sofa as he spreads you wider, sinks his wicked tongue in deeper before he drags it upwards in a tortuous slow lick. Lapping at you like you were his only source of oxygen, drinking down your slick like it was ambrosia. 

He moans with every movement, eyes closed in bliss as he presses his hands into the soft flesh of your inner thighs, practically bending you in half against the back of the sofa as his tongue seeks out every single part of you. 

You hang onto the back of the settee for dear life, unable to stop the gasped breaths from leaving you now as he rocks and licks, sucks and whines. Your wetness mixes with his salvia, smearing over your folds and his cheeks as he makes a mess of you. 

It’s so warm, and wet, and oh god when he looks up at you, eyes lidded and pussy drunk you think you’ve died and gone to heaven. 

You groan his name, pressure coiling so tightly in your belly as you buck against him. You barely get a seconds warning before a final swipe of his tongue has you coming hard. 

You cry out as pleasure flows through you, tensing your muscles and turning your bones to jelly. 

Blue whines as your release hits his tongue, his eyes rolling back as he keeps moving, trying to prolong your pleasure as long as he can. 

As your shakes still he slowly moves back, his face shining and wet. You breathe deeply, spaced out for a second from how hard you’ve come. 

Blue gets up to kneel on the very edge of the sofa in between your thighs. You don’t quite register what he’s doing at first until he presses the back of your thighs once more, folding you up on yourself slightly and noches his leaking, red tip at your entrance. 

“Blue-” your question becomes a deep moan as he just sinks into you, stretching you so wide and filling you so perfectly. 

He bites his bottom lip hard, his eyes still hazy and spaced out. He gasps, as he moves, plunging deeper. “Don’t worry, I’m not,” he groans, “I won’t cum, I don’t deserve to cum,” he bottoms out and breathes deeply, composing himself for a moment. 

Your walls pulse around him and he sobs at how good the sensation feels. He swallows and pulls out half way before sinking back in, starting a deep and tortuous pace that has your spine bowing. 

“I want you to cum though,” he babbles, keeping his thrusts even and deep, watching your face as you moan and clench around him. “Want you to feel so good, want to show you how sorry I am,” his voice raises at the last word as you buck and he seemingly slips deeper. “Want you to cum all over me, I’m just your toy, just your toy to fuck and feel good mommy,” he moans loudly, his hips starting to move on autopilot as your heat squeezes him and pulls him closer. 

He bites his lip, a flush on his face and neck the second he realises what he said. “I, I-”

“It’s okay Blue,” you moan, hardly able to string three words together without moaning as he strokes your walls, repeatedly hitting perfectly inside with every thrust. He rocks his hips upwards every time he sheathes himself inside, rolling his pubic bone against your clit in a long drawn out stroke that drives you to the point of insanity. 

You didn’t think you’d be able to come again so quickly, but your orgasm is hurtling towards you at lighting speed. Your thighs shaking with every thrust and every moan from his lips. 

You groan, “You’re gonna,” another long gasp leaves you as his hips snap against yours, “gonna make me cum again Blue.” 

He whines, his own muscles shaking from the exertion of the angle and from trying to fight off his own orgasm. 

“Noone’s ever made me cum so fast from-,” you moan, your eyes screwing shut. 

Blue’s own whine joins yours, harmonises with the sound as he leans closer, places one foot on the floor for better leverage. 

You scream. The angle change shatters you into pieces, liquid pleasure flowing out and filling your veins as you shake and pulse around him. 

Blue gasps, keeps moving as best he can as he groans and watches you come apart completely on his cock. 

He swallows, mouth dry as you finally relax, breathing hard. He wants to cry, he wanted to see you cum for longer, see that pleasure on your face for hours and hours. He bites the inside of his mouth, about to move back and out of you when you wrap your left leg over his hip, halting his movements. 

He looks at you quizzically, “I?”

“Cum in me Blue.” Your voice is tired and fucked out, but firm. 

“I don’t deserve-”

“Are you questioning me?” 

He shakes his head rapidly, wide eyed. 

“Good.” You buck up against him. “Then cum for mommy.” 

He moans. His hips rutting against you of their own accord twice before he empties himself in you with a cry. Tears flowing down his cheeks as he practically cums on your command. 

His arms give out on him as his orgasm rockets through his body and you hold him in your arms, cradling the back of his head as he shivers and shakes. 

“Mommy, mommy, thank you,” he whines, sobbing and blabbering. “Thank you.” 

You kiss his temple as he calms, as his breathing evens out. “Feel better?” 

He nods against your neck. 

“You’re not going to act like a brat like that again for me, are you?” 

He shakes his head quickly. 

“Or I won’t be happy.” You stress the last word and he looks up at you quickly with his large shiny eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again. I promise.” 

You nod once.

“I…” he swallows. “I was… upset…”

You raise an eyebrow at him to continue. 

“I thought… I thought you, me and Anselm were going to be together the whole day and I…”

“You had a tantrum because he had a meeting.”

Blue nods again embarrassed. 

You breathe in deeply, “maybe Anselm is right, maybe I do spoil you.” 

He shakes his head quickly, panic greying his face. “No, no, no, you don’t, please, I promise I’ll never do it again, I-I,” he breathes in rapidly, “I’ll never make you sad again, mommy.” He bites his lip again, embarrassed that that word slipped out again, but you stroke his cheek and kiss him lightly. 

“Alright.” You kiss him again, deeper this time and he moans as he melts into your embrace. “It’s okay.” 

He nods. “Sorry.” 

“I forgive you.” You kiss his temple and hold him tight as he snuggles against you. 

“But I’m gonna have to tell Anselm about this when he gets home.” 

____________________

Thank you for reading!

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If you'd like to be taken off the tag list please let me know here

[zyonsay]

Monarch Butterflies

Fem aligned people may read but not f3tishize my work!!

Summary: You're a rook that Ghost grows fond of

Reader: Male

Warnings: Smoking/Vaping, Scars? (Not sh)

Now playing: Trash Magic by Lana del rey (unreleased song)

AN: Its 1:50 am here and the fic gets shittier the more you read but im more pleased with this one than i was with the old one. Also i renamed this one! I might rewrite this again in the future... Have fun pookies! [:

The deafening noise of the helicopter blades overrode every other sound at the base. The hair of the young man descending from the Helicopter stairs was swirling in the stirred-up air, making it hard for him to see anything at all. The pilot chuckled at the rookies obviously intimidated posture. “Go on, make yourself at home!”, he yelled. The youngster felt a bit more confident now, even if it was only a tiny bit.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and began walking towards the entrance, since you were told you’d be greeted there. You were meant to be at this place, but your low self esteem made you feel as small as a mouse. But you did graduate at the top of your military training, so you packed quite a punch. Other people would describe you as ambitious but sweet, which some dickheads saw as an invitation to pick on you.

“Soldier, Welcome!”, a man with a quirky fisherman’s hat greeted you. You offered him a warm smile, inhaling deeply before you spoke. “I’m assuming you’re Captain Price?” The air smelled fresh and was slightly cool, running a chill down your spine.  The bearded man grinned at you, “Yes, indeed. And you are L/N F/N?” You saluted hastily, “Yes sir!” His grin widened a tiny bit. “At ease soldier, let me introduce you to my boys.”, stepped to the side, revealing a group of soldiers, all of them looking very unique.

“Hi, I’m Kyle but you can call me Gaz!”, the young man with an incredibly beautiful face smiled at you. You offered him a small nod while you were wondering what the hell his skincare routine was. “Soap MacTavish! Lookin’ fahrward to working with ye!”, his thick Scottish accent very apparent. He held his hand to you, giving you a hearty handshake. You eyed the next man carefully, examining his clothed face, which only revealed his dark brown eyes to you.  “Ghost.”, his words felt like a cold hand crawling up your back, gripping your soul and ripping it right out of you. Your knees felt weak, and your posture shrank ever so slightly.

The rest of the team has introduced itself to you, each and every individual letting their character shine through. But that clamming, cold feeling still hasn’t left you. “So, rook. You can’t just fuck around and find you, so I’ll assign you a mentor. We don’t want to waste your potential, now do we?”, he paused quickly, looking at you intently, smiling. “…And maybe that bastard will learn something too.” He then directed his smile towards Ghost, causing him to roll his eyes at his Captain. “Lieutenant, would you please show our rook around?” Ghost only responded with a sigh and began walking away, not waiting for you to catch up. You quickly scurried after him, not before quickly saying goodbye to the others.

Ghosts’ steps were big, your smaller form was struggling to keep up, but you’d never admit that out loud. “Here are the barracks.”, he curtly nodded towards a big entrance, numbered with some ungodly long cipher. He also showed you the multiple gyms that the base offered, peeking your head in to check out all of the machines available. The washrooms were pretty close by, allowing you to quickly use the toilet, since you didn’t get the chance earlier.

Your mentor has proven himself extremely important to you, even if he was a bit gruff sometimes. “AIM STRAIGHT YOU ASSHOLE” or “GODDAMN IT, ROOK. KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED” could often be heard over the radio during your missions. But the more time passed, the closer you two got.

“You want one?” Simon offered you a cigarette as you two were standing outside of the base, a cool gust of wind passing through. You shook your head, thinking it might just be impossible to even light one with this wind. “Nah, got my vape.”, your voice was barely above a whisper. Your Lieutenant shrugged indifferently, picking his lighter out of the pockets of his jeans. He’d never tell you that, but he cared deeply about you. To him you were like a younger brother and he’s willing to defend you in any situation.

This day came way too fast, ripping you out of the daily routine you’ve been following for over a year now. A heavy, awkward silence fell over the base. The one-four-one knew what would happen, today you’d be joining the Forze speciali italiane (Italian special forces) and would be permanently deployed there, meaning you won’t be part of the 141 anymore. Most of the guys have already said their goodbyes, some of them had a pained expression on their face, others (Soap lol) were bawling their eyes out. But someone has been avoiding you all day. Simon. You urgently wanted to talk to him, knowing it would eat you up from the inside for eternity if you didnt.

You hesitantly knocked on Simon’s door, waiting a bit too long for a response. A muffled “Come in” could be made out over the steps of some soldiers down the hall. You entered the room, carefully closing the door. Your friend was sitting at his desk, writing something on a piece of paper. You sat on his bed, like you’ve done many times before. You two were silent for a while, both not sure what to say. Then you slowly began. “So… how are you?” Simon turned around in his chair and looked at you intently. “Shut the fuck up.” Just a few seconds later and you were pulled into a tight hug. This was all that it took to make you cry like a little child, sobbing in your friends’ arms. You were surprised to hear Simon sniffling too, was he crying? As you two parted, you saw that he was indeed crying as his eyes were red and his blond eyelashes stuck together because of the tears.

You looked at your shiny wristwatch, standing up again. “I really gotta go. I’ll miss you Si.” You offered him a warm smile.

And with that you were gone.

The smell of fresh cut trees adorned the air, leaving you content. Your hair was dancing in the wind, looking a lot like the flames of a hungry fire. For the past five years you’ve been part of the Italian special forces, being an important asset. You’ve worked your way up the ladder and could now proudly call yourself a Lieutenant.  In the past years you have collected a lot of experience but not all of it good.

“We’re here L,t.”, the pilot pulled you out of your thoughts. As soon as the helicopter had landed, you jumped out and moved towards the all too familiar entrance.

“Rook! Or rather Lieutenant!”, Price greeted you warmly, patting you on the shoulder in a dad-like manner. You laughed, chit chatting with him as you continued walking. You met Gaz, Soap and Roach, making idle small talk with them, when Simon appeared out of thin air, as usual. He stared at you, not believing his eyes. “Y/N…?”, he whispered hesitantly. You walked up to him, happy to see your friend again. Tears were welling in your eyes, you thought you might never see him again. Simon hugged you with his strong arms, gripping you tightly, scared that you might just be a phantom of his imagination. You looked different, more mature, but also like you’ve seen some shit. You were still his friend from back then, but there was a hint of seriousness in your aura. Maybe it was also the gigantic scar across your whole face, indicating a serious injury, as it barely missed your eye. You guys definitely had a lot to catch up on.

"I missed you, idiot."

[luvly-writer]

XOXO

Ch. 18 Nothing happened in the way i wanted

-•-

Author’s Note: I find it so funny that whenever I come back I release like five chapters then disappear, I love that 😭

Warnings: Mentions of SA and predatory behavior. Beginning of angst.

Taglist: @w31rdg1rl @mxtokko @loonymoonystuff @grandstrangerphanthom @1lellykins @cangosleepnow @dreamspectrum @its-maemain @tamimemo @nightw-izhu @trasshy-artist @gabriiiiiiii @pank0w @writing-for-the-hell-of-it

Masterlist:

-•-

Thud Thud... Thud Thud... Thud Thud...

I could feel my heart in my throat. I took the napkins and kept on twisting them in my hands. I feel Grandma's gaze on me and her hand on mine, stopping me from fidgeting.

"Mona, you are going to be okay. You have constantly gone against your father and you will win once again. Plus, I am right here. Your father won't intimidate me," she reassured you with a smile and a wink. You were both sitting in one of the family rooms in the Vanderbilt manor. You had arrived early and had been served coffee. Your father had been taking his sweet time in arriving, always one for theatrics. You remember a time when this sort of dramatics was used in playing around with your sisters. Charlisse always wanted to be a dragon or a pirate; Aurora presented herself as the princess, the unicorn, I always wanted the mermaid and the adventurer. Our father was always the narrator of our little ploys and we would present them to our mother. He used to be so warm and caring and loving sometimes..but when I got to middle school, after my grandfather's death and the beginning of my sisters' competition for CEO, he grew colder and harsher. I would love for my father to go back to the way he was before...

Snapping me out of my daydream, my father enters the room and sits across from us.

"Margaret." he said curtly and my grandmother looked at him dead in the eye, "William...You look terrible," she responded, causing me to snort a little. Grandma was never one to hold back on my father. She was right though, my father looked horrible. He had eye bags and his clothes looked crumpled, something highly unusual for William Vanderbilt. "It's been a rough few days, Marge" he responded and turned to me.

"Y/n.." he acknowledged me softly and I squeezed my grandmother's had tightly before answering, "Father."

"Shall we?" he gestured to both of us and I nodded. He cleared his throat and began speaking, "Before anything...I am sorry, my sweet dewdrop, for everything I've put you through these last few years...I know this in no shape or form begins to excuse anything I've put this family through but I do want you to understand the big why of everything and maybe we could begin a journey where you could forgive me. I love you, sweetie, I do. Your sisters and you are my pride and joy, my greatest creation, and my proudest achievement. I am deeply sorry I have neglected you all these years in the name of the family business and image. A few years ago, when you were in middle school and my father died, in his will he left very clear and strict instructions on what had to be made. Were they not to be followed, everything that we owned would have been put at risk. You see when I was younger, I was much like you...I had a passion for music and it flowed through every breath I took, I wanted to pursue it freely yet my father disregarded it because someone had to take the mantle of the family business. I rebelled for some time and did whatever I pleased, I had the freedom to do so seeing as the family lineage was important to the old man, and me being an only child, I wouldn't be at risk of getting disowned. The old man...he was....furious and pulled some strings so that no matter what, I would fail so that I would end up back home and submitting to taking the mantle. His plan worked and to avoid risking history from repeating itself, he left clear instructions for you girls so that no one stepped out of line. One of the clauses was that everyone was to be part of the family business, the second was that you all had to be married, and if by the time you were 20, you weren't married, it was the board's obligation to find you a suitable husband. The third was that you all had to keep the best image possible so that you wouldn't drag the family name to the ground...the same way I did years ago...My lawyers have been working on ways to invalidate the clauses for years, Clarisse and Aurora knew how to play within the clauses but you...I'm afraid that with your mother's free spirit and my temperament and rebellion, you proved to be a force too difficult to control. No one knows that more than me. I got so lost trying to not lose everything and please my father who is already in his grave, that I forgot the most important thing, my family. I am so sorry for all the years I have mistreated you, Charli, Rora, and Mom. You deserve so much and it took you showing me how much I am acting like my father to reevaluate my behavior these last years. I promise, I will do my best to mend and better all my wrongs."

You were stuck to your chair...honestly...fuck your grandfather. Everything made more sense now, why you always visited your grandparents when your grandfather was gone, how you'd see your other grandmother more often when he died, why he was never mentioned, the drastic change in your father's behavior after his death...

"I knew there was a reason I never liked the man," said your grandmother with a huff as she took a sip of her glass of wine. This made you and your father laugh.

"What about the clauses...do I still fall under them?" you ask. It was the one thing that still worried you...was Morris still in the picture, did you still have to take a place in the family business, was marrige still an obligation-

"No. A few days ago, my lawyers called me. After retting a meeting with the board after New Year's and discussing the clauses, they were finally able to find a breakthrough. Everyone took to voting and decided that the best outcome was to proclaim them invalid. What are a dead man's wishes but silent demands? You are free, I spoke to Mr. Morris. Which speaking of, I want to clear the air that he was the board's decision. They were pressuring us to choose him seeing as he used to have a clean record." He answered.

"I still don't get why you would allow that roach of a man near your daughter, William! This is worst that a disgrace, he was disgusting!" Margaret grumbled and my father agreed with her.

"You said he had a clean record?" I asked focusing on that weird part.

My father nodded, "Ah yes, a few weeks ago, some information was leaked to our members of the board about sexual assault allegations and predatory behavior in Mr. Morris. After we hired some private investigators, we found most of the information to be true. Tomorrow the board is releasing an official statement of apology directed to you. I am deeply sorry, my dear. I do promise to be better." he said taking my hands in his a giving the a squeeze.

"I am free.." you say softly, and both your grandmother and father smile.

"You are. No competition, no family business, no arranged marriage, you are free to be your own person, kid" he assures. "I am very proud of you, dewdrop. I talked with your grandmother over the phone. Once you finish college this may, both of your trust funds will be officially released to you."

"I can open my art gallery!" you say tearing up and both of them nod proudly. "Time to share the good news with Tim, Mona. I bet he is going to be delighted," Said your grandmother.

Shit...Tim...It has been weeks since you'd answered a message of his. You knew it was unfair to him, to just ghost him out of the blue. You had a good reason too...well as far as good reasoning goes. You hadn't talked with him ever since spending Christmas with him and ignored all of his invitations for New Year's...Your conflict must have been visible in your face because your grandmother rand father looked at you concerned.

"About that..." you say and take a deep breathe.

-•-

You were finally going home to your apartment after the very long day you had. You had confessed...Not to Tim, no... your family. After explaining the whole thing to your grandmother and father, they were conflicted, to say the least. As they were battling with being proud for outsmarting the entire family and media, disappointed for your lying, and concerned for your well-being, your sisters and mother had arrived and were filled in the entire thing. At first, no one wanted to believe you. They reassured me that they couldn't believe it was fake because they swore the love between the two of you looked real. No one could act that well, yet you were in denial. As everyone sat for dinner, they all agreed on one thing, Tim and you were meant to be and clearly in love, but neither of you was seeing it. Your sisters and mother were insistent in your talking with him, but you were in denial. Your father and grandmother tried a different approach by saying how much they approved of him and how he would make a great addition to the family. Still, you saw no sense. You loved Tim, that is true, but you appreciated him as a friend too much. He was your friend, the one who you learned to trust and tell everything, he was the one who had your side any time, he was the one that showed you every movie you had missed, every game you had never played, every story you didn't know. Sure it had only been two months since you met, but he became such a strong part of your life that you weren't sure you wanted to ruin by confessing how much you loved him. Tim was your friend, he was just helping you out, he knew how to play a part well because he had practiced with his double life, he was just playing a part for you. He wasn't...he....didn't...love...no, you didn't even want to think it. Tim was a good guy, Tim loved to help others and he always gave his best for others, that's why he was so convincing, because he is Tim. He is pure and devoted to a good cause. He was Tim, your Timmy, your friend, mine. He was everything, the closest thing you had to twin flame and you didn't deserve and you shouldn't tarnish the purity of that relationship.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you noticed you were about to pass his apartment complex and noticed his lights were on. You told the driver to stop. You were putting an end to this. The driver parks in front and you tell him you will be quick. You step out of the car and run to the lobby. Having been recognized there, they let you up without a problem. Finally, in front of his door, you knock roughly and call him out.

Lo and behold there is Tim Drake in all his glory when he opens the door. He looks more tired than usual, is the first thing you notice. Ever since the two of you started talking, you have been helping him get a better sleeping schedule and his eyebags have lessened by a lot. But now, weeks later, you can tell your absence took a toll on him. His eyes showed he was conflicted. Anger, relief, sadness, tiredness, and something else you couldn't quite put a finger in. (Admiration and love, sweetie, that's what it is)

"Just when I was enjoying my inner peace..was wondering when you'd deem me worthy of your presence again," he said and you flinch at the slight snark and glare he gave you.

"You are angry, rightfully so" you start and he cuts you off, "Really, what gave you that impression?"

"I have a good explanation"

"That so?"

"My father set me free.." you say and his eyes soften a little

"Which means.."

"I don't have to get married, I won't be forced to be part of the family business, I won't have to deal with Morris anymore" you say softly and he nods, pleased.

"That's good angel, still don't get why I had to be ghosted for it. We started this together we should end it together" he stresses and I look down

"I know, its just that...that means that"

"That?" he preassures

"We are over." I finally look up, trying to keep my tears at bay, "And I've been trying to find a way to tell you."

-•-

extras:

Grandma calls Y/n “Mona” because of Mona Lisa

William calls Y/n dewdrop because of her obsession with mermaids when she was a kid

I changed the time line a little bit. Tim and Yn know each other from high school (Gotham Academy), having both been each other’s crushes, but the formally met on November. Spent the last of November and all of december together. She stopped talking to him after christmas and ignored him until the second week of January which is this chapter.

[tlbodine]

Overthinking: A Night in Terror Tower

A Night in Terror Tower is Goosebumps #27, and a bit of a strange one to return to. The thing is that I remember some parts of it extremely well. I internalized the first part of this book to such an extent that I was surprised to actually visit London many years later and find the real Tower of London to be quite different than that's described in the book. This book taught me what thumb-screws were. All of this is extremely vivid in my memory.

What I did not remember at all was the book's central conflict, nor the twist. Zero recollection of it. What the hell happened, there? Did I not actually finish reading this somehow? Did I start reading it in a bookstore and then not buy it? I am supremely confused.

Anyway. I finished it this time. Let's see how it went.

First, the Plot: Sue and her brother Eddie are in London while their parents attend an important work conference. To keep them occupied, the kids are sent on a city-wide sightseeing tour. The last stop is at Terror Tower, a castle/prison where all sorts of political prisoners were held captive and tortured. They learn all about this, and are particularly intrigued by the tale of Susannah and Edward of York, a princess and prince who were imprisoned and executed by their power-hungry throne-thieving uncle.

They realize they've gotten separated from their tour group and run into a strange, intimidating man in a cape (who has three white plot points, I mean stones). Fleeing from him, they catch a cab but discover they don't have the right kind of money to pay the fare. The cab takes them back to the hotel, where they're sure their parents will cover the fare, but when they get back to the room, it's empty. Worse, the front desk insists nobody is staying in that room, and there are no conferences happening. Most concerning of all, the kids can't remember their last names -- or what their parents looked like -- or even what they did yesterday.

As they're deeply freaking out about this, the caped dude shows back up and demands Eddie hand over his plot points, i mean stones. Eddie, who's established as something of a pickpocket earlier, does give them back, and suddenly their surroundings change and they are in old-timey London. They try to flee and pay a peasant woman to hide them, but she hands them over the executioner anyway. They get locked up in the tower where they catch up with the rest of the class and realize that they are Susannah and Edward of York.

All of this is explained to them by Morgred, the king's sorceror who tried real hard to rescue them by sending them into the future but ultimately failed and is too much of a coward to try it again.

Luckily, fast-fingered Eddie has filched the magic stones again, and in a desperate effort, he attempts the spell -- and brings all THREE of them into the future, because they need a parent. And if you're going to be a kid unstuck in time, having a wizard with you who can conjure food and so forth is frankly a great idea.

Overthinking It: In hindsight, I'm not sure that "Terror Tower" was ever actually meant to be the Tower of London. It functionally sounds like a blend of the Tower of London plus The Clink prison museum, because a lot of time is spent talking about debtors' prisons and torture devices, which is the whole shtick of The Clink (or was when I visited, anyway).

This book does what many of the Goosebumps do very well, which is create a little getaway adventure. It's not surprising that the parts that I remember most clearly from childhood are the historical and torture bits, because they do get loving, lavish attention from the narrative.

There is a lot of horror in the idea of being two young kids lost in a foreign country. There's even more horror in the idea of realizing you have total amnesia. Combining those two things makes for some very tense storytelling for a few chapters, but then we're off to the races with more active hijinks.

I don't know what they plan on doing in the modern world. Like, Morgred had better have some tricks up his sleeve for making money or else they're going to be in a world of hurt for a while. I want to see a gritty urban fantasy sequel to this concept where the sorcerer is performing street magic and busking for money to support his "kids" while the three of them are unstuck in time.

If You Liked This, THESE Will Really Give You Goosebumps:

The conceit of coming to your hotel to learn that you don't know who you are feels completely ripped off from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, more specifically the story "Maybe You Will Remember" that shows up in the third book. Of course, that story is itself an urban legend (that may have been based on an actual event), so perhaps it's coincidental.

"Maybe You Will Remember" is the inspiration for So Long at the Fair, so, pair that off with this book too.

This book also reminded me of the film Room 6, where a woman's husband is taken to the hospital after an accident but seemingly disappeared. It is not a good movie, but it is one I thought about often while reading.

Speaking of movies that are not great but did come to mind while reading, there's also Timeline, starring a young Gerard Butler alongside Paul Walker on a time-bending adventure.

Does anybody have any good movies to recommend with a premise similar to this book? Hit me in the comments/reblogs because I'm coming up pretty dry.

[sparrowofthedawnsworld]

Just as I offered, here’s a little sneak peak into the Pirate!Jake fic 🥰

••••

“If I may ask, why are you still lingering, princess?”

The name falling of his tongue was like a drug. The most addictive drug one could find. Somehow he made the most flattering and important name, sound so degrading.

You stood frozen in place for a few moments too long, struggling to find a genuine reason for staying around - of which you did not have.

He hummed to himself, head tilting back slightly, “Just as I thought. You haven’t any good reason.”

You opened your mouth to attempt some sort of protest, once again falling short.

“If I may, your majesty,” Jake stood to his feet and sauntered to the door. “You are quite the gem. So exquisite and beautiful. Too bad you are too feisty and disobedient for my liking.”

Your whole body began to boil with various emotions; you were flustered, angry and immensely intrigued by him. He was setting you ablaze in a foul, but irresistible way.

“And… you are much too disrespectful for my taste,” you seethed, faltering for a moment so short, you hoped it went unnoticed. “Speaking to royalty in such a despicable manner…”

“And yet, the royalty herself, seems to be enjoying it.” Jake grinned wickedly.

You couldn’t tell if it was your body’s attempt to be intimidating, or seeking closer proximity to Jake. But without thinking too deeply about it, you stepped forward, “What makes you believe for a second that I am enjoying any of this?”

“Many reasons, Princess…” Jake began, speaking low and hushed. “You’ve taken at the very least five steps closer to this door. You could have left the second your… ‘accomplice’ dropped me in here.”

“You are terribly-“

“-Quiet, Princess. I don’t take well to being interrupted.” Jake cut you off abruptly, holding up a single finger that you couldn’t tear your eyes away from. “I would almost say you enjoy being spoken to this way, don’t you? Everyone gets tiresome with constantly hearing praises… And I’m sure praise is all you know, is it not?”

“Perhaps.” The word left your mouth bitter and clipped. He was very much right.

“Mhm, as I thought.” Jake gripped the bars of the door above his head, leaning forward as far as he could go. “You know… I could show you so much more. Make you feel so much more.”

“And what could you possibly be hinting at with such words, Jacob?” you questioned, sounding much more breathy than you had intended.

“If only I had the keys to open this-“ he gestured to the door, the only thing keeping the two of you apart. “-I could show much better than I could ever tell you, your majesty.”

“Never in a million years would I consider letting you out,” you scoffed, shoving the key that now was damp from your sweating hands, back into your pocket.

“Who said anything about letting me go?” Jake questioned seriously. “Just join me. You have the key to leave whenever you so please.”

“And… if I do choose to join you?” You narrowed your eyes, taking in his blown out pupils and all the little details surrounding them.

“Then I shall do just as I have said and show you things you will never forget.” Jake promised lowly, leaning in closer. “Things you will never want to forget,” he added.

Your faces were almost as close as they could get, you could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke.

Without once looking away from him, you hastily retrieved the key from your pocket and unlocked the door.

Jake stepped back, allowing you proper space to slide the door open just enough to squeeze your body through and get into the cell with him.

You turned around and closed the door, closing your eyes for a split second in attempts to slow your pounding heart and process what you had just done.

As you turned back to face Jake, he immediately outstretched his hand. and bowed before you ever-so-slightly.

Hesitantly, you placed your shaking, sweating hand in his and he brought it up to his lips, “‘Tis quite the pleasure, Princess.”

Jake placed the first kiss to the top of your hand, holding your stunned gaze. He shifted his hold up to your wrist, his lips following and placing another kiss higher up.

He continued the same actions, working his kisses up your arm, until his mouth reached your shoulder and his face was only inches from yours.

Slowly, he backed you up until you could feel the uncomfortable firmness of metal bars against your back.

“You are truly quite the brave one for joining me.” Jake whispered against your ear. “Just to make things even, I plan to tease you until you’re begging and pleading for my mercy.”

[thrashkink-coven]

Ritual Report: Wednesday July 26, 2023

My glorious and profound Father Lucifer, I thank you humbly for this marvellous experience as well as your permission to share this experience with my peers. You are infinite in your loving grace and wisdom. I revere you deeply and truly. Thank you, bless you. 🖤

“My Ritual with Lord Lucifer was fucking Amazing

I didn’t truly understand what everyone meant when they say that the Marvellous Light Bringer is beautiful and gracious beyond comprehension before this ritual. It’s been a day and I am still absolutely shaken and awe inspired. Ave the wonderful prince of darkness, Lord Lucifer. 🖤

Ritual with Lucifer (Holy Shit) (1)

Okay guys I’m not trying to be dramatic, seriously. I’m just super ?!??? aaaa ?? after the ritual I just did? But in a really great way. I just need to get this out and write this down because I’m ??? so happy? ? aa

I didn’t consider myself to be a Luciferian, but I’ve been reaching out to Lucifer for a little bit now, nothing super intense but I have definitely felt his presence and done some small offerings for him. Another spirit I work very often with is very close with Lucifer, and through him I came into contact with The Prince. I’ve worked a lot with other angels but I’ve only really started dabbling with Lucifer within the last year. He’s been good to me. Whatever whatever, just context.

I wanted to do something a little deeper, really get a solid good connection. Honestly, I just wanted to get to know him better. I’ve been thinking about him very often, seeing him in dreams. The energy in my room almost called for it. Idk.

A mutual of mine who also works with Lucifer suggested I try meditating with an enn. I’ve been meeting an unusually high number of people who also work with Lucifer within the past few weeks and they’re always sharing awesome resources I’ve never seen. As soon as I start thinking about him long enough I’ll see something that I could use to work with him. I recently went to a trip to Nelson BC and picked up these Hermetic Tarot Cards. Also came to find out that the town has a SUSPICIOUS amount of occult imagery (and a Freemason temple? very cool.)

Life is one funny motherfucker.

I think it’s worth noting that before I started this ritual, when I was writing up invocations for him, I drew a card out of a box of oracle cards that reads “become willing to see the innocence in that which you condemn” which I found very baffling at the time because I was grappling with nerves around the ritual. I’m like a full time witch so I usually don’t get the jitters in rituals. Angels usually never make me nervous, and Lucifer in no way scares me. I don’t at all see him as an evil scary thing, quite the opposite, but I was raised extremely Christian so it’s ingrained in me. I was just having that split second satanic panic thing. I think that’s important to acknowledge. Lovely shadow work exposing my deep prejudices and insecurities :)

I began the ritual by drawing his sigil on the desk in white chalk. I had already prepared a candle carved with the sigil. I like to use this card from the Goetic Tarot whenever I do rituals with Lucifer because the artwork is so stunning. This was also the first time I was using these Hermetic Tarot cards and they were wonderful, probably one of my favourite decks now.

After some meditative exercises and prayers I layer back on the floor and listened to music for a while. I do all my rituals like this naked. I like to listen to classical music when I’m preparing to go into a trance because it tickles my brain and is easy to ride. Gets all the goo out? I don’t know.

After a while of that I switched it to the enns…

So, the Enns…

I started with Lucifer’s Enn by Demonic Enn. It filled my chest. It was powerful and intimidating and my heart was pounding. It was overwhelming for me. What I felt in it was power, but not the Lucifer I’m familiar with I guess. A different aspect of Lucifer that is mighty and strong but unfamiliar. Not my Lucifer.

((Honestly the instrumentals are top tier and I really could feel it’s power but the dude’s voice just threw me off. I’m sorry I don’t know if we’re allowed to leave reviews on enns but it just wasn’t my favourite.))

It scrambled the fuck out of me and it made me nervous again. I started to doubt myself and wondered if I was making a mistake. I know that sounds stupid but I was caught in the adrenaline. What if the Lucifer I’ve felt all this time isn’t what I thought? I know that everyone experiences him differently, but what if I’m reaching out to someone I don’t really understand? I know Lord Lucifer is an extremely powerful entity and I don’t wanna fuck around and do something stupid, yknow?

I sat for a moment and then asked my deck the first question of the ritual. “What advice can you give me to continue this ritual? Am I making a mistake?”

I got this Nine of Swords, Lord of Despair and Cruelty.

“The Nine of Swords suggests that dark thoughts and disturbing feelings are weighing you down. You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed and anxious. The more you associate with your fears, the more they will rule your life. The fear and worry in the Nine of Swords can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. As you obsess over what may go wrong, you are more likely to manifest your worst-case scenario.”

I was freaking myself out, and I needed to calm down. The jitters were holding me back and I needed to regain focus. Stop being a little bitch, basically. And idk… as soon as I read that card, I was calm again, and the energy felt warm. He needed me to preserve. I was safe with him, and he was guiding me through the darkness. If he is the Lucifer I know him to be, he will guide me well.

I tried one more enn which was Lucifer’s Enn by Carl Spartacus. Beautiful.

This is the most vivid trance I have ever been in. Like holy shit. I don’t know how best to describe this without sounding totally crazy. My body completely relaxed as I fell into the music. My face got warm, I felt embrace around my shoulders and chest. As soon as it began I saw a warm light emerge from the darkness behind my eyes. The familiar energy of the Lucifer I’ve come to know emerged. I felt close to him like I always had, it was like he was standing right before me. Like he could just reach out and touch me.

I emerged in shrubbery, I was surrounded by trees and bushes. As I turned to look into the clearing I saw a magnificent illuminating light. The energy was rich, so heavy I could reach out and grab it. I felt warmth blanket my entire body, and I began to drift from the ground and float towards him. If I didn’t know any better Id fucking swear I was levitating in the real world. It felt that real. His energy elevated and touched every part of my body and filled it with absolute bliss. There were others there, naked men and women surrounding him and singing, floating around him with laughter and glee. We were in a large stretch of field now, prancing around like children, the drum of his energy pounding like thunder and lifting us into the air. I didn’t know these people, if they were spirits or humans, but we were all in love with each other. We held hands and swung each other around. We were all so happy to be together.

Lucifer was a tall masculine energy with long black hair and deep, gentle, wise black eyes. Like all the others he was naked and seemed to glow. He took us all up and we drifted among the clouds. He danced with us, his smile was light itself.

This was all so vivid. I could feel the wind and heat on my skin. I got butterflies as we drifted. I actually felt like I was floating. Honestly I was high on it, maybe I still am.

And then, I felt my body sit forward, and I returned to our world. The candle which I had carved Lucifer’s sigil on stood tall and I could feel him within the flame. He whispered for me to come closer. It was then that I heard his voice. His smooth, gentle, careful voice. It was a whisper that washed over me like mist. Had I not been in such a high state of mind it would have scared the shit out of me.

He said in great vividness “Why have you come before me?” (Deal time!!!)

I replied simply that I wanted to know him. I said that I could not worship him, for I must worship myself. I seek him not for religion but because I have great love and reverence for him. Through magick we can connect and come to know each other. I hope only that he can show me how to be more like him. Powerful and dominant, warm and protective. He is beautiful, illuminating knowledge and purity. I want nothing more than to know him as one would know an old friend. Behold his energy, magnificent and splendid. May we dance together like we just did for as long as it serves us. He seemed very satisfied with that answer.

Lucifer commanded me to draw a card from the tarot deck, the question to which was essentially “will you take me as one of you kin, Lord Lucifer?”

I drew the Sun. Lord of the Fire of the World. Success, radiance and abundance. The Sun gives you strength and tells you that no matter where you go or what you do, your positive and radiant energy will follow you and bring you happiness and joy. This beautiful, warm energy is what will get you through the tough times and help you succeed.

We then spoke for a bit about fire and its ability to purify. It is a powerful force with the power to harm, but it is a mighty cleanser of impurity. He asked me to put my hand above the flame to feel it’s heat. I promised to always respect that flame. Allow it to burn away all that does not serve us, to never abuse it, to never try to control it. He kissed me on the forehead.

I was beyond happy. I offered him my smoky quarts and obsidian tower just to give him something, and when I did I saw him bow to me when he reached out to accept. I bowed back, and he bid me farewell for now. When I was finally completely out of the trance, his protective energy was still there. Actually it’s still everywhere, filling my altar. I can’t describe this feeling.

I can’t explain how rich and beautiful that energy was, how marvellous it felt to float in his orbit like that. The physical sensations were realer than reality. I’m still shaken. I feel ridiculously lucky which is a strange feeling I’ve never really had with a deity before. It’s so strong. aaa

I can’t bring myself to clean up the ritual lol.

Thanks for reading this holy fuck, I guess I’m a bit of a Luciferian now “

Ave the wondrous Lord Lucifer! ❤️🖤

[goldeneyedgirl]

Sonya! (Imagine, for a moment, that Tumblr Staff actually fixed the bug that means I have to screenshot and tag you @sonyawix for replies.) I missed you!

Jasper's just there realising that a couple of decades of training and practice with the Cullens was no match for a tiny teenage girl who looks at him like he's the second coming. She did more for his self-esteem in one night than anyone has done for him since he was human.

Jasper's softer in STL and his trauma has already been sorted, organised, and filed in his mental storage unit so he just has to simp over worry about Mary-Alice. Mary-Alice has the trauma conga-line but it gets pretty soft for both of them starting next chapter.

But it's why Jasper chapters are usually easier to write.

And listen, we all switch hyperfixations. I read a whole bunch of MCU fics that had Correct Vibes but Incorrect Takes, and beautililies had to stop me from writing MCU fic before I worked on Jalice fics. Also the idea I am carrying 70% of your Jalice experience is fucking wild. What do you want? I feel like I need to give you something because 2024 was not my most active year ever.

My little Mabel has recovered from the infections she had well, but decided to keep things interesting and acquired an ear infection which has since been upgraded to a double ear infection because what's more fun than a lot of credit card debt? Even more credit card debt! She is why I can only stare longing at Coach bags and not own fun stuff like that.

And honestly, I join you in solidarity that my sister and father are also Shitty Fucking People. Sometimes, people are rancid, and we just need to salute their bullshit and carry on our merry way.

It is law that if you bring up Anathema, I post something. I picked this scene WIP because Alice being a dramatic teenage girl is somehow so funny in my head? I can't wait to get to a scene where she's dramatic in front of Jasper and he's just "...you're adorable, you know that right?" And she's like, "absolutely not."

But for now, Alice makes a small scene.

“This is to never get back to the Clearwaters,” I could hear Freddie saying to Charlie Swan in a low voice. “Any of them. I trust you, Charlie.”

Charlie sighed. “Fred, I’ve known you a long time, and I don’t like this at all. What is so important you have to meet with them alone, without Sue and Billy knowing?"

Silence, and I was tempted to creep up the hallway to be able to hear better.

“… This is about Alice and her well-being. If… I have reason to believe that if Sue, Harry, and Billy knew more about Alice’s … health and genetic make-up, they would be deeply unhappy."

That was most likely an understatement. I had a feeling that if Sue found out that I was biologically half-vampire, I would be persona-non-grata in the Clearwater household. There was a fifty-percent chance that Harry would hunt me for sport, honestly. His aim with a shotgun was second-to-none.

//

Dr Cullen had brought his wife, and there was something almost funny seeing them in our home - they were both dressed in very stiff, fancy clothing, standing in the entrance looking awkward. I was in the kitchen finishing the washing up in pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt; both Freddie and Charlie were still wearing work clothing.

The apartment was still mostly in the late 60s style from when it was built. Lots of brown and yellow. Freddie always intended to renovate, but we never seemed to get around to it - moving all the books would take us days, and we’d have to stay downstairs. It was cozy up here, and if we made any changes, it would be to clean out the third floor.

“Hello Alice.” Mrs Cullen smiled so warmly at me, but I felt oddly shy, offering a little wave as I put plates back into the cupboard.

“Turn on the coffee maker, love, before you go,” Freddie said, and I got the message that this wasn’t going to be a meeting I was included in. I wasn’t upset about that; somehow Dr and Mrs Cullen were far and away more intimidating than Jasper was. Somehow the golden eyes and the pale skin that looked so right on him made me nervous around them.

Thankfully, Dulcie was having dinner with her brother’s family tonight. It meant we could have this meeting at home and she’d probably bring home left-over dessert. Hopefully that really good blueberry donut thing that Mrs Stanley usually made for Dulcie’s birthday.

It also meant that whilst I had been told I wouldn’t be joining in on the meeting today, there was no one in the house that would check to make sure I was wearing headphones and watching movies on my laptop instead of eavesdropping for all I was worth. And in my defence, I had to know what Freddie was telling everyone so I didn’t mess up the story later on. It was just planning ahead.

//

“He can read minds?” I shrieked, giving myself away instantly.

Charlie Swan swore, sloshing his coffee in surprise, as the rest of them spun around to look at me in the hallway.

“Alice,” Freddie groaned but I didn’t care that I would be doing extra cleaning this week or whatever as punishment.

A girl’s mind is private. There are things happening up there that die with me, okay?

Things like me contemplating the logistics of having sex on a gurney now that I’d met Jasper and realised he was a foot and a half taller than me, and probably 100lb heavier.

Or the fact that whilst my visions hadn’t been instructional, so to speak, they had given me a certain amount of reference material to reflect on. I might never have been a Girl Scout, but I do like to be prepared.

And the idea that one of the Cullens could mind-read and had probably told the entire family that a good fifty-percent of my brain power was solely dedicated to what I had seen of Jasper’s body in my vision at any time was… not ideal. Not at all how I planned to integrate myself into their lives. I was aiming for lovable future daughter-in-law, not mouth-breathing creeper.

“Edward considers the contents of everyone’s mind private, unless harm would result in keeping it secret,” Mrs Cullen quickly reassured me. Please. I had seen Leah and Seth together; I knew what siblings were like. There was no way in hell that Jasper hadn't been informed that I had absolutely noticed he was ripped when he helped me up.

“I’m taking a lot of emotional damage learning this,” I said slightly hysterically. “Can he hear everything?”

“Only when he’s present.” Was Dr Cullen laughing at me? He looked amused.

“Alice,” Freddie sounded tired. “There are brownies in the downstairs freezer if you want some dessert.”

Huh. It was bad if Freddie was bribing me with the catering supplies.

“That would help,” I said, trying to walk through the kitchen to get a knife with some kind of dignity. “You understand why I would be uncomfortable with a teenage boy reading my mind, right?”

“I think we’re all on the same page about that,” Charlie said. He didn’t look amused.

"Alice, I really don't think there's anything in your head that Edward Cullen would worry about," Freddie said, obviously trying to sound comforting and mostly made me want to slam my head against a wall.

"I've had unmonitored access to the internet since I was eleven and no boyfriend! Or girlfriend! There's plenty up there I don't want Jasper's brother knowing!" I snatched up the cake knife and looked over to see Freddie looking like he needed a drink, Charlie Swan looking the most uncomfortable I had ever seen him - and that included the ass-injury incident - and Mrs Cullen trying very unsuccessfully not to laugh at me.

"And now I've made it worse. I'm calling Cynthia!"

It's not the fact that my father was a vampire that makes me a freak. I manage to do that all by myself.

[rontra]

Do the chess moves translate into your OCs’ world btw. Are they normal humans or made in some kinda substance. Do Kaitlin and Erin ever interact and if so what’s the situation there

YAYYY MORE OC QUESTIONS TEEHEE thank u! letssee... oh god it's another long post 😭😂

chess moves NOT SO MUCH because in the setup we've got here its really hard to incorporate something like that beyond like. the vaguest gestures hahaha maybe if the magic system was more tangible and active we could play with stuff like that, but as the setting is right now there's not that much to work with in-depth. much as i might dream

(like you can give the rook a bow and say its because it attacks in a straight line from far away but beyond that its like...well... MDSJHBBG)

they are normal humans made of normal human stuff, much as they might wish otherwise at times. the magic in their world governs the structure and laws of reality and doles out punishments when said laws are breached. it's not really a magic Powers system as much as it's a magic Penalty system. this means that almost everyone (with a few exceptions) is just like a normal human being with no special powers or attributes, but the world itself will retaliate by magic if its tenets are breached. basically it's a nightmare and everybody hates it

(the main exception is people from outside this reality, like kaitlin and aster, who sit somewhere in the middle: right above ordinary humans, but very far beneath the Unseen Structure(tm) that holds the world together. they are subject to the same retaliatory destruction as everybody else, but they often have some degree of supernatural commanding force that beings belonging to this world find difficult to resist. ethical implications are Very Dire and basically aster wants kaitlin to use that power in her final duel so that the guy she's killing won't be able to defend himself. kaitlin uh does not want to do that to be honest with you!)

👆 this all is kind of important for your last question. when kaitlin first shows up in this world she's actually in alabaster, where erin is queen. so she's delivered to erin after some hijinks and they meet very early on in the story. their backstories and general personality inclinations have some pretty serious comparison points actually, but this isn't something they realize until wayyyy later (if at all)--they have a lot in common to compare and contrast. tbh they're foils but what else is new am i right. anyway;

erin is the first person kaitlin uses her command powers on, by accident, and they both hate it and it sucks very badly. kaitlin presses her to answer a question and erin has to obey and they're both understandably very freaked out by the whole thing. this direct confrontation with kaitlin's power is part of why erin is immediately like. "Oh It's OVER Over". it was erin's first time being directly exposed to this kind of magic--but she immediately felt how strong it was and understood what aster is planning to use it for (total crush victory)

erin and kaitlin do not really ... like each other very much after this and remain very wary of each other (kaitlin is very intimidated by erin but also feels guilty for what she did to her, erin sees her as a representation of aster's win/their upcoming confrontation + obviously does not feel great about having her free will messed with even if it was accidental). kaitlin is very timid and can't fully conceptualize how deeply uneasy she makes erin after their first meeting, because in her mind erin is very strong and unreadable and scary 😭 which is very fun to me personally

for a long time after that whenever they're forced to interact, erin defaults to treating kaitlin very like. detached, perfunctory, polite but not Friendly. and kaitlin is scared of her. LMAO

however they both have close ties with aster and aren't truly "enemies" either, especially as kaitlin starts to get her feet under her and push back against the less savory parts of aster's schemes. it's very obvious that erin never believed kaitlin would be anything more than aster's pawn, so when kaitlin finds her own opinions and starts rejecting things she doesn't like, it's kind of a change in her relationship with erin too. they start actually trusting each other as allies and people yknow. the "these assholes keep saving each other via ruining each others lives" cycle does absolutely include kaitlin rekindling erin's hope that things can be different (after first ruining her life w/ the IT'S OVER!! day). love world 🫶

also once theyre more comfortable with each other its very funny that aster's wife and gf(?) are hanging out talking shit about her 😭the relationships chart in this story is so.......................