#but it has truly been a fight just to stay seated every day at work and not be on the floor

[hearts4renaa]

YOU'RE LOSING ME.

summary: how the love began to die out between you and them. featuring kamisato ayato, alhaitham, diluc, and zhongli. gn! reader (see a/n below) pt. 2 here w/c: 2.1k words in total a/n: inspired by the new vault track from midnights by taylor swift. meant to be a gender neutral reader but one of the lyrics i reference uses "her". otherwise, no pronouns used.

And I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her.

“I’ll be entering an arranged marriage to the daughter of another clan.” Ayato said matter of factly, as if it was as casual as discussing the weather. Today was the off day Ayato had free. He’s been so busy the past month that he barely has time for you. You can’t even remember the last time the two of you woke up together. He always slept late and woke up earlier than you. The affection was rarely there too; The usual loving kisses and cuddles were reduced to pecks on the cheek and pats on the arm. This was one of the rare times you were actually able to sit down with him. 

The air was tense, almost impossible to breathe in. What was supposed to be a romantic dinner quickly turned sour the moment Ayato announced a piece of news you never wanted to hear. “I’ll be meeting her in two weeks. I’m expecting the marriage ceremony to take place within the next three months or so.” He wasn’t looking at you, instead more focused on the food in front of him. Your chopsticks fall from your hands, the clatter piercing the silence between you two. Ayato looks at you, completely deadpanned. You take the moment to really, truly look at him. His expression was standoffish, and his eyes were dispassionate. Just where did that loving gaze go? “What?” He asks.

“Ayato, you can’t just expect me to be happy about this.” You huff in frustration, picking up your chopsticks and setting them down in a proper manner. “When you accepted the proposal, did you just forget about our relationship? About me?” 

Ayato rolled his eyes and sighed. “You’re acting like I declared undying love for her. I’m simply doing what’s best for the clan, and for Inazuma as a whole.” He puts down his chopsticks as well, clearly not focused on eating anymore. “It’s not like I’m ending things with you. Marrying her opens many opportunities I can’t pass on.”

“You’re not ending things with me, but you’re just gonna go off and marry some girl?” Your heart broke a little more with every word. If someone were to listen closely, they could probably hear each individual crack. “Ayato, our relationship has already been wavering a little…you’re so busy. It’s like you just can’t fit me into your schedule.” Your eyes start to become glossy, and you need to swallow back your tears to fight against them falling. “How can I expect us to stay together when you need to make room for two spouses now? I thought love meant more to you than business did.” Your voice cracked with every syllable that fell from your lips.

Ayato stood up from his seat on the floor, adjusting his sleeves and beginning to make his way to the door. He slides it open before stopping in place. “Marrying her has a lot to offer.” He speaks, but he isn’t even looking at you.

“And I don’t?” You ask. You didn’t even know if you wanted the answer to that. Luckily for you, he didn’t answer at all. He looked back at you from over his shoulder. He takes a breath, and you feel as if he’s stealing the air straight out of your lungs. He turns his head back and sighs. He steps forward, leaving the room. 

The door shuts, and you are left in silence.

And I’m fading, thinking: Do something babe, say something.

With Alhaitham being appointed as Acting Grand Sage, it’s only natural that his workload for the Akademiya would increase. However, if there’s one thing that Alhaitham truly hates, it’s when unnecessary work piles up and begins to leak into his personal life, like a bucket overflowing with water. A work-life balance can only go so far before work begins to completely tilt the scale in its favor. Naturally, this takes away from time the two of you could spend together.

Normally, that would be completely fine with you. You knew Alhaitham was a busy man with a busy lifestyle. It’s completely reasonable for him to not throw aside his work just for you. Alhaitham always tries to make time for you, to show you his affection in small ways that don’t take up too much time. Either with tea he makes for you before he leaves for work, small trinkets that begin to appear on your bedside table, or a hushed declaration of love when he accidentally wakes you up when he rises early. But recently, his efforts have been slowly dwindling. You no longer wake up to the smell of tea. You no longer reach over to your nightstand in a sleepy haze, only to feel an object that was not there before. You no longer hear an “I love you” amongst the sound of your bedsheets ruffling in the early hours of the morning.

Of course, you noticed. So you took it amongst yourself to try and do something to express your love. You usually go to sleep before him, but here you are in the living room, waiting for him to return. It’s already quite late, and you fight back a yawn every twenty minutes or so, but you’re determined to stay awake to greet him. The smell of his favorite food wafts in from the kitchen, and you smile while thinking of his reaction. You might not be a Michelin star chef, but you pour love into everything you make him.

Finally, the door opens, and there he is. His eyes are tired, and an annoyed expression is etched onto his face. “Hey, honey.” You shoot up from your seat to greet him at the door. His head snaps in your direction slightly, not expecting you to still be awake. He lets out a little grunt as a response. You can tell he’s in a bad mood, but you keep pushing. “You’re home late.” You state before realizing how you pointed out the painfully obvious.

“I always am.” His voice is monotone, cold. He walks straight past you, barely even sparing you a glance.

Your hope begins to falter, but you try again. “Are you hungry? I made you dinner.” You reach your hand out to lightly touch his. He pulls his hand away with no hesitation. You feel the familiar sting deep in your stomach, and you try your best to ignore it. You clear your throat as if to rid the moment of his past action before speaking again. “Then, maybe we could eat together-”

He groans aloud. “Can you just be quiet?” He snaps. His voice wasn’t angry. It wasn’t filled with love or hate. It was indifference, and in all honesty, that hurt so much more. “I’m exhausted. The last thing I need today is you nagging me.” 

You falter, as if you were shrinking away in a desperate attempt to try and disappear. “Right.” Your voice is quiet, meek. “Of course.” You turn away to walk into the kitchen, and you hear your shared bedroom door slam shut. You sit at the dinner table, gazing at the untouched meals on the opposite ends. Your hand moves to touch the spoon and stir it around in the food, but any outsider could tell that you have no intention of eating a single bite. 

For the rest of the night, you sit there alone as the food goes cold.

Lose something babe, risk something. (You’re losing me.)

If there’s one thing Diluc strives to do, it’s protect you. He lost his father already, he can’t risk losing you too. It brings him peace to know that you’re safe at Dawn Winery, away from things that can bring you harm. But even though he is protective, it’s not as though he keeps you locked inside the house. He knows of your adventurous spirit and he would never want to hurt you. However, he has a habit of being a little paranoid. The people of Mondstadt are aware of your relationship, but he rarely lets the two of you be seen together. He prefers things quite private, but you’re starting to get a little sick of it.

You just returned from a small commission; it’s been ages since you’ve done one. It felt so refreshing to wield your weapon and go on a mini adventure! Even if it was just a few slimes near Windrise, the experience was one you haven’t had in far too long. You end up with a small cut on your hand, but you look at it in pride as you walk back to the winery. You open the heavy door, and you’re met with the face of your lover.

“Y/N, where were you?” Diluc’s question is loud, his voice laced in concern. A second barely passes, and he’s already by your side. He catches sight of your hand and cages it in his larger ones. “Why is your hand hurt?”

You shake him off lightly, heading to the couch to set your things down. “I took a small commission.” You explain. “Just a little group of slimes. My hand got cut, but I’m okay. Don’t worry about it!” You attempt to reassure him, but the crease in his eyebrows doesn't go away.

“Y/N, how many times have I told you?” Diluc scolded. He folds his arms over his chest. “You don’t need to take commissions. I provide for us enough already.”

Your eyes roll before you can stop them. You can feel your frustration rise inside you. “I didn’t take the commission for the money, Diluc.” You huff at him. “I wanted an adventure, even if it was a small one. It’s the experience I wanted.”

Diluc scoffs. “Oh, so getting hurt is an enjoyable experience for you?” Diluc never had the most friendly tone, but you’d have to be truly clueless to miss the sarcasm weaved into his words.

“By the Seven, Diluc, it was a cut!” You exclaim. “All of this over a cut?”

He looks you in the eyes. “You know I just want you to be safe.”

Your eyes softened slightly, biting your lip. “But Diluc, you play it too safe sometimes.” You grab your weapons and bag again, adjusting your jacket before heading towards the door. Despite just getting home, you felt the need to get away, to cool off. Maybe to kill some other monsters, you weren’t sure.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Out.” You respond curtly. You weren’t sure of your destination, but you didn’t care. You just needed to be away from him.

“Y/N-“ He called out. You cut him off by slamming the heavy winery doors.

Choose something babe, I’ve got nothing to believe, unless you’re choosing me.

“I love you.” Zhongli murmured, knuckles turning white with how hard he was gripping his pole arm. He towered over you, who was on the ground in a pool of blood. The metallic smell was hard to ignore. “I love you, I truly do. And I always will.”

You laugh bitterly. “You love me, and you caused my injury.” You use your hand to weakly gesture towards your torso. “Some love you have…”

Zhongli grips his weapon even harder. He digs the heels of his feet into the group as an effort to ground himself. He knew that if he were to take a single step, he’d run to you, and he’s not sure if he can stop himself. He takes a breath to calm himself, and every breath of air he breathes makes him wish he could breathe that same life into you instead. “It’s for my nation.” He says as calmly as he can. Oh, how he wished he could run to you, kiss you, and heal you. He continues with bated breath. “You know I cherish my nation.”

You cough, blood splattering out. “More than you cherish me?” You ask weakly. “More than you cherish us?”

Zhongli’s eyes soften with sadness. “Yes…more than I cherish you, my love.”

You sigh, suddenly feeling the fatigue hit you like a truck. You’re so tired. So, so tired. You voice out your thoughts. “I’m exhausted, Zhongli.” Your voice is weak, along with your body.

“I’m sorry.” He says before facing away from you. He can’t bear to look at you in this state. He can’t bear to see what he’s done to you. He takes slow steps away, using all his willpower to not turn around and run to your side.

“I love you, Zhongli.” You call out.

He takes one final look. “I love you too, dearest.”

A sad, soft smile etches itself onto your face. Your eyelids droop, and eventually, they flutter closed. Zhongli stares at you sadly. His weapon drops to the ground, making a loud clatter. The silence is deafening. He peers at your lifeless body before closing his eyes. “You’ll always be my favorite story.” He whispers.

A single tear falls from his eyes.

[coff33andb00ks]

LANDO + 36 AHHH 🤍

36: unconsciously searching out each other’s hand while sleeping

driver + number = drabble/short fic <3

Lando is clingy. Not in a bad way, it's actually endearing how much he craves physical touch. It doesn't matter what's going on, he needs to feel you. He's a hugger, a hand holder, an arm around your shoulder, head in your lap on movie night, thighs touching in the back seat, and though it can sometimes be annoying you love it. It's like he knows that each touch - the hand squeezes, every hug, each time he leans against you, all the big and little touches throughout the day - he knows that it heals the scared girl you keep locked inside you.

You love it, truly. But...

Lando's also hot. In the attractive sense yes of course, but also temperature wise. He's a furnace and still chooses to dress in hoodies and sweaters and jackets like he's freezing. You can handle it during the day - mainly because he can't cling to you and always has to do some work - but at night it's torture. Or it was. Until you finally told him you couldn't fully sleep in his arms all night or you'd roast alive. Since you'd told him at three in the morning, sweating and standing in front of the fan, he hadn't acted hurt or asked if you even loved him. He'd apologized and asked if he could at least hold you until you were almost asleep.

Compromise? In this economy? You'd agreed, and in the weeks since you've been able to sleep without worrying you'd be smothered by his heat.

He holds you and doesn't fight you when you wiggle away for your space. Sometimes you wake up to his leg over yours or his hand on your chest or his face in your neck but it's not hard to wriggle into a more comfortable position. And you make sure he gets plenty of cuddles and hugs when you're awake.

He's obviously tired as you get ready for bed and you know he's worn out. He doesn't talk about his occasional insomnia much but you know it's there, lurking and waiting for a time he needs as much rest as he can get before it rears its ugly head again. As you get into bed he sighs and reaches for you.

"Are we getting boring?" He mumbles the words against the back of your neck, his nose pressed in your hair.

"How do you mean?" you ask, grunting as his arms tighten around you, his body curling closer.

"S'posed to be putting my kids in you."

You roll your eyes. It's been his goal since you became official and he realized that his occasional fuckboy tendencies weren't going to scare you off. "It's fine baby, you can do it in the morning."

"M'just tired," he mumbles. "Still wanna fuck you though."

"I know. Go to sleep, you can do it later."

"K." He kisses your neck and wriggles closer. Until you think he wasn't joking the time he said he wished he could crawl under your skin and stay.

You read for a while, until his breathing evens and you feel him relax fully, his arm heavy over you. The heat is overwhelming and you carefully slide free, switching off the lamp while he rolls away with a sleepy groan. And you know for sure that he's exhausted because in the time it takes you to fall asleep he doesn't wiggle close again.

You dream about the kids he keeps saying he wants to put in you. Beautiful little babies with his eyes and messy hair that wreak havoc in the best way just like their dad. And in your dream you think to yourself that having his kids wouldn't be so bad...

When you awake he's still on the other side of the bed. His face is pushed into the pillow and despite the gentle snoring and sheet marks on his cheek he's still adorable to you. His arm is stretched towards you and as you become aware of your body you see his hand.

Clutching yours.

Fingers intertwined, thumb hooked over yours, his knuckles white. He's clinging to your hand like it's a lifeline and oh, you feel guilty for telling him you didn't want him holding you all night. You can tell his hand searched for yours - his arm is twisted in the sheet and yours is too And you wonder if he was able to even sleep properly until he was holding onto you, or if it had been a blind search in the night by both of you, because you know deep down your body craves his touch as much as he craves yours.

With your free hand you untangle the sheets and he stirs. And while he reaches for you with his other arm and pulls you close he's still asleep, still clutching your hand. You never want him to let go.

[goingmerryfics]

Sitting in their lap while they’re not paying attention - w/ Law, Luffy, & Kid

Content: Gender neutral reader

Notes* Thinking about doing a NSFW part of this.. perhaps..

Part 1 2 3 4

Law

Sure, he’s not paying attention at the moment. But years of dealing with Penguin and Shachi’s antics have made him hyper aware to anyone’s bullshittery

Usually, as soon as anyone would start to inch towards him, he’d look up from whatever he was doing and warn the person to knock off whatever they were planning and pay attention

But this time, the combination of being exhausted from more lack of sleep than usual and being so passionate about the subject matter he was trying to relay to you, you managed to pull it off

Slowly, you inched towards him as he rambled on, lowered yourself into his lap, and he didn’t even flinch. All he did was move the research paper he was reading off of so he could still see it

You were seated comfortably, sideways across his lap, one arm around his shoulders to keep you steady. Success.

His free hand rests on your back as he continues. He doesn’t notice for a few seconds more, until he glances towards you for a moment

He freezes. His words cut off, and he starts to quickly go red

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You don’t see him complaining, though

He demands for you to get off of him and quite messing around, but he won’t make a move to push you off. Nor do you feel his hand move off of your back

You tell him to go on, that you’re still listening

He’s too tired to fight with you and, truthfully, he wants to call you on your bluff

So he continues to explain his medical research to you, stopping every now and then to quiz you and ask you something about what he’d just read, or about your own theories

It’s actually a very insightful conversation, and he’s kind of pissed about it

Why do you focus better when you’re being a menace?

Once he’s through though, he does start to gently shove you off

“Alright, get out. I have things to do.”

As soon as you’re gone he leans back and lets out a hefty sigh

You’ll kill him with your antics one day

Luffy

Don’t try it during a meal. Yeah, it’s one of the only times this ball of energy is seated and not bouncing around, but he will shove you away and continue stuffing his face

Best time to try this is when he’s settling down for the day, about to head off to bed

Especially because he’s even more cuddly than usual when he’s ready to sleep

He’ll be hanging out in the boy’s cabin when you enter, they’re all chatting and laughing about something from the last island they stopped at, and the only person that really pays attention when you head straight for Luffy’s lap is Zoro, because nothing gets past him

Sanji doesn’t notice until you’re already in his lap, and he cooes at you to come sit in his lap instead

“What? No! They chose me! Get your own person!”

Luffy’s arms extend and wrap around you a couple times, effectively trapping you there with him, no way to move your arms or anything lower than your shoulders. Not that you mind, of course

Luffy’s always been extra affectionate, whether his intention be platonically or romantically. Hugging, kissing people’s cheeks, holding hands, the works

He pulls you right up to his chest and continues the conversation, your face comfortably resting on him

You can feel the vibration of his chest when he laughs

He’s warm. It’s comforting

If you thought this was a short-term deal, you’d be wrong. He doesn’t want to let you go now that he has your comfort, and you’ll stay in his arms well into the night

At least he pulls up a blanket when he notices you starting to fall asleep

“Aw, already dozing off? But we were having so much fun!”

He doesn’t try to keep you awake, though. You fall asleep against his chest, and sleep peacefully into morning

Kid

There are only two ways you’re going to be able to do this

Either he is truly distracted, or you think he’s distracted and he notices, but he’s just amused to watch you do it

In the first scenario, he would be at his workstation, fixing up his arm. Making some adjustments after noticing that it’s getting a bit loose in places

As long as everything is going the way he needs it to- fixing something is difficult with one arm -he’ll be calm enough not to completely toss you for trying to distract him

Keep talking to him and he won’t notice. He can only focus on so much

You let him know that you brought him a snack and something to drink, and he grunts in response. Good, he’s got all his attention in one spot

You put the plate and the cup down somewhere that Kid will be able to reach it but not knock it over accidentally, and quickly slide into his lap while going off about some updates on what the crew is up to in his absence

He shifts where he needs to so he can keep working without you in the way, which ends up with you facing him, gripping his shoulders to keep you steady

The minute you have nothing more to say, he very suddenly starts to shout

“The hell do ya think you’re doing, idiot!?”

Hop off and run for your life, because he tosses his whole arm your way while blushing as bright as his hair

On the other hand, if you crawl into his lap while and he notices, he won’t speak a word but he’ll watch your every move

You think you’ve gotten away with it

You ramble on and on about whatever comes to mind, but short by a pair of large hands around your waist and his breath tickling your neck

You stumble over your words, blush rising to your cheeks

“Go on, you wanted my attention, right? I’m listening.”

He makes it a tradition that you have to come sit in his lap for your daily reports. he loves seeing your flustered face as you try to remember all the information you needed to tell him, directly to his stupid, smug face

[r3dcherri3s]

Between Duty and Love

pairing: Kate Bishop x fem! reader

warnings: angst, arguing(?) reader gets mad, fluff at the end (I think that’s it? let me know if I missed something! This is my first time posting here</3)

word count: 921

summary: Kate has been spending all her time at work and has been accidentally ignoring y/n.

——————————————————————————-

Kate Bishop sat at her desk, surrounded by the remnants of her latest mission. Papers scattered, her laptop screen glowed with reports, and her phone buzzed incessantly with notifications. Kate took a moment to rub her tired eyes before diving back into the pile of paper work on her desk. It was another late night of fighting off random criminals, and going back to the compound to finish up stacks of paperwork.

Meanwhile, in the shared apartment that she and her girlfriend shared, the air hung heavy with tension. The clock struck midnight, and the front door slowly creaked open, revealing her girlfriend on the other side of the door, Y/N, with a look of frustration etched on her face.

"Kate," Y/N said, her voice tight with anger.

"You promised you'd be home hours ago. What happened?" Kate looked up, guilt written across her features. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, babe. There was just this last-minute thing I had to take care of but this is important, Y/N.” Kate breathed in. “There's been a surge in criminal activity, and the team needs me—"

Y/N interrupted, her voice rising, frustration boiled over, the pent-up emotions finally bursting forth. "The team always needs you, Kate! But what about us? What about our plans? Every time we try to spend time together, you're off on some mission or buried in work."

Kate's heart sank as she realized the toll her actions were taking on their relationship. "I'm trying to keep the city safe, Y/N. You know that." Her eyebrows furrowed as she huffed out.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stood still, the anger and hurt swirling inside you like a tempest. "I need someone who's here for me, not somebody who’s constantly gone. I can't keep living like this. I’m going to stay with a friend for awhile."

Kate's heart sank as she watched you turn away, the pain in your voice cutting through her like a knife. "Wait, Y/N, please. Let's talk about this."

But you were already halfway to the door, your footsteps echoing in the empty apartment. With a heavy heart, Kate sank back into her chair, the weight of your words bearing down on her like a crushing weight.

Days turned into weeks, the silence between you and Kate stretching on like an endless abyss. Each passing moment only served to deepen the rift between you, the pain of your separation a constant ache in both your hearts.

Alone in your friends apartment, you couldn't shake the memories of your time together. The laughter, the shared moments of intimacy, the feeling of being truly seen and understood. But alongside those memories lurked the pain of feeling abandoned.

Unable to bear the weight of your emotions any longer, you made a decision.

You made your way to the Avengers headquarters, where Kate had been spending most of her time lately. The familiar sight of the towering building filled you with a sense of apprehension, but you pushed forward anyways. As you approached a familiar office, you could hear the muffled sound of voices from within. With a hesitant knock, you pushed open the door, stepping into the dimly lit room.

Kate's eyes widened in surprise as she caught sight of you, her expression a mix of hope and trepidation as she quickly shot up from her seat and made her way towards you. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

Taking a deep breath, you squared your shoulders, steeling yourself for the conversation ahead. "I came to talk, Kate. I’m sorry." For a moment, silence hung heavy in the air. You continued speaking. “I know this job means a lot to you, I know what I signed up for when we started dating..”

Then, with a resigned sigh, Kate gestured for you to take a seat next to her.

The words poured from your lips like a rushing river, the pent-up emotions finally finding release. You spoke of your hurt and your anger, of feeling neglected and unimportant in Kate's life. But beneath it all, there was a thread of love and longing, a desperate hope that things could still be salvaged between you.

Kate listened in silence, her expression pained as she took in your words. And when you were finally spent, she reached out, taking your hand in hers.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I never meant to ignore you. I've been so caught up with work that I didn’t realize I was hurting you.” Tears welled up in Kate's eyes as she spoke, the weight of her words hanging heavy in the air.

With a shaky breath, you reached out, cupping Kate's face in your hands. "I love you, Kate. But we can't keep living like this. We need to find a balance to make time for each other."

A flicker of hope lit up Kate's eyes as she leaned in, pressing her forehead against yours. "I promise, Y/N. From now on, I'll make sure to balance my job and to spend time with you.”

You smiled softly and pressed your lips against Kate’s, which she happily accepted.

-

As the days passed, Kate kept true to her promise. She made a conscious effort to prioritize your relationship, carving out time in her busy schedule for you. Whether it was a quiet dinner at home, a simple stroll in the park, or simply curling up together on the couch to watch a movie. Kate made sure that you felt loved and cherished.

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AAAA sorry this was short 🙏

[lure-of-writing]

Such a Joy

Summary: you are truly such a joy when sick but its a good think Cassian loves you

word count:1.4 k

Authors note: Hi guys! It's been so long since I've written last so if this is terrible please be nice but anyways I look forward to seeing what you have to say and please don't hesitate to send in any request!

Everyone loved to tease Cassian by calling him a brute, which isn’t exactly wrong, but it also wasn’t often when Cassian's brains were also acknowledged. But he must admit in this instance it was half his brain power and half of the mating bond that alerted him to your apparent demise. Well that is according to you of course. 

Having been with you for so long Cassian should have known better than to believe you when you said you were dying and wouldn’t survive the night. Your over the top theatrics have yet to not phase him anymore. How he survives that heart palpitations when you say you're on the verge of death every other week truly beats him.  

Yesterday you were in the kitchen in the house of wind making not only yourself breakfast but you were also making breakfast for the two oversized bats that wandered around the house free of charge. In your opinion they should be charged for all the disruption to your peaceful midday reading they do. Yet Rhysand never fails to remind you that one of those oversized bats is your mate. 

Cassian sat in his usual seat at the kitchen bar while watching you make breakfast when all of a sudden you were having a coughing fit that according to you had you “Fighting for your life” as you told him while his was rubbing your back in soothing motions and giving you a glass of water to drink in hopes of getting rid of whatever had irritated your throat. After a few minutes you returned to cooking the buffet sized breakfast when all of a sudden you were sneezing repeatedly and had to step away from the stove while Azriel took over. 

Azriel watched as Cassian fussed over you while you tried to swat him away from you stating “I am fine you mother hen. You two must have dragged something back in here after training yesterday and it's irritating me. I will be just fine.”  

“Are you sure sweetheart? It isn’t like you to cough and sneeze like this. Are you sure you're ok?” Looking up to your mate you give him a sweet smile and a gentle kiss on the lips in hopes of showing him you were fine. “I’m sure I will be ok. Now you two eat your breakfast and you have a long day ahead of you.” Little did you know by mid day you would be curled up in about ten different blankets, a bowl of long forgotten soup and a cup of lukewarm tea that was cooling down as the minutes pass of you not drinking it. 

The headache raging a war inside your skull mixed with your fluctuating fever that is accompanied by body aches, a stuffed nose and a cough that leaves you breathless has made any of your items chosen to help aid you back to health hard to consume especially when you are unable to move without every joint in your body hurting. 

That is how Azriel and Cassian found you later that night on the couch after returning from work. Your mate was instantly in front of your sleeping form gently pressing his hands against your forehead and cheeks to feel for a fever. Cassian knew just from the look of you that you did in fact have a fever but it made him feel just the tiniest bit better being able to touch you and make sure for himself that you are ok. Slowly you peek your eyes open at him “I think i'm dying” is all you got out in a raspy voice before you had another coughing fit. Cassian was quick to pull you up into a sitting position and rub your back while you managed to get out through random coughs that you were sure you were going to cough up a lung. For being high fae you sure did have a weakened immune system so when you were coughing this morning Cassian should have known better than to believe you. If he had trusted his instinct Cassian would have stayed and helped curve whatever sickness you had adopted for the time being until you felt better. He watched as you sighed a breath of relief and took a slip of the long forgotten tea you had made yourself earlier that morning. “Baby you are not dying and you are definitely not going to cough up a lung.” Cassian once again watched as you took another sip before glaring at him “And how can you be so certain of that?” 

Listen Cassian loves you more than he loves anything else in this world, he would give up his life in order to keep you safe. He would not trade your relationship for anything but, when you get sick you get sassier than normal, more emotional than normal and overall become a big pain in his ass. With that said there will never be a day where he doesn’t take care of you, it's just sometimes you give him a hard time while doing so. And listen he may not get sick nearly as often as you do but he has basically been gutted and he didn’t have nearly as much attitude as you do when sick. 

“I can be so certain because you say that every time you get sick and yet you still have both lungs and you haven’t died yet.”  Cassian soothingly pushes your hair away from your face while you readjust your mountain of blankets and grumble under your breath causing Cassian to smile. 

He didn’t need his stronger than most hearing to know you just agreed with what he said. While Cassian was busy helping you fix your soon to be unnecessary amount of blankets, Azriel made some fresh soup and tea that was ready and waiting for your consumption. Cassian pulled the table closer to the couch you sat on before sitting down on it and grabbing the bowl of soup to hand feed you. “I don’t need to be fed like a child Cassian.” at the sound of his name and not a nickname your mate knew what kind of sick patient you would be until you recovered back to full health and it was not a fun one. “If I don’t feed you then you won’t eat anything for days on end and then you won’t get better and you will be sick for longer making you more irritated and thus the cycle will continue.” 

You could hear Azriels chuckle from the kitchen while you stared at your very dotting mate. “I’m not even hungry.” Your mate sighs while staring at you “I know sweetheart but you need to eat something.” Once again he is met with resistance “I will when I’m hungry, plus I don’t need to feed like I'm some child.”  Cassian sets the bowl down on the table next to him before grabbing your hands after trying to find them under what he assumes is every blanket in the house. “Baby I know you aren’t hungry but after being your mate for three hundred years I think I have a pretty good idea of how to take care of you when you are sick. So please let me take care of you.” Cassian could tell you were not budging so he brought out his last resort. Himself. “Y/n please. If the roles were reversed and I was the one who was sick you would do the exact same thing. You're my mate. I don't like seeing you like this and I just want to make you feel better. You're my whole world and if anything happened to you just because you wouldn’t let me help I wouldn't be able to live with myself. So please baby let me help you.” Finally Cassian could see your resolve slipping and reluctantly you agreed to let him take care of you. 

Without a second thought Cassian grabbed the bowl that was next to him and was blowing off the hot soup before feeding it to you. After he convinced you to eat all of the soup and drink some of the tea you had fallen back to sleep in his short journey to the kitchen and back. 

Azriel observed as his brother gently scooped up your sleeping body and quietly walked down the hallway to your shared bedroom with his brother. Finally when he heard the bedroom door close Azriel let out another laugh because you made sure to give Cassian a run for his money with how you acted when you were sick. But he knew Cassian would always stay right by your side even when you were such a joy while sick.

[hypersonic04]

New Year's Day

hello everyone! I hope you all love this one as much as I do - it doesn't really align with the song and it's vibe, but i love it nonetheless and was smiling and kicking my feet the whole time i was writing this. i also just wanted to say thank you so, so much for all of the love and support you've all given me on not only these fics, but the teacher ross blurbs I've been writing in response to your asks! i truly am so grateful and you're all so lovely. thank you thank you thank you. enjoy new year's day!

word count: 2,225

November. Arguably the worst month of the year to end a twelve-month-long relationship. Well, twelve months, three weeks and five days. 31st December, also arguably the worst day of the year to be feeling particularly sad about said relationship.

Your boots trudge in the snow as you hold the shopping bag tightly. Your scarf is slipping from your neck, bag probably splitting from the ungodly amount of cheap wine it's holding, and there's a sheen of sweat on your forehead, despite it being -3 degrees in London. No wonder he left me, you think as you recall the evening.

13th November:

"So that's it?" He stands in the doorway, hands on his hips as he huffs. He's stood tall, the plush sweater hugging his body contradictory to the harsh frown on his face.

"Ross, it was you that said we needed some time apart!"

"Because you’re the one being distant, y/n!"

"Distant? I'm the one being distant? Ross, you've been away on a tour for over six months. I know you can't help it, but I really don't think that our ‘distance’ is because of me." You bite down on your bottom lip, eyebrows tilting downwards as you fight back tears. He runs a hand through his hair.

He's right. The distance in your relationship has definitely been as issue as of late, both physically and metaphorically. You'd been staying late at the office, he'd been across the other side of the world, and it's not exactly a recipe for success. You'd fall asleep right as he called, he'd be performing when you woke up.

He swallows heavily, dark eyes looking at you pleadingly, almost. An ache presents itself in your chest, breath caught in your throat as you anxiously play with the hem of your sweater.

"Is this really it, then?" You clench your jaw, tears threatening to spill.

"I..." His voice trails off, looking away and scratching his neck. You can see his glassy eyes, the way he pulls his lips into his mouth - you can read him like a book, a really heartbreaking, sad book. "Do you want this to be it?"

"Do you?"

He doesn't answer you, but instead picks his coat up from your sofa.

This can't be real. This is Ross. You were supposed to marry Ross, you were supposed to grow old together and do all of the things you used to dream about.

You don't chase after him as he walks down the hallway, you don't try and make him stay or beg him to take you back. The sound of the door closing behind him lingers in the empty flat, almost echoing off of the walls that seem to be so impossibly close. You feel the shell of your body take a seat on the sofa, a sob filling the void.

The weeks since then had been a cycle, and a toxic one at that: too much alcohol, too many nights crying to your friends, and definitely one too many times you nearly called him. You'd unfollowed him on everything, the sight of his smile and the dimples you'd so regularly peppered kisses to sending a wave of sickness, a wave of envy, through your body. You'd taken down the polaroids, hidden his hoodie somewhere you'd never think to look, plunged your head straight first into work and work only.

Only now, it's New Years Eve, and you're forced to face the reality of your situation.

A microwave meal for two is heated up, eaten by one, cross-legged on the sofa in a pair of pyjamas that could probably win a competition for 'World's Ugliest Nightwear' (a Christmas gift from an aunt). The flat is warm, lit by candles and fairy lights on every surface, a knitted blanket pooling around you. Glasses on, hair up, and who knew half a bottle of Echo Falls could fit into one glass?! The discoveries of a single woman in her 30s were truly groundbreaking.

If your loneliness wasn't apparent enough by the constant reminders of how fun and exciting your friends' lives were via social media, the BBC One New Year's Eve countdown did the job.

"So grab that special someone and get ready for the countdown! 30 minutes to go!" Some tacky presenter wearing a far-too-sparkly jacket grins down a microphone. You scoff, rolling your eyes at the cliche and taking a glug of wine.

Your eyes trail to the window, the gentle fall of snow making you reminiscent. You wonder what you were doing this time last year - at Ross' parents, playing a board game with his family, sat in between his legs whilst he played with your hair. The thought makes you inhale sharply, eyes stinging as you avert your gaze back to the TV. You wonder where he is right now, probably an A-List party with the rest of the band, surrounded by stick insect models wearing clothes worth more than your entire wardrobe. You bet they've never eaten M&S ready-meal lasagne. You wonder whether he'd squeeze their hand in the back of a taxi, whether he'd carry them up the stairs of their flat when their heels break. You dab your cheeks with the back of your hand, catching the tears trailing down your face and sniffling. Necking back the rest of your wine, you get up from the sofa to grab the bottle from the kitchen, slippers shuffling on the wood flooring. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in the window, and it reminds you of how you and Ross would dance together in this very spot, how only months ago he'd kissed you against this fridge, had spun you around, giggles filling the room like the most beautiful confetti you'd ever seen. You'd recognise that laugh anywhere.

"10 minutes to go!"

The first bars of All By Myself bleed from the speaker, a singer you don't recognise butchering it already.

"Oh, give over!" You complain at the TV. Of all songs they could’ve picked for New Years.

When you were little, you always thought you'd end up like Rachel from Friends, or maybe even Angelina Jolie. Bridget Jones was never on the cards, singing the singleton's anthem into a wine glass on New Year's Eve.

If it wasn't for the banging at the door, you're convinced you would have hit the high note. You frown to yourself as you pad down the hallway, passing the clock - it's 11:53pm on New Years, who could possibly be knocking on your door? You wonder whether you've accidentally called for a Chinese takeaway in your state of sadness, or a neighbour telling you to be quiet.

You gasp when you swing the door open.

His eyes are tired, and definitely drunk, creasing in the corners as he pulls his lips inwards, brow lowered slightly. His coat is sprinkled with glitter and fallen snow, like some kind of fairy dust against the black fabric, his hair ruffled like he's ran a hand through it a million times over. He's slightly out of breath, chest heaving up and down beneath his white button-up, tongue quickly swiping between his lips.

"Ross." You breathe out, eyes quickly moving over his face. His eyes are watery, nose slightly red, and you notice how he swallows heavily when you speak. "What're you doing here? I thought you'd be at a party or something, I-"

"I was," He inhales, a slightly bashful smile on hips lips as he furrows his brow, "but I didn't want to be there."

"You didn't want to be there?" You ask, suddenly feeling naive and hyper-aware of your appearance. You purse your lips, searching his face for an answer or context.

"No," he shakes his head firmly. "I wanted to be here, and I've messed up, and..." His voice trails off as he rubs his face, huffing. "I'm sorry, you probably have people over-"

"I don't. I don't have people over." You interrupt perhaps a bit too eagerly, watching as his eyebrows raise and his lips part slightly. "Is everything alright? If you need a taxi home, I can call you one, I know the numbers for some, I'll just write them down now..." You turn back into the hallway, rummaging around in a drawer of a cabinet for a taxi firm leaflet and a pen.

He watches you for a few seconds, looking away for a moment as he contemplates the mistake he's made. None of the models or singers or actresses at any party in the world could compare to you, his y/n. The corners of his mouth threaten to curve upwards as he notices the penguin print on your pyjamas, the way you nervously push your glasses up your nose, spotting the empty bottle of wine on your coffee table in the living room further down.

"y/n, no," he starts, making you glance at him with a concerned expression on your face. "I don't want a taxi."

"You don't?" You shake your head at him with a frown.

"I want you."

"Me?"

"Mhm." A soft, airy, perhaps a little drunken laugh escapes his lips at your questions, the way your voice goes up a pitch. You nod at him, contemplating what he's saying, wondering if you've actually just fallen into a lasagne-induced coma on the sofa and this is a dream, a manifestation of your pining. "Take me back, y/n."

You inhale sharply, watching as he swallows deeply and searches for your response, almost looking through your eyes, deep into your brain.

"The biggest mistake I made was ending things. I'm an idiot, y/n/n! I'm an idiot, and I do things and don't think them through," He rubs the back of his head, shaking his head with teary eyes, "and now I'm here on your doorstep asking you to take me back, because I'm not man enough to do it without a drink, and I don't think I could've gone on any longer without coming here, and-"

Your warm lips on his are what ends his rambling. He raises his eyebrows, the kiss taking him aback for a second, before melting into it completely. You hold onto the lapels of his jacket, his hands grasping onto the fabric of your pyjama top, running upwards gently as you stumble backwards a little.

"You're not an idiot." You pull away and say breathlessly, looking up at him shaking your head. "You do think things through." He smiles down at you softly as you speak, brushing stray curls from your face and resting a hand on each cheek. "Will you take me back?"

The kiss he presses to your lips answers your question, deep and passionate and so very needed. You push the door closed with your free hand, the other around his neck, eyes closed and inhaling his aftershave deeply. The faintest smell of cigarette smoke and champagne is mixed in, but it's like walking back into a golden memory, or your smelling your favourite perfume. He walks you both backwards into the living room, and in perfect timing, too.

"...2, 1, Happy New Year!"

Fireworks sound on the television, but you're not 100% sure whether they were just in your head. You pull away from him and hold his face in your hands, and he lets the weight of his head lean into your palm.

"Happy New Year, Ross." You smile through watery eyes.

"Happy New Year, y/n."

He presses a kiss to your lips again before taking your hands in his.

"Jesus Christ, your hands are freezing!" You hold them both between yours.

"I walked here, and I didn't have gloves, so..."

"You walked here?" You gasp, holding his hands to your mouth and pressing a kiss to them. "It's snowing!"

"I know, but I thought the walk from Bond Street wasn't as far-"

"Bond Street? That’s, like, 45 minutes away! You walked for 45 minutes?!” You laugh in shock, shaking your head at him, "You've lost your mind."

"I'd have walked the Earth if I thought we were going to be okay." He shakes his head softly, looking down at you. "I've thought about you every day."

"If you'd have called, I'd have picked up."

"You blocked me." He states matter-of-factly before trying to suppress a grin, "And unfollowed me, so-"

"It was a moment of madness, I just..." You scrunch your nose us and squeeze your eyes closed as you cringe, smiling a little, "I'm sorry." You rest your head in his chest, feeling him kiss the top of your head.

"I'm sorry, too. Really sorry." He huffs, "I'll never leave you again, I promise."

"Me neither," You tilt your head up at him, nodding as if to affirm your words, "Even when it's hard, and we make mistakes like this."

His arms around your waist the next morning are warm. You lift your head to look around the room, those god awful pyjamas strewn across the hall near the bathroom door, his shirt on the floor, your bra haphazardly hooked over the end of the bed - the two of you from the night before. You lay back down, turning your head to look at him - his lips are parted, slow, steady breaths leaving them. The bedroom is stone cold, the white sheets around both like a cocoon, but you've never felt warmer. You think about last night, a smile on your lips as you lay with your eyes shut.

[theflyindutchwoman]

The road to Chenford - The Love Interests

Let me preface this (very) long post by saying this is only my opinion. This is about how I interpret the whole Chenford arc. The show is vague enough that pretty much all interpretations are valid. But if you feel differently, that's perfectly fine.

There's a lot of things that made me fall in love with Chenford, and I'll talk more about it in another post. But one aspect I found intriguing was the way the different love interests Lucy and Tim had throughout the show were used. Usually love interests are brought as a plot device to separate the main characters and bring all the angst... It's something that pretty much every TV shows do. The jealousy trope has to be one of the most common one... And yet, here, it was never really used the usual way.

Let's start at the beginning.

// Isabel & Nolan

It is rather interesting that we got love interests for both Lucy and Tim right from the start (probably because Chenford was unplanned). And how much their story is still impacted by that. With Isabel, we had front row seat to the trauma her addiction was having on Tim : the spiralling, the heartbreak, the guilt and the walls he had to put up to protect himself. But we also witnessed how far his loyalty goes and how deeply he can love. It was an important tool to give us some insight on a character that could otherwise have been a stereotype. And from there, we were able to get a view of what he is looking for : someone who can love him just as much, who will fight for him and who will make him feel like he's enough. With Nolan, we saw a completely different side of love. The hot affair (their words, not mine), the sneaking around and the impact it could have on Lucy's career. And what she wants is explained during the breakup fight : someone who thinks she is worth fighting for. Lucy is not upset because she is being dumped, she had come to the same conclusion after all. It's how easily Nolan seems to be able to discard her and their relationship that truly hurt her.

Now, the irony is her arc was supposed to be for her relationship with John… Kudos to the writers for adapting it seamlessly to Chenford. It is quite uncanny. On one hand, we had one relationship that was formed while they were rookies and made it work until UC work destroyed it ; on the other hand, we had one who flamed out before it could even truly start. If they keep Lucy doing UC work, I really hope we will have some conversation between Chenford to tie up this part of their arc : they both need to be reassured that the work won't come between them, because in the end, that was the downfall for their first (on-screen) romance.

(Little side note : I understand Alexi might have planned for NoChen to be endgame, and as much as we give him shit, as we should it's what keep showrunners honest, I appreciate that not only he agreed to change that part of his plan (the last true shipping moment for NoChen was in 1.12 I think, so really early), he was graceful enough not to destroy Chenford out of spite or even downplay their bond (he could have had John save Lucy in Day of Death, have her stay with him after Jackson's death etc). I'm not saying it's all perfect. And I'm sure he protested. But imagine creating a story around the main couple, only to realise that one part of that couple has more chemistry and works better with another character. With the exception of Fillion, I doubt he had any say about the casting. And even if he did, chemistry tests only work so far (Melissa and Eric probably didn't even have one). My past experience with showrunners is that they'd rather kill their show and blame the audience for being too stupid than admit they're wrong or should change their plans... The past few years are full of cautionary tales of TV shows that burned down. He may have been petty about it on his interviews, I don't read them so I can't say, but at least it didn't let it impact on the story. Cheers to that I guess).

// Rachel & Emmett

After the trauma Tim experienced, it was a nice change of pace to see him in an uncomplicated relationship, see him relax and simply enjoy himself. With Rachel, it was all about healing and it's not by mistake that Lucy set him up with someone she knows to be easy-going, calm and nurturing if we consider her job (I know it was for a bet and she didn't exactly choose Rachel. But do we think she would have done this if she didn't think it could be a good thing?). And we can never have too much of Tim smiling. Or shirtless Tim. We saw Lucy interfere even more - with Isabel, she got caught in the middle at first, she didn't really decide to cross his personal boundaries on her own. She was just trying to help Tim not go down with the ship. But we did learn that she kept in touch with his ex-wife. With Rachel, she had a direct hand in the set-up and she did soften some of his edges as well (the birthday gift for instance). Most importantly, it never had a negative impact on Chenford. If anything it brought them closer. But in the end, we saw the same problem that with Isabel : Tim was not enough. Rachel put her career first (nothing wrong with that by the way!). The red flag, so to speak, was the clear lack of communication : she never mentioned to Tim being interested by a job in New-York, let alone warned him about the interview. I mean, if you're seriously committed, a conversation beforehand might have been nice. And while Tim entertains her idea of them moving, it seems to be more by curiosity. We don't really see him hesitate or have a full grown-up talk about how they should move forward. The ending was… Well.. Hey does Rachel even know they broke up? Cos we didn't! So who knows! Jokes aside, I wonder if we were supposed to see her again in season 03 but with COVID, they changed it. Still could have been nice to have her name mentioned at one point.

Now, Emmett was supposed to be a mirror to Rachel : Tim's friend and a healing step in Lucy's journey. After what she went through with Caleb, seeing her be able to take that step forward was really great. Flirty and carefree Lucy is the best. I wished we had seen a little more of them (the actor got a main part on another show + Covid rules = not possible) so it was less abrupt. Having Emmett treat Lucy as someone in need of protection was also a nice callback to Nolan, who broke up with her "to protect her". No comment on the breakup by text. That's just petty. Although I did like he involved Tim in it... I wonder how that meeting went.

// Ashley & Chris

All right, there goes the very unpopular opinion : I actually didn't mind them. Much. I mean I could have done without them, but since we never really had to see their full respective relationship, Lucy or Tim being pretty much always around, it worked for me. Mainly. Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly indifferent towards Ashley because she was just dull. And I dispised Chris cos he reminded me of so many people I met in law school, it's not even funny (right down to the lack of empathy and inability to read the room. So spooky). It's the journey that I didn't mind.

After Angela's wedding and Lucy staying at Tim's place, the attraction between Chenford was front and center. But as I will talk about in my other post, I don't think they were ready to go there (grief is not the best foundation). And the writers didn't want to either, so that's moot. Now, as I said earlier, the most common trope in TV shows is to introduce new love interests to play up the tension and jealousy, have some pining on the side… And after the revelation in 3.14/4.01, it would have been the perfect timing. Only we didn't get this here, hence the frustration that I think many experienced. What's the point of having to suffer if we don't get the goodies.

Except, like I said, I absolutely love we didn't go the typical route. Why? Because jealousy is rarely written properly on TV. More often than not, you end up with people being used, hurt, acting childish and/or petty. Not a really good look for all the characters involved. It gets even worse when the ship still don't get together after all that hustle. I love angst, but come on. So instead of the promised angst, we kept on the same path than with Rachel and Emmett : the progression of Chenford's bond. It was never about Ashley and Chris. It was always about Lucy and Tim's story and how they were different and the perfect person. How their bond was special and how they NOT ONCE wondered if they should spend less time together. Even after the double date. Especially after the double date. They are close, period. They're willing to make efforts for Ash or Chris, but not change their interaction between them. It was about how, despite love interests, they were still each other's person and the one constant. And to me, that is so much more powerful.

Case in point. 4.06 - Ash is introduced but the episode spends more time about the bet between Tim & Lucy 4.08 - About Lucy finding out Ash is now in the picture (who is not even present on screen) 4.10 - About Lucy's dog even though she only had him for a couple of days so it should be irrelevant and yet it's not. And how Lucy helps Tim navigates in his relationship (when clearly he is half assing it). 4.11 - About Lucy trying to help young adults in-need and Tim helping her with Tamara instead of belittling her 4.12 - All about how Lucy and Tim are each other's safe place 4.15 - About Lucy being at the right job and doing it well (and about Chris willing to cut corners to get the job done when we saw Tim refused to do the same in previous episodes) 4.17 - About how Tim was able to empower Lucy through her ordeal instead of triggering her like a certain ADA who should not even had access to her file in the first place, because hello conflict of interest 4.21 - About the next step they are supposed to take in their respective relationship but clearly are nowhere near that headspace (as much as Tim says he can himself marrying Ash, the boy was still panicking throughout the episode at the mere idea… So who are you trying to convince here?! And Lucy shutting that parent meeting so fast) 4.22 / 5.01 - What significant others? Don't know them. Who's dying on the couch? 5.02 - How Tim is the one who truly knows her and whose opinion she values the most 5.03 - How Tim is missing her 5.05 - How Lucy is the one always staying 5.06 - How Lucy can find ways to make him feel better 5.08 - How Tim can immediately see she's uncomfortable and help her talk things through as she needs to do 5.09 - How Tim knows her taste

Now could it have been done better? Yes. I think the execution got lost in the middle. It could have been clearer and sharper. And I can absolutely see how it was frustrating to have to go through other LI, especially if you ship then since season 01. And could it have been done without Ashley and Chris? Sure. But I can understand Tim and Lucy wanting to date other people (especially if like me, you think they were still mainly unaware of their feelings. Attraction, yes. Romantic feelings, not yet... For me. It's clearly up for interpretation).

By not going the traditional route, we also avoided some pitfalls and do some disservice to what is otherwise a mature and healthy relationship. And I really love that we didn't go with the easy evil trope. Lucy and Tim have enough trauma to work through the rest of their lives… Having Chris being a minion for Rosalind would have set them both back. Lucy would have to go through all that process again and Tim would only have more guilt on this plate. Not to mention that having them end up together because they're the only person they can now fully trust is not exactly the best foundation. Are they together because they want to? Or because they don't trust anyone else? Considering all their lingering doubts from their previous relationships, that's definitely not what they needed for their own personal growth. Besides, I doubt it's the last time we've seen Chris : the door was wide open when he left Lucy's place, and I don't think it was by coincidence. So we are going to have some mess on our hands... And I much prefer having it with Chenford as one unit. But then again, personal preferences here.

Anyway, not saying it was perfect. It was downright messy at some points… I also wonder if Ash and Chris got introduced because we lost Rachel and Emmett somewhere in the process.

And in the end, Ashley and Chris were instrumental to Chenford getting together. But that's for my other post, this one is already long enough!

I hope I didn't make too many mistakes by the way! I was a little nervous to post this.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 24: Forever

Being home took a little adjusting for Yoongi. He didn’t think it would, but after his first night back he realized how much he had gotten used to waking up alone in the woods. Not that he would ever prefer waking up alone over waking up next to Hyeri, but he definitely misses waking up to the peaceful sounds of nature right outside his window.

Hyeri remains sound asleep, so without disturbing her, Yoongi slips out of bed and begins to prepare breakfast. She has a week before she starts working on her new drama, so he wants to take advantage of the time before he begins jumping into his own work. He knows she’ll be spending most of her time studying her script and he wants her to stay focused on that because he knows how much this role means to her, so he’s taking it upon himself to cater to her every need as much as possible so she won’t have to interrupt her working.

Hyeri is delighted to wake up to the smell of breakfast. She’s missed Yoongi’s cooking so much. She may not fully admit it to him, but she ate out quite a lot in his absence and not always healthily. However, she should have known that she doesn’t have to admit it to him because he could already tell the moment he started looking for ingredients to make breakfast. It almost looks the same as the day he left. He’s lucky he even found enough to make a meal, so while he did that he put in an order for groceries and waited for Hyeri to wake up so he could scold her in his usual caretaking way.

“Smells good in here,” Hyeri says entering the kitchen dressed in nothing but one of Yoongi’s oversized navy blue t-shirts. “I missed getting a good Min meal everyday,” she jokes.

“Is that why you haven’t cooked anything yourself this whole time?” He smirks.

“No, I cooked,” she lies. “A little.”

“Really?” He can see right through her.

“Yeah….I made lots of ramen for myself.”

“Hyeri,” he chuckles.

“Yeah yeah I know, but delivery is so much easier than doing all the work myself,” she laughs taking a seat in a stool at the kitchen bar.

“You’re lucky you have such a loving and caring boyfriend who makes sure you have a home cooked meal that’s nice and healthy.”

“How healthy is that French toast with whipped cream on it?” She jokes pointing to the not very healthy looking piece of toast topped with cinnamon sugar, whipped cream, and honey. Certainly not the healthiest meal.

“That’s all we had in there. Why didn’t you get groceries?” He playfully scolds.

“Just because I didnt get the groceries you’re looking for doesn’t mean I didn’t get any at all.”

“Then what did you get?”

“The important thing is that I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world who cooks me good food.” She smiles at him with her nose scrunched and her eyes pressed into the most mischievous yet adorable crescents.

“Eat up, silly,” he laughs putting her plate in front of her and sitting next to her with his own.

“You’re the best.”

“Don’t patronize me,” he jokes.

“I mean it,” she giggles. “I’ll tell the world how great you are!”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah!” She says perked up.

“You seem very excited about that. Do you want to go shout it from the balcony so you can get it out of your system?” His laugh blowing bits of cinnamon sugar off of his toast.

“Maybe I will,” she says shoving a bite in her mouth. “I want everyone to know,” she pouts.

“You really mean it?” He asks unconvinced. “I thought you were just saying that before. You’d really tell everyone that we’re together?”

“Yeah.” She sinks a little in her seat as if that confession embarrasses her. “I mean…I still want to wait until after the show airs, but I just feel like it’s this big secret that’s weighing me down and I just want to let it go. I want to be free finally and putting that out there would be a huge relief.”

“You mean after-“

“I know.” She raises her hand to stop him. “I know I didn’t want to at first but then I realized that it’s the very thing that’s been bringing me down. This secret that’s caused us both so much pain. Hiding it makes it feel temporary and I don’t like that. I don’t like temporary. Nothing about how I feel for you is temporary. Even my career feels more temporary than how I feel for you. When the roles stop coming and the royalties dry up, I’ll still have you. If…you’d still have me.”

“If I’d still have you?” He asks tilting his head.

“If you don’t get sick of me or something.” Her confidence quickly fades and she becomes a shy girl wondering if her crush likes her back. Never mind the 3 years they’ve been together.

“Sick of you?” He huffs. “Are you crazy, Na Hyeri?”

“Yes,” she laughs. “I guess if anyone were sick of anyone it would be me sick of you.”

“What are you trying to say?” He playfully rolls his eyes at her teasing.

“I don’t know,” she laughs nervously. “I’ve had a lot of time to think to myself and I guess I’m just spitting it all out now that you’re back home.” She pauses then looks in his eyes. “I’ve been missing my best friend. The love of my life, and now I feel like I finally have you back. I guess I’m just really happy and can’t contain myself.”

“I’ve been missing you too,” he smiles fondly.

“I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really sorry for trying to keep us a secret. I thought my career would suffer but I suffered instead, and you did too. I feel like I’ve changed so much because now I don’t care if anyone knows. I love and care about you and that’s all that matters. You’ll always be there for me, right? I mean like…for a long time?”

“Forever, Hyeri,” he says taking her hand. “Isn’t that what we said?” He taps his bracelet with ‘Forever mine. Forever yours.’ written on it. “I meant it. I want forever with you.”

“I want forever with you too.” Her face lightens up with the biggest smile of infatuation.

“So should we tell the world before or after the wedding?” He asks half joking.

“Wedding? Don’t play with my heart, Yoon-gya,” she chuckles feeling a wave of shyness overcome her again.

“I’m not playing with your heart,” he smiles. “I mean, would you want a wedding? You always look stunning in any gown you wear.”

“You just want to see me in a gown?”

“No,” he laughs. “I want to see you…I mean, I want to…I’m asking if you wanted to.” Suddenly Yoongi is feeling nervous discussing the topic. He didn’t exactly plan to bring up a wedding or anything, but it’s not something he hasn’t thought about before. Being together forever the way they say to each other would obviously imply marriage at some point, but they never spoke about it directly.

“If I want to have a wedding?” She thinks. “Well I always thought about my dream wedding when I was a kid. I thought about the type of dress and the colors and having a big cake with all my friends and family there. I guess I stopped dreaming about it once I debuted.”

“Why?”

“You know why. The same reason why it was so hard for me to let people know about us. I thought it would be a definite end to my career. You know how it is for us.”

Yoongi nods feeling slight disappointment. She’s not wrong, and the more he thinks, the more he hates how right she is. Dating is already like the end of an idol’s career and he hates it. Getting married may as well be announcing retirement.

“So,” he hesitates. “Have you changed your mind since then? Would getting married still be the end of your career?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers looking down at her now empty plate. “But…maybe it would be worth it if I still get to be with you.”

“Hyeri,” he exasperates with flattery but a bit of objection. “This is your dream. You’ve told me so many times how acting is your true dream, and now you’re living it. I wouldn’t let you throw it all away just for me.”

“But if I stop getting roles because of our relationship what could I do?”

“You’ll keep fighting like you’re doing now,” he encourages. “You went against JJS and told the world the truth, then you turned around and landed this amazing role that I know you’re going to smash! Anyone would be a fool to turn you down just because you’re with me.”

“And you?” She asks. “Your career? Your fans? Everything you’ve worked for all of these years? Would you let it crumble for me?”

“It won’t crumble,” he says confidently. “The people who truly love and care about me won’t have a problem. Anyone else never truly cared for me, and why should I care what they have to say?”

Hyeri looks at him speechless. This isn’t the first time she’s seen this side of him. It’s part of the reason why she loves him so much. His confidence and ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude towards anyone who dares to have a negative opinion about him is admirable. She wished that someday she could be just as carefree. Unfortunately, she hasn’t reached that point yet and just as much as he doesn’t want her throwing her career away, she doesn’t want him to do so either. She said she wanted to let go, she wanted to finally free herself of the weight of this secret, but now she’s not so sure anymore.

After her experience with Two Piece and their unfortunate end, Hyeri had always expected her career to end in a moments notice. All she could do is try her best to make sure she wasn’t the reason for it. She works her ass off each day as if it’s her last because she knows it very well could be. The problem is her anxiety and lack of trust when it comes to the companies she works for. Her hard work and dedication wouldn’t make a difference if the people she works for are terrible. That’s where she feels Yoongi simply doesn’t understand her. He became a trainee and debuted with the same company he currently remains with after many years. The relationship he has with his company is a rare one of trust on both ends. And given his level of popularity around the world with BTS, he could do what he wants and instead of it being a problem it becomes an admirable act of justified rebellion. She’s never had that security, so when it comes to doing something like this she can’t help but worry.

“I mean it,” he reiterates. “I’ll be fine and so will you. In the end, it will all be ok. Don’t let anything stop you from living your dream.”

“Right,” she nods. She’s not entirely convinced, but he’s always so encouraging she can’t help but feel a bit more optimistic.

While Hyeri is studying her lines and thinking about the things that could go wrong for her career if she reveals their relationship to the world, Yoongi is writing lyrics while thinking about marriage. Now that it’s come up he can’t get the thought out of his mind. There’s no question that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Hyeri. He’s never loved anyone the way he loves her, he would only be hurting himself by not taking that step to make her officially his family. So why does the thought make his chest feel so tight?

It’s a tightness that doesn’t let up until the next day when he has his first session with Minho since being home. Hyeri took off to go over her script with one of her costars so that Yoongi could be home alone for his session with Minho. He told her it wasn’t necessary, but she felt he may not feel completely comfortable being candid and honest with Minho if she were there, so she took off.

Yoongi sits on the couch next to Minho going through the feelings he’s had since he’s been back home. It’s only been a couple of days and Yoongi has yet to return to working fully so he still has great optimism. The part that becomes difficult to talk about is his talk he had with Hyeri the day before. He’s stuck somewhere between being excited at the thought of making Hyeri his wife, and being absolutely terrified.

“If you were to get married,” Minho begins. “What is the worst thing that could happen?”

“We’re idols,” Yoongi shrugs. “There’s a lot of ‘worst things’ that could happen.”

“But for you personally?” Minho clarifies. “You said Hyeri mentioned giving up her career, what about you?”

“She shouldn’t have to give up her career, her dream, just because she wants to get married.”

“But you?”

“I would feel really bad if she gave it up for me.”

“But you?”

“I want her to be happy.”

“Yoongi…”

“Ok ok, shit,” Yoongi sighs. “I don’t think I would have a purpose outside of music.” His admission causes his bottom lip to quiver a bit. “If I’m not doing music then what has my life been about? I shouldn’t have to choose between being in love with Hyeri and being in love with music.”

“You feel like you have to choose?”

“No…” he hesitates. “Yeah…I mean, my success in music isn’t entirely up to me, is it?”

“You’re always so bold and daring,” Minho compliments. “You never seem to care about public opinion, and at times go out of your way to oppose societal norms, especially when it comes to idols. So what makes this different?”

Yoongi sits silently thinking of the answer. This is very different, because not only could this effect his career, but it could effect Hyeri’s, and it could effect his brothers. On top of that, the thought of doing anything other than making music is unfathomable.

“It’s more than just me,” Yoongi quietly mumbles.

“Marriage is a big decision,” Minho says. “So let’s back up a little. Before marriage, you would need to reveal your relationship first, right? If you go public with your relationship what do you feel would happen. It seems people were supportive when they thought Hyeri and Kihyun were dating, do you think it would be different with you?”

“Hyung,” Yoongi sighs. “I saw everything. I saw what people were saying about both of them during that time. Sure some people were supportive, but the others were brutal. I’ve taken all kinds of hate, but fuck it hurt me to see the shit people were saying about them. That’s the love of my life and my friend and I only drank more because they didn’t deserve that shit. Calling Kihyun a bad boyfriend because he was promoting his music while she was sick. Calling Hyeri a gold digging whore, for what? I don’t want her facing that type of bullshit from people that I’ve dealt with my entire career. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“Are you saying you would continue your relationship in secrecy in order to protect Hyeri?”

“Well yeah….I mean I guess so.”

“But that’s not what you said before. You were willing to reveal your relationship back when the photos of you two were leaked. What’s changed?”

“You’re killing me,” Yoongi exasperates throwing himself into the back of the couch. “I was thinking impulsively at the time, but now…shit…nothing…nothing has changed.” He runs his fingers through his hair while holding back the stupid tears he’s been trying to fight. “I still want to tell the world. I still want to give anyone in opposition the middle finger because fuck them and their opinion. It’s just that Hyeri is…I know she can handle herself, but I don’t know I’m still scared.”

“Scared of what exactly?”

“People being…I’m scared of her getting…I’m afraid that…fuck, I don’t know! I’m just scared. Scared for her and me and everyone around us.”

Minho raises an eyebrow then repeats his earlier question. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

There’s an answer to that but Yoongi isn’t quite sure he’s ready to give it. His body feels like it’s burning from the inside out. He drops his head into his hands and groans in anguish.

“I’m gonna fuck it up I just know it,” he mumbles.

“Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know, I just feel it. I’m going to find some way to publicly fuck it all up while the world watches. I’m going to find a way to hurt her again and I can’t do that. I can’t fuck it up but I’m so afraid that I will.” Yoongi raises his head and bites the corner of his quivering lip. “She seemed so fucking happy talking about going public, but what happens if it doesn’t work out? If I royally fuck up again? I thought I was ok, I had so much confidence but I feel haunted by my mistakes and for whatever reason it’s hitting me now. Can I do this?”

“Of course you can,” Minho encourages.

“How? How do I find that balance here? I want to protect her with my life, but I don’t want to be overbearing. I want to do everything I can to never hurt her again, but I’m fucking terrified that I will now that I’m here.”

“What exactly do you think you will do to fuck it up?”

“All it takes is one drink.”

[skylarmoon71]

Leonardo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)- Chapter 5

Leo’s heavy breath echoed in the night air as he jumped from building to building. His eyes caught the familiar light in your room and he moved briskly. 

The second he was by your window, he wasn’t even shocked that it was slightly ajar. He pulled it open upon landing and when he climbed in, he was greeted by a sight of you laying flat on the ground.

He raced to your side and when he moved to help you up, you were already rising on your own. He was confused.

“I..I saw you..you were..”

“I was.” 

You admitted. 

Hand placed on your forehead you tried to regain your breath. Leo knew there was something wrong.

“What did you do?”

“I transferred some of my energy into you.”

“What does that mean!”

He needs answers, but you know he understands.

“I used up some of my time.”

That’s what he was afraid of. His shoulders slumped.

“How much..”

You shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Leo grabbed your shoulders.

“It matters! How much time!”

You wouldn’t truly look at him.

“You..you were dying Leo. I-I didn’t have a choice..” 

The more you spoke the more he felt like that answer would break him.

“I..have a month left..” You finally stated. His hands dropped, heart sinking.

“No..”

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He was meant to show you everything, explain to you the treasures of life. Share with you many more months before you..

His head lowered, and you did your best to fight back your own tears. When you attempted it, you weren’t even sure it would truly work. You were so ready to risk everything to save him.

“I don’t regret it.”

It was your choice. For the first time in your entire existence you’d done something that benefited someone else. Something that mattered.

It was the right thing to do. 

Regardless of the outcome.

For the days that follow, his heart feels heavy.

There’s a bit of longing in his stare whenever he looks at you. Every time he comes through the window, he searches for you as if one day he’ll show up and you won’t be there. You know he’s scared.

It’s one of your nightly adventures where you’re both seated on a random building, watching the fireworks. There was some kind of parade going on. The second Leo heard about it he knew he needed to ensure you saw it.

“You’re doing it again.”

Leo blinks.

He’d been caught.

“Stop staring at me, it's weird.” You shift and he rubs the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry.”

So he turns, and this time you’re the one who looks at him. It’s stupid to try and deny that so much has changed. From the minute you met Leo nothing has been the same. You’ve never cared enough about anyone other than your parents in any of the lives you’ve lived. You were always careful to keep a safe distance away. Even from them you stayed at arms length. But now that’s changed.

Your parents, Peter, Leo. They’ve all changed the perspective you’ve held on to for who knows how many centuries. How do you just erase all of it now?

“Leo.”

He turns almost instantly, ready to hear whatever you have to say.

“I think..I might have gained feelings for you..”

That’s what you’d like to say, but as you look at him, it hurts. If you say that, then you’ll have to deal with the fact that you’ll never be together. He’ll have a hole in his chest. One that you put there. The one person that you promised yourself you would never hurt is Leo.

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

He smiles so kindly.

“Of course, you’re welcome.”

You both direct your eyes back to the many colors that stretch across the sky.

For now, this will have to be enough. 

[moljh]

Unbelievable / Steve Harrington x Reader

Part 6

*trigger warning - mentions of abuse*

fluff, slowburn, flashbacks, etc.  

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

Edited: currently unedited

Thursday, November 1 1984

The morning following your night with Steve Harrington, you’d been getting ready for school when Billy burst through the door. He has this look of betrayal written across his face attempted to be disguised by anger. You didn’t bother to greet him or attempt to pretend you didn't know why he was there, just met his gaze and stared right back at him.

"Do you have anything to say to me?" he questioned you "Can't say I do" "Really? Well what do you call last night then?" "I call it being an independent woman who can do whatever the hell I want with whoever the hell I want to" "Don't push me" he said grabbing a hold of your arm, forcing you to look away from whatever you had been doing and face him properly "Let me go" you firmly replied, ignoring his words, pulling you arm away from him "don't pretend you actually care Billy, I know this is more about what people might day than you actually giving a shit about me"

He didn't say anything back to you, let the words sit in the air and fester. With a huff he trudged back out of your room and you let out a sigh of relief. You hadn't wanted the confrontation and were grateful he hadn't been bothered to actually have a real fight.

You knew that your little event with Billy’s chosen rival would illicit anger from your twin, though a part of you still wished he could be a normal protective brother. You weren’t asking for him to unleash a wave of emotion, but maybe just a smile or at least a lack of threats. It likely would end up being worst for Steve, than yourself, as he was already receiving the brunt of Billy’s aggression at school. 

During most of your older years, Billy hadn’t shown much interest in what you did, though you could recall when he had actually shown some sympathy. It had been back in California, back when you had a little more hope and optimism towards life. He hadn’t been explicitly supportive of you, more a quiet acknowledgement, but it had still meant something to you.

1982

You had genuinely had feelings for one person in the past. His name had been Daniel and he had kind eyes. You remember how he had walked you home after school each day, even though he lived in the opposite direction from you. How he made sure you had eaten during the day; since you often forgot, and always had a spare snack for you. He'd been kind. He had been the first boy or man up to that point in your life that had been a truly kind and caring person.

The adjustment to your family dynamic had been difficult for everyone once Max and her mum joined your father, Billy and yourself. You hadn't done much to address it, tried to just accept it and make the most of the situation. But what Billy had been like before, just became worst with their presence. So, you had involved yourself in other things to stay distant and distracted.

Extra-curriculars helped, you joined soccer and track, and the late night library also helped. You may have only been young but your dad didn't care enough to worry where you were so late. Daniel cared though. You didn't even know this boy and he had approached you late one night in the school library.

"Hi, can I join you?" he asked, sliding into the seat across from you as you nodded your head. There had been a few minutes without conversation and then he spoke once more, "I'm Daniel, and you are?" "Y/N" you replied "Well y/n you must have a lot of homework, cause I see you in here every day after school" "You must have a lot yourself Daniel if your here as well"

He chuckled at your remark and smiled. His laugh was genuine and when he laughed he threw his head back slightly.

"Suppose you caught me there, but what if I told you I was here because of a pretty girl I've been trying to talk to?" "I'd think she'd say you need to work on your pick-up lines" "It worked didn't it?"

You'd spoken all night, you couldn't remember much, he was a Junior and you a Sophomore and you hung out each day from then on. He didn't have a car but would come pick you up each morning and walk to school with you, then walk you back at the end of the day. It took him three weeks to work up the courage to properly as you out and then another week to be his girlfriend. You'd said yes of course. For the first time in a long time things were good.

You'd dated for a year and within that year a lot happened. You felt safe with Daniel, felt like you could trust him, be yourself around him. But you still had the issue of your dad and Billy. You tried to not talk about your relationship when you were around them, of course Billy knew of it since you went to school together but luckily he never brought it up either.

One night however it had been an issue. You father had been his usual consistent self and you'd gotten in between him and Billy once again. You'd been shoved around and knocked about a bit, which had been really unfortunate timing since Daniel was picking you up that night to take you out. He'd gotten a car a few days prior and had been set on driving out to the Lake to impress you. You'd hastily applied concealer underneath your eye and were satisfied with the cover, before rushing outside.

Before long you'd arrived at Lovers Lake and you began kissing. Whilst in the car, you felt Daniel's hands roaming down your side and drifting towards your hips. In that moment his thumb pressed firmly against your pelvic bone and you flinched in pain, recoiling away from him.

"What's wrong?" he quickly asked, furrowing his brow in concern "Nothing, nothing, I'm fine" "No you're not, what's wrong?"

You shuffled slightly, trying to re-adjust your shirt to cover your side properly but the light from the moon hit is just right and you noted his eyes go wide. His gaze locked onto you lower abdomen and you quickly covered it with you hand and turned away.

"Y/n... What's that?" he softly said "It's nothing, please just ignore it" you'd pleaded with him, embarrassed that he'd even seen it

He reached forward to where you were pressed against the car door and slowly lifted you shirt up. You closed your eyes, as you knew he'd be looking at the multi-coloured markings adorning your stomach. They weren't all from that night, those were still red and fresh, others were shades of deep blue and purple and other a softer yellow, indicating their age. Silence enveloped the car for what had felt like eons.

Then you heard the ignition staring and without any words, he pulled out of the parking space and started driving. You were unsure where he was going until you recognised he was taking you home. He had pulled up at the curb out the front of your house and let out a gentle sigh.

"Y/n you know I really like you... But I don't know if I can be with someone who does this to themselves, it's too much for me... Please don't hate me" his words hit you like a tonne of bricks

Someone who had done with to themselves. He had thought what he had seen was self inflicted, hadn't even bothered to ask you what had happened before jumping to his own conclusion. How dare he. How dare he also act like it was so shameful if it was self inflicted. He was casting you aside because it was all to scary and hard for him. You sat their in disbelief for a few moments and then got out. You didn't say anything as you shut the car and walked up the front path and you heard him drive away.

All of it had hurt, but that had been the first time in over a year, that the boy you had loved hadn't watched you safely make it inside and that hit you the hardest.

From then on you basically had come to the view that all boys did was use and abuse. You'd kept your distance, done what you wanted to do and then left before they could get any closer. Moving had also helped you in that regard, a whole new group of untapped potential and that had been your intention leading into that night of Halloween. You didn't exactly have a plan, but just went into it, welcoming whatever would happen.

You'd been in gym class that day, running laps around the track alongside other girls in your class, whereas the guys were inside the gym playing basketball. You fell into a mindless rhythm as you ran, letting your legs do the work and your mind wander. As you rounded the bend you spotted two figured between the buildings arguing about something and you recognised them as Harrington and Wheeler, clearly having a heated discussion. Continuing on, that's when you saw your possibly new best friend hiding at the edge of the bleachers. Jogging away from the track unnoticed, you gave him a smile as you approached.

"How are you y/n?" "Just fine Eddie darling, what have you got for me today?" You had only been at the school for a week and already tracked down the dealer on campus "Well I don't have much right now, but just cause I like you, I'll give you 3 rolled for a tenner?" he smiled, reaching into his metal lunch box "Suppose it's got to be a yes then" you handed him the money and shoved the joints into your bra "I truly love and appreciate you Eddie" you smirked and he let out a little laugh at your comment

You headed back toward the changing rooms as you noticed all the others heading that way as well. As you went to walk back inside, someone grabbed you by the shoulder and pulled you to the side.

"Jesus Christ Harrington, what is your problem?" you exclaimed "Sorry, sorry, I didn't know how else to get your attention" "I dunno, maybe just by talking to me?" You retorted "That's generally how normal human beings communicate"

He awkwardly stood in front of you for a moment, eyes focussed on his feet as he shuffled from side to side.

"Well..." you said "What do you want?" "Um... Well... You know... Just about last night..." he seemed to not be able to get all the words out to fully make a sentence "Yes last night Harrington, we had sex" you continued for him "what about it?" "Well um... So this is awkward" "Yes this is. For you. What are you trying to say? Seriously, I don't have all day" "You haven't told anyone have you? Because I just broke up with my girlfriend and I don't know fully what's happening there and um... well... I just don't know what you think happened...?"

You could tell he was so genuinely concerned about what happened, it was kind of sweet. Grabbing a hold of his shoulders, you looked in right in the eye.

"Relax Steve" you spoke slowly "I'm not about to profess my undying love for you or anything. Believe it or not girls can also use guys for sex, so calm down and take a breath"

Letting go of him, you saw him shoulders relax and he took a breath in.

"I'm sorry about all that, and I'm sorry about last night" he said to you "I was upset and it shouldn't have happened, so could you please do me a favour and not tell anyone?" "Don't worry Harrington, despite your beliefs, it wasn't all that special of a night for me either. You might be good in the equipment department, but you might want to work on your stamina a bit more" you stated, patting him on the back and walking away

[abbyheilman]

name: abigail "abby" heilamn

age: 33

gender: cis female ( she / her )

sexuality: bisexual

work:  Nurse and Stripper

relation: single

affiliation with:  none.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

death tw, addiction tw, violence tw

Abigail Heilman was born with a different name. The one that was meant for a boy as it was what her parents had been told throughout the pregnancy until their daughter was born to an overjoyed mother and disappointed father. The biggest joke would be on the man who did his best to raise her like the son he'd lost a few yeas earlier. The little boy had been a victim of being at the wrong place at the wrong time and got a bullet to the chest that was a result of gang violence. Despite her mother dressing her up and pulling her close, she remained a daddy's girl and was soon wrapped around her father's finger as there wasn't anything he could say no to when it came to his daughter. He kept her close in fear of losing her but despite the light she brought to his life, it barely shined much light on all the darkness and hatred that lingered there for the gangs in town.

As a retired military man, he understood violence and defending one's property better than most but he hated the way it was done in the middle of town and how bodies kept showing up every other day. By the time that Abby turned fifteen, she had finally understood loss first hand rather than through her father's eyes. She watched her mother fight a battle that had taken so much from her and her father, knowing that the elder man had little will to live outside of his pill bottles and alcohol. Despite doing her best to help him, she often found herself with her best friend rather than at home. In many ways, it felt like she had lost both parents had once given that the man seated on the couch was far from the father that she once knew.

Her father lived like that for many years, helping her out with checks rather than any fatherly advise of affections. All his money went to his daughter or to the bottles that littered the floor. Throughout the hard years, her best friend, and now boyfriend, had stayed by her side and gotten her through most of it. Apart from the tension with him being apart of the local gang, he was the most important person in her life and the one she didn't feel like she could ever live without. But another wave of loss hit her when he admitted that he had cheated on her and she broke it off. Anger and sadness clung to her chest and was used to propel her forward in medical school, graduating at the top of her class. Her father's money had long since run dry and with no one applauding her on graduation, her anger was all she truly had left.

Just as she settled in her apartment and in work, life knocked her down once more with the loss of her father. Whatever money she had stored away went to his funeral arrangements and selling the house barely covered the debt that he had left over. Deep in over her head, she didn't feel like she had any other choice but to find another job. It started as a bartender until a friend mentioned a strip club and the money that could be made. After months of getting warnings through the mail, she decided to go ahead and become a stripper for the time being as she plans on quitting as soon as she can get herself out of debt.

Headcanons: 

Her roommate left in the night after not paying bills for a month and moved in with her boyfriend but left her hamster in the apartment with Abby. The thing got loose and ended up in her apartment walls. She had to break down half a wall to set it free and has kept it. She now calls it outlaw.

Even though she loves the money that comes with stripping, she hates it and it makes her skin crawl. Stripper hasn't done anything to help her be more social or tolerant of the opposite sex.

She eats like a toddler: always something revolving around chicken nuggets, fries, or some sort of version that can be found on a kids meal. At work, she drinks black coffee but waits until it's almost cold so she can down it as soon as possible because she's purely drinking it to remain awake. On her off days, any caffeine is full of sugar and everything sweet.

She has a heart on her hip from when she was sixteen. She used to love it but now loathes it because most of the men at the strip club call her sweet heart because of it.

[fraener]

4/3/23

what a horrifically terrible week it’s been. started with evelyn in the hospital, ended with a fight with h about r. i knew what i was getting myself into, i know healing that takes time, but when im already so far outside of my window of tolerance it just makes me all the more upset. school starts tomorrow even though i didnt catch any sort of break. no word from the prof and no published page online. the weather has been on and off cloudy enough for the street lights to turn on and blinding sun. i finally got myself to vacuum and im making an alcohol extraction for intermediary oil. i feel really exhausted beyond belief. i think i ought to spend the day alone. he stayed over last night which i appreciated. i just wish something would give. im tired of being the thing that gives. thinking about the word ‘give’ as the breaking of a damn and as generosity simultaneously. i realized how deeply ive been affected by the fact that i dont have a parental figure i can really emotionally or physically rely on. its a sad thing to face. i want to garden but im running into roadblocks with the school about it. i feel ive lost a lot of my judgement and so its hard to decide what to do. im tired of not trusting myself. i took a long nap that was interrupted by the cherry picker across the street getting stuck in the mud. i went for a walk and laid down in quince park with my eyes closed in the sun. i relaxed everything slowly, starting with my toes. i did a bit of ifs and figured out a lot of the root of the problem; my relationship anxiety/insecurity is being aggravated by the situation with r, the fact that i cant get any closure or retribution or anything from that situation combined with the fact that h jumps to her defense after 5 months of us dating is really damaging, and so i feel like on some deep level i have no one to truly trust, which is aggravating my issues with my mother(of course) because we’re shown all the time that the role of a parent is to always take care of us and be in our corner and ive never had that. finding it in a new person is proving equally difficult to finding it at home. my ocd has been so bad because i am so scared of going through being sick like that alone. its not enough that i have my own support, it gets me only so far before i really just need to cry and be held by someone else. and in the seat of the core self ive had such a hard time getting through the self punishment to see and truly be with the parts of myself that are scared and feel alone. all of the stress comes crashing in at once every time i approach it. i think my only goal right now is trying to work back into my window of tolerance rather than being so far out of it and so overdrawn. the basic anxieties of going to school in person anyways are enough to dysregulate me, obviously everything else on top is way too much for me to comfortably handle. i hope to get to the bottom of this soon. susan is writing me an accommodations letter so i can relax a little with school. i want to take good care of myself because i am all that i have, really. 

[intriga-hounds]

the covid is technically gone but after literally -every- task i have to lie down so can we really say i’m ok

[bingoboingobongo]

happily ever after

Pairing: Steven Grant (Moon Knight) x Reader

Type: Fluff

Summary: For as long as he can remember, Steven’s wanted a “happily ever after”, and now it seems like he’s finally got a chance.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: feminine pronouns (she/her), spoilers for episode 1

A/N: hiii, ik i said i would make a pt 2 to my adrian chase fic but steven is the new scrungly little meow meow that has been occupying my mind so you get this instead. as always, likes/reblogs and constructive criticism are always appreciated :)

Masterlist

There was nothing Steven wanted more than a “happily ever after”. It was something that he had dreamt about as long as he could remember, and while the meaning changed and shifted over the years, his desire for the fantastical concept stayed strong. When he was younger it meant living in a mansion filled with ancient relics, and when he got older it meant finding someone nice he could settle down with; someone who wouldn’t just tolerate his enthusiastic rambling about history, but enjoy it. Someone he could wake up to and fall asleep with, someone he could quietly whisper “I love you” to without worrying that they wouldn’t reciprocate feelings. Someone that would hold him so tightly that he would no longer need any of the precautions he used while he slept.

But as the years went by and Steven’s list of problems only grew, it was becoming more and more obvious that a “happily ever after” wasn’t in the stars for Steven.

The main problem was that Steven was tired. His nights were restless and his days monotonous; the chances that he would suddenly find something that gave his life meaning beyond studying Egyption hieroglyphs and selling cheap gift shop plushies were steadily dwindling.

Every day was the same thing, wake up, check his ankle restraint, check the sand ring around his bed, check the tape on the door, feed Gus, go to work, go to the park, go home, feed Gus, reapply the tape on his door, refill the sand ring around his bed, relock his ankle restraint, and then fight off the sleep that tickled at the back of his eyelids as long as possible.

Steven knew it was a flawed routine; after all it was a routine rooted in paranoia — in an innate fear that festered deep in Steven’s soul that he may wake up miles away from his apartment, with no recollection as to how or why he was there. It was repetitive and tedious and downright embarrassing, but it served its purpose and so Steven followed it devoutly.

The first time he saw her he could’ve sworn he did a double-take. There was something about her that demanded his attention, that grabbed him by the collar and refused to let go. Ironically, she hadn’t even been looking at him the first time he saw her; she was staring out the window of the bus with a faraway look on her face, and yet Steven could barely keep his eyes off of her throughout the entire ride.

He saw her again the next day, and the day after that, and the weeks following. He never saw her get on or get off, but he could always find her clutching tightly to a handrail as she stared at the passing scenery or on a seat by a window with a book in her hand. He knew it was creepy that he spent his commute observing her, and yet he couldn’t bear to tear himself away; besides, she never noticed his stolen glances and subtle stares. She never noticed him at all.

Eventually, she became a part of his morning routine; something he looked forward to. He would wake up, check his ankle restraint, check the sand ring around his bed, check the tape on the door, feed Gus, and then contemplate introducing himself to her while he rode to work. But unfortunately, that was about as far as their interactions went, and she continued to unknowingly torment Steven with her blissful ignorance.

Despite that, he truly enjoyed seeing her everyday. She filled his chest with a childlike giddiness he hadn’t felt in ages and made his cheeks heat up whenever she accidentally bumped into him during a particularly turbulent trip. He wanted to get to know her, to finally figure out what her name was or where she was taking the bus everyday or what she thought of the book she was reading, but Steven was too scared to make a move; too scared of disrupting the delicate dance of hidden feelings and forlorn stares he harbored towards her.

Unfortunately for Steven, his blissfully boring routine was beginning to break apart. He was getting less and less sleep, and the sleep he did get left him uneasy and with even less energy than when he closed his eyes. The whole situation was incredibly frustrating for Steven. On one hand, if he completely neglected rest he would be significantly worse off than he was currently, but to succumb to sleep meant succumbing to the nightmares that plagued his rest. Nightmares which were becoming a little too realistic.

He’d had another nightmare that night. Another unsettlingly vivid dream filled with scarabs and cupcake vans and death and Wham! and a booming deity that wouldn’t stop yelling at him. Steven awoke with a cry, only to find himself standing on the bus on his morning commute — like he had done so many times before.

His eyes swiveled around to look at his surroundings, only to be met with confused bystanders and passing cars and not a forest road with logs hurtling towards him ensuring his imminent death. His eyes landed on hers, she was staring at him, her brow slightly furrowed — he couldn’t tell if it was out of concern or embarrassment, he hoped it was the former.

The rest of his morning wasn’t any more reassuring. An unnerving encounter with the man from his dreams proved that his graphic nightmares had become reality, and the revelation sent Steven spiraling into a vortex of fear, confusion, and existentialism. Steven was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice her enter the museum, her head swiveling around curiously as she wandered throughout the building.

“Hi, um, are you—” Steven jumped, startled by the sudden voice— “sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice continued, “but I was wondering if you were—” the woman in front of Steven paused, looking down at the item in her hand— “Steven Grant?”

Steven’s heart dropped to his stomach. He stared at the woman in front of him; she was the same woman he had been admiring for weeks. The same woman who was always on the bus when he got on, and never got off until after he left; the same woman that always had a book in her bag or a drink in her hand; the same woman he had spent every morning contemplating whether or not it was worth the risk of getting to know her, and now she was standing in front of him asking about him. Now his entire life had been shattered.

“How do you know my name?” Steven asked, trying to fight off the tremble in his voice, but like always, his body betrayed him. Abruptly, Steven grabbed the arm of the woman in front of him, hastily shoving the sleeve of her sweater up to examine her wrist for the haunting tattoo that had been following him.

“I- What the heck man?” she cried, yanking her arm away from him. “You left your ID on the bus, I was just trying to give it back,” she explained, shoving the ID onto the counter between them. Steven looked down and sure enough, the picture of him stared back; the letters below it mocking him in a big black font as they spelled out his name.

“Oh, I- Sorry, I- I didn’t mean to- I’m so sorry about that,” he stammered, “I’ve just been… paranoid, I guess.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” she said, the anger beginning to subside from her voice, “you sleeping okay?”

Steven looked at her curiously, “How do you know about that?”

“Well, you’ve got circles under your eyes that could give mine a run for their money, and you woke up screaming on the bus today. Assuming that you’re having sleep troubles is not a difficult conclusion to come to Steven,” she teased, a smile forming on her face.

Steven chuckled awkwardly, heat beginning to rise to his cheeks, “Oh yeah, yeah, uh, well, it’s uh- it could be better I suppose.” She chuckled, and Steven felt a swell of pride rise in his chest at his ability to amuse her, even if it was unintentional.

“You work here?” she asked, gesturing to the area around them.

“Uh, yeah, yeah I’m uh, I’m a ‘gift-shoppist’, if you will. I’m not sure if that’s a word,” he explained sheepishly.

She hummed, “Well, Mr. Steven the ‘gift-shoppist’, do you have any recommendations for exhibits I should check out? I had to pay an entrance fee to get in so I might as well get my money’s worth.”

Steven’s eyes lit up as he began enthusiastically rattling off a list of his favorite exhibits, along with what they showcased, their history, and any fun fact he could physically conjure in his mind. History had always been a passion of his, and with Donna constantly berating him, this was the closest Steven was going to get to finally being a tour guide.

“Ok, slow down cowboy,” she cut in, “the stuff coming out of your mouth sounds great, but I also have, like, zero idea what you’re talking about.”

Steven paused, his shoulders slumping slightly, “Oh um, sorry I- I didn’t mean to get carried away,” he said, his confidence waning.

“Oh, that’s not what I- Sorry, what I was trying to say is that you clearly know a lot more about this than I do, so what do you say you show me around yourself? I mean you could explain it to me, like, twelve times over and I would still forget as soon as I leave,” she joked.

Steven perked up, a smile beginning to form on his face, “Really?”

“Yeah, what time do you get off?” she asked, leaning closer to Steven.

“I uh- Well- I- I usually get off around 6:15, but I’ve got to stay late and do inventory,” he explained, his heart rate increasing as he caught a whiff of the sweet perfume that enveloped her.

“Bummer,” she said, slightly jutting out her lower lip. Steven couldn’t help himself as his gaze darted downwards at the motion, admiring the curve of her lip for just a beat too long before he brought his eyes level with hers. “Well, maybe you can show me around another day,” she proposed.

“Uh- I- Yes, sure, I- definitely,” he stuttered, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

She grinned, “Well Steven, do you have a pen? I’ll give you my number.”

Hurriedly, Steven whipped around, frantically scrambling for a pen before offering her one from a nearby display. Carefully, she reached for his hand and Steven prayed to whatever god was out there that she wouldn’t notice how fast his pulse was racing. He held his breath as she carefully wrote out the numbers on his palm, and he swore his heart skipped a beat when he watched her draw a little heart next to it.

“I’m free tomorrow,” she said, clicking the pen and handing it back to Steven, “call me.” Steven watched as she smiled before turning to leave, his heart still trying to jump out of his chest.

“Wait!” he called out, “I- You didn’t give me your name,” he explained when she turned back to face him.

She smiled at him before complying, and her name sounded like an angelic symphony to Steven’s ears. Giddy with excitement, Steven watched as she exited the museum, smiling to himself like a kid in a candy store as he vowed to call her that night. His mind had already forgotten about the chaos of his morning and was already swarming with ideas for dates — museum tours, picnics, walks in the park. Steven had just officially met her that morning and yet he could already see himself finally living out his “happily ever after” with her.

Unfortunately for Steven, a “happily ever after” had never been in the stars for him.

[the-dawn-star]

Place to go PT.2 Klaus Mikaelson x Reader x Elijah Mikaelson

A/N: Hi! so people seemed to like the first part on AO3 so, why not to out this here too. I'm writing the third part right now so yeah.... hope you like it! -S

+ not proof read 3400ish words

The rest of the ride was silent. We had nothing to talk about. God, we didn’t even know each other. And I tried to fight from the disappointment that I had felt. When he let go off my hand. Or maybe, I'm just really touch-starved.

He hadn’t felt cruel, or rough, him holding me felt kind, gentle. I massaged my hand, like rubbing his touch back. Like I could feel it again.

But half-way the drive, I was brought back to reality. He stopped close to a bakery, and he got out without saying anything. I had no time to ask what was going on, when the door was closed already.

And after few in minutes he got back to the car, dropping a brown paper bag to my lap. I took a peek inside. Inside the back was few croissants. I picked on up, and started to eat. I truly had been famished, the whole morning.

Klaus was staring me, and I wanted to disappear to my seat. And with a smirk on his face, he started the car again. “You want a one?” I asked mouth full of food, handing one croissant to him. He took it and bit the end off.

But after a while for my distaste the car turned to the school. And the anxiety rose in me again. Uncomfortable heaviness took over my chest. I covered my burning neck with my cold hands. I saw Caroline and Bonnie walking to inside, and again I wanted to run away. I shouldn’t be scared to go to school, they are my friends. I shouldn’t be terrified to go and see them.

My breath fastened and I crabbed the front of my shirt.

“Are you sure you want to go there?” Klaus brought me back. I nodded and took a deep breath in. “You want the rest?” I asked pointing the paper bag. I need to distract myself. “Keep them. You seem to need them more than I,” And almost I could sense him caring about what I felt.

I whispered a thank you, until I got off. I didn’t look back at him. I didn’t want to see what his face would tell me. What it might have made me do. I just walked to school, slamming the front door behind me. My breathing didn’t get easier, it stayed the unbearable kind.

Not wanting to see anyone I almost ran to the bathroom. And thank God, it was empty. But like always, I celebrated too fast, Caroline and Bonnie walked in.

“Hey! Where were you last night? You weren’t home even we left,” Caroline said, little too excited for my personal taste. I didn’t know what I should say. I just couldn’t just say that I spent the night at our ‘enemies’ place. I wrapped my arms around my torso.

“Y/N?” Bonnie asked stepping closer to me. I took a step back, not even thinking what I was doing.

“I was...,” I couldn’t make a good reason why I wasn’t there.

“UuuUuu, Y/N has a boyfriend,” Caroline teased, before coming to me and wrapping her arms around me. It was easier answer. It was easier to lie to them than trying to reason.

“Do we know who he is?” Bonnie continued, clearly intrigued by the ‘revelation’. “I need to go to class,” I said pushing myself off of Caroline and practically running from the bathroom.

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The rest of the day I was running away from anyone that I could recognize. And by the end of the day, I was exhausted. But still I needed to walk to work. It was clear that my sister would go to the Salvatore brothers place. My head was hurting, and tears could get out a second of weakness. And now I would go to work and cry during my break.

The sky was darkening. My headache got worse with every step. But after a hard walk, I finally ended up to the grill. I didn’t say a word to anyone. I just walked to the back and got ready.

Even Matt saw my discomfort. “Is everything okay?” Matt asked placing his hand to my shoulder. “Yeah,” I pressed my lips together. And after that I went to complete autopilot.

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I was brought to the reality, but my shift wasn’t over yet. Damon sat to the bar stool. My urge to cry grew.

“My second favorite Gilbert, come here,” He had a glass already. How long had he been there? Had I missed him walking in.

“What is it, Damon,” I didn’t feel like being nice to him. “Give me another one,” He simply said and raised his glass. In all honesty I shouldn’t even serve alcohol to him, or to anyone but I didn’t want him to get mad. I took a bottle and poured heavy amount to his glass.

“Leave the bottle,” He said, and I almost wanted to ask what was wrong. But I couldn’t we weren’t even friends. He was just my sisters friend. I shouldn’t care, what he was going through. And he never cared if anything bad would happen to me. So, without a word I left the bottle and practically ran away.

But when I tried to go back to autopilot, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t let go the thought of Damon sitting there. With every move I made my eyes fell to Damon, even when he wasn’t looking at me. Propaply thinking about my sister. I wasn’t jealous, him thinking about my sister was just a fact.

My stomach twisted around. I wasn’t jealous, I just wanted to someone thinking about me. I wanted to be as special as my sister. In this point, I would even take the murder attempts.

I picked up a dirty stack of plates and started to carry them to the back. It would be my break soon. Only few minutes left. I could finally get some food for myself and rest, if I had the time I could even go to the bathroom and cry a moment.

One more order, then I'm done! For half an hour, at least. I walked back to the bar. Damon was sitting still there, doing nothing, just looking to his glass. But of course, Damon wanted to be my last costumer before my break.

“Hey, Y/N do you have blood here. I’m hungry. And you don’t want to lose a customer, right?” I took a deep breath in and I was really ready to cry. I just want to be alone. And like any normal food place, we didn’t have blood. “Damon, can’t you just be nice, for a moment, just this once,” I begged. “Or you can save someones life,” Venom was dropping from his words. He was drunk and I was miserable. I bit my lip ready to cry at any second. He had always been cold to me. I had never been one to support my sisters relationship with the Salvatore brothers.

One single tear fell down to my cheek. He didn’t even seem to care. I closed my eyes, ready to hear him mocking me, or anything of that sort.

“You see what you are doing to the girl,” I forced my eyes open. Klaus was standing behind Damon. His hand squeezing Damons shoulder, and from his face the squeeze seemed more than friendly. I had to stop myself falling from the customer service act.

“Would you like something?” I asked way too happy for anyone working the night shift. “Are you okay?” Klaus asked instead without even recognizing my question. I nodded, of course I need to lie to Klaus, that is just the smart choice.

His eyes turned back to Damon and looked into his eyes. Compelling him. “Get out,” His voice had that poisons' sound. Even if Damon was drinking vervain, he would still have no option than leaving. Damon got up and left without a word. He had that glossy look on his eyes, like I had when he had compelled me when we first met.

My throat tightened uncomfortably and I focused back to Klaus. He was sitting on the same seat as Damon had been sitting only moments before. The man in front of me had no plans to speak first so I took the lead. “Would you like something?” I asked again with my customer service voice. It was hard to speak.

I didn’t want to speak. Not to him. Not to anyone.

“When is your shift going to end?” And again, not answering me. I looked to the clock on the wall. “In two hours,” I said, choosing not to question his question. “What are you doing here?” I almost jumped up. Matt was behind my back. His voice had the same hatred as always. God, Matt, please don’t get yourself killed. I’m not ready to deal with it.

“Y/N is going to take off earlier today,” Klaus said, ignoring Matts poisonous tone. Matt didn’t have time to say anything back.

“Go get your stuff,” Klaus continued to me not letting any room for arguments. So, I just nodded and speed walked to the back.

I grabbed my coat and back bag and ran back to the front hoping that I wouldn’t meet with Matts dead body. But by the tension in the room, I'm sure it wouldn’t be far by. The hybrids eyes turned to me and without a word he started to walk to the front door. “You really aren’t going to go with him? He will kill you,” Matt said to me while I walked next to him.

“See you tomorrow, Matt,” I don’t know what took over me. But I got to my toes and placed a quick kiss on Matts cheek, until I ran to Klaus who was waiting me by the door.

What the fuck?! Why the fuck did I kiss him. It didn’t matter that it was only on the cheek. He is my sisters ex, for Gods sake!

I didn’t look back to Matt, I just ran to Klaus, him holding the door open for me. But this time, he didn’t have that weird gentle feel to him. He felt ice cold. Like when he is planning a murder. Maybe, he just doesn’t want to see teenager friendly PDA.

I waited for him to close the door to look at him. I wrapped my arms around myself, like I could safe myself with it. “What was that about?” I asked. “I’m bored,” His words made me want to punch him.

To him, we were just play things. We didn’t matter. The fact that I needed to get money, it didn’t matter to him. Tears formed in my eyes. For a moment I had thought that he cared about me. At least as much as he could. But no, I was just the one that you go when you are bored.

I bit my teeth together and the tears started to flow down to my cheeks. I hummed and turned around. I could walk to home. Maybe the gang wouldn’t even be there and I could be alone. But I didn’t get far, only a step to be exact. Klaus had taken a hold of my arm, not letting me to walk away. He turned me so I was looking toward him, but I didn’t give him the pleasure of me looking at him, with my teary eyes.

The hybrids hold on my arm was secure but gentle, and I'm sure I could pull myself away if I truly tried. And if he wouldn’t tighten it. My jaw started to hurt, I tried to relax but it didn’t work. I started to panic.

My breath got harder and heavy. I shook my head and closed my eyes. This needs to stop. I need to stop. He needs to stop. This needs to stop. I will die if this doesn’t stop. If he isn’t the one who is going to kill me, I will do it myself. I want this to stop. NOW!

The hold of my arm left, but instead arms wrapped themselves around me. I sob got through of my lips. “Shh, it’s okay,” The hybrid cooed while starting to pet my hair. It had been a long time since I had been hugged. Way too long. I had forgotten what that kind of kindness felt.

I was crying on the arms of the man who murdered Jenna. He had tried to kill anyone who I knew. And now I didn’t want him to let go of me. “I can’t..., I can’t...,” I sobbed any time I got full words out. I tried to push myself off of him, even if the idea made me sick at the same time. “Shh, it’s okay, shh,” Klaus whispered, he truly made me want this just more.

But slowly my sobs turned more quiet ones. The tears didn’t stop, they just turned silent. “Lets get you inside,” I nodded and I pulled myself out of the hug. My head was pounding and my eyes hurt. His hand fell to my back and directed me to a car.

But when he closed his side door, we both just sat there. “Do you want to go home?” His words woke me from coma.  I hummed hoping that he could understand the positive tone. I closed my eyes, listening the motor running. All the turns were so known. Those same streets I walked since I was a child. But the moment of peace was broken. “We are here...,” I opened my eyes, Elenas rooms light was still on. “Love?” It took a little bit too long for me to realize that Klaus was talking about me. I let a hum out, for a sign that I had heard him. “Are you sure you want to go there,” I nodded.

“Give me your phone,” I pulled my eyes from my home. I raised my eyebrows. But I didn’t want to fight. I picked my phone from my pocket, opening it and giving it to Klaus. I moved my gaze back to home, to Elenas window.

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I woke up to moaning. It wasn’t my favorite way to wake up, but I had the fate of my room being besides Elenas. I groaned and forced myself to get up. Part of me wanted to walk to my sisters room and yell at them to respect my sleep. But at the same time, I had no interest of seeing my sister and Stefan. The sun was just rising, but I had no plan to go back to bed.

So, I ended up taking shower and pulling some clothes on, not even looking what they were. I walked down stairs, ready to eat anything that was available. But opening the fridge showed me nothing. Except few bags of blood. Elena was always on the Salvatore house, this place had become the second home, not the first.

This house had lost the light it had only a year ago. My stomach turned around, my sister and Stafan were coming to downstairs.

I didn’t talk to the doppelgänger when I got back last night. I had just run to my room, locking the door behind me. “Hey!” Elena said little bit too happy. I hummed not sure if I could mimic the sound. “I’m going to say this only once..., don’t be so loud next time, please,” I said, sounding annoyed. My sister turned red. “Sorry...,” Stefan apologized instead.

Stefan had always been nice to me. He was kinder than Damon, but in all honesty, it doesn’t mean much. “You are coming with us to school,” Elena asked, but I knew what she wanted my answer to be. I granted her that wish. I shook my head. “Okay, we will get out then. We will go to get some food,” I didn’t say anything. And then I was alone. Standing in the kitchen. Two breaths later I went back to my room. I felt sick. Maybe, it was because of the breakdown last night. Or maybe it was because of the noises I had woken up to.

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I got to school 15 minutes late. My head was killing me. And like at work, or with most of my life I went into autopilot mode.

But I was brought back to consciences during a lunch break by the girls. “Hi Y/N! Are you coming to eat with us?” Said Caroline wrapping me into a hug. I had no time to answer when she was continuing already. “Well, I don’t really give you a chance to say no. I want to hear everything about your boyfriend,” Fuck me... Elena had shock blossoming in her face. “Caroline...,” I didn’t know what I could say. I had lied to them, but the lie was easier to understand than the truth.

“You didn’t tell me that you had a boyfriend...,”

Somehow Elena sounded heart broken. Like she hadn’t kept a whole world from me. A world that she was a part of, like her boyfriend, and Caroline, and Bonnie, God, even Jenna was a part of it. And now Tyler is a part of it. And she didn’t tell me shit.

“Don’t be mad Elena, she didn’t tell us. We just kind of figured it out,” Bonnie comforted my sister. “Lets go eat...,” I said and walking past them, not waiting for a response.

“Is he in this school?” Caroline asked when we had gotten to a table. I sighed and stuffed my mouth full of pizza. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK ME! What the fuck should I say?! I don’t have a boyfriend, I had just a weird time with the villains of this city.

“Y/N? Is he in this school?” Like always Caroline didn’t let go. I shook my head. It was more of a truth. He didn’t go to this school, because he didn’t even exist. “Then what school is he in? Or is he even in school anymore?” Bonnie asked. She usually didn’t pry on others relationships. “Can we just forget this?” I asked hoping that the subject could be changed.

“NO! We just want to know if we know him,” Caroline said truly getting annoyed by my non-answers. “No, is that enough,” I said. Caroline nodded but I knew the subject wasn’t over yet.

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The plans had been made. After school all of us would go to the Salvatore manor. Me, Caroline and Bonnie would go on Bonnies car, and Elena and Stefan with his car.

We were already walking to the parking lot with the girls, when I saw the suited Mikaelson next to the car that had saved me few days ago. And his eyes were on me. “Why is Elijah here?” I heard Bonnie say walking just behind me. I wanted to run away; his eyes were piercing my soul. And for my distaste Caroline walked to him like she would be ready to fight if needed to. Bonnie followed the blonde, so I forced my legs to move.

“What are you doing here?” Caroline asked and I wanted to step on her toes. “Don’t worry, I just need to change few words with Y/N,” I finally looked to his eyes. So, he is just going to expose me. “What is he talking about, Y/N?” Bonnie whispered behind me.

“Don’t worry, you will get her back in a moment,” Elijah made sure to ad on. Caroline and Bonnie looked me like I was an alien, before starting to walk back to Bonnies car.

“What’s wrong?” I asked wrapping my arms around my torso. “Last night, Klaus got home and was ready to murder everyone in this town..., so what was the reason behind it?” Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me. “I don’t know,” But I knew him knowing my lies. He could just listen my heart beat. And of course, he did it. “I think we are passed the stage of lying,” I bit my lip and ready to run back to the girls. “I had just a bad day, he just gave me a ride home..., I was upset, that’s it,” The truth was bitter in my mouth. Maybe, I shouldn’t tell him about my breakdown on his brothers arm. Elijah hummed turning to look at Bonnies car, the girls had gone inside.

“Have you talked to them..., about you feel?” I shook my head. “They are just thinking that I have a boyfriend...,” I said and felt small smile blooming on my face.

“So, it’s not true?”

“Do you really think that I would have a boyfriend?” I had to laugh; I didn’t think he would be this stupid.

“It wouldn’t be so out of the blew, Y/N,”

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 1 (C.E)

Part 2

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris wants to end your marriage and you decide to go along with it. You have to be civil for the sake of the kids but you are hurt. This process is too much for the both of you and eventually, it all ends.

Warnings: Angst all the way. 

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You had seen it coming from a mile. People say that a woman’s sixth sense is her greatest power. You always took pride in it but in this case, it was a curse. Chris and you have known each other for the past seven years and from those years, you were married for five. He was the love of your life. You thought it was forever but apparently you were wrong. You were wrong about so many things.

From the past six months, Chris has been home for a couple of days at most and then he was traveling. Traveling for work, for friends and whatnot. And for the days that he was here, he didn’t look at you like you were his wife, his soulmate. He looked at you like you were a stranger. Spending time with the kids was all he ever did and then came up with measly explanations to go off to bed early. There was no space left for you in his life. You thought that it was just a rough patch but that was not the case.

“(Y/N), we need to talk.” The determined look in his icy blue eyes said it all.

Taking a deep breath, you shakily replied, “Let me just put the kids to sleep.” Your energetic kids had tired out you for the whole day because you were off from work today. Chris had just come back from shooting and he didn’t give you a kiss like he usually did. In fact, he hadn’t kissed you like he meant it for several years now.

“I will be in the kitchen. You want wine?” He was walking away before you could even reply.

“Yeah, sure.” You mumbled out and you didn’t even know that he listened.

“Mommy, we are going to spend the whole day with you and daddy tomorrow?”  Mia and Jace have started to pick up on the fact that there was something going on between their parents. You wanted to keep all of this away from your four and two year old but it seems that you might have failed. You were failing at a lot of things right now.

“Yes, we will. Now, go to sleep.” It took you about half an hour to be put them to sleep and during that time, you were a wreck. There were a thousand possibilities running through your mind.

Coming back downstairs, Chris handed you the glass of wine, your favorite as always. He knew every little detail about you. “(Y/N), I don’t know how to say this but-”

“Before you finish that sentence, I just need to tell you that I promised the kids a day out tomorrow. Don’t ruin it.”

“I- I can’t say that.” Fiddling with his almost empty glass, he couldn’t bring it in himself to look at you. He was going to ruin this promise as well just like he was going to ruin everything.

“Just, go on.” You refilled the wine glass as you knew you needed the alcoholic haze to get through this conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore. This is just not what I want in my life anymore.” Your breath hitched and your heart broke into tiny little pieces.

Exact words were what you needed to hear right now. No vague statements. “What do you mean? What can’t you do?”

“This. This relationship. I think I am done. I am truly sorry, (Y/N).”

“Is- Is there someone else?” It was as if a ball was lodged in your throat and you couldn’t bring yourself to talk coherently. Fluently.

Chris looked at you, horrified. How could you even say that? He would never in a million years even think about cheating on you. Dignity was an important trait for Chris and if he ever cheated, he wouldn’t be able to look at himself. It hurt him that you would even consider this as a reason but he couldn’t blame you.

“No! This is not the reason. Not at all.” A defensive attitude was immediately taken up by your husband.

“Then is it me? Am I not enough for you?” Hot tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t have the energy to wipe them out.

“It is not you, darling. I just don’t think this is what I want with my life anymore. I want to solely focus on my career.”

“You are choosing your career over your family.” As the realization started to hit you, you couldn’t control the anger that took over you. “Over your family, Chris?”

“(Y/N) I am just done. I want an out and can we please try to be civil about this?” He pleaded.

“You want me to be civil about this? Fine.” You took a calming breath and closed your eyes for a second. “Just explain it to me. Maybe we can work something out.”

“I can’t- I don’t know how to explain it. Seven months ago I just woke up and I didn’t want to do this anymore. I want to start over.” A shocking chill passed through your body and you realized that it was hurt. You were betrayed.

“So you don’t want to do anything with me or the kids as well?”

“No. I want to be a part of their lives and-”

You looked him in the eyes and spoke in a broken voice, “It’s just me that you want out of your life.”

“Darling, no-” Chris tried to reach out for your hand but you placed them on your hands. He had lost the right to touch you from the moment he said that he didn’t want you. You were just a problem for him that needed to be solved.

There were years when he needed you every step of the way. Chris met you at a party that Scarlett threw. You were her best friend so you were invited to her New Year’s party. The moment he saw you, he was head over heels. He followed you around for two months to get you to go on a date with him. You used to tease him afterwards that he was a love sick puppy. But he was your love sick puppy.

That was not the case now and you didn’t know what you will do if he wasn’t in your life anymore. Your world revolved around your family but now it was all falling apart. You were falling apart.

“We can file for divorce tomorrow. Do you want to stay here tonight?” Wiping your tears, you got up from the stool and put the glasses in the sink.

“Uhh okay, okay. I can stay with Scott tonight.”

This was not what he expected. He expected you to cry, fight, scream. He thought there would be more discussion on this topic. Seven years were going to waste and you were treating this as a simple business transaction. Truth be told, you didn’t want him to see you fall apart. Chris had lost that right. If he didn’t want a life with you, then you were not going to beg him to stay. You were going to fulfill his wish and set him free.

“We have to take the kids out tomorrow. I was thinking the park.”

“What?” He was too distracted by everything to even realize what you were talking about.

“We will talk to them about the divorce tomorrow.”

“Isn’t this going a little too fast?”

“We should get this all over with as soon as possible. Goodbye, Chris.” Silently pecking him on his cheek, you went to your shared bedroom.

The moment your head touched the pillow, you were surrounded by his scent. The dam burst and you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your face and getting soaked up by the cushions. What were you going to do with your life now? You had to come up with a plan to manage the kids together with Chris. You had to think about getting a job that would accommodate your kids in to it now that you were going to be a single parent. You didn’t get a wink of sleep last night and you cried a lot.

On the other hand, Chris was not doing any better. Scott gave him the spare guest room to sleep in. He didn’t know what was going on between his brother and you but he knew it was serious. Chris couldn’t sleep last night either because he was not used to. This was the first time in seven years that you both were in the same city and you were not sleeping together. You wouldn’t be sleeping with him from now on. He has to get used to that idea. The idea of you not being there every step of the way because this was his own doing. He was dreading tomorrow as he was the one who was destroying his family.

“Hi. I was just here to pick you all up.” Guilt washed over him when he noticed your red puffy eyes and eye bags.

“You didn’t have to. We could have come there by ourselves.”

“We always go to the park together. It is our thing.”

“We can’t do all of these things now. Everything is going to change.”

“Right.” You moved towards the kitchen and he followed you like a lost puppy.

“Daddy!” Both kids ran up to him and clinged to his legs like two little monkeys.

“Hey babies.” He held on to them a little bit longer because he knew he was the one who was ruining their little lives.

“Where were you? Missed your pancakes. Mama doesn’t make good.” Mia hadn’t learned to make full sentences yet but Chris understood her perfectly.

“I was busy, baby. I- I-”

“Go get your shoes on. We are going to be late.” You saved him from the conversation because he looked like a deer caught in headlight. Chris couldn’t answer his daughter as this was how it was going to be. He wouldn’t be there for all of this. The important phases. Jace’s first soccer win, his first award, or Mia’s first school day, her first break up, her prom. He was going to miss most of them because you would be there with them while he will get them for weekends mostly.

“Let’s go.” Buckling his kids in, he sat in the driver’s seat. When he pulled out of the garage, his hand instinctively went for yours. It was out of pure instinct. You retracted your hand immediately and Chris just drew in a shaky breath, He was not allowed to touch you now.

“I am taking them to the swings. Do you want to come with?”

“No, I am just going to my usual spot to read my book.” There was a maple tree that had been your spot for the past five years. It was where you rested and caught up with your reading.

“Okay.”

The next hour was spent with Chris going on to every swing with his kids. He didn’t want to miss anything. Plus, he didn’t know how he could sit with you under the tree that held so many memories. You told him that you will marry him under this tree and that you were pregnant with Jace. It was all too much. You couldn’t focus on your reading when this might be the last time you get to see him with your kids. The last time you were together as husband and wife. This might be the last time because Chris wanted you out of his life.

“Hey, kids. We have to talk to you.” You finally gathered up some courage when they all came to sit beside you. Chris couldn’t bring himself to start up this conversation so he was glad that you did.

“Yeah, Mommy?”

“So you know how your friend Oliver’s parents don’t live together but they still love him very much.”

“Yeah.” Jace’s whole concentration was on his ice cream but he still nodded his head to indicate that he was listening. Mia was too young to comprehend it all so you mainly focused on your son.

“Well, Daddy and I are going to be doing the same thing. We love you both very much and we will always there be with you.”

“But Ollie’s daddy doesn’t live with him.” His blue eyes focused on the two of you when he made the statement.

“Yeah, buddy. I will be staying at an apartment really near by. You both can come whenever you want to.”

“You won’t be there to read us night stories or make our favorite brekky?” His question threw Chris off guard and he froze in his place.

“He will be there to do everything for you guys. Mia and you can go to daddy’s place and he can do all this.” You jumped in when you noticed that Chris didn’t know how to respond to all this. “Right, Chris?”

“Yes, that’s right. Nothing is going to change, buddy.” Wiping away his tears, your husband placed him on his lap with Mia.

“Promise?” Mia spoke up this time because she understood that her daddy wouldn’t live with her like he always did.

“Promise. Let’s go back to the house. You both look tired.”

You placed Mia on her bed while Chris did the same for Jace. They both were out the moment they were buckled in their car seats. Coming downstairs, you prepared coffee for Chris and yourself. He always liked his coffee black so that’s what you made for him. The cup was placed in front of him and he sighed because no one made coffee like you.

“Our lawyer said that he will have the papers delivered to us by tomorrow.”

“Okay, I saw this new apartment building when I was coming here this morning. I might rent it out. The penthouse has three rooms. One for the kids and one is the guest bedroom. You can stay there when you bring the kids over.” He looked at you with a defensive position.

“I won’t be staying at your apartment so please don’t take me into consideration.” You didn’t understand why he thought you would ever stay over at his place. You would never subject yourself to that kind of pain.

“But there can be special circumstances and my home will always be open for you, (Y/N). We can still be friends.” He was hoping against all hope that you would agree. He still wanted you in his life.

“I don’t think I can do that. Be friends. There is too much history. Let’s just keep it to the kids right now.” You picked on your nails because you didn’t want to cry like a little girl in front of him. “And I am going to change houses as well so do you want to sell this one?”

“Why do you have to move?” Chris was shocked to hear those words come out of your mouth.

“I can’t live in a house that was meant to be our family house. I just can’t.”

He understood where you were coming from but this house held too many memories. He couldn’t think of another family living here. Some couple living in your master bedroom, some kids running around in your children’s playground, some other family’s picture instead of yours. It was just too much to think about.

“Let’s just keep the house. When the kids grow up, they can have it.”

“Okay. I am tired right now so I am going to bed. I will sign the papers tomorrow and send them over to Scott’s.” You placed the empty mug on the counter and stood in a straight posture. “You want the kids this weekend?”

“Yes, I would like that. Do you want to maybe come with us?” He didn’t know why he was not ready to let you go yet. This was all his doing but he just couldn’t accept it right now.

“Umm no. I think we should settle the kids into this new routine.”

“I guess you are right.”

“Goodbye, Chris. I love you and I will always love you.” You regretted the words that came out of your mouth the instant you said them. You were so stupid but you just couldn’t help yourself. This was probably the last time you ever got to say it.

“I- I love you too, (Y/N). I will always be there for you. Goodbye, darling.” The lump in his throat seemed to grow bigger by the second but he had to say this. Lightly pecking you on the lips, he knew this was the last time he ever got to do this. He left afterwards and you couldn’t help but tear up. The same thing happened with Chris. This was it. Your marriage was over but your love would always be there.

Hope you guys liked it!!

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A/N: I literally cried while writing this fan fiction. This one is particularly close to my heart so please let me know what you think about it. If you want to be added to my tag list, message me. I am also open to requests for this series; requests, blurbs, anything.

P.S: There is a part 2 as well.

Tag list: @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet , @luckyladycreator2

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