#but it has to be said i am a barking dog like the vibes are wild

[non-un-topo]

Comparing my transition to lycanthropy is my new favourite thing

[kaiju-krew]

Hey there! Firstly, big big fan of your art and headcanons, ty for your cool and awesome big brain ❤️ Now that you’ve seen the movie, I’m wondering what your thoughts are on Shimo??? I’ve just seen impressions of her so scattered. (I saw your post on how she will NOT be treated as a pet, and I so appreciate that.)

I will say, for me the ‘old gal’ vibes are so strong and I’m here for it. Like when Goji blasts his atomic breath into the sky at the end and she’s looking at it with such awe and her cute super gummy smile, it reminds me of when a grandma gets shown some common piece of technology that the rest of us are used to, but she just can’t heckin believe it because she lives in a damn cave??? I loved that.

hi hi! omg u think i have a big brain...... compliment of the century.... i must have ppl fooled bcuz i am viscerally dumb most of the time

anywAYS. gxk spoilers below (and a lot of ranting)

shimo my beloved💙 i appreciate most interpretations of her, besides people who are just straight up caling her a dog. and like, not in the way i’d compare goji to a cat? for me it's more mannerisms based, so for goji my main expression/mannerism inspirations are cats, wolves, and komodo dragons (obviously), and for mosu it's owls and cats, with a crumb of horses because of their 'ear' communication so i use that with her antennae.

sorry for tangent but anyways. i dont need someone barking at me that i call goji a cat/draw him acting like a cat so calling shimo ‘kong’s pet dog’ is fine. i think its the difference between goji having the personality i characterize him with + mannerisms inspired by other animals, vs. him having no personality besides Being A Cat. like, he’s a dumbfuck but he’s clearly an intelligent creature capable of communication and understanding. i make a lot of shitposts but truly in my personal hc i’d never reduce him to ‘pet level intelligence’

i think i’m extra touchy about people calling her ‘kong’s pet’ because like. dawg. did you watch the movie? she was JUST freed from being skar’s slave/beast of burden/abused pet whatever you wanna call it. why would you want her to become another creature’s pet again?(obviously minus the abuse) idk mannn it just feels…. reductive somehow. she clearly shows intelligence and understanding when she realizes what’s happening during the fight and helps to kill skar. i just refuse to reduce her entire character to kong’s pet status bcuz that makes me uncomfortable asf.

as a disclaimer, you’re welcome to have whatever hc you enjoy. me expressing my personal thoughts on the matter isn’t an attack on anyone who characterizes her that way, i’m just not interested in engaging with it in the slightest.

DOUBLE ANYWAYS i just needed to get that outta my system. TIME FOR CUTE FUN IDEAS YAHOOO

i’m seeing mixed info about her age so idk where she actually sits there?? i remember seeing something like she’s the First Titan but i also think the novelization of the movie said she’s only 3 million years old?? when im p sure they’ve said goji is 250+ million years old so…. i have no clue there lol. personally she feels less jaded and grumpy than goji does to me so my brain automatically sees her as similar or younger bcuz of my Grumpy Old Man bias.

i’m still workin out my ideas for her but based on how the movie ends i like to think she helps kong with relocating the apes to a better home, and they mostly live in HE. her n kong venture up for surface dates bcuz she gets what she fucking deserves 💙

goji nearly has an aneurysm the first time they come up, since mosu literally takes them for a lil tour of monster island. bro standing there clenching his fist like the arthur meme, he begrudgingly knows she’s right and eventually he gets used to it

i got more ideas cookin for her but this post is already too damn long cuz of my ranting time to stfu

SHIMO BEST GIRL 10/10

[hannahssimblr]

I wait for her to finish her story about the Abercrombie bags and then I pull her into me so that we can kiss for a while, and I like her then, once I’ve ignored the disquiet in my head, turned it down so that it’s more of a niggling annoyance somewhere in the background of my mind.

“Did you know that being with you feels like being in a movie?” She whispers as I help her out of her top, and I almost admit to her that I do that on purpose, and that it’s really not hard to climb up onto her balcony like Romeo and orchestrate that perfect vibe when I could have probably come in through the scullery door instead and saved myself the effort, especially since she evidently didn't even get the reference.

“It’s just kinda how I am, I guess,” I say, and am suddenly a bit disgusted with the simpering way I say it and the stupid little half shrug I do to accompany it. If any of my friends knew that I am like this behind closed doors they would give me some devastating nickname that would haunt me for the rest of my life and probably, deservedly, destroy my reputation. 

Clóda doesn’t see it like that, I know by the look on her face that to her I am an exotic, suave American boy who can buy her Abercrombie T–shirts and will punctuate a chain of hickeys on her neck that she can flaunt to her friends.

“Do you want to keep going?” I ask her, “How close are your parents?”

“They’re in the sitting room below, we’d have to be really quiet…”

I bite my lip, “and how bad is it if I make noise?”

“Are you serious? Really bad. My dad does not like you, and I’m already on thin ice since he found out I was lying about camping.”

“Wait, he found out about that?”

“Yeah because of the ticks on me, remember? I said they were from Rachel’s dog. Well the other day my mam saw her mam at the newsagents and asked her how her dog was, and she said that he never even had any ticks. Then they figured out that I’ve been lying about where I’ve been.”

I stare at her incredulously, “so where did you say you were?”

She glances away, “well, they questioned me for ages, and I tried not to say anything, but eventually I kind of didn’t have a choice but to say that I was with you.”

Heat rises to the top of my head, “So they know.”

“Yeah, but it’s fine… Well, like, they’re really annoyed with me and I suppose they’d be annoyed with you too if they were to see you, but-”

“Clóda, I’m certain they are livid with me. What am I even doing here, are you serious? Why did you invite me over?”

“Because I’m grounded.”

“You’re-” I get up and begin to yank my shoes on, “You’re grounded? Great. Wow, yeah it was a great idea to come here.”

She has an utterly perplexed look on her face as she sits up and watches me fumble with my laces, “Are you leaving?”

“For Christ sake, yes. Of course I’m leaving. I don’t feel like being castrated by your dad.”

“But I won’t see you until I’m done being grounded if you don’t come over…”

“Yeah, well just text me when you’re out, then.”

“In a week?”

“Yeah, let’s give it a week, huh?”

I exit swiftly through the balcony door and leap over the railings and down the side of the sunroom. I land in a hedge and several branches snap noisily. A dog barks in the garden, a porch light comes on but it’s okay, because by then I’m already gone. I am back on my bicycle and riding back toward the beach under the cover of night before anybody can catch sight.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[icravebooks]

Troubled paradise

Yoongi x reader

Genre:arranged marriage au, strangers to fiance to partner??, crack?? Angst if you squint your eyes. Ceo yoongi, spoiled brat reader, Richie rich vibes.

Summary: yoongi wanted to get some sleep before the dreaded day but seems like you and your idiot trio has plans to ruin his night. Yoongi seem to learn something very important to you thanks to the drinks.

Warning: mention of alcohol, reader is hella drunk, she is a light drinker, yoongi is jelly, maknae line are the reason yoongi is jelly, *takes a deep breath* THEY ARE KISSING!! Domestic yoongi, yoongi making pancakes, yoongi being a caring husband even before they get married.

Word count: 10k

Part 1, part 2

Part 3

Isn't it common for people to get cold feet a day before their marriage?, but what about when you Don't even know why you are getting married?, or what about when you are not sure what you feel for your partner ?, yoongi always had one rule, if feelings get overwhelming, sleep. He didn't like the anxiety and many might think he doesn't feels a thing but he does.

So to counter that yoongi opted to sleep, he was supposed to get a good amount of sleep before facing the dreaded day, now supposed to and did are different for a reason and we all know when one is to be married with a spoiled troublemaker they must stay on there toes at all given times, poor yoongi didn't though.

A groan escaped his lips at the sound of his phone going off again and again, he rolled on his bed looking at the digital alarm clock beside his bed.

02:00 a.m.

A sigh escaped yoongi's lips as he braced himself to listen to you speak about some weird ass theory over Bermuda triangle or whatever it is you decided is a worthy topic for today, sliding the answer button he brought the phone to his ear to speak only for his mouth to stop half agape when the sounds from other side made his eyebrows furrow.

The sound of you giggling along with the muffled voices probably arguing and wait..was that a dog barking ?, where the heck were you?, yoongi felt a surge of nerves blasting through his veins at the possibilities that outlined this situation.

"Where are you y/n?" Yoongi tried to keep the panic or irritation out of his voice, you were supposed to be home right now, he knew your parents didn't let you move out of their house because of the very said title you carry around, now the question was how were you not home and somewhere out with God knows who.

".where am I?.." the sound of your probably drunk giggles followed your slurred words making yoongi even more frustrated, his one hand flew to his forehead to massage a starting ache down while he tried to digest the fact that you were drunk too, the muffled voices from behind you became more clear, probably a bantering about what you guys should eat.

Yoongi recognised the voice it was none other than the troubling trio, "are you with the guys?" Yoongi tried to gain your attention who was humming and whining for reasons entirely unknown to him (pineapple pizza wasn't exactly a good take out option), "yes!..OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW!" He had to pull his face a good distance away from his phone, damn why were you shouting at freaking 2 in the morning, yoongi couldn't help but grit his teeths in anger, great you were out with males so late at night.

Yoongi could feel the acidic burn of jealousy in the pit of his stomach and why shouldn't he be?, those idiots let you drink such late at night and yoongi knew you weren't good with alcohol, you rarely drank and you were extremely an honest,clumsy drinker, your words not his.

"You should be home right now." Yoongi gritted out not trying to keep his calm with how far gone you sounded, "come on yoongi it's my wedding tomorrow let me be a free bird." You whined obviously pouting at his words, yoongi could already see you pouting in his mind looking hazed and wasted. That image didn't help if anything it made the acidic feeling burn brighter.

"Come on sweets leave your damn husband to be alone for one night." It was probably jungkook yes even he sounded a little drunk but was still better than you, yoongi could hear the other two morons snickering at Jungkook's words while you grumbled, "jk's right jelly beans tonight you are ours." You might have missed the flirty tone in taehyung's tone because you were drunk (or clearly used to it) but yoongi wasn't and he didn't liked the fact that they were flirting with his wife while he had to sit back and listen to you giggling and laughing like a fucking giddy teenager.

"Y/n send me the location now." Yoongi demanded his voice dropping down a few octaves to make sure that you knew there was no room for arguments, he could hear you whining the sound making him want to scoff, even drunk you are bratty, "babes where are we?" Your voice sounded hazy like you were close to dozing off, yoongi raised an eyebrow in amusement his face morphing between frustration and amused, did you just call one of those idiots baby??

"We are at kookie's troubled paradise, just how many drinks did you let her have Tae?" Jimin was trying to scold Tae but if anything his voice sounded smug and amused no traces of any concern or worry lacing his tone, if yoongi gritted his teeth with a little more force he could turn his teeth into powder. It wasn't that yoongi didn't trust your friends, he knew they wouldn't harm you intentionally but they were all drunk and let's just say yoongi didn't wanted to see you getting to close to anyone of them in that hazy state of yours.

"Don't leave I am coming to get you." Yoongi had to be calm he reminded himself you were probably not going to remember anything you did or said but that just increased the risk of you being reckless a hundred percent more, he could hear the men groaning on the other end probably hearing yoongi's command, wait he was on speaker?, just what kinda drunk are you?!

"This is not fair sweets, we wanted to give you a proper goodbye single life party."

"Exactly jelly beans we are just getting started remember we decided on three D's for the night."

"Drink, Dumplings and Dick Sweets you can't add ditch in the list."

Yoongi's steps halted just inches away from touching the floor, Dumplings and what?, dick??, they were trying to get you laid?, and that to a night before your wedding??(not exactly even a night before), if yoongi was feeling jealous before he was now God knows what, pictures of you flashed in his mind in a rather compromising position.

"Sorry yoongi I am not coming with you." Like heck you wouldn't, yoongi didn't had to think when he left his room letting the door swings open with a lot more force than was needed, snatching his keys from the stand next to his television set. All the while you were busy giggling at the idiots cheering, what was wrong with you all.

"Woah that's like our girl now should we decide whose d you are taking first."

Okay that has to be the last straw, yoongi swears that if he found you sitting even close to one of them he was going to commence an offence unforgivable by law, and you had the nerve to hum like you were really giving it a thought, "I don't know, you All are hot." Yoongi couldn't help punching the wall on his way out, shutting the door to his apartment with a loud thud (thankfully the complex has sound proof walls.)

"Y/n!" There was a barking tone in his voice, jaw clenched tight while he could hear you giggle not realising just how far you had pushed his button, he knew you had been trying to do this for sometime now and congratulation to you, you just succeeded.

"Whaat ?! yoongi caan't you see wait let me rephrrase thaat can't you heaar wee we are tryying to haave a important discussion, so shhh." Why were you pushing his buttons even more?, was it a prank or something?, Why would you want to make yoongi pissed so much that he would have to hold himself back from breaking a few glasses or doors maybe (as hot as that would be.).

Yoongi remember the ten second rule he made for everytime his anger got the best of him, just take in deep breathes hold it in count till ten and then.."maybe we could do a foursome."

You know what?, fuck it! Yoongi would rather just smash some glasses or maybe throw hands with whoever he makes eye contact with on his way to you, "y/n! I am gonna say this the last time don't you dare to more even a finger from where you are sitting, if I find anyone and I say anyone within 5 meter radius of you, I swear I am gonna kill them with my bare hands and the blame would be on you."

Yoongi detonated growling like a mad man (not raising his voice might I add) not caring if you were drunk or weren't able to register his words in proper sense, he was going to engraved them on your mind when he gets to you. He would make sure you remember not to test him again.

You didn't reply scoffing at his biting tone he would keep note of that, later he would make it up to you for that but right now all he needed was you to sit back and listen to him.

"You don't even know the address yoongi." There was a drunk innocent giggly smug in your comment, yoongi couldn't help the evil smirk that turned his lips, "oh love how innocent you are." There was sarcasm dripping from his tone as he made his way to his car, yoongi wasn't stupid you were going to be his wife (clearly not because he was interested in you) and he needed to know just whom you hanged out with and if they possessed any danger to you or where to find you incase he needed.

You gave him a questioning hum in response clearly out of your wits to understand his comment, "I am on my way y/n stay put." Yoongi instructed turning on the ignition before hitting the gas.

*******************************************

"Sweets?"

"Hmm?"

"Y/n?"

"What kookie?"

"Umm I really don't think I wanna die before attending your wedding." Jungkook declared trying to push you off his lap while you were too drunk to care, his words did made you feel wounded so you pulled away from the crook of his neck pouting at the muscular bunny, you poked his right cheek with your index finger giggling at how soft his cheeks were.

"Why would you die?" You questioned pouting sadly at Jungkook's words, jungkook sighed looking even more sober than moments earlier, he grabbed your wrist softly bringing the back of it to his lips and placing a chaste kiss to it, There was so much adoration in his eyes that even your hazy brain register some of it.

"Yoongi might show up any moment now sweets and as much as I love you dear bestie get off me before he murders me for probably compromising his innocent wife." Jungkook gently picked you up from his lap (your whining and protests falling into deaf ears.) like you weighted nothing and placed you beside him on the sofa keeping a good distance from you, you just whined pouting like a 5 years old throwing a tantrum while your other two best friends snickered.

"I am glad we added the three d thing on that call." Jimin whispered to taehyung smirking evily, taehyung took a sip of his drink nodding his head in agreement his eyes fixed on your form which was sitting there with her arms folded back pressed against the couch meanwhile that cute little pout was still on your lips, they were trying to get a rise from you about how you felt about yoongi but all they got was things like he is a good sport or something along the line, they were quite amused that you were still being so tight lipped even after being drunk.

That brought the call plan into affect and it wasn't much hard to convince you to act along with them let's just say you were easier to manipulate when drunk. "I say it was a rather bad idea, that man could really kill one of us." Jungkook reasoned keeping the fear off his tone, his bambi eyes wide as a shudder shook his body.

"Yoongi's not that bad." Your voice was small almost squeaky and cute like you were talking to a 2 years old, the boys raised an eyebrow looking at you with a new found amusement which didn't lasted long when the doorbell was jammed in rather non graceful way.

The boys exchanged a glance, jungkook swallowing thickly, taehyung rolling his eyes while jimin just smirked smugly waiting for you to acknowledge the arrival, jimin stood from his seat letting the younger bunny off his misery and going to answer the door which when he did brought you out of your reiver, "is the pizza here?!" Yoongi exhaled heavily passing jimin without even giving him a second glance (if his side murderous glare doesn't counts) and walking into the living room of Jungkook's penthouse.

There you were eyes wide and sparkling while you wobbled a little from standing up too quick (pizza was worth a try), your hand grabbing your head probably spinning because of how quick you stood up giving taehyung the perfect opportunity to do the last touch to their plan, taehyung rushed to your side grabbing your arms softly as he turned your around to check in on you.

You shoot him a drunk smile giving a thumbs up to tell him that you were okay when you saw the question clear in his eyes,he would have still done it even if it was not part of the plan but to say that yoongi was riled at that simplest of act would be understatement, he stalked closer to you both ripping you (gently) from taehyung's hold and turning you around so that you were now facing him.

Taehyung just raised an eyebrow, his eyes flashing the amusement barely concealed with a questioning look on his face, yoongi just rolled his eyes keeping his hold on your firm but gentle, your eyebrows furrowed your gaze moving up to meet the face of the man you would be referring to as your husband in a few couple of hours.

Your face lightened up at the registration of his face, "yoongi!" You squeaked throwing your arms around the man's neck and tiptoeing to place a quick kiss to his cheek, yoongi froze his eyes widening while they moved down to look at your faces inches away from his, face flushed with the alcohol in your system and that damn giggle he had been hearing for an hour now.

The other three just stood there observing the exchange and stealing meaning full eye conversation, they knew this wasn't as simple as an arranged marriage, they knew even before this night when you had been talking non stop about how you pushed yoongi's limits and when you particularly went to his office to create a scene because he didn't even consider coming to the dress trial.

So they weren't surprised by the way yoongi looked like someone had dropped a box of blushing powder on his face or the way you were grinning up at him, "you should join us we just orders Dumplings, do you like Dumplings?!! It's okay if you don't we ordered pizza too!!, wait you like pizza right?!" You ranted on not giving the poor guy whose heart your just made run a marathon a chance to speak.

"Yeah you should join us." It was Jungkook's offer that made yoongi snap out of your magical trance, his eyes turned into narrow slits as he fixed his glare at the males around you. "This was all your plan wasn't it?" Yoongi's glare was fixed on jimin who just smiled innocently before pouting and shrugging his shoulder like he didn't knew what yoongi was talking about.

"Don't be mean to jimin he was trying to give me a good farewell." Your small slurry voice came from below while you wrapped your arms around yoongi's torso and snuggled closer to his chest, burying your face in his t-shirt humming in delight at how good he smelled.

Yoongi rolled his eyes trying to conceal the fact that you were this close to him, he was glad that you were drunk enough to not register just how fast his heart was beating.

"the parties over I am taking her with me." Yoongi announced before detaching himself from you (reluctantly), he looked at the male gathering if anyone of them were going to protest but they just nodded, it surprised yoongi slightly it made him feel like there was something fishy but he didn't questioned. As long as you were leaving it didn't matter.

"Don't take her to her parent's they will not take it kindly." Taehyung added not wanting you to get in trouble because of them, yoongi already knew that. he wasn't stupid to take you to your parents when he knew this would again be one of the reason they will make you feel like you are a disappointment, he knew it well but when he saw the way the boys cared about you he couldn't deny that he felt grateful that you surrounded yourself with them.

"Bye jelly beans." Taehyung sang cheerfully when you turned around and hugged him, yoongi tried to keep the acidic feeling down knowing it was just a casual friends hug not ripping taehyung off you even when taehyung placed a kiss on your forehead (yoongi thinks glaring daggers don't count as anything), you hummed sleepily hugging taehyung tightly before you walked to jungkook and placed a quick kiss to his forehead meanwhile giggling and almost tripping over his foot, jungkook didn't looked up knowing exactly well that yoongi was trying to bore a whole in his skull.

"Bye kookieee." You sang before walking to where jimin was wobbling and swaying a little, you almost fell but was thankfully saved by jimin who just smiled all angelic at you like he wasn't the one who got your man pissed, "you owe us one d." Jimin stated placing a kiss on your cheek while you just nodded, yoongi gritted his teeth clenching his jaw to keep himself from punching jimin Square at the face, jimin wasn't like his other two friends he loved playing people's patience for fun but knew when to stop.

He knew he was safe till the moment you were around to handle yoongi (no matter if you were drunk), he let his eyes trail back to yoongi a mischievous glint in his eyes paired with his mischievous smile, "I meant Dumplings." He drawled wiggling his eyebrows suggestively just to rile yoongi even further.

"Ofcourse I am not gonna suc.." heaven help yoongi if you ever completed that sentence he butt in before you could, placing his hand on your shoulder making you stop talking and turn to look at him, your vision dancing making you see two of him before they merged into one and you grinned like a giddy teenager.

"It late, we need to leave." Yoongi stated calmly not wasting a second to grab your hand with his and intertwining his fingers with yours, your just smiled happily not objecting not saying Any other word as he grabbed your hand and guided you to the elevator.

He didn't say anything the whole way to his car neither did he say anything when he helped you into the passenger seat and helped you buckle up trying his best not to let his mind wander at the fact that you were so close that he could smell the alcohol infused with your damn coffee vanilla scent, if he gets his hand on which brand of perfumes you use he would make sure to buy it and make sure that it was only you who could smell like that.

"Are we going for a drive?" You questioned excited when yoongi started to drive finally your alcohol driven brain registered that you weren't anymore in Jungkook's pent house but in yoongi's rather luxurious car, yoongi just sighed smiling softly at the fact how you looked even more younger now that you were drunk.

"We are going home love." Yoongi informed keeping his eyes fixed on the Road not seeing how your face dropped, you went silent your alcohol brain going into a whole turbulence over the word home, it was only when yoongi realised that you had been silent far too long for being you, did he turned his eyes in your direction to see the way you were biting your lower lip trying to stopping them from quivering, his whole body tensed when he saw the sorrow on your face.

"Hey y/n what's wrong?" He kept his voice gentle to not scare you further his hands coming to grab yours and give it a little squeeze that was all it took for you to break into sobs your hands moving to your face to hide your face totally forgetting that yoongi had one of yours hands in his now it was wet with your breamed tears.

"I don't wanna go home." Your muffled cracked voice sounding even more small because of how much you were crying it made yoongi's heart feel twisted in pain, he looked away at the road sighing trying to find words to comfort you. Yoongi was never good with feelings and comforting others wasn't something he would ever master on but he had to try atleast there something that he could do for you considering he had first hand experience inthe outcome of toxic parenting.

It's so hard to deal with toxic parenting when people don't seem to understand in what sense the toxicity exist, different people bring in different opnion and most people try to wave the toxicity off with the reasoning of rebellious children, yoongi knows what it is like to feel like a failure, to not be good enough even for the people that brought you into this world to consider you enough, he knows that it is in all actuality the mistake of parents but it's far easier to blame maturing minds than those minds that have attained maturity according to society no matter how toxic and bullshitty they are, yoongi's heart teared at the sound of yours sobs, he made a promise to himself that starting today you won't be subject to this, he will never allow that, you are his starting today (doesn't matters that you are still to exchange vows) and he will make sure that no one and no one has the right to say anything mean to you.

Yoongi was so lost in his thought that He didn't see it coming the sound of the clicking of the door lock made his eyes widened and he whipped his head in your direction so quick that it would have gave him whiplash, "y/n! what are you doing?!" Yoongi yelled placing a hand at your torso to keep you flushed against the seat while he brought the car to a rather sudden halt feeling thankful for having you buckled up and for reacting quickly, a second late and you could have opened that damn door and God help him had you been harmed while under his watch.

"I don't wanna go home." You mumbled head hanging down with embarrassment or whatever it was your drunken brain was registering, a exasperated sigh sounded from yoongi his one hand still firmly pressed against your torso and the other he was using to rack through his hairs.

"That doesn't mean you jump out of a moving car." He scolded letting his tone raise at you for the first time, his heart was in his throat he could feel the pounding just what were you thinking, his eyes were dark and hard on your figure, his breathe a little raged at your stupid act, you could have hurt yourself, yoongi was sure that if he had a list on things not to let you do drinking would make the top of it. (In bold letter with exclamation marks for emphasis.)

He bit his inner bottom lip when you flinch at the slight raise of his tone instant guilt hitting him, this is why he didn't wanted to raise his voice at you, this is what he feared, he feared seeing just how bad were you traumatised, he didn't like the fact that you were starting to take a toll on him, gosh the way he wanted to confront your parents the way he wanted to make you sit back and listen to just how absolutely divine you were.

Wait..was he..okay now wasn't the time to confront emotions not when you were a flight risk, he took in a few deep breathes eyes still fixed on your figure, it was when he knew that he was in control enough to talk to you he finally decided to speak. "I am not gonna take you to your parents, I am taking you to my apartment it is your house starting today anyways." He made sure he was as soft spoken and gentle as he could be with being sleep deprived, jealous attacks and a random almost suicide attempt by a drunk you.

Your eyes flew to meet his right when he stopped talking your lower lip jutted out still trembling a little while your small sniffs filled the silence, you didn't say anything just stayed silent nodding before turning back to look ahead of you, yoongi watched you with a perplexed expression not sure if he could trust you to do that whole stupidity again with just how out of your mind you were at the moment, finding no definite answer and not wanting to risk your safety he did the one thing he knew was a terrible idea. (In his mind it wasn't but he is too stubborn to admit that.)

He snorted closing his eyes and fisting his hands tight his jaw clenched trying to summon even single ounce of resistance he could before opening his eyes and unbuckling his seatbelt followed by him leaned in towards you and proceeding to undo your seat belt which was accompanied by him pulling back a little so that he could pick you up from yours seat, his one hands going behind your back to hold you and the other slipping beneath yours knees.

You just sat there smiling looking at how perfectly flawless model like skin he had now that you looked from this close, hands itching to just move forward and touch his cheeks but stopping yourself because of how he had scolded you a moment earlier, a squeak left your mouth when he picked you up effortlessly and situated you both on the driver seat your legs dangling on one side while your were seated on his lap, his one arm encircled around your waist the other placing your head on his chest so that he could drive without any issues. (Not because he wanted to)

"Stay still." He instructed voice strained, trying to deny that fact that you felt so good against him, " I can for a life time." You mumbled flirting even in that hazed out state making yoongi roll his eyes while he didn't hide the smile that tugged the corner of his lips. Your hands reaching up to poke his cheeks giggling at the softness of his cheeks, yoongi tried hard to not smile at how warm and fuzzy his inside felt at the site of you like this, yoongi wouldn't admit but he agreed with you statement from moments earlier, he could stay like this for a lifetime.

You were snuggled up against him mumbling something or the other trying to be a smart mouth even in this wasted state, yoongi couldn't deny how he could feel desire growing within his viens at how your lips kept moving against his clothed chest, he tried hard to restrain himself, his hand that was wrapped around your waist was rubbing soothing circles anything to just relieve the growing uneasy he put himself in, his other hand holding the steering wheel so tight his knuckles had turned even more white. This night has to be one of the craziest one, His limits were being tested in all possible ways and who was responsible, you a rather drunk you who had no idea what you were actually doing.

You were totally oblivious to the way you were making him feel, totally zoned out to give a shit as you lazily hummed drawing patterns on his chest, you were being a torture yoongi had to use all his self restrain to not do something about it, he couldn't help cursing the idiot three for the state you were in, finding it obnoxious that they let you be this way.

It wasn't until yoongi had made it back to his apartment complex and had parked his car that he mustered the courage to look at you, and when he did he felt oxygen leaving his lungs you were already looking at him, and what with that look in your eyes. Not wanting to let his desires control him and mess up with your totally wasted self he helped you out of his car and carried you bridal style (excuse being that you would probably fall) to his apartment.

"Are we sleeping together?" You lazily questioned flashing him a wasted smile which yoongi didn't react to knowing this was the alcohol talking, who was he kidding this was typical you but he had to remind himself that you were drunk, he didn't answer you putting you down and leading you to your (not yet) bedroom, your somehow drunk mind still found it senses enough to admire your surroundings.

" it's freaking huge." You commented flashing a drunk but earnest smile a chuckle escaping the male at your rather blunt remark, your drunk self couldn't help but admire the way his whole face lighted when he smile or the way he looked a total different person in that exact moment, your alcohol driven senses made you turn towards him finally giving in to the desires, hands moving up to cup yoongi's face softly in your hands, yoongi stiffened eyes focused on your face inches away from his, breathe stuck in his throat while you were squishing his cheeks a giggle leaving your lips all the while yoongi was too stunned to speak only resorting to watch you with his whole face lightening up.

"You are cute." You hazily admitted giggling once again before moving closer to him and tiptoeing to place a kiss on his nose, clearly to drunk to register the sharp intake of breathe by yoongi, "you should smile more." You complained pulling back to look at him with narrowed glaring eyes and a scowl adoring your face.

It took everything in Yoongi's control to not grab your face and kiss you senseless, he swallowed harshly before pulling away from your hold and guiding you towards the bed, "you need to sleep." He didn't knew if those words were meant as a reminder to you or himself, not exactly sure what to conclude about his feelings for you, he was so lost in his thoughts that he missed the rug that was infront of him and ended up slipping, his fall was cushioned by the soft mattress of the bed but the fact that you ended up on top of him because he was still holding your hand or because you were particularly clinging to him ever since he saw you tonight.

A groan of frustration sounding from him at just how many cliches were happening and just how frustrating the whole night has been, his eyes opened when you started to laugh clearly finding this funny, drunk or not you were totally the same person.

It was only when he realised what postion you both were in that his whole body stiffened, you were trying to sit up body pressing against his even more, your hands were on his chest for support, you were straddling him!!, his clothed crotch was directly against your clothed heat, he could feel himself twitch and harden at the realization, he was thanking the heavens for you being drunk and not realising just how hard he was by now, the way this whole postion had his mind running into different scenarios.

"You are okay yoonie?" You chirped leaning down closer to his face to maybe look clearly, probably the alcohol making your vision blurry, he just stared deep into your eyes finding it hard to look away from you, he was sure he was hypnotised, you were like a siren calling to him, the urge he felt moments earlier of kissing you just increasing ten folds at your closeness, yoongi had to do something he needed fresh air but what could he do when you were this close or what could he do when you decided that it was a very good time to fucking kiss him.

Yes you fucking kissed him, yoongi's eyes went wide his brain hard at work to register that you were really kissing him, maybe it was the fact that you were drunk and nothing more but yoongi swear he felt a lot more than just desire, he wasn't drunk no he wasn't even in the slightest but still he couldn't get himself to push you away, his own lips chased yours his hands coming up to cradle your face, he could taste the alcohol in your kisses. His eyes closing in pure bliss, a groan escaping him when you moved a little grinding against him.

That serving as a reminder to the man that this wasn't even something you would do, it was enough to make him pull away from you almost reluctant, his eyes taking in your feature your eyes still closed breathed a little out of pattern, yoongi used the opportunity to cradle you and place you beside him so that he could slip off the bed.

"I bet you are not even gonna remember that in the morning." Yoongi mumbled bitterly to himself feeling a pain settle in the pits of his stomach, knowing that kiss would not even be real for you when it was all he would have, he couldn't love you, he couldn't, he can't love, he is not capable of love.

"Don't leave." Your pleading voice coming in a panicked whisper when yoongi tried to get off the bed, your arms wrapping around his torso to keep him from leaving, his movements halting, his racing heartbeat dropping and picking up again registering the sudden shift in the emotions, yoongi wanted to leave but you sounded so utterly broken that he couldn't get himself to leave you. He couldn't when you were this lost, it wasn't fair, he couldn't control himself long but he couldn't leave you either, this is why he hated you since the start you were going to be a problem he knew it.

"You are drunk y/n." That's all the reasoning he gave to you recieving an eager shake of your head, your forehead pressed against the side of his left arm, yoongi sighed feeling worn out with just so many things thrown his way in such a little while, he didn't knew what to make out of your behaviour, you were always so full of emotions that it was hard to understand just what he was supposed to concentrate on. "I am sorry..I am so s-orry, please don't leav-e m-e, I d-on't wannna fuuck th--is up too." Your broken pleads stinging his heart even more, his stomach tied into knots as he realised just what this was about. His mouth ran dry, a burning feeling igniting in his chest, the feelings he had long buried surfacing and mocking him through your words, you sounded so much like him, you sounded so much like a failure the same way he had been years back.

"I promi--se I won't le-t youu dowwn." Your voice cracked muffling to loud wail, you never could let him down how was he supposed to make you understand that, will you believe him if he just said the word or would you think it was just hollow words, yoongi turned on his sides facing you, gently grabbing your face and wiping your tears away with his thumb, his lips pressing against your hairline at regular intervals to keep you comforted while you cried your heart out.

"You didn't let anyone down y/n, your never did such a thing my love." Yoongi comforted letting you snuggle closer to him and hide your face in his chest hiccups shaking your body while he rubbed yours back to soothe the burning ache of trauma down. "No -yoong-i I did." Your voice was muffled your head shaking while your hand fisted his t-shirt, yoongi wanted to tell you just how wrong you were, he wanted to tell you just how much good you were, he wanted to tell you how he saw you but that wouldn't end well that wouldn't end well without you realising that this what you both had wasn't a simple relation and the possibility of scaring you away, no he couldn't.

"You didn't my love stop being so hard on yourself." Yoongi pleaded his voice acting like a soothing lotion to your burning soul, "I disappointed them, I failed so many times, I couldn't be the daughter they wanted, I couldn't be perfect like they wanted me to be.." you trailed off sniffing and pressing yourself even further into him, wanting to just feel the comfort he was radiating, to wanting to think about nothing but how at home you were feeling next to yoongi.

"But I tried yoongi, I trie--d so hard, but but..I just couldn't do it." You again broke out into hysterical cries wailing like an infant while yoongi mummered sweet nothings in your ear his lips pressed firmly in a straight line, his one hand rubbing your back while the other was holding the back of yours head, fingers interwined in your hairs massaging your scalp in some sort of comfort. He knew you needed those words out of your system but that made him wonder were you always like this when you drink and if you were why would your friends let you get drunk, if you looked this broken how could they manage to see you cry and not do something about it.

It was when yoongi was sure that your crying had come to a slowdown that he peeled you away from him so that he could look at your face, his one hand placed on your cheek thumb caressing the apple of your cheek, eyes so genuine that he knew your drunk mind would register the look even in that hazed out state partially thankful for not being sober or you would have seen the hearts in his eyes.

"it's not your fault that they weren't able to appreciate the good you had, there job was to be there for you no matter what you did and they failed, it doesn't has to be you taking the consequences of their actions, they never cared about you and just expected things from you, so you don't need to care either." Yoongi tried to make you believe each of his words, knowing you wouldn't remember it but that didn't stop him from expressing just how much he admired you or how much you deserved it.

"I know you care, ofcourse you do it's your parents but just because they are your parents doesn't means they get to decide your self worth, I don't care who they are, you will be mine starting today and the only opnion that should matter to you should be mine, do you know what I think of you?" He questioned keeping his voice serious the way he would use a tone to negotiate an important buisness deal.

You shook your head your eyes not meeting his not ready to register the look in them, a fear residing in your stomach that if you looked up you would see the look of disappointment in them like you have seen all your life.

yoongi didn't liked the fact that you weren't meeting his eyes, he hooked his fingers below your chin tilting it up so that you knew just how much he meant each of his words, "you are a whole adventure, a whole fucking adventure, jimin calls you troubled paradise and I can't agree more you are exactly paradise not realising your own self worth and that is what has you troubled, you aren't meant to be a satisfactory or perfect human you need to be you and that's what I admire about you, you can never let me down y/n and I don't give a fuck if even you feel any other way about yourself from now all you need to care about is my opnion." Yoongi poured his heart out making sure to conceal anything that could give him away, he had to be careful incase you remembered.

But he made sure you knew And he knew you did when you started to cry again but this time not denying his words nor saying Anything, you cried until sleep engulfed you.

********************************************

Isn't it irritating when one is trying to sleep and feel sunlight hitting there face like it's filling the crack of a missing sibling who always loves to annoy us, okay let's rethink that to say that you were annoyed would be showing just the tip of what you felt at the moment with that blaring headache and the sun deciding it was a good day to be a bitch was enough to set anyone off.

You groaned turning on the other side to shield yourself from the merciless light throwing a hand over your eyes, "kookie shut the curtains please." You pleaded keeping your eyes shut and trying to get in a more comfortable postion, weird mostly when you stayed back at one of the guys house they would always cuddle up in the morning, why was the bed so empty today also why didn't it smelled like Jungkook's regular cologne, your sleepy brain didn't give much mind to it only frowning when no effort was made by the very said friend.

"Jungkook shut that damn curtain." You groaned throwing a pillow from beside you, it was such an used environment to you that you knew where to throw a kick or some object to locate the guys and with that damn headache splitting your brain you couldn't be any more patient.

"You are up?" You hummed sleepily cuddle further into the warmth of the blankets, wait that Isn't Jungkook's voice, and why in heavens did it sound like yoongi?! your eyes opened in an instant the arm over your eyes coming down, you turned your head towards the source of the voice finding a rather domestic looking yoongi standing by the door leaning against the door frame, gone were the suits and formal button down with slack, stood before you in all his glory was yoongi in a white cotton v neck t-shirt and black pajama arms crossed making his form seem muscular with the way his biceps were bulging out in the slightest, you would have stared shamelessly had the headache not decided to be a bitch with just how it was paining so bad. Your insides feeling even more agitated by the fact that you would have to pass on such a good opportunity to ogle him.

You groaned propling yourself up on your left elbow while you massaged your forehead with the other, "Where am I?" You questioned out loud not missing the footsteps that moved closer and were soon replaced by an arm around your shoulder helping you to sit up the warmth rolling of him in waves, your nostrils filling with his familiar scent, you tried to rake your brain for last night updates but found none, yoongi handed you a pill for the headache and a glass of water to down it.

"Our apartment." It took everything in you to not choke at the fact that you didn't even remember how you had ended up here and secondly did yoongi just said our?? Instead of his??, you were glad your lips were tightly pressed against the glass downing the cool liquid down your suddenly dry throat, you were sure your face might be red thanking the sun for the first time since you woke up for being an excuse if yoongi dared question the redness of your face, but he didn't he just let you be probably knowing just how much your headache was being a real damn problem. You swear you would never drink again stupid you for being tempted by taehyung's boxy siren smile.

Yoongi told you to get fresh and come for breakfast, he didn't stayed back and you were glad because you needed a moment, you decided to listen to him after admiring the whole room which seem to have come out of one of those YouTube videos you saw with jungkook and then the walk in closet that surprised you when you found all new branded clothes perfectly your size hanging in there paired with all those matching footwear and bags, you knew you had jokingly told yoongi a few times that you were going to drain his money by being a material girl but you never thought he would take that serious, you were literally amazed and actually giddy when you came across them not entirely sure what to make of this gesture of yoongi, he would probably say because you are my wife or whatever but holy shit even after being from a rich family and loving shopping didn't help at the moment.

after an eternity (actually 20 minutes) of checking everything out you reluctantly left to get fresh.

*******************************************

Yoongi always thought marrying would be something he wouldn't do and if he did he surely will marry someone who will be mature, mature in the sense would know that yoongi wasn't looking for love and so shouldn't anyone in him, someone who would keep there distance from him and won't try to force conversation or make their presence known to him, he never expected he would marry a walking trouble machine that has 24/7 redbull wings energy and can't stop flirting with him and worst of all he never expected he would actually like the possibility.

The padded sound of slippers hitting the tiles in a soft rhythmic manner a little rushed but still not disturbing (he wouldn't find them disturbing even if they were) resonating in the otherwise serene apartment informed yoongi of your arrival, yoongi braced himself practicing his stoicness for your scary jumps or rather infiltrating behaviour, "since when do you play a fucking piano?!" Your surprsie was barely concealed the tone of your voice making him bite back a smile, yoongi just glanced briefly at you from over his shoulder and returned back to his work, he made sure you didn't see the happy smile on his face at the fact of you wearing one of the dresses he got for you, something possessive clicking inside of him feeling like you were his, childish for someone who was said to be mature but not something he wanted to correct. "since I was 12??" He questioned tone bored trying to act unaffected shrugging for added emphasis, he could feel the heat of your gaze on him also could hear the slight dramatic gasp you just let out at his words.

He didn't say anything waiting for your comment but was met with the sound of your footsteps that stopped inches behind him, he didn't react to them still trying to do his best but he lost all that act when you peeked over his shoulder looking at the pancakes that were being cooked, yoongi gulped harshly at how he could particularly feel your heat, your hands on his shoulder to keep you up while you tiptoed to look at his art, you could feel the rigidness of his muscles under your touch, you might or might not have done this intentionally but it wasn't like you could help it, being a Baker and smelling something sweet always gets the best of your instinct.

You looked at the pancakes slowly turning the delicious brownish golden shade the heavenly scent filling your nose when you sniffed closing your eyes and humming in approval, you could feel yoongi watching you but that didn't hazed you even in the slightest, your spoiled brat taking the lease in hand and putting the man in even more misery by turning to face him, your face inches away from his.

Yoongi didn't look away, he was trying to put an unaffected act but it was hard when you were smiling softly all angelic towards him, face so close to his, body particularly clinging to his back, It made him wonder how was he going to survive even a month with you like this or was he even going to make it a week before he did something he might regret.

"You can cook too?" You sounded genuinely curious and surprised, yoongi just nodded his head turning his head back toward the work at hand clearly not able to hold your gaze any longer without feeling the strong urge to taste if your lips still tasted like they did last night.

You gasped animatedly pulling away from him and stumbling back which made yoongi raise a brow in amusement, he turned back to face you seeing the way you were looking at him like he told you that the fairytale were actually a lie, "this ain't fair, i find on the morning before my wedding that you play a piano, you know how to cook, what's next huh you have a pet??" You tried to sound betrayed eyes wide and glaring at yoongi, that usual pout on your face while you jabbed a finger in his direction, yoongi just rolled his eyes hands stuffed in his pocket his lips pulled down in a downturned smile which even he seems to not able to control.

"A dog and a cat." He simply informed keeping his tone bored clearly biting his tongue to hold back a chuckle when you gasped jaw going slack and a hand coming to your chest like the blow was physical, you were such an animated person it was hard to stay serious with you, yoongi watched you exhale sharply before you turned your eyes back to him from the floor, your eyes narrowing into thin slits glaring at the man in joking rage.

"That's it, I am calling off the wedding." You announced throwing your hands in the air, keeping your expression serious even though you wanted to smile widely when yoongi chuckle sarcastically for the first time since you had known him (2 months seems like a lot of time), "seriously this isn't even that big." Yoongi commented running his finger through his hairs watching how your eyes jumped to them before you actually gained your self control back and scoffed at his words.

"Are you for real??, a morning before my wedding I find out that I am gonna be a mother to two babies and it isn't even big?!, I know nothing about the man I am about to call my husband after a few hours." You talked animatedly waving your arms in the air making yoongi sigh while a small smile graced his lips, "it never came up love that's all.." yoongi trailed off realising what he just did, he called you what??, you recovered from the shock far quicker than yoongi, your eyes lighting mischievously while you pouted narrowing your eyes but that happy expression on your face, you were good at concealing the fact that your heart jumped at his words, "your buttering ain't gonna make me drop my decision." You joked trying to make it anything but awkward you could see the pink on yoongi's cheeks that alone making you want to kiss him..wait..what..okay..nevermind you had a crush on him anyway.

Yoongi visibly relaxed at your comment, glad that you didn't question his words, he chuckled at your words nodding his head, "okay okay fine I am sorry I should have told you." Yoongi apologized raising his hands up in surrender, "not convinced need more than that." You conditioned trying to hold back the tugging of your lips resisting a smile, yoongi stayed silent for a moment biting his inner cheek before he decided to speak, "how about pancakes?" He questioned tipping his chin towards the pan that was still on the stove, which he had made sure to turn off when he started to defend himself against you.

A smile broke on your lips, slightly mischievous but still a little fake stoic, "only if I can see my babies photos after breakfast and hear more about the piano and you in general." You conditioned not letting this amazing opportunity slip, it was about time you inflirated him on level 2, yoongi didn't take time to nod his agreement anything than having to see you angry with him even if it was fake and he enjoyed it.

You squealed skipping to the small dinning table that was situated in the middle of the kitchen a little distance from the kitchen island, the full floor to ceiling window overlooking the amazing view of the city, yoongi finally broke into a big smile doing quick work of the pancakes and a cup of coffee for you both, he didn't let you help in setting up the table stating you had a hectic day ahead of you.

Finally when you both started to eat a silence fell over you both, it wasn't awkward but was rather comforting but yoongi could see the question clear in your eyes knowing exactly well what you were thinking, "you weren't any different than your usual self, didn't do anything embarrassing to the point I was around." Yoongi assured you keeping his gaze fixed on his food, you looked up from your plate which you had been glaring at for a few good minutes now, you sighed relieved by his statement, "really?" You asked a little hesitant that was the first time he has seen you like this, yoongi nodded his head keeping his expression nonchalant, seeing you visibly slumping at his reassurance.

"Thank God I honestly don't do good with drinking." You chatted digging into your food, turning back to your usual chatty self making yoongi smile, "I saw that." He agreed hiding his obvious smile behind the mug of coffee as he took a sip from it, that had you stopping mid way through putting a pancake in your mouth, you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at him analysing if he was mocking you not finding anything but genuineness in his tone you had no other option than to let him off the hook, "do you sneak out often?" Yoongi's sudden question genuinely surprised you drawing a giggle from you, acting all serious you acted like you were really giving his question a thought humming while you bit into a piece of pancake, "not often just every Tuesday Thursday and Saturday." You answered casually keeping your expression extremely relaxed making the male sigh while a smile graced his face, your heartbeat spiking up at the view of his gummy smile.

God you needed to do something about this stupid crush or your survival mission would become a rather dangerous one, "I forgot your definition of often is different." He mused sarcasm dripping thick from his words the smile still there making you reply back with a boyish smile of yours, "still though it's a surprise your parents don't know." Yoongi commented clearly laying out his curiosity and admiring for you at this brave escapades of yours.

You just shrugged smiling proudly, "advantage of having busy parents beside if they do find out I am not home I could always make an excuse." You explained casually winking at yoongi mischievous both to see that affectionate eye roll and also to put emphasis to your words, "and what would today's excuse be?" He questioned raising a brow, you grinned evily feeling extremely joyed for having such a good conversation on such a dread day, "simple i would use you." You answered pointing your fork in yoongi's direction making the male chuckle his mouth agape in disbelief at how blunt you were being, he didn't see any traces of request in your tone it was just like you were informing him.

"Why do I have a feeling that this isn't the first time i am being used for this little night outs of yours?" He questioned sounding anything but offended, a lop-sided smile plastered on his face making you smirk in agreement, "no wonder you are so successful." You sang chirpy making him scoff in disbelief, that surprised but not so surprised expression on his face while he face palmed clearly knowing it before hand.

Everything went silent for a moment, yoongi didn't hide his smile like he usually would around people, he knew you had already seen through the facade he made for the world to see, And it wasn't he needed that around you, you weren't someone he needed to keep his walls up around and he was slowly starting to pull them down for you.

"So.." when you started to speak yoongi already knew what was coming wasn't going to be good, he could sense the nuisance With that look on your face, "if you plan on eloping remember to count me in." Your announcement in that no joke tone threw him off guard making the man's mouth to fall agape for a moment before his mouth finally decided to work in accordance with his brain, a laugh melodic to your ears rumbling from somewhere of the dark abyss of his chest filled the room.

The barely concealed amusement evident in his eyes as he resigned again remember he quite honestly signed up for this torturing form of entertainment himself, but it wasn't he who was to be blamed, you were...trouble and somehow yoongi liked having trouble.

He didn't knew that chaos was what he craved, having lived so far with the simple idea of a silent life he never thought that adventure was something his soul drew him too, "what would we be the avoiding by  eloping together?" He tried to find any rationality to your earlier monologue knowing fully well that they wasn't even an ounce of thought put by you to logistics before you opened your mouth.

He recieved a thoughtful hum from you in reply, a sound rather simple and nothing special but somehow it vibrated deep within his body, something setting off within him, his mind dragging him to surfaces yet stranger to him with you in them.

"I don't know I just think it will be fun, I can already imagine the trending headlines of the gossip columns talking about how the most anticipated wedding took the unexpected turn!" You beamed cutting yoongi's stream of dark thoughts with that overly excited tonr which comes with ever new trouble that you decide to bring in.

Yoongi tried to hide his soft smile behind the coffee mug, he knew you already knew he was soft for you, it didn't take a genius and in all actuality you were indeed a genius in your own ways, whatever the facts might be he didn't needed you to know that he was starting to get more and more fond of you.

"Always looking for new ways to be the trending gossip aren't we?" He teased back finding it difficult to not play along with you, you were addicting and his little actions were everything you needed, someone who had been neglect for a lifetime finds it endearing when someone so much as entertain them with attention and here was yoongi showing his at most devotion to you, you didn't deny the fluttering in your heart at his failed attempts of Stoic behaviour, your stupid crush on him increasing ten folds.

Not able to form words because of how warm your inside and cheeks felt at this rather comforting and obnoxiously normal conversation you just managed a cheeky smile in reply finding enough brain cells to pair it with a playful wink which earned you that familiar eye roll and coffee mug shield of his to hide the evident flutter you caused.

You looked down at your plate in an attempt to hide the proud smirk, the conversation from there on continued smoothly filled with minor subtle but not so subtle flirting and general question.

The whole atmosphere was so weirdly peaceful that your minds had started to already think of this as an everyday things starting today, "are your preparation done for the day?" Yoongi questioned a genuine curiosity and concern visible on his face which visibly relaxed when you nodded more like bounced your head eagerly, yoongi chuckled lightly taking the last bite of his pancake his eyes still fixed on you, "I couldn't get this one thing done though." You complained a pout forming on your face, that all too familiar spoiled bratty look on your face.

Yoongi couldn't speak due to have his mouth full but he didn't had to speak a simple questioning eyebrow raise was enough to let his question known, you looked at him with that sad expression which looked a little too suspiciously familiar, his chewing slowing down a bit in anticipation as the blood in his viens rushed faster.

"I couldn't get some sexy lingerie for tonight." He shouldn't have been surprised but he still was and he shouldn't have choked but he did.

What a perfect way to start his wedding day.

[cinamun]

Ok Cin, so I was thinking off the top..

Was that sorta an unrequited love song 'Dianne' was singing? Or just a nice Donny song to set the mood?

Because they have been 'fun buddies' for awhile now, thus sharing some details about their lives; somewhere back in the chapters didn't Bishop reveal some snarky clues about Jackson as well?

Bertie relates Mercy to changing due to grief and Jackson not sure why mentions she is not well at the party... but either way it seems ol' girl "hasn't been well" for awhile now. Sometimes, younger women that marry older men especially much older men have unresolved daddy issues. Mercy seems fragile like she has alot to unpack.

When I looked at the dynamic between Jayce getting upset his son did as well which kinda reminded me of wolves or dogs - when one howls or barks it starts off a chain reaction. Or babies that are around other babies, when one cries the others get upset because that one child is upset. Jackson was kinda feeling his dad's distress and the vibe in the room as well in the infamous "Not now" scenes he was feeling his mother's distress in her voice and body language. Animals and kids. What sentient little beings.

Good morning dear friend! Let's get into it shall we?? I LOVE the way you think!

Now if you'll indulge ME for a moment, this is kind of like author's privilege lol I happen to think its the greatest love song ever written so therefore, so do they lol BUT I love a double meaning so, perhaps she was singing it to Jackson in her heart? Or, you know, just a nice Donny song to set the mood.

I would have to go back and review, but the extent of Bishop bringing up Jackson was always to make Mercy feel horrible. He knows she blames herself for his passing and he also knows Jackson is a way to manipulate, control and emotionally abuse the poor woman.

If we let Jayce tell it, Mercy fell in love with Jackson because of his character which she says "grows stronger with age". We don't know much about her father, but I would say perhaps he was several years older than her own mother and maybe this was learned. However I do agree that Mercy has several pieces of luggage in her closet that she hasn't quite unpacked. And the situation she is now finding herself in (recalling past haunts) is a result of never unpacking said luggage.

I have nothing to add, only that I am SO happy you caught on to that. It wasn't just that Little Jack ran out of food, the air suddenly got heavy, the tension in the room made it unbearable and the energy... oh the energy. Little Jack was expressing outwardly what was happening to Jayce internally.

Little Jack aside, there's been a lot of response to Jay's actions over last few weeks, some good and some bad. And I get it, he fell down a rabbit hole. But its a rabbit hole I certainly would have fallen down if it meant I would find out something life changing. And if it didn't, at least I tried. I feel so bad for Jay right now who lost his hero, now thinks his hero wasn't a hero, and had to spend a good chunk of his life watching his mother deteriorate under the spell of a demon.

We should protect him.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

YOU HAVE SUMMONED ME honestly I was worried that this was super late but then I saw the time stamp on your post and I was like 😀 tis still shenanigan time!! HALEY!!! aka BITEWING!!!! sweet angel baby puppy love of my life. she’s adorable. she only has three legs! when dick rescued her from getting abused by some random jerks in the street she BIT HIM hard enough that he needed STITCHES. and he said “oh i’m gonna take her to the pound tomorrow” and babs and tim were like 👀 uh huh, sure you are dick… and next thing you know we see he’s got toys for her and a bed and a bowl with her name on it. her name was voted on by readers and is a nod to haly's circus! (which writers occasionally forget that dick owns now, but that’s a whole other tangent) she is a tiny menace and I love her! just in canon we’ve seen her try to play with/tear up important papers, she ate dick’s tv remote and tore up his couch, and she has daydreams about fighting crime as bitewing 🩵 she very much strikes me as an ankle biting menace while she’s still a puppy, and I feel like lucky would literally have to scruff her to pull her away from a fight… which honestly also feels right for kate and dick in some cases 😂

This is amazing I am sobbing I am weeping Kate and Dick with their disabled doggos

(Also Dick and Clint lowkey soulmate vibes???)

I was imagining Kate losing Lucky at a dog park (full disclosure I have no idea how dog parks work, maybe just a regular park?) and she's getting pizza to lure Lucky (and potentially also Jeff???) back to her, she's not super worried, she's chatting to Cute Tall Guy who is ALSO missing his dog. He's not getting pizza for doggo, just for him. Anyway SUDDENLY A RUCKUS and Kate and Tall Guy hear Barking! And individually they are thinking, well, my dog might have just started a gang war

again

This is fine

It turns out puppo Haley has found a stray cat mama with a new litter of kittens and has planted herself between the cat and some other dogs who are clearly VERY poorly behaved, but she is a hero and that's! what! heroes! do! However Haley is a pup and also missing a leg she could use some backup basically, and Lucky, who has never met a disaster he doesn't love, decides to ALSO plant himself between the mean dogs (who are lowkey trying to bully Haley) and Haley and the cats. Jeff might be there but mostly for the Drama bc he's a messy bench like that

Anyway Dick and Kate proceed to RIP INTO the other dog owners and then look at each other askance like wtf are we supposed to do with the cat?!?!?! Who has decided Haley is just a big dumb kitten she lost and has adopted her (very bruce-coded of the cat tbh). And kittens?!?! One of them is orange and has something going on with an eye and Kate is like oh NO this kitten is a cat Lucky I can't believe I have at least one cat now

(clint: you know you don't have t--

Kate: who am I to argue with the cat distribution system)

Dick is frantically calling up his favorite animal expert (it's Damian) about how to safely move mama and kittens? And where? Vet??!?!? Animal shelter?!?!?! Tim?!?!

To be fair Dick could have probably figured it out if he was alone but Kate is there and his brain makes dialup noises when he looks at her for too long yes he's WEAK leave him alone

At some point Kate winds up sitting on the ground and Haley flops into her lap and passes out because it's been a big day for a puppy and Lucky and Jeff give Kate the BIGGEST SADDEST BABY EYES because that's their spot?? Why is this interloper hogging the Pizza Girl? Lucky turns Sad Dog Eye on Dick like Dick is just going to remove his darling puppy from her nap spot? Sir. Please be serious.

Idk where i was going with this but also Lucky the hardened established dog hero and Haley his young impetuous sidekick dog, Jeff finding missions for them working out of Batcow's barn. BITEWING!!! I am dead. Pandemonium is their business.

lol for some reason Haley is giving me cat vibes a little. Lucky is like, this is Pizza Girl. Protecting Pizza Girl is my sworn duty. And Haley is like I am BITEWING. This is my human sidekick, Nightwing.

(Also for some reason I'm lowkey vibing Clint and Babs???? For this???? I think they are besties regardless but just seeing them watching their favo disaster birds getting parent trapped by their DOGS like "are you seeing this? I'm not the only one seeing this right????")

ANyway maybe Clint has custody of Lucky so Kate and Jeff are moping hanging out at a park (Jeff is an extrovert and he is LONELY he wants FRIENDS) and one of two things happens:

Haley bolts and Dick is chasing after her and hears someone go "Don't you BARK at him, he didn't do anything! He just wants to be friends!" which makes Dick have the simultaneous thoughts of "oh no what did my dog do" and "how DARE you yell at my dog!!"

he rounds the corner and sees Haley looking as chagrined as a chaos pup can look before scootching closer to the other dog and licking its...nose. Snout?

"That's a shark," Dick says. The shark in question is now dragging out what appears to be a rotisserie chicken and is sharing it with Haley.

"What?" Kate says. "No, he's just a rare breed of dog. The, uh. The Chilean Hairless....land...shark."

OR Haley is Not Afraid! She decided she and Dick were playing fetch with one of his escrima sticks and she took OFF so now Dick is yelling for her hoping she comes back with the same stick she left with.

So Dick is hollering for her and Kate answers back "Haley is over here! Uhh assuming Haley is a dog and not a child, or a bird, or a lizard of some kind?"

And that's when Dick sees his dog playing with his escrima stick with a shark??? who is leaving dents in his weapon????

Kate isn't even looking at Dick when she's like "hey, do you come here often? Jeff has been really lonely and she's the first dog we've met that isn't terrified of him, so that's pretty cool, anyway hi my name is Kate...." and THEN she looks up (and up, and up) at Dick and is like. oh my god. is this why Gwen said we should try this park today??? Because of beautiful dog dad man?

either way Jeff REFUSES to leave Haley which means Dick and Kate have to spend most of the day together. At some point MODOK tries to steal Jeff back and Haley plants herself in front of Jeff and growls at MODOK and she's actually pretty intimidating but it's still the cutest thing ever. Jeff and Haley are ride-or-dies, like Jeff will be mad at Dick when Haley has to go to the vet.

[velvetporcelain]

appetite. force. intellect.

this is no longer about him.

this is about me.

it’s about me.

it has been about me.

i think you have to be selfish in order to UNDERSTAND the concept of selflessness.

i made it about him, because it was about me, but at the time it never felt about me. hindsight. sucha little weasel.

what if hindsight was the guru? the divine? god?

i am not rushing, but I’m right on time.

i am satisfied, and my sadness is imaginary, a fairytale, a story of the moment. it’s always will be there because light needs balancing. thy will be done.

i feel good. this morning i struggling to move my idle mind. so i just went with the flow. i find petting my cat helps me practice consciousness. i stare at him in awe for as long as i need to. what a stunning creature.

i love cats so much. id nurture any cat to my fullest potential, you know, besides my children. i fucking love me a needy cat, a dog on the other hand? HA.

it’s a great way to channel my negative energy because it comes so easily. dogs are so fucking needy, they smell, they go outside, they bark, they drool, they piss all over everything, they are a liability, huge liability. Do we have dog insurance? 🤔 anyways- dogs. Ew. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t give dogs love if I feel they deserve it, but most of the time I will let them know I will not be petting them. Dogs know, and I like using it against them.

it’s the day after Christmas and everything is right back to normal, ha , I said “still” at first , but realized that is only due to my privileged lifestyle. I don’t have to get up and be at work and fight for crumbs left by the rich. So it is still for me.

I’m working on attracting and not chasing. Life chases me. Yes we probably won’t know a probable outcome, but saying that the universe continues to give just means that you recognize there is an infinite amount of ways life can play out, and we are hear to experience that.

Sometimes I wonder why I set to break my peace. Urges of old behavior haunt me. some days I can only see them but not feel them, some days I can see them and feel them, I always see them, they are called memories. There is no control, alt, delete for that. Why are we consistently regulating our memories while trying to be as present as possible? It’s so counterproductive, counterintuitive!!!!

I think balance between two people can look very much like when one recognizes that their partner is on the dark side of the hemisphere they easily become the light—- something along those lines. See sometimes I am afraid it perspective of love is deeper than I even know at this point, like I don’t even understand what love is because I still feel unloved. I don’t want this getting in the way of the many, many, infinite, ways of love I have yet to experience. So I am working on turning that into fantasy, sexual desires, and role play. Using my creative mind when I feel “unloved “ and be able to act accordingly. Fuck, does this make sense. *squeezes your cheeks and nods your head yes” yes mommy it does. 👀

What if you started a group against the government specifically to get their attention on real issues that Americans have? 🤔 wow what a left turn. Vibes. But like think about it, if we follow the rules, we fall in line- lol wait nevermind, I’m not wasting thought on thinking that they would ACTUALLY give a fuck about us. Let alone their veterans. I literally know nothing.

am i a gypsy? —or——- a free bird afraid to fly?

am i just a story inside my mind? How wonderful it is to be the main character. 🥰💕🫡🕊️✨🍒🐺

today I need to save my fish, i am failing them. i hope my snails are alive.

please think about me today.

-x

[jodilin65]

MONDAY, MAY 30, 2005 There are no parties going on right now, though Patty let the dog annoy me earlier. It barked twice to be let in, making me want to shake Patty and say, “Stop leaving the damn dog out back unattended!” I wish dogs could be litter box trained like cats. Better yet, I wish they weren’t so damn loud! As I said, if I’m going to be forced to listen to barking no matter where we go, we may as well get our own dog once we get settled down in Sacramento. At least down there, I could leave it outside during the daytime when I happen to be asleep to bark with all the others and know no one’s going to complain.

She’s taken to hanging things out, too. Mostly big things like sheets and blankets.

We took our walk earlier and got $13 worth of groceries for just $6, thanks to the girl that fucked up for the better for us. It’s nice when people fuck up for the better! It was slightly warm for walking, but not too bad. We may walk to the Chinese place next weekend or order a pizza, depending on my schedule, because as Tom said, we deserve a treat. I agree, so long as it doesn’t screw us out of getting out of here. We are giving notice come September or October at the latest. What’s weird, though, is that walking has been causing me to get cramps in my hips. They walked us to death in Valleyhead yet I never got shit. I know I’m older now, but Tom’s even older and he doesn’t get that.

The summer hours at work start this week, which means he’ll be going to work and coming home an hour earlier.

SUNDAY, MAY 29, 2005 Today was 10º too cool, so tonight, just like last night, the heater will need to be on. At least it kept things quiet around here. I don’t even have bad vibes about tomorrow, but we’ll see. Either way, we’re going to walk to the grocery store in the late afternoon or early evening.

The first week of dieting has lost 4 pounds. I don’t think I’ll lose any more without dropping my calories to 1000 or lower after I’ve been having about 1100-1300, but I also don’t think I can do that.

Tom has been burning floppy disks onto CDs. You can fit around 500 onto a CD. Then he’s going to ditch most of the floppies. It’s all in preparation to fit our stuff into just the truck alone for when we get out of this state. He thinks that if we leave at 8 AM, we can hit Redding by 11:00, then Sacramento by 3 PM. But when??? This year? Next?

SATURDAY, MAY 28, 2005 Yesterday was cloudy but gorgeous. I saw Patty. She was pulling out as I was pulling the dumpster in. She waved to me.

Next door’s been quieter today.

We submitted my story No Escape. It came out to have 57518 words. If it doesn’t make it, I’m not going to submit anymore. At least not for a very long time. Also, if it doesn’t make it, I’ll at least not have to worry about being so perfect with my writing, and I can then use all the racial slurs I want. Even the names of celebrities.

I also finished Traces of Hope. Finally. I’m proofreading it now.

I decided to give the sweepstakes until we move out of this duplex. Even I’d be surprised if I didn’t win at least some kind of small prize between now and then, as pessimistic as I am. I mean, you’re talking hundreds of entries a day!

Tom got the bird-chirping wall clock to work again which had failed to work once we got to Maricopa. Maybe some of the evil that dwelled there had a hand in that. Our shit broke in Phoenix too, but not nearly as much as it did in Maricopa.

Not much happened today. Tom said he heard a few minor bangs from next door, but that’s it. It rained and was cloudy, so maybe that had a part in it. After not having to run the heat for two days, I may have to run it late tonight.

THURSDAY, MAY 26, 2005 Just as I was thinking we ought to kill next door’s cat since that seems to be what mostly stirs up the dog and since it’d be easier to kill a cat than a 45-pound dog, I hear her come out and make her cat calls. She’s also taken to leaving her door open around this time too, so I said to myself, ok, lady, now it’s time to hear me. And the timing was perfect too, because Patty was leaving. So I cranked up the tunes, and sure enough, she closed the door. Yeah, it sucks to be annoyed by neighbors, doesn’t it, Crystal? Oh well. At least they’re still quite tame compared to past neighbors. Still, it was funny to have annoyed her for a change. Why would you want to open doors in the first place and let all the bugs inside? What’s wrong with the windows? Anyway, I won’t annoy anyone too often till we’ve officially given notice. They complain here, and while it may not get us evicted (it didn’t get the last people in here evicted), it could hinder us from renting elsewhere, so I won’t overdo it.

It’s to be around 80º today, 90º in Sacramento and 100º in Maricopa. At least for once, we’ve got the best temp of them all. 80º is perfect. I don’t think my heater went on at all late last night or early in the morning. After all, I got it up to 85º in here by 7:50 when the sun drops down behind next door’s roof.

I have the back and front doors open, but the screens are latched. I’m not afraid to take on any would-be intruders, not that that’s likely in a place like this, but I wouldn’t want them sneaking up on me before I had a chance to do anything about it, but you have to be really, really asking for it to go breaking into people’s houses on such a busy street like this. Some do want to go to jail, though, not that God would allow anyone that messed with us to pay for it since He would only protect their identity, but still, there are some sickos who will stop at nothing.

Later…

This weekend, we’re submitting No Escape. Right now I’m working on Traces of Hope. I’m on a roll with it, though it won’t be very long or as good as No Escape.

It’s still pretty warm, and not surprisingly, next door’s outside gabbing, even though it’s dark now. Fortunately, I can’t hear their chatter in the bedroom with either music playing or the fan on low. Tomorrow I’m going to drown them out with something from the get-go. I know they’ll be outside all the time now, so why wait for them to distract me and interrupt my train of thought while I’m working on my stories or sweeping? In August they’ll probably be out at night only, so I kind of wish we could jump up to that month. We’d not only be a couple of months closer to moving, but as uncomfortable as it may be in August, it may drive them inside more. Then again, maybe not. Heat doesn’t seem to drive people indoors the way cold does. Oh well. In just 4-5 months they’ll be just a memory (I hope), then we can deal with whatever noise we may move next to. At least it couldn’t get this close to us, whatever it is! And I thought the freeloaders were so close! I still don’t see how we could move this fall, even though I still don’t see a house here in Oregon either. Maybe the old white house with dark trim by train tracks that I saw a while back is really down in Sacramento.

Another reason I don’t see us moving this fall is because of what he just found out about unemployment. Each quarter, he’d receive more money. Right now, if they laid him off he’d get $98 a week. Fortunately, they like him at work because that ain’t shit. In August he’d get a little over $100. In October he’d get a little under $200. But come fall of next year he’d get more than he’s taking home now which is barely a grand a month.

According to what I read online, many places are putting bans on these outrageous car stereos we’ve been cursed with for the last 12 years, but they really aren’t doing any good because noise violations aren’t easy to enforce. What they need to do is stop selling the damn things in the first place and make them illegal to have, but that’s just our stupid society for you. All they have to do to really curb the problem is ban the damn things.

By 4:00 this afternoon, I realized it would get well into the 90s in here if I didn’t shut the blinds and drop the blanket I’m using as a drape. It’s still pretty warm in here in the mid-80s. It’s to be in the mid-80s tomorrow, a little warmer than today, so I may not open anything. At least not the blinds. I’d say the heater is definitely not coming on tonight! I missed the summer and I love the money it’s saving. I just wish next door would hang in front like they do in Arizona!

WEDNESDAY, MAY 25, 2005 It’s to be in the 80s today. Next door’s already sitting outside gabbing. If this were Arizona they’d be in front! Nah, God would make them an exception and send them in back with me. This is what I figured they’d do once it warmed up. At least it’s just talking. There’s no music, banging or screaming, though I’m sure they’ll be there all day. They’re not always right outside, but right by their open doors and windows. Unfortunately, their bedroom and bath aren’t in back. Their kitchen and living room are. They’re lucky next door’s not empty or else they’d have gotten bassed to hell a little while ago. I’m sure they heard me singing, but oh well. Speaking of bass, the warmth is enhancing the stereos now that people are driving with their windows down. These things have two speakers. The one inside for those inside the car, and the one in the truck that’s meant to annoy anyone they drive by. I still can’t believe there are people out there so desperate for attention that they’d spend hundreds of dollars on a stereo like that, but that’s just our competitive and pushy society for you.

I’m so sick of this home-all-the-time trend I’ve been living with since ’93! But when you live where everyone’s either retired or disabled, that’s what you get. I just hope it rains like hell on Memorial Day! It just may do that too, according to the weather site, and it may also drop down to the upper 50s. That wouldn’t necessarily stop them from partying as opposed to it being cold and snowy, but we’ll see.

I wish we’d skipped Maricopa and Oregon altogether and just gone straight from Phoenix to California. I just didn’t think we could afford to live in areas of the state that weren’t so crowded. If we’d gone straight there, then I probably would’ve gotten out of having to go to jail and I definitely would’ve gotten out of having to play motel so much and now be stuck crammed in here with these people, old and white or not. I’m sure, though, that God had a hand in guiding us in the wrong direction just so I would have to be stuck living with so many damn people along the way. There’s just no escaping them! I’m never going to get to live in peace and seclusion. I guess Tom and I wouldn’t have spent so many years in cities if we weren’t meant to be in them. At least we can walk to stores and things like that.

Later…

The dog was just barking frantically at next door and their cat. They’re going to live out there till the fall! Anyway, I appreciated how she came and coaxed the dog away as soon as it went off, but still, can’t she leash it down by her door if she’s going to have it out there for more than a few minutes?

When I again mentioned poisoning it to Tom, I just got the runaround, but I’m not surprised. I knew he’d never do it. I just hate it when he agrees to things he knows he won’t do!

They’re talking about overtime where he works, but if he’ll really get any, who knows? That sure would be nice and we sure could use the extra money. Because of that, I have my doubts. It seems that the less you need money, the more it’s available. They’re hiring now, too. Especially since the husband-stabber is going to prison for drugs, and someone else is going to do time, too.

It’s over 85º in here. Quite like Arizona! I love it. I missed the heat more than I realized. It’s nice not having to wear socks or gloves. No more frozen hands or nose tips. No having to sleep with shirts on either. In another week or two, we should be able to turn the heaters off till late September. That’ll save us big time. The heat may not come on tonight at least in the bedroom as it is, and if it does, it shouldn’t be till close to dawn. Being in a real building really helps as I know that if I were in that RV right now, it’d be freezing not long after dark.

I went from 130 pounds to 126, but that’s no surprise. That much is easy. I realize, though, that what was tripping me up in the past was that I was replacing what I’d lose over the week on the weekends. It takes me a week to lose a few pounds, but it only takes a day or two to put them back on. Well, I was pretty much just going around in circles. I still don’t think I’ll lose a significant amount of weight, but I’ll definitely make sure I limit my weekend treats. Especially since getting carried away only makes it hard to jump back on track anyway.

The tree blossoms have withered away, but along part of the back wall of the place are these big bright orange-red flowers. They’re quite lovely.

TUESDAY, MAY 24, 2005 I read that a bunch of bigots filed a lawsuit against a school whose sex-ed department not only showed a film of a woman using a cucumber to demonstrate the proper way to put on a rubber, but that taught that gayness is a biological trait, which is true, and demanded that they teach students that same-sex attractions can be “overcome.”

That’s quite a world we live in when you can sue someone for teaching acceptance and tolerance and make them teach bigotry instead and stuff that’s simply not true. One can’t “overcome” gayness or straightness anymore than one could overcome their heights and I wonder how many more years it’s going to take this world to realize that. If I could quit being attracted to women at will, then a straight woman could quit being attracted to men at the snap of her fingers, too. When that happens, then I’ll believe we aren’t born one way or the other and that it’s a choice or a learned trait.

We’re in the process of figuring out how to convert all the little files a DVD makes to one big file so I can store as many Charlie’s Angels episodes as there’s room for on my hard drive.

MONDAY, MAY 23, 2005 We’ve been hitting the 70s lately. For the last few days, the heater’s been off in the bedroom for half the day. It got up to 79º in here. The warmer weather’s stirring up mom and daughter a little bit, but not nearly as much as I thought it would.

As usual, Patty was quiet over the weekend, but today she had her usual slew of weekday company which meant that the dog had to go outside and on a 20-second barking spree. I saw the driver of the maroon pickup. It’s a young fat chick that looks like it could be Patty’s daughter, though she never did mention having family. If she does, I’m sure I’ll be forced to meet them on Memorial Day.

SATURDAY, MAY 21, 2005 Tom and I took our walk up to the grocery store, then came back and were playing with the rat when I noticed the webs and spider mites on the big palm that’s been slowly dying ever since I got it, so Tom put it in the garage.

Although the ground flowers are still in bloom all over the place, the cherry and apple blossoms are withering away.

I had yet another great story idea, but I’ve been so busy sweeping that I don’t know when I’ll get back to my writing. I’ve been making zillions of entries on the unlimited-entry contests I’d like to win. One’s for an iPod, two are certificates for clothing/accessory stores, one’s for an indoor cactus arrangement, and another’s for a DJ machine we can sell if we win.

Anyway, the story idea is to have some chick get in trouble for some petty crime in a place where they’re doing this “new experiment” which is to place inmates in the homes of cops, guards, POs, etc., rather than jails. The chick will have to wear an electronic anklet whenever the cop she’s been placed with isn’t home. I figured the chick and cop could fight for a while before they eventually fall in love. Tom said my characters fall in love too quickly anyway, so I’ll slow it down with some conflict beforehand.

Patty took off with some chick in a dark gray van. I think they even took the dog with them, which is customary here. Everyone takes their dogs out with them. I’m surprised they don’t take them to work!

FRIDAY, MAY 20, 2005 I haven’t heard any outside barking for a couple of days now, though I’ve seen the dog. We decided that if the dog becomes an issue, though we doubt it will, we’ll kill it. A poisoned piece of meat tossed out in the middle of the night should do the trick.

A gray SUV visited yesterday and that blue car was back again today.

With the exception of when Bev had the animals over, I don’t know if I can say this one is better than she was. She has the dog, she has company nearly every day, and she’s constantly out back, even if it’s mostly just to let the dog in and out. Before bed, she turns the patio light on for a while too, as she lets the dog do its last shit of the day.

Of all the rodents I’ve ever had, none have been as clingy as this rat is. It’s a good thing he can’t scream like a guinea pig because he’d never shut up.

I’m now quite convinced that yes, Mary only responded to my letter so she could try to use me to connect her and her dumb boyfriend, and that no, I’m not going to hear from her again. She probably figures that now is a good time to give me what I gave her for 8 months which is silence. Only she’ll probably remain forever silent. No prob. All she does is use people, so it’s okay.

THURSDAY, MAY 19, 2005 Last night was when I learned that Patty can be just as hypocritical as Bev was. The dog went on a barking fit at 7:30. It was only for a minute, but it was highly annoying and distracting since I was on a roll with my writing. This morning, however, wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I saw the dog, but it didn’t bark. She had that maroon pickup there, as well as a dark blue car I’ve never seen before. As usual, the company was gone and all was quiet by 11:00. They didn’t bang around too much.

The dog seems to be let out an average of 3 times a day, though not on any particular schedule. Perhaps we’ll get a dog in Sacramento. I figure that if I’m going to have to listen to barking, it might as well be our own.

The day we give notice will be the last day I’ll worry about keeping my music for my ears only.

The good news is that I don’t “see” a house here any more than I ever saw a washer, which Tom now says he doesn’t want to get, because he wants to exercise on the weekends, too. As he said, he doesn’t want to struggle on Mondays because he lazed out over the weekends. I still don’t see how we can bust out of this state this year, but if I’m right, then something’s got to break. His computer programs won’t be ready this year, I couldn’t make shit off my book if it got accepted, so that leaves the sweepstakes or a lottery ticket, for sadly the queen ain’t going belly-up for 4-5 more years. That’ll mean about 15 years of being her perfect daughter’s daughter – hee, hee! I think if Miss Perfect could ever have anticipated her hanging on this long, she’d have had second thoughts about taking the selfish bitch in for sure.

I forgot to mention getting a letter from Paula last week. She’s going through one Puerto Rican loser after another, as usual. She said I was nice to her and that I could send her whatever incense I wanted to send her and that she may send money after her birthday for me to get her some. I’m sending some along with a couple of CDs for her birthday, then if she sends money, I’ll have Tom grab some from Jan. She’s not too far off his bike route.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2005 No barking today, but that may be because she had no company. Meanwhile, if the housekeeper is a weekly thing, she’ll come by tomorrow and bang around while the dog barks outside. I’m trying to keep on days at least throughout Memorial Day. That and Labor Day are the only major holidays we should have left here, and of course, I don’t know when Patty’s birthday is. She could have a party here if her birthday is between now and when we leave. As much as I’d hate to stay an extra month, I wish we could be here for a full year and go straight to California, rather than leave at the 11-month marker and get a house downtown, which is probably the only place we’ll find one since that’s where all the dumps no one wants are. Even if the yard’s flanked by dogs and screaming kids, they at least won’t be able to get this close. I hope not anyway!

I let Tom know that this is it, too. Meaning, I’m not going to keep bumping up our moving dates. We’re out of here come either October or November. Period. I’m not looking forward to another 130-160 days here, but it’s better than forever.

I also let Tom know that I refuse to ever be attached to anyone again, other than in motels! Not even God can keep dragging me back to live with others once we’re out of here. We’re going to hopefully get a place in the heart of Sacramento for two months while we get to know the area, then get a place once we pick out a location. I’m not going to get to know Sacramento in a duplex or an apartment, because I know better. I know that first and last month will turn into a few months, which will turn into a few more, etc.

The cost of living is much higher down there, so we have to make sure we leave with enough money, no matter what he may be collecting from unemployment.

Tom’s finally gotten me to see that yes, we really can move in the truck without having to spend an additional grand on a trailer. This is because we’re going to sell or dump most of our stuff and mainly take the computers, dolls, clothes and hygienic items. We’ll only take a couple of mugs, cups and plates. Not a zillion of each. We can get new things little by little down there. We can downsize our wardrobes and much more. One box fan and one portable heater are enough. We don’t need 3 of each which is exactly what we have right now. One of the large rat cages can go, too.

I gotta bounce to Kate’s DVDs since bouncing to music is boring me lately. It’s discouraging to know you can never lose weight unless you eat so little you feel like you’re starving. That’s just what I’m going to do, though, whether it makes me lose weight or not because I’m bound and determined to get out of here. It may not be to California, but I ain’t staying longer than the 1-year marker in this place. So, whenever I get hungry, I’ll think of Freckles and the banging, even if the banging’s not nearly as bad as the animals were. I doubt I’ll lose weight in the process. I never do. I haven’t lost more than a few pounds in years and all I do is put it right back on when I do. At least it’s been stable.

Here’s a real pisser. Arizona’s now giving free medical to Mexicans. Meanwhile, nothing’s free for us. No, we have to work our asses off and pay for insurance and some of us still can’t get insured even then! Why don’t they just make Arizona a part of Mexico? It is Mexico! Then they go bragging that they just elected the first Hispanic mayor in many years. Why can’t they just elect the damn cock and leave it at that? I’m sick of their reverse-discriminating bullshit! They ought to shut their traps and get over it! All the Americans do is give, give, give, and all the Mexicans do is take, take, take! What’s wrong with this picture? The world’s fucked up!

I “swept” for 6 hours! If all this work doesn’t pay off in a few months, even I’ll be surprised, and I’m as pessimistic as you can get!

TUESDAY, MAY 17, 2005 Again with the morning company and barking. The dog only barked once, but once is all it takes to wake me up, depending on how deep of a sleep I’m in and what ear I’m laying on, so rather than struggle to stay on days, I think I’ll use earplugs when I’m sleeping during the daytime.

The company stayed for an hour, maybe a little more. And I was just about to praise her for not having much company, but just like Bev, she seems to have it a few times a week. As long as 6 little kids don’t go stomping around over there, we’ll be ok.

I’m getting pretty convinced that Mary’s lack of letters is because she can’t get anything out of me, so I’m going to stop the letters permanently unless I hear from her.

A couple came and mowed us down. I was wondering when they were going to mow. The grass was getting pretty tall.

We’ve revised our moving plans again. Neither of us wants to live with Patty, Freckles and next door, no matter how quiet they may be overall, for another 16 months, so we’re going to give notice in either September or October. Our first goal is to try to bust out of this state this year, which would mean we’d leave here at the 1-year marker of moving into this duplex. If it doesn’t look like we can get out this year, and I have my doubts, we’ll move into a house around here a month earlier. The reason we don’t want to move now is that the rates are cheaper in the winter. Plus, we want to save money to get out of having to have a lease. Money makes them go away, and in that case, we wouldn’t be losing any because we’d get the deposit back. We think we can have a grand saved up by then, which would be enough for a deposit, on top of first/last month.

For me, desperation or rage is often the key to my success with things like weight loss. However, as an adult who doesn’t care what others think, I’ve had a hard time motivating myself to lose weight, as opposed to when I was a child with a mother taunting me all the time. Well, while the desire to get out of here may not be as bad as it was in the NHA, PHX or jail, it’s high enough. Therefore, it should motivate me to save money by getting very little food, which should drop me some weight. I’m even determined to save money by toughing my teeth out and putting off the fillings as long as I can. In fact, I’d like to tough it out till I lose the damn teeth. I’m sick of the cavity game. So much so that I’m dead serious about wanting to lose my molars, which is where I mainly get cavities.

MONDAY, MAY 16, 2005 If every day could be like yesterday for as long as we’re stuck here, then it wouldn’t be so bad. It’d take a lot of stress off of me. Patty was quiet all weekend, save for 1 backyard bark and some in front while she was cleaning her van, which she’s parking in her garage more often. I’d rather 100 barks in front than 1 in back because of how the bedroom’s in back where I spend most of my time.

It was dark and rainy all day yesterday. Not even a peep out of next door was heard. We’ve been having a lot of rain and clouds. The kinds the locals hate.

If you asked who I think is better, Bev or Patty, I’d agree with Tom and say they’re about equal. It’s the fucking dog that keeps Patty from winning over Bev. Patty’s definitely more of a weekday/morning person. There were visitors, banging and barking this morning. A dark blue pickup, which I saw last Friday along with a maroon one, was here for about an hour. I don’t know if it was a friend, a nurse, the housekeeper or what, but I wish she’d quit leaving the dog unattended in back when she has company. Normally, she stays by the door and is ready to let it in before it gets the chance to bark at the door, but when she has company, she gets distracted. It was only a couple of barks which I wouldn’t mind at all if I were always on days, but I’m not. I’m going to have to live with other people’s dogs for as long as I live, so I better get used to it. The banging wasn’t anything like the kids, so that’s good, but still, I want to bust us out of here like YESTERDAY! I know Sacramento will be just as noisy, if not noisier, but it’ll be warmer!

What I don’t get is why she would knock on the door to apologize for the barking, just to be allowing it to happen over again a few days later. Gee, what a hypocrite!

We walked up to the grocery store on Saturday. We also checked out a couple of video stores to see if they had season two of Charlie’s Angels, but they didn’t. I guess we’ll have Walmart order it for us. The less we have to get by mail, the better.

We also stopped in a store that sells tons of beads and fragrance oils, along with Indian and hunting-related stuff. This red fox fur they had for $75 was way nice. I especially liked the tail.

The best news of all is that I got the oils on Saturday! Bob’s never been that fast. The 6 trial scents have yielded 2 fantastics, 3 so-so’s, and 1 bust. The Hugo Boss and Magnolia are nothing like Bob’s. The Angel is, but it’s like the newer one. The Caramel’s just ok, but the Pecan Pie and Jasmine are fabulous! So the plan is to get the Charlie’s Angels DVDs next month, then more oils a couple of months after that.

We also “shook up the earthquake” in my book yesterday and made it more intense, but when we’ll ever get it submitted, I don’t know. I still get the feeling he’s stalling for time.

FRIDAY, MAY 13, 2005 Although it took us until nearly mid-May to hit the 70s, that’s just what the weather report says we’re going to do tomorrow. Finally! And of course, I have mixed emotions about it. It’ll feel better and do our electric bill a world of good, but a part of me wishes it was cold and snowy so people wouldn’t be as likely to hang outside. So far, mom and daughter next door haven’t been as bad as I thought they’d be, but it’s not summer yet, so we’ll see. I don’t know about next door, but my vibes say mom and daughter will be here till we move. That’s both good and bad, I guess. I mean, they have no rowdy kids/dogs, but I still have to deal with their doors. I guess I just gotta deal with something no matter where I am. I just don’t understand God’s obsession with me having to live with people. And so damn many of them, too. Having an average of 3 roommates for the two years I was at Valleyhead should’ve been enough of a sign telling me that that’s what I’d be in for, for the most part, though back then I slept just fine with all the shit they had me doped up on. It was getting up in the mornings that was hard.

Anyway, the only thing I heard from her yesterday after the outburst from the dogs was her washer/dryer. She must’ve been drying something heavy because I could hear it clunking away.

Today I noticed before 6 AM that her van wasn’t there and thought – great! No morning banging. But then I saw a dark blue pickup and heard her talking to someone in the utility area, along with some bangs. About an hour later the truck left. I’m guessing she parked in the garage to make room for it, though she could’ve slipped out, came back in the pickup, then left in the pickup, planning to take her van back.

I like being on nights as much as I like being on days. Days keep me from being woken up, but nights are so peaceful around here. Even more so than Maricopa was.

THURSDAY, MAY 12, 2005 I was all set to give next door a stamp of approval, and maybe even consider her better than Bev until a little while ago.

Then yesterday I saw the dog out back at just after 6 AM, but it didn’t bark. Then I decided in the afternoon when I saw her in the yard doing what appeared to be picking up dog shit, to take the direct approach rather than stage an accidental meeting. So I went out saying that I thought it was time I met the new neighbor, and introduced myself. Her name’s Patty and she is on disability. She said her dog, Freckles, who ran up to me barking, yet was friendly, is a service dog that is 13 years old. I told her that if she and her dog are as quiet as they have been, then I hope they’re here as long as we are. She said we were so quiet ourselves and seemed grateful for it, and that she too, uses headphones. She has a housekeeper come out once a week to clean for her and the state pays for it. In fact, that’s who she thought I was at first because she says we sound the same.

She’s lived in Ohio and southern California, but that was many years ago. I told her where we’re from and that we’re saving to move to California. She also says it’s usually warmer by now, but that they’ve had snow in June and July here.

I still can’t believe they allow those on disability to have dogs, vans and cars like she and Bev have, but she said Freckles is a service dog that she’s had ever since she was a baby. We only spoke for a few minutes cuz all I wanted to do was settle my curiosity, though she never did say how long she planned on staying and I didn’t want to pry or give her the idea that I’d be her buddy. She did say to let her know if we needed anything and I said she could do the same. So I thought, yeah, she’s cool, and hopefully Freckles will stay cool, too. She didn’t give me any wild or partying vibes. She’s not as high-strung and doesn’t seem like the type to be a company freak, so I thought that just maybe we were finally being compensated for past assholes we were stuck with, though I still can’t wait for a house in California!

Then, just after 8:00 this morning, I heard more than the usual scattered and subtle bumps and bangs from over there. I could hear the dog barking, but through the walls, it was pretty muffled to the point where it was no big deal. Still, this told me something was going on over there. At first I thought oh no, Bev’s grandkids are back! But when I pressed my ear to the wall, I could hear another adult woman chatting with her. There was no other vehicle parked in the driveway from what I could see unless it was hidden by Patty’s van, so the person was either picked up by Patty or they walked over. She didn’t come alone, though. She came over with a huge black lab much like the one an associate of Bev’s had! They were both barking at the back door to be let in. I don’t know if they heard me yell “Hey!” over the racket, but so much for thinking she may be a better neighbor. Barking dogs would be just as bad as Bev’s grandanimals shaking the place apart. I just never get to live in peace no matter where I go, and I never will, though today’s got me contemplating giving notice once again. It’s just that that could be taking a worse gamble than staying here would be, to say nothing of how it may set us back financially. Besides, I know Tom would prefer to stay here. I’m hesitant to move too, but apartments, duplexes, they’re just too bangy. I didn’t come here to play roommates, which in a sense, is exactly what we are.

I just wish she’d wait for the damn dog at the door. It’s when it comes up to the door to find no one there to let it in that it goes off barking. I’m so sick of being tortured by other people’s dogs and kids! If it’s not one, it’s the other. It never fucking ends. Never. Now the pressure to stay on days is on. The barking really echoes loudly within the confines of the patios. I swear people shouldn’t be allowed dogs unless their nearest neighbor’s at least a half-mile away! They’re just too damn loud.

Anyway, I don’t know who this is. I don’t know if it’s the housekeeper, a friend, a relative, or what. I just hope to hell they’re not staying for a few days! I’m sure they’ll be there for at least most of the day. Therefore, I’ve got the stereo going in the bedroom. It’s not blasting, but it’s going to be if I hear any more barking.

I heard whoever it was go out back with a wind chime and then call out, “I found one” (probably Bev’s old hook).

I hope to hell this person doesn’t come around regularly, because if they’ve brought the dog this time, then they always will. What kind of housekeeper would bring their dog, though? Not this one, I hope! Because if this is the housekeeper, then that means I’ve got to deal with it once a week and even that would be way too much.

I’m just so sick of going through this shit. So fucking sick of it! I don’t make neighbors a part of my noise, so I really wish they wouldn’t make me a part of theirs. As the pizza lady said, though, people just don’t care. They’re going to do whatever it is they’re going to do and to hell with whoever has to deal with it. God, I wish I could stay on days! I’d still have to put up with the noise distracting and annoying me, but it couldn’t wake me up. Not as long as it wasn’t a round-the-clock thing. At least she has a schedule. She seems to sleep from around 10 PM-6 AM, so at least I know that those hours are likely to be peaceful. The afternoons and evenings seem to be pretty quiet, too. She’s definitely a morning person. I wonder if I’ll be early to bed and early to rise when I get old. I doubt it. I mean, I just can’t imagine myself doing that every single day. Being without a schedule is just so much a part of who I am.

If there’s any good news it’s that my oils have been shipped. I can’t wait to try them! They apparently got the money order yesterday, as we figured they would. I could get the oils on Saturday, but more than likely on Monday. This site, unlike Bob’s, has an order status feature that actually works and it was cool to see it go from “on hold pending payment,” to, “in production, will ship soon,” to, “shipping today.” They sent me emails when each thing happened, too.

Later…

Here’s a happy update. After an hour of going bump, bang and bark, though not consistently, there was a knock at the back door just after I finished vacuuming. As soon as I opened it, Patty said she was so, so sorry, and explained that her housekeeper brought her dog over to see if it would get along with hers. Why the hell she’d care if it did or not, beats me, but anyway, she said her housekeeper won’t be bringing it around again and that she told her, “My neighbor just got done telling me how quiet I am which makes me feel all the worse. I don’t want trouble with neighbors.” So I told her it was no big deal and that I really appreciated her letting me know what was up, cuz I was wondering. I just hope there aren’t regular outbursts from over there! For now, though, she’s back to being cool (I think). A part of me still wishes Bev were here. Her animals only came around occasionally, but this dog is always here.

We only spoke for a few minutes and I thanked her again for filling me in and said to let her know if I get noisy myself. She said, “Oh, don’t worry, sweetie. You’re as quiet as a mouse.” I get the impression she doesn’t want us to give notice till we leave the state, which is good if that’s the case, cuz then she’ll be more considerate. I don’t want to gamble on an Oregon house for the same reasons Tom doesn’t, as much as I didn’t come here to play house-sharing.

MONDAY, MAY 9, 2005 Yesterday we walked to a Laundromat we’d never been to before which is right by Fred Meyer. It was a long walk. About a half-hour each way. I felt a little strain in my left hip and a lot of strain in my left ankle. In fact, my ankle is still killing me. At first I thought it was age because I used to walk to school in Longmeadow, and of course Valleyhead made us go on walks, and I was fine. But then I realized that Tom has no problem and he’s 8½ years older. He says it’s just a case of me using muscles I don’t normally use. I guess that’s why variety in exercise is so important. He went through this when he first started riding his bike, but now his muscles are getting used to it.

It drizzled on us all the way and was even cold at times despite the heavy jacket and gloves I wore. I was like, what’s wrong with this picture? What’s wrong with it is that it’s May and I’m still fucking cold! I can’t wait to get out of this state. Especially since there’s snow on the ground right now! Snow in May? That is so fucked up! Nonetheless, it was good walking weather, and the blooming flowers and cherry and apple trees were pretty to see. They seem to really like tulips and daffodils here. Meanwhile, it’s been pouring since I got up 3 hours ago. I’m glad it never rained hard on us.

Tom had to wait a little while for a washer, but it only ran for 32 minutes, so it wasn’t too bad. We never bothered to dry the clothes. Instead, I hung them around here when we got back.

While he was washing the clothes, I got a few things we needed at Fred’s, including the other doll in the My Scene series I wanted which was on sale for $10. This one’s Barbie and she’s wearing purple. She came with a spare outfit which is just about the nicest Barbie-n-friends outfit I’ve got. It’s in the top 5 anyway. The dress she has on is a purple satin dress that goes over one shoulder and has an angled hem. It’s sheer at the waist too, making it look like two pieces from a distance. Her spare outfit is a pink metallic top and a black skirt with zigzag stripes of pink glitter. Her shimmering black shawl makes a great halter for the Tonners.

Anyway, I’m glad I did the walk, as sore as I am. It was fun and it was good to get out and get exercise and fresh air.

On the way back we stopped at a convenience store for snacks and he got a lottery ticket that won $7.

The lady next door not only didn’t have company over the weekend but she was gone for most of it. Can’t complain about that!

I’ve been having a lot of nights where I only sleep for 6 hours. As long as I don’t get too tired, I’d love to be able to sleep for only 6 hours. It’d help me maintain a schedule tremendously.

Although we are going to keep our eyes open in case there’s a hell of a deal that may come along, we’re thinking we may just stay here till we can get out of this damn state, and hope for the best along the way. That would mean the neighbors staying put and not being replaced with nightmares, or becoming nightmares themselves. Meanwhile, we’re not locked into a lease, so if it gets bad here, we’ll split, even if it sets us back a bit. I’ve lived enough places in my life that were a nightmare, so I won’t put up with any shit here. I just hope I won’t have to and that we can go straight to rural Sacramento from here, skip the motels, etc. That may be asking for too much, but if we can at least stay here till we leave the state, then that’d be one last move to have to make along the way. I just wish I had more singing privacy and could blast my speakers. Oh well. I can make do as I have been for another year or a little more. I just hope it doesn’t end up taking us a few years to get out of here. We still have to deal with my teeth either way, and his shit of a mom isn’t going to drop dead anytime soon. She won’t go till we’re settled in California and not as bad off as we are today. My vibes still say she’ll be 86-87, and she won’t even hit 82 till August.

Time to go do my daily sweeping!

Later…

The Phoenix and Tempe letters to Marilyn have been returned as “undeliverable as addressed.” What? Does this site print wrong addresses or something? The Scottsdale one is still out there, so I’ll just hope she got that one, though I highly doubt she did. Same with the sick black bitch. Yeah, I found her. I finally found her. That’s real fucking bold to allow your address to be listed after you got someone thrown in jail. That’s wanting to be killed for it! I doubt she had the brains to think of that, though. If anything she was hoping I’d start up with the journals again so she could get me thrown in jail a second time. But still, could you bait yourself like that after doing what you did? I couldn’t. I’d be too scared to and I don’t usually scare too easily.

Anyway, I sent a quick note to 3 different addresses, one being in Surprise, compliments of the user in Florida. I used some of those postage-paid envelopes I was supposed to send to her friend. At least this time around, associating with her paid off, but just the fact that she hasn’t written and won’t even do me the favor of connecting Hope and me after all I’ve done for her goes to show how truly selfish she is, like most people in this world, or so it seems.

The note was brief and meant as a little scare-tactic, even though I knew it’d be short-lived since I couldn’t possibly have the blessing of doing what I said I was going to do, and that was to sue her and her cop friend for setting me up. Just for her to know I hadn’t forgotten her and knew where she was (assuming any of these addresses were current) was what I was out for. Besides, I promised myself I wouldn’t let what they did scare me from exercising my right to free speech, and that’s exactly what I did. No threats, no racial slurs, just my constitutional right to speak my mind. Meanwhile, if the black pig wants to put time, money and effort into hunting my ass down through Tom’s social security number or his family, I’m ready for him. Yes, this time I’m ready for him, and in the end, I can promise just about anyone that he’ll end up saying, “You know, I am so sorry I ever bothered to find that girl!” if he ever does have the balls to find me. It’ll depend on how suicidal he is. Some people have death wishes, that’s for sure, because cop or no cop, finding me would be a definite death sentence for this mother-fucker. He’d have to make something up, though, because after learning all I have about the laws, thanks to them, nothing I did could possibly call for grounds to come after me. I even handled the letters and envelopes with gloves and used tap water to seal the envelopes, so if they came after me, it’d only be because they hate white Jews as much as I hate blacks.

In the end, I know God made sure none of those letters got to her because they would shake her up, and we know how God not only loves blacks these days but also loves to protect anyone who’s fucked me over, so I’m sure she never got any of them. If I’d been dumb enough to write something they could get me on, then yes, He’d make sure she got one of them then. But if all it could do is piss her off or get her all worried, then no. Her feelings are much too important as opposed to my welfare. Oh, and of course I wrote no return address, so if they ever noticed the Oregon postmark if they got any of them, who knows?

Did I tell Tom? No way! I secretly mailed them from the next block that has an outgoing slot on their boxes. Well, I started to, but then I ran into the mailman as he was doing our own box and he took them from there. I’d never tell him even a decade from now, that’s how paranoid he is. If he knew about it now, he’d still be paranoid they were going to come after me when he was 80. I’m paranoid, too. I mean, these were very determined and obsessive people after all. But life must go on and we must live our lives as we see fit. We can’t let sickos like this scare us and bully us out of taking a stand for ourselves and doing what’s right. I believed firmly that I was doing the right thing by contacting the Arizona Republic and the sicko, and so I did. I don’t know if my email was read any more than if my letters got to the sick bitch, but I did what I felt was best and now I can move on a little easier. Not as easy as I could if they were either made to pay for wronging me or killed, but at least a little easier.

Starting late in my day yesterday, my ankle got better, but both hips have been on fire ever since. I still don’t see how I can get this sore just from walking. Had I walked 20 miles, or run, or gone by bike, then yes, I should be sore.

I see so many pros and cons of staying versus renting a house. I know we’d be taking a gamble either way because we can’t know for sure that it’ll stay quiet here until we can get out of this damn state, nor do we know if it’ll be quiet in a house. Or stay that way if it at least starts off quiet. Although we’re unsure of what’s going to happen, and although my vibes say we’re not giving notice on the 1st, I know there’s a slight chance I could be wrong, so I guess I’ll do a pros/cons list. Sometimes it helps to see them written out, though I know that can still be deceptive if you have a few small pros versus one huge con.

The pros of staying are spacious rooms, good neighborhood, good neighbors (for now), close to stores, each room has its own heater, good shower/toilet pressure, would save money by not moving unless he could find someone reliable or we moved close enough to here to chance taking the truck, bedroom is blocked from street, busy street, garage. That’s a total of 10 pros.

The cons of staying are wet/moldy windows, electric heat, far from work, connected to next door which calls for banging/music, the dog next door, neighboring duplex too close, next door’s doors, expensive, no vent in the bathroom, no self-cleaning oven or self-defrosting fridge, no dishwasher, can’t send/receive mail at the door, no singing privacy, can’t blast speakers. That’s 14 cons.

SUNDAY, MAY 8, 2005 Tomorrow would be the earliest I could hear from Marilyn if she got my letter, and if she turned around and wrote back the instant she got it. Somehow I doubt I’ll be hearing from her. Not because she got the letter and decided not to respond, but because she didn’t get it in the first place. Oh well. I tried.

Tom used a large duffel bag to stuff our laundry in and rode his bike to a Laundromat he’s never used before which he said was very nice. He was only gone for 1½ hours. He’ll have to make two trips a week, though, just like with groceries. Once we get moved, we’ll get a washer for sure.

I haven’t heard the dog since the other day. When Tom gets up I’ll ask him how things were with it being a Saturday. I crashed at 11 AM, so I wasn’t around for the most part.

I’ve had severe bloating lately and I can’t figure out why. Most days I’m not overeating, though I could still afford to cut down greatly, and I’m just about over my period. I guess it’s just fat.

FRIDAY, MAY 6, 2005 This morning at 8:45, I saw and heard the dog barking at the dividing fence. I’m sure it was barking at one of next door’s many passings, if not their cats. The woman softly, yet firmly told it to hush. Then after a few more barks, she said, “Come on, Jelly Belly,” and it turned and ran inside.

I was like, fuck this shit! This dog may not be a problem like the Arizona dogs, but I’m sick of being forced to live with other people’s dogs and kids. They’re not my dogs/kids, so I shouldn’t have to be the one to hear them. That’s why I have none of my own; so I don’t have to hear them. Instead, I’m stuck having to deal with listening to everyone else’s, and it gets old. It really does. I better get used to it, though, because Sacramento’s no doubt going to be quite noisy. The warmth should be worth it, as long as we’re not next to what we had in Phoenix. We checked the satellite map and they appear to have rural places close enough to places he could work. The question is, would we be able to afford to rent something like that? Or would we be forced yet again to live wedged tightly in with others and their damn dogs and kids? The dogs down there are going to be kept outside 24/7 by most dog owners and that’s about 90% of the population.

After I heard the dog and they went back inside, I stomped around for a few minutes, hoping she’ll be like, well, you know, it’s awfully soon for me to start racking up complaints here, so maybe I’ll take the dog out in front.

I’m not only sick of dogs and kids, but I’m also sick of this home-all-the-time bullshit! Why can’t we ever be next to someone who works? And why can’t they come up with some real spyware? The kind that not only lets you see the basic design of a city or neighborhood but also detail, too. That way, if there was a place we were thinking of renting, we could see what the neighbors were up to and get to know things like if they had dogs, kids, and massive amounts of visitors.

So I did what I thought I was supposed to be able to stop doing in ’99, and I rearranged the sound machine to help ensure my sleep. I propped it up so that the sound shoots straight on my pillow, rather than upwards. I’ll never be able to sleep without both the fan and sound machine during the daytime. Never. And if I’m wrong about that, then certainly it’s years away from now.

She seems to be mostly a morning person. That’s when I hear more scattered little bumps and bangs, but nothing unusual for being attached to someone. She did laundry at just after 7:30 this morning but didn’t hang anything out. It would’ve gotten rained on anyway.

She also seems to go to bed around 10:00 on weekdays and 11:30 on weekends, though I don’t know why she’d stay up later on weekends when every day is the weekend for her and every day is the weekday.

I’m a little apprehensive about what weekends may bring, along with Memorial Day, and what company may have to be my company, too.

We got a priority mail package delivered here in the name of Dorothy C. We’ve gotten mail for her before. I thought it was the last person in here, but then when we opened the package, which was mailed from Hawaii, we found a Mother’s Day card from her granddaughter. From what Beverly told me, no one who was in here before us was a grandmother, so we’re assuming it was whoever was in here before the last people. If you don’t know that your grandmother moved over what would be a year ago, then you deserve to have the package you sent her opened by someone else! At first Tom was paranoid about it because priority mail is marked as delivered. After I pointed out that the PO’s not going to kick down the door and demand to search the place for it, and that all he had to do if asked was say he brought it to the PO since the box was too big for a mailbox and since the PO doesn’t have cameras like banks to prove/disprove someone was there, we opened it and found souvenirs along with the card. The first thing we pulled out was a boring canvas with individual pockets for mail, bills and coupons. The second thing was a pair of wooden magnet sandals which was kind of cute, so we kept those. I didn’t expect anything too exciting for free, but they’re cool.

Tom thinks that out of every 500-600 sweepstakes entries, be it one-time entries or daily entries, I should hit something. We’ll soon see. If I don’t hit anything in 3-6 months, then I’m not going to bother doing all this work for nothing. For now, I have a sweepstakes system where I do all the daily sweeps until they expire, then I check out the new ones for the previous day. They don’t all come out at once. They come out throughout the day, so that’s why I wait until the next day. At midnight I’ll check yesterday’s sweeps after I do the daily ones. I wish there was a program that would sign me up for every sweepstake out there that I’m eligible for, and as often as each one allows entries.

I decided not to bother saving/spending $40 a month. I just want to get out of this duplex and then out of this state! Until then, I’ll mostly just get oils. Smells are my #1 thing right now anyway, and I’m now plenty used to not getting much in the way of dolls other than an occasional Barbie which would only take up more room when we pack to move.

THURSDAY, MAY 5, 2005 We’ve had lots of rain. The apple trees look really cool now with their blossoms.

I was just waking up when I heard a faint bark, followed by a louder bark that probably would’ve woken me up, so once again and even though we rarely hear the dog or the lady over there, we’re on for giving notice on the 1st. More than likely, she opened the door to let it out to do its thing, then it went up to the door when it was done and barked to be let in. It’s clearly an indoor dog, thank God!

Tomorrow we’ll be mailing off a $20 money order for 6 1-oz. bottles of Caramel, Pecan Pie, Jasmine, Hugo Boss, Magnolia and Angel oils. Hopefully, nothing will be out of stock, and putting them in the mail and mailing them to me won’t be such a challenge for them. They should ship by next Friday and I should receive them by the Friday after that, but I’m sure I’m going to have to fight for them. If not the PO will screw up.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4, 2005 Tom’s building up to riding his bike to and from work nicely. His legs are rock-hard. It’s a good thing those things don’t turn me on or else I’d be in trouble. I’d be on my own for sure if that were the case. A few people offered to drive him home, including his boss, because it was raining. He turned them down, though, because it was just a little drizzle. It’s good to know that he could get rides if he had to. There’s a guy that lives just up the hill and drives by here all the time.

The new neighbor continues to be quiet, but it’s too soon to say if she’ll stay this way. I wish I were psychic enough to know if it would be quiet here until September of ’06, which is when he thinks we’ll be able to go to California if we save $50 a month and only take $40 a month for ourselves. I’m definitely going to wait and get the mannequin down there. Getting it here would only delay the move and it might break along the way, let alone hog up space in the trailer. We want to get a little U-Haul or something to pull behind the truck.

I hope we only have to suffer through just one more winter here and that it’s a mild one. According to what they’re saying, we came right at the start of summer last year. So, 6 more weeks of shivering. It’s 5-10 degrees warmer in MA, and they don’t get so cold at night like we do.

It was so wonderfully weird discussing the budget/savings plan to move to California. That was only done in my fantasies before, but this time it was for real!

I’m still sweeping away at the sweepstakes. Hopefully, I’ll know in a few months if all this work is going to pay off. I wish they had a program that automatically entered you in all sweepstakes available, and continued to enter you as often as they ran them. Some are daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and of course, some are just a one-time deal. I had to pull a few pranks like I did at the celebrity sightings site. Never did it say anything about penalties for fabricating sightings. It doesn’t reward you for your supposed sighting, but still, I couldn’t resist coming up with a tall tale about my meeting Kate and having a one-nighter with her, so here’s the story:

I was 28 years old in 1995 when I met Kate Jackson, then around 45 years of age herself. I am a lesbian who had just had a fight with her girlfriend one summer evening. I was in tears and so I went to my favorite place to be when feeling down – the beach. There wasn’t much activity on the beach, which was a bit odd for June, though it was also after 10 PM. I sat crying with my face in my hands. Suddenly, a woman asked me if I was alright. I looked up and recognized Kate Jackson right away. I couldn’t believe it at first, but it was her, alright. She was dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. I looked around me, expecting her to be in the company of others what with her being a star and all, but she was alone. I guess because she was getting older, she felt more comfortable venturing out alone. I briefly told her what happened and she asked me if I was “just friends” with this woman. I assured her we were more than that. That’s when she said, “Well, maybe a night of fun is all you need. Maybe you just need to come up for a fresh breath of air with no strings attached.” I always suspected Kate was either a lesbian or bisexual, and this night would more than confirm that!

I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details because I don’t know if that’s allowed, so I’ll just say I had quite a night, alright! One I’ll never forget. I was nervous at first, but ended up having a great time. She wined and dined me in a quaint, cozy little cottage on the beach which she said was a friend’s, and then we got rather intimate there for a few hours, mixed in with pleasant chatter and mellow music.

When it was over she told me to forget that place forever. Okay, I told her, but I’ll never forget you, and I never have! I’ve only told a few close people about this night, and one of them doesn’t even believe me, but hey, it really, really, did happen!!! It’s no joke. So you could say I had more than a sighting, but quite an encounter instead!

MONDAY, MAY 2, 2005 It’s May and I’m still cold! Especially at night. Oh, I can’t wait to go to Sacramento!

So far so good with “Pam” next door, even though she does have a dog. It’s a fat, older medium-size dog, but it hasn’t been a problem. At least not yet anyway. We’re dubbing her Pam because she looks like her. When I got a better look at her I could see that she really is about 50 and her hair is all gray. Sure enough, she doesn’t work. Yesterday she had company twice before I got up, but all Tom said he heard was the front door and some hammering. He did hear the dog bark once too, probably at the company. All day today, I never heard a peep out of her or her dog, though I didn’t get up till 2 PM.

Tom enjoyed biking to and from work but says it was rough getting up the hill coming home. He should be used to it in a week or so.

I’m signing up for tons of sweepstakes. I must’ve signed up for over 300 already! All this work better pay off!

[ochrearia]

Haii song.. My instinct is to ask about Philly Nice Erect cuz it's the song ever to me, but if you don't have anything for that what abt Stress? :0

Don't wanna do erect remixes yet because I'm lame so Stress it is

I'm kind of realizing that FNF tracks are a bit of an outlier on what I feel like people normally would see me listen to. Like not in a bad way it's just a very closed off vibe that FNF gives that the rest of my library doesn't. Really have at all SADSFDGF Stress fucks with my brain a little bit because there's so many just random thrown in noises that register s completely something else like I hear. A dog barking 10 seconds in which is probably not a dog barking but IT SOUNDS. LIKE THAT

Most of the time I can pinpoint what colors I am seeing to a specific part of what I'm hearing I just never go into detail like that because it's a lot of nonsense and it sounds like Im making shit the fuck up (Obligatory Ochre hates on her own brain because he's been taught that this is a bunch of bullshit)

baseline is an electric neon blue. Spikes and pulses because this song sounds a lot like a piece of machinery struggling to function because somewhere in its coding shit is just gone completely wrong LMFAO the gunfire sounding hits are like. Fuck what is this color it's like blue but also black and its a specific blue that isn't any of the blues I can describe I'd have to MAKE the color and im not doing that rn. Sorry I'm not always sophisticated in my words with this shit IDK WHAT COLOR THIS IS ASIDE FROM THAT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT you ever seen a black pearl but it looks blue-like. KIND OF LIKE THAT. Anyway damn. "Gunfire" parts are a solid like. round shape kind of move like a heartbeat but slower than the beat it has in the song. You know what no in the middle of writing this I seriously looked up a hexcode color maker because I can't fucking words I just need to show this. I'm struggling to get these colors right but IDK MAN I CANT WORDS but there's a lot of blue lol

This song moves fast like its tempo im ngl for as much as I said I wanted to yap about my synesthesia last night suddenly I'm clamming the fuck up instead DSFDGF I should've done these last night when I didn't feel self-conscious fucks sake ANYWAY. People don't like dark colors as much as brighter ones I've noticed someone's probably gonna find this ugly but I am at the whims of my silly brain

[nightcall99]

Notes from 3.4.24

I lived today and it was fine. Maybe it was more than fine, maybe this is what living is. Maybe the Earth orbiting around the Sun in a never-ending cycle, and the barrage of sleep-wake-sleep-wake, and endless script following, Maybe This Is All I've Got.

I was at a red traffic light yesterday and I keep thinking about this kid I saw. He must have been around 10 year old, with mussed-up brown hair and a broad face. As this single car zoomed past, I saw him with his head stuck out the window, enjoying the feel of the wind on his face. What struck me was his expression, because he looked high. To be honest, he might have had some kind of intellectual disability or something but regardless, this kid was high on life and it stuck out to me. His joyousness left behind a kind of scent trail, like after someone wearing strong perfume has left the room. The zap of energy leaving behind a wake. At that moment, I might have been a rock disturbed deeper and merged more thoroughly, into the sullen landscape of cars and road and soullessness. I didn't like it.

That moment felt like the start of something, and as reluctant as I am to admit it, it started before then and I was only just then realising it. I don't know what trajectory my life is heading in anymore and I haven't been wondering about it. Ok, I did a little. But today, I lived in the moment and I have a sneaking suspicion, or rather I know, that that was the point. I want to bury all this but in doing so, I walk straight into the palm of whatever this is. The truth, I guess. Time will tell. I think the reason why you sensed that she and I are parting somewhat energetically, of a sort, is because I used to talk to her more often, and now I don't anymore. Talking to her felt volatile (I think just from my end) and after awhile, low-vibe, because I was tired of feeling washed-out and re-imprinted with something new, time and time again, despite the purpose it served. I wanted to go my own way. I wanted to know things on my own. But I don't seem to have a choice in the matter, as if we aren't fingers on the same hand. As if we hadn't met for this one express reason. I still feel that it was a bit dodgy and unfortunate that this information wasn't divulged sooner through our own intel. But I said it myself not long ago, that I am the ninja that sneaks into the museum at night and changes all the pictures. I don't want to act shocked anymore. Any semblance of shock would be better described as simply the sudden appearance of goosebumps that one might get on their skin, when plunging into cold water. It's just a reaction on skin. The energy can change over night. Even though this information was probably procured some time ago, there is no time, right? It goes how we want it to go. Maybe we're adrenaline junkies. I've always felt there to be something rogue-ish about us.

Even as I write this I know what is happening. I can feel it, it is percolating through. I am accepting this. I do feel like I am 'here' more, whatever that means. I feel different but also the same, and definitely more powerful. I could slash someone's tires if they so much as looked at me wrong. I believe I have cracked too. I must have experienced that dream as your HS because it was also telling me, about me. Because our higher selves are intertwined. And I know that we are all one, so maybe it would be more accurate to say that our NPCs are intertwined, and the high selves leverage that, like some sweet poison and we lap it up. I dunno, I guess I'll speak for myself more than anything but I had that dream the day before we got notified of what is going on and now I feel that energy of that dream in waking life. It is trickling through.

More on that. So you know, whenever I get home, the dog is always barking at me and I will dodge it or walk by leaving a huge radius between it and I. But yesterday, I made all the motions of getting close and kicking it. I wouldn't really have done it, or maybe I would, I don't know. Mostly, I wanted to scare it away. And it was less about it, and more that I am a volcano and lava goes, where it goes. It was like your HS in the dream, I could feel this fight inside me but it wasn't born from hatred. It does not even come with like, the desire to live, even. I've pulled the sword from the stone and this is the part in the story where the hero, having roused his mind and might, is to wield that glory and embed it into the land itself, for the goodness of the realm. But the masks are off now. There is no world. I want to tear it all down. Blacksmiths make swords because they inherently know it is for destroying things. That's why they work in silence. They are whispering to the sword, begging for impunity. So now what? I am unleashed and Source did so in silence. Because it knew. There is no more tolerance for anything. Last week, my sister asked me to drive her and her boyfriend to the airport and I begrudgingly agreed. The story goes probably that I still resent her from the events of a few weeks ago and I despise that she asks me these things, knowing full well that I will do it. But beyond all that, I just didn't care. I just kept thinking to myself, Well I don't want to. And then the day of, she got it into her head somehow, that my mum had told her that I wasn't able to after all. But my mum never told her anything. I never said anything to my mum. My sister completely imagined a whole conversation. My dad ended up giving her some taxi vouchers he got for free from work. My mum ended up saying to me, Don't entertain it. It is the man's (her bf) job to take care of these things. What's the point of a man?

It feels like the world needs to submit to me or die. It will end up being both though, because the submitting won't be enough for me, it's just one stage, or shall I say, the last stage, before it takes one last breath and finally dies. I await that day. I do. Until then, I don't know. This energy is very strange. I deem it not applicable to 3D world building because I thought about getting a new job, a mortgage, getting a boyfriend, re-connecting with my friends, all of that, and the energy didn't want to siphon into those things. Into what then, I don't know. I don't care.

I'll keep writing here. Coming back here has been very necessary for me because it's very much a part of Maybe This Is All I've Got. At least we're in this together. Sometimes it feels like you mostly exist within my subconscious. Our experiences of each other seem so abstract yet vivid, like you're the narrator inside my head that I forgot was there. I just don't think this is the end. Not yet.

[kamisama-hajimemashita-fans]

I'll... Casually fix this... To make things clear... When making fan fiction, there are three MAJOR rules and two minor rules! (although the minor rules are super important too...) Major 1. Don't tell anyone you know nor make your username known. Please. Not because it may be... Well... Not clean (all my content is clean)... But because it's embarrassing. Major 2. Be respectful to the writers and their boundaries! I take requests, but I don't really like x neko readers or so on. I like taking the original story and changing the POV to be directed towards the reader. Major 3. Grammar and consistency of length of chapters.

----

Minor 1. You can change this as this is personal preference, but keep true to the original writings by ATTEMPTING to write in the voice of the original author! Example... In the book The Outsiders, by S. E. Hinton, you'll write using expressions such as "tuff" to keep the 1960's gangster vibe. (Although I try with Suzuki's work, I don't know how good I am at her voice of work.) Minor 2. Credit the author properly and provide chapters of reference at the bottom of your fanwork! What this means, is if I'm writing line by line the story of Kamisama Kiss, but YOU as Nanami, I'd cite the chapter that I'm re-writing! This way even the sticklers are happy. I say minor because most people don't do this. But as I said before, it's just as important! Anywho, my literature rant is over... Here is my attempt at part of chapter one of a female Y/N taking place as Nanami, in a totally different situation! A little crazier than the plot... Because what if it all happened... On accident?

~~~Recommended playlist while you read: ✦ A Jellyfish Playlist~ - YouTube~~~ (credits to the lovely Mase~!)

"Hello." My name is Y/N, L/N.

I'm a broke high school 3rd year, who stupidly left home, thinking I could live on my own. Of course, all I am able to do alone is barely pay rent and barely buy enough food for the week. I don't even want to bring up my school uniform. It's around 6:30 PM when I hear the landlord knocking down my door. I opened the door with a small smile that attempted to hide my annoyance and fear. "Sorry. Hello." I say timidly. "Rent. I'm accepting rent a day early." He snapped. He had a case that already looked full of other poor high school student's money. My eyes go wide. I totally forgot about today. I don't even know if I have the cash. I laugh awkwardly. "Am I able to bring it to you, tomorrow...?" His eyes narrow. "As long as it is tomorrow." He walked away without saying anything else. I shut the door, then mock him. "Stupid. 'As long as it is tomorrow'. Blah, stupid, stupid." I kick a stuffed fox on the ground. I go to a small safe I've hidden under my desk and pull out some cash... Not nearly enough. I'll have to break my emergency cash... I feel warm tears. Maybe I should go for a walk first. I shoved some boots on my feet and walked outside. I make my way towards a park when a man wearing a strange hat and round glasses zoom past me, along with a small, crusty, white dog.

"WOAH!" I let out an audible exclaim. The man's apology is lost in the chaos. I see him scramble up a tree. I go up to the dog, and it stops barking.

"Shoo. Go on." The dog waddles off, and I raise my eyebrow before slowly turning my judging looks toward the man who laughed awkwardly.

"Thank you! Sorry, I don't like dogs... This is my first time back here in a long time... But a dog barked at me right away... Heh, heh. It looks like the residents don't welcome me..." He gives me a charming smile. I'm appalled. "No worries..." I say slowly, wondering if maybe I should watch TV instead.

"Do you live here, too?" He asked me. I blink several times. "Uhm, I do, actually." He smiles. "That's good." I wonder if he has a place, although he did make it sound like he has.

"So you live here too. Right?" I try my attempt at a conversation. He shrugged. "I did... I ran away from it, Tomoe must be mad." Was Tomoe his wife? What a terrible man... Although, I think I spoke too soon. "Something tells me you're not doing too well. Why not tell me what's wrong?" He inquired. Why did I start bawling ugly tears? I have no idea. It wasn't even that deep, I did have the money, although it would be my emergency money... I couldn't ask my parents for help because I had an argument with them, and we don't talk much anymore because of it. To my astonishment, the man wipes away a tear.

"Just be glad you do have a home, dear." He stands up and in an awkward moment of confusion, I stand up as well. He tries to walk past me, and I try to get out of his way, but stumble on the bench's leg and slam face forward onto him. I feel his warm lips on my forehead, and my face is a mixture of a horrid pale and bright red. "I'm so stupid! I'm sorry!" The man laughs it off.

"Well... Even though it was kind of... An accident... I think I'll give you a chance." His words confuse me. What does he mean? He walked off just like that as well. I hug myself and walk home.

I see the stuffed white fox I kicked across the room and pick it up-but right from my coat's pocket, a folded piece of paper falls out. I pick it up... It better not be his number.

It was a map. I clench my jaw... I'll tease myself with it in the morning. I'll make sure to bring pepper spray just in case. I pin it to my cork board, and collapse onto my futon on the ground, hugging the stuffed fox. I hope I don't regret tomorrow...

very disappointed with the lack of tomoe fanfiction on tumblr… may have to change that…

[nezahx]

501ST’S LEGION PLAYLIST

Songs they blast while committing war crimes with Anakin Skywalker

Captain Rex, Appo, Jesse, Echo, Denal, Dogma, Fives, Fox, Hardcase, Kix, droidbait, heavy, cutup, Cody, Boil & Waxer (Yes, I added some 212th attack battalion clones because I love them and, also the whole Domino squad is here because in my perfect word, they all made it to the 501st legion, shhh)

1-Gosthbusters-WALKED THE MOON

If there’s something strange in the galaxy, who you gonna call? 501ST LEGION. Honestly, this song fits their vibe perfectly, even if this playlist is a mere joke, I feel like they would listen to this religiously, specially the Domino squad.

2-Never Gonna Give You Up-Ricky Astley

When master Kenobi and Cody join them for a mission, they enjoy this song unironically, as well as Rex, tho he’s better at hiding it.

3-You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)- Dead Or Alive

Fives and Echo dance to this together, end of story.

4-I Want It That Way- Backstreet Boys

Fives learned the complete choreography and forced the rest of the 501st legion to do so, Obi-wan and the 212th attack battalion always watch the show and clap with proudness at the end, but Boil, Boil wonders how the fuck they’re still alive.

5-Payaso de rodeo- Caballo Dorado

Ahsoka leds the way, boss queen can dance to this in heels, she even adds the little spin, she be forcing everyone to stand up when the song starts playing.

6-Welcome to the jungle- Guns N’ Roses

So, Boil’s song, yes, can someone argue that? No.

7-U Can’t Touch This-MC Hammer

Music hits me so hard, makes me say “Oh my lord, thank you for blessing with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet’- Ahsoka and Anakin sing to this together while the clones do dance break in the middle of the ship.

8-Who Let The Dogs Out- Baha Men

Jesse: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

Everyone else in the ship: ‘BARKS INTENSIVELY’

9-All Star-Smash Mouth

The idea of the tcw characters as the Shrek characters is quite a concept, Anakin is donkey, not arguing that either.

10-I’m Too Sexy- Right Said Fred

Kenobi hates this song more than anything, but that ain’t stopping Fives & Heavy from feeling their selfs.

11-The Ketchup Song (Aserejé) Spanish Version-Las Ketchup

So…Ahsoka knows Spanish and loves to sing music in that language (it haves noting to do with me being Mexican ofc…) So this is her solo, the clones and Anakin hype her up doing their little dancy dance.

12-Pump It-Black Eyed Peas

Dogma be loving this song, and no one can change my mind, also Ahsoka always sings the Fergie verse, no matter what.

13-A Thousand Miles-Vanessa Carlton

Is this a dumb headcanon with zero arguments? Yes, it indeed is, but no one will ever change my mind about it, waxer loves this songs and Kix sings and cries to it every time it plays, no one really knows why, but no one cares enough to ask.

14-Y.M.C.A-Village People

Kenobi use to sing this to Anakin when he was a child to make him feel better, he even thought him the dance, so whenever the song plays the whole ship turns to Obi-wan and expect him to do it.

15-Like a Virging-Madonna

Am I dropping more dumb headcanons about Kix? Yes, because he loves this song, but not as much as Anakin, Anakin breaks his vocal chords when it comes to signing it.

16-Wannabe-Spice Girls

Once, cut up said, ironically, that this was the song of 'The domino squad' however, heavy took it very seriously.

17-Barbie Girl-Aqua

Grupal song? group song! It’s so catchy that sometimes even Kenobi catches himself signing the ‘Come on Barbie let’s go party’ line, and even if he think no one has seen it, Cody always reply’s with the little ‘Ah ah ah yeah’

18-Dancing Queen-From ‘Mamma Mia!’ Original Motion Picture Soundtrack- Merly Streep

Please don't notice how obsessed I am with Ahsoka and her wholesome relationship with the 501st clones, Rex always sings this song to Ahsoka, along with the rest of the clones as a magnificent choir.

19-Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)-Backstreets Boys

Fives has a bit of an obsession with the Backstreet Boys, but Echo won't let him die alone, so he always sings the little 'Yeah's’ in the song so Fives won’t feel so alone.

20-Mambo No.5 (A Little Bit of..)-Lou Bega

‘A little bit of Appo in my life, a little bit of Jesse by my side, a little bit of Rex is all I need, a little bit of Kix is what I see, a little bit of hardcase in the sun, a little bit of Echo all night long, a little bit of Fives here I am, a little bit of you makes me your man’ And after coming out with that line at 3 am in the morning, Anakin knew it could’t get any better, once Kenobi heard it, he knew it couldn’t get any worst.

THANKS FOR READING!

If someone is interested on the playlist, here it is!

20 songs, 1 hour and 13 minutes long, best listened in shuffle

[catintheruemorgue]

annoying things they do

summary: small things these guys do that just grinds your gears a bit.

characters: oda, dazai, kunikida, twain, akutagawa, atsushi, mori, poe, ranpo, fittzgerald, steinbeck, chuuya, yosano, gin, kouyou, higuchi, alcott and lucy

these are all based off things i do or have inconvenienced my life lmfao i’ll probs do a part two with everyone i missed this just got wayyy to long lol next im posting being friends with double black 

Oda:

If you're wearing shorts and have bruises he will poke them when you're resting your legs on him. He’s silent about it too and if you yell at him he pretends to act like he doesn't know what you're talking about.

Will smack your sunburn but this one is actually an accident. He just wanted to pat you on the back because you're amazing.

Will space out when you talk too long, sometimes certain objects are just so… mesmerizing

Dazai:

Loves to jumpscare you the only exception is if it was a trigger. In that case he will just call your name and whip something at you for you to catch at random.

When you're driving he likes to reach over and honk your horn. It's almost caused so many roadside fistfights.

If he sees a dog in public he will bark and growl at it.

Kunikida:

Won’t let you on the bed without socks on. You could be sick as a dog and he’ll still enforce this rule.

Cleaning is hard because he has a hard time throwing things away. You'll spend extra time as he holds two identical pens, trying to decide which one he wants to keep. He’s learned to plan certain days in his schedule for cleaning now.

Won't let you turn up the music in the car and will keep it at a level that's so low it's annoying.

Twain:

Walks around the house shirtless but then complains about how cold it is.

Blasts his music so loud when he wakes up in the morning and it's always early 2000’s hits. It's not rare for you to have Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield stuck in your head by 9 am.

Always has to climb something, this stems from his adventurous side. It's not really that annoying but when you’re in a crowded area and he runs off to go climb the tall statue, screaming at you to take a photo… Yes it is. Especially when children try and follow him and you're stuck receiving glares from the parents.

Akutagawa:

Will not let you throw any food products out. He tells you it's a perfectly good meal (even if it's not) and that he will eat it tomorrow. It’s sad because you know this stems from childhood but it’s still annoying.

Reuses the same gross, musty ziplock baggies. You keep buying new ones but he doesn't get it lol.  

Will tell you if your breath smells, hair is messy, outfit is ugly. He does not see an issue with this and it's nice knowing someone has your back but he doesn't have to be so rude about it..

Atsushi:

If he drinks he's one of those drinkers who will not let you take it from him. Keeps an iron grip on the cup. He finishes it no matter how drunk and always throws up. Thankfully he rarely drinks.

He stops to help everyone, literally even if they just look like they need help. You've been late to so many things.

Will eat anything. Once you made steak and somehow forgot about it. It was hard as a brick yet he still almost broke his teeth eating it. You think you saw some tears as he told you it was delicious.

Mori:

Listens to people's conversations in public and isn't afraid to comment, loudly, about it. You know it's loud because they either stop talking or try and confront you guys.

Comes up to stops fast and brakes so hard you feel like he does it on purpose.

Sometimes if he and Elise get into a “disagreement” he’ll try and rope you in to take his side and you always do, knowing it would probably give him more satisfaction if you chose to side with her.

Poe:

Asks for constructive criticism but will then argue with you about why you're wrong.

Always humming a song he heard Twain singing and then it gets stuck in your head too.

Will deny stupid things like why your favorite mug is in the trash or why he just let out rather loud scream in the bathroom. You know he's lying because he looks away and makes sure his bangs are covering his eyes.

Ranpo:

Will call you out on any lie even if you don't mean to lie you just forgot about some of the details.

Don't take him grocery shopping if you have a set amount you want to spend. He won't even sneak, he will just say he wants something and throw it in the cart.

Such a backseat driver even though he can't drive.

Fitzgerald:

Likes to act like he's still in his twenties and will somehow get the two of you invited to college parties where he will attempt to do a kegger in front of everyone. You end up being the one to hold him up and he always ends with a, “LETS FUCKING GO!”

Likes to ask for the senior discount even though he's not that old, he just likes to hear the women validate that he's not old.

It’s scary how he used to buy without looking and now will scream if the price on a price tag is too high.

Steinbeck:

Always looking at the grass for wheat to chew on. It's so cheesy when you walk into the city and he's got it sticking out of his mouth.

He gets weirdly intimate with nature and you feel like you're third wheeling.

Has the mentality that he has to provide for you because he is the man. He gets so shocked when he finds out you still want to work.

Chuuya:

Has a hard time making decisions you could ask him what he wants for dinner and his mind will just break.

Gets way too pissed at movies and will actually get up and walk away. Once you were kicked out of the theater because he wouldn't stop yelling at the screen. Another time he walked out you waited a whole ten minutes before you realized he wasn't coming back.

Sometimes activates his ability at night and it's so scary waking up to him floating halfway across the room.

WOMAN TIME!!!!!!!!!!

Yosano:

Will glare at you so intensely if you say something she disagrees with.

Always tries to rope you into drinking with her even if you’ve said no the past ten nights.

Will describe wounds or injuries in such detail and just won’t stop, almost like she’s trying to fuck with you, but she’s not.

Gin:

Claims to be nothing like her big brother but then will go on to make the same facial expressions and do some of the same mannerisms as him.

Will spend hours trying things on just to put it all back, leave the store and change her mind when you’re almost home. Then she’ll have you run back with her to buy it all.

Is used to sneaking around so scares you a lot. Also on the topic of being silent sometimes she just won’t respond, thinking you can just read her vibes / mind.

Kouyou:

Will judge what you eat, especially fast food but will try and steal a fry in private when you're not looking.

Will say things like, “Well that's just the way the world works.” If someone tries to share their baggage with her. You understand she’s had a pretty rough life but it's caused you to almost spit out your drink multiple times.

At functions forgets about you for about an hour while she mingles with everyone else, you could tap on her shoulder and she'll dismiss you like you're a subordinate. Until you clear your throat again you'll see the slight blush as she apologizes.

Higuchi:

She has no sense of privacy. If she hears a crash or loud noise she will bust down the door. It’s sweet but not when the noises are usually from you knocking all the shampoo bottles down again.

Horrible road rage actually puts you on edge to be in the car with her. She doesn't even have to be driving.

Likes to act like she's a professional at everything and people usually believe it because of her suit. It's so nerve wracking when she giggles when they walk away with false information.

Alcott:

Will agree to everything you suggest but you can only tell when she doesn’t want to do it when you’re currently doing it.

Yet she’s not afraid to grumble about how annoying it is when someone bumps into you and doesn’t apologize. It’s sweet but you’re left dealing with the situation if the person is aggressive enough to say something.

Always corrects your spelling or if you say something like “I could care less.”

Lucy:

Will fish for compliments in a very obvious way like, “Wow. Wish someone would call me pretty..” and then just stare right at you.

Kicks you so violently in her sleep but won't let go of you so you cant get away.

Constantly stealing from restaurants. You're banned from a couple restaurants because she got caught trying to steal a cup or salt shaker.

[actualbird]

first let it be said that i am a giant advocate for polycules. everyone in the nxx should be holding hands.

with that out of the way. HELP I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT VYN/LUKE. it is now crucial for my mental health to pick up this dynamic put it in my mouth like a dog toy and bite with the ferocity necessary to break the little noisemaker. i came for luke but vyn came for ME and now i will never be free.

i don't just need them to hold hands. i need them to play mind games with each other your honor. i need both of them to be hyperaware of what nonsense is going on, analyze it and hide it behind knowing smiles. i need them to then discuss said findings and come at it from two different angles, i need to see the battle of academics and firsthand experience firsthand. i need them to have deep academic discussions about their medical fields. i need vyn to call luke out and have luke bite back with unexpected ferocity and accuracy. i want them to get into such weird niche conversations the other members can no longer follow. i want them to try and figure out what is UP with the other parties secrecy. i want vyn to say some peak horse girl shit and have lukes only point of reference to relate to the man be a mark from 2 years ago that went south. he had to tail the farrier and he now knows way too much about horse anatomy. i need luke to drink instant coffee in front of the man who got a 20 year old pu'erh cake from yunnan for the evening who is currently looking on in barely concealed horrified fascination.

tl;dr: bark bark bark

-💚

heyyo, greenheart! and also this anon who sent this ask MONTHS AGO but finally my vibes are Aligned To Talk About Vyn/Luke

GREENHEART R U PSYCHIC? AND/OR FOLLOW ME ALSO ON MY PRIV TWT? cuz just yesterday on my priv twt i briefly went mildly insane about vyn/luke and YEAH EXACTLY THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO INTERESTING TO ME

at first glance, vyn and luke seem like characters who are LEAGUES APART. but in my prev analysis, "the nxx boys and bad things", i realized a commonality when i made the diagram in there

vyn and luke are both on the active end of the spectrum, in terms of their behavior and tendencies towards their respective "bad thing" but i wont into that again cuz i already explain what i mean in the analysis itself

what i do wanna delve into is how this active-ness makes vyn and luke's dynamic so interesting. like, vyn likes being in control and uses his expertise of it with no holds barred. luke has a very clear "i'll do it myself" mindset in so many situations. in moments that matter for one reason or another, they dont idle, they act.

it's almost as if theyre both on the "offensive", so to speak

to make this clearer, i'll bring up the only thing ive written thus far that focuses on vyn and luke's dynamic (not ship but still i feel strongly about this): chapter 5 of "filler episodes of the lost gold"

as context for u, greenheart, this fic is all little inbetween scenes of the plot heavy event Mystery Of The Lost Gold that happened back in september. i very VERYYYYY MUCH RECCOMMEND u watch recordings of this event because up to this day, it's my fave tot event of all time

but yeah, in this chapter, vyn and luke hang out and it's vyn pov and i wanted to put vyn at a disadvantage but i know hes also such a perceptive and analytical person. and ive always had this feeling that of all the boys, vyn would be most cautious about luke. afterall, luke is new on the team. vyn hasnt known him as long as marius or artem. additionally, luke comes from a background of espionage. all this makes vyn wary about luke, makes vyn want to "figure luke out"

but heres the thing about luke: very often we fixate on his tank/combat abilities that we forget hes an investigator

luke, adept at solving puzzles, can easily perceive vyn just as vyn perceives him. i would even go as far to say that luke, sometimes, has the upper hand. cuz i think vyn approaches the unknown with this mindset of "what are the weakpoints?" so that he can leverage himself to a place of control

luke does that too but also hes an engineer and inventor. hes not looking just at weakpoints. to metaphorize, he looks at things in terms of taking it apart and seeing what each piece means.

all that is why that chapter ended up like that.

and all that to say the like, vyn and luke's dynamic (be it romantic ship or platonic interactions) is so so sOOOO FASCINATING TO ME BECAUSE THEYRE BOTH ACTIVE, theyre both PERCEPTIVE, but due to personality and background, that active perception is different enough to keep the other on their toes

vyn would call luke out on all his unhealthy and over excessive self destruction. luke would call vyn out acting as if the whole world will regard him only with cruelty. vyn and luke r deffo two characters that, once they come head to head, would push each other to confront things the other probably wouldve wished to leave alone.

dumb overthinking meta aside, their vibes are just so HILARIOUSLY DIFFERENT AND IT IS DELIGHTFUL TO ME

vyn: luke, what are you drinking?

luke: oh this? homemade energy drink! i call it "Raise The Roof!" haha

vyn: and what is it made of?

luke: uh. monster energy, red bull, and kool aid?

vyn, at a loss: no

alternately

luke: aw man, i passed out on my bed a few nights ago after a mission and got bloodstains all over my sheets and they wont wash out >:/

vyn: oh?

the next day, a delivery comes to luke's doorstep and it's SINFULLY HIGH THREADCOUNT SILKY SOFT SHEETS FROM SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRY

[chrisevansszn]

A Quick Fling. 🥵

2k word!

18 & up only!

Short story!

Tonight, a group of you and your coworkers are going out to a bar. A group of about eight for a fun night out.

It was a local bar in Boston called “Drink”. You put on a cute black dress and some   Gold YSL Opyum pumps. You arrived at the bar around 9:30PM, and the crew was already there. Devin booked a corner in the VIP sections so you all could hang out and chat with no problem. You walked to the section and everyone seemed to be staring at you. Probably because you rarely wear a dress and heels.

“Hi everyone”, you said walking up.

The crew consisted of Devin, Jordan, Michael, Jesi, Matt, Jake, Christina, and Chris. You all have been working as detectives for many years together. You all are practically family.

“Ok Y/N. I see you!”, Matt hollers out.

“Matt cut it out please!”, you blushed so hard, but you were seriously wearing that dress. It was hugging every curve on your body.

Your section came with its own waitress, so you ordered a vodka and cranberry. You found a spot between Jesi and Chris. You chatted up with both until your drink came. It was strong just like you wanted.

“Y/N I don’t think I have ever seen you in a dress since working with you for five years.”, Chris says.

“I know. I am honestly not a dress girl, but I figured I would throw one on.”

“It looks nice.”

“Thank you, Chris.”. You smiled at him.

The conversation turned into work and included everyone. Cases, unsolved murders, the whole nine. The waitress brought over a round of shots for everyone. Everyone then decided to go to the dance floor. The music is good, and everyone is gathered around dancing. You noticed how good Chris is looking in his flannel shirt. You make your way a little closer to dance next to him.

You finished your drink mid dance and decided to go to the bar to get another.

“Can I have Cosmo please?” The bar tender nodded.

“Hi beautiful.”

You looked over and saw a strange man next to you. Way older and not your type. You smile and give a dry hello. He continues to talk to you and you really are trying to ignore him. Come on bartender!

“Are you single beautiful?”

“No, I’m not. I actually have a boyfriend.”

“Well, where is he then? Leaving you here all alone.”

“I’m right here.”

You turn around and see Chris.

“Yep. Here is my man.” You fake smile again. Chris sits on the seat next to you. The man gives you and Chris the side eye. He isn’t buying it. You turn to face Chris and wrap your arms around his shoulders. Chris gives you a smile. He is trying to keep from laughing.

“Baby did you order another drink yet?” You ask.

“No, I didn’t. I can’t stop admiring you in this dress.”

Chris grabs you by the waist and brings you closer in between his legs. What the fuck is he doing?

“Not in front of everyone Chris.” You give him and look and pull away a little.

The man next to you is still staring. Chris laughs. Chris turns quickly and orders him another drink and he turns back around facing you. The eye contact you both are making is nothing like you two have ever done before.

You have to play the role. You step back between Chris’ legs and lean in. He grabs you again and takes you in his arms. You both sing the song that is playing to each other and catching a vibe. You lean in and give Chris a kiss on the lips and you feel him grab your right ass cheek and squeeze.

Now you’re doing too much sir! You like it….not going to lie.

The kiss wasn’t long but enough to make the man walk away. Chris didn’t let go either.

“You can let go now Chris.”

“What if I don’t want to.”

You paused…

“People will talk, and you know that.”

He giggled.

“I will let go this time.”

He releases you. You didn’t want him to. You both take your drinks back to the VIP section and sit. The rest came over shortly behind.

The group continued to drink and dance in the VIP section until the bar closed. Everyone was drunk off their ass and Uber’s were called. You went to the ladies’ room while everyone walked out. A few minutes later you walked out and saw Chris standing close to the exit.

“Chris did you call an Uber?”

“Oh yes, but I wanted to wait on you. I didn’t want you to be by yourself. You know?”

Damn. What a great man!

“Oh, thank you!”

“Feel free to join my Uber ride. We stay pretty close to either other.”

“Sure.”

You both walk outside and notice everyone else was already gone. Your Uber finally arrived. Chris opened the door for you, and you climbed in. He followed suit. The Uber pulled off. You wasted no time.

You leaned over.

“Why don’t I just go home with you instead?”

You rubbed your hand from Chris’ left knee up to his thigh, and then softly across his dick. It had been a while and some pipe is exactly what you needed.

Chris gave you THE LOOK. He took his middle finger into his mouth and licked it and turned and slid his finger up your vagina. You sighed softly. Oh…you are going to give Chris all of you tonight. He penetrated your folds and took everything for you not to moan.  He then took his fingers from your vagina and leaned in a little closer. Chris then stuck the same finger in his mouth to taste your waterfalls never once breaking eye contact from you.

The Uber arrived at Chris’ place and you both hope out. He has a nice ass farmhouse on some acres. He grabs you by the hand and you both walk to his front door. You could hear a dog barking from behind the door. Chris unlocks the door and uses his leg to block his dog from running out.

“Dodger back.”, he says gently.

He pushes the door open and allows you to walk in first and then closes and locks the door behind him.

“Hi Dodger.”, you give him a gentle rub.

“Come on Bubba..bedtime.”

Dodger follows Chris down the hallway. Your guess is to another bedroom.  You take off your heels in the hallway…fuck it. You could barely walk in them anymore. You see Chris coming back down the hallway.

“Do you want some water or- “

You instantly grab him and kiss those pink lips. He kisses you back so passionately and pushes you into the nearest wall. You grab his dick outside of his pants and you can feel it getting longer. Chris begins kissing you on your neck and lifts up your dress and grabs your ass and squeeze.

“That ass is perfect.” He says to you. He takes you by the hand and leads you into his bedroom.  You push him down on his bed, and then unzip your dress as he watches you. He sticks his hands down his pants and begins to rub his dick.  Your dress drops to the floor revealing your perfect breast and laced thong.

“Spin around for me sweetheart.”

You slowly turned so Chris could see every inch of your body. His are fixated on you, all of his attention is yours. You grab one ass cheek and squeeze it just for fun.

“Holy shit.”, you hear him whisper.

You walk over to him and softly kiss his lips. You move over to his cheek, down to his neck, and a quick lick on his right ear. You could hear his quiet moans. You unbutton his red and blue flannel revealing the muscle shirt underneath. His tattoos peeking out and is necklace hanging. A complete turn on. Chris takes off his flannel and muscle shirt revealing his body that is literally a canvas. Tattoos everywhere! Time to kiss them all. You push Chris back on the bed and climb on top.

You move slowly down kissing and licking each tattoo along the way. You unzip is pants and pulling out his long hard dick. He was ready for you, but first things first. You licked Chris’ dick from the bottom up to the tip. You can feel his hands in your hair and hear him take a deep breath. You take his entire dick in your mouth. Up and down, you got giving Chris that super sloppy 6000! You are giving him the two-hand action in the process.  

Your puss is throbbing. You wanted penetration immediately. You slid off your thong and climb on top. You slowly sat down on that thick dick and threw your head back. It was everything you needed. Up and down, you went while Chris had one hand on your ass and the other holding your breast. You let out moans.

After some time, Chris grabs you by the waist and flips you over. Now he is on top. He completely comes out of his pants and underwear. He pulls you to the edge of the bed and enters your walls again. As he strokes, he leans over you and gently grabs you around your neck and slightly chokes you. THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE! You’re are literally nose to nose with each other. You stick out your tongue and gently lick the outside of his lips. He giggled.

He then takes his dick out of you and begins to devour you like no one else had. His cooch eating game CANNOT be touched. While he’s eating your soul, he then sticks two fingers inside of you. Your back arches.

“Y/N you taste so fucking good.”

He then flips you over and pulls you up on all fours. He teases you with just the tip in and out, in and out.

“Chris give me your dick now.”

“Say no more baby.”

He rams his dick in your puss from behind and lets out a few moans. Faster and faster, he goes and harder and harder. Your mouth is stuck open and your eyes roll back. Chris continues to fuck you in different positions: on your back, from the side, on your stomach. Who knew he would be able to go so long!

You finally heard him say. “I’m fucking about to nut.”

He groans but not too loud, and you orgasm at the same time. He lays next to you and kisses your shoulder. Chris’ dick was so fucking good. You get up and go to his bathroom to clean up. You walk out and start putting your dress on.

“Wait, where are you going?”, Chris asked.

“Home.”, you say while grabbing your phone to order an Uber.

“Why don’t you just stay for the night?”

“That’s how people catch feelings. This is a business transaction.”

Chris busts out laughing.

“If you say so Y/N.”

He walks up to you and kisses your neck.

“Come to the kitchen with me, so I can get you a bottle of water. We drank a lot tonight.”

You all did. You didn’t even both putting on your heels because you could barely walk without them. You follow him to the kitchen, and he hands you a bottle of Fiji. You phone dings letting you know your Uber has arrived. Chris walked you outside and opened the car door.

“Text me when you make it home…please.”

“Of course. Goodnight Chris.”

“Goodnight Y/N”

He closes the door, and the Uber takes off. You left your panties behind.

Maybe he will call you up soon to come back and pick them up….

I hope you enjoyed! Follow for more! 💛

[wakasa-wifey]

Okay so umm it's 14th Feb here so it's already Valentine's Day!! It's nothing much but I just wanna show some appreciation to several mutuals that I've been talking to!! I don't tag all my moots I'm sorry T-T but these ppl are the ones that I interact with the most. Heads up its gonna be so fcking long.

Here's a love letter for you guys <33

@iz-ana - Sarabi my twin flame <33 bb i remembered me asking u why u followed me gszgxyx and u said its bcs of my vibes. just for u to know, i appreciate ur existence in my life like fr. u also the kind of person that comes to check up on ur moots if u don't see their posts AND PLS I WILL CRY bcs i just felt cared for T-T. I love our conversations bout TR theories, drabbles and thoughts about them (PLS I LOVE YESTERDAY'S BRAINSTORM THE MOST) AND THE WAY WE'RE PROTECTING IZANA . i sucks at writing love letter here shush but do know i appreciate you popping in my notifs and ur dms always gave me lots of serotonin. and hajsheyd just adding here i love how u are like "encouraging" me more to be a bitch to those who messed with my irl friends. what did u call me again- AH "scary dog privilege" bye hskxhxnx i love chatting with u bcs our convo can starts with a matured aura but then randomly we go into crack mode lmaoooo then kaboom espresso depresso bcs we missed izana :( ily okie don't stop shining!!!

@sanzu-sanzu-sanzu - ANRI, MY FELLOW HORROR MOVIES/STORIES ETHUSIAST! okay so we don't really interact much these days bcs we're both busy with outside life yes yes BUT I AM REALLY REALLLLLYYY HAPPY that we got to bond over our love on horror stuffs. and i'm really happy that you take my Thai horror movie suggestions for your to add into you to watch list. i followed u back then bcs of the Songs for the Toxic People fics and i don't remember when u followed me back lmaooo but u were the 3rd followers of mine AND i remembered our first interaction was me asking how u incorporated arts into ur story. always happy that u appreciate my barking in the reblogs lmaooo. just remember that u are talented okay? anri, u are one of the softest, gentle person i ever known and even if u are older than me istg i will squish u if we ever meet. and i'm gonna be part of ur protection squad <33 yhanks for existing in my life

@roczdust - DEI MY CRACK PARTNER!! my dude pls step on me u are literally stunning😭💕 and anddddd let me tell u, ur writings??? IMMACULATE. i first followed u due to that vulnerable drug addict Sanzu i remembered that but my first read was the Kaku's sniper s/o!! i hadn't manage to go thru all ur series yet due to uni and a certain grade a a-hole prof BUT I'M ON A BREAK SO I WILL GO TRHU EVERYTHING. PLS EXPECT THE BARKINGS IN TAGS. OH OH EVERYONE!! IF U GUYS WANNA READ ANGST, CRACKS FICS, EVEN POEMS PLS GO TO DEI'S WRITING ACC RIGHT HERE @rozcdust THEY HAVE SO SOOO MANY GOOD UNGOING/FINISHED SERIES!! my fave one forever gonna be Sanzu's and i don't accept other criticism. OH AND I REALLY DO APPRECIATE UR EXISTENCE IN MY LIFE FRFR I LOVE UR CRACK HEADEDNESS IN THE CJATS AND THE WAY WE BOTH FORGOT TO REPLY TO EACH OTHERS TEXTS LOLOL ILY PLATONICALLY pls do take care of urself n dms always open if u need me or wanna ask stuffs!!

@arosora - AVAAAAAAAA <33 i don't think u gonna expect this but hajshsjz PLS yes we don't talk too much since we just started being moots a week or two ago(?) BUT i like that u randomly popped into my inbox after the message i sent in ur gform lmaoooo <33 AND!!!! AND THEN WE FOUND OUT THAT WE'RE BOTH COSPLAYERS?!?!?! PLS THE CONVO STARTS BEING ME SIMPING OVER YOU (praise the lord i can't get ur wakasa cosplay outta my head) PLS PLS PLS TAKE CARE OF URSELF AND UR HEALTH!!! if one day i'm able to travel, i'll definitely go and visit u and we can go to a con together!! i stalked both ur cosplay tiktok n insta hhh and pls i'm dying over each cosplay. they're so so soooooo good <33 ALSO LISTEN UP EVERYONE!!! AVA HAS A WAKASA SERIES THAT YA'LL MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN!!! SHE'S DEPICTING WAKASA'S PERSONALITY LIKE MIKEY! (with the dark impulses) she's currently on hiatus due to a con BUT YES DO GIVE IT A READ ISTG!! oh and ava, take care at the con n take care of ur health <33 thank u for existing <33

@p-antomime - KIKI, MY PIE, MY SOULMATE, MY WIFE, MY EVERYTHING, THE MAIN CHARACTER IN MY LIFE. Ik u know this BUT i will tell u over and over again. U are talented. don't let others bring u down just bcs they're jealous of ur talent. don't be sad of not being chosen for performances bcs that's just bs (who knows if the chosen ones actually bribed the instructors/j) just unleash ur talent bitch don't hide it in. again ik u know this but i love you🙄❤️ yes i do bully u a lot but take it as affections will ya? and andddd i really realllllyyy love our conversations. i love the way u just stop typing and let me rant bout my cats and the shitty day i had. i REMEMBERED that message when u hit 2k followers, u were so soooo happy and i am so happy that u texted ME to tell bout it. andddd ah what else.. Oh kiki u are one oblivious person pls 😔✋it's funny that u still don't get the idea of my bday gift to u although it's literally written in the convo. u are a dumbass but u are my dumbass so ily -_- bitch if u didn't followed me back then, fr i would had missed my chances to interact with u and thus i really appreciate ur random follow (heads up ur my first follower bye) n ur existence in my life <33 oh and our convos always somehow ended up being fruity bye ur theatre kid ass ain't straight don't try to act like one -_-

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY I LOVE YOU GUYS <33