#but it doesn't bring you much health risks to be swallowing it

[socialantleredrabbit]

nari I would like you to kindly clarify for me which liquid of the human body is worse to be into than piss

fucking uhhhh... spinal fluid?

-katya

i would classify vomit as a liquid, honestly. i think it's worse than piss

[actual-changeling]

"Oh, fuck, sorry."

The connector drops with a shattering clang loud enough to echo through their pod, the glass valve inside springing apart on impact and showering her feet in a rain of splinters. In hindsight, working with bare feet is an obvious health hazard, but the sun their current station is orbiting is bringing their cooling systems to their limits, and she'd rather risk a few cuts than overheat. Still, her hands are sweaty, and while this is not the only part that has slipped from her palms so far, it is the first to break.

Cee barely feels the sting of a dozen bloody pinpricks across her skin, too busy sucking in a much needed breath after the last one got stuck in her throat long enough to make her dizzy. She steadies herself against the wall, eyelids fluttering as panic crashes over her in waves, a feeling not as old as she would like it to be, and the internal mantra of not him, not him, not him fades in the light of a new situation. It's not that she is a clumsy person, the opposite, really, yet every small mistake, every slip of hand, every broken glass, or every smoking soldering point had been followed by a gut-wrenching sigh of deep-seated annoyance at best and a bone-chilling surge of words at worst.

Her mind is wandering before she can stop it, memories flickering by like stars, only more horrifying and less beautiful while burning just as bright, and with her vision darkening, the sudden weight of a hand on her shoulder makes her flinch. Glass crunches beneath her soles when her body sways in an attempt to move away, sending pain straight up her leg. The fall she was about to take was only stopped by the very same hand wrapping around her arm.

The collision with Ezra's chest knocks the air out of her as a bitter mixture of anxiety and relief fills her mouth, shame burrowing its way through her skin.

"Sorry, I- sorry."

Catching her breath, her head finds its way to its usual resting place, and she closes her eyes to bury her face fully in his neck.

"Sorry," she mumbles again, her words muffled by his skin, and she isn't even sure what exactly she is apologizing for - dropping the connector or once again flinching away from him.

His arm slips around her back with practiced ease, the pressure of his palm rubbing circles between her shoulder blades not only comforting but gently urging her lungs to relax.

"Nothing to be sorry for, little bird. I should have asked first, I simply meant to prevent you from further injury - not that I was very successful."

The pain fades as tears sting in her eyes instead, and she clamps her jaw shut and grits her teeth to keep them from falling, willing her brain to just shut up. Ezra, she reminds herself, Ezra, not him. Ezra, Ezra, Ezra, his name looping and bouncing around her head, erasing the panic obstructing its path, and she doesn't realize her fingers are clinging to the back of his shirt until her knuckles ache. Cee swallows another bout of tears when he presses a soft kiss to her temple, not loosening his hold but tugging her away from the mess on the floor.

"Come on, birdie, let me fix you up."

[rin-and-jade]

https://www.tumblr.com/rin-and-jade/742298875972452352/ive-recently-come-out-of-dormancy-and-a-few?source=share

hey, anon from this post. i have recently found out that it fears not being in control and letting someone else other than him (he still doesn't trust us alone unfortunately, that's why he comes back every time it says it'll leave us by ourselves for a while) and he gets too paranoid of losing time while dormant. he doesn't know when he'll come back and it makes him nervous. hope I answered it right, I'm not too familiar with this thing :') - ⭐

Okay, then this answer is for your dear host,, also there's no right or wrong answer, just genuine and different ones.

This might be a hard pill to swallow, because life is all about embracing uncertainty, instead of trying to tame it to your will.

What i mean by this is that, like how everything is good for us in a certain amount,, it is not proven to do more benefits from overabundance of one kind. This can be applied to simple examples as we work our way to the main point;

like how hydrating is good but the more you drink than your kidney's capacity to filter is a problem. Or how eating gives you energy but too much means the leftovers aren't efficiently used, thus building up fat. Or how exercising is great for health, but overexerting yourself puts you risk to a muscle tear or lots of aches that will disturb your next morning.

This stands true if you are out here working and constantly trying to keep things in check with no breaks, does mean you're bound to be exhausted faster, and prevent new paths or results from flourishing. Rest is an IMPORTANT factor for increasing productivity and i understand that it is scary to leave things alone, as if you watch a pot of boiling water could explode if you turn your head away.

But that's the thing, we all have our fears, perceived or real,, that pot of boiling water will still keep boiling even if we look at it or not, and sometimes our thoughts try to keep us away from dangers that could happen by thinking of the worst, which is setting that kitchen on fire...

Point is, you have many to un-learn, things you can start doing will be understanding that:

Too much of something is bad, its usually counterproductive.

we all need rest, or a time off, even if it's something we like to do. And trust the process. This will be a difficult task since you are used to being constantly present, but i have faith.

Sometimes, our fear and worst case scenarios creep up our minds and we accept them as facts, even if it's not proven. It takes more than a water in a pot to explode a whole kitchen if you leave it alone, so with that being said,, being off for a day or two will definitely be no different when you're there. Granted you can start learning how to rely on someone for once, it really takes that huge weight outta you, its so worth it,, you must try that.

Understand your own thought processes, and the logic, and the reason behind those why's. Knowing how your mind works will help you in the long run and brings so much understanding that can't be obtained by seeing externally. Practice mindfulness and introspect more often,, this can be done as simple as asking "why do i feel this way?"

Also, you have other parts that are willing to support you, and that includes me. It is also a lie that you can fight fears when you're ready, nobody is ever ready for change, so let's all do it scared with support.

(also, you, with the star sign, update on me one last time with the situation, it doesn't matter when, but i will always be there and i'd like to hear how things had went in the future, okay? Please keep this url.)

- j

[weshallc]

I know most people are probably over it or sick to death of hearing about it and some just wondering what all the fuss is about. But, I keep hijacking everyone's posts. So I'm just going to say what I thought and be done with it.

Series 12 Ep 5 under the bar just in case anyone has skilfully managed to avoid spoilers.

Yesterday I received a very kind comment on the first fanfic I ever wrote. I remember at the time, because it was my first attempt and I didn't know if there would be another, I plunged every single idea I'd had about that period of the show into it. I didn't hold anything back for another time. That's what Series 12 Ep 5 felt like to me.

In the first five minutes we are introduced to six storylines even though Mrs Wallace opening a dry cleaners doesn't have much mileage. Apart from a bit of foreshadowing spotted by @ctmwidower

The most positive storyline is that of the Barkelys. I think is the first time we have seen a positive portrayal of a hospital birth. Yes, Phyllis is on hand to offer support, but the cardiologist and the obstetrician are actually quite human. There was something that got my hackles up, but I don't think this is an error because this kind of situation still arises today. Dr Turner tells Mrs B she mustn't risk another pregnancy because of her heart condition. When she suggests getting her tubes tied, he tells her she is too young. Now if he had added, I'm not ruling out they may find a treatment for your heart condition in the future, that was a different conversation.

Spencer's story. I imagine was to show how difficult it was to obtain psychiatric support. As a GP, he was left without adequate resources trying to do his best. I also get the punchline is waiting times for mental health referrals are much worse today. But, I don't get why an experienced GP handled it so badly. "Are you hearing voices?" "No" "Oh, OK then". Followed by here is a pill from out of my pocket (that did used to happen) you can spit it out when I walk away before I watch you swallow it.

Jill knew he was hearing voices, his mother knew, Nancy knew, Cyril knew, probably even Mrs Wallace knew. All he had to ask was, "Does Spencer sometimes think the TV or radio is on when it isn't?" I really didn't see the point of the stabbing other than sensationalism. It was a pretty drastic measure just so Cyril could be gifted a phone call to Jamaica.

Which brings me to my next point. This was an episode of stories that went nowhere. We'll never know what happens to Spencer, the stabbing wasn't an exit story and Cyril was discharged pretty swiftly. Unless he suffers from PTSD or it brings Lucille back, not sure what the point of that was. We don't know what method of contraception the Barkleys chose that story just fizzled out. Shelagh isn't pregnant. Sir Brigham was introduced just to kill him off and maybe to send Trixie on a cardiac refresher course because it was pretty obvious what was going to happen in 'the little boys room' and she can update her CPR training. I do hope we are not starting to trade medical accuracy for dramatic effect.

There was also an outbreak of characters acting out of character. The positive being MORE angsty, overwhelmed, telling it like it is Shelagh, please! Well over due. That takes us back to Patrick, who isn't having the best of episodes tbh. All I can think is Heidi and Stephen had a bet on how many meaningless cliches Dr Turner could say in one episode. Why there wasn't any physical contact between the two? Well, we've been wondering that for ten years now. I still think the door frame scene was filmed with each actor separately. Otherwise I'm bewildered.

Two of the original characters who have been at Nonnatus well over a decade, maybe two, suddenly forgot how to deal with authority. Fred, who was supposed to protect Poplar from a nuclear attack and against Russian spies, seems to have forgotten that 'loose tongues cost lives'. One slip would have been forgivable, but why is he telling him confidential information about salaries, and how does he even know that information?

Sister Julienne meanwhile turned into Auld Jenny, wittering on about love. I hate to admit I had to agree with Mr Threapwood there. "It is 1968, love is no longer a legitimate currency." Did make me laugh. Meanwhile, Lucille's personality transplant is almost complete in Jamaica.

To end on a positive note and to cut Dr T some slack, Patrick's facial expressions were spot on during the talk. I found the Chuckle Brothers (thank you again @ctmwidower ) bathing shenanigans funny and also quite nice to see an aspect of 1960s social care. But did we really have time for it in such a full episode?

"All thoughts, feelings and understanding are broken into pieces and cannot be made to connect in the usual way." Was a great description by Sister Veronica. I just wondered if she was talking about the episode.

[reidsaurora]

Part Twelve: "Years Of Hoping" ~ S. Reid

Summary: After years of hoping, Spencer might finally receive his chance to reunite with Imogen.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Imogen Sterren (bipolar!OC)

Word Count: 1,714

Content Warning: DARK THEMES (this fic discusses Spencer having been m0lested as a child, PLEASE continue at your own risk), explicit language, mentions of medications, mentions of mental health facilities, mentions of food, minor character death but not really, tiny mention of alcohol, let me know if i missed anything!

Genre: Angst, really just a ton of angst

Extra Notes: nothing i can think of at the moment!!

Based On the Song: Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift

Originally Written: 01/08/2023 through 01/21/2023 (re-edited on 05/14/2023)

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

"Soon You'll Get Better" series masterlist can be found here!

"𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥. 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠." - 𝐏𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐨 𝐂𝐨𝐞𝐥𝐡𝐨

Spencer paced anxiously around the meeting room of the Atlantic City Police Department's precinct. His chest heaved, his heart thumping with so much rage that he wasn't quite sure he wouldn't punch Arthur Malcolm in the face when he arrived at New Lives Mental Health Facility.

He stayed silent as Hotch directed each team member with new instructions to find this unsub, now known as Samantha Malcolm.

Finally, after the raven-haired man had finished his instructions, Spencer spoke up for what felt like the first time in the whole afternoon. "I wanna go to New Lives. Whether or not she's there, I wanna talk to the father. There are literally hundreds of therapies to help kids through loss. Electroshock is not one of them."

Though no one could see it, Penelope's brows knitted together with worry on the other end of the phone. "Hey, Reid. Before you go, there's something I need to talk to you about. Well, actually there's something I need to show you through Derek's laptop, if he doesn't mind sharing of course."

Derek smirked. "You know how good I am at minding my manners, mama."

"Garcia, can it wait? I mean, we're kind of on a time crunch here," Spencer said, nearly in a grumble.

She swallowed hard and nervously. "I think you're gonna want to see this now." Spencer knew by her tone of voice that she was on the brink of tears.

Spencer snatched the computer up and rushed to take his phone off speakerphone mode as he strutted out of the room. He nearly slammed the door behind him as he finally found an empty room. "What is the matter, Penelope?"

Her heart panged as she considered the information she was about to give him. "OK, first of all, I know you're upset over this case. I know that it brings up past feelings about your father and the things that happened to you as a kid. So, please, if you need to sit the rest of this case out, just tell me and I will let Hotch know."

By the time she'd finished her spiel, they both felt silent cries leaving their bodies. He lifted a thumb to his cheek, forcefully wiping away a tear that managed to escape. "I'm fine, Penelope," he said, his words possessing as much bite as a fresh lemon. "It's just been… it's been a long day, OK?"

"Spencer, you're not fine. This man-"

"Is horrible and vile, just like my own father," he provided. "He's not the first pedophile we've dealt with and he won't be the last. I'm going to be fine. Really."

She nodded as if he could see her. She spoke again, forcing herself to swallow the hockey puck sized lump in her throat. "I also know it's the three-year anniversary of you meeting Imogen and I know that's part of the reason why you're upset today."

Imogen: a name he hadn't heard but a handful of times in the past three years since they'd spoken last.

"Penelope, what does that have to do with-"

She stopped him. "That's why I need you to look at the computer."

Spencer placed the computer on the table, watching as Penelope clicked through her slides, even from almost two hundred miles away. No matter how much time passed and no matter how much technology continued to progress, Spencer would never be convinced that the blonde on the other side of the screen was anything short of a wizard.

Finally, after clicking through a couple different slides, she spoke again. "OK, what's on the next one might be a little triggering so I'm going to need you to sit down."

"Penelope, I'm not-"

"Spence, please," she said, her voice as soft as a baby lamb. "Please just sit down. For me."

Reluctantly, he sat in the lone desk chair, grasping the armrests hard as it nearly slid it out from underneath him. However, what was on the next slide was enough to make Spencer fall out of the chair, no matter how hard he gripped the armrests.

"Are you alright?" Penelope panicked, having heard Spencer's tussle with the office chair.

"Yeah, I'm…" His tongue went nearly numb as he pulled himself up from the floor. "Imogen is at New Lives?"

Penelope stayed quiet for a moment. She knew no matter how she said her next sentence, she'd be in deep shit with Spencer. So, she went with the band-aid method, ripping it off as quickly as possible. "Spencer, there's… well, do you remember when I told you I knew about Imogen from a tech analyst's perspective?"

His teeth gritted together so hard, Penelope wasn't so sure she wouldn't hear them come out his nose. "Garcia, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I just maybe withheld important information that you probably want to know. But the only reason I didn't say anything was because I thought Imogen should be the one to tell you."

Spencer stayed quiet as Penelope switched to the next page. His tongue went numb once again, his mind in an almost matching state. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. The only one of his senses that hadn't left was seeing, which he wasn't sure was a good thing when Imogen's file popped open on the computer screen.

"August…" he managed to get out, his airway feeling as tight as the time he'd had an allergic reaction to shrimp. "August is her son?"

"Her sister Astrid's had custody of him since his fourth birthday, right before Imogen was admitted to Bennington."

"Who's the…" He couldn't even get the words out.

Penelope took a deep breath. "His name was Drew. He left as soon as August was born. Apparently he was seeing another girl behind Imogen's back during her pregnancy."

Spencer could feel his peanut butter and jelly sandwich from lunch rising in his stomach. His cheeks were on fire with something close to boiling rage. "If I ever get my hands on him-"

"Not unless you wanna go six feet under for him," she stopped him. "As it turns out, karma's a bitch. He and the girl got super drunk one night and crashed. Almost killed a little girl the same age as August."

It was all so much for Spencer at one time. The new information. The old feelings. His hand started to flail, something it hadn't done in years, not since he'd vowed off stimming. "You look ridiculous, and it's not helping anymore anyway," he'd told himself. The same day he'd decided to stop concerning himself with Imogen. The same day he'd had his last bad panic attack—one that made him pass out on the way to Penelope's office.

He crawled out of his thoughts, swallowing hard in hopes of eliminating the tears coming up in his throat. "Pen, why did you tell me all of this?"

"You know how the unsub, Samantha, lives at one of her father's halfway houses?"

Spencer nodded as if the blonde could see him. When she didn't say anything, he managed to mumble, "Uh-huh."

"Imogen's living in one of his houses too. The one next door to Samantha's."

The room stayed silent, save for Spencer's heavy breathing and Penelope's on the other end of the phone. His face felt numb yet heavy, like if he didn't know what was happening, he would assume he was having a stroke.

He continued reading through her file silently. He read that her birthday was January the twenty-second, just a mere week after he'd received her last letter. He read that she was born 1982, just a mere three months after he was born. He read that she gave birth to August in 2002. Finally, he read her latest progress report from her new doctor.

After six months on her newest medication, Pristiq (Desvenlafaxine), Imogen is showing many improvements. Her depressive episodes show much milder symptoms than those she experienced when she first transferred to New Lives in 2007. I am going to consult my colleagues and ask their opinions first, but I am thinking of allowing her visiting time with her son.

Spencer's eyes darted down to the clock on the bottom-right corner of the screen, and realized he'd been reading for about three minutes. Three minutes filled with silence thick enough to cut with a knife.

He swallowed the last of his tears and spoke again. "I have to go, Pen. The case…"

She sniffled, clearly having cried during the moment of silence. "Yeah," she mumbled, sniffling once more, "Of course. Be careful out there."

Spencer hated confrontation, but he knew there was something obviously upsetting Penelope, so instead of hanging up and ignoring it for his own sake, he asked, "Is everything alright, Penny?" for his best friend's sake.

"Well, you know how I read all those romance novels. What if this is your second chance romance?"

He pondered her question for a beat, but stayed silent. To be fair, he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to respond anyway.

"I've read through her file, Spencer. She's slowly getting better but what if you're that one last boost she needs? I mean, her doctor even said in his notes that he might let August come stay with her soon to see how she does. What if you're what she needs to help her through that?"

His hands shook like his life depended on it. On one hand, maybe she was right. Maybe he could help her through it. Maybe this was the chance he'd prayed for all those years ago, when he'd decided to let her go in hopes of getting her back one day.

But on the other hand, maybe she wouldn't want him. Maybe the sight of him at her doorstep would set her off all over again. After all, the last thing he'd ever heard when visiting Bennington was "You started this. She didn't act this way until she met you."

Maybe it was times like these when desperate people found faith. He knew he'd never get what Imogen went through, but he knew there wasn't a day that went by where he hadn't tried to understand. Not once in the entire three years he'd been hoping for their reunion.

Maybe with Spencer's help, Imogen could get better soon.

"𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥." - 𝐔𝐧𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧

So... this was supposed to be posted three months ago...

I know, I know. There's no way I can make that up to you guys. I wish I had a better explanation, but the honest truth is that I had no one to beta read these last few chapters and in my head, they weren't good enough for you guys without it. So, here I am, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and giving you the real, raw, unpolished product.

And hey, what better way to end this? Three chapters, posted at 3:33 pm on a Sunday. 💖

-> taglist: @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @nomajdetective @kbakery @leigh70 @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @lunar-affection @givemeth @lavhoes @rhyanishere @cat-lockwood @danielle143 @marsmallow433 @handsupforamiracle @topguncultleader @mente-sindescanso @reverieofmgg @spencer-reids-adventures @ah-blossom @encyclo-reid-ia @reidselle @thevisionthedream @dungeons-are-too-cold @wwwonzeee @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @annahalstead5021 @cwritesforfun @soapiebear @maelartasch @buckyyyismahhlife @cynbx @hellooitsrose @rexorangecouny @lcvingprentjss

☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒☆

[maplecornia]

chapter 60

infinite stars masterlist | BTS masterlist | masterlist | playlist

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 3.33K

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤: bts x female!reader

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: is this the beginning of our end?

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language | mentions of rape | childhood trauma | multiple forms of abuse | mentions of blood and injuries | toxic relationships | mentions of alcohol and drugs

taglist [OPEN]: @jaeyunverse | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear (not taggable) | @mangminnie | @plxlekoo (not taggable) | @cana | @eridanuswave | @missseoulite | @kodzuskook | @bingyuu (not taggable) | @soobmint | @hyunjxnxee | @gongiz | @uno7 | @yesv01 | @myork | @eunbinism | @kpopppy

"What did you do?!" 

Jimin winces at the shout that blares in his ear and pulls his phone away from where it was resting delicately on his cheek. 

"I don't have time for this Yen." He sighs as he steps out of the car, the house before him looming like a bad dream. 

"No, don't you dare hang up on me, Park Jimin. Don't you even think for one second you have room to do that right now." 

Jimin can almost feel it as her voice trembles through the phone, and something about it, the way it seems as though the very fiber in her soul will break, makes Jimin stop. In a way, he knows that he wants to hang up because he knows what Yen will say, and he doesn't want to hear it. He can't stand to hear it because if he does then that would mean this is all the two of them would ever be. That this was all they were meant to be from the first time he ever laid eyes on Jocelynn.  

"You need to fix this, I don't care how, but you need to set things right now." 

And he can't stand that thought.

That all he was meant to do was hurt her. 

"I know." 

"Do you?" And Jimin knows her feeling, the feeling of fear. Maybe not to the same extent, maybe not even to the same understanding, but he knows. 

And he knows why she is so afraid. 

"You forget that she's not like you, she doesn't have the protection you have or the influence. She's in more danger than any of us now." 

Jimin swallows hard at her insinuation, and he doesn't have to tell her for Yen to know that he already knew this danger was looming. Hanging over their heads like an incessant reaper meant only to cause fear and death wherever they may wander. 

If she meant to make him feel guilty, she didn't need to try as hard. After all, a part of him has always felt guilty ever since he first met Jocelynn. After all, he did almost run her over, so it wasn't exactly a clean relationship from the start. It was confusing, messy, and unclear. But he couldn't let go of her, no matter how many times she tried to push him away, how many times he was warned of the consequences. He tried to stay away, he tried to listen to reason, but he couldn't. And that's what makes him feel worse about it all. 

"I trusted you to protect her. Don't make me regret it." 

The fact that this is all his fault. 

And when Yen hangs up, that is the very reason why he finds it so hard to move forward. To knock on that door, and say goodbye to her forever. 

He knew what he had to do to protect her, he knew the risks and he knew what position he was putting her in. He knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, and he knows it was all his fault. 

But even now, with the entire world holding them in scrutiny, he still doesn't want to let her go. He wants to allow himself to be selfish, for just a little while longer. He wants to give in to that blissful fantasy where they could be happy. 

But how long will it take for him to realize that his selfishness will only bring them pain? Indescribable pain that neither of them can escape from no matter how much they may try to hide? He will only continue to hurt her, twist her from the inside out until there is nothing left of the person she once was before. And she will continue to fall deeper and deeper into herself until she has lost sight of what it was she was fighting for, of the reason why she put her very life on the line for an idol who she was too afraid to love. 

The question that one would begin to ask is how much pain does it take before you are completely and utterly broken? Past recognition, reconciliation? How long will it take for the two of them to realize that this endeavor was doomed for failure? A tragic love story made only for the pages of a book, and not crafted to last in our reality. 

Taking a deep breath Jimin pockets his phone before heading up the stairs and knocking on her door. And when she opens it, and he sees the empty look in her eyes, the pale undertones of her skin, he realizes that he has no right to be selfish anymore. That the limit has finally been reached, and he has pushed them too far past their breaking point. 

For if this is what his love has fated them to be, then what was it worth after all? 

Looking around nervously, to make sure no one is watching, Jocelynn isn't sure what she should do.

A part of her wants to turn him away. She's lucky her address wasn't leaked but she knows they're bound to turn up soon, asking her questions begging to know the answers. Answers that she does not know, answers that she is afraid to give reasons to. That very same part blames him, despises him, and almost wants to hate him for what his selfishness has done to her. How it has ruined her, all because she fell in love with him. 

But that's what stops her.

The fact that she does not hate him.

Not even a little bit, not even at all. 

And that's the part of her that waits. That looks at him straight in his eyes, no matter how much she may shake, or how much her will may falter. She forces herself to stand her ground, to show him how hard this is for her. How much she wants to stay, but how much she knows she cannot.  

For once, she lets down her walls. 

"What are you doing here, Jimin?" Perhaps in another life, a life where she was younger, more willing, less heartbroken, she would have fought for them. She would have given in to the risk sooner and allowed herself to fall into the fairy tale without a thought about the consequences. 

But this is not that life, and she is not a young woman anymore. She is battered, broken, and used. She has made her mark, given birth to her children, and watched them forge their paths and pursue their dreams. 

And if she stays, she could ruin her daughter. Tarnish her future. That risk, that amount of sacrifice, isn't worth any happiness she could have had with Jimin. 

Nothing is worth her daughter's pain, nothing. 

"You have to leave, I can't be seen with you." 

But before she can turn away, Jimin places his hand on the door, stopping her. She knows he's trying to fight, she knows that's why he showed up today. He may have tried to tell himself to let go, but the both of them know he would never be the one to say goodbye, he can't find it within himself to do so. 

Jocelynn has to be the one to push him away. 

For good this time. 

"You saw, didn't you?" 

Jocelynn hesitates, before swallowing hard and nodding. She releases the door, staring up at Jimin and trying her best not to cry. Seeing the pictures there, on the screen for just about anyone to see, she knew what was next. The amount of hate they would get, the amount of resentment they would feel. It didn't matter if it was a rumor, or they didn't know who it was, they would do anything within their power to find out who she is. And once they did, they would tear her apart. Her looks, her background, her relatives...

Yen. 

It's scary, you think you're prepared for that, that you know the risk, but you never truly know, not until everything is at the very precipice of breaking. And that is how Jocelynn feels at this moment. As though she is balancing on the edge of a very thin cliff. She wants to get to the other side, but she knows if she keeps going she will fall. 

She doesn't want to fall.

Jimin didn't know what he was expecting, but at her confirmation, it feels as though a deep pit in his stomach grows. He never understood how much resentment he could feel toward the fans he was supposed to love. How much he could hate them, wish they would disappear. Even when they would say hurtful things, and cast him aside as though he was nothing, he did everything for them, for their love. He basked in the glory they made him feel when he was on that stage, cried when they cried, and felt what they felt. In a way, it was the most intimate thing he could have ever experienced, and he loved every minute of it. He never wanted to let any of it go. 

He would watch as the rest of his members would struggle with it. The constant pressure to live up to their expectations, and how they fell apart when they couldn't. He never understood before how much of a burden ARMY could be. 

But now, as he stares into her hollowed-out eyes, notices the dark circles hooding her eyelids. The way she holds herself tightly as though she had been violated, her pursed lips as she tries her best to hold back tears, an almost sickly hue to her cheeks growing with each passing moment...

He finally understands.  

"I'm going to fix it, I promise." He reaches forward, taking her hands within hers and she looks down at them intertwined, the lump in her throat turning violently. "Whatever it takes, I'll make things right again." 

"How?" At the hoarse whisper Jocelynn gives, not even a sentence, but more of a cry for help, Jimin doesn't say anything.

He can see the answer, the solution already forming in her eyes, an answer he still doesn't want to face, no matter how much he tells himself it's right. And he shakes his head, refusing to look into her eyes, refusing to accept her words, refusing to allow this ending. As though putting it into words would make it real, even if it weren't real already. 

"You've known for a while, haven't you?" Jocelynn whispers, smiling bitterly as she watches his finger tightly grip onto her. "That's why you were acting so weird that night. That's why you were trying to say goodbye." 

Jimin stays quiet, and Jocelynn takes a deep breath, the tears coming fast, too fast. His denial makes it worse, makes her want to believe that she's wrong, that there's a better way. A way where the two of them could stay by the other's side, where neither of them would have to get hurt. 

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" 

Maybe that's why she asks the question. Maybe she wants to know if there was anything to lose, if there was anything to hold on to, to prove her wrong after all. Maybe she already knows his answer, maybe she doesn't. Perhaps she's hoping it isn't what she thought. Perhaps she hopes that it would somehow make things easier. 

"Because I love you." 

But it doesn't make things easier. 

Instead, it just makes it harder to let go. 

"We both know the situation then, don't we?" Jocelynn's voice shakes, her entire body does as she says the words. She can no longer hold back her tears, she can no longer allow herself to hold onto him for if she does she knows there is no way she would ever allow herself to let go ever again. 

She knows that once she does she will have lost the love of her life, a chance for her to gain happiness again, the one light she has seen in her darkness for the longest time will leave her. 

But she also knows that she can handle the darkness, it's familiar, and it's safe. What she cannot stand to see is the destruction this would bring him. The destruction that would follow and affect her child. They may tell her it will be fine, that she deserves to be happy, but she knows better. 

No amount of happiness could make up for the pain it would inflict.

And she will not make the same mistake again. 

"You have to leave."

When Jocelynn pulls her hands out of his grip, and he's left with nothing but the cold, he finds that he's not willing to let her go. He wants the risk, he wants the pain, and he wants to face that destruction if it means he would be by her side. And if that means he'll have to be her shield then so be it. If it means he needs to protect her then he'll do so without hesitation. If he has to give up his world to find this happiness that has eluded him for so long, then he would leave everything behind just to walk hand in hand with her for eternity. 

All he needs is for her to give him the chance. 

He just wants a chance to take hold of the dream that is her, so he can hold on, not for a little while, but for the rest of their days. 

"And what about the way I feel? What about the way you feel?!" 

But he is living in a fantasy, and Jocelynn knows how cruel reality is, just as well as she knows he must face it as she has, no matter how much it hurts. 

So when Jocelynn turns to him, it is to show him exactly that, that their fantasy cannot exist in this reality. That she cannot discard what is so painfully true. That he has to let her go, that she wants him to let her go. 

"It has never mattered how I feel."

Her heart is breaking in two, her tears stain her cheeks like newly fallen snow, her eyes filled with the pain of a million falling stars, and yet she still smiles. A broken smile tears apart Jimin's soul and leaves him helplessly alone. 

"My emotions, my choices, they lost meaning as soon as I gave birth to that little girl. As soon as she opened her eyes, my choices were no longer my own. My feelings ceased to matter. Everything from that moment on was for her. Everything I lived for was her happiness. Not mine." 

She's already failed Yen once, scarred her with irreversible pain because she was too afraid to stand up for those she loved. Because she was a coward, her daughter was hurt and broken, she cannot ruin her further. She cannot bring her world crashing down for a second time, she will not. 

"And whatever this is will be linked to her, will sully her name, will make people hate her for something her mother did. A risk she decided to take with an idol who was her daughter's mentor."

Jimin can feel himself falling apart, and when Jocelynn can see the realization start to break through she can feel herself chipping away slowly. Each word, and each tear just slicing through her heart in a brutal cruel display of pain and heartache.

"And I don't know how this will affect her. Or how she'll react when she hears about it. How the world will react when they hear about it, because they will. They already have."

It's a bitter display, the way fate plays you.

"But they won't hate you. They'll never hate you. They'll hate me because I am the person you should have never fallen for."

The two of them are so desperate for love, for the chance to find security in someone else, so afraid to be alone and yet finding themselves solitude even whilst lying in another's bed. And yet, the first time they find that feeling, the first time they are given a chance to pursue their happiness, the world tells them that it is not enough. That they do not deserve it, that they were doomed from the very first time their hearts became intertwined. 

"And because they hate me, they'll hate her too. Even though it is not her fault. Even though she has given everything for their love, they will not care because it would be overshadowed by the fact that I stole you from them."

How hard is it to tear apart something that time itself couldn't have predicted? A love, a bond so strong that runs so true to their veins, that even after every denial, after every obstacle, even as they are saying their goodbyes; refuses to leave? That grows and grows and grows until they know they cannot live without the other, and yet they must find a way to do so. 

Because theirs was a love that was never meant to be. 

"Because you were a love I was never meant to have."

Hearing the words spoken from her lips, watching as she rips their love apart in agonizing strands of suffering, hurts Jimin more than words can describe. He knows this isn't what she wants, he knows she's falling apart, and yet he also knows this is her mercy. This is her sparing him of a worse heartbreak. For if she's the one to let go, he doesn't have to. 

"So, no, Jimin, my feelings do not matter. Which is why it would be pointless to say them now, and which is why this has to end. Whatever it is, it is not worth her pain." And there she goes again, smiling so wretchedly, an abundance of kindness and intangible grief swimming in her gorgeous green eyes. "Nor is it worth yours."

And yet, despite everything she does not regret a second. She is thankful she was able to meet him, thankful he allowed her a chance to experience what happiness could feel like. Even if it was just a fantasy, even if it was never meant to last, she was thankful he came into her life. And if she were to go back, she wouldn't have changed a thing. 

"I'm sorry but I think it's best if you leave." 

And this time, when Jocelynn closes the door, Jimin doesn't stop her. He can't find it within himself to keep her behind, to plead with her to reconsider, because she was right. He knows she was right. 

But he doesn't believe it to be a fantasy, he refuses to think of it as a dream. Because every moment they spent together, each second was real to him. She marked herself on his heart, in a way that she would never leave, no matter how much he may try to erase her. 

For the first time, he knows how it feels to be empty and yet full at the same time. 

For she is still there, ever-present in his heart, and she will never leave. 

And yet, she is not there. And she never will be again. 

He will never hold her hand, or feel the warmth of her skin. He will never hear her laugh, never see her smile, and never again feel the rush of adrenaline each time those eyes rested on his. For she left him behind, and there is no salvaging something that has already been lost. 

His tears turning his mind numb and cold, he presses his forehead against the wood of her front door, as though a part of her could imprint itself on him so that even as she walks away, he could carry her with him always. 

"Why?" he calls out, his tears mangling his voice into a twisted version of torment and woe. "Why did it have to be you?"

chapter 61 here

note :: this chapter emotionally drained me. each time I wrote it I would cry, that's how much it affected me and how much this topic hurts me, especially when i find it so cruel that the world believes idols don't deserve their own happiness.

...and yeah guys the following chapters are worse like way worse so buckle your seatbelts

[whumpsday]

If Jim had gotten ahold of Kane earlier... how would that have gone?

SORRY THIS GOT REALLY LONG i have actually thought about this a lot before and only needed mild encouragement to open the floodgates

so the hunters got kane 5 years after jim's escape and kane took a handful of months to completely break. if jim had gotten kane out at that point, things would have pretty much gone the same exact way as canon, so let's go over some other potential scenarios!

this is an interesting question because there are actually 2 different scenarios "jim getting ahold of kane earlier" could encompass.

under a readmore because it got REALLY LONG.

1: kane is captured by hunters a lot earlier, and jim learns about him soon after his escape.

jim escaped when he was 24, let's say kane was captured by hunters pretty much immediately after and that jim got ahold of him a year later. jim was in a very bad way for a very long time. i'm talking extreme hypervigilance to the point of staying awake for days on end because he's paranoid that kane will show up if he lets his guard down for even a moment. i'm talking he has a lot of health issues and liz has to drag him to doctor's appointments and hold him down to get his blood drawn while he's screaming (which he thanks her for doing hours later once he's lucid enough to realize she's helping him.) and yes i plan to cover some of jim's rocky recovery in future chapters!

in this scenario, jim would not want to go anywhere NEAR kane. unlike 34 year old jim who wants to take revenge initially (before seeing the state kane is in), 25 year old jim would be too utterly terrified. jim would never even LEARN that kane's being tortured, and he would FIRMLY ask the hunters to kill him so he can sleep at night again. the hunters would oblige this request and kane would be killed. kane would be more than fine with this because it's an end to the pain.

2: the opposite! jim is further recovered, but kane is not broken yet.

this is a MUCH more interesting one. so let's say jim learns kane's with the hunters when kane's only been there for a month. kane is definitely not UNBROKEN, but he's also not BROKEN. he's still got the same personality and is kind of still in "i will murder all you humans once i find a way to escape" mode. he doesn't have a death wish. but he is also starving and hurt and terrified. he begs for mercy often, but he still has his pride and it wounds him inside to do so.

if jim rescued THIS kane.... it'd be interesting! kane's pride would be in FUCKING SHAMBLES when he's at the mercy of his human. and at this point he will still think of jim as his human. however, he has absolutely learned by this point to swallow his pride for survival / less pain. he would humbly beg for mercy through gritted teeth. he would swear up and down that if jim lets him go he'll never take another human again. jim would not let him go for the same reason that present-arc jim doesn't: he will never take the risk of what happened to himself happening to another human.

but he still wouldn't be able to bring himself to kill kane, again for the same reasons as canon jim. he cannot kick a man while he's down. he can't bring himself to hurt someone who's begging for mercy, especially because THIS kane would also beg jim not to kill him. this kane wants to live. this kane is also a lot more bold, because he's not fully broken. he will absolutely beg for blood. it would wound kane's pride terribly, but he's so so so hungry that he'd do it. "please jim i'm so hungry, please feed me. i'm so hungry it hurts, please." jim wouldn't be able to bring himself to say no. he has too big a heart. so this kane would get fed a lot faster.

but maybe the thing that changes the dynamic the MOST is that his kane wants OUT. he wants to escape, he wants to go home. and jim is a lot less smart than the hunters and a lot more compassionate. after kane's back at full strength, he would escape. jim tries to get him back into the basement before sunset and kane just tackles him to the ground. jim starts freaking out and kane's like "listen. i just want to go home. i understand that i owe you for getting me out of there and i'm not going to hurt you. after the sun sets i'm gonna leave and you will never see me again." and when darkness falls, that's exactly what happens. kane never takes another human, though jim is sometimes kept up at night by guilt at what if he did? what if there's another human suffering through what i suffered through and it's all my fault because i couldn't bring myself to kill kane? but jim understands. he wanted to go home too after all, he knows what it's like to want to escape.

god this second scenario is actually so interesting to me i might write an au for it. putting it on the list though it's not a priority rn

[mandoalorian]

Brown Eyes [Din Djarin x Reader]

!! SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 15, SEASON 2. !!

*Hi. The episode has been out for three hours. The devil works hard but I work harder. I hope you enjoy! xx*

Summary: Din has always wanted to confess his love to you— but with his devotion to the Creed and with the risk of losing you, he wonders if the revelation would really be worth it. Would you even consider being with him if he refused to remove his helmet? When Grogu is taken away from Din and in the fiendish hands of Moff Gideon, Din realises there isn't anything he won't do to get his son back.

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: descriptions of anxiety, *SPOILERS FOR Season 2 Episode 15: The Believer of The Mandalorian*

Word count: 2.6k

Permanent taglist - let me know if you want to be added: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos

Masterlist

gif credit: @siennablake

"Din," you froze up, backing away from the Imperial who was sitting at a table drinking caf. "I- I can't do it."

Din's head snapped to face you, masked by the Imperial Shocktrooper helmet he was doting. "Why not?" His voice was firm, but the tone of his question dripped with concern. You bawled your fingers into a fist as you squeezed your eyes tight shut, beginning to anxiously pace around in circles.

"That's Valen Hess," you muttered, trying your hardest to regulate your nervous breathing. "He- I used to serve under him. I- can't… go in there. Din, he'll recognise me." the thoughts in your head were jumbled. Din placed two hands steady on your shoulders.

"I'll go, hand me the dataspike." Din told you calmly. You felt like putty under his touch. Usually, his firm grip would calm you down and ease any of your troubles away— but not this time. You felt completely nauseated.

Grogu was at stake. When you met the Mandalorian, it took him some time to find the confidence in introducing you to the child. You were Ex-Imperial after all. But he warmed up to you, seeing the way you cared so deeply for the children on Sorgan. When he introduced you to the little green bean, who did not yet have a name, you were enamoured. That's when Din knew he was in love with you. Ever since that day, he'd only fallen in love with you more and more. His feelings became stronger with every waking second he spent with you.

Of course, he never acted on his feelings. He wished he had, he wished he could say something. He knew that if something happened to you and you didn't know how he truly felt, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. There had been countless times where you and him brushed paths on the Razor Crest. Plenty of times to say something, plenty of times to mutter the three words that had consumed his mind, body and soul. ‘I love you’. The words were like a broken record in the back of his mind. He looked at you through his visor, seeing your distress and his heart aching and he wanted— no, he had to do something.

His son had been kidnapped and suddenly, Din was an unstoppable force. Nothing could hold him back— not his friends, not the Creed, nothing. The regret ate him up like flies on a corpse. If there was one thing he learned from Grogu's disappearance, is that you never know what is coming around the corner. Din began to treat everyday with you like it was your last because there was no way of telling what the future was holding. And that only stirred him on, the desire of telling you how much you meant to him.

"You can't go," you removed your finger from your lips where you had been anxiously biting your nails. "The security system is biometric facial recognition. There must be another way." you tried to rack your brain for a solution, but Din's mind was already made up.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes in search for an answer. You steadied your breathing. "Din," you whispered. "What if we distract them? You go in there and speak to him so he's looking the other way and I'll use that moment to sneak past and access the terminal."

No answer. "Din?" you asked, cautiously opening your eyes. He was already gone. Your mouth began to open and close like a goldfish as you watched his approach the terminal. He paused, midway between two tables, shakily saluting Valen Hess. Din turned back to the terminal, held his head up high and carried on over to it.

Upon examining it, Din found it was no different to any other information point— whether it had been New Republic or Independent, Din was lucky enough to already know how to navigate the system. He clicked a few buttons on the keypad, bringing up the facial recognition scanner. He stood still, letting it roam down his face. He didn't have much faith, but it was worth a shot.

Din cursed under his breath as the scanner light lit up red, beeping ecstatically.

"Error. Error. Facial scanning incomplete. Ten seconds until system shutdown." An automated voice informed. Din felt a few gazes burn into his back, no doubt Valen Hess noticing the commotion. "Ten, nine, eight-"

You watched as the timer went down, your hand fingers curling around the blaster in your holster. You didn't know what Din was going to, but you knew if anything— he was a man with a plan.

And that was when he removed his helmet.

It hit you like a ton of bricks, it took the air from your lungs leaving you gasping in silence. You felt like a criminal, looking at him with your own eyes. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't tear the gaze from the back of his head.

Brown hair. Dark brown hair, slightly messy from the helmet. Although you were some distance away, you noticed the little waves and the way it curled at the nape of his neck. The cut of the Imperial armour revealed just a sliver of his skin. It was golden tan— surprising to you.

"Facial scanning complete." The dataspike ejected from the terminal, a small light lit up in green, validating that the information had been processed and Din was now the owner of Moff Gideon’s co-ordinates. Just as he was about to put his helmet back on, a voice interrupted him.

Your heart sank when you saw that Valen Hess had approached Din.

"Trooper, where are you stationed?"

"Transportation."

"What?"

"My designation is transport— co-pilot."

"No son, what's your TK number?"

Din felt his throat dry up as he looked the man in the eyes. Valen Hess stared at Din right back, looking into the eyes that nobody had gazed into since Din had been sworn to the Creed. Din swallowed the lump in his throat, only for it to return immediately.

"He's with me." you announced, walking over to Din and Hess. A wash of relief shuttled through Din's body upon hearing your voice, but that was completely blown away when he realised you had seen him. It was true, you had seen his face— but there was no time to act up. Din had sacrificed everything for Grogu and you weren't going to let this go wrong. "This is my trooper, sir."

"Who is he and what's his TK number?" Valen Hess repeated, clicking his tongue between his teeth.

"This is my commanding officer TK-0402, and I'm TK-0322. I'm afraid he doesn't speak much. Ever since his vessel lost pressure on Tanaab." You explained with confidence, sighing apologetically and placing a hand on your hip.

Din found the courage to look at you, making brief yet bewildered glances between you and Valen Hess. He had a thousand questions but he knew he could trust you, and so, he smiled wearily, nodding his head in agreement to your little story.

"What's his name?" Hess inquired.

You took a deep breath, and turned to face Din. He looked at you too, his face softening as your eyes met for the very first time. You felt your heart rate slow down as you took in his appearance. You were nervous, and tensions were high, but as you looked into the Mandalorian's sparkling eyes, you felt a familiar sense of belonging. You felt complete.

"Brown eyes." you whispered, feeling the tears pool up as you tried to choke back a sob. Din smiled at you, just a small smile, but enough to make the corners of his eyes crinkle. It gave you the reassurance to know that this was all worth it.

"Well, brown eyes," Valen Hess adjusted his belt. "You troopers were both on the transport that brought in the valium, correct? The only surviving shocktroopers, might I add." he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah, that was us." You answered hesitantly.

"Please, come join me for drinks. We must celebrate." Hess said, approaching the table he was originally sat at and ushering you over with an exaggerated gesture.

You and Din exchanged a look before walking over to the table and sinking down into the chair. Hess poured out two cups of caf and slid them over. Din stayed silent for most of the conversation, briefly making utterances of affirmation and nodding his head to suggest that he was indeed listening.

Although, he wasn't listening really. His mind was racing and he couldn't concentrate on anything. Although it wasn't necessarily true, he felt like every head in the room was looking at him. Staring at him. Judging him breaking his oath. Was he a failure? Was he a disgrace to the Creed? Dishonourable? A monster?

"I could blather on 'to health' or 'to success', but… tell me TK-0322, where do you come from?"

"Alderaan." you said without hesitation. Din looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, wondering why exactly you had given Hess the details of your real planet.

"Ah, I see…" Hess frowned. "Well, to Alderaan!" he grinned, raising his glass in the air.

"No." you deadpanned and Hess shot you a confused look.

"No?"

"No." you repeated. "Alderaan was a peaceful planet destroyed by the Empire."

"And those on the Death Star, those who aided in the destruction of Alderaan became heroes of the Empire. I was there." he said with pride.

Din watched your face harden as your cheeks burned up with rage. "Heroes?" you croaked out. "For attacking and murdering innocents? Hundreds of thousands of people died on Alderaan. I lost my family."

"Losing the ones we love is simply part of life," Hess revealed with a sigh— and Din felt his heart shatter at his words. He stiffened up, his gaze fixating on the concrete wall as his surroundings began to faze out.

"At what cost?" you whispered. "You know, every day I think about it. I wished there was something I could do to stop it. But no, I was here, fighting for the Empire. While the Empire was out killing my people." You gritted out as tears pricked your eyes. You felt Dins hand manouver under the table and take place on your thigh, as his gloved fingers rubbed comforting circles into the thin material that covered your skin. His hand was large, fitting around your leg perfectly. He held you down, stopping your anxious shaking and you immediately calmed down. Din wasn't going to stop you, but he did want you to not let your feelings intrude on what was really happening right now. Valen Hess, however, looked mortified. You picked up the glass and forced a smile. Din copied your movement and you clinked your glass with his. "To family." you toast, and Din smiles. He smiles so wide a dimple appears in his cheek.

"To family." he confirms, thinking about his son and how close he was to getting him back.

You put the glass of caf back down on the table and quickdrew your blaster, shooting Valen Hess in the chest.

Din knew better than to question you. He took out his own pistol and helped you take down the remaining troopers and Imps in the room before you both raced out of the base.

Of course, you knew that there'd be commotion. You heard the TIE fighter engines as soon as you stepped foot outside. Din grabbed your hand, pulling you along as you both sprinted into the depths of the forest. Once deep enough, you looked up. It was dark, strings of light beaming through the gaps in the trees. But it was enough to illuminate Din. You had envisioned what Din looked like beneath his beskar helmet every single day, and now, you had your answer.

Din took one look at you. He pulled off his leather gloves, dropping them to the ground and placed his hand on your cheek. Subconsciously, you leaned into the warmth of his palm as his fingers tucked the strands of hair behind your ear. You closed your eyes, humming in delight as his bodily warmth transferred to you.

"Din, when we return to the ship you can put your helmet back on. I never saw you." you promised, your voice barely above a whisper and your eyes remaining closed.

"Cyare," Din mumbled, his heart yearning. The pad of his thumb traced your face, following the height of your cheek bones and the arch of your eyebrows and down your nose. "Open your eyes." he requested. Cautiously, you obeyed, your eyes fluttering open as you drunk in his appearance once more.

Brown stubble with a patch of grey graced the lower portion of his face. You reached out, this time your own hand cupping his cheek. Din didn't let go of you, and he let you touch him. Your finger nervously brushed over the coarse hairs and you let out a small giggle as you remembered him telling you from the Fresher room on the Razor Crest that he was going to shave. He had, and now you could see for yourself that it had started growing back.

"Do… do you like what you see?" Din asked nervously, his gaze only temporarily lifting from yours.

You nodded your head. "I do," you admitted. "You're… so handsome."

Din felt his cheeks heat up as you watched the small blush creep upon his face. You were enthralled, seeing him like this. Seeing his humanity— his emotions and expressions. You knew you loved Din, with or without the helmet— but this confirmed everything.

"May I?" Din asked, leaning into you slowly and closing his eyes. The curve of his nose bumped against yours as and the softness of his lips touched you so delicately.

You mumbled a small 'yes' and as your lips parted, Din kissed you. Soft, sweet, but passionate and with heart. You tangled your hands in his hair, tugging at it and encouraging Din to kiss you deeper and further. He done so, willingly, a groan of pleasure escaping his mouth and vibrating through your body.

He pulled away eventually, breathless and his eyes dark and glazed. "I-I…" he was speechless, looking at you with the utmost adoration. "I love you." He sighed in defeat, knowing now was a better time than any to admit his true feelings. He had to do it one day, and it just so happened to be in the depths of a forest as you hid from Imperials.

"I love you too." you exhaled shakily, thrusting forward into his arms and letting him hold you tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss into your hair.

"I love you so much." Din sobbed, his grip around you tightening like he was afraid that if he let go, you'd vanish just like Grogu did. "Please, never leave me. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere Din," you promised. "Now c’mon, let's go get Grogu."

PART TWO

[itscominghome]

𝐈𝐧 𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡

Requested by: @masterclassbaby

Summary: You and Mason have been living together throughout the whole of the pandemic and it's started to calm down now. But when you test positive for Covid-19, Mason doesn't care if he gets sick too, he just wants to look after you.

Notes: Requests are open for players currently on my Football Masterlist so ask away xx

The cough that I let out racked through my body, hacking and merciless. Since I'd woken up this morning, I'd been feeling like absolute shit. A cough would rip through me every few minutes, my throat felt like it was being scratched out by a cat's claws, my sense of taste and smell? Non-existent. I'd tested positive for coronavirus a few days before my symptoms had begun to show and Mason and I had immediately made the decision to sleep in different rooms, just in case I passed it onto him. I knew what effects it would have on his career if he got seriously unwell and I wasn't letting him risk everything he'd worked towards, no matter how hard it was to sleep in a bed without him next to me. It was weird not waking up to forehead kisses and cuddles and weird not being able to kiss him goodbye as he left for training. Because of all the vaccinations and the progression made on slowing the spread of the virus, Mason wasn't made to self-isolate with me. I'd make him do lateral flow tests every morning just to check, making sure his teammates were all kept covid-free too.

I thought I was going to get through my isolation without actually getting sick, possibly just being a carrier. But the way I felt this morning didn't make me feel very hopeful about that. Or hopeful at all. When I'd managed to get myself out of bed, I noticed Mason had already left for work. I struggled to walk, making my way down the stairs suddenly felt like a great feat. By the time I'd crashed back onto my bed, I couldn't lift my head back off my pillow and my eyes could barely open. My body just felt so tired.

A couple of hours later, I hear the door open and Mason shouts up to me.

"Baby?" I don't even have the energy to shout back to him, my throat in too much agony. I hear a rush of feet hurry up the stairs and my door creaks open. His face drops, I'm clearly not looking my best whilst huddled up in all the blankets I could find, and my duvet.

"Oh, baby..." he says making his way over to me.

"Mase, don't, you'll get sick too," I say as he places his hand on the top of my head. He flips his hand over and feels the heat of my cheeks, still fussing over me.

"Mase, seriously, I don't want you catching anything," I croak out. He shakes his head.

"I don't care, I'll just stay at home too, then we can look after each other," he says before rushing downstairs. I watch his figure leave the room, a confused look on my face, but it's not long before he's back. He turns the light on, my eyes not liking it in the slightest and causing me to wince slightly in pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry, love," he apologises before sitting down next to me on the bed, an assortment of medicines being dumped next to him.

"I'm going to need you to sit up for me." My attempt is futile and Mason has to help pull me up so that my back is against the headboard.

"Look, I know you hate this stuff," Mason begins, holding up a bottle of Covonia cough medicine, provoking a groan, "but it should stop that nasty cough you have. And I've got some Vaporub for your blocked nose, Strepsils for your throat and some Ibuprofen." I smile weakly, it's cute how his protective instinct kicks in, even when it's a sickness, he's always been that way. I really don't want to accept his help though, knowing what close contact could mean for him.

"Mase, I know you're trying to help, bu-"

"No buts,"

"What a shame," I say playfully, trying the best I can to be light-hearted, "but seriously Mase, if you get sick, it could have lasting health effects for you. And who knows what that would mean for your career. You'd have to work so hard to get your fitness back to where it is right now, you wouldn't be able to start matches for weeks. You've worked so hard to get to where you are today, I'm not letting you jeopardise it because I'm a little bit unwell,"

"Well, it's a good thing it's my choice, you don't have to let me. I'm going to look after you. In sickness and in health and all that," I roll my eyes at his perseverance.

"So, are you going to let me help?" he asks, pouring a 5ml spoonful of the cough medicine. I nod weakly, knowing there's no way I could ever win this argument. I open my mouth, ready for the foul-tasting liquid. I quickly swallow it, my loss of taste meaning that the flavour was a little milder. He follows straight up with a second spoonful, getting it over and done with. He follows with an Ibuprofen tablet and a glass of water, then a Strepsil, the flavour lost on my tongue. And finally, he finishes with the Vaporub, carefully rubbing it into the skin on my chest.

"Thank you," I rasp. He sits with me until I've finished my Strepsil and then helps me to lay down. He presses a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I'll bring you a bottle of ice water in a minute and then I'll leave you to rest for a bit," he says, cupping my cheek as I lean into his touch.

"I love you," I whisper, barely audible.

"I love you too, baby," he says, making his exit.

A few hours later, I woke up to Mason's sleeping form clinging to me. His chin lay atop my head, an arm wrapped tightly around my waist and my legs locked in place by his.

"You better not complain, if you get sick," I groan, but secretly loving that I was back in the arms of my boyfriend.

"I won't,"

"I can't believe you got me sick!" Mason complains a few days later, as I give him his very own spoonful of that god-awful cough medicine.

"You said you wouldn't complainnnn," I say in a sing-song voice.

[galos-writing]

ayo I don't know who needed this but I talked more with @emperor-commodus and this is what happened (I will restart with the last two texts of the last post)

This will be a long ass post

I also do it to keep this account active, I just have to finish the exams session and I will work on the requests I swear😭😭😭

me: *blushed a bit but doesn't stop looking at him in defy* Aww, how cute from you trying to scare me. Go ahead, what you want to do? Strangle me? Stab me? Make my head or my hands chopped? Throw me in a cage of lions? *seized his chin in return* You wouldn't do any of these things.

him: *He clenched his jaw* There are other effective ways if punishment. More subtle.* he insinuated and moved his head away Don't. Touch.Me* he had to admit you had character which reminded of his sister but stronger.*

me: Then what? You can't touch me nor give me the death penalty. I have the provocatio ad populum to protect me, your people won't let you kill me. And the sacrosanctitas protects my person from physical damage from a noble. *grinning*

him: *he details you, damnit of course an aduocatus would know such thing* You are lucky to know these. May I invite you for a drink then? since you seem so interested in annoying me... *he details you* midget.

me: *raises eyebrows* Very funny, Commodus. *scoffs, and crosses arms over proudly puffed chest* Okay, it would be an honor for me to have a drink with you until you don't poison my glass. *grins*

him: *he grins back* How horrible of you to think I would poison you! YOu intrigue me...let's talk.* he offered, gesturing for slaves to bring something to drink.

me: What a change of scenario, the annoying mosquito who was teasing the grumpy Caesar now intrigues him... *chuckles, and approaches a bit, detailing him* Told You that you like to be a flustered mess.

him: Now don't push my patience. *he groans and goes to sit on his sofa, inviting you to sit in front of him, he slave serving him a cup of wine.* Let's have a talk.

me: *sits in front of him, crossing legs and smiling* Sure Ceasar, it would be a pleasure. *coos, admiring him drinking wine* Aside teasing, I really appreciate what you do for your civitas, a perfect job. *compliments him, also to see his reaction to praises*

him: *he looks at you with interest, calming down and swallowing down his wine* YOu appreciate it? What else? *he asks, loving to hear praises about his work.*

me: Aside being very cute when flustered, you're also a responsible governor, caring for the economy and the health of the roman people. And I love it. *smiles, briefly teasing him again, but happy that he wasn't a tyranny like the senate described him*

him: *He releases a smile, enjoying your praises* I do. Why should I tax more the citizens when the Senators who hold fortunes could pay more? Being a Senator is working, living and breathing for the Empire. They tend to forget it.* he scoffs, truly disliking the Senate.*

me: And you're right. Maybe they just would like equality with the outer citizens, but I won't judge your way of working, Commodus. *grins, wanting to tease him again by calling him by his name*

him: *He licked his lips nervously as you called him by his name*Either you are crazy or you are looking for trouble...only my family and spouse could call me as such.

me: *looks around* ...I don't see any espouse, my dear. *innocently looks at him and smiles, crossing legs*

him: *He arched an eyebrow* Perhaps this spot has to be filled. By someone of character, who doesn't fear my anger.

me: Well, tell me when you will find the crazy one who will accept this role. *grins and gets up, bowing at him. Your Majesty. *says in a mocking way*

him: *He clenched his jaw* I didn't grant you to leave. In think i wish to keep you here.* he grins

me: Ar you sure that I want to leave? Mh, bunny? *asks with a big grin, approaching him, fuck, it was a big risk and fear was starting to grow but it was so fun to see him flustered and raging

him: *How much their provocation was annoying him, he hated to be out of control and yet he got more fascinated by you. He quickly got and seized your throat, pinning you against the wall.* Getting a bit too brave.

me: You think so? I say that you don't realize how funny it is to provoke you. *giggles, tracing his jawline with a finger* Go on, kill me, I got nothing to lose.

him: *His face was red, how infuriating you were* Well I don't find it funny. I would prefer something else.* his voice almost sounded as if he was pouting, like a boy trying to play tough ones.

me: *laughs* Oh yeah? Like what, big boy? *purrs, wrapping arms around his neck with a satisfied grin, how satisfying it was to see him so weak*

him: *Your arms around his neck gave him goosebump, and made him let go of your throat, his eyes detailing your face, lingering on your lips* Something a lot more pleasurable, for the both of us...* he breathed

me: *giggles, lightly blushing* That sounds fun, if you weren't a virgin. *lies, just to see his reaction*

him: *He heavily blushed* I am not a virgin! And-and even I were, I am Caesar and it would please you!* he protested and looks at you* Aren't you a virgin as well?

For now it's over :)

[justoneday-namjoonii]

It burns, doesn't it? [pt. 11]

Genre/au: Mafia!au, Mature, Fluff, Angst. Violence and all that good mafia stuff. Warning: Depictions of graphic torture and brief/mentioned sexual assault. This story contains graphic imagery, mental health problems, mature subject matter, improper drug usage, suggestive language, self-medication, crude/unnerving behavior, toxic coping, intensity, bloodshed. If you’re easily triggered, please proceed with caution or don’t proceed.

Members: Jungkook x Yoongi x Namjoon x Jin x Hoseok x Jimin x Taehyung  Feat. Got7

Summary: Why am I hurting alone? Why am I in love alone?

authors note: ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ means flashback ....nd omg it’s finally out. Im trying to try new gifs for characters highlighted chapters...

| Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | P. 12 | Pt. 13 | Pt. 14 | Pt. 15 |

The moment when you realizes that things will never be the same is bittersweet. As children we rely on the things around us to remain the way they are, young minds don't quite understand the concept of change yet we're impulsive and oblivious to cause and effect. it’s human instinct to crave structure and stability, even if it's through an illusion, even if it's merely a reality we create for ourselves. The discovery of what's perceived as happiness, joy, kindness, trust, and love are vague descriptions of our innermost feelings, those emotions are essential to growth. But for some, their lives are pages from a book torn up and discarded like trash, they feel emotions in a brutal way. Pain, jealousy, anger, sadness, envy, greed—it gets shoved into them with no warning or preparation. Suffocating them until it becomes a desperate means of solitude. The loneliness can be too much to bare and turning to materialistic comfort is a common response. As sad as it may be, cigarettes can be that comfort for some. You get an exhilarating sense of relaxation when you exhale, knowing it’s bad—when you hold it in your lungs, forcing your body to take something so foreign, it's feigning self-control. Through a tiny white stick he controls his pain and pleasure, through it he found solitude; it was more bitter than sweet.

Everything happened so fast. 

He didn’t know what he was going to do from here, it doesn’t help that he hasn't had a blink of sleep. A cigarette sat in the ashtray and he left his quarters to check on his men. Some of them were patching up the wounded, they even lost a few men, so the faint sound of weeping was heard at every other corner. How a man could look upon the friends of the people he let die wasn’t a natural talent, this type of inhumanity had to be created. Those people just happened to be casualties, you win some, you lose some. 

People die under you, that’s one of the high prices you have to pay as the boss.

But the truth is, they signed up for this—if it's for the boss, you risk it all or not at all. They knew that when they joined.

Hoseok went AWOL last night, he came back early this morning but that was only to freshen up so he could go out again. He had speculations on Hoseok’s stance in all of this. Hell, he has speculations about his own stance on the situation. Jin’s response to all of this was the most surprising, he was so levelheaded and prepared as if he orchestrated the whole thing.

Jin had always been sneaky, not completely honest, always hiding some tiny detail. It's not like he grew up surrounded by people he trusted, but Jin, he didn’t trust anyone. In order to survive, he had to keep his guard up. Jin managed to come in and set his own rules into play.

And Jin was always on his own time. Like now for instance, not even five minutes ago he was called into Yoongi’s office and he has yet to come. The boys sent to bring Jin comes back empty handed.

“Boss, I’m sorry, he said he'll be here soon.” He swallowed, Yoongi’s stare is far too threatening to keep contact with.

He has the audacity to make me wait, unbelievable. This whole organization is on Yoongi’s back. Yet here he is, waiting on Jin like a little kid. When the dust settles, Yoongi has to have an answer to everything, he has to know everything—he doesn’t sleep soundly, not with the weight of this responsibility. He has to stay composed though, and that is an overwhelming responsibility at times, more than the boys would know.

“I want him in here, now,” He was stern, eyeing the kid at the door.

“O-okay sir.” 

Like a puppy off to fetch a tennis ball, he ran off.

Yoongi grabbed the pack of cigarettes, his pale fingers pulling at the pack to slip out one of the white sticks. He didn't rush, he secured it between his lips and held up to the white lighter. When it caught flame, he took a deep breath and exhaled, this was his third one today.

Jin finally stepped into the room, a look of impatience on his face.

Yoongi inhaled, taking another puff of the cigarette before saying anything. 

“You had a whole fucking operation going on, and this is how I find out? How long has this been going on Seokjin? How long were you planning to leave me in the dark about this?”

“Listen,” Jin simply shrugged. “I didn't make a decision you wouldn’t have made. You should be thankful that it worked out. Namjoon is on his knees, Jaebums people are in hiding and I have my sister. You know how these things go,” He ran his hand through his auburn look, giving Yoongi a knowing look.

“No, how are they? please, enlighten me.” 

“If I wouldn't have done what I did she'd probably be dead right now! You don't understand Yoongi...He won’t stop, ever...He'll keep trying to go after me and now her, and to be honest it's partly your fault.” He sneered, not really caring if that pissed Yoongi off, it was true.

“My fault? So I'm supposed to be your fucking savior or some shit? Hell, I didn't know she existed until Hoseok and Jimin brought her ass here. But even then, that girl is not the problem, you are.” Yoongi grumbled, already fiddling with his favorite dagger to ease his stress—it wasn’t working.

“Why are you doing this? Honestly, just give me one good reason why because I just don’t get it.”

“Do you not understand the concept of doing a bad thing for a good reason?” Jin was sort of tickled, amused at his robin hood philosophy.

“Yeah, I do. But it’s you who doesn’t seem to remember your place here. I made this group, from the ground up. I've carried it on my back since I was 18. I call the shots. Not because one day I thought, ‘oh you know what, I think I'll be the leader today.’ No. Because I earned it, I earned the right to say what goes, not you.” He was pretty irritated already and one wrong move would set him off. Bug Jin was just waiting for Yoongi to be finished so he could get out of here. In his eyes, Yoongi’s just blowing hot air, this was nothing he hasn’t heard already.

“I really don't know why you felt the need to interfere, I had it under control. He wouldn't have killed her, I knew that. I knew it the whole time, Kim Namjoon is still dramatic, he'd put her through hell before you have to mourn her death.”

“I wasn't gonna wait around for that to happen, I couldn’t waste any more time. Admit it, she was second priority to you, but not me. He had my sister Yoongi, she’s not just some girl, she’s my flesh and blood and he knew that the moment he decided to keep her there.” That very sentence appalled him, his stomach twisting in disgust at the thought. 

“He’s a weed—he’s cancerous, he needs to be cut out. And you can't cut without causing a few abrasions.” Jin was serious, Yoongi knew all of those things to be partly true, but Namjoon used to be his best friend. Even now, Namjoon was almost the same, nobody really changed significantly. Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, they were all just like he remembered. Just more...broken. They can’t stand each other now. The feeling of hatred was more than mutual, friendship was a distant memory between the two groups that once worked harmoniously. “If it was your mother, you would've done the same thing, maybe even worse.”

Yoongi gave him the dirtiest look, he knew not to bring her up, Jin was the only exception right now. 

“My mother has nothing to do with this. People were killed, on both sides. Two explosions in two highly populated territories, we didn’t go unnoticed,” Yoongi kept his anger at bay, the cigarettes were working this time. He would never say it aloud but knowing Jin could execute a plan that was so complex and to do it without his knowledge, made him feel disrespected. 

“We’re lucky the police aren’t on our backs because of the relationship we have with the chief. Most arrests regarding our men, he let's slide and I'd like to keep it that way.” 

Yoongi tapped the cigarette in the ashtray, a smirk coming to his lips, Jin wasn't sure what he was thinking. “Seo will want more answers. He will start calling eventually, but I'm gonna tell him to take it up with you. You’re responsible for this mess anyway.”

“You’ve never been the type to back down Yoongi, don’t tell me you’re...scared?” Jin laughed, he literally thought that the mere thought was funny. To see Yoongi, the man with a never-changing expression, afraid of something? That was impossible. By the dark look in Yoongi’s eyes, he realized now was no time to tease him. 

He gasped. Before he knew it Yoongi was around the table and pressing a knife against his neck, an intense look on his face. Jin swallowed with some difficulty. “Y-yoongi.”

Min Yoongi wasn't as still as ice, not all the time. There are a few things you better not say or you will regret it the moment you open your mouth.

“Let's get one thing fucking straight, I don't have a scared bone in my body, not one. I don't fear anyone, not you, not Namjoon, not even my own maniac of a father.” Yoongi scoffed retracting the knife as Jin was almost at a loss for words. 

He scoffed. “You have some nerve. I suggest you drop this high and mighty attitude before this knife goes through your fucking neck.” He sneered.

He sighed, straightening up his freshly pressed suit. The visual image of what Yoongi threatened had him touching his neck subconsciously and cringing at the thought. 

He exhaled heavily. “Yoongi, you're stressed, I understand that really I do. But just think about it, think about this group, think about the people involved...This is the game Yoongi, no one plays by the rules, you know that better than anyone.” He really did know that better than anyone—almost too well. Yoongi just stared at him, a stoic expression plastered on his face as Jin slowly exited the room.

Food had never looked so appalling before. Just an hour ago some girl brought you breakfast. She told you to eat it all because ‘Jin said so’. You let the food sit there, now it's cold and inedible. That same girl came back to get the dishes, you didn't want to see her face anymore, you were beginning to despise her persistence.

This bed isn't that much bigger than the one in my bedroom at home, so why does it feel so big? So empty and cold. Jungkook held you so close, the thought of discomfort as you slept had become an unfamiliar thing to you. He was so fragile, despite his exterior he was just as helpless as you. But even so, be tried to keep you from anyone who frightened you, in fear that you'd get hurt, and have to bear those scars for the entirety of your life. You fell in love with someone you never would’ve dreamed of associating with—now he's gone and you’re empty again.

You heard a small knock at the door. Before you could answer Jimin was walking in with a cup and some bottles of medicine. “Good morning.” 

He sat the water on the nightstand along with the pills—he was only here to drug you up, you thought. He hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed as you scooted closer to the headboard, afraid to sit too close to him now. 

“Y/n, it's still the same me, you know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.” The way he looked at you was different, he looked at you as if you were something small—had he always looked at you like that? You never noticed it before. 

“Don’t you?...”

Why was he even asking you that? You aren’t sure about anyone anymore. You can’t trust your own brother, what made Jimin any different? He is just as capable of flipping the switch as anyone else.

“I barely even know you, I put my trust in you, for some reason...” You chewed at your cheek, looking out the window. “Unless you’re here to take me to Jungkook or apologize for being apart of this mess, just go,”

That’s what she’s upset about.

“Y/n, you’re supposed to take this before noon, and you have to eat with it.” He explained, noticing how tired your eyes were—you needed to eat something to keep your energy up. 

“Baby,” There’s that nickname again, “I know you're upset and I’m sorry, but don't star yourself out of spite. You listen to Jungkook, right? Jungkook would want you to eat, I know he would, wouldn’t he?” He convicted you with a guilt-tripping look and you rolled your eyes, that sort of convinced you. That, and you were admittedly hungry.

“Come on, I’ll take you to the kitchen and sit with you until you eat.” You followed him with weak steps and you knew you should've eaten earlier—now you have no other choice but to eat with supervision.

You looked around, realizing you were in a completely different environment. Long gone were the industrial looking rooms and spaces, you were at the first place this all started. Jimin had already made food for you and put it in the microwave to stay warm. He opened it up and sat it at the bar, leading you to the stool to sit beside him.

It was a decent meal. You ate it silently as Jimin sat there with a curious look on his face. You tried to ignore it, Jungkook had a habit of just staring at you so it wasn't anything new. Suddenly Jimin reached for the nape of your neck, causing you to jerk back in surprise.

“What’re you doing?- And why are you staring at me?...” You stared at him, seeing he regretted not asking before trying to touch you. “Please stop...”

“Sorry, I should've just asked. What happened to your neck? It’s bruised pretty bad...” He had his suspicions. Were those scars from Namjoon or Tae, he figured you've endured quite a few physical ailments. “Did they really hurt you that much?” He had a genuinely worried expression.

Your hand went to where he was referring to and you knew those weren't burns, choke marks and neither were they rashes. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment, those marks were Jungkooks doing. They would have normally faded by now but the morning of the accident he got a little carried away with his affection. You really wished you had some makeup or something to cover them up. “Um, it’s not that...” 

When you neglected to give an elaborate reply he took the cues from your facial expression and connected the dots. He cleared his throat for asking the obvious question, of course, if you were in a relationship with Jungkook he would make sure everyone knew. He's always been like that.

“Oh- oh..I um, I didn't mean to...” He trailed off, seeing you were done with your food and trying to end the awkward conversation. “Wait, I have to take you downstairs, Yoongi wants to talk with you.” Jimin grabbed your hand, leading you away from the kitchen. You were shaking your head, insisting that you didn't want to go but he kept soothing you, telling you it was okay.

“What?- Jimin, no, I don't want to, please, I just want to go back to my r-” Jimin shook his head, guilt in his eyes for having to leave you—again.

“Just sit here, it's okay. He'll be here in a minute.” Jimin pet your head in pity, leaving you in this unfamiliar room by yourself. At first, you just waited patiently, but your stomach dropped when you heard the door behind you open. You didn't look back, the man's footsteps were heavy, slow and you couldn't even look up without your heart racing, you were so nervous. After a few seconds, you gathered the courage to look up. Jin was standing beside the desk in front of you.

“Jin?... What're you-”

“Yoongi wants to discuss some things with you, you just have to answer his questions and then you can go, alright? This won’t be long.” He gave you reassuring eyes before your attention was stolen by the man with sugar white skin.

Yoongi. 

The man who damned you to hell. 

He walked around the desk, sitting in the chair behind the desk and his presence was so powerful it made your body shake to look at him for too long. You wouldn't know it but he was monitoring your every move, as he opened the pack of cigarettes, placing one in between his fingers but not lighting it.

“How many fingers am I holding up.” He held up three of his slender fingers.

“W-what?-”

“Answer the question. How many?”

“Um-...three.” This was unexpected and odd, why would he ask this? Even Jin was taken aback. “Why?”

He sort of glanced halfheartedly at you, his brows furrowing at your counter question that he wasn’t going to answer. 

“I need you to tell me everything that happened, start from the moment they took you inside.” That was the first sensible thing he said, not bothering to hassle himself with beating around the bush. You looked at Jin for reassurance and he nodded, giving you the okay to start talking.

“They put me in a bedroom…I fell asleep after a few hours and when I woke up, Jungkook was there. At first I thought he was there to hurt me so I tried to shoot him... that’s how we met.” You spoke softly, knowing good and well that you had never shot a gun before.

“And after that, he let you stay with him?” He furrowed his brows, seeing you were chewing on your lips nervously, anxiously. It wasn't surprising to him, he already knew Jungkook had taken a liking to you, he just didn't know to what extent. 

“He did, it wasn’t bad at first, we actually got along...But one day, we got into a fight. That night, I decided to escape, I ran away the following morning...” You cleared your throat, Jin was listening intently now.

“It was late, I’m not sure what time, but I stopped at a cafe to eat, Jimin found me, he told me that he couldn't help me until you gave the word...He left and for a few hours I just aimlessly walked around the city but-...” You pause, “That's when Namjoon found me.”

The memory itself was terrifying. It was like the devil himself drug you down to his little hell, and you had no choice in the matter.

“I know he punished you in some sick way, he gave you to Taehyung,” Yoongi knew that as a fact. If Namjoon wanted to punish you in any way he would find the sickest way to do so. Your head hung low in confirmation, tears threatened to leave your eyes and you didn't even know why—why can’t you go one minute without crying over this? Jin noticed, he was already pissed that Jimin saw you and didn't say anything, but now he has to hear about your punishment. 

“What did he do?” He asked plainly.

Your mouth opens but nothing came out, you weren't sure where to start. Yoongi lit the cigarette, taking a long drag before licking his lips.

“Does she need to tell you that? We have enough information, what's the point in knowing every little detail?” Jin insisted, running his hands through his hair.

Yoongi sighs, annoyed that he was letting his feelings get the best of him. He ignores your brother’s protests and looks at you. “What did he do, Y/N?”

“He tied me down to a table...” You confess, trying to recall the time in your life that you've worked so hard to forget. “And- and I stayed like that for hours, I don't know how long...and the water, the water wouldn't stop, it kept dripping and dripping- it was...” Tears began to well in your eyes and you didn't bother choking them back. You swallowed, inhaling deeply before exhaling shakily.

“S-someone came to the room, I can't remember his name...but Taehyung left me in there with him...” Tears streamed down your cheeks, you couldn't keep them from coming. Now. You were angry, sad, hurt—all of those emotions were heavy on your heart. Yoongi wasn't phased by your tears, but Jin was teetering on the edge of his limit.

“He did the worst of it.”

“What does the mean?” Yoongi pried further.

“He beat me, I was covered from head to toe in bruises...h-he degraded me a-and-” You sniffled, attempting to wipe your steady tears away. “And-...He wanted me to have sex with him, I fought back,” You couldn't get it out, the syllables of your sentences were jumbled up like a child. “I kicked and bit him-...He got really mad, and tried to- Force me anyway...but-”

“Stop!” Jin shouted in a fit, startlingly you enough to make you whimper. 

“Just stop. Stop talking, I don't want to hear it anymore, I can’t.” He kicked the desk and Yoongi was about ready to shoot this man if he kept disrupting. He was finally hearing some detailed progress and now he has to worry about Jin getting butt-hurt about your unfortunate situation. 

“How could you say that?... You're responsible for putting me in this situation but you don’t want to hear the truth?” You wiped your nose, looking at him with teary eyes in disbelief. “I was the one being abused...”

“Y/N, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry this happened to you and it is partly my fault, I admit that. But that doesn’t mean you have to torture me with the details.” 

“I’m torturing you!? You’re so fucking selfish...I was tortured! It all happened to me!” You pointed to yourself, throat soar from the volume you’ve reached.

“You don’t know what I had to go through, knowing you hadn’t even tried to reach me...” You hissed at Jin, slowly standing up from your seat, your ankle suddenly feeling like it was cut off and stapled back on. 

“I-...I don't feel very well, can I leave, please? I didn't take my medicine this morning,” You looked at him, trying to earn his sympathy but he wasn't buying it. He wasn't done ask his questions, he needed to know more and you were not about to leave before he could get the answers he wanted.

“No, but he can.” He cut his gaze to his Jin. “Get out, you're not helping here, just getting fucking emotional,” Yoongi coughed a little, the smoke affecting his breathing like it often did. 

“Yoongi, don’t take this personally but I'm not leaving her in here with you-”

“And I wasn't fucking asking. I don’t need you in here, get the fuck out,” Yoongi commanded, and to your surprise, Jin actually listened, you underestimated the authority Yoongi had here. 

“Close the door on your way out.” With a loud groan, Jin left the room, hoping you'd be okay while he was gone. The door was closed and the sound made you relieved in some way.

“Now that he’s gone, you can speak freely, I need to everything,” He sighed, getting up to walk to a cabinet behind him. He pulled out a bottle of rum and two glasses, pouring the liquid. “And I’ll know if you’re lying about something, so please be transparent.”

It was silent for a few seconds, Yoongi took this little time to observe you. There was so much he needed to uncover, he just didn't think he'd be uncovering them through you. He studied your features, your nose a tinge pink from the crying, your eyes, arms, everything, you looked close to sickly. Your appearance was immensely different from before—from what he could remember at least. You coughed into your hand, the puff of smoke he just released scratching at your lungs. 

“Are you sensitive to the smell?”

Your furrowed your brows. “What?”

“Are you sensitive to the smell of smoke or are you fucking around? Because I'm not holding your hands until you can articulate yourself. I hope you don't think I made him leave because you wanted him to, I made him leave because we need to continue this without interruptions.” He tapped it on the ashtray, scrutinizing your silence.

“S-sorry, I hate the smell...” You mumbled, rubbing at your nose. 

He grumbled something under his breath, but it was incoherent. He put it out and right after he poured the rum into two glasses, sitting one in front of you and the other in front of himself. 

“So Taehyung stopped him...” He spoke, urging you to continue. “What else?”

“Yes...He told the guy to leave but it was just so he could torture me himself...he got into my head, he gave me the choice to stop him multiple times, I- I could have stopped him but I didn't, I was so stupid…” You grit your teeth. 

“All the scars and pain are my fault. Isn't that pitiful? He fucking stabbed me and threatened to send a bunch of guys in there to finish what that other guy started if I didn't beg him...” You looked up at him, licking your lips nervously. 

“That's when I caved in, I couldn't take it anymore...I begged him not to and he finally made it stop. I went through pointless torture and he only stopped when I gave up my dignity...you probably think I'm pathetic...” Your head hung lower and lower, you began to feel ashamed and self-conscious, he sighed. 

“Actually, you're brave, a little stupid, but brave. To run away from Namjoon, and pull it off for a few hours?” He took a sip of his drink, the harsh alcohol soothing him in a way. 

“You know how to survive, you favor Jin in that aspect,” He thought aloud, and you nodded your head weakly. “That experience must've affected you deeply. Mentally, emotionally, and physically you’ve endured a lot,”

“I'm curious...if Jungkook took you from that room,” He tapped his index finger on the glass. “What kind of relationship do you have with him? He did save you at your lowest point.” He made a question in more of a statement form as if he already knew the answer. 

Jungkook. He was all you really wanted right now, you didn't know how you could talk about your relationship with him without completely breaking down. 

“What’d you mean?...” You feigned ignorance, twiddling your fingers anxiously.

“Did you just sleep together? Were you roommates? Lovers? You have a lot of options.”

“I don’t know but-...But I love him. He saved me, just when I was about to give up on my life, he saved me. He took me when I was beaten and bloody, but he cleaned me up and took care of me anyway. Some girl he didn't even know, he let sleep in his bed when he could've thrown me out...He protected me, from all of them, from the people like you.” You wiped your eyes with the back of your sleeve and Yoongi sighed.

She has Stockholm syndrome.

He didn’t entertain your emotional confession, he instead asked a question that has been on his mind.

“You have quite a few marks on your neck,” He stood to his feet, running his tongue over his bottom lip in thought. “they can't all be bruises. Some of them look like,” He snickered, this was too funny to him, “hickies?” 

You swallowed, he seemed a lot more intimidating now. He wasn't super tall like Namjoon, and he wasn't built like Jungkook, but he was still a lot bigger than you. He took one last swig of his drink, before placing it back on the desk. Suddenly Jimin walked in, but the sound didn't really phase you, your eyes were glued to Yoongi. He came in at the worst time, Yoongi was just about to ease out every little detail he could to mortify you. He had to test the waters, find out what was really going on here. 

“Is he aggressive with you? I can tell you're docile when shown some type of physical assertion, that’s normal but you seem a bit paranoid,” he said that last part more to himself.

“Is Jungkook like that with you?” To your utter surprise, he gently grabbed the tip of your jaw between his two fingers and thumb. Forcing you to look him in the eye, bringing his face somewhat close to your own. Jimin was shocked, Yoongi actually touched your face. He rarely sees scenes like this. He took his other hand and thumbed over the darkest bruise, inspecting it despite your obvious discomfort. 

“I’m curious, does he touch you even if you tell him not to or do you like that sort of thing and it’s all consensual? I’m trying to piece this together,” He tilted his head a bit, furrowing his brow when you grabbed his wrist weakly to get him to let go. “You claim you’re in love with him but you’ve given me no real evidence to prove that, so, I don’t believe you.”

Your cheeks were so blushed that it could've been mistaken for a slap in the face. He wasn't convinced. He wasn't born yesterday, he knows what a consenting adult is capable of. It was embarrassing that everyone was bringing up the marks, was it really that noticeable? You just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. With Jimin's flustered expression at the scene he let you go, he decided he’d finish this later.

“Hyung,” Jimin cleared his throat, “sorry, she needs to take her meds, it’s time...” He always seems to save you in the nick of time, you appreciated him a lot for that coincidental timing.

“Ah, that's right, you're probably in a lot of pain, we'll continue this later.” With that, he was about to walk out but he saw the glass of rum that you didn't even touch. He downed it in one go, groaning as he left the room.

Jimin hesitantly approached you, reaching for your hand to get your attention. He felt sorry for you, he always has. Your innocent blood was shed for Jin’s guilty hands and there was nothing he could do for you. He took you back to your room, telling you to drink plenty of water and take your medicine

—why do you always end up in some room. Alone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“He’s gone again?...” He walked up beside her at the kitchen table, watching her sew the cut on his favorite black shirt, for the third time this week. He was as active as any other boy, but at this rate, he might as well go out in football gear.

“Yes, he left early this morning sweetheart.” She stopped her sewing, sitting the sweater down and sighing. Her slender fingers reached for the glass of ice water and Jungkook watched her sip from it. “He'll be back soon though.”

“You always say that. He's never home...” I groaned.

“Jungkook, you know that's how he pays our bills, how we get food on the table.” She gave a weak smile, cupping his cheek lovingly.

“Yeah but he's gone so much, I don't even remember his face sometimes...” He whined, furrowing his dark brows, that sentence alone broke her heart a little.

“Don't ever say that, Jeon Jungkook. You always remember your father, always, he loves you...” She knelt down to my level, looking into my eyes. “He may not say it often, or show it like he should but he does...” She embraced me, almost to comfort herself.

Her heart was so warm and kind. For the longest time, he wondered how she could smile through this.

He first got enlisted when Jungkook was 4 years old because he got laid off. the check from the military was decent enough to support a wife and child. Jungkook noticed soon enough that his mother was really his only confidant. She was an angel to him. Even if she would discipline him from time to time, she only had to be strict because his father wasn’t there. That must’ve been tiring.

Jungkook was only 11, he didn’t understand the dynamics and complications of a family. All he knew was that his mother loved him, and he loved her more than anyone in this world. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The white ceiling and white lights were pissing him off for some reason. And the at one point bearable hospital bed felt like a wooden plank. Taehyung was supposed to take him home but the doctor suggested he stay another night. The longer he stays here the more he wants to walk out of here and strangle somebody. Jungkook sat up groggily, sighing when he glanced out the window, this is about the time he'd be out and about, or in some cases, in bed with you. I miss her so much. You were by far the best that’s ever happened to him. Somehow the heavens found him worthy enough to have an angel like you.

He looked down at the IV in his arm and frowned. “I can’t take this much longer...” He groaned. The shoulder he used to break his fall with you in his arms was killing him. The pain alone wasn’t the issue, thinking about how he got the injury was troubling, it kept reminding him how this all came into play, how they took you from him. He was sure you were you two were gonna make it, he planned it perfectly. But it didn't go as planned and it’s his fucking fault. He threw you into the front seat, forcing you to drive in a very tense situation, it was bound to go wrong somehow. You’d be with him right now if he would’ve thought things through instead of just doing what he'd do if it's was just him. It's not just Jungkook anymore, it hasn't been for a while. It's you too.

Even one night apart felt weird, he was so accustomed to you being there for him. Being there to talk to, to hold, to love. He just recently verbally confessed to you, he let himself be vulnerable and said that he was in love with you. You're in love with him but now you’re gone. It seemed like anyone he loved with all of his heart was taken from him. 

You were with Jin and Yoongi, that was the worst part of all. He didn’t know why you kept Jin being your brother a secret for so long. He thought maybe you didn’t know they knew each other, that they were enemies. If you and Jin had such a strong relationship, wouldn’t you have said something?

At this point, it didn’t really matter. You love him, you’ve told him and that’s all Jin and or anyone else needs to know. No one can protect you like he can, no one can love you as deeply as he does. Especially not Jin.

He grabbed his cell phone, throwing his legs over the edge as if to get up, somebody needed to come and get him. Namjoon said he'd come to get him last night, but Namjoon's going through a lot right now. Jungkook is out of the loop and he doesn't want it to stay that way.

Knock knock.

Before the person was granted entrance the door slowly creaked open and Jungkook’s eyes were glued to the man that walked inside. That distinct hair, that nose, that face. A nurse came in beside him, presumably to help Jungkook out of bed.

“You and Dr. Jeon look like twins.” She smiled, checking his clipboard and writing some things down. Jungkook was beyond livid and confused. He glared at his Hyung with the dirtiest look. He never wanted to see his face again but here he is. He and his older brother haven’t seen each other in years, and he wanted to keep it that way. Did this guy really think he had the right to walk into this damn hospital room with his stupid white coat? 

Dr. Jeon

“Could you give us a minute Sue?” He decided to speak, seeing Jungkook was about to go off. Sue nodded, walking off and closing the door behind her. They just stared at each other, taking in the sight of one another, He really does look like me.

“Where the shit have you been.” Jungkook hissed, cutting his eyes to the window. 

Jeon walked over to Jungkook, leaning against the bed opposite of him. “I heard you were in a car accident, with your girlfriend? I was worried about your well being Jungkook so I came from my office to come see you.” He sighed. “Look, I don’t really understand in detail the lifestyle you have, but I know it’s dangerous and reckless, you could’ve been killed.”

“You don't care and you don’t know shit about me ‘Dr. fucking Jeon’ and you never will, k? I don’t know why the fuck you think you can just come and go out of peoples lives as you fucking please.” Jungkook took out his IV for the second time and stood up. His older brother didn’t realize how tall Jungkook had gotten, and how mature he really was now. He looked fit too, his biceps were no joke, even if he still had that same lovable baby face.

“Jungkook, whether you like it or not we’re still brothers-”

“YOU ARE NOT MY FUCKING BROTHER. What in the hell makes you think I see you as my brother?! You're what? 9 years older than me? I didn't meet you until I was 10. We didn't even grow up together, we’re not brothers. You don’t mean shit to me Junghyun. I have real brothers and you’re not one of them.”

That stung.

“When they took mom from me you were still allowed to see her, but you and your shitty degree only sent money, fucking money...she didn’t want that.” Jungkook sneered bitterly. “She wanted me, her real son. She didn’t raise you, so you aren’t really her son, I am. And as far as I’m concerned I cut you out of my life and hers. As soon as I met you I told her you were a fucking joke.”

“Jungkook, just stop it, okay? You’re being a child about this. She is my mother too, I love her just as much as you do. I was closer to dad and when he died, I don’t know, I just went on with my life.” He walked over to the door, pacing a bit.

“You don't love her half as much as I do,...Just get out.” There was nothing else he could say, he didn’t have time to fight with Junghyun. He was wasting his breath continuing this conversation. He needed to get to the base with Namjoon, Tae, and everyone else so he can get closer to you.

“I'll talk to you later Jungkook, just- Think about what I said.” He was finally leaving, Jungkook sighed in relief. Who did he think he was? And how did he find out he was in an accident from a different city? Has he been keeping tabs on me? Those were just a few questions he had for him.

Another nurse peeked in.

“Sir? You have a visitor.” Namjoon immerged from behind the two, looking as tall and intimidating as always. Jungkook, for the first time in 24 hours, smiled.

“Hyung.” Jungkook was ready to get up and go but he looked down at himself, remembering that he had asked Namjoon to bring a change of clothes. “Did you bring my clothes?” Namjoon walked over with a slight grin to give Jungkook his long-awaited change of clothes.

“Yeah, I knew you were ready to get out of here, sorry I couldn’t come sooner,” Namjoon commented, seeing Jungkook attempt to change with a bad arm. “there’s a lot going on right now.” 

“Tell me about it...” He sighed, continuing to slip on his shirt and slide on his pants. They removed his bandage so he only had a smaller one on the gash on his forehead. His shoulder was bandaged, his waist, his forehead. He really took a hit. Anyone else would have the sense enough to rest before trying to get up and go

“Excuse me,” The doctor that first operated on him walked in, “there are policemen demanding to speak with you, Mr. Jeon.” Jungkook’s mouth went slightly agape in disbelief, now was not the time for the police to medal into this mess.

“Okay, give me a minute.” The doctor left and Namjoon glared at the door and back at Jungkook.

“They’re probably here to talk about the accident...” Jungkook mumbled. “But, do they know about Y/n? God, I hope they don’t think she’s a suspect...” He finished dressing, then went to the sink to wash his face.

“Jin has Yoongi’s ties to the police department, he’ll do everything in his power to keep her hidden. If she’s with him she’s safe.” Namjoon tried to reassure him but he kept shaking his head, patting his face dry with a washcloth.

“If she’s with anyone but me, she’s not safe.” Jungkook was serious about that. He didn’t trust Jin, it didn’t matter if he was your brother, Jin wasn’t an ally and that meant he was a threat. 

“I know we can’t afford to have you run in with the cops so you should go, I’ll get to you when I can.” This was the last thing he planned on doing when he got out of here, but it was just one milestone before getting to you—that’s how he has to think about it if he’s gonna get through this.

“Hang in there, Jungkook.” Namjoon ran his hand through his hair, he sighed at the thought of having to leave him. Namjoon pats his shoulder, his conscious telling him to sneak Jungkook out but he didn’t want to risk it— he couldn’t; Namjoon left him, he had to. After a good minute or so, Jungkook watched two cops walk in, a pair of cuffs in one of their hands and a bag in the other.

He cleared his throat. “Mr. Jeon,” The man pulled out a bag with a familiar gun in it. “Do you recognize this?” He held up the gun.

He glared from the hospital bed. “I’ve never seen it before...” 

“Oh really? Well, your fingerprints have been found on this weapon. There is gunpowder under your fingernails and on your hands. This weapon has been fired approximately fourteen times.” The other cop came up to him, cuffing his wrist to the bed railing, making Jungkook furrow his brows in confusion.

“You are under arrest for possession and use of a firearm. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.”

“Shit.”