#but it didn’t feel right to delete all of the asks w/o saying something first/acknowledging everyone!!!

[shepscapades]

Seriously, thank you so much everyone for the trick or treats, Happy Halloweens, Boops, and well wishes!!! <3

I edited out all of the request parts of the messages to fit everything in, but It's good to know what everyone's interested in ^w^ (>:3)

[obaby-me]

hi again! can i ask a scenario where the mc is not a virgin and they meet her "first" man? (like, ex friend with benefits?)

This is going to be less about the loss of your virginity and more of a focus of your previous lover. That you have had sex before them means little to the boys. It is with whom they focus on.

Lucifer

When Lucifer had been told that he would need to run an errand in the human, in your old hometown, he hadn’t imagined taking you for a visit to be as stressful as it was.

Initially, it had been lovely, strolling through the streets as you lead him around and introduced him to the various streets and stores and shared with him your memories of each with family and with friends.

One friend in particular seemed to jump into every memory. To say he was a little jealous that this friend had more memories with you than he did would be an understatement. But Lucifer had barely known you a year, it was to be expected, so he swallowed it down in to deepest pit of him. He wanted to just enjoy his time with you and not constantly wonder.

And then you met up and introduced Lucifer to said friend, and Lucifer’s felt that tense ball in his gut rise into his chest.

They were a little more familiar with you than he expected any friend to be. Arms slung around your shoulders and waist and hugs that lingered a little long. You two spoke freely with one another, catching up on old times and laughing at inside jokes that were a little more flirtatious in nature than he was comfortable with.

But what got him to snap was the cavalier whisper that was far too loud to be subtle from your friend, “how you been sleeping out there on your own? You been missing me?”

The way you looked away with a furrowed brow, and wrapped your arms tightly around you spoke volumes of how uncomfortable you were on the subject, but it seems your friend took it to be a sign that you were just playing shy. A hand that attempted to clasp yours was quickly ripped away by the Avatar of Pride, with a glare so terrifying, it felt like an army was parading over your friend’s grave.

“W-well, you know you can always give me a call if you ever do, just like old times.” Your friend gave you a wink, and exited quickly, leaving the two of you in an awkward sort of silence.

“An ex?” Lucifer coughed, clearing the tenseness in the air.

“Of a sort. We were never official. Just a call when you’re looking for a good time kind of friend,” you explained.

Lucifer gives a small noise acknowledging he’d heard you but his head is another world as he considers your interactions with your friend. He’s uneasy.

It’s not that you had a friend with benefits situation previously that he’s concerned about. Asmo has a novel’s worth. But is it still a thing, even now?

A question sits on his tongue that he refuses to ask. Instead he offers that you take him to the next destination to show him around the town.

“I don’t call for that anymore,” you say in assurance as you slip your hand into his. “I-if that matters to you.”

Lucifer smiles softly. He’d never admit that it does, but he’s thankful you know him enough to answer his thoughts for him.

Mammon

“A high school reunion is not so dangerous you need to be this on guard,” you laugh placing a hand on Mammon’s arm. Maybe he was overplaying his role a little, he thought to himself. But embarrassed to be called out on it he gives his usual excuse, “I’m your first man, aren’t I? I gotta keep ya safe.”

You shush him between giggles. “You know how that sounds!” He grins at you in return.

He knows how it sounds. He knows the impression it gives to others—and he likes it. Like he’s special, and important to you—your number one.

“You’re the first? That what you’ve been told? That’s a laugh. I’ll have you know I was the first.” A voice sounds from behind him.

“What?” Mammon shouts, louder than intended, whipping his head around in surprise at the interrupting eavesdropper. “And who the hell are you?”

“Just an old friend,” grins a vaguely familiar face. The way the word friend is pronounced clearly implies something else. It makes Mammon’s stomach churn.

It takes him a moment of scrutinizing and attempting to match the face to a name. While the name escapes him, Mammon recognizes the smug mug from older photos you shared with him the night before—reminiscing on old friends, teachers, clubs and dances during your preparation for your reunion.

This was a frequent offender, present in damn near every photo—one of the very reasons Mammon even came in the first place.

“It’s been awhile. This your boyfriend?”

“Y-yeah, actually!” Mammon quickly announces, looping an arm into yours and puffing himself up a little. He was laughed at, even by you, but you didn’t deny him. Actually, were you cuddling in closer?

“Too bad. We haven’t talked in awhile, but the arrangement’s always still open on my end for you. I’m always just a text away, yeah?” There was a flirtatious wink to which you rolled your eyes in response. But your face flushes in a way that catches Mammon’s attention. He couldn’t decide if you were bashful or angry.

You open your mouth to end the subject—hell, this conversation, but Mammon interjects, curious.

“What arrangement?”

“Best friends with the best benefits kind of arrangement.” Laughs your old friend, wiggling eyebrows up and down into the air to really drive the point home.

“W-what—“ Mammon stutters, the news catching him off guard.

“Well, we’re not best friends anymore, and there are no more benefits available,” you say flatly.

“Reunions are for reconnecting. I’m just offering—“

“You can keep your offer to yourself.” You huff, taking a sip of your drink. The way your arm tightens around Mammon’s tells him it was time to leave.

“Don’t be like that. Are you still mad about—”

“Yeah, actually, I am.” Your disgust quite clear in your tone.

Saving you the trouble of having to argue your way out of the conversation, Mammon drags you to the exit for some fresh air.

It takes you some time to let the steam out of your system, but when you finally have, Mammon tentatively tries to broach the subject, his curiosity killing him.

Unfortunately, subtlety is not his strongest suite.

“So, your friend back there, was uh,“ he starts.

“Yeah, my first. Technically.” You tell him with a shameful groan. “Turned a good friend into a complete shithead though.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Mammon says with distaste.

Laughing aloud and dropping your head against him, you hum. “You know you’re my first man in all the categories that actually count, right?”

“R-right. Of course I know that. I’m the GREAT Mammon. I’m obviously number one to you in lots of other ways!”

“That’s right,” you assure him, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Number one right here,” you whisper, pulling one of his hands to your chest over your heart.

Leviathan

“Hey! Wasn’t that account last logged into like years ago?” Levi asks, pointing to a name on your friends list you hadn’t seen online in ages.

You grimace at the name. You had forgotten to remove them given that you hadn’t played this particular game in awhile. Just as you are about to delete the name a message appears.

heyyy. been awhile

“Whose that?” Levi asks curiously. “Do they wanna hop in with us?”

“I don’t really want to ask,” you say, a look of distaste flashing across your features, as another message dings.

how you been

“They bad at the game or something?” Levi asks with amusement.

“Actually plays quite well,” you admit. “I just think it would be awkward if we were to play together again.”

i been missing u

do u wanna hang

?

“Oh, are they uh, like... an ex, or something?” Asks Levi with wide eyes as the messages appear on the screen.

“Or something,” you say shyly to a curious looking Levi. “We were... we weren’t official. We were just friends, but like, friends that had sex every once in awhile.”

“O-oh!” Levi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his face heating red. Partially due to the subject matter, partially at a irritation born from jealousy.

“We used to be pretty close. We were each other’s firsts. But pretty soon, every ‘heyyy’ turned into ‘u wanna hang’ and then ‘u feelin’ like a fuk?��” Your irritation is evident in your voice.

As predicted, the very next message you receive is,

or maybe smth else?? ;)

“We weren’t really friends by the end of it. So I just stopped responding. Every once in awhile I get another heyyy.” You sigh, rolling your eyes at the message that proved your point.

“Just remove them from your friends list!” Levi hisses, glaring at the message filled screen.

“I was going to!” You assure him. Proof quickly following as you selected the option to remove from friends list.

Levi exhales a sigh of relief, to which you giggle. Hoping to console him, you offer a quick kiss on his cheek. But for Levi, it’s not enough. He pulls you into him for just a little bit of something else.

Satan

With a bag full of books swinging in one hand, and yours clasped tight in the other, Satan doesn’t think there’s anything in all the realms that could possible put a damper on his mood today.

But a stop for a small social event proves him wrong.

An old friend had given you a call to meet up while you were back in your hometown, and you had agreed—after all, it had been a couple of years since you two had last seen each other.

Knocking on the apartment door, the Satan shifts uncomfortably in place.

“Don’t worry so much,” you reassure him with a smile. “You always make a wonderful first impression.”

But Satan is uncertain. This is your friend of the human realm. The Devildom, he relates far easier to, but here he is very foreign and he worries he might miss a custom or two. Do you feel this way in the Devildom?

The door opens to a rather excitable human, eager to see you, and throwing arms around you in a display of affection.

“It’s so lovely to see you again!”

“I have missed you!” You respond in kind.

Your friend shifts their gaze to Satan and he can see their face fall a little. Has he already done something wrong?

“Oh, I didn’t think you were bringing a friend along.”

“This is Satan.”

“That’s an interesting name.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Satan says quickly introducing himself with a handshake.

“Likewise.” Though Satan knows already that isn’t true for your friend who seems disappointed at his presence.

The rest of the visit isn’t unusual, but there seems to be quite emphasis on the relationship between you and Satan.

“So, this is your boyfriend?”

“Yes! We’ve been together a few months now.”

“Real serious, are you?”

“Yes,” Satan responds with a nod.

“I see,” your friend nods solemnly.

By the time the visit has completed, Satan knows he’s not well liked, but doesn’t understand why. You seemed to have picked up on it though.

“I’m so sorry about that.”

“Sorry about what?”

“About my friend. I think their request for a visit wasn’t so much a visit as it was, well, a booty call.”

“A what?” Satan asked stunned. Not by the concept, but that someone would ask that of you.

“It means—“

“I know what it means. Just, why would—“

“Well, we used to be a thing before. Not like, a couple. Just a sort of friends with benefits sort of situation.” You explain, looking sheepish.

“You used to—“

“Yes. It started with just wanting to try sex out for the first time, and it just sort of continued for awhile.”

Satan pauses to consider this. “That would explain the looks. Jealousy,” Satan said with a prideful smirk, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you to him.

You laugh and nod, leaning against him while you continue your stroll through your old neighborhood.

Asmodeus

“Who’s the cutie in all your pictures?” Asmo asks you one day, as you lay out on the couch and over top of him.

You’re resting your head within his lap, and Asmo idly runs one hand through your hair, while the other busies itself on his D.D.D.

He’s been flipping through your old photos, curious of the human life his little lover has led before him.

You stop your browsing through suggested videos on Deviltube to look up at him.

“Hm?”

“This one!” Asmo clarifies, zooming in on a face in a photo you had taken just before your move to the Devildom. “Nearly every group photo you’ve taken has this cutie in it! A lover perhaps?” He probes with interest.

“Yes and no. Just a friend,” you admit a little bashful, “Always, just a friend. But sometimes, well,” you trailed off and shrugged your shoulder a little. “We, y’know.”

“Have sex.” Asmo finishes for you, amused. Given all the ways he’s loved you, and all the talks you’ve had together, that you would still blush was endearing.

“This photo was just before you came,” Asmo notes. “Were you still together just before coming here?”

“Yes, sort of. We only rarely did so,” you explain. “Like, special occasions, and when we were feeling especially lonely. I mean, we were each other’s firsts. It just felt comfortable to do.” You say with a melancholic smile. Apparently the memories were good ones.

Asmo should be very happy for you. You have someone to have a good time with without the strings of romance, someone to experiment with, someone who could play on a kink that perhaps you hadn’t been able to find in another person (until Asmo, of course). Asmo himself practically invented the concept of a fuck buddy, and encouraged it for everyone. He’s always supported or encouraged others to enjoy the sexual experience without all the confining social rules and obligations and expectations that come with relationships.

But the Avatar of Lust had never been in love before. He was now.

The anxiety that gripped his airways was unlike any other worries he’d had before. Jealousy is not a new concept. The idea that no one might want him, like him, love him, was a constant fear. He built his entire life making absolutely sure that someone around him always did.

But it had never mattered to him who. Just as long as someone did.

Now it does. Now it matter more than anything that you did.

“Sounds like someone you’re quite fond of. Like they have a special place in your heart.” He murmurs, tracing the contours of your sweet face with his fingers.

“A place. But not a special place,” you say tilting your face to catch his fingers for a gentle kiss. “Only you exist within that space. No one else is allowed there.”

Asmo giggles, your reassurance settling him. “But of course, who could possibly compare?”

Beelzebub

“I’d prefer if you didn’t,” Beel hears you say from your bedroom. Your door is slightly ajar, and your voice is clear.

“That’s fine. Delete my number, I don’t care.” You sound tired more than agitated, though certainly the expression denotes otherwise. Tired of the conversation, of the caller, and from the lack of sleep. Beel doesn’t expect anyone else to be awake when he does his nightly kitchen raids.

“You don’t need to know why, just that I said no.” He hears your footsteps coming towards the door and Beel takes a few steps back to pretend he’s been strolling past.

But you seem to have caught on that he was there. You point to his looming shadow that had come in through the door that was his give away. Sheepishly he enters, and finds his spot on the bed. Shifting his legs so that you could plant yourself between them and lay back against him, he wraps his arms around you. He loves holding you like this. He knows you love it too. It is the most common way either of you are ever seen together—it’s comfortable as much as it is comforting, which you seem to sorely need right now.

He kisses your hair gently, softly, soundlessly so as not to disturb your phone call.

What is it? Is it cause you got someone now?

Beel hears from over the phone. He’s not trying to eavesdrop, he tells himself, he just so happens to be overhearing it because you’re cuddled so close to him.

“Doesn’t matter whether I do or not. I don’t want to. Not now. Not later.”

What we have is special—

“There is no ‘we have’. That was the entire point, that was your point when we stopped over a year ago. No strings attached, remember?”

But we’ve been together since the first. Our firsts!

“Yes, and that was nice then, and isn’t now. Stop asking me!” You’re becoming riled up now, and Beel doesn’t like to see you this way. He kisses the hand that holds your phone and gently tugs it away. You don’t put up any fight, and he hangs it up.

He gives you gentle kisses down your cheek, tilting your head up to him so that he can kiss your lips, softly, gently. Little peppered pecks to let you know he is here, he loves you, you are safe. You meet every little kiss with one of your own, a thank you for each one you receive.

Your phone lights up, indicating another call is coming in though it remains silent.

“Block his number,” Beel mutters. “But not right now.”

You hum happily against his kisses, and simply turn the phone screen down.

Belphegor

Belphie knows when you’re upset and you’re hiding something. You sigh in a way you think he can’t hear, but he can feel it in the way you breathe lying in his arms.

“What’s the matter?” he mumbles without bothering to open his eyes.

“Nothing,” you say, sounding rather surprised that he had noticed at all. He smirks, loving the way he knows you so well.

Slowly he encircles your waist and tugs you even closer to him. He hums as he kisses your neck, knowing the overwhelming affection will persuade you to him: either because you feel comfortable, or because it annoys you. It depends on your mood, it depends on the day. Either way, it works, and he gets kisses. He doesn’t mind.

You giggle but try to pull yourself away, not in the mood.

“It’s nothing important,” you clarify. “Just received a text from someone I never thought I would again.”

“Someone good, or someone bad?” Belphie asks.

“Was good, now, I don’t know.” You say with a sigh as you turn to face him. “Was a good friend. Were very close for a time. Very close.” You emphasized. “It just sort of fell apart after, well...”

Belphie, eyed you, patiently waiting for more. He wasn’t one to rush you as you tried to gather your words. Instead he trailed fingers over your arms, busying himself with how soft your skin was.

“I just didn’t end up feeling the same way, you know? I suppose it shouldn’t have been a surprise given all the sex, but—“

“Sex?” Belphie asked, his eyes snapping to lock on to yours.

“Yes. Like I said, we were very close.” You repeated, punctuating very close again, as if Belphie was suppose to have somehow understood the connotation the first time. “Was even my first,” you sigh, sounding disappointed.

“We had a no-strings attached thing agreement to keep it very casual.” You said shyly averting your gaze. “But apparently, feelings that weren’t there, suddenly were. Not on my end, but—“ You sighed again.

“So what’s the text say?” Belphie asked.

“Just hey.”

“You gonna say anything back?” Belphie asked quietly, his insides in turmoil at the thought of you reconnecting with, with... a sex buddy.

You have me, he argues without words—his hands drift to your waist to pull you against him, where he grinds gently.

Catching his concerns, you smile and drape a leg over him as he begins a grind.

“No,” you hum, tossing your phone on to the pillow behind you to cuddle into your needy boyfriend. “I don’t need anyone else,” you assure him, your mood shifting now that your mind no longer fretted over an old lover. Time to focus on your current one.

[cutietobio]

shiratorizawa you say? i’m not sure if this would fall into full nsfw so if this makes you uncomfortable then feel free to delete it bb! i would never want u to be uncomfortable at all. so how abt ushi and semi (separate) doing homework or watching movies in their dorm when their fem s/o sits on their lap and teases them. The boy ends up gripping onto their s/o and fingering them until they’re an overstimulated mess. i hope this is okay!!

first n s f w request, I hope it's satisfactory! (this is super anti-climatic but pls be gentle with me this is like...my first time writing nsfw, i felt like a freak and made semi’s one a bit kinky oo)

USHIJIMA

“(Name),” Ushijima warned firmly as you sat on his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck and pushing yourself closer into him.

“Hmm?” you hummed out in reply, feigning innocence with wide eyes and an innocuous smile.

Ushijima remained silent, although he shifted beneath you uncomfortably. Your eyes narrowed in a predatory manner, proud in your achievement of having him squirm beneath you. The concentrated glint in his eyes from before had vanished completely and you knew you had stolen his attention from the science books scattered among his desk.

“Ushi,” you whine out in a sultry tone, taking special care in directing the breath of your words to fan gently against his neck. You shift in his lap, pressing your ass down upon his crotch with the purpose of riling him up further.

You catch the sight of his eyebrows furrowing up and the evident clenching of his jaw, but he’s stubborn and refuses to meet your gaze or follow along with your lewd acts. Instead, he keeps his eyes glued to the pages of complicated scientific theories.

“Take a break,” you whine, bawling the material of his shirt in your fist and tugging at it lightly.

“Having sex isn’t considered a break,” he states with a nonchalant reply, his straightforwardness makes you flustered and you feel your cheeks burning up as an effect of his obscene words.

“I wasn’t implying-“

“Are you sure? Explain why you’re grinding against me, then,” his eyes snap down to meet your own and the intensity of them steals your breath away. You’re unable to think of a reply, stunned by the lustful gaze of your boyfriend. Your mouth is agape in vacuity and you watch as Ushijima lowers his lips to your own.

The gap is closed by your own doing and your lips meet in a kiss that is heated from the start. If you were in a state to process anything other than the engaging make out, you would have felt the hardening of his boner beneath you. You jolt in sudden alert at the feel of feather-light touches tracing up the exposed skin of your inner thigh. It took a second to process that it was indeed Ushijima’s fingers touching you so delicately.

They travelled candidly up the hem of your skirt, with Ushijima turning his hand to barely brush his knuckles against your clothed slit. A moaned into the kiss in anticipation before both of you broke away in order to catch your breaths. Ushijima’s parted lips lingered above your own as he stared into your eyes which pooled with awakened desire.

You tried reaching up to kiss him further, only for him to lean back in avoidance. Whining in complaint, you pulled at the material of his shirt, beckoning that he stop teasing you and come closer.

“I want to see you,” came his blunt vindication, the meaning behind his words sent heat rushing down to your core. Seeing that you would no longer put up a fuss, Ushijima turned his attention to your bottom half. Your skirt was pushed higher up your torso so he could have a good look at you. The appealing lace underwear that you wore earned a side glance from him as he wondered whether you were planning this from having got dressed that morning.

Gently, he tugged the material to the side, exposing your arousal to the temperature of the room. You squirmed at the feeling but it didn’t last long with the welcoming feeling of a long finger dipping inside of you. Ushijima concentrated deeply on his actions, his stare was so intent you were beginning to decipher whether it was any different compared to the concentration he displays during volleyball matches. The thought elicited a small laugh from you, breaking Ushijima’s focus as he spared you a quick glance before immediately returning his gaze on his second finger slipping into you.

“You look so-ah..serious, ushi,” you remark through a gasp at the feeling of his fingers stretching your walls. He grunts out, a mere acknowledgement that he heard you. He wasn’t one to get flustered easily if anything he thought his concentration was justified. It’s almost as if he senses your displeasure to his half-assed reply, as the pace that he’s pumping his fingers into you increases.

Soft moans leave your mouth as you sub-consciously spread your legs further apart, craving his touch in a more suitable position. You melt into his touch when you feel his thumb rubbing small circles onto your clit. His pressure increases and you gasp out at the feeling. With his magical touches and proper experience on all the right ways to get you off, you find yourself orgasming only minutes after. 

“A-ah, stop!” you whine out, struggling in his hold as you feel yourself growing sore from the overstimulation. Instantly, the fingers inside of you stop and the thumb abusing your clit has come to a halt. Your chest heaves with heavily laboured breaths, Ushijima is breathing harder than normal from the arm workout.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, you’re able to pick up the genuine undertone in his voice that others would have missed and immediately have regarded his apology as insincere. 

You give him a breathless smile, “My turn.”

SEMI

Being invited over to watch movies in Semi’s dorm was a common occurrence. Nine out of ten times, the both of you disregarded the film after the first forty minutes and it served as background noise for the rest of the night while you both became tangled together underneath the sheets.

However, you were taken by surprise when Semi told you to meet him in the dorm’s common room to watch a movie that particular Friday night. When you arrived, a lot of the other Shiratorizawa team members were scattered among the couches. Suspicion consumes you instantly and you narrow your eyes upon your approaching boyfriend.

“I saved us a spot,” he held his hand out for you to take, which you did, albeit hesitantly. You looked around at the faces of everyone else, but nobody seemed very suspecting of everything. Feeling a bit at ease that this wasn’t some scheme, you relaxed into the couch with your boyfriend. His arm instantly wrapped around your shoulders and you wasted no time laying your head on his collarbone.

You felt compelled to ask why he decided to change the setting of your usual movie nights, and still invite friends, but right now wasn’t the time to do so. Assumingly, he wanted his girlfriend to bond with his own friends, but Semi never cared too much about such things. Deciding to shrug it off, for now, you concentrated on the movie playing.  

His teammates turned out to be quite amusing, especially Tendou, who gave his comments on certain parts that sent the majority of you into giggle fits. Upon a certain remark, you erupted into laughter along with a few others but the feeling of a warm hand slipping into the front of your sweatpants caused your breath to hitch in your throat. 

You froze in spot as the hand continued it’s descent further down, tugging your underwear to the side and rubbing at your slightly moist folds. You didn’t have to turn to know Semi was looking at you. Grabbing at the blanket covering you both, you bunched it up in a way that if someone were to look over, they wouldn’t see the obvious outline of your boyfriend’s arm in a questionable position.

You gripped at his wrist and his movements stilled, he was waiting for you to do something. It would be a wiser decision to tug his hand out and not risk being caught and declared as perverts by his friends, but your wettening arousal pooling between your legs urged you to let him continue. Growing tired by your hesitance, Semi boldly slipped a finger inside of you, revelling over the sight of watching you squirm and sink completely back into the couch cushions. He took it as a sign of preparation for what was about to come.

You grew wetter within seconds and Semi took the opportunity to slip in a second finger with the help of your natural lubricant. He gave an experimental thrust and watched your face being covered by the blankets as you hid away your warped expression of pleasure. Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan as you felt your boyfriend finger f*ck you underneath the blankets. Despite the constraint of his full potential to not draw any attention, he was doing the best he could to get your orgasming as quick as he could.

His fingers slipped out of you, leaving you with an empty feeling. You raised your head in question, just as his fingers began rubbing at your clit. Semi kept his eyes trained to the TV, and you hid your face in the crook of his neck. It was difficult to maintain your moaning, so you opted to squeeze at his arm and bite down into the material of your sleeve. His movements upon your clit quickened and your leg jolted lightly at the wave of pleasure which rushed through your lower body. Semi gripped your leg with his free hand, keeping it stable before it could catch any attention.

Upon orgasming, your hold on his arm grew, despite in being a bit uncomfortable, Semi couldn’t exactly blame you for abusing his arm and possibly cutting off his blood circulation. As if getting you to orgasm wasn’t enough, Semi continued his assault on your puffy and sensitive clit. Instantly, you clamped your thighs shut, trapping his hand and rendering it immobile. Your boyfriend still tried moving his fingers but was interrupted as you pinched hard at his arm. 

After the movie, Semi brought you to his room where you demanded and explanation.

“It’s one of my kinks,” he states casually, shrugging lightly. You stare at him, arms crossed. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it?” he questions with a raise of an eyebrow, although, he already seems to know the answer to that question. You refuse to respond, but the sight of his smirk causes you to drop your arms in surrender.

“It was really hot..until you tried to overstim me!” you grab at a nearby pillow and fling it at him. And that’s how the rest of your night went, calling him a kinky pervert and receiving a good apology afterwards. 

[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

god it WILL NOT stop bothering me until i talk about it. the way we got here. it’s not just about the book anymore, not at all, and it’s certainly never been about “shipping”, at this point it’s how helpless the tactics of the guy make me feel.

step one: refer to people who have read previous venom books and noticed the trend throughout the nineties to portray eddie and the symbiote as a man and an agender alien in an ambiguously or not-so-ambiguously romantic relationship, which was picked up on and completely unambiguously canonised in the very last run, consistently refer to these people as “shippers”, lovingly condescend to them, do not ever treat “the ship” as existing beyond their imagination

[I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS EXIST]

result: make people forget that this is a complete misrepresentation and he has received no criticism whatsoever for “not making a ship canon” because that is not what he did, he decanonised it and then denied doing so and painted everyone it ever meant something to as essentially deluded - and, considering that that’s all they are, he’s being awfully kind and accommodating, isn’t he?

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step two: actively seek out these no-good shippers on tumblr! tell them that you’re watching them! read their detailed posts in which they express their grievances about your comic book to their friends and misrepresent their points on your twitter so your bajillion followers can affirm that Those People are categorically wrong about everything!

[EDDIE IS CODEPENDENT]

people are mad at him because he said eddie was codependent! not because he’s reframing the extremely rare story of a troubled queer relationship that was ultimately still a redemptive force in these characters’ lives as an unhealthy compulsion that corrupts, hm, what a fresh and unfamiliar take, no reason why this would strike a nerve - and, recently, of course, as something inherently abusive, every bit of hope and change for the better vile and fake.

literally just start vaguing about people’s personal tumblr blogs on your professional twitter account with the little, little blue checkmark and everything, use that to make passive-aggressive references to people’s posts! why not!

[LOVE EACH OTHER]

people talk about how they like a symbiote and its host getting along (and they did, that very night, talk quite a lot about ngozi)? that is so dumb and lame.

[EVERYTHING IS AWESOME]

people get sick of edgy shock factor writing that throws one dark theme after another at them without treating any of them with the consideration they deserve? people expect some moments of levity in a venom book?

they’re asking for stories with no conflict where nothing bad ever happens! but it’s okay, he knows better, he knows you just don’t know what you want! it’s not like endless sadness is just as likely to be dreadfully boring or unintentionally hilarious as endless happiness!

result: o w n e d god he sure is shutting down every point no one has ever made

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step three: literally get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only boil their opinions down to THE SHIIIIP but literally say that their opinions don’t matter because they literally would never say it “to your face” literally because it’s “easy to be brave on tumblr”

literally

say these words

[IT’S EASY TO BE BRAVE ON TUMBLR]

call people chicken shits for NOT talking to you directly! and then! BLOCK everybody who talks to you directly! or quote retweet them so your followers can descend like vultures! actually acknowledge that it takes bravery to interact with you if you’re in the Tumblr Demographic, you know, one of Those People, and frame yourself as in the right for it???

am i losing my mind???

[SIX PEOPLE ON TUMBLR]

get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only claim they’re the only people ever to talk badly of it but imply that you’re one step away from namedropping the specific perpetrators. that’s not ominous at all!

it’s an age-old question: how many times does one of marvel’s top writers with legions of fans have to imply his antagonistic awareness of your specific existence before you’re on a first name basis? and also paranoid?

result: stir shit. be a shit stirrer. faint when your shit stirring does in fact stir shit. you can’t go “you would never” and be surprised when people do, you... can’t...

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step four: whip out your ally card... to whip the people you’re supposed to be allied to with it. try to use your knowledge of queer issues to shut down actual queer people.

[I DON’T THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE TO ASSUME GENDER]

either that, or straight-up make a “did you just assume my gender” joke. i can’t find the original tweet anymore, so it’s possible it was that and he deleted it because it was too blatant, lol.

result: MAYBE YOU GUYS WERE THE PROBLEMATIC ONES ALL ALONG

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step five: remember that interview where he outright stated that he just wants to, just to be the definite venom run? just to put the biggest dent in canon he can? just to break everybody’s toys and emerge victorious as the one person with the valid take on venom?

yeah, those things become more noticeable in the actual book, over time, and acceptance of that is, uh, not universal? not everybody’s up for him spending several issues in a row on e s t a b l i s h i n g  d o m i n a n c e by having eddie sit around as other characters tell him that a ton of stuff other writers from michelinie to thompson to costa to kaminski to slott to jenkins have done actually sucked and was wrong and fake and never happened? through retcons that make no sense, like, factually don’t fit?

people don’t like you walking back character and relationship development to further your end goal of recasting the symbiote as the personification of addiction and abuse instead of itself a survivor of extreme abuse who has been constantly denied personhood in a way that is frighteningly resonant and who has been going through a genuine redemption arc for years now?

people don’t like you acting like eddie never had a reason for being who he is before and you had to make one up? one that doesn’t fit the character at all, which you didn’t realise because you apparently thought the character had no characterisation before you came along?

you can imagine how these things might spark nerd rage?

and you can probably imagine who this nerd rage was blamed on, yeah?

these criticisms inherently require knowledge of venom canon, because they’re largely about disrespect for it, these criticisms are not related to shipping of any kind - but of course the only thing people could possibly be mad about is the "ship", the only ones making a fuss are those “shippers”, those casuals, Those People who only care about One Thing and don’t understand the real gritty reality of the, god you get it i’m making fun

[I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT]

you’re the only one, don. it’s true.

and i know, i know for a fact, that he’s been aware of criticism from other groups all along, that he was, for example, witness to this livestream that spends like a solid hour a month mercilessly dragging him through the dirt, and you know what the extent of his response was?

thanks for checking the book out.

that’s it. that’s all. this guy hasn’t gotten any less loud about criticising him, either. wishing for his book’s cancellation and retconning. but nothing more. he gets to keep to himself. he is #valid.

people have been taking the piss out of him on youtube, on reddit. only tumblr ever earned his ire. only tumblr gets namedropped at convention panels.

and now, now more than ever? you better believe your regular run-of-the-mill nerds, straight, male, utterly uninterested in the icky stuff, everything, are mad. almost everyone who’s truly tits deep in venom lore is mad.

and so he’s said he’s received threats. and i’m sure he has. i’ve received threats. you’ve received threats. it’s never okay. it sure as shit never helps to send them.

he’s gotten a lot of fucking inappropriate personal vitriol! lots of it actually “ship”-related! i’m categorically against contacting the guy for any reason!

but who is to blame? who do people accept as being to blame? who do news outlets report on as being to blame? when, i presume, not every single one of them actually went “i’m doing this specifically because i’m a (thunder clap) shipper”? when large-scale retcons are literally always met with nerd rage? when a shipper-less fandom probably still would’ve had threats?

[THIS IS INSANE]

[IT��S THE SHIPPERS]

result: if all criticism = “shippers”, and “shippers” = harassment, then everyone who has no actual idea of what’s going on but who doesn’t like “shippers” is automatically on his side and nobody who isn’t a “shipper” wants to risk the association by criticising him.

get this stuff out to his followers, to news outlets, to people completely uninvolved and contextless, and watch the bile run over everywhere because lots of people are ready to accept this narrative in comic book spaces.

have people in the replies and comments eagerly discussing how this is more proof that c+o+m+i+c+s+gate was right and they’re the only reasonable ones. how disgusting and crazy "shippers” are. how donny should keep doing his best to trigger the gays. there’s no pushback against these ideas.

and i’m so fucking stuck between wanting to defend the man, wring my hands and apologise on behalf of the other These People, because i don’t see anything justifiable in their actions, and in being... just... just so frustrated... with everything... with throwing everyone out to the dogs... and claiming that he doesn’t mean to... when he has this whole history of belittling "shippers” specifically... of making sure their public image is that of people who just don’t know what they’re talking about and are in no way worth empathising with... of only drawing attention to the aggressive ones and blocking the reasonable ones

when he literally only stands to benefit from doing all this. 

this is massive amounts of free positive pr.

this makes him essentially immune to criticism of any kind.

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes! 

i forgot! somewhere along the line, he did do something very good and disavowed association with co/mics/ga/te!

[C0M1C5G8]

why the fuck am i censoring? tumblr search stopped working decades ago.

anyway, it should come as no particular surprise why these people assumed he would side with them. not that any high profile writer who values his standing would, really. are there any? maybe there are, i’m not up to date on this drama.

i just think it’s funny - genuinely not his fault, but hilarious - that this was apparently enough to inspire a “boycott”? and it was a fart in the wind?

which is the least surprising thing ever because there is actually nothing whatsoever to hold these people’s ire to be found in venom? excluding aliens, there has been one real and present character who isn’t a white guy in 11 issues? it is actively less queer than it was before? donny has never caved to the essjaywoo pressure in any way, shape or form? what were they... thinking? it’s almost like these people are dumb?

all they've done is ensure that, without it actually doing anything, venom gets the commendation for being A Comic The Gators Don't Like?

anyway.

what do we do moving forward? i don’t know. nothing. not harassing anyone. keep being salty on tumblr. do not engage him. i think i’m more about stalling the chain reaction he’s caused than the man himself. if you’re not a “shipper”, of course, keep posting your criticism, maybe stand up for “shippers” who are being dogpiled over genuine criticism, don’t let people say This Is All Proof Of How You Can’t Have Queer Content Because Queers Are Crazy.

and be nice to mike costa.