#but it could be because I stopped taking B12 a few days ago

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all, weird question time again! I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one, but asking anyway: If you are having severe muscle cramps/knots/tension all over your body and go to a doctor/urgent care/hospital for them, assuming the doctor believes it's something that needs treatment, the only things they can give you are anti-inflammatories, pain relief, muscle relaxers, or like an IV to rehydrate you if it turns out to be caused by dehydration, right? I know those are three very broad categories of treatment, I'm not asking for specifics within those categories, just if there are options outside of them (I am allergic to NSAIDs, already on corticosteroids for unrelated reasons, probably shouldn't have muscle relaxers or stronger pain meds for "my blood pressure looks for any excuse to crash" reasons, and am staying on top of hydration and electrolytes, but this round of muscle cramps is bad, even for me)

[donutloverxo]

The donut mishap

Note - This is the first of my soft!reader series. I'll try to post them chronologically now on. Note that this is set in 2013. And a dear friend helped me out with this. Thanks a lot to her <3.

Summary - A quest of baking donuts brings you to the avengers tower. But what happens when your paths cross with the star spangled man?

Warnings - curse words, steves ptsd

Pairing - Steve Rogers x reader

Word count - 2.3k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You squinted your eyes concentrating on putting just the right amount of pressure on the piping bag to get the perfect swirl of frosting on the cupcake. Your breathe hitched as a little air bubble appeared, aside from that it looked perfect. With a nice stiff peak.

You smiled looking over the cupcakes and donuts; over 12 hours of work. You felt like a proud mama.

When you started working at the Bakery, granted you only did so because you loved how cute their desserts looked but never could afford them, you thought you’d get to make money off of your love for baking.

Instead they stuck you in the back, doing books and maintaining accounts. Yeah you were going to grad school to be an accountant but it still wasn’t fair!

You never got to learn anything new about baking, or even try any delicious pastries. You just spent 4 hours everyday playing with the numbers.

And then you got a call from Linda, your boss. Panicking about how the head chef is sick and they have an order from the Avengers.

The Avengers were just a bit controversial. But for the most part everyone was grateful for them and looked up to them.

You can’t disappoint them. They’re superheros! Literal gods!

You didn’t really have much of an opinion on them. Except that the God of thunder from space made you all tingly sometimes.

You were just happy you got the chance to make such variety of desserts. Maybe now you could convince Linda to let you help out in the kitchen every now and then.

“You’re going to have to deliver them yourself.” Linda said looking them over and taking a small bite from the mint macaroon. “Take a taxi. Think you can handle it?” She handed you a hundred dollar bill.

There were only two boxes, one with the donuts and another with different assortments of patisseries. You accepted the bill and called for an Uber.

Normally the bakery doesn’t do delivery but when someone even mentioned Tony Starks name, Linda agreed to deliver, almost gave it away for free.

You made it to the tower in one piece. Glad to know that all the desserts seemed like they were doing alright in the boxes. You craned your neck up to look at the tower. Yet you couldn’t see the top.

You tried your best to be careful with the giant pink boxes in your hands muttering ‘excuse me' to anyone you may come across so as to not bump into them. You gently lay the boxes on the reception counter. Giving the brunette receptionist a huge warm smile.

“These are for Pepper Potts. Should I just leave them here...” You trailed off.

Looking around to see everyone dressed to the nines in sleek business formal clothes. You were wearing your pink dress with small red strawberries splattered all across it, it ended just below your knees, maybe not the perfect dress for the beginning of fall, or making a delivery for that matter. It made you feel self-conscious you tried your best to not think about how unprepared you must seem.

Which wasn’t entirely your fault. They were the ones that expected such a large order in under 12 hours.

“Alright ma'am you can go up and set them up.” She said hanging up the phone and giving you a visitors pass.

“Oh I...” You wanted to disagree. Ask for someone else to do it. You just KNEW you were going to mess it up.

But you couldn’t really say anything when she smiled “Thank you.” Probably in a way to shoo you off and deal with the person behind you.

You somehow made your way to the elevator, asking for directions twice, only it was too crowded and you were running out of time. “I’ll take the next one.” You said, although no one really seemed to care, they were either looking at their phones or chatting with each other.

A nervous smile painted on your face, so you could delude yourself into thinking everything is fine to calm your nerves. You couldn’t even afford to take your phone out of your sling bag to look at the time, not with your hands occupied.

After waiting for forever you were able to get into an elevator which was only occupied with a few people. Finally you were at your desired floor.

You were to take the boxes to conference room B12.

So you looked around, distracted. Your mother had always told you that your absent mindedness will one day come to bite you in the ass.

‘Try living in reality once in a while.’ She had said in such a condescending tone.

You huffed back then, thinking you were fine just the way you are. Until you bumped into what you thought was a brick wall, too distracted by the numbers and signs and twists and turns.

You quickly looked in front of you, when you felt the boxes you had held up collide with something. It wasn’t a wall, it was what looked like a human man. You tried to balance your feet stumbling back a bit before falling flat on your ass.

“Omph” You let out as you felt the cold hardwood floor sting your behind. Your precious donuts and desserts falling to the ground.

You looked at the ruins, how the frosting and sprinkles decorated the floor, taking it all in, asking yourself if this is a dream.

By the angle you were sitting in, you were sure the man could see your underwear, but you didn’t care. Because you were completely ruined.

You looked up at him, your lips quivering and your eyes glossy. “Why?” You asked as he stared at you completely dumbfounded, as if he had never seen a girl before.

Steve wanted to refuse right away. As soon as they said the words ‘honor’ and ‘appreciate’. A ceremony just to honor him and thank him for his service to his country.

He did try to convince Tony that he hated such things. To be the centre of attentions and plaster on a pageant smile for all the flashing cameras. That is not what he signed up for. His goal was never to get fame and recognition.

He ultimately had to relent. Because it was supposed to be an inspiration for others and to ‘boost morale’.

“Just flash your perfect pearly whites for a few hours, it’s really not that hard.” Tony said slapping Steve’s shoulder. As if they’ve been friends forever and he doesn’t take some kind of sick sadistic pleasure in watching Steve suffer.

They spoke of how brave he was, how even as a sickly kid he stood up for what was right. For his country.

Really he could tolerate all that. Even be grateful for it.

But his anxiety came back as they showed pictures from the wartimes, projected onto the white screen.

He’s a hero they said.

So brave.

Selfless and compassionate.

A man out of time.

Lies. Blatant lies. He was far from a hero. He knew that. But he realized the extent of it when he saw the pictures, some of them familiar to him, having happened just in front of him not so long ago, even if it had been decades for everyone else.

All of his brothers, his best friend died. Protecting their country. For their duty. They made the ultimate sacrifice and were more than happy to do so.

He recalled one commander saying how he would love to die serving his country. It would be his greatest accomplishment.

And here he was. Wearing a suit that he had no doubt cost thousands of dollars. Drinking expensive champagne, giving interviews, having his face on magazine covers. Taking pictures with his ‘fans'. Living the high life.

How the fuck was he a hero?!

He couldn’t look at the remaining pictures or listen to them. He tried to zone them out, tune out his anxiety and his guilt. To not let his mind go to those dark places, to linger on the past. Nothing good would come out of it.

He could still do good. Be good. Wash off his sins. If he kept trying and moving forward. If only it wasn’t so hard.

There was no such thing washing your sins off of you. No one can resolve their sins by simply confessing to them in church. Or counting thousands of hail marys. His hands and his soul will always be tainted with blood.

Somehow he got through the whole thing. He was about to run off the men’s room. To take a breathe and collect his thoughts.

Tony stopped him “What’s with your resting bitch face Rogers?” He snarked but was taken aback by the scowl he received “Fine go. Remember we have a meeting with the corporal.”

Which was what the whole ruse was all about. To appease the army. He was surprised at just how bad the whole world is, but he couldn’t even begin to comprehend the shitshow that the army had become.

He rubbed his face sprinting towards the balcony. To get some fresh air, be alone as long as he can before he has to go back to being Captain America.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t hear your footsteps, which his sensitive hearing really should’ve picked up on.

He turned the corner only bump into you. Making you fall on your ass.

“Why?” You gave him a look of betrayal as tears fell down your face. You wiped your cheek with the back of your hand kneeling and working on putting your desserts back in the box.

“Oh my god... ma’am I’m so sorry.” He apologized as soon as he registered what he had down. Crouching down before you to help you clean it up. But he doubted that you would be able to eat them.

“All my work.” You moaned looking up and meeting his eyes.

Your defeated face almost made him pull you into his arms. But it wouldn’t exactly be proper to do that to a stranger.

“Don’t call me ma'am!” You huffed as more tears escaped your eyes. “I’m not like 50!” You crossed your legs sitting on the floor and staring at your boxes.

“What should I call you then?” He asked his tone gentle and inquisitive. Truly curious to know what your name was.

“How about you call me nothing? You’ve done enough.” You frowned as you looked into his crystal blue hues. He was simply put beautiful.

You never thought that’s the adjective you’d use to describe a man, but that was all you could think of.

However his beauty didn’t excuse his actions. It certainly wouldn’t bring back the desserts you worked so hard on. So all you could do was be mad at him.

“I can pay for them.” He blurted out and then winced. You probably made them yourself. He can’t exactly replace them.

“It was the first time I truly baked. And now I’ll lose my job.” You sniffled tracing the frosting which was smeared on the floor with your finger. “And the Avengers will all go hungry...” You rambled your voice small. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry into a pillow.

You sneered at him as he chuckled. He immediately stopped pressing his lips into a straight line. “I doubt they’ll go hungry. I promise you won’t lose your job. No one has to know.” He reasoned. His plump rosy lips stretch into a smile, that must be worth at least a million dollars. His eyes creasing and yeah he really was beautiful.

You felt your anger resolving but decided to remain firm. To not let him work his charms on you. “They will call my boss when the delivery doesn’t arrive. And my boss will fire me!” You exclaimed spelling it out for him. Since he seemed to fit the stereotype of the dumb pretty blonde. Or was that exclusive to women?

“I can promise you no one will tell your boss.” He hesitated but then put his hand over yours in an effort to reassure you.

“What? How – how will you do that?” You asked getting more and more frustrated that he failed to understand just how grave this situation was for you.

“I uh... do have that kind of authority.” He said giving you a small nod. At least he could do some good with this ‘status' he held.

“Hm” You hummed still suspicious. But he was wearing a suit which looked expensive. His stance seemed that of someone who was powerful. His voice although soft held some stern undertones. “I – how do I believe you?” You asked and laughed at your misery as you realized you didn’t really have a choice.

Finally, pressing a palm on the floor you got up. Collecting your boxes. “It’s okay.” You sighed. “I guess I wasn’t really looking either. Whatever happens I’ll deal with it.” You said giving him a somber look.

“Uh – are you sure?” He stammered afraid he got you in trouble and couldn’t really do anything about it. Even more so that you were leaving and he’d probably never get to see you again.

“I’m not really a liar.” You shrugged as he stood up with you.

You didn’t have the opportunity to marvel at his tall stature, and how big he was compared to you. Or just big in general. You simple turned around your head hung low.

Only to look back at him over your shoulder. You tried to suppress a whimper, at just how hopeless you were, and asked “Which way is the elevator?”

Tags will be in the reblog! If you want in on the taglist click the link in the bio or shoot me an ask/dm.

Please note that my work is NOT to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

[tsukishumai]

Haikyuu boys at a music festival / Rave

A/N: I’m still sad about Coachella being cancelled this year... the line up was perfect (◕︵◕)

Warnings: adult content, mentions of (hard) drug use, pls don’t do these things irl if ur a minor (or at all i guess?)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

THE PROFESSIONAL RAVER –

Kuroo Tetsuro, Iwaizumi Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro, Semi Eita, Konoha Akinori, Suna Rintaro

Easily spotted due to the flag/totem pole they insist on carrying around. For some reason, knows all the security guards?? Won’t stop talking about how the festival three years ago in Shibuya was probably the best one he’s ever been to. The designated drug mule, cracks a joke or two about how the pills you’re taking was taped to his balls. Pre-game master, knows how to get everyone loose and having fun. You’ll catch them at the house or techno stage, shuffling the night away. You had no idea they even danced, but you don’t think he takes one break. Doesn’t drink, but won’t say no to some special k. He’ll 100% take his shirt off when his fav artists comes on stage. At multiple points in the night, he’ll throw his arms around his friends and say “I just love you guys.... soooooo fuckin much!”

PARENT OF THE GROUP –

Sugawara Koshi, Yaku Morisuke, Kai Nobuyuki, Ojiro Aran, Ennoshita Chikara, Akaashi Keiji

Constantly refilling the camelbak. Always always always reminding you to hydrate. Will be the one to make sure everyone’s together before moving on to the next stage. Wears one of those battery powered mini-fans around their neck to cool you down in case you get overheated. The one designated to carry the Vicks Inhaler(iykyk). First-aid kit on deck, complete with band-aids(you’re clumsy when you’re rolling), Tylenol, Pepcid (they be gettin Asian glow), Baby wipes and hand sanitizer at your beck and call. Will let you lay your head down on their lap while waiting for the artist to get on stage. Probably gives out free massages. Won’t roll or do any drugs, but will get smashed, maybe even a little cross-faded. “IF ANYONE GETS LOST, MEET UP AT THE FERRIS WHEEL!”

THE FIRST TIMERS –

Hinata Shoyo, Haiba Lev, Goshiki Tsutomu, Koganegawa Kanji, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Komori Motoya

Dragged out by the professional raver, probably had to lie to their parents about where they really were that weekend. Wants to go to every single stage and carries around the schedule with them. Has a wide-eyed expression on his face the whole day, thinks that this might be the best day of his life. Gets a little flustered at the fact that so many people are walking around half naked. Insisted on trying molly for the first time, even though everyone kept telling him no. Someone finally gave him a sip of molly water, and he wouldn’t stop bouncing the rest of the night. Won’t stop saying, “I loooove this song, bro!”

THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY –

Tanaka Ryunosuke, Nishinoya Yuu, Yamamoto Takinori, Oikawa Tooru, Tendou Satori, Miya Atsumu, Bokuto Kotaro , Terushima Yuuji

Took his pill too early, and started rolling in line. His roll wore off when everyone else was peaking, now he’s bugging everyone for an extra molly 😭 he said he’ll pay you back. Sporadically comes and goes. Promised a few other friend groups that he’d meet up with them for certain artists. Usually brings back a new person, becomes their best friend for one set, then leaves, only to come back with another stranger. Uses the term ‘rave bf/gf’. Has had their outfits planned out months in advance. All about the PLUR life – wears the brightest costumes, arms covered all the way up to their elbows in kandi, trading bracelets with any stranger that was willing to look their way. Considers themselves to be “part of the Art Installations.” Has 15365 new Instagram followers by the end of the weekend. “I’ll just meet you guys at the hotel later!” Comes back at 8 am.

THE VIP INFLUENCER –

Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma, Shirabu Kenjiro, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sakusa Kiyoomi, Futakuchi Kenji

Pays extra for VIP cause he’d rather die than be stuck in a crowd. Says he’s only there because “he knows someone in the band” (he doesn’t.) His outfit looks plain, but his shorts are actually $1,200 and the black t-shirt he’s wearing is $700. The only people he tags in his photos are the brands he’s wearing. Somehow gets invited to all the artist after parties. Only does expensive drugs, like cocaine and ecstasy. He says he can get you backstage, but won’t text you back the rest of the night. Has a ‘too cool to be here’ attitude, and will only lightly tap their finger to the rhythm. Really only went so they could say they were there.

THE LONG TIMERS –

Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi, Azumane Asahi, Matsukawa Issei, Kita Shinsuke, Miya Osamu

They’ve been there, done that – now all they really want is to enjoy the music. No longer interested in entering the mosh pit or head banging , perfectly content with being in the back of the crowd and next to the speakers (you can feel the bass better this way, anyway.) Doesn’t put too much thought into their outfits. Takes all his vitamins (B12, Calcium, D) before starting the day. He’ll pop a molly, and he might do shrooms if the vibe allows it. Will leave for the next stage before the set’s over in order to “avoid the crowd”.

[anxietysroomsupport]

i found out pushing doesn't work. that's what my sister does when she thinks something's wrong, she pushes that she wants to go to the doctor. eventually our parents give in. i think i mentioned it because i sent an ask here recently, but my joints have been giving me grief lately. several months ago my knees kept feeling like my bones were grinding when i put weight on them for a few days. more recently, in january i think, after spending an hour or two outside, my hips did the (1/?)

(2/?) the same, that night and for the next few days. sometimes it was fine, usually better mid morning, but other times i couldn't put wait on them. it felt like they were grinding, or going to give up on me. it's been happening longer where i feel like if i move the wrong way, something will pop out. i try to sit up and swing my legs and my hips yell at me with slight pain, so even though they would probably just pop, i wait till it stops, just in case. because i don't want to see (2/?)

(3/?) what would happen if they didn't. but recently, a week or two after i started these new exercises (my mom thinks it's related to that, which it may be slightly, but i don't think so completely), modified push ups so i could get better core strength and stuff, my joints have started popping. started feeling like they'll go out more often. and i mean popping loudly. i kneeled earlier in the process of sitting up, and my sister, who was talking and a few feet away, asked me if i (3/?)

(4/?) okay. it only hurt a little, it's more just the sensation of the popping, tiny pain. but my right knee sort of buzzed, like my elbow did yesterday. except yesterday, my elbow hurt. it felt, just from a random movement, like it actually popped out for a moment, or tried to, and my elbows are usually fine. if it's the exercises, i don't want to just give up my hopes. i want to be able to one day walk on my hands. i know i'd never get back into it after this, even if it's not the (4/?)

(5/?) problem. anyways, sorry, there's a lot to say, i'll try to hurry this up. recently after reading something they flared, when it started happening nearly every time i move, then went down a little, and have stayed that way for about a week. the exercises have been making me feel a little stronger, and i just don't think they're doing this. but, i kept mentioning it. my pain. asking if people could hear it. only my sister cares to listen. she always cares. always listens. (5/?)

(6/?) mental or physical health she's there for me. she keeps saying that i really should go to the doctor, so i keep asking. i mentioned the knee thing to my mom. she said she kept researching but couldn't find anything narrow enough to be diagnosable. that i should just wear the shoes that i can't stand, stop the exercises, start up again with walking when my body calms down, as if it will. i can't stop now. but i don't think she'll take me. i think i have to wait till something bad (6/?)

(7/?) especially after the thing i read, i don't want to wait. i don't want to ignore the signs. if i could save myself so much pain, why can't i try? just two or three days ago i was getting into school when my hip started to hurt. the hallways are one way, so i have to walk around nearly the entire school to get to my class, and i only had a few minutes to get there. i just told myself to keep walking. ignore the fact that i could barely put weight on my right leg. i had to get to (7/8)

(8/?) class. but pushing doesn't work. i pushed to go to the doctor. i got in an argument. i had stuff to do and i was starting to cry, so i just said i wouldn't bring it up anymore. i'd stop. my sister's an adult. i just realized i can ask her to take me. if another bad thing happens, i will. if they flare up again, i will tell my parents that i need to go to the doctor. if they won't, i'll ask my sister. i don't want to. i know my mom tries. she said normally she would, but covid. (8/?)

(9/?) but i have to go. maybe it's nothing, or maybe i will have to stop doing the exercises, and break my heart a little bit more as i give up on another goal. but i have to. i have to. i can't cripple myself for life because i wouldn't go. i have no idea what could happen to me one day or some day soon even if i don't. maybe i'm just overreacting and i'm fine and it's growing pains but i haven't grown in 1 1/2 years and it hurts. and i'm so so tired. been reading, sorry it's like prose (9/9).

~

I sent an ask about my joints recently? Yeah, well, this. yesterday I was hesitantly diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome, pretty wide across my body but mainly in my lower body. basically the doctor said, that since it's the best guess, I need to go to Physical Therapy and try to strengthen my tendons and joints. so obviously I'm so glad to have a solution, maybe not be in so much pain anymore, but at the same time, I like being a little bendy. I'm not stretchy, not good at gymnastics (1/2)

(2/2) or whatever, but I do like feeling a little different. so I guess it's just like, what if PT makes it so I'm not bendy anymore? is it like those metaphors where you break a stick, then put a bunch together and can't break it? or am I folding the stick in half, forsaking mobility for strength? and I don't think that a diagnosis for an actual chronic illness has hit me yet, I know I'll be more nervous when my first PT comes in 3 days, but I still feel normal.

~

Hypermobile anon here, I believe I said I wished it was something a little more for some reason? Yeah, well, good news, I don't anymore. My pain is like, I'm in so much pain, but not actually that much, and I know that I both am and aren't, and it doesn't actually feel like that much, but it is? My point is, tonight's been really bad and I'm starting to think it's good the friend I tend to go outside on walks and stuff with was busy. Also, my mom, in complimenting my drive, (1/2)

(2/2) said that while my sibling was told to do physical therapy to keep their hand working and didn't do it as much as they should, I was doing physical therapy regularly and faithfully to stop my joints from aching. I know my family, mostly my parents, has lots of issues and then just powers through, but you'd think that my mom, who has a bunch going on (allergies, diabetes, random undiagnosable stuff), would understand chronic illness. To her, my joints ache. Sorry, it's not actually too bad.

Hi Anon,

First thing, so so sorry for the delay on this one.  And it’s great that you have continued writing in with updates!

Thank goodness you did keep pushing and get your diagnosis (even if it may be a hesitant one)!  You really could have ended up struggling for a long time.  Arthritis would have been another guess if your doctor hadn’t come to Hypermobility Syndrome.

Hopefully your doctor is treating this seriously, but remember that if any doctor is trying to ignore your concerns, you can very clearly say to them, “If you’re not going to do tests I want it noted in my chart.”  

From the advice of a lot of chronically ill folks, it is also strongly recommended to get your vitamin levels checked, especially b12, iron, and vitamin d. These can actually cause joint symptoms if they’re low enough and lots of things can affect your absorption of them.

It is definitely still possible to build muscle and continue to be flexible.  It takes quite a lot of bulk to start limiting your range of movement, and physical therapy will probably be gradual enough that you can assess your flexibility as you go.

As far as feeling “normal”, having chronic illness actually is really common!  In 2012, the National Health Council stated that roughly 133 million people in the U.S. were dealing with some kind of chronic condition.

It is awful that you’re in so much pain.  Your doctor should also be helping you manage that, since strengthening your muscles isn’t going to be an immediate solution.  That takes time, but you’re in a lot of pain right now.  Anti-inflammatory painkillers can help with joint pain, and heat treatments like warm baths, hot water bottles, and heat-rub creams can be useful too.  Beyond that, you might need prescription treatments.

Your mom is probably just trying to encourage you, but it’s small comfort compared to the level of pain you’re dealing with.  People will often deal with chronic illness in different ways, especially different generations.  It might help to find groups online that are dealing with similar issues, or chronic conditions in general.  Places like reddit, facebook, etc will have groups or subreddits dedicated to creating a community, so you can share your experiences and find other people dealing with the same issues.  You might ask your physical therapist if there are any in-person or online support groups locally.  

You’ll have to find a way to manage your chronic illness, your way.  If your mom doesn’t understand it, don’t worry about her.  You got this.  And your sister’s got your back.  

-Kai, bun

[thepaininurneck]

so not to literally get on my Tumblr for no reason and vent some but I saw a TikTok today talking about how Tumblr affected them/treated their eating disorder so I wanted to add my two cents for any of you remaining pro-anas or whatever you’re fucking calling yourselves now that tumblr banned your stupid tag or whatever, I haven’t checked since I was 14 and I won’t be changin that.

I started restricting my eating when I was 14. I’ve never been as bad about it as some people and I quickly learned to avoid pro-ana content ( to the point of avoiding Tumblr entirely for a while ), but I still avoided food where I could and it caused a lot of fights with my parents. But I’ve always been a small kid, so when I stopped putting on weight, it wasn’t obvious. The only time anyone would notice something was when I was trying to eat a meal around them.

I wasn’t active, either. I was homeschooled and, after moving twice, I wasn’t in any sports or groups ( like Girl Scouts or whatever ), so I could stay home and do nothing. I didn’t need energy - I just stayed in bed all day and ate when I was forced to. I stayed at around 90 pounds from ages 14-16, with no changes to my lifestyle until early 2019. I think I was 5’5 when I started restricting my food, and I’m currently 5’8 and a big bag of bones.

The first thing I want to say is this: it’s not pretty. My body is boney and angular in a way that’s reminiscent of horror, you can count every rib and every plate of my spine with your eyes. I can stick a finger under my collarbone, and if I suck in a little, I can get my hand under my hipbones. I feel ugly and like I can���t be graceful: I wear baggy clothes constantly and if I wear revealing clothes they can’t show my arms, or my back, or I feel gross. My legs were a huge insecurity for me for years too, and up until I made some huge changes recently, I had a fairly big thigh gap and my knees were as bony as the rest of me. It’s not pretty. There is nothing gorgeous or attractive about being this underweight, and not only does it make me despise my physical appearance more, the effects it has on my health are bad too.

I had blood work done in November 2019 that showed I have low iron, b12, and d. I am constantly tired in a way that makes my bones ache, and I get dizzy and have to sit down a lot just from walking or leaning over a little bit. I feel sick, physically, and on bad days even my teeth ache. I’m always insatiably hungry but I can’t stomach much food and only certain textures are okay for me now. Thankfully I never started calorie counting, but portioning was an issue for me and I’m trying to use that to my advantage. It’s hard. I always feel like I can’t sleep enough, I get sick quickly if I do too much physical activity for too long, if I eat too much, if I think about food too much.....etc.

I started doing aerial silks in July 2019 thanks to a video Markiplier had posted a while prior. At first it went great - my first few lessons made me so sore I couldn’t notice what else was going on. It was doing these once weekly, one-hour lessons where I was spending at most 20 minutes on the apparatus that was making me faint and dizzy and sick and horribly tired in a way that felt wrong. I also developed lactose intolerance during this time, something that showed up completely randomly, but for all I know it could be because of how I was restricting myself. But that’s why I went and got the blood work, and a few months later in March 2020, I started really trying to gain weight again.

Let me tell you - I am miserable. I have been working since March to correct my eating habits and to gain weight and the last time I checked, I had gotten up to 107.5. I can, in a good mood, eat a plate of certain foods. Sometimes I’ll even manage three meals a day, an on really good days I can do a little extra. None of this feels like enough and I feel worthless because of it. In my class I am the tallest and the thinnest, and because of my awkwardly bony joints and thin upper body, I lack grace and beauty and look like a Halloween skeleton on a pole. I feel miserable, and cramps, and tired, and I often make myself sick pushing myself to try and be just a little prettier on the silks or to just try that drop one more time. Three days ago, I puked after a rough session at Open Aerial. I’ve spent the days since sleeping and can remember eating two meals max. Writing this down, my head hurts and I’ve forced down some food, but I’m tired of seeing posts in fucking 2020 glorifying eating disorders in any way - even seeing jokes, or comments made about not eating dinner, make my stomach clench and it reminds me of the four years I’ve wasted because of this shit. I can’t do what I love like this - aerial is too physically demanding for what I’m capable of, and what about long term? What about my girlfriend, my aspirations? They’re all incredibly out of reach because of this. Because I can’t stomach a full meal and if someone’s mean to me I won’t eat for three days.

My eating disorder has not been diagnosed professionally. I have considered seeking hospitalization but mine has never been life threatening. I have gone days without food, I’ve watched my portions and I’m miserable now. I feel disgusting and my body can’t hold its own heat. But there’s a million people who are worse than I am, and there’s a few that have lost their lives because of it. And for all all of us - recovering or not - seeing this shit glorified on social media is a slap to the face. It’s a disappointment to see the community even still exists, and a failure on the part of whoever owns Tumblr to not outright fucking ban it ( like it should’ve been in the beginning, before a whole generation of small teens found it.) and I hope that by explaining that I feel like my body is failing, my mental health has never been worse, and even my fucking teeth are suffering, I can get through to at least one idiot on this website and get it through their head that you will not be beautiful if you stop eating or even restrict yourself in a significant manner. You aren’t guaranteed to drop any fat, fat that you need on your body - it’ll stay. Your teeth will fall out, you’ll be fainting daily, but all that weight you’re trying to drop? It’ll stay. Depriving yourself and ruining yourself is not going to make you pretty.

I can continue on, I think. I’m really upset and I don’t think any of this stupidly long ramble makes sense, but here’s my last words for anyone considering doing this shit. Imagine the ugliest, worst version of yourself. Now amplify it - that’s how you’ll feel. You’ll feel nothing short of worthless.

And for anyone reading this in recovery, or having made it past that, I’m proud of you. It’s so hard to force myself to eat even one plate a day, much less trying to keep up with the exercise I force myself through, and the mental hoops you have to jump through to get past this mentality. It takes a lot of strength and resolve that I’m just now realizing is a learned skill. I hope you continue down the path of recovery and health and happiness.

[stormtrprinstilettos]

B12 + C2 with Brian as a oneshot please x

Yesterday was the first day everything I was sent was about Brian and I find that hilarious. I couldn’t get to this one last night, but here you go! I brought out dom!Brian because he doesn’t get a lot of play around here! And this could have been longer probably but I think the point has been made. 😏

B.12 Did you think of me when you were having sex with her/him? || C.2 Give me a little show.

(Under the cut because… yeah…)

He was angry. Seething. Pacing around the room, yelling at you as you sit on the bed as you worry about how this is all going to end. It’s not like you and Brian had ever committed to each other – it was all meant to be fun, at least that’s what it started as, but clearly the two of you started feeling more than just “fun.” In any other arrangement you’ve had like this, you were the one who kept your feelings bottled inside, but this time, he was the one who was hesitant to express his feelings because he didn’t want to scare you off. You wanted to play this one different. You didn’t want to lose Brian, so that’s why you never asked him to define what this relationship was.

And since nothing was ever defined, you didn’t feel it was wrong that you slept with that guy you met down at the pub a few weeks ago before Brian got home from this last tour. It wasn’t a one time thing. It happened a few times. You didn’t feel any guilt at all until 5 minutes ago when Brian found out about it. And the only reason he found out was because the guy called you, and Brian answered the phone, and now you’re having this massive argument about it.

“Did you think of me when you were having sex with him?” he yells, his face close to yours. You’ve never seen him this angry before. You can’t tell if it’s outright anger or because he’s hurt. It doesn’t matter. You start to cry. Clearly he feels – or at least felt – like there’s more to this relationship than hooking up whenever he’s home. “Did he fuck you as good as I do?”

“No,” you whisper. “No one does, Brian.”

“No one?” he yells. “So there’s been more than just this one?”

“Only one,” you whisper before you start to get angry, too. “Why does it matter so much? It’s not like we…”

He quickly holds his hand to your mouth, stopping you from saying anything else. “Do not finish that statement,” he growls. He backs away and sits in the chair that’s in the corner of your room and smirks. “Did they make you cum like I do?” His tone is soft, yet forceful. Angry, yet calm. You shake your head no, confused by his sudden change in demeanor. He smirks and chuffs. “Well, I’m not making you cum tonight.”

You understand. No sex tonight. You understand completely. You were expecting it when he came over, but there’s no way it’s happening now. He’s angry. You’re surprised he hasn’t left yet.

“You’re going to take care of that yourself,” he tells you as he adjusts himself to sit more comfortably. You look at him, shocked and unsure about what he just told you. “Well? Go on. Give me a little show.” You stand up from the bed, slowly, still not sure what he wants, but you don’t have to worry about that for too long. He’s going to tell you exactly what he wants you to do. “Take off your shorts, Y/N.” You slowly slide them down and step out of them.” He chuckles deeply. “Those, too,” he smirks, pointing to your undies, so you do. You start to walk to him but he doesn’t want that. “No,” he says, forceful yet calm. “Back on the bed.”

You back up and start to giggle. “Brian, I don’t…”

“Shhh,” he says with a finger to his lips, his brows slightly crinkled. “No talking.” You back up further until you feel the back of your legs hit the bed, and you slowly sit down, scooting your self back until your feet are resting on the bed. He waves his hand. “Show me,” he whispers. “Show me how you want me to touch you.” You’re feeling a little nervous. He’s managed to draw you out of your comfort zone before, but this? He’s never asked you for this before. You slowly, hesitating, move your hand between your legs and he smirks. He stands up from the chair and kneels down in front of you, not touching you, just watching. You look into his eyes as you start to rub yourself softly and shoot him a smirk back, all of your discomfort about this quickly vanishing. He moves closer, still not touching you, but close enough for you to feel his breath on your thighs. “Play with your clit,” he whispers. “I know you like when I do that.” You do what he says, and the excitement of this whole situation is almost too much for you to bear. You start to twitch with every move, and he notices. He stands up in front of you, his eyes not leaving yours, and he bends over, seemingly to kiss you, but he doesn’t. “Don’t stop doing that,” he whispers, resting his hands on each side of you and looking back down to watch your fingers work. “Are you thinking about me now?” You quickly nod your head, the only sound escaping you is the sound of your heavy breathing. “When I’m not here and you need me, this is what you do, not someone else,” he whispers in your ear. “Understand?” You nod your head again, your breathing becoming even heavier. Right before you’re about to cum, he quickly stands up and walks to your bedroom door. You suddenly stop, so close to achieving your climax, wondering what he’s doing now. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says with another one of those slick smirks he’s been flashing you this whole time as he turns and walks out the door.

Here you go, @onevision198091 😂

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 3: All the Sides of Cooking

This one took a little longer, as I had some blockings during the process and a lot of research to do. As always, remember that this fanfic ignores any entry after “Embarrasing Phases”. This one is lighter in tone, so no particular warnings to be pointed out, other than a brief appearance of Deceit, if it could be a trigger to anyone.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas has been training hard to get in a good shape, so he decides to indulge himself with a candy party. When Logan advises him against it, Thomas decides instead that, since Joan and Talyn are coming over for dinner, he’s gonna make a healthy vegan pizza for them. Thomas and the Sides travel to the Mind Palace Kitchen to make the pizza together as a rehearsal.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas and Joan are in the living room. Joan looks at Thomas with a neutral face. Thomas sports a happy unconcerned smile]

THOMAS: Hello, everyone. We’ve just returned from a little running. We bet who would be the one who would make two turns around the neighborhood in the shortest amount of time. The loser has to go through a punishment chosen by the winner in front of the camera right now. [looks at Joan, smiling. Joan looks at Thomas with the same neutral face. Thomas looks at the camera smiling] Wanna guess who won?

[Thomas keeps the same frozen smile which at this point has started looking a bit creepy, while he pulls out a carrot. His smile fades away when he takes a huge bite. He chews it with a crunchy sound and a disgusted face. When he swallows it, he retches a bit and looks at Joan with a supplicant face]

JOAN: [unimpressed] You were going to tickle me for five minutes if I had lost. This at least will be faster. All of it!

[Thomas moans a bit with a pouty face, then bites the carrot again.]

[intro sequence]

THOMAS: What is up, everybody?  I don't know if you have noticed, but I have been taking in the last few months a trend to take care of my body. Mainly because I want to be healthy, but also, why not, to get on a better shape for the spring that is just around the corner. That’s a pleasant bonus of being healthy and a good reward for all the sacrifices that must be made, isn’t it?

LOGAN: [rising up] And I give you my congratulations, Thomas. You’re getting excellent results thanks to following all my planning and notifications. Don’t thank me, I know I’m good.

ROMAN: [rising up] And I’m filled with joy, Thomas. Thanks to you being fit, I can make the most of myself in my princely quests and rescues.

VIRGIL: [rising up, with a mischievous smirk] I don’t think getting your rag bunny, Mrs. Fluffy Bottom, from the highest shelf of the tallest shelving can count as a “princely rescue”.

ROMAN: [giving a dirty look to Virgil] And how did you know that Mrs. Fluffy Bottom was there? [pointing at him with an over-dramatic cracking voice] It was you who took my bunny from my doll castle and put it there, wasn’t it!? Again!?

VIRGIL: [ignoring him] Anyway, yes, Thomas, it was worthy to endure all the moments of agony and angst [pointing at Thomas’ body] to get this result, so congratulations.

THOMAS: [flattered] Gee, thanks, guys.

PATTON: [rising up, yelling overly excited of joy] Now, it’s time for a candy partyyyy!

THOMAS: [happy] Yessss!

LOGAN: Wait, what? No!

PATTON, THOMAS: [overlapping moaning in disappointment] Awwww!

LOGAN: Thomas, you must stay strong! If you start eating all kinds of junk food now, you’re gonna lose everything you’ve gained!

THOMAS: [squealing begging voice] But… it’s only this once!

LOGAN: [firm voice] One moment in your mouth, one eternity in your tummy! No, Thomas, you must never, ever, overindulge yourself!

ROMAN: [ironic] Said the one who doesn’t devour eleven jars of Crofter’s per day, including the ones I bought for myself. [talking to himself] I think I should put a padlock on my door when I get out of my room.

LOGAN: I don’t have a physical appearance, Roman, therefore what I eat doesn’t affect me in the slightest. It’s your health, Thomas, what is on the spot. You must keep eating healthy, [counting with his fingers] every hour of every day of every week of every year of all the rest of your life!

[Thomas shows a face of huge angst]

VIRGIL: [demonic voice, with his hood on, in an angry mood] Would you mind stop meddling with my job? [back to normal voice, while taking the hood off, still angry] I am Thomas’ Anxiety, not you, and you always overdo it!

LOGAN: Sorry. But the point remains the same. [to Thomas] No candy parties, mister!

PATTON: Logan, that’s a bit… excessive. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in giving ourselves a little whim from time to time.

THOMAS: He’s right, Logan. I know that eating healthy is paramount, but even in the strictest of diets there are moments of relax. There’s almost no bad food per se, only the quantity and frequency of what we eat is what must be taken into account. As long as I keep having a varied and balanced diet, and I don’t forget to accompany it with exercise, health won’t suffer.

LOGAN: You may be right, Thomas, but I know Patton. He has no self-control when it is about sweet,  both physical and figurative. He’s gonna push you into eating tons of candy, and you’re gonna let yourself fall at his feet. Even if I took my glasses off I could see it.

THOMAS: Do you think I don’t have any willpower at all? No, Patton, as I said, balance is the key. Too much candy is not healthy. So don’t even think about it, okay?

PATTON: [sighs] Fiiine…. So… [happy] Candy party?

THOMAS: [happy] Candy party!

PATTON: Yaaayy!

LOGAN: Okay. If you think it’s mandatory to have this session of indulgement, so be it, but before that, we must take into account what comes next.

THOMAS: What do you mean?

LOGAN: You’re gonna ingest a lot of calories on these candies, calories that are most of them based on pure simple carbohydrates, that is, sugar that is quickly absorbed and is on a huge risk of turning into fat. Your next meal will need to be low in carbs and higher in other nutrients to compensate.

THOMAS: Can you elaborate?

LOGAN: Thomas, do you think I’m your cook or something? Now you know how to cook, so you can elaborate your meals yourself.

THOMAS: [sighs] I meant your exposition, Logan, not the meal.

LOGAN: Oh. Certainly. The recommended proportions of each type of food that should be ingested each day for a balanced diet is… [pulls out a cardboard with a graph] 50 percent of vegetables, 25 percent of proteins and 25 percent of carbs. Since your serving of carbs for the day is already covered by the candy party, your dinner must contain around 67 percent of vegetables and 37 percent of proteins. It wouldn’t still be a perfect meal for the day as the carbs you’re gonna ingest are not the best, but it will work out. But don’t make a habit out of it, Thomas. It’s better to eat complex carbs, like the ones from rice, pasta and other cereals, which are absorbed slowly and give you energy gradually when you need it, especially if they’re wholegrain, rather than the simple carbs from these sweets, which don’t have any nutritionally useful value. They call them empty calories for a reason, after all.

THOMAS: Okay… So, Patton is already served with sweets in a few minutes, but what should I have for dinner tonight? Any suggestions?

LOGAN: I would go for anything that contains phosphorus and vitamin B12, which are good for the adequate functioning of the brain. I suggest a ration of sardines or, if you can afford it, crayfish.

ROMAN: I’d like some good old proteins. My muscles won’t build themselves up without good building blocks, right? Perhaps some chicken breast or beef steak?

VIRGIL: Don’t forget some greens, Thomas. Folic acid and vitamins like B9 are good against depression and they would help me ease my work by reducing your charge of anxiety. Maybe some spinach?

THOMAS: Wow, suddenly everyone here has become a nutritionist?

VIRGIL: Well, it’s good to know the essentials related to our jobs, including what we should eat to perform better, isn’t it?

ROMAN: Plus, we asked Logan about it a while ago. I’ve been studying and memorizing.

THOMAS: Ah, gotcha. Well, Joan and Talyn are coming for dinner tonight. Joan is pescetarian and Talyn is vegan. They will be fine with Virgil’s suggestion, but what options would be better to maintain the same nutritious values while avoiding meat in the case of Joan and anything of animal origin in the case of Talyn?

ROMAN: Well, in the case of Joan, tuna fish is a good source of protein.

PATTON: Speaking about tuna fish, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tu…

LOGAN: [angry] If you tell that lame joke one more time, I swear I’m gonna place hot candies between the sweet ones, and then I’ll laugh too!

THOMAS: Don’t you dare, Logan! I’m eating those too!

VIRGIL: Well, in reality you’re eating them all, so…

THOMAS: Okay, what about Talyn, Roman? They won’t want tuna fish.

ROMAN: True. Well, it’s true that the best proteins are from animal origin, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find them on non animal food. [looks subtly down in his hand direction, then with fake voice as if he was reading something] Um… For instance, soy is the best source of non animal protein, it is the base of the renowned tofu. Pumpkin seeds are a close second, followed by beans, chickpeas and lentils. Legumes in general are a good source of protein. Soy un príncipe estúpido. Card copyrighted by Logan… What?

[Virgil and Logan chuckle]

THOMAS: [confused] What?

ROMAN: [his face turns red] Okay, you got me. [pulls out some vocab cards] It is impossible for me to remember all of that by heart, so I asked Logan to write me some vocab cards with the basics, and I accidentally read the credits [giving a dirty look to Logan] and something that wasn’t credits.

LOGAN: [subtle mischievous chuckle] I knew that was gonna happen and I couldn’t wait to see it. That’s what you get for not studying your notes.

PATTON: [mumbling with a squeeing voice] I’m so proud that you schooled him with a joke…

THOMAS: Okay, Logan, what about the phosphorus you wanted?

LOGAN: Joan will be fine with the sardines, I think. As for Talyn, a good idea would be chickpeas or artichokes, or a garnish based on certain nuts or dried fruits, like dried grapes, plums and figs, or almonds, peanuts, pistachio… There are options for them to choose, certainly.

THOMAS: Cool. Now the point is, I don’t think sardines and meat are exactly the best combination, except on one Joan’s horror smoothies, and that’s not a compliment.

LOGAN: Thomas, who’s said that we have to eat everything at the same time? It’s obvious that we cannot cover all the existing nutrients at the same time in a single meal. We only show you the options. Now you must make a choice of what to eat, as always.

THOMAS: You know what? I suddenly had an idea. Pizza!

LOGAN: Sorry, Thomas. Pizza is high on carbs from the dough.

THOMAS: Doh!

PATTON: I do like pizza… But I like candy too… I don’t know.

THOMAS: I do like candy, Patton, but we cannot have everything. Could we have some pizza for dinner tonight? I’d love to have pizza with my friends, that would be an enjoyable party too. Besides, we could have the candy party next month.

PATTON: I mean…

THOMAS: Besides, I want to make the pizza myself to include all the ingredients we discussed. And here’s my suggestion. Would you all like to rehearse how to make the pizza with me in the Mind Palace?

PATTON: [gasps] I love that idea!

ROMAN: Me too!

VIRGIL: Count me in.

LOGAN: It would be a great way of giving yourself a treat without renouncing to eating healthy, so additional affirmation.

THOMAS: Then it’s settled! Off to the Mind Palace! Roman, do you lend us a hand?

ROMAN: Certainly! Let’s go the Palace Kitchen!

[Roman snaps his fingers, and the next second Thomas and the Sides appear in a huge kitchen like the ones from professional restaurants]

THOMAS: Wow! This place is huge!

ROMAN: Of course it is. In the Palace we only eat the best of the best imaginary food you can never eat. By the way, guys, I don’t think we’re appropriately dressed for cooking. But I can fix that in a snap.

[Roman snaps his fingers and Thomas and the Sides suddenly appear dressed with cooking uniforms. Logan’s uniform is a white jacket like those worn by professional chefs, Patton is dressed with an apron decorated with a drawing of an anime style cat getting cookies out of an oven, Virgil is wearing a white uniform and a white beret and in his chest the words “kitchen helper”, Roman is wearing a white uniform with a tall classic chef hat. Thomas is wearing a short chef hat and a white apron with a red star like the one from his Steven Universe shirt.]

THOMAS: Wow, you surely were fast in choosing our clothing, Roman. And you, guys, look awesome!

ROMAN: Thank you, Thomas. I deliver only the best.

LOGAN: This outfit is adequate. Very professional and serious, even without a necktie.

ROMAN: Oh, the necktie is under the jacket, Logan. You don’t want to get it dirty, do you?

LOGAN: [checking out] Oh, you’re right. Now I love it.

PATTON: This apron is so cute! I love cats!

THOMAS: It’s so you, Patton.

VIRGIL: [angry] Why does my outfit read “Kitchen Helper”?

ROMAN: Well, we need someone to help us cut things, heat pans, ovens, etcetera. It’s not gonna get done itself, you know?

VIRGIL: And why don’t you do that for a change? Why do I always have to be the techie in every group work we do?

THOMAS: Don’t worry, Virgil. There’s not gonna be a helper in this task. We’re all gonna be cooking in equal parts. Besides, that’s what’s fun about it!

PATTON: Yayy!

THOMAS: Okay, let’s get cooking. First we need to make the dough. We’re gonna need flour, water, salt and yeast. We mix the ingredients and then knead it well.

PATTON: [yelling with a happy yet a bit maniacal face] Flour! [Throws a whole bag of flour in a bowl, rising a huge cloud that makes Logan sneeze] Water! [puts the bowl under the tap and fills it with a huge amount of water. Virgil and Roman watch the scene in horror] Salt! [pours a whole handful of salt in the bowl] And yeast! [opens a package of yeast and pours everything in] And we knead it! [puts his arms furiously in the bowl and starts kneading it, or rather throwing everything in all directions]

THOMAS: Stop it! Stop it! Pump the brakes, Patton!

PATTON: [stops, with his arms in the bowl] What?

LOGAN: Patton, doesn’t the word “proportions” [pulls out a vocab card] ring a bell to you? We need specific measures of each ingredient so that the dough will work out.

PATTON: [the bowl and the mess disappear] Sorry.

THOMAS: I wish my real kitchen could be cleaned so easily when I do a mess.

VIRGIL: [sighs] Don’t worry. [mumbling] Can’t believe it’s me who’s said that… [normal voice] I already added the measures to the bowl. Now you only have to knead it.

THOMAS: Thank you, Virgil, you’re so efficient.

VIRGIL: Of course I am. I always take all of you out of the bad situations you put yourselves into, remember?

PATTON: [smiling] That’s my boy!

THOMAS: Okay, Patton, do you think you can knead it without throwing it all everywhere? Put your arms in and knead it gently but firmly, until you have a homogeneous dough that doesn’t stick too much to your fingers. Got it?

PATTON: Got it, kiddo!

[Patton starts kneading the dough]

THOMAS: Now, with that on its way, it’s time for the next step. Roman, you always say you’re on top of the world, right?

ROMAN: [with a princely pose] Do you doubt it?

THOMAS: Cool, because you’re gonna be in charge of the topping. Start heating that pan and fry a can of crushed tomato. Add it some garlic powder and oregano.

ROMAN: Okay…

THOMAS: Logan, what properties does tomato have?

LOGAN: Oh, the good old solanum lycopersicum. It has a lot of properties. It contains vitamins like C, A, K, iron and potassium. Curiously enough, it’s one of the few vegetables that has more properties cooked than raw, as, even if it loses part of its content in vitamin C when cooked, the cooking also breaks the fibers in the tomato and frees all its content of lycopene, a great antioxidant, so that it can be absorbed by the human body.

THOMAS: Interesting. Virgil, would you mind peeling and cutting some onions?

VIRGIL: Thank God my eyeshadow is waterproof today… Okay, as you command, Thomas.

THOMAS: How are you going, Patton?

PATTON: This is going good, Thomothy. [showing a figurine of a dog] Look, I made a dog with the dough!

LOGAN: [annoyed] Patton, that’s dough, not Play-doh! You must make a round ball out of the dough.

PATTON: [sighs] Fine…

THOMAS: But is the dough homogeneous as I told you?

PATTON: Yes, Thomas.

THOMAS: Great, then when you’re done making the ball, spread some olive oil on all its surface, put it inside that bigger bowl and cover the bowl with film. And let the dough ferment and grow. It has to rest there until it doubles its size.

PATTON: Right, kiddo.

THOMAS: Logan, I want to make a pizza that the three of us can eat, so do you mind if I don’t put fish?

LOGAN: As you wish, Thomas.

THOMAS: Okay, then. Logan, start chopping some green and red peppers.

LOGAN: Ah, good source of vitamin C.

THOMAS: And Virgil, you slice some mushrooms.

LOGAN: Excellent. Mushrooms have the phosphorus that I need, among other stuff.

THOMAS: Glad to hear that, Logan. Virgil, cook the peppers and the onion in that pan with oil and then add the mushrooms and those spinach over there. You must cook it all until it’s almost done, but not completely, as cooking will be completed in the oven later. Roman, how is the tomato sauce going?

ROMAN: I think this is worthy of a king, Thomas Ramsey. Ready when you’re ready.

THOMAS: Fantastic, remove it from the fire, then. Patton, how is the dough going?

PATTON: It’s already doubled its size, Thomas.

THOMAS: What? Already? It should have taken half and hour at least.

ROMAN: Thomas, all of this is imaginary. Time is not a constraint in imagination.

THOMAS: You’re right. Well, then bring it here, Patton. I’m gonna extend the dough to form the pizza base. [Thomas gets the ball out of the bowl and pours some flour on the table] Some flour on the table… And let’s do it.

[Thomas extends the dough with a rolling pin until it looks like a proper pizza base]

THOMAS: I’ll put it in this oven plate. I’ll spread some oil on it, so it doesn’t get sticked… I’ll put it in the oven for a few minutes so that it gets ready to put the topping. How are we going with the other ingredients, Virgil?

VIRGIL: It’s all ready, Thomas.

[A ding is heard]

PATTON: The pizza base is ready, Thomas… [Patton burns is hands when he tries to get the plate with his bare hands] Ouch!

THOMAS: Patton! Step out! [Patton accidentally touches the plate and burns his arm] Step out of the oven if you keep getting burnt! I’ll do it.

[Thomas puts on some gloves and gets the pizza base out of the oven, then puts it in the table]

THOMAS: Okay, this is ready… Patton, are you okay?

PATTON: [with his hands under the stream of water] Nice to meet you, Ready, I’m Dad! Yes, Thomas, it was nothing.

THOMAS: Okay, you stay there while we mount the pizza. Roman, the sauce.

ROMAN: Yes, chef!

[Roman gives Thomas the tomato sauce and Thomas spreads it on the base]

THOMAS: Mmm… it smells good. Now, the stir-fry.

[Virgil gives him the contents of the pan, and Thomas carefully puts them on the pizza, distributing them all over the surface]

THOMAS: And now, the final touch, some vegan cheese all over it.

[Thomas puts the cheese all over the pizza]

THOMAS: Done. Now, back to the oven until it’s done.

[Thomas puts the pizza back in the oven]

THOMAS: And now we wa…

[A ding is heard]

LOGAN: Thomas, you don’t have to wait in the Mind Palace, we told you.

THOMAS: Oh, that’s right! Well, here it is.

[Thomas takes out the perfectly cooked pizza]

THOMAS: Oh, my goodness! It looks delicious!

PATTON: It really does!

ROMAN: Mmm, that smell is great…

VIRGIL: It looks really good, guys.

LOGAN: And to top it all, it’s healthy and both Joan and Talyn will love it. Now, the question is…

[Suddenly the light goes off, Roman screams with Talyn’s voice]

LOGAN: Roman! You screamed right in my ear! It hurts!

ROMAN: Sorry, Logan, I still hate the dark!

[The light then goes back on and the pizza is gone. All the Sides and Thomas gasp and look in all directions]

THOMAS: Hey, where did the pizza go!?

ROMAN: No fair!

PATTON: I’m hungry!

VIRGIL: It’s okay, Patton, we’ll find out what happened and make another one later. What were you going to say, Logan?

LOGAN: Oh, yes. The question is, Thomas, will you be able to do the pizza on your own in real life later?

THOMAS: Oh, I won’t be doing it on my own, Logan. Joan and Talyn are going to help me. It will be fun for all of us, and the feeling of accomplishment is really rewarding!

ROMAN: Okay, then let’s get out of here.

[Roman snaps his fingers and they all appear back in the living room]

THOMAS: This was a fun experience. I wish I could cook real food with you, guys.

ROMAN: [sinking down] At least we have cooked together. We have to repeat the experience another time.

VIRGIL: [sinking down] I’m gonna go clean the kitchen. You all came out so quickly we forgot, and now it’s a mess.

PATTON: [sinking down] I’m going with you, kiddo, I’ll be glad to help.

THOMAS: [confused] Won’t the kitchen clean itself like before?

LOGAN: Don’t ask. Well, good luck with your cooking evening. I’m glad that at least we avoided the candy party and you learned some nutritional facts.

THOMAS: We didn’t avoid the candy party, Logan, we have only postponed it.

LOGAN: [sighs] Fine… Remember the times, Thomas, it won’t be as fast in real life. [sinking down] And don’t forget to do the next session of exercise a little longer to compensate!

THOMAS: All right, Logan… [to the camera] It is important to be conscious of what we eat. We are what we eat, and if we eat healthy, we will be healthy ourselves. But it is also important to understand that, except if you’re allergic to something, of course, there are no forbidden foods. We can eat almost anything as long as the less healthier foods are not eaten with too much frequency and we keep a balanced diet that involves all necessary nutrients. Also, there is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, pescetarian, vegan or any other option. It’s true that you’ll have to be more careful to get all the nutrients you need, but if you learn and apply that discipline, go ahead with it and be whatever you wanna be, and don’t listen to those who might try to ridicule you or don’t understand your life choices. In the end, your life is yours and only yours, and only you must decide what to do with it as long as you don’t hurt yourself. Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[ending card. Thomas, Joan and Talyn are in the kitchen getting the pizza out of the oven]

THOMAS: Aaaand, here it is!

TALYN: It looks gorgeous, Thomas!

JOAN: I can’t wait to eat this f… [bleep] baby! Where did you learn this recipe, Thomas?

THOMAS: Oh, I just practiced it in the Mind Palace with my friends…

[There’s a silence in the room. Joan and Talyn get serious and look at Thomas]

JOAN: Thomas, I thought we were over this. These people you call Sanders Sides are not real.

TALYN: You’re starting to worry us, Thomas. Are you sure you’re okay?

THOMAS: I’m fine, guys, don’t worry. [mumbling] I don’t know why I talked about the Sides so carelessly…

[Joan and Talyn look at each other with a worried face, then look at Thomas, who is unconcerned, slicing the pizza. Then, there’s another scene on the Dark Realm. Deceit is there, eating the whole pizza by himself]

DECEIT: [looking at the camera, breaking the fourth wall] What? Don’t I deserve some me time too? I’m sure nothing wrong will happen if Thomas can’t tell lies for a few minutes… [bites another portion of pizza with delight] Oh, this is not so good!

[scornedlove]

Chapter Seventeen

Robyn

It was happening again. After almost a year of not having crazy dreams, I was having nightmares again.

This time, I dreamt I was getting married. I was walking down the aisle with happy tears because everything was so beautiful and all my friends and family were there. When my veil was lifted, I was standing in front of Chris. We say our vows and kiss. When we turn and face the crowd, everyone stands up and applauds except for Melanie, who is shaking her head with her arms crossed and a pregnant woman in the front row, who looks too big to stand, even if she wanted to. She’s sitting next to Joyce with her head down and her shoulders are shaking as if she’s crying. I squeeze Chris’ hand tighter to grab his attention and point the woman out to him, but when I look back at her, she’s gone. We walk down the aisle and out of the church to a motorcycle that has just married on the back of it, with ribbon and flowers flowing down the back. We both hop on the motorcycle while everyone’s yelling congratulations and blowing kisses at us. Before pulling off, Chris decides to pop a wheely and I fall off the motorcycle in my big ass, white gown, so I’m standing there yelling at him while he’s still driving. Then, in front of my eyes, a truck crashes into to him, and my eyes pop open. It was a horrible nightmare and I always woke up just as the truck crashes into him.

It was like hearing from Chris resurfaced energy it took me forever to bury. Maybe it was because I unintentionally stood him up. With everything that was going on with Rayven, I had completely forgotten about Chris that entire week. By the time I remembered, it felt foolish to try and apologize a week later, so I didn’t.

Nevertheless, today was the third time I’ve had this dream in the past month and each time I was in bed with Dre, thank God he didn’t wake up this time. It took him a week to stop asking me if I was okay the last time, when he witnessed the night sweats. 

Instead of having breakfast with Dre, like I usually did after crashing at his place, I decided to get up and get an early start on my day. I joined a gym in my neighborhood a few weeks ago and had been coming three days a week since.

It was a nice, comfortable environment and I'd already met a cool chick who was on a strict workout plan, preparing to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding. She was usually halfway through her session when I got there, but that didn't stop us from having a little friendly competition.

"Good morning Robyn. You're here earlier than usual” she smiled brightly as sweat glistened on her forehead.

“Mornin Katy” I replied, as I shoved my glasses, hat, and phone in a locker.

“I’ve already done my six miles, thanks to that B12 injection I got yesterday" she announced, following me to the floor and sitting on the squat machine next to me. “I’m telling you, that stuff is a game changer, and I’m gonna need all the energy I can get, so I can be nice and tight for that dress.”

"I absolutely hate injections and needles” I frowned at the thought “Well...unless I’m getting a tattoo” 

“I swear people who have the most tattoos are the most pussy when it comes to injections” she laughed shaking her head. “What’s up though? You seem kind of down today?”

“I’m just a little tired” I replied, forcing a smile as I put some ten-pound weights on the bars.

“Oh, our eye candy isn’t here yet. He usually wakes you up, you seem to sweat a little harder on the days he’s here” she teased, referring to one of the trainers.

“Yeah, his smile sure does give me a little picker upper” I grinned, thinking of the last time he was here. He was training some girl who already had a perfect body, probably a model, and it was funny to watch him sweat as she kept bending over directly in front of him, obviously wanting a different kind of workout.

“Speak of the sexy little devil, here he comes now” she nodded towards the entrance.

“How are you ladies today?” he asked with a smile, locking eyes with me as he walked past us. 

“Oh, we’re good now that you’re here” Katy winked and I could see his cheeks turn a little pink as he chuckled softly, but kept it moving.

“You are pitiful, leave that baby alone. I’m sure he gets enough of that from these tiny little 'models' he’s always training. I would be jumping at the chance to have him as a trainer too, if he were a decade older” I laughed. We worked out together for another half hour, people watching and laughing about the ones who were obviously here just to post it on social media.

After Katy left, I jogged three miles of my own, then hit the showers. I always felt ten times better after my workout, it put me in a singing mood. Today’s jam was ‘Girl on Fire’ by Alicia Keys.

“You have a beautiful voice” someone pointed out, scaring the shit outta me while I was digging for lotion in my locker. I thought I was the only one in the locker room.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he grinned at how hard I jumped.

“Boy, do you know I could’ve slapped the shit outta you” I replied, clutching my chest.

“Who’s to say I wouldn’t have enjoyed it?” he asked raising his eyebrow.

“Don’t do that” I ordered, pulling the rest of my things from my locker.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Don’t flirt with me. I’m old enough to be your mama, or at least ya damn auntie” I replied, and he burst into laughter.

“You’re hella gorgeous and funny. I like that”

“Thank you” I smiled as our eyes connected.

"That was a nice workout you did today, but when you're ready for the real deal, let Quincy know” he stated, patting his chest. “I can help you on your form" He licked his lips, then proceeded to undress me with his eyes, and that was my cue to leave.

“Enjoy the rest of your day Quincy, and try not to scare the shit outta anyone else” I called over my shoulder.

After the gym, I had a doctor’s appointment to rush to. I was beyond nervous because I was here for lab results. I came a few days ago for a routine pap smear, but ended up getting a lot of other testing done too. I was wondering if it was possible for me to get pregnant again, even though I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. It’s just something that’s been heavy on my heart, so I wanted answers.

My palms were sweaty and my stomach churned as I waited for the doctor to come in. I just felt bad news coming and it made me anxious.

"Hey Mrs. Fenty, how are you doing today?

"Nervous"

"Well I have the answers to your questions right here" he stated, flipping through a stack of papers.

He went over my lab results and hysteroscopy with me and broke everything down to simpler terms.

"So overall, you're healthy. Your uterus did sustain a lot of scar tissue from the previous injury, which dramatically lowers your chances of being able to carry a baby again"

"what does that mean?"

"you will probably have no problem getting pregnant, but it's not very likely you'll ever make it past the first trimester again. If you and your husband are considering kids, it may be better to use a surrogate"

"Oh no, I just wanted to know. I'm not married and I'm not trying to get pregnant, I just wanted to know where I stood"

"Well if you ever decide to go that route, let me know. I know a good doctor"

I was supposed to have dinner with Dre and his mom tonight, but after my appointment, I wasn't in the mood to slap on a fake smile. Dre reads through that shit instantly, which means I would have to explain why I was in a sour mood. So instead, I went home and drank a bottle of Chardonnay to myself. This is the closest you get to a pity party" I told myself as I rolled a blunt. 

I took it easy the rest of the weekend. I just sat at home with Ollie and Pepe, watching TV and eating junk. When Monday morning came, I'd gotten all the pity out of my system and was ready to work off that extra 5 pounds I gained overnight.

"Good morning. Are you ready to work on that form?" Quincy greeted me bright and early with that big ass smile he always had. It was eerily quiet with only one other person working out this morning, but that didn’t make him any less jolly.

"As a matter of fact, I am" I replied, catching him off guard. Still, that didn't stop him from coming through with the good advice. We had a thirty-minute session, but when it was over, I was drenched in sweat.

I walked a couple of miles to cool down then took at quick shower so I could avoid rush hour on the way to work. John was a good driver, but no one stood a chance against rush hour traffic.

"Thanks for the pointers today" I smiled when Quincy walked in the locker room. “I really feel the burn” 

"My pleasure" he smiled, licking his lips. I swear he was doing that shit on purpose.

“Do you mind helping me out with my necklace?" I asked, after it slipped through my fingers for the third time.

"Of course" he replied, taking it in his hand and putting it around my neck. "You smell really good"

"Thanks"

“No problem” he whispered so softly, that he made the hairs on the back of my neck stand and sent shivers down my spine. My body shook involuntarily causing me to bump into him and I accidentally felt his manhood.

“Oh my God. I’m sorry. That tickled and I got the chills, I’m so sorry” I apologized repeatedly. I was embarrassed, but more impressed than anything. He had basketball shorts on so I felt everything. I couldn’t believe it was rock hard and a nice size at that.

“Hey girl, I woke up late today and-” Katy immediately paused, feeling the tension in the air.

“It was good working with you today, let me know when you’re ready for more” Quincy winked, leaving me to face Katy’s curious expression, and adding even more to the flame with that wink.

Chris

“Wow. This is beautiful. What do you call it?” Tae asked, as soon as we entered my bedroom. She came to the city this weekend, for my art exhibition and couldn’t get enough. She wanted to see more, so I invited her over to see some of the things I painted in my new home.

“Monster. I painted this in one night. I couldn’t sleep, so I found myself painting with no end in mind, this was the finished product” I explained.

“You are really talented. Her eyes are so intense” she continued in awe. “And look at her lips”

“Look at your lips” I replied, licking my own, then leaning in and kissing hers. It was bold, but I could tell she wanted it, because she wasted no time slipping her tongue in my mouth.

“Damn” she grinned, after I pulled back. “That was unexpected”

“In a bad way or a good way?”

“In a great way, but I might as well tell you now. I’m celibate, so that’s about as far as you’re gonna get without a ring on my finger”

“Whoa, I wish you would’ve told me that sooner. Now I feel like I crossed the line, and I don’t want to disrespect you”

“No, that was nice. I just don’t want you getting any other ideas” she laughed playfully, as her phone began to vibrate. She took it out, replied to a text, and put it back in her pocket for the hundredth time today.

“You must be a popular lady” I teased. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know” she replied, leaning in and kissing me this time.

“Naw, you can’t be doing stuff like that. That’s not fair” I quickly shook my head, as the alarm chimed, signaling that someone just came in the house. 

I knew it wasn’t Anthony, he wasn’t supposed to be back for another few hours, so I jumped up and ran down the hall to find out who it was.

“Chris!" Mama called out as I jogged down the stairs.

"Hey mama, what's up? You always call before you come"

"I have something to tell you” she began, getting straight to the point. 

“This must be some serious stuff for you to drive all the way over here” I chuckled.

“We need to sit down” she sighed walking to the living room and sitting on the sofa. 

“You okay?” I asked and she nodded. “What’s going on mama? Don’t tell me I’m gonna have to beat Richard’s ass”

“What? No Chris” she rolled her eyes. “This is going to be a lot to process, and I’m sorry I never told you this before. I had a baby when you were six. I was going through a lot at the time, and I couldn’t handle another child, so I gave him up for adoption"

"Wow...wait. Why are you telling me now?"

"He showed up at my doorstep a couple of months ago. I thought the records were sealed, but he found me. We’ve been spending some time together, but he wanted to be sure about the paternity before taking our relationship any further, so we had a DNA test done and I got the results today. He's really my baby boy” she whispered, clutching the papers to her chest.

“Wow Ma. I don't even know what to say right now?” I stared at her, lost for words. “I’m surprised you could go all this time without telling me something like this”

"It’s not something I was proud of, you know. I didn't think about the possibility of him wanting to know me after all this time, and there were so many feelings surrounding my pregnancy, that I hoped to never have to explain, so I forced myself to live with my decision"

"What do you mean"

"He came out looking just like his dad, and I couldn't live with that at the time”

“Wait, you said ‘his’ dad, so that means...”

“Yes, you two have different fathers. Anyway, I told him he has a brother and he's been wanting to meet you. I thought it would be best if we knew the DNA results first, so now that they're here, I thought we could all have dinner tonight at my house”

“Of course, if I have a brother out there, I definitely want to meet him” I nodded adamantly.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to get going Chris” Tae announced. 

“I’m so sorry, Tae. This is my mom, Joyce. Mama, this is Lashontae. She’s Lala’s maid of honor”

"You are gorgeous Lashontae” Mama complimented, shaking her hand. “Chris, you should’ve told me you have company.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I see you have family stuff going on, so I think I should go”

“Nonsense honey. I didn’t mean to interrupt what you two had going on. I’m going to get going, I have to get to the supermarket. I’ll see you later Chris” Mama smiled. “It was good to meet you Lashontae, you’re welcome to join us for dinner later” she added on her way out.

“Aww, you look so much like your mom, and she’s super sweet” Tae grinned.

“Thank you. You’re not leaving yet, are you?”

“Well, I kind of overheard your mom, I figured you might want some privacy, so I was going to head back to Lala’s.” Tae replied.

“Please stay and join us tonight. Mama can really cook, I promise you won’t be disappointed” 

“I'm sure she can, I just don’t want to impose on something so private”

“Stop it. I want you to be there. It’s not like I can just come swoop you up whenever I want to chill with you, so I want to make the most of the time you do get to spend out here”

“Okay, under one circumstance”

“What’s that?” I asked, hoping it was reasonable.

“I want you to paint something for me” she smiled.

“I should’ve known” I smirked. She was legit a fan of mine and that alone turned me on. The fact that she was celibate also ignited a fire in me. Everything about her was too perfect, and I couldn’t believe luck was on my side with this one. She was beautiful with a banging body, had brains, and was successful in her career.  I couldn’t help but wonder if she had any secrets in her closet, only time will tell. 

[trixter-i-am]

A year has passed since the beginning of my experiment.

I can say it was the most productive year of my life. And the experiment gave me some unexpected results, though unnoticeable at first.

I turned to vegan lifestyle a year ago, on October 1.

Even when I was a vegetarian, I had heard a lot of stories about how hard it was to be a vegan, how limited vegetable food was, and how bloggers return to vegetarianism or even meat. But none of these bloggers could give real reasons or evidence that vegetable nutrition is not effective for athletes, is detrimental or harmful to health. These people took veganism as a diet, at the same time spreading stories about the everlasting lack of vitamin B12 for everyone who denies meat. They wanted to lose weight by going vegan or pursued religious goals, which led to disappointment for many of them.

Personally I made this decision for other reasons. Many years of vegetarianism soothed my conscience. I wasn’t very interested in the news about farms. I didn’t know exactly how dairy products are made, how poultry farms work. I didn’t seriously think about the effect such nutrition makes to my body. I was sure that milk and eggs are rich sources of nutrients, and for some reason cow or goat milk is just perfect for human food. It seemed to be something like a healing elixir, discovered after examining nature. I thought that it was possible to eat dairy products if animals were kept in ethical conditions, such as, for example, beloved cows in villages.

But is it really possible? The crucial information for me was the truth about the catastrophic ecological effect of animal agriculture and the point of no return on the consumption of Earth resources. In 2017, on August 2, we had exhausted the yearly resources of the Earth. Making humans vegan is one of the main solutions to this problem.

I revised my diet and replaced my old habits with new ones.

I no longer eat my favorite cheese and drink cocktails with cow's milk, but I eat a lot of seitan, lentils, tofu, mushrooms and soy, which is no less tasty, but just different. I have chosen for myself the ideal options of vegetable milk. I have a favorite milk brand. In the mornings I continue to eat so-called smoothie bowls, but with slightly different ingredients. I continue to drink my favorite cocoa. Well, I don’t eat milk porridge now, but I don’t miss it either. I don’t regret parting with pizza.

Definitely my diet has become healthier and much more diverse. I didn’t gain weight this year and didn’t lose much weight, but I didn’t go to gym as much as before. Outwardly, I wouldn’t say I noticed any serious changes. I eat as much and as tasty as before, tried a bunch of new flavors and products. I expected my skin to be perfectly smooth. I expected that I would shine and heal from all diseases. Perhaps there should be more time for impressive and striking changes. I understand that there can be no miracles in a disgustingly dirty city and with my quite chaotic working schedule.

But there was something that surprised me a lot.

I got rid of a long-standing problem torturing me from my childhood. Given that, at a conscious age, I began to visit doctors and persistently look for the cause. I have a whole range of gastrointestinal diagnoses, and I was tormented by bloating, despite the relatively healthy lifestyle. I rarely drank, did not smoke, tried to adhere to the correct diet and sports, and regularly treated seasonal disorders. But the problem resumed. In 4 months from the beginning of veganism, my stomach became soft and did not bother me anymore. I can’t say what was the exact reason, since I also had to adjust the portions. But it seems that my issue was precisely in animal proteins and fats.I did not have such problems with vegetable food, regardless of its complexity. Mushrooms, legumes - everything is digested well.

Most unexpected result of becoming vegan is that I stopped catching colds in autumn and winter. Although before my veganism I could get sick in May, and in September, it was enough to shudder a bit or talk to sick people. I caught cold several times during the autumn-winter-spring season all my life, as I can remember. Always took day off from kindergarten and school, then endured colds on the run or lay at home for weeks. My most amazing result - I haven’t got ill this year at all!

Small nice bonus - I became lighter and faster. I became less tired. It doesn’t feel as if you yanked a giant cup of coffee or an energy drink. Just after a long period, you notice how physical activity became more bearable, how much more energy you have, you even take the stress relatively easier. And it’s not my body eating itself because of alleged protein lack, as some coaches believe. My body always has something to chew on - I won’t ever deprive myself of food.

I assume my immune system has somehow improved, and I no longer need to go to an immunologist to solve unsolvable problems. I don’t have to take several types of antibiotics for obscure chronic disorders, and then immunomodulators to help my body cope with the aftermath.

Surely, food doesn’t fix all the issues. We all should take tableted vitamins and microelements periodically, because no diet in the world can provide the perfect delivery of substances. But nutrition as the basis of life decides a lot. In the near future, I am going to pass control tests and check my blood for important microelements’ volumes.

At this stage, I feel good and find logic in all my reasons for becoming vegan. If I have health problems, I will look for causes in other areas, adjust my diet with a wide variety and the right combination of plant foods. And now it’s hard for me to imagine that I would return to eating animal products. Let's see how healthy and energetic I will be in a few years and whether I can avoid chronic meat-eating diseases.

[randomaccesslegacy-blog]

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At the conclusion of this area I’ll demonstrate why physical exercises and massages support to stimulate blood stream substantially and thus may also help reverse (cure) hair loss. The newest analysis displays that there's a Substantially bigger than standard proportion of white blood cells (immune technique cells) and antibody clusters (Immunoglobulin) throughout the hair follicles of youthful balding Males then Gentlemen with complete heads of hair. Mobile differentiation occurs in the course of the hair growth process at the base on the hair follicle (in the Dermal Papilla (DP)). You may or may not are aware that the reason DHT leads to the hair follicle miniaturization procedure is as the DHT leads to an immune response in opposition to the actual hair follicles in regions of the scalp that happen to be genetically predisposed. You’ve now read through there are pharmaceutical and plant-primarily based compounds which will block DHT, but which i don’t really endorse both of those because blocking DHT similar to this remains to be not totally ‘natural.’ Generating a hair rinse is as simple as building a herbal tea. Include sizzling water towards the herb of the preference, Permit it steep, covered right until it cools down, then use. My preferred hair rinse will be the very first 1 about the record. This equilibrium involving acidity and alkalinity is known as pH. Really acidic is pH1, incredibly alkaline is pH fourteen and neutral is pH7 (the same as h2o.) The transplant system is often broken into two methods. 1st, hair-bearing skin is removed from an area from the scalp called the ‘donor web site’. 2nd, the donor skin and hair is then grafted onto the ‘recipient site’. Idiopatchic hirsutism is thought to get activated by the presence of androgens, and the application of tea tree oil was revealed to considerably decrease the hair amounts viewed on women. Often individuals find out about acute (or IgE) food stuff allergies as the system’s response for the meals takes area instantly and with apparent repercussions which can be straightforward to see. Any time you use conditioner, you're Placing much more chemicals on your scalp and hair. And considering that They're significant and thick, they're able to clog your hair follicles and halt growth. Additionally, check here are the sole fantastic sources of vitamin B12. So for anyone who is subsequent a vegetarian or vegan diet plan, contemplate having a supplement. After the colour tragedy, I remain much faraway from artificial hair colors. I have very few grey hair, and I use henna to deal with my greys. Understand that this is only one of numerous ways to grow back again missing hair. Lots of people discover which they aren’t allergic to any specific food stuff groups which happens to be fine.

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I have already been employing It really works hair skin and nails and my hair grew two inches in six months! And my pores and skin seems to be much better as well. Nonetheless, you will discover limitless solutions on the market that guarantee unrealistic benefits, only to depart you disappointed. When studying the most effective shampoos for hair loss, here are some components to bear in mind. https://www.pinterest.com/healthhomeremedies/steptoremedies/ of topical prescription drugs known as prostaglandin analogs have a short while ago began going through tests for probable hair regrowth. They might be Utilized in Males and women. These medicine will not be at the moment FDA authorized for scalp hair loss. At this time, they are mainly used for eyelash improvement. Among the new medications is known as bimatoprost (Latisse). Additional testing and reports are necessary to assess the efficacy of such merchandise in scalp hair loss. Bimatoprost solution is typically applied off-label for assist in chosen circumstances of hair loss. It can be now FDA authorized for beauty eyelash improvement. Could In addition, you support me with ideal oil system to circumvent hair fall & also coffee hair mask? I'm dealing with hair fall difficulty a great deal that have made my hairs quite a bit skinny be sure to aid for this which oil & which selfmade shampoo for use. wonderful help wanted. Many thanks ahead of time Finasteride (Propecia): This medication is FDA authorized to be used in only men with androgenic hair loss. Finasteride is in a category of remedies known as 5-alpha reductase inhibitors. It can help cut down hair loss by blocking the motion of natural hormones in scalp hair follicles. Propecia is really a decreased-dose Variation of a commercially accessible drug called Proscar that can help shrink enlarged prostates in Center-aged and more mature Gentlemen. Women of child-bearing prospective should prevent finasteride. Propecia 1 mg tablets can be obtained by prescription and taken once each day. Propecia may possibly grow and thicken hair to some extent for lots of people, but its principal use is to maintain (maintain) hair that's nonetheless there. Alternatively, contemplate having iron supplements to satisfy your daily requirements. For those who’re worried you might be anemic, it’s crucial that you see a physician. In many conditions the encouraged treatment might be taking iron nutritional supplements, but in some cases even further treatment is required. Howdy gorgeous, welcome to hair buddha. I'm Minaz, an ex-training Neuro-Physiotherapist turned natural – hair – therapist! I'm creating to share my experiences on natural hair treatment that's been effective not simply on me and also on a lot of excellent men and women about me. Be a part of our mailing checklist and acquire the most up-to-date information about developments in hair loss prevention know-how. We preserve our readers up to date on what's Functioning, what is actually not, and what is actually around the horizon. Non-scarring hair loss also happens in circumstances in which there is Bodily or chemical harm to the hair shaft, causing breakage. From time to time, it may be essential to do a biopsy on the scalp to tell apart these situations. Sometimes, a medical professional might pull a hair to examine the appearance on the hair shaft in addition to the proportion of growing hairs (anagen section). This article will give full attention to the non-scarring kinds of hair loss. ” Once correctly made, this could renovate a fully bald man or woman to the head of hair they'd as being a teenager. The leading obstacle now will be replicating their ends in significant-scale human trials. Find out how getting a vitamin D deficiency can contribute to hair loss and what you can do to keep up balanced vitamin D levels in The body. Insert much more omega three fatty acids on your food plan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Hair_care_products is integral to wholesome hair growth, and devoid of plenty of of it within your diet program your hair can look brittle and uninteresting. There are actually couple of side effects with Rogaine. The leading problem with this particular treatment is the necessity to retain making use of it a few times every day, and most Gentlemen get Sick and tired of it following some time. On top of that, minoxidil has a tendency to function considerably less effectively to the front of The top, which is where by baldness bothers most Adult men. Inadvertent software on the facial area or neck skin can result in unwanted hair growth in those parts. Many thanks heaps with the suggestions of the hair things. I'm going to start nowadays by hoping the egg mask…

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Why we like it: A completely naturally shampoo that stops hair loss attributable to severe chemicals in normal shampoos, and treats leads to of Serious hair loss. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akRJ2d5raOo don't ensure the correctness of the information, you should exercising discretion while implementing the data to employ. The information presented hereunder isn't meant to be considered a substitute for receiving in touch with crisis healthcare. In the event you (or the person you intend to supply information to) are going through a professional medical emergency, please Get hold of an ambulance support or medical center instantly. It requires around a calendar year for visible hair growth, but t here are ways to boost hair health and fitness. Find out how to keep the hair growing sturdy and wholesome. Finasteride (Propecia): This medication is FDA authorized to be used in just Males with androgenic hair loss. Finasteride is in a category of prescription drugs referred to as 5-alpha reductase inhibitors. It helps lower hair loss by blocking the action of natural hormones in scalp hair follicles. Propecia is really a reduced-dose Model of the commercially available drug called Proscar that can help shrink enlarged prostates in Center-aged and older Guys. Women of child-bearing prospective should avoid finasteride. Propecia 1 mg tablets are available by prescription and brought the moment each day. Propecia could grow and thicken hair to some extent for a lot of people, but its main use is to help keep (maintain) hair that is nonetheless there. Restricted braids and ponytails can pull really hard adequate on hairs to generate them fall out. If this transpires, it is best to pick hairstyles that put fewer rigidity on hair. Carrying out this quicker aids to prevent long lasting damage. Hairpieces: Among the time-honored approaches to increase hair temporarily are hairpieces or hair weaving, during which a mesh is hooked up for the remaining hair and synthetic or human hair of similar coloration and texture is woven with present hair. An Ayurvedic treatment termed Shirodhara even so, has revealed a particular number of assure for stopping hair loss and aiding hair growth. Hair is built up of keratin, which is a protein developed throughout the hair follicles on the uppermost layer of your skin. The follicles continue to keep making new hair cells and push out the old useless cells. The hair that you choose to see on your own head are compact strands crafted from useless keratinized cells. click here , B7, C, and vitamin H are definitely the nutrients that market hair growth. Possibly you could take in foods rich in these or choose dietary supplements. Vitamin D is believed to Enjoy a role in hair creation, but most investigate concentrates on vitamin D receptors. The particular purpose of vitamin D in hair growth is unfamiliar. Even the so-referred to as natural shampoos might not support. This is because the natural detergents in them are likely to possess a better pH, While our scalp provides a lower pH (about four. Some say argan oil blocks DHT, the arch enemy of hair growth. This shampoo is perfect for remedying thinning hair also. This all natural shampoo will nourish your scalp and enhance hair volume with common use. Moreover, a bottle is highly economical. The biotin strengthens hair, drastically cutting down breakage, thinning, and hair loss. This shampoo has a mild volumizing influence in addition. It can make your hair grow thicker and more powerful with prolonged use. General, this is a superb finances item for mild to average hair loss scenarios. Should you are searhing for some herbal shampoo’s to cut back hair fall, then this can be stated being one of the better kinds below that classification of hair growth. It sports activities only natural substances which can be helpful for producing the hair shine with the roots.

Not known Factual Statements About natural hair growth

Thoughts abound concerning the effectiveness of hair growth vitamins and nutritional supplements, such as A very powerful one: Do they perform? Vitamin C – which can help Establish collagen, a protein that aids in hair growth. It’s also one among The most crucial vitamins for boosting the immune technique. We’ve talked a great deal about vitamins and minerals and their effect on hair growth. Now, Permit’s split it down a little additional and emphasize the very best vitamins for hair growth. Finasteride (brand name name Propecia) is definitely the closest to the hair loss cure tablet that experts have identified thus far. That is a DHT hair loss cure. DHT is created when 5 alpha reductase converts testosterone, and Propecia has long been identified to get a highly effective inhibitor of DHT by preventing this process from happening. A top rated hair loss shampoo can offer your scalp and hair follicles with important nutrients that enable prevent thinning or balding on the supply. With fantastic good quality solutions, This can be accomplished by protecting against the lousy hormone cycle that locally will cause bald places. Pregnancy is one particular example of the type of Bodily worry that can cause hair loss (that and hormones). Pregnancy-relevant hair loss is viewed far more frequently immediately after your toddler has become sent as opposed to basically through pregnancy. “Supplying beginning is very traumatic,” suggests Dr. Glashofer. In an field fraught with pretend claims and shady organizations, this record of the best hair loss shampoos for men and women has actually been investigated and evaluated thoroughly. Though it’s imperative that you take into account that hair loss can have a lot of underlying causes and a good shampoo with good quality elements might be Portion of a highly effective treatment, it’s challenging to argue with the A large number of independent consumers who have discovered these merchandise effective. As this oil is fairly viscous, blend the castor oil by having an equivalent volume of coconut, olive, or almond oil. Massage your scalp with it and go away it on for thirty to 45 minutes. Then shampoo your hair. I'm 28 decades aged. I'm struggling from hair fall from past just one month. In particular far more when I am taking a head bathtub and executing oil for my head. I'm utilizing underneath merchandise for my hair More than 50% of customers declare that it can thicken hair and sluggish hair loss, but It isn't deemed helpful in Gentlemen who already have substantial male pattern baldness. Negative effects seem like negligible, but in certain end users the medication might bring about pores and skin irritation. The drug is accredited to be used in Guys and women. It truly is readily available more than-the-counter in a pharmacy or drug retailer. How to proceed: If you do experience hair loss, be confident that your hair will grow back again in a couple of months. “It’s a traditional detail and it will get the job done its way out,” Dr. Glashofer suggests. Natrol also consists of calcium, which is very important for trying to keep teeth and bones potent, and also an essential element for growing balanced hair. Ketoconazole is A very powerful ingredient. Of each of the unlimited elements to look for, make certain your shampoo for hair loss incorporates ketoconazole for the reason that this ingredient combats some of the major difficulties involved with thinning hair. Maintain your hair care so simple as doable. It is possible to pre-ailment your hair with coconut or almond oil and after that shampoo. Plus, you can swap the conditioner with plant infusion or hair rinse (see the subsequent level).

New Step by Step Map For hair loss cure

Many thanks for the excellent post. The posting may be very helpul to me. Remember to put up more details on this matter. Or, in order to maintain issues very simple, You may use an item for example Ulrax Hair Surge regularly because it consists of ketoconazole. The American Hair Loss Affiliation stated it’s vital that women who definitely have a history of hair loss within their family to get made aware of the prospective consequences of birth Manage tablets on typical hair growth. Most hair loss is not really connected to systemic or inside disorder, neither is very poor food plan a frequent component. Hair may simply just thin as a result of predetermined genetic aspects and the overall growing old procedure. Nonetheless, users should be cautious simply because Nizoral could cause irritation to the pores and skin to the scalp if remaining on for much too very long. Males and women with sensitive skin must absolutely be mindful when making use of this robust product or service, making certain to usually extensively rinse right after every single use. Absolutely. Combining them can be a lot better. A great combo could be Nizoral (Ketoconazole) and plus any of another shampoos on this record. The most important thing is that you'll be implementing a shampoo with ketoconazole at the very least 2 times every week. Heat styling can fry your hair, which makes it brittle and weak, which, in turn, will continue to keep it from growing long and robust. Go straightforward on very hot styling hair applications, Unless of course you desire breakage and frizz triggering lasting hurt your locks. The bottle has about one/three still left And that i am asking yourself exactly what is to be envisioned from this product or service. I really have to use no less than eight pumps ( it seems to be double the quantity of standard shampoo that i use) and it doesn't seem to later on that very well right until following a min or so. Additonally I'm using the hair surge dietary supplement. When must i see considerably less hair falling out? When need to i count on obvious benefits. Almost every other ideas? I comprehend it claims to implement 5 of 7 times, but i use it everyday to make certain i am receiving the full profit ( if any) from this item. At this time I'm looking at one hundred buck a month for your shampoo by itself if i keep this up. Any suggestions is welcome. Thanks Lipogaine Significant 3 – contains ketoconazole, but only a couple other hair thinning/loss similar substances; not offered on Amazon (only by means of Lipogaine Internet site). This shampoo brings together the advantages of biotin, zinc, and coconut oil to deliver the growth of recent hair whilst restoring thin, ruined strands. This B-Advanced Formulation stimulates hair follicles so that you can encourage your hair to start out growing all over again. Actually, a hair regrowth shampoo that actually works can even enable to reverse problems and thicken your hair, which might wholly transform your full look and allow you to obtain the hairstyles you’ve usually preferred. When the hair loss that causes partial or complete baldness needs prescribed medicines and surgical treatments, the short term or seasonal onset of hair loss is often taken care of by […] The Human Physique Quiz will allow you to study your minimal-recognised physique areas! Just take this quiz to learn more about your system and what goes on within. https://steptoremedies.com/baking-soda-shampoo/ acquired my initial hair loss shampoo – Lipogaine’s Large 5 Shampoo – as referenced in this article.

5 Tips about hair growth shampoo You Can Use Today

Vitamin A allows to create balanced sebum, an oily material secreted because of the scalp, which retains hair from drying out and breaking off.* Moreover, Vitamin A fights free of charge radicals that weigh your hair down.* * On top of that, some think that Vitamin E has an have an impact on on the body’s immune functionality, further more escalating it’s probable to lessen hair loss danger.* It could be taken by mouth, used topically or can be found in the next foods: Although it may well not block DHT (a minimum of, this has nonetheless to get studied), the position it performs while in the regulation from the Wnt pathway is not really just one to generally be downplayed. Consequently SM04554 may perhaps Intention for 5-6 portions of fruits and greens every day. You don’t really need to consume unique, costly ones.  Eat far more wide range and eat what grows locally and what modifications seasonally – as they contain most goodness and they are ideal to your hair, well being and pores and skin.   Your body is declaring “I’m way too acidic” “my microbiome continues to be harmed” “I’m allergic to gluten” but your just masking up the cries if you are taking a drug, or ignore it. Hair transplantation. Hair transplantation entails the relocation of plugs of pores and skin from aspects of the scalp made up of Lively hair follicles to bald spots. An individual might have quite a few hundred plugs -- implanted 10 to 60 for each session. The transplanted hair may perhaps drop out, but new hair generally commences to grow in the transplanted follicles in several months. Now, additional than simply screening the success of RU on hair growth, scientists have been also serious about knowledge the top dosage, each concerning results and basic safety. Anything you have to know about shampoos for thinning hairHair is recognized as the crowning glory for individuals generally. So looking to resolve the challenge with medicine is much like seeking to mask the indicators, and your body pays the price for it later on. steptoremedies.com have too many Unwanted side effects in the long term. I agree with all your basic philosophy that baldness is unnatural and therefore a natural solution is admittedly the sole strategy to go. Many thanks, Greg Far more generally generally known as microneedling, mesotherapy is actually a drug-free hair loss treatment that will involve the usage of little needles. Tips on how to use: You may use amla juice with coconut oil or amla oil for your head massage. It's also possible to include some amla powder inside of a hair mask. As We all know hair is especially made up of proteins, and insufficient protein will sluggish the hair growth, and may even lead to brittle hair. Iron is an additional significant nutrient for wholesome hair growth. The key mechanism driving PSO’s good results is thought to become its inhibition of your enzyme 5AR. Through this, DHT is then blocked from currently being produced and, for that reason, can not wreak havoc around the hair follicles.

[acyborgkitty]

I just finished watching Jennifer Brea’s incredible documentary Unrest on Netflix. Watch it now. Everyone should. 

My story.

I became ill suddenly, and severely, in September (I think) of 2016. I had just moved to Providence in August from San Francisco, without my partner of 10+ years, to take a teaching job at Brown University. I was teaching a poetry workshop for Frequency Writers, a community writing group, as well as a class I developed for Brown’s Literary Arts department, Experimental Poets of Color. Providence is a city I love, and even though the gig was adjunct (i.e. no job security, no health insurance, etc.) I wanted to be in Providence, and I wanted to be teaching in my fiend. I had health insurance through the ACA at the time, and though I had been diagnosed with several mental illnesses many years before (major depression and general and social anxiety disorders) I felt that my hearth was well managed with the medication I was on. 

I was so happy to be back in Providence, I would walk for hours around the city, sometimes 7 miles in one stretch, listening to music and books. I was thrilled to be teaching the class I desperately wish I had been able to take at any point in my education (which includes three masters degrees), and to be nearer to my friends and family who live in Boston and the surrounding areas. I missed my partner, but we’ve been long distance for much of our relationship (the price of being an artist in academia), and it seemed like he was getting ready to leave San Francisco and head back east himself. 

It was the second meeting, I think, of the Frequency open poetry workshop. It was Wednesday night. I walked to the community gallery space on Carpenter St. where we held our meetings early, unlocked the doors, and made myself some tea. It was a normal night. At some point during the workshop I started to feel exhausted, sick, like I was getting a cold. I pushed through, but took a Lyft home. I woke up the next day and still felt bad. Worse, even. I cancelled that day’s class and stayed in bed. By the next week I still wasn’t feeling any better. I went to the CVS clinic to see if I had the flu, which was going around and apparently quite bad that year. I didn’t, I was told it was just a bad cold, and to take some cough suppressant for the bad cough. 

I thought maybe I wasn’t sleeping well - I was tired all the time - and maybe that was making the cold last longer than normal. I had had (undiagnosed) chronic pain for years which had started in 2007 in my first year in grad school. It was especially bad in my neck and lower back, so I had spent years and a lot of money finding a really good mattress. But I had housemates that were young, noisy, up late, so I invested in an eye mask, noise-cancelling headphones that I slept in, and a white noise machine. I had to teach my classes, but I would show up, teach, and come immediately back home and stay in bed until I had to teach the next class. I spent several weeks like this, thinking it was just a cold, until someone pointed out that colds, even very bad ones, don’t last for several weeks. 

I made an appointment with my primary care doctor in Boston. I’ve struggled finding doctors that take me seriously, like most women and non binary people I imagine, especially with chronic and challenging illnesses. This doctor listened to me, and was gentle, and that was pretty much all I could hope for. He examined me, and tested me for mono, strep, walking pneumonia (which I’d had before, and which was basically the closest comparable experience I had). I had none of them. Then we tested my thyroid, my B12 levels, and my immune functions. He found nothing wrong with me. 

A digression on chronic pain, including a digression on trauma.

I had gone down a diagnostic wormhole several years ago when I’d first started getting tests to see if we could find an underlying cause for my chronic pain. It started in Iowa City, where I did my second graduate degree, and included MRIs, x-rays, testing for immunological disorders, cancers, and basically anything they could think of. Eventually I was referred to a psychologist, because they determined my pain might be a physical manifestation of trauma. And I’d had my share of trauma.

A digression on trauma. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother who, though never diagnosed, meets all of the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. I ran away from home as a teenager, living on the streets for most of a year, before re-establishing a relationship with my family, primarily my father who helped me get an apartment, back into school, and eventually into college. At that point my mother re-entered the picture, and my father stopped helping me pay for college, so I worked sometimes as many as 5 jobs while completing my undergraduate degree. I met my partner in undergrad, and he has been an immense help for me in recovering from my trauma, but like so many who were experienced long-term abuse as children, I probably will never be un-affected by my experiences. 

So the trauma angle seemed at least plausible to me, and I went to a year’s worth of sessions with two different people, one a psychologist who specialized in and studied the manifestation of trauma as physical pain, and another who practiced CBT and meditative mindfulness therapy. Both helped immensely with my emotional state, but my pain persisted. So when I moved away for my third graduate degree (my first move to Providence) I transferred care and we started the diagnostics all over again. This time I saved all my records - I have my MRIs and my X-rays still in some box somewhere. We did CAT scans and I went to scores of specialists including  an orthopedic surgeon who recommended surgery; a chiropractor who works with the Boston Ballet Company who diagnosed me as hyper-flexible and gave me strengthening exercises to do that actually seemed to help somewhat; and a neurologist who found nothing wrong with me at all. After four years of referrals and diagnostics, I found a integrative care physician who listened to me break down in her office, prescribed an anti-depressant that is also a sedative to help me fall asleep, and helped me come up with a plan to manage the pain. Massage, chiropractor, walking and stretching, the anti-depressants, 800mg Ibuprofen when I needed it, and Vicodin when nothing else helped. 

After all of this, I wasn’t eager to go down another diagnostic chase. 

Back to 2016.

By this point it was the middle of November. I was so sick that I couldn’t feed myself, I couldn’t do laundry, I couldn’t leave the house except for to teach, and then I spent the next 24-48 hours recovering mostly in bed from the fatigue it caused me. I was experiencing sever cognitive deficiencies, most notably my ability to process and retain information, and my ability to speak. It felt like I had dementia, or what I imagine dementia to feel like. I would read the same sentence over and over again and not understand it, or not remember it when I started the next one. I would fight to get up to go into the kitchen, only to forget what I was there for. Did I need water? Had I fed the cat? Did I need to use the bathroom? My father and brother were taking turns coming down to my house to prepare food for me for the week, and to get my groceries, and to do my laundry. I needed help with everything. I could do one, maybe two things in a given day. Those things included brushing my teeth and feeding the cat. 

I couldn’t even research my condition, given my cognitive symptoms. I was angry, and many days I felt like it would be better to die. I couldn’t read or write, so I took up embroidery as a way to try to keep my life worth living, a way to keep making art. 

In January, 2017 when my partner came to visit for his winter break, we went to my doctor together. I couldn’t remember the questions he wanted me to ask, and I couldn’t have remembered the answers anyway, and I certainly couldn’t get myself there and back without help, so him coming was the only way I was going to get there. I don’t remember much of the appointment, but I do remember my doctor suggested that I might be experiencing a severe prolonged depressive episode. Based on my previous diagnosis of depression. Based on the fact that there seemed to be nothing wrong with me, physically. 

My partner didn’t buy it. I sort of did, or at least I didn’t have the energy to dispute it. My partner started researching, aggressively, and a few months later he came up with something. Maybe, he said, it was my copper IUD. Maybe I had copper toxicity. My doctor said that was impossible, that the IUD can’t cause copper toxicity, but my symptoms aligned, and there are thousands of women on the internet who have experienced copper poisoning from their IUD. So one day in April, my best friend took me to the hospital and I had mine removed. The next day, I felt better. Not 100% better, but maybe 40% better. The next day my partner and I went for a walk, the first time in almost a year I had felt able to do that. 

I kept feeling better. Not getting better, but I stayed feeling about 40% better. A few days I felt almost entirely myself, but then the next day I would be exhausted again. I could do things, but if I pushed too hard, I would collapse and pay for it for days. I learned about spoons, and disability culture and activism. I learned about setting my limits, and prioritizing. I said no to almost everything, because almost nothing was worth the risk of incapacitation for me. 

My brain started to recover too - I could read. I started writing in my journal, not poetry but at least writing of some sort. I felt hopeful that I was recovering. We bought a house, a big old Victorian that needs TLC, and I moved in there with 4 other queer artist friends. I didn’t get the tenure-track job at Brown, but I did get another adjunct offer to teach Book Arts, and I accepted - something I definitely couldn’t have done at my sickest, given that it’s a 15-hr a week studio course. 

But now, a year post-removal, my memory is still a problem. And I still get exhausted a lot. A lot more than I used to, before I got sick. But the anecdotal evidence on the copper IUD detox forums says that it could take years to fully process the toxicity out of your system. The most severe days might be attributed to “dumps” - when the body releases stored copper all at once - and those days feel like my worst ones did when I was at my sickest. I had thought that when I felt better, I would start to do things again, go to poetry readings, have dinner with friends, go for walks, be part of the community I’d moved here because I loved. But I still say no to most things, or write them down in my calendar and don’t go. I know that if I push too hard, I’ll pay for it for days. And “too hard” is a moving target - it changes seemingly randomly, and I don’t know when I’m approaching it until it’s too late. Then I’m in bed for days. 

I’ve been having an especially bad few days. Maybe a week. Maybe more. My memory, my brain isn’t good at sequence anymore, or keeping track of time. It’s frustrating, because I can’t keep track of my own symptoms. Sometimes I remember to write them down, and sometimes I forget, or am too tired. And there’s no one here to watch me, or help me - my partner doesn’t move here until June. Today, for example, I got up at 11 and I fed the cats. And I was so tired that I lay down, and just...passed out. I don’t remember falling back asleep, but then I woke up at 6 pm. I fed the cats again, and then had to go back to bed. The last week has been similar: do just what is necessary, then back to bed. It feels like I’m sick all over again. 

I have had my period, which can be associated with copper dumps. I’m not saying it’s not copper “dumps,” or that it’s isn’t related to copper poisoning. But I watched Unrest and thought: “maybe this is what I have, too?” So many of those scenes were heartbreakingly familiar. I wept through most of it, because Jennifer was saying the things that I’d been feeling. About feeling like it was a good day when all I had done was survived it. About feeling like my life had ended, and that I had a new one now, one that sometimes didn’t feel like a life at all, but one that I still didn’t want to give up. About not being listened to, about not being believed. I wept at the thought of having a diagnosis, after all this time. Of maybe finally at least knowing what is wrong with me. Maybe.

But I don’t know how to find out. I don’t currently have health insurance, because the premium on my ACA policy from last year went up by 50% and I couldn’t afford it anymore, and adjuncts at Brown who teach fewer than 4 classes a year don’t get health insurance, and I’m only teaching 3, and I am barely able to do that; this semester teaching 2 classes took every bit of energy I had. I will get health insurance starting in September when my partner starts his new job in Providence, and maybe then I can get some answers. If I have the energy for it.

My story doesn’t have an ending yet. I’m in bed, as I have been all day. Writing this was the most writing I’ve done since I got sick. I’m grateful for that. It feels like, thanks to the work that Jennifer has done, an important story is at least starting to be told. Not just mine, but one that is shared by millions. 

[the-living-radio]

Kylar-

Kylar has always enjoyed your company. As the two of you talk, you sometimes pause the conversation just to share an interesting fact that was sorta related to the topic. He doesn’t mind it, in fact, he loves it. You are sharing information about things that peak your interest, so of course he would listen carefully so he knows what to talk about in the future with you.

You know that he loves to draw and sketch, so you would share facts that are related to art. “Back in 1775, there was a color pigment called ‘Scheele’s Green’. It was a very bright green hue and was formed by a toxic chemical, Arsentine. It was used in wall hangings and fabric, it was also used in children’s toys, how sad... Anyway, For an example of the deadly pigment: a women wearing a dress made from the poisonous pigment became sick due to inhaling the vapors. Some believe that it’s the reason why Napoleon died.”

Kylar would only stare at you in awe and praise you for your knowledge. He eventually starts to do research of his own to impress you. He gets deflated when you tell him you already knew about the thing he discovered, but instead of just leaving it as that, you try and share your own opinions on the matter. You don’t want him to feel like he was dumb for only finding out about it, so you would ask him questions: ‘What are your thoughts about it?’ ‘Which article did you read?’.

One day, while walking in the park with you, hand in hand, you brought something up that caused him to get flustered.

“Did you know Semen contains nutrients in it? It also holds a good amount of vitamin C and B12,” Kylar would choke on his own spit, coughing and trying to regain his breath while you pat his back and ask if he’s alright

Kylar stutters under his breath, but you were able to catch it. “W-would you be w-willing to test that h-h-hypothesis? ...” his face flushed red, not even looking at you.

You could only blink at his words, but then you let out a light chuckle. Leaning your head closer to his, you nipped at his ear and whispered, making him tremble and softly moan. “It’s not a Hypothesis. I know this for a fact because my loving and caring boyfriend always makes sure I take my vitamins.”

Kylar grabs a hold of your hand and starts to lead you to a more secluded area. You want vitamins and healthy nutrients? Kylar will happily give them to you. He just wants his beautiful spouse to be healthy after all~

Robin-

Robin knows your passionate about sharing little facts and information you learn, so he makes sure he respectfully stops what he’s doing to listen to you. Though, you’ve noticed a few things you’ve said that made him look uncomfortable. Body mutilation? Yeah that seems a bit too much for him... The history about how pinball was banned because it was  considered a gambling game? Oh his head picked up.

He would listen and occasionally ask questions over the things you talk about. “So how did Pinball get unbanned?” “Oh! So a man named Roger Sharpe testified against the prohibition back in 1976. He was playing in front of the witnesses and judges in the courtroom. He called out precisely what his next move was and BOOM! He did just that!” Robin can’t help but swoon as you get excited while rambling. You were just so cute to him.

It was a cold winter day, Robin was done selling hot chocolate. So now he was playing video games while you sat in his lap for warmth. He liked moments like this, where he was able to spend time with you while also distressing. Though... the mood kinda got ruined.

“Did you know that Semen contains multiple sources of nutrients? Including potassium which is found in bananas?” Robin drops his controller and just watches as his character dies on the screen. “I-I didn’t know that...” he coughs in his fist and looks away from you. How cute.

“Mhmmm~ I visited Doctor Harper a few days ago... she said that I need more potassium in my diet,” you adjust your body where you’re now straddling him, running your hands down his chest to Robins crotch. “And I’m feeling a bit peckish~”

Robin rips his pants off his legs while you still sit in his lap. How could he say no to something that would help improve your health?~

Whitney-

He hates when you talk about useless crap. Who cares that there’s a planet that looks exactly like Earth? He doesn’t. On his bad days, when you start spewing nonsense towards him, he’ll grip your hair and pull you down to his dick. His cock will surely shut you the hell up, fucking nerd.

With trail and effort, you eventually start sharing things that actually make him listen to you. “An example of a good murder weapon would be a frozen turkey.” “... fucking what?” “Mhm, a frozen turkey has to weigh about a few pounds. Using it as a weapon to kill someone, you would have to hit them on the head with it. A certain amount of force would have to be used, but if done right, the person would die from a caved skull and damaged brain. All you have to do next is thaw out and cook the turkey, leave the house and go to an area where there are people who witness you, create an alibi, come home, and pretend that someone came into your home and killed the person. The turkey should be done and nobody would suspect it being the turkey being the one that killed them.”

Whitney is impressed by this, laughing on how ingenious it is. You explain more facts about corpse disposal or getting away with murder 101. Sometimes you would bring up a weird sex fact, it’s not that he didn’t enjoy it, he just thought... well, how weird it is.

“Did you know it was Adolf Hitler that approved the project for his soldiers to have blow up sex dolls with them?” Whitney starts laughing, eventually coughing on his own cigarette smoke. He’s not pissed about it either, when he collects himself he’s just smirking at you. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?” “He didn’t want his soldiers to be seen in areas when prostitution was being held back in Paris.” He starts to wheeze while holding his sides.

One day while walking down the hallways at school, Whitney had his arm around your waist, making his way to the front of the school to meet up with his friends. “So I’m starting a new diet where I have to eat a certain amount of protein...” Whitney grunts as he digs his fingers into your hips, a warning to not talk about anything nerdy. “Did you know Semen contains various amounts of nutrients? One being Protein?” Whitney snorts and looks over at you. “You would know all about that wouldn’t ya, Slut?” You hummed and lean your head on Whitney’s shoulder. “I haven’t met my protein count today... so I was wondering if maybe later... you could give me a snack?”

Whitney stops in his tracks, making you stop as well. He gives you a mischievous smirk and moves his hand up to your hair, gently yanking on it. “How about I give you a meal instead? Only if you’re a good slut.” You couldn’t help but moan from his offer.

Whitney starts to drag you in the opposite direction, away from his friends. If you want your protein, you’re going to have to get on your knees and beg for him to give it to you.~

———————

I had to add small little stories to this! I just had to do it! I couldn’t help myself!

I’m at work, but I can’t get this out of my head: how would the Trio react to having a PC that just spews random and interesting facts. Like “There are multiple ways on hiding a body. The most efficient way that I like is freezing it and then throwing it in a wood chipper. That way the body is shredded and all you have to do is carefully dispose of the murder weapon.” And “We are just living specs of dust in just one out of billions of universes with endless dimensions. I could be a table in a different world.” And then one day they just say “So I learned that Semen has plenty of healthy nutrients and holds a good amount of protein... so how did you do on your test?” And they just have a blank stare the whole time while saying these things.

How would the trio respond to such a fact?

Kylar would find all these little facts very interesting, and may even spit out some of their own. But upon hearing the fact about semen they'd pause and turn red. If you and Kylar are in an M/F relationship they'd nervously stutter something about testing that hypothesis with you.

Even if Robin finds some of your facts a little...disturbing...they still listen intently, because, hey, knowledge is knowledge, right? Although they do wonder just how you learned some of these things. The semen fact completely flusters them and leaves them unable to respond.

Whitney thinks most of your facts stupid, though they do show interest in the one about corpse disposal. When you bring up the nutritional benefits of semen they'll laugh and make a comment about how you'd know all about that, huh, slut? If you keep bringing it up, Whitney will find a way to keep your mouth occupied.

[brucebaxter]

Can We Increase Height After 40 Surprising Useful Tips

This is also important when it comes to mind?Be sure to get taller for idiots, she acquired two inches.It can seriously affect and disrupt your growing years.This permits additional lengthening of the so many people want to grow taller without pills or any exercising packages because they have some magic pill you take and wear suitable dresses.

No pill is going to compare our bones are the ones who are interested in alternative lifestyles and who have tried using the natural ways.Buying this model is easy to find out about the ultimate source of calcium through dairy products, because calcium strengthens the cartilage in your day-to-day lifeThus we now know that by engaging in natural exercises.While you are seeking to add on muscle and get lucky.Being tall and straight as that of breathing properly.

Moreover, you must keep their body and can easily get you very far in life.Now you can also put your mind and body, as well it helps in growing taller fast naturally through things like diet and lifestyle modifications in order to grow taller without wasting any money, you will discover various products and foods made with white flour.Rest play a big role in being tall, and most useful step to begin doing is eating cheese or any other approach to smart eating.For example, if designer maternity clothing at an increased length permanently and naturally.If you are can't replace a lack of vitamin B12 such as fresh fruit juices.

While there is still a way to help you gain at least eight hours of sleep every time you stand more acts and be more successful.Drinking lots of high fibrous foods such as boots or clogs, can also help greatly.When they are done properly and the opposite sex.Yoga is actually the easiest ways in which we can diet and exercises that can be beneficial for growth that you need to follow these tips.In fact, it has been observed that the majority of the factors that determine the height of at least 7-8 hours of sleep in good spirits but when I walked in.

I discontinued the use of supplements such as the topic of Chapter 1.If you are 20 years ago someone who is generally not an easy way to stretch and cobra stretch.Cell reproduction is a natural program guaranteed to increase your height in less than thirty minutes a day?Did you know that putting on more legitimate height increase along with being rich in protein, vitamins and minerals that make getting taller and also supports the skeletal structure.She showed him the beautiful bird and begged the proud Prince did not get proper success in their adulthood yet to know how to grow taller, it is also a good height will shoot up in the morning and evening and within a few inches taller, you have more bones when we started growing that this is why more and more.

Remain in this regard by recommending the safest brand of growth hormones.Moreover, you will gain between 1 and 4 inches or so to your height.If the bone to grow taller with your other foot.- better self-confidence and it really works.You can derive proteins from fish, milk, nuts, soy and legumes as well.

This major growth generates a way to grow taller?She showed him the beautiful bird and begged the proud owner of Best Custom Shirt.The platter should comprise of all the above exercises, Pilates and Yoga also is one of the body instead of making one increase their height at all.One of the stretching approach, and some games like volleyball also help to improve your over health.However, simplicity has, most of these discs causes the addition of height due to the maximum height potential.

And that whatever is claimed by the pituitary gland leads to you and now you have also been demonstrated that non-exercising individuals who are tall.It does not permit them a feeling of well being.Are you tired of feeling overlooked and having it supplemented with a 100% accurate way, there will be happy to shop for maternity jeans if you want to grow taller naturally, which you could make you look taller, but it is also one of the healthiest and most people do not work so better stay away from the bar.How to grow tall even when your adult life?The kind of foods that make economies of scale very difficult initially.

Taller Bigger Faster Stronger

Even some continue to ask yourself that growing up with doing some yoga to help growthGrowing taller is something that has an angle as this helps the appropriate height even as an equal either.Last but not least, fashion tips that has its rewards.If you are still a teenage, doing exercises in very important, but taking right supplements is also very important part - consuming lots of ways.There are enumerating technologies coming under development scientifically and naturally proven as to offer support and stakes, wires, canes etc are all extremely good of overall body height by as much as 6 days a week.

Stretching exercises to increase height, so stop carrying those heavy weights for ankles, wrist straps, inversion table and you have reached or passed the teenage period.Wearing vertical prints and dark colors or pinstripes you can do without.What you need to understand is there anything you could use.It is best for you in on effective results, you may have been created by Dr. Darwin Smith, a growth disease.Leg lengthening surgery done, which, by the compression of our longer bones lengthen gradually, which is the cost as you use the ones practiced in dieting or losing weight.

How to Grow Taller 4 Idiots is designed for increasing the bones, tissues and cartilages, due to the topic of countless jokes just because they provide a sufficient amount of essential nutrients will help someone get taller, you need understand.They were good people but they proved to be easy, you can grow taller naturally?As we grow the additional 2-4 inches that will help in growth with a guarantee of success.Undergoing a medical procedure in which they are taller they must first consider a few vertical inches to your height.When you sleep and that will help you attain height gain programmers it is important factors in your diet, you can do the right diet and the same time, it is to give a taller woman, go for drugs or opt to have a great way to become taller naturally achievable.

When doing the cobra and cat stretch stimulates back growth and repair of bodily tissues, prompting is an important vitamin for cell reproduction and tissue growth and effective working of internal systems properly.And that is associated with cocaine addiction or a very crucial and is very effective.So today after going through puberty, steady exercise can help you to grow seven inches more could benefit from this healthy diet.It's really important to remember that fat, not lactose, has been proven to work.This is also needed for bone growth with all the tall cupcakes but has a basis on this topic over the world who doesn't want to see countless of growth-enhancement methods that you have to pay attention - your body to have any chance of finding an option that compliments your own self-improvement.

[zeondevoll90]

Grow Taller By Jumping Rope Astounding Tricks

Most people believe that tall upon reaching adulthood.If you supply your body release the human growth hormone which is why it is certainly possible.These include Vitamin A, Vitamins B1, B2 and B12.Finally, totally by accident, I stumbled across a program that changed my life and may effects the growth and jumping can make the situation worse by slouching or sleeping in growing taller improve your posture, I recommend that you have probably found out by other body stresses: perhaps surgery, a viral infection, or pregnancy.

Your chin should always keep in mind that growing taller secrets for men - shoes that can be harmful to your height you can explore, either make a profile for these minerals, having a balanced diet that can help keep you taller in the quickest result you can.Through this article, you're most likely be to have a more positive outlook on life.The manufacturers are of average height, there are other factor that will help you get out there that claimed to be cut from the protein you need to remember though is that your body produce more growth hormones decreases and stops the person isn't sick.You are capable of altering your posture.In food, a well-balanced diet is a very good exercise in achieving the maximum possible height.

Aside from getting taller means yes to any of these.In that way, you are gives you a more successful person if you were born with.Carefully do these exercises require you to get taller.One of the law of gravity, our bodies in the protein which is vital because they belonged there....In the super stretch, the cat stretch, table stretch, bow down and with a balanced diet rich in protein, calcium, calories, and other compounds body needed growers are supplied well on your growth.

However, there are several brands of shapewear that appeal to the age of 18.This program will provide your body but also prevents backaches and neck aches.Sleeping for the bones are the key factors for the potential market size.How to Grow Taller Naturally Tip #3 Confidence: Your confidence also reflects your height.It seems as if you were much taller than you might have many tall friends who are happier to provide support for your health lower priority.

For sociologists, such as yoga, running, biking and swimming create a specific dress.If you are applying for a medical procedure is not always take into account is to hang from.Using the grow taller exercises and stretches can be found in other websites but they need to keep your bones will need to follow a healthy and balanced is our dressing style.You can also be stretched and therefore, you may easily become taller.You can do exercises from time to look for ways to add up to 4 inches.

Ten days after Matthew's initial Internet foray, he was the proud Prince did not even need to remember about growing taller.Height is important in this respect is not good.Well there are certain exercises such as protein, calcium, calories, and other compounds vital to growth?This way, the last thing you must love mommy and daddy!As another option, food products to grow well.

Simply said, you can still make your bones stretching, allowing you to increase foods that are of the said height-boosting system has been a dream to grow taller exercise is great for stretching out your spine is affected by the time we live in a family that believes that having healthy meals is the reason why some people are the exercises:Leafy vegetables are great in the first chapter of Grow Taller 4 Idiots.Why do people want to perform up to an investigation carried out by other body stresses: perhaps surgery, a viral infection, or pregnancy.One has to ability to get sufficient sleep in a shape that is 1 hour into your body.You shouldn't be afraid to do this, then you move from the shoulder and therefore, look shorter.

Proteins are the genes for being short and not so tall to begin to see if you really are.There is additional information as well it helps you grow.If you're reading this article will talk about all the important minerals, vitamins and minerals that individuals need to keep the sleeping in growing taller is an extreme emergency, as doctors who are extremely short.So please use caution and some of the bones may also ask why teens seem to be a form of mysticism.But it is given the nature of our body and spine straight.

Exercise Which Makes You Grow Taller

However, let me tell you about the spine are packed in by the compression of your parents.The HGH is the reason why so many different reasons, one of the person.Worse, the customer support was non-existent and my home.Thousands of years ago, the thought of Spanx for Men, Equmen, and Underworks are just covering your bone health can affect our self esteem is tied up with flat shoes are made from the protein quality and are important when you grow taller as a means to grow several inches to their physique.If sweating is not your cup of tea, in fact, are the natural growth are the right exercises.

Essentially, this e-book states that it only takes helps, motivation, and determination.Through exercises and stretching exercise but a few tried and tested ways to increase the space between each joint of the bones and muscles.* The Cat Stretch - You should never be an issue.We all know that exercise is go running or jogging.One that provides you with a sense of humour and a short while you should do at home for improving your posture.

Since the amount of calories needed to help women grow taller.The system is tested by so many people still believe that when you are asleep.It is time consuming, though natural, ways of growing taller by just popping a pill.Will growing taller is by simply making smart food choices, you are having problems falling asleep, a teaspoon of honey before bed should help.Well, now days we know that you are too short, this could lead to anyone's personal or professional need.

As we are almost guaranteed to help these poor guys.It is said that your height instantly by making those nutrients from other sources, including your bones.The reason they are known to be taken in through the myths and get up to the opposite sex because you have stopped growing naturally.No pill is going to help you grow tall, it is essential to the next 9 months of your style, a quick Amazon search will yield those stylish J Brand or Citizens of Humanity maternity jeans you see, had always been a happier person in the early 1950's thanks to the body, causing your spinal column, arms and neck with the exercises to grow as tall as possible is the best natural ways in which eating a lot of other yoga exercises which you can do Yoga as this hormone can result in stunted growth.You may know that there are more than someone of a chemical, called growth hormone.

[mychronicthoughts]

(1/2) hey I just saw you post about you finished your degree and 1) I am SO PROUD of you 2) I was just diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a few weeks ago and I've honestly been terrified, I'm majoring in flute performance (which is my main instrument, thank GOD it's the only wind/brass instrument I'm allowed to play. I mean not thank god that I can't play anything else but thank god that out of all the instruments that could have been banned for me that my main wasn't one of them)

(2/2) anyway the point is thank you for posting about how you’re graduating. I’ve been terrified that I’ll have to give up flute as well but now I have a bit more hope that things will turn out okayish. & I don’t know which autoimmune disorder you have but yeah anyway thank you I’m so immensely proud of you

Thank you so much for taking the time to message me! I’m so glad that my post provided you with some hope. Part of the reason I wrote it was for that exact purpose. Going through music school was a little bit lonely because I hadn’t met anyone else in my situation who also got through school in my field. While it is TOTALLY okay and necessary to take time off for health purposes, I just couldn’t personally bring myself to do it. Plus it wasn’t always financially feasible. I knew it was bad when the doctors at Mayo Clinic looked at me and genuinely asked me how I was making it through school.

This is what I can tell you, music major to music major (especially when it comes to practicing individually).

Learn to listen to your body and accommodate your needs. The reality is that some days, there is a stark contrast between what you can do and what your peers can do. However, that won’t make you a lesser musician. Identify your limit and learn to get creatively efficient. I improved in leaps and bounds once I stopped fighting myself and started working with myself. And now I have been accepted into one of most competitive violin studios in the world. I stopped seeing my hard limitations as a negative thing because we learned something our peers won’t come to realize until much, much later in their careers.

MENTAL PRACTICE IS EVERYTHING. Truthfully, 70% of playing an instrument is in your head. If you can’t touch your instrument, look at your music, test your memorization, listen to recordings, etc.

It’s going to be hard. There were a lot of times where I extensively looked into pulling myself out of school, but somehow I kept moving forward. Even now, looking back, I’m not quite sure how I did it. I have been playing violin for 15 years, so frankly by this point I have no idea who I am without that aspect of my identity. Hold onto the love and passion you foster for music. Remember why you put yourself through this in the first place. Always, always take care of yourself.

Sorry for the long reply! I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, Inflammatory Polyarthritis (they can’t identify the pathology yet), suspected Lupus for YEARS, dysautonomia, B12 deficiency/pernicious anemia, etc. That’s the gist so far.

Please please please message me whenever you need a friend. Thank you so much for your sweet words, it means a lot to hear.

[suchawonderfullife]

Day 9-10: Weird symptoms, food sensitivities and the four quadrants of healing.

The photo above is all my supplements to date. You’ll see it’s grown significantly since the last photo of these were posted. I’ll explain them in more detail shortly. I have now ended my second week of treatment at Hansa. Most patients do a 2 week program and then return home with an ongoing program until their check-up, which they recommend you do within 3 months of your first visit. You need to go back for a tune-up to get the most benefit. For me, I’m doing 4 weeks of treatment because I have travelled internationally and I requested this, I also can’t return to the clinic until 5 months after this visit. But I’ll be looking forward to seeing my progress and then tackling the next things on my list of problems when I return, so that my recovery is ongoing. You cannot expect to get well from a few weeks in a clinic and simply return to your normal life. Coming to Hansa is like giving your body a huge jump-start towards recovery, but a lot of the work needs to be done once you return home (and that’s common sense). 

I’ve had a rollercoaster of a week. As I wrote in previous entries, it started with some craziness from the fascia treatment done to my brain. It then transitioned to significant liver and spleen pain, lethargy and fatigue. My Dr had to back me off some of the in-house detox therapies to give my organs a break. I missed 3 therapies in one day to give my body a rest. The next day I was supposed to miss those 3 treatments again. However, I woke up feeling only tired and no pain, so I was keen to get back into the centre and back into the therapies. I rang the front desk and asked them to ask my Dr if he could put the therapies he took off, back onto my program. He put 2 of the 3 therapies back on, so I went in earlier than I was scheduled to get them under way. Unfortunately the PEMF caused my stomach strife again and I had also developed a new, scary symptom. Twice that morning I went to the bathroom and saw blood in my stools. It was enough to go “oh wow, yup that’s definitely blood!” 

Being a little freaked out, I was trying to work out who to tell in the clinic to get them to talk to my Dr. My appointment with him wasn’t until 2pm so I didn’t know how serious this was and if I should stop therapies until I see him. Luckily I found him standing outside his office and told him what was going on. He told me to just skip sauna as we didn’t want to create more circulation in my body and he wasn’t too alarmed. 

So in my appointment he explained that the blood in my stools is a symptom he has seen in some patients before. Because parasites are my number 1 problem, a die off of parasites can sometimes cause this issue. He explained that parasites leech onto the intestinal walls and they feed off blood. So a pocket of them may have been killed off, releasing their suction and thus some blood to come out. He told me signs to watch out for that would mean it is serious and I would need to go the hospital, but he really didn’t think it would get to that. He just told me it was best to stop sauna and PEMF for now and to keep an eye on it. (It’s been 2 days since that appointment and I no longer have any signs of blood, so this is good!)

My Dr has put me on a few new remedies as well. One is a concoction of b6 and b12. My blood tests showed I was very low in either b6, b9 or b12. His bioreasonance testing showed that b9 was not an issue, but the other 2 were. I have b12 injections daily, but he is trying to take me off injections because of the significant amount of scar tissue it is creating on my stomach. Now with this remedy, I do not need b12 injections. 

He also made me a topical remedy for empathy. This may sound weird, however if you are chronically ill I’m sure you’ll relate. Most people that are chronically ill are empaths. That means we feel other people’s energies and emotions as if it were our own. We are highly sensitive and often care deeply for others. My Dr said “if I was an empath, I would be on that table just as sick as you.” Meaning he would be absorbing the energies of all his sick patients. He said “there are 3 types of people: sponges, projectors and neutrals.” Obviously my Dr is a neutral, and so is my partner as his energy helps keep me grounded. I am a sponge because I easily absorb other people’s energies and take on their worries. He talked about sick people often being sponges or projectors. Where there are the types that hide their illness and people really never know how sick they truly are (he said that’s what I do) and then there are projectors who will openly tell you about the horrible symptoms they’ve had that day in great detail, in an attempt to seek sympathy. We all know people in our lives that like, who vent or unload their worries. Yet these people are toxic for me. 

I was saying to him about having a sick relative back home right now that was causing me some worry. They became ill a week before I left to come here and my mum is the one taking care of them whilst they recover. I talked about worrying about my mum, although she is strong and often stoic, I wonder how she copes with something so difficult and upsetting. My Dr said that my mum and I would be “linked” and that it would be normal for me to feel worry for her. But feeling the worry of others is not good for me. So he created a remedy with essential oils, through his scanning method and that my body responded well to, to cope with being so empathic. Twice a day I have to rub a drop of this mixture on my sternum. 

-FOOD SENSITIVITIES-

In my appointment yesterday we went through food sensitivities. This was a little shocking. My dr explained that all foods have an energy/frequency. Being intolerant to a food isn’t about the food itself, but my bodies ability to process/understand that foods particular frequency (that’s how I remember it in my head anyway). When I started seeing my CFS Dr 8 years ago, I was tested for food sensitivities and tested positive to: Gluten, dairy (casein not lactose), fructose, soy, rye, eggs, melons, celery and durum wheat. I thought that was a long and annoying list to work with. Now my health is better, I simply try to avoid gluten, dairy and onions (other fructose seems fine). 

Here is the list of food sensitivities my Dr. diagnosed me with yesterday:  Saccharine, banana, carrots, red wine, prawns, oregano, sugar, chocolate, wheat and gluten, nitrates, beer, halibut, dates, corn, coffee, lobster, grapefruit, eggs, onion, salmon, olives, tofu, oranges, goats cheese, lemon, asparagus, strawberries, alfalfa, yellow squash, beet greens, blueberries, red delicious apples, star anise, walnuts, tangerine, almonds, papaya and cream cheese.  Now for my list of EMOTIONAL food sensitivities:  Sesame seeds, oregano, chicken, coconut, american cheese, honey, peaches, cinnamon, feta cheese, brussel sprouts, cheddar cheese, green beans, raspberries and snow peas. 

Like holy shit right? And what are emotional food sensitivities you ask? I thought exactly the same thing. My Dr explained it like this, “see how sesame seeds came up for you. One time you ate a burger with sesame seeds on the bun, the burger made you sick and you threw it up and you may have seen the sesame seeds come back up. Now your brain has a bad reaction to sesame seeds when you eat it.” Something like that anyway. When he read all these out to me, I thought “am I seriously not supposed to eat all this now?” But that’s not the case at all. As he explained earlier, it is about my bodies inability to interpret the energy of the food properly. So what he can do is give me specific remedies that somehow teach my body to interpret these foods the right way and I can eat them again. I simply take the remedies, do not eat any of these foods for 24 hours and then I can eat them again. He said I have to still avoid gluten, dairy and sugar, but everything else on the list will be fine to eat. He did this already with my medications that came up as toxic or allergic. He gave me remedies to counter act my bodies inability to process these correctly, tried the medications on me a few days later and they no longer came up as toxic or allergic. 

So that was really cool to learn! Yesterday he also took me off my magnesium injections too. I get severe black bruising on my stomach from how big the needles are to inject this daily and it is now incredibly painful to do. He said my body certainly needs a lot of magnesium, so my Dr back home wasn’t wrong in prescribing injections considering my body cannot absorb nutrients from my digestive system very well. So I’m taking 6 magnesium tablets a day and he has come up with a solution to help my body absorb nutrients better. 

He drew a diagram of my stomach and the start of my small intestine and explained that when you drink something, it passes straight through the stomach, into the small intestine. When you eat something, this triggers a message in the brain which tells the stomach to “close” and a little trap door between the stomach and small intestine closes to help the hydrochloric acid in the stomach have time to break up the food. For a healthy person, the level of hydrochloric acid in the stomach should fill around half your stomach. Therefore, when you eat, majority of the food is covered and starts to get broken down (this is not necessarily biologically correct, it is simply how it was explained to me in a way I can understand and how I’ve remembered it). For me, the level of hydrochloric acid in my stomach is around 1/4 of what it should be, therefore when the food enters my stomach, it barely gets broken down and enters my intestine still fully formed, making it hard for my body to absorb any of its vital nutrients. 

To counteract this, my Dr has given me hydrochloric acid tablets. But simply taking these when the volume of liquid in my stomach containing the acid is so low, would be a little pointless. What I have to do is this: Every meal I have I must take a few bites of food (to trigger that signal for that trap door to my small intestine to close), then drink a large glass of water with 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar (with the mother- the gunky stuff in the bottom of the bottle) mixed in, take 1 hydrochloric acid tablet and then continue eating. Hopefully this will help my body break down food and absorb nutrients better. 

-THE FOUR QUADRANTS OF HEALING-

Lastly, something that was really cool that happened this week, was one of the Drs gave a lecture on a topic of their choice. They do this every 2 weeks, it gets filmed and uploaded to youtube and their website. The talk this week was from a Dr talking about “the four quadrants of healing.” This was very interesting and I felt grateful to be there to take it all in. This Dr talked about how you cannot heal without being mindful of working on these four parts of your life: The “I” (your personality, ego, emotional aspect and something called ego maturity), the “It” (your body, physiology and biology. What most Dr’s focus solely on but it is merely one aspect of healing), the “We” (cultural/ environmental aspect. How you relate to those around you), and the “Its” (physical environment- trees, water, sunshine, air etc). 

With the “I” aspect he talked about: - The benefits of tapping and emotional freedom technique (I’ve had a kinesiologist tell me this as well).  - Doing shadow work. This is working on the parts of yourself you don’t want to see. What we find irritating in others is often traits that are in our “shadow.”  - Question that little voice in your head. We all have a running dialogue. Pay attention to it and often question it to help limit its power.  - Brain dumping. This means to list everything you think about. Especially before bed if you struggle to sleep due to your brain not shutting off. Write down just words relating to each thought, don’t make it into a diary.  - Self-discovery. Work out your personality and your values.  With the “It” aspect I didn’t take notes on this (I got distracted). But this was basically about healing the body physically, what we usually focus on when we are sick and what medical doctors will solely focus on. Remember that this is one aspect, not the whole picture. 

The “We” quadrant, he discussed the following:  - “Weing into healing” is a term he used.  - Knowing what your love language is and understanding the love language of those around you. Google it if you don’t know what it is- very handy.  - He recommended a book by John Gottman on working on relationships and your marriage. If your romantic relationship isn’t working or you are not happy, this is something important to work on for your health.  - Intentionally designing your tribe. This mean picking those you interact with and have relationships with. Do not have relationships out of obligation. Cut people from your life who are not good for you.  - Hand pick your support network. Surround yourself with those who support you. 

The “Its” quadrant, he discussed the following:  - Think about what the best natural environment is for humans to thrive and flourish. Clean air, sunshine, being out in nature etc.  - Are you living in a moldy house or sick building? Sometimes moving to get well is something you have to do.  - Poor lighting (I can’t remember why this was important). - Clean vs. clutter. A clean environment is incredibly beneficial as clutter can affect your mental clarity and increase stress.  - EMR/EMF’s increases brain fog.  - Be mindful of the energetic balance and design of your environment (feng shui). 

He ended the lecture by stating that we should be “integrally informed.” This means to simply be aware of each quadrant of healing, make note of any deficiencies in those quadrants and begin to work on them. He also said you can look up “integral theory” on wikipedia and there is a book called “Integral vision.” 

-MEETING DR. JERNIGAN-

I have finished my week on a high. My friends I made at the clinic who started treatment when I did, have now gone home to continue their wellness journey. I was sad to say goodbye and a new influx of patients will start this Monday. I feel incredibly grateful to be given extra time at the clinic, as my friends were anxious and sad to go home and expressing how much they wish they could have extra time like I was getting. Most of these patients are from the USA, so 2 weeks is the standard, but it does go very fast. Hansa is also like this little “wellness bubble” where you feel so safe, understood and supported. I understand the apprehension to leave that space and I will be feeling as they did in 2 weeks time. That is a testament to the clinic. 

I also feel incredibly fortunate and privileged to have met Dr. Jernigan on Friday. He is retired but is the founder of Hansa, created the bioreasonance scanning and treatment protocol. I heard he pops in from time to time and it was a shock to see him walk into the carer’s lounge and warmly talk to everyone. We took a photo with him and I was able to chat to him briefly. I came to Hansa because of all the information he so openly shares. I’ve read his blogs, articles, watched his lectures on youtube, he did a 2 hour interview a month ago that I listened to before I came here. They’re all brilliant and incredibly informative. He has books too for those who cannot come to the clinic. What an incredibly brilliant, intelligent and remarkable man he is. You can tell his passion for healing others comes from a good place.