#but it IS a problem within THEIR context
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i think it would be really helpful if appended to any post regarding opinions on and discussions of fiction, the op had to append a list of the fiction they have experienced and enjoyed in their lifetime. No more context collapse. There are no downsides to this
#indexed post#This can seem like a ‘name and shame list’ but i mean it in the completely neutral sense#If someone loves YA and i come across their post abt trends in fiction im likely gonna be like#That is literally not a problem bro idk what youre talking about#but it IS a problem within THEIR context#and conversely if someone sees a post about litcrit and makes it into ao3 fandom discourse its obvs annoying#but i mean out of context ofc theyre going to think that#If we knew when we were out of our depth and should back off.. the world.. could be a better place.. who knows!
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was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.
and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.
because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"
and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.
and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.
and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.
so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.
and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?
and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr meta#can i even call this one?? well i'm going to anyway lol#yamamoto takeshi#sawada tsunayoshi#i've never been normal about devotion in stories and characters and won't ever be so sorry if this doesn't make sense#also this is not to say the 10th gen loves tsuna any less unconditionally this isn't a competition#it's just me saying the particularities and specificities of the way takeshi specifically does it appeal to me the most#which is one of the reasons why i have such a big soft spot for 8027#and it's not a problem in their relationship either btw that's also not what i'm saying#like tsuna doesn't mind it and absolutely /does/ reciprocate it 100%#he's just careful to keep an eye out so none of them will lose themselves along the way#also this is within the context of me shifting canon slightly to the left in the way where the 10th gen loves tsuna /so much/#they could just as well actually and properly worship him as a god and it still wouldn't make a single difference#and me liking to lean into that fully and taking it to extremes and it inevitably becoming some extent of dark#because considering the environment canon makes them express it (the mafia) it's like. well how else are they meant to keep it alive#and make sure it survives through it without giving it sharp teeth and claws and jagged edges of its own you know?#so if you feel like this is some kind of ooc-ness you're not wrong#but also consider: i'm not wrong either <3#anyway consider also: unconditional devotion running /so/ deep down to your marrow and to your very essence#even in the face of the whole world telling you how wrong it is and how insane and unhinged you are for it and condemning you for it#it still wouldn't so much as make you consider the thought they might have a point#and i genuinely EAT that shit up every time i love to see it <3
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WAIT WAIT WAIT CHERIK MPREG IS CANON
i cannot stress enough how canon cherik mpreg is, yes my friend
#snap chats#i could elaborate in the main body but i cant distract from the epic statement 'cherik mpreg is canon'#ill elaborate down here tho LOL. not extensively Just Enough to provide context#anyways 90's run where erik's on his bullshit as per usual and at some point rips the adamantium out of logan's body#which causes charles to . how do you even describe what happens Like He Invades Erik's Mind To Get Him To Cut That Shit#cause this was just The Final Straw at that point#but the problem is while charles is in erik's mind. And I Quote. Paraphrase Whatever Its Been A Minute#'something implants itself within charles' and onslaught just kinda festers in the back of charles' mind for a while#and onslaught is basically just. every evil/dark/wrong thought charles has ever had + erik's rage and 'lust for power'#my exact memory of events gets hazy here but im p sure charles abandons his body for a bit which enables onslaught to take over#aaaand yeah we have that thing running around now. kinda. we made a pocket dimension to escape it.#onslaught returns in krakoa after being implanted in a mutant named lost#and onslaught would feed off the lost time in-between resurrections#like say you die monday and get brought back wednesday- all of tuesday goes to feeding onslaught#he doesnt actually Show Up show up for most of it hes more of a looming presence which i fw#and then he tries to get everyone to kill each other at the gala while making charles delete back-up data#onslaught does physically appear by the end of onslaught revelation once charles snaps out of the mind control at the gala#and erik's checking on him and Im Pretty Sure just by virtue of them being next to eachother onslaught manifests#cute shit really !!!!! but yeah thats a very VERY quick (and prob a lil wrong) rundown of onslaught's premise
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i can't with all these "the show is highlighting tommy's jealousy, they're planting seeds that it will cause problems" takes like bffr. he mentioned being envious over the 118's dynamic twice, sure, but in what world (literally how?) would that cause a relationship problem? do yall expect him to be in cahoots with gerrard behind their back and murder buck to take over his life or something?? like even with the hyperbole aside, i genuinely cannot see how they can turn this into relationship drama without going against everything they showed us with tommy so far
#he literally reassured buck about his relationships in that first scene he's fine with it#he asked how buck was doing about bobby because again he KNOWS (he literally has eyes & was there to witness buck save bobby from the ship)#how much bobby means to him like do yall think 6 months into their relationship he will be unable to deal with this and what? demand buck#not be so close with them?#or that he will want to be a part of that too and buck (who in turn reassured him about this in 7x04) will be like#“uhm babe you wanting to be friends with my friends is giving me the ick?”#like whats the logic here#i'll eat my words if 911 can spin this as relationship drama i will#but im also certain this is not going the way you guys think it will#if anything the most logical follow up to this is tommy connecting with these people more as he desires and it being a good thing for both#tommy's character and bucktommy's relationship#ok rant over#911#bucktommy#tevan#kinley#edit: the only think i can think of is if he feels neglected bc say buck needs to make time for someone else but even that doesn't make#sense because buck NEVER neglected his love interests and tommy is literally friends with all these ppl to a degree so he'd arguably#understand it more than any of his exes (none of whom had any problems with buck#'s relationships within the 118)#i think you're just ignoring the context of these scenes because they paint the bigger picture of tommy being fully accepting of these#relationships so unless something changes drastically (an external thing making him feel insecure about it/buck going too ooc and#neglecting his significant other entirely etc.) i dont see how this can be a problem#mimi.txt
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Many things were used to describe the mad hermit of Amaurot: a drunkard, degenerate, cynical, and even monstrous by those who stirred trouble for the newly appointed Azem. But nothing could prepare Emet-Selch for what he would see for himself, when offered a chance to meet the Sun's Shadow.
#ffxiv#ancients#endwalker spoilers#emet selch#lahabrea#azem#azem oc#apollo#dionysus#hemitheos dionysus because I like the thought that anyone with soul sight will look at him#and they get to be jumpscared by what i like to personally imagine as a winged embodiment of void or the abyss#I would say the moon but within the context of FFXIV the moon isnt actually a normal astral body#though like azem/apollo and the role of the sun#I write dionysus to be the astrological moon#a character who represents the subconscious and the self- who often sees and brings out the worst in those around him#how I basically describe as being around him will break you to your barest so you can remake yourself into something better than before#unfortunately for the convocation he is also an antithesis to their ways and their biggest critic- out of love- funnily enough#also dont mind the idea that magic (especially creation magic) is so deeply ingrained that the idea of manual work is surprising to people#dionysus has to constantly use his aether to suppress his power he's either doing things by hand or sleeping#ancient zenos does not get to escape the sleepy curse#weird vintner in the mountains found lounging off in the middle of his vineyard#emet expecting dion to be the problem out of the duo until he realizes that /apollo/ is the overprotective cryptic and chaotic weirdo#with the power to stop an active volcano#and dion is the chill and collected hardworking man who despite everything is more human than most#tbh this was mostly inspired by the scenes with thordan and varis and how they react to WoL and Zenos in those moments#for dion/zenos it is their being while on the flip side for WoL/Azem it is their choices and the expression of such choices
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Okay I’m going to say it, some of y’all treat the KOTLC tag like it’s a tumblr community instead of an organization system that gathers together everything people post and tag as KOTLC
#unless something has absolutely nothing to do with kotlc#no one is in their right to tell you to not tag something at kotlc. just so you know.#you can’t clog up a tag. that’s not a THING#no one talks about this in bigger fandoms. we only have this problem bc it’s a small fandom and people are used to going to the tag#to find the content they want#and if they aren’t finding the content they want too bad so sad.#like I’m not saying you can just tag whatever as kotlc#but if it’s about kotlc in any way. you are well within your right to tag it as such.#Im ALL FOR properly tagging. like don’t improperly tag. that’s just mean#and that DOES interrupt tags :/#but there’s no way for you to post too much about any one topic#the kotlc tag is NOT a curated space. it’s not a place of all these assorted kotlc posts in similar formats#it’s a space for everything tagged as kotlc#so unless you look at the post and are like ‘this doesn’t even mention kotlc or any of its characters???’#you can scroll along your merry way!#kotlc#it’s something that’s come up in both the right and wrong contexts#during tam cam people told ppl talking about just the identity stuff to keep it out of the kotlc tag and that was CORRECT bc that wasn’t#about kotlc. but also during tam cam people put in my ask box that there were too many tam cam meme posts and that they were clogging up#the tag. to which I say A) I was only making like a quarter of those and B) those have to do with kotlc so you can suck it up! in the end I#didn’t respond. but yeah. i get that there’s a time and place for us to be like hey that doesn’t belong here#but whether or not something belongs in the tag has NOTHING to do with how much you want to see it or how many posts are being made about it#thank you and have a nice day. and if you want a curated space of similarly formatted kotlc posts you should make a community#Ik our tag often functions like one bc we are a small fandom. but we are NOT entitled to that.
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i've been reading some essays about the history of what is called 'modern sikh theology' and how the idea of sikhi having a theology - which is a specifically western phenomenon, a concept of 'theology' as a distinct idea - was created out of the singh sabha movement from the late 19th and early 20th century whose primary historical-material goals were to create an interpretation of sikhi that would allow sikhs to retain a special status under the british colonial rule, aligning ourselves with christian ideas and understandings of what a religion is, what a theology is, and to emphasize our difference and therefore superiority to both hindus and muslims in the eyes of the british empire. and how the ideas of the singh sabha movement have become the primary ways in which we understand sikhi, the language we use to talk about sikhi in english, the ways in which we choose to translate sikhi and the teachings of the gurus into english. prior to that the concept of 'gurmat' (the teachings of the gurus, the fundamental ideas of sikhi) did not have an english translation which it is now equated to 'theology'. like prior to this sikhi was not emphasized as a monotheistic religion, because those terms and concepts are english ones, and these ideas have penetrated our understanding of sikhi as sikhs even when reading the original punjabi text, within our communities. and i'm kind of interested in a way of conceptualizing sikhi that does not appeal to western understandings of religion or theology, that does not necessarily try to situate itself as inherently distinct from either islam or hinduism but part of a greater cultural continuum, while acknowledging (and reiterating, expanding) the doctrinal emphases on equality among all, and the explicit rejection of caste that gurmat takes. because we know that while casteism is rejected from a religious standpoint, within sangat and langar, it absolutely is still present outside of the gurdwara within our communities. my own understanding of sikhi is monist or pantheistic, and from what i have read prior to british rule in punjab that kind of understanding of sikhi was more common; it has been heavily compared with the vedanta school as well as sufism, and both are practices i feel a lot of intellectual fondness for. and i feel incredibly limited by my extremely rudimentary punjabi language abilities, and i feel that without gaining that specific language knowledge there really isn't a way for me to engage more deeply with this subject because it will always be filtered through english.
#1. i wish my babaji was still here so i could talk to him... he was gyani and read so much and knew so much and could teach me so much#2. i desperately need to improve my punjabi and gurmukhi#a problem is - which is brought up in these essays - that understanding sikhi through historical material terms is viewed negatively#by many sikhs and so trying to talk about these things as existing within a historical context rathern than a religious one upsets people
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Academics who discuss plato without letting their christian biases aside DNI
#I'M TIRED#I'm trying to do my due diligence and read as much as i can about the first Alcibiades#because i want my comic based on it to be a serious attempt.#but i have to go through so. many. christianity-based analyses like i don't understand why this problem is so widespread#if you want to discuss plato within a religious context mark it as such or something
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WHY DID THEY GIVE HIM A BIRD LMAO
I get it, he flies in the air like birb, I get it, but like- you can't make him a bird guy, his already-non-existent incel rizz can't fucking take a hit like that 😂
#the worst part is it's 100% believable that he *would* be the kinda guy to get way too into keeping a bird/birds given the opportunity#is the problem is it's fully within his character#(for context he doesn't have a real bird (so far 👀 I suppose it would be in the cards for a pirate) which is why this is a wild choice)#one piece#for the record: I have no beef w bird people#they're hecking cool and alt and if we didn't have cats growing up I might've been one of them#it's merely in line with the usual comedy of sanji trying to conform to the normie lifestyle so hard#and failing at it so miserably because of who he is as a person#guys you meet at the medieval market (affectionate and derogatory at the same time somehow)#at least make it like a chicken or smth that would be useful for cooking purposes#smth smth birds of prey harley quinn movie lesbianism joke
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hey guys. i'm not the only one who hears the lyrics to this song and thinks snowgrave kris and noelle right
#deltarune#kris dreemurr#noelle holiday#kriselle#i guess. i ship them but not really in snowgrave since i feel like that goes against a point it tries to make lol#but ya i see this from kris' pov. its 'im your man' by mitski#i feel like this touches on the commentary in the subtext of snowgrave about cisheteronormativity in video games#and how in the world of deltarune which for its inhabitants is indeed real. us asserting ourselves onto another person through a person#within that world just to satisfy our loneliness. especially a cishet mans loneliness. is kinda messed up#especially when its through 'manipulation' that the girl these people go through in the game world already has trouble standing up for#herself. and with that manipulation she is convinced that shes become stronger and more assertive#yet its only caused more and more problems#if that makes sense idk#so this is kris basically apologizing to noelle for everything thats happened on a snowgrave route. to me.#blaming theirself for things going this way#also it makes me think about snowgrave in the context of future chapters and noelle being the angel#and kris possibly having to face her in battle idk lol#anyway ya that was a lot. those are my thoughts
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I don’t even fully know why but “what do I do when I miss you so much?” / “Just wait, and pray desperately” was a knife to my heart in the best way.
#crash landing on you#my grandma once said most of life was waiting and praying#and when he said it it just resonated so deeply#I think because. it’s not like a revelation or anything#but I think it’s just because she was suffering so much and had suffered so much#and so in that moment#he just takes care of her so completely and gives her hope. and not a false hope#a true one#and on deeper reflection the ending does work within the context of this (in my opinion) most powerful scene#/ apex of the show#it’s just the tone that’s a little wrong. that’s too aesthetic-y.#because the kind of steady way he keeps taking care of her from afar. and the slow build of her recovering but continuing to hope#couldn’t lead them anywhere except a happy ending. even if the final pieces of it couldn’t be unraveled (or put together)#by the show’s writing. so it just kind of has to fade to black so to speak#because the characters have been so steady and consistent a) in their personalities motivations and desires#and b) in their love for each other! that never falters or betrays a false note#and it’s the truest thing you’re left with. which is why—again—I actually think the problem might have been the tone#I would have gone for something more muted. I would have had them be talking and/or arguing a little more in their old way#to keep and sustain the idea that there is more work ahead for them that we’re just not going to see#but that is ultimately a kind of nitpick. and the take me to the lakes vibe of that final#scene is also not untrue.#also circling back for a second can I just SAY. that I love the balance of their vulnerabilities#there are such clear and distinct times where one of them is stronger and the other more vulnerable#and it’s sooooo perfect to watch and gives you many instant layers#anyway I’m crying in this Chili’s tonight (*my bed at 7:00 am)
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people really do not know what they're talking about when it comes to Elizabeth Woodville's social status, huh?
#yes Elizabeth was without a doubt considered too low-born to be queen#no she was not a commoner and nobody actually called her that during her life (so I'm not sure why people are claiming that they did?)#Elizabeth's social status was not a problem in itself; it was a problem in the context of queenship and marrying into royalty#Context is important in this and for literally everything else when it comes to analyzing history. Any discussion is worthless without it.#obviously pop culture-esque articles claiming that she was 'a commoner who captured the king's heart' are wrong; she wasn't#But emphasizing that ACTUALLY she was part of the gentry with a well-born mother and just leaving it at that as some sort of “GOTCHA!”#is equally if not more irresponsible and entirely irrelevant to discussions of the actual time period we're studying.#Elizabeth *was* considered unworthy and unacceptable as queen precisely because of her lower social status#her father and brother had literally been derided as social-climbers by Salisbury Warwick and Edward himself just a few years earlier#the Woodvilles' marriage prospects clearly reflected their status (and 'place') in society: EW herself had first married a knight and all#siblings married within the gentry to people of a similar status. compare that to the prestigious marriages arranged after EW became queen#Elizabeth having a lower social status was not 'created' by propaganda against her; it fueled and shaped propaganda against her#that's a huge huge difference; it's irresponsible and silly to conflate the two as I've seen a recent tumblr post cavalierly do#like I said she was considered too low-born to be queen long before any of the propaganda Warwick Clarence or Richard put out against her#and the fact that Elizabeth was targeted on the basis of her social status was in itself novel and unprecedented#no queen before her was ever targeted in such a manner; Clearly Elizabeth was considered notably 'different' in that regard#(and was quite literally framed as the enemy and destroyer of 'the old royal blood of this realm' and all its actual 'inheritors' like..)#ngl this sort of discussion always leaves a bad taste in my mouth#because it's not like England and France (et all) are at war or consider each other mortal enemies in the 21st century#both are in fact western european imperialistic nations who've been nothing but a blight to the rest of the world including my own country#yet academic historians clearly have no problem contextualizing the xenophobia that medieval foreign queens faced as products of their time#and sympathizing with them accordingly (Eleanor of Provence; Joan of Navarre; Margaret of Anjou; etc)(at least by their own historians)#Nor were foreign queens the “worst” targets of xenophobia: that was their attendants or in times of war commoners or soldiers#who actually had to bear the brunt of English aggression#queens were ultimately protected and guaranteed at least a veneer of dignity and respect because of their royal status#yet once again historians and people have no problem contextualizing and understanding their difficulties regardless of all this#so what is the problem with contextualizing the classism *Elizabeth* faced and understanding *her* difficulties?#why is the prejudice against her constantly diminished & downplayed? (Ive never even seen any historian directly refer to it as 'classism')#after all it was *Elizabeth* who was more vulnerable than any queen before her due to her lack of powerful foreign or national support#and Elizabeth who faced a form of propaganda distinctly unprecedented for queens. it SHOULD be emphasized more.
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I’m always hesitant to talk about a problem that’s in Christian communities online because you get a lot of people telling you just to leave Christianity and our beliefs. I once saw a post from a woman pastor talking about the sexism she faces and how much more difficult it was for her and most of the replies were people telling her to abandon her beliefs or just being rude and stuff.
I know things like this are important to talk about and the internet is the best way to connect with people and spread awareness but it also means that people who hate have access to this kind of information and they try and use it against us.
One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision:“Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. (10 )For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.” —Acts 18:9-10
Also in that situation the best thing to do would probably be to block those people they clearly don’t care about the situation or the people affected by it. I know it doesn’t make the feeling go away but it prevents more people like that from seeing that post
#christblr#chrumblr#✝️umblr#christian culture#christianity#christian vent#Yes I know the context is Paul is worried about preaching in Corinth and he’s scared he will be killed#But I think it still fits like just replace city with the internet#And take the attacking and hurting thing more metaphorical#And it works I think#Also I'm going to say this as a woman who has been volunteering with her church for years#Sexism is a problem within Christianity#A problem that we are working on extensively#However when a a person tells us just to abandon Christianity. that is a no better reaction than telling us that it doesn’t exist
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do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?
that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.
maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.
like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.
he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.
of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.
so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.
of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.
just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.
#will byers#byler#mine#long post#will#anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different#within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative#bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my#friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded#by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're#growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to#those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't#find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you#know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened#to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that#u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th#and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't#think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further#as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc#his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad#that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such#he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives#as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd#and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now#there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so#also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT.#he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is#jus my take 😁👍
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idk if i trust anyone to write an analysis about kaiser
#tbf im not sure if i trust myself either 😭😭#somehow you have to criticize his abusive behaviour while also keeping his personal problems in mind#somehow you have to acknowledge his past as a reason but not an excuse#you have to point out that a lot of his shitty behaviour is a result of his NPD while also trying not to demonize NPD as a whole#a lot of people have been saying stuff like 'kaiser's past explains why he is the way that he is '#and like yeah but a lot of egotypicals view it as 'okay so this is how kaiser went from A to B'#(the word egotypical within the context of blue lock is so funny 😭😭)#but like. for me it's like 'well if A happens then obviously you go to B then you reach C which leads to D.... all the way to Z'#there's a logic behind what kaiser does#it's not good logic but god. i see the exact logic he uses 😭😭#blue lock#bllk#michael kaiser
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i absolutely cannot let myself get started on another fic until im at least onto chapter 5 of caecilian but the temptation to write something of aaravi taking miranda monster hunting and describing the entire EVERYTHING there is real
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#mostly in the duality that is#what aaravi actually does as a monster slayer and the context that it exists within both in her own life and within the world#and with the fact that miranda doesnt actually sincerely identify as a monster nor care about that divide#to her this is landfolk on landfolk problems that merfolk have absolutely no involvement in#she only gets labelled a monster by landfolk who care about this and using criteria that wasnt made with merfolk in mind#and goes with it because really shes trying to do her job and serve an ambassador role and Whatever#its the same as her picking a gender basically at random. there wasnt a none of the above option that was offered nor applied#to her aaravi is basically a mercenary and thus her feelings are the same as a mercenary#shes not meaningfully different than anyone miranda already knows through bellanda#and aaravi has. complicated feelings about it.#aaravi has complicated feelings about all of this#miranda occupies a role like aaravi herself where she fails to fit into either side of a duality#but aaravi also has a rising guilt about her involvement that she has to explain to miranda in the first place#and all of this parallels miranda's role as princess too#about how little aaravi knows about her atrocities and what shes done and what it MEANS for her to be what she is#as someone who was never subjected to it and has no context for how bad it really is#theyre very much two sides of the same coin tbh#very alike each other but in opposite contexts#which tbh is part of why they work so well#its the combination of understanding and support and yet just enough challenge to stop them from buckling down harder#theyre able to call each other out because they know personally exactly whats happening in the others mind#which is also why i dont like ships that just wholeheartedly encourage aaravis whole everything without understanding whats going on#the same as why i hate ships and endings that have the other person just joining miranda as royalty#like. no. no these are not neutral endings here. you do not get to absolve anyones involvement here.
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