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maroonghoul · 11 months

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Terror Time 2023: Days 7 thru 12

Possession (1981) I don't know what happened in this movie at all, and that's not a complaint. I came for two balls-to-the-wall scenery chewing performances, along with sex with Lovecraftian creatures, and I got it all.

As for everything else, I don't know where the creature came from, or what it's supposed to represent, in-universe or out. Though considering the bookends with Same Neil's employers here, and how one of them had pink socks like his unseen target described at the beginning... Maybe this all a situation similar to Possessor, where because he didn't want to come back, the creature was sent to replace him. After all, how do we know it's the only one? I guess what I'm saying it, this is about a quite literal destruction of the nuclear family. Getting rid of that might as well feel as earth shattering as actual nuclear destruction to the current generation. Though speaking of monster duplicates with possible plans of world domination...

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) I first watched this around 20 years ago, coming away scared of the idea pod people could ever come for me. Now I watch it, knowing on some level, I became one of them long ago.

Self-depreciating aside, the big thing I noticed this time around was "anvilicious" the theme was. the original movie was about communism, the 1990s version was supposedly about AIDS and the military, and the 2007 version was about the war on terror, all to varying degrees of quality, I hear. This one, I heard it's about the rise of the baby boomers and all the self-absorption that came with it, and we're still dealing with today. But I also saw a theme of city alienation, along with gentrification caused by conservatives. (That "maybe he's a republican" line also aged too well, especially with who became president just a few years later).

The famous ending scene of the movie, (moreso then all other scenes, so the surprise is ruined basically forever), can be a metaphor that if force doesn't make you assimilate, total hopelessness will do the trick.

I'm surprised there still hasn't been a fifth version at this point. I guess one of two main themes they can make it about (destruction of global culture via the melting pot of America) they touched on here, and, as demonstrated in a video by La'Ron Readus (https://youtu.be/9rJt6SeZfC0?si=kUC3A6gm9ysN8Q60), Get Out pretty much ending up tackling that already. Check his video and his channel out!

The other theme I can think of is climate change, but they even implied that here too. How much you want to bet their "dying world" died because of them? That they spent 100% of their energy surviving, they didn't stop and think about the actual big picture of the world they live on? The common perspective on logic vs emotion is that emotion is dumber, and more chaotic and hurtful then logic, but I liked to think of it as a gut instinct about the world around you that, even though you have no proof, can warrant analysis and investigation. That can at least help your psyche, and at most get a new angle on an issue you and everyone else takes for granted but can gain more. Logic is a tool, not the end.

Ending this by getting back to my opening joke metaphor, I'm hoping that it's more I'm nodding off and my duplicate is still a work in progress that can still be stopped. Part of the reason why I write, as well as just watch horror movies in general, is my effort to not become like them. It's helping a bit for now, but I think in the near future, I'll have to do more.

You Might Be The Killer (2018) This was kind of a funny idea. A slasher having a confidant to try and work out how he got to this point. Along with what I think was a subversion of a Final Girl. They kept expecting it from a supposed pure person, but is instead one that is a little too comfortable killing people, even takes to being the new killer more then the previous host. But yeah, they didn't do enough with this to justify feature-length. Honestly, a normal person brainwashed into a slasher, old family curses, the "hero" actually might being the real villain; the Fear Street Trilogy handled alot of the same stuff here, and frankly, better.

Spree aka the most Zoomer slasher ever. That's not an insult, either of zoomers or the movie. It's effectively in the same family as movies like Taxi Driver and American Psycho but with Tiktok lingo. That sound like a bad cut and paste job, but a good cut and paste job, like this one is, proves that really, all these new developments in technology and social connections have done nothing to solve societal problems that have been with us for generations. Scary and sad, but if it's true, it's true. This was uncomfortable in a good way for the most part, pretty impressive for a premise that could've been so in a bad way (besides all the secondhand embarrassment I felt with our villain protagonist). This movie's essentially about a spree shooter, so I don't think it's an accident he (mostly) doesn't use a gun. When he does, it's saved for near the end and a moment that's the final nail in the coffin for him being actually sympathetic.

Given that I'm talking about a movie about social media ON social media, I have to reflect a bit on it. I'm not looking for loads of followers. Sure, there was a time where I thought it was something amazing, when I joined Facebook for the first time. Until I realized that, even though I went to high school with all those my first few accepted friend requests, I had nothing of substance to talk about with them. So now, I'm either trying to find people with common interests, (especially in my area) or trying to express my honest thoughts on a subject I can engage in good faith about. Besides monetary reasons, I never understood being obsessed with having the most subscribers or views. I guess they're looking for fans rather then friends. Like I said with Pearl, it's a pursuit that is over before it's started if you can't find people who want to see it. When it comes down to it, I'd rather make connections with only a few people rather than a chat filled with gremlins. Showbiz is only worth it if you have something to show, not just something you think you want.

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel The original was one of the most unsettling found footage films I have ever seen, with a fairly original set up and one of the creepiest clowns ever, mostly because it took the less is more approach. This one got rid of one of those; padding it out with so many people we supposed to believe are stupid enough to enter a haunted house with a confirmed body count! Even the scares felt less diverse; a lot of ghost woman with the same eye contacts.

Eh, to be fair, it's still unsettling, thanks to them using the same set. Sure, the last scene wasn't scary, but hey, it was near the end so they could get away with it, and Tully still pretty much won so...

The Sadness It's either Mayhem, but more larger scale and darker or the Crazies remake but bloodier and with a darker ending. I knew things wouldn't end well for the main couple just from how lovey-dovey the first few scenes were, but it was actually bleaker than I expected. I expected them either one of them to die or both to die and they'd all be real sad about it. I didn't expect one, if not both of them to get infected, and when they died, neither of them were giving a shit about the other. Yikes.

Also, I knew I was warned about the content going in, but I didn't have a reaction to it. I'm weird that way, I guess. I'm warned that this and Crimes of the Future were too intense, and I just shrug it off. But Malignant for some reason, gets me light-headed? Maybe it's more I can't stand hospitals, at least in movies.

The Babysitter (2017) This was super goofy, though a bit too pop culture heavy. I could've done with a bit more satanism, either more rituals or an actual demon. Also, move aside Home Alone; this the real Die Hard with a kid. Yeah, Samara Weaving's charisma is apparent even this early ( and really funny she's in a movie about two years later that has a similar premise but with her on the other side), but my favorite cultist is actually Max. I always liked seeing this himbo henchmen we've been getting the past 20 years or so. The guy who, if he's not trying to kill you at the moment, is actually trying to be your friend. I even been seeing this archetype in anime, so obviously the appeal is close to universal. Though I did find the age appropriate love interest a bit too sickly sweet that it takes me out of it. This was goofy fun, all the same. Maybe I'll get to the sequel one day.

#possession 1981 #invasion of the body snatchers #You might be the Killer #The babysitter 2017 #hell house llc #the sadness #spree 2020

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1surfrocker · 11 months

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10/14/2023

Last Friday Amy and I went out carousing in Downtown Long Beach. We ran into Craig at The Ordinaire, who I hadn't seen in god knows how long (since before Amy and I were a thing, so over 7 years). Craig lives in Long Beach now as well, but commutes into LA as he's still with the LAPD. Craig's one of those friends I didn't think I'd ever see again, as we're so different (he's a republican cop, and I'm me). But it was really good catching up with him, and I'll have to get a beer with him again soon. I spent most of the evening watching him and Amy debate about the housing crisis and what to do with vacant buildings owned by Chinese Nationals. It was like an episode of Bill Marr.

He mentioned that he hadn't talked to Josh in many years, and that Luke lives in Florida now with Toluca and has 2 kids.

After we parted ways, Amy and I walked down to the lighthouse and I smiled as she ran through the sprinklers twice.

The following day Matt and Chloe came over to record a song that they had very recently written together, a lovely ballad that reminds me a bit of Radiohead's Creep with a tinge of soul and R&B. It was the weekend of their 2 year anniversary, and I was honored to record them for this occasion, and thrilled they wanted to be in my studio instead of out at a nice restaurant or vacation getaway.

We wrapped up at 5 and then Amy and I headed to Sarah and Andrew's for dinner, ate porks chops with carrots, sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts, caught up with them regarding their Scotland hijinks (Sarah spent a month there this past August for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival) and soaked in the hot tub. At the end of the night we played Mario Kart while I slaughtered and Andrew pretended to have a good time.

Lisa came over on Sunday and we watched Fair Play, an amazing drama that kept us both glued to the edges of our seats while we watched the young wall street couple's relationship spiral out of control and take violent turns. Highly recommended.

The work week was slow but steady. I do wish I had some more exciting projects on the books right now, though if this deal with Raffael in Argentina goes through, that would give me a much needed jolt! We'll see.

Yesterday, there was an interesting incident with a crazy customer who was asking me to price match what looked to be a fake Vintage King listing for used Adam S3XH's almost a month after I sold him brand new S3XH's. He must have emailed me the same message three times in 30 minutes demanding I issue him a $224 store credit. I had to bring Steve into the mix to see if he was on the same page as me when I told him to basically go fuck himself. I was kind of hoping the customer would call me after I sent the email, just so I could bask in the drama. This guy's a really odd duck, always calls me from a blocked phone number and talks in this loud, overly formal monotone. It'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying.

Today we clean the house like crazy. It's finally looking good again after weeks of having all our stuff from the attic piled into the living room. Speaking of the attic, it's basically done. We went shopping for curtains and runs at IKEA last night (what a romantic way to spend a Friday night!) and so I'm feeling oh so domesticated as I write these words.

Off to Niloo's birthday shindig tonight at Dirty Beetles. Tomorrow: Me time.

Cheers!

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xtruss · 1 year

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TikTok Hearing a Five-hour 'Hilarious Cyber Witch-hunt' By Congress Internet Illiterates: Netizens

— Global Times | March 24, 2023

TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew (center) testifies at a US Congressional hearing on March 23, 2023. The hearing, which was supposed to discuss data security and protection of children, was described by many netizens as a barbaric witch hunt and pure bullying. Photo: VCG

The five-hour US Congressional TikTok hearing has made quite a splash on Chinese social media platforms, with netizens saying it fully revealed American lawmakers' harassing interrogation methods, unreasonable challenges and that the hearing had nothing to do with data security, but was nothing more than an anti-Communist witch hunt.

Many media outlets used the word "grilled" to describe TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew's situation attending the hearing, which Chinese netizens fully agreed with.

At the Thursday hearing, bipartisan lawmakers lined up to throw up several vague, speculative questions at Chew about data privacy, content moderation, child safety, and potential ties to the Communist Party of China (CPC), but barely gave him a chance to respond.

"The hearing left me the impression that they [lawmakers] care nothing about data security or youth addiction, but just used the hearing as a stage to perform a political farce," a user wrote on Sina Weibo.

I have never heard so many "CPCs" from an American than at the hearing. Can't they spell China? another Weibo user asked.

"The ghost of McCarthyism is haunting the US again."

Another source of amusement for Chinese netizens came when Republican Dan Crenshaw claimed that Chinese citizens must cooperate with Chinese intelligence and if they are called upon, they are bound to secrecy. "That would include you [Chew]." The CEO responded: I'm Singaporean.

People shared the feeling that Chew was not attending a hearing, but was being interrogated barbarically by a group of rude internet illiterate.

One Chinese net user told the Global Times after a post on WeChat: I have to say I am sympathetic to Chew, who had to sit there for five hours listening to nonsense and respond to ridiculous accusations. He could have spent that time on more meaningful things, if it were not for the irrational, hysterical US."

"Chew: Spending five hours in gym would be better than staying here," the net user wrote.

Chinese netizens generally felt sympathetic watching a well-educated, decent executive of an internet company attempting to answer questions like "Does TikTok access the home WiFi network?"

In response to that, a Chinese netizen jokingly wrote: "Using 5G is also fine, but first you need to lift the bans on Huawei and ZTE."

Another similarly "funny" question came from Georgia representative Earl "Buddy" Carter, who asked: "Why do you need to know where the eyes are [for a sunglass filter]?"

Twitter user Scott Hanselman wrote: "There's not a single congressperson who has the technical background to ask or understand the questions and answers. Not even close."

A WeChat moments post seen by Global Times read: "Basic education in STEM - science, technology, engineering and mathematics, if not human decency, is necessary."

It was a great moment of disillusion for some people who still have a rosy idea of a US where internet giants like Google are born. But the golden age ended a long time ago and the US has turned from a cradle of innovation into a robber, observers said.

By asking these ridiculous questions, the lawmakers have exposed not only their internet illiteracy, but also hegemonic mindset and pure arrogance - they didn't even bother to really use the app before launching vicious accusations against it.

As for a question blaming TikTok for content on gun violence, drugs and even suicide, netizens urged the congresspersons to understand that TikTok is not "creating" them, it is only "showing" them as all platforms do. "TikTok is not a guardian," one tweet read.

"It doesn't matter what Chew says, it doesn't even matter whether he appears or not. The hearing is just part of a witch hunt in the cyber era, and the verdict has already been written."

— Global Times

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beatrice-otter · 3 years

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Heyyy I hope this isn't weird, but I just wanted to thank you for your addition on that post about global warming where you draw out (more clearly and succinctly than I've really seen put in layman's terms before (especially without undercutting importance)) how doable tackling climate change could be. You just put it very well and it managed to calm a panic attack I didn't know I was having. 10/10 post just wanted to thank you for it, I hope you have a beautiful day fam 💜

You're welcome! I get so frustrated by how doom-centered most rhetoric around the environment is. I get it; people are trying to scare the "global warming is a hoax" people into changing their minds. "Maybe if we scare them enough they'll stop saying it's a hoax!"

But the thing is, you can't scare someone with something they don't believe in. Climate change scares us, so we assume it's scary to everyone. And it isn't! That's like fundamentalist Christians whose main motivation is fear of hell going up to an atheist and telling them they're going to hell. The atheist doesn't care! The atheist is much more likely to think it's funny than be scared by it! It's not going to make the atheist go "oh, whoops, I believed the wrong thing this entire time, you're so right, I should convert to fundamentalist Christianity immediately!"

In the same way, there is absolutely no consequence of climate change that will convince a denier. You tell them the glaciers are melting, they'll say "no, they can't be melting because this specific one is growing by a teeny tiny amount, so hahahaha you're wrong!" And they're not just saying that, they absolutely believe in it. It is an article of faith with them.

You know who does get scared by all the focusing on the horrors of what will happen if we don't change our act and start fixing things? The people who care about the environment! The people who haven't bought into the big lie! And you know what that constant fearmongering does? Makes us depressed! You know what depressed people are shitty at? Organizing and working on a problem! So the doom-and-gloom focus (even when it's accurate on probable consequences if we don't drastically change things quickly) is actually counter-productive. It's not going to change the minds of the deniers, and it is going to discourage everyone else.

(Side note: the reason you hear so much focus on that, and not the stuff that is actually being done to make a difference, is the same reason Facebook's algorithm so heavily privileges stuff that outrages you--when you're upset, you're more likely to click that link and read the article, which boosts page views and advertising and the likelihood that you'll subscribe.)

So, you may ask, if we want to get the deniers to stop obstructing us, and scaring them isn't going to work, what should we do?

And the answer is, figure out a concrete way in which climate change is undeniably affecting the things they care about, and focus on that till you get them on board with a solution to that particular problem. So, for example, Stacey Abrams got Georgia to pass legislation on an environmental issue that focused on ameliorating climate change, with local Republican support, by not talking about climate change. Instead, she talked about the increase in property damage to homes and businesses along the coast due to a rising sea level and increased storm damage. Those Republicans still don't believe in climate change as a thing. But they do believe in the amount of money they and their constituents have spent to rebuild after storms, and how much that amount has increased in recent years.

But you can't do that if you're freaking out about our inevitable doom, or so depressed by it that you have no energy to do anything.

#environment

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paulinedorchester · 2 years

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Mercury Pictures Presents, by Anthony Marra. New York: Hogarth, 2022.

Before I became a Chicagoan, I was a fourth-generation Californian. My father and I were both born there, and my grandparents and great-grandparents lived there after immigrating from what are now Moldova and Ukraine early in the last century. My uncle and other relatives served in the Pacific Theatre during World War II. It’s thus rather embarrassing that I know so little about the West Coast home front. One should really read a non-fiction book on the subject, of course; but until I get around to doing that, I can at least say that I know a good deal more than I used to after reading this thoroughly enjoyable novel.

(Okay, thoroughly enjoyable? I spent a lot of time laughing as I read Mercury Pictures Presents, but its underlying historical events, of course, aren’t funny at all. With that in mind, here are some trigger warnings: fascism in Europe and its consequences; disguised fascism in the United States and its consequences; period-typical sexism and racism; parent-child tensions; a suicide. And I should add that almost everybody could, potentially, be offended, disappointed, or both by some element or other of this novel. In theory, that includes me. I read it anyway.)

Mercury Pictures is a fictional “poverty row” movie studio. (I specify that it’s an invention because many real-life persons, institutions and events are part of the story.) By mid-1941, a significant part of its workforce is made up of people who speak English as a second language. Among them are the studio’s owners, Artie and Ned Feldman, identical twin brothers born in Silesia, who can barely conceal their mutual loathing. (Unlike most of the others, they immigrated as children.) Artie, Mercury’s head of production, is an idealist whose insistence on putting out interventionist films warning the public about events in Europe has brought Mercury Pictures into the sights of the Senate Investigation into Motion Picture War Propaganda. Ned, the closest thing the story has to an on-the-page villain, is a bean-counter whose divorce from morality includes contributions to the election or re-election campaigns of any number of isolationist (read: Republican) politicians. (And then there’s his string of gentile ex-wives.)

They’re only one part of a big, complicated story, though. This novel has at least half a dozen protagonists. Through extensive flashbacks, we learn in detail what brought each of them to where they are in the late summer of 1941. (Marra also includes flash-forwards that tell us what becomes of some of them after the war. Some of the endings are happy; others, less so.) With this in mind, I’m going to stop summarizing now; if I don’t, I’ll end up with something like my previous book review (albeit with much less personal ruminating). Instead, I’ll just say that I highly recommend Mercury Pictures Presents, and then I’ll talk about another aspect of it, one that I’m sure is of burning interest to many people reading this: its adaptability!

It’s a highly cinematic novel, and I could see it being played out as I read it — high praise coming from me! It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that the rights have already been sold. It would be quite disappointing as a feature film, I suspect: the story’s length and complexity would require drastic cutting. We are fortunate to be living in a new golden age of television, but even as a mini-series it would be challenging (and costly) to do this really well. There’s plenty of excellent dialogue, but a great deal of the plot, including most of the jokes, is contained in narration or interior monologue. Substantial parts of the story take place in Germany or Italy, before, during, and after the war; those scenes would need to be filmed on location, in German or Italian. Several leading roles would have to be played by actors equally comfortable with dialogue in (accented) English and the character’s native language. So I’d be anxious about the results of any attempt — but I’d love to see it attempted!

#world war ii #u.s. home front #california #historical fiction #highly recommended

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badgraph1csghost · 3 years

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If you're only following me because ha-ha funny meme man, maybe don't read this.

I've been spending the past year and a half studying my environment, feeling out opinions from people close to me and watching their reactions to different media to try and gauge their feelings about transgender people, and I've gotta say... well, what was I really expecting here? That they'd go, "sure, badgraph1csghost, I think you coming out now is a great thing"? I already have an entire side of the family who hates that I'm practising Judaism again after the grandparents spent so much time and effort covering up how great-grandma was Jewish. Frankly, I don't much care how THEY would react to my being transfemme, because the opinions of people who voted for Trump twice carry zero weight with me. My mum would support me, for sure. It'd be a bit awkward for the first few months, but there's no question there.

But then, we enter into the fact that I live in a republican state. Not just any republican state, but one where the governor and all the congresspeople condoned the Jan 6 fascist insurrection and believe in all that "stop the steal" bullshit. Plus, we've lost the only two voices in our state legislature who are willing to speak out about transgender rights. I thought Senator Wishart was okay, but then she ran off on that dumbass conservative expedition to Mt. Kilimanjaro in the middle of COVID-19 against all possible logic.

I'm convinced that, based solely on my physical appearance at present, no doctor in the state is going to agree to prescribe HRT so much as have me sent up the hospital for mental evaluation, and then maybe sue me for interfering in their freedom of religion or whatever the fuck. The city council banned electricution therapy for gay youth, but that doesn't do me any good, because I'm not 16 or "technically" gay. Anyway, even if I were, they'd just send me to Hastings. No law against it there.

I just have to get used to the fact that I'm stuck here in Armpit, USA, with no means of escape. Out of limitless options, I am reduced to blending in with every other redneck "blue lives matter” imbecile down the Walmart freezer cases and hope I don't accidentally act different.

#there is absolutely nothing here #not okay to reblog

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eldritchamy · 4 years

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I watched “Happiest Season” and no it fucking wasn’t.

Here’s a review so you don’t have to suffer like I did: if I wasn’t watching it as the host of a movie night, I would not have made it past 20-30 minutes in.

It was very uncomfortable to watch. I feel like I just spent two hours on a plane with a crying baby. Except the baby was a homophobic rich white Republican that I was forced to campaign for. All of the people I watched it with, including myself, found it stressful, anxiety inducing, and deeply unpleasant. The first thing I did when it was over was warn my best friend not to watch it.

90% of the movie is rich white straight people drama forcing lesbians into the closet. It’s not fun. It’s not happy. It wasn’t enjoyable. At all. Watching this was an uncompromisingly depressing and miserable experience.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it was neither of those things. I feel repressed for having seen it.

Every relationship in this movie is toxic and hard to watch, with the sole exception of two other characters who aren’t part of the family both having much better chemistry with Kristen Stewart’s character than her girlfriend.

Aubrey Plaza playing Gay Aubrey Plaza one of two redeeming things in the movie and she’s in it for about ten minutes, and even one of her scenes was hard for me to sit through (the awkward and dubiously written drag bar scene) The other 90 minutes are agonizingly drawn out and unbearable.

If you are determined to support this movie because god knows we need more (and MUCH better) representation and we live in a hellscape where money is the only way to ask for such things, press play on it and then take out your headphones and go read a book instead until it’s over.

For your own sake please do not watch this.

I genuinely can’t tell who it’s even FOR. If anything about this movie resonates with you, I am SORRY to hear that, because you are probably the lesbian daughter of a very rich white man running for office as a Republican, and watching any of the rich housewife reality shows probably gives you PTSD because those are the kind of people you grew up with.

And even IF that is the case, spare yourself the trauma of watching your own life and watch something else instead. This movie will only hurt you.

Nothing about the experience of seeing this was worth it.

Plot spoilers ahead.

The plot is as follows:

Abby (Kristen Stewart) loves her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis). But she does not love Christmas. After a night out together, Harper asks her to join her when she visits her family for the holidays. Abby says yes, and gets her gay male friend John (that guy from Schitt’s Creek) to cover pet sitting for her. While running a few errands with him, she goes to pick up an engagement ring which looks completely unattainable for a woman who makes a living as a pet sitter.

When they are almost to Harper’s family’s home, she awkwardly brings up that she lied about coming out to them earlier in the year. They still don’t know she’s gay and they have to make sure the family is perfect and scandal free because her dad is running for mayor or something and one of his donors? campaign manager? is going to be there. So they have to pretend Abby is her straight roommmate. They fight about it before Abby very reluctantly agrees. This is a pattern that repeats until Abby can’t take any more.

The family is like upper-class-Republican terrible. They are AWFUL people. The parents treat their children like trophies in a display case, and the children all feel forced into brutal competition with each other to see who the parents will actually be proud of. One of Harper’s sisters (Jane) is actually an okay person who does nothing wrong, but she’s an aspiring writer who has spent 10 years not finishing her book and she’s played like she belongs in a different movie, and it feels like she’s meant to be seen as the useless layabout sibling, in a cruelly funny way.

The other sister is a nightmare of a woman (Sloane? I think?) played by a completely unrecognizable Allison Brie. She’s a lawful evil cutthroat monster who is straight up VICIOUS to the other two, and is especially terrible to Harper, because neither of them even see Jane as competition. Her own family is the thing she uses to try to be worthy of her parents’ pride and affection.

The dad is focused entirely on his campaign and is more or less indifferent to all of them unless they aren’t “presentable” and “scandal free” enough to keep his potential donor/campaign manager satisfied, in which case he “expects better of them” until they behave. The children are like 30.

The mom is maybe the worst of all of them. She’s invasive, ignorant in that forceful way where she doesn’t give a shit about anything except her own bubble of reality that she thinks she’s living in and blows past any contradiction to it like it’s not even there, nitpicky about what everyone’s doing, is willfully out of touch with everything she’s told (Abby’s parents died when she was 19, and she spends the movie acting like she thinks Abby grew up in an orphanage made of dirt and never had a Christmas before). And she will not leave the two of them alone. She insists it’s ridiculous for two grown women to share a bedroom and gives Abby a room without a lock in a basement that’s bigger than my whole house, while Harper’s room is upstairs. Everyone is constantly barging into Abby’s room with less than two seconds of notice, which leads to the kind of tension and awkwardness you’d expect. The first morning, Abby wakes up to Sloane’s children staring at her.

Abby is clearly MISERABLE. And so are you, because you’re watching this movie. Abby and Harper are constantly pushed apart by the family, and Harper pushes Abby away while pretending to be perfect and straight for her family.

Her family invited Harper’s ex boyfriend, who thinks they should rekindle things. Super fun thing that I always love to see in my lesbian media.

While out at dinner, Abby and Harper have another mini fight in the bathroom. Harper promises she had no idea Connor(?) was going to be there and that there won’t be any more surprises. They walk out of the bathroom, right into Harper’s OTHER ex, her first girlfriend Riley (Aubrey Plaza, who literally just plays herself and is the only good thing about the movie).

This is the first 20 minutes.

There’s a party that leaves Abby feeling isolated and pushed away. She goes outside to make a phone call. She makes regular texts and phone calls to John for support and advice throughout the movie. He’s terrible at taking care of fish, but he’s genuinely a good friend to her and it’s clear he cares about her a lot. It’s probably unfair not to say his friendship is the second redeeming thing in the movie. After Abby gets off the phone with him the first time, Riley comes out from around the corner and tries to be nice, saying she could relate to what she’s going through. Abby kind of closes off from her and she takes the hint without any fuss and leaves her alone.

The movie slogs on with compounding stress and anxiety and a moment when Abby is LITERALLY forced to hide in a closet and pretend she was sleepwalking on her way to Harper’s bedroom at night. It MIGHT have been an attempt at a joke? I’m genuinely not sure because I did not come close to laughing once in the entire 100 minutes of this nightmare. Harper instead sneaks into Abby’s room while she’s awkwardly trying to get away from Harper’s mom. That’s where the gifs of the sneak-snuggle from behind the door come from. Enjoy the gifs because everything that wasn’t giffed is not worth seeing. Harper spends the night there.

Bright and early, Harper’s mom comes knocking on the door, trying to open it and barge in again but Abby blocked the door with something heavy claiming it was to “keep her from sleepwalking again” (her excuse for being in the closet) while Harper frantically gets almost-dressed and hides behind the door as BOTH parents come to bother them, and the evil sister’s children see her partially dressed through the crack in the door.

Later that day Abby has to go shopping for a present for the “White Elephant” Harper didn’t warn her about. She bumps into Sloane at the mall, who dumps her kids off on her before quickly leaving. The kids very intentionally frame Abby for shoplifting by putting a necklace in her bag, and there’s a really awkward and uncomfortable scene with her being interrogated by overly forceful mall cops who are yelling at her. When she finally gets back to the house, Harper’s entire family now thinks she’s a criminal.

Abby spends the night alone during another (campaign?) party that Harper told her she’d probably be happier getting left out of, and she bumps into Riley on the street and gets to talking with her, still more frustrated by Harper and her family. She says she needs some alcohol, Riley takes her to a drag bar which gave me really bad vibes and bonds with her there, telling her a bit about her relationship with Harper. They dated secretly (obviously) in their first year of high school (which implies she knew she was gay before she dated Connor, and used him as a cover). They would sneak each other romantic notes. When someone found one in Harper’s locker, she threw Riley under the bus completely, outed her, and said she was obsessed with her so she could go on pretending to be straight. They bond a bit and seem like they could be friends, at a minimum. They have a few more scenes together over the next hour (yeah there’s still that much movie left, and if you’re wondering how it could be that bad, you’re welcome for the warning, because I was wondering that too) and they have better chemistry than Abby and Harper by miles.

Eventually Abby becomes so miserable she checks the movie-specific version of Uber to try to go home by herself, but it’s running at holiday rates so it would cost over $1000 for her to leave. She’s still tempted to do it, and calls John again for advice and says she feels awful, completely alone, and with no way out of this horrible situation. He gives her some more friendly support.

Abby still needs a White Elephant gift, but has no way to go by herself because Harper drove them there. So she calls Riley to go with her. They spend a day hanging out together while Harper is doing some other thing with her dad’s campaign, and Abby makes text excuses to Harper, who then immediately sees Riley and Abby walking by on the street together. Before she gets a chance to run out and say something, she gets interrupted by something I thankfully don’t remember (I long for the moment this is true of the rest of it).

Riley and Abby bond some more but nothing romantic happens. The plot only wants them to be good friends, even though their chemistry is really good.

At the end of the day Abby comes in and Harper immediately almost starts a fight with her but they get interrupted again somehow.

I have willed most of the next 20 minutes out of my mind, apparently.

There’s yet another party at this gigantic house because I hate the rich, Abby and Riley talk more. This is the one with the really gay outfit. Abby admits to Riley that she was planning on proposing to Harper, but at this point it’s like she’s a completely different person and she can’t tell who the real Harper is. Riley says it’s probably both of them.

SURPRISE JOHN IS HERE. He comes in the front door and calls for Abby. After Abby’s last phone call he arranged for his therapist to do the pet sitting and he drove all the way here just so he could take her home. Seriously, John has incredible Good Friend Energy. Yet more awkwardness ensues, while John mixes some awkward flirting with Connor into his poor attempt to come off as straight. Abby then walks right up to Harper, says “we’re done” and goes to grab some things to leave. Harper follows her into the room and tries to get her to stay, Abby says she can’t take the hiding and the general misery, the whole experience has been terrible and she’s not sure if Harper is the person she thought she was. Harper argues for her to stay and says she’s caught between being afraid of losing her family if she comes out and knowing she’ll lose Abby if she doesn’t. She promises to come out to them as soon as the holidays are over because Abby is more important to her. They kiss briefly and realize Sloane is in the doorway.

Sloane tries to run to tell the rest of the family because burning Harper’s reputation forever means she’ll be the one their parents love most. They fight in the many hallways of this stupidly enormous rich people house (this is when “Stay out of it, Sappho” happens) and on the way to ruin her sister’s life Sloane finds her husband making out with another ....campaign person? in the pantry and or closet which is big enough to fit two people inside. Now Harper has something to use against Sloane. This family is fucking horrible. Sloane gets to where everyone else is first, and outs Harper.

Harper tries to swear she’s not gay, and sees Abby watching her. She silently turns and walks out the door with John. Harper then grabs a giant painting that Jane spent 100 hours on for the white elephant and smashes it over Sloane’s head and yells at her before falling apart.

Abby and John have another heartfelt conversation where John asks how she came out to her parents, and she said they loved and supported her. Then he said his dad kicked him out on the street and didn’t talk to him for thirteen years. He says everyone’s story is different, and Harper was still going through hers, and it was a hard one. I THINK he acknowledges that if Abby doesn’t feel like she belongs in that story, she shouldn’t force herself to? But that might have been wishful hindsight. Abby comes back into the house to grab her things and leave, Harper comes out to her family right in front of her, Abby says it was too late and leaves anyway. Harper is crushed and the rest of the family starts to see how fucked up they all are.

And then in the span of 7 fucking minutes the parents realize they were shitty to Sloane and Harper and the only reason Jane turned out okay is because they gave up on her, they give a minimal apology to their children, who also realize they were shitty to each other, and then it’s the next day and Abby is there with them, Harper has the ring on her finger, and everyone is magically happy now because the dad turned down his campaign advisor who said she could still work with him if he kept Harper’s “problem” a secret.

Jane’s book becomes a best seller and she’s friends with John now, because he was the only person who seemed genuinely interested in her passion. He sits next to her at her book signing. The end.

No, I’m not kidding.

As soon as it was over, I thought, wow that felt like a rushed happy ending that got slapped onto the end with nothing building up to or deserving it.

After further consideration, that gives it too much credit.

Because honestly? after the first hour and thirty five minutes of this hell, Abby and Harper being together at the end is not even something I would consider a happy ending. I wasn’t satisfied at all. It DEFINITELY felt like Abby ending up with Riley would have been a better movie.

If I had been told beforehand that a lesbian romcom starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, and featuring Aubrey Plaza as Gay Aubrey Plaza would have been an absolutely miserable experience that was hard to sit through and nothing but unpleasant to watch, I would probably have been shocked and disappointed.

But at least I would have not seen this movie. That is my gift to you. Please do NOT watch this.

It was marketed as a romantic comedy and it lived up to neither of those claims. Absolutely terrible movie. The happiest season of all is one where you don’t watch this stressful, uncomfortable disaster.

#eldritchreviews

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

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Whumptober Day 17: Dirty Little Secret

CW: Creepy whumper, whumper POV, implied whump of a minor, implied noncon references

“Well, Kelly, you’ve spent an hour talking politics, is there anything else you’d like to hear my thoughts on today?” Governor Oliver Branch sits easily in the padded chair behind his desk. It’s a deep, dark burgundy with little brass accents, and not that he intends to tell Kelly Donahue this particular bit of information, but it very comfortably holds the weight of two.

“Well, let me check.” Kelly smiles at him - bright, perfectly-applied deep pink lipstick, camera-ready stylish-but-demure blue dress, legs crossed politely at ankles, sensible heels. Shellacked hair. The cameraman, on the other hand, is wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and looks like he’s ready for a beer at the bar downtown.

Oliver would rather be at the bar, too.

Still, he’s just as camera-ready as Donahue - had his boy get his favorite suit out, a charcoal gray so dark it’s nearly black, while they played Interview. Baldur loves the game - one of the only times Oliver allows him to speak, when he pretends to be a reporter asking Oliver questions, and Oliver loves the sparkle he gets in his eyes.

He loves extinguishing the sparkle, at the end of the game, even more.

The color of his suit is carefully chosen to pop against the chair, and he hasn’t worn it on TV before. It’ll go over well, he’s sure of it. Even Nancy had nice things to say.

The tie he’s wearing - a burgundy that matches the chair with a brass-colored tie pin, just to hammer the coordination home - was wrapped around Baldur’s wrists this morning. There’s a delicious little thrill to wearing it now, knowing that some of Baldur’s sweat is still in the silken fabric.

He takes a breath, thinking of the way the boy knows how to beg, and how delightful it is to read in his eyes how much he would like to beg for it to stop, but is too well-trained to do anything but beg for more.

The shameless scandal of it all, if they ever found out, always adds an edge to their moments together. Baldur is, of course, as close to a relationship as Oliver has had since he decided to run for Governor.

Got a little annoying to keep paying to keep rumors underwraps. Didn’t cost so much more to simply buy himself someone no one else will ever know about. An easy financial decision, nothing more.

A financial decision that knows exactly how to do that thing with his hips-

“Are you open to some questions about your personal life?” Kelly cocks her head, and her hair doesn’t move an inch. Oliver can’t help the way his eyebrows raise, very slightly. Whoever does her hair… Oliver would very much like to offer them double their wages at the studio to get them to do his hair instead.

“Oh, of course, Kelly. You know, I’ve always been an open book to my constituents, since I ran for city councilman and read my own ‘don’t ask about’ file out loud during a meeting.”

A nice bit of theater, that. He claimed to have gotten it from his opponent, but really… Oliver had written the damn thing himself. No one knows your dirty little secrets better than you do, after all.

“Yeah, I remember - I was there for that.” Kelly laughs, tucks a bit of hair behind one ear.

Oliver blinks, looking her over. He thickens his southern drawl, one of the things polls routinely find his constituents find endearing about him. Just a good old boy from Charleston, somehow finds his way to California to settle down for good. Really, it adds a hint of sincerity to all is falsehoods. “No. Impossible! You’re hardly old enough, my dear.” It sounds like idle flattery, but for once, it’s all genuine. Oliver’s been governor of this great state for nearly a decade, and was city councilman for quite some time before that, and Kelly can’t possibly have been out of school-

“I was a senior in high school,” She says, almost shyly, apparently guessing at his next question. If he were a different man, he might flirt with her. But what’s the point, when he has someone - something better, hidden away just behind that door?

“What led a senior in high school to attend a boring old city council meeting? Sure you weren’t such a good civic-minded young citizen as all that?”

She giggles a little, then glances over her shoulder, mouths something at the cameraman. Oliver can guess what. Edit that out.

Kelly Donahue doesn’t want the episode to be aired with her giggling like a schoolgirl at a bit of idle flattery. Well. Everyone has their things they like to hide, don’t they?

She has her giggle. Oliver has a teenage boy locked in his bedroom.

He almost wishes he’d had Baldur hide under the desk for this, instead. Imagines speaking with Kelly, all sincere interest and open honesty, while petting through Baldur’s soft, shining hair, hooking fingers into his collar to pull him up against Oliver’s leg… He thinks about hosting a perfectly normal interview while Baldur is drugged to dozing, right there.

He’s done it a dozen times with field trips and one-on-ones. Flirting with disaster - with the absolute chaos that would ensue if the boy were found - is exciting in ways that nothing else in Oliver’s life ever has been.

Baldur’s so very good at holding so very, very still for him, and feeling that boy shaking with energy he isn’t allowed to expend, fighting all his own instincts... Oliver had his youthful indiscretions, and there is no drug, no girl, no boy, no drink… nothing in his life, absolutely nothing, feels as good as knowing that Baldur’s entire body is begging him to move - and one word from Oliver means he can’t.

And if he does - if he breaks the order, if he cannot help but disobey it… well, then Oliver gets to do his favorite thing on Earth. He gets to tell Baldur it’s time to play a game.

Then he gets to hurt him, and hear the way he cries.

There is no power on earth like the power you could hold over another human being’s very nature, and all for a bit of money changing hands in discreet ways. Thank God for shell corporations, or he’d be in prison by now.

“Oh,” Kelly says, blushing a little, interrupting his thoughts. He ticks his smile a little wider. “I was there to argue about something with the Pledge of Allegiance, actually.”

“Ah, yes. The Young Republicans Club. I remember that whole mess.” Oliver waves on hand, gives a soft laugh. “If you’re still in contact with any of them, I do hope you’ll give them my absolute apologies for stealing their thunder that night. I promise you, Kelly, Scout’s honor-” Oliver crosses his fingers up in a little salute. He was never once in his fucking life a Boy Scout. A little money changes hands, a few documents are forged, and now he was an Eagle Scout who led community service. Funny how that works. “-I had no idea what any of the topics were going to be, I was too nerved up that night, really I was.”

“Oh, that was years ago.” She waves her hand a little, but her own smile has widened in response to his. “It’s not a problem. I was just… honestly, I didn’t see it at the time, but it was a privilege to see that kind of political theater in action.”

Oliver’s laugh is bright, and loud, and he wonders if the boy can hear it, through two doorways and a hallway’s worth of distance. If he’ll listen for the sound of his Sir’s laugh, to try and gauge when it’s over. If he’ll be waiting at the door to the bedroom, waiting to be allowed out, to be given permission to do… well, anything.

“Theater? I am wounded, Kelly. I was merely being honest-”

“Now, Oliver, I know a bit of showing off when I see it - I do plenty of it on my own.” Kelly laughs, too, and they are such good friends, Oliver and the journalists who come here to interview him. He’s a boring bit of story, honestly - a reliable progressive governor of a reliably progressive state. No wife and no kids, no scandals, no weekend indiscretions.

Governor Oliver Branch does his job and does it well. His legislature likes him, more or less. His constituency adores him. He’s been re-elected in a landslide. There’s been talk about Presidential aspirations, although Oliver’s never thought any higher than the Senate.

Senator Oliver Branch.

Now that sounds lovely, doesn’t it?

He’ll have dumped the boy by then, of course. No loose ends. The boy has plenty of skills to find himself a new keeper. Even if he doesn’t, he won’t be Oliver’s problem anymore, will he?

He’ll buy another, then.

He and Kelly chat, the interview going off without a hitch. It’s softballs all the way through, easy-to-answer questions, because no one has any difficult questions for him these days. No, Oliver is a good governor in a good state doing good things with good intentions.

Oliver smiles. The questions are easy and his approval ratings are high. There’s been some discussion about a Presidential run, although he’ll of course be bashful and refuse such an idea. His character can’t take the scrutiny, he’ll say, and everyone will laugh.

All great men have things they’d rather hide, after all.

Although perhaps not things quite like this.

Down the hall, behind a locked door, Oliver Branch’s dirty little secret sits wearing only one of Oliver’s button-ups, knobby knees curled up to his chest, collar buckled snugly around his neck.

The boy rocks and rocks, staring through the tiniest gap in the drapes over the balcony door, watching the clouds move in the sky and wondering what it would feel like to go outside.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes

#whumptober2020 #whump #box boy #chris the strawberry blond romantic #oliver branch is gross #implied noncon reference #torture references #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #whumper pov #captivity #implied whump of a minor

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florrickandassociates · 3 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 5x03-- And the court had a clerk...

Hello again! It’s nice to have this show back. This episode was a bit less of a standout than the previous two, but I’m still happy with the overall direction for this season. More under the cut (or here, because tumblr sucks).

When Robert King tweeted the episode title, I asked him if all the titles this season were adding up to one long sentence/story, hoping he’d confirm it and give a little more information. He did! He said it’s “in the Farmer in the Dell mode” and while I think I get what he’s saying, I’m very curious to see how it plays out. Haven’t been able to track down 5x04′s title yet, but the promo is out. (As of this morning! It’s interesting they’re not putting them after the episode this year; I kind of like it.)

Kurt’s job is up in the air given the new administration. I think this scene exists mostly just to remind us where Kurt works and the stakes.

What month is this supposed to be in? The transition seems recent but no one is wearing masks.

Kurt spots a poster asking for help ID’ing people at the Capitol on January 6th. He thinks he recognizes someone...

And now we’re in case of the week land. This case is about a small business owner whose business went under after someone created fake news articles accusing him of pedophilia.

I think the whole point of this (kind of long) scene is to show that this case is a pretty small deal. Low stakes, inexperienced opposing lawyer. (Not even sure why Liz would be arguing this in court, but whatever.)

Tbh I thought this was going to wind up in 9 ¾ court.

Now that we have junior level characters, we get scenes showing that there are, in fact, people at RBL who are mid-level. Liz asks an associate to work on something, he asks another associate to work on it, she delegates to other associates, and they delegate to Marissa and Carmen. This work seems terrible.

It’s so funny to me how this is probably more realistic than most of the lawyering on the show and yet it only shows up selectively. We only see the hierarchy here to make it clear that Marissa and Carmen are at the bottom.

David Lee interrupts and asks for Carmen. He’s very rude to her. Interestingly, she’s hesitant to leave her grunt work and follow David, even though she must know he outranks the associate who gave her the grunt work.

“Why am I supposed to know you?” David asks her as they walk through the halls. “I don’t know if you are,” Carmen responds. “Why does Benjamin Dafoe know you?” he asks. She doesn’t know who he is.

“Who are you?” Dafoe asks when Carmen enters. She states her name, again. “Why are you important?” he asks. “I don’t think that I am,” Carmen responds.

Then Dafoe says his top client, and it’s a name that the characters all know. I’m glad this scene is free of any “he’s the white OJ” expository lines (that’s from Sweeney’s introduction) -- it’s clear from the reactions and the discussion of police and rape that the top client is a bad guy, probably a rapist. The rapist wants Carmen to represent him.

Putting 2 and 2 together, Carmen asks if the rapist knows Rivi. He’s not, but he’s at the same prison. As soon as Carmen says she’s representing Rivi, David Lee switches gears, understanding the situation and trying to sign the new business. He’s so shameless!

Marissa sorts ALL the papers. There are a LOT of papers. I’m swamped. Look at all this paper.

She catches the associate who assigned her the task leaving for the night just as she finishes up, and cheerfully notes she’s finished the task. Then the associate mentions this was only half of the bills. Marissa does not like that. Since her goal in wanting to be a lawyer is mostly just to give her something exciting to do and earn respect... this hierarchy thing is not going so well.

Marissa decides that after her rough day, she’s going to stop by Wackner’s court. He’s in the middle of a case about Emily in Paris fanfiction and he’s very happy to see Marissa.

Wackner’s night court has a program—it notes the sponsor is Copy Co-op (I thought it was Copy Coop?) and the paper products were also provided by them. And “there will be regular intermissions at the discretion of Judge Wackner.” It’s very theatrical.

Wackner takes a recess and calls Marissa to his “chambers.” He asks for her thoughts on the case. “All they want is attention and to feel like they’ve won,” Marissa notes. Wackner’s on the same wave length and compares it to the Scarecrow’s diploma at the end of The Wizard of Oz. So, he makes copyright certificates and some minor modifications to each of the fanfic books. They say “I respect you and I love you” and that’s that.

Wackner catches Marissa before she leaves and asks her to be his law clerk—part time or full time, 10% of all the legal filings and unlimited use of copy machines. She is hesitant because she “doesn’t even know what this is.”

Wackner says his court is “the future.” Marissa turns him down; notes she wants to pass the bar. “You know why all these people are here? ‘Cause the courts and the lawyers and the appeals have made justice... unattainable. Out of reach. To anyone who doesn’t have a shitload of money to wait it out. That’s why Exxon beats out Mr. Nobody. Read Kafka’s Before the Law.”

I just read it, and you should too! It literally is a page, but tl;dr, there’s a man who wants to get to the law and instead he spends his whole life trying to win over the first of many gatekeepers on the path to the law. He never gets through the gate.

“Justice is only just if it’s available to everyone,” Wackner says. Marissa thinks about that.

As I said last week, it’s smart that Wackner makes so much sense. Hearing him say all this, knowing that it’s true... it makes it very easy to get on board with the thought experiment. Of course there would be huge repercussions to this kind of system, but it makes so much sense it’s compelling TV!

Kurt’s showering when Diane gets home, which gives her time to stumble across the WANTED poster and notice that Kurt has drawn facial hair onto one of the pictures. “Who is this?” she asks him. “No one,” he says. “Well, you drew in a beard and a moustache on him,” Diane notes. Kurt says he was doodling, but Diane calls him out as he is the “exact opposite of a doodler.” Kurt says he thought it was someone he knew, but he’s not sure. Diane pushes him to tell the feds. Kurt reiterates he’s not sure, but it’s someone he went shooting with. “Oh my God, then it’s him,” Diane jumps to (not incorrect) conclusions. Kurt says he didn’t talk that way; he’s a veteran. “Kurt! That’s the profile!” Diane argues. Kurt isn’t convinced and he doesn’t want to be responsible for naming names. He notes he’ll be threatened with indictment for not naming names and then only lawyers will end up benefitting. Diane is not convinced.

I think this is an interesting conflict for Kurt and Diane. I understand why Kurt is hesitant to speak out before he’s sure. And I understand and agree with Diane that it’s important to identify the attackers and prevent anything like that from happening again.

I don’t mean to blame Kurt, exactly, but I feel like all of what happens next could’ve played out differently if Kurt had been just a little clearer with Diane about why he was hesitant to ID the man. Like, the threat of indictment for not naming names sounds like some typical anti-government rambling. Saying you specifically are afraid that this will turn back on you and you need to weigh your options and come up with a plan first would put Diane in a very different mode, in which they’d work together to craft the best strategy. Because this man would’ve been ID’d by someone, sooner or later, and Kurt would’ve needed to be prepared.

Diane stares at the wanted poster at work and asks Jay to find his identity. He’s on the FBI TEN MOST WANTED? Ten!? Ok!

Diane shares the extra information she has—the gun range and that he’s a veteran—and Jay gets to work.

Turns out there’s no money in the case that Liz, a name partner, is working on and Marissa just spent all those hours sorting bills for. I could’ve told you there was no money in that case lol.

Jay IDs the guy very fast. He’s faster than the feds because they didn’t know where he shot. The range had his license on file, and Jay got ahold of it.

“Well, we don’t pay you enough,” Diane says. “Oh, I know that,” Jay laughs.

Diane says she’s going to think about calling the feds—it's definitely the same guy.

Marissa notes someone high profile (David Cord, who I presume is a thinly veiled stand-in for David Koch given the name, his role in the plot, and the fact that he is “David Cord of the Cord Brothers”) in the lobby giving a fake name and goes to tell Liz.

David Cord is performing magic tricks for the receptionists (they don’t recognize him) when Liz and Marissa show up. “I knew your father. I hated your father,” Cord says. “Yes, well, he hated you too,” Liz says. He says he gave a fake name to see what the reception would be like since he’s kinda infamous.

Liz introduces Marissa as one of the law clinic lawyers. Marissa knows what to say in this situation. Specifically, she knows that it is the exact right moment to name drop her father.

“Democrats as far as the eye can see,” Cord notes. At that, Liz asks Marissa to get Julius involved.

More good expository work! (No, editor feature of Word, I do NOT want that to say “Better expository work,” that would change my meaning, go away and please stop grading my recap??? I don’t know how I brought this up but it’s telling me my score is 72%, so a C, and it’s driving me crazy. Oh, now I’m a 71%. It had me at like, 50%, because I had written “Wackner” and “Wackner” is not a word. No shit.)

Anyway, back to the exposition. I like that we don’t get a line like, “Liz! David Cord, the Republican super donor, is here!” We just get to see Liz’s reaction, Cord’s hate of Liz’s father, and the line about democrats. Then it becomes clearer who Cord is.

Just noticed Liz is wearing an Apple Watch.

Liz stands for her meeting with Cord, likely to maintain power. Cord says January 6th changed everything to him and now he’s all about unity and loving America.

Cord has something to say about Liz’s case, the one that’s not making any money, and he seems to know quite a lot about it. That spooks Liz.

Then Cord offers her $12 million to continue the case for another six months (all of these months, seemingly, will play out in the couple of days the rest of this episode takes, but, whatever). He just wants them to go after the social media company that distributed the fake news... and Section 230.

Don’t know what that is? Now you do, because there is a Good Fight short! These work so much better when they’re actually needed (explaining concepts, etc.) than when they’re trying to force one into every episode (remember that Downton Abbey one? What... was that?)

I was talking to @mimeparadox about this short and he pointed out that this short has a VERY clear POV on an issue that actually doesn’t seem to be all that straightforward. If you’re like me and only had a vague sense of what Section 230 was prior to this episode, this short is telling you what to think of it—it isn’t just explaining what it is.

I do tend to agree with the show’s POV on most things, but this is an issue I’d like to read more on. I love how Section 230 was something I hadn’t really read up on prior to this episode and now that it’s been on TGF I realize it’s something that actually, yes, I would’ve been interested in knowing about earlier. Is this because things that are on TGF are interesting to me because they’re on TGF or is it because TGF generally only discusses things that would be interesting to me? Probs a little bit of both.

Diane asks Jay how to make an anonymous phone call and he hands her a burner phone. She calls the FBI with the rioter’s name. She doesn’t leave her name and then she dumps the phone.

Credits! Did you catch there’s a Jordan Boatman in the credits? She plays one of the associates who passes down the grunt work to Marissa, and she’s Michael Boatman’s daughter in real life! She’s also been in one other episode, in season 3.

I never get tired of these credits!

The RL partners (and some associates who are on the case? I think these are the same ones who delegated the work to Marissa?) debate whether or not they should take Cord’s money. Madeline notes that he’s funded a lot of Republican campaigns; Julius notes that both Republicans and Democrats agree that Section 230 is flawed and this is an opportunity for unity.

Diane notes that the right doesn’t want to stop conspiracy theories from spreading, so is this really that bipartisan? “It would help if the boomers would stop falling for those conspiracy theories and sharing it with their friends,” an associate (I believe this is Michael Boatman’s daughter again) notes. That quiets the room and the partners all glare at her. Yeah, that was a kind of stupid thing to say. First of all, it’s just not appropriate to say to the partners, and it’s also, like, missing the point? If it’s easy for conspiracy theories to spread among boomers, maybe just expecting each member of that generation to suddenly have a millennial’s understanding of the internet is the wrong strategy? Maybe there’s some structural issue here? That maybe, just maybe, this case is actually about?

The associate also points out that the internet is currently a place where people can speak out about sexual harassment-- “they repeal section 230, and there would be no #MeToo.”

One of the partners says he doesn’t believe that—if they regulate section 230, then newspapers can actually be competitive and there’s still free speech online.

“We’re not going back to reading newspapers, grandpa,” some associate says. What the actual fuck, dude? Who talks like that to their boss?! It’s so condescending. He’s also wrong! “Newspapers” are not just physical things... reporting by major publications still matters and will continue to matter. Like, is he suggesting that in the future all news will just be random people tweeting things they think are true with no fact checking or curation? Sure, journalism is struggling right now—but I don’t think that’s because there’s a lack of desire for well-reported news.

I am glad the partners call him out on saying “grandpa” and honestly I’m shocked he isn’t asked to leave the discussion after that rude remark. Unless this young looking dude is a partner too? But I don’t think he is.

Julius notes that if they’re going to pursue this case, they need money like Cord’s. At that, Liz starts to leave the meeting. “We haven’t decided if we’re taking this Cord money yet,” Madeline protests. “Of course we are,” Liz says and leaves.

Now that’s more like it! I’m not sure if this is necessarily the best way to handle this, but she’s a) correct, they were always going to take the money because it is $12 million and an issue of interest and b) using her authority. Should Liz be making decisions totally on her own? Maybe not. Does Liz making this decision and then leaving (with everyone accepting that she’s correct) cut through a lot of bullshit and establish Liz as the one in charge? Yup.

Diane says, “Ooh-kay” with a little bit of an eyeroll after Liz exits, but she’s still laying low. I think in a different season Diane might’ve tried to push back.

Is it me or does Baranski get a lot of material this episode we haven’t seen before? Lots of really good reaction shots/tones in this episode I don’t really think we’ve seen from Diane before. I’m impressed there’s still new stuff after 12 years.

At some point maybe I will actually write the essay I’ve been wanting to write for ages about how TGF is still so relevant despite being in a universe that should be showing its age by now. I wish I could find the first time that I called TGW a period piece set in the present day (I know it would’ve been during season five) because I think that’s the key to TGW/TGF’s enduring success. The shows always feel timely because they try to capture the present moment (which is, of course, always changing) and don’t get stuck in any one moment in time. Further, the fact that the writers are always so tuned in to events and skilled at quickly reacting to what happens in the world makes them VERY good in a pinch, which is (I think) why they’re able to make the most of unexpected situations (Josh leaving TGW, the pandemic).

Liz and Julius bring a suit against ChumHum to attack 230. Judge Friend is initially skeptical of their argument that 230 is unconstitutional; then she’s intrigued. I am too. This argument about the press is a very interesting one. I obviously have a lot of reading to do on 230, but my take after this episode is pretty much that social media platforms have to be held responsible in some way, but I don’t think it’s feasible or desirable for them to be responsible for every single one of billions of posts. I think there has to be some way to regulate social media giants that would allow everyday people to share things and speak out but would prevent the curated (even by an algorithm) spread of fake news and make social media giants accountable when there are very public bad actors using their platforms. What that regulation would be I have no idea. I just refuse to believe that our options are to give the social media sites full immunity or to regulate the internet so strongly that no one is able to speak freely because all the platforms are worried about lawsuits.

Over at the VA, people are being fired. When Kurt gets into his office, Madeline Starkey (wait, are there two characters named Madeline in this episode?) is waiting for him. She’s still very quirky and scary.

Starkey says the guy that Diane reported is now saying Kurt trained him on using assault rifles and buying ammunition in bulk. Kurt notes these were topics covered in a group setting, which Starkey knew—and what she’s really after is the names of the others in the group. (She may already know them, since she knows there were five of them.)

Kurt refuses to name names and just stares at her.

Case stuff happens! (I liked the last two episodes a lot but it’s much faster for me to just write, “case stuff happens” for some of the scenes.)

Hey, surprise Aaron Tveit! (Not really a surprise; he is in the credits. But still yay!)

I don’t really know why Liz and Julius are talking about newspapers specifically and not all types of fact-based journalism/press? I feel like their argument is most convincing when it’s about actual newspapers (especially local ones) but still would apply to cable news...

Marissa’s still hard at work sorting papers when the associate comes back in and informs her she can stop; they’ve changed strategies and everything she’s done is now irrelevant. She also says “I forgot to tell you” at the start of that thought, meaning that she neglected to tell Marissa this important information earlier and wasted her time. Marissa is not pleased and so she goes to Wackner’s court, where Wackner now has a deli ticket machine and is wearing super-sized novelty sunglasses. Why not!

He sees Marissa and calls a five-minute recess. In “chambers,” Marissa tells him she’d like to work for him part-time but keep her RL job.

Wackner needs her help processing more copyright certificates. He’s priced them competitively at $20 and found that a lot of writers want these certificates, even though they have no legal value. (Neither do actual copyrights, Wackner notes. And he notes that if anyone plagiarizes, they can sue in HIS court.)

“Marissa, I’m building something here. I want you to join me. I want your advice on cases. I want to bounce legal theories off you,” he says. “What are your legal theories?” she asks. “I don’t know. That’s why I need to bounce them,” he says.

Marissa gives him from noon to 2 and 5-7, which seems awfully ambitious for someone working at a law firm!

“That’s how revolutions are made. Back rooms of copy shops,” he says, accepting her offer.

Kurt is sulking in the dark when Diane arrives home. He lets her know about Starkey’s visit and she immediately goes into lawyer mode. Notably, this scene does not spend much time on how Starkey found out the rioter’s name. Curious if they’re saving that for later or if Diane and Kurt both know what Diane must have done or if Kurt think’s it’s a coincidence.

Kurt SET UP A TOUR OF THE CAPITOL for one of the veterans in his shooting group, and that tour was ON JANUARY 6TH! I really do wish he’d told Diane that upfront.

Maybe the long pause where Kurt refuses to tell Diane which congressperson arranged the tour even after she promises she won’t say is him letting on that he knows that Diane ID’d the guy? Or maybe it’s just Kurt.

I do not like the dead birds in Starkey’s office, mostly because I do not like thinking about dead birds.

Starkey compares Diane and Kurt to the Conways.

And now more case stuff happens.

Julius gets to question a witness for the first time in two years! He’s a little shaky at first but then he does a fantastic job! Yay Julius!

When Diane arrives at the office, reception is filled with around a hundred teddy bears. “What?” she asks. “Build-a-Bears. They were sent to Marissa,” the receptionist explains. “Okay... why?” Diane asks the logical next question. The receptionist does not know.

“This one’s a Marissa bear,” she says, showing Diane a bear wearing boots and a wig. It does not look much like Marissa and it says “Hug me.”

Diane looks confused and furious at the same time. Her look here is, like, a milder version of the death stare she gives Alicia in Outside the Bubble when she learns about Alicia and Cary’s plan to leave.

“Why don’t we, meaning you, take all these stuffed animals and put them in the conference room,” Diane instructs the receptionist. She is NOT! HAPPY! The receptionist seemed to be having fun with the bears, but clearly the right answer was to have done something with them and... not to have put them over every surface in reception. Eeek.

Carmen’s new client, the rapist, arrives at the firm before anyone can hide the bears. “This may not be the firm for you,” his advisor/lawyer (I’m not totally sure what this dude’s job is) warns.

Madeline notices the rapist and glares at the receptionist. “I know. I’m putting them in the conference room,” the receptionist says, thinking Madeline is upset about the bears. She is not upset about the bears.

Diane finds Marissa, who’s working with Carmen again. She asks Carmen to give them a moment.

“Why are there hundreds of teddy bears in our reception?” Diane asks. Marissa is confused. Diane shows her the Marissa bear. Marissa looks horrified and amused. “That doesn’t even look like me,” Marissa notes, completely missing how pissed off Diane is. I don’t think we have seen Diane be this direct/no-nonsense in ages.

“That would seem to be beside the point. What is going on, Marissa?” Diane demands. Marissa suspects this is based on some advice she offered to a client who was buying a Build-a-Bear franchise and thinks this is a thank you gift. “What client? You’re not a lawyer! Why do you have clients?” Diane says exasperatedly.

Marissa gives her a look, and Diane immediately understands that she’s been back to Wackner’s court. “Oh my God, this is about that Copy Coop court?”

“Marissa, no. By participating in that simulacrum of a courtroom, you exposed this firm to malpractice, sanctions, and God knows what,” Diane says. If that were really true, she wouldn’t have sat there and argued. I mean, I don’t know the legality of this all, but I feel like it’s a bigger optics issue than legal issue if Diane and other lawyers are willing to even consider participating?

“If you wish to continue your employment at this firm, you will never do anything like that again. Do you understand?” Diane says. She will not hear any arguments.

I love that Marissa is the thing that keeps Wackner coming back. It’s a good plot for her, but structurally, it also allows the show to keep Wackner around without many contrivances. Wackner sees that Marissa would understand what he’s up to, she sees that he shares some of her frustrations with the law, and they both want to work together again. It’s not like suddenly everyone’s talking about Wackner’s court and all the cases somehow end up there or anything.

The receptionist, who is having a truly terrible day, comes into announce that Kurt and Starkey have arrived. “Don’t put them in the conference room!” Diane commands, knowing that the teddy bears will be there. It’s too late, though, because the receptionist (who previously seemed to be fine at her job if bad at recognizing public figures and understanding that partners might not find teddy bears amusing) has already put them in the conference room. I feel bad for her, and don’t think the other things were her fault, but I feel like she could’ve seen this one coming...

I find the teddy bears HILARIOUS, mostly because the reactions to them are so funny. It’s kind of the same gag as the balloons for Lucca in season two, but I don’t really care, because I’m getting to see Diane Lockhart treat hundreds of Build-a-Bears like they are a real work problem.

Starkey jokes about the bears; Kurt is silent.

The rioter from the poster is now accusing Kurt of coming up with the STRATEGY for January 6th, which Kurt and Diane both dismiss as bullshit.

I could do without Starkey’s musical cues.

I can’t tell if Kurt is in trouble here or if she’s just pressing him to name names. Why wouldn’t she just have rioter guy name names if he’s so eager to blame Kurt? I guess maybe if the others were actually there, he might be less likely to name the names of his actual co-conspirators? Or, Starkey might already know the names (surely the shooting range has logs) and be using this to raise the stakes.

No one (except maybe the partner named Daniel) is happy about the rapist in reception. “Since when are we representing people like Wolfe-Coleman?” Julius asks. Didn’t these people help both Sweeney (though I think Sweeney was in some weird police brutality case and they didn’t actually want to represent him) and Bishop? And Rivi? But they draw the line here? Sure.

Ah, there we go, an expository line-- “he’s the next Jeffrey Epstein”. Almost made it the whole episode without one of these. I’ll forgive it since it’s so late in the episode lol.

“Did you approve this, Liz?!” Madeline demands. Liz did not. Daniel wonders if that means Diane approved it. Liz doesn’t think so and calls Diane (who happens to be walking past) in.

“I know, the teddy bears. I’m working on it,” Diane says when she opens the door. I think the teddy bears are a bigger issue to Diane than to anyone else.

Diane didn’t approve representing Mr. Rapey either. She’s uncomfortable that a meeting was happening without her; Madeline notes that she is standing there specifically because they wanted to involve her.

David Lee pops up out of nowhere with the answer: one of the new associates (not Marissa, “the real one”) pulled in Mr. Rapey. Are there only two associates now even though orientation was for a big group?

Firth is gone, btw. David Lee is the new Mr. Firth. I have no idea why David would want to be STR Laurie’s guy for managing RL but... sure, whatever? David Lee is an effective antagonist, especially in small doses, and this allows the writers to keep him around and continue the STR Laurie plot without a key guest star. If STR Laurie is still a thing, and it seems like it is going to be a thing for a while, then having David Lee take on this role makes sense for plot. Otherwise they’re going to have to shoehorn him in to every plot somehow. At least now he has a reason to be around.

Liz and Diane take a walk to chat. Diane is worried about having David as their boss. Liz says she has a worse worry—David Lee knew exactly when to come downstairs with information, suggesting he know what they were talking about. “Would he do something like that?” Liz asks when Diane wonders if there’s a bug. “Oh, yeah,” Diane replies. Hah, yeah. He absolutely would.

They decide to have Jay search for bugs and Liz is frustrated with how much time they have to spend on things other than lawyering. Yup.

“What is going on with all the teddy bears in the conference room?” Liz asks as they head back to the office. “It’s a long story,” Diane sighs. I also love that the teddy bears link the various pieces of the episode together—it feels like all of these threads are happening simultaneously because of that constant.

I don’t get RL’s approach to clients. Bishop and Rivi are ok, Wolfe-Colman is not (except that actually he is fine). Cord is okay too. Do they draw the line anywhere? I know Liz was right when she said that OF COURSE they were taking the money, but is there really nothing that differentiates that situation from this one? I feel like there should be.

Marissa goes back to see Wackner. Since someone refuses to say “I respect and I love you,” Wackner reverses his ruling. This is part of the “Bad Loser Law of last Wednesday,” so the rules of Wackner’s court are clearly a work in progress.

Marissa explains she can’t be the law clerk because of Diane. She tries to connect him with a real lawyer, still not understanding exactly what Wackner’s after. “You know just enough not to crush what I’m doing here,” Wackner explains. “A real lawyer will look for reasons why not. I need someone to look for reasons why.”

Case stuff happens. I cannot read Cord’s handwriting. Liz and Julius lose the case because Judge Friend says what’s happening isn’t fair, but it is constitutional. (So here we have, at least in the show’s POV, a good and attentive judge who can’t make decisions that make sense because she’s bound by a document written before anyone had ever dreamed of the internet.)

Cord is waiting for Liz in her office. He’s prepared to bankroll an appeal. Did they blow thorough that $12 million already? Impressive; it’s been like a day.

Cord says they are definitely the firm he wants. Interesting.

Now Liz wants a meeting with Carmen, so it’s Marissa who leaves the room. This scene seems like it was meant to be a different day?

Liz wants to talk about Mr. Rapey. Carmen is, yet again, chill about the case. “Carmen, is there anyone that you would not represent?” Liz asks. Funny, Liz, I could ask you the same. Being hesitant about it is not changing the fact that you’re representing bad people. Carmen’s just cutting the bullshit.

“I don’t understand. Is there someone you don’t want me to represent?” I love how Carmen’s incredibly polite responses always seem very pointed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Carmen’s reply, and yet it puts Liz in a place where she can’t dance around what she’s trying to say.

“I’m just trying to get a sense of who you are,” Liz explains.

Then Liz decides she’s going to help on the Craig Wolfe-Colman (Mr. Rapey) case, and they will keep talking about her career path. Liz, this does not seem like the right solution! You're worried about your associate representing bad people so you’re like, I know, what if I ALSO represented bad people? If your goal is to convince Carmen not to take clients like this, you’re kinda shooting yourself in the foot!

“Are you worried about me?” Carmen says, again turning things on Liz. “I don’t know what I am about you,” Liz replies. Me either. Well, I know I'm intrigued, but beyond that, no clue!

All the bears have ended up in Diane’s office, where Wackner is waiting. He jokes about how his court is always seen as informal, yet this real fancy law office is covered in Build-a-Bears. Then he says he wants to hire RL—he's willing to pay. He wants consultation from Marissa (“consultation on legal issues”) and he’s prepared to spend a lot. And, if there’s one thing we know, it’s that they’re always going to take the money. So, they do.

I love that Wackner’s goal is to “perfect my little clubhouse of the law.” It’s a fun plot, and it also allows for the rules in his court to change (I’m sure we’re going to be treated to/subjected to a lot of whimsical gags around changing and ridiculous rules). It's also a good way to work through the thought experiment over the course of the season. It’s not like Wackner already has a system set up and it’s perfect—I'm sure we’re going to see his system run into issues and explore that more, too.

Wackner monologues a bit here about why he’s running fake court, and he lets us know he’s going to monologue. Basically he thinks people no longer want to help people and are only motivated by their own self interest. He notes that no one talks about the Peace Corps anymore and asks the last time Diane heard anyone say those words. I’m sure I’ve heard a reference more recently but my mind went RIGHT to season one Cary Agos saying “Peace Corps. Belize,” as some kind of smarmy pickup line. This is likely not where my mind was supposed to go.

Wackner wants “A new Peace Corps. For America.” Diane’s sympathetic to that and agrees to take him on as a client.

Wackner asks if he can take a bear. Diane instructs him to take two.

Aaaand Wackner and Cord end up on the elevator together. Wackner hands Cord a bear, the elevator doors close, and the episode ends. Since last episode ended with Marissa and Carmen in the elevator together, I’m hoping this will be how every episode this season ends. I think using the Kings’ favorite liminal space to transition between episodes is kind of fun, and it fits with the ellipses at the end of every episode title.

Speaking of... did you see today’s elevator-themed episode of Evil? It was written by the Kings. Those two have been obsessed with elevators for at least a decade.

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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