#but in regards to pain there was also the whole. Wallowing in it at times. romanticism & comparison to others. he doesn't shy away from

[cathymee]

(hyperfixated only; with no educational degree in regards to the subject) actually you're very wrong

[soaringwide]

PAC: What's next in your love life?

Here is my love ahead spread, where we're going to look into what is coming for you in your love life, having singles or people in non-committed or early stages of the relationship in mind.

The reading doesn't contain any info on gender or orientation.

As always, this is a general reading meant for multiple people, there are only 3 piles, so it might not apply 100% to you. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

I'm available for private readings and have a ko-fi. Free readings are currently closed at the time of writing this.

PILE 1

Cards: 7 of Pentacles, 7 of Cups, Judgement, the Tower, Knight of Wands, 8 of Swords, the Sun, 4 of Wands, Ace of Cups

We'll start by looking at your current situation regarding your love life.

It seems something has been growing in your love life for a while now. I'm thinking the early stages of a relationship or a crush situation. Zooming out, the growth seems steady, but it's possible that it wasn't so smooth when you look at it on the day to day. Some days might have felt like take 2 steps backward, and the next day you would move forward again. As a result you might be loosing your patience a little, ignoring the fact that things are indeed moving forward, even though not as fast as you want them to, or not exactly the way you want them to. You're eagerly waiting for things to take up speed and finally reach some type of harvest that you've been craving for. I also see you as somewhat passive, waiting for something to happen on its own. You're not necessarily taking any decisive action, but rather going with the flow of things and observing your relationship build slowly. Overall you feel quite impatient.

With the 7 of Cups in the position of things going for you, I think you have a tendency to get lost in your daydreams and illusions, regarding love and love interests. However, you're fully aware of that and actively de-fogging the whole thing. I see you trying to remain realistic and not too much in your head. I think that's a process that you had to learn the hard way. You're learning to pick up on the truth and discard the lies, which is quite painful and not a growth that happens in a straight line. Inside all this mess, there are nuggets of wisdom you're determined to find. It's like, either it helps you clear the way for this specific relationship, or it just makes you a healthier human, which is a win win situation.

However for what's going against you, I think you still have a tendency to put the blame on others instead of understanding that the current situation is your doing. If you're unsatisfied with the pace of things, you have choices. You can either wait and find peace in that, or move on to pursue something else. Whatever it is, don't wallow in misery because you feel frustrated and let resentment boil within you against your person, yourself, or the situation. What I'm trying to say is that you're refusing to make the call and pick a path to follow with determination, and instead you keep going back and forth in your head and creating a terrible emotional state for yourself. If you keep waiting for a sign in a passive and hopeless way, things will not change.

For what to take in in this situation, I see the need for a big wake up call with the Tower. I know this card has a bad rep but I think here it's mostly an indication of the intensity of the shift you need to do. It is paired with the Knight of Wands which is a clear indication that you need to take the reign and pursue what you want, taking a risk that things might collapse as a result. Welcome illusions being stripped away, let go of lies and take the risk to reveal your true self.

I asked for a clarification and got the 8 of Swords, which shines light on this state you need to wake up from: the fact that you keep yourself in a state of powerlessness when you have the means to cut your bonds. Really, this state of stagnancy is your doing and you need to own up to the fact and get out of that hole. Whatever you decide to do, you need to shake things up drastically and take a more active part in your love life.

What you need to release with the Sun, I get the idea that you're a bit too childish and immature when it comes to love matters, or at least in this situation. The card shows a child on a horse, but unlike the knight of wands who is in full control of his mount, the sun-child is merely waving his arms around and not doing much. It looks quite comical and does not embody a serious partner one might want to pursue. So I'm getting again the idea of the need to be more serious and committed, and releasing this naive mindset that things are going to fall on your lap without you doing anything at all.

For the most probably outcome in this situation, with the Four of Wands I was drawn to look up the astrological correspondence of the card and I got Venus in Aries, which is quite funny since Venus is currently in Aries until April 29th 2024 (writing this on the 23rd). I don't necessarily think this means everyone will find an outcome within the next few days, however, it does point out at changes happening presently, or as a direct result of this Venus in Aries season. Which again puts the idea of acting and stop wasting time.

It's also fun because it points at a very fiery approach to love, much like what the Knight of Wands was suggesting. Instead of worrying whether they love you or not, whether you should move on or not, you're being advised to go and find out. With the 4 of Wands as this placement in the tarot, there is an idea of celebration and coming together. The characters on the card are inviting, as if to welcome you in their circle, or hinting at a festive event or a gathering. A positive outcome is definitely possible, and if not, it's the opportunity to move on from heartache and find a better future with your heart unburdened.

The underlying energy is presented by the Ace of Cups, which definitely speaks of an exciting time for romantic feelings, where feelings are being birthed and coming to light. There is opportunity for a renewal in this connection.

PILE 2

Cards: The Devil, the Lovers, the Queen of Swords, Ace of Swords, 8 of Wands, 9 of Cups, the Fool 10 of Cups, 2 of Wands, 6 of Swords, 3 of Cups, 3 of Wands

We'll start by looking at your current situation regarding your love life.

With the Devil as you current situation, it is possible that you're crushing on someone or are in a non-committed relationship with someone that is loaded with sexual energy. However, it also points at an obsessive dynamic in the relationship which fosters an unhealthy atmosphere. It is clarified by the Lovers and the Queen of Swords, so I think there might be someone in this relationship hoping for love, and someone with their walls up, appearing cold and distant, even if there is physical intimacy at play here. It's also possible that the one interested in committed love doesn't respect their own boundaries and let themselves being stringed along.

As to what's going for you, I see you embracing clarity and the desire to cut through bullshit at this point. A part of you wants to reach the truth of this situation and is willing to think about it deeply. Get your sense of agency back by either communicating your needs and fears or by taking the time by yourself to work on that. It's clarified by the 8 of Wands so I see quick communication, heated arguments perhaps but it's for the best because you need to get to the core of the issue.

For what's going against you, I see you clinging onto the good aspects of this relationship, as in, it's not perfect but there's enough pleasurable aspects to it that you don't want to let go of that. You're protective of what you have and I also see you being a bit too carefree by pretending the negative aspects of this situation don't affect you that much, that everything is find and good, even though it isn't. You might be a bit of a hopeless romantic and you just don't want to see that this situation is not bringing you the true happiness that you seek but rather putting you in a unstable and potentially threatening situation. I don't know how to put it but with this + the Devil as significator for this relationship I get toxic vibes from this, but that you're too addicted to it to really snap out of it.

What you need to take in is shown by the 10 of Cups, and I think here it means that you need to find hope again that you're deserving of true and untainted happiness in matters of love. This card is about commitment and romantic, even familial fulfillment, and I think it's important to remember that if that's what you want then you can't settle for less because then you'll never get what your heart truly desires. This card is here to remind you of your dream, stop settling for less and suffocating your true wish.

You need to release your hope that the situation will solve itself without making a choice. I get the idea that you keep imagining how things could be, or would be if X or Y happened, but you're not taking the necessary step towards your wish.

All of this is highlighted by the general energy of the reading, which is all about going back to decision making after a time of hesitation. It's going to be your role to know which decision you need to make and how though, but you need to leave the harbor at some point.

For the outcome of this situation, I see you moving on to better days, letting go of this situation that doesn't fulfill you and going through a very social phase where you're going to either form new connections, or get back in touch with friends and celebrate your newfound freedom. It seems this decision of moving on will bring you a lot more happiness than sorrow. Yes it is painful to let go, but you have much to gain, and seeking different social interactions will help you feel better and get back on track. Perhaps it would help to find the humor in the situation and have fun gossiping about this relationship with your friends in order to vent and get another perspective.

PILE 3

Cards: Wheel of Fortune, the Fool, 3 of Cups, 9 of Cups, Ace of Swords rx, 9 of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, Temperance, 10 of Swords, the High Priestess, 9 of Swords

First off, let's look at your current love life.

For this pile, I don't think there is anyone specific in the picture for you. I see two possible situations depending on the people. Some of you might have experienced a breakup and are now in your new chapter, having left behind that situation and being past that; for others, I see you waiting for a relationship to show up eventually like some big turn of events. In both cases, you have a very open and carefree attitude right now, enjoying the moment and I get the idea that you might be enjoying casual sex as well, for some of you at least. In any case, you are currently not bound to anyone.

For what's going for you, I see you being social, meeting new people or enjoying time with friends. You're just enjoying yourself and your freedom and it's what you feel called to do right now. It seems you really needed to go through that phase in order to feel happier with yourself and find your balance again.

For what's going against you, I see the idea of casual, or at least, superficial connections showing up once more. You might also not be super ready to get into a committed relationship at the moment because you still feel the need to enjoy your freedom and have either multiple partners, or you just want to enjoy your social life without having to compromise or divide the limited time you have in your hands for one person only. I also see that you lack clarity on what you want. Is a committed relationship really what you want, or do you want to keep what you have right now? And if a relationship is what you want, what would it look like? I think you need to take some time reflecting on what romantic happiness looks like to you to see if it aligns with what you're doing.

For what you need to welcome in, there is a message here of reminding yourself that love is not just about sex and intensity, but also about sweetness and complicity. Looking up to your partner because you find them incredible, because they make you feel like a giggly child you can be your true self with. I also see the need to value true and deep emotional connection. There is a need to be the guardian of your fulfillment, not in a warroir-like way, but rather, in a nurturing way. Be the gardener that takes care of their blooming plants with love and care, and by that I mean that you need to put in the energy of what you want to harvest in the future, not just what's easily available in the moment. You also need to be more independent and advocate for your needs.

It's is very important to make way before you can receive anything new. Which means that you need to get clear on what it is that you truly want and release what doesn't align with that. Perhaps you're also quite detached and would benefit from getting in touch with your deeper emotions again. I think you've somewhat been hiding your heavier emotions inside and ignoring them for a while now and that might be what needs to be released.

For outcome, I think there is a deep need for realizing the options you have to choose from regarding your love life, and really take a look at what you truly want. I think this very social phase will come to an end for now, that you will be more focused on yourself and your inner world. This may trigger intense negative feelings that you were ignoring up until now because you were distracting yourself from them. You may need to hit the bottom before you can rise again, but fear not because from there, the only way to go is up. Learn to look for answers within, I think this time has the opportunity to teach you a lot about yourself and help your grow as a person and to gain clarity on your life.

I also wanted to note that there is a striking lack of Wands in this reading, which to me indicates that the main point of work in your situation is not so much taking actions, but processing thoughts and emotions to get clear on what you want and how to get there. A time for self reflection and growth is coming up.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Chryed3 said: Like you I like complicated stories with well layered characters and therefore have been drawn to the writings of Anne Rice. Prefacing by saying , even though the vampires are monsters, I love them for their imperfections—very human. I’ve been rereading the books and faithfully watching the TV series. Chef kisses to Rolin Jones team. Of course including the actors. I’m a Loustat cheerleader but also enjoy the other multiple relations throughout the series.

However, what I keep returning to over and over is Louis’ betrayal of Lestat. Having been on this planet myself for over 70 years and in a few relationships I know how devastated I was when a soon-to-be ex-lover had not been trustworthy, lied, and, or being too personal, just devastated me, the relationship etc. And then for Louis to silently agree to “We’re going to kill Lestat” had to break Lestat’s heart and soul. There’s no going back. (I know, Lestat can be very forgiving) But even centuries of living can’t change or annul that deep hurt.

But Lestat, monster that he is, is almost a sweetheart in that regard and I know we’re going to see it, but Louis needs to step up to the plate-. (having read the books I know he eventually does)

All of this to say , THAT is the moment I want to see. And that is when I’ll cry my eyes out in relief. Once again, I know we’ll get there but, gosh, sometimes I just want to slap Louis and say, “Snap out of I!” and I’ve never hit anyone in my life. That’s how great Jacob is doing his job and that’s how annoying Louis can be to evoke such feelings. No wonder Jacob asked people not to hate Louis. Jacob is doing such a great jog that whoa, it’s difficult not to be annoyed🙂

Love your blog. Sorry for the long post.

________

No apologies necessary :)))

And sending you a big hug for that emotional pain you have endured :/ I hope the wounds are healing, truly 💕

And yes - it had to break Lestat's heart to hear that. And I firmly believe that this is part of what sent him spiraling, though not all of course. But the pain of knowing the betrayal, before it happens? To wait for it? Stifling pain.

I think that is why "murder night" was almost a relief, finally. It happened, the dice were rolling, and with it came acceptance.

Louis says it in s1, but time offers perspective, and when Louis and Lestat will meet again properly - not at the trial I mean - then they both will have had time to reflect, to digest. To change, just a bit.

I mean, that is what happens with Lestat in the books, too, doesn't it. And Louis. They both get the time to let the feeling pass... and return to the longing for the other.

We, as mortals, usually do not have this extra time. We do not have 50 to 70 years we can sit back and just wallow in the feeling of betrayal, until it's diluted enough for us to move on from it.

Some people may be able to do it faster.

But I think it speaks for itself that even Lestat wasn't able to do it faster. I mean... we'll see it how they spin it at the trial, but even later, much later, there is still a certain pettiness between them, a certain grudge, that exists.

And in the show... I think one cannot quite say if the Lestat reaching out to Louis there via Armand (in 2x05) has already stomached the betrayal. Because it is one thing to have an acute point of worry, which this is, and another to forgive the other when they're back whole and safe and sound.

And so I think that... the decades apart is what offers them perspective. And forgiveness. Just like in the book.

And I think Anne was painfully aware when she wrote it like this. I'm not sure "we" could forgive like that. But... they, other than we do, have the time.

[lets-try-some-writing]

I just finished reading your “Optimus as Unicron’s Sparkling AU” (IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST PEICES OF WRITING I HAVE EVER READ) and there was something I was left wondering about. What if Optimus joined the Decepticons in his exile instead of the AutoBots. However you want to do it is fine, whether that be because of Unicron’s constant urges, or the Prime just feeling so betrayed. Again it’s up to you entirely. But really you writing is astonishing, and absolutely amazing. Thanks!

Thank you so much for the praise!! My dear requester you have literally made my day with this (after I dug through my pile of requests to find your lovely idea). I love this whole concept, thank you very much. I wish I could draw better so that I could illustrate these scenes.

Previous part here. Part most relevant to the request here.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

The Autobots wallowed after they chose to send their Prime away, but left alone to heal and to think, Optimus's thoughts wandered. As he hid in an old garage, trying to compose himself and come to terms with all that had come to pass, he started to reminisce. He thought back on his life and all that had led up to his current situation, and as he did, he found his opinions shifting.

Over the first week, he remained firm in his belief that what he did was right. He struck his maker down, for if he hadn't, there would have been nothing left of his foster Sire's efforts. He could not condemn the one who raised him to continue on without a legacy. That was a faith he kept close to himself, but his thoughts regarding his mortal life began to be questioned. He fought for the Autobots to stop tyranny and to ensure that Primus's creations remained free. Megatron wished for freedom too, but his actions were monstrous, terrible by any moral definition. But then again, what was Optimus if not the creation of monstrosity?

By the end of the second week, Optimus began to doubt, not even bothering to move from his hiding place as he thought. At first he was plagued by guilt for even questioning, but then as he continued his contemplation, pieces he never considered began to fall into place. When he was Orion Pax, he was middle caste and was not shown the darker sides of society. He was foolish in his actions and his words, going on to provoke Megatronus by stealing the spotlight the Kaoni warrior deserved and fought so hard to obtain. He was willing to accept that he was wrong in that regard. But when he ascended to once again become a Prime, was he really wrong to fight back? Megatron killed mecha, he stripped them of their choice by tearing the council down without a care for those caught up in the backlash.

But then again, when was peace really ever an option? Mecha still would have suffered if things had been done slowly as he had hoped so long ago. There would have been pain all the same, it just would have lasted longer and been more drawn out. Fighting back against Megatron's revolution turned rebellion only brought greater suffering than if he had just allowed his former brother in arms to win. Not only that, but was Megatron really that wrong in his ideals? Yes they were more perverted from time and bitterness, however he still fought for freedom did he not? If Optimus had been there to steer him in the right direction, he could have appeased his maker by ensuring change was a constant while also assuring that his foster Sire's children didn't wipe themselves out in civil war.

By week three he came to a startling conclusion amidst his wallowing. He had failed in both his directives by trying so hard to maintain mortal morality. He was a creation of Unicron, his function was chaos and due to the kindness of his foster Sire, it was his duty to ensure his chaos was directed into something useful. In attempting to be something he wasn't due to his time as Orion Pax, he failed to bring change. The war was horrific, but it was static, nothing of note ever shifted. Always death, always battle, but there was no change. And in the never ending death, he was also failing his foster Sire by allowing his creations to drive themselves to extinction, even going so far as to encourage it by driving the war on and refusing to yield.

His Autobots didn't want him anymore, they feared him and all that he was. Even his oldest friend and his sparkling wished him to vanish. Optimus could not grant them that, he was eternal, destined to walk the stars until they went out and the universe unraveled. However he could fulfill his function and in doing so, finally bring about an end to the war that was driving his foster Sire's children to extinction.

When at last Optimus stirred, he did not reject his maker's touch. He relished in it. The Matrix pulsed in warning but Optimus ignored it for the most part. It was there to keep him on track, he would heed it when required, but his duty was long planned. He had a mission, a goal. He had to end this foolish war, and he was not afraid to wield the power granted to him from his birth to do so.

Thus as Optimus pushed himself up and abandoned the place he had taken shelter in, he found himself wandering. His frame broke apart into what it was in the beginning of times, a mess of energy and corruption balanced only by enough order to keep it contained. Unicron smiled and praised his creation through their bond with every passing moment as Optimus drew more and more upon his maker. In a matter of days, all remnants of the adaptation Optimus performed during the age of Primes faded away to reveal his true colors. A giant even amongst Cybertronian kind, he walked the surface of the earth, all its flora and fauna bowing to the one son of the being which spawned them. The Matrix screamed in concern, flaring wildly to try and reign Optimus back in, and it worked to a degree. Optimus's thoughts shifted, his ideals warping in response to the influx of his maker's power, but never did he become what his maker intended. Primus's touch was still powerful, but more subdued.

His attachments faded somewhat, ending up still present but distant in the ways of immortals gazing down upon their short lived comrades. He cared for his former team, he still loved his dear Autobots, but he knew what was best for them. The foolish children of Primus could not see their faults. The Decepticons were cruel, they were wild, and they were most certainly lost. However the Autobots were no better, their corruption ran deep, so deep in fact that only looking through the sight of one beyond mortality revealed it to him. Optimus had been so wrapped up in his war and maintaining morality that he hadn't seen the indoctrination, the functionalism, and the rampant biases that would most certainly lead to reinstitution of the council should the Autobots win. Changing their path was impossible now, but Optimus had no desire to kill those he held dear. He merely needed to play the side that needed his aid, just as he did with his false siblings during the first age.

They would hate him for it, but did they not hate him already?

With his frame having lost all its Cybertronian adaptations beyond the general form of one, Optimus was left with no ability to use internal commlink communication or any sort of technological advantage to contact Megatron. However Starscream quickly proved useful as soon as the seeker in exile was captured. Starscream shook like a leaf when he was wrenched out of the sky, and thus he complied swiftly when Optimus forced his shattered frame components to rattle in a mimicry of true speech.

Optimus: C̷o̴m̸m̸u̴n̴i̶c̸a̶t̷i̵o̷n̸ ̴m̷u̷s̷t̴ ̵b̷e̷ ̷a̸c̷h̵i̶e̴v̶e̵d̵.̷ ̶C̴o̴n̵t̷a̵c̶t̴ ̷M̸e̷g̶a̸t̴r̷o̸n̴ ̶o̵f̶ ̵K̵a̴o̶n̶.̶ ̶I̴ ̸m̴u̵s̸t̸ ̴s̵p̵e̸a̶k̵ ̶w̷i̴t̴h̴ ̶h̸i̷m̴.̴ ̶

Starscream, terrified for his life and unwilling to risk it: Of course my Lord.

Starscream was dutiful, and within the groon Optimus had communications established. It was of course an understatement to assume that Megatron was shocked. He witnessed Optimus's full might as Unicron woke, so seeing him in such a state once more put him on edge. However against all his expectations, Optimus did not threaten, he did not demand or speak in strange clinical whispers as he had last they met while the Prime was filled with the Unamaker's power. No, instead Optimus merely uttered his decree.

Optimus: M̴y̶ ̴m̵i̸n̶d̸ ̸w̴a̵s̵ ̷c̸l̴o̴u̵d̵e̶d̶ ̶b̵y̵ ̸m̵o̶r̷a̷l̴i̷t̸y̵ ̵t̶h̷a̵t̴ ̷I̷ ̷w̶a̴s̷ ̴n̸o̵t̸ ̵m̸e̷a̸n̶t̷ ̸t̶o̵ ̶c̶o̶m̶p̶r��e̶h̴e̵n̷d̶.̷ ̴I̴ ̵d̷e̶v̸i̴a̴t̸e̴d̷ ̴f̵r̷o̶m̸ ̷m̸y̶ ̶p̵u̷r̴p̴o̷s̶e̶,̵ ̶a̵n̵d̵ ̴a̴l̵l̷ ̵o̷f̶ ̷P̸r̴i̸m̶u̸s̷'̴s̸ ̸c̷r̸e̴a̵t̵i̷o̶n̴s̸ ̸h̵a̵v̵e̵ ̵s̸u̴f̶f̶e̸r̵e̴d̷ ̵f̷o̷r̵ ̶i̵t̴.̴ ̵

Megatron: What do you want Prime?

Optimus: I̵ ̷w̵i̸s̷h̸ ̸t̸o̶ ̵m̴a̸k̶e̵ ̵t̷h̸i̸n̴g̸s̶ ̶r̸i̸g̷h̷t̴,̶ ̸t̷o̶ ̷e̷n̴d̵ ̵t̴h̶i̸s̶ ̸m̷e̵a̶n̴i̷n̵g̵l̸e̸s̸s̶ ̶s̵t̸a̷t̴i̸c̸ ̷c̵y̷c̶l̷e̶ ̶o̷f̷ ̷d̵e̸a̸t̸h̴ ̷a̸n̸d̷ ̶d̶e̷s̴t̵r̴u̷c̵t̸i̶o̶n̷.̸

Megatron: So you wish to slaughter me and my Decepticons with that newfound power of yours?

Optimus: N̸o̷,̴ ̷t̶h̴a̸t̴ ̶i̸s̸ ̵a̶ ̷w̵o̴r̶t̸h̷l̸e̷s̵s̵ ̶e̸n̸d̶e̸a̸v̴o̵r̸.̴ ̸T̶h̶e̴ ̵A̴u̴t̷o̴b̷o̴t̸s̴ ̴a̷r̷e̵ ̶g̷o̵o̸d̸,̵ ̴b̴u̷t̷ ̴t̷h̵e̷y̴ ̵a̸r̸e̶ ̸m̶i̷s̴g̶u̴i̶d̴e̸d̴ ̸s̶o̶ ̶g̵r̶e̶a̵t̵l̶y̵ ̵t̴h̶a̸t̷ ̶I̵ ̴c̴a̶n̵n̷o̴t̵ ̵f̶i̸x̸ ̶i̵t̷.̴ ̸T̶h̵e̷ ̷D̵e̴c̴e̷p̷t̷i̶c̷o̸n̴s̷ ̴a̷r̷e̸ ̵l̴o̴s̸t̶,̴ ̴b̸u̴t̵ ̵t̵h̷e̵y̶ ̵c̴a̵n̸ ̵b̷e̴ ̶f̶o̷u̵n̴d̶.̶

Megatron: Get to the point.

Optimus: I̶n̷ ̷e̶x̴c̸h̷a̵n̶g̶e̵ ̷f̴o̷r̵ ̶m̸y̷ ̴A̶u̸t̸o̸b̷o̷t̸s̸ ̵b̸e̴i̶n̴g̶ ̸a̷l̶l̸o̵w̸e̵d̶ ̶t̴o̴ ̷l̸i̵v̸e̵,̷ ̴I̷ ̶w̷i̷l̴l̶ ̸j̷o̵i̴n̵ ̸y̷o̵u̴ ̵a̸n̶d̵ ̷f̴i̵g̶h̷t̸ ̷f̴o̷r̵ ̸t̶h̷e̶ ̷f̵r̵e̸e̷d̴o̶m̵ ̷o̵f̵ ̶y̴o̶u̴r̸ ̶k̶i̴n̷.̷

There was a great silence from all present as the words were spoken. Starscream froze up, incapable of processing the Optimus Prime of all mecha was about to jump ship and swap sides. Soundwave very nearly lost his mind the moment the audio from the commlink was relayed to him. Every other present commander had to reboot their audial systems just to be sure they heard right. As for Megatron? He stopped, his optics wide as he listened and waited for the other shoe to drop. When Optimus said nothing else, he rebooted once and then nodded simply.

"I always knew you would make a fine Decepticon"

With no reason to doubt the Prime in his declaration and sensing Unicron's affirmation through the vague connection Megatron held to the chaos god, Optimus was soon allowed on board the nemesis. He was met with raised blades and increadible suspicion due to his prior behavior, however within a few weeks, that hostility all but vanished as Optimus proved his worth. The Decepticons were still wary of him, his field and nature as one of the Unmaker's creations ensured that. He was their opposite, a thing that was similar to them but not the same. Even still, the Vehicons laughed in joy when Optimus joined them on the battlefield as one of their own for the first time, much to the horror of the Autobots there to fight.

Bulkhead: Optimus? What are you doing?!

Optimus: I̶ ̵w̶a̵s̸ ̷l̶a̶x̶ ̷i̴n̷ ̸m̷y̵ ̷d̸u̷t̵i̸e̸s̴.̷ ̸B̵u̶t̷ ̶n̶o̵ ̷l̸o̴n̸g̵e̴r̵.̵ ̶I̷ ̶w̵i̵l̶l̵ ̴e̵n̷s̷u̸r̶e̶ ̷t̷h̶i̴s̶ ̶f̵o̷o̴l̷i̸s̸h̸ ̷w̸a̸r̶ ̶c̴o̵m̸e̸s̶ ̶t̶o̴ ̷a̵n̸ ̵e̴n̸d̶.̴

Arcee: Have you lost your mind!? What does that even mean!? What are you doing with the Decepticons?!

Optimus: D̷o̸ ̴n̷o̵t̸ ̶f̴e̸a̷r̴ ̸l̵i̵t̴t̵l̵e̸ ̵c̴h̴i̵l̵d̵r̷e̴n̷,̶ ̶y̴o̵u̷ ̸b̴e̷l̸o̷n̷g̴ ̵t̴o̸ ̶m̵e̴,̸ ̵a̸n̵d̴ ̷t̴h̶u̷s̷ ̴I̷ ̵w̵i̴l̸l̸ ̵m̶a̴k̶e̶ ̴s̴u̷r̵e̷ ̸t̴o̷ ̸k̵e̶e̶p̷ ̷y̴o̸u̷ ̴a̶l̴i̶v̶e̴ ̸a̸s̴ ̶I̴ ̵s̴e̶t̴ ̴t̵h̵i̵n̶g̶s̵ ̸r̴i̴g̸h̷t̶.̷ ̴

Unicron rejoiced as his son wrecked havoc on the battlefield. The children wept as they watched the recordings of the event. Bumblebee pulled away, blaming himself for his Sire's fall. Ratchet grew more and more guilt ridden, and the rest of the team were not much better off. They had failed and in their hubris they had driven their leader into a darkness they feared he would never emerge from. All the while the Decepticons grew more and more hopeful, all eager to see the war brought to a close even if none were comfortable around the Prime who now bore their emblem with controlled apathy.

[jaynovz]

Silverflint Bathing Fic Rec List

So I realized I had most of this rec list already compiled because I really like reading about the Pirate Lads getting squeaky clean. So here ya go!

--

All Our Yesterdays by trill_gutterbug:

Summary: “It might do you good to stop wallowing in your own filth,” Flint replies. “Although just as likely you’d dissolve completely.”

Silver shakes his head. “If you haven’t, I certainly won’t.”

Flint opens his hand invitingly. “Come find out.”

Silver regards him thoughtfully for a long moment. “We won’t fit.”

Flint adjusts himself, sitting up straighter. He lifts one dripping leg onto the edge of the rim, opening a vee of space in the water. “There’s room.”

Bathed by twofronteethstillcrooked:

Summary: An itch had caused him to reach back to scratch. His fingers came away red as the pain shot like cannon fire across his shoulder.

Silver went pale as he rushed nearer. “You told me you weren’t injured.”

Flint shrugged. “I didn’t think I was.”

Silver seemed to be clenching his teeth hard enough to crack rock. His nostrils flared. “We should see to it before you head much further inland.” He sounded like someone Flint did not want to test on the matter.

what the water gave me by youatemytailor:

Summary: "Captain," Silver says, firmly, like this is the most important discussion they have ever had, "Come here now and let me smell your goddamned hair."

Aftermath by Thiebes:

Summary: It had only been days without Silver in front of him, but Flint couldn't take his eyes away.

Flint gives Silver a bath after being captured by Israel Hands.

I wish for once we could stay gold by jaynovz:

Summary: Madi has discovered that pirates truly are a grimy bunch, but her two have managed to keep fairly clean the last few months when they had access to fresh water.

The governor’s mansion is filled with bustle, men scurrying about, seeking answers from both Captain Flint and their new King, but there is time enough to steal them away. Time enough this evening for some respite, to cleanse the grief and violence from the last few days alongside the dirt.

the only way out is the way back in by samedifference61:

Summary: And Silver obviously means to further agitate Flint’s state when he says, “Do you know what she said to me this morning? She said, ‘I cannot understand why the two of you have not been intimate yet.’”

a shared bath, a conversation about death, and a promise

A State of Undress by mycapeisplaid:

Summary: It's not everyday you get to undress your Captain.

Note: Specifically chapter four for the bathing, but the whole series is great :))

from whence we came and to where we shall go by princesskay:

Summary: Only a starving man could be this hungry -- this recklessly wanton.

Our Longed-For Bed by mapped:

Summary: Flint wishes for something he may call home again. Perhaps Silver is that something.

Surety by Magnetism_bind:

Summary: After Silver's finally returned from the sea Flint has to deal with his feelings.

Here there is liberation by frau_kali:

Summary: The water was cool against his skin, making him shiver, probably visibly. He touched the sponge against the area around his stump, doing his best not to wince. The water always helped, always lessened the pain.

“I'd be careful not to waste a single drop of that, if I were you,” Flint spoke up from his desk, making notes in his log. He hadn't looked at Silver since his quartermaster had removed his clothing. Probably too distracting, Silver thought, with a twist of newfound pride. - In which Silver teases Flint, is teased in return, and begins to discover a thing he didn't know he wanted. Oh, and also hair washing and pulling :)

Princes of the New World by x_etoile_x:

Summary: “This is your plan?” Flint sneers, looking at Silver like he’d expected no better. “Hiding below decks like a rat?”

“Now Captain, that’s unkind,” Silver pouts, trying to hide his hurt behind teasing reproach. All day he has tried to match Flint, to fight alongside him though he is ill-suited to it, and it has earned him nothing but disdain. Now it’s time to do things his way for a while. “Like a stowaway, at least.” --- After they have taken the warship and been cast out of the crew, Flint and Silver are forced to contend with each other and the nature of their relationship.

Note: Bathing specifically in chapter 4, but the whole series this belongs to, our feast is but beginning, is top tier, highly recommend.

--

As always, hit me up if there is a fic you think I’ve missed! <3 <3

[cornus27florida]

Frederick Appreciation Post!

Sorry in the mess kinda style and born from various emotions tbh - the goal is to feel better towards thinking him as the best boi tbh ^^

As in, thinking more about him - Frederick! ~

Him being the Green Plaid Prince ultimately makes him the green flag too - there's so many examples but only in Gwen's dinner arc alone he keeps helping people that he knows care about him and being very supportive to Gwen <3

His character is so complex, the pioneer of the redemption trio - as he indeed make mistake that basically the trigger of the story unfold with unintentionally making Gwen hurts and then she meets the CPC. But it's not coincidence, as giving ultimate breaker for his father's evil plan. He indeed jerk and sassy and judgemental on early appearance but I know LambCat has stuff in store to gives layers for him and that's turn out right! Dark troubled past that's relatable but very capable of goodness - he just need an angel of the fortune (Gwen) to guides him to the light path and have mutual "special" relationship in form of respect and cares to each other = relationship goal, totally! This what healthy (love) should be! And he totally capable of goodness like what his sudden surprise! mentor at the street when wants to meet Gwen, Whitney, that later on becomes part of the CPC says - his pain although "subtle" is valid so he shouldn't belittle his own as 'insignificant' but he didn't need to wallow too long as once he feels ready - He could change his story, ultimately changes story roles. First part he painted as unaware villain, then later we learn how he could be a very nice supporter as simple a friend to Gwen. He's judgemental but that's his defense mechanism, and yet at the same time he isn't afraid to admit his mistaken opinion-ask forgiveness-and totally making amends out of it.. He just need to be pointed out gently about where his mistake!

Serious "Dark Comedy" 'Fun' corner

This give ultimate debate regarding topic about gaslighting, too eager 'To die' or passive suicidal ideation - one thing that I could say: mental disaster blonde, someone (or multiple) people please save him! This clear sign of "self-harm"

Frederick, and the cliffs - symbol of "death"

Sorry for ping there @randomgentlefolk but I remember your talk at episode 158 about Frederick and the cliffs at the Pastel Kingdoms

He never actively jumping to the cliff but somehow falling a lot too - and in the real world rational thinking...The height of the cliff are all abnormal (one of funny yet also concerning is when he accidentally fell down to the CPC as isn't like several meters? People could fall to death depending on many factors, but I feel if ordinary people (unlike him who has ridiculous Plaid genetics that makes him physically strong deep down) fall from the cliff like him-they die

And when i am rereading balcony serenade arc

The first event as the catalyst that make sure for Frederick that at least Gwen as his fiancee care-

^ the comment section pointing out: if Gwen let go, what happened to you?! You just fall from the cliff then? Maybe in the CPC for Frederick's case he somehow 'magically' surviving all the falling from cliff incidents but Frederick himself knows that "pushing someone from the cliff"=murder

That's the whole reason why he mistaken Gwen with Monika thus thinking Gwen as immortal witch after all - he so scared 'kills' Gwen

But why he feels totally OK if himself the one that falling? The nonchalant exclaim "I fall a lot" seems not bodes with me - if not adding the unwritten fact that if Pastel siblings are like fairy tale with superpower abilities each.. Then Plaids has fairytale resiliency and ridiculous power. Leland could rip a coffee mug in half. Make dull knife a lethal weapon. Frederick that supposed to be "the weakest" could carry 200 kilograms llama, and his resilience over falling from the cliff seems the nods for that. Blaine in physical power not clear but in swordsmanship skill he so excel. Now only need to see Lance that dubbed as the strongest plaid prince can do! It's established as he can make someone flying with a slap

[kachimera]

@saratrantoul ok i was going to make this a proper post but all i can get out of my head are these rambles, so apologies for the mess 👉👈

Regarding Leon/Isaac, i dont have a manifesto but rather why i think it'd be fun to see them interact:

it's mostly the similarity of their situations despite their completely opposite beliefs- two guys who lost everything they loved at the hands of someone they considered a friend. They had disaster divorces and are vindictive over it they can bond over that. And also the fact that (mostly going with PtR's Isaac), both have a certain code of honor, and both have gone to war in the name of a higher being, as twisted as both of these things are on Isaac. (This also ties w my funny "Mathias creating friction between Leon n the church hc"). And, assuming they do end up having something instead of instantly killing eachother, Leon (knowing he has issues but dealing w them on his own bc oops friendship failed me) sees part of his own pain on this guy and is like "i can fix him" in a "im gonna give him the support i wish i had" way. Meanwhile Isaac doesn't wants any help nor affection at all and just wants to wallow in his misery but he still ends up feeling attachment. Something something his older brother mentality and just, picking on Leon while also being overprotective of him (he'd also piss him off just enough to get the pretty noble knight to fuck him raw lmao). It end up being a pretty unstable and toxic relationship, with both having incompatible values but also needing eachother bc they got nothing left.

And Celiakado. Ooooh boi Celiakado. This one comes with the context of interpreting Arikado's general shittyness in the sorrow games as legit part of his character instead of just him being ooc. His whole mission all this time was to oppose his father and now he's no more. He's someone who has been chewed up and spit out by the cycle so badly that he ends up trying to control it in return. And this is where Celia comes in. Her goals match with Arikado regarding the need of a new dark lord (except the killing/turning Soma part) and it's implied she knows him or has heard abt him in the beginning of DoS, spends a lot of time offscreen like him during the game, and manages to escape in the neutral ending despite Arikado's stated goal of stopping her. So, why can't they be cooperating behind the curtains, caught in manipulation games between this messed up gal who considers Arikado an extra powerful candidate in denial that she can manipulate, and this fucked up guy who considers Celia a useful tool for his goals, someone extremely amusing to fall into manipulation games with (overconfident girl who is completely out of her level and yet thinks she's winning, we stan), and a bloodbank to snack on, with the potential of funny feelings to sprout between the two which wont matter bc they're in for the grind and have no emotional inteligence. Then something happens w Celia making a move on Soma anyways and pretty much ruining Arikado's previous plans, Soma, Yoko n Julius get involved and welp. Neutral ending gives them the chance to continue being assholes, Worst ending has her mauled by Somacula and Best ending has her crucified (Like a certain someone important to Arikado ya kno ), both in front of him :) (and shoutout to @viralvava for being the smartest person alive ;D)

So yea two funny ships to be normal abt

[sithisreadingcorner]

Hi. I think you hit the nail on the head. I struggle with depression almost my whole life, so everything you said is true. I do feel like life is passing me by a lot of the times. It made me tear up a little when you said that the bad things that happend were not my fault, cuz you know, no one ever tells me that and it was somehow easy to convince myself that i deserve all that crap. I have some bad habits regarding my self-esteen and giving up easily or wallowing in my own misery are some of them. I just sometimes wonder why is it so simple to attach yourself to your pain..I wish i could just leave these feelings behind, but yeah..sadly it doesn't work like that. I still have a lot of healing to do. Thank you so much again and for the birthday wishes too. The reading was very helpful and I really appreciate your help. Take care!

Thank you so much for the feedback! 🙏 It was so heartbreaking to read that after all this time I was the first one to tell you that you didnt deserve it. 😔💔But it's true, you didn't deserve any of that and I know this is hard to find the sense in, but you can still tell yourself that you deserve better. You seem like you have a lot of insight and that is the first step on the right path. That worth that you put into your pain, you can also take and put into something else. There is still quite a bit of journey ahead of you but I believe in you and that you will find a better way for yourself. 💗

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

Let's Rank the Animaniacs segments!

The order won't surprise you too much if you've followed me for a while or have seen a few of my Animaniacs-related posts (although my opinions on some segments have changed), but I figured it would be fun to rank them anyway (plus it relates to something I wanted to say regarding the characters, but I'll save that for the end). Sub series like Wheel of Morality and Dot's Poetry Corner don't count.

Segments I actively dislike

Worst - Katie Ka-Boom

"lol teenage girls amiright?" No. Shut up. This isn't funny. Her catchphrase is dumb (“I’m not overreacting, I’m a teenager!”) and honestly her parents suck too (“Teenagers should be locked away until they’re 30.”) This is easily the most mean-spirited segment on the show, it reeks of bitterness.

The Hip Hippos

The fat jokes suck and both hippos are boring characters with no real goal or motivation; but they are a genuinely wholesome couple and the idea of out of touch high class people being the stars of a segment is at the very least a good idea, they just botched the execution.

Chicken Boo

The Chicken Boo segments are an okay joke told too many times in the exact same way.

Buttons and Mindy

This segment is too mean spirited and is basically the same segment every time but I'm ranking them higher than Boo because Buttons and Mindy, as characters, are adorable and actually have personalities, unlike Boo (I'm aware Boo being like that is the point, but still).

Segments that are...OK

Mime Time

I think The Mime being such a bland character actually improves these bumpers. I don't feel too bad when he gets hurt because we barely know him and his bumpers are brief, so we don't see him suffer for too long. Although I do think the slapstick is kinda just...fine.

The Flame

These are little boring. I feel like the Warners do a better job with educational segments. These segments pretty much just exist to teach US history, but in a more tame yet in your face about how great they want kids to think America is way than when Warner segments would.

Randy Beaman Kid/Colin

It sure is...a bumper.

The Incredible Gnome in People's Mouths

This might be the weirdest premise of any Animaniacs segment, and that's saying a lot. It's alright.

Good Idea Bad Idea

Easily the best non-sub series bumper for sure...but it's still just a bumper.

Starbox and Cindy

This segment is kind of like Buttons and Mindy but since the protagonist is a bad person, his pain can actually be funny. It's also kind of like Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain if they didn't turn an iconic double act into an unremarkable trio. Hearing Cindy ramble about random stuff in the background is both cute and funny (I'll admit the Gnome probably should be higher because it's more of an original idea...but Cindy's adorable so I'm putting this higher lol).

Goodfeathers

I didn't like their first segment, but a lot of their later ones are OK, even though many over-rely on the whole "and then the Goodfeathers get hurt" bit. They're not much more than a (now dated) reference, and I think the writers realised this eventually because they clearly gave up on them at one point. They get no segments in season 3, only one in season 4, in season 5 they just get cameos and bumpers, and they show up really late compared to everyone else in Wakko's Wish. Pesto's the only standout character here to me, I don't really care for Squit or Bobby.

Minerva Mink

I like how she loves to wallow in self pity about how hard her life is yet is incredibly vain, manipulative and loves to be ruder than she needs to be. She's not a saint, but that's funny! I would've put her segments in the next tier if not for 1-the fact that she only has two segments so she never got to reach her full potential as a character and 2-the sheer amount of perv-pandering...which happens to be the reason why she only has two segments.

Segments I like!

Rita and Runt

Their segments can be hit or miss, but I think the bad ones aren't bad enough and the good ones are good enough to warrant them being this high. Rita and Runt are both likeable characters, their segments aren't the funniest but they have a lot of heart. Not gonna lie Rita's probably the best singer on the show.

Slappy Squirrel

She's basically what would happen if a Looney Tunes character ever actually grew to be old. She solves modern day problems with old school cartoon solutions, she's great!

Pinky and the Brain

In truth, if it weren't for their spin off series and the Animaniacs reboot these guys would probably be under Slappy. I've dedicated at least four long posts to these two I'm not going into further detail lol.

Best - Yakko, Wakko, and Dot

Chaotic good puppy children live out every kid's fantasy of fighting back against adults who mistreat them or others, what's not to like? I like that out of all the characters (aside from Slappy) they're the best homage to classic cartoons, between their designs and the fact that they often have entire segments that are homages to classic cartoons, like "The Girl with the Googily Goop", "The Warner's Vault" or "Yakko Amakko". Plus the Warners have one of the least formulaic segments on the show so that helps-great songs, cute sibling/family shenanigans, fun parodies, and just a whole bunch of zany chaos!

In all seriousness, the main reason I made this post is because a couple times I've seen people post/tweet something along the lines of "real Animaniacs fans like all/most segments" or "a true Animaniacs fan should like *blah blah blah* segments" and I just wanted to say...no.

If you only watch the show for the Warners, or just Slappy, or both Pinky and the Brain and Starbox and Cindy, or just Rita and Runt, Hip Hippos and Mime Time, or even literally only for Katie Kaboom, that's valid.

There's no quota for which segments you have to like. If you're a fan, you're a fan, no one else gets to decide that.

[twistmusings]

Happy holidays Mod Azul!! :) May I request Octavinelle and what they do after a fight with their s/o? Thank you and I hope ur having a wonderful break!

How does Octavinelle handle a fight with their s/o?

Note: I kind of also get into how they fight in general. Darker and less chipper than my normal writing so please proceed carefully!

CW: Angst, this operates on the assumption that it was a pretty serious fight, mentions of bad mental health and poor coping (Floyd), mentions of physical abuse (no abuse actually occurs, Floyd just scares himself with the thought in Floyd and Jade's parts), Jade Leech is toxic and manipulative (he ends up in every one of these warnings, no one is surprised), mentions of a breakup (but unconfirmed if it happens or not), they ALL suck at communicating.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is incredibly shaken up, but unlike when he was a child, he manages to hold himself together much better than he used to.

Azul is definitely the first one to walk away from the argument-- not everything he used to do is gone. He still has the tendency to go and hide even if it's in a less literal sense. He needs the time to lick his wounds and the the distance to think clearly.

The moment he is alone and he's fully confident that he won't be bothered, he absolutely breaks down. He ugly cries and wallows for at least ten to fifteen minutes, and then once that's out of his system he can actually start thinking about things clearly.

Azul, being the kind of person he is, always chooses his words exceedingly carefully. He has trained himself not to say things that someone can leverage against him. Regardless of the fact that it was an argument, he's doesn't say things he regrets. That means, unfortunately, any painful things that come out during said argument are his whole, honest thoughts.

He needs to be away from the situation to plan. Azul never approaches a situation with anything but utmost caution and consideration. He has probably thought through thousands of scenarios about how to approach them about the argument before he actually does it.

It can make him seem a little cold, honestly, because from their perspective, it must seem like he's very unaffected. That couldn't be further from the case, though, when he steps back he's trying to find a solution or compromise that will be considerate for both of them. That being said, it's not something he discusses with them before he proposes it, so it all depends on the partner whether that escalates their fight or not.

Floyd Leech

Floyd's emotions escalate quickly. The moment they start arguing, his filter drops entirely. He definitely falls a bit into the trap of tossing barbs he knows are low blows, and will regret it later.

Floyd would never do anything to hurt them, but at the same time, he's incredibly afraid that somewhere in him there's the capacity for it. He creates physical distance from them and does not want to be in touching-distance because he scares himself. If his emotions are a mystery to everyone else, they're about a thousand times more confusing to him and the thought that he can't predict himself is something that he worries about. Truthfully, Floyd doesn't give himself enough credit in this regard: he wouldn't ever hurt them intentionally, he doesn't have the capacity to hurt someone he cares about that much.

Floyd himself would admit to being a coward-- the moment he sees an opening to escape the conversation he's leaping at it, even if it ends up making things worse.

He spends the next several hours to several days sulking, just depending on the severity of the fight. He tends to just... avoid, rather than to confront his partner, so the chances of him coming to seek a resolution on his own are nearly zero. If anyone is going to intervene, it's either going to be his partner, his brother, or Azul on his behalf.

Self loathing. A lot of self loathing. He has a certain baseline for kinda hating himself normally, and it sometimes fluctuates one way or the other. After an argument, though? It's off the charts. He upsets himself with some of the things he knows he said to them which makes his mood worse which makes him continue to beat himself up. It's a self-sustaining cycle.

Jade Leech

Jade is probably the worst of the three. Arguing with Jade is pretty rare because he's usually pretty amicable and agreeable so long as things are going in a way that he can see being entertaining and beneficial to him. The moment that switch is flipped, though, Jade is outright brutal.

Where to begin, honestly. He's a nightmare. The moment the tension with his partner snaps and they start arguing with him, they've just secured a ticket to one hell of a guilt trip. Jade loves them, but with the way he knows how precisely which buttons to press to escalate the argument you wouldn't guess it.

Jade knows they aren't stupid, so while he says a lot, he leaves plenty unsaid that they can fill in the gaps of, and when they do it will more than likely make them feel terrible.

Where Azul and Floyd know when to back down, Jade does not. He will stick out the argument until one of two things happen: his partner walks out or he is asked/told to leave. And if they ask him to leave, he's going to make them feel terrible for it. He won't tell them where he's going or even text them after the fact-- it will be entirely up to them to find him first.

Jade really doesn't suffer with sitting in uncomfortable feelings the way that Azul and Floyd do. Sure, he loves them and it sucks to argue, but he's not nearly as uncomfortable in that tense environment as they are. It happened, what's done is done, and now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. It is what it is, and if that means that his partner breaks things off with him, he understands that's perfectly within their right. He truly wouldn't blame them.

An area where Jade and Floyd are sort of similar and sort of different in one area: they both avoid fights with their partners because they are afraid of hurting them. The big difference is, though, that while Floyd is afraid of hurting them physically, he would never actually be capable of doing it. Jade isn't afraid of hurting them physically, but is deeply aware he can and has hurt them emotionally because it was (at least partially) intentional. It's not a trait he's proud of and he will try to work on it in time, but that's not going to make the actions he does before any more excusable.

Jade kind of traps himself. After the dust has settled and he realizes what he's done, by that point he's pretty certain that he should give them the space they need to parse their emotions and figure out their feelings toward him. However, since he doesn't know how long that will take and he doesn't want to backslide and escalate the argument further accidentally by stepping in too soon, he ends up just waiting for them to come to him first. He also would need his partner, his brother, or Azul to intervene before he would address the situation.

[tenshinokorin]

Diluc’s Letters

because I’m insane, I hand-transcribed all of Diluc’s winery letters in his current outfit event. It was mostly to keep Kaeya’s letters, but I also got the ones from everyone else, which includes my guesses at the authors. (I’m still pretty new to GI having only been playing a couple of months, so there may be errors there.) This is mostly only for my own ficwriting records, but if you find it handy and wanted to do a nice back for me, please feel free to add me as a GI friend, since I don’t have any yet. ^^; My UID is 617026092.)

DILUC'S LETTERS

A letter with Rough Handwriting (Grand Master Varka) 

Diluc, 

Jean wrote to me lately with shocking news. If I don't miss my guess, she wrote to you too. Her sentiments are those of the Knights as a whole. Crepus was a good man, and I thought very well of him. It grieves me greatly to know that he met with such a fate. As for the defeat of the drake, the honors for that accomplishment should go to your father. I do not accept Eroch's theft of the credit for that deed, which was bought with your father's sacrifice. Stolen credit will not be accepted within the Knights of Favonius under any circumstances. I will not permit it. I have already given Jean the authority to punish Eroch with all necessary severity. The Knights will inform you of the results. I've heard that you've been taking some time off outdoors and may not be easy to reach, so there is no guarantee that my letter will reach you. As such, I'll stop here for now. If it does reach you, then I wish you good health and safety in your travels. Contact us if you need anything. I hope that falcon of yours will help put this letter in your hands. I mean, I don't write in person very often, you know? These may seem like pointless words to you right now, but remember: even the greatest of disasters must come to an end. Mondstadt waits for your return, and if you're willing, the Knights will always welcome you. (If you're not, forget I said anything, yeah?) 

A TIDILY WRITTEN LETTER (Alice) 

To the heir of the Ragnvindr Clan, 

I apologize for sending this letter without notice. You may not remember me, but we've met a few times. We've met near the square, when I sat at the table adjacent to yours at the Good Hunter, and I've seen you in your tavern... You were always busy with a great many things, especially back when you were much chattier than you are now. You spoke cheerfully and often with your brother and friends then. It's probably no surprise that you did not notice me then. But I've always had my eye on you, child. I recall with crystal clarity how my little Klee once made a complete mess of your vinyard while she was trying to catch crystalflies there... But you didn't get angry. In fact, you personally escorted Klee back and even gave her a few bottles of fresh grape juice. Now I think that might jog your memory, yes? Klee recently told me she "Hasn't seen that strange man with the red hair in aaages," so I decided to look into it out of curiosity. My deepest condolences regarding your father. In many of the stories I've been told, you are the model knight: proud, driven, a knight of noble character and lineage. But I know that you're gentler than you appear. If you weren't, you wouldn't have treated Klee the way you did. And since you helped my child out, I hope you won't mind if I treat you as if you were my own. Therefore, I sincerely hope that you will leave the dark place that you are presently in, and that you will not wallow in grief and remorse. Partings are most painful things, but they also encourage us to grow. A bird that has lost the roof over its head will fly further than others of its kind. Go out and see the world. That's the best course of action I can envision. Only by feeling, observing, and listening can your heart be healed. Parents all wish that they can accompany their children forever, and the skies seas, and stars bear witness to that oath. Everything that was your father now finds new life with you. That which you will experience in this world may have been things that your father experienced once upon a time. I hope that the wind will bring you all manner of wondrous things in your journeys to come. In any case, keep your chin up, young child. 

A LETTER WITH CLEAR HANDWRITING (winery dude)

Master, 

Master Kaeya took leave and stayed at Dawn Winery for a few days. In a rare turn of events, he decided to stay in his original bedroom. He would pace about the grounds when idle, and even asked Adelinde to make him his favorite dishes. Ah, it really does take me back. I shall be honest with you, but I was quite surprised to hear Master Kaeya say that he wanted to stay for a few days. We did not refuse him, however. We believe that even if you were here, you would not refuse him outright. Dawn Winery has always been a more quiet location, perhaps because all who stay here are rather peaceable people. The house is made by those who live in it, and Master Kaeya's uncommon arrival did end up livening the place up significantly. I hope that you are doing well in your travels abroad. Everyone here at the winery misses you. May you remain safe and in good health. 

A LETTER WITH ELEGANT HANDWRITING (Jean?) 

Dear Diluc, 

Welcome back to Mondstatdt, sir. It has been some time since the incident. We discovered that Eroch had betrayed us, and he has been punished severely. I hope that this news will put your mind at ease. In other news, our people have discovered that the Abyss Order has stepped up its activities between Wolvendom and Stone Gate lately. Also -- a mysterious individual that people are calling the "Darknight Hero" has suddenly started showing up out of nowhere all around Mondstadt City. He typically actis in the dead of night, and his intentions are currently unclear. Please stay safe, and notify the Knights as soon as possible should you see anything suspicious. We will send support immediately. Whether you are presently in our ranks or not, all faithful Knights will remember your contributions to the Knights of Favonius. May you remain in good health. 

A NEATLY WRITTEN LETTER (Albedo?) 

Dear Mr. Diluc, 

It is my pleasure to investigate the ley lines alongside you. As you know, my focus is on alchemy, so my knowledge of the ley lines remains quite shallow, and I fear that I will only be able to share what little understanding I have. According to many pre-existing documents, the ley lines can be seen as a medium for storing information. Under certain circumstances, they can record activities that occur in the area around them. All this information goes through a recording and storage process. After a certain period of time, they may be released once again by the ley lines. If I may be so bold as to make a guess, there should be a method to activate the ley lines. Those who grasp such methods can control the times at which ley line information is recorded and released. Judging from the runic symbols and some other clues, I surmise that there are particular members of the Abyss Order who may have a very small chance of being able to achieve this. If you believe that his requires further investigation, these entities may serve as your point of entry. I wrote a paper a few years ago in which I covered my brief foray inro questions concerning the flow of ley lines and other such topics. You will find a copy of this paper enclosed. I hope that it can help to clear up some of your doubts. 

A NEW LETTER (Informant?)

Dear Darknight Hero, the Knights of Favonius have stepped up the guard details throughout Mondstadt without making any major movements. The Abyss Order will not have noticed. I am scouting around Dragonspine. The monsters here are scattered and separated. Clearly, they haven't been assembled by the Abyss Order. There are no signs of enemy activity in the south of Mondstadt either. If you can confirm that the other locations are also free of monsters, we will be able to conclude that the Abyss Order has nothing to do with the recent ley line disorder. 

* * * 

KAEYA'S LETTERS

(A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting) 

I. 

To D: 

A storm is brewing within the Knights of Favonius. Varka's inner circle is preparing to investigate Eroch and his henchmen, and it's looking increasingly likely that Eroch is about to get unseated from that high horse of his. You might not be too pleased to see this letter of mine, but I mean to get this news to you as soon as possible. You don't have to reply. 

II.

To D: 

Even I was a little surprised to hear that you'd decided to leave on a trip. Jean wanted to write and try to dissuade you, but I advised her against it. As for Varka, I don't think he knows that about this. Otherwise, he'd have probably sat you down for a talk. If you'd like to leave, do it now. The less the people know, the less the goodbyes you'll have to say. Leave at night, too, so things won't be too saddening. Take care. 

III. 

To D: 

Some slightly bad news. Eroch won't be quite so difficult [should be 'easy'? Is this an error?] to bring down after all. The Grand Master's order to investigate has certainly dealt him a major blow, but I wouldn't call the problem "pulled up by the roots' yet. The matter's been handed over to Jean's jurisdiction. She'll take care of this, I believe. Eroch is an obstacle in her path, in any case. Just sit tight and wait for the good news. 

IV. 

To D: 

Recently, a group of businessmen returned to Mondstadt. Word is that the reason for their return is a downturn in business. According to my observations, their employees are regulars at Angel's Share. These people can also be found out in the more dangerous parts of the wilds around the city. Now, a few of them were a little careless and even dropped some pages of their notes on the ground. I took the liberty of returning these sheets to Angel's Share. You know, out the goodness of my heart. I think they might have something to do with you, seeing as how they were there. I also noticed that their notes were written in code. Information brokers, perhaps? Or some kind of secret organization? Whatever the case, it took quite a lot of effort to see those blurred words with only one eye, you know? Don't worry, I'll keep this a secret. 

V. 

To D:

I didn't try to hide it from you on purpose, you know. But I suppose you found out all the same, huh? I mean, not everyone who wears an eyepatch must be blind, right? Don't people also wear an eyepatch if they have a scar over their right eye? 

The long-awaited good news is finally here. Now, I'm going to bring a glass of wine when I go to watch Eroch pack his things and leave on his last day (good riddance, by the way). That should be fun, eh? I know you're not the type to do that sort of thing, but I am, so allow me. 

VI. 

To D: 

Oh my! No sooner did you get back than a mysterious character started popping up. I hear he's called the Darknight Hero. He has repeatedly fought off Treasure Hoarders and monsters in the Mondstadt area -- and he'd even attacked Abyss Order strongholds. So far, it seems like he's on Mondstadt's side, but the Knights of Favonius could never permit the existence of a vigilante. I get the feeling the two of you would get along nicely. Why don't you find an opportunity to get to know him and give him some sage advice? You know, just so he doesn't get caught by the Knights? 

VII. 

To D: 

Per standard procedure, the Knights of Favonius need to take a statement from all relevant parties. Recently, the Knights of Favonius have received reports from a number of eye-witnesses claiming to have seen the Darknight Hero in the vicinity of the Dawn Winery. The Grand Master has assigned the Cavalry Company to this mission. As such, I will be paying you a visit in three days. He seems to think our relationship can be improved if we are forced to talk in person. Don't worry, though. My lips are sealed. This will be nothing more than a formality. Anyway, three days' notice should be enough for you, I presume? 

VIII.

To D:

The appearance of the Darknight Hero has indeed brought the Knights of Favonius some valuable time during the Abyss Order's last attack. This helped Jean convince the Knights of Favonius to stop focusing on trying to stop him. This will decrease the limits on the Darknight Hero's actions, but this doesn't mean his situation will necessarily improve. Objects with too honed an edge tend to be damaged more easily. You, I'm sure, are aware of the great dangers that come with acting alone. That said, I would advise against such a course of action. 

IX. 

To D: 

I heard that the Dawn Winery did not suffer any damage. Likewise, the Knights of Favonius only sustained minor injuries, and will recover quickly. However, an employee of a local merchant has gone missing, and their last known location just so happens to align with the Abyss Order's area of activity. The Knights have dispatched people to go to the rescue. Do be aware that the Abyss Order has become more dangerous of late, even going so far as to organize multi-pronged offensives. Perhaps the Knights of Favonius and the Darknight Hero should team up. That might guarantee that things will go off without a hitch, hmm?

[bluemoonfantasiesiii]

All Letters from Hidden Strife + my observations on them

A Letter with Rough Handwriting (Varka)

“Diluc,

Jean wrote to me lately with shocking news. If I don’t miss my guess, she wrote to you, too. Her sentiments are those of the Knights as a whole. Crepus was a good man, and I thought very well of him. It grieves me greatly to know that he met with such a fate. As for the defeat of the drake, the honors for that accomplishment should go to your father. I do not accept Eroch’s theft of the credit for that deed, which was bought with your father’s sacrifice. Stolen credit will not be accepted within the Knights of Favonius under any circumstances. I will not permit it.

I have already given Jean the authority to punish Eroch with all necessary severity. The Knights will inform you of the results. I’ve heard that you’ve been taking some time off outdoors and may not be easy to reach, so there is no guarantee that my letter will reach you. As such, I’ll stop here for now. If it does reach you, then I wish you good health and safety in your travels. Contact us if you need anything. I hope that falcon of yours will help put this letter in your hands. I don’t write in person very often, you know? These may seem like pointless words to you right now, but remember: even the greatest of disasters must come to an end. Mondstadt waits for your return, and if you’re willing, the Knights will always welcome you. (If you’re not, forget I said anything, yeah?)”

Diluc’s Response

“Dear Master Varka,

You have my utmost thanks for your condolences and concern. My father would be pleased to have heard your compliments. I doubt that anything would have pleased him more than to have the acknowledgement of the Knight of Boreas. I am presently traveling, and by a stroke of fortune, your letter has indeed reached me safely. If nothing goes awry, I believe that I will not be joining the Knights of Favonius. However, I will not forget my previous experiences. I will commit everything the Knights taught me to heart. May this find you in good health.”

A Tidily Written Letter (Alice)

“To the heir of the Ragnvindr Clan,

I apologize for sending this letter without notice. You may not remember me, but we’ve met a few times. We’ve met near the square, when I sat at the table adjacent to yours at the Good Hunter, and I’ve seen you in your tavern… You were always busy with a great many things, especially back when you were much chattier than you are now. You spoke cheerfully and often with your brother and friends then. It’s probably no surprise that you did not notice me then. But I’ve always had my eye on you, child.

I recall with crystal clarity how my little Klee once made a complete mess of your vineyard while she was trying to catch Crystalflies there… But you didn’t get angry. In fact, you personally escorted Klee back and even gave her a few bottles of fresh grape juice. Now I think that might jog your memory, yes? Klee recently told me that she ‘hasn’t seen that strange man with the red hair in aaages,’ so I decided to look into it out of curiosity.

My deepest condolences regarding your father. In many of the stories I’ve been told, you are the model knight: proud, driven, a knight of noble character and lineage. But I know that you’re gentler than you appear. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have treated Klee the way you did. And since you helped my child out, I hope you won’t mind if I treat you as if you were my own. Therefore, I sincerely hope that you will leave the dark place that you are presently in, and that you will not wallow in grief and remorse. Partings are most painful things, but they also encourage us to grow. A bird that has lost the roof over its head will fly further than others of its kind.

Go out and see the world. That’s the best course of action I can envision. Only by feeling, observing, and listening can your heart be healed. Parents all wish that they can accompany their children forever, and the skies, seas, and stars bear witness to that oath. Everything that was your father now finds new life with you. That which you will experience in this world may have been the things that your father experienced once upon a time. I hope that the wind will bring you all manner of wondrous things in your journeys to come. In any case, keep your chin up, young child.”

Diluc’s Response

“Dear Ms. Alice,

I must admit that when I read the opening lines of this letter, I was not expecting it to have been written by you. It seems that I may have indeed failed to notice you despite your presence nearby. My apologies for that. Regarding Klee, I have heard that you are an extremely powerful witch, so I suspect that Klee would have been just fine even sans my presence. Even so, you sent me this letter, for which I am thankful. As you have said, traveling is my best option at present. I will go out and experience all that the world has to offer, just as you have suggested. My father’s will shall find continuation through me. Klee is welcome to stay at Dawn Winery as a guest during my absence. Adelinde will prepare sufficient snacks and grape juice for such occasions. And if you don’t mind, you are also welcome to drop by. I hope you and Klee stay in good health.”

GODDAMMIT ALICE DID YOU HAVE TO WRITE A FUCKING NOVEL?! Anyway, uh… I think Alice accidentally inspired Diluc to go to Snezhnaya. Oh sure, Alice, he’ll go see the world. And get himself banned from a whole-ass country for going on a Fatui murder spree. Also, does she just hear about people in Mond who recently lost their parents and go “Mine now”? First Albedo, now Diluc.

A Letter with Clear Handwriting (servant; exact identity unknown)

“Master,

Master Kaeya took leave and stayed at Dawn Winery for a few days. In a rare turn of events, he decided to stay in his original bedroom. He would pace about the grounds when idle, and even asked Adelinde to make him his favorite dishes. Ah, it really does take me back. I shall be honest with you, but I was quite surprised to hear Master Kaeya say he wanted to stay for a few days. We did not refuse him, however. We believe that even if you were here, you would not refuse him outright. Dawn Winery has always been a more quiet location, perhaps because all who stay here are rather peaceable people. The house is made by those who live in it, and Master Kaeya’s uncommon arrival did end up livening the place up significantly. I hope that you are doing well in your travels abroad. Everyone here at the winery misses you. May you remain safe and in good health.”

A Letter with Elegant Handwriting (Jean)

“Dear Diluc,

Welcome back to Mondstadt, Sir. It has been some time since the incident. We discovered that Eroch had betrayed us, and he has been punished severely. I hope that this news will put your mind at ease. In other news, our people have discovered that the Abyss Order has stepped up its activities between Wolvendom and Stone Gate lately. Also — a mysterious individual that people are calling the ‘Darknight Hero’ has suddenly started showing up out of nowhere all around Mondstadt City. He typically acts in the dead of night, and his intentions are currently unclear. Please stay safe, and notify the Knights as soon as possible should you see anything suspicious. We will send support immediately. Whether you are currently in our ranks or not, all faithful knights will remember your contributions to the Knights of Favonius. May you remain in good health.”

Diluc’s Response

“Dear Jean,

Thank you for your concern, Acting Grand Master. It is as you say. That incident should no longer weigh heavily on my mind. Punishing Eroch for his malfeasance was the right way to correct the Knights of Favonius’s past mistakes. This is an important step indeed for the Knights. As for my own personal safety, you need not concern yourself too much. The Knights of Favonius should focus their effort where it counts by looking after those who need it most. May you also remain in good health.”

A Neatly Written Letter (Albedo)

“Dear Mr. Diluc,

It is my pleasure to investigate the ley lines alongside you. As you know, my focus is on alchemy, so my knowledge of the ley lines remains quite shallow, and I fear that I will only be able to share what little understanding I have. According to many pre-existing documents, the ley lines can be seen as a medium for storing information. Under certain circumstances, they can record activities that occur in the area around them. All this information goes through a recording and storage process. After a certain period of time, they may be released once again by the ley lines.

If I may be so bold as to make a guess, there should be a method to activate the ley lines. Those who grasp such methods can control the times at which ley line information is recorded and released. Judging from the runic symbols and some other clues, I surmise that there are particular members of the Abyss Order who may have a very small chance of being able to achieve this. If you believe that this requires further investigation, these entities may serve as your point of entry. I wrote a paper a few years ago in which I covered my brief foray into questions concerning the flow of the ley lines and other such topics. You will find a copy of this paper enclosed. I hope that it can help clear up some of your doubts.”

Diluc’s Response

“Dear Albedo,

Thank you for the detailed explanation. I have read your paper and found it both enriching and easy to understand. It is a rare and well-written document indeed. I have written the relevant information down in hopes that it will be put to good use in the future. Guarding against danger is a very important skill. I will continue to keep watching over the Abyss Order, and use force against them where necessary.”

Albedo, honey, please stop downplaying your intelligence. I know Rhinedottir didn’t do your self-esteem any justice, but have a bit more confidence in yourself.

Informant (exact identity unknown)

“Dear Darknight Hero, the Knights of Favonius have stepped up the guard details throughout Mondstadt without making any major movements. The Abyss Order will not have noticed. I am scouting around Dragonspine. The monsters here are scattered and separated. Clearly, they haven’t been assembled by the Abyss Order. There are no signs of enemy activity in the south of Mondstadt either. If you can confirm that the other locations are also free of monsters, we will be able to conclude that the Abyss Order has nothing to do with the recent ley line disorder.”

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s KAEYA’S SECTION!

Letters with Beautiful Handwriting (Kaeya)

I

“To D:

A storm is brewing within the Knights of Favonius. Varka’s inner circle is preparing to investigate Eroch and his henchmen, and it’s looking increasingly likely that Eroch is about to get unseated from that high horse of his. You might not be pleased to see this letter of mine, but I mean to get this news to you as soon as possible. You don’t have to reply.”

II

“To D:

Even I was a little surprised to hear that you’d decided to leave on a trip. Jean wanted to write and try to dissuade you, but I advised her against it. As for Varka, I don’t think he knows that about this. Otherwise, he’d have probably sat you down for a talk. If you’d like to leave, do it now. The less people know, the less goodbyes you’ll have to say. Leave at night, too, so things won’t be too saddening. Take care.”

III

“To D:

Some slightly bad news. Eroch won’t be quite so difficult to bring down after all. The Grand Master’s orders to investigate has certainly dealt him a major blow, but I wouldn’t call the problem ‘pulled up by the roots’ yet. The matter’s been handed over to Jean’s jurisdiction. She’ll take care of this, I believe. Eroch is an obstacle in her path, in any case. Just sit tight and wait for the good news.”

IV

“To D:

Recently, a group of businessmen returned to Mondstadt. Word is that the reason for their return is a downturn in business. According to my observations, their employees are regulars at Angel’s Share. These people can also be found out in the more dangerous parts of the wilds around the city. Now, a few of them were a little careless and even dropped some pages of their notes on the ground. I took the liberty of returning these sheets to the Angel’s Share. You know, out of the goodness of my heart. I think they might have something to do with you, seeing as how they were there. I also noticed that their notes were written in code. Information brokers, perhaps? Or some kind of secret organization? Whatever the case, it took quite a lot of effort to see those blurred words with one eye, you know? Dont worry. I’ll keep this a secret.”

Diluc’s Response (To “K” I)

“To K:

Message received. Thank you. Also, I suggest that you stop mentioning your eyes in your letters. Don’t think I don’t know your right eye wasn’t blinded.”

V

“To D:

I didn’t try to hide it from you on purpose, you know. But I suppose you found out all the same, huh? I mean, not everyone who wears an eyepatch must be blind, right? Don’t people also wear an eyepatch if they have a scar over their right eye? The long-awaited good news is finally here. Now, I’m going to bring a glass of wine when I go to watch Eroch pack his things and leave on his last day (good riddance, by the way). That should be fun, eh? I know you’re not the type to do this sort of thing, but I am, so allow me.”

VI

“To D:

Oh my! No sooner did you get back than a mysterious character started popping up. I hear he’s called the Darknight Hero. He has repeatedly fought off Treasure Hoarders and monsters in the Mondstadt area — and he’s even attacked Abyss Order strongholds. So far, it seems li he’s on Mondstadt’s side, but the Knights of Favonius could never permit the existence of a vigilante. I get the feeling that the two of you would get along nicely. Why don’t you find an opportunity to get to know him and give him some sage advice? You know, just so he doesn’t get caught by the Knights?”

VII

“To D:

Per standard procedure, the Knights of Favonius needs to take a statement from all relevant parties. Recently, the Knights of Favonius have received reports from a number of eye-witnesses claiming to have seen the Darknight Hero in the vicinity of the Dawn Winery. The Grand Master has assigned the Cavalry Company to this mission. As such, I will be paying you a visit in three days. He seems to think that our relationship can be improved if we are forced to talk in person. Don’t worry, though. My lips are sealed. This will be nothing more than a formality. Anyway, three days’ notice should be enough for you, I presume?”

VIII

“To D:

The appearance of the Darknight Hero has indeed bought the Knights of Favonius some valuable time during the Abyss Order’s last attack. This helped Jean convince the Knights of Favonius to stop focusing on trying to stop him. This will decrease the limits on the Darknight Hero’s actions, but this doesn’t mean that his situation will necessarily improve. Objects with too honed an edge tend to be damaged more easily. You, I’m sure, are aware of the great dangers that come with acting alone. That said, I would advise against such a course of action.”

IX

“To D:

I heard that Dawn Winery did not suffer any damage. Likewise, the Knights of Favonius only sustained minor injuries, and will recover quickly. However, an employee of a local merchant has gone missing, and their last known location just so happens to align with the Abyss Order’s area of activity. The Knights have dispatched people to go to the rescue. Do be aware that the Abyss Order has become more dangerous as of late, even going so far as to organize multi-pronged offensives. Perhaps the Darknight Hero and the Knights of Favonius should team up. That might guarantee that things will go off without a hitch, hmm?”

Diluc’s Response (To “K” II)

“To K:

Thanks for the letter. Cooperating with the Knights has objective pros and cons like two sides of a coin. I’m sure you understand that better than I do. No need to worry about my safety. Self-preservation is easy. Striving towards my goal is hard. Take better care of yourself instead.”

This is probably the best display of just how similar yet different these two are. Kaeya is very wordy, and his natural playfulness bleeds heavily into his writing, whereas Diluc is curt and direct, but they’re both sending the same message: “I know what I’m doing. I’ll be fine. Worry about yourself more.” And honestly, I think that’s really sweet.

The Box on Top of the KoF HQ

Singed Paper

“Remember always that the Alberich Clan, who did not have royal blood, who stepped in as regents when the strength of the one-eyed king Irmin failed. Though we could not restore Khaenri’ah to life, we of the Alberich Clan should lead lives as those who blaze like fire, rather than those who wallow in the embers.”

KHAENRI’AH LORE!! *ahem* Okay, so the implication with this passage is that Kaeya’s birth father helped him write it when he was a child. And the Khaenri’ahn Prince Kaeya theory is now disproven. However, it seems like his family did hold power at some point as regents.

On the other side of this paper

“I saved this one memento from the fire ‘Father’ made while he wasn’t paying attention. This was in violation of our principles. Our clan’s affairs should never be recorded. For me, this sheet of paper cannot serve as any form of identification, and it will not give me passage anywhere. Now that I look at it, his handwriting was as grieving as a smoking ash pile. There is no way that I can write something like that, living in Mondstadt as I am.”

The implication here is that an older Kaeya added these notes after saving the paper from a fire accidentally started by his birth father and that even if Kaeya were to present this to a Khaenria’ahn, it wouldn’t grant him entry into whatever remains of the nation as it’s not valid proof that he himself is Khaenri’ahn.

Also interesting is the quotation marks around “Father” implying that Kaeya doesn’t actually consider his birth father his real father.

At this point, the dialogue box tells us that in the box where this paper was found, there’s also an old eyepatch and a sticker.

Sticker

“Ha! To think that all that play-acting as a one-eyed pirate would eventually end with one actual wounded eye. I have never blamed Diluc for that. I suppose I must have been asking for it, telling him the truth the day my adoptive father died without expecting conflict to emerge somehow. He seems to believe that I really was blinded, though that’s not the case. Well, I’ve already fooled him for a while, haven’t I? Might as well keep going.”

So this actually disproves the popular interpretation that Kaeya told Diluc the truth of his birth the night Crepus died because he wanted Diluc to kill him. The truth is, he genuinely didn’t think Diluc would react so violently. I think Kaeya coming clean about being Khaenria’ahn was his own trauma response to losing Crepus. While he may not have seen Crepus as his father, he still cared about him deeply.

Anyway, I’ve already put the two letters from Diluc in their appropriate spots in the Beautiful Handwriting section. After reading everything inside the box, we find some dull seashells inside a small bag, harkening back to the conch recording of Kaeya reminiscing with Diluc about how they used to collect seashells together in the first Archipelago event.

[milf-harrington]

theo my very cool and handsome mutual <3 for the prompt game how's about 9.1.9. ! thinkin of u and sending love ur way!!!

Tay, my beloved bastard mutual whom i love dearly, hello!! this is short and kinda sweet, i hope you enjoy <3 (also some of my planning got mixed up so im not actually entirely sure that this one is yours but im like,, 98% sure it is)

Camp!au + friends to lovers + “why are you awake so late?” + zukka

For the sake of this ficlet phones are allowed on camp

He missed Yue.

It was as simple as that.

It had been years since her funeral, so missing her wasn’t as painful anymore. It was a dull ache under his ribs, a bittersweet taste on the back of his tongue when he thought about what she was missing out on as the world moved on without her.

Tonight, as he stared up at the underside of the top bunk, listening to the soft breathing of his friends, on the senior camp they’d always talked about together, the pain of missing her was louder than it had been in awhile.

“Lets make a checklist!” Yue gasped, looking at Sokka with wide brown eyes and an excited smile.

“A checklist?”

“Yeah-” She flipped to a fresh page in her notebook and opened her pen. “- we’ll write down all the activities the year 12’s mentioned on their camp and then we can check them off when we go on it in a few years!”

He’d taken it with him, slipped into the pocket of his jeans, the paper old and worn and still carrying Yues faded but looping penmanship. She’d been so excited about their future camp, politely asking the year 12’s about their experience every year and jotting down any advice or fond hints they’d offered.

It felt so wrong to be there without her, to be experiencing the things she’d looked forward to and knowing he wouldn’t be able to see the look on her face.

He missed her, and he figured he was allowed to, being surrounded by everything she'd dreamed of: adventure, freedom, a story to tell.

It was a little jarring when his phone vibrated under his head, the sound muffled by his pillow but still sudden and loud. He pulled it out and threw the covers over his head to block out the light, squinting at the text on his screen.

FiReLoRd y r u awake so l8?

Surprised, Sokka peeked out from under his blanket, catching the concerned gaze of his now best friend from where he lay on a second bottom bunk about two meters away. Ducking back under the blanket, he unlocked his phone.

me can you type like a normal person??

FiReLoRd ur avoiding the question

me yue was supposed to be on this trip. i miss her.

When a response didn’t come within the expected time frame, Sokka peeked out of his blanket again and saw Zuko staring at his screen intently, before beginning to type something out. He had, like, every screen setting on his phone turned down to the lowest setting because of his migraine so the light was dim and soft and made his features hazy.

Sokka’s phone buzzed, and this time he didn’t bother hiding under his blanket - it was getting stuffy under there.

FiReLoRd i have spotify premium + headphones.

When he looked back to Zuko, he found that the other boy was lifting his blanket, nodding to the empty space beside him. Sokka didn’t even have to think.

Fitting two 18 year old boys on a thin bunk bed was about as hard as you’d expect, even with Sokka’s utter lack of regard for personal space, but they made it work, the two of them pressed so close together it was hard to tell who started where.

Because of this it took a lot of wriggling and muffled laughter before they managed to get a headphone each, Zuko holding his phone above both of their faces so they could decide on the playlist together.

Once soft music started playing, Zuko turned off his screen and tucked his phone under the pillow, making sure there was enough room for the headphone cord. They lay there, listening to music in the dark and existing together for long enough that Sokka finally felt some of the weight lift out of his chest, the guilt and gnawing yearning for a friend who wasn't there fading off to it's usual whisper.

Not wanting to disturb the atmosphere they'd created, Sokka kept his ‘thank you’ quiet and simple in the form of a short kiss to Zuko’s jaw.

It felt right to do, even more so when Zuko turned his head and leaned forward a smidge to kiss him on the mouth in return, the movement soft and chaste. A second weight Sokka hadn’t even begun to notice evaporated into nothing, soothed by the warm press of Zuko’s body against his and the smell of the travel-sized shampoo Sokka had forced him to pack.

He missed Yue, and he knew he always would.

But he also knew she'd kick him if he spent their whole year 12 camp wallowing instead of experiencing it.

[idreamofblueming]

Hidden Strife Event: Dawn Winery Letters

A Letter With Rough Handwriting:

Diluc,

Jean wrote to me lately with shocking news. If I don't miss my guess, she wrote to you too. Her sentiments are those of the Knights as a whole

Crepus was a good man, and I thought very well of him. It grieves me greatly to know that he met with such a fate.

As for the defeat of the drake, the honors for that accomplishment should go to your father. I do not accept Eroch's theft of the credit for that deed, which was bought with your father's sacrifice.

Stolen credit will not be accepted within the Knights of Favonius under any circumstances. I will not permit it.

I have already given Jean the authority to punish Eroch with all necessary severity. The Knights will inform you of the results.

I've heard that you've been taking some time off outdoors and may not be easy to reach, so there is no guarantee that my letter will reach you. As such, I'll stop here for now.

If this does reach you, then I wish you good health and safety in your travels. Contact us if you need anything.

I hope that falcon of yours will help put this letter in your hands. I mean, I don't write in person very often, you know?

These may seem like pointless words to you right now, but remember: even the greatest of disasters must come to an end.

Mondstadt waits for your return, and if you're willing, the Knights will always welcome you. (If you're not, forget I said anything, yeah?)

-

A Tidily Written Letter:

To the heir of the Ragnvindr Clan,

I apologize for sending this letter without notice. You may not remember me, but we've met a few times.

We've met near the square, when I sat at the table adjacent to yours at the Good Hunter, and I've seen you in your tavern...

You were always busy with a great many things, especially back when you were much chattier than you are now. You spoke cheerfully and often with your brother and friends then.

It's probably no surprise that you did not notice me then. But I've always had my eye on you, child.

I recall with crystal clarity how my little Klee once made a complete mess of your vineyard while she was trying to catch Crystalflies there...

But you didn't get angry. In fact, you personally escorted Klee back and even gave her a few bottles of fresh grape juice.

Now I think that might jog your memory, yes?

Klee recently told me that she "hasn't seen that strange man with the red hair in aaages," so I decided to look into it out of curiosity.

My deepest condolences regarding your father.

In many of the stories I've been told, you are the model knight: proud, driven, a knight of noble character and lineage.

But I know that you're gentler than you appear. If you weren't, you wouldn't have treated Klee the way you did.

And since you helped my child out, I hope you won't mind if I treat you as if you were my own.

Therefore, I sincerely hope that you will leave the dark place that you are presently in, and that you will not wallow in grief and remorse.

Partings are most painful things, but they also encourage us to grow. A bird that has lost the roof over its head will fly further than others of its kind.

Go out and see the world. That's the best course of action I can envision. Only by feeling, observing, and listening can your heart be healed.

Parents all wish that they can accompany their children forever, and the skies, seas, and stars bear witness to that oath.

Everything that was your father now finds new life with you. That which you will experience in this world may have been things that your father experienced once upon a time.

I hope that the wind will bring you all manner of wondrous things in your journeys to come.

In any case, keep your chin up, young child.

-

A Letter with Clear Handwriting:

Master,

Master Kaeya took leave and stayed at Dawn Winery for a few days.

In a rare turn of events he decided to stay in his original bedroom. He would pace about the grounds when idle, and even asked Adelinde to make him his favorite dishes.

Ah, it really does take me back.

I shall be honest with you, but I was quite surprised to hear Master Kaeya say that he wanted to stay for a few days.

We did not refuse him, however. We believe that even if you were here, you would not refuse him outright.

Dawn Winery has always been a more quiet location, perhaps because all who stay here are rather peaceable people

The house is made by those who live in it, and Master Kaeya's uncommon arrival did end up livening the place up significantly

I hope that you are doing well in your travels abroad. Everyone here at the winery misses you.

May you remain safe and in good health.

-

A Letter with Elegant Handwriting:

Dear Diluc,

Welcome back to Mondstadt, Sir.

It has been some time since the incident. We discovered that Eroch had betrayed us, and he has been punished severely.

I hope that this news will put your mind at ease.

In other news, our people have discovered that the Abyss Order has stepped up its activities between Wolvendom and Stone Gate lately.

Also -- a mysterious individual that people are calling the "Darknight Hero" has suddenly started showing up out of nowhere all around Mondstadt City. He typically acts in the dead of night, and his intentions are currently unclear.

Please stay safe, and notify the Knights as soon as possible should you see anything suspicious. We will send support immediately.

Whether you are presently in our ranks or not, all faithful knights will remember your contributions to the Knights of Favonius.

May you remain in great health.

-

A Neatly Written Letter:

Dear Mr. Diluc,

It is my pleasure to investigate the ley lines alongside you.

As you know, my focus is on alchemy, so my knowledge of the ley lines remains quite shallow, and I fear that I will only be able to share what little understanding I have.

According to many pre-existing documents, the ley lines can be seen as a medium for storing information. Under certain circumstances, they can record activities that occur in the area around them.

All this information goes through a recording and storage process. After a certain period of time, they may be released once again by the ley lines

If I may be so bold as to make a guess, there should be a method to activate the ley lines. Those who grasp such methods can control the times at which ley line information is recorded and released.

Judging from the runic symbols and some other clues, I surmise that there are particular members of the Abyss Order who may have a very small chance of being able to achieve this.

If you believe that this requires further investigation, these entities may serve as your point of entry.

I wrote a paper a few years ago in which I covered my brief foray into questions concerning the flow of ley lines and other topics. You will find a copy of this paper enclosed.

I hope that it can help to clear up some of your doubts

-

A New Letter:

Dear Darknight Hero, the Knights of Favonius have stepped up the guard details throughout Mondstadt without making major movements. The Abyss Order will not have noticed.

I am scouting around Dragonspine. The monsters here are scattered and separated. Clearly, they haven't been assembled by the Abyss Order.

There are no signs of enemy activity in the south of Mondstadt either.

If you can confirm that the other locations are also free of monsters, we will be able to conclude that the Abyss Order has nothing to do with the recent ley line disorder

-

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (I)

To D:

A storm is brewing within the Knights of Favonius. Varka's inner circle is preparing to investigate Eroch and his henchmen, and it's looking increasingly likely that Eroch is about to get unseated from that high horse of his.

You might not be too pleased to see this letter of mine, but I mean to get this news to you as soon as possible

You don't have to reply.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (II)

To D:

Even I was a little surprised to hear that you'd decided to leave on a trip.

Jean wanted to write and try to dissuade you, but I advised her against it.

As for Varka, I don't think he knows about this. Otherwise, he'd have probably sat you down for a talk.

If you'd like to leave, do it now. The less the people know, the less the goodbyes you'll have to say. Leave at night, too, so things won't be too saddening.

Take care.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (III)

To D:

Some slightly bad news. Eroch won't be quite so difficult to bring down after all.

The Grand Master's order to investigate has certainly dealt him a major blow, but I wouldn't call the problem "pulled up by the roots" yet.

The matter's been handed over to Jean's jurisdiction. She'll take care of this, I believe. Eroch is an obstacle in her path, in any case.

Just sit tight and wait for the good news.

-

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (IV)

To D:

Recently, a group of businessmen returned to Mondstadt. Word is that the reason for their return is a downturn in business.

According to my observations, their employees are regulars at Angel's Share. These people can also be found out in the more dangerous parts of the wilds around the city.

Now, a few of them were a little careless and even dropped some pages of their notes on the ground. I took the liberty of returning these sheets to the Angel's Share. You know, out of the goodness of my heart.

I think they might have something to do with you, seeing as how they were there. I also noticed that their notes were written in code. Information brokers, perhaps? Or some kind of secret organization?

Whatever the case, it took quite a lot of effort to see those blurred words with only one eye, you know? Don't worry, I'll keep this a secret.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (V)

To D:

I didn't try to hide it from you on purpose, you know. But I suppose you found out all the same, huh?

I mean, not everyone who wears an eyepatch must be blind, right? Don't people also wear an eyepatch if they have a scar over their right eye?

The long-awaited good news is finally here.

Now, I'm going to bring a glass of wine when I go to watch Eroch pack his things and leave on his last day (good riddance, by the way). That should be fun, eh?

I know you're not the type to do that sort of thing, but I am, so allow me.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VI)

To D:

Oh, my! No sooner did you get back than a mysterious character started popping up.

I hear he's called the Darknight Hero. He has repeatedly fought off Treasure Hoarders and monsters in the Mondstadt Area -- and he's even attacked Abyss Order strongholds.

So far, it seems like he is on Mondstadt's side, but the Knights of Favonius could never permit the existence of a vigilante.

I get the feeling that the two of you would get along nicely. Why don't you find an opportunity to get to know him and give him some sage advice? You know, just so he doesn't get caught by the Knights?

-

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VII)

To D:

Per standard procedure, the Knights of Favonius needs to take a statement from all relevant parties.

Recently, the Knights of Favonius have received reports from a number of eye-witnesses claiming to have seen the Darknight Hero in the vicinity of the Dawn Winery.

The Grand Master has assigned the Cavalry Company to this mission. As such, I will be paying you a visit in three days.

He seems to think that our relationship can be improved if we are forced to talk in person.

Don't worry, though. My lips are sealed. This will be nothing more than a formality. Anyway, three days' notice should be enough for you, I presume?

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (VIII)

To D:

The appearance of the Darknight Hero has indeed bought the Knights of Favonius some valuable time during the Abyss Order's last attack.

This helped Jean convince the Knights of Favonius to stop focusing on trying to stop him.

This will decrease the limits on the Darknight Hero's actions, but this doesn't necessarily mean that his situation will necessarily improve.

Objects with too honed an edge tend to be damaged more easily. You, I'm sure, are aware of the great dangers that come with acting alone.

That said, I would advise against such a course of action.

A Letter in Beautiful Handwriting (IX)

To D:

I heard that the Dawn Winery did not suffer any damage. Likewise the Knights of Favonius only sustained minor injuries, and will recover quickly.

However, an employee of a local merchant has gone missing, and their last known location just so happens to align with the Abyss Order's area of activity

The Knights have dispatched people to go to the rescue.

Do be aware that the Abyss Order has become more dangerous as of late, even going so far as to organize multi-pronged offensives.

Perhaps the Darknight Hero and the Knights of Favonius should team up. That might guarantee that things will go off without a hitch, hmm?

[bookstantrash]

A/N: Huge shoutout to the lovely @perseusannabeth​ who obsess over Pride & Prejudice as much as me. After very politely threatening asking  me to write more of Nessian as P&P (I’m so glad Sarah made it canon that Nessian’s relationship is Darcy and Lizzie’s) she told me about THE lake scene in the BBC version. I watched all six episodes and fell in love, so I highly suggest you all watch it too.

Also, huge shoutout to @firebirdofscythia​ (I stole your Azriel line lmao) and the rest of the gc for being so supportive!! Enjoy

Pemberley’s Lake

Cassian was so tired it was a wonder he had not fallen from his horse, which made him realise that Azriel may have been partially right in telling him to take a break and go back to his state to rest.

Although he suspected that Azriel kicking him out of his office and practically throwing him in a carriage to Pemberley had more to do with the fact that Azriel had gotten sick of his mopey mood more than anything else.

“I shall never show my face in society again” Cassian had told a bored looking Azriel one afternoon, laying on his office’s floor as if it was the end of the world “I shall work until my eyes grow tired and my beard and hair are so long they reach the ground.”

“Stop with the theatrics brother. It is not becoming of you.” Azriel had answered as he shuffled a deck of cards.

“Theatrics!! Azriel for Cauldron’ sake I have no idea how I can keep on living after that refusal” he sighed from his place on the carpeted floor “There is not another woman alive who could hold my heart. It's lost forever. And now I shall live in regret and shame of not being enough for her.”

Azriel rolled his eyes so hard at his brother’s words it was a wonder they did not stay permanently like that.

“I shall grow old and drown my sorrows in the finest beers and wines, turning fat and bald. And after I have passed, my cursed ghost shall roam our country crying in despair over my terrible life”

That had been enough to make Azriel pack Cassian’s belongings and get his brother the fastest horse available.

“If it were not for the laws of this land” Azriel had mumbled after he had bid his brother farewell, wishing a good trip and forbidding him to appear in his office again until he had fixed that mood of his.

Breathing in the clear and fresh air of his home, Cassian was able to momentarily forget his troubled heart. But one look at the blue sky and he was reminded of the gray-blue eyes belonging to the lady who had made him, General Commander of the British Army, who had enough condecorations to fill his whole coat and who had made enemies tremble in fear when faced against him, wallow in self pity and misery.

Lady Nesta Archeron.

Her name alone was enough to make his chest tighten in longing.

Feyre’s oldest and most notorious sister, if not by her breathtaking beauty and intellect but by her ruthless and dismissive regard to the oposite sex. Whereas Feyre had surprised society by marrying before her older sisters  — and securing herself the best of matches of the season at that with his brother Rhysand, which was nothing but a Duke  — and Elain had enough suitors to fill a ballroom, the oldest Archeron did not seem inclined to marry at all. Oh she did catch the eyes of more than one gentleman  —  Cassian could vaguely reckon that she had had a long courting with Sir Thomas Mandray, although it had ended rather abruptly — but no one had been able to snare her heart.

That had been what had initially peaked his interest. He had briefly seen her at Rhysand’s wedding, attempting some small talk that was easily and diplomatically dismissed by her. He had then relentlessly engaged in conversation with her in any opportunity he could find, being it from the few occasions in which she frequented Feyre’ small reunions over tea or when he coincidentally met her during her daily walks around town to visit Lady Emerie, a modice whose popularity was raising tremendously after Feyre’s bridal trousseau and wedding dress were all designed by her.

It was not until Feyre’s first official gathering as Duchess that Cassian realised the depths of his feelings for the sharp eyed lady.

He had been watching the ballroom from the sidelines, trying to escape the mob of scary mamas who wanted to throw their daughters at him, a glass of champagne in his hand.

Rhysand and Feyre had already danced the opening song, so the floor was now free to hold more partners. Both Cassian and Azriel had danced once with Morrigan — Rhysand’s cousin and a dear friend of theirs — and Elain had enough names on her card that they’d have to wait a fortnight to dance with her. Nesta on the other hand…. she had refused all invitations, although one could not help but wonder why by the way she seemed to glow whenever a new song was played.

“Lady Archeron” Cassian had greeted, bowing deeply and throwing at her his best smile, one that usually had young ladies fainting and old ones blushing.

But not Nesta Archeron. No, she had only deigned to make a polite bow and look ahead.

“I could not help but take notice of how entranced by the music you appear to be, my Lady” he had offered her his hand “Would you do me the honour of allowing one dance?”

That had caught Nesta’s attention, and she turned towards him, her gray-blue eyes finally meeting his hazel ones.

“I do not think why I should. I am perfectly satisfied to watch from the sidelines” she raised a perfect manicured eyebrow, glancing in the corner where the mamas and their daughters were “I am sure many other young ladies would rather have my place”

Cassian knew she was lying. Knew she desperately wanted to dance, but something was holding her back.

“It is said that dancing is the best way to encourage affection. Even if one’s partner is barely tolerable” he had nonchalantly said

“I beg your pardon” Nesta had exclaimed

“The lady has nothing to fear. I will not let you suffer ridicule because of your poor dancing” he had said in a patronizing tone, if only to see that fire in her eyes ignite.

And to see her accepting his offer with a murderous intent.

They had moved to the center of the ballroom, shocked faces all around them, both from the fact that Nesta was joining the dance floor and her partner being him of all gentlemen.

Cassian had never been proved more wrong once the first string from the violin was drawn and Nesta moved. He had been sure she knew how to dance, had only said those words to get a rise from her. But to see Nesta Archeron actually dancing… it was something straight out of a dream.

Cassian knew the waltz. His mother had insisted that all three sons have the same education, even though only Rhysand was set to inherit the duchy.

However, when paired with Nesta Archeron one could not be called nothing but a simple object to display her talents. Even the most notorious dancer would pale in comparison to her.

And Cauldron, she knew that. Nesta knew she was Terpsikhore, greek Muse of music, song and dance.

What a fool he had been, what a complete and utter fool he had made of himself. His only consolation was that some good had come out of his childish behaviour.

Nesta Archeron was dancing, and when she danced she threatened to bring empires to their knees, for her beauty got inhumanly enhanced, her delighted smile sending an arrow straight to his chest.

Cassian realised he had fallen hopelessly in love with Nesta Archeron. If he was to be true with himself, he had been for quite some time, since their first exchange of words when she had all but dismissed him as a pesky bug.

And as the last note was drawn, as the whole ballroom breathlessly took in Nesta, in complete awe of her, Cassian decided he was going to marry her.

Was going to propose to Nesta Archeron right at that moment.

Using the excuse of getting some fresh air after the tiring dance, he walked them to Rhysand’s extensive and well lit garden, quiet enough that they would not be interrupted but not so isolated as to risk her reputation.

They had walked only a few minutes in the garden when Cassian declared his feelings. He all but tripped with his words, hoping Nesta could see past his fool’s act.

She had not.

She had refused his hand in the most brutal way, her words so articulately poisoned that Cassian felt himself a young boy again, desperately trying to achieve perfection so his father would dare to spare him more than a passing glance. Would not regret having adopted him into his household and given him a home.

He had uttered an apology, saying how sorry he was that his feelings had caused her such pain and disgust, reigning his temper enough to walk her back to the ballroom.

Cassian left town the same night, and had stayed in his office and headquarters training the new milicia since then, burying himself with work until Azriel grew tired of his awful mood.

Sighing, Cassian brushed his horse’s neck, eyeing the lake.

Maybe a dive in the cold waters of Pemperley would help clear his mind.

~•~

Pemberley was, in Nesta’s opinion, the most beautiful state she had ever seen. Even more than her newly married sister’s dukedom.

“However this house’s lady is, she sure is happy��� Emerie commented as the head maid showed them to the music room.

“As if someone could be unhappy with this much money” Gwyn whispered back, eyeing the grand piano.

Nesta was inclined to agree, even more after having seen the library. She could not help but envy the lady. Her husband must be a very cultured gentleman.

“May I show you the external grounds? I am sure the gentleman will find it quite delightful” the head maid said, looking at Balthazar, the only men among their group of four.

“I am most grateful for your hospitality” he answered, and they promptly moved outdoors.

Their party of four had been travelling through the countryside for almost two weeks. It was as much as a vacation for Emerie and Balthazar — with Emerie’s shop the season’s current sensation and Balthazar being her current business partner  — as a time out from the ton, which Gwyn — the most required opera singer of the season — had announced to be in desperately need of a vacation from.

As for Nesta, she had always wanted to travel, but as a single woman of marriageable age without a male relative to escort her, it would have been a nearly impossible feat to accomplish.

When Balthazar had offered to escort both her and her friends Nesta had wanted to shout in delight.

Secretly, she also wished to avoid a certain gentleman, one whose heart she had mercilessly and regretfully broken.

Nesta shook her head as she walked through the garden, distancing herself from her party to think and remember.

Remember how she had enjoyed dancing with Lord Cassian.

How her body had sung and heated where his skin touched hers.

How she had found herself smiling and agreeing to take a stroll with him, using the excuse of feeling overwhelmed in the crowded ballroom.

How his smile had faded once she tore at him, throwing every hateful word his way to refuse his proposal.

Nesta had not seen Cassian since her sister’s ball, but she did not want to risk an encounter.

That trip could not have been more well timed.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not notice her hair getting caught in a low tree branch, ruining her intricate updo.

“No one is around” she muttered to herself as she took off the pins holding it in place “A few minutes with my hair down will not hurt”

So Nesta took each pin off, massaging her scalp as she walked in the direction of the state’s lake, the sun shining over its  clear waters.

And that is when she spotted him.

Cassian.

Cassian was at the lake.

Cassian was shirtless, dripping wet by the lake’ shore.

Nesta knew she should turn around and forget what she was currently seeing.

But she could not take her eyes off of him.

Seeing a shirtless man in person was indeed a far cry from what her imagination conjured when reading romance novels.

Especially the way the water was running down Cassian’s tanned and hard torso, all the way down his pecs and stomach — was that a six pack or were her eyes playing tricks on her? — until it collided with his pants, which were hanging so low on his hips that Nesta could not help but feel a weird sensation low in her stomach.

Her legs stopped obeying her, and she swore her knees got weak when Cassian noticed he had company.

“Lady Archeron?” he exclaimed, as if he could not believe his eyes.

“Sir!” was all she could say, feeling her cheeks warming.

Cauldron what was wrong with her? It was just a body. A very nice, very wet muscled body and—

“What may you be doing here?” Nesta quickly inquired, cutting her errand thoughts.

“I am the owner” he simply answered

“Of the lake?”

She wanted to smack herself. How could have she blurted such a stupid and rude question?

“Yes, of the lake. And of Pemberley” he answered, amusement lacing his words.

“I didn’t know. The head maid said all the family was not home— we should not have presumed—”

“I returned without prior notice”

“Excuse me, are you and your sisters in good health?” Cassian added, and Nesta dared to think that he sounded a bit nervous.

“Yes. Yes they are. Thank you, sir” she managed to answer, her eyes firmly placed upon his face and not anywhere else.

“I am glad to hear that” he licked his lips and Nesta could not help but wonder if they would be cold due to the lake’s water or if Cassian’s unbothered face meant he was not cold at all.

Was she really inquiring of how his lips would feel against hers? Against her skin? If kissing Cassian would feel as dreamily as her novel's kiss appeared to be?

Nesta hated him.

Did she not?

“I had never seen you with your hair down”

Cassian’s words took her out of her reverie, and Nesta suddenly felt self conscious.

“Do excuse me for showing myself in front of you with such an unsightly appearance” she felt mortified. To have Cassian of all people seeing her like that, hair in complete disarray….

Nesta quickly turned around, fumbling with the hair pins in a vain and desperately attempt of redoing her hair.

“It’s beautiful” she heard Cassian saying in a breathless voice, and thanked the Cauldron her back was turned so he would not see how her face warmed considerably, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Let me help you” he quietly added, and she gasped at the proximity of wet, shirtless Cassian, who touched her hair softly.

“How come a gentleman such as you knows how to hairstyle a lady’s hair?” Nesta asked, feeling his warmth on her back, a tingly sensation between her legs when his fingers brushed her neck.

“I frequently helped my younger sister, Georgiana, fix her own hair in the occasions she played a little too far from what would be deemed proper for a young lady” she felt his hot breath against her neck as Cassian laughed “She favours outdoors activities such as horseback riding, although she’s quite accomplished in arts and music.”

“Your sister sounds lovely” Nesta said, turning to face him once she felt he was done fixing her hair.

“She is my brothers’ and mine whole world. There’s nothing we would not do for Georgiana”

Nesta felt her heart warming at his words, at his devotion and love towards his family. She wondered if he would do the same with his wife.

If he would have acted the same way towards her had she accepted his proposal.

Unbeknown to her, Cassian was imagining the same thing.

He was picturing how he could have helped her every morning with her hair if she had agreed to marry him. Instead, he would have to live with this one memory forever.

He was lost in her eyes, their bodies so close they were sharing breaths and Cassian was holding back by a sliver thread of self control to not hold her against him.

If it were not for the appearance of three people — Cassian supposed them to be Nesta’s companions — he very well could have done that.

“Excuse me” Cassian abruptly said, bowing deeply and leaving Nesta alone.

Although soon her friends joined her, Gywn and Emerie bombarding her with questions seeing her ruffled state.

Their party was getting ready to depart when Cassian appeared again, having ran inside to get changed and appropriate.

“Lady Nesta!” he called before she could get inside the carriage “Please allow me to apologise for not receiving you properly just now. You are not leaving?”

“We were, sir. We have already imposed too much” she said, spine straight and looking every bit the regal queen she was.

What he did not know was that was her way of maintaining a cool exterior and not blush remembering his naked figure.

“You are not displeased with Pemberley, are you?” Cassian asked, anxiously brushing his hair back.

“No. Not at all”

“And you approve of it?”

“Very much” Nesta said softly, a dreamy smile on her face as she remembered the library “A few would not approve”

“But your good opinion is rarely bestowed and therefore more worth earning” he said, and his smile was enough to make Nesta’s heart skip a beat.

Why was she feeling in such a way, she wondered. Why did her body feel hot and strange all over whenever Cassian was involved?

“Thank you. That is very kind of you”

“I shall not hold you back any longer” he said, helping her in the carriage, his calloused hand a stark contrast against her soft one “I will call on you and I hope you can introduce me to your companions. Perhaps we may go fishing tomorrow? My property is blessed with an abundance of them”

“We would be delighted to. Thank you, sir’

After the farewells were bid and Nesta’s carriage was only a distant dot in the horizon, Cassian got inside, smiling broadly at his head maid and butler.

“You are very chipper, sir'' the old woman said with a knowing smile, the butler agreeing with her. Their lord had been mopey for quite some time now, so it brought joy to their hearts to see his mood so high.

“I had a very good evening Mrs.Pots” he declared, thinking about how he should swim more frequently in the lake.

A few miles from Pemberley, Nesta stared at the scenery lost in thought, Cassian’s touch lingering in her hand all the way back to the inn.

•

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[yuurivoice]

Forgive me for this, I haven’t sat down with a blank slate in a while, and I am in a place where I am compelled to write. So, here we go.

There will be times throughout life where you are confronted. By doubt, by fear, by the age old question of “What if?” and so on. Times where you will feel defeated, as if you’ve lost, as if you made one too many wrong moves. Throughout my own life I’ve confronted those feelings many times, and I don’t think I ever was okay with it. It never “gets better” in the sense that it suddenly doesn’t taste so bitter and disappointing.

What I’ve learned is that those moments need to leave a mark. Those moments matter, and they may matter even more than the times that things go right. I can very vividly remember nurturing my broken heart many years ago, so lost and ashamed and beaten. I hated that feeling, and I hated that my love had nowhere to go. That I had a heart so full, so ready to be poured out and accepted and cherished, but for whatever reason, I was not enough. 

But what if I had my way? What if winning was easy? What if every door flung open and the red carpet was rolled out for me and I had every wish granted? Am I just excusing the scars and assigning greater meaning to my own failures? Or could none of this have been possible without those lessons learned? Back then, I couldn’t have fathomed the amount of joy, love, and hope I now have in my life. Back then, my sights were set on what I thought was lofty, what I thought was grand.

Now I stand on ground I never thought within reach, with dreams I never dared to dream back then. Back then I swore that I would shine so brightly that I couldn’t be denied, that this love would find a home, that my heart wouldn’t be left adrift forever. Today, I am the lighthouse I aspired to be. My vision I had during the years I spent in that red room with cardboard walls and black blinds has come to fruition. The room I wept in, grew up in, bled in, was a place I thought I’d never escape. But I wanted more. I wasn’t sure how I’d get out of there, or how I’d grow past the pain and the defeated feeling in my soul.

But I did.

Recently, I’ve been confronted with feelings I haven’t felt in a long time. Bitterness, jealousy, and that old familiar feeling of defeat. Overly confident in the hand I was dealt, life checked me. I needed to be humbled, but also needed an opportunity to see how after all this time I could handle a weakness I’ve had my whole life. To see if I’ve actually grown. For a while there, I thought I hadn’t. I was pissed that I could even feel half of these feelings anymore. I wanted it purged. I wanted it gone. I never wanted to hurt like that again and it pissed me off that I was, in fact, touchable. That my heart is still tender, and vulnerable, and human.

The anger was hard to get past. Anger at myself. Anger at the universe. Anger at not being able to see every piece on the board at every moment of every day. How could I misstep? How could I get caught slipping by life? Not now, not when I’ve come so far, right? 

So angry. Constant overthinking. Constant analysis. Having been through what I’ve been through, I wanted to do everything I could to assess what the fuck was going on and fix it. But there’s no fixing some things. And some things don’t need fixing. 

As I come out of that negative headspace and begin to march onward, I was drawn to that thought of where I was back then. The last time I felt similar ways, when my heart was heavy and cold. Back then I had no clue what wonders were ahead of me, and the time I spent wallowing in that ache was time spent not moving towards that brighter tomorrow that would eventually become today.

It hurts. It hurts, and it should. Things should matter. Feelings and thoughts and words should carry weight. Not to be a burden, or a weight on your shoulders, but as lessons and reminders and fuel to push you past it all. There are things that can never be erased, but you have to make the choice in regards to how you use those things. It’s not easy, and sometimes it takes a whole lot of distance between you and that moment in time to really see what it has done for you.

This is a letter of hope for those who might need it, or a reminder for myself the next time I am lost. The world continues to turn, even when it stands still in our hearts. Even when we are shattered, there is a version of us ten steps ahead who stands unbroken, triumphant, basking in the victories yet to come. Trusting is hard, but if you can, believe in the one person you can count on. Believe in the one who you’ve fought for and alongside your whole life. Believe in yourself, that you are strong beyond compare, that you are a breath away from your path and a life greater than anything you can imagine. 

And if it’s all a lie, if there is only misery and pain ahead, then better to have had hope and a brave face, than to have rolled over and died. Unbroken, march on.