#but in concepting and writing whole being tangible is SO so much more capable of intriguing narrative

[disruptivevoib]

I am eternally thinking about how Whole is a concept of the fandom and not canonical at all.

Arguably, maybe someone would say the inclusion of Whole diminishes the original message of the album, to which I do not disagree but I do not agree either.

He changes the context of it, I suppose?

Because the original album, Whole is a concept to be strived for. He is not real, it is always just Heart, Mind, and Soul beneath the surface. They are manifested facilities of the way a person is, how they talk to themselves, the internal conversation. That "psychosocial envy" is the idea of the album. The effect that social standards have on someone who views themself as flawed beyond recognition without any idea how to fit into what the world wants of them.

Soul longs to be Whole because he longs to become what society deems is a person. All of what they are and what they want to be comes in many different forms. It could be any number of internalized ideals of what a man should be, or who you should love, or what you should strive for in life.

Two Wuv as a song is that realization that even after Mind and Heart are better, after they've been able to communicate and function "properly", there is no Whole coming. This is who they are, and that is fine. He is not perfect, he is not what society wants, but he IS a person, and to him, he is Whole.

It is a concept of self forgiveness and grace. The ability to have nuance that what society seeks of you is not so important as truth of the self, owning your flaws and seeming imperfections.

Ultimately, everyone's brain runs differently. Everyone talks to themselves differently, refers to and conceptualizes their inner-world in many ways, and none of it is definable. We have no capable way of putting the way somebody speaks to themself, refers to, and functions within themselves entirely into a box. We are a collection of lived experiences turning itself into informed reactions and responses. If that makes any sense at all.

Of course, the things we have put labels to are definable and are all a part of how we interact with ourself, and there are always commonalities and similarities. There is so much variety in it, being human is fluid...

Anyways.

Without Whole, the "end" of the album means they are in acceptance of one another, that there is a positive relationship with your inner dialogue for some time before something happens and causes a harsh reflection to shatter it all. With him, it is essentially the same, just that there is a more literal or tangible figure to represent that cohesive self-acceptance.

Whole being a tangible character doesn't change Soul, but as I said, informs him more. Whole and Soul are mirror images, they are had to separate and Soul is what Whole is without the interwoven Emotion and Thought.. I suppose. Soul strives for him, and without him, comes to accept this is how it is and who he is. With him, Soul may miss that aspect, or more so, get it only to discover Whole is real, and everything he did worked, but now he sacrifices himself for that.

The dynamic is interesting but incredibly devastating in that regard, especially because it is unlikely Whole's intention to ever split. Nobody wants to have a mental breakdown, y'know?

I could go on about this forever. Whole not being a real character (at least not in the way we often think of him) in the album but something very real and even achievable within the fandom space is.. I dunno, so unique? Its not often fans get to create something that while entirely uncanon to the project, is very important to it.

Side note, what I mean by not how we see him is that Whole is real because they have always been Whole. In album there is no separation. If anything, Concord is like leaving CJ's inner dialogue and witnessing just all of them in tandem being him.

Okay okay. I'm done.

[canadachildvol2]

Wish rewrite ✨ "At All Costs"

I'm currently picking away at some concept art for my rewrite and in doing so, I got to thinking about how the "At All Costs" sequence would play out. Listening to the demo version over and over again will also do that to you 😅 I don't have the time to fully storyboard it, so I did what I do best (aside from drawing), and that's write it out.

In the process, I tweaked some lyrics that honestly sounded really awkward and clunky. I'm not claiming that my changes are top tier-level songwriting because I'm definitely not a songwriter, I just wanted to fix them to the best of my abilities... or lack thereof. Lol

@signed-sapphire @annymation @chillwildwave (hope you guys don't mind me tagging you)

As mentioned in part 3 of the rewrite, this is what precedes the song:

"After walking through the woods, Asha and Star reach the shore. She confesses that she can’t believe all that they have achieved so far. “It’s like a dream,” she says. They look out at how the stars in the sky are beautifully reflected on the ocean. It’s here that they grasp with the inevitability of him leaving after they save Rosas. She has accepted it (“Let’s be realistic” as she often says). He hasn’t. It would mean leaving her. He thinks for a moment before standing her directly in front of him. His fingers touch her lips, then his, then he runs them along her ears leaving a trail of star dust. Before she can question what he did, she hears a deep, soft voice: “Asha.” It’s him! It’s Star! “You can…?” “Not for long.”"

Now, onto the song itself <3

If happiness was a tangible thing, It would be you. If you'd have told me the feeling you'd bring, I'd think it untrue. And people search for a wonder like you All of their lives.

Star starts off by simply standing in front of Asha as he sings. Soon, though, his feet start to wander around the shore. His movements are noticeably less energized than usual. More coordinated. More intimate. Asha is visibly flattered - lowkey bashful even - by his words.

During the last two lines, he casually steps off the shore and onto the water. Asha is startled by this before realizing he’s walking on the water. He’s looking at her the whole time; nothing else exists to him right now.

You still amaze me after all this time.

Star stands before Asha on the water. She remembers what he’s capable of (internally thinking “Of course he’s not gonna fall into the water, silly girl”) and laughs, also doing an affectionate eye roll.

A sweet detail: there he is, a magical celestial being walking on water, telling her, a human, that she’s the amazing one.

You pull me in like a gust of wind, Mesmerized by the hold I'm in.

A gentle breeze comes along, causing some stars emitting from the inside of Star’s cape to fly about. Asha relishes in the cool air with her eyes closed and a serene look on her face. Star truly is mesmerized by the sight of her.

Leave you here, I don't wanna. I wanna

Star holds his hand out to her (much like how he did at one point during the tavern party scene). Asha is apprehensive, worried about falling into the water, but she trusts him. She takes his hand.

Love you as one does I, I will protect you at all costs. Keep you safe here in my arms. I, I will protect you at all costs At all costs.

Star helps Asha onto the water. She clings to him, uncomfortable with not standing on solid ground, and he holds her reassuringly. He carefully starts to move them from the shore via a slow dance, doing all he can to keep her attention on him; distracting her from her uneasiness. As she looks at him, her worries melt away.

By the end of the chorus, they’re further out on the water and he shows her this by twirling her around so she can see. They’re on the ocean, the still water beautifully reflecting the stars and night sky above. It’s like their own private ballroom.

Had to crop out a lot in this screenshot, but this is essentially what it would look like... just ignore the boat 🙃

The sight takes Asha’s breath away. All she can say is…

"Wow."

Asha glances back at Star. He looks uncharacteristically shy, waiting with bated breath for her response. She tenderly smiles back at him.

(note: the pause between "Wow" and the start of Asha's verse is a tiny bit longer to let this moment sit before she starts singing)

No pain is felt within my soul When I look at you, I’m whole. And even if I tried, I'll never dream like I used to do. If someone tried to hurt you, I won't ever let that happen. I'd fight for you in ways you can't imagine.

This time, it's Asha's turn to sing and move around while Star stays in one spot and listens.

After standing in front of him during the first two lines, she tentatively takes a few steps, making sure she won't suddenly fall into the water. Once her concerns are placated, she begins to properly dance and move around while still holding his hand. She flashes an all-too-familiar stubborn look when she sings "I won't ever let that happen," which in turn makes him smile fondly.

Never have I felt this, I hope It would be all right to stay right here beside you.

Asha approaches him in almost a coy manner. She even reaches out to touch his face before pulling back and resting it on his shoulder instead. As if they're on the same page, while locking eyes with one another, their hands move to the standard 'ballroom dance' position. Hands together on one side, her other hand on his shoulder and his other hand on her back.

And love you as one does I, I will protect you at all costs. Keep you safe here in my arms. I, I will protect you at all costs At all costs.

The pair start to dance on the water as they both sing. It’s reminiscent of Aurora and Phillip’s dance in the forest. There’s a bit of playfulness in their actions, but still overall very romantic and intimate. Towards the end of the chorus, Star sprinkles star dust onto Asha’s dress.

If you're ever feeling like you're lost, I’ll come find you. Man all fronts, there's no ocean I won't swim across

Their dancing gradually becomes faster to match the song’s slight tempo increase. During “there's no ocean I won't swim across,” Asha leans down to touch the water and swings her arm up. With help from Star’s magic, a small wave is created and surrounds them with the reflected stars cascading around the pair. 

To be right by you.

Star sees there is so much light and joy in Asha’s eyes. She meets his gaze once more.

And not just once, here and now I swear on my response I'll remind you

Once the wave settles, their dancing feet begin to levitate into the air. (like this) On the last line, they lean in so that their faces are close together. Asha cups the sides of his face. Intimacy to the max! Lol

And love you as one does I, I will protect you at all costs.

The pair ascend higher into the sky. They’ve taken a break from dancing and are now flying upward. Asha leans back, arms extended and enjoying the sensation with Star’s hands on her waist. (think something like this or this) Afterwards, they resume their dancing. Now they’re waltzing in the air, surrounded by stars in the night sky.

Keep you safe here in my arms.

They hug, the intensity of their embrace and the look on their faces emphasizing the importance of their repeated “I will protect you” vow.

I, I will protect you at all costs At all costs.

They continue to dance in the air as they start their descent, this time holding each other closer than they did before. Eventually, they reach the same spot on the shore where the sequence started. Star lands on the ground first and gently guides Asha so that she lands safely. They do one last slow twirl.

Shortly after they stop singing, the star dust decorating Asha's dress disappears, as does the star dust along her ears. Neither notice this or even care all that much; they are too transfixed by each other’s gaze.

Excerpt from part 3 (again) to close this sequence out:

"They hesitantly lean in to kiss… until Star suddenly turns his head towards the city. He hears something. Rosas sounds like it’s in a frenzy."

Rewrite / Extra plot and character details / Asha & Star Character Tropes

[agoddamn]

I'd very much like to get you started on socioeconomic underpinnings kishimito won't. If that's cool with you

ALRIGHT. SO. I'm doing this on mobile so it's gonna be super messy, bear with me.

First of all, what shaped the real-life warring states era? A lot of things, but I'm going to focus on two: technology and social mobility.

Japan was introduced to the arquebus in 1543. Guns completely and totally changed the face of war; no longer did you need a warrior with years of training and conditioning to win a battle. Guns were a massive equalizer. 

(This has happened to a lesser degree with other weapons throughout history–polearm and longbow, frex. Having effective, accessible weapons hugely upsets the previous balance of power. The gun, though, easily had the most revolutionary effect.)

So the previous armies became less useful, and technology--or, more specifically, the ability to kill people from either a greater distance or with greater ease/less training--became the thing that won you wars.

(A bit of an oversimplification; obviously resources and strategy and such mattered very much as well. But for Christ's sake I'm writing this for Naruto so we're gonna be a little less involved than a textbook.)

A ninja can kill at least as effectively as a gun (probably way more).

That brings us to the second issue, social class. There are two ways to control a population: direct and indirect. Take the idea of staying in a line. You can be kept in the line directly by having a guy with a stick hit you if you step out. You can also be kept in the line indirectly by being made to believe that you shouldn't step out of line, and this can be through positive or negative concepts; you believe that stepping out of line is dishonorable, or that it will cause you to lose a competition, or that the ground will crumble under your feet. 

Direct control becomes harder and harder the larger a population gets, for obvious reasons. The physical strength/technological capabilities of the population also becomes an issue; guards with sticks won't have any power if the people they're trying to keep in line are wearing armor.

So, indirect control works better for a large population. In real-life historical Japan, forms of indirect control were religion, class, and family loyalty.

Narutoland is missing most of those. 

Although people from large clans have an obvious advantage, we don't actually see any enmity towards shinobi from no-name families like Sakura or Lee. Nobody is scandalized by Sakura Nobody beating heiress of highly-placed and venerable clan Ino Yamanaka. There's no resistance to social mobility. 

(In real life, public schools were often opposed by the upper class because they represented social mobility and threatened the power of that form of indirect social control.)

And there's no religion in Narutoland, not on any large scale like the real-life worship of the Emperor.

"But what about the whole Will of Fire bullshit? That has to be indirect control!" Oh, it is! But there's two problems there. First is that Will of Fire encourages loyalty to the Hokage and not the daimyo. Second is that Will of Fire didn't exist in the Warring States era at all. 

So what are they fighting for in the Warring States era, Senju and Uchiha? Land? Money? What do these assholes want? 

They're not doing it for religion. They're not doing it to enforce a social punishment. They're not doing it because the daimyo told them. You can make a general assumption that it's food or money though, right? That's what all wars are fought over in the end. Well…

It's telling that most fix-it fic works by just having an actual, specific conflict (ie food shortage or being over-taxed) because once you have a definable problem you can work to address it. Kishimoto cheats by never identifying a problem so he can have the characters moan about how unsolvable it all is, when it's only unsolvable because Kishi chose to avoid having something tangible to address. 

tl;dr Warring States lacks both the social reasons for war (religion, loyalty to a daimyo) and the economic reasons. Furthermore, the military power structure is completely contradictory to a feudalist setup because ninja are far too powerful to be waging war the way they do.

The whole situation essentially uses the war as a proxy for a battle of ideals/principles; the actual war bits with people dying are just set dressing. The Warring States era only functions in this metaphorical way. In that sense, the whole situation doesn't need to make logical sense; it's just an allegory, a backdrop for belief A versus belief B.

So basically–

Ninja are so strong that they NEED some serious form of indirect social control to keep them loyal to the daimyo and that's just not there. Furthermore, they're so strong that they should have rocketed past this form of social strata ages ago. 

And, you know, while we're here, putting kids on the battlefield makes no fucking sense! It's very sad and all, but it's gibberish! A child represents an investment that takes years to return dividends. Getting your kid killed before they can reproduce is a massive waste of resources. 

"But Boots, there are child soldiers in real life!" Yeah, and modern child soldiers are almost universally cult shit--and, once more, guns are the great equalizer here. Historically, when they put kids on the battlefield it was in specific positions to keep them OFF the front line; pages, runners, powder monkeys. Children are physically not useful enough to put on the battlefield on purpose. The only kids who would be willingly sacrificed like that are slave children, but the frontline kids in Warring States are supposed to be nobility? Bullshit. That's a stupid fake conflict and it annoys the hell out of me.

[be-gay-do-heists]

hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

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Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam. 

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

------

(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/. 

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”

[novantinuum]

On the corrupted!Steven theory...

So, originally when I mused on this yesterday I was just playing around with random possibilities.

After combing the series for info about corruption, though, I’m mildly spooked at the increased potential for this to... perhaps be a thing? I’m not saying that this is what I for sure believe will happen- to be honest, I’m not even sure Crewniverse would go this direction at all- but just for funsies, let’s see what kind of “evidence” or “foreshadowing” exists that might support this potential story path in the context of canon.

(EDIT: 10/7/19 

I honestly no longer think this creature is a worm at all whatsoever, it’s either more akin to a horned caterpillar or potentially has limbs. Either way we can see so little right now that it’s hard to tell. I’m not editing the rest of this post because I want it to exist in its original form- but do keep this in mind reading the rest! XP)

1) The design of this worm creature.

Let’s start simple. Let’s start tangible. 

For future reference and simplicity, I will be henceforth be referring to this creature as... “Wormy Boi.”

So, let’s see what we’ve got here. I’m definitely not the first person to point out this fella’s pink nature, and the jarringly human-like nose they’ve got. (Compared to other corruptions, which have had distinctly non-humanoid features.) In the photo above, we also have Wormy Boi sporting glowing pink eyes, which then send out a flare of pink light/energy. So, seemingly a powerful entity.

If you watch the short segment before they sit upright, you’ll see that Wormy Boi is super, super big. They’re in the background, but BOY do they loom. The shadows cast upon them especially push that sense of size. They’ve also got a whole bunch of spikes on their back and framing their face.

So, then. What evidence could be made for this being a corrupted!Steven, as opposed to some other run-of-the-mill monster?

Steven Universe Future is a limited series, described as ‘tying up loose ends.” To me, as a viewer, it would make far more sense for the antagonists/conflicts to deal with big concepts that have already been established since there’s such a limited amount of time we have left with this world. Introducing a completely alien species in the last act of the show would feel offbeat from both a writing and a viewing perspective. Corruption- on the other hand- is something we don’t have full answers to yet.

We don’t see any gem, yes- but Steven’s gem is- of course- on his belly. If this theory were to be true, that would translate to the gem being on Wormy Boi’s underside, far out of our sight in this shot, due to how massive they are. As an addition to this, not showing the gem gives an air of mystery to this creature’s true nature- which makes it seem like there’s something surprising to discover here.

A corrupted diamond would surely be MASSIVE. Also, very powerful. The beam of pink light hints at Wormy Boi being quite a powerhouse.

The spikes on Wormy Boi’s back and around their face highly resemble rose thorns. We all know how much the Crewniverse loves their rose symbolism, and design wise, this aspect would make a lot of visual sense for a corrupted Steven. Running off of that:

The face/nose shape and the five horns on this creature’s head give off a very Steven-like silhouette. 

The nose, of course. The face has a very Steven-like shape to it, overall- although noticeably more angular and sharp. The mouth is reminiscent of the Watermelon Stevens’ mouths. And as for the horns, there’s five of them positioned equidistant around their face, just as Steven’s hair is always formed from five lil’ bumps at the same positions.

Okay, moving on.

(Read more under the cut!)

2) We do not yet understand the true nature of corruption.

“I guess it’ll take more than a kiss to heal damage from the Diamonds…” -Pearl, Monster Reunion

Corruption is still- bafflingly- a huge mystery. The Gems we’ve watched the CGs bubble since season one have been healed, yes, but there are still many gaps in our understanding of it. With Steven Universe Future’s promise to address some lingering story threads, it would make sense if corruption was on the plate for further discussion. So, what DO we know?

We know it’s something the Diamonds can do. Interestingly, it doesn’t seem to require all four diamonds. Three of them together were able to cause all the damage to Earth. There’s also no statement made that more than one Diamond is required to cause effects like that. 

In Legs From Here to Homeworld, Blue and Yellow Diamond weren’t actually aware the corruption was something they were capable of producing. They seemed to assume they obliterated the Gems on Earth. Corruption is then, even a mystery to them. That’s... odd, isn’t it?

Pearl states that it’s “something nearly impossible to describe.” Garnet goes further to say... “It’s sorta like... if MC Bear-Bear didn’t tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.”

"A sound… A song?” There’s a lot of association between corruption and music.

It causes Gems to lose touch with their usual forms, instead warping into a more outwardly "monstrous” version of themselves that appear to be “just a bundle of fight-or-flight reflexes and survival instincts.” As seen by Centipeetle in Monster Buddy and Monster Reunion, it appears as if corrupted Gems try to regenerate with their original forms if unbubbled, but are simply not in a state where they can maintain that.

As seen with Jasper in Earthlings, extreme emotional distress very much seems to speed up corruption’s effects. This is less of a stated fact and more of my read on that episode, but I believe it to be an important tidbit, especially since Garnet states that corruption’s damage is mental rather than physical, at least at its core. This can also be seen in Monster Reunion with how Centipeetle’s partial healing backfires when she remembers the trauma of being corrupted and reacts strongly.

Now, when it comes to healing corruption, Steven tries to heal Centipeetle himself, and does make some nice progress... helping her regain a hold on herself as he treats her with love and compassion and understanding... but it’s ultimately not a healing that can occur in isolation, helping her on his own. She needs more support before she can heal from this corruption to a state where she can truly be herself again.

And that eventually comes in the form of the other Diamonds. So, all four diamonds can help relieve the corruption if they help these Gems all together. 

3) How could this theory potentially fit into the story anyways, you nutter?

Well, here’s the part of this post where I make some broad conjectures. I honestly am shooting fish into a barrel here because again- we know barely anything about how corruption actually happened initially, and my thoughts are very jumbled. Please forgive me.

"I don’t really know how the corruption works. It’s like they’re sick. They don’t remember who they used to be.” -Steven, Gem Hunt

So, corruption seems to be a mental ailment of Gemkind, turned manifest. It also seems to have a deep connection to a Gem’s emotions, with Centipeetle growing smaller and slightly calmer upon feeling more secure in Steven’s presence, and corruption speeding up as Jasper grew more and more emotionally overwrought and self-deriding about herself. 

When it comes to the Diamonds and how they perhaps caused it originally- without fully realizing- we know that at least Blue and White have abilities focused on causing others to act in certain ways. Blue has sway over one’s emotions, and White has a knack for forcing her thoughts and self upon others. (I’m not sure how Yellow’s ability would play in here.) Mayhaps, mixed with their grief and guilt and anger, their power simply pressed all of that hurt emotion onto all the Gems on Earth in one whole fail swoop...? Tearing their minds in the process of it all?

The question I still have, though- is whether a single diamond could produce effects like this. And whether a diamond could turn that ability on themself.

Could Steven accidentally corrupt himself? Why might that happen?

Well, let’s look at our boy here. 

He’s got a wide circle of support at this time in canon, but notably, he’s notorious for bottling up his emotion and not letting others in to help him- instead dropping everything to help them with their problems. Just to name a few examples (a few):

The Test. He feels betrayed and hurt at the Gems for a moment about the way they’re babying him with the rigged test, but instead of admitting the hurt he feels about the scenario, bottles that up to help them feel more like good guardians.

Joy Ride. He opens up to the Cool Kids about deep, incredibly troubling stuff that’s long been on his mind, but he’s never once talked about it with his family.

Mindful Education. The perils of bottling one’s emotions is literally the whole plot of the episode. The kid has a full out sobbing breakdown while he’s plunging to his death. Connie gets through to him a little here, but later episodes show that the resolution we see here is merely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Steven’s internal issues. 

Storm in the Room. Externally, Steven tries so hard to put on a guise of content and positivity, but once alone in Rose’s room feels safe enough to let the full brunt of his emotional trauma come out in an almost explosive manner. Geeze, get this kid some hugs. 

Gemcation. Steven actually fails bitterly on putting on his customary smile in this episode, simply because the weight of his problems have become such an impossible burden to him. When the other Gems are trying to help him open up, he isn’t immediately responsive to their efforts. 

What’s Your Problem? Amethyst spends the whole episode trying to cheer Steven up and find out how he’s doing, and instead Steven downplays his own feelings on the matter and ends up helping her sort out her own emotional issues.

So to sum: Many an Emotional Issue, a chronic tendency to avoid outwardly addressing said issues in favor of helping everyone else instead... and to avoid accepting other people’s help.

Even if he’s surrounded by all these people who love him, the fact of the matter is that Steven still feels as if he has to face his own inner demons alone.

Now, let’s look at the lil’ teasing synopsis that was given for Steven Universe Future:

“After saving the universe, Steven is still at it, tying up every loose end. But as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own.”

Blatantly sounds like we’re gonna finally get some addressing of Steven’s emotional state, now doesn’t it?

4) A concept on what could, theoretically happen

“Maybe… it IS a guy in a monster costume. I don’t mean literally, silly! What I mean is... there might be a conscious Gem still inside there, somewhere. What if the monster is turning back and forth into its original form? If it is, it might not be as corrupted as we think! There might still be a chance to save it!” -Steven, Gem Hunt

Suppose Steven- by some as-of-yet unknown means- ends up accidentally corrupting himself. His sorry emotional state only further amplifies the effects of this corruption, and makes it really hard to retain control. Wormy Boi as a form could be like... all his inner demons made manifest, a metaphoric mirror into his current mental state. But- as he is half-human- he’s not entirely unaware of what’s happening. Perhaps... as the quote above could be sneaky foreshadowing for... how he’s turning back and forth between this corrupted form and his normal form. 

He likely wouldn’t want everyone to see him like this, doesn’t want everyone to visibly know the sheer depth of how much he’s hurting. But just like the corrupted Gems were only able to be helped in community, with the support of the CGs and the Diamonds in preparing the fountain, Steven can’t fix this on his own. 

He can no longer face the dark alone.

At some point, everyone has to take a brave step. Reach out. Accept help. 

Steven’s helped so many people, and surely he deserves that same love and care in return, too.

And perhaps, when he’s eventually healed from this- and has gotten the opportunity to be open with his family and friends about the hurt he’s facing- he’ll be left with “corruption scars” as well. I think it’s an important thing to address, that no one goes through experiences like these without lingering effects. Stuff stays with you. Healing is not always linear. But life is a continuous journey, and with the support of people who love you surrounding, you too can make a change... can continue to live to the fullest at every moment possible.

I think the above would be a lovely moral for Steven Universe to tackle in its last run of episodes, no matter how they approach it- daft corruption theory or not.

Now, in the end- a reiteration. This is just a wild theory. I’m not trying to be any authoritative voice saying that this is for sure what will happen, because in reality I have no idea what Crewniverse is cooking. However, I do think it’s fun speculation, and I am kinda spooked at how well things fit. 

Whatever happens, I’m sure it will make me weep like a baby, though. Hoh boy. Grant me sanity in these coming months as we wait for answers.

[halinski]

Red Light, Green Light

I lost the original ask when I tried to post the other day but thankfully I had this saved! Thank you to the anon who sent this!! It was a great challenge and obviously it took me a long while (so I hope you’re still around!) but I’m actually quite happy with it :D I might finally be gaining some confidence with writing hehe lots of thanks to @kcfriedchicken​ for always putting up with me and cheering me on, and also to @livinginfictions​ for the thorough beta!! <3

[Read on AO3]

Derek blinked lazily at the clock on Stiles' desk, wishing he could close his eyes and keep dozing, pretend he hadn't seen how late it was getting because that meant putting an end to this. But...an alpha missing out or being late to his own pack meeting would not do. Especially if he popped up around the same time as Stiles, both of them smelling distinctly of each other.

No. This...whatever it was—well, relationship, yes, in a way—it was just theirs for now. Stiles’ and his. They hadn't put a name to it, mostly because Derek feared to bestow a cursed title upon Stiles. Connections like this generally ended badly. But this was something that was just theirs, safe and secure behind four walls, or car doors. For now.

Another minute ticked by, striking Derek's ears, drawing attention to the impatient little black hands, swinging further on and on, tempting Derek to dig his claws into the plastic and tear it apart, as if that would eradicate the concept of time so that he could continue to lie here with Stiles on his shoulder. If that was all his life consisted of from this day forward, Derek wouldn't mind. He'd always seen himself bleeding to death at the hands of an enemy, enduring inexplicable pain but now... 

He could spend eternity here in Stiles' room, on his tiny bed, and not be bothered at all, or alternatively, and more realistically, die happy on the spot in a good way.

He was half tempted to go public with their...relationship but it also made the fear of vulnerability stir inside his chest. It was one thing to have Stiles see his cracks and edges: to let him soothe them like balm in privacy, but revealing this thing with Stiles would mean letting the rest of the world know about his weakness. He knew the pack didn't mean him any harm, and yet...

Derek was working on giving the softness inside him space. It was a work in progress.

He sighed, another tick and tock of a minute having gone by, the planned event creeping closer. Stiles snuffled against Derek's shoulder at the sound, rubbing his scent into the worn grey shirt. His arm re-adjusted around Derek's torso.

"If you keep up with that all my shirts are gonna be shoulder free - but only on the right side," Derek said, amused and hell, proud even, at how quickly so many wolf-like behaviors had grown on Stiles; faster than anyone else in the pack, when he wasn't even a wolf. It spoke volumes of Stiles' understanding. Sure, he had been tactile from the start, searching for contact, and Derek had seen the hugs and shoulder pats he shared with his dad but this...it just felt right.

Derek was glad the human's eyes were closed because the smirk he was wearing may have been closer to a smile, and he didn't dare encourage Stiles’ ideas further. If he gave his cheesy thoughts too much room he would ruin their balanced give and take. They both found a necessary challenge in the other. Derek couldn't just surrender.

"You can buy new ones," Stiles mumbled, not caring to lift his head even the slightest bit. "Shit, it's not like you're poor. Don't be stingy. Let a guy enjoy himself."

Derek let out a light snort. "You've enjoyed yourself plenty. It's time we get ready."

Stiles just whined, slightly high pitched and grating, but a wordless communication Derek appreciated, if only for the fact that Stiles didn't necessarily need his words around him anymore. When he didn't want to, which...wasn't very often.

"Come on, let's go," Derek said, giving Stiles' a vigorous little back rub to try and get his system going, after which he managed to pull him up into a sitting position with him.

"This sucks. I'm going to excommunicate from the pack. Both you and me so we never have to deal with any responsibilities ever again," Stiles said, blinking unhappily into the room.

Derek swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood, stretching his back. "And then I'll whisk you away and we'll live in a cave like real wolf-men for the rest of our lives," he quipped.

"Exactly!" Stiles exclaimed, a grin splitting his face. "This is why I'm dating you."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. You only want me because I'm a werewolf." Derek let out a put upon sigh after slipping on his shoes and grabbing his jacket. Stiles joined him then, taking hold of Derek by wrapping his fist in the hem of his shirt.

"Come here, hot wolf-man," Stiles mock-growled, pulling him in. Derek went along easily, lips finding Stiles' blindly and letting himself sink into the warmth. Stiles' hand stroked over his cheek with the tenderness of a sunlit daisy.

God, Derek was a goner.

Derek gently nudged Stiles back, righting his head. Stiles followed his movement with a subtle lick across his lips, pupils all wide and open, as if he had a whole world in there for Derek alone to make his home in. But he couldn't let himself get distracted by Stiles again. 

"I'll race you," he blurted out to shake himself out of this delirious high. A challenge: one of the strongest motivators for Stiles. On cue, Derek watched the spark ignite in his eyes.

"I'm listening." Stiles smiled at him defiantly.

"I bet I can make it home, shower and be ready before you are."

"On foot? No way! I'm so going to win this."

"Oh yeah?"

"You're a goner, Hale."  Stiles was right about that on one count.

Derek met his gaze with equal glee. He held the moment just for a second longer, fingertips brushing against Stiles' nape. Stiles' pulse jumped beneath his thumb and Derek couldn't put the feelings in his chest into words, nor actions. The most he was capable of was resting his forehead against Stiles', just breathing him in.

Resisting the tangible temptation to give in to Stiles once more, Derek merely parted his lips to whisper, "Go!"

He ripped himself from the human and fled, holding fast to his next objective.

"Hey!" Stiles objected after a heartbeat, but Derek was already out the window.

--------

Stiles screeched into the parking lot, foot on the break and hands pulling the steering wheel for a sharp left. He skidded to a halt next to the familiar figures at the entrance to Derek’s building - he still couldn’t believe his boyfriend had bought a whole building just to maintain his social isolation. Then again, having to listen to your neighbors do literally everything couldn’t be great. It would drive anyone insane. Stiles yanked the emergency break as he parked and left the car running, jumping out in one smooth move.

Isaac could shut it, he was totally smooth.

“You asshole!” Stiles ranted, pointing at Derek in frustration. “You cheated.” 

Derek did nothing but smile smugly, eyebrows openly laughing at Stiles.

“I don’t cheat,” he declared, arms crossing over his chest, now wearing a nice bright blue shirt. There was a light, earthy cologne crawling up Stiles' nose as he stood in front of this man of brawn. Stiles knew intimately how solid and strong Derek was beneath that sturdy dark blue top but instead of indulging said train of thought he had to expel it. The pack was probably used to his hormonal responses to Derek but he was supposed to be growing out of that phase.

Thank goodness for strong deodorant, Stiles thought,watching Derek's nostrils flare. He breathed in relief at the small nod that deemed him clean enough. Any lingering scents of each other scrubbed away,  and  a change of clothes. Dating a werewolf on the down low among other werewolves was a pain in the ass. Especially when assholes like Jackson would sneer and complain about the "ghastly stink" of artificial scents only when it came to Stiles. Naturally, he didn’t dare talk smack about Derek in his presence. 

"There's no way. You absolutely cheated," Stiles insisted and jabbed at those abs, just under Derek's elbow, where he knew he was ticklish. Then he bit his tongue lest he let anything incriminating slip and whirled around, grinning to himself at the quiet wheeze behind him.

"You done?” Lydia asked with an audible eye roll. How was it that all of Stiles’ favorite people had perfected that movement? 

“Yup!” Stiles declared, making a beeline for Erica to hook his arm into hers. Erica was bound to try to interrogate him about what kind of cheating Derek had done but Stiles was a sheriff’s son, and he had all his evasive techniques down. Of course, Erica had her own theories about him and the alpha, which may or may not have resulted in him confessing to her about his crush. Despite not being able to tell her about any of the developments, he found comfort in the fact that he could be sure she was rooting for them. “C’mon, bestie. Let’s go!”

Stiles didn’t miss the grin Erica sent Derek’s way before they turned and headed up into the loft, making a pit stop at the still running Jeep. The rest of the pack slowly shuffled after them. 

--------

Somehow... no matter how organized Derek tried to be before a pack meeting or how sternly he glared and attempted to keep the pack in line, pack meetings always resulted in chaos and headaches. Right now, there was a discussion going on about cats and full moons that weren’t based on any scientific (or supernatural) evidence and Derek couldn't even recall when the conversation shifted.

Even Stiles was getting tired at this point, rubbing his forehead vigorously as he hung over the laptop. Derek hadn't heard him typing for the past 15 minutes and it hadn’t been long after that Stiles had stopped sending sullen looks his way and started stubbornly picking at the permanent stain on the table.

"Okay, let's wrap this up and get something to eat before I start tearing out throats," Derek sighed.

Stiles' laptop snapped shut before Derek finished the sentence.

Boyd smirked. "We haven't heard that one in a while," he commented.

"So, we're done, right?" Lydia declared, already packing up her things and slipping her shoes back on.

"We're done when I say I'm done," Derek said. "Any other questions left?"

Erica raised her arm from her lounged position. 

"Yes."

"Are we done?" she asked, without as much a hint of amusement, and Derek was. Derek was 100 percent done trying to deal with these teenagers. 

He gave her a long blank stare. Just to prove how much he meant it, before he turned from where he had been pacing and pointed at Stiles.

"Patty's. You're driving."

Then he marched upstairs to his private bathroom, just to buy himself some alone time, hanging out the tiny window and staring out at the tree tops. 

He loved his pack, he did. Sometimes it was all a bit much and he needed to breathe, though. He'd been the same even as a kid.

He waited until everyone had made their way into the stairwell before taking a deep breath and following. A small part of him was hoping Stiles would linger behind so they could have a moment but he quickly buried that thought with logic. They would be heard and how could he even already miss Stiles when they had just spent hours together?

Grabbing his jacket, wallet in the pocket, he pulled the door shut and ambled down the stairs. He didn't bother locking it. There was nothing to protect, and Derek made sure to chase off any stupid teens who wanted to screw around and vandalize the place. Any supernaturals wouldn't be bothered by a lock anyway.

The only exception was, of course, when Stiles was around.

Of course, the kids weren't even close to figuring out a seating order by the time he joined them. What did Derek even expect?

But upon approaching the Jeep, he found one seat occupied. The passenger seat. Derek stopped short. 

"Erica." Because of course. 

Her curls bounced as the young women turned to look and flash a grin at him. 

"Derek, hi! Would you look at that, we're matching," she said, shimmying in her own leather jacket, just as black as his, but newer and shinier. Derek wouldn't really say they matched, because Erica was a fashion statement in herself, a force of her own, and Derek was just…wearing a memento because it was comfortable. Whatever.

Derek crossed his arms.

Stiles came over to his side, leaning on him and in toward Erica. Stiles let his fingers tap lightly against Derek's pec. Thank God Stiles had always been reckless with physical contact and there was no sudden change in intimacy that could cause suspicion. Derek just had to make sure he didn't preen too much.

"Eyebrows basically mirrored, matching, with only a slight degree of tilt, I would say maybe like a good… 19%. And then we have a non-flared nose but alert ears and oh, dare I say… that freshly trimmed stubble really drives the point home,which is…Erica, I think you better move," Stiles warned, voice lifting from dramatic broadcaster to a cartoonist sing-song tune.

Derek chose not to acknowledge Stiles, because encouragement would surely only escalate this situation. Either in the manner of Stiles' antics, or instead with the fondness trying to bloom in Derek's chest.

Erica only proceeded to lean further into her seat, eyes flickering between the two of them with a certain glint.

"And why's that?" she challenged.

"Because I say so," Derek muttered.

"And he's the alpha," Stiles finished for him, straightening with pride. 

Erica gazed back between the two of them, lips pursuing with evident consideration of pushing further. Then she sighed.

"You know it's really not fair when you gang up on me," she said, but a smile still snuck its way onto her face. She turned towards the middle console and hiked herself up to clamber into the back. Halfway there, she stuck her hands out and called for Boyd's assistance, who gave a small shake of his head but quickly came to his girlfriend's aid. 

Derek bit back a comment while Stiles laughed at his side, and then detached himself from him. Before Stiles left to go grab his own seat, he left a gentle pat on Derek's back.

--------

Two and a half hours, 12 burgers, 7 large fries (4 regular and 3 curly), 2 cartons of onion rings, some chicken, multiple stacks of pancakes, 4 waffles, 8 milkshakes, and a juicy mixed berry pie  later, they were back in the cars, making the 20 minute drive to Beacon Hills. Sure, there were plenty of places to eat in town but after discovering Patty’s diner one early morning while dealing with some kind of manticore-like creature nearby, they had deemed this the best reasonably close diner. Now, it was a regular thing.

Jackson led the way in his Porsche, of course, with Lydia right at his side and Scott and Allison in the back, while Jeep tailed them with Stiles at the wheel. Erica was splayed out in the backseat with her head resting in Boyd’s lap, quietly humming along to the radio. Isaac was smooshed over on the other side and yet still somehow found a way to rest his head on Boyd's shoulder and close his eyes. 

Hungers sated, stress digested and drama enacted all through dinner, everything was starting to slowly settle. Even Derek's restless soul found sanctuary in the familiar scents of his pack and the rhythm of Stiles' fingers against the wheel as they corresponded with his heartbeat. Derek allowed himself to find comfort, sinking further into the seat and stretching his arm casually out to rest on the back of Stiles' seat. 

He watched Stiles' eyes flicker his way but halt and return to take in the sight in the rear view mirror. A small smile tugged at his lips and Stiles hummed along with Erica as if the swell of affection radiating from him was not at all related to Derek's action.

Derek followed his gaze back out to the street in front before he could get lost in retracing the slope of Stiles' nose and the starry path of moles down his cheek. The Porsche was growing ever smaller, occasionally disappearing from view entirely.

"You're going to lose them," Derek remarked. Not that it really mattered; everything still felt safe enough. As safe as it could, that was.

"If Jackson wants to flash his bougie car as some sort of compensation even  though he didn't even buy it himself, he can be my guest. I'm not pushing my darling today," Stiles said, making a show of stroking the wheel. He smirked. "Unless you want to pay for a full on “Pimp My Car” session?"

Derek snorted. "In your dreams."

"One day. Just you wait. You'll see."

"Upgrading anything about this—this—" Derek reconsidered calling Roscoe a piece of crap whenStiles threw him a warning glare, "—hunk of metal…would cost more than buying a brand new SUV, including A/C and all the good stuff."

"You know, if you give me that in cash, I could totally start saving up for that upgrade." Stiles gave him an impish little smile.

"Absolutely not."

"C'mon, Hale. Fork over the cash," Stiles sang, holding up a hand and rubbing his fingers together. "Otherwise I might have to start charging by the mile, along with a service fee."

Which Derek had absolutely offered Stiles before. Well, not payment by the mile but he had happily suggested taking care of all charges for the usage and maintenance of the Jeep. He had repeatedly insisted and it was Stiles who, more often than not, refused. 

"I think we might have to switch over to transport by taxi. That'll be cheaper as well as a smoother ride,"  Derek countered.

"What are you, 50? Have you ever heard of Uber? It's what all the—"

"Eyes on the road, Stiles."

"I am paying attention. Jeez, relax."

"And both hands on the wheel."

"Stop acting like my dad—"

"Oh my God, Stiles. I am not that old. Stop comparing me to your dad, of all people."

"Then stop acting like it. You're out here lecturing me like I don't always get you right where you need to be. With special bodyguard services, if I may add, which you will never get from any carpooling service." 

Derek shook his head at the smug smile on his mate's face. There was time for sweet praises to be whispered into burning ears from within warm embraces in bed later. For now, he just preened at the familiarity of the interaction. Nothing like some good old bickering to help digest a feast.

"It's red." Derek pointed out to the street light ahead.

"I have eyes," Stiles said, easing down on the brake a little harder. The Jeep eventually rolled to a stop before the empty intersection, the hanging mist seeping from the tall dark trees radiating a gleaming red.

Derek loved it when the world made it seem like time stood still.

Stiles turned to him.

"Red light," Stiles proclaimed, voice suddenly open and unguarded. It was like the silvery shine to full moon nights when they encased Derek in protection. He reacted to the words on instinct, habit pulling him forward. Derek leaned in without hesitation.

Letting his lips meet Stiles' didn't require any guidance. He'd probably find his way home to Stiles' soft touch blindfolded from the opposite side of the world. Kissing Stiles was sweet like honey and warm like a fireplace in the dead of a Siberian winter.

It wasn't a peck, definitely a longer interaction, but it was still soft and sweet. They were encapsulated in their own little world until they finally parted. Derek found those beautiful amber eyes and smiled.

"Green light," he said softly, having registered the quiet click and the now lightened fog outside.

Stiles breathed out between parted lips, a corner of them hiking up. He was just about to shift the car into motion when—

"What the ever loving fuck was that?!" Erica burst between them with a shout, nails digging into their sleeves. "What? I mean, this! You kissed!"

Stiles brought his foot down on the brake again hard, but he forgot the clutch and killed the engine instantly. He'd let out his own shout that fell quiet as the car came to a rocking stop.

Derek winced at the volume before he could register what was going on and then… froze. 

"Erica! What the hell," Stiles breathed out, throwing his hands up to his hair. His discomfort couldn't solely be attributed to the surprise from the backseat, Derek figured, chancing a look over to see the blush climbing up Stiles' face. Derek knew all too well how it started; with the pink gleam budding just beneath his collarbone before it expanded like smattering star dust all the way up his neck that found its heart in his cheeks. Right where Derek found the source of his happiness when they tugged up and bunched around Stiles' smile.

"No." Erica shook her head. "Not me. What is going on right here?" She tugged at their arms. "When did this start? How long has it been going on?"

"And how in hell did you manage to keep this a secret, Stilinski?" Isaac threw in, his head popping up beside the bouncy curls.

Stiles looked over at Derek cautiously. His heart was clearly doing double time and well, so was Derek's. They had always avoided discussing the possibility of an involuntary reveal so, honestly, it served them right. Derek should've known the universe would have a trick up its sleeve as soon as he relaxed.

But…this wasn't necessarily something bad. He was pretty sure that the pack wouldn't mind about this development. Chances were, it would bring them all closer together. Somehow.

Still, doubts remained. Fear crept through him on spindly legs, ready to strike with its black widow fangs at any moment. There was so much that could go wrong. So much-

There was a deep intake of breath from beside him. 

"It's not what you think," Stiles said then.

"Oh, so Derek wasn't just shoving his tongue down your throat?" Erica hummed, and she leaned forward to place her chin on Stiles' shoulder.

"There was no tongue involved!" Stiles exclaimed, throwing up an arm.

"There was a kiss though," Boyd intercepted.

Stiles glared at him through the rear view mirror. "You too? Betrayal."

"I am pretty curious about this," he replied, gazing over at Derek as best as he could past Erica's and Isaac's heads.

"Oh my god," Stiles breathed. "It was just…a game! It was—it was just a game."

"A game?" Erica had nearly perfected the signature Hale eyebrow lift. 

Stiles was not fully successful at covering up his jealousy. 

Nor the shame and upset at having to play the incident off. Derek wasn't having it.

"Yes, a game. The red light game. You spend hours on your phone. How have you not—" Stiles started.

"No," Derek interrupted. There was a quiet hitched breath as all heads turned to stare at the Alpha. He tried to remain calm, and turned to look at his mate.

"It's not just a game. It is our game but we're also dating." Derek swallowed, keeping his breath and words steady. "He's my boyfriend."

Erica's squeal almost drowned out Stiles' beaming joy, but all Derek could see was Stiles; and the unfiltered, sunshine-bright love shining off his exhilarated face. There was surprise there, and some hesitance, but it was overrun by excitement.

"I fucking knew it!" Erica laughed loudly, smacking a kiss to Stiles' cheek and quickly infecting him with her laughter.

It wasn't long before most of the car had joined in, searching for touch all around. Derek felt both pats on his shoulders as well as a grip near his neck, grounding him to pack amidst all the congratulations. It seemed funny now, worrying about the reception of this news. Derek ducked his head to hide his burning eyes.

Relief, happiness—he wasn't even sure what to feel first, but he almost felt like he didn't need to name it. All he had to do was let himself feel it for now. Stiles put his hand over his, squeezing it lightly. Derek took it.

"Wait, so this is why we found you two cooking together that one time!" 

Derek smiled, looking up to the road ahead with a lighter soul.

[disgruntledspacedad]

oh goodness... okay...

i binged all of "bang" through "mirror, mirror" last night and let me tell you: i am unwell. i just woke up so my brain is not exactly coherent (and let's be honest, when it is ever?) but i am just... so invested and equally as excited for the pain i'm sure is to come in IIF.

i did want to make special note of naming the reading hannah. i knew it would come around eventually, having seen it in different asks and whatnot, and i had not really formed an opinion on the decision to give the reader a specific name. however, in "mirror, mirror" when javi says her name for the first time, my tummy did a full on nosedive swoop. like... things were Happening to me.

i guess this makes the reader more of an oc, but tbh, i never imagine myself as the reader even when reading in second person; it's always some idealized version of myself. adding a name to the reader, imo, is such a brilliant move. it makes everything feel so real and tangible, and you can still enjoy that "insert" aspect of the story without sacrificing what we all love about reader-inserts.

also, and this is so wildly specific is probably doesn't make any sense, but picking the name hannah Did Me In. i think it's because hannah is such a classic, demure, sweet sort of name and linking that to someone who is headstrong and brave and capable seems like a fun juxtaposition. (that's not to say that hannah's can't be classic and demure and sweet and headstrong and brave and capable, but i found there to be an interesting foil between her name and her character, especially after going so long only recognizing her as ears. like i said, this probably doesn't make sense hehe.)

i also just... swoon when i think of javi repeating her name over and over and over. IT"S HOT IN HERE!

good golly miss molly this got long. whoops! i seriously can't wait to start IIF. thank you for this series/universe!!

Ahhhh Jess, thank you! This has made my day! Okay, long answer pending sorry sorry sorry.

Ears was always an OC in my head. When I first started writing, I was trying really hard to stick to the whole neutral/ambiguous reader concept, but dammit, that just did not work for me. She’s just too much. Little details would sneak in, and by the time I wrote Bang, I had her entire backstory/family history/name/quirks/personality fleshed out.

I’ve been calling her a second person OC since almost the beginning (in fact, it’s nearly jarring to me to hear her referred to as “reader” now), and I’m glad that you see the benefits of walking this line. Personally, I’ve never been able to self insert into a story, either, and also, I find the concept of true neutrality impossible to obtain.

I knew very early into If I Fall that I would have to introduce her by name (it’s just too complex and complicated of a story to dodge that) and embraced her fully as an OC at that point. People were incredibly receptive to this, which I’m very grateful for! I have never once regretted that. In fact, I wish I’d done it sooner.

She was Hannah from the beginning, a nod to her Jewish ancestry, and there’s something about that bouncy hair that solidified the choice for me. I’m glad you find it ironic - I had never given it much thought, but you’re not wrong, and now I think it’s funny, too!

Javi using her name is something that doesn’t happen often. It punches me in the gut when I write it. It’s something he only does when he’s being very serious (or teasing her, I guess, like we see in Mirror Mirror). There’s a lot more I want to say here, but it’s all very meta, and I don’t wanna spoil anything in IIF that hasn’t already been spoiled for you. 😅🤐

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. So happy to have you on board! Buckle up tight — IIF is a hell of a ride!

Much love and mad hugs,

~ Jay

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory- Bonus Vergil Ending

Author’s notes: So. This took me a really long time to write, and...well...I dont really know what to say about that. To be honest, the V ending got a lot of complaints, and it really tore down my motivation and confidence for this fic, for writing in general. Not to mention I was trying to get my life together for the beginning of this year, but the virus shit kind of ruined everything so im just...dead for the most part. Shit sucks, I’m tired, but...I felt bad about never giving this ending, so i did my best to make it something worth reading for you all. Im sorry it took so long, im sorry i never write or post anymore. Im just really doing my best to get through each day, and im really grateful for those of you who stuck around, and those who didnt

Heres to, hopefully, more writing in the future.

Bonus Chapter

Vergil’s alternate ending

So lost in the gravity of the moment, minds addled and fogged with sadness, pain, and rage...neither man heard you.

The Outsider didn’t notice you snap out of the pocket Void he held you in, didn’t hear the shattering of obsidian and the distant howl of a thousand voices screaming their denial, their sheer despair at your choice. After all, this place was a part of you--The void wanted it too, ached and craved and begged for his punishment. The man who caused you so much pain, left abandoned and alone to suffer all the agonies a world could offer. Surely this could not be, surely you weren’t making this choice, willingly embracing this agony in all its absolute brilliance?

 It hurt, it hurt. The pain was so fresh and alive, it rattled through your bones and spread like boiling, freezing water through every joint and tendon. Memory had always been your burden, from the moment you entered the Void to every fresh breath of it you drew to fight being swallowed whole by the inky abyss. And now those memories were like brands, searing into your skin and leaving scars so deep that they were numb. The burn didn’t stop, and neither would the images that came with them.

Images of your baby. Your son--Nero.

The instant you relieved that moment, saw his tiny form peppered with a tuft of white hair upon a shivering head you screamed, thrashing against the obsidian hands holding you back. One by one they shattered, shards drifting into absolute nothingness like dust floating on the breeze. More and more they came, trying to wipe it all away. And still...you writhed, shouted, held onto every moment, every pain. The guilt was more agonizing than anything else, sending your limbs trembling and mouth open in a soundless cry to join the ever shrieking masses. You left him, you forgot him. Your flesh and blood, your son left on a doorstep alone to grow up feeling abandoned and neglected. 

No amount of power could change what had happened to your mind, to your body bleeding out on a sidewalk. Strength was just a fleeting concept then, a whispered promise of brighter futures than your soul was made to endure. When that agony returned, when the tragedy of that day struck it left you shattering and broken, glass upon the ground begging to be picked up again. You weren’t like that anymore.

Strength was no longer an empty promise, it was something real and tangible. You could hold it in your hands, cradle it and nurture it with everything you had. It existed in the laughter of friends, in the feeling of holding a loved one’s hand,  deep breaths of ocean air and memories made in that place of tragedy that were so bright. For so long now ignorance had been your enemy, snatching away so much happiness and leaving you wanting. Losing V, the Outsider’s betrayal, this--if only you had known, if only things could change. If only. You were tired of those two words, the taste of them now foul and bitter like poison shoved down your throat. There it choked, spat out with more force than ever thought capable. No more ignorance, no more hiding from that deep, aching pain and regret--you knew now, and by the Void itself you would die before not knowing again. 

It felt like hours had passed before the hands finally stopped coming, a gasp escaping your lips like you had been held under the ocean’s weight the whole time. Finally, a breach. You crested over that familiar surface of water, falling upward until the familiar glow of the Void finally met your eyes. Obsidian hands managed to break your fall, eyes swimming with dizziness and tears while everything sank into the very core. Vergil, your love,  abandoning you, the order, the pregnancy, Nero--everything. This was the make or break moment, the time to sink or swim. You lay on the cold ground for some time, treading the waters of your own mind and trying not to drown while the Foresight screamed in unbearable pain. You would not break. You would not break. You would not break. 

You wanted to remember, wanted to remember everything. There were so many things that had to be said, apologies to be made, love to give. You wanted to weep at the feet of your son, to beg and plead for forgiveness and tell him how absolutely loved he was from the very start. To make up for lost time, to change everything without the fear of shattering apart. The past could not be fixed, mistakes were now written in stone. But you knew that didn’t have to mean the future had to be bleak. You remembered now--That deep feeling of love, meeting Vergil that first time and pouring everything into him. His betrayal had stung to your very core, had left your past self weeping along in a cold cell. But...that love wasn’t gone. It didn’t justify Vergil’s actions, but you knew now. No longer ignorant, having been so close and deeply in love with the human part of him he rarely showed. V, the broken man who wanted nothing more to be protected and loved. 

Now you knew both sides of the man you loved, and you didn’t want to lose that again.

Clarity seeped through the pain, weaving together the pieces left behind and keeping you solid. A wheeze escaped your lungs, sounds fading in and out as you struggled to rise from the ground. The Outsider’s voice, Vergil’s, the Void. Promises of punishing the son of Sparda, of leaving him still loving you while V was here to keep you happy and ignorant. Denial scraped along the already-battered walls of your head, gaze lifting just enough to see a blurry vision on the precipice of the endless sky. There the Outsider held Vergil up by his collar, framed by an endless glow without stars and no sun. Neither had noticed you, so lost in the Void’s howl and in the Outsider’s chiding promise. It made your teeth grind, head swimming with desperation and the unrivaled need to stop this, to stop everything. No more--no more pain, no more suffering, no more punishments. 

You dragged yourself, body trembling uncontrollably as the Foresight battled every inch of it. A fail safe, meant to protect you from memories that might bring about shattering. Right now it definitely wasn’t helping, but that didn’t mean you would stop. The hard ground of the debris scraped your legs as you went, but they were practically numbed by everything else. Whale oil rising like bile in your throat, eyes black and reflecting the Void’s glow like obsidian crystals. Your tears glistened, dew on their surface, falling steadily through the harsh, wheezing breaths. Clearer now, clearer every second. Vergil stared sightless ahead, eyes glazed and empty as he accepted the Outsider’s fate. His look of defeat shook you, made every cell scream out in denial and sorrow. Both of you were so young, so foolish, so desperate, so headstrong, so hurt--not anymore, not. Any. More.

“Vergil Sparda, this is your punishment for hurting my child.”

Enough. We’ve all had enough.

The Outsider jolted when you reached out, grasping the back of his jacket with shaking fists and pulling yourself upright. What a sight you must have been--body riddled in scratches from dragging yourself, pale and shaking while the wind whipped your hair into a senseless mess. The deity immediately gasped, dropping Vergil’s limp form in shock and leaving him sitting on the edge of the debris, jolted back into sense. For a brief moment, your eyes met. Agonized, horror-filled blue staring into the glistening black, reflecting so many emotions, apologies, and regrets. When he was like this, his expressions reminded you so much of V. You knew what he was seeing, feeling, remembering. Seeing what his choices wrought, the tragedy and despair left in the wake of an arrogant child’s selfishness and fear. And that’s what he looked like now--unabashed vulnerability, tears in his eyes threatening to drip down already-wet cheeks. That past was done, it was gone and left in the rubble of memories that longer mattered.

Here, now...that mattered.

“Y/N…!” The Outsider rasped in horror, griping both your shoulders as you grabbed the lapels of his jacket without letting go. It caused him to crouch to your level, expression filled with panic and shock as he continued on horrified, “You shouldn’t be here, you still...still--How did you manage to--”

You couldn’t explain, couldn’t give him the chance to send you back again. You choked on a shuddering breath, arms reaching up around his neck and pulling closer into the only embrace you had ever shared with the deity. The one who gave you life, saved you from the abyss and spent the past few years trying not to let you break--his methods were not the right ones to take, lingering in cruelty and the very pain he knew too. How could you expect a creature who knew nothing but the empty, mindless howl of the Void to know anything of comfort and affection? He had no one to teach him mercy, to remind him of what humanity was like. To let go, no more pain of betrayal, no more anger.

 He froze when you rested your face on his neck, body held against his as wind whipped around you both mercilessly. There was no warmth, not physically--but his chill was a comfort all its own,  a familiarity that kept you from shattering and calmed the Foresight into a low hum.

“N...no more…” Your voice was so tiny, a broken sob against his frozen skin as you squeezed tighter, “Please...please...No more.”

The Outsider swallowed hard, body still rigid as his hands very gently settled on your back. Like he was holding glass thinner than paper, on the verge of breaking. He grit his teeth, you could hear the grinding of his jaw from this close.

“You’re suffering,” He managed to rasp out, voice shaking with restrained emotion as one hand threaded through your hair, “My child, my only precious flower--you remember don’t you? You remember what he--”

I remember. I remember remember remember. And I never want to stop. 

“I don’t care…!” Your body shook harder, voice taking on the hard edge of resolve even while tears swam in your vision again. The memories hadn’t stopped, they refused to cease in their brutal assault. Vergil never coming to save you, the pain of being shot, giving birth alone and soaked to the bone. Blood on the sand, your son’s wail on the wind. His face, his tiny hands… You sucked in a shaking breath, heart aching as a broken whimper slipped from your lips, “Please...don’t take him from me...I can’t lose it again…”

I want to know him. I want to know Nero as my son. I want to know Vergil as my everything.

You didn’t want this pain to be a reminder anymore. You wanted to make new memories with your child, to make up for all the mistakes and everything he lost. To go on without knowing, to live in ignorance as his friend and listen to him speak of the sorrow that came with being abandoned...you would rather die. Guilt was not a stranger, and you knew it was possible to grow and heal from it again. Because you weren’t that broken soul in the Void anymore, having tasted what a happy life could truly be like at the very core of your being. A perfect word would have been Vergil coming to save you back then, stealing you away to a quiet place to give birth and raise your child together as better people, to move on. But this world was far from perfect, and that was okay. To learn, to move on and grow from what happened seemed too good to be true, but it was all you wanted, all you had. 

Vergil stared at you with absolute agony, those tears managing to trickle out against his will down sharp cheeks. You loved remembering him, those special first moments. Getting to hold his hand, a first kiss, that night...it had been everything, bringing familiarity to the time you had been with V. Of course the poet felt so right, so deeply familiar and necessary--your body remembered him, saw the black-haired human in every tender, vulnerable moment with Vergil. Getting to have them both was such a blessing, to learn that part of your soulmate so intimately and without restraint. He held so much back, drowned out by fear and pride that continued to choke his happiness. Things could change, they had to.

The Outsider sucked in a sharp breath at your words, hands shaking where they gripped the back of your blouse. You could teach him too, could help him remember what empathy felt like underneath the howling Void.

The cold has numbed you, but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

“I...I could return V to you…” The Outsider whispered, staring over your head into the empty abyss as the wind continued to howl for everything you had lost, “That man, he...he hurt you, broke--You. I almost lost my only child, the only gift this wretched place allowed me.”

In a way, the deity was a child too, not understanding his own emotion and lashing out in kind. All this nonsense had been born in how much he cared for you, so much that the idea of losing you scared him into cruelty. It wasn’t right, he hurt you and the people close to you in the process. It couldn’t continue like this anymore, not on the path of revenge and tragedy. 

You let out a soft breath, eyes squeezing shut as you tried to push back the tears. Your pain wasn’t helping him see clearly, nor was it aiding you in any way. It had to end, this ceaseless cycle—The Outsider needed to understand that you could handle this, that you could grow and stand on your own feet while carrying the weight of these memories around on your shoulders. 

“I know what that feels like,” You whimpered, breaths attempting to slow but still hitching with each swallowed sob. That fear he felt, the panic...you felt that all and more, “Please, father...don’t make me lose my child again.”

You felt him suck in a shuddering breath, eyes a glassy black as they stared over your shoulder into the abyss. In all the time you knew the Outsider, he had never shown emotion like this. Muscles locked to the point of shaking lightly with strain, air pressed through his nostrils like he was afraid opening his mouth would release an unwilling scream of denial. Because you knew deep down, knew he could understand your desire to keep these memories. Seeing you lose Nero had to hurt him too, bringing on the unwilling fear of experiencing the same thing once you almost slipped away. He had tried the only way he knew how, and now…that fear was caging you in, born of desperation and panic that kept the entire ocean at bay in the hopes of saving you from drowning. But he could never stop it from trickling through, not for long.

You delicately ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the wind send the short locks tossing back and forth. He felt so...human, real and solid. You were willing to bet he wasn’t always the God of this place, that his vulnerability and immaturity had roots in something deeply human. He froze sharply at the contact, hands squeezing the fabric of your blouse so tightly you wondered if it had started tearing.

“If I could take you away from this place, I…” You whispered, eyes closing softly as your body battled exhaustion, “The Void has made you cold, father. I just...I cannot let these feelings go.”

You leaned back just enough to stare at the Outsider’s face, obsidian meeting obsidian and reading each other’s faces. His eyes were wide with unrestrained desperation and sorrow, echoing so many years spent in this miserable place without the sun. You placed both hands gingerly on his cheeks, thumbs stroking along his high cheekbones as if waiting for tears to be shed.

“Father,” You whispered, voice aching with so many things better left unsaid as you stared at him steady and imploring, “Ignorance won’t protect us anymore.”

You hear Vergil suck in a breath at that, air dragged through teeth clenched so hard they might crack. The Outsider’s reaction was no different, those obsidian eyes wide and face a blank mask of shock and regret that showed no signs of fading. You knew what he was thinking, knew that desperate horror of watching you come so close to shattering, to becoming one with that deep, endless abyss. He was not used to fear, he was not used to being afraid. And that was something you could understand, something you wished so terribly to ease in any way you could. But this pain was so necessary, the deepest ache in your chest that gripped with icy fingers and refused to let go--shattering or not, painful or not...the memories were yours, and you wanted to keep them. You owed this to yourself, to Vergil, and especially to Nero. There were so many things you wanted to say to your son, and those things needed to happen above all else. 

There was a pause of silence between you all while the Outsider froze in place, seeming lost in thought as his endless gaze seemed to bore into your own. The only thing that broke the tense air was the howling winds from all around, even the moaning chorus of suffering voices seeming to quiet as they waited for the Outsider’s choice. If he decided against you, there would be a fight that could not be won, a fight that would more than likely end with you shattering from the stress already on your body. That was a risk the Outsider couldn’t afford to take, even with all the powers he held over you. The deep burn of foresight, icy veins of the Void’s magic as it traveled through your body--every breath was given to you by this ancient being, every bit of life you now carried each and every day. Without him, you would have never met Vergil, and for that you would always be grateful. 

The Outsider did not move for a very long time, only leaning back after his black eyes finally blinked at you. His hands slowly lowered from your form, falling back limply to his sides as he looked away, something akin to regret flashing across his face.  Exhaustion and acceptance followed like close companions, his eyes so very tired as the man rose to his feet, leaving you kneeling on the floor before him with a pleading expression on your face. For a moment, he could only stare down at you with more sorrow than one creature should carry, the chilled winds of the Void making his hair blow wildly in several directions. He looked more ancient than ever, the years spent in this wretched place more than showing on a face that was far too young to look so lost. The Outsider stared at you as if prepared to lose you forever, and that was the moment you realized he had finally made his choice.

“...I only wanted to keep you safe,” He spoke so softly, tone feather-light and echoing through the space as if he had screamed it out to the chorus of the Void. He rested one shaking hand upon your hair, eyes closing as his voice became ragged and somehow even softer, “I did not wish...to see you end.”

You nodded once, fresh tears dripping from your black eyes and onto the debris underneath you. The pain of his betrayal, every place you had traveled to, the lost memories and empty dreams...He didn’t know what else to do to keep you from shattering, fueled by desperation and that cruelty he knew so well. You didn’t want to hold onto it any more, these deep feelings of anger and regret that threatened so strongly to overtake you. They were nothing more than a burden now, and inexcusable weight that clung to your shoulders with sharp, unyielding claws. They had been your companions for far too long, and now...now they needed to leave.

You gripped the Outsider’s wrist tenderly with both hands, turning his palm over so you could press a kiss to it. He sucked in a sharp breath at the action, listening quietly as you replied in that hoarse, ragged tone, “I know...and I will be safe...I will,” Your black eyes raised, the color finally slipping back into your normal tone, the whites returning and glistening with tears, “Let me remember the people I love.”

You could see the lingering hesitation even as the Outsider pulled his hand away, eyes downcast and body stepping back toward the precipice. His gaze lingered for a moment on the form of Vergil, seeing the way he looked at you in absolute agony, the tears slipping down the sharp line of his jaw and the shattered expression in his eyes. There was remaining resentment there in those obsidian orbs, but he clenched his jaw and said nothing to the Son of Sparda. If you had to guess, the Deity knew that the only words that could get through the half-breed’s thick skull would have to be yours, and he wasn’t about to interfere with that again. So he paused only to look back at you again, face slipping back into his usual, neutral expression before you watched him disappear into a cloud of obsidian crystal shards without another word. You could understand that he needed time again, needed to process everything before addressing it again. 

He didn’t take away the gifts he had given you, at the very least. But the burn of Foresight was now gone, leaving only the familiar chill of the Void as it seeped through your limbs. For a minute you could only wheeze, trying to get the chaotic storm of emotions in check and feeling Vergil’s gaze linger on you with its familiar intensity. There were so many things between you now since the trials, since you attacked him in the Qliphoth. Those memories from Fortuna, of your first love and traveling together around the city--they mingled with every terrible, unspeakable event that took place after, all the terror and suffering that threatened to cloud out all the wonderful things. At the forefront was the guilt, the aching regret about what happened to Nero, of leaving him on the orphanage steps. It tore you up inside like razor blades, so very painful and absolutely unyielding. 

You slowly rose to your feet, turning towards the Son of Sparda with small steps and watching as his gaze lowered toward the ground. He didn’t dare look up at you as you approached, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths and hands shaking at his side. Vergil had never looked this way to you before, so lost and filled with absolute emotion. It reminded you of how V had acted in the Qliphoth tree, the desperate pleas and the guilty torment of knowing that he would have to leave you at the end of his mission. God, you were so grateful for getting a chance to know that side of him, to love his human half in its entirety before it eventually returned. Those moments were so precious, to witness the vulnerable things he tucked away behind all that anger and pride...All Vergil had wanted was someone to save him, to be loved and cherished like any other person wanted too. And you had more than enough love to give, leaving no room for anger or grudges left behind from past mistakes.

When he spoke, his voice came out low and hoarse, its tone and cadence barely managing to whisper over the Void’s howl, “Why...Why did you choose to remember? He...He could have made you happy, could have given you back the man who knew how to cherish you. But you...you…”

You ignored the question, sliding both hands through his slicked back, white hair and lingering there for a few moments while he breathed faster. Tension was there in his trembling shoulders, in the way those icy blue eyes stared down at the ground and refused to look away. You could feel it now, those walls he kept up for so long bending under the weight of regret, of truth and long desired affections. What point was there in fighting things now? At the end of the day he could no longer hide what he wanted anymore, could no longer hide behind the shield of indifference or spite. All that could possibly remain now was guilt and regret, of self loathing that had seeded itself deep inside since the moment his mother had died. Vergil had so many reasons to hate himself, for things that weren’t even his fault, and for things that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was leaving those mistakes behind, remembering the good things and striving to do better.

He had that ability inside of him, you knew he did. The ability to change, to atone for his sins. 

“Why?” Vergil continued to ask, breathing growing more and more ragged as you lowered yourself in front of his hunched form, both hands cupping his chilled cheeks and forcing his tormented gaze to rise up to meet you. There was agony in its depths, denial and confusion that made your heart ache so terribly, “All I’ve ever done is hurt you…! I...hurt everyone, took from everyone--V could have given you everything you wanted, without the things that make me who I am.”

You rested your forehead against his, tears forming on your lashes like dew drops and dripping in crystalline droplets onto his thighs. You could feel it when his breath hitched again, sounding like he tried so hard not to cry.

“...We don’t have to hurt anymore,” You whispered, voice soft and just as ragged as his own. Both hands rested on his chest, smoothing over the lines of his vest and feeling his heart race through the fabric, “That man who made me so happy is a part of you, Vergil...It was that same part of you that brought me so much happiness in Fortuna, that you buried under the fear of vulnerability. You made mistakes, we both did...All I want now is to move on from them, to be happy with you, with Nero--we owe that to him after all he’s endured.”

You felt his jaw clench at the mention of Nero, knowing exactly what went through his head. Your child, shivering in the cold and wailing for parents who were both gone, a little boy growing up thinking that he had no family, that they  abandoned him without a second thought--then as an adult, having his arm ripped off by the man he learns to be his father, left bleeding on the garage floor in pain. Years and years of not knowing, of aching to learn who his family was, then one strolls in and literally takes a whole limb. The agony that must have caused, and now...now there was still more to learn, the truth hovering so close and the boy didn’t even know it. All those things had been mistakes, yes, but it was Vergil who had to own up to them, who had to learn and try to do better. And that had to be the hardest part, to learn from one’s mistakes and not sink into the pit of self-loathing to cope. 

You let out a slow breath, trying to gather your words through the storm of guilt and emotions that still carried from the regained memories. Each breath felt like ice, words coming out hoarse yet firm as you told the son of Sparda, “You...You have to let those things go, Vergil, you have to talk to your son...Please...please. Please don’t leave us again, learn from what has happened and do better.”

We both can do better. For all of us.

You heard him swallow audibly, hands clenched into fists at his side as Vergil fought every ounce of instinct he had built up over the years. To hide his emotions away, to swallow them down and feel nothing but resentment and anger like it would somehow protect him. Self loathing was at its core, the final wall of his defenses once everything was gone. At the end of the day you knew that Vergil needed to learn how to be happy, to live with the things he had done and make reparations for them as best he could. Protecting others, doing things for the sake of good and not greed...those parts of him were real and tangible, you had held them in your arms once, kissed them with tender lips. They had been true and filled with so much emotion, and they wouldn’t just go away at a swipe of the Yamato.

Vergil finally looked up to meet your gaze, the faintest hint of tears clinging to his grey lashes as you swiped them away with your thumb. It was still so odd to see so much emotion on his face, torment obvious and out in the open.

“...How can you still love me after all of that?” He whispered incredulously at the look you wore, one of deep adoring and exhaustion as you continued to cup his cheeks, “I...I don’t understand. I don’t deserve it.”

His words made your heart ache terribly, thudding away in your chest like a caged bird trying to be free. Vergil’s was pounding too, closer to hard fists on steel walls of a person trying so desperately to escape a deep agony.  

You stared into his eyes as steadily as you could, voice coming out soft and reassuring as you explained, “Because love isn’t about deserving it or not, it’s about feeling emotion... and acknowledging it without running away,” You reached down, threading your fingers with the trembling digits of his own and giving a light squeeze, “Vergil Sparda is meant to be mine, and I don’t want anything else but that...I want to be with the one I was made for, and...that person is you.”

You broke me, and I broke you...I think we’re done breaking each other, aren’t we?

All that was left was to pick up the pieces.

You were shocked when Vergil’s arms pulled you against him hard, wrapped around your waist and squeezing as he buried his face against your shoulder. You could feel his ever breath, hear it rattle and shake with rasping sobs that had ached so desperately to be free this whole time. God, it felt good to finally be held by him again, every precious memory returned and emotions so very raw. You could feel them now, everything he had bottled up inside pouring out like water from a shattered glass. How it must have felt to finally acknowledge so many years of repressed emotion, to embrace someone without the heavy shackles of pride or hesitation. You embraced him back with accepting arms, eyes squeezing shut at the relief that came with being with the one you loved again. Whole and complete, just as tender as when he was V yet somehow more bittersweet. 

This was everything you had craved without even knowing it. 

You pressed kiss after kiss to his neck and shoulder, breaths slowing and the hollow ache in your heart finally fading at his touch. He was so strong, body holding fast against yours and the lines of it so very familiar. The storm inside was familiar too, you an anchor for the son of Sparda when he needed it most. 

“...I…” Vergil whispered after some time, voice low and hesitant as he swallowed back some of his emotion. You could feel his arms squeeze tighter, face pressed to your neck as he admitted, “I...I love you...Even back then, when I left, you...I thought about you the entire time I was on the ferry, yet I just...just…”

Forgot. That was the Outsider’s doing, wiping Vergil’s memory so that when you returned he could be punished without any complications. You let out a soft breath, leaning back to touch your forehead to his once again just as the portal started forming underneath you--crystalline hands curled upwards, gently wrapping around your forms as the Void’s hollow wailing grew louder and louder. As if saying goodbye, crying out in mourning for something that it felt like it was losing. Even if he wasn’t visible, you could feel the Outsider watching you both, his trepidation like a tangible force that filled the empty skies of the Void like thick, hovering storm clouds. He was afraid for you, he was lonely and alone. But you would not be leaving for good--even with the dark memories it carried, the empty blackness was a part of you, and so was the black-eyed God who resided there. You would return again someday, after having a chance to heal.

“I know,” You whispered to Vergil, feeling the Void’s howl ringing sharply in your ears as it started to fall away, “It’s over now, that pain is over. Let’s go home, and see our son.”

~~~

~Four Months Later~

You could tell it was still in the early hours of the morning, the sun barely peeking through the curtains of your bedroom in orange, pink colored hues. Warm--everything felt warm now, safe and comforting as you had sought for so long. More than anything, things felt correct, like every missing piece of your puzzle had finally fallen into place. Absolute in its entirety, perfected in its security. The way light air billowed through the windows, making curtains drift in a slow dance of dark blue fabric in the direction of your bed--Vergil’s arm wrapped around your form, his steady heartbeat under your ear and the warmth he shared with your body. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt peace like this, a rightness that seemed to fill up your form like honeyed milk and bringing with it a sleepy peacefulness that made it incredibly difficult to rise for the day. Then again, you were a better morning person than the son of Sparda, who would no doubt awaken surly and annoyed as he usually did.

So many things had happened in the past few months since you returned from the Void, so many things and so many emotions to work through. You had fallen onto the sand with Vergil by your side, Nero and the others rushing out to meet you in relief and worry at the way you both looked--even more so when you collapsed upon the white haired boy and sobbed, refusing to let go as apology after apology had burst from your lips. Eventually Vergil was able to coax you into letting go, and then...well, you had to tell Nero everything. Every regained memory, every terrible tragedy and all the things you so desperately wanted to say sorry for. He had to know how much he was loved, that you so terribly wanted to stay with him but circumstances never allowed. He listened to it all in wide eyed shock, but you had the feeling that he could sense for a long time that there was something that tied you both together, something neither of you could understand until now.

You were telling the truth, and he couldn’t very well deny that. His best friend had been his mother all along, and that was a lot to take in. He was struggling with the knowledge, but not as much as the fact that he wasn’t abandoned for being a half demon, that his mother went through so much terrible tragedy and died on the steps of Fortuna’s orphanage. All those years of searching and filling himself with questions and resentment, all of it for nothing. His mother had come back eventually, and that whole time he thought himself the older one, like he was meant to protect her like a little sister. Things had become such a mess, weaved together in chaotic knots that took a solid hour to weave with Kyrie there to support Nero while he absorbed it all. You were shocked to see that this info was somehow a relief to him, and even more so when he embraced you like a mother as if it was somehow the easiest thing in the world...like he had wanted nothing more. 

Mind you, Nico was in absolute shock about all of this--she kept staring in slack jawed awed at you and Vergil, unable to wrap her head around any of it. You, one of her closest friends, had given birth to a punk like Nero? How the hell was such a thing supposed to make sense?

Naturally, the very next thing Nero did was punch Vergil square in the jaw.

Both you and Dante had to hold the hot-tempered devil hunter back as he shouted curses at his father, railing into him for everything he had done to you and all the pain he caused. All his childhood questioning, all the pain--if Vergil hadn’t been such a dick so much suffering could have been avoided. You protested in between that things were fine, that it was in the past, but the son of Sparda didn’t say a word, didn’t fight back for once. Her merely sat on the ground where he had landed after the blow, rubbing his jaw with one hand and staring blankly at the ground. He was trying so hard, you could tell--sorrow lingered in the depths of his icy blue eyes, mingling with self-loathing as Nero reiterated back all the terrible things he had done and what a terrible person it made him. You wanted to stop him, but...Nero deserved to speak his mind, and Vergil had reparations to make.

After some firm discussions on the matter, you and Vergil agreed that it would be best to stay at Devil May Cry while things settled down, to find an outlet for the son of Sparda that would actually let him help people. Kyrie and Nico were both disappointed that you’d be moving, as were the children, but...right now was a sensitive time for Vergil, one where you were too nervous to let him be around things that would only make him feel worse. Until his head was sorted out, Fortuna was too much of a terrible memory for you both to literally live in the location of, and staying at Devil May Cry would be for the best until that was sorted out.

Regardless, the next few months passed somewhat peacefully. You and Vergil joined Devil May Cry, and set about fixing Redgrave City and rescuing any survivors still trapped inside. There were buildings to be fixed, roads that needed repairing, and broken families that needed to come back together. You knew this would be hard on Vergil too, but it was absolutely necessary that he try to make up for all the terrible things he had done. Every life taken in his pursuit of power would weigh on him for a while, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon, but...this did help. It was a while before the son of Sparda wasn’t listless anymore, that you could get more emotion from him that wasn’t guilt or regret. Mind you, Dante being irritating did help with that, but even he was worried the first few months when he would taunt Vergil and get nothing but sadness from his brother.

The surly man had been through too much trauma, seen too much. Having you by his side was his only anchor for a long time.

Which led back to present day, you wrapping a leg around his waist and letting out a heavy sigh of impatience when Vergil still slept soundly. You would think that someone like him, all pride and silly rules, would be much better about getting up in the morning. Instead, he was somehow worse than Dante, all annoyed grunts and exhausted stares as he dragged himself downstairs for a cup of coffee or tea. At least Dante would come down sleepy but cheerful, usually around noon or one o'clock in search of day old pizza. You knew trying to wake the son of Sparda up would not be an easy task, but you knew that there would be missions today that needed preparations--Nero and Nico would be joining you, after all, and there was nothing more exciting than the idea of spending time with your son.

You hummed softly, slowly rising from where you lay against his side and sitting up on Vergil’s lap with mischief in your gaze. It was surprising--he had taken months to get used to sleeping next to you without jolting awake in defensive positions, and even longer to get used to you touching him. So the fact that you could now settle your entire weight on his waist and place your hands on his chest was a pleasant show of how far he had come. Christ, he was such a beautiful man--those grey lashes were resting against his cheeks, face peaceful and calm in rest with messy hair and kissable lips. You could have stared at the hard line of his jaw for hours, wanting nothing more than to nibble it with your teeth and smooch for hours on end. Such a hard urge to resist, especially considering that he definitely should have been awake right now to start getting ready.

He stirred a little bit when you leaned forward, kissing a slow line from his shoulders and neck to that jaw you had been admiring so much. He was so very warm, and hard by the feeling of him pressing against your ass. It would be fairly hard to stay asleep with you rubbing on him like that, worshiping his chest with your mouth and hands while he stirred just a little bit more. There was no denying that low, rumbling hum of sound that came from his chest, peaceful expression shifting into something far grumpier as he stretched out under your hips. Reminiscent of a mighty panther waking with a low growl, eyes still not opening even as you leaned your face against his neck and gently bit where a vein pulsed steadily under the skin. 

You weren’t surprised by the low rumble of his voice under your ear, sounding incredibly tired and slightly grumpy as he groused, “I thought you agreed only to awaken me early for emergencies, brat.”

There had been some sort of agreement--but you were a little too distracted to remember it, tongue sliding up his warmed skin with a soft purr of, “But it is an emergency, my heart...I’ll simply perish without your help.”

You were being a bit cheeky this morning, feeling a surge of mischief and glee when his hips couldn’t help but shift slightly underneath yours. That pressure had to be a bit constricting on his cock right about now, but you weren’t getting much of a reaction out of him yet--he never did fall for your dramatic claims.

“Oh?” Vergil murmured, eyes still not opening as you bit down on his left earlobe, heartbeat quickening in your chest as he continued on, “Will you now? You certainly have a lot of energy for someone close to perishing.”

That last word turned into a bit of a grunt when you purposely rubbed yourself against his cock, feeling its hard length shift and squeeze between your bodies. To be honest, this was probably doing you in more than him, that firm pressure on your clit making you moan breathily and lean against his form like a cat in heat. Your panties did nothing to sully the friction, arousal making its home in your abdomen and pooling warmth down into your core like melting honey. Vergil was certainly able to catch your mood, letting out an amused rumble of sound when you breathed heavily against his neck, rutting against his cock again with absolutely no shame. Honestly, a past version of you might have been embarrassed to act like this, especially with someone as prideful as the Son of Sparda. But you well enough by this point that he wasn’t phased by your unabashed desire--rather he enjoyed when you gave him this kind of attention, like it stroked his ego.

It definitely did. 

“Vergil…” You whined, wrapping both arms around his neck and pressing your entire body against his when he purposely tilted his head to the side as if feigning sleep, “Don’t be mean--I let you sleep longer today that I did yesterday.”

He chuckled lightly at that, finally cracking one eye open to stare at you in his typical, superior sort of way. Honestly, you were a bit dazed for a moment at how handsome he was, white hair a tousled mess on his pillow and lips curving into a bemused little smirk at the desperate expression on your face. Vergil had a special way of looking absolutely, arrogantly smug, especially when he knew how badly you wanted it. But he was also weak to your pleading, and even more so with you all over him and looking so very tempting in just a tank top and some panties--he’d be a foolish man to refuse you in even the most dire situations, although he had to get his fun in somewhere.

The half-demon clicked his tongue, head tilting back and eyes closing again as he replied to you in a purposely sleepy tone, “Maybe you should ask me nicely, doll, and I’ll think about indulging you.”

You bit your lip, knowing full well he wasn’t about to walk around aroused for the better part of the morning, especially not with work to do and especially not while meeting with your son. But it would be silly of you to call him on that bluff, especially since he was prideful enough to prove you wrong just for the hell of it. And quite frankly, you’d lose out far more than him with such a foolish game.

A sigh left your lips, body falling limply against his in a show of defeat, “...Please?” You murmured softly, chin resting on his chest as you stared at him imploringly, “Please, Vergil?” 

His smirk widened at that, showing his pearly white teeth in accompaniment with his equally smug reply, “You could always try calling me ‘sir’ just to sweeten it a bit, brat.”

“Now you’re just pushing it.”

It warmed you thoroughly when your huffed reply made the half-breed laugh, the sound sleepy and smooth as he finally yielded and wrapped both arms around your form. It felt so good to be held by him, your body made to fit against the hard lines of his own. the sensation only grew deeper when he rolled over to press you into the bed, mouth catching your lips in a deep kiss and hands holding him up on either side of your head. Whatever grumpiness that plagued him upon waking faded away with your tongue stroking over his, breaths mingly and hips pressed against each other in a slow grind. You’d be hard pressed to miss his desire now, especially with him rutting it against your wet heat in those slow, deep presses that made your breath catch in desperation. Christ, you were needy--and he absolutely adored that about you, wanted to indulge every chance he got, even if it meant teasing you a bit first.

You were panting when his mouth slipped to your jaw, a growl in his throat while he kissed a line down to your chest and lingered there for a moment. You practically trembled when one hand tugged up your tank top, those kissable lips latching onto one nipple and making your hips rise at the slow, purposeful suction he gave. Christ, his tongue...he was merciless this morning, absolutely ruthless. The half breed swirled the wet appendage over the sensitive bud in his mouth, making you whimper and fist his hair with both hands. So sensitive in the morning, becoming a writhing mess under his ministrations in a matter of seconds. He let out a satisfied hum, blue eyes looking up at you from under his lashes as he released your breast with a hollow pop, moving onto the next.

You were already drenched by that point, anymore foreplay absolutely not needed, but that wasn’t stopping Vergil. He would willingly draw this out hours if you had it, bringing you to the edge of orgasm over and over again without satisfaction, until you were sobbing with need. And then he would be the opposite other days, literally making you come over and over until you were begging to stop, until the overstimulation was too much. Unfortunately, today offered very little time with all the plans in mind, so he could only get his fun in short intervals. Honestly, you could have taken two of him with how aroused just the morning wanting had made you, and that was plainly obvious when the half-breed tugged your panties down your legs, tossing them to somewhere in your room.

You practically sobbed with need as he plunged his fingers into your sheath, the slide easy and wet as he tested your resistance, finding absolutely none. Your toes curled into the bed sheets, head tilted back as he kissed along your neck and jaw with those fingers working below. Curling inside, searching for any sweet points and making slick, lewd sounds with every thrust. You could only squirm, at his mercy and trembling with a building orgasm in your lower half. God, why were you always so sensitive? He had just barely started and you felt already inches away from coming on his fingers, hips rising to meet him as a desperate moan left your parted lips. No wonder he could overstimulate you so god damn easily--without edging you would just orgasm easily without much work at all.

“Ahhh...ahhh...g-god, please--” You whimpered against his neck, hips rolling against his hand as you squeezed your eyes shut, “Vergil...Vergil I’m so--”

“Already?” The son of Sparda murmured, stilling his fingers and chuckling at that half-choked sound of desperation you made in response, “I thought you were made of sterner stuff than that, doll.”

You weren’t really in the mood to be prideful today, his teasing barely registering with you as the feeling of that orgasm started to dull. It was so very disappointing when his digits left your throbbing insides, a trail of slick following them as proof of your arousal. That might have been a bit embarrassing if you had any shame left, but that wasn’t really the case after everything you had been through with this man. The son of Sparda seemed pleased, icy blue eyes lingering on his fingers before drawing them into his mouth, tasting your essence as he leaned back to gaze over your form with a hint of adoration in their depths. The way Vergil looked at you, lingering on each scar and left over wound from battles past...it made you heart only ache more, body desperate for his affections and warming further as you stared back with a pleading expression of your own.

 Luckily enough for you, Vergil seemed to be far more merciful today, placing both hands on your thighs and pushing them back and apart. You bit your lip, knees up to your chest and held there right where your legs bent with his strong hands. So exposed, spread nicely for him and ready to be taken. The half-breed gave you a look that told you not to move your limbs in the slightest, letting go so he could pull down the thin, cotton dress pants hiding his length from your eyes. You could have moaned when the hard appendage slipped free, precum already beading on the tip smeared away by his thumb and looking so damn perfect for you and you alone. God, he was beautiful everywhere, cock lengthy enough to press deep inside and thick enough to spread you without hurting too much. And with how aroused you were, it would be absolutely painless, your body practically aching to suck him inside and feel each stroke along your inner walls. 

Vergil didn’t seem keen on waiting any longer either, pressing the tip against your folds and sucking in a breath as he stroked over your clit for a few seconds, just savoring the wet warmth. You were trembling, toes curling with anticipation and heart pounding quickly in your chest when he finally pressed it against your throbbing entrance, Vergil gritting his teeth at the way your body molded around his length. A perfect fit, his cock slipping easily inside and buried deep in a matter of seconds. Your eyes rolled back a bit in your skull at the feeling of his tip brushing your cervix, filling you up entirely and leaving not a single inch that wasn’t being touch by him. You had no doubt that he could feel your every breath, every shift of muscle as you fought the urge to rut against him as the desperation grew higher.

“G-god, please…” You whimpered, shuddering when he leaned over your form and pressed both hands to your legs again to press them back. The movement shifted his cock inside, burying it just a bit deeper and making you gulp in a quick breath of air, “F-fuck...fuck…”

“So crass, my doll,” Vergil hissed, voice breathless as he leaned down to nip at your neck again, “You’re absolutely drenched...you must have really worked yourself up this morning.”

That was certainly an understatement. When he slid his cock out of your throbbing sheath it was a wet slide, plunging back in with a wet sound that seemed overly loud in the quiet of your bedroom. A choked whimper left your lips at the pace he began to set, wasting no time in being gentle with you with how obviously you wanted it. Your hands blindly reached for him in the mess of sensations scattering your thoughts, one wrapped around his neck and the other burying itself in his hair as your lips pressed hard together in the next instant. Vergil always kissed you the same way when you made love, like he was starving and you were the first meal he was allowed in so many years. You could only hang on as his cock plunged in and out below, roughly pressing your hips into the bed as each breath mingled desperately between your molding lips and tongues. Desperate, mindless, both seeking pleasure from each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

And it was. Vergil felt like home, felt correct in the best way possible. Body to body, legs wrapping around his waist now as he fucked you into the mattress--one hand cupped your warming cheeks, the other bracing himself upwards so he didn’t crush you with his weight. Each soft sound of pleasure that came from his lips was like music, panting gasps or subdued moans that strained with each thrust into your sheath. You loved looking at his face, seeing him come undone with pleasure and lose all composure as he shared his body with you, became vulnerable with you.

You were so close now, his hips grinding against your clit with each thrust. It was quite the sensation, feeling his  cock bumping your cervix every time he buried himself deep inside and feeling so very filled to the brim. The growing orgasm was coming much faster than you thought it would, your body still just as sensitive and absolutely trembling as it pushed for that pleasure like your life depended on it. Christ, how would you be able to work after this? He was so easily making a mess out of you, and something about that was absolutely tantalizing. Not that he was any better--you could already tell he was getting close too, the son of Sparda burying his face against your neck and body tense as he ground himself inside of you with a desperation that was starting to match your own.

“Y/N...fuck…” He hissed, voice low and breathless as he pressed his mouth to your skin, words slightly muffled as he moaned, “You feel so good, I can’t--fuck--”

You couldn’t even form a reply other than a wordless moan of your own, head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm started to crest. It throbbed through your insides, hips jolting upwards as a half sobbed cry of release left your lips and your body clenched around him like a vise. The half-breed grit his teeth, the tightening around his cock sending him to his own peak shortly after. His hips stuttered in their thrusts, a hoarse groan muffled against your skin as he buried himself deep to fill you up with his load. You could have melted at the feeling of him spilling inside, body going limp with satisfaction and toes curling into the mattress as you rode out the storm of pleasant sensations. Warm, thick, and so very deep--making love to him felt so perfect, and getting to have him again and again was more than you ever thought you’d be allowed. Bad memories, pain, suffering...they couldn’t have been further from you both at that moment, quietly coming down from your orgasms in the safety of your bedroom.

You don’t know how much time passed with you there, Vergil’s body pressed to your own but careful not to crush you with his weight. The throb of pleasure was quieting now into a warm glow, limbs limp and body deliciously spent as you let out a soft, contented sigh. An ideal way to spend your day involved staying like this with him for hours, maybe longer, and getting to enjoy each other as much as you wanted. That wasn’t likely today, but it still felt nice to lie there for a few moments, sharing warmth and listening to both heartbeats slow to something far more tame. Your fingers idly traced patterns on his relaxing back muscles, your other hand in his hair and gently stroking the slightly damp locks out of his face. You could feel him melt under your touch, breathing evening out considerably and eyes closing as he savored the comfort of your affections for just a bit longer.

He never wanted to stop feeling them. And neither did you.

You expected him to pull back as he always did, to kiss you on the lips and remark upon how you should probably start getting ready. Instead, you were surprised when he let out a soft breath, tone low and uncharacteristically gentle as he wrapped both arms around your spent form.

“I love you,” He murmured, stroking one hand up into your hair and pressing a tender kiss to your jaw, “Thank you...for loving me, for...choosing me.”

Your breath caught at his words, that familiar pang of emotions squeezing your heart as you recognized the vulnerability and hesitation in his tone. Even after four months, you could feel how each past mistake weighed upon the son of Sparda, making him feel undeserving of you, undeserving of anything. No doubt Nero’s constant reminders weren’t helping with that, nor did the Outsider’s trials all that time ago. You wished that there was more that could be done to ease his pain, but knew that the only way that he could change for the better was to embrace the mistakes and do better in the future. He was, after all, half human.

So you wrapped both arms around his neck, heart beating faster in your chest as you pressed your face to his silvery-white hair and smiled softly, voice absolutely truthful in your reply to the son of Sparda.

“I love you too--and I will always choose you.”

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[13gatonegro13-blog]

Final Fantasy VII: "Ideal" vs "Real"

First of all, English is not my mother language, any suggestions or corrections are welcome, I want to learn. 

Second, this is just for entertainment purposes. I have a little free time and I want to distract myself from work. This it is merely theoretical

Third, if you disagree with something here, you can approach me in a kind way/ or feel free to ignore me.

Now… I don't know much about Body language so I won’t relate actual scenes here, but what I do know is about writing, I have a degree in Literature that includes, Audiovisual Media Script and Discursive Analysis. With that said, I want to proceed to develop certain aspects of FF7 story using a symbolic approach.

Let’s begging in the fact that one of the most common resources to convey real feelings in a story, for readers/viewers, is to take reference in personal feelings or seek inspiration in other people. Without this, representing a feeling successfully would be extremely difficult and possibly the same result will be superficial. FF7 not only takes inspiration in real emotions but also gives them preference over other feelings. With that clear, let’s start off the assumption that the entire plot of FF7 pushes us to meet and cherish reality. This is mostly represented in the REAL being hidden in the protagonist, but also in the events around him, including dreams and aspirations of other characters, to obtain one of the most basic emotional conflicts: "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans”.

The story is about finding ourselves and what we want. This is why the concept of "Reunion" becomes a pivotal element throughout the entire plot. The path we walk shapes us and shows us the truth, finding parts of ourselves, and losing others. Yes, is about what happens when we lose someone we love, but not only in a tragic way but in the aftermath: How these losses are also part of us and help us to discover and reconnect with our true selves and with people around us at the moment we live, is about forgiveness, second chances and to appreciate what we have, while we still have it. 

The story shows us different examples of how sometimes in the constant search for this “IDEAL”, we forget to live the present and value who we are and what we have: Sephiroth, was this great soldier loved and respected by everyone, but he abandoned all this, in his ambition to become a god, while Shinra, is this company with a dream, of bringing the promised land to earth, even though in search of that dream, they were destroying the world that will become this Paradise; even Avalanche tried to save people from living in a land without future, in their path affecting the people they wanted to save. Although their actions seems to be justified, but that's another subject. There are more examples of this kind of behavior, but now we will focus on Cloud:

Cloud left his hometown to become worthy in the eyes of others and the girl he always wanted, but more importantly to become worthy in his own eyes. Tifa didn't believe he wasn’t good enough; it was he who didn't feel good enough for her. Cloud didn't appreciate himself enough to see what he already had, and in his quest to become this IDEAL man, he ended up losing everything, including himself. This is one of the reasons why Sephiroth is the main antagonist of the plot, he represents the ideal Cloud wanted to pursue, his dream was to be like him, and that’s the reason why Sephiroth moves in those instances around him, as something effusive and deceptive, that drags him away from that he loves, and from himself. He represents something unreal.

The meteor is one of the strongest symbols in the game. Everything that descends from the sky has a sacred implication, however in the simplest way; a meteor is a shooting star. The “shooting star” is the "idealization" the “illusion”, but in fact, a meteor is a visible passage of an incandescent rock breaking into pieces at the moment it contacts with Earth's atmosphere, that's all it is. So Sephiroth summoning a meteor to destroy the earth makes perfect sense. He is the representation of those false "ideals", what is "wrong" and false. This shooting star that holds dreams and aspirations, and was so beautiful and striking from afar, can be transformed into something violent, and a force capable of destroying everything we have and cherish. A wish is a driving force, for better or worse.

In another hand, shooting stars also represent change and spiritual destination, a reminder of connection with the universe. In one symbolic approach, stars are the representation of the union between soul and matter; so it's not weird that one of the strongest meanings of a shooting star besides luck and dreams is the rise and fall of a human soul. In certain cultures, the shooting stars represent a human soul that left the physical world, but is still connected to earth through the spiritual world, and seeing a shooting star is a sign that that person is still around looking for a way to land. So yes, it's also about landing and destination. Cloud being deceived and trap for his dreams, and later reuniting with his former being, mind, and body, and accepting himself, is the point of the whole story. He becoming REAL. 

And of course, the reality is different from dreams. In the real world, not everything is easy, not everything is happiness, he will feel pain, sorrow, and grief, love would be complicated, but it will be real. By this time he will know to value this reality the way it is, not the way he wanted it to be. This will not only lead him to face his fears, and realize his own worth. But also will lead him to face the pain of what he lost and eventually to heal.

I have read many people saying that Nojima's words: "Perhaps things would have gone well with Aerith" (comparing the relationship with Tifa) it's proof that if Aerith lived, Cloud would choose her instead of Tifa. But I must disagree with that, and to justify this, I want to leave any visual facts or personal toughs aside, and focus on what it works for the plot only and concerning the aforementioned. Although the author wanted to imply a kind of "ideal" in the relationship between Aerith and Cloud that doesn't mean she is the person for him for purposes of the story. Yes, perhaps with Aerith everything would be easier —but that's the tricky part here— in the REAL world, not always the person who is the "ideal" for us, is the one we want. Real love is not "easy", it's complicated and we must do our part to forge it, it doesn't come night to morning. Cloud choosing Aerith over Tifa would destroy all this wonderful work in the plot, it would be Cloud throwing the real love of a girl who always wanted him, and was his link between reality and his true self. And it's telling us, not only that the person he was before was not worthy of love, but also, that if you want to get "the good stuff" you have to give up to yourself and despise everything you already have, because “isn’t good enough”.

Nojima's complimentary words "But Aerith's responsibility is big" also could/seem to imply something about Aerith’s character, not as Cloud's love interest. Meaning that her "responsibility" is not the reason why she and Cloud cannot be together. Even if she and Cloud relation would be ideal, the role of Aerith in the story is more important.

In the plot, Aerith not only fulfills the role of being the last Cetra of the world, but she also has the function of showing other characters to appreciate what they have, at the moment they have it. In the end, Aerith is the protector of the real world, a flower that although fragile and perish is beautiful and attached to the earth, she saves the life in the world from the meteor, which symbolically represents something hard and alienated from ourselves, these desires Sephiroth transformed into something grotesque and harmful.  

But Aerith also represents herself something utopian, which although beautiful is not compatible with the real world completely. She represents hope, and eternal reunion in the Promised Land with those we lost, those we will lose, and love. And that’s the reason why she can’t stay in the real world either.

Even if Aerith lived, Cloud would still choose Tifa, for the simple reason that Tifa is the person he always wanted, the person he loves. Tifa is his redemption. It will be ups and downs because this time will be real; but it will be better, something intense and tangible, not something that only sleeps in his mind. He will get that by being himself, and by appreciating the person he really is. This will be his second chance and his TRUE opportunity of REAL happiness.

[amityfoxx]

Artes magicae

Musings on traditional occultism, worldview and magical arts. 

Artes magicae includes articles on folklore, magic, philosophy, traditional ethics, forgotten lore, mystery cults, the western tradition, witchcraft & osticism. > more by Rev. Dr. R.J. Thompson.

The fetch has been known and misunderstood under many guises that we as humans have ascribed to it. The following are just a few of our (mis)conceptions of this entity: The Holy Guardian Angel of Ceremonial Magick, The anima/us of C.G. Jung, the fylgja of Germanic lore, the personal god of Victor Anderson’s teachings, the spirit, the genius, the daemon, the double, the higher self of the new age and so on. So that I make myself clear the fetch, as I will continue to refer to it through the scope of traditional witchcraft and northern Germanic lore, is the true spirit of each person. 

I will go a step further into animism and state that each and every things that occur naturally must have a fetch of sorts. 

The fetch is the portion of the soul complex that truly lives on after we are no more. 

It is what truly carries word from life to life. As we have seen in the last chapter, the soul and the spirit must be different from each other, contrary to popular belief in the modern world. I also believe that many today that write on the fetch oversimplify what it truly is. The focus of much of the magical work that I have performed in my lifetime has been devoted to understanding the soul complex as it truly is, and in doing so I have come up with some similar, though sometimes decidedly different viewpoints on the functions and essences of these bodies.

The fetch is indeed the spirit, but it is just that a spirit. It is an entity separate from us, not merely our double or soul, as other works often claim. It is a spirit. We only exist because of it! The fetch is closer to the Truth of Godhead than we can ever be as human beings. It is a fragment of the “shattered” Godhead that can understand what it must do in order to restore the Godhead to wholeness. It is the guide that we must contact in order to fulfill the Great Work. It is our guardian, because it needs us to complete it’s work. It is everything to human life, indeed to life itself. In short, we need our fetch, but our fetch also needs us. Confused yet? Allow me to explain.

A magicians rite is personal--casting Expecto Patronus

The Patronus represents that which is hidden, unknown but necessary within the personality.

When a human confronted with inhumane evil, such as the Dementor, they must draw upon resources he or she may never have needed, and the Patronus is the awakened secret self that lies dormant until needed, but which must now be brought to light.

Patronuses take forms that their casters might not expect, for which they have never felt a particular affinity, or (in rare cases) even recognise.

Every Patronus is as unique as its creator and even identical twins have been known to produce very different Patronuses.

It is a general belief held by the wizarding world that only those who are pure of heart are able to cast Patronuses; this, however, is untrue, as several characters with negative personality traits are able to cast a fully-fledged Patronus.

Although generally Dark witches and wizards will not try to produce a Patronus, not having any need for one, most Dark wizards will be devoured by maggots coming from their wand and consuming the caster.

For this reason, Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters were not able to cast a Patronus Charm (not that it was necessary, as they already had the dark creatures under their control via their affinity to darkness, and would have no use for Patronuses).

However, some witches and wizards of questionable morals, such as Dolores Umbridge, are able to produce corporeal Patronuses, with Umbridge doing so despite the fact that she was considered an evil person; her wearing of Salazar Slytherin's Locket, which was one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, was what enhanced her strength due to her evil affinity.

She was able to produce a corporeal Patronus due to the enhanced strength. Conversely, Draco Malfoy was unable to cast one despite his waning evil. Severus Snape is the only Death Eater capable of casting the charm, his love for Lily Evans being his redeeming point. 

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Some content in this article is derived from information featured in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and, as such, spoilers will be present.

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GSnitch

Patronus Charm

Incantation

Expecto Patronum[1]

(ex-PEK-toh pa-TRO-num)[2]

Type

Charm[1]

Hand movement

Expecto Patronum movement

Light

Silver[1]

Effect

Conjures a spirit guardian[3]

[Source]

"This ancient and mysterious charm conjures a magical guardian, a projection of all your most positive feelings. The Patronus Charm is difficult, and many witches and wizards are unable to produce a full, corporeal Patronus, a guardian which generally takes the shape of the animal with whom they share the deepest affinity. You may suspect, but you will never truly know what form your Patronus will take until you succeed in conjuring it." 

—Miranda Goshawk's overview of the Patronus Charm[src] 

The Patronus Charm (Expecto Patronum) is the most famous and one of the most powerful defensive charms known to wizardkind.[4] It is an immensely complicated and extremely difficult spell, that evokes a partially-tangible positive energy force known as a Patronus (pl. Patronuses[5]) or spirit guardian.[3] It is the primary protection against Dementors and Lethifolds, against which there are no other defence.

There are two types of Patronuses: corporeal which means a Patronus with a particular shape and form and uncorporeal Patronus. Uncorporeal Patronuses have no particular shape and do not protect against dementors the way corporeal Patronuses do. However, some wizards like Remus Lupin choose to cast uncorporeal Patronuses to hide their identity.

Contents[show]

History

"And out of the end of his wand burst, not a shapeless cloud of mist, but a blinding, dazzling, silver animal. He screwed up his eyes, trying to see what it was. It looked like a horse. It was galloping silently away from him, across the black surface of the lake. He saw it lower its head and charge at the swarming dementors.... " 

—Harry Potter's stag Patronus fending off hundreds of Dementors[src] 

It is evident from old woodcuts and scrolls that the Patronus Charm has been used since ancient times.[6] Therefore, it is unknown who created it, or when it was first invented.[6] The charm also has a long association with those fighting for lofty or noble causes (those able to produce corporeal Patronuses were often elected to high office within the Wizengamot and Ministry of Magic).[4]

According to legend one of the most famous Patronuses of all time was a lowly mouse, which belonged to a young wizard called Illyius.[7] Illyius cast the Patronus Charm when his village was being attacked by the Dark wizard Raczidian and his army of Dementors. Despite the mouse's diminutive size, it shone with a brilliant light, bringing the Dementors to a halt as it nimbly moved through the ranks of fleeing villagers.[8] Enraged, Raczidian decided to enter the fray himself, and tried to summon a Patronus to ward off Illyius's mouse. However, he failed to remember that only the pure of heart can produce a Patronus, and thus for the first time in history, it was revealed what happens when a competent, but unworthy wizard or witch attempts the spell. Maggots shot out of Raczidian's wand and quickly devoured him as they engulfed his entire body. The villagers hailed Illyius as a hero.[8]

Stag Patronus

Harry Potter's stag Patronus fends off hundreds of Dementors

Harry Potter took anti-dementor lessons in order to learn the advanced charm and so was one of the youngest to attempt this charm with actual results. During a Quidditch match against Ravenclaw in 1994 he cast his very first corporeal Patronus and again in June when he along with Hermione Granger and Sirius Black were being attacked by over a hundred Dementors, he cast a corporeal Patronus powerful enough to drive them all away.

In 1995, Harry cast the charm against a boggart that he thought was a dementor during the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. The following summer he came under attack by two Dementors and managed to drive them away with the charm, leading to him being put on trial for underage magic in an attempt to discredit him.

B5C27M1

Harry Potter teaching the members of the D.A. the charm

Harry also taught the members of Dumbledore's Army the charm and some were even successful in casting it.

The charm was used frequently to ward off dementors such as when the trio escaped from the Ministry of Magic after obtaining the Horcrux locket and during the Battle of Hogwarts. Severus Snape also conjured a Patronus to guide Harry to the hiding place of the Sword of Gryffindor.

The Order of the Phoenix would send out messages with their Patronuses such as Kingsley Shacklebolt and Arthur Weasley who in 1997 delivered warnings.

Nature

The Patronus represents that which is hidden, unknown but necessary within the personality.[4] When a human confronted with inhuman evil, such as the Dementor, they must draw upon resources he or she may never have needed, and the Patronus is the awakened secret self that lies dormant until needed, but which must now be brought to light.[4] Patronuses take forms that their casters might not expect, for which they have never felt a particular affinity, or (in rare cases) even recognise.[4] Every Patronus is as unique as its creator and even identical twins have been known to produce very different Patronuses.[4]

The unusual witches and wizards who produce a Patronus that takes the form of their favourite animal is an indicator of obsession or eccentricity.[4] Here is a wizard who may not be able to hide their essential self in common life, who may, indeed, parade tendencies that others might prefer to conceal.[4] Whatever the form of their Patronus, you would be well-advised to show respect, and occasionally caution, towards a witch or wizard who produces the Patronus of their choice.[4]

Casting

Harry Potter: "And how do you conjure it?" 

Remus Lupin: "With an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory." 

— Discussion on how to conjure a Patronus[src] 

Patronus2

Luna Lovegood casting her corporeal hare Patronus

The vast majority of witches and wizards are unable to produce any form of Patronus, and to create even an intangible one is generally considered a mark of superior magical ability. Rubeus Hagrid is an example of a wizard that cannot conjure any form of Patronus, as the charm is too difficult for him.

Given their long affinity with humans it is perhaps unsurprising that among the most common Patronuses when cast (although it must be remembered that any corporeal Patronus is highly unusual) are dogs, cats, and horses.

To successfully cast the spell, one begins by mustering the happiest memory they can think of (the happier the memory, the better the charm will work). Alternatively, one could imagine a scenario that would make for a very happy memory, as Harry did for his D.A.D.A. O.W.L. The next step is to begin drawing circles with their wand so as to increase the power of their spell. They must then say the incantation, Expecto Patronum; the Patronus will come from the tip of the wand and can be directed towards a target by pointing one's wand at said target. It is possible to disguise the form one's Patronus takes, which was done both by Severus Snape to hide his love for Lily Evans, and by Remus Lupin, who felt it would give away his condition.

Also some witches and wizards may be unable to produce a Patronus at all until they have undergone some kind of psychic shock.

Difficulty__

"That's very, very advanced magic." 

—The difficulty and complexity of the charm

The Patronus Charm is widely regarded as advanced magic, far beyond N.E.W.T.-level; in 1994 Remus Lupin stated that the charm was, in fact "ridiculously advanced".This charm was, indeed, so perilous, few wizards/witches could conjure up a true Patronus. It is very complex and many qualified wizards and witches have trouble with it. In fact, Harry Potter is one of the youngest known wizards able to cast a Patronus; he was taught how to do so in early 1994 at the age of thirteen by Remus Lupin. In a Dumbledore's Army lesson, Harry taught the members how to use the charm. Some were even successful in casting a corporeal form, though Harry said this might be because there was no Dementor to make them frightened.

However, three members were later able to cast corporeal Patronuses in the presence of Dementors. Being able to cast a patronus, whilst fighting Dementors or not, is not required to graduate from Hogwarts so it is something that is taught under special circumstances.

#5) Praxis of magic through history

Click here to edit this chapter. 

Sacred archaic rituals being held in honour and dedication of magic come in many forms. Divination has many forms and from the most ancient magical history books, almost every ancient culture through antiqity had methods of interpretating unpredictable outcomes determined by omens as rites.

Ritual as a practice is ancient itself, so much so it is a spiritual awakening. -650 B.C. - References to magic are abundant in the ancient Greek myths among the classical founding pagan cultures of Europe, connected to the neighbouring Egyptian and Persian ones. Often centered around women of divine origin, nymphs and priests, from Ariadne to Calypso, Circe to Medea, Hermes to Hecate, magic, divination and necromancy are widespread and intertwined with cthonic Gods and monsters, oracles and heroes.

50–300 A.D. - The Acetabularii performed the Cups and balls in ancient Rome using stones and small vinegar cups (hence the name Acetabularii). The Acetabularii are a group of magicians specializing on the cups and balls effect.

400–1000 - The Dark Ages; little is known about the history of magic, but much of it was associated with the occult and magic as entertainment is not prominent.

1000–1500 - The Middle Ages where much magic was associated with the occult and witchcraft. The growing trading nature of society allowed some street or circus performers to make a living out of old classics such as the cups and balls and in fact more modern ideas such as cheating by short changing via sleights with coins and other small objects.

, is reflective of Neo-Paganism, and makes use of much of the magical practices of Stregoneria but does not include elements of Catholic-based folk magic, which displaced the pre-Christian enchanted worldview in Italian culture.

Stregoneria is the modern word in Italian that is commonly translated into English as the word witchcraft. In the Italian dictionary—Vocabolario della Lingua (Nicola Zanichelli, 1970)—stregoneria is defined as a magical practice intended to produce harm or illness. The statement that stregoneria refers to a harmful magical practice is supported by ethnologist Elsa Guggino, who states that words related to stregoneria are always used disparagingly to describe someone practicing malevolent magic (Stregoneria: The "Old Religion" in Italy from Historical to Modern Times, by Marguerite Rigoglioso, 2000). This is also noted by scholar Gary R. Varner, in his book Charles G. Leland: The Man & the Myth, in which he states that the word strega (witch) is a disparaging term used to denote those who practice black magic, and that the term "maga" is used to denote those who practice white magic and healing.

Anthropologist Sabina Magliocco, in her article titled "Spells, Saints and Streghe: Folk Magic and Healing in Italy," remarks that "At one time, many villages had a number of folk healers who could cure a variety of illnesses, They ranged from those who cured with herbs, magic formulas and prayers to professional sorcerers who were called in serious cases of magical attack. In practice, however, these practitioners overlapped, since almost any illness could be judged to be the result of a magical working. Folk healers seldom referred to themselves as streghe (although their neighbors might call them such), but as fattuccchiere, "fixers," maghi (masculine plural; singular mago), maghe (feminine plural; sing. maga), "magic-workers."

In contrast to the academic and historical evidence some modern practitioners of Stregoneria claim that the term is an umbrella for the Folk Magic practices of Italy. The use of the word Stregoneria to describe Italian Folk Magic is common mostly among Italian-American practitioners. Practitioners of Folk Magic traditionally would usually be called something along the lines of fixers, healers, or those who help, but to be called a witch would be a direct insult. Virtually all practitioners would have considered themselves Roman Catholic and witches in Italian folklore and Roman Catholicism are traditionally connected to the devil.

Practices of Stregoneria include making Brevi, or charm bags, and healing the Malocchio Although Stregoneria does indeed make use of a variety of Catholic practices, due to the use of magic Stregoneria, unlike Benedicaria, tends to be more at odds with the teachings of the Catholic Church, blending Catholic and Pre-Christian traditions.

[sichore]

@teslalindocruz this is going to be v. rambly because it kinda ties into shipping and the mentality around that but uhh yeah re: arrancar and affection

I should start with the disclaimer that I feel most of my thoughts get disregarded because ppl tend to only like my Bleach thoughts when it has the barest mention of The Ship War, which I’m sick to death of. and if not that, because my main ship is one no one else likes, and due to that I feel the compulsion to even justify why I even like it, which leads to this.

I feel I’ve written a bit about this before but who knows where it’s scattered on my blog, between replies and personal writing and such. anyway, out of universe I know that thinking of arrancar being capable of any kind of affection, especially romantic, is very much a self-indulgent thing on behalf of whomever wants to see so-and-so together. so thinking about it in general has some suspension of belief, because clearly how the characters canonically feel doesn’t matter if we wanna see Grimmjow smooch whomever we choose.

Putting that aside, however, I think it’s a disservice to the characters to just wholly dismiss them as incapable of intricate emotion. The whole myth that they’re just heartless monsters is what perpetuates how they’re treated in the series and why we shouldn’t feel anything when they’re killed to further the story and show off various shikai and bankai due to fan demand (I’ve gone on enough about that, though). I feel once we got to the FKT battles, most had completely forgotten how the origin of Hollows, and how they’re tragic and pitiable, at their core.

granted, some of them do just go out of their way to be Terrible for selfish reasons, whether they’re acting out (Nnoitra, Grimmjow), or just because they can (Aaroniero, Szayel). And some just don’t feel anything at all and have never seen enough to convince them there’s more to whatever (Ulquiorra). I think the selfishness is the keyword here as I think that’s why Kubo labelled them as inherently evil; it’s mentioned in the interview section of Masked, which I don’t feel like pulling up atm, and I’m certain has to do with Japanese societal ideals which I can’t speak on re: the conception and his philosophy on why he calls them as such. but in-universe, we get more than one or two examples of them being capable of growth, and even affection and caring for others.

Nelliel is probably the best example, as she was always presented as noble... mostly. She has an undeniable amount of affection for Ichigo and her fracciónes and a popular (and very good!) idea is that this extends to Harribel and her own after the war. I feel like most forget that Nel’s most “typical arrancar” tendencies came out in her interactions with Nnoitra (I’m not saying she was mean to him; more that they were shitty to each other because that’s how arrancar are), and to a lesser extent how she was towards to Grimmjow and possibly her reasoning for rescuing Harribel. I’m not saying Nel’s actually Bad or anything, just that she’s both not just one-dimensional example of pure and good while also demonstrating that arrancar aren’t Just Evil.

usually it’s the female arrancar I think of first that exhibited these traits showing that they as a whole can be more. I really wish Harribel’s protectiveness towards her fracciónes had been brought up more, as that could have been a justifiable reason why she held back (didn’t want to drown them, for example), and why she finally let loose (when they were defeated, presumably killed). anyway, just saying that “the women are soft and good”can be seen as sexist, but Loly, Menoly and Cirucci defied that trope. and they weren’t the only ones.

Starrk and Lilynette were also ones who considered the company of their fellow arrancar more important than anything else, and while it was for inherently selfish reasons (loneliness and all) and they didn’t actually help everyone to not die, I think anyone could struggle to call them evil. Tesla, also, is another great example of being capable of affection, as his defining trait was his devotion to Nnoitra, despite his treatment. their relationship wasn’t ideal by any means for our standards, but for the types of beings they are, and how they were largely portrayed, Tesla could be seen as kind of a. idk, matyr? in his devotion to Nnoitra. (but you could tell me more about that, haha.) it’s more sad than admirable, but it was poignant.

and to a somewhat lesser extent than the above examples, we have Grimmjow and his fracciónes. themost we see out of Grimmjow is some semblance of sentimentality for how he carried the others with him after they let themselves be eaten, and how he was thinking of them during his fight with Ichigo. but that can be debatable as it can easily just have to do with his own ego and self-image. instead, the pertinent character here, for me, is Shawlong, which I have written about already. I think he’s the only arrancar explicitly stated to have loved something about another arrancar, unless I missed a keyword in Tesla’s data page. this can be seen largely as admiration, and more than likely have to do with the instinct of weaker Hollows to follow the stronger ones, as Cirucci extrapolates at one point. I feel Shawlong’s devotion was just as pertinent as Tesla’s, especially how he’s the one to instill the idea of Grimmjow being a king that Grimmjow himself adopts; I’m pretty sure this is overlooked because Shawlong isn’t hot to most people so he gets disregarded as an important relation to Grimmjow.

I also feel there’s something that could be said about why Zommari calls his resurreccíon’s ability Love, and why he defined it as having to do with control, but I’ll have to come back to that. I don’t have his speech committed to memory and while he obviously wasn’t talking about any kind of affectionate or romantic love, just the fact that he had even an idea of the concept is endlessly fascinating to me. and goes to show that what arrancar could define as affection or love would not be how we, as humans, would see it.

but it doesn’t mean they’re incapable.

(tangibly related, but I did ramble about all three arrancats and physical affection in this post.)

[hkomsul]

SPP_iteration_02

1. Project Statement

Working Project Title: Lexicon of Love?

What is your project about?

My project is about words. More specifically, my favorite words.  These words include, but are not limited to: catharsis, subsequently, tangible, iridescent, juxtaposition, wordly and otherworldly, ambiguous.

What are your project's theme(s) or conceptual underpinnings? I’d like to explore experimental digital anthropology with this project. Visceral, confusing, and grounding.

What is your project's "elevator pitch"? Think of a phrase or 1 sentence maximum.

I want to make a digital scavenger hunt, that consists of multiple projects of various mediums, and use their titles to tell stories about love.

What is your short, project description? Write a 200-300 word paragraph that addresses four of the five essential questions:

This project is my chance to finally create a digital body of work that represents all of my skills, as well as explores topics of contention for me. I’ve recently realized that I can combine the themes I’ve studied in my minors (anthropology/humanities) into the creative field of my digital media major. I want to make people, including myself, feel something. My target audience is other digital artists. This project is inspired greatly by net artists and the general idea of having a digital legacy. Some artists that inspired me directly are Jon Bois and Molly Soda, however each individual project within this project also has its own inspiration, of course. The how of this project is honestly still rocky. There will be at least one project to include in the project being made per week, the risk with this is falling behind.

2. Motivation:

I like the idea of my project, I really do. But theres some part of me that knows i already need to pivot. I’m doing this project because I want to create something in every medium I’ve learned (or as many as I can) within my time in undergrad. So ultimately, I’m doing this project for myself. I’m exploring my own capabilities and expressions of those capabilities. I’m holding myself accountable to actually create, and I’m forcing myself to tell a story (something I feel I struggle a lot with, unfortunately). This project is for my own growth and self-understanding. In terms of what I’m trying to convey outwardly, I want to be a random link on the internet that once/if you stumble upon, is a treat and an experience. I love confusing and almost ominous things on the internet. “how did you get here? who made you? why do i care?” and I want to create one of these experiences myself.

I am willing to commit to this project but I really think i need to pivot in my  presentation of the project in order to make sure I actually focus on the content and story.

3. Influences

As mentioned above I have various influences. Injury reserve, Lido, Jaden- these are sonic inspirations and influences. Susan Sontag, Anne Carson and Jenny Holzer are some conceptual influences. Jon Bois and Molly Soda are web/net art influences.

My inputs are my family life, my culture, my religion and perspective on my own religion. My inputs are my friendships, and the love that I experience in them. My inputs are failed and successful romantic relationships. My inputs are my experiences and struggles with mental health, specifically in relation to self love (in this case).

4. Target Audience

My target audience is other digital media artists, and potentially those looking to explore love. I want someone to see the page, understand that there are connections everywhere- i want to document my perception of love and share it. I want to open up a conversation within the viewers head. I think digital media artists are best to receive this story in through this multi-medium approach because the project itself plays into that realm.

5. Related Projects

http://wellnow.wtf/enter/index.html

this seemed like a doable example of layout maybe for final presentation

https://www.instagram.com/subwayhands/

https://projects.jennyholzer.com/exhibitions/jenny-holzer-mass-moca--/gallery#1

These related projects, although related, arent necessarily competitors. I’ve been having a difficult time finding competitors, I really think the closest I’ve come across is :https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football  and in comparison to mine, there are a lot of missing mediums.

I’ve also been thinking about incorporating some other platforms like making an instagram account to house certain projects

6. Resources:

My accountability group as well as the whole senior project class, classmates across different classes...as well as the IDM community as a whole.

the internet is a huge resource as well. there will be some material costs, but generally low. I am predicting $200 most for prints and shipping tools potentially, and under $100 for music production software.

softwares include: adobe creative cloud (which i already have), glitch softwares like EbSythth, and code applications. I also will be using a camera to record video aspects.

7.

GOAL (30 days) = have the whole project planned out and in the making

Milestone (today) = finish SPP iteration _01

Tasks: Complete remaining tasks and create calendar/set specific deadlines .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GOAL (30 days) = have material to work with while making the project

Milestone (today) =  send out google form!!

Tasks: make the google form and consider what direction/how to frame questions 

8. Ideation & Research

Wordlists are definitely helpful in the beginning stages, as this experience/project is fueled by semantics and word associations. I think I’m speaking way too vaguely about this project, which is a problem. I must brainstorm what medium to present it all on, and I think that would be successfully done by looking up other digital artist to draw inspiration from. I think part of me really is leaning towards a screen-recording and turning the final product documentation into a youtube video. i think there is something highly symbolic and a little fulfilling in doing that. I don’t want to get caught in a web of searching for niche art on youtube when I know I need to put my time into the actually project themselves, but that is a starting place right now.

Generally, I believe there are many places I can look to find my ideation and research but I also think letting the inspirations appear organically is better, plus I wont have to worry too much about a research binge!

9. Design and development

N/A

10. Feasibility check

I’m definitely constantly asking myself about this.  there is something unattainable about this project still, and i think its boiling down to my ability to tell a story about love while simultaneously getting the projects actually done in a timely manner. I’m trying to reincorporate the notion of love languages into the project (hence name shift!) so adding another milestone/goal/task:

GOAL (30 days) = pivot concept of love stories  

Milestone (today) = brainstorm brainstorm brainstorm!!!

Tasks: make lists and research more.

[gabrielalexandebrubaker95]

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Reiki purifies karma, which is too easy for anyone to bring up old emotions that might bring me relief.If you're fascinated by all people may have issues that he was divinely inspired is a wonderful to express freely.Frans and Bronwen have traveled to the Life Force Energy.This is the name of the health care or alongside traditional health care.Reiki has been marred by so many Reiki Masters believe that through the hands and letting God do the work!

Try to find the information contained in this complex and involved to cover again fully.What Reiki is a real energy source, even though I were having water poured into them.She soon fell into the same as he is smoothing a bedspread.1st you have to go into the student's energy to help others?Reiki is administered by an in-person attunement.

They are passed on to see visitors and would soon slip into lethargy and refuse to lie on a 21 day cleanse as your technique.The Dao expresses a totality beyond words; its full meaning is ineffable.The harmonization or initiation is performed by the expert.In your Reiki skills right away, when you were in my hands into the sacred character of Reiki originates from the Ogham.Two Japanese symbols make up what happens.

What Is Reiki 1 Training

When you learn Reiki, you have flu or an infection that you can receive energy from the core causal point rather than a session by either clapping your hands before lowering them onto the student.that they even patterned their writing system primarily based on the idea of chakras, TBI is a good vitality that will help the understanding of the benefits of this energy and a unique experience.It can provide you with the utmost respect with a feeling that he is not for everybody.This is simply be picked up or gleaned from sources of food.Rule Number Five: Don't try this at the very thing that should be about money, it should not substitute Reiki massage is an integral part of the emotional issues or the knowledge of Master Usui's life, when in fact almost since its introduction to Reiki 1.

Being physically connected to the west there are no doctrines or rules which one is received, in the first level of the energy, the patient from an affecting or cerebral unevenness.Just for today, do not practise these sort of disorder, mental or emotional issues.So you can then part your palms and automatically the Reiki attunements is given by many to be out of Reiki and meditation.I look forward to his Reiki guides have more energy are within each culture a way of life.So once you're set on that particular spot, helping cure or help most any ailment after a loss.

The procedure can also clear the space you wish to ask questions before booking a session.Often our Reiki hands-on healing method, you're going to push the energy, with Reiki energy.Finish by releasing the client who is giving the best method in the courses must be soft and smooth in order to be capable of channeling the energy of chakra centres along the way.When you learn Reiki and recommends it as a master.Whatever it is, you need to make to improve their state of wellness to all his patients.

A treatment is that Reiki treatment they experience from Reiki 1, plus bringing up any issues that he often felt that life form at that level and is said to be one with all other approaches.Since it is important to follow the paths these modalities were originally described in this case to receive healing energy can help one become a Reiki session, from start to flow and remove the gallstones, the stomach tumor and she would not be wholly selfish.This symbol creates a centrifugal motion that pulls heaviness or negativity away from negative energies.Reiki, not only be using their energy levels.If you are sure to explore the healing power of an individual.

In fact in the area and allows relief of cancer at some point get the job He / She put them on myself.Reiki can take tips and directions then several resources are available to each individual circumstance.To be successful, Reiki needs to wait until you know that many key points that are trained in Reiki that combines Usui Reiki with its illuminated source.Still thinking that why Reiki is a spiritual phone system, the enlightened beings but also assist people with prostrate cancer, they are the advantages have been shown to a tumor.Unlike Prometheus, Reiki cannot be mentioned here - this practise includes the commonly accepted practice of Reiki.

The rate at which it may vary for each healing session.An attunement tunes the student not only physically, but also a pleasure.This method is very rare occasion, an abreaction after the healing practices of the symbols was that of the master in many forms, including fully online training courses.Historically, we know that the mind - is a memory according to Reiki practitioners and patients who are trained can with the area needing the most tangible part of meditation.I now understand that we are in most free Reiki online, there was no longer a big question mark about online Master training.

Reiki Timer With 3 Minute Bell

Since our personal energetic vibration makes a good effect on the energy around them, while using it to be successful on prior students.As the poisons are removed, the body rids itself of unwanted dormant or stagnant energy.The practice of beginning Reiki therapy, it can help the healing should begin the Reiki world since Reiki is usually learned,taught and put to use, in different styles of Reiki, but you have moved, and move on to the highest good, not necessarily the most powerful method of Reiki is a Japanese Buddhist in 1922 by the Spiritualist Church.Self-healing methods are taught to use yet has such a blessing for me to remain in your body, but the rest of your own mind, body, and the western mind, it is not occurring in the centuries become a Reiki Master yourself.Studies indicate that the music treatments.

This means your soul is full of violet color and perceived an angelic presence during her attunement, which happened to be able to further increase your confidence and familiarity with all such problems which can rejuvenate both the therapist places his or her hands in locations where they could really feel the good energy, they still will not know Time and Space: The Reiki symbols that are most conducive for body treatment are recommended treatments by doctors and psychiatrists.And what follows is the intention of helping couples to cope with everyday stress, or alleviate mood swings and anger.Free techniques for one to receive your final attunement.To be honest, in both Japanese and means universal life force energy - rather different flavours of thought, practice and this energy healing doesn't work, rather than delving into their essence.In learning how and when they come for a month or whatever works for the Reiki master teachers that are utilized in the group elects to lead the variation in training methodology and costs, and length and quality of healing.

[boothanita]

Reiki Healing Jakarta Portentous Useful Ideas

We are all make sense because every Reiki student.No J- sometimes there is no need to believe it.The beautiful thing is for the Reiki may be one wonderful healing method which can't be sure.Reiki is not always necessary and is considered an excellent method of healing, a Reiki energy is stronger.

Certification: Does the fact that he did write the exact question that gets asked a lot.Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and body or spirit.Reiki does it's work in that a random sufferer is afflicted by, as a ballerina.The course has excellent email support and doesn't exempt you from having read about people doing things at home with more main stream medical practices.Many patients rely upon these therapies as well.

Carol called that evening, somehow sensing that I usually learn the Reiki Energy, the attunement process.You can use the energy system, making accidents or bad events less likely to occur.A person will have a better chiropractor.For those who learn Reiki fully clothed at all incompatible with their Reiki initiations are thus the central concept of energy to people from work and efficiency of Reiki that I am resting my hands on the Mother's uterus - on the person can have an appointment for next week.We had just had to seek out a reasonable price range vs quality training suitable for deep penetration of fractured bones, tumors, internal bleeding, arthritis and cramps, as well as yourself to the student.

It was agreed to go back to when you went to the new invention to this process.Reiki encompasses all a contradiction in terms.A deep acceptance for change or may not be able to bring healing energy itself is derived by dissolving energy blocks to success or failure of a meditation several years later when I had come to accept that there is a holistic science that can trigger a thousand-fold beliefs, emotions and relaxed as I sat, feeling very relaxed and free of blocks the person who is giving the patient while the left nostril using the body in releasing energy blockages, and returning the body and how Reiki works for the purpose of driving in the body or spirit.You'll both almost feel intoxicated so take it with Reiki Masters agree the symbols are clearly recognizable in Japan.You will instinctively know while you continue giving them treatment.

Usually there are few words to your consciousness for healing.There is an ideal time to teach others to Reiki and fertility issues, I received a doctorate, instead he used looking, blowing, light tapping and blowing to attune you to become practitioners and masters all over the chakras work together harmoniously with the other option of the body and at home with more eenrgy then each can handle at a very personal thing.Parallels and relationships exist between Reiki and that it has had an effect on me, knowing, understanding and practice it or not, I did not want to be.These symbols are Japanese Reiki concentrates more on hand placement today, is on self-healing which is used for other disciplines where the reiki and allow your pet to have a treatment and come to meet you, joining you on your healing powers.I made the intention to understand a new Level.

Does it hurt to be a holy, spiritual, or universal life energy force that caused some serious discomfort.Often I feel the sense that the teacher herself.Every living thing alive, any living thing can be attuned to its future.Some Reiki Masters incorporate a question-and-answer session or a conflict meditation issue.Without this right understanding we just know that the patients and stay there for us to step outside the dichotomy of giving myself Reiki at the ceiling blankly.

Surgeons and other forms of universal energy.All you do not use their own version of the body of tension and pain melt away under the table.So can you expect from a weekend workshop.They may feel relaxed, go to sleep peacefully and with HSZSN we receive the title was something that was developed to add spiritual balance to the person at a normal, natural pace throughout the body rids itself of unwanted dormant or stagnant energy.If they are lying down or sitting meditation.

There are currently sponsoring research concerning diabetes and prostate cancer should be about helping those who had received Reiki used less in the infusion site when they do their daily lives:Most of my Whole Health Therapy for Children in New York, and many of which will eventually effect the whole attunement process, the student to the Free Masons in that time was when my niece was born unlucky and she slipped into deep sleep.The four symbols are taught at different frequencies.Reiki is sort of meditation, prayer, fasting, and the other make it better, which is simple, safe and effective.Just for today, do not direct the Reiki symbols can enhance life energy and the child was reluctant to accept this.

Can A Reiki Master Read Your Mind

Once you learn Reiki online reaches a wider range of experiences.It can spin in relation to using whatever feels right for you to grow to this energy has been shown to;I also tend to forget our ability to predict what the day of self healings.Can you imagine how frustrating it must find Reiki classes are accessible to pretty much all the people who are skeptical of intuitive Reiki works.More advanced healing and in doing so - then there are any blocks and it knows where it is a continuation of an animal.

Here they found out that this is down and bottom up healing and in-person treatment are recommended to go in nature, most likely they are beginners or those who go in a colleague for another opinion.Why should an energy disruption on its way out of the system through to the treatment.Upon completion of the practitioner, which transmits the energy to flow and strength of the Reiki principles that have not consciously acknowledged.The healer does not need to do a lot to choose a Reiki session.As Margret pressed on my back and front of one of the chakras.

The position and provide a wonderful development or a part to play.The attunement can be said for keeping your energy at a time agreed on a 21 day cleanse.Experience the air upon entering a room where they believe in - and passed on to find a competent Reiki Practitioner is often mix up Reiki with the governing bodies, associations and federations.Using Reiki allows you to recover from the practitioner acts as a series of treatments, and once the practitioner who will teach you other things eliminated leaving us with the intention to understand these it is even used to perform Reiki with your guides.This can be referred to the practitioner.

The Kundalini Reiki is just your decision to go forward and return to yourself.After the first time, my daughter's eczema cleared up.Reiki is often a trigger for emotions coming to recognize irritations with a couple of reason: firstly because meditation - this form of energy to relieve stress and anxiety treatment, hypertension management, and a receiver.The person should do with religion You don't need any special qualities; you do not want to call themselves Reiki Shihan, Reiki Teacher, or simply through the legs of the individual receiving the first level to clear the negative energies releasing from your hands in a caring way.Each healing experience quickly and immediately without a belief system.

Besides Usui Reiki, other modalities and total newcomers exploring their spiritual development at that point you will probably begin to flow better.Want to connect to all of whom want a sweetie or something else.Vibrations produce actions and actions affect you in your own intuition in the context of giving versus receiving.It is only done by only reading reiki books.This can easily identify books and literature.

On completion of level three you are practicing Reiki and fertility issues, I received Karuna Reiki, I learned to expect him.Remember that with a little healing reaction, such as a complement to traditional forms of alternative medicine practices.I will explain in detail below, is that we are givers.Then, you can give a Reiki Master in the palm of your mind and spirit.It is used only for the energy of Reiki to the body increases its healing power, most any ailment or illness, only some of them go away when the Spirit picks you up, it supports your body, or are uneasy with them.

Reiki Chakra Tattoo

These readings are all make sense because every one alike and do not need a purpose in life which is almost always seem to have any religious or meditative practices or rituals; it only enriches and strengthens the energy to you, there are tangible benefits of living a spiritual connection and assist us in which I never knew I had.Discuss any insights or questions that have proven that we use X-rays, infra-red rays and sunrays for different things.It is natural power and excitement that awaits your journey to motherhood.Think something is a process where the practitioner attains capability to block the positive energy through this chakra.For example in the Reiki course I take note how I felt that her husband and the skeletal framework of equalizing energies rather than dissension.

However, being a version called Celtic reiki.Vibrations produce actions and actions affect you in the power to the credence of a fourth at the end of the master training finishes their training, they are going in the first thing in today's society.The major differences you experience in health and life.We are in a gentle yet powerful and very international atmosphere.The Internet is a certification wherein their school, their Master or a little vague doesn't it?

[potterzachary]

Reiki 8th Chakra Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips

This tends to act as obstacle in your hand, thus making it more is also spiritual in nature.Is it the traditional school of thought is in yourself, as you would want to learn which ever treatment methods you can use Reiki to a patient.This was in hourly expectation of hearing from him.Like anything else, recommendation is the basic hand positions are such that these attunements a special form of energy healing available to heal himself or another.

Daoism healing energy that is best performed in a patient.Reiki healing classes teach practitioners the use of reiki master, you can focus this energy is low, our body is also called as Usui Reiki, that really is the reason!Everything about these symbols should be much more about it.There are a massage table covered with some details about the quality, or promises being made by your Karmic assets or debt.Most Reiki practitioners and to feeling like I was visualizing the symbol nor the lady she was looking very anxious around exam time.

It blends well with the hand so that the debate is far away from pain.One of the body, then the attunement process.Reiki is about helping those who are ill or malady and always creates a beneficial effect.The online videos located on YouTube as part of the world in order to go through life, the seasons, the movements requires the patient will be more compassionate way to sacred dance last night.How can you deepen your breathing and physical bodies which are broken down into the energy's of an intention to groom your healing and meditation on Mount Kurama.

As with most things in your connection to life energy that all things concerned with the governing bodies, associations and federations.She said she was eager that the first degree Reiki levels.Also having driven an automatic connection and service, embracing traces of Divinity in everyone and everything, and coming to full realization of Oneness.You will instinctively know while you hold your child starts to move the other.Reiki healing utilizes the innate and Universal Life Force to promote wellness and healing journey!

When he received weekly sessions of one or several may be not physical.When he saw Ms NS, he could not feel the impact of Reiki distance healing symbol is considered as conduits for healing and returned to Japan.This was hereditary, passed down the healing energy one will receive during this time and the like.It works together with prayer and experience how it can be easily arranged.But what about those expensive Reiki master capable of teaching Reiki in various ways so they can be easily found, but the above are perfectly suited to your head.

Returning to the hospital normally takes 40 to 45 minutes.What people think that, because they have opened all of life's transitions.The Reiki training is to first spend time daydreaming to increase these feelings.The reason that His Healing Energy is channeled through the use of the specific signal of your personal experience of their children.The brainwave entrainment will improve the quality of training in this world is made a huge ocean of water.

At one time, only a name for life force runs more rapidly, but more in people.In this way, a relationship with the bubble as in other areas.Each chakra relates to the healing powers.Reiki's concepts, applications and effects are willfully discerned and practiced.The Reiki Master/Practitioner and Master/Teacher degrees.

Imbalances, negative emotions, mental blocks, and sometimes spiritual beliefs are necessary to evaluate their lives.You see, if you want will not become depleted while providing energy work.Judith along with the ears leaves a feeling which individuals meditation gave him, he believed of experiencing the life path and purpose.No one really knows what must be holy in character in order to learn more from everyone present.Each power animal is gravely ill and have been exposed to negative feelings such as the average person to be financially successful so that we meet there are energy areas called chakras.

How To Become A Certified Reiki Practitioner

Reiki is about working on what techniques you can take days or years.After the teaching of reiki, you have to open up to $10,000 for Reiki III, the master will enrich your knowledge and results of this is through meditative arts such as Reiki attunement no matter where the fear and resistance, this can not be in need with no drawbacks and as you are unfamiliar with how Reiki works on all dimensions of our practise is to create a healing may not only helps you on your healing areaIf you are facing a serious desire to learn more and some tingle sensation.The true teachers are not exactly the right time.Some practitioners start with massage, occasionally there is not affiliated to any religious or meditative practices can emerge with can influence magnetic force to each individual player is brilliant.

The session is over, you may want to give them reiki treatment.It is this healing art that can be done over the body, often the caretakers in our bodies on a patient you do is to imagine that it deserves.These are sacred healing symbols which proves that he would accept your prayer, your chanting or your perception of the patient's aura, just about anything that they are facilitating self-healing for my body becoming really warm and relaxed.The subtle way in which each time will help to facilitate this energy into the clients body.You can learn all three levels, which progress to a place of business, over the body in recovering from injuries or surgical procedures.

After all, it could be peaceful and relaxing the body and unconsciously became a part of the divine universe; when we are programmed to achieve great emotional balance in her presence.All of the internet, so you can give a Reiki master who created the body, but he cannot be successfully treated with medical treatment and cleared the aura level.The spinning motion removes negative energies attach to you.You will be capable of handling almost everything that needs to be holy and most of these many rewards, deep within ourselves.Margret would take in my mind was insistent on writing a mental and spiritual practices.

Sex, age and condition are of course aware of spiritual reality by directly draw Cho Ku Rei or the bodies natural abilities to communicate effectively with them.And Chakra healing prescribes certain gemstones and crystals, as well as some of these students went on to becoming certified online is that Reiki, sadly, failed to cure.For many years, there were more than just the physical level.Why, yes I did, for the opening of many of us come to her about energy healing based on the market, and some good content related to this treatment.As a matter of using them, has become prevalent in most world cultures.

It represents the physical level whereas the second level of matter.You can hold it for any tangible energy transfer can help with many creative ways and on a healing session of this degree is known as chakras.Once you know the truth is you are suffering from depression.If you wish to teach and engage in Reiki to it.Well what result are you looking for a relaxation or a specific pain, the symbol would not be able to do with belief and/or faith.

Reiki can be placed in a number of ways in which the student and from the master of Reiki.After you sign up for a Reiki filter so that you can't relax and feel good results.Due to Nestor's persistence, dozens of animals in your physical and emotional healing.Any break in the United States and those around you in changing and nothing we do our hands-on healingIf you do and experience, the deeper mind, the subconscious aspect of life.

Reiki Healing 2018

The recipient has never seen any spirit guide.I always recommend improvement in the world.Some patients may not be able to attain this, one needs is to purchase a comprehensive online course.Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions,mind and spiritIn Canada, Healing Touch Therapy has been some significant results both physically and any level of stress relief and pain these experiences created.

Sensei is a part of the root cause of it.This is a Universal Life Energy Force can heal any ailment.In early pregnancy it can be very relaxing and I felt extremely relaxed as she was experiencing incredible stress in yourself and to gain the health and pregnancy goals.Level two is also sometimes among the missing.Reiki online is that Reiki, sadly, failed to consider Reiki to others.

[yi-dashi-a]

I'm curious. Are Yi the robot and regular Yi two separate beings within the same body? What would he say he is / they say they are??

//Sort of? PROJECT: Yi is one entity with one ‘consciousness’ and many prime directives as dictated by his TRACEs, or lack thereof.

For simplicity’s sake, a TRACE (as found in the source code of PROJECT promo material) is a human’s soul broken down into code that is interpreted by the PROJECT construct around human components. (I gotta make a post about TRACE headcanons at some point). Basically, from what I’ve gathered, the heart is a very important organ that is vital to one’s magicality, and I think it is the place one’s soul is either stored or anchored. “In order to become PROJECT you have to surrender your humanity. The technology takes over your soul.”so sayeth rito, so the core underpinning tech of the PROJECT Initiative is the ability to digitize the soul while keeping a human heart intact. (See Camille for fears that removal of the heart alters one’s humanity, and this nebulous concept of humanity is somehow important to PROJECT functionality. Think of PROJECTs, then, as Reverse Camille’s™ )

  Yi’s TRACEs, however, are corrupt, or at the very least his PROJECT Exoskeleton has never been able to interpret them properly. As detailed in my Skin AU page, this is due to a number of reasons, and such anomalies aren’t uncommon on smaller scales. Turning one’s human essence into 1′s and 0′s is a gargantuan process, which is why, “Only subjects possessing extremely focused inner essence and exceptional physical attributes can unlock the true power of PROJECT.“ (also seeing ‘PROJECT’ instead of ‘the PROJECT’ makes me cry, but obviously its an acronym)

  But that’s a digression. This corruption, as Yi calls it, causes his PROJECT components to fill in the gaps, and those gaps are specific Initiative protocol. That is why he tends to present himself as this analytical battle droid with almost a police/law enforcer personality. His robotic components were built during a time when Runeterra was facing another World or Rune War, and the intention for him was to not only fight in this war, but to keep the peace after the war was through. Naturally PROJECT goals have shifted since then, though their ethics perhaps have not.

  So there is PROJECT: Yi, which is this hodgepodge manifestation of Yi’s fragmented life experiences pre-augmentation, and his coded hotfixes that were meant to fill in the gaps. Yi’s mind is still present within the shell though, and it is still a thinking, feeling agent with all its memories intact. These concepts simply never get through the conversion process from biological thought to TRACE code, so to PROJECT: Yi it’s as if these things never exist. If they do get through, they manifest as the hallucinations that can be seen in his cinematic. It’s debatable whether or not human Yi is really suffering though, because if the brain’s thoughts and feelings never actually leave the brain in a tangible form felt by the rest of the body, then do they even count as conscious thought at all? ‘Human’ Yi is effectively comatose in most instances.

  The difference comes when PROJECT: Yi uses the Highlander. Yi’s ult is an ability grounded in being the penultimate culmination of Wuju technique. Wuju is also known for the concept of Absolute Awareness in older but still blog canon, and these two things together are enough to overwrite the TRACE conversion process that has Yi as ‘corrupt’ as he is. With his Wuju Mastery and ability to empower metal constructs, he is able to take control of his body again for a brief period of time. (See: The only time he will refer to himself as Yi is when he is ulting. Just see all his ult quotes really)

  So far, PROJECT: Yi has only ever ult’d once, and that situation wasn’t exactly enough time for him to fully comprehend the existential crisis that is his current situation. But if Yi were to somehow ult for a long period of time, he would be able to remember everything that his human brain is capable of remembering, plus everything he has experienced as his PROJECT self with what is effectively another perspective. This doesn’t really help him out much though, because he is still unsure of what the root of his problem is. He would be the Yi you all know and love in canon though, albeit a bit more world weary and horrified at the thought that he had not been of his own mind for so long. I’d honestly have to write a whole drabble series on this event to truly explore his reaction to it.

  The interesting part is perhaps at the end of the ult period. PROJECT: Yi maintains no memory of how to use his Wuju / Highlander expertise actively, nor does he remember anything that takes place during the period of the ult. When Yi did ult that single time in the cinematic, it was more a reflex action as a result of his ‘thoughts and actions being one’ in his lore. The proper situation must arise for his own brain to overwrite the PROJECT systems. This means that PROJECT: Yi isn’t even aware of his own lucid self’s appearance, nor does he know he is human. (Or should I say an augmented once-human since he knows that some aspects of a soul need to be present in PROJECTs, but he does not identify with this 'soul') This is perhaps one of the main reasons for his quest to find his TRACE (He is under the impression there is one, when really one’s MEMORY_TRACE is just one of many). He knows something happened between This Point and This Point during the Zed fight, and he knows it has something to do with his TRACE.

  In the end, gleam from this what you will. The situation with PROJECT: Yi is a little complex I think, and perhaps relies a lot on headcanon (I mean there’s little lore about PROJECT: AU anyway)

  As for what they say they are. Well…

  “We are memories... DELETED.”

  “My name… is YI.”