#but im still gonna try bc that nut was insane

[theloveinc]

now if i go insane i need you to forgive me for it

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

macccc hi. hi hi <3 ik u don’t watch qsmp but i wanna cry in ur inbox for a second. we got. fucked up sibling dynamics. it happened. cellbit had a twin sister named bagi and he went missing and was thrown into a war and she searched for him endlessly. his first memory is standing over a dead body and having to eat it to survive. bagi is slowly recovering her own memories and is desperate for him to remember her. he keeps pushing her away bc he can’t fathom that he had a LIFE and a FAMILY and people who CARED about him. he thought he came from war but he came from love and didn’t even know it. bagi became a cop just so she could try to break him out of prison but she never got the chance bc he broke out first and she lost him again. she spent fifteen years looking for him and he spent fifteen years trying to survive. they’re both devastated over this in different ways. this always happens with media i get into it always comes back around to messed up siblings i’m going to start eating the floorboards. the strider bros the plant twins ccrimeboys. this is my brother and i need a shovel to love him. you can get a new son or a father but who can grow me a new brother. yk. just gonna lay here and cry for a minute brb

anyway how r u doing!!! how’s it going!!!! how r ur blorbos!! i never got into adventure time as a kid what’s it like what’s the recent series like how’s it going :3 how r ur little guys i wanna know!!!! i’m still watchin hannibal btw makin my way thru s2e2 AS WE SPEAK!!!

OH GOD OH FUCK I LOVE HORRIBLE TRAGIC SIBLINGS !!!!!!!!!!!! i keep saying this but im so glad im not directly into qsmp because i KNOW i would be imprinting on cellbit like a baby duckling. it was A JOKE AT FIRST because i saw he had a white streak but every new thing i learn about him im like. of fuck thats my type of character like. to a t. unbelievable.

I AM DOING GOOD its sooooo cold today and i cannot wait 2 be done with work so i can get all cozy (<< guy who is dumb and chose a career path that is Almost Always Outdoor Manual Labor) . adventure time is soooooooooooooo so so so good. i actually have not seen ANY of the post-canon series which is why im currently rewatching the main one!! i want 2 watch them so bad. ive heard such good things about fionna and cake. ouuguguhg. its a very good show its the perfect balance of really silly and lighthearted and also.... emotions. <3 formative piece of media. u are speaking to the worlds biggest flame princess kinnie. also i have been thinking abt my ocs a lot lately bc i havent drawn them since artfight. this is a DISGRACE.

IM SOOOO GLAD UR STILL ENJOYING HANNIBAL. oh season 2 goes nuts. season 1 is probably my favorite as a whole but my favorite Individual Episode is the season 2 finale. ohhh the season 2 finale makes me so insane. ouguha. also lmk when u meet a character named mason verger i have a funny story about him <3

[nightowlfury]

complaining⬇️

i feel so fucking trapped and i dont know what to do i cant stand living here because my mom drives me nuts and i cant Function around her and i cant get a job because i dont have a car and i also cant get a job because i cant fucking stand the thought of engaging in capitalism in any way and i dont think im even CAPABLE of much and i cant figure out what i want to do nothing is interesting enough to me to make employment worth it. i cant stand being in this country either bc it feels like its trying to kill me and it literally feels like hell but i dont know what to do i want OUT but every time i think of something when i look into it practically its like i cant fucking do this what the fuck am i thinking and im fucking stuck like this!!!! and i hate it it feels like im not built to fucking exist in this world and i just want to be happy but everything is difficult and im too afraid of discomfort and misery to try anything new but i cant fucking stay here!!!! its gonna drive me insane but i dont know what to fucking do!!!!!!!!! and like the only option seems to be applying to masters programs but i still dont fucking know what i want to do because anything that im remotely interested in is basically just a pipeline into academia and i fucking HATE academia i cant fucking stand this world. literally anything that interests me has some huge caveat like oh i like animals but i cant do animalcare because cleaning up after them makes me want to vomit. i like filmmaking but the hours in that kind of job are atrocious and also most of that stuff is based in america nd i DONT want to stay here. plus i have 0 experience so that wouldnt happen anyway. i like ethnomusicology but pretty much the only thing you can do with that is be a professor and i dont want to do that shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! it feels like theres no fucking way forward and im fucking sick of it

[autisticlalna]

Aaaaaah my dude you're so on it!! Honestly understandable about not watching the lore stream, I just about combusted! And I hadn't even seen the theory that Karl also forgot that he's been forgetting!! I'm absolutely vibrating!! My man Honk is just chilling, hoping for the best, and then he realizes that he remembers having the thought, as Karl, "Oh, I'm forgetting things?", and also reading the book where the Inbetween confirmed it, and all these other moments of Karl figuring out that things are getting more serious, and he realizes he's got so much more to deal with and convince Karl of all of a sudden. My gosh!!

And!!!! Man!!! Extra detail from Undercover Agents I missed/forgot!!! Time to rewatch!! And now canon representation of more of their identities bleeding into each other if not flat-out swapping??? The story of Honk and Karl, my dude, with the introduction of the Other Side, it just got nuts. Something else to make Sapnap feel like somethings wrong with Karl, his eyes getting all weird, especially if Honk is trying to keep his distance to keep anyone from noticing how solid he looks sometimes, how bright his eyes are!! All three fiances and Honk are not having an easy time of it because none of them are able to explain what's going on!! And depending on how much of the Inbetween is still in Honk, it might be physically keeping him from telling anyone!! "Do not tell anyone about your library" kind of stuff! Gosh. It is all such oof. <3 New Tales when they come out are gonna be aaaaaaaah!!

YES!!!! literally just rewatched UA bc i was thinking about it fxgjhlkf it's oooonly in our heaaaaaads

man i missed talking about these guys so much. free serotonin. YEA QUACKITY'S LORE SOUNDS AMAZING BUT IT ALSO SOUNDS SUPER INTENSE i do wanna like, watch the las nevadas stuff once im in a good headspace for it but i wanna rewatch tales first. oh my god Please let tales come out soon. ISN'T CC!KARL WORKING ON A FUCKING COMIC OR SOMETHING??????? MR JACOBS PLEASE okay im getting off track

YEAH THE REALIZATION OF LIKE. there's definitely a scene where honk is talking to karl abt how his memory is worsening and karl shrugging it off, and honk gets confused and remembers when they first talked about it... and then realizes he's remembering it from karl's perspective and what that MEANS and aaaAAAAAaaAAaa

i cannot BELIEVE how well all the karl reveals slot nicely into spau and how honk's Existence adds onto the story so much in a way that feels natural, it's insane. the other side especially is SO MUCH im so excited to learn more about it and who exactly led karl there and why karl of all people is in the middle of an interdimensional tug-of-war

and yeah like, no matter how badly honk wants to talk to people, he Can't. both in a "if i reveal this secret, it could get karl hurt" way but also in a "the inbetween literally won't let him" way. and even if he Was able to say anything, would anyone believe him? q probably wouldn't at this point. oh man i have no idea how q and sap's shadows are taking any of this (asides from "jazz (q's shadow) is Probably Not Okay holy shit") but also the more ~human~ honk gets the more the other shadows are gonna be distrustful of him bc Something Is Clearly Wrong so like. not only is honk uncanny valley to the players, but to the shadows as well :,)

auauauauauaaauuuuu hooooonk

[tigerdrop]

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now 

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........  he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently 

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[luminisvii]

anyway i’ve been playing three houses on maddening lately because i hate myself, and i also hated looking at tier lists that put some characters who are actually quite bad for high difficulty up top, i made my own tier list of suggested feth characters for if you do a maddening run. this is really just so i can scream about what characters i think are best (spoiler alert: it’s lysithea)

so, here we go, tell’s three houses tier list!

disclaimer: based on personal experience, not all characters have been used on maddening, but i have played the game like... eight times. on my ninth run. so i have some pretty decent data on majority of the characters. 

tier is determined by how easy a character is to use, how much investment they require, and stat growths. crests+relics also influence this, since people who can use relics effectively are better. the game tells me not to judge based on crests, but come on! 

lords are not included, jeritza is also not because he’s CF post skip exclusive, but come on, we all know where he’d place anyway

the real tier list is this: if you’re playing on normal or hard, literally anyone is fine. follow your heart. invest in who you like. on maddening, you unfortunately need to be a little more discerning. and sometimes, you just get rng screwed, even with the best, so rip lmao 

TOP TIER (FOR COOL KIDS ONLY)

-lysithea: the coolest kid, doesn’t need a bed time. obvious bc her spell list and stats and access to relic are great. also look at her. shes bappy. she says so herself in her support with cyril (the only valid cyril support) all jokes aside, she can go down the basic mage line and mow down anyone who comes within her insane range. she also does well as a valkyrie, but with the speed penalty, i don’t recommend her staying in the class for long. just get uncanny blow! then hades will never miss! 

-felix: he may be a shadow the hedgehog motherfucker but he has one important thing that shadow doesnt: crest of fraldarius. i guess shadow has a gun, though. felix is just straightforward gameplay baby. you send him at something and it dies. go crest boy go!

-mercedes: im legally obligated to put mercie in here because of her personal, her crest, and fortify. although restore is also super neat! miss mercie is just plain reliable as a healer. easily goes through the priest line to gremory.

-balthus: extremely helpful early game, doesn’t fall off later either. his personal skill of str/def +6 when below half health means he can either straightforwardly tank or just punch shit so hard it doesn’t have a chance to strike back. also gets a relic, healing focus, and a major crest that allows him to heal, so he’s a one man army. he does one thing really well and that’s use his fists to liquefy his opponents. also gets rally strength if you care about that. my favorite strategy with him is to let the damn poison strike archers knock his health down and then just go to town, combined with vantage for REAL fun. forget war monk, this guy should just go to war master

-sylvain: this little slut will join you if you’ve got boobs so he’s real handy to have around. plus he’s got some great qualities: flexible, strong, free relic, and maybe kinda hot i guess. you could make him a paladin, but you should give him a giant lizard. he can basically become any of the master classes with ease, although i would not recommend putting him into magic classes that much unless you wanna do a wholly mage sylvie build. will still perform just fine as a dark mage even without dedicated magery. but seriously, dragon

-petra: you want crit??? you got crit!!! this little lady can not only crit like hell but also dodge tank really well. i had fun making her a falcoknight once and just watching her line it all up and tear it all down. petra is reliable and stronk and also horrible to fight against so just. recruit her, please

-constance: entirely here because of bolting. for the low price of her reason being A you can nuke enemies from across the map. while you could make her the canon class of dark flier, i for one think the warlock line is better, because that’s four uses of bolting and even more if her crest activates. she also has a similar statline to lysithea and hits like a truck with other spells, and with bolting can supply long range support, so really, what’s not to love? the rest of her spells are good too. i go for gremory over dark flier bc while the mobility is great, x4 bolting is even better. 

PRETTY GOOD TIER

-ingrid: extremely reliable, only down here instead of in the cool kids category bc her strength kinda sucks. i love ingrid though! she’s got a gambit gimmick and a crest+relic! ingrid with the chalice is super funny and i highly recommend it. i watched her fucking OWN every single siege tome user like that

-ignatz: some will say he sucks. some would argue his utility as a debuffer and rallybot. i will argue this ungodly crit. ignatz is a very luck man, blessed with great opportunities and a base crit value beyond any other. the little man will strike you down in the name of the goddess before you even know what’s going on. with a little help his strength will match the others and if you slap as much crit up on him as possible then it’ll never end. ignatz could be a one man army if he could crit more than one person at once. unfortunately he’s stuck to one divine judgment at a time. you can either use his 55% luck growth and archer level dex to gamble on a high crit rate, or you can stack his personal with another hit +20 to basically never miss anything. if you play deer, this man is a must.

-hilda: the usual, a crest, a relic, good times, a nice personal, but also like. she slaps. in general. pretty sick with an axe but works nicely as almost any physical class (i haven’t tried sword, though) because she naturally goes down the warrior line she can get some real fun times going. or just give her a lizard! women love swarms of lizards. she is a delicate little flower who will end a motherfucker

-ferdinand: fairly reliable as a cavalier class, and comes with some natural dodge tanky capability and access to seteth’s spear of assal and ochain shield which make him restore health like crazy and his personal will stay on. also a counter attack block is nice! he’s got some nice combat arts too. just a pretty straightforward cavalier. good times

-seteth: and while we’re on the crest of cichol, seteth is gonna make sure you never raise a finger against him again. you won’t survive. the only prepromote i use. he has good base stats, good growths, and he just does really well at what he does! he may come in a little late but he’s strong as fuck and is shredded. i tend to favor him over ferdie for the cichol linked items, but also i’m biased towards this anxiety dad, so take that as you will

-marianne: she tends to get left out of the healer talks because like most of the deer, she’s kind of weird. i will make an argument for her. what she lacks in utility she makes up for sheer raw power. while her crest won’t be of much use until very late and even then her sword prowess is not what you should be using her for, her spell list is all high power and she also comes with easy access to silence, which can nicely stall for some time against powerful mage enemies. she also gets a heal to herself if she’s standing next to an animal since all her friends are horses. still kinda slow as most healers are and not as much of a res tank, but a formidable edition nonetheless. blutgang is a good pinch hitter relic as well

-caspar: like most gauntlet users, caspar is good at one thing: punching. he is just really good at it. he’s perfectly geared towards being a war master. and he’ll perform that very well. he gets healing focus as one of his arts, so he can run off on his own if he wants. solidly reliable, will work at just. punching. go short king!

-yuri: the man’s utility is unrivaled. he’d go top tier if it weren’t for the fact that he’s got unreliable strength/magic growths. he could go either way as a physical attacker or a mage, but he naturally fits well in the assassin class along with trickster, and even dancer if you like (i’m trying that and honestly the male dancer animation is so sad. like. why can’t you put as much energy into it as the women.) but this man can go. hes fast. he’ll fuck you up

-hubert: while not as hard hitting as lysithea, the man still fucks things up with dark magic like she does. he lacks her double crests but he makes up for it by still smacking people’s nuts clean off and with the added bonus of range and debuffs dark magic provides. even better, you can make him a dark mage/bishop! however points off because they won’t let me stack fiendish blow. love u vampire man!!! unfortunately locked to CF so rip.

NICE TIER: 

-lorenz: i adore him but hes a little unreliable as things go. in house, hes the better paladin than leonie, and his personal grants him a nice damage bonus with a battalion. lorenz shines as a dark knight the most, he has a heavy hitting spell list and if you really want to, thyrsus is technically his relic even though everyone puts it on lysithea! i really like him and he can perform really well but unfortunately like most of the deer he is Weird and this can put him in strange places with his growths. tis a cruel world, being a lorenz stan!

-dorothea: also suffers from strange statline. for some reason they’re pushing sword with her. honestly, because she’s outperformed by other mages, even on black eagles i tend to put her into dancer and kinda forget about her. she has quite a bit in heavy hitting spells and her personal skill grants a very nice mini heal to people around her, but honestly, i usually favor lysithea over her. she functions best as pure support but can still pull through on the offense. sadly, the competition is really rough.

-ashe: does his job, and does it well. not as heavy of a hitter as some of his fellow archers, but still good nonetheless, and has access to deadeye for extra range (although don’t count on it on maddening). his personal means he can unlock things no matter what class he’s in, so you can focus on others! i personally think that, you guessed it, he should get a giant lizard.

-annette: she does well, sadly outperformed by other house mages. functions as a rallybot and gets crusher if you care about that. i missed crusher completely in my first lions run, whoops, and then in my second one i had constance so uh. sorry, annette! she’s so very sweet, but her spell list has her down here.

-leonie: im hiding before the leonie stans get me. sure, like sylvain, she has his ability and shared flexibility for any class, but unlike sylvain she lacks power, a crest, and a relic. i see people keep arguing that she’s a massive damage dealer, but i honestly never see it. she falls off damage wise really quick, even if she’s got more than enough speed to deal with it. she’s basically just a lamer sylvain or ingrid without the crest abilities that those two have to make them stronger. what? the game keeps TELLING me crest = bad but as far as i can tell, all the best characters have one! on maddening GD, she’ll be good at first, but she’ll drop.

-dedue: i would rank this man higher since i simply adore him but he’s SUPER difficult for me to use. his defense is unrivaled, this man will flinch at nothing, but his speed is almost always shit and he tends to get nuked from orbit by mages. i love him, i really do, but man he can be a lot to manage. he does really well early game but can’t keep up. which is a shame, i really like him :(

-flayn: she has quite a bit of capability with rescue and fortify, and her major crest means her healing is even more potent. however she’s a little slow, extremely fragile, joins low leveled after you’ve already invested in a different healer, and is not very strong. she IS a res tank, though, and learns seal magic, which adds to her res tanking capability. she also synergizes with the caduceus staff, so she can be very self sufficient, and hit from farther away! flayn does very well. the major penalty is a lackluster spell list and significant investment buy in.

-hapi: she’s… weird. i like hapi quite a bit but she’s got it worse than lorenz in terms of stat growth. her personal ability makes her an extreme aggro target for monsters and she can’t even avoid their attacks, and the bonus damage it grants unfortunately isn’t better than fellow DLC mage constance, who hits harder just out of sheer momentum. for having a healing crest, she doesn’t have a particularly interesting white magic line. her dark magic grants her utility similar to hubert, but she’s slower and can’t quite strike like he does. sadly miss hapi has to be down here. id like to put her higher but boy did she struggle

-raphael: well, he’ll do his job. he’s only beat by caspar since caspar has a little bit better tools at his disposal, but they’re basically the same character. raph will do very good at punching the living shit out of things. starts off better than caspar, but unfortunately in my current run i have balthus so raph had to get benched

YOU CAN DO BETTER TIER

-bernadetta: she’ll work alright, but only with lots of attention, and her personal doesn’t seem to make up the difference. for a sniper she seems to have far less hit than her rivals in ashe and ignatz, especially since ignatz makes him more reliable. her crest doesn’t actually grant her much since it has such a low trigger rate and by the time it does work she probably already can double. also she gains no levels between pre and post skip which is hilarious but like. HELLO? ive also been told she has the worst starting stats. personally, i only use her on BE runs. i know she’s a popular character and a lot of people rank her highly for persecution complex and the fact that she learns both encloser and deadeye, but deadeye is unreliable in maddening and she’s a lot of work to keep up with the others.

-cyril: he can become a killer, he honestly does really well, but he starts so far behind you need to invest a significant amount into him. i don’t recall him having a particularly stellar combat art line either, but if you choose to put in all the work of catching the kid up, he will do well. but it’s not worth it most of the time. i use him on church route runs bc it feels right. on other runs, you’ll already have someone who fits his niche--the guy becomes a wyvern rider, and the likes of sylvain can do much better in this line.

-linhardt: kind of a shittier flayn, without fortify or rescue. lackluster spell list for both black and white, and terrible growths. he’ll do fine if you play eagles, but if you’re going to import a healer, mercie or flayn is the better option. 

-anna: oh lord, anna is difficult. her offensive stats are horrendous. flayn hits harder than her. with her unique stat line, inability to get supports, weakness in authority, and all around just odd set up, anna is not a reliable character and you should use yuri instead. they’ve basically got the same crest.

DIDN’T USE SO NO OPINION TIER: 

-hanneman

-manuela (heard she’s not good anyway)

-alois

-gilbert

-catherine

-shamir

(yes there’s a trend to this which is past FEs have trained me away from using prepromotes!)

and there we go! im still biased towards GD but the characters who do best are the ones who have a clear class line to follow and a statline that matches it. 

[6ad6ro]

im watching the projared explanation vid rn n i'm gonna keep adding to this as i watch. think of this as like real-time commentary? even tho it’s not real-time at all like i’m just pausing the video to make lil comments. here’s vid btw. but geez it'd be weird if all he did was cheat (like it's icky i’m def against cheating... but how would that matter to you if it doesn't involve u personally?).

TLDR (this was written after the fact): i’m rly leaning towards believing him about not doing the underage stuff. and i wished i had listened to my initial gut on that. i could care less about exchanging nudes with fans if they were 18+. i also could care less about any relationship drama. anyways i watched all of it and wrote a LOT. it’s kinda interesting (not rly) to see my opinion change over the course of the writing? i was really tearing into jared at first ahaha. but i’m putting it under a readmore. it’s not written well at all so read if you dare...

just started watching. first of all i will say it feels very scripted (is he lying/acting/performing? or is it just well thought out??) idk and LOL at him purposely looking unshaven and like a mess... like THAT was at least on purpose and makes me immediately not rly trust him? but idk i can't actually judge him based on this rly... then again what a sappy fucking thumbnail.

aw geez IT'S LIKE HE'S DOIN A REG COMEDY VIDEO like stop acting dude? i know he's... well he’s weird and seems like a very “scripted” person if that makes sense? but... it's just a rly weird move to try and make a "here's the real story/apology" video this way. not how i’d do it at all (and i’ve been there to a much lesser degree so)...

oh and i know he's SUPER mad at the two (at the time) underage ppl? and justifiably so if they lied. but idk his claim that the only reason for them to remove their accusation posts was "bc they held no water and they knew the timing was right to safely do the most damage"? uh dude you're one of the more well known youtubers like IMAGINE all the ppl that were harassing these guys? well at least they were both lgbtq etc and the gaming community has a traditionally open mind about that (sarcasm).

btw i kinda hate the term "the tea" too? soo much. but just bc it's another appropriated term white kids overuse... but even still i probably wouldn't have opened up a vid like this... well i'll just say it... was he straight up pointing the finger at gay ppl etc for harassing him n bein shallow n only enjoying the drama etc? like idKKK it just felt like he was calling out sassy gay ppl ONLY like why did he even say that??

yeah bc straight white gamer dudes NEVER gossip about drama. they NEVER act shallow. dude ur fanbase is like... some of the most shallow, gossipy ppl out there. i can't TELL you how many AWFUL videos i watched of your fans n other youtbers talking about you. and how... INSANE? it was? that they only rly called you out for "cheating on your cute wife" bc the accusations of underage shit n manipulation yeah nbd! but god forbid you cheat on your "attractive cosplay wife".

srry i'm rly tearing him apart here... i'm not meaning to. almost every gaming personality has shit fans. even i? me. a nobody. have to double check new followers to see if they're nazis etc? it's so common... anyways i'm not actually damning him in any way yet even if i'm bringing up so many lil issues i have w this vid lol srry?

btw i used to follow his tumblr. there was WEIRD shit going on, esp right before it shut down. like the "i got hacked" thing seems really convinient? IDK srry it's just my gut but he reminds me of sociopaths etc i used to be friends with. how he explains things and talks... like they all sound a lil like dennis from always sunny? idk my gut is tellin me he's full of shit i'm sorry. gonna keep watching. wait he really WAS hacked? i mean i guess i believed he was hacked at first bc the guy posting awful shit and claiming to be a pro-hacker was... well he was too crazy to be made up. a real fucking maniac loser.

as time is going on, unless all of this stuff is fabricated? he seems ro have found a crazy amount of proof that he didn't do the underage stuff. like... maybe the weird vibes he gave off is this stuff drove him insane? like... i’ve been friends with/dated quite a few fucked up, gaslighting assholes? trying to figure out what the fuck is going on can drive you a little nuts. he's kinda winning me over here a lil... again if the underage/manipulation stuff is untrue? i could care less about the other stuff. and i LOVE ross? but srry... who cares about that other stuff...

to explain what changed my mind: most ppl that he reminds me of are sociopaths etc. or rather, people that really fucked my life up. so i have a lotta baggage regarding them? and they're bigger in my mind than the other types. i won't lie the way he explains things and argues points REALLY bugs me? but i know ppl like that who are good people. or at least not psychopaths. immature, basic idiots at the worst (not that im callin HIM an idiot). anyways that alone doesn't make him guilty. watchin more now.

i was about to bring up that its actually really... cool? that he's focusing on the underage shit rather than the cheating/drama? bc thats all that needs to be explained rly? but LOL he just got to the "game grumps" part n in losing it. am i rly about to drown in this drama? fuck dude lol noooooo....

okay finished it. fuck man idk i feel stupid. right at the start i even was like "noooo he couldn't have!" but the underage stuff is like... like that shit makes my brain boil n stop working n go into “ill kill him” mode. and jared was so silent and so i figured he was doing damage control (ignoring it until it went away) rather than research to show people this was all fake/getting legal advice?

i kinda think he didn't do any of the real icky shit. i still get a vibe he might be a weirdo. and i don't think heidi necessarily made ALL of that stuff up? and i could care less that he was getting sexually involved w his fans like even I have been flirted with due to running a game gif blog (god knows why). and like FUCK it's so normalized for ppl in bands to sleep w fans? so why on EARTH would people think youtube gamerz are “too good for that”? anyways...

my point is, i think i mighta been wrong about him n the underage stuff. idk what to believe about the other stuff? the only thing i know for sure is that ross o'donovan is a very sweet n nice guy. and i'm so glad the drama between him and jared was imagined. it was prob just shitty to have fans ask him about it over and over...

okay lol if you just read all of this please go do something more fun and interesting now lol! i'm gonna put this all under a readmore and put a tldr on it! and... go to bed bc fuck its 2am OOPS!

[grinnoire]

in an effort to obliterate prototype 2 from my mind here's a list of hcs for a dana-is-fine-now 5yrs later self-indulgent au

alex, dana, and ragland moved to canada via some -cough- slightly illegal maneuvers, so blackwatch can't move in on them even when they find alex again at risk of causing an international incident

(basically canada is like "hes been here for 5 years and its been fine, also if youre gonna provoke THAT then do it on US soil bc we know what happened to manhattan and do NOT want a repeat in toronto (also, cranky bc your bioweapon is ours now arent you)")

(everyone thinks ragland died after contact with ZEUS but he's fine and lives down the street.)

so mostly blackwatch just spies on the gang as they get up to dumb slice-of-life stuff

alex got a bachelor's in psychology (doing one of the "hard" sciences would feel like too much of a repeat and he's soul-searching) and now has a job as a forensic psychologist. mostly he's everyone's paperwork jockey because he doesn't complain when they dump theirs on him, but sometimes he gets to decide who gets to sit on jury duty. this drives blackwatch absolutely nuts

dana is working as an editor for a local magazine. she still keeps up with news journalism on her free time, but she’s decided to take it easy after everything that happened and the job pays pretty well.

dana has more or less come to terms with virus brother, mostly because every other week he goes on some dark and broody rant about being a monster/hearing the screams of those he's killed/his innate desire as a virus to kill consume assimilate infect, and you kinda just get used to it after a while

alex got a deal with a local slaughterhouse to buy some of their stock from them, since he likes his meat so raw it's still mooing. literally. they are convinced he's either a butcher or a cultist but you know what, that's his business

dana starts referring to the real alex mercer as just "my big brother," and not by name. similarly, she usually calls alex by name, but she also refers to him as her little brother, and when joking in private, her baby brother (he is five and she will never not find that funny)

she also really does think of him as a kid, and notes that one of the most divergent traits he has from the real alex (besides empathy) is how easily he trusts people (she jokes that she worries he'll get lured out into a white van behind the mall with promises of meat). he's also super dramatic about EVERYTHING, so her impression of him has slowly morphed from "scary semi-insane virus man but still a step up from my actual brother" to "haha, kid brother who sucks at smash bros"

since alex doesnt sleep, he usually whiles away the nighttime hours by hunting (he's got a permit and everything, at dana's insistence) or playing video games

he's REALLY GOOD at rhythm games but plays with the sound off ("it's distracting, dana" "it's The Point Of The Game, alex") and he's shit at fighting games ("have you ever considered NOT charging blindly in on me clearly about to unleash an ultimate").

he's also not great at puzzle games and dana has caught him melted into a pile of meat moss over professor layton before. this is in spite of his constant claims to have consumed some of gentek's most brilliant minds, so it only further cemented dana's "kid brother" impression

alex: i dont have a preference for toppings so i get everything on it since i dont eat with my mouth anyways. thousands of dead men's preferences means no preferences -later, after dana has forced him to try things using taste buds- alex: can i get a large pineapple and anchovy pizza with alfredo sauce instead of tomato the guy at domino's: im arresting you for pizza crimes

an argument they constantly rehash is that dana insists that alex should try shopping for real clothes while alex insists he can just shapeshift into whatever clothes he wants. this has, on one occasion, led to neighbors in the hallway overhearing alex yelling angrily that "IM ALWAYS NAKED, DANA"

dana is a big lesbian and kicks alex out of the apartment when she's got "friends" over. they both know what dana's up to but dana insists that her five-year-old brother "will understand when he gets older" when he complains about it

most people that know alex thinks he has no sense of humor. this is untrue. he just has a very limited one and very dull reactions. but one time dana showed him this

and he let out an involuntary snort/giggle and then looked very confused and kind of scared, like he had no idea what that sound was or where it came from

most people believe alex’s brows drawn, eyes narrowed glare means he’s angry, but dana knows that that’s actually his “i’m confused” look. this is also the look alex wears 70-80% of the time.

(his actual “i’m angry” look is brows drawn, eyes wide open)

alex has a tendency to blurt out random factoids, like a walking trivia book. these facts are ALWAYS morbid and he ALWAYS only realizes that after he’s said it out loud. dana goes “i think i’m coming down with a flu that’s been going around work” and alex goes “huh, you know flus cause 200,000 hospitalization and 3,000 deaths every year” and dana gives him a Look and he pauses for a long moment before adding in a “sorry”. dana actually thinks this habit might be a leftover from how OG alex mercer liked to mansplain, but when this alex does it it’s less insufferable and more just awkward, so she doesn’t mind it that much

“butterflies can taste with their feet. I can also do that, if i try.”  “awesome, alex”

they have separate rooms since they both make a decent amount and live a ways out from the big city, and dana’s looks pretty normal, slightly messy, and alex’s is, hm. dana keeps insisting he try decorating it and actually putting stuff in it, so it’s home to his attempt at interior decor. the room features: a bookshelf crammed full of old textbooks and basically anything remotely novel-like that he could buy from the clearance rack, 2 (two) whole deer skeletons, picked entirely clean, a large, stainless-steel industrial-grade refrigerator/freezer unit (full of huge slabs of meat), the world’s loneliest computer desk and chair, a moldy cantaloupe in a glass box on the windowsill (”alex what is that” “i’m growing penicillin” “...why?”), a tiny photo of him and dana in a really big frame hanging on the wall, and also framed, dana’s MRI scans showing that she suffered no lasting effects from the infection. dana has had her partners accidentally walk into that room instead of hers and then call the cops. she kinda wants to say something to him about it, but since one of alex’s most common broody speech topics is how he doesn’t feel like he has a personality of his own, and since what he does have in his room certainly shows...”personality,” she figures she’ll leave it alone.

whenever a coworker starts to get friendly with him, alex pulls them aside to let them know he’s actually the blacklight virus that ravaged manhattan. he doesn’t actually use his powers because frankly it takes more energy than his current dietary plan can make back, but he insists until the coworker goes “haha okay, okay, i got it.” no one actually believes him but alex is convinced they all do, and dana has never been around for this to correct his mistake

[rhiezus]

               1989 As Our Ships, Moments & Characters.

Welcome To New York

This song is kind of annoying but it’s a classic, of course that I thought of Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo first because... c’mon, first Yura was born in New York and second the lyrics is very them... Also a little bit of WNDR? Because of their tour? I mean they getting famous and coming to America, it also reminded me of them a lot because it’s like fame is been waiting for them.

Walking through a crowd, the village is aglow Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats Everybody here wanted something more Searching for a sound we hadn't heard before

I mean you can see why I mentioned WNDR right?

When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors Took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer Everybody here was someone else before And you can want who you want Boys and boys and girls and girls

Also Kim Yura and Abe Chiyo forgetting their past to be together and shit.

Blank Space

Okay I have no idea, I thought of Linlin but... I don’t know, the thing is this album has a lot of “personas” created by Taylor so it’s hard to tell which one of them is who. I have no idea, seriously, let’s just listen and think together. 

Style

I was thinking about this one while I was washing the dishes, that’s why I decided to do this today, hehe. Okay so hear me out, first I remembered this whole album I tried to associate with Nayoung years ago but then I was remembering our ships and came up with Julie and Valak, but I was like? Not so much because they are very dragged only by each other, so I don’t know. Then I though of 2sun, I was like, yes? Very much. But then, finally out of nowhere I was... Oh my god this is Ruy and Hai.

The lights are off, he's taking off his coat (mm, yeah) I say, "I heard, oh That you've been out and about with some other girl" Some other girl He says, "What you heard is true, but I Can't stop thinking 'bout you, and I" I said, "I've been there too a few times"

Right? I mean... It was exactly why i thought about them.

Oh, you got that James Dean daydream look in your eye And I got that red lip classic thing that you like And when we go crashing down (and when we go) We come back every time 'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style

The gays literally never go out of style, that’s why we keep making them.

Out Of The Woods

Oh my baby, I love this song. Funny thing that when this about first launched, I didn’t like this song because I thought it was too repetitive but then when I came across while we were in the mood “nayoung x keun breakup fiasco thing”, I just fell in love with it. Because it’s literally Nayoung’s mind, I just- Yeah. I also I was just thinking about how it reminds me of Danbi and Daehyun too, somehow?

Looking at it now It all seems so simple We were lying on your couch I remember You took a Polaroid of us Then discovered (then discovered) The rest of the world was black and white But we were in screaming color

It makes so much sense, yes. I don’t have much to say about 1989 this album just speaks for itself, I just point the people that it speaks to.

Looking at it now Last December (last December) We were built to fall apart Then fall back together (back together) Your necklace hanging from my neck The night we couldn't quite forget When we decided, we decided To move the furniture so we could dance Baby, like we stood a chance

December? Does it ring a bell? Haha, we knew. 

Also, I gotta add this description by Genius, again: The repetitive nature of the chorus reinforces the idea that the fear and nerves that came with the relationship were overbearing and completely took over her thoughts. 

When you started crying, baby, I did too But when the sun came up, I was looking at you Remember when we couldn't take the heat? I walked out and said, "I'm setting you free" But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up, you were looking at me

I wanna cry this is so Nayoung and Keun, for god sakes... Finally they out of the woods kkkjkjk

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Anna and Kuen, I literally just thought of it. Before I thought of Haneul and Hyuntae, but honestly? Totally Anna and Kuen, I can literally see.

People like you always want back The love they gave away And people like me wanna believe you When you say you've changed The more I think about it now The less I know All I know is that you drove us Off the road

Yeah, I mean, I’m still out of words, I’m just trying to make my point cross effectively. 

Let me remind you This was what you wanted You ended it You were all I wanted  But not like this

Yes?? Also, she repeats the “stay” like a hundred times so, yeah.

Shake It Off

It is still Hailey to me, or just WNDR being goofyes in the dorm. Literally what Taylor says about this song just speaks to WNDR in a nutshell: I really wanted it to be a song that made people want to get up and dance at a wedding reception from the first drum beat. But I also wanted it to be a song that could help someone get through something really terrible if they wanted to focus on the emotional profile, on the lyrics.

But I keep cruisin' Can't stop, won't stop groovin' It's like I got this music in my mind Saying it's gonna be alright

So yeah, nothing more to say. 

I Wish You Would

I literally can’t stand the connections between Taylor’s songs and Harry anymore on genius, but here we go. This song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything.... So it did kinda reminded me of Nayoung and Keun, can you blame me, no? BecUASE LITERALLY ALL THIS ALBNUM Oh MY gOD, This is so Bonghu and Sanchan breakup days too... 

I wish you would come back Wish I never hung up the phone like I did, I Wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I live, and I Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good

Like, shut up?? It’s totally young Bonghu and Sanchan, okay? Okay.

It's 2AM in my room Headlights pass the window pane I think of you We're a crooked love in a straight line down Makes you want to run and hide But it makes you turn right back around

Hahahah, I soooo I’m right, I don’t knowkkjl.

Bad Blood.

THIS IS CHIHYE AND INNA. OH. MY. GOD. THIS IS SO CHIHYE AND INNA. ALSO. THIS IS 7SINS TO JULIE. KKKK IM DYING. Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?‘ she did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ .... 7SINS ABOUT JULIE, AND CHIHYE AND INNA ABOUT Hmm NothING THEY JUST BITTER (MAYBE BC BOTH MARRIED PYONGHO AND ONE LITERALLY FOR NOTJISNJKJ)

Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted Did you have to ruin what was shiny? Now it's all rusted Did you have to hit me where I'm weak?

I mean Julie literally kind of destroyed 7sins so I can see the point of anger, and Chihye is just a bitch so yeah...

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes You say sorry just for show If you live like that, you live with ghosts

Yes girls, that’s why them, in the end, make peace with each other is all good SPB is the bitch here c’mon... And I mean Chihye and Inna were never “friends” again because they never really saw each other again but Inna always made an effort and still wanted Chihye to be alright? So it’s true she lives with ghosts, she went nuts... But I wonder now if their friendship never ended because off status and guy problems, maybe... just maybe... Chihye would have moved on for a better life and maybe even Nayoung wouldn’t have been born and things would be good. In the other hand, 7sins was built to break because SPB was poor and hanging by a string, so all that shit just was the point of the iceberg so it was fine judging Julie for a while because she didn’t take it personally and when things were revealed that it indeed was for the best, they didn’t share grudges and just moved on with their lives like they were supposed to. 

Wildest Dreams.

We literally just talk about her, I mean Chihye is every tragic story about Taylor.. But, in a way, this could also be about Inna and Pyongho, or Lian and Chihye, it depends on the day. ALSO COULD BE OH MY GOD ARAKI AND KAYNKKKJ, yes. 

He said, "Let's get out of this town Drive out of this city, away from the crowds" I thought, "Heaven can't help me now" Nothing lasts forever But this is gonna take me down

OH, YES BRING ME THE TRAGIC BRING ME THE PAIN BRING ME THE SAD AND MEMORIES AND LONG LASTING LOVE AND YEEEEAAAAH. I’ll shut up.

He's so tall and handsome as hell He's so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins My one condition is

This just applies to Lian and Kayn, oh what a combination. Maybe not even them because they are nice too.

You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night Burnin' it down Someday when you leave me, I'd bet these memories Follow you around

Yes, Araki and Kayn & Lian and Chihye all in one song. Maybe I was just crazy with Pyongho and Inna, I don’t know, I get crazy all the time. This verse made me want to answer one of smutty times between Araki and Kayn, because literally all they do is fuck and miss each other.

How You Get The Girl

Finally, you are here Haneul and Hyuntae, I’ve waited to talk about how much this song is them because... You will see it. First Taylor says: It’s written for a guy who has broken up with his girlfriend, then wants her back after six months. But it’s not going to be as simple as sending a text like, ‘Sup? Miss you.’ That won’t work. You need to do all the things I say.

Stand there like a ghost Shaking from the rain, rain She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?" Say it's been a long six months And you were too afraid to tell her what you want

It wasn’t exactly like that, but a girl can imagine and not everything has to be right. First, because that’s literally Hyuntae realizing he did things wrong and missed his timing to explain things, but Haneul is just pissed at his ass. 

I want you for worse or for better I would wait forever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait forever and ever

Like I said, it wasn’t exactly like that but it was pretty similar. 

Remind her how it used to be, be, yeah-yeah With pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks Tell her how you must have lost your mind, ooh-ooh When you left her all alone And never told her why, why

I meAN, I MEAN??? CmOn. I love the “pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks” because it’s so cheesy and so Haneul and Hyuntae when they were dating, they probably do have pictures like that on their cellphones and at a time Haneul’s cheesy ass must even have one framed to give to Hyuntae. AND YOU LEFT HER ALL ALONE AND NEVER TOLD HER WHY, cmOn, yeah?kkjk Also lost your mind, yes, it was the anxiety talking, not Hyuntae, makes sense...

Anyways, I love this cheesy song because the beat, the lyrics, everything reminds me of Haneul and Hyuntae’s relationship not only as lovers but as friends too, you know? Yeah *sobs*

This Love

Oh, it’s Lian and Chihye again. Okay, let me think... yeah, can’t... Yeah. Also I was just about to go to the other song, when I thought “maybe this is Taewoon and Hojin” and then all of sudden... This is also Hansol and Chan-u.

This love is good, this love is bad This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

The sad melody, the way Taylor is whispering? I mean, almost makes me wanna cry because I love young Lian and Chihye just trying to survive. (( I also love young and innocent Hansol with wicked and confused Chan-u, how they managed to survive and still get married and shit? wHO KnoWS

Tossing, turning Struggled through the night with someone new And I could go on and on, on and on Lantern, burning Flickered in my mind, only you But you were still gone, gone, gone

Totally Chihye about being with Pyongho but wanting to be with Lian... LeT IT GO, GO IN TO THE LIGHT CHIHYEEEEEEE

Your kiss, my cheek I watched you leave Your smile, my ghost I fell to my knees When you're young, you just run But you come back to what you need

*sOBS*, this part is so sad what the fuckkkjk. DIE CHIHYE DIE I CANT TAKE YOUR SADNESS IN THIS ALBUM ANYMOre for god sakes. “when youre young, you just run but you come back to what you need” sounds like a board name,, OH MY GOD THIS COULD ALSO BE TAEWOON AND HOJIN OH MY GODKKKJK shut up ..... Hansol and Chan-u got married and Chihye is dead, get over it, life is good xd

I Know Places

I don’t really listen nor like this song, but the lyrics reminded me of Julie and Valak, i’m telling this album is about the terrible and twisted people. ALSO YURA AND CHIYO TOO BECAUSE THEY ARE GAY AND MEDIA IS A BITCH.

You stand with your hand on my waistline It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight I can hear them whisper as we pass by It's a bad sign, bad sign Something happens when everybody finds out See the vultures circling, dark clouds Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out It could burn out

This is also jenkai. 

Baby, I know places we won't be found And they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I know places we can hide I know places, I know places

For Julie and Valak the place is his car, that’s my theory. And Yura and Chiyo is just Japan... (jenkai is that park at midnight & jongin’s car). Oh my god, when Julie and Valak were discovered by dispatch imagine everyone like “valak drives?”

They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we run Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it My love

I’m addicted to this song now. 

Clean

My god I don’t know 2/4 of this album. It’s... Hansol and Chan-u, now that I remembered of them I simply won’t forget.

The drought was the very worst  When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst It was months and months of back and forth  You're still all over me Like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

See? I mean their relationship is very complicated, but according to genius this song is about getting over a heartbreak and moving on with your life to rediscover yourself and like Taylor said: When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day and planning fun dinner parties and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean....... Also, it reminded me of Haneul and Hyuntae. 

Ten months sober, I must admit Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it Ten months older, I won't give in Now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it

I’m speechless for both ships. Also they both risk it so... hHAHAJKk Oh my god this is so Kaili getting over Julie too jkjkk jeez But finally what she says in the end sends me: The hidden message to Clean is “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything.” This song is not just about losing someone you love – it’s also about losing yourself. Being clean is about moving on as a person and really taking care of yourself mentally.

Wonderland

How many songs are left for this, oh god... At this point I can only point Hansol and Chan-u too, I’m tired I’ve written to much. But because too: It is a description of a toxic relationship, from beginning to end. It uses the story of Alice In Wonderland as inspiration for the highs and lows of enjoying this state of relationship wanderlust, irrespective of negative consequences.

Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? Ooh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? I felt your arms twistin' around me I should have slept with one eye open at night

I seriously can’t take the Harry Styles on Genius anymore... You read this, you tell me who ship it is: https://genius.com/4254518

You Are In Love

I love this song *michael’s meme*. Seriously, ugh. Dedicated to all my lovebirds with a happy and healthy relationship who had been missing here because this album is so so very tragic and I haven’t got my time to mention them properly. Specially: Zeev and Eleanor, Kaili and Raye, Mark and Hana, Minhye and Jukan, Jinhyung and Kyungri... Who else?

Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt, he keeps his word And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough You kiss on sidewalks You fight and you talk

This reminded me of Eleanor and Zeev... 

One night, he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says "You're my best friend" And you knew what it was, he is in love

And this... Minhye and Jukan.

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out) You are in love, true love

And this... Jinhyung and Kyungri.

And so it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round And he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown And you understand now Why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words

Okay the “office downtown” reminded me of Keun and Nayoung... I’m telling, I love this song I just can’t pick one ship for it. Also this song Taylor wrote for her friends who are in love and this comment just cracked me up: Isn’t it much more likely (and adorable) to imagine Jack looking at a picture of Lena while he produces music in his home studio? kkkj 

New Romantics

THE BEST WAY TO FINISH THIS FINALLY CAUSE IM SO TIRED. LETS JUST LISTEN AND APPRECIATE FOR God sakes its been an hour.

just appreciate me screaming the lyrics of this song in telegram when it cames.

[yourereallyhere]

tagged by @historyandships @iishallbelieve <333

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? Uhhhhh I literally have no idea bc we don’t really know about a lot of the stations / what they did. I’m in pre-med so maybe Go-Sci because that’s where Ark Station Medical is? I just looked up all the stations but I really have no idea. good question though. if anyone wants to respond with what they know about they stations that’d be !sick!

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? I’m kind of a goody-two shoes but if there was a curfew then maybe that. Or defending someone (I'd like to think)

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? It’s hard to think of what I would or wouldn’t do considering that I've never even been close to being in their shoes but I don't think so

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) hmmmm maybe a dog??

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? wow so many minor characters have died it’s hard to remember. Is wells a minor character considering he was only in a few episodes? if yes then him. if not then Jake. let us go back in time and bring him back season six </3 but not like before Clarke was arrested like present show time bring him back

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Clarke, Bellamy, Murphy, Roan, Monty. I wanna say Raven but we’re in a fight right now.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to?  Louwada Kliron Kru SO COLORFUL

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? Lian (?? whatever Leeann is in trig)

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. Honestly I never liked him he was so weird and cocky and in his first 2 seconds in the show the people who followed him died and then he jumped off the drop ship in front of Murphy like wooOOWW Finn ur sewww coooool and and then he cheated on his girlfriend who risked her life to be with him like idk? couldn't you wait more than a week and half??? and then he literally massacred a village like ik people have done a lot of shitty things but they were posing no threat whatsoever. they tried to redeem him with the spacewalker backstory but I didn’t really feel for him :/ I don’t think he deserves the insane amount of villianization (is that a word?) he gets in fits and stuff but I also don’t think he’s the good guy they introduce him as

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I think without knowing most people would say yes and on one hand I don’t do drugs and it seemed super drug-like so I probably wouldn’t but on the other hand emotionally this has been the worst year of my life bc I went through a medical thing so maybe?

11. What character do you relate to most? I think lately Murphy bc my life is literally Murphy’s law ( ha ha no pun intended ) and I kind of feel like a lot of things are working against me but I'm still here bitchesssss

12. What character do you like the least? ABBY I literally have hated her since the first episode and I wish she could die without it breaking my baby Clarkes heart but I know it would kill her to lose her so I'm kind of in a pickle. and jaha before he died was the WOAT 

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) Loose jeans or something similar and a t-shirt with a comfy jacket and the closest thing they have to Blundstones boots

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? butterflies

15. What would your job be on the Ark? something in med bay

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? obvi

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? Aiden

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? if I was around other people and it was a good effect then lots of dancing I think but if I was alone and it had a bad effect like with Clarke and Bellamy then I would be pretty sad 

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? Neither. id probably try and set up some sort of judicial system and figure it out with a group of people

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? Clarke with Bellamy as her right hand and some others (including Kane) as a council. Their main concern was relations with the grounders and the people who have actually communicated with them should be in charge of that 

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? Kane’s

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? the iPod. idk how they survived this long without music.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? I don't like having permanent things on my body especially when its not symmetrical asdfghjk but maybe like a small meaningful tattoo?? hair would be two dutch braids or just down and war paint maybe the black line on the face like in season five?

24. Favorite quote? too many to choose from but literally anything bellarke. a few that jump to mind are “but we need each other Bellamy. the only way we’re gonna pull this off is together” “you keep her centered / you got it backwards” “I’ve got you for that” “if I'm on that list you're on that list” “we can’t lose her” oh and non bellarke “If only a conscience was a free pass, and not just a voice in your head you pretend to listen to between unspeakable acts.” is a good one

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? Murphy or Bellamy 

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE Braven (I don't mean to offend but they just used each other for sex, I love their friendship) / but for actual canon relationship Kabby (but only because everything abby does bothers me), marper (too pure for this world pls let more good things happen on this show), niytaviah (so! much! sexual! and! romantic! tension!)

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen for those rover ~vibes~ / Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith / Love Like by Peter Collins, and show guest star Brie Larson, Gemma Chan, or, selfishly, Chris Hemsworth 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? party and watch movies and sexy time

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? I’m the guy who died first when the scouts attacked in season 1 bc that’s my luck

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? Bellamy

31. A character you’d bang? umm if you know me you know the answer to this is my homeboy Bellamy he can do whatever he wants to me

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden? I wanna say eden but being alone would suck so space

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground? I guess I'd have to because if not I would die uk and I would read if that was possible. if not I'd get some friends

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? stealing supplies

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? Harper, and if Bellamy wasn’t too depressed to hang out then him too. Most difficult would be echo

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? not long at all

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? Hide, the valley is literally huge. or wait in the village bc no one is taking it over bitchhhh if they wanna talk then talk

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? Diyoza, McCreary

39. Would you Spacewalk? no im so scared of getting lost in space

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? space algae

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? nahhh I said the valley was huge before and I meant it, they're all overreacting just share it bruh

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? thumb drives into bullet holes

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? 100% also he kind of knew she would wake up. if I was her sister then the same as Bellamy. if not then kill her.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? Cryo

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? Bellarke

tagging @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky @anne-shirley-blythe @fen-ha-fuck-you @talistheintrovert @prophecy-gurl @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

♡ allerasermic

aaahhHHhH comrade what have i done to be blessed with this gift?? such happiness??? i love allrasermic more than anything thank you thank you! (i have soooo many hcs so im just gonna put a few of my favorites)

I really like the idea that they have different but still very loving dynamics with eachother, like mic and aizawa tend to joke around and tease eachother more than they do with toshi bc theyve known eachother longer, so for example mic calls toshi things like “sweetie” and “honey” and he affectionately calls aizawa “cockgoblin” (aizawa calls both of them shit like “fake tit” or “used bandaid”, but he does it with love)

mic constantly uses meme slang and toshi, having no idea what it means, picks it up in all innocence which culminates in him saying “BUST A NUT” at the start of a sports festival one year bc he thinks it means the same thing as “break a leg”. aizawa wants death. 

one thing mic and aizawa can agree on is that toshi needs to be protected at all costs (mostly from himself because he tends to push himself too hard and has zero chill in any context ever), even so they don’t always agree on how to show this protectiveness with aizawa mostly tending to get frustrated at toshi bc “LET US TAKE CARE OF YOU DAMMIT” and hizashi being more patient (bc hes used to fUCKING AIZAWA DOING THE SAME SHIT) 

mic and toshi should NEVER under aNY circumstances be left alone together. ever. they’re a fucking echo chamber of extra, constantly encouraging eachother to new heights of absurdity, hence why aizawa’s birthday party had a fucking bounce house and an insane clown posse cover band performance, these two can go to the store to buy milk and come back with no milk and three roombas, somehow aizawa ends up being the voice of reason in the relationship, help them 

aizawa and toshi have the most friction between them but it’s more due to their similarities than their differences- toshi’s overbearing positivity can be a bit much of course but in the end it reminds aizawa of hizashi and he does admire toshis resilience and willingness to see the good in things, but they both have the same determination and spirit of self-sacrifice and struggle to accept help when they need it (toshi’s very used to hiding his pain for the sake of appearances and reassuring others and aizawa tends to isolate and get annoyed at anyone who tries to pull him out of it) which can lead to arguments from time to time, luckily mic is really good at getting them both to calm down and make up

THERE IS SO MUCH CUDDLING WITH THESE THREE OH MY FUCK, toshi really loves hugs, both really hard tight ones and also just walking up behind mic or aizawa and gently wrapping his arms around them (and resting his chin on top of their heads bc theyre so cute and smol, he doesnt do this with aizawa too often or he’ll get his ass beat) and sometimes these hugs morph into cuddle sessions and its always very soft and gentle, aizawa does complain that its hard to get comfortable sometimes since toshis so fuckin bony, he’ll just nestle up to his chest and mutter “you have too many bones” which toshi finds vaguely ominous but decides not to comment on, mic always makes sure to give his bfs plenty of soft little kisses while theyre cuddling, especially aizawa even tho his prickly stubble can get in the way

aizawa and toshi are both ace af and mic is N O T but of course he loves and supports them anyway and would never try to push them into doing something they weren’t comfortable with (even if he does want to have all might texas smash his ass)

mic and aizawa constantly tease toshi about how tall he is, they’ll be cuddled up under blankets like “nope u cant join us, shorties only” only for mic to immediately start bawling as toshi starts walking away like “NO COME BACK BABE WE DIDNT MEAN IT I LOVE YOU”, toshi gets back at them both tho by just stretching his neck up whenever they want to kiss like “oh im sorry, i would kiss you, but you’re all the way down there” until aizawa just yanks one of his hair noodles and kisses him anyway 

if anyone ever wants to hear more allrasermic hcs or any more specific ones pls hmu i could talk about these three all day i love them so much

[lone-hand]

THE MANY, DIFFERENT FACES AND VOICES OF UNCLE PHIL

UNCLE PHIL, CHURCH OF AQUARIUS, BORN WINNER...Personas or caricatures from the mind of Phil Osborne . Phil is a musician, artist, film maker, animator, and general renaissance man. His music and art all come from the same world, it’s Gremlins meets Carpenter meets Pee Wee’s Playhouse meets Monty Python meets Uncle Phil. Phil lived inside this world in his Monster Party Galleries (1&2) in Victoria BC and now he is living in Montréal. Here we talk about his Church of Aquarius album Obliged with Tact and Etiquette::::

“I think there's as much truth, if not more truth in something comedic.”

When/where did you start recording Obliged with Tact and Etiquette?

I started writing and recording material for it in the summer of 2012. I went to Victoria BC to visit some friends and wrote the first song, high as a kite, out of nowhere to make my friends laugh, a sort of fake british psychedelic pop song. I was trying to sound like monty python trying to be early pink floyd. I recorded a simple demo of it and everyone loved it.

After I had that first song done, I started thinking i should do a whole album as an homage to all things british i love. Music with that sensibility I love so much, pipers at the gates of dawn and syd barrett are the main influence, the beatles too of course. The voice I use is pretty much my impression of the Jeremy Hillary boob phd character in yellow submarine. I threw in some fake Shakespeare in humbug,your majesty, I even put a tea brake in the middle of that song. 

Over the next 4 years, I wrote lots of music for it. I re-recorded some of the songs more than 3 times to get it just right. I also got help from my friend Leigh Newton ( daiquiri, major entertainer, the sun through a telescope,world war 4 ect..). he’s an amazing musician and can play everything. He re-did high as a kite his way and gave it more kick. I released that as the 7 inch with the b side sung in french.

So OWTAE is your “British” album?

Besides the brit stuff, the music from the quebecois tv show passe partout is another one it's like folk and electronic. Pierre f. brault wrote the tunes. I rediscovered the show and the records and the whole thing is serious genius. Plains of Avadoon is a tip of the hat to them.

Are the stories told on this album true stories or is it all fictional?

They are all a bit autobiographical. I used the feeling of being 19, lost and stoned as a guide for some of the songs. Going to see the magician is about those nights I spent with a friend as we walked across town or drove to go see this drug dealer ( the magician ). We always had to avoid running into police in my small town of Gatineau, they are insane and can easily stop you for no reason (watch out, there's pigs in the dark..) Past the train tracks and the tombstone sea is about the secret passage i use to go to my parents house, a path i have walked so many times since i was a teen.

Would you say OWTAE is a comedy album first and foremost or does that even matter? 

I tried to keep all the songs in a good mood. It's supposed to be an upper. If it makes someone laugh and smile, it's a good thing. 

Is music too self serious right now?

i think there's as much truth, if not more truth in something comedic. Something serious can often make you laugh anyway, so is there really a difference? As for bands being too serious, let's be more specific and describe them as bands that aren't trying to get laughter as a response. That's definetly the popular approach out there and it gets stale after awhile. We need a bit more wackyness in our music. At least some contrast, damn it! I want to hear different moods in a bands set. i don't want the same song 12 times, and upping the tempo ain't good enough. Do a dumb song and follow it up with a sad country tune. Why not? Aren't we all kind of moody people? Sad on Tuesday morning, wacky on Wednesday night?

Amen. So then how do you decide if something is an Uncle Phil/Church Of Aquarius/Born Winner recording?

At first i couldn't decide on a name for my music since it was just a crazy mix of styles with 60s to 90s influences. I just called it Uncle Phil, real simple. Then I decided to split my influences in half : church of aquarius for all things 60s and 70s, born winner for all things 80s and 90s. I'm gonna use the uncle phil music name as the music publishing name just for fun instead.

“I used the feeling of being 19, lost and stoned as a guide”

Are these characters you or do you always write music in character?

I'm not even sure there's a difference. I end up doing so many takes of the songs, I live the stories and I become one with the characters. It's serious shit, yo.

But does your music and video and artwork more or less exist in the same world?

i like to think it doesn't. A big part of the fun of making art is you get to create new worlds. Of course every world needs characters and stories. Every song, robot toy, puppet or drawing is a diferent character and sometimes they inhabit the same world. I make the albums like they're movies. Each song is in a specific order. 

Your writing is almost like a stream of conscious, and everything is done at home with efficiency and speed, can you explain your recording process a little?

It usually starts with a song title and the words flow out right after. The melody comes when I read the lyrics over and over again. Walking outside helps with that. The mood of the lyrics defines the melody i hear in my head. It's basicaly either funny, dark, wacky or mysterious. Sometimes I write an instrumental part on guitar or keyboard and then i keep that on the shelf. I write some lyrics way later and then remember that part i wrote a while back and it fits with the lyrics. the real work is not writing them. it's getting the right sound quality, arranging and then mixing. That last part in the song birth process is the hardest and least fun for me. It usually ends with a deadly migraine! I gotta hire help for that at some point.

Did that process change in any way during the creation of OWTAE?

This lp is more intricate with arrangements than past things which were usually done on the spot. I learned that sometimes a simple demo of a song has more magic than a refined recording of the song . That’s why im putting out diferent versions of the album. Demos and alternate mixes, at least on tape, made available at shows. Kenneth J. Maclaurin made me an amazing cover for it and each tape will be a diferent colour variation of it. One for each season.

“Making movies is like trying to express yourself in slow motion. In quick sand. Music is a nice little walk in the woods.”

Is your work an homage or was everything always an homage? 

I would say all of my art is pretty much all an homage and there's nothing wrong with that. The music i'm making is for sure, the sound and references are specific to time periods. I think we all try and alter the things we love in the art we make, we celebrate it. I guess a person or band is original in the sense that instead of just doing a byrds cover or something, you write a song that kind of captures their sound. Maybe you add another influence in there if it feels right. So what started as a sort of attempt to imitate created an original piece. that's good. I think imitation is usually not as conscious and mechanical as the word makes it sound. The song you wrote that sounds like a band you like came out of having their music in your blood. It's gonna come out of you when you least expect it. It's natural and healthy and then you can do so many alternate combinations with music, it never gets boring. You can make that imitation byrds song and stick a distorted tuba or a vocoder in there to switch it up. Go nuts! 

On the topic of art, have you got other art projects you are working on right now? Any animation?

Mostly music related stuff every day lately but i need to continue making and selling toys now that i know what works and what doesn't. I'm getting back into that, gotta move these robots and monkey paws again! I’m working on a short called douche bag. 

I’ve done animated videos for a fair amount of bands. daiquiri, giallos flame, babysitter and fuck the facts among them, but animation is literally back breaking work and when I get involved with that again it's as a writer or director. Drawing thousands of drawings is dangerous for me. I’m more interested in puppets now since you dont have to animate every frame of a character's mouth moving. I have many projects in mind for puppets and they are slowly coming into this reality. 

(for music) Born winner as a one man live act is in the works, more church of aquarius shows, albums for both projects on the way, an album of me covering some film music such as empire strikes back....

What's happening with ghoul street?

Ghoul Street is a short feature puppet horror comedy i'm working on. It's bigger than my other projects. This involves getting a fair amount of people to help. Some human actors, lots of voice overs etc... It will see the light of day at some point, it's just a matter of time. Most of the puppets are made and are all waiting in an attic somewhere...

Is music your favourite art form? How is making music different from making a film or drawing? 

I get to express myself quickly with a song. The song's words and melody come out naturally, lyrics are nowhere near as complicated as writing a story. I get a lot out of it. If there's a chip on your shoulder, writing and singing a song about it takes care of that better than any other art form. You can make music pretty easily with just your voice or one instrument, you don't need much. Of course, that simple demo must evolve into a carefully arranged and well played recording but it's still easier than animation. Making movies is like trying to express yourself in slow motion. In quick sand. Music is a nice little walk in the woods. 

[resmarted]

here i am again, smashing the crystal vases and good china, ravaging the beautiful dining room and chucking antiques across the room. i want to be done here, i want to be done here! i want to move on, but to what? i can’t remember how to even be a person, i can’t find the light and this tunnel is so dark and endless, we don’t even have headlights to guide us. i came here to bring you on a date in the stylings of nineties classic it takes two starring kirstie alley and the olsens, except instead of mka we are switching them out for young taylor swifts, that’s right two of them, which is all i could think about the entire time i rewatched it again. so here goes nothing, we open on a street corner in philly because this is our version and the ahhccents are gonna be mewr sewth philly than ahhhnything. taylor swift number one, let’s call her taytay the scrappy orphan that has self-professed lousy english like aintcha gonna wanna git ewta here before they catcha? nobody even blinks and in pigtails and a worn out backwards baseball cap on her head, this ten year old who is probably played by an eight year old swift bc coming from a fellow tall person we just sprout from the crib it’s nuts, i’ve always looked older than i was from being tall. so eight year old swift is playing ten year old scrappy orphan taytay who is always chewing gum and has a baseball bat as kirstie alley (YOU.) look out the window and yell at her like, cmahhn tay! you got an appt with the butkis’ and i told u not to get that dress dirty! and tiny taylor chewing gum is like awww cuhmuhhhhhn doi-anne! just lemme knahck this one outta the pawrk first! that’s not the line it’s something else referencing the fact that they’re playing in the middle of the street of their inner city neighborhood. she is the pretty white girl of the orphanage so it makes no sense she hasn’t been adopted but is of course the star athlete of the kids and favorite of the social worker you-kirstie alley. she is accosted by kids and called a reject and lil taytay’s all why i awwwghta! she’s making her best >:| face, and pop goes the weasel she hits the ball and probably breaks a window or something and as she runs to the cab the kids are like, the butkis ppl are creeps that collect kids! and taytay is tayrrified before threatening the other kids with her fists in the air as the cab drives away. cut to a close up of a nineties cellphone and private plane landing, and taylor number two is wearing a practical pantsuit in beige and just won another piano competition, and she overpronounces all of her t’s at the end of her words. let’s call her fancita. yes i’m serious, i’m already so tired and bored of this story, it was way more exciting after rewatching the other night. whatever this story is just a remix of the parent trap anyway and that’s why we have two baby swifts and don’t ask me why, don’t ask me why i’ve taken you this far down the rabbithole but let’s just keep going until we find each other. so fancita is an aristocratic princess that plays tennis and i don’t know, i’m just trying to get to the part where they are like omg let’s get this social worker and rich man who has a cell phone company before that’s even a thing, and while orphan taytay is in danger of becoming the next adopted butkis - which in this version is just straight up trafficking ring i mean come on, they were pedos and it was heavily insinuated in the movie, but basically she’s in danger of being adopted into an abusive hellhole and fancitay is like hey girl hey! when her butler arrives to pick her up from her private jet. the nineties always portrayed wealth with these long ridiculous limos and british butler limo drivers, which as we now all know rich people are just driven in cars w tinted windows and the only people riding in limos are seniors in high school, but i digress. she meets her new soon-to-be stepmother, also played by taylor swift, present day style. she’s all, when i was your age i had already been through three stepmothers, you’ll be in a tibetan boarding school as soon as the wedding is over tomorrow! for this she is in her satanic red high priestess dress from lwymmd, golden snake rings at all. actually let’s just say at some point she’s bathing in diamonds as well, i mean there are many versions of her current snake-embraced image that we can use for this but that’s not the point, it is that im not even in love with grown taylor swift! i am just trying to fill the void of my dead wife who loved children and built a camp conveniently across from the literal castle we live in. i haven’t been there since, pushes back hair like sigh, since she died ten years ago right after fancitay was born. i’m all, cell phones, i hate the damn things. back when i invested in them everyone thought it was just something out of star trek and now i’m a lonely billionaire marrying snake taylor in a haze of confusion and thinking that’s what i should do, fancita needs a mother after all. you’re a tough talking protective mama bear that wants to adopt orphan taytay but you’re just a social worker and what? the butkis’ already had the paperwork go through to adopt her?? i come to find you after a failed horse meetup planted by the taylor twins to apologize for leaving you to get yelled at by steptaylor, and you’re like look keep your fancy cell phone company lifestyle and keep it moving, bucko! in the movie they get into a food fight but i’m not trying to go that deep, but basically we fight until you, an enraged four foot two version of kirstie alley okay you’re actually just a tiny goth and i’m a clumsy ogre, that part never changes. you push me with all your might, not necessary trying to push me into the river but it happens and i’m all, oh my god i feel like a kid again! this must be love! okay but seriously, that part’s the realest. i do feel like a kid again, and this must be love, mustn’t it? what will our tiny taylors tell us? we don’t know what it is or why, but it makes sense because we feel it, i can feel you. even when you say to your fellow social worker friend (played by your bandmate and beloved drummer) guys like that only date girls with food names like candy or muffin or cookie, and princess taylor disguised as orphan taylor turns around from her archery practice, greatly offended and snapping back, his dead wife was a teacher that loved kids and built this camp and she wasn’t a food her name was kathy with a k played by kourtney in a brief shot of her glamorously in a casket but dripping in jewels and hands delicately crossed over her chest. whatever, goth kourtney fantasies are not the point ok i know that. you look at princess taylor disguised as pauper taylor and are like well excuse me jeez, you don’t gotta bully me over it. sigh so then the state comes for her and accidentally send my daughter to some terrifying child sex ring that nightmares are made of and turned into dateline episodes, and this one is no less horrifying. orphan taylor shows the butler various scars and marks and bruises to show that she’s a fraudulent child that happens to just be another cute blonde that adults didn’t look closely enough at and notice bc they aren’t actually twins in this story, they’re just strangers that look alike. which honestly is prob when they first really started making the olsens insane irl like, pitting them against each other by pointing out fraternal differences and how one was the cute one the other was just the sister oh, don’t even get me started, dear. steptaylor comes home with ultra long extensions like repunzel after sneaky orphan taylor put gum in her hair. the original she gets it all cut off and suddenly her loss of beauty is signified by a short haircut which is so dumb and we just can’t agree with something so stupid, so in this she comes back with thousands of dollars worth of hair that isn’t hers just to prove her worth and appeal, which honestly is much sadder than a short sassy do any day. we get to the home of the butkis’ but no one answers and a neighbor who in the actual movie looks exactly like mike, like no shit just put a bass on him and it’s like every dude in a band probably but him specifically - unless i hallucinated it, the point is! he originally says oh that guy works those kids into the ground at the factory all day, or something like that, but in this version maybe he just shudders bc everyone just gets the pervy vibe from this butkis guy. the door gets kicked in as they are just about to initiate her into the butkis cult of abuse, and i don’t know i think it just ends with like, kirstie alley and the dad kissing? like they don’t get married or anything i don’t think. which leaves so many questions open like, if they do end up getting married, will the taylors become friends? will fancita resent taytay for taking up space and attention away? or will she be so grateful for good mother that everything will be fine and normal and fall into place? it seems like they’re all destined to end up on doctor phil. i mean, what happens when this bonehead (me) doesn’t continue to invest properly and his dumb luck cell phone business inevitably plummets because by the late nineties they’re a dime a dozen and each one is a sinking ship. what happens when they go bankrupt and all have to be poor, will they stay together? will princess taylor be like this is all your fault you’re bad luck with your poor people vibes! bc she can’t understand the crashing economy and how this is just what happens to people, one day you can be rich and the next totally broke, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. are you going to still love me even though i am horrible at saving money is what i’m asking? like, can you just quietly move money around in my accounts for me and put stuff in my savings when i’m not looking? because if i see literally any extra change i’m going to be like time to go eat giant cheeseburgers and drink ourselves into a coma! i got a groupon for a hotel stay in florida, let’s road trip! i know what your biggest concern is besides money and it’s because i know you like the back of my head (not at all), but the answer is no, steptaylor drowns in a sea of snakes at some point because i don’t have time for a decent end for her. i feel like it should be more feminist, like maybe she gets a job slinging mary kay and in the process realizes not only is she a boss at making her own income but that she doesn’t even need the amount of makeup she had been using before. she has like her own spiritual journey in the background somewhere far, far away from us and our super exclusive love, as well as our twin daughters taylor one and taylor two. i have completely forgotten their names by now but i’m just here to see if you even still love me. well? do you??? i’m just trying to prepare you for when i’m like, starting every other sentence with “you know when my wife died…” at really inappropriate times like, to a cashier in the checkout line or just in bed when we are having a romantic evening that i was bound to spoil in one way or another, so it may as well be with dead wife talk. you will probably just laugh and attempt to smother me with a pillow for being so, so embarrassing. i miss you i love you i hate you i don’t know you. i want you. do i ever even say anything else anymore? i mean it is halloween season so technically i don’t have to be original, right? you are the only ghost i could ever truly love, and that’s saying a lot seeing as how i arrived to this world haunted. pls tho, don’t ever stop being my best boo.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful