#but im still going to be there for them the best i can cause they dont deserve to be abandoned when theyre struggling
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honeytonedhottie · 8 hours ago
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decentering men and recentering urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:・💅🏽💓
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the secret to decentering men and not having ur entire world revolving around them (bcuz it should be revolving around you, duh) is having a fulfilling life. it makes me ICK so bad when im watching a video or reading a post and im rly loving it, and then it'll find SOME way to make it revolve around men. like can we not?…💬🎀
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WHY WE CENTER THE OPPOSITE SEX ;
a lot of people find themselves centering their lives around the opposite sex in an attempt to fill a void within themselves. they do it because they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, or maybe its learned behavior. whatever the reason is, its NOT hot.
some things that someone who centers men might think are "oh my life is so boring, maybe it would be spiced up if i got with a man" or "maybe it'll bring some excitement into my day" like EUGHHH. obviously the solution is to find ways to make our lives fulfilling but how do we do that? and how do we get to the root cause and squash this self sabotaging behavior?
SELF AWARENESS ;
if u have nothing going on for u, ofc ur gonna be energetically desperate and accepting anything and EVERYTHING. practice self awareness and try to get to the root cause of why u center men through things like shadow work, therapy, or just straight up having an honest conversation with urself cuz i swear it helps.
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when you make the conscious effort to build ur dream life you'll notice that people that are on the same mindset as you will vibe with the REAL you. the need to fake/adjust urself to fit in with other people will dissipate because ur fitting into ur own standards and ur connections will be more meaningful because of it.
TAKE UR POWER BACK ;
no ones actions should ruin ur day or make u upset for more then a day (even less) cuz its YOUR world. 💕🍰
make time for YOU, doll. plan self care routines for urself every week. doing face masks, journalling, vision boarding, WHATEVER U LIKE TO DO. making time for urself reminds u that ur the main character of ur life so u dont have to settle for crumbs.
stop giving that power to someone else and dictate how u feel, NOT the actions of a significant other or the opposite sex or anybody. the reason why its important to make sure that ur the center of ur own life is so that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of if there is a man or if there isnt a man present. so the objective is to decenter men -> and then put yourself at the center
GET A HOBBY ;
find something to make ur life fulfilling. pursue ur OWN interests and try out different hobbies if ur unsure of what ur interests are yet. cultivate ur world to the point where it GLEAMS with perfection and then do a little extra. build a life that u love so much that whether u get male attention or validation doesnt even matter cuz their opinions have little to no relevance 💀
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challenge yourself: next time you catch yourself thinking, ‘would a guy like this?’ flip it and ask urself "hey, do i like this?" start checking with yourself first instead of checking with others.
MAKING THE DECISION TO DECENTER MEN ;
decentering men simply means that ur deciding to no longer think, feel, act, dress, or plan ur life around a man or for the validation of any man…💬🎀
relationships will actually get BETTER when u decenter the opposite sex. cuz ur not looking for someone to compete with and ur whole on ur own. this sets the stage for balance and mutual respect and THATS hot.
you can be in a relationship and still decenter men. decentering men simply means that you are the priority, not the relationship. how can we tell if we're decentering men or not? here are a few questions to help you know if u are ->
if i did not care about looking good to the opposite sex what would i actually like to wear?
if i did not get married, how could i create the best and most abundant life for myself?
what hobbies/interests do i have that dont involve being around men/have male attention as a component of it?
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xxplastic-cubexx · 3 days ago
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maybe controversial take, but i like to think of erik being mostly a huge ladies’ man (look at all the bitches he gets canonically, he can’t NOT love the ladies) but charles is just...... this HUGE exception, lmfao. for a while he was totally oblivious to the fact that he was into charles like that but then one day it smacked him HARD across the face that their Very Special Friendship is actually romantic. he’s since embraced being a bisexual disaster but before charles he had no clue.
would be even funnier if erik and charles had already fooled around a couple times before erik actually realized he was attracted to him. who among us hasn’t fucked their completely platonic bro??
it cant be a controversial take if youre onto something my friend .....
#snap chats#now some might say that a beautiful woman and charles xavier are not that different. are they right? who's to say really.#erik spedning time with charles and getting that gross feeling in his chest known as love and just thinking#'ah yeah no this is simply because charles is an esteemed colleague of mine whom i respect immensely'#completely ignoring the homosexual ideas he has in the back of his mind he is forcibly ignoring those. Charles Is His Friend. His Ally.#but does erik want him to be more ........ dare he think it .... nay ......... he is being foolish ....#it is only because charles was the first mutant he knew .. that is why he feels so special about him... surely no other reason ...#surely not because his Intelligent-If-Not-Frustratingly-Idealistic friend is incredibly handsome with beautiful lips and gorgeous eyes no..#lowkey is canon tho .... like it is gen so funny how often these two will say Very Flowery Shit about each other#like guys thats ..... hm ..... far beyond anything id say about my friend really !!!!!! maybe im just an asshole tho idk !!!!#im still not over that bit where charles was like 'yeah erik and i spend hours if not days on the phone. our wives are very confused'#girl your wives are confused cause theyre still yalls wives they are going to divorce yall so you two can get together instead 😭😭#in any case ... always a big fan of What Are We hcs ... shit makes me laugh forever ...#wdym yall basically raise a mansion of kids and talk about being each others everythings and youre still like 'we're just friends right'#my guy can be eight inches in his best friend and still be like 'surely this what all friends do'. ridiculous. i love them.
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umblrspectrum · 9 minutes ago
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happy solvermas
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sexysturn · 1 day ago
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MAKE YOU MINE.
FWB!BSF!DRIVER!CHRIS x DRUNK!READER
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warnings: SMUT. mentions of being used for your body, sex while drunk, fingering, oral f!recieving, spitting on face/in mouth (???), squirting, getting caught, creampie, unprotected p in v (dont do this), names: “good girl, baby, ma, slut, darling, love, etc”.
summary: you and chris have always felt something besides just a fling for each other, its just never been said out loud. but you, madison, and nick decide to go out for the night. you forget to tell your best friend chris where youre going, and you get a little too drunk, nick and madison cant drive, so chris has to drive you home. but theres too much tension for chris to handle himself tonight.
not proofread.
authors note: this has a VERY long intro guys sorry whoopsie i locked in
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i cant focus my eyes on anything. the whole room is filled with purple and pink lights. all i hear is the muffled laughter and conversations in the bar and my friend madison screaming something at what i have to assume is nick.
“NICKKK THIS IS MY SONGGGG” madison drunkenly shouts, slurring her words almost more than mine. “NO WAYY!!” nick yells.
nick is the only sober one out of me and madison. i dont know how or why he is even dealing with us right now.
“nick!” i shout over the katy perry song thats playing for the fourth time tonight, and the large crowd of guys hitting on madison, hoping he hears me. he scans the crowd til he connects eyes with me. “is everything okay?” he says in my ear once he makes his way next to me through the group of grown men flirting with madison.
“nick fuck i think i- i forgot to tell chris where i went with you and mads” i say as i slur my words and almost fall over into nicks arms a solid three times. “shit its okay,” nick reassured me, “he probably assumed you went somewhere with me and madison when we left the house anyway its alright”
“n- no. hes gonna be mad” i say, realizing i havent even checked my phone for God knows how long to text him. shit.
all of a sudden i dart to where nick, madison and i left our bags, leaving nick confused contemplating on whether he should chase after me or not.
i text chris, hoping hes not mad. he hasnt texted me since i left, that cant be good.
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me:
hi chris
chris:
what the fuck. ive been so worried about you why haven’t my texts gone through since you left!?
me:
shit im sorry i didnt twll you where i went i just assumed you knew where njck and madison were going cause you knew i was goibg with them.
shit i cant spell, hes gonna know im drunk as fuck
chris:
no i didnt fucking know you were going with them, plus none of my texts have sent to them either!! where the fuck are you do you need me to come get you??? are you drunk!?
me:
im at the bar dowb by the beacj but no i dont need you to come ger me
chris:
you didnt answer my other question, are you drunk?
me:
no
chris:
liar. im omw.
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fuck.
i scan through the massive crowd with my purse clutched to my side trying to find nick or madison, preferably both.
i spot nick, talking to some random guy. i probably startled this poor guy when i ran up to nick basically bashing into his arm trying to tell him that chris is on the way to come get me and he seems mad.
nick has always known chris is protective of me. nick also looks worried for me, scanning me up and down. “you sure you want chris to see you out partying drunk as hell in that dress…”
he hands me his leather jacket and puts it on one of my arms and before i know it i feel a cold hand grab me by the forearm before i can fully put nicks jacket on.
its chris.
im getting practically dragged away by him, my visions still blurry, and my thoughts disoriented.
i get in chris’ car outside and he starts interrogating me.
“why didnt you tell me where you went!? what if something happened to you?!! why didnt you text me at all??”
im overwhelmed by all the questions, i can barely think. “im sorry, chris!” i shout “i figured you’d assume i went with nick and madison to the bar and it slipped my mind to text you.”
chris is silent after what i say, i glance over confused.
chris’ gaze is taken by the outfit i have on. a dark red sequin dress with holes at the sides exposing most of my waist, and a scarily low v neck which exposes my tits which are damn near about to fall out the dress.
“what are you thinking wearing that,” he says protectively, “are you trying to get laid by some random guy at the bar!?”
“no”
no? thats all im able to say? why am i nervous?
“hm. maybe ill knock some sense into you later then, teach you its not alright to display yourself like that to everyone” chris huffs.
what does that mean?
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chris is silent the rest of the drive home, so am i.
we make it home and chris brings me to his room, giving me some of his clothes to change into.
boxers and a baggy “boston” t shirt.
i decide to change in his room because im too drunk to walk anymore and get to a bathroom. i ask chris for help unzipping my dress.
he comes and helps me, he gets dangerously close to my jawline with his fingers running up and down my back, to my collarbones, which is very unnecessary.
a shiver goes down my spine as he unzips my dress.
all of a sudden, he pulls and drops my dress to my ankles and acts like it was an accident.
“shit sorry” he turns around.
i dont say anything.
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we are in his bed watching some random movie, and i feel his cold hand graze over my thigh, causing me to shiver again against my will.
“y’know, that dress was really pretty on you,” he says to me without hesitation. “t- thank you?”
i cant tell if he’s joking and messing with ms caise he is still mad, or if he’s being serious.
“ive always thought you were pretty.” he whispers. “im sorry i got mad earlier. i just dont want other people seeing you and thinking they can use you, you were so drunk”
“i know but i had it under control”
“did you? did you have it under control when you told nick earlier that me and you have hooked up before.”
what.
i did not do that. i couldnt have. was i really that drunk??
next thing i know i feel his hand trace up my thigh again and get scarily close to my core, which was growing embarrassingly wet from the memories of our last hookup now running through my mind, and all the shit chris did when he was unzipping my dress.
his hand finally reaches my core, he rubs circles around my clothed clit.
“you wanna dress like a slut at the bar, huh?” he hisses. “and you wanna get so shitface drunk that you accidentally tell my brother what me and you did?”
“i- im sorry, chris.”
“dont be.”
he stops rubbing my clit and he traces the band of the boxers on me, slowly pulling them down.
“youve always been a slut,” he throws the blanket off of us and pulls my boxers fully off, exposing my glistening pussy to the cold air of his room. “see. youre wet from me getting angry arent you, ma” he slaps my sensitive pussy, making me wince.
“y- yes” i whine, “please chris, touch me”
“whatd you say love, i didnt hear you” he teases while looking me dead in the eyes.
“touch me, please, chr-” before i can finish my sentence, with my mouth open he takes rhe opportunity to spit in my mouth.
holy fuck
“ohh, you couldve just asked.” abruptly he sticks his long middle finger into my aching hole, thrusting slowly. “faster, please.” i beg.
he listens and goes faster, causing me to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. he adds another finger and curls them right into my sweet spot.
“f- fuck!” i let out. “im close.”
“already?” he pulls his fingers out, causing me to whine again at the loss.
all of a sudden he strips completely and his nearly rock hard dick is exposed and seems larger than it ever has. he orders me to take off my shirt, and my tits are exposed.
“so sexy, ma” he grabs my tits and slowly moves his way back down to my still throbbing hole. he licks right from my hole to my clit leaving a slick trail. and he sticks his tounge into my hole causing my back to arch off the bed and i let out a borderline pornographic moan as his fingers begin rubbing circles on my clit again.
he moves his tounge around inside me going as deep as he can while his fingers still work steady circles on my clit. “shit. chris- dont s- stop.” i feel the knot in my stomach tighten, and without warning i squirt.
chris pulls his face away and starts aggressively rubbing on my clit causing me to keep squirting for what felt like forever.
“youre so fuckin sexy ma, only i can make you do that huh?” he says, “my fuckin slut”
“y- yes chris. only you, im yours” this makes him let out a sly chuckle. “i know.”
all of a sudden i feel his dick thrust into me, quickly and without warning. i let out an insane moan and so does he.
his moans are so fucking hot.
“fuck- chris!”
“hm?” he questions, his voice already shaky.
i dont even reply, he knows what i want. i just try my hardest to focus. his cock hitting my gspot perfectly every. single. thrust. his moans are bringing me to the edge so fucking fast.
“c- chris. im gonna cum” my voice is so shaky. his thrusts are gettinf sloppier by the second and i feel the knot in my stomach break. and i feel his cum fill me up.
we finished at the same time
we are both a moaning mess together and he pulls out of me, both of our cum dripping out of me.
then we hear chris’ bedroom door open… its madison and nick, they’re home.
“WHAT THE FUCK” they both shout in unison, nick slamming the door back shut immediately.
oops.
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myllovellybones · 2 days ago
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"Daughter." "Sister."
Oh hell no I'm walking out
Finished? Why is she being examined by the maester?
🙂.
Otto and Alicent watch you move past them. The latter is resigned to your commitment of not speaking to her, the former seethes and laughs dryly. He offers his arm to the queen, "come, daughter. Let us pray that your sister's impertinence is merely as side effect of childbearing."
SHUT UPPP DON'T TALK TO ME
Your maester hears it though and offers, "your sister is blessed with a fertile womb."
Genuinely how could this be comforting. She just got pregnant by a man who's on the edge of DYING
We eats with the Velaryons, Corlys, Vaemond, and Laenor, and though he did not hold any particular fondness for them, there was something in the way they all spoke in nothing but High Valyrian that made mornings not completely unbearable.
Honestly thats so cool High Valryian is such a pretty language I'd be using it all the time too
"And have we won the war overnight?" the prince says, rather uninterested, both in small talk and in his duck.
First of all, appreciate the damn duck. AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE IF YOU'D READ THE LETTERS YOUR WIFE SENT YOU WOULD KNOW
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"Remarried?!" Daemon repeats in offence, "and which scheming cunt managed to tricked him into marriage?"
Omg I totally forgot he was already there when Viserys and Alicent got married. His crash out is about to be insane
Corlys turns to Vaemond, who turns to Leanor, who turns back to Corlys. The latter clears his throat, "your bride's sister, my prince."
LMAOO IM DONE
He enters his tent and immediately chucks the letter to the floor, as if it was a vase he intended to shatter into a million pieces. It doesn't, of course; the paper remains intact, along with its seal. He crushes it beneath his heel then grabs the sack containing all your unread letters. He empties it on the floor and violently begins to stomp all over them.
OMG?? YOU ASSHOLE???
A good place to raise children?! He scoffs and crumples the paper away. You fantasize of bearing his seed now? He laughs at the idea, chucking the paper across his tent. His amusement goes dry when he realizes it must be your father's ploy.
You absolute idiot
"While I confess a certain light has been lost in the halls of our Oldtown home since your leave, I..." your ward knits his brows, "disagree with your sentiments to return."
Excuse me?
"Never mind my inadequacies, Arryk," you sigh in between deep breaths, "never mind that I will forever be second best to my father, who even wed me to his greatest enemy... who I am to make grandsire to not one but two Targaryen babes."
I just realized how many grandkids he's about to have especially when Heleana, Aemond, AND Dareon is born
"No," you wince, feeling a sharp pain in your belly, "hold me please."
Fuck I am so scared cause all this stress is not good for her or the babes
You lean into his touch, "I can be strong, Arryk," you both his hands and squeeze them to prove a point, "can you not feel it?"
STOPPP 😭😭
"Your brother," he gives you a solemn expression, "he says he prays the Lord Hand extends his gentleness to you, but I wonder if all that remained of his gentleness manifested into his daughters' beings."
Wow okay actually this made me tear up
"I am unsure where my wife is presently-"
I can't I really can't
"I could tell as he held my child, he thought her the most precious thing in the worlds," Viserys face softens, "I could tell he wanted to have something precious to hold as his own," he absentmindedly examines a chisel, "the gods bless me with a wife who is going to birth me something precious," he turns to you, "and a good-sister who is going to birth my brother something doubly precious."
It's insane how he says this but then ignores all his children after. I think he had or has good intentions but still man
Just before you can reach the entrance, a great pain forces you to lurch forward and yelp. You grip onto Viserys's arm for dear life and he grips you with hands. He thinks to grab the chair he pulled for you again, but as he looks back , his eyes widen at the trail of blood that leads to it. "GUARD! GUARD!"
WHAT?! NO STOP DONT TELL ME WHAT I THINK IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN HAPPENS
Viserys watches, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms watches as you rip your skirt up and tear your ruined undergarments down, powerless.
😭
Your hands tremble as you reach for the two small bodies between your thighs. You bring them into your chest, uncaring of all else, how wet they are, how red stains you, how Viserys speaks your name. Your babes are are small; they are both far, far too small.
NOOOO STOP MY POOR BABIES
Anguish draws more noises from your throat. It doesn't take long until your voice is hoarse. You cannot keep your peace as you take in their tiny faces. You wipe them with your skirt, finding the silver of their brows and lashes. You also find the gods gave you a girl and a boy. You choke on a sob as you wipe the red away from their thin, white locks, "please wake for your mummy."
The anguish this genuinely made me feel
You quiet momentarily as the man crouches beside you. Your lips wobble, "p-perhaps they'll wake up if you speak High Valyrian."
.... her trying to do everything to wake them up is soul crushing
"They're perfect, are they not?"
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You ask him to repeat this song over and over and he humors you each time.
He's so sweat to her omg
"I take you for a fool!" Arryk quips under his breath as he points an accusing finger.
Lmao I'm but the way their fight really is so sibling coded
These are the very words you sing to your sister's son.
TIMESKIP TIMESKIP OMG HERE WE GO
"Flower for mummy!" he bounces in your arms.
I'd literally go to war for baby aegon.
Your mouth goes dry when you see Daemon staring back at you.
AHH HES BACK HOLY SHIT HOW MUCH DOES HE KNOW?? IS HE MAD?? SAD?? AHJAKSSLSKL
I say this in the most lovingly way, this chapter killed me. You sure know how to write angst cause OH MY GOD?? I could barely see by the time I finished it cause there were so many tears running down my face and neck. I'm so scared and excited to see how Daemon will react. And I do now have mixed feelings about Viserys cause there's sm things he did wrong but he does have good intentions, and the way he tried helping her too was heart breaking 😭
Tormented Spirit | 12
Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
"Is it such a sin to stand up for yourself?" you mutter as tears blur your vision. The way he reacted was visceral, instinctive even. "You never have to stand up for yourself ever again," says Daemon, reaching a hand to you, "come."
Daemon Targaryen x Hightower!Reader | 6k+ | cw: fem!reader, reader has brown hair, wife!reader, twin!Gwayne, arranged/forced marriage, canon divergence, alternate universe, slow burn, DD:DNE, pregnancy, miscarriage, panic/anxiety attacks, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, daddy issues/child abuse/family problems, mentions/depictions of mental/physical/psychosomatic illness, ye old misogyny, angst, typos, etc.
A/N: i would just like to bring everyone's attention to the fact this fic is called tormented spirit. BTW some of yall might wanna read my weasely twins fluff cuz 😀 yeah you should read some fluff! leave comments/reblogs ok!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS | cross posted on ao3
@arabellasleopardcoat @prettybiching @myllovellybones
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Since your sister's wedding, there were two things you no longer did: speak to your sister and go to your father. Everyday, instead of having the Lord Hand accompany you to your maester, you were accompanied by one of your wards.
At first, you were apprehensive with the change. After all, they were your knights, but neither of them were the father to your babe, and even fathers were rarely involved with prenatal care. Though, the patience they extended is not unusual, you were surprised that Erryk and Arryk took time asking the maester additional information concerning things that might need their attention in the future.
Today, you walk to the maester's ward, one hand on your belly the other on Erryk's bicep. As he opens the door, you freeze when you hear the voices in the room.
"Daughter." "Sister."
These words are spoken at the same time. You clench your teeth and turn to Erryk, whose jaw is set. You take a breath and decide to simply come back later.
Alicent stands the cot she sat upon and raises a hand, "please! I'm finished. You can come now."
Finished? Why is she being examined by the maester?
Otto is angered by your persistence to ignore them. He scowls and glares at Erryk, "you remind your princess to practice some humility," he points a finger, "her actions are affecting the queen, who is now carrying an heir."
Your face drops as you turn to her.
She is already staring at you. You watch her pick her nails. You catch the redness of her cuticles.
Erryk is equally shocked. He stutters before nodding in regard, "congratulations, my queen."
Alicent shakes her head, forcing a smile, "t-thank you, ser."
Your father's eyes remain on you. He waits for you to offer the same sentiment, but his anger only intensifies at your continued silence. He scoffs, "will you not even congratulate your sister?"
You clutch your pronounced belly and turn to your maester, "may we please do the examination? I cannot bear to stand for long."
Otto and Alicent watch you move past them. The latter is resigned to your commitment of not speaking to her, the former seethes and laughs dryly. He offers his arm to the queen, "come, daughter. Let us pray that your sister's impertinence is merely as side effect of childbearing."
Your sister spares you a glassy glance before taking Otto's arm and leaving with him. You watch as they leave, feeling yourself grow hard of breathing.
The maester asks you to sit, but before you do, you snatch his arm, "is she truly with child?"
He looks at your teary face. He feels the tremble of your hand as he places his own atop of it. He carefully speaks "it is joyous news, is it not?"
You release a shaky breath as he helps you sit.
"Princess," the maester warily says, "breathe for me. We cannot proceed if you overcome by your affliction."
You place both your hands on your belly and take a couple deep breaths. You close your eyes and resist the sob that threatens to come. A couple of tears wet your cheeks, but you manage to remain intact. You wipe your face and mutter to yourself, "it's barely been a moon since they've wed."
Your maester hears it though and offers, "your sister is blessed with a fertile womb."
You wish he had not tried to comfort you with such an idea.
You try not to think of Alicent as you do your daily examination, but she is all you think of. You think of how frightened she must be. You think of how your father surely told her about your daily visits to the maester. You wonder if he would force her to do the same, just to get you to talk to her. She wouldn't need daily examinations like you; she is perfectly healthy, stronger than you, as she said herself.
You are so deep in thought, you don't even realize the maester was finished with you, up until he says something that demands your full attention.
"What?" you knit your brows at him.
"We will be more certain of it as the moons wax and wane, but considering you are a twin yourself, and, again, because of the rather rapid growth of your belly, chances are my deduction is correct."
He helps you up and Erryk is quick to take your arm. You mutter through a shaky breath, "I'm carrying twins?"
Your maester nods, "highly likely."
You turn to Erryk, who offers you a reassuring smile, "I... congratulate you, my princess."
You stare at him for a moment and blink rapidly.
"You might give birth to a boy and girl who will have the same devotion you and your brother have," Erryk says in an attempt to take away some of the fear written across your face.
It does actually. You recall your visit to Oldtown and find yourself nodding, "I... I must write a letter at once."
Many moons come and go, but across the sea, the sun shines. Daemon's day has just started. His mood is nothing but sour, as it always is. He is loathe to start his day, but he does, and with a grunt, and leaves his tent to break his fast.
We eats with the Velaryons, Corlys, Vaemond, and Laenor, and though he did not hold any particular fondness for them, there was something in the way they all spoke in nothing but High Valyrian that made mornings not completely unbearable.
"My prince," Corlys greets him in their mother tongue. He hands Daemon a plate, "duck."
Daemon raises his brow at it, "with salt?"
"And pepper," Leanor says with a half-amused expression.
"My," Daemon sits down with them, "I am spoiled."
Corlys waits for Daemon to have a few bites before continuing conversation. He clears his throat, "before the day passes, allow me, my brother, and my son-" he looks between the said people, earning furrowed brows from Laenor, "-to greet you, both on behalf of House Velaryon, and as your comrade in battle for you—"
"Oh, yes!" Leanor interjects once he remembers, "congratulations, my prince!"
This earns him a look from his father, and his uncle. Laenor, who had been grinning, slowly raises his brows, "a-... apologies for interrupting, father."
Corlys sighs, "as I was-"
"And have we won the war overnight?" the prince says, rather uninterested, both in small talk and in his duck.
Corlys is confused by this, "I... no." He slowly tilts his head, "does your lady wife not write to you?"
Daemon is immediately on edge at the mention of you, "and what of her?"
Corlys narrows his eyes. He puts him to the test, "... you are aware your brother, the king, has remarried?"
Daemon whips his head his direction.
"And that also he expects an heir to be delivered come spring?"
"Remarried?!" Daemon repeats in offence, "and which scheming cunt managed to tricked him into marriage?"
Corlys turns to Vaemond, who turns to Leanor, who turns back to Corlys. The latter clears his throat, "your bride's sister, my prince."
His eyes widen. He looks between the Velaryons, then scoffs dryly. He begins to laugh, "that roach of a Hand has Viserys's bollocks shoved down his fucking throat."
Their faces contort at the foul language. Vaemond, in particular, is so offended that he cannot help but ask, "doesn't the princess write to you every day?"
Daemon clenches his plate
"And she never mentioned thi—"
"WHAT USE HAVE I TO READ THE WEEPY WRITING OF MY WIFE?!" the prince snaps, coming to a stand as he chucks his plate to the ground.
Corlys understands then Daemon's initial shock. However, he is still confused, "have you not read any letters from your wife?"
"Would you rather I be distracted, Corlys?" he snaps again, hands now clenched into fists.
Corlys is not intimidated by Daemon's anger, but he is also unincited by the idea a fight. He raises his hands in surrender, "most men gladly welcome distractions in the heat of war."
Daemon chuckles dryly, "I am not most men," then storms all the way back to his tent.
"Jiōragon hen ñuha ñuhoso!" he snaps in High Valyrian still, shoving the unwitting soldier aside. Get out of my way!
He returns to his tent. Another unwitting victim is there. "My prince," he bows, "a letter from Lady H-" Daemon snags the letter from him and shoves him away with exceeding anger and force.
He enters his tent and immediately chucks the letter to the floor, as if it was a vase he intended to shatter into a million pieces. It doesn't, of course; the paper remains intact, along with its seal. He crushes it beneath his heel then grabs the sack containing all your unread letters. He empties it on the floor and violently begins to stomp all over them.
You were his. You were meant to be his! Yet here you were, a pawn in someone else's game. His lust and infatuation has blinded him from this truth. You and your sister were mere tools of your cunt father to manipulate the throne.
He continues to trample your letters until they are brown with the dirt. He catches a lone letter that managed to evade his violence. He picks the unscathed object and only now does he realize its red waxen seal had an imprint of a dragon with a long neck that resembled Caraxes. Daemon scoffs, even his dragon you covet.
He breaks the seal. The letter was sent nearly a moon ago.
𝔇𝔞𝔢𝔪𝔬𝔫, ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥𝔶 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔩. ℑ𝔱 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔪𝔶 𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩 𝔱𝔬 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 ℑ 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔩 𝔰𝔬 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔫𝔬𝔴. ℑ 𝔫𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔪𝔶 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔰 𝔪𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔞𝔰 ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔴𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔰𝔱 𝔦𝔫 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤'𝔰 𝔏𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤. ℑ𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔪𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢; ℑ 𝔡𝔦𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔞𝔰 𝔞 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡. ℑ 𝔟𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔦𝔱 𝔦𝔰 𝔞 𝔤𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔭𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔩𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔫. ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢, 𝔲𝔭𝔬𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫, 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴 𝔲𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔱 𝔒𝔩𝔡𝔱𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔬𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔫, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 ℑ 𝔭𝔯𝔞𝔶 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯𝔶 𝔪𝔬𝔯𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔳𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔬𝔬𝔫. 𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢, 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔣𝔢
A good place to raise children?! He scoffs and crumples the paper away. You fantasize of bearing his seed now? He laughs at the idea, chucking the paper across his tent. His amusement goes dry when he realizes it must be your father's ploy.
He's read enough.
Back in the Keep, you too receive a letter. It is from Gwayne, whose weekly response has finally arrived. You do not mind that he does not write to you daily as you did; you are grateful to receive a response at all.
You were set on reading his response, but as is was, you were experiencing terrible nausea and found yourself unable to sit or lie still. For some reason, the only thing that could combat this was walking around. You instead had your ward read your brother's words aloud for you.
Arryk's eyes trail back and forth you and your letter. He comes to your side when you gag, "princess."
You place a hand on your mouth, walking away from him. He watches as you circle your bed, "perhaps, I-"
"Please," you sigh, "do not make me beg you to read it."
Arryk stiffens and shakes his head, "my apologies, your grace." He turns to the parchment, "my twin."
" Louder," you grunt as you momentarily lean on your bed.
"My twin," Arryk repeats slightly louder, "I pray that your health is good, that you have been eating and sleeping as goodly as you did in the days of your visit here."
You take a deep breath and walk towards nothing in particular.
"While I confess a certain light has been lost in the halls of our Oldtown home since your leave, I..." your ward knits his brows, "disagree with your sentiments to return."
"What?" you gasp softly, turning to Arryk.
He looks at you and hesitates, "I... will not honey my words: you disappoint me with your coldness towards our youngest."
You clench your teeth as you feel another gag coming up, "fucking, Gwayne."
"She has written to me more than once to lament your severed relations since she's wed."
Your scoff makes Arryk pause. You look at him as you walk over, "do not stop."
He looks at you as you walk past him. He clears his throat, "I did not speak of it until now, for I believed you to be wiser than your betrayal."
"Ha!" you scoff, eyes immediately watering, "incorrigible pest," you grunt and rub your belly. You pace faster, "unyielding. Unfeeling."
Arryk watches you pace and takes a few steps back and forth so to remain arms reach of you.
"Continue!"
He stiffens, "I—," he turns back to your brother's words, "you've written you believe it will be better for you both that you away, lest your childbearing interlope with hers. I disagree. Consider me a fool-"
"He is," you scratch your eyes.
"-a man who knows nothing of childbirth, which I am, but I know my sisters— I know you at the very least." Arryk watches you as he says the next words, "leaving Alicent will haunt you, your satisfaction short-lived."
You stop in your tracks. You feel your dress tighten around you.
"Lay down your pride and allow yourself to reach for your sister who understands your struggle unlike anyone in the Seven Realms now more than ever."
You feel sick, sicker.
"Upon doing so, see then if you still wish to come to home."
You heave as you continue walking around.
"I offer many prayers to the Mother for both you and our sister. We are truly grown from the same womb, for I too share in your hope that you give birth to a twin boy and girl."
You rub your belly, as the thought softens you a fraction.
"Mostly, I speak thanks and praise for I am to be doubly an uncle. I pray your births come timely and smoothly, and I pray the Lord Hand has extended nothing but gentleness to you both," he folds the paper, "Your Twin."
"See now," you turn to Arryk, "even my twin betrays me, abandons me," you feel tears run down your cheek.
He slowly walks towards you, "that is not what he's done, my princess."
"Then what?!" you shake your hands, "am I not allowed even my anger now?!"
He is taken off guard when you shove him back.
"Even you are against me!"
Arryk steps back, though you barely mustered enough force for him to need to. You quickly pace around again. He feels the flesh beneath his steel you touched begin to push. His lips part "do not accuse me so harshly."
You whip your head back, glaring at him with red eyes, "SHE COULD HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A LORD IN THE RIVERLANDS! OR HIGHGARDEN!" You throw your hand out, "ANYWHERE BUT HERE, BUT HERE SHE IS!"
His face falls when your rage makes you crumble. He gasp your name out as he catches you just before you fall.
"And for what?!" you wheeze as you are dragged to your bed. You rip at your collar as your chest tightens and tightens and tightens, "for me?"
"Princess," the knight's voice breaks with worry as he sits you down, "I beg you, ple-"
"Undress me," you mutter as you strugggle for air, "unlace my dress, I-"
He does not wait. He is quick to undo your bodice. He is so frantic, he nearly cuts your ties.
You moan as you feel a pressure leave you. You rip your dress off you, thinking of nothing else but catching your breath. Arryk helps you undress and you find it slightly easier to breath once you are left in nothing but your chemise.
Your ward struggles with himself; he does not wish to take advantage of this moment to ogle you, but he also cannot avert his gaze completely, lest you need his assistance. He clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze to his lap, muttering your name softly.
"Never mind my inadequacies, Arryk," you sigh in between deep breaths, "never mind that I will forever be second best to my father, who even wed me to his greatest enemy... who I am to make grandsire to not one but two Targaryen babes."
"Princess," he shakes his head, "I do not wish to-"
"I am used to his insistence of my dimness," you rub your chest, "of my capacity only for tears and succumbing to my own pain," your lips wobble, "but my sister—"
He stiffens and turns to you as lean into him. Your breath is too short and your head too heavy for you to keep yourself upright. Arryk calls our your name as he shifts, bringing his arm around to pull you upright.
"No," you wince, feeling a sharp pain in your belly, "hold me please."
He is immediately alarmed by how you clutch your side, "princess, are you-"
"Please," you rest your head on his armor, "hold me, even if you do not want to."
His hand twitches before, placing it your bare arm. He leans close, close enough to press his lips on your head, but he does not dare. He rubs your skin and whispers, "I want for nothing else."
You are too distracted by yourself that you do not hear him. Uncomfortable as the feel of his armor was, he lulls you into calmness.
When you feel well enough to realize how compromising it would be if someone were to witness you both, you pull away.
He says nothing, does nothing. He simply sit besides you, taking in your sad face.
You a tear drip from the tip of your nose. You rub it away before mumbling, "I had well-made plans for her... plans to shield her, to prosper her."
His eyes fall. He looks at the hand you had on your lap and dares to take it. It is cold and clammy, which is why he rubs it, eager to spread warmth.
The gesture makes goosebumps form on your arms. It makes your breath hitch, but not in a painful way. His gentleness encourages you to continue, "I once thought she looked up to me," you sniffle, "but when she said she was stronger than I," you lower your head.
He frowns.
"I knew then," you look back at him, "she sees only my weakness, along with the rest of the world."
He cannot help himself. He reaches for your cheek and wipes your tears.
You lean into his touch, "I can be strong, Arryk," you both his hands and squeeze them to prove a point, "can you not feel it?"
The gesture makes his heart break. He squeezes your hands in return, "you need not prove such a thing to me," he rubs your skin with his thumbs, "perhaps she does not want you to be strong... not for her."
You huff, "I am her older si-"
"But for your babe."
You are frozen by his words. You open your mouth but find nothing to say.
"Your brother," he gives you a solemn expression, "he says he prays the Lord Hand extends his gentleness to you, but I wonder if all that remained of his gentleness manifested into his daughters' beings."
The thought brings a tear from your eye, "Arryk."
"My princess."
"Should I speak to my sister come the morrow?"
He squeezes your hand again before slowly nodding.
The next day, you do everything in your power to do just that. You found Alicent breaking her fast, but you did not want to inadvertently ruin her appetite with your sudden appearance, for you knew how fickle it was in these times. Later, you found her in her chambers napping, but you didn't wish to interrupt her then either.
The rest of the day, you started feeling unwell, and you could not find it in you to leave your own chambers. When you finally did, the sun had set and Alicent was nowhere to be found. As a last resort, you ventured to the king's chambers.
Erryk announces you once you reach Viserys's door. You look at your knight with apprehension but he only returns a reassuring nod. There is a rather... sickly smell that assaults your senses when the door opens. The king himself answers, brows quirked in surprise.
"My king," you barely manage a curtsy. Erryk nods, "your grace."
Viserys regards you both then asks, "what brings you to my chambers at this hour?"
"I wanted to know if my sister was here," you absentmindedly rub your belly, "I wish to speak to her."
The king catches your belly, "oh, yes." He places a hand on your shoulder, "you are also with child," he chuckles, "I keep forgetting to congratulate you face to face."
You are taken aback by the half-hug he pulls you into.
Viserys chuckles as he pulls away, "well done, my dear. You have made the realm, and more importantly my brother, all the more richer for this."
You are rigid as he beckons you inside. Viserys motions to Erryk dismissively, and he nods. You wards gives you a silent look, and you know he'll wait for you outside.
Once you enter, you are assaulted by a scent that has clearly been attempted to be masked by fragrances. It makes you gag slightly, but it is not so bad that you cannot comport yourself.
You had expected to be lead to your sister, but instead, the king leads you to a massive diorama of what you could tell to be King's Landing.
"I am unsure where my wife is presently-"
His regard to your sister makes you clench your jaw.
"-but she visits me oft at this time of hour. Might as well show you my miniature figurines whilst waiting," he grins as he motions to the said object.
You feel an uncomfortable twinge in your stomach as you walk over to him.
Viserys immediately beams over his creation, recounting the trouble he had carving out the tower, exclaiming how much he enjoyed shaping the bridge. You have never seen him in such a light and it makes you wonder if this was his true self. Did he regard your husband this way? What were they like as children?
As he handed you two separate failed attempts of carving his fallen dragon, Balerion, you listen to him muse how the beast's skull was preserved in the basement bellow, and how he would gladly bring you there if you wanted to see. You groan and slightly lurch when another painful sensation ripples within you.
Viserys notices this. He quickly takes the figurines from you, "oh, where are my manners," he pulls a chair to your side, "sit, sit."
You gratefully take a seat and take a couple deep breathes as the king continues to drone about his diorama.
"You know, I used to make toy soldiers for Daemon growing up. I was aghast when he came back to me with severed heads."
You chuckle at his words, but instantly regret it when it adds to your pain.
"I still made him new ones, but this time, I put less effort and detail," Viserys speaks before noticing your reaction, "are you alright?"
"Mmm," you shake your head, "I think my babes are moving."
His brows quirk, "ah. That's right. You are expecting twins, are you not?"
You release a sigh when the uncomfortable sensations finally wane. You take a breath and offering a smile, "so says my maester. I hope it to be a boy and girl, like me and Gwayne."
He smiles, "it is quite fortunate that you and your sister are to have children at the same time," he looks over his miniature castle, "don't you think?"
"I think..." you turn to your belly, another groan leaving your lips, "Alicent is not ready to have children."
Viserys turns to you.
You look up at him and purse your lips, "nor am I."
He chuckles softly, "none of us are," he places a hand on your shoulder, "but I assure you, you learn as you go."
You find no comfort in his words.
"You know who has been ready though," he raises a finger, "Daemon."
The thought nearly makes you flinch.
He chuckles, "do not look so averted. There is gentleness in him," he turns back to his diorama, "do you not perceive it?"
You begin to feel sick.
"I tell you, when Rhaenyra was born, his face shone."
Your brows tighten at the smile the king offers you.
"I could tell as he held my child, he thought her the most precious thing in the worlds," Viserys face softens, "I could tell he wanted to have something precious to hold as his own," he absentmindedly examines a chisel, "the gods bless me with a wife who is going to birth me something precious," he turns to you, "and a good-sister who is going to birth my brother something doubly precious."
His words make your heart tinge. You are blindsided by how genuine, how vulnerable your conversation is. You wonder if Alicent saw this amidst the cruelty of the world and decided to settle for it rather than the uncertainty from another man. As he falls deeper into another fond tale of his brother, you feel a dull pain spread across your hips.
"That reminds me," he claps his hands, "do you have any names picked out yet?"
You shift uncomfortably in your chair, "well... I've-" you huff, "gone through some books that held Valyrian names," you inhale, "and found a few names for boys, namely Vaerus,—"
"Ah, Vaerus," Viserys repeats, "meaning genuine."
"Eadan—"
He grins and points, "little fire."
"—and Alaeric," you huff.
"Hmm," he turns to the ceiling in thought, "no, I don't know that one."
You are restless because of your pain. You groan as you stand, "I- mmm- prefer the last one the most because it is similar to my mother's name, and I should like to name my boy and girl after her."
He chuckles, "you seem quite set on a boy and a girl."
"Mmm," you hum uncomfortably, "I- I hope for it." You rub your belly, "I hope they have fondness for each other like me and mine own twin."
He knits his brows at your demeanor, "a son and a daughter would suit you well," he smiles fondly, "what was the name of your late mother again?"
"A-" you groan, "Alyrie."
Viserys finally reaches for you, "are you quite certain you're alright?"
You hum as you take the king's bicep, squeezing him tightly, "mmm, I should like to lie down now."
"Yes, of course," he shakes his head, leading you to the door.
Just before you can reach the entrance, a great pain forces you to lurch forward and yelp. You grip onto Viserys's arm for dear life and he grips you with hands. He thinks to grab the chair he pulled for you again, but as he looks back , his eyes widen at the trail of blood that leads to it. "GUARD! GUARD!"
You are in too much pain to react to the king's screams. You can only screw your eyes shut.
Erryk bursts through the doors, face white, heart racing.
"CALL THE MAESTER AT ONCE! SHE'S BLEEDING!"
Your eyes widen at the word, "bleeding?" You momentarily manage to gather enough wits to see what Viserys was speaking of.
Erryk does not linger in his horror. He bolts out and sprints down the halls, screaming for a maester as if his life depended on it because yours did.
The sight of your blood is mortifying. You lift your skirt as pain continues to seizes and a horrified noise leaves you when you find the red that pools by your foot.
It all happens at once after. An ache so great forces you to the floor. You are burning hot yet shivers run down your spine. You do not know if Viserys is speaking as you slowly crumple your knees but you do know that you are screaming loud.
Then it passes. Serenity ebbs and flows. You manage to sit on your but, but then it's back with a vengeance. You resist the squeal that morphs into to a shriek and then— you gasp, "no."
Viserys watches, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms watches as you rip your skirt up and tear your ruined undergarments down, powerless.
Your scream makes his stomach curdle.
Your hands tremble as you reach for the two small bodies between your thighs. You bring them into your chest, uncaring of all else, how wet they are, how red stains you, how Viserys speaks your name. Your babes are are small; they are both far, far too small.
Anguish draws more noises from your throat. It doesn't take long until your voice is hoarse. You cannot keep your peace as you take in their tiny faces. You wipe them with your skirt, finding the silver of their brows and lashes. You also find the gods gave you a girl and a boy. You choke on a sob as you wipe the red away from their thin, white locks, "please wake for your mummy."
The words arrest Viserys. He recalls holding Baelon as life left him. He cherishes now more than ever that at least his boy gazed upon him once. He shares in your misery, yet does not know if how he should approach you; he does not know if he should. He does anyway, no matter how haunting the sound of your wails are.
You quiet momentarily as the man crouches beside you. Your lips wobble, "p-perhaps they'll wake up if you speak High Valyrian."
The thought is gutting.
You gently pull at one babe's eyelid, finding a violet eye looking back at you. Except it isn't looking at you at all and the thought makes you squall. You clutch your children tightly into your chest, rocking them back and forth, "forgive me, my loves. Forgive me for birthing you too soon."
Erryk finally arrives with the maesters. He is stunned in his spot whereas the maesters run to your side. He falls to his knees as lift your children up. They do not touch them, but instead look at each other before muttering something that makes you pull your twins back into your chest.
Your ward is ashamed to face you. He has failed you. Erryk comes to a stand and dares to come near you. You do not notice him. You do not care for anything or anyone else in this moment.
Crimson grief trails behind you as you make your way to the maester's ward. Erryk meant to carry you, but you refused, knowing the walk there would be the last time you'd ever get to hold your children. He silently walks beside you, eyeing your every move.
You freeze when you see your sister by the door. Erryk looks between the two of you, ready to give you space.
Alicent is distraught. Her eyes are nearly as red as yours and you can how her hands tremble even as she picks at them, "sister, I-"
"I wanted to talk to you earlier today."
Her face falls and she immediately runs up to you. She reaches for you but stops herself.
You frown at it, thinking it was because you had been cruel to her, "forgive me, sister."
She rapidly shakes her head, "do not even mention it."
A tear fog your vision, "very well," you sniffle as you lower your gaze, "would... would you like to see them?
She wordlessly agrees.
You step closer to her, "this is Alaeric... and Alyrie."
A hand comes to her mouth, "sister."
"They're perfect, are they not?"
She nods rapidly, "yes—" she shudders, "they are."
You sob with her as she brings her arms around you. Erryk cannot bare the sight. Hot tears run into his armor. Both him and Alicent stay with you as the maester's see to your health. They let you hold Alaeric and Alyrie until your examination commences, and then you confess that if they do not take them now, you will never let them be taken from you ever again.
You were exhausted as you lie in bed. Your body yearned for repose, but you could do nothing of the sort. You groggily stand and walk to your door.
Erryk starts. You caught him in the middle of scratching tears away from his eyes. You frown, "forgive me."
"No, princess," he shakes his head and turns to you, "how might I serve."
You bite your lip, hating yourself for what you were about to request, "I know it is terrible..." you sigh deeply, "I know it is inappropriate, and wrong, and an abuse of my power over you," you tremble, "but please you sleep with me."
"My princess, I-"
"Please," you raise a hand, "if it is too horrible, per- perhaps-" you hiccup, "you can drag the set— the settee beside my bed-"
He silences you by taking your raised hand. You continue to sob as he shakes his head, "I would do anything you ask of me."
You sob and throw your arms around him. Erryk embraces you back, though he was afraid his hard uniform might hurt you.
Otto sees this exchange from across the hall. He had not been moved to tears until this moment. He scratches his eyes before they fall and steels himself away as he walks off. He mentally takes note to observe the Cargyll brothers and to sternly remind them of their vows.
Erryk follows you to your bed. You crawl into your bed as he drags the settee from across the room beside you. You offer him a pillow and he gratefully take it. You knit your brows when he lies down. You sniffle, "will you not take your armor off?"
"I..." he start, about to explain it is inappropriate.
"Is it hard to remove by yourself?" you sit up, "I can help."
"I-" but his words go dry when you begin to undo his steel uniform with much ease.
All your years assisting Gwayne in and out of his armor has made the act come easy for you. You think nothing of it, but Erryk's heart races as you undo his chest plate. He sucks in a sharp breath as you put the metal down, then refuses your help, resigning to undo the rest himself.
You sink into your sheets as you watch your knight lay his armor down. It occurs to you in this moment that this was the first time you'd ever seen him without it. Even through his loose dress shirt, you can see his defined arms and torso. You even see a sliver of a scar from where his shirt opened on his chest and it makes you avert your gaze, knowing you've looked where you should not have.
Your lips begin to wobble as you think of Daemon and the scars he had on his skin. You feel pathetic as you begin to sob again.
Erryk hates the sound. He sits down on the settee and sniffles, "would you like me to sing for you?"
You wipe the snot on your philtrum as you look at him.
"I do not think I inherited her voice, but my mother used to sing to my brother and I when we were younger."
The word mother makes you feel sick, but you do not tell him that, and simply nod.
He clears his throat and takes a breath, "the fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head."
A chuckle is drawn amidst your tears as Erryk continues to sing.
"The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."
You ask him to repeat this song over and over and he humors you each time.
The day breaks and Arryk comes to your door for his shift. He holds a basket of flowers and a frown. He knocks on your door and announces himself. He is surprised when he hears footsteps approaching. His eyes widen when Erryk opens the door for him. His mouth falls at the messiness of his hair, then it clicks. Arryk nearly drops his basket as he grabs his twin by the collar, "what in seven hells have you done, you fool?"
Erryk is stoic as he responds, "my duty."
"Your-" he looks over his shoulder and pushes his brother into the room, closing the door behind him. Arryk makes sure to keep the silence and spares you a quick glance. The sight of your sleeping form makes him slightly soften, but he still manages to glare at his brother, "did you sleep here?"
Erryk turns to you, "she asked-"
"Did you sleep with her?" Arryk snaps.
The twins glare at each other. Erryk's face contorts in disgust, "I slept on the settee, brother. What do you take me fo-"
"I take you for a fool!" Arryk quips under his breath as he points an accusing finger.
Erryk scoffs, clenching his fist, "and you would have left?"
"I would have waited for her to sleep and resumed my post outsi-"
"Please."
The twins turn, finding you sitting on your bed, rubbing your puffy face. They both instinctively step forward and speak in unison, "princess."
"Please," you repeat, "I asked him to stay."
Arryk turns to Erryk.
"I do not want you to argue because-" you cannot continue because you begin to cry.
Both their faces fall, but Erryk wastes no time in coming to you. He kneels beside your bed and takes your hand, repeating the song he sang to you last night.
Arryk immediately recognizes the tune. His heart tightens as he watches the display. He mutters under his breath, "what have you done?" He walks over to him and watches the way you squeeze his brother's hand. He thinks of how you did the same for him just yesterday and clenches the basket's handle tightly. He begins to sing with his twin.
"The fishes swim in seas of blue, and dragons breath fire so red. All the birds sing sweetly for you, so come rest ye darling wee head.
The apples grow up the trees, and flowers rise up from the ground. All the stars shine brightly for you, so come rest ye all safe and sound."
These are the very words you sing to your sister's son.
Alicent was with child again, and you were giving her a much needed reprieve from her energetic boy who was now nearing his second name day. Aegon happily reached for flowers as you carried him through the gardens. He laughs with not a care in the world. It is strange how deeply happy and deeply sad the boy makes you feel.
Through it all, you smile as you sing. You bounce him in your hip once you finish, "right, shall we go back now?"
Aegon blissfully ignores you when his hand brushes against a flower. You pull him away before he can grab it, and push his hand down, "no, my love, we do not pick roses so carelessly."
Aegon cares little for your words and raises his hand again, "flower!"
You push his hand down and look at him, "you want the rose?" You adjust him in your arm, "you want to pick the rose for mummy?"
"Mummy?" Aegon repeats, turning to you to reach for your brown curls.
You chuckle when he tries to eat it and pull your hair away before he manages to, "silly boy. Shall we ask Ser Arryk to pick the flower for us?"
"Flower for mummy!" he bounces in your arms.
You bounce him back, making him giggle as you repeat, "flower for mummy!" You flip your hair back, "Ser Arryk, could you-"
Your mouth goes dry when you see Daemon staring back at you.
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heartorbit · 6 months ago
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WAOT WERE U THE ONE TSUKASA COSPLAYER AT MIKUEXPO GIVING OUT MIKU STICKERS TO THE PJSK FANS
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THATS ME!!!!! i didn't mean to just give them to pjsk fans help but i severely underestimated how many i should've made and cut out .. so i just ended up giving them to cosplayers or people who said hi to me .... T_T
THERE'S ALSO THIS SUPER CUTE BRACELET SOMEBODY RAN UP TO ME AND GAVE ME AND I TREASURE IT SO I NEED TO ADD IT TO THE POST AND SHOW IT OFF .. WAH!!!! ITS SO CUTE LOOK!!!!!!
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#again WAS NOT MY BIRTHDAY. MIKUEXPO TORONTO FELL ON TSUKASAS BIRTHDAY IN JAPAN TIME. SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.#i love your icon cause i saw a garf miku cosplayer at mikuexpo toronto too IT WAS SO AWESOME#i saw snother tsukasa cosplayer in hid school outfit and they had cute star glasses i Need some.#in the future n for cons i think i'll just order stickers to hand out .. cutting them out by hand was so much .....#especially when i did the whole pjsk cast. 10 or so of each of them. my best friend helped and it still took like 2 hours#<- I DID THAT FOR ANIME NORTH I MEAN i think i forgot to post about it here. anyways#i dont plan on tabling at cons or snything cause i just like attending them so much. but#In the future i think i'll just pay to get Nice little prints or stickers made and shipped to me to hand out ...#Sorry they arent actual stickers they're just laminated with tape i did them the night before while crunching for the con the week after.#alliellama#ask#sorry to go on but mikuexpo really was such a good time#when we first got there i was in the merch line w my friends and skmeone came up and said can you do the tsukasa laugh right here right now#but everything we said echo and i was like T_T no im shy ...#and then 2 hours later i heard there was a saki cosplayer there and started running around the venue shouting SAKI. SAKIII. SAKI.#WE FOUND HER IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS which is impressive because there were a lot of people. by god.#it was so fun. we had such a good time i could go on. everyone was so FREAKING NICE. AND GAVE SO MANY FREEBIES. AND COMPLIMENTS.#but i literally only had like ..30 mikus. to hand out. i felt SO BAD. CONSERVING THEM.
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dukeofthomas · 3 months ago
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"He hurts you because he loves you" classic excuse for abuse, not an interesting angle to go at a story with, boring, annoying, makes me hate anyone who says this shit. "He loves you but he still hurt you" beautiful, amazing, empowering. Love is not a pure, good, flawless emotion, actions matter more than intent, and caring for someone doesn't mean you can't or won't hurt them, and in my opinion, it makes hurting them worse.
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skitskatdacat63 · 9 months ago
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Traje de luces are seriously peak design, they will literally never get old for me. Every once in a while I'll go on a hunt for more matador pics, and I feel like my art isn't even brushing the surface. Just the amount of poses, colors, situations I could draw is so endless WAUGH
Sometimes they're truly the only thing I want to draw :,) I want to live in a parallel universe where all our f1 boys are bullfighters instead
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nandermoenthusiast · 9 months ago
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oh my god i got so emotional SHUT UUUUUP
#911#911verse#evan buckley#so this is what crying about a character is actually like#like i do be crying at times dont get me wrong#but i just love buck so much. i kept stopping the episode and going. omg omg omg#omg its happening. omg idk if i can actually watch this. omg its happening !!!!!!!!!!!#jesus christ JESUS CHRIST#like i know we throw the word around a lot but this is MY SON#and everything that happened in the episode. it was like it was happening to me#i felt actual physical damage and actual butterflies as the kiss moment approached#like theY DID THAT#THEY MADE MY BI SON CANONICALLY BI#idk to have this shift in a characters perception this late in a procedural….. 911 you gods#i really hope they can somehow make more seasons cause they would deserve ti#it. and like. this doesn’t have to be the end of buddie??#they could get them together at any time bc buck realizing hes into men is a lot other worm can than buck realizing hes in love with#his best friend. i just dont know how they would do it with eddie bc they would have to pull a lot of focus over there too with a big#chance of feeling repetitive with their narratives#maybe they just show them together after a timejump and say they worked some stuff out idk lmao#ANYWAY I AM STILL CRYING BECAUSE BUCK MY SON IS A CANONICAL BISEXUAL JEALOUS DISASTER JUST LIKE HIS MAMA ❤️#THIS IS WHAT REPRESENTATION IS ACTUALLY ALL ABOUT (and i mean his horrifying handling of the feelings of being left out of course lmao)#THE LOOK EDDIE SHOT HIM TOO#i am too frazzled rn i just need to scream i think#hi. im sorry this is me coming out of the 911 closet now that wwdits is on hiatus#evan buckley!!!!!#SON OF MY SONS#LIGHT OF MY LIFE#APPLE OF MY EYE
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acourtofquestions · 2 months ago
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s���😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming pe​ople—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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sheila--e · 10 months ago
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when I say Sheila E. I mean Sheila E. idgaf about those two others gay boys go get ur own fanfic this is about her
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grandmaestershibe · 4 months ago
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family picture
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lilowoof · 7 months ago
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Time to be whimsical on a sunday night.
But I've been thinking about my upcoming bday (mainly what I wanna do for it/where to eat lmao). But something else that has been on my mind is that in a few years I will be entering my 30s. And I am strangely excited for it??
The mid to late 20's have been really hard on me and honestly, I wasn't expecting to still be around to ever reach my 30s. But here I am! I finished my main schooling!!! And while I am suffering with some sort of mental boo boos, I am slowly learning more about myself and slowly trying to let go of all the past demons. It's taking time but eventually I will be ok again.
I have the power to get out there to meet new ppl, and ppl who are around the same cycle of life as I am. And it's exciting to think about! While I would love to devote most of my time to salmon running, I've lately come to realize that I wanna put my time more into my life on top of that. Meet someone who I can actually connect and grow with. Where I can still salmon run and game but also experience more in the life ahead of me! (and perhaps some couple gaming? I've always liked that in past relationships hehhe)
Do I wanna get married? IDK! But damn do I want to get proposed to. And I wanna go to more events in the city!!! And more P!nk concerts (tho it's getting to be a bit too expensive now hahah...)
LIKE. Life ain't perfect and I am anticipating some hard upcoming struggles. I am still dealing with financial abuse and repairing my savings after those issues. BUT LIKE. LIFE is still going, and I can try my best to make it the best it can be!!!!
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simptasia · 10 months ago
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also unless tuvok's ancestors are a part of the 10,000, this universe will never have a version of tuvok. they pre-killed tuvok :(
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designernishiki · 2 years ago
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status update on my mission to 100% and platinum yakuza 0: completion list is at 99.2% and would’ve been finished today if not for pool (carom/combo shots- i made enough money from it though) and batting. my most significant peaks today were probably beating both so and jo amon on the first try miraculously and at one point i got like 34 points in expert koikoi
#if anyone has any advice on pool or batting feel free to tell me because boy am I struggling#and I’m so……so close#oh forgot to mention it but I also did all the climax battles I can for the time being- so a little over half of them maybe?#cant do the rest til I go through the finale and all that#frothing at the fucking mouth . I am so. CLOSE#y0#rambling#I think I actually like koikoi a little better than oichi kabu ngl. but maybe im just saying that cause I got lucky with koikoi#I do think I’m genuinely okay at it cause like I started to memorize the high point cards and the main hands (especially the high point#but still doable ones like moon viewing and boar/deer/butterfly) and yea worked towards those with my Choices#but still I wouldn’t say I’m Great at it either#not as confident with it as I am with mahjong#but no shit. I played mahjong for like three days straight where as koikoi I maybe spent two or three hours total on#eh actually maybe more like 1-2 hours. took me way less time than oichi kabu#anyway. very very close to 100% completion but still got a bit to go til I can platinum the game since I gotta#go back and do the main story again on legend mode and all that#the finale won’t take long considering I’m crazy maxed out in stats and weapons and all that but going through on legend mode + the rest#of the climax battles will probably be a bit more intensive#really honestly impressed with myself on the Amon fights. like. a month ago I would absolutely assume I’d have to have my friend do those#fights for me cause they’re fucking insane and both have 14 health bars or something like that. but I’ve grown. I’ve learned. i best them#MYSELF. and on HARD at that. very glad I did a ton of shit at the coliseum cause that helped train up for the Amons a Lot.#ok time to shut up and sleep
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scarletiswailing347 · 1 year ago
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so the unfortunate thing about me is that, when it comes to the media i consume, i tend to have one 'anchor' (very rarely two) to keep me interested
this is necesary cause i have an incredibly hard time being interested in things in general so i have to purposefully spend my focus on one thing so that i can keep being interested in it cause otherwise i just kinda feel meh about the thing, i mean ill still watch and enjoy it but i wont be as interested as id like to be and may even drop it eventually after struggling to keep interacting with it (this is unfortunately what happened with empires, x-life, yogscast, and the lsmp seasons without mumbo in it)
if i ever drop that anchor whether purposefully or not then i lose interest in everything that ive ever connected to its rope -- i could still enjoy them sure but then at that point theyll just be like every other filler content in my life, like music when im washing the dishes
for hc its mumbo, for dsmp and smplive it was schlatt, for the scrunkly squad its boosfer and baablu
for lifesteal its zam
idk what happened behind the scenes but ill be honest its not looking good and theres a possibility i might have to drop him :/
#mine.txt#not sure yet tho cause without enough context it just feels like im doing something unnecessary that the affected party (lila)#may not necessarily want#i mean intuitively it seems like something that someone would want#guy who hurt you loses support? sounds great right?#but thats not really something everyone wants and i am Very Sensitive to feelings of intrusion whether by me or other ppl#either way im def gonna loosen the hold at the very least#i mean i Could look for another anchor but its a lot harder for me to attach to an anchor if they were attached to another anchor before#so for me to stay interested in something even after the anchor dropped there has to have been another anchor at the same time#like boosfer and baablu with the scrunkly squad#even if one of them drops i can still stay interested in ss (although i may become more focused on one inner circle more than the other)#also ill be honest i just dont really care enough about lifesteal in general to do that#what a shame i really liked zams character too#both drawing and making stories of him#just gonna go hard on baablu and mumbo if it ever happens ig#oh man just realized im gonna drop gen too if and when it happens#nooooo not my saturday morning cartoon T-T#it is what it is ig its not the first time this has hapenned and it wont be the last#honestly the best option for me to stay interested in something is for the plot/lore to be my anchor#unfortunately that very rarely happens cause of how character-driven a lot of stories are#and esp with cc-content its even moreso considering its nature#...just now realizing this May be part of the reason why i love mystery stuff so much#yeah the characters are important but they mean practically nothing without the plot like they wouldnt act the way they do without it
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