#but im not supposed to be because I'm not alone in this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cozylittleartblog · 3 months ago

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bug doodles so i can say i drew something

#oc #original character #alien oc #artists on tumblr #art #aliens #sketch #nyx #having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too #i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right #if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month #just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling #IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR #more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it #i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it #guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art #or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed

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naamahdarling · 2 months ago

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Augh

#fancy is really struggling #and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them #but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy #and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this #and i will have to give the babies up #and...not have another cat #just one #i would be crushed #and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually #but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then #and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted #so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works #but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone #with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP #and one who is sad and not herself #and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this #and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard #and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three #and im already barely holding on #i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend #i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies #i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT #i don't want to be in a house so empty #i can't live like that #having the babies is lovely #they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing #even before they died #it's been so good to have them running about #i don't want to LOSE that #im so tired of LOSING things

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helmarok · 7 months ago

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i'm always thinking about this line

#ganon rambles #mcsm #mcsm petra #AGHHHHH AHHHHHH #i feel insane #bursted out laughing over 'you tend to push people away'#yasss feeding into her idea that people abandon her because there's something wrong with her 😋#yeah i'll make your mental illness worse #but anyways it makes sense #you meet her and she's completely alone as opposed to everyone else who already has their established friend groups #and also her line in episode 5 about getting used to having people who worry about her or whatever it was #and she is like a different person in the witherstorm arc lol.#well granted there was the death illness/amnesia but like.#my point... im always crazy about how she goes from closed off and cool abd lonely to like #...crying about her friends #like !!! ahahahahahahahahahaha #literally the most well written character in this stupid game and ashley johnson is such a good va too god #i'm supposed to be doing chores but i had to sit down and talk about petra. grown adult btw

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true-bluesargent · 2 months ago

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i am ill for the second time in as many weeks. university SUCKS i have got to stop leaving my room

#this is the first seminar i've missed though so that is not bad #but last week i had to cancel a DATE 👎#and today i was supposed to go to the doctor with my friend so she could get her flu jab and she had to go alone because i was vomiting #which is ironic!#and i have missed my seminar obviously but im supposed to see dracula the stage show tonight and i will be DAMNED if i'm missing that

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sharkjumpers · 1 year ago

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aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)

#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now:#i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three #classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an #its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don #im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my #hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow.#i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is #putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator.#i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here*#*here meaning the state i live in.#i am so Alone here.#i feel little and stupid

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godgavemenoname · 5 months ago

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as a younger alter i relate to claudia iwtv x_x'

#the isolation of being not a child but not an adult... screams #i just want FRIENDS #but like when im talking to adults... i usually have to lie that i dont exist so then we're not really friends even if we hang out imo #pretty sure it's impossible to be a friend to someone you don't know is alive!!!!#either that or they DO know i exist so they end up acting like my babysitter/aunt/whatever so we're never equals and it's uncomfortable :/#and i can't even talk to kids at all because like i KNOW i'm in an adult body i do not have to be told not to talk to kids i get it.#so i just hang out by myself a lot... dreaming to meet a system with some cool weird emo kid alter who would wanna be my friend...#wow. talking about it made me so sad i got a really bad headache DX #it's worse than back when i was real and alive because then at least i could go online and make friends #and now it's just the same shit online too!!!!!#how are we even supposed to deal with this?#i don't wanna integrate just to not be alone. i like myself and i like being myself!!!!#even after everything i still like being myself and im gonna keep doing it #fuck everyone who doesnt like it #this might not be my body or my life but i am still my own ME! and nobody and nothing in the universe can take that away from me #nico.exe

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the-acid-pear · 6 months ago

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Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.

#luly talks #i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre #like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok #that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments #pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats #it. and i always in zoning out #like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame #this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist #more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly #it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's #a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy #because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like #what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault #like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real #as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit #even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L #brain stuff

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mwagneto · 1 year ago

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okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭#partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörb��l vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀#i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND...#i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad.#canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

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bisaster-energy · 2 years ago

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why is it when my parents don't communicate with each other properly and problems arise because of it. im the one at fault

#i don't understand how this is my fault #u guys actively can't stand each other. but you hang out all the fucking time #if you'd talk about important shit instead of wtv tf u talked about all that damn time #in the backyard #you'd already know there was a discrepancy. but no it's my fault for not running #between the two of you to find an answer. not your fault for not being adults but mine #i cannot believe im still getting in trouble at my age for mundane shit. as if i go out and blow their money or smth. I don't do anything #but no me. A 19yo. getting yelled at because my mom scheduled smth for the wrong day and didn't say she couldn't make it #as if i was supposed to automatically know she did this and inform my dad. what the fuck is wrong with these ppl #I should be the one yelling. IT'S MY APPOINTMENT Y'ALL ARE FUCKING UP #i should just take the bus and go by myself but then I'd get in trouble for going somewhere alone #I'm gonna fuckin burn my house down why am I still in a cage biting the bars and getting scolded for #Scratching the steel #cee speaks #fuck it man im just. mad lol

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dani-the-goblin · 1 year ago

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.

#i wanna take a nap #however im forced to be a slave to capitalism #once again my body is betraying me #granted it's partially because I had a piece of metal shoved into it #the depression alone though is making me feel like I got hit by a bus #I'm supposed to DM a game tonight too but yhat might have to go on hiatus #I'm so tired of this bullshit meat sack keeping me from doing what I love #I'm so tired #i wanna lay face down on the radiator

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novelcain · 2 years ago

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I will never forget the day my former boss looked me dead in the eyes on my orientation day and said: I'm a great judge of character. I can tell that you're an extrovert.

Me nervously laughing because every time I had interacted with this man I was masking my ass off to get this job and most certainly was NOT an extrovert but also didn't want to somehow risk my new job by saying otherwise: Yep! You got me!