#but im not exactly going to be laying out a summary of ways ive tried to be a good ally to every person who so much as approaches me

[sashasparrow]

ok i'm having a Moment and if any of my followers can chime in here i'd appreciate it - preferably non-white followers.

my company is really invested in our DEI programs and i've been an active member of our group that focuses on racial identities in the workplace for about two years now. the person who runs it (a Black woman) is a close acquaintance and used to be one of my direct reports before her promotion.

in our on-campus leadership summit yesterday she asked me if i'd like to contribute paintings to sell at an event. i enthusiastically agreed before being informed this is going to be our juneteenth event. she told me her ideas of what she'd like to see and i am capable of it.

potential problem being that i'm white. and while i do my best to have diversity in my works, the idea of being a vendor at this event gives me pause. of course it would be an honor, but i'm less sure it should be *my* honor. however, i am aware that getting participation for these events is a struggle and there may not be someone else who could fill that role. me backing out wouldn't cancel this event or anything, but it would be one less participant and i would feel guilty for backing out of my (informal) agreement.

so, to my followers: if a white woman was a vendor at an event that was put together to celebrate Black lives and experiences, how would you feel? she's asked me to do cameo-style portraits of Black women, both generic and specific (like she directly asked for a Black woman in a bonnet, a Black woman with natural hair, and women like shirley chisholm, zora neale hurston, and claudette colvin). my plan is not to profit from this event and to sell prints at cost.

[mihwee]

"I just wanna eat him up."

Siyun Baek x M! Reader

SYS: You were staying over at Baek siyuns house, — Due to some unfortunate circumstances. your shirt JUST had to get wet. And it just had to rain. Whats up with these coincidences?

Well..Your both men right? Theres no need to worry. A little nap would be fine...

TAGS: NSFW. Blowjob, handjob, Deepthroath, dirty talk, Slight-ish taboo. CNC, Cum play, Cock Play. (He sucks ur cock when ur slesping 🔥 summary)

Warning: CNC. Harsh/explicit language as said, He does naughty stuff to your balls when ur over there pretending to be snoring (LMAOO) if your uncomfortable with that, you can leave. again MALE READER. no one is strictly top here so.....

MINORS UNDER 14 DNI. MINORS UNDER 16 DO NOT REQUEST. DNI :(fujoshis, Fudans alligned.)

Setting: His bed

A.N: Hey guys~ ive been gone for so long.... sordy~ busy with shs

By the way, you can request anything! Ive been catching up to the trendy manhwas these days, and trust me. Im not that picky when it comes to fantasies lolll . My friend just reccomended me this manhwa, and i told her im not really interested in romance. Pfft, the look on her face if she ever sees my account would be astronomical...

Siyun quietly sat on the bed. Staring intently at your sleeping figure. "Asleep already?" He thought, He hasnt even been out for 10 minutes. He hums, his fingers brushing over your hair, Your soft skin visible.

He felt himself flinch, Your soft breathing, the way you looked so peacefull on his bed. In his clothes, With HIm. He smiled a little, oh what Could have he been if your not there? He felt his eyes darken. You dont need those pesky pests that makes you miserable all the time. Just stay with him. Just say the word and he'll....

He softly mutters under his breath, his silver strands slowly falling onto your skin as he leans in closer. Enough to feel his breath against the corner of your lips. "Fuck."

.

.

As you feel him shift away from the bed, and eventually walk his way to the kitchen— you slowly turned around, and shot your eyes wide open. 'What the fuck was that??' You bit your inner lip, trying to compose youreself as you felt some heat creep up your face. 'So he really does like me...' you blinked profusely, Trying not to bite your nails.

You felt his lips graze onto your neck just a minute earlier, does he act this way even when im not around? You thought. Its not like your repulsed by actually finding out he likes men. Its that... you never believed someone like him, Likes YOU.

Your face heated up more at the thought of siyun liking you intimately. 'And its not to self loathe but there are many variety of optio'-

You tried to muffle your yelp as you felt a pair of hands dig onto the fabric of the mattress. Siyun came back. And to the best of your efforts, You tried to put up a best act. gripping onto a pillow and grunting, Laying upstraight.

Siyun watches a little, his eyes slanting as he observed your every move. Has he found out you were awake from the beginning? Ah, shit. But what suprised you even more, is that his hands were slowly spreading your legs apart. You closed your eyes tightly, hes infront of me? What the hell is he doing? You sweatdropped.

You felt him scoff from above, his raspy breath evident. You feel youreself twitch as he leaned down to your crotch, you feel like you could die right now. What is he planning to do? You gripped onto the pillow tight. Trying to hide your flushed face.

Siyun smirks a little, Hes never done anything like this before. And he knows fully well your wide awake, trying to pretend. He felt himself heat up. Your not pushing him away, you wanted this. You needed this. You needed his mouth on your dick. And your not exactly offended by the thought either. Lets just see how far you can go without fucking into his mouth, begging for more.

He hums lowly, his lips brushing against your inner thigh as he let himself get comfortable beteeen your legs. He lets out a soft "Aah" sound as he opened his mouth, placing his lips just right above your clothed tent.

He kissed your bulge softly, letting his sharp canine graze onto your waistband. Slowly dragging out stiffled reactions from your mouth. His hand onto your thighs, and his face burried deep. So you can feel his every breath on your most sensitive spot. He chuckles slightly, letting out sounds of soft lip kisses onto your cock, his hooded eyes staring right through you in the pillow.

"Fuck, i just wanna eat you up." Siyun muttered, grinning quite widely, before letting his broad tounge lick a strip up your bulge. Your reaction evident as you gripped onto the pillow tightly. Barely managing to keep the gasp inside of your mouth.

He hums in satisfaction, His boney fingers tracing your cock slowly. Circling the wet spot as he rested his head oh so casually just beside your erection.

You cant see whats going on, yet you feel so sensitive. You cant help it, Fuck. Shoudnt you be stopping him now? Why... ah..

You feel his finger snap around your waistband, and slowly dragging it down to your boxers. Humming all throughout the way. As your pants was on thigh level, he felt like it was appropriate enough to start sucking you off. He licked his lips a little, flicking your boner with the tip of his fingers.

"Desperate little thing huh?"

As he whispers, he lets out a blow onto your tip. Feeling annoyed that he cant see your face. But sure, Lets play this game Y/N.

You let out a involuntary moan as he wrapped his lips around your cockhead, Feeling a stripe of his tounge dart out and take a taste.

Occasionally, beads of tears well up against your eyes as he licked up long stripes against your shaft, his teeth grazing every once in awhile. His hand pumping against your base as he slicked up your dick with spit. When did he even learn this anyway? Did he observe from "those" dreams or something?

You held onto every ounce of pride you mustered, to not fuck into his mouth. Feeling his hands firmly press against the sides of your hips and finally take you whole into his mouth.

"Mmghh...mmmh." he moans happily, letting his tounge slide around your cock as he hollowed his cheeks, his eyes glancing at you through his eyelashes. Your arms still gripping on that fucking pillow.

He felt his eye twitch, determined to make you cum deep inside of his mouth. To forget about those two Insects for awhile, and focus on him entirely. He tries to let out every lewd sound to drag out your reactions one by one.

"Ngahh..." he moaned, licking a broad stripe under your shaft, He felt himself redden. Your cock was twitching and resting onto his face. his lips pursed to kiss every vein on your cock.

Shit, you were so cute. Your little whimpers drove him crazy. Every time your hips Bucked involuntarily, it got his own dick hard. He should control himself. He should... Ah, ah.... what should he even do with you?

He kissed the top of your cock, before enveloping it once more into his mouth. Trying to hide his excitement as his throath clenched around your lenght. He bobbed his head up and down, slowly tasting every part. Slicking it completley wet with his salivia. His nose hitting your pelvis as he let his mouth get penetrated.

You bit your lip, hiding your face under the pillow as you heard his mouth elicit wet squelches. I wonder whats the look on his face? You huffed out. Cut and erratic. The normal you woudve been slapping him on the face already. If not, you woudve been slapping youreself too.

You tilted your head discreetly, your eyes half lidded as you took a short peek. Yet you felt your heart race even more.

—He was directly staring into your eye. Your dick making a dent onto the side of his cheek. He smirked, Letting go with a slight 'pop' sound.

Siyun felt your cock twitch under his fingers, He bit his lip in excitement. He cursed under his breath, and pushed your pillow aside. Gripping it under his fingers as he threw it on the wall.

You huffed out, drool pooling onto the shirt you borrowed from him. Your eyes wide open and looking above him. "I...uh- ugh..." you muttered, before getting cut off immediatley. The lips that sucked your dick onto your own, tasting your own precum.

You moaned into his mouth, your tounges Inexperiencedly exploring eachother. Yet you coudnt care less. You placed your palm onto his nape, as he bit your lip. Rubbing it against his sharp teeth.

Your breath hitched once more as his palm went back onto your hard cock, fapping it more faster than before. "....y/n... your so cute. Your so so cute." He whispered, His thumb onto your tip. Is this a good time to confess? Well no fucks sake.

You bit your lip hard as he moved his mouth to bite and lick your earlobe. Whispering sweet nothings as his hand continued to pleasure your cock. " Ah... hah.. You love this. You fucking love it. So... so stay with me. Forever. Please..."

siyun felt himself get more and more turned on by your moans and whimpers, Without even touching himself. He wants to pleasure you for now... He doesnt want to push you too far. He should focus on you only. He can come later on.

You let out a broken moan that sent his eyes wide open. The grip on your cock tightening as white spurts of thick liquid shot out. Your hips bucked onto his hand, covering his fingers with sticky cum.

"Ah... ahhh.... u-uooh..."

he smirked widely, letting go of your softening cock as he lifted himself up. Sitting onto your thigh. As he looked at his hand, he coudnt help but feel a sudden rush of adredaline. His face flushed with his own sweat, not even noticing his own boner thats weighing down inside his pants.

He moaned onto his fingers as he licked your cum, Letting the salty taste spread onto his tounge. And looked at your breathy figure underneath him.

His fingers caressed your bruised lips, before letting two of his fingers enter your mouth. Your eyes half lidded,... before slowly sucking it.

His eyes widened, grinning even widely than before. You tilted your head down to take his fingers deeper inside your mouth, holding onto his wrist firmly.

"Ahh..."

"Fuck."

Oh my gosh, well... i was thinking of doing a part 2. So thats why there wasnt any aftercare as of now, Where its either he rides reader, or reader rides him...

Its up to me anyways~ u can comment. Maybe i can get convinced to continue this hehe

[tonydaddingham]

#pre-fall scene#all im saying

Myabe I'm being dense but what exactly are you saying?

oh god okay anon i'll be honest but even i don't really know what im saying!!!✨ well no, wait, i do but essentially im gonna need to use this ask to parse it out (and save @teddybearbutchh from being spammed with my stream of consciousness)

so, let me be clear - im open to any take on this line. we're clear, right (and was laid out brilliantly in that post!) that aziraphale seems to know something about miracling love that the archangels and crowley do not - this is an experience unique only to him (as far as we're aware). it's something he has presumably tried to do, and seen the lack of desired result, to be able to reach this conclusion. and in order for him to get away with the lie to the archangels, its something he knows they won't have done. pretty obvious summary, but bear with me - it helps me lay out my thoughts!!!

now look, it could be that he's tried to miracle crowley in love with him. it could be that he's tried to miracle himself out of love with crowley (heartbreaking). it could be that he's tried to miracle two humans in love with each other. but here are my thoughts on these three things:

i don't personally hold the belief that they've been in love with each other since eden. ive talked about it in other posts, i won't go on about it, but their interactions through time, for me, have been them falling in love with each other in a rather organic way. some of those interactions towards the beginning of their story have been stilted, cold, even arguably antagonistic at times - that's my personal read, anyway. so, if we hold that aziraphale didn't realise he was in love until 1941, it makes no sense, for me, for him to have attempted miracling crowley in love with him between these points...? i also think 1941 is where aziraphale realises that crowley at least feels something for aziraphale in kind - he saved the books! - and this gives aziraphale some sort of... hope? (right up until 'oh shit, we're too close now and it actually might have Consequences - "you go too fast for me, crowley"). so yeah, i don't see, personally, any point in this history where this version of the attempted-miracle might have happened. (edit: sorry, to clarify - 'this history' being between the beginning and essentially modern day)

second one? okay look, this kills me. i hate it (i love it), and i could see this being the case - a bit of a bait-and-switch, that it wasn't making people fall in love, it was that aziraphale couldn't handle being in love. horrendous thought... but if we go with this - again, where is the point where aziraphale would have attempted this? well, the only point for me would be between 1941-1967... and that would make sense!!! but... is it in aziraphale's character to do this? personally, i think not. imo, i think aziraphale would see being in love with crowley as a gift - one that hurts, definitely, but one that he is honoured to have. he's a being of love, can sense it as easy as... well, breathing - and i don't think it's something he'd wish away. lmao @ tennyson, mad lad: "it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." (he's definitely read, and probably liked(?), tennyson, if his line re: the kraken is anything to go by... god absolutely has, too)

this is absolutely possible - 100%... but for what feels like a pretty important line, especially in the romantic-plot-context of s2, wouldn't it have been important to see this happen? to have seen an instance where aziraphale may have tried to miracle a couple in love, and it have failed?

which brings me to the pre-fall scene, because it is the outlier in all of this, imo. aziraphale starts off very polite with AWCW (angel who crowley was), but as soon as AWCW starts becoming... yk, bubbly and excited, aziraphale's entire demeanour changed - he's suddenly eager to interact with him, tell him his name, and establish a connection. if nothing else, it's an instant crush for aziraphale, an immediate moment of '...oh shit, he's cute-cute', and this carries throughout the entire scene... and isn't reciprocated.

now, i don't necessarily think this is the moment where aziraphale would have attempted to miracle AWCW in love with him - in fact, i have to wonder if it was a conscious miracle at all? - but aziraphale seems both pleasantly surprised and... a little expectant? that AWCW is talking to/about him?

and has a rather rude awakening... so idk, perhaps out of angelic innocence/not-thinking-things-through/subconsciously willing it, tantamount to a miracle... aziraphale was hoping for AWCW to 'fall in love' with him back? or at least, pay back the same kind of attention that he was paying AWCW? and obviously it didn't work, so aziraphale knows - by s2 - that miracles don't work like that?

this is all a musing, im not at all firmly set on this and am happy to be argued (nicely!) back on it, but i think... potentially... it has some merit?✨

[goldenlikedaylight013]

Glimpse of Us

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

summary: im not good with summarys so ill not do one. read the a/n to understand the story better.

warnings:angst and not feeling loved

a/n: i am quite excited about this one even though is not as long as i wanted it to be. i love angst so much and after i read  @hey-kae ‘s fanfic called “secrets he’ll keep” (go check it, i cried a lot) i got extremely inspired to write. this is base on a joji’s song called “glimpse of us” bc that is some amazing music and i cant stop listening to it. also, im still learning how to write stories so please tell what you think so i can improve and english is not my first language so if you see any errors lmk :).

you and charles had been dating for a while now. you have been best friends since your teenage years. you really knew and cared about each other so, after the most awful breakup of your life, charles was the one to console you. that was also when he confessed his feelings for you, feelings that had been bottled up inside his chest ever since he met you and, after seeing you in such a painful state, he couldn't suppress those feelings anymore, he couldn't just sit there and wait for another jerk to break your heart again.

after that you found yourself in such a sensitive state that you just decided to receive his love and not fight against it. charles didn't know that. charles didn't have to know that.

it was not like you didn't love him, you indeed did, it was just a different kind of love and, after trying and trying, you just couldn't make yourself love him the way he loved you.

you were in his apartment, laying on the couch while he was in the kitchen grabbing a snack. this was a part of your routine now, going to his apartment so you wouldn't be left alone with your own thoughts but, here you were thinking about how you used to go to your ex boyfriend’s house just to be with him. charles never liked him, now you kind of know why. he used to say that he didn't deserve you, that  he was no good for you, and that was all true, you knew that but, still, you loved him.

charles sits beside you on the couch taking you out of your pondering. he smiles at you while coming closer. you give him your best fake smile but, that's not enough to fool him.after that you realize he backed off a little, not sitting as close to you as he usually does. “charles…” you start being immediately interrupted  by him “no, y/n. im not stupid, i know you dont love me” charles begins “i've tried to pretend that i don't see it, ive tried to pretend that you actually want to be with me but i cant keep fooling myself” he continues as tears start to stream down his face. you try to come closer to hug him but he just backs off “please don't do this to me, y/n. please stop pretending like you care about me when you're only thinking about yourself” now you are the one crying. the idea of hurting charles made you feel disgusted about yourself. “ i'm so sorry…” tears and more tears from the both of you “...i can't love you as you want me to…i truly don't know why and i can't change how i feel, i've tried and i've failed…im so sorry,charlie.” charles didn't stop you this time, he just sat there crying in silence. “i can't love anyone else,y/n i only love you” he said, breaking the silence. “charles…” “please, don't say anything else” after a moment of silence he stands up “would you like me to take you home?” he asks, not looking at you “yes, please” you say while trying to stop crying. after that nothing more is said. he drives you home, you leave the car and he goes back to his apartment. no goodbyes, no kisses, no hugs, no talking, just a painful silence and probably the last time you'll see each other. that was exactly what charles most feared, the end of you.

[xsarcasticwriterx]

Wonderwall-part 2

Summary: Y/n find out something that changes the course of her relationship and life forever.

Pairing: tony stark x reader x bucky barnes

Warnings: angst and angst and angst, panic attack, swearing, some bitter sweet fluff,

note: I know its a weird change cause i went from she/her to you and stuff but i like writing you more than her so here we are pfft also i mention civil war but this story doesn't fit in the timeline it just fit for the scenario.

Wonderwall masterlist

You and tony sat on the ship with IVs being stuck into you. bucky sat next to you “hey... wanna talk about it? he ask softly. you shake your head. “not now not yet” you say with tears falling down your face. you had cheated on him. you cheated on the love of your life the person you'd been with for 3 years. Not only that but with someone who has tried to kill bucky on multiple occasions. Tony moved next to you. “Hey...” he said with a sigh. “Promise me we will never ever tell them about this” you say with a panic. he nods frantically. “that's exactly what i was going to say.” and with that you two spent the rest of the time in silence.

You sat in your room. It was 4 days after you got back. you felt weird and had been getting sick for the past few days. The others assumed it was due to your body still adjusting to being on land with consistent water and food. but you had other ideas as to why this could be happening.

Your hands shook as you paced the room. “fuck fuck fuck ok it'll be ok” you said to yourself. you walked into the bathroom and opened the pregnancy test box. panic was all you felt as you took it. you set a timer and walked back to your room. you continued to pace. what would you do if you were pregnant. what would you tell buck? what would you tell tony?! you two promised not to tell anyone. the timer went off. you put your head into your hands. “ok its probably negative i mean what are the chances” you say walking back to the bathroom. you heart was going at a pace that was scary. your whole body was shaking. you grab the test and flip it over.

positive.

you stared at the 2 lines. you felt tears fall down your face and your breathing become rapid. a panic attack that's what this was. you fell to the ground as your breathing became uneven. “no no no no no” you say getting louder. you curl up and feel your whole body shake. you try desperately to grab for every breath but its like inhaling nothing. you start to cough from lack of oxygen and tears. snot ran down your face. you grab onto your hair and scream into your legs. the door immediately opens and bucky rushes to your side. 

“hey its ok im here” he says putting his hand on your shoulder. “count with me ok” he says. you barely hear him it's like being underwater but you nod with what strength you have. “ now 1″ he says. “1″ you reply dryly your throat is dry and your lungs feel empty.

you two count to 10 slowly. you gradually catch your breath. the shaking stops and you feel more exhausted than ever. he pulls you close. “wanna talk about it?” he ask kindly. you look down seeing the pregnancy test and bucky sees it too. he grabs it and turns it over. his breathing gets deeper and he stands up. he walks back and forth and nods. “tony?” he ask with an angered tone. you nod. his nodding and pacing gets faster. 

he walks out the room. you stand up quickly and chase after him. “buck bucky don't” you say quickly seeing him walk towards the one door that would fuck up everything. he nods hard and fast. You feel the tears fall faster and faster. “bucky stop it!” you yell at him. Tony opens the door and immediately is met with a metal fist. “fuck!” tony says holding his nose. Bucky pushes him again which shoves tony down. bucky get on top and keeps hitting him. “bucky! stop!” you say going towards him you try to just pull him but that does nothing.ok next plan. you grab his shoulders “Stop!” you say using your powers. 

you keep pulling him and he does stop. he falls back into your lap. “you promised me you'd never use your powers on me” he says looking up at you. “i'm sorry buck” you say tears falling still. his head falls back onto your stomach. tony looks up at you his face bloody and beat. the metal fist definitely did not help. he looks at you confused. “im pregnant” you say to him. you see his eyes widen. “wha-what” he says shaking his head. 

“shes fucking pregnant with your damn child” bucky says trying to pull out of your arms. you panic and hold him with all your strength. “sleep” you say feeling him go limp in your arms. tony just blinks looking down at the floor. “your....” he says trailing off. his breathing gets deeper.

Doors open in the hall. natasha is the first to come out then steve. Bruce slowly emerges. Wanda and vision come out in a worry. Clint is the last to come out hes geared up ready for a fight. “what's going on?” nat asks. they see tony and bucky's bloody fist. “I thought we were past this?” steve ask in a panic. you look up at wanda and natasha. 

Steve takes bucky away from your lap and takes him to the main room and lays him on the couch. You stand up with natasha and wanda's help. vision,clint, and bruce still look concerned but less worried. “anyone gonna tell us what happened?” clint ask.  

Bruce hands tony a rag to put on his possibly broken nose. “uh let's go sit on the couch.”  wanda says leading you to the main room. bruce helps tony to the couch. “I should...” you say nodding to bucky. They nod as you slowly go to him. you put your hands softly on his head. “wake” you say and immediately bucky shoots up angry and tears edging his eyes.

“buck buck hey calm” steve says grabbing bucky's shoulders. Buck stares at steve angrily. “sooo?” clint ask sitting on the couch. nat and wanda sat down too. you were in front of all of them. “tony and I spent a month and a half up there.” you start off. everyone sits up more. neither you or tony had spoken of your time up there sense yalls return. 

“We saw no end and I was about to have a meet and greet with death himself. Tony was giving up his food and water to keep me going” you say looking down messing with your hands. “I don't understand why this led to bucky beating she shit out of tony.” Clint ask. “let her finish” steve said. “We got closer than ever and had agreed that there was no chance at us returning. We were desperate to stop the pain to just be with someone be cared for before the end. We slept together.” you state. bucky's breathing gets more rapid and his hands form fist. everyone starts to yell at tony natasha tried to silence it which only made her a target.

“Shut up!” you say yelling at them. They look at you surprised. “shut up before we end up with another battle and let me fucking finish what the hell i'm saying before attacking tony which by the way it takes two to tango so shut up please.” you say looking at the floor hands making fist. everyone turns to you and shuts up even bucky and tony.

“Now I am pregnant with tony child. Now before you all start yelling and attacking tony just try to understand the situation.” you say. “Understand the situation?!” bucky yells. steve tries to calm him. “no no just no ok. He mmm he saw her vulnerability and used it!” bucky says standing up and pointing at tony.

“Buck no that's not it he didn't do that. I saw a world without you with no one except me and tony on that stupid ship dying slowly and mercilessly.” you say feeling tears falling again. natasha stood up and walked to you. “I know your pissed as hell at tony and at y/n but right now” she points at tony “you are going to be a father” and she points at bucky “and if you stay, which i think you should, are going to be a step father so let's just try to deal with that right now.”

Natasha held you by her side. Bruce stood up “I’ll help it whatever way I can.” he said. “me too” clint said standing. “I will too” vision said standing. Wanda stood “You always got me.” she said with a small smile. steve looked at bucky then tony and then you. He sighed and stood up “you got me too” he said with a nod. 

you swallow “thank you all of you” you say softly then look to tony and bucky. “You definitely have me i'm not going to bail on my child just because its a complicated situation.” tony said standing up. bucky let a soft growl out. “buck?” you ask hesitantly. He looks up at you and shakes his head. He walks off and soon yall hear a door slam.

You dropped your head. “Give him time” nat whispered to you. you nod. she nods to steve and steve nods and walks after bucky. natasha takes you to your room nodding to tony who nods back and walks to the kitchen. sittin on your bed you look down at your stomach. there's a person in there well soon they'll be. nat sat next to you “how're you feeling?” she ask. “I don't know...Im going to have a child and it's not the child of who i always pictured it as. I broke the love of my life's heart and broke tony and I’s promise.”

“bucky just needs time is all steve is talking to him and i'm sure tony understands that you couldn't keep it a secret you two made that promise when you didn't know you were pregnant and don't worry you have all of us here to help and protect you.” nat said. “I’m an avenger...I had a father who used me as a testing subject and gave me powers i couldn't control till i was 17 how am i supposed to be a parent? Their father is a billionaire who is ready to die at any shot and their possible step father was born in 1917 and was brainwashed to be a murderer.” you spew out.

“you'll be ok we are all broken and a mess but together we can raise this child. I promise. We will figure it out” she says rubbing your arm. The door opens and in comes tony with a glass of water. “figured you could use this” he says walking towards you. nat looks at you and you nod. she stands up and walks out. 

Tony sits next to you. “i'm sorry” you say immediately scared of tony being angry. “no no don't apologize you had to say something its not like you could just avoid questions when your stomach grows.” he says with a chuckle. “y/n i want you to know i am going to be the best damn father i can be and if you and bucky stay together...because you and bucky will stay together i know he will have a huge role in that child's life and i'm so glad they get 3 parents who love them more than anything in this world. I will protect the with my life I will not die for them. I will live for them.” 

“Tony...” is all you can get out through choked sobs. you hug him holding him close. “thank you” you say pulling away “what about pepper?” you ask concerned. “I’ll tell her just need to let this” he moves his hand to the room “settle before any more people get mad” he says. the door slowly opens and an exhausted, messy haired, red eyed, wrapped hand, bucky opens the door. upon seeing tony he sighs.

“can I speak to her alone?” he says with no emotion. tony nods and walks past bucky out of the room. tony closes the door behind him and walks towards the bed.

he sits next to you and sighs. “buck-” you starts but he cuts you off “don't....let me speak” he says. “I am pissed as hell at you dont get me wrong...but i understand...you didn't see a possibility as being back here all you saw was death. I will be the best step father i can and the best boyfriend i can be. I am far from forgiving you but I still love you and I don't want us to end and this child is amazing news even if they aren't mine. I will be as much of a father to this kid as I can be and I will raise them as my own. I'm here for the long run.” he says looking at you. you smile and hug him. “I love you too bucky...thank you” you say. 

This journey was far from over but for now the world felt damn good. This kid would have 3 parents who love them more than anything or anyone in this world.

[iceeckos12]

tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by  Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly. 

Yesterday is Here by  CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by  bibliocratic 

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart  by  firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by  PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by  callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care. 

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

“I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!! 

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

-------------

Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...

[voidselfshipp]

Jungle Lovestory.

Cw:blood ment, injury.

Ok to rb.

Summary: rengar gets saved by a weird vastayan, it doesnt take Long to fall in love, and it doesnt take Long before he discovers what she is.

It was a warm day in ixtail, awfully warm, it was so humid jerico knew she Will have to go to a hair saloon in piltover to get her hair back to normal.

Whatever normal was for a shapeshifter.

Her shuriman vastaya form was a tiger, with bright green eyes, she jumped from branch to branch, a huge beast seemed to hover above another vastayan. She knew him. He was rengar, the pridestalker.

The beast had him cornered, bloody with wounds she makes the split second decision to change forms.

Larger forms took more energy out of her, yet, she launches at the beast and knocks it away, it runs the opposite direction of them.

Rengar cant see well from the loss of blood, he breathes heavily, and jerico Turned back to her vastayan form. She sighed. Dizzy.

She walks over to him and a gentle hand, well, paw, lifts her his face up.

-- I...I had it-- protested the male tiger-- I had it-- he stops mid sentence, lunging forward, holding on jeri so he doesnt fall snout first to the ground.

-- easy there, youre badly injured, stay still, ill get some herbs

She leaves him resting in the cool shade of the thick trees, and quickly Scans around, swapping forms depending on where were the herbs.

With some notes on her Journal and some convinient ingredients And the mandatory first aid she always carried around, she managed to stabilize the vastayan before her.

-- who, who are you?-- asked rengar, feeling his lungs breathe easier.

-- im jerico, youre rengar right? Ive heard so Many stories about you!

Rengar looked at jerico, he wasnt aware of her shapeshifting nature, he saw her as a young vastayan.

-- what tribe are you?-- he asked.

-- I dont have any, my family passed away a long, long time ago-- said jer, stitching Him up, whistling a lullaby.

Theres silence, only the trees waving with the air, the birds and them.

-- there, ill help you up-- she softly helps him stand up, he picks up his sword and walk.

-- youre oddly strong for your size-- said the vastayan.

The shapeshifter tried to come up with an excuse-- its a Long story-- she lied, partially-- wheres your den? You need to lay down, ill take care or you until you get better

Rengar raised a brow-- as if Id take you to my only safe place,how do I know I can trust you

-- if ya didnt, you wouldnt have let me cure your wounds

Theres a brief silence and a huff of annoyance coming from the vastayan. That only makes jeri chuckle.

It didnt take long for them to reach the hunters den. Hes left on his bed, to rest.

She made him a tea, and softly revised his wounds to make sure no stitches were bursted

-- the tea should help with the pain,until it makes its Effect you should rest...

Rengar simply nodded, dumbfoded by this sudden feelings that were clawing their way out in his chest.

His body felt lightweight, not from the bloodloss, his chest was tight, not because he couldnt breathe, and his stomach was fluttery and he was damn sure that it wasnt the tea. He watched her prepare it.

Jerico never left his side, at dinner time she hunt the food, and prepared it. Safe to say it was the best meal he has ever tasted.

-- where did you learn to make this?-- he asked.

-- I travel around the world, I try to learn New things of every place I go to, I have it all in my Journal-- answered jer.

He smiled, letting his guard down for a moment-- you are quite...something-- he added-- whatever your tribe was, they were probably proud of you

--well, not exactly-- jeri said-- its uh I was born different, they shunned me because of it

-- I know the feeling quite well, but it only made you stronger, look where you are and what you did, if I were your tribe id be proud of you

Jerico smiled and helped rengar to his bed--thank you rengar, you rest and ill make sure nothing bad happends

Rengar, who was slowly letting these New feelings get to him, he shakes his head-- this place is mined with traps and alarms, If anything makes it through them,we'll know, you should rest too, youve done enough for me already

Jeri sighed as he patted a spot besides him, she gave in and layed besides him.

She played dumb when she notices his paw on her waist, she plays dumb as he puts his head ontop of hers and she also doesnt seem to notice his tail wrapping around hers. Even though she totally did notice.

Jer laughed and leaned back, feeling the bandages and fur of the vastayan against her back.

If rengar found out who she is....,what she is, would he love her any less?.

Jerico only sighed and let herself fall asleep in rengars arms.

The Next couple of days the pridestalker seemed to let his guard down around her more often. Jerico got to know his story,and she was hoping that he would never know hers.

But catastrophe struck as he catched her shapeshifting back into her normal form, her vastayan form had taken a lot of energy out of her.

Jerico Turned around and Froze.

Rengar treaded carefully, leaving his New hunt on the table and walking over to her.

His paws rest on her shoulders, shes Tiny compared to him, fragile.

He leans forward and presses his snout against her cheek, closing his eyes.

He felt her hugging him, and he hugged back, shes almost hid by his fur and completly hid by his body.

-- why didnt you tell me sooner?-- asked the vastayan.

-- I thought you wouldnt like me, Like this...

Rengar shook his head and hugged her tighter-- it only makes me love you more-- his claws comb through her hair.

Jerico snuggled closer to him, and pressed a kiss to his snout.

He smiled, feeling his cheeks heat up, carrying her to bed they cuddle the day away.

-- ive Killed Many things, nothing could bring me down to my knees, except you, a tiny little shapeshifter-- said rengar with a smile on his face.

-- well, Tiny but mighty!-- Joked jeri.

He hugs her and wraps his body around hers. They Keep cuddling all day. Hearing jericos Shenanigans across rune terra.

[bookofmormonmemes]

wassup yall it’s been forevys but im officially halfway through this abish book here’s some pros and cons

cons:

battle with exclamation points continues, now a new contender has entered the fight: ellipses. these are luxury resources and kc grant is ruining the economy

the most sudden unearned underwhelming unsatisfactory kiss scene ive ever read. we love our androgynous blacksmith babe but they kissed just in the middle of a paragraph completely out of nowhere with no dramatic tension or buildup at all and im upset

her dad’s Conversion Vision also feels pretty out-of-nowhere and also way too neat & tidy? he just comes in like “I had a dream that there’s only one God and everything we’ve ever been taught is wrong, come on let’s go change our entire lives” and abi’s like “ok lit.” we stan a ride-or-die daughter but cmon, gimme some CONFLICT, some INTERNAL CRISIS OF FAITH. I WANT A GODLY WRESTLE!!

it’s racist. the racism is dressed up pretty but it’s there and it sucks. the nephites are white which is automatically a loss but madam grant consistently portrays that whiteness as not only more civilized and righteous but also more attractive??? abi’s living with this nephite family and this one boy walks by with blonde hair and green eyes and she’s like “these nephites were like the colors of the rainbow...such variety...” and it’s. it’s gross.

androgynous blacksmith babe is Lost At Sea. i know from reading the summary of the sequel book that he survives and they get married but for now I Miss Him.......

what is the plot. where is the plot. when is the plot. there’s so many random things happening and she’s ending up so many different places, i have no idea how or when she’s possibly gonna end up where she’s sposed to be. tally marks of “days without my queen” stretch across the wall. ammon has yet to be introduced. where are my children. what is happening. how can i go on

pros:

HER

HER

S H E E E E

she is how i can go on

at one point she goes to help gardening and when asked what she’s doing she replies “i am sitting in the dirt”

the moment she’s free from Societal Expectations she goes right to climbing trees and killing random peccarys in the wild

apparently lots of research was done on the flora and fauna and geology of this place! enough to have detailed beautiful descriptions of different flowers and rocks but not enough to know quetzals are green

OH YEAH SHE GETS A COOL SCAR ACROSS HER FACE, SHE ALMOST GETS ASSAULTED BUT THEN ABB (ANDROGYNOUS BLACKSMITH BABE) CONKS THE CHUMP OVER THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND ABISH JUST ENDS UP WITH THIS WICKED EPIC KNIFE SCAR

afterwards they’re fleeing town and so decide to cut her hair and start new lives and!!!! aaaaahhh!!! 

abish: with this puckered scar from brow to cheekbone and this hastily knife-shortened hair, i must look horrid, at least jared sees past that and loves me anyway

me, a lesbian, imagining her, remembering that she was described as also taller than everyone, thinking about her, THINKING ABOUT HER: 

the nephite fam shes livin with is basically just parents & three toddlers and theyyyyyy’re cute

baby brother picks up an iguana and wants to keep it, dad is like No but abish is like Maybe...the lizard saga continues

there was a fun sweet sailor man whom i love, who tries to make small talk in the middle of a storm. just yelling “HEY YALL GOT FAMILY BACK HOME?” over the wind while bailing water off the deck. iconic

at another point some nephites harass her for being Different and she completely destroys them. goes in wrestling and “actually abish did most of the fighting; the boy just lay there in disbelief. it was only after two of the other boys joined in that abish felt her abilities being tested.” HER POWER!!!!

after this she feels all guilty and wants to go apologize but literally everyone else is on her side. like nah those creeps deserved it. good on ya for whoopin them

and when i say everybody? i mean EVERYBODY. A Proclamation Comes From King Mosiah. THE KING. saying “hey heard yall were being racist. cut it out. losers.”

the proclamation itself reads exactly like a modern bishop newsletter but in context it’s like, THE KING??? THE KING. imagine if you got in a fight with your school rival and then a nationwide statement comes out cosigned by russell m nelson and barack obama telling literally everyone that you were in the wrong here

she’s iconic

and finally. every page i turn is a page closer to ammon and the queen. hopefully. we’re halfway there folks. give me strength.

[comphersjost]

Contact (Four Times You Asked Him to Cuddle and the One Time He Asked You) ➸ Connor Brown

downtown connor brown babey! i honestly love this one so much i worked so hard on it and im really proud of how it turned out! i hope you enjoy!

words: 4.5k+

warnings: none really? a little angsty towards the end, a lot of cuddling and fluff and mutual pining. very brief mention of cancer and death in part IV

summary: you always need physical contact, always being touched and held by someone around you. when you’re left alone with Connor, the one you don’t really know too well, he’s really your only option before you go insane.

find my masterlist here

I.

You needed physical contact. You craved it, actually. If someone wasn't touching you at any moment in time you were uncomfortable. It was okay for short periods of time but now it had been hours. You were currently in Mitch’s apartment, sitting curled up on his couch, and Mitch was out getting groceries. He'd left you with Connor fucking Brown and no one to cuddle or touch or hug or anything. And no fucking way were you going to ask Connor to cuddle you.

Well, maybe you were. You'd glanced over at Connor and least 6 times in the past 3 minutes, the lack of contact driving you insane. You've been shifting in your seat, unable to get comfortable, and your leg was shaking up and down so fast you thought it would fall off and you couldn't even focus on whatever episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine Mitch had left on before he ran out to do some shopping. Steph or Mitch or Auston were usually touching you or letting you touch them in some way, but now you were here. Alone. With Connor. And you were going out of your mind.

“Connor?” you finally work up the courage to let out a weak whimper of his name.

“Took you long enough,” Connor hummed, turning his head to look at your confused face. He sighed. “You've been looking at me like you want to ask me something every 5 seconds. What's up Y/N?”

You look down at your hands, fiddling with your fingers. “Can I-would it be okay if-I-” you can't seem to find the right words until you look back up at him. “I just really need physical contact, like, all the time and was wondering if it would be okay with you if we cuddle?” You blurt out, the words rushing out so fast you're not sure if he understood you. It takes a second for the words to register with Connor, and he starts to blush.

“Yeah,” he breathes, lifting his arm for you to crawl over and tuck yourself under, “Of course, honey, c’mere.” You’ve never scooted across a couch so fast. Both you and Connor could feel the tension in your body flow out as your curled up with your head on his chest. “Hey,” Connor murmurs as your shaking slows down. His arm pulls you in closer to, situating you in his lap and your feet hanging off his thighs. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Your head is laid on his broad chest, and you can hear his heartbeat thundering in your ear. “M’sorry to put you on the spot, just Mitch or Steph or Aus sometimes are usually there for me to-”

“Cuddle?” Connor chuckles, vibrations running through you at the rumble in his chest.

“Not necessarily,” you whine, trying to press yourself closer to ease the trembling in your body. “Just need them to touch me somehow, or let me touch them.”

Now that Connor thought about it, one of the three always was touching you in some way, whether holding your hand, or sitting in their lap, or hugging you from behind. He usually tried not to think about it, not liking the way seeing you with Auston or Mitch flared jealousy in the pit of his stomach. Yeah Mitch was in a relationship but still. Now things made more sense, but it didn't help settle the jealousy.

“Why didn't you ask me earlier?” he rests his cheek against your head, whispering into your ear.

“I don't know,” you murmured, embarrassed, “thought it might be weird ‘n I thought I could handle it, I guess. But it was driving me crazy.”

Connor only hums at your responds and says, “Don't be afraid to ask again.” You don't respond to that, letting your eyes flutter half-way closed to keep your eyes on the show that you could finally pay attention to.

It felt like hours that you stay there, tangled up in Connor’s arms. At some point, he had laid down, picking you up by the hips and holding you in the air while he shifted - holy shit he was so strong and so big - and then placed you back to lay on top of him, pulling your head back to lay on his chest.

You don't think you've ever been this comfortable cuddling with anyone else, not even Auston. You'd begun to feel sleepy when the door to Mitch’s apartment flew open with a slam.

“I’m back bitches!” Mitch cries and you scramble to get off of Connor. “How do we feel about- oh. I didn't realize you were-”

“We weren't!” you exclaim frantically. “It’s not - I’m not - we weren't-” Mitch has a smirk on his face and Connor’s eyes are wide, red hair tousled from how you'd been playing with it. “We weren't-”

“Relax, Y/N, I'm kidding,” Mitch laughs, “I get it, sometimes you just need to cuddle and I abandoned you with Connor.” With that, Mitch turned to walk into the kitchen and started to put away groceries. “Anyways, so Steph is coming over for dinner and I was thinking…”

You tune him out to look at Connor, he seems hurt at what Mitch said, and you realize that Marner’s choice of words wasn't exactly the best. “He didn't abandon me, Con,” you say softly, and he snaps his head towards you. “I didn't feel like that, I swear. I just - I felt weird about asking because - you've never - we've never, and I didn't know if you were gonna take it weird or-”

“Y/N,” Connor interrupts you with a hand covering yours. “It’s okay. I understand okay? And you're a good cuddler, whenever you need contact again, just tell me okay? I wouldn't be opposed - at all. Okay?”

“Okay, Con,” a smile plays on your lips. “Thank you.” Before you can talk yourself out of it, you lean over to press a soft kiss to his cheek before getting up to help Mitch put away groceries.

You don't look back. And you don't see Connor’s cheeks light up, or see him touch the spot where your lips were.

II.

Connor knew you were uncomfortable. Even with Auston’s arms wrapped around you while he flirted with some girl, you were tense. The blonde was glaring at you everytime she wasn't batting her eyelashes at Auston. You didn't like the attention, it made you anxious and you eventually had enough. Squirming out of Auston’s grip, you nudged him with your elbow.

“Get out of here,” you sighed, motioning to the girl when he looks at you with a frown. “I love you to death, thank you, but go home with her, Auston, she's about to kill me.”

“You're the best, angel!” Auston hugs you quickly, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

You laugh quietly, turning back to lean on the bar of the club you'd been dragged out to. Mitch and Steph were nowhere to be seen - probably making out somewhere - and the thought of Connor hadn't even crossed your mind. You take the first empty stool at the bar and try to reel yourself back in, but your leg was starting to shake again and you felt empty.

“Hey,” a voice murmurs in your ear, giant arms wrapping around you from behind. You tense for a moment before breathing a sigh of relief when you realize who it is.

“Hey Con.” You lean back into him, letting your head fall on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Connor’s lips are by your ear, and even though he was touching you, his closeness was almost overwhelming.

“Yeah,” you say, your tone not convincing at all. “You?”

You feel him shrug. “Kinda wanna go home, too many people here.”

You turn in your seat, his arms still hold you. “Do you, maybe, wanna go back to mine? Just watch a movie and cuddle or something?” You feel ashamed that you're asking him, but you're a little buzzed right now and you want to be close to him for as long as you can.

“Yeah,” he smiles timidly at you. “That actually sounds perfect.” You grin at him, and then he's taking your hand and pulling you out of the club you'd been in with the team, dragging you towards his car. You laughed as you ran through the parking lot, scrambling into his car as quickly as you could.

“Ugh, that was exhausting,” you say as soon as you're on the road. “There's so many people, and Steph and Mitch were like teenagers, oh and that girl that Auston was flirting with looked like she wanted to fucking kill me.”

Connor burst out a laugh, keeping one hand on the wheel and placing the other hand in the middle of your seats. “Yeah, it’s overwhelming sometimes huh?” You blink at the way he placed his hand palm up, it seems like an offer. You take it, pulling his hand into your lap. You smile over at him while you play with his fingers, only to see him already sneaking glances at you.

“It's so overwhelming,” you whine quietly.

Connor’s only been to your apartment a handful of times but the way he's driving over there it almost seems like he makes the trip on a daily basis.

The moment you get up to your apartment, you're getting changed into leggings and a t-shirt, handing Connor a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that Mitch had left at yours in case he wanted to crash there. When you go back into your bedroom to get a hoodie, you ignore the way that his formal clothes are laying on the floor as if they belong there. As if they’d been there for a long time.

The moment both of you are changed and comfortable you're laying on top of Connor on your couch, a Netflix movie playing on the TV. You ignore the heat that you feel from his hand when it slips under your hoodie and t-shirt to hold you to him. You try to ignore the way he strokes your hair and nuzzles his face into your neck from time to time. And you ignore the feeling that this the way that things are supposed to be.

III.

To say that Connor was surprised to see you at his door was an understatement. Your mascara was smudged and your hair was a little messed, but you up but holy fuck you were still beautiful.

“Y/N,” he blink in surprise when he swings the door open. “Hey, what's up?” You don't answer, pushing past him into his apartment. You grab his hand and barely take your shoes off before your dragging him through his apartment to his bedroom. You let go of his hand for a moment to unzip your hoodie and throw it on the floor.

It's only when you're crawling under the covers of Connor’s bed that he breaks out of his stupor. You raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to join you. You notice for the first time that he’s wearing a worn-out t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. A smile plays on Connor’s lips when he reaches behind his back and pulls his shirt over his head and lets it drop to the ground. Your lips part in shock for a moment, but he sees it.

“What?” he challenges you with a smirk. “It’s my house and my bed and I’m gonna be as comfortable as I want.”

“That’s fair,” you shrug. “Now c’mere, I wanna cuddle.” You pout for a moment, causing him to chuckle. You try not to stare at his bare chest as he crawls into bed next you. When he pulls you into his body, you notice that he's so warm that you can feel the heat radiating off of him even through your thin cotton shirt. This is the first time you've cuddled against his bare skin, and it’s intoxicating to feel him against you.

You feel safe in Connor’s arms. You feel like home. And you want to kiss him so badly. Before you can put together a list in your head of why you absolutely should not kiss him, Connor speaks.

“What's up? What happened?” You groan quietly and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“An old…” you pause for a moment, not sure what to call Jaxon, “acquaintance from high school was in town and wanted to get coffee. I thought he might’ve changed since I last saw him and I said yes. He got a little touchy, not in a good way.” Your words come out muffled, seeing as your mouth was squished in the spot between his neck and his shoulder, but you still feel him tense.

“I’ll kill him,” Connor growls. Shit, that was hot. “I swear to God, if he ever touches you again I’ll fucking murder him.”

“Woah, hey.” You lift your head to look Connor in the eye. You reach up to smooth out the wrinkles on his forehead from how deeply his eyebrows were furrowed. You lay a hand on his cheek, watching as his frown lessens a bit. “He doesn't deserve my time, Con, much less yours.” Your thumb strokes across his cheek, under his eye, before you realize how intimate this whole situation is.

Your eyes widen before you move to pull your hand away. Before you can, Connor catches your wrist places your hand on the side of his neck. By habit, your fingers curl around the back of his neck, threading through his hair. You lay your head back down, not seeing Connor’s eyes flicker to your lips for just a moment.

You're feeling rather bold, however, and press a soft kiss to Connor’s bare shoulder, mumbling a soft thank you. Connor says nothing, but his arms tighten around you and he lays his head against yours.

As you both drift off to sleep, he can't help but think that he's so screwed.

IV.

I need you. Can you come over? The moment Connor gets the text he's pulling on a hoodie and grabbing his keys.

On my way. comes his responds not even a minute after you hit send. You'd never actively texted or called Connor first when you needed something. He was always a last resort, something you're not sure if he knew. But somehow the ginger had wormed his way into your heart and to the top of your list.

He’d recently been the one you reached for out of instinct. When the team was hanging out at someone’s house, or after a game or event, or when you both got tired of the crowdedness of a bar. Connor was kind, and warm, and he felt safe. And you needed him.

15 minutes after you’d sent the text, there was a knock on your door. You scrambled to get the door, pulling Connor in by the arm as soon as the door is open. “Con,” you mumble against his chest, trying to get him as close as possible. Connor’s thick arms wrap around you, holding you impossibly tight.

“Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?” Connor’s voice is laced with so much concern that it makes you emotional, amd it takes a moment for him to register the shaking of your body as crying. He snaps out of his daze when you sniff softly against his chest. “Oh, fuck, honey, no.”

Your throat feels swollen, you can’t speak, so you nuzzle deeper into him. Connor slowly walks you back towards your bedroom, fumbling to lock the door with a one hand without looking, and keeping his arms wrapped around you. He just takes his shoes off as you let yourself fall on to the bed in his arms.

“Baby,” Connor whispers, “baby, what is it? What's wrong?” You sob against him, curling up against him to try and block everything else out. This is the first time Connor has seen you cry, much less this distraught, and it hurts him to see you in so much pain.

“Please, Y/N,” Connor pleads, “just-just talk to me, how can I make this better?”

“Just hold me, please, Connor.” Your voice sounds so weak and broken and Connor would burn even the world down in its entirety if it’s causing you pain. “Please, I can’t lose you too.” Your words make Connor remember you telling Mitch about a childhood friend of yours two weeks prior. She was sick, and they’d run out of options. You just hadn't expected this so soon.

“Oh honey, she’s gone isn't she?” You only sob harder at that. “I’m never leaving you. I swear, Y/N, I’m right here, I promise you’ll never lose me.”

You’re laying there for hours before your sobs finally come to a stop. Connor has held you the entire time, the pressure encircling you helping calm you down even just a little bit.

“Connor?” you finally whimpered, voice raw after hours of crying.

“Yeah?” he hums softly, his eyes staying trained on the ceiling.

“Connor,” you say, stronger this time. He turns to look down at you, only for his lips to meet your mouth. He groans as your lips move against him, one hand coming up to cup to your neck.

Your mouth is soft and needy, and the whimpers that are escaping are addictive.

“Fuck,” he hisses against your lips, “fuck, I never thought-we can’t-Y/N.”

“Con.” Your mouth is back on his to cut him off, desperate to be close to him. His jaw is jutting gently against yours as he moves, as if drawing something from you.

“Y/N, wait,” he moans softly, pulling back, “we can’t.”

Your eyes widen. “Fuck, I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” you scramble to untangle yourself from Connor’s body before he stops you and pulls you back into him.

“It’s okay, darlin’, it’s alright,” he murmurs against your hair. “Let’s just talk about this when you’re not grieving okay?”

You relent and bury your head back into his neck. You never did talk about it.

V.

You and Connor hadn't talked about the kiss since it happened 3 weeks ago. He was there for you when you needed him, let you go through your grieving process with him and your other friends by his side. But other than that, your relationship had remained strictly platonic. Soft kisses on the cheek were exchanged here and there but that was the extent of it. But holy fuck, you wanted to kiss him again so badly.

He wanted to kiss you, too, but he’d been holding back, pulling away from you emotionally and trying to bury his feelings. Connor thought that the kiss came from your grief, that you just needed comfort at the time, and he refused to believe that you reciprocate his feelings for you.

Sleep didn't come easy for you lately; it never did but the past few days especially. The boys were on a road trip, and Steph had gone to visit her family. You missed your friends, not just the contact, but them. But most of all, you missed Connor. Yeah you missed his hugs, and cuddling with his 6’0 frame, but you also missed his voice, and his eyes, and his jokes, and the way he laughed at the dumb things the boys would do. You missed him a lot.

So at 3 am when Connor’s name flashes across your phone screen, you feel overrun with panic. The boys had just gotten back the night before, and you assumed that he would be catching up on sleep, so you had sent a simple text when you knew his plane landed saying good job on the roadie! proud of you. You hesitate for a moment before picking up the phone.

“Hey,” you breathe when you lift the phone to your ear. “Connor, how are you?”

“Oh,” Connor sounds surprised, and your heart sinks for a moment. “Hi, I-I didn't think you’d be awake.”

“Well, I am,” you reply. “Everything okay? I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“I thought you were sleeping,” he chirps back, causing you to laugh softly.

You hesitate for a moment. “I actually, haven't really been sleeping much lately.”

“Oh, why? Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Connor sounds so worried and concerned that it almost makes you angry. Who is he to play with your feelings like this?

“I don't know,” you restraint yourself from snapping at him. “It just happens sometimes.”

“Oh.” You were getting really sick of that.

You sighed, “Look, Connor, is there a reason you called me at 3 in the morning?” Connor stutters for a second at the question.

“I-uh, I really just, I wanted to hear your voice.” The confession leaves you a little breathless. Is he serious? He speaks again, softer this time. “I miss you.”

“Connor are you drunk?”

“What? No.” He sounds kind of offended it almost makes you laugh. There's shuffling in the background and you think he must be moving from wherever he was sitting or laying. He sighs again. “Listen, I, do you - can you come over? You don't have to - obviously - but I -”

“Give me 15 minutes,” you say, cutting of his rambling. The line clicks before he has a chance to respond.

You’re knocking softly at his door 14 minutes later. He opens it and you can’t help but stare at him. He looks like hell but damn, he's as attractive as ever. He’s wearing a worn Leafs shirt and black sweats, his red hair is all messy and there are bags under his eyes.

“You said 15 minutes,” he grumbles, pulling you into his chest. “It’s been 14.”

“I don't know why you’re complaining, I got here faster than expected,” you quip back. He only hums, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder. He unzips your hoodie and drags it off of you, leaving you in only a pair of his sweatpants that he’d left at your place 2 weeks ago and a black sports bra. You shudder when he presses a soft kiss to your bare shoulder.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers against your skin. Another kiss. “I couldn't sleep without you on the road.” Another kiss.

“Connor.” The warning in your voice is clear, but he only presses one more kiss to your shoulder and extracts himself from you. Taking your hand he pulls you along with him towards his bedroom. And - is that? Is he? “Connor, why are you limping?”

His hand tightens around yours, but he doesn't look back, kicking the door closed behind him as you both enter the bedroom. “It’s nothing, just got hit kinda hard,” he mumbles.

“Connor,” you pull him back, making him stop in the middle of the room. You reach out to touch his face, noticing a cut above his eyebrow that you hadn't seen before. You run your fingers along the cut, then down to his jaw. “What happened?”

Connor sighs. “You saw the fight?” Of course you did, Connor had launched himself at Sidney Crosby to defend Morgan.

“Yeah, but I didn't realize-”

“It was this bad?” he smiles sadly. “Yeah it was bad, no one really knew it was until we were on the plane home.”

“Oh, fuck, Con, why didn't you say something?” You step closer to him, now having to crane your neck to look him in the eye.

“I just wanted to go home, Y/N,” he says, sounding defeated. “I just wanted to go home and see you.” You freeze when his hands come up to cup your face. His hands are so big, they pretty much cover your entire face.

“Connor…”

“Listen to me,” he pleads. “I can't - please I just - I can't stop thinking about you, I can't stop thinking about that kiss and the way that you felt. I thought that maybe, maybe it meant as much to you as it did to me, but maybe you just needed me to be there for you, and I tried to be, I tried so hard, but I - Y/N I need you. I’m falling in love with you, Y/N. I want to kiss you all the time, and I want to be able to touch you because I just want to, and not wait for you to ask me to hold you. And when I come home, Y/N, I want to come home to you.”

“Connor-”

“Please.” Connor squeezes his eyes shut, and he sounds broken, defeated, desperate. “I love you.”

You reach up to nudge your nose against his. “Connor.” You feel his breath catch against your mouth, and you lean up further to fit your lips together. He lets out a soft whimper when your mouths press together softly. You hum in response, curling your fingers around his neck to tangle in his hair.

Your lips are like pieces of a puzzle, they fit perfectly together, made for each other. His thumbs swipe across your cheeks, incredibly soft for how huge they are - how huge he is. His hands slide down from your face to your hips. And then he bends to grip your thighs and pick you up so that your legs are wrapped around his waist - well, more around his abs than his hips. You break away from him for a moment to gasp Connor’s name against his lips before he’s kissing you again. Fuck he's so good.

You pull your mouth away from his to trail kisses down his neck. “I can't stop thinking about you either,” you whisper at you mouth at his jaw. “Can’t get you out of my head, been wanting to kiss you for months.” He lets out a moan at the words, and then again when your teeth scrape against his pulse. “Thought you didn't want to kiss me after the first time. I thought you didn't feel the same.”

“Baby,” he moans as you slide your tongue along his skin. “I love you. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”

“Don't apologize,” you murmur. “Can I-?”

“Leave a mark,” he moans, “Mark me up as much as you want, I’m yours.” You whimper at his words, taking his invitation immediately and sucking a bruise into his collarbone. You leave more marks, reveling in the noises falling from his lips. “Can I just hold you? And kiss you?” Connor sounds hesitant, as if expecting you to say no.

“Yeah,” you breathe, lifting your head to kiss him again. Connor moves the two of you onto his bed, laying back so that you’re laying on top of him. He tilts your chin up to press his lips against yours.

“What the fuck?” you say, staring at him. He raises an eyebrow expectantly, waiting for you to elaborate. “You’re so pretty.” Connor laughs suddenly.

“What?”

“You're just, you look really good like this,” you mumble shyly. “With your hair all messed up and you’re blushing and you have hickies everywhere and -” He shuts up your rambling with a kiss.

“You’re beautiful, so fucking gorgeous,” he moves back to stare at you, his eyes moving to look at you with soft, loving eyes. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

You panic for a moment. “Oh shit, Connor, I love you too by the way.” He giggles - actually giggles - and presses his lips to yours.

The two of you spend the rest of the night just kissing to make up for lost time, whispering I love you’s against each other’s skin. 

[mskinkyafro]

Last Call (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

A/N: I know what most could be thinking...what the hell it’s only been two chapters, but I can’t help it! I feel so much excitement and adoration for Dr. Ethan Ramsey. We don’t know much about him but ideas were popping in my head all weekend.  Any details I reference about his past in this fic is original content I conceived and nothing confirmed in PB cannon. This would definitely not be apart of cannon so cannon divergence here. The song used briefly in this fic is “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding.

Italicized and bold:song lyrics

Italicized: internal thoughts

Summary: Dr. Ethan Ramsay takes time to reevaluate the newest intern that’s captured his attention in more ways than one, whether he wants to admit it or not.

All Rights to PB for their characters, settings, and stories. I don’t own them, I just borrow minus my MC Dr. Katrina Michaels.

All Rights to who own the song “These Arms of Mine”.

In the mischievous hours of the night Dr. Ethan Ramsey sits alone in the now barren Donahue’s nursing another drink. The place once buzzing with noise is now near sheer silence except the gentle music playing from the jukebox. The last crop of stragglers, only a few with slurring speeches make their exit. Hearing the soft thud of the door shutting he let out a mild grunt and raises his near empty glass towards the bartender.

“Last one, buddy. My knees are screaming and any minute longer I’ll be visiting you at your job versus you visiting mine.”

Reggie says as he refills the glass and then grabs a rag to clean.

“Now we can’t be having that now.” Ethan replies before taking a small gulp.

Suspicious at such warm words from the man Reggie stops wiping down the counter to look at Ethan.

“Hmm, that’s strangely kind of you-”

Before Reggie can finish his sentence Ethan cuts him off all the while looking into his diminishing drink

“Because then who will serve me drinks at my beck and call?”

His eyes shine with mirth as looks at Reggie while he takes another sip.

“You almost had me there. You’re a cheeky bastard, you know that? I should throw your ass out for that.” Reggie says while shaking his head amused.

“But you won’t because you’re too good. That’s exactly why the likes of myself don’t deserve you as friend Reg.”

“Heh, damn right. I only keep you around because you tip well.”

Ethan chuckles at the man in front of him.

“Never change, Reggie.”

“Wasn’t planning to buddy.”

The two men finish laughing when the shoosh of the door opens and a young African-American woman enters while calling over her shoulder before the door closes.

“I’m going to use the restroom and wait inside until the Lyft comes. Night everyone!”

Recognizing the voice speaking  Ethan turns and sees Dr.  Katrina Michaels. As she moves from the entrance and towards the back right of the bar to the restrooms his gaze follows and he retreats to his mind briefly.

“I haven’t quite figured out why but there’s something about the rookie that intrigues me.”

Reggie notices his friend is watching the woman from earlier and can already gather what could be the reason why. Being the good friend that he is Reggie decides to give his old pal  a nudge in the right direction. So he taps Ethan on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Welp, I gotta clean up in the back. Keep an eye on the place for me. Especially the little lady, I’m leaving both in your capable hands.”

Ethan quirks an eyebrow at Reggie as he takes another swig and asks

“What are you getting at Reg?”

Reggie smirks to himself and shrugs his shoulders before he turns to leave Ethan alone and enters a side door near the shelves of alcohol. Ethan scoffs and continues to drink his glass of scotch enjoying the the burning sensations that slide down his throat. His thoughts lingers to earlier in the night when talking to Katrina.

“She definitely is different in the real world but on the hand not so much.  I don't quite understand why this intern is different from the others. Other than  proving herself capable so far but outside  EdenBrook I notice that my thoughts have dawdle on her more  trivial attributes. Such as her underlying fierceness or perhaps her vivaciousness. Well I suppose I can’t say I truly recognized these qualities more so I overlooked them, one such as her beauty. She truly is stunning. It makes me wonder why a woman like her spent time near me when the place was swarming with younger men. Especially asking if someone was waiting at home for me. It can’t be what I think… no I probably need to ease off the alcohol right now. Besides who would wait around  for me anyway? Edie surely doesn’t anymore.”

As he sets his glass down back on the counter he hears a soft voice calling his name which removes him from his thoughts. Without turning around he says

“Hello again, rookie.”

“I’m surprised to see you still here Dr. Ramsey.” Katrina Michaels murmurs.

He turns to face the intern and replies

“I’m surprising in a lot of ways.”

She smiles and delicately places herself  onto the stool that’s next to Ethan.

“You’ll have to  prove that you know.”

Despite himself he smirks at her. His gunmetal blue eyes piercing into Katrina’s hazel ones. Their gazes seem to challenge yet captivate the other. There’s a comfortable yet tense air between the two until the smooth vocals of Otis Redding play from the jukebox.

“These arms of mine, they are lonely. Lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine are yearning, yearning  from wanting you...”

The song continues to play as Katrina speaks.

“You know he’s is one of my favorite artist. I used to...”

As she speaks Ethan watches the woman in front of him. He observes the way her eyes are lit up to how a rogue strand of her curly hair hangs, and even how in the dimly lit bar her smile radiates and contrasts with her beautiful coffee-hue complexion. He tries to listen to all she’s saying, now beginning to tell him about much of a fan she is. But he’s beginning to distract himself with his thoughts once more.

“Of course this song plays. Very convenient timing, I’d say. I bet Reggie had something to do with this. It’s been so long since I had someone. At this point other people would take anyone. But I could never at my stage in life. That’s why I’m here at almost one in the morning. I wonder why she’s here too, besides being young.”

Ethan breaks away from his mind to refocus back onto Katrina whose finishing up a compliment about his research.

“Katrina, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Dr. Ramsey.”

“First, outside of EdenBrook you may call me, Ethan.”

Katrina runs her hand through her hair before replying

“Are you sure, Dr. Ramsey?”

He rolls his eyes briefly before turning to look at his glass to take another sip of his scotch.

“Yes, rookie. You referring to me as doctor outside of the hospital makes me look a bit pretentious.”

“I think that’s your own doing, Dr. Ramsey.”

He pauses lifting his glass to meet his mouth in midair and turns to glare at her but it falters once he hears the bubbling of laughter escape her plump lips. He goes back to take a swig and places his glass back down gently.

“Sorry. I couldn’t pass that up...Ethan.”

“Now, was that really that difficult?”

“Not exactly, but it’s a bit strange. To be on first name basis with your idol.”

“I’m just a man, rookie. Not a celebrity or some god.”

Katrina turns her face away from Ethan and averts her eyes from his as she whispers

“Maybe, but you sure do have god-like looks.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t make out what you said?”  curious of what she said.

“It’s not important. But you wanted to ask me something?”

“Yes I do. I happen to be thinking of what you asked me earlier in the night and wondered the same.”

“Is that so? Is there a reason why you liked to know?”

Her tone so playful with a hint of flirtation that he couldn’t decipher if he imagined it or not.

Instead of speaking he shrugs his shoulders in response.

Smiling to herself and looking down before meeting his eyes again.

“I’m just like you. No one awaiting my return.”

“Interesting.”

The fading music is more audible as the two stop speaking momentarily

“...I need somebody. Somebody to treat me right, oh. I need your arms. Loving arms to hold me tight. And I, I, I need your, I need your tender lips to hold me.”

A chime from Katrina’s cell phone breaks the silence before either one of them could.

“That’s my Lyft. It’s two minutes away so, I’m going to waiting outside.”

Ethan nods in understanding, she begins to remove herself from her seat, but still slightly tipsy she slips and falls into Ethan’s body who reacts immediately.  He grasps firmly yet gently ahold of her,  keeping her steady. Both freeze from the sudden contact and close parameters they are from the other.

Katrina can see Ethan’s adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat and he thinks to himself while staring at Katrina.

“I suddenly have the urge to gently brush the curls away from her beautiful eyes and...I need to stop this instant. It’s late and I am feeling a bit lonely but I’m beginning to enter a dangerous area. This would lead to an H.R. nightmare. I can’t let myself get tangled with the matters of the heart. Especially with my, ahem, the rookie. God, I need to lay off the sauce for a while.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Katrina removes herself from his arms.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, rookie.”

“Is that going to be a permanent thing? Even outside of work?”

“What?”

“Rookie. I mean you’ve called me by my first name earlier tonight even when I thought you didn’t even know it, much less remember it nor care to.”

“I’ve told you. I’m observant...rookie. Does that answer your question?” He says smirking at her.

Rolling her eyes she moves to make her way to the exit.

“Yes it does. And you deny that you’re favoring me.”

“I’ll let you believe what you want. Even if it’s a silly notion.”

“Whatever you say, Dr. Ramsey” she purrs.

Ethan feels his heart rate increase briefly. Before he can respond, she speaks up.

“My ride should be here now. I’ll see you around Dr. Rams- I mean Ethan.”

She rubs her hand obsessively through her hair before giving him a quick wave as she inches closer to the door.

“For whatever reason my name leaving her lips sounds right. As the same for hers. Katrina. Ka-tri-na. I’d like to say it more than just in my...Okay enough. I must stick with calling her  rookie. That’s what's...what’s safe.

Katrina opens the door which pulls Ethan out and he speaks for the final time

“Have a good night...Katrina. Get home safe.”

She stops at hearing her name being used and turns back around and grins wide at Ethan.

“You too.”  she steps outside and calls back to Ethan.

“Maybe once I’ve graduated from rookie or you tire of it, you can call me Kat. Whichever comes first.”

Without another word or glance she walks out the door.

Ethan is left staring at the spot she was occupying before turning his attention back to his glass. He drains the rest of his drink and retreats into his thoughts.

“So much for playing it safe. Then again, what’s life without a few risks.”

[just-some-random-blogger]

Wheel Of Fortune

EXO Park Chanyeol x Reader + others Characters: EXO Summary:  Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Chanyeol was head over heels for you but he was 100% in denial that you liked Kyungsoo. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK FOOL. RUN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR THAT, jealousy, bottled emotions, fluff ending, etc.

A/N: this was TOO FLUFFY tbh. i wanted to hurt myself but it turned into fluff but oh well

let’s start at the beginning

your parents were introduced by mutual friends and started talking on the phone

okay kidding that’s too far

right

so you worked at SM

and is the maknae of a seven member coed group that debut a year after BigBang and a year before SHINee

(so 2007)

which considering the fact you were younger than Sehun by a couple of months meant you debuted at 10

just roll with it cos ITZ MY VERY SPECIFIC PLOT DMMIT

wheLP

the members were all exactly one year apart and the members from eldest to youngest,, the sequence was a guy (@ 30 yrs old), a girl (29), a guy (28), a girl (27), a guy (26), a guy (25), then you (24).

I KNOW I DONT NEED THIS BUT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINED THIS PLOT IT DMMIT

ok

since you were basically a sunbae at SM even tho u were a smol child you wanted to show your support to your hoobaes

So a day before their debut as a whole group, you, along with the eldest member of your group, who was the leader, visited EXO in the dance studio and gave moral support

You were A BIG FAN and it showed

not that you were hiding it in the first place

your leader was HIGH KEY embarrassed by you, but low key thought it was kinda cute how excited you were for this song

so dUH EXO dances growl for you

anD YOU NEARLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BECAUSE OF HOW PERFECT EVERYTHING WAS

Luhan’s voice

Baekhyun’s attitude

Sehun’s resting bitch face

eeeerrrrrthing

YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING 

literally

and Junmyeon thought you were adOrAbLE

“I think she malfunctioned,” your leader gave a face and pushed you on the shoulder to see if you were still breathing as you let out a silent scream

“CAN YOU GUYS DO IT ONE MORE TIME”

????? 

Jongin was too out of breath to fight you

but lol u know what

they did dance again for you

BECAUSE YALL HAD THE CUTEST LIL FACE AND YOU WERE LIKE 16 SO

after that your band and exo were pretty much in one group 

like hella tight 

you were bsicly conjoined twinss

You could be at an award show and your table would be abandoned because you decided to sit with exo or vice versa

HYPING EACH OTHER WAS NOT EVEN HYPE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE YOU GUYS WERE RABID OR SOMETHING WTF 

!!!!CALM!!!!!DOWN!!!!

like you + your group to them:

“thtAS MY CHILd!”

“DID YOU SEE YIXING AND HIS HIPS FUCK YOU BITCH!”

“HE WAS RUDE. THAT WAS RUDE. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED”

“GET OFF THE STAGE SLUT”

“WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP BITCH!”

“~~~that was sooooooo sOFYT”

“CHEN STFU! YOU NEED TO STOP USING THAT DAMN VOICE OF YOURS JONGDAE. THATS ILLEEEEEGAL!”

“myY HERT!”

“OPPA *cries in korean* PLESS!”

“WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY!!!!!?“

‘iN fRonT oF MY sALaD”

“PA$$ THE H01Y W4T3R”

“NO KAI. BAD KAI. STTOOOOPPPP.”

you @ baekyun

baekyun @ you

thIS IS A CHANYEOL HEADCANON BUT I LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MORON WHO I HATE SO MUCH SOMEONE SAVE HIM FROM HIS IDIOCY

them to you + your group:

“first of all fuck, second FUCK”

“wh-- whT WHAS THAT HIP MOVEMENT. U ARE 4 YRS OLD”

“HE did t h a t.”

“NOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAA ch0k3 me”

“I CANT HEAR YOU OVER U BEING SUCH A HOE”

“i cant beLIEVE THIS STADIUM IS SO QUIET” *ears are actually bleeding*

“NOt TODaY S4T4N”

“I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS”

“how does this have 300M views????? ONLY 300M I--”

“GAAAAAHHHHH WHAT WAS THAT MOVE WHT WAS IT”

“my soul has been touched”

“this is TOOOOOOOO much ma lord”

“DID YOU JUST RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF?“

“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

“ASDFRTYUJM ive been shot”

ya dig

it’s not verbal abuse if they can’t hear you cause of the bass and the fact your on stage performing

but like

you guys did everything together

practiced

ate

shopped

toured

pranked

T O G E T H E R

like who else in SM mattered

SHINee who?

JK YOUWERE A SHAWOL THROUGH AND THROUGH

you reassure Minho everytime unless you wanted to die that day

YOu EVEN FANGIRLED OVER TAEMIN’s MOVE WITH MINSEOK

BUT YOU OBVI you had MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM TO BE AN EXO-L and an elf and a cassie and a so-won and DONT FOrget a vip and a---

you get the point

ANYWAY

as you were close with everyone you had a special bond with every individual

YALL STILL TEXT WITH YA BOY KRIS

yOU WENT ON A SHOW IN CHINA WITH LUHAN

TAO LEAVES PUKE COMMENTS ON YOUR INSTA POSTS

my ot12

and as much as you say you are equally close with everyone

errbody knows that be bull the size of russia

yall caNNOT dENy that you and chanyeol have the same crack powder on your philtrums

LIKE KYUNGSOO CANNOT LIVE WHEN YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER

LET HIM LIVEEEEEE

this moment must never die

ya boy be mindin his own business then

BAM BITCH

you and chanyeol be makin D.O. cray af

rest assured he HAS thought of how he’d kill both of you

ANd that’s why chanyeol loves you

like he decided he liked you the moment you lost your breath laughing when he threw a rubber duck at Kyunggsoo’s head, making it squeak in the most demented way no one thought possible

but he knew he loved you when you helped him lighten up on one of his dark days

you had that kind of effect on people

i mean all you did was sit down with him, both of your backs leaned up against each other’s, head occasionally leaning against the other’s head or shoulder, and played some nothings on the guitar and ukulele

but that was more than enough

you were there with him

and that’s what mattered

But literally the moment he accepted his feelings for you

he began to notice something he felt 100000% dumb for not seeing before

the way you laugh when Kyungsoo says a lame-ass joke

the way you always hug him from behind

you did that with literally everyone you were close with sure, 

but Chanyeol noticed you did it with him more 

and he 3

there was also the way you were just always winding up next to Soo when he was around, like he had some sort of magnet on him

and how you just liked poking his cheeks, begging him to show his dimples

which were really faint like gurl--

chANYEOL HAD DIMPLES TOO

CHANYEOL HAS DIMPLES

why daheq did you like his close to nonexistent ones?????????

????????

okay you liked poking Lay’s dimples more

look at my boy, who i love with burning passion ANDWILL DESTROY SM FOR BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BAND SM SM SM!!!!! CHINA KOREA POLITICS FK ALL YALL

and suho

and chen

anD FINE--

yeah you did poke his too

literally anyone who remotely has dimples tbh

BT WHY KYUNGSOO

ads;ajsd;lasjdkas #jelly

so chanyeol decides to ask someone about it

so he obviously goes to his wisest hyung

but the day he  wants to talk to Suho, YOU WERE ON A DATE WITH HIM

like a date but not a date date he could tell

BUT A DATE NONETHELESS AND HE WAS KINDA JELLY

so he goes to Baekhyun for some fucking reason

and he’s like “omg u like her i couLDnt FUCKING TELL FROM ALL THE HEARTS IN TH AIR”

instant regret

but like Baek did give him some advice

like 5% was advice

the other 99% was him screaming to just be a man and tell her

so chanyeol is like, “STFU.... also she likes kyungsoo so fml”

and for a hot second Baekhyun has nothing to say

BAEKHYUN HAS NOTHING TO SAY

“idek dude. this is why i flirted with her openly”

Chanyeol punched him for saying that

but he decides he’s going to tell you after like 231109 years

cos Jongdae said you don’t like Kyungsoo and that he’s sure of it

Chanyeol asked how he was sure and he was just all like

“she had a crush on Sungmin hyung before and DID NOT act like that at all.”

That made Chanyeol a lot more hopeful

So he just went for it

and asked if you wanted to get lunch

and then after eating, you guys walked back

and he just sort of blurted it out

“Joahaeyo.”

you just looked at him and chuckled, “Thank you. I like you too, Yeolie.”

bitch are you for real rn

before Chanyeol could clarify, your walking slowed, “I’ve known for a while now.”

ok

wait

w h a t

“Minseok oppa told me.”

?????????? uhm HOW DID HE KNOW

Chanyeol’s hands were waterfalls atm, “Why did he tell you?”

Your face starts burning red and chanyeol cant help but think of it as a bad sign

“I told him I liked him...”

“... and he said he can’t reciprocate because he knows you like me, and that he can’t do that to his dongsaeng.”

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah 

cool story bro

you liked someone in EXO that was NOT him

cool cool cool

I GUESS CHEN WAS RIGHT 

THANKS

wait did that mean chanyeol was this obvious

wait did that mean chanyeol ruined your chances with his hyung

wait was this why you cried that one time

WaiT WAS THIS WHY YOU HUNG AROUND KYUNGSOO

BECAUSE WHENEVER MINSEOK WAS IN THE ROOM, YOU WOULD GET KINDA STIFF AT A POINT AND KYUNGSOO MAKE A JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

WASTHIS WHY YOU TWO HUNG OUT MORE

WHY HADN’T HE NOTICED

AND IF EVERYONE ELSE DID

WHY DIDNT THEY TELL HIM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Chanyeol frowned and called out your name, proceeding to apologize

“Wae? why are you sorry? did you tell minseok to say that to me?“

he couldn’t feel mushy and weird at what you said

“YA dont tell me youre going to be weird around me too. It’s bad enough Minseok oppa distanced himself a bit.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but be angry, sad, protective, and annoyed all at once at what you just admitted to him

“I’ll tell him to stop.”

You pouted, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything, chanyeol.”

“yes but you don’t deserve to feel awkward around anyone.”

“yes but that was minseok oppa’s choice.”

“yes but he was only doing that because he’s my hyung and he’s dumb.”

“yes but-- 

OU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT WE ALL JUST BE AWKWARD AROUND EACH OTHER”

and so you walked forward fast and tried to ignore chanyeol

Chanyeol, with his freakishly long legs caught up with you though

he caught your arm

“What tf are you doing?“

“Ew dont talk to me its awkward. im awkward. your awkward.”

Chanyeol laughed. “yaaaaa, why do i like you?

“THAT’S WHAT IM THINKING HO”

[golden-van-fleet]

Your Song

Summary: Gwilym has loved you for a long time and will continue to.

Word Count: ~2.2k

A/N: Hi! I needed to write about Gwilym. I’m not sure about the format? Also on mobile for this one. Enjoy!

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Despite Gwilym being an actor, his fatal flaw was his inability to hide what was on his mind. The entire world knew how he felt about you, except for, well, you. It made his stomach turn, to see you with a man that wasn’t him, holding his hand, kissing his cheek, calling him “babe”. He hoped, wished, and prayed desperately to be that man.

I don’t have much money, but boy if I did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live

He knew you wanted a big house in the countryside. It’d been your dream for as long as either of you could remember. In fact, it was the first thing he bought with his paycheck from Bohemian Rhapsody. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t dream of the two of you living there like Allie and Noah in The Notebook. He didn’t want to buy your love, per se, but if he could afford what you wanted, he wanted to be able to spoil you. For only being your best friend, he treated you a hell of a lot better than that boyfriend of yours ever could. Any of them, really.

And it wasn’t lost on you. You’d lost a couple boyfriends because they felt they couldn’t compete with Gwilym, and they couldn’t. Gwilym was over the top for you and only for you. When he bought the house, you were stunned. He constantly had you over, one of the guest rooms unofficially becoming your room. You’d been by his side before the fame and the fortune, it was only fair in his eyes that you were still there after it.

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one’s for you

Every performance he did as Brian May was with you in mind. Gwilym was willing to go to the ends of the earth to prove that he was worthy of your love, to prove to you that he was the one you needed. He knew, rationally, you never needed a man to be happy or to succeed. He also knew, selfishly, that he was the one for you. This was a man willing to bend over backwards for you at any given moment, knowing you would do the same.

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind,

I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world

The day you met was a day he’d never forget. Your eyes piercing back into his own, a stare that sent a delicious shiver down his spine. It wasn’t a malicious stare, it was one of amusement. You were working at a local coffee shop while finishing your bachelor’s degree around the same time Gwilym began filming one of many up and coming projects. He’d come in with an agenda, a man on a mission, but when his eyes met yours, he babbled like an infant. You were so kind, you didn’t make fun of him, you smiled a little and let him compose himself.

Ever since that day, he made a point to visit you at work, seated at one of the tables in the corner as long as he could be without disturbing you, your coworkers, or the other patrons. You found it sweet, and your heart ached to get to know him.

So you did. He’d been to your apartment more times than the members of your family had over the course of the next year. It was around that year mark Gwilym realized he couldn’t live without you. It was also around the time you’d started your string of terrible boyfriends.

Gwilym couldn’t thank you enough for changing his quality of life. You breathed a life into everything that he’d never been able to find. Life by your side was beautiful. You never let him dwell on the bad, and as hard as it could be to find the good sometimes, he always tried. If not for his sake, then for yours.

I sat on the roof, and kicked off the moss

Well, a few of the verses, well they’ve got me quite cross

He had to tell you. He couldn’t say it to your face, but he couldn’t not say it to your face. He wrote letter after letter, page after page, hoping that something, anything would encapsulate his feelings about you. Late night after late night, he failed to document exactly what he wanted to say. He didn’t want to plan out what he wanted to say, but he needed it to be everything he’d had on his mind for years.

When you showed up at his door during one of those late nights, he told himself as soon as he opened the door he’d tell you. What he didn’t expect was to see you sobbing, throwing yourself at him. He caught you before you could hit the floor, catching a glimpse of you before you buried your face into his shoulder. Your eyes were puffy and swollen with tears, your face red and stained with tear tracks. It absolutely broke his heart.

“He broke up with me,” you whimpered. “Almost two years, I thought I was going to marry this man, and then suddenly I’m not good enough?”

But if only you knew how good enough you were. Gwilym saw the sun rise and set within you. You were the very center of his universe. He couldn’t tell you now, you’d just had your heart broken. He could try, in vain, to tell you how wonderful he found you and about the total joy you brought to his life, but his dark secret would have to wait a little longer.

You climbed out onto the roof outside the guest room window, the full moon hanging bright above your head. There was a gentle, almost imperceptible breeze floating through the summer night. This was your favorite part of the house. It was your hideaway, wrapped around the back of the house with a full view of the river in the background. It felt as though time stood still when you were there. You found yourself lost in the peacefulness of it all until Gwilym squeezed himself through the window frame to sit with you.

“He thought you and I had something going on on the side. I told him that you were my best friend, that you always would be, that without you there is no me. And he was jealous.” You sniffled, the tears of sadness now transformed to tears of resentment. “But maybe he had a reason to be jealous. You’re all I need in my life.”

Gwilym was nothing short of stunned. That was the first time in his life that he was utterly lost for words.

“I- I can’t be your rebound, Y/N. I’ve loved you for far too long to let myself be who builds you up for someone else to tear back down. You mean too much to me for that.” He felt a tear slip down his cheek. His heart was on the line. As much as he wanted to be with you immediately, to hold you in his arms and never let go, he couldn’t. Not right now.

“I’m not saying I want to jump from him to you. But I did a lot of thinking on the drive over here. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve been this support, this rock, and I can’t help but feel I’ve taken it for granted. And for that, I’m so sorry. I know the way you look at me when I’m not looking because I look at you the same way. I always have. And maybe I was too afraid of ruining what we had built up so beautifully. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour, and that’s what we did. We’re still doing it. So if you’ll let me, I’d like to keep building it, I want to know that it’s not going to go away after tonight.”

He forced himself to look at you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. It would never go away. It couldn’t.

But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song

It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

Over the course of the following months, your relationship bloomed into the blossom it was destined to be. The dark cloud that hung over Gwilym’s head had finally given way to the warm rays of the sun, and he embraced them fully. Loving you was diving head first into a pool that had no bottom. There was always a new depth to be reached, and when he thought he’d reached his capacity, there was always more.

You noticed the change, welcomed it, and encouraged it. Gwilym was finally back to the man he was when you first met. The man that you thought you were going to fall in love with. However, you’d hung that up when he brought over one of his girlfriends, unannounced, to your flat the night you were going to tell him how you felt. It crushed you, but you couldn’t tell him that. To know that now, it wouldn’t happen again, he was yours? It was heaven in and of itself.

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

He had to ask you to marry him. He made up his mind before the two of you had even been together six months. It took half a lifetime, or so he thought, to get with you in the first place. Hell, you’d moved in together after two months together, what difference would it make?

He found himself in the same position he was years and years prior, back in that tiny coffee shop. Your eyes were focused intently on his, your smile kind and your hand relaxed in his. Gwilym was in his element, at home, alone, with you. And there, in the comfort of your shared bed, he was going to ask you to be his wife, and he couldn’t choke the words out. All he could do was present you with the ring first.

“Marry me. Please,” he added, softening what sounded like a demand.

“Easily,” you smiled, pulling his face towards yours and locking your lips into a breathless kiss. “I would marry you a million times over.”

He found himself in the same predicament when it came to your vows.

“I’m not usually one to forget what I’m saying before I say it, but you look so beautiful I can’t help myself,” he began, chuckling as he bashfully wiped away a tear. “I had this whole thing planned about how you were the one for me and I knew from the moment I met you, but even to this day you render me speechless. So forgive me if I cut this a bit short, but I’d really love to call you my wife sooner rather than later.”

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

When your daughter was born with your bright, beautiful eyes, Gwilym cried more than he ever thought he would. He was so gentle with her, so gentle with you… You couldn’t love him more if you tried.

Despite having your eyes, your daughter was Gwilym’s clone. She had her father wrapped around her tiny little finger from the first cry she let out the day she was born. Gwilym immediately switched into protective dad mode, refusing to let her go without a fight. Unless she was going to you, of course. But even that took a little convincing.

One night, about three weeks after she was born, Gwilym got up in the middle of the night to tend to her. He took the wailing newborn out of her bassinet in your bedroom to the rocking chair in what would be her nursery.

“Alright, love, it’s okay.” He’d done everything he could think of to soothe her and nothing was working, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake you. He unbuttoned the front of her onesie, placing the newborn over his heart. He’d been told to try skin to skin bonding whenever he could, and by some miracle, it calmed her down.

Gwilym didn’t realize he was humming until he started to sing lyrics to a song he didn’t realize he knew.

I hope you don't mind,

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Your song had had its share of wrong notes and tweaked lyrics. It conveyed a full spectrum of emotions, highlighting the ups and the downs that came with life and love. Your song was unique, and Gwilym was blessed to share it with you.

[beeyeah]

Jikook: Appeal to Logic

Title: Appeal to Logic

Summary: /Jikook/ Two-shot/ Canon/ Where Jimin tries to convince Yoongi why he was positive Jungkook likes him and Yoongi asks him, “What would you do with that information?”

Indeed, Jimin wonders what the point was to all this.

Notes: I wanted to post on Valentine’s but I guess my calendar is ten days late hhhhh Anyway, I lurk a lot in Jikook tags (like I’m here everyday) and I’ve read long discourses regarding the legitimacy of their relationship. I thought it’d be interesting if one of them begins to share his proofs too and joins the hot pot of convo his own way. TLDR; enter this fic lol I promise it won’t be 20 chapters this time. 

Chapter 1 under cut or you can read at Ao3

Chapter 1: Points Were Made

It was an on and off thing.

Like a passion project that you know you just would figure how to complete someday but needed time because life would get in the way.

Today though marked the moment Park Jimin was ready to lay out his cards and tell someone that definitely… maybe… with a little more sprinkle of confidence that --

“Hyung, I think Jungkook likes me.”

There was silence in Min Yoongi’s room when the statement was pronounced. It made Jimin squirm on his seat as he tried to understand the non-committal stare directed at him, right behind the bond paper that held Jimin’s scribbled notes for lyrics.

Ah, that was right.

His initial purpose was to hear Yoongi’s feedback on a thing he'd been working on. Somewhere along the way, his thoughts drifted to another which inevitably led to his bold declaration of Jungkook’s far from familial, alleged infatuation for him.

Yoongi reached out to his left where his mug of coffee sat.

“I don't know what you want me to say. Of course, Jungkook likes you.”

Jimin frowned, wrapping his head around how he should explain himself. “No, hyung. I mean Jungkook likes me.”

Yoongi’s mouth was slightly gaped and his eyes were blank. His hyung looked lost while he attempted to blink his confusion away.

Well, his observations go way way back, two years worth of evidence. Right in the hallway of their home, an evening in October.

“Jungkook treats me differently,” he told Yoongi, legs crossed and under him as he put up a finger and discussed his first point.

It wasn't as if it was only him who questioned it. Jungkook only gave Jimin a birthday present in the span of the past years, no one else and that got to mean something.

They were all tired from shoot that most of them were tempted not to shower. Hoseok was pushing him around and urging him to a quick bath before lying on his bed because that was what Hoseok was. He liked things clean and perfect and that same rule applied for his roommate. But then Jeon Jungkook, his beloved dongsaeng, appeared out of nowhere and blocked him from his merry way to the bathroom. A little awkwardly might he add because he stood there, hand fiddling with his fringes and eyes searching the floor in trepidation. At that point, both Jimin and Hoseok unlatched themselves from each other's grip to attend to the youngest who seemed to need some attention.

To his surprise, and perhaps his hyung’s too, Jungkook held out his hand and shoved Jimin a paper bag. Hoseok curiously peeked from his shoulder as Jimin tried to open it while muttering, “What's this?”

Jungkook answered with a shrug and he waited. He waited there and watched Jimin opened his present.

It wasn't even anything grand. In this stage of their career, they were just beginning to gain traction from their first win and as Namjoon had put it, at breakeven, to finally enjoy the fruits of their hard labor. Knowing how their earnings were distributed based on performance and royalty fees, Jimin was pretty sure Jungkook received the same profit he did. To be honest, it wasn't exactly much. The only difference was that Jimin was prone to lavish it on people while Jungkook would save it for practical and grander things.

The practical, grander things in Jungkook’s head was Jimin. Bought him a sweatshirt which costed around 44,000 krw. Jimin researched the price because he was curious how much the maknae was willing to spend on him.

No greeting cards. Not a high end brand. Just plain white paper bag from the department store where he bought his first gift for a Bangtan member.

Needless to say, Jimin was ecstatic and made sure to rub it on everyone's face.

“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi tried to interrupt him but he shushed the older with an afterthought.

“It wasn't the gift that's strange. Jungkook's face was really weird when I thanked him.”

Jimin knew Jungkook well enough to know when he was happy. Whatever gratefulness he saw on Jimin’s face translated on how satisfied Jungkook was on what he did. There was a sense of pride and innocent glee in Jungkook’s eyes similar to the way they would twinkle when he was offered cheesecake or lamb skewers. It was odd how he was comparing himself to food but Yoongi would probably understand the reference. He would bring Jungkook to lamb skewers so often that the maknae even vowed to stay with him forever if he would agree to become business partners.

That was beside the point.

Back then, Jimin thought he was onto something but the idea didn't linger because it was indeed a special occasion. Jungkook was a good dongsaeng and treated his hyung well even outside their birthdays so, on a second thought, it wasn't really much of an evidence.

The hand that held Jimin’s lyrics now dangled limply over the office chair’s armrest.

“Jimin-ah, just get to the point.”

Jimin pursed his lips. As far as he was concerned, he was straightforward from the get-go. He thought Jungkook likes him and he stated the fact right on, now presenting his evidence.

“Number two,” he said after lifting another finger. Perhaps Yoongi wanted him to speed things up and he should. He certainly didn't have all day with their comeback looming around the corner. “Jungkook thinks I'm beautiful.”

Yoongi’s confusion had more color to it this time. Beyond his blinking eyes that questioned where this conversation was headed, his brows met when he spoke, “Should this really be coming out of your own mouth?”

“It didn't come from me. Jungkook told me,” he replied, voice defensive.

“Jungkook thinks you're cute. But so do I. Might as well tell me that all members like you.”

“No,” Jimin answered, tucking his arm in and across his chest. His eyes narrowed, teeth worrying his lips, trying to recall the exact moment that prompted him to ask the youngest. “Ah, that's right,” he muttered when the epiphany came. He searched his pockets for his phone and scrolled through countless and countless of albums of selcas and videos of him with Bangtan.

It was somewhere in there.

“Hyung… this,” he finally said after almost five minutes of sifting through his files.

Yoongi’s back was facing him after he stopped talking to look for his proof. He really should've prepared it beforehand. Now his hyung seemed to have completely lost his interest. He was typically patient to listen, but Jimin interrupted him when he was in the midst of editing a melody submission.

Though Yoongi said it was fine. Jimin would be his breath of fresh air because the team would so rarely go out during crucial period right before their comeback. He knew better not to push the limit but it was tempting and he needed someone to listen to him.

He pulled the bean bag next to his hyung’s leg, lifted his phone so that Yoongi would be able to see what he was referencing to.

His hair was pink, the clip a mere six- seconder. He was staring at the camera, trying to appeal to ARMY. He needed it. There was this greedy part of him that wanted to know how they would react to his flirting. Tell people, ‘Hey, Jimin is right here and this is how he looks right now. His hair changed.’ That kind of drill right before their comeback and their response would in a way boost his confidence. A conscious tactic to keep his fans interested in him perhaps?

“What do you think?”

Yoongi made a face and pulled back to a cringe as he'd expected. Highly likely, he would've done the same thing if any other member showed him a video of themselves. So he merely nodded in agreement. Bangtan wasn't the audience for this video. ARMY was.

“Do you know how Jungkookie reacted when I showed this to him?”

Yoongi sighed. “Would I want to know?”

“He replayed it, hyung,” he said as a matter-of-factly. “He told me I should post it because our fans would love it. Which I did, if you remember.”

“I don't,” Yoongi admitted and turned his chair so that he was facing Jimin, a leg over the other while he waited for him to continue.

“I posted it on Twitter and do you know who posted afterwards?”

“Jungkook?”

It wasn't a wild guess.

“Yeah,” Jimin confirmed the obvious. “After 10 minutes, he posted something and you know what it said?”

No response.

“He posted a song.”

The title was right on the hashtag #ILYSB by Lany.

When it came to music that wasn't in their own language, Jimin would seldom take efforts to find translation. So long as he understood bits and pieces of what little English he knew, he could work around it. Namjoon said to be careful of listening to artists that might cause uproar by association, so he would still have to check it out if he'd want to share it with the fans. But for as much as he believed that lyricism was a key ingredient to any good music, Jimin preferred to feel rather than completely understand and analyze. That job was for their leader.

However, he decided that he wanted to fathom the youngest’s thoughts that night.

The noob part of him thought the title was some secret internet code popular in the west so he searched naver only to be greeted by a simple yet telling I love you so bad. His mouth formed an ‘oh’ when he realized that it might've been an intense confession. It invariably piqued his curious mind so that later he would be listening on loop to… and you need to know that I'm hella obsessed with your face.

“You're reading into it too much,” Yoongi told him with a shake of his head as he reached again for his coffee. “I'm not one to judge who you want to date, but think how this appears to other people.” Yoongi paused, seemingly debating what he should and shouldn't say next. “Jimin-ah, a lot could happen in ten minutes. Like you, Jungkook might be sending that message to the fans. Namjoon recommends a lot of songs. It wouldn't be about us.”

“I know, so I asked him directly.”

Yoongi almost spat his drink on him. He tapped his chest as he drowned out his cough to reaffirm. “Ya, you what?”

“I asked him if the lyrics were about me.”

“And?”

“He laughed,” Jimin confessed.

Truth be told, his ego was slightly hurt to see Jungkook’s initial response to his question. He was serious about it because he was just about more than a quarter sure about his theory. It didn't feel good to have this kid finding amusement to something he pored over. He could've just said ‘no’ outrightly and Jimin wouldn't have minded.

Jungkook’s laughter died down when he saw Jimin’s expression transform and he was reaching out for his hand in apology before he knew it.

Jimin let him hold him.

“It was…” he almost sounded uncertain. “Hyung, why are you being like this?” Sounded almost helpless and then relenting, “Yeah, it was about you. I was nervous so I laughed.” Instinctively, his free hand reached for his fringes like the night of Jimin’s birthday.

When he saw the younger fidget, Jimin felt relieved. Ah, he still knew Jungkook better than anyone. Mindful to see every little shift in the air, Jimin wasn't wrong in reading the situation.

He ruffled Jungkook's head and returned the wide staring with his own curled eyes in amusement. “I knew it,” mumbled to himself and turned once he got the confirmation that he wanted.

“You just left?” Yoongi asked him, tone surprised that it nudged some bafflement at the back of Jimin’s head.

He bobbed his head yes because, well, what else was he supposed to do? He already proved he was right. Yoongi hadn't even heard the rest of his evidences yet.

“Three,” he said to share what was left in his folder.

“Stop,” Yoongi said, planting a foot on Jimin's thigh to emphasize the urgency of his demand.

Jimin slapped the foot away and dusted off his pants.

“Do you even like Jungkook?”

He tilted his head sideways. “Of course,” Jimin answered simply, wondering why it was even a question in the first place. He liked Jungkook. Jungkook was and still is his favorite dongsaeng and BTS member. He'd take care of him even if he grew his muscles and grew taller than him.

Yoongi shook his head. “I don't think we're talking about the same thing.”

“For the third one… ” Jimin took in the opportunity of minute lag on Yoongi’s response to divert the conversation back to the task at hand. He really didn't understand what Yoongi meant but better to finish this off before his momentum dried and faltered.

He picked up his phone again and browsed through his apps. It was quite a long memory lane down Vapp’s timeline until he found the correct reference. He slid the video right on the important moment, him in his bathrobe with Taehyung’s voice singing in the background. The camera was on with Jungkook in his white shirt’s glory, sitting for all ARMY to see.

“That's right… Jimin-hyung is bad at playing games,” Jungkook said to echo his claim.

Back then, the staff berated them silently to turn off vapp. Jungkook was too loud. Jimin wasn't kidding when he said he was hearing him across the hallway. They were only given five hours to eat, take a bath, and nap before they reconvene for post-con review and plan out the adjustments in their set list but this kid chose to do an hour of live for the fans.

Jimin was out his room because Sungdeuk wanted to talk to Hoseok. They needed to work on spacing for Not Today. Their hyung thought they didn't maximize the stage well enough and he was also keen to give feedback on blockings for medley so they could properly execute group choreography for Bultaoreune.

Hoseok was too tired to get up his bed so he texted Jimin if he could get the notes in his place. Which Jimin was happy to do. He loved the fact that Hoseok trusted him and it gave him a sense of pride.

He and Sungdeuk were just about done talking when the older guy stopped him from his tracks by grabbing his arm.

“Can you tell Jungkook to tone it down a little? I heard he opened vapp but everyone's tired.”

Jimin honestly didn't want to deal with it. He was wearing his bathrobe without any make-up and only rushed out in the middle of his evening skin care routine because he wanted to be a useful dongsaeng to Hosoek and let him have an early rest. If he so much as spoke, audible for fans to hear, people were going to ask and he'd have to show himself on camera. Jeon Jungkook, really this kid should know when to stop.

“You know Jungkook listens to you well.”

Jimin jutted out his lower lip, “He doesn't.”

He could already imagine the maknae turning the volume up further for the sake of raising his hackles. Sungdeuk knew this but he was asking Jimin to do it because he knew Jimin couldn't say no when it came to Jungkook.

“Alright, alright,” he said, bobbing his head weakly and dragging his feet towards Jungkook’s room.

Across the end of the floor, he saw Taehyung towing right behind their leader who whispered him something. It made his friend glance at his direction and the next thing he knew, Namjoon was off his room and Taehyung was walking the opposite direction.

Taehyung got hold up by Sungdeuk who was midway his own room and right then, Jimin pressed on Jungkook’s room’s bell and twisted the knob open.

“I heard you from the neighboring room. Let me sleep,” he said, trying to keep his tone annoyed and nagging even when Jungkook was beaming at him so widely. “Stop singing in the middle of the night. Go to sleep.”

“You're losing me here, Jimin-ah. This is just you trying to discipline Jungkook. I would've scolded him the same.”

“Hyung,” Jimin replied sternly, eyes determined and a hand squeezing Yoongi’s thigh. “Did you watch it? Jungkook wanted my attention.”

Yoongi leaned back on his chair, challenging.

“Well, it wasn't even about that.”

His proof went beyond Jungkook's childish yet so endearing attempts to make Jimin come back and join his live. He slid the video right back to the moment and handed his phone in Yoongi’s hand.

When he crashed Jungkook's live that evening, Jimin had every intention to make an impression. After how people disregarded his precious, scant hours of work reprieve, he believed he deserved the screen time. It was tempting to test the waters to say the least. Not just with Jungkook. He wasn't dumb, well aware of his effect when he tried to appeal to someone.

“I don't know why you go to those lengths. They like you already,” Yoongi interrupted him mid-explanation, referencing to their fans. “What's more to prove?”

Jimin wondered to himself why but decided against it. “That's not the point, hyung,” he offered, not wanting to divert from the case at hand. They could ramble on about his insecurities later.

After confiscating the speaker that agitated Namjoon down to coordi noona who just finished fixing damaged buttons of their Blood, Sweat and Tears stage costumes, he went back in Jungkook’s room to greet their fans. A hand comb through his blond hair, cute sounds, zoom the bare face closer to the camera when he knew he just applied mask so he'd look good.

More important than that though was to stare at someone far longer than what was necessary that he’d be conscious to repay the attention. So he did what he knew would work, lure Jungkook's eyes to him and whisper. Mumble because that required someone to pay better heed and read his lips.

“That's not right, I was good at playing games a year ago.”

Then Jungkook would nod absentmindedly and whip his head towards his direction as Taehyung sang Chandelier in the background. Jimin wouldn't say it was the perfect song for the moment but it was good to have a song. Cause Jimin was aware they were recorded. He could go back to this, a song would help with epiphany and drama.

“What do you think?” he asked Yoongi who was squinting at his phone. Doubtful but probably a lot more convinced than he was five minutes ago. “I can be convincing if I want to.” He extended an arm to retrieve his phone.

He fell forward when his hyung suddenly pulled back to keep the small device out of reach. “I don't know if you're being serious about this.”

Jimin titled his head. “I am,” he said. “I am serious. Jungkook really likes me.”

He wasn't unreasonable. The kid had a habit of staring when someone would talk. He observed these things, sometimes obsessively, because it helped him understand the maknae better. So he knew why Jungkook would do it. He found it difficult to focus and physically directing his attention to someone would help him catch what they were trying to say better. It wouldn't be a deal then if Jimin was talking.

But when it was Namjoon who was put on spot to answer an English interview, their leader who still strove to speak a foreign language to represent the group, Jimin quite expected for Jungkook to listen… ogle.

“The korean teacher asked me a question, ‘What are the hardships of being a leader?’”

It wasn’t the first time Jungkook was caught. There was one at a fansign, then at the backstage of a music show, also during that one gayo episode and probably instances he wasn’t aware or the others he couldn’t remember. If Jimin wasn’t so busy overthinking things, he would have found it funny how Jungkook would play it cool and avert his gaze elsewhere. 

“There are hardships when we take positions, specifically being a leader...”

Namjoon continued his answer in the background while Jimin thought to himself what actually goes through the maknae’s head when he would look at him. Was the need so compelling that he’d do it or was Jimin really just that. Beautiful?

“Ya, do you hear yourself?”

Jimin giggled, his head falling back to comfortably rest on the loveseat. It was funny to call himself beautiful. Even he wouldn’t be that shameless.

The point still stands though. Jungkook would stare at him, and he would call him beautiful.

“It has to mean something right?”

He wanted to confirm the motivations behind the not-so-subtle attention. However, he didn’t want to do a repeat of the last time when he confronted Jungkook about the song. It made the air between them strained and the youngest would agonize in his presence. Jimin thought he was being shy so he’d hold back.

But then what about his own curiosity?

“You’re curious, that’s it,” Yoongi said plainly. “What would you do with that information?”

Jimin pursed his lips as he thought about it. 

Good point. Where was he leading with all these? He didn’t think that far enough. He wasn’t even done with his final proof.

“What do you think, hyung? What should I do about it?”

...To be continued

[tickle-me-stoked]

Sanders Sides - Happy Birthday, Roman

A/N: WHOOT what better way to start out on tumblr than with a bad fan fiction that’s probably my best, sad as it is. This is about Romans birthday, which was today, my sweet baby boi. Anyways, please enjoy if you can, I tried.

Word count: 2497

Summary: Roman feels alone on his big day; ‘cognitive distorntions’, or no. (wow I’m awful at summaries I’m so sorry)

Warnings: self-deprication, cognitive distortions, sadness, bad English and writing skillz.

If ive forgotten ANYTHING please lemme know!

I’ll definitely add a taglist if anyone wants to be in it! I love everyone, all of you are beautiful.

AAAHHHHH IM TERRIFIED PLS DONT KILL ME

——

Roman wiped his eye. Yes, he was crying. He could admit to that. But wouldn't you? He'd gone all day, sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for whatever he had hoped the other sides had in store for him. He waited all day for anything, whether it be a celebration, a present, or something as simple as a hug.

He didn't. Nothing happened today. From the moment the clock struck midnight last night, to now, where midnight was right around the corner, he waited. He was silent about it. He hadn't wanted to speak up or ask in fear of ruining something. Maybe it was surprise, so if he asked about it, surely Patton would break or something else would give it away. He didn't want to take that risk. But now, he sees that maybe...

Maybe he had nothing to loose.

It was his birthday. And here he was; sitting alone, crying, lost in his thoughts of whether or not he was truly loved, whether he actually meant something.

He wiped his eyes again. Teeth clenched, he went and pulled on his hair. He couldn't sob. Crying... crying was fine... right? But a sob would disturb the others. He wouldn't mind if someone, preferably Patton, came down and found him. If it was out of pity... he'd take it. At least with pity, they still cared enough to acknowledge him. Whereas silence just said that they didn't care. At all.

A happy birthday. He'd gotten words, a simple 'happy birthday' from the other three sides. But after that, it was as if nothing was different. Was a birthday not a celebration? Was a birthday not important? Had this day not happened, Roman wouldn't be here. Everything would be different.

But instead, everything is exactly the same. Nothing changed. The only difference is the love he feels. The love that is slipping away, as if it was never there to begin with. He loved his friends, loved them, but they obviously didn't feel the same. Clearly, he didn't mean as much to them as they did to him.

But that was okay.... Or it should be. It is, but it hurts too much to feel right. He'll still take care of his friends, he'll always be there for him. But they won't be there for him. Is that fair? Is that right?

Roman ran his hands over his face. His hands came back drenched in tears. He stared at the water as it ran down his palms.

What now? Does he just act as if this never happened? Should he say something about all this? He wouldn't want to be a disturbance... but...

Who was he kidding? That's the exact reason they don't like him, isn't it? He can't just go ahead and make things worse. Then he'd truly be outcasted.

Whatever. If they don't care that-that's fine. He'll get over it. He has to.

Roman sniffed once, then rose to his feet. He hesitated, wondering if he had the strength to walk the stairs, then pushed forward anyways, knowing his bed was up there.

Before he could make it passed the coffee table, he heard his name.

“Roman!” He looked up and found Patton barreling down the stairs. He slammed into him, wrapping him up in a hug which, surprisingly, took Roman off the ground. “Oh, sweetheart!” Patton placed him down and backed up to look him in the eyes. “Oh, were you crying? What’s the matter, Ro? What’s wrong?” Roman quickly threw his arm up to wipe away the tears. Now that the moment struck, he was twice as sure he shouldn’t lay his problems out. But having Patton here, staring at him with those big, worry-filled eyes, it practically pulled the words out of him.

“I-I’m sorry, Patton. I didn’t want to be a burden, um-“

“No!” Patton yelled. Roman stared in shock. He’d barely gotten to say anything, now Patton was what, mad? Roman figures he’d have every right to be upset, but he hadn’t even said anything yet. “I will not have you insult yourself like that.” Hold on. What? Patton was mad because... Roman thought of himself as a burden. That was very Patton-like, but that was the reaction he often gave to Virgil. He never seemed so upset when he’d said it before. Now, he was practically fuming. The rage in his eyes — what was going on? “This is your day, dedicated completely and entirely to you! On this day is the day where you, Roman, our faithful prince and trustworthy hero, are the world. You’re the center if the universe today, Roman. Everyday actually, but especially today! You have no right to say that about yourself.” Roman couldn’t believe it.

He was crying again. Why was he crying? Because Patton hated him? No. Because Patton was mad at him? Yes. But the reason behind Patton’s anger was that he loved him. Patton was upset that Roman had thought so little of himself. Why should he feel that way? All of the amazing people in his life, people who hardly had the potential to hate to begin with. They loved him. Patton proved it.

Or at least... Patton loved him. The others, Logan and Virgil, did they? Or were they gonna yell at him later. Were they going to yell at him for crying about his birthday? Were they going to yell at him because he’d upset Patton.

Oh no, he upset Patton. What had he done? This was exactly why they shouldn’t care. He hurt their beloved Patton. Nothing can make up for that.

Except for this. A hug. Patton pulled him into another hug. He held him tight, but comfortably so. Slowly, Roman let himself fall into the security of Patton’s embrace. He rested his head on his shoulder and held on tight right back.

“Everything and anything you feel is valid. Never assume we won’t want to help you in any way we can. It’s the least we can do for everything you’ve done for us.” Romans eyes shot open, his muscles tensing. He threw himself back from Patton’s and stared into his eyes, searching for any signs of lies or miscommunication.

“What could I have possibly done?” He wonders in awe. Patton smiled softly. He slowly reinitiates the hug, holding gently to Romans frame.

“For one, you’re a great hugger.” He mumbled. Roman couldn’t help the scoff that escaped his lips as he returned the gesture contently. “But you always had this spark.” A spark? “Whenever you’re passion shines through, which is a lot more than you would think,” he said with a laugh. “It makes us smile. We can see how happy you truly are, the genuine emotion in your eyes as you speak. It makes us so happy!” Roman moves his eyes downward and smiled. Did they all think that? Did they actually think that his passion was endearing? “You always make sure we’ve got a smile in our face. Whenever one of us feels down, you work your absolute hardest to turn that frown upside down. And it always works!” Thinking about it, he doesn’t recall a moment where it had failed. Everyone has their bad days, but he was always able to get a smile from them, even at their worst. “You’re silly, rambunctious, energetic, and pure sunshine.” Roman, although his smile didn’t dissipate, sighed sadly.

“You’re talking about yourself, Pat...” Patton softly shook his head, his body swaying along.

“I don’t think I am. Ro, you wear the brightest of smiles, you have the strongest of hearts, (have I mentioned great hugs?) and the most love to give. Without you, Roman...” Roman could feel the smile drop from Patton’s lips, causing his own to fall. “I don’t know where we’d be...” Roman backed up. He looked calmly at Patton. He took note of every detail on his face. Physical, and the meaning behind them. How his small smile lit up his hoping eyes. How his cheeks had little dimples and a flooring of freckles beneath the pink tint of his precious face.

“Patton...” What can he say? Everything that Patton said hit him hard. He hadn’t believed any of that in what felt like years. Patton’s choice of words couldn’t have been more perfect. No set of words coming from any other mouth could’ve made him feel more alive than his beautiful Patton’s. Birthday forgotten, Roman spoke what the only words he was able to think of. “Thank you.” Patton’s little giggle warmed his heart.

“You don't need to thank me, Roman. Everyone knows the kind of star you are. And you are the brightest one in the sky.” Roman raised an eyebrow. Brightest in the sky?

“Are you sure you’re not talking about the moon?” Patton laughed wholeheartedly, earning his own from Roman. He returned into the hug, for yet another short moment.

“If that makes you feel better, then yes.”

“Anything from you is perfect, my dearest Patton.” Patton giggled again.

“There’s another one. All the cleverly thought out nicknames you give us.”

“Oh, come on, that one could’ve been better. It’d help if I wasn’t so tongue-tied thanks to you.”

“Are you complaining?”

“In a way, I suppose.“ Patton poked his pouted lip and the two shared a laugh again.

“Anyway, we should get to bed, huh?” Roman frowned slightly. After all this, finally beginning to feel better, they had to part.

“I uh,” However, he knew what Patton had said. And of course, he trusted him completely, but a small part of his mind warned him to not overstep his boundaries, in case he did become too much. “I guess. Yeah.” Patton could sense the unease in his voice. The little smile said it all. He took Romans hand and lead him calmly up the stairs.

Although, Roman raised an eyebrow as Patton reached for his door. Why was he going into his room? Why not his own? Does he want to tuck him in or something fatherly like that?

The moment Patton walked into the door, Roman right behind him, the lights flicked on.

Inside the room was the most miraculous sight his eyes had ever seen.

Balloons littered the floor and the ceiling. There were streamers perfectly parted at the ceiling light and attaching back by the walls. The light itself was tinted. Not a specific colour, but with glitter, making the room seem to sparkle. A large cake sat with candles — many candles — on top. The cake itself was huge. It was like a wedding cake, but for a birthday. Around it was an array of different beverages and candies. Of course, there was a palate of veggies too, seeing as how no one could resist those. Then there were the two large speakers on either side of his bed, tall enough to match the height of his bed posts. But the best part was Logan and Virgil.

The two of them had party hats on their heads. They stood in the center of the room, underneath a banner that was hand-painted to say ‘Happy Birthday, Roman’. He could tell by the print who wrote what and who drew what. Logan and Virgil both had genuine smiles on their faces after they had shouted ‘surprise’.

There was a surprise party. He hadn’t ruined anything? All this time, he thought he’d messed everything up, destroyed everything he thought he had. And why? Because he hadn’t gotten a party? These foolish, stupid ideas had invaded his mind so much that he couldn’t see the love in his friends eyes.

But these boys, these three beautiful men, had done the most wonderful thing and thrown him an entire surprise party. He could see the piling up if presents behind the left brained sides.

He hadn’t noticed his tears until he felt his legs give way. Patton had barely managed to catch him, but did as they settled softly on the ground. He blinked the tears down his cheeks and saw the other two racing over.

“Roman!” They cried. All of them had their hands on him, for reassurance and support and comfort. He wanted to hug them all, but his arms weren’t long enough. He settled on stealing himself and went to wipe his eyes, soaking his hands once again.

“Sorry! Sorry!” He spilled out with a small laugh. He sniffled, and smiled at the others.

“Ro, are you okay?” Virgil asked in a semi-panic. Roman nodded his head calmly and wiped some more tears.

“I’m great, Virge. It’s all thanks to you.” Virgil took a double take. Logan as well.

“So these were... ‘tears of joy’?” He wondered. He seemed almost afraid of assuming incorrectly. But Roman simply nodded again.

“Yes, I’m sorry for being such a mess, especially so consistently around you, Patton.” This time, Patton let him speak. Earlier he had stopped the bout of self-deprication and filled the blanks with compliments. He must’ve known that now it would lead into the source of the problems. “I guess I just got lost in the idea that... that it was selfish to want a birthday and that that was a reason toward why you’d hate me.” At the silence of the others, he conintued. “I know, it was stupid, but it all just made me realize how lucky I truly am. What was selfish was thinking so illy of you three... and I’m sorry for that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Patton assured.

“It is completely understandable that lack of attention on such a special and momentous occasion would draw unpleasant thought processes to oneself. For that, we owe you an apology.”

“Yeah, we’re really sorry,” Virgil agreed. He and Logan had their heads ducked, looking guilty and depressed. “It was kind of our fault, to be honest. Lo and I just wanted things to be.. a little too perfect and... took longer than necessary.”

“Don’t bring yourselves down because of me.” Roman backfired. Honestly, with all the blaming, Roman found himself with an urge to laugh. “Because it was a surprise, I can see the kind of stress that would promote. That can be a lot resting on your shoulders. If anything, you two would be the most suitable for perfection.” This time he did laugh, mainly in hopes that they wouldn’t take offense, seeing as that was not his goal. They shared a glance at one another, and both shrugged, feeling awkward, yet knowing it was the truth. “But this... this is perfect. Thank you.” He pulled Patton into his left and Logan into his right, then dropped his head to rest against Virgil’s, whose hands held the formers mentioned.

“Don’t get tears on my pants, Princey.” The four laughed. Roman could barely recall any of the invasive thoughts he’d been having before. Just being in the mere presence of the ones he loves so much takes the pain away.

[sheerios-and-milk-blog1]

This Love is Ours// Sweeran

Date: June 19 2017  Rating: PG Summary: Ed and Taylor spend some time relaxing at Ed’s house and watching The Secret Life of Pets with his cat.

Ed: Ed went into the bathroom and shower before going into his room completely naked and looks over at her where she was in his bed, "You look cozy" he says as he walks to the closet to grab his boxers and sweatpants.He puts the pants on and walked over to his side and Laid down, he pets the little cat next to them and he lays close to her, "You look way better in that shirt than i do"

Taylor: Taylor propped herself up as Ed walked in the room, staring a bit at his freshly showered body. She gave him a soft smile, turning on her back and stretching out on his bed. "I am cozy. Your bed is nice, the shirt is warm and Graham is keeping me company." She told him, giving Graham another scratch on the head. She giggled, shrugging her shoulders a bit. "You'd think I'd look nice in a trash bag if I wore it." She joked.

Ed: He scoots close to her and lifts graham up, "Quit stealing my woman, G" he says to the cat and places him to the side then wraps his arm around her, "I like having you in my bed. Its been weird not having you next to me after that trip" he tells her honestly

Taylor: She let out a laugh as Ed accused Graham for stealing her. She instantly complied when Ed pulled her close, loving the feeling of having him close. "I like having you next to me as much as possible." She told him, showing him a shy smile.

Ed: "You can have me close to you whenever you want" he tells her and snuggles close. He lays there with her for a moment before he quickly turns over and reaches into the side table pulling out a jewelry box that had a white gold pair of earrings with a sapphires that were blue like the ocean. "This is for you" Ed says and smiles

Taylor: "Good to know." She said, nuzzling close to him. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling completely safe and secure with him by her side. She opened her eyes as Ed moved, giving her a box. She looked at him confused and opened it to reveal gorgeous earrings. "Ed!! These are beautiful." She told him, admiring their blue and gold contrast. "Thank you." She said leaning over to give him a sweet kiss.

Ed: He laughs at her happy reaction, thrilled that she liked them, "Youre welcome" he says and kisses her lips sweetly. He knew ahe didnt know what the gift was for and he thought today was a good time to tell her. "Im sure you dont know but today is a special day" he says

Taylor: Taylor looked at Ed, another look of confusion on her face. She tried to remember if there was anything that was really a milestone in their past friendship that she should've remembered, but she couldn't really think of anything. "Okay, I'm stuck. Why is it special?" She asked, wondering what could've possibly happened that she deserved this beautiful gift.

Ed: Ed sits up in his spot and looks at her with a smile, "On this day, 4 years ago is when I first thought 'wow, I love this girl'" he says and laugjs, "We were were at your house, watching Titanic during a break from tour and you were reciting all the lines and acting out all the parts and I knew that you were it" he explains. "Who would have thought that we would end up here"

Taylor: Taylor listened to Ed's explanation, her heart skipping a beat or two at the confession. She placed her hand on her heart, looking at him with adoration. "Ed..." She said, remembering exactly the day he spoke of. She crawled over to him, wrapping her limbs around him so she was sitting in his lap. "I'm glad that we are here. I'm so happy with you." She told him, kissing his lips again.

Ed: He wraps his arms around her and places a loving kiss on her neck, "I am too. Ive really never been this happy before, youre more than I ever thought was possible"!" He says. He had expected a romance between would be good but he had no idea how good it could be, she was like his missing piece, she made him feel strong and confident and like they could do anything if they were together

Taylor: She felt completely loved and safe in Ed's arms, never wanting that feeling to end. "I hope I make you happy as much as you make me happy. And that's a lot." She told him, smiling sweetly. Taylor and Ed's friendship advancing into a romance was one of the best experiences she's ever had. She knew they were still in their 'honeymoon stage', but she truly couldn't see herself getting tired of having Ed around.

Ed: He nods eagerly, "You do, you really do babe" he says and smiles. The puppy love stage was in full effect for them at this time, they were hot for each other and always wanted to be together but Ed had a feeling that even when thatbwore off that they would still be connected and happy because they had already meshed so well as friends, they were completely comfortable together and knew all there was to know.

Taylor: Taylor hugged him tightly, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt so comfortable with Ed, knowing that she could tell him anything and he would never judge her. That's always something she was nervous about in relationships was that she would have to constantly impress them and turn into someone she wasn't just to please her significant other. She had none of those vibes from Ed, which made her feel completely relaxed. There was no stress, it was all just adoration and respect for the other. "I love you, like a whole lot." She told him, peppering kisses on his neck.

Ed: Ed trusted Taylor and knew she would never judge him or his actions but there were still things he didnt show to her, he didnt want to show her how bad his drinking could be, he had that control and he didnt talk to her about his anxiety and sudden implive behavior because he didnt want her to worry or see him as weak but he thought that at least for now he had it under control. He looked at the girl in his arms and knew that she did adore him and want him and he never wanted that to change, "Hearing that always makes me smile like an idiot, I never thought Id see the day that youd say that to me"

Taylor: Taylor was so open with Ed that there were very few things he didn't know about her. She was sure that they would eventually come up, but she didn't see them as that important at the moment. She smiled widely, feeling proud of herself that she could make her boyfriend smile the way he was in that moment. "I'll say it as many times as you want me too."

Ed: He laughs a bit, "Just one more time" he requests and gives her a squeeze. He loved having her so close to him and sharing a bed with her. "What do you want to do with he rest of the night?" He asks

Taylor: She smiled sweetly, leaning in to give him a long, meaningful kiss. "I love you." She mumbled against his lips. She leaned back a little, taking a moment to think. "Depends on what you have to offer."

Ed: The kiss was sweet and soft but full of passion and love from both of them, he felt so lucky. "Well you did exhast me so I was thinking movies and junk food.. You know, the ed and taylor usual" he says, laughing. "But now we get to do that in bed and half naked" he adds with a laugh

Taylor: Taylor smiled, feeling guilty as charged, but not having any shame in it. "That sounds perfect." She told him, chuckling a bit at this comment. "Very true. There's more comfort that way." She smiled, getting off of Ed's lap to properly lay on the bed.

Ed: He reaches across the bed to grab the remotes, "Go get any snacks and drinks you deem needed, Ill get a movie set up" he says. They had done this routine many times before so it was almost like a tradition for nights in with them.

Taylor: Taylor nodded, getting up from the bed and scurried down the stairs. When she reached Ed's kitchen, she raided his pantry looking for all his different snacks. She grabbed some chips and cookies before going to the refrigerator to grab two waters. She made her way back up the stairs, making sure not to spill anything and walked back into Ed's room to deliver the food. She dropped the goodies on the bed and handed Ed his glass of water. "The land's finest water, sir." She playfully joked before setting her glass on the bedside table and getting into the bed. "What'd you pick?"

Ed: Ed takes the water from her and laughs at her joke, "Thank you, kind lady. It is much appreciated" he was laying on his back, head propped up with the pillows with Graham laying on his stomach. He looked back to the tv screen and shrugs, "Im not sure what to picl, what are you in the mood for?" He asks

Taylor: Taylor got comfortable under the covers, feeling warm and cozy in Ed's bed. "As long as it's not a scary movie, I can watch anything." She told him honestly, opening up the cookies and already taking a few in her hands.

Ed: He nods at her words and settles back, letting her join the cuddling with him and the cats. "Graham said he wanted to watch Life of Pets" he says. Ed loved animated movies, part of his kid at heart thing. He selects the movie and dimmed the bedroom lights. Happy to have such a relaxed night in with her, it was all very domestic.

Taylor: Taylor scooted closer to Ed, wanting to be close to him without disrupting Graham. She smiled at the movie choice, having seen the movie before. It was a nice feeling to be so domestic with him, just the two of them and his cat watching a movie and eating snacks.

Ed: The movie began and Ed smiled, he liked these kind of nights, Ed didnt really like being surrounded by people, it was exhausting and thus demanding drinking and what he considered to be an alter ego almost just to handle and not freak at times but this, just him and the person he knew better than anyone and the calm, this was what he lived for, the calm between the storms. He picked at the snacks while his fingers ran through her hair absent mindedly

Taylor: After a long day, relaxing in bed and watching a movie was always the way that Taylor would unwind and just relax. Having Ed with her though made it feel so much more comfortable. She watched the movie, completely melting when Ed started to play with her hair. "Mm, I love when people play with my hair." She hummed happily, her eyes closing for a second nuzzling into Ed's hand.

Ed: He couldnt help but chuckle a little and smile, thinking she was absolutely adorable. He kept playing with her hair and paid attention to the movie, he had seen it before but it always made him laugh. he lays back and stretches out, hos muscles flexing and the blanket falling from his half naked body as he did

Taylor: Taylor moved closer to Ed, placing her head on his chest without getting in his way as they continued to watch the movie. She took a moment to think about how lucky she was that Ed was interested in her. There were millions of people that he could've chosen but he wanted her and treated her basically like a princess. She was sad that he had to leave for tour soon but knew that he couldn't let all those people down just for her. So she enjoyed the time spent with him, giving her attention to him as much as she could before he had to leave.

Ed: Leaving for tour the following week would suck, the relationship had just started and they already had to be apart and it was sad, he would miss her a lot but knew that they would be texting and calling as much as they could. He leans over, putting his hand under her chin and bringing her gaze up before he places a soft kiss to her lips, not wanting to waste a second with her

Taylor: It was bittersweet that Ed had to tour the country soon, Taylor knew all about that feeling. But she knew that in the long run, it was all worth it. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Ed pulled her lips to his in a delicate kiss. She kissed him back, it almost being a reflex with how much they had done it. She loved kissing him because each time it sent butterflies to her stomach.

Ed: Ed had spent years thinking he would never get a chance to Kiss her like this and now that he was able to he just couldn't keep himself from doing it all the time. He kept the kiss going, his hand on her bare leg, wanted her close to him and never wanting her away from him

Taylor: There was so much love and coziness evry time the couple kissed. It was so new, but Taylor felt no shame nor awkwardness between them. They still acted silly when they were together, but now there was an added flare of being completely smitten with each other. She kept kissing him, her hand going to rest on his neck to keep him close. The kiss was soft but so special, her focus drawn to him.

Ed: He always made it a point to kiss Taylor in a way that shows that he is hers and that she was all he wanted, he didnt want her to have any doubt in his mind that he was different then the others had been, he would do anything for her. Ed turns more toward her and this causes Graham to jump up off of him and Ed pulls back, laughing, "Guess Graham didnt wanna be the third wheel any longer" he says, his lips cenitmenters from hers

Taylor: Taylor wanted Ed to know how much she cared about him with everything she did. She wanted him to feel the same love that she received from him. As they continued kissing, Taylor felt her head spin a bit as she let herself melt into it. She laughed along with Ed, hearing Graham jump off the bed. "Can you blame him? We're such a touchy couple." She smiled.

Ed: Ed laughs, "We are but can you blame us, I mean I missed out on a lot of time where we could have been doing this" he says and shrugs, "I think hes a little too dramatic"

Taylor: Taylor shook her head, "We both missed out, so Graham will get over it." She smiled, entangling her legs with Ed's. Their faces were only an inch or two apart, Taylor taking the time to admire Ed's features before kissing him again.

Ed: He looked into her eyes for a moment and felt himself fall in love all over again, hearing her words about her feeling ahe missed out on being with him for longer made his heart swell and he accepted the kiss, deepening it before he pulls back, playfully biting her lip then putting his forehead to hers, "Im so glad youre here with me"

Taylor: She felt that warm fuzzy feeling that people talked about whenever Ed was with her. She would always wonder what they could've been if they didn't meet when they were both in relationship before and now that she was living in the midst of it, she was overjoyed. She grinned at Ed after he bit her lip, looking at him fondly. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Ed: He didnt like thinking about all they missed out on and how they almost missed out on each other, he was just happy that he had her now. He smiles at her words, "Me either" he says and looks back at her adoringly, "I am so in love with you, Taylor"

Taylor: Taylor was appreciative of the past but she was living for the present because it was everything she could've wanted. A joyful tingle went through her body at Ed's words, a glowing smile appearing on her face. "I'm in love with you too." She told him, meaning every single word.

Ed: He smiles sweetly and kisses her again before cuddling close and taking her back in his arms. "This is the best way to spend the end of the night"

Taylor: She smiled, taking one of his hands into hers and kissing his nose quickly. "I agree."