#but if thats the case why am i so difficult to interact with and be around

[mythalism]

there is a bit of a discourse on twitter about whether Mythal was a slave owner. What is your take on this? I’ve seen arguments that her vallaslin was a mark of honour and she “protected her people”. But also if that was the case, why would Solas remove his marks and propose to do the same to Lavellan?

I wonder if that’s another evidence of her character being sanitised in DAV compared to lore, revealed in DAI

it has genuinely never occurred to me that mythal would not be a slave owner. we know the evanuris practiced slavery. we know the only one who did not was fen'harel, as a result there is no fen'harel vallaslin. there is however a mythal vallaslin both presently and anciently, worn by felassan, abelas, and all of the temple sentinels at the least, and by solas himself once if you assume that is the meaning of cole's comment about him burning her off his face, which i do make that assumption. solas says mythal "was the best" of the evanuris, but that is an extremely low bar. we also now know that she was a driving force behind the war with the titans and their tranquilization and the destruction of the dwarven empire, and she admits to using solas as a weapon of war. i am not sure why any of these things would lead anyone to believe that she is morally above enslaving people. we have literally met the people she enslaved. whether or not they were "devoted" or "willing" (ew) is irrelevant in the context of her power as an evanuris.

i think perhaps dragon age was gearing up pre-veilguard to explore the vallaslin much more in depth however it ended up erasing it completely so we will never know. its possible that vallaslin had multiple meanings, and did not always denote enslavement but could denote enslavement depending on the circumstances. my own understanding pre-vg was that the vallaslin probably interacted with other factors, such as class/wealth, power, and personal favoritism, to varying degrees of personal and political agency so that not every person with mythal's vallaslin would have the same exact experience. solas's experience clearly was unique and we see that in the way that their relationship is presented in his murals, and how they continue to have a relationship even after he has removed his own (assuming thats the timeline and not that they just completely retconned him having vallaslin in the first place lol). but just because solas sees mythal in a forgiving light (sometimes, he goes back and forth, which does make sense considering his complex feelings about her) does not mean mythal was, objectively, that way. its pretty heavily implied that he had major rose colored glasses on for her, and its likely he only saw a certain side of her. we can probably assume that elgar'nan saw a very different one. we have a lot of different perceptions of her from different sources, and different literal fragments of her personality. we also know she changed quite drastically overtime and was corrupted from benevolence into retribution. it is difficult to say with certainty what she was like because the game does not tell us.

however enslavement is enslavement and i think we should be frank about it even if veilguard isnt interested in touching on it. "but she was a good slave-owner!" is a dangerous sentiment reflective of real life, anti-abolition arguments during the american civil war that revisionist racists and white supremacists still use today and i think people should take great care not to espouse the same, even in the context of a fantasy world.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

i wonder if only certain people are deserving of love in this world

[life-winners-liveblog]

(( Hihi it’s me, the person who gave the “nicest threat” returns, just wanna say rq that everytime i come back to tumblr, this is one of the first things I check and EVERYTIME I DO, I KEEP GETTING JUMPSCARED BY MUCH HAPPENED SINCE I LEFT- Anyways You are amaaaaazing yes ik i already said that but that’s bc it’s true <3

Anyways I’ll actually interact with the winners for once ))

-[ Heeeellloo hello hello! Social anxiety is consuming me once again but nevertheless, y’all can call mee… *pulls out a list..* Nate. Y’all can call me Nate- cause this is my first time talkin to y’all but I have been observing for a while,,,

and FOR THE NEW GUEST BAD MAD SAD BOY JIMMY SOLIDARITYGAMING! our favourite canary, ima send him two whole packet of marshmallows, feel free to share them with everyone else! Or gatekeep it for yourself, up to you.. ima riot if the two observing steal them- aND also ima give Scott & Grian a bunch of plants/flowers bc i can, Pearl.. have a book & a pencil case full of stationeries And for martyn.. *gives him a note that reads* “you get nothing <3” *immediately after, another note drops* “ jk have these, choose your favourite! Share if you want but knowing you, you probably won’t “ proceeding to drop him a bunch of hair clips of different variants

Turning over to the two observers, don’t think I forgot about you even though I just mentioned you guys literally a paragraph ago.. Scar you can have my keychain collection, you seem like the typa guy to like keychains idk why, Scott you don’t get shit cause respectfully.. fuck you <3 ]

(( WOW THATS LONG! Sorry not sorry for that <3 but I am sorry if it’s difficult to read,, Im very tired rn & my brain is not braining! ))

(Aw thank you so much!!!! :D)

LimL!Jimmy: Marshmallows?!?! ✨✨

Scott:... Well that was an emotional 180, It's giving me quite a bit of whiplash... Also thank you for the flowers they are quite nice.

~~~~~~~

Grian: Plants? hmmmmm, we can use these on the base don't you think? Maybe if we put them over there or... Maybe up next to the lighthouse? We could make a garden somewhe-... Are you even listening?

Pearl: Oh, yeah sure.

Grian: What was I saying then?

Pearl:... Something...something...plants...?

Grian:....

~~~~~~~~

Martyn:... I am going to share them just to spite you because screw you.

[transguygardner]

“taylor why is guy so skinny in your last drawing”

well it all has to do with how i think being a red lantern interacts with guy’s vuldarian healing powers specifically (i am never drawing canon. i am always drawing with my main au in mind). becoming a red lantern means you get your blood replaced with the blood of ysmalt which is why its so dangerous to lose your rage without a blue lantern around to fix things

now if you had healing powers those healing powers would probably see the blood of ysmalt as a foreign body that needs to be exterminated. but as long as you wear the ring you have the blood of ysmalt. so basically guy’s body is fighting against his power ring and its pretty much a stalemate

so while guy is wearing the red lantern ring he is CONSTANTLY using his healing powers which is going to require massive amounts of calories. calories that guy is not getting. under normal circumstances it would be difficult to eat enough to maintain weight while constantly using healing powers (think when the rock shows his eating schedule) and its going to be extremely difficult when you’re based in sector 666, a sector destroyed by the guardians, so all food is going to have to be shipped in and technically you don’t need to eat anyways because your rage is literally sustaining you

but if your body is fighting the rage then its going to draw its energy from somewhere else. which in this case is guy’s muscle mass. luckily for guy he goes through a period of bulking up before he gets the red lantern ring so he’s got quite a bit. unluckily he’s a red lantern for like five years in my au so he loses like all the bulk he gained and ends up thinner than he was during his coma

so thats why

[9800sblog]

Thinking he'll see ghosts if he gets involved in tarot-thats literally me,couple of years ago when I got into spirituality,tarot etc I was so scared watching tarot videos,even sometimes I get scared while watching some particular type of videos,usually the one's with talking to spitit guides or passed on loved ones,I've decided and then undecided to connect directly to my spirit guides,they are allowed to give me message in my dreams or in other non scary ways tho they don't seem to do so much,maybe I can't see it,last year I was trying to astral project for few months cause I noticed I've been doing a lot of the things people tell you to do for astral projection and maybe it was meant to be,after many half attempts,lucid dream nightmares(nightmares are common for me in general yikes) and few almosts I gave up,I thought I could talk directly to my spirit guides there but I just couldn't be nonchalant about oh you might see a shadow figure,you might come across tricksters,for me I need to know everything about something and prepare for it properly,also if you tell me this might or might not happen my brain will cling to it happening so I'm on guard so it's hard for me to take chances with this,even I am spiritual,I have severe anxiety disorder(untreated atm due to things out of my control)and that probably has some hand in this,have you ever felt this way? how do you deal with being scared of things like this?

oh my god when I started getting into these things, I was sooooo scared!! i started doing telepathy communication with my future spouse and sometimes I'd just see or feel the person in my room and I'd FREAK OUT, turn on all the lights, look every corner to see if there's something or someone, then distract myself somehow so I wouldn't think of it while also being vigilant, just in case.

how did it get better? literally just figuring out what's going on and how things work. before being into spirituality, I was super into science, so my spiritual knowledge is intertwined with scientific explanations, makes things less scary. because science explains everyday life in simple ways, spirituality is literally a type of science. I don't like when people explain spirituality in complicated terms or make it feel like magic or something exclusive, spirituality is everyday life and habits. spiritual practices like tarot cards are just supposed to make it easier, it's not a big deal.

I don't personally believe spirits can interact with the physical world, that's why I'm not a fan of talking to spirit guides too often, it can confuse the shit out of you. so that horror movie thing where ghosts pull your feet at night is literally impossible, they can't harm you physically or force you into anything. I think they can bring ideas into your head, but only if you ask and you'll only follow if you're susceptible or agree.

I personally don't like watching general tarot videos and things like that because that type of media usually reaches a bigger audience - it's more difficult to interpret the messages and too many people "popularize" their beliefs for money and attention. I'd say if you don't feel comfortable in a video, just move along, it's not a big deal at all.

I think most of us are chilling when it comes to shadow beings, I like to think of them as black holes - if you came into contact with one, you wouldn't be able to avoid it and it would cause major destruction, but how many stories have you heard of someone dying in a black hole? the other "dark spirits", I think of them as natural disasters like hurricanes, you can easily protect yourself from it, some people are more susceptible to it's consequences, but also most people can and do recuperate from it. and if you're prepared, it's not that big of a deal.

i hope this helps! it's just my personal thing, but figuring out how science explains spiritual beliefs is the best thing for anxious people that are into these things hehe

[meatriarchived]

i cannot sleep for the life of me due to nausea, im running on maybe like. twenty solid minutes of the Essence of Sleep™ than any substantial sleep so. whatevers below may not make a lick of sense etc but imma just ramble until maybe my eyes kinda tucker out on me and whenever i become more human again ill revisit this so. possibly take it with a grain of salt

and also possible cw in the just case i ramble about anything like g.ore / injury / murder what have you. also nothing is meant to like. pigeonhole interactions into what this mess might have in it. i am simply wordvomiting at this point from lack of rest fingerguns

so when i think about the, what, i think they said roughly a month that maria's been missing? ( dont quote me pls but thats the estimated timeframe i have in my head so if its not then.... vague hand gestures ) with the implication that she's been captive so long, obviously comes with some thread-pulling on the usual M.O. of the family, which is typically yknow, kill quickly get the body taken care of so ideally no ones' missing their loved ones long enough to follow any trails. which, in that case, would mean that more than likely maria ( maybe others in the past ) were kept around as a plaything of sorts, a thing to toy with, to break.

and while i could see it being done so by johnny, for whatever his motive could possibly be to keep her alive for any prolonged period of time. frankly? i could more easily see her being kept alive for so long because of nancy. if maybe its just the womans' vitriolic nature that compels her to do so with a random victim from time to time, esp with her voicelines about some conjured up "attraction" regarding johnny on marias' part ( no ), its like. i could so easily see the woman being a big part of why they didn't kill her off as quickly - to teach her a lesson? to taunt her needlessly? to take out her sick anger on? who knows. but thats what im more inclined to at the moment when it comes to how i portray maria, esp in her Living aus.

its partly why ive got the itch in the back of my mind tho to possibly take on nancy when shes released ( i want to have more info on her esp before i decide to or not ). the woman just has so much venom in her and as much as it compels me to wanna hoist her up and throw her at a wall, shes like the hoyt of the game so far - theyre meant to be disgustingly cruel and vile and disturbing characters. but shes such a... nice foil in a sense to both luda and to maria.

like luda's not unfamiliar to killing, shes got blood on her hands in spite of her age, but shes not unnecessarily violent like nancy. luda harms or kills to get the job done - nancy has too much fun with it, she seems like she likes to take her time with people she fixates on and she seems as if she'd going out of her way to cause an abundance of unneeded harm to her victims. id argue that luda is respected in the family for her guidance and her role as matriarch, nancys' just lowkey straight-up feared to a degree because of how 0 - 10000 she can get. i can see them losing alot of potential food because she just...frankly goes way too far at times handling victims, that it makes the body mostly if not completely unusable to be butchered properly.

all that to say, yeah johnnys the one that herded maria to the family and sure i can see being why she wasn't killed immediately for likely just toying with her for a bit, tho with him i can feel the novelty of doing so could dwindle fairly quick; but i can see nancy being why shes still alive almost a month later, and in such rough shape yet still being kept alive ( in reference to her worse wounds being stitched up - if speaking with thomas in mind, he does enjoy sewing and will sew victims up if they arent ready or needing to be butchered right away so, could argue that he / bubba were told to do so by nancy to prolong maria's suffering. )

as for maria, in the aftermath of it all, its difficult to describe the types of injuries she definitely has because frankly when you consider the idea of her being alive for those weeks, her injuries must have been consistent and substantial, yknow? shes severely m.alnourished, severely dehydrated. physically shes a complete wreck and i truly think that until she saw ana and her friends? she'd gotten to the point of being shut down to it all and was simply waiting for death to take her in its arms ( which, i think if we think about nancy having a hand in keeping her so long, the lack of fight / reaction likely set her off in a different way than she's used to victims behaving and made her want to prolong marias life just to spite her ). like. at the end of it all, these people genuinely terrify and disgust and have t.raumatized her so badly, imagine being in her position for weeks.

maria's entire worldview and thoughts on people in general were so severely trampled on by this one singular family unit; she could never blindly trust people again, paranoia of being followed like she was, flinching from physical contact with people. she feels a shiver of fear when people smile broadly because she views it as having a sinister motive behind it. so much of her trust and willingness to see a shred of good in people by default just, shattered completely.

to note: i am still awake and my eyes are not tired yet and i am internally sobbing cause at this point im not going to get any sleep until later in the day cause i have errands to run in a couple hrs but im gonna cut this here dsfbjhkas

i'll end it here tho by noting that, should this make sense in terms of nancy by the time shes in game and all, then theres a good chance she'll ( unfortunately ) be added but also

in terms of the slightest sliver of a chance that, should one of the friends locate maria years after shes gone off to the pacific north west on her own and tell her about the plans to return to the house?

imma just be real and say maria may or may not wanna beat the ever-loving shit outta nancy if she somehow still has the audacity to be breathing- dsasdjk

[glitchdollmemoria]

on the one hand i completely understand that the handful of assorted punk events in my area need money to function. i get it, i really do. but on the other hand where the fuck am i supposed to go as someone who literally cannot afford to spend anything more than i absolutely need to for survival? part of why im drawn to the punk subculture is because its a subculture full of other poor disenfranchised anticapitalists but it fucking sucks that even among the other poors im still not able to afford entry to their spaces.

again, this isnt me blaming people for needing money to be able to host events, or blaming musicians for deserving money for what they do. this is me blaming capitalism for putting human interaction behind a paywall. this is me blaming the people in charge for making it impossible for me to spend time with other people outside of work and online communities. if motherfuckers would stop hoarding wealth and let the rest of us have enough to not only thrive, but survive, then i could actually afford to support others in the community i want to be a part of, i could afford to make friends in my area and go have some damn fun. but i literally fucking cannot. i cannot afford social interaction.

and thats not even to mention how my disabilities factor into this - i cant drive, i cant walk far, i get extremely physically exhausted for weeks just from a little bit of overexertion. if i could afford a ridesharing service, so i could easily transport myself and my wheelchair, then it would be ten thousand times easier to go out and enjoy myself without putting myself in danger. if i could know for sure that venues were accessible, i wouldnt have to worry about exhausting myself just from trying to exist in those places. if being multiply disabled didnt make it so fucking difficult to support myself financially, if there were proper social safety nets in place instead of an SSA that refuses to respond to my attempts to just get help applying for supplementary income, if i werent treated as a broken worthless cog in the machine of profit, then i could fucking exist in peace and go out and have fun so much more easily, even with all the obstacles my disabilities bring me. but none of that is the case.

something something, capitalism and ableism go hand in hand, something something, i hate feeling like im on the outskirts even in fringe subcultures. yeah. sure. thats the moral of this post i guess

[capellla]

im not really looking for a reading as such but general tips cause i seem to keep running into the same type of people and either they dislike me from the get go without giving me much chance or theyre superficial one sided arseholes who only really care about something if it benefit them and i cant tell if someone is genuinely a good person or someone hiding behind a facade nowadays.

cause for instance u can easily tell if they dont like u even just by how little they dont give u much of a response nor interaction personally but that still doesnt mean much? yet other times they seem interested and keen on socialising whilst others theyll have their phone out or i will be staring at someones forehead which isnt the nicest of feeling even if theyre not doing much and ive always felt this person or others always have to be in charge of a discussion if they arent the centre of it then they are uninterested or some are interested in what i say until someone esle derails from me and or they have a bad habit of interrupting me. and im like how did i end up with these ppl? ughhh.

whys it so hard just to get the respect of others even if they dont care about me or dislike me to some extent? its not like i need them to care for me or anything but like show some respect yaknow? cause a person can try to be interested in what ur saying yet they still have other intention or feelings towards u that are fake. if u are conversing with someone on their phone wouldnt u be a little miffed at it? yes weve all done it to an extent but at some point u have to either ask them if they have a problem with u or not lmao. idk if im complicting it or making it seem worse than it is but is it hard for people to just try better? it seems so. im not perfect either but like people actually suck cause they can do the whole ghosting thing and so many ppl generally are addicted to gossiping and other unhelpful ways that dont make u want to interact with them any further. r people just too vapid and unaware of how it looks or am i asking too much from people or am i bothering them because they can and will interrupt me often and to them its often no big deal if they do things to me. sighhh. sorry for rambling but id love to know ur thoughts on this and any tips or advices u have for making better social connections with ppl who seem hellbent on disliking u or whatever it is. its been that way since i was little ppl would seemingly make it difficult for me to get close with them or make snarky little comments about things that were obviously intentional. again cause i was young u dont have an awareness of it until u learn of somethings. maybe others will find this ramble useful or relatable too.

how would i be able to tell if someone genuinely has terrible listening skills or if theyre really self absorbed? readings have helped in some cases but it still doesnt give much advices besides that i need to keep an eye out for the people around me but then it gets tiring having to always be hypervigilant and wary of whos acting in what way towards me or whos using what tone do they sound bored? etc, which ive felt has been going on for years and only now am i being wary of it and whos doing what when im interacting with them or trying too. id just like to sometimes be able to relax around others yet some part of me is always thinking when something is going on is it just trying to get my reaction and emotions from it? again sorry for rambling but some advice would be useful atp. cause im done with putting so much into someone who aint going to give a damn if im speaking to them or not. i might as well be around nobody than fake somebodies who dont like me.

and i cant count the amount of weirdness from these situations either its either the vibes or them or something thats going on that im not supposed to know about loads of fake coughing shit, seeing weird things when im out pointless petty gossiping etc. it gives distraction tactics honestly so they can ruin my social life too. its like every time im going out somewhere to enjoy something or trying to do well its just weird things that occur that dont make no sense cause they dont want me to be doing well.

People are brazen, hypocritical, superficial, liar, shameless, empty, heartless... I could list more. To be honest, I don't know that much either because I grew up far away from people, I was alone most of the time, and the universe somehow brought me people who were compatible with me or who I thought were so at that moment. What I mean by compatible is that I have always managed to see the good in people and I managed to learn from them. It is important to learn to be alone in this century because there is another thing: the more your awareness increases, the more lonely you feel. People don't know, and they don't know what they don't know either. It's very annoying when the other person gets caught up in stupid details and gossip when there is so much love and goodness inside of you. I still don't know why, there is a curtain between people and no one dares to lift that curtain.

I would like to hear the opinions of other people who follow my blog because unfortunately I cannot give good advice on this matter.

[terrifickid]

ya well I'm still fine.

Dunno, I just find it wierd timing on all these things and this strange universal jujutsu lock.

To me, it feels like the john connor scenario - where it doesn't matter what he choses he still defeats the terminators because it's fate.

Even when he tries not to defeat them because of foreknowledge of the future that he will, he would wind up subjectively realizing he must make each choice in the series of choices that lead that result - with the consequences being QUITE unexpected.

I don't feel like my thoughts are under control - but I do feel like - well for instance - premonitions - the premonitions came true - exactly, I've never had a premonition that didn't - I have feelings about things that don't exactly pan out and etc. but premonition experiences are few and far between - but distinct.

Having those changes my thinking.

Where do the premonitions come from?

Someone says, 'meet you at 8' - it becomes a part of your thinking about the day.

Ya trusting the premonitions or working with them directly repercussed into completely saving me from really serious problems. It's undeniable.

Think about trying to pushing magnets together - you try it as a kid over and over and you can't do it.

No it leaves me here. Writing a blog, with the unexpected occurring manifesting as the actual realities of my life and determining my relationships and practicing mindfullness mostly. Recognizing the shifting of chemical states of consciousness from various activities and that most are addictive and finding the one I'm preferring is like is the centered state. Reminds of of quitting Diary Queen.

I definitely could be worried. I definitely CAN be worried there is a werewolf right behind me about to bite. I can decide to look to check 'just in case' but the same feeling of, why worry about that? Some risks I just have to accept.

I'm not left with a choice to worry or not worry. It's like a lock - you can't move your foot there. I'm not left with the potential to believe here is a conspiracy. Nor am I left with the potential to believe anything about it. It's like falling, but on the inside.

I'm left with this odd and vague perception of 'something' is going on. I perceive people as tantrum throwing automatons incapable of connecting or listening or interacting with the outside world around them.

I'm left with all these biting realizations to chew through, coming to the conclusion that they're just paranoia and delusions. And then back to the present moment - and a very strange sense of peace and feeling comfortable with how things are going and where everything is placed and how I'm dressed and how I've changed.

I might resent it, if everything happening wasn't by my own choice. I made each of these decisions for the reasons I felt were good and no matter how hard I try to pick them apart I can't find faults with them - principally. Though I continue to learn from them.

And then here I am happier than ever.

So I can't resent it.

I'm like, 'ya but thats so dual man'.

Which is also wierd. Maybe the weirdest is that I really enjoy these disasters and it's like - ya this is where I want to be. I don't know why I would feel that way. Like feeling better after you have a difficult resolving conversation with someone.

I don't know - I was inclined to believe something miraculous was occuring, then inclined to believe I was going insane. Then inclined to believe both were occurring simultaneously.

Now I feel inclined to believe my consciousness is expanding. Or that this is what dying feels like.

Like the road of expectations. neither fears no desires occur.

Gonna get some lunch of pick up some stuff.

That's the other thing. NOBODY will deal with it. It's always just 'shut up tk, stupid kid'.

And a sense of the vileness of humans. It's such a dark indignity - looking at it I just wilt on the inside in despair of the depravity and no longer want to exist.

Well, I really have had to critically consider shit. And what's also undeniable is how much better I feel after declaring war and taking a militant posture towards these fucking barky creeps without an appointment.

[thesecretoflivereactions]

This Episode has for some reason no subtitles. So you have to bear with me here. I hope the next one has subtitles again. (The Episode just crashed on me... great.) Anyway, in the last Episode there was an attack on some grave that has been protected and out of that grave came some weird monsters. And apparently, this was the grave of "gift-users". Which... sounds to me like, if you have powers like Kudo-san, you are actually always destined to become the same monster he is supposed to fight, if no one protects the grave properly. In any case, this person (I think its a woman, but it also could be an androgynous man) is supposed to be the heir to the throne? This persons father, the current emperor wants Kiyoka(?) dead. So I am not sure yet if we can trust his heir. (Oh, they said "his highness" so... I guess its a man. He sounds like a woman tho ^^')

At least the Episodes title got translated.

The prince gave us a prophecie. That there will be a battle and people could die. But oh well... maincharacters hardly ever die XD

Now the prince warned Kiyoka that the future for him and his fiance will be difficult for a while. But that je trusts that he can get through it - or something like that.

In the meantime, Miyo continues her "Lady lessons" with her futuer sister in law.

So... Kiyokas Sister (whos name I also can not seem to remember) asked Miyo to call her "sister" but it immedeatly gives her bad trauma-responses to use or hear the word "sister".

Mr.Bad-Guy working for the evil Emperor here, has come directly to Kiyoka, to pretend to want to work with him.

Kiyoka is barely coming home because of this incident. And I do not know, why the romance animes these days always has to keep the couples apart from each other as soon as we establish that we are in love. Its annyoing, really.

In any case... it seems like Miyo nightmare are getting worse.

Miyo is either getting sick, beeing cursed or its the lack of proper sleep, because she just collapsed in the middle of the street. Mr.Bad-Guy here thankfully catched her.

The Episode is over. Lets go to the next.

Good news! We have subtitles again and I can go back to watching this in Japanese.

With the barrier not broken, I also assume its Miyo herself who causes the nightmares. Not willingly of course. Its more like... her powers going haywire for some reason. What I don't understand is... why did it only start after she came to the Kudo-House? Did the house of her father somehow seal her powers or something?

You should! Its been like one and a half episodes without you two directly interacting with each other! Even as the viewer it feels lonely! XD

Now thats what we all needed!

That communication is the key to a happy relationship is not something people just say, it actually is true. These two have yet to learn it. She tried hard to hide things to prove that she can handle taking care of a "family" without leaning on her husband. He didn't say he knew about her struggles, because he wanted to respect her reasoning. BUT once again IF one of them had talked, this situation could have easily been prevented. And why I get Miyos reasons - not that she was right with her thought, but I get that her abuse for so many years leads her to such thoughts - I do not understand Kiyokas reasons. He loves her. He wants to help her. He wants to protect her. Why did he not say anything sooner?

I... do not know what this was. He wasn't cruel to her. He was concerned. He leashed out a bit, yes, but just out of concern. But she acted like he did something horrible to her and now he actually believes it.

What a mess...

[satoumafuyuss]

Hey! This is the trans questioning person again!

To give more details I've been struggling with my attraction for ages. I stopped trying to label it at this point, but it feels very much stunted because I have to be a woman and all the relationships I'll have will be straight.

I think the closest label that would fit is aroallo but god am I unsure of everything. I've always been so extremely detached from dating culture even as a child. I see all those other women who like men but I'm only attracted to people who are gnc. I like men but imagining myself in a normal straight relationship is horribly repulsive and I'm not sure thats how it's supposed to go lol. About women, I've always thought I was bi but I think I kinda forced that label on me to explain why I felt queer.

I'm in a weird spot because I've explained this to a lot of trans people and I've got a lot of answers ranging from "this is normal cis stuff when they interact with trans people" to "this sounds really non binary".

I think the best way I can put it is that I feel like a sort of slug stuck in this body. I'm happy with it because I look great but at the same time a part feels like it's missing. I feel like I have two bodies for one person, but the other male one can't physically exist. I'm ok with being either but it feels like I'm missing out, especially attraction wise. A buddy of mine described it as the therian of gender and urgh yeah its weird.

I've definitely thought about bigender but the community doesn't really feel this way from what I see. It's more one body for 2 which you know is very fair.

Sigh yeah I've been having those thoughts for a while but I also like my status as a woman somehow. Makes me feel good when people see me as a strong/non conforming woman specifically.

Yeah I can definitely see why that would be difficult to fully understand. I think it is important to know that labels are only here to to help us and aren't concrete things and many people also go on as unlabeled (theres even a flag for it lol!). No two people who identify with a label will ever feel exactly the same as another. Experimentation may be a good idea. Like trying new pronouns or something with people you can trust and know how you feel, there's no shame and finding out its not right for you either!

also I feel you about the "imagining myself in a normal straight relationship is horribly repulsive". That's part of the reason I buried my attraction for men for so long tbh. I hated the idea of being a woman dating a man and all the societal pressures that had attached (like expectations of getting pregnant blargh). Have you ever heard of QPRs? They're fairly common in the aroallo community and maybe more so align with what you're looking for in a relationship?

Genderfluid may be closer to how you feel in this case too. being a gnc woman is also a possibility and very cool though. lol gender and sexuality is confusing 😔

[dumbassloveydoveybitch]

Why don't you post in FT anymore, we miss seeing you in the server!

im not sure as to how old this ask is as i am just now seeing it, im guessing its a few years old though so my apologies for taking so long to answer it

its hard to explain but it just kind of got too big for me to keep up with, every channel usually had an active discussion going on at all times so if i needed to ask about something i would have to interrupt that, and it would usually get buried even if there wasn't an active discussion since other people talk there too so if i asked something, but then someone else asked something, the thing people see first is the later message, its understandable. but while I don't feel this was 100% the case, since I wasn't really able to keep fish at the time i started to feel that, as the server grew, that at best I was being a nuisance and at worst was causing discussions to go off track and made the whole thing more difficult for people who actually "deserved it" (not the right term but i cant figure out the right one), plus there were some other things happening that i can't remember the specifics, but that also caused me to become less able to be active in something like a discord server

as to why i didn't return later on, it just was too big, there was too much disconnect at that point that it felt daunting to jump back in, expecially since by that time i had no means of being able to keep fish

not that thats a bad thing, the more people able to access information and discuss fish keeping the better

as to if I'll ever rejoin again, I'm unsure, ive thought about getting back into fishkeeping since i do have slightly better means of doing so (a 1 gallon RO system and, actually having an income) but there still are a lot of hurdles I'd have to jump through to get to that point, mostly financial, but there's other things, things haven't exactly been great in the 5+(?) ish years since i was last active and they definitely make it difficult to justify being able to keep fish

plus, related to those issues i have gotten much worse when it comes to talking to people, i don't know if i could handle being in a server with 20 people, let alone hundreds, so if i did rejoin im not sure if i would be able to be active at all

if fish tea is even still around, i know it was a few months back but discord servers are a closed box, they're either active or not and theres no way of knowing unless you open the box (schrödinger's groupchat)

i possibly would be fine to rejoin the soaking bowl if thats still around, at least i would be able to participate a bit more since, while i don't have a pond anymore so i see far fewer frogs and toads, i still see some occasionally, not to mention its smaller size, but i am unsure, my thoughts on whether or not i should even allow myself to interact with people at all have been going back and forth for a while now, and given the nature of a discord server that uncertainty is a lot higher

[xno-more-smilesx]

Oh yeah, its pretty much the reason i love fics or books so much over shows or series, and i am biased here cuz i dont remember most of the show for how long its been since i last watched it, and ngl Danny being one of my comfort characters makes me miss some cannon stuff, for well, being comfort.

But on the counterpoints

I totally forgot those chapters, so yeah i didnt get much base for that, but it is something that i do get to ask myself when assessing cases, so i vibed with what i remembered

This is a neutral ground. As you said adults (specifically the older generation than most of whom grew up w this show) tend to be the one raised with the mindset of "thats how teens are" and in their faver, yeah, puberty and changes in social environments like coming from middle school to high school and hormones and starting to discover yourself do make you the teen cliché, bc its a cliché cuz its a pattern we go through and its common enough to be of notice, what i was mostly pointing at with that is more on the drastic changes that can be concerning or doesn't fit with the expected change by puberty, thats what i meant by obvious precedent, tho i didnt say it more clearly. 

And yeah not being diagnosed doesnt mean not having it, and you can develop mechanism on your own, I meant more in a formal one, cuz like, you know how kids in noisy environments play with their ears by covering and uncovering them to play with "noise-silence-noise-silence" thats a mechanism to deal with overstimulation and is something they develop on their own and its more of an instict, its mostly seen in autistic individuals but not exclusive, with a diagnosis i meant more as in having assistance from a professional to explain mechanisms, how they function and more formal ones, like using noise-canceling headphones for example for this scenario, or breathing exercises or others that are more subtle

lil break here to go deeper with that, I'm going to use the example of an autistic case cuz its the one I feel is easier to explain and applies more to what I want to explain, and also what I have more experience studying: Autism by the DSM-5 Editon (2022) states autism as persistent deficiencies in social communication and social interaction; it can vary based on how difficult it is for the individual to have a successful social communication and in restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior (it can be Grade 1, as is needing assistance [in learning how to interact, being explained certain social norms, interactions, innuendos, and such]). Grade 2, as in noticeably needing assistance [heavier need in help understanding social cues or having a more socially disruptive behavior], and Grade 3, being the more used in media to "represent" autism and the one that does need a more more incorporated assistance) That being said, when an individual presenting ASD (autism spectrum disorder) goes to a specialist, they are taught how to behave. It sounds bad, but give me a sec to explain: they are taught different ways to help with their specific situations. If they get more overstimulated by noises, they are taught how to deal with those situations to avoid a crisis; if they get more overstimulated by noises, they are taught how to deal with those situations to avoid a crisis, if its the light that's more upsetting, they learn how to deal with that, and so on. (Autistic individuals tend to have more kin senses, so they can get overstimulated easier; that's why it's known that some textures, foods, lights, or noises can be jarring for them.) Autism is a social disorder, so to say; they have difficulty adapting, and that can make it difficult to interact with their environment and to establish interpersonal relationships, so they learn mechanisms that help with their anxiety caused by the uncertainty of how to interact and also to notice social cues that they may not totally get. So you can develop a mechanism on your own, like covering your ears, but it can be taken as a disruptive behavior (sadly it is frowned upon, but it's what usually happens), or you can be taught a mechanism that can be more effective and less "disruptive," so to say.

Sorry I turned this into a whole ass lecture about autism lol, but that is what I meant as in a mechanism given by a professional, and usually you are diagnosed to be given one that fits better your specific needs.

Back to the last point, is that yeah, not the best example i could give, but there are different instances where Jazz does tell their parents about theire behavior, and ussually teens arent taken seriously in the matter, mostly with good reason but also due to age/respect associated stigmas and such (the number of parents that i have encountered that still dont belive their kids have an actual disorder even after being diagnosed and seen by several specialist its concerning) but as you said, theres a lot of off-screen context we lack to completely have an actual picture of theire relationship and dynamics as a family, it is known that the fentons are a very loving family, we see how the parents are to their kids and how danny respects and defends his father from Vlad over and over again, there's a lot we can take from what is shown but is also needed to be reminded that this is a tv show for kids, so they do show more of a interesting plot chapter by chapter instead of a deep and thoughtful lore and some stuff and be misinterpreted (like danny being trans, love the head canon but its a fact that Butch Hartman is not a trans friendly individual) or theres some plot holes, or some rushed stuff and so.

As i said im biased by not having all the canon facts in mind and having some delusion by what its canon and what is fanon.

Okay but like. Real talk. 'Their son died and they didn't even notice' sounds real bad, but can we like- Danny was still living with them. It is reasonable to assume that your kid that is still living with you is not dead. It is not like he just disappeared one day and they didn't notice.

'Their son died and they didn't notice' is a FANTASTIC line for characters to torment themselves and each other with. Danny can lay awake at night and think about it. Maddie can rip her hair out over it. Sam can throw it at them in a spiteful rage.

But like. It's definitely not an accurate summary of what happened there. And I think the author should maintain a careful awareness of that.

[youn9racha]

Hidden Album

pairing: han jisung x gn!reader (well solo)

genre: smut

synopsis: tour was fun for jisung, he loved performance and satisfying hsi audience. however, not as much as how much he loves and misses you while away. and once he succumbs to his loneliness and horniness, he has to relieve himself in some way...

warning: sextape, masturbation, chan being a wise geezer, confusing pov (?), nudes,,, ig thats it

words: 1.3 k

a/n: its the way ji won over min,,, sorry seungminnie

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

Jisung lies there with his head facing up to the ceiling, one hand placed underneath his head and the other on his chest. He was in the middle of touring so—albeit excited to roam the world, see his fans and perform in front of an audience than the usual camera crew—once again he had to spend his time away from you, despite insisting that you join along him for some time. However, with conflict of work times, it proved difficult so you two resorted to video calls, but even so, due to the time zones depending on where he resides, it added another conflict on the table, but you two never slowed down from the interactions and still tried to call from time to time when both of you happened to be awake. Otherwise, texting was another solution that would solve the problem.

It was nighttime where he is staying, and unfortunately, the time when more than likely you’d be sleeping, and Jisung ended up having the room to himself for a bit meanwhile Minho goes out doing what he usually is best doing; harassing Hyunjin and Changbin. He sighs as he allowed loneliness to get the best of him, he thought for an introvert like him should cherish this alone time, but he would be dead wrong as his craving for your touch begins to increase. How your hand would roam his body, how your lips perfectly molded onto his, how his hand would squeeze the soft, plump skin of your breast, or the teeth marks you two would give each other, blinded by the loving lust you two have for each other.

He ended up catching goosebumps at the sudden vivid imagination he just had and propping himself up as he stared blankly at his growing tent, which he groans at himself in disappointment.

“Really?”

He shook his head at himself at the sight he is seeing before he looks at the door. He must get rid of the standing man in his pants before Minho comes in and starts mocking him, and who knows how long Minho would be gone. Jisung sighs in defeat as he grabbed his phone and sat himself up as he unlocked his phone.

At first, he opted to text you if you were awake, but once checking the time where you live, it was too late for you to be awake, and he didn’t want to disturb you because of his silly problem. So Jisung resorted to using plan B in the case of an emergency in which something like this would occur, going to the hidden album in his photo gallery.

This is where he would keep all your intimate pictures and videos out of the public eyes. While one would think this is unnecessary, however, when you have nosy members like Minho and Changbin then you would see why the hidden album would be used. Chan taught him all about this after he accidentally saw the racy picture of you he constantly ogles, telling him ‘how he needs to keep things to himself before anyone else snatches it away from him,’ which is a fair pearl of wisdom coming from the eldest and leader—makes you think he might have learned the hard way. But enough about diction and get on with the rubbing.

In those hidden albums are a plethora of pictures and videos, and you were in almost all of them. They’d be pictures of you either in lingerie, costumes, or nothing at all in a compromising position, videos of you teasing and touching yourself, whether it’d be by fingers or toys, but by far his favorites are the ones he’s in. It may sound narcissistic, but Jisung enjoys the sight of you getting ruined by him, just the sight of you whimpering with your mouth opened and eyes shut just because of his cock makes his eyes roll in pleasure. He thought that it would be the perfect medium to use to relieve himself.

He scrolls through the many pictures and videos, squeezing his cock from time to time among the pretty pictures you would take that he stumbles on, he ultimately opened the sex tape of you two; it was taken on the day before he was supposed to be leaving for his tour, the last time he ever gets to feel you wrapped around him. He could already cum from the thumbnail of him standing on the side as if to adjust the camera while you looked at it with your adorable face pouting. He played the video, and already he started to take his cock out of its restraints and lowered his pants as he wrapped his hands around the shaft. In the video, he could see you looking at the camera before looking back at your boyfriend as he got closer to you and instantly began kissing you. You two were bare nude and it seemed as though you were fore playing before the main intercourse based on the way he’s holding onto your tits and how desperate you sounded, and just with that sight, Jisung slowly began bobbing his hand around his hard cock.

While Jisung would love to watch the whole video and relish every moment, he got time to kill and wouldn’t want Minho to make eye contact with his tip, so he ended up skipping forward to the real stuff. He had you on all fours, at that point your hair was disheveled, out of breath, and slightly flushed, presumably from the last orgasm he had given you prior. He starts aligning himself in you before going all in as you yelped out the most porn-equivalent moan out of your mouth, which made the watcher Jisung’s cock twitch at the sound. His hand began following the pace video-Jisung was going with, which was a gradual increase of speed, and the more he sped up, the more noises you were making.

While watcher-Jisung can see himself, his eyes were mainly drawn to you, your head getting thrown back with your eyes rolled shut while mewling out his name like a mantra and your breasts flail according to speed. Watcher-Jisung groaned your name as he speeds up his stroking, sensing his precum leaking, creating a makeshift lube for his hand and now slippery shaft. The sounds of the video and him were blaring across his hotel room, it wouldn’t be surprising if anyone from outside can faintly hear the sound that was happening in Jisung’s room, but at that point, he could care less. He misses you too damn much and how much he wishes this tour would fly back quick to have you in his arms.

He speeds up his movement once more upon hearing you beg to come all over and for him spill himself all over your inside. Jisung felt himself repeat what he said in the video as he was moaning due to the pleasure.

“That’s my good baby.”

And there he began squirting out cum from the head of his cock, white knots erupting out and coating his whole pelvic area, his hand clutching as to release it all out of him. He pants, just like the couple in the video, except the only difference is that Jisung in the video got to kiss you and praise you for how well you were doing for him, while he sighs and cleans himself up. He closed the app before he could lay down and go back to the position he previously was in; except this time, he began scrolling through whatever social media he opened.

As he blindly scrolls through his Twitter, he hears the door open and sees Minho walking in with a plastic bag in his hand.

“Aye, finally you’re done, I got us some dinner,” Minho said, setting down the bag.

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Minho’s word, “what?”

“I got us dinner?”

“no, before that.”

Minho had a sneering smile as he laughed, “you think no one heard you calling out (y/n)’s name?”

Jisung’s faced turned white as his biggest fear was coming true.

“What part?”

“Uhh…the part where you called her a good baby,”

“God dammit, Minho!”

[sunscreenstudies]

Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (Part 7)

"we'll be using a very heurisitc method today called ‘lets just try our best’”

“by using this model, you might come up with a solution that is sub-par but... hey, thats life"

"some people are cruel and use a blind man in their drawings to explain this graph, but i'm nice so i'll use a blindfolded man instead"

“there was actually a very interesting study done not so long ago where scientists claimed that on days when more ice cream was purchased, more murders occured as well. now, i know what you’re thinking, i’d kill someone for limencello and ferrero rocher ice cream as well BUT in this case, that correlation was wrong and it was just scientists being dumb”

"now so, we’re all off next thursday, but i also have an extra days holiday on friday, so if you're trying to email me then... yeah. good luck”

"this example illustrates why we cannot repeat this exercise on more complex DOM trees because their visual representation gets too big and inaccessible too quickly. In other words: we will not be using a more complex example in a potential exam exercise because the tree would quite simply, not fit on the exam paper”

"you know, there's a little secret that we haven't told you about before... please don't hate us, but we are about to tell you about one of the best kept secrets in the Python universe and it would have made your homework SO much easier"

Prof: “does anyone know what mistake the dumb scientists made? i’ll give you a hint; correlation is not the same as causation, so what else do you think would increase the amount of ice cream bought and also increase the amount of murders committed?”   student: “being human”   prof: “... the correct answer is hot temperatures, but technically, you’re not wrong”

"then we'll be looking a linear model, which is the most important part of this course. you can look at it as... the swiss army knife, if you will, of data models"

"we use the pearson correlation method which is the, uh... vanilla method"

“first of all, you can immediately see that the p-value for gender has changed. why? because i made it like that. why did i make it like that?  god only knows"

"we'll be looking at the titanic dataset which is a really funny data- no, wait, i shouldn't say that, it's not a funny dataset, it's a... nice dataset to- nope, it’s not nice either. entertaining? wait, no, people died. i’m not a pyschopath, i swear"

prof: "so here’s your blindfolded man on top of the curve of the graph"    student: "that’s quite a dangerous place for him to be"   prof: "very dangerous for him, yes, but machine learning is very dangerous... for you especially"

"so it was actually doctors who first created the earliest version of this algorithm by using a nearest neighbors set up. so instead of looking at a new patient and trying to come up with what's wrong with them, they based their diagnosis on similar past cases. for example, if someone came in with blue hair and purple eyes and yellow skin and- wow. this is starting to sound more like a carneval than a hospital. i mean, both places are a joke, but still..."

"this is the way we solved this issue for a lot of people. it seems a bit hacky, but hey, as along as it works"

prof1: "that wasn't too difficult"    prof2: "speak for yourself"    prof1: "i am. i don't know what’s going on with you, but i want nothing to do with this"

"you need two predictors, or more. three way interactions can be... messy, but still possible, much like other three way activites that i could mention, but i won't, because you're still children"

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Part 9  | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

[rotshop]

help girl i just woke up and im already thinking abt mag s/o again. anyway please consider ;

[ tw body horror, some brief light gore and violence ]

[ note ; reader is SLIGHTLY described. the only thing mentioned is that they have a noticeable, identifying scar on their face

hank + mag s/o

-he knew you even before the boombox incident. he doesn't even really remember how you two first met, he just remembers that you started talking to him and then just kinda kept coming back. at first he wasn't the biggest fan of you since he was 'doing just fine on his own,' but...he admittedly was already really attached to you. they've never been much of a talker and that's especially noticeable to you at that point in time but ,,, they respond enough with signing, nodding / shaking their head, or the occasional speaking that you're able to carry some conversations pretty well.

-he doesn't really. have. a lot of people in his life. you're really his only real close friend, it's kinda hard for him to fully wrap his head around it so !! they chose not to, instead focusing more-so on whatever it was you were rambling to them about that day.

-not super sure of where to put this lmao but ummm ehe . he's actually surprisingly touchy with you????? like. you've hung out at his house a few times and he just like. you'll start out sitting next to each other and you'll end up either laying with your head on their chest or vice versa . its . a little funny . you tease him about it a little and he just flicks your shoulder. also traces your scar a lot if you'll let them, they're not entirely sure why they do it, they just . like asking you about it occasionally.

-also you have scary dog privileges. they might look like any other grunt at that point but they're still tall as fuck and idk man !! something abt getting a blank stare from someone who towers over u would probably make u shut up and mind ur own damn business.

-again, he's not super good at fully recognizing / acknowledging certain thoughts and feelings of his but . yknow. he can definitely tell he at least worries about you a lot more than he would some other grunt he just met. he can definitely tell there's a reason he doesn't mind you touching him, whether by grabbing his hand to go show him something or just placing a hand on his shoulder or arm (most likely arm, again. hes tall. ). they can definitely tell there's a reason that they find themself genuinely enjoying your interactions.

-after the park thing you don't see them for a long time. everytime you try and call him the lines dead, everytime you try and ask others about him you just get choice words, all in all you're pretty much lost on the entire thing. sure, you know what happened but . it just never sits right with you. it doesn't help whenever people ask questions about them or give you wary looks because of your association, half steps back when you take one forward.

-anyway. yeah nevada goes to shit and you get magnified for the aahw. by now you just. don't really talk about hank. surprisingly, you have a little more of your old memories than the average mag !! congrats. problem is they're all foggy enough that you only really distantly decipher them. lmao. you aren't super high on the ladder but you're a pretty tough mag to beat. you're well known enough that other mags tend to hang around you when there's not much else going on. v2 mags especially think it's fun to mess around with you by jumping on your back or otherwise clinging onto you . idk man u've got like . a little family here .

-at one point or another there's an outing youre on that ends up going wrong. you get split up from the rest of your unit and are forced to hide out in some old abandoned building while you wait for backup. you're a little too injured to try and walk all the way back, a heavy gash on your side preventing you from doing too much in the moment. when you hear heavy steps on concrete you're able to give some sort of noise of relief, turning your head to look over your shoulder at whichever agent in your group had finally found you-

-you're instead met with red goggles and the end of a gun.

-any kind of relief is snatched away, you know damn well who it is by just the bit you can see in the dark alone. even standing in the shade between two windows (one of which you were sitting by, probably how they seen you in the first place- if that's the case though, it's a little weird they hadn't just shot at you through it.) you knew it was him. you're already stumblingly forcing yourself up to as much of your full height as you can manage, taking some kind of defensive position even as one of your hands ghosts over your gash. the throbbing pain of it and the feeling of blood sticking and running down your skin is enough that you can't seem to focus on the fact that he won't stop staring at your face.

-it doesn't take long before your legs seem to fail you, forcing you forward a bit as you kneel in some sort of attempt to keep upright. you're too busy hissing under your breath and screwing your eyes shut in pain as your hand covers your side to notice your company stepping forwards. you're snapped back to attention when there's a hand on your face, fingertips digging into your skin as they yank your head down a little further. you know you should be grabbing him, that you should be digging your claws into his torso and ripping him clean in half, throwing whatevers left aside and leaving. you know thats what you were told to do, what you were told they deserved anyway. yet, you aren't. instead, you're just giving some warning growl as you stare at them. you notice how the end of the gun is pointed away from you, how their touch seems to outline the mark on your face.

-"If you try and hurt me, I'll kill you." That's the only real heads up you get before he's crouching down and shoving your hand out of the way, grabbing something from his pocket to get to work on you. you don't fail to notice how little attention they're paying to you (aside from the focus on your wound, of course), that you could just rush forward and slam them into the ground if you really wanted.

-ok im skippin g ahead bc this is already way too goddamn long for hcs DEJWJCS

-anyway. it's a complicated relationship for a while. the others tend to avoid you a little but he just keeps showing up around you. they keep staring at you and just hanging around in your general area. it's not that much of an irritant if you ignore all the weird emotions and thoughts it keeps bringing to the forefront of your mind, forcing you to once again try and meddle with your memories.

-eventually he just starts walking over to you and sitting down next to you. sometimes he doesn't say anything at all, just sitting there and seeming to wait for one thing another- he never seems to find whatever that is, as he always gets up and leaves without a word at some point or another. then they start talking, its just little things at first, point-blank statements you can't say much on. sometimes they're just saying they and the other three will be gone for a bit othertimes it's some half-demand to let them look at the stitches they did on you (semi-related, he's not good at them. the stitches are pretty rough. at one point or another sanford has to redo them properly lmao)

-but then there's one particular night. they do the normal thing, come over, sit down next to you, not say a word. this time though you note how they're facing you. instead of some reminder or a demand for anything, he's pulling his ask down and asking a simple question. 'What do you remember?'

-it's a long conversation. he's talking more than he normally would by a long shot, occasionally stopping whenever his words seem to especially fail him and get stuck in his throat. you don't even really remember moving around, or even him pulling you in any way, you just know you somehow end up laying next to him with your head on his chest.

-whenever the memories do seem to click into place, it's hard. you have a lot of choice words for them yourself, months of being left alone without a word bubbling up with a vengeance, they listen to them. while some mags (such as yourself) do have the ability to speak, the san and dei don't think they've ever heard one with that much emotion in their voice. they've especially never seen a mag just break down like you do, they're both tensing up a little from their far away spot when hank's walking closer to you. instead of you lashing out or swiping at him though, you just sit there while he wraps his arms around you (as best as he can at least, it's a little difficult but he's able to get them around your neck and reach his other hand behind you well enough). you're eventually doing the same to him, though it's more so just your hands resting on their back.

-it takes a good while for proper trust to be rebuilt along with an honest, proper explanation from hank that only you're privy to. eventually though, there's enough trust that you're able to hang around him again without narrowly avoiding an argument or anything. they don't like being super affectionate or 'vulnerable' in front of the other two, so most times they prefer being in your or their room. also they're still touchy lmao, doesn't help that you're mag sized now and so they just want to hold you . its hard to explain, he's never been super affected by others heights and even when he is it's usually a negative thing for him but . for some reason . he just likes being shorter / smaller than you lol ,,,,,,,, hope you like holding them a lot bc that's what you're gonna be doing

-holy shit these are long so . i think .i am going to stop here.