#but if thats the case why am i so difficult to interact with and be around | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meatriarchived · 1 year

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i cannot sleep for the life of me due to nausea, im running on maybe like. twenty solid minutes of the Essence of Sleep™ than any substantial sleep so. whatevers below may not make a lick of sense etc but imma just ramble until maybe my eyes kinda tucker out on me and whenever i become more human again ill revisit this so. possibly take it with a grain of salt

and also possible cw in the just case i ramble about anything like g.ore / injury / murder what have you. also nothing is meant to like. pigeonhole interactions into what this mess might have in it. i am simply wordvomiting at this point from lack of rest fingerguns

so when i think about the, what, i think they said roughly a month that maria's been missing? ( dont quote me pls but thats the estimated timeframe i have in my head so if its not then.... vague hand gestures ) with the implication that she's been captive so long, obviously comes with some thread-pulling on the usual M.O. of the family, which is typically yknow, kill quickly get the body taken care of so ideally no ones' missing their loved ones long enough to follow any trails. which, in that case, would mean that more than likely maria ( maybe others in the past ) were kept around as a plaything of sorts, a thing to toy with, to break.

and while i could see it being done so by johnny, for whatever his motive could possibly be to keep her alive for any prolonged period of time. frankly? i could more easily see her being kept alive for so long because of nancy. if maybe its just the womans' vitriolic nature that compels her to do so with a random victim from time to time, esp with her voicelines about some conjured up "attraction" regarding johnny on marias' part ( no ), its like. i could so easily see the woman being a big part of why they didn't kill her off as quickly - to teach her a lesson? to taunt her needlessly? to take out her sick anger on? who knows. but thats what im more inclined to at the moment when it comes to how i portray maria, esp in her Living aus.

its partly why ive got the itch in the back of my mind tho to possibly take on nancy when shes released ( i want to have more info on her esp before i decide to or not ). the woman just has so much venom in her and as much as it compels me to wanna hoist her up and throw her at a wall, shes like the hoyt of the game so far - theyre meant to be disgustingly cruel and vile and disturbing characters. but shes such a... nice foil in a sense to both luda and to maria.

like luda's not unfamiliar to killing, shes got blood on her hands in spite of her age, but shes not unnecessarily violent like nancy. luda harms or kills to get the job done - nancy has too much fun with it, she seems like she likes to take her time with people she fixates on and she seems as if she'd going out of her way to cause an abundance of unneeded harm to her victims. id argue that luda is respected in the family for her guidance and her role as matriarch, nancys' just lowkey straight-up feared to a degree because of how 0 - 10000 she can get. i can see them losing alot of potential food because she just...frankly goes way too far at times handling victims, that it makes the body mostly if not completely unusable to be butchered properly.

all that to say, yeah johnnys the one that herded maria to the family and sure i can see being why she wasn't killed immediately for likely just toying with her for a bit, tho with him i can feel the novelty of doing so could dwindle fairly quick; but i can see nancy being why shes still alive almost a month later, and in such rough shape yet still being kept alive ( in reference to her worse wounds being stitched up - if speaking with thomas in mind, he does enjoy sewing and will sew victims up if they arent ready or needing to be butchered right away so, could argue that he / bubba were told to do so by nancy to prolong maria's suffering. )

as for maria, in the aftermath of it all, its difficult to describe the types of injuries she definitely has because frankly when you consider the idea of her being alive for those weeks, her injuries must have been consistent and substantial, yknow? shes severely m.alnourished, severely dehydrated. physically shes a complete wreck and i truly think that until she saw ana and her friends? she'd gotten to the point of being shut down to it all and was simply waiting for death to take her in its arms ( which, i think if we think about nancy having a hand in keeping her so long, the lack of fight / reaction likely set her off in a different way than she's used to victims behaving and made her want to prolong marias life just to spite her ). like. at the end of it all, these people genuinely terrify and disgust and have t.raumatized her so badly, imagine being in her position for weeks.

maria's entire worldview and thoughts on people in general were so severely trampled on by this one singular family unit; she could never blindly trust people again, paranoia of being followed like she was, flinching from physical contact with people. she feels a shiver of fear when people smile broadly because she views it as having a sinister motive behind it. so much of her trust and willingness to see a shred of good in people by default just, shattered completely.

to note: i am still awake and my eyes are not tired yet and i am internally sobbing cause at this point im not going to get any sleep until later in the day cause i have errands to run in a couple hrs but im gonna cut this here dsfbjhkas

i'll end it here tho by noting that, should this make sense in terms of nancy by the time shes in game and all, then theres a good chance she'll ( unfortunately ) be added but also

in terms of the slightest sliver of a chance that, should one of the friends locate maria years after shes gone off to the pacific north west on her own and tell her about the plans to return to the house?

imma just be real and say maria may or may not wanna beat the ever-loving shit outta nancy if she somehow still has the audacity to be breathing- dsasdjk

#dont mind middle of the night-early morning renee im quite literally operating on a half bottle of warm water; a collective maybe half hr of #actual sleep / more like a powernap; and three m.ilano cookies. i am the tired.#my hc tag refuses to show and at this point i cannot be arsed to hunt if down to copypaste basdfhj #but yeah. again. late night ramblings. take with a grain of salt in case i have to come back and fix some of it when i can actually #function a little better after some actual sleep.#ill put some warning tags on. but if theres others that need to be added just shoot me an Im to let me know.#violence mention /#murder mention /#[ mf ] ── * 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. { maria. }

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glitchdollmemoria · 1 year

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on the one hand i completely understand that the handful of assorted punk events in my area need money to function. i get it, i really do. but on the other hand where the fuck am i supposed to go as someone who literally cannot afford to spend anything more than i absolutely need to for survival? part of why im drawn to the punk subculture is because its a subculture full of other poor disenfranchised anticapitalists but it fucking sucks that even among the other poors im still not able to afford entry to their spaces.

again, this isnt me blaming people for needing money to be able to host events, or blaming musicians for deserving money for what they do. this is me blaming capitalism for putting human interaction behind a paywall. this is me blaming the people in charge for making it impossible for me to spend time with other people outside of work and online communities. if motherfuckers would stop hoarding wealth and let the rest of us have enough to not only thrive, but survive, then i could actually afford to support others in the community i want to be a part of, i could afford to make friends in my area and go have some damn fun. but i literally fucking cannot. i cannot afford social interaction.

and thats not even to mention how my disabilities factor into this - i cant drive, i cant walk far, i get extremely physically exhausted for weeks just from a little bit of overexertion. if i could afford a ridesharing service, so i could easily transport myself and my wheelchair, then it would be ten thousand times easier to go out and enjoy myself without putting myself in danger. if i could know for sure that venues were accessible, i wouldnt have to worry about exhausting myself just from trying to exist in those places. if being multiply disabled didnt make it so fucking difficult to support myself financially, if there were proper social safety nets in place instead of an SSA that refuses to respond to my attempts to just get help applying for supplementary income, if i werent treated as a broken worthless cog in the machine of profit, then i could fucking exist in peace and go out and have fun so much more easily, even with all the obstacles my disabilities bring me. but none of that is the case.

something something, capitalism and ableism go hand in hand, something something, i hate feeling like im on the outskirts even in fringe subcultures. yeah. sure. thats the moral of this post i guess

#ok to reblog #vent #anticapitalism #anti capitalism #cripplepunk #cpunk #i dont have the confidence to put this in any other punk tags so <3 lol #anyway i think the only way i can remedy this is by continuing to turn to online communities and DIYing the shit out of everything #with literally whatever the hell i have on hand #fuck yall im cutting the sleeves off my shirts and repainting old button pins #and making spikes out of bottle tabs or whatever to put on my mobility aids

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csmeaner · 2 years

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700206595849715712 i do wanna bitch about this so im sorry if this is long. But personal T.O.S is useless when it comes to character designs; Character designs could only really work if it falls under copyright, which in return that means it has to be a one of a kind ordeal. Think Micky Mouse. However when you create shit like adopts, you are selling away a character to someone else. They have full rights to that and imo dont need YOUR permission to use the character for what they want. (tbc)

post related

c) with that in mind, its stupid for Saunt to say its fine to make fan made chows (which make ZERO sense) but god forbid if you take one of their designs, and idk make a au or even turn them into a different species. You cant control that. A HUGE key issue with the game that Saunt wants to make; it would be imo impossible. CS games couldnt work. Why? ARPG is fun, when its just prompts. But thats just it. Next part will have it because it may be too long; (tbc)

c) ARPG are Art Roleplaying Games, correct? Think DND in a way. You create art to gain specie currency, or if in this case, correct me if wrong, to progress in a story. How the fuck is that going to really work? Another issue is that with RPG's a popular thing is character customization. You can instantly tell how thats a issue with CS. Saunt made a point that they know this and want to avoid it, but how exactly are you GOING to avoid this? you would need to put in SO many different (tbc)

c) types/forms of customization, that its so stupid to try and do it. Yea, it can be done, or better yet it can be like this one shitty mobile game where you simply draw a stick guy and he interacts with whatever else you draw, but all in all of my lack-luster and bare reading of what Saunt posted, and in general, dont try to make your CS into a video game. Specially when over years and years you lock designs and traits behind MONEY. Keep it just "make art and gain xyz" (final tbc)

c) the point im getting at, is that CS to Game is stupid, costs so much, and takes so much time. Its hard to really try and figure out how to properly make CS a game, without it literally just turning into something like Animal Jam. The last thing i want to mention, is that personal TOS vs Copyrighted TOS is all based on morals and law. You cant stop ppl from making their charas into other species, specially if bought for hundreds, unless you copyright the entire fucking species or something.tbc

c, final), which, obviously, copyrighting the species destroys saunts "im doing you a favor" attitude. I most likely am wrong about it all, so idm being corrected, but it just urks me when people wave around "cs to game" or "you cant do xyz with my zyx design!!", because it can be confusing, difficult, or even again based on morals. remember Hyros? they tried to do the game, but dipped so fucking fast because of its expense. Sorry for the long post, mod.

basically saunt wants their cake and to eat it too but if you do it not they want they’ll fucking tattle on you and smear your name. saunt wants to rise above cs but has the same stank attitude all around that i hope they fail

#sauntproof #chowlings

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terrifickid · 6 months

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ya well I'm still fine.

Dunno, I just find it wierd timing on all these things and this strange universal jujutsu lock.

To me, it feels like the john connor scenario - where it doesn't matter what he choses he still defeats the terminators because it's fate.

Even when he tries not to defeat them because of foreknowledge of the future that he will, he would wind up subjectively realizing he must make each choice in the series of choices that lead that result - with the consequences being QUITE unexpected.

I don't feel like my thoughts are under control - but I do feel like - well for instance - premonitions - the premonitions came true - exactly, I've never had a premonition that didn't - I have feelings about things that don't exactly pan out and etc. but premonition experiences are few and far between - but distinct.

Having those changes my thinking.

Where do the premonitions come from?

Someone says, 'meet you at 8' - it becomes a part of your thinking about the day.

Ya trusting the premonitions or working with them directly repercussed into completely saving me from really serious problems. It's undeniable.

Think about trying to pushing magnets together - you try it as a kid over and over and you can't do it.

No it leaves me here. Writing a blog, with the unexpected occurring manifesting as the actual realities of my life and determining my relationships and practicing mindfullness mostly. Recognizing the shifting of chemical states of consciousness from various activities and that most are addictive and finding the one I'm preferring is like is the centered state. Reminds of of quitting Diary Queen.

I definitely could be worried. I definitely CAN be worried there is a werewolf right behind me about to bite. I can decide to look to check 'just in case' but the same feeling of, why worry about that? Some risks I just have to accept.

I'm not left with a choice to worry or not worry. It's like a lock - you can't move your foot there. I'm not left with the potential to believe here is a conspiracy. Nor am I left with the potential to believe anything about it. It's like falling, but on the inside.

I'm left with this odd and vague perception of 'something' is going on. I perceive people as tantrum throwing automatons incapable of connecting or listening or interacting with the outside world around them.

I'm left with all these biting realizations to chew through, coming to the conclusion that they're just paranoia and delusions. And then back to the present moment - and a very strange sense of peace and feeling comfortable with how things are going and where everything is placed and how I'm dressed and how I've changed.

I might resent it, if everything happening wasn't by my own choice. I made each of these decisions for the reasons I felt were good and no matter how hard I try to pick them apart I can't find faults with them - principally. Though I continue to learn from them.

And then here I am happier than ever.

So I can't resent it.

I'm like, 'ya but thats so dual man'.

Which is also wierd. Maybe the weirdest is that I really enjoy these disasters and it's like - ya this is where I want to be. I don't know why I would feel that way. Like feeling better after you have a difficult resolving conversation with someone.

I don't know - I was inclined to believe something miraculous was occuring, then inclined to believe I was going insane. Then inclined to believe both were occurring simultaneously.

Now I feel inclined to believe my consciousness is expanding. Or that this is what dying feels like.

Like the road of expectations. neither fears no desires occur.

Gonna get some lunch of pick up some stuff.

That's the other thing. NOBODY will deal with it. It's always just 'shut up tk, stupid kid'.

And a sense of the vileness of humans. It's such a dark indignity - looking at it I just wilt on the inside in despair of the depravity and no longer want to exist.

Well, I really have had to critically consider shit. And what's also undeniable is how much better I feel after declaring war and taking a militant posture towards these fucking barky creeps without an appointment.

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thesecretoflivereactions · 7 months

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This Episode has for some reason no subtitles. So you have to bear with me here. I hope the next one has subtitles again. (The Episode just crashed on me... great.) Anyway, in the last Episode there was an attack on some grave that has been protected and out of that grave came some weird monsters. And apparently, this was the grave of "gift-users". Which... sounds to me like, if you have powers like Kudo-san, you are actually always destined to become the same monster he is supposed to fight, if no one protects the grave properly. In any case, this person (I think its a woman, but it also could be an androgynous man) is supposed to be the heir to the throne? This persons father, the current emperor wants Kiyoka(?) dead. So I am not sure yet if we can trust his heir. (Oh, they said "his highness" so... I guess its a man. He sounds like a woman tho ^^')

At least the Episodes title got translated.

The prince gave us a prophecie. That there will be a battle and people could die. But oh well... maincharacters hardly ever die XD

Now the prince warned Kiyoka that the future for him and his fiance will be difficult for a while. But that je trusts that he can get through it - or something like that.

In the meantime, Miyo continues her "Lady lessons" with her futuer sister in law.

So... Kiyokas Sister (whos name I also can not seem to remember) asked Miyo to call her "sister" but it immedeatly gives her bad trauma-responses to use or hear the word "sister".

Mr.Bad-Guy working for the evil Emperor here, has come directly to Kiyoka, to pretend to want to work with him.

Kiyoka is barely coming home because of this incident. And I do not know, why the romance animes these days always has to keep the couples apart from each other as soon as we establish that we are in love. Its annyoing, really.

In any case... it seems like Miyo nightmare are getting worse.

Miyo is either getting sick, beeing cursed or its the lack of proper sleep, because she just collapsed in the middle of the street. Mr.Bad-Guy here thankfully catched her.

The Episode is over. Lets go to the next.

Good news! We have subtitles again and I can go back to watching this in Japanese.

With the barrier not broken, I also assume its Miyo herself who causes the nightmares. Not willingly of course. Its more like... her powers going haywire for some reason. What I don't understand is... why did it only start after she came to the Kudo-House? Did the house of her father somehow seal her powers or something?

You should! Its been like one and a half episodes without you two directly interacting with each other! Even as the viewer it feels lonely! XD

Now thats what we all needed!

That communication is the key to a happy relationship is not something people just say, it actually is true. These two have yet to learn it. She tried hard to hide things to prove that she can handle taking care of a "family" without leaning on her husband. He didn't say he knew about her struggles, because he wanted to respect her reasoning. BUT once again IF one of them had talked, this situation could have easily been prevented. And why I get Miyos reasons - not that she was right with her thought, but I get that her abuse for so many years leads her to such thoughts - I do not understand Kiyokas reasons. He loves her. He wants to help her. He wants to protect her. Why did he not say anything sooner?

I... do not know what this was. He wasn't cruel to her. He was concerned. He leashed out a bit, yes, but just out of concern. But she acted like he did something horrible to her and now he actually believes it.

What a mess...

#My happy marriage Mona Version #MhM Mona Version

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satoumafuyuss · 8 months

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Hey! This is the trans questioning person again!

To give more details I've been struggling with my attraction for ages. I stopped trying to label it at this point, but it feels very much stunted because I have to be a woman and all the relationships I'll have will be straight.

I think the closest label that would fit is aroallo but god am I unsure of everything. I've always been so extremely detached from dating culture even as a child. I see all those other women who like men but I'm only attracted to people who are gnc. I like men but imagining myself in a normal straight relationship is horribly repulsive and I'm not sure thats how it's supposed to go lol. About women, I've always thought I was bi but I think I kinda forced that label on me to explain why I felt queer.

I'm in a weird spot because I've explained this to a lot of trans people and I've got a lot of answers ranging from "this is normal cis stuff when they interact with trans people" to "this sounds really non binary".

I think the best way I can put it is that I feel like a sort of slug stuck in this body. I'm happy with it because I look great but at the same time a part feels like it's missing. I feel like I have two bodies for one person, but the other male one can't physically exist. I'm ok with being either but it feels like I'm missing out, especially attraction wise. A buddy of mine described it as the therian of gender and urgh yeah its weird.

I've definitely thought about bigender but the community doesn't really feel this way from what I see. It's more one body for 2 which you know is very fair.

Sigh yeah I've been having those thoughts for a while but I also like my status as a woman somehow. Makes me feel good when people see me as a strong/non conforming woman specifically.

Yeah I can definitely see why that would be difficult to fully understand. I think it is important to know that labels are only here to to help us and aren't concrete things and many people also go on as unlabeled (theres even a flag for it lol!). No two people who identify with a label will ever feel exactly the same as another. Experimentation may be a good idea. Like trying new pronouns or something with people you can trust and know how you feel, there's no shame and finding out its not right for you either!

also I feel you about the "imagining myself in a normal straight relationship is horribly repulsive". That's part of the reason I buried my attraction for men for so long tbh. I hated the idea of being a woman dating a man and all the societal pressures that had attached (like expectations of getting pregnant blargh). Have you ever heard of QPRs? They're fairly common in the aroallo community and maybe more so align with what you're looking for in a relationship?

Genderfluid may be closer to how you feel in this case too. being a gnc woman is also a possibility and very cool though. lol gender and sexuality is confusing 😔

#ask #nil rambles

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dumbassloveydoveybitch · 1 year

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Why don't you post in FT anymore, we miss seeing you in the server!

im not sure as to how old this ask is as i am just now seeing it, im guessing its a few years old though so my apologies for taking so long to answer it

its hard to explain but it just kind of got too big for me to keep up with, every channel usually had an active discussion going on at all times so if i needed to ask about something i would have to interrupt that, and it would usually get buried even if there wasn't an active discussion since other people talk there too so if i asked something, but then someone else asked something, the thing people see first is the later message, its understandable. but while I don't feel this was 100% the case, since I wasn't really able to keep fish at the time i started to feel that, as the server grew, that at best I was being a nuisance and at worst was causing discussions to go off track and made the whole thing more difficult for people who actually "deserved it" (not the right term but i cant figure out the right one), plus there were some other things happening that i can't remember the specifics, but that also caused me to become less able to be active in something like a discord server

as to why i didn't return later on, it just was too big, there was too much disconnect at that point that it felt daunting to jump back in, expecially since by that time i had no means of being able to keep fish

not that thats a bad thing, the more people able to access information and discuss fish keeping the better

as to if I'll ever rejoin again, I'm unsure, ive thought about getting back into fishkeeping since i do have slightly better means of doing so (a 1 gallon RO system and, actually having an income) but there still are a lot of hurdles I'd have to jump through to get to that point, mostly financial, but there's other things, things haven't exactly been great in the 5+(?) ish years since i was last active and they definitely make it difficult to justify being able to keep fish

plus, related to those issues i have gotten much worse when it comes to talking to people, i don't know if i could handle being in a server with 20 people, let alone hundreds, so if i did rejoin im not sure if i would be able to be active at all

if fish tea is even still around, i know it was a few months back but discord servers are a closed box, they're either active or not and theres no way of knowing unless you open the box (schrödinger's groupchat)

i possibly would be fine to rejoin the soaking bowl if thats still around, at least i would be able to participate a bit more since, while i don't have a pond anymore so i see far fewer frogs and toads, i still see some occasionally, not to mention its smaller size, but i am unsure, my thoughts on whether or not i should even allow myself to interact with people at all have been going back and forth for a while now, and given the nature of a discord server that uncertainty is a lot higher

#did i have an ask tag? its been years since i was active on here i cant remember but i dont think i did i never got many asks #if not then #asks

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youn9racha · 2 years

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Hidden Album

pairing: han jisung x gn!reader (well solo)

genre: smut

synopsis: tour was fun for jisung, he loved performance and satisfying hsi audience. however, not as much as how much he loves and misses you while away. and once he succumbs to his loneliness and horniness, he has to relieve himself in some way...

warning: sextape, masturbation, chan being a wise geezer, confusing pov (?), nudes,,, ig thats it

words: 1.3 k

a/n: its the way ji won over min,,, sorry seungminnie

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

Jisung lies there with his head facing up to the ceiling, one hand placed underneath his head and the other on his chest. He was in the middle of touring so—albeit excited to roam the world, see his fans and perform in front of an audience than the usual camera crew—once again he had to spend his time away from you, despite insisting that you join along him for some time. However, with conflict of work times, it proved difficult so you two resorted to video calls, but even so, due to the time zones depending on where he resides, it added another conflict on the table, but you two never slowed down from the interactions and still tried to call from time to time when both of you happened to be awake. Otherwise, texting was another solution that would solve the problem.

It was nighttime where he is staying, and unfortunately, the time when more than likely you’d be sleeping, and Jisung ended up having the room to himself for a bit meanwhile Minho goes out doing what he usually is best doing; harassing Hyunjin and Changbin. He sighs as he allowed loneliness to get the best of him, he thought for an introvert like him should cherish this alone time, but he would be dead wrong as his craving for your touch begins to increase. How your hand would roam his body, how your lips perfectly molded onto his, how his hand would squeeze the soft, plump skin of your breast, or the teeth marks you two would give each other, blinded by the loving lust you two have for each other.

He ended up catching goosebumps at the sudden vivid imagination he just had and propping himself up as he stared blankly at his growing tent, which he groans at himself in disappointment.

“Really?”

He shook his head at himself at the sight he is seeing before he looks at the door. He must get rid of the standing man in his pants before Minho comes in and starts mocking him, and who knows how long Minho would be gone. Jisung sighs in defeat as he grabbed his phone and sat himself up as he unlocked his phone.

At first, he opted to text you if you were awake, but once checking the time where you live, it was too late for you to be awake, and he didn’t want to disturb you because of his silly problem. So Jisung resorted to using plan B in the case of an emergency in which something like this would occur, going to the hidden album in his photo gallery.

This is where he would keep all your intimate pictures and videos out of the public eyes. While one would think this is unnecessary, however, when you have nosy members like Minho and Changbin then you would see why the hidden album would be used. Chan taught him all about this after he accidentally saw the racy picture of you he constantly ogles, telling him ‘how he needs to keep things to himself before anyone else snatches it away from him,’ which is a fair pearl of wisdom coming from the eldest and leader—makes you think he might have learned the hard way. But enough about diction and get on with the rubbing.

In those hidden albums are a plethora of pictures and videos, and you were in almost all of them. They’d be pictures of you either in lingerie, costumes, or nothing at all in a compromising position, videos of you teasing and touching yourself, whether it’d be by fingers or toys, but by far his favorites are the ones he’s in. It may sound narcissistic, but Jisung enjoys the sight of you getting ruined by him, just the sight of you whimpering with your mouth opened and eyes shut just because of his cock makes his eyes roll in pleasure. He thought that it would be the perfect medium to use to relieve himself.

He scrolls through the many pictures and videos, squeezing his cock from time to time among the pretty pictures you would take that he stumbles on, he ultimately opened the sex tape of you two; it was taken on the day before he was supposed to be leaving for his tour, the last time he ever gets to feel you wrapped around him. He could already cum from the thumbnail of him standing on the side as if to adjust the camera while you looked at it with your adorable face pouting. He played the video, and already he started to take his cock out of its restraints and lowered his pants as he wrapped his hands around the shaft. In the video, he could see you looking at the camera before looking back at your boyfriend as he got closer to you and instantly began kissing you. You two were bare nude and it seemed as though you were fore playing before the main intercourse based on the way he’s holding onto your tits and how desperate you sounded, and just with that sight, Jisung slowly began bobbing his hand around his hard cock.

While Jisung would love to watch the whole video and relish every moment, he got time to kill and wouldn’t want Minho to make eye contact with his tip, so he ended up skipping forward to the real stuff. He had you on all fours, at that point your hair was disheveled, out of breath, and slightly flushed, presumably from the last orgasm he had given you prior. He starts aligning himself in you before going all in as you yelped out the most porn-equivalent moan out of your mouth, which made the watcher Jisung’s cock twitch at the sound. His hand began following the pace video-Jisung was going with, which was a gradual increase of speed, and the more he sped up, the more noises you were making.

While watcher-Jisung can see himself, his eyes were mainly drawn to you, your head getting thrown back with your eyes rolled shut while mewling out his name like a mantra and your breasts flail according to speed. Watcher-Jisung groaned your name as he speeds up his stroking, sensing his precum leaking, creating a makeshift lube for his hand and now slippery shaft. The sounds of the video and him were blaring across his hotel room, it wouldn’t be surprising if anyone from outside can faintly hear the sound that was happening in Jisung’s room, but at that point, he could care less. He misses you too damn much and how much he wishes this tour would fly back quick to have you in his arms.

He speeds up his movement once more upon hearing you beg to come all over and for him spill himself all over your inside. Jisung felt himself repeat what he said in the video as he was moaning due to the pleasure.

“That’s my good baby.”

And there he began squirting out cum from the head of his cock, white knots erupting out and coating his whole pelvic area, his hand clutching as to release it all out of him. He pants, just like the couple in the video, except the only difference is that Jisung in the video got to kiss you and praise you for how well you were doing for him, while he sighs and cleans himself up. He closed the app before he could lay down and go back to the position he previously was in; except this time, he began scrolling through whatever social media he opened.

As he blindly scrolls through his Twitter, he hears the door open and sees Minho walking in with a plastic bag in his hand.

“Aye, finally you’re done, I got us some dinner,” Minho said, setting down the bag.

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Minho’s word, “what?”

“I got us dinner?”

“no, before that.”

Minho had a sneering smile as he laughed, “you think no one heard you calling out (y/n)’s name?”

Jisung’s faced turned white as his biggest fear was coming true.

“What part?”

“Uhh…the part where you called her a good baby,”

“God dammit, Minho!”

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rotshop · 3 years

Text

help girl i just woke up and im already thinking abt mag s/o again. anyway please consider ;

[ tw body horror, some brief light gore and violence ]

[ note ; reader is SLIGHTLY described. the only thing mentioned is that they have a noticeable, identifying scar on their face

hank + mag s/o

-he knew you even before the boombox incident. he doesn't even really remember how you two first met, he just remembers that you started talking to him and then just kinda kept coming back. at first he wasn't the biggest fan of you since he was 'doing just fine on his own,' but...he admittedly was already really attached to you. they've never been much of a talker and that's especially noticeable to you at that point in time but ,,, they respond enough with signing, nodding / shaking their head, or the occasional speaking that you're able to carry some conversations pretty well.

-he doesn't really. have. a lot of people in his life. you're really his only real close friend, it's kinda hard for him to fully wrap his head around it so !! they chose not to, instead focusing more-so on whatever it was you were rambling to them about that day.

-not super sure of where to put this lmao but ummm ehe . he's actually surprisingly touchy with you????? like. you've hung out at his house a few times and he just like. you'll start out sitting next to each other and you'll end up either laying with your head on their chest or vice versa . its . a little funny . you tease him about it a little and he just flicks your shoulder. also traces your scar a lot if you'll let them, they're not entirely sure why they do it, they just . like asking you about it occasionally.

-also you have scary dog privileges. they might look like any other grunt at that point but they're still tall as fuck and idk man !! something abt getting a blank stare from someone who towers over u would probably make u shut up and mind ur own damn business.

-again, he's not super good at fully recognizing / acknowledging certain thoughts and feelings of his but . yknow. he can definitely tell he at least worries about you a lot more than he would some other grunt he just met. he can definitely tell there's a reason he doesn't mind you touching him, whether by grabbing his hand to go show him something or just placing a hand on his shoulder or arm (most likely arm, again. hes tall. ). they can definitely tell there's a reason that they find themself genuinely enjoying your interactions.

-after the park thing you don't see them for a long time. everytime you try and call him the lines dead, everytime you try and ask others about him you just get choice words, all in all you're pretty much lost on the entire thing. sure, you know what happened but . it just never sits right with you. it doesn't help whenever people ask questions about them or give you wary looks because of your association, half steps back when you take one forward.

-anyway. yeah nevada goes to shit and you get magnified for the aahw. by now you just. don't really talk about hank. surprisingly, you have a little more of your old memories than the average mag !! congrats. problem is they're all foggy enough that you only really distantly decipher them. lmao. you aren't super high on the ladder but you're a pretty tough mag to beat. you're well known enough that other mags tend to hang around you when there's not much else going on. v2 mags especially think it's fun to mess around with you by jumping on your back or otherwise clinging onto you . idk man u've got like . a little family here .

-at one point or another there's an outing youre on that ends up going wrong. you get split up from the rest of your unit and are forced to hide out in some old abandoned building while you wait for backup. you're a little too injured to try and walk all the way back, a heavy gash on your side preventing you from doing too much in the moment. when you hear heavy steps on concrete you're able to give some sort of noise of relief, turning your head to look over your shoulder at whichever agent in your group had finally found you-

-you're instead met with red goggles and the end of a gun.

-any kind of relief is snatched away, you know damn well who it is by just the bit you can see in the dark alone. even standing in the shade between two windows (one of which you were sitting by, probably how they seen you in the first place- if that's the case though, it's a little weird they hadn't just shot at you through it.) you knew it was him. you're already stumblingly forcing yourself up to as much of your full height as you can manage, taking some kind of defensive position even as one of your hands ghosts over your gash. the throbbing pain of it and the feeling of blood sticking and running down your skin is enough that you can't seem to focus on the fact that he won't stop staring at your face.

-it doesn't take long before your legs seem to fail you, forcing you forward a bit as you kneel in some sort of attempt to keep upright. you're too busy hissing under your breath and screwing your eyes shut in pain as your hand covers your side to notice your company stepping forwards. you're snapped back to attention when there's a hand on your face, fingertips digging into your skin as they yank your head down a little further. you know you should be grabbing him, that you should be digging your claws into his torso and ripping him clean in half, throwing whatevers left aside and leaving. you know thats what you were told to do, what you were told they deserved anyway. yet, you aren't. instead, you're just giving some warning growl as you stare at them. you notice how the end of the gun is pointed away from you, how their touch seems to outline the mark on your face.

-"If you try and hurt me, I'll kill you." That's the only real heads up you get before he's crouching down and shoving your hand out of the way, grabbing something from his pocket to get to work on you. you don't fail to notice how little attention they're paying to you (aside from the focus on your wound, of course), that you could just rush forward and slam them into the ground if you really wanted.

-ok im skippin g ahead bc this is already way too goddamn long for hcs DEJWJCS

-anyway. it's a complicated relationship for a while. the others tend to avoid you a little but he just keeps showing up around you. they keep staring at you and just hanging around in your general area. it's not that much of an irritant if you ignore all the weird emotions and thoughts it keeps bringing to the forefront of your mind, forcing you to once again try and meddle with your memories.

-eventually he just starts walking over to you and sitting down next to you. sometimes he doesn't say anything at all, just sitting there and seeming to wait for one thing another- he never seems to find whatever that is, as he always gets up and leaves without a word at some point or another. then they start talking, its just little things at first, point-blank statements you can't say much on. sometimes they're just saying they and the other three will be gone for a bit othertimes it's some half-demand to let them look at the stitches they did on you (semi-related, he's not good at them. the stitches are pretty rough. at one point or another sanford has to redo them properly lmao)

-but then there's one particular night. they do the normal thing, come over, sit down next to you, not say a word. this time though you note how they're facing you. instead of some reminder or a demand for anything, he's pulling his ask down and asking a simple question. 'What do you remember?'

-it's a long conversation. he's talking more than he normally would by a long shot, occasionally stopping whenever his words seem to especially fail him and get stuck in his throat. you don't even really remember moving around, or even him pulling you in any way, you just know you somehow end up laying next to him with your head on his chest.

-whenever the memories do seem to click into place, it's hard. you have a lot of choice words for them yourself, months of being left alone without a word bubbling up with a vengeance, they listen to them. while some mags (such as yourself) do have the ability to speak, the san and dei don't think they've ever heard one with that much emotion in their voice. they've especially never seen a mag just break down like you do, they're both tensing up a little from their far away spot when hank's walking closer to you. instead of you lashing out or swiping at him though, you just sit there while he wraps his arms around you (as best as he can at least, it's a little difficult but he's able to get them around your neck and reach his other hand behind you well enough). you're eventually doing the same to him, though it's more so just your hands resting on their back.

-it takes a good while for proper trust to be rebuilt along with an honest, proper explanation from hank that only you're privy to. eventually though, there's enough trust that you're able to hang around him again without narrowly avoiding an argument or anything. they don't like being super affectionate or 'vulnerable' in front of the other two, so most times they prefer being in your or their room. also they're still touchy lmao, doesn't help that you're mag sized now and so they just want to hold you . its hard to explain, he's never been super affected by others heights and even when he is it's usually a negative thing for him but . for some reason . he just likes being shorter / smaller than you lol ,,,,,,,, hope you like holding them a lot bc that's what you're gonna be doing

-holy shit these are long so . i think .i am going to stop here.

#hank j wimbleton x reader #madcom x reader #madness combat x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat imagines #rot writes #hank 'jmy s/o is twice my size and could turn me into a fine wine if they really wanted to and i love them for it' wimbleton

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kanika-vargrhugr · 3 years

Text

Content warning: some discussion of gore and violent urges.

One thing that I wish was more talked about in the community is the "dark side" of alterhumanity. There seems to be this focus on being very palatable, aesthetically pleasing, or otherwise "normal", but for myself and many other alterhumans I have spoken with, this denies the freedom to talk about a whole lot of our experiences.

Animals aren't all about pretty forest pictures and fluffy ears and tails, they are also wild, instinctual, and don't care about human ideas of socially acceptable behavior.

An example from my own experiences came from a night a few months back where I just could not sleep due to my prey drive. I watched a video which included a wolf eating a lamb for one of my classes, and I just went wild. I became food aggressive towards that wolf for having the lamb instead of me. I had full jaw phantom shifts that were just itching to crunch down on bone and tendon, and lick up soupy entrails. I really did honestly whip myself into a snarling, drooling, animal feeding frenzy. I even started gnawing on my own hands during it, just to get the feeling of some flesh and bones on my teeth.

Now, obviously, thats kind of embarrassing. I felt stupid and dirty afterwards for doing something so un-human and unacceptable, but that got me thinking, am I really living my animality if I'm concerned with what is "allowed" even in my most animal moments?

I think the answer is no.

If I am spending half my time denying my "lower", for lack of a better word, animal impulses, in favor of only indulging and showing the "cool" ones, then I am denying half of what it means to be animal.

I already know I have these urges, I see them in every time I start at something small running past me, and every time I hear another animal come into my "territory", so why not discuss them?

These unflattering animal urges are a normal part of my day-to-day life. Obviously I have them under control, but letting them out or at least acknowledging them in small, productive ways, leaves me feeling more in-tune with my animality than ever. In fact, I find that pushing down the unfavorable urges may make them less frequent, but for me it means when I do get them, they are far stronger. Because of this, I like to accept and acknowledge these feelings, and indulge them in small, constructive, nonharmful ways.

To discuss this further, let's take a look at some of the more unflattering and darker traits and urges that come with me being a wolf:

- Strong predatory feelings towards things smaller than me (deer, rabbits, even small to medium dogs, etc.), especially if they are moving quickly

- A tendency to seek out and poke and prod for weaknesses in animals and people alike, stemming from wolves hunting methods

- Fear of the new and unknown to a disruptive level. Wild wolves are very cautious, and anything or anyone new or strange will be a point of both fear and curiosity. The same goes for myself.

- Destructive chewing urges, constantly, to the point I will chew and bite at my own fingers and arms when they are at their worst

- Attraction to meat, any meat. Roadkill, the raw meat in the butcher shop, the random animal carcass in the forest, it all looks like fair game to my instincts

- As an extension to the previous point, odd meat preferences/things that look appetizing to me. Raw flesh, blood, guts, cracked bones, skin and tendons, it all looks like good eating

- Food aggression and hoarding behaviors. I have the feeling whenever I get my hands on a meal, that I need to run off with as much of it as I can, and wolf(haha) it down before anyone can take it from me

- The urge to mark and defend territory. This can include howling and patrolling and other such fun things, but it also can mean making a fool of myself when others are in my home or room, subconsciously blocking them from going places with my body, grumbling and pacing to comfort myself, etc.

- Very heirachal thinking. Wolves squabble often to reaffirm who is dominant or submissive in interactions between the pack. This leaves me constantly gauging myself against others, subconsciously using physically intimidating body language, or, in cases where I deem myself the submissive one, engaging in wolflike submissive body language, which is often socially odd (lowered head, not making eye contact, etc.) since some people misunderstood when I previously posted this, I am not referring to alpha theory here, as it has been continuously disproven and I know this. I am just referring to general social dominance dynamics.

Thats all that comes to me off the top of my head, though I'm sure there are a few more. I would once again like to reiterate, that while I have urges and tendencies towards all of these behaviors, I don't act on them in any harmful way. Some have easy outlets, like participating in wrestling, buying things to chew on, or chasing things and/or people that are ok with me chasing them, and so on. Others are more difficult, but talking about them to others with similar feelings, or utilizing them in more acceptable ways always seems to help.

Well, there are my experiences, now I would like to hear yours! Feel free to talk about any odd or grotesque urges you may find your animality brings you - I would love to read about them.

#Kanika howls #animal impulses #long post #otherkin #therian #wolfkin #werewolfkin #canine therian

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probably-haven · 3 years

Text

Spoilers Galor ...... it is time.... for me to do what ive been considering for quite some time

this is my arguement... on why, whether romantically or platonically, i think you should ship or bro-ship,...... Childe.... and Albedo

HERE ME OUT I SWEAR PLEASE IT MAKES SENSE IN MY HEAD- JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE! rarepair shipping is painful- join me

OR DONT EVEN IF YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE THE SHIP A CHANCE I DO A LOT OF ANALYSIS ON ALBEDO AND CHILDE’S CHARACTERS INDIVIDUALLY, AS WELL AS THE FATUI, THEYRE METHODS, AND THE RELATION WITH MONDSTADT- AND OTHER STUFF- just- if you like reading different analysis-es of the game or ship material or anything-

please just consider skimming it possibly-

so for the first section of my argument, i will cover why this is a largely feasible possibility, so let’s set the stage

- Childe is from Snezhnaya, and he is shown to have a large amount of ties to his home, including but not limited to; his family, ice fishing, and just a large number of nostalgic references in his voice lines.

- Because of this it’s a pretty common occurrence that he finds himself feeling homesick, as with many of the other Fatui.

- This is why he, like many of the other Fatui, so frequently visit and camp within Dragonspine, where the cold snowy atmosphere serves to remind them of home and the things they left behind.

- also in his birthday letter, it says he canonically visits Dragonspine, but explaining it this way gives it feeling

- so considering that he would be in Dragonspine relatively often, and given the large number of Fatui camps in there regardless, it’s pretty clear he’d have heard of Albedo. So onto Albedo (unfortunately i wasnt there for his event so i dont have as much fuel, but it is what it is)

- there’s a few things that need to be asked first- It’s pretty clear that Albedo must have some interaction with the Fatui given the sheer number of them that camp in Dragonspine. Evidentially, he’s still alive so the question is why? and there’s a few possible explanations for this.

- He just sneaks around a lot or avoids them (this i think is unlikely, as it would limit his actions while conducting experiments as well as the places where he’d be able to conduct them, which isn’t a big deal, but when there are other options I don’t think this is the one he’d pick) - He just pulls a traveler and kills them (i don’t think he would do this except for as a last resort, he’s rather disconnected from any sense of empathy yes, but his time is better spent elsewhere. If it comes to that, it comes to that and he will, but he wouldn’t do it as his first option) (also i dont use geo characters much so idk how good he’d be at breaking their shields in this case) - The Fatui don’t bother or attack him out of their own choice

- i think the third is the most likely, which sounds dumb but hear me out.

- something that is stressed time and time again during the mondstadt archon quest is the fact that nobody wants to increase the always present strain on diplomatic relations between Mondstadt and Snezhnaya. - Sure the Fatui do not care very much about this and have many ways to get around this. Signora attacking Venti (technically not a diplomat, and by disappearing she had plausible deniability; traveler’s words against her own, and really both traveler and Venti weren’t supposed to survive that, hence “leave no trace”), or the Fatui constantly attacking the traveler, (who’s canonically travelling alone with only Paimon, always on the move and encountering many unfamiliar dangers, not hard to clear up) - However despite this, I still believe that Albedo’s safety(and by extent that of Sucrose and Timeus) on Dragonspine is maintained by a mixture of political agreement, situational convenience, and Albedo’s own actions

- its difficult for this to work but i believe it’s the most likely answer, combining all three possibilities that i mentioned above. - Albedo is an official Knight of Favonius, so his death would cause a pretty dramatic commotion, and since he’s been in Dragonspine for as long as he has, if he was found dead outside of his lab- or suddenly disappeared, the first person to blame would be the Fatui.

- “But Flurp! what about the stuff you mentioned earlier, with Senora’s attack and the Fatui always going after the traveler?”

- context is key. The traveler is a traveler, and Venti was a necessity to achieve their goal. The traveler is also a huge threat to what they are trying to do, since the Fatui have probably heard of their accomplishments. Them attacking Venti was inevitable, no matter the strain it would cause. The fact that the traveler was there as well was merely coincidence in my opinion

- again “leave no trace” means the intent was that both the Traveller and Venti weren’t meant to survive. This is important because if the traveler disappeared, they would have vanished shortly after finishing what they had to do in mondstadt and thered be no reason to suspect anything had happened to them, just that they had moved onto Liyue.

- Venti would pose risk, but again, the pros outweighed any risk it could have posed to their relations.

- with the Fatui regularly attacking the Traveler, again, that’s easy to clear up and would be difficult to pin on the Fatui, assuming how long it would take to realize they were gone (because despite helping so many people, its still natural to assume they’ve just travelled elsewhere)

- Albedo on the other hand, is technically a legal official, because of his high rank in the knights. He is also only ever really found in Dragonspine and Mondstadt the city. And he is well familiar with the dangers of Dragonspine, so if he were to die there it would be assumed to be either at the hands of the Fatui, or one of his own experiments.

- Thus attacking him is very high risk(unlike the traveler), and since he has nothing to do with their plans, low reward(unlike Venti).

- So most likely he doesn’t needlessly interact with the Fatui, but should an experiment need to expand into the space of one of their camps, it’s likely he would need some kind of documentation to do so. At the same time, Albedo himself would also not be able to harm the Fatui who frequent the mountain. I TOOK WAY TO LONG TO EXPLAIN THAT UGGGGHHHHHHH anyways

- So set the stage, Childe is visiting Dragonspine, right? And he hears from whichever Fatui Camp he happens to stop in about the one Knight of Favonius that they keep seeing around Dragonspine, the one who just last week came to them with a stack of documents saying they would have to move their camp, it’s annoying but they have orders not to attack him.

- and then there’s Childe, who’s been living in Liyue, surrounded by people who basically fear Dragonspine as if its some kind of deadzone, and he just assumed that for anyone not from Snezhnaya, thats exactly what it was. He assumed nobody but the Fatui would dare even visit there, let alone be there as frequently as whoever this person was.

- And he’s got to be pretty important for there to be orders not to attack him, right? - cue Childe’s unique brand of curiosity, so he asks more, apparently the fellow has a geo vision, and had been spotted taking down or even just lurking by a number of Dragonspine’s dangers as though it was merely routine - cue flashback to when he first met the traveler, instantly hesitant, hostile, and potentially even afraid towards him as soon as he realized he was Fatui, even before revealing himself as a harbinger.

- so what was it about this guy that made him so convinced he could walk into a Fatui camp alone, order them around, and still walk out alive. Even Childe could admit how underhanded the Fatui were at times, their true orders could have been anything

- He’s not just going to leave now, no. So he asks more questions and figures out that they did at one point scout out his lab while the Knight was out, and give him the location. He’s a harbinger, what are they gonna say “sorry sir, can’t tell ya” no, these bitches see him with the same amount of fear they’d have for Dotorre or Scaramouche or La Signora or any of the others- you don’t just tell a harbinger “no”

- So anyways Childe decides to check it out

- in the case that Albedo’s mid experiment in his lab when this happens, he’ll probably assume it’s a Knight, since the Fatui haven’t tried anything in quite some time and would just send off a quick “I am in the middle of an experiment right now, I would prefer not to be disturbed” - and Childe would laugh at his voice because let’s be honest, he thinks of himself as a Chad and it just sounds “weak” to him, and then the scenario leads into what would happen even if he wasnt mid-experiment

and now a look into Albedo’s perspective

- let’s assume that the Knights heard about the Traveler’s role in what happened in Liyue, since it’s kind of common knowledge that Childe was the one who did it, and the traveler doesn’t exactly try to hide that he fought Childe. So considering how often the knights and the Fatui clash, and what happened with Signora, they would likely ask the traveler about it, in order to be better prepared, and for that same reason i feel like the traveler would tell them some of it.

- so in this situation, it’s likely that Albedo would recognize him and likely know an amount of his combat abilities, and the thing with the fake seals of permission/Osial, but I don’t think the Traveler would have given told any more than that

- so here’s Albedo, surrounded by Fatui camps, knowing that he knows more about this Harbinger than the other thinks he does and assuming that Childe knows more about him himself, but just how much does he know.

- it’s the first time one of the Fatui has come to his lab in- he doesn’t know how long (other than the occasional instance of a wounded member risking the encounter in a moment of desperation. He’s observed that those who wield hydro have never been present in any of these instances, and are most likely designated as healers, but he isn’t in the best position to find out.) - and the fact that the first Fatui to come to his camp(out of anything other than necessity) is a Harbinger, is certainly very off putting, as he knows that Childe most certainly has the ability to change the orders of the Fatui around him whose cooperation with him is something that he recognizes as very fragile

- and he knows it’s unlikely, in the back of his mind he keeps recalling that this specific Harbinger is the one who resurrected a dead god for the purpose of destroying a city (flashback to the famous “if I destroy Mondstadt” line) but he reminds himself that it’s highly improbable and thus illogical to jump to that conclusion, but he is nonetheless very on edge with Childe’s presence

- However, as with the rest of the Fatui, his hands are legally tied, and unless Childe moves to attack him, any move he makes would only serve to reflect on the rest of the knights

- As such neither would attack the other in this scenario, though Childe would very much want to, and Albedo would very much be prepared to. - and both of these people are very observant (Albedo in the general sense and Childe in the ‘reading body language for combat’ sense) so both of them are completely aware of that, though Albedo would probably acknowledge that it may just be a result of his own paranoia

- However, unless Childe has orders otherwise, he tends to approach interactions with a more amiable attitude, extending his hand and introducing himself as “Childe,” less flamboyant than normal, because yes he’s extra, but not an idiot, he’s not gonna say “hey girlie, hold still” when the guy obviously has his hand tensed like that, “discretely” ready to reach for whats assumed to be a weapon, a melee one based on the position, sword or polearm probably

- Albedo, isn’t really one for pleasantries though, he has a number of things he still needs to do, and he does not want this Harbinger in or nearby his camp. “I’m aware” he says, giving his full attention, so as not to be caught off guard, and to get this over as quickly as possible. “I assume you have some purpose behind this visit. I am rather busy at the moment, so i would prefer that we keep this interaction brief.”

- and Childe is a little shit who still doesn’t know how to associate violence and hostility with any kind of bad vibes so he just laughs and holds up his hands “relax relax, I’m not here on business, no need to be on edge, right?”

- But Childe has a tendency while speaking to, knowingly or unknowingly, give his words a rather ominous tone. That and the fact that Albedo is in his lab, one of few places in Dragonspine where any misfortune that might befall him could be pinned on his own experiments keeps him from letting down his guard just yet.

HOWEVER i cant do dialogue... and this isn’t technically a fanfiction so i can summarize-

- Childe is basically all like “so why the shit are you in dragonspine comrade? i thought yall hated it”

- and albedo is all “experiments and this is where my lab is, is ” but like- not key details cuz he isnt going to reveal stuff to the fatui

-and Childe basically be like “ why up here, isnt there other places,” cuz he legit doesn’t get it. He gets that his mindset isn’t the norm, so he’d assume Albedo would want to do anything to avoid Dragonspine and its dangers like what seems to be the norm for what most people hes interacted with have generally agreed

- and Albedo says some flowery words for like oh “In the pursuit of knowledge if one allows themselves to be dissuaded by potential dangers, then they will find it quite difficult to progress beyond that which is already known”

- which, is important cuz it reflects Childe’s mindset on getting stronger, so he’s like yeah, checks out, and being the extroverted shit he is, he has the guts to ask “aren’t you gonna ask why im in dragonspine?” or something because honestly he likes talking about himself, and thats a topic that doesnt have to do with the fatui so it’s an easy way to make conversation.

- and Albedo, who has by now slightly relaxed just enough to resume preparing the experiment he was preparing before Childe came in. and all passive aggressively is like “The same as the rest of the Fatui, most likely. Now if you don’t mind I do have a number of experiments to conduct and I’m afraid it can get rather dangerous, so it would be best that you take your leave now”

- and Childe gets the message that he’s essentially being told to fuck off but he’s also cheeky as shit and absolutely loves to test his luck so he’d be all “I thought you said not to be dissuaded by potential dangers” sounding all proud of himself for using the other’s words against him

- and Albedo doesn’t have time for this so he just turns back towards Childe, same tone and same face as before, and repeats “it would best that you take your leave”

- Now Childe doesn’t see this as a challenge persay, but he sees how easily it can turn into one, and speaks the two cliche words “make me”

- but Albedo is also a little shit and just turns to resume his experiment, letting out a sigh “Stay if you’d like. I didn’t consider this possibility but I may have to request my lab be made off limits to the Fatui. A shame, I didn’t plan to return to Mondstadt for quite some time”

- and Childe, he’s decently smart- and he knows a number of things, 1 the other harbingers are gonna be pissed if they find out he caused more work for them again, 2 this individual is interesting and he very much wants the opportunity to fight them in the future, and 3 he’s not involved in politics and should Albedo follow through, the Harbingers wouldn’t give 2 shits if he asked them to try and get the change reversed.

- and so he leaves, but he’ll be back

- Albedo’s threat may have given him the upper hand for now, but it also served as a challenge he wouldn’t forget. - of course it’s not really that big a deal though, just if he’s ever in Dragonspine again and there’s nothing nearby to kill, he’d keep it in mind, and hey, best case scenario he can get more information to contribute to the Fatui

OKAY

- so now that Childe is gone and Albedo is able to reflect on the interaction, at first he’s just relieved nothing bad happened

- within the following day he reflects once again, deciding that the Harbinger most likely wasn’t lying about his intentions, he truly did seem seem to merely have been curious as he had claimed

- in hindsight he also realizes that conversing with him may also allow him to confirm or deny a number of the theories he had on the Fatui, or perhaps raise more questions for him to look into that he had not yet considered... or at least it could as long as he was careful about how he asked.

- AND THUS there a few more meetings, many are purely conversational, each trying to get knowledge from the other while being fully aware that the other is trying to do the same - not the type of battle Childe is used to, and it does get boring at times, but it’s all part of the game so he persists

- and eventually, as Albedo recognizes this as a regular thing, he begins enlisting Childe’s help in a number of experiments. Just figuring that since he’s doing an experiment and Childe is there regardless, it’s the most efficient option. That and it keeps the more dangerous questions to a minimum, often redirecting the questions towards alchemy, a much safer topic that he does not need to step so carefully around in order to discuss.

- There comes a point where Childe decides to point out the fact that Albedo most often has him help out with combat-requiring aspects of his experiments, and questions why

- Albedo, figuring it was obvious, reminds him of the conversation a few visits ago, where Childe mentioned his drive to get stronger, and(to requote) said that if he didn’t feel these opponents were sufficient to increase Childe’s strength, he could always bring in a couple Oceanids to fight. He then points out afterwards that ruin guards are a bit easier to fight with a bow

- Mixed responses from Childe including but not limited to - quickly refusing in the language of hydro vision panic, followed quickly by - oh, so he’s been trying to help this whole time, to- - how the fuck would he bring Oceanids to Dragonspine, is that even possible? - followed by curiosity

- and so he brings up the point that he’s never seen Albedo fight, which is a shame. “If you can’t take them down on your own just say so, no need to make excuses.” because heck yeah he’s going to taunt him, I mean this is Childe

- which of course Albedo returns with “If you want to see me in combat, follow your own advice” because of course, by now he knows about Childe’s combat obsession, like you don’t need to know him that long to figure it out, its kind of obvious.

- but he recognizes the intention, so he finishes what he’s doing checking what he needs for his future plans before exiting the lab, Childe following behind him, eager to see his future opponent in action

- so albedo goes to a ruin guard/grader/hunter(one of those), because otherwise it’s hilichurls or abyss mages and he knows enough to be able to tell that’s not exactly the kind of opponent Childe meant, and he would prefer not to have the topic brought up again, if he knew how to avoid it.

- so Childe stands back and Albedo, who is well accustomed to having to defeat the enemies in Dragonspine in order to get components for his alchemy knows exactly how to kill this bitch cuz honestly, the number of these guys he’s probably killed for research purposes is astronomical, so it’s done rather quickly and methodically, as if just another part of routine, exactly the way that it had been described when Childe was first asking the Fatui at that one camp about the alchemist.

- And that interest/intrigue that had started in the side of Childe’s mind and grew over time into one of the reasons(tho not the main reason) that he would often go to Dragonspine... it multiplied exponentially

- cue a few more visits and a new turning point occurs

Klee

- Childe comes to visit, and upon arriving at the lab he sees a child

- cue Childe approaching again, amiable grin on is face “and who’s this young lady” - because it’s literally canon that he’s good with kids

.....

- but Klee isn’t any kid

- and Klee was there for the briefing so she has just as much information on Childe as any of the other higher ranking knights - and only that much information

- a short time later they’re cleaning up the scattered remains of what was Albedo’s last experiment, lucky that the explosion was set off near the entrance so the damage wasn’t too extensive

- “Please don’t tell Master Jean, Dodocco said he was sorry”

- Cue Childe’s “I’m not a bad guy... okay I’m kind of a bad guy” quote - “but I mean no harm, I’m a friend of Albedo’s”

- and Albedo’s standing there like when I agree to that but he wants to see how this plays out

- and I’m really unfamiliar with Klee’s characterization, but you get the point Childe is canonically god at kids, he’s gonna learn that Klee’s basically Albedo’s little sister, Klee’s gonna get attached to him and remind him of his siblings back home, Childe’s interaction with Klee is basically what gets Albedo to start actually somewhat trusting Childe as opposed to just using him from a metaphorical distance and subtly helping in ways that wouldnt really negatively impact the knights

- and now that hes no longer actively distrustful his mind is more open to actually becoming attached, as he now begin to recognize that that which he initially believed to be mere manipulation tactics was actually just... Childe being genuine, or as genuine as a person can be in their situation

OKAY OKAY OKAY NOW THAT ALL THAT IS ESTABLISHED I CAN GET INTO THE DYNAMIC

- so theres the obvious things i already mentioned, like their mutual extreme drive to improve in their respective fields that separates them from others, even within their own respective groups/organizations which already(to an extent) separate their members from most others

now lets talk about this point specifically

- both Childe and Albedo are capable of helping each other grow in their respective fields.

- two things that have the potential to cause Childe trouble and lessen his combat ability and the problems with his delusion and his foul legacy transformation

- these two things are things likely unlike anything that Albedo has been able to study before (tho delusions he might have some experience with- but it’s unlikely) and it would likely be able to expand his knowledge, were he given the opportunity to experiment them, while simultaneously helping childe improve his strength

HOWEVER

- both of them know just how fragile the relationship(whatever it is) between them is, how quickly tensions can shift and orders can change, so in order to protect both the other and themselves they both understand that actually going through with this wouldn’t truly be safe and both sides could get in trouble for it

- because no matter what they do there will always be a constantly present risk hanging over their heads, but ill come back to that

- Dragonspine - in a lot of Albedo ships, the other character has to go through the effort of going to Dragonspine, which tends to serve as an obstacle for the relationship to be overcome (exception of sucrose and... idk do people ship him with Timeus? just in case, recognizing them both as potential exceptions) - However, in the case of Childe, who legitimately enjoys coming to Dragonspine, he wouldn’t hesitate to visit Albedo - with most it becomes “wow, i haven’t seen Albedo in a while, gee, i wish he’d come down the mountain, nonetheless i am a good lover so i shall make the harsh trek to see my beloved” - with this bitch Childe tho it’s more like “oops, feelin’ homesick, Imma see how Albedo’s doing, hope he’s made progress, wonder if Klee will be there” or “Wow I haven’t seen Albedo in awhile. Finna finish up these fatui duties real quick and head over, if i say im checking on the Fatui stationed there, I dont even have to ask to go on leave” (he gets in trouble for not officially asking for a day off anyways)

-anywho, Childe is largely used to interacting with the Harbingers, who always seem to have some other secret second layered plan of sorts that he’s not always informed about (ex: him being intended to fail when he summoned Osial, but being kept in the dark about it), which conflicts with Childe’s relatively straight forward nature - Albedo also possesses the potential to be similar, however he doesn’t often see the need for such things, preferring to be frank about his goals and expectations, so unlike with his fellow harbingers, Childe knows that when Albedo tells him something or asks something of him, what he’s being told is usually exactly what actually is true/intended. And if it’s not, Albedo is the kind of person to explain that it’s something he can’t tell him, which he understands, since he has his own share of things he cant share because of his Fatui alignment.

- there is going to be an interaction where at some point Childe is rambling about his family back home, and Albedo questions him about what they look like, a few days later handing him a surprisingly accurate drawing of his siblings - “I did have to try to check appearance with the traveler but unfortunately they weren’t in Mondstadt, do I do hope there aren’t too many inaccuracies” - Homeboy doesn’t cry(probably) but he gets really fucking close - cue socially isolated Alchemist boy misunderstanding and trying to apologize, which Childe responds to by just hugging him- because both of these boys are touch starved and honestly they fucking need it.

- and now that Childe knows Albedo doesn’t actually have a significant boundary on physical affection, as with most Childe ships... it happens a lot

- headcanon that Childe tends to just lean/rest his head on things like a dog. - additional headcanon that Albedo tends to have a need to keep his hands busy at all times - so just cue the scene where Albedo is working on experiments as usual, Childe watching from behind with his head rested on his shoulder and Albedo just absentmindedly playing with his hair with one hand while the other continues with his work

- also talking with Albedo gives Childe a a lot of harmless fun facts and he loves rubbing it in they’re faces when he gets to correct one of the other harbingers on something because of this

- Albedo does also have a tendency to overthink things though, and Childe’s more straight forward mindset gives a new perspective that helps him work around issues more often than he would have expected

- Also Albedo’s love language is totally words of affirmation (i will die on this hill, he doesn’t even realize he does it probably). So he wouldn’t hesitate to sincerely thank or praise Childe whenever he helps or does something good. And Childe is a Fatui, most of the praise he gets is from the subordinates who admire him yes, but also lowkey highkey fear him, and especially after all of Liyue knows he summoned Osial basically, he is pretty damn starved for affirmation and praise and wouldn’t even notice just how much until Albedo gave that to him. - like Childe is over here melting into a puddle of fluff and Albedo probably wouldn’t even realize what he’s doing, he’s just stating his observations out loud

- Childe and Albedo making a pinkie promise, Childe does the little Snezhnayan chant, and Albedo’s gaze just shifts slowly towards the nearby frozen lake in intense concern

- They go ice fishing with Klee who introduces Childe to fish blasting and it’s a whole new world of possibilities now. Albedo has many regrets.

- the harbingers have all basically figured it out by now and are concerned about security but mostly they just mock him for it - the Fatui stationed in Dragonspine however, probably know because 1 they’ve seen Childe with Albedo almost every time he visits, and Childe brags about it regularly - at this point a majority of them ship it and needless to say Albedo’s risk of death via Fatui has gone down significantly, and it’s had a surprisingly positive benefit on relations between the knights and Fatui overall

- the Knights took a bit longer to catch on, since Albedo isn’t exactly in Mondstadt all that often, but it’s the city of freedom, what are they gonna do? say no? again, they are concerned about security risks, but trust Albedo to recognize what should be withheld.

- also its canon that Childe enjoys cooking, and Albedo has a line about like... let me look it up rq- It’s his “Least Favorite Food” line which talks about how he doesn’t eat at restaurants cuz he has a small appetite and doesn’t want to waste food, which is unfortunate cuz then he has to spend time making his own food - idk its kind of small but i just saw it and thought it was kind of a cute detail

- Childe is a chaotic bean and we love him for it - on the other hand Albedo is more calm and patient, able to put up with this, and realistically, he has enough experience with Klee to not accidentally put him out or down or otherwise dampen his natural personality...... it’s just when the two of them get together that Albedo experiences true fear.

- Albedo: I have an idea for an experiment but the Jean has suggested that the risk is- - Childe: you should do it! - Albedo: -that the risk is too great and has disallowed me from continuing it - Childe: Oh? well she can’t tell me not to it, now can she? - Both: *mutual gremlin noises*

anyway... im probs gonna add more to this later.... I’m just really bad at coming up with ship dynamics- so my main point in this is to get people to realize that it possible and that it could work- because there is... nearly 0 material on it- and i just think it has the potential to be so wonderful but I do not have the potential to make it that way. Like it has the potential for so many different dynamics and iconic moments and theres so many reasonable ways they could meet and just so many possibilities and im just really hoping to show the ship to more people because, y’know, it’s rare and i want them to suffer from the lack of content too, because I’m just a kind person like that.

i would have put it under a cut if i could, but i have no idea how to do that so... apologies...

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