#but if it took cis people being affected for you to care about or see transphobia

[queer-ghosts]

some of y'all really don't care about transphobia until it affects cis people

[genderqueerdykes]

i know that tme/tma are intersexist and not great terms to use and i agree. but i also see people saying that transmascs who might get clocked as transfems don’t experience real transmisogyny, it’s just misdirected so it doesn’t count. i guess that’s never made sense to me? i’m intersex so i don’t really fit anywhere within tme/tma, i experience transmisogyny and transandrophobia.

my main question is can (perisex) transmascs experience transmisogyny, or is that not a thing since it’s misdirected?

this is a fantastic question and i'm glad you took the time to ask!

the thing is: the queerphobe addressing the transmasc in a transmisogynstic matter doesn't know that person isn't a trans woman. they don't know or care how that person identifies. at all. they are treating that person in a transmisogynstic fashion becase they think they're interacting with a trans woman. queerphobes don't have like, magical laser vision that can see your true identity from the outside. in fact, they could not care less what your real identity is. what they perceive you as is the most important thing to them in that moment.

this doesn't make it suddenly not transmisogyny. femme cis gay men are also affected by transmisogyny, i don't get why people seem to wanna forget that, too. like. there are femme cis gay men that queerphobes think are trans women, all the time, and get the same slurs and threats thrown at them. like. transmisogyny affects with the person perpetuating it THINKS is a trans woman. it has NOTHING to do with how that person identifies

trans men get called dykes because the perpetrator thinks that person is a butch lesbian. the perpetrator doesn't care that that trans man isn't a butch lesbian- they're a butch lesbian to the queerphobe and that's literally all that matters to them. people think for some reason the queerphobe somehow cares about your identity, or that they can tell the difference between trans men and trans women.

they can't.

the average non queer person does not know what a trans man is. people outside of the queer community do NOT understand that people willingly transition into manhood. your average person only understands transness within the frame of a male-to-female trans woman. i know that someone who isn't a trans man won't experience this, but i have had multiple occasions in real life where i explained to someone that i am transitioning into becoming a man, that i am taking testosterone, that i primarily identify as a man now, and they still go "Ahhhhh. so you're a woman. do you still have your penis?"

i have to literally routinely explain the concept of trans manhood to most non queer people i meet because they think the only kinds of trans people are trans women.

this means that transmisogyny affects a very broad range of trans and queer people, because that is who the queerphobe thinks they are attacking. that is not ""misdirection""- the queerphobe thinks you are a trans woman, and is attacking you for being what they think is a trans woman. they are convinced they are hitting their mark. the trans man is still affected by it. even if the trans man isn't a trans woman, it's still going to affect them. it's still going to hurt them to be treated in a queerphobic manner. like i don't get why people also don't care that it's still going to hurt them even if it's "misdirected". it still sucks. it's still painful. it's still transphobia

tme and tma literally don't exist. those terms make no sense in the real world and only exist to police people's bodies. "tme" means afab and "tma" means amab to these people, that's literally all it means. it's just people recreating the sex binary yet again. it has nothing to do with how people identify. if afab trans men are FORCED to identify as "tme" and amab trans women are FORCED to identify as "tma" then you recreated the sex binary literally all over again. nobody is liberated by using these terms

[leonardalphachurch]

musing about some stuff about tucker. very loose and train of thought. mentions of sa and racism

there’s a kind of analysis i’ve always found it difficult to talk to wrt tucker is the way his story is, like… sexual assault coded? it’s an aspect of his character that’s important to me and the way i write him but you understand that it requires much more attention and care than the off the cuff meta i usually put up here. i kind of brush upon it with the whole “tucker loves to be betrayed” thing but that’s obviously much more of a lighthearted approach.

there’s the obvious connection of junior. the parallels to sexual assault there i don’t feel like i have to explain? imo i don’t think the show implies that the mechanism was literally rape but there are some jokes that brush up against it, and i know some people do interpret it as such and i don’t think they’re wrong to. especially in the case of trans tucker… we really REALLY didn’t like trans tucker as a teen for this reason lol. people would just so flippantly talk about (and make jokes about?) what was like. quite possibly the most horrifying experience we could imagine. we have less of an emotional response to it these days but we’re still not a huge fan and still hate when ppl make jokes about it. tho that’s true for cis tucker too. we just don’t like “mpreg” jokes in general lol. it’s tolerable when other trans men make them but it’s still not smth we enjoy. especially in the case of tucker being involuntary. it’s just like. i know the show makes them but at least in my opinion the main crux of the comedy there comes not from mocking tucker for being a victim or laughing at the notion of a pregnant man but by treating the fact that tucker had a horror movie plot happen to him as a completely mundane sitcom pregnancy. doc is teaching junior colors tucker is looking at minivans meanwhile he’s eating caboose in the background. i feel like that’s where the humor shines in that situation. i’m getting off topic

these thoughts really started hitting with restoration though. his treatment there is just. i wouldn’t say it’s as strongly sa-coded as the junior stuff but he’s still very much being physically violated and having his agency completely removed. it’s. guh. i’m glad we were having a watch party with our discord but that scene was fucking rough to watch. i genuinely question its inclusion with such a short run time. did we really need to see tucker being tortured there. out of all of the places you could’ve took that plot it just feels like being shocking for the sake of it. kind of off topic again but

tucker is used like. a lot. physically, the entire premise of the show is about the sim troopers being used as glorified target practice. then with crunchbite, then with sigma. the way tucker is repeatedly reduced down to just being his body. completely dehumanized. it’s not about who he is it’s about the way he can be physically used. and there are also moments where he is used for who he is, like, chorus, the blues and reds, even with the sim trooper stuff he’s specifically chosen for blood gulch bc of his personality.

and there is a conversation here about tucker being a black man and the sexualization of black men and the high amount of sexual assault done to black men. and the way that the expectations of sexuality and masculinity affect black men. and the way that tuckers body is physically used very obviously has some clear connotations when you consider his race. but that’s not really my place and even in the spaces of it i do feel qualified to comment on, it would require much MUCH more attention and care to the point where i would basically be writing like. an academic essay. like that’s the kind of thing where i’d genuinely want to be pulling up papers and writings from people more experienced than me. maybe if i ever end up making actual video essays about my rvb thoughts lol.

there’s also the way tucker has an element of hypersexuality to him. he says the temple of procreation didn’t affect him at all, which like haha funny joke but also like. not to get too tmi but we’ve struggled with hypersexuality and pgad and it isn’t. fun. and there’s his premature ejaculation. the fear of someone creeping on him during his time with kai, hell, everything about his behavior in 16. “women are like voltron church the more you hook up the better it gets” just the way he talks to women in general? it is very much sexual harassment and i am NOT excusing that even slightly but it’s also very. safe? no one’s ever going to want to sleep with him if he’s saying “bow chicka bow wow” at them. he’s able to “shoot his shot” and get a guaranteed rejection 99% of the time. so much of tuckers character reads to me as someone who is obsessed with sex but also terrified of it. and like. you could go ohh incel gooner pornbrained man afraid of real women and like. maybe that what the authorial intent with a lot of these jokes but not only do i not feel like that fits with the rest of tuckers character, i also think if you look at the rest of his arc it paints a pretty different picture.

so. i don’t know if i’m going to have tucker being a csa victim be a part of our official headcanoned backstory for him but i definitely think he has some sexual trauma he’s never unpacked. and you could have that just starting with junior but to me it feels like it starts before we even meet him.

…

also ftr i’m not validating the stuff from the origins episode lol. that was written by someone who thinks having child hitler be a camper in his show is funny i literally do not care what he has to say about tucker’s backstory. it makes NO FUCKING SENSE for tuckers early characterization anyway he’s literally. the entire joke of tuckers character in the early seasons is that he’s an inexperienced loser who can’t score because he has no game whos looking for validation by talking like he has lots of experience.

edit: thank you for all the nice words but i’m nervous about this getting too far outside of my circle of mutuals so i’m turning off reblogs for now. if you really wanna reblog it i can turn them back on for you but you have to promise to be chill okay thank you

[oingomyboingos]

the other day I was sitting with my cis dude friends around the fire and I asked them “if you woke up tomorrow with different genitals what would you do?” and a lot of them took it as if I was asking them about a change in gender. so I clarified that no no, this is body parts. you get to tell me whether that affects your gender or not, and how.

and it genuinely threw them for a loop. I got told first off “jill, i’m too drunk for this!” so I (massive little shit that I am) asked them again tonight while sober. and their responses were interesting.

one guy started asking if the government would know about the changes that happened to him. would he have issues proving he was who he said he was. would he need to get his gender marker changed on his ID. I said again “i don’t know. do you think having a vagina would change your gender? would you want to publically go thru those changes in a legal way? would this be a private thing or not?” he kinda got stuck. he said he’d want tits to see what being a woman was like with the full package. I again asked him “if it’s about seeing yourself in the mirror, then I have a bra upstairs we can put on and stuff. you’re not talking about your inner sense of self and how that connects to how you look.”

I don’t think he got what I was saying.

another one of the guys got stuck on the idea of periods. he has a fear of blood and said it would be really traumatic for him. I agreed that yeah it can be traumatic. periods were so traumatic for me I got on meds to stop them altogether. we didn’t get to talk more about if that would change his sense of self, but he did I think engage with the idea of dysphoria and like gender affirming heath care by bringing that up.

the last friend was most interested in how this would change things for him socially. he asked if it meant he’d get free drinks at the bar from people trying to hit on him. I said, I don’t know, what kind of bar are you at? what kind of people are you dating? are you dressing femme? masc? he didn’t really know. we went “bro do u want us to buy you a drink next time? drink from the homies??” and he said yeahhhh 🥺 lol.

I have no real commentary here other than it’s interesting how infrequently cis people think about their gender and what makes them feel the way they do about themselves.

i guess i’m (in a roundabout way) trying to get them to explain what masculinity means to them, because it’s something I have the hardest time connecting to as a genderfluid afab person.

anyway. idk. any suggestions for further questions to ask my cis dude friends? lmk in the comments

[black-salt-cage]

sorry it took me a while to come back, the replies are right, and i didnt use any specific labels because its a super wide range of people and labels, i asked because you said radqueer DNI and sometimes people will include anyone who has a trans identity outside of gender in that- regardless of if we're radqueer or not. I wanted to make some stimboards with these gifs, i wouldnt have asked otherwise, im really sorry for the confusion. I have that like, "autism made me super scared of being misunderstood" issue. i know i shouldnt ask otherwise i was just worried because of that because radqueer doesnt really have a solid definition and sometimes people include things that arent inherently radqueer. i have race dysphoria myself and consider myself trace (lots of us dont use the term transrace because of the problems it raised with 'transracial adoptee' so it gets shortened together to trace, tracial, etc.) and im more than aware that my like, life. is controversial. same with my transpecies friends. sorry for asking, i really wasnt going to, and i get no pleasure from asking these, im sorry if it seems i was trying to start anything. im just really used to violent hate so i get nervous/

okay, I'm gonna try and word this as nicely but firmly as possible. If someone gets upset at my response to this so be it, but know I wish to make myself nonaggressive but transparent in what I have to say. I'll be putting this under the cut because this pertains to discourse, and if you don't want to see it just skip this ask.

If you identify yourself as radqueer or consider yourself as part of the community then I do not want your interaction. Despite what you may believe, I have seen far too many radqueers show glowing support of maps, aams, zoos, and other such things that I find despicable to support. To any radqueer identifying person that reads this and thinks I'm wrong, you have a right to disagree with me. Maybe you don't support things like pedophilia and zoophilia, but too many radqueers do, and I find that the community itself provides a safe space to such things as the basis of it's beliefs. I'm not sure if you are saying you consider yourself radqueer anon but if you do, I'd like to politely ask you not to engage with us or our content as I don't feel we have any productive words to exchange with one another. That goes for anyone who's radqueer.

For therians or transspecies or whatever anyone calls themselves that may apply to such a category, that is something that I can't say I exactly relate to, but like most things people do with their own lives that doesn't have any effect on anything or anyone other than the person themself, I don't really care what you do.

Now. Here's the part I don't think you're going to like. I'm gonna tell y'all something about myself.

I am white. 100% white. This system is within a white body. I have not and will never experience any form of racism, cultural appropriation, or what have you that could ever affect my life in any negative way whatsoever. What I AM is transgender, and have openly identified as such for more or less a decade at this point. I also live in an area that does not take too kindly to trans people and have had slurs thrown at me in broad daylight out in public because I was very clearly not a cis woman. To quote what you said in your last ask:

"its just there's a lot of misinfo and regurgitated transphobia surrounding the topic, and im no stranger to helping educate and clear away misconceptions, im sure as a profic blogger youre familiar with situations like that."

I find it offensive and, frankly, insulting, that the topic of trace, or transracial, or whatever you wish to call it, would be considered a marginalized group that would fall under the topic of "transphobia". My reality is that I have people in my every day life who weaponize my gender identity against me. I'm sure you hear comments online that aren't very nice. hell, I'm sure you've heard some very mean and nasty ones. I do not think anyone should be harassed or bullied for any reason.

But while you may not realize it, that comment in your last ask was incredibly condescending. I do not need the bigotry I face on a daily basis explained to me. I am very well aware of what it's like to deal with transphobia on a day to day basis, and I don't appreciate the implication that I'd need to be "educated" for not outright supporting something that I cannot blame people for thinking is racist.

I'm not here to tell you what to do, and I sincerely doubt at the end of the day anything I say will change your mind. In fact I anticipate that you probably don't like me one bit after answering and I can accept that. But I cannot say I support it. I'm white and I'm planting my butt in my lane where it belongs, and I have heard many poc speak out against it for incredibly good reasons, and I agree with them. I don't wish ill will on you nor do I know what your story is, your feelings are, or anything of the sort. But I am not the person to go to for validation on this.

So in case it's not clear I'll make it clear now: I don't support the concepting of transitioning to another race, regardless of whatever word you wish to call it

[nuancefem]

i just saw an endearingly old post of one of my earliest peaking takes. i was frustrated at how little the left cared about detransitioners.

i do want to reinstate that caring about detransitioners and the growing number of (non-transphobia-related) detransitions doesn't mean that all transition is done to escape something. for some, it truly is in their best interests in the end, yadda yadda. you can care about more than one issue. and this issue actually affects you too.

even for those who are explicitly transitioning to escape the patriarchal abuse on female/afab folks and gnc people, who am i to feel anything other than bittersweetness at being left behind as a gnc woman? and perhaps a faint feeling of unnervement in my own self-perception, same as when i see any other major body modification a female person does around me…?

what i truly want is happiness under the patriarchy for those traumatized by it. i want female happiness, gnc happiness. i just... worry. i worry, because you have no idea the concerning amount of detrans folks in my askbox and my DMs and my server. something is wrong. something is genuinely, truly wrong. we need to increase our speed in fighting the patriarchy, because more and more stories like my own keep piling up. this is bad news for everybody struggling under the patriarchy. it means we now have an exit door. for many, it's a necessity. for others, like myself, and many others, it was self-harm, repression, and fulfilled the never-satisfied need i have to surgically alter my face because i know i'd have it easier mentally and socially. it sucks when it's just a fact of life. i know that in some countries, like korea, plastic surgery is almost a badge of womanhood and is offered as a kind-hearted gift to women and gnc people around you. what if this is the future of transition for female/afab folks and gnc individuals? what if it becomes the deliciously tempting little exit door that just glows anytime you suffer misogyny irl or online? what if those little trans jokes people make, those egg jokes, lead to more detransitioners? which not only can be traumatic, but also harm trans people in actual need of transition; the only point that usually actually reaches non-detrans people's hearts. detransition fucking sucks. dysphoria utterly blows. reverse dysphoria? it also blows. imagine thinking this will be your deliverance and bam, you're hit with waves of opposite dysphoria. imagine the light at the end of the tunnel leading to a high cliff. imagine everything you thought you ever knew about yourself was ripped away from you and you had to rebuild yourself all over again.

dysphoria can be unpredictable. but i think we can do better. education is key. cis gnc manhood & womanhood being represented in non-sexist ways in the mainstream - including assuming it means they're gay or trans - is essential. authentic trans experiences being represented in addition to those is also key. but you must understand that i am living proof that dysphoria can heal in some cases, and that dysphoria can involve social contagion. if i had been surrounded by badass masc feminists irl alongside my cool trans friends i 10000% promise you i'd have found myself way sooner, and probably never transitioned or gotten reverse dysphoria. and i wouldn't have needed to trigger any uncomfortable feelings in trans friends when i detransitioned. it would've been better for everyone. but first and foremost for me, someone struggling with a severe dysphoric disorder that took over my life for 13+ years. marginalized folks need to handle these issues in complex, gentle ways. we aren't approaching these things the right way. we so easily celebrate people who only just start questioning being lgbt. we lock them into an identity, like my online trans friends unconsciously did with me, by not making every lgbt (or non-lgbt gnc) choice seem equally valid and wonderful. we take them at their most mentally vulnerable and we don't handle it with enough sensitivity and tact. we need more proper, healthy lgbt & gnc community support. this cannot keep happening. something needs to change, and it needs to change fast.

[yourunholyeditor]

Can I have Bg3 male romancible companion matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Class: I usually play magic based classes (wizard, sorcerer, warlock, bard) but i also think it would be fun if you assigned me a class :)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

What I would like in a partner: just someone to love and respect me im not too picky

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy this!

Class: Cleric

Explanation: You’re protective over those you care about and like to be a part of something bigger than yourself. I can see you worshipping Lathander given your creativity and empathetic nature. Plus, I think you’d look gorgeous in gold from your description of yourself!

Match: Gale

Explanation: I think your moral alignment pairs well with Gale’s, but you’d keep him grounded from ascending to godhood and that’s a good thing. He’s definitely a talker, but he also loves physical (and incorporeal) affections. Your tendency to put others’ needs above your own would have you at odds with him, as he tends to do the same thing. Having a partner willing to give as much as you do might cause some problems at times, but I think you two will just end up constantly doing the most for one another. His knowledge complements your own, so you don’t need to worry about stepping on one another’s toes much when discussing each other’s interests. I think he would fall for you during one of your protective moments, just in awe of your gave turning from one of caring towards your party members to malice towards your enemies. In short, your strong moral compass and devotion to a cause complement his ambitious nature and pursuit of power. Together, you two are a powerhouse of magic!

Fic below the cut

You didn’t specify what rating you wanted for a short fic, so I decided to write a fic with a T rating. I took some liberties with BG3/DND rules for the sake of keeping this a short drabble.

Drabble word count: 424

Dawn's Embrace

As the sun rose, you could feel the gentle touch of Lathander’s grace upon your face. The tieflings had all set off for Moonrise Towers as your party slept by the dim flickering campfire. You gazed upon Gale’s peaceful face, admiring his relaxed expression that graced his features as he slept. You began to wonder what he might be dreaming about, if anything at all. 

Glancing around at your companions, you ensured they were still asleep before laying back down on your bedroll, making sure to face Gale. Before you were able to weigh the ethics of what you were about to do, you whispered a short incantation and entered Gale’s mind. It took a moment to adjust to the image that replaced the campfire; a tower by the sea, enveloped in the scent of old tomes, fresh bread, and flickering candles.

There, amidst the comforting embrace of literature and magic, you found an unexpected scene. Gale lay behind you, a book resting in his hand, his other nestled over the midsection of your dream-self. As he spoke softly to your dream counterpart, a golden light emanated from her fingertips: a mending spell. Though a torn page had just been fixed before him, his attention seemed not fixated on the book, but on your dream self. She caught his eye and gently brought a hand up to cup his cheek before kissing him. He immediately set the book down on the table next to him and gave her his full attention, allowing her just enough room to fully turn and straddle his waist and deepen the kiss. 

Your concentration quickly broke at the unexpected turn of events and you were back at the campfire, staring at a blushing Gale. Sensing the warmth creeping into your own cheeks, you hastily rose, seeking solace in the cool embrace of the nearby river. Just as you were about to leave, you noticed Astarion watching you from his tent, a knowing smirk directed towards you. You mentally cursed at yourself, you completely forgot about the pale vampire’s latenight hunting activities when you checked the camp earlier.

 “My, my, someone’s being naughty, aren’t they?” He teased. You looked away from him, knowing he could probably hear your heartbeat. “Just need to get some air,” you managed to say. “Lathander’s little servant, all flushed. I’d say it was cute if you weren’t blushing over Gale” he said, making his distaste evident. You ignored him as you passed his tent, hoping to cool off your heated feelings in the cold river. You'd contemplate your feelings about the wizard later, hopefully with a much clearer head.

[lovelymindescape]

Haikyuu male matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

hey luv , here's your matchup, hope you like it

I Ship you with

Sugawara

you two first meet in the halls of Karasuno , you were running late and hurried to class

he stepped out of the classroom to get chalk

you bumped into eachother and at first you two thought it was just this one incident

but you started seeing eachother in the breaks , at first little waves which turned into handshakes and talks which turned into hugs and being friends

now suga is someone who takes care of a lot of people , so it's nice for him that you started caring for him (because let's be honest he puts himself at the very last place of caring )

and so it goes a long time , caring for eachother , you come over to his Home or he comes to yours

but one time , when you were meeting up, something seemed of about him , it was like he was holding back

it didn't take long for you to notice , so when you started talking to him about it he opened up to you quickly

turns out someone told him, he was to bothering for the members and said they found it annoying how he was always spinning around them like a helicopter Mom

so you reassured him that he is a great Person and that its a good trait to be caring

after your little speech to motivate him , he blurted something Out which you didn't understand at first but then he repeated it " your special to me and i think i like you as more than just a good friend"

at first you didn't believe the words that came out of him but soon told him that you thought the Same was about him

you both decided that you take it slow, and not call it anything yet , so you were basically friends with kisses

then one time when he took you out for a date he asked you to be his girlfriend offically and you said yes

so from now on you were the highschool-sweethearts in karasuno

you met up even more than before and watched movies and always cuddled up to eachother

always checking up on eachother over texts with things like have you eaten today and drank enough water and make sure to take care of yourself

you two call almost every night to fall asleep in eachothers presences

you come to his games and support him

your the reason he keeps goin so you Always motivate and reassured him and ist's also the other was around

all in all it's a very comforting , reassuring and motivating relationship

So that was it for your matchup , i hope you liked it and i would appreciate Feedback , so i know If i can do any better

Luv ya 🌷

[shytastemakerthing]

Hello can i have a romantic twisted wonderland matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body type black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks (i also wear glasses now but only 50% of the time cause im still getting used to it)

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence sassy sarcastic soft spoken

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime cartoons music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who dont take others into consideration people i care about not caring for themselves not being listened to math and math tests weird holes and patterns

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection if they’re comfortable with it

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection

Extra: i pace a lot i talk to myself i sing when im alone and im a picky eater

Thank u

Hello! Thank you so much for your ask and for your patience! While looking this over, I has to really think about who to match you up with because I had so many ideas and who to match you up with but I finally managed to find who I think would be best!!

I match you with.......

Idia Shroud

🎮 Okay, it took me a while to finally decide and each idea took me right back to our believed firey haired, introverted housewarden, and for good reason.

🎮 90% of your personality corresponds with his own and from that alone has both of you corresponding rather well with one another.

🎮 Now, it took a good amount of time before the relationship even started between the two of you, also because of your personalities. It took a lot of movie nights, anime marathons, all night game nights, and even a little bit of talking here and there between all of that, and with a good help and push from Ortho, he managed to confess and yes, his hair was a furious shade of pink both during and after the confession.

🎮 Afterwards? Once in this relationship with you, knowing you for as long as he had, and growing more and more comfortable around you, you certainly begint k see his more confident side, how his ego soars when he defeats a rather hard boss or how you greatly compliment his skills. He will soak all that up like a freaking sponge.

🎮 He has his own bouts of low self esteem (who are we kidding, he has them basically 24/7), but he will not stand seeing you with such low self esteem. How do you not see just how wonderfully amazing you are?! You are basically the limited edition, once in a lifetime UR pull and he managed to be the one to call you his! He didn't even think he was one of the options! This is where he likes to help you out......

🎮 Physical affection isn't his strong suit, it really isn't, but when time self esteem gets bad enough, he will push right on through thay, trying to be exactly what you need in moments like this. It starts off simple, his fingers gently latching onto yours, and if you don't show signs of pulling away, that's when he pulls you close to him, so your basically enveloped in his tall frame. Both of your personal favorite is now when you're drawing in his usual hoodie, laying in his bed, and snuggled under the warm covers while watching an anime or watching him play a game.

🎮 As for him? Anything you give him is treated as if it were the most precious thing in the world (it is) and he has grown all but addicted to your touch and when not anyone anyone else and in the comfort of his room or yours, he will actively seek it out (it's honestly like watching a cat leaning into you for affection and it's beyonf adorable).

🎮 It literally says in his bio that this man loves sweets. That they are his favorite food (not exactly food, but okay), so expect him to have a stash located literally anywhere and everywhere. Even in your dorm room, he now keeps a stash.

🎮 Overall, it took a lot of time to actually get into a relationship with him but it really was all worth it in the end. He loves you, and he wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

[asleepinawell]

this is exactly the sort of question i'm happy to answer. I included a readmore since it got long but I tried to include all the stuff I would want to know in advance

there's obviously going to be differences to all of this depending on what country you live in and what state if you're in the US. i live somewhere with better insurance coverage laws than many places, and the company i work for has made a point of letting us know it's covered by our work insurance. so i'm very lucky on that front and not everyone is. I would recommend looking up the laws where you live so you can tell if anyone is lying to you and denying you coverage/access they're legally required to provide

here's an outline of everything i had to do:

1 - I started out by talking to my regular doctor. I had recently switched to a doctor who listed lgbtq health in her specialties. If you possibly can I would highly recommend trying to find a doctor you feel comfortable with. It can be kind of stressful to switch but it was a huge help for me both for this and that my new doctor helped me with a lot of other health problems my previous doctor hadn't

2 - My regular doctor gave me a referral to a surgeon (plastic surgeon). The referral isn't strictly necessary for me with my insurance, but I felt better getting a referral from a doctor I trusted. If you can't do this, depending on your insurance (if you're in the US at least), you can probably look up available surgeons on your insurance company webpage and take a look at their specialties (you can also potentially see doctor reviews online though i find that people only leave reviews if they're mad about something so it's not always helpful)

3 - I met with the surgeon's assistant who went over all the things I'd need to take care of including having a breast exam, getting clearance from a psychologist/social worker, planning to take medical leave from work, having someone to drive me to and from surgery and help me for the next few weeks. The surgery doctors submitted the claim approval to insurance for me. They also had some initial questions about do I have reference photos, do I want nipple grafts, do I want nipple size reduced. These are good things to think about before you go

4 - The insurance company rejected my claim, which they legally can't. They made a whole fuss about codes etc and in the end the surgery board at my doctor's had to make a meeting with them and hash it out. They took care of this and got it sorted out eventually but it was stressful

5 - I contacted my local lgbtq resource group to get a psychological approval letter for surgery (you should also be able to get this from your psychologist if you have one who you talk to about this). This is a service a lot of groups like this provide for free. It was an interesting experience and a little strange.

They were after some very specific information to establish that I had dysphoria (see the following paragraphs for my thoughts on this), that I was mentally capable of making the decision (bullshit but required), and then the part that I'd say is actually a good thing to have which was making sure I understood how being visibly trans might affect my job/relationships and making sure I had a support system of some kind. They sent me a letter that I sent to my doctor to submit with the insurance coverage claim

They also insistently asked me if I identified as trans, which is a really odd question for me to get. I'm agender and while agender technically falls under both trans (as an umbrella term) and non-binary, I only use agender for myself and only begrudgingly. I don't want a damned gender identity label, that's the whole point! But that's not really what they're interested in and saying "I'm agender" didn't cut it for them. They just want to check the not-cis box so they can write their letter I think. Annoying but whatever

To go into the dysphoria thing a bit, something I ran into multiple times was doctors being astounded that I was not seeing a psychologist for gender dysphoria. This was very unusual based on their experiences. I'm a case where I do have dysphoria but it wasn't causing me crippling depression or anything, it was just constant lowkey discomfort that I didn't know the source of for a long time. Once I knew what it was I was like ah okay makes sense and started thinking about top surgery. I didn't feel the need to discuss it with a doctor because there wasn't anything to discuss. My focus was more on how happy the idea of having surgery made me rather than currently feeling bad about myself. There was a lowkey attitude of why would someone do this if they didn't hate themself??? from a bunch of people. They weren't knowingly being transphobic and no one ever questioned if I should get surgery, it was more a total inability for these particular cis people to comprehend my situation. I mostly found it mildly amusing

6 - Breast exam stuff. I'm including a bunch of details because this part was a little scary. I'm still a little young to be getting a regular one so it was a new experience for me. Nothing terrible but they're gonna smush your boobs in a medical thing to take pictures. They also took reference pictures. Hopefully they don't find anything. In my case there were a couple of what they call "complicated cysts" which meant I needed an ultrasound. In my case it was like a less than 1% chance they were anything bad (they're fairly common) and they gave me the option of either having another ultrasound before surgery or having a biopsy taken. They recommended the former but i went with the latter because I was like I'd rather not have anxiety about this and just know asap. That process involves getting a HUGE needle stuck in your boob (you are pretty numbed up so after the numbing shot you don't feel it) and they take some samples. That all came back normal so I was cleared. Not everyone will have to deal with all that, but it's worth knowing you might have to do some of it

7 - Talked to my brother and asked him to come stay with me for 2 weeks post surgery. It's very very good to have someone stay with you for at least that long. Even a couple days if you can manage it. You're going to feel really fucked up after and not be able to lift your arms or open jars or pick things up (I think it starts at nothing 10lbs or over). I was mostly okay on my own after 2 weeks but had to have someone help me carry a heavy box once

8 - Got surgery scheduled. I had to find a time when my brother could come stay with me and had to wait about 3 months for it to all work out.

9 - A slew of pre-surgery appointments where I talked to the surgeon and got reference photos taken (topless pictures basically) and was told what to expect during and after.

10 - Attempted to figure out the labyrinthine process of getting medical leave approved at my job. This is another one that will obviously vary but oof. Definitely look into this early if you have to do it. I took a month off work. I'd recommend at least that much if you can swing it. They say 2 weeks minimum but I was really grateful for the extra time

11 - You'll have to do some pre-surgery prep. Nothing crazy. Use a body wash the night before and morning of. Don't eat/drink after midnight (most meds okay though)

12 - Got surgery. You will have to talk to ten million doctors on the day of. There are the ones doing the mega numbing stuff, the anesthesiologists, the breathing tube guys, the actual surgeon…it was a parade

13 - I was not in much pain for about 24 hours after surgery and then it kind of hit all at once (I'm guessing stuff wore off). They'll give you oxycodon or something similar which will really help. They'll also give you anitibiotics which made me nauseated and miserable. I stuck to rice for a few days because food looked gross. You may also look kinda gross. Like random lines drawn on you, skin discoloration from medical stuff, random pieces of tape. It's like damn I went through an Experience huh

14 - Post-Surgery care. You'll have a compression vest over the bandages. It's not that comfortable. They may tell you that you can use a binder instead if you have one. The bandages and tape started itching like crazy after a week (my skin hates medical tape).

You'll also have 1-2 wound drains in which look like little plastic grenades. You empty them twice a day and record how much blood/goop comes out (they should give you instructions for this). They come out after 2-3 weeks depending on how much the wounds are still draining. I think it was 3-4 weeks that the bandages came off as well. I still had to wear the compressions vest for 6 weeks total.

Like I mentioned in my other post, getting the bandages off was a bit shocking. Had to process the change for a bit and my mood was all over. More than anything else I think that's what I would have liked to have been prepared for in advance. Like, I completely freaked out for 20 minutes and then was a little weirded out for a day or two and then was completely fine and I'm now super happy. But it was a big holy fuck moment

It's likely you won't be able to shower until the bandages are off/drains are out. I get cranky if I can't wash my hair so I worked it out by putting a raincoat on and carefully washing my hair under the tub faucet (sink might work too but my sink sucks). Better than nothing

Also you have to sleep on your back for a good long while. I'm a stomach sleeper so this was hell for me to adjust to. I'm only just able to go back to sleeping on my stomach now and it's still a little uncomfortable (rapidly improving though)

15 - Got the rest of the stitches out. You have to rub aquaphor or something similar on the wounds twice a day to help them heal. Around 6 weeks they also recommend using silicon strips to help with scarring

I think that's most of it. It was definitely A Lot, but it was stretched out over 7 months at least.

[knownbyanothername]

there really is like..... an epidemic of older 'qerky' white women abusing younger afabs and telling them it's part of feminism to let them be abused

(putting this under a read more bc of abuse mentions and some slightly more... i guess it turned into a vent? but more in the sense that i started thinking about things. tell me if more warnings r needed)

and to clarify (I'm gonna put that I'm also white and afab so everyone knows where i stand) I'm also well aware that people like this also tend to be horribly transphobic towards transfemmes. and the reason why i say white women is because it's....usually 'cis white woman who thinks by pure virtue as a woman they can like do anything and get away w it because they refuse to acknowledge their own privilege'

but the reason i bring that all up is bc i just remember this... weird as fuck writing professor i had that was basically 'quirky white woman' and was just on purpose extremely bizzare and abrasive because when asked she was 'being the professor she wishes she had' when in reality from my end it made it difficult to go to class and at worst made me absolutely terrified of her

i think of both publishing professors i had who acted as if all writers were dumb babies who needed ~o great publishers~ to make sure they didn't publish anything STUPID or UNMARKETABLE

i think of the business 101 professor i had who put all of us under extraneous circumstances and then justified it with 'well i had to meet my group at 3am so you can too' and acted as if she did some great job of shaping me up when in reality that single class burnt me out so bad it affected my whole college career and just taught me 'no matter how hard you work or how much you cry or beg for help, no one will care or see it so don't try that hard it's not worth it'

i think of the fact that even in college the worst isolation I've felt is from other women

i think about the women's space i emailed asking for an interview for a class project who couldn't even be assed to get my (essentially now deadname) correct when responding to me and talked down to me implying i was wasting their time. i never entered that 'women's space' once during my entire college career, both mortified and realizing i wasn't welcome

no one took the abuse i had suffered seriously because it was from a 'poor old lady' who i was expected to just support like a martyr until she died or i did something to myself. i was taught not to exist.

i think about the fact that every women who i confided in about my abuse in my hometown excused it in some way or another

i think about the fact that it's been mostly other women who essentially defined me as a 'failed girl', even my own parent, and bared me from traditional feminine things that i now finally feel like i can enjoy. it's a miracle i even got an autism diagnosis considering the (female) person i spoke to advised i 'likely don't have adhd' because of the fact i masked and had so many systems, essentially. i was ignored because i wasn't fun quirky, i was 'we're going to act as if you're a failure of an adult but no one will reach out to show you how to do anything'. the response i got from every group i interacted with, implicitly, (of women) was just 'get away from me you fucking freak' without saying that.

all the worst abuse I've suffered, in one way or another, has been from another afab. repeatedly, a circle of time that contorted me to other people.

i think about the fact that i fucking hate most lesbian circles because of how violatile they are, desperate to find the 'imposter' among them, that they make being an asshole their main personality trait.

so when i look at colleen i look at someone i know that at one point my college could have defended. i see one of my many FEMALE professors who decided 'quirky' equated to 'funny emotional abuse'. older women who I've seen repeatedly decide 'i can scold you for not being an adult to my standards but as the matriach I've earned the right to act like a child'

it's a miracle i graduated. well i did, but at the cost of any personhood of mine.

[seaoflcve]

the taste of salt. blowing your hair out of your eyes. never settling anywhere. laughter that carries. making friends wherever you go. wearing your heart on your sleeve. cutting through the rings of a six-pack yoke. a hermit crab with a soda can shell. the shimmer of sunlight on the ocean waves. sea glass and driftwood. a bewitching voice, echoing off the rocks. long summer nights. an air of mystery. handmade gifts. an easy smile. affection given freely. speaking your mind.

statistics.

full name:  elio nickname(s):  lio, el name meaning:  sun age:  twenty-nine date of birth:  july 25th star sign:  leo place of birth:  the gem sea current location:  thistleberry valley, ferngill republic gender:  cis-male pronouns:  he/him sexual orientation:  pansexual species: merfolk occupation:  musician, traveller, environmental activist, litter-picker n/a family:  seferino (father), aurelia (mother), a significant number of siblings education level:  self-educated living arrangements:  crashing with a friend in town financial status:  destitute by human standards spoken languages:  english, spanish

biography.

All merfolk are different, of course, but Elio's family is fairly unconventional by human standards. His mother and father are nomads, and weren't committed to each other in the way that human parents typically are, their meetings left instead to fate - as a consequence Elio has several siblings and half siblings, most of whom he's never even met.

His mother took care of him for the first few years of his life, until he was deemed capable enough to set out into the world alone. Independence is considered paramount to a merperson's survival, especially with the way things are now.

Elio isn't particularly close with either of his parents, but they are on good terms, and he's always pleased to see them when their paths cross.

A free spirit, Elio has travelled all over the world in the course of his short life, but he always returns to the coast around the Ferngill Republic. He exists happily between two worlds - land and sea.

He came to Thistleberry Valley for the first time when he was about eight years old, exploring the village in the guise of a tourist - he quickly made himself scarce when questions arose about where his parents were, moving onto the next town and starting the process over.

Independent as he is, Elio loves making friends, and can boast a great many of them up and down the country. Keeping his true nature secret means that there are precious few people that really know him, but he has a way of integrating himself into the places he visits, even if he's only there for a short while.

The older he's gotten, the more he's started to notice the declining state of the world around him, and is desperately trying to turn the tide. He has a particular loathing for the Joja Corporation, who are responsible for so much of the pollution that's steadily destroying his home, and is fairly vocal in his distaste for their presence in Thistleberry.

He tries to keep things light, but Elio is very concerned about the future of his people. If nature falls, magic will vanish, and the merfolk will disappear with it.

other things.

being a merman, elio doesn’t have a last name. it doesn’t come up that often, but on the rare occasion somebody asks, he tells them it’s ‘corriente’.

elio learnt to whittle from henry leung. the pair met when elio was only a child, and though they never discussed it, he suspects that mr leung might have guessed at his true nature.

when it comes to technology, he’s a total luddite. he’s noticed more and more people carrying portable phones in the towns he visits, but doesn’t understand the impulse.

in case it wasn’t obvious, he’s very passionate about the environment, and ocean conservation in particular. you can often find him doing a one-man beach clean-up.

elio has a tattoo of a manta ray on the right side of his ribcage.

although elio is capable of glamouring humans through song, he has to actively choose to do so (and never makes the decision lightly). even without magic he has a beautiful voice, and he loves to sing more than anything. if there's an open mic night, you can count on his attendance, and sometimes he can be found busking on the boardwalk.

if elio considers you a friend, he will make you a bracelet. he whittles the beads himself, and it takes a lot of time and effort.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

While it is problematic to see events based only on our experiences even more the ones related to prejudice I'll admit that England prohibition of the Scottish gender affirmative laws scares me on way more than it's transphobia and opression towards the scotish people. It makes me think that if England isn't afraid of imposing their will on a country that on papper they consider their equal how do they react towards the people and countries they don't. That on my case means would England do an U.S similar move and help stabelish dictatorships on latin america if we did something that they considered against their values or that somehow affected their control? But on a general case it goes to ask about their relationship with India or how the goverment as whole treats imigrantes specially people of color and muslins (mostly muslins of color) and many more questions and fears related to racism and xenophonia.

This situation is of course about transphobia first as England doing all that to stop my fellow trans people from having measures that could drasticslly improve their life is a clear act of hate against us (and I don't know even how to conceptualize it, Brazil is if not the one of the countries with the higher rate of trans people being killed for our gender identity, we have few representation and transitioning while legal is quasi impossible even people who support trans rights outside the comunity are mostly either uninformed or do unintencional casual transphobia (for instance when I still identifield as nb and not trans a dear normally supportive friend wished me happy woman's day), the idea of having this bill is something out of a fairy tale to me and it likely was for older scottish trans people and to finally see this fairy tale becaming reality and by popular vote as well showing that your society is learning and caring only to have it took from you must be the worst feeling ever). I'm not trying to disminish this fact or put trans issues in second place. But there is no fight if we aren't all on it and it's important to understand how systemic those prejudices are. It's important that a trans white person understand what this implies to trans non white people and to cis non white people as well. Just as it is important that cis non white people understand how this impacts the trans comunity. We need to look at all angles and stand together.

[ablinkntime]

Name: Clarice Léonie Ferguson

Nickname(s): Blink, Pinky, (from Sabretooth) Pup, Sprout, Kiddo, (from Wolverine) Shortcake, (from Rogue) Reese, Reese's Puff

Relationship Status: Verse dependent but terminally single

Gender: Cis female

Romantic Orientation: [shrug emoji] anything goes in the apocalypse (biromantic bisexual who leans more toward male romantic attraction)

Preferred Pet Names: Sweetheart, darlin'

Opinion on True Love: Believes it exists, just not for her. Some people get it, some people don't.

Opinion on Love at First Sight: If it hadn't happened for her she wouldn't believe it, and she doesn't believe she'll get it again.

How 'Romantic' are They?: Hopeless. She wants to be lovey-dovey but life's been hard and she never had the chance, so when she does get it, she soaks it up as much as she can.

Ideal Physical Traits: Tall, takes care of themselves and exercises. Other supers for sure, especially heroes. Nice butt. Blond

Ideal Personality Traits: A good sense of humor and a strong sense of justice are paramount; patience and understanding especially when she's having a bad mental health day.

Unattractive Physical Traits: Likes to think she isn't judgmental but she does prefer conventionally attractive features. That isn't to say she can't look past certain things, especially if the personality makes up for it, but she's not terribly socially educated.

Unattractive Personality Traits: Disregard for or outright hate for other people is a hard turnoff; she prefers people who are selfless, not selfish.

Ideal Date: Take her someplace that means something. Your favorite childhood hideaway, the restaurant where your parents had their first date, the place you decided you wanted to be a hero -- something like that. It doesn't have to be much.

Do They Have a Type?: She flatly denies it, but yes. (literally have you seen the panels of long hair mimic you know what they say about girls and their fathers)

Average Relationship Length: Short and ending violently.

Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: Snuggling, tucked up against someone's side with a blanket wrapped around both so she's cocooned up all warm and safe.

Commitment Level: What she wants is a kind of love that nothing can tear apart -- she's not sure if she's ever experienced that, but she has seen it modeled, and she yearns for it. She's in it for the long haul.

Opinion of Public Affection: Of two minds. On the one hand, she loves the idea of being smoochy and affectionate where everybody can be grossed out by it. On the other she fears it's tempting fate to be too overt. So she'd have to be real comfortable.

Past Relationships? All of two. The first was a whirlwind, only a few weeks, the kind of relationship she'd craved from the time she'd been rescued from the pens and started seeing the kinds of love that existed between X-Men, namely their leaders Magneto and Rogue. Ahmyor was a knight in shining armor, a freedom fighter, and she was at his side. It wasn't her fault he turned out to be an amnesiac Annihilus... and that she had to leave him to die, or become that again. The second grew from the trenches; Mimic was every bit the hero, tall and blonde and fiercely moral in his stances. He always held something back, and she knew it, but in their life they had to take whatever comfort wherever they could find it. Heartbreak after heartbreak kept them together, until fate took him away from her. O and 2. Is it any wonder she's not sure that she's the loving kind?

tagged by: @snkts tagging: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh @nightfaith you do it lmao

[ignitedfms]

[ kathryn bernardo, cis-woman, she/her ] Look who just landed! REYNA JAZMYN DIZON, I sure hope you packed all you need. Perhaps you’re not worried as a STREET RACER. The city has plenty of spots for a 28 year old HUMAN like you. You’ll be known in the city soon enough as BAKUNAWA, being TENACIOUS and RASH. ( Ven, 30, PST, removed for discretion )

00000 - - INTERVIEW INCOMING - - - 001

001101 1- - ARE you A LOCAL OF MARS OR HAVE you LANDED HERE RECENTLY? WHAT IS your OPINION OF THE CITY OF NEW JAKARTA? - 00011011

She kept her mouth shut, so there was no reason to panic. It’s not like X Academy told on her, right? Still, being around the OVERSEERS gave her the heebie-jeebies. “Yeah…” She shifted in her seat to straighten her back. Remember, self, you didn’t get charged. “Well no, but yeah, I was born here and then went off-world for a while to complete my degrees. California was nice…” She paused, pursing her lips as she thought. “The sun’s different on Earth and it’s been five years since I’ve been off-planet, so I think it’s safe to say that I don’t hate this place enough to leave.” 

It took her years to separate her feelings about her childhood from the city. Things could be complicated in NEW JAKARTA, but it had good bones. Shelter and comfort were easy to find in the shadows of New Jakartan buildings and as rough as things could be, it wasn’t always bad. However, the wounds caused by her separation from her former employer were too raw and her first gut feeling was yelling at her to find a way out. 

Lie.

“If I’m being real though,” she wasn’t, “if I had a choice, I’d go back to Earth.”

0101022 - - ARE you AWARE OF THE CRIMINAL CIRCUIT OF NEW JAKARTA? WOULD you BE WILLING TO INFORM THE OVERSEERS IF you SEE ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY? - 001200

Reyna stared blankly at the Overseer for what felt like a few minutes. She then blinked a couple of times and furrowed her brows. 

Lie. 

“Uh… No?” Street racing was dangerous, but she didn’t think it was criminal enough to be labeled a crime. At least that’s what she hoped for even if she knew she’d get put on a hot seat. “I’m a law-abiding citizen who pays her taxes on time. Wait…” Her eyes widened, feigning realization. “Is something going on around my block? I have one of those camera doorbell things.” 

Lie.

“Oh definitely.” She said one thing but meant another. “It’s my civic duty.” While the OVERSEERS seemed better poised to take on crime these days, she believed they had failed to protect her all those years ago from her father. She watched them lock away good people and ignore the bad ones, so she couldn’t see herself helping them. Doing so would feel like burning holes in her stomach. The more she thought about NEW JAKARTA, the more she wondered what kept her here. 

000111311 - - HAVE you BEEN TESTED FOR ANY TRACES OF SIGHIR? HAVE your TESTS ON THE VIRUSES COME BACK CLEAN? - 0012133

“No. I elected not to.” What was the point? “There’s no reason to since I don’t have signs of all that.” Her former employer tested her for everything given the nature of her work there, but she hadn’t paid much attention to what she was tested on. After all, what mattered most was that she was clean and her health wouldn’t affect anything. Now that she was a free bird and no longer caged by a job, she had other things to worry about and couldn't care less about updating her medical history. 

“I need some clarification though… what’s all this for anyways? Are you doing a… census thing?” She cocked a brow and of course, didn’t receive much of an answer. 

0113114 - - DO you HAVE ANYTHING TO DECLARE? WEAPONS, AUGMENTATIONS, MECHANICAL PARTS OR AI-RELATED APERTURE? - 0012444

And deny.

“No. Once had access to HEXTECH. They were supposed to be a part of my severance package since they helped me with engineering GUI and using the Hextools suite, but the separation documents had me return them.” Things hadn’t worked out between her and X so of course, they took away all the tech.

Oh right. She re-centered herself. The rest of the questions.  

As she answered earlier, she was a law-abiding citizen and law-abiding citizens had no reason nor the intent to carry around weapons. “Nope. I’ve got nothing else ‘side of that, but hey, if something’s shady is happening on my block, let me know.” She got up and walked the Overseer out of her home. “The world’s pretty crazy and maybe I can check the footage on my doorbell for you. Anyways, have a good day.”  Reyna gave them a final wave and after she shut the door, she released a sigh that she had been holding in.

[cisthehuman]

Cis Rambles: 10--The Future of Streaming~

It's not a goodbye! It's a 'See You When I See You' type of deal.

Trigger Warnings: Family Tragedy, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts (while I don't go into great detail about these thing, they are mentioned)

To explain myself and how I've been feeling, we should talk about why I started streaming in the first place.

I've said it a few times on stream, and possibly on here in a post, but I started streaming a few months after my dad suddenly passed. At that time, I was thinking 'Oh shit, we really don't have long to live. I need to do stuff I've been wanting to do before I kick the bucket too!'. At the same time, I've withdrawn from my friends a bit at the time, and I wanted streaming to be a thing to show them I'm okay and hanging in there.

And not everyone will understand the pain and energy it takes to grieve. It's been three years now and it still sucks ass, but it was even worse during those first few months when the wounds were very fresh. I don't even remember those months now as it's blocked it out of my memory. On top of navigating this new normal without my father, I went to graduate school which required even more energy and time. And to make matters even more confusing I was beginning to experience my first symptoms of PCOS which made my mental and physical health even worse.

I'm unfortunately not a stranger to poor mental health. I've considered cutting my time on this planet short enough times to know that I have to take extreme care of myself to be strong enough to fight off these thoughts. The stress of taking up some of my father's responsibilities, dealing with loss, school (which then turned into work stress when I got employed), and the ups and downs of chronic illness made me very weak to find happiness and enjoy my hobbies.

Now, don't get me wrong--streaming positively affected me during this time. I was able to do some streams with my irl friends, meet new people, and experience new stories/games that I never considered playing. The highlights was playing Our Life. The small group that amassed during that time was very fun. It made me feel lighter and brighter! And in the future when the sequel comes out, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be streaming it!

Tangent aside, while streaming was fun and did give me something new to do, I became a bit too ambitious with it. That is all on me. I started trying to make this into my third job and the two that I have take up a lot of my time. I started to bite off a bit too much than I could chew. I wanted to make a big overarching story for my streams and make all of these cool things for it...and with my limited energy I usually missed my self imposed deadlines which would make me very upset and feel even worse for myself. On top of that my lovely (but fairly cheap) set up would sometimes make streaming impossible, which added unnecessary pressure. I would think the small viewership I had would forget me, I could never get this to take off, all of this was for nothing.

That was when I realized I lost sight of what I was doing with streaming. I forgot that my original goal was just to sit around and have fun, whether no one or several people showed up. It was something I wanted to do to just relax. Instead I turned it into something I avoided.

I needed to take a step back. I took a small vacation from my job and truly sat around and did nothing. It was the first time in the last three years that I just enjoyed being alive. It was a sobering experience for me as I realized that I also haven't fully processed all of my grief and traumas. Resting also helped me get more energy to feel more present with people I care about and be more mindful of what I was doing healthwise.

This brings us to now! Streaming is going on an indefinite hiatus. There may be times where I randomly have one, but I won't stick to a particular schedule. I need more time to myself to get to a place where I'm mentally and physically able to bring streaming in as a bigger piece of my life. I've been in this place mentally before, and instead of giving myself time, I ruined things for myself and wasn't the best person to other people. That's a scar I'll keep, but I'd like to be better this time around!

So yeah! If you made it through this half planned/half stream of consciousness, thank you! Like I said, it's not a I'm completely gone type of thing. I just need to rest properly. I like putting my whole self into things, and I just don't have enough 'me' to put into this sadly. But don't worry! I'll still pop up with things! I'll still make posts on here as well!

One day, CisLunar will be back and ready to roll!