#but if it makes me actually do stuff then its whatever

[lady-wildflower]

Using AI like this is, frankly, how you train yourself to be dumb as fucking rocks and I can't believe that that's an advertised feature. Ads on TV talking about how you can use it to summarise your emails and meetings and clean up your language for corporate stuff- THOSE ARE ALL IMPORTANT SKILLS FOR YOU, THE HUMAN BEING IN THIS EQUATION, TO LEARN!

If you're having AI summarise all your big emails to you, not only do you not know for certain if it was fucking correct, you also don't know if it explained it properly and you're so intellectually lazy that you can't be arsed making sure you actually understand what you're supposed to have been told. It might somehow save time, but at the cost of both any nuance the AI didn't catch in its dataset and your own learning. And even worse, if you use it to send an email back, whoever receives that email surely expects you to have understood the actual text of their email, not whatever bullshit the AI hallucinated, when you might not have even read the AI summary very closely! Same with meetings, how the fuck can you trust an AI to properly summarise a whole fucking meeting replete with details AND WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO WHEN YOU COULD USE YOUR HUMAN BRAIN TO PAY ATTENTION AND A NOTEPAD?! Surely I cannot be the only person who realises that such AI-driven miscommunication could be literally lethal in a particularly sensitive field?

If you're using it to code, especially when you're supposed to be learning how to code, congrats you're a moron whose motivation to be in this class I question first of all, second, not only are you producing worse code, you're not learning how to use the code to problem solve! You're not learning the flexibility and critical thinking needed for actual coding, you're actively sabotaging your own learning.

Your homework and exams are meant to prove your understanding of a topic, of course your fellow student is struggling - he doesn't have an understanding of the topic. He's outsourced that to a machine!

How little can you care about a subject if you're using it to research?! How little curiosity can you possibly have?

Don't even get me started on using it to 'write.'

I fundamentally cannot understand the impulse to use AI this way, and I suspect that therein lies the problem; it stems from such a deep level of incuriosity and genuine laziness that it just doesn't make sense to me. Why would you want an AI between you and your coworkers, obfuscating their actual communications? Why would you want an AI to do all your coding for you?? Never mind if it's bad for your soul, it's bad for your mind! At that point, you're making a machine do all of your problem-solving, all of your thinking.

If someone's gonna decide to rely on such a thing like this, then them inevitably becoming a stupid motherfucker is kinda on them. It's an active choice not to learn. And that just flabbergasts me. It's a great retort to impostor syndrome though, those AI-bro fuckers are the impostors. Feel like you're not a good enough coder? I promise you you're better than the idiots using AI.

And all that's not even getting into how wrong it often is!

I just started grad school this fall after a few years away from school and man I did not realize how dire the AI/LLM situation is in universities now. In the past few weeks:

I chatted with a classmate about how it was going to be a tight timeline on a project for a programming class. He responded "Yeah, at least if we run short on time, we can just ask chatGPT to finish it for us"

One of my professors pulled up chatGPT on the screen to show us how it can sometimes do our homework problems for us and showed how she thanks it after asking it questions "in case it takes over some day."

I asked one of my TAs in a math class to explain how a piece of code he had written worked in an assignment. He looked at it for about 15 seconds then went "I don't know, ask chatGPT"

A student in my math group insisted he was right on an answer to a problem. When I asked where he got that info, he sent me a screenshot of Google gemini giving just blatantly wrong info. He still insisted he was right when I pointed this out and refused to click into any of the actual web pages.

A different student in my math class told me he pays $20 per month for the "computational" version of chatGPT, which he uses for all of his classes and PhD research. The computational version is worth it, he says, because it is wrong "less often". He uses chatGPT for all his homework and can't figure out why he's struggling on exams.

There's a lot more, but it's really making me feel crazy. Even if it was right 100% of the time, why are you paying thousands of dollars to go to school and learn if you're just going to plug everything into a computer whenever you're asked to think??

[cheesycatz]

Parasitic worm pretends to be your valentine so you don't notice that they're the reason you have 24 days left to live

Wormton AU fic is 190k words now! : )

Nothing crazy new plot wise, more bonding and found family stuff. Obligatory fluff after how much these guys had to go through. I like describing all the sounds he makes when isn't trying to suppress them; chirps, warbles, trills, chirrs, chitters, screeches, snarls, and that weird computer whirring sound he makes that may or may not have the same connotations as purring (sorry I couldn't resist)

I'm excited to go through revisions! It's been so long since I wrote some of this stuff that I don't remember the fine details, so it's genuinely fun for me to read through. Also, I had fun making disguised wormton seem as cursed as possible without actually describing his real form until post-reveal. Blue was probably the only one who didn't think he was some deranged serial killer at first sight, which, fair enough. I was kind of worried about a few very minor original characters I added not being accepted, but then I remembered that Trashy the trash can probably has more speaking lines than any one of them and it probably isn't that big of a deal. I hope you enjoy the one chapter with these three kids putting their LPS animal dolls through the most traumatizing, heart-wrenching, dark story as we all did as children (I promise it's plot relevant and contains symbolism).

Drew some non-canon wormton stuff for Valentine’s Day. I mean, I don't know how you would send a valentine to an elusive homeless man with no official documentation of his existence. The asexually reproducing computer worm guy can't feel anything romantic, but he would love to take advantage of you—gladly accept your lovely gifts. Bro’s just teasing haha he would never inject parasitic worm larvae into your abdomen just don't go to the doctor in the next 24 days please he definitely loves you and not the worms hypothetically eating your organs

“worm.vbs” is a reference to the file type used by the ILOVEYOU worm and other old malware. I only know this because I realized that one of the official spamton valentines from last year contains its exact file name “LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU.TXT.vbs”. sharing this trivia because it was like the one reference in those valentines that I didn't see anyone mention back then and because it makes me feel smart

Food for thought:

Honestly, he'd be pretty scary if it weren't for his justified fear of the antivirus forces. Malworm safety is all about avoiding disembodied voices trying to lure you into alleys, so the fact that you can physically see his relatively humanoid disguised form would make him seem dangerously trustworthy. I was thinking about what would've happened if he would've gotten help from the person on the phone (probably gaster I guess? idk). He could've totally been like a cult leader manipulating people into willingly becoming hosts because it was honorable or whatever. And that could combine with the fact that their venom slightly influences the brain. And the followers would've thought he was simply dressing up as a malworm and his fall from grace would've been when they realized he was just a malworm in disguise infecting them and prolonging the invasion. I prefer what I have now; lonely hypothetically-murderous wormton is a lot more redeemable than very-murderous cult leader wormton would be. The addisons, or anyone really, would want nothing to do with him. Fun to think about! And only to think about; I'd rather focus on the version I have now.

See you next time at the big 200k 👀 chapter 3 might actually come out before my multi-book-length spamton fanfiction but don't worry I would never abandon my favorite freak of nature

yappin complete B)

[deadbeatbirdmom]

Happy Valentine's Day my fellow RWBY fans. This should be a day focused on love. Which is why I'm going to talk about something that's been troubling me for a while. This isn't about any single post, and I'm not singling anyone out. I'd put this under a read more cut but I think it's important enough not to do that. Scroll down for TLDR and a poll.

One of the common courtesies of tumblr etiquette is: don't tag hate with things like a ship tag or character tag. Or should be common, but let's face it, it's more like uncommon.

A good chunk of tumblr users who I end up blocking are those who post hate in tags like the 'Bumbleby' tag, or 'Yang Xiao Long' tag (it'd be the 'RWBY' tag too, but I don't often go there and rarely post in it). No, it's not toxic to block people, it's how you control your tumblr experience. It's how I avoid seeing hate, or try to.

But there are some tumblr users who I don't want to block but also end up putting hate in the tags: some of my fellow fans. It's not intended the same way as those who do it out of spite, but the end result is the same: your fellow fans end up seeing stuff they might prefer not to.

There's another rule, an old one that predates tumblr: don't feed the trolls. Don't give them attention. Please delete anon hate rather than answer it, although I definitely understand how trolling trolls can be fun. Just please don't tag it with the main tags or you'll do the anon's work for them if it's hate about a ship or character.

I see all too much fan art around that gets far less engagement than posts trying to fight back against hate (and unfortunately share the hate at the same time, especially when it's something from elsewhere like reddit or twitter). If you like the art, don't only hit that heart button, reblog it too!

RWBY fandom isn't dead, but we do need to do our part to encourage artists to make and share more art. Likes alone don't help the art get in front of more fans. I don't think everyone looks in the tags to find art, some will rely on those they follow reblogging art. This goes for sharing fic too! And giving fic writers comments (and kudos on AO3).

This is an appeal to keep negativity out of the main tags. I'm not saying you can't post whatever you want, just when it comes to tagging: please spare a thought for your fellow fans who are incredibly tired of negativity. If all else fails, maybe include a tag that can be added to filters? 'Wasps' for posts about Bumbleby hate, maybe?

I don't know about anyone else, but if I wanted to see hate and get angry, I'd be on twitter or reddit. I check tags here on tumblr to find fan art, and to see fellow fans talking about how much they love RWBY and its characters and ships, and find interesting theories and analysis.

I'm also not entirely sure how tumblr works with followed tags and words mentioned in posts. Do untagged posts still show up if the word appears in the post? Does that mean breaking the word with a backslash or something to avoid it showing up? I don't know, perhaps something to consider.

TLDR: please don't feed the trolls and don't tag hate with main tags. Show RWBY fan artists and fic writers some love and reblog their posts, and comment on fics!

One last thing: a poll to find out if I'm an outlier and posting hate is actually normal in this post-twitter world.

[lucimaaie]

valentine ✧.* tlou

summary - you convince your girlfriend to celebrate valentine's day with you.

a/n - first time writing abby so bare with me, so maybe ooc abby, like 600 wc for both, was supposed to be a headcanon but turned into whatever this is, fluffiest fluff, actually edited and proofread this time, lemme know if you want me to write more for abby or headcanon-like stuff, anyway enjoy, happy valentine's!

The concept of holidays were obviously nonexistent in the midst of an apocalypse, especially Valentine’s Day. There were remnants of it in run down convenience and grocery stores—Shitty flowers left for dead and chocolate boxes rummaged in a hope for some sustenance— but nobody cared enough to set aside time to acknowledge the old holiday. They were too busy fighting to survive.

So when you brought it up, you weren’t expecting a completely receptive reaction or even a positive one. It was indeed one of those seemingly meaningless  holidays that even then people forgot about. Yet it wormed its way into your mind after recently learning about it. Imagining a day where you could just appreciate your girlfriend was no doubt sappy, but now was the chance to test out your curiosity, right?

“I just don’t get why it’s important,” Abby would say when you brought it up. Her brows furrowed as she pushed the sticks and uneven longs around in the fireplace. The fire was small but much needed to combat the cold air that seeped through the walls come night. 

Your lips pursed as you thought of a way to put it that didn’t make you sound insane. The idea very much was. There were some days when you were worried the cold would freeze your fingers off and draw away all the game, and now you were concerned with celebrating. “It’s about..love and appreciation, but not like the one with the big dinners..uh, thanksgiving? Yeah, it’s different than that.” 

“I do know what Valentine’s day is.” She commented dryly, sitting back next to you at the foot of your shared bed, wrapping her arm around you. 

“How was I supposed to know?” You poked her cheek. 

Abby swatted your hand away playfully, chuckling as she pulled her head back. “I never said I didn’t know about it. I just don’t get it.” She grabbed your hand from her cheek and intertwined your fingers. Her face soon grew serious as she took in the combined warmth of your body and the fire. How nice it felt to have someone to be so close to. “I appreciate you already.” She said genuinely.

Her words made your brain blank and your heart beat faster. Everything about this moment was making you feel like some kind of sap. 

“I don’t need flowers to show you how I feel.” Quite honestly, she wouldn’t know what to do if you presented her with flowers and a bed of rose petals, if you could even find those in the freezing winter. She wouldn’t hate it..but it sounded like too much.

“What if I just wanna give you flowers or not even flowers— If I just wanna do something special?” Your voice was quiet against the crackling of the fire, like it was a secret for just the two of you. It partly was. Only you got this softer side of Abby. You turned to look up at her, taking in the light blush on her cheeks and dilated eyes. “Just something different from every other day.”

“I..won’t stop you.” She mumbled with a bashful smile, not knowing what to do with the attention. She took in the awe in your eyes, inwardly cursing herself for letting you talk her into yet another pre-outbreak tradition “for the sake of normalcy,” Truth be told, this life with you was the closest she’d ever gotten to normalcy, not having a mission or some type of assignment. She’ll admit it drove her crazy at first: That need to commit every day to something other than surviving. But you helped. 

“Good,” You pressed your lips against hers softly, both hands cupping her jaw, smiling as you took in her satisfied hum. “Cause you couldn’t have anyway.” 

“I—shut up. This better be worth your hassling,” She grabbed your jaw when you pulled away, swiping her thumb against the apple of your cheek. Her hair fell over her shoulder and created some type of curtain around your faces. “Ugh, you did it again.” She groaned, glancing down at your lips. “C’mere.”

Bringing it up to Ellie on the other hand send her into an internal frenzy. You’d have talked about it in a feigned off handed manner, laying on the edge of her bed as you watched her doodle mindlessly. “The stupid holiday with the chocolates and cards?” She mumbled, not thinking much of it. You had probably heard about it from Maria or somebody else who was alive before the outbreak.

You chuckled in response, mentally getting ready for the jokes. “Yeah, that.”

“What about it?” Her brows furrowed as she thought about it some more. Why would you be mentioning it– Oh. “You..wanna celebrate it?” Her hand would stop, hovering over the paper as she was pulled out of her focus. How the hell would she find anything to give you in what was mostly ruins? What would you even want? 

“Do you?” You thought you were being subtle in your line of questioning but she caught the deflection.

“I asked first.” She turned around in her chair to face you, dropping her pencil and leaning forward to grab your hand from under your head. “Do you wanna celebrate Valentine’s Day? The whole love letter and rose’s thing?” She ran her fingertips over your knuckles as she spoke, using you to fidget as she often did hoping you’d just pass it off as affection. She could write you a letter--nah, she’s done that before. Or a song? She already had so many. 

“I mean, it’s not realistic, but—“ You sat and scooted off the bed  to take a seat on the edge of her desk. She immediately took to looking up at you as you tried to explain “It’d be sweet.” You blurted. The words still felt inadequate. “We already do birthdays and Christmas, but it’d just be about us. So..maybe I wanna celebrate it in our own way.”

Ellie waited for you to finish before placing a hand on your thigh, assuring you as if she wasn’t troubleshooting ideas in her head right now. It wasn’t— It was stupid, she had to admit, but it was sweet that you wanted to celebrate being together. It had taken her so long just to realize how much she liked you and then to finally tell you. She couldn’t imagine taking you for granted now. She hummed, thinking about it. “Our own way..how?” 

“Anything. We can..go to that cabin we found a few weeks ago..have alone time..I don’t know.” 

“Mm, abandoned cabin. Sounds romantic.” She said dryly, picking up her pencil to resume doodling, but the inspiration didn’t come. She found herself too distracted by ideas. So instead a messy, unorganized list of ideas made it to the paper. She inwardly rolled her eyes at how quickly she subscribed to the idea.

“You know what I mean,” 

“I’m messing with you. If you want, we can do it.” She insisted with a nonchalant downturn of her lips. The bounce of her leg gave away her true emotions: the weird mix of nervousness and excitement the thought had given her. Her mind being both her gift and curse was already ripping through the possibilities of your reactions based on what she did for you. 

“Really?” You perked up, back straightening almost comically. Ellie had tried not to laugh and the best she could do was a small smile. “You don't think I’m being sappy?”

“I absolutely think you’re being sappy.” She teased, scooting so that she was closer to you. She wrapped her arms around your waist, fidgeting fingers now preoccupied with the stray strings of your hoodie. “But I’ll go along with it because I love doing stupid things with you.” She admitted earnestly, pulling you to be closer. 

“That’s the sappiest thing you’ve ever said to me.” You wrapped your arms around her neck, fingers messing with the baby hairs at the nape of her neck. “And I love it,”

“Nope. It’s all you, you’re rubbing off on me.” 

thank you for reading!

[badassxbirdy]

She wore a grin of her own at Lance’s reaction to her childhood nosiness, but the humour in it soon drained when he reminded her of the elephant in the room.

I'm not the only one who wants to know.

Oh. She hadn’t thought of that. Far too concerned with letting the wrong thing slip to Lance, she hadn’t to considered the possibility that it would want to hear her answers too.

“It knows that it’s rude to eavesdrop, right?” She joked, giving his hand a gentle squeeze in return. “It’s okay. You ask whatever you wanna know, and I’ll be careful about which parts I answer, ‘kay?” Though now that he’d pointed out that the eavesdropper was still with them, Ty was a little torn about whether to tell him anything else at all. What was safe to say and what wasn’t, she had no idea. She also couldn’t be entirely sure how much the thing inside him would figure out on its own, or even how much of what she was thinking it could actually hear if it really wanted to. Not after the whole motel incident. Don't worry. Cambion. Your secret's safe with me. A memory that had her stomach tying up in knots.

She squashed down the uncertainty of it all as much as she could, trying to keep up the humour with another of her cheesy winks.

“Besides, you already know what my powers are. Hotness and badassery, duh. Don’t need witchcraft for that.” Powers. If that wasn’t just a whole other can of worms. A sensitive one to say the least. One best left unopened.

It was with great reluctance that she let go of his hand to continue finishing up her work on his hair, though it at least gave her a way to avoid eye contact herself while playing it off as simply focusing on her task.

“Pfft, as if I’d have let ya get away with it.” Jokes and teasing aside, his words on her friendship were truly nice to hear, bringing another little smile to her face despite the difficult subjects.

“Thought that already knowin’ he was an asshole goin’ in there would make it easier to keep my temper, y’know? But, uh, not so much. I actually felt kinda bad for security. Don’t think they went into work for the day expectin’ that to happen.” That being an angry Tyler, and the level of aggression that entailed.

She nodded, pretending not to notice the shaking. So many pretences. This was the most they’d talked about any of this stuff, the closest he’d gotten to telling her much about anything that had happened. The closest they’d gotten to so many things. As such, it was hard to know what to say, though she still had to bite her tongue to hold back those useless reassurances that were always threatening to burst forth. Kenny. The poor guy had refused to speak to her at all, but she’d got her hands on the police reports, both from when he had found Lance, and when he’d ended his life. Neither of them had been a pleasant read.

After a minute or so of letting the radio fill the silence for her, she glanced up, about to speak again, but stilled when she saw that look in his eyes. A look made all the worse by his words.

And there was that horrible feeling in her stomach again.

��Hey.” She grumbled, reaching out to give his shoulder a little squeeze this time. ”Don’t. Don’t do that.” Whether she meant speaking that way or acting on it, even Tyler wasn’t sure. Probably both. Either way, it came out a little stern, but more than anything, her tone was clearly worried. Alarmed.

I wasn't allowed. The second he heard that, there was a big grin on Lance's face, followed by a chuckle when she spoke out what he'd suspected already : no way she would've accepted that without trying to circumvent that rule.

"There she is" he even said with a big grin, honestly fond of it all. At least until things got more serious again. Growing tense when she said it. There are different ways people get that kind of power. "Tyler..." he tried but she was in full swing already which in return, prompted it to rear its metaphorical head again. Making it even more complicated and harder to speak up because it was hellbent on just listening, though eventually, he managed.

"I know that I'm the one who asked about the witch thing" he said with a strained sigh, having somewhat of a tough time keeping in control. "And don't get me wrong, I appreciate the insight and would love to know more about the inner workings of that coven and your powers. But I'm not the only one who wants to know. If you get what I mean" he went on through gritted teeth, rolling his eyes a bit when he heard it fucking chuckle because of his objection.

This was when he decided to reach out for her hand to squeeze it a bit. Not just to let her know that he still appreciated it, appreciated her, but also to ground himself, keep himself focused and on top of things.

"So best keep it vague."

It took Lance just a little bit, but in the end, things were calming down again as thankfully, it was done with its teasing already, still had no real interest in her. Thus the focus shifted back on his story, and even though that wasn't exactly an easier topic, it was the lesser evil, he supposed.

"Indeed. The guy has always been an asshole. Even before all that. Should've known that would happen" he growled a bit, though it mostly ended in a disgusted snort and shake of his head.

Lance's face fell when she told him about all the things she'd done and thought, swallowing thickly and looking away, though the ghosting got a sad little chuckle out of him.

"Chances of that happening would've been very high" he confessed, but shook his head and looked back at her. "But that wouldn't have been about you at all. You didn't do anything wrong. You were a good friend" he told her firmly, albeit bitterly. "You are, I mean."

He took a deep breath, followed by a slow exhale as he let everything settle.

"He found me" Lance told her after a while of struggling with the memories still, voice and hands shaking a bit again. "The caretaker. He felt really fucking guilty" he went on, very familiar with that feeling now. "He killed himself not long after that."

Lance swallowed thickly, the guilt overwhelming by now, but he knew it was no use starting a pity party. After all, unlike everyone else in this fucked up tale, he was still alive. Hadn't been murdered or driven to suicide. Yeah, no. He was fucking peachy in comparison. He shook his head some more, so....angry, frustrated, sad. All that loss. Senseless. Useless. Preventable.

Hazel eyes suddenly zeroed in on her. Sharp. Piercing, almost. Darker than what she was probably used to from him. But there was just something about this. Thrown out. He felt so very endeared by the effort she had put into it of course, that she had not just done some research, but gone to LA to demand answers. Still. It was easy enough to give in to the rage he felt over the treatment she'd been given in return.

"Trust me, I've got more than just a punch in store for the guy. He'll get what he deserves. And the fun part is that he doesn't even know it yet. But he will." he growled, not at all bothering to hide just what that could mean.

[cern1cal0]

modern au

[xxplastic-cubexx]

graph

bonus:

[icewindandboringhorror]

On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

[deoidesign]

Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between

[sonknuxadow]

LOVE LOSES !!!!!!!!!!!!

[delicatepointofview]

gonna have to deal with people missing the point of louis singing 1d songs in festivals... don't get me started on the other covers

[mueritos]

trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.

i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.

it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!

i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.

i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.

oh well

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[froschli96]

You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)

remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?

and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)

also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)

altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???

oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)

they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))

and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!

(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)

with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!

and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)

and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))

but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.

god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?

basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.

because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!

it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.

like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.

like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.

the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)

like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.

so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[sluckythewizard]

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'