#but if I don't at least I did my favourite

[cupcakedieabetes]

Yeah, that's what I thought. It's all his survival that his mindset is that everyone is still strictly fictional that he ends up disregarding most of them. "Everyone is still book characters including him" is still his mindset.

But he doesn't really think that he's a canon fodder. Imo, he thinks his role as SQQ is a canon fodder.

I meant SY disregards GYX's death is that other than that, there's no actual mentions of GYX anymore bc he ends up so hyperfocused on his survival after bc of TLJ, ZZL, and LBH, that his existence just got erased. He treated GYX exactly like a canon fodder, 'Death that you'll get outraged at first, but soon get over it'

I remember this part exactly bc I was ranting to my mom (she reads it) about it like "Huh??? Did they just kill him off and he's never mentioned again?? Why did they have to kill him off like that?"

Also, the part where SQH says that they've changed, like, wouldn't students change a bit if your teacher (who is incredibly strict and does corporal punishment on you harshly) changed? This is an era where corporal punishment still exists, but bc LBH is the protag, of course he needs more extra.

I've always thought that bc there's little to no pressure on them anymore, there's no point in being little villain canon fodders anymore.

I mean, I was the same before bc during elementary school, I hated everything and was bitter and stuff bc the teachers full on had favouritism that they hated other students other than them. They say right to the student's face on how stupid we were. They often smack us, too.

Then, the students, there were groupie bullies everywhere, they would steal and beat up each other. I mean, we were 10 ish and violent bc the teachers don't give a shit about us. And bc it was a school from kindergarten to high school, there were some high schoolers beating elementary students too.

But I moved school, and the teachers were nicer, and thus the students were a lot calmer. I still didn't learn shit at all in this school so I got tutoring, but I was calmer.

I guess experience just makes me think differently about that part. They're not on guard anymore so they're not "bitter and full of resentment"

Edit: I reread that part, and it seems that "the flock of disciples" are just NYY, MF and LBH. Does he only have 3 of those disciples?

Its mentioned that they have disciple brothers, but they're once more vague bc they're a bunch of canon fodders

More edit: It wasn't bc the teachers were nice. Im saying that they were nicer in a sense that they don't hit students or call us stupid. They're nicer in a sense that they left us alone.

LBH being a scapegoat in SV is bc all the disciples are directing the punishment on him bc they don't want to be hit instead, which is common back in my school too. Direct the punishment onto someone else that the teacher doesn't like already in the first place.

Once SQQ stops hating, there wasn't any point in directing those punishment onto LBH bc there's no punishment at all anymore and they're all left alone.

They're left alone, and they don't have to fear any punishments at all. Their guards are down.

And to the sense that they'd defend him, of course they'd defend him. He's not that SQQ and changed. He's a nicer version of SQQ after all.

And to say that SY thinks of himself as SQQ. Yeah, that's bc he has to live an entire different life as him. He has to be SQQ or be punished by his system. But he also often curses SQQ as being an abuser and a lecher, completely separating them, until after the revelation. This dude absolutely has to be SQQ even if he isn't SQQ. It's all assimilated acting. You cannot get out of the role no matter how much you do.

He could at least break out of the OOC function, letting SQQ be more of himself, but it still isn't himself at all. He still has to act as SQQ to the expectation of others.

The only time he isn't SQQ is when he's Peerless Cucumber and you could see him going back to the SQQ act in front of others except SQH.

So yeah, that's what I meant as SQQ is a role and not himself.

Love that shen yuan is such a beloved and caring adult figure for the Qing Jing kids, Wei wuxian sacrificed so much to give Wen Yuan some semblance of a childhood, then you have xie lian who's like oh fuck right the kid. The ghost kid im taking care of. Forgot about that we should find him

[mediocrelanguagelearner]

Time spent on languages in 2024

It's time for my classic summary of the previous year.

2024 was my first full year free of uni, just working, doing household chores and my hobbies. Which you can see in my stats, I spent a lot of time on languages and I'm very happy with how much time I dedicated to them this year. Of course, time doesn't mean I've learned much or advanced in them, most of it is just me watching something or reading. But tracking the time motivates me.

In 2024 I spent (around):

181 hours on Swedish

54 hours on Spanish

126 hours on German

361 hours in total, more than in the last two years.

This graph shows how much hours I spent on each language during the year. The spike in German in July-September is me watching Maxton Hall, getting obsessed with it and reading the trilogy. The spikes in Spanish, I suppose, are me watching the series Ni una más and re-watching Gran hotel. And the Swedish spikes are, again, reading books.

My most productive months were August and December (both with around 46 hours) and the least productive was October (with around 10 hours). October was the month I broke my ankle and spent 3 weeks on sick leave. I thought I would spend loads of time on languages, but I was just too exhausted and in pain to do anything that required energy.

Watching series was always an important part of my language learning. I watched Julkalender, as always, the series Sjukt oklar and I guess some Swedish documentaries. But my absolute favourite thing I saw this year was a documentary series called Född 2010. Except for Maxton Hall, for German I watched the second season of Die Keiserin and Gestern waren wir noch Kinder.

Just like last year, I managed to read 5 Swedish and 3 German books, both of which I'm proud of.

I've continued listening to Easy German Podcast couple of times a week on my way to/from work, it's been my most listened podcast. Aside from that, I've also listened to Zehn Minuten Alltags-Wissen and a couple of episodes of Intermediate Spanish Podcast.

In spring I started the habit of going for a walk during my lunch break, talking to myself in my languages and recording myself. I think I did it mostly in Swedish because I thought nobody would understand me that way. I also had one Swedish iTalki lesson (because I was scared of speaking in Sweden), a call in German with a @tolstayas and talked to my German friend once. I also started exchanging voice messages with a fellow German learner once in a while.

Concerning writing, my only form of writing somewhat longer texts is my posts here on tumblr, but I write them mostly in Swedish. I don't think I've written something in Spanish in years. This year I found someone to practice Swedish and German with and message them once in a while, which has been nice so far.

This is time spent on individual languages compared to other years. I'm pretty satisfied. I'm glad I managed to keep my German and Swedish up, but it's my third year in a row neglecting Spanish. I want to change that, beginning with setting a goal of reading at least one Spanish book in 2025 (I haven't read a book in Spanish in years).

How do you feel about your language learning in 2024? Is there something you're proud of? Something new you found and liked? Something you wish you'd done differently or something you wish for 2025?

Time spent on languages in 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 and 2023.

[paperyowl]

Switching fandoms a little. Back to my favourite chaos duo from Teen Wolf.

Sterek. Smut.

Also on ao3

+++

"No," Stiles told him firmly. "No way. Stop it."

Derek's grin widened, but he didn't move away from the motorbike. The sleek, fancy machine that Stiles had never seen before and that he was leaning against in full gear and a dark biker jacket that looked sinful on him.

Stiles felt lightheaded because of how quickly all the blood in his body was vacating in a certain direction. He cursed, but Derek only raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. There was no way he was allowed to be this fucking hot in daylight.

"Thought you might want a ride home," Derek said, like it was completely commonplace for him to show up after Stiles's seminar looking like sex on his legs and covering to drive him home.

More than one person did a double-take when they looked at him. It was certainly not only the women. And Stiles was still frozen in place.

"You're impossible," he hissed.

"I'm pretty sure that's my line," Derek told him. He reached for the second helmet, sitting idly on the back. "Come on, let's go."

There were a lot of things that Stiles wanted to say, but he knew that Derek could fucking smell the arousal on him. So, instead of speaking, he took the helmet and got on the bike.

As soon as they were through the door, Stiles almost attacked him. But Derek caught him securely and let him dive in for filthy kisses.

"Fuck me," Stiles hissed at him when he ripped away with a wet smack. He kept pushing Derek backwards, making him tumble onto the couch with a firm push. The bed was too far. There was no way Stiles could manage that.

To his credit, Derek only chuckled for a moment, eyes almost as dark as Stiles's own doubtless were because he was close to mad with want, and that needed to go somewhere else than his dick. He was dizzy with how hard he was, how good it felt to grind down on Derek with a high whine.

Derek caught him with a hand at the back of his neck, dragging him into a kiss that would have been all teeth if it had been up to Stiles. But that didn't help any, so Stiles ripped away to attack Derek's jeans.

That finally made Derek chuckle and grab Stiles's wrists. Stiles bared his teeth at him - and he could have sworn Derek's eyes flashed icy blue for a moment. He certainly gave Stiles another grin before he pushed him back to reverse their positions.

And really, Stiles didn't care if he was on top if only Derek started doing something about this. But then Derek made to shrug off the jacket, and Stiles dug his fingers hard into the leather. Because, no.

"Keep it on," he demanded, and Derek kept grinning like he knew exactly what he was doing.

"Enjoying the view?"

"You're so hot, you fucker."

Derek laughed at that. "Yeah?"

"Yes. Shut up, and fuck me."

At least one thing was 100% true about Derek Hale: He kept his promises - and right now, he had promised to fulfil every biker boy fantasy that Stiles had ever had, even if he hadn't said it in as many words.

So he undressed Stiles, stopping only for a few heated kisses and burning touches. Derek attempted to slow them down exactly once, but Stiles was very insistent, and he knew what to threaten him with to get Derek to stop playing games.

Or maybe he just thought he did because when Derek was deep inside and working away at him in perfect long strokes that hit just right, he suddenly slowed down.

"I don't think I want this to be over yet," Derek told him, and Stiles was still struggling to comprehend the words, when Derek pulled out.

"Maybe I should just-" "Derek" "-play a little with you."

Stiles almost swallowed his tongue when Derek pushed back inside in one smooth stroke, only to withdraw all the way again. He whined.

"Come on," he pleaded. Derek chuckled.

"I think you can ask more nicely than that," Derek told him and promptly laughed when Stiles started cursing him in a breathless little burst. He hummed and kept doing his teasingly long and slow strokes.

"Please," Stiles asked. "You fucker, you hot, impossible, perfect asshole - please, please fuck-"

The rest of his words were lost as Derek groaned and went to town. Stiles would have cursed if he had any breath left to speak, but as it was, Stiles could only moan and sob when Derek took him apart.

The next time he had any words at all was when Derek settled between his legs, and there was no stickiness left between them. Only the sweet warmth of his boyfriend on top of him - the very best weighted blanket.

"Doing good?" Derek asked, full of amusement.

Perhaps Stiles didn't have words yet after all because Derek laughed before telling him firmly to go to sleep.

[angelinthefire]

Vi's journey in "Blisters and Bedrock"

Let's talk about Vi in episode 5 "Blisters and Bedrock". This is some of my favourite character development stuff for her, I really love it.

One question that the creators posed in s1 was "can you love a monster?" That was explored with Jinx and Silco. Silco embraced the monstrous. And the question of whether Vi would keep loving Jinx.

But then there's a role reversal in s2. With Vander being the monstrous one. And there's a role reversal between Jinx and Vi too.

We start with Vi at her absolute lowest. Literally in the bottom of a pit. She has no one left that she's close to. She's got Loris, but she pushes him away too.

She's directionless, and doing the one thing she knows how to do best: punch.

She's tormented by how things ended with Caitlyn, and constantly reminded of her.

She's having a crisis of identity. Dying her hair, breaking her mirror, blacking out her face tattoo, with this wide black streaks that cut across her face.

And she looks absolutely brutal.The anger in her eyes when she's fighting. The screaming. The two-headed wolf on her jacket, that recalls the creature Warwick was made out of.

This is the worst shape we've ever seen Vi in.

And then when Jinx shows up, Vi immediately jumps to the worst conclusion. And immediately starts choking Jinx. The look on her face is murderous. It’s very reminicent of Vander choking Silco.

Of course the difference with Silco is that Jinx doesn’t fight back. Even though she's absolutely capable of it. Her eyes don't get that shimmer-pink haze, she doesn't lift a finger against Vi.

Vi does relant and agree to go after Vander, but the the last shot of her emphasizes what a mess she is, covered in black, in the mirror, fractured.

Although Vi starts at a low point, her journey with Jinx continues to take her downward. They end up going to the literal rock-bottom together. And there's something almost cleansing about that - like once they get to the bottom, then they can start rebuilding.

But they have to get there first.

The next sign to Vi that she needs to reevaluated who Jinx is, is when she sees the mural of Jinx depicted heroically, with the profile of Vander overhead.

I've seen a lot of different interpretations of what Vi's reaction to the mural means, and I think she's affronted, and even hurt. She's been telling herself her sister is dead. Jinx has killed people, she killed the mother of Vi's girlfriend! And now she's being depicted as a hero? Alongside Vander no less?

And Vi responds by immediately trying to tear down this more flattering image of Jinx. She tells Jinx that their quest for Vander is just a fantasy, she takes shot at Jinx's relationship with Isha.

And Jinx doesn't take the bait! At one point, being insulted by her sister would have absolutely destroyed her. But now she turns the tables back on Vi, when Vi says, "at least they didn't have to see the psycho their daughter turned into," asking "which one?"

Not only is Vi needing to reevaluate how she sees Jinx, Jinx sees Vi in a more level-headed way as well, Vi isn't the be-all-end-all that she used to be for Jinx. Jinx knows now that she can build relationships and find acceptance elsewhere.

But Vi keeps escalating - again, she's falling back on her default, she's fighting. She drops her gauntlets, which is a challenge, but she's also dropping her armour momentarily.

And, unlike the sister's last fight, this one is scrappy and messy. It looks a lot more like siblings fighting together - even though fighting like this isn't something Vi and Powder did as kids, because Vi was always in a position of looking after Powder. But now, they can fight as equals.

And then, of course, Isha jumps in. And Vi hits her, recalling the time she struck Powder.

And we get to see Jinx being sweet with Isha, and sisterly. We also see that Isha is fine and shrugs it off, she's not like Powder, Jinx isn't protective of her in the same way that Vi was. Jinx is the big sister now, and not only that, she's doing it her own way, and it seems to be working.

What happens next is a very interesting character moment for Vi, I think. She asks Jinx why she came for her, saying "you don't actually need my help. You haven't for a long time."

Vi isn't playing the role of protector, she isn't needed. Jinx is a fully formed person, who doesn't even look up to Vi anymore. So what could Jinx possibly want with her? She feels useless.

The sisters are re-evaluating each other, but Vi has yet to be able to conceptualize how she can relate to Jinx, on this new basis.

Jinx explains that she sees this as a do-over. Which I think you could spend a lot of time unpacking, which I'm not going to do in this post. Except to say that Vi and Jinx had to go through all kinds of character growth and changes to even be able to work together as equals.

Their next scene is finding the hangout space in the mine that Vander and Silco used. We get the image of Silco's jacket hung up within Vander's jacket, evoking the kind of protective relationship that Vi and Jinx used to have, and presumably Vander and Silco.

And of course the apology letter. Jinx reads it, speaking in Vander's voice, curled up small in the chair, facing the candle light; while Vi sulks in the shadows behind her, in her two-headed hound jacket.

Jinx says that "everything might've been different" if Silco had found the letter, and while I'm not sure that's true, I think the bigger point is that Vander was willing to take the first step to patch things up with Silco, and shoulder some responsibility for what went wrong. And I think that's the thing that resonates with Vi as well, as we see her almost reach out to Jinx. But Vi isn't quite able to do that yet, she instead puts her gauntlet, her armour, back on.

But then Warwick shows up. Jinx tells her it's Vander, and Vi doesn't believe her. But she does step into the protector role again. Vi is back on familiar ground, fighting to defend the people she cares about. And it's the first sign that Vi does really still care about Jinx, that she jumps into action to defend her.

And the fight follows. These two characters that were heros in the first season, who have now been brought to their lowest point, their most violent and monstrous. As I said in my other post about this episode, Vi even looks a bit like a two-headed monster from Warwick's POV, with her gauntlets as the heads of some kind of beast, and the hexgems as their eyes.

So they fight, and then Warwick starts freaking out, torn between the scent of blood, and the recognition of his family. And Jinx begs Vi to believe her that it's Vander. And with the weight of the rest of the episode behind them, with Vi already on the threshold of being able to forgive Jinx, Vi takes that leap of faith, and listens to Jinx.

Vi stops fighting. In a way, it's the first time in the episode that she stops fighting.

And then that's when she gets her family back.

I just think that it's lovely journey for Vi. And something that was really necessary for her character, that I hadn't even thought about before - getting to a place where she could relate to Jinx as a sister, rather than as a protector (or an enemy), and being able to see herself as something other than just a fighter.

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

t4t drivers and driver! reader celebrating the new year together during the winter break. maybe a movie night with bearinelli or a different pairing?

-🛢

poly!bearnelli:

the most tangled cuddle pile ever

between ollie's long limbs, kimi's tendency to just sprawl, and you trying to not be squished, the three of you have pretty much tied yourselves into knots

which is fine, you're not planning on going anywhere until february anyway

one of you will get dysphoric at some point and the other two will get more tangled trying to give whoever is sad loads of kisses

so many hot chocolates

ollie is not allowed to have caffeine

sleepy baby bear falling asleep on you like you're a stack of tires in the haas garage

you'll try to stay up until midnight on december 31st

if you do make it, you're only awake long enough to mumble "happy new year" to each other before falling asleep

the whole next day is spent rewatching their favourite movies

at least one snowball fight happens over winter break

ollie makes very pretty snow angels

kimi is very dedicated about his snowman building

poly!loscar:

if you're used to spending new year's in snow, logan and oscar are so ready to give you a new perspective

you spend december in australia (:D) with oscar's family and then january in florida with logan's family

february has the three of you back in the uk for preseason stuff (we're pretending logan has a seat with another f1 team ok)

lots of training together

lots of post-workout cardio bc your boyfriends are very hot

they think you're unfairly hot too

if any of you get dysphoric the other two will get borderline offended on behalf of the dysphoric one

like don't talk abt my boyfriend like that. thank you.

the ridiculousness of it all cheers all three of you up

poly!simi:

more low-key i think

seb is a menace (affectionate)

you and kimi spend the whole week around new year's cuddling on the sofa

you're either watching cute movies ... or seb

i think he's very prone to bursts of hyperactivity (especially after big occasions he was very excited for) (like christmas)

eventually he'll tire himself out and collapse over your laps

kimi tells you stories about crazy things he did when he got drunk after races

you'll all swap stories about the weirdest thing that happened to you in the car

and a fair few insults for each other's teams if they've done something shitty

you all show up late to preseason testing (probably with a few hickeys each)

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

thank you for the tag @ahyperactivehero !!

stress free tags: @oddessea @nix-nihili @read-write-thrive

number of stories posted to ao3: 8! Exclusively Dead Boy Detectives and I started in August, there will be more in 2025!

word counted posted for last year: 45,885 words

fandoms i wrote for: Dead Boy Detectives

pairings: mainly payneland, but also palasaki

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads:

kudos: I'll Love You Carefully - A cursed Edwin falls from the Tower Bridge and Charles rushes to his rescue

bookmarks: also I'll Love You Carefully (something about protective!Charles just hits right)

comment threads: The Road to Ruin - Edwin gets taken to Hell for the second time but Charles is in a much much worse mental state

work i’m most proud of (and why):

it must be The Road to Ruin because I am actually proud of my characterisation of Charles and it's my first attempt at a multi chapter fic, so that alone is enough for it to have a special place in my heart. I love really getting into the Hell aspect of it all and I think the introspective nature has something to it that I previously never quite managed to capture with my writing.

work i’m least proud of (and why):

probably How Could You Think, Darling, I'd Scare So Easily? - Charles gets capture by Esther and Edwin rescues him Tam Lin style. It was the second fic I ever posted but I have to say I should've worked longer on it. It's not bad but I realised that it could've been more angsty and it feels kind of rushed when I reread it now

share or describe a favorite review you received:

it was so hard to pick just one because I love every single comment and they all make me stay motivated and want to get better. But if it's just one, then probably this one:

(sorry for all the tags btw, oddessea dear, you've been such a huge part of my journey on ao3, I cannot thank you enough!)

I think this is the one comment that genuinely made me tear up because I had been struggling with the way I wanted to write this fic and reading that it apparently worked out was just absolutely bloody wonderful

a time when writing was really, really hard:

Probably the last few weeks because I have all of these ideas but also a lot of pressure (put there by myself, mind) to have them turn out perfectly. I won't get into any details, but real life hasn't been too good either for a while now, so it's hard to get into the right mindset sometimes. But it will get better

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Crystal surprised me a lot! I adore her so much and I want to do her complexity justice and while I don't think I have posted a lot of Crystal yet, I enjoyed writing my palasaki fic Bloom Like A Flower so much because it allowed me to show that while Crystal is incredibly powerful and has been through a lot, she's still a teenager

a favourite excerpt of your writing:

I think this one stuck with me:

He pressed Charles even closer to himself, as if he wanted to embrace him fully, so as to not let any of his demons reach Charles in any way. Charles moved to brace his hands against Edwin, somewhere between resting them on his shoulders and pressing them against his collarbones. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Edwin away in desperation or pull him closer until no one could untangle them anymore. Edwin was coming undone around him and there was nothing for Charles to do to ease his pain. It was obvious that whatever Edwin was seeing, hearing, feeling, it was paranoia and not something Charles could see. How could you help someone who saw the world burning and crashing around them while you were still standing on solid ground, mere millimeters between both of your realities? - The Case of the Turning Key

how did you grow as a writer last year:

A lot, seeing as I had never written fanfic before and had been struggling with my original works for so long that calling it "writer's block" would've been a huge understatement. So just the fact that I managed to finish 7 (!) fics is already a huge accomplishment for me. Apart from that, I got better at finding the characters' voices when changing POVs.

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.)

shoutout to a few people as well!

I obviously have to thank @im-perfectly-normal-about-this for listening to my yapping about various ideas in dms and giving me feedback on my Charles characterisation! I appreciate you so much!

Also dear @oddessea for making my day with every single comment you write!

And then of course the entire DBDA Haunt server. Joining was probably the best decision I made in 2024 and all of our discussions in the writers room are so special to me.

Thank you to: @genevievefangirl, @ahyperactivehero, @read-write-thrive, @moonikabear, @dead-but-still-sarcastic, @zmorak (I'm so sorry if I forgot anyone! Y'all are all so loved!!)

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year:

definitely, little nods to things I enjoy or have done myself. I am good at projecting my own insecurities and problems onto Charles and of course the best example would be Days by the Sea - the agency goes on vacation in Scotland. That was entirely created from my wish to someday visit Scotland

any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

have fun!! When I don't pressure myself into writing and just do it for fun, I get the best results, not because they're perfect or anything, but because I genuinely enjoy working on them and then also feel good about finishing them. Having fun is already a big step

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year?

The Road to Ruin will defintely find an ending in 2025! Apart from that, I obviously have my F1 AU that I've been yapping about. A different Modern AU and then let's see what I'll come up with next 👀 I'm looking forward to this year <3

[hinamie]

bunch of portraits

[sysig]

I really like @theratpy​‘s Dr. Zo :D I like him for normal reasons don’t even worry about it don’t read into it at all haha (Patreon)

Bonus Ratticus

[governmentmandatedryujinstan420]

I FORGOT TO THROW OUT AFTER THE EPISODE RELEASED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 18: Balls (Bullet Train)

Sometimes (oftentimes) it's true that all you need are Balls. I personally absolutely love Balls. I'm a big fan! Ekhem. Today I'm using the help of (I mean, copying most of the passages from it) my earlier Balls rant that I have written down after my first listen of it back in January. I really love this album and I don't want to completely skip over saying a couple words on it at least but I really don't think I have the headspace to write anything very good for it today. I'll still try though!

So yeah, Balls. It's a great album, fun and chill (in my sense of what I call and consider chill anyway), consistent, as Sparks albums tend to be, and as I suspected / hoped it does fit this specific vibe of driving around at night somewhere city-like and illuminated. Or being on a train deep at night and looking at the world zooming by (if you'd even see much of it on a train at night anyway.....). And I do think that it's not so dissimilar to Gratsax (I'd say now that it's definitely darker and moodier than its predecessor...). So it's interesting to think about how it's considered to be one of the "weak" ones (by music reviewers at least) while Gratsax is so beloved in comparision.

I will admit, I don't really know what the big problem with this album could be. As I said, it's fun, it has the melodies, it has the energy, it has the theatricality (I like seeing how more and more orchestral instruments such as strings are being incorporated into the music, in a way the jump into Lil' Beethoven two years later doesn't come of as THAT much of a shock because of this. The evolution of sound here is fascinating!) I really like the intense beats, just as much as the more laid-back and moodier pieces. And there's lots of gold to be found in the lyrics department as always.

One more thing I wanna say is that at some point I wondered if this music sounds older than it is. Maybe it does? But then I remembered that this was 2000 and honestly when I think about it, there just IS something about this album that fits so well with the Y2K image and vibe and all. Sparks 2000 and all that.

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Balls: I mean. It's Balls.

Scheherazade: absolutely LOVE this one and I had the strangest impression of it sounding very familiar when I first heard it. Months later I found out that it was just briefly featured in TSB so I think that explains it (I will talk more about my TSB viewings on TSB day. EVERYTHING has to be explained in excruciating detail, lmao)

The Calm Before The Storm: bugsonas 4ever. Song itself is amazing too

How To Get Your Ass Kicked: how can a song about getting your ass kicked be so pleasant and relaxing, it always keeps cracking me up, how perfect that is actually

Bullet Train: I love it how introducing the topic of the song with a "It's the [topic of the song]" is a reoccurring theme on this album. Thank you Sparks for this ode to technology and art (these lyrics always have me giggling). And also it just goes hard as heck

It's Educational: a perfect fusion of / sequel to I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car and Progress (it's mostly the vocal delivery that reminds me of the latter)

The Angels: such an odd one here but I still like it a lot, I apparently said that it sounds "surprisingly mainstream for Sparks but somehow in a positive way". It's very sweet and I absolutely love how Russell sings here, it's so different from what we're used to but that only makes it hit you even more in the feels, lol. And I actually prefer the alternative version of this song that's featured as a bonus track, and I do think that's in big part because you can hear Russell better on it (or that was my first impression of it at least and it kind of stuck)

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 60 Plot Posting

Hi again, dear void. So, about those complaints I've had in regards to the pacing... and others that I've been holding off on to see how they'd be handled... this is a long and mostly negative yapfest that rambles about the chapter itself and some general writing choices.

Bad TL of Editor's note stuff:

First Page: 会議-!! [kaigi-!!], "A meeting-!!" Last Page: 征くは修羅の道...!! [yuku ha shura no michi...!!] "Leaving for battle on Asura's path...!"

Asura are the demigods who fought against the Devas in Hindu and Buddhist mythology, by-the-by. Basically, the gist is that Chihiro and the Masumi are heading out on a road fraught with carnage and strife to face an extremely powerful foe. Oh, and Hokazono-sensei clarified that the squad are indeed called "Masumi" and not "Makizumi"- the latter is a typo.

Before I rant, I got something wrong with my interpretation of the Japanese version last week. In the last panel here:

"Controlled the war" is still not the greatest way to phrase the line, but mine was way off too since I got too hung up on the literal meaning of a particular kanji (駆ける [kakeru]). The actual meaning of what John's saying there is more along the lines that Samura's an experienced war veteran, which isn't as cool but if that's the more accurate translation then so be it. Please do not ever trust my translations to be correct and I'll do a better job of relaying that I'm not to be trusted if I try to interpret something.

What the Fuck, Man

Alright, so... I'll get this out of the way. This chapter was a huge let-down for me.

It did all the necessary things but the proportion of time spent on what and the way they played out made my concerns about the fast pacing boil over. Come on, Hokazono-sensei. Slow down just a smidge to let us maintain our bonds with the characters.

Slower chapters are necessary to make it easier for the reader to keep their suspension of disbelief and stay immersed! A great story is more than racing from points A through Z with just the bare minimum detail to give context for the next cool action scene. When people ask for the pace to slow down or for there to be more "filler", what they're really asking for are more meaningful times spent with the characters interacting with each other and getting in their heads. Letting some emotional moments linger, bonds get set up and maintained outside of tense moments and strictly necessary plot events, things like that.

After such heavy chapters back-to-back for about a month with Samura's betrayal, I think most of us need a breather. Just some time to sit with the characters to reflect on everything that happened and how they feel about it, you know? A lot of stuff happened and Chihiro especially has a lot to process. We even had a time limit of a week set up to do that- surely one day or even half of one could be given over to letting the cast regroup and take a breath on-screen before the next beat. But Hokazono-sensei seems allergic to giving us time for quiet reflection so now I'm more exhausted than the protagonist who died and came back to life a few hours ago. Yes, Chihiro rested for a few days off-screen before rolling out but we didn't get to see it. So it's not a break for us.

I've been holding back on criticism of this because I wanted to see where the story was going and what the author would do but the pacing is an outright flaw as of this chapter. It's something that I wish had been left behind in the action movie genre; that kind of pacing works for films because you're doing 90ish-minute installments every few years. But it's terrible for a weekly manga.

I will eat a whole stick of apple cinnamon incense if this is some long-con on the author's part to eventually slap Chihiro down for running on fumes and force him to sleep for a week or something. But I'm only making this bet because by now I think it's clear that we're in thriller action movie pacing for the rest of the series' run. It's just something that will have to be accepted as part of the experience going forward. For me, it's a drawback. An acceptable one since everything else is still holding my interest (for now) but a major one nonetheless.

What Did we Not Rest For?

An administrative meeting, a Shiba & Chihiro conversation, and Minimura exposition; Hakuri was so unimportant that he gave an offscreen info dump and went back to sleep, apparently. That's a hell of a lot- there was a ton of yapping and all of it was related to the plot and keeping the momentum up. That's not appropriate downtime! It's the manga equivalent of working from home early Saturday morning after pulling all-nighters at the office from Monday through Friday.

Anyway... this chapter was dense as fuck. I don't catch everything each week but damn I feel like I'm missing a lot of things to speculate on this time. I don't have the brain power to get every little thing until we start tying up some existing threads; hopefully what I caught here is good enough until more room can be made. Early Bird Kamunabi Conference

Azami! Good to see you again! Please do stuff more often to give me a heads up so I can start preparing defense statements against those traitor allegations.

First up, the Kamunabi convening at a little after 3 in the morning. Using Magatsumi's still on the table despite the sealing process being partially complete, obviously. And based on the discussion it seems like we'll probably meet Subaru, the Sushi Chef Bearer from Sushi Subaru next. Sorry girl Bearer fans. Hope Ms. Masumi in a suit can tide you over until then.

In terms of Kamunabi member insights, I'm really warming up to the mask Kamunabi guy that was impressed by Hiyuki's evaluation of Chihiro (and helped Kunishige hide after the war). He's the one who cares about the well-being of others the most out of everyone who we got to hear from. I'm thinking he's also a true believer in the mission with a more compassionate bent to his philosophy than Mutton Chops. Mutton Chops is pretty competent when he's not being a Rokuhira Hater, though.

Everyone else is pretty much on the practical discussion side to get us away from a bunch of talking heads as soon as possible. Except Ear guy- he's still as flippant as ever. I've still got my eye on you for corruption and/or negligent incompetence, buddy.

They all get failing grades for sending Chihiro back out again so soon, though. Guess we won't be dealing with the political side of the conflict just yet. Samura using Owl to monitor all of Japan for Enchanted Blade signatures is pretty spooky though!

Shiba and Chihiro

[Slaps Shiba] This bad boy can fit so much misguided grief in it.

The long conversation was a must-have and I'm glad it happened! I just wish it had gone a bit differently. Less Minimura, more just the two of them, you know? (Or solo Chihiro reflecting on things before Shiba comes in!) They've got a lot of complicated emotions going on and I really wanted to see more of Shiba's conflict over how he wants to protect Chihiro but also feels like he can't. It's been there in the background since Chapter 1 and this would have been a great time to dig into it a little more. He just watched Chihiro die in his arms and some stern faces are all he can muster?! After shaking and nearly crying for comedic effect over the stunts Chihiro and Hakuri pulled in Ch. 46? And busting into the hospital room with a yell in Ch. 11? Call it a nit-pick if you like but it just feels weirdly subdued from Shiba's end when he's normally so emotive about Chihiro's well-being. I guess this is the "heavy feelings make the comedy guy get serious" trope in effect. Boo hiss bad application, let this man be more emotional about his adopted nephew!

I guess I can at least appreciate that Shiba being subdued contrasted with Chihiro being the most outwardly emotional we've ever seen him (in the present) when he echoes the words his dad spoke to him:

Passionate, glossy-eyed Chihiro gets anything he wants forever and ever no questions asked.

CHIHIROOOO you need to rest and get some hugs, not go out and kill more people! But we're already well aware of why he's out here doing this, so... damn it, you get to go. Just don't keep accumulating wounds and stuff, OK? And don't freakin' die again!

I understand why Shiba didn't put up much of a fight when Chihiro asked for Enten back. He's driven by guilt just as much as the rest of the major characters this arc, especially over failing to protect Kunishige. Won't commit on the exact reasons right now but they're probably along the lines of "If I hadn't failed that day then Chihiro wouldn't feel the need to do any of this, so the least I can do is train him and catch him when he falls". This is good stuff honestly! I just wish we'd gotten to see a bit more of his inner thoughts.

The second biggest thing I disliked about this chapter was the implication that Chihiro finally heard at least some of the truth of things from Shiba there in the hospital room but we the audience still can't know about it yet. Which is fine for us- it's tough being teased about it for so long but I don't mind. What bothers me is that I think this is something that's important enough for us to learn about the same time Chihiro does. So we can feel the weight of whatever this monstrous cover-up was, you know? We're supposed to be on this journey with him, seeing the world from his point of view and coming to understand things as he does. Something this massive should have been dropped on the reader and the protagonist at the same time! I don't want the reveal relegated to a flashback in the middle of a fight- give it the full attention it deserves. But maybe the author's cooking again. No choice but to wait and see anyway.

Zombie Chihiro?!

HMM...

Samura spared Chihiro, which makes sense. He just wants Chihiro to stop before he goes too far down this path. But of course Chihiro's gotta have that clash of ideals and say "I'm a sinner too".

I did feel really bad for Chihiro again this chapter. Being reminded that he's just a nice 18-year-old kid pushing himself to be a killer out of grief and feeling like he can't turn back hits right in the kokoro. I hope we can see how a Bearer bonds with their sword since his contract with Enten was severed...! Samura can sense blades with contracts when they're in use so I wonder how Chihiro will adjust to that too. He's watching all of Japan for signs of enchanted blade activity so Chihiro might have to use Enten as a regular sword for a while.

Chihiro's rapid recovery could either be ascribed to Samura's precision in slicing him or some other kind of power, possibly from Tobimune.... HMM... do we really need more little details to chew on in this chapter? Sure, why not. Let's add another thing to ponder on while we wait for resolution on the all the other hanging threads too. At least this one's tied to some blade or Chihiro sorcery lore. If it's a Tobimune power, wouldn't Chihiro know about it? Unless it's a True Realm ability that hasn't been documented. More things to theorize over, yay...

It's also the last remaining shred of hope for Uruha being alive despite apparently being in autopsy. I'll admit, it's pretty damn fishy that Shiba can't get info and Chihiro refuses to believe the man is dead, so I guess I can't complain if my favourite goofy ronin dude comes back somehow. Would still prefer it if he was left definitively dead though because we have more than enough "but maybe?!" threads hanging around already.

Not to get too gruesome, but... if this is a flag that the Kamunabi are doing unethical things to Uruha's corpse, hoo boy. Oh man. I'm not ready for that kind of development despite being a horror fan.

The Sore Spot

Couldn't you have saved this for next chapter?

And then... a lotta Minimura exposition yap.

I feel like this conversation could have been pushed to the next chapter with Minimura stepping into the hospital room as the cliffhanger to end this one. It's just too much information overload and exposition when we've been begging for Chihiro to rest for months now in real time. Even if the in-universe timeline remained the same, it would have given us readers a lull while Chihiro had the heart-to-heart with Shiba and thought about everything that just went down. Heck we might have even gotten some time with Hakuri too.

The last page of Chihiro and the Masumi stepping out in suits was cool as heck but it didn't land due to how sick I am of these characters running from plot point to plot point. Now it's Chihiro and the ninjas out there doing Things and Stuff to find their answers from Samura... I'm interested in the conflict that will arise from Samura's old guards -basically his little family- fighting against him, don't get me wrong. It's got some very tasty parallels to Hakuri's story and resonates deeply with Chihiro's need to know the truth about the people he cares for so much. Again for the millionth time though, I just wish this had gone down a little bit differently.

Hakuri Where?!

There's a lot of baseless venting here and some raw, barely-edited thoughts- sorry in advance. This chapter is kind of an information overload (and I'll be honest, I got super petty over Hakuri's status being hand-waved away). I just don't have it in me to condense it all like usual. Sorry.

Oh, he's just drowning in self-hatred offscreen. Don't worry about it we gotta get going.

So, Chihiro's the MC and this is his story. Stuff with him will usually take precedence over other characters. But when you barely acknowledge Hakuri -ostensibly one of the most important characters in the cast other than Chihiro himself- in the aftermath of a series of major events that he was directly involved in like this, I gotta wonder.

I'd be happier if he wasn't mentioned or shown at all beyond still being alive because that would mean there was more to say that needed proper time to be allocated. But much like Chihiro waking up alone and the Shiba and Chihiro conversation, a prime chance for character and/or relationship quality time was skimmed over to keep the plot moving at mach five.

"Finer details not necessary."

I'm not saying this because I wanted HakuHiro hospital fluff that badly. I'm saying this as a Hakuri fan who's worried that he'll be reduced to an exposition and gag delivery tool. It's happened to some of my favourites before despite the prominent billing they got, and I hoped it wouldn't happen again here after the Rakuzaichi arc set Hakuri up to be second only to Chihiro in terms of narrative importance. But shoving him offscreen so we get updates about him indirectly -giving us no time to even see him wake up or express anything directly- feels like side-character treatment. You know, how Hinao was treated in Chapter 11 (where's she been lately?).

The best that can be hoped for is that he gives us a PoV that lets us explore the Kamunabi side more via his hospital stay somehow. Feels bad when the author clearly hates deviating from the action to do those kinds of scenes, so I wonder how much we'll actually see of Hakuri struggling and working through his issues while he's setting up plot points for other characters and the larger narrative. All while Chihiro's shoving him out of mind for one reason or another to keep focusing on the story events too.

Chihiro not checking in on Hakuri after he wakes up isn't a huge issue- that can readily be ascribed to guilt thanks to the panel of him recalling how he said he'd rely on Hakuri's help with a sad expression. He's worried in general too even if it would have been better if he'd been more proactive about expressing it. It's not like Chihiro has to wake up in a cold sweat and demand answers but shouldn't he be a little more concerned about his "equal partner"? Especially after all the emphasis put on how important they are to each other during the last arc?

Chihiro seems hesitant to broach the subject of Hakuri at all despite obviously caring a great deal.

The most generous interpretation I can make of this is that Chihiro and Hakuri are both too guilty to face each other right now. Chihiro's got a lot of other stuff going on anyway, so he can avoid thinking about the guilt of dragging Hakuri in to his mess by continuing on his mission. Meanwhile Hakuri's clearly thrashing himself something fierce. The panel of him curled up on the bed under Minimura's narration combined with him requesting the Masumi to help Chihiro in his stead is all we need to see based on what we already know- Hakuri is absolutely drowning in self-loathing right now. So he probably doesn't want to see Chihiro either even if he can get out of bed and walk himself over.

I don't want to go on a fuckhuge tangent about this but I've not got a lot of hope that these guys will interact or resolve the situation any time soon. It seems like very small potatoes compared to facing Samura, dealing with the Hishaku, and whatever's yet to come with the Kamunabi. Honestly, though? I just plain hate miscommunication drama. It's realistic here and very understandable from both sides but please, for the love of god, don't drag it out for the rest of the arc. Let them talk when Chihiro gets back or so help me God I really will think the author is pulling their relationship beats out of a generic BL tropes bin.

After Having Calmed Down...

Alright, alright. Enough of that. At least a few days passed between Chihiro waking up and rolling out again, we just didn't get to see it. So maybe they did meet up at some point. Or maybe the avoidance is to follow up on the "friendship" flags set up by Hiruhiko. Something about how they should still be relying on each other in situations like this instead of flagellating themselves in isolation. That's classic shounen, right? At any rate, we have Hiruhiko and Hakuri one-sidedly calling themselves Chihiro's friends for a reason, so we'll just have to wait and see what comes of that. I don't think that will end with Hakuri and Chihiro not being friends somehow.

Also, despite the dialogue about Hakuri not having much hope for healing his damage nerves, I'm pretty sure he will at least partially recover at some point. I just hope it's not entirely off-screen. The vast majority of character development in Kagurabachi happens through combat and the direct lead-up to the fights, which is a big strength of the series. But that also means that characters who can't fight don't get much on-screen development.

Hakuri's going to have some time to examine his circumstances in a future chapter after all the set up he got earlier in the arc. His thing will probably be learning to value himself; most likely in the sense that he's not just a tool, but a person. Hard to see how that will happen while he's stuck in recovery mode though. Will the author change tack and start having more scenes of talking heads and political drama to explore between action scenes? Seriously doubt it. So either Hakuri gets put on an expedited recovery schedule of his own or he'll be out of the story until he's useful to Chihiro('s story) as a sorcerer again. ...Not great vibes with so much of his trauma being tied to "utility=worthiness of love" but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised? I hope?

It'll be really tough for him to learn his lesson for this arc if he's burnt out after failing to save someone he swore to protect, too. A day after finally proving himself to be a genius of rare talents capable of doing so no less. God this poor kid. He finally got everything he wanted and deserved and lost it all... well he didn't lose Chihiro and Shiba, but he probably thinks he deserves to right now. Especially since Chihiro seems to have left without seeing him even once.

Which would have just made his guilt worse anyway because of what happened to him and Uruha. Hakuri summoned Chihiro back in a panic and got him killed too! And now he's totally burnt out and may be forever, so he can't even try to make up for it by training his power and "earning" redemption by becoming stronger and saving more lives. The last thing he did with his abilities was fail to save a life he promised to protect and get his friend killed. He was already being crushed under the weight of what happened to Ice Lady and now...

Huh, wouldn't that kind of be a good point to make though? That you have to forgive yourself before the guilt eats you alive. Else you'll never stop self-destructing... wonder if the author will go that route for Hakuri and/or Chihiro.

... Man. The feelings I have about Hakuri are really messy and way too closely tied to my own life experiences, so it's hard for me to be objective about him and how I want him to be handled. His journey mirrors my own in so many ways and made this series a ride or die for me based on how he was written last arc. In terms of Current Events, though? From a neutral standpoint, I think we'll get scenes of him interacting with other characters for side-plot reasons while the focus is on Chihiro's exploits. From a personal standpoint, I want in-depth explorations of him like we got in the Rakuzaichi arc. I want to see more of that, as much as possible. Even if it means deviating away from cool spreads and Chihiro doing awesome stunts more often. (In other words: the author's priorities and mine probably don't overlap right now.) So even though I know objectively that it's just not time to get back to Hakuri yet, I'm anxious that even when we do it won't be handled with grace because he can't be directly tied to the action scenes.

There are a lot of complicated thoughts about how Chihiro interacts with people in general, too... Hakuri's not the only one who does the emotional heavy lifting when it comes to depicting the relationship between them. A lot of character screen time is devoted to establishing bonds and such with Chihiro but rarely from Chihiro's point of view in return. He's completely consumed by plot things and we don't know how he feels about the people close to him directly for the most part. Hakuri is actually the lucky one who got a whole few sentences of Chihiro's inner thoughts acknowledging him as someone stronger that one time! Everything else is left to context and facial expressions -which is appropriate for a relatively reticent MC- but it would be nice get in his head to hear what he thinks about Shiba, Hakuri, and others more often.

Normally I work all that feelings stuff out in a private draft, but I'll leave it here in case you were starting to think I was anything more than a sad sack mad man, dear void. Depending on how next week goes I might not post; maybe not until after New Year's if life keeps being difficult. Be kind if you're given a choice, okay? Take care out there.

[bluespiritshonour]

I'm kicking, screaming, crying, throwing up, pulling my hair out by the roots—

Exile by Taylor Swift is such a Maiko-coded song. Like, it doesn't get more perfect. Literally every single line of that song fits with Maiko perfectly ugh!!!

The way I'm feeling right now has no solution, no relief. It's like how you want to crush cute things cause there really isn't any response that would deal with the stimulus called cuteness? I'm going crazy because I can't express how much I love this song and I love maiko and sometimes words aren't necessary. Sometimes it's just the vibes and exile is so maiko in vibes—I feel like I've understood a lot of things I feel like throwing up.

It's like Zuko and Aang looking at the dragon flames and understanding firebending. I listen to exile and it's just—maiko in my head...just pictures and vibes and feels. No words apart from the ones in the song and they fit, okay?

[rainintheevening]

It makes me sad when people leave Peter Pettigrew out of their Marauders fanart or videos or whatever. He was one of them. He was a Marauder.

[originallymarysue]

Chapter 7 is here!

Summary: The crew are going shopping today! Hopefully nothing goes wrong and no arguments happen for once!

[starryalpacasstuff]

Last Twilight; Mee's legacy continues

I know that we're all mad at how episode 11 went. Believe me, I am too. I'm not going to be talking about the issues in the episode, several others have already done so, and far more eloquently than I could. Because despite the episode's failings, there are still some things about this episode that I think deserve to be talked about.

I've loved keeping up with Mee's story as the show has progressed (written about it here and here). I thought that Mee's story ended in episode 9, but it continues to be present in the narrative. The most obvious clue to this is, obviously, Porjai's daughter, whom they named Mee. In addition to that, episode 11 focuses on highlighting the fact that Day 's blindness is not something that can be cured, just as Mee could never return to her life before she was cursed. Just as Mee had hoped that the last twilight would allow her to return to her normal life, Day hoped, even fully believed that the surgery would allow him to become "normal" again (the medical inaccuracies of the process aside). In the end, neither can return to a sense of "normalcy", as Mee turns to stone and Day's surgery fails. Both stories are haunted by a sense of grief, helplessness, and hope that is given and taken away. But the end of Mee's story isn't written as tragic, it's written as joyful. The exact same ending could have been written as tragic and solemn, but it wasn't. In the end, Mee was able to revel in the fact that she would never turn invisible again, despite turning to stone. And that's what I'm hoping that Day's final arc will resemble. Because we know that Day is still insecure about his blindness, and about people's pity for him. His buying that cane was a massive step in the right direction, because it showed that he was willing to "announce to everyone that he's blind", to be less afraid. But, as the breakup showed us, he's still insecure about his blindness. If the theory is right, episode 12 should show us Day accepting his blindness, and maybe even celebrate it as a part of him, as Mee does.

Mee's story has run parallel to Day's since they began to read it. Mee's story is over now, but Day's isn't. We see that Mee continues to have a presence in Day's life, be it metaphorically, through her story predicting his, or literally, through Porjai's daughter. Besides fixing a lot of the damage that was done in episode 11, if there's one thing I'd like from episode 12, it's one final call back to Mee's story.

[ifindus]

More ScotNor AU please 😍

Love your art style very much!

Thank you! 😍✨

I have another ScotNor AU from when I spent a month in Orkney researching herring fishing in Scotland during the 1800s 🙈

Scotland is a fisherman and one day Norway shows up, sailing across the sea with this old boat and starts selling his herring at the docks - always catching more than the other boats. Scotland does not like this new guy who is not even local, and they strike up this sort of rivalry (because Norway can be snarky when he wants to), sending a few remarks each other's way when they cross paths at the docks or on the sea. Norway has good knowledge of the ocean and knows good herring spots, and Scotland ends up following him there some days. Then, one day, there is a sudden storm and they are too far from land. They get tossed around by the waves, and Norway's boat ends up shattering, flinging him into the dark water. Scotland manages to save him, and together they get his boat under control.

and that's all I have so far 😅