#but idk maybe it could be a school club project. idk

[yes0another0outsiders0blog]

SFW Alphabet : Ponyboy Curtis

Should I have aged Pony up for this? Maybe. Was I over halfway done writing this before I realized that with no desire to rewrite any of it? Absolutely. Did I give a few cheap "idk, man, he's like 14" answers on some of these? Uh, yeah, sorry 'bout that--

Mention of substance abuse/dependency in "ugly."

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Insanely, whenever he can be. Always wants a hug, always wants to hold hands. Incredibly lovey. He's 14, it's probably his first relationship, he is a reader and writer that watches sunsets so you know he romanticizes the hell out of every little thing.

The gang teases Pony a LOT for how affectionate he is with you and then he usually gets all embarrassed about it and gets all weird about pda for a while. Thinks that everyone is just jealous and nobody has ever been this in love and they just don't understand, really he's just easy to make fun of because he's a kid in his first relationship and he's really cringe and awkward about it.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Y'all most likely met at school, did a group project together or something and obviously he's such a sweetie that you weren't not going to be his friend.

You guys become quick friends, you're probably his best school friend instantly (because you actually have classes with him unlike anyone in the gang that's still in school), he'll always sit next to you. Constantly defending each other if anyone talks shit, he takes you to the movies and you two watch sunsets together because no one else cares to do that kind of stuff with him, you go to every track meet to support him and if you're in a club/sport you can bet your ass he's always there to support you. SUPER wholesome besties.

You also have to be his street smarts and basic common sense, though, because this boy has none. He'll go to do anything or open his mouth to say something naieve and you'll have to, like, grab his sleeve and say "now, let's actually think about that, buddy" because otherwise he's saying some r/im14andthisisdeep bullshit that will get him beaten to a pulp just for being annoying, or he'll start on some crazy ungrateful rant about how Darry should be a better guardian and you need to knock some fucking sense into him because absolutely not.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Loves to cuddle, but doesn't get to often. Darry is pretty strict about Ponyboy keeping his bedroom door wide open when you're there or (preferably) sticking to the living room or kitchen, so cuddling at home is a no-go. Obviously, cuddling is difficult at school too because, uh, teachers.

Sometimes you two will go out to the lot or skip a class and head out to the bleachers to lay in the grass and cuddle. Usually, it's very simple. Sitting next to each other with someone's head on the other's shoulder and arms around each other. One of you on your back and the other with their head nuzzled into their chest or neck. Kind of minimal touching, as far as cuddling goes.

He's afraid he'll be hormonal if the cuddling is too intense, lol.

Sometimes, when you two are in the lot, Darry *will* catch you guys but let it slide because, again, it's very minimal touching and could almost be platonic.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Good at cleaning. Doesn't really like cleaning, but would rather get it over with than live in a dirty space, so it would get done even if Darry wasn't there to constantly harp on him to do his damn chores. Does need the reminders because he'll honest to god forget about the dishes in the sink or whatever, but does them right when he does remember them.

Fine at cooking. Capable of reading a recipe, doesn't have the skill or experience to add on or better it. Does the basics, wouldn't be against learning more, but just hasn't really had the chance/need to yet.

Wants to settle down eventually. Sees himself having a pretty traditional/basic life. College, married, house, kids, that kind of stuff.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Would do anything to avoid a break-up. Ends up distancing himself and hoping you break up with him over it. Doesn't want to hurt you, ends up hurting you more than if he just sat down and talked to you about splitting up. If you don't take the hint and dump him he'll probably hand you a note in the hallway and leave SO fast so he doesn't have to do it face-to-face.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, overly romanticizes. Thinks that when he loves somebody it's the truest love to ever be felt by anyone. Is instantly daydreaming about the future. Ponyboy is big on commitment, but he's young so it's all an "eventually" type of thing. Y'all probably have legit promise rings a year in.

Just smart enough (that's a lie, it's because Darry said so) to decide to wait for actual marriage until he actually graduates and has a stable job instead of the second y'all are both 18 like he originally planned.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

SO gentle. Especially physically, treats you so good. Emotionally, he's really gentle but can get really socially unaware and ends up saying something stupid way too often because he just genuinely doesn't see/consider the issue with whatever he said. But the kid TRIES.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs. Will hug you goodbye every single time you go to leave. Will give you a congratulatory hug if you achieve anything. He's physically pretty sensory seeking, he likes holding onto things.

Hugs are usually fairly short and sweet, though. Very warm and nice, but if it goes on for too long then he feels a bit awkward. Like, he doesn't know what to do with his hands after a while and starts to worry that you're uncomfortable, he spends way too much mental energy thinking about the most appropriate hug length.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

On the second date. The first date is so casual and very mutual-crush-besties, but after he just thinks about you and how much he's fallen for you. On the second date, he's basically instantly confessing his love and asking if you want to be in an official relationship.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Average amount of jealousy. No issue with you having friends or anything. Only gets really jealous when someone is getting flirty with you or you start paying an extreme amount of attention to someone.

Gets really moody when jealous, may not even realize he is jealous. A lot of "no, it's fine" and shit. Irritable, usually isolates or vents to someone else.

He apologizes when someone informs him that he's being a jealous jerk, though. Again, he usually doesn't clock the feeling so he has no idea he's doing it.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Quick, sweet, a bit shy. A peck on the cheek or a quick brush of the lips. He'd probably get in trouble for it at school with teachers and at home with Darry, or most of the rest of the gang will tease you two RELENTLESSY anytime they catch you two, so kisses are super sneaky and the types that you can pull away from real quick.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Neither loves nor dislikes children, doesn't really know what to do with kids. He's the youngest person he's around most of the time, he would be so confused if you just plopped a kid down in front of him. Would probably be really good with a quiet, "good" kid, he'd love to read to them or babysit one of those kids that just, like, sit in the corner and draw or quietly play with toys for hours. The second a kid starts being super hyper or rambunctious, though, he'd be so overwhelmed and need an adult *RIGHT* now.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Y'all meet up at school and spend as much time together as possible before the bell rings. Studying for first period, chatting about upcoming plans or the day before, etc.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

A hug and a kiss goodbye at your door, lol. You think you're spending the night? You think he's allowed to spend the night at your place? C'mon, now.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Pretty open when it's relevant. Like, if asked a direct question he isn't going to lie and he doesn't really have an issue talking about himself. As soon as he sees you as a safe person that won't make fun of him for it, he's deep-diving into how he feels about almost everything to get your perspective. A lot of the gang either doesn't care to listen or will make fun of him for being a little bitch, so Ponyboy will absolutely latch on to someone willing to listen to his random emotional and philosophical bullshit.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Gets moody or frustrated easily, stresses easily and may need a break from whatever is getting to him. But actually angry? Slightly below average. There are things that will absolutely push those buttons quick enough, but he isn't actually angry so much as overwhelmed a fair amount of the time.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Remembers a surprising amount of little things. Your favorite and least favorite colors? Foods? Books? Movies? Etc? Absolutely remembers all of them. Might forget bigger things, like your birthday or something. And it isn't like he even forgets!! He just has that weird "is time real?" anxiety that some people have. Like "I know their birthday is on [date], and it's [date] today, but is it *REALLY* [date]??? What if I say happy birthday and they're confused and tell me it isn't their birthday? Maybe I should wait for someone else to tell them happy birthday first, just to be safe..."

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Your second date. Eating at the diner where he told you he loved you and asked you to be his officially, watching the sunset, catching a late movie, and then walking you home and giving you a hug and kiss goodbye at the door.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Around average on the protective scale? Wants to know you're safe, obviously. If anyone is bothering you, he's by your side. If anyone is actively bullying you, Ponyboy will try to get the whole gang to defend you (and if anything serious is going on, they probably will). Will listen to you vent and rant, and (maybe reluctantly) accepts that you can take care of yourself. Will follow your lead mostly, stays close and will happily defend you if you look to him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tries so hard. Writes love letters, makes sure there's plenty to do on dates (it's never *just* a movie, it's dinner and a movie and talking for hours after), buys you a little gift or treat whenever he has spending money, helps you with school work whenever you need it, walks you home even if it's way out of the way for him.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Extremely addictive personality. He is canonly the heaviest smoker of the group despite also being the youngest, also considers himself addicted to pepsi and--while that could absolutely just be an exaggeration in saying it's his favorite drink--I wouldn't be surprised if he was fairly addicted to the caffeine. He also misuses prescriptions. Having problems with addiction early in life can lead to more issues with addiction later down the line, whether through stronger substance dependency/abuse or just addictive behaviors such as gambling or similar.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

About as much as a young teen is expected to be. Has a good plenty look-based insecurities, definitely wants to look tuff or whatever. Doesn't make it his whole thing. Also probably grows out of it fairly completely unlike some people.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

110% yes. This is true love to him. Yall are soul mates.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Don't know if this is obvious in how I write him, but I headcanon him as autistic (because I'm autistic and I say so, idk). Not diagnosed, because it's the 60s.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Not seeing (or at least trying to see) his point of view. He can be rather emotionally driven sometimes, and it does help when he has someone to give an objective or logical perspective when he's like that, but if you don't start with "yeah, I understand where your coming from, but also consider..." then he'll feel like you're just telling him he's wrong and his feelings don't matter. A lack of sympathy/empathy (idk which, I lack both, oops) is a good way to make him uncomfortable with you as a whole.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Sleeps holding onto something for dear life. A pillow, balling up the blankets next to him, partner, whatever.

[xxsquiddkiddxx]

hiiii could I request smth w John Bender where he's kinda infamous in the school. Reader and him are maybe assigned on a sculpting project together or something like that, and because of his reputation he expects her to hate him, but she's nothing but nice to him and feels for him because she sees the signs of abuse. One day he seems in an even worse mood than normal and is pretty bruised up (though trying to hide it) and after school when they walk out together she privately broaches the subject, causing him to involuntary have a breakdown/panic attack, which she comforts him through

With some romantic fluff at the end?? Idk ahhhh sorry this is so specific I feel awkward typing this all out 😭 no worries if you can't and have an amazing day/night!

A/N: Wait omg I actually love this???.?? I'll TOTALLY do this!!!!!! Idk how well it'll be cuz I haven't watched Breakfast Club since mid August... but I'll do my best. (Also ty so much for being specific! Helps me out A LOT more!)

Art Class ~ John Bender x !Artist! Reader

Pronouns for Reader: She/Her

Relationship type: Platonic to romantic

Genreal Idea: (Y/N) and John are working on an art project together, and things seem to be going smoothly. A friendship even seems to be blooming. However, one day something seems... off. And (Y/N) seems determined to figure it out.

Content Warnings: John might be out of character, accurate PTSD representation from someone with PTSD, abuse mentioned (but not seen in action), swearing. It's a fic that takes place in the 80s. What do you expect???

(No particular POV)

☆Day 1: Assignment☆

John wasn't exactly the best at art. Shop? He pretty much had that class DOWN. Art? Not so much. So he decided to bite the bullet and just get the class over with. It was only a half-year class anyway. And he needed it to graduate. And in his mind, if he could graduate... he could get the FUCK out of that house. It was a win for him.

He took his spot in the back of the classroom, sunglasses on his face, and leaned back slightly in his chair. He found himself zoning out, wrapping himself around his own head. The thing that pulls him out of his thoughts is the sound of someone clearing their throat. He lifts his sunglasses up slightly on one side, just enough to see who it was. It was a girl with (H/C) hair and (E/C) eyes. Someone he INSTANTLY recognized as (Y/N) (L/N)

He didn't know the girl personally. He just knew OF her, if that makes any sense. He had another class with her, but he couldn't tell you what class it was. His school schedule mostly just blurred together if he was being honest. But every time he'd stolen a quick glance at her or whenever she was just simply in his line of vision, she always had her nose in either a book or a sketchbook. No in between. Occasionally, she was seen doing homework, but the rest of the time, it was drawing or reading.

"Can I help you?" He asks, a little snappier than he'd intended. Before he had a chance to mutter a quick apology and try again, she speaks.

"We were assigned to do the sculpting project together?" She says, unfazed by the snappy tone. It was the first time she'd ever spoken. Or... at least the first time John had ever heard her speak. Not nessicarily what he expected, but- God that sounds so fucking weird.

"Oh," He says, feeling kinda stupid. She just sits down, setting her bag down beside her, fishing around for what he assumed was her sketchbook. He decides to speak again, hopefully making some form of small talk to make up for the snappiness of before. "(Y/N), right?" He found himself bewildered at his own behavior. He normally never found himself feeling bad about his attitude or behavior. And here he was, feeling like a douche for slightly snapping at her.

"Yes," She says. "You perfer John or Bender?" She asks, grabbing a pencil and sliding it over to him, John stopped it with his forefinger. "I hear people call you both."

"I don't care." He says simply, watching her grab her sketchbook.

"Alright, John, it is." She says. "So, were you paying attention to the teacher, or do you have any idea what we're doing for the next..." She thinks for a moment, tapping her pencil eraser to the paper. "Week or so?" John's silence speaks more than if he'd simply said that he didn't. "We're doing a sculpting project." She says.

"Ah, I see." He says, twirling the pencil in his fingers.

"So I was thinking we could possibly get a rough idea before we actually dive in, yeah?" She says, flipping through her sketchbook. John gets some glimpses of her art, mesmerized by her work. She flips to the next blank page, writing at the top "PROJECT IDEAS".

The two plan, and by the two, (Y/N) mostly talked, and John just kinda nodded and went along with it.

At the end of class, (Y/N) gave John her phone number so they could stay in contact about the project. And the two went their separate ways for the day.

☆Day 3: Even More Sketching, Some Potential Friendship Forming☆

"How the hell do you understand this?" John asks, cracking his knuckles. "I barely understand 90% of this class." The girl in front of him simply chuckles.

"I've done this for a LONG while, John." She says. Most people just called him Bender, so hearing her call him John made him feel... nice? He didn't know, feelings are weird, and that wasn't a rabbit hole he really wanted to go down today.

"I've noticed." John says as the two work. "I hardly ever see you without that little sketchbook of yours." The two continue to work before John breaks the silence between the two.

"Ya know... I don't actually hate this." He says quietly, mostly to himself. (Y/N) hums in response.

"You say sumthin?" She asks, looking up at him. John feels heat rise to his face as he clears his throat, making up something on the spot.

"I-I said that I'm surprised you don't hate me." He says smoothly, covering up his little embarrassing moment.

"Why would I do that?" She asks, her eyes going back down to the large(ish) lump of clay infront of her as she rolls up her sleeves. The two converse back and forth while they do their project.

"Hey, so I was thinking." (Y/N) says before class ends. "Since we are a tad behind, we could possibly stay after school one of these days to get some extra work in."

"That works for me." John says, hand in his pocket. "When were you thinking?"

"Would you be able to do Thursday?" She asks. John thinks for a moment.

"Yeah, I can do that." John says.

"Sweet." She says as the bell rings. She puts the stuff they were using away and grabs her bag. "See ya."

John, left slightly speechless and red faced, blinks a few times before mumbling a "Yeah, see ya."

☆~☆

John was practically counting down the hours until he'd be able to work with (Y/N) after school. The fact that he was counting the hours down both disgusted and fascinated him. It was an odd combo that he really wasn't familiar with, nor had a desire to be familiar with.

(Y/N) had been nothing but the kindest soul to him. Did it make sense to him? No. Was he gonna ruin it by saying something? ... Also no.

☆Day 6: After School Work and a Walk Home☆

(Y/N) instantly knew something was up the second she set her stuff down. The air felt thicker around John, who was clearly pissed. The two didn't really talk, as (Y/N) detected he wasn't really in that mood. However, this didn't stop her from sliding a little slip of paper towards him.

John unfurled it: "You good? You seem a lot more angry than norma." John bit a small corner of his mouth until he could taste his own blood before responding verbally.

"It's not any of your business." He responds. The girl simply sighs softly, the two going back to the project. A few bruises poke out from under John's jacket sleeve, and (Y/N)'s heart instantly aches. She knew EXACTLY what was going on.

At the end of class, (Y/N) puts stuff away before asking John: "You still down to stay after?" She asks, her voice a bit softer than normal. John simply mumbles a "Yeah, whatever" and is out of the door.

☆~☆

(Y/N) sat on a desk as she ate a granola bar, waiting for John. Sure enough, there he was. He tossed his stuff at his normal desk, not really caring if anything was damaged.

"Ya know, we can reschedule if you're not doing the best." She says, doing her best not to sound rude or condescending.

"I'm fine, (Y/N)!" John says, slightly snappier than normal. "God, will you get off my back, please?" (Y/N), taken slightly aback, simply nods her head and the two get to work.

☆~☆

The two walk out of the school in silence. John feels like an absolute dick. He shouldn't have snapped at (Y/N). He's mad at his dad, not her. He can't bring himself to apologize though.

For once, it's (Y/N) who breaks the dense silence. "John, you don't have-"

"For fucks sake, I'm FINE, woman!" He snaps, turning to her. "God take the fucking hint?! Try that!" (Y/N) blinks a few times. She takes a lot, but that wasn't something she was gonna take. Regardless of what he was currently going through.

"Listen, John. I get you're in a bad mood. And you don't have to tell me why." She says. "But it's obvious you're not-"

"I'M FINE, (Y/N)!" He says, his voice shaking with unnessicary rage. "I'm fine! Fucking PERFECT even!" His hands shake with the rage. "So PLEASE! For FUCKING FUCKS SAKE! Get OFF of my ass about this 'You're not fine' shit. I'm PERFECTLY FINE!"

"Oh, clearly." (Y/N) says, hands on her hips. "Because someone who's fine acts like this."

"Oh my fucking god." John groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Are you ACTUALLY braindead? Did you NOT hear me?"

"John," The girl says, trying to be as calm as she can. "I can literally SEE the brusies-"

"Oh my god, you fucking win! You fucking win." He says, practically whirling his jacket to the earth, revealing a shit ton of bruises and marks both old and new. "There, my old man whipped me to shit last night cuz I forgot to do something exactly to his liking. SATISFIED?!?" The rage in John's voice scares both (Y/N) and himself... but mostly himself.

The look that (Y/N) has on her face brings him damn near to tears. It's a look not of disgust or fake sympathy. But of actual concern, maybe even actual care. He's trying to look everywhere, BUT her face.

"John..." She whispers softly, her fingers moving to his arm, but instantly drawing back. John sighs, extending his arm out to her. Her soft fingers trace each mark softly, almost a feather light touch. "You don't deserve this."

"Well clearly, I did." He mumbles, turning his head to the side. (Y/N) drags her finger down his arm softly to his hand, where she squeezes gently.

"No, you don't." She says, looking him in the eyes. "John, I may not have known you for a super long time. But I know for a FACT that you're a good person under the tough guy exterior." John stays quiet, his eyes not leaving the girl in front of him. "You DON'T deserve this." She gestures to every mark that she could see and the ones she probably couldn't see. "And I'll be DAMNED if I listen to you act like you don't deserve the dirt under my shoes." Her other hand moves to his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. "Last time I checked, no human being deserves this. And if you need ANYBODY, SOMEWHERE to get away for a bit, my door's WIDE open, just call me, talk to me, hell even send me a letter. I don't care. But I'm here-"

"(Y/N)..." He says softly, his fingers wrapping around the hand (Y/N) had hers in. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Of course, John." She says softly, going up on her tiptoes to lightly brush her lips to his cheek. "Contrary to belief, I do have a-"

"You missed." He says.

"I-I'm sorry?" She asks. John simply chuckles before pressing his lips against her own.

A/N: There we are! Hopefully, I did the idea justice. I loved it sm. I'm not nessicarily good at romantic fluff (I don't tend to experience romantic fluff often if ever XD) so hopefully I did it alright. I feel like I put a bit too much of myself into John during his little meltdown, as that's how I was during my first PTSD episode. I APOLOGISE FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK FOR ME TO GET OUT THO 😭😭😭😭

[nico-di-genova]

Can u talk about charles' university times?

Also the flashback of him telling jules that he's quitting made me want to die 🩷

I can always talk about Charles’ uni years!!

So he’s a scholarship kid for the most part, his parents helped out where they could. He actually got a decent amount of scholarships though, enough to pay for tuition and housing, really all he pays out of pocket for is some of his books.

He kind of went crazy his first year, like partying every night crazy. Most of his childhood was spent with his dad and Arthur, and though he hung out with Lorenzo and Jules a lot, they never included him in their partying. So Charles, given his first bit of freedom in uni, very much went overboard.

He slowed it down once his grades started taking a hit, not anything major, most of his first year classes were stupid easy, but enough to make him realize he maybe shouldn’t be out every night.

Once his professors began to realize just how smart he is, they help him get onto projects that typically only upperclassmen work on. He quickly becomes known as “that genius kid”.

He starts to wear glasses during this time, because he’s always straining his eyes working late working with numbers and math that he writes in minuscule notes. He still wears glasses sometimes, only when he’s trying to prevent a headache because he actually hates how they look on him. Usually he wears them post race, when he’s going over data from the day. Max loves them, more than Charles knows, post race Charles curled up in their hotel room with his glasses and notes is probably his favorite Charles.

Also, Charles in the club? Unhinged, insane. Drunk Charles is dancing on tables halfway through the night, sweat drenched and flushed. He maybe starts going overboard with the partying because he likes the freedom he can feel when he’s drunk and uncaring. He’s so used to walking around with all this pressure and anxiety, feeling like everyone’s watching him, that when he’s in a dark club and surrounded by hundreds of people it’s a little freeing.

He’s hooked up in club bathrooms. Not a ton, but enough he’s familiar with the mechanics of it. It might come in handy in the future…maybe 👀.

His favorite class was Motorsport Vehicle Performance, taken in his third year. It’s what solidified for him that this was definitely what he wanted to do, not just have a hand in building the cars, but work with the data and simulations, work with a driver to achieve that peak performance. He took it all very seriously, maybe too seriously, tbh he was a major nerd. Charles in school vs Charles in the club, two very different people.

Dated exactly One (1) person during his uni years. She was in the program with him, they met during a mathematics and modeling class in their second year. Her name was Hannah, she was the only other person to consistently show up to class like twenty minutes early. Charles liked having someone to sleep with at night, even if it was cramped on his too small dorm bed. They broke up at the end of third year, after Charles spent weeks with Arthur at the track (Arthur was starting F4) and they just kind of grew distant.

Frequently begged Lorenzo to send him care packages because the food in the food hall was very much Not It. He never asked his mom, didn’t want to stress her out with everything happening with his dad. Lorenzo ofc always sent stuff. He also visited Charles at school when he could.

Idk, this is random rambling, maybe not what you were looking for. But know Charles looks back on his uni years fondly. And I could probably talk about it for hours.

[liesmyth]

🐇🔪

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?

As a primarily fic writer... honestly, neither, but if I had to pick, definitely wholly original characters over reader inserts. In my experience as a reader, successful inserts have to have a broad appeal ( #relatability) that idk if I could pull off.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I'm not sure what counts as weird by fic writing standards, but I like to get specific! Academic articles my beloved. I've looked up the weekly schedule at a specific irl secondary school associated with a specific football club's youth section. I've looked up anatomy journals. I've checked out a couple niche history books from a university library. I've looked up real estate listings and floor plans and restaurants and travel times on google maps. I think maybe the weirdest research bout was that time I tried to get an idea of currency exchange rates and purchasing power in 14th century France, but all these were pretty fun.

{Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game}

[colorfulyetsinful]

This is a hc timeline list for a fanfic I’m writing (it’s not even about Bruce, I just like writing lore).

No capes au, meaning no power or hero or villains. It’s hard to explain, maybe I’ll go into it more once I publish the fic.

(I’m not sure if this makes sense but I hope it makes sense)

Going one for the Kent’s bc I got plans for Clarky boy >:}

Anyways enjoy!!

Warning ⚠️

-young Bruce Wayne

-and underage drug use (it’s only mentioned)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce is basically Damian mixed with dick’s public persona

- basically he’s stand offish and a smart ass with a charming smile

Autistic coded (where Damian gets it from

Chosen not to have friends, but when Clark and Diana became his partners for a group project, he couldn’t get ride of them

Bruce and Oliver had a rivalry going on

hey didn’t realize it at first until they shared a class in 8th grade, and after that they couldn’t stand each other

Him and Harley some how became besties (kinda like how Damian and Colin are)

He scolds her for being interested in a delinquent (joker)

She comes back at him for having a on-off relationship with Talía

Him, Harley, Harvey, Edward, Pamela, and Selina used to sneak out of school to go smoke pot

(Usually on Wednesdays and Fridays every other week)

He definitely went through a rebellious stage

Cheated on his current gf (idk you pick) with Talía

Him and Talía were that toxic couple that shouldn’t be together but are

Kinda like Maddie and Nate but Bruce would never put his hands on her (he wouldn’t and he couldn’t that bitch would beat his ass)

Him and Selina are childhood friends in the sense that they met like 4 time from the age of 8-13 and fully became friends in Highschool

Talía and Bruce are childhood sweethearts

He was a band kid,,,he definitely played the trombone

Also was in a garage band bc of Eddie

He played the drums

Thought he was going to get ride of Harley after graduation

Nah they both were in the same criminal psychology major

Didn’t know how to drive until he was well into uni (he was driven around by a butler his whole life what do you expect)

Him, Clark, and Diana are drinking buddies

Him and Harley stopped being friends after she dropped out of school and ran away with her bf

Selina, Pamela, and Harley had a reunion in jail

Bruce dropped his friendship Harvey bc they both got drunk and had a fight at a club

Finally broke it off with Talía

Well she broke it off with him…he tells ppl his version tho

Lives up to his name as “Gotham’s playboy” for the rest of college

Him and Oliver (Queen) hooked up at a college graduation party

Woke up to matching rings and a marriage certificate

They were both mortified

He took Dick in around the age of 26 (dick was around 6)

Adopted him a year later

A bit clueless, so Alfred basically raised him

He really learned what patience was with Dick

Found and adopted Jason when Dick was about to turn 7 (Jason was still 5 turning 6)

Thought he was doing good bc now Dick had a friend :D

It didn’t work

Dick was ok about Jason, just was annoyed with Bruce

He lost his parents, anger is one stage of grief

“Now you know how it feels to raise a child, Mister. Bruce”

Yes Alfred is so smugges

But Jason is Bruce’s baby

Jason was such a good boy he couldn’t see how any one could be mean or say anything bad about him

He became such a family man

Him and Selina start having a physical relationship after Jason was adopted

They aren’t really dating bc they didn’t want to “be committed to anything”

Lowkey dating

He help Clark and Lois get together

He was also the best man for their wedding

Also a groomsman for Oliver

Adopted Tim and Cass a few weeks later (the judge looked at him crazy) when dick was 10, Jason 8, cass 9, and Tim 7

Told Alfred there will be no more kids after them

Haha

He helped Kate with the legal team to adopted Harper and Cullen

Since Lucius Fox and him were working long hours, he suggested that the kids have a sleepover

He regretted it later on bc too much kids in the house

But he was happy that his kiddies were talking to other kids that wasn’t themselves or their cousins

(It still didn’t help their social skills)

He also helped Harley turn a new leaf and got her back on her feet after she finally ended things with her ex

She slowly became the family therapist

Her and Bruce also fixed their friendship and now Bruce regrets Bri going her back in his life

(This is a lie, he actually missed Harley)

Was the one that got her and Pamela the apartment together

Also help both of them finish their degree and even get their doctorate

AND helped them adopt a child together

It was a long process due to their criminal record but nothing money can’t fix

Colin was that child

He’s a little shit but the girls love him

Talia and him had a special night together

(He’s not tied down so it’s not cheating 🙄)

It was back before he even had Dick so he wasn’t with Selina

But that night brought a 9 year old Damian to his foot step when Dick was 13

(Is the math mathing??)

“No more kids, huh” 🤨

“Alfred, I didn’t even know this one existed”

He thought Dick was a hard time???

Damian truly humbled him

Selina loved him but Damian was always guarded with her

He grew to accept her as Bruce’s gf

“We’re not dating Damian”

“Then why tf is she here if your not committed”

Stephanie just added herself to the family after her and Tim started dating

Bruce couldn’t get rid of her after they broke up bc she started dating his daughter

He secretly loves her but honestly she just makes herself at home

Colin is that same way but he’s been here longer then Stephanie so🤷‍♂️

Colin and Damian are besties on accident

- They met at dojo class and was the only one not scared to take Damian 1v1

He got his ass beat, but gave damian a bloody nose so, even!!

Damian is autistic coded

Bruce adopted Duke after Damian

It was the same judge every time

The judge didn’t even hold a trial bc he just wants Bruce out of the court room

“This is the last one Alfred I SWEAR”

“You said that TGE LAST TIME”

It wasn’t but it was t by adopt

He proposed to Selina on Hanukkah/Christmas party when Damian was 12

(Hanukkah/Christmas bc Bruce and Tim are Jewish and raised dick and Jason as Jewish, but Damian, Duke, Cass, and Selina aren’t Jewish)

“I’m not dating her” “we’re not doing any commitment” my ass

It’s been 10 years BRUCE

ANYWWYS she said yes

The kids + other were the wedding party

Damian was the ring barrier

Harley was the maid of honor

Clark was the best man

Other ppl from the league was invited bc Bruce did have other friends in school, but he mostly hanged out with his little group

Selina adopted the kids as her stepchildren

(She loves her little kittens)

They honeymoon in Thailand (Selina is haft Thai)

Another year into their marriage and Selina is pregnant:D

“…”

“…at least this isn’t some kid I found on the street or was from an old fling”

“So you acknowledge that there’s a problem”

They were expecting twins

Bruce is happy to have kids with Selina but some times he wishes he would have stop at Jason

(This is another lie, this man is whipped for his family)

Honestly Bruce is happy how big his family have grown since it was just him and Alfred for so long Alfred is happy that Bruce had grown into such a family man and is happy how he far he’s gone since his rebellious younger years

[mintys-corner]

Continuing on one of my previous posts talking about what the Bullworth staff would be like when they were younger and what sort of cliques do they'd fit into

ik I didn't really say much about Galloway, and there might be more to say about him, but I'm unsure what. Tried writing some stuff for Edna and Mr Hattrick, but there wasn't much to say about them, so might just turn it into another follow-up post instead

Mr Galloway

Galloway would have definitely been a nerd. No questions asked. He'd constantly reference literature and maybe watch stage adaptations of plays performed by the drama club. He might've tried to write a novel at some point. Even though he says his alcoholism was a response to the stress Mr Hattrick placed him under, I feel like Galloway had his first drink at a rather young age ,like when he was 15 or younger, which he developed an addiction to in his adult life.

Ms. Philips

Ms. Philips, growing up, always had an interest in art. If there ever was an 'art kids' clique, she'd definitely be a member. She might’ve dabbled in sculptures, film-making etc, maybe even experimental performance art by helping out with her friends’ projects, whether it were directed related to painting or not, like giving input on colour palettes, helping paint backdrops for the sets of plays, acting in a minor role in a friend’s film, and generally offering moral support. I get the feeling that when she was younger, her artistic expression was a lot 'weirder' and less focused? the only art piece we see her make is the banana, and I feel like her art when she was younger was 'weirder', to the extent that if she wasn't as pretty, the rest of the students at her school would've thought of her as weird. 

Alternatively, if there wasn't a clique of like-minded artists, she could have rejected the clique system at her school entirely, choosing instead to remain a non-clique. Although dialogue throughout the game suggests that she's physically desired by a lot of people, for some reason I like picturing her as being kind of like Beatrice or Zoe when she was younger? like, although she's attractive, she's socially outcasted by most of the student body because of her unapologetic strangeness. One of the quotes 'I keep hoping that the kids will rebel against conformity but it never lasts' does imply that she does view herself as non-conformist, which might be partly why she's more willing to give Jimmy a chance, despite the rest of the staff seeming either apathetic towards him or actively dislike him. idk but I like picturing Ms. Philips has having a concealed 'troubled' side or that her emotional maturity haven arisen by previously overcoming personal issues.

Expanding on the idea that she experienced social exclusion and ostracization because of her strangeness, it's possible that it led her to intentionally doubling down on her 'weirdness' to purposefully further distance herself, in order to feel a sense of control in the situation, so she could feel like her isolation was a personal decision and not an external circumstance forced upon her, forming her identity as 'an outsider' and likely taking pride in it. To her more juvenile mind, she might've taken it as a sign that she was a 'true artist' ,which might be an aspect of herself that she still relates to, to an extent, as she says 'it's important for the artist to position herself as autonomous, outside critique' and 'art is about being an artist, not creating art objects'

However, her doubling down likely just ended up being a protective mask, even if it was just an exaggerated version of herself, ultimately reached a point where she craved to be authentic and vulnerable. So I'm guessing after graduating from highschool, she mellowed out a lot, but her experiences may still have lingering on her psyche. I think I was kind of reaching with this one but idk

[khodorkovskaya]

09.07.23

so i met up with the ukrainian guy! backstory for those who missed it: his mum gave my mum his number and i texted him "hey let's hang out".

so we met at the trainstation and went to the lake. and honestly...? idk if he was just shy but like he was so uninteresting. just like no flavour. i kept asking him questions like "what do you do in your free time?" "do you do any sports?" "do you have any hobbies" etc etc. and the response to everything was "i don't really do much".

i was a bit weirded out cos like... what does he do in life? he's never had even a little student job (i told him that i used to give lessons, volunteer, catsit, hostessing, etc. when i was a teen), he doesn't have any hobbies (he said he likes to watch football but like that's it), he doesn't have a lot of friends (he follows classes online and only goes to uni if there's a group project or sth like that). idk i was just confused. and he said that he doesn't really study that much and gets average grades, so it's not like his life is taken over by uni. like what does he do?

so yeah, he was just like this dude who likes football and listens to french rap and has no personality. again, maybe he was just shy. but idk. he was just so plain. i have to say, his mother was right, he was tall and handsome. but since he was so uninteresting, i just could not see him as attractive. he gave off virgin vibes idk. not in a way like "looool what a virgin loser", but like idk he just lacked any kind of attractive energy, you know what i mean? like there's a huge difference when you talk to teens/men in their early 20s vs men in their late twenties and older. like there's more of this "sexual tension" feeling, idk how to explain it. like "older" guys are more sort of like at ease with their body language and stuff and the way they talk to women. whereas this guy gave off highschooler vibes. not in a mean way, but he was just like undercooked, you know? like a teenager.

it's weird bc he reminded me a lot of this friend i had in high school. well he was more of my zurich friend's friend. but it was funny bc i set up a date for him. i had these two friends in my class, one serbian girl and one croatian girl. and i wanted to set up the serbian girl with this guy, so we went for a walk the four of us. and then me and the croatian girl just like left the two alone. it didn't work out and was super awkward but it was hilarious. and then, the funny thing is! the guy went to serbia that summer and got an std! and that was the last time id heard of him. he used to post stories from some generic clubs in the balkans on instagram from time to time. but now idk what he's up to. but yeah, the guy i went on a "date" with reminded me a lot of him in like his way of speaking and holding himself.

oh also he knew my zurich friend! it's weird bc it seems like all russian speakers know each other! all of them went to russian school when they were kids. it's weird bc when we came here my mum wanted us to integrate as much as possible, so we never went to any russian speaking events, she never signed me up for russian classes or anything like that. but like there's a whole community of russians/ukrainians/moldovans that hang out together all the time and they're all childhood friends. and i feel like ive missed out a bit bc everyone knows everyone and im just there like 😅

other than that, today father paul was celebrating 50 yrs of being a priest. and guys the liturgy today was so good! the choir really ate!

also bishop irinei of western europe came to visit and idk he gave off weird vibes. ive seen his youtube shorts and idk he's weird.

also there was cake! and it looked really good! so i wanted to take a piece but they said that it hadn't been blessed yet. so i was like okay, i'll wait. and it was 35 degrees today and we were all outside with no shade and no water. so i waited for this cake for like 20 minutes and it felt like hours. and when they finally blessed it, everyone got a piece and there wasn't any left for me!

but there was a lot of other food too like there were these two balkan ladies who made sarma and it was like 10/10. and there were also all different kinds of what i guess was pirozki..? and some other ethnic cuisine i didn't quite understand. probably armenian/georgian? like they had pies and rice and all kinds of good stuff. and there were the usual russian dishes like borsh and russian salad. and someone made avocado toast too so i was like yum. it was all really good!

it was a shame it was so hot tho bc i was like oo finally im gonna try and socialise and maybe make friends. but there was no shade! so i ate as quick as possible and ran to the nearest water fountain bc it was unbearable. i managed to talk to these two ladies who i think were of russian origin but didn't speak russian. their names were alla and ksenia and we talked for a bit about how father paul is really nice. but yeah that's it, it was too hot.

then i got home, lay on the bed and ended up taking a 5 hour nap... it was wild. i woke up at 6pm and felt like i just got run over by a bus. and now im all tired and disoriented. and it's still 30 degrees outside! i can't with this heat!

btw look at what father emilian posted today what a slay

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay

[ultramidas]

Worst Fucking Week 1/2

I Just had one of the worst fucking weeks of my life and i dont know what to do with myself anymore, first off theres my fuck ass father i dont even know where to get started this guys is a fucking deadbeat piece of shit who doesnt fucking care about me or anyone else besides his fucking retarded girlfriend he he doesnt care abot me or my feelings and i fucking hate talking to the guy i had an argument with him a week before when i was at my moms place and the week i was with him which is this week he was talking about some "oh i do love you okay and i do care" i dont even remeber what he said because it wasnt even important he doesnt care about my health he cant cook the only thing he can cook is fucking pasta which is the bare minimum and he did it once this week so i dont get any healthy meals or anything the rest of th week is just fast food bullshit usually i dont mind mcdonalds or something once or maybe even twice a week if i feel like it but i swear he got me mcdonalds 4 out of the 7 days of the week maybe more and he got me fucking wendys almost every day and he always get a fucking baconator which is the most unhealthy shit like im surprised im not fucking dead yet the only reason im not obese is because i fucking starve myself which isnt healthy but i dont wanna be 300 pounds overweight and the guy never buys anything at the grocery store either its always chips and fucking soda or ice cream or shit he uses for pasta speaking of soda its the only thing in the house besides water no fucking joke and its like that every week i stay with him and sometimes he'll get gatorade or some shit like that but its not any better i want fuckin juice or milk or something other than water and like water is fucking amazing but i want a bit more flavor in my fucking mundane shitty life nad other than that its just alchohol which im not old enough to drink neither do i wanna drink that shit yet and the way he treats my sister makes me wanna beat the shit out of him he treats her like shit always threatening to kick her out because of something she never did or that my dad thinks he did like my sister will do the dishes and laundry n shit and my dad will say she didnt and fucking argue and fight wih her he just doesnt care he doesnt care about feelings or other people besides his girlfriend who is a fucking stupid bitch who cant even drive a fucking car and gets scammed n shit i dont know why he likes her or why she likes him probably money but whatever i dont care if he's dating a gold digger its his fault and i hate him anyways so i dont care because h would never care for me back, secondly school i fucking hate school i wanna drop out but the school wont let me and i hate it school fucking depresses me ive cut myself considered suicide over it havent slept good in years because of it all my depression shit started in 8th grade because that shit sucked and it hasnt gotten any better ive only ever had one fun class and that was workshop or woodshop whatever the fuck its called anyways i liked it because it was some art projects n shit i could make cool shit in that class and ive wanted to take another art class but my dad doesnt want that i asked for it for 10th grade and he just told the school "no" so idk i tried taking a guitar class in 10th grade but the teacher was a fucking bitch we got test every singe fucking day and he didnt help us learn or neither was he fun he just fucking complained and yelled if you didnt do one not exactly fucking right it was depressing and not fun maybe i would have stayed if the teacher wasnt a bitch but he was so fuck that class and fuck him and co-op i dont even wanna get started with that shit i hated it i had a co-op at some place called the boys and girls club in a spot called the digital creative arts center which sounded fucking awesome but actually it sucked first thing i tried doing there was a music production section but the teacher sucked and i had to stay in a cramped ass room with like 10 other people which fucking sucked and i hate being around people so i quit that shit-

[radio-4-is-static]

it's crazy to me how in the span of just a few years it went from this

to this 🥺

to this 💗💗💗

<333

strap in this is about to get sappy & personal but. after the #RADWIMPSへ愛を trend on twitter i wanted to share a little about radwimps & what they mean to me.

i've talked about the 1st time i heard radwimps way too much at this point. but here is a pic of the notes in question. (in my haste to get the name down it appears i didn't even write out the full title 😅)

but i think the song of theirs that 1st really moved me -- the one that determined 'ok this is it' -- was weekly shounen jump. i listened to it with a group of friends from my college japanese speaking club, right at the end of our studies, as we were preparing to go our separate ways & venture out into the real world. the unknown future. and idk it was such a profoundly bittersweet feeling like i'd never quite experienced before. every time i hear it now i get choked up & think about those people & the memories we shared & the transience of life. at the time it felt a bit like an ending & a turning point all wrapped up in one.

i had no idea that things were about to drastically change & my college experience would be delayed/extended bc of covid. i was supposed to study abroad in tokyo that year but instead it got canceled & i got sick. like really, really sick. i won't go into too much detail but will say that there were many days i felt completely defeated & hopeless by my body's new limitations. often i wanted to cry, scream, or just give up. but as i was dealing with all of these frustrating changes i was also throwing myself into radwimps' music. spending weeks at a time with a particular album. rotating through their discography & really taking the time to listen. i loved yojiro's voice, all the different genres/styles their music encompassed, & how i could feel some of my own pain echoed back at me. but more than that, how much hope the music gave me. it brought me joy when little else would.

there aren't proper words for how excited i was when they announced the livestream for the 15th anniversary concert & i realized i would get to witness a live performance. i remember being glued to my computer screen at the crack of dawn. both days. completely entranced. only to finish out the year with the 1st shinsekai event. a chance to interact with other fans, especially as an international one? oh it was so, so special.

and so the time passed. literal years. new singles ! new mvs ! new theme songs & movie soundtracks ! new events ! every time a premiere or livestream happened, i woke up early in eager anticipation. i started going for walks to build up my strength & as it grew so too did my love for their music. on days where i didn't think i could do it -- when i was angry or sad or too tired -- i'd push myself anyway thinking 'well if i listen to アルトコロニーの定理 or 人間開花 or forever daze (��) etc etc then maybe i can do this.'

and slowly but surely, with lots of time, i got better. not 100% but well enough that when they announced the world tour, including the states, there was no question whether or not i would go. and that experience?? :') one of the most important, unforgettable days of my life. just thinking about it & i want to sob.

i felt well enough, but more importantly, inspired again to start creating art, something i had dearly missed. i put together a zine for forever daze, got into giffing mvs, & had so much fun messing around in photoshop for the 大団円 lyric art project. if not for that project i honestly don't know if i would have had the courage to go back to school & finish up my final semester.

and so like. when fans talk about radwimps' music saving them. being their reason for living. they really, really mean it. radwimps' music has given me hope during some of the darkest periods & consistently makes me want to be a better, more positive, & kind human being. to think i'm just one fan. i imagine all of the connections forged bc of this band & lives they've touched & feel so truly emotional. no matter what happens, no matter what changes, they will forever be embedded so deeply in my heart 💗

[cloudilee]

omw to school rn, i need a place to dump my thoughts down so.

first the more practical part. our teach is teaching chist a bit too fast. there are some gaps in my knowledge so i’m thinking friday i put some time aside to study it? besides that i recall downloading some geography practice questions given by my school a while back. i’ll need to use them. in fact, i’ll probably need to use all of the practice questions sooner or later. maybe a spare check at the resources page, yk just in case i missed anything. history & geography tests upcoming—not sure if they count in my grade but afaik the entire form has them so you would presume it does.

anyways moving on to the jumbled thoughts shit. recently began to suspect that i have overthinking+loneliness. also realized that i actually feel lonely when my bestie isn’t around. (why the fuck do i feel lonely.) joined plenty of clubs this year but unfortunately i don’t know when they’ll start. i’m not sure about being friends FRIENDS with other people in my class. don’t get me wrong they’re really chill and i’m glad to have a class with little to no drama in it, but i just don’t feel particularly close with anyone else rn. which highkey sucks because me and my bestie have classes in different floors.

i have been told by my other bestie (who’s in uk now) that i need to “get used” to my loneliness. i mean i get her point, loneliness isn’t anything rare and yeah i’ll probably experience it a lot more in the future. but as an extrovert i hate feeling alone, but at the same time i can’t bring myself to interact with my peers. (contradictory as fuck) just hoping that i’ll make more new friends in clubs. especially looking forward to drama club.

external shit aside—i’m pretty sure the problem is with my thought process. not what’s on the outside. trying to figure out how my overthinking and loneliness are correlated and seeing what i can do to stop it. i know that i don’t need to react to every single thing everybody says (like leaving a whatsapp reaction on read yk lel) because ik most people wouldn’t do that anyways so it’s kind of pointless to do so. but i should still probably make a couple more friends in class—there’s this girl that only speaks putonghua but she seems really chill, we’re partnered up for a project. i’ll see if i have the opportunity to hang out with her later. kind of feeling like i could start a conversation with like 90% of the class but i don’t really feel like myself with them. idk we don’t have that much in common and i don’t enjoy the notion of changing myself for other people. just really praying i can make more friends this year lol cuz there are only 1 or 2 that i’d consider true friends atm.

(biggest plot twist of life would be if i’m just overthinking all this shit lol imagine if that was true)

[sungbeam]

BESTIE BAEEEEEEEEE

I’m back 🤭🤭🤭

Tbh its been a rough few weeks 💀 ALSO HELP HOW COME EVERY TIME I DISAPPEAR YOU WHIP OUT SO MANY SCRUMPDILIUMPTIOUS FICS LIKE??? Not that I’m complaining tho 😋😋

Firstly, Occupied… hmmm mhmnn yeahh lemme just say that your impulsive thoughts are so valid 😔🙏 buT J E S U S DID YOU HAVE TO PUT MY HEART IN THE CROSSFIRE- I think I had to stare at my ceiling for a bit afterwards cause like damn… I love my man🗿

Secondly, Rhapsody Anonymous… had my kicking my feet as per usual 🙄🙄 and tbh the fact that both parties were valid in their reasoning for not wanting to out each other and tbh I would also be struggling on deciding whether to spill my identity or not 😭😭 but it was saUR SITIEKR CUTE 😭 man I feel like I set myself up each time I read/re-read the love in unity series cause each time they just call me more and more single and alone 😔💔 BUT FRET NOT I WILL USE THIS AS MOTIVATION AND LECTURE NOTES ON HOW TO GET A GOOD MAN 😤‼️

ALSO OMG DID YOU WATCH BARBIE YET??? Ok I think I gotta calm down I’ve been using too many caps 💀 but Lip Gloss is so Barbie too and the MV is literally a bunch of Kens doing Beach and you can’t convince me otherwise 😤☝️

My personal ranking of the album would be:

1. Fantasize

2. Fire Eyes

3. Passion Fruit

4. Lip Gloss

5. Lighthouse

6. Fairy Tale

But I honestly love all of them and I’ve listened to the album non-stopppppp!

Also yesss I did watch the zeneration behind and tell my whyyyyy New and Kevin ATE 🫣

Also the newest lip gloss mv behind took me OUT esp Changmin wiping TF OUTTTT with the volleyball net like eye- 💀💀

Also just to sneak in a lil abt the pcs… you din’t want to see the Totoro pcs… TRUST 😨😨 not safe for my mental health at ALL

Ouuu also my turn!

1. My fav bread would have to be seed bread! Not like, multigrain bread and idk if the right name is seed bread but it’s just in the name it’s bread made with a bunch of seeds mixed in 😭😭

2. My quirky snow app filter pics… oooooohhhh I hope those never see the light of day again 💀

3. No. 🗿

(But also just like you said, I’m patient but I’m also getting a lil bit impatient at the same time 😔)

4. The Robinson’s kid from meet the Robinsons…. Also Diego,,, and the Kratts broth-*gets shot*

Oh and maybe a few more questions!

1. Are you a tea person or a coffee person? What’s your fav drink?

2. Do you have a sweet tooth? If so, what’s your fav pastry?

3. If you could recommend any MUST HAVE food from your culture, what would it be?

(Can you tell that I’m craving a midnight snack rn 💀)

Oh also! I finally decided to start of my getting-back-into-reading journey with reading a book that has intrigued me and has been floating around a lot, Bunny by Mona Awad! I’ll let you know how it goes in a lil solo book club way 🫡

“I don’t know what they’re called, the spaces between seconds— but I think of you always in those intervals.” (Salvador Plascencia)

- Smooches + Smooches, 🌷 anon

omgg hi bestie 🤧🤧 what's been rough for u 😔 have u started school yet ☹️💔 im like,,, not ready to go back to uni, i wanna be a professional couch potato pls and thanks 😔

LOL pls (´Д⊂ヽ occupied was such a spur of the moment thing 💀 literally was going through MAJOR eric sohn brainrot and just had to get my thoughts down before i Combusted. bro... stared at my ceiling for a good while trying to find the perfect pics for that banner 😭 why's he gotta look that yummy 😭

aknfksnfkdkdk glad u liked rhaps anon bffie !!! bro frfr like this series is just me PROJECTING 💔💔💔 im projecting so VIOLENTLY it's embARRassing 💀 omg low-key i just remembered i pretty much based sunwoo's anonymous situation w how tumblr anons work 😭😭 but yeah for sure, i would also be kind of panicking over secret identities skfnkdnf

OMG I DID WATCH BARBIE I WATCHED IT ON PREMIERE NIGHT AND GOT GLAMMED UP !!! ur sooooooo so right omG??? lip gloss really is just a bunch of Kens doing Beach 😭😭 they're all Kenough for me tbh skcbsjnf but ugh omg im like obsessed w kevins little kick in the beginning of the choreo, and eric's one other jump thing, and chanhee's red light green light skfnkenfkdnfj such a good mv w so much fic potential tbh !!

hmmmm i haven't been listening to it as obsessively as i did be awake tbh 😭 maybe i'm just tired of summer songs 💔 but i would have to say i liked fantasize, fairytale, and fire eyes the most!! the whole album is a bop tho i do agree 🤸‍♀️😋

OH MY GOSH DO U MEAN NYUKEV ON THE STRIPPER POLES WKFNKENFKDNF HELP I SAW THAT CHANGMIN CLIP TOO 💀💀 I LAUGHED SO HARD IM SORRY CHANGMIN DONT HURT ME— omg but they were filming a variety show too and changmin lost a game and abused his gopro 😭😭😭 i felt so bad for that camera, but also low-key....... can that be me...

VRO I ALREADY SAW THE TOTORO ONES AKDNKSNFJD i was debating getting the album or joining a go for those special pcs but i ended up not doing it 😔

LMAO IM SORRY but when i saw seed bread, i just immediately thought of birds 😭😭 unrelated but i got a birb plush from daiso a couple days ago and i named him clyde 😎😎 THE SNOW FILTER APP SJFJKSJDJD I FEKT THAT DW 😭 OMG DIEGO UR SO RIGHT !!! (゜-゜) like sorry dora, ur cousin is much more entertaining ksnfkend

OMGGG i really need to start reading again 😭 it's awful how i can't even pick up a book anymore it's so embarrassing being an english major like this 💔 BUT YES PLS LMK HOW U LIKE IT o7

"& how many times have you loved me without my asking? how often have i loved a thing because you loved it? including me." - D. Smith, acknowledgements

— i love love loved you, and i'll love you all over again too 💖

[maganne-bonete]

Was suppose to write Candifica the whole day but I ended up procrastinating. I wanted write them making Korean pancakes or something but I've come to the realization that I actually hate cooking fics to begin with.

I usually don't end up reading a lot of good ones. The ones that I did enjoy aren't even the fluff kind. Typically related to some hurt and comfort, some closure while they're doing the cooking, or maybe even just angst. Also, a good chunk of the things I enjoy writing is related to introspection and then dialogue. Like lot's and lot's of thoughts on the blorbo's head. I guess it's cause I just struggle with describing action a lot.

But maybe I could still make it work but then there'd be some headcanons that might need some reworking just for this project.

Like, my typical hc (and probably the verse/au that I'd be working with) is that by the time they're already in their mid-teens, Paz has already done a lot of work on herself. She's still a work in progress, but she's not a bitch or asshole by any means. And at that point she's already close friends with Candy and Grenda.

Meanwhile, Candy, though did got bullied by her, pretty much buys into the mean girl/villain redemption narrative that she grew up with. Is there some sort of resentment or spite? Probably but that summer was just not normal for anyone in that town. And a good chunk of girl media from my experience always try to go with the whole redemption and forgiveness thing unless the image of pure evil exists in the story. (like idk the witches from Winx Club) In which case, to Candy that would be someone like Bill.

It doesn't help either that Mabel also advertises this idea that "Pacifica's not that bad. She just needs some saving from her evil parents." And it was easy for Candy to believe it in my post-canon au since Paz decided to start working in the dinner when they were still in middle school. But even then, Paz in my canon didn't really do the most heinous or unimaginable thing when they were younger. Also Wendy tends to bring people in together even whenever Mabel and Dipper aren't around, and this included Pacifica.

If Paz was really working on herself during middle school to be a better person, Candy was there to see it and even helped her.

Idk this is turning into a rant defending Paz and Candy's relationship that people don't really explore cause they keep isolating character interactions in most fan content. I guess it's cause I see so much potential with these two.

But anw I should probably try working on a quick one-shot plot now.

So, here's what I'm trying to cook up. (Pun unintended)

Them and their friends were over at Candy's house for that weekend while her parents are away to have a movie marathon and sleepover with friends.

They make vegetable pancakes for the gang to snack on.

Candy asks help from Paz in the kitchen cuz though they're cooking Korean food and Candy's mom left instructions by the fridge and even pre-cut vegetables. Candy is scared as fuck with anything kitchen related that isn't a microwave or the electric kettle.

Yes, Candy can't cook. Asian women who can't cook exist, and she's one of them.

But luckily, Paz has some experience in the kitchen and food by working in the dinner. I could imagine Lazy Susan teaching her a lot of things to help her take care of herself.

So they do some cooking. Paz tells Candy that she can try learning. "Cause hey, look at me." but Candy's like "Nooo, my brain does not care for such. It is for robots, computers, and improving the human condition." etc. Stuff like that.

Like to Candy, Paz is good at learning a lot of things and starts contemplating on how different she is today compared to back then.

There's gonna be a part were while making pancakes, Paz made a heart shaped one for Candy and she calls her out on how cheesy she is and such. They share a kiss maybe O 3 O

So yeah, I should get to it then.

[nakomrade]

Concept, and all that.

Hey. It’s us. Welcome to our Discord server where we’re both the mods so everyone (most probably) needs to obey all of our rules. Maybe. Perhaps. Really? Not really. We’re going straight to the introduction later–is that even important? Maybe. What if we’re keeping it anonymous for a moment? Sounds good? We’re on the internet anyway, you’ll get to know us more later on, along the way, as you help us with this project.

Project? Yeah. We (kinda) need your help, like.. Right now, preferably. It all started when we enrolled on this one particular class–which is cool, by the way– we’re not THAT jobless (we’re also not a 50 years old crunchy guy or what-so-ever so you don’t have to worry about it. The only question though: will you believe us?). We’re in our 5th semester, I think... And we’re in this System Development class where this (cross) damn (cross) cool lecturer asked us to gather some people to test out our system which can do stuff yada yada yada you guys probably don’t want to hear it anyway and.. Well! We’re both just two hopeless introverted weebs so.. Drum rooooll, please? 🥁 We’re gonna make one system where LITERALLY anyone could make some friends ONLINE, without any worries, ever. Seriously, who wouldn’t want THAT? Yes, you read it right. We’re gonna make a system.. Possibly tinder-like so everyone would probably know each other’s likes and dislikes. BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, we’re both awkward potatoes… UwU OwO nya.. So.. WE ARE: IN DIRE NEED OF SOME FRIENDS TO REALLY GET IT DONE! But not just to get our project done though.. Listen here.. What if.. You.. me.. My partner.. Have.. some fun.. Together.. On this.. Discord server.. And also.. Our system..? Haha..

BUT SERIOUSLY, the system’s gonna be fun, like.. FOR REAL.. (maybe..) We already have so many things going on in our heads just to get everyone bonded to the fullest so pls just help us ok like pretty pls and btw here are our criteria for our future makeshift clique:

UM WELL.. no need to have any degree in Computer Science or so, you can also have a Culinary Art degree and cook us some delish dishes for lunch every single day it’s okay we’re very open to another options.. (and free lunch). You can also be a high school student and open a free soccer club here.. teach us to work out so that we’re not gonna end up dead by the lack of sunlight or UHHHHH you can also be a mage or something and help us charming people to use our system.. We’re pretty much-accepting everyone here ATP.

NEED THOSE WHO CAN START HELPING US ASAP!! LIKE.. we’re both procrastinators so this is due in.. idk.. A week???????

IDK TBH just pls be our friends we’re kinda lonely uwu.. haha.. owo.. >___< nyaaw.

[zephfair]

Helloooo!!! I love your fics. Idk why but I would love to read a haunted house pynch version of you haha :D I mean, if you ever need some ideas and feel inclined to write that... I would be super happy!! But obviously it is just an idea, I dont mean to say you have to write anything I say :) I just love how you write pynch, your humour, and generally your fics. And I have been craving a haunted house fic :D Anyway, all the best!!

AAAh, thank you so much! You are way too kind to me!😭 I'm sorry it took me a while to write this, and it's pre-pynch, but I hope you like it! Please let me know if this hit your craving for a haunted house fic!💖💖💖

Rated T for language, I think the only other warning is talking about standard haunted house stuff.

This could take place in canon, soon before The Raven King and definitely before Ronan's birthday and the 😘

“I’m just saying,” Ronan said for at least the fourth time in an hour, “why do you want to go to a stupid haunted house when you live with a fucking ghost?”

“That’s a good question,” Noah suddenly appeared right at his shoulder, and Ronan jumped straight into the air and grabbed his chest.

“Holy Christ, you little shit!” he yelled in a very manly voice, certainly not a screech.

“Sorry,” Noah said, sounding not sorry at all. “Did I scare you?”

Ronan swore again. “I think you gave me a heart attack.”

“I don’t know, Lynch, you might not be fit to even go into this haunted house,” Adam said.

“If you’re uncomfortable, Ronan,” Gansey began but Ronan cut off that bullshit real quick.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” he sneered. “And I’m not not fit,” he said with some confusion but then he found his stride. “I’m just saying that haunted houses suck, especially when you’ve seen some of the shit we’ve seen. Why should I have to pay for someone else to try and fail to scare me?”

“In other words, you’ve dreamed up unworldly, eldritch abominations that were out to kill you...and now you’re afraid to go into a haunted house created by Henrietta high kids,” Adam spelled it out.

Ronan bristled immediately, somehow looking just like Chainsaw when she fluffed herself out in defense. “I’m not afraid!”

“Does this have something to do with your religion?” Gansey worried at his lip and eyed Ronan carefully. “I know some religions forbid celebrating anything that reeks of a pagan ceremony. Although, the origins of Halloween are—”

“I don’t have anything against Halloween,” Ronan grit out. “In fact, let’s go trick or treating right the fuck now. I’m just saying that haunted houses … are stupid,” he finished weakly.

“Well, now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s go, Gansey,” Adam said, already turning away from the car.

“I just thought it would be a fun evening together. Parrish has the night off, and Jane told us about this project that her school does to raise funds for local children.”

“Oh, so that’s why you wanted to come. What, is she going to swoon into your arms in fright, the damsel in distress you can save?” Ronan said with as much sarcasm as he could slather on it.

Gansey froze him with a Look. “Jane is actually working tonight. I thought this would be a boys-night only activity.”

Ronan snorted and looked away. The haunted house was in an old faux-Victorian house on the outskirts of town. Ronan had heard about it before, that the high school theater kids manned the event with a lot of adult supervision to raise money for boys and girls clubs. It definitely wasn’t a high tech or expensive endeavor, but Ronan didn’t like the way his stomach clenched when he looked at the covered windows that were flashing from bright lights inside.

Adam sighed loudly. “Come on, if you’re coming, Lynch. I don’t want to spend my one night off just standing in a parking lot.”

Ronan told him what he could do to himself instead. Adam just glared, unimpressed by the vulgarity.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Gansey said, clearly uncomfortable by their attitudes.

“No! Go in! It’ll be fun,” Noah said and nudged Ronan in the ribs, making him shiver. “Do you want me to come with to protect you?”

Ronan shivered again. “I’m more likely to have a heart attack if you keep blowing your coldass ghost breath in my ear.”

“Come on, Lynch,” Adam said again but then he smirked. “I’ll even hold your hand, if it makes you feel better.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Ronan grumbled but slowly and very reluctantly got out of the car. Gansey smiled beatifically and led the way toward the entrance while Ronan followed even more slowly. He didn’t want to admit that holding Adam’s hand probably would make him feel better.

The line to get in moved more quickly than Ronan would’ve liked, and the screams and loud noises audible from inside were more disturbing that he would’ve liked too. They finally entered a sort of lean-to that had been built around the exterior entrance to the house’s basement.

There, a bubbly high school girl briefly spelled out the rules (no alcohol, no drugs, no guns, no knives, no violence) and warned them to stay together in the groups she made and not deviate from the marked path. They would start in the basement, working their way up through the horrors of the house until the grand finale on the third floor after which they got to take an inflatable slide to the ground again.

That was the only part Ronan looked forward to.

Then she said, “If you’re with a friend who you think might have a violent or extreme reaction to a jump scare, we ask that you please help restrain them. We value the safety of our performers. Maybe hold hands so your group doesn’t get separated and you all stay together.”

Gansey and Adam shared a Look then each grabbed one of Ronan’s arms—Gansey clutching his right bicep tightly, Adam latching onto Ronan’s left forearm. “Oh fuck you guys,” he hissed.

“We never know how our fight or flight reactions will react until they’re triggered,” Gansey hissed back.

But Ronan did know. He knew the reactions to stress were fight, flight, or freeze. And he’d seen Gansey face enough potential wasp and bee catastrophes to know that he was firmly in the freeze category. And Adam had never once fought back or fled from his father so he was another freezer.

While Ronan, well, he knew that he’d be the first to flee, if that was a choice. Sure, he might throw a punch to gain some time, but if he was alone and not having to protect his loved ones, he’d be away.

So he wasn’t amused that his friends felt the need to restrain him. But his bitterness eased a little when they moved to go down the basement steps, and Adam’s hand slid down his arm to take his hand. Gansey had done the same, casually holding onto his hand like he would a child waiting to cross the street. But Adam, he slid their hands together then entwined their fingers until his bony thumb caressed over the top of Ronan’s.

Ronan gulped and was thankful that the dark hid his burning cheeks and the loud sound effects covered his little whimper.

The first basement room wasn’t that bad as a recreation of a witch’s lair. It was dark with strategic red and purple lights on different scary looking implements. Ronan mumbled, “Satanic magic bullshit,” when a loud witch’s cackle rolled through the room and the witch popped up right in front of them.

Gansey yelled and stepped back right onto Ronan’s foot, which made him yell and swear and jerk back into Adam, which made him yell and squeeze Ronan’s hand so tightly he yelled again.

At least, that’s what they all agreed to afterward.

As the witch’s cackle continued, Gansey hurried them toward the door. “Well, that wasn’t frightening at all,” he shouted over his shoulder. Ronan didn’t answer, too busy brushing fake cobwebs off his head and out of his mouth. That was the problem with letting shorter Gansey go first—it left all the higher decorations smacking Ronan in the face and head.

Adam snickered against his back until Ronan purposely ducked so Adam got a faceful of sticky spiderweb and spit it out with a yuck.

The second room was a graveyard with fake tomb stones and several plastic skeletons that dropped from the ceiling. It was too loud to talk, with recorded screams and other so-called scary noises coming at irregular intervals.

Ronan was starting to feel a little like a stress ball, Gansey first pulling him along then stopping abruptly at a jump scare while squeezing his hand. From behind him, Adam alternately held back, straining Ronan’s arm then crowded tight against his back. Ronan wasn’t about to complain about that. He just tried to balance between the two and shut his eyes at times to keep the flashing lights from giving him a worse headache.

After the last zombie had popped up from a gravestone and menaced them, Gansey spotted the stairs and started pulling them along.

“Holy fuck, this fucking noise,” Ronan ground out, shaking his head.

He didn’t know how Adam even heard him over the growing din from the next room, but he must have. Adam pressed up against his side and breathed hotly in his ear, “How can you complain about this noise when I’ve heard the so-called music you listen to?”

“Oh fuck you,” Ronan said right as a man wearing a leather mask brandished a chainsaw at them. They all obligingly screamed and Ronan felt torn apart again as the other two jostled him in different directions.

Eventually they all got going the same way, headed down a very narrow corridor that apparently wound in a maze through the ground floor. There were scary mirrors, scary zombies, scary clowns, scary fake tarantulas and snakes, whatever was a common fear was represented somewhere.

Ronan was almost getting used to it by the second floor. The horribly loud noises were off-putting, and the flashing lights with alternating pitch-black darkness were jarring, but the jump-scares were actually tame in comparison to the stuff they’d seen.

Even Adam seemed like he was relaxing, and Ronan thought he heard Adam laugh with his forehead pressed against Ronan’s shoulder blade when Gansey got a fake snake around the neck and shrieked doing a little get-it-off-me dance.

Until they got to the stairway to the top floor. There was thick fog floating down, and blue UV lights that made white glow but left everything else in darkness. Gansey squeezed Ronan’s hand and glanced back over his shoulder. “Excelsior!” he cried and started up the stairs.

“Fuck this,” Ronan yelled back and Adam clenched his hand in agreement.

The noises had redoubled, this time combined with a pounding bass beat that was more similar to Ronan’s music than he’d admit but what also sounded like the house had a very arrhythmic, racing heartbeat. It was dark and thick with fog, only the UV light strobing occasionally.

Ronan had to admit it was unnerving. There were definitely people there, just out of reach, but the strobing light made their motion unnatural, unearthly, and only lit parts of their outfits so they flitted from place to place. Ronan couldn’t even push them away as they came closer, circling the group of three.

Then all the lights went out and something collided hard with Ronan’s right arm. He clutched Gansey’s hand even harder and yelled. Gansey had stopped so Ronan took a step closer and whatever hit him didn’t try again.

But the movement had taken him further from Adam and when something rammed into their hands, he felt Adam’s fingers slipping. Ronan was off balance and tried to turn back to move closer to where Adam should be, but something that felt like a human body fell heavily where they were linked, and Adam’s hand disappeared.

“Adam,” Ronan screamed as loudly as he could, wildly reaching, swinging his arm in every direction feeling for Adam.

“Lynch, come on,” Gansey pulled him in the opposite direction in the darkness, but Ronan was turned around in the blackness and kept reaching for where he thought Adam should be.

When he felt his hand brush soft material, he thanked God, almost sobbing, and fisted his hand in Adam’s shirt. Ronan pulled with all his strength, and Adam moved willingly toward him even as Gansey continued to pull him away.

But it was okay, he had a handful of Adam and he was never letting go again. The darkness pressed in on him, he gasped for breath, the fake fog choking him, and his hand sweated in the cotton of Adam’s shirt, his arm wrenched behind him painfully to keep clinging to Adam.

He didn’t understand why Adam let himself be pulled along, it couldn’t be comfortable, why didn’t Adam take his hand again.

Then he looked back right as the black light strobed. And he knew why Adam didn’t respond.

It wasn’t Adam he was clutching.

It was some kind of evil, possessed, Victorian doll but child-sized, in a torn frilly dress, its face a gaping maw of a black mouth and gaping black holes where the eyes should be.

Ronan screamed. He couldn’t even let go of the tight grasp he had on the doll’s sleeve—he just froze and screamed.

When the doll stepped closer right as the light went off, Ronan tore free from Gansey and ran.

Right into a wall that knocked him right onto his ass.

At least it made him stop screaming. He sat on the floor, shaking, rubbing the growing bump on his forehead until the light flashed on again.

And the doll was standing right above him.

He screamed again then saw another shirt glowing behind the doll. A familiar hand landed on the doll’s shoulder and pulled it back.

“I think you’ve scared him enough, Blue,” Adam said.

**********

Ronan sat on the curb down the street from the haunted house and gasped for air. His head hung between his knees which were currently somewhere up around his ears. He hadn’t passed out, exactly, but things had gone black around the edges and he didn’t really remember getting out of the building.

Apparently, Gansey had joined them and between the three of them, they got Ronan onto the slide that took them down to the parking lot. There a volunteer medic had examined Ronan’s forehead, offered him a bandaid, and told him to sit down for a while.

“Here, Lynch,” Adam said, and a sweating bottle of water was pushed into his face.

Ronan took it gratefully, sitting up enough to twist it open and take a long drink. It helped a little, or at least, helped calm his hyperventilating while he chugged and swallowed.

He wiped his mouth with his forearm and shivered. He still couldn’t look Adam in the eyes. “I’m sorry I ruined your one night out or whatever,” he muttered.

Adam sighed and sat down beside him, close enough that his shoulder and arm were solidly pressing against Ronan’s. It made Ronan feel grounded in a way he didn’t realize he was missing.

“You didn’t ruin my night,” Adam said, nudging him a little in the ribs. “It wasn’t my idea to come to this.”

“Yeah, but you were looking forward to it, and then I went and ruined it.”

“First, you didn’t ruin anything. And second, I was just looking forward to being with you. And Gansey,” he added a beat later.

“So you guys weren’t planning this all along?” Ronan had to ask, had to voice his growing fear that somehow they’d all conspired to laugh at him.

“Hell no,” Adam said and pulled away.

Ronan shut his eyes. Of course he had to go and piss off Adam. Way to go, Ronan.

“Lynch. Ronan, look at me.” But Adam had only withdrawn far enough so he could turn to face Ronan. He put his hands on Ronan’s shoulders and tried to turn him a little too.

Ronan finally opened his eyes to see Adam leaning very close but he hung his head again. “Do you really think we would do something to hurt you? You know Gansey loves you like a brother, and Blue loves you like a menace, and I … well, we wouldn’t ever do that to you.”

“I didn’t want to come.”

“We shouldn’t have made you, whatever your reason for not wanting to come. It was a pretty lame haunted house, anyway. And now I’ve got a splitting headache from the noises.”

“Oh shit,” Ronan’s head jerked up. “I didn’t even think about that. God, that must have been torture with your ear. Can I do anything for you?”

Adam looked at him with an expression Ronan couldn’t decipher. Finally he said, “Give me a drink?”

Ronan passed over the water bottle and watched Adam’s throat move as he drank the rest of it. He was trying not to think about swapping spit and backwash with Adam when it hit him.

“Did you actually buy me a bottle of water?” Ronan demanded. “Lemme pay you back.”

“It’s okay, Lynch,” Adam put the cap back on the empty bottle. “My treat.”

“No, that’s not right. I owe you—”

“Ronan. It’s fine. I can afford to get you a water.” Adam stretched out, leaning back on his elbows and looking way more casual than Ronan felt at the moment.

“Well, then I’ll pay you back.”

“Maybe you can buy me a burger. For lunch tomorrow?”

“That’d be awesome. Yeah. Sure.” The words tumbled out of Ronan, and Adam grinned up at him.

Ronan grinned back then hung his head again. “I just can’t believe this was such a clusterfuck. Dick is going to kill me if I ruined his night too.”

“You wanna talk about why you didn’t want to come in the first place?”

“The fuck would I want to talk about?” Ronan muttered and Adam didn’t answer. They sat in silence for a moment until he said, “I just don’t like shit like that.”

“Halloween shit? Haunted shit? Badly performed high school productions?”

Ronan smirked in gratitude at Adam’s casual snark. “Just...shit that only pretends to be scary. Like, one part of your mind is trying to fool the rest into thinking it’s reality just so it can pretend to be scared and get all that adrenaline and shit. It’s like a big con of yourself.”

“Like a lie?”

“Yeah, exactly. I get enough of that in dreams, only in my dreams, what my mind might manifest will actually kill me. If I thought up a creepy haunted doll, that thing is going to murder everyone I love. This,” he gestured back at the house, “This is just weird. I don’t get why people want to pay to put themselves in a fake situation that they know isn’t real just to feel real fear.”

Adam crinkled the water bottle until Ronan looked over at him. “I get it. I think. It’s about vulnerability and control. In your dreams, reality is terrifying and surreal and you might have to run for your life. Or come up with a way to stop the creepy haunted doll. But it’s you doing it. You have the choice to run or fight for your life, so you’re ultimately in control of what happens.”

“Yes,” Ronan said, grateful that somehow he got it. “I’m not chained down and forced to see and do things I don’t want to do. I’m in charge.”

Adam nodded slowly and nudged him. “So no more haunted houses. How do you feel about roller coasters?”

“My driving is the best answer to anyone who wants to ride an artificial scary ride,” Ronan boasted, mostly to make Adam laugh, which he did. Then Adam nudged into his side and they stayed there in companionable silence until Gansey and Blue stood over them.

“Here, Ronan. They say sugar is good for shock, so we got you some hot chocolate,” Gansey held the cup down to him.

Ronan glanced over at Adam who shrugged. “Fine,” he grumbled and accepted the cup.

“I had no idea it would happen like that, Ronan,” Blue said.

Ronan shrugged and swirled the lukewarm hot chocolate.

“I must say, I was mightily surprised to see you there, Jane. After you said you couldn’t make it,” Gansey said cheerily.

“I talked to one of the girls I know in the theater club, and she helped me out with a costume. They sneaked me in to the top floor where I just kind of hung out until they signaled you were coming up.”

Ronan looked up at Blue who looked much less diabolical under the ordinary street light. Her dress and wig were obviously threadbare and worn, and the makeup that had transformed her face into a waking nightmare looked just dark and odd without the UV light.

She shrugged sheepishly under Ronan’s glare. “I didn’t plan it to happen like that. We were going to separate you and Gansey so I’d be holding his hand when he looked back and freaked out. But when I Red Rovered you two, I couldn’t separate you.”

“Red Rovered?” Gansey interrupted.

“You know, that kids’ game? When you hold hands in a line and another kid runs at your arms to try and break you apart?”

Gansey shook his head, never having partaken in the games of ordinary schoolchildren.

“Anyway,” Blue continued, “you and Gansey were, like, glued together so I tried you and Adam instead, and that worked. Two of the other girls had to grab Adam to hold him back while I got in his place.”

They all looked over at Adam. “All I felt was someone run into me and Ronan’s hands until I couldn’t hold on anymore. When I tried to grab him again, people were holding my arms. I thought it was part of the performance until the light came on and I recognized you. And what you were doing to Ronan.”

“I didn’t mean to do anything to Ronan!” Blue insisted. “I’m sorry it freaked you out so bad; I didn’t know that would happen. I just wanted to scare Gansey.”

“It’s okay, Sargent,” Ronan said, proud that his voice was now steady. “It totally freaked me out. Your makeup is badass. You looked like a crazyass doll possessed by the devil.”

Blue smiled proudly and held out her fist. Ronan bumped it with his own. He felt Adam take a deep breath beside him and let it out in relief. Ronan bumped his shoulder into Adam’s.

“Well, I don’t know how I feel about you going to all that trouble just to frighten me,” Gansey said with a little pout.

“Drink your hot chocolate, Gansey,” Adam said and Gansey obeyed.

“So what now? Are you guys ready to grab something to eat?” he said after a long sip. “I feel like burgers.”

“Nah,” Ronan said. “I don’t want a burger tonight. Maybe tomorrow,” he glanced at Adam out of the corner of his eye, “but not now.”

“Who said you get to pick?” Blue asked.

Ronan pointed to his forehead. “I’m the one who got injured. I should get to pick.”

“That sub place out in the strip mall is doing a buy one-get one special,” Adam said.

“Perfect,” Ronan said and Blue nodded. She held out her hand which confused Ronan at first, but then he realized what she was offering. He took her hand for show but got himself to his feet then reached down and ruffled her hair. “Wear that get-up into the sub shop and they might run out screaming so we could get free food.”

She laughed, and Ronan knew they’d be okay. He turned to see Adam smiling up at the two of them so he stuck out his hand. Adam laughed and took it, letting Ronan bear some of his weight. Ronan made a big deal out of pulling him harder and closer than necessary.

“Do I get to hold your hand again too, Ronan?” Gansey’s voice broke Ronan out of his reverie.

Ronan let go of Adam and turned to Gansey. “Any time you want, Dick, any time. Even though you did leave me to the mercies of the evil doll. And you let me run into a wall.”

“Well, next time, I won’t let go,” Gansey promised with a sincerity that made Ronan a little embarrassed.

“Wow, Dick, that’s really romantic,” he sneered, to make all of them roll their eyes and say his name in various tones of frustration.

Then he slung his arm over Gansey’s shoulder and started off toward the Pig, calling behind him, “C’mon you two. Parrish, bring the doll so Gansey can play with her later.”

Then Gansey sputtered and Blue started yelling again, and Ronan felt like they were back to normal. As long as he never, ever had to go into another haunted house again.

[queeniecamps]

the way I’m just fucking TEMPTED to make a fic that’s just the canon episodes but in a high school setting... I can’t