#but i've talked about it way more on discord so it's probably more of a newer idea on here

[tinfoil-jones]

For Your Own Good: Intermission

Askbox? Open

If you don't know what this post is about, "For Your Own Good" or tagged as "Early Amnesia AU" on tumblr is a dialogue-only Gravity Falls fanfiction I've been working on that kinda-sorta follows a Mystery Trio -esque timeline, where Ford doesn't build the portal. To sum it up, the whole fanfiction boils down to:

Researcher Ford: I told you I never wanted to see you again.

Mullet Stan: Dude, I don't know who you are or WTF you're talking about right now, but I'm leaving this town and never coming back. You are never seeing me again after this. I'm probably going to forget you in like five minutes.

Researcher Ford:

Researcher Ford: *immediately kidnaps him*

You can consider chapters 1-10 to be Act 1 of the fanfic, and I’m taking a break for at least a week, most likely longer. The chapters so far were already written out in advance, and so was a huge reveal, but I still need to tie things together.

Here’s some authors notes/extra stuff about it, some of it might have already been put in the AO3 before or after notes. These are in no particular order:

This takes place 10 years after Ford and Stan were separated, currently they are both 27 about to be 28. Fiddleford is slightly older than them, being in his early 30s.

Ford is unironically the only person who finds Stan’s really dumb jokes funny.

Ford is the one who displays the most behaviours that would be seen from Mabel and Dipper decades later. Like Dipper, he views washing clothes as a waste of time, and like Mabel he ate an entire tube of toothpaste (granted, it was on accident)

While Ford is the more likely of the two to display traits that later present in Mabel and Dipper, it still happens with Stan as well. Stan has a similar nervous-chewing habit that Dipper displays in the OG series, but his only comes out when he’s particularly anxious. In this case, it was because he had nicotine cravings.

The 'That motherfucker is ugly' line that Stan used on Ford can be considered extra ironic because of how much the Stan Twins look like their dad.

Bill Cipher was originally supposed to speak in Times New Bastard (which is Times New Roman except every 7th letter is jarringly sans serif, a meme from tumblr), but AO3 and tumblr don’t let you change the font.

Stan goes out of his way to avoid using Ford and Fiddlefords given names- but this isn’t because he doesn’t know what they are. In the few times he has used their names, it was a sign that he was being sincere.

If you want to wonder whether or not Fiddleford likes Stan back, consider the fact that he could have walked away at any point, and either washed his hands of the whole thing, or just outright reported Stanford to the authorities. 

Bill is more like Discord from MLP - he’s just chaotic, often to the detriment of others, but he isn’t outright malicious (anymore), and he’s too busy SIMPING to cause any real harm. Basically, Bill is Fords patron for studying weirdness - he helps Ford in his research, but the cost that Ford pays is that Bill is able to possess him when he sleeps, and has unlimited access to his brain.

If Ford knew Rick Sanchez, why didn’t Rick see how similar Stan looked and put 2-and-2 together? Easy; Rick didn’t give a single shit about Ford, so he never committed his face or name to memory. Ford himself only remembered Rick because Rick was such a massive, egotistical asshole. If anything, Rick would think Ford is the lesser version of Stan.

Chapter 10 was the first concrete proof that the Stan we’ve been following likely is Stanley Pines and not some similar conman named Stan Malone. The last time Ford saw Stan would have either been when they were teens, so other than Stans commercials for his failed products there’s no way Ford would know what an adult Stan would even look like, and he’d have to use himself as a reference.

Stan has given some insight on his Thalassophobia (fear of the ocean / large bodies of water). In Chapter 10, he told Ford a number of things he escaped, including the trunk of a sinking car, and cement shoes. Cement shoes are either when you tie someone to a cinder block and throw them into a body of water, or when you literally incase their feet in cement, wait for it to dry, and then toss them into a body of water, so they’ll drown. Presumably, these are still things that would have happened to him even if he didn't lose his memories, so why would it give him a fear of the ocean now? Stan Pines in the OG still had a lot of positive memories associated with the ocean - he grew up on the coast, and had a lot of his hopes and dreams tied to the ocean. But without his childhood memories, he has no positive associations with it, only memories of times he almost drowned. 

Ford himself is not a touchy guy. The reason he hugs Stan even though it isn’t reciprocated is because from his perspective, this is his twin brother who is in pain and has been suffering all by himself for a long time. And Stan - at least how Ford remembers him - had a very touch-based love language. Fords doing it because he thinks it’d comfort him.

Stan seems pretty calm and chill for someone who’s been kidnapped by a ‘stranger’. This isn’t because he’s an overall chill guy because of amnesia, no he’s super pissed and the second he knows he’s free he will let them know that with his words, and incredible violence. He’s remaining calm because he’s been imprisoned and kidnapped enough times to know that pitching a fit or lashing out at his captors won’t do him any favours.

Fiddleford is still married to Emma-May and they do have Tate. But it's one of those lavender marriages (they're both gay and mutually bearding each other)

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i have officially returned. ask me anything.

[tired-needs-sleep]

Omg yes, let Sara slay. (Literally) Oh yeah so who did she kill? And why? I never thought she was the type.

she hasn't killed the person i had in mind yet. it'll have to happen when later releases of desolation come out (likely in its postgame, tbh).

...but i sure think about it. something so cathartic about that particular situation.

just know that the main triggers for their killer instinct is revenge or to protect someone.

now, for the rejuvenation saras, both of them have killed at least one person. paragon sara tried to kill geara on valor by dragging him down with them, but he kicked them off.

chapter 14 + renegade spoilers below.

i count this one as a death. during the rush to the pyramid, they came across the statues of two familiar people. they could sense a weak life force from them, and went into a blind rage. they struck one of the statues, and it crumbled before their strength.

the mere sight of that woman. the way they could sense she was still there. she was still there after all these years- and she lived the rest of her life likely without consequences. and- and! left them alone there.

all alone.

my headcannon is that as long as the statue isn't destroyed in a way that'd kill a real person, the life force of the person that was stoned is generally okay until it fades with time. (basically, i think one of the statues with its head broken off is dead dead. while one with a missing arm could be barely alive.) it's based on a line from aelita, where she says she can sense a weak life force from the statues there.

pargaon sara shattered it into thousands of pieces in one fell swoop. there's no surviving that.

she nearly went for the others, but ren and aelita managed to calm them down enough to refocus on the mission.

now, for renegade sara... they're the one that does the castle zygara quest. they let karrina kill karen, and were tempted to kill karrina too, but spared her until .karma files. that's where things get.. good.

sara is very wary of garufans. they bring up a blood-stained memory, one from eons before they were born... one that struck icy fear through them, so.. she really doesn't like karrina that much.

they don't end of night her until she's dead. they kill her themself, by eating her soul straight out of her body. think of it like how chandelure burns souls. they also have the choice to make it painful or not, and that time they made it excruciating for her.

i do not know if souls have any sort of nutritional value to them. i want to say no, but i think they have different tastes based on the personality of the person.

[madlori]

On being an older fangirl

I was probably 10 years old when I first conceived of what was, looking back, fanfiction. Me and my best friend would lie in bed together on sleepovers and I'd make up stories about what happened after the end of our favorite book, "The Westing Game." She'd ask me for more stories, and I'd tell her more, inventing them as I went along. "Then what?" she'd say.

I was 14 when I went to my first convention. I had discovered Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was 1987, and my youth pastor was a huge Trekkie. He took me to a one-day crappy Creation con, but it was amazing to me. I met Nichelle Nichols. My dad showed me the Trek movies. He and I watched TNG together.

When I went to college in 1991, my dad used to videotape TNG episodes onto VHS tapes and mail them to me, so I could keep watching (I didn't have TV in my dorm room).

By the time I was a senior, we had Trek watching parties in the dorm lounge, where the TV had cable. Star Trek: Voyager had started up, and I wrote a column about it for the college newspaper. I joined a mailing list about it, with people in it that I still know today.

I got my first computer that could go online in 1995. I was on newsgroups. I discovered Doctor Who. I went to Trek conventions where we still passed around fanzines containing fic and art and smutty K/S fan creations.

Then it was Harry Potter. Then there were websites. Then there was Geocities, where we could all make our own little spots. We organized them into webrings. We talked on newsgroups and mailing lists. There were fanfic archives. Then there was fanfiction.net.

Then...there was LiveJournal. And we could interact in entirely new ways. We could form communities, and debate things, and fight over canon, and get into ship wars. On LiveJournal, I met my best friend of 22 years. I was in her wedding. She's my sister of the heart (which is what she calls me).

Then there was Tumblr. And Twitter. And now there's Discord. But it's all the same.

I am the same.

I am still that little girl who made up fanfiction in her head to entertain her best friend. I am still the one who was amazed to find communities on the internet - which was so new, so raw, so uncommodified - where others like me could meet. I found there people to meet in real life.

I am still that twentysomething going to her first major convention, being told that someone loved my fic, being asked about my writing process.

I am still that thirtysomething watching something I wrote blow up. Seeing friends from other fandoms find me in new ones, finding them there, too. Forgetting which fandom I know someone from, because I've known them for twenty years.

I still know some of the people who created those early websites, those mailing lists, those archives. I still meet people in new fandoms who say "Oh, I read your fic in [fandom] fifteen years ago!" There's no feeling quite like having someone remember something you wrote for that long. Or meeting someone whose fic meant a lot to YOU, or who you talked with on rec.arts.drwho.creative in 1997.

Aging in fandom is a gift. Being middle-aged in fandom is a joy. Having people who still read what I write and ask "Then what?" is a blessing.

It breaks my heart that so many people see it as something to be ashamed of, when it is one of my life's greatest gifts.

[queerautism]

It feels kinda wild I've seen no one mention the huge controversy NaNoWriMo was in about 7 months ago (Link to a reddit write up, there's also a this google doc on it) in this whole recent AI discourse. The main concerns people had were related to the 'young writers' forum, a moderator being an alledged predator, and general moderation practices being horrible and not taking things like potential grooming seriously.

About 5 months ago, after all of that went down, MLs or 'Municipal Liaisons', their local volunteers organisers for different regions of the world, were offered a horrible new agreement that basically tried to shut them up about the issues they'd been speaking up about. Some of these issues included racism and ableism that the organisation offered zero support with.

When there was pushback and MLs kept sharing what was going on, NaNoWriMo removed ALL OF THEM as MLs and sent in a new, even more strict agreement that they would have to sign to be allowed back in their volunteer position.

This agreement included ways of trying to restrict their speech even further, from not being able to share 'official communications' to basically not being allowed to be in discord servers to talk to other MLs in places not controlled by NaNoWriMo. You also had to give lots of personal information and submit to a criminal background check, despite still explicitly leaving their local regions without support and making it very clear everyone was attending the OFFICIAL in person events 'at their own risk'.

Many MLs refused to sign and return. Many others didn't even know this was happening, because they did not get any of the emails sent for some reason. NaNoWriMo basically ignored all their concerns and pushed forward with this.

Many local regions don't exist anymore. I don't know who they have organising the rest of them, but it's likely spineless people that just fell in line, people who just care about the power, or new people who don't understand what's going on with this organisation yet. Either way, this year is absolutely going to be a mess.

Many of the great former MLs just went on to organise their writing communities outside of the official organisation. NaNoWriMo does not own the concept of writing a novel in a month.

R/nanowrimo is an independent subreddit that has been very critical of the organisation since this all happened, and people openly recommend alternatives for word tracking, community, etc there, so I highly recommend checking it out.

I've seen Trackbear recommended a lot for an alternative to the word tracking / challenge, and will probably be using it myself this November.

Anyway, just wanted to share because a lot of people haven't heard about this, and I think it makes it extremely clear that the arguments about "classism and ableism" @nanowrimo is using right now in defense of AI are not vaguely misguided, but just clear bullshit. They've never given a single shit about any of that stuff.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

[howtofightwrite]

Is it possible to punch someone in the face in a way that causes visible damage, but doesn't impair them much in the long term?

It's extremely possible.

Your face is, mostly, a lot of soft tissue positioned directly over bone. This means that blows to the face, even relatively minor ones, are likely to produce disproportionately nasty looking injuries, without inflicting any meaningful impairment.

The first two are bleeding. Either from splitting the skin open, or via bruising. When there is bruising, there's also going to be some swelling (because there's relatively few places for the blood to go), so the victim has extremely visible injuries, which will be painful, but are otherwise mostly cosmetic.

Of course, bleeding from the face will look incredibly bad, whether that's from the nose, a split lip, or from simply from the skin tearing during the punch, but, again, that's going to be mostly cosmetic.

Cuts in the mouth can be a bit worse, but again, this can result in symptoms that look much worse than they are. Normally, if you're coughing up blood, that's an extremely bad situation, however, if someone has punched you in the nose and started a bleed running back down your throat, or if you've bitten your tongue or cheek, you may be literally spitting up blood, without being in serious peril.

Cuts to the cheeks and lips can also be caused by your foe driving the soft tissue into your teeth. This can also result in injuries that have difficulty clotting. The actual blood loss isn't serious, but it can be annoying if you've gotten a gashed lip that refuses to stop leaking blood for hours. (I'm speaking from personal experience here.)

A broken nose is a bit more serious. Not because they're particularly dangerous, but because it's likely to permanently alter the angle of your nose. This will also result in a lot of blood making the injury look worse than it actually is. Again, you're not going to lose a meaningful amount of blood, but it'll look exceptionally bad.

While it's less likely to occur with a punch, cuts to the forehead, even relatively solid gashes, are another cases where it will look far worse than the injury is. Your forehead is one of the most heavily armored portions of your body, and cuts there are likely to cause a lot of visible bleeding, without resulting in a meaningful loss of blood. If your body works the way it's supposed to, bleeding from the forehead should get into your eyebrows and flow around your eye, without obscuring your vision. In practice, you absolutely can get blood in your eyes, depending on your facial structure. I can't really speak to that experience, though I'd be inclined to say it's probably not especially pleasant.

Now, a lot of facial injuries hurt. Your face has a lot of nerve endings, and those are quite happy to report to your brain, when something's just caused it harm. This is especially true of your lips and tongue, as you use those organs extensively to evaluate the safety of the food you consume (even if you don't think about it.) (Chewing off a portion of my own lip to get the bleeding to stop still ranks as one of the most unpleasant bits of field care I've every experienced, and I strongly recommend not seeking out that experience.) So, this isn't without any impairment whatsoever, but in general, these aren't going to be life altering injuries, or even wounds that require weeks to fully recover from. Facial injuries are singularly unpleasant, but they are rarely serious. (Unless we're talking about damage to the eyes, or broken bones. Both of which are unlikely outcomes from punches.)

In a somewhat perverse way, blows to the face is ideal for inflicting injuries that look far worse than they actually are.

-Starke

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[ladyloveandjustice]

Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers

I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.

I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!

I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.

I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.

Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*

How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*

Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.

Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *

Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*

Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*

The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)

Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)

The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*

My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)

The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.

I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *

I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*

Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: After Hours*, Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)

My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*

I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!

This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.

Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)

SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in the first volume at least).

Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.

One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )

Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.

[ohdeerfully]

hi! I have a request, I've never really done this before but I'll give it a shot. so my request is that Charlie is tasked by heaven to watch over a very special human soul via a device that is like a full 360 VR kind of setup and this soul just so happens to be Alastor's immortal wife (he didn't know she was) whom he thought had died with him during a bad event and wound up in heaven but she didn't and She stayed the same since the 1930s like her looks stayed the same and her love for Alastor stayed too she never once tried to move on even when her new friends in this time tried to get her a guy but she just refused still wearing the wedding ring her gave her

I hope it's not too much to ask it can be changed to whatever you see if you have full creative control over it!

thank you for your brain anon

theres a couple awkward POV shifts in the story and im super duper sorry about that D: im not good at those

An Eternity

alastor x reader (angst) TW: reader is female, reader gets a lil drunk and drives but shes fine(i do not condone this pls dont drink and drive im so serious), yearning goes ouchie ):

join my discord!

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Alastor rarely, if ever, talked about his time alive. He saw it pointless; a waste of time and energy. How could it benefit him if somebody else knew his history? If anything, it would only open up weak points. And, being an Overlord, he couldn’t afford that.

The only hint of his past was a band on his finger that he never took off. Even after decades in Hell, nobody saw him without it.

People often asked, of course, because how in the Hell did the Radio Demon get hitched? Even in life, he was probably just as unusual and off putting. These questions were always met with a dismissive wave and a laugh, but anybody who knew him—which wasn’t many, truly—would recognize the strain in his voice as he brushed them off. Whatever the story was seemed to only grow more painful with time.

He was deep in thought, humming absently as he trailed through the hotel. He ended up meandering by Charlie’s room, which was cracked open. He took this as an invitation to let himself in, cheerfully grinning as he saw the girl sitting on the edge of her bed looking extremely confused.

“Hello, dear!” He announced himself, standing up straight and fixing his bowtie with one hand. “What does this afternoon have in store for the Princess of Hell?”

“Heyy, Al,” Charlie responded, still frowning at the contraption in her hand. It was a rather bulky thing; an unappealing piece of new technology, Alastor decided. Still, he loomed from behind Charlie with a curious bend in his neck. Her shoulders were stiff, and he couldn’t tell if it was from frustration with the thing in her hand or discomfort at him watching her. 

“What is that peculiar thing?” He finally asked, since Charlie made no attempt at explanation. She seemed too focused to really pay him any mind.

“Something Heaven gave me to watch some curious soul they can’t control,” She murmured, fiddling with a couple buttons and knobs. “They’ve got me doing some ridiculous things. I mean, some human soul shouldn’t even concern me. But, they promise these favors will help with my hotel.”

Alastor hummed in response. He of all demons would recognize a manipulation tactic when he saw one—convincing a powerful demon princess to do your chores and promising to help her desperate project in return seemed like something the angels would do. He didn’t care one way or another, as long as Charlie’s naivete didn’t get in the way of his own goals.

He took a few steps back when Charlie stood, seemingly finished with setting up the box. He grinned, amused, when she pulled it over her head. It wasn’t the most flattering thing, and pretty bulky on her face. She looked ridiculous, honestly.

“Modern technology,” He sighed dramatically, leaning down onto his cane as he continued to observe her. “Only getting uglier.”

Charlie didn’t respond to his comment, looking around at what Alastor saw as nothing. She played around with the settings again, and adjusted the straps on her head again, before looking around again. She let out a successful sounding “hell yes” before pulling a remote of sorts from her pocket. She pushed on a joystick.

“What are you doing?” Alastor asked plainly, the building curiosity finally becoming too much. “Why do you have a box on your head?”

“It’s like…” She began to explain, trying to think of how to make sense of it to him. “Like… imagine you were looking through the eyes of somebody else, but still standing in the same spot..?” Her voice tilted at the end, unsure of her explanation.

Yeah, no, Alastor had no clue. But he dismissed it as unnecessary, as he often did with any technology he couldn’t understand.

“I’m seeing… Earth, I guess,” Charlie explained more. “Following around this girl.”

Alastor was only partially listening, humming quietly to himself as he just observed. He wondered if he should just leave—nothing interesting was happening. He was curious to see what antics Heaven was pushing on the Princess of Hell, though.

“Wanna try?” Charlie offered, lifting the headset up away from her eyes. Alastor immediately scrunched his nose up and narrowed his eyes.

“And look as ridiculous as you? Hah! No thank you,” He sat down on a chair near the wall, leaning against the back of it. He threw one leg up over the other. Charlie shrugged in response, and pulled the contraption back down.

Alastor sat for a while, absently thinking about what he wanted to do later as he waited for something to happen.

“Oh! Hold on,” Charlie suddenly said, causing Alastor’s ears to straighten to attention as she reached up and pressed a button. A holographic projection appeared out of nowhere, manifesting through some strange magic. “Forgot I could do that. This is what I’m seeing in here.” 

Alastor stood and walked closer, leaning forward on his cane as he studied the projection. It seemed like some kind of bar. He mused at how different modern bars looked from the speakeasies he would frequent during his own life.

“What heavenly task are you doing in a bar?” He joked, trying to find something interesting in the projection. It just seemed like generic bar business. Loud, flirtatious women and boisterous, over confident men. That, at least, was the same from his day.

“Like I said earlier,” Charlie explained, looking around the room. The projection seemed to follow her movement, and Alastor recognized that he was basically seeing through her eyes. How curious. “There’s some… soul they lost control of. And they want me to report to them about her.”

Alastor was very curious to see what kind of soul broke from control of literal heaven. He watched rather intently, leaned forward against his cane to watch the projection.

Charlie turned another knob, and the sound of tacky pop music and loud chatter began to emanate from the bar scene. Alastor wasn’t a fan of newer music, but he was often forced to listen anyway in the hotel lobby.

“Is it possible to turn down that dreadful noise?” He complained to her, announcing his dissatisfaction.

“No. I need to be able to hear what the woman is saying,” Charlie answered stubbornly. Alastor’s microphone of a cane began to obnoxiously play a song of his choice for a moment in retaliation, but died down after a few moments. After all, Charlie ignored his attempt at aggravation, so there was no point in keeping it up.

Charlie looked around the bar, searching. Finally, her gaze settled on a fancier booth with half drawn curtains. From her angle, she could only see a woman. She looked frustrated.

“---get out of your shell! It’s about time you start talking to some guys for once,” Charlie caught the tail end of the woman’s statement. She was gesturing wildly around, exasperation evident in the jagged movements. “I’m sick of watching you pine for somebody who’s been gone for ages.”

★

“Ten years isn’t ages, Mechiele,” You drew your finger against the table, making shapes with the rim of water that the condensation from your glass left. Nearly a hundred years, more like, You commented to yourself. You never told anybody that you were an immortal being. Nobody believed you when you did, anyway.

You sat your cheek against the palm of your hand and lifted your gaze to your friend, who looked at you with a sharp frown. You shot her a weak smile. 

“Can you just drop it?” You asked, nearly pleading. You didn’t want to cry tonight, being a little tipsy—you were an emotional drunk. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself blabbering about a dead husband.

“Come on,” Mechiele said impatiently, pushing your pleas aside. “There’s so many hot guys in here, I bet one would just love to take a piece of work like you home and-”

“Mechiele.” You hoped your tone was enough to shut her up.

You should’ve known better, honestly. Mechiele was already abrasive when she was sober, but with the amount of drinks she’s had tonight…

“No, no, no! You bum! Get your ass up right now and get out there! And take that ring off while you’re at it!”

Mechiele quickly lunged at you, a much too playful look in her eye considering how pissed you were right now. You yanked your arm away from her grasp, cupping your hand protectively with the other, shielding the golden band on your finger from her.

“Fucking drop it!” You snapped at her, standing from your seat. “I’m going home. You’re too drunk. I’ll drive.”

“You’re so fucking lame,” Mechiele droned, falling back into her seat. She wouldn’t budge when you urged her to stand and come with you. “He’s fuckin’ dead! Get a new man, already! Alastor’s not-”

Mechiele stopped abruptly when you smacked her. It wasn’t an incredibly hard smack or anything, barely enough to leave a red bloom on her cheek, but it was enough. She looked at you through narrowed eyes. You returned the same expression.

You left the booth and stormed off, cursing under your breath about it all. About Mechiele, about this stupid bar, about the tipsy feeling in your head, about Alastor—

You folded your arms together as you briskly walked to your car, yelling in frustration at your heels and ripping them off your feet. The ground was a little wet and cold, but you didn’t care. After making it to your car, you threw yourself in an switched it on.

You thought for a few moments. You were lightheaded after a few drinks, but you really didn’t want to wait for a taxi. You’d probably be fine, yeah? Sure. Against your better judgment, you began to drive.

It was a long drive, but it gave you some time to think.

You missed him. You pined for him. Nearly every night was agony, missing the presence of the only man you’ve ever fallen in love with.

You cursed whatever higher power there was for making you this way—immortal. How cruel it was, to make you live forever to suffer this longing. You didn’t even notice when you ended up in your room, but you let yourself fall face first onto your bed, curling up into a ball.

Even more, you cursed yourself for ever falling in love. You should’ve known it would only lead to an endless torture of heartbreak. You would never love anybody the same; although, you don’t think you’d want to, even if you could.

You were born to suffer. To spend an eternity in life without him.

★

Charlie continued to watch in shock for a few moments, her mouth dropped at the mention of the Radio Demon’s name. The previously hidden woman stepped from the bar, a furious look in her eyes as she stormed away. Mechiele was left with stubbornly folded arms and an empty glass of alcohol.

“Heyyy, uh, Al, how common is your name..? Do you know…” Charlie asked a bit awkwardly. She got no response. She lifted the headset, and realized he was gone. Even still, there seemed to be a lingering feeling of intense static, and the air somehow felt a bit heavier than before.

★

This had to be some cruel, sick joke, right? Heaven had to be toying with him, finally finding a way to torture his soul. His wife—she was dead. It had been nearly a hundred years since he died, and even if she had lived till she was old—

Alastor was pacing his room, ears pinned and eyes wide in frantic thought. Oh, how he yearned for her. He had managed for so long to push the memory of her away, to lock up his loss in a tight cage as he climbed the ranks of hell; it had all come rushing, barreling, torrenting back when he had seen her—or, no, somebody that looked like her—step out of those curtains. It was only a coincidence that that woman looked like his wife, and only a coincidence that she had a dead husband that shared his name.

His wife was in heaven, no doubt; which was where she belonged, of course, but Alastor had spent the last decade pining for somebody who he could never see again. If given the choice, Alastor wasn’t so sure himself if he was kind enough as to not tear her soul from Heaven and down to Hell by his side. Alternatively, even if Charlie’s idea of redemption were to work, Alastor was truly irredeemable. It was all wistful thinking, anyway.

Alastor’s claws dug into the curtains of his window, staring out into the streets of Hell in an attempt to concentrate on one steady stream of thought.

When billions of people touch the Earth, it’s only natural that coincidences like this rise. Right? He tried desperately to convince himself of different possibilities. It just made no sense.

A knocking at his door made Alastor’s grin curl in deadly malice. He really wasn’t in the mood.

He paced to his door, opened it just enough to fit his body in the frame, and glared down at Charlie. She was wringing her hands together nervously, and only seemed to grow more timid as the heavy, almost palpable ambience of his radio static filled the hallway she stood in.

“I’m busy,” Alastor said bluntly. His lips were curled in a sneer.

“I can tell,” Charlie responded. "I know you don't like talking about yourself-" She began to ramble on about him talking to her about his feelings and whatnot, but Alastor didn’t listen as he shut the door again.

Though, the interruption did give his mind a chance to slow. He sat on a chair in the corner of his room, and opted to fiddle with the radio on the drawer next to him. He tuned it—or, more just magically infused it—to play some jazz to try to keep his head level.

It would take some time to rebuild the dam that held back the memories of his wife. Even just the mere thought of her made him feel weak, and he hated it. The only soul he was capable of falling in love with—gone, forever.

Alastor never took the whole “eternity of damnation” thing seriously, considering the power he held and how comfortable he really was in Hell. However, when he remembered her—

Hell truly was torture. And he was cursed to spend his eternity in death without her.

[indie-ttrpg-of-the-week]

Trans made TTRPGs

Due to… recent events that I would rather not talk about, today's post is a highlight of different tabletop games made by trans peeps! These games are fantastic in their own right, of course, but you can also know that they were made by incredibly cool and attractive people

(Also, these are flyover descs of the game, they'll get more in-depth singular posts later, this is because I am lazy)

Perfect Draw is a phenomenal card game TTRPG that was funded in less than a day on backerkit, it's incredibly fun and has simple to learn hard to master rules for creating custom cards, go check it out!

Songs for the dusk is fucking good, pardon my language, but it's a damn good post apocalyptic game about building community in a post-capitalist-post-apocalypse-post-whatever world. do yourself a favor and if you only check out one game in this list, check this one out, its a beautiful game.

Flying Circus is set in a WW1 inspired fantasy setting full of witches, weird eldritch fish people (who are chill as hell), cults, dead nobility, and other such things. It's inspired by Porco Rosso primarily but it has other touchstones.

Wanderhome is a game about being cute little guys going on a silly adventure and growing as the seasons change, its GMless and very fun

https://weregazelle.itch.io/armour-astir Armour Astir has been featured in here before but its so damn good I had to post it twice. AA demonstrates a fundamental knowledge of the themes of mech shows in a way that very few other games show, its awesome

Kitchen Knightmares is… more of a LARP but its still really dang cool, its about being a knight serving people in a restaurant, its played using discord so its incredibly accessible

https://grimogre.itch.io/michtim Michtim is a game about being small critters protecting their forest from nasty people who wish to harm it, not via brutal violence (sadly) but via friendship and understanding (which is a good substitute to violence)

ok this technically doesn't count but I'm putting it here anyways cuz its like one of my favorite ttrpgs of all time TSL is a game about baring your heart and dueling away with people who you'll probably kiss 10 minutes later, its very very fanfic-ey and inspired by queer narratives. I put it here because its made by a team, and the expansion has a setting specifically meant to be a trans "allegory", so I'll say it counts, honestly just go check it out its good shit

https://willuhl.itch.io/mystic-lilies

Mystic Lillies is a game inspired by ZUN's Touhou Project about witches dueling powerful foes, each other, and themselves. Mystic Lillies features rapid character creation and a unique diceless form of rolling which instead uses a standard playing card deck.

https://preview.drivethrurpg.com/en/product/141424/nobilis-the-game-of-sovereign-powers-2002-edition I… want to do a more general overview on Jenna K as an important figure in indie RPG design, but for now just know that Nobilis is good

https://temporalhiccup.itch.io/apocalypse-keys Apocalypse Keys is a game inspired by Doom Patrol, Hellboy, X-men, and other comics about monstrousness being an allegory for disenfranchisement. Apocalypse Keys is also here because its published by Evilhat so its very cleaned up and fancy but I love how the second you check out the dev's other stuff you can tell they are a lot more experimental with their stuff, this is not a critique, it is in fact a compliment

Fellowship! I've posted about this game before, but it is again here. Fellowship has a fun concept that it uses very well mostly, its a game about defining your character's culture, and I think that's really really cool

Voidheart Symphony is a really cool game about psychic rebellion in a city that really does not like you, the more you discover for yourself the better

Panic at the Dojo is a phenomenal ttrpg based on what the Brazilian would call "Pancadaria", which basically means, fucking other's people shit up. Character Creation is incredibly open and free, meaning that many character concepts are available

Legacy 2e is a game about controlling an entire faction's choices across time, its very fun

remember to be kind to a trans person today! oh also don't even try to be transphobic in the reblogs or replies, you will be blocked so fast your head will spin

[kiwi-cult]

PARSELSCRIPT!!

Hi. This is mostly for the people from Discord but tadah! I'm finally making that Tumblr post I've been talking about for months.

(Warning this will probably be very chaotic)

To anyone new who sees this: me and some friends made an alphabet for Parseltongue from Harry Potter, aka Parselscript. I'll take you on a little journey to explain my process and give you some tips, should you want to start writing it.

Disclaimer: I wanted to make this script usable for the writer I made it for so it's less of an actual language and more just some characters to represent the Latin (or ‘English’) letters. Like a cipher. It is not realistic. If I made this realistic I'd have to add all sorts of things to indicate body language and smell etc and also have to figure out what sounds Parseltongue actually has etcetera etcetera. No.

Alright.

It all started when we started talking about Parselscript in a Discord server and I asked my friend Ava to visualise the script because she seemed to have a clear vision of it, so I could use it to go from there.

That's how we got this.

I think we all wanted to go with something flowery for some reason, so we did.

After this I just messed around with brushes and shapes in Procreate for a while, tweaking things and trying to make it more writeable. I ended up with something like this (still a rough draft).

It may look a bit like random squiggles at first, and it kinda was at this point. As you can see there's also a lot of added dots and lines, which can be a bit hard to remember and I see you wondering what it looks like without them.

Well here it is.

I showed this to the people I brainstormed with in Discord and we decided to go with the more complicated version because it looks better lol.

This is one of the final versions.

It says: "Hello, my name is Kiwi Cult. I made this script after reading a fanfic called Terrible, But Great written by Isalise the loml on Archive Of Our Own."

Now, to talk about some of the (boring) logistics.

It is read from left to right, top to bottom.

Every separate combination of squiggles you see above is a separate word. Every word is made up of a starting character, one or more letter characters and an ending character.

The very first character you see in the top left corner, with the three petal looking thingies, is a silent starting character that indicates the start of a sentence. Not word: sentence. The end of the character, that little circle thingy, is a comma. So, the first combination says: "Hello,".

Then, the second combination starts with a kind of hook going down and right. This is also a silent character and more meant as an interpunction, that's why you don't pronounce it. It's kind of just a way to start the word when there isn't anything special about it (aka it's not the start of a sentence, a name, an exclamation or a question. But every character is special in its own right🥲). The same kind of hook can be found at the bottom of the combination, except going up. It has the same use, basically just a way to end the word when there isn't anything special about it. Now, you might ask: why does it go right and not left?

We talked about this a while, because I wanted the direction to have some kind of meaning. We wondered about gender, tone, blah blah all kinds of complicated things but in the end I just wanted this script to be writable so I chose to have proficient writers in Parseltongue make their hooks go left and beginners have their hooks go right.

Now, you might notice that I end my words with a hook going right. That is because I don't see myself as a pro in writing in Parselscript okay? It's hard!😭💀

Now, other than the character indicating the start of a sentence, the circle, and the simple hook, there are a few other characters to start or end a combination (don't worry I'll show them all to you at the end, you won't have to use your imagination for long).

We have a character to indicate a name. Now, the rule is: name indicator over start of sentence indicator. So, if you start a sentence with a name, you'll use the symbol to indicate a name, NOT BOTH. (That's not even possible but I don't even want to see you try and butcher my child).

There is a character to indicate a sentence that would usually be followed by an exclamation mark (!), but at the start of the sentence. Then you’d end the exclamated sentence with a period.

The same goes for a question mark (?): put it at the start of a question, not the end. Again, it wouldn't even be possible to use it at the end of a combination but I DON'T EVEN WANNA SEE YOU TRY.

Finally we have a period (.), which looks a bit like a flower with four petals. You do use this one at the end of a word, and it is always followed by a start of sentence indicator or a name indicator. I know people are rejecting capitals these days in their typing but I don't wanna see it. If you start a word after a period with a hook I will find you.

If a sentence starts with a name that is also a question or exclamation you’d use the question/exclamation mark above the name indicator, otherwise it would take away a vital part of the sentence while a name can still be read even if it doesn’t have its indicator.

So, to put it all next to each other, the symbols we have are: -start of sentence indicator -name indicator -exclamation mark (!) -question mark (?) -period (.) -hook (direction depends on efficiency) -comma (,) (direction depends on efficiency)

I didn't make adjusted characters to indicate a capital letter like we do in the Latin alphabet, meaning that the only things you can kind of 'capitalise' are the start of a sentence and the start of a name.

It is also slightly phonetic. Emphasis on slightly. I made separate characters for almost all letters in the Latin alphabet, so you can just write your word normally with Parselscript characters. The only difference is that I made only one character for the 'f/v' sounds and that there is no 'c' character. If a word has a 'c' in it, you'll have to use the character for a 'k' or an 's'. Also a ‘q’ can be made with ‘k’ and ‘w’ etc.

A few examples: -character=karakter -parselscript=parselskript -crazy=krazy -science=siense

-quiz=kwuiz

I know it looks a bit confusing, but I trust you guys' ability to read context clues and figure out what someone means when you try to decipher Parselscript.

Now, for a word like 'phonetic' or 'decipher' I don't really care whether you use the separate characters for 'p' and 'h' or just the one for the 'f/v' sound. You do you.

I also don’t use any double letters because they basically sound the same and it looks ugly but if you want to use double symbols feel free.

I also made some numbers that do not look like they fit with the rest of the script but I promise you that's just because you're not used to it yet. Our own numbers don't belong with our alphabet either because we nicked them from the Arabs (I think, don't quote me on this) but we don’t notice that either.

Tadah. (Yes I know it’s out of order I told you this was gonna be chaotic af)

Other than that, feel free to ask me questions if I've forgotten anything or if you're wondering about anything. I can't guarantee that I have a good answer because I might not even have thought about it myself, but I can always try to come up with something. I am one person, I'm afraid I haven't been able to take everything about a script into consideration.

Now, without further ado; here is the key.

No, your eyes didn't deceive you: there are two versions. The first has a bit more loose squiggles than the second one. I realised that when I was writing physically, the second version was much nicer to write, so it is kind of like Simplified Parselscript. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna put some lore behind it or not yet. But I included the og one if you're a tryhard and wanna take it on.

Now, if you're gonna start writing it yourself, here is the stroke order.

I tried to make it as clear as possible but please ask me if you're confused on anything.

Red is the starting point of the whole symbol, the arrows indicate the direction to go in, x marks the start of the small extra's.

Now, I'd also recommend writing on some type of paper with vertical lines like this if you're gonna do it physically.

You can just turn a paper with normal, horizontal lines a quarter to get vertical lines. Also, do NOT write in between the lines. They are meant to help you keep the start and ending on the same line so you don't start going into crazy directions while writing. So, start your sentence symbol or hook or whatever in the middle of the line and try to keep coming back to that vertical line after every letter. As you gain more proficiency you'll probably go straight into the next letter without going back to the line all the time but I think this is a good starting point.

I also recommend writing with a fountain pen or something else that flows well because it’s easier to write that way.

Here is another rough draft I made on physical paper to get a feel for it. As you can see this draft had a lot more different starting characters and ending characters so just ignore that. Hope this motivates you a bit or smth.

Lmk if you want me to post a video of me writing in this Parselscript.

Also please let me know if you know of someone else who's also made a Parselscript because I tried to look for it on Tumblr and Twitter etc but I couldn't find anything.

I also feel like there’s a big mistake I made that I realised the last time I worked on this script but I’ve forgotten it now so if you find out please comment or dm or anything💀

Also feel free to use in your own fic, tho a little tiny shoutout in the a/n would be nice :) I’m @/kiwi_cult on Ao3, @/slvtr_ on Wattpad, @/kiwi cult on ff.net, @/slvtr.1 on TikTok and @/.slvtr on Discord.

Credits:

@natis-balamnimaja @asterialvia and @/zee (who unfortunately left the server and I don't know the Tumblr @ of) for brainstorming with me and @isalisewrites for inspiring us and making the server we discussed this in.

Okay bye :) tell me if I forgot anything.

🥝

[delta-chan]

Thoughts about Dawntrail map six

Needless to say, very heavy spoilers beneath the read more!

I was initially a bit wary of Living Memory's telegraphed "reverse Ultima Thule" structure until I got the prompt that the scenery would be irreversibly altered at the first terminal. I panicked because like a lot of people I thought "oh nice, I'll come back here later for some nice gpose shots". That this beautiful place would have to be taken away for you to progress was almost incomprehensible to me and in that moment the genius of it clicked. It wasn't just a reverse spin on Ultima Thule's structure--it was a reverse spin that was going to back it up to an extreme.

The ephemerality of life is something FFXIV has touched on many times before, including as one of the chief themes of Endwalker. But while in Endwalker this was on a grand scale as a part of radical acceptance as a whole, Dawntrail's second half explores this idea in a more focused, intimate fashion. While the WoL has no one they are close to that they can engage with in an experience with like Erenville, Krile, and Wuk Lamat--they have the environment. And being that you're the person behind the WoL with an investment in that environment on some level the finality of moving forward hits you like a sack of bricks.

I spent a lot of time being kind of awed by this--it's a very, very solid gimmick. I sort of paused at the first prompt going "haha there's no way, right…?" before going "wait" and immediately setting out to take a bunch of quick shots. That place wasn't going to exist anymore, and I wanted a memory of it. That beautiful place--a painstakingly detailed and gorgeous bit of gpose bait if I've ever seen it--wasn't going to exist if I wanted to move on. It was… weird. I took so many nearly identical shots trying to get perfect ones because there was only ever going to be that moment. In the future there'll be new game plus. You might have alts. But in that moment, experiencing it for the first time... it's… really effective. Startlingly effective.

The fact that when I was watching the map introduction and thought about how Living Memory was an almost tailor-made gposing space (and let's face it probably is for exactly this reason) that I would have a lot of fun taking screenshots at later made me think about how many other people thought, are thinking, and will think the same thing not knowing that they're taking it for granted. Who would...? It's absurd. Why would the map be altered to such a degree that it'd be rendered gone all but in name...? It hasn't happened before. So why would it happen now? Why would it even come to mind?

And the thing is--even if someone warns you, even if you're spoiled, even if you have someone fly you from place to place--the terminals are still going to have to be shut down eventually if you want to move forward. You cannot keep it. Living memory is made to be seen once then destroyed by your own hand.

I mean--at the end of the MSQ I thought, perhaps naively, that Living Memory was going to be restored because the threat was resolved. I mean--everyone's gone. There's no need for the environment to stay gone as well, right...? I mean, they put so much loving detail into it!

Wrong.

In the immediacy of when I first finished Endwalker during its early access I wrote that I never wanted to return to Ultima Thule because it creeped me out. The map was emotionally fraught, and my first experience with it was being released into an incredibly dark map with a discordant soundtrack, jumping out of my seat at another player passing by. But returning to it for hunts and the Omicron quests I saw it for the vibrant, beautiful place that it was. It changed for the better and stayed that way.

In spite of how much I've talked up Living Memory's beauty and how much it inspires the drive to capture the moment before it leaves you, it's also far more disconcerting than Ultima Thule from the very beginning in an altogether different manner. Living Memory is something that you want to be that shouldn't be. Both in the context of the MSQ and as a map in general--you want to take screenshots, you want to linger, but the unchanging weather effect and languidly pleasant music begin to push against you if you stay too long.

When everything's said and done Living Memory becomes a featureless husk that now has natural changing weather. At night there are motes of light, golden remains of the once oppressive reminiscence. And in the background as if being piped from distant speakers, the languidly pleasant and slightly warped BGM echoing through the nothingness like an amusement park's PA system playing music for no one after closing for the last time.

It's something you didn't want that needs to be.

[agenderasshole]

Andrew & tattoos

Been working on my redraw of Neil and Andrew from Pride 2021, and I've been inundated with thoughts of Andrew and tattoos.

(Including wonderful thoughts and ideas from people on the aftg big bang discord server)

Some of these will be more specific than others

Andrew gets a whole bunch of tattoos over the years. It's a reclamation of his body, and he likes the look of them, but that doesn't mean he ever gets truly comfortable in the chair. He can't be because there's someone he doesn't trust touching him and stabbing him repeatedly with needles for at least half an hour, but up to six at a time when he sits for bigger pieces. So every time he gets one, someone goes with him. Usually, it's Neil, both because that's who he trusts most and also the convenience of them living together for so long.

The two of them have a few matching tattoos. They have the key to the Columbia house with each other's initials on them. Neil's is over his heart, I'm less certain where Andrew's is. They have matching continuous single-line tattoos of the cats, and they each have roman numeral tattoos of the other's fox number.

In his fifth year, Andrew mentions that he'll be getting a Medusa tattoo. Aaron, who has been quietly researching ways to support SA survivors (which only Katelyn knows about), knows what a Medusa tattoo symbolizes and immediately offers to go with him. Andrew doesn't object and lets him come along. Because Andrew doesn't object to Aaron going to the session with him, neither does Neil, despite assuming he would go with Andrew. He still doesn't get along with Aaron, but he thinks Aaron going with Andrew will be good for them both. Before the session, Neil stops by to tell Aaron what Andrew's favorite tattoo session snacks/treats are and his favorite place to go afterward.

At some point, after he graduates from Palmetto, Andrew gets a tattoo in honor of Betsy. He tells Bee before he gets it, on one of their weekly phone calls and she offers to come with him. At the appointment, Bee surprises him by getting a matching tattoo with him. He gets forget-me-nots surrounded by a bee on his shoulder. She gets hers over her heart, and he gets his on his shoulder so she's always looking out for him. He holds her hand through the entirety of her time in the chair, and she talks to him through the entirety of his. They both quietly laugh at Andrew's choice of the forget-me-nots considering his memory. But if Besty notices that when they are colored they are also the same color as Neil's eyes, she keeps that observation to herself.

Other small one-off thoughts

'Sunrise' and 'death' on his collarbones with a delicate 'A' at the base of his throat

A fox skull surrounded by orange and white gladiolus flowers (strength of character, faithfulness, and remembrance)

A floral bouquet for his family. Edelweiss for Nicky (nobility, devotion, and resilience, also I hc Andrew having a love of musicals.) Magnolias and Dandelions for Aaron (perserverance and resilience.) Thistles for Neil (resilience, strength, determination, protection and pride.) Lotuses for Kevin (Resilience and overcoming adversity)

Barbed wire above where his arm bands end

There's probably more that I'll think of when it's not 1:30 am but that's where I'm stopping for the night

[sophie-frm-mars]

I'm not sure how much people are talking about Aaron Bushnell having engaged with online leftist media, but the records show that they were a viewer of a bunch of different twitch streams, including mine, and subscribed to a bunch of patreons, including mine. I'm not going to inflate my importance here, the livestream link was sent directly to Talia Jane and Anark, so those are probably the voices Bushnell felt the most connected to and followed the most directly, like idk if they also subscribed to someone's patreon after watching a video abt Cars 2 or whatever, I'm not trying to examine whether social media drove the self immolation because I think that's disrespectful to the memory of someone who literally died screaming Free Palestine. I don't personally know of any leftist creators who directly advocate political suicide, and I know that we all share in the political understanding that underscored Bushnell's decision.

I've already made a point of telling my patreon server that my politics are about growing into each other and supporting one another and that if anyone asked me if I thought they should do what Bushnell did I would say no absolutely not.

I'm ruminating a bit on the nature and meaning of the protest, because a lot of people are engaging with the image of a man in fatigues on fire, standing proud and declaring "FREE PALESTINE", while I've seen others talking about the fact Bushnell's username on several platforms was LillyAnarKitty, mourning the loss of a potential trans sister, talking in depressive terms about the act of suicide, to which I think the people who are engaging in the more macho interpretation of the protest are saying "no it was cool and masculine, it wasn't suicide in the conventional sense it was about principle!" I think there's room for plenty of both. For the record LillyAnarKitty used he and she pronouns in discord servers.

Andreas Malm's approach to self-sacrifice and self-endangerment is that we as subjects of the imperial core are in a sense, precious. Valuable. We are supposedly what it is all for. The imperialist project must be doing it for the citizens of the imperialist nations because if it isn't, then it has to nakedly admit that it is doing it all for the intense power and wealth consolidation of a tiny tiny number of soulless ghouls. Therefore when we put ourselves in harm's way in a way that says you would have to destroy me to get to the thing I care about, we leverage the implicit value of ourselves for our principles. A planned protest by Palestine Action against the London Stock Exchange was allegedly going to involve locking the actionists' necks onto the mechanism of the door into the LSE making it impossible to enter or leave without probably killing them, for example. I think that Bushnell's self immolation sits on a sort of dissonance, my life is precious and my life is worthless. My life is precious and so you should care about the obvious tragedy that I am enacting and my life is worthless if thousands upon thousands of Palestinians are killed as part of the project that enables the life that I lead.

There is also the way that people have debated the meaning of "complicit in genocide" - Bushnell worked in USAF Intelligence and the US has active troops in Palestine, it's possible that they were already culpable in an unknowable number of deaths without having set foot there.

In one sense it's a little pointless to debate the fine details of the meaning of Bushnell's protest in the same way that it's pointless to pick over any feelings of responsibility that I and I know other people that we know they watched are feeling. When I first saw the video I was struck by the language, by their concise and astute analysis and I knew, without knowing just how closely that they were plugged into the same intellectual and political milieu as us. In that same sense I think that they already described what they did the best that any of us are going to be able to:

“My name is Aaron Bushnell. I am an active-duty member of the United States Air Force, and I will no longer be complicit in genocide.”

“I’m about to engage in an extreme act of protest. But compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”

"Free Palestine."

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[k-nayee]

It's Giving...Igor Percy Jackson and the Olympians

wc: 4.3k a/n: lol I'm having so much fun with these oneshots y'all. I hope you do too!

Traveler M.List

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ‿̩̥̩‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˊ⸊ˎ

The sun hung lazily over Camp Half-Blood casting a golden hue on the wooded area.

Percy Jackson, now somewhat accustomed to the camp's ebb and flow, still found himself feeling out of place.

Though the events of his first quest had solidified his place in the world of Gods and monsters, the reality of being a Demigod was still sinking in.

He strolled through the camp watching the campers in their daily routines; the clang of swords from the training fields, distant chatter from the dining pavilion.

But amidst it all something caught his attention—a bright and bubbly figure bouncing around the Ares cabin kids without a care in the world.

Percy blinked as his gaze trailed your movements. You was a complete contrast to the scowling battle-hardened Ares kids.

Not to mention you didn't look like a typical child of Ares. Hell you didn't seem to belong there at all.

"Who is that?" Percy muttered partially to himself.

Annabeth, who had been walking the camp with him, followed his gaze.

A smirk curled her lips. "Oh that's ____. She's from the Eris cabin."

"Eris? As in...the Goddess of strife?" His brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yep," Annabeth confirmed with a chuckle. "Goddess of discord and chaos."

He stared at you laughing with one of the Ares kids, passing them a bottle of water as though it was the most normal thing in the world.

It was hard to accept the idea of you being related to a Goddess of chaos when you seemed so gentle. "She doesn't really look it...like at all."

"You really think so? Awe thank you!"

Percy and Annabeth jumped, startled to find you standing just a few steps away with a sweet smile plastered on your face.

How you got that close without them noticing was beyond them.

You were practically beaming—a stark contrast to the usual gloom that seemed to hang around the children of Eris.

"I get that a lot ya know," you continued, rocking back on your heels as if completely unaware of the scare you caused. "If I'm honest it's probably cause of my dad. Sweetest man you could ever meet...wouldn't even guess he was a serial killer."

There was a beat of stunned silence.

The two share a quick wide-eyed glance of disbelief, clearly unsure whether to laugh or be terrified.

Before they could react you dart forward and grab Percy's hand with both of yours, shaking it enthusiastically.

"Percy Jackson!" you chirp, shaking his hand so vigorously that it left him wobbling on his feet. "Can't believe I'm finally meeting you in the flesh. The son of Poseidon! Wow. I've heard so much about you."

Percy found himself lost in the whirlwind that was you. Your energy was so sunny in comparison with the words that had just left your mouth seconds ago.

"Uh...y-yeah," he stammered trying to collect himself. "That's me."

You didn't let go of his hand right away, instead holding it just long enough to make the situation a little awkward.

"So! You really fought the God of War Ares huh? That must've been something. Although..." You leaned in a little with a head tilt as if you were sizing him up. "I was expecting more. I mean for someone who fought Ares, you look like you could barely take on a mortal bully."

Percy was caught off guard. "W-What?"

"You know with all the talk around camp I was expecting it to be a little more...epic. Then again you did the best you could. I mean, if I were facing a God I'd probably want to take the easy way out too. No shame in keeping it simple."

He opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. What was he supposed to say to that?

Annabeth stifled a laugh, clearly amused at his baffled expression before looking to you.

"You're really good at that aren't you?" Her tone was light with an edge of knowing.

You give a half-shrug.

"At what? Being honest? Someone's gotta keep him humble Wise Girl. Though," your gaze slid to Annabeth with a mischievous glint, "Of all people you should know all about fight with Ares right? Oh wait—never mind. You weren't there. Shame really. Could've used the help."

Annabeth's lips twitched into a tight smirk.

"Yeah well someone had to stay behind and do the thinking." Her words were sharp and calm as if this exchange was nothing new to her. "I figured you'd be better at that considering your parentage."

Your eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Touché," you give a dramatic little bow clearly unfazed by Annabeth's quick jab.

Meanwhile Percy was still trying to wrap his head around what was happening. "Wait...what do you mean I couldn't take on a mortal bully?"

You turned back to him with a bright smile as if you hadn't just insulted him. "Oh no offense of course! It's just with all those big stories about you I was expecting someone a little more...I don't know, formidable? Then again tales exaggerate things. Kind of like when you hear all about a store's big sale, but when you get there it's just old clearance stuff that no one wanted anyway."

Percy blinked. "What?"

You pat his arm as if to console him. "It's fine really. Happens all the time. I'm sure you're...adequate."

The Jackson boy once again didn't know how to respond. Was he supposed to be offended?

It wasn't like you were directly mocking him—more like you were making him doubt himself in the weirdest way possible.

Before he could say anything, your gaze suddenly drifted over Percy's shoulder and your eyes lit up.

"Oh!" Bouncing on your heels as you focused on whatever had caught your attention you turn to the pair with a smile. "Looks like I'm needed! Well it was fun meeting you Son of Poseidon."

You give Percy a teasing salute and then turn to Annabeth with a wink. "And you and I definitely need to have another round of wits Wise Girl."

With a little wave you skip off leaving them in the dust.

For a long moment Percy and Annabeth stood there, both staring after you.

"I don't get it," Percy muttered, finally breaking the silence. "What's her deal?"

"She's from the Eris cabin," Annabeth explained with a shrug as though that summed everything up. "Being chaotic is kind of her thing."

Percy blinked. "Chaotic? She's weird. Her dad's a serial killer Annabeth."

She sheepishly rub the back of her neck. "Yeah I wasn't expecting that either. But trust me she's not dangerous. Not to us at least. She just likes stirring things up."

"Yeah but..." Percy shook his head, watching you with a deepening frown. "I don't trust her. She's too..."

"Too what?" She asks with a smirk. "Too nice?"

Percy shot her a look. "She just told me I was like a disappointing clearance sale!"

Annabeth chuckled. "Yeah that's pretty standard for her to keep people on their toes. You get used to it."

Percy frowned. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

As they spoke Percy's gaze caught sight of you now across the camp.

You were laughing with a group of Aphrodite and Artemis kids, flitting between them like you belonged everywhere.

It was weird. The way you moved so easily between groups always smiling and lighthearted—yet there was something unnerving about it.

Like you were playing some game that no one else knew about.

"Look," Percy said nodding toward you. "There she goes again."

Annabeth followed his line of sight just in time to see you lean in close to one of the Aphrodite kids, whispering something with an exaggerated gasp.

The Aphrodite kid's eyes widened and she looked at you for confirmation with shock coloring her face.

Seeing your nod, she becomes visibly shaken till the point a few of her half-siblings swarmed her trying to console her.

While they were distracted you effortlessly slid over to a nearby Artemis camper and whisper something in her ear.

The Artemis girl's face hardened instantly. Eyes darkened with fury, without hesitation she marches over to the Aphrodite camper.

Tension between them crackled as they exchanged words.

The Aphrodite camper snapped something sharp at the Artemis camper who fired back with equal heat.

Within moments the two girls were yelling and nearby campers began to picking sides.

It wasn't just about the two of them anymore—campers from both cabins were dragged into the fray.

Shoves were exchanged and even the onlookers who had initially tried to mediate were swept up in the full-blown fight.

You slipped away completely unnoticed, leaving the chaos to spread behind you as counselors rushed in to contain the fight you had so subtly instigated.

Annabeth's mouth fell open. "Did...did she just—?"

Percy nodded with an darkening expression. "I told you."

Annabeth shook her head in disbelief. "She really does live up to her mother's name doesn't she?"

Percy sighed, his gaze following you as you joined back with the Ares kids as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah," he muttered. "And I'm pretty sure she's way more dangerous than she lets on."

*.·:·.☽✧✧☾.·:·.*

Percy couldn't shake the unsettling feeling you left in your wake.

You weren't like anyone he'd ever met at Camp Half-Blood—and that was saying something.

All day he kept noticing you; flitting between groups of campers, always smiling, always helping.

But for the Ares cabin? You didn't just help—you managed everything for them like a personal servant.

You'd bounce from one camper to the next, making sure everyone had what they needed.

A strap needed tightening on someone's armor? You were there.

Someone's sword needed fixing? Off to Hephaestus Cabin to get it repaired.

You even carried a pile of weapons over your shoulder like it was nothing, making sure every spear and sword was in pristine condition.

It was strange the way you handled things.

To everyone else you looked like a wimp. A pushover trailing after the Ares kids like a loyal dog.

Some campers even joked about it, wondering why someone as bubbly and soft as you would waste your time with them.

You didn't have the brutal intimidating energy the Ares kids were known for.

And yet despite your soft appearance and sunny attitude, they seemed to tolerate on you.

As lunchtime approached Percy found himself alone.

Annabeth was busy welcoming a new camper, leaving him to make his way to the pavilion by himself. 

Plate balanced in hand, he scans the rows of tables where campers sat in their respective groups—most sticking to their own cabins.

Though the tables around buzzed with laughter and conversation, but Percy still felt like an outsider, even after everything he'd done.

He hadn't fully found his place, not yet really.

Tearing his gaze away with a sigh the Son of Poseidon makes his way to the central hearth to make an offering.

With a portion of his meal selected Percy gets ready to offer it to his dad when—

"Hey Jackson!"

Percy nearly jumped out of his skin. You had appeared beside him, tray in hand with a grin like you'd just won the lottery.

"Uh...hey." he managed caught off guard.

You leaned forward, watching him with wide eyes as he prepared to toss the food into the hearth. "Whatcha doing?"

The Demigod glances down at the hearth then back at you. "Just uh, just giving an offering to my dad."

"Oh cool! It's sweet you do that," you replied with a grin, humming thoughtfully as you looked at the flames. "Guess I should do that too."

Percy's brows raised in curiosity as he watched you step up to the fire.

He assumed you'd pick something off your plate—maybe a small portion to toss in as an offering like everyone else did—but instead you did something that made his heart skip a beat:

You reached directly into the flames.

"Whoa wait—what are you—?!" Percy sputtered eyes widening in disbelief.

Instead of pulling your hand away with a scream of agony, you calmly pluck a half-cooked piece of [food] from the fire.

Percy's mouth dropped open in a mixture of shock and confusion plastered on his face.

"What?" You blink at him before following his gaze to the still-flaming food in your hand. "Oh there wasn't any more of my mom's favorite left at the bar. I figured I'd just grab something quick before it burned all the way through ya know?"

Percy stared at you like you were from another planet. "Your mom's favorite food?"

"Yep," you confirm with a grin. "She's a picky eater sometimes. Then again I guess Eris isn't the easiest Goddess to please."

Shrugging as though this was common knowledge, you turn the food in your hand to inspect it further. "I usually only give blessings for her. Oh and Ares too—only if he hasn't ticked me off though."

Percy's brain tried to catch up with the words you'd just said. His mouth moved, but no words came out for a second. "Wait so...you're only making offerings to Eris and Ares?"

You make a small prayer for your mom before throwing the food back into the hearth and turn to the blonde boy.

"Uh-huh! The others don't really care much for me. I mean can you blame them? No one likes messing with my mom, and by extension me. She causes too much trouble even for them." You flashed him a playful grin. "Plus, I think I'm her favorite."

He shook his head unable to wrap his mind around how nonchalant you were about everything.

"You're...impossible," Percy mumbled, his tone equal parts baffled and impressed.

"You're not the first person to say that," you teased with a wink and nudge him lightly. "Anyway, looks like you're all alone today. Mind if I join you?"

Before he could respond you were already dragging him to one of the emptier tables.

Percy was still trying to figure you out. You weren't dangerous—at least not in the way he'd expect a child of Eris to be.

But you were unsettling in your own way; friendly yet... strange, an almost too carefree energy about you.

"So," you lean forward with a bright-eyed grin, "What's your story? I mean I know the basics—son of Poseidon, fought the God of War, saved the day and all—but how's a guy like you end up doing all that?"

Percy gave you a sideways look. "You already know all that stuff. You seem to know everything that goes on around camp."

"True," you admit with a pout. "But I wanna hear it from you. Stories are way more fun that way."

He hesitated, still unsure if you were genuinely curious or just setting him up for another round of subtle digs.

But surprisingly the more you pressed, the more you managed to pull bits and pieces of his story from him.

He talked a little about his mom and how much she meant to him—though he skipped over the worst parts.

"Wow only child in both worlds huh? That's a bummer. I was an only child out in the mortal world too, but Camp Half-Blood gave me a bunch of moody gloomy brothers and sisters." You waved vaguely in the direction of the Eris table, where your half-siblings sat.

Percy followed your gaze, eyes narrowing as he observed the difference between you and the others from your cabin.

They were all starkly different from you—dark, brooding, exuding an aura of chaos just by being around.

Like storm clouds or a brewing hurricane while you were the sunshine in the middle of it all.

It didn't make sense.

"You don't really fit in with them though," Percy said, gesturing to your siblings. "You're...not like them."

You tilt your head with a playful smirk tugging at your lips. "You'd be surprised. It's easier to blend in with chaos when you wear a smile. Keeps people guessing."

Satisfied with the answer Percy suddenly shifts in his seat.

His gaze dart around, unsure of how to bring up the topic that had been bugging him ever since your first meeting.

Finally he cleared his throat. "Uh...speaking of family. You mentioned your dad before. That he was...y'know..."

"A serial killer?" you finished for him, smile unfaltering.

Percy flinched at how easily the words rolled off your tongue, like it was just another quirky fact about your life.

"Yeah that."

"Oh my dad's the greatest!" you exclaimed, leaning back with a nostalgic sigh. "The sweetest man you'd ever meet—total golden retriever energy, always in pastels and soft colors. He's truly the last person you'd expect to have over two hundred bodies to his name."

Percy nearly choked on his drink. "Two hundred?!"

"The official documented count. They estimate there's more. He never really kept tabs so who knows," you add with a shrug.

The pre-teen was silent, his mind reeling as he tried to process what you'd just said. "And you...seem okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be? He was a good guy! I mean he only went after people who deserved it—kinda like Jigsaw. Strong moral compass and everything."

He purse his lips. "That's...that's not really the same thing."

"Eh. But hey, at least he stopped killing when I was born. Wanted to focus on raising me. He did start back when I turned six though." You smiled fondly as if reminiscing about happy childhood memories. "We even went on father-daughter hunting trips together. Great bonding time."

Percy's jaw dropped. "H-Hunting trips?"

"Yup! He'd teach me all about tracking, stealth, how to dispose of bodies. Said I had a natural gift for it."

He tried not to grimace at the thought of six-year-old you going on murder trips with a serial killer, a disturbingly vivid picture appearing in his mind.

"That's messed up," he blurted out unable to stop himself.

You giggled, waving it off like it was no big deal. "He got caught when I was nine. That's when I ended up in foster care."

The casual way you spoke about your past made Percy's skin crawl but he was too curious to stop listening. "Foster care?"

You poked at your food absentmindedly as you spoke. "It wasn't the best. Different homes, different people. It was toxic really: thrown bottles, yelling voices, a bruise here and there..."

Percy stiffened, the similarities between your childhood and his life with Gabe hitting a little too close to home.

Though it crashes at the sight of your dreamy expression, "...it was so chaotic. So beautiful."

"You're serious?" his voice was barely above a whisper, unsure if you were joking or genuine.

"Oh completely," you reply without missing a beat. "Chaos is unpredictable, uncontrollable. There's just something so freeing about it."

He swallowed hard feeling the gulf between how you both saw the world. What you called beautiful, he called trauma.

Not knowing how to respond to that he gives a stiff nod. "So um. W-what happened after that?"

You snapped out of your reverie and perk up again. "Oh right! So when I was around eleven I found out I was a Demigod. Arrived here and figured out who my mom was—Eris, goddess of strife and chaos, all that jazz."

A sense of relief filled him, feeling the conversation veer back to something he could at least wrap his head around. "And your dad?"

Your eyes brightened as if he'd asked the perfect question. "Well of course I started visiting him in prison once I figured out how to shadow travel."

"Wait," Percy blinked in surprise. "You visited him? Like you actually met him?"

"Yup," you said cheerfully. "I'd pop in during the night. To everyone else it just looked like he was talking to a dark corner. But I was there right beside him. Kept him company until..." Your voice trailed off but your smile didn't falter. "Well until he got the lethal injection when I turned twelve last year."

Percy stared at you, his mouth dry. "You were there?!"

"Duh. Who else was gonna be there for him? That's my dad after all...stayed with him until the very end."

A fond look appears on your face. "He even said his last words to me. Go out there and keep shaking things up sweetheart. The world's better with a little disorder..."

"Wow..." Was all Percy managed to say. He leans back in his seat as his mind reeled from everything you'd just told him. "I...uh...I'm sorry for your loss?"

You giggled, waving your hand dismissively. "Oh don't be. It's all good. He lived a full life you know? And I got to see it all."

Before either of you could continue the conversation a familiar voice cuts through the air. "____!"

Clarisse stormed over, her heavy boots thudding against the floor as she approached.

"Where have you been?!" She barked. Her scowl deepened when she saw Percy sitting across from you. "And what the Hades are you doing sitting with him?"

You simply smiled at her as if you hadn't noticed her foul mood at all.

"Just keeping Percy company," you chirped. "He looked lonely."

Clarisse huffed, her gaze sliding back to Percy with an unimpressed sneer. "Lonely huh? Poor little Seaweed Brain."

Percy bristled at the insult. He couldn't understand why you hang out with them, why they relied on you.

The question had been gnawing at him since he first noticed your strange connection with the Ares kids.

And now, with Clarisse glaring at him, he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What's the deal with you and those Ares kids anyway? They treat you like—like you're their servant or something."

Clarisse's sneer twisted into something darker, her voice dropping low as she leaned over the table toward Percy.

"You don't know anything," she growled. "Just her mother is to our father, she's everything to us. Without her we wouldn't be able to fight the way we do. Spill blood the way we do. She makes us stronger."

The intensity in her voice caught Percy off guard.

There was a fierceness to her words, but there was also something deeper—something like reverence. Maybe even admiration.

The Ares cabin respected you, needed you in a way that went beyond simple reliance. It unsettled him.

He looked at you perplexed but you only smiled at him as if you'd heard this all before.

Sensing the tension building you gently place a hand on Clarisse's arm, your touch instantly diffusing her aggression.

"Relax Clarisse," you say with a grin. "Percy's not so bad. He's just curious."

Clarisse grumbled under her breath, clearly still annoyed but less intense now.

"Fine. Just don't take too long. You know where to find us." She glared at Percy one last time before turning on her heel and stomping away, though not before giving the Demigod one last warning glare.

You turn back to Percy with a playful glint in your eyes. "Looks like I saved just you from an ass-whooping. You owe me one."

Percy couldn't help but chuckle with a shake of his head.

"You sure are a wild one," his words slipped out before he could stop them.

"Wild....?" The word roll off your tongue. Your smirk darkened ever so slightly as if those words triggered something in you. 

Percy's brows furrowed unsure what you meant, but before he could ask, you raise your hand.

Dark inky smoke began to twist and curl from your palm, snaking around your fingers like living shadows.

The air seemed to thicken with energy and Percy could only watch transfixed as the smoke condensed into a solid shape—a golden apple.

It seemed to shimmer with a strange otherworldly light, pulse softly as though it had a heartbeat of its own.

Percy's breath hitched. There was something mesmerizing about it but also deeply unsettling.

He knew enough about myths to recognize what this was: The Apple of Discord.

"Wha—" Percy began, but the words died on his lips as you twirled your hand with an elegant flick of your wrist and the apple morphed.

In its place appeared a sleek new phone and a vape pen, both gleaming as though they had just been pulled out of a store display.

Percy barely had time to process what was happening before you casually tossed the objects a short distance from the table and stood up.

"Hey look!" you called out loud enough to catch the attention of the surrounding campers. "The newest [phone model] and a [flavored] vape from the mortal world!"

Heads snapped in your direction, eyes widening as campers spotted the coveted objects lying on the ground.

In an instant the entire dining pavilion erupted into chaos.

Campers lunged for the phone and vape, shoving and pushing each other out of the way desperate to claim the prize.

Voices rose, chairs screeched across the floor, and fists flew as they scramble for the items intensified.

Percy could only sit there watching in stunned disbelief as the scene unfolded around him.

Campers who had been peacefully eating moments before were now engaged in full-on brawls all over a phone and a vape.

It was like a bomb had gone off and you had lit the fuse.

From across the way, Clarisse and the Ares kids along with your half-siblings, watched the chaos unfold with bored amusement.

They barely paid attention as they continued eating, as if this kind of spectacle was a routine occurrence. It probably was.

You calmly sit back down in your seat with a soft giddy sigh as if you had just finished a particularly satisfying task.

You didn't even glance at the chaos you'd caused, your focus entirely on your food as you took a slow bite.

"Wild you say...?"

A pale-faced Percy turned to look at you. The sheer ease in which you'd thrown the entire pavilion into disorder left him speechless.

Finally, you turn back to him, still smiling that sweet carefree smile. "...you have no idea~"