#but i've aaaalmost got it working

[neproxrezi]

trying to make generator VE-20B functional let alone useful is going to be the death of me

[angiestown]

okay I've been fussing with my asexuality for years and nothing ever felt right. I'd sift through microlabels and everything fit like a shoe on the wrong foot, like aaaalmost there but still just wrong.

I'd kind of settled on demisexual as the closest thing, but that still felt wrong because demi is like you're only attracted to people once you get close to them, and after dating my current bf I kind of realized oh I uuh really never was that into anyone else I dated. I liked dating them, but now that I know what being attracted to someone actually feels like I'm realizing oh I just liked my previous partners as friends. I never developed that attraction even after becoming close. current bf is a weird fluke I think. he is an outlier.

next best thing was grey-ace and that felt even more wrong, because regular ace felt completely wrong and grey-ace is kind of like halfway between ace and allo

I'd kind of just given up on microlabels all together and just went with a blanket queer because every other variation of asexuality I could find seemed to hinge on either being sex repulsed or some weird asterisk like "sometimes I want sex and sometimes I don't" or "I only like to imagine having sex but don't want it for real" like NO I'm a horny ass bitch I. Want. To. Fuck. I've got a nsfw blog !!! that only gets posted to like twice a year but I have one !!!! it kind of felt like asking an allosexual to go find hot singles in a retirement home. like that's not on me, there's just nobody in the retirement home that I'm into. except the retirement home is the whole world and I don't like gilfs.

anyway all this to say I just discovered the term cupiosexual and it's basically that, wanting and enjoying sex, you just aren't into anybody. first time I've ever in my entire life found a term and instantly been like THAT'S IT THAT'S WHAT I AM

and after finding that, it made it so easy to just be like okay yeah I'm greyromantic too. like I'd like a romantic relationship, but I could take it or leave it. also explains why polyamory has worked out so well for me because I want friends and I want fuck and who better to fuck than friends, and being poly doesn't tether you down to one person so I can have as many friends who are down to clown as I want

[sheepkebby]

Completing The Parish on expert difficulty

:)

Today, to celebrate Tabitha and I getting so close to the end of this challenge, I've dressed Ellis in his fanciest suit. He looks even better than Nick in my opinion.

The first map was pretty easy. We only died like once because I couldn't resist touching the jukebox and playing some funky tunes. Turns out a hoard of zombies hated my music taste. Oops.

After that blunder, Tabitha and I made it to the saferoom just fine. The bots weren't as lucky. They're just not experts like we are.

The second map, the one with the park and the alarm panic event, was definitely the hardest part of this campaign. We died maybe 6 times. At some point I had aaaalmost made it, everyone else was dead, but a Jockey got me just as I was a few yards from the saferoom. A damn shame.

On another attempt, we spotted a witch right outside that little van you hide in before the panic event. Turns out, those van doors are TOUGH. Tabitha startled the witch and she couldn't reach us, so we just shot her through the window. Get door'd idiot.

On another attempt, Tabitha and I were preparing in the van when suddenly the alarm started blaring. We turned around to see the door was wide open... But neither of us opened it?? Safe to say we didn't survive that attempt since the panic event started before we were ready. We have no idea why the door opened by itself. The only explanation was the bots did it for some reason, cus what else could it have been?

We executed them as punishment.

Anyways, here's me and Tabitha doing a little dancey dance together. Downloading the dancing healing animation mod was the best decision I've ever made.

Also at some point I noticed that in this saferoom there's a box of cereal WITH TF2 ON IT ❗❗❗ FUCK YEA I WANT A TF2 ACTION FIGURE

(Not entirely surprised this is here, since they're both Valve games. It's a really nice easter egg though. Made me happy).

Eventually, with a well timed bile bomb and some good luck, we actually made it to the saferoom with everyone alive! 6 deaths was a lot less than I thought we'd get, so either this map is easier than expected or we just got very lucky.

Next up was the car impound lot and the graveyard, which I think was the most terrifying map of this entire challenge. Before this, I didn't even have the achievement for not triggering any car alarms. I'm too much of a clumsy fool and always end up triggering at least one.

Tabitha gave me some advice though; stick to a melee weapon, don't shove any blinking cars, and don't jump on any blinking cars.

Our first attempt failed because a tank got in our way. Our second attempt failed, as I had accidentally shoved a car while trying to save Coach from a smoker.

I did notice, though, that this poster here has the same design on Ellis' hat! Maybe it's the same auto shop company that he works for?

On our third attempt, we managed to not trigger any car alarms! We made our way through the graveyard with extreme caution, throwing a pipe bomb or two that we found. I've ever been more terrified in my life. I don't think I blinked the entire time.

Despite my rising anxiety, we managed to make it to the saferoom just fine, and I got a new achievement!

Next up was the map with the parade float, and we actually made this on our first attempt!

The parade float was a little spooky, as the bots got downed on the ground floor cus they're idiots. Lucky for us though, that gave me and Tabitha some measure of safety, since the zombies were all attacking the downed bots rather than us. We killed all the zombies, but we were too late to save the bots. RIP.

It's alright, there were a few respawn closets up ahead anyway.

We got the bots back, and we made our way through town. At some point, I heard a small hoard of zombies come up behind us, so I threw my Molotov over my shoulder. Uh. Turns out there was a smoker behind us too, and it dragged one of the bots directly into the fire. The second bot decided to kill itself by also running directly into the fire in an attempt to save them. Woops!

Tabitha and I decided to book it at that point, since the saferoom was close by and there's gonna be like 8 medkits in there anyways. Tabitha got swarmed by the hoard, and I just barely managed to evade a witch and make it to the saferoom by myself.

I can't help but feel... Like maybe... This is my fault somehow... 🤔 No, not possible. I'm an expert gamer.

Now it was time for the bridge. The achievement was at our fingertips. We had plenty of medkits to spare since the game is very VERY generous in this saferoom. Tabitha and I took pipe bombs, and I took an adrenaline.

We died only twice.

On our third attempt, we had managed to successfully make our way to the middle of the bridge where the tank was. Here's an expert tip: Don't fight the fucking tank. It's a thousand times safer to just outrun it and let it kill the bots as a distraction, and we did just that.

We ran past the tank, ignoring the sounds of Coach and Nick dying behind us. I threw my pipe bomb just as the zombies started closing in on us. I was on red health, so I took my adrenaline to go a little bit faster. Tabitha and I booked it to the helicopter, and it was a clear, painless final sprint.

And finally, after everything we've been through, after all that pain, all the tears, the laughter, the friendly fire, the bot abuse, everything, ladies and gentlemen, we finally made it.

We finally completed every main L4D2 campaign on expert difficulty.

It was rough, but it was also the most fun I've ever had playing L4D2. If you have at least one friend to play with, I highly recommend trying to get this achievement yourself. Maybe you can use some of my posts for future reference to help you through some tough areas. I fully plan on making a lengthy google doc guide of everything I learned, and I'll post it within a few days. That way you guys can have a long list of strategies and expert tips if you're interested.

To everyone who cheered us on, gave us any tips, and laughed at our failed attempts, thank you so much. It's been a lot of fun posting my experience.

And thank you @thedarkfreack for sticking with me 'til the end and being the best partner ever. <3

Dead Center | Dark Carnival | Swamp Fever | Hard Rain

[ursafootprints]

I’ve been wanting to put together a music playlist for YNYD and am wondering if you have songs that inspire you when writing Starker?? I’d love to hear anyone’s suggestions for songs that make them think of your fantastic fic as well :,)

You know, my brain just doesn't work in songcalls at all except rare circumstances? I usually find songs either too general to remind me of any ship/character in specific, or on the other hand get too caught up on the too-specific parts that don't fit their circumstances exactly, haha.

That being said! The title for you're not yet done comes from Francis Forever by Mitski, a song about absolutely nuclear levels of yearning, so that's the "official" songcall I suppose!

Other than that, I consider How to Rest by The Crane Wives a kinda-sorta Tony songcall for YNYD, and I aaaalmost named the fic after a line from Paradise Valley by Honey and the Sting instead for describing Peter's struggle with loving Tony so much but also feeling like he asks/takes too much from him, but that felt like an even grimmer take to title the whole story after compared to the ~generalized yearning~ of Francis Forever. Hmm, I also like Line Without A Hook by Ricky Montgomery for the Miscommunication Stage before they admitted their feelings for each other?

Songcalls other people have sent to me (y'allllll 💖💖💖) include Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift, I Should Live in Salt by The National (nonnie something got botched with the formatting of your ask somehow so I've been debating how best to respond to it without excessive page-stretching and this works, thank you 💖💖💖), and Baby You're Worth It by Kina!

If anyone has other songcalls you like please feel free to add them in the replies for anon here! Thank you so much for the ask 💖

[marigoldispeculiar]

2022: A Year in Review

Thanks to @whimsyqueen for tagging me. Some of the categories don't really apply to me, so I'm skipping or modifying them.

Top 5 Movies I Saw This Year: I don't actually watch very many movies at all, so I legit can't think of a single one that I've watched this year.

Top 5 Shows I Watched This Year:

Bleach: Thousand Year Blood War

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls' Story

Hunter: The Parenting

Bocchi the Rock

Centaurworld (techically 2021 but it lives on in my heart, okay?)

Top 5 Songs of 2022: (once again all vocal synth)

Microplastic Girl

DE4TH

Wrong + Right

SIN

Candlelight

Top 5 Albums/Artists: (that I loved & appreciated this year; also still all vocal synth producers)

Nine Aetheria

Odotter

FLOAT

Asterisque

Matthias Harlow

Top 5 Books I Read This Year: (well, I'm guessing here; some of these I might have read a while ago; also yes they're all danmei)

Too Bad Master Died Early

Falling Into the Abyss

Copper Coins

This Damned Thirst for Survival

The Obsessive Shou Moves On

Top 5 TV/Book/Movie Characters Couples This Year: (tbh I imprint on couples way more than individual characters; also I'm cursed to forget the names of 80% of danmei protags)

Jonmina

Ichigo Kurosaki's parents

the couple from Falling Into the Abyss

the couple from This Damned Thirst for Survival

August and Galen (my OCs) (In my defense I did spend a lot of time thinking about them this year!)

Top 5 Podcasts Listened To:

Mormon Stories

Falling Out with Elgin Strait

Maintenance Phase

The Secret History of Western Esotericism

Science of Reading: The Podcast

5 Positive Things That Happened in 2022, No Matter How Small: (actually this was a big year for me)

Got my spondyloarthropathy diagnosis

Got on a biologic that's working

Started writing again

Started drawing again

Started and aaaalmost finished Perfect Medicine

I'm no-pressure tagging @writeouswriter, @btranwrites, and @isabellebissonrouthier, as well as leaving an open tag for anyone else who wants to join in!

[ithappensoffstage]

Tagged by the amazing @lolahardy - TYSM as always!

How many works do you have on ao3?

68! I orphaned roughly 20 of them last year, though.

What's your total ao3 word count?

434,449

What fandoms do you write for?

A lot, honestly ... I think my most beloved/popular works are for Stranger Things, TENET, and The Sandman, though.

Top five fics by kudos:

Damned If I Do You

how real hunger has a real taste

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy (co-authored)

Loved Me Back to Life (co-authored)

You'll Hear Me Howling (co-authored)

Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! I used to get shy/overwhelmed and didn't reply as much, but now I make sure to answer every single one.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I Loved You First

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Damned If I Do You

Do you get hate on fics?

Not often, but I've had some. I just delete and move on.

Do you write smut?

Absolutely.

Craziest crossover:

I don't write crossovers, although I made a Good Omens joke/reference in a Sandman fic that aaaalmost counts in my opinion.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Twitter people got ahold of one of my VegasPete fics and spread it around alongside stolen gifs. I wasn't happy.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

So many! I'm so in awe of translators.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have co-authored many fics with my sister AKA the other person who runs this blog.

All time favourite ship?

Neil and The Protagonist from TENET

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I really want to get back to a DreamGadling of mine, but I keep opening the doc and never writing anything.

What are your writing strengths?

Emotions, figurative language, balancing multiple characters in a scene

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue!! My nemesis

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I've used it sparingly. For the most part, if I am writing characters who speak another language, I leave a note that the reader should just assume they're speaking their native language in the fic despite my prose being in English.

First fandom you wrote in?

[redacted] - part of my big orphan spree

Favorite fic you've written?

I Loved You First

[blueempty]

Theres a weird little light line in the second pic that was only in the sky for like 2 seconds earlier but it was super cool

I did a big floor and carpet cleaning today like a big responsible guy. Afterwards I got on Barony which i've kinda slowed down on recently, but they rolled out a private beta for the January update so i started a new Conjurer run. Theyre adding a bunch of new hats and face accessories which sounds kinda trivial but if youre familiar with the games balance this is something it needed. I guess less than balance its just been needing more Stuff in it. Right now if you play a magic class its pretty much always gonna end up looking the same by the end, and the same pretty much goes for any other type of class. There's ways to guarantee good equipment for most classes in the game. But the hats and accessories do weird stuff like increase trap resistance, or make you friendly with incubi and succubi. Its really cool so far. They also snuck in new tree models in the swamp so I'm excited to see if theres other surprise changes further in. The other thing theyre adding that isnt in the beta is daily seeded dungeons that are the same for everyone so you basically do like a score challenge for the leaderboards. I'm excited to get back into that game soon. Although idk how the fuck I'm gonna balance that and two monster hunter games and drawing and hiragana

I did start drawing more again today. Its weird because I am feeling motivated to do it but at the same time I'm kinda doing it because I really really need to commodify my hobbies because money is super fucked right now and I can feel the depresso wave coming up again. I'm harnessing the power of the Dragon and I'm gonna do a Dragon Dance and I'm gonna immediately regret offering commissions on this website. I dont even know what I'd offer. I think tomorrow me will worry about that

I'm aaaalmost done with Fairune 2, I know I say that every day but I'm literally in the last area. I got neurodivergent about the maps because they get a little crown next to them if you fill them out all the way and theres an achievment so I'm on the path to 100%ing this run. Then I'll probably have to do it again but faster which is scary cuz that game is fuckin huge for what it is. And its confusing fairly often. But related to that, I'll share one of the things I started working on today since I got no night pics

Dramos run

Peace and Long Life

[bonusholefakeboy]

I love teasing a man when I'm on top. Regardless of what we've agreed about condoms, I'll straddle his hips and tease his bare cock with my pussy.

I keep my pace slow and start out low, rubbing my pussy on the base of his cock. I'll work my way up his shaft, dragging my increasingly wet hole along him. I want him to feel my heat, my soft lips. I slide my cunt along his shaft and over his head, almost allowing him to line up with my entrance. But I slide back down along his length.

Back and forth, I work his hardening cock with my slit.

The next time I get to his tip, I stay there, rocking my hole on the head of his cock, using the weight of my body to keep him flat between us. I lift up a bit, aaaalmost letting him angle into my sweet warmth, but I shift too far forward and his cock springs up behind me. And so I grind my ass on his shaft instead, simulating the top side of his dick for a while.

I slide my asshole along him, seeing if he can feel my pucker press on the head of his cock. Let him question which hole he'll be deep inside of soon, let him try to push up, impatient to feel himself inside of me. And I will let him rut against me, tying to sink his cock into one of my holes, either one, just getting desperate to force himself into me.

If I've got him really slick from my pussy, then maybe he stands a good chance of slipping into my asshole, but my pussy is still the easier target. You can't clench a vagina shut like you can an ass. You won't keep a cock out, you'll only make it tighter for his pleasure.

I know I can't fend him off if he gets purchase to thrust up into me. My only defense is keeping him from getting the right angle to slide into rather than along my slit. If I slip up, or if he gets frustrated and takes control, there's nothing between his cock and pussy, and I'm already lubed up for him...