#but i'm still going to fellowship tomorrow
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I was going to go to a Lughnasadh/Lammas celebration tonight, but... 1) it's somewhere I've never been before, 2) the friend I thought might be going, isn't, 3) the heat index is 100F right now (at 6 in the evening!) and 4) it's supposed to rain pretty hard tonight. So, nah.
Fingers crossed for trying a new thing in 8 weeks, when they do an autumn equinox celebration!
#personal#my weekend is shaping up to be less social than i planned#but i'm still going to fellowship tomorrow#and then driving my sister to her car#she's leaving it at her friend's house tonight#she's currently being maid of honor for said friend#and she has wisely decided to uber home from the wedding reception#i asked if she wanted me to drive her to her car BEFORE fellowship tomorrow and she was like NO. I WILL NOT BE FUNCTIONAL TIL AT LEAST NOON#fair enough lol
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didn't get the research grant i applied to for this summer but eh. that's alright
#it was good to go through the application process and everything for the experience and whatnot#and in my rejection email they said my 'materials were impressive' but they just had a number of strong candidates this year#oh well. one less thing to worry about#still finishing up my KC internship application now and i have an interview for the honors fellowship tomorrow#and i'm putting way more of my eggs in those two baskets anyway#sasha speaks
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dating aragorn headcanons!
hi guys this is the first time in a while that i've written something so i hope that you enjoy. i just recently rewatched lord of the rings and i'm obsessed with aragorn again so here are some headcanons!
aragorn x gn!reader
Aragorn is the biggest gentleman ever. You basically won the lottery when you started dating him.
The lyrics “In a world of boys he’s a gentleman” are about him 100%. Taylor Swift you are not slick at all.
Do not be fooled by his rugged looks, this man is the biggest romantic. He will plan the most romantic dates for the two of you even when he’s busy trying to be King. Even when he’s busy with his kingly duties he will still find a way to shower you with affection. Whether it’s leaving little love notes on your nightstand or bringing you a flower bouquet, he always wants you to make sure that you know that he’s thinking about you.
Aragorn’s love language is through acts of service. He wants to do everything for you. You are his first priority. You’re not feeling well? He’ll drop everything in his schedule to make sure you’re alright. Your weapons aren’t clean? He’ll clean them no problem. You’re cold? Bro will gladly take off his shirt and give it to you so that you’re not cold anymore.
When you guys were trekking through Middle Earth this man made sure that you got as much rest as possible
“Aragorn it’s my turn to take watch” you had said, rubbing your eyes with exhaustion. He walked over to you and put a hand on your shoulder. “You’re still tired, rest, sweet one, I’ll take care of it.” “But-” “No buts,” he said as he pushed you down gently. “Alright well I’m taking your shift tomorrow night,” you grumbled as you put your head in his lap and immediately fell asleep.
Let's just say he didn’t let you take the shift the next day.
He is soooo overprotective of you. He’s always been very protective over those he cares about but he’s especially protective over you since you’re his number one priority. Aragorn's actions are driven by genuine concern and love. He simply cannot bear the thought of losing those he holds dear and will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
He’s the person who taught you how to fight. You were so embarrassingly bad at first but Aragorn never once made fun of you. He was patient even as you started getting annoyed with training. He was determined to make you a great fighter and it worked.
During the fellowship, you fought fearlessly alongside Aragorn and took down hundreds of orcs together. At one point, Merry even playfully called you guys a power couple because of how hard you both fought together, which made you both grin at each other.
You and Aragorn are basically the hobbits’ parents. They all love you so much and look up to you both with the utmost respect. You both admire them a lot too. Their loyalty and determination never fail to inspire both of you to keep going, even when things get tough and the future feels uncertain.
You’re also best friends with Gimli and Legolas. They have so much respect for you. They are also always trying to one-up each other when it comes to you so they can be your favorite. Spoiler alert you could never choose between them!
Gimli often pretends to be grossed out by displays of affection between you and Aragorn, and likes to tease the two of you with mock disgust. “Oh, just get a room already!” he’d say which would make you and Aragorn laugh. However, deep down, he secretly harbors a soft spot for romance and enjoys witnessing the love and affection between you two. He may grumble and groan about it on the surface, but in reality, he finds it heartwarming to see the bond you share and the happiness you bring each other.
Aragorn isn’t really big on PDA but once you’re alone together, he's affectionate and attentive, making sure you feel cherished and cared for in every moment you share.
In public, he keeps it subtle with affection, but every now and then, he'll gently caress your palms or hold your hand, just enough to let you know he's there. It's his quiet way of showing love without drawing too much attention.
This man loves to give you forehead kisses. Whether you're feeling on top of the world or weighed down by the challenges of the day, Aragorn's forehead kisses are his way of saying that he’s always going to be there for you.
You often find yourself snuggled against his chest, your hand resting over his heart while his arm encircles you protectively. His fingers trace gentle patterns on your skin, a soothing sensation that relaxes you.
He also has the softest singing voice. It’s so pretty. He mostly sings old Elvish tunes but sometimes he’ll sing some songs in English.
You and Aragorn both share a love for animals, and you often find yourselves adopting stray creatures in need of a home. He's clearly a dog person through and through (I don't make the rules), but he has a soft spot for cats as well.
You love it when Aragorn tells you stories about his past. Whenever he starts recounting his adventures, you're all ears, completely mesmerized by his past. Secretly he loves your fascination with his stories and it fills him with a quiet sense of warmth.
You have a shared love for adventure and often find yourselves exploring new places together, whether it's hiking through scenic landscapes or just going around Gondor.
He is also the best listener. You tend to yap a lot but he does not seem to care at all. He will listen attentively, asking questions every so often, drinking in your every word. He always wants to make sure that you feel heard.
Aragorn also dreams about starting a family with you. He's always imagined the joy of being a father and raising children together, but he'll only take that step if you're both on board and excited about it. Your comfort and readiness are his top priorities, and he wants nothing more than to embark on this adventure together, hand in hand.
#lord of the rings x reader#aragorn x reader#lord of the rings imagines#aragorn imagine#lotr x reader#lotr imagine#viggo mortensen x reader
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♡ ~ HOBBIT TRAUMAS (AND HOW YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM) ~ ♡ (4 Hobbits X Reader Preference)
a/n: No one would escape an adventure like the Fellowship had unscathed, especially not if you were an innocent, good-hearted, fun-loving hobbit.
My take on the traumas the 4 hobbits would have after the adventure, and how you, reader, help them deal with that.
P.S. -This is my first-ever writing post in Tumblr... and also my first-ever posted fanfic-type-thing! It's just a bunch of headcanons right now - maybe I'll take one of the ideas and turn it into a drabble or something later. Feedback is the best thing ever, and I would love to get any that anybody has!
P.P.S. - Shoutout to @wordbunch, who's LOTR writings I absolutely adore, and whose post formatting I basically used as a cheat sheet, because I'm a totally clueless newbie. So thank you! I hope that wasn't out of line for me to borrow 😕
Frodo
Sometimes he can still feel the crushing weight of the ring pulling on his neck or weighing on his chest, and you catch him absentmindedly rubbing one of these spots
So you, you special person, find some excuse to give him a neck rub or a back rub
Because you absolutely cannot stand seeing him trying to hide his discomfort like this
You know openly calling him out on it will just remind him of all that happened to him, so you have become a Master of Subtlety and Distraction
Whenever you catch him staring into the distance, you know it is Time to Remove Frodo From His Own Head
So
Distractions ensue
Namely:
Surprise hugs
Randomly launching into stories or rants that you know he won't be able to help listening to
(Because the sound of your voice is not-so-secretly one of his favorite things and he will listen forever)
Offering to read to him (we all know this is Book Boy, so what better than having his favorite tales read aloud by you?? His favorite narrator??)
You make him cups of tea as he writes his book
When he sees you smiling in the doorway with a mug in one hand and the scent of his favorite leafy brew drifting out of it, it just makes his day because…well, you.
You just think of him too much and he can't handle it lol
Sam
Never
Ever
Ever
Try to put this poor boy around spiders
Ever
(yes I love this HC, idk who came up with it and I can’t remember where I saw it but it’s basically canon in my bran now)
He cannot stand them, not even in the garden anymore. You can see how he stiffens and twitches every time one of those ugly eight-leggers scuttles across his path and instantly know how much restraint he's using not to kill it on the spot.
Spider in the house? It's all you, Y/N
You know he would try to face it down for you and you alone
But you can't stand seeing him go all cold and shaky at a little garden spider
So you often remove them before he can even notice because peace in the house is a nice thing to have
He also has alarming levels of self-doubt sometimes because of how he thinks he's misjudged things in the past
But luckily for him, he has you
You are there to support him and are always advocating that he is strong and makes solidly good choices
And you know what? You are his world, so he believes your every word.
He drinks those affirmations up like there is no tomorrow
And you are happy to continue on as his supplier till the end of days
Merry
Personal HC that when his arm is burned after stabbing the Witch-King, he gets phantom pains not dissimilar to Frodo's
It's almost like nerve damage - he'll be fine one minute and drop whatever he was holding the next, or his hand will start twitching in weird and sometimes disturbing (to him) ways
This is Mr. "Nothing-Bothers-Me-And-I'm-Fine", so naturally, it bothers him quite a bit that one of his appendages refuses to follow orders on a regular basis
It's something that he tries to hide from you - pretends it's not there, BARELY jokes about it.
If Merry Brandybuck ain't joking about it, you aren't either.
Sometimes you hear villagers mentioning it in hushed whispers, and you (badass) shut them up before a single one makes it back to Merry
Because you know that's what he'd do for you, so you absolutely do it for him.
And you know he secretly appreciates that you don't fuss over it, because he doesn't want to feel different or incapable. It helps, for him, that you treat him like just the same person he was before (because he is duh) and nothing has changed and he doesn't want or need to be coddled.
Not saying you do, but you might sometimes give this particular arm a little extra love and affection. Massaging his hand, tracing circles on his wrist, and just letting him know how dead cool you think his scar is.
Because, really…how many people have changed the fate of Middle Earth and have something to prove it?
Your Merry does, that's who. And you'll never let him forget how amazing and brave he is.
Pippin
Pippin is constantly awake in the dead of night
Because he's haunted by wild nightmares
And you're the first and probably one of the only people he would turn to for comfort
So guess what? You're up too, holding him close to you in the dead of night while he tries to calm down
Sometimes he tells you what the night mare was, sometimes he keeps silent and just wants to lay next to you. You know he'll tell you in his own time if it's right to.
This little hobbit is such an empath, he really took to heart EVERYTHING that happened on his journey
And he thinks that way too many things were exclusively his fault
Gandalf's death? His fault.
Merry getting hurt (because he got them separated and wasn't there)? His fault.
Boromir's death (because he didn't know how to fight)? His fault.
Again, you know better than to push, but you know the content of a lot of his nightmares revolves around his contributions being insignificant, his actions causing people's injury (or death), and how badly things could have played out because of him. It worries you, how much brainspace he gives to these things.
So you keep him close to you. I mean that both literally and figuratively. He's not shy about taking the physical comfort he needs (honestly I don't think he's aware of the concept of personal space), but he gets tripped up trying to talk about his own feelings
So you just give him his space, all the time he needs, and bottomless snuggles
Because contrary to what he thinks, a lot of things went right because of him, and you can't tell him enough how much he means to everyone (and you. most importantly, definitely you.)
Thank you for reading, if you made it down this far! I hope to post some actual writing soon, if I can find the time to sit down and put my Writer's Cap on. I am considering opening requests! At this point I don't know who will see this r how it's going to do, so we'll see how things work out :)
#lotr x reader#lotr#frodo#frodo baggins#frodo x reader#frodobaggins x reader#saw#samwise#samwise gamgee#sam x reader#samwise x reader#merry#merry brandybuck#merry x reader#merry brandybuck x reader#pippin x reader#pippin took x reader#pippin took#lotr preference#frodo imagine#samwise imagine#merry brandybuck imagine#pippin took imagine
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Last Shift
Premise: It’s Cassie’s last day as a resident, and she has plans to commemorate the occasion with Ethan.
Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff. Words: 1,705
A/N: Submission for @choicesprompts Rewrite Challenge. This fic is inspired by The Rookie TV show, season 3, episode 9 when Lucy runs through a relationship checklist with Tim on her last day as a rookie. I'm also using @choicesflashfics week 43, prompt 1.
The day was finally here. Three soul-crushing years of being at the beck and call of attendings. Three rewarding years of tackling the most challenging cases in medicine. Three awe-inspiring years of working with her medical hero, Dr. Ethan Ramsey.
Three years of laughter, tears, disappointments and hope. Three years of living in Boston and making it her home. Three crazy years full of shenanigans with her friends, she thought, eyeing everyone around her as they exited the T station and walked toward the hospital.
Cassie Valentine still couldn’t believe it was her last shift as a resident. Starting tomorrow (or in a few weeks since she was taking some much-deserved time off), she would be an attending physician in Edenbrook’s internal medicine department.
After much haggling, her offer letter and contract were sealed, signed and delivered. Ethan had been amused by the back and forth, but no Valentine accepted the first offer presented. Max would’ve never let her hear the end of it, and her grandfather would’ve tried to disown her again.
Still in disbelief, she reached out and pinched her friend and roomie, Jackie Varma.
“Ouch! What the fuck, Valentine?!?”
“Sorry, but I can’t believe it’s our last day as residents!” Cassie said in a sing-song voice.
“So you pinched me instead of yourself?”
“Well, yeah. If I pinched myself, how would I know it was real?”
Jackie rolled her eyes and changed places with Sienna as they neared Edenbrook’s gleaming façade. Aurora threw both of them an amused look but kept walking.
“Is Dr. Ramsey doing anything special to memorialize your last shift?” Elijah asked.
“Yes, he is. He just doesn’t know it yet,” Cassie quipped, sharing a conspiratorial wink with Sienna.
Only her besties were aware of the list she’d prepared with steps one should take to ensure a healthy parting in a relationship. She’d found it in one of her Psychology textbooks and decided it was the perfect way to mark the end of this stage in her career.
Once inside the hospital, they split off to their respective floors after making plans to meet for lunch. Their last one together as residents, Cassie thought, getting teary-eyed at the thought.
Technically speaking, most of them were staying here. Jackie was Chief Resident for a second year, Sienna would start as a senior Pediatrics resident, and Elijah staying on as a researcher.
Bryce still had one more year in his surgical residency and would likely remain at Edenbrook for a fellowship. Only Aurora was leaving to work across town at Mass Kenmore.
“Are you getting emotional again, Rookie?” Ethan teased when she walked through the Diagnostic Team’s glass doors, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
Last night at the graduation ceremony and dinner, he took great pleasure in needling her about getting sentimental. Her parents and Max had flown in for the occasion. Their effusive pride in her accomplishment was dampened by Ethan’s uber-rationality.
“When I was your age, I couldn’t wait for my residency to finish,” Ethan said, leaning back in his chair.
“I’m excited. Believe me,” Cassie said. “But I also know the importance of acknowledging your loss when going through something like this.”
“Acknowledging your loss?” Ethan looked wary. “Is this from one of your online pop psychology quizzes?”
“Funny you should say that,” she said eagerly, pulling up a list on her phone. “One should follow a series of steps to ensure a relationship ends amicably. We are going to work through every single one of them. Today.”
“Are you breaking up with me? Was I just a residency fling?” Ethan said morosely, gazing at his fingernails.
“What? No, of course not,” Cassie tripped over her tongue, shocked.
“I hope you know by now how much you mean to me,” he said, his expression crestfallen.
“I do, completely.” Cassie felt her heart hitch at the thought of their personal relationship ending. “Ethan…”
Anguished, she started to reach for him, stopping mid-step when he looked her straight in the eye and smirked nastily.
“Gotcha!”
“You’re such an ass,” she shrieked.
“You know nothing’s changing tomorrow except your title, right?” he said reasonably, coming out from behind the desk to stand before her, arms crossed.
“Not true,” Cassie said, disgruntled at how obtuse Ethan could sometimes be.
“Well, yes,” Ethan nodded. “You might get one of the closet-sized offices reserved for new attendings instead of squatting in mine.”
“So, you won’t miss working with me at all?” Cassie said skeptically, waving away the second part of his statement.
“No.”
“Mm. Denial. Check,” Cassie hummed, ticking the item on her phone.
“Besides,” Ethan continued, ignoring her comment, “your new inflated contract, one you spent weeks negotiating, guarantees you a permanent spot on the Diagnostics Team. You’ll likely spend most of your day here.” He paused for dramatic effect. “With me. Like you’ve done for the last two years!”
“Okay, we’ve moved on to anger. This is progress.”
Ethan threw his hands up in frustration and turned away to grab files off his desk.
“Put your list away,” he ordered. “Baz and Tobias should be here shortly. We have a new case. The patient is being transferred from Portland Memorial.”
“Might as well,” Cassie grumbled, taking her seat at the conference table. “The next step is to surround yourself with people who support, value and energize you.”
“I’m offended,” Ethan shot back. “I support, value and energize you plenty. Or did you forget where my mouth was last Saturday night?”
Before Cassie could retort, the door slid open, and the team filed in. She threw Ethan a vexed look that promised retribution and switched her attention to the case.
It was late afternoon by the time she had a moment free. Desperate for coffee, she texted Ethan to check if he wanted to join her at Derry’s. He texted back a thumb’s up emoji, and five minutes later, they met in the atrium to head out together.
“What’s next on your list?” he asked curiously, folding her hand in his as they strolled down the street and cut through the square with its manicured pathways.
Cassie reached for her phone and pulled up the notes app with one hand. “Reflect on the lessons learned — good and the bad — and express gratitude.
“Okay. So what have I taught you?”
“Not to second-guess myself,” Cassie acknowledged. “I was so scared of you my first day as an intern. When Annie coded, you berated me, telling me I should think seriously about becoming a doctor. That sent me into a tailspin, and it took me months to feel like I could do this. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
With a grin, she tapped the phone and turned the screen so Ethan could see the checklist. “Four down, one more to go!”
He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything.
They arrived at Derry’s, and Ethan stepped aside to hold open the door for her. For the next half-hour, they put the list and work aside and simply enjoyed their coffee date and each other’s company.
Finally, it was the end of her shift. True to form, she’d spent every minute of her last day as a resident doing precisely what she loved. And with the best people imaginable.
“Good job, everyone,” Ethan said to the team gathered in the office. “I’ll send a copy of the treatment plan to the referring attending at Portland Memorial. Clock out and have a good night.”
Cassie exchanged pleasantries with Baz as Tobias saluted goodbye.
“I’m buying you a round at Donahue’s,” Baz said, smiling. “See you there?”
“Absolutely. I have to empty my locker, but should be there in thirty.”
With a wave to Ethan, he joined Tobias in the hallway. Heads together in discussion, the two of them disappeared from view.
“We did it!” Cassie clapped her hands, rubbing them in glee.
“No, you did it,” Ethan commented, handing her an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“My evaluation of your entire residency,” he said, leaning against the front of his desk. “As you know, I’m not allowed to formally evaluate you, given our personal relationship. But, nothing stops me from doing it informally.”
Cassie stared at the envelope but didn’t open it. She hadn’t admitted to herself until now how much she needed this. She had come to Edenbrook to learn from this man, and despite everything, she needed Doctor Ramsey’s approval. Not just Ethan’s.
“Everything okay?” he asked, concerned.
She nodded. With a deep breath, she tore open the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper inside to read the words aloud.
“Dr. Cassie Valentine, MD, is the best diagnostician I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. The Diagnostics Team and its mission couldn’t be in better hands.”
“Thank you,” Cassie said, tearing up again, much to Ethan’s chagrin.
“I couldn’t be the doctor I am today if you hadn’t mentored or challenged me to excel.” She squeezed his hand to let him know how much she appreciated him. “I’ve learned to trust my medical instincts, even if it’s not how you would do it. And I found my own path to being a doctor, just like you said I would the night we lost Dolores.”
“You’re welcome,” he straightened from the desk and framed her face between his hands. “Don’t let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Not even me.”
“Acceptance. Our checklist is complete,” she said with a watery smile before adding. “I have something for you too.”
Cassie reached inside the pocket of her white coat and handed Ethan a small envelope. He stared at it quizzically, turning it over, trying to guess what was inside.
“Open it!” she said, steepling her fingers under her chin, practically vibrating from excitement.
“What the fu—"
She laughed uproariously as Ethan stared in confusion inside the envelope. He quirked one eyebrow and held out the four one-dollar bills she’d stuffed in there.
“One dollar for each year of private lessons and a dollar tip.”
With a wink and a pat on his cheek, Cassie left the Diagnostics Team office for the last time as a resident and junior fellow with a jaunty spring in her step.
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All Fics & Edits: @annfg8 @bluebelle08 @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @doriopenheart @genevievemd @headoverheelsforramsey @lucy-268 @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @mainstreetreader @peonierose @potionsprefect @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @socalwriterbee @takemyopenheart @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction
Submissions: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics
Ethan & Cassie only: @cariantha @custaroonie @hopelessromantic1352 @mrs-ramsey @youlookappropriate
#open heart#ethan ramsey#open heart fanfics#playchoices#open heart fanficton#open heart choices#choices fic writers creations#cfwc fics of the week#choices fanfics#choices fanfiction#ethan ramsey x mc#ethan ramsey x cassie valentine#writers on tumblr#short story
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I just saw your requests are open and you BEST believe I'm gonna want to send in a million of them (I will restrain myself don't worry)
For the first one, I don't know what LOTR characters you're okay with writing (I tried to find a list but I didn't see one, maybe I'm just blind idk.)
Anywayssss....Aragorn with the word heartbeat?
I think that would be sweet. I hope I did this right 😰 love ur stuff btw!!
The city below was abustle with song and celebration, and a brisk breeze blew up and into the courtyard, carrying with it the scent of grilled foods, and the fragrance of the first flowers of spring. Indeed, they were hung up all along the main roads, woven into skilful wreaths and garlands; Minas Tirith was in a festive mood, and the people had decorated their homesteads beautifully for this grand occasion. Their king, after all, would welcome his two-hundred-and-tenth year on the morrow. From high above, where the Citadel overlooked all the rings below, King Elessar Telcontar watched, a gentle smile on his aged face. Even from this distance, he could see his people rejoicing in the streets; his eyes had not betrayed him in his old age, remaining youthful and bright even when his body had not. Alas, he felt every year of his life weighing on his shoulders these days, and his mind had been wandering lately, to the places his body could no longer follow. The beat of his heart was still strong beneath his trembling palm, but he knew; it was time. This was the gift given to his people – to go when they felt the time was right, to bid their loved ones farewell while their minds were still clear and their eyes still bright. The breeze whispered through white hair, murmuring softly of lost friends and worlds beyond, instead of the ringing ballads sung in the streets below. His heart beat in tune, steady and calm, pushing blood and life through his veins yet. He knew that tomorrow, he would ask it to cease, after he had spoken to all those dear to him one final time, and kissed their brows good-bye. And he would hold Arwen in his arms, and together they would fall asleep and step beyond the circles of this world, and they would sing and dance and wander like they did when he was young, and greet the new horizons hand-in-hand. A lilting tune drifted up from the celebrations below, a famous ballad for a century-old Fellowship, and the old king leaned into the wind, and closed his youthful eyes with a peaceful sigh. Yes, he was quite ready for a new adventure.
Anon, thank you so much for your sweet words and your lovely prompt! I very much enjoyed writing this one! And I hope you also enjoy my humble imitation of Tolkien's writing style. Reading the appendix about the Fellowship's final years always fills me with the most wonderful bittersweetness, and I hoped to capture that feeling in this little piece. But it definitely deserved more than 100 words, so it came out a little longer than my usual drabbles. Aragorn deserves nothing less!
My drabble requests are still open to everyone who wants to send some in! My apologies for taking a while to get to them though, I've been somewhat busy these last few weeks.
#The Lord of the Rings#Lord of the Rings#LotR#Aragorn#King Elessar#fanfic#drabble#drabble requests#my writing#Anon
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Headlights on Dark Roads - Chapter 1
Pairing: Eddie x Chrissy (No Vecna/No Upside Down AU)
Summary: Eddie and Chrissy are in a relationship, having reconnected after they both moved back to Hawkins. However, Laura's disapproval still looms over them, and when Eddie has an opportunity to reunite and revive Corroded Coffin, Chrissy has to make a difficult choice between going with him to LA and staying in Hawkins to take care of her ailing mother.
A/N: So this is a soft continuation of my one-shot "Same Streets, New Memories". I tried to make it possible to read this as a standalone, but it would probably help with understanding some of the context if you read "SSNM" first. Also, be warned: this doesn't have a happy ending. I'm so sorry :((
Warnings: angst (oh so much angst), abuse (Laura Cunningham is her own warning), implied/mentions of ED, implied/mentions of homophobia, some smut (non-explicit)
Chapter word count: 4.7k
Chapter 1
"Eddie, wake up," Chrissy whispered, her lips brushing Eddie's ear as she leaned closer to him. In response, Eddie groaned and buried his head deeper into the pillow. Chrissy smiled. Eddie always reverted to being a kid when it came to waking up. "I brought breakfast," she said. "Or lunch." She still wasn't quite sure what to call it. It was usually Eddie's first meal of the day after he got off his shift at the Hideout, which made it breakfast, but it was also eaten around one or two in the afternoon, which made it lunch.
"I don't want breakfast. Or lunch," Eddie grumbled. He grabbed her waist and pulled her down on the bed, before rolling on top and planning a sleepy kiss on her lips. "I want this."
"Come on, let's get up and eat. I have practice this afternoon."
"Call in sick." The kiss was getting decidedly less sleepy now.
Chrissy laughed in mock outrage. "I can't, I'm the coach!"
"All right then, Coach Cunningham." Eddie lifted his head, his eyes twinkling. "What time's practice?"
"3:15."
He glanced at the alarm clock by the bedside table and grinned, the playful Munson grin that never failed to melt Chrissy's heart. "Plenty of time," he said, and kissed her again. This time, she kissed him back, luxuriating in the feel of his mouth against hers, of her hands in his hair.
When they finally sat down to the burrito wraps that had gone cold, Eddie said, "I have the day off. Do you want to grab dinner later and come back here to watch Fellowship?"
"Again?" Chrissy had enjoyed the movie when Eddie first showed it to her, though she didn't find the prospect of sitting on her butt for nearly three hours that appealing. From then on, whenever Eddie wanted to rewatch it, which was constantly, her stipulation was that they added at least one bathroom break.
"I'm going to watch it once a week until Two Towers comes out."
Chrissy shook her head affectionately. "I do believe you're going to break that tape."
"No, it's the extended version! Come on, I won't even be mad if you fall asleep—again."
It was hard to escape his enthusiasm.
"OK, but I can't stay. I have to drive my mom to physical therapy tomorrow," she said. Ever since Eddie moved into this apartment, she'd only stayed overnight a handful of times, always arriving after putting her mother to bed and coming back before she woke. After her stroke, Laura could still move about with the use of a walker and a wheelchair, but she would know if Chrissy wasn't there and would complain about being left on her own.
Eddie's face fell, but quickly brightened up again. "Guess who I ran into at Guitar Center the other day?"
When Eddie took that second job teaching guitar at the music store in Bloomington, he'd joked "Those that can't do, teach." He was so cheerful these days that he often made jokes like that, and Chrissy's heart swelled again when she remembered how he had been when they first ran into each other—so beaten-down and bitter, compared to how he was now.
"Who?" she asked, nibbling on a tortilla chip.
"Gareth, looking for a hi-hat! He said I've inspired him to get back into drumming. Can't imagine why, after all the horrible stories I told him about our gigs back West." Eddie was being flippant, but Chrissy could see from his sparkling eyes that he was happy for his friend.
"I bet his wife loves that," she said with a grin.
"She does, that's the thing! Their kid loves it too! So every weekend, Gareth would just take the kid into the garage and bang away on the drums while Nicole has time to herself. Win-win."
"That's great."
"I was telling him, if we can get Jeff and Grant to come home for Christmas, maybe we'll have a Corroded Coffin reunion show at the Hideout."
"Oh, could you?" Chrissy squealed. "That means I'll finally be able to see you guys live!"
"And that'll be incentive enough for me," Eddie said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.
He finished his wrap and pushed the other one toward her. Chrissy's stomach flipped on reflex, the old queasiness whenever someone asked her to eat rearing its head again.
"Oh, I'm already full from the chips and salsa," she said automatically.
A crease of worry appeared between Eddie's eyes, but it only lasted for an instant. "I can't possibly eat all of that though," he said, pulling the burrito back. "Half?"
"...OK."
Chrissy took her half of the wrap. Eddie scarfed his half down, confirming her guess that he'd lied about not being able to eat the whole thing. But this was the one lie from him that she would always forgive. She and Eddie had never discussed her problem with eating, though she suspected he had already guessed from the way she pushed her food around the plate whenever they dined out together, from the way she was always bringing food to his place but never seemed to want to eat any of it herself. He never pressed her about it, but would always say he wanted to try this or that dish and ask her to share with him. She knew it was his subtle way of getting her to eat a little bit more, and was grateful for it. For him.
Once done, Eddie cleaned up the wrappers from the kitchen table, went to the couch, and picked up his guitar.
"Is that a new song?" Chrissy asked between bites, as he strummed through the first few chords.
"Not really. I started it a while ago. The day we ran into each other in the woods, remember?"
How could she forget?
"I can't figure it part out." He played some more, humming along, and shook his head irritably.
"I think it sounds great."
"You think all of my songs sound great," Eddie said, but he looked pleased.
Chrissy finished her burrito and got up to wash her hands. "By the way, what are you and Wayne doing for Thanksgiving?" Eddie's comment about Christmas had reminded her.
"I'm not sure," he replied, jotting down some notes. "Usually one of his buddies from the plant would invite us to their house, or we'll just have a symbolic turkey sandwich."
"Turkey sandwich?!" Chrissy exclaimed. "That's a crime!"
Eddie laughed. "It doesn't make sense to have a big feast with just the two of us," he said, and proceeded to tell her about the year when, determined to give Eddie a proper Thanksgiving, Wayne had bought a turkey, attempted to deep-fry it, and almost burned their trailer down.
After Chrissy had wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and gotten her breath back, she said, "Would you two like to come to dinner with me and my mom then?"
She tried to say it lightly, but apparently, she'd failed, because Eddie stopped strumming the guitar and looked up at her. "Are we at the meet-the-parent stage already?" His eyes were laughing, but there was a breathless quality to his voice that matched how she was feeling.
They had been together for nearly eight months, eight wonderful, glorious months, since that day they ran into each other in the woods behind Hawkins High, of all places. If Chrissy had been superstitious, she would've said it felt like fate.
She hadn't even meant to ask Eddie out. She'd invited him to a basketball game only to catch up but hadn't expected him to actually show. But he had, and when she saw him lingering at the gym's entrance, looking out of place amongst the suburban parents with his long hair and leather jacket, a bubble of warmth had burst in her chest. After the game, they'd gone to the Hideout, where they'd just talked and talked and talked, about everything and nothing, and when she dropped him off at his trailer later that night, she'd leaned over to finish the kiss she'd started way back in '86, and that had cinched it.
Even now, eight months later, that warm bubble still expanded through her whenever she looked at him. Sometimes, she would be kicking herself for running from him all those years ago. But then again, Chrissy was a firm believer in timing. If they had gotten together back then, back when they were too young and fragile to handle this, it would've ended in disaster, or worse, they would have drifted apart and become strangers, just another face in the crowd.
Still, it would have been nice if they could have met a little sooner.
"I've met Wayne," she reminded Eddie.
"Yeah, but—that's different. He's known about us from the beginning." The easy way he said us set her heart fluttering. "Your mom, on the other hand—"
He was right to worry. Chrissy knew her mom suspected she was seeing someone, and she was thankful that since the stroke, Laura hadn't gone out much and therefore was no longer familiar with the rumor mill of Hawkins, or else she would have found out the truth and thrown a fit. The only boyfriend of Chrissy's that Laura had ever approved of was Jason, and she still nagged Chrissy about breaking up with him, although it had been nearly seventeen years and Jason was now happily married.
"Look, if your mom doesn't want me and Wayne there, you don't have to invite us."
"She just has to accept that I'm a grown-up now and can be with whoever I want," Chrissy said, sounding more confident than she felt. "She's lucky I'm bringing you home at all."
"Wow, I'm honored." Eddie was still teasing, but his eyes were soft.
"I'm serious. I've never—"
She trailed off. What she'd wanted to say was, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Or anyone. But she was afraid of coming on too strongly.
She hadn't been sure of any of her exes. Jason... they'd gone out because she'd felt it was expected of her, the head cheerleader and the captain of the basketball team. God, could I be any more superficial? Her exes in college and after were the same, people she dated because she thought she was supposed to be dating, or because she wanted to defy her mother. She hadn't even been sure of her ex-husband. She'd married him only to get away from Hawkins, away from her mother.
But Eddie, Eddie was different. Even back in high school, when she had been on the verge of shattering under a thousand different pressures—pressure from her mom, from Jason, from school, from college, from her friends, pressure to be perfect, to maintain the façade of the Queen of Hawkins High—within five minutes, Eddie had managed to put her back together without even knowing what was bothering her. He'd only seen that she was bothered and had done everything he could to cheer her up.
Yes, even back then, Chrissy had known she would be safe with Eddie, and she knew it even more strongly now. She could see his affection in everything he did, from little things like sharing his food or calling her in the morning even though he just got off work and should be in bed (though, to be fair, she'd had to pester him to get a cell phone), to big things like moving into this apartment.
When he first got the apartment, Eddie had insisted that he didn't want to mooch off Wayne any longer ("Plus, have you seen his cooking? I got a heart murmur just looking at it!"), and that they needed a place for themselves. It was true that, after a month or so into their relationship—Chrissy had never considered that they were simply "dating"; from the first moment, it had felt like a serious relationship—things had gotten rather awkward after several heavy make-out sessions in her car, when both had bumped their heads on the ceiling and against the window.
"We can't go back to my trailer, Wayne's home," Eddie had said, burying his face in her bare shoulder.
"And my mom's home too."
They had giggled together then, feeling ridiculous that they were forced to sneak around like two teenagers. Despite the illicit thrill of it all, it had become apparent that they needed some privacy. So Eddie had found a cheap studio apartment in town. Chrissy had helped him move in and bought all the little things to make it homey, like the throw blanket on the couch to the little potted plants on the window sills that Eddie had promised to keep alive but was likely to forget, so she made sure to water them whenever she stopped by. And one day, when she'd come to him sobbing from a particularly bad fight with her mother, he'd given her the spare key. Just like with everything, Eddie saw what she needed without having to ask.
Now he was looking at her with those knowing, loving eyes, and Chrissy realized she didn't have to say anything at all.
"We can always have Thanksgiving here, or at the trailer," he said. "Just the three of us."
"I can't leave my mom alone on Thanksgiving!" Chrissy protested. "Look, if you don't want to come—"
Eddie watched her fidget with her fingers, and an impish smile peeped out at the corner of his lips. "OK, we'll be there," he said, "if your mom promises not to call a priest to have the house blessed."
"Only if Wayne promises not to organize an exorcism for her," she shot back with a smile of her own. He laughed and pulled her into his lap.
"I meant it about having Thanksgiving with me and Wayne though," he said, more gently. "If you feel like getting out of the house."
"I know." Chrissy leaned in to meet his lips, her worries vanishing in the warmth of his kiss.
***
Only with Eddie's assurance like a talisman in her heart that Chrissy felt she had the strength to breach the subject of Thanksgiving to her mother.
"I'm inviting some people over for Thanksgiving, is that OK?" she asked the next day, while they were on their way to the physical therapy center.
"Who?" Laura asked suspiciously. "Not Ryan and that—that—"
"Nate, mom, his name's Nate," Chrissy said.
"I don't want to hear his name!" Laura screeched.
Ten years ago, her younger brother, Ryan, had come out to their parents before he'd left for college. They'd cut him off immediately. Ryan had confided in Chrissy before that, but as she was in Chicago at the time, struggling to find a job after dropping out of nursing school, she couldn't do much to help. She'd only learned of the falling-out much later, when Ryan called to let her know he'd moved to Toronto with his boyfriend, Nate. Ryan hadn't even come home for their father's funeral. She still kept in touch with him with the occasional emails and phone calls, but to Laura, he might as well be dead.
"No, it's not Ryan," Chrissy continued, ignoring Laura's hysterics. "This is—someone from high school."
"Not Jason?!" Laura immediately forgot her erstwhile prodigal son and looked so excited that Chrissy felt the usual hot burst of annoyance in her belly. Always Jason.
"No. His name's Eddie." Chrissy prayed that her mom didn't notice she had deliberately left out the last name. She quickly added, "I don't think you know him. We didn't exactly move in the same circles back in high school. He's been living in California, but he just moved home to—to take care of his uncle. It's just the two of them." This was what she and Eddie had agreed to tell her mother, and Eddie would make sure Wayne followed the same script. It sounded better than saying he moved home because his band failed.
Laura narrowed her eyes at Chrissy. "If you weren't friends in school, why would you invite him?"
"Oh, I ran into him in town and just felt sorry for them, I guess," Chrissy said in what she hoped was an offhanded way. "If you'd rather not have guests—"
"Invite who you want, I don't care." Laura turned to the window with a look that said she did care, a lot, and was hoping Chrissy would feel bad and back down. But Chrissy knew her mother too well to fall for her passive-aggressiveness. She took Laura's statement at face value.
***
As she put the finishing touch to the Thanksgiving dinner, Chrissy wondered if this was a mistake.
She wasn't worried about Eddie and Wayne. They would be able to take whatever Laura threw at them, she was sure. The only thing was... sometimes she felt like keeping Eddie as her own little secret, her safe place, her sanctuary away from her mother's constant demands and criticism. Introducing him to Laura would threaten that. But she couldn't keep sneaking around forever. She couldn't do what Ryan did and simply turn her back on their mother the moment she showed her disapproval. Chrissy wanted her mother to accept Eddie, or at least accept the fact that she was seeing him.
It started well enough. Eddie and Wayne came right on time, bringing a pumpkin pie, a bottle of wine, and some cider. Chrissy almost laughed when she saw the effort Eddie had made with his appearance—he was clean-shaven, he had left off his rings and wore a long-sleeve shirt to cover up his tattoos, and he had even tied his hair back, making him look like one of those hipsters, whose pretentious looks had started to spread even to Hawkins. Laura pressed her lips together and eyed him up and down but said nothing. Wayne's eyes twinkled as he looked over the house—so big and yet so cold and impersonal, compared to the cozy little trailer he and Eddie had shared—but he was perfectly polite and amiable. It was true that he slipped up and introduced himself with his last name when he shook Laura's hand, but thankfully, she didn't seem to register the last name "Munson". He even had the genius idea of inquiring Laura after her health, which was her absolute favorite subject, and kept her engaged until it was time to eat.
Things started getting a little tense when they sat down at the table and Chrissy carved the turkey. "Stick to the white meat, Chrissy, it's better for you," Laura said, watching Chrissy load up her own plate. "And that's too much stuffing."
Her cheeks burning, Chrissy spooned some of the stuffing back. She saw something flash across Eddie's face—annoyance, anger, or perhaps sympathy—but it was gone in an instant, and he squeezed her hand under the table as she sat down. She squeezed back with a grateful smile.
"Well, this all looks amazing," Wayne said, rubbing his hands together. "My compliments to the cook." Chrissy gave him a grateful smile as well.
Wayne more or less singlehandedly kept conversation around the table going, asking Laura about her physical therapy, talking about his own back problem, drawing Chrissy and Eddie into the discussion whenever the uncomfortable silence threatened to descend again. Laura, however, seemed preoccupied. She kept looking from Wayne to Eddie as if trying to place them. It had been over twenty years since Eddie's dad, Al, left Hawkins, but the name Munson still had a certain ominous ring to it. Chrissy could only pray that Laura wouldn't remember.
Then, when Chrissy brought out the pie, Laura stopped pretending to be polite and began the interrogation.
"What did you do in Los Angles?" Laura asked.
"I'm a musician," replied Eddie. They had agreed not to mention his job at the Hideout, only saying he was teaching music in Bloomington. Laura gave one of her eloquent sniffs to show mild disapproval, but made no further remark.
"Where do you live?"
Chrissy remembered, with a start, that they'd forgotten to discuss this beforehand.
"On Mulberry," she chimed in before either Wayne could answer, using Eddie's current address. "In one of those new buildings they just put up by Melvald's, you know?"
But Laura wasn't listening. Her eyes widened, then narrowed again, and Chrissy recognized, with dismay, all the signs of her mother's temper rising.
"Munson! You're related to that criminal Al Munson, aren't you?" Laura said, all but pointing an accusing finger at Wayne and Eddie.
Chrissy felt her knees go weak. Under the table, Eddie's fingers crushed her hand. Only Wayne remained calm.
"Yep, my no-good brother," he said with a shrug. "Have to say, leaving Hawkins was the best thing he ever did. Otherwise, Eddie might not have turned out so well. Is that right, Ed?" He laughed and gave Eddie a hearty slap on the shoulder.
Chrissy glanced at her mother. Her face was thunderous, but Chrissy knew Laura's vanity would prevent her from kicking invited guests out of the house, even if those guests were related to criminals.
"Excuse me, I have a headache," Laura said, making a show of closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. "Chrissy, could you help me get to bed, please?" Ever since her stroke, Laura had moved from the big master bedroom to the guestroom on the ground floor so she didn't have to climb the stairs, but she still insisted on Chrissy's assistance.
Chrissy allowed herself to breathe out. She knew that once Wayne and Eddie left, Laura's wrath would come down on her full-force, but at least her mother didn't make a scene. "Sure, mom."
Upon returning to the dining room, Chrissy found Wayne and Eddie had already started to clear up the table for her. She tried to take the plates out of Eddie's hands, but he persisted.
"Let me help," he said. Then, dropping his voice, he asked, "Do you want me to stay?" Even safely hidden her room, Laura's anger still radiated all through the house like a thundercloud.
"No, I'll be fine. Take Wayne home. I'm sorry. I knew this was a bad idea—"
Eddie shook his head. "It's not your fault."
"I'll call you later, OK?"
She gave him a quick kiss and went to thank Wayne for coming. "No, thank you for inviting us," he said, shaking her hand warmly. "You'll be alright." It wasn't a question, and as Chrissy took the old man's callused palm in hers, she wished she could believe the same.
Chrissy could have sworn her mother was listening behind the door, because the moment Wayne and Eddie left, Laura appeared in the foyer, looking just like she had the day Chrissy broke her ankle during cheer practice, or the day Chrissy came home after dropping out of nursing school, or the day Chrissy told her she'd filed for divorce. It didn't matter that Chrissy was in pain, scared, and lost, it was her fault. Her fault for not sticking to her diet and gaining weight. Her fault for not working hard enough and staying in school. Her fault for not working hard enough at her marriage. Always her fault.
"How could you—" Laura began.
Chrissy held up a hand. "Mom, I don't want to talk right now, OK? Go back to bed." She walked toward the kitchen.
"Don't mollycoddle me!" Laura screamed. "I am your mother!"
Though she knew she would regret it, Chrissy turned around to face her. "You told me I could invite whoever I want—"
"Yes, within reason! Not those thieves and drug dealers—"
"They're not thieves—"
"Are you sure? Count the silver again."
"Shut up!"
Laura's slap cracked like a whip in the foyer. Chrissy reeled back, clutching at her cheek, more from shock rather than pain.
"Just because you're a grown woman, doesn't mean you're allowed to speak to me like that, you little—" Laura snarled, but Chrissy didn't stop to hear the rest. Grabbing her phone and her keys from the side table, she ran out, slamming the door behind her.
***
Later, when she was curled up safely on Eddie's couch, in Eddie's arms, Chrissy's tears finally dried.
"You can't go on living with her," Eddie said.
"She needs my help."
"She hurts you!"
"It was my mistake, I shouldn't have—"
"Don't say that." Eddie sat up to look at her. "I told you, none of this is your fault."
Chrissy put her head on his shoulder, resolutely putting all thoughts of her mother out of her mind. "Can we not talk about this anymore? I just want to stay the rest of the night with you like this, not saying anything, not doing anything."
Eddie wrapped his arms around her again, and she felt his lips on her hair. "Move in with me," he said.
Now it was Chrissy's turn to sit up. "Do you really mean that?"
"Yes," he replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I've been meaning to ask. You'll still be close enough to take care of your mom, if you want, without having to put up with her—bullshit."
The familiar warm feeling bubbled up in her chest again. She caught his hand, which was still stroking her hair, pressed the open palm to her mouth and kissed it. Then she leaned forward to kiss his mouth as well. "I'd love to," she said, smiling against his lips. Eddie smiled back and was pulling her closer to return the kiss, when his phone rang shrilly.
"Shit," he mumbled. "I know I shouldn't have bought the fucking thing."
But a phone call this late on Thanksgiving could mean something important, so Chrissy reluctantly let him go and pressed the phone into his hand. He glanced at the number and flipped the phone open.
"Hey Jeff, what's up man? No, no, it's OK... yeah, happy Thanksgiving. How are things in LA?" On the other end of the line, Jeff said something. Eddie's eyes widened, and he slowly sat up, leaning forward. "You serious? ...When? Before Christmas? Shit... No, I can make it. Of course I'll make it! What about Grant? Great. Yeah, yeah, I'll let you know ASAP." Another pause, then Eddie said, more quietly, "Jeff, this is awesome. Thank you. Talk to you soon, OK?"
He hung up but remained seated in the same position, looking straight ahead, his eyes dazed.
"Eddie?" Chrissy said, putting a hand on his arm.
At her touch, Eddie seemed to come back to his senses. He turned to her. "Jeff just ran into an A&R rep from Metal Blade," he said. "They want to meet with us in LA. As soon as possible."
The name of the record label meant little to Chrissy, but she knew how big this was for Eddie, for Corroded Coffin. After getting dropped by their label a year ago, this was all they had been hoping for. She tightened her hold on his arm, and he put his own hand on top of hers, grasping it as if to anchor himself.
"I'm a little scared, to be honest," he said with an embarrassed smile. "What if it doesn't amount to anything?"
"It's not going to amount to anything if you don't go," Chrissy said. "You'll be great. I know it."
"Grant's on board. We're only a drummer short—"
"Why don't you ask Gareth?"
Eddie stared at her. "I don't know about that—he's got a job—family—"
"Just ask him. The worst he can do is say no."
Eddie's eyes got brighter and brighter with excitement as he contemplated the idea. "Yeah, why not? Shit!" He laughed and pulled Chrissy in for a tight embrace. "You may be getting that reunion show earlier than expected, sweetheart. Corroded Coffin's getting back together, with the original lineup!"
Chapter 2
#hellcheer#eddissy#hellcheersource#hellcheer fic#eddie munson#chrissy cunningham#eddie x chrissy#chrissy x eddie#joseph quinn#joseph quinn fic#two shot
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an eternity without me
Summary: y/n, a she-elf who lived on her own, was sent by Saruman to join the Fellowship and learn everything she could so he could win them. Y/n was neutral on the war because after the death of her parents she promised not to help in any war ever. Instead of being completely loyal to Saruman she helps Gandalf to revenge him. She is tired of being the puppet and wants a small adventure, but she ends up feeling something for an elf prince. Little did she know the prince would test her loyalty but he ended up catching feelings too.
Based on the Masquerade episode of Dangerously Yours.
I had forgotten how beautiful Rivendell was because I had so many years to visit it. Well since my family was killed actually. I now know how to live on my own, at least I think so... Im here for a mission, yet I only want the adventure, to make friends, live this life of mine. But I guess I can not try those, what was I even made for?
Suddenly I hear something not really far away
The senses of mine tell me it must be an elf and I know exactly which one. So what if I play a little?
I grab the closest book I find and I try to ran as close to him as I could, when we finally met face to face.
"That's it, get your book back I do not want it, you thought I was an idiot before?! "
"Wait, I do not know you, who-" I didn't let him finish and I quickly ran on my chamber. I did not remember the young prince like that... My memory stops from the day my family died and I can't remember if I saw him again or not since then, but I would say he is quite charming. As I'm ready to go to bed and wait for tomorrow to come, I hear a knock on my door.
"Sorry, I think you gave this to the wrong person, I do not know you and I did not give you this book!"
"Oh, I know Legolas"
"Wait you know me?"
"Well, of course, you are the prettiest elf here, and I was pretty lonely so I thought tonight I'm going to have an adventure!"
"Uhm, thank you Lady... "
"Y/n!"
"Y/n... How did you know I would not ran away with your book? "
"I took the chance, it is not mine anyway! Are you angry?"
"Hahaha, no I am not angry, I can only be grateful!"
We were now the Fellowship of the ring. Even though it was not my intention in first, I feel I belong here. We lost Gandalf though... Gandalf knew everything about me, my plans and my family. We had a small idea of how I could escape Saruman. Turns up I'm destined to destroy this team. We next went to Lothlórien. We spend many nights there, I could not count. But one of them stayed in my mind...
"Look y/n, a shooting star! Did you wish?"
"Oh I did not have time..."
"I know there is something you wish for!"
"Yes..."
"What did you wish for?"
"I was wishing we were two other people, people who did not have to say goodbye..."
"We do not have to, you know."
"Maybe..."
And then we wasted the whole night searching for other shooting stars, as all the others were sleeping. But deep in my mind I knew I started to love him and that would be catastrophic. The wish that I did earlier was absolutely true. I know one day I will say goodbye to him, but I do not want to. I want to spend my eternity with him, just us two. But this is only a stupid dream. I know it will never happen, maybe in another life time.
Time passed and we lost Boromir. Frodo and Sam went alone on Mordor, Merry and Pippin got kidnapped by orcs, thankfully they were saved. Now it's just me Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and Gandalf. He was alive and well. I still had my hopes for our small plan since Saruman never reached for me. When the moon was shining and I was reading a book outside of the castle of Rohan, in a wood, I received an eagle with a letter. Saruman. The plan has changed as it seems, but I could not do that. I just couldn't. I-
And then Legolas found me, like he always do.
"Hey y/n!"
"Hey Legolas..."
"Is there something wrong? You seem skeptical. Why are you all alone here?"
"No, well yes, you see I just wanted some clear air and..."
"What is it?"
"I'm just stressed you know after everything..."
"Well do you want me to make your mood?"
"It's okay Legolas, I will get over it, you can go inside."
"But I want to say something to you, something I have been holding a long time now..."
"Look I can not right now-"
"Y/n I offer you the three things most dear to me, my heart, my homeland and my dream.."
"You are too generous!"
"Y/n you must listen to me, since the very first moment we met I've been completely yours!"
"Please, say no more, there are wars between us, wars that can't be stopped by words."
"You said one night you wished we were two different people, i think you may have that wish y/n."
"What do you mean?"
"When we will be close to victory, they won't need my service any longer..."
"Close to victory?"
"Im going to tell you something tonight y/n...something that will put my life in your hands."
"Then don't tell me, how do you know you can trust me this much..."
"I love you and I believe you love me!"
"You are quite wrong, this has been only and adventure to me."
*This is not true y/n."
"It is true. You smiled at me and I was flattered, it was an adventure for me to feel better."
"You may as well take my heart y/n it's already full of you! You walked in it, the day we met."
"You are a fool Legolas!"
"Isn't anyone who falls in love? You know what you are to me? A reason to believe again, an elf that exists for me, a fine and honest elf."
"Oh my god you are such a child Legolas, take your dream and please go..."
"What is it, what's wrong my dear?"
"You know nothing about me! You know me only 6 months!"
"6 months? Y/n I've known you all my life!"
"All your life?"
"It's true! I've read about you on a thousand stories about one of the most powerful she-elves out there, the old friend of mine... When I've heard beautiful lyrics I thought she would like that, I've talked to flowers about how stunning you are..."
"Oh stop! You must listen to me, I'm not that elf, at least not anymore, I might once was, but not now. You see you were wrong... You can not trust me."
"Are you telling me a person's name that I can't say but we both know send you?"
"What are you saying?"
"You see I have known all along, we talked about you since the first day of the trip."
"And it... It did not make any difference?"
"It did not make any difference. You see I trust you. You came here to betray me, and to betray our country. That is your mission. And yet I'm so sure about your love, that I will trust you with my life and what is far more valuable, Middle Earth."
"I will betray you Legolas, you can still go..."
"If you do, you betray yourself at the same time."
"Yes... Yes I know."
"Then you should know my secret. As we are talking, Isengard is falling and in the end the man who send you will lose. If you stay with us just one more night, tomorrow we will all together destroy him."
"Destroy him?"
"He made many mistakes, he betrayed us. But the greatest of all was sending you here, y/n."
"Why?"
"He guessed I would loved you, but he did not guess you would fall in love with me."
"No... He did not. If I betray you, I betray myself. If a betray him, I betray my safety and my new home. All I want is a new home and peace and that is very dear to me."
"I can give you a new home y/n, so is that dearer that I?"
"No... Not dearer than you."
"Then, would you help us defeat him?"
"Help you? De- defeat him?"
"By telling me his plans! That's the only way we can get him, we will both win and what you seek y/n will be yours!"
"I see..."
"Then you will help me!"
"By giving you any information I may possess of his plans?"
"Yes."
And with that yes, something changed. I felt so betrayed. He made me think I loved him just so he could only get the information he wanted.
"Ah.... You are very clever are you not? Oh I can read you like a book now. You thought I was easily wayed, that you could make me love you, that I will throw up the only chance I have to build a home, for you?"
"That is not the way to look at it y/n!"
"You were not so wise after all... Because you have lost, you hear me? Lost. You guessed wrong, you forgot how hard it is to love as an elf."
"You do not know what you are saying y/n!"
"You never loved me! You knew that I loved you and you used that!"
"Y/n stop talking like a child. Are we playing over wars now?"
"Yes! We are, aren't we? I have my bow Legolas. I advise you to be careful of what you say."
"Well, rather melodramatic are you not? Do you mind if I write down some things?"
"Write down...?"
"I always do that when things get difficult. It helps you understand the situation."
"You can do everything you please Legolas, you have a little time anyway."
"You mean you actually going to kill me?"
"I mean just that!"
"Well go ahead!"
"I do this my own way. Look, you already know my purpose of being here, tell me where Frodo is."
What that was not planned, I did not say that, I could never, this is not me, how do I stop that I can not help it.
"I will not because I simply do not know. You can not kill me, you can not, because you love me. It takes a very brave and a very cold elf to do that y/n, I do not think you can, is it not true? Is this not why you are waiting?"
"It's not true."
"You want my heart, striked with agony! My hands to shake, you want me to please for my life so you can make a generous move to spare me. Sorry y/n I do not think I'm in the mood for prayers tonight."
"You do not think I will do it? That is why you are so brave, you would not be otherwise. You lied to me, you deceived me."
"You tried to deceive me."
"I'm tired of listening to you!"
Saruman has taken over me and I can't do anything. How can I stop this madness...
"You gave me your heart y/n. You would like me to hand it back, whole again, but I will not. You will live a long time y/n, an eternity without me, you will look into the faces of passers by hoping for something that will, for an instant, bring me back to you. You will find moonlight nights strangely empty because, when you call my name through them, there will be no answer. Always your heart will be aching for me and your mind will give you the doubtful constellation that you did...a brave thing."
"You dare to talk of bravery."
"What else do we have to talk about y/n? For me there will never be another elf, but you. But to my heart there is another love that must come before you. Middle Earth. You are so still... Your face is like ice? What are you thinking y/n?"
"What can anything of what you are saying matter? You betrayed me with words. If I fail now, I deserve to die." I truly want to die now, I can not control what I am saying. "You tricked me into loving you." I keep saying things I don't want to. I truly love you Legolas. Please stop this madness.
"Did you forget that you came here for the same thing?"
"I could not betray you. I tried to tell you and you said you already knew. I was as honest as I could."
"You think I wanted to love you? Knowing where you came from and what your mission was? Do you not suppose that every hour we were together I was thinking "she is just pretending"?"
"I was not! I loved you."
"And I loved you so much I let you pretend! Because you brought something to my days, I could not stand the thought of loosing... Listen to your heart y/n... Feel it pounding."
"Your time is up!"
"Then my last words? I love you y/n."
"Are you determined to die with a lie on your lips?"
And the bow sang. I did not mean too, I did not do it, I swear I was controlling it...until I did not.
"I- love you y/n. Since we were little kids... Do you remember it? In my homeland's trees that we were dancing and dancing..."
I came to my senses, Saruman won. Why did I let that happen. I felt a hole on my heart, like you grabbed it and picked it out. There was no heart there anymore, I could not feel anything.
The bow fell to my feet and I also fell to my knees. We was trying to breath but the arrow on his chest did not let him. You know, elves are not meant to die, so when one is about to, it's shocking for everyone including him. I could not do anything. I could not move, speak, do something at all. The one and only love I had has just died, by my hands. It's all my fault. I said yes to that stupid wizard so I could have an adventure. I helped Gandalf so I could have finally, a family. But I screwed up. I lost a new family I could have and the love of my life. I do not deserve to live. I do not deserve anything at all. Maybe that is my purpose. Why was I made for. To die all along.
He looked cold, I ran and hugged him.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Legolas, please, come back to me. It wasn't me, I could never do that to you. How I'm I suppose to live an eternity without you? I can not. I surely can not. I wanted it to be with you, spend our immortal lives together, be forever! Of course I remember that day at your homeland..." Suddenly my tears started to ricochet. "We were both like 50?. I also remember your first words to me. What happens if we die?" Why would you even say that you were too young, too immature. An immortal elf. I just wanted to look at moonlight nights together, call your name to the stars and say you were mine. Tell me why your hands are now cold...I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry I-"
I stopped talking because I couldn't speak anymore. All I could do was sob.
"I've killed so many soldiers, orcs, trolls yet I could never thought I would kill the love of my foolish life."
I felt every cell on my body suddenly turn off. Like it was not there. They say elves can die from pain and grief. This is what I deserve. I want to go and meet him. My home, my love, my soul. My everything.
Y/n died hugging the person she loved but killed moments before. The rest of the Fellowship could not handle the loss of the most powerful and yet cheerful members they had. They mourned them forever, as the right lovers of wrong time and place. Now they will get their eternity together, with no wars to keep them apart.
#Spotify#legolas greenleaf#legolas#legolas x reader#lord of the rings#lotr#lotr x reader#legolas imagine#dangerously yours#legolas x y/n#elf
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Jan 13 - Day #14 - Fortnight of Books
A book you didn’t read this year that will be your #1 priority in 2024?
Heh, since we're already into January, let me tell you what I have on the go!
Completed:
The Silver Chair by C. S. Lewis (reread)
Reflections on the Psalms by C. S. Lewis
On the Go (Brace yourselves... this is just the way I read right now, and it works for me.)
The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien (Reread - I'm at the Barrow Downs)
Over a Hot Stove by Flo Wadlow (Memoir of a Norfolk kitchen maid who became cook at a great house at age 23)
Plutarch's Parallel Lives, Volume I (Just finished Numa Pompilius, a pseudo-historical king of Rome - read aloud to a sibling)
The New Testament (Reading through in order. I'm at the Gospel of John, and we just had the Samaritan woman at the well + I'm still reading through Scott Hahn's commentary on Romans)
Breaking Free from Body Shame: Dare to Reclaim What God Has named Good by Jess Connolly
On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness by Andrew Peterson (reread and read aloud to a sibling - they just got back from the Manor)
On Stories, and Other Essays by C. S. Lewis (I'm in a Lewis mood, I suppose!)
Clear and Simple: How to Have Conversations That Lead to Conversion by Andre Reignier
The Robe by Lloyd C. Douglas (read aloud to a sibling - Demetrius has just seen Pilate wash his hands)
The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson (re-read and read aloud to my Dad - Bridge Four has just learned how to side-carry the bridge.)
Beowulf (reread for school - the Ring-Danes have just turned to praying to the old gods in hopes of driving Grendel away)
Um... am I still technically reading The Silmarilion?
New book you are most anticipating for 2024?
Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson (The Stormlight Archive Book #5)
I don't keep up with most authors, so I have little sense of what's upcoming. But I do know I'm getting another Stormlight Archive book this Advent! We're getting what is effectively the series end and I am excited. Yes, he's said there will more more Stormlight Books, but he's also been quite clear that these first five books essentially form a series in themselves, and this will serve as the finale, even though it will set things up for the future "back half" of the series. Which is a wise choice. Sanderson already has problems with bloated books because he loves to show EVERYTHING when a little telling would do him a world of good. If he had barrelled on without resolution for 10 books, I might give up even though this series has my heart. But I do have hopes for this book. Rhythm of War was a bit of a disappointment, suffering severely from middle book syndrome, far more than Books 2 and 3 did. But the fact that this is a resolution books of sorts has me crossing my fingers that Sanderson will be back on top of his game and that the ending will give it a stronger through line. I don't expect a perfect book, but as long as the aspects that I really love get to shine, and my brother and I have a lovely read aloud time, I'll be happy.
But... seriously, someone else name Sanderson's books for him. This man cannot write a decent title to save his life. (Though from what I've heard, this title is better than some of the others he was considering.)
Sometime I've got to make a blog post about my thoughts and hopes for Book 5, but this isn't the place.
I may add one extra post to the fortnight tomorrow, just for fun.
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October 4, 2024
[approximately 4 am]
In desperate need of a funky grandpa sweater :/ But like it has to be perfect. The perfect kind of funky in the way that the patterns and colors feel like my own handwriting even though it probably belonged to some dude before me. That makes sense, right?
You know, I don't think anyone has ever listened to my Core Playlist, current. It just, idk, it just feels so intimate (and also it's a bit of a mess! paramore, austin wintory, beyonce, hadestown, and the crane wives all on one playlist? cmonnnn only a little freak like me could stand it, I'm sure)!
My dnd-friend mentioned a bit ago that she was struggling with loneliness and isolation and having very little by the way of consistent friends contacts and I think having biweekly craft-n-chats will help. Not just for her, but potentially to connect the whole discord chat again in a way that we haven't been connected since college, or covid, or even high school maybe. And maybe it won't get back to the same level as I-see-you-in-classes-every-day-and-also-at-rehearsal-after-school-twice-a-week but we also won't suffer the same fate as the type of friends who get lunch once a year and chat shallowly about general life updates. We may be distant physically but we live in the the time of technology!
Pulling an all-nighter (which is crazy bc I'm p sure I only did that once the entirety of last year) because I screwed up my sleep schedule real bad earlier this week and also needed to finish this fellowship draft. My personal statement is pretty solid (I mean I'm by no means the most prolific researcher or active social justice person or whatever but by golly I found one social issue I was passionate about in middle school and haven't stopped working on it since (I mean ofc I care about other issues but this one has just always felt like I could actually make some impact and while I haven't quantified that impact at least my involvement has been consistent)) but my research statement is just blehh. blehhhhhh (it's coming along actually I'm just insecure lol).
Anyway the one problem with straight-up writing during an all-nighter is that I'll have a good idea then immediately forget it because I start drifting off a little lol.
[7ish pm]
Okay so actually my advisor's review of my proposal went well! Still have some edits to do before I send it out to my recommenders and probably another full round or two before I can feel good submitting it.
Considering that I only got ~40 minutes of sleep just before I had to leave, I was surprisingly alert today. I'm going to bed by 8 tonight though. Legend of Vox Machina tomorrow though!!!
Today, gah!!! Today!!! I'm thankful that my sewing adventure worked out!!! I'm going full throttle on the sewn Scarlet Witch 2023 comic costume (all thanks to my mother who made a face when I suggested crocheting it (she was right but I still think the design I had would be cool to try (I've realized that many of my crochet projects right now are more based on skill novelty and the self-challenge of design))), and I drafted the pattern for the base sleeved mockneck bodycon largely during Wednesday's craft-n-chat (could I have bought a pattern for this or even found one for free online? sure. but my pinterest-addled DIY brain will not permit such a thing. all in the name of upskilling!). Went to use the serger at the library for the first time and AHHHHH OMG IT FITS SO WELL! The serger was literally perfect (and the staff were super helpful) and I will absolutely be making the sleeveless mock neck with that fabric I've envisioned for that exact project since summer 2020. Anyway while it helps that I'm currently in the no-bloat part of my cycle and that the fabric was pretty thick to hide any lumpies, the fit is literally so perfect. Like it caresses my curves and accentuates them but is clearly not a garment that is just too small, it's just well-fitted. The literal perfect fit for a superhero cosplay :D
The pattern needs minor modifications (as to be expected), but it's fairly forgiving and can likely serve as a base for future designs now that I no longer need to be afraid of knits hehe (I can make a Bumblebee cosplay! I can make that specific Wonder Woman design I've loved for years! (I'm sensing a cosplay arc.. which is a little inconvenient because I'm trying to prepare for a Bicolline arc)). But right now I can mark up my mockup with style lines. I will need to source my fabrics and figure out the best way to assemble everything (at least for this Halloween first draft). And then and then and then I'm learning how to 3D print this weekend!! I may have Wanda's tiara finished by next week!!!
All this said, I only have three weeks until the halloweekend bar crawl and while Katara's wrap seems simple to draft I do still have to draft it. And I need to source fabrics for both costumes (Wanda's I think I know, Katara's I'm still debating). God this is so much fun.
I have some chores to do tomorrow, but I might also go trawl the nearby fabric and craft stores.
okie gn :)
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A Tree of Fellowship and Love
Pairing: (LOTR) Aragorn x reader x Arwen
Summary: You collectively decide with the fellowship to go on a picnic! No more rings or fighting evil, just a picnic under a big tree with plenty of food to share. Also, you may or may not fall asleep under the said tree at night and get smothered with affection with a certain pair of fantastic people.
Warnings: None in particular
Add. Notes: I simply could not figure out where it would be an appropriate place to have a picnic, considering all the places the characters came from/went to, so I went with Hobbiton. At this point I'm both accepting and denying everything that happened in the story; Aragorn and Arwen walk around as if they aren't rulers of Gondor, Boromir isn't dead, and Frodo, Legolas and Gimli haven't gone to the undying lands, and yet everything in LOTR has already happened.
Masterlist ✧*。
> ✉️ <
{ Hello there! I decided to change this blog to the kind that posts about... anything, really. Since I "converted" into an all-fics-n-shits-blog, I changed the aesthetic aswell. To spice (not exactly) these messages up a lil bit, I'll start adding little things about myself; for example, I'm a cat person! }
- Eero, Jan 2023
It was a relatively uneventful day in Hobbiton, and Sam was describing to you the qualities of the plants he was currently tending to. It was bound to be simple and uneventful if you lived in a place like Hobbiton, but you weren't interested in books and gardening. You wanted to spend time with people, and certainly not like this.
You brainstormed along with Merry and Pippin about things you could possibly do with friends in a place like Hobbiton. You already told them at the start of the brainstorming session that stealing vegetables from a dismayed farmer is out of the question. Merry remembered a big meadow with a large tree - which conveniently happened to be near the village - and suggested that something could be done there. A picnic was the best thing that came to your mind, and the two hobbits loved the said idea.
After a quick trip to the rest of the fellowship's homes it was decided; tomorrow you would have a picnic under a large tree that you are yet to see. You asked Merry to take you to the meadow he had mentioned, and so he did. When the two of you made it there, you were surprised that you had never even noticed it; it looked like the kind you'd see in dreams. There was lots of tall grass and colorful flowers of many kinds, and in the middle of it all, there was a large, green tree that every child would wish to climb on top of. It was the perfect place to have a picnic with old friends.
The next morning you began to prepare food for the picnic you had arranged with the fellowship. Aragorn, Arwen and Legolas got the task of creating sandwiches, Boromir and Gimli had to make drinks, and the hobbits, along with you, were tasked to make desserts. You got plenty of help from the hobbits, for they had a lot of cooking experience thanks to the meal schedule average hobbits had. They decided to cook some blackberry pancakes and bake milk bread.
After a bunch of flour and dough spills, you had finished the bread and pancakes, and packed them up into a basket along with a few plates and a jar of berry jam. The four hobbits went ahead of you to pick some extra blackberries for the pancakes while you were taking your time with getting to the picnic spot. You had only now realized that it's the afternoon.
As you were waiting for everyone else with the hobbits, Peregrin told you about the ents that caused the almost literal downfall of Isengard. He said that although he was high off his pants after that and probably in the middle of it too, he still remembered how uncomfortable it was to sit on Treebeard's shoulder. Meriadoc recalled how Pippin was concerned about not being able to have any children.
While the two aforementioned hobbits bickered about what really happened, you noticed the faces of your dear friends making their way through the meadow. You pointed it out to the hobbits, and the five of you began waving at them in an exaggerated yet adorable way. Legolas was already jogging in your general direction alongside Gimli, while Boromir was carrying a basket with drinks he had made with the said dwarf. Arwen and Aragorn were delighted to see you waving at them like that, and began waving back as the pair walked to the tree.
Boromir realized that nobody had brought any blankets to sit on, so he proposed to go back himself to bring one. But he didn't need to; Gandalf was already coming to the picnic tree with a large, rolled-up blanket under his arm. Now the entire fellowship was together.
You all put the baskets and personal items in each corner of the blanket so it wouldn't fly away with the wind, although there wasn't much wind to speak of. Aragorn took some small plates out of his basket with a few sandwiches, and Boromir pulled out a bottle of apple cider from his own basket. Aragorn finished giving out the little plates as Arwen handed the rest of the sandwiches to everyone.
Boromir was telling Sam about the cider-making process as everyone ate and listened. Every now and then someone would chirp in, until something Sam said reminded Gimli of the stories his father, Gloin, would tell him. Eventually the dwarf retold the story of Thorin's company's travels to Erebor. Frodo felt very proud of Bilbo for traveling with dwarves all the way to the Lonely Mountain, although he himself had accomplished a major feat aswell.
As the hours went by and the sky began getting darker, the members of the fellowship would tell stories from their own lives and from others. Most of the group was becoming tired of the day, and it was becoming evident; lots of yawning and words turning continuously quieter and quieter could be heard.
You only now realized that Aragorn and Arwen had moved next to you, and the latter motioned you to relax and let her hold you. You listened to her without a second thought, and now you were sitting in Arwen's lap as her arms were wrapped around you. Aragorn moved closer to Arwen and put his head on her shoulder.
It seemed that the rest of the fellowship took that as a hint and now began to wrap up their long conversation. Gimli packed the now empty bottles into Boromir's basket, and Legolas put the remaining plates into yours and Aragorn's baskets. Gandalf asked everyone to get off the blanket and move their things, and then rolled up the said blanket like a carpet.
The hobbits also knew that you would stay longer, so they took your basket and left with it themselves. Most of your friends followed them away from the tree back to Hobbiton, leaving you, Aragorn, and Arwen under the big tree with stars.
The three of you sat back down on the ground, and tried to get into a comfortable position that would work for three people. You sat back in Arwen's lap, held by her bridal style, as Aragorn sat infront of her. You were now sitting between your lovers, unsure of what to do now; your mind began going to all sorts of places, until Aragorn gave a little kiss on your forehead.
Because you still didn't know what to do, you just froze in place as your face heated up from the move Aragorn pulled on you. Arwen grinned at your reaction, and gave multiple kisses onto your face, causing you to hide your head between your shoulders to get away from the kisses. That didn't stop Aragorn from giving a peck on the top of your head, though, and now you were back in your initial position, embarrassed that they saw you in such a state.
You thought that the "kiss wave" was over when Arwen helped you readjust your position to laying down next to her, but no; oh how mistaken you were. The elf gave you yet another peck on the cheek, and Aragorn came in from your other side and wrapped his arms around your torso, and also gave you a kiss after making himself comfortable.
Arwen put an arm around you aswell, and began whispering words to you in a language and manner you were yet to understand. Aragorn had already closed his eyes, and it seemed Arwen had aswell, although she was still whispering. You imitated them by closing your own eyes, too. You had fallen asleep to Arwen describing you in the best manner possible, even though you didn't understand a word she said.
The pair was actually still awake, and gave each other the look when they were certain that you were now in a sleeping state. Aragorn carefully lifted you up bridal style from the ground, and began carrying you away from the tree, while Arwen was right behind him with the remaining basket and personal items.
Unused paragraphs and things I didn't want to include in add. notes nor the "letter."
Instead of bringing you to your own house, Aragorn brought you to his, for it was closer to the tree and he didn't want to wake you up. Fortunately, nothing that they did disturbed your sleep. They changed into comfortable clothing after putting you into their bed, and then laid down next to you. They both whispered to you a "Sweet dreams, Y/N," and followed you to dreamland.
ー
One time Pippin told you about all of these mealtimes that Hobbits would have throughout the day; which aside regular meals included a second breakfast, an another, later breakfast, some afternoon tea, and yet another meal a few hours after dinner. When you needed something to zone out to, you liked to think of all the good food they would eat at those excessive meals.
To me, Arwen and Aragorn seem to be the kind of people that give the best forehead kisses, or any kinds of kisses in general, and whoever receives them would fucking melt in their hands like ice on a hot day. I definitely would've written their part longer if I was good with writing physical affection (╥﹏╥ ) im sorry
I only now, after finishing writing this, realized that all of my fanfics' endings so far involve either death or falling asleep. I have a guess to why my ideas end with these things but I don't want to go there.
#eero's fics#lord of the rings#lotr x reader#lotr aragorn#lotr arwen#lotr#lotr x you#aragorn x reader#arwen x reader#arwen x aragorn#lotr fanfic#lord of the rings fic
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You're all I have
@yourlocalfriendlyhobbit
Pairing: Aragorn x Fem Teen reader
Description: You and aragorn share a heart to heart becoming the family the both of you never had
You fought off every orc that came your way even saving the others a few times until you find Aragorn and Boromir rushing to them. You cry hugging Boromir as Legolas watches from behind and aragorn holds onto to your shoulder both of you get up as you walk to legolas and Gimli bursting in to more tears as legolas gently pulls you in a hug gimli joining the hug holding your hand while aragorn carries and puts boromir in a boat. The four of you watch as the boat runs down the stream going down the waterfall as you all except aragorn find out that frodo and sam have gone on their own to Mordor leaving the four of you to go after the orcs to save Merry and Pippin then finish the journey of destroying the ring in mordor. You finally end up in Rohan after following the hobbit duo's trail, reuniting with gandalf who now went by gandalf the white instead of grey, and find guards of rohan who at first eye you suspiciously considering they randomly found a man, elf, dwarf, and teenager in the middle of almost nowhere which is rarely found anywhere in middle earth. "Are you okay?" you jump a little coming out of your thoughts by a kind and calm voice beside you turning to see the king's niece Eowyn put a cup of cold water and a hot bowl of soup infront of you which made your eyes water and stomach grumble "Yea just tired" you slowly eat and go to the guest room given to you taking a good warm bath and sleeping for a few hours which helped you alot and made you feel better than you had been in weeks. You stand outside looking at the land around you until you feel a hand on your shoulder turning to see aragorn beside you "I don't want you fighting...help eowyn with the women and children...she needs the help" he says as you stare at him "I'm not letting you fight alone...I know you have gimli and legolas but you're not going in alone" you say as he looks at you trying not to be upset "You are not going we can't let you get hurt or killed because none of us would ever forgive ourselves" you tear up at not only how much they cared but also at how terrified you were for them "I can't lose you because your all I have! I've lost everyone I love and I've been with the fellowship since mainly you if you get killed then i'd have no one" you cry as you walk away not knowing how upset he was with you but you thought it best to give him his space. You see legolas on the steps looking deep in thought so you sit beside him to calm down "I know your worried" he says looking at you "We're doing this to protect you...him mainly because if you did get badly hurt or killed...we would never ever forgive ourselves or each other for it...but he couldn't function ever again if it happened...he really cares about you...ever since we found you and you've been with us...he always does anything in his power so you don't see what we have seen and to just be a kid while you can..." you look at him full of tears sobbing into his arms as he holds you with tears in his eyes speaking elvish to you until you both went inside and eat dinner going to bed. You sit looking at the stars thinking of what happens tomorrow hearing someone sit beside you "I just want you to be safe...I'm not doing this because I want to hurt or upset you...I'm doing this so that all of us including you don't have to deal and experience something that could have been prevented" you look at aragorn seeing how emotional he is and how he is trying not to cry "I know...but I don't want to not do anything and feel like everyone else sacrificed everything while I still had everything" he looks at you as tears flowed down your face "You are protecting the most precious and loved thing in these people's lives that will never be replaced" you hug each other tightly crying more "You will never be alone cause you will be with me and Arwen" he moves wiping your face going inside passing legolas, gimli, and eowyn in the dinner hall going to your rooms and bed ready for tomorrow and your new life with aragorn and arwen.
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sept 27th 2023
almost halfway through the semester, whoop whoop! i have my motor control midterm tomorrow (which is going to be short answer..ugh) and then a quiz for anatomy. but first, we gotta get through today which is anatomy lab and i'm volunteering for an hour with a local high school :)
the first several weeks of my phd have been challenging, but in the best way possible. started writing research proposals for fellowships, and i think i know what the focus of my dissertation will be (!!). i also am still chugging along on this manuscript, i presented at a conference, and i should hear back about another potential presentation opportunity next week. busy busy busy.
#alexistudies#gradblr#stemblr#scienceblr#collegeblr#uniblr#studyblr#studyspo#smartspo#genspen#heygen#learnign#elkstudies#morningkou#alexi's phd year 1
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Helped the adventurer move this morning - mostly with packing, because of course Bible study bestie and I forgot we had a baby shower for another friend from life group, so we couldn't stay for the move proper. Felt bad about it, because everyone else ditched at that point except BSB's husband. But I'm going over tomorrow to help him with the move-out cleaning at the old place, which maybe is more practical anyway - I mean, I can help with moving furniture, but that is ideally more of a boy job, I'm only slightly more than useless with large heavy objects. Packing/unpacking the kitchen stuff and cleaning, that I can do, and with very little direction. Still mindboggling that he chose to move to the worst US state, I've been teasing him mercilessly about it for the last year and I doubt I'll run out of steam anytime soon. Oh, and then in all of this, I was supposed to feed the young whippersnapper's cat, but the lock at his place absolutely hates me, so that turned into a multi-trip process. Despite my friend's panic, the cat had no qualms about the ordeal, she wasn't even hungry and was just excited I was there to play - which I give her credit for, considering last time I was there was to clip her toenails, poor baby.
I guess when I start outlining my weekends like this, it really makes it clear just how much of my life I live with these people. It really is a life group in the sense it's intended, a group of Christians whose friendship and fellowship goes deep, as we learn about the Lord and do life together. I am SO grateful for the kind of friends who do accountability and adventures on a whim and helping each other all the time. I haven't had that since college, and it's amazing the impact it's had on my life!
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i've always kind of meant to fic rec more and even when sometimes I can post a fic i'm reading on here I always feel bad I don't do it more often. The ao3 share option always feels hard to read and you always wanna edit the summaries to expand on what you as a reader found compelling instead of what the author thought to put... anyway, tonight i finally mustered myself and ignored everything I usually do at night to spend (checks watch) 2.5 hours putting this list together and fighting tumblr formatting. They're in no particular order, and every single author you should check out their other fics; a lot of them have updated other things since I read these in my AO3 history. If you've never read fics for fandoms you're not in: this is the list to pic one from and just go. Crossovers may be posted in multiple sections, just in case. This is just a list of fics that, when I found them in my history I said, "I remember this one! It was so good!" and a lot of them are ones that, every time they show up in my inbox, I drop everything to read (or I stow them away for the upcoming three hours I desperately will need them). Because of that, a lot of them are fucked up, so check warnings once you get on the page. But like. I think they're fucked up in a delightful little way.
Also a lot of them are long. SUPER long. You all did this for free. Do you know how much I owe you for nightshifts alone, much less long trips and difficult, depressed days that I just had to get to tomorrow and a long fanfic gave me somewhere else to be?
Please give them some love.
___
TWEWY/KH
∞:∞ ((to infinity and beyond)) - Divisionten
Post KH3, spoilers ahoy. He got off the pavement, wet, dirty and alone. They left the beach, ready to chase him down. She gripped her Keyblade, twisting it tight enough in her hands to leave marks. It was time to go home. ((Sora and Riku arrive in Shibuya after KH3 just in time to be mistaken for cosplayers. Extremely good Neku))
Marvel
From the Top - garamonder
Miles let go. Peter B. Parker closed his eyes as he dropped back through the rift, heading home. It would have been nice if he’d ended up there. Instead, the veteran hero makes an unintended pit stop in another Peter's universe - one where he's an Avenger, of all things. (Takes place in the MCU, post-hypothetical-Avengers 4)
Weight the Dice - tuesday
Tony's aim was off the first few tries. It was an imprecise art, time travel by magic rather than science, for all that it could actually change things instead of branching the timeline. He wanted early enough he could still make a difference, but not so early he had to go through puberty again. ((the only fic on this list under 5k, youre welcome))
LOTR???
Less Wise and More Dangerous - DeepWatersWaiting
Fleeing the Balrog and Orcs in Moria, Legolas Greenleaf is shot down with an arrow. He dies upon the bridge, unaware of the fates of his Fellowship, and wakes up moments later with the intention of finding his mother, escaping the Halls of Mandos and re-joining the War of the Ring. This would be a lot easier if he was actually in the Halls of Mandos however, instead of at Losgar as the Noldor arrive in Beleriand from Valinor for the first time. ((i don’t know who any of these people are besides legolas i’m just having a good time and think this one needs more eyes))
Legend of Zelda: One Link
Third Eye - StudioRat
In which we climb the dark tower into the dawn. ((Link wants a third option. Ocarina of Time climax.))
Navigator [Act One] - SaltySaph
A Ganondorf/Link Slowburn Adventure narrative, first of three Acts. It is not based on, or connected to, any of the games in the franchise; but instead a largely invented piece using the Zelda formula and tropes as a base. This is not an Enemies to Lovers piece, because even though they are enemies in the games? They never have any personal or direct enmity toward one another.
The Inevitable - Phlyarologist
A hero falls. A hero rises. Repeat as necessary. Ravio gets an unpleasant lesson in the cost of legends. ((the only good take on heroic deaths))
The Legend of Zelda: Ten Thousand Year Elegy - winklepickers
Months after Calamity Ganon's defeat at the hands of the Princess and the Master Sword's chosen hero, Hyrule is approaching something resembling peace. That is, until Link and Zelda go missing following a disastrous archaeological expedition. Meanwhile, in Domino City, Japan: a dimensional domain emulator belonging to one Kaiba Seto abruptly self-destructs, causing an explosion that catches Mutou Yuugi and his friends in the crossfire. Unexpected? Yes. Unforeseen? Maybe not.
Legend of Zelda: Multiple Links
Please Don't Come for Me - sister_dear
Hyrule gets chucked headfirst through a mysterious portal. He feels the magic of fairies nearby and transforms, intending to ask them for help. Unfortunately for him, Time also found the fountain, and he has something of an effect on fairies. A “Hyrule meets the chain” story where Hyrule encounters each of his new companions in fairy form first.
Language Barriers - Kastaborous
The group made their way over to the two Hylians, where the individual they had rushed to save was conversing with the newcomer. The newcomer was heavily scarred on his left side, and from the bow on his back, he was the archer who had brought down many of the monsters. “Hello,” Time said, as he nodded to them. “Could you point us toward Castle Town?” The scarred man blinked. “Nanda?” … The Heroes of Courage are spread across ages. Hundreds to thousands of years between them. It should come as no surprise that they are having some trouble communicating. But when they’re dropped in a world of alien technology and a language wholly unfamiliar, they really wish Hylia had thought ahead. Or, the gang-meets-wild fic in which there is an appropriate amount of linguistic drift between Links, Hylia does not provide Google Translate, and Wild is a linguaphile among other things.
To Isolate - Poltea, sky_squido
Sky has only just figured out that Ganon is the manifestation of Demise's curse when he starts noticing... something working its way up the chain. Nobody is okay, Sky least of all, but he’s determined to figure out what’s going on or die trying. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into. This is a story of pain, fear, loss, and somehow, despite it all, courage.
Yu Gi Oh
((Basically All Crossovers & Literally The Best Section Of This Whole List u just gotta trust me))
The Power Of Friendship (And This Gun I Found!) - GallusRostromegalus
Honestly, Mokuba deserves to have a gun. And everyone else deserves to go absolutely Off The Fucking Rails. YuGiOh, but they're all appropriately feral little gremlins. Kind of a Reconciliation of the 4Kids Dub and the Horror-Comedy Manga, but mostly me wildly overthinking the setting and deciding to lean into the weirdness.
Shed Some of This Black Light to Surrounding Towns - arinrowan
What Yuugi wants is simple. He wants Izuku to get into Yuuei with him. He wants the rocket engines designed for KaibaCorp to work. He wants to launch his emotions about his father’s family into hyperbolic orbit. Unfortunately, Yuugi and his friends find themselves in the middle of a plot to manipulate the course of history that leaves him struggling to answer two very not simple questions. What does it cost to build the future? And who decides who pays?
The Legend of Zelda: Ten Thousand Year Elegy - winklepickers
Months after Calamity Ganon's defeat at the hands of the Princess and the Master Sword's chosen hero, Hyrule is approaching something resembling peace. That is, until Link and Zelda go missing following a disastrous archaeological expedition. Meanwhile, in Domino City, Japan: a dimensional domain emulator belonging to one Kaiba Seto abruptly self-destructs, causing an explosion that catches Mutou Yuugi and his friends in the crossfire. Unexpected? Yes. Unforeseen? Maybe not.
ATLA
While Mighty Oaks Do Fall - WitchofEndor
High Sage Kenji blesses Fire Prince Zuko with the resilience of the reed, who bends in the wind and never breaks. When he is done, Fire Prince Ozai narrows his eyes, seemingly displeased by this blessing. But Kenji does not speak for himself; he is only a vessel. The newly-crowned Fire Lord Ozai offers his firstborn son to service in the temple. This turns out to be a catastrophic mistake.
Boomerangs and Rainbows - mindbending
At Sokka’s behest, the Gaang skips rescuing Zuko during the Siege at the North Pole. Instead they leave him, unconscious, buried in the snow. In completely unrelated news, Sokka’s haunted by a ghost now.
Mountains and Badgermolehills - Glass_Onion
After the Blue Spirit frees the Avatar from the Pohuai Stronghold, Admiral Zhao captures Prince Zuko under suspicion of treason. Isolated from his Uncle and his crew, Zuko has only one ally: the chatty prisoner one cell over.
BNHA
You Ever Sabotage A Wedding? No?...Would You Like To? - All_five_pieces_of_Exodia
Izuku gets invited to Kacchan's wedding as the "Worst man". He thinks it's a joke. Or My story based off a post I saw on Tumblr: > Hot wedding idea, the worst man, it's his duty to try to prevent the wedding at all costs. > The best man and worst man engage in Spy Vs Spy shenanigans until the wedding is done.
That time I got reincarnated as a doomed side character - Gentrychild
Izuku wakes up in the recent light novel he read called “ My Hero Academia.” Unfortunately, he’s in the body of Midoriya Izuku, a minor character killed off early in the manga to motivate the main character Katsuki Bakugo on his Hero’s Journey. Izuku decides he’s going to do whatever it takes to stay alive in this stupidly deadly Isekai. Unfortunately, Izuku isn't aware that in the last novel of the series where the minor character who died is revealed as the main villain’s son All for One has relived his son’s death multiple times, unable to change the outcomes. But something has changed this time.
Locked In Digital - RogueDruid (Icarius51)
A day goes bad to worse for 14 year old Izuku Midoriya, as he wakes up trapped in a computer simulation with nine different Horror games. The only objective given by the madman who locked him in? Beat all nine games, or be deleted. A year later, a very different Izuku shows up at the Gates of UA to take the entrance exam What horrors has he faced?
Ill-Gotten Gains - ghostmaybite
When his father and Tomura start planning the USJ attack, Izuku makes a plan of his own. It’s simple, only four steps: 1. Steal Eraserhead’s quirk 2. Use it to kill All for One 3. Give Erasure back, hopefully 4. Go to jail, probably He’s prepared for the plan to fail at any time, but surprisingly, it’s not until step 4 that things fall through.
Shed Some of This Black Light to Surrounding Towns - arinrowan
What Yuugi wants is simple. He wants Izuku to get into Yuuei with him. He wants the rocket engines designed for KaibaCorp to work. He wants to launch his emotions about his father’s family into hyperbolic orbit. Unfortunately, Yuugi and his friends find themselves in the middle of a plot to manipulate the course of history that leaves him struggling to answer two very not simple questions. What does it cost to build the future? And who decides who pays?
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What Could Have Been (3/?)
Series Premise: When Ethan breaks his promise, Cassie is forced to accept they’re not inevitable after all.
Book: Open Heart Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Cassie Valentine) Rating/Category: Teen. Angst Words: 1,930
Series Masterlist
Chapter 3: Move On. Begin Anew. Aftermath of the reset and setting new expectations.
A/N: I'm using @choicesflashfics week 43 prompt 3.
Cassie Valentine knew she should get some sleep, but her body wasn’t cooperating. It would be difficult enough to face Ethan Ramsey tomorrow, but doing it without rest was a recipe for disaster.
It wasn’t her first broken heart. So why did it feel like her entire self had shattered?
Before she could stop herself, she grabbed her phone and keys, shoved her arms into a hoodie and left the apartment and her sleeping roommates.
She jogged up the stairs to the empty rooftop. If she was going to have a nervous breakdown, she needed privacy.
Max Valentine woke from a light sleep and quickly snatched the phone off the night table before the ringtone disturbed his overnight guest. His heart sank when he saw his sister’s name on the screen.
“Hold on,” he whispered into the phone, glancing over his shoulder.
He shoved the covers aside and padded into the other room, quietly closing the bedroom door behind him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, clearing the gruffness from his voice as he settled back against the couch and placed his bare feet on the Ottoman.
“I’m sorry to call so late. Are you alone?” Cassie said on the other side.
Her voice caught in her throat as if she’d been crying. Max heard city sounds behind her and knew she wasn’t home.
“No, but don’t worry about it. You’ve been crying.”
“It’s been a bad night,” Cassie sniffed. “Ethan broke up with me.”
Max sighed, his disquiet rising at the secret she’d kept from him. Dating her boss was a disaster waiting to explode and would’ve left her reputation in tatters.
“You didn’t tell me you’d been dating,” he said neutrally, not wanting to sound accusatory. “Not even when I saw you in Monaco last week.”
“I know,” she admitted softly. “I was afraid.”
Max wished he was stateside for this conversation, but that wasn’t possible. All he could do now was lend a sympathetic ear. “Tell me everything.”
And she did, filling in the blanks of everything that happened these past few months. Things she hadn’t mentioned before.
“We were together briefly before he departed for a medical mission to the Amazon. I didn’t say anything because he’d gone radio silent and was so scared something had happened. We promised to wait for each other. But now….”
Her voice began to warble from tears, and her breathing accelerated.
“Now, he says it’s over, and I don’t know what I did. Why doesn’t he want me?”
When Cassie burst into tears, the sound through the phone broke his heart. His sister deserved someone who’d give her the world. Not an arrogant physician who put everything else before her.
Ethan Ramsey had a lot to answer for, Max thought.
A plan began to form as Cassie told him about tomorrow, facing Ethan again while she was reeling from a broken heart.
She’d been eagerly waiting to start her junior fellowship, so excited for the opportunity. And nothing was going to ruin that as far as Max was concerned.
“Okay, sis. Here’s what you’re going to do tomorrow….”
Ethan slowed his gait as he neared the Diagnostic Team’s glass-walled office. After he met with Naveen, he’d walked around the block to clear his head. But his mentor’s harsh words played in a loop inside his head.
Maybe Naveen was right, and he was wrong. He’d been hasty, perhaps too hasty, in making this decision.
Two months ago, the situation had been evolving. Cassie was still an intern when he’d left. Now, she was a second-year resident and a junior fellow. They were peers, and the power dynamic had equalized.
The game board had been reset while he was away. He hadn’t realized it until this morning, and now he was filled with regrets. Why didn’t his head reconcile the idea before he opened his mouth last night?
His throat became dry, and his expression was torn when he spied on Cassie through the glass. She, Baz Mirani and June Hirata were chatting companionably. It reminded him of how quickly Cassie had developed a reputation last year for being friendly to everyone.
Ethan decided then and there that he’d try to get Cassie alone after the meeting under the guise of onboarding her onto the team. Maybe they could talk openly and honestly like they should’ve done last night.
June was highly observant, though, Ethan thought. He’d have to tread carefully once he stepped inside those doors. He schooled his features and briskly entered the office.
“Introductions done? Great. We’ve got work to do,” Ethan said, his blue eyes taking in everyone but not singling anyone out., “We have an incoming patient from Manhattan Presbyterian.”
He marched toward the head of the conference table and pinned abdominal CT scans on the whiteboard. The team followed his lead and took their usual seats around the table.
The only seat available was across from him. He saw Cassie waver briefly as she peeked at him through her eyelashes.
“Waiting for a special invite, Valentine?” he retorted sarcastically, lifting one eyebrow.
“No. I’m sorry, Dr. Ramsey,” she said quickly and slid into the chair.
She was dressed professionally in a dark green blouse, which made her eyes shine and a grayish skirt with a slit down her thigh.
He had overlooked the latter when she’d been standing, but his eyes drew downward as soon as she sat down and crossed her legs. The edge of the white coat fell to the side, playing peekaboo with her skin.
He turned away before someone caught him ogling Cassie. Too late, he cursed internally at the scrutiny in Hirata’s eyes as her gaze bounced between him and Cassie. The latter was studiously avoiding looking at him, staring unseeing at the scans instead.
He’d have to postpone any one-on-ones with Cassie, for now, anyway. The last thing he wanted was for June to dig into his personal life and use that information to manipulate him.
Maybe he could page Cassie later for a consult. He might not be her direct supervisor, but he wanted her to succeed and be a true mentor to her, the way Naveen had been for him.
Ethan put all other thoughts away and focused his attention on the brainstorm. He wasn’t immune to the fact that Cassie was overwhelmed by the rapid-fire pace, her eyes increasingly bewildered as they ran through differentials.
Brainstorming over and the next steps decided, Ethan dismissed the team. He walked past Cassie and Mirani toward his desk, intent on catching up on emails piled up during his time away and clearing his inbox before it filled up again.
He put on his reading glasses and switched on the computer monitor, and furtively watched Mirani and Hirata walk down the hall and out of sight.
Now that they were alone, he turned to observe Cassie. She studied the CT scans, tapping one finger against her lips. Maybe this was the opportune time for a private talk.
We need to talk about what happened last night, he could begin casually. Gauge her reaction and go from there.
She looked…serene. Nothing of last night’s anguish showed in her demeanor. Ethan wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Or maybe it was a mask to hide her pain.
Suddenly, she looked straight at him. But he didn’t see hurt, just indifference. As if she’d already forgotten what they’d meant to each other. Like she was an intern and he was an attending.
And not two people that had spent several nights wrapped around each other’s naked bodies.
“After you’re done with our patient, you can see Zaid and Ines for further assignments,” he blurted, disconcerted at the emotional and physical distance between them.
“You’ll be balancing your work here with your usual resident duties,” he continued. “Now that you’re a second-year, that will include rotations at the free clinic.”
“Yes, Dr. Ramsey,” she said impersonally.
She asked him a few more questions, and he answered, trying to read her. But her mask was impenetrable. And then Ethan saw her hesitate as if she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure.
“Is everything alright, Cassie?” he asked, dropping his mask and letting her see he still cared.
She seemed to be fighting an inner battle, and then she appeared to decide. “Actually…could we talk?”
Ethan regarded her thoughtfully. He wanted a sign, a gesture, anything that this was his chance to begin anew.
“About the job? Or about us?” he said apprehensively.
“The job. Strictly professional, just like you want,” Cassie said emphatically.
Ethan swallowed his disappointment. This was what he’d asked her of last night. Only he didn’t know then that strictly professional was the last thing he wanted now.
He crossed the room, sat beside her and adjusted the glasses still perched on the bridge of his nose.
“I’m all yours,” he said, the word choice deliberate as his subconscious called him out on his BS.
“How can I be more involved next time?” she said, ignoring his statement.
She swiveled her chair innocuously, tucking her legs sideways under the table and creating even more distance between them. The look on her face was that of a student, not a friend or a former lover.
Even before things changed between them, she’d often have a somewhat flirty smile hovering on her lips. Now, her lips were pursed straight, all emotions wiped clean.
If ever he needed a sign, thought Ethan, this was it. Focus on her professional development or whatever lame excuse he’d uttered last night.
Regrets filled his heart, but he parked them aside and prepared to impart his wisdom.
As she left Ethan’s office and headed off to meet her intern, Cassie knew with certainty that what had transpired a short while ago was the most difficult thing she’d ever done.
Even more than studying for her MCATs and surviving a competitive medical school program.
But she was also secretly pleased that Max’s plan was working.
“Don’t let him see your pain,” Max had advised. “He might see tears as a sign of immaturity, which will strengthen his resolve. Act like it doesn’t matter. He’ll be confused because he won’t be expecting it. But right now, it’s about protecting yourself. Get through the first day, and the second day becomes easier.”
Ethan had been off-kilter since he’d walked into the office, a range of emotions crossing his face in as much as one hour. From nervousness to regret to confusion, she’d always been able to read him like an open book.
At one point, she sensed he wanted to discuss last night, either rehash what he’d already said or clear the air. But she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
He wanted to keep things professional. Well, he got his wish, Cassie thought stubbornly, stabbing her finger on the elevator button.
Cassie could forgive him for wanting a reset and feeling that he needed distance to mentor her. It was his right. And she’d come to Edenbrook to learn from him, work with her medical hero. That was the primary objective.
But she was still too raw from everything that occurred in the last twelve hours to care about what he wanted.
And, if she was honest with herself, she couldn’t easily forgive or forget the cruel and callous manner in which he’d thrown her love back, like a slap across the face.
Max was right. Did she really want to waste her love on someone who clearly didn’t want it or deserve it?
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