#but i'm solidly close with all three of them and i see them on an incredibly regular basis. on of them everyday even!!

[seastoried]

sometimes u walk into a situation and feel so deeply lonely

[factcheckingmclennon]

john giving paul a bracelet: fact or fiction?

a lot of mclennon fics feature this silver ID bracelet of paul being given to him by john

so did john give paul a metal bracelet with his name on it?

this one is completely just a theory which lands it in

not too crazy much to get into source wise w this one because it's solidly theory/headcanon territory but i'll explain anyway for anyone that doesn't know The Bracelet Lore!

this one comes at me from @life-under-calico-skies :

Hello! First of all; THANK YOU for your blog! Omg! It was much needed! My question is; did John really give THE bracelet to Paul? It makes sense bc of the timing and when Paul wears it or not - so I WANT to believe it so bad. But I don't think I ever saw ONE reliable source saying that he once gave him a bracelet (or any other jewel, for that matter)

first of all thank YOU! i'm glad you enjoy the blog <3

but you're totally right- there's nothing other than the timing/when paul wears it and as near as i can tell, there's no source on it whatsoever, just people tinhatting. so we can't necessarily say it's Untrue, but it's a bit like speculating that they started a sexual relationship in hamburg or that x song was written about y... there's not much in the way of proving one way or another, unless paul comes out and says something different

with that SAID if someone says "john gave paul a bracelet" THAT'S definitely misinformation (intentional or not ofc). it's not fact. it's just a theory & i think somewhere that got a bit lost in translation? but anyway i'll break down what you mean by the timeline so others know wtf we're talking about here lmao

the theory

paul has/had a silver identity bracelet with his name on it. the theory goes that john gave it to him in paris or on paul's 21st bday & paul wore it on and off throughout his life

there's not much to back this up but there's also not much against it? so if you want to believe it that's fully your prerogative. me personally, i think it's a nice thought/headcanon and don't really Believe one way or the other, i just like the idea of it for like fics and shit

so the timeline...

this is the source for the Main pic people use to show the inscription. these pictures were presumably take in late 1963 and published in october of the same year

which also means this one could be earlier as it's also from '63 and the Only place i can find it is on a 1993 trading card saying it was from a "1963 publicity shoot" but i can't find any other photos from the shoot or which shoot it was to tell you what month that was lmao

there's also this photo from his 21st birthday party with it, which is Probably the earliest of these two:

which I honestly think is the Most likely time he would've received it, whether from jane or john or whoever else.

and as for the Rest of the timeline i'm pulling from a now deleted post by @ swaying-daisies who seems to have deactivated or changed urls but here's the post anyway. you can see him still wearing it in the 70s, although he stopped wearing it around 1967 for a while it seems

and then you can see it again in anthology:

as for where he got it all he's ever said was this:

"Dear Paul, I waited for three hours in line to see A Hard Day's Night and I thought it was just marv. What wrist do you wear your gold ID bracelet on and where did you get it?" Patricia Parrish BARSTOW, CALIF. "Dear Pat, Glad you enjoyed the film. We've almost finished work on our second movie now- and it's in color this time. Hope everyone enjoys it. I'm left-handed, so it is much easier to wear my watch on my right wrist. Therefore, the bracelet is on my left wrist. Where did I get it? Let's just say it has close sentimental value."

i've seen people say that there's pictures of him from Before 1963 with the bracelet on, but i can't find them.

so the options come down to: it was a gift from jane, it was a gift from john, it was a gift from his mother, or it was a gift from one of his other relatives

a couple of reasons people doubt the jane aspect is that he continued to wear it into the 70s & then ofc people claim that he had it before he met her. i can't find any evidence of him having the bracelet before jane, so i take that with a grain of salt. i'd think for me personally the only thing discounting it from being from jane is the fact the he still wore it during anthology. if it were just the 70s, that might be hand-waved away because it can still take a bit to get rid of everything an ex gave you. but by anthology, he definitely would've been over it.

people also point to him being cagey and saying "let's just say it has close sentimental value" as a reason it's Not from jane, but honestly i don't find that very compelling because at the time of this letter he was still like. out as being with jane, but it was peak beatlemania when they were supposed to be appearing single & approachable. so if it was from jane, i don't think he'd say that here either.

the oooonly other point against it being from jane is simply that i've seen people assert they "know for a fact" that it's from jane because people had matching sweetheart bracelets back then- but she's never seen wearing one. but that's just against them having matching ones, i really don't know if she gave it to him or not.

i don't see any reason that it wouldn't be from a family member that's not his mom, though. if it were his mom, there definitely would've been photos of him wearing it long before 1963. so For Me it comes down to john or another family member. jane is also still a strong possibility to me, although like i said the anthology bit throws a wrench in that for me, unless that's a different bracelet completely. or who knows, maybe he got attached to it outside of her- i've definitely kept things from exes long after i give a shit about them if i'm being honest.

another piece people like to throw in is that in both of the photos of him wearing it after his and john's split, he's wearing it on his right wrist rather than his left, like a widower would if it were a ring. not convincing to me honestly, but it's a part of The Whole Theory/Headcanon bit

others also speculate it could be from ringo! ringo had a similar one and I wouldn't be too surprised if paul liked his so he got him one for his 21st. definitely An option to consider!

also, if anyone knows the exact date on that teeth brushing photo that would be lovely. or if anyone happens to have a photo of him with the bracelet from Before he met jane.

but yeah tl;dr: it's theory, if anyone says it's for sure fact they are misinformed or just really want to believe it. no one knows who gave paul that bracelet and i doubt we'll ever know, so have fun.

[the-gateway-to-madness]

It's been really interesting to see all the takes on the end of TOTK.

Some people seem perfectly happy with the ending as is. I'm one of them! I'm so happy that Link and Zelda finally get to look forward to a future where Ganondorf is gone and they can choose how they want to live. It makes me cry with the best of 'em.

A lot of people seem to be pretty happy with it but think Zelda should have kept some draconic traits. And I get that too, for a number of reasons! Everything from "trauma doesn't just vanish and there should have been something remaining" to "it would invalidate her sacrifice for them to just disappear" to "it would just look cool".

My personal take on it is, yeah, it'd be cool and it would add gravitas to her sacrifice- but look at the fanart! The Dragon Zelda plotline already has unbelievable gravitas as is. She spent millennia enduring mindless suffering she probably couldn't remember the source of or fully comprehend.

Zelda remembers sensations from her time as a dragon- the fact she was asleep, how it felt right before she woke up (like a warm, loving embrace ;-;). Some part of her memory is probably deeply rooted with that pain still.

So why, why, WHY would Sonia, Rauru, and Link- arguably the three people who love Zelda more closely and personally than anyone else across time and space, in this canon -leave her with dragon traits, if they have the power not to? Why would they make her remember millennia of pain every time she looks at her hands, or looks in the mirror? Are the marks on her soul not enough? Must she live in a body that would mar her happy ending and remind her of her eternal suffering for the rest of her life- for all of time? Would she have even remained mortal if some of the dragon had been left in her? Could she have had the life among her loved ones, the life helping Hyrule alongside Link, that she wanted?

And besides, if we (and by we I mean my undiagnosed-but-autistic-trait-littered brain) look at the game mechanic that turned her into a dragon- secret stone inside body = dragon. Secret stone not inside body = no dragon. If the recall rune removed the secret stone from inside her (she has it back at the end of the game and we ALL know Link took that thing up to the highest Sky Island he could reach so no mortal is ever freaking getting to it), there shouldn't be any dragon left. It wouldn't make sense to put Zelda through a bittersweet or half-victory in the end. It wouldn't have felt as clean and joyful, and wouldn't have been the payoff Link and Zelda have earned after all their work and fighting and sacrifice. Zelda has been given another chance to be what she always wanted to be: free.

I don't see a reason to pour more trauma on these kids- the ending wraps up the story very solidly as it stands, and so I don't personally subscribe to the "zelda should have had dragon traits" concept.

It does look cool tho.

[curio-queries]

SMERALDO GARDEN MARCHING BAND

My thoughts prior to the release of MUSE. I've avoided pretty much all reactions and analysis posts until I finished this so I have no clue if anyone else has come up with better words to describe some of these concepts but here's my take on it. I wanted to get this out prior to MUSE so that I can see how my view evolves with further context but here's where I am now.

Initial Reaction:

I'd actually had a few issues that night so I wasn't in the best headspace to take in a new song but I did listen to it on Spotify first and then watched the mv twice, once without subs and once with. (And yes, I know it's technically not called an mv...deal with it lol)

Anyways, I definitely wasn't immediately sold on it - which is expected from me, it's EXCEEDINGLY rare that I like any song on first listen but SGMB only took a couple of runthroughs before I was on board. One thing that helped me reframe it in my mind and with my previous expectations is to remember the first part of Jimin's self-proclaimed attributes: Cutie, sexy, lovely. SGMB leans very solidly into the cutie aspect, a little near the lovely side but far deeper into Cutie than anything we've seen in his solo releases. (RememberCute was an answer in the seossword puzzle). That got me thinking about where the rest of his songs would be in comparison and here's the placement I've landed on. Some of these have changed over the past few days but I'm curious where y'all disagree with my placements.

Good old Serendipity, a perfect balance of the three in my opinion. All of FACE is firmly in the Sexy section with Like Crazy leaning more evenly into Lovely. Lie is also right there with LC but more closely on the border. My beloved Promise and Letter holding down the Lovely section with CTT straying closer to Cutie. If you forgot about the cutie circle though, SGMB would have seems like it was complete out of the expected range. I am curious if we'll ever get something that's a mix of cutie and sexy, I can't comprehend what that would be like but I wouldn't put it past our JM to find a way!

Theories?

So, how do I think I did with all of my theories? Let's go through them one by one:

Open Locker Meaning: nothing to prove/disprove this yet. There were an awful lot of references to Serendipity in the mv though, so maybe that's the tie-in? I don't know, this one was a streeeeeetch in any case.

Sound Effects Interlude: we know we're getting an interlude but we'll have to wait for MUSE and any behind info to learn if it's sound effects that Jimin recorded himself like Dive.

Rooms Going from Dark to Light: Yes! I mean we knew it was going to be a lighter album than FACE but I think the word BRIGHT is all over SGMB. And I think this technique in both of those videos was trying to highlight that for us.

SGMB as an Actual Band: Yes! Definitely right here too! I'm going to talk about this more below because I think this is actually a very important part of this song.

The Emoji Poll from the Insta Chat: Yes! I think some people are still trying to make the argument that each option is supposed to represent different songs on muse. And while the others may lean more into any of these specifically, SGMB definitely has elements of all of them as well

An Actual Band?

So, like I mentioned in the theory above, I had the thought that SGMB could be portrayed as a fictional band itself, very similar to what MCR did with the Black Parade. And since Jimin decided to use this as the song's title; as well as make it the pre-release track, I think this is an important topic to delve into.

First, this allows Jimin a perspective shift to share with us his career outside the lens of BTS. Not because he NEEDS or WANTS to separate himself from them but he has had his own journey as an artist that may differ from his experiences from the perspective of a BTS member. Obviously BTS is completely woven through this journey and he gives us an acknowledgement of that with the line about 12 June and the handsign.

(Sidenote, whenever I see any of them do that now, I instantly think of that moment in Jimin's pixid ep where he said they don't anymore...I think we may have been misled...) 😝

Second, the frame of SGMB from a band's perspective also puts the song firmly in the categorization of 'work' rather than 'personal'. With FACE being such a deeply personal projectregarding his very deep human experiences, i love that he'svery upfront with us about MUSE being a work project. I've said this before, and it's one of my absolute favorite things about Jimin's music: he crafts it so that we can easily adapt it to our own interpretations. There's a lot of loving and beautiful imagery in the lines of this song that can have special meaning in all levels of relationships; platonic or not. But his delivery if this message to us, is professional. This is reinforced by the suits Jimin has worn in all of the material released so far. He's following a work dress code. (If you happen to see this post within a week of release, we have a poll regarding Jimin's suits on @bts-polls )

ME + US = MUSE

I just want to touch on this briefly here as I expect there'll be more once the album releases but there are some hints already. Like I discussed in my FACE post, Jimin has again come up with some key words to weave through the project. In FACE, it was several sentences but MUSE seems to be focusing on the following:

ME: Jimin himself

US: Jimin's view on his audience

MUSE: His awareness of us and how that effects his creations and manner of artistry.

SGMB and CTT are both bursting with these references and viewpoints. But I honestly don't think of SGMB as a traditional 'fan song'. I have another post where I talk about the different kinds of fan songs. Like I said above, SGMB details Jimin's experience as an artist and how his audience plays into that process. Not like CTT that's literally a diary of our journey with him. Maybe an extremely nuanced take but SGMB just doesn't feel like it belongs in the same 'fan song' categorization that CTT does.

The End for Now

Does anyone know anything about that little hand-wave Jimin does during the bow at the end? He repeats it. Is just an additional flourish that he's added in himself? I've never seen anyone do that during bows after a performance so I'm wondering if it's a cultural/industry thing.

What do y'all think? I'd love to hear your thoughts! If any of you have made posts about SGMB, I'll try to read them now but rumblr is not very forgiving if you miss something in the timeline. I'm very happy for you to share links to your posts in the comments!

[oh-no-its-bird]

Someone said Hokage Tora and now I'm thinking about what would need to happen to make that a reality.

Ok so we're gonna shuffle the Hokage's and their timelines around.

(Also note: at this point, Tora very sympathetic to the Uchiha bc of his relationships w Shisui Itachi and Sasuke)

So Sarutobi dies and people are going "oh noooo someone go and get Tsunade back"

And Tora gets PISSED.

They want another Senju to have the hat?? Are you fucking kidding him??? 2 in a row was bad enough but 3 sets a standard. Choose literally anyone else! Anyone!! Fucking Kakashi would make a better Hokage!!!

And then he stops.

Hmmm. Kakashi as Hokage.

That... wouldn't be too bad, actually?

Long story short: Tora starts to campaign for Kakashi as Hokage.

Kakashi does not appreciate this. Stop immediatley.

Tora is on the civilian council at this point (at the terrifyingly young age of like 17) and lowkey has them under his thumb. So he's able to get them all aboard, meaning Kakashi is officially civilian approved.

The Uchiha are into it to, with him lowkey being the closest they've been able to get to the seat since fucking Madara. He has one of their eyes, he's lead/taught both of the clan head kids, and hes visibly, publicly close to multiple Uchiha/Uchiha sympathizers (Itachi, Shisui, Tora)

He's the yodaime's student which gives him major points in the politics department, + he actually knows what it is like to be in the life of a Hokage, he has seen and been involved in that life firsthand

Hes also on good, personal terms with a few clan heads and solidly neutral terms w the other clans

His clan is innofensivley small (read: fucking wiped out) so there's no concern with biases of a guy coming from a specific clan, working w a bias for that clan

Perfect candidate!!

(Something something Kakashi quietly touching his eyelid and mumbling to Obito that he guesses he'll be able to show him even more of his dream than even he'd expected)

Danzo tries to intimidate him into not accepting it and while Kakashi does agree that he would be one of the worst options, the conversation kinda... leaves him a little less sure he'd really be the worst option.

Anyways, Kakashi as the godaime hokage!!

He hates it.

Tora Shisui and Itchi have to hunt him down the day of his ascension and fuckin wrestle him on stage (he's gonna go home and scream into his pillow later)

How would Naruto canon change with Kakashi as the Hokage so early?? Until this point, the au has mostly been sticking to the script (minus the Uchiha massacre) but this is a HUGE status quo change for a character decently central in the cast list, and it's a change that'd impact just about everything going forward! Don't ask me how exactly because I know very very little about the actual specifics and events of canon but holy shit it'd sure change the course of history, huh? If you wanna get really down to the nitty gritty technicalities, we could take serious liberties and kill off and or save several characters with the simple explanation of "different Hokage, different people assigned to different missions"

Anyways:

Team Ro gets to be his personal guards,, they need a replacement for the team since Kakashi left, maybe we can throw in someone else to join them and add some more chemistry in there

I don't think it'd be anyone on team 7 (I don't live in a world where I can see Kakashi tossing specifically THEM in ANBU that young, no matter how more powerful or better taught than cannon, sorry) also conflicting interests w THREE uchiha on a team or the Haruno siblings. Also, Naruto is Naruto, so. *political noises*

Actually the slot is a very valuable one since they're basically Kakashi's special little guys (anbu eddition) so it's really hard to think of a character that'd even conceivably be put on it. (Part of me wants to add Neji for literally no reason other than I suddenly want him in the AU but that'd bring a whole mountain of implications with him if Kakashi chose HIM specifically to join his personal guard + he's suddenly in ANBU, what??)

Wait would Kakashi even choose the replacement personally.

Wait wait ok. Record scratch. Rewind. Let's try this again.

So. With Kakashi's promotion, Tora gets to he team leader. One of the first things he's told is to find a new replacement for the team

"Shouldn't you do that yourself?" Says Tora

"You've got me to take the hat I refuse to move so much as a single fucking finger more at your request." Says Kakashi, who then delights in bodily removing Tora from the room via the window.

I don't know Neji's actual age but for the sake of this fic he's suddenly Tora's age or only a year younger (Tora is like 17 at this point)

Him and Neji do not get along!! At all!!!! Actually it was kind of hate on sight.

Uhh insert montage where they become grudgingly almost friends but still mostly frenemies

Neji is very talented and Tora is frustrated by how he seems to be being "held back" in some way. Like, he doesn't like the guy! But damn if he doesn't know how it feels to have the system itself fighting you, no matter how good you prove you are and how hard you work.

Anyways, Tora finding out Neji was skipped over and denied for different promotions or smthn bc hyuuga second class or whatever.

And him going "hmmmmmmmmm...."

He hands Kakashi a form with Neji's name on it and Kakashi signs without even looking.

When he scowls and asks if he's even going to look, Kakashi just gives him a dry look.

"Like I dont know whoever you've picked won't be for whatever plot you're cooking up next. Just don't set anything on fire where I can see it and I don't care."

A very, very confused Neji is suddenly told he's not only going to join ANBU but also the Hokage's private guard.

Hey Tora !! What the fuck !!!

They have one of those "You don't even like me??" "I don't have to like you to want to see how far you can go." moments

Queue Neji angrily revealing that it doesn't matter "how far he can go" or how many opportunities are afforded to him bc his limits are fuckin branded on him, and shows Tora his seal mark

Hey Neji !! What the fuck !!!

Hyuuga reformation arc,,,

Ok so not sympathetic Hiashi Hyuuga but like,, rational (deeply fucking flawed) person Hiashi who is able to leverage the "Neji has been ordered to work directly the Hokage" @ the Hyuuga clan elders to at least slightly loosen the seal on him.

TONNS of political drama in the Hyuuga house w Neji being chosen for such a huge position, but w the complications of "they can't fucking voice it outloud" bc ANBU identities are supposed to be super top secret, so it's kept to the really high ranks only

(There's an AU of an AU out there where instead of stopping the Uchiha coup, Tora went "ok but are they wrong tho", decided to help instead, and got the Hyuuga lower cast to join them)

(Look he wants to reform the government, right? Ok so why SHOULDNT he support an attempt to rip it up by the roots?? The Uchiha want equality but Tora wants reformation. They do not know what they just let into their homes.)

What the fuck did I come here to talk about again?

Right, sorry, Hokage Tora

Uhhhh pivoting again here we go ->

So Kakashi is Hokage!!! And he !! Wants !! Out !!!

Tora is a very very clear contender for "the next Hokage", even early on in Kakashi's career. He's basically the guy who MADE Kakashi Hokage (both arranging it and forcing him to accept) and most important people know it.

I'm ngl I kind of don't know how exactly we'd get to hokage Tora.

Maybe Kakashi is temporarily taken out of commission and he's just the obvious replacement. Maybe we do a proper Hokage switch and promote him when Kakashi got the job in the original. Dunno! But Tora for Rokudaime all the way !!

If not Tora I think Rokudaime Neji could be suitably dramatic and fun. Also has similar themes of "rising from the lower ranks against the odds" and just in general tons of interesting implications both politically and like,, character interaction wise.

Everyone expects Tora for the next hokage but Tora decides he likes being the powerful guy in the shadows to a Hokage who knows both how to listen to him and how to lead with a strength and surety he can trust. And decides Neji is apparently that guy who has the leadership and wisdom he can trust.

Callback to the earlier moment where Neiji, voice cracking, goes "you don't even like me."

And Tora gives him a smirk and goes "I don't have to like you to want to see see how far you can go."

Mmmm actually I think I like that ending best, it has the most weight to me. Like, yeah Tora as Rokudaime is cool and a kind of ironic "full circle" moment, but Neji as Rokudaime has that gut punch energy that will leave your skin buzzing and your eyes tearing up with written right

Have to get going but I might try to draw that scene tommorow if I find the energy in me after work (doubtful tbh)

I love a good call back through dialogue in different character defining moments that leave you pointing at the screen shrieking "HE SAID THE THING!!"

[skittlesfics]

name: and if we should see the stars...

pairing: Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader

word count: 2175

summary: Eddie shows you the stars

content/warnings: mutual pining, sexual tension, fingering, friends to lovers, Eddie calls reader princess and baby, reader has a vagina

author's note: SO I started writing this a week or two ago, and my entire plot bears some striking similarities to one scene from @upsidedownwithsteve's Camp AU Eddie fic that was posted yesterday. I honestly considered not posting at all because anons love drama where there is none, but honestly I worked really hard on this one and I'm happy with how it came out. Go read that fic right now if you haven't, it's absolutely stunning and gorgeous in every way and deserves all of your attention.

-

There was love, and then there was whatever this was: sitting in the back of Eddie’s van drinking shitty beers with the back doors wide open and the radio turned down low. It was something sweeter, something unspoken that you could keep wholly to yourself.

He was so casual with his touches, one arm thrown around your shoulder, leaning in close to try and match your perspective. The chain he wore around his wrist was cold against your neck, but you were running so hot with him this close that it was a balm against the burn of him.

“D’you see that one princess?” He was pointing, but your gaze didn’t make it past his hand. The pretty calloused fingers, the rings shining on his knuckles, the flaked polish on his nails where he’s chewed and picked at them since the last time you painted them for him.

“Mmhmm.” You lied anyway. Who could look at the stars when the sun was this close? He burned so bright, so bright, you didn’t know how to look away. You didn’t want to know how.

“I’m pretty sure that’s Orion’s belt.” He traced the stars like he could touch them. You thought they’d move for him, if he wanted them to. Eddie was special that way.

“Just his belt?” You were barely aware of what you were asking. You just wanted for him to keep talking in that excited timbre. He was so pretty when he got passionate about something.

“The rest of him is there too, if you look. It’s a little harder, but if you lean this way…” He trailed off, shifting to make room for you to see and then frowning when you didn’t manage to get quite where he wanted you. He huffed. “C’mere.”

That’s all the warning you got before he propped his beer against a threadbare blanket and hauled you between his legs like it was the most natural thing in the world. For Eddie, maybe it was. For you? You were already burning for him, and the press of his chest against your back set you ablaze.

If he noticed your pulse quicken as he slid on arm around your waist, leaning forward to rest his chin on your shoulder, he didn’t say anything.

“So those three are the belt.” He pointed to the same spot again. His voice reverberated through your body, that close, and it was unfair of him to expect you to do anything other than listen.

“The bright ones?” It was a strain, but you did your best to find them in the wide expanse of the sky. He was right to move you. It was easier to find them, even though your mind was hardly on the task.

“That’s it, princess. So, if you draw two lines down to that star and that star, that makes his legs.”

You tried and failed to visualize it. Instead, your brain stuttered and got stuck on how different it sounded when Eddie called you princess while you were sitting in between his legs, with the warm press of his thighs boxing you in, with his mouth right next to your ear. You had to shut down the thoughts that followed, particularly the ones that started with his hand that was still resting casually on your waist, two fingers just skimming the exposed skin where your shirt had ridden up.

“A-and the rest of him?” Your voice shook as Eddie’s hand on your waist shifted, his fingers brushing more solidly against your exposed skin, raising gooseflesh in their wake.

If he noticed what he was doing, he was playing it cool. Cooler than you, at least, as he gestured again with his free hand, tracing a few more stars that you could barely separate from the tapestry of the night sky.

“That’s his body. He doesn’t really have a head.” He explained it like your mind could be on the stars when he was tracing constellations into your skin, never one to be still. You wanted to protest, to tell him how unfair it was to expect you to learn when he was touching you; when he was so close that your whole world was leather and smoke and Impulse deodorant that shouldn’t smell good on him but did anyway.

You tried desperately to think of a question to keep the conversation. It needed to be something clever, that would turn the focus away from the way you press your thighs together for friction.  Eddie spoke first, however, his voice low and teasing in your ear.

“You’re not even listening, Princess.” He laughed, the sound so full and dark that it made you shiver. There’s no hiding that when he had you pulled against him bodily, his fingers dipping more brazenly into the waistband of your skirt.

“’s not true!” You protested, “I just can’t see them the way you can.”

Eddie couldn’t care less if you could make out the constellation or not. He was playing a game of chicken against himself, tracing the waistband of your skirt and then dipping one finger down, then two, drawing a loopy pattern that was barely straddling the line between casual and what he actually wanted.

Your breath was coming out shallow, and that bolstered him on. He found a sensitive spot on your hip and you hissed so pretty, leaning back into him. He pulled back, afraid he’d gone too far. There was a balance to this, to the way he had you squirming in his lap, eyes glassy and lips parted. Balance be damned, he wanted more. He dipped his thumb into your skirt, brushing that sensitive spot again.

“Eddie.” The way you breathed out his name went straight to his cock. Selfishly, he wanted to keep you like this forever. Hanging in the balance, flushed cheeks and clenched thighs, almost fucked out with barely a touch in the back of your friend’s van. He wanted this just for himself. Wanted you.

“Fuuuck, princess.” Is all he could manage for a moment. His pointing hand comes down to grab your hip, holding you still so you didn’t squirm too far back and end things before they’ve started.

There was an order these things were supposed to be done in. A conversation, a confession, maybe a kiss. You skipped all of these and took Eddie’s hand, pulling it down to the hemline of your skirt and letting it rest on your thigh.

He almost couldn’t believe you were real. Somewhere, he stopped thinking.

“Been thinking about these thighs all night.” He admitted, his lips back at your ear. You didn’t care what he was saying. You couldn’t care when his fingers were trailing up your thigh, taking their sweet fucking time. “So fucking cute with these thigh-highs, got me fantasizing about bending you over the back seat.”

You could barely keep your eyes open, rolling your hips into his touch when he finally brushed the soft cotton of your panties. It was the faintest touch: a test, a request, an acknowledgement. You needed more.

“Eddie, please.”

He fell quiet as he slid his hand into your panties, watching you with rapt attention like he was afraid you would change your mind. You almost found yourself embarrassed at the damp fabric until he was hissing in your ear, his middle finger sliding across your slick folds.

“Shit.” He buried his face in your neck again, rocking his hips against your ass, “So fucking wet for me, baby.” And that was a new one, baby, but you couldn’t unpack that when his fingers were exploring you, looking for what made you feel the best.

His bracelet was cold against your belly as he let his arm rest on your front, his fingers finding your clit. You were already keyed up from being so close for so long, it didn’t take much to turn you into putty in his hands. You were all heavy breathing and soft whimpers, half lidded eyes and parted lips.

Eddie thought he might be in heaven with the way you melted into his arms. He was careful with you, worried he would scare you away with the strength of his desire, and so he made this about you. Your body was soft and warm against his, and when he slid a single finger inside of you, he started to think he wasn’t going to make it.

You tossed your head back against his shoulder, his name falling from your lips in a tone he never could have made up in his fantasies. Eddie was talking, but he wasn’t even sure if the words had any meaning anymore. He could only think about the way you moan for him as he slowly pumped his finger in and out, his thumb rubbing a gentle circle on your clit as he tested what you liked.

“You moan so pretty for me, baby. Fuck. Wanna make you feel so good.”

The second finger was where you started to slip. His fingers made you feel so full, you couldn’t help but clench around them and the sensation had him moaning into your ear. He rutted into you shamelessly, the denim of his jeans rough through the thin fabric of your skirt. Your toes curled as you started to feel the coil of tension building in your core and you reached out to grab a blanket, his knee, anything to keep you grounded as you felt your control slackening.

“Fuck, Eds, so close, I’m- fuck.” The litany of curses that fell from your lips were like music to Eddie. He peppered kisses to your neck as you rocked on his fingers. Your world narrowed to several points; There was just you and Eddie, his fingers buried in your cunt, curling to find your g-spot, his cock hard against your ass, his lips on your neck, his voice in your ear making your head spin with sweet nonsense, and then you were falling apart. Your body curled in on itself as you clenched around Eddie’s fingers, your hands wrapping around his wrist to slow the onslaught of sensation as he rocked you through it.

When he pulled his hand away, you were breathless and flushed, so pretty with the exertion of your orgasm. Eddie knows that he is well and truly fucked. There was no coming back from this, and if there was, Eddie knew he wouldn’t want to. Not when he knew the way you keened when his fingers found just the right pressure on your clit, not when he knew how wet and hot and tight you would feel, not when you were looking at him like he hung the moon.

“Was that okay?” He checked on you immediately, shifting you in his lap for a better look at your face. You laughed at his worry, still high from pleasure and sensation and him. When you reached up to cup his face, he leaned desperately into the touch, eyes closing instinctively. He was warm and so close and so pretty.

“More than okay, Eds. That was… Fuck. That was so good. Can I--? Do you need--?” You trailed off, embarrassed as Eddie opened his eyes, his gaze dark and intense. He watched you for a moment, calculating, and then he kissed you. Someone needed to set this right, after all, and it was clear it wouldn’t be you.

His lips were as soft as you always imagined they would be. The kiss was sweet, but too short. It was a question, a declaration, and an indulgence all at once. He pulled away to look at you, and then he was leaning in again, gathering you up in both arms so that he could kiss you breathless.

“’m okay, princess.” He said finally, when he thought he was done kissing you. You pouted, though, and then he was kissing you again, peppering them across your face like he’d wanted to do for months.

You curled into his chest, wrinkling your nose when he wiped his hand on the blanket on the floor of his van.

“Maybe, uh… Maybe we can do this again? In a real bed. After, uh, a real date?” Eddie was shy, suddenly, unsure despite the evidence of your affection still sticky on his fingers and his blanket. You would have laughed if your heart didn’t swell so suddenly with affection that you thought you might cry.

“You’re telling me this wasn’t a date, Munson?” You teased, reaching up to kiss him again, just because you could. He went willingly, smiling against your lips. “Got all pretty for you and everything.”

“A second date, then.” Eddie corrected.

“A second date.” You agreed.

He held you as the two of you lapsed into a comfortable silence. His eyes were on you, your eyes were on the stars. And maybe it was love after all, something you could share, just the two of you.

You couldn’t find Orion on your own, so you just found your own patterns in the sky.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[katie-the-bug]

It's late I'm tired have some

Unwarranted Opinions on The Solar System

The Sun: solidly middle-of-the-road star. Only really impressive in conjunction with The Moon (see below), but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 5/10.

Mercury: A pretty uninspired start to the planets, all things considered. Venus does the whole "being hot and close to the sun" thing way better, so I don't really see the point. 0/10.

Venus: Hot, bright, instantly recognizable, and a fascinating counterpoint to Earth. 9/10 only because it doesn't have a nice big moon named Cupid or something - I feel like there was a missed opportunity there.

Earth: This might just be four billion years of evolution talking, but this planet is literally perfect. Dry land and oceans constantly changing shape and thus never getting stale; an atmosphere that filters out most dangerous radiation without being too hard to see through; a functioning magnetosphere; the list of its virtues goes on and on. And even if that somehow weren't enough, I've literally never seen another planet with life on it and that's enough to get Earth an automatic 10/10 for originality.

The Moon: THE best satellite in the entire Solar System and if you disagree we WILL fight. It's a beautiful color, its endless tiny details variably highlighted by its phases mean there's always something new to look at, and it's just the right size and distance from Earth to fully eclipse the Sun and leave only its corona and prominences exposed in the most spectacular display in space or anywhere. If you need me to explain why that makes it THE BEST I will be forced to assume you have no brain. Infinity/10, I am in love.

Mars: Basic details out of the way - I love the color and the extreme geography. Having the biggest mountain in the Solar System counts for something. Besides that, it's thematically fascinating, haunted by the ghosts of what would have been had it been able to hold on to its magnetosphere and atmosphere. I'd give it a perfect score but its dust storms have been unkind to the rovers and I neither forget nor forgive. 8/10.

Phobos & Deimos: stupid useless space potatoes. 1/10 only because Mars will have rings when Phobos finally bites it.

The Asteroid Belt: Meh. 0/10.

Ceres: It may be the only dwarf planet inside the orbit of Neptune, but it's still a dwarf planet. 2/10.

Trojans: Asteroid Belt but "artistic." 1/10.

Jupiter: impressive size, tasteful color palette, and the red spot gives it a bit of intrigue. Too many moons though. 7/10.

The Galilean Moons: fascinating orbital resonance. Shame Callisto won't get with the program. 7/10.

All of Jupiter's Other Moons: too many, and they keep finding new ones, none of which are spherical. Quantity isn't everything, guys. 3/10.

Saturn: the boring color palette is more than made up for, and the excessive number of moons justified, by those SPECTACULAR rings. No other planet has rings that beautiful. Why aren't more planets like this? 10/10.

Saturn's Moons: yeah, some of them have fun little gimmicks, but I really only like them inasmuch as they keep the rings in place. 5/10.

Uranus: the massive axial tilt is refreshingly original and the blue color is easy on the eyes. The lack of rings or memorable moons is a bit of a letdown. A lesser reviewer might make base puns but all the astronomers I know pronounce it differently and the jokes no longer land. 8/10.

Neptune: redundant. 2/10.

The Kuiper Belt: mysterious and full of comets. The Asteroid Belt could never. 6/10.

Pluto: I don't have anything against Pluto itself - the fact that it's so tiny and yet has (at least) five moons gives it a certain charm that a body like Mercury simply lacks. It's the fandom I can't stand. There are three criteria for a body to be classified as a planet, Pluto does not meet one of them, and the sentimental value you place on it and its mistaken former classification does not override this. Any appeal to the perceived injustice of Pluto's classification reveals a deep-seated hypocrisy - I don't see any of you going to bat for Eris. All that said, I will not let this nuisance compromise Pluto's rating. 9/10 for being a funny little guy.

Eris: fun fact, Eris is smaller in diameter but more massive than Pluto. Other than that, I'm not sure what it's got going for it. To be fair to Eris though, neither does anybody else. 5/10.

Haumea: It's an egg with two moons and a ring system. What more could you want? 8/10.

Other Dwarf Planets: Eh. 3/10 for mystery.

The Oort Cloud: the most distant extremity of our Solar System, full of comets and possibility. 10/10.

[farfromdaylight]

OH I AM SORRY somehow i completely did not see that you had already answered some of these lmao. anyway have some more: 9, 16, 20, 21

NO NO i got a bunch at the same time and answered them together, you just happened to double up! not ur fault at all. THANK U FOR SENDING MORE, i shall tl;dr below!

9: worst part of canon

god i could answer this for so many series, i am always full of salt about Bad Canon.

can i say "most of zero time dilemma?" i know this isn't final fantasy but oh my god, what the fuck was uchikoshi smoking on this one. i thought it was okay but not great when i played through it the first time. when @shepherdtostars played through the series she streamed VLR and ZTD for me and man, ZTD does not fucking hold up lol. like all three games have their low points (especially in gameplay/mechanics/traversal but i'm solely speaking about story here). ZTD's conclusion to the series is fucking stupid at best.

to be slightly more on topic, i have not thought dirge of cerberus was good since i was a teenager with no taste and no understanding of Decent Storytelling and Characterization. (and even then i could recognize some shit was garbage, lmao.)

16: you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

my gut answer for this is zenos, lmao. i think @anneapocalypse summed up a lot of it in her similar response (i'm on mobile rn or i'd link). i think zenos is fine in stormblood itself and his ultimate ending at the close of 4.0 is fantastically done, ties together the narrative themes, etc.

i don't feel that way about endwalker. i don't think it's earned. i struggle with it to the point that i am going to replay stormblood (i haven't replayed it since 2020) and really dig into how i feel about it for my wol's story, then extrapolate from there for an ending that makes sense for endwalker. like i'm genuinely stuck on my 80% complete endwalker fic due to The Zenos Problem.

here's the thing, i don't hate his character trope? ennui is fine for a villain motivation and it ties into the themes of uncaring imperalism that stormblood puts forward. by contrast, i really disliked how zenos carried forward after that in the story. fandaniel didn't work for me. EW zenos didn't work for me. i have no desire to replay endwalker but i've reread and rewatched the scenes enough that i don't think it'll ever really work for me.

which is fine. i know i'm supposed to be choosing violence in this meme but it's fine that This Specific Storyline didn't click. there's a lot else i like instead.

20: part of canon you found tedious or boring

FF14 is too easy an answer for this. I love the game but it has some dead boring story and gameplay structure for MSQ. i have nothing against the character (i thought she was fine) but "speak with wuk lamat" illustrates the problem perfectly no matter how you feel about her. you need variance in the actual gameplay of telling your story, or it becomes too obvious to the player.

it works fine in visual novels and in many ways FF14 is very similar to that medium, but... it's not. it's a RPG. FF14 can't really do much of interest with this kind of thing due to the nature of its setup. i don't expect the kind of genuine exploration and discovery you get in other RPGs from it because it's linear by design. but please hide the bones of the structure so i can focus on enjoying the game.

21: part of canon you think is overhyped

final fantasy vii rebirth dev. square enix

lmao.

i really wish i'd liked it. in so many ways i should have liked it. it clearly, CLEARLY worked for many people. but it didn't work for me. remake was solidly middle of the road, but rebirth? good god, what is nojima smoking these days. why is aerith singing. why is zack here. what the fuck is that ending.

sigh.

[platosshadowpuppet]

Blood, pain and fear. Three things that call to the Wild Hunt and I've delivered them in spades tonight.

This close to Samhein, on the eve of a full moon, anyone with a drop of the cunning in their blood should do all they can to avoid the Hunt's attention.

What they shouldn't be doing is chasing their quarry through Edinburgh's dark streets, leaving a blood trail that a blind man could follow. But here we are.

He'd opened the gap between us and now all I could see of him was is the occasional flap of his ridiculous black coat. Who knew necromancers were so fast? I'd always thought of them as pale, indoorsy types, not much given to cardio. Yet this one was leaving me in the dust.

Wasting some of my breath on cursing I wrestled a glass vial from my jacket, wrenched out the cork with my teeth and downed the contents. It burned on the way down. I swore again and spat, deer's blood and hensbane lingering unpleasantly on my pallet.

A few seconds later and the mixture took effect. The foul taste was instantly forgotten as a burning rush of energy suffused my limbs. All caution was forgotten and I lost myself in the chase, whooping and screaming as my newfound speed let me close the gap once more. Overhead the sounds of drums and hunting horns grew closer.

As we turned onto a rare straight section of street, the necromancer made the mistake of looking back at me. I knew from experience that I'd be a startling sight; the draft I'd taken would have turned my skin a chalky white, widened my eyes and set my mouth in a rictus grin. The loaded crossbow I was carrying probably didn't help either.

I certainly made an impact on him; he yelped and tried to put on a burst of speed. An error, as it turned out. He glanced off the corner of a parked car, collided more solidly with a lamppost, and disappeared abruptly into one of the city's many steeply stepped Closes.

Reaching the top of the stairs I skidded to a halt, heaving down desperate lungfuls of air and shaking uncontrollably. The Close was unlit and the tall buildings on either side blocked out any ambient light. Even over the noise of my own laboured breath, though, I could hear the unpleasantly wet sounding noise of repeated impacts. The sort of noise a necromancer might make, say, if he'd just fallen down a flight of stone stairs.

Opting for the slower method of descent, I followed.

He had almost managed to regain his feet when I found him. Impressive really, given the multiple shards of bone I could see protruding from his legs and arms.

I pulled the crossbow's stock back against my shoulder and flicked off the safety. My arms were still shaking - potentially disastrous, as I only had the one quarrel. With a head of deer antler and a shaft of mistletoe, it was something of a custom job.

Brought to bay against the steel shutters of a kebab shop, my quarry made his last stand.

"Go ahead, shoot! You know what will happen. Death is but the next step; it holds no fear for me now".

Bold words, undercut slightly by the nasal whine of a broken nose. In truth, he did look closer to a corpse than a man. His skin was as pallid as mine, his face gaunt and hollow, and his ragged coat liberally daubed with blood.

I gave him a grin that I had on good authority was insufferable.

"Oh, no fear aye? What about if I wrap you in iron chains and toss you in the Forth?" His dark eyes widened as he contemplated an eternity in the company of fish and errant turds.

"Ah... well maybe we can reach an accord. There are many things I've learnt on my journey, I'm sure there is something that you want? Someone who has passed you would speak with?"

I could see his hands furtively shaping sigils in the shadows by his sides, smell the iron stink of dark magic rising. But this was all part of the plan. I took a faltering step back and let the crossbow drop.

"You... you could do that? Let me speak to someone I've lost?" I let my voice tremble a little and fill with hope. Really, sometimes I impress even myself.

A look of triumph filled his face and he managed to drag himself a little more upright.

"Yes, of course. Anything you want. It doesn't have to be this way, you've been told so many lies about us, about our magics. Give me a name, I can help you, only I can help you".

The spell he was weaving was reaching its climax. His features had begun to shift and warp sickeningly and a dangerous amount of blood was pooling at his feet. He was close to the crossing point.

So confident was he in his own persuasiveness, that he continued to whisper empty promises even as his voice grew distorted and silibant.

"I can bring them back, all of them, I can bring them back to you, you jussssst need to let me, let me help you..."

Incredibly, he was walking. Taking jarring steps forwards on legs with too many joints. Reaching out hands with fingers that were crooked and broken.

This was part of the plan, I told myself. Even so I couldn't help but walk back, away from the ruined man. Until the heel of my boot found the empty space of them next flight of stairs.

Horns and drums and the sound of horses filled my ears, coming from every direction. My heart thumped along with them. This was it, this was what I'd planned. But when I'd devised the idea I was to be the hunter, not the cowering prey.

Still he came.

"...no more pain, no more worry, you can be with me, be mine and sssssafe from death. Free from choicesss..."

Free from choices? A good line, that one. I'd looked for that myself though, in bottles and bad relationships. I knew a false promise when I saw one.

Taking one sweating hand from the bow I plunged it into a jacket pocket and pulled out a handful of salt. With a cry I hurled it into his face. Where it touched skin it burnt with a blue flame. With a cry of his own, the necromancer fell back. I advanced.

Sensing a chase was nearing its conclusion, the Wild Hunt swirled and stamped above us.

The man's ruined face could no longer form words, but hissed defiance at me none the less.

I was too tired and breathless for a witty last line. I shot him just below the heart.

For a moment the fear of death was clear on his face once more. But as the seconds passed, and death didn't come, it was replaced by horrible glee. The necromancer gathered himself to leap at me, jaws spread inhumanly wide.

A blurred shape, the impression of speed, a strong smell of horse. The Close was empty, except for me and a rapidly congealing pool of blood.

I tottered back to the piss smelling wall and let myself slowly sink down. Above the horns and drums were growing faint again and the first touches of dawn were visible in the thin sliver of sky.

I carefully placed my crossbow down next to me and proceeded to have a really good cry.

[spotsupstuff]

What do you think about the RW ships? just curious is all.

hmmm.. well! first i do wanna preface this with the obligatory "i'm not hating on anybody with this, u do u and i do me is my genuine philosophy. i'll respect u from the distance if you do the same for me"

aight so i'm not gon list every ship in the fandom that has spawned in outta the stardust n give my specific opinion on it, cuz i'm not exactly keepin up

the only two ships i don't mind n find cute on the paper are NSH x Moon and Arti x Gour cuz both of them have that Old People Love Each Other in Easy Peace Despite The Circumstances Surrounding Them kick to them. i'm a weak bitch for that type of troupe for romantic relationships. not gon do anythin with 'em in my own stuff, though

i find myself more interested in the entirely and wholly platonic interpretation of everything in the game. platonic love is a matter of course, makin the story flow feel more smoother to me for that while also stayin nicely close to that religious narrative of the game (u can fight me on this but the Ancients' religion isn't *wrong*. the bad thing that happened with it is that it was taken to extremes and variety wasn't allowed. i could tell you why riddin oneself of the third and fifth sin isn't a bad idea at all- afterall, i kind of live by that myself!- and what they probably meant by riddin yourself of the sins without the extremist approach)

for the other ships... 🤔

well, the iterators are far too rooted in my head as sibs to vibe with ships with them, but more properly told: • Suns and Pebs are too much of "teacher and naive student" to me and i also find this dynamic more interesting to explore. uuuuu how spicy it is to think of Suns brainwashing Pebs but meaning it well uuuuuuuuuu • Suns and NSH are... let's just say that if i was in NSH's place and Suns talked to me like that i'd slap them so fuckin hard n if i WAS in a romantic relationship with them i'd dump them then and there (not in a bitchy ex kind of way, i'd be still down to talk, but i can't imagine bein in a relationship where the other half calls the most likely inevitable death of your closest friend a "setback" to their brainwashing of that friend's little brother would be Very healthy) • n i think what is the only other iterator ship left, Sliver and Moon... i find it kind of silly, honestly? like as far as *i* know the main reason why that exists is cuz Moon remembers what happened with Sliver after being given her own pearl about some notes she wrote herself on Sliver despite being baround three gazillion bagillion braincells short. i don't really see that as a strong incentive to start shippin 'em cuz like. you give Moon a very solid memory jogger and right in her second set of monologue she states that Sliver is literally a legend among the itties-titties. the best i can compare it to a real life thing is asking an american if they have any idea who Abraham Lincoln was at all. or asking a slovak if they knew who Finally managed to solidly establish our language after centuries of oppression. like of Course you're going to know That even on ur deathbed??? those are incredibly important historical figures for you n your home!!! also c'mon she remembers the feckin bug pupae, if THAT stuck in there this big boy info is def gon be kickin around

as for the slugcats... well ehh..... you can probably guess from what i mainly draw that i'm not Too focused on the slugs, only maybe Hunter so my slugshippin lore knowledge is p weak. when i first saw the slugshippin take off before i started postin bout RW again i thought it was silly to ship animals n still kinda do? 🤷‍♀️ doesn't help that canonically they have no business meeting each other except Monk n Surv (that is a strong No to shippin) and Hunter's writhing corpse n Gour (we are Not ducks we do not support necrophilia). i generally like to stick to the timeline, personally. good world-building. i respect good world-building too much to deviate too hard

BUT! i am going to use my status as pre-Downpour RW veteran and tell you to not listen to the whiny wrinkly babies in the tag that wail about how slugshippin is ruining the fandom. fuck 'em bitches, you do what u wanna (within moral common sense)

[karoiseka]

💙

This is both for Eva and for @blackestnight who will get their other prompts answered after I recover from this straight up craziness I devolved into for this one. ^_^ <3

Have some Shadowbringers Karo with an unsuspecting Ardbert. (and a middle screenshot I'm stupidly proud of the posing on)

The bottom of the glass bottle looked back at Karo as she peered through it’s neck, a scowl upon her face.  

“You know, that isn’t going to help,”  Ardbert’s voice came from the seat next to her.  They were sitting at her table in the Pendants suite assigned to her, the wine bottle in her hand the second of two that had disappeared down her throat in the past few bells.

“I know,” Karo was trying not to slur and failing miserably.  “‘dulls i’ a bit though.”  She could hear his sigh, but no rebuttal came at that statement.  Rak’tika had been harsh on her emotions, from the Eulmorans snapping at their heels and the danger Y’shtola’s people had been put in.  That was nothing to say of what the mage herself had done using Flow again and having to mourn her again before Emet snatched her right back out of the Lifestream startling all of them with the show of kindness.  Thancred had also been within sight for most of the way, but just as emotionally out of reach as Y’shtola had been physically, which continued to eat at her.

Taking in the extra Light from the Warden had been harder, and it was starting to take the toll that her sightless yet all-seeing friend had already started to see.  It had only taken one glance in the mirror when they returned to the Crystarium to see the way her eyes were being leeched of color, now matching in hue to the shade next to her.  Yet that wasn’t the worst of it.

Because then, then, Emet-Selch, Ascian, and insufferable know-it-all had interrupted their walk back through the caves to comment on the historic paintings that adorned the cavern.  He spun a tale of ancient people facing a great calamity unlike any the Star had seen before–and their incredulous answer.  Zodiark.  Hydaelyn.  Both the first Primals.  Born of desperation and fear.  Love and protection.  Two sides of a whole, now sundered into fourteen–and three that had been left unsundered.  Three striving to bring back their home and loved ones for eons without end.

Karo went to take another swig from the bottle, placing it down with a thud and a scowl as she had forgotten it was already empty.

“Damnitall,” her head swiveled, looking around to the counters for more bottles–hopefully still full.  Determination flowed through her, hands planting on the table to stand and head to her quarry.

“Karo, I don’t think that’s a good idea–”  Ardbert was already on his feet, arms out as if to steady her, knowing that she would just pass through him, even as she stood and swayed in place.

“I–I got this!”  Her tone was not nearly as certain as her words, and sure enough as she took a first shaky step away from the table, stumbled as her support was no longer close.  Cursing, Ardbert lunged forward, hopeless as it was, and almost collapsed under the sudden shock of her weight landing solidly in his arms.

The phenomenon had only happened a handful of times since she had arrived on the First, and so far only when she had been fast asleep, waking just long enough to acknowledge his solid presence at her side before falling into sleep, leaving him to sit in quiet contemplation throughout the night, the touch of another on his skin for the first time in decades.

This however was messy, sloppy, in the surprise on both their parts as he hefted her carefully, and in the way only a drunk could, Karo flung her arms exuberantly around his neck, a smile lighting up her face in joy.

“My Hero~!” His sigh was one of affection, knowing she didn’t mean to sting with the words, even as she buried her face into his chest, ears tickling his nose.  He couldn’t stop the chuckle that followed, even as he tried not to hold her too tight.

“C’mon then, let’s get you to bed, you’ve had enough to drink for one night,”  he could almost feel the pout as she whined, tail whipping around their legs.  Looking up at him, he wondered how anyone told her no about anything with those large blue eyes.  It wasn’t his imagination then, they had lightened in color as she took on the extra Light.  

Without another word, he bent slightly to scoop her into his arms, chuckling as she whooped with delighted laughter, mood swinging as wildly as only a drunk’s could.  Carefully as he could, he took one step after another, heart filled to bursting with wonder and awe at the small woman in his arms, already curling into a ball, and nuzzling his neck.  How had she brought such life and color to his mundane hell that every day had become?

There were not enough steps to contemplate their entire balance before he made it to the bed tucked neatly in the corner of the large room.  Perhaps the gods would be kind and would allow him another peaceful night at her side, that precious touch rekindling who he was, and what he lived for–had died for.

“Ride’s over, Warrior.  I’m afraid you’ll have to tuck yourself in since this mystery only seems to extend to you,”  Leaning over, he started to place her down on the thick mattress, before she held on tighter around his neck.

“You’re so good to me, Arbert.  Ardbert,” She overly enunciated his correct name after the slip of his “alias” from the Source.  

“I love you,” and with that her lips were on his, sloppily kissing him, holding on as he dropped her the rest of the way to the bed with the shock of it, being pulled down after her, unbalanced as he was.  He knew it was the drink talking, but the words nevertheless were laced with Truth that his Echo confirmed, making his heart clench. 

Hesitantly he returned the kiss, reveling in the feel before breaking off and then kissing her nose and forehead.  A happy giggle told him that he hadn’t offended as he carefully moved to sit in his normal spot on her bed–never fully taking all contact away in case the magic disappeared.

“C’mon now, time for sleep,” and with an incoherent positive babble, Karo curled around him and was passed out in moments.  He let his fingers run through her hair, carefully tracing her ears as she hugged him closer.  It would be a good night–one he could watch over her and provide what comfort he could.  It was all worth it.

[aerodaltonimperial]

I wonder whether plans for Darby to challenge Bryan at Grand Slam got changed around because of the TNT title match getting cut short at All In? Maybe they needed more time to build up Darby as a credible challenger after the coffin match ended up so one-sided. I just can't see Mox losing at Grand Slam when he just started this heel turn. But Darby also looks foolish needlessly losing his title shot. Maybe there will be a screwy finish and we get a triple threat at Wrestledream?

Thiiiiiiis sounds not implausible to me; them losing the time during their match shifted things, I think. Jack was always meant to HANDILY win that coffin match, because that was clearly always the point of it (give Jack a win at All In after everything and do it in a way that sets him up solidly as a force with the belt) and obviously, Darby was aware of that when it was first booked (and agreed to it), but it definitely wasn't supposed to be quite such a squash. I wouldn't be surprised if they are sort of extending things now. Darby, by nature of who he is, is one of the few wrestlers who actually doesn't take hits when he loses (like Orange, it tends to make him even more of a popular underdog), but setting up any sort of world title shot will require a decent base to really land.

I've actually always kind of guessed that WrestleDream was where things would really shift. It's home turf for both Bryan and Darby, so it makes no sense to have any sort of final title match before it, not with the date so close. I can EASILY see some sort of three-way in the works for that PPV! The Mox factor is the part I'm least confident about. I don't care much about him, so I don't pay attention to his stories, and I was never into the BCC so I'm not at all qualified to really comment. He always seems very over, though, which makes me think he COULD lose here and fuel his little super violent aggression streak and it probably wouldn't hurt him much. I just don't know enough to predict which way they go with that one. Just my feeling, but the Mox v Darby match-up seems to be more about setting up Mox and the new BCC and how Bryan factors in than it does about them actually feuding, but I could be wrong.

The other things in play are the obvious questions: 1) who is actually going to be the person to retire Bryan (likely he has chosen who it will be, and we have seen the rumors that Darby is in the world title spiral now), and 2) will they still give Darby the title with Everest looming in March (knowing he will have to drop before he goes off on his terrifying adventure)? These two things could influence the way this plays out in manners we have no internal access to know hahaha.

[greypetrel]

Sera and Solas for the opinions meme? c:<

Ooooooh you asked me to spill the tea!

Thank you for asking about the elves, I'm glad they can rest together hating on each other in this ask. uwu

Sera:

First impression: *starts singing Anarchy in the UK* Beside that, I didn't like her all that much at first. I liked her points of view, but playing as a Lavellan... At first it was a "Yeah but why you're so hostile". She grew on me like moss.

Impression now: I love her your honour, she's such a nuanced and complex characters, and with Dorian one of the most caring people around Inquisition, if you spend the time to build a good relationship with her. Her point of views on politics are genuinely good and much more rooted in reality than Solas' (for obvious reasons)

Favorite moment: Her whole set of reactions in Trespasser. The way she notices Inky is feeling all but well but still does her best to cheer them up and remind them that there is an after that they can shape how they want, she's there to help. The way she's genuinely worried sick for you and is there to help... It was the moment she became a ride or die for me. Also all her banters with Dorian. All of it.

Idea for a story: Anything expanding what we see of her character, really. Anything. Little things, her learning to cope and interact with an Inquisitor who is a mage and/or a Dalish, she spending time with the Chargers and finding the family she always lacked. Cookies experiments. Flirting with Dagna. Anything. Some expansion over her War Table mission and having Cullen saying "Do you know what, I'll do it. I'll send soldiers to hold drills as loud as possible under that noble's windows. Yes.".

Unpopular opinion: She's one of the most emotionally intelligent characters around. She is closed and abrasive, sure, but show her you care and are sincerely interested in having some kind of relationship with her and BOOM. Don't know how unpopular it is tho, LOL. And: she and Solas could actually get along and have more similar opinions that they would admit. It's just that Solas is not a people person (he's 24/7 screaming internally, there's no mental space for much else) and approaches her in the wrong way.

Favorite relationship: I'll say three. She and Dorian gives me life, you see the prince and the pauper going on and learning to live together and finding points in commons and enjoying each other's company. She and Cullen. I am sure Cullen is the one who has the most fun in the Red Jenny missions (not that he will admit it), and they are both commoners and simple people at heart. She sees right through the hard shell of pretending he's a serious knight of course no no he's the expert here, uh-uh. He's totally at level with the other advisors. She is there to take him down a notch. Also. She and Solas. Listen. They share quite some opinions. Sera is more rooted in the actual reality of things, while Solas just has theoretical knowledge. They say the same things and have a lot of things in common (both are solidly against the establishment, both renounced to position of richness to just go and play hobo, both are artists and imaginative. He's a marxist, she's an anarchist, but as above: she's rooted in reality, he isn't). Solas just chose the wrong way to approach her and doesn't know how to fix it, and she's not making a step towards him either.

Favorite headcanon: She's the little girl that got the painted box from the Warden in Denerim.

Solas:

First impression: I was heavily influenced by @karmicblackhole, who is the friend that brought me into the saga and my number one Solas authority. So I got to know him in theory before and came knowing who he is exactly. I was curious when I first play to see him finally in game.

Impression now: I like his character A LOT. Wouldn't romance him, I recognise the fascination but personally there's a "You're not like other girls" theme that is really not my cup of tea. Again, if you're not here from 5 minutes you all know I love him as a platonical friend figure, I love his character and I'm firmly convinced he may be your local trickster and obscure character... But a villain? Evil? No. Not at all. Man is going on of pure inertia screaming internally. And also he's the worst liar around Skyhold. Worst of them all. I sniffed there was something weird with Blackwall, but at least Blackwall doesn't let slip things about his past that don't add up with the story he told you and disapproves when you call him out.

Favorite moment: The last cutscene pre final battle when he's there panicking and asking you advices about how to deal with horrible mistakes. The façade cracks a little and he's just... A scared person not knowing how to fix his mess. Also the way he treats you in Trespasser if you had a positive relationship with him during the game. He's a cuor di panna, he's very tender, he's just so horribly bad at people.

Idea for a story: I am pondering from months on a short ficlet about him going back to watch the Inquisitor as time goes by. Because yes he may be resolved... But he's bad at plans. Also DadWolf, but I'm drawing/writing it. Basically, anything that lets him find something he may use to stop running in circles in guilt and self-commiseration and learn that hey, it went how it went that's ok.

Unpopular opinion: He's not a villain and he's not evil. I can see why people think of that and he's in that grey zone that's grey enough that he can easily fall in both parts... But in my opinion he's not. He's just panicking HARD and starved for human contact. Again, I can see why people treat him as a villain... But I think we saw him only up to the middle of his narrative arc. It would be like judging Cullen stopping at DA2 before the final battle and the mutiny. You can but we're all missing the second half of it. I may be wrong in my opinions and I read some great fics that has him as the villain. He could double, again, I just like to think that people are fundamentally good.

Favorite relationship: As above. Him and Sera. Him and Varric co-parenting Cole gives me life. I recently brought him on a mission with Blackwall and they had the funniest banter ever, BOTH sweating profusely and lying. x°D

Favorite headcanon: He's a huge softie and hugely touch starved and it will take very little to bring him back to the good side. Also, I'd love to see him... Doing something to the Veil and actually making elves mages. Also, he's a terrible hugger, but will appreciate being hugged greatly.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

One final ask before I head to bed

How does second meeting chosen go?

I’ve a hc that second simply comes to visit after showdown, to make sure chosen is alright, I’m curious what everyone’s thoughts is on that

He’s on beasts “yeah alright I trust him” list, but beast trusts him in combat, what about regular day to day things? Just hanging out? Eating sandwiches? That’s gotta be different right?

And chosen and killer, do they like him? Are they envious of him? Does one like him more than the other?

How quickly do they realise that uh. Second doesn’t remember how showdown ended. And who realises first?

Idk idk there’s a lot that can happen and I’m curious of your hc’s for it. Going to bed now. Goodnight

HEHE GOODNIGHT ANON!!! thank you dearly for the Even More questions <33 i hope you have a very nice sleep

as usual, responses are under the cut ^_^

1: How does second meeting chosen go?

Oh man okay. So like, if we don't count the brief meeting before the final fight, and then the little bow interaction after, then the two would've officially met sometime later I'd say? Somewhere between Showdown and Wanted for sure, I'm a sucker for the hollowheads actually interacting lol.

I'd say it'd be a very big "hey wait a minute what the hell are you doing here" moment at first, before Chosen just sorta resigns himself to the fact that Second is probably going to just keep dropping by to check in every once and a while whether he likes it or not [and if he's secretly fine with it because it's an excuse to actually clean up the house and keep the kitchen stocked instead of wallowing in his room all day well then that's his business and no one needs to know that damn it]

I think out of the three, Killer is actually the most trusting, and actually pretty fond of Second! Chosen is close behind, but he's got a healthy dose of respect for the guy after seeing them in action so there's a bit of "man you could totally kick my ass if you felt like it. That's cool I think. Please don't do that actually." in there lol. For the most part they like Second after a while, and warm up to them.

You'd be right to assume that it's definitely different with Beast though! Beasts little "trusted people" list can be pretty solidly split between "ally in combat" trust and "genuine everyday trust" , and while that does slightly spread to the others [ie, Chosen can respect and appreciate Second, but was a bit hesitant at first thanks to Literally Everything] it's mostly seen in Beast. Honestly if it saw Second again outside of a battle it'd probably briefly think "oh shit is something happening do I need to like. Attack someone. What's going on why're they here" and it'd take some time to unlearn that association with them.

Despite all this, though - despite eventually warming up, Chosen is shockingly the most hesitant to actually start liking them to any degree. Killer does the fastest, mostly because they're probably the only extroverted person there to match Second's energy, and Beast is next up solely because of previous reason to trust them, but Chosen?

Sure, he knows Second is on his side. He knows they're doing this to be a decent person and to be nice. He knows they literally saved him and their friends. But despite logically knowing that Second is [mostly] harmless, he cannot stop the instinctive fear that comes with the whole "watched this guy murk his best friend/brother like it was NOTHING" thing. It's not major, in comparison to a lot of things. It's not even enough to prevent him from interacting with Second, especially not in polite company. But it IS enough for him to be on edge for a while.

Though again, after a bit of time passes he does end up putting a lot of his real genuine trust into Second. They are the first person the three think to go to for help, after all. That is, at the very least, one thing they agree on.

To add on; I think Killer likes Second for their creativity, Chosen likes Second for their kindness and eagerness to help others, and Beast likes Second for their strength and their loyalty to their friends [mostly because it relates to the need to protect those it cares about.]

2: How quickly do they realise that uh. Second doesn’t remember how showdown ended. And who realises first?

I'm gonna be so honest it's either Killer or Beast who put two-and-two together first. Killer because any time they bring it up to ask Literally Anything, Second just kinda politely nods along with this confused look and they know damn well Second's just playing along and has no idea what they're on about. Killer is pretty observant when it comes to other sticks and their feelings [probably the only emotionally aware alter there lol]. Beast because, well, surely someone that powerful would be displaying that power as much as they can, right? Be it as intimidation to ward off anyone wishing to do them or their loved ones harm, or maybe just as a casual brag, or even just for stupid everyday tasks. Anything to use the power given, anything to acknowledge it and the things they've done. To Beast, the only way it makes sense that they wouldn't is if they didn't know.

Chosen finds out literally the day of Wanted just like in source simply because I think it's a little funny lol. He's got his suspicions before that but he mostly just brushes it off as like.. trauma blocking the memory Mostly out like how his own memories do.

So like, while I don't know the FULL amount of time between Showdown and Wanted, let's just for the sake of discussion say it was about ehhh a year or two. Not saying I think it did but just for timeline purposes - feel free to stretch this out or compress it depending on the time You Personally think was between it.

With this in mind; if Chosen finds out during Wanted two years after Showdown, then Killer and Beast probably realize at first that somethin' ain't right with Second over the course of 8 or 9 months after Showdown, and ACTUALLY figure it out 2months after the 1st year passes [or 14 months after Showdown if that's easier for you to visualize]. Compress or stretch that timeline as you see fit bc timelines in AVA are a mess lol, but regardless; Chosen's a little slow on the realization here because it'd be funny.

This next half of the post isn't in response to any question and is just misc. rambling about anything that comes to mind about these guys interacting because you got me Thinking-

-but I just like the idea of Second meeting Killer and Beast and Knowing That That's Happening. LIKE IDK I feel like they'd end up getting along individually after a while. Second would probably be a little perplexed at first before just going No that makes sense carry on ^_^

I also like the idea of Beast, having since decided that Second is worth trusting Personally [which would take a hell of a long time considering the last time it trusted someone outside of battle it ended with Dark dead [presumably] somewhere and new issues regarding bugs/spiders.] had taken one look at Second, and one look at the CG, and went "no absolutely not you cannot go out fighting things as self taught fighters your stances are WRONG your punches are WEAK and you are NOT PROTECTING YOUR MIDDLE. Get INTO the sparring room I am TEACHING YOU PROPER TECHNIQUE" lol. Very aggressive signing and glaring. Chosen and Killer are in full support of this but for different reasons [Chosen just prefers the people he knows to be safe and able to protect themselves, Killer is silently cataloging as much as they can about the others' fighting styles]

Anyway I just think Beast is so used to itself knowing how to properly fight AND Dark knowing how that when it sees self taught fighters who are half its size and used to video game mechanics vs actual living experience, it just short circuits and briefly forgets that it's supposed to be scary and intimidating and instead is like Okay I gotta fix that they're gonna get themselves killed and that's gonna be REALLY upsetting for us. It's like when people joke that they were in the middle of a breakdown and then someone says something so baffling that they just. Stop crying. It is the FUNNIEST thing to me.

[softquietsteadylove]

Hey birdie! ✨

I've got a cute fluffy idea for "My First And Only" if that's okay! Thena and Gil fell asleep on the couch at Thenas and Ajak comes home after a long day at work. She's seeing them and takes a picture she's going to use as her smartphone background. Thena wakes up and glares at her mother but she can't get up because Gil is holding her! ✨🖤 Hugs and Love! 🖤✨

Thena blinked, finding the living room dark. The question of 'are you still watching?' having come and gone. She sighed, not quite ready to get up yet.

Gil wasn't either.

Right--they had been watching cooking shows while waiting for her mother to get back from work. Gil always kept her company when Mother was working, whether here or at his place with Karun. They had come home with onigiri and a new flavour of cup ramen to share as a snack.

And they might have made out a little bit.

Thena tried to reach for her phone but, somehow, she and Gil had moved from just leaning together on the couch to now fully cuddling. Gil was slumped over on the throw pillows, but with his arm firmly around her waist. Their legs were woven together messily, tangled in the subconscious desire to have their feet up while they rested.

"Gil," she whispered, although Gil was a very sound sleeper. The few times she had gone to his house on the weekends early in the morning, she had discovered as much.

That was also how she discovered that Gramps made wonderful pancakes.

"Gil," she whispered again, pushing on his chest faintly.

"'Ena," he mumbled, forgetting the 'Th' and only nestling further into her mother's plush sofa and pulling her tighter against him.

Thena smiled to herself, alone in the dusk. Gil was nice and warm, she had to admit. It was very different from when she had sleepovers with Makkari and Sersi, all three of them crammed into her double bed upstairs.

Gil sighed in his sleep, holding onto her in the slim space between his body and the back of the couch. His arm was both loosely and solidly wrapped around her.

Just so long as no one could see--could know she was indulging herself like this, Thena pressed her face to his chest. He smelled nice; he had started wearing some kind of scent since they started going out. She wasn't sure if it was real cologne or not, but it was kind of nice. And of course he smelled like whatever he had been cooking.

She wrapped her arms around him too, under the hoodie he was wearing. It was a little too warm for him to need it, but she was pretty sure he always had a jacket or sweater or something just in case she got cold so he could lend it to her. He loved 'boyfriend stuff' like that.

Thena sighed, quickly being pulled into sleep again by how warm and comfortable he was, even napping on her mother's couch in the early evening. "I love you, Gil."

He was asleep; it was the only reason she said it.

"Honey?--I'm sorry I'm late, my love, I--oh."

Thena kept her eyes closed, hoping her mother would simply...mind her business. For once.

Ajak was enthralled by her relationship with Gil. According to her, she wasn't sure if Thena would ever find herself in want of a romantic companion, and was thus ecstatic that she had found such a suitable partner as Gil.

She had plenty of 'I told you so's, in not so many words.

Thena listened as her mother abandoned her shoes by the door but definitely didn't go upstairs, or even into the other room towards the kitchen.

Ajak was quiet, tiptoeing in sock feet over the living room rug and towards them. She turned on the small side lamp and opened the curtains just a little.

Gil adjusted on the couch at the brighter environment before settling his head by Thena's again.

"Oh!" Ajak whispered in delight.

Thena's cheeks burned. She wasn't sure if it would be worse to be awake now or not. Maybe her mother would get the hint - for once - and leave them be if she pretended to still be asleep.

Ajak's phone made the quiet noise of a camera clicking.

"Mother!" Thena did her best to turn and glare at her mother, although still within Gil's hold.

"Sorry, honey," Ajak whispered, although obviously not with any real regret. "Did I wake you?"

Thena hesitated. "Yes."

"Sorry, my baby, you go back to sleep," Ajak murmured, although she didn't exactly scurry off to leave them alone.

Thena pushed against Gil's chest to angle her head, "what are you doing?"

Ajak was holding her phone with one hand and tapping away with her pointer finger of the other. "How do I change the background on this?"

"What?!"

"I know you've showed me before," Ajak murmured, tapping and pressing on various parts of her phone screen. "Oh, wait."

"No, Mother, you-"

Ajak looked up as Thena's fussing only got her encased in Gil's arms again. His embrace weighed down Thena against him, letting him nuzzle his face closer to hers again.

Thena heard Ajak squeak in delight. Perhaps it was just as well her face was being pushed into Gil's side again, having started to become engulfed in warmth.

"Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going," Ajak practically giggled. She moved lightly, pausing only to pull the throw over the back of the couch over them.

Thena glared at her mother. "If you use that as a background I will-"

"Hush, Thena, don't want to wake Gil," Ajak cut her off, blowing kisses to them both as she finally bounded upstairs.

Thena pressed her face into Gil's chest one more time. She had to find a way to delete that picture from her mother's phone, and maybe from the face of the earth.