#but i'm just fucking tired of dealing with skin issues

[callmemajo]

Can you believe that today i received an email telling me i got accepted to a master's program at an Australian university and all i could think about all day was how much i hate my skin because my dermatitis is flaring up again

[running-in-the-dark]

went to bed early and woke up before 8am today! pretty cool. except I woke up with a bad headache and eventually had a very long nap.

I'm just so damn tired! like, no matter how much or how well or when I sleep, I'm still tired all day. so it's just pointless trying to fix my sleep schedule (when I'll just be asleep most of the day anyway).

[brazilian-vampyra]

♱ NEEDING SOME LOVE? ｡ﾟ ♡

(english)

⋆ ִֶָ ๋ ✮⋆ synopsis: you are a succubus and offers affection after jjk men pass or are in stressful situations.

⋆ ִֶָ ๋ ✮⋆ characters: ryomen sukuna, gojo satoru, geto suguru, toji fushiguro, choso kamo, nanami kento.

⋆ ִֶָ ๋ ✮⋆ warnings: strong language, rough sex, unprotected sex, praising kink, hair pulling, degradation kink, oral (both receiving), fem!dom, male!dom, creampie, nipple play, teasing, love bites, needy behavior.

⭑ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎 ⭑

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄 was tired. He was hella tired.

Some time ago, Kento decided to give up his life as an office worker and put into practice everything he had learned at Jujutsu High. Enduring Gojo Satoru shouting in his ear like he did in high school was the worst of the problems, the big "x" of the issue now was dealing with the curses that arrived in the city.

Sukuna's return seemed to have brought a streak of bad luck to everyone else, and it stressed him, God, how it stressed him.

He had fought against a curse called "Mahito". He was all patched up, had blue hair, was tough and very ironic, the kind that brags about their deplorable exploits. His stupid actions meant that Nanami had to spend more time at work, as he was going to finish his shift at 6 p.m., but Mahito was persistent and stupid, forcing him to work overtime.

He left office life so he could stop working like a convict, and now he was forced to work overtime because of this stupid curse?

It's incredibly disrespectful.

He arrived at the apartment tired, just thinking about taking a relaxing shower and sleeping. Maybe this vacation to Malaysia should be brought forward.

He unlocked the main door and when he entered, he turned on the orange lamp next to it, casting dim light across the room. He was already loosening his tie and muttering some swear words when he came across a peculiar figure on the sofa. You were lying on your side, resting your face in your hand, looking at him with a mischievous smile and slightly shaking your tail.

The tail, as well as the horns and wings were part of your real form, but you made them disappear to be more comfortable sometimes.

━━ What are you doing in my house? — the blonde questioned, without paying much attention to you.

━━ You know how it is, no big deal... — you slid onto the couch. ━━ Just checking if my favorite blonde is okay...

━━ I am very well.

You giggled indiscreetly.

━━ You seem stressed to me...

━━ I can ease my stress on my own, I don't need another curse bothering me today.

You got up from the couch, walking over to him with a hand on your chest, pretending to be offended.

━━ Aww, too bad. I'm not a curse, you know this... — you said, making your most fantasy features disappear, looking like a normal human. ━━ Are you going to treat me like that night was nothing?

He grunted, taking off his tie to make himself more comfortable.

━━ It was a dream. A fucking dream.

━━ It wasn't a dream... — you teased. ━━ But I agree with you on the fucking part. Wow, we fucked so much!

You kept remembering about it, with a mischievous smile on your lips.

━━ What did you come for, you devil? Feed? If so, I'm tired, I don't have any energy to give you.

Well, that's the truth. Succubus feeds on a person's vital energy through sex.

━━ Do I look evil, Kento? I'm here to take care of you. You let me feed myself, I think it's fair that I take care of you.

You took a hand to the blonde's defined jaw and slid your fingers over his skin, watching as he shivered.

━━ You'll see... I can wash your hair... — you took one of his hands and brought it to your face, so he could feel your warm cheek. ━━ Kiss your pretty lips and we can explore each other's bodies, so you will sleep very happy afterwards. Don't you think you need some love?

His mischievous smile was a beautiful invitation. And the blonde gave in to the temptation and desire you emanated. You calmly convinced him, and now you were in the bathroom, in the shower, moaning and feeling the warm water slide over your skin. Nanami's strong body hugged yours from behind, while his hands were covered in liquid soap with passion fruit and chamomile essences.

His huge hands slid over your wet skin and went to your breasts, playing with your nipples between his index and middle fingers; giving you an awesome stimulation.

You could feel his hips grinding against your ass and his cock slides through your tight insides, giving you as much pleasure as you were giving him. The blonde's deep moans were close to your ear, making you bite your lower lip. Your hands were on the blue tiled wall, providing you with some support as he delighted in your body.

━━ I told you... you would be happier- ugh, fuck...

━━ I think you're right, I can't resist that fucking pussy... — he kissed your shoulder. ━━ Goddamn, if these curses keep stressing me out I'm going to need you every week...

━━ I'll always be here for you, darling... — you smiled, biting your bottom lip and brought a hand up to his wet blonde hair, while his lips were on your shoulder, tasting your wet skin. ━━ Every time you need... to give you the sweetest dreams ever.

[...]

⭑ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 ⭑

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 can be irritated and stressed, like ordinary people. With Sukuna's return, there were other curses with Kenjaku causing problems, such as a stranger called Jogo. They didn't seem like a big problem, nothing he couldn't handle, but it was certainly something that would irritate him and require more strength and patience.

He had to balance this with his teaching duties and training the host of the king of curses, Yuji Itadori.

Sometimes Satoru fantasizes about what his life would be like without the responsibility of being a special grade sorcerer. Maybe he could be like most who don't have to worry about literally being humanity's last hope if the curses ever want to claim dominance again.

He had lost his best friend a few years ago, and it still hurt him. He had to take care of Yuji, Megumi and Nobara, as well as put up with hearing shit from other elitist sorcerers.

All of this made Satoru frustrated.

This caused erotic dreams to happen with a certain frequency, and the figure that satisfied him was you, a succubus. You're wrong if you think that your relationship with the most powerful sorcerer was just sex, nothing like that, you also talked a few times, flirted and even saw each other in real life.

At that point, you could already consider each other very close.

Now he had arrived home and removed the bandage that covered his vibrant blue eyes.

━━ I know you are here, sweetie.

He hadn't turned on any lights yet, but then you emerged from the shadows when he turned on the yellow lights in the living room. The lights were in a weaker tone, precisely so that he could be more relaxed and rest, providing a cozy atmosphere.

You were wearing a button-down shirt he had. A long-sleeved white shirt that had a few buttons lazily closed. Your thighs were bare, your smooth skin perfectly visible and your seductive scent carried far and wide. Your horns were not visible, nor were your wings or tail.

He went feral just by seeing this.

━━ I can see in those pretty eyes how tired you are... — you walked closer to him, hugging his neck affectionately. ━━ Wanna tell me what happened?

A muffled laugh echoed between you, a laugh coming from him before he slid his tongue across his lower lip gently.

━━ It's amazing how you always come up with the right words, and that lovely voice... — he wrapped his arms around your waist. ━━ It doesn't even feel like you're here with the purpose of sucking me dry.

You laughed at the audacity of the perfect white-haired sorcerer's words.

━━ Do you think I'm a mercenary who only cares about your life energy, Satoru? What we have is special... — you looked at him with your best puppy eyes.

He smiled happily upon hearing this.

━━ Don't you think you're needing some love, handsome?

You looked at him with your pink eyes, like a shining gemstone. Glowing with lust.

Gojo's response was his lips immediately being pressed against yours. His warm tongue slid against yours, allowing you to taste the mint gum he had been chewing all day. His hands held and squeezed your waist, making you moan against his lips, and he bit your lower lip lightly.

When you realized, you were on his bed. Your clothes were making a trail that led from the living room to the bedroom, and your bodies were sweaty on the sheets. You were on your side, with your head on the pillow, feeling one of Satoru's hands squeezing your breasts while the other held your thigh, slightly raised so that he could thrust his hips with precision against you.

The blue-eyed man bit your neck a little between kisses, probably leaving your skin marked, but he liked it. He liked to have the feeling that you were his.

━━ This pussy calms me down in a way... — he moaned, never stopping moving his hips against you, making the sound of your bodies echo throughout the room. ━━ It's like it was made for me...

━━ Take it easy, love... — you gripped the sheets tightly, feeling his body against yours as your vision was clouded with pleasure. ━━ Or you'll get addicted...

━━ Fucking hell, I already am... — hearing him go crazy was priceless. ━━ I need that damn pussy sliding on my cock every night...

[...]

⭑ 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐎 ⭑

𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 that even though it was half a curse, the human feelings of this man who was almost two hundred years old were the strongest. He — who had exhausted eyes — was lost among difficult and confused thoughts.

His current mental state lived up to his appearance. He was as worn out as his eyelids and his dark circles. The physical and mental exhaustion of the blood handler was increasingly evident, he no longer knew what to do. He had constant and massive existential crises, which made his head scream.

Being by Kenjaku's side felt right, but something in him told him that wasn't the only option he had. Halloween was coming, the coup in Shibuya was going to happen and Choso only thought about running out of there and never coming back, evaporating like water in a hot pot of rice. But on the other hand, he must avenge the death of his brothers.

Why did life have to be so difficult?

He entered the room, throwing himself on the bed and burying his face in a pillow as he sighed heavily and tried to clear his thoughts. That was when a shiver ran down his spine and he looked at an armchair next to him.

There you were, with your horns and wings and your tail, slowly swaying back and forth like a cat.

━━ Hi, baby.

You smiled and waved calmly at him.

━━ W-Who are you? What are you doing here?

━━ Oh, don't you know who I am? — You were surprised. ━━ Well, let me put on a friendlier appearance to talk to you then.

In the blink of an eye your mystical features disappeared.

━━ Better, right?

You fixed your hair softly.

━━ I'm a succubus, by the look on your face I can assume you've never met one, right?

He nodded shyly.

━━ Well, Choso... I noticed you're so stressed. So tired, so depressed... — you walked over to the bed, running your hands through his silky hair. ━━ That brought me here.

━━ Can I assume you want to kill me...?

You laughed at the man's naivety.

━━ Kill you? No, no. Why would I kill such an adorable guy like you? — he was so adorable and cute. ━━ All I need is a little bit of your life energy, and don't worry, you'll recover in time.

━━ And how do I give it to you?

━━ You'll have to cum for me.

His pale cheeks turned red like ripe strawberries.

━━ W-What!?

━━ Feeding me during sex is the best option, and the best thing is that it doesn't hurt you either... — your hot pink eyes glowed at him, in a tone of eloquent desire. ━━ Don't you think you need some love, baby?

Yes, Choso had to assume that this was the best option for him at the moment. He might have to give you some of his life energy, but at the same time he would be rewarded for it. He was a bit inexperienced, and he didn't hide it — maybe he couldn't even try to hide it.

While you were kissing, he ended up asking to taste your pussy. That was the most promiscuous and shy request a man had ever made to you, two extremes at once. He accepted, and now he was eating you out with a desire that not even an extremely experienced man had ever eaten. His eyes were closed, his hands were squeezing your thighs and his face was buried between your legs.

The desire left him intoxicated, too focused on making you feel good.

Your legs were draped over his shoulders and you held onto his beautiful dark hair, squeezing it every now and then just out of sheer will, as you let him dictate at his own pace. Kamo's tongue slid inside you and his lips worked together to make you moan more and more.

At that point he couldn't take it anymore. The noticeable erection inside his pants was making that piece of clothing tighter and tighter, and if you kept moaning like that while he tasted you, he would probably end up cumming in his boxers. It had been a long time since he had tasted pussy this sweet, and now he felt like he was being bewitched or something.

━━ Hmm... you're so sweet, hm... — he kept eating.

━━ Such a good boy, you're doing well... — looked down, seeing his lips on your soaked sex. ━━ Don't be shy, rub your face on it...

Without even blinking, he held your thighs tighter and rubbed his face against your pussy, making you moan loudly and grip his hair tighter. That was unexpected, as you didn't expect to be dealing with a man who would obey so much.

Choso Kamo is indeed a good boy.

[...]

⭑ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 ⭑

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐍 was far from being a bed of roses. Unlike what is shown in movies or comics, it is a sad, strange life with a growing sense of death because at any moment there could be a sniper waiting for you. Or another hitman who was hired to kill you as personal revenge for some of your work.

It was no different for Toji, who had to kill people almost every day.

The smell of iron coming from the blood was no longer something he found strange, as it was like smelling the good smell of a disinfectant or a perfume that was pleasant. Most of his clothes were black, just so he wouldn't worry about blood stains, his house didn't have light-colored carpets, precisely so that he wouldn't have to do such intense cleaning if blood leaked through a trash bag.

He lived in an extremely simple apartment, in a suburban neighborhood where the rent was very cheap.

Perhaps if his gambling addiction hadn't consumed him, he might have been in a better situation, as he was paid very well for his services. It was no surprise, after all Toji is a professional at what he does.

Today he was hired to kill an extremely important man, and he was protected by some very experienced and strong sorcerers, that was a lot of work and Toji got hurt a little. Now he had taken a cold shower and put on black sweatpants, lying down on the double bed in that small room, lit by the orange light from the streetlight that invaded through the window.

You teleported to his bed, laying down next to him.

Upon smelling her sweet scent entering his nostrils, Fushiguro wrapped a strong arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

━━ I was already thinking about summoning you, my little devil...

His deep voice shook your bones, reverberating on it.

━━ Missing me, my love? — you teased.

━━ Always, honey.

━━ Had a bad day?

━━ Bad as fuck, but now I have you here.

━━ I think you're needing some love, don't you agree? — you turned to him, smiling mischievously and running a hand over the scar he had on his lip.

━━ I need all the love in the world right now.

And so you started kissing. It was an intense kiss, with a lot of desire and lust as your tongues touched and he grunted against your mouth. His kiss always seemed to take the air out of you, leaving you shocked at how good he felt.

Toji Fushiguro is ridiculously good in bed.

Right now, he was reminding you why he's the best you've ever had. This man was fucking you in a deliciously sinful mating press, holding your thighs as his green eyes were locked on yours and he was thrusting his hips against you like there's no tomorrow.

Fucking looking into the eyes was something so intimate and serious that you had never done with anyone; Toji could consider himself a big important milestone in your centuries-old succubus life.

━━ So fuckin' good f'me... — he was going crazy, just like you.

It felt strangely good, feeling him thrusting while you were stuffed. This man had already come and was still hard and needy for more, so much so that some of his hot cum was dripping down your poor little hole.

━━ You're such a whore, aren't you? This pussy is dripping and you still want more...

You smiled mischievously, biting your bottom lip and looking at him.

━━ What can I do? You're irresistible...

[...]

⭑ 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 ⭑

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐒 was not satisfied with his concubines.

Yes, you did not read it wrong. No, that wasn't a doubt, it was an affirmation.

You, like a good succubus, had been watching him from the shadows for a while, because after all, his life seemed to be extremely interesting. Realized from the beginning that he had four concubines, all of them beautiful, with the most different bodies, different shapes. Always dressed in flashy lingerie and wearing jewelry.

But somehow, he no longer looked at them with that hunger and desire he had at first. You wonder why?

The truth is that there was no answer to this notorious question. He had probably just lost interest in them or sex in general for a while because of the problems that were plaguing him. After all, he is the king.

With this in mind, you decided to pay a visit to the lonely king.

You entered his throne room, wearing beautiful red lingerie, adorned with some rubies, which framed your curves very well. Your soft skin was completely exposed and you made a point of letting your perfume emanate far away, as well as your pheromones.

━━ Sukuna... long time no see.

You teased him, laughing softly. You never had to bow to him, he "forgave" your audacity.

━━ Little brat... can I know why are you bothering me?

━━ I came to offer you help.

━━ Help?

━━ I noticed you don't care about your concubines anymore... from afar I feel your dissatisfaction.

He laughed mischievously, in his classic way.

━━ And what did you come here for? Apply to replace one of them?

━━ Sukuna, speaking like that, it seems like you don't know me — you made a subtle gesture with your hand. ━━ I just came here to propose a deal.

━━ What type of deal?

━━ You give me some of your vital energy and I give you pleasure...

He would have said "yes" right away the way he was, but playing hard to get was part of his personality.

━━ What makes you think I would accept this deal?

You smiled mischievously and began to crawl towards him, slowly climbing the steps that led to his throne at the top. Like a cat, it crawls slowly until it reaches the ball of yarn.

━━ Oh, my king... — you knew how to play dirty. ━━ I was watching you the whole time, I can see how frustrated you are.

You rested your head on his thigh, covered by the white kimono.

━━ You're needing some love, my dear...

And he agreed to this deal the right way. You knew you would have to put up with all the brutality of the king of curses, and you were willing to do that, especially because he didn't go beyond the limits, but he really was remarkable.

The white kimono he was wearing was already open, exposing his beautiful body with the marks that were his striking feature. You were kneeling right in front of him, while he held your hair and moaned, with his eyes closed and tilting his head back. Your mouth slid over his huge cock, feeling how his precum slid over your tongue every time you played with his sensitive, pink tip.

Sukuna's moans were as profane as his dark, morbid nature.

But they were truly a pleasure to listen to, and they were so good that it was making your thin panties weat with your desire, which ran down your slits as you used your mouth on him.

━━ F-Fuck... what a good fucking slut you are... — he pulled your hair.

You gagged on his cock a few times. Which was completely acceptable since he was indeed huge.

You were still going to have a lot of fun in that room, you couldn't even imagine that you could fuck in as many positions as he was going to fuck you on that throne.

[...]

⭑ 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔 ⭑

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 was on the verge of going crazy.

Summer was a difficult season, as curses were everywhere and spread like plagues. In fact, the heat was so intense that it could kill the curses on its own, but he, as a sorcerer, had the obligation to act against them.

All that stress was already becoming unbearable, Suguru was already one step away from freaking out and killing everything and everyone in sight — whether it was a curse or not. He no longer cared about anything, and only thought about how complicated his life was and that maybe he wished he could have been born without this gift, so that he could do what "normal people" do.

Fortunately, or unfortunately for the man with long dark hair, you already had an eye on everything. I analyzed him from afar at various times, and thought about when would be the right time to approach him. You heard that he had been having these outbursts since Jujutsu High, now he was an adult and was still trying to control himself for not causing a giant disgrace.

Now he was on the balcony of his bedroom, it was a moonlit, starry and hot night.

His hair was tied up at the top and loose at the bottom, so he felt a little fresher. He was only wearing gray boxers and had picked up a cigarette, when he was about to light it, he noticed that he had lost the lighter.

━━ I always leave it here on the balcony table...

He muttered to himself.

━━ Looking for this?

He heard an unfamiliar female voice behind him and immediately looked to see what it was about. It was you, you were there looking at him like a predator looks at its prey, with your hot pink eyes.

━━ Don't get closer, or I-...

━━ What? Are you gonna eat me? — you teased, while holding his lighter. ━━ I mean, depending on how it goes, I accept it...

━━ Who are you?

You took the cigarette from his hand, politely asking "excuse me", and brought it to your lips, lighting it with the lighter and inhaling the smoke before bringing it to his lips. Suguru should assume that was a very sensual thing to watch, more so than he would like to admit.

You introduced yourself, saying your name to him and offering a gentle smile.

━━ Are you a curse? — he was smoking his cigarette calmly. ━━ I can feel your cursed energy.

━━ Succubus and incubus are not curses, but we have cursed energy.

━━ Then why are you here? I don't think I have anything that interests you, except my skills.

━━ I think your skills are formidable, but I don't want them, don't worry — you leaned over the balcony and took the cigarette from his lips, smoking it before giving it back. ━━ I want something else, and it can help you.

━━ I'm listening.

━━ I want to have sex with you.

Suguru almost choked on his own smoke at that moment. A creature appeared on his bedroom balcony in the middle of a summer night and suddenly said it wanted to have sex with him? That's weird.

━━ Sorry, I'm usually pretty straight to the point, haha.

━━ Can you explain? — he was recovering from his surprised cough.

━━ I feed on vital energy, and I need yours. Don't worry, I won't take everything, and you will recover pretty quickly because of your cursed energy level.

━━ What do I get from that?

━━ I have been watching you during this time, I know you are stressed and exhausted from having to deal with curses. So... I can make you feel good, really good, trust me...

━━ I won't sell myself for lust, not even if... holy shit.

While he was talking, you took off the thin t-shirt you were wearing and left your breasts exposed, leaving now only your denim mini skirt.

━━ C'mon, Suguru... don't you think you deserve some love? — you told him, in your seductive way.

The answer after that was clearly yes, and he buried the cigarette in the ashtray before kissing your lips eagerly and holding you in his arms, dragging you to the bed. Even though you had just met, it wasn't difficult for you to find the harmony between your bodies because somehow, you had the perfect fit.

You told the sorcerer that he just needed to let you ride him so he could be calm and sleep happily. He didn't think twice before accepting the proposal, and now you were there, in his lap.

Geto was lying down, with his eyes closed and moaning slyly while keeping his hands on your hips. You kept your weight on your knees, resting on the mattress as you moved your hips up and down, feeling your pussy milking his cock. His fingerprints would stay on your hot skin for a long time, you never wanted to forget this.

He looked beautiful with his hair messy like that, begging for more and being sensitive.

━━ W-What kind of black magic is this? W-What are you doing to me? — he moaned frantically. ━━ Oh my fucking God... that's so perfect...

You giggled mischievously as you continued moaning and said in your most promiscuous tone:

━━ I put a spell on you... — you brought a hand to his face, sliding it across his lower lip. ━━ Because you're mine...

[...]

۰ ࣪📂 ٬٬ 𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: maybe it's a random topic but i was fantasizing about it one day and decided to write :) everything was written by me, don't take it as yours or get inspired without giving credit.

[luveline]

Congrats on 40k Jade! Also hi, I hope you're having a great day (I'm really nervous this is my first time sending in a request I'm so sorry if I sound weird)

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —send me a hurt/comfort request for any reader and any character and I'll write a ficlet, 2k or less

Can I request a reader that has a bit of a temper and got told that no one would like her because of it so she's a bit insecure about herself? My favourite character is James so maybe with him or with Remus whichever you prefer (and they reassure her and it's awesome because your writing is just so awesome)

Congrats again <3

luveline's 40k party ☆ thank you so much, you didn't sound weird at all dw ♡ fem!reader

The day has been long, your feet dragging up the steps to Remus' flat. His door sticks and the only radiator that doesn't need bleeding is the one in his bedroom, so it's cold, and you're irked. You kick out of your pinching shoes and hang your jacket up, which falls on the floor. You pick it up and it falls again. Huffing, you put it on the sideboard and trudge down the hallway to Remus bedroom. 

"Hello, my lovely," he says without looking up. 

There's a notebook in his lap. He's wearing his reading glasses. If you were in a better mood you'd try to distract him by laying across his thighs. As it stands, you're fucking exhausted. You flop down in his bed and curl towards him where he's sitting against the headboard. 

"Tired?" he asks. 

"Mm." Tired isn't the right word, but the right word makes people cringe at you. 

Today has been awful and you hate the part of you that wants to rail about it. You can't help how you feel; this anger glows molten. It makes you hate yourself, which irks you worse. You grab one of his pillows and pull it against your chest to squeeze it until your arms hurt. 

"Bad day?" he asks, pen scratching.

You exhale. "A bit," you say into the pillowcase. 

"Sorry, dovey," he says. There's the sound of paper leaves catching against one another and the clink of a pen put away. "What did you say? I needed to finish writing that edit down before I forgot."

You're not mad at him in particular but your voice comes out tightly strung anyhow, "I said it was a bit of a bad day."

Remus hears your tone and refuses to skirt around the issue. Not from a want to be confrontational, but a direct way of going about things. "What, are you mad at me?" 

"No," you say, turning away from him. 

"You seem mad." 

"I think I am." 

"Well, now you don't sound mad," he says, dipping down to talk into the back of your neck. "Now you sound upset. Have I upset you?" 

"No, Remus," you say. Mad to sad to mad again, your shoulder and spine ache with rigidity. 

All his questions didn't make you mad, but you were mad to begin with, and so what might usually be very normal turns to irritating. In the moment, you've no hope of controlling it, and, not wanting to further subject Remus to any misdirected annoyance, you shuffle out of his reach. "I just need a minute," you say. 

Remus is used to your temper, though you often worry he'll grow tired of you and your big moods and throw in the towel. You count useless numbers in your head and curl your fists into balls until your bones feel like they're too big for your skin, wanting to deal with it alone. 

A minute or two later and Remus reaches for your side. "I was trying to lighten the mood, and it wasn't my best work," he says, tip of his thumb drawing semi circles into your shirt. 

Remus taking the blame for your emotions has you frowning, rabbit-holing into twisting thoughts. He's always been good for you and good to you, accepting of your short fuse. He's not always sunshine and lollipops himself. But, he's not angry half as often as you are. Does that bother him? People have said to you before that your temper will be the ruining of a good thing, that Remus won't want to deal with it. And it makes sense. 

You don't want to deal with it either. You don't really feel like you have much choice when it comes to being mad. 

"Sorry," you mumble. 

Mattress springs groan as he leverages himself closer to you. Familiar, his hand sneaks under your shirt to tickle the soft roll of your stomach. He draws a slow and winding line with no end nor goal in mind, uncaring of the pouch you get laying down. Remus doesn't really care about anything that could be marked superficial. It's one of the many reasons that he's markedly the best person you know; he loves everything that you hate about yourself without hesitation. Like your anger. 

"Do you want to set a rule?" he asks. 

"Pardon?"

"Humour me. Let's make a condition before we have this conversation." Remus stops drawing to slide his hand between your hip and the mattress, hugging you to him. "I'll assume you're not mad at me even if you sound angry, and you can assume I don't mind." 

"Do you mind?" you ask. 

"Well, I don't love when you're angry, but I know it isn't at me so it won't matter." 

Reassured enough to face him, you meet his eyes. 

"I know I have a tendency to make it sound like I'm angry at you when I'm really mad at someone else," you say. 

"That's not true. And I ask, don't I? If I think you're mad at me?" Remus' already dulcet voice drops to a murmur, words said slowly and with as much care as a person can put into words alone, "I don't know why you feel like you're such a bad person for being angry." 

"Because it's all the time," you say. Your throat burns with the effort that it takes to stay intelligible. 

"It's not all the time." 

"It's often, and it's not fair to you." 

"It's not fair to take it out on other people, and I promise you I'd let you know if you were doing that. So… could you just tell me why you're mad? Without worrying I'll take it personally." 

"It's not about taking it personally, I don't want you to take it personally, but it's just– it's just ugly, isn't it?" 

Remus frowns. "Honestly? I don't think so. You have to be angry sometimes. Everyone gets angry and those feelings need somewhere to go, or it'll eat you up inside and make you bitter instead. Like… okay, he'll forgive me for telling you this, but Sirius used to get into these awful angry tirades where he'd shout at nothing, you know? And I hated seeing him do it, but I wasn't sitting there thinking he was ugly for it. I just kind of hated that something was able to occupy him so heavily. And that's how I feel about it when it happens to you, dove." 

"He used to?" you ask, the bridge of your nose flat to his knee. 

"Yeah, he did." Remus pushes your shoulder flat to the bed beneath you and leans in to give you a kiss. The corner of your mouth takes the brunt of it. 

"Did you kiss him like this, or–" 

Remus laughs and hugs you, "A discussion for another day," he murmurs. He gives you a last kiss and squeeze and then sits up. "So shout at me." 

"I don't want to shout at you." 

"You know what I mean. Tell me what pissed you off today." 

"Are you sure?" you ask. 

"Yeah, I'm sure, I like the way your eyes look anyways, when you get riled up." Remus finds your hand to hold. "Tell me, dove. I'll be angry with you."

[kaysithekoolest]

Macho Man...

Gambit/Remy LeBeau x male reader

Handjob, semi-public, dirty talk, Top Gambit, cum eating (?) (I suck at tagging shit)

With the appearance of a cocky new X-Men, of course rumors were to come about. The only issue is when those rumors have to do with an already existing Cajun member. Even worse if they are false accusations of his private life...

The inability to sleep plagued many X-Men, even in the comfort of the dorms at the X-Mansion. You were no exception, and even despite it being around one thirty a.m. you still couldn't sleep, wide awake but tired. And it didn't help that you were completely parched. So you promptly pushed yourself out of bed, it wasn't like you were going to get to sleep soon anyhow.

You tried your best to Quietly pad down the hall and then the stairs to the kitchen. You really didn't want to wake anyone, or disturb others who were still awake. You looked around the kitchen when your feet finally hit the cold wood of the floor. A simple cup of water should do the trick and solve the problem of your dry throat. You tried to quickly open the cupboard and retrieve a soft red plastic cup. Most and widely considered all of the cups were plastic or something simple since glass was so easily broken by other mutants. You yourself and even had to learn that the hard way. It was like a right of passage, an unpleasant one. You just filled the red cup with water from the tap, not really caring how good or healthy it was for you at that moment. And decided to throw a few ice cubes in because why not? You filled the tray back up, sliding it into its place in the freezer before finally taking a nice long refreshing sip from your cup. And while it may have just been tap water in a plastic bag with a few ice cubes, it was the most refreshing thing you had in hours. And the tiles of the kitchen also kept the area cool.

A hum from the other side of the kitchen startled you, almost spilling the water in the red plastic cup in your hands. “Mon chére, Good to see you here… I needed to talk t' ya anyway.” A smooth Cajun accent cooed. A shiver ran down your spine, you knew what he was talking about. Being a newer X-Men meant you wanted to make a name for yourself (pun intended). So why disrupt the rumor that you were topping the charismatic Louisiana man? But it wasn't such a good idea to agree and add to those rumors, now was it? The dim light from above the sink aluminates Remy’s form. He was dressed in next to nothing, which was understandable due to the heat, seemingly only sweatpants he cut just above the knee himself. You could even see his hair shine a little with sweat, and it added a glossy shine to the rest of his visible skin, your eyes trailed over his body. “What’s wrong, Macho Man? Don't think ya can handle little ol' Gambit, anymore?” He cooed mockingly as he cornered you against the kitchen island. “Remy…” His name came out as barely a breath. “That was just…” You paused, unsure if you should double down or just give up. You took a deep breath, straightening up and puffing out your chest a little. “It's not like I couldn't handle you. I could fuck you brainless if I wanted to.” You shot back confidently, a grin tugging at your lips now. Remy tilted his head at your cocky demeanor, but the Cajun was always two steps ahead. “Then give it a go, (Name)... Come on, I'm sure ya could handle me.” He backed you against the quartz kitchen island too, the edge dug into the flesh of your hips, rubbing uncomfortably against the bone there.

You hadn't expected what came next, most because you were what was about to cum. (I couldn't resist a play on words) Remy’s hands, rough from years of thievery, dealing cards, and training with the X-Men reached down, and gave your cock a quick squeeze through your thin night shorts. You let out a loud involuntary moan, quickly made embarrassed and terrified someone might've heard and woke up. “Not so confident now, are we, Petit (Name)..?” Remy said with a cocky and arrogant tone. Your hand went down to grip his wrist as he kept stroking you through your pants. You bite your lips, to keep quiet, not wanting to be caught. Now the pressure from being pushed up against the island seemed forgotten. He leaned in closer, his warm bare chest now pressing against yours. Remy’s hot breath was fanning across your already flushed skin. “Admit it, you're a whore for Remy’s touch. You need someone to guide you.” He growled huskily against the flesh of your ear, nipping at the skin under your ear. His pace sped up and your grip on him tightened. Pathetic whimpers escaped from your clenched lips. It wasn't the type of noise you were proud of. Not the type of noise a dominant man would make. “God damn you, Rem...” You cursed him in a moan, your hips bucked against his hand. “Ah, chere… What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? I thought you were the one makin’ Gambit lose his breath?” He cooed sarcastically into your ear, his hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin. You throbbed in his firm grip, almost cumming undone as the pad of his thumb swiped over the sensitive skin of your tip. "You gonna come undone for the man you're s'posed to be toppin'?" Remy's accent rasped against the flushed skin of your ear. The hot knot in the bottom of your stomach snapped as your cock twitched, the thick white liquid spewing from your reddened tip. "Remy, yo- Goddamn it!" You cursed him, knowing if anyone else was awake they had heard you. But you were quickly distracted as your body felt like static and you were thankful Remy had you pinned up against the counter. Your nails had dug deeply into the warm flesh of Remy's strong bicep. And you could barely let go as your vision came back. Remy chuckled cruelly, well you knew it wasn't cruel but it felt so after the cocky just made you cum your brains out. "You're good for a midnight snack..." He hummed sensually as he brought his cum covered fingers to his lips. His pink tongue peeked out from his lips, and ran over his fingers, collecting the salty white liquid on his tongue as shallowing it. If you hadn't just cum, you might've gotten hard again immediately. "You couldn't have just..." You paused, taking a moment to catch your breath. "Just told everyone you were a top? You had to ring me out?" You managed to pant out. This only made the Cajun man grinned. "Well for that sass, maybe I'll just finish myself off, mr (Name)..." Remy cooed, making you look down to the outline of his boner. You felt a little guilty for forgetting the pleasure of your boyfriend but he had also just cleared your mind of any thoughts. "Please, Remy..." You pleaded, you needed that cock to milk your prostate. You had basically given up your macho act. "Maybe if you beg some more, Gambit will think 'bout it..." He purred sensually against your ear, pulling your still clenched hand to ghost over his chubbed cock. You knew tonight was going to be long and hot. Maybe you should goat more often....

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

You know, if I have to read another take or fic that treats Ed ordering that racist French captain skinned with the snail fork as proof of Ed's anger issues, or, somehow bizarrely commonly, has Stede talk down to him about it, I'm gonna lose it. Both Ed and Stede indirectly cause some pretty major violence in s1e5, but only Ed's seems to be proof of a violent nature. Strange.

And I'm honestly a bit tired of talking around this, because when you look at what some portions of this fandom can excuse and what they can't, it becomes very obvious how this is really just a racism problem. I mean, in this episode:

Ed responds to racist abuse by ordering the French captain killed. It's in the context of him having already given the captain a chance to back the fuck off ("what's that supposed to mean," said very calmly considering we all know what "your kind" means), has to visibly hype himself up to start yelling, and is responding to being called a donkey. It's vile and Ed deserves to be upset, not to mention he knows he can't just let that slide when senior crew members like Fang are right there watching. Ed is visibly upset and shaken by this whole situation and what he thinks it says about him as a person.

Stede, upon learning that the party guests were cruel to Ed (in a passive-aggressive but undoubtedly racist way), is angry on his behalf, and also wants to retaliate, just as Ed did earlier. It's sweet that he's defending Ed, but this is surely also personal for Stede, who felt mocked and belittled earlier and has had to deal with a lifetime of that. We see the results of Stede's playing the crowd here, with the boat burning in the background and the screams of people jumping out into the open sea, and Stede is also visibly pretty stoked about the whole thing.

There's no way around it, I think: we have been conditioned to think it's morally superior for someone to "turn the other cheek" and "be the bigger person" in the face of racist abuse, and Ed doesn't do that, so that's why this is still such a big issue for some people. When Ed gets upset again at the party, unlike earlier when Stede was put off by Ed ordering the captain skinned, Stede validates his feelings and is the one to respond, and that's the difference in reactions, I think. In the second case, Stede has validated Ed's anger and pain - Ed's feelings have gotten White Permission to exist.

OFMD does something really very unusual in the current media landscape, and that's how it treats racism in itself as violence. It doesn't expect characters to look away, turn the other cheek, or try to make amends with racists when they're cruel to them. And the only problem here wrt Ed is that some viewers of the show, bringing in the biases of the society we live in, will get uncomfortable when Ed acts in accordance with the show's philosophy - it doesn't matter that Stede is much more gleeful about being the one to respond in a similar situation, it matters that Ed is brown, and we therefore expect him to have to put up racist abuse. The show doesn't ask us to pass judgment on Ed in this episode, and I think that if you're automatically more inclined to believe Stede's actions more "reasonable" and "justified" than Ed's, you just might need to unpack that.

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Shared Interests [Pt.4]

Daryl Dixon x Reader | SMUT 🔞 [Pt.1] [Pt.3]

Lily grows strong and you only get sadder, but Daryl helps in making it all good, but then you run into your past.

With the party over and everyone awake you spent your morning hanging out and chatting at the kitchen table. The conversations ranged from everything to nothing, just like you preferred early morning talks.

The brothers Dixon enjoyed their coffee while you sipped tea and played with Lily who's energy levels were all the way up.

Merle left as the morning passed, leaving you and Daryl to do some after party cleanup until you ended on the couch, tired but happy. "Glad ya ended up throwin' tha party after all?" A raised brow look was sent your way, smirking as he knew he was right in convincing you to invite the pack again. "Your family is great, hun. But we already knew that."

You slumped against him, enjoying his warmth. He was always so warm compared to you, who was always cold.

Daryl could feel your mood drop and pulled you into his lap. "Alright, spill. Wha's goin' on witcha?" His arms wrapped around you so you had no chance to get away from him.

"I'm tired. Always cold. I miss the wolf blood properties. My boobs are sore from Lily's teeth." You rambled on, letting all the frustrations out while Daryl soothed you, trying to give you some words of comfort but eventually settling on a deal.

"Ya know what? If yer bein' sad don't fade in a coupl'a months we can have another pup, yeah?" You smiled up at him, agreeing with his plan.

But even with the efforts to work around the issues of your permanently tired, sore self the sadness never faded. Daryl felt it too. He spent nights trying to drown out your loud internal struggles. He wasn't going to give in, he had to wait it out just like you did.

But with Lily being almost four months old now he felt you had tried long enough.

You slept early, putting Lily to bed before hiding away under the covers but Daryl had enough of it. He followed you upstairs and watched you be the softest momma to Lily and then joined you in bed.

"Daryl? It's so early." You wondered if he wasn't feeling alright for a second before dismissing that thought. Werewolves didn't get sick.

"S'early, yeah. So why're ya goin' ta bed?" Daryl mimicked all your steps, getting out of his clothes and getting under the covers with you. "C'mere. M'makin' ya a mommy again. Can't have ya always bein' sad 'n tired."

You turned to face him fully at his words. "Are you sure?"

Daryl only laughed at your sudden uncertainty. "M'a werewolf. If ya were one too ya'd be heavy with mah third litter by now."

His hand went to rest on your stomach before he flipped you over and trapped you underneath him. "M' gonna breed ya good. Just gotta keep quiet so ya won't wake Lily." His gravely voice melted away your sadness and replaced it with want. "I'll be good I promise." You felt him grin against your skin, his hands making quick work of getting your panties off and getting rid of his boxers. His already hard cock slipped between your thighs, his hips rutting against your ass. You were quickly reminded of his strength as he easily overpowered you, pressing you down into the mattress and slipping his thick length between your folds. He bottomed out in one smooth thrust, letting his feral side take over. "So sweet fer me baby." His fangs grazed your neck, right where he marked you and licked at the sensitive flesh making you moan out his name.

His claws dug into your hip and shoulder as he mercilessly fucked you until you were begging to cum, pressing your hips into his for more.

"P.. please.. Daryyyll~" your face was pressed into the pillows to muffle your sounds, but he heard your pleas and happily fucked you over the edge, finishing right after you.

Your body went limp on the bed, only startling back to life when you felt him twitch inside you. "Still hard?" You mumbled tiredly before hearing the unmistakable sound of him shifting. "Breed ya good." His distorted voice sent a rush of panic through you. The bed dipped further as his weight increased and the claws that held your hips grew.

"Hahh fuck pull out, Daryl!" His claws dug deeper into your hips as he held you pressed tight against him, his swelling cock easily tripling in size while still buried deep inside you.

Your lower body laid on the mattress as your hips were held up against him, drool dripping onto your back with his muzzle forming and started rocking his hips when his tail grew.

The sudden increase in size had you cry out into your pillow, the stretch burning and your hand moving down to feel at your belly that now protruded with the sheer size he was pumping in and out of you at an almost rude pace.

With his knot rubbing against your clit with each thrust you were soon coming around his cock.

And again after couple of thrusts.

Then three, four times before you were nothing more than a fucktoy for him to bury his knot into, pumping you so full of his seed you looked already pregnant by the time he laid down with you.

You were still passed out when Daryl shifted back during the night, the bedside lamp still on an casting a soft light over the room. He lifted the covers and took a peek at your sleeping form. Your shoulder had short dried cuts where his claws had dug into your skin and your hips were bruised and bloody too. He'd make sure to apologize in the morning, but for now some more sleep was the plan.

Until Lily awoke and started crying. It was only 7AM and Daryl woke up faster than you so he hopped out of bed, shimmied a pair of sweats on and went to calm his daughter.

As soon as he reached her bed he could sense what was going on with her. She'd shift soon. He held her close to his chest, rocking her softly and walking downstairs with her. He cooed at her and softly hummed a tune as he moved around the living room with her.

When you woke up you were alone in bed, feeling gross and sticky and in dire need of a quick shower. Except getting there turned out to be quite the challenge with sore legs and a busted hip. Every step felt like your knees creaked but the hot water quickly eased the pain. It did sting on the cuts, but that was less of a bother than scrubbing off your thighs and ass and everything in between covered in Daryl's dried cum.

Even touching your outer lips to clean had you wince thanks to last night's session.

Once you were clean and dry you threw on a loose hoodie and sweats and headed downstairs where you were met with Daryl who was walking back and forth along the couch, rocking Lily in his arms and humming tunes to her.

Yeah, you had forgiven him for the harsh treatment already.

He was so focused on Lily he hadn't heard you come downstairs, but she had and started actively squirming in Daryl's arms.

"Good morning, my loves." You walked up to them and took Lily from Daryl's arms and sat in your lounge chair with her, placing her in your lap and shrugging off your hoodie so she could feed.

Daryl hadn't paid much attention to your feeding times and so hadn't seen the damage Lily was doing to you until now.

"Man, I really haven't been payin' much attention to yer body. M'sorry bun." He sat himself down close to you and watched as your daughter fed, leaning in to plant kisses on the cuts on your shoulder and apologizing for the pain he's caused you. "When ya said she bit ya, I didn't realize it was this bad." He touched around the sore, bitten skin and silently prayed to the moon last night was a success and you'd heal by tomorrow. You noticed Daryl's glance at the ceiling and knew what went through his head.

You never told him you heard him that one night before Lily was born, out on the porch smoking a cigarette and speaking out into the night sky. He had asked for a birth with no complications and a healthy child, either wolf or human.

And just like his prayers had been heard you gave birth to a healthy daughter the next night, barely a full night between your first contraction and your pup laying in your arms. "It'll take, hun." You reassured him. "And if it doesn't we'll try again." Now that you knew you were both on the same side of the plan you got excited, the bad slowly starting to melt already.

When Lily had finished breakfast it was your turn. Daryl had offered to prepare something as part of his ongoing apology and you loved to have others cook for you. And Daryl was a great breakfast cook. You weren't sure if you could ever function without his cooking anymore.

He served up a large stack of pancakes. The ones you could eat throughout the entire day and pick at them even when cold.

"You're gonna hate me for saying this, but man I miss chocolate spread on pancakes." You knew you could just buy a jar and have it when you weren't pregnant or breastfeeding, but maybe it was better to just not eat it at all.

"Yer crazy, woman. Ain't havin' any a'tha in this house when there's curious pups runnin' round." Daryl made a really good point. The pups would eat anything they could get their hands on and get seriously ill if they ate chocolate.

"Yeah, you're right. I should really swear it off, for the kids."

"Yer actin' like we can't go into town fer ice cream some time." Daryl pointed his fork at you, talking with his mouth full. "Ya know, when yer not carryin' or feedin'."

Lily kept you both up at all hours of the night every night. So much that you hadn't even realized the scratched Daryl left on you had healed overnight.

It was only when Daryl had clung to you all morning, sniffing at you and melting against your skin with his hands over your belly that it all clicked and you shrieked in excitement.

Daryl turned got in his grasp and peppered your whole face with kisses. "Love this scent on ya. S' even better than them other dads say." He kept his face buried in your neck, deep calm breaths that had you relax against him too.

Your moment was quickly ruined by Lily being back to hiccuping and whining.

"I'll go get her. I really hope she shifts soon.." Daryl stalked behind you, keeping an eye out on his daughter.

There was no progress for two whole months, just lots of crying, lots of soothing and barely any sleep.

Still, you felt fine. As long as you ate enough your energy levels were fine. You just had a harder time moving around at two months with twins. Just one more month and your pups would be born, but you still worried about Lily.

She slept in the bed with you most nights now, it helped all three of you sleep.

Except for tonight.

She cried without pause, no matter what either you or Daryl tried.

He had changed and pulled her close to his furred chest, the rumbling of his soothing purrs not even quieting the pup.

"Daryl, can't we call an aunt or something?" But he shook his head, softly grumbling something at you. "This is fer parents only." You heard his voice in your head and perked up at the sudden noise. Daryl was lapping at the pup's fur, hoping the pressure would stimulate her change as you sat there.

Powerless in that moment.

Useless to your child and partner.

Daryl's lips curled up as he let out a short growl at you. "She feels ya. Think happy stuff."

You gave a soft apology and went to stroke her fur. "You'll be fine, baby. Don't fight it." You used words you learned from books, thinking back at that first time meeting Daryl and falling hard for the man. And then those days spent sneaking around with him and the interest he showed in you as well.

And then Lily. She was perfect in any way, from the first moment you felt her presence. You reached for her and pulled her against you, letting her rest against your chest on top of your bump. "You're a strong one. I can't wait to see what little human you looks like." She still only cried softly, unable to lay still.

It was close to morning by the time she finally started showing progress. You stroked her fur and a clump stuck to your fingers. "Eh, Daryl?" You raised your hand to him with the fur between your fingers.

His ears perked up and had his face close to her in a second, nuzzling at her and watch the fur fall away as she let out a loud cry as her legs changed shape and her muzzle disappeared. Her ears shrunk and shifted along with the rest of her head and you felt her tail and spine shift against your arm.

With some more soft brushing and her crying down to hiccups she now looked entirely human.

You carefully handed her over to Daryl so he could keep her warm against his fur while you went to grab her some clothes, making sure she was covered up properly while getting used to her new body.

"We really need to go into town. She needs more clothes."

Daryl had laid her down on the bed so you could dress her while he shifted back into his human form as well.

Dressed in his shirt and sweats he picked up his daughter and stared into the large cabinet mirror, seeing the three of you like this made him happy.

"Wouldya look at us. Lookin' close ta normal." You joined him at his side and almost wanted to suggest getting family photos taken. Lily in Daryl's arms with you beside them, rounded belly on display. Daryl could stay staring for days.

But sleep was way more important now when he saw you fight back a yawn and noticed Lily had fallen asleep in his arms.

"Bed?" You nodded in response and went to pee before joining your family in your large bed. Lily's tufts of fur on the cover would be dealt with when you woke up again.

To say you all slept well was an understatement, managing to all three sleep through the entire day and night til the next early morning. Daryl was the first one to wake, being the light sleeper that he is and took the opportunity to sneak out of bed and go find that stroller he had been gifted some time ago.

You had put it aside somewhere claiming you weren't going to need it anyways since you weren't leaving the house with a wolf pup.

He found it in the barely used front door hallway and took it to the living room with him and made sure it was all good to go before you were leaving to go to town.

Daryl didn't mind to mingle, hell he even had a job of some sorts as an on-call mechanic.

But first breakfast. He wasn't letting you leave the house without at least a sandwich in your system.

You had come downstairs with Lily while he made some simple sandwiches for you both and was pleasantly distracted halfway when you slipped your top down to feed Lily.

Normally the two of you would chat of you'd multitask but now you were intently staring at the child on your breast. "You stopped biting now, huh." You commented out loud and Daryl suddenly got very aware of his staring.

He made quick work of finishing the food and set it out before you so you two could eat together.

"Ya wanna go buy her some clothes? Got nothin' planned today, would be ta go out witcha." He knew you missed getting out of the house, and he didn't mind some time together away from home either so going out to buy Lily some clothes was the perfect opportunity.

"Oh man, I'd love to!" You beamed, getting to stroll along the shops again sounded amazing. "And we can now! Because Lily's looking human we'll be a normal family!" You quickly clapped a hand to your mouth. "Okay no we are. We are a normal family." You needed words to correct this. "W.. we now just.. all look human. We.. We'll blend."

"Bun, yer fine." He had made his way towards you and rubbed your shoulder in comfort. "Ya said nothin' wrong."

You two got yourselves and Lily ready and put the folded stroller in the truck bed before heading out. The whole way there you had a smile on your face as you talked about the different shops and things to do in town all the way up to where you parked.

When you got to the first store Daryl kindly took over the stroller and let you loose, following you through the children's' section and picking out all kinds of cute items. Daryl let you toss it all into your basket and merely shrugged at the price tag.

On your way to the second store you spotted a crowd on on the other side of the road. There was a small church there and between all the people you saw them. A man in a pretty suit and a woman in the most beautiful dress, hand in hand as they made their way out the door to be cheered on by their friends and family.

"Bun?" Daryl looked around and spotted you a bit further back, having stopped dead in your tracks while Daryl talked to you to stare at the married couple. He had stepped up beside you to see what caught your attention and almost felt bad. He had mated with you, yes. But the idea of marrying you on human terms never even crossed his mind.

"C'mon. Wanna take ya somewhere." You followed his lead as he strolled along the sidewalk, stopping at a large bike shop and garage. "You worked here?" Your question had him chuckle and shake his head, before he put his one free hand on the stroller handle and moved to cross the road when no traffic passed.

Across the street and straight ahead through the front door of a jewelry shop.

"Go pick somethin' just no silver."

You were stuck. No movement, no thoughts. "Daryl.. what?" He stepped over with a smile. "Anythin' my girl wants, she gets. An' pick one fer me too."

The store clerk looked at the interaction and gave it an 'only slightly strange' on the scale of folks that came in. The man surely didn't look like the ones that usually came into the shop.

"So, no silver, madam?" You perked up at the salesman's voice. "Yes, no. Allergies." He game you a kind smile, seeing you were clearly brought here without prior knowledge.

You were shown a selection of golden bands but none of them really spoke to you. The color never suited you so you moved on to the silver colored materials. "These here contain no silver, I hope one of these suits your wishes." You took your time to really taking in all the designs and different types of stones in the rings while Daryl browsed some designer items on the glass wall. He hadn't bought stuff for himself in a while and the leather and chain bracelets and big rings in the cabinet really spoke to him.

He waved over the salesman for some items while you continued to browse the rings, having taken a few to look at closer before moving on to the next box while Daryl finished his purchase and added the accessories to his current outfit and putting the boxes with your previous purchases.

"Hey, Daryl. Come look at these." You called him over from where he stood, checking on Lily who slept in her stroller.

"I'll love anythin' ya pick. Man knows ma ring size so yer all good."

You rolled your eyes but admired his trust.

"These are without silver too, right?" You pointed at a set that caught your eye. "Yes, but know this is the most pricey box you're browsing. A soft 'oh' left your lips and Daryl spoke up "she don't mind. Let 'er pick wha' she likes."

And thus the salesman dug for the right size men's ring and helped you find yours too. You gave it a good hard look on your finger and confidently spoke 'Yes'. You wanted these.

"Lemme see whatya got, princess." You happily showed your hand to him that held the ring, and held his up for him to take. "I hope they're okay." Suddenly shy your hand trembled as you held it out but Daryl took his without hesitation and put it on, giving it a good look with a smile on his face. "Ya chose perfect."

Yeah. You really did. It looked good on his hand, the small stone in the silver colored band being just subtle enough and the black band that laid against it fit perfectly with his tattoos.

Your thinner ring held a beautiful diamond in between the two entwined black and gold bands.

But when you caught the total for the two rings your heart dropped. Still, Daryl paid like it was nothing.

It made you feel weird. You had never discussed money with the pack being so self sufficient, and extra groceries were always bought by Daryl on his way back from a job.

But you kept it to yourself.

Once outside and away from the shop Daryl opened up about your worries. "S' easy ta save money when ya barely need ta spend." He had a cigarette hanging loose on his lips. "M' the only one in the pack tha works a steady job among humans."

You went to grab a small lunch together and decided to head back home after. You had bought what you came for and quite the extras. And you were admittedly getting tired, not being used to being out this much anymore.

"So, ya had fun today?" Daryl had an arm around your waist as he kept up beside you, all your bags in his other hand.

"Yeah, we should do this m--" Oh shit.

Just as you rounded the corner your breath caught in your throat at the sight of them.

Your dad. Together with his new girlfriend and Carl too.

To say you were terrified was an understatement. You were out with the man that was part of you guys' fight, your child in her stroller and heavily pregnant again.

You broke all contact after the fight and were in no shape to rekindle that connection right now.

Michonne was the first one to speak up. "Looks like her obsession got only worse after your great idea." She gave Rick a look, who only sighed and tried his best to see the good in this situation.

"Looks like you're being taken care of." He spoke to you, looking at your wedding bands. Carl was less weird about things and was at your side in seconds. "Can I see the baby?" He wouldn't peek until you nodded and carefully rounded the stroller and said hello to your daughter.

"You two have been busy." Michonne poked her head around to look as well, looking between Lily and your belly. Daryl chimed in now, taking note of your discomfort. "The whole pack's got lotsa kids. We wanted tha' as well." It was a clear statement that said a lot more than just that.

"So, you got married." Rick's eyes were back on you. If you truly did then he was truly a horrible father in your eyes, but you shook your head no. "We eh. We just got these today. Not married, in the human sense."

Carl was buzzing with questions but respectfully kept quiet, unlike his parents who all of a sudden seemed interested in your relationship.

"How old is she?" It was Michonne's turn again now. "She's six months." You got a comical look at that answer before the looked over at your stomach. "Two months." You replied to her silent question. "One more an' they'll be 'ere." Daryl still held a protective stance around you.

"Yer not gonna look at yer grandkid, brother?" It was important to Daryl that Rick knew he still held that title, despite what happened between you and him. But Rick was having a harder time with it.

Still he rounded the stroller to look and visibly softened.

"What's her name?" It came out genuinely curious, so you answered way more kindly this time as well. "Her name's Lily.

Daryl felt you had been social enough for the day and announced his leave. Using the excuse of you needing lots of sleep to head back to the car with awkward goodbyes.

A/N: The return of the Grimes family!! There's gonna be a lot to discuss between them.

The whole way home was quiet. The conversation on repeat in your mind, all the words you didn't say and all the things you thought they'd answer.

[ashwhowrites]

eddie x reader

they have a fight and he gets so upset that she ends up getting hurt really bad he sees it and when she starts crying he tells her shes being dramatic not knowing the damage(falling and hitting her head hard )

shes bleeding everywhere

wayne hears everything so he comes inside

when eddie locks himself in the room

wayne helps her clean herself up

but shes still crying and he realizes hes all bloody and that she needs to go to the hospital bcuz shes slipping in and out of consciousness , wayne starts crying and begging for u to stay with him & eddie hears all confused

he comes out of the room and when he sees everything hes shocked and doesn’t know what to do but he starts blaming himself

they take u to the hospital and u tell eddie u forgive him & that its not his fault before u go into surgery

wayne gives eddie a stern talk and he cries but he knows when u wake up he will never fight with u again

For sure

⚠️ warning of injured reader. Eddie does not abuse her on purpose! But he is still definitely an asshole. And definitely toxic

Not proofread

Y/N and Eddie were caught in their third argument of the week. It seemed every time they got alone it ended with her screaming, and not in the good way anymore.

She has no idea what happened to them. They went from shy kisses, dirty whisperers, and making love to glares, harsh words, and pure hatred. She didn't know if it was her that caused this drift or if it was him.

~~

"EDDIE JUST STOP SCREAMING AT ME!" she cried out. She couldn't handle him constantly screaming at her. He never was calm with her anymore. He used to never scream at her or make her cry.

He used to hate making her cry. He used to drop to his knees and wipe her tears away. But now it's like he had a sick game of seeing how many tears her eyes could hold.

"THEN LISTEN TO ME!" he screamed in her face. Throwing his hands in his hair. He was breathing fast and harshly. His nose was flaring and he felt like he was standing on fire.

"I AM. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU. WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?" she sobbed harder. Crying so hard she choked and coughed

"just stop fucking crying" he rolled his eyes. He was tired of her being such a victim. He'd say one thing and her eyes are already flowing with tears.

"I'm trying, asshole" she bit back. Whipping her eyes as fast as she could. Her skin felt raw from the scraping of her clothes on her sensitive skin.

"I need a second" he sighed

She grabbed his hand fast, "no Eddie. You can't just walk away. Nothing will be resolved"

He yanked his hand out of her grip, with way more force than he intended. Shoving his shoulder into her as he headed for his bedroom.

When he yanked his hand out of her grip, he slightly knocked her off balance but the shove to the shoulder took her off of her feet. She whimpered as her body fell, her head smacking on the coffee table nearby. She sobbed harder as she held her head. Her vision went blurry in seconds. Panic rising in her chest instantly.

"Eddie. Wait please" she sobbed.

He sighed as he heard her crying... again.

He turned around to see her holding her head and sobbing on the floor.

"stop being so fucking dramatic. Nothing to cry about" he lashed out, slamming his bedroom door shut. He needed just a few seconds to breathe.

~~

The panic got worse. She was so scared. She could feel her hand was wet and had a feeling it was blood. She screamed for Eddie as much as her sobs would let her. Freaking out as his door never opened.

"woah hey hey" Wayne came out in seconds. He wanted to give the two privacy to deal with whatever issues they had. Eddie always walked away from fights so her screaming after him wasn't new. But the fear in her voice caused Wayne to act fast. She sounded terrified.

Wayne dropped to his knees and cradled her head

"my head" she cried softly. Her body was already growing tired

"okay let me see" he tried to hold in his gasp as he saw the blood underneath her head. Her hand was covered in deep red and her hair was matted together.

"did you hit it?" He asked fast, unbuttoning his flannel and bunching it under head to soak up the blood

"he...he accidentally pushed me....and I lost... balance... hurts "

Wayne panicked as her words got further apart

"hey now. Stay awake okay!" Tapping her cheek softly

Her eyes blinking rapidly

"I can't Wayne. It's too hard"

He watched as she kept trying to keep her eyes open but failing repeatedly

"EDWARD MUNSON" Wayne screamed as loud as he could

"HEY YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME" he screamed in her face. Trying to get her attention on him. Clapping his hands in front of her but getting no reaction

~~

Eddie sighed as he heard his name being screamed. Figuring he was getting a lecture he planned to ignore it until he heard Wayne screaming in panic.

Eddie raced out of the door to see Y/N's body not moving and Wayne shaking the hell out of her.

"woah what the fuck" Eddie said fast, racing next to her body as he dropped on his knees.

"CALL 911 NOW" Wayne screamed again. Still moving her head side to side.

Eddie nodded fast, dialing as fast as his fingers could

Shaking as he looked at her not moving. He did that. He didn't stop when she asked, he didn't stay when she asked, and he didn't come back when she screamed for him.

~~

Eddie felt sick. Pacing in the white hallway as he bit his nails

"she's awake and we are taking her into surgery" The doctor said as he began to wheel out her bed

Eddie ran to her side immediately, wet eyes as he looked at her puffy red eyes. Cupping her cheeks

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I can't believe I'm just like him" he sobbed

"no you're not. You aren't him. You didn't purposely shove me. It's okay. It's not your fault. We'll talk when I'm out of surgery. It's okay, Eds. I'm okay" she said softly. Patting his hand as the doctor wheeled her bed into the surgery room.

"we need to talk Edward."

Eddie nodded as Wayne stood behind him. A hand on his shoulder.

~~

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to never be so cruel to her"

Wayne watched as Eddie sobbed into his hands, sitting in the uncomfortable chair.

"I don't know either. But I didn't raise you to be just like him" Wayne said sternly

"fuck, I know" Eddie knew exactly who Wayne was talking about. He turned into his dad in a blink of an eye

He didn't physically abuse her but he hurt her. He didn't take care of her anymore. He made her cry and physically put her in the hospital.

"then shape up Edward. I'm not listening to you scream at her for no reason. She has no reason to stay with you. You don't give her any reason why you are worth it anymore. But yet she is still here because she loves you. You are blowing it. Fix yourself and fix the mess you made. Or let her go. She doesn't deserve this."

Eddie nodded. He agreed with everything Wayne said. He knew he was days away from when she walked out the door and didn't bother to come back.

And for some reason she always did. He needed to show he loved her. He needed to fix himself. And once she woke up from surgery, and back home.

He planned to fix every single thing.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent

[liveontelevision]

Yeah Lucifer is very touch-starved. But that’s OK with me.

Lucifer loves physical affection & intimacy so much. He’s been very lonely since Lilith is missing for reasons unknown. But he’s not shy with a new lover. You sleep naked together every night, arms & legs intertwined. Lucifer’s 6 wings are out as a cocoon of sorts. He enjoys kissing you all over. He’s a real love-bug. And you love him right back.

I CANNOT AGREE MOREE

He obviously will love any partner he has so deeply, and it's not a necessity, but damn if it doesn't help, if your love language is touch - receiving OR giving. Or both ;) - FUCK yes he absolutely loves sleeping naked with you, it seems like something that's not a big deal, something that can even be interpreted as uncomfortable with certain circumstances, but he does everything in his power to make you as comfortable as he can. I mean, no demon has regular skin, but if you're worried that fur or skin or scales could be uncomfortable to him, you underestimate how much a fallen angel can endure. You could literally be made of rusty nails, and he'd still want to be your little spoon like -

Temperature is never gonna be an issue, I'm sure he can use some angelic magic for that, too. I feel like he would question you a lot at first, constantly asking what's comfortable, if it's too hot or cold, if your leg or arm is falling asleep, then he'd immediately pick up the response and make it a routine - AH love him. I can see him kissing you all over, right before bed after a really long day, and he knows you won't have the energy to try and get any further than that no matter how much you want to, but he does it anyway. Because he loves seeing you tired and desperate, just as much as he likes kissing every inch of you. Maybe he'll reward you, give you what you want, in the morning :) only agter a very close, intimate, good night's rest with him of course

[archivalofsins]

I realized one thing about me I'm pretty straight-forward. Especially when it comes to things I like and this can come off as complaining incessantly, being too critical, being too anal, talking people down or being uncompromising.

I don't miss the humor and irony in fans of a series about biases and opinions feeling that others are too opinionated or bias when it comes to the material. I mean that's the name of the game basically.

At this point that should be the expectation on entry.

Yet, I do find it interesting that people can see this with others but to an extent not their selves. Not even just with Milgram this mindset can be applied to most social interactions.

Honestly, I get it. Everyone enjoys believing that they're reasonable and that their beliefs are sound. I like thinking I'm the smartest person in the room sometimes as well. I'm not above it. I don't want to be either.

There's a good reason that people take personal offence to their interpretations of media being questioned or dismissed. A good deal of people's beliefs, how they interpret media, and the world around them is rooted in emotionality. Regardless of how objective a person believes they're being.

For example when I talk about any of the characters my interpretation of their narratives will always be intrinsically tied with my blackness and the sort of judgment I've faced in my life due to that.

This shows itself with characters like Mu. A lot of people may not have the same experience of deviating from the normative appearance associated with their ethnicity. Many who relate to Mu or consider themselves her diehard supporters may not understand what it's like to be something but due to how you look be told that you don't count actually.

People that are biracial or double as Mu puts it in her first voice drama would. Along with people who aren't biracial and would not be considered such by any societal standard being treated the same way for being light skin.

Mu was opinionated enough to tell Es-

When they did the equivalent of calling her a halfie or half-caste by the way. Just more of that casual racism undertone Milgram has going on.

Even to the point that the translation provided even mentions the term Es used can come of as discriminatory.

Gee I wonder... I wonder why it might feel discriminatory. I can't really pinpoint a reason. Nope none coming to mind. Funnily enough this adds more depth to Mikoto's second song title being Double along with his statement trial one that made it sound like he believed he was being profiled.

Though he states it was because of his gender and clothing not due to race.

Alright, then. For an innocent person like you to end up here alongside them... Why do you think that is? Uhm... They got the wrong person. Oh? I can't imagine they'd know the details of what we look like. They mistook me for someone else in terms of gender or clothing... something along those lines. So, Milgram made a mistake, is what you're suggesting? Yeah, exactly. It's the only thing I can think of.

Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you If you tell me now.

Yet, I can understand why someone in his situation would want to give as little information about themselves as possible. Imagine being falsely arrested and then going you can't do this I'm a minori-wait, fuck, that might make them treat me worse actually um I'm not the guy- You got the wrong guy.

My point is Mu told Es how she actually wanted her biracial experience to be referred to. Not in a um actually way she just forcefully went yes I am this used a different word and probably side-eyed Es super hard internally. Like any person would.

Then there's Yuno.

Someone that everyone seems to love but love ignoring way more. Yuno is the definition of opinionated. She has no issue telling someone how things really are,

20/07/08 Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though. Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too. Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes. Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with?

Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

20/08/02 Mahiru: Yeah, I’m asking for what you like in the opposite sex! I mean, with a lifestyle like this we have a lot of free time, right? So earlier when I was talking with all the other girls we got onto the topic! It’s not often you get a chance like this to live with a mix of men and women together, so I thought it might be nice to use the chance to talk about stuff like this in preparation for when we leave. Kazui: Ah…… Haha, I understand. I can see that’d be the sort of thing girls your age would be interested in, huh. How peaceful. What I like in the opposite sex… I don’t know if what I say will really be a good reference for you…… Ah, you know, since I’m at this age. I like a girl who can just smile free of worries. Seeing that’d make my old, tired heart feel young again. Yuno: Uh-huh, I see, I see. ……that’s a total lie, right? Kazui: Haha…… Give me a break here. You sure don’t make things easy for people, Kashiki-chan.

She has no problem directly contradicting others in public and questioning them further if their statements sound untrue.

22/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday) Kazui: You're helping Shidou-kun, aren't you? Well, to put it this way, it's a bit surprising. You seemed uninterested in others. Yuno: Hmm? Why all of a sudden? Yeah, I'm not really interested. But if someone is about to die in front of me, I'd help out. That's just normal, isn't it? Aren't you the same, Kazui-san? You're not interested, fundamentally. Kazui: ...Maybe. I'm not as quick-witted as Kashiki-chan. You know, I've come up in a world that's all about physical strength. I've never even thought about things like that. Yuno: Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well.

Or turning the conversation back on the person who approached her. She's assured in her actions and that makes her the type ready to question others if she feels comfortable enough to.

She's opinionated to the point of being able to draw firm boundaries between the people she likes and dislikes. Stating bluntly,

Q.21 Do you have someone you like?

Yuno: Other than the people I specifically dislike, I like everyone.

Voice Drama 2

Really? If you ask me, Kotoko-san is someone I would never want to make my friend, though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you.

Hm?

Well, I guess it's arbitrary who one gets along with.

She also has no problem telling people when to shut up as we've all seen,

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Yet her coarse way of speaking tends to be sanded down in favor of infantilizing her. In what I can only believe is an attempt to make her character more palatable at this point. People implying or downright stating that she's too naive to know better.

Even in the face of that she remains forward and earnest about her feelings,

"“Poor naive little girl”? So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd."

Yet all of these statements do little to deter this interpretation of her character. Because when faced with opposition to one's preconceived beliefs it's easier to continue to believe the person disagreeing or criticizing the belief simply doesn't know what they're talking about instead of take their input at face value. It's easier to try to find subjective reasons the other party may be disagreeing with one's own well founded and rooted in reason beliefs than to even humor the idea of ourselves being wrong some times.

Even when it's someone discussing their own life.

Sometimes even more so when it's a person discussing their own life. Because then one can easily justify their belief by saying the person was too in the moment to be an objective party or and just doesn't realize why this was bad yet or that they were being used. This is something brought up in both the cases of Yuno and Amane.

Regardless of how belittling or dismissive of the person's perception of reality implying such a thing is. It's basically an attempt to make someone view the life they've lived and experienced under the other parties framing whether they've actually had those experiences or not. It can't be referred to anything other than what it is invalidating. A person has to go through something terrible and traumatic then when they try to tell others about it they get told they're internalizing it wrong, taking it too personally, misreading the situation, or being to positive.

In that sort of situation the only thing a persons words can be taken as is self-serving and hurtful. Which I personally can't fault Yuno for viewing as,

"So nauseating...so creepy..."

It's easy to say believe others when they tell you their experiences and feelings on them until one actively has to do that. Then suddenly another person's lived experience and words on them can be debated actually. Especially if one feels like they interpreted it wrong or is the one being blamed for causing that hurt. If one's concern and kindness is only extended to the people they haven't hurt. If it's only easy to say I'm sorry and that shouldn't have happened when the pain being discussed wasn't caused by us then does it really mean anything?

It's easy to get caught up in the idea of not being wrong. Even easier to lash out and get defensive when someone else tells you that you hurt them. Yet looking past your ego means facing the fact that every can be wrong and hurt others even ourselves. Yes even if we didn't mean to do it, just couldn't get the words right, or were having such a hard time. To me it's realizing yeah my feelings are valid but that doesn't mean the hurt I caused while feeling that way is.

Yes I think x, y, and z about this situation but that doesn't change how you interpreted it. That's just my interpretation.

To think that being wrong is worst than just taking a situation as it is does cause more harm than good.

It took me a pretty long time to get comfortable with the fact that I will be wrong and regardless of how well thought out I find my points to be people will view me as wrong. This is just in general not when it comes to theories or anything. I didn't really get comfortable with being wrong until I was taking a speech class in college. At that point I was faced with a dilemma is it better to wait until you can say something exactly the right way or to say it wrong but still say it.

In a graded situation the latter is much better than the former. I mean you can't really go to a speech class and not speak without failing. So I realized then that sure I hate being wrong but it honestly makes when I am right far more enjoyable. That I'm not as afraid of being wrong as I am of being so scared of being wrong that I ultimately fail to do anything right or anything at all.

There's no perfect explanation that will make people believe what you're saying is true. Even when it's about your own experiences. People will still measure others by their own metrics of success and failure or right and wrong. A lot of people will tell others it's how they said it even if they know full and well they didn't want to hear it to begin with.

In those situation you can contort your words to be as safe or light as possible that won't change their unwillingness to hear you though. A person may even get harsher, colder, show outward signs of depression. Even attempt to remove themselves from the conversation entirely.

None of it will matter to those intent on seeing someone only one way.

[treacheryinblue]

Chapter 5/?

× Elysium (noun) : a place or condition of ideal happiness. type of: fictitious place, imaginary place, mythical place.

Word Count: 8.1k

Masterlist

A Noah Sebastian x OC Series

× Summary: Noah and his new found (sort of) friend, Persephone, battle the trivial ins and outs of being teenagers in a world that doesn't accept you. They survive together all the way into adulthood - with bouts of loneliness included - where the world is still a fickle bitch.

× Warnings!: smut (chapter 4 and beyond), language, violence, slowburn, friends to lovers to enemies back to friends, rinse and repeat (not even in that order), sexual themes, etc. Each chapter will have its own set of separate warnings.

× Author Notes: ( 1 ) I'm sorry that this took so long! I had majority written for awhile but it just didn't feel right. I'm not even sure if it finally does but I'm going with it!

× Chapter Warnings!: smut (oral - m receiving), language, talks of mental illness, drinking.

Happy reading! xoxo

SPRING 2016

PERSEPHONE

“What are you doing?”

Noah yawned out his words as he stirred in bed, an inked hand lifting to scratch at his chest. She didn't even look up from the little comic-like scene she had been doodling - this being what she had chosen to throw herself into hours ago when she couldn't sleep and needed a distraction. 

Sleep. What a foreign thing that was to her nowadays. It infuriated her beyond belief, much more than anyone around her could've guessed. Seph had taken to not talking much about the issues she was having because she knew Noah would only fixate on them and try to help. And while she appreciated his attempts, she couldn't stop herself from wondering if they were doing more harm than good. 

Maybe their lack of full on intimacy didn't sound like a huge deal, but to her, it was making her lose her mind. Although, not because she was aching for it (even if she was); this was more so due to all the thoughts it was causing her to have. The worries. The overthinking. It was becoming almost unbearable up in her brain. 

“Hmm?” Noah hummed curiously when she didn't yet give a response. 

“Just some drawing.” 

Seph allowed her eyes to flicker up to him, a slight smile being forced across her lips. She was sure he wouldn't believe it, but she didn't have it in her to dwell on that right then. 

“Did you have breakfast?”

Jesus fucking Christ. Why couldn't he ever stop? 

It's not his fault. Don't take it out on him. 

“Yeah, I made some peanut butter toast awhile ago.”

A small lie, although not completely. She had made said toast, but unfortunately, she only took a single bite of it before the texture assaulted her senses and she had to swallow it down with the help of a leftover Sprite in the fridge. No idea who it belonged to, but it was flat as hell. 

Noah nodded, again yawning as he shifted onto his side to face her. A long arm snaked around her waist and gave a firm tug, forcing her to set her sketchbook aside so she could be pulled into his warmth without issue. Now that his chest was pressed into her back, he nuzzled into the crook of her neck and released a sigh of content. 

If only she could feel as carefree as he did right then. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, I'm good,” she softly spoke, fingertips trailing along the top of his hand that closed around her. 

“Just tired because I didn't sleep well.” Seph elaborated a bit, just so Noah wouldn't further worry about her. If she blamed it all on being tired, then there would be no issue, right? 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her skin. 

“We gotta shoot that video today, so I'll be gone for a bit. Did you want to come?”

Aka 'do you need a babysitter?’

Seph forced those thoughts to pause. She couldn't assume this is what Noah meant all because he was asking if she wanted to tag along. Who's to say he didn't actually want her there? 

Adjusting within his arms, she angled herself back a bit so she could see his face. She then smiled and shook her head, just before placing a light kiss to his awaiting mouth. Morning Noah was always the most adorable to her. His heavy lidded eyes and pouty lips were something she could stare at all day if given the option. 

“I have therapy, so I can't. You need some time with the guys without me cramping your style, anyway.” 

Noah rolled his eyes and tightened the hold he had on her body, his face then burying back into her neck where he began to lightly kiss a couple of times. 

“You give us our style. You know that.” 

Slender fingers slithered along her side, dropping over the curve of her hip before managing to slip beneath the fabric of the t-shirt she wore. Noah rubbed gentle circles into her skin, this soft sensation causing her eyes to flutter closed and her lips to part to allow a small exhale through. 

No, she couldn't let herself fall victim to this again because she knew exactly how it would end. Since Noah struggled to keep his hands off of her, he would either continue to caress her body until she made the move to progress further, which he would reject in his own way. Or he would sink his fingers between her thighs, quickly get her off, then carry on as if he wasn't hard and pressed into her lower back. 

While the latter option sounded far better, both actually sucked. 

“Is everyone coming back here tonight?” She figured changing the subject and focusing on something else would help distract not only her mind, but also those damned fingers of his. 

Noah made a small sound that told her yes, nodding slightly. 

“It'll be another not so chill night.”

There was a disdain in his voice that she hadn't been expecting. Did he not like when everyone piled into his shared place for a night of drinking and nonsense? 

Reaching for his hand to stop him from taking things further, she laced their fingers together and folded their now intertwined digits into her chest. 

“At least you'll have me there,” she shrugged. 

× × ×

“Persephone…if we adjust your medications again, this will be the third time within a year. In my professional opinion, I don't think you're really giving them a chance.”

Professional. Right. What a jackass. 

This was the statement that finally broke her that day. Her shoulders dropped and her head bowed, heavy sobs immediately beginning to escape her. A hand lifted to cover her mouth in an attempt to muffle the sounds, though she knew the older man wasn't so blind that he hadn't witnessed her oncoming break. 

“You don't get it. No one gets it.” She choked out while tugging down the sleeve of her (Noah’s) hoodie so she could wipe beneath her nose. 

“I hate the way all of the meds have made me. I'm not myself. I don't feel normal. I mean…who I was before wasn't so great, considering, but at least then I felt something that wasn't just…emptiness and anger and this sadness that's been eating away at me.”

Trembling hands cradled her face after dropping it into her palms, the tears not yet ceasing. It felt like a dam had broken within her - or maybe it was just a patch. Something told her this wasn't the breakdown she had brewing inside.

“I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even enjoy my time with the guy I fucking lo-” she paused before finishing the sentence, cutting herself off with a shake of her head. 

Nope. She wasn't going to admit that for the first time to her goddamn therapist. 

Seph took in a deep breath as she wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. She was hoping she could get herself together now, though mostly because she didn't want to return to the public with red and puffy eyes. 

“Maybe I'm just better without the meds. Is that an option? Things in my life are different now, right? So maybe the changes will help me stay level headed. I just need to feel like myself again.” 

“No.” The man was quick to respond. “Stopping medications abruptly is never suggested and you know this. It could make your negative feelings worse, as well as become more physical ailments, too.”

He deeply sighed as he looked at her across the room. It was clear to her that he was at a loss for words, though she wasn't surprised. It's the same expression she received time and time again from every therapist who was unlucky enough to have her land in their lap. Seph knew she wasn't that much of a handful, especially not in comparison to other people in the world. She was just…frustrating. Possibly even incapable of receiving help because she wasn't willing to open up to it. Or whatever the fuck her last therapist had told her parents. 

It was all bullshit either way. 

× × ×

Against her therapist’s better judgment, and possibly even her own, Seph had decided on her way back to Noah's after her appointment that she was going to put her medications to rest. She wasn't going to be so irresponsible as to quit them cold turkey, but tapering herself off was definitely in the works. Any of the effects she may experience couldn't be nearly as bad as how she was currently feeling on a day to day basis. This is what she told herself to justify the decision. 

Merely having put this plan into action was already lifting her spirits. She felt happier, lighter in her steps. Maybe even excited for the night that lied ahead? While parties used to be her cup of tea, it should come as no surprise that she wasn't as lively at them as she once had been. 

Not this time. She thought to herself while getting ready that evening. She was going to be the old Seph that night even if it killed her. 

High waisted shorts that were cut entirely too short in the back? Check. Random t-shirt of Noah’s that she had tied and tucked up at her waist? Check. Secret vodka shots that were taken before the guys arrived back? Double check. 

“You seem to be in a good mood.” Noah mused as he approached her a little later that night. “Therapy go well?”

Seph peered up at him, a grin manifesting over her lips. She assumed he didn't think anything of the cup in her hand that was a mixture of fruit punch and vodka, since the red juice was typically being had by her during any of their parties. Why would he suspect the second ingredient now? 

“It was fine, but we can talk about it tomorrow.” A wave of her hand brushed the topic away. She didn't want to dwell on something like that right then when she was supposed to be having fun, especially when she knew telling Noah about her session and her decision afterwards would put a stop to all the said fun. 

With her cup clutched securely in her hand, she took a step closer to Noah so her arms could link around his waist. Her body pressed firm into his now that her head angled up and her chin could prop against his chest, just so she could get a clear view of his face. 

“What are you doing?” Noah chuckled, a hand of his own rubbing along her back so she knew her sudden affection was welcomed despite the people. 

“Nothin’, I just missed you.” 

Wasn't it funny how she had once been worried about what people would think of her for cozying up with someone like Noah? And now, not only could she not care less about what others thought, she was actually pretty happy to be with him. 

When happiness could be felt. 

Not to mention the night and day difference Noah was to Mason. Her ex would always act embarrassed when she was a little more affectionate and craving his attention, even more so when others were around. But Noah? He leaned into it and gave it right back, sometimes tenfold. 

“How was the video shoot?” 

“Uh…” Noah shrugged, his other hand bringing his beer up for a swallow as the one still caressed along her back. “It went okay. Some creative differences but that's to be expected.” 

At this point in their relationship, Seph believed she knew Noah pretty well. She could tell when he was lying, or at least withholding things from her, and this was one of those times. Not even her vodka goggles could make her blind to it. 

“That doesn't sound too good…” The words were mumbled against his mouth after she had pushed up onto her tip toes to press her lips to his. While the initial kiss only lasted a second or so, Seph couldn't stop herself from leaning in for another, this one lingering for longer. 

How could it not when he always tasted so damn good? Still, she made a mental note to ask him more about the video shoot later. 

“Hey! We're gearing up for beer pong!” 

Folio’s voice cut through the little bubble they had placed themselves in which unfortunately forced Noah to pull back from her a bit. He looked off to the side where his bandmate was shuffling away, giving him a nod and a wave of his hand as a signal that he understood. 

Seph huffed, the pout obvious on her lips from the lack of connection. She so badly wanted to be as close as humanly possible to him, more so than usual. It was hard to tell if Noah shared the same desire, though. Things had been so off with him lately, as well as herself, that it was impossible to know for sure. Obviously she had yet to take Nick’s advice and actually talk to Noah about it. 

“I'm gonna run to the bathroom and then we're getting in on that game.” Noah tilted his head back to finish off what remained of his beer. 

“You're on my team, by the way, since you're oddly good at it…” 

Eying her suspiciously, Noah began to take slow steps backwards until her hand slipped from his. Seph could only laugh and roll her eyes at him, knowing damn well she had explained to him before that she had been playing beer pong almost religiously since she was thirteen. So, of course she was good at it. 

Once he rounded the corner down the hallway, she took in a deep breath, her smile falling. Her frustrations were really beginning to grow and that worried her. How much longer until she outright exploded? 

Goddammit. She couldn't keep letting her inner most thoughts drift to these things. This was supposed to be her fun night. Not her 'dwell on whether or not Noah is over me’ night. 

With pursed lips she glanced in the direction of the hallway he had sauntered down mere seconds ago. No…she shouldn't…right? 

Seph refused to think about it for too long. After all, she had vowed to act like her old self. The version of her that was all for taking chances and doing things that were probably pretty dumb. This little idea definitely fit the criteria. 

After finishing off the remnants of her drink, she found herself following the same path Noah had taken. It was mostly empty in this area of the house now because the other party-goers were either outside or joining in on the commotion in the kitchen and dining room. As she approached the bathroom, she heard the toilet flush and then the sink turn on, which didn't give her much time to back out if she chose to. 

Oh, hell. Why was she so nervous anyway? Noah was basically her boyfriend (relationship defining conversation still pending) and this is the sort of thing they did. What's the worst that could happen?  

Well…he could completely reject her…that was always likely…

Thankfully, the bathroom door opened before she could think any harder on that pesky thought. Noah appeared slightly shocked to see her standing there, though she barely had time to register his expression shift before she was closing the space between them and pushing him back into the bathroom with the force of her body colliding with his. 

“Seph-”

She cut him off after nudging the door closed with her elbow, a hand grabbing the back of his head and pulling his lips down to hers. His own hands were quick to find her waist, firmly clutching at her bare skin and pulling her in closer against him. 

Good. This was the sort of reaction she was looking for. 

Seph tightly grasped his hair between her fingers as she moaned into the kiss, letting him know exactly what she was angling towards. Noah seemed to be accepting of it by the way he guided her back into the wall and then used a singular hand to pin her wrists up above her head. She could already feel the bulge beginning to form in his jeans - and this made her so ecstatic that she barely knew how to contain herself. 

Fuck, she just knew she was about to cum so hard. 

“I don't know what's gotten into you…” he breathed across her skin while biting a trail down her jaw and neck, his free hand dragging along her waist. “But it's fucking hot.” 

Noah pressed himself between her thighs and tightened the grip he had on her wrists, though only for a brief moment before releasing them. Oh, so he found it hot when she took the lead? Noted. 

“Only thing I need getting into me right now is your dick.” 

Seph didn't care how ridiculous that sounded because not only was her brain foggy with only her desire for Noah, but she was also pretty buzzed from the shots and her mixed drink. Not drinking for a year was really getting the best of her. 

The moment her hands were free, they dropped to begin working on the irritating button and zipper of his jeans. Her lips worked skillfully over his as they engaged in another heated kiss; tongues massaged together, moans mixing, both of their primal needs for the other heightening in sync. Noah’s hands were in her hair and then feeling along her body, grabbing and touching at every bit of her that he could. She didn't even care when he drunkenly pulled too hard on her necklace by accident, almost ripping it off in the process. Thankfully the chain remained secure. 

“I knew you'd be hard for me already…” she taunted after slipping her fingers beneath the band of his boxers and feeling for herself just how hard he actually was. The answer: hard enough for his cock to pulse at the first graze of her fingers. 

A few steps forward and she had backed him up to the counter, all while she simultaneously pushed his boxers down and tugged his cock free. Seph looked up at him with a devilish smirk as her thumb grazed along the tip, this slight motion causing his hips to jerk forward and his hands to clutch the counter tight enough that his knuckles turned white. 

“Fuck,” Noah groaned. The sound of his breathing was already picking up despite her having just secured her fingers around his thick cock, slowly pumping along every inch. 

It was the expressions he made that she really liked watching - which now helped her realize why Noah also liked looking up at her as he was eating her out. Being able to see the other person coming undone more and more with every passing second was euphoric all on its own. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched, lips briefly folding in before another moan erupted from his chest. Of course just her simply jerking him off was going to be a show for her - it had been forever since he let her even touch him below the waist last. 

Seph picked up her pace, the grip she had tightening every time her hand would twist up towards the top. She noticed how he was trying his best to stop himself from thrusting forward into her palm, and while she wanted to call him out for it, she decided against it because she knew he wouldn't be able to hold back once she was on her knees. 

Speaking of - that's exactly where she had ended up. 

Heavy lidded eyes stared down at her now, his fingers helping with moving her hair out of her face and gathering it back in a makeshift ponytail. Seph smiled up at him just as she gripped the base of his cock and secured her plump lips around the tip, her tongue swirling around and gathering the bead of moisture that had already appeared. 

Noah did a sharp inhale, and she could feel the way his body tensed while she had him in such a vulnerable position. Since she didn't get to blow him often, she definitely liked to make the most of it. After taking in a deep breath of her own through her nose, her tongue laid against the underside of his cock, her head beginning its tortuously slow bob to take him in inch by inch. 

“Goddamn, Seph,” Noah cursed above her, “your mouth…”

There was no way he was able to finish the statement once she was swallowing his cock down at a faster pace, bringing him as far back to her throat as she could. Her new motions quite the contrast to how she had just been teasing him only seconds ago. Noah’s grip of her hair tightened so he could help guide her, a bit of force being applied in an attempt to push her deeper. 

“Lift your shirt up,” he then demanded, which she quickly obeyed by hauling the t-shirt up to rest on the top of her chest. 

Noah’s eyes focused on her chest, watching as she used one hand to massage her breasts from over her bra, the other still holding firm to his cock. She could see his eyes bouncing back and forth between her chest and the sight of most of his cock disappearing past her lips, since she was still trying her best to keep her sights set on him. 

A low groan escaped him, his hips thrusting forward to further feel more of her mouth. “You're so fucking hot.”

Seph then took it upon herself to tug down the cups of the bralette she wore, baring her chest to him. If his pupils weren't blown before then they definitely were now as he watched her play with herself, both for his entertainment and also to help relieve some of the tension she was feeling. 

Unfortunately, her dream of cumming hard was not in the works of coming true. 

“Dude, what the fuck are you-”

“Fuck! Folio! Get out!” 

Suddenly she was forced to the side and her mouth emptied as he pulled back, Noah’s body turning to shield not only himself, but also her from the intruder. 

“Shitshitshit! Dude! I'm sorry!” 

Seph was quickly trying to pull her shirt down after she had dropped to her bottom on the bathroom floor, while also attempting to see around Noah so that Folio could catch a glimpse of her glare. 

“Shut the fucking door! No! Get out and then shut the door!”

She had been so goddamn close to getting what she wanted. There was no way Noah would've let them exit the bathroom without first making her cum around his cock, but now either of them getting off was a thing of the past. 

“You live here! You have a bedroom!” Folio yelled from the other side of the door, prompting both her and Noah to simultaneously yell for him to ‘fuck off’ - a few other profanities and choice words also added into the mix. 

Seph groaned in annoyance as she continued to work at adjusting her bra and then tying the shirt up at her waist again. When she looked up, Noah had already stuffed himself back into his jeans - albeit a little uncomfortably - and was now extending a hand out to her. 

“I'm pissed,” she exclaimed after taking his hand and pulling herself to her feet with his assistance. Noah heavily sighed, his eyes still focused on her. He began to smooth his hands over her hair, gently tucking strands back behind her ear while nodding in agreement. 

“I'm more pissed that Folio might've seen your tits.” 

A pout and a whine took over her, though Noah only chuckled and pulled her into his chest where she could bury her face for a moment. 

“Don't worry. I'll kick his ass if he says anything about your tits. I already know they're amazing, no one else needs to.” 

“Not funny!” She huffed, the back of her hand lightly smacking against his shoulder. 

“I would see if you wanted to continue, but uh…” he looked down between them, his brows pulling together as if he was concentrating. After a few seconds, Noah released an exasperated sigh and shook his head. “I think the moment is gone…seeing Folio’s dumbass face makes it impossible to stay hard.” 

The moment was so gone that they had no choice but to slyly join the party again. Seph was crossing her fingers that Folio hadn't opened his big mouth to anyone about what he just walked in on, but by the look Alexa gave her, she knew how unlikely that was. 

Thankfully, nothing was said. A few sideways glances weren't going to get her all riled up, not when all of her unhappy feelings were still currently being directed at Folio. She glared at him from over the brim of her cup, though he was none the wiser. Noah, on the other hand, noticed each and every time. Seph could hear his subtle chuckle accompanied by his hand gliding along her lower back as if that would be enough to calm her. It was…kind of…but not fully. 

“Are you drinking?” Noah had bent down so his lips were at her ear, allowing her to clearly hear his inquiry over the sound of mindless chatter around them. 

Uh oh, she had been caught. 

Seph contemplated her response, though she eventually landed on simply nodding. Lying about it definitely wouldn't have been a good idea. If Noah was asking, then that meant he already knew she was. Huh…wonder what it could've been to give her away. 

“Yeah…” she glanced down to her drink, then back up to his eyes that had focused on her with quite a bit of intent. “It was a not so great session, okay? I just wanted to unwind. It's the first time in a year, I swear.” 

A smile then pulled up on his lips and he laughed, head slightly shaking. 

“Seph…Seph…stop. It's okay. I was only asking so I'd know. You know your limits, not me.” 

To further prove that he wasn't upset, Noah lightly held her chin between his fingers and met her halfway for a chaste kiss. As they parted, his arm slung across her shoulders, keeping her pulled in close against him. 

“Never Have I Ever!” Alexa suddenly interjected despite whatever conversations were happening. 

The mention of the game made Jolly groan, his eyes, along with a few others, rolling at the suggestion. 

“Oh, fuck off, you big babies. It's fun! No topics off limits, yeah?” The other girl continued with an animated wiggle of her eyebrows, five fingers now being held up. “And we didn't have enough cups left for beer pong so you get what you get.” 

The remainder of the people around the kitchen island begrudgingly followed suit until they all had a hand up, long swallows of their drinks already being taken before the game even began. 

“That's only four fingers…” she called out to Nicholas, whose brows furrowed as his eyes attempted to focus on his right hand.

Oh, someone had definitely had a bit too much to drink. 

“Ah, shit.” He laughed, only to add the fifth finger to stand with the others. “That's my bad.”

“I'll start!” Alexa further announced while her eyes danced around the people before eventually landing on her. She grinned, already erupting into a small fit of laughter. 

“Never have I ever…been to Sweden.”

Seph narrowed her eyes, though opted to lower a finger for no other reason but to play into the joke. At this point, why the hell not?

“Very funny, you bitch.” She grumbled behind her cup, taking a swallow from the sickeningly sweet concoction. 

The only other person to not have five fingers up was Jolly, and he still appeared very lost and confused by the joke exchanged. 

No, she wasn't actually mad about her Sweden trip being brought up, but Noah still gave the back of her neck a reassuring squeeze when his touch traveled down along her back and then up again. The way he was always touching her definitely didn't help the need she still had for him, although she wasn't going to complain. What she was going to do was squeeze her thighs together to hopefully relieve the slightest bit of tension. 

It sure as fuck didn't work. 

As the game began to slide into a full swing, Seph quickly realized that people were playing rather dirty and purposely singling others out. She should've known this by the opening statement being about her, but she had figured that was just Alexa being…well…Alexa. 

During the game, Seph had told herself not to look at the number of fingers Noah had up, or which he had lowered for. She didn't want to know, especially when the questions were geared more towards the sexual side of things. Unfortunately, when she accidentally caught a glimpse of his two fingers up compared to her four that remained, her mind began to wander. 

Which had he lowered for? 

Oh god…it hadn't been the threesome related statement, right? 

Seph was sure he also hadn't lowered when someone drunkenly muttered incoherent words about having sex with more than two people in a night…right? 

Fuck, she was going to be sick. 

“Never have I ever acted like a complete diva on a video shoot.” 

Wait, what? 

Seph’s eyes quickly drifted to the direction of the voice before realizing the words had been spoken by Nick. He was staring dead at Noah, no laughter or the slightest hint of a smile to be seen. Well…this surely wasn't the Nick she was used to. 

That didn't stop Noah from dropping a finger, leaving him with only one. That one was switched to his middle finger, it now being directed to Nick. 

Before she had a chance to question what Nick was talking about, Noah’s voice cut through the silence that had fallen upon the group. 

“Never have I ever told Folio that I think my best friend’s girlfriend is hot.” 

“Okay, what's happening?” Seph pulled back from Noah a bit so she could look back and forth between both him and Nick. Neither responded, or really even paid her any mind, for they were practically glaring at each other. 

“I mean…Seph is pretty hot…” Alexa nervously murmured to cut the tension. 

“Never have I ever been caught by Folio getting blown by my girlfriend!” 

Jolly laughed, pointing to Folio who was appearing as if he wanted to just curl up and die right then. “Bro, you got a big fucking mouth.” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, guys! Get some drinks in me and I just start saying things. It's not done on pur-”

Alexa gave his arm a tug to silence him, her head shaking. Yeah, they all knew this wasn't the time for explanations. 

“What is going on?! I really just need someone to fill me in on what I missed because-”

“Never have I ever rejected my girlfriend's advances for sex for over two weeks!” Nick continued despite it not being his turn technically, but it was safe to assume all cordial game play had already gone right out the window. 

Nick’s exclamation was loud enough to cover her own protests and demands for them to cut it out. She abruptly stopped talking, her eyes going wide, the entirety of her body freezing. 

But wait, did they keep saying girlfriend? Okay, now wasn't the time to dwell on that. 

“Oh shit…” Alexa whispered in shock at the outcome of her request to play the juvenile game. 

The way Noah tensed beside her was painfully obvious. She was far too scared to look over at him, knowing damn well he would be wearing an expression that screamed how hurt and furious he was. 

“Nick!” Seph hissed. 

It was like her saying his name had brought him back down to Earth, because he blinked a couple of times and then looked at her. His eyes also went wide to match her own and that's when she knew Nick had no idea he had even just yelled that until the reality of it came toppling down onto him. 

“You told him that?”

Noah’s voice had softened, yet there was still an edge to it; and fuck, was it sharp. 

That was when she finally mustered enough courage to tilt her head up, their eyes meeting. She tried to speak but no words would come out, nothing more beyond a couple of syllables that meant absolutely nothing.  

“No, Noah, I- I mean yes, I did, but I just needed someone to tal…can we talk about this in private?” 

“Nah, you want to talk about our private business to Nick every chance you get, so why don't we let everyone listen in too?” 

“It's not like that!” She quickly protested, her head shaking back and forth.

“He’s my best friend, Seph!”

“He's my friend too! I just didn't have anyone else I could talk to and he's always been able to give me decent advice and-”

“Was it Nick’s decent advice that told you to throw yourself at me in the bathroom?” 

This was the moment when people began to clear out. Of course they wanted to linger and listen to the fight, but everyone was smart enough to know better. For the most part, at least. Before she knew it, only her, Noah, and Nick remained in the kitchen. 

“What?” Her face contorted in confusion, very much lost by the question. “No! That's not…no.”

“Don't worry about it. I'll go ahead to my room and you two can gossip a bit more.” 

Much to his dismay, or so she could assume, she wasn't going to let it drop like that. Instead, she was right on his heels, following him back to his bedroom. Nick was calling out behind them, though neither stopped to figure out what he was saying. 

“Noah…” she softly spoke his name after closing the bedroom door, hesitant steps then being taken closer to where he stood. 

“Do you really want to know why we haven't had sex?” A hand was held up that silently signaled for her to stop progressing forward, which she obeyed, swaying body and all. 

“It's because you aren't attracted to me anymore, right?” Maybe Noah’s question had been rhetorical, but her drunken brain was always going to get the best of her. 

“Because you want someone with more experience or someone with less issues or someone who-” her voice was cracking and wavering as she spoke, the tears welling in her eyes threatening to fall over. 

Never before had she been so thankful for Noah cutting her off. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Seph, stop. Listen to me.” Noah moved towards her, his inked digits grasping onto her shoulders so she had no choice but to stare straight at him. There was a deep breath that he exhaled, and Seph could tell that he was now struggling to find the words of his own. 

“When I look at you…I just want to fuck the absolute shit out of you. I want you begging and taking it and making those specific little moans that you do when you're really into it.” Noah paused and took a deep breath as if simply saying the words was too much for him to admit. Vulnerability wasn't something he did well. 

“But then at the same time I also just want to hold you as close as possible and make sure you're okay.” His voice softened now, just as his hands released the grip on her shoulders so he could instead slowly rub along her arms.  

“I have to know that you're okay, Seph, and that will always trump my physical needs.”

Now, why the hell couldn't he have said these things to her when they were both sober and shit hadn't just hit the fan? Why did a big explosion have to happen before he would express the deeper side of emotions to her? 

“And lately, I just…I can tell you're not okay. I've tried to get you to talk to me about it but you've been closed off, and I know you're annoyed with my questions all the time but I have to be able to say that I did everything I could to help.”

After a brief shift in his expression, Noah dropped his hands from her arms and took a step back. Maybe he had just remembered that he was mad at her and he needed to act accordingly. Or maybe he felt awkward since she had yet to say anything back to him. 

Oh, right, she did need to actually open her mouth…

“I never asked you to do that for me.”

Wait, no. She was supposed to say something nice! What the fuck was that?

Noah appeared both perplexed and offended by how she chose to respond. If he was trying to figure out why she had said that, then hopefully he’d be able to fill her in once he stumbled upon a conclusion. Not even she knew why. 

“You're unbelievable. What were you expecting me to do?” He breathed out a laugh of disbelief with a hint of annoyance - both completely understandable to be feeling right then. “Stand back and watch as you fade away to nothing? Literally and figuratively.” 

“No, no, that's not what I meant. I don't know why I said that.”

Seph lifted her hands to her head to press against her temples. A headache was slowly creeping up, though she wasn't sure if it was a response to her drinking or the stressful night they were experiencing. 

“Then what did you mean, Seph? I'd really like to know.” 

With her eyes closed and her fingers rubbing slow circles around her temples, she still somehow managed to shake her head and heavily exhale. There was too much going on her mind right then; focusing on one singular thought was proving to be harder and harder. 

“I don't know. I…fuck.” 

Noah dropped his hands to his sides in a dramatic smack and then rubbed over his own face, his form shifting back a few more steps away from her. He was aggravated. She would know this in any mental state. It didn't matter how hazy her mind was. 

“It doesn't make sense, okay? Like…why? Why would you think constantly rejecting me would be helping me?” 

“Because I didn't want you to use us having sex as an outlet!” 

“Oh, I wasn't allowed to have a few minutes of happiness and actually feel something because you were worried I'd…what? Rely on it? Become addicted? Constantly need to sit on your dick?”

“It's longer than a few minutes…” he grumbled. 

“That wasn't a fucking dig at you, Noah!” She groaned in frustration. To say that she was annoyed by his childish comment would've been an understatement. Of course that's what he would choose to latch onto. 

“Also, what guy doesn't want their girlfriend, or whatever, to be on their dick all the time?”

Wasn't that supposed to be the male dream or something like that? 

Those thoughts pushed aside, Seph and Noah stared silently at each other. She could see all the thoughts running through his mind, just as she assumed he could see the same for her. There was a lot she wanted to say, but none of it seemed like it would sound right. It wouldn't feel right. This was obviously a conversation they should be having when sober. 

But was that going to stop her? Probably not. 

“I know you were coming from a good place, okay, I get that. But…fuck…you don't understand how doing that made me feel absolutely terrible. Like something was wrong with me because why else would you be rejecting my advances?” There was another crack in her voice as she tried her best to explain her feelings, though that wasn't very easy to put into words. They both struggled with emoting verbally - if that wasn't already painfully obvious. 

“I needed you to be my boyfriend, Noah. Not my dad or my doctor. Or whatever you are, I don't know.” 

“You don't know? The fuck does that mean? What are you talking about?” 

Seph shrugged as she dropped her eyes down, a thumb now at her mouth for her to nervously chew on her cuticles. 

“You don't know if we're together or not?” 

There was now silence coming from her, this being enough of a response to tell Noah that yes, she didn't know. Or maybe she did? It was all very complicated and she was having an increasingly hard time wrapping her head around it. 

“Christ, Seph, of course we are. Why- what even makes you think we aren't?”

Well, now she definitely felt silly and possibly even a little bit ridiculous. She glanced up to look at Noah from beneath her lashes, her shoulder relaying another small shrug. 

“We've never really talked about it…so I didn't know…”

“You practically live here! In this room! With me! We hold hands, we cook for each other, we sleep in the same bed, we…do other things in bed!” 

Seph wanted to remind him that they rarely did other things in bed as of lately, but she figured he already had to know this. It's what had spawned the entire argument to begin with. 

“Well, I don't know, Noah! I'm not here every night so I don't know what you do or with who!”

Noah definitely looked offended now. Oops. 

“And you're about to leave for tour! Maybe you don't want anything serious before then so you can just…do whatever while you're gone!” 

The words were flowing from her at a rapid pace. Word vomit as people liked to call it. 

“You'll be meeting all these new people and seeing new faces and making new fun memories! While I'm sitting back here in Richm-”

“Then come with us!”

Seph abruptly halted her word vomit so she could process what he had just said. Her brows knitted together in confusion, a deep breath then being taken. 

“What?”

“Come with us on tour,” he repeated. 

“It's just a van, so it'll be cramped and we’ll be in shitty motels, and the food will be from wherever we pass, and I can't promise it'll always smell the best with all the other guys, but I want you to come.” 

More silence from her. Noah’s words kept repeating in her head as she dissected them piece by piece, looking for any evidence that pointed towards him just offering this to shut her up for the night. 

Almost as if Noah could sense this, he took a step closer to her, a hand reaching out to lightly rub along the back of her arm. 

“I've been wanting to ask you but I was worried that maybe it wouldn't be what's best for you right now. I was being your doctor and not your boyfriend…I can see that.” 

The hand on her elbow tightened so he could pull her into him, both of his long arms then securing around her to keep her close against his chest. Seph instinctively circled her own arms around his waist, face buried into him as he planted a kiss to the top of her head. 

This was where she felt the most comfortable. Her happy place. 

“Okay,” she finally murmured. The word was muffled but she knew Noah heard her by the way his arms tightened even more around her body. 

“Okay?” He repeated, clearly wanting her to elaborate even though he knew and she knew that he knew. 

“Okay, I'll go with you.” 

× × ×

REWIND: THE HILL'S GARDEN PARTY

NOAH

“I’m going to go grab some things real quick since we’re here, okay? It'll only take a couple of minutes.” 

Noah wanted to protest because that meant he would be left alone with the wolves, but he smiled and gave her a nod. She was already leaning in close to kiss him, which he would've been crazy to deny, and even crazier to ruin with his childish pout. 

Only when Seph disappeared into her house did he finally tear his gaze away from where she had been. He took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled, his eyes now drifting around to briefly study the faces of those around him. Some were still glancing his way but most had taken to acting like he wasn't even there. If they were friends with Seph's dad then he was sure only the nicest of things had been said about him. 

“Enjoying the party?”

Noah turned to see the devil himself approaching, a polite but slightly sinister smile taking residence on his face. There wasn't much that he was scared of but this man…he truly made his insides churn. 

“Can't really say it's my style,” he attempted to joke, a nervous laugh to follow. 

Mr. Hill only held his gaze even as he took a swallow from his drink. “I won't disagree with you.” 

“Listen…” his heavy hand laid against the back of Noah’s shoulder to guide him to the side, away from prying ears but not so distant that people would grow curious. “I thought you and I had come to an understanding.” 

Noah’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, his jaw tightening and heart rate immediately picking up. 

“So, why are you here? And why is my daughter still parading around with you?” 

Silence was the only answer he could give. Back when Seph was away in Sweden, her dad had paid him a visit. Their conversation was mostly about the video circulating thanks to Maisie, but it had transitioned to the typical ‘stay away from my daughter’ monologue. Noah had only agreed so that the man would get out of his face. There was no intention to actually follow through with the empty promise, not until her dad 'sweetened the deal'. Initially he had denied all bribes but after the guys heard what the man was offering…

“I gave you the money to pay for that van your little band needed. I talked to my buddy who cut you the deal of a lifetime on your house. I held up my end of the bargain, so why haven't you? Are you not a man of your word, Noah?” 

Just hearing the things he had agreed to made him sick. There was a sting of acid in the back of his throat and he truly considered vomiting on Mr. Hill right then. Noah managed to swallow it down but only because he knew the man's suit cost more than his monthly mortgage. 

Despite Noah's silence, Seph’s dad could somehow read every thought he was having. He lowly chuckled, the grip on Noah’s shoulder briefly tightening. 

“Whatever you're thinking right now, go ahead and shove it all away. What you two have isn't love.” He grimaced through the last word. “It's fascination, rebellion, boredom.” 

“You don't know anything about what Seph and I have,” Noah finally spoke through gritted teeth. “If I could give you back every dime right now, I would. None of that stuff is more important than Seph.”

“No? Then why don't you go on and tell her? Let's find out from Persephone what's important.”

Noah shrugged the older man's hand from his shoulder, although in an indiscreet way that wouldn't draw the eye of others. He took in a sharp breath to attempt calming his nerves before shaking his head to the idiotic suggestion. 

“You want her to know even less than I do because you know it won't only be me she writes off.” Noah shared an intense glare with Mr. Hill, one that his wife must've noticed because she was soon approaching the pair and attempting to diffuse the conversation with a smile and quickly strung together lies. 

“Noah, it really was great to see you again,” Marilyn dramatically gushed while brushing a piece of invisible lint from her husband’s shoulder. “Dear, I think I just heard Bannon mention something about being in the market for a new office building?” 

With a tilt of his head, the man finished his drink and then pushed the empty glass into Noah’s chest for him to discard as if he was nothing more than the hired help.

“Davis,” he grumbled out his departure mere moments before Seph reappeared looking flushed but eager to leave. 

[ijustwanttoreadfanfiction]

Friendly Sex - Chapter 7 - The Unknown.

Reader: Looks like there's only one bed.

Eddie: Of course there's only one bed, it's my bedroom. Why would there be two? You knew this before you came over.

Reader: I said it looks like there's only one bed. 

Eddie: Well shit you're right there's only one bed

It's long, it's dialogue heavy, but there's fluffy smut in a fucking bed this time.

Chapter warnings: MDI (18+ only), mutual masturbation, p in v sex, explicit language, mentions of drugs. I'm so tired so I haven't a clue if i've left anything out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re a ball of nervous energy as you cycle to work, you tell yourself there’s no reason to be. You were only going to Eddie's place, no big deal, just a couple of pals hanging out. The fact you had shaved, scrubbed, buffed, plucked and exfoliated every reachable inch of skin on your body at 8am was completely unrelated.

You and Eddie had agreed the best option was for him to pick you up straight from work at five, well not straight from work more like four blocks over, you didn’t have a death wish. 

You had told your dad you would be staying over at Robin’s tonight, which left you with two remaining issues. The first being you had to ask Robin to cover for you, which meant telling her you would be decidedly elsewhere. The second, and the one that filled you with the biggest sense of unease, was the implication that you would be staying overnight at Eddie’s; and the strange little flutters that accompanied it, flutters that you resolutely refused to recognise as butterflies.

“Morning!” You say breezing into the store.

“What’s got you so chipper?” Robin looks at you slightly disgusted, leaning on the counter.

“Nothing, nothing.” You sidle up to her, resting your head on her shoulder with a sweet smile. “Just happy to see my best friend.”

“What do you want?” She asks flatly, rolling her eyes at the display.

“I need you to say I’m at your place tonight if my dad asks.” You simper, her eyebrows contracting in suspicion.

“Why, where will you actually be?” 

“With the guy from the party.” You say it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, hoping Robin would simply agree and drop the subject; but this was Robin. She turns to face you, her expression burning with curiosity.

“Holy shit! Is this a second date? Are you going on a second date?!” She all but screeches, and you find yourself having PTSD flashbacks of Steve walking in.

“No, it is not a second date, mostly because I don’t think the original hook up counts as a first. Also, I seriously need you to start working on your volume control.” You say through gritted teeth.

“But this is huge!” She exclaims, holding your forearms. “Wait, I thought you said he doesn’t live around here and was just visiting for the party?” 

  Shit! You did say that the day after you and Eddie made the pact, in an attempt to embezzle the story enough to throw her off the scent.

You’re saved from the pressure of a response when Steve comes in from the backroom.

“Ahoy there ladies!” He sings, hopping up onto the counter.

“Didn’t work on the ladies at Scoops Ahoy, not gonna work now dingus, especially as I’m a lesbian. So, please stop.” Robin begs.

“Are you a lesbian Robin? You should have said something.” He bites back sarcastically.

“I don’t know, it would have worked on me, I always thought you looked pretty cute in the outfit.” It was out of your mouth before you could stop it, and you were rewarded with Steve blushing profusely.

“Oh - uh - thanks.” He grins bashfully.

“Why is everyone so chipper?” Robin huffs, flouncing off.

__________________________________________________________

The day seemed to fly by until you got to 4pm, you started to zone out every 10 minutes trying to work out if you were excited or terrified. There was a part of you that wanted to call Eddie and cancel, and then there was the part of you that couldn’t wait to see him; the stupid little flutters erupting once more. You were logging returns with Steve, once again, when he nudged you.

“Hey, you in there?” He says with a smile.

“Yeah, sorry, must have zoned out.” You mumble embarrassed.

He regards you carefully for a moment.

“Something on your mind?”

Only about 100 million things, you think wryly.

“Nope, I’m all good, just only so many times you can read the word overdue before it starts to look like gibberish.” You laugh lightly

“Very true.” He chuckles. “But, I didn’t know if it had anything to do with your date tonight.” He presses, clearly testing the waters. 

“Fucking Buckley.” You snap. “I’m going to murder her. How come she can keep a secret about another dimension but not about my date?!” Mentally correcting yourself on the word date.

“Hey, don’t blame Robin, she’s excited for you” He soothes. “So you settled on seeing the mystery guy again, only last week you didn’t seem so sure?”

“He’s been very persistent.” You say truthfully.

“Is it serious?” His asks quickly, voice oddly stilted.

“I - uh - it’s not really like - we’re not at that stage yet.” You stammer, a little thrown at Steve’s sudden interest in your love life.

“Just be careful honey. I’d hate to see you get hurt.” He says quietly.

“I think I'm more likely to hurt him.” You say honestly.

“How come?” Steve asks in surprise, placing a comforting hand on the small of your back, which short circuits your brain.

“It’s complicated.” You manage to force out.

“It shouldn’t be.” He says, the hand now rubbing in circles, you were actually going to pass out. 

“You and Nancy have had complications though.” You point out, feeling a mixture of disappointment and relief when drops his hand.

“Yeah but me and Nance, we always find our way back to each other. I can be myself around her, you know? No bullshit, it’s easy.” 

  You don't know which throws you more, the fact you weren’t wanting to pitch yourself off the nearest bridge in despair as was your usual mindset when Steve talks about Nancy, or that the only face you could see as he talked was Eddie’s; although that might have something to do with the fact he was walking into the store with a shit-eating grin. You were hallucinating, surely.

“Munson.” Steve greeted him from behind you.

Ok, not a hallucination, commence panic attack.

“Harrington.” Eddie acknowledged with a nod, strolling past you towards the Sci-Fi section.

“Hey, you ok honey?” Steve put a hand on your arm, evidently the panic in your brain was showing on your face. 

“What? Oh yeah just uh, thinking about what you said. I’m gonna put these back out.” You say quickly, grabbing a random handful of tapes with shaking hands.

“Ok, I’m gonna help Rob in the stockroom whilst it’s quiet.” You nod, barely hearing him, eyes trained on Eddie’s back. You wait until the stockroom door closes, effectively sprinting the length of the store, hitting him hard in the arm.

  “What the fucking fuck are you doing here?” You hiss furiously.

“Ah, jeez! That’s not a very nice way to greet a customer.” He gripes, massaging his bicep.

“Don’t be fucking cute Eddie, what are you doing here?” You ask again, voice exceptionally high pitched.

“Renting a movie and getting assaulted apparently.” He says, still wincing. "You like Sci-Fi? Alien?"

You just stare at him, unsure if he's insulting you. He huffs, picking a tape off the shelf shaking it in front of you.

“Ridley Scott’s 1979 masterpiece, Alien. I thought we could watch it tonight. But, how have you not seen this already?" He asks incredulously.

"My dad only likes Westerns and war films." You shrug. "Is it scary? I'm not good with scary films."

Eddie smirks, leaning in so closely you can feel his body heat, your breath hitches.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll protect you." He glances at the stockroom door before pressing a chaste kiss to your surprised lips.

"What was that for?" You ask quietly.

"You're adorable when you're flustered." He grins, you feel warm from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, eyes darting about in a panic. "Yeah, like that." He adds softly, stealing another kiss, longer and firmer than the last, which has you clinging onto his jacket.

  The tinkling bell of the door makes you jump apart with a gasp, some old lady coming in with young grandchildren, your heart hammering at your recklessness.

“Alien, will be fine.” You say quickly, heading back towards the counter to process the rental, just in time for Robin to emerge.

“Hey Buckley.” Eddie says casually, leaning on the counter, tapping out a rhythm with his ringed fingers.

“Hey Munson, recruited any new cult members lately?” She asks playfully.

“Not yet, but the night is still young.” He grins.

“Uh, $3 please.” You say awkwardly, watching the exchange. 

“Oh and a bag of Red Vines, got a hot date tonight and she’s a big fan.” He smirks so wide it looks like it hurts, your eyes feel like they’re going to drop out of your head at his open audacity, scrambling clumsily for the money on the counter as Robin hands him the sweets.

“Always a pleasure ladies, see you at school.” He calls, leaving the store with a spring in his step, if you didn’t know any better you’d say he’s trying to send you into an early grave.

“Isn’t it time you got off babe?” Robin says, knocking you out of your reverie.

“What?” You ask skittishly, she points at the clock on the wall with a grin, 5pm, and under the grin there was another look on her face that you couldn’t quite decipher. 

___________________________________________________________

You cycle to the Library as agreed, still pondering over Robin’s expression, Eddie sat on the bumper of the van waiting, trademark grin still firmly in place.

“Your face ever get tired from smirking all the time?” You ask, dismounting, he ignores you stowing your bike into the back.

“Cute basket, princess. You also get handlebar streamers with this model?” He snipes.

“Fuck off Munson.” You say but find yourself grinning too.

  You clamber into the cab, already rooting about in your backpack, excitedly extracting your precious cassette tape.

“What is that?” Eddie asks warily, climbing in the driver’s side. 

“A mixtape.” You smile

“And where, pray tell, are you planning on playing it?”

You point hopefully towards the car tape player.

“No, nope, absolutely not.” He says resolutely, shaking his head.

“Aw c’mon Eddie, please?” You plead, stringing out the please.

“There is no way I'm letting you play your shitty music in my van.” 

  You narrow your eyes, changing tack, leaning close, you softly suck a hickey into the side of his neck, your hand rubbing gently over his inner thigh.

“That’s really mean.” He whines, huffing out a breath.

“You can punish me later.” You purr.

“Oh I intend to sweetheart.” He growls, ducking his head to kiss you, with a harsh nip at your bottom lip. “Alright you can play one song, one, that’s it.”

You clap happily, Eddie reluctantly ejecting a Black Sabbath tape, and taking yours from you with the same look someone gives dogshit.

“Side A please.” You grin, dancing in your seat as the opening notes of Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac fill the van.

“Oh god it’s worse than I thought, Fleetwood Mac? Seriously?” He asks aghast, but you see his fingers drumming the rhythm as he pulls away.

“I love Fleetwood Mac, and this is my favourite song ever.” You sigh, singing along absentmindedly. “And it all comes down to you, well you know that it does, lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice.”

“Not a bad set of pipes you got there sweetheart.” He says smiling at you fondly, making you trail off in embarrassment, switching to humming instead for the rest of the drive.

____________________________________________________________

True to his word and much to your disappointment, Eddie pressed the stop button before Dancing Queen could really get started.

“We definitely need to expand your musical horizons princess, I mean ABBA?” He says looking like he might throw up.

“That’s rich coming from you.” You snort, as he pulls into the trailer park, your nerves rising to the surface once more.

The trailer was much as you expected, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, there was something comforting about the way it was so lived in. Multiple shelves and hooks filled with collectable mugs and caps, the fridge littered with magnets and photos, the rundown mismatched furniture set on swirling threadbare 1960’s carpeting.

“It’s uh not much.” Eddie says nervously, moving to hide a few dirty dishes into the sink.

“I think it’s great.” You say honestly with a smile, giving some of the mugs a closer inspection.

“It’s my Uncle, he’s a bit of a fanatic.” He mutters, coming up beside you.

“My Gramps was the same, except he was into model trains and cars, he always let me play with them though.” You recall happily, putting the mug back on the rickety shelf.

“So, uh, bathroom is there, kitchen you can see, obviously.” Eddie rambles, pointing in various directions. “And uh my room is the one at the end.”

“Do you mind if I dump my bag and get changed?” You ask, feeling bunched up, still in your uncomfortable work uniform.

“Yeah sure, I'll order the pizza.” He says, shrugging his jacket off. “Any preference to toppings?”

“Nah, I'm easy.” You say, instantly regretting your phrasing as he winks at you, you roll your eyes and flip him the bird heading into the bedroom as he laughs behind you.

  Much like the rest of the trailer, every available surface in Eddie’s room was occupied, various candy wrappers, empty beer cans, dirty mugs, clothing, drug paraphernalia, and nudie mags. A massive amp was slotted next to the bed, smaller speakers piled up in a corner. Band posters covered the walls, along with a huge homemade Corroded Coffin banner, next to it in pride of place suspended in a wall stand was Eddie’s electric guitar.

“She’s a beaut’ huh?” Eddie says proudly, making you jump.

“She’s a she?” You ask, watching in amusement as walks past you to place a two finger kiss to the body.

“Of course she’s a she.” He scoffs like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Uh - pizza will be about 20 minutes.” 

“Ok.” You say standing awkwardly, change of clothes held in your hand.

“Sorry about the mess, I was going to clean but wasn’t sure whether you were actually going to come or not, and then I got into this whole thing about whether cleaning was a good idea because I know I'm not gonna keep up with it. So I thought maybe best if i just -”

“Uh - Ed’s I still need to get changed.” You cut him off.

“Shit yeah, sorry, I'll shut up and get the film set up. K, bye.” He says abruptly leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

  You had gone the comfortable but kinda cute route of soft grey pyjama shorts and an old oversized sky blue t-shirt, Eddie was crouched down by the VCR player hitting it intermittently when you came back into the room.

“C’mon on you piece of shit.” He hisses, a final smack and you could hear the tape whirr into life inside. “Hallelujah!”

“You know that’s really bad for the tape right?” You say, making him jump, he stands up taking in your appearance, his staring making you feel self conscious.

“Wow” He breathes.

“What?” You ask, suddenly worried your top has a massive hole in it.

“You look - Can I just -?” He moves quickly, pulling you to him, lips moving against yours, his hands in your hair. You wrap your arms around his waist, allowing him to deepen the kiss, heart slamming in your chest as he backs you up against the wall, one of the caps behind you falling unnoticed. “You’re so -” Eddie is cut off by a heavy knock on the door, you groan resting your head in the crook of his neck.  “Fucking cockblocking pizza.” He laughs, pressing a kiss to your hair.

___________________________________________________________

“So just how scary is this film? You ask warily, legs tucked under you as you take a bite out of the double pepperoni and jalapeno pizza.

“It’s so-so.” Eddie replies evasively, settling back comfortably with his own slice.

“Eddie.” You say warningly, as the creepy music starts and the opening title card develops into the word ‘ALIEN.’

“Sweetheart, you’ll be fine there’s just a couple of jump-scares.” He reassures you, passing you a cracked open can of beer.

  You’re about 30 minutes into the film when it starts to get scary, John Hurt’s character coming across hundreds of gross looking eggs. Eddie has his arm around you, your face half hidden in his chest, the pizza forgotten on the coffee table.

“Why would you go near it?” You whine, turning further into the soft fabric of his usual Hellfire Club t-shirt.

“Keep watching baby.” He encourages, a big smile on his sadistic little face, you cringe, eyes almost squeezed shut as the egg slowly opens in tense silence, a Facehugger suddenly flies out and you scream.

“No, Ed’s I don’t like it!” You cry, jumping out of your skin. “Can we watch something else, please?” You beg not caring about how pathetic you sound.

“You really not enjoying it?” He asks, gently tilting your face up to look at him, you shake your head.

“I told you I didn’t like scary movies.” You mumble petulantly, bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

“What if I distracted you during the scary parts?” He queries, thumb stroking along your jawline, well it didn’t take a genius to see where this was going, you nodded trying not to seem overly enthusiastic.

He leans down to kiss you, hand still cupping your jaw, his other arm cradling you about the waist. 

“Your heart is still beating so fast princess.” He murmurs against your lips, feeling him smile. “You should probably lay down, wouldn’t want you to faint.”  

“Smooth Munson.” You giggle but allow him to manoeuvre you into a lying position on the broken down couch, his hand snaking under your shirt to stroke at the soft skin of your stomach, feeling brave you run your hand down over his back, cupping his ass.

The film continues, completely ignored as you make out, the screams and shouts hardly registering; Eddie’s stuttering breaths and small groans filling your ears instead.

“Ed’s.” You say quietly after another 20 minutes, his attention now focused on your neck. “Did you - did you want to go to bed?” You stammer slightly. 

“You tired?” He asks in a daze, lips all pink and kiss bitten, cheeks flushed. You shake your head slowly, biting your lip.

“Oh.” Is all he says before his face splits into a grin, hauling you up, and kissing you hard once more as he leads you to his room.

  He switches on a side-lamp, illuminating the room in a soft orange glow, you stand nervously unsure what to do, the bed looking intimidatingly huge at that moment. Eddie notices the uncertainty in your expression, the boldness you felt in the living room fading fast, leaving you self conscious and overthinking once more.

“Hey. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do baby. We can go back to making out on the couch, believe me I won’t complain.” He says softly, giving you a small smile. 

You’re trembling slightly as you resolutely pull your shirt over your head, before pushing your shorts down, leaving you in your bra and panties. You physically see Eddie’s pupils dilate, and try not to laugh at him as he frantically strips down to his boxers, the pair of you staring intently at each other for a moment. Trying to stay brave you step forward into his space, fingers tracing over the exposed tattoos on his chest, noticing how his muscles jump at your touch. He’s mapping out your skin too, hands starting at your hips, thumbs running upwards until he hits a 2 inch scar on your right side near your ribs, curving towards your back, a repeated swipe acting as a question.

“Took a spill on my roller-blades when I was 7, fell into a picket fence, 10 stitches.” You mumble looking down.

“Badass.” He says with a soft smile, ducking to place a tender kiss to the raised line.

 You take his hand, walking backwards until your legs hit the foot of the bed, shifting yourself into the centre, removing your bra ignoring the rush of heat to your cheeks.

“You’re so beautiful.” Eddie breathes, staring at you, eyes blazing. “Do you know how much I've thought about having you in my bed like this?”

You can only shake your head, chest heaving with nerves and anticipation.

He kneels on the bed, crawling over to you, lips hovering over yours, brown eyes boring into your soul.

“Eddie.” You sigh so softly you barely hear it yourself, he captures your lips in a slow heated kiss, and you relish in the feeling of having him so close just two scraps of clothing keeping you from each other. It was brand new, compared to your previous rushed encounters, the notion that you could both take your time almost overwhelming. You take his hand in yours guiding him down to your covered mound, back arching as his fingertips make contact with your clit, every nerve ending already feeling shot.

“So wet sweetheart.” He murmurs, his tongue licking into your mouth as he gently circles your bud. You reach down to stroke at his cock, the room feeling overheated, your kissing and soft movements the only sound in the trailer.

“Ed’s, need you.” You whisper, unable to wait any longer.

“You have me baby.” He says gruffly, sliding your panties down your legs, and then discarding his boxers.

You blow out a shaky breath, completely exposed and wanting as he rolls on a condom, thighs quivering as you let them fall open, Eddie slotting himself back in between.

  He pushes in slowly, allowing you to feel him inch by inch, chest to chest, foreheads pressed together, fingers laced, lips moving as one. Eddie was more rocking than thrusting, neither of you wanting to lose contact with the other.

“Perfect, you’re so perfect sweetheart.” He sighs, hitching your legs up to wrap around his waist, allowing him to go deeper than you thought possible.

“Eddie.” You whine, neck rolling as he hits a spot within you that has you seeing stars. “So good.”

“My sweet little thing, god your cunt feels like it was made for me.” He moans, bracing your hands above your head, holding them to the headboard with just one of his, the other now at your hip helping you to angle up.

You can’t do anything other than undulate below him, nipping at his neck and chest, the sound of your body slapping together making fresh wetness surge from your pussy, covering his cock in cream.

“Ed’s, I'm so close, please.” You whimper, searching for his lips, the coil in your belly unbearably tight. 

“I’ve got you sweetheart, just take what you need.” He pants, thrusting in earnest, hand lifting from your hip to thumb at your clit, you unravel in a silent cry, tears wetting your cheeks from the intensity.

“Good girl, good girl.” Eddie chants, releasing your hands from his grip so you can hold onto his back, nails scratching down the skin. He grips the headboard this time, fucking you hard enough that the bed thumps dully against the wall.

“Eddie, fuck.” You cry as he pushes you through into a second orgasm, your walls clamping painfully hard around him.

“I’m gonna - fuck I'm gonna cum.” He swears, mashing his lips to yours, hips stilling, cock seated deep within your spasming cunt.

“I - fuck.” He huffs, effectively collapsing on top of you, head buried in your neck. You run your fingers up and down his spine, trying to get a handle on your erratic breathing. “I think I’m dead.” He groans.

“You don’t get out of the pact that easily, Munson.” You sigh, laughter rippling through you both, sending sparks where you’re still joined. Eddie holds himself off you, pressing a kiss to your nose. 

“Stop trying to kill me then sweetheart.” He nuzzles you, and it makes your heart sputter and jolt.

“We should get cleaned up.” You say, nudging him gently.

Eddie extracts himself from you with slow kisses, and delicate touches, rolling to the edge of the bed you assume to dispose of the condom.

He lays back down, drawing you in close.

“5 minutes sweetheart, just 5 minutes.” He breathes softly, tracing nonsense patterns across your heated skin.

“5 minutes.” You agree, already feeling your eyelids start to close. 

Taglist: @avalon-wolf @mystars123 @lolalanaie @eddiemunsonsgf2 @eddieslildarling @bakugouswh0r3 @sidthedollface2 @81rain @blueberrylemontea-fanfic @winchester-angel @bimbobaggins69 @tuskjohnny

[elysianymph]

🔥

i’ll always support ppl being haters xx

thank you fae for enabling me to hate <333

companion post to my sirius one bc i can't stand new remus either. sorry but remus isn't a cool, effortlessly smart, basketball player casanova fuckboy who beats people up and sells drugs in the hogwarts bathrooms and is friends with REGULUS BLACK, EVAN ROSIER AND BARTY CROUCH??? if you actually think he is... well i can tell you've got bigger issues to deal with, get well soon 🫶🏻 delusions are tough

remus is a loser. no other way about it. people only knew of him bc of the marauders. no one paid him much attention outside of his core friends bc he was a nobody. he was literally trying to get by hogwarts without being noticed bc HE WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE!! what part of "dumbledore felt bad so he let him attend hogwarts anyway" makes you think remus would have the guts to go around selling drugs and weed in his school??? or getting into fights??? fucking in bathrooms with random people??? i mean yeah pulling pranks with his friends was a nuisance too but as far as he (and peter) go harmless pranks was all it was. sirius and james (the entitled assholes) were the ones hexing students left and right for no reason other than "they annoyed me".

remus spent most of his days studying in hopes to catch up to his friends who somehow still got better grades without even trying. he became a prefect but despite that he couldn't hold his friends back from playing pranks and joined them instead (he could've just told mcgonagall bc at that point it was his literal duty to keep them out of trouble but he didn't. why? bc he's a people pleaser and deathly afraid of his friends leaving him behind if he goes against them one too many times). he helped the first years around the castle and made sure they didn't get lost. he had an embarrassing crush on sirius and blushed every time sirius did so much as put a hand around his shoulder. poor peter had to listen to him complaining about his big grey eyes and pretty hair and soft skin and kissable lips ("moony, one more word about sirius and i'm gonna throw you off the astronomy tower"). he cried over the smallest inconvenience and kept stuffed animals on his bed (made by his mum). he spilled ink on himself when he did his homework and by the time he was done with it he had ink marks all over his face from rubbing at his eyes with stained fingers. he couldn't wink (sirius tried to teach him but he kept blinking and sirius laughed at him and it was too embarrassing he refused to do it ever again). he was always pouting :((

also i'm tired of the lupins being bad parents!! lyall and hope struggled with a lot but they were amazing parents and they loved their boy more than anything. hope was remus' best friend before hogwarts and lyall was deathly protective over him. he received at least two letters a week from them always asking about how he was doing in school, how he was feeling. hope would usually send one of his favorite homemade treats along with the letter too

[actuallyadhd]

The reason I realised I might have adhd was my brother, he's so clearly autistic so I did research to make sure.

When I brought it up with my mother she told me to not tell him.

I finally got my diagnosis after 3 years of trying to get it, of going deeper and deeper into it.

Idk, I never hated it? I never hated my adhd. Back in 2020 I was a more active person? In terms of doing the things I liked and doing art.

Now I'm slow, tired, fatigued.

And that happened after I took meds. Apparently ritalin prozac and anxiety meds aren't supposed to be taken together, Idk what my therapist was thinking.

She told me to get anxiety meds for my stimming, cause I stim cause I'm nervous. But I KNOW that I don't. I stim when I'm excited, or when I can't focus.

When I'm anxious, when I'm angry I go stiff a a rock, I get focused sharp, because I have to be, it's a defense mechanism.

I don't hate adhd I don't hate meds inheritly either. But I hate how my meds made me a zombie, that I was forced to go on them so I could achieve this academic goal.

Maybe if I lived in a place with better mental healthcare I wouldn't be dealing with the effects of bad medication and my worsening depression.

I'm slightly better now, but my executive function got fucked. I can't just, do the things I like anymore. I feel less feelings than I did before.

I don't hate myself I just, I guess I'm in a hurry to heal from everything when I'm still living with the people that abused and continue to abuse me emotionally.

Specially my abelist mother who keeps saying adhd and autism aren't a disability, and they're just a quirk like her being left handed.

My dad has finally came to the realisation that he probably has adhd like me.

I'm a uni student now and living in a dorm away from my family has helped me regain that control I had and live a healthier life. But I'm back now over the summer and I can feel myself going back to my old ways the more I stay at my family home.

Idk,

Is this cptsd? Idk what it is.

Is it bad to say I love my adhd? Usually at least. When there's no one breathing down my neck not letting me do my own thing, when I don't get pulled into random places and have a choice to stay. And say no.

I guess things will get worse before they get better....

Sent August 18, 2024

There's definitely a lot to unpack here. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. I will do my best to offer suggestions and reassurance, as always.

It makes sense that your brother is autistic and you have ADHD; both are highly heritable, and seem to be related in some way. So it also makes sense that your dad has now realized he probably has ADHD!

I have a feeling this is going to be long, so have a cut.

Stimming & Anxiety

Neurotypical people think that the only reason for fidgeting is anxiety.

It's not.

As a general rule, it's either expressive (as when we're happy or excited or upset) or regulating (as when we need to focus or feel overwhelmed).

And if stimming or fidgeting isn't disruptive or hurting anyone (including yourself), it definitely doesn't need to be medicated. WTAF.

Medication Issues

Medication can be tricky. The wrong meds can cause more problems than they solve. Even the right med at the wrong dose can be a problem!

Examples from my own life:

Starting dose of Concerta didn't do much, next dose up gave me a week-long anxiety attack.

Starting dose of Welbutrin made me feel like I was About to Die for a week.

Dexedrine initially made me NOT HUNGRY for three weeks. I lost 10 lbs.

Strattera made me depressed and adversely affected my typing (been accurately touch typing since I was 11, suddenly was making really weird typos).

Good dose of sertraline (Zoloft) helped my anxiety and depression but caused me to start skin picking in earnest; next dose up had me closing in on serotonin syndrome.

Adderall worked well (until it didn't) but also made me feel ill after I ate yogurt.

It sounds like you would need to try other meds or other doses, preferably one at a time(!), to find what works best for you overall.

Executive Function & Depression

It sounds like your depression is your biggest problem right now. Depression can worsen executive functioning, so that makes sense.

It's probably a good idea to talk to your prescribing doctor about your medication regime. Ask what your options are and if you can please work on getting off the antidepressant so you can try something else.

Alongside this, you may well be dealing with ADHD burnout, which I am only just coming out of myself. It's a struggle, to be sure!

My best advice for that is to be gentle with yourself. Don't expect yourself to Do All the Things; instead, keep a master list of things that need to get done and choose three of them to focus on each day (your Goals) and three fun ones to try to get to each day (your gravy).

It's okay if sometimes one of your Goals is to get dressed.

Parent Stuff

It sounds like your mom is trying to make you feel better or maybe herself(?). If that's how she needs to think of this all, let her. What matters is that she understands when you're struggling and is willing to support you. If not, you might like to refer her to this Russell Barkley video.

It's great that your dad has realized he has ADHD, though! Even if he doesn't bother to pursue a formal diagnosis, just knowing that can help a lot since if he's having issues he knows where to find suggestions that are more likely to actually work (because stuff that works for neurotypical people almost never works for ADHDers, while stuff that works for us also works for NT's).

Family Systems Theory says that how we behave around our family members is directed by how our family works as a system. There are also smaller systems within the whole that affect how individuals relate to each other. This is why we tend to fall back into childhood patterns when we're around our family of origin. Those patterns are ingrained through years of conditioning.

CPTSD?

While I don't think Gabor Maté is right about trauma and ADHD, I do think that it's pretty common for ADHDers to have childhood trauma. We spend years getting in trouble for stuff we couldn't control and being held to a standard we simply can't reach due to our ADHD, and that affects our self-esteem and is (to my mind) a big reason why so many of us have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which is that huge emotional reaction we can have to criticism (real or perceived).

I have found a lot of reassurance and helpful information about CPTSD through watching videos from the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. She reads letters from people and helps them with their problems, and she explains the problems faced by people who have CPTSD and offers ways to deal with them.

Loving ADHD

I don't think it's bad to love your ADHD. I do think it's a little weird, because most of us hate it a lot of the time, but I definitely see positives in my own life and view it as a neutral (if annoying) part of who I am.

I actually think it's great that you do love it, because it's going to be part of your life forever. Making sure you have systems in place to deal with the stuff that's challenging is going to be really important moving forward, but that's part of what this Tumblr is for.

Overall, I think you are probably doing better than you think you are, and once your meds get sorted you'll be in a much better space in general.

Followers, do you have anything to add, or any corrections to something I've said?

-J

[averygayplant]

You ever think about how, like,

themes of abandonment and found family and breaking cycles and loss and grief and realizing that having emotions is okay and that bettering yourself as a person upon realizing than you're more than your generational trauma and just overall that learning and growing from past mistakes is normal just...

Run rampant, in Ninjago?

Cuz like,

I sure fucking do-

Like-

Lloyd is the obvious example, right? He tried to continue Garmadon's legacy as an evil and deeply feared dark prince of pure evil and it just didn't work out. Instead, he broke that cycle. He created a place for himself in a dysfunctional family of other runaways and orphans and ambitious children who set out to be more than they were told they could be, found a strange team of people who all cared in their own unique ways, and ended up being exactly the opposite of everything he thought he was destined to be

Which comes with it's own problems. Cut to later, closer to the end of the series, and by then you've gotten to a point where most, if not all of Lloyd's traumas are from misdirected anger and violence, actions based in blind rage and seeking vengeance as closure. Lloyd's worst fear is being just like his dad, but... that's not quite it, is it? He's afraid of anger and how it consumes people, afraid of how easily it blinds others. He's afraid of allowing himself to feel anger because he doesn't want to be like everyone he's ever been forced to deal with on that level, and it ties into how seasons 9 and 16 both resolved.

But that.

That's just Lloyd briefly summarized.

It continues.

Zane is another good example. He had no idea who he was for a good long time, and yet he too found a new home for himself among others who seemed just as aimless, had Wu not come along and offered them his training. Even when he did find out, the others just suddenly had a lot of context to the weird things he would do and moved the fuck on, like, that fast. So fucking fast. It wasn't an issue.

But let me stop you right there.

It was usually used in gags, but it's emphasis repeatedly that Zane's primary objective is and always has been to protect others.

Translation: He was built and programmed to have a savoir complex UNRIVALED, and that makes itself PRETTY DAMN APPARENT, PRETTY DAMN FAST. Like, do I even need to give you examples? Zane actively puts himself in harms way SO OFTEN that he literally, no shit, HAS A REOCCURRING THEME THAT SIGNALS GREAT HARM HAS BEFALLEN HIM.

It's never said directly, but Zane puts himself into a lot of dangerous situations under the logic that it's better him than anyone else, his skin is made of metal and thus he's harmed the least. Which is. So bad. Like, I really hope I don't have to explain how bad that is, because wow.

This never really goes away, but he does get a lot better at thinking about the risk certain actions pose to himself. Just based on his actions during early crystallized, he now prioritizes the well being of his family above all else- even with his emotions turned so low that he's effectively only capable of taking the most logical of approaches. Breaking into the high security cell to release one of the highest priority villains of the city? That has no rhyme or reason, nor does it ensure the safety of the city- it actively endangers it.

And yet.

He does it anyway. Because of Nya.

Zane is fucking built different bro. Literally.

Oh, I'm sorry, did you think I was done?

Idiot.

...I mean, I am done, I'm tired and it's late and I have shit to do in the morning, but I could go on. I could. Cole and Harumi and Kai and pretty much everyone are sweating in their fucking boots right now.

I probably will.

...Later, when I have more time.

TL;DR:

Basically, Ninjago is a fucking masterpiece and should really sacrifice their PG rating to explore some of these topics a touch better because DAMN THERE'S POTENTIAL HERE

[dsaf-confessions]

this was on the discord but I'm adding more stuff I brainstormed at work mwahahha

My current dsaf fic idea is a Henry miller character study completely based on the title 'All Your Ugly American Fear' where Henry's character is explored during world war two, his traumas and likes and complex feelings towards his fathers death, and the true kick-starting of his engineering passion and kind-of-career. In addition to that, the juxtaposition of his life as a child during The Great Depression having to work to support himself and his father, quite literally scraping by the skin of his teeth to just survive and the actual money he's making now. Wars are shockingly good for the economy, tons of new jobs, people getting paid to fight and such, I think something interesting would be him sustaining an injury, wether it be minor or major, and feeling ecstatic at the fact he can pay to receive medical care. He was only a boy when he joined the war, around fifteen years of age, so he's dealing with the insane mix of being a hormonal little asshole teenager, his father dying, the first time in his life he's ever had money, fighting in the war, and finally being able to incorporate his passion into his life in a way which counts. I think something which is often overlooked is the extent of the poverty which Henry would of grown up in, he was born in 1925 and the great depression began in 1929, and during those four years, as I believe his mother passed away during Henry's birth Charles would of had to raise Henry with both the financial struggle that would have been Henry's mother's death (I do believe she was working, since many women went into the workforce at home while men were sent off to fight, and some stayed in the workforce afterwards, I believe Henry's mother would of stayed. While being crazy insane is in the Miller bloodline, I believe having a type for badass mother fucking women is too), and the pure shock and devestation that would have been. Even if Charles and his wife weren't incredibly close, even if Charles held a certain amount of disdain for her, that still would of been an upset, you're finally doing this part of what it means to be a functioning adult in American society, and one of the key gears of that machine breaks. Anyhow, Henry then had to work to support both himself and his father during the thick of the great depression. Both himself, and his father. He would of most certainly have been grinded up in that capitalist machine, the wording of this piece of information about henry entails Charles didn't have a steady job or a job at all, and if so, Henry would of been paying for his fathers medicine and his fathers beer. I believe the beer would of been unknowingly, if that was the case. When Charles died, Henry was still just a young boy, he quite literally had no family to go to. The army was really his only viable option in his eyes, and everyone lied about their age to get in anyhow. So, with a recently deceased father after working years off end to support the both of them in the midst of a long lasting economical dip, Henry joined the American war machine, and I think that was an incredibly interesting experience. Complete with things so good they sparked rapturous joy, and devestations so horrid they're missing from his memory as an adult. Henry finally had money, and wasn't in the midst of The Depression, and didn't have anyone he had to support, so he was finally able to afford himself all the human rights he wished. This included food, I believe even during his youth he wasn't considered thin as his weight would be partly genetic, but now being able to eat consistently he would of gained a fair amount of weight and his metabolism would still be adapted to a very slow pace. Also due to the fact his metabolism wouldn't burn fat for energy, he would of constantly been very tired and training and fieldwork would of been a nightmare.

I don't think Henry took any issue with his weight, only physical ability. The fact he had gained weight was, subconsciously, a reminder that he was in a more stable position now. Even if Henry lost weight, I think he would subconsciously feel weaker, less safe, in a more prone position in life. Anyhow, world war 2 ended in 1945, Henry would of been only 19 or so, and he still in that time was high enough of a rank that he was able to provide engineering schematics. This means that he was a bloody prodigy. There was no way people genuinely couldn't tell he was that young, I think he still had childish mannerisms even if he had to grow up too fast, even if he looked old enough. He would of been heavily trusted and admired by coworkers I think, yet it's clearly shown his later designs and most likely mannerisms were inhuman, later designs of his being turned away for humanitarian reasons and his job happy to turn him away for new hires. The reason for this decline was most certainly war trauma, as many positives as being a soldier gave Henry, war is obviously not a cure all. He has nightmares from serving, clearly some form of a trauma disorder. Add that to the fact that for his entire life, he had been surviving, scraping by, with an abusive father, and having to overwork himself. It's a shock his mental state was atleast vaguely intact for so long. These are even more factors which contribute to his eventual insanity, he's been forcefully dragged deeper and deeper into this depressing rabbit hole since he was born by the capitalist grinding machine and militaristic America, he's been a failed case from society since his day of birth.

-the pink anon

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